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ukiyokki · 3 years

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mars reads too much dreamnotfound fanfiction for their own good

a dreamnotfound fanfic recommendation list by your resident dumbass (me)

this took way to fucking long... i’m tired

below is a (very extensive) list dedicated to all my favorite dnf fics, ranging from quick one shots to 100k+ word monstrosities that devour the storage on my computer, forever incomplete masterpieces to ongoing works of art, you get the idea. i provided links for each fic/series for your reading pleasure. there will be no smutty/nsfw fics on this list, that’s just not my vibe lmao. this list goes in no particular order, and i’ll update it from time to time when i feel like it. now, without further ado, let us begin.

Heat Waves (complete) by tbhyourelame

(wtf else did you expect, looking at a dnf rec list?) amazingly well written, and while it’s not my favorite dnf fic it’s damn near close. in the midst of a brutal heatwave, a suffering dream comes to terms with the fact that he is desperately in love with his best friend. everything i could say about this fic has already been said by nearly everyone who’s read it, so if you haven’t yet caved into the hype, just go for it. you won’t be disappointed.

Gonna be around (completed) by georgescatcafe

(mc irl) my favorite dnf oneshot to date. just read it, i don’t wanna spoil for you :)

Inferno in the Sky (ongoing)by zairielon

(star wars au) an ongoing star wars au currently clocking in at almost 200k words. need I say more? everything about it absolutely slaps, each chapter is amazingly written, and it’s just good. also, can we just appreciate dream and tubbos dynamic in here? 10/10, amazing, must protecc. oh right, a summary: george, an exiled padawan turned engineer, must return to the jedi temple after attacks on it from an unknown assailant threaten the safety of himself and the other jedi.

Like Magic (ongoing) by KangarooKen, NotGra55 (Gra55)

(harry potter au) the unofficial official dnf harry potter au. we watch the young unlikely wizard pair grow up together throughout their years at hogwarts as they battle good old fashioned wizard racism. beautifully written, incredibly fun and suspenseful, and just an overall blast and a half.

GeorgeNotFound, Son of Poseidon, and the League of Minor Gods (ongoing) by Clichewho_69, Cygnvs, Trash_Kinggg

(percy jackson au) percy jackson au? check. “road trip” (technically quest but u get what i mean)? check. enemies to friends to lovers? check. this fic follows the plot of the lightning theif (albeit loosely), but everything is explained enough where you don’t have to read percy jackson to understand what’s going on. basically after moving to the usa, george gets taken to camp halfblood where he learns that a) gods exist. b) he’s the son of poseidon and c) he needs to prove that he didn’t steal zeus’s master bolt.

Protected (completed) by aenqua

(royalty/camelot au) my favorite piece of dnf media of all time. dubbed the official dnf camelot au, where dream is the heir to the throne and george is a servants son with a secret that couldp get him killed. these childhood friends grow up together and learn trust, love, and acceptance. (that summary did not justice to the masterpiece that is this fic) here’s the directors cut

The Hunter (completed) by HederEgo

(mc irl) a choose your own adventure fic with 13 different endings, where dream the hunter must kill george and stop him from beater the ender dragon. enough said.

The official dream team cowboy AU (series)(ongoing) by antsu_in_my_pantsu

(cowboy au) cowboys and outlaws horses and shit. and the big gay. it’s a cowboy au, what else did you expect? fucking yee haw (all seriousness this is a great read, i loved it so so so so much and i can’t wait for the final chapter to release).

This is a Drista moment, let's just accept it (completed) by Qekyo

dnf fic from drista pov. considering its unique perspective, it’s perfectly done. beautifully showcases a sibling relationship through drista and her memories/moments with dream, and it just works, y’a know? also drista supremacy.

Dear Dream (completed) by Qekyo

(wwii au) i don’t cry when watching/reading anything sad. translation: i’m a heartless bitch. however, this fic is the only exception. it caused me to cry so hard my mom walked in my room and asked if i was ok. ‘nuff said.

TECHNOlogical Wingman (completed) by Closeted_Bookworm

techno is the autocorrect ai on dreams phone, and he gains sentience. interesting concept, and the author fucking nailed it. great fic.

It Was Only a Fic (ongoing) by imagineitdear

dream starts reading a dnf fanfic (we’ve all been there buddy).

Teacher’s Pet (ongoing) by niyuha

(teacher au) in which dream is a high school english teacher and george is the new comp sci teacher in room 297.

Saltwater Secrets (ongoing) by earlgay_milktea

(mermaid/high school au) a great example of the shear amount of variety in fics this fandom has to offer. when i started reading dnf fics i would have never thought i’d find one about a mermaid george hopelessly crushing on his human friend, who happens to be his schools star swimmer. yet here i am, and i am far from disappointed.

Smash My Heart (incomplete) by dontrollthedice

george and sapnap are commentators for duper smash brothers tournaments, and george develops a crush on an up and coming smash streamer named dream.

roleplaying in the dark is harder than it seems (completed) by Alienu

laser tag. 10/10

solar system (completed) by quartzfia

(mc irl) george vists dream in pandora’s vault.

Ramblings of a Lunatic (completed) by jungkooksfic

ahh communicating through a notebook left on a shelf in a bookstore- what a perfect way to start a relationship.

Paint me like your French Girls (It's Charcoal, Actually) (completed) by Turtle_ier

(artist au) george is an art student, and dream is a model.

00:00:00 (completed) by isleofdreams

(soulmate au) 00:00:00 is the moment you meet your soulmate, as indicated but the clock ticking down on your wrist until the moment you meet. i’m not a fan of soulmate aus; this fic is the exception.

Blue Skies Smilin' At Me (completed) by kivy

(artist au) i don’t usually cry while reading stuff, but this brought me damn near close. george is a painting conservator and chats it is with the ghost of the artist if the painting he is working on. they fall in a love.

Current Location (incomplete) by hendollana

(influencer au) george simps for a hot american instagram model. who knew he’d actually follow back?

The Withering (series) (series ongoing, 1 work completed) by App1e_Juice

(mc irl) lore and world building and fight scenes and everything i crave. what’s not to love? something starts making the plants and crops around dreams village wither, and must team up with new friends to find the cause of the mysterious disease plaguing the land.

Minecraft, But You Can't Leave (complete) by facadecake

(mc irl) dream and george are sucked into their own private minecraft world together and must beat the game to escape.

Free The Game, Beat the End (incomplete) by goatgoatwasfound

(mc irl) a glitch in minecraft causes thousands of players from around the world to be trapped inside minecraft, with only one way of escape- beating the ender dragon. first dnf fic i ever read, and it’s still 10/10 for me.

Why don't you come a little closer? (completed) by lifeofandoms

george gets stood up by a date, and Dream pretends he’s the date to save george from the embarrassment. simply adorable.

lightning bug (completed) by saintachesP

(band au) while on tour, dream realizes his feeling for george.

Hold me closer (completed) by Treesofmyheart

(mc irl/dsmp) i just,, really like this trope.

Dizzy on caffeine (completed) by GleamingGreenGoggles

(coffee shop au) best dnf coffeeshop au i’ve read. periodt.

living a life of crime isn’t always easy (series) (completed) by itisjosh

(mafia/assassin au) stockholm syndrome except it’s not weird.

Inhibitions Make Interesting Situations (completed) by Ship_On_The_Sea

i pissed myself laughing. it’s just a dream and george being hilariously dense, flustered idiots. serotonin central.

thy eternal summer shall not fade (completed) by gracequills

(high school au) that moment when you recite shakespeare to your crush in your ap lit class instead of confessing (hate it when that happens).

All is Fair in love and Football (ongoing) by graciegirl2001

(college au) #1 favorite college au. in which george is a cheerleader, and dream is the football teams rising star player. this one gets extra points because of the amazing karlnap moments sprinkled throughout. *chefs kisses air*

online love (completed) by andbutso

(high school au) online classes go zoooooooom

Can’t help falling (completed) by isleofdreams

dream re-learns the guitar to sing to george on his birthday. beautiful. fluffy. amazing

dance in the rain and my arms (completed) by lazy_kitkat

george is a rain god, and dream is a wind god

Weather Boy (completed) by DaintyDiizzle

wouldn't you like to know, weather boy? (where dream can control the rain)

The color orange (completed) by anon

(mc irl) dream describes the colors of a sunset

Family Mode (completed)by Strawberry_flavoured_tears

they’re dads :,)

Breathing Room (incomplete) by papercranes

(band an) an amazing band au. the mad lad author wrote original songs for each chapter. above and beyond, mad props :). unfortunately, it’s incomplete

Piece of Clay (completed) by carbonbrine

(artist au) george is a sculptor and his sculpture comes to life- but oh no he’s hot.

Try (completed) by Not4typicalwriter

(royalty au) george must choose a suitor, but none of them are up to dream, his head knights, standards. or dream is hella jelly. also protective dream is perfect

When the Roses Bloom (completed) by HederEgo

(royalty au) close second for my favorite fic. go to royalty au for a quick serotonin bost. it’s all fluff and flowers and crushes, and i love it. criminally underrated.

Heavenstruck (ongoing) by dontrollthedice

george is dreams guardian angel, and dream want to find out more about him and his past life. bittersweet :,)

Bang and Burn (completed) by App1e_Juice

(spy au) george accidentally falls for target number 1 on sapnap’s secret agency’s hit list. this ones great, i love me a spy au :)

Can I get a uhh… (completed) by lemonskies

dream keeps pulling up to the drive through mcdonald’s that george works at drunk.

Pretty Stranger (completed) by anon

when looking for dream in the terminal, george sees a cute guy and decides to flirt.

Take my Hand (completed) by latinbias

(royalty au) another royalty au? poggers. surprise twists? double poggers. love this a lot.

seconds, minutes, hours, lifetimes (complete) by meridies

ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP ROAD TRIP *inhales to compose herself* roadtrip au. unrequited love, ignored feelings, longing, pining, you know the drill. absolutely love this one, its the best roadtrip au i have ever read, in any fandom. (maybe cause i identify with it a little too much, but thats not important. whats important is that you read this fic. right now. im waiting).

Message redacted (complete) by justyouraverageloser

(text fic) dream asks for a girls number and realises hes been given the wrong number. however, an unexpected relationship starts to form between him and the stranger on the other end of the line.

the waves (completed) by anon

(mc irl) this fic was written by the same anon who wrote the color orange, which is up there on my fav dnf oneshot list. dream and george know they have a higher purpose. they don’t know where they came from, or why they are seemingly the only humans in the world, or how they feel about eachother, or even where the skeletons come from, but they are sure of one thing: they have to beat a dragon.

The Dream Doll (completed) by PeppDream (Pep_Pizza)

(voodoo i guess) i’m a real big fan of fics with really out there or unique concepts, so naturally this one makes the cut! i really liked it, it’s really sweet and made me think a lot about what matters to me in the world. george finds a strange doll in an antique shop, and would really like to just stuff it in a drawer and forget about it. sadly (?), the doll has other plans.

last updated February 6th, 2021

#dnf #dreamnotfound #dream not found #dreamnotfound fic #dreamnotfound fanfic #dreamnotfound fanfiction #dnf fic #dnf fanfic #dnf fanfiction #dnf fic rec #dreamnotfound fanfiction recommendations #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #i’m ok i swear #i read too much fanfiction #i should probably go to bed

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tastyykpop · 3 years

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𝐶𝑟𝑎𝑧𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑒-Part 1

Pairings: yandere mafia leader!baekhyun x reader

Genre: suggestive, smut in later chapters, angst probs, fluff here and there but its very lowkey

《teaser next》

Warnings: kidnapping, drug use, alcohol consumption, baeks kinda crazy, pet names, master kink, spanking (he literally spanks her once), choking (not in a kinky way), mentions of blood and murder

Word count: 4.9k

Tag list: @wooya1224 @geniusloey tell me if you want to be tagged!!

⚠️ this is purely fictional and not how I imagine baekhyun to actually act. If you feel like you're in a situation like this please run and report it. I do not support this behavior.

How long has it been? 3 or 5 days? Maybe even a week. You didnt know nor did you care. But why would you? You've gave up caring ever since your boyfriend, Sungho was murdered right in front of you, but you couldn't even see who the murderer was which drove you insane.

Tears and blood stained your pretty skin that night, so much agony and rage ran through your veins. All you wanted to do was curl up into a ball and scream until you passed out. But its been days since you've gotten a proper good night's sleep and it was eating you away ever so slowly. Everytime you closed your eyes, you remembered that dreadful day, Sungho's screams, the terror on his beautiful face, his lifeless bloody body. What did he do to deserve death? Why did it have to be him?

"Y/n! Y/n, its been four days please come out of your room!" It was the familiar voice of your mother and her knocking that brought you back to reality. She was almost begging, she hasn't seen you since you locked yourself away that night so you couldnt blame her for being worried, but you were fine. "I'm coming in."

She pushed your door open to see you cuddling your blanket with no emotion on your face. You looked at her with barely any care and rolled over, facing away from her.

She sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, "You know y/n, we'll get to the bottom of this and have them put behind bars. It's gonna be ok-"

"No its not," you rasped from not using your voice in so long, "I dont even know what the murderer looked like, how can we put them behind bars!?" There was a small pause, she knew finding them wasnt likely which hurt you like hell, but she was still trying her best to comfort you.

"...At least come out of your room, everyone's worried." Your mother pleaded and though you really didnt want to move, you didnt want to upset or worry anyone any further so you got up.

With a smile, she did the same and led you downstairs to where you dad and sister were. They tensed when they saw you, but nonetheless smiled sadly, thanking the heavens you were okay.

"You look horrible..." your sister, Haeun, commented making you cringe. It wasnt like she was wrong, you spent four days not taking a shower and sitting in the same clothes so of course you looked bad, who wouldn't.

You excused yourself and went into the kitchen grabbing the first thing you saw, a bottle of vodka. Now it wasnt the best drink you could've had, but you decided to drink away your pain and suffering since you couldnt take the heart ache any longer.

"Shes doing it again." Your mother whispered but you heard her clear as day. "Shouldnt we stop her?"

"What for? She won't listen and she's traumatized. There's nothing much we could do right now." Your dad spoke with sadness watching as you took a quick swig from the substance.

Normally, you're not one to drink vodka but now it felt good, maybe too good. The more you drank it, the less pain you were in. It could last forever, you thought, but nothing lasts forever.

As you poured yourself another drink, you started wondering about Sungho again. If there were an afterlife, was he happy there? Would he be watching over you, making sure you were happy and healthy?If only it were that simple.

Though you and him were starting to drift off a bit, you still cared and loved him and now you're starting to take everything you guys went through for granted. Its what you get.

Standing up, you left the kitchen a bit dizzy from only drinking alcohol and having nothing else in your system and went back upstairs to take a shower. You decided after drinking, you wanted to go to the club you always go to. Normally, you didnt go on a Thursday, but you thought since you haven't been out in a while that it would be good to leave and breathe in the fresh air.

You took a fairly quick shower and your hair and makeup didnt take long either. Finally stopping to look at yourself in the mirror, your saw how pale and tired you were. Almost lifeless. You figured that once you finally have a good time, it would all go away and you'd be happy again.

"Where are you going?" You jumped at the voice of Haeun who appeared out of nowhere.

"To the club." You stated nonchalantly,

Haeun frowned, "Thats not a good idea, all you'll do is drink until you pass out. And there's always weirdos waiting for their turn with someone vulnerable like that."

A smile formed on your face trying to lighten up the mood a bit, "Ill be fine. I promise nothing bad will happen."

Haeun sighed, almost sounding like a bratty child who didn't get their way because she knew she wouldn't change your mind no matter how hard she tried. It sucked to have a stubborn sibling like yourself.

Sehun rolled his eyes at the sight of Baekhyuns scheduled flirting session. The girl was dressed in barely anything and he could tell she was probably Baekhyuns new toy for the night as he started getting handsy with her. But Sehun could see how Baekhyuns eyes weren't always looking at her. Instead, they sometimes searched passed the girl in hopes to find something else. He knew what, actually who he was searching for so he never asked or mentioned it.

He remembered you perfectly. Your calm and sleeping figure laying peacefully on your boyfriends chest. It was a shame he had to wake you up while he killed the man. And it was a shame to see such a pretty girl cry and scream with such fright in her eyes.

But Sehun didn't feel that bad, he did what he was supposed to do with only a little remorse.

"Sehun," Baekhyun called, the younger lifted his head waiting for him to continue, "Are you sure you didn't hurt my little toy the other day?"

Sehun scoffed, "If I did, I'd be dead by now, hyung."

The man chuckled sadistically , "She hasn't been here in a while," Baekhyun looked up from the girl and turned to Sehun, "Its only safe to ask."

"Hyung, I told you before that shes probably scared." Sehun face palmed when Baekhyun glared at him.

"A little red shouldnt effect someone that bad."

"I kil-" Sehun stopped what he was about to say, forgetting about the girl straddling Baekhyuns lap and cleared his throat, "Shes not used to stuff like that, Baek."

He didn't care about what Sehun said and ignored the youngests pointless blabbering, returning his attention back the girl only for a short amount of time until something caught his attention.

You walked in his club with confidence and beauty not giving any staring man the time of day and took your usual seat at the bar. After ordering your drink, you put your head in your arms and Baekhyun grinned.

Now was his chance, there's no way anyone will get in his way and there was no way he'd let this chance go.

"Stay here." Baekhyun said to Sehun, pushing the girl off him as he stood up. She almost pulled him back but he gave her such a terrifying death glare that made her stop.

"Theres no way youre actually gonna go talk to her...right?" Sehun questioned a bit shocked that Baekhyun was actually going to you after so long.

"Of course I am, I'll be back." With that, Baekhyun walked away from the two with only one thing on his mind: you.

He waltzed with a smirk of pure evil. What would he do? Only God knew, but he couldnt help himself when he saw your pretty face.

All eyes watched Baekhyun stop next to you, astonished that he went to talk to a girl and not the other way around, "Excuse me sweetheart," You popped your head up in the direction Baekhyun spoke, he took a seat next to you with an almost comforting smile when he saw your red cheeks, "But are you okay."

You wanted to spill everything that happened so bad because you needed to get it out, but you didnt know the man and neither did he know you so all you could do was nod, "Im fine."

Baekhyun knew behind your lying eyes was someone in pain and searching for a person to hold, but he couldnt do anything just yet and tried loosening you up to him so he could do what he wanted to do in the first place.

"C'mon sweetheart, you can tell me anything." He smiled that charismatic smile of his, "I'm easy to talk to."

It was believable for the most part and you laughed a bit, the first laugh you actually had since that tragic night, "You seem like a sweet talker," you smirked causing Baekhyun to chuckle, "Whats the catch?"

"There is no catch, I just wanted to know if youre okay. And besides, I could tell you've been crying." He pointed to your tear stained cheeks and you mentally cursed yourself for unintentionally crying just a few moments ago.

"Oh.."

"Dont worry," He chuckled, "Whatever it is im sure you'll get over it." Baekhyun almost failed to hide his sinful smug as you frowned and covered it quickly with a swig of your drink.

But something inside was eating you away about what happened, you needed to let out your emotions and you started caring less and less that he was a stranger. Then again, what if you scared him away? What will happen next?

"At least tell me your name first," You blushed and shyly looked over at him who had an expecting glint in his eyes, "Then maybe ill tell you why I'm so upset."

Baekhyun stretched his hand out in front of him and you gently shook it. Damn he had a strong grip, "My names Byun Baekhyun and you?" He asked as if he didnt know who you were.

"Y/n L/n." You beamed, wondering why his name was so familiar. "So uh- my story..." Fumbling with the drink in your hands, you sighed heavily, "Long story short, my boyfriend was...murdered in front of me." You mumbled the last bit, but you didnt need to repeat yourself as Baekhyun already knew every single detail of that night thanks to Sehun.

Placing a soft hand on your shoulder he whispered with fake sympathy, "I understand now why you're so upset," Liar, "I feel terrible," No he doesn't.

He wiped a stray tear that had slipped down your cheeks and sent you a solemn look.

"I-its in the past i guess." You muttered, "I can't change a thing about it."

Damn right you couldnt. Even if there were some form of time travel, Baekhyun wouldn't dare let you try and change the past because that would mean you weren't entirely his. But since there isn't anything like that, Baekhyun has nothing to worry about except figuring out how to bring you back with him.

"Would you like a glass of water, y/n?" Baekhyun asked quickly as a thought popped into his head. You nodded your head slowly and Baekhyun called over the bartender. You werent really paying attention to him ordering the water and just let your mind slip to the sound of the music and looked around the room, tapping your fingers to the beat, but you stopped when you felt a pair of sharp eyes watching you from somewhere. You looked here and there before stopping on a man that was a about a few inches taller than Baekhyun. He had a eerie grin on his face when you noticed him, then he winked.

Chills went down your spine and you spun yourself around in your chair facing forwards causing Baekhyun to raise an eyebrow but he didnt question it.

"Heres the water." He handed the drink over and you thanked him before taking a sip. It tasted a bit weird but not all water tasted the same, though it was slightly dry for water.

"So tell me about yourself, y/n." Baekhyun checked his watch, all he needed was fifteen minutes then you were all his. "You seem like an interesting person." He looked up and smiled.

"Well," You thought about what was possibly interesting enough to tell him, "Im in my second year of college!" A smile crossed your lips.

"Oh really? Where do you go?" Baekhyun did seem interested to know some parts of your life. Somehow, you caught his attention like that. Thats why Sehun was a surprised when he finally made his move with you.

"Seoul of Performing Arts." You beamed. It was the happiest moment in your life when you got accepted and all of your family members, extended and close, celebrated your acceptance, "My boyfriend, Sungho, went there too."

He just about rolled his eyes but replaced it with a nod and a fake warm smile. If you knew him better, you'd know that smile was only him clenching his jaw in anger.

"How cute." The glint in his eyes proved he was lying and maybe you were too stupid or innocent to notice when you took another sip of water.

He watched and wished his plan could go faster, he was excited to have fun with his pretty little toy and he couldnt wait any longer.

"What about you?" You raised a brow. There was still something in your gut that made you feel like you knew him. And you still wondered why. Was he someone famous in the city? Maybe you've heard your friends mention him here and there? What was it about him that was so familiar?

"You'll know soon enough kitten." You frowned at the pet name as he pat your head like you were a small child yet you chose to ignore it.

It was a bit outlandish and made you more skeptical to know who he was.

"Thats not very reassuring, Baekhyun." Your quirked.

"Why tell you when I can just show you?" He leaned in, mocking your now pouty lips and chuckled, "The drugs should be setting in by now."

You lifted your head up with wide eyes, "Wait what?" Did you hear him right? Did he say what you thought he said? "What do you mean drugs!?" You said with awestruck as your heart raced in fear. You hoped to god he was just joking

The man before you smirked that unpleasant smirk of his, almost like the guy you saw before and you started panicking more, knowing he wasn't kidding. You tried to get up and run but you felt so woozy in a matter of seconds. Not to mention the sudden pain in your stomach that made you want to throw up. What was Baekhyuns plan? Why did he do this!? You thought at least one thing could go right tonight and maybe you could have fun, but you were wrong. So so wrong.

Trying to leave the club building, you knew you wouldn't make it but you still wanted to attempt an escape. It didn't have to be like this. Each step made it harder to move and your eyes started drooping. It was too late for you.

Already collapsed on the ground, people gasped and stared at your almost lifeless body as Baekhyun tilted his head to the side, "She tried, ill give her that." He walked over and crouched down next to you, moving the hair out of your pale face, "But not hard enough."

In an instant, your body was thrown over the man's shoulder. No one commented on anything that happened in fear that they could be next. It was impossible to say that they felt bad either, they were just glad it didn't happen to themselves.

"Sehun," He called out to the younger male but Sehun was already ahead of him, "You drive." He tossed him the keys.

With a nod they both walked out, you on Baekyuns shoulder as he took you to the expensive car. Gently, he placed you down in backseat, putting your seatbelt on for you, and climbed in on the other side to sit next to you.

"All this just for a girl." Sehun shook his head but needless to say he still smirked, "Youre loosing yourself, hyung." The car sparked and drove off into the night, no cops came searching. They knew better. And neither was there news of your kidnapping, the city stayed quiet.

Sure once your parents realized you were gone they'd start freaking out, but would they dare mess with Baekhyun? Would anyone actually try to mess with him? The mafia could easily answer that with an optimistic no. Remember, Baekhyun had power. No one is going to stop him.

"How long will she be out for?" Sehun asked.

Baekhyun shrugged, "Like an hour or two." He was excited for your life with him now, he knew you were finally his after a year of watching you come and go in his club, plus the small stalking he did when he wanted to see you, and he could only smile. No one can get in between him and your love anymore. "Shes gonna love it when she gets home!"

Sehun chuckled at Baekhyuns almost child like enthusiam and started, "She seems a bit innocent," he paused, looking back at your passed out body in the mirror before returning back to the road, "Normally women don't look off into space when someone's buying them a drink."

"Maybe she's a bit slow, but she wouldn't be here with me if that didn't happen."

The candle flickered in the dark as you awoke on a strange bed. You're head was pounding a bit as you tried looking around at your unfamiliar surroundings. What happened? Was your first thought and you started questioning where you were too. You knew something wasn't right but you couldn't understand why.

You tried getting up only to be locked in place by restraints on your wrists. They were only silk but they were tied tight enough to keep you still. Tilting your head in confusion, you heard foot steps coming towards the door and stopping for a mere few seconds before the door handle twisted.

You anticipated what was going to happen, you didnt even know what was going on in the first place, but you remembered the man standing in front of you.

"B-Baekhyun..?"

"Hey, kitten." That sinister smile was plastered on his face. You were sure it held more meanings then just one.

"Where a-am i?"

He almost cooed at your curiosity but composed himself, "At my mansion, where you'll be staying from now on."

There was a moment where you had to think, interestingly enough what Baekhyun said didnt even frighten you in the slightest, but then again you were high off the drug.

"C-Can you u-untie my hands please?" Your voice was soft and quiet, Baekhyun noticed you werent fully aware of your surroundings and complied, untying the silk from your wrists.

Your eyes were a little dilated when you looked at him. He was gorgeous, you had to give him that, though you wanted to remember why something wasn't sitting right with him. "Baekhyun?"

He looked up with a hum.

"Who...are y-you to me?" You squinted your eyes at the man who sat on the bed next to you, drawing small shapes on your thigh in a sort of loving manner.

"Your boyfriend, y/n."

Boyfriend? You have a boyfriend?

"I have a boyfriend..?" You muttered and asked more to yourself than to him, but he snickered, knowing way more than you did.

"Kitten you drank too much, go back to sleep." He lied and pushed your shoulders down so you were flat against the mattress.

"I-i did?" You whined when Baekhyun kissed your cheek. He always wanted to kiss more than your cheek, he couldnt bring himself to do that unless you were fully conscious for him.

"Yes baby girl, so get some sleep."

You grumbled, "I-Im not t-tired."

Baekhyun sighed, "Then what would the pretty girl like to do?"

You perked up on the mattress and grinned, "Im hungry!"

"Youre hungry?" Baekhyun repeated with a smile at your small childlike energy and you nodded back, "I can ask someone to make you something if you'd like."

"Please!"

He stood up, waiting for you to do the same but since you weren't very awake, you stumbled a bit.

Baekhyun settled with carrying you to the mansions kitchen, awing at your cuteness the whole time. It was a bit of a walk but luckily you were light.

Sitting you down, Baekhyun walked off, finding someone to cook for you. In your state, you felt a bit lonely, only knowing Baekhyun and not your surroundings, it made you feel a bit lost. It shocked you too how you didnt remember Baekhyun being your boyfriend, you started question the relationship between the two of you more.

"Princess i got you your favorite dish!" He walked in with a plate of jjajangmyeon and set it down in front of you.

Your mouth was watering and you were ready to dig in before wondering, "H-How do you know m-my favorite dish?"

Baekhyun hesitated at the question before clearing his throat and spoke with a raised brow, "We're dating y/n, why wouldn't I know what you like?"

"Uh yeah..right...." you dug in, your mind was starting to clear up a bit, not enough for you to fully remember anything though. But the more you thought, the more consciousness you regained.

Baekhyun watched as you gobbled down the meal with full satisfaction. This wouldn't be the first time he's watched you and neither would it be the last. He liked knowing you were eating well and were healthy so he was proud.

"I-im done!"

"Good girl. Now wait for me to come back so we can go to bed, okay?" You nodded and sat patiently as he took your plate and waited for your boyfriend to come back.

A few moments later, Baekhyun still was no where to be seen and your mind was slowly coming back, "N-no...wait." mumbling to yourself, you figured it out in just mere seconds and remembered that your boyfriend was brutally murdered four days ago in front of you. After four days you went to the bar to drink away the anguish and met someone, that someone was Byun Baekhyun. After thirty or so minutes of talking to him, you were drugged when you werent paying attention and passed out minutes later. Now you were here at Baekhyuns mansion, lied to and kidnapped. "Oh fuck."

The chair scraped against the floor and you wasted no time running to your hopeful freedom.

But you weren't a lucky person. Oh no you weren't. You were tossed and pushed against the door you were about to open by someone much bigger. He was the same guy you saw at the bar and his smirk was nothing different. Cynical and frightening.

The man stepped closer to you before putting one hand next to your head and whispered, "Are you playing a cat and mouse game with hyung now? How cute." Standing tall, he grabbed you by the hair and dragged you back to where you came. You groaned and tried fighting back, but there was no use, he wasn't going to let go until after he practically threw you into Baekhyuns arms.

You were about to scream at Baekhyun and the no name man until Baekhyun covered your mouth with his hand, "Say something and you'll regret it." He growled into your ear as you shook and fought.

You hummed against him and tried biting his hand and punching his side, but he was like a man of steel and let it happen, only raising his brow like he wanted to hurt you, but didnt.

"Sehun, tell Chanyeol to lock all the doors for the next week or so 'til she learns how to behave."

The man nodded and ran off leaving you two alone. Fear was one way to describe it and the look Baekhyun gave you didnt help.

"Now kitten why would you go and do some shit like that? Are you asking to be punished?" He took his hand off your mouth to let you speak. Baekhyuns aura was much different than earlier. The nice guy was gone and you were left with a man who could kill you with just one look.

You stopped hitting him and screamed viciously, "Fuck you! You're fucking insane!"

"Now now princess," he pressed a hand to your throat, wrapping it tighter and tighter until you felt the oxygen leave your lungs, "It seems as if you're asking for a punishment."

"I-if you...s-so dare to-touch..any other p-part of my body, i-ill....kill you..." You whimpered, grabbing his wrist in attempts to pull him off but Baekhyun was relentless, keeping his grasp tight and painful.

"Stop struggling, you're only making this harder for yourself."

There were two options now, either listen to Baekhyun or fight until you passed out again.

"Princess." His voice held a warning tone and you hesitantly stopped and moments later he loosened his grip, you knew there would be marks by tomorrow, "We are going to bed now. Don't try to run, I have this place guarded up and if you do somehow make it out, be prepared because I will find you and beat your ass until you can't sit for a month. Understand?"

Your stomach did flips and not in a good way, you were scared, "Y-yes."

"Can you say 'yes master'?" His voice went higher as he said the last part to mimic yours.

You sighed, positive if you didnt comply then you'd be here all night, "Yes m-master..."

"Good girl." He kissed your cheek and you almost smacked him in disgust but tried not to act aggressive towards him. You wanted to leave, not be punished by whatever he had in mind. "Call me that from now on."

Baekhyun grabbed your hand and led you to the room you were just in, now that you took a good look, it was a pretty room. There was a red sofa against the wall and some other matching chairs plus a huge flat screen TV hanging on the wall facing the bed. You had to admit, he had good taste but he was still insane.

As you sat down on the bed, Baekhyun reached into his draw to pull out a t-shirt and handed it to you with a wide smile, but you raised a brow at the fabric.

"No pants?" You asked.

Baekhyun chuckled, "What for?"

"Because of creeps like you." You grumbled and snatched the shirt that dangled in front of your face before storming off into the connected bathroom. Inside, you could hear Baekhyuns annoying laugh and ignored it, changing into the surprisingly very oversized shirt that went down to your mid thigh.

Taking the clothes you wore earlier, you went back into the room where Baekhyun laid peacefully on the bed, waiting for you.

He only had his boxers on which made you groan in anger and decided to not lay on the bed and instead on the couch near it.

"Princess, what are you doing?" He perched himself on his elbows, watching you throw your clothes on the ground then take the folded blanket on the couch and wrap yourself with it as you laid down.

"Going to sleep, master." You stated coldly with a glare.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, "Get over here." He said, voice low and laced with dominance but you remained still, closing your eyes and pretending as if you were asleep. "Y/n." He warned but there was no reply.

"Thats it." You heard him get up and march to where you laid. Baekhyun picked you up and you yelped at the sudden intrusion and were thrown over his shoulder.

Smacking his back got you nowhere as he threw you down on the bed, pinning both your hands down and hovered over you with a killing look, "Next time you don't listen, ill bend you over my knee."

"Youre all talk, no action." In an instant you were flipped over and a hand landed straight on your bare ass, leaving you shocked and mouth agape.

"Are you sure, kitten? Would you like me to spank you again?"

"N-no."

"No what?"

"N-no master.."

Baekhyun slowly let you go and laid beside you, still a bit irrated. "Now go to sleep."

You couldnt. Not with the lingering fear of what could happen next. Plus, not with his arm wrapped around your waist with a somewhat tight hold. You were just too scared to let your gaurd down. Why shouldn't you be scared though? What if he took advantage of your sleeping body and did something terrible.

There was no way you could get rest now. You could now count this as your fifth day without proper sleep.

#exo smut #exo #exo fluff #exo angst #exo baekhyun #baekhyun exo #byun baekhyun #byun baekhyun smut #baekhyun smut #mafia au #yandere baekhyun #yandere #kpop smut #kpop fluff #kpop angst #kpop #kpop scenarios #exo scenarios

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washymylifeaway · 3 years

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KyouHaba Fanfic recs

Hiya! How much do I love KyouHaba? Yes. This is one of my favorite ships and one of my comfort ships <3 KyouHaba has got some amazing fics, so even if they aren’t really your thing, you should still read this :D Anyway, onto the recs!

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading (esp since KyouHaba usually deals with darker topics and not all of them tag/warn for it!) and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

CP:

Close to the Chest by darkmagicalgirl (T) 61.1k // THIS ONE man anyway I just love the progression of their relationship and the way this fic is written! The way we really go into who Yahaba is really what makes this fic great! Also there's some slightly ~angsty~ IWAOI so look out for that hehe.

Police Dog by surveycorpsjean (E) 34.9k // if you’re super against like any *furry* implications, pass this one LOL. But TBH I don’t like furries, but this one was pretty great (hence why it’s here LOL) and they make me laugh. Also I really like some of the head cannons for Kyoutani in this one and the writing style is super freakin’ good, so it’s definitely worth the read~~~ Pls CHECK TAGS AND WARNINGS cause there are a couple REAL spicy scenes in this one ;)

Team Mom by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead (T) 2.7k // so as I was going through this tag (because that’s what I do LOL), I remembered this fic and I love it. Like yes Yahaba is the fear factor and yes Kyoutani is the DAD. I really like the team dynamics in this one, and the first years make me laugh pls.

Camellias by kiyala (T) 1.9k // I love this fic and when I starting looking for this ship, it was the first one I thought of hehe. I really love magic and their interactions are so cute and the PLANTS ARE DOING THE MOST. Pls read both in the series, cause domestic KyouHaba is best KyouHaba ngl LOL. I love the plants, and if you read the second one, someone tell the trees to stop bullying Yahaba.

Sixth Time’s the Charm by tsumekakusu (T) 2k // ok THIS was SO FREAKING funny, please Yahaba how dumb can you get LOL. The number thing made me facepalm so hard, but the ending was cute and that’s all that matters, right?

Sleep by GangstaCrow (T) 5.5k // the plot twist…. omg…. I had to pause and take a moment of silence for the people suffering because of LL… Poor Kyoutani….. But this is a really funny but cute fic at the same time :D

a little bit funny, this feeling inside by postcanons (G) 5.4k // PLEASE THIS ONE omg crow matchmaker ftw. Like I said, I really love magic and this one is just so freaking funny. Also, very informational curtesy of one Kyoutani Kentarou.

meet me at the fucking pit (and let me hold your hand) by anyadisee (T) 5.4k // IF THE TITLE ISN’T MAKING YOU LAUGH ALREADY WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING????? (JK but am I really?) This was SO funny and it KILLED me,,, like all the conspiracies and how everyone was so seriously invested in it. Yes, CHAOS.

if not, winter by knightswatch (M) 54k // YES THIS FIC. THIS ONE RIGHT HERE. I love the development of their relationship,,, IT’S SO GOOD. Like when our boy Yahaba goes on that really friendly field trip and Kyoutani takes matters into his own hands? UGH YES. And when they visit? CUTE OMG. Yes this fic is it.

Isolated Parts by darkmagicalgirl (T) 3.3k // I love this fic cause old men KyouHaba are funny (fight those refs) and I love the nonlinear plot. It really adds another layer to the fic itself, and slowly unraveling the plot through the different years was SO IUAHFJF. I really loved it and piecing everything together :’)

Magicked by HoneyBeeez (T) 8.4k // CHECK TAGS, I love KyouHaba Hogwarts fics, and this one is SO good! We do love some slightly oblivious Yahaba and fake delinquent Kyoutani LOL. Though there is some violence and homophobia so if that puts you off, steer clear of this fic :)

stardust by InkCaviness (G) 1.4k // like I said, in love with KyouHaba and hogwarts fics, anyway,, this one was so short and sweet! It’s full of fluff, and honestly, if you like KyouHaba, read this entire series cause I really love these KyouHaba works :’)))))

New:

knightswatch // GREAT writer, but most of their KyouHaba works are explicit/mature, so be careful as you go through their works! My fav T one? all you have is your fire by knightswatch (T) 6.4k, but they’ve written some of the best KyouHaba I’ve read (they’re just mostly M)!

kiyala // another amazing writer and their works usually alternate between G and E LOL. But, all of their Gs are amazing, and rn my favorite was between Room To Grow by kiyala (G) 50k or Cost by kiyala (G) 1.1k cause it was either secret doggy relationship or magic LOL. But all of their fics are worth reading, and there’s a large variety of AUs!

snoqualmie // I love this writer, but they don’t have much KyouHaba (enough that I would put them here though LOL) My favorite? Mixed Signals by snoqualmie (T) 7.8k // it’s a really cute fic and I love the hc that Kyoutani has the good family! It has like a semi continuation (I think it’s in the same verse as it), but Jan. 6 features the sisters again! (Also yes for veggie fiend Kyoutani,)

tale as old as time by crossbelladonna (series) 30.2k // AHH this series is fully of such good KyouHaba fic!!!! I really love all of them but my favorite is through open doors by crossbelladonna (T) 4.3k // I love soulmate AUs and salty Yahaba is best Yahaba. Also at the end when the coffee incident happens, I love Kyoutani :’)

Words Not Spoken by Dogsocks (series) 51.5k // this is a continuous fic series (meaning all the fics are in the same verse and related to one another), but it’s so FREAKING good and I love reading it!!! It’s got some mentions of ABUSE, and things like that so please read the tags carefully!!!

kyouhaba week by InkCaviness (series) 6.7k // I loved KyouHaba week (all of them are just such AMAZING fics and tropes) and my favorite from this list was stardust by InkCaviness (G) 1.4k // I mentioned what I loved from it above, but it truly is a great fic :D

Kyouhaba Trash Week 2016 by HoneyBeeez (series) 28.9k // all three of these fics are SO good. I literally cannot choose a favorite because I loved all of them :’) Like no joke, just go read all of them because singing Kyoutani? Yes please. And also like the tattoo one was SO ajksdhfkjshdfjkln I LOVED IT AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE HOSPITAL ONE. I loved loved loved the ending, and her going to the school? UGH ADORABLE. These fics were some of my absolute favorite KyouHaba fics!

Venom and Vulnerability by darkmagicalgirl (E) 48.3k // OAAJKSFNKJ I LOVE THIS ONE YES. The concept? AMAZING. Execution? FLAWLESS. This is a GREAT fic and it’s done SO WELL,,,, I realllllly loved the plot in this and their teamwork is making the dream work! WARNING check the tags and warnings cause there’s smut, (non kinky) bondage, and death!

it's tradition. by hicsvntdracones (T) 5.5k // this fic made me want to die from second hand embarrassment. GOD, the awkwardness and really the way they went HARD on those dares PLEASE. If you don’t mind feeling embarrassed (and even if you do) go read this fic cause it’s V funny and the comedy factor cancels out the embarrassment LOL (does it? That’s what I’m tellin myself LOL).

An Equivalent Exchange by Chibs (E) 14.5k // PLEASE THIS WAS FUNNY,,,, like chill Kyoutani, Yahaba is trying his hardest okay? BUT NOT HARD ENOUGH anyway it’s a happy ending in the long run and no one dies :D how nice is that <3 (but the baby agenda? yessssir.)

The Wall Thing by rideahorse (M) 6.8k // THE TENSION :0,,, but I love how many fics go based on that one KyouHaba wall slam in the middle of the Karasuno match LOL. Also, I love the dynamics they have in this one and the way fighting ~is their communication~ Some smut is here so WARNING and they do something about the tension LOL obviously :))) Constantly curing KyouHaba is good, happy Kyouhaba.

Sixteen by surveycorpsjean (E) 13.4k // Yahaba is a basic btch and Kyoutani does football LOL. Honestly, I think that’s a pretty good summary (jk) but what’s a fic without some good tension ;) Also, cheerleader Yahaba lives in my brain rent free and I would like to propose it live in your head as well :D Aren’t I such a kind soul~

Safe in Your Hands by shions_heart (T) 8.9k // um soft KyouHaba? I think yes,,,, this also do be a common trope in the KyouHaba realm, but I’m not complaining,,,, it’s a good trope :) There IS ABUSE in this fic so big warning here! Check the tags and warnings! But the real mvp is the girl on the bus and points to Yahaba for playing spot the difference unintentionally.

The Sweetest Smile by FindingSchmomo (T) 6.6k // cake making! Yes! Bakery! Yes! It’s a great time and think about it, Kyoutani, our baby, working in a bakery making cakes? UGH my heart :’D Yes Oikawa is right, a cute grumpy puppy making flowers (CUTE VERY CUTE) and it doesn’t help that Kyoutani looks like a total bad boy in this fic too :DDDDDD

wear your love like it's made of hate by parenthetic (renaissance) (T) 3.3k // we are starting this off with the alt title totally worked and I would’ve read it either way LOL. Also, the ending was funny and thinking about why everyone was wearing it would’ve been so confusing to the other teams (also shout out to Yahabas line and Kyoutani calling his eyeliner a whore). But yes to random sexual tension, this is KyouHaba nation.

captain's orders by whitemiists (G) 3.7k // okay we love Watari in KyouHaba nation (surprised I haven’t talked about loving Watari yet but better now than never right?), but also Yahaba being messenger for Kyoutani (baby first years are ajhsajdfh). I love this trope and also I love rooftop lunch crew is yes :D

Running In Place by cleiioo (T) 33.3k // GUYS OMG THIS FIC. CAUTION ABUSE AND RUNNING AWAY AND BAD PARENTS SELF DEPRECATION I COULD GO ON BUT BOTTOM LINE IS BE CAREFUL READ TAGS! This fic is UGHHH YES. First, twenty questions make another appearance, and DUCKS. Yes, ducks. But this fic is just written really well, and honestly Kyoutani might be a tad bit ooc, but it’s okay, you don’t even notice. Distracted by the amazing writing :)

Something About Fate by patteh (T) 4.6k // SOULMATES! And then they were soulmates :D I love a good soulmate denial AU, and this is no exception. I loved Yahana’s backstory in this, and I think it set up a great framework for the plots progression! Also, the ending was really cute (and we all know, I’m a sucker for a cute ending :D)

toeing the line by masi (T) 2.7k // the mcDonalds cause WE’RE LOVING IT! But this was a fun read cause a. it goes pretty fast and b. communication exists? ANyway, I like the ending cause Yahaba is one smooooooth btch! It’s just a lot of banter (playful and not), and I’d read tags jic for this fic :)

bumblebee by shizuoh (T) 1.5k // he got sht on by a bumblebee. Points for creativity Yahaba, points. But this is just a fun, random AU where pepperoni on pizza is a universal aggrievance (esp the infused on cheese kind,,, I feel you Yahaba), we disown furries (for good reason), and you confront people staring at you! This IS a flirting 101 textbook. (also yes Yahaba, murder Mattsun!)

The art of fighting in heels by boxofwonder (T) 8.7k // yeah don’t question this fic. It’s like,,, you just kinda,,,, well,,,,,, I mean who doesn’t want to read about Iwa fighting in heels? Like you’re not thinking about magical guy Iwa? Maybe you should. (the way the summary has nothing to do with KyouHaba, I swear they’re a main component, but no thoughts just Iwa in sailor moon cosplay.)

yahaba vs. the miyagi captains by blessings (T) 3.7k // I love this hc and I wish there was more of it because Yahaba picking fights with everyone is fun and I like the chaos :D Like honestly, the creativity of some of the burns? Just amazing, it filled me with serotonin. I’m not kidding :0 But like, Kyoutani having to make sure that he doesn’t go overboard was askfkahf.

Love the One You Hold by shions_heart (T) 3k // f tough KyouHaba, I’m here for the soft, loving KyouHaba. Like mushy feelings KyouHaba, the kind which makes me feel singler than I already am single. Reassuring of feelings and ajsfdhla KyouHaba. The ending is KYAAA!!! Caution for implied bad parents!

a thousand and one roses by rorarot (T) 3.4k // I love florist Kyoutani and it’s honestly a crime I didn’t recommend more florist Kyoutani fics :( Points for the pun, Yahaba, points. Also, the progression of their relationship was YES, and this fic was SUPER cute :D

It Takes Two by Poteto (G) 24.1k // IT’S COHESIVE KYOUHABA WEEK! I really loved this fic and I enjoyed how they incorporated each prompt into each day! There is homophobia and running away so be careful when reading this fic, and check the tags!

So I Like Your Dog by helloyesIamtrash (G) 4.8k // FIRST, this is within a series of soulmate AU fics (all in the same verse) and SECOND, this was really good! I loved the way Yahaba’s family are a bunch of late bloomers and how YAHABA DIDN’T LET THE MF RUN AWAY. Yes communication, WE LOVE AND STAN.

but tonight i'll need you to stay by InkCaviness (G) 2.2k // the feels were strong with this one :’( Pushing my SOFT KyouHaba agenda. But I LOVE this one for the feels and also because they don’t dance around it. Just straight forward, random a confessions. It’s a great time. But also, I can’t believe he slipped LOL.

Down River Road by carafin (G) 4.4k // I love list fics, I think they’re great and I think I might just have a thing for lists in general (LOL). But also, I love the growth both of them undergo over time and the interactions with Oikawa in KyouHaba fics are always fun :)

I (Heart) You by darkmagicalgirl (T) 3.6k // I really like this fic. Like REALLY like/love. Maybe it’s the ending where Yahaba goes ham on that one guy. Or maybe it’s the magic. I think it’s just cause it’s written spectacularly. But no seriously, it’s a great fic and I really loved the AU :D

Five Times Kyoutani Failed to Say 'I love You' (And One Time He Didn't) by patteh (T) 3k // a 5+1! Yes! TBH I don’t understand the importance of saying ily to your significant others (maybe it’s just because I don’t understand romance very well LOL someone explain it to me), but if it’s important to them, IT’S IMPORTANT TO ME. Also, Kyoutani is dog agenda, full force ahead.

Baby steps (or 'Yahaba's guide to applying eyeliner on a grumpy puppy') by ghostsgf (G) 1.5k // more Yahaba and eyeliner fics! Of course :D If you can’t tell, KyouHaba nation and I really love Kyoutani + eyeliner, so yes. Eyeliner. But also, fractured arms and toilet adventures!

baby don't hurt me by orphan_account (M) 4k // LET ME BEGIN THIS WITH THE A/N AT THE END. YES I AGREEEE. Also SMUT alert but like nothing really happens? And again, while I don’t 100% get the ily thing, this one makes more sense to me and I can see why Yahaba got angry. We love crying boys though ahaha.

Retrograde by dreyars (T) 19.5k // AJFJLSFJLASD ANGST THE ANGST AND I- I love amnesia fics, they have such GREAT angst potential (which was totally used in this fic YES!) and UGH this fic. The feels you go through while reading this but ALSO THE ENDING! YES I LOVE. IN LOVE. THEY’RE IN LOVE YOUR HONOR.

restless by Crawlingthroughashes (T) 2.4k // PLEASE the petty Yahaba agenda is back and the way I ajfhdjkadshlf when he started his plan. BRB CRYING (of laughter ofc). Also the CONFRONTATION. Smooth Yahaba, oh so very mf smoooooth (very much so nailed it). Sugar high trick-or-treater in bunny slippers.

The Time Yahaba gained a boyfriend by sammysosa157 (T) 3.8k // PLEASE I saw the post for this fic and it was SO funny! I really loved this prompt, and the execution of it was done really well. Boo for weird food combinations, though ig if you’re in college and you’re broke, you gotta do what you gotta do :/

wanna give you a kiss by Slumber (T) 2.8k // kith give kithes muah muah (omg I’m so sorry you had to read that no regrets tho ahaha only shame). But this fic is SO cute and boyfriend chicken is fun :D Like the fluff in this fics is just so AJKKJAF and like Watari knows best.

Touch by tetskuroo (T) 2.4k // aihdjk PLEASE. This is SOFT! KYOUTANI! and non a hole but pushy! YAHABA! There is HUGGING cause WHY NOT! But the soft Kyoutani agenda is getting pushed hard today LOL. I mean the mans starts to turns the waters works ons. What more could you possibly need? (other than a cuddle session cause why tf not >:( and me to write normally LOL)

what the night does to the day by deathbyglamour (G) 9.9k // AHH HOGWARTS! I realized I forgot to add this fic to the Hogwarts list and I was so angry at myself. The potion version of our get along shirt :) I loved this fic and their relationship development was lovely :DDDD

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back by Asimi_Shadowborn (T) 30.6k // I love magic AUs and this was ahdjsjjfjs. The trope was amazing, the execution was flawless, and the communication? Nearly nonexistent just how we like it :’) it’s a great read and you’ll regret nothing.

Baby, I bought a dragon by tetsuskitten (T) 1.1k // AJKSFHKJ WITCHES. I love them being witches/warlocks cause IT’S AN AMAZING TROPE DUH. But like the dragon made me laugh, the conman Kuroo is KJAFN. But yes, THERE’S ANOTHER FIC AND IT’S AJSHKJASF YES READ <33333 (why didn’t I just put it as a series, cause I forgot and then I got lazy, leave me be.)

Thorne-blessed by fish_wifey (T) 19.4k // (again, another that HAS ANOTHER FIC but then I was too lazy to transport it up to the series section deal with it.) But THIS YES. First tattoo artist Kyoutani is a sight to see. But also, Yahaba is baby. And like the ending of how it all got resolved was so satisfying and the conflict execution was really creative :D CAUTION FOR THIS ONE, some bullying and violence-ish!

what a wonderful kind of day by qingting (G) 1.2k // PLEASE. I love it when Kyoutani talks to animals, it fills me with joy. But also, ofc points to Yahaba for the new nickname, dog whisperer. Cute and I like it more than Mad Dog chan. Also, Kyoutani’s thoughts on Yahaba were funny and are worth the read LOL. I like pats too, Shiromaru.

what becomes of broken hearts by plumtrees (T) 8.1k // OOOOF some angst right here. Like I’m in paiiiiiiin. But you should read it so we can be in pain together :’D Like the way we had to witness the falling out AND the break up to be happy again. UGH. Just don’t think too much and jump in.

we both know what we know by Slumber (E) 4.7k // UHH EXPLICIT FOR A REASON LIKE WITHIN THE FIRST SECTION I THINK BUT THEN IT CONTINUES AHHAHA. But also, riling Kyoutani up and just teasing him in general? Fun times (at least Yahaba thinks so LOL). But like also, random thought but the comments on the (fake) IwaOi divorce made me laugh LOL.

new constellations by thealmostviki (G) 4.3k // reincarnation AU, but it’s like non linearish! It’s really good and the writing is very eloquent :D I really loved this fic and the ending was UGH adorable! I love references and the way they still feel things in the next lives :’) Milk and honey guys, milk and HONEY.

FINALLY DONE. WHEW. I hope you all enjoyed these fics, and ik my commentary got/was super bad but pls just pretend like you’re not seeing it. I swear once upon a time it was informational but now it’s just me writing random sht down LOL. Again, I love KyouHaba so this honestly was a lot of fun to make (even if I kept complaining about it) and I ended up not splitting the list hence why it’s so long! I hope I made all of you into KyouHaba lovers cause it’s one of my favorite ships :D

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years

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The Mandalorian Chapter 12 rewatch thoughts

- I would like to thank them for keeping in din’s harried yet triumphant ‘hAH!!’ when he gets the explosives to stick to gideon’s ship in the ‘hey remember when this happened last season’ section, that was a nice gesture from the showrunners to me personally, I assume

- this episode actually helped me find more enjoyment in the last one, because it’s such a nice reassurance that even though they’re pulling in more stuff from other star wars media this show won’t suddenly stop being its own thing and mando won’t suddenly stop being himself and it’s very comforting to me somehow haha

- the small hesitation before din calls out “do you... do you have the wire?” lol lol lol he’s completely aware of the bizarreness of what he’s doing here but hey being alive is already so damn weird etc.

the softness of his voice the whole way through and the fact that he never, never blames the baby for not being able to do what shouldn’t really be asked of him in the first place, tho... ;____;

- the tiny exasperated head tilt din does when he realizes the hatch isn’t going to extend all the way fdslkfhasdlashfs

- din is looking down at the baby the entire time while greef talks to the mechanics ❤️❤️❤️

(the baby seems pretty drawn to/excited to see greef again and mando seems to notice which is extremely cute. he’s becoming really good at tuning in with the kid)

he also greets cara baby first in much the same way as he does peli, like he knows what the main attraction here is lol, they do a very sweet bro nod at each other. god I wish gina carano wasn’t so terrible imagine if we could just have this BrOTP without hesitations :(

I think greef is actually a bit worried to begin with after seeing the ship, he sort of takes din in intently before he huffs a little laugh and grabs his arm. it must be a bit stressful to be his friend and not be able to see his expression right away when you worry something might be seriously wrong haha

- people are finally treating the baby like you would a real baby and it’s such a blessing, everyone talking and cooing at him and baby babbling back

(I wonder if greef has children of his own? he does have an undeniable air of experienced grandpa about him in this episode, it’s adorable)

- din does so much talking -- unprompted, even! -- these days, it truly is an embarrassment of riches

- capital E Emotional about this shot with IG-11 right behind din and cara inviting him into the school in front of him. some past carried with us into the future shit going on here

IG-11′s legacy’s still got our back y’all :’) I swear to god if gideon blows up nevarro at some point I’m going to lose it

the ‘oh yeah?/that so?’ way din leans his head back after she says “wait until you see inside” is also amazing

- baby reaching out his hand like ‘can have?’ is so polite ;______; he takes after his father (including in the ‘fool me twice, I’ll fuck you up’ department haha. listen you get one chance to be cool about it and then no more mr nice mando/baby)

go ahead, kid, make a fuss about it. who are you going to tell, huh? who’s going to believe you? you gonna tell them you got bested by a baby? a magic baby? no? that’s right. I took your dignity as easily as I took your macarons, there’s nothing you can do to change it, and now you gotta live with that. sweet dreams.

(this is a joke. the baby is not evil. I hate that I even have to specify this but I’ve seen some stupid shit in the tags in my time you guys haha)

- I can’t work out what anything on greef’s desk is supposed to be, but if that’s a computer it’s got to be older than even the razor crest lol

- friends: din yes?

mando: din no, only repairs

friends: din yes please?

mando: ... [sigh] din yes

he truly has next to no defense against people he actually likes asking him for something huh lol. well a self care co-op mission clearly did him a world of good in this one at least it’s all fine

- “I’m starting to dehydrate, Boss” is an excellent line and delivered perfectly, I cackle every time (”You park your gills right there until I say otherwise” is a good runner up too)

- it’s so nice to see the small moments of communication between them in this one after mando was so out of sync with the team in the last one (and tbf those guys didn’t even try to give him any pointers at all, they really left him to flounder through the whole thing if you watch it carefully haha)

- the mythrol’s jacket still looks so comfy, I want one

- aaaaah the way din says “I don’t like this” is just so... hnnngh it’s perfect, there’s a vulnerability and openness to it for a moment. greef glances over at him like he hasn’t heard him sound like this before too, which just sells it even more

u ok bro?

you know shit’s fucked up when din djarin expresses an emotion without even being forced to by circumstance (I think what I mean is that it’s actually really rare for him to state how he feels about something just to do it, usually his communication is more practically oriented, more along ‘I think this is the best cause of action because of a and b’ lines, or like when he tells omera he’s grateful it’s... more to inform her of it and make sure she knows than to express himself? but he’s starting to do it more with people he trusts now and it gets me in the heart? man I’m finding this hard to articulate let’s move on lol)

- I really, really wonder about pershing’s position in all of this. his plea for the child’s life did sound genuine -- he did try to guard him with his own noodly scientist body when he thought din was out to hurt him, remember -- but is that only because he knows he’s in deep shit himself without the blood the baby can give? is he maybe not quite cool with whatever gideon has him doing? (he does sound quite strained when he talks about the ‘body’ rejecting the transfusion and the ‘volunteer’ potentially suffering the same fate... hm.)

idk why I want there to be something redeemable in him so bad, maybe it’s just my weird yet enduring attachment to ladon radim in stargate atlantis messing with me they’re kind of similar in some ways (yeah don’t ask me I don’t know either sometimes the heart wants what it wants in ways reason can’t explain)

- tfw ur literally launching yourself across a pool of boiling lava because you’re Dad and your baby’s in danger T__________T he just does not stop running towards that kid for even a single second help

- there’s something so innocently pure and... old fashioned? about the scene with mythrol and greef screaming the entire time they drive off the cliff, it feels like something out of a movie from like three decades ago. that whole segment feels a bit like that, it’s just there to be fun and that’s okay sometimes

- every dog fight in every movie should have a baby nonchalantly snacking on a cookie in them, it elevates the experience immeasurably (he squishes his nose a little bit with the macaron when he misses his mouth at one point, which is more than anyone should be expected to bear honestly)

I love that even all fixed up again the razor crest groans and creaks like an old tired thing when din makes it flip to dive, he 100% did take out a bunch of ferraris in his stalwart morris minor of a spaceship and I treasure him

- there’s so much life and emotion in din’s voice here I can’t!!!! I simply can’t!!!! imagine if we get to hear him openly laugh one day, would I even survive it??!!!!

also the kid makes such pitch perfect ‘having my lil nose wiped and whining about it’ baby noises when din uses his cape to clean him up (din does turn the autopilot on before he turns around to deal with it, for those who, like me, worry about these things)

- between carson showing up and the stuff the droid talks about in the lesson they’re doing quite a bit of outer rim vs. core worlds theme building in this one, I wonder if this is going to ramp up more or what

- god but gideon’s theme SLAPS tho

he’s probably going to try to fuck up everything I love but you can’t fault him on the tunes he’s going to do it to

#star wars #the mandalorian #the mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian meta #and now off to bed like I should have been half an hour ago lol

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 3 years

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The Full Moon (A White Demon’s Love Song, Part 7.)

Series description: A new job was the reason you found yourself on a lonely road trip on the western coast, ending up in the woods of the Olympian Peninsula. Yet a sudden car malfunction was what cause your unplanned stay in Forks. To your surprise, there was a lot of sinister things going on under the veil of fog.

Part Summary: As the relationship between you and the grumpy shapeshifter finally moved on to the better ground, you knew you were now in the position to ask to see more of the magic that Quilete people could do.

A/N: Okay, okay, okay. I'm back and... Let's get this bad boy running, shall we?

Tagging: @missdictatorme

Word count: 4.6 K

Twilight playlist: ✨ Twilight Crackheads ✨

Series masterlist: H E R E

Jacob sat there in dead silence for a moment, before he looked back at you, just sitting there, chewing the meat and staring at him with a small smile. - "Are you sure that you're in the right headspace? We can talk about this later if you want." - At that, you furrowed. You've asked him to show you the wolf again. Okay, maybe, you've been making a fairground attraction out of his abilities and you weren't afraid to tell it out loud, but you wanted to see the animal again. You were curious about seeing it. - "What are you after?" - You mumbled, taking another bite from your almost cold meal. Dear Lord, you've been sitting at the table for more than half an hour. - "You've hit your head, had a panic attack, fainted twice, and even though, you want to see it again. Don't you have any sort of self-preservation instinct? Or do you just find it exciting to have your life threatened all the time?"

It was played out as a joke and you both grinned, you even let out a small laugh... But it was just reminding Jacob of her. How excited she was to discover the werewolves, that she was fond of learning more about them - more so, there was a short fascination phase. Funny, how things sometimes replayed the exact way it was before. - "Hey, look at it from my perspective. I've been living my whole life listening to fairytales and legends, myths, stories... And now, I've learned that some of them are real. Of course, I want to see it again." - "It's not a magic trick. It's who I am, Y/N." - Jacob looked you dead in the eyes to scare you off a bit, but it hadn't made you even flinch. - "And I do respect that, Jacob." - It was just a whisper, but the five words meant a whole lot.

You were telling him that you're respecting this side of him and that you're not scared anymore. Well, that you're not scared of him, more so - which was fair, there was something way more malicious to be scared of. The cold ones, knowns also as the fricking vam-pi-res which you still couldn't say out loud. And now, it was your conflict as well, whether you wanted to take part in it or not. You were there and you should accommodate real fast, or it's going to cost a lot more than a slight concussion, two faintings, and obviously, making yourself an idiot out of yourself in front of fucking everyone. Which made you furrow. - "How do you even know I fainted twice and that I was acting like an idiot? You weren't here - Seth was with me the whole time." - "It's going to get crazier than it already is... Do you want me to answer this one?" - Jacob furrowed and you nodded. - "Are you sure?" - He asked once more. Again, you nodded

Maybe you thought that you're going crazy, Jacob couldn't tell what was going through that head of yours. So far, it seemed that not that much was going on there. And so, he went for it. - "We can see, hear, and feel our thoughts. The members of the pack a 24/7 access to every thought that has ever gone through your head, every feeling that went through... They can see everything. It's very uncomfortable and scary - but that's how I know what was happening here." - "Like all the time?" - "No, only when we shift and the person shifts around the same time." - Wow. How many boobies did the werewolves have to see? How much of the action... Did they see? Sex was the last appropriate thought in a situation like this one - but it was the most natural one.

Once more, your face was looking like a frozen Windows XP program as you thought about all the dirty secrets they knew about eating others... Well, there weren't any dirty secrets if they simply saw all of them, huh? That was one of the most fucked up things you've heard until that day. - "And can you like... Not share with them?" - You wondered after at least two-minutes-lasting silence. - "When you're good at playing mind games or you're a total asshole, constantly thinking about something unpleasant, theoretically, you can hide some of your memories... But trust me, we've been in each other's heads for enough of a long time. Mind games start to bore you to death after some time." - "But it's better than seeing someone bending Betty from the gas station over a table, ain't it? I'm sorry, but I can't stand the bare thought of seeing my friends... Doing stuff. Yuck." - At that, Jacob snickered - which fluidly translated to a burst of happy laughter. - "I'm talking years of being in each other's heads. Not just... Weeks or months. No matter how hard you'd try to conceal everything, there's always a small moment of vulnerability, which can tell others everything, especially when you imprint. Then you don't care about how the miserable singles perceive your all-day projection of a happy relationship." - Jacob mumbled then, his expression coldening at the end of his statement.

Again, there was this hint of sadness and the other Jacob taking over the wheel, steering the ship for now. Yet now, you were to jump straight into the sadness. - "Come again? Imprinting? And what's that about?" - You asked, reminding him that most of this is all news for you. You've never been inside the consciousness of the pack - you never saw Quil constantly gushing over his precious Claire, or before, you couldn't hear Sam thinking of Emily. At the start, it was sweet, but occasionally, it started to feel like flexing on the members who hadn't found the one yet. - "That's another form of slavery we, as the werewolves, participate in." - Jacob tried to joke around, but the tone of his voice gave him in. - "Okay, I'm ready to hear about that."

It wasn't making Jacob easy to talk about the imprinting, trying to explain it to someone - again. But he did. He talked about endless love where the wolf had no choice but to listen to the damn calling of his imprintee. He couldn't leave, he couldn't just stop loving them, the wolves had no choice in this matter. It was one of the most unfair and disgusting, weird things you've heard about that evening. But it made you think... Maybe this was why Jacob was so sour about Bella all the time. He imprinted - and she just let his trust go, becoming a vampire. She let him suffer, alone and unwanted. - "Did it..." - "No." - Jacob answered before you've even finished your question. So that wasn't what happened either - but you were positive that something similar to it had happened. The idea simply haunted you - how would it feel to fall for someone without choosing to do so? Without any reasoning?

On the other hand, it must've been extremely freeing. Not to think about doing right and wrong, just to do as your head tells you to - to love, admire and care for a person until the point it almost kills you, not to put yourself and your feelings in the first place... Damn. It had pros and cons. - "Okay." - You said when you've settled all the ideas inside your head. - "When we'll be doing it? I mean, when you're going to show me?" - Well, you certainly weren't fucking around. There was no question about IF Jake's going to show you, the question asked was starting with WHEN. On one hand, you've had the right to know more about it. On the other hand, it was none of your fucking business - especially with the vampires lurking around Forks.

And as usual for Jacob, he chooses the less logical solution. - "Tonight. I have a watch over the Ozette lake and I'm supposed to be alone there. Also, it's not probable for the leeches to track us out there." - Jacob was never the best with making good decisions, that was the first thing going on there. The second matter was that Jacob was sure you'd follow him into the woods - and if you'd drop dead again, Seth couldn't be the prince to rescue this time. The third thing about this situation was that it would be most likely the best solution, for a few days, to stick with one of the wolves. The trackers hadn't come across the few drops you've let in the forest when you banged your forehead into a damn root - they'd surely soon do so since it was quite smelly.

Now, when you were on board with everything, it also wasn't so crazy to ask you about borrowing a t-shirt from you. Sure, other boys and mainly Sam won't be too happy with how much did Jacob tell you - yet it was better than you walking around without having any clue. He could leave out some parts, for sure, but why would he do so? He was in a fucking shitty situation - no way in hell would he be pretending that everything on the planet is a-ok. - "Okay." - You chimed happily. Suddenly, you whipped folds with papers on the table, working as you ate the last crumpets on your plate. - "Also, there's this one problem." - "The money doesn't add up? " - Jacob asked back, his eyes glued to the TV. - "No, I'm just almost done with all the papers I was able to find there. You don't have the business for too long, do you?

At this, another bit of the conversation was started - Jacob told you how he got the old workshop from a mechanic who was too old to keep up. Of course, he paid something for the business, but it was more of a symbolic amount of money than a huge sum. Jacob also started to keep the record about all the gigs he has taken since he started to work as the new mechanic; yet despite his best tries, he was a messy person - your help was heavily appreciated in this field. This start-up was just what Jacob needed to leave La Push. He was still spending some time at the weekend in there with his dad, Seth, and his other friends, but now, he was trying to get through life on his own.

He dreamt about going on a vacation to somewhere where it's always sunny and warm, but he was still saving up for the dreamy trip of his life. Which, as you guessed, wasn't going too well. Jacob, being the good-willed idiot, was trying to help the needy people who couldn't afford to pay that much for a mechanic and there was a lot of small amounts of money he just... Let go. Just like with you, with Mrs. Peterson, and a ton of other people. So... He was most likely to spend his whole damn life in Forks. - "Yeah, but I mean... I will be done soon. What should I do when all the papers are sorted?" - You asked when the story was ended. - "Well, since you still have a debt, you might as well help me with the gigs, I suppose. Tomorrow, I have one in Sappho and then two cars in La Push, I think. And a routine check-up at the station... And then your car." - Jacob started to count on his fingers, naming every gig he had written into his calendar. - "I don't know anything about cars. And you've told me that you're gonna do something to me if I even get close to one of your cars. The cars don't like me either, just to let you know." - At that, Jacob laughed into the back of his palm. - "I'll be there and I'll show you your way around the cars, I swear. You won't be letting anyone's car blow up on my watch." - And there, it was the start of something so-called a friendship.

As Jacob promised, it could be around 8 p.m. as you both climbed into the tank he called a car. He made sure you've made yourself some hot tea and put it into a Thermo cup, some food, he so made you take your jacket and his raincoat just to be sure you won't feel cold. The whole ride to the unknown was quiet, yet in a nice way. You've been shifting on your seat expectedly, watching your surroundings. There were woods as far as you could see, nothing but deep and dark woods. Suddenly, Jacob turned off the engine and looked at you. You've been in the middle of literal nowhere, yet Jacob was sure you're just where you've been supposed to be. - "Well, come on, we're here." - The man smiled sadly. He was playing out the worst scenarios inside his mind for the last ten minutes and he was just praying you wouldn't fain when he'd show his wolf form to you. - "We'll be walking for half an hour," - "In this pitch-black night? Are you out of your mind?" - At that weak argument, Jacob snickered quite happily.

"I forgot you can't see that well in the dark." - The man scratched the nape of his neck as he looked around. - "But you'll be just fine, trust me. Let's go." - With a quite loud clap, he ventured to the forest head first, not waiting for what you wanted to do. Unexpectedly, you stood still at the trunk of his car while the wildest thoughts raced through your mind. That man told you, just mere hours ago, that there are vam-pi-res somewhere in the woods and now he wanted you to wander somewhere behind him, orienting only through the sounds of his heavy footsteps... Jacob was surely half-insane, you were one hundred percent sure of that. Suddenly, said crazy man popped his head on the other side of the trunk, making you squirm in fear. First, you ducked and tried to hide, but then, your mind clicked as your brain realized it's only Jacob

"Holy mother of shit." - The curse made Jacob grin, but he didn't say a single word as he leaned his elbows to the sides of the said trunk. - "I swear to God that I'll have a heart attack if you keep fucking around with me. You scared me to death."

"What are you so scared about? I've heard everyone looks better in the dark, Y/N, which makes me the best looking man in all of the Forks and La Push." - At that argument, a wide grin appeared on your face. Sure, you still were a bit tense, but as of now, Jacob's presence was calming you down... Which was a thing you thought you'd never say out loud. In the end, he was one grumpy and scary package. As of now, he was tall as a mountain and pretty well-built as far as you could judge; said man could also turn into a wolf at will, so it was a win-win situation. You had to be safe with him even if you didn't want to. - "Debatable." - It was not much more than a silent mumble when you answered Jacob. - "Come on. Don't be a sissy, nothing bad can happen to you. I can't smell anything inhuman in here. You're safe."

To be absolutely exact, Jacob couldn't smell anything other than you. Not that you'd be smelly or smelling funny, your smell was just outrageously strong, even in an opened, windy space. But he was sure that if any leech would be lurking around, he'd either see or smell them. - "Sissy?" - Was the answer you came up with, leaving the safe space behind the trunk. With never-before-seen confidence, you walked up to the edge of the woods, quite literally pulling your sleeves up in the process. - "You called me a sissy? Well, young man, you just outdo yourself. I'm no sissy." - And just like that, you stumbled to the pitch-black dark forest, walking a few steps forward between mossy, cold trees. At first, you still knew Jake's right behind to watch each of the steps you made, yet as the time passed by, the silence was growing louder and louder.

You've made it a few feet into the woods before you realized that you, in fact, were a total sissy. As you walked out of the edge again, you could now see Jacob resting his back on the side of his car, watching you with a small, daring smile. - "I gave you a minute before you walk back out. You impressed me with your time of a minute and fifteen seconds." - "Oh, fuck off. A forest is a freaky place when you can't see even a foot away from you. I almost hit a tree with my forehead." - With a sigh, you caught the straps of your backpack in your palms and looked at him. - "Well, lucky for you, I have a plan B."

First, you didn't know what he was doing - the man kneeled in front of you while showing you his back, waiting for you to do something. What you were supposed to do was in no way clear to you, to be honest. - "Are you climbing on it or not?" - Jacob asked impatiently after almost a minute of getting his knees wet. Were you doing... What? What did the man just ask you to do? To climb on his back? Well, who were you not to deliver?

With all the concentration you had in you and with the best skill you could have while wearing two thick jackets, you climbed on his back, making sure you were holding to his shoulders as firmly as you could. At first, it seemed to be working - with little to no actual force, Jacob walked at least half a mile with you on his back. The only problem was your ass slowly slipping down with each step he took. And suddenly...

"Oh, loca. Did you hurt yourself?" - As soon as Jacob heard a loud wet thud, he knew you've fallen directly on your ass. Yeah, it did hurt a little, but it was nothing you wouldn't walk off pretty easily. - "No, I think I'm good, it's basically nothing." - A mutter along with a sharp curse word left your lips as you tried to pick yourself hard. And you needed to say that it wasn't the easiest task when you couldn't see more than one and a half feet from you. Jacob watched you trying to find a tree nearby with a smirk on his face before he actually bowed down and made sure to pick you up bridal style.

"I can walk on my own, Jesus Christ, Black! I'm heavy!" - A quiet squirm hit Jacob's ears as he started running with you in his arms as if you were nothing but air. Even though you started to wiggle a bit to show you're not consenting to be carried, the man could hear your heart slowly calming down. Just like that, you felt very safe. - "We can talk about that once you start walking properly. You women really need to work on your marches, let me tell you that." - Jacob answered while making his way forward as if you weren't even there. - "It's hard to walk when you can't see for your dear life." - Was the last mutter you left out before curling up closer to the warmth he radiated as you tried to find a better position for yourself to relieve both him and you.

Jacob remembered the forest trail to lake Ozette from the back of his head. During the day, the place could be lovely when any leeches were around - it was a huge body of water laying as far as an eye could see, some shores were beachy, some of them were covered in reeds. When the summer was warm enough, it was one of Jake's favorite spots to take a swim at along with the boys, especially when they decided they are bored of cliff diving for now. As he thought about that, there were many beautiful spots around Washington the guides didn't talk about and which you definitely had to see for yourself - just like that one meadow high up in the mountains, or the canyon cutting the edge between Quileute and Cullen territory. There was just something simply magical about these spots.

It took him a moment to form the right kind of sentence before he started talking. Which, let's be honest, kinda freaked you out - the man was running around a pitch-black forest with you in his arms and nothing more than jean shorts and a plain t-shirt on, barefoot, let you add and he still found to breath to talk to you amidst all of that. - "You know, if we survive all of this in good health..." - Jacob started carefully. It was meant as a joke, but seeing your eyes widen in horror made him realize this wasn't funny to you. - "I mean, when all this is over, because, we will destroy those leeches and that's a promise, I think I have some secret spots for you that you might want to see." - "But... What about my car? Won't it be long repaired by then?" - Ouch. It was a good question, but it hurt the good-hearted Jacob right in the feels; this time, the mean, grumpy guy wasn't in charge.

Yes, he should focus on repairing your car as quickly as he was capable of just to get you out of Forks for good. As a reward, he wouldn't feel the heavy responsibility for another human being who was fully dependant on him and his pack in this scenario. On the other hand... - "What if we don't get the right parts, huh? I think you should start to prepare for prolonging your stay in Forks and by all means, you should find yourself a good part-time job. Newtons always look for a part-time worker." - Even if you could see just a sheer glimpse of his teeth, you knew he was basically smiling from ear to ear.

"Jacob Black, you're one of the best mechanics I've seen," - Wow. That was a huge compliment. Yet, then the second part of the sentence came to play and it ruined the nice thing completely. - "Truth is, I have seen like... One mechanic working. But you seem to be great at what you're doing and with your love for classic cars, there's no way in hell you wouldn't get my Beetle working." - "You meant do say the wreck, didn't you?" - "Oh, fuck you. No more compliments for you, you get cocky too easily." - To keep you in the headspace of winning that small quarrel, Jacob didn't say a word throughout the rest of the way. It wasn't much longer a mere five minutes later when something very bright hit your eyes.

Oh, it was the moon. It made sense - no clouds were in the sky, it was clear and you've also been miles away from the nearest small town. Here, as it reflected in the masses of water, the moon looked as big as never before. When Jacob put you down, you didn't wait for a signal that the proximity of Ozette if vam-pi-re free and just walked to the meadow surrounding it. As it was to be expected, it was cold as hell - there was a huge mass of water in front of you and the wind was blowing; yet your eyes were basically glued to the big, grey, shiny ball on the sky. - "I told you there are some secret spots you might enjoy." - Black grinned as he pressed something to your hand. At first, you just nodded with your mouth opened as you were unable to look away, yet as soon as you realized you're holding a piece of cloth, it hit you - Jacob walk walking back to the edge of the forest's edge, unzipping his jean shorts. It was happening.

With a soft thud, you took down your backpack and turned head first towards the spot the man disappeared at. Nothing more than a splashing of water and soft howling of the wind could be heard, yet you knew exactly what was happening. And when it happened, the sound reminded you of a quiet, strange explosion, you knew that this time, you've been perfectly prepared for what was waiting for you hidden just ten feet away from the nearest tree.

This time, when you saw it, you hadn't fainted. In fact, you stood perfectly still and watched the majestic animals slowly walking towards you.

#the twilight saga #jacob black #jacob black x fem!reader #the werewolf bois are back baby #you'll see them in the next round #they'll make at least a guest appearance #damn it feels good to be back #even if i just finish this series #did you listen to twilight soundtrack?#you should #it's cracked #i swear

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happypeachwhispers · 4 years

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Fries Meet Guys: ALEX HØGH ANDERSEN - I DIDN'T THINK I WAS A PERSON WHO SHOULD TALK ABOUT ANXIETY - Part Two: Performing, Friendship

Thank you for your patience, here’s the long awaited part two! Are you crying, cause I’m crying. He’s such a profound human being.

Taglist: @ivarsrideordie @tgrrose @shannygoatgruff @youbloodymadgenius @boltslightning @alexein13 @ivaraddict @jupiter-sagittarius

PART ONE HERE

PARTS THREE TO EIGHT

I was all over the place, like I always am, after all, and I enjoyed that experience a lot, it filled something inside of me. I always knew I needed something else. I sure was a pain in the ass for many people, but then I met a whole group of people just like me and I learned what acceptance means. What was percieved as “different” in my daily life became normal and I felt at home. I was certainly the most determined one, the first time at the Eventyrteatret I was the only one of 50 kids in the room who didn't live in Copenhagen and had to take a long trip to get there. It was so crazy and chaotic. It was so strange that they sang and danced, and then they all danced in sync into a song they prepared for the annual performance. Well, back then I thought it was weird, but a month went by and it became completely normal for me. “I'm one of you”.

It was a new experience. You suddenly started singing and dancing in Copenhagen, how was that recieved back at home in Skælskør?

I think it took some time for the people I used to hang out with to understand that. I have to say I may remember feeling a little bit out of place. But it also has to be said, I've always been pretty comfortable in school, honestly. I have never been the one who has been so unpopular or I have struggled extra hard, I think. So it was, maybe, a little bit difficult. It might have been hard for me not to be accepted anymore because I was accepted before. Their point of view wasn't the big challenge for me, I actually think it was more an internal challenge with myself, I could feel there was a completely different world. I didn't know anything about it but I just made room for myself and I discovered there was a part of me I had no idea was there in the first place.

Was it difficult to maintain frendships in school when you were busy driving back and forth between Skælskør and Copenhagen?

It has actually not been that bad in primary school. But I have to say in high school, yes, it was. I have some friends from high school I talk to every now and then, but no, I didn't maintain any close friendship. I basically lived a double life throughout high school, where I was either at the Eventyrteatret or I was shooting the advent calendar in Aalborg. So I was pretty much not there, my social life was in Copenhagen. I had a girlfriend there too. I just didn't feel the need for a social life in Skælskør. And the free time I had was pretty much all absorbed by my profession.

I think we can all relate.

Yes but usually Danish kids in high school when they have free time they wanna party, that's what happens when you're part of a group of friends in high school.

We have had some other guests in the studio who have had very different experiences. How is your situation friendship-wise in school at this point?

I had some friends in high school, in my class and in other classes, absolutely. But I spent almost all the time with the group of friends in Copenhagen, so I was not influenced by my high school mates and their choices that much. I've felt a lil bit different because I've had a double life. I mostly had different group of friends in relation to the activity I shared with them. The group of friends I acted with, the group I went to college with and then a small group I talk to from time to time mostly individually.

Do you have both female and male friends?

Yes, I do. I would say I have more male friends tho. It's a mixed bunch of ordinary people, both women and men.

Is the way you communicate with your female friends different from the way you communicate with your male friends?

Definitely. You have to be more of a listener, I'm pretty good at listening, I think you have to adapt and communicate in a different way based on who is in front of you. See, with men you talk a certain way, that sort of street style if you will. It comes natural because that's the way you talk to each other since the first day you met. But when you have in front of you people who are pretty cool and you have to impress them, you just have to do this and that, and that's what it's needed. But I would like to be able to be honest, always. And it's not hard at all, I’ve been really good at surrounding myself with some really, really pleasant people. I can afford to be myself at all times and they can be one hundred percent themselves with me.

What does it mean to be your authentic self for you?

It means that one can afford to have not only a good day but also a bad one. To be able to be stupid and not have to be slaughtered for it. I can be weird and crazy and say some stupid things without having to go half an hour afterwards and hit myself in the head. These are little things that are so insanely hard to find. I'm very lucky. I can pretty much talk about everything with them, we are very very honest with each other. In January, I was in Tenerife with three of my friends, and we brought along our stories in the luggage. I was suffering from anxiety and I had a sore stomach, it lasted four months, I was finally getting better. Another friend of mine, he's extreme. The love game hits him immensely. The other one suffers from depression. He generally has a hard time figuring out what he wants and what he doesn't existentially. And then we have number four, thank God, he doesn't have the same big problems. He holds us all together. It was a great experience, I remember us four sitting around the table and talking while eating pizza with shrimps. We sat for three or four hours talking non-stop about nothing but our problems that one could imagine they are extremely taboo for other groups.

Did sharing with each other give you something on an emotional level?

Oh yes, absolutely. We support each other by sharing and it's awesome to have people you trust so much to share such personal issues with. And so I think in 2019 in today's Denmark, that's what it means to be a man. To be able to comprehend people and understand. I see instead a lot of carelessness and stereotypes.

Didn't you encounter those qualities in other men, as an adult?

No, not at all. It's not about stereotypes. We have just as many problems as everyone else and we are extremely worried about it financially and emotionally. Anxiety. Social education, existential issues. It can be anything. All my friends, all the people I have in my life, they all have problems to a greater or lesser degree. Absolutely. But that's what it means to be human. And that's what it means to be a man. It means you are making mistakes, you are imperfect. You are a fool, and you must be allowed to be a fool, and you will also stand on your own. You're going to hurt other people because you're human. But you must also be forgiven, and you must also be able to forgive. You just need care and understanding.

Were you able to find the care and understanding you need?

Alex groans – Yes and no.

Do I have to change subject?

Alex laughs – No, it's ok. I am open to recieve care. It's just that I stress a lot about my mistakes, your head plays games with you and you just have to survive.

You can't control everything you can handle, what a funny paradox. You describe yourself as a person who likes to take up a lot of space and fill a lot. And then I also sense that when it comes to emotions, for example, to take a seat and ask for help, then it's a whole different thing.

Yes, that's true. I don't know, I'm fucking complicated and I don't know how to handle it at all. I believe in nature and creativity. I have always had a lot of willpower and then I had my mother showing me the right path, then you grow up and learn to control yourself. But I have a hard time talking about it. I told you, I don't know. Yes, I am a human being who goes through a lot and thinks such extremely deep thoughts, I put all that in my creativity, in my work. That helps me. Then I have moments when I'm completely wrapped in my own thoughts, but I think, generally, I'm a relaxed person. I do my very best just not to do all that thinking and that takes a lot of effort. I won't let those thoughts get under my skin because I know all too well that it's not good for me.

END PART TWO

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#podcast #translation #alex høgh andersen #interview

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everyhowlmarksthedead · 4 years

Text

PLAY SMART

Che “Taza” Romero x Reader

Word count: 3.1k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Author comments: Another crazy idea. I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine, credits to the author.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 @chibsytelford @dazzledamazon @mara-mpou @sammskellington @gemini0410 @1-800-imagines @briana-mishell24 @sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @arveeee ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Adjusting the green shirt to your chest, you go out of the clubhouse followed by Creeper drinking a coffee on a cardboard cup. You’re walking faster with your gaze on the front, directly to the car scrapping. It supposed that you should start in one hour, but if you arrive earlier, you can also leave earlier. You don’t want to see Taza after what happened last day, when his ex-wife came to the workshop because her car was having problems with the engine. She talked you as if you were a servant, or something like that, so you couldn't shut up and spoke to her in a sarcastic tone that she didn't like. Of course, she told Taza. At first, you didn’t care, until you saw how they said goodbye, with so much love and affection. Gilly told you that they have been married for almost fifteen years and that she was back to town indefinitely. It was like a shoot straight to your heart.

You aren’t nothing, but for the last months there has been a flirt environment installed between both, always pulling and loosening. But with his ex-wife in Santo Padre and by the way she had of touching him constantly, you know that what you wanted so bad it’s not going to happen. So you’re trying to not match with him. And that hurts. The only thing you can do it’s work and go home. No Mayans parties, no more nights at the clubhouse and no more rides back home on Taza’s bike. You can’t fight with a woman who knows him since ever and who was married with him for too many years. You didn’t know that something like that could happen, he didn’t talk you about her and it seems like it was a surprise for him too.

“Dammit, mama, you look like shet’”. Angel’s confused voice pushes you back to reality, making you shake your head for an instant.

“I didn’t sleep last night”. You shrug your shoulders and arms.

Messed bump, eye bags, no makeup and the shoelaces untied. You sigh after having a look of yourself, leaning down to tie them. The sun seems to disappear, raising your gaze surprised till you find your boss’ eyes, crossing his arms over his chest covered by leather. You swallow quietly, licking your inner lip before continuing with your task.

“Everything ok?” You ask playing fool, hiding your nervous voice for a while.

“I don’ know, everything ok?”

“Yea’, I just… start earlier ‘cause I need to go to Santa Madre”.

“Sure. Why you didn’t come to the ranch last night?”

“Last night? What hap— Oh! Oh!”

Taza raises both eyebrows, while you still playing the innocent one palming your forehead.

“Shit, I forgot the Mayan dinner...” Clicking your tongue, you snort heavy.

“Let me tell you something, (Y/N)”. Facing you with hardly two inches between both, he leans above your ear provoking you some chills. “Soy un perro muy viejo, para que un cachorro me intente engañar”. (I'm a very old dog, and a puppy can't lie to me”.

“I forgot it”. You insist. “I was tired and I fell asleep on the sofa”.

“Look at your face”. The man says without changing his position. “Not everything is what it seems”.

“Ok, boss. I get it”.

Taza doesn't say anything else, hitting his shoulder against yours to pass you away. Rubbing it you turn to the oldest rolling your eyes. Creeper and Angel are staring at you, trying to understand what is happening, but you don't wanna talk about it. Work and go home, that's all you want. The Reyes, putting an arm on your shoulders, shake his head disappointed 'cause he's starting to know what's going on having all the clues on the table.

Going upstairs to the office, you hug Chuckie as soon as you see him, asking for the hours signature quadrant. Your turn is already finished and completed and you also have the afternoon free, so you could rest the time you didn't last night thinking about the things that it's not going to happen, driving you crazy. Leaving the car scrapping' shirt in your hanger, you grab the helmet next to your bag, ready to leave.

And she's there again. You can see her from the top of the stairs, hugging your boss and kissing his cheek as you used to do it. You're going downstairs slow, concentrated on not looking like you're jealous. Yes, you two were nothing, but you feel some kind of things that you would like not to feel right now. Taking off your phone of the pocket, you dissemble when he catches you looking at them, walking towards your motorbike to put the helmet on.

“Wait a second”. You hear some meters away, while your sitting on your bike. “Eh, (Y/N)!”

You want to make that you didn't listen his call, but it would be too evident, so Taza waits for you to reversing and stop again.

“I'm sorry for the hit”.

“Yeah, it was rude”.

“Are you hurry?”

“Yeah, a little”.

“When will you back at home, ah?”

“I don't kn... Why it feels like I'm talking to my father?”

“Because you're so fuckin' annoyin'”.

“Great, thanks. Another bullshit, Taza?”

“You know what? Fuck off”.

“Yeah, pretty one”. Rolling your eyes, containing the tears in them, you turn the engine to run away from the front yard.

Bishop texted you about four pm to tell you that Yuma and Stockton charters were coming to Santo Padre by night, so they're having a party and he needs you along with EZ to attend the bar. That's precisely what you were avoiding to do, be at the clubhouse more time than necessary. But guessing that you should work just for two or three hours accompanied doesn't seems a big trouble to deal with. So you're in.

Driving you car, 'cause it's gonna be easy to come back home after the party, you reach the car scrapping parking there so your Camaro will be safe in case that anyone decided to start a friendly fight. They usually do, for no reason. Last time, your motorbike suffered the consequences, even if they took care of the fixed. Walking betwixt a lot of crap mountains, your steps go straight to the green main door with mayans symbols finding the crowded yard. Stockton are already there, mixed with the Santo Padre' ones. EZ whistles you, claiming for your attention with that charming smile he always have on his face. You greet the guys raising your chin for a second, whilst going close to the prospect.

“Take the Jose Cuervo in the warehouse, I'm on my way for beers”.

“Okay”. You nod then, turning to the right and guiding your legs to the huge metallic structure by a side of the clubhouse.

Grabbing the trolley at the entrance, you walk towards the end of the warehouse to leave it there, so you can place five boxes on it. Bishop calls to the door, even if it's opened asking you for come in without words. He walks in, closing it and resting his body against a shelving.

“You ok, kid?”

“Yea', just a bad night, prez”. You nod showing a soft and fleeting smile, presing the low rod of the trolley leaning to you and putting im by the two wheels.

“You didn' came to the dinner”.

“I'm sorry, I forgot it”.

“Did you?”

Leaving a sigh on air, you don't know what to say, pursing your lips as you place your gaze in nowhere.

“I saw you… kinda arguing with Taza this morning. Twice”.

“I—”.

“You know you can talk to me, rai'?” He sounds serious, crossing his arms.

“I just… made some illusions. The kind that fuck you down, when you realize that they're… just that. Illusions”.

“I know what you're talkin'bout. Play smart, kid. You're not stupid”.

Might be the best advice someone could give you, and you know you should. But sometimes, you can't simply do it. After leaving you there, you continue your walk to the clubhouse, going upstairs carefully with the tequila boxes. Opening the door with a push of your back, EZ notices you ready to help you. When everything is placed, the prospect offers you a shirt with the Mayans logo to change it for yours. Like somekind of uniform.

Once you're wearing it, you walk outside to receive the Yuma charter, hugging Canche as soon as he sees you.

“What's up, chamaca?”

“Not much, just another party working, not enjoying”.

“When you finish, make a place fo' me in your busy schedule. I need some help with my bike”. He says placing a hand on your shoulders, so you can follow him to his men to greet them too.

“Sure! I'll let you know when I'm done”.

A car coming calls your attention, turning under Canche's grip, to find the owner.

“What the hell…? Isn't that Taza's ex-wife?”

“Yep”.

“What she doin'ere?” The president asks you confused.

“Don' know. Ask her ex-husband”. You answer with a singing voice and both eyebrows raised.

“That bitch fucked him up”.

“Did she…?”

“Yea', I heard something 'bout a one-night-stand with a Vato. Oscar told us”.

“But they seems so close”.

“Taza is a good man, you know him”.

“Yea'...”

Pursing your lips at the man, you shrugs before start with your tasks of serve beers and tequila shot for everyone there, with EZ help. You can't help but thinking about that woman who came from nowhere with some kind of clear intentions, and now you're understanding was what Bishop trying to tell you. “Play smart”. So you will. Grabbing the coldest beers and putting them on a tray, you carry them to the first picnic table outside, where the main members of your charter are sitting. Leaving there, one for each one, you sit close to the Padrino who puts an arm around your waist.

“You look good in that shirt, kid”. He says proud, having a look from top to down. Since you started to work there, he has been the most gentle man on earth with you and it's something to be thankful for. “How's your week goin'? Didn' see you last night”.

“Tired week, need to rest, padrino”.

“You look like. Are they treating you good, or taking advantage that you're so helpful, ah?”

“To be that ‘helpful’ you have to show some respect first”. You hear that irritating feminine voice behind your back, before she appears in front of your eyes with a hand on Taza's left shoulder.

“Take off that Vato's dick of your mouth, before talking about my kid”. Padrino's voice is calm and peaceful, surprising you about it, and creating an uncomfortable silence on the table.

You're fucking done. Done in a good mood, 'cause well, no one piss off padrino's kid. Palming his back, you get up of your seat to grab the tray and go back to work, as soon as Oscar claims your attention to ask for some beers. At least, now you know what happened, even if you're trying to figure what's she doing here. Not for you, but for Taza. Because she doesn't deserve someone like him, not after what she did. Double disloyalty. And that's screwing you more than you thought.

Even if it's something that it's in your head all the time, you make sure that doesn't influence in your work, letting it for later. And when you're already finished with it, leaving EZ with the rest, you go straight to Canche. As soon as you're done with him too, you can be close to Taza to make it up to him because of your paranoia. And so you do, sharing the same table with a beer in your hand. You don't know why his ex-wife continue there, but you don't care. Not anymore. Sitting in front of him, again by padrino's side and Bishop at the other, you try to get in the conversation. Easy task 'cause they're talking about a travel coming soon, and they need your help to check the motorcycles before leaving.

“Okay, I can do it tomorrow evening. Just leave me the keys at the office”. You say then supporting both forearms on the table, nodding for a while. “So, gas, oil and pressure… Yeah, it's fast to do'et”.

“Can you check my bike's direction? I think it's a little bit turned to the left”. Taza says then, and you know that's only a excuse to talk with you. Like, right now.

“Is it?” You hesitate, raising an eyebrow before having a sip of your drink, getting up of your bench.

“Yea', and the brake is a little hard. I think EZ squeezed too much”. He's getting up too, letting go the uncomfortable grip of his ex-wife.

“Okay, let's see”.

He walks next to you, offering you the keys so you can turn on his bike. Pressing softly the gas, to do the same with the brake. It's not. But seems like he wants to leave the yard, at least, for some minutes.

“I have the tools in my car”. You say then, turning of the engine to push the handlebar so you can make it moves.

Going down the alley, with the Vicepresidente behind your back smoking a cigar, you reach the Camaro. You don't have any tools on it, but you really want to hear what he wants to tell you. So you simply leave the motorbike parked, next to your car, and resting your body sitting on it giving him the keys.

“She asked me to stay at the ranch”. He says then, keeping them inside one of his pockets. Sounds like you should reply something, but you'll not. It's his house, not yours. “I don' know what she doin'ere. But I don' even care”.

“Good for you, Taza”. You shrug with pursed lips.

“Let's be clear, kid. We're nothing”.

“Okay, I'm done with this bullshit”. You laugh loud getting up from his bike, and shaking your hands, trying to hide the bitterness and looking for the control remote of your car.

“Listen, listen”. Catching you by your left wrist, he stops your moves.

“It's fuckin' okay, Taza. You don' have to give me any explanation. I'm not your... fuckin' wife, nor your fuckin' girl. I get it. But let me tell you something. It's fucking grievous seeing a woman how fucked you up with a fuckin' Vato, trying to get back what she lost. And you, let her doin'et. You deserve good things, and you should love and respect yourself a little more”.

“Well, than'ya' for your kindly words. But I'm not letting her doin' nothen'. And I also talk her 'bout you”.

“Seems like she doesn' give a f— You did what?” Narrowing your eyes and letting you go, you cross your arms on the chest.

“We're nothing, but I would like to be something”. He clarifies you. “I asked her to leave and just came to pay what we fixed in her car. She stayed for a beer”.

“Yes, close of his ex-husband”.

“Focus on the fact I wan'to be with you, and not with her. Think about'e”.

Taza leaves you there, alone, carrying his bike when seems like you don't know what to reply at this words. Sitting on the hood of your car and lighting a cigar between your lips, you have a long smoke that rips your throat and also your tongue. You're somewhat jealous, you can't help but trying to see the point of playing smart to mark somekind of territory without looking like he's a piece of meat. But with that kind of women, it's all you can do.

Putting well your shirt on, after throwing away the cigar, you walk towards the front yard with hands in your pockets. Some ideas are dancing in your head, trying to choose the best way to deal with it. But when you see her, sitting again by his side, and trying to hug him… Good lord, you can't help but losing your modals and your gentle mood.

“Che, take me home”. You just say, stopping in front of the crew.

“Haven't you a car, ah?” She asks raising her chin somewhat proudly, grabbing the Vice's arm between hers.

“Haven't you a Vato's dick to suck, instead of annoying everyone around you?”

God, those words come from the depths of your soul. Making the guys chuckle as she gets up full of rage.

“Watch your mouth, niña. You don' know who I am”. Pointing your chest with a finger once and again.

“Yea', looks like I don' give a shit that I don' even know your name”. You face her, not afraid. “Southern border is close, come back to your hole, whore. You don' have anything to do here”.

“Did you ju—”.

“Shit, yes, I did”. You roll your eyes, being fast enough to avoid the slap straight to your face.

El padrino takes you back, as Bishop and Angel go to her before she can try it again.

“You heard her, go back to southern border”. Taza says placing himself between both, turning then to hold your forearm and leave the front yard.

You don't say anything into your way to his motorbike, putting on the helmet as he turns it on. Grabbing his waist with your hands, he runs out of the clubhouse. You know he's mad. You can feel the tension on his body, driving the road he knows by heart to your house, taking his time as he looks like he's thoughtful.

When he stations the bike in front of your house, so you can jump off of it, you keep his gaze.

“'You gonna leave?” You ask him a little bit nervous, taking off the helmet to supporting it against your abdomen.

“'Don' know. What you want?”

Hesitating for a second, you take a step closer placing a hand on his nape, to press your lips on his. It's the first time you two kiss, after some weeks wanting it. He pulls you away, thinking that you screwed it up, until you see him getting up to leave behind his back the motorbike. Cupping your cheeks on his huge hands, Taza kisses you again. Tangling your fingers in the flannel shirt to push him closer, your lips move alone on his. It's better than you could imagine, tasting the tequila in his saliva and beer in yours. A perfect mix.

“So, are you gonna stay?” You almost beg between short and dearly kisses, finding yourself walking to your house, giving your back at it.

“Fuck, yes, baby”. He nods lifting you up, so you can surround his body with your legs.

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #che taza romero x reader #taza romero x reader #taza romero #taza romero imagine

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reachfolk · 3 years

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So, I only just started to follow you but I couldn't resist when I saw your main girl. I just love her. So, I'm curious as to how she would be with my Skyrim Gal.

Azirina Kharabbi is a Suthay-raht Khajiit (basically a baby) who is 21 years old and also has the nickname "Moon-Chaser", along with a few other names she chooses to ignore. She came to Skyrim at the age of twelve, having escaped the destruction of her village, ran across the deserts of Elsweyr (chasing the moons) and boarding a ship, giving her alot of trauma. She travelled across Skyrim with one of the many Khajiit caravans until the discovery that she was the last Dragonborn.

She's a sassy little fireball, who is nicknamed "Sabre Kitten" by Farkas (who I paired her with). This is due to the fact she looks as adorable and as timid as a kitten, but will not hesitate to rip your kneecaps out should you insult her or a loved one. That being said, she was easily startled to begin with when she joined the companions, and suffered horrendously with an addiction whilst aiding them. She also keeps a key point of her past secret, trying to hide it from everyone, with the only way to find out about it being seeing a mark on her shoulder.

ask game: send me an ask telling me about one of your oc's and i'll tell you how i think they'd get along with my own oc's (OPEN)

aaa thank you so much, you're so sweet !! i love your oc too omg, the nicknames moon chaser and saber kitten are perfect. i do think alexi would like her but again, alexi is just full of love so that's not surprising lol. i'm gonna actually put this under a read more because god, i just have SO much to say !! i hope you don't mind 😅

alexi travelled all across skyrim as well, both when she was living with her family and after she left home. while a lot of nords, especially nobles, think pretty negatively of khajiit, alexi grew up in a more liberal household where such nonsense wasn't tolerated at all. she and her siblings definitely kept tabs on whether any caravans were visiting town and made a point to check them out every time. anyway, this is a long winded way of saying all three of my silver-blood kiddos almost definitely ran into azirina plenty of times, including when they were young!

azirina is six years younger than alexi, which is around the same age as robin and marceline (alex's siblings). i really like the idea that azirina's caravan visited markarth when she was around thirteen and alexi was nineteen. the three siblings probably took one look at azirina and collectively were like, "new friend? new friend!!" and swept her up into their group immediately. partly because she's just a cutie, but also they've never met a kid at the caravans! of course they're interested in getting to know her!

there's this weird unspoken rule in skyrim about khajiit caravaners entering cities, but given the silver-bloods' status, i think the guards would turn a blind eye to most of what they do. so, if azirina accepts, the siblings would definitely want her to come inside the walls and hang out with them while she's in town. they usually get up to some pretty ridiculous shit (messing with town guards, stupid dares about stealing from the jarl, the kind of stuff only rich kids can get away with if they get caught, y'know?), but i think alexi would be smart enough to know not to get this kid into that kinda trouble, so they tone it down when they're hanging out with azirina. they'd buy her a nice meal and show her the pretty spots around town and play games with her (tag and hide-and-seek are classics, but they also would try to rope her into a game of potion roulette at some point, as a bunch of rowdy ass kids with too much access to their auntie's alchemy supplies are wont to do 💀)

of course, how open azirina is with them is up to you, but the kids would try to make her feel as comfortable and welcome as possible. i feel like after everything the poor girl went through, it would be good for her to have some kids her age around her, especially in a place like skyrim which can be really harsh to khajiit.

edit: OK my 🤡 ass accidentally posted this before i got all my thoughts out so i hope it's ok if i keep going!!

so even if azirina doesn't really open up to the gang early on, they'd be understanding and patient. they might prod a little into her story early on, but if it ever gets uncomfortable for her, they'd back off. i think what would make the atmosphere comfortable is the fact that they always leave room for her to join in and feel heard but they don't pressure her to, y'know?

i don't doubt they'd run into each other for a few days every couple of months, whenever their travels happen to bring them together. usually at markarth, but often times in other cities like solitude, riften, or whiterun which the silver-blood kiddos often visit.

after a few years of this, alexandria leaves home. she's around 22 at the time, and her siblings are 17. assuming azirina kept in contact with them, i'm really curious how you think she'd handle seeing the tensions that would've caused in her friends' lives. i could write a whole ass thesis on this family and how complicated their lives are, especially after alexi leaves, so i won't bore you with the details. but i am curious to hear your thoughts more abt this !!

like how do you think azirina feels about the silver-blood siblings befriending her? does she play along or does it take time for her to open up, if she ever does? would she envy how (seemingly) perfect their family is after she lost hers in such a tragic way? how does her attitude change as she learns more about how they aren't really such a put together family?

i have so many questions!! i'm sorry i went on for so long but i really like azirina and i'd love to know more about her. i feel like there's so much room for really interesting relationships between her and all three siblings. and this is just scratching the surface!! this isn't even getting into her addiction, or what that secret she's keeping is, or whether she and alexi would go off on any adventures together when they're older. there's so much!!

#i have more to add but my clown ass pressed post too early LMAO we can talk more abt it if you want !!!#itd be interesting to see how azirina reacts to alexi suddenly leaving home and accidentally getting tangled up in their family drama #tes #tesblr #other's ocs #cozy answers #oc: alexandria silver blood #oc: marceline silver blood #oc: robin silver blood

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lady-plantagenet · 3 years

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Unsolicited Book Reviews (n5): Wife to theKingmaker

Rating:

⭐️⭐️⭐️

Even before I had an account I had a tendency to go to tumblr to see people’s opinions before buying a histfic novel. Certain books are either severely underrepresented where I feel like there needs to be something on them, whereas others that are talked about enough - something more can still be said. So for my quarantine fun, I had decided to start a series where I review every medieval historical fiction novel I read. Hopefully, it will either start interesting discussions or at least be some help for those browsing its tag when considering purchasing it.

TL;DR: Ok swear to god this book was written by two different people. The ending was actually heart-wrenching, but so much had annoyed me throughout that I swore to myself to never again touch this genre for my own health. Twas an odd tale, and tbh the fact that it was odd probably elevated it from the 2 stars (or hell maybe even 1 if it was going to get any more richardian) to 3. Honestly, quite glad I read it in the end. Not the most historically informative, but some of the character arcs were actually quite neat (however extremely farfetched). Spoiler Warning: I’m going to divulge a lot on here because I know no one who follows me is going to read this book.

Plot: Ok, the plot... It was only after I placed my order that I realised this is the Sandra Heath Wilson of ‘Cicely’s King’ fame. I cringed and didn’t know what to do. For all you innocents out there... her Cicely series is a saga wherein Cecily of York pretty much bangs everyone who is male and from the house of york (minus her father and uncle George) and Even Henry VII(!!). She then has this kid by Richard III, calls him Leo and the rest is history(this is what I gleaned from goodreads). Nevertheless it had already shipped and honestly I had it coming; the synopsis does say she has an affair with her brother-in-law John Marquis of Montagu. Whatever, I couldn’t resist buying the only novel about Anne Beauchamp, and since it was published in the 70s/80s I knew it would at least be flamboyant and go all out. It delivered enough for it to have been worth reading.

So the novel follows Anne Beauchamp!(Nan) from when she is a 13 year old girl to 1478 when she finally leaves Beaulieu to go live at Middleham with her (as you guessed it- favourite) daughter Anne and her oh so belovéd son-in-law Richard Duke of Gloucester - You see? Since now finally the Great Other (Mr George) is finally vanquished England has its peace. Of course this is not true, Nan historically left the abbey in 1473 for Middleham and while I wanted a possible explanation from the author (who I would assume is better researched than I) for whether she went to Middleham out of her own volition or simply because the King trusted Gloucester better than Clarence... alas I got none. It was all pinned on the fact that the evil George (who as per usual alternates between omnipotent mastermind to absolute drunken himbo at the turn of a page) would not have her free for as long as she lived (for whatever reason). I really think the real historical explanation was because Edward trusted Gloucester - because after all Warwick Castle was Nan’s patrimony not Middleham. I doubt Nan had a choice in the matter but, the point is, Isabel was alive in 1473 and since there’s zero historical record or suggestion that Nan and Anne had ever seen her again, it would have been nice to have had a depiction of the conflicted feelings or a final meeting written for the three women. I’ll let it slide I guess, after all, one needs to cut some slack when it comes to books written pre-internet age by non-historians. And unlike Sunne in Splendour, this book does not purport to be completely accurate or a representation of the truth.

Christ some sub-plots were truly unexpected. One that made me groan at first was the whole arc between Nan and her niece Eleanor Butler. In this book she’s her ward (not historically true) and little Eleanor is all sweet and innocent and virtuous and, hell, at one point we get more Nan-Eleanor interaction than even between Nan - her own daughters (particularly Isabel who would have been the right age and a better substitute for Eleanor in their dialogue, but alas, who cares about Isabel right?). Eleanor even is the one to accidentally discover that Margaret of Anjou slept with Edmund Beaufort, siring Edward of Lancaster.

Ok. You’re probably thinking, god how trite eugh the Richardians are at it again, right? Yeah ok the Richardians are at it again, but it turns into something really neat at the end. Essentially, as I said, Nan has an affair with John Neville Marquis of Montagu (long story that I will expand on in characterisation) and she and him come upon Edward and Eleanor (overhearing them nothing more). So Edward and Nan then have this mutually assured destruction between them, because Edward divulges that he saw Nan and John years later when Nan confronts him (by this time he is married to Elizabeth Woodville) that she knows about the pre-contract with the intention of telling him off. He tells her that if she dares tell Warwick about the pre-contract he will tell Warwick about John, so she then agrees (also because she promised her niece that she would keep it quiet for the safety of her son by Edward). Years later when they meet again, Edward realised how much is at stake for Nan (especially since it turned out she loved Warwick all along and Edward figured that out), and so, during the period of John’s back-and-forth loyalties (we know he was disgruntled by the loss of the Northumberland Earldom)... Edward returns and tells Nan that if Montagu abandons him he will out her to Richard and cause a massive division between the brothers (militaristically speaking as well) and he knows he can do that because he figures out Nan will not out him because she blubbs about her promise to her niece. This madness then becomes bittersweet when (as history would have it) Montagu does end up fighting for Warwick, nevertheless, Nan is releaved during the whole time because there’s nothing in Warwick’s letters that give any indication that Edward ended up exposing her. Warwick dies in the battlefield, Nan is deeply aggrieved but happy he never found out at least. But then... years later when Edward comes to Beaulieu (1478 as this story would have it) to inform Nan that she may depart for Middleham, he tells her that he in fact did expose her to Warwick... but that Warwick didn’t believe him and laughed in his face because he thought there was no way she could be unfaithful because he knew she loved him. This sounds silly but it got to me a bit when I read it. Of course, we also have Edward saying he regretted his handling of the pre-contract affair because apparently Elizabeth Woodville had since lost interest in him and he’s hurt by how she shows no reaction to him having mistresses and he’s kinda given up, whereas Eleanor would have been more of a lapdog. This was essentially the centrepiece of the plot.

Look, I don’t really read these types of novels as a habit so I don’t know if bizarre plot lines like this are commonplace. Not going to lie though, it threw me and it was pleasantly enjoyable. This is basically what is to be said about the plot... the rest goes into characterisation. Nevertheless, this novel too often fell into the exposition trap (like telling us what is happening politically instead of showing us). While I appreciated the refresher of what happened 1445-1461 and I understand that the target audience of this book aren’t Wars of the Roses experts, I’ve seen it done more smoothly in many other more literary novels (eg Hawley Jarman’s or Lytton-Bulwer’s Last of the Barons). I’ve often said Sunne in Splendour was terribly dry and exposition-heavy, but at least it had historical detail so I could sometimes switch off and treat it as a non-fiction account for battles and character locations. But with this one I a) don’t have faith that the author paid attention to detail; see what I said earlier about the years 1473-1478, so I won’t take this as information and b) know that if she had done this with the years I know more about: 1461-1478, I would have gotten annoyed because of my familiarity with those decades.

Characterisation: Well we have lovelorn saintly Dickon here - always a pet peeve of mine. Look, I don’t have strong opinions about the man but it just innures me how whenever Richardianism rears it’s ugly head the plot suffers massively and it’s always favourite figures of mine that suffer the most. George Duke of Clarence... oh god, what can I say? Wife-beater, alcoholic, is disgusted by his wife when she is ill (you know, unlike the historical Clarence who had resided in the Abbot’s home near the infirmiary for the last months of his wife’s lying-in and after to be close to her and thereafter stuck with her until she passed away and two months after that as well), is stupid yet somehow still devious, is the indirect cause of her death... the list goes on. Welp, at least this Clarence unlike the Sunne in Splendour one has an elegant bearing, sense of fashion and is a great dancer. The Sunne one had NOTHING. It’s also odd that they make his attitude towards Isabel undergo a complete 180 as soon as he realises this marriage will no longer make him king. This makes no sense as the book has them want to marry for love, like YEARS before 1469, so this sudden attitude change makes no sense. Authors really need to be reminded that crown or no crown that marriage would still have made him the greatest magnate in England. There was also a ridiculous handling on the circumstance of his death, and this was the most factually wrong part of the book. Between Ankarette being aged down by 4 decades and the whole shmaz with Stillington, I don’t know where to begin. I bet most of you can guess how it was handled. Isabel is as per usual constantly depressed and without a personality because, well, we can’t have her compared to our shining heroine Anne Neville. 3x more beautiful, 5x more vivacious and 20x more significant than her doormat of a sister who complains all day- that is when she isn’t crying. Gahhh. Of course Anne Neville also cries but it’s for her beloved Dickon who she pines for constantly. Look, I have no qualms with romanticising this pairing, but authors need to keep in mind that Anne was like 13 at most when she became estranged from Gloucester. You. Need. To. Stop. Writing. Her. Like. A. Woman. . I don’t care what anyone says, no matter the time period, you can’t make me visualise a 13 year old that could feel romantic love of that deep a devotion and maturity and not send me laughing across the floor. But want to write a strong childish infatuation coming from a place of deep friendship? Fine by me.

Ok, onto more positive characterisation points: I liked Nan, quite a lot actually (I mean blatant daughter favouritism aside). A lot of authors attempt to write the proud noblewoman and great lady character but few pull it off. This is always how I have seen the real Anne Beauchamp and I’m glad to see it here. For a novel so insensitive towards certain figures, the author wrote Nan with great empathy. She was very intelligent but not in that artificial girlboss way, she loved her daughter(s) but in that medieval mother type of way (so no baby brain here), she may have not gotten along splendidly with all the women around her but there was none of that demeaning cattiness. About that, I want to say I was shocked by what a turn her relationship with Margaret of Anjou took. Since the whole Somerset-bastard child plotline was a thing... Nan was initially revolted and lost all her respect for Lancaster, but when the two women find themselves joined by fate they gain this strange mutual respect for one another. They butt heads a bit initially but Margaret of Anjou rises above it for her son’s sake and eventually strikes up an agreement with Nan on when they are to set sail. Margaret first won’t listen to Nan because she thinks she’s a fool but when she eventually slips by to tell Nan that she had thought about her plan and that maybe she’s right, she doesn’t apologise and Nan doesn’t need her to and it’s this weird telepathic understanding from then on and I certainly did not expect to see something like this in this novel. After the landing in England and news of Warwick’s death reaches the party, Margaret doesn’t gloat but diplomatically relays the news and when Nan says she wants to take sanctuary because she lost all heart and can’t fight on, Edward of Lancaster gently says something like: well if you come with us, you’ll at least get your revenge and that’s at least something (paraphrase). You could just tell this was Edward’s way of offering condolences, the type of way a child like him raised through war and promises of vengeance only could, and it was oddly powerful. Shame it couldn’t have happened as Nan and Margaret and Isabel all travelled at seperate times. The whole theme around Nan was that she wasn’t very partisan but only followed her husband as a magnate and then as a man, which I believe and it was great to see Team Lancaster understood Warwick was a seperate entity from York, and for all intents and purposes they were all in this together. Cool-headedness is much needed in this genre I realise, god how low flies the bar ~

Now onto the characterisation most people are wondering about. What of Warwick? He was the saving grace of the novel. He has the common touch yet he is sophisticated, he is idealistic yet he is shrewd, he is impassioned yet collected, he is dramatic yet subtle, he is ... I can go on and on. What is all the affair plot point about then? It doesn’t diminish the bond between the two main characters; to tell you quite truthfully the relationship the author wrote was bizarre yet still really touching. They used to hate eachother because Nan thought herself above him (after all the Warwick earldom was far more valuable than the Salisbury one- remember it was briefly a dukedom at one point), but then she sees what he made of himself and becomes proud of him and falls in love with him. However, he starts to get carried away with his ambitions, gets all-consumed by the legend of Warwick that he had cultivated and essentially becomes impersonal without wanting to (and realising). Nan feels she has lost him to the people of England (which are apparently all hypnotised by his presence, which ok is a fact grounded in history) and because of her wounded pride she starts seeking comfort in his brother (although, it makes little sense how this would work as I would gather he would also be away, especially at the Scottish boarders). When he refuses to support Warwick over Edward later on, she loses all feelings for Montagu and thinks him a coward, and when Warwick apologises for being amiss she realises that this whole time it was him she loved all along and is racked with guilt. I found this exploration of what it is like being wed to a man of such public standing quite interesting, the idea of losing him not to another woman or such but to his cause (which in this book is a mixture of belief in the french alliance, the common weal and subconsciously his own wounded pride brought on by an extreme adherence to inflexible chivalric values on his part and Edward IV’s actions), I confess, is not something I saw portrayed in this particular manner anywhere else. I mean it’s not like I’ve been searching for this particular motif, but this was a refreshing depiction of a medieval couple and it was a poignantly written relationship which the author had me invested in. The relationship was heartfelt because it was very distinct, Nan and Warwick weren’t just some stand-ins for a cash-grab but some consideration was paid to the real historical figures. The John plotline, sure I would in principle protest against something like this but it seems to have had two plot purposes: To illustrate the strain caused by the aforementioned issue and to kick off the whole Edward-Eleanor Butler-Montagu-Nan arc, which bizarre and unbelievable as it was, kept me on my toes. I’ll let it slide. Also, Edward IV was portrayed as quite a chilling villain in this, beholden of this weird mix of indifference, charm and wickedness.

Prose: This is what made me briefly wonder if this book was written by two different people. It failed to engage me in the first half, the descriptions were trite (except for the natural scenery bits), there was very little variety in sentence structures which gave it the stilted heaviness that thus afflicted The Sunne in Splendour (and most modern literature). There was a lot of redundancies eg the type of stuff like ‘whispered quietly’ or ‘yelled loudly’ and the author’s misunderstanding of certain period fashions drew me out eg references to bodices (not a thing then), calling the henin veil a silk scarf etc. She didn’t pull a Penman: exposit emotions to us, making me feel like I walked into a therapy session, but it was often heavy-handed. It first felt very much like an uninspired debut novel. A bit try-hard and I was wondering if this was the way of the bodice ripper... I wouldn’t know, I never read one before (though I’m unsure if this qualifies as it’s really not graphic and the focus is really not on sex nor is there much of it).

However, out of nowhere, the prose suddenly changed a little before half of the way in; colours, emotions, thoughts and the like started to blend masterfully. The sentence structures started varying to convey the way Nan was feeling. It became very show don’t tell, and it drew me in emotionally a bit (I must confess). Of course, that’s also around the point the plot had sort of started redeeming itself. Nan’s grief at her husband’s passing was particularly well conveyed - how she became a husk of her former self... I could read fifty pages of that. Her realisation that it had been him all along was also well written, and you could feel all the urgency and regret she felt at all the time she had wasted disregarding him as the plot grew nearer to Barnet. The mutual longing was also subtle yet strong, and it really was down to the effective use of sentence structure and waylaying of inspired thematic details. The mingling of past memories with present day in her later years was also very well done and with flow, and the adjectives etc used were no longer becoming distracting as before. My favourite part by far was the very last scene when she rides ahead of her escort to Middleham and she imagines a horse riding beside her caparisoned with the Neville standard; you can really feel how this is the first time that she had felt joy in years and she lets the ghost follow her.

... In Conclusion, this novel gave me very mixed feelings. I don’t know if I would have enjoyed it as much as I did had it not been for the fact that I entered it with a massive pre-formed love for the figures. It’s a bit like my experience with ‘Death Be Pardoner to Me’ (review #2 on this tag), was the book actually good or do I just have an affinity for the protagonist (Clarence in that case)? As such, I don’t think I would reccomend it. Indeed I wrote this spoilerish review because I was sure no one would fly off to Amazon after seeing this post. I can’t say if it’s above commercial historical romance in standard as this is the first time I’ve ever read a book from this genre. I think I’ll take a loongg break from historical fiction (after I finish with Jarman) because the Clarence portrayal was a bit of a nail in the coffin for me and I don’t want to continue upsetting myself for no reason. As I have now truly lost hope in reading a balanced depiction of him and if the literature isn’t absolutely expemplary why bother? Nevertheless, Warwick’s portrayal was a saving grace and made it impossible for me to give it two stars - it wasn’t perfect but still the best I’ve read (minus Last of the Barons Ofc). This is also a bit sad when you think about it, Warwick is also due some fictional justice. Even scholarly if you ask me.

The experience was educational as I learned a valuable lesson in what to avoid and include in my writing, what pitfalls/clichés not to fall into etc. I think I can draw another valuable lesson from this: Dear Histfic authors, if you happen to not be historians, heavily-researched in this time period, objective or literarily talented etc don’t take yourself seriously by publishing some tome of a work but just go nuts like this novel. At least this way you’re not sharing misinformation, inducing people into error and your work still gets to be engaging as opposed to a repetition of the previous amateur historical novelist. Yeah. For all the Sunne in Splendour’s superior quality, I must say I prefer this one better.

Tagging @pythionice who I have recently discovered has also read this book! Welcome fellow fan of Warwick <3

#lady-plantagenet’s book reviews #I’m actually embarasses by how long this is #I got into quite the rambling mood oh gosh #I confuse myself #I hope I have amused some of you with this retelling at least it is outrageous lmao #wife to the kingmaker #sandra wilson #george of clarence #isabel neville #anne beauchamp #richard neville earl of warwick #warwick the kingmaker #richard neville #george plantagenet #anne neville #I’ll add read more function tommorow I’m too tired now #sandra heath wilson

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yamithediaperdork · 3 years

Text

Baby Universe (Steven Universe)

Peedee wasn't sure what made him go over to Steven's house. It wasn't like he normally went up there, when Steven wanted to hang out he came into town. Still with the restaurant closed while they were fixing the freezer he had nothing better to do. and as it would turn out, the walk would be MORE then worth it.

Steven was enjoying a rare bit of time alone for a change, and was taking advantage of it. It wasn't that he didn't like the gem,s they were like three mom's to him, but just sometimes he needed time alone. double so since his little fetish had kicked itself into overdrive as puberty was hitting him and while the Gem's didn't seem to care, Steven still had a hard time bringing himself to wear his shameful fetish gear while they were home. Said fetish gear wasn't as bad as it could of been, it wasn't like he was wearing 30 pounds of leather or dressing up like a fox to go and yiff, Nope, all Steven wanted to do was wear thick crinkly diapers, and usually up to half a pack at a time so he could barely waddle. This of course HAD led to him being busted by the gem's in the past, but once they were convinced he was ok and didn't NEED the diapers, they left it alone and passed it off as one of those 'human things.' Today with the place to himself Steven already had 4 tena's on and was wiggling his butt in the mirror and trying to decide if he should keep it safe and just add anther 2 or go for broke and add 6 more. it would be all of his remaining diapies and he wouldn't be able to get more for awhile which was the only reason he was hesitating. Still, Nothing ventured, nothing gained and he decided to go with as thick as possible and went to work. He was JUST getting the last diaper on, sitting on the floor and touage hanging out in effort when there was a knock on the front door and without thinking about it, Steven called out. "It's open!" and then slapped his hands on his mouth, having JUST got the last tape on.

Peedee smiled and walked in, he had assumed as much but had been taught manners so naturally had knocked. "Hey Steven, i was wondering if you wanted to..hang..out..Why's it smell like half a bottle of baby powder in here?" the slimmer boys asked, heading for the stairs and sniffing. "N-No reason! you should just go home! I'm sick!" Steven's panicked voice range out and then as Peedee got to the top of the stairs he was treated to the side of Steven's pamper clad butt sticking out, the top half of Steven was trying to hide under his bed. Without even pausing to think about it Peedee took out his cellphone and started to snap pictures. "Nice pampers Steven~ Did your mommies diapie you up nice and safe and sound before going out for more?" Peedee asked in a mocking tone. "J-Just get out of here or I-I'll-" Steven stammered, trying to think of a threat. "You'll what? make a stinky boom boom? doesn't look like baby Steven has any more diapies though so you'll hafa sit in your boom boom till they get back." Peedee laughed. the taunt had the desired result of Steven coming out from under the bed and glaring at Peedee, but all that did was let the slimmer boy get a snap shot of Steven's face to go with his butt and then clicked on his phone. "Andddd saved to my cloud. So if you get any ideas about trying to snatch my phone away tubby, it's doomed to fail." Peedee said, chuckling. Here he was, in shorts and a muscle shirt, slender and lanky but at least looking his age while Steven was a tubby little butter ball who was older then him but between his baby face and well.. BABY PANTS he looked so much younger. "ngggh..what do you want." Steven huffed, hands balled up into fists but staying his ground. "I wanna go and have LOTS of fun with the big baby, In town. if your a good boy, I won't tell anyone about your diapies. if your bad, I'll pants you in the middle of the amusement park. but if your a super good boy, I'll get you a new pack of diapies." Peedee said. Steven huffed and whined, but it wasn't really like he had a choice in the matter and after sulking, nodded.

the tricky part for heading out and keeping baby Steven in his bulky diapers was finding something to go over them, which between the boys chub and the massive thickness of the diapers was proving to be next to impossible. "well geez, if we can't cover them I'll just have to stay home. shucks, that sucks sooo much." Steven said, shrugging his shoulder and smirking while Peedee dug though a box of old clothes. "Don't count me out yet, I'll find so- AHA!" Peedee said, and held up a old hula skirt of Greg's (what it was doing there was anyone's guess) "This should cover your thick crinkly butt, at least as long as you don't bend over or there isn't too much of a breeze." Peedee said and smirked. "...ah poop." Steven whined.

the skirt actually did a fairly decent job of hiding the diapers for the most part, if anything was giving Steven away as they made their way into town the was the waddling and the crinkling Steven was doing plus his face being beat red. Thankfully most people just assumed it was from wearing the hula skirt and chuckled and told Steven and Peedee how cute they looked as they headed for fun land. "I swear to god, everyone know!" Steven mewed holding onto Peedee's arm for comfort even though the slimmer boy was the cause of all of his suffering. "now now, enough of that! Unless you want me to go and take you dress shopping thats the best your gonna get." Peedee said, though a evil look came over his face as he said it. "Uhh nope! I'm good! Let's go get some cotton candy!" Steven mewed. "Oh like you need MORE candy tubby~" Peedee teased and poked a finger into Steven's flab. "Come on, we'll go play a few games then go and get the baby a dress..and of course lots of new diapies." Peedee said, not bothering to keep his voice down but with the noise from the crowd no one heard him. that didn't stop Steven though from wetting himself a little as he looked around, almost crying. "Don't say stuff like that out loud!" he whined, sounding like a pouty toddler. "Sheesh your grumpy..Did I snag you before your afternoon nap or something? or does somebody need a diapie change?" Peedee asked and then even as Steven tried to say no, and with people around Peedee lifted up the back of the skirt and looked quick. it was quick enough anyone watching wouldn't be quite sure of what they saw and no one was close to being able to get a picture but it had Steven in mute silence, jaw hanging open. "Hmm, just a little soggy your good." Peedee said and then noticed Steven was frozen in humiliation. "Awww is the widdle baby scared somebody saw his diapies?" Ok, the plan HAD been to drag this out, but the look on Steven's face was waking something twisted up in side of Peedee and with a crowd around and some people looking worried about Steven frozen state, Peedee smiled. "I know a solution to get rid of all that doubt!" he said cheerfully. he grabbed either side of the hula skirt and far too late Steven realized what was about to happen and hand hands moved to grab Peedee's but were FAR too late. with a yank downwards the chubby babies thick massive diapers were on full display for the crowd to see and a silence went over the park, before a eruption of laughter broke out. "oh my god, Stevens a big baby!" cried Lar's holding his belly and laughing while Sadie covered her mouth and elbowed Lar's to be polite. "Man, I knew he had baby fat, didn't think he was a baby.." Snickered sour cream. "what are you talking about, that's not baby fat, he's just a little oinker!" Jenny giggled, taking out her phone for pictures. "Man, This explains so much about how naive he is." Buck commented. "S0Steven what are you.." Came Connie's voice, and shaking and tears welling up in his eyes he turned to see her with her parents, hands on her mouth and her father trying not to laugh, while her mother was shaking her head. "I think it goes without saying you won't be hanging out with him anymore, Unless it's a babysitting job." Connie's mom said and then with a bitchy sneer added. "And Steven, I can hook you up with a dietitian if you want." it was all too much for the little piggy and Steven plopped on his butt and started to bawl, kicking his legs and rubbing his eyes just like the big baby he was dressed like. any hope that this was the worse that could happen today was soon dashed however as Peedee intended to keep the rest of his promises to the big baby, which included a new outfit and LOTS of diapers.

Any and all fight was out of Steven as he held onto Peedee's hand, walking on the board walk toward the new little miss plus that had opened up in town. it had all the same styles of outfits most other girls wore but was meant for the chunky girls, or sissies in Stevens case. It was picked because well, where else was Peedee gonna get a dress that was going to fit his little butter ball and because it was the furthest away from the only shop in town that sold diapers in any size, so Steven would be showing off his new outfit when they went to get him his diapies. walking in the young girl minding the counter burst into the later and then excused herself, her name tag said her name was sally and she was tall, about 20-25ish and had her long blond hair in a pony tail. "H-Hi, I'm Sally, H-How can i help you?" she said, the back of her hand up to her mouth and trying not to laugh as Steven's blush traveled from his chubby cheeks down his neck, he was heading for full body blush territory. "Hi, I'm Peedee and this is sissy piggy Steven. Oink for the nice lady Steven." Peedee said and swatted Steven's padded behind, making him jump and let out a loud oink. "I was wondering if you had any cute short dresses that would help hide my little piggy princess fat rolls while also letting him feel all sweet and dainty. and before you answer, this is what your working with." at that Peedee grabbed Stevens shirt and yanked up up and over his head, leaving the poor half gem in just his Bulky diapers and shoes. "pffft..I dunno.. Maybe. I-I might have to set up a video conference with my fri- other consultants so we can figure out what'll look best on the piggy, is that ok?" Sally asked Peedee, since it was clear who was in charge. Steven mewed and looked at Peedee, willing him to say no, it was clear it was just gonna be a lot of women looking at him and laughing! "oh yeah, that makes sense. go for it." Peedee chuckled and then laughed as Steven started to whimper and suck his thumb.

Half a hour later and the full body blush was going on big time, all of the women on the call where on speaker and he could heard all of their cutting comment and mocking questions. for the most part he didn't answer them though, Peedee insisted he speak for Steven who was currently sucking on a large pink costume pacifier that Sally had found in the back that had been sent there by mistake instead of a costume shop. The nipple was too big really for his mouth and so Steven had a constant line of drool going down his chin but there had been a bib too to go with the paci and it'd been tied around his neck and adjusted to go over every outfit they had Steven try on, and the bib of COURSE had to read 'Daddies baby girl' "Have you thought about trying to put him on a diet?" One lady asked. "Yeah, but the little piggy will go though the trash looking for left overs. at least when I let him eat 2 whole pizza's to himself it's not trash pizza." Peedee lied. "Does he use his diapers for like..everything?" anther asked. "Of course. he doesn't get a diaper change till he's totally filled the front and back of his diapers or he's leaking. I'm not made of money for him to just waste them." "aww, what a lucky little piggy! I bet you love your daddy VERY much huh Steven?" A third giggled, directing her question right to Steven who locked eyes with Peedee. there was no doubt what the right answer was and if all of this had happened with him trying to be a good boy and play along, he didn't wanna think about what would happen if he was a bad boy. Steven nodded his head slowly as Sally squealed and then held out what she claimed would be the PERFECT dress for widdle piggy Steven. The top part of it had no sleeve, just little puffy bubbles in a white cream color, little indents with hot pink, then the main part of the top half of the dress was also hot pink and had a piggy face on the front, in a little shade of pink. the skirt part of the dress clearly wasn't going to be long enough to get close to covering up his massive diapers and was white with a little piggy head print going all around it. "I totally forgot we're getting in a line of fat shaming clothes for mothers and fathers who are sick of their girls being little piggy's! what do you think Peedee? prefect?" Peedee nodded and getting the dress on Steven it pinched at his flab rolls and much as Steven had predicted, did next to nothing to cover up his diapers, at least Half of them were still on display. with his bib on the top of it but not covering up the piggy on the front of the dress Peedee also got Steven a pair of pink flat heels and then of all things, promised that Steven would pay for the clothes by modeling them off in the store window for a few hours a week! "Well, as long as I don't have to change him I'm sure that can be worked out." Sally laughed. Steven just sniffled and sucked on his paci, knowing as bad as today had been so far, it was only going to get worse.

The end, for now.

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glacecakes · 3 years

Text

Alchemy Lullaby (17/17)

Of all the changes that came with living in the castle, becoming a father was not one he anticipated. When Eugene encounters a small child suffering like he did, he gives them the opportunity to grow up the way he never did… helping them both heal. (AU where Varian is 4 and gets adopted by Eugene)

Varian reunites with his real family. Fred gets dunked on. Eugene and Rapunzel surprise each other.

WE ARE AT THE END OH MY GOD ;-; sorry this took so long I have not been vibing but yknow. It be like that. First off, a big thanks to everyone who has helped me on this crazy journey. The scar and 7K server being my serotonin machine (if you wanna join dm me), AJ and Gues for helping me with ideas, and of course Finn, my partner in crime, the platonic love of my life, without who this crazy mess would probably not have been completed. And of course, all of you who have commented and kudos'd and bookmarked. This fic just passed Only as Strong in hits and that totally blows my mind.

I have so many lil baby ideas that were either too short to go here, or happen after AL, or didn't go with the story flow that I want to write! I'm debating whether to do it like VVO where they're all in one fic or just spam the varian tag. As always please leave a comment if you enjoyed this, thank you so much! If you have any specific requests for baby oneshots I'm always open!

Ok ok enough rambling

The moonstone clattered to the ground, dull and quiet like any other rock.

For a few moments, no one spoke. The only sound was Quirin’s heavy breathing, exhausted, as he slumped over Ulla’s slowly cooling body.

“Well…” Eugene finally breathed. “That was… something.” The adrenaline finally began to wear off, replacing a feral desire to protect with burns and shaky hands. In his arms Varian doesn’t stir, the soft breath against his arm the only sign he’s still alive.

“Understatement of the fucking century,” Cassandra groans. The decay incantation settled deep into their bones, making every movement painful. The only one unaffected was Rapunzel, protected by the golden pulse in her chest. She moves her hand to reveal a golden stone, similar to the moonstone.

“Millennium ago, a phenomenal event had divided an ancient power in two. The Sundrop and Moondrop fell to Earth; two elements waiting to be reunited…” She glanced up at Quirin, confusion written all over her face.

Slowly, shakily, she stood up and stumbled over. This was the one time she wanted shoes, what with the blood pooling at her toes. The man at her feet said nothing, simply staring down at the body with empty eyes. She heard whispers of soft footsteps behind her, indicating Eugene had followed with Varian in tow.

Quirin’s mind was a whirlwind, chattering faster than he’d ever spoken. What ifs, curses, screams, but despite all that…

He didn’t feel guilty. Not in the slightest.

Was that wrong of him? He just killed the mother of his child, the only woman he ever loved, and he felt nothing. Well, he felt relief. But regret, guilt, sorrow? None. Was this fatherly protection? His devotion to his king? Did he fall out of love? Maybe it was a mix of three. But then again, the woman he fell in love with and the woman he just killed were two wildly different people. Had she always been crazy and he’d just been blind, or did the moonstone corrupt her from its place in her womb?

It seems parenthood can change you for better or worse.

The princess kneeled down next to him and laid a hand on his shoulder. When he glanced up she smiled briefly, before glancing down at her breast. “Is this…?”

“The sundrop,” Quirin breathed, awe-stricken. “But how?” He glanced down at the woman (corpse) at his feet, and then over to Eugene and Varian.

With a grunt, Rapunzel ripped it free from her body. It hummed faintly, bathing her in a golden glow that illuminated her hair back to blonde. How magnificent and haunting all at once; the source of her power that caused so much pain to her family, that caused her kidnapping… that caused her to meet the love of her life.

It would be so easy to simply… reclaim it. To reabsorb its magic and regain the power to heal. But when she glanced around, at the destruction caused by its counterpart…

“The only way to destroy the moonstone.” She said with an air of finality, clutching it tightly in her fist. “Is to reunite it with its equal.” Quirin nodded in agreement. It was kind of amusing, that the destruction of a cosmic entity was merely an afterthought in this scenario.

Just tying up loose ends.

In another reality, maybe Rapunzel and Eugene and Varian would have sought the moonstone out. Maybe they would have debated whether or not to reunite the stones, unsure of the damage it would cause to Rapunzel.

But maybe someone else would have stolen it, harnessed it, and caused even more suffering untold. To her, to her friends, to her family…

A moan came from Eugene’s arms as Varian squirmed. His eyes remained shut, but he reached out a tiny hand for his dad to grasp. Internally, Eugene gave a massive sigh of relief. He’d been so worried that his son was gone, that he wouldn’t wake up without the moonstone. If that had been the case… god, he didn’t know what he’d do. Well, actually, Eugene knew exactly what he’d do (that being to reinsert the moonstone), but whether or not Quirin would let him is a whole other story.

“Bluebird? Can you hear me?” He whispered, gently shaking the boy. It was weird to see him without his signature hair stripe, almost as weird as long-haired-brunette Rapunzel.

“Daddy… m’ tired,” Varian whined, curling into a warm chest and breathing in familiar cologne. He sighed, content. He would’ve fallen back asleep if not for Eugene gently rustling him.

“Sorry bud, I need you to wake up for a little bit,” he whispered, biting back a smile. With an overdramatic groan, Varian opened his eyes. It was a familiar routine. Almost as if they were back home and he was just waking Varian up for the day. “How do you feel? Does anything hurt?”

“My throat...” he was cut off by a weak cough.

“Aw bud, I’m sorry, we’ll get you checked out at home, ok?” At Varian’s nod Eugene let out a massive sigh of relief. “I think Rapunzel needs you for a second.” He raised his eyes up to his girlfriend, who was now trailing a finger down Varian’s cheek.

With a small smile, she helped Varian out of his dad’s arms and placed him onto the ground by her side. “Would you like to help me get rid of the rocks?” She asked, and he bit his thumb while nodding shyly. His eyes had trailed over to Quirin and… Rapunzel was quick to move her hair in the way. He didn’t need to see that.

With a heavy, shaking hand, Quirin’s gloved hand reached out for the moonstone. He hesitated briefly, anxiously. What if it was absorbed by him? No, he couldn’t falter. He’d waited this long, salvation was within reach!

He grasped it tight. It didn’t react. Perhaps it knew the sundrop was close? Or maybe it knew Quirin didn’t want to use it? Regardless, he didn’t question it. Shaking, he stood up to his full height and ambled over to mother and son. He and Varian locked eyes for a moment. The boy’s eyes were troubled, clouded with hazy fear, confusion, but also… acceptance?

Quirin smiled. He held the stone out. “Would you like to do the honors, young man?” He whispered.

“Um. Yea, ok.” Varian said and took it into his tiny hands. He was so small, what was dwarfed in Quirin’s hands required both of Varian’s to hold. He looked up at Rapunzel, who’s own stone began to flare with power as it sensed its other half.

Eugene placed a hand on each of their shoulders. “Are we sure this is a good idea?”

“Nope!” Cassandra snorted at the kid’s candor.

“But whatever happens…” Rapunzel said, “We’ll face it together, as a family.” She looked pointedly over at Cassandra, who rolled her eyes.

“Alright alright, I’m coming,” She said.

“Yes, Auntie Cassie, join us!” Eugene chimed, earning an elbow in the arm.

She stood on Rapunzel’s side, supporting her best friend as she held out the sundrop. Eugene readjusted so he was holding onto Varian from behind.

Quirin stood aside, finally content.

The stones touched.

Varian skipped down the hallway with Ruddiger and cart in tow. The raccoon reached his tiny hands out, determined to swipe an apple from a nearby display. Just a little closer…!

The raccoon blinked as the apple vanished. He could’ve sworn it was there just a second ago… confused beady eyes glanced up at his best friend, only to chitter in delight when he saw Varian had stolen it. The child took a bite before handing it to Ruddiger to finish.

“Excuse me!” Varian said to one of the maids (Faith? Felicity? Names are hard) “Have you seen mommy and Auntie Cassie?”

The maid giggled. “In her highness’s room, I believe.”

“Thank you miss!” He called. Faith shook her head, smiling. That boy was awful at sleight of hand, considering his father, but no one would care about a single apple.

Things had been pretty quiet since coming home, in all honesty. In Varian’s opinion, a bit boring even.

Well, the first few days home weren’t so quiet. Upon arriving at the palace all had been rushed to the infirmary, only to be let go with minor injuries. The only exception was Varian, who was confined to bed rest for a week. Getting poisoned half to death will do that to you.

He’d spent the week constantly in the presence of his family who rotated out. He’d wake up to Rapunzel’s soft voice with breakfast handmade by Lance, light exercise with Cassandra (that usually involved learning how to use a wooden sword). Then Arianna would come teach him something, either basic Coronian history or math. He’d nap with Ruddiger, and finally Eugene would spend the rest of the day with him, from dinner to bedtime. It was paradise to the little boy.

At some point during the week, Hugo came by with a get well soon gift. He’d gushed to Varian nonstop about all they’d done in school, how cool the castle was, and hey is that a raccoon?

Hugo’s mom (who apparently knew Ulla, judging by her crestfallen face upon hearing her fate) watched over the boys while the king and Quirin got chewed out. Less so Quirin, since he already made up for it by, y’know, killing his ex.

“Let me get this straight, you changed the law after my kidnapping so birth parents always have primary custody?” Rapunzel rubbed her temples, frustrated. Frederick, for his part, at least looked guilty.

“I wasn’t sure if you would’ve wanted to stay with whoever was raising you…!”

“I feel like any little girl who finds out they’re a long lost princess would rather live with her birth parents,” Eugene muttered.

“I was so worried about getting found out, that once it happened, I didn’t bother to actually look into it, I just… UGH! You should’ve at LEAST repealed it the second I came home!”

“I… forgot?”

“SERIOUSLY?”

In the end, it was agreed that the law not only hurt Varian, but dozens of other abandoned kids who could never be adopted now. Suffice to say, it did not survive the day. In fact, Rapunzel immediately got to work creating a service for saving abused kids, and appointed Eugene in charge.

“There’s no one here who could do better than you,” She said. “You suffered under our systems, and then saved our boy from the same fate. Twice. I trust that you’ll figure it out.”

Eugene smiled wetly, pressing his forehead to Rapunzel’s. “Sunshine, you’re going to be an amazing Queen, you know that?” He brushed a lock of hair out of her face. Now that her hair was breakable, she’d debated whether or not to cut it. Long hair was a part of her identity, after all, but without it’s magic she wasn’t sure it was worth the upkeep. In the end, she decided to cut it back, not as short as before, but rather a comfortable bob.

“And you’ll be amazing by my side.” She said, placing a kiss.

Eugene wasn’t the only one to get an upgrade. Apparently Cassandra and her dad working together on the breakout plan meant he got to see her in action, as well as her dedication to protecting the royal family. Now, she was officially a royal guard, training to replace her father someday.

Which meant Lance, as instructor, was her boss.

Eugene feared for his life.

Varian turned a corner before lifting Ruddiger out of the cart. He was getting heavy, and the cart couldn’t do stairs well on its own. Together they bounded up the steps into his mom’s room.

“Hi Mama!” he cheered, running into her embrace. She easily scooped him up and twirled him around, prompting delighted squeals. Ruddiger curled around Rapunzel’s neck, joining Pascal.

“How’s my baby boy today?” She chimed.

“I’m good! Miss grandma said to come here,” He had no clue what to call Arianna; between the queen insisted she be grandma, the king wanted her to be addressed by title, and Eugene calling her ma’am, it all jumbled up in his head.

“Yes, we need your help!” She said.

Cassandra grimaced. “You need his help, I want no part in this.”

“Aw, don’t be like that!”

“Listen, Raps, I adore you, but your taste in men is atrocious. And coming from me that’s a low blow.” She stuck her tongue out at the little one who let out a squawk of protest. With a wave, she left the room.

“What’s wrong with daddy!?” He cried after her, raising a fist. “Fight me!”

“Let’s not fight family, ok? Remember how well the last time turned out?” Rapunzel hissed between her teeth. Varian cocked his head, confused.

“But I won last time.”

Can’t argue with that.

“Speaking of that…” Rapunzel hummed, carrying Varian over to her walls. From floor to ceiling paint covered nearly every surface, detailing her life and all the people in it. Front and center was a portrait of their family. Varian was nestled in between his mom and dad, with a beaming smile. “I know you won our fight for Eugene’s love but, I still love him. You know that, yea?”

“Mhm.”

“Well…” Her eyes trailed over to another drawing, this one much smaller; that of her coronation, when she’d turned down his proposal.

It’d been about six months since that fateful day, six months that Varian has been with them. In that time Varian turned five. While they didn’t know his exact birthday, Quirin had been helpful in estimating around when Varian had been born, and they picked a random date around late March. It had been a pretty small party, what with everyone still reeling a bit. But it was nonetheless momentous for two reasons: one, Eugene’s gift to Varian had been his official adoption papers, and two, Rapunzel had decided she was ready to marry Eugene. Seeing her son so happy in the man’s arms… she wanted that. She wanted it forever.

Hence why she asked Varian to come see her.

“You know what marriage is, right bud?” At his confirmation, she continued. “Well, me and your dad aren’t married… but I want to change that. If we got married, I’d become your mom officially, like how Eugene adopted you. Do you… would you like that?”

Varian blinked a few times. The gears in his head whirred to life, slowly cranking out a response. Finally, his sky blue eyes lit up in understanding and happiness. Mama wanted to stay with him forever! He nodded so fast it hurt, and he had to stop after a few seconds.

“Thanks, baby,” Rapunzel said, overcome with joy. “Now, you can’t tell anyone about this, ok? I want it to be a surprise for daddy.”

“Can I tell Ruddiger…?”

“Yes, you can tell him.”

“What about Hugo?”

“I mean if you want…”

“Uncle Lance?”

“No, he’s terrible with secrets.”

Eugene hummed under his breath as he helped Varian get ready for the day. Both mother and son had been all giggly and whispery the day before; clearly they had a secret between them. “You gonna tell me what you and mom were talking about?”

Varian cocked his head in confusion. Oh gosh, it never got old, still just as cute as the first time!

“Last night,” Eugene clarified.

Varian gasped, covering his mouth. He shook his head in despair. Daddy didn’t like keeping secrets from him, he said it was good to tell the truth… but mommy asked him to keep it to himself! Would she be mad if he told him?

“Don’t wanna spill?” Eugene teased, chuckling. He helped Varian into his new shirt. He never did find out what happened to Varian’s sailor outfit, the one he wore when he was with Ulla, but when the house blew up there was no way it survived. Now Varian wore a dark purple school uniform, with white buttons and ascot. His shoes were shiny and black, the pristine boarding school kind. There was a hat that went with it but Varian never wore it for more than a few minutes.

Varian shook his head.

Eugene smirked. “Alright, how about I share a secret with you, hm? Maybe then you’ll tell me?” He took the silence as an invitation. “I’m gonna ask Rapunzel to marry me.” He almost said again, but Varian wasn’t there the first time, and he still wanted the kid to think positively of him. It felt nice to tell someone; he’d tell Lance but he was terrible with secrets.

Varian looked like he was gonna explode.

His dad burst out laughing. The kid’s cheeks were so puffed up you’d mistake him for a blowfish, and his face burned red. He opened his mouth, but bit down on his hand to muffle his words, and stomped his feet in frustration. Frustrated tears bubbled up and, had it not been for his dad’s calloused hands, would’ve fallen down.

“Oh, bud,” Eugene wheezed. “It’s ok, you don’t have to tell me, alright? But I wanted to tell you that. I was going to propose tonight.”

Tonight!? Rapunzel and he were planning for tonight too! He was gonna sing a song! At his distraught face, Eugene quickly backpedaled.

“Bluebird I still love you! I know you technically won that fight but I’m still gonna love her, but you’re still my little boy! Are you mad?”

“No!” Varian whined. He hated that he couldn’t tell him why he was upset! Daddy was so good at cheering him up.

“No?”

“No.”

Exasperated, Eugene picked his son up and left his bedroom for the day. “Well when you’re ready to tell me, you come get me, hm? No pouting.”

He pouted the rest of the day.

It sucked.

Eugene could tell it was stressing Varian just as much as it was stressing him, but because Varian refused to talk, it made the whole situation that much worse. He thought maybe he was just mad at him, but apparently he wouldn’t even talk to Lance! And he loved Lance!

Varian hated being quiet! He was the biggest chatterbox when he wanted to be! The last time he was this quiet towards his family was back when he first moved in. But still the boy held his tongue. If he didn’t, he might accidentally tell someone! And he couldn’t even tell Rapunzel or Cassie, since they were busy all day!

Maybe today’s just an off day, Eugene thought as Varian pushed his food around at dinner. He looked so miserable, like he was near tears, and it pulled at his heartstrings. Eventually Varian gave up on trying to eat, and that was Eugene’s cue for an early bedtime.

For his part, Varian didn’t really complain all that much. But then again, if he complained, he might slip up!

“Just double checking, bud.” Eugene said after he tucked the boy in. Varian’s little onesie was so precious, covered in clouds and a sun on his chest. “You’re not upset about me proposing to Rapunzel?”

In all honesty, he was more worried about nightmares. All of their hard work building up Varian’s confidence had crumbled like a stack of cards thanks to Ulla. He was wary of guards and staff, unsure if any of them would turn them back over for experiments.

Even though Eugene had explained to Varian that his momma could never hurt him again, that he was safe and no one would ever take him away from him, that really wasn’t true. For one, Rapunzel was living proof of that. But more importantly, Ulla’s claws dug deep into the boy’s mind, haunting his dreams. At least once a week, even now, Varian would wake with horrible screams and visions of electric chairs and amber formulas and rocks. He was bouncing back a lot faster than the first time around, but there was a reason he’d started looking around Corona for a child psychiatrist.

“No…” Varian sighed. He may be bummed about their plans, but if the end result was the same, he couldn’t really be too upset. Right? He picked at his sheets. “Just wanted to see mama…”

Eugene smiled sadly. “I’ll have her come see you after our date, ok?” With a kiss to the forehead, the father left the room.

Varian waited a few moments.

Then he slipped out of bed.

Regardless of whether or not his and Rapunzel’s plans were ruined, he’s not missing this proposal! Honestly he was a little offended Eugene didn’t ask him to help. He could’ve been like, “Will you be my mommy?”. But then again, Rapunzel already was his mommy. So maybe not those exact words.

Whatever! The point remained!

He peeked down the corner, where Eugene and Rapunzel were talking. Ruddiger’s tail swished in Varian’s face, making it impossible for him to make out what they were saying. But judging by the box Eugene hid behind his back, and the chest Rapunzel hid behind hers, it was something about a surprise on their date tonight.

Man, adults were weird. Why all the secrets and cryptic speech?

They walked side by side, neither looking at the gifts hidden away, nor at Varian trailing behind them like a lost puppy.

“I heard Varian was cranky today,” Rapunzel snickered at the face her boyfriend made in response. He looked like he’d swallowed a lemon. Which, to be fair, wasn’t too far off from his “smolder”. And he wondered why she didn’t fall for it.

“Yea, a bit,” he said. “He didn’t want to tell me what you two have been up to.” At this, she raised an eyebrow. In all honesty, she expected him to cave. Her sweet little boy kept it together! Well, maybe not emotionally. She’ll grab a cupcake for him later.

“Well, I think he’ll be in a much better mood tomorrow,” she hummed. “I was surprised you wanted to go on a boat ride instead of our other plan.”

“Yea well, I had an idea.”

“A good one?” She shrieked when he jokingly poked her stomach.

Varian followed them quietly, his padded footsies keeping him undetected. The night chill nipped at his cheeks, turning them red as an apple. But he didn’t care. He kept following until his parents approached a boat and rowed out a small ways. It was far enough that Varian probably couldn’t swim it, but he could still see them. The soft sound of waves filled his ears, the moon’s lullaby trying to soothe its kin. But Varian’s focus was solely on his family.

“To think, about a year ago we were out here…” the princess glanced up at the starry sky. “And now…” She glanced over to see Eugene’s warm, loving smile.

“So, are we going to share gifts now or later?” Eugene joked. “It’s kinda funny, since today’s not really anything special, but we still got each other gifts.”

Rapunzel hummed, smiling. “This one isn’t just for you.” She glanced down at the box, an ornate, mahogany chest her mom gave her for the occasion. “It was supposed to be ready at Varian’s birthday but I figured I’d just give both of them to you.” Eugene’s smile turned even softer, if that was even possible. His heart was so warm, he half expected to burn from the inside out. The chest creaked open, and he gasped.

“Oh, blondie…”

There were two crowns sitting on plush blue velvet. Eugene’s was a dark silver, almost black under the moon’s shine. It had three prongs, not unlike Rapunzel’s tiara, though these were much pointier. Embedded on the middle prong was a gleaming violet stone, reflecting the color of Corona. Varian’s was relatively simple, more of a circlet. Also silver, it had the same loops as Rapunzel’s, with a myriad of blue stones instead of her red.

Eugene let out a shaky breath, almost nervous to touch them. “Rapunzel, these are…!” It felt almost wrong to have them. A year ago he’d tried to steal hers, and now he’s getting one of his own? But he couldn’t deny how much he wanted this. Not the crowns per say (well, that’s a lie; he may not be a thief anymore but he still loved the finer things in life) but to belong, to match with the loves of his life.

There was one nagging question though. “How’d you get your dad to agree?”

Rapunzel snorted. Around the same time she’d blown up at her dad, she’d found out about the nobility’s haggling in regards to him and Varian. “I told him we’d give him another grandkid.” Eugene choked on his own spit. “Uh, can we, um, raincheck on that? Varian’s already enough,” He wheezed. With his anxieties soothed, he reached out, fingers brushing against the cool metal. “I gotta say, these are pretty nice. Just big enough to not mess up my hair! Aw, blondie, you think of everything.” He struck a pose. “How do I look?”

“Like a king,” Rapunzel beamed. She reached into her pocket, ready to give him the other gift. “Speaking of king-”

“Hold that thought, it’s my turn!” Eugene said, holding up a finger. He missed his girlfriend’s pout.

Across the bay, Varian pouted as well. “This is boring,” he whined to Ruddiger.

“So, speaking of kings,” Eugene said, and Rapunzel rolled her eyes fondly, but softened when Eugene’s face turned more serious. “I know the last time I asked was… less than perfect. And in the time since that… so much has happened,” that was an understatement, and they both knew it. “You asked me to wait, and I just want you to know that I am fully willing to wait still. But… I just wanted to… check in?” He opened the box to reveal a cupcake. But before Rapunzel could question it, Pascal grabbed the cherry, revealing a ring on top of the frosting. She gasped.

“Rapunzel… will you marry me?”

Her eyes brimmed with tears of joy. She sniffled, reaching into her pocket. “Only if you marry me,” she laughed, revealing the golden band she had. Eugene’s face lit up, and smiled harder than he ever had. The night was full of silence, just the two of them as they swapped bands.

“HEY! DID YOU DO IT YET?”

Eugene burst into silent laughter, burrowing his face onto Rapunzel’s shoulder as his own shook with mirth. Honestly, he didn’t know why he expected any less. Of course Varian would try and follow them. His fiance (!!) grabbed the oars, rowing back to shore where their son bounced up and down with impatience.

The moment they stepped out onto the dock, they got an armful of child. “Oof!” Eugene wheezed. “I thought you went to bed, young man?”

“Nope!”

Rapunzel hummed. “But didn’t your daddy put you to bed?”

“Uhuh. I just got up again.”

Eugene barked out a laugh, sweeping Varian up into his arms, much to the boy’s delight. He shrieked with joy, clutching his dad’s neck tight. Rapunzel couldn’t help but join in, wrapping both of them into a bear hug.

The small family’s laughter rang out into the night air, up towards the moon.

It shined just a bit brighter.

#varian #tangled the series #tts #tts varian #tangled #tts eugene #eugene fitzherbert #tangled eugene #team awesome

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dearmrsawyer · 3 years

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kit @nightwideopen tagged me to answer 30 questions and then tag 5 people, thank you! :)

name/nickname: jamila/aja

gender: girl

star sign: aquarius, i think i’m whatever the opposite kind of aquarius harry styles is 😂

height: 160cm i think

birthday: 9 feb, i'm freshly minted at 30!

favourite bands: 1d, the oh hello's, patd, fob, mcr, green day, i think if your bandname doesn't turn into an acronym your chances aren't good LOL

song stuck in my head: i'm listening to kiss you rn so that :)

last movie: UGHHHHHHHHHH

last show: up to the s5 finale of spn in my rewatch!!

when did i create this blog: i think in 2012. i had another blog briefly in 2011 but it didn't stick right away

what do i post: well atm you are all suffering through my emotional spn rewatch, so primarily 1d/louis/spn/whatever other shows i love that appear on my dash (all the shows i love are on this website too few and far between)!

last thing googled: 'shakshuka' bc i wanted to check whether i need 1 or 2 cans of tomato

other blogs: a bunch of fests i've run and @notjustalibrary which is my library blog that i constantly FORGET to post to because its not a side blog so its not in my face, and i try to use it during work hours, and work has been off the walls nuts for the past 12 months so i have not have time :'/ but it is always lurking in the back of my mind causing me guilt lol

do i get asks: mostly just if i reblog a meme!

why i chose my url: a reference to my fav Lost character :)

following: 169

followers: 1,210 (i think 25 of you are active/real blogs lol)

average hours of sleep: usually 7 frequently interrupted hours

lucky number: i really don't have one, but i do always get a good feeling if i see a Lost number

instruments: a brief stint with piano in my teens that i enjoyed much more before i started taking proper lessons

what am i wearing: pyjamas ALWAYS. grey pants with white stars and a S.T.A.R. Labs tee

dream job: sort of what i'm doing! i guess in the most ideal of library worlds i might like to be a YA librarian but i love being an academic librarian, and i love having my hand in so many pots/knowing the whole library inside out as the sole librarian of a small library, rather than specialising in a particular department

dream trip: round-the-world trip to see all my friends and maybe go to a concert with said friends!! everyone lives so far away!! the injustice!

favourite food: potato in any form

nationality: italian/lebanese heritage but i live in australia

favourite song: the song i've most recently fallen in love with and played a LOT is 'bright lights and cityscapes' by sara bareilles

last book read: 'a beautifully foolish endeavour' by hank green (omGGGGGGG)

top three fictional universes i'd like to live it: the 'i'd like to live in' qualifier REALLY narrows this down 😂 ok hp, star trek or POKEMON. god i want a little pokepal so bad 😭

i shall tag: @candybarrnerd @virglows @niallandtommo @gratitudecafe @youcancallmedoctor

#i often call sawyer my little pokemon #she is just such a cartoon character!! and also bursting with personality/responsive/feels like i am with a sentient being #so i guess i'm close!#meme

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keiscait · 3 years

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Hello!! I see that your matchups are open and I was wondering if I could get a Living Room and Bedroom one? Living Room would be more preferable if u can’t do both. I’m not sure if this is enough to cover both…I’m sorry agdhshdhejdbjdj

I’m not sure if u can do this but could u make this anon too? You can associate me by this emoji: 🕺

Here’s the info:

PRONOUNS: she/her

PERSONALITY (Living Room): I am generally very shy and closed off, always making sure I avoid people. I stay away from large crowds because I’m a ball of anxiety (I get anxiety easy) and I get really nervous whenever someone approaches me, especially around guys like I usually won’t look at them in the eyes because I become a blushy mess and lose my words. I am also usually very quiet too and don’t talk a lot.

However, when I talk to my close friends, I literally become Hinata (no joke). I get so hyped, energetic, cheerful, make my friends laugh, and help them a lot too. I am also very passionate about things. When I am suffering with a problem, I don’t like telling friends because I don’t wanna worry them because I feel bad. I end up telling my best friend (they are literally Kageyama to me LOL). I also apologize a lot if I felt I did something wrong and I am quite odd to my friends. I end up getting into playful banter with my close friends where I tease them with playful jokes. I am quite observant too since I don’t usually talk to people, so I notice things from afar. I can tell if a friend of mine has a slight change in their behavior and I will ask if they are ok to be sure. I am also very honest, straightforward and pretty blunt about things.

Do not get me upset. It takes a lot for someone to make me upset and actually angry. The most I would get is being annoyed. However, if you managed to get me angry, I lose my temper and yell and my friends have mentioned it’s as if I would snap someone in two. I do curse like crazy so people get surprised since I am usually quiet. Again it is rare, but I’ve been told it’s scary when I get angry. I will eventually be alone to recharge and wouldn’t want anybody to talk to me.

When it comes to relationships, I don’t have that much experience…I hate PDA so I’m really private. I’m actually afraid to love somebody because I’m afraid I won’t be good at all so if somebody was crushing on me and shows affection, I try to divert that attention to something else because I get shy and get so scared. Again it’s hard to look at someone I like in the eyes because I blush so much. It’s hard to show affection by words so I show it by actions like hugs. I would love to hold their hands, caressing them or squeezing them just to feel the comfort and warmth. I think I might be very tender and gentle but I think as I open up, I might get cheery and energetic but that’s a theory. I do try my best to make them happy even if it takes me a while to get comfortable and I’ll try to shower them with love by physical actions. Maybe I’ll draw for them too to make them happy…

I love art. I love to draw for my friends because I love seeing them get so excited for the finished product. I also love listening to music every day so when I’m alone and away from everyone, I just blast music through my headphones. I love gaming too so you’d find me playing the Switch!

I am a perfectionist, hardworking and always try my best even if I get put down. Sometimes I might overwork when it comes to drawing but that’s because I get so eager to improve every day. I also love to give support to my friends for their dreams and but I am not an optimist or pessimist, I am a realist.

IN BEDROOM: Pretty much the same when it comes down to relationships. I get extremely flustered and shy about physical affection and worry if I’m not good at all. I might be a bottom aagdhhshdhsjdjd I just don’t see myself having confidence in these kinds of experiences. I would love if somebody was gentle and passionate with me tho…Since I don’t rly interact with people in the public, I think I might be touch starved so any physical affection might drive me crazy (in the good way). As flustered as I get, I am pretty dirty-minded.

ZODIAC: Aries

THINGS I LOOK FOR IN A PARTNER: quiet, calm, observant, passionate, playful, a tease, cold yet caring, strong, emotional, empathetic, kind, understanding, respectful, and not afraid to speak their mind

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Gryffindor!!

FAV FOOD: I loveeee food. I am always hungry for food. I love spicy food especially. I love pasta/spaghetti, pizza, sushi, and I love chicken burgers

FUTURE PLANS/DREAMS: I just hope to be successful and actually feel happy. I hope I’ll land a good position for art like for animation or games (especially if it’s anime-related!) I’m not sure if I’ll find someone to settle down with but only time will tell.

MUSIC TASTE: Rock, J-Rock, Future Funk, Lofi, and I adore anime and video game OST LOOKS: I’m smol like 5'3. I have light skin but not pale (it’s like Hinata’s) and I have red/brown hair and brown eyes. I also have little freckles on my cheeks I’m so sorry if it’s so much but maybe it helps ; __ ; Thank u for doing these and make sure to take breaks!!

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Hello and welcome, dear! This is wonderful - thank you for all the details, it gives me a lot to work with! ❤️ I’m so excited to get started with this. Let’s go to the living room! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

For you, I’ve invited over…

Kita Shinsuke! (Runner up: Sugawara Koushi)

Our lovely Inarizaki captain may come off as cold and stoic, but he’s really just unbothered my trivial things. He strives for improvement daily, and ensures he goes through the motions before reaching perfection.

- When you two first meet, I don’t think there will be a lot of interaction there - but when there is, it’s definitely more comfortable than it is awkward. Kita has the effect on people that makes them feel safe and secure, like all the pressures of life just disappear for a moment

- This is how your friendship starts. He proves himself more and more approachable by the day. You’re both straightforward and observant people, so you two would probably tag-team when interacting with other people. He’ll make you feel secure in the friendship despite his no-nonsense bluntness, while he appreciates that you aren’t a flashy person

- The fact that you’re a hardworking perfectionist helps him relate to you on a deeper level. He’d be so happy to find someone who understands this part of him

- He will probably make himself more present in your life by doing little things - helping you clean up after class, sending you tips on how to study for a subject you’re having trouble with, offering an ear for you to rant if he notices something’s off

- He does everything slowly and with very close precision, all in the hopes of you becoming more comfortable around him

- the man is near perfect, what more can I say

- OF COURSE he succeeds. He’s Kita Shinsuke

- Don’t worry, he won’t be thrown off by your more playful side once it comes out. Kita most likely already got hints of your sunshine here and there while he was slowly gaining your trust

- Once he feels like it’s the perfect time, only THEN will he ask you out

- Let out your inner gremlin!!!!! He can 100% handle it, since he’s so used to the chaos of his team by now and he has somehow remained?? completely SANE?? what a man

- AND the difference is, he LIKES YOU!!!1!!!!!!!1!!

- He will adore all your little quirks, and may even participate in your playful banter

- Does not mind that you’re not into PDA. Hell, he might even be relieved–

- He’d notice how you try to divert affection, and will try to talk to you about it. You won’t have to say much, he’ll be able to tell from your body language that it’s because you’re anxious to love somebody, and will never take that against you

- Will work on trying to break through those walls, but wouldn’t ever force it

- Prepare for a beautiful domestic future 🥺🥺🥺 a simple life on a farm in the Japanese countryside with the man of your dreams?? You, an artist, and him, a farmer???? The absolute PUREST domestic dream 😭😭😭

You were sat in your worktable, sketching away the morning. A deadline was fast approaching, so you could hardly allow yourself to rest - so the first thing you did today, as with most days, was work.

The art block hit a few days back. Your nights have recently been filled with drooping eyes paired with a throbbing headache, and they were now slowly eating up your mornings, too. You massaged your neck, sore from hunching over your desk so much - all you could at the moment was stare at the now blank sheet in front of you. You weren’t satisfied with any of the pieces you made, so you always ended up scrapping whatever it is that you were doing.

You were snapped out of your daze at the sound of the cuckoo clock. You noticed that you were gripping the pen a little too hard, causing some redness on your fingertips. A frustrated groan escaped you as your hands rubbed circles into your temples. The morning felt so dull.

The time read 7AM. Two hours on the desk and not a single thing, you thought to yourself. Like clockwork, you heard the door open and close as Kita came back from field work. He stopped in his tracks upon seeing you.

“You’re awake?” His tone was more concerned than surprised. He had witnessed your restlessness these past few days, doing whatever he can to ease your frustration a a little bit. This wasn’t anything new to him, seeing as you were both workaholics, but he couldn’t help but worry about how this deadline was treating you.

You managed a weak smile as you met his eyes. He looked pretty in the morning light - sweat trickling down his neck, some of his hair clinging to his forehead, lips slightly parted to allow better breathing. It was rare for you to see him like this since he usually gets up and finishes work before you get up. The sight comforted you a bit, as if the bleakness dissipated for a little while.

He walked over to the coffee machine to run it. “Still no luck?”

“I’ve been at it since 5AM.” You let out an exasperated sigh. “I woke up when you went out to work. I couldn’t go back to sleep thinking about it.”

He hummed in acknowledgment. The two of you stayed quiet for a while, with only the sounds of the coffee machine and birds chirping. The peacefulness almost sunk in until you were reminded of the stress looming over your head. You let out another sigh.

You were staring down the blank sheet again, sick of the emptiness it posed. With a pen in hand, you tried to mimic the motions of drawing strokes, hoping for a sudden burst of inspiration. Nothing.

Kita laid a cup of coffee next to you. “You barely slept, y/n. At least eat a bit.” That elicited no response from you - all you could do was lean back in your chair, feet put up onto the seat.

Your boyfriend placed his finger under your chin, making you look up at him standing next to you. “Y/n.”

He examined your expression - you were so tired; redness peaked from the corners of your eyes, and your lips were almost pale. “You need food in your system, y/n.”

“I don’t have time to eat, Shin, this is–”

“Food is what the brain runs on. Even a child knows that,” he teased as he pulled you on your feet and led you to the kitchen table, “Eat.”

You had no choice but to oblige. You plucked a banana from its bunch, munching away while Shin scrambled some eggs. Before you knew it, a breakfast was spread out in front of you. The brown-eyed boy pressed a kiss at the top of your head as you praised him. “I don’t deserve you,” you said with a smile.

“It’s just breakfast,” he chuckled, “and you do deserve me. You deserve the world.”

The world suddenly felt full of color again, and you were ready to face the dreary white that’s been mocking you the whole week.

I hope that was alright with you, dear! Let’s head over to the bedroom ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Look who’s here for some alone time!

Semi Eita! (Runner up: Kageyama Tobio)

One of the prettiest setters to date, Semi here has his moments of sincerity despite the scary attitude he puts up. He comes off as a domineering personality, but I feel like in the bedroom, he’d be incredibly tender.

- Don’t believe the mask he puts up. Semi bb is a big softie for his s/o!!!!! CHANGE MY MIND

- In the bedroom, you well-being would be TOP priority - he would constantly ask you if this or that is okay, and make sure your comfortable with whatever the two of you are doing

- Your first time would be SO intimate: if you planned it beforehand, he’d go as far as laying out candles, setting up a fragrance to fill the room, and maybe even laying out roses; if it isn’t planned, he’d hold you close the whole time, and won’t really get rough with how he handles you

- Has enough confidence to take the lead. He’s pretty self-assured, and this will really translate in the bedroom

- Knows where to touch you and is gentle about it, making sure to test things out first before going at it

- When he gets to know your more dirty side, that’s when he brings up stuff he’d like to try out. Try surprising him every now and then by telling him you want to try something new ( 　･ิω･ิ)

- Oh, his moans. SO GOOD. They’re soft, but so raw, and it would almost sound melodic. Would also chant your name a lot

- I can’t imagine him being loud in the bedroom, but he’d definitely be into dirty talk - I imagine it’s one of his top kinks - more praising than degrading

- He’s also into choking, unless you’re not comfortable with it, then for sure, he wouldn’t force it on you

- MAKES THE PRETTIEST O FACES. WHAT I’D GIVE TO SEE IT

- Would lay on top of you (or under, whichever position you were in) for a while before aftercare. He wants some time to hold you while winding down

- Aftercare would be quick but careful - he wants to ensure that he’s got everything covered

- The epitome of Making Love, as opposed to simply “having sex”

Sorry for the long wait, darling! I hope you enjoyed all of that, and thank you so much for your patience. Feel free to pay me another visit, or just sit and chat with me anytime :D

Thanks for stopping by! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

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silver-wield · 4 years

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Hey so I was wondering if you did/could do an analysis on clouds various panic attacks ptsd episodes and how he responds to each one I’m interested to read your thoughts on each one since you usually bring a new perspective to the table for me so thanks for that!

All of Cloud's ptsd attacks? Damn, that's a lot of searching I've got to do. I might not find them all. I'll do my best but you'll have to let me off if I miss a couple lol

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Please check my master post to see if I've already covered your question, thanx

Recap time!

I explain Cloud's entire backstory which covers his PTSD and other issues here, so that should do for a recap right?

A further thing to note is that PTSD affects people differently and in Cloud's case it manifests as a psychological taunt in the form of Sephiroth. Embodiying his sense of failure, lack of self-esteem and self-actualisation, this version of Sephiroth is the one that Cloud reacts to the most strongly. This is the one that makes him whimper with fear and react on instinct instead of observing the situation and attacking. This is the one he fears, and it's a part of himself wearing a monster's face. Why Sephiroth? Who else has done him more harm? Sephiroth killed his mother, Tifa (so he assumes), burned his hometown to the ground and was indirectly responsible for his best friend's death, too.

And Cloud couldn't do a thing about it. He is the manifestation of everything that Cloud hates and fears about himself. Because of this, he's dissociated from much of his feelings. He still feels, but at a lesser degree than he should were he fully in touch with his real self.

Moseying on.

The first PTSD induced attack isn't actually prompted by Sephiroth himself, although he does feature in it. Cloud's first attack happens when he sees the destruction of sector 8 and buildings burning. This gives him the association of the last time he saw a burning building, which happened when his village burned. The sensory input of sights, sounds and smells prompted the memory, which combined with the high stress situation and Cloud's own latent anxiety and guilt for his part in this chaos.

You see a close up of Cloud's eye as it widens and real!Cloud's memory pushes to the forefront of his mind – remember, these memories are things SOLDIER!Cloud can't access at will, which is why they cause him pain when it happens.

Theres a static noise in the background, which is meant to convey a type of ringing in Cloud's ears and then the building's facade morphs to that of his house with the fence around it.

While much of what Sephiroth says is in line with this being a separate being from Cloud and not merely his own subconscious taunting him, there are elements of it being a combination of both. This is in line with the OG where Sephiroth was able to get in Cloud's head and make him doubt his own sense of self. With what we know of how Jenova's cells manipulate Cloud, it's believable that Sephiroth is both a separate being manipulating Cloud to his own ends and partly an aspect of Cloud's psyche that exists to push blame on him for everything. It's the representation of his mental illness that he struggles to fight.

Obviously, there's no fire, so Cloud sweating and breathless is because they're physical symptoms of his PTSD induced trauma.

Sephiroth's taunting lines about how he killed Cloud's mother are overkill when you consider the real Sephiroth's personality. The combination of the overarching Sephiroth and Cloud's PTSD version make a powerful foe that he never really beats. This is a metaphor for the fact those with mental illness are never really free. It's a lifetime battle and even if they're in recovery, that demon is just waiting for one weak moment when they can get them back in their grip.

You can hear Cloud gasp in this scene as once again Sephiroth appears to taunt him. He's not fully recovered from the last attack and now there's another right on top of it. Sephiroth appearing is once again partly Cloud's own trauma and partly the Jenova cells in him warping his perception and allowing Sephiroth to mess with him.

Unlike the time before, this Sephiroth vision is a simple taunt that Cloud is too weak to save anyone. This is his guilt and self-loathing talking about how he couldn't save his mom, Tifa or his town. It could also be hinting that he couldn't save Zack either.

The hidden implication of this scene is the fact that Sephiroth puts his hand on Aerith's shoulder. This is the only time Sephiroth touches anyone besides Cloud.

The next time Cloud has an attack is during the reactor 5 mission. This happens because of Tifa's presence drawing out the painful memory of the Nibelheim reactor where he believed she died after facing down Sephiroth.

Even in the midst of his PTSD attack he looks to Tifa. She doesn't know what's happening with him and he backs away from taking a chance to confide in her, but even during this moment when he's showing weakness he has very good eye contact with her. He's looking her directly in the eye, which he wouldn't do if he wasn't comfortable with her. This shows that Cloud sees her as a source of comfort and support.

You can see the lingering doubt on his face here after he dismisses the attack. He's not aware of what the memory means because he's not in touch with the full story – that belongs to real!Cloud kept hidden away. He knows it's left him unsettled and feeling like a failure. This is one of the few times I've seen that Cloud doesn't dismiss out of hand the content of the attacks.

Tifa repeats a phrase she said back then and Cloud's sense of failure surfaces, causing him pain and to freeze up. We get a voice over from real!Cloud referring to the time he believes he let Tifa down. Before the SOLDIER persona can get too deep into it or question what he means, Barret yells for him to focus. Cloud shakes off the paralysing feelings, but that doesn't stop Tifa asking it he's ok, which he dismisses again. This is typical of truama survivors pushing their feelings down and attempting to function without ever truly dealing with the source of their pain.

This next flash is prompted by the events during chapter 8 where the children get into trouble and Cloud has to rescue them. It echoes a similar even in his past where Tifa climbed Mt Nibel and fell, despite his best efforts to save her. She spent a week in a coma and Cloud was blamed for the incident and told to stay away from her.

The past emotions of guilt and failure mingle with the present situation to prompt a flash of pain as the memory of Tifa surfaces. It's his feelings of guilt and having failed her that cause the pain, not Tifa herself because when he says to Aerith he doesn't know how to explain he turns to the spot where he saw the vision of Tifa and smiles wistfully. This means Tifa herself doesn't cause him pain. The feelings he has about himself, do.

Chapter 13 and omg I love this freak out! I'm sorry, but this is such a great moment for Cloud and really highlights how low he is at this point. This shows the depth that we miss from him always having his SOLDIER persona taking charge. He's just lived through a tragedy. He's seen the girl he likes in pieces and trying to hold it together. He wants to comfort her. He wants to be himself, but he can't because he's just not good enough. He's feeling like a failure in more ways than one. He lost people too, goddamnit!

Then, in a misguided attempt to distract Tifa from her pain, he stumbles right into a trigger point for his own trauma. Of course he wouldn't know this. It's one of those flashes of Sephiroth ranting about his role and Jenova and shit. (I might have mistakenly said this was a future-flash somewhere, but then I remembered he does this rant right before he kills everyone in Nibelheim).

There's very little blocking to the memory. This is pretty well sealed by real!Cloud compared to his other memories. Even painful ones of Tifa have more context than this. This is something that is so damaging to Cloud's psyche that he can't even fill in the space around it.

So, we get the same kind of staticky noise we heard in chapter 2 when the vision of Sephiroth showed. Cloud gasps pretty loud here tbf. He's unguarded because of the vision and possibly his own distraction about what he's just been through. He wasn't prepared to see Sephiroth here even more than he was back in chapter 2 when he had a full on panic attack.

I mean, his pupils are seriously dilated here. Boi is scared.

Cloud's whimpering and my heart breaks for him. Sephiroth is hitting all his weakest points by bringing up failure and mentioning it's not the first time that's happened. Cloud's at a low point already, so it's not unexpected he backs away from this rather than tries to fight. This isn't SOLDIER!Cloud. This is real!Cloud. The fear has driven real!Cloud to the surface and he wants to run away, just like Sephiroth taunted back in chapter 2.

“Through suffering you will grow strong. Isn't that what you want?”

Clearly not by the look on Cloud's face. The part of him that's real!Cloud within this moment looks like he wants to scream that he's had enough of being in pain. He wants to shake his head and deny that he deserves it. What did he ever do wrong?

I feel like this is more of Cloud's own subconscious taunting him and implying that he deserves everything bad that happens to him, rather than it being the external Sephiroth manipulating Jenova's cells. He's saying Cloud secretly wants to suffer because that's all he should ever get in life. He thinks if he suffers enough pain that he'll be stronger for it, instead of the broken person that he really is. This is the type of thing people who’ve lived through trauma deal with every single day. It’s a never ending barrage of not feeling good enough and worrying that your entire existence is a bother to society. Not even just those close to you, you are a blight on the world. That Cloud’s internal trauma is so deeply rooted in this figure of Sephiroth narrows his focus and makes him project all of his fears onto him. It’s no wonder he freezes.

Now, not strictly a PTSD glitch, but it does provoke a very strong reaction from Cloud, and definitely plays into his fears, so I'm gonna include this one on the proviso it's more fear motivated.

This is the moment he sees Tifa stabbed during the VR cut scene. Sephiroth hijacked it to show them meteor, but then he also killed Tifa and then Barret. We know later on that Barret actually dies, so having seen this, Cloud may well relate back to this deep seated fear that he can't save Tifa and she'll die because of him and it'll cause further attacks. This is also a callback to the time in the reactor in Nibelheim when Tifa was stabbed by Sephiroth and Cloud couldn't save her – this ties to the PTSD flashback he had during the reactor 5 mission where he saw Tifa picking up Sephiroth's sword, so it's got precedence to cause him further trauma once he connects the dots. The fact it provokes such a strong emotional response from him – so much so that his entire face changes – I suspect that real!Cloud came out to motivate him to run to her out of the fear he'd just seen her die in front of him – again. The shock and disbelief on his face, the utter heartbreak. His expression changes from SOLDIER!Cloud to real!Cloud in less than 3 seconds. I checked. As a trigger for his trauma, Cloud's fear of losing Tifa pushes him to a lot of things he wouldn't normally do.

This is more of a memory glitch than PTSD since it's tied to the grunt recognising Cloud and calling him out on the false memories he has of being a SOLDIER. He says they went through training together and Cloud's eyes narrow as though he's trying to reconcile a truth against a lie. The truth that real!Cloud was a grunt and SOLDIER!Cloud is a fake.

There's some distress on his face here that links back to the point during the airbuster battle when he first learned about cell degradation. He knows what he believes is true isn't quite right, but he can't figure out why. SOLDIER!Cloud is unaware of the SOLDIER persona he constructed to protect his real self from further trauma. In OG when Cloud finds out – through Sephiroth’s skewed af bullshit – it causes a complete mental break, so real!Cloud's right to be wary of triggering himself because he's not in a good enough place to deal with what he's done to protect himself. He'd blame himself for being even more weak than he thought.

This is more interesting. Usually whenever anyone questions Cloud about his false identity he claims it, while also rejecting it by saying “ex-SOLDIER”, but in Hojo's case, he seems to hesitate, as though part of him knew it would be questioned and wouldn't hold up. Since Hojo's the one who did this to Cloud, it's likely the truth of what happened couldn't be kept back by the SOLDIER lies.

Pained again, Cloud turns his head away, as though he can shut out the truth. Hojo's image glitches for him and it's reminiscent of the OG moment where Cloud confronts Hojo and asks if he can be a proper experiment instead of a failed one (or something like that. I haven't played OG in like 5 years)

The trauma from what Hojo's done is quickly brushed under the carpet thanks to the arrival of the whispers. This is the second time they appear to prevent Cloud learning too much about his past too early. (Dammit, I forgot about deep ground, I'll circle back to it or I'll lose the order for my screenshots)

I'm not including the long corridor walk prompted by Jenova because that's a loading screen and also it happens not because of anything that Cloud experienced in the location, but because the outside influence of Jenova called to him. His only association with Jenova is the infusion of cells, though how he got them does set off attacks. Actually, here's a good point for the deep ground screen.

Preview of zombie Cloud for Mideel anyone? I mean, what can I say? He's totally checked out and it's scary. No wonder he doesn't wanna remember any of it if this is what he was like at the time. Imagine being so doped up with mako that you're not even you any longer? Having experiments carried out on you and god knows what else. Being stuffed in a chamber jammed full of alien dna and left to see what happens.

This is what broke him. I'd say it's similar to the faceless Squall cut scene from the end of FF8. It's chilling. No wonder he crafted an entire persona to protect himself from remembering this.

So this is the culmination of all the other attacks he's had. We get flashback elements from several that threaten to overwhelm Cloud. He's clutching his head. He's in serious pain and can't do anything. He manages to push through and ask if it's really Sephiroth. He then grabs his left arm when it begins to hurt. This is because Sephiroth is left handed. This is also the same arm that had the major infection of geostigma in AC.

Conclusion

Cloud is a messed by puppy and I ship him with therapy.

PTSD is a tricky thing to accurately show, especially in this case when it's not all totally mental illness and there are outside factors that skew how it's portrayed. Part of Sephiroth is within Cloud, though I do suspect it's more of an aspect of his own feelings of self-loating and doubt than it is actually Sephiroth. That's not to say there isn't also a genuine part of Sephiroth within these visions influencing Cloud to do what he wants, but I think it comes down to the context of the moment.

Cloud's been through a lot of shit and fronts like nothing else. He's managed to get away without any kind of vices or coping mechanisms besides this alternate persona that actually does ok in following the real!Cloud's lead when his deeper urges motivate SOLDIER!Cloud into doing things. I mean there's a point where there's a clear debate between the two about dancing for Andrea. All that back and forth eye movement and then the grimace and “fine, for Tifa” expression wasn't necessary if it was just SOLDIER!Cloud.

It's gonna be hard for Cloud to hear that he's not real in the sense that he thinks he is. It's gonna break him. We've got a preview of his scary vacant Mideel look and it's terrifying. Major props to Tifa for refusing to give up on him.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #Character analysis #Cloud Strife #Tw: ptsd

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enduringsea · 3 years

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( rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the kind of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs, then tag 10 people! no skipping! ) / tagged by @yellowcrumpet ╭( ･ㅂ･)و )))

Thanks for the tag! I LOVE these things-- I don’t rlly have a playlist either though, just a mess of music files on a device I haven’t updated so I’ll be checking my YouTube history too lol. There’s a uhhh.... pattern to be found, mainly relating to Code Vein or other OCs.... which isn’t surprising ._. ;; I made it a separate post bc I knew this was going to get long and rambly with lyric snippets and crying about fictional characters, sorry :D

1. Repeat Until Death - Novo Amor don’t go / you’re half of me now / but i’m hardly stood proud / i said it, almost oh i’ve been low / but damn it i bet it don’t show / it was heaven a moment ago oh i can’t seem to let myself leave you / but i can’t breathe anymore This one gives me Loubeth vibes ok, partially bad end route ;-; While Elizabeth is a very strong person, her friends are the most prominent reason she tries to do anything at all & isn’t living day-to-day in a monotonous grind to survive without a solid purpose other than ‘help random ppl bc it’s the right thing to do’. If she loses them, it’d ruin her & hammers into her head how everything she’s ever done has been a failure. She suffered a major betrayal by her boss before the Collapse, she was unable to fully participate in proj. queen despite her incredible test results, she failed to defeat Cruz and take her blood during Operation Queenslayer, and if she fails to protect the people she’s finally found meaning with? She’d break down completely & destroy herself to save them. She’s always had some level of abandonment issues, and without her family around it’s so much worse, even if it isn’t the most obvious because she’s generally seen as very well put together-- I really can’t express how much it would hurt her to lose Louis, Yakumo, and the others. She’s just not one to show just how bad it can truly get for her mentally and emotionally-- she’s resilient as hell, she’s been through hell repeatedly and survived it all, so it’s easy for others to assume she’s fine all things considered. It makes her feel weak and ashamed of herself if she shows any level of vulnerability, so she doesn’t; she swallows it down and is afraid of disappointing those who look up to her as a fighter and friend-- of course, no one at Home Base would blame her for being vulnerable, they all have their moments, Bethy just sets herself to such a high standard it’s difficult for her to talk about her own suffering in spite of how well-versed she is in getting her thoughts and feelings across otherwise. Louis is the one most keen to how deeply she’s hurting, but he doesn’t understand just how deeply until she finally does fall apart. The final swell of the song and its desperate lyrics really relays the pain they both feel-- Louis too would not fare well if something happened to Elizabeth, because he blames himself she was even involved in Operation Queenslayer for a long time, I honestly did so bad in explaining coherently, this song just has so much emotion and hurt behind it adklfjdfdff </3

2. Looking Out For You - Joy Again this is a love song for a girl who will never know it’s about her she's beaming that smile / all the while i’m all tripped up on my own throat i guess there is no hope This song reminds me of Elizabeth & my friend’s character Takashi Fujioka, who gets-- vERY...FRIENDZONED, for lack of a better word, by Elizabeth in his story, it’s really summed up best as tragic (;﹏;) Before the Collapse they were hitting it off, then the Collapse happened, they were separated, he lost his sisters, Mido happened, he was experimented on + became a revenant, etc, etc; years have passed since then & she’s gotten her life together as much as one can in a world like Vein, but for Takashi it’s like no time has passed at all. Elizabeth is subtly older in appearance, she’s been working w Lou & Co. for a long time; Loubeth blatantly have a connection, & rather than bringing up his feelings + making it awkward bc he values their friendships, he just kinda. chokes on them & does his best to help out the team. It doesn’t help he can’t even be jealous bc Louis is a really solid friend to him too, IT’S JUST A MESS OF A SITUATION & the death of what could have been if things were different.

3. Closer - Teagan And Sara ( no lengthy explanation for this one thank goodness, I’ve just been watching BoJack Horseman again and I really like some of the songs they add in, I like listening to this one on loop when mindlessly coloring something )

4. Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo all I did was try my best / this the kind of thanks I get? they say these are the golden years / but I wish I could disappear ego crush is so severe / god, it's brutal out here I have it on a playlist for Elizabeth somewhere, not all of it applies to her but it reflects some of her struggles she has both before & after the collapse. She’s-- always kind of been a mess while under immense pressure + has serious self image issues, this song hits that side of her well. She’s been held to humanly impossible standards by both herself and her family bc frankly? She can reach them, she’s NOT exactly human. She was born into her position as a hunter & intends to keep it for as long as she lives (like revenants, her kind is very much ‘either gets killed or lives 5ever), even if some days she really feels how heavy the burden can be. She didn’t have a normal childhood and she’s fine with it for the most part, but it alienates her from most of her peers-- she never got to date anyone, never had a close group of friends, never went to parties that weren’t formals, etc., while she feels a little childish about it, she does envy ‘normal’ and understands the pressure she’s lived under her entire life has caused damage-- she has been exploited for her abilities, there’s just not much she can do about it but to keep going, rlly.

5. Freaks - Surf Curse don't kill me / just help me run away from everyone i need a place to stay / where i can cover up my face don't cry / i am just a freak / i am just a freak UhhhHHH this song really makes me think of Oliver Collins :D;; thank TikTok for showing it to me. It makes me think of how scared he was, of both the world and the revenants who captured him. The song’s use of the word ‘parasites’ really makes me think of Revenants and the BOR parasites XD I’m hoping when I poke my video editor again, I can record some Oliver footage to make a short video to this song. Oliver deserves so much better, I wish you could save him, but that’s what AUs are for, hahah.... The second half of the lyrics make me think of the AU I have where he lives and has to grapple with the guilt of surviving and the things he did to other revenants to get by too.

6. All Eyes On Me - Bo Burnham you say the ocean’s rising / like i give a shit you say the whole world’s ending / honey it already did you’re not gonna slow it / heaven knows you tried got it? good / now get inside I haven’t seen the Netflix special yet but I’ve had this song on repeat since my move started. The lyrics hit too hard & resonate with my existential dread, covid exhaustion, and extreme burnout in my 20s, but bc I have Damage I can also relate it to CV ._. ‘you’re not gonna slow it, heaven knows you tried. got it? good now get inside’ makes me think of--;; the bad end route again, and Elizabeth’s desperation to keep her found family together. It’s not like her to completely stop caring about an issue, but in the moment she realizes what’s being taken from her? She doesn’t want to save all of revenant-kind if it means she’s going to wind up alone all over again, her world is effectively over if she’s forced to be alone again. The MC frenzying means the only immediately identifiable hope she had of saving everyone else is gone, so why not just go home? If they’re all doomed, she wants to at least be together for a little while longer, it’s fine if they use her blood to survive & everyone else in the mist is out of luck, it’s soul-crushing bc I’ve never had her in a situation where she’s been this reckless, despondent/hopeless, and thinking irrationally where it’d impact more than herself-- especially when she’s normally goal-oriented, organized, meticulous, so on so forth: she’s not one to act without thinking something through first, but that last breath of light just got sucker-punched out of her. All she wants is home, comfort, and family, and ultimately in the bad end route she does manage to preserve their lives, maintain the mist, and supply blood beads, but her own condition leaves her on the throne-- it’s a mix of the bad, neutral, and true ending rlly ldkfjdf BUT YEAH enough rambling on that :D;; This song’s really good and touches a lot of different thoughts and ideas both in real life and my ocs, kind of embarrassing--;; thank u bo burnham for ruining me with this beautiful song

7. Yellow - Coldplay look at the stars / look how they shine for you / and everything you do your skin / oh yeah, your skin and bones / turn in to something beautiful do you know / for you I'd bleed myself dry Does this song make me think about JackEva? Yes. Yes it does. Star / night sky symbolism? Bam. Sappy lyrics about love and finding the person you’re with absolutely mesmerizing and worth dying for? BAM. If JackEva were capable of using their own blood to save each other, I can see it-- hJNGn they just care about each other so much, Jack cries for her even though they both knew that eventually one of them would succumb to their duty, and if the roles were reversed I can see Eva doing the same, I adore them beyond human language. On my CV RP blog, my Jack’s not shippable bc-- Eva, my friend even have them looking after his nephew (an oc--) at one point. I should seriously drop some headcanons down eventually....

8. Louder Than Thunder - The Devil Wears Prada are we meant to be empty-handed? / i know i could, i could be better i don't think i deserve it / selflessness, find your way into my heart all stars could be brighter / all hearts could be warmer

LMFAO throwback to my middle school playlist, I’m old-- I’ve applied this song to a lot of things back in the day, but I really connect it to Loubeth now, especially Louis. Lou & Bethy are both functional idiots who are too hard on themselves & have trouble recognizing their worth beyond what they can do for others. They’re trying to be better-- to make up for what they perceived wrongs they’ve done, but it’s hard, they don’t believe they’re worthy of the love and support the other gives, but they still yearn for that sense of security. After Louis’ memories are returned, he finally understands the guilt he’s felt since he became a revenant and it really skews his self-perception; he blames himself for so many things & Elizabeth, who has always been able to kill when necessary, sets it straight-- “It’s not your fault”, and it takes Louis some time to properly absorb that message. He thinks she’s just trying to comfort him, which she is tbh, but she’s not wrong: “It’s not your fault you couldn’t kill someone. It was never your job to kill anyone.” It’s up to people like her to do those sort of things-- Elizabeth may not have been present when Cruz frenzied, but if she had been? It would have been over before it started, that’s something she has regrets over, even if nothing could have been done since she was already on the field. Actually, she’s actually really quite angry that security failed to monitor Cruz properly and has a few select words for the ones there who could have actually done something before it got out of hand-- civilians and doctors are exempt from her shtlist bc they’re not meant to be killers (so don’t worry Artorias, she’s not ready to bite your head off!), but they had to have some kinda security detail rite o-q??? They’re probably hiding from her wrath-- BUT ANYWAY, she insists she’ll never blame Louis for not being able to do something as serious as killing another person. He was a normal human being who cared about his friend, not a failure, and he couldn’t have been expected to do something that shouldn’t have fallen on his shoulders in the first place. As many times as it takes, she’ll reaffirm that it wasn’t his fault, she’s not angry, he’s always done his best and her opinion of him hasn’t changed. He’s a good person and she loves him through all the hurt, though she doesn’t drop the word ‘love’ for a long time. It just-- takes Louis a while to accept she views him as someone worthy of the love and respect she has for him. It’s kind of ironic she’s so adamant on Louis not blaming himself considering she’s the one privately blaming herself for-- wow there’s too much to unpack, she feels guilty she was even born?? im so broken over these two. I love them and yet they SUFFER...

9. What I’ve Done - Linkin Park i'll face myself / to cross out what i’ve become erase myself / and let go of what i’ve done today this ends / i'm forgiving what i’ve done

I have Louis Amamiya brainrot and I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks that this song fits him super well & it needs to become an AMV dsjfkldsfd. I’m a near life-long Linkin Park fan and this fits with Lou so well thematically. As much as I’ve gone on about Louis’ guilt, he does steel himself to keep going forward in spite of it and make things right, for everyone. Maybe it wasn’t really his fault, but at the end of the day his inability to kill Cruz in that moment left a disaster in its wake that got a countless number of people killed-- the MC included with Karen and Aurora. He doesn’t want to run away from the truth, doesn’t want to make excuses, he wants to take responsibility for it and he’ll work himself to death if it means things will be better-- it’s both admirable he’s got a strong resolve and VERY concerning with how willing he is to die for the cause, please don’t overdo it, Lou, you’ll break mine and Bethy’s hearts ._.;; It won’t always be easy, there are moments the grief gnaws at him, but in the end he does overcome it (and uh. as in the bad ending, we know he can actually do it this time). I know we can’t see everything, but I would have loved deeper character interactions, especially with Louis with an emphasis on grieving + forgiving himself properly-- but this song really is nice with the whole ‘I’m going to face my mistakes head on, forgive myself, and keep moving forward’. It’s what Louis deserves: self forgiveness and a damn break ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

10. Call of Silence - Hiroyuki Sawano you will know you're reborn tonight / must be rough but i’ll stay by your side even if my body's bleached to the bones / i don't want go through that ever again so cry no more / oh my beloved ngl idk if those are the correct lyrics, buuuuuuut....... im a weenie and am internally weeping abt loubeth after midnight, what else is new lmfao- i’ll at least try to be brief :D I also used to really like Attack on Titan when I was in high school, I dropped the anime years ago because I was waiting for s2 and never got back to it once it started airing again, I thought I’d finish it once the anime was complete since I eventually caught up with the manga, such a good series BUT ANYWAY-- I think it’s a really pretty song and Loubeth fit with the tender lyrics. IT’S LATE, idk what to say about them other than what I’ve said already dsklfjdslf im sorry I really ramble a LOT and I’ve been so busy lately I haven’t had the chance to >w>;;

#i do not know how 2 b quiet #long post #personal text #yellowcrumpet

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