#oh god i just remembered i gave the user name to this blog to someone i know irl

[serasfanfiction]

Cw for blood. No gore, tho. Cw in tags as well. Mostly Alastor being Alastor.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

If Lucifer didn't know any better, he would have sworn Alastor was going out of his way to make certain they ran into each other.

He seemed to be everywhere.

It didn't help that whatever he was doing, Alastor had seemingly decided to pull out all the stops. Horrifically enough, he was good at just being there, right as Lucifer would turn around, watching and waiting as if to see how long it would take the little king to notice him.

(And if he had damn near shrieked the first time it had happened? Well, no one else was around, so who would hold him to it?)

After a week of this, Lucifer was starting to feel twitchy. It was difficult to tell if he was actually sensing eyes on him like a second skin or if he was just being paranoid. The only place he felt any relief was in his own room, which he might have taken to hiding in when it all became too much.

It felt like being stalked. Like he was being hunted.

Lucifer growled to himself, frustrated he had been driven to such drastic measures. Yes, he could totally stand up for himself! He was significantly more powerful than that petty little sinner! He just really, really didn't want to deal with all of this. There was a reason he avoided senseless drama.

He groaned, throwing off his covers and forcing himself out of bed. Enough, he thought to himself. This had gone on far too long and it was past time he and a certain Radio Demon had a little chat.

He donned his suit, building up his armor like he was going to war. Which, he supposed, he sort of was. He settled his hat in place and grabbed his cane, aware he was doing all of this over a lowly sinner, Overlord or not, but he felt the uncontrollable urge to remind Alastor which of them was actually the King of Hell and which of them wasn't.

He was self aware enough to appreciate that if this really was just a matter of the Ruler of Hell putting a sinner in his place he wouldn't have needed to have put on his uniform, but Alastor had gotten under his skin and everyone already knew it.

There was no point in looking for Alastor. Based off of previous behavior, the red head would simply come to him.

Lucifer deliberately kept to public enough areas to invite company, while still being private enough that Alastor would be tempted to sneak up on him.

And Alastor did not disappoint.

Lucifer spotted him out of the corner of his eye while getting lunch. Triumphant, he spun around and pointed an accusing finger. "You!"

Alastor's ever present smile ticked ever-so-slightly wider, but it wasn't showing teeth yet. "And how can I help you today, your Majesty?"

"We need to talk," Lucifer stated, tone brokering no disagreements. Not that the other Hellion was protesting. "Now."

Alastor tilted his head to the side at just the right angle to be unnerving, hands folding behind his back. "Are you actually going to talk to me or are you going to run away again?"

Lucifer allowed himself a deep, calming breathe. Allowed Alastor to see it. The released exhale was hot enough for a whisp of smoke to escape.

There was still no teeth, but it seemed like it was only barely.

"We both know the only reason I've tolerated your behavior is because I promised not to fight with you."

Alastor raised on eyebrow, asking without verbalizing it as to if this wasn't a potential fight.

Lucifer crossed his arms to keep from wrapping his hands around that scrawny little neck. "And I want to keep my promise, but to do that, we need to get whatever you've been going through this last week out of your system."

Alastor laughed, false and mocking. "Ha! I assure you, I have no idea what you mean."

The blonde refused to rise to the bait. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way, but we are doing this." He smiled, tone generous as he added, "I'll even be nice and let you chose if we're having this talk in your room or mine."

Alastor considered him, body language giving away nothing. "You'd give the familiar ground to a potential enemy?"

Lucifer waved a hand at the room in general. "One could argue anywhere in Hell is my territory." He hummed lightly. "But in all honesty, even if your room - the one I built for you - could be considered enemy ground," here he leaned in to make his point, "There's nothing you could do to seriously harm me if I don't let you."

There it was again: the flicker of the dials. It was written all over him that Alastor wanted nothing more than to take that as a challenge and to put that theory to the test.

Lucifer welcomed him to try if it meant they could move on from this - whatever this was. Because that statement wasn't a theory, it was a fact.

Alastor reigned himself back in until not even a hint remained of his control slipping. "My room, if you don't mind. Shall we go?" He held out a hand, gesturing for Lucifer to take the lead.

Which, nope. He was not turning his back on this guy at this point in the game.

With a snap of his fingers, red smoke wrapped itself around them. It was showy and unnecessary, but it was worth it for the way a brief spasm of panic tightened Alastor's smile at just how easily Lucifer could just straight up kidnap him if he wanted to.

Which was good. Let him chew on that tidbit for a while.

They reappeared in the Radio Demon's quarters. The basics had been done per what Vaggie (with a V!) had been able to remember, as she was the only member of the hotel who'd seen Alastor's room. They'd left his personal touches to him, but an honest effort had been put into rebuilding the structure of it.

Glancing off to his right, Lucifer could see that Alastor had rather impressively bent reality (like the elderich creature he was) to morph half of the room into what appeared to be a bayou. It gave the impression that the room was significantly larger than it was. The residue of the magic it took to pull off such a stunt made his teeth itch, the same kind of wrongness the original bar had had.

Various other personal effects had worked their ways around the room. Some of the more interesting ones were the array of trophy skulls, both human and animal, decorating the walls. He had little doubt that Alastor had hunted, skinned, and mounted every one of them himself. The only real question was if they were original to the room pre the hotel's destruction? Or were they... newer?

By the time he turned his attention back to the owner of the room, said owner had had more than enough time to regain his composure. Lucifer was a little sorry he'd allowed Alastor the break, but he did genuinely want to resolve whatever the hell was going on between them. Being stern when needed was fine, but he didn't want to push Alastor so hard he snapped unless he had to.

Lucifer tapped the fingers of his predominant hand against his arm, all weight on one foot and ready to start tapping the other if necessary. He gave Alastor an expectant look. "Well?"

Alastor was nothing if not up for a fight. He may have been knocked off balance, but he was clearly up to being ornery as pay back. With an air of boredom, he inspected his claws, as if looking for nonexistent dirt. "Well, what, my dear king?"

Lucifers fingers didn't pause. "Don't play coy, it doesn't look good on you." He was pleased with the narrowed eyes he got in response. "What has this last week been about? You've been acting weird." Lucfier waved a hand in Alastor's general direction. Added, "Well, weird for you."

Alastor's irritation smoothed out at the implication that Lucifer paid enough attention to him to have come to some conclusion about what might constitute as 'weird behavior.' He hummed lightly, the noise oddly soothing in a way. "Very well, if you must insist. Just don't get angery if you don't like the answer."

Lucifer frowned. Angry? About what?

All thoughts were cut off as Alastor melted away into his shadows (and when the heck had his shadow gotten that close? He hadn't even seen it move). The thought crossed Lucifer's mind that he should have warded the room to keep the sinner from leaving, but ultimately, he needn't have worried.

Well, about Alastor trying to run away.

Because he really should have known better.

He realized where Alastor had gone, just as he could hear the unmistakable sound of someone taking a deep breathe right in his ear.

Lucifer could feel every single one of the hairs on the back of his neck standing on end as that breathe was exhaled against his neck, sweat breaking out across his skin as a shiver ran through his body. The only reason he didn't yelp was because he was too busy choking on his own tongue.

Dignity be damned, the King of Hell nearly teleported across the room, hand slapping up against his neck. Eyes widen in horror, he brandished his cane like a rod. "Wha-- what in the seven rings of Hell was that!?"

Alastor watched him like a cat watches a mouse it's having fun playing with. "You asked what had gotten into me." He folded his hands behind his back, as if he hadn't just been sniffing the Devil himself. "That was... curiosity."

Lucifer stared at him incredulously. "Curiosity?" He laughed, a little forced as he tried to reign in his too-fast heartbeat. "If you were curious how I smelled, you could have just asked."

Alastor raised an eyebrow to that and Lucifer belatedly realized he'd just implied all someone potentially had to do was ask to smell him and he might let them do it.

Lucifer flushed but refused to correct his statement.

"Hm, how quaint." Alastor leaned in eye so slightly, just to see Lucifer unconsciously lean back. "Rest assured, it isn't quite so simple."

A pause lulled between them as the blond waited for the rest of the explanation. When he failed to receive one, he waved a hand impatiently for the red head to get on with it.

Alastor turned enough he could look out into his bayou without completely losing track of his guest. The motion drew Lucifer's attention to the area, although he didn't dare take his eyes off the serial killer.

"Has anyone told you what my dish of choice is?"

The question confused Lucifer and his impatience made him feel irritated by what felt like a non-sequitur in the conversation. He'd heard Alastor was a cannibal, so he assumed it was other sinners. "What does that have to do with anything?"

Alastor rolled his eyes, gesturing out into the bayou.

As if on cue, a tree branch snapped closer to the edge of the trees in the distance. Lucifers eyes snapped to whatever had made the noise, making eye contact with ...a deer?

Lucifer stared, that feeling of being hunted roiling over him as it dawned on him what had happened. He didn't have to look at the Radio Demon to know he was watching him like a predator watches his prey.

Lucifer swallowed, hard. "I... I don't know what you..."

There was no mercy, no quarter in Alastor's eyes as he near stalked over to the Devil. His smile was all teeth as he ran a finger along the brim of Lucifer's hat. "When I saw those ears, I was curious if you would still taste like an angel or if you might taste like something more to my ...preferences."

Lucifer was fairly certain his brain was short circuiting. Some wire must have gotten crossed, because what came out of his mouth wasn't 'you're a freak,' it was:

"If you got your taste, you'll back off?"

The two stared at each other, Lucifer unsure who was more surprised by the question.

Alastor's grin was every inch as wicked as everyone only thought the actual Devil was but really wasn't. "Are you offering a deal?" The hand he'd used to near caress Lucifer's hat fell into the offer of a hand shake.

It was Lucifer's turn to roll his eyes. He shook his head vigorously. "Nope! No deals!" He glared, slapping the hand aside. "You'll likely find some wiggle room no sane person would think to look for and I am not interested in being on the menu indefinitely."

Alastor didn't even bother to look contrite. He simply looked disappointed. Since the offer wasn't on the table, he withdrew his hand and straightened his posture. "Then what are you proposing?"

Yes, self, Lucifer thought, what are we proposing? He felt like he'd lost all direction in this conversation because he had no clue how his day had gone from 'put Alastor in his place' to 'let's let an actual cannibal bite us.'

Lucifer grasped for the last shreds of his dignity, realizing that he might have finally found something that ranked high enough to be added to the Top 5 Insane Things I've Done For My Kid list. It didn't stop the ever-so-slight tremor from creeping in, even as he tried for stern, as he offered, "I'll bring back the deer attributes, you get to satify your curiosity, and then we go back to whatever our usual is."

Alastor's eyes narrowed. "To be clear: I get to draw blood and you won't retaliate?"

There was no official deal, but it still felt like they were making one. "Yeah." Lucifer shifted, trying to shake off the last of his nerves and at least seem like he was confident. He was still absolutely sure Alastor couldn't deal him damage faster that he could heal from it, but his nerves didn't want to settle. "You get a freebie, no punishment or retaliation, in exchange for returning to the status quo."

Alastor's teeth sharpened visibly, the room growing darker around them.

"Deal."

Still feeling like this was going to come back and bite him in the ass - or, well, neck or arm, if one was being literal - at some point in the future, Lucifer made his way over to one of the chairs near the room's fireplace. He set his hat down on the seat, before pulling off his coat. He had a feeling this was going to be messy. Neck wounds often were, and he had a feeling Alastor wouldn't be satisfied with being offered anything else. He regretted the amount of layers he'd dressed in, even as he used untying his bow tie and unbuttoning the first several buttons of his shirt as a desperately needed delay tactic to simply breathe through what he was about to do.

Judging by the indulgence he could almost hear coming from Alastor's spot in the room, he held no such disillusions as to if the red head knew that he was stalling.

Taking a deep, steadying breathe, he pulled the shift over himself, falling deeper into it than he had during the trust exercise. Blond ears flicked into existence around small antlers on his head. Goat hooves morphed subtly into deer ones. A fluffy, equally blond tail twitched slightly at the base of his spine, in mirror of his anxiety.

Burrowing it all down, down, down, Lucifer gripped the edge of his shirt, yanking it down as he spun around, finally allowing a grin fit for his reputation to spread across his face from ear to ear. Tilting his head to the side in invitation, he asked, "Well, Alastor? What are you waiting for?"

Alastor control snapped with an audible static screech. Moving across the room with a speed that had kept him alive during his fight with Adam, Alastor near pounced onto his prize. The force of their collision sent them toppling to the floor, Lucifer's head just barely missing the seat of the chair. The impact with the ground drove the air from his lungs, and Lucifer didn't have the chance to even attempt to recover as he felt razor-sharp teeth sink into the tender flesh of his throat.

Lucifer's body spasmed as it attempted to draw in air, lungs needing a second to remember how to work and he was startled by the pain of attack despite knowing it was coming. He was finally able to draw a desperately needed gasp in as those teeth withdrew. Lucifer could feel it even without seeing the damage that of course Alastor had gone deep. It was definitely going to take him a hot second for it to heal, but heal it already was.

The Radio Demon, seeming to realize this, sunk his teeth in again. Lucifer's hands flew up to grab onto Alastor's arms at the new wave of agony coursed through him, squirming as he resisted the urge to shove the larger figure off of him. He bit his lip hard enough to draw blood himself as he braced himself for Alastor taking his pound of flesh.

There was a creak, like bone grating against each other. Alastor shifted, teeth unmoving as he moved. As he made himself more comfortable, Lucifer realized as the shock of it finally began to abate and adrenaline flooded his system in response to the trauma. He had to swallow down the urge to laugh, knowing it would be more hysterics than actual humor.

He grunted as those teeth withdrew, surprisingly without taking a chunk of his neck with it. He was confused until he felt a warm, wet tongue slide over the wounds, chasing blood the color of gold regardless of what form the seraphim donned. Without meaning to, Lucifer flinched at the odd sensation. It was not quite pain, but not quite soothing.

As the pain began to recede, Alastor seemingly merely content to fill himself up with one of the rarest delicacies in Hell, Lucifer was able to take stock of his body. The bruises along his back from his fall were already healing almost as fast as they appeared. The deer tail, smaller and thicker than his normal, whip cord one, protested being squished the way it was. His ears twitched as they followed every noise Alastor made, the sensation odd.

Since this appeared it was going to take a moment, unless Alastor decided to go for his throat with his teeth again, he decided to try and relieve his poor tail to distract himself from the fact that it felt like there was a tongue digging into one of the still open wounds.

Alastor's own ears twitched as the shifting of Lucifer's hips caused the sound of clothes rustling to sound through the room like a shot. Lucifer was tempted to reach up and pet one, but that would have moved all of this into territory far too close to something intimate, which this very much wasn't, thank you very much.

When the pain finally disapaited, the lapping of that insidious tongue moving from stinging to something far too close to ticklish for comfort, Lucifer decided he'd had enough. "Alright, I think you've had enough."

He was far too proud of the fact that his voice didn't shake.

Much.

His fingers dug into red sleeves as he could feel Alastor's smile brush up against the base of his ear.

"And if I haven't satisfied my curiosity?"

Oh, no. Absolutely not.

"Nope, you're done." Lucifer bucked, shoving off the grinning asshole, who went with all the grace of someone who'd gotten thier cake and ate it, too. Lucifer sat up, glaring as Alastor looked barely rumbled while he knew he himself looked like a mess.

"There, you've gotten your taste. Agreement upheld." Lucifer pulled back up his shirt, wincing at how much blood had soaked into it.

"Hmm, perhaps." Alastor placed a finger to his lips, eyes half lidded.

Something about the way it was said raised Lucifer's hackles.

Alastor merely stared back, not adding anything to his comment.

Right. Okay. Whatever.

Lucifer stood slowly in an attempt to hide the way his legs trembled. Once he felt stable, he began putting his facade back together. Buttons all buttoned up. Blood vanished with a mere wave of his hand (to Alastor's obvious disappointment).

He was slipping on his coat when Alastor rose to his own feet. Lucifer felt it was massively unfair that all it took was some minor adjustments, and the Radio Demon looked as put together as normal.

(Almost, an insidious voice whispered in the back of Lucifer's mind. Look closer, and he could see the little ways in which Alastor was affected. The slight flush to his cheeks of a successful hunt. Unhinged smile replaced with something more peaceful. The satiated hint of hunger quenched for the first time since they'd met.

This way lays trouble.)

But Lucifer shook it off, just like he shook off the foreboding feeling of Alastor holding the Crown of Hell.

He was already in too deep.

He slipped his hat on, letting the deer attributes he'd donned finally disappear. "Well, see you around, I guess."

Alastor hummed in agreement. For his own sanity, Lucifer refused to read into it any deeper.

And if his portalling out of the room was straight up turning tail and running?

Well, it wasn't like it was the first time he'd done it that month.

Tbc

Part 4

#radioapple #alastor #lucifer morningstar #deer lucifer fic #tw: blood #cw: blood #i have no idea what theyre doing at this point #im just the writer #know i said that before but its still true #theyll probably let me know what the hecks happening #right as im trying to sleep #like they did this time 🥲 #oh god i just remembered i gave the user name to this blog to someone i know irl #whelp too late to turn back now 🙃

[cruecifymesixx]

Love and Leather /part eighty nine/

Word Count: 4.9k

A/N: Hi! Enjoy the update!

Warnings:major angst

Taglist:   , @miserablecunt , @dangerous-like-a-loaded-pistol, ,  @a-simple-salmon,  @hi-my-name-is-riley, @extremesadnerding, @thatbandchick39, @awkwrdcait, @countrygirlswonderland, @awesomealmostdopestudent, ,  @krazykatkay456, @terror-triplet, @shouttatthedevill-blog @beachystars, @rodriguez025, @kickstart-myheart-sixx, @s-outhie, @anxious-diabetic, @awkwardblackgirls-blog,  @shamelessobsessions, @jerseytaint, , @criminalyetminimal, @motley-queen, @trapt-in-a-dream,  @broke-n-bitchy​,  @lovesick-heart0, @keepcalm-and-beyou, @miriampraez, @teenwolflover28, @lilyhw1, @herbertweeest, @random-internet-user-4471, @falcon-arrows, @talranocchia2001,  @waywardprincess666, @iluvmesomemarvelndc, @vamprlestat, @supersoldierballerina, @electradestiny, @marshbev, @n0-sh0rtage-0f-faults, @cruebaby, @ggorehorror, @valentines-in-london, @nassauartist  @cmft-jr-winchester, @bokkie92, @notworthyofyou1120 @xrosegoldwolfx, @mgkobsessed, @chaoticvybe,  @kellysimagines @thoughtsoftheantagonist @marvelismylifffe, @sleepyjunhong  @meetthesixxter @sparxx27 @gingerspicetalks @kaitieskidmore1 @unknownoblivion @nevergoodenuffbutokaaayyy @sublimeprincesswasteland @kylieinwonderland @haileynicoleseavey17 @lavendersoundbarrier @xxisxxisxxis, @dogmom2014, @cruesixxlover1991,  @m0rnlngstar,  @findingmyths,  @i-want-to-shoot-myself, @arianareirg, @fentitrbl, @patheticgay69 , @redlipscrystalskies14, @samanthadegaro @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @thechangingme, , @makaelahdelvalle

*Nikki’s POV*

I sighed heavily through my nostrils, resting my head against the couch as I sucked on a hard piece of watermelon flavored candy. Dr. Peterson left a few very persistent voicemails on my phone as well as pages on my pager, attempting to get me to come to the therapy office. Reluctantly I agreed, but I wish I didn’t as I assumed Vanity would be here too, however she’s not.

“Hey Doc…” I speak lightly when she walks in, sitting directly across from me in the leather chair as she crosses one knee over the other.

“Thank you for coming in Nikki, I’m sure you are a very busy man.” She eyes the handful of empty candy wrappers on the oak coffee table, “It’s new candy, I just put it there today…and looks like I have to add more.” She smiles as she jokes.

“I like the strawberry ones better…and it’s okay, I wasn’t super busy today. Sorry for taking long to get back to you.” I sit up more in the chair as she opens up her folder and takes out the good ‘ol notepad.

“So how���ve you been? Anything new?”

I shake my head, “I’m okay, just been busy. We finally wrapped up the album, then we do some promoting and then we hit the road for tour.”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that it’s hectic and time consuming. Have you taken anytime for yourself to relax recently?”

My lips pull into a small grin, “Is this where you poke my brain and tell me I’m putting myself into work too much?”

Crystal chuckles a bit, “Do you think you’re putting too much of yourself into work?”

“It’s my job? I kinda don’t have a choice. Not like anyone else is writing songs, well good ones for that matter.”

She nods, “So you’re the one in charge? excuse my ignorance, I don’t really follow your music. I’m sure that’s stressful having everyone depend on you. Do you deal with stress well?”

I shrugged, “I don’t have to write all the songs, it just happens that way.” I chuckle a bit under my breath, “Too loud for you? I mean, yeah it’s stressful. I used to go out and get high, but then that overtook everything. Now I just work out or take my camera out or write more songs to relax.”

“Just not my cup of tea, Nikki. Have you done any of that recently? Vanity mentioned shopping helps her relax.”

I roll my eyes and laugh, “Anything that revolves around spending money sounds good to her. And no, I haven’t had the time. Stuck at rehearsal with the band and when I’m not at rehearsal I’m hanging out with the band at a bar.” I stare when she writes something down, “Taking notes already?”

She glances at me, “I do it with everyone, you know that. So you only hang out with the guys? The same guys you’re around all day? You never really escape work, do you?”

“Well…I mean no…but I have fun when I’m with them. Tommy and I are like practically married and Mick is fun and John is cool too. I see Tommy constantly cause Van and Clementine are best friends. Sometimes it’s a little much. At times I just want to take a break but I know I can’t because it’s my music and it keeps the nice things flowing and Arianna’s school.” I explain to her, “I mean…I would have enough to take a break for a long time but still…I don’t want too.”

“Tommy, right…Vanitys mentioned him a few times, same with Clementine. But why are you so worried about money? Vanity has money does she not?”

“Yeah…god mother of the year.” I roll my eyes, “Yeah, yeah…Van has plenty of money for her, she’s a great mom. I missed out on a lot the first few years of Arianna’s life so I just want to make up for that.”

“Well…as you know, everything you missed could have been prevented. Kids don’t remember a lot from their childhood anyways, with the exception of a severe traumatic even happening. They usually won’t start remembering moments until the ages of 7 and 8.”

I glare a bit, “I don’t need to be told the same thing I already know. If I had kept my dick in my pants I wouldn’t have missed anything, I know.” I lean forward reaching for another piece of candy and shoving it in my mouth.

“Theres no reason to jump to the defense Nikki. We’re just talking.” I would think she was being condescending if she wasn’t a damn therapist.

“Right-“ I roll my eyes, “Talking? You’re blaming me for it.”

“Well who is to blame them? Vanity? You’d be surprised to know she never wants to talk about this.”

“Wait-no, no. You’re twisting my words. No, it’s not her fault, it’s mine. But still, she could have called or retuned my letter letting me know.” I defend myself as she looks at me.

“Nikki, we can spend all day talking about the things Vanity, should’ve or could’ve done differently. We can talk for hours about how things were suppose to go differently.”

“Then why the hell did you bother me? What could you possibly want to talk about if it’s not that?”

“How are the dates going? Let’s start there.”

I stare at her a moment, rubbing my knees as I take a breath, “I don’t know…Donna, she’s great but she’s just…she’s just not Vanity.” I look away feeling disappointed, not because it wasn’t working, but in myself. That it took me seeing someone else to figure out what I wanted, “Donna’s hot and funny, well tries to be funny. But she hangs on to every word I say, thinks I’m right about everything, doesn’t ever disagree with me…it’s…it’s boring. I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve been with Vanity for so long, that nobody else can compare or what. But I just…it’s not working. Donna’s too clingy anyways.”

“Really?” Crystal sounds surprised, “You were so vocal about seeing other people.”

“Well…I wasn’t excited about it. I did it because I thought thats what Van wanted. I just wanted to help fix us. I would do anything for us, for her.” I sigh as I lean back against the cushion.

“You thought.” She pointed out, “You assumed and didn’t really ask what would have helped, did you?”

“Well…I-“ I stumble over my words before sighing, “No, I didn’t. I just took the first suggestion that was brought up. I wanted to get out of the office before I was ganged up on.”

Crystal chuckles, “Nobody thought about ganging up on you Nikki. You just don’t like when you aren’t in control, that is both of your issues.”

“I don’t have control issues.” I glance at Crystal as she stares at me, “What? I don’t.”

“Yes you do, wether you like to admit it or not. You mentioned earlier it’s always you writing songs because nobody else will do it.” She says, using air quotes might I add as I glare in return, “I’m sure they would if you backed off and gave them a chance.”

“I just like to make sure things are perfect, there’s nothing wrong with that. Mick isn’t interested and Tommy wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“Nikki, maybe if you gave them a chance they would shine and pressure would be taken off your shoulders. Nothing has to be perfect, there’s no such thing as that.”

I roll my eyes, “Okay, so maybe I have a slight control problem but this, the band, has been the only thing in my life I actually have control over.”

“And the other parts you don’t? Can you tell me about it?”

I groan in annoyance, “Oh come on. I’m sure Vanity has mentioned a thing or two about me. I’m sure she’s told you all about the reason why I’m fucked up is because of my childhood.” I reach for a candy disk, unwrapping it before popping it into my mouth.

“The subject has came up once or twice but Vanity never dived deep, she said it wasn’t her place to talk about it. Do you want to talk about it?” She asks softly, like how every other therapist in the past has done.

“No, not really. But I just moved around a lot as a kid…”

“Oh, well I’m sure that had an affect on you. Always being the new kid and what not. Are you parents still together? They must be so proud of you.”

I laughed, probably a little too loud “God no. My dad split when I was a kid and my mom and I don’t talk, at all. Every time we do it explodes into something bigger.”

“I’m sorry for that, I’m sure it was hard without a dad in the picture. So your mom raised you?”

Again, I laugh, “Here and there when she wanted me. Half the time I’d be with my grandparents.”

She glances at me, “Is this why you’re so scared of failing as a father?”

I stare at her a moment, “I’m not like my dad. I didn’t just abandon the girls. I begged her to move here so we could be a family.”

“So…they had to uproot the life Vanity had built for them in New York to make you comfortable? Which is essentially what you had to do every time you moved as a child?”

I shake my head “You’re twisting my words. I just wanted them close. Vanity hated New York, she basically stayed for Clementine.”

Crystal shakes her head, “Are you assuming she hated it because she told me she loved it there.”

I chuckle l, “Loved it? Of course she loved it! She was nose deep in fucking coke when I got there.”

“And that’s a problem she’s been working on has she not?”

I sigh, “Yeah, yeah. And I’m proud of her. I know it’s not easy. But I’m not like my parents alright? I’m not just leaving Arianna high and dry nor am I leaving her alone in a run down fucking house okay?”

Crystal looks at me, her head slightly turning to the side, “If you know that, then why are you so worried about messing up? You sound like such a great dad Nikki, from what Vanity tells me. That little girl is lucky to have you.”

I exhale deeply as I nod a bit and lean back against the chair, “Because something always happens…”

“If you spend all your time waiting for bad things to happen you’ll miss out on everything life has for you. Can you give me an example of something happening?”

“I don’t know…I could relapse, Vanity could relapse. We could break up, she could fall in love with someone else and leave me…” I mumble the last part “..and I don’t want her to leave me.”

“You both work hard on your sobriety right? Then what is the worry?” Crystal looks at me, taking off her glasses as she leans forward a bit, “I think you need to spend less time worrying about her being with someone else and only worry about her being with you. Like I said earlier Nikki, we can spend all day talking about the what if’s but it doesn’t help anything or anybody in the long run.”

I frown a bit, “I guess you’re right…it doesn’t do me any good, just drives my anxiety up the wall.”

She smiles a bit, “See…I knew I could get through to you. Is there anything else you want to discuss? You said the dates you’re going on aren’t fulfilling?”

I nod, “Yeah they aren’t. I’d rather be at home with the girls.”

“So…now I’m gonna assume you and Vanity are going to sit down and talk? If this is how you’re feeling, plus with how she feels..”

“I want this to work with her. I need it to work. I can’t picture myself with anyone but her. I hated my ex wife because she wasn’t Van. I just forced myself to pretend that I tolerated her, let alone love her.”

“Then I think you two need to sit down and discuss what you both want from each other and what it will take to make it work. You can’t always blame your issues on your childhood, just like she can’t blame everything on her temper and how she reacts to stressful situations.”

I laugh under my breath and grin “Yeah, she does get mad at the slightest thing.”

She cracks a smile and nods, “That she does. But just like you, Vanity also needs the control. I think you two need to find a solid ground and share it evenly, 50/50. Not 25/75 or 60/40. But right down the middle.”

“And what if we can’t?”

“Nikki.” I sigh and let my shoulders fall back, “As long as you two actually talk about your problems instead of holding onto the anger and grudges. I think both of you also need to learn how to let certain things go.”

“Like the cheating?” I look at her, “She throws that in my face any chance she gets. I just don’t know how many times I can say sorry for it.”

Crystal nods, “I understand Nikki, I do. But put yourself in Vanity’s shoes okay? It’s a traumatic situation for anyone. Just think if the tables were turned. How would you feel? How would you’ve reacted? I believe what bothers her is the principal of it, if you being with someone else. She didn’t want to see it, just like mentioned earlier, you don’t want to see her with another man.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll work on being understanding and sharing control. I need to be home more, hopefully after this album I can take a break for a while and we can get to know each other again.”

“It’s not a bad thing to get to know one another again, you aren’t kids anymore.”

*Vanity’s POV*

“It’s okay Ari! Just brush it off and keep going!” I yell, cupping my hands around my mouth as I sit back down on the folding chair. I wince when I see Arianna trip over the soccer ball again and get a mouth full of dirt, “You’re doing great, sweetie!” I give her a smile when she looks over, glaring as she brushes the dirt off her knees.

“Come on Van, she can barely kick the ball without eating shit. Maybe soccer isn’t for her.” Nikki states, flicking a peanut shell at me. I glance down, seeing him laying on his side on the blanket, “We could try gymnastics. Or cheerleading.” He points in the direction of coaches surrounding a little league team.

I sigh as I slump back in the chair, groaning when Arianna falls again, “It’s only the first day of practice, Nikki. She’ll get the hang of it.”

“Or she’ll get kicked off the team.” Nikki laughs before sitting up and leaning against my leg, “However, it is pretty entertaining to watch.”

I roll my eyes and tap the back of his head, “She has to start somewhere, she can’t just be great over night. I know it took you some time to get good at bass playing.” I smirk a bit as he tilts his head back to look at me.

“Don’t go there. She clearly has no coordination at all and she’s kicking way to hard at the ball and that’s why she keeps falling.” He shakes his head when Arianna kicks the ball and hits another kid in the gut, “See? And she’s being a ball hog.”

“A ball hog? Maybe you need to coach this team instead, Sixx.”

“Well I do look good in stripes.” He laughs but it quickly stops when his phone starts ringing. I watch him dig it out of his pocket as he shakes his head and shoves it back in his jeans.

“If it’s a work call then take it.”

“No, no it’s fine. It’s just Donna, she can wait till later.” He tells me, glancing in my direction as we look at each other for a moment. I watch as he scratches the back of his neck before he looks back at the field, mumbling something under his breath.

I chuckle to myself when his phone starts ringing once more, he digs out of his pocket again before shoving it away, “I’m sure you wouldn’t want her upset with you since you’re ignoring her calls. It’s okay Nikki, you aren’t missing much, it’s just practice.” I explain to him as I see his back raise with a deep inhalation of a breath before he exhales.

“No. This is important, unlike making plans for another expensive restaurant or some stupid high end club.” Nikki spews out, I can hear the annoyed tone.

I clear my throat a bit, “Is everything okay with you..and her?” He side eyes me from the corner of his black shades as I see the corner of his mouth pull up a bit.

“Just...she’s...she’s just making it complicated. She’s asking for too much. Always wants to talk on the phone or hang out or meet up for coffee. She doesn’t grasp the idea of space. Donna wants to be a girlfriend and she’s not girlfriend material, at least not for me.” Nikki leans back on his hands, his legs stretched out on the blue and black flannel.

“Girlfriend material?” I question him as he turns his head to look at me.

“Yeah? You know...girlfriend material? She’s a great women but she couldn’t handle being with a rockstar. Grew up catholic and has all these beliefs that just make me want to gag. She’s hot but she can barely talk about anything other than the modeling and acting. I like someone that can at least tell me what they’re thinking at any given moment.” I feel him nudge my leg as he rests a dandelion on my knee, “I don’t know...it’s just fizzling out.”

I fumble with the yellow flower between my fingers as Nikki cheers for Arianna. My eyebrows pull together in confusion. He was just spending this whole past week with her so I wonder what could have changed. I was still thinking about everything Dr. Peterson had told me last week, I was nitpicking the pros and cons of the situation. Nikki had apologized the next day after our fight like always and then that turned into me being under him...like always. And then it was back to ignoring the problem.

“Hey Nik? Can we talk-“

“Mom! Mom! Did you see how good I’m doing?!”Arianna runs to me, exuberant as always before she’s taking the juice box Nikki hands to her.

“Of course baby! Daddy and I are so happy you’re enjoying it.” I smile at her, smoothing her hair back and wiping some dirt off the side of her cheek, “Just try to be careful okay? And let some of the other kids get the ball.”

She nods feverishly, “But coach Taylor said I’m doing a really good job!”

“And you are princess, but it’s a team sport. So you gotta let the others play with the ball too.” Nikki tells her as he ties the laces on her cleats and tucks them into her shoe, “Sixx’s always play as a team babe.”

“But Blackwoods know how to get the job done themselves.” I wink at her as she giggles and hands me her juice box, “Go finish and then we’ll grab some dinner and maybe ice cream.” Arianna nods before she gives me and Nikki a hug and runs off to the field again.

“So...how are you and Jon?” Nikki questions, almost uncomfortably as he glances at me for a split second.

I shrug, “He’s been busy with studio stuff so

I haven’t really talked to him that much. He calls every few days or so just to see how I’m doing.”

Nikki nods as he leans back on his elbows, “Oh…well that’s good at least…”

“Yeah, I guess?” I chuckle a bit and shake my head, “It’s not like you really care.” 

“Yes I do..” I glance when Nikki mumbles, picking blades of grass and flicking them away. I chuckle at his words and shake my head, my eyes going back to soccer practice.

“Yeah, okay Nikki.”

“I’m gonna go get a drink at the concession stand.” He mutters quietly, getting up as his bangs fall over his eyes. I glance at him as he shakes his head and runs his hands through his hair as he walks across the field. I look down, noticing the unopened bottle of Coca Cola from earlier.

*A few days later*

I took a deep breath in and exhaled as I paced nervously outside of Nikki’s office door. Why was talking about how we felt so scary for us? My heart was racing as I hear the light hum of bass strings being pulled. Nikki had came home from having lunch with Donna an hour ago and slammed every single door he went through, so I wasn’t sure what had happened. I said hi to him but he brushed me off and went straight up the stairs.

I crack my knuckles as I try to find the courage inside of me to knock on the door. I just wanted to talk and I figured with Arianna being at school still, it would be the best time to do so. Ya know, in case of it getting ugly.

My lips puff up as I exhale deeply, glancing at anarchy as she’s sprawled out on the floor watching me, “Wish me luck.” I knock on the mahogany door, not hearing any response to come in. I wait a second before reaching for the doorknob and slowly cracking it open, seeing him hunched over in the usual position when he plays his bass with headphones on. I watch him for a moment as he reaches for his journal and writes something down. He notices me through the reflection on the blank computer screen.

Nikki turns around in his chair as he takes off the headphones and smiles “Hey sorry. I just had an idea and I wanted to play it while I had it.”

“No, no it’s okay. I get it. I uh just wanted to talk but you’re busy so we can just talk later.” I stay by the door, gripping the handle as I swallow the lump in my throat.

Nikki stares at me for a moment “No, come sit.” He motions to the futon, “What’s going on?” He sounds concerned as he rolls his chair closer.

“Okay..” I mumble as I sit criss cross on the cushion as I hold the pillow in my lap, “I went and talked to our therapist the other day to get some things off my chest and now I want to talk to you about them.” I take a breath as I look at him, he looks as worried as I feel, “I-I just feel like we aren’t getting anywhere. That this-“ I motion between us “..isn’t going anywhere.”

“You think that?” I notice the slight frown playing on his lips “I took the advice the therapist gave, Van. I didn’t want too….is this about me locking you out? If it is I’m sorry, I was just messing around.”

“Yes, I think and feel that. Like we’re just not letting go and we’re trying to stay together for the sake of Arianna. No, no it’s not because you locked me out. I’ve been feeling like this for a while now..”

“Is that what you want? For this to be over?” Nikki stares at me as he gnaws on his bottom lip, “Are you breaking up with me?” It’s faint but I hear it and it makes my heart heavy.

“I-I I don’t know..”

“My dates with Donna haven’t been that fun, not like how they are with you.”

I smile a bit before it fades, “I just feel like it’s me that’s trying to save our relationship, or what little is left to save. I’m just confused Nikki.”

“What’s there to be confused about Van? You either want to be with me or you don’t.” I stare at him, I wish it was as simple as that but it’s not. 

“Do you wanna be with me?” I ask him as he chuckles a bit and rolls closer to me.

“Vanity, of course I want to be with you. You should already know the answer to that. It’s always going to be you every time.” I look away at the painting on the wall as he touches my knees, his thumb gently rubbing back and forth.

“I just feel like our relationship is one sided now. I told you from the start I didn’t want to do this, seeing other people. I vocalized how much I was against it and you still wanted to do it anyways.”

Nikki nods as he lets out a deep breath “I know, I know. I should have listened to what you were saying. It put an even bigger strain on our relationship. I broke things off with Donna today. She was just getting on my nerves. I was only going out with her because I saw how much fun you were having with Jon and how happy you looked. It made me jealous because the whole time I was miserable.”

“You didn’t seem like it..I don’t want to break up. I just wish it wasn’t so hard all the time. We aren’t kids anymore, it feels like how it did 10 years ago and I feel like it shouldn’t be. It should be easy for us by now. Do you think other couples have it this hard?”

Nikki chuckles as he gets off the chair and sits down next to me, “No baby, I don’t. Because not everyone is as complicated as you and me. What do you want from me Van? You want me to actually work on us instead of finding excuses not to?” I glance at him as he smiles at me.

“But that makes me feel like a bitch when you say it like that. I feel selfish. Do you want this?”

“Vanity, you may be a temperamental brat and a pain in my ass sometimes, but you aren’t selfish. You’re far from it.” He reaches for my hand as he brings it up to his lips “I want this. I want you and only you. We shouldn’t be doing this because of Arianna, we should be doing this because we love one another and cause we want this to work. I do love you Vanity.”

“I know you do and I love you too.” I feel him kiss my knuckles again as he’s gently pulling me closer and into his lap. I feel him wrap his arms around me as he lays his head against my shoulder. I sigh as I lay my cheek atop of his head and let my nails run over his neck and back.

“I’m sorry for making you feel this way. Like we weren’t gonna have a chance. I never wanted to do that.” He tells me as I nod and kiss his temple.

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose, it’s okay. I just worry and overthink sometimes because you’re you. You’re Nikki Sixx. You could literally have anyone you want and I could be so easily replaced at any moment. It just scares me.”

Nikki looks up at me and laughs, “You? Oh come on you’re joking. Doll I love you just the way you are. Sure, models and playboys are hot but they couldn’t even touch you. They’re not the ones running out of the house applying make up and dragging a kid behind them because they’re running late. Or throwing water on dinner because they forgot they were even cooking. They don’t have eyes that remind me of the ocean when the sun shines. They don’t have soft lips for me to kiss, even when my breath is so fucking rancid in the morning.”

“Hey I haven’t set dinner on fire in a few months alright?” I laugh a bit as I lean forward to give him a kiss, “Thank you for saying that.”

Nikki licks his lips as he leans back against the couch to look at me, “Plus who else on this planet is able to make me cry? Besides Arianna, she’s just harsh.”

“Yeah she has been pretty mean to you lately hasn’t she?” I chuckle as I move pieces of hair back and out of his face.

“Yeah all because I wouldn’t let her crawl into the that claw machine at the arcade a few weeks ago. You know she put her blue goo in my boots? That’s not something I ever want to feel again.” He shudders as he looks at me and smiles “I’ve also been trying to meditate and write my feelings out instead of keeping them inside.”

“Oh! So that’s why you’ve been sitting at the pool every morning? I thought you were just having a mid life crisis or something.” I grin and laugh when he pinched my hip.

“Hey just because I’m getting closer to 40 doesn’t mean shit.”

“Kinda does a little bit, Nikki.” I lean forward and squint “is that….is that a grey hair?” I tease him as I pretend to pluck it out of his hair.

“Oh shut the hell up. You have them too probably.” He rolls his eyes as he pretends to pout.

“Oh no no baby. Not on this head of hair, you won’t find a single thing.”

Nikki leans forward as he gives me a quick and simple kiss, “Well whenever it happens, I’ll still love you when you’re old and grey.”

#motley crue #nikki sixx #the dirt #the dirt book #the dirt movie #motley crue fanfic #nikki sixx fanfic #the dirt fanfic #motley crue fanfiction #nikki sixx fanfiction #the dirt fanfiction #1990s #glam metal #hair metal #1980s #fanfiction #love and leather #crue #douglas booth!nikki sixx #stories #writing #my idea #my story #ff #lauren jauregui

[thatsjustrwde]

For the RWBY character prompt thing: you gotta tell me about Ironwood for sure! And if somebody already asked, how's about Qrow? :)

OH BABEY A DOUBLE (I’m gunna put Qrow in a separate post to avoid making this too long) thank you so much!

Warning: This is a PRO IRONWOOD POST. I also go into team RWBY taking responsibility for their abuse towards Ozpin. Don’t read this if you don’t like it. You’ve been warned

My top three two ships for Ironwood

1) Ironqrow (Ironwood x Qrow) {Volumes 3-7}

I have loved the idea of these two since the fall of beacon. When they first interacted, I wasn’t too sure about them because it seemed like they didn’t really like each other.. but that scene where all the robots were turning on beacon and Qrow spotted ironwood, ran at him with his scythe, only to jump over him and save him from a Grimm, sold the ship to me. It was clear that they didn’t actually despise each other. Qrow wasn’t quick to point fingers; he knew that what was going on wasn’t James’ fault, and he even tried to add a little bit of comic relief to the scene. (When ironwood’s ship fell, and Qrow smirked “well, it won’t be much of a walk”)

My love for the ship was reinforced in v6 (yeah I know it was the fan service volume but I’m rolling with it anyway). Qrow knew that they HAD to get to ironwood in order to complete their goal. He trusted James, and he knew that he was a smart and capable leader who would know what to do (ah,, the good old days ;;)

And then in the early episodes of v7, their bickering that we once saw in v3 was non existent. They were happy to see each other, and James even initiated a hug. He was just so relieved to see him ;; it made my heart melt, I remember posting about this moment so much, all over instagram and tumblr. I loved them so dearly.

2) Ironwood x Glynda (idk if they have a ship name)

God,, I always loved them. that scene in v2 with Ironwood and Glynda standing together in the dead of night looking over the city of vale was so special to me. I love Glynda and her character, she is so dynamic. that scene with her and ironwood showed to us that she truly respected and cared for him and his well-being. She was worried for him as well. I just wish they had more interactions before his death. they would have been very sweet and POWERFUL together.

My three least favourite ships for Ironwood

1) Ironqrow {Volumes 7-8}

Oh boy. RT really knows how to take something good and just, ruin it huh.

I feel as though I don’t need to dive too deep into this (as I’ll be covering Ironwood’s fall from grace later) but yeah... The fight with Qrow and Clover was.. unfortunate. Everyone seemed to lose their braincells in that scene, and the moment it was over, Qrow was dead set on killing Ironwood for some reason even though he was the one who decided to side with a literal murderer, but go off MKEK you really did something there...

Yepp this absolutely killed the ship for me in canon (though I stilln love thinking about them out of the canon setting), I was an absolute wreck after this scene. they deserved better.

2) Ironwood x Winter

don’t worry I’m not about to pull the “IRONWOOD WAS AN ABUSIVE FATHER FIGURE AND GROOMED HER CAREERRHYUGGHR” no.

I always saw Ironwood as a POSITIVE father figure to winter, even before v7. We knew that winter was one of his best soldiers, and was most likely one of his students before then. I believe that Ironwood gave winter a chance at something great, to leave her actual abusive father and hone her skills as a soldier instead of becoming the heiress to a company that she did not want to be tied to. I believe Ironwood was a stellar father figure and role model to her, and that is the reason why I do not ship them. their relationship was so much deeper than that. it was found family.

3) Ironwood x Salem

What the fuck. Like actually what? This was a thing? What is it with this fandom and glorifying abusive relationships... I remember seeing a lot of people trying to justify it like “awh salem was so sweet with him she just wanted him to stop fighting. She would leave him alone after!!” Thats manipulation honey, we don’t fuck with that here. no. Absolutely not

My biggest criticism for Ironwood

See: the reason I made this side blog

It’s no secret to us in the RWDE community that his fall into the role of the villain was POORLY WRITTEN AND WE ALL HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH. where the hell did this even come from? oh I know! TEAM RWBY LYING TO HIS FACE AFTER HE WAS NOTHING BUT KIND AND GENEROUS TO THEM. god I’m heated already.

I’ve talked about his stupid semblance before but it doesn’t even matter because his semblance wasn’t the cause of his descent anyway. We were all HOPING that it was but nope! it was him “losing his humanity” because he lost his other arm. How fucked up is that.

Shitty writing aside, I know James had flaws even before the shitshow that was v7-8, but honestly there was nothing he did that I can criticize harshly. He was a good and honest man with good intentions and a pure, big heart made of gold. Of course he made mistakes and of course he wasn’t perfect, but he was always trying to do the right thing to protect the people. He was a good man until MKEK decided they needed a reason to kill off another headmaster.

My favourite thing about Ironwood

his MUSCLES

His willingness to sacrifice himself to save others. During the fall of beacon he told the students that they didn’t have to stay, even though he could have used the help greatly. But he KNEW that they weren’t ready to handle a crisis like this, and he didn’t want to force them into a responsibility that could have left them emotionally/physically damaged, or worse.

During the Ironwood and Watts fight, IRONWOOD MANGLED HIS OWN ARM TO CAPTURE WATTS. He was so headstrong and brave and he wanted to do everything he could to prevent Salem, even if that meant hurting himself and losing another part of himself. God I miss him so much ;; I’m tearing up a little writing all of this...

A head canon I have for Ironwood

I love creating head canons for characters, it always makes them feel more real to me. one of my biggest head canons is that, in a peaceful world setting, he would enjoy sleeping in on the weekends. ;;. He is a headmaster AND a general which means he has to follow a strict schedule all the time. Maybe this is coming from my desire to take care of him and make sure he is happy and healthy and not stressed out.. But yeah, lazy Sundays, sleeping in late. pls let him sleep he needs so much sleep. What I would change about Ironwood if I were making a rewrite

Strap in kiddos I’ve been thinking about this for a very long time. I’m sure that someone has come up with a similar concept, but I will share my ideas anyway (: I am going to preface this by saying that for this rewrite to work, we need to have Winter receive the Winter maiden powers from Freya in V7.  To start, we will have to go back all the way to v2 when Ironwood was first introduced. I would have Ozpin and Glynda share their concerns to each other about Ironwood bringing all of his ships to look over the festival, but I would take that time to thoroughly explain his semblance. His semblance is stupid, so I would make some changes. To start off, I wouldn’t make it passive. The way it is now is just,, a weird way to give him a mental illness without actually giving him a mental illness. Activating it would have to be a decision that he made if he knew that he had to make decisions that would be hard for him. This way if his semblance caused him to do something actually horrible, he would be directly accountable for it, instead of blaming him for something that he couldn’t control. Semblances are a representation of the user, so with time and with more stress put onto Ironwood, I could see him falling victim to his own semblance if he were to abuse it too much. This will help as we lead into a better way to write his fall from grace. 

From there, I would keep pretty much everything the same until we get to v7. Team RWBY arrives in Atlas and gets arrested and brought to Ironwood just as they do in canon. This time, however, we have Oscar explain EVERYTHING. No lying. Salem cannot be killed. Oscar explains that Ozpin shut himself off after team RWBY forced the truth out of him, and while the truth is a lot for Ironwood to handle, he understands why Ozpin kept it a secret. He shuns team RWBY for their methods and explains why their actions were unnecessary and abusive, but agrees to help them anyway since he knows that they all need to come together if this is going to work. Hence, his arc kind of goes backwards. Instead of team RWBY having his trust from the beginning, they will need to work to gain it back. 

He takes Oscar under his wing to try and draw Ozpin back out. He greets Qrow, they fall in love, he also formally introduces the team to the Ace Ops. The Ace Ops take an IMMEDIATE backseat in the story. We don’t need more characters. For the sake of this rewrite specifically, they are barely around. We are focusing on Ironwood and his growth/relationships. I would explore more times to show the deep connection between him and Winter. As I said earlier, I see him as a healthy father figure for her, so I would definitely focus on that for a bit. At this point, Winter would not have received the maidens power yet, so we could have a scene of him assuring her that she is a perfect fit for the role, and encouraging her and just,, you know, solidifying that he wasn’t pressuring her into doing it. 

Carrying on with the main plot, instead of being left in the dark for the whole season, Ironwood is already aware that Salem cannot be killed. This gives him and the rest of the team a lot of time to work on a new plan to defeat her. They spend lots of time training, Ironwood takes care of them, offering his resources to them. Overtime the team do start to gain his trust little by little again, but this will all kinda fall apart when Salem arrives. 

With stress levels higher than ever, he activates his semblance. Team RWBY and friends KNOW about his semblance and they understand why he is acting irrationally. Maybe they have different ideas than him, but they would not directly oppose him. This completely fixes him from becoming a cartoon villain. Team RWBY and friends would work WITH Ironwood at a distance to fix amity and get global communications back up safely. From there, Ironwood could deliver a message to the world about Salem. Since people know who he is, it will make the message more impactful. Just like he did with his message to Mantle.

Qrow and Winter are positives in his life. They keep trying to ground him and bring him back to reality, but he will not deactivate his semblance. He is too scared of what’s to come with Salem. They support him in this, and do not turn their back on him. 

Winter receives the maiden’s power, and is told to open the vault to obtain the staff and raise atlas further into the sky to save his people. Winter agrees, why wouldn’t she? They have already evacuated most of mantle to atlas anyway. In situations like this it’s impossible to save everyone. RWBY could whine and bitch if they wanted to, but there is nothing they could do in this situation because, for the sake of this rewrite, they wouldn’t be as stupid as they are in the canon proper. 

The vault is open and the staff is vulnerable. It is in this moment that the ACTUAL VILLIAN comes into play. Watts took advantage of the security from behind the scenes, giving Salem the exact time that the vault was open. And thanks to him overhearing everything, he knows that all she needs to do is use the staff, and Atlas will fall. Salem appears in the room, and the big finale battle would occur. They weren’t ready yet. They hadn’t finalized the plan to stop her without killing her. Team RWBY Oscar and Qrow would do their best to keep Salem distracted while Winter and Ironwood speak to the staff. Meanwhile, Neo could breach Ironwood’s office and retrieve the relic of knowledge for Salem. 

The battle plays out, she keeps coming back, the team gets tired, Salem loses her patience and just PLOWS through them to get to the staff. She enters the realm and the mystical world around them begins to shatter and break. With that much concentrated evil in this place coming up out of nowhere, it would be sure to shift the balance. 

She goes head to head against Winter and Ironwood for the staff. She knows that using the staff will cause Atlas to come crashing down, so that is exactly  what she does. Since he is already out, she just gives him a command. It doesn’t matter what it is. Atlas starts to fall. She strikes a lethal blow to Ironwood (Keeping the theme of her killing headmasters) and flees with the staff. Qrow runs to his side, he and winter are crying, Team RWBY is upset, OZPIN IS UPSET. With his aura broken and his semblance down, he smiles at them all, says that he is proud of them for their work and he knows that they will find a way to defeat her. He tells them to get out and save themselves, save as many people as they can. They do that, but for further angst, Qrow stays with him, holding him and crying against him as Atlas falls. Team RWBY use the gravity dust keeping Atlas falling slowly to their advantage. They get as many people as they can into airships and send them to mistral. They then make their own way to Vacuo... Since global communications are back up, the world would know about this. This would give Shade academy a good chance to prepare. (damn I could write a fic)

What I think of Ironwood’s allusion and what I would change.

It’s dumb the way that CRWBY has portrayed it. In the story of the Wizard of Oz, the tin man doesn’t have a heart, but learns to love overtime. I used THIS aspect for helping my rewrite of Ironwood. He was hardened at the beginning, but managed to trust again and eventually smiled and said that he was proud of team RWBY and friends in his dying moments. It’s just more impactful that way I think. 

#long post #ironwood #pro ironwood #ironqrow #rwde #rwby crit

[marvel-download-tutorial]

How to Download Marvel comics for free!

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while especially since we’re all stick inside but last week Marvel made the shitty decision to transition various print titles to digital only, meaning they’re directly taking revenue away from local shops rather than delay the titles, so since Marvel thinks digital comics is such a cool idea I’m gonna show you how to download as many as you’d like! (oh also this is for windows only, idk how to do it if you own a mac but also you’re rich anyways so who cares buy the comics richie)

I don’t want to take money away from the people that need it, not the actual companies of Marvel and DC fuck them they’re dying and they deserve it, but for my own rationalizing I want to take a minute to plug the Hero Initiative, basically what it is an organization that provides for comic creators that are having hard times, comics are a rough industry and you don’t get into it to get rich, I won’t go into it too much you can read for yourself but it’s been endorsed by Stan Lee, Justin Ponsor, Mike Grell, Skottie Young, Rags Morales, a lot of big names, so I’d ask if you do follow this guide and download some comics for free please consider donating to the Hero Initiative (they also sell autographed prints and you can commission some really famous artists)

anyways onto the good stuff! I’m going to be doing a fairly brief but easy to follow guide, there will be links at the bottom of the post so look for those, I’ll probably be making a few other posts with some more info so also check back for those if my blog is still here

What do I need?

You’re going to need 4 basic things if you want to do this as easily and safely as you can 

1) a good anti-virus

2) anonymous web browser (Tor)

4) a safe and reliable source for the comics

4) a torrent program to download the comics

Also optional: VPN

Anti-Virus 

it’s good to remember when torrenting that no one is your friend, everyone is out to trick you and no one cares, honestly you should also have a good anti-virus though, I’m not really gonna tell you which one you should have but Norton 360 is pretty good but say that in a room of CS majors is the quickest way to start a fist fight, honestly just google it, you’re gonna have to do some research, but really you’re good as long as you don’t go with Avast or Kaspersky, I’m going to go over typical tricks and traps later to ensure safety, this is just basic overall security thing

Anonymous Web Browser (Tor)

next we’re gonna download Tor (you can do this before getting a VPN, like I said either one is going to put you on a list but using one to cover you getting the other at least mitigates it lol) Tor is a great open source project that allows for basically complete anonymous web browsing, it’s a project dedicated to privacy and disruption of corporations ability to control every aspect of our lives, also a friend of mine bought K off silk road with it once in highschool, really not too much you need to know about it before using it, just download it, let it configure and you’re good, also use Duck Duck go that it comes with, don’t switch it to chrome or anything, Duck Duck go is anonymous search service which better lends to Tor’s protection

Where to get the torrents

Now this is really important because you can have everything else set up but without a safe reliable source none of this is gonna do any good, but this is the dangerous part, torrent sites are notorious traps (I bricked more than on family PC on limewire) and this is why I said earlier to remember these people are not your friends and are out to hurt you, don’t click banner ads, don’t believe pop ups, make sure your virus protection is on and it’s a very good idea to have an adblocker on, also look out for another post I’ll be making on what download buttons to trust for different popular torrent sites

when talking comics (and remember specifically only Marvel comics) there’s no other name out there than Nemesis43, he is a god and he’s going to be your new best friend, there are groups and sites out there that do comic scans that you have to pay to join or like apply to join, that shit’s dumb as hell and I’ve never used them once and I’ve got more comic than I can read in my lifetime, you don’t need em and you especially don’t need to give them money, donate to the Hero Initiative instead

Nemesis has moved around a bit in the past (if you remember the WWT debacle) right now the main site for him is ettv (there will be a link at the end of the post) sites a bit barren but he’s there, he also has a reddit he gives updates on very rarely, generally if he moves he adds where his new home is in a text doc in his recent uploads, I fully trust him and his uploads, he’s been doing this for years and I’d never have a second thought downloading from him, also because he uploads so much he’s often very highly rated and verified on whatever site he’s on

The second place I’d recommend is getcomic (again there will be a link at the end), now this is very important, never donate to them, they kinda suck, basically they’re plugged into a bunch of different scanner groups and just steal those scans and put them up and then ask for donations, basically they’re just an aggregate (Nem kinda is too but he doesn’t ask for donations and stuff), they usually use browser downloads which are a complete pain so I’d really recommend Nemesis over them but they do have TheComicGuy on torrent galaxy for larger files but that updates a lot less frequently then the main site, again I trust these guys (as long as you’re on the actual site) but don’t trust any banner ads or pop ups, also for downloading they give multiple options, a lot are very sketchy, just use the main server

also there’s other sites like readcomics or newcomics, never used em, don’t like em, use at your own behest 

On sites like ettv you’re gonna want to use the magnet, someone years ago told me it was safer and I just believed them and have always used em, not sure if it’s true but it’s worked so whatever, really you shouldn’t be too worried about this stuff and if you follow this guide you’re going to be way over prepared to download comics, really no one cares about comic torrenting, movies, video games, tv shows that’s the stuff people really get caught on, this is just nerd shit

I’m going to be making another post showing how to use these sites, and other sites comic can be found on so look back at my blog for that

Torrent program

This is pretty basic, just get utorrent, it’s what I’ve always used, it works, whatever, definitely look this up with a VPN on or on Tor, it’s simple to use, I’ll be doing a short tutorial on how to make it even safer

Lastly this one is optional but a pretty good idea, for more than just this

VPN aka Virtual Privacy Network

honestly you can get the anonymous web browser (Tor) or the VPN first, their both going to help cover you downloading the other and honestly both are going to put you on a list for googling them (which is why I suggest looking for someone who just already has the .exes ((I always keep them on a thumbdrive for when I have to reset one of my computers)), I might try to make a google drive with em but also I might not bc that sounds like work and I’m already typing all this up), anyways I’m not really gonna explain what a VPN is, there’s a lot of resources that can explain it better than I can but basically it masks what you do on the internet, there’s a lot of choices when picking a VPN but the big thing I looked for when choosing mine was 1) non-US based so it’s harder for US investigation agencies to request stuff for them or get anything from them 2) one that doesn’t keep logs, honestly they all do even if they say they don’t, but you wanna look for one that hasn’t turned over many logs to US agencies and 3) unlimited peer 2 peer connections which is complicated but basically means you can torrent stuff anonymously and with decent speed. Like Anti-Virus there are a ton of different VPN’s out there, you really have to do research because there are actual accounts of FBI agencies crating VPN’s telling people they’re anonymous when really they had direct access to all the info, I haven’t done any research but NordVPN seems kinda like one of these, really the more they advertise the more suspicious I am, Just google “best vpn 2020″ and look at like 5 lists and read the the stuff, personally I use IPvanish which unfortunately is US based and while it gave over logs in 2016 even thought they said they didn’t keep any but now they’re owned by a new company that super double promises they don’t (again who cares they all do) but they’ve allow P2P and use 256-bit AES encryption

I wanna take a second to mention that this isn’t going to be free, this is the only place you’re going to be spending money (besides donating to Heroe Initative of course), a good VPN is about $100 a year which all in all isn’t terrible, technically you can just get by on the anonymous browser but this gives you an extra layer of security to pretty much ensure you won’t get caught and plus in the ever worsening internet hell world a VPN is becoming more and more important, I’m sure you can find articles about it but yea you don’t technically need a VPN but it’s useful for more than just this

How to work it all

Ok so this is gonna be a little stream of consciousness, as this all kinda has been, so sorry but I’m gonna try and explain it as best I can and also feel free to ask any questions on this blog, I’ll check back eventually I’m sure

So first thing first, make sure you’re virus protection is on and you’re connected on your VPN if you’re using it (you can google “what is my IP” to double check it’s working) then load up Tor, let it load and connect up and whatever, then go to https://www.ettvdl.com/user/Nemesis43 (I’m just gonna show this with Nemesis43, maybe I’ll make another one for getcomics but that’s pretty straight forward, also nem is better)

now remember we’re only here for Marvel comics, so scroll past all those thousands of other comics this would work exactly the same for, I’m gonna go for Ant-Man #4 which was released on the 13 as a digital only comic despite the first three issues being physical copies and now sit on my shelf forever unfinished making me look like a complete penis

it may take a while but it’s going to look like this, click on the blue words, it’s gonna take you to a page that looks like this

now from here we’re going to get the magnet link, right click and select copy link address, I like doing this because it limits my interactions with the page, note the advertisement at the top telling me I need a VPN despite thinking I’m in Guadalajara (which for legal reasons I am)

just copy that and then go to utorrent and click the add link

it’ll open a little box, it should add the link automatically, if it doesn’t just hit ctrl+V

hit ok and it’ll load it up, it might need to download some metadata but after that it should be good, oh also it might bring up a window basically asking where you want to save it and what to name it, you can set all that up in preferences, I did so I just turned that window off and can’t be assed to turn it back on, just hit ok if you don’t wanna bother with that stuff, it’ll go into your downloads by default

and that’s it really, it’s that easy, I might make another thing talking about how to make utorrent more anonymous or whatever so look for that, but stock it’s fine, also when it’s finished downloading it’s gonna start seeding (like uploading to someone else) I’ve always been a scumbag and I never seed but Nemesis seeds stuff so much you really don’t need to anyways, just select it and hit the stop button (the black square on the tool bar)

here are all the links I could think of

Hero Initiative

download Tor

here’s a guide for VPNs

download utorrent

song I found recently that I like

getcomics

Nemesis

so yea that’s pretty much the basics, be smart, be safe, any viruses you get are on you but I hope you found this helpful and feel free to ask any questions

oh and also this is all parody and I’ve never actually torrented anything, I don’t even own a computer

[bugaboowritings]

Date My Best Friend, You Dumb Cat - Superhero Accidental Reveal Fic

Alya Found Out Adrien's Secret and is MAd that He Isn't Doing His Homework

So... I had this piece in my head since I saw that old Instagram post about Alya and Adrien being partners for a school project and that comic about Adrien and Alya having an accidental Reveal when their glamour dropped. 

May make this a series.. Also have this same thing but with Chloe - Check them out! ( 1 ) and ( 2 )

And then with Marinette/Ladybug and Adrien - ( 1 )

Two months, one week, three days, and seven hours since the new semester started. 

Two months, one week, and twelve hours since Miss Bustier assigned the first group project.

Two months, one week, eleven hours, and forty minutes since Alya Césaire and Adrien Agreste were randomly selected to be partners.

Four minutes after that, Alya teased her best friend mercilessly if she wanted to trade partners. 

Two years, six months, two weeks and twenty-three hours since Ladybug and Chat Noir first appeared in Paris.

Two years, six months, and three weeks since Alya met her best friend, Marinette Dupain-Cheng on the first day of school in a new town. 

Two seconds since she discovered Chat Noir’s identity. 

Two years, six months, and two weeks since Marinette confessed to Alya about her crush on a certain blond she thought Marinette strongly disliked. 

Seven seconds since she found out about Chat’s secret identity. 

Two years and five months since Alya decided to investigate the real-life superheroes patrolling the city. 

Eleven seconds since the mask and the magical spandex fully disintegrated off her skin. 

What happened only moments ago played as if someone clicked freeze-frame on this point of Alya Césaire’s life as her miraculous glamour dropped. 

Leaving Alya Césaire in the cold alley as Rena Rouge vanished into thin air. Ending the superhero illusion when her suit reached its five-minute limit.

The dazzled Lady-blogger watched the little coy Fox God of Illusion twist their expression in amusement. The corners of their mouth turned up in a sharp smile, playfully flicking their tongue at their user. 

“Oh, this is going to be fun explaining to the Leader Lady.” 

-

“You’re-! ADrienN!” Alya choked.

 “How- OH MY GOD! You’re- Oh my god!!” She stuttered, barely grasping what was going on as she tripped over her words while the fatal conclusion hit her gut. Her stomach felt hot and twirled in knots. Her cold, clammy hands traveled to her curls, locking her fingers in her hair as she pulled strands away from her face. Not believing what she just witnessed. 

  Alya swore on this day that she went brain dead before her eyes widened and readjusted to the dark atmosphere. Without her mask, Alya was left without her magical night vision, forced to focus on the scene organically while her glasses slowly dipped off the bridge of her nose. 

 The gears clicked and ground in Alya Césaire’s observant mind, jumping faster to conclusions than a gun could fire a bullet into a clear sunny day. Pinning ideas and theories then shuffling around clues that could make this sound believable to herself. Even as she sat there, sitting in the middle of the alley-way trash bin, watching the aftermath of the Miraculous unfold. 

 GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   Of course, she JUST HAD to make the grave mistake on dropping into the same alley that Chat Noir did.

   AND OF COURSE!!-, she did it without thinking it through! Not while the adrenaline levels spiked up in the blood in her veins, giving her this deadly sense of invincibility. The same feeling that made her fearless when she leaped over buildings and dropped from heights that could kill her and her courage.

   However, in the heat of the moment, there’s no time left to worry when her necklace gave an urgent beep. Alya remembered thinking that she had more time to spare, yet the second she blinked -her orange suit was already peeling off her body. Causing her to lose her footing in mid-air which led to one of the most ungracefully landings she has ever made. Drawing blood as she scraped her hands hitting the brick wall and almost breaking her neck if she hadn’t landed in the stuffed dumpster or pushed her feet under her weight to cushion her fall. Her sweatshirt returned back on her body and her hair was no longer crimson red, but tree bark brown with fading colored tips. 

Then with a loud THUMP, BOOM, and CRASH, a commotion that surely woke up the surrounding neighborhood and scared off any stray cats in the area, the two heroes fell out of the sky and landed into their civilian selves. 

Of course, Alya didn’t realize she wasn’t the only one that crash-landed in the alley until it was a second too late to do anything about it. 

  Untangling herself from the garbage-bins tagged with graffiti and unsettling stains, Alya puffed and huffed, holding her breath to trap the last bit of fresh air she had stored in her lungs. Only to gasp for air, not because of the grime and disgusting odors around her but she noticed the glow and gleam of green and black across from her. 

  Alya swore that she covered her eyes, for her sake and his- but she recognized that voice as it groaned. Along with those familiar orange shoes that kicked up and around, same with the sweats with a familiar logo stitched on the side. 

The Gabriel Brand. 

Gabriel Agreste. 

THE Gabriel Agreste. 

One of the top lines in fashion.

Practical clothing but at expensive prices. 

A-And that! What he was wearing was part of a new street-wear! One only rumored to exist and if so- it wasn’t hitting the stores for a figure of a few months!! (Thank you, Marinette for your vast knowledge of fashion and launches and your endless rambles about them.)    

Yet, how could-!? How could this sly cat have access to the brand or rumored collection!? How could this leather-wearing flirt have the cash to have anything with the Agreste brand on it?

Was he some sort of business partner? A loyal customer with benefits? Heir to a company that has ties with the Agreste? New money or old?!

No- that can’t be right. Gabriel wouldn’t just hand off his secret collection unless…Unless it was someone worth giving to. 

It wasn’t until the infamous cat raised his head up in a moan that Alya Césaire, local Lady-blogger, saw his face, Chat Noir’s face, without the mask. 

As ungracious this whole situation was, this seemed like the only right way to figure out the kitty’s identity. 

All thanks to a series of unfortunate events and some bad luck. 

Something totally on-brand for him. 

 The blond brushed his hair with the tips of his fingers before lightly rubbing the sore spot over his neck. Rocking his head back and forth and around to alleviate the stinging. His forehead wrinkled as he groaned once more, knitting his eyebrows together. All before opening his acid green eyes wide at the reporter when she released the breath she held in. 

  Adrien Agreste being this cocky superhero that swirled and twirled about the city- the same one that wore a bell and slick black leather- explained so little and left so many questions unanswered.

 It did, however, explain the little details that she looked over when it came to Adrien Agreste. How he jumped into action when he heard the Akuma Alert, how he didn’t run for his life but quickly claim that he needed to go to the bathroom when a giant semi-monster or Akuma loomed over the city, how he seemed to be a true Ladybug Stan since the beginning it all- even when Paris was barely getting used with their new super-reality, how he checked with Alya after almost every blog post if she uploaded something during school hours, the quick comments and awkward praise given about his alter-ego when the Miraculous Duo came to be the topic again in the lunch table. 

The Lady-blogger knew that Chat Noir playing offense when Darkblade came to claim Paris could be a clue, how Chat Noir knew where to take the students when evacuating the school after a nasty Akuma attack when he ‘supposedly’ never been there, and then how Chat Noir called everyone by their name when it was the first time her classmates even had the chance to see him in person and not on a news-recap. 

 Why Adrien had to miss the grand installment of the Miraculous Duo Statue in the park, but he never really missed it because he was THERE! Chat Noir was in her classroom and she didn’t even-!!

Alya gasped. 

“Our project is due before 12!” Cupping her mouth before throwing her hands out to the blond. Yanking him out of the trash by the collar of his jacket.

“Why are you here and not finishing the first draft?!”

Adrien Agreste, still pressed up against the alley wall with his back supported by day-old trash, digested Alya’s words before rolling his eyes. A snarky reply slipped his mouth as he shifted his body into a more comfortable spot after getting squashed in the tight alleyway. 

“An evil super villain possessed a child, Alya. I have priorities.” 

  “And our grade isn’t!” 

Adrien tucked his legs under himself as a cat kwami popped out of his light blue jacket. Struggling to get on his feet from the buzz sensation in his legs after his fall, resting his hands on the dirty concrete before showing more of his superhero persona.

“Again priorities, Alya!” He uttered, ruffling his hair as he took their current situation in. 

Stretching his arms as he stood up to his full height. His hair, messy and tangled, suede one side to the other as Adrien shook his head. 

“I can’t leave my Lady alone when a crazed toddler is on the loose.” 

----

Who would have guessed? 

That the Cat with the dangerously charming grin was the same boy that can’t go out with his friends if work intervened or when his dad flatly said no to his face through a tablet held by his black-suited assistants. The guy that would merciless flirt with the red heroine (he still drinks respect women juice tho) was outside of the world of superheroes and villains, a guy that never went out on a proper date with anyone before. 

God, this would surely make a great article. 

Alya Césaire had uncovered one of the biggest secrets in Paris, all in a matter of some lucky seconds. Not because of her totally-awesome journalist skills, but all because of dumb luck. 

Wait-.

She just lost her secret identity too. 

--Ladybug is going to kill her.

Alya got sick and pale when she thought this situation over, not with her Lady Blogger brain, but with her superhero ego. Forgetting how her project was late or the fact if she didn’t return home quickly her family would worry if they didn’t find her in bed at this hour. 

Ladybug is going to kill them.

 No-... she gonna take away their miraculous FIRST so they then don’t have a chance to fight back and THEN kill them. Most likely after her speech about breaking the most important rule of being a superhero. 

“Keeping your secret identity a secret.”

Alya groaned into her hands as the memory of Ladybug’s lectures and advanced fighting skills played in her head. 

She is so dead.  

Letting that fact sink in before taking in a big deep breath. 

“It’s fine,” she can work with this. She can bounce back. She can just explain this to Ladybug without losing her chance at being a Miraculous Holder. It’s gonna be fine- 

Parting her hands from her face to see Ch-Adrien pull out a little container of cheese for the black kwami nagging and floating by the blond’s head. The tiny god grinned as it nibbled (inhaled) on that snack as it hovered over his Chosen’s shoulder. 

Alya screamed in her palms once more, making her peace on earth.  

---

Alya thanked Adrien for the slice of cheese. Handing it to Trixx to get him ready for another transformation. The duo decided that it was better to wait it out for their Kwamis rather than try to walk home in the middle of nowhere in the dead of night. 

Once Alya came over the shock of finding out Chat Noir’s identity, she bit her tongue before asking any questions. Taking in what was behind the mask, a good observation was key for a reporter since that can tell more than questions itself could.  

His hair was different, it wasn’t the right length (when thinking of his magical alter-ego). Nor did it curl by his ears, but it still had that ‘swish’ and ‘fluff’ texture. His eyes were still that acid green color but seemed more on the light shade and looked more ‘natural’ and ‘safe’ compared to the huge, glowing cat eyes he had before. The same eyes that scared criminals in pit black or lit up a night sky. His face’s silhouette matched the pictures of the hero’s. His jaw was the perfect shape and his height was exactly the same, give or take the added milometers from his boots. Yet, it seemed so weird to see this. 

There, Chat Noir peeled away left Adrien Agreste. Laying against the tagged-up walls and using the crunchy trash bags to break his fall and now as bean-bag chairs as he laughed at something his Kwami whispered. 

“You’re Chat Noir.” 

It was the first sentence she said without coughing or yelping. Scaring Adrien to just hear Alya speak in her stern tone, ruining the silence he thought they (unspokenly) agreed to keep. Nevertheless, Adrien should have known that the quiet could only last for a while before Alya recovered and spit questions with a blink of an eye. 

It was too good to be true if he thought they could just forget about this and walk away. 

 The golden boy bit his bottom lip in what seems to be a mixture of shame, embarrassment, and a dash of amusement. Giving Alya a shy smile before shrugging his shoulders. 

“Guess the cat is out of the bag,” Adrien, no, Chat Noir grinned.

 The Lady-blogger had to stop the burning need to deck him so hard. 

 A thin, yet toothy smile appeared before losing it when Cha- Adrien’s kwami, a tiny grumpy cat-god with two white-ivory fangs that stood out in contrast with his deep purple fur, asked for more cheese before showing the rest of his sharp teeth in an attempt for a wide innocent smile. 

It was terrifying. 

“GOD!” Alya cried, rolling her eyes as her fox kwami fled to talk to Chat Noir, wait no, Adrien’s kwami. Still not over that her classmate was part of the Miraculous Duo. The reporter gasped for air even harder as she reached another conclusion. 

“I knew it was you! AH! Ha! I knew it in the beginning!” Alya uttered, switching from frustrating sounds to a laugh that made Adrien question the report’s ability to handle and process all this before Alya pumped her fist up before cursing the universe out loud. Her painted nails rubbed circles on her temples while she munched on this memory in her own flashback. 

“I-urgh! I knew! I knew you looked too much like Chat Noir, too much to call it ‘chance’. But no!- Marinette brushed me off. Telling me ‘That’s too good to be true!’- and now!” Tossing her hands out to the blond and his kwami. 

The undeniable evidence that landed on her plate. 

“Here you are! Both Chat Noir and Adri-“

A cold hand cupped on Alya’s mouth. Stopping her from shouting even louder or even finishing her sentence.  Pushing her back to the old brick wall. 

The Lady-blogger instinctively fought back, her hands reaching for the fingers over her mouth, but she stopped herself before she scratched the blond or bit his hand (or worse, spit in it). 

“Alya,” Adrien hushed. “I know that you know this- but you can’t tell anyone about this. Living or dead- Not a soul, not in any journal entry, not on your blog or to Nino, ever. Not even to Marinette.” 

Alya nodded at the sudden serious tone. 

“Bad enough that Hawk Moth is still out there with his eye out for our heads. If you or I get akumatized it’s gonna be game over for Ladybug and Paris. You understand that, right?” 

Alya shoved his hand away. 

“First off, your hand smells like Camembert. Gross.” 

“Second,” she sighed. Letting her fingers press against the creases of her forehead before sliding down to her cheek. 

“. . .Does Ladybug know?” 

Adrien’s fingers tugged on his hoodie string as he nibbled on his lips. His nose crinkled in dissatisfaction. 

“We planned to reveal ourselves when Hawk Moth’s gone and defeated . . . “ 

“How noble.” Alya snorted.

Before Alya could ask anything else, Adrien beat her to the punch. His voice filled the air as cars in the background beeped at each other at the late ride home or to work. 

“My turn with this interrogation.” Moving his face a little closer, Adrien Unaware-of-Boundaries-Because-He-Was-Locked-In-A-House-His-Whole-Life Agreste frowned.

 “What do you mean by ‘I knew it” and how does Marinette think- wait, does she know that you’re Rena? Alya did you-” 

Alya pushed Adrien a step off before rolling her eyes. 

  “Of course not!” She scoffed. 

“I tell Mari everything, but - But Ladybug trusted me with the miraculous and I kept my secret and promise  to her.” Twisting her leg in anxiousness before quickly commenting, “ Well it was a secret before THIS happened.” 

----

~Study Session at the Library. Be here by 2

~Same table as always

Adrien clicked on the message, typing out a quick response and a time change. Sweeping his hair back, happy with what he wrote after rewriting twice and finally pressing send. 

-2:15, but I’m still in the locker room. I’m there by 2:30, tops. 

Alya hummed as she saw the little dots on Nino’s phone before disappearing again and then reappearing with a new message. Huffing through her nose before typing a response back. 

~It’s due this week and we are out by 3:45. 

Adrien pulled his clothes from his locker before hearing the soft buzz of his phone in his gym bag. Groaning in defeat before typing out a dull reply. 

-K. 

---

Peeling another sticky note to add to the right corner of the book, not before uncapping her thin felt-tipped marker as Marinette scribbled a slanted question. Looping her y’s and not paying attention to the clicks towards the table since it could just be Rose asking for another pen from Alya. However, a chair scraped across the wooden floor and a gym bag thumped on the ground which sent vibrations up the table. Making her jump, pulling back her hand before she accidentally drew a huge line down the page of her textbook. 

“Thanks for organizing this session, Alya. I’m glad that we managed to meet up even with my schedule.” 

Marinette continued to scribble in her sticky notes. Her handwriting got sloppier as she wrote faster. Her anxiousness escaped from her in her blush and in her quick penmanship. Exhaling sharply, catching Nino’s attention only to lose it as his dirt-colored eyes noticed his best friend. Tugging his headphones off his ears. 

“Dude, nice to see you finally make it to one of our ‘nerd meetings’.” 

“Hard with my Father and all my tutors back home. Are you gonna finally let me play Mega Strike on your phone or wait until your phone is at 5 percent like last time?” 

“Adrien, it was one time!” 

“SHH!” the librarian hushed. Quieting the boys and they slowly mellowed in their chairs. The librarian broke his stare and returned back to the paperwork on his desk. The boys broke their silence and the tension in the table as they couldn’t help the chuckles that came up their lips when they looked at each other. Bring back that light environment when the boys nudged each other playfully. Chuckling under their breath as Adrien set his pens and books out from his school bag. 

Marinette tried her best to keep her eyes on her paper. She can’t be blushing and rambling like she always did. But God, this was gonna be so hard to do since old habits die hard. As hard as she gripped her pen while she carved the words on her notebook page. The music in her earbuds crashed with her emotions. The lofi beats weren’t calming her; it just made her feel like she was on the wrong station. Debating to switch her playlist to something quicker and louder to make her concentrate on her work and not on something more captivating. . .

WAIT,,, NO!!!! BAD MARINETTE! Don’t think that- he is just a friend!!

 Pushing her earbuds in her ear deeper in hopes to drown out his laughter. Her finger swiped across stations and then deciding on to Jagged Stone’s new single. Killing the urge to stare at the model or steal looks at him, but surely looking at him couldn’t hurt-

GOD! WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE LIKE THIS!? 

They’re just friends. And “just friends” doesn’t mean that you should stare at each other’s eyes. “Just Friends” means just friends especially when one of the friends looks like a certain blond and is potentially dating someone else-

A pink pen rolled over her notebook. 

Is that- a Ladybug pen?  

Marinette tugged on the wires of her earbuds, letting them fall off her ears and pausing the first verse of Jagged’s song. 

“Ah-could you guys pass me my supplies?”

Marinette’s blue eyes finally did the thing she prayed she wouldn’t do. 

She looked up. 

There, Adrien rushed to pick up his pens, pencils, markers, and highlighters as they rolled off the table. Nino was already crouching down, grabbing the ones that fell under his chair’s legs while Alya picked up the ones that came her way. 

“I didn’t know they sold ladybug stationery?” The lady-blogger grinned, twirling the pen between her painted nails. Wiggling her eyebrows at the flustered blond who try to brush off her looks with an eye roll. Hoping that if he ignores the blush that came up his face, they won’t comment on it. 

“It was in a pack, Alya.” Adrien bit his lip, reaching over to snatching the pen back from Alya. Only to miss her hand completely as she pulled back her arm in the last second. Teasing Adrien with the pen, holding it out of his grasp. Tossing it to Nino when his fingers reached a little too close to the pen. The boys rough-house a minute before earning themselves another scorning from the librarian. 

Over the last two years of going to public school compared to the first day he tried to sneak through the front gates, Adrien Agreste would have died on the spot if he got scorned by an authority figure other than his caregiver, well ‘care’-givers, at Françoise Dupont High School - but with time, Adrien Agreste mellowed into the new role of Adrien, the student. 

Just the student. 

 A different persona from the one that lived at home and bloom when entering school grounds. Adrien would say that he’s more care-free and open than before as he learned how to sneak out and what buttons to press when joking with his closest friends. Like how Nino always fell for the “What’s that?” trick- no matter what or how Kagami liked puns even if she frowned or how Marinette would shot a sarcastic remark if given the chance (so Adrien tried his best to set the joke to hear Mari’s slick comments which often ending with an innocent smile before walking away). 

So it wasn’t unusual for Adrien to act like this, like a teenager and not some super famous model. Just a student who was currently blushing in embarrassment due to his Ladybug stationary. 

“They’re nice.” 

The study group turned to the peep in the corner. Marinette swiped her thumb over the magical ladybug clip on the pen.

 It felt heavy and good in her hand, it had nice weigh to it. All with a slick design that didn’t seem cheesy or cheap. It’s hard to make polka-dots work nicely, but who would know right? 

 “I’m more of Chat Noir fan though.” A small smile slipped out as she spun the pen in her hand one last time. Her face softens as she thought about her partner and how cute it would be to have his cartoon face on sticky notes if it didn’t add to his ego.  Marinette finally passed the pen to Adrien who unconsciously held out his hand when her hand went out to him. 

“Cool,” Adrien answered. Not knowing what to say without giving himself away or boasting about the Miraculous Duo without sounding stiff or awkward. 

That little moment was gone as a voice cleared the air. 

“So you’re a cat stan now?”

-------

“I didn’t know you dig that type of leather, Mari?” Alya purred as she grinned a little too hard as her joke, causing her cheeks to squish the edge of her amber-colored iris. Narrowing her four eyes at her clueless friend. 

“I’m not- why are you making it sound so weird?!” 

“I’m not!” 

“Yes. Yes, you are.” Marinette rolled her eyes before shaking her head. Quickly stepping down the stairs with the reporter on her heels. Blowing her bangs out of her eyes, reminding herself to trim them when she gets home or when she’s free by this weekend. 

“And-stop looking at me like that, Alya!” 

“I wasn-” 

“I can feel your laser vision from here.” 

“Okay, fine! I give, Mari. I can’t lie to you no more.” Throwing her arms around the designer’s neck and tugging her near. Marinette pulled her legs under her before she choked herself with Alya’s hold. 

“The truth is- I’m setting you up with a superhero, but can’t unless I absolutely know that you’re into them.” 

“. . . .what?” 

-------

#alya cesaire #adrien agreste #rena rouge #chat noir #miraculous ladybug #ml Fic #my writings #My writing #my Fic #reveal #marinette dupain cheng #fluff #miraculous the tales of ladybug and chat noir #ml fics #superhero Reveal

[bills-pokedex]

{By request from a couple days ago, background stuff! As a heads up, there will be three posts. The first one is this one, which covers character notes. The second will cover world stuff and other notes that are more or less basics to the blog. You do not have to follow the powerverse tag to understand any of this, and in fact, some of it might be handy to know in general. The last post will be a powerverse timeline.

With that in mind, enjoy!}

Characters

Bill McKenzie

Current Age: 28 (The blog started on his 24th birthday.)

Pronouns: he/him

Orientation: Panromantic ace

Race: Mixed (Johtonian/Galarian)

Birthday: December 31

Occupation/Employer: Pokémon researcher, inventor, engineer, admin of the Kanto/Johto storage system, and general jack-of-all-trades. Apparently writes papers for Celadon University but actually is paid full-time by the Pokémon Cutting-Edge Technology Research Institute

Pokémon: - Foxglove: Kadabra, M (The first pokémon Bill had ever caught and still one of his closest. Can communicate with him. Is the de facto leader of Bill’s team.) - Lucky: Venusaur, M (Bill’s starter, stolen from an illegal pokémon vendor in Goldenrod. Currently lives in Bill’s garden/greenhouse. Is supposed to guard it but spends most of his time sleeping and eating Bill’s crops.) - Primrose: Clefairy, F (The clefairy Bill once fused with. Mischievous af. Originally from Hoenn but gifted to Bill in exchange for an eevee. Judges Kantonian clefairy hardcore. Apparently enjoys tinkering with things. Also enjoys stealing Bill’s socks, making them into nests, and blaming the eevee.) - Tamarind: Eevee, M (It babey.) - Yew: Umbreon, F (Was most definitely not named Rosemary at one point. Mom of a thousand eevee kits. Judges everyone hardcore.) - Boxed: Farfetch’d, Vulpix, Exeggutor, Nidorino, Rattata, more eevee and eeveelutions than is probably healthy, Ditto

Family: - Father: Jack. Pokémon professor who specializes in moves (i.e., he studied moves before Kukui made it cool). Invented TMs/HMs. Currently a move tutor who likes to scam trainers out of coins in exchange for powerful moves. Spends most of his time at the Game Corner. Apparently a massive headache for Bill, who totally does not have father issues. - Mother: ???. Former kimono girl. World’s most patient woman. Loves her children equally, including her strange son who’s sometimes a pokémon. Just wants her kids to be happy and safe. Sometimes asks Bill in full-on Japanese in front of Lanette whether or not he’ll ever ask “that nice coworker of yours out” because “she’s cute and very interested in you.” - Older sister: Christa. Contractually obligated to kick Bill’s ass if he misses his weekly check-ins (to ensure he’s still alive and not a pokémon). The Mycroft to Bill’s Sherlock (canon, not BBClocke, you heathens). Jill-of-all-trades. Trainer extraordinaire. Runs a YouTube channel where she breaks into old places and hunts for ghosts. Sometimes those ghosts are real and perfectly catchable. - Younger siblings: Brother, followed by sister. Both are proud of their brother but don’t really get him. His youngest sister gave Lyra his phone number. - Grandfather: Galarian and thus doesn’t know every Kantonian/Johtonian pokémon. Good-natured. Physicist. Miiiiiight have worked on some top-secret Galarian projects, which might explain why skipped regions to go live in Johto back in the 60s. - Claims that the children of the kimono girls from his mom’s former troupe are his cousins. The only one who entertains this idea is gym leader Valerie. He has never met his mother’s actual family, nor does he know who they are.

Character Notes: - Animeverse but not really. Lives in a decomissioned lighthouse called the Sea Cottage because, as he puts it, “I can.” Also speaks with a very posh accent, dyes his hair green, and dresses like the Doctor, if not a gentleman from a steampunk webcomic. - Possesses wit drier than Orre. It’s often hard to tell whether or not he’s serious when he says he doesn’t know what’s up, but if it helps, just remember that the rock that he lives under has Kanto’s best wifi. - Would totally be an anarchist if he wasn’t egotistical enough to believe he can fix the system if they’d just listen to his friendly suggestions(, president of the Pokémon Association). - Worships Ho-oh and absolutely takes Ho-oh’s sacred flames in vain when startled/under stress. (The other Johtonian legends are technically his gods too, but he doesn’t take them as seriously.) - Strong believer in “do as I say, not as I do.” Will give people plenty of advice to not do stupid things, yet will do stupid things for science. - Thinks all life on Earth is worthy of respect. Unless you’re disrespectful to life on Earth, at which point, fuck you. (Note: Not an anti-abortion statement.) - Pacifist. This, combined with the fact that he’s not that great at strategy under pressure, is why he failed his gym challenge pretty hard. (He wasn’t that half bad of a trainer, though.) - Has accidentally merged himself with, in order: Primrose (the original Clefairy Incident—canon), rattata (canon), nidorino (canon), and finally flygon (powerverse). No one quite knows how he’s managed to do this unintentionally three times, but there you go. (Note: Everyone knows about the Clefairy Incident because Red is a snitch.) - Other canon facts: lactose intolerant, loves eevee (but also every other pokémon too), often unshakably bubbly regardless of circumstance. - List of confirmed crushes includes: the Goldenrod Flower Shop girl, Steven Stone, probably Lanette. - Apparently calls Lanette “luv” and “love” if he wants something. - Collects pokémon, comic books, and houseplants. Really likes superhero comic books in particular. Spinarakman is his jam.

---

Lanette Hamilton (“LH”)

Age: 28 (Six months older than Bill.)

Pronouns: she/her

Orientation: Bi with strong leanings towards men

Race: Mixed (Hoennian/Unovan, with some distant Galarian heritage)

Birthday: July 2

Occupation/Employer: Pokémon researcher, software engineer, admin of the Hoenn storage system. Employed by the Hoennian branch of the Pokémon Cutting-Edge Technology Research Institute but does contract work with Devon as well ... much to Bill’s chagrin.

Pokémon: - Mary: Alcremie, F (Adorable baby of the team.) - Evening: Galarian ponyta, F (Full name is Princess Evening Glimmer of Ponytaville Castle. Asshole ponyta who likes showing her affection with a well-aimed Psychic.) - Lacroix: Budew, M (Asshole budew who once dynamaxed and misses it.) - Ariel: Clefairy, M (Asshole clefairy who hates dragons. Apparently has a crush on Primrose and thinks her tinkering is adorable.) - Neptune: Swampert, M (Lanette’s starter. Brawns over brains. Pretty much watery Lucky. Enjoys chilling out in rivers/with Lucky instead of doing any actual guardwork.) - Sam: Medicham, M (“Sam” might have at one point been short for “Samsara”; Lanette realized this was not cool after she grew older. One of Lanette’s usual right-hand pokémon. Calm. Cool. Will punch you through the earth if ordered to do so. Can mega evolve. Serves as Lanette’s sounding board whenever Brigette isn’t around.) - Boxed: Skadi (Glalie, F), Braeburn (Applin, M—was going to evolve into an appletun but then just didn’t), Raijin (Manectric, M), Pepper (Flareon, F) - Formerly: Bill

Family: - Parents: Divorced. Both remarried. Lanette doesn’t talk about them much and is apparently not close with them at all. They were apparently both wealthy, however, which is how Lanette wound up going to pretty exclusive schools with no problem. - Older sister: Brigette, manager of Pokémon Bank. Extremely supportive of her sister but tends to take the “idgaf” road when it comes to admin shenanigans. Lanette shares everything with her. (Everything.) 

Character Notes: - ORAS version. Short hair. Cute dress. Don’t talk to her about that one time she wore pigtails. Collects plush pokémon. - Most people say Bill is the leader of the admins but actually think Lanette is. - Is the Team Mom. - Routinely keeps Bill from doing stupid things (except for that one time that they’re still working through). - Was roped into being the editor of the blog because someone had to do it. - Is perfectly aware that she more enables Bill than stops him from doing stupid things. - Is still, like, all of his impulse control and half of the impulse control of the other admins. - All of this, and she’s disorganized af. Her lab is a disaster. It’s only by Bill’s own will that his lab isn’t right now, now that she’s basically living at the Sea Cottage. - Bill might have invented the storage system, but she’s the one who gave it a GUI, hammered out most of its flaws, and beat the entire concept of user-friendliness into its inventor’s head until he stopped putting text command boxes on everything. - Likes cooking and loves sweets. Will fight you for cake. - Was at one point a coordinator and thus has an excellent eye for making things that are functional but also hella pretty. Earned almost all of the Hoenn ribbons before calling it a day. And she gave it up not because she wasn’t good at it but instead because she got really hella fed up with the culture surrounding contests at the time. - Still participates in Fallarbor contests now and then, just for fun. - Was apparently the one who reached out to Bill in the first place, rather than the other way around. That is to say, Bill was “the weird ghost kid” in Celadon University’s library until Lanette finally popped up and said, “Hi. You’re my friend now.” And they’ve been together ever since. - Bill routinely says the above event was seven years ago. This was actually when they were both thirteen. - Not-so-secretly loves cute, sparkly things, especially if they can kick your ass. (See: Princess Evening Glimmer of Ponytaville Castle.) - Not-so-secretly likes Steven Stone, Milo, and practically every other man (and some women) who’s cute and capable of holding their own in battling. (Much to Bill’s chagrin.) - Is perfectly aware that Bill not-so-secretly has a thing for her and thinks it’s adorable. Cares pretty deeply about him, at least as a friend, and absolutely wants to see him happy ... which is really why she’s often quick to shoot down his more reckless ideas. - Unironically likes romance movies and mysteries. Watches Groovy Froo (Scooby Doo but with a furfrou).

#from the mun #about the author #about the editor #resources

[ask-mathtrap]

oh who am i kidding! i still got more amazing people to talk about

hey everyone kaci or rather toymonnie here 

look it’s almost my birthday i’ve been on tumblr a good few years now just starting out as a simple roleplayer 

then slowly growing meeting new friends losing old ones... it’s been alot so i have alot of people to thank 

@anjellybeanie

they are an amazing friend and artist they were the orginal artist of ask-mathtrap but couldn’t keep up but that is fine i understand and i don’t blame them for that honestly i am just glad we are still friends! 

they worked hard and delivered very funny things to the blog even helped with memes and the creation of oreo the panda and agresser the trashpile 

they helped me with personal problems and are just such an amazing person to chat with 

their is more to thank about @renrink

a great friend and honestly? one of the reasons i am not dead without them... well i won’t say but i thank them for their friendship and being a great friend to chat with about my work or just my feelings they can’t always be there but when they are it helps alot 

i decided to work on a gift for them by making a dr. terminal gaster vs reaper sans comic that is still in the works and i have the user @oodlesofskeletondoodles to thank for that seriosly they are an amazing artist and friend! i highly recmond their blog! 

this list could go on forever so i’ll only list a few more people

@z-artblog

an amazing person and friend who has helped me out thru tough times as well they’ve helped with my ideas and so much more i could never thank them enough ha ha 

they were also the devil in my rick and morty au mainly because they wanted to be anyway they are a close friend and another reason i am still here 

their is also @animatedzorox

honestly i love chatting with them they are a great person to chat with they also gave me permssion to let dr. terminal kill and use their sans powers lol

but thats not why i am mentioning them they are an amazing person and it’s always good to chat with them about my aus and my work they can’t always be there but i do enjoy our chats 

@justanotherpasafrisk

i... wasn’t always the best person at one point i lied about my age and did “smut” roleplays with people 

i am not sure what i did with them but i did do one and once i came clean with my age they were angry i lost a friend and almost... almost...... 

but i lived on and at some point i acutlaly became friends with them again i changed my ways and never did thoes things again they forgave me and gave me a second chance 

am i proud of my actions? no not at all it still gives me pain to this day 

but i am glad someone like them could forgive me and i am glad they are friends with me! 

@octocookies

they are a newer friend but i am glad they are there for me they are so kind and very lovely to chat with i am very glad we are friends and chatting with them always makes my day

@channydraws

they have been a friend for years i’ve known them for awail they are an amazing artist and friend 

they have made so much for my au nightmare-story 

cute art peices and all that they are amazing to chat with and always lovely to roleplay with when we do silly little things with our chararters 

@fr-e-sh--h-otca-ts

golly gee gosh! how could i forget them? they are amazing they are a great friend and also an amazing music maker and artist! 

they made dr. terminal gasters theme song along with the theme for my chararter papyrus from the last monster tale 

sadly tumblr destoried both themes but they took their time to recover dr. terminals theme and that warms my heart

they are great to talk to and well i love helping them feel better when ever they are upset and they help me as well by just chatting with me 

@the90sfreshestdude

honestly i’d be lost without them they helped me make the first ever FINSHED! dr. terminal gaster comic 

dr. terminal gaster vs underfresh (shameless self promotion here) 

anyway they are a great friend and without them i might have gaven up on making anything so i thank them! 

how could i forgot @morronsoup

they’ve done alot for me we’ve had our fights in the past sure but we’ve been friends since the creation of forgotten tale heck they were the pixle artist for the game idea 

they did alot but sadly nothing came of it... and i am upset by the that but i am glad me and them could still be friends and i still love all the art they made god it makes me feel so good to look at anything they’ve made 

and i am glad we’ve been friends thruout these years!

@xxtc-96xx

another great friend i love to chat and share ideas with! they are one of the people who gave me permission to mess with their chararters even make a god horrfic scary as crap verion of their oc astell! 

i haven’t done a dr. terminal vs endertale comic as of yet but it is planned! 

but i thank them for everything and being such a fun person to talk to and a great friend.

this list could go on forever but i’ll end it here with the most important

everyone who follows all my blogs!

@everyone 

you guys are amazing and all your support and kind words mean the world to me! 

without you all i wouldn’t be here god i wish i could name you all but that would take a year! XD

but seriously thank you and i am glad i could enjoy another year with you guys! 

remember to stay determined and thanks for being here.

my birthday will be great knowing i have amaizng friends like all of you behind me to support me! 

#personal #personal post #personal infromation #my past #ToyMonnie #kaci miller/toymonnie

[survivorgalaxysedge]

Episode 5 | Forgive Me Cowtown For I Have Sinned - Ari

ohhhhh i found something JUICY tonight!!! so yesterday the hosts got tired of me constantly asking how many fuel i have and gave me the command to view it, and i knew i was outta points so i was like ok cool we'll check it out tomorrow. TURNS OUT the scorekeeper bot shows you not just your personal points.... but the points of everyone in the game.... and WHOM is number two on that list with 36 entire points? that's right. my best friend keegan. my first thought was wtf ew how did he already recover from my sabotage, i feel zero percent guilty about doing that now! and then my second thought was WAIT...... this is PERFECT. so you can bet i ran right to all three of my allies to be like "hey omg i found something shady :0 didn't keegan say all his fuel got blown up the other day? well i pulled some receipts and it turns out he still has all of it! why would he lie about that??? so sus!" and now i'm laughing because there could not be a more perfect excuse to get him gone!!! i'm not gonna push it any more than that right now - for all i know, we'll prob win the next challenge again - but i've tucked the ammo away in my pocket, planted the ari seed in jonathan and zoe's heads, and i'll let it sit pretty there until i need it. also, i ended up telling ali what i did to keegan simply because he is 100% not going against me and i needed someone to tell me i'm funny, so i also let him know about this plan o mine and that we could use this against sir keegan, which he's so down for. god. i cannot wait to tell mj about all this shit.

Jacob being voted out of NuTrian is the second best thing that could have happened. Preferably Nathan but my OG Andro and Jessie are safe so that’s very good. Now we’ve got a Guess Who challenge which is okay. I don’t care if we get first or second, I just really really don’t want to get last. Let’s keep the good vibes going and be safe for a fifth straight tribal council. Ali told me he scored 11 points, I scored 10. I hope Zoe can whip out her survivor magic with a score of 8 or 9. And then hopefully Jonathan can pull out a good score as well. Nathan and Zach have both scored 12 on this challenge before, so I can only hope they keep up with that and score high again. Gotta make sure those other tribes flop. I’m still incredibly uncertain about how to play this steal a player advantage. It’s possible we ride this 3 tribe split all the way to merge. My guess is merge at 11 or 10. That would be quite a few tribals to go without another swap but it’s certainly possible. Though I could absolutely see a swap now at 12. Two tribes of six, and then merge at 10. A final 3 with 7 jurors perhaps? Either way, I think I’ll hold on to this advantage until it seems likely that I’ll need it. No sense in causing some chaos if it isn’t necessary.

ok so i'm doing well in challenges rn, as best as i can at least, and i feel like that's the only thing keeping me alive bc.... nobody talks to me. i feel like i'm starting every one on one conversation and desperately trying to keep it alive and not be left on read. idk if they're like this with each other or if its just me but !!!!!! it doesnt make me feel good abt potentially losing a challenge. so i will just keep carrying my weight and keeping my cute little head down and pray im just being paranoid<3

WELL We lost the immunity challenge which is the first loss after four straight immunity wins. That was a nice little break while it lasted. The obvious choice right off the bat is to vote for Ali. Keeps the OG Andro tribe fully intact, and avoids the most possible drama. However, I worry he might have found the Circi idol from his original tribe. Plus whatever advantage he may have gotten from the first challenge of the season. So the alternate thought is to maybe vote for Jonathan or Zoe. I adore Ari would not want to vote them out. It's tempting to throw a vote on one of them in the event of Ali playing an idol, just to keep myself safe. But if Ali doesn't have an idol, that could cause a whole world of issues. On the flip side, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if some or any of my tribe mates decided to throw my name under the bus. I haven't been the most social person and while I have definitely pulled my weight in the challenges, I could see them having their own little group that's willing to throw my under the bus and make things as painless as possible for the rest of them, especially considering they've all said they like Ali a lot. Ahhh this is all so much worse considering I have the hidden immunity idol. I don't want to waste it, but I also don't want to pull a Kellee Kim and go home with it in my pocket. 

it's kind of ridiculous how well this is all going???? why havent they voted me out yet i am running this shit -talked to ali, told him he's gonna be fine we just need to get people to vote for keegan -talked to jonathan, convinced him keegan is the most logical vote "because he's shady" and because it also means we can vote ali easily next time (versus going down to andro 4 and having it get much more messy) -jonathan was like "should we tell ali right before the vote?" and i was like i think you should call him and see where his head is at and we can go from there, jonathan said ok good point, if he says he wants to vote keegan and he also tells you that without any prompting from either of us we know he's real about it -yeeted myself into ali's dms the very second jonathan hung up like OK LISTEN HERE IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY WHEN HE CALLS YOU, HE CANT KNOW I TOLD YOU ANY OF THIS -ali called me half an hour later like "omg we had such a good talk i love jonathan now deadass, i told him exactly what you said to say and he's so down" -presumably in the morning jonathan will call me and say "wow had a great talk with ali he seems cool and great and he said he'd vote keegan, what did he tell you?" and i can say "yeah same he mentioned keegan so i think we're good!" and jonathan will feel like we Did This Together and ali will feel like i Did This For Him and everyone will be in love with me -all i have to do tomorrow is make sure zoe is on board & that she doesn't feel pushed, and prob call keegan and make him some vague promises about working together long term, and then cross my fingers that i don't get blindsided during my editorial meeting at 9pm est i am having so much fun

i just keep thinking about how funny it’s gonna be when we get to merge and mj tells me to vote out all these people i’ve been making f2s with and i’ll be like “okay!!!!<3”

Not to go back to INV this round, but not much has been going on. I've been keeping up socializing but since we're not going to tribal it's been more quiet than it has been last round. I'm really glad we won though bc I feel vulnerable if we go to tribal again. Cindi seems close to Nathan, and Nathan and Jessie seem closer to each other than they will be to me so I'm worried I'd be an easy vote. So I'm really hoping for a swap or merge tonight, or at least a challenge we can excel in. Don't want it to come down to one point again.

^_^ Okay, so no important updates with this tribe! It's freaking QUIET. I haven't talked to Zach or Silver at ALL since being with this tribe. I've talked to Jules a lot and Asya some, though. I'd like to work with the two of them if possible and if we ever go to tribal here, which I don't want to do because uhhh it's worrisome! Anyway, the only actual update I have is that I found the legacy advantage!!! Randomly at like 2AM I found it. I don't remember what I was doing exactly... I think I just went to watch the Circi round 3 tribal and then the Trian round 4 tribal... and then I think I went to watch the Tribe Swap video to see if there was some sort of announcement made regarded the Oxygen Tank amounts because I was confused why that number was changed more than double. I guess I was also thinking that since the hosts didn't make an announcement that the adventure was resetting at the swap then MAYBE there would be a new twist/advantage inserted elsewhere for this next phase of the game? Now, being the crackhead that I am, of course back on original tribes, I SEARCHED everywhere on the blog that I could think of. Extenders URLs, the source code, hidden hyperlinks - everything. Nothing was there. But in this case, my brain said, hmm, let's just scroll down and see if there's anything in the description of the Tribe Swap Youtube video...and... there was!! I didn't really know what it was at first but when I opened it everything CLICKED! Finally the Reem Cameo from launch night serving a bigger purpose made total sense. After seeing this link in the description though and realizing it was calling back to something we were told about night one, I went back and checked to see if this had been hidden all along, and of course it's literally in the description of the Cast Reveal video!!! and every other video after that!!! Keeping in mind that I found this 11 days into the game, I was like, oh there's definitely some nerd that found this instantly on night 1 so I'm probably just gonna get a message saying nothing here or something like that. Obviously that wasn't the case though. I think nobody found this because I lot of people operate via mobile in these, and Youtube descriptions require an addition click to reveal what's there. Alternatively, for desktop users, who the hell is scrolling down for any reason while you're watching videos from your ORG?? It's nothing something anyone does naturally. So that explains that. Anyway, I'm happy I found it even though it has absolutely no use until Day 39. I will say though that having this and knowing that, it has really motivated me to get to the end of this game. Coincidentally, HOURS before I found this, I had a conversation with Jules about how quiet this tribe has been and that I'd like to start working towards bettering our positions moving forward seeing as there are people here with more/stronger connections than either of us. I just love that I found an advantage that motivates me to start playing this game, exactly how I'd voiced to Jules about feeling a desire to start doing SOMETHING. We love a live narrative!!!! Anyway, I'm not gonna tell Jules about the legacy advantage because it's an advantage that incentivizes people to vote out the owner and have it passed on. I trust Jules, we go YEARS back and have to successful runs as allies under our belts, but this is just something I'd like to keep to myself. Earlier today I also decided that I'm probably never gonna tell Ari about it either if our paths ever (hopefully) cross in this game. I wanna surprise my bestie! At any rate, Jules did tell me that Zach and Asya seem like the type of players that only play on tribal days (at least in this case of this game) which is fine, but I've played a few super intense, intimate, and high-stakes ORGs in the past couple of years which has made me prioritize personal relationships with people over barebones game relationships. This makes dealing with people who aren't that interested in getting to know me or revealing themselves to me a SUPER off-putting experience and a drastic change of pace from what I've become accustomed to. But I'm totally capable of adapting to this environment... I just don't necessarily prefer it. I feel like I have room to connect with Asya on a personal level if given the chance. Zach and Silver I don't know. Although, I do think that if we ever lose immunity here I could for sure spit some game to Silver that would make him believe I want to work with him. I already have an idea of how that conversation goes, and the potential negative consequence of it is practically non-existent on this swap tribe, whereas it could have backfired on me if original Trian lost that third challenge. Anyway, I'll get into that whenever we lose or if I get bored and initiate that chat just to feel something lol

No tribal ever again until merge or swap please. Jessie would be the one I'd want out and I assume Jay would as well but she has Nathan's shard so, like, he'd lose that and then I lose my hope of getting both their shards and misplaying my first idol because I'm not good at survivor

Yayyyy we won immunity. Idk what much else to say except that I got 40 fuel tanks

today i am mad and sad. lost the challenge, was my fault bc purple not pink. no i will not elaborate. now ari jonathan and i have decided to save ali and vote out keegan. i hope it goes well. i am filled with anxiety. i don’t even want keegan to go, we just have to make the decision based on the fact that we don’t want to be seen as a tight alliance going into merge, and keegan can make it look like there was a crack therefore not making us look strong. but he is just sacrificial unfortunately. but we’ll see how it goes. i’m still anxious

Wow we won what a concept See what happens when we don’t throw comps ? Anyways yeah that’s it I guess lol

Honestly I I'm done with these hoes I'm ready to vote off Keegan 

This is definitely a very stressful and emotional tribal. I hate that we’re voting for Ali because he is a genuinely fantastic person and under different circumstances I think we could have worked really well together in this game. But when there’s a 4-1 tribe swap and the four of us have absolutely no beef with each other, there’s not a whole lot that can be done. None of my other 3 OG Andro players come across as big move players either. So unless I’m being straight up lied to and am about to get completely blindsided, it’s looking like a unanimous Ali boot. Which is incredibly sad. I really wanted us to win out until merge so we wouldn’t have to vote him out. But such is the game. Keegan signing off (hopefully not for the last time)

#toinfinityandsurvive

[skinks]

Pure Moments i want to remember about my conversation with nothing,nowhere the other night that will be of no importance to anyone else, but where else am i gonna put them huh, it’s my blog:

he had a fractured, or maybe it was a broken ankle? he broke it running and while on bedrest watched all of stranger things in two days. they made him take his cast off at customs lmao

likes synthwave. likes kavinsky!!!

i can’t get over this but he’s smol, like 5′5′’ or 6" maybe

when he first came over and hugged me he was like “aaaah you got the hoodie!” and i told him i had my reaper shirt on too and he said “oh you’re doubled up!!” skdfkjlskdj

it was a GOOD HUG MY DUDES no one arm dealio, no sir, he came at me with his arms out and we HUGGED. i probably said “hi, oh my god”

i think i managed to stutter about how amazing the set was and how much i loved the huge drums, and he was like “oh thanks yeah, we tried to make it-” and that’s when the others came over

one of them asked where the tour was headed next and he couldn’t remember so he went RUMMAGING down the front of his multiple huge layers til he found his lanyard, peered at it, and said “…. birming-ham?????” cute™

said “harry potter is sick” and then got really excited when we told him about the studio tour in london

has cute lil pointy TEETH

im p sure he’s vegan, and he’s big into nature and outdoorsy ecofriendly living, and talked about wanting to start a kind of sustainable community. said he’s rly interested in, and wants to teach bushcraft “and like…. chopping wood” but he said it so lamely after all the passion, it was funny as fuck. someone said he should visit the isle of skye and he was like “that sounds like something from skyrim!”

he said he saw us in the crowd cause we were being… Fairly enthusiastic

said his family are really supportive; i asked if his parents like his music and he got this really shy look and nodded, then told us he went home recently and opened the door to find them playing his album and he was like “mom you’re embarrassing me”

i mentioned this in my other post but i can’t believe we like the same fucking philosopher, how goddamn wanky is that

the other girl had done her own n,n print on her shirt and he took photos and when we were on the train home she got notifications saying he liked the posts on ig…. a sweetheart…

when we were talking about other soundcloud musicians i mentioned loving his collab with yung jza and he said “oh yeah, that dude is super underrated”

he told us his old rap name in like 2006 was “average joe” lmfhgkshfsk

he went to film school, and i saw an opportunity to ask him something i’d always wondered about. on this collab album he made with a producer called oilcolor, there’s a song that uses a sample from a movie, so i said “of all the movies, i was not expecting The Vow” and he started laughing and said “that was oilcolor! he was like ‘i think this’d be tight’ and i was like ‘hmmmmmmmmmm’ and he was like ‘nah trust me, this’ll be tight’ and i was like ‘…….yeah, this is tight’”

it was rly fuckin funny how he said it. saddest emotrap boy n,n thinks the vow starring channing tatum and rachel mcadams is tight

he’s made mountain dew commercials, but now he gets to make music full time which is awesome

i asked if he listened to metal and he said sometimes he skates to older stuff, like iron maiden, and he asked what i’m into and i promptly FORGOT EVERY METAL BAND I’VE EVER HEARD and i said “uhhh, like, more modern stuff” and he went “like gojira?” and i agreed and he said something else but i couldn’t hear

he likes the movies the revenant and captain fantastic

at one point we were talking about the merch (when i bought my hoodie the merch guy asked which shirt i had and i showed him, and he was like “aw man, i’m his friend and i don’t even have that one!” lmao) and i said that i liked the shirt his merch guy was wearing, and we were all peering over at the dude when he looked up, and n,n was like “we’re just making fun of you, don’t worry” jghskdgllhgfhafd

he used to do muay thai!!! i meant to ask if he liked martial arts movies but i forgot :’( next time fer sure

told us Xclusives about upcoming music, shhh

we talked about music a ton obviously and i mentioned this soundcloud rapper collective called disaster club cause i’ve been listening to both their songs all summer and he was like “disaster club? i’m in disaster club” and i thought i misheard him so i was like “wh-what? no fuckin way!”. he said something like, he’s on the producing side but he should try and get on a track and it blew my mind a little

he’s learning the piano, we were talking about making music and i said i played it and he was like “that’s so cool! i’m trying to learn”

he was just… so open about his life, for someone whose persona surrounding the music is so anonymous and defensive, it was really wonderful. plus he was super patient about photos and other ppl coming up to our little convo

one dude came up and was like “you’re welcome back any time, any venue, small venue, my house, my bedroom……… uh- my spare bedroom” and he just laughed and thanked him the dude was actually tungle user suppressyourdemons and in fact said: “ "You're welcome back to the uk at any time, your band can stay in my bedroom (then thought that sounded sketchy) so said spare bedroom" “ sorry i misquoted you my dude, joe was appreciative regardless

shdjjfjckfjsg I forgot that at one point my new pal cammy told him that he listens to his stuff at the gym and n,n was laughing cause his stuff is Sad and totally not workout music, and I was like "so people think you're sweating but it's actually tears?" and he laughed more. I stole that joke from a post about drake but whatever, it made him laugh 

OH YEAH i didn’t realise at the time but he signed my album by underlining his name with a lil reaper scythe… cause skully/reaper motif… idk that’s super goddamn adorable to me. i’m hugging it to my chest rn because two days later i’m still an emotional wreck

he gave my pen back and was like “that is a dope fuckin pen by the way” or something to that effect, then i DROPPED IT and he went to pick it up but he had a broked up foot so i did instead

i know this is all mundane as fuck to you if you’re reading this but i don’t waNT TO FORGET ANYTHING! nothing fuckin nowhere was gonna get my pen for me cause i’m a doofus! he hugged me twice lads! fuck!!

i asked what his favourite video was to make and we joked about the hearse in skully and he was like “yeah that’s just my regular car”

we were all talking at once about our favourite songs of his and i said “bedhead always makes me cry” and he was like “aw man, bedhead? that’s old school” and he looked pleased ;u; 

said he basically wears Hiking Dad clothes all the time

he was great at listening to everything we had to say, he would look and focus on each of us, just as interested in us as we were in him and i’m so so so soosososoo happy i got to experience all of this

fhskjglsgkj while we were talking about disaster club, for some tangential reason i mentioned kpop because one of the verses in a disaster club track starts by quoting exo’s kokobop, and before the word “kpop” was barely even out of my mouth he was like “shimmy shimmy kokobop?”

nothing,nowhere, who i think by now you know means a great deal to me, quoted exo lyrics at me. there’s a reason the whole night feels like a surreal hallucination and that’s why i’m writing all of this down

i mentioned how, when he still had a tumblr i’d written a post and he’d reblogged and replied to it AND HE REMEMBERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he was like “oh yeah, that was a long time ago!”

I KNEW IT WAS HIM WHEN THEY CAME ONSTAGE AT FIRST FOR TWO REASONS! (u gotta remember i’d never seen his face before except for his skullface in the skully video) he was wearing a misogi hoodie, who’s another great soundcloud producer, but the font was like a black metal band lmao. the second reason was his nose. a good nose

the boi’s got Incredible cheekbones. he’s cute as hell but then i’m biased

put his arm right round my shoulder for the photo so i did the same ahhhhhhhhh

i told him how, when i first started listening to his music my main thought was always “is this dude ok?!” and he told us he’s doing better and putting it all into the music and tbh it’s a relief, like. listening to his music has always been cathartic for me,but at the same time i’ve worried about whoever was behind all that pain, for him to be able to write so clearly about depression. but he’s doing well! he said so! i’m extremely glad!

we were talking about the next time he’d be back in the uk and i said hopefully i’d have an n,n tattoo by then and he laughed and said “i don’t even have one yet, and it’s my band! i need to get one”

then we were all joking about something and i said “when you get even bigger, don’t forget about us” meaning the three of us there and he was like “i won’t!”

then he thanked us so goddamn gratefully for coming and said he had to get his cast boot back on his ankle, and i know, i know i am AWARE of how juvenile this sounds but when he hugged us goodbye he hugged me first. i know i was to his immediate left, but it still left me warm and fuzzy

LIKE!!! if that’s how nice it feels to be hugged by someone you’re a fan of, someone to whom you’re, well, just a fan - hugging a s/o must be magical

i’ve hugged so many friends this year. and troy baker. AND NOTHING,NOWHERE! TWICE! 

ok bye

#[aerosmith's don't wanna miss a thing playing deafeningly in the distance] #i pray to god he never sees this #he deleted his tumblr a while back so it's ok #nothingnowhere #nothing nowhere #joe mulherin

[discorclcallout-blog]

this is a callout for tumblr/twitter user @discorcl

tw for : ableism, racism, incest apologism, and manipulation

op note: i am not the person that zee is talking about. im his friend. please keep this in mind. 

please also keep in mind that my friend’s name thru-out this is “ Grass “

zee is white and uses she/they pronouns.

zee’s ableism:

[ image of a post that says: “ i love it when friends go into explicit detail into killing themselves repeated times in a week and never actually attempt! 

i love it when friends talk about how depressed they are but don’t explain why! 

i love how i have to pretend it does not trigger me and keep my cool!! even though they fucking pussy out in the end” ]

zee straight up doesnt care about mentally ill friends and claims that they “pussy out” from committing suicide like. what a great friend.

[ image of two tweets. the first tweet is someone saying “oh my god i just remembered.. im in a bpd discord server from tumblr and its the most ugly toxic shit ever. ive had it muted for months” 

zee replies to this tweet with:  “ no offense but... what was expected “ ]

thats pretty blatant ableism, zee.

zee’s racism:

i dont have visual proof of her racism happening but as my friend (and the person zee keeps vaguing and namedropping after 5 months of the friendship dropping) vaguely recalls:

[ image of me and my friend discussing zee’s racism. my friend’s memory isnt the best at times, and so he can forget things half the time. here, my friend asks: “ my memory is bad whatd she do? What racist things “

i replied with ; “ she called u white multiple times “ ( which he has told me in the past that this is what she did )

he said ; “ OH yeah. shes gonna tell me im racefaking i know it but like i cant remember but i know she did “ ]

grass is a mixed individual, and calling mixed people white is racist.

i am not going to delve deeper as i do not have the evidence to further lay accusations on her for this.

[ image of zee tweeting : “homie ur 3 of the dam Gorillaz What Are YOu doing” ]

homie is AAVE, and she has been told multiple times by nonwhite people to stop using it, yet she continues to do so. 

HERE are more screenshots of grass telling me racist things zee did.

zee’s incest apologism: 

zee likes a 1990′s adult cartoon titled “Duckman” - she often draws art and encourages other individuals to watch it. she has often drawn self-insert art with him and themself.

[ image of a curiouscat anon asking

“i dont know you personally but why do you self insert with Duckman when he’s been established as a racist misogynistic asshole who fetishizes incest? “

zee replies with;

“ it’s for personal coping reasons. DM me on the site of your choice and ill elaborate. ( he’s also transphobic but yet i’m somehow not appalled by that either... i think its because his character develops against bigotry randomly but then regresses?)  ]

this is a synopsis of a duckman episode:

[ there is a link here for those who do not want to see the image. it has nsfw elements. ]

bernice is duckman’s sister. there is literal incest in the show, as well as transphobia as zee says. which somehow she is okay with transphobia? which makes her transmisogynistic.

zee’s manipulation:

before i go into the background with zee’s manipulation of grass, i would like to post that i had confronted zee earlier today about her name-dropping of grass.

[ image of zee’s tweet from yesterday (which has since been Deleted.) of her namedropping grass. 

“ like this post if you use miitomo but aren’t friends with grass please i need more people “ ]

this name-drop is what cause me, the op, to confront zee about her name-dropping of grass. i sent her an ask which stated: 

[ an ask stating: “ hey. you dont know me but you do know my friend, grass. he told me of the name dropping you did yesterday, and he’s tried to @ you multiple times for you to stop, yet you’ve ignored him. can you stop name dropping him. 

you havent spoken to him since last year. he stopped being friends with you for a reason and there is literally no reason for you to continuously vague and name-drop him when he doesnt do those things about you AT ALL unless its a response to your own damn vagues and/or namedrops. ]

zee responded back to me trying to manipulate me into hating grass. 

zee claimed that the vagues were about another tumblr user, yet :

[ image of two tweets. the first tweet asks if anyone still uses miitomo. zee replies with:

“ i used to but some1 i don’t like still uses it so -_- “ ]

grass and zee were friends on miitomo, which is where the namedrop came from. hence why grass knew the vague was about him. 

zee claimed that she namedropped grass because “ i wanted to go on miitomo without him hassling me like he did over an inside joke. “ 

the link above links to what zee considers "hassling” which is an image of grass saying “hey uh... zee.. you heard of jokes?”  the inside joke that zee is referring to one of grass’ friends who posted an ironic picture saying “ im normal, im white, christian straight etc etc “ and zee commented with “but ( x ) you arent even white! “ and grass and his friend was joking around with “thats the joke, zee.” 

okay, zee. 

1. he checks your twitter and blog because you keep vaguing and namedropping him. it is out of paranoia. he’s not stalking you. 

2. she says “i havent thought of him in a while” yet went up to multiple friends of grass’ and asked if he was still using miitomo cause “she didnt want to get yelled at” ( grass talks about it here )

3. zee did not cut him off scott free for grass acting as a victim. GRASS was the one who wanted to cut off zee because she made him uncomfortable and refused to acknowledge it. ( skype logs )

4. grass was not the one sending anonymous memes. the person doing so was his friend, who did it without grass’ knowledge (he found out a month later about it.) 

zee no one who gets name dropped would mind their own business, just saying.

the link that zee sent me was the link to the skype logs. as you can see from them, grass wanted to end the friendship because HE was uncomfortable by her. he did not abuse her by saying that he wanted to end the friendship.

at the end of the reply zee gave me was that she blocked me because i have her on my do not follow if you follow. i have her there because of these reasons. she makes grass uncomfortable, and continues to talk about him despite the uncomfortable friendship having ended LONG ago.

here are other bits from the skype chat logs.

#discorcl #callout

[zenithgays]

Chapters: 5/5 Fandom: Fire Emblem Heroes Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Summoner | Eclat | Kiran/Alfonse/Bruno | Zacharias Characters: Alfonse (Fire Emblem), Bruno | Zacharias, Summoner | Eclat | Kiran Additional Tags: Polyamory, Fluff and Humor, Angst, Literal Sleeping Together, Alternate Universe - Soulmates Published: 2018-07-16 Completed: 2018-07-20 Total Word Count:4823 Summary:

a collection of unrelated kiran/alfonse/bruno one-shots for tumblr user polyshipprompts' polyship week

my thoughts under the cut, it’s a REALLY long post this time because i’m covering all 5 chapters instead of making 5 separate posts

alright so. polyship week is something i try to do once a year over on @polyshipprompts, i basically give everyone tags to use prompts from for each day and just let them all go wild. 2016 i chickened out of posting anything because i just wrote for my ocs (one of those eventually got posted but not until a long time afterwards). 2017... there was no polyship week. i had planned to move it to winter, and then my laptop broke and i couldn’t really host it from mobile since i never use mobile tumblr

2018 was back to summer, though i think i held it earlier than i did in 2016. and i also decided “fuck it, let’s participate” so... i did. posting this is also reminding me that soon enough (in a couple of months) i need to start thinking about this year’s polyship week

anyway. i wrote kiran/bruno/alfonse (i’m calling the ship kirbrufonse, i hope more people make content for them and use this ship name so it catches on) because i was like “hm. ot3... well. this is the only thing coming to mind”

all the chapters have the prompts i picked in them already, i think most of them were prompts i came up with in the first place. it’s kinda funny

also i HAVE a summoner oc and i use him in all my fics that involve the summoner. kiran’s actually his nickname, but i use it instead of his actual name (cirino) so i don’t have to explain that to people. it’s fine

day 1 was fluff. it turned out a little bit more humorous than i thought/hoped but i still like it

of course it involves sleeping, because it’s me and that tends to come up in a lot of my fics (fun fact! “you and i have come such a long way” keeps getting called the “sleeping together” series by some of my friends. i guess that’s fair, my titles are pretty wordy bc i take them from song lyrics)

favorite part: Kiran married Alfonse, so technically the two of them were husbands. But that wasn’t the point, nor did Bruno particularly want to pursue that conversational topic because they’d had the discussion before. Many times, in fact. Kiran still felt like it wasn’t a completely valid marriage, even though Feh was technically ordained and qualified to perform the ceremony.

day 2... angst. tbh i don’t usually write angst, i’m not really about writing things that feel hopeless! feels like any time i do it, it’s more for someone else? which is okay with me

i came up with this weird au for this that i will literally never write because it confused the hell out of me to even think about. basically it involved kiran meeting modern reincarnations of alfonse and bruno. bruno remembered his past life, alfonse didn’t (and bruno hadn’t told him yet because it seems hard to believe). and the three of them got close again, even starting to date, AND THEN canon!bruno and alfonse figure out how to temporarily open portals to kiran’s world and... yeah. yeah it’s a clusterfuck. i think you can see why i didn’t and won’t actually write anything involving it. it’s just fun to think about a little

also i keep going back and forth on whether or not time passes here while kiran’s in askr? for the angst factor, i went with not for this fic since the idea of it being like nothing ever happened was too good to pass up. however i probably could’ve gone with yes, time did pass, and it’s suddenly years later which is... kinda horrifying to think about honestly! like did people think kiran died? (probably) how would he, or anyone, explain what happened? Who Knows

i could speculate on this some more, especially with regards to other heroes, too, because it is fucking INTERESTING and i have things to say on it but also this post is already real long and i have 3 more fics to cover so maybe some other time

favorite part:  “... Alright,” Kiran said, pulling the princes into a hug, sniffling only a little when they both held tight to him. “I’ll miss you.” He turned his head to kiss Alfonse on the cheek. “Both of you,” he amended, doing the same to Bruno.

“We’ll miss you, as well,” Bruno murmured, rubbing his hand up and down Kiran’s back.

Alfonse buried his face in Kiran’s shoulder. “I promise, one day, we’ll figure out how to get back to you.”

Kiran nodded. “Right. This isn’t goodbye forever. It’s just for now.” Maybe if he said that enough, he’d believe it, himself.

day 3! silly. god i wish i could think of a better name for that tag on the blog

it’s... another fic involving sleeping! alright. it also didn’t turn out as funny as i’d hoped it would. somehow my fluff fic was more humorous than this, at least in my opinion. it’s not a bad fic, by any means, but it sure isn’t how i wanted it to be

so my kiran’s a college student. communications major, which was an effort to make sure he wasn’t a self-insert since i was a liberal arts major. when i was in college (and even in high school tbh) i would stay up super late at night working on stuff, too. it’s not good, though, kids. don’t do it (i say, even though i STILL stay up until like 3 am most nights... it’s different now bc i don’t usually need to wake up before like 10 or 11)

rereading this to think of things to say about it reminds me how cute this is, honestly. i really am a sucker for characters sleeping together

favorite part:  “I’ll be done, soon, I prom--” Kiran was cut off as Alfonse pulled him down to the bed, moving so he was partly on top of his partner.

Kiran sometimes forgot about how strong Alfonse could be, but being pretty much pinned in place like this would ensure he never forgot again. “You’re heavy,” Kiran groaned, trying-but-not-really to push Alfonse off with his free hand.

“Be thankful it’s me and not Bruno doing this,” Alfonse quipped, and Kiran could feel his smile against his shoulder.

day 4 is au! aus are hard to write sometimes because they require like... being set up so you aren’t just thrust into everything without any idea what’s going on. luckily, i had the excuse of writing kiran as the pov character so i could explain things because he also wouldn’t be used to this

this day gave me some trouble. i made three separate attempts at this day. first attempt was like... a modern day college au that involved alfonse being set up by his parents with a childhood friend of his (zacharias) but because alfonse wasn’t interested in dating someone he hadn’t spoken to in years, he and kiran ended up fake dating for some kind of dinner they were all going to. but, true to fake dating form, they both actually had crushes on each other already

being polyship week, there’s really only one way for that to end: alfonse realizing “oh shit, he really is cute and i do still like him” about zacharias and then asking him out TOO in addition to clearing things up with kiran

i think i got stuck on Why alfonse’s parents would set him up w/ zacharias because i didn’t like the idea i had for it, so i ended up ditching it

attempt two was another soulmate au, this being one of the ones where you have your soulmate’s name on your wrist. but it was a zenith thing, not an “our world” thing. so alfonse and sharena had names, but kiran didn’t. sharena had fjorm’s name, though i don’t think i wrote that far ahead. fjorm/sharena is a cute ship and i should absolutely write something for it some time. but i did write abt sharena, who is trans because she’s trans in all my fics whether i mention it or not, being worried about what name her soulmate would have on her wrist. i probably wasn’t gonna follow up on that since it’s an ot3 fic but fjorm would absolutely have had the name sharena on her wrist

BUT THAT’S VERY MUCH NOT THE POINT anyway, alfonse has bruno’s name on his wrist... which has him thinking he hasn’t met his soulmate since bruno was going by a different name at the time (zacharias, of course)

i think what tripped me up is i tried to add in something about how the names would be on someone’s wrist in the handwriting they had at the age they’d meet? so it’d be implied he already met his soulmate but he wouldn’t know, which i think made things a little difficult for me to continue. had i gone on, i obviously would’ve gone through the reveal that bruno was alfonse’s soulmate

and i didn’t link what prompt i was using in my document like a fool. assumably it’s one of the ones i wrote about how soulmates aren’t The most important people possible, and people can have good relationships with people that aren’t their soulmates

what i’m saying is, alfonse and kiran would’ve gotten together anyway despite not being soulmates. i really can’t remember where i was going with this one though, tbh

anyway those both got scrapped bc i had issues with them, but third time’s the charm and i ended up w/ a red string soulmate au instead

i felt so bad writing kiran turning the both of them down even knowing the ending! i was like “no... come on, you could all be happy together” despite knowing exactly how i wanted this fic to end

i remember this one actually came pretty easily to me, thank god

one of my favorite things about it, that i don’t think many people might’ve picked up on, is the section with kiran and bruno. i mention there being too much food for two people, and kiran passing alfonse in the hallway as he’s rushing back to his room

what i was implying, and what i don’t think many people picked up on, was that alfonse was going to join the two of them so they could all talk about it (intending to tell kiran they were soulmates)

i don’t have any reasoning for bruno being able to see the strings between him, alfonse, and kiran. bruno can’t see everyone’s strings, it’s just those two because they’re his soulmates. but not everyone can see the strings, not even of their soulmates. really my reasoning was just “that’s how i can make this fic work” so i... did it. it’s fine

favorite part: Bruno averted his eyes, laughing nervously. “Well… I might have… fallen in love with you.” At Kiran’s face falling, Bruno went on, saying, “At first I was just grateful that you were so willing to help me. I’ve heard your eagerness to bring me home rivaled even Alfonse’s. But then, when I was finally back here in Askr, I got to see your kindness firsthand. It wasn’t just you wanting to repay a debt. You’re just compassionate by nature.“

You didn’t see me as Bruno, Prince of Embla. You saw me as an equal. I wasn’t used to it. I’m still not. The only people who treat me like an equal now are those who knew me when I was in hiding. It was more than a little refreshing.”

day 5 was a free day, where i could choose literally any prompt on the blog that i wanted. this one also gave me trouble and took 3 attempts to do. the other two both involved clothes swapping, which is another thing i’m weak for. one of those fics also had trans kiran and trans bruno in a way that was more than implied but still not like the center of the fic. honestly it’s something i should work on because i need people to know characters are trans when they read my fics, but i can’t just tag it without it being something actually PART of the fic

anyway. the end result i got was basically written the day it was posted, and like i said in the notes on it, written while i’d only gotten 3 hours of sleep. geo, my beta reader, is literally the reason this fic was any good at all. i’m not that fond of it personally? it’s not bad, exactly, just i don’t really like it much

i think parts of it were pretty good, and i did kind of like having kiran and bruno be the ones to get together first, instead of kiran and alfonse or alfonse and bruno. i should totally write some more about the dynamic between the three of them+in pairs.

i do like that i had alfonse sandwiched between kiran and bruno at one point. that was good and very galaxy brain of me. thanks to geo for helping me properly explain that part because it was very important to me people knew how the three of them were positioned

favorite part: Still, he stepped back, allowing the door to swing open more. The very moment Zacharias closed it behind him, Kiran practically threw himself at Alfonse. “We’re sorry!” Kiran cried out, pulling Alfonse into a surprisingly tight hug. The only reason the two of them hadn’t toppled over due to it was that Zacharias was upon them in the next instant, pulling them both upright. He also spun them around in the process, so Alfonse’s back was up against his friend’s chest.

aaaand since this post is technically about 5 different fics, i might as well include...

favorite fic: it’s a hard choice, but probably day 3! it might not have turned out how i wanted it to go, but i think it was probably the best of the bunch. i’m also super proud of day 2 and day 4, though

#fe alfonse #fe bruno #fe zacharias #fe kiran #kirbrufonse #fics #I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED THIS TO MY MAIN BLOG AT FIRST #i'm. big mad lmao #but that's what i get for writing this super late at night #i need to sleep i spent hours on this post lmao

[katmac95]

Why the fuck do I have PTSD?

Some first blog post, eh?

I’ll be using this blog to say things that are a bit too long for Twitter, but things I still feel the need to say.

First, I want to talk about my PTSD and why I have it. 

Some people don’t like talking about their trauma. I need to. I don’t enjoy talking about it, but it does make me feel freer when I do. It gets it out of my head and off my chest, so to speak. And that helps me.

This post may not be pretty but it’s not supposed to be. The stuff I’m going to share is all very raw and rough, so its delivery will reflect that.

*deep breath* 

I’ll start from the beginning, I guess.

From the time I was small, my father beat my mother. Often, he did this in front of me. My mom left my father with me in tow after sixteen months of marriage, and they were divorced shortly after. I still remember him coming after us with a knife when I was a baby. I remember times when I’d hide behind the toilet and refuse to let anyone touch me. I remember screaming at the top of my lungs because I was scared to death and that terrified energy had nowhere else to go.

When they divorced, my father was awarded partial custody of me by the state. God knows how a man with multiple convictions of DV and drug possession could get partial custody, but whatever. He did.

During his visitation weekends, he would often: hit me, swear at me, call me names, hit me with a belt or other objects, hit my dogs, break my things, withhold medical care (I once broke my foot under his care, and he refused to take me to a hospital), didn’t feed me (I taught myself to cook at 5 years old because of this, though he’d get angry if I tried to feed myself on the days when he wouldn’t).

And when he’d get new girlfriends, he’d beat them, too (again, in front of me). I remember one night, my dad was mad at his long-time girlfriend (they were off and on for most of my childhood) for one thing or another, and he slammed her hand in a door and broke it. I was in the next room, and I still remember her screams and the mangled mess he’d made of her hand. She filed a police report against him, and he went to jail for that.

I believe he’d been to jail quite a few times by the time I came into the world. When I was a kid, I remember him being incarcerated three separate occasions. I’m pretty sure two of those three were for domestic violence, the other for drugs. Or perhaps vice versa. I’m not sure, but his buddy would always bail his sorry, stupid ass out. Even as a kid, I remember hating that buddy, and wishing my father would stay incarcerated until I turned eighteen. At least then, I wouldn’t have had to see him.

Yeah, so, about the drugs... My dad’s drug of choice was meth. Or, well, his buddies referred to it by its street name, aka “crank”. He smoked it, sometimes around me. It smelled like sweat, cat piss, and cookies, in case you wondered. Now, meth has a rep for being one of the worst drugs on the market, with good reason.

First, there’s the rush. The person will wig the fuck out, but at least they’re “happy”-ish… It’s mania to the extreme. If depression is a low, then meth is high, HIGH, H I G H. Some people gouge their eyes out, others talk seven miles a minute and make you watch Alex Jones and read Andrew Anglin (yeah, my father was a keeper). He was never quite “gouge out his eyeballs” bad, but I do remember some weird manic shit (he once hooked a package of hamburger meat to some jumper cables from his car because the government had supposedly installed nanotechnology in this particular package of meat to spy on him).

Then would come the downward spiral when the rush began to fade. His mania would very quickly shift to irritability, anger, paranoia, and he would threaten to (or actually) beat the shit out of me for “looking at him wrong”. Or he’d threaten to kill himself if I did something he didn’t like. Or he’d threaten to drive us off a cliff, to kidnap me, or to [insert suggestion here]. Being with someone coming down from a rush is fucking terrifying, to say the least.

Finally, there’s the crash. The user will become so tired, they’ll spend entire days in bed. They don’t eat, they don’t acknowledge their responsibilities, they just kind of lie there like they’re dead for the whole weekend and get upset with you if you ask them to make you food (even though you’re a child and afraid of burning yourself on the stove because you’re not tall enough to actually reach it yet).

Through all this, my mom did pretty much nothing, despite the fact that I told her literally every single weekend that I was scared my father was going to kill me. I implored her to ask for sole custody (the fact that I knew that term at six should’ve been a clue that I knew what I was talking about), but she refused because she was scared of him. I was, too, only I couldn’t do anything about it without her help. CPS was called twice on him, but I wasn’t bruised “enough”. And my mother was too afraid to act, so nothing was done. Though I estranged myself from my father at fifteen, he had partial custody in the state’s eyes until I was eighteen.

Next up, my childhood babysitter, who was a right piece of work. Her children would steal my belongings and then claim they were theirs (I remember this little foam souvenir I got from Seattle that her kids took, and when I went to retrieve it, I was punished). This daycare provider’s methods of punishment were archaic. She and my father would’ve been great friends, I think. This woman would punish us by literally locking us in a 2x2 coat closet for hours at a time. We couldn’t sit, we had to stand. We couldn’t make noise, we had to “think about our actions”. And it was completely dark; even the gap under the door was covered. Now, I was kid who–with my trauma history–acted out a LOT (I mean, daily), so I dare say I likely spent more hours inside that closet than out of it when I was 3 and 4.

Oh, and when she was extra angry, she’d step on our hands or backs.

Yes, that sounds unbelievably barbaric. Her daycare facility was closed down in 1999 or 2000, I think, because a parent threatened to sue (or did sue, I’m not sure).

When I was young, my dad used to leave me with people I didn’t know in our neighborhood, while he… well, I don’t know what he was doing, but I’m guessing it involved something illicit. Anyway, this one time, when I was six, he left me with a teenage boy who lived across the way (my dad gave him a few dollars to babysit or whatever). And this kid had seemed nice enough. But, part of the way through the day, we rode our bikes down to the local creek to skip rocks. The boy threatened to drown me if I didn’t let him grope me. I’m not proud of this, but I acquiesced. He got mad at me for resisting, and threw me and my bike into the creek. My dad got mad at me for it.

And onto the next trauma, which is definitely in the same vein as the last. I mentally and emotionally cannot handle going into specifics here, but when I was ten, I was raped by a doctor. I was then groped by another doctor when I was eighteen. This is the only chunk of trauma I will keep relatively private, because it remains the most traumatic experience of my life and I just can’t talk about, it other than to acknowledge that it happened and that I’m terrified of doctors as a result.

Last one about my dad, I promise.

My dad would sometimes show up at places where I was (school, out to meals, etc.). These were places he was not supposed to be, mind you, as he wasn’t supposed to see me outside of visitation weekends. Sometimes, he used to threaten to kill himself/ me/ others/ pets with his rifle (the only reason I knew he had a rifle was because he kept threatening to use it). He would physically block my exits, always had to control where I was or who I was with, and liked to grab my wrists to physically restrain me. I mean, he was the epitome of abusive white male. My father is the most vile excuse for a human being that I have ever had the misfortune of knowing.

While we’re talking physical abuse, when I was a kid, I had a scout leader. This one time, when I was fifteen, she was mad at me for “mouthing off” when I refused to do something (a chore, because I’d been doing all the chores and I didn’t think it was fair that I was always working while my peers had all the fun–that was a valid complaint, btw). She got mad, came up on deck of the scout boat, grabbed me hard enough to leave bruises, dragged me down a ladder by the arm, and physically prevented me from going back above deck until I had done the stupid chore.

Because I felt unsafe, I left the program and tried to join another unit. But they turned a blind eye (because that’s scouting in America). I left the program altogether and forfeited all the awards I’d spent multiple years to earn. I failed my junior year of high school because of the resulting period of depression (I also dissociated the entire year of 2012, and don’t remember 99% of that school year).

Throughout all of this, my mother was... I mean, she tried in her way. I believe that. But when I sought comfort or told her I was suicidal, she’d say things like I was annoying or she should’ve aborted me. So, while I’m sure she cared in her way, she didn’t (or couldn’t) be what I needed in a mother. She was often just as angry and unpredictable as my father, though far less violent.

My mom also tends to shut down or change the topic if the current one makes her uncomfortable. She’d often give me the silent treatment as a kid, until I dropped whatever it was we were talking about. Or she’d yell at me/ call me names/ whatever. Unfortunately, many of these conversations had to do with my abuse, so these hurtful things often came during times when she knew I was already vulnerable. While I believe my mother cares and has always cared, she was not able to protect me as a child, and I don’t know if I can make my peace with that. She wasn’t able to be what I needed, and that has weighed on me for most of my life now.

I’ve never really had a safe adult in my life to turn to. I don’t know if anyone can be what I need, but I know I still need it. And that’s a tricky place to be. My therapist has said I should’ve been placed in foster care, and I’ve often thought maybe my life would’ve turned out different—better, even—if I had been. Though, I suppose there’s little point dwelling on this; I will never know, and I’ll have to be okay not knowing. I just wish I had a safe “chosen family” to kind of balance out all the chaos. Like an anchor, I suppose.

I have tried to kill myself three times, the most recent of these attempts in September 2017. I regularly struggle with nightmares, suicidal thoughts, shame, guilt, anger, lying (I tell people I’m fine when I’m not, or that I’m taking better care of myself than I am), trouble focusing, and the list goes on and on. I also curse like a fucking sailor, in case you hadn’t noticed (it’s angry energy that needs a place to go... I’m not punching anybody).

So, that’s why the fuck I have PTSD.

[sheilasministry]

Jesus say’s I’m learning more about Him as God Alone in Heaven. I know that I don’t sometimes want to do certain things but when I do. He Blesses me with things from Him that I didn’t understand before. He gives me information from Him through The Holy  Spirit & I can understand them well enough to Teach these things from Him to me to others around me. So if that’s not enough fun for me for now. Well I will be in my life a while, while I’m here writing for God Jehovah. That right there can be a little nerve racking but I’m here to see & do things better in my life with God Jesus & God Jehovah. They are One God but Three in Presence as One God Alone with The Holy Spirit Still. God likes to show off His Greatness to me. Well I like that, thats for sure. Okay where was I with Goldie & me some place? Oh I don’t know. God gives me some of these thing’s to write for Him. I will just let God say it the way He wants. Okay here I’am in my house right now. I got some great stuff from Him today about doing & being better then I have been. That’s good news to me. I think it’s actually great news to hear God Jehovah be I Pray somewhat happy about me doing Sermon’s online. Not in person but online. Go to; youtube.com/user/heartlineministry  & just watch some of my Sermon’s. They are not perfect with me saying the correct words all of the time. I mispronounce or make a word misinterpretation but God says it’s all practice for what is to come. But His Sermon’s I do for Him Alone. Well they all come from God Jesus & God Jehovah. So if I can take the heat of my mistakes & the jokes to come. I can expect that you can take it to if you want your own Sermon site as well. God says that is the appropriate way of saying that for now. Okay I’m here waiting for God Jehovah to start saying what He wants but He already is. You see it’s not always a great big long speech about Him as God Alone. We all already know that. So let’s say that this blog is for Him to say what He wants about Him with me. He should have a lot of fun with that. Okay I was in my life when one day I heard God’s Voice say to me; I’m here. I’m really here. I didn’t know what to think about it. I was always Praising Him like crazy & had been for about maybe two years at that point. I thought it was shorter but God says His time frame is correct. So I will go with His & not mine. Okay so I’m driving down this road by our house out in the country. Some people say the boonies but it’s in the country a little ways out of town. So I don’t hear for God for another year maybe. I don’t but God says another year. So what was that then? Well He showed Himself to me in a dream. I don’t remember that dream but God says He said to me; If you can remember anything after you wake up & I didn’t. Who does? He said you can have anything you want. Well of course  I woke up in a state of I don’t know what that dream was about. But I don’t remember God’s Presence with me either. So I never gave God an answer. Probably that’s why now He asks me while I’m awake the same question and I always say; More of you God in my life. So there goes my finances out the window for now. I could have had a big lottery ticket win. Uh huh, I’m not sure if I would have won one but God says it’s already done. He gave it to someone else. Story of my life so far. I’m here to say I want God but if I had money now I would take it & run with it. So God says He won’t let me have any as yet. So I’m here wondering if “Prayer Thought’s” will ever take off. And I don’t know how that log home is supposed to be built without money involved. God says His worries are not mine. Oh thats easy for God to say. I’m not mad. I’m laughing. He is just watching me write for Him. So anyway, I left the building of this world about three years ago. I Pray I can meet Elvis Presley soon. I don’t know how unless I’m not here anymore. God says He can arrange that. I’m not in that big of a hurry. I have Infinity to meet him if I can get his number or something of an address. Maybe I can go to Graceland & meet him there in Heaven with his family & we can sing old gospel music together Forever. So here I’am now waiting to go home to my next level of playing in pickle ball. See how God just changes the subject so much easier then any of us could ever do? That’s why I let God say it. He says it the best. So if I can get into my life longer with my pickle ball game getting better. Maybe I can live at our log home when the State games of Oregon are going on. Then I won’t have to drive our motor home. Except God will say; Time for the next tournament. So we will have to leave almost right after we win the Oregon State games. And when we do win the big event for the last time. I will have to tell my then partner’s I’m done for a while until I can have them in another tournament they can meet me in. So no one will ever believe me about this blog but I think I will give it all to God Jesus & let Him decide to say I’m in or I’m out. That could be for another event I play in sometime before my Hollywood debut with them as a new & up coming dancer. That will get a lot of heads shaking again but my friend’s still say I’m as sane as they are. Well I say they are nut’s for not wanting to know God Jesus & God Jehovah more in their life but we never discuss it. Something about me being here & if I get started. It will be like a while before I can be on the court or let them go home after they or we are finished playing. So I don’t say anything & they are fine with that to. I have a new friend but he thinks I’m way to slow. He heard I was as fast as he was. Who told him that? Not me. He thought we would win but we didn’t even place. Well I hurt myself but we wouldn’t have placed anyway. I was injured by a very sticky floor & I’m still healing from it. But that’s okay I’m still good friend’s & he say’s no more times of playing with me. I’m too old but there will maybe be a time when we might play in another tournament. He says probably not but maybe. So that’s it for my new up coming new young partner. Okay I will say this. I can’t keep up with youth. So I’m not that disappointed. Well I can but they are just so much quicker then me that I can’t move after I’m hurt in my leg. So I just let them cover for me. He said he can’t do that every time we play. I know but he did say he was good with me being injured on that dumb stupid sticky floor. They mopped it the night before & that’s when God said to me; Oh oh, you will be hurt & not 100% for this tourney. So I was & it hurt so bad. I almost quit but I said I can do this I think. Well we did good but not great. So no more sticky floors for me. I’m disappointed again but I have to keep trying to be better in my game. Too many good player’s to get involved with too many tournament’s. One person thought I had improved but she knew my age. So they said just go to her. Well it worked but not. I have a partner who said; I think I made a mistake saying yes to this person but we did okay. So that’s it for me in open event’s. So if they see this. Well that’s okay with me. I know who I’am now. I can handle me improving in the old division of event’s for tournament’s. Okay this is the deal with me. I will be just as I’am like everyone around me & then I will get better in my game. So that’s the good news but I will not get better in my foot work for now. I have an injury I have to let heal or I could re-injure it. So I’m resting it for now. Maybe in a week it might be better. God say’s not much. I pretty much tore it deep in my right leg again but this time it went down my leg. Not the tear but the pain. It was almost excruciating to be in at that moment but I stuck it out. I didn’t hurt it more but my partner couldn’t keep up with me not moving. I was afraid to move anymore. I hurt & I was getting stiff. So I will just rest it. I can stay in shape but it’s not the same as playing but God say’s He will speed up my recovery like now. I will just give it all to God & say; Thank you God Jesus & God Jehovah for helping me to recover really faster then fast this time. Let me know when I can play without re-injuring my leg. Thank you. I Pray & ask this all in Jesus Christ God’s Name Alone. amen    Okay God said He is moving in on my leg now. It still hurts to sit or walk to fast with a stretch. So I have to be prepared to be out for another day or two but it will be healed really fast. I’m not upset that I’m not playing this weekend. I just had a cold come upon me & I will be happy to even not play for another week after this. God say’s I can but I have to be careful not to run to fast to get those shot’s people can’t figure how I get. Well I hurt myself on one of those get’s. Something that doesn’t happen with people about ten to fifteen years younger then me. I know it will not be long for some of them to say I just hurt myself. I think I will be off for a while. I have a friend who said that about this weekend of playing pickle ball. He said he was resting his shoulder. So the older we get. The older we will still be when it all is healed but it still is not quite the same. So my leg is okay for now but God says because He is seeing me saying Praise God so much these days. That He will heal it as much or more in time. I have to wait & see how long but God say’s not too long down the road. Give it maybe another week or two & it will feel better but then I have to let it heal from the inside out. So that means a while down the road. I don’t have a gift of asking Him to heal it sooner. He can but He wants me to ask Him. So I will here. I Pray God  Jesus & God Jehovah that I will be healed by you so much faster then I think. That I will be out running those shot’s again over my head. Thank you God Jesus & God Jehovah. I Pray & ask this all in Jesus Christ God’s Name Alone. amen.   God say’s He will let me decide between this healing or a healing in my heart in my body. I have some cholesterol build up but He say’s it’s gone now. I was going to have Him heal that. I know that’s important. But I have to not eat so much during the Holiday’s from now on. So I will try not to eat very many of my niece’s great cookies. I haven’t had more then one today. I will not eat much more today or later or even tonight. I Pray I won’t. So I Pray & ask that all in Jesus Christ God’s Name Alone. amen  So I have no desire to eat much more. Only when I get hungry & that’s going to be mixed vegetables for tonight. So I want to say something about me & others around me now. I’m not into me at all but I know I can be abrupt at times & even a little temperamental. So here’s the thing with me. If I’m here to be with someone & their not. I get like what is up with you. Did I say something or do something wrong to upset you? No is the answer but I think I’m waiting for a yes on that one. But God say’s it’s not me. It’s the way people are raised & no one say’s anything to them about respecting people around them who cares about them like a lot. So here I’am & here I go. I’m not going into it but I can say this. If someone goes out of their way to do something for you personally. Just say thank you & I’m wanting it or no I’m good. Just something like that. But if it’s like well I’m not ready to be with you yet. Well then I will say this to them but not really but I did. Okay I just spent quite a bit of time making sure people were covered that’s all. So I just want a quick yes or no here & then we are done for the evening. Well it didn’t work out that way. I got the cold shoulder but that’s how they are in real life. If things aren’t quite right. Well they get miffed at me or anyone around them. So well okay, I didn’t do anything at that time to do or say anything at all to that person I’m crazy about. But they decided to be ornery to me at that very moment. I thought I was going to just say it. Hey don’t be so disrespectful to me please. Or I will just take this stuff back to my place. Then you can just wear what you want to stay warm up there in that old cold mountain. Okay they might think it’s them. Let them but I will have other times that will happen to me. Great I don’t know who but maybe. So that’s it for that story. Kind of tick’s me off. I usually say; Wow thanks I really appreciate you taking the time to do this. I have missed the boat a few times but that was a different time in my life. So I will just say this. I’m proud of my two kid’s. They are polite but so far they haven’t taken me out to a Mother’s day or a Father’s day dinner or lunch. We are both still waiting on that one. So that’s it for now. Time for more tweeting before I head down to the barn to watch a movie. Bye for now people. amen

#gospel god jesus bible savior christ master christian religion sermon eternity