#now imagine you have to do a spoken interview in that

[reiderwriter]

Show You What Devotion Is ❤️‍🔥

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Genre: SMUT, fluff, MINORS DNI 18+

Word count:..... 12k...

Summary: After a lustful encounter on the jet, you and Spencer decide to try out a friends-with-benefits relationship. What you didn't expect was for his sex drive to be so high, and your need for him to lead you to his bed every night of the week.

Warnings: So many 💀, oral (M and F receiving), public sex multiple times, multiple creampies, protection never mentioned, fingering, car sex, alcohol consumption, pet names, degradation, sir kink I think at some point, choking, mentions of spit and other bodily fluids, I'm sure there are more, too.

A/N: Well. Here it is. Big thank you to Jungkook for releasing the song that gave me this fic idea that I was fully convinced was just going to be a nice little song about the number seven. Here's my masterlist, and my requests and asks are open if you want to shout at me for writing 12,000 words of filth! Settle down somewhere comfy for this one 💀 Song inspo:

Monday

The jet was calm and quiet with just the two of you on it as you stretched yourself out over the seats, desperate to find a comfortable position to curl up in and find some sleep. You had been out the entire weekend on a death-row interview, and after three days of dealing with high security prison inmates and their guards, you were feeling a bit restless. You hated the feeling of being cooped up in there, even if you knew you’d be getting out eventually.

You were just thankful that they’d sent you in the jet, because you sure as hell couldn’t imagine driving back right now. And as your only company was Reid, who wasn’t a fan of driving himself, especially over such long distances, it would have been a crappy end to an even crappier weekend. You looked up at the man now, and realised he was also trying his best to fall asleep, but he had a tense look on his face, and he was shifting in his seat, unable to get comfortable.

“Can’t sleep either?” you asked him, finally accepting that you probably weren’t going to get any relief any time soon. His eyes shot open, and he looked at you, finally registering that it was you that had spoken to him and not some figment of his imagination.

“Something like that, yeah,” he said, and looked away, letting the silence fall over you again.

“Do you want to maybe play cards or something?” you asked hopefully, desperate to find something to do for the last hour of your flight. From everything you’d learned about the man opposite you in your six months as a member of the BAU, you knew it probably wasn’t a good idea challenging him. But between being absolutely destroyed at cards and being caught in the discomfort of exhaustion with no ability to sleep, you’d choose the card games any day.

Besides, you could do with learning a little bit more about your coworker anyway. Despite earning your place on the team, and befriending most of the others pretty easily, Reid had always seemed a bit standoffish to you. He was always polite, of course, but the others had warned you that he didn’t take well to change, and your addition to the team was a pretty notable change in your team dynamic.

You were now the youngest member of the team, and you’d been trained in press liaising as a part of your training at the academy, so you took on a different role from the others to allow JJ to get out into the field more now that she was officially an agent. It wasn’t that you thought he disliked you, it was just that he needed to get used to you. Or at least that was what you were telling yourself.

It was why you were on the jet in the first palace, having asked Hotch for the opportunity to shadow Reid while he was working on the interview. He’d given you a look when you lied that it was to gain more experience, but he didn’t have anything against you trying to get Reid to warm up to you a little bit more, so he didn’t complain, and let the two of you go. But you hadn’t realised just how busy you would be with the work, and you hadn’t exactly become the best of friends either.

“You don’t want to play cards with me, Y/N,” he replied coolly, not even looking at you.

“Emily said you usually try to swindle people when you first play cards with them, why aren’t you trying that with me?” you asked, growing a little frustrated that your attempts were being blocked. It’d been the same when you’d invited him out for a drink the night before, and when you’d asked if he wanted to share a takeout in your hotel room the night before that. Polite rejections and the feeling of incompetence that left you wondering if you’d done something wrong.

“You’re too innocent for me to swindle, Y/N. It’d be too easy.”

“That’s pretty arrogant, don’t you think?” As a last ditch attempt to get him to bite, you thought insulting him couldn’t possibly hurt.

“Shit, okay, one game, the cards are in the cupboard over there.” He acquiesced and nodded behind him to the small kitchenette at the end of the jet.

“Why do I have to grab them, you’re closer?” you pouted a little bit, and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, looking away again.

“You’re the one who wanted to play,” he grumbled. Rolling your eyes you threw off the blanket you’d wrapped around yourself and stumbled over to grab the cards.

On your way back however, the plane lurched to the side and you stumbled, dropping the cards everywhere and falling straight into the lap of Doctor Spencer Reid. He tried to catch you in his arms, but you’re position made it difficult for him to help you further. Having fallen face first, your torso was now pressed into the seat next to him, the rest of your body bent over his knee as if he were getting ready to spank you any minute.

One of his hands was pinned under your body weight, and the other that had come out to steady you was gripping dangerously close to your chest, not exactly helping with the mental images you were already fighting.

“Shit, I’m sorry I think we hit some turbulence,” you winced and tried to standup, and he groaned at the loss of contact as you moved.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he let out the curse as you stood up, but you weren’t upright for long before your legs gave out underneath you, another lurch from the plane depositing you directly into his lap, your legs straddling either side of his and your chest pressed up against his. This closer position allowed you to feel more of him pressed against you, and your eyes widened in realisation.

“Fuck, Spencer are you hard right now?” You groaned from on top of him, stilled by the realisaton. He scowled at you, again, and ran a hand through his hair.

“Sorry, it’s just been a long weekend, and I couldn’t…” he let out a frustrated sigh and you waited for him to continue, suddenly not so eager to get out of the embarrassing position.

“Have you been hard this entire time? Shit, that’s why you didn’t want to grab the playing cards, didn’t want me to see you like that, right?” you could hear the grin in your voice, and you knew you were being risky but you couldn’t help yourself.

“Shut up, Y/L/N, I really don’t need this right now,” he groaned out again, but made no move to push you off.

“Oh, I’m pretty sure I know what you need right now.”

“Don’t fucking tease, Y/N, I’m serious. Let’s just pretend that this never happened, okay?” His mouth was saying one thing, but you were pretty sure from the hands that were gripping your hips now that he wasn’t exactly being the most honest with himself in that moment.

“What if I…. helped you out?” you whispered it out almost silently, and Reid’s eyes snapped open to look at you.

“Don’t joke with me right now, Y/N, it isn’t funny and it isn’t cute.”

“I’m not joking.” Your eyes locked and you didn’t say anything else, content to watch him wage a war in his own mind, curious about which side would win.

“Get on your knees,” he said eventually, and you did, climbing out of his lap and kneeling next to his seat, your heart-beating out of your chest now. “Good girl.”

The heat pooled between your legs with those words, and you let out a small whimper as he popped the button on his pants. He pulled out his dick and you stared at it in wonder. You could see the precum shining on his tip as he gave it a few preliminary pumps, his mouth open as he finally found some relief.

You slid your hands up his legs and rested them on his thighs, watching his face and ready to pounce on him the moment he gave you the word.

“Look at you, desperate little whore. You want to suck me off that bad, baby?” he crooned at you, and you found yourself unable to answer.

“Bet you’ve been trying to do this all weekend. Trying to get me back to that hotel room of yours, trying to get me to drink with you, when what you really wanted was for me to stuff my cock down your throat, right?”

It was taking all of your willpower to not just reach your tongue out and lick your way up his shaft, now, your body practically begging for you to touch him.

“Well, go ahead princess. Go ahead and show me what a needy little whore you are.” You waited for no further instruction, wrapping your hand around the base of his cock and your tongue around the tip.

You played with it for a few seconds, giving him a few strokes while you waited to see his reactions. He grabbed a fist of your hair, making sure to push it away from your face so he could see exactly what you were doing at all times. With that, you started pushing your head down on more and more of him, seeing how far you could manage to get before hitting the back of your throat.

When you hit your max, you pulled off of him and did it again, starting to pick up pace as you worked your hands over the few inches that couldnt fit.

“Fuck that’s it, princess, just like that.” He moaned, not taking his eyes off you for even a second.

You bobbed your head up and down on him now, feeling yourself grow wetter and wetter with each noise he let out.

“Sucking me off right here on the jet, such a little slut, aren’t you?” he said down at you and you couldn’t help the moan you let out around his cock, the vibrations causing him to tighten his grip on your hair and hiss out a curse.

“That’s it keep going, just like that baby,” he whispered, his hand now starting to push you down a little further on his dick each time, his head thrown back in ecstasy. You knew he was getting close, and you were desperate to feel his cum down your throat.

“Fuck, yes, just like that baby, just like that keep going.” The muscles in his legs were tense under your hand as you pushed your head down right to the base of his cock, stretching yourself past your limits and breathing him in deeply. After that, it was only a few more seconds until you could feel the hot spurts of cum hit the back of your throat.

You looked up at him through his orgasm, and you swore it was the best view you’d seen before in your life. His mouth was open in a moan, and the hand that wasn’t controlling your movements was raked through his own tousled locks.

Eventually, he pulled you off of him, and you swallowed the remaining cum still inside your mouth, going as far as to catch the few drops spilling out with your fingertips and delicately lick it off, knowing he was back to watching your every move.

He pulled you up to a standing position, his eyes still locked on yours, and you could see he was getting ready to give you another instruction, to use you again to find his own pleasure. Before he had the chance though, an announcement on the PA system had him jumping as far away from you as possible.

“Hey, sorry about that earlier turbulence folks. We’re about ten minutes out of Quantico, so we’re about to descend. You know the drill, seatbelts, please.” The pilot was off the line as quickly as he came on it, and you were left in silence once more.

Fumbling with his pants, Reid put himself together again before guiding you into your seat and taking up his place again in the seat opposite.

“I didn’t mean for it to end like this, shit we don’t have time for me to return the favor…” he seemed apologetic about that and you were finally snapped out of your daze.

“Reid, you really don’t have to do that… I just helped you out a little, is all.”

“No, I’m going to pay you back for this. I swear.” And there it was again, the pounding of your heart as he looked at you like that. You unintentionally clenched around nothing, your frustration almost doubling knowing there could’ve been more if you’d had more time.

“Feel free to say no, of course, but how do you feel about making this a regular thing?” you asked, your voice low, trying not to reveal how desperate you were to be under him right now, certain it would put him off.

“Like a… friends with benefits, thing?” He asked, his head perking up in curiosity.

“Yeah. If you want.” You gulped down. “Obviously, you can say no. We’re coworkers, so it could become weird, but it could also be really convenient to have someone on cases to help you out if you’re ever, you know…”

“Y/N, you’re rambling,” he smiled at you.

“I know, I really want you to say yes,” you admitted then immediately cursed your lack of filter.

“Yes.” He said. And that was that.

Tuesday

To say that stepping off of the jet had bought you back down to reality would be an understatement. After parting from Spencer with a terse wave and a strained smile, you’d spent your entire commute home thinking you’d just fucked up in the most major way possible.

As far as you could tell, the man didn’t even like being in your company and was just okay with you being his coworker, and then you’d suggested you give him a blow job on government property? Yeah, you were insane. That was the only possible explanation.

Needless to say, you got no sleep that night. You could only imagine how shitty you looked dragging yourself into the bullpen the next morning, coffee in hand and twitching like a rabbit that knew it was being followed by a wolf.

“God, Y/N, you look like you’ve been through hell and back. I thought you and Reid only went for an inmate interview?” Emily questioned you as soon as you stepped through the door.

“Yeah, yeah, it was okay,” you squeaked out, not quite adept at hiding your emotions just yet. “I just didn’t get much sleep is all. Shitty hotel beds, you know?” You smiled at her, and she nodded from experience.

“Oh, tell me about it, this one time I was sharing a room with JJ and the metal springs in the mattress we’re just sticking out the top. It’s a miracle these places make any money.”

“Well, they always have FBI Agents blasting through desperate for a room, I guess,” you joked with her half-heartedly, still feeling the tension in the room.

“What are you guys talking about?” He creeps up behind you to join the conversation, but you know it’s him. You turn around and finally get a look at him. Reid stood there, looking relaxed, with a small smirk on his face. His hands in his pants pockets, leaned back against Emily’s desk next to his, effectively cutting off your route to your own desk behind him.

“Y/N was telling me about the crappy motel you guys got lumped in this weekend. Bummer right?”

“I don’t know, I slept just fine. You do look a little tense, Y/N,” he looked at you again, and you couldn’t help the glare you shot at him. He was messing with you. The fucker was actually messing with you.

“I must’ve just pulled the short straw.” You send him a strained smile, trying to end the conversation there.

“You should’ve said something about it on the jet, I would’ve let you rest instead.” You freeze then. Surely he wasn’t going to reveal to the entire office, or at least to Emily, what the two of you did on the jet.

“You didn’t have to play cards with me, you know. I know how exhausting it can be to keep up with me. I have pretty good stamina.” This time you didn’t hold back and you did shoot daggers at him, which only achieved bringing him one step closer to laughter.

“Ooh, rookie mistake. Don’t play with Reid, Y/N, he’ll take you for all you’re worth.” Emily shot back before making her way to the kitchen area, content with the advice she had given.

“Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind.” You mumbled, eyes still locked with Reid’s as you made to push past him. His hand brushed yours as you did, and you almost jumped at the contact. God, why was he doing this to you. Up until yesterday, he hadn’t ever bothered to even look in your direction, and now he was making you dizzy at work and you didn’t know how to deal with it.

The rest of the day you did your best to ignore him, and you really had to try. Everytime you went to grab yourself another drink, he’d trail along behind you, leaving you to make a U-turn to ask Morgan or Prentiss questions instead. If you went to get some files, he’d do the same, and you found yourself grabbing the wrong files in your haste to avoid talking to him again.

It was a ridiculous game of cat and mouse, and you knew that eventually he would catch up to you, and then you would have to come face to face with the man who had consumed your thoughts for the last 24 hours. In all honesty, you weren’t sure if it was dread you were feeling or anticipation.

In the end, he resorted to a more direct method that you couldn’t ignore.

“Hey, Y/N, I need to discuss some of the files from this weekends interview, do you have five minutes?” he said it loud enough for those around you to hear, so there was no escape. You took a deep breath and acquiesced,

“Great, let’s go grab the files and we can get started.” From all your self-defence training, you knew you should never let your assailant get you to a secondary location, but with him, you knew there was no escape. You let him guide you to the storage room, not even bothering to make small talk on the way down.

The door wasn’t even closed before he turned on you and started talking.

“If yesterday was bad for you, then we don’t have to ever do it again, but if you keep ignoring me like that, they’re going to realise that something is wrong.”

“Take a second to think about why I’m ignoring you, Reid. You’ve practically been on top of me all day, I can’t think when you’re around and I have work to do,” you whisper shout at him, even though theres no one in the file room he’s pulled you into.

“I wasn’t on top of you, I’d have enjoyed it very much had I been on top of you. Instead, I’ve been trailing behind you because you won’t talk to me.” He replied, shoulders lifting to his ears in his defense.

“Do you not want to do this anymore?” he asked you and you took in a sharp inhale of breath. He was giving you an out. You logically knew that you should take it, push down whatever it was you were feeling and pretend like yesterday had never happened. But all thoughts of doing just that left your head as he moved one step closer to you.

“Spencer…” you whispered into the room, as he moved closer still, eventually coming to cage you in against the wall.

“Do you really not want me to repay you?” he moved his hands down your body, a ghost of a touch really, not at all enough for what you wanted and getting nowhere near where you needed.

“Spencer, we shouldn’t be doing this at work. What if someone comes down here?”

“Doing what? I’m just asking you a question.” He gripped your thighs and pulled you again him, and you could feel the length of him against your stomach. “And besides, that didn’t matter to you yesterday.”

“Fuck, Spencer…” you groaned out, screwing your eyes shut. He trailed his hands further still and they finally found your ass over your skirt.

“I felt just as unsure about this earlier, you know. Thought it was going to create a weird tension in the office. Then you walked in this morning, wearing this skirt and suddenly I didn’t care. Just needed to have you.” He pulls your leg up, pressing his in between your thighs before you can think of closing your legs in modesty.

“I just want to feel you, will you let me do that?” He whispers against your skin and you whimper as his lips ghost over you.

“Yes, yes Spencer, please…” your brain shuts off and you give in, and suddenly he has your skirt around your waist and you tights and panties aorund your ankles in what seems like only a flash of a second.

“So fucking perfect and obedient for me, aren’t you, pet?” You whimper as he trails a finger along your sensitive clit, and you twitch as he begins his movements, rubbing slow circles into you.

“Fuck, look at you, clenching around nothing. I was just going to come in here and make you cum on my fingers but you’re begging to be filled, aren’t you, Princess?” He murmurs finally pushing on finger into you as he continues to to rub your clit with his thumb. You bury your head into his shoulder and try your best to muffle the disgusting moans dripping from your mouth as you plead with your coworker.

“What was that, pet? You’re going to have to say it a bit louder, I can’t hear you?” He picks up his pace and you can feel the tears welling up in your eyes, threatening to spill down your face.

“Fuck me. Please, Reid.” Not removing his hand from between your legs, he unbuttons his pants and you see his cock again for the second time in two days. You can’t believe you managed to get the entire thing down your throat yesterday. You stare at him with lust-clouded eyes, begging him silently.

“I haven’t got a condom, princess. Are you on the pill?” He asks, giving himself a few terse strokes, too far from your reach to help out. You nod vigorously, unable to form actual words now and not trusting yourself to keep quiet as your anticipation builds.

“Perfect baby, now relax and I’ll take care of you, okay?” He gently pulled his hand away from your core, quickly replacing it with his pulsating cock, pushing in slowly and deep.

“So tight for me, baby, you feel amazing.” He pauses for a second to allow you to adjust to his size, but all too soon he’s hammering into you, not caring to control his speed or his strength, just using you like he’s a man delirious with lust and you love it.

You clutch his shirt, and with each and every thrust you scream a little bit, unable to hold yourself back from the pleasure thats ripping through you. You’re making so much noise that after a few minutes, he brings a hand to your mouth, closing it over you and effectively cutting off any noises you make from escaping.

“You need to be quiet, honey, as much as I want to hear you, we don’t need anyone to come around here asking questions.” But you’re too far gone to care, your judgement too clouded, your head and body too full of him and what he’s doing to you to care at all who knows about it. You know he’s right, but you just keep moaning into his hand until finally, your body can’t take the stimulation anymore and you feel yourself tip over the edge, tightening around him as you ride out your high.

“Fuck, that’s it princess, I’m gonna cum inside you, okay?” He says and you use what feels like the last of your strength to nod as you feel him shoot his load inside of you.

You don’t know how long the two of you stay joined there, but the post-sex clarity hits you like a tonne of bricks again as he pulls out and you genuinely start questioning your sanity as he cleans you up and pulls your panties back up into the right position.

“Shit Spencer, we can’t do that again,” you say. “What if someone had caught us?”

“Don’t say that as if you weren’t just turned on by the very thought of that happening,” he shot back. “But yes, we’re going to need some rules if we’re going to keep this up.” You nod at him, and the two of you make for the exit of the room, aware that you’d already been away for suspiciously long.

Luckily, your teammates are all too busy to notice that neither of you return with the files you went to look for.

Wednesday

The knock at your door was sharp and insistent, but you were tired so it took you a few minutes to cross your apartment to reach the door. You weren’t sure what you were expecting to greet you there at 9pm on a wednesday evening, but it sure as hell wasn’t Spencer Reid, looking a little damp from the rain.

“I’m glad you’re home. I thought you would be considering you told Penelope you had no plans when you left earlier, but there was always the possibility that you wouldn’t be and then I would be stuck out here in the rain again and I wouldn’t get to see you and I really needed to see you.” He got the jumble of words out as quickly as he could, not even leaving you enough time to say hello before he was rambling.

“Spencer, slow down. What are you doing here?” You asked, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. Truthfully, you’d spent the last half an hour doing your best not to fall asleep on your couch as you tried to get some reading in, so you weren't exactly the best prepared for guests. You’d rid yourself of your work clothes as soon as you reached your house, the discarded clothes still laying in a pile in your bedroom, and you’d changed into an oversized t-shirt you’d bought a few years ago that was becoming a bit threadbare with constant use.

“I thought we could talk.” He said and offered no further explanation. It was cold and you wrapped your arms around yourself, but the door was letting in the cold breeze that accompanied the rain so you moved aside and gestured for him to make himself at home.

He took stock of your apartment as he walked in and you felt so exposed as he started taking everything in. He was a profiler, a really good one at that, and he was looking now at your bookshelves, the pictures around your apartment, the little trinkets you’d collected over the years. You should have been squirming under the surveillance of it all, but you almost wanted to show him around, talk him through it all and show you every part of you that he hadn’t seen yet. God, you must’ve been crazy.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” you asked, returning to your seat on your couch and gesturing for Reid to sit down, too. He took up a chair on the opposite side of the room, sitting only on the edge of the seat, body tense and shoulders set in a tight line.

“Us. I thought it’d be best if we set some… ground rules you know. After yesterday and the jet…” you sat up then, too and tried not to avoid looking at the mirror you knew was on your shelf, knowing that all you’d see was the crimson staining your face and wondering what he would learn from that.

“Yeah… Yeah of course, we should talk about that. That sounds… smart, I think.”

“I did some research, and apparently we should start with setting boundaries. Things we won’t do, things that would make this easier for us.”

“Right, what kind of… boundaries were you thinking?” Your heart was beating out of your chest waiting for him to continue. The sex between you was so easy that you forgot that neither of you was the best at communicating with the other, that your brain seemed to switch off in his presence and refused to turn itself back on until you’d ended up underneath him.

“There are certain things I won’t do in the bedroom. I don’t like being choked and I don’t…” he trailed off, his face going bright red, “I don’t like not being in control.” He finally finished, looking very shy for a man who just admitted that he took an exclusively dominant role in the bedroom.

“That’s fine with me. Just for the sake of transparency, I’m okay with that. Choking that is. And not being dominant.” You tripped over your words, trying to convey your meaning.

“Great, that’s totally great.” You sat there in silence for a few seconds before he spoke again. “Is there anything you won’t do?”

“Oh right,” you thought about it for a few seconds and then gave him your reply. “As exciting as that was yesterday, I think we shouldn’t be doing that in the office again. I’m not… against public sex, but I’d prefer not to get arrested for public indecency by one of our colleagues.”

He nodded vigorously and looked like he was about to say something else, but you continued.

“Other than that, I’m pretty open. No threesomes though,” You blushed, trying to find the right words to use. “If we’re going to do this, I don’t really want to share you.”

“That’s a good point. We should be exclusive for however long we do this for. The increased risk of attaining a sexually transmitted disease when actively engaging with two or more sexual partners is around 11%, so it’d be safer for us both to just use each other.”

The way he said it was so clinical that you almost flinched, but he didn’t notice your reaction and kept going.

“Is that everything? No other objections?” You thought on his question for a few minutes, and then shook your head.

“Nothing I can think of, but maybe we should keep checking in? Just in case, you know.”

“Yeah, communication is really important in relationships.” He paused for a second, as if realising what he said. “Not that this is a relationship, in the traditional sense, but every human connection can be described as a relationship, so I guess this is a relationship as well. You know what I mean.” You laughed a little at him then, his over-explaination relaxing you a bit, glad you weren’t the only one who was finding this situation unavoidably awkward.

“Spencer, calm down, I understand. Is that all you wanted to discuss?” You look at him with a smile, crossing and uncrossing your legs on the couch, finally falling back into a comfortable position. His eyes trailed down to your legs then, finally taking in your appearance. He raked his eyes up your bare legs, your t-shirt barely hitting the tops of your thighs, his gaze lingering there for a few seconds before he forced himself to meet your eyes again.

“I never did get to pay you back for your help, you know?” He licked his lips, and you felt your pussy clench in anticipation. If this was how you reacted to a simple question, you were well and truly fucked if you thought you’d ever be able to function correctly with him around.

“I said you didn’t have to, remember?” You tried to keep your voice even and low, but your body was alert in anticipation now

“But I want to. Will you let me?” He asked, finally moving himself off of the chair and walking over to you. He knelt at your feet and ran his hands up your still crossed legs, grabbing them and gently coaxing them open.

“Please, princess, let me show you my appreciation.” he begged you and you nodded, giving in so easily to his pleas.

“Use your words.” He said, still letting you know who was in control of this situation, even if he was below you right now.

“Yes, Spencer, yes, you can do it.” His hands were trailing up the inside of your leg now, sending goosebumps up your arms, and growing the pit of desire that was burning for him.

“Do what? You need to tell me exactly what you want, right princess? Isn’t that what we discussed?” He placed a chaste kiss to your knee now and your body was begging you to just twine your hands in his hair and press him between your legs.

“Spencer, please use your tongue and make me cum,” you begged him, and his hands instantly moved to pull your panties down. Once he’d rid you of the garments, he hooked his arms under your thighs and pulled you into him, spreading your legs apart and finally looking at you.

“This wet for me already, princess?” he smiled up at you, a devastatingly sweet smile from his devilish position. You whimpered slightly and he finally, finally lowered his head, extending his tongue and taking his first swipe at your core.

You grabbed at his hair then, but he pulled away, grabbed your hands and pinned them at either side at you with his own and then went down again, beginning to lick and suck at your centre once more.

When he reached your centre, it was all you could do not to buck up into his face, involuntarily fighting his grip so you could get closer still to his tongue, feel even more friction as he drew small circles, before closing his entire mouth around it and giving you all the attention you had been craving since your interruption two days ago.

You knew from your experience in the file room that Spencer was somewhat naturally gifted in the bedroom, but you put that mostly down to the fact that he was a good size and had pretty notable stamina. But now you realised he was probably the best you were ever going to get. Most men you’d been with hadn’t even wanted to entertain the idea of giving you head, let alone begged you for the opportunity and then drinking you in like you were the last drop of water in the desert and he was a man parched with thirst.

You writhed and moaned into him, feeling your orgasm gain on you as you felt his pace pick up. Looking down at him and catching his eye was the last thing you could do before your eyes rolled back in pleasure, the smile in his eyes so bright, enjoying having you on his tongue so much that you couldn’t handle it anymore.

He didn’t pull off of you immediately, letting you ride his face through your orgasm, your thighs squeazing him slightly before he let go of his grip on your hands and pulled himself away from you. You gasped for breath on the sofa, still softly twitching in pleasure, as he lifted himself off the ground.

“You did so good, princess,” he said patting your head, and you became instantly aware of the painful erection he was sporting through his pants, face to face with it now he was standing up. You opened your mouth, readying yourself to ask for more of him when you heard a phone ring from the other side of the room.

You didn’t recognise the ringtone, but it seemed like Reid did, as he dropped a curse and quickly moved himself back to the chair he’d previously occupied and picked it up quickly.

“Hotch, what is it?” Spencer murmured into the line, and with that you knew you weren’t getting anything else that night. After a short conversation, Reid hung up, and turned to you again.

“We’ve got a case. You’ll probably get the call in a few minutes. We didn’t discuss this earlier, but it’s best if no one else finds out about this.” He said, gathering all of his things, as you covered yourself again. You made to pull your panties up your legs again, but he got to them first.

“No, these are mine now.” He said, so confidently that you just nodded, slightly dumbfounded, and did your best to not pull him back over you again. You were seriously contemplating it, seeing how quickly you could make him cum when another phone rang, and you recognised it as your own.

He petted your hair again, grabbed the last of his things and stuffed your panties inside of his jacket pocket, and said a final goodnight, leaving you to answer the phone alone in your apartment. You sat there subdued in the moment as you realised you were in love with the man, and couldn’t do a thing about it.

You were in love with him, and he hadn’t even once kissed you.

Thursday

Alaska. The case had taken you all the way to Alaska, and you were suddenly desperate to get back to the rain you’d left behind in Virginia. You were cold and the wetness had seeped into your body from the day traipsing around the dumpsite of your newest unsub and your motel room was cold and you were miserable.

Your motel was small, but still large enough to afford each of you your own room, considering there was no one else passing through town at this time of the year, so you didn’t feel bad about turning your light back on at 2am and grabbing the book off your nightstand, hoping it would help lull you to sleep.

Not even five words into the page, a quiet knock interrupted the unending quiet, faint but recognisable from when he’d knocked on your door only the previous night. Your heart raced as you moved to the door and you opened it for him quickly.

“Hi,” you said as you saw him there, looking just as cold as you felt.

“Hey. My room was cold, and I saw your light on…” he whispered, letting his voice trail off. You opened the door for him and he came in quickly, not waiting to risk anyone seeing the two of you, even if it was the middle of the night.

“Yeah, it’s not just you. I’m one cool draft away from piling all of my luggage over me and hoping it helps me warm up. You’d think they’d have extra blankets or something.”

“Oh, I’m sure they did, I saw Prentiss walking up to her room with a pile earlier,” he laughed and you laughed with him, his smile infectious and the temperature leaving you deliriously sleepy.

“You know, we could probably get warm if we got in together,” he suggested, and before he could explain the science behind it, you jumped at the idea.

“Yes, please, I’m willing to try anything right now.” You dove back under the covers, still wrapped in your fluffy pajamas, lifting up the covers to let him under too. He climbed in after you, and for a second you were wondering if he was just going to lie beside you for a while and then leave when he was warm enough. He quashed those thoughts the second he put his head on the pillow next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into him, holding you as if you were a teddy bear.

You couldn’t help the giggle that escaped your mouth as his breath tickled the back of your neck, huddling closer into him until your legs were tangled and your chests were flush against each other.

“Stop giggling and get some sleep,” he whispered down at you through a smile, his eyes closed, unaware of the look of adoration you couldn’t wipe from your face.

“You know if we really wanted to huddle for warmth, skin-to-skin contact would be much more effective,” you teased him, and he groaned into you, gripping you that much tighter.

“Do not tempt me, Y/N. It’s 2am and we’re working a case, we need some sleep,” he whispered down at you, but you were enjoying teasing him, so you continued, unrelenting.

“It didn’t take us very long any of the other times, Spencer,” you burrowed your head into his neck so he couldn’t see you as you knew he was about to react to your challenge.

“You’re a brat, you know that right?” he sighed, looking down at the top of your head and waiting for you to meet his eyes, but you just nodded into him, and he rolled his eyes and fell back into a comfortable position, but the insinuation in your words stuck to him. You felt him shift next to you, and started slowly trailing your hand down his chest.

“Unless you really want to be working this case tomorrow on one hour of sleep, I’d suggest you stop this before you can’t anymore,” he growled into your ear.

“I think I’ll take my chances, you say, your hand finally reaching his waistband and snapping it against his skin once, showing him exactly what it was you wanted. He grabbed your hands to stop your movements, but from the way he shifted his weight, you could feel that he’d already taken your words to heart.

“So fucking desperate for it, can’t even leave you alone for twenty-four hours before you’re sticking your hands in my pants, huh, princess?” His voice was a low grumble in your ear, and that familiar feeling in the pit of your stomach was back.

“Well, I’m tired tonight, so how about you show me just how much you want this?” He rolled you over, still pinning your hands with one of his larger ones, and started rolling your pajamas down your legs, just enough to access your pussy.

“Touch yourself, baby, get yourself ready for me,” he let go of your hands now and even in the dark you knew he would be watching your every movement. Lying on your side, you moved one hand down to your clit, beginning to rub slow circles into yourself, letting little gasps and moans escape from your mouth for his benefit.

After a few minutes of touching yourself, getting yourself ready, you reached behind you to Reid’s crotch, fumbling for a second before finally grabbing his dick through his pajamas. He didn’t make a sound in protest, so you continued, stroking his half hard dick until he was fully erect for you.

You gathered some of your wetness on your fingers and pushed two of them inside your pussy, stretching yourself out, beginning to synchronise your two hands so you’d both feel the pleasure together. Spencer was still frustratingly silent, not even moving further than he needed to to allow you better access. Desperate for his attention, you decide to tease him a little bit.

“Do you like that, sir?” You feel his dick twitch in your hand, and throwing a glance over your shoulder, you can see that his jaw is clenched. You panic for a second, thinking maybe he wasn’t into the pet name you’d just dropped from your lips, but he finally responds.

“You just keep working hard to make me happy, princess, okay?” He says and you grin in triumph.

“Yes, sir.” You respond. Instead of picking up your pace, you decide you’ve gone long enough without him inside you so you release him and pull your fingers out of your pussy, licking your juices off your fingers. You push your ass back into position again, lining his tip up with your core as you reach behind you to grab the base of his dick and finally feel him enter you.

Unlike the first time he’d been in you, you didn’t want this to end fast. You wanted to feel him filling you up forever, hold him inside of you. You started thrusting back in torurously slow movements, letting him get so far out of you that he feared he was going to fall out and then pushing yourself back on so deep there was nowhere else he could go.

Refusing to pick up the pace, you continue your movements for the next few minutes, but you feel him growing restless beside you. He lets out little hisses each time he feels the cold on his skin, and he’s breathing deeply, hands bawled into the sheets so he doesn’t touch you like he promised he wouldn’t.

But this feels too much like giving you control, so he starts talking to you again, trying to tease more movement out of you.

“So content to be filled with my cock, huh, baby? You want to savor it, right?” You whimper at every question, the feeling of him inside you and his gravelly voice driving you insane.

“Such a little whore, using my dick to get off when you should be sleeping.” Your pace increased after that, your body desperate to show him how eager you were to be taking all of him inside you.

“Oh? Thought you wanted to keep it slow tonight, slut, you’re getting sloppier.” You were pushing back fervently now, desperate for release, begging him for more and more until you couldn’t take it. Reaching back, you grabbed one of his hands and placed it over your breast, silently begging him to take control.

“Should I give my little whore what she wants?” You simply moaned in reply, unable to do anything else. But that was all he needed and he started matching your thrusts with his own, forcing your pace to increase until your vision was blurry with need.

You were hanging on by a thread now, his fingers rolling the nipple of the breast in his hand around, pinching it hard every few strokes.

“Spencer, I’m going to cum, I’m going to cum, please, please, please…” you had no idea what you were begging him for, but it seemed like he did, unrelenting in his thrusts.

“It’s okay baby, you can do it. You have my permission.” Once again, you came undone in his arms, and he wasn’t far behind. You fell asleep there in his arms, not even bothering to clean yourself off or make him pull out, just the two of you holding each other on a cold night.

When you woke up, he was gone, and even though you knew it was what was best, you still felt a little crack in your heart start to form.

Friday

It had been over a week since Spencer had sneaked into your room in Alaska and he hadn’t touched you since. With the case in full swing, you hadn’t had the time to sneak off together, and the hotel had since fixed their heating system after a few timely complaints from Rossi and Prentiss, so you had no excuses to gravitate to each other either.

You were back from Alaska now though, and stuffed into a booth at your favorite bar with your team for a post-case celebration. The booth was round, and you were stuck in the middle with nowhere to move, flanked on either side by Morgan and JJ, who respectively had Reid and Prentiss on either side of them, Garcia, currently at the bar, rounding out the bunch.

“Okay, one round of shots for my favorite team of Special Supervisory Agents, and the Good Doctor of course - do not try to back out of this, it’s happening.” Garcia returned with six shots of tequila and you winced. You’d never drank tequila and come out unscathed.

“Penelope I love you, but you know what tequila does to me,” you groan, trying to blink back the memories of the last time the poison had passed your lips. You’d been out on a girls night out, and after a few rounds of tequila and not a care in the world, you’d started answering any and every question the girls had put to you like you were under the influence of a truth serum.

“Exactly, sweetie, and it’s because I know that I want you to drink up, you’ve been secretive these last couple of days and I want to get to the bottom of it.”

“What happens when you drink, Y/N?” Reid asked. You could heart the curiosity in his voice, and like everytime you’d felt his attention on you in the last week and a half, your chest thumped painfully, trying to burst from your chest and reach out to him.

“Oh, it was hilarious. She was a venerable chatterbox, and she was so open with her opinions on everything. She was answering every question with the cutest sincerity.” Garcia filled him in on the details and you wanted to melt into the couch.

“We asked her what drink she wanted next and she monologued for ten minutes about some of the different choices on the menu and whether she thought they would taste good.” JJ continued.

“And when we asked more probing questions, she’d start by saying ‘I’m only telling you this because it’s you three and I love you,’” Emily finished for them.

Thankfully, the three of them had noticed that you were quite a bit past it that day, and that they shouldn’t be really asking you anything inappropriate that you’d regret answering. You were especially thankful for it now though, as you could only imagine the things you’d say about Reid if your tongue loosened. About how he felt when he was inside you, about how he’d given you the best orgasm of your life, about how you were in love with him and afraid that if you told him you’d never have him in your arms again.

“One shot won’t hurt, Y/N. You had like five last time before you started spouting wisdom, what’s the worst that one could do?” You sighed, knowing that you couldn’t say no to Penelope Garcia, and thinking that maybe you didn’t even want to.

“Okay, one shot, and no more.” You grabbed the salt and the lime, got ready for your shot as the others did the same, and then with one quick tip up, it was burning a trail down your throat.

“Great, now that that’s finished, I’m going to get us some real drinks, any requests?” After a few shouts for beers and cocktails, Prentiss left the table and went to order the next round.

“How about a game?” Garcia suggested innocently enough, “maybe two truths, one lie? Truth or dare?” You rolled your eyes at her probing, knowing that she only had good intentions. She’d checked in on you a few times during your time in Alaska as well, after you started moping about the loss of Reid in your bed. It had only been the fact that he’d made you promise to keep your relationship to yourselves that had stopped you from spilling everything to Garcia the morning you woke up and realised he was gone.

“Baby girl, you’re scaring the kid,” Morgan laughed from his place at your side, and you breathed a sigh of relief, until he opened his mouth again. “That being said, is there something you need to get off your chest, Y/N? You’ve been acting all sad recently.”

“I’m fine! Totally fine, just not getting enough sleep, I think.”

“Oh, is it nightmares? We’ve all had them, I think it’s part of the job description now.” Emily returned with the drinks and latched on to the end of your conversation.

“Not nightmares, mostly dreams if I’m being honest,” you sighed out, unable to catch yourself as she handed you your drink. You cursed yourself as you looked up to see the grin on her face.

“Y/N Y/L/N, are you telling me that you’ve been running on minimum hours of sleep because you’ve been getting some action?” Whenever Emily full-named you, you felt like a little kid being pulled into a principal's office. You gulped and sent her a panicked look, unable to deny but not wanting to say another word. From the corner of your eye, you tried to catch Reid’s reaction to all of this. He was nursing his drink on the sidelines, not saying anything, but a small twitch in the corner of his mouth filled in the gaps for him.

“Oh, that’s my girl.” Emily whistled at you from the other side of the table, and for the next half hour you did your best to melt into the table and not make eye-contact with Reid.

Eventually, Morgan made his way to the bar to start flirting with some girls, and JJ, Emily and Prentiss made their way to the dancefloor, leaving you and Reid alone at the table. They’d tried to convince you to get up with them, but you’d convinced them to leave you behind, with promises to join them shortly.

“So, you’re a truthful drunk, then?” Reid asked. He’d moved closer to you when Morgan had exited the booth, but not close enough to draw anyone's attention. Now with the girls gone too, he took his chances and pushed up against your side, your thighs touching, and his arm resting on the back of the booth.

“Don’t start, I barely survived that with my life, Reid, now they think I’m seeing someone,” you groaned into your hands.

“You are seeing someone. Granted it’s just me, and its not what they think…” he trailed off, still staring at you with that smile on his lips, but you barely noticed burying your head further into your hands. It was almost infuriating that he didn’t know that he’d never be ‘just’ anything to you.

“Not helping, Reid.” He chuckled and took another swig of his drink. Obviously the alcohol was starting to have some effect on him, because when he returned his glass to his coaster, the hand that was holding it fell directly onto your thigh. With his other arm practically wrapped around your shoulders, and this movement now, you could only imagine that the two of you looked like a couple having an intimate discussion to anyone walking past.

“What are you doing, Spencer?” You panic a bit, worrying that any second a coworker of yours would catch sight of the two of you and realise just who you’d been dreaming about these past few days. But your back was to the booth and it wasn’t in their line of sight at all.

“Oh, it’s Spencer again, is it? Thought you liked calling me sir,” he whispered in your ear and the feeling of his hot breath on your neck was enough to disable the brain cells that remained.

“Spencer!” You hissed under your breath at him, the heat rising in your cheeks. “Can we not do this here?” You asked, exasperated.

“Would you prefer to do this at my apartment, or yours instead? Or your car is outside, if you just want to get straight to it.” You weren’t used to this from him. Sure he was dominant when you were in the middle of the act, but before and after he was almost ten times more awkward than usual. But with a bit of liquid courage, he’d had you trapped in a corner, unable to escape, and not caring who saw you.

“Spencer, they’re going to see us. That was the rule, they can’t see us.” You whispered in a low voice, not wanting to take it any higher, despite the pounding music in the bar.

“And they won’t but you need to answer me baby, my place, your place or your car?” Your heart-race picked up as you saw the serious expression on his face. He needed this. Needed you so badly, that he couldn’t even wait for a natural exit, needing to carry you off to the nearest convenient location and have his way with you. You realised in that moment that you would drop anything just to give him what he needed.

“Car.” You said, letting go of your worries, and just letting him take care of the situation.

“Perfect, princess. Now, you’re going to lean on my arm and act like you have a headache while I go and make our excuses to the others, okay? Do not say a word, and maybe I’ll give you a nice reward, how does that sound?” You nodded vigorously at his instructions, suddenly very excited for whatever he had in store for you.

You stumbled your way to the dancefloor, tracking down Garcia and the others as Spencer informed them of your condition. The three of them tried to ask you questions, but you were sure that Spencer was serious about that reward, so you kept your mouth shut, leaning against Reid innocently and just nodding your head at the appropriate times. Morgan was still chatting at the bar, and Reid gave him a nod on the way out, knowing that he’d soon be filled in as well, and you were suddenly out the door.

“Good job, princess, you did so good for me in there.” He cooed into your ear as he guided you back to your own car. Unlocking the doors, he threw your bag into the front seats and immediately climbed into the back, pulling you along with him by your hand.

He pulled you over him, making you straddle him. You knew he wasn’t going to take his time with you, not here, but that didn’t matter. You needed it just as much as he did. You wondered for a second if his reward was going to finally be him pressing his lips to yours. You’d changed into a short skirt before joining your friends at a bar, that material so tight over your ass and thighs that in your new position, he didn’t even have to move it out of the way to gain access to you, having already ridden up all the way to your stomach.

“So beautiful baby. If you need to stop for whatever reason, you need to tap my shoulder here two times, okay?” You were confused about the introduction of a new safety gesture, but when he wrapped one of his hands around your neck and squeezed just as he starting rubbing your soaking cunt you suddenly realised it was necessary.

The strong grip on your throat was limiting your breath, the lack of oxygen you were getting intensifying every stroke he made. It was only a few minutes before he was pushing a finger into you, and beginning to pump it in and out quickly. You grabbed at the arm attached to your throat, using it for balance as you used your remaining energy to grind down desperately into his hand. He stilled his movements then, letting you use his hand to get off, humping yourself into him like a bitch in heat.

“You said you liked this, but if I’d have known you meant this much, I’d have done this much sooner.” He tightened his grip around your throat a little bit, still doing his best not to hurt you. You were seeing stars now, the car windows were fogged up from your desperate pants, and you were so close to just finishing right there on his hand.

You felt your vision go black as you finally tipped over the edge, tapping his shoulder quickly as you felt your orgasm rip through you. He instantly let go of you and caught you in his arms, wrapping them around you, and instantly doing everything to make sure you were okay.

“What’s wrong, are you okay? Did I squeeze too hard?” There was a panic in his tone, but you let your breathing even out before you replied, content with the feeling of him stroking your hair as your head rested against his chest.

“It’s okay, Spencer, it was just getting a little bit too intense for me, is all…” you let out a small yawn then and nuzzled into him in the backseat, your eyes drooping closed.

“Princess, I’m going to get you home now, okay? No more tonight.” He whispered sweetly into your hair, as you fell asleep in his arms once again. The last thing you felt before you fell under was his lips press a sweet kiss to the top of your head.

Saturday

When you woke up again, you knew you were in his arms, and your heart practically sang at the contact. Your eyes opened and there he was, next to you in your bed, face inches from yours, arms wrapped tightly around you and legs tangled in yours.

You stared at him for a few moments, not wanting to wake him and shatter the peace with awkward exits, not wanting to distance yourself from him for even a second. Your eyes drank all of him in. His messy hair, his long, delicate eyelashes, his lips. You found yourself staring at them for more than a few moments.

What would they feel like pressed into yours? You tried to bury the thought, but you just couldn’t. He was asleep, and you’d not talked about kissing when you’d discussed things you wouldn’t do. It was human nature to be curious, but the need to know him, to experience him and everything he had was consuming you from the inside, and you couldn’t help yourself.

Just as you were about to let your impulses control your movements and press a kiss to his lips, you felt him stir next to you, instantly snapping your eyes shut and laying as still as possible as he roused himself from sleep.

You felt him shift, but you could hear nothing over the sound of your heart beating in your ears. Did he know you were awake? Was he going to leave without waking you? Was he going to try to wake you up?

You felt his fingers against your cheek now, tracing a faint line down your face, and then he did something unexpected, and he cupped your face in his hand, and you felt him growing closer and closer until you felt the softest of touches against your lips and realised that he was finally kissing you.

Completely forgetting you were supposed to be asleep, you responded to his kiss, angling your head to better match his and pushing your lips back into his as he made to depart, encouraging him to keep going. He did, with each connection of your lips growing more and more passionate and loving, and like if he was given the chance he’d never stop holding you there in that moment. He only pulled away when he ran out of breath, and you were thankful that he did, as when you opened your eyes, the sight of him robbed you of yours too.

“Good morning, princess.” He whispered, tenderly, letting his forehead come to rest on yours, pressing another chaste kiss to your nose as he did so, and drawing out a giggle from you.

“Good morning, Spencer.” He drops another kiss to your lips then, almost as if now that he’s started he can’t stop.

“Spencer, please, why are you so touchy this morning?” you giggle up at him between kisses.

“I don’t know, you just looked so beautiful, is that a crime?” He smiles at you agan, continuing his kisses down your neck.

“We’ve never kissed before,” you vocalise your fear, and he stopped his movements before you could rush to backtrack.

“We haven’t? Oh god, we haven’t,” his eyes go wide as he looks down at you, his expression mirroring yours. “Shit, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, I just assumed after everything these past two weeks that we’d kissed at some point.”

“No, no, it’s okay, don’t apologise,” you try to speak, but he keeps going, rushing to get the words out all at once.

“I think I was misremembering kissing you, maybe I thought my dreams were real or something, so if I overstepped a boundary or something about this makes you uncomfortable, say the word and I’ll never do it again.” There was a ringing in your ears as you took in his words.

“You dreamed about kissing me?” you asked in a whisper, almost scared to hear the answer. He struggled to find the right words to say for a moment, but then he nodded.

“I thought you’d have guessed by now from my enthusiasm about all of this,” he replied, still holding you, his hands hot on your waist.

“Wait, Spencer, for how long?”

“Promise you won’t be freaked out?” He groaned, looking like he’d rather bury his face in your pillows than admit what he was about tp.

“I promise, now spill.”

“Since you joined the team. Like since the exact second. I saw you when you walked in and it was like a bomb went off in my head or something, and I had to avoid you for most of that first day so you didn’t notice I was being a creep and just imagining what it would feel like to kiss you.” The grin on your face grew with each of his words, hope sprouting there and taking root.

“God, Spencer, I thought you were uncomfortable around me. I thought you hated me a little because I threw off the group dynamic!” you laughed at your own stupidity now, raking a hand through your hair as his behaviour became more understandable, now.

“No, god no. It does take me a little bit of time to warm up to change, I’ll admit, but by the end of the first week, the change I was imagining what our kids would look like.” You froze with his words, and the roots in your heart grew deeper, twining around themselves and holding you with a fervid strength.

“Kids?” was the only word you managed to gasp out, as Spencer realised what he’d said.

“Fuck… That is, I didn’t mean to… It was just a stupid thought, if you don’t feel the same way, it’s totally fine.”

“Feel what way, Spencer?” you had to hear it from his lips, had to hear the words you so desperately needed.

“Y/N, you have to know by now that I’m obsessed with you. I can’t get enough of you, I’ve been following you around like a lost puppy for the last two weeks. I’m completely devoted to you, Y/N. I love you.” The flower in your chest bloomed, and the tears from your eyes spilled to water it.

“Don’t cry, please don’t cry,” he kissed the tears away from your cheeks, happy to continue showing you his adoration from earlier, but you pulled him away, needing to look him in the eye when you said it.

“Spencer, I love you, too. Maybe I didn’t realise as soon as you did, but somewhere in my subconscious I was so aware of you, I wanted your approval so badly, wanted you to smile and laugh with me the way you were with the rest of the team. I’ve spent this last week with the words stuck in my throat because I thought you couldn’t possibly feel the same, because Spencer you deserve all the love in the world.” Your tears were free flowing now, with your confession, and you could see some moisture forming in his as well.

The two of you didn’t need to say anything more after that, your lips doing all the communicating for you.

These kisses were different, so much deeper, more romantic, more needy. He moved his leg over you and pressed some of his weight down into you, wrapping you in his warmth. He pulled away from your lips to continue further down your neck. Each time he pulled away, he whispered a confession into your skin.

“Spencer, I want to feel you inside of me, please.” You moaned into his touch, and he quickly agreed. Now that you two knew you had each other, you wanted to waste no time. He was hard already, having woken up with the perfect reason to hold you. He carefully lifted your legs up and apart, giving himself all the space he needed to make love to you.

“God, you’re so perfect for me,” he said, pausing to spit down on your pussy, spreading the wetness with his heavy cock. He sat there rubbing himself against you for a few minutes, his lips having reconnected with yours, swallowing every moan you made, along with any he couldn’t control from himself.

The two of you were so lost in each other, in the moment, that it felt like it lasted forever. With one last rub to your sensitive areas, he lined himself up with your hole, and slowly lowered himself in. Encouraging you to hold your knees up into a tighter position, he grabbed your hips and began setting a relentless pace. It wasn’t the slow sensual fuck from your motel room, or even the hard and fast mess of your first time in the file room, but somewhere in the middle. You could feel the passion and the love he held for you in his kisses, and the lust you had cultivated over the weeks in each thrust, and it was driving you absolutely crazy.

“Yes, Spencer just like that, fuck,” you moaned out when he finally moved away from your lips, pressing his mouth into your neck again and biting down. It wasn’t hard enough to break the skin, but just hard enough that the pain heightened your pleasure.

With each thrust, your arms became weaker and weaker, your legs shaking furiously as he gave you all of him.

“Come on baby, just a few more, you can hold out for a few more,” he whispered in your ear, licking and sucking at the place he’d left his bite mark.

“I don’t think I can, I don’t think I can for musch longer, Spencer, please,” you whimpered your arms falling away from your legs. He replaced yours with his, pushing your body further into the bed, doing all the work and letting you just experience it.

“Okay, baby, you did great, you think you can come on my cock now, baby?” He asked and you immediately nodded, feeling the tell-tale bubbling of your orgasm beginning to rush through you. Your whole body stiffened as you screamed, his pace unrelenting as he rode you through the orgasm. He moved one hand down to your clit, rubbing you through it and keeping you sensitive, and even though you’d just had one of the most powerful orgasms of your life, you knew he meant to make you do it again.

“That’s my girl, taking me so well. I love you, sweetie, you’re doing so perfect for me,” you gasped and moaned into his ear, unable to think for the twitching in your cunt, driven slowly insane by the sensitivity.

“I’m almost there, baby, gonna fill your cunt with my seed.” He grunted in your ear, grabbing either side of your neck in his hands, resting his forehead against yours and thrusting harder and harder into you. You felt the second wave start to hit then, more drawn out than the first as he did his best to breed you, to plant himself firmly inside of you. He lasted only a few more thrusts before his hips stilled, bottomed out inside of you, and you felt rope after rope of his cum spurt into you.

“Fuck, princess, I love you.” He pressed another quick kiss y=to your lips, but you were whimpering from the continued contact now, and he quickly pulled out. He stopped to watch his cum drip out of you, knowing that he’d fully claimed you now, that you were his forever, and, resisting the urge to push into you again, left to grab something to clean you up with.

You laid there, gently coaxing your legs back into a comfortable position until he came back. He cleaned you up, bundled you up in some fresh pajamas, and returned you to the bed, wrapping you up in his arms once again, almost as if nothing had happened.

“It’s saturday, so we can just relax for the rest of the day, okay, princess?” You hid your face in his chest and nodded your approval, gently shutting out the rest of the world. It was you and him now, everyday of the week it was you and him.

Sunday

After two weeks of constant attention, you had to set a boundary with your new boyfriend very quickly, and you chose breakfast on the sunday morning to do it.

“Spencer, you know I love you, right?” you opened the conversation, filling up his coffee mug as he set the small table in the corner of your kitchen.

“Yes, you said it 246 times yesterday. I said it 274 times, but whose keeping count, right?” You laughed at him, and pulled him into a hug quickly, pressing a chaste kiss onto his lips.

“I love you, but we need to talk again.” You smiled up at him, trying your best to keep your poker face as you threatened to crack seeing his eyebrows knit together.

“Did I do something wrong?” he quickly asked, but you stroked his hair reassuringly, signaling for him to just listen to you.

“I really like my job, you know. I like working out in the field.” You smiled up at him, watching his confusion deepen.

“But if you keep fucking me like I’m a little whore everyday of the week, it’s only going to be a matter of time until I can’t walk, you know?”

---------------------------------------------------

🏷️ @w-windyy @multifandom-on-the-side @reidandhotchsgirl @babybluecakes @bluecandycake @hugyourlungs @prentissesredtanktop @reidscaffeine @bethanyhaas01 @average-sunflower @lover-of-books-and-tea @star0055 @daddy-dotcom @zaapsite @anniewhalelover @abbyshmaby @isabel-ffl-xoxo @sujan39 @frxcless @bluestuesday @busy-buzzing @breadbrobin @maxinehufflepuffprincess @l0v3cam @booksandwonderlands @myescapefromthislife @kat453 @ferrjulie @scoobydoopoo @aelinismyqueen @littlesingingbean @xohoneybun @anchovy89freya @dysphoricsanity @alyssaxstan @ghostheartbeat @beguiling3lavender @Casss2111 @zatannas-wand @rebloggiest-reblogger @kspencer34 @academiacoffeelover @softservepunk @andiebeaword @r-3dlips @cow-parsley @wakaladjarin @itsyagrillkat @ratbastardchild

#Spotify #spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid smut #criminal minds fanfiction #mgg #criminal minds fandom #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid criminal minds #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x reader smut #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x oc #criminal minds fic #criminal minds smut #song fic #jungkook seven

[lucyrose191]

Oh oh, can you write a pt2 of your kimi raikkonen fic? The date 🥰

SPOKEN ADMIRATION| K.RÄIKKÖNEN

Author’s note; not too sure how I feel about this, it’s not my best work.

Pairing; Kimi Räikkönen x Fem!Driver!Reader

Summary; Whilst the rest of the grid are out partying and celebrating Kimi and Y/N spend some time alone getting to know each other in his hotel room together

Warning; Implied age gap but not specified.

F1 Master List , Part 1

Y/N didn’t know if she understood Kimi correctly when he had invited her to his room for ‘a drink’. These days that could mean anything, if it was anyone else she’d assume they were asking her out as a sort of relaxed date to get to know each other but this was Kimi Raikkonen, possibly one of the hardest people in the world to understand.

Did he want to get to know her better?

She had never really payed much attention to men, she had most definitely been approached and asked out before but with a goal as ambitious as hers growing up she found it best to focus on racing rather than any other aspects of her life, racing was just more important to her.

She also wasn’t really a fan of how immature guys her age could be but Kimi wasn’t her age, their conversations had been pretty limited but she couldn’t deny that he was charming in his own way.

His ‘iciness’ had never deterred her in any way because she herself was like that too, in fact now that she thought about it she seemed to enjoy the press conferences much more when Kimi was there with her, their personalities, as blunt or ‘harsh’ as they could be, fit well together and she knew the journalists hated interviewing them together but Y/N found herself enjoying those interviews more than any others.

Taking a deep breath, Y/N looked at herself in the mirror, she hadn’t put much effort in her outfit, she thought if she was simply going to be spending the evening with Kimi in his room then comfort was the way to go and settled on a jogger and hoodie set, even if Kimi did want it to be a sort of date she doubted he’d have put in much effort as well.

Her hair looked great though and she had minimal makeup on and deemed it enough for the night.

Arriving at his hotel room, her nerves had skyrocketed, something she wasn’t familiar with as she was usually confident but it seemed all that confidence had left her tonight.

Not wanting to stand in the hallway of the hotel all night, she knocked on the door, it only took a few seconds for him to answer.

She was taken by surprise.

He was wearing a grey top with matching sweats but it was the glasses on his face that had caught her attention.

He looked hot.

"I didn’t know you wore glasses," she commented lightly as she walked past him into his room, taking notice of how uncannily tidy it was, she didn’t imagine him as a near freak but he surely wouldn’t have cleaned his room just because she was coming, would he?

"Just at night," he shrugged, gesturing to his bed for bed to sit whilst he walked round the other side where there was a bottle of wine and two glasses waiting.

Y/N gave him a funny look. "Since when did you drink wine? I thought you were into the hard stuff."

Kimi looked at her before looking towards the floor as though trying to hide a smile knowing she was right. "You prefer wine," he simply stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Y/N stood for a moment and stared, letting his words sink in. "I do-but, well, I thought you invited me here to try and get me drunk? I was expecting whiskey and jäger bombs."

Kimi sighed and took a seat on the edge of the bed, popping open the bottle of wine and filling the glasses half way. "I didn’t invite you here to get drunk," he muttered, turning himself around to hand over her glass before lying his body against the headboard, his own glass in hand resting against his stomach.

She took the glass and mimicked his movements, both lying next to each other as she thought about his words and what to say in return. "Why did you invite me here?" She eventually settled on asking, not really wanting to beat around the bush.

Kimi pursed his lips at her question, eyes trained on the ceiling as he tried to find the words, he couldn’t just blurt it out, that would be wrong.

Y/N turned her head and looked at him curiously, "Do you like me, like, are you attracted to me?" She asked bluntly.

She watched as a subtle pink tinge blossomed on his cheeks and tried to press down the smile that was trying to appear on her face.

"S’ppose so," he responded, his voice that usual Finnish gruff that seems to be more prominent when he tried to be nonchalant or brush a topic to the side.

"You suppose so?" Y/N asked, biting down on her bottom lip, feeling he mouth threatening to stretch wider into a smile.

She wanted to laugh when he simply shrugged in response, knowing that if this was going to go anywhere then it was up to her because getting this far was probably way out of his comfort zone and it seemed he was really trying. "Did you ask me here as a date?"

"It was just a thought- Sebastian thought it would be a good idea-"

"-This was Sebastian’s idea?" The smile fell from her face.

Kimi rubbed a palm over his face as he saw the look on her face, he raised the glass to his mouth and downed its entirety before sitting up and facing her properly.

"I wanted it, he pushed me. I’m glad he did. I hoped you’d be open to the idea but I know you aren’t interested in finding- I just thought-"

"You really aren’t good with words, are you?" Y/N smiled at him, finding his rambling quite adorable.

"You’re right though, I’m not really interested in finding someone, or well- I wasn’t but then you asked which took me by surprise and if you wanted to then I’d give it a go, us two. I’d rather keep it on the down low though, for now at least, until it’s something."

A half a smile had grown on Kimi’s face as Y/N had rambled, relief filling his chest at her words. He was honestly more than fine with keeping it quiet, whatever it was, it would be nice to figure out things without people prying and he wouldn’t want to be the cause of her receiving backlash.

He couldn’t give a shit about anything that’s said about him but Y/N has worked so hard to get to where she is and he didn’t want to affect that, besides he was planning on retiring in the next few year so after that then there’d really be no issue.

"Are you okay with that?" She asked, not knowing what his silence meant.

Kimi looked at her in the eye and nodded, revelling in the pure joy on her face.

"So, what does Kimi Räikkönen do when he’s not busy with his hobby?" Y/N tried to get to know him.

"Bwoah, I don’t know," he blew out a large puff of air as he thought before shrugging "Sleep."

Y/N rolled her eyes "Of course you do, that’s all I ever see you doing," she teased.

"I don’t want to talk about me, I want to know about you," he told her strongly which she relented to knowing that there was time for her to get to know him.

"Well, what do you want to know?"

"Everything," he immediately responded as though he didn’t even need to think about it.

Y/N looked down to hide her smile before looking back up into his eyes that were sitting intently on her, his eyes held a soft gaze that she had never seen him have before; not realising that it actually appeared quite often whenever she was around.

"Well," she began. "When I was younger, I used to be quite bothered about what the boys in karting would say about me but then my dad told me that it was stupid that I even listened when I was easily beating them on the track and would be able to beat them with my fists too if he allowed me to, ever since then I just imagined myself punching everyone whenever they said something about me, I still do it now, the amount of times I’ve imagined punching Will Buxton in the face is ridiculous." She laughed melodically causing Kimi to smirk.

"My favourite colour is light blue, it has been since I was born because my parents got told I was a boy and had gotten me a blue stuffed rabbit that I still have to this day. I’ve always wanted to drive for RedBull because Sebastian drove for the team and he was my favourite driver, I loved how ruthless he was."

Kimi was never going to tell Sebastian that because if he found out the woman Kimi liked had seen Seb as an idol then the German would never let him live it down.

"Something you might not like is that I actually hate partying and getting drunk because I got alcohol poisoning as a teenager and I love that you’re always yourself in front of the cameras and show exactly who you are and where you’re here, to race, you couldn’t care less about the fame and I admire that."

As she finished speaking she looked him in the eyes, appreciating the thoughtful look on his face and the soft curve of his lips.

They simply stared at each other for a while, shoulders touching and wine glasses long forgotten, Y/N still half filled.

It was a subconscious move in the way Kimi’s face inched closer to hers, he hadn’t even noticed but she did and mimicked him until their noses were lightly brushing against each other.

Eventually, it was Y/N that inched forward and pressed her lips against his. She had never experienced a fluttering stomach from a kiss before, right now was a first. There were butterflies flying around crazily in her abdomen and every thought had disappeared, leaving her a cloudy mind.

When they pulled apart for air, they kept their bodies close, not really wanting to lose their connection entirely, both searching the others eyes for any sign of regret but pleasantly found none.

Kimi lifted an arm and wrapped it around her shoulders, silently pulling her into his embrace.

Not much needed to be said between the two, there was now a clear unspoken agreement between the two that it was now the start of something that would potentially be great, if not the start of what could be their entire lives,

Both were looking forward to it, grateful that a simple night together could’ve made so much progress.

#formula one x you #f1 fanfiction #fluff #formula one x reader #formula one #iceman x reader #kimi raikkonen #kimi raikkonen x you #kimi raikkonen x reader #kr7 #iceman #motorsport #f1 #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic

[iced-nct]

Greedy NJM

Pairing: CFO Na Jaemin x F Reader Word Count: 4.5k Warnings: Suggestive, occasional swear, jealous Jaemin Synopsis: Jaemin knew the second you walked into his office to interview for a sales role that he needed to hire you. Incredibly well spoken and driven, you reminded him a lot of himself in some ways. Except he didn’t want you for a sales position. Oh no. He wanted you as his personal assistant. Promptly after meeting with you, he let go of his current assistant to hire you for it instead. If Jaemin is going to be stuck at his desk for ten hours a day, he’ll be damned if he doesn’t have a pretty thing to stare at just outside his door. Maybe you’ll be able to tame the infamous office playboy. 

a/n: just casually dipping in to drop a 4.5k Jaemin Apply Within fic that I have been working on for like years lmfao. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy! I promise I'm going to be more active with my fics again!!!

Jaemin’s secretary blinked slowly at him, as if to process what she had just heard. “You are… firing me? Did I do something?” 

“No, I just needed a change of scenery! And I’m not firing you, I am just relocating you to a different department” He chirped in response, his voice cheerful though his eyes were dark and expression firm.

Jaemin turned his back to her to head into his corner office, “oh. One more thing.” He turned, one palm pressed firmly against the door frame as he leaned back. “I need all your things moved by tonight. My new secretary starts tomorrow morning” He winked before slamming his door closed.

-

Today could not have been off to a worse start. First there was the hole in your favorite pair of stockings, then your coffee machine decided to have a meltdown, and finally you had missed the bus that would allow you extra time to grab coffee on the way to the office. As far as first day’s go, this was not your best. Having to settle for a pair of plain sheer black tights to wear under your skirt and ordering a taxi, knowing full well the extra money was well worth having time to grab a cup of coffee. You hurried out the door, laptop bag and purse in hand, just hoping as you hustled into the back of the cab that the day wouldn’t get any worse.

The line at the coffee shop was surprisingly not horrendous, it only took about 10 minutes before you were holding your iced coffee and making your way through the entrance to Neo Dream. Jaemin’s office was on the 20th floor, you remembered this from your interview. As you moved to get off on your floor a solid chest made contact with your cup, spilling coffee all down the front of yourself and the stark white dress shirt in front of you. 

“I am so sorry! I was in such a rush, I should have paid better attention” You rambled, hoping that this stranger wouldn’t chew you out for such an accident.

“Miss Y/n?” You looked up to see Jaemin smiling down at you. “First day jitters?” He asked, a playful tone in his voice.

Your cheeks flushed with heat, “I am very sorry Mr. Na. I will clean this up right away” 

“Don’t bother, I will call the janitorial staff to clean up. We should get started with your tour, after we get changed” He tilted his head, indicating for you to follow.

The view from Jaemin’s office was stunning to say the least, the sun was almost up now but you could imagine the sunrises and sunsets that could be viewed from these windows.

“Yes, the view is lovely isn’t it?” You turned to find Jaemin, a sliver of his chest just barely exposed to you as he buttoned up a black dress shirt. “I apologize, I seem to have run out of women’s blouses, but I do have a knit sweater that may work” he jested while handing you a gray wool sweater. 

It was clearly men’s, but this would have to make do for today. Just as you were about to slip the sweater on over your stained blouse a hand stopped you. 

“If we don’t send these off to the drycleaners, the stain will set and ruin your shirt. I can’t have that, and I don’t want you to either. Just wear the sweater and I’ll send your shirt off with mine” His smile was charming, almost knee weakening. 

“Oh okay… but is there somewhere else for me to change?” Your head tilted in question.

Jaemin’s eyes widened with realization “Yes, oh gosh I’m sorry, I will turn around. You let me know when you’re decent”

You turned your back to him and began unbuttoning the shirt. Unbeknownst to you, Jaemin could make out the reflection of your chest in the window beside him. Not much could be seen, but the way the black lace of your bra held you had him wishing you allowed him to watch. Just as Jaemin’s dress pants started to get a little too tight for his liking, you cleared your throat, snapping him back from his thoughts.

“Thank you for the sweater! What should I get started with today?” You asked, whilst handing over your stained shirt. 

“You can get started on unpacking your desk and setting yourself up. I have some afternoon meetings that I will be in today, so I doubt we will see eachother very much. Just answer the phone if it rings and book in meetings for this week” You nodded at the instructions and headed out, closing the door behind you.

You paused to lean on it, breathing slowly as the picture of that small sliver of Jaemin’s defined chest floated around in your head. In the office behind you, your boss sat down at his desk, taking all the effort in the world to not call you back in to help him deal with the situation beneath his desk right now.

-

Days had turned into weeks, and though nothing of note had happened after that first eventful morning. You had settled in wonderfully, making friends with people on the finance floor, accompanying Jaemin to the occasional meeting to take notes for him when he didn’t feel like it, and canceling meetings he had with Mark just because it was funny to watch them squabble. There was lots of extra chatter throughout the office as everyone buzzed with excitement for the first annual company gala. A newer finance colleague had asked you to the gala a few days ago, and you had gladly accepted, assuming that it was a friendly gesture from one newbie to another. Excitement filled your chest as you thought about how much fun it would be to attend this company gala. The excitement was cut short however, when the door to Jaemin’s office swung open. Your boss stood there staring daggers at you, dread rushed in as you mentally went through every file you placed on his desk today, every meeting you had booked. What could you have possibly done wrong?

“Y/n. Come in here please.” Jaemin’s voice was deadly cold as he strode back towards his desk.

You slinked in, he gestured for you to close the door. “Did I do something wrong?” You asked, hesitating to turn around to face him.

“Have a seat, we’ll talk about it” He nodded to the chair in front of his desk for you to sit.

Despite sitting, the load on your shoulders felt ten times heavier under Jaemin’s stare. He slid a small pink envelope across the desk to you, your name scrawled in ink on the front. 

“What is this?” He tapped the envelope with his middle finger.

“I’m not sure, I haven’t seen that before” You answered, and truthfully you hadn’t seen it before.

“It was in the files you brought me this morning, just tucked between some reports. Imagine my surprise when I opened it and found out my trusted secretary is having an office romance with one of my junior finance employees” the smile that hung on Jaemin’s lips did not reach his eyes. 

Your eyes widened “office romance? No no you’ve misunderstood. He just asked me to the gala last week, that's all. I have no idea what the letter is and I- wait. You opened it?” 

The smile faded as he processed your words. Oh Jaemin would not have his secretary on the arm of anyone other than him, and he would make sure of that. Despite the other women around the office, who Jaemin had been making his way through, you managed to get under his skin in all the right ways.

“Sorry, I thought you knew” He started, propping his head up on his hands “secretaries are required to escort their managers to the gala. Mark’s rules” Jaemin grinned lazily.

“Oh! So I’ll still be working, right?” you thought about all the extra things you would need to prepare in this case, starting with a much bigger clutch to keep all Jaemin’s business cards in.

Jaemin smirked, “That’s correct Y/n. You have to be by my side all night. Make sure you let me know the color of your dress so I can plan my tie accordingly”

You nodded, your boss’ phone began to ring echoing throughout his large office. “I’ll bring you a swatch tomorrow morning” You spoke softly as you stood to leave the room.

Jaemin only nodded in response before picking up the phone “Mark!! How goes it over in-” His sentence cut off as the door shut behind you.

“What an odd day” you pondered while sifting through the hundreds of emails in your inbox. Mark had taken the liberty to have Haechan set up all Jaemin’s emails to duplicate so you had copies of important things as well. Unfortunately this also meant you got to see all the emails that lovestruck employees sent him without knowing you could see the confessions as well. After deleting what must have been the 20th email love note, you came across a thread that caught your eye. The email was from another female employee, detailing things she and Jaemin had done the previous night. From the sounds of it, you weren’t the only one engaging in an alleged “office romance”. There were quite a few more like that email, all talking about how they loved it when Jaemin did that “thing”. You weren’t sure what the “thing” was, but from the way he had these ladies begging for him via email correspondence you couldn’t help but be curious. It didn’t help that some had described certain acts in such detail, it was only natural that your head drifted away from work causing you to think about Jaemin’s head between your-

The thought was cut short by a loud thud from the elevator. Upon inspection you could see the finance junior who asked you to the gala had dropped a box of their belongings on the floor. The security guard who was with them helped gather their belongings back into the supply box before giving them a reassuring pat on the shoulder. You thought about going over to ask what happened, but a ping from your inbox beat you to it. ‘I WAS WRONGLY FIRED BY NA JAEMIN” was the subject line, there was no body to the email. Just that one subject line that left chills down your spine. You glanced to your boss’ door then back to your computer screen, the email was sent to everyone on the finance floor. It wasn’t long before chatter began amongst your colleagues on the floor. Everyone was curious to know about their former colleague scorned, making incredibly obvious passes by the now barren desk that once housed the junior finance employee. Jaemin seemed unbothered by the office bustle, opting to send you a teams chat asking for you to accompany him out of the office for his suit fitting for the gala. 

-

The interior of the store was full of mannequins decked out in name brand clothing that had your bank account near tears. Though you were only here to keep an eye on Jaemin’s emails and schedule for the day, he kept asking for your input on the suits he chose. The swatch you had at home would have to wait for another day, though he assured you it would be no hassle to have a tie ordered into the office in the correct color. 

“Well? Does this make me seem intimidating enough?” He turned his head over his shoulder to ask you. 

There was simply no denying the fact that Jaemin WORE the clothes, they did not wear him. He looked stunning in everything, so much so that you kept catching your mind slipping off to imagine the things he could do in the dressing room. Your eyes must’ve lingered for too long without speaking, as Jaemin chuffed a laugh. 

“I’m so sorry, yes it looks great!” you smile warmly at him, just as another ping comes through on his work phone. An email from Mark asking about the firing of the finance colleague and why he is now receiving multiple emails from the distressed former employee.

Jaemin cocks his head, one brow raised in question “Something the matter?”

You lock the phone quickly and look up at where he stands on the pedestal for his fitting. “Just Mark asking about an employee who was fired earlier, apparently he is now receiving emails stating that he was wrongfully terminated.” You stare, waiting for a reaction from him that never comes. 

“Ah yes, he was fraternizing with other employees. Can’t have my department become a cesspool now, can I?” His answer is cold as ice, his face revealing no indication of what he is thinking.

You can’t help but laugh at his reference, as if he hadn’t been sleeping with multiple employees from different departments. “What seems to be so funny, Y/n?” 

“Oh, nothing. Just your cesspool reference was funny” You roll your eyes, not expecting him to continue prodding. But he does just that.

“And why, pray tell, is it funny? Is my finance department a joke to you?” His eyes narrow, the shop steward who was pinning the suit even stops momentarily to give you a glance.

You need a moment to collect your thoughts. To try and decide just where you should begin with this. “You know Haechan set up my email so that I get duplicates of all the emails sent to you, right?” 

Jaemin nods thoughtfully, before his eyes widen in realization. “You get all my emails?” 

You bob your head “every single one of them. Mark insisted it was set up that way so you can never say you just missed a meeting invite in your swaths of emails.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose, eyes closed in frustration. “Y/n, what have you been seeing?” his foot tapping against the stained wood of the pedestal.

“Just the usual. Multiple emails from Mark about meetings, Renjun sending gala updates, Haechan providing timelines for software updates, Jeno sending memes that he has made instead of marketing campaigns, Jisung sending you meeting schedules with investors for the week, Chenle sending selfies mostly.” You shrug, pleased with your answer. 

“That’s it? Nothing else?” His tone is tense and his eyes are fixed on you, gluing you to the spot on the bench.

“Finance employees sending you updated reports too. Oh! And just the casual love confession, or excruciatingly detailed emails from your lovers” You smirk at him.

“I see.” Jaemin steps down, shooing the shop steward away as he strides towards you, “and tell me, Y/n. Do you read all of those excruciatingly detailed emails?” He leans down slightly, your faces mere inches apart.

You wet your lips, noticing Jaemin’s eyes flick down to your mouth before coming back up to meet your gaze. “Yes.”

He straightens back to his full height, now towering over where you sat. “Interesting indeed” he mutters before turning back to the shop employee to continue with his fitting.

-

The next morning you had a large iced americano sitting on the edge of your desk for your boss, along with the fabric swatch. It was odd, seldom did you beat Jaemin to the office. But today you felt extra jittery, especially after how hot his eyes had felt on you yesterday during his fitting. In fact, it was a shock that you managed to get a few hours of sleep. You had tossed and turned all night, thoughts of Jaemin taking you in the dressing room after your conversation had taken your mind hostage. A few times throughout the night you had awoken in a cold sweat, finally deciding to just get up at 5am instead of trying to get a few more hours of rest. That was how you ended up at your desk at 6:30, a large cup of tea clutched in your hands as you sifted through more meeting invites and emails. 

“Good morning Y/n. You’re awfully early.” Jaemin smiled warmly, a glint of something else shone in his eyes.

You gestured lazily to the cup of coffee on the edge of your desk “That’s for you, the swatch too”

His smile dropped as he stared at the coffee and the swatch “your dress is red?”

“Yes” you nodded before adding “I hope that’s alright”

“That will be just fine, I just so happen to have a tie that I think is the same color.” Jaemin fixed a tight smile before heading into his office and closing the door.

A few hours later a gorgeous intern from accounting came by, stopping at your desk “I have an appointment with Mr. Na” She smiled.

“Sure, just a moment” you returned her smile while getting up to knock on your boss’ door. 

“Send her in.” Jaemin said through the thick oak door before you could even let him know his one o’clock was here. 

-

She left an hour later, hair messier than it was when she arrived and her stockings had noticeable runs down both legs. All you could do was cock a brow as she breezed past with her blush stained cheeks. ‘I’m sure I’ll get an email about that later’ you thought, mentally rolling your eyes. Moments later your boss appeared at his door, fixing his tie nonchalantly. 

“Y/n, take the rest of the day off before the gala tonight. I’ll pick you up at 7 tonight, alright?” His voice was cold and detached, much like it had been at the store.

“Sure, thank you. I will see you then” It was no use putting up a fight. And it was certainly no use to ask him what had been on the tip of your tongue since yesterday. All you wanted was to know why that employee had been fired, and if their claim had any merit.

-

True to his word, Jaemin arrived at 7 on the dot. A swanky black car pulled up outside, the driver meeting you by the door for you to get in. After the door was shut you noticed Jaemin’s eyes fixated on you, suddenly the tight red dress you opted for felt all too revealing. 

He licked his lips slowly before speaking “I get the feeling there’s something you want to ask me, Y/n?”

“Why did you fire that employee that asked me out and gave me that letter?” You asked, Jaemin just stared at you in shock, clearly not expecting that to be the question.

“I- well. He had falsified a few reports so I was going to let him go anyway, but…” He trailed off, turning to look out the window instead of at you. “I thought you were going to ask about the escort from earlier” 

You nearly choked on your own breath “Escort? I thought she was from accounting!”

Jaemin hung his head in defeat “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I was never good at processing things. Instead of thinking though the issue I jumped straight to numbness, and I apologize” 

You simply could not believe your ears, you had figured that’s what was going on. But somehow it still took you by surprise. “Wait, why are you telling me all this?” you couldn’t help but ask.

“When I interviewed you for that sales role, I had such bad thoughts. I decided to tell you I needed an assistant instead. But I had one already. I fired her to give you the role. I just wanted that pretty little ass outside my office. I wanted to rub it in everyone’s faces that I had the hottest secretary. But then you got that letter, and I noticed you starting to get a little too much attention than I liked. And I didn’t expect to like you this much and-” He rambled on before stopping abruptly to look at you. 

Tears welled in your eyes, threatening to fall “two people lost their jobs because of me?” Your voice felt raw.

“Technically only one, the other guy was getting fired for fraud anyway. It was just a coincidence. And I didn’t fire my former secretary, I relocated her to another department. That was poor phrasing on my end” Jaemin reached for your hands, you foolishly let him hold on.

This was an enormous pill to swallow. “So let me get this straight.” You squeezed Jaemin’s hands. “You removed your secretary, hired me because you think I’m hot, got jealous when I was getting attention, forced me to be your date for this gala, and then hired an escort to take out your frustrations instead of just coming clean and talking to me?”

“That’s about it, yeah” Jaemin nodded enthusiastically.

“I quit.” You pulled your hands back to your lap.

Jaemin’s smile fell, his eyes showing the panic he was feeling. “No, no you can’t quit. Who’s going to read my emails to me and copy down all the meeting notes that I don’t feel like doing?”

You shrugged “I’m not sure, Jaemin. I just know it won’t be me.” 

The timing was lovely as the car had pulled up to the venue, the driver was already opening the door to help you out. Jaemin clutched your hand desperately. “Please, Y/n. Please just give me the night to make things right.”

You brushed him off “I will accompany you tonight, but tomorrow morning I will be packing my things. I’m sorry”

Jaemin led the way into the gala, his shoulders slumped in defeat. To anyone else, you were sure he looked angry, but you knew the truth. The first hour of the gala was spent greeting fellow colleagues and investors. You stopped to chat with Renjun, praising him for how incredible the party turned out, to which he agreed with a small smile and flushed cheeks. 

“He’s into the party planner he hired” Jaemin leaned down to whisper in your ear.

The sudden closeness took you by surprise, but you couldn’t help but slightly lean back into his chest. The countless champagne flutes did not help the situation, no matter how much you wanted to not be around Jaemin right now, your other desires had taken over. Jaemin’s hand was placed firmly on your hip, holding you in place. 

“I think it’s time we get you home sweetheart” He spoke softly, looking around to find the nearest exit.

You could only nod, agreeing that it was in fact time to head home. Jaemin kept his grip on your hip as he escorted you through the crowds of people, stopping only once to whisper something to Mark before continuing to the exit. Just as it had been when you arrived, Jaemin’s car and driver were stationed out front. The car door was already open for you two to get in, he helped you into the car and you slumped against him.

-

Sun had streamed in through the large windows of your bedroom bright and early. You cursed yourself for not remembering to shut the curtains before getting into bed last night. Wait, you didn’t have curtains, or the luxurious silk bedding, or a king sized bed. Realization hit you, Jaemin must’ve taken you home. But when you looked over to the other side of the bed you found it still untouched. You were thankfully still in your dress from last night.

After gathering up some courage and taking the Advil that was conveniently left on the nightstand you took off down the hallway of the apartment. On the couch you found your boss, drinking a cup of coffee while leisurely flipping through reports.

“Good morning sleepy girl” He cooed at you.

You squinted back at him “lest you not forget, I quit last night. And you upset me.”

“I recall. I also recall you chirping at me in the car that you wanted me to bring you here and ‘do the things from the emails’ to you” He chuckled, blush crept across your cheeks. 

“I am very sorry. I will head out now.” You started towards the door.

“Y/n. Wait.” Jaemin rose from his place on the sofa, his long strides reaching you quickly. “Now that it’s not a conflict of interest, I was wondering if you would allow me to take you on a date?”

You stared at him, dumbfounded. “A date? Jaemin, you only hired me because you thought I was hot! I’m so pissed off at you! I thought I had merit, I thought I was good at my job!” You were stopped short by Jaemin’s lips on yours.

The kiss seemed to have surprised you both. Both of you stood in shock, just staring at each other. 

“You are” His voice was soft.

“I am what?” Your brows furrowed.

“Good at your job. Mark requested we send you off to another department that needs a manager. I said no, because I need you to keep me organized. I have never made it to so many meetings!” He grinned at you, placing his hands on your shoulders.

“Could I move to a different department to be a manager?” Your head tilted in question.

Jaemin breathed a sigh of relief “Yes, you absolutely can. I can always bring back my old secretary in your place”

“Then I will.” You beamed happily.

“You will what? Move departments?” Jaemin’s hands squeezed your shoulders in anticipation.

“Well yes obviously.” you rolled your eyes. “But also, I’ll let you take me out.”

Jaemin pulled you into another kiss, this one much less abrupt than the last. His lips were soft against yours, and his hands worked their way down your body. Your fingers combed through his hair, stopping occasionally to tug slightly. 

“Oh we have to stop. I still think about your first day when you had to change in my office.” He confessed.

You smirked at him, “That’s alright. I think about it too.”

“I’ll have the driver take you home and I’ll pick you up tonight. Wear something red again. It looks stunning on you.” He kissed you one last time before sending you off.

-

The next week was a do over of your first day, but this time as a manager for partner relations. But instead of taking an Uber, you arrived with the CFO in his personal car. 

“I’ll see you after work sweetheart. Let me know if I need to fire anyone for you” Jaemin winked before placing a kiss on your lips before exiting the elevator onto the finance floor. 

“Ugh, you are so lucky” another employee in the office wined before exiting at the next stop.

The doors closed, leaving you alone in the elevator. The biggest grin plastered across your face as you thought aloud “Yeah, I am pretty lucky, aren’t I?”

#nct dream #nct #nct dream imagines #nct imagines #nct drabbles #nct dream smut #nct fanfic #nct jaemin #jaemin #jaemin angst

[coryosmin]

Confessions - Finnick Odair x Fem!Reader

Warnings: NSFW Content MDNI, Talks of Trauma from Hunger Games, Talks of Prostitution, emotional sex, vaginal fingering, p in v, i love yous during sex, friends with benefits, sex with feelings, unprotected sex

please guys this is 3,000 words 😭😭😭

based off of an ask to do finnick x shy reader and one where reader admits her feelings for Finnick because her crush on him is so obvious (i definitely did not make the crush part obvious but pls enjoy it nevertheless)

It all started when you had won your Hunger Games. You were the victor of the 69th Hunger Games from District 4. You had grown close to Finnick as he was your mentor during your time as a tribute. And the night before the Games, you had confided in him with all of your fears, all of your weepiness, your goodbyes.

So when you won your games, it was more than a shock to you. You were in a daze. You didn’t comprehend that you won right away. When you had gotten picked up by the hovercraft, you didn’t react. When Finnick greeted you with a bone-crushing hug, you thought it was nothing more than your imagination. Nothing felt real. Not after murdering all of those innocent children simply as a means of survival. Your victory interview passed like a blur. You didn’t even realize when President Snow had gifted you the crown. You didn’t even realize how you had gotten on to the train back home.

You had been in this daze until you arrived back in District Four and heard the ocean for the first time in two weeks. You had been moved to a house in Victor’s Village without your family. Being eighteen years old, you didn’t need to rely on them any longer. So, in your daze, when you saw the ocean for the first time, it hit you. Everything hit you all at once. You were lucky that it had been only Finnick who guided you to your home.

You immediately began to cry, shaking as you understood what all happened. You had killed ten of the twenty-three other tributes which is more than what previous Victors had. You went through hell and back, so much emotional and physical turmoil, and now the repercussions of it all were finally catching up to you. And Finnick? He hugged you immediately, rubbing your bath soothingly as he held you tight, squeezing you to ground you.

The next six months that had followed was all about Finnick being there for you. He made sure you ate, he helped you find a hobby to help you process everything, he was there for you through all of it. And when your victory tour had arrived, you were almost yourself again.

That was until you had spoken to President Snow and everything you had any hopes for came crashing down. To become the Capitol’s Black Bird, he said. You were so shy and humble, you’re attractive too. President Snow thought you were desirable. And therefore, you must become an asset to the Capitol or he will kill everyone you love.

And you couldn’t have that.

That night when you had gotten back from your victory party, Finnick had noticed something was off about you and asked if you had spoken to President Snow. To which you began to cry. You were eighteen years old when you did your games, now being nineteen years old. You hadn’t had sex yet let alone your first kiss. A week later when the news had finally sunk in and you came to terms with it back in District 4, you lost your virginity to Finnick. He suggested the idea saying “I know what it’s like to have that choice taken away from you. You can say no of course but if you’d like, I am here.” So you shyly said yes. It was magical.

And friends with benefits situations were made. Whenever you guys had gone to the Capitol to entertain the Capitol citizens, you both would end up going at the same time, attending the same events. And when you’d get back to the penthouse, you both sought comfort in each other.

Three years later, at the 72nd Hunger Games, you and Finnick were mentors like you have been in the past three years. You both had just gotten back to the District Four Tribute suite with your fellow tributes from the tribute interviews. Everyone had made their ways to their bedrooms, knowing tomorrow would be the beginning of the Games. You unfortunately knew what that meant. Sponsors in the Capitol tend to place bets on their favorite tribute. However, in order for your tributes to get sponsors, you practically have to whore yourself out. It was disgusting but unfortunately something you were used to.

You felt saddened by the thought, knowing tomorrow your tributes will be in the arena and rather than actively helping them, you’ll be getting fucked by some random Capitol stranger in hopes they’ll sponsor your tributes. It was disgusting.

You had gotten yourself showered and into pajamas, wanting to wash off all of the makeup you were wearing. And when you were finished, you had gone to Finnick’s room. He understood how you felt as he currently has to go through the same thing, even doing it before you became a mentor. He likely did it when you were in your own games. You sighed before knocking on Finnick’s door.

A few minutes later, Finnick answered the door in just a towel wrapped around his torso. He gave a small smile before letting you into the room, closing the door behind you. “Hello,” He greeted, walking back into his bathroom.

“Hi,” Came the soft tone of your voice. Your cheeks were slightly red at the sight of Finnick. You’ve seen one another naked so many times and yet he never failed to make you blush. “I just didn’t feel like being alone, i-if that’s okay.” You said as you sat down on the bed.

Finnick walked back out of the bathroom in a pair of underwear, taking a seat next to you on the bed. “Of course that’s okay,” He replied, giving a soft smile. “Anything on your mind?”

You gave a small and sad smile. “Just what tomorrow brings.”

Finnick nodded in understanding, reaching an arm out to wrap around your shoulders, pulling you close to him. “It’s going to be tough. It always is.” He said, sighing. He pressed a kiss to your forehead which definitely made your heart flutter more than it should.

You didn’t reply, just allowing yourself that moment to be held by Finnick. You’d never admit it out loud, it would be too embarrassing, but you loved just being in his presence. You loved the feeling he gave you when you were with him. How he always listened to what you had to say, how he never failed to comfort you, just like you never failed to comfort him, he’s helped you through so much. And you couldn’t help the feelings you had for him. But with your current positions, a relationship would not be possible. And it was the sad truth.

You and Finnick sat there in silence for a few minutes until he placed his pointer finger and thumb under your chin, lifting your head up. “I’m going to kiss you, okay?” He murmured softly, his green eyes looking into your beautiful [color] one’s.

You simply nodded your head. And Finnick gently placed his lips on yours. His kisses were always so soft and gentle, like you were the most delicate thing in the world. It warms your heart. You kissed him back just as gently, your eyes closing naturally. Soon the kiss began to get more heated, his tongue exploring your mouth as you allowed it to. And eventually, Finnick’s hand was at the hem of your shirt. He pulled away briefly. “May I?” He asked breathlessly, asking for your permission to take your shirt off.

God he was perfect. You shyly nodded your head, biting your lip as you did so. Finnick gave a small smile as he lifted your shirt up, throwing it onto the floor. You weren’t wearing a bra underneath so your breasts were just exposed. “Can I touch you?” His voice held the same breathless tone as he asked.

“Yes.” Your voice was so soft and quiet.

Finnick leaned in to kiss you again, bringing his hands to grip your shoulders briefly before cupping your boobs. He kneaded the flesh, massaging them gently in his hand. You let out a small whimper into Finnick’s mouth as he began to play with your nipple while his hand played with the other one. You ran your hand through his hair, careful to not tug on it. Finnick pushed you down gently, laying you on the mattress. His mouth never leaving your boob as he leans on you.

He moves his mouth to your other breast, doing the same with it as he done previously so. You bit your lip to avoid moans escaping your mouth. You’ve been sleeping with him for so long and yet, you were still too shy to make noise for him. Finnick trailed his hand down your body, stopping at the hem of your pants. His green eyes look up at yours, as if asking for permission. And you nod your head in confirmation. He sneaks a hand into your pajama pants, realizing you weren’t wearing panties. “Going commando tonight, huh?” He teased against your skin.

You blushed. “Uh…” You bit your lip. Finnick simply chuckled as he began to kiss your chest and abdomen. His fingers trailed your slit, causing you to gasp as he spread your wetness around.

“You’re always so wet for me,” He murmured, kissing right above your naval. His thumb began to toy at your clit, rubbing it in sweet and slow circles. You continued to bite your lip as you inhaled sharply. He slowly eased a finger inside of you, causing you to whimper as he continued to rub your clit with his thumb. He immediately curled his finger, causing you to actually moan. You covered your mouth with your hand, embarrassed. “Don’t hide your moans from me, darling. I want to know that you feel good,” Finnick said reassuringly.

You were still quite shy, being embarrassed of making noise. Finnick moved his thumb off of your clit to give him better access to finger you. His finger moved slowly inside of you, hitting your g-spot so nicely. You closed your eyes as you relished in the pleasure. And after a few moments he added another finger and then a third. And you couldn’t help the small moans escaping your mouth as he fingered you. You felt the familiar clench in your abdomen as your orgasm approached, causing you to arch your back. “Cum for me darling, you’re doing so good,” Finnick praised, pressing a kiss on to your stomach.

When your thighs clamped shut, your walls contracting on his fingers and your body began to quiver as your orgasm overtook you, Finnick was praising you, telling you how beautiful you were and how lovely you felt around his fingers. It was actually quite magical. And when you came down from your high, you were breathless and couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped you as you looked at Finnick. His eyes were full of such…adoration and there was a softness to them. He looked almost as though he were in love. But you quickly pushed that thought away.

“Do you want to continue or are you done for the night?” Finnick asked softly, taking his hand out of your pants.

You bit your lip before replying. “Need you, Finnick.”

And with that, Finnick grinned. He stood up from the bed, standing at the end. He reached forward to grab the waistline of your pajama pants, pulling them off of your body as gently as possible before throwing them to the other side of his room. He took off his own boxers, revealing his cock to the cool air.

He crawled back on to the bed, hovering over you as you opened your legs to him. He held himself up by his arms. “You’re sure you want this, darling?” He asked you softly, looking into your beautiful eyes.

“Yes.” You nodded your head, reaching up to caress his cheek. Finnick kissed your wrist as he reached an arm in between the two of you, guiding his cock to your pussy. He spread your wetness around with his cock before lining up with your entrance. He leaned down to kiss you as he slowly eased himself into you.

You moaned into the kiss, wrapping an arm around Finnick’s neck. And as he entered you all the way, he pulled away slightly, leaning his forehead against yours. “Fuck you’re so tight.” He whispered, already breathless. You looked into his eyes, your heart fluttering in your chest. He gave you a few moments to adjust before he slowly began moving inside of you.

Finnick let out a soft moan as he thrusted slowly, leaning down to bury his face in your neck. Your other arm wrapped around Finnick’s shoulder as you moaned softly in his ear. The closeness to Finnick, the feeling of him inside of you, making you feel so good. You closed your eyes in pleasure as he fucked you slowly. It felt different than all the times you guys have had sex. In fact, it felt very similarly to when you had lost your virginity to him.

Finnick began to move a little bit faster, still maintaining a slow pace as he relished in the pleasure of your wet cunt on his cock. “You feel so good, baby.” He murmured, moving his face to look you in the eyes.

You looked up at him as he continued to thrust into you. Your cheeks were red, your hair was sprawled out on the pillow. You looked absolutely beautiful to Finnick. And he looked so handsome as well. His cheeks were dusted red, his eyes were just so comforting and warm as you looked up at him. He always made you feel so good and just so wonderful. And you couldn’t help it when you moaned out “I love you,” in such a soft tone.

Finnick froze, stopping his movements as he heard you. “W-what did you say?” he stuttered as his heart fluttered in his chest.

Your eyes widened as you realized what you had said. “I-uh” Your heart was beating fast, suddenly worried about ruining this moment and even your friendship with Finnick. But as you looked up into his green eyes, you could see a flicker of hope. “I-I said I love you.” You whispered.

And suddenly Finnick whines, thrusting into you faster. “Fuck. I love you so much, baby,” He says, leaning down to kiss you. You whine and moan, arching your back as he fucks you so deeply. Finnick grabs your hand with his, intertwining your fingers as he holds them near your head. He pulls away from the kiss, breathing heavily with his forehead on yours. “I love you,” He murmurs.

You look up at him so prettily, your eyes glistening with tears of pleasure and also of emotion. “I love you,” you murmured back, breathing just as heavily as he was.

Finnick’s pace quickened as he fucked into you hard. It was all so passionate and romantic as emotions were high. Your second orgasm of the night was approaching as you felt that pressure in your lower abdomen. Finnick must’ve been getting close too as he moaned, repeating the words “I love you” over and over again as he kisses your neck.

And after a few more thrusts, you’re cumming on his cock, your walls clenching around his member so tightly. Your fingers grasped his as your eyes closed in pleasure and you’re moaning. Shortly after, Finnick is cumming deep inside of you, burying his face in your shoulder, with a loud moan.

You both stayed like that for awhile, coming down from your orgasms as you stayed close to one another. And after a few minutes, Finnick pulled out of you, causing you to whine, but he stayed on top of you. He held himself up to look into your eyes. “Did you really mean it?” He asked, his tone holding a level of vulnerability to it.

You looked up at him and nodded your head. “I’ve loved you since I came out of the arena.” You murmured.

And Finnick couldn’t help it when his eyes began to water. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly to push away the tears before looking back at you. He cleared his throat. “I’ve loved you for so long, Y/N.” He said, removing his hand from yours to run it through your hair before caressing your face. “God, I love you so much.”

“I love you so very much, Finnick.” You said, reaching your hand up to his face as well.

And thus began your relationship with Finnick. You guys stayed relatively the same but now with your feelings out in the open, you could enjoy more romantic evenings together in District Four. And every time either of you had to go to the Capitol, the other was always there to comfort them. You guys loved each other more than anything in the world.

Which is why it made it hard when you were both chosen for the 75th Annual Hunger Games.

END.

#the hunger games #fanfic #finnick odair x reader #finnick odair #finnick odair smut #finnick x y/n #finnick x you #finnick x reader #finnick imagine #finnick odair imagine #thg finnick #thg series #thg

[murdrdocs]

INTERVIEW 004

with. theo raeken

includes. manipulation, fem!reader, fingering, implied reader x stiles

→ kinktober masterlist

He stalks towards her with intention. His eyes narrowed, the lights that tower over them in the parking lot reflecting within them, brightening them to clearly display the knowing mischief within the green. They’re trained completely on her, not even focused on their surroundings one bit. He has a mission, tunnel vision, solely focused on his goal directly in front of him, anything else completely irrelevant. 

Meanwhile, her eyes are skittish, nervously looking for an escape route. It surrounds her, the night providing the possible getaway she might need, ready to swallow her up if she gathered the courage to attempt to slip away. 

He’s noticing her tense body, it amuses him, lips lifting at the corners the closer he gets. His body is completely opposite of hers, completely opened and ready to take her in. Unguarded. Relaxed from head to toe. 

The height he has over her has never seemed substantial until now, when she feels as if she’s craning her neck to look at him when in reality it’s merely the tension behind her jugular that makes her feel this way. 

The difference in muscle mass between them increases her nerves tenfold. She can’t help but notice the defined muscular stature of him when he’s wearing a tight black tee, the shoulders of it a little wet from the once steady drizzle that has ceased completely. Almost as if the world has stopped around them, waiting with baited breath to see what he’s going to do to her. 

When he speaks, she barely hears it, the thunder of her heart echoing throughout her body at a volume that drowns everything else out. 

“There’s no need to be afraid. You know that, right?” He takes another step closer and she takes one back. “I’m not nearly as bad as they make me seem.” 

She wants to differ. To challenge his spoken promise with facts that she knows to be true, occurrences that directly prove him wrong, in the same way that the others would. But the fright of the moment glues her tongue to the top of her mouth, preventing her from saying anything at all. Leaving her at his mercy to sweet talk her to death. 

He seems to intend to do just that if the way he hungirly eyes her is anything to go by. She starts to imagine the things he would do to her, the ways he could tear her down to her wits end, but somewhere along the lines her fears twist from Theo sticking his claws through her stomach to Theo using his hands in a far more pleasurable way between her legs. 

She blinks, startled by her own thoughts, and begins to attempt to pull herself out of the neverending pit that the image opens up. Before she can even begin the climb out, Theo shoves her back down. 

Too busy with her internal struggle, she hadn’t noticed him approaching her until his hand is against her cheek. She finches at first, and then when her eyes meet his, they’re softer, less calculating, encouraging her to melt in his touch instead of freeze. 

“The real reason you don’t have to be afraid is because I’d never hurt you.” It’s simple, barely any real assurances in the empty promise, but there’s something about someone she was explicitly warned against presenting as the opposite. Something about the juxtaposition but at this point she’s too mentally drained to continue to think. 

Instead, she listens to him. 

“You know I’d treat you well, right? Better than he could.” 

Sensing her surprise, he smirks, knowing he’s gotten her where he wants her. 

He continues. 

“Yeah, I know about that little crush you’re harboring deep inside of you. You get off to the thought of him, don’t you? What, every night? Riding your pillow pretending it’s him. Using your own fingers and imagining how much bigger his would be.” The grip on her cheek gets tighter. He’s keeping her in place. 

“I can give you that, you know. I can make you feel good, better than you’ve ever felt. And you know what, if you want, I'll let you pretend I'm him. Just for a night. How ‘bout that? Hm?”

There’s something about the confidence, the assured way he speaks as he knows he’s right, that seduces her into standing on her toes and pressing her lips to his. 

She expects an initial moment of shock, for Theo to resist or pull back in repulsion. Instead, he instantly feeds in like he’s been planning this the entire time. 

And with the way he slides a hand down her torso, cupping her mound under her small skirt, she concludes that he was planning this. 

His fingers push her panties to the side, two thick digits pressing against her center and separating her lips. And as he slides the first finger into her entrance, she decides that she doesn’t mind being a clear pawn in his game.

Not when being a pawn brings her to laying her head on his chest, clawing at his muscles that bulge against his shirt as he brings her to an orgasm from his fingers alone. 

#theotobr! #🕸️ 𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐃𝐑𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐑 #theo raeken x reader #theo raeken x you #theo raeken smut #theo raeken #teen wolf x reader #teen wolf smut

[emmyrosee]

GUESS WHO’S BACK!!! WITH ANOTHER RANT!!! your resident haikyuu simp, that’s who. (a simp who is currently listening to her friend argue w her bf send help this is so awkward)

Today I offer: sunarin teasing a (slightly) jealous reader.

Okay so let’s just say that your relationship was more on the private side- no one outside of friends, his teammates and family knew he was dating anyone. But you’ve been together for so long?? Like years. And his fans for some reason seem to think he’s been dating some other public figure (up to your imagination) bc they’ve been at the same events a couple times now and somehow keep ending up in pics together. These two have like, never spoken aside from awkward small talk to be polite. Very un-relationship like. So anyway. You’re starting to not like the fact that every single time you open social media you’re flooded with fan pages shipping them, and Suna picks up on this and just??? Posts you one day??? Randomly??? And it’s both the sweetest and most annoying thing ever bc aww cute caption and stuff but “really, rin, did you NEED to add the picture of us from two years ago when my hair looked like that?” (He might have also posted a suggestive pic of you two or a video of you kissing or something at the end and you just haven’t scrolled that far yet so he basks in the peace and hides away before he can hear your shriek when you realize hehe)

Either way it’s sweet and things calm down after that, but he teases you RELENTLESSLY about the fact you were jealous and makes it known that you’re the only one for him ever. and that he would never even make you jealous on purpose or anything, he just likes the feeling of belonging to you as much as you belong to him <3

I’m just soft for rin, my next couple rants might be suna-centric :3

anon <3

WOULD LIGHT MYSELF ON FIRE FOR ONE (1) SUNA RINTARO, HE IS THE LOML AND I WILL ABSOLUTELY DEVPUR ALL THE RINTARO RANTS-

Ahem.

He’s a shit. I love him so much.

Because like, yeah, okay, paparazzi are the worst, and while he’s still able to live his life like a standard person, he knows what people do to celebrities who are in relationships, and he doesn’t want to put you through that. Your friends respected that, his teammates completely close lipped -atsumu actually has it in his interview agreements he’s never to talk about any relationships, and honestly, it’s been a life saver for so many of his teammates- but nothings perfect.

Sometimes, like an idiot, Rin leaves the house with hickeys on full display. Just. Out and about. The media loves that, and usually, Rintaro doesn’t even care, whatever makes them happy.

But then it happens.

He gets out of a limo at a sponsor event, with a ‘mysterious woman,’ dress shirt wrinkled and tux closed haphazardly.

And of course, a hickey just above the pristine white collar.

This. Blows. Up.

Because of course it does, and of course people now assume this woman is the one who leaves marks on your boyfriends body, and how cool he is for dating someone uNdErGrOuNd and whatever the bloody hell they try to spew.

And it hurts, okay, because this woman- Atsumu’s stylist, literally because the man child can’t go one damned day without spilling something on himself, and that’s actually why she was helping Rin, dumbass spilt champagne all over his-damn-self- is very obviously not his partner, you are, and it’s just. It sucks watching them get fan edits and theories on how long they’re been together when you know the truth.

It turns you pretty sour towards him, almost resentful, and he tries to remind you that it’s just a rumor and you’re the only soul he’d ever want to be with, but it gets hard to believe when you open your Instagram and it’s about how stunning “Rin’s girlfriend” is.

And you, obviously, are not that person. You’re you.

Instead of sitting together, you’re sitting on one end of the couch, far from him; he tries to snuggle, and you get up and leave the room. Instead of holding his hand in the car, his hand tries desperately to paw for yours or even your thigh, just to hold onto you, but you turn towards the window. Instead of going with him places when he goes to see his buddies, you croak out an extremely sad “how about you go with the pretty lady who gives you hickeys?”

He feels bad for you, obviously. But in his own mind, he’s at his breaking point. He needs your attention and affection, he thrives and breathes and lives because of it, and now he’s losing his mind that he hasn’t had it for weeks.

So, against telling you, and hoping to smother any other rumors about himself and Atsumu’s stylist, he makes his post.

None of them have your whole face, maybe an eye or a smile or wearing a mask (he put some thought into this okay-) but it’s very obviously not the stylist. He posts a picture of a shadow in which your hands are holding, the next one is a picture you took, where your hand was shaped in half a heart and on the other end, he held up the other half to match, and finally, a video; one where he’s laying on top of you with his eyes closed, your hand in his hair and scratching his scalp while he sleepily mumbles how much he loves you (the last video is actually one he took of you suckling and marking up his neck, his raspy breath on the other end; extremely not safe for the internet, and naturally, when you saw that, you shit your pants and chased him with a shoe, but that’s not the point.)

It’s something he clearly wanted to fix, but also wanted to keep you as safe as possible. And you certainly appreciate it, and when you see what he did and how the comments are now hyping you up, you shuffle your way to find him. He’s on the couch, carding his own hair, and smiling up at you as you approach him.

“Thank you,” you whisper, and he shifts one of the legs sprawled out on the couch to rest on the floor so you can lay between them, which you do. “I hated being so far from you but… but I couldn’t-“

“I get it,” he assures, nosing softly at you. “It wasn’t fair to you. I know how much you hated it.”

“She was very pretty, though,” you confess, and he lowers his eyes to peek at you through his lashes.

“You think so?” He asks, shrugging as you nod. “Wasn’t really my type.”

#I LOVW HIM SO MUCH I CANNOT STAND HIM #THIS ASK EASILY PUT NINE YEARS BACK ON MY LIFESPAN UGH #GOD GOOD ASK GOOD ASK BABY- #suna rintaro #suna rintaro fluff #suna rintaro x reader #suna rintaro x gn!reader #suna rintaro x reader fluff #suna rintaro imagine #suna rintaro haikyuu #suna #suna fluff #suna x reader #suna x reader fluff #suna x gn!reader #suna imagine #suna haikyuu #haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x gn!reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #haikyuu x yn #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #god I wanna bite his cheeks #I hate him so much now come here so I can kiss you-

[vminity21]

Destined | jjk

Pairing: actor!Jeongguk x female!reader, boyfriend!Taehyung x female!reader, f2l!au, school!au

Word Count: 25,530

Genre: smut, angst, fluff

Warning(s): unrequited love, mega-angst (im sorry), profanity, mention of an accident, dirty talk/jokes, smut, fingering, finger sucking, nipple play, m!dom, slight f!dom, clit play, oral (m + f receive), smutty kissing, probably some nipple play; Rated: 18+

Summary: You have had feelings for Jeon Jeongguk since you laid eyes on him. Through the stages of life he has engulfed your brain in ways you will never understand. His feelings for you bloom but a huge misunderstanding will leave you so broken, you don’t know what else to do other than run. You watch as Jeongguk’s dreams become a reality, and despite your new love interest, you never expected to be reconnected with the man who once captured your heart and is determined to find you again.

{Present Day}

Tears drip in warm trails off your cheeks when the click of the front door signifies the leaving of Taehyung. Admitting you are in love with someone else is already hard enough, but the pain of losing someone whom you thought would understand is more overwhelming than you could have possibly imagined. Conversation involving a famous talk show murmurs in the background, but the volume is not enough to drown out the sniffles now pressing onto the back of your hand while your entire frame shudders. Eventually, you plan to reach out to Tae in hopes of reconciling at least a friendship because it is what he deserves, and his heart is in the right place despite the pain you caused.

It is the face on the television screen that captured your heart for sixteen long years and the roller coaster of emotions encircling your chest tightens, producing a lump at the back of your throat as you swallow roughly. The movie premiere has officially been released, and the world has gone feral for the man seated before the interviewer who has asked questions the entire time as expected. But it was the words that the man said that confirmed what you needed to know, and when you froze with the remote almost slipping from your hand, you knew that you were still in love with him, and your now ex-boyfriend Kim Taehyung could tell in your eyes that there is no turning back.

There was a fight that prompted Taehyung to leave, but he was aware from vague communications that you and the actor in the interview had a history. A long history of almost unrequited love, or so you assumed, to reconnecting in the most unexpected way, but before things could get out of hand this time, you did approach Taehyung in a warning that maybe things weren’t meant to be, but he convinced you to stay because sometimes everybody goes through their spells of doubt. But, when it came to Jeon Jeongguk, there were never any doubts.

It’s him.

It was always him. And, when answering a question involving inspiration as to why Jeongguk chose the career path he is on- the words you had spoken to him back in high school were repeated, and your heart turned with the longing that never dimmed. You love Taehyung, and that was never a lie; he unknowingly helped you through a tremendous heartbreak that ultimately revealed to be a misunderstanding that still leaves you humiliated to reminisce upon. And even now, standing within the living room of your home, you no longer can take it; sauntering to the kitchen table, you scoop up your car keys, slipping on your shoes, there is only one destination in mind. Locking the door behind you, the crisp air of the evening that wafts along your face is a reminder of the tears still wanting to fall, and when your car roars to life, your vision adjusts past the tears, and you turn out of the driveway on a mission.

A mission to find some form of healing.

10 years earlier…

{14}

Sunshine reflects off the bleachers enough to cause your eyes to squint toward your notebook where you sketch enough doodles to realize you have not made a dent in your homework. How can you? The pang of a soccer ball bounces off a shoe into the air- kicked with intense force to cause your wandering eyes to view the anger now contorting the player’s expression. His lips stay in a firm pink line, but the dew from the earlier rain unexpectedly slips him onto his back while cocky laughter reverberates beyond the field. Heart turning with sadness, you remain hidden within your favorite spot, though even from a distance, you can see evidently that his feelings are hurt.

“C’mon, Jeongguk, you can’t make the team!” Kevin, the most raucous bully of the school clutches at his stomach overdramatically while his posse looms behind him. “You can barely make the tennis team! You’re in over your head, man,” and with that, they scurry off, shoving into each other’s shoulders as if they have accomplished the funniest gig when really, the most they have accomplished is the nausea rearing within your stomach. And, as much as you want to take a stand for the boy now swiping at his clothes, you shyly hold back continuing to seem hidden high up on the bleachers where he never seems to notice you exist.

Here is where you wait until your father comes to pick you up; unless it is overwhelmingly crowded, you tend to wander off in the opposite direction. You will hide within the room where the drama club meets to practice their lines. It may be halfway into your first year of high school, but you have successfully memorized every aspect of the school building, and while the memory dissipates, you cuddle your notebook to your chest when you watch the lanky kid spit out sentences of curse words before swinging his arm around in a mimic of punching someone.

Jeongguk is not the only one who has had his fair share of Kevin. It was elementary school when you first became acquainted with the two, and the memory still haunts you at times to this day:

“Piggy! Piggy! You’re a chubby piggy!” Kevin would, for lack of a better term, romantically sing to you, side stepping a full circle around you to where you would feel cornered. At eight years old, you were slightly on the chubby side though by nine years old you slimmed up, but on that particular day at eight years of age, Kevin took his demeaning banter too far pushing you severely to the limit. Jabbing a finger into your face, his snotty nose almost made you hurl on his brand-new sneakers.

“Shut up Kevin!” You warned whilst your stubby digits curled into your palms.

“Make me, four eyes!”

Glaring at him, you wished he would disappear as easily as a magic trick, and your fists remained glued to your sides while you fumed. Your stomach growled above the intense anxiety within your abdomen, and you were livid enough at this kid for interrupting your snack time. Tears gathered when you couldn’t find a swift comeback.

“Hey!” A young voice yelled. “That’s not very nice!”

Turning, you saw a dark-haired boy an inch or two taller than you with puffy, red cheeks and bright, brown eyes whose mouth pulled into a pucker once his eyebrows knitted together. Instinctively your mouth flew open as you gazed at your knight in shining armor.

“I don’t care!” Kevin blasted. “She’s a four-eyed pickle brain!”

That was it.

Slowly, you faced Kevin, the fire burning in your palms had never felt so real and before you could control yourself, you smacked him as hard as you could across his face. Kevin gasped in terror as he tumbled to the ground, crying dramatically once his hand pressed against his reddened cheek. Embarrassment washed over mingled with immense fear when you realized what you had done. Kids had been so busy enjoying their lunches throughout the picnic tables that they hadn’t noticed Kevin’s relentless sobs. Taking a step back, you lifted your hand to your mouth to stifle the triumphant smile wanting to grow at the sudden action. You smacked Kevin! The biggest bully you had ever known. Your palm and fingers were slightly pink from the aftermath and despite your heart ramming along your ribcage, you enjoyed that subtle sense of pride.

“What happened? Kevin, love, what happened?” The teacher ran quickly toward the tear-stained boy, bending down to rub his shoulder in an attempt to comfort. A blush crept its way to your ears as you watched the teacher lift the child to his feet. Already visualizing Kevin pointing an accusing finger toward you, you felt the ground being ripped from beneath your feet.

Kevin stuttered, hardly understanding a word he blubbered, “"She-he sma -ah-acked muh-muh-muh-me.”

“Is this true?” The teacher questioned, quite stunned to think a quiet student as yourself would ever do such a thing, but in the teacher’s defense, she was unaware of the turmoil Kevin continuously put you through. Frozen stiff, your eyes enlarged in evident fear, swallowing the lump in your throat trying to gather words, but had not had the chance to speak when someone unexpectedly spoke up on your behalf.

“I-I did it, Misses Kim.”

Those were not your words.

Those were from the little boy who feigned being ashamed as he locked his hands behind his back, staring at the ground. His bottom lip jutted out to add to the effect and all you could wonder was what this insane boy was doing. His eyes met yours for the first time when he raised his head, let me handle it, he pleaded with you before returning to Miss Kim. “He called me a bad word so I… I hit him.”

“Oh, Jeongguk.” Miss Kim sighed. “I am extremely disappointed in you.”

“Bu-But!” Kevin blurted, but the teacher continued.

“The two of you will have to see the principal. I’ll phone both of your parents as well,” she straightened her frame, leading the two boys toward the school while you remained sticker shocked. Jeongguk, head casted downward, slipped his small hands into his pockets, and to this day, you still could not believe the bravery he had. Jeongguk was your hero in that moment years ago and risked his school record for a girl who was verbally bullied by some petty kid who has nothing better to do than bring others down.

Jeongguk hadn’t known you that well back then and he still took the blame. In fact, that was the day nearly seven years ago when your heart leaped every time you would see him walking the hallways. He and Kevin were let off with a warning by the principal and you hoped that Jeongguk would become your friend after his stunt, but unfortunately, it had never happened and he was switched to a different class, so they could keep him, and Kevin separated to prevent further troubles if any were to happen. And as humiliating as it is to admit it, you remember crying when you discovered he wouldn’t be in your class for the rest of the year which kept you from ever being able to thank him for sticking up for you.

Now at fourteen, you watch him from a distance wishing life would bring him to you as it did when you were eight. Jeongguk, focused, kicks the soccer ball again where it soars into the goal, the net rebounding the ball back onto the ground. He stands in awe, breathing heavily as he bows forward to place his hands on his waist- hair swooping over his eyes, probably annoyed that Kevin isn’t there to witness the success. I believe in you, you want to whisper to the breeze hoping miraculously that your encouragement would reach him, but instead, you bite the corner of your lip nervously. Of course, Kevin is the current star of the soccer and tennis teams, and he is still the jerk you always knew him as. And, since it has been a solid seven years since the incident from elementary school, between the two boys it has been forgotten.

You jump when your phone buzzes harshly against the metal of the bleacher to see it is a text message from your dad of his arrival. From your peripheral vision, Jeongguk’s head shoots up to see you scrambling to compile your books into your backpack, eventually jogging to where your dad typically parks. Praying under your breath, you hope Jeongguk isn’t watching you, or finding you weird for sitting out there alone, or here you go overanalyzing absolutely any situation involving him… Again. Heart thudding in your temples, you hope the lad isn’t embarrassed if he were to think that you happened to witness the situation with Kevin earlier on the field. If only Jeongguk knew how much you want to support him.

Flinging the car door open, you roughly seat yourself inside.

“Whoa there, Kid. Someone’s in a hurry, eh?” Your dad’s deep voice greets you as he chuckles. Exasperation forms into a sigh, so you shut your eyes momentarily.

“Sorry dad, I just want to go home.”

“Alrighty then, but you’re okay though, right?”

“I am.” You promise in a murmur, shifting to face the window where the countryside zips past. Your father always knows when to let you have your time to yourself which is something you have always appreciated. Plus, you haven’t found the courage to talk to him when it comes to the topic involving boys. As protective as your father is, you know better than to bring it up.

Upon the arrival of home, a small house, fit for a family of three is nestled in a quiet suburban area where the neighbors respectfully tend to themselves and there’s hardly any space to run which you happen to not mind. To your pleasant surprise, your mother greets you and your father at the door. The smell of food wafts prompting your mouth to water.

“You’re home early!” You say cheerfully whilst your mom pecks the side of your forehead.

“A lot of staff today, so they sent me home.” She smiles as she turns to finish preparing dinner. Your parents have always been wonderful at conversation which you are highly grateful for, and once dinner is served, you help set the table before taking a seat across from your mother. Your father sits in the chair to your right. Each of you speak on how your days have gone which your parents enjoy hearing things are going well on your end. Though you normally tell your parents everything, especially your whereabouts when you’re hanging out with a friend, one thing they are not aware of is your distant crush on Jeon Jeongguk. At times, you almost confess to your mom, hoping she can give you some advice, but the other factor that comes into play is that you and he aren’t… friends really, just acquaintances which others may find bizarre as to why you are so infatuated with him. But you want nothing more than to be his friend if that’s all it takes.

"So,” your mother’s voice breaks the brief silence, dispersing any thoughts involving Jeongguk. “Now that you are finally in high school, you know, one step closer to being an adult…" She pauses. “Have you been thinking about colleges yet?" Mom stabs at her salad with her fork, the plate clinking beneath each jab. Pausing mid-chew, eyes wide, her question catching you off guard; you can feel your dad's stare as he remains silent.

"Well," you say reaching to take a sip of water. "I mean, it's a little too soon to tell right now… I think. Maybe." Stuttering, you nervously crumple a napkin in your hand.

When an excruciatingly few more minutes, pass with the same awkward silence, your mom chuckles. "I'm just messing with you. I’m not ready for my baby to grow up!"

"Oh, my goodness, mom, you scared me!" You reply in obvious relief noticing your dad's shoulders shake as he tries to contain his laughter. "She had you there for a minute."

When dinner is finished, after some more frilly laughter, you help with the dishes before running to your room. You shut the door behind you in anticipation for the warmth of your bed covers. It doesn’t take long to put on pajamas after brushing your teeth and once your frame tangles into the comforter, you feel better. The memory of the very first day of high school filling your mind until you drift to sleep.

{15}

Summer break always brings a loneliness that you dread especially in sleep when nothing, but the images of Jeongguk’s face haunt you in the sweetest way. How is it that a student, meaning you, counts down the days until they see their crush again? How is it that you actually enjoy being at school because it means Jeon Jeongguk? You get it. It’s not normal. It’s not normal for a teenager to beg for time to pass swiftly just to roam the halls of school again.

When you find yourself entering your first class to begin your second year of high school, your stomach flips immediately which increases your heart rate at the sight of Jeongguk. For the first time since children, you now share a class together which means you will see him up close every day versus a far distance between the bleachers and the field. Refraining from smiling giddily like the maniac you want to say you are, you bow your head as you find a seat to descend into. A seat that rests beside a girl with faded purple strands and kind eyes. She doesn’t seem familiar, so you figure she is new to the school.

Flitting your stare, you see the way a boy with dark hair gazes at the girl before taking his seat. At some point in a span of a few minutes, you learn that his name is Jimin, and her name is Monnie. Something about them makes you smile; it is as if they have a chemistry that is so obvious that even grown adults in established relationships would be envious of the bond they share. If only you could say that about Jeon Jeongguk… But that would require interacting with him. Which then requires bravery. And that is something you do not know how to collect without humiliation following close behind it.

Weeks pass further into the school year. The more you keep your ears alert, you tune into conversation between the new classmates as well as the whispers in the hallways involving them. Park Jimin is not only a fellow classmate of your first subject but started attending the drama club alongside Monnie. It is rumored that Jimin starred in a childhood movie that used to be popular. And if you heard correctly, Monnie was in the movie also which is how the two initially met. Jeongguk, who you have noticed has been adopted into their friend group, smiles widely at the couple and plants himself comfortably into the chair behind Jimin while they giggle about something you didn’t quite catch.

Trying not to gaze too long at the trio, you remember last week Jimin, and Monnie were trying to convince Jeongguk to join the drama club because he always had a passion for acting which is something new that you learned about him. Jeongguk seemed uncomfortable from what you gathered, but your heart bloomed with the hope that he would show up to the scheduled times the club usually meets. Would this be the year that he changes his mind? And why was he so nervous? If acting is his passion, why not give drama club a chance?

It is a typical Monday morning, one you did not anticipate, after organizing your wardrobe in the order of favorite outfits you plan to wear for the week. A strange urge to style your hair and paint on a bit of makeup surprises you, but you woke early enough to make it happen, and you throw on your first favorite outfit of the week. You feel oddly confident in yourself for reasons you haven’t quite figured out. Regardless, you roll with it. Is this a way to see if Jeongguk will notice you for once this morning?

Well, he doesn’t.

Maybe if you busy your mind with something else it will help. So, you do. Doodling along a piece of notebook paper shielded by your binder, you are tempted to write his initials within the hearts you’ve drawn but resist. With your luck, the teacher will catch you and read the drawings in front of the class. Then, your crush will be made known. A crush that he may dismiss or be confused by since neither of you talk. Sometimes, you just wish he simply knew you existed.

Drama Club becomes your primary focus once you near the end of your final class of the day. Mrs. Lee already passed the scripts for Romeo and Juliet last week for everyone to study. Today is the day she will have the students read their parts aloud. When the bell rings, you fumble through your backpack until your fingers grip the side of the play and as the anxiety starts to flutter within your stomach, you gulp.

The walk isn’t far, but your steps halt, tongue mutes, and sweat beads form along the line of your forehead the moment your gaze briefly meets the eyes of Jeon Jeongguk. He’s here!? In drama club? He decided to join after all!? Jimin who happens to be sat beside Jeongguk, nudges his shoulder to show him a funny video on his cellphone which disrupts you from your reverie. Did Jeongguk just catch you looking at him?

Your mouth feels dry at this point, and you hurriedly find a seat four chairs away from him to figure out how to steady your breathing. You thought you were anxious before, but the clammy feel of your palms on top of quivering fingers show that it escalated the moment your eyes met. How can someone have this much of a hold over you unintentionally? None of this makes any sense to you, but there is something about this human being that drives you mad.

Your bag slips to the ground by your side while your eyes glue to the script before you. The words of Mrs. Lee echo in the room once everyone arrives, but you are so muddled you hardly grasp what she is saying. All you know is that you are assigned to be the narrator which is easy for you to find because your part is in italics mostly. And then, you silently breathe a slow sigh of relief when Jeongguk is introduced to everyone by Mrs. Lee, and she assigns him the part of Paris since one of the students originally assigned is out sick.

You feel relief because that means Jeongguk isn’t going to be assigned Romeo. And that is because you aren’t assigned Juliet. The last thing you want is to see him, although acting, face to face with another girl. It would hurt and you don’t have time to be hurt. Even though it is you hurting yourself.

One thing you did happen to observe is how timid Jeongguk became when he was introduced as the new addition to the drama club. Is he really that shy? Or did he seem like he didn’t want anyone to know that he is going to be a part of the club in itself?

Unfortunately, he still gets taunted by Kevin which tears your heart into pieces, but Kevin wouldn’t cause him any hell over this right? Drama club isn’t even embarrassing, so why would Jeongguk be embarrassed? Are his parents against him having a passion to become an actor? Maybe it’s a family thing he is worried about.

You really overthink too much; you scold yourself inwardly.

{16}

College planning becomes the ultimate priority when entering the final year of high school. You even gained a friend in a sweet girl named LenLen whose sleek, black hair is tossed behind her shoulders while she concentrates on the task at hand. Last year happens to be a blur, and you spent the summer hanging out with LenLen, but keeping your secret about Jeongguk buried until you feel it is safe to bring it to life.

Speaking of Jeongguk, he hardly came to drama club all last year until the very end when he became even closer to Jimin and Monnie. They must have done an excellent job encouraging him because he doesn’t want the entire school to know that he loves to act, and it shows, yet he attended much more than you expected the final months of the last semester. What is he so afraid of? You still haven’t figured it out.

Rubbing your fingers along your forehead in exhaustion, jittery nerves bundle at your fingertips as your eyes burn from staring at the computer screen too long. LenLen asked if you would meet her at the library after class to apply for colleges, and she is typing away at the keyboard while you take a mini break.

There is only one college you have your heart set on the second you discovered it over the summer, and the only college you want to attend:

Konkuk University.

It is the top college you can attend to pursue a degree in acting. The constant talk of colleges amongst the teachers have reminded students to start preparing for where they will want to go to begin their dream careers. Your parents have been doing research along with you to colleges you can apply for, but Konkuk seems to be where you want to go. Where you feel, you are destined to go. The excitement of even applying to Konkuk seems to be the only thing on your mind.

Promising LenLen you will save her a seat in the cafeteria, you click off Konkuk’s website, sling your backpack over your shoulder and rush to make it to the lunch line. She arrives around ten minutes later, sitting across from you as your lunch trays almost collide. It’s as if your peripherals pick up her presence, but your pupils do not leave the sight you cannot believe you are seeing.

Jeongguk must have gained a new friend too because there he is entering the cafeteria alongside Kevin and his clique. Whatever Kevin said to impress Jeongguk is beyond you, but who in their right mind would see Kevin as a good guy? He has bullied so many people, yet Jeongguk gave him a chance to redeem himself. Or at least, that is what you are trying to tell yourself. You are stunned by the revelation that you almost miss the statement LenLen makes.

“I see you staring.” She smirks, kicking at your shoe as an equivalent to elbowing you if she wasn’t sitting across from you. You can’t help the way your eyes enlarge in response.

“Wha- what do you mean?”

Winking, “I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Shifting your stare towards Jeongguk, you want to cringe at the thought that somebody has figured out your secret. Or maybe you want to cringe because you have made it way too obvious. You decide to play dumb.

“Wh-who?”

“Kevin, silly! You haven’t stopped staring at him all day!”

Oh, the way your jaw drops so quickly and abruptly. It’s as if you are offended because in all honesty, you are. But LenLen is nowhere near at fault for that. Kevin just has no chance with you even if he is to be the last man on earth.

“Kevin!?” You manage to say with your voice cracking. “You think I’m looking at Kevin!?”

She swiftly examines the group of guys just to shrug. “Well, who are you looking at then?” Looking down at your food, which you have been nibbling on, you quickly start eating it again. LenLen gets the point and doesn't press any further. "Well... Whoever it is, just talk to him!" Though her intentions are genuinely pure, it’s easier said than done. You still haven’t worked up the courage to approach him. It has been years that you have known his existence, yet you haven’t said a word to him to try and introduce him into your world.

Months disappear into time and the one day you miss due to being sick is of course a day where one of your teachers passed out a test. So, guess where you are today? Staying after school to make up a test. Once turned in, Mr. Von leaves in a hurry, but you don’t immediately text your dad to be on his way. Instead, you shuffle through your backpack to find the script for A Midsummer Night's Dream to quickly highlight your lines to give yourself some quiet time.

Hearing footsteps reverberate in the hallway, a chirpy whistle is keeping up with the beat of each step. You keep your focus unbroken and manage tuning out the sounds. You do catch, however, the footsteps passing the open door, halting, to then backpedaling as if the person notices you are in the classroom.

“Hey there!” The deep voice is as happy as the melody he had been whistling, but there is something familiar about the sound of his voice. “Y/N, right?”

“Yes!” You reply faster than you mean to, and once your eyes lift to the figure before you, there is a moment where you want to run, but also a moment that makes the world around you disappear into the depths of your brain cells. Jeon Jeongguk. The person who entered the classroom is Jeon Jeongguk. Holy shit.

What do you say? How do you speak? Where do you begin? How do you begin if there was never a beginning? How do you breathe? How do you blink? How do you stand? How do you walk? How do you act normal? How do you even even?

“I’m Jeongguk,” he offers his hand, and then you must coax yourself to shake it, but even then, you are questioning how you reach your hand forward to slap palms and shake his hand.

“Nice-nice to meet y-you.” You force your biggest smile, but that feels awkward. Amazed, you can’t believe you’re even audible when speaking because your voice is coming out so quiet. You are nervous meaning you’re either going to be too loud or too quiet.

He nods. “You did great today by the way… Playing Titania.” One thing you have gathered about Jeongguk this year so far is that he has become so outgoing compared to previous years of knowing him. He is one of those guys who will talk to just about anybody and knows how to keep a conversation going. If only those were skills, you developed because you just make things plain awkward.

“And you did wonderful playing Oberon.” The blush heats upon your chest and cheeks while you return the compliment. Can your heart pound any harder? Any faster? You figure he is bringing this up in general because Mrs. Lee plans on quizzing everybody on their lines in preparation for the play. Your eyes trail him from the tips of his shoes to the handsome curve of his chin, and you hate the affect he has on you even over a small conversation.

Why is he so attractive?

The silence is smothering, but he holds a soft grin as he turns to lean against a desk behind him. “Thank you.” He murmurs, shoving his slim fingers into his pockets. Why does he seem so distant suddenly? Does this mean you leave? Why leave when you have waited to magically be alone with him for years just to be able to obsessively write in your journal every single detail you remember of sharing your first real conversation with Jeongguk? Goodness, you need help. He’s just a guy. But you know very well that trying to chalk this up as ‘no big deal’ isn’t going to work. Because him standing before you is, indeed, a big ass deal.

Jeongguk clears his throat. “I know this is random, but you seem very passionate about what you do. Have you ever had a dream that you were uncertain about? Like… you knew that it was exactly what you wanted to do, but you were scared maybe… it was too good to be true?”

Looking down for a moment, you know what he is saying. Everyone has experienced this a time or two in their life. Possibly even more. Chasing dreams can be scary, but that’s what makes it rewarding. He's obviously talking about acting. And from the past few months of the drama club, Jeongguk really has it in him. He really can act. Every line he's ever given, he's always shown the right amount of emotion. Each character he's given to portray, he knows exactly what to do and how to depict that character in the most beautiful way. He hardly ever receives criticism from Mrs. Lee, and he receives tons of standing ovations for his outstanding performances from his peers and you know deep down an audience will follow behind in his future.

You can never understand why he's always been so ashamed of his talent. Who cares what anybody thinks? Especially Kevin. Nobody cares about him, nor his thoughts anyway. So, why should Jeongguk? After a second, you realize he's still waiting for you to speak.

Deciding to take this opportunity, you give him some advice. If anything, maybe it will help him. Possibly stick with him for the rest of his life. Now that would be too good to be true. You just need to try. You’re so tired of him being ashamed of the drama club. He should never be ashamed of his talent. Or himself.

"Jeongguk..." Wetting your lips before you continue, you try desperately to gather your words. "Don't ever be afraid of chasing your dreams. You know you can do it, so why are you afraid of what other people think?" He looks at you, lips parted, his brown eyes deeply searching yours. "You know you're good enough to make it. So, go for it. I mean it." You know you’re coming off a little stern, but it's time for him to know the truth about how you feel. Even if it’s only the brim of the whole damn truth. "You are so talented, Jeongguk. I always wish I could perform like you; convey emotion as you do with every character you're given."

He grins shyly, leaning off the desk and reaching over to give you a side hug. "You know, I have never heard you talk this much before!" He pulls away, his eyes never leaving yours. "Thank you. That means so much.”

"Hey.” You murmur softly. Unintentionally yet boldly, you pinch his chin gently between your fingertips to keep his gaze from faltering. “Don't be afraid anymore, Jeongguk. Okay?”

Sincerity fills his eyes as you give him a terse nod. Knowing your dad is probably waiting for you outside at this point since it has been too long for you to not text him, you collect your bag and duck out of the classroom, your heart still pounding as if you just ran a marathon.

Either way, you’re thankful. Giddy, even. That's the first time you and Jeongguk have held a conversation, and that's the very first time you've ever told him what you think of him and his many talents. The only thing you left out was the never-ending crush you've had on him because now is not the time to reveal something that most likely wouldn’t make any sense to him. Sometimes, you don’t fully understand how deep your feelings for him go.

And that is okay with you.

-

The Friendship Phase

{17}

Familiarity in the form of heated bleachers against the skin of the bottoms of your legs bring a subtle comfort while your eyes scan the pages of the book assigned in literature class. With only a few months away from graduation, there is also the spring play to look forward to in a span of a few weeks yet the only thing you can genuinely rejoice about is the newfound friend you have in Jeon Jeongguk.

Yes, you thought that correctly.

You are now friends with Jeon Jeongguk which obviously deepened your feelings stronger than you ever thought possible. Shifting your mind, you scope the endless colorful, sticky notes sticking out of all sides of this book. You have always taken your studies seriously which is something your parents are very proud of, but sometimes you are exhausted.

Sounds of enthusiastic footsteps pounce along the metal bleachers which captures your attention to look up. “Hey, y/n,” your heart melts as Jeongguk’s bunny grin includes a brief wave of his thin hand.

“Hey there.” You coo even though you didn’t mean to coo. Jeongguk plops next to you leaning into you swiftly to then stretching his long legs on the empty bleacher in front of him. “I heard Jimin pranked you earlier.” Jeongguk shudders but in a humorous way at your random statement.

“And they just had the audacity to film the whole thing.”  

“You have the best reactions, and you know it.” You can’t help but chuckle with him as he shakes his head. With one hand, he ruffles his bangs, his smile staying intact.

“I’ll get him back.”

“When-”

“Nobody knows. It could be today, tomorrow or Friday the thirteenth.”

Teasingly, you roll your eyes. “Well, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

He elbows the side of your ribs prompting you to snicker at him. After a moment, the silence only lasts shortly while Jeongguk eyes you curiously. “Have you applied to Konkuk, yet?”

You remember the eagerness you felt last night once it was completed and submitted. “Applied last night, have you?”

His dream has also been Konkuk University which you had no idea until months earlier when the friendship blossomed. Acting comes in handy especially at a time like this because hiding feelings from the one person you’ve been infatuated with since elementary school might burn the chance of him staying in your life. If a friendship is all he wants from you, then a friendship from you he will have no matter the pain.

“Of course!” Jeongguk’s enthusiasm shows in his voice as he stares out onto the soccer field and the bright, blue sky. “We will have to celebrate!”

Smiling, you shake your head at his optimism with the hope for this dream to come true remaining. “Jeongguk, I don’t even know if I’ve been accepted, yet!”

“I have no doubt,” he reaches over and pats your shoulder, inwardly making your heart skip a beat. It’s then the familiar buzz of your phone reminds you of your father’s arrival to pick you up and though you love your father, it takes everything in you not to groan. If you could sit here with Jeongguk forever, you would.

“Thank you, Guk.” You say, nudging his shoulder with your own as you move to stand to your feet. His eyes always show a serenity when you use the nickname you gave him. It happened randomly but also naturally as if he has been your friend longer than he actually has. Jeongguk looks up at you, positioning his head where the sun isn’t shining in his eyes.

“What are you doing later?” You wonder, hugging your binder to your chest after slinging your bookbag over your shoulder.

“I’m practicing dance moves with Jimin and Monnie. There are a few moves they’ve been struggling with, so I offered to help.”

Auditions for the spring musical were a few weeks ago, and already being assigned roles, everyone in the drama club has been practicing nonstop in preparation for the play. Jeongguk stands to his feet leaning backward to stretch. “You can come if you want to,” he insists, standing straighter. “I’d love for you to join.”

Though disappointment fills you (because when do you not want to be with Jeongguk), you remember your mom is planning on cooking dinner tonight, and you need to study not only for a quiz on Friday but study the couple lines you have for the musical as well as the songs of choice. “I can’t tonight, but I’ll catch you tomorrow?”

“I’ll catch you tomorrow.” Guk raises his arms in the air, pulling you into a tight hug. As the both of you sway from side to side, you take in the faint smell of his cologne, his smooth chin resting against your forehead. It takes everything in you not to move to kiss him but then you remember that you’ve never been kissed. Pulling away slightly, you notice the atmosphere change, as if a nervous tension has made its appearance between you two. Slowly lifting your head, you see Jeongguk’s ajar lips first before he swallows. Refraining from scrunching your eyebrows, you have no idea what to make of this moment with his arms still wrapped around you.

Is there more that he wants to say?

Abruptly, as if lightning has struck, Jeongguk presses his lips ever so softly on your reddening cheek. Eyes wide and heart ramming against your sternum, you don’t even have time to react before he sprints off. Your fingertips touch the tingling spot of your cheek and now you will be counting down the minutes until you get to see him again.

-

The practices for the musical are building excitement for everyone in the drama club. The adrenaline rush of performing in front of a live audience along with the impact of the music when everyone’s voices join in loud harmony; the dance moves growing more in sync with every practice, the pure joy of getting to share this dream with people considered your second family; absolutely all of it gives everyone something to look forward to and you wouldn’t change that for the world.

Turning the page to your wrinkled script, you briefly study the highlighted lines. The air outside has warmed, the cloudy day giving off a strange feeling as you try to focus on the words in front of you.

Instead of pouncing feet, this time the footsteps are slower, heavier, dragging even. Curiosity mingled with concern fills you as you turn to see a quiet Jeon Jeongguk who is eyeing the ground, hands in pockets, pink lips in a straight line, walking to take a seat next to you. Furrowing your eyebrows, you’re surprised at his sudden change in demeanor. You haven’t seen him like this in a while.

This morning he was all smiles and dancing his little jigs down the hallway whenever it was time to go to class. At first, you’re at a loss of what to say, and when Jeongguk, finally meets your gaze, he swallows a lump in his throat.

“Something’s going on with Monnie and Jimin.” He murmurs, concern evident in his features. He scratches at his knee then slips his slim fingers into his pocket. Shock fills you.

“What!?” Replaying the day's events, it’s hard to keep up with Jimin and Monnie during the school day versus seeing them at drama club. Observing Guk, worry remains in his expression.

“Jimin won’t tell me what’s going on, but he’s been upset all day.” He chews the side of his cheek, his eyes zoned out in front of him.

“Have you spoken to Monnie?” Now realizing, the two of them haven’t texted in the group chat in a while, and you beat yourself up for being so oblivious.

Jeongguk shakes his head slowly, meeting your eyes. “She dodges me and Jimin every time we try to catch her attention.” Running a hand through his dark hair, he lets out a long sigh through his nose. All you know is whatever is going on is not good. Jimin and Monnie are crazy about each other whether they will admit it or not.

“What about practice? When’s the last time you all got together for that?” Bringing your hand to your mouth, you can’t help gnawing on your nails, anxiety for your friends rising. Also, Jeongguk has been practicing dance moves with them a lot recently; with Jimin, playing the prince, and Monnie, playing the main fairy, which are the lead roles, practice for them is imperative.

“A few days ago.”

“And everything was fine then?”

“Yeah.” Jeongguk is so quiet that you barely hear him. Your heart breaks, not only for the sadness of this situation. Without thinking, you set your stuff to the side, scooting closer to him, leaning your head against his shoulder. Your heart thumps within you at your sudden gesture, and self-consciously wondering what he may have thought of it. To your surprise he leans his head against yours, his warmth bringing peace after hearing the news about his friends.

Selfishly, you’ve daydreamed about his kiss from the other day, but now you can’t even bring yourself to smile about it giddily as you’ve been. Until Jimin, Monnie and Jeongguk are okay, you aren’t going to feel okay.

Inwardly, you hope everything works out for the two of them. They are beautiful souls made just for each other; and whatever is going on, you hope it doesn’t last forever. Staring at the sky, Jeongguk and you don’t speak, just sit comfortably in the silence. You can’t help but shove the fear aside- the fear of losing him. The past few months have been nothing, but you and him: becoming closer, encouraging each other, dreaming of your futures as well as the mutual excitement of hopefully attending the same college, dancing together, singing at the top of your lungs purposely missing notes, meeting at your favorite spot on the bleachers (your everyday routine) until your dad picks you up; it has been the most magical few months you’ll forever be thankful for. You just can’t imagine the two of you ever losing touch, and you don’t want to.

Still cuddled up on his shoulder, you look down to see how near his hand is to yours. The back of his hand is so close that the desire to intertwine your fingers with his is hard to ignore. Swallowing, the nerves build within you, contemplating on if you should just do it and see what happens, or not do it for the fear of rejection. The second you slightly move your hand even closer to his, your phone buzzes.

Jeongguk lifts his head in response, unaware of your almost gesture, and looks toward your phone. “Is that your dad?”

“Yeah,” you sigh, not in frustration, but more of disappointment only because you’re not ready to leave Jeongguk. Meeting his eyes, he gives you a silly grin.

“Well, I will see you tomorrow. I’ll update you if Jimin tells me what’s up.” Jeongguk stands along with you as you turn to stuff your notes in your bag. “In the meantime, I think I’m going to go kick some ball with Kevin and his friend Shownu. Namjoon and Hoseok may be joining, too.” As soon as you zip your bag up and sling it over your shoulder, Jeongguk wraps you in his arms. It is a tradition, you have noticed, that you both do before you leave to meet with your dad.

“I hope you have fun,” your voice is soft, savoring every second of his embrace. You get one more squeeze, nodding once when you both pull away. “Wait!” You spew the moment Jeongguk starts to turn on a heel. If you can’t hold his hand yet, then you will return his gesture from what feels like forever ago. A gesture the pair of you haven’t talked about… yet. On your tiptoes, your palms greet his shoulders, and you plant the sweetest kiss you can on his cheek. He is just as stunned as you are, but you do not give him time to react.

You jog up the bleachers toward the direction of your dad’s parked car. The ride home goes by fast because your mind is on full blast. Dad and you make small talk, but you don’t remember it because all you can think about is how soft Jeongguk’s skin felt against your lips.

As soon as the car parks in the driveway, you immediately run to the mailbox trying to force a distraction. Because did Jeongguk like it? Will he think you’re crazy? He kissed you so why couldn’t you kiss him back? Is he going to act weird about it tomorrow? Will he say anything?

You dissipate the thoughts by roughly shaking your head and return to the squeaky sound of the lid to the mailbox opening. Ever since applying to Konkuk, it’s been your number one priority to check the mail after school each afternoon. With already anxious fingers, you peek inside the dim, small space. A large, white letter outstands the rest of what you assume is junk mail and the panicky jitters swarm in your stomach.

Reaching for the largest letter, you see your name in bold letters, a smile forming on your lips as excitement fills you. Running your eyes to the corner of the letter, there in the most beautifully typed font reads:

Konkuk University.

-

When school starts the following morning, you’re all smiles as you tuck the unopened letter in one of your folders and settle it into your backpack. If there’s anyone in the world you want to open this letter with, it’s Jeon Jeongguk. Sitting in the first few classes nearly drives you mad as the nerves build with every second. Not just nerves involving whether you have been accepted into your dream college or not, but nerves from the kisses. They weren’t on the lips, but kissing someone’s cheek is just as much of a big deal, right?

You carefully scan the crowded hallways between each class period, trying to stay alert for any signs of Jimin or Monnie. You texted Monnie last night to check up on her, but she was very concise with her reply, and you knew it was best to let her be until she feels better. Whatever is going on is her business and you never want to pry.

LenLen was also the next person you texted, letting her know you received your letter from Konkuk. She showed her excitement with all caps and exclamation points leaving you a wide smile before you fell asleep. Despite the college excitement, you also scribbled in your journal about the events with Jeongguk because you wanted to remember that moment for eternity.

Now, nearing the end of the school day, the sun is shining high in the sky as you cling onto the strap of your backpack that seems to live on your shoulder. Heading in the direction of the bleachers to the soccer field, you hear the familiar joyful voice of Jeongguk.

“Y/N! Y/N!” He shouts, and before you can fully turn around, he lifts you in the air and twirls you around in his embrace. You laugh hysterically, watching as he does a little ditty, shuffling his feet in one of his infamous robotic dance moves after setting you down. As soon as he finishes, he rests his hands on your shoulders. “I got accepted! Konkuk accepted me! I am going to Konkuk University!”

“Oh, Guk!” You shout gleefully, crashing into his arms again while he sways you. “I am so proud of you!”

“Did you get your letter?” He gleams, pulling away from the hug, his hands now lingering on your elbows.

Nervously nodding whilst biting your bottom lip, you turn to unzip your bag, pulling out the folder you kept the letter in. “I haven’t opened it, yet.” You admit. A blush creeps on your cheeks. Confusion clouds Jeongguk’s eyes as he looks at you.

“Oh?”

“I wanted you with me.” Holding his eyes, his lips part then relax into a timid grin. With shaky fingers, you thumb at the flap of the envelope, carefully opening it. Your heart pounds loudly as you gulp. Once you free the letter from its thin package, you unfold it slowly, bringing it to your line of vision.

Taking a moment to find the sentence you need to read, your shoulders go rigid, your fingertips are suddenly ice cold as the whole world around you stops. Tears brim in your eyes, as your heart falls to the ground in shattered glass pieces.

To: [Y/L/N] [Y/F/N],

Thank you for your application into our Acting and Arts program as we are very honored for your consideration of us to pursue your educational career path. We are very sorry and regretful to say that we are not able to accept your admission to Konkuk University at this time…

The words blur before you. Your mouth hangs open, but no words are coming out. Every hope and dream you had for attending Konkuk has disappeared along with the excitement you had been feeling since applying. The emptiness in your chest is smothering you, and the worst part is…

“Y/N?” Jeongguk steps forward, worry all over his face as his gentle voice brings you back to the present. Realizing you haven’t said a word, your eyes shoot to meet his.

The even worse of the worst part is, the one person who has finally entered your life; the one person who you dreamed of being by your side through college and hopefully further in life; the one person who you’ve been inseparable with for a short span of time, will be far away. Konkuk is about five hours away from your town, and just the thought of hardly getting to see Jeongguk destroys you.

Tears spill onto your cheeks. You have no words. Bringing a shaky hand to your face, you run. The letter sways in the wind behind you as you choke back a fit of sobs. Guk’s voice calls your name, but it fades in the distance. You run elsewhere. Anywhere that is not you and Jeongguk’s favorite spot; any place where you will not be found.

At least, not until your father picks you up from school.

Devastation overwhelms you as the tears continuously soak your cheeks. All your hopes were set on Konkuk University. And, for the first time in a long time,

you feel stuck.

-

The covers of your bed have never felt so welcoming as you cuddle further under the comforter. The empty feeling in your chest is prominent as you try to shove the earlier humiliation from your mind. Squeezing the bridge of your nose, heavy footsteps catch your attention.

“Hey…” The deep voice of your dad sounds as he cracks the door open. With red, puffy eyes, you look at him, his sad face showing pity. “Mom and I are heading out to visit your grandma.” It looks as if he wants to invite you to come but knowing the information you received today along with your sloppy appearance, he decides against it. “Just wanted you to know that your mom and I are proud of you. Always. Don’t let this end your hope.” Blinking back tears, you force a grin at your dad’s words. “There’s always an answer. Konkuk just happened to not be it.”

Nodding, a tear slides down your cheek while your dad continues. “Don’t give up, y/n. We believe in you.”

Thanking him hoarsely, your dad gives a nod, closing the door behind him. Minutes drag, and you decide to brush your teeth to rid of the sour taste in your mouth and prepare for bed early. Maybe sleeping will help you escape this misery for a while. Once you’re freshened up, you throw on a pair of yoga pants and a loose T-shirt refusing to look in the mirror at your appearance and trying to enjoy the freedom of not wearing a bra. As you make your way to your bed again, you lift the blankets when the sound of the doorbell makes you jump.

Heart thudding lightly, your eyebrows furrow, sniffing back the excess mucus clogging your nose. Your parents haven’t been gone that long and if they had forgotten something, they would have texted you first. Making your way to the door, you open it. Your eyes enlarge in astonishment when you see Jeon Jeongguk, lips parted, staring into your eyes. Embarrassment flushes through you as your cheeks and chest burn. You know you look awful. You also know that you feel awful. Not a good combination, you scold yourself.

“Hello...” He murmurs. His hands bury in the pockets of his blue and yellow jacket. “Can I come in?” He asks after sixty seconds of silence. Speechless, you nod with a forced grin. Jeongguk steps through the front door then you close it behind him. It’s not the first time he has been to your house; he’s been countless times for homework purposes and drama club practices. You just didn’t expect him at your doorstep at this moment right now. You never dreamed he would show up to see you unexpectedly like a movie.

The two of you hold eyes, regret pooling in your heart. Jeongguk’s arms loosen to then step forward, pulling you into a tight hug. Your body trembles against him from the tears brimming in your eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” You whisper. You are not only sad about not being accepted by your dream college, but you are in pure devastation at the thought of losing Jeongguk. The man you have been longing for since you were eight years old. Why is it that when he is finally in your life, a part of your world, that life wants to strip him away from you again?

“No, no…” He says tenderly, his chest so warm pressed against your cheek. “Please don’t be sorry.”

“I just… I just didn’t know what to do.” You sob. Once you both pull away after your minutes of crying subsides, Jeongguk follows you into your room. The both of you sit on your bed, and his knee brushes your thigh as you two shift comfortably facing each other. Silence drowns the room, but only for a few minutes before you speak. “I’m so happy for you.”

Jeongguk glimpses at you from his twiddling hands, his pink lips form into a sweet grin. He looks as if there’s something he wants to say, but decides against it, returning his eyes downward, his fingers move to play with a piece of lint he finds on the comforter.

Awkwardly, you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear and sniff, the emptiness you feel not doing any better. You feel horrible for running off like that; you really are happy for Jeongguk, and you hope he knows that despite your devastation of being rejected by Konkuk. Deep down, you know he’s not angry with you for feeling this way, so why you are overthinking it you don’t know.

“Come here…” He says warmly. Looking up at him in surprise, he moves forward, embracing you once again to you resting into the side of his neck. His warm skin sends those familiar shivers all through your body. How can someone captivate you this much without even knowing it? Without thinking, you whisper.

“I’m going to miss you so much.” Your voice breaks as your chin trembles. “So, so much.”

He moves just enough to meet your eyes again, and his face is so close that you can feel his breath against your chin. Your eyes notice when his lips part, both of you staring without making one sound. You have never been kissed on the lips before, and never in your wildest dreams would you have imagined it to be with Jeon Jeongguk. Butterflies grip you internally as the tip of his nose brushes the side of yours, his eyes closing as you hold your breath.

As smooth as the touch of a flower petal, Jeongguk’s lips press to yours ever so warm and ever so soft making your head spin sporadically. The two of you pull away but only for a second to stare into each other’s eyes, as if he’s asking permission to kiss you again. “You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that.” He smiles so wide; you can hardly conceal the excitement bursting all over your heart that is mending because of him and those words.

The infamous pound of your heart awakes in your temples the second Jeongguk kisses you again.  His thumbs stroke your cheeks as your hands grasp his forearms following his lead. As your lips move together, you feel yourself laying back onto the numerous pillows against the bed frame. His body aligns with yours, the material of his jeans thick against your yoga pants. There are no words to describe the happiness igniting within you as you get lost in the feel of his kiss, the way his hair feels between your fingers, the tip of his tongue circling yours, and the way your legs tangle together. This day might have started off in the most horrible way, but Jeongguk knew exactly how to mold that misery into a bliss you never thought you would ever experience.

There are just no words.

His eyes meet yours once more as a beautiful smile spreads upon his face. “I’m going to miss you more.” And with that, he kisses you repeatedly, and you never want this night to end.

Never in a million years.

{18}

The clinking sounds of silverware interspersed with the numerous conversations populate the atmosphere as you rush from table to table refilling drinks or taking orders. It’s hard to focus on the task at hand after being here all day, but you manage to give polite smiles despite the stress of the crowd growing. It’s been several months post high school graduation since you started your full-time job here waitressing, saving up money until you find the right college for you.

Swiftly, wiping your sweaty palms along your apron, you take a quick break to check your phone.

When you have yet to receive a message from Jeongguk, you feel your heart drop in disappointment. Jeongguk left for college a month ago at the end of summer, and though you know his schedule is continuously busy, it’s like him and you have barely been able to speak a word since the two of you said goodbye. Fighting the urge to cry, you set your phone back in your locker and sprint to see if any of your customers’ food is ready.

The job continues to keep your mind busy enough to dismiss the sadness from checking your phone a bit ago, but not busy enough from the memories of your friends. You’ve never missed your friends so much; almost seeing them every single day to never seeing them at all took a toll on you, especially when Jeongguk left.

The final days of your senior year were eventful other than the suffocating exams that consumed everyone’s time studying. LenLen and Jeongguk were the only two who kept you sane through the horrendous time; and now, after finishing the final exam, you make your way toward the front doors of the school, stopping dead in your tracks. Jimin and Monnie are standing a good distance apart; Monnie hugging a binder to her chest, her stiff shoulders apparent as her and Jimin never break eye contact.

“Hey, y/n.” Guk’s voice echoes. When you turn to him with nervous eyes, he looks out the glass doors to realize why you’re silent.

“Oh, shit.” He whispers, grabbing your arm and pulling you to a corner to where you both couldn’t be seen easily. Heart-shattering, you watch as Monnie mouths something to Jimin, even from where you’re standing, you can see tears glistening in both of their eyes. Jimin looks down for a moment, returning his eyes to her, mouthing something in her direction as well. As if the moment was lost, Monnie rushes to a car that pulls up, and you assume it’s one of her parents coming to pick her up.

A memory floods your mind from the previous week, when Monnie, with sad eyes, told you the news that nearly broke you.

“I’m moving back home.” She whispered. Shock overwhelmed you at her statement, being her home is basically a plane trip away.

“What?” Stunned, a tear spilled onto your cheek. “Monnie, no-” you remembered the night the spring musical ended, Monnie left immediately afterward without a word to anyone. Jimin, depression evident in his countenance, leaned on Jeongguk for strength as the mystery of Jimin and Monnie remained. They never told anyone what happened, and if they had it was very vague.

“I know.” She said, looking down to avoid you seeing her cry. Enveloping her in a tight hug, you held her close as she broke into silent sobs, and you refused to let her go until she was ready.

A warm hand intertwined with yours, the memory slips away as you watch Jimin disappear around the corner of the school.

“Do you think it’s because she’s moving?” You murmur. Meeting Guk’s eyes, the both of you share a knowing look of worry, wishing there was something you could do to reunite the couple you two weren’t sure you would ever see again.

“I don’t- I don’t know.” He says softly, wrapping his arm around your waist for comfort.

The memory fades into the evening along with your will to smile. Thankfully, the second closing comes around, you quickly help wipe down tables, tidy up the chairs, and wash dishes before you gather your purse and phone. Refusing to look at your phone screen, you wait for the arrival of your mother to pick you up, wishing you were brave enough to get your license. Although, as soon as you settle in the passenger side, your mom and you make small talk until you both make it to the house.

Running to shower, afterwards, you freshen up with a pair of clean pajamas, soon settling into your room for the evening. Your legs are sore from standing all day. As if on an impulse, your fingers tap along the phone screen and before you know it, you’re dialing Jeongguk’s number. After the long day you’ve had, your heart yearns to hear his sweet laugh, hoping maybe it can bring some healing before you fall asleep for the night.

Chewing on your fingernails, the anxiety rising beneath your chest surprises you. Why are you so nervous? It’s not like you and him are strangers. Before you can scold yourself any further, the sound of his voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

“Hey.” Jeongguk’s voice sounds frantic once he answers on the fourth or fifth ring. Taking note of his heavy breathing, you wonder if he just came back from dance practice, or maybe he went for a jog.

“Hey.” A grin fills your face just at the relief of finally hearing him after what felt like so long. It has been a while since you and Jeongguk have spoken over the phone, and it’s hard ignoring how much you have missed him since his leaving for Konkuk.

“Hey, y/n, I’m so sorry but I can’t talk right now.”

A strange feeling overwhelms you as disappointment knocks on your heart. “Guk, is everything okay? I just feel like we haven’t talked in so long and it’s starting to worry me. I just, I-”

“I know, and really I’m so sorry, I promise I will explain everything later but right now, Jin and I are rushing to the hospital-”

“Wha-?” Shock engulfs you, and you can feel your voice thicken with fear.

“One of our friends just got in an accident.”

*

Your heart had stopped at his words and your whole body went numb. It’s been a few days, and still Jeongguk’s words have echoed in your mind continually. Swiftly, you asked Jeongguk to update you on everything before the two of you hung up. Of course, he promised, but even now, still waiting, you have yet to hear from him.

Sighing in utter frustration, mostly to yourself for being so selfish, you collapse onto your parade of pillows, pulling up your Facebook app. Just the thought of someone getting hurt tore you up completely. It’s one of those situations where you wish with all your heart and soul that you could help and save somebody from their storms. Then during the healing process, prove to them that they are not alone, and that you will do everything in your power to help them find an escape from their torments.

Turning on your side, you try to ignore the uneasy feeling at the pit of your stomach. You wish misery wasn’t a thing; especially right now, with worry racking your whole brain with everything being unknown. You have no idea if Jeongguk’s friend is okay, and you also don’t know if Jeongguk and his friend Jin are okay, and overall, you think that’s what’s driving you insane the most. How can you be okay if you have no idea if anyone you know is alright?

Scrolling through your Facebook timeline, you try to distract yourself from the inner turmoil of fear threatening to consume you. As if this week couldn’t get any worse, what catches your eye next causes you to sit up. In the picture sits a group of people, all tagged from what looks to be a middle-aged woman who you assume is somebody’s mother, and as your eyes linger over their faces, you pause at the young girl who is smiling contently with Jeongguk’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Jeongguk’s arm wrapped around her shoulders.

Blinking back tears, you take in his dimpled grin expression, the one you had fallen in love with over and over again; realization plagues you and now everything makes sense as to why you haven’t heard from him as much. Clicking off Facebook, you decide to deactivate your account as well as the many other social media accounts you have that Jeongguk follows. You don’t even hesitate to block his number. Jeongguk has moved on, and even though you don’t want to accept it, you must. Slinging your phone toward the end of the bed, you bury your face into the comforter letting the thick material muffle the wails as warm tears stream down your face.

{22}

Do people truly move on from a broken heart? Or do they suppress the situation so far in the back of their mind that they eventually numb themselves from the pain of the devastation? Either one could be you, but you haven’t given it much thought in four long years. More like forced yourself not to think about it.

Twirling the cold beverage in your hand, the evident taste of beer pools on your tongue once you take a slow sip. You do not necessarily care for alcoholic beverages, but this brewery in downtown has been a nice place to frequent on lonely Friday nights. A few stragglers take a seat at the bar while the bar tenders’ breeze back and forth to prepare the orders.

You never went to college. Almost did, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t the right thing to do at the time.  However, you found a job opportunity to become a prop organizer for sets. Did you go for it? You did, training under a family friend, but held the bitterness of not attending your dream college, so you decided to work on multiple television sets for a couple years until you changed career paths. Instead, you applied for a banking job. You have your own desk at least and a set schedule. You also always have weekends off and the pay is somewhat decent.

Are you happy at the job? Not really but are you content with the job? To an extent. LenLen shoots a brief text with a picture of a meme that makes you smirk to yourself. You are grateful that you have maintained a wonderful friendship with this angelic human being. If it wasn’t for her then you would have never gotten over… Him. But as one may question, have you really gotten over him? You have made it clear to your parents, you didn’t move on because you wanted to, it’s because you had to. He found someone else. You finally accepted that you merely weren’t enough for him. LenLen argues that you should have communicated with him to be sure, but you disagree.

Regardless, you refuse to say his name, or create any social media that puts you at risk from seeing something that will rehash the day you discovered he had someone else. The only human being you have kept up with is Monnie from her movie premieres. She has become a highly known actress since you last saw her in high school- a super successful actress in her career. Subconsciously, you wonder if Monnie was ever able to rekindle her relationship with Jimin now that they are adults, but for now, you cheer Monnie on from the sidelines. She deserves her fame, and you will forever be so proud of her.

LenLen still harps about how cool it is that the pair of you attended school with a celebrity. And you definitely agree. You also hope Monnie’s heart has been mended the way you wish yours would. What is it about losing someone special that can take away so much of you? Sometimes you regret letting the initial pain from four years ago haunt you still. Why can’t you just forget about him entirely?

Your stomach gurgles momentarily to remind you that you need to eat something before you get buzzed. Unfortunately, you aren’t a fan of the food at the brewery, so you plan to run by a drive thru when you decide to head home.

The slide of a full glass of beer captures your attention when the lean fit frame of an individual carefully takes a seat beside you. Do you turn to look? Is it appropriate to stare? Your shoulders tense especially when you smell the crisp scent of cologne. You could smack yourself too because it smells delightful.

You’ve dated here and there, but they were never good enough. LenLen blames it on your past heartbreak, but you assure her that is not the case. At least, you wish it wasn’t the case but here you are. Whoever this person is, smoothly leaning on his elbow to face you, is entering dangerous territory if he is going to smell this enticing.  

“Waiting on anyone?” His voice is like velvet when he speaks, and you shift in the stool to eye him curiously. Your heart skips a sudden beat, and you have to fight every fiber of your being to put on your best acting skills.

Black strands are tousled though few are wisping at the corners of his brown irises. An amused gaze stays in his expression and along the smooth, pale skin of his face tilts a gentle smirk with pink lips. He is the most beautiful, exquisite man you have seen in a while. And he chose to plant his rump next to you. Great.

“I’m not.” You timidly bite your bottom lip because what else are you supposed to do? You already want to hide from the heated blush running along your chest, but you remain rooted in your seat.

Relief shows in the form of his dropping shoulders as he breathes a swift sigh. “Good because I’m not as tough as I was trying to look.”

“Nonsense!” You giggle profusely, seeing the way his smile grows into one of comfort.

“No, really. I’m not one to fight, but I was going to throw some hands at any man if it means at least getting your name. Taehyung,” his smile stays intact as he offers his hand. Feeling the warmth of his palm, you are embarrassed when you notice yours is clammy, but Taehyung doesn’t seem to mind.

“Y/N,” you say softly, having a hard time taking your eyes off him.

He seems as though he wants to say something, but he’s so entranced by you that he clears his throat awkwardly instead. “What brings you here alone on a Friday night?” Taehyung takes a sip of his beer.

Shrugging your shoulders, you realize your hand is tightly gripping your glass from the nerves. “Honestly… I don’t know. It’s just a place for me to escape to for a while.”

“Do you… Give me permission to join you? Sometimes escaping is fun if you have a partner in crime.” Hope resonates in his eyes at the question and there’s something about him that you can’t shake. Is this a coincidence? Or is this fate? Will he be the one to mend your heart into what it should be? You aren’t sure, but you will gladly find out.

“Of course,” you smile, and that became the beginning of a new love story. Or so you hope.

{23}

The time we all have been waiting for

One year ago, you met your boyfriend, Taehyung, and one year ago is when you experienced a high you have missed. He was your first everything aside from kissing, and once intimacy became comfortable, it then became addicting. You did learn after a month of courting, that Taehyung had gone through a horrible break up leading to the night you both first met. As much as you would love to admit that you relate to him, you don’t. You want to keep your former love buried deep in the crevices of your mind, so your heart can breathe.

What really piqued your interest in Taehyung was discovering he is a cameraman for movies galore. How crazy is that? You have always wanted a career related to film and acting and here you are dating a cameraman. A successful one at that. His father happens to be a well-known director so part of that has contributed to his career, but you have enjoyed the sets you secretly have gotten to visit whether the movie makes it to the big screen or not.

There’s just… something missing. You cannot seem to pinpoint exactly what it is that’s missing. But something just isn’t there. The guilt eats you alive somedays, but Taehyung has been a dedicated lover and friend, so why ruin what is a decent relationship?

“I’ll be back tomorrow, and by then, I should have more information on where my next job is located.” Taehyung reaches to hold you then plants a soft kiss to your lips. “Behave.”

Snickering, you shove him. “I can’t promise I won’t fuck something up. The cookie jar was just meant to fall off the counter.”

“Pushed.” He corrects.

“Accidentally.”

Taehyung shakes his head teasingly at you while his fingers move to grip your hips. “I want everything intact when I get back, okay?”

“Roger that.” You nod once, letting the next kiss linger. The tip of his tongue greets yours which prompts you to moan.

“I’ll miss you.” He whispers.

“I’ll miss you, too. Let me know when you land.”

You hate the loneliness you feel when Taehyung leaves to travel to his job locations. But you know he must. The pair of you moved in together four months after dating which you know is a bit fast, but he had been so good to you that you couldn’t help but rush it. It’s as if you were chasing a spark, you hoped would remain, but never truly found it. But nobody has to know that but you. You always liked his company because he always stayed so peaceful. You assume that his presence not being in the house makes you feel you might succumb into the sadness you experienced so long ago.

The second Taehyung calls the next morning, you can’t believe the exhilarating news he shares. “Do you remember the girl you went to school with that became an actress?”

Your breathing hitches. “Monnie?”

“That’s the one!” Taehyung beams to the point that you can tell he’s smiling on the other end of the line. “She’s starring in the movie I was hired to help film!”

“Are you serious!? Goodness, it’s been years since I’ve seen her!”

“Well about that...” Taehyung hints, and you steady your excitement.

“Yes? Come on, spit it out!”

“So, they’re doing a table reading of the script while the rest of us crew prepares the sets. And I may or may not have bought you a plane ticket, so you and her can catch up.”

“No way!” You screech. “You mean it? I’m really going to see her!? Oh God, what if she doesn’t remember me?”

Taehyung’s laugh reverberates through the phone. “Of course, she remembers you, and she’d love to see you again. It was her idea to fly you out here!”

“Oh, you tell her thank you so much! …Am I on speaker?” You lower your voice.

“… No?”

“You’re going to get you some of that goody good the second the plane lands you best believe. I’ll even wear a thong.”

Taehyung’s chuckle darkens with lust. “I’ll be ready. I love you.”

“Love you.” You nearly scream, jumping on your bed in happiness. You get to reconnect with an old friend, and maybe being with Taehyung for a bit will strengthen the hope that there shouldn’t be any doubt about this relationship. Scurrying to your closet, you throw all your clothes down to figure out what you’re going to wear and what you’re going to pack.

If only you knew who else was going to be there the moment you arrive.

-

You’re exhausted by the time the flight ends, but you happily greet your boyfriend who smiles widely at your presence. “There you are.” He coos, pinching your chin before planting a sweet kiss.

“I need some caffeine.” You say, kissing him one more time. “Has the table reading started?”

“It has, but as long as traffic is fine, we may make it on time.”

Throwing your duffel in the back of the rental car, you shuffle to the passenger side letting Taehyung rest his large hand on your thigh. Why aren’t you as excited to see him as you hoped you would be? In all honesty, you’re more excited to see Monnie more than your own boyfriend.

“Hopefully me and Monnie can reschedule if we end up late.” You are disappointed, but it is also not your fault that your flight was delayed by two hours. Taehyung squeezes your thigh while your eyes gaze at the scenery passing by. Taehyung offers to grab you a coffee, but you decline in hopes it will get you to Monnie faster.

Once the car is parked, you, hand in hand with Taehyung, enter the facility and you halt unintentionally when you see a frantic Park Jimin running after who you see to be Monnie who is keeping her gaze downward. Your eyes widen in elation. Have they been in contact this whole time? Then… Why do they look so worried?

You squeeze Taehyung’s hand and whisper, him leaning closer so he can hear you. “I think it’s safe to say that we’re rescheduling.” Taehyung sees the scene as the couple in the distance disappear around a corner and he mouths an ‘Oh.’

“I’ll show you around, then.” He clears his throat, and he unintentionally drops your hand when the pair of you round a corner into where a large table with numerous chairs sits. Few sparse, bundles of people are sharing conversation that echoes throughout the building and when someone starts greeting Taehyung, your eyes scan the room until they stop on an individual whose coffee cup drops right out of his hand in pure, debilitating astonishment.

His shoulders shudder in embarrassment, but your heart is racing so fast, you are not sure if you are breathing. How is this possible? How is this real? Someone with blue hair beside him rushes to clean the mess, but you can’t run because your boyfriend is only a few inches from you, yet you back away slowly to try and calm yourself. You feel lightheaded as if you are in a torturous dream, especially when you catch his eyes again that are equally enlarged with disbelief.

“J- Jeongguk?”

7 years earlier…

Jeongguk smiles triumphantly at the director of the college who unfortunately sent your letter of acceptance to the wrong individual who happened to share the same name as you. Jeongguk couldn’t be more thankful to solve this mistake, and to celebrate, he has been working two part time jobs on top of juggling his college classes to save up money to purchase a necklace he has been dying to get you since he moved to Konkuk University.

He knew something wasn’t right that you didn’t get accepted into Konkuk when your grades should have reflected how hard working of a student you are. Secretly, he made it a pact to get to the bottom of it, and now that he has, he cannot wait to share this news with you. You can either start classes this coming spring or start completely the following year and Jeongguk will remain by you every waking moment. Even if it’s mostly over phone for now.

He misses you more than words can say, and the exhaustion that plagues him continually is no help on the nights he’d rather stay up talking to you. He does feel guilty on the other hand that he hardly has been able to text much due to his doting schedule. Seokjin, a friend he gained, who has been a much better colleague than Kevin, greets him at the library where they plan to study.

Jeongguk has made acquaintances too, one being a guy with blue hair named Yoongi and the other being a girl named Sun Hee who Jeongguk believes is Yoongi’s girlfriend from the way they interact. What Jeongguk didn’t expect after gradually introducing the small group in his life is the accident that ensues that leaves Yoongi injured and in the hospital.

Of course, you had called right when he finds out the terrifying news that leaves him and a frantic Seokjin scurrying to the car to make it to the hospital. He plans to call you to tell you everything at some point but as the days continue, the nerves involving Yoongi get worse and Jeongguk can hardly focus on anything else but his friend. If anything, he wishes he has you to hold, but he knows it would be impossible for you to make it the five hours to him when you don’t have your license yet. Nor does he want to interrupt your job. Or, upset your dad.

Many students who either have classes with Yoongi, family, or friends of Yoongi’s visit him as he recovers which thankfully has been good news. At one point, Jeongguk walks over to comfort Sun Hee who is still trying to get past the emotional distress of it all, so he wraps a friendly arm around her shoulder before Yoongi’s mom proudly asks everyone to take a picture. Yoongi’s mom wants her son to remember the endless support he has no matter what and Jeongguk grins as the camera flashes before him and Seokjin head back to the dorms to rest.

What Jeongguk doesn’t anticipate is the fact none of his messages deliver when he goes to text you. Heart pounding anxiously, he attempts to call but nothing goes through. But… Why? Of course, he goes to check social media to see you are nowhere to be found, and the confusion muddling his mind is no help. Did you block him?

Seokjin consoles Jeongguk while he scrambles around the room wondering what to do in order to think thoroughly about it all. Did you find someone else? Why did you cut him off? How is he going to tell you about the good news with Konkuk? Seokjin offers for Jeongguk to use his phone, but Jeongguk is scared you would mistake Jin’s number for a scam caller since you obviously do not have Seokjin’s phone number. The pain hovers in his chest while he fights the tears. Was it because he didn’t get a chance to talk to you much?

Jeongguk, months later, pays a visit to your home with hope to see you again, feel your embrace one more time, but is greeted by your dad who lets him know that you are working at a different location and isn’t sure when you will be back. Your father never told you because he knew exactly what you would do, so it’s a secret he keeps safe since he is the one who saw your heart shattered over the boy he is staring back at.

Jeongguk apologizes then visits his parents for a few more days before returning to Konkuk. At this point, the necklace dangles before him once he is in the security of his dorm and tears of guilt drip onto the bed covers. If only he knew how to find you again, he would do anything. For now, he will try and accept that maybe he wasn’t enough for you after all.

-

{23}

You kept him for years in your every thought, every word you wrote and every pound of your heart. Dancing eyes that glued to your soul the moment he kissed you, and touches as gentle as flower petals loomed all over your skin. His smile haunted you even in times that you begged for it not to and why you are saying this in all past tense is just you trying to hide the truth. He still does. He still resonates with you even as if he never tore your heart to shreds.

You haven’t seen him in almost seven years, yet his memory burns alive as if you physically relive the memories every day. As if his touch is as fresh as it had been the first time, he ever held you in his arms. Why must life be so cruel? To toy with you as if he is ultimately meant to be your forever just to take him away from you repeatedly.

You didn’t give him a chance the last time. You made the choice for him because he found someone else. Why couldn’t he just be yours? Why was he there when you least expected it? Now, every feeling you’ve tried to hide is igniting into the present.

You stand there frozen for a timeless eternity locking eyes with the one man you never thought you would see again. He is just as stunned. You can see it in his eyes and from the way his Adam’s apple bobs at the gulp he swallows. You can tell by the scripts on the table right in front of Jeongguk that he must be casted in this movie, and all you can think through your catapulting thoughts is that you would have found Jeongguk much earlier if you hadn’t run late to the table reading. After all this time, and from the memories of high school, it is clear Jeongguk has finally chosen to follow his dreams, and that, despite the turmoil hounding your chest, you feel a pang of warmth at the realization.

In your peripherals, you remember a very important detail suddenly. What about Taehyung? Instead of turning, your auditory senses pick up your boyfriend still having a conversation with who you assume is a coworker. He has no idea about the stare down going on behind him.

Now, you know why Monnie ran. She didn’t expect to see Jimin here either. Is this the place where love reconnects? Or was your original thought, correct? Is fate just messing with you? Why now? Why couldn’t you be single right now, so this guilt rising in your chest didn’t exist? Why should you feel guilty though? Nothing has happened other than the immense wave of emotions plaguing your entire system. Would that have something to do with it? Holy fuck.

You do not know how you survive the day avoiding Jeongguk the way you do, and Taehyung is starting to get worried about how frantic you appear as if you want to run. Safely getting to the hotel that evening, you don’t even remember how to do your typical evening routine. With how nauseous you feel, you nibble on your dinner trying to assure Taehyung that you are fine.

The second day at the set, Jeongguk could not take his eyes off you and Taehyung, though you do not know, happens to notice how often you and the red headed actor keep sneaking glimpses at each other. This day confirms your assumption that Jeongguk is indeed a part of this movie. You learn from the second table reading, where you get to briefly wave at Monnie when she arrives, that Jeongguk is casted as one out of the seven guys who are hopelessly in love with Monnie’s character.

At one point, Jimin happens to recognize you and sends you a wave as well. You can tell Monnie is also being observant by the way she scans the noticeably awkward way you refuse to interact with Jeongguk. Monnie is aware how close you and Jeongguk were in high school so how come neither of you are acting as if you once were friends?

“Are you okay?” Taehyung, all in his camera gear, leans in and whispers. You hum a ‘yes’ in response, but you can tell he doesn’t believe you.

The third day, you feel how tired you are from the lack of sleep due to not wanting to dream about Jeongguk while your boyfriend is sleeping right next to you, so you tossed and turned until you couldn’t take it anymore. All the stress of seeing Jeongguk is starting to take a toll and when arriving with Taehyung, at one point, you see Jeongguk standing off to the side while a few of the cast members are preparing to film a scene. You aren’t sure where Taehyung went off to, but you gaze at Jeongguk with the longing you wish would stop burdening you. You also wish you could tell Jeongguk how proud you are that he is finally choosing to follow his dreams because as you watch him observing the scene being played out, he looks so lovely that the sadness washing over you becomes intense.

Tattoos adorn his skin now which you find absolutely ravishing. The way he styles his hair is even different from how you remember, and that itching desire starts to build relentlessly. It is then that Jeongguk sees you. An overwhelming feeling that neither of you can explain becomes existent and he holds your eyes as if that’s the only constant keeping him at bay. You try to read his stare while he looks into your soul, yet your feet remain planted for the moment. There is no way that you are the only one who feels this connection. There is absolutely no way. So, why did he choose someone else all these years ago?

Something breaks the gaze because instead of putting on your best, inner actress, you flee to the nearest restroom. The nausea is intense- much more intense than you realize because you are throwing your hair back immediately in preparation for the retching. Nothing really comes up but some bile since you haven’t eaten yet, and now you are breathing steady to calm your nerves.

Sometimes an overwhelming amount of shock and anxiety can do this to you, so you aren’t surprised. You just are grateful that nobody else is occupying the restroom so that you can think. What in the bloody hell do you do? Do you approach him? Do you continue to ignore him? Do you tell Taehyung? The thoughts turn into pacing while you clench your stomach because what the hell are you supposed to do? Jeon Jeongguk is in the same vicinity as you and there is no one else you’d rather… confront for lack of a better term. But is it worth confronting him for all the pain he caused you what feels at this point like a lifetime ago?

Will he even remember? Will he understand why you blocked him from your life? He will just have to because he chose somebody else over you. Whereas you spent majority of your life putting him first. Is this why you feel betrayed deep down? You know ultimately you should have put yourself first which is what you learned before turning twenty-two and prior to meeting your boyfriend. Otherwise, Jeongguk was all that mattered to you.

And he still fucking does.

Gritting your teeth, you rummage through your purse for a small bottle of mouth wash that you keep for emergencies and swish it around your teeth and tongue. You rid of the foul taste and rinse with some water before taking a few deep breaths. You can do this, y/n. Just fake a smile and act as if you are going to be in this movie yourself.

Placing your hand on the bathroom door, you shove it slowly as if you are hiding from someone. Which technically you are but you get the picture. You investigate the hallways that echo a small number of footsteps, so you, in relief, step out into the unknown thinking all is safe. Standing, you can’t remember which direction you came from, so awkwardly you just continue to… Stand there. You decide to reach into your purse for your phone to text Taehyung, but fast steps dissipate your movement.

“Follow me.” A familiar voice halts your heart. He grasps your wrist before you can scream, but it’s not a firm grip, it’s a gentle hold and you jolt your stare to see a hazy view of red hair who leads you into a storage room set off to the side. You should stop him. You should shout. You should fight to call Taehyung. But you don’t. And repentantly- you don’t want to.  

Jeongguk kicks the door closed behind him until your back shoves against a wall. Red strands hover over his determined eyes as he breathes heavy, now holding both of your wrists that he pins to the wall. You can’t even respond because your words die in your throat. This is the hottest fucking thing you have encountered, and you will keep that with you till the grave.  

There are no words shared, just ajar mouths of panting, but he is so close that you feel his breath brushing your chin. Your body is begging for more of his touch at this point, but you do not move a muscle. It is then that you remember that you are supposed to be mad at him. Yet simultaneously you want to kiss him so bad. He can’t know this though. You have a boyfriend. You must think about Taehyung.

“Let go of me.” You say through gritted teeth even though it destroys your heart piece by piece to even say it. Jeongguk hesitates, but calmly releases his fingers that curled around your wrists and steps back carefully. Your heart is betraying you because you would do anything just to make love with him right here and now, but it isn’t the right thing to do especially with how he broke your heart. And, for the sake of Taehyung’ heart.

Jeongguk turns just to rake thin hands through his hair before he runs a palm along his face. “I don’t know what came over me.”

You do. Because you feel the powerful truth resonating in this very room. You’re hurting over him and he is hurting over you. Neither of you truly know the reasons why.

What is mind blowing to you is how seven years flies by and it is like he was never a stranger. The emotions you’ve suppressed are waiting to burst at the seams as if they would even when he was still in your life. You do not know how this is possible. You know it’s crazy. You know nothing right now makes any sense and you want to scream at the top of your lungs. And, you know even if you were to have gone back to Taehyung, Jeongguk would have done exactly what he is doing now and that is confronting the reality that you both are here. In a place far away from your hometown, you both by some twisted form of fate end up in the same place at the same time. Of course, you are pondering the odds of this, of course you fucking are. All you know is you can’t let Jeongguk hurt you again. Plus, now you have Taehyung.  

“I have to go.” You finally say in the deafening silence prompting Jeongguk to turn swiftly to face you where his widened eyes hold the same desperation that you feel. Yet, he is so beautiful. Fuck. Even to this day. He is exactly how you remember but grown out of the boyish charm from high school and into a man. Your heart is pounding through your temples while you take in his features. He’s just so beautiful.

“Please…” He murmurs, stepping forward as if being even closer to you can make all of this add up. “Before you go, just tell me why.”

His statement catches you off guard. Why? What does he mean why?  He can see the disbelief written all over your expression which causes him to question inwardly. How does he have the nerve to question your reasons for cutting him off? He knows good and damn well why. He has to.

You feel unsteady briefly, but you are thankful to hear your phone buzzing within your purse which you figure must be Taehyung. Jeongguk understandably gives up accepting that you must have moved on just as you assumed he has.

Reaching for the doorknob with horribly shaky fingers, you pause for a moment collecting enough strength to end this strange yet alluring moment on good terms. “I’m proud of you.” You whisper, Jeongguk’s gaze burning innocently at the back of your head while his heart feels as though it is going to explode watching you leave. “You followed your dreams. There was never a reason for you to be ashamed… Goodbye.”

And with that, you exit the storage room, returning Taehyung’s call to ask him if he can take you to the hotel while you muster with all your strength not to erupt in a pool of endless tears.

-

A towel is wrapped around Taehyung’s waist as he ruffles his dampened hair. He has talked endlessly about his day (as he should) and the excitement he holds for the upcoming film. You, hair wrapped in a towel, rub on a face mask to cleanse your skin as you wearily stare at your reflection in the mirror. You try so hard to listen to every word your boyfriend says, but you can’t shake any thought of Jeon Jeongguk from your mind.

Vivid flashes of the way Jeongguk pinned you to that wall stirs an unwanted wave of desire through your frame and a reoccurring pain that seems to never find closure. If only he slid his teeth along your bottom lip while slipping his hands into your pants while you whimper his name… If only the emotions from the years of longing for his return continued in breathless kisses and gasping in response to the way his lips would trail your neck… Maybe you could ignore the myriad of questions that have plagued you profusely for all these damned years of wishing, and pleading, and fighting to understand why you can’t just let. Him. Go. It’s like, in a way, a spell has been cast on you whether it’s Jeongguk himself or something that is preventing, almost trying to keep the two of you from being together in the end. But, why?

Maybe the truth is right in front of you. Maybe you don’t want to let Jeongguk go.

Maybe you really just can’t.

Taehyung eventually moves to wrap his strong arms around you from behind while he places feather-like kisses along your neck. “So, I hope you’re enjoying your time here.”

“I am.” You reply softly. His fingers then slide gently into your sweatpants where he finds your clit, rubbing nice and slow while he continues to place tepid kisses. You wish you were becoming aroused, but you can hardly concentrate on the way his lips press to your skin and his fingers slipping into you pumping gently while you squeeze your eyes shut. There are no goosebumps, no moaning, no excitement- just pure sadness.

Because you know deep down what the truth is, but you do not want to admit it. You know what’s missing in the relationship. Taehyung is not Jeongguk and he never will be. It’s the saddest simplicity of an answer. He is not Jeon Jeongguk.

“Hey…” Taehyung’s voice is soft, cautiously releasing his fingers from inside you, he then spins you around. Despite, the face mask covering your cheeks and forehead, Taehyung looks at you lovingly while he reads your eyes. “What’s wrong?”

Hesitant, you reply anyway. “Nothing.”

Taehyung flashes a pointed look because he does not believe you whatsoever. “Are you jet lagged still? …Did I do something?”

“No! …No, I’m sorry. I promise I’m not trying to be gloomy. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

“Are you sure? Because you have seemed off since you’ve been here. Is it because you haven’t gotten to see Monnie much?”

“I mean yes, I do wish I could see her more, but we have plenty of time. Work allowed me a week off, so I’m not too worried about that.”

“Then what is it?”

Guilt pools in your eyes as you visibly see his concern, but what are you supposed to tell him? Okay, maybe the question doesn’t involve what, but how? “I… don’t know.”

You let him kiss you then even though the cream of the face mask gets all over his skin, too but it somehow makes you giggle. You wish you knew how to tell him, but it is way too soon. What happened earlier with Jeongguk was probably going to be a onetime thing. You keep replaying the whole scene with Jeongguk wishing there could have been a different outcome, but you can’t change the past. And you don’t want to hurt Taehyung who has been nothing but good to you.

Once you finish freshening up, you try having sex with Taehyung to rid of the pain inside your chest, but the remorse is so smothering you hardly can enjoy it. It’s not his fault at all so you give it what you got. Except this time, when you close your eyes, all you can see is Jeongguk’s face and it takes everything in you not to burst into tears.

-

It's not until the day before your flight that you finally meet with Monnie. Her management rented out a space in one of the fanciest restaurants to ensure privacy from the spotlight so the pair of you could catch up. She embraced you tightly while the scent of peonies greeted your nose. It’s amazing how much the two of you had to catch up on and the endless conversation is exactly what you needed. Sometimes a friendly face helps lighten the load for a little while.

As a surprise, you facetimed LenLen so Monnie could say hello which erupts into bouts of happy squeals from LenLen. Being with Monnie made you forget how famous she actually is, and you are so thankful that she always maintained her humility amongst the fame.

Neither of you mention Jimin or Jeongguk even though you wonder if the question crossed her mind at any point. You also wonder if she kept contact with Jeongguk or if Jimin did since all four of you happened to be in the same place in a different location way far away from the high school all of you attended together. It’s surreal, but maybe not bringing the subject up was a good thing.

Anxiously, you stop by Taehyung’s work to bring him lunch and to go over the time your flight departs tomorrow. Taehyung, who proclaims he has a surprise for you, says he ordered a limousine to pick you up for your ride to the airport. Speechless, you have never ridden in a limo before, and you cannot believe how thoughtful Taehyung has been all week which fuels the devastation when you notice Jeongguk standing adjacent from you. He’s gripping another coffee cup while he speaks with one of the producers.

Did he just hear every word you said? Did he hear that you are leaving to go back home tomorrow?

“I already told Stan where to pick you up.” Taehyung attempts to say but he notices your obvious distraction which has pretty much lasted the entire week you have been here.

“Wh-who? Whose Stan?”

“I just told you, silly, the limo… driver.” Taehyung follows your wavering gaze to see the dark haired actor glimpsing at you for the hundredth time. Is this why you have been acting so strange? Do you know this guy? Taehyung starts to question if you really were with Monnie when you said you were. Or the other times before when you claimed you needed a breather.

An uneasy feeling starts to bud in Taehyung’s chest. “Um…” He leans forward to get close to your ear. “Can we talk?” Taehyung lowkey has noticed the tension ever since the first day he brought you here whenever that actor was around, but thought he was going crazy. Taehyung is typically not the jealous type, but something seems off. Everywhere you were, it seemed this actor followed.

Disrupting your entrancement, you swallow the lump in your throat as your heartbeat spikes. Taehyung just walks swiftly around a corner and unbeknownst to you, Jeongguk has excused himself from the producer to hide away enough to make sure you’re okay. He feels awful to intrude, but he can’t help the strong emotions building within his heart and the indisputable closure he wishes you would give him. Because he never was able to get over you either.

Taehyung is restless as he tries to gather whatever words he can. “Look, if I sound crazy, I don’t care. Something isn’t right. And if I had to guess, it has to do with that actor you keep looking at. So, what is it? Do you know him?”

Your hands glue to your hips while you uneasily try to keep yourself standing from the uncomfortable blow to the chest. Shit. You want to scream. Taehyung caught you and now you don’t even know where to start. “I’m sorry.” You whisper which you are surprised sounds audible, but that’s all you can muster.

“Okay, so something did happen then?”

“No! Taehyung… No, it’s not what you think.” You try to breathe but feel like you can’t from how much your chest tightens.

“Okay well what am I supposed to think? Were you really with Monnie earlier?”

“Yes! Of course, I was!”

“So why are you so distant? If I did something wrong, then I need to know so I can fix it. I also can’t read your mind. Communication is what I need here, y/n.”

“I know this, Tae… I-”

“Okay, then explain. I’m doing all I can to prove to you that I love you. I just need some kind of answer. I’m starting to get really worried, and you know I’m not like this.”

Tears brim because you know deep down, he has done everything for you. You are in the wrong for this and you know it. You do love Taehyung. You really do, but the love for him will never be as strong as the love you had for Jeongguk. The love you know you will always have for Jeongguk. The silence hurts. The emptiness and sorrow you feel for Taehyung… Hurts so deeply.

“Tae…” The tears stream to drip from your cheeks. “I want you to know that I do love you and I am forever grateful for all that you have done for me… I just, um…” You press your lips together to prevent your chin from quivering. You can’t even look your boyfriend in the eyes. You don’t even know how to answer him. How can you? If you were to tell him everything from the beginning to now, not only would it crush him, but would he truly understand where you are coming from?

“You’re not going to tell me are you.” It’s not a question. He says it sternly.

“I… I can’t.” You stifle a sob. “Tae, I’m so sorry. I just can’t right now.”

Angrily, and rightfully so, he glowers at you while his jaw clenches because after a year together, he does not understand how fast everything can change in the span of a week. And after a year, how can you not trust to tell him what is going on? He deserves to know, and you wish you could find the will to just tell him the whole story without holding back.

He is rigidly holding back tears because he is just as hurt, but he can’t bear the thought of you stepping out on him which is what he is starting to believe. Is he wrong to think that? He knows anger causes irrational thinking but right now, he wants space to clear his head. Even if it means being away from you.

“The hotel is yours tonight.”

“Tae-” You rush to step forward, but he holds a palm up to pause everything.

“The hotel is yours tonight. Stan will pick you up for your flight tomorrow… We’re done.” He shoves past you as you spin in panic to watch him leave, but you do not chase him. This is not how you wanted it to go. Not on bad terms, but you feel so devastated yet so relieved that Taehyung made this decision, yet you feel so helpless simultaneously.

The tears continue as you scramble to order someone to pick you up and if you regret one thing, it’s not telling Taehyung about your first love the first day you met him like you should have.

-

The guilt is eating you alive.

Your eyes are dry and puffy from the crying the night before, so to force some way to lift your spirits, you put on a faint amount of makeup and throw on a floral summer dress. What better way to cope with the heart ache by pretending there is no heart ache? You suck at that. It’s visible all over your frame that is weak and exhausted; your mind has done nothing but run vigorously on high speed since landing a week ago and you are not sure how you are functioning properly.

Once you have everything packed and prepared, you triple check the hotel room to ensure you haven’t left anything. The room felt desolate last night without Taehyung being beside you, but in a way, you appreciated being alone. Maybe it’s for the best that you never try to love anybody else because as long as Jung Jeongguk exists in your heart, there is no such thing as anybody else. How can someone have your heart this long and they were never really yours?

Rolling your suitcase behind you, the walk to the outside is brighter than you anticipate. The sun gleams high in the sky while people bustle from left to right to exit or enter the hotel building. It doesn’t take long for you to spot the limo slowly pulling up to the curb. An older man with gentle eyes greets you, introducing himself as Stan.

“Now I finally have a face to a name.” You smile sweetly as he takes your luggage to settle into the trunk. “Thank you.” You murmur. The moment you open the limo door, you duck to begin taking a seat, but something stops you in your tracks.

It’s the scene of glimmering shoes that tilts your head in confusion as you scan from the shoes all the way up the slim legs, to the loose-fitting shirt on a familiar frame to then locking eyes with the one person you never expected to see yet again.

“Jeongguk?” You croak with widened eyes. Did you say his name out loud? You have no idea. All you know is your heart is ear piercingly screaming and your fingertips have gone numb. His red hair is gelled back so you can easily see the enchanting curve of his jawline and the quirk of his lips smirking gently. You are in trouble. And you don’t care anymore. But your conscious tries to tell you the opposite.

“I um… Uh, I have to go-” You panic preparing to back away.

“Absolutely not.” Jeongguk grasps to pull you in, reaching around you to slam the limo door closed once your body plops onto the seat. When Stan hears the signal, he starts to drive away from the curb and your mind is dizzy with anxiety.

“Jeongguk.” You try to say sternly, but his name comes out in a whimper. You are trying with all your strength not to pass out.

“Y/N.” He speaks. His eyebrow cocking. You have remained leaned forward from how he pulled you in and his face is so close, you are doing everything you can to keep your heat from clenching simultaneously with the reaction of your body wanting to tremble.

“What the hell are you doing!? How the hell did you even know I would be here!?”

He shrugs. “A friend.”

“What friend-”

“Monnie. She’s known Stan for a while. So has Jin.”

“Well, Stan is about to be fired!” You try emphasizing the word loudly to kid with Stan even though you are lowkey dead serious. You should be grieving Taehyung, not letting the desire to tangle with Jeongguk be floating subconsciously in the back of a damn limousine. “If Taehyung finds out that you jacked the limo driver, he’ll be pissed. So, again, what the hell are you doing!?”

“I’ll answer your question once you answer mine.”

“Jeongguk, I’m not playing fucking games with you-”

“Neither am I.”

Eyeing him in exasperation, you shake your head to hopefully rid of the evident confusion. “You know what- we can’t do this. We can’t be alone.”

“And why not?”

“Because-” Because you just went through a breakup, damnit! Not that you are aware that he knows. But you are trying so hard not to cave into the longing to be with Jeongguk the way his eyes intensely look into yours.

After all this time, holding it in all these long, long years:

you explode.

“Because you are just so fucking ruthless, you know that!? I have had you in my fucking head since I was a child and there is no escape from you! No escape! Do you know how much it killed me to see you leave seven years ago? Do you know how fucking insane seeing you again is all these stupid ass years later? I have been losing my shit nonstop and for what!? Because you just think it’s so damn cute to occupy every fucking brain cell I have and tear me to shreds! Like, do you even fucking know the hell I’ve been through!? Seeing you with-”

Jeongguk kisses you suddenly stopping your words. This kiss is so desperate and rough yet, it’s so much softer than you would think since you were losing your absolute shit a minute ago, but his lips are as warm as you remember, and your body loosens as his hands cup your cheeks. Gasping into his kiss, the world spins so magically that you forget that you are heading to catch a flight home. You don’t want to stop. The way his mouth moves so good with yours. How are you going to pull away?

So, you don’t.

His fingertips slip to the back of your neck to deepen the kiss while the love you buried revives into the atmosphere.

Because you are so in love with him, and you never once stopped.

Jeongguk’s other hand pats along the door refusing to break the kiss and your ears catch the sound of the partition lifting to separate the pair of you from the driver. Something about that whole gesture sends a gush from your heat, wetting your thong that you inwardly hope Jeongguk will see. It’s like you are in a dream. If ‘high school you’ knew that seven years from then that you would be making out with Jeon Jeongguk in a limousine, you would have never believed it. Instead of bottling everything up anymore, you are just going to let go. In this moment, you are with the one person you have always wanted: Jeon Jeongguk. So why fucking fight it? You are done fighting it.

You have made up your mind. You want to give him your all and you want to give it now. Conversation can be saved for later.

“Guk,” you gasp between his kisses. “Please… whatever you do. Don’t… Stop.”

It doesn’t take much until his hands move to grip your waist, positioning you in a straddle. Immediately, moaning loudly against his lips that have eagerly grown hungrier as you cling to him desperately. Humming into his kiss, the relief flooding your limbs eases the tension you have fought this entire week, and your hands slide to grasp the gelled strands of his hair in deprivation. His tongue dances with yours while he fumbles with where to place his hands next.

You moan when you feel his erection beneath your heat though clothes remain on; with the dress, you're wearing, the fabric is spread enough, you're able to feel the material of his slacks along your inner thighs. You unintentionally grind your hips, him doing the same, lips nearly bruised from sultry kisses he refuses to stop.

His palm slaps your ass to then squeezing so hard, you nearly melt into his frame, your teeth sliding along his bottom lip before sneaking the tip of your tongue along it to then snatching his lips once more.

Your fingers trace his jawline, a part of him that nearly makes you faint. Breaking the kiss, his breathing is heavy while your lips linger to trail his jaw, lightly sucking with each contact until you reach his ear. A soft laugh resonates into his eardrum, him groaning with immense desire in response. You can't help yourself especially with the fire dribbling from your heat. Your inner kinks start to arise.

"I don't know if you've ever been given a blowjob in a limo baby, but I’m not going to let you forget it.” You say it so erotically, Jeongguk is losing his mind. You're wild when it comes to sex, yet you’ve only ever had one sexual partner. With the way Jeongguk’s hazy, brown eyes watch your every move, you don't mind giving him the ride of his life. You are going to show him exactly what he has missed.

Squeezing his shoulders once, you move backward off his lap carefully despite the moving vehicle. You kneel on the floor, your antsy fingers unbuckle his belt, the jingle of the metal sending jolts of excitement throughout his limbs. The anticipation is nearly smothering, especially when you unbutton his pants to show his underwear, spreading the fabric to free his erection. The sight causes you to bite your lower lip instinctively.

"Oh baby." You nearly drool. His hands curl around your wrists before you lean in to cover his area with your mouth encasing every bit of his girth. He leans back in immense pleasure while you perform a long, intense suck before dipping your head up and down seductively. Hearing him moan fuels you to continue. Running your tongue over his tip, you let the taste of his precum lead you to yearn for more, pleasuring him so much he could release right then and there. You unlatch your wrist from one of his tightening hands, bringing it to his scrotum that is peeking through the opening of his underwear, massaging softly whilst sucking, his feet pressing harder at the floorboard from the paradise he's been wanting with you and only you.

When you see how much of an effect it has on Jeongguk, you continue your bliss, sucking and sucking until his hands grasp the sides of your ribcage causing you to gasp in surprise. Without a second to blink, your back is crashed against the seat cushion with Jeongguk hovering above you, strands of his hair glistening over his eyes, his chest heaving as his hands rest on either side of you. Your eyes are wide from the sudden action, but when he lowers to place his lips near your ear, a tingling sensation waves across your figure.

"I don't know if you've ever been fucked in a limo.” He growls. “But I'm gonna make sure you, my dear, will never forget it."

Oh. Fuck. His fingertips feel for your underwear that he slides down to your ankles. He doesn’t even take a second to admire what type of underwear it is before he comes back to kiss you.

You are so aroused that your vaginal walls are sopping wet before Jeongguk slams his erection into you. He drums so hard that you can't help the screams of pleasure that are gratefully unheard from the vibration of the speakers reverberating within the small space. This is when you realize music must have started playing to drown out the sounds Stan most likely does not want to hear.

Your hands clasp roughly to Jeongguk’s sides which regains your focus. He pounds so rhythmically with the bass of whatever song is playing, your g-spot is being stroked with each thrust. The growing climax sends your eyes rolling back. Jeongguk slows for a moment though and aligns his body with yours still keeping himself inside you. You watch him while your chest heaves.

He lifts a finger to trace along your cheek until he caresses your bottom lip with his thumb. You are uncertain why he has stopped, but you are thankful neither of you have cummed too soon because you are not ready for this to end. Even though it has to… Oh, shut the fuck up brain.

“You’re not going to the airport today.” His eyes shift from a lust to a softness that reminds you of when he first became your friend. You want to sit up in surprise, but you don’t because you like Jeongguk’s body being on top of you and his erection keeping its rightful place inside you.

“What do you mean? I’m supposed to leave today.”

“I… Have made other arrangements.”

“Did you cancel the flight!? How!?”

“Well, no… But I can reimburse you for the inconvenience of missing your flight.”

“Are you…” In honesty, you are not upset at all. Your heart is flying so high with relief, you could cry. A smirk graces your tingling lips. “Are you kidnapping me, Jeon Jeongguk?”

“Only if you let me,” he winks, pressing a slow kiss to your bruised lips. “Otherwise, the airport I will take you but only if you say so.”

“What about my job? I have to go back at some point.”

Sadness etches in the corner of his eyes while he exhales slowly. “How about we worry about that tomorrow? … I don’t want to lose you. Not again.”

You don’t either.

Your hand reaches to tangle in his hair while you pull him to kiss you. He starts thrusting again, but this time nice and slow while your tongue swirls with his. The two of you are so lost in intimacy that neither of you notices the pause of the limo and the dimming of the music. It's Jeongguk who jolts away immediately, stuffing his being back into his pants, scrabbling to buckle his belt before it dawns on you that the limo is no longer moving. Swiftly, you fix your dress, running your hands through your hair in panic, also hoping your makeup isn't smeared all over.

Your throbbing heat is relentless, and you squeeze your thighs to try and relieve some of the sensitivity, but it's no use. Once Stan opens the door, you and Jeongguk smile at him trying to hide the fact the two of you were literally having intercourse directly behind his back.

Stan squints his eyes in suspicion when he notices how embarrassed the two of you chuckle when leaving the limo, but he brushes it off, him tipping his hat for a farewell. You grasp Jeongguk’s hand while your other hand clings to your luggage. You do not know where you are, but you are assuming it’s where Jeongguk lives.

“My roomates are still shooting scenes for the movie we’re in, so we have this whole place to ourselves for the time being.” Jeongguk beams. Your feet move faster than they ever have as he follows suit to the front door. He chuckles at how cute your eagerness is because he is just as giddy, too. Being with you just comes so naturally even after all this time. The moment you reach the door, you spin around, dragging his mouth to yours.

Your back hits against the front door nearly bringing you to your knees while he follows your lead. You throw your arms around his neck as his hands press into your waist; the two of you rebuild the itching desire that had been interrupted. The pure addiction of Jeongguk’s lips on yours is everything you could have dreamed of, so you hate that you have to break the kiss just for him to unlock the door. Snatching his hand once more, you kick off your heels, him slipping out of his shoes while your luggage tips over somewhere near the door.

You follow him up the stairs until both of you are safe in his bedroom. He locks the door behind him once he turns on the lights, and that's when he tackles you lovingly once again, kissing your mouth roughly. Your hands pull off his shirt and in return, he unzips the back of your dress.

When your lacy undergarments taunt his enlarging eyes, you step away from your dress, giving him a seductive smile. Now he notices your thong. Sliding your fingers slowly to your entrance, you coat your digits with the wetness he's caused you, stepping forward to carefully smear it on his lips. His eyes close while his staggered breaths relish in your scent, urging to taste you, he clamps his warm mouth around your fingers, his teeth grazing your skin while he sucks.

"I want you, Jeongguk." You whisper. "I want you to never stop wanting me."

That's all it takes before he squats to wrap his arms underneath your ass, lifting you effortlessly in the air prompting a fit of giggles. He sprints to his bed and crashes you onto it. Once the bounce of your bodies settles, his hands desperately tear your thong from your frame as well as your lace bra, his mouth leaving tenderly placed kisses along your ribcage before your trembling hands move to rid of his pants. Unbuckling his belt, Jeongguk helps you free himself from his pants and underwear- every article of clothing between the both of you finally plopped on the ground.

Unexpectantly, he rolls you above him, pressing your bare chest against him, his teeth nipping your ear lobe before his breath haunts your ear in the sexiest, deep voice you've ever heard. "If I'm going to taste you properly, I want it all over my face."

Oh. Shit.

Jeongguk clings onto your hips once you get into position. You move with him until your folds are above his starving mouth. Now with his heated palms smoothed along your ass, you lower yourself just enough until you hear the sudden sound of his lips caressing along your heat bringing a moan to escape your throat. "Ohhh, baby." You breathe. His tongue circles your heat slowly before he roughly flicks it against you, delighting in your taste while your head thrusts back in ecstasy.

You've never had sex so good- especially with the way his tongue licks so effortlessly underneath your clenching vaginal walls. Your thighs quiver from how strong your climax is building. His lips cover your clit, sucking before returning his tongue to lick rapidly among your slit.

"Ohhh, Jeongguuk." You can hardly concentrate, him continuing his mission until you slide back, forcing him to raise, his bangs now clinging to his perspired forehead. His lips part just to land to kiss your chin where the scent from your folds is fresh on his lips.

He’s starving for you, and you learn right then that he wasn’t done. His hand finds your chest where he pushes you down until your back bounces on the mattress. His fingers find your nipples first where the ticklish feel from the rising buds causes the fire below to heighten. Whimpering in response to the pleasure, his mouth latches onto your nipple while his tongue dances along it.

You beg for him as he pleasures you. The intensity of how turned on you are is so heavenly, you could do this forever. He then kisses along your body until he stops at where he originally feasted and you can see the lust in his eyes before he dives in, lapping up every bit of you while he slides gentle fingertips to then vibrate along your clit. “Oh Guk! Oh baby- ah!” You moan feeling how strong your sense pleads to orgasm while your eyes roll back in ecstasy. His tongue is relentless while he licks along your heat.

When you think he’s done, he repositions to where you are sitting on his face again while his large hands cup your ass.

"Now." He says, his lips tickling your skin when you both find yourselves hazy and twisted together. "Where were we before we were interrupted?"

"I think I remember." You whisper musingly, him rolling you to crash under him- his penis finds your entrance before you can catch a breath, and that's when he starts. Pumping into your walls that are warm and drenched, your screams of delight ring throughout his room, letting Jeongguk enthrall every single one of your senses until your legs nearly give out. You moan his name. You moan profanities. You moan it fucking all. "Harder!" Your voice breaks. "Harder! Oh!"

Your climax hits you suddenly and strongly prompting you to squirt slightly which turns Jeongguk on even more than he already is. Your legs jolt beneath him while he spills inside you. You’re still screaming in pleasure from the high when he falls next to you, him leaking down your mid-thighs while you squeeze them for friction. Both of you hyperventilating, the sensitivity still presents between your legs while you two try to recover.

"Holy shit." You breathe. "Where the hell have you been again? Holy fuck."

A deep chuckle sounds from Jeongguk’s pearly smile, his eyes gleaming from the happiness he feels with you finally by his side. When his long fingers intertwine with yours, you furrow your eyebrows, shifting to rest on your side so that way you can see all of him easier.

Preparing to speak, his free hand reaches to tuck a strand of your fallen hair behind your ear rendering you speechless. Though you've kept your feelings private for so long, he's always made your heart palpitate; but, with everything that has happened, where do either of you start?

You lean your cheek into his palm where he rests it, him moving to sit up just enough to brush his lips to yours before pressing kisses on every inch of your face, his sudden passion surprising you, especially when he turns you to lay you back down just so he can lounge in your beauty from above.

“I like you naked.” He teases causing you to playfully scoff when you shove him. His chuckling smile kisses your smile while you enjoy the feel of his warm skin and the high of his presence. “I’ve missed you…” He whispers when the moment becomes serious which hitches your breathing.

Missing Jeongguk is an understatement. You’ve wished to see him again but never thought it would actually happen. You know you shouldn’t ask this, but it has tormented you since he left that you can’t help it. Hearing those words from him should have made your heart swell, but then the picture that changed everything years ago seems to be in the forefront of your mind now. “Then… why did you choose her?”

Jeongguk’s eyebrows scrunch as his lips pucker. The confusion is so apparent that you start to feel the budding sense of humiliation. He met a girl at Konkuk, right? The picture showed it all… Right?

“I mean I dated here and there later on in college, but I had to get over losing you.”

You shift to sit up as Jeongguk’s body rolls off you. What does he mean?

“But you wouldn’t have lost me if you hadn’t chosen to be with her. I mean, c’mon, Guk you hardly talked to me once you left. I spent countless nights wondering what I had done wrong! I knew you’d be busy, but I never thought, nor did I want to believe it’s because you found someone else.”

He tries so hard to understand what you are talking about as he reads your panicked gaze. But… you blocked him? Why would you block him unless you moved on too? He is uncertain of the girl you are talking about, but he listens as best as he can while he racks his brain of what happened seven years ago.

“Y/N…” He says calmly. “Can you please tell me what you are talking about?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, Guk! The picture! You had your arm wrapped around another girl! What else was I supposed to think? Do you know how destroyed I was?”

Jeongguk flits his sight to the comforter while the pair of you start to distance from your sweaty frames. The smell of sex is starting to fade, and you bundle the comforter over your chest while Jeongguk’s lower-half slips under the covers. When realization enlarges his eyes, his heart drops to his stomach. Now, he knows what you’re talking about.

“Wait… Yoongi’s girlfriend?”

“Yoongi? I thought-”

Jeongguk’s eyes search yours as if he is trying to get you to telepathically see his memories. “Me and Jin were at the hospital for a few days because Yoongi was in the hospital from- from the accident.” He wets his lips. “Sun Hee was just a friend of mine, and she was stressed from it all, so I was just trying to be there for her. We weren’t dating! I’m pretty sure we’re even related somehow.”

“Wait- wait a minute, what?” The heat hovering over your chest is intensely overwhelming when you realize the huge mistake you have made. “You mean-?”

“When I came home, I tried to get a hold of you so I could tell you everything, but I was blocked! Even years later, I tried checking social media every now and then so I could find you again, but it was like you disappeared!” Jeongguk is pouring his heart out to you meanwhile tears of utter humiliation form and begin to drip in so much regret, you can’t believe the fog in your head is allowing you to compute his every word. “Why didn’t you talk to me first? Why didn’t you let me know you were hurt?” Jeongguk’s voice is pained as he continues. “I could have explained everything! I even showed up at your place a few months after, but you weren’t home.” He doesn’t mention your dad since none of this involves either of your parents especially when he sees your reaction.

“You… came back?”

“Of course, I did! I was in love with you, y/n! I even planned to tell you about Konkuk’s mix up! They sent you the wrong letter. You were accepted. I had it all ready and planned out to surprise you! There was never anybody else, it was always you!”

The world stops. Everything just stops. The words you have longed and hoped and wished and prayed have just been said to you by Jeon Jeongguk. The man you have loved to no end. You can’t move. You don’t budge. This embarrassment is so deep and severe, you just want to run.

That’s why Jeongguk asked you why.

“Y/N? Y/N?” Jeongguk reaches to hold you.

“I was accepted into Konkuk? You- you got it fixed for me? You-”

Your head is spinning, nothing makes sense anymore. All this time, you were robbed of being with Jeongguk because of you. Not him, not fate, not destiny, not your parents, not the girl, not Konkuk University:

you.

Dropping the covers, you race to gather your things. You don’t even know if your flight has left yet. You don’t even know the time, but you must go home before you ruin everything again.

“Y/N? Please. Please hold on-”

You blur out his voice while you fumble to grab your things. Jeongguk tries to stop you, his eyes pleading- begging. You don’t know how you remembered Stan’s phone number that Taehyung happened to text you after the argument, but you manage to shoot Stan a text despite the chaos. All you hope is he is right down the road.

Somehow you find a way down the stairs while tears pour non-stop. How will you ever forgive yourself for the mess you made? Grabbing your suitcase, you struggle to put on your shoes while Jeongguk tries to slip on his. When Stan arrives, you jump into the backseat where you and the man of your dreams made love paining you as you sob. He’s frantically begging you not to leave but you can’t bring yourself to now that you finally know the truth. You don’t even give Stan time to help you. Rather, you fling your suitcase into the back seat and slam the door before Jeongguk reaches you.

“Y/N! Please don’t go! Please! We can figure this out!”

It’s all crashing down so hard as you hear Jeongguk’s voice. You beg Stan to hurry, and as the limo turns to head to the airport, you see the man you love more than anything falling to his knees in mirroring agony.

{24}

It’s him.

It has always been him.

Your hands grip the steering wheel until your knuckles are white as your eyes stay focused on the road ahead. You barely made your flight that day, and with hushed tears, the whole flight was nothing but heavy misery.

When you made it home, you were too tired to pack anything, so you stayed bundled in you and Taehyung’s bed with no will to want to do anything other than cry. It took another week for Taehyung to return home and that’s when he convinced you to give the relationship another try. You thought staying was what you deserved because after what you did to Jeongguk, you don’t deserve him anymore. And you still loved Taehyung even if it wasn’t completely to the fullest as it should have been.

It was when the movie Jeongguk and his friends were in blew up all around the world that you started seeing his face everywhere. Every picture, every magazine, every interview on television. Taehyung, naturally, questioned about everything that happened between you and ‘that actor’ as he refers to Jeongguk, so you summarized as vaguely as you could which still wasn’t enough for Taehyung. Of course, you suppress the guilt as much as you can since that is all you have seemed to feel anymore.

“There is someone from my past that means the absolute world to me and always will.” Jeongguk’s words from the interview that prompted Taehyung to leave echoes silently in the car. “This person encouraged me and believed in me even when I didn’t know it. They said to not be afraid anymore. So, I took that advice and I’m thankful I did. Now, I’ve gained brotherhood and my dreams have come true.” The remote almost slipped from your hand while you stared in shock. You knew Taehyung needed to know the truth because Jeongguk was your truth.

The fight and the breakup are still fresh, but now that it’s dark, you wipe your fingers along your face to rid of the new tears.

Jeongguk is known by the whole world now. Globally. He really did accomplish the dreams that you knew he could and would reach. He is going to make history for the rest of his life, and you will cheer him on no matter what distance. No matter what time. You will always cheer him on. Because he deserves it all.

The bleachers of the soccer field. That is where you wanted to escape to.

Stepping down the metal seats, you find the infamous spot where you would secretly watch Jeongguk all those years ago as well as the times the friendship bloomed, and he would come see you every day before your dad picked you up.

You smile through the tears as you descend into the spot. The tall lights glisten with the stars as you sit back enough to feel the breeze and you can smell the mist of the humidity from the earlier evening rain. You don’t know how much time passes, nor do you care. You just want to be here where Jeongguk used to be so you can relive all the memories and create memories you wish you could have shared with him during the years you took away.

Unexpectedly, you hear the familiar pounce of footsteps making their way down the bleachers perking your ear drums to tune into the sound. You are not sure who it could be at this time of night, and you also aren’t sure if you should be afraid. You stiffen immediately once the steps stop. Silence.

“…Y/N?”

Standing in response ever so excruciatingly slow. You cannot believe the voice you are hearing. No way.

His voice is soft as flower petals when he says your name, and the tears brim as you turn to face him with unshed happiness blossoming along your heart because Jeon Jeongguk in the flesh is standing there with hope mingled with stunned nervousness evident in his expression. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Swiping a tear, you hardly can believe it yourself, but now you understand why you felt the urge to come here. It’s because you were meant to because the stars were aligning for him to be here too. Where it all started. “I didn’t know you’d be here either.”

“I come here when I-”

“Need an escape.”

“And, to think about you.”

Your chin quivers as you keep his eyes connected with yours. It’s been a year since you have seen him, yet it still seems so fresh as if it all happened just yesterday. “I’m so sorry.” You whisper, trying to stifle a sob. “It was all my fault that we missed out on so many years we could have been together. It’s honestly even been years since I have been here. But something… something fueled me to come here, and here I am.”

“Well…” Jeongguk clears his throat while he slips his cold fingers into his pockets. “I have a new rule for you.”

Looking at him, you wait for his response while you wipe at another tear that escapes.

“Please don’t say you’re sorry anymore. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

“But I do.” You sniff to clear your airways. “I should have spoken to you the second I saw that damned picture, but I… I was so hurt and panicked that I let my selfishness take over when you needed me the most…

If I would have just waited for your call. Things would have been different. I should have asked about your friend, too. He was hurt and even though, I didn’t know him personally, I should have asked about him. Asked about you and how you were doing. If Jin was okay. There- there should have been consideration, but I let me get in the way of… Me. And I’m so sorry… Even for a year ago, the humiliation devastated me that I didn’t know how to face you. I think… I think I needed time to forgive myself for taking away time I could have spent being with you.” You stare down at your hands that are quivering from the anxiety.

“We still have time.” Jeongguk murmurs. After a few seconds of silence, he speaks. “Now, come here.”

Flitting your gaze in surprise, it’s as if the tradition never ended, but this time, there will not be a single goodbye after this embrace. Immediately, you sprint to crash into his arms, bundling into his frame while the sobs are relentless. “It’s you, Guk. It’s always been you. I’m so proud of you and all you have accomplished. I will never stop cheering you on or supporting you. You are everything to me.” He squeezes you so tight and fights to prevent his own tears from spilling onto your hair that tucks beneath his chin. He isn’t going to let you go. He holds you while you let it all out, crying all the guilt and the regret into his clothes while he comforts you the way he always will.

Into the evening, the pair of you find yourselves sitting on the bleachers staring at the stars where fingers are interlaced. This time you found the courage to grab his hand, sitting so close that shoulders are touching while the moon glistens above. Early memories begin to bud.

“Remember in elementary school when you took the blame for me smacking Kevin?”

A sly smile fills Jeongguk’s face. “Do I! That was the best day of my life!”

You look at him incredulously. “You went to the principal’s office!”

“I know, but you smacked Kevin before I could, so I wanted to take some credit.”

“Oh God, then why were you his friend later on?”

Jeongguk’s lips press in a firm line. “He didn’t have the best life growing up… Found him in tears one day so I gave him a chance. Then we lost touch.” He shrugs.

“Well, I hope he’s okay.”

“Me too.”

Silence lingers for a moment before you continue, “I guess my point of bringing up that whole situation is because that was the day, I started having feelings for you.” The serenity that collects in his gaze while he locks eyes with you breathes life into your heart just as strongly as his presence has the entirety of the night. “I don’t want to lose you anymore, Guk.” You whisper. “I’m done losing you.”

Jeongguk’s eyes reflect serene emotion and after a few minutes of him moving forward to press a slow, sweet kiss to your forehead, you then notice his free hand moves to retrieve a square box from his jacket pocket. Pulling away slightly, you stare at the box then to Jeongguk, then the box and then back to Jeongguk. Speechless.

“I bring this with me every single time I visit here, but I didn’t realize the exact moment I needed would present itself.” He shifts to face you more while you stare in stunned silence. “This is a gift I’ve been wanting to give you for years… I got it back when I started college. The second I saw it, I saved up all I could so I could surprise you.” He then hands it to you. “Open it.”

Tears are in your eyes as you bring shaky fingers to your lips. You reach for the gift and lift the lid cautiously to see the most beautiful shimmering necklace you have ever seen. The diamonds smile back at you while the symbol of a page from a script beams in the moonlight. “I know it’s not exactly how we met, but it is definitely what brought us together.”

“Jeongguk!” You cry, as he reaches for the necklace. You move slightly as he helps you put it on. You can’t take your eyes off the symbol. How did he even find something so perfect and so beautiful? “Guk, I- I love it so much! I don’t- I don’t even- I haven’t-”

His hands find your cheeks to force you to look into his eyes which ceases your panic.

“You are enough.” He means every word and you feel his heart connecting with yours beyond what you can fathom. “Also,” he smiles excitingly. “The offer still stands at Konkuk University if you still want to attend. There’s plenty slots open.”

“Oh, Guk!” You burst with elation. Immediately, he leans into you, pressing his lips to yours igniting the magic that comes alive because the pair of you have finally found each other and refuse to let it diminish. Not anymore.

“I love you.” You gasp between kisses. “I never stopped loving you.” You cling to him while he deepens the kisses, pulling you even closer.

“I love you, more...”  He whispers. “And I will never stop.”

#btswritingcafe #jeon jeongguk #bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #jeongguk fanfic #jeongguk fic #jeon jungkook #bts angst #bts smut #bts soft #jeongguk smut #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #taehyung #bts taehyung #taehyung smut #taehyung angst #jungkook x reader #jeongguk x reader #jungkook x you #jeongguk x you #taehyung x reader #taehyung x you

[boxboxlewis]

Prompt: duck soulmate au 🦆

There's a rubber duck sitting neatly on the back of Daniel's drivers room sofa.

Daniel is getting used to the Alpha Tauri motorhome. It feels, like everything at AT, like a shitty proof-of-concept mockup of the real thing over at Red Bull: flimsier walls, smaller rooms, worse catering. But like—it's fine. He's not going to be there for too long, hopefully. Everyone's friendly, at least. Everyone's glad to have him back.

This duck, though. "Yuki," Daniel yells. He doesn't take his eyes off the duck.

Yuki sticks his head round the door. "Yes?"

"Did you put this duck here, mate?"

"Why would I put a fucking duck in your room. Daniel." Yuki doesn't sound impressed. He vanishes.

It's probably—journalists have been asking a lot, recently, about Daniel's lack of soulmate. He's thirty-four and not a hint of a goose. If you're going to get one, you usually get it by thirty, and Daniel had given some unwise quotes, earlier in his career. "I'm pretty sure I'm going to get goosed, right? I'm a very soulable guy," spoken straight into the Netflix cameras, is one in particular that journos like to throw back at him.

He'd thought, when he and Max got back together, that maybe—but. No goose, still.

The rubber duck feels like a mocking reference to the whole no-soulmate thing, and if Daniel's honest, he doesn't love it. He gets his phone out and texts Max. Some prick put a rubber duck in my drivers room.

He can see Max typing on and off for a few minutes before a reply comes through. Why do you assume it was a prick. Then, Maybe a very handsome boyfriend put it there.

Right, ok. Daniel looks at the duck again. Now that he knows it's from Max it looks friendlier. Almost cute. Why did you put a duck in my room, baby?

Max is typing, pausing, typing, pausing. At last he sends I'll tell you later.

Daniel finds a spot for the duck on a shelf, and kind of forgets about it.

Max wins, obviously. He wins the sprint and he wins the proper race on Sunday. Daniel is happy for him and also queasily resentful, love and envy curdling together in his throat. He pushes the envy aside pretty well, he thinks.

He's watching Max give a post-race interview, standing to one side behind him like some loyal political wife whose husband is explaining to the press that he's definitely not going to fuck a staffer again. It's fine. Max says that Red Bull have a very good car. He enjoys driving it. He says it like it's impossible for him to imagine not enjoying driving, and Daniel feels a tug of fondness somewhere in his chest. He can't resent Max, not really.

Then Max says, "Ask me about soulmates."

The journalist—it's someone from F1TV, Daniel thinks, but not someone he recognises—blinks at Max. "About... sorry, you want me to...?"

"Ask me," Max repeats, in his direct, throaty voice. Daniel loves him: that's all. "About soulmates."

"Right, yes," the journo says. "Er, Max, can you tell us your views on soulmates?"

"Well first of all I think they are very stupid," Max says immediately. "Who wants some smelly goose to follow them around? And also I think, they are bad because they can make people feel that their love doesn't matter, if they don't have a soul bond. But the love you build with someone because you both want to—I think, that is more romantic. To me."

The journalist smiles brightly at the camera. "Well, there we go! That's race champion Max Verstappen on soulmates! Now let's—"

But Max isn't finished. "For me, I would not even want a goose," Max says. "I would rather have some little rubber duck, that my lover had given to me. That would mean more, I think."

There are cameras all around them, but when Daniel steps forward and looks a question at Max, Max gives him a tiny nod, so: Daniel kisses him.

The rubber duck, assisted by Max's nephews, is the ringbearer at their wedding.

#lmaoooo sorry em you asked and i answered!!! #YES: this WAS inspired by a deranged typo i left in a half-awake note to myself #i wrote this straight into tumblr so any further typos are between me and god #my fic #maxiel #soulmate goose #kind of #mv33 #dr3

[daughter-of-prospero]

Jonah Rant

Someone on Youtube reminded me that I rage-typed an essay-length tirade about Jonah Magnus and his status as a certified Bastard Man right after the finale. They asked if there was a chance they could see it, which was a good question because did I even still have it? Turns out: Yes! It’s evidently been chilling in Onedrive for ~2 years. So for those who wish, my thoughts regarding that awful little man are below.

Spoilers for The Magnus Archives.

I went into the finale fully ready to not hear from Jonah again. I thought ‘oh, cosmic horror, as important as he thinks he is, he’s inconsequential and John just zaps him with eye lasers or something’. I didn’t want it per se, but I thought it was plausible.

But no. Oh no. Jonah Magnus speaks again, and he hasn’t been around for all of season 5. We heard him on a recording and we heard him chanting in the background and also all distorted in a job interview flashback, but there has been no actual uncompelled words being spoken by Jonah Magnus in real time since 159.

Yes he wrote the incantation but, rather crucially, he did not read it.

I binged TMA right as it got up to the season 4 finale. I got through season 1 in one day, and season 2 the next, and then got through three and four in the days after that. I caught up just in time for 160 to drop.

So I, foolish, naïve baby that I was, had over a year to forget what this character actually sounded like, and just how much of a slimy, insufferable fucker Jonah Magnus is. Was. Bitch.

I’ve gone into this elsewhere so I won’t belabor it but one of the reasons I’m so viscerally miffed by him is because of every human character in this podcast, he is the only one that is never shown sympathetically. I’m not counting Nikola Orsinov, or NotThems, or other manifestations of the Entities. I mean of the human, or avatar-human characters he is the least grey. Morality in this show is complex and tough to think about in my brain and one of the great ways it does this is through having really layered characters with motivations that are, at least a little, understandable. Jude Perry was a violent, sadistic lady...she was also devoted to Agnes and in some ways I think you could argue they were each other’s only links to humanity until what’s-his-name came along. Coffee shop Himbo guy. Peter Lukas is a misanthrope to the max who will send people into a nether realm if they so much as look at him wrong – which is to say, look at him at all. He was also raised to know nothing but loneliness, and pursuing it was kind of the only way he ever got some sort of approval. Which also manifested as more distance.

We get these little nuggets of what brought a villain where they are now, and we certainly don’t have to excuse them, but we have some context. We have some understanding that there is humanity in there, and that understanding makes them all the more unsettling.

Not fuckin’ Jonah.

What do we know about him? He’s a couple centuries old. Great. He found out about the powers, was drawn to the eye, and decided to start body-hopping to cheat death. He’s been doing this for ages. He tried a ritual and it failed. He took his time then, plotting and planning, and being smug, and finally arriving at a hypothesis that had a lot of credence to it. Everything fell into place, he was right, its all or nothing with the entities but the Eye rules because it opened the door (or WHATEVER).

So his big motivator is he doesn’t want to die.

And you know what, this is super understandable. We don’t know what his childhood was like (Jesus, can you imagine him in a little powder wig, climbing a tree to get a high vantage point to spy on people and get blackmail on them?), but fear of death is almost universal.

And of all the billions of people on this planet, I cannot help but notice that we are not thwarting narcissistic necromancers every fifteen minutes. Because the world would have fucking exploded a long, long time ago if we had more Jonahs in it. i.e. the people who would make aggressive selfishness a full-time occupation.

There’s a sort of cocktail of shit that makes him a memorable baddie not the least of which is that he never even attempts to justify his abhorrent actions. He’s not lying to himself, or anyone else, he’s not serving a cult, or a bunch of worms. He’s in it for himself, and if he has to stack the corpses of every living thing on the planet to reach immortality he’ll fucking do it without hesitation. Couple that with his manipulations, his merciless psychological torture, and a low, smooth voice that is always so infuriatingly composed and you have a Hell of a villain.

(I maintain that one of the reasons he’s so effective is that he enunciates so carefully. He doesn’t run words together, or mumble, he never really raises his voice, he is always in control, and everything is a flex right down to the articulation. I feel like we associate crisp, clear speech with formality, presidential addresses, or theater, things like that. Where you know what you are going to say and so the recitation is more confident. We hear this happen in statements, to a certain extent, but there’s still a lot of emotional range. For 199 episodes we never heard Jonah lose this pointed, smarmy tone. People don’t talk so formally in life, or when they’re talking on the podcast. There is something unsettling and intimidating about hearing such clear and confident speech all the time. It sounds like he knows exactly what to say in any situation. It sounds like he is utterly confident in every word that leaves his mouth. It sounds like he’s in a scene and no one else got the script but him. Because that is kinda what’s going on. At the very least, he thinks that’s what’s going on)

When he drops from wherever he’s suspended in the panopticon, he, you know, sort of makes a noise because that’s gotta be jarring. And we for once, for once, for fucking ONCE hear him even vaguely uncertain. And stupido io, I thought he was finally brought low and we might get a tantrum or something.

But no. Jonah Magnus has a lot of lost time to make up for, it’s been 20 eps since he’s been able to serenade everyone with his unique brand of horny arrogance. This motherfucker has exactly a millisecond of confusion and grogginess before “I was having the most...wonderful dream”. You can hear him edging.

And he’s kiiiiind of surprised to see John by himself with a knife, but still, so blasé, so, ‘oh, is that all?’ He’s a liiiiitle regretful to hear it’s over, but immediately heads into waxing rhapsodic about seeing a thousand lifetimes and the rapture of infinite sight and suffering and other Hellraiser shit when John speaks for all of us and tells him to shut up. Yet another reason to respect him.

And John has a lovely little catharsis where he gets to tell this orchestrator of his despair that Jonah has failed because the Things that Jonah is so devoted to will die a slow death. How long has he been waiting to say that, do you think? I mean at this point there’s nothing that could do what he’s probably feeling justice but he says it himself he gets some satisfaction from “knowing that I’ll be leaving these things that you serve trapped and starving in their own private hell.”

And all Jonah has to say is: “That we serve.” To the bitter, bitter end he is determined to just...okay I was gonna say twist the knife but that seems a bit tasteless now...determined to cause even more hurt. He cannot resist, it’s kind of all he knows. He is at the edge of a cliff and taunting the person that’s about to push him off of it.

And if you ever need a posterchild for ‘hubris’ just pull up a sound clip of Jonah Magnus. He tries to play the old ‘alright, playtime’s over,’ card, brushing the dust and what-the-fuck-ever else off his suit and manipulate John again. He has the...not even audacity, he’s looped back around from being semi-omniscient, to being so confident in that omniscience he thinks he knows everything and therefore acts way more stupidly than someone without that surety. He is enough of a dipshit to try and say to John “we both know you don’t have it in you”.

Motherfucker, what have you been doing for this entire season? What have you been doing this entire show? You have purposefully created someone who has withstood the brunt of every entity and come out more or less intact. You purposefully guided him into honing his powers, and put him in a position where he has nothing to lose. Well, Martin, but Jonah can’t do anything about that. Not anymore. Because the one person who can protect Martin is coincidentally the same person who can, will, and reeeeeally wants to Kill Jonah.

“King of a ruined world and I shall never die” my ass. King? Really? You were a placeholder, my dude. The Eye didn’t give a fuck that you were at the top of the panopticon and it didn’t give a fuck when John pulled you out of it. You said it yourself, dipshit. You might have started the archives, but John IS the archives. He is the only person more powerful than Jonah and Jonah, of all people, should know this. Especially considering you could presumably see John cutting through the domains, dishing out biblical vengeance, on a warpath for your tower.

So of course, he decides to antagonize John even more if that is even possible by telling him they both know he can’t do it.

And John fucking punches him and it’s great. Extended sounds of brutal ass whooping, please and thank you.

And then we get one of two lines that sums up Jonah Magnus for me.

“P-please John, I don’t want to die”.

This guy. Who dedicated his several lives to ruling the world and feeding on everyone else’s pain. Who has committed atrocities that numerous to count and too horrible to name. Who is being confronted by the direct target of his machinations and who, I think it’s safe to say, hates him more than anyone or anything else in existence. Has the absolute fucking nerve to go “but I’m scared :(”

When he went ‘I don’t want to die’ I actually said to literally no one because I was alone in my room “HA, Fuck you.”

John puts it a bit more eloquently. “Neither did they”. Beautiful. And then he’s gutted like the repulsive little fish he is.

The second line that sums up this insufferable megalomaniac is a little earlier. It’s casual, neither of them makes a point of it. Maybe because it’s a little redundant. “Empathy only holds you back in the end”.

I don’t want to die, and Empathy only holds you back in the end.

I mean, that’s the thesis statement of the shit-eating essay that is Jonah Magnus.

He’s so far beyond regret, or anything that isn’t 100% self-motivated he cannot perceive that perhaps John will have maybe, I don’t know, changed a bit. Gotten used to horror. Killed. He cannot fathom anything outside the tower as more than a food source. He is so used to seeing people as pawns he dies not actually understanding why John killed him. “Good luck” are his last lines.

First of all, the direction is ‘wetly’ and on the one hand I know what that means, but on the other, I cannot think of a more fitting adjective to end on with this guy.

Second of all, the ambiguity of how sincere he is or isn’t being is enraging, and so classic and I hate him, which is to say fucking excellent job of writing and acting both.

He goes to his grave thinking John’s making a power grab. He cannot conceive of any other reason for John doing what he’s doing. They’re opposite ends of the spectrum. One who can think of no one but himself, and one who will sacrifice himself because he’s thinking of everyone else. You know how matter can’t be created or destroyed? I think guilt might be the same way. And Jonah found a handy receptacle for all the guilt he doesn’t have time for and that receptacle is named Jonathan Sims head Archivist of The Magnus Institute.

What a good villain. What an infuriatingly mellifluous bitch. The thinks he’s King of the World, he thinks he’s going to get such special treatment, he thinks consequences apply to everyone but him, he thinks this is a game he can win when he doesn’t even know what the fuck he’s playing.

As much as he looked at John and went “perfect, an insecure idiot”, the Web looked at him and went “perfect, a pompous ass”. He wanted to live forever, but now he’s dead. And he doesn’t even get to live on in memory. No one knew he was up there. No one remembered Elias, let alone Jonah. You think Georgie, Melanie, Rosie, and Basira are going to tell the world about him? What would be the point?

Congratulations, Jonah. You tried to ensure your immortality and ended up ensuring that you died both literally and figuratively. Before it got yeeted into another dimension The End must have had a fucking Field Day the second his heart stopped beating.

What a bastard. What an unfathomable bastard. Like he really thought this would all work out for him, that he was the most Important Thing in the world when, at best, at best he was a glorified fucking contact lens.

Ass.

#The Magnus Archives #TMA #Rusty Quill #RQ #Jonathan Sims #Jonah Magnus #Rant #The Eye #TMA spoilers

[frenchkisstheabyss]

♡ｄａｙｌｉｌｙ♡

♡ I got a request for some Yoongi angst with a happy ending so here we are. As always, thank you to the darling anon who requested this ♡

Pairing: idol!boyfriend!yoongi x chubby!latina!reader

Summary: You and your boyfriend reach a turning point in your relationship after a particularly tough argument one night

Genre: angst/fluff

Word Count: 726

A/N: I named this one "daylily" because they're these beautiful flowers that bloom even under the toughest conditions. Daylilys survive everything together. Yes, yes, I'm a softie. I know!

You can’t even remember them now. Those daggered words spoken through quivering lips late last night. Words forged in the scorching flames of a wounded heart fall away like the petals of a dying flower. There’s no sound to the memories that flash through your mind.

Yoongi rips through his closet, shoving whatever he can grab into the duffle bag in his hand. He’s screaming at you. No. Not at you. At the universe. At the circumstances that led the two of you here. And you’re crying, tears clouding your vision. 

The tightness in your chest is immense. It’s almost as if a boa constrictor’s wrapped itself around you, intent on making you its next meal. You say something and, whatever it is, you’re consumed by defeat when it’s met with silence.

Yoongi pushes past you, disappearing down the hall. You feel the vibration of the front door slamming shut as he leaves. Dropping to the floor, you bury your face in your hands and now you’re screaming. At the universe. At the circumstances that led the two of you here. At the absence of the man you love. 

You inhale. It’s morning and you aren’t sure if you’ve exhaled yet. If you have it’s just barely because the knot in your chest is still there. The ground beneath you is as soft as a cloud, softer even, and something’s embracing the curves of your figure.

Only this time the pressure surrounding you isn’t suffocating. It’s comforting. Familiar. Sitting up you realize that you’re in bed, a few feet away from where you fell asleep on the floor. You spot the black duffle bag near the closet, its contents scattered in the aftermath of a half-hearted attempt to put everything back. 

Glancing down at the source of the weight around your waist, you see an arm with a ticking silver watch dangling from the wrist. “Yoongi?” you whisper, turning your head to find him lying beside you, a mess of dark wavy hair shielding his face from the light of the rising sun.

He shifts a little, bringing you down to him, your faces so close that your nose brushes against his. “What are you doing here?” Yoongi opens his mouth and the sound returns, his low hum of a morning voice warming your cheeks, “We said we’d never run away, right? Can’t break my promise.” 

"It's fine. You don't have to..." you start but every thought in your brain’s washed away when his lids part, trapping you in his deep brown eyes. “Don’t do it.” “Do what?” “That. Push me away.” You lower your head, unable to face the truth of that statement or the face of the man who makes it.

Yoongi’s away so often. On tour. In the studio. Doing interviews. You thought you could handle it but somewhere along the way the loneliness began to eat at you and it felt safer to keep him out than to lose him again and again. “I get why you do it” he sighs, fingertips dancing along your cheek, “I can’t imagine how lonely you must get. How sad. That’s why I want you to come with me.”

“Come with you?” you ask, wide eyes fixed on him once again, “Come with you where?” Yoongi shrugs, kissing you on the forehead, “Mmm, everywhere?” You laugh, unsure you heard him clearly, “Everywhere?” “Everywhere. I mean it. I want you with me, y/n. I know it’s a lot to ask you to just pick up and…”

You kiss him, delicate and sweet, cutting short his own attempt at protecting his feelings. “Don’t do that” you whisper, using your fingers to comb his hair back. “What?” “Push me away. I’ll come with you.” Yoongi’s face lights up brighter than it has in months, “Really?” You nod, cradling his face in your hands, “Mmhmm.”

“I…I fucking love you, you know that? I love you!” he shouts and he’s pulling you closer, kissing you all over. “I love you too” you giggle, doing your best to keep from falling off of the bed. But you don’t care if you do because for the first time in a long time, maybe for the first time ever, the fear of losing him doesn’t exist anymore.

Inevitably he’ll leave again. Abandon this city, this country, altogether. And he’ll do it with you by his side or not at all.  

#yoongi x reader #yoongi angst #yoongi fluff #yoongi x you #yoongi x y/n #chubby reader #plus size reader #latina reader

[saursoob]

can you do a bf!yeonjun apologizing after an argument? please make it super fluffy!

❤︎ |i love you much more| ❤︎

yess ofc anon!! idk if this good enough but pls enjoy 💗

warnings: y/n is a overthinker, yeonjun refers to y/n as “pretty girl”

@saursoob reblogs r okay! please don’t repost

you and your bf yeonjun haven’t been hanging out much as of recently now that he’s been traveling for tour. you’ve been very supportive of his job but its been lonely. when you first started dating it was bearable but the more you got used to him in your life that started to change.

but you can imagine how ecstatic you were when you found out he was he finally coming home. you decided to get ready, putting on some light makeup even though it was late. you and yeonjun had been together for a over a year now but you still wanted to look your nice for him as its been a while since you’ve last seen him. as you were getting ready you received a text from your bf, yeonjun: “y/n im not going over today im super tired. ily” you pouted at his text feeling upset that he wasn’t coming but more confused if anything “he always comes over and “ily?” why didn’t he say the whole word?” ultimately you decide to push your thoughts away and respond back. y/n: “its alright. rest well!”

-

the next morning you text him to hopefully make up for the previous day of him not going to see you. y/n: “junnie come over today! i miss youu”

yeonjun: “i have a busy schedule today but ill try.” your heart sank at his cold laced tone. why is he being so weird? if hes mad at me he should just tell me. you sigh and put down your phone, scrolling on netflix to watch something to make you feel better

more under cut!!

hours later you hear a knock on your door, you secretly hoped it was your boyfriend even though you’re slightly mad at him. “hey” he says while you open the door, it was him. he goes in for a hug, barely even touching you when he does but you didn’t say anything.

“why are you here?” you asked him. silence filled the room as he went to lay down on your couch, taking out his phone and mindlessly scrolling on it. you looked at him in disbelief, aggravated on why he was acting like this. “yeonjun, are you mad at me or something?” you tried to keep your voice composed but failed to, your words coming out shaky.

“why would i be mad at you?” yeonjun says, not fully paying attention to you still looking at his phone.

“i dont know? yesterday you didn’t come over to see me which you never do, didn’t even bother to call but instead texting me and not even saying i love you properly?! and now you are here but you don’t even hug me properly either?? yeonjun, you were gone for so long leaving me here to miss you but you don’t even seem like you’ve missed me! ” you got so angry that unknowingly you started tearing up.

yeonjun immediately focused all his attention to you, standing up to face you. cupping your face with his hands and wiping a tear with his thumb, “darling, please don’t cry. im sorry i didn’t even realize that i didn’t hug you properly.” he says in a soft spoken voice while going in to hug you tightly.

“yesterday i was so jet lagged that i just went home ready to knock out for the night. i know this is no excuse for it but work has been so tough lately, tour’s, dance practice, schedule, interview appearances. its just a lot but please y/n i’ve missed you so much.”

he says while softly lifting your jaw for you to look at him “i’ve missed you more than anything, so please don’t think that i didn’t.”

you answer looking away from him, “yeonjun, could’ve have slept here.”

“i know and im sorry babe i wont do it again i promise.” he says leaving a peak on your nose

“lets make up for it right now, yeah?” yeonjun leads you to your bedroom, laying down first and patting on his chest signaling for you to lay down on him, you do as he signaled, getting comfortable on his chest.

“you know this isn’t gonna make up for it choi yeonjun” to which he chuckles at, “mmm i know, what if i make you breakfast in bed in the morning lovely?” you cant help but light up at his comment “you’re staying the night?! you don’t have any schedules in the morning tomorrow?”

“nope” he smiles looking down at you “you did say i have to make it up to you, right?”

after a while of being in the comfort of his chest and hearing his heartbeat yeonjun suddenly sighs deeply, playing with your hair. “you have no idea how much i love you y/n.” making you smile in a sleepy haze

“ i love you much more, yeonjun.”

!! reblogs are vv appreciated !!

ENDD!! im actually so nervous to post this since im not that confident in my writing but if you enjoyed thank you so much 😣 <33

#txt fluff #fluff #kpop #tomorrow x together #txt #txt imagines #txt x reader #txt x y/n #yeonjun x reader #yeonjun x oc #yeonjun x y/n #yeonjun #yeonjun x you #yn #kpop fics #kpop imagines #txt ff #yeonjun fanfic #yeonjun fluff #txt x you

[f1-birb]

ugh those "oscar" fans (in inverted commas bc as i said to you the other day i don't believe they're real oscar fans - easy to tell from the fact they invariably have certain other drivers' numbers in their bios that are "coincidetally" the fanbases who cannot leave lando alone).

they've even recently tried 'lando doesn't care about mental health, he never posts about it, x,y,z driver posts about it more'. no, he doesn't post shallow tweets occasionally paying lip service to it, nor does he do 'i went to discover what this mental health thing is all about' pr drivel like certain others do on the odd occasion they remember they claimed to care about it.

instead he has put his efforts into effecting real change where he can irl. he talks honestly and frankly about his own ongoing struggles on live tv and in interviews like the one he did with jon last year. it's well-known how much impact famous young men speaking openly about their struggles has on other young men who are struggling, a group who have such a high rate of mh issues and suicide. like your other anon said, by being open and honest he steered mclaren toward taking mh seriously starting when he was only 19 years old, is the reason they were the one team that got their team members proper mh support during covid, is the reason they have the partnership with mind, and his work bts has led to them now having a trackside psychologist for the team and having recently hired a second, have a proper mental wellbeing team at the mtc. he is one of only two drivers who spoke out in the media as far back as 2021 about the worry of the mh impact of the increased calendar on the trackside teams, zak has also said lando spoke to him about his concerns for the crew and that was one of the things that made him act accordingly - mclaren started rotating their trackside team as far back as early 2022, increasing that more through 2022 & 2023, since early last year have been running test sessions to train new engineers and mechanics so they can be added to the rotation and have recently completed another round of recruitment for working toward them having 3 people in every position that they can rotate across the year to give their staff a proper rest. a couple of people who work at mclaren have also said that lando took it on himself to talk with them and care about them when he heard on the grapevine they were struggling and i doubt they're the only ones he's done that with. he has used his position to push for change & lead by example in the place he is most able to, his own workplace, where it has had a real and meaningful impact on people's lives. and that has spread out across the paddock with other teams starting to follow mclaren's lead. (seb also had a similar impact on mh work within aston martin once he joined them in 2021) it is so much more than lip service or a bit of pr. effecting change is not about how much you post about something on social media.

a lot of people don't realise how much he's done within mclaren because he doesn't blow his own trumpet about it 24/7 but zak, andrea and other team members have let out bits here and there about how much he really cares. andrea has also spoken at length about how much lando did to help him keep the team's spirits up in 2023 when things were bad (and andreas seidl said the same of him in 2022). there is also someone who works at the mtc who posts in the mclaren sub on reddit occasionally who said early last year that whenever lando was at the mtc he took the time to go around every single department individually and talk to them and encourage them and thank them for all their efforts and assure them things would come good, and the mclaren guy said how much that meant to people who work there. (he posted in response to some fans saying lando must make mclaren workers feel like shit because he talks in interview about the car being bad)

also oscar going to the great barrier reef is fantastic. i'd imagine they reached out to him to help with awareness and he was very happy to do so while he was able to be in australia for a while. he and lily were in queensland over the break (he posted a pic of them in noosa) so maybe he got talking to people then that made him want to be involved. and honestly how dare those "fans" turn it into something to bash lando with instead of recognising the great initiative oscar himself has taken and the platform for awareness of the work being done there that it is.

sorry this is really long. these people make me go into rant mode every time.

anon I knew all of that and you still made my eyeballs very very wet 🥺

no notes, this is perfect

and what you said about Oscar echoes what I said before, using things to bring down Lando diminishes the praise for Oscar

like celebrate what Oscar is doing and has done, let him have that without having to bring up other people

#lando norris #AND THIS IS CLEARLY NOT HATING ON OSCAR #OR THE MAJORITY OF HIS FANS #it's literally calling out a minority of them #thank you anon #even if you made me shed a tear #birb speaks

[twopoppies]

hiii gina did you see this? it’s everything we’ve been saying that happens in this industry https://www.gaytimes.co.uk/originals/matt-terry-the-x-factor-coming-out-interview/

Hi, honey. No, I hadn’t but it really is just the same fucking story over and over, isn’t it? It’s disgusting. And it all sounds so familiar. 😡

GT: Coming to terms with your identity is one thing, but you had to go through that process on one of the UK’s most-watched shows, with various publications then questioning your sexuality. At the age of 23, too. What was that time like for you?

MT: I’m smiling because I feel like I’m finally getting this off my shoulders. I’m a Taurus, so I do everything by myself: ‘I’m strong, I can handle it.’ But, it was so f**king hard, I’m not going to lie. Any comment I saw or heard, any tweets, my heart would drop and I would immediately break into a sweat. I went on the show because I love to sing. I didn’t want to be – it sounds so silly – famous. I’m not here for that. I want to dedicate my life to my passion and my art, which is songwriting and my voice. I went on the show because I had £4 in my bank account, and I didn’t want to be a waiter anymore. When I won, I never thought about what would happen. I didn’t think ahead. I never thought about the press or my sexuality or, ‘What am I gonna tell people?’ The paparazzi would always write ‘Matt Terry kisses male outside pub’ or ‘Matt Terry likes Tom Daley’s Instagram picture.’ I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I hadn’t spoken to my family. I hadn’t spoken to my friends. It was getting on top of me.

Also, I had the pressure of delivering a number-one album, otherwise I’d be a failure. The team I had – I’ll say it – weren’t the best. I don’t think we understood each other very well. I had a manager who… I won’t name names, but bear in mind, I was new. She was like, ‘You need to tell me now – are you or aren’t you gay? I’ve got the whole industry right now asking about you. I’m here defending you, telling them no. If it turns out you are, I’m going to have a massive egg on my face because of you.’ I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. There was no one there to protect or help me. I was like, ‘Okay, I see what’s happening here.’ And that’s when I decided that [my sexuality] is for me. That’s when I said, ‘I’m going to take a step back. I will let you in when I know who I am.’ So, I privately came away from the industry, and lots of people have been like, ‘Where have you been?’ I’ve been discovering who I am as a human and as an artist. This is me taking back control.

[…]

GT: My first reaction to your manager’s comments was to laugh, because it’s almost like a parody of a fictional villain. But, as we’ve seen, these people still exist – and not just in the industry. Celebrities are still having to confirm or deny whether they’re straight or queer because ‘fans’ are demanding to know.

MT: Like with Kit Connor. The whole thing was just a disappointment. We all watched Heartstopper. If you understand the show, you wouldn’t be prodding him about his sexuality.

[…]

With my first album, there were girls in the music videos. I remember turning up on set and the label saying, ‘Here, pick one of these girls as the love interest.’ I’m looking at headshots of all these beautiful girls and I thought, ‘Did I even imagine a girl in this? Or did I imagine a man?’ Before you know it, I’m in music videos snogging women.

I have prepared myself for support and love, but I’ve also prepared for homophobia. I will have some unfollows, but I don’t care. I would rather have 200 followers that love me than 200,000 followers that are homophobic.

Full interview here

#Matt Terry #Gay times #celebrity coming out #closeting #music industry #copy of a copy of a copy isn’t it?

[jokeroutsubs]

📝ENG Translation: NEW VOICES: RAIVEN in conversation with Bojan Cvjetićanin

Article published in April 2024 issue of VOGUE Adria magazine, English translation by @kurooscoffee, @moonlvster and a member of Joker Out Subs, Proofread by IG GBoleyn123.

Whatever it is, in its essence youth is almost always intense, authentic, revolutionary and brings new things even when it is not aware of it, and if there is a great example of this statement, then it is certainly this year's representatives at the Eurovision song contest from the countries of our region. It has not happened for a long time that at the same time Slovenia, Serbia and Croatia are represented by members of the younger generation who also bring a completely new sound. While Teya Dora extremely successfully brings ethno-influences into pop, Raiven gives her operatic background a pop form, and Baby Lasagna brings a rock sound with a specific local twist. However, in addition to being refreshing in the musical sense, they also know the little secret that "a song can bear everything" and that in it, it is possible to say more than in hundreds of words, so with their songs they open not only a new chapter in the music scene of the region, but also some important questions: migrations, feelings of rejection and not belonging, regeneration and triumph in difficult times. This year's Eurovision representatives talked about this sacred thing (and much more) with their colleagues Ana Đurić Konstrakta, Vesna Pisarović and Bojan Cvjetićanin, who participated in some of the previous Eurovisions and shared questions, doubts, experiences, problems, plans and excitement about the upcoming contest.

Sara Briški Cirman, Raiven, talked to last year's Slovenian Eurovision representative Bojan Cvjetićanin from Joker Out about authenticity, which always wins, stage fright and the new Slovenian music scene.

BOJAN : We haven't spoken for a long time, practically since the last interview we did via webcam, I called you from London last time if you remember.

RAIVEN: Yes, I remember. This is going to be very special now because I can't even imagine how the conversation is going to go, because you're going to be asking me questions mostly, and I think it's usually the other way round, so...

BOJAN: Look, I have a lot of questions prepared for you and I'm really looking forward to talking to you. I think it's best if we start with the fact that your life is probably mostly painted with the Eurovision colours at the moment. Please tell me, how has your Eurovision participation shaken up your inner state of mind? What is going on in your head?

RAIVEN: Yes, this Eurovision is absolutely much more mentally exhausting than one would think. Above all, I think it's not only stressful for the artist, but also for the people around the person who is going to Eurovision. There are many emotions, from excitement to fear and horror. Everything is present, but it is the most exciting period in my life so far.

BOJAN: You're an independent music artist, you're not signed to any record label, right? Do you, already at this moment, before Eurovision itself, see the disadvantages or advantages of being an independent artist?

RAIVEN: Yeah, there are definitely advantages in terms of having more creative freedom, but Eurovision is such a big project that I think it would be nice to have a bigger team of people behind you to help you out, but I still have a lot of people I can rely on and work well with. Through the Eurovision process, I've also got a sharper radar of who I'm cool working with and who I'm not.

BOJAN: Do you feel any fear? Do you feel equally competent to the other performers? Some of them probably have a background in the music industry, some of them absolutely come from these so-called powerhouse countries of Eurovision. How do you feel?

RAIVEN: I have a chance in terms of having some kind of starting position, but at the same time I feel a little less pressure because I feel that if you come from a bigger country, you have higher expectations about the result.

BOJAN: Okay. What is your realistic goal? What would you want in a year? I mean, in one year, Eurovision will be ten months behind you. What would be the ideal result for you in one year?

RAIVEN: I would probably be happiest if I managed to have concerts abroad. I also think my music is suitable for a foreign market. Yes, I would definitely be interested in that. I think you have more than obviously shown that it can be done, but there are a lot of factors. To go abroad would be ideal for me of course, at least to the Balkans. That seems somewhat realistic to me.

BOJAN: The Eurovision stage will absolutely be the biggest stage you have ever stood upon. Will Sara be scared?

RAIVEN: Yes, of course I'll be scared. But above all, I feel a very strong responsibility to myself not to disappoint myself, to be relaxed and confident enough in the moment, and ready enough to really enjoy it. I mean, everybody tells me that I have to go there first and foremost to enjoy it, but I honestly don't go there with that mindset. I'm sure I'll be happy if I enjoy it too, but I think I'm going there to work first and foremost. Then, when all the things and all the preparations have gone at least roughly as I had imagined, I can enjoy it.

BOJAN: It's been a while since the song has been out. Tell me, how are your ears reacting to the song today?

RAIVEN: I'm very proud of this song. I don't think I've ever released a song that I could stand behind so much. It's also absolutely clear to me how I could have approached it more tactfully and made a different song that might have been more suitable for that stage on a first sight. But it's a song that I'm still not tired of now that I've sung it a million times and that I've been rehearsing for a really, really long time. I know that at this point in my musical development, this song has been through the most; it's the best I can give of myself and I've put all the knowledge and all the experience I've gained so far into this song, so I'm very proud of it.

BOJAN: Nice. I like to hear it too and it always stays in my head when I hear it, so it's a good ear worm, even if maybe it's not uniform.

RAIVEN: But I have to say that I often think back to when you came to me and when we were still working on the song a little bit, because the song didn't have that most important hook in the first place, "Jaz sem, ti si, Veronika" ("I am, you are, Veronika"), and I often think back to what it would have been like if the song didn't have that part. I feel like it really elevated the song to a whole other level and gave it a part that maybe I wouldn't have dared to give it because I would have thought it was too hooky for me. I don't even know what I was thinking before, when that part wasn't there, so thank you.

BOJAN: My pleasure. I agree that a good part is in the right place. It definitely has a role to play. You know, I believe that the universe tends to take us where it can take us, if we're already working in that direction, to believe in our own success and in good energies. It was bound to happen, and it did. You performed at the Croatian Dora and sang Veronika for the first time in a stripped down version, in a different shape, acoustically, and as far as I could tell from the comments, it was very well received. Are there any more of your opera inserts to look forward to at Eurovision? Or is that a secret?

RAIVEN: I don't know exactly what people perceive as opera. If these high notes that I shout at the end of Veronika are operatic, then yes. I think it's a dangerous path for me, this pop genre of opera, because I think it can quickly take on a corny undertone, so I'm very careful when it comes to including opera into pop. But I'm sure it will be very audible on the Eurovision stage that my technical singing fundamentals are based on classical training.

BOJAN: Interesting, interesting and beautiful. The performance will, I assume, also have a strong dance or choreographic theme. I believe, given that we approached Eurovision pretty much on the principle of "Let's try to make a concert experience," which also meant that the choreography was really minimal and we didn't bother with it too much. But maybe you're even more worried about the choreography part than the actual performance?

RAIVEN: Not really, because I feel like with the choreography, if I can even call it that, because it's not really that, we've approached it as coming from me and coming from some natural movement of mine. I felt liberated to accept that I'm not a dancer and I don't need to look pretty or sexy or like some conventional beauty on stage and I've embraced this awkward moment that I'm having and I feel very comfortable in all these movements that we've put in, so now I don't (worry) anymore. But I have one question for you. What advice do you have for me as a female musician who is not so much conventionally or commercially oriented, but is still going to be standing on the Eurovision stage, who maybe even has a certain requirement from a female singer to be a Beyonce type singer?

BOJAN: My honest opinion is that Eurovision is the festival where unconventional acts have absolutely thrived the most so far, i.e. those who have managed to break through the boundaries of what we think of as ordinary. It seems to me that if in those three minutes it is clear to everyone that what you are presenting on stage is sincere, that is to say, that this mystery or complexity is part of you and that this is evident both in your performance and in your aura, then that is the only recipe for success, as far as I am concerned. That is to say, if it looks real, it is real. I think you know very well what you represent and what you are doing, so you just have to carry it through to the end and carry it through flawlessly.

RAIVEN: Hm, if you were going to Eurovision now, would you do anything differently? Or would you as a band have done something different?

BOJAN: I would definitely dress differently. I wouldn't change anything else, honestly. We were a bit too colourful maybe. But it was all part of the moment, we were having a blast, we were wearing the Garden of Eden colours, and it all happened as it should have happened. I wouldn't change anything else. We had a great team, we had great energy. Luckily I wasn't nervous on stage when I had to be myself, that's it. Obviously, a huge part of Eurovision is what happens behind the stage. The Eurovision community is very involved and they really love what goes on. Tell me, have you made any friends, at least through social networks or otherwise, with any of your fellow soldiers this year?

RAIVEN: Yes, I have. I met Baby Lasagna at Dora and we had a little chit-chat and I told him I was a big fan of his song and he said he was a big fan of mine. And then in another interview he said really nice things about me, so I've already gotten to know him and I'm also mutually following quite a lot of the artists on Instagram. There are a couple of them who are really inspiring me now that I've got to know their music.

BOJAN: Yeah, Baby Lasagna, is he still first at the bookies?

RAIVEN: I think so, I think that's pretty impressive, and especially that story of his is pretty cool.

BOJAN: Would you rather win the Eurovision and then not have much happen to you, as it goes for most Eurovision winners, or would you rather live up to the success of Rosa Linn, who was, I think, 20th, and then took the whole world by storm with her song?

RAIVEN: I would have loved to have had the success that you have had. I think you guys are a total inspiration to me.

BOJAN: Thank you very much. I also sincerely wish that it opens up for you in that direction, because our life has totally turned upside down in a very positive way. That dream that probably every kid has, once they start a band, to be able to play, let alone to be able to play in Europe; we've now managed to live and experience those things in one year. Without Eurovision, I'm sure it wouldn't have happened as quickly or as powerfully, so that's very nice and I believe you will do it too.

RAIVEN: But I think that you have given a lot of drive and pride to people on the Slovenian scene in general. What do you think about the young music scene in Slovenia?

BOJAN: We emerged on the music scene here, let's say, in 2014. That's when we started with our first band. I think we had already signed up for a gig in 2014 or 2015, with Apokalipsa. This was at a time when Kino Šiška was already running Špil Liga¹ and had newly produced a band called Koala Voice, which at that time gave a strong sense of something fresh on the Slovenian music scene. Koala Voice and Persons from porlock were probably the first two bands that managed to get a younger audience on their side and then the gigs started, the festivals booked the young artist, considering that the scene in Slovenia has been pretty much of the same colours and stagnant for the last 15 years. Then in 2016/2017 we formed, MRFY formed and I would say that then they and we, together with Koala Voice, became the carriers of the new wave of music in Slovenia. Then bands like Lumberjack and KOKOSY quickly joined, and now we have MASAYAH, so suddenly a lot of young artists started to appear, including Jet Black Diamonds, who managed to attract people to their concerts by themselves, which was not the case in Slovenia, let's say 10 or 15 years ago. I would say that the music scene in Slovenia is going through a total renaissance, so it's absolutely more than clear that the music scene has changed a lot in a positive way.

¹Competition for student bands organized by Kino Šiška, which Joker Out won in 2017

RAIVEN : How would you say pop artists are perceived in Slovenia and what is Slovenian pop like? Because most of these new artists that you mentioned are mainly from the band category.BOJAN: Slovenia is very different from the Balkans here because Balkan pop is more kafana/club pop, which is not the case with our pop. We have, or always have had, a lot of artists who have a media presence and appear every year, for example at the traditional Portorož² festival, or at these events that we have, but they never have their own concerts. In the Balkans, I don't think this is the case, because the performers are really very regularly playing at locations, whatever those may be.

² Kafana pop is a genre of music typical to the Balkans, and mostly consists of commercial folk/turbofolk songs. Kafana is a distinct type of local bistro, common in some former Yugoslav countries, which primarily serves alcoholic beverages and coffee, and often also light snacks.

³ The Portorož festival that Bojan mention is annual pop/ballad competition called "Melodije morja in sonca" (Melodies of the sea and the sun).

RAIVEN: What do you think is the reason for that?

BOJAN: For me, the reason is that there is no audience for the pop music that exists here. It seems to me that it's not music that you can transfer into some kind of a location and that somebody will actually go and listen to it; it's music for radio, for TV shows and so on. Folk music is performed, folk bands are by far the most present on the live music scene here, but pop artists are not, because it is very difficult to get that kind of music on the stage. I think most pop artists in this country don't even have a band or a concept, so they're practically just media personalities as far as I'm concerned. There is absolutely a very interesting difference between Slovenia and the rest of the Balkans. Club culture doesn't exist here, pop artists are more or less doomed to radio.

RAIVEN: How do you see the difference between how male or female performers are perceived in Slovenia, do you think there is any difference between how they are perceived? What are the demands on male and female lead vocalists?

BOJAN: Jeez, I don't know, In Slovenia we have a very specific problem when it comes to female lead vocalists, because it is very rare that a female lead vocalist dares to smash the stage. One true female lead vocalist was Nina from Tabu, after her Tina from Tabu, and now there is MASAYAH. In the Balkans they really don't lack in that regard, in the Balkans female performers are very sharp, with lots of character, very strong; you have the feeling that they don't care about the system; you can't come along and act clever, because you'll get a slap. But here it's all taken with laughter and joy, everything is nice and right, which is the difference between Slovenia and the Balkans. It seem that the audience here eats it up if a woman knows how to totally smash it when she comes on stage. Manca from Koala Voice is a pure example of that; she came on stage and she owned the stage so that we were all impressed, it's the same with Helena Blagne, she's a diva and the stage is hers, I think female leading vocalists with character are very well received. You absolutely have that, but you're in a different genre, you're not in a position to come and start jumping on stage, but you still take your stance. Of course, there are still singers, male and female, and bands that are great, but I can't mention all of them right now. I would also like to mention Nina Pušlar, who is absolutely by far the most active pop singer in Slovenia. She knows what she is doing. It would be bad to leave her out, To get back to your song, I have one more question, how did you come up with the title Veronika?

RAIVEN: The song was originally written about Jeanne d'Arc, but after I started thinking about entering EMA and Eurovision with this song, it seemed to me that I should choose a female character who is important for Slovenia and for the Slovenian space as an inspiration for the song. Veronika Deseniška (Veronika of Desenice) was the first woman accused of witchcraft in Slovenia, and I feel that I am very understanding towards people who are rejected or not understood by society, so there is a personal connection that I have with Veronika.

-~-~-~

Do not repost this article and if you quote, please link back!

credits:

PHOTO: MARKO SUVIĆ

Creative director: FILIP KOLUDROVIĆ

Fashion: ANA NIKAČEVIĆ

Makeup: NINA BURAZOR

Hair: ŽIGA ABRAM @ MARE DRESURA

Assistant stylist: KRISTINA VRDOLJAK

Note from JokerOutSubs: Photos for this post were provided by TWT dejanacm, text was provided by an anonymous fan. Thank you!

#joker out #bojan cvjetićanin #raiven #eurovision 2024 #slovenia #baby lasagna #croatia #teya dora #serbia

[tillthelandslide]

Don't know if you would like requests like this but...

Imagine Lou gets asked to do an interview whilst on tour with the guys and she's just gushing over them... And maybe they'm can be featured?

Insufferable Arsehole: An Interrupted Interview

A/n: I absolutely love requests like these. It means I get to write something that's not within the series but relating to it and I had fun writing this. I got this request ages ago and I'm finally getting round to finishing it... This is kinda set in the middle of Chapter 1, before the fans new about their relationship.

Note: I got sent this ages ago so I aoologise for taking so long... I'm trying to sort out my drafts because I have so many so I'm finally getting round to posting it even though it's not really finished.

Taglist: @scooby-doodoo @thereisaplaceintheheart @theoriginalwhatsername @eaglestar31

Initially when Jamie had explained that companies had started to reach out, practically begging to get an interview with her, she was apprehensive to say the least. He had explained that he had spoken with Lou's manager Gregg and they both agreed it would be a good step for her.

It would allow fans of the 1975 who didn't know her very well to get to know her better and for her own fans, would provide them with content that they desperately wanted.

She was unsure because she knew she'd be asked about her and Matty's relationship. But the couple spoke about it and Matty (along with Jamie) said that whatever she decided to say or not say, was fine with them and they would deal with any repercussions as a team.

As they were on tour, Jamie managed to fit an online interview in, so there she sat, at the back of their tour bus, laptop placed in front of her as she nervously played with her hair. She could hear the guys laughing and having fun in the background and was afraid she would be missing out, but she knew she needed to do this.

She heard a quick knock on the door, 5 minutes until the interview starts, she murmurs a come in before the door is opening ever so slightly and Mattys face is revealed.

"Are you alright in here darling? We'll try to keep it down" he says, sweetly, smiling at her from his place, having not yet stepped into the threshold.

"Yeah" she says, thumbs fumbling against each other which doesn't go unnoticed by Matty. His eyebrows raise as he knows she's lying to him so he finally steps into the room, closing the door behind him and placing himself next to her, hands finding hers.

"What's up sweetheart?" He asks, pressing a kiss to her forehead. All her worries seem to drift away when he's there with her.

"Just nervous, haven't had an interview since... Well just after we finished the tour... And then 3 weeks later I was joining you... Haven't had much time to..." She pauses, thinking of her words.

"Haven't had much to think, have you love?" He finishes her words for her, and the pair nod at each other.

"I know what all of this means to me... What you all mean to me... But I'm not always the best at explaining it" she explains and he nods.

"Just act like you're talking to me hmm? Will that make it easier?" He says and she nods, smiling at him. Their lips meet in a gentle kiss before her laptop is ringing. Matty leaves the room then, telling her she'll be fine and to just think of him.

She then answers the call, smiling at the interviewer as they say their hellos and introduce themselves.

The interviewer quickly explains what they'll be talking about and then she sees the icon, letting her know it's now being recorded. She introduces the specific interview channel before introducing Lou.

"I'm joined by the wonderful Lou, who is currently touring with the 1975, how are you today?" she asks.

"I'm amazing, thank you! how are you?" She asks, a wide smile on her face.

"I'm great thank you. Lovely to have you here"

"It's wonderful to be here, over the internet" she says making the interviewer laugh.

"So you've been touring with the 1975 for over a month now, what's it been like so far?" She asks and Lou smiles.

"I am honestly having the best time, the guys are just the best and the fans are so dedicated and just lovely" she says, keeping her answer brief, not over revealing but telling enough.

"And you've known these guys, for a long time right?" She asks, Lou appreciates how casual the interview feels, she really doesn't like interviews which are too formal or have over complicated questions.

"Yeah I went to school with the guys. I've known George since I was born, our dad's are best friends. He's like furniture in my life now" she smiles.

"That's adorable. What's it like knowing them that long?" She asks, a smile on her face. You briefly reminisce on the time, smiling widely.

"I mean... They're like my family now honestly. I don't know what I'd do without them... And the truth is I haven't known anyone, apart from my family, as long as I've known them... And they're the biggest supporters of my career and always have been so it's been the best and I'm incredibly lucky to have them and to be on this journey with them" she explains.

"Now alongside knowing them for as long as you have, and being as close as you are with them, especially with George, you must have faced comments from fans and paps? Comments about relationships?" She asks and Lou nods.

"Yeah. Unfortunately that's always something I think is going to happen. Sometimes, I think especially with younger fans, they see two people as close as George and I for example, and they think they must be dating... And that's just not the case, I love all of the boys, more than I've ever loved anyone... But platonic relationships are just as important and... Real as romantic ones" she explains, the interviewer smiles at her, she looks down at her lap, presumably at her question card and her face drops slightly, she probably doesn't actually want to ask the next question but someone is making her.

"Everyone has been talking about it and asking about it, but you and Matty seem to be getting very close, as you've just said platonic relationships are very important but is there something else going on?" She asks the words with caution and Lou smiles at her, letting her know it's okay to ask.

She chuckles lightly before speaking "Um- Matty and I haven't always seen eye to eye but being on this tour has really helped that. I mean, spending every hour of every day with someone kind of forces that to happen anyway... But, he's really important to me, he's an amazing person and Um-" she smiles, and she thinks that will be enough to tell the fans what they need to know.

"Yeah he's just wonderful. I'm really loving being with him and the guys right now" she says. Her words don't fully confirm anything but they don't deny anything either.

"Great" the interviewer smiles widely before she continues talking "fans have of course been loving hearing you sing alongside the guys and hearing you're incredible solo in 'About You' but they're wondering when you'll be returning to your own band and doing your own projects?" She asks.

"Well I'll be on this tour with the guys until they don't need me anymore" she laughs "and then me and the band will discuss what we want to do in terms of touring. Obviously we had been touring and making albums since we were teenagers and all needed a bit of break"

The interviewer nods before Lou keeps talking.

"I didn't take much of break obviously because I started doing this" they both laugh "but that just explains my whole personality to be honest, I just need to be kept busy. However, I am working on songs and things whilst touring" she says.

"I'm sure fans will be very happy to hear that"

"I hope so"

"And will the boys maybe feature?"

"Maybe... I haven't asked them, but that would be cool. Our music is a little bit different from one another but I'm sure we could find some middle ground"

"Everyone's wondering about this next question, I've seen so many fans asking it, so what's your favourite song by the 1975 and is there any you don't like?" She asks and Lou smiles.

"Oh god that's hard... Honestly I don't think they've ever released a song that I didn't like... There's definitely been some ones where g has sent me the demo and I've preferred the demo" she says making the interview laugh.

"As for favourite... I'd say at the moment it's Frail State of Mind... Think it changes too much for me to say what my all time favourite is" she explains and the interviewer nods.

"And favourite to perform?" She asks.

"About you... Obviously" she then hears a loud ruckus coming from outside the room, the boys laughing uncontrollably about something.

"Sorry about all that noise" Lou laughs and the interviewer just shrugs it off, not minding in the slightest.

"One downfall about touring with this lot is they're mental, get up to all kinds of trouble" she says and she hears the door creaking open next go her, revealing both George and Matty.

"Don't let her lie to you, she's usually involved in the trouble" George shouts and Lou chuckles as she stares at the two men.

"That's George" she says to the interviewer.

"She's usually the one who starts all of the trouble" Matty then says, smirking at her, raising his eyebrows.

"And Matty" Lou says and the interviewer nods. The boys come to sit next to her, Matty placing a hand on her thigh which luckily cannot be seen by the camera.

"Hi" they both wave and the interviewer almost sits in shock.

"This was unexpected" she says, smiling at the two men as she waves back.

"Well, we were kind of missing Lou, this is the longest we've been without her so far" George says making the lady smile at the sweet sentiment.

"That's very sweet. Do you mind if I ask you two a few questions? Now you're here with us?" She asks and both the guys nod.

"Oh god. Behave" she points at both of them and all of them laugh.

"What's it like having Lou on tour with you?" She asks the simple question and George answers first.

"It's the best honestly. She's been my best friend since we were babies and where we're usually touring on different sides of the world, we don't get to see each other that much. But now I get to have her every day" George smiles "and she's fucking sick, an amazing addition to the band" George says, apologising for swearing which makes every laugh.

The interviewer looks and Matty then and his eyes shout to Lou and he smiles before talking.

"Yeah it's alright I guess" he jokingly says and they all laugh again "no it's amazing really. She fits in really well with the band which I didn't think would happen. She's just amazing really that's all I can say" Matty keeps it brief and simple and Lou appreciates it. She feels his hand squeeze her thigh gently and she smiles at him as her hand slowly (and discreetly finds his).

"What's the best part of having Lou on tour with you?" The interviewer asks and Lou's eyes flick in between both men, watching as they smile widely.

"Just having my best friend back to goof around with to be honest' George admits and it makes her smile widely and lean her head on his shoulder for a second.

"Hearing her sing and come up with her songs is pretty awesome" Matty says and her eyes find his, they smile widely at each other and Matty speaks her next words directly to her "she has this little notebook that she writes all her stuff in, and it's got all these pictures in it... Its nice to fill them with pictures of us" he says, there's a beat, a moment of silence before Matty looks back at the screen, eyes finding the interviewer who is smirking, he then and only then corrects his words.

"Us as in the band... Of course" he says and both George and the interviewer raise their eyebrows.

Of course when the interview is released fans go wild over every part of the interview, but that part sticks out and it just fuels the fire of speculation about their relationship.

#insufferable Arsehole matty Healy series #matty healy #the 1975 #the 1975 fanfic #matty healy x reader #george daniel #matty healy smut #matty healy one shot #matty healy fic #matty the 1975 #matty #matty healy fan fic #matty healy fanfic #matty healy fanfiction #matty healy fluff

[merakiui]

no because imagine you drop floyd after he proposes to you - you can probably write an okay article with what you’ve got - and you think you’re done with him for good, until a few weeks later you see that he’s run away from prison. imagine the fear of knowing he’s just out there and the way all his threats are circling across your mind, especially in the middle of the nights when the shadows look a little too similar to a certain someone.

And you'll never be able to predict what he might do now that he's escaped. Will he lay low until the chaos dies down? Will he come right for you, disregarding the risk altogether? Will he change his appearance to blend in with society? Have you already seen him out of the corner of your eye, or is that just your paranoia playing tricks on you? It's so terrifying and anxiety-inducing. You'll live in a constant state of fear and uncertainty. Every little sound startles you. From a creaky floorboard to the wind blowing harshly outside, it gives you such a terrible fright and triggers your flight or fight response immediately.

To keep yourself safe, you've installed extra locks on your doors, you keep your windows locked tight and the curtains closed, and you've even taken to staying with a friend or a loved one every now and then on the days when you don't feel very comfortable sleeping at home. You never stay out late anymore, and if you absolutely must you never travel home. You'll find somewhere to stay for the night, even if that means coughing up the funds for a one-night stay at a hotel. Even doing things during the day is frightening. You fear Floyd might pop out of nowhere and it'll be over for you. And you're constantly checking the news every day to see if there are any updates regarding the search for him. He's dangerous and hostile; surely they'll catch him. Surely they'll find him soon. Right?

You've finished writing the article and you've sent it to your editor for their perusal, but somehow you feel like it's better off remaining unpublished. You worry Floyd might see it if he happens to have access to the internet, and if he reads it and doesn't like what you've written... You shudder to think about what he can and will do to you if he ever catches you. He'd been so intent on marrying you when you met with him during interviews, shamelessly sharing all sorts of fantasies he's thought up involving you. Some were violent and criminal. Others were lewd and gross. Some were oddly...soft? Domestic? Sweet? Regardless, every fantasy of his was creepy when spoken in that lazy drawl. The one that crawls up your spine and settles into your bone marrow. Even now, you can hear how he'd pronounce 'Shrimpy' so perfectly, drawing out each letter with a toothy grin.

Weeks become months. No progress has been made on the search. It's as if Floyd's vanished, and that doesn't sit right with you. It's getting harder to go outside, to meet people, to stay in touch, to write articles and set up interviews. You feel trapped in your house but, most of all, in your own skin. Floyd's still out there. You're reminded of that fact when you watch the news or are asked for details from colleagues or even the police, all of them wondering where you think he might be because, in their words, "You know him better than we do." And that's true to an extent. You do know Floyd; you've interviewed him, read the official criminal psychology report that dissected and diagnosed him, and have penned an entire journal's worth of notes about his personality, his likes and dislikes, his interests and hobbies, and so on. But you can never put yourself in the shoes of a killer, and so it's impossible to predict where he might be.

You think you might be going insane because you're certain you're misplacing things out of fear, rearranging them out of some anxious habit, and eating more from your fridge and pantry because you're trying to cope with the stress. When shadows take the shape of Floyd, you have to blink hard and remind yourself that, while he's childish and impulsive most of the time, he isn't a fool. He wouldn't break into your house so suddenly. He's smart, even if he pretends like he isn't. He must be if he's been able to evade capture for this long.

But as long as he remains free, you will never be able to rest peacefully. Which is so unfortunate because Floyd wants his Shrimpy to be comfortable! He'll come get you soon. And when he does you'll never have to be scared of anything ever again.

#twisted chit chat #serial killer floyd #i missed writing for the beloved sk floyd <3