#not to sound overly dramatic but I wish more people would mean it when they say that

[twanettee]

#reverse 1999 #necrologist #why? #because I like listening to her lines again and again #when she goes 说吧我在听 #您的愿望是……？ #not to sound overly dramatic but I wish more people would mean it when they say that #they’re listening #and when she apologises when she attacks #I think she’s very cute #she doesn’t seem like someone who’d enjoy all those battles #she also seems a bit lonely #like that line where she asks for someone to chat with her because she hasn’t chatted with a live person in a while #overall I like listening to her #I also like the one where she talks about the future being the same #I also like bkornblume’s lines #maybe I’ll draw her next #thank you for tuning in to your daily dose of rambles on random fixations #oh #fanart #digital art

[nancypullen]

The Word

I have thought way too much about what word I want to use for inspiration in 2024. I narrowed it down to two words that spoke to me on many levels.

The first word was freedom. It means a million different things to me - freedom from the expectations of others, freedom from roles I have played for decades, freedom to choose differently, freedom to pursue dreams, financial freedom, freedom to speak my mind, etc. As much as I like the idea behind it, it just wasn't the right fit. I mean, honestly, I already have the freedom to do any of those things, but I've held myself back in so many areas. I'm sixty and the clock is ticking, which led me to the word I eventually chose...

Power is my word for 2024. Oh, I'm the last person you'd look at and think of the word power. I'm a pink, fluffy, Grancy-looking, girly sort. I'm big-eyed and round-cheeked and I giggle. But every single one of us has power. Do we always use it? Nope. Should we? Absolutely. This year I am going to call upon the power of my life experience, the power of my meager talents, the power of my own voice, the power of what I know to be right for me, and improve my life. I'm the only one who can. I've used inner strength so often in the past, it has gotten me through some very tough times - but I was always doing it for my boys. It was the thought of improving their lives that drove me. When you're 30-ish it feels like you have all the time in the world to chase your dreams and get things right. Sixty hits differently. I'm probably in the last third of my life, and any dreams I still have had better be addressed sooner rather than later. Someday is now, and I'm the only person on Earth with the power to make it happen. No one is going to knock on the door and offer to grant my wishes. I have to use the power of my intellect, the power of my talents, and the power of the pioneer DNA humming in my body to make this life what I want. Does that sound overly dramatic? It's not mean to. I should probably have provided background on my lifetime of people pleasing and compromising to explain why the word power is meaningful. Oh, don't get me wrong, I still want to make people happy, and I'm still a huge fan of compromise and finding common ground. I was the baby in my family and my role was peacemaker, pleaser, and jester - keep it happy! Then I became a young bride and mother and my role immediately became a supporting one. I don't regret one minute of any of it. Look at the wonderful people that I get to love! But a lifetime of never using your power for your own benefit becomes a habit that is hard to break. I'm not reclaiming it, I've never used it! I don't even know how to use it. I do have some ideas though. I think it starts with honesty, with myself and others. There is power in truth. I think you can be honest and kind at the same time. Another factor in using my power is being my own friend. I'm a huge cheerleader where my friends are concerned, I'd never let them belittle their talents or accomplishments. I would encourage them to dream big. When others compliment me I tend to brush it off as something they feel obligated to say. In other words, I never believe it (I know, not very nice of me). But if I start saying it to myself, if I admit when I think a piece of art is good, or a story is well written - not boastfully, but in more of a I-think-I-got-it-right way, there's a seed of power in that and it just might grow into confidence. I could go on and on, but this is starting to feel like a therapy session that you didn't request. Hopefully you understand what I mean when I say that I'm choosing POWER in 2024. I'm hoping to feel like I've never felt before. I'm hoping to realize what I'm capable of, and maybe even see a dream or two come true. If not now, when??

I'm slapping that picture on my desk as a reminder that I'm the only one with the power to make any of it happen. I hope that this time next year I'm writing about what a wonderful year it was and how much I learned. Here's to you, dear friends. I hope that you're entering this new year ready to decorate it with your best efforts. Be good to yourselves. Stay safe, stay well. XOXO, Nancy

[heliads]

I would love Derek Hale with prompt 10 please!

there are so many derek hale requests for this event. i mean i love it but i have to say i was not expecting it

masterlist

Derek Hale has gotten himself into trouble. Again.

He would like to point out that this isn’t entirely his fault, except for the fact that it kind of is. Derek was just trying to mind his own business as a werewolf in a town that strictly hates his type, and of course that was invitation enough for someone to try and kill him. Man, he’s sick of this. 

Derek briefly ponders the possibility of packing his bags and trying to move towns again, of starting a new life and watching it slide back to Beacon Hills again. Everyone tries to leave, everyone comes back. Maybe it’s the thrill of having to fight to survive day in and day out that makes a normal day feel worthless, like Derek is only truly living when he’s a few moments from death.

It’s dramatic, certainly, but not entirely wrong. Derek has plenty of time to consider his own strange fascination with death now that he’s so close to it. He had been heading to his apartment late one night when a pickup truck had pulled up alongside him. Derek had just enough time to see that it was packed with hunters like a clown car before one shot wolfsbane in his face. After that, he was unconscious, so there wasn’t a whole lot of time for free thinking.

Derek woke up about half an hour ago. His head is still reeling from the wolfsbane. That, and the fact that he’s trapped in some hunter’s dingy basement with his hands chained behind his back. It’s sweltering down here, one rusty fan trying to do the job of thousands. It creaks and whirs somewhere to Derek’s left. He’d almost rather embrace the sheer heat of the place rather than listen to it groan through its cycles for another few hours.

Of course, he’s being ridiculous. If he’s been kidnapped by hunters, Derek has a lot more pain about to come his way than just the irritation of an overly obnoxious ceiling fan. He can already see the instruments of his suffering laid out on a table to his right:  tasers, knives, pliers, and whatnot. He swears the hunters get special pleasure in just reminding him what could happen, all the torture he’s about to experience. All that, and then they go about their day jobs like normal men.

How is that fair, he wants to ask? How is it that these people can spend their nights shooting bows and arrows at teenage kids and young men who can’t seem to shake their own death wish? They can torture and maim like Bond villains, but the second Derek’s eyes start glowing, he’s the monster. It makes no sense, but that’s just the way things have always been. Around here, legacy is all you need to convince someone of the lines to draw.

A sound from across the room; someone coming down the stairs. They must have noticed that he’d woken up by now. This is where it begins, then. He lets his eyes flicker briefly shut, trying to remember what it’s like to stand still with no broken bones, no healing magic racing to sew him shut again.

A bucket of ice cold water splashes against his front. Derek blinks the frigid liquid from his eyes and glares balefully up at the hunter before him.

“I was already awake, you asshole.” He spits.

The hunter just chuckles. “I know. I wanted you to be ready for this.”

Derek grimaces inwardly. “That’s how it’s going to be, then?”

The hunter inclines his head. “You’re a monster, and that’s how we treat vermin around here. We stomp them out.”

“If you’re going to stomp me out,” Derek says cynically, “you might as well just shoot me through the chest and get this over with. You won’t believe a word I say, so just save both of us time.”

The hunter pretends to think about this. “I don’t think so. I won’t be robbed of my fun, not for a killer like you.”

Derek narrows his eyes. “I’m the killer? Out of curiosity, how many members of your family have I murdered in cold blood? Compare that with how much family I’ve lost, you don’t seem like so much of a saint anymore.”

“Shut up,” the hunter hisses, and throws a switch on the panel by his side. Instantly, Derek’s entire body spasms as dozens of volts worth of electricity arc throw him. 

Just as he’s sure he can’t take it anymore, the hunter turns off the shocks and Derek is allowed to hang limply once more, a faint sizzling the only sign that he’d been in such grievous pain. Yet another wonderful afternoon is ahead of him. Derek grits his jaw and readies himself to take it.

Despite his fears, however, Derek won’t be suffering for long. The hunter has barely gotten started before the door creaks open again. Both Derek and the hunter turn to stare quizzically at the door in unison. The hunter looks confused; clearly, he’s the only one who’s supposed to be down here right now.

He shouts out to the resounding quiet. “Who’s there?”

No answer. The hunter shrugs and turns back to Derek. The second his back is turned, Derek sees movement in the shadows, someone slipping away from the door and towards him. Derek can only hear their movements through his supernatural hearing. To someone like the human hunter, there would be nothing at all.

That’s why the mysterious assailant is able to sneak up on the hunter without them ever noticing. Derek sees a flicker of an arm raised, and then something heavy connects with the hunter’s head. The hunter groans in pain and rears around to face a young woman standing behind him. She greets him with a punch to the head, and judging by the snap of bone that ripples throughout the room, she’s broken his nose.

A few more hits and the hunter is done for the count. Derek whistles under his breath as the other man falls gracelessly to the ground, taking out a stack of folding chairs while he’s at it. Derek has no idea who this young woman is, but she’s clearly qualified. The hunters are good fighters, and the fact that she was able to take out this one so quickly is pretty impressive.

“Wow,” he whispers, “I don’t think I’ve ever admired someone more than I do right now.”

The young woman snorts. “What, I show up to stop you from getting tortured and it’s the best thing you’ve ever seen? You should really up your standards.”

She grins at him as she undoes his restraints. Derek rotates his wrists, trying to encourage at least a little circulation back into his screaming skin, and takes the advantage of these extra moments to try and get a better glimpse of his savior.

“Who are you?” He asks.

She glances up from where she’s tying up the hunter. “Y/N L/N.”

Derek frowns. “L/N. I’ve heard that name before.”

Y/N nods. “I’m a friend of Allison Argent. She and I go way back. When we found out our families were hunters, we defected together. Allison’s been like a younger sister to me for a while, I was glad to hear that she got out.”

Derek’s brow furrows. “So you’re a hunter?”

“Ex hunter,” she clarifies, “I had a conscience problem when it came down to killing random people all because they received the bite, so the family lifestyle didn’t really suit me anymore. I’m sure you can understand.”

“I definitely can,” Derek says, and is surprised to find himself smiling.

Y/N seems surprised as well. “You know, before I left they warned me that you were a total grouch. Looks like I don’t have that much to be worried about.”

Derek considers defending his right to be grouchy due to the prevalence of hunters in his hometown, but before he can aptly summon up the words, Y/N is gesturing towards the door.

“Come on, most of the hunters have left the house for the afternoon. If we leave now, we should be able to avoid them and get out of here.”

Getting out sounds like a fantastic plan to Derek, so he follows her without another word. They head out of the basement and up into the main floor of the house. From there, it’s a matter of navigating the twisting halls until they reach the door.

Derek and Y/N have a close call in which they almost stumble into a room filled with three hunters, but Derek hears their murmurs just soon enough to pull Y/N back before she walks inside. They wait for a second, pressed up against the wall, hearts pounding, before they judge the coast to be clear and head on.

Y/N’s car is parked around the block, and they drive back to Scott McCall’s house. Apparently there was a whole plan to break Derek out, which he has to admit he appreciates. He makes sure to thank Y/N once they get inside safely, something which surprises almost everyone there.

The rest of the pack is gathered inside, Lydia and Kira researching nearby packs while Scott and Stiles discuss further options for freeing Derek if today’s plot hadn’t worked. They all fall silent when Derek and Y/N walk inside.

Scott looks up with a grateful smile. “Glad to see you both. We were worried there would be more of an altercation, did everything go alright?”

Derek nods. “Y/N was great back there. She took out the hunter interrogating me in about thirty seconds.”

Stiles blinks doubtfully up at Derek. “Was that a compliment? Y/N, are you sure you actually grabbed Derek and not his more friendly identical twin?”

Derek flashes the boy a cold stare. “I am capable of being nice, Stiles. I just don’t want to do it to you.”

Y/N coughs to hide a laugh. “It all went well, don’t worry about that. Plus, we now know how to get in and out of that house if need be. All in all, a pretty successful venture.”

Scott nods. “That’s good to hear. I think we’re all free to go if we don’t have anything else to bring up.”

Derek takes that as his cue to head home. Y/N walks out with him, and they end up talking by her car for a while longer. Derek can’t say that he minds the extra chance to get to know her.

“So,” he says, “you’re Allison’s friend, but I don’t think I’ve seen you around before. I would remember someone like you.”

Did he say that out loud? Derek is instantly hit by a very severe bout of regret, but it all washes away when Y/N beams at him.

“No, I’ve been mainly helping out on the sidelines,” she says, “Makes it easier to have a spy on the inside if no one really associates me with the rest of you.”

“You’re always welcome to drop by whenever you want,” Derek mentions as casually as he can, “We could definitely use your help in the future. It’s always good to have some reinforcements, you know? Stiles is definitely more of a talker than a fighter, so I’d be glad to have you on my side.”

Y/N laughs. “Stiles is certainly brains not brawn, although I think his sarcasm could be used as a weapon if he so desired. I’d love to be more active in your pack, though. You guys seem like a really good bunch.”

“So you liked what you saw?” Derek asks teasingly.

Y/N responds in the same form. “You could say that. Maybe I liked one of you more than the rest.”

Derek decides to take a risk. “If that’s true, maybe I could help you out with getting to know that someone. I can give you my number.”

“I think I’d like that quite a bit,” Y/N smiles, and rummages in her bag to grab her phone.

They talk for a while longer before Y/N gets in her car and leaves. Derek is left standing on the sidewalk, watching her drive away and wondering how he could possibly get so lucky.

teen wolf tag list: @thatfangirl42, @rogueanschel, @lovesanimals0000, @rafecameronswhore, @bellabadacadabra, @watchreadfangirlrepeat, @23victoria

#5k celebration #derek hale #derek hale imagines #derek hale x reader #derek hale oneshot #teen wolf #teen wolf imagines #teen wolf x reader #teen wolf oneshot #teen wolf derek #teen wolf derek imagines #teen wolf derek x reader #teen wolf derek oneshot

[misamzy]

everything i hate about myself

i hate my eyes. my stomach. my thighs. my hair. i hate that im a picky eater. i hate that my family sees me as someone to pick on and its “ok”. i hate that im shaky in every situation outside of my room. i hate my voice. i hate my laugh. i hate that im quiet. i hate that im so nice. just once i want to be mean and not feel awful about it right after. i hate that i cant solve all my family’s problems, and i cant always be there to help my brother. i hate that i hate thunderstorms. it makes me feel weak. i hate how much i overthink myself into a panic attack and i hate when i cant get out of it myself. i hate that im clingy. i hate that i always think my friends. i hate that i cant seem to let go of the past. i hate that im loud when im comfortable. i hate that all of my friends live out of state. i hate that i cant speak up when im with my family and theyre being overly critical of everything. i hate that no one in my family knows when to shut up. i hate when i get overly excited and dont realize how loud i am till someone says “why are you so loud?” i hate that im dramatic. i hate when i tell a story i think is funny but no one laughs. i hate that when my social battery runs out i go quiet. i hate when im tired of people and i seem bitter and cold and people get offended that i dont want to talk to them. i hate that im not as far along in school as mom wants me to be. i feel so unimpressive when people my age who im friends with are getting into college or graduating college or high school. getting married. getting good jobs. getting a car. moving out of home. and i hate that i cant do any of that. i hate that i cant even clean my room. i hate that i notice things about people. i hate that im shy. i hate my horrible sense of humor. hardly anyone gets it. i hate that i always remember so much about people because it scares them sometimes. i hate that i suddenly wasnt good enough for several people i thought the world of. i hate that i cant be there to help my favorite people when theyre sad or in pain. i wish teleportation was real. i hate that i sound like my mom. i hate that i look like her. i hate that i have the voice of mom and the temper of dad. i hate that i cant protect my brother from mom and the family. i hate that i would do anything for some people even if they wouldnt do the same for me. i hate when i forget peoples birthdays. i hate that i always apologize when i dont need to. i hate that im not nearly as pretty as all my friends. theyre all so gorgeous and handsome and i wish i looked like them. im tired of being me, i would give absolutely anything for a hug right now. the thing i hate more than anything, however, is i hate that i hate myself. i want to be ok being me. 

#i hate myself but i stay quiet so i can help my people love themselves #i hope my friends dont see this #i also kinda hope my boyfriend doesnt see this #if you see this please still love me

[let-it-show]

Oh I Just Can’t Wait (To Be Queen)

So it’s been a while since I did one of these song prompts! But look, I got something written! ~*~ No one saying do this  -Now when I said that No one saying be there No one saying stop that No one saying see here  -Now see here! From The Lion King "We aren't supposed to be up right now," Elsa uttered quietly from the doorway to the dining hall. She held her little braid in her small hands, feeling somewhat nervous. She'd never gotten in trouble for staying up late herself, primarily because if she did so it was for a good reason. If she had a nightmare or felt sick, she went to her parents or sometimes Anna. Anna...

Anna, on the other hand, got scolded for running out of her room after bedtime, hurrying up and down the stairs and crashing into things. Her misbehaving was overly energetic. She often dragged Elsa with her - but with Elsa she was a little more stealthy, which was somewhat of a surprise.

Elsa had no idea what time it was, just that it was incredibly late due to the minimum amount of guards and no noise in the castle. Anna had jumped on her in the bed, then thrown a doll at her, THEN licked her finger and stuck it in Elsa's ear. That worked effectively. So, there they were for no reason in the very dimly lit room. Even that late, lanterns were all over the castle. Elsa didn't know why but having daughters who didn't always sleep through the night probably played into it.

The reason became clear quickly. "But I want desserts!" Anna whined, pointing to a very high cabinet in the room. On top was a little box of chocolates, stored out of reach from anyone who wished to steal them and certainly away from Anna. Sometimes their parents tried to trick them by storing sweets somewhere slightly off, not in the kitchen.

Despite Anna's whining, Elsa stayed right where she was. She knew what her little sister wanted her to do and while she would do anything to please her, she wasn't always interested in being a naughty thief. Instead she just narrowed her eyes a little, let go of her braid, and crossed her arms. "Anna, no."

"Whyyyy!?" Anna dropped her arms dramatically and dragged herself toward Elsa, her little green slippers scuffing against the floor.

"We'll get in trouble!" Elsa hissed, holding her hand out for her little sister's. She preferred to be close with her, always.

Anna took her hand. "So? Someday you're gonna be the queen, so just say that since you're future queen, we're not in trouble." Anna straightened up then, looking proud of her logic.

In a way that made sense...but Elsa decided to fight it anyway, because she knew they were misbehaving. "That won't work," she stated firmly, because Mama and Papa wouldn't be happy. "It's not even our chocolate!"

"But the future queen should be able to have any chocolate she wants!" Anna declared, raising their hands AND her voice.

Elsa panicked briefly as some ice popped up around her feet. "Ssshh, Anna ssshh! That's not right, I can't just take from people because I'm the queen!"

"Yea you can!"

"What if I took your favorite doll, froze her in an ice block, and threw her in the fjord?" Elsa asked, stomping her foot and making more ice.

Anna gasped. "That's so mean! You would do that?"

"No..." Elsa immediately felt bad. She would never take anything of Anna's and hurt it. She tugged Anna closer and hugged her, feeling her own little body relax. She loved her little sister more than anything. "But if someone did you would be very upset. So I'm not making stairs and helping you take the chocolate."

"Mmmm..." Anna was working it out, her small hands clasping tightly to Elsa's blue nightgown. "Okay...I guess..."

"I'm gonna be a really good queen Anna and give everyone everything they want," she decided. "Then, they won't ever think they have to take from other people."

"Oh." Anna danced her fingers over Elsa's back. "That sounds nice. But queens should get extra...somethings."

Elsa giggled. Anna was adorable. She loosened her grip and stepped back, both her hands on Anna's arms. "No bedtimes," she whispered, watching Anna's eyes light up. "For dinner, whatever we want. We can have cake for dinner. Or even for breakfast!"

Anna bounced on her heels. "Can I have a pony?"

"You HAVE a pony!"

"...Can I have another pony?"

"Yes!" Elsa answered loudly. She immediately and sheepishly slapped a hand over her mouth. "Oooops," she whispered.

"You're gonna be such a good queen Elsa!" Anna told her, looking at her with wonder. "But Mama is always working on papers and stuff. I hope you don't have to. That doesn't sound like fun!"

Elsa tilted her head. "Won't you help me?"

"Huh?" Anna tilted her head too.

"We're sisters and you're my best friend! You can help me be queen right?" Elsa bit her lip because what she was asking was huge, it was BIG. It was bigger than the sky above them, to ask that Anna help her do all the queen things, because she saw how much their mother worked.

Anna was at her side all the time. They were rarely apart and when they were, Elsa missed her oh so much - she had little memory of the time before Anna was born, and she wasn't sure her short life even started before then.

"Am I allowed to do that? Would Mama and Papa say yes?"

Elsa blinked. "But...I'll be queen. If I say you can, then you can. Please?" She couldn't imagine being queen without Anna.

In response, Anna grinned at her and practically jumped on her, squishing her in a second hug. "I love you Elsa! Someday I'm gonna marry you!"

"Silly, you can't marry me, I'm your sister!" Elsa laughed, again letting the volume get a bit out of control. She didn't care though. She loved Anna enough to marry her too - probably.

It was fair to say she didn't know what marriage was. She had attended a couple of royal weddings and she knew there was cake and dancing and drinks she wasn't allowed to touch. When she and Anna were sent to bed, they snuck back out each time to see the adults laughing loudly and dancing even more, but they moved in strange ways and always had the drinks in their hands.

All in all, getting married meant a party with people who loved each other saying it a lot, right?

Maybe they could have a wedding, but it wouldn't be so weird and they would have hot chocolate for everyone! That was something to do when she was the queen though.

"I can't wait!" Anna squeaked out. "We're gonna be able to eat chocolate all the time! And we're gonna play soooo much!"

"Maybe, but Mama never has a lot of time to play," Elsa pointed out.

That was when Anna let go and looked her in the eye. "That's cause Mama's just one queen. We'll be almost two queens if I help! Then we can play snowman tag and you can teach me to skate!"

That was kind of true, wasn't it? Elsa hadn't thought of it that way. "You're so smart!" she blurted, but it was true. Anna was chaos, but she was a sharp little girl and often impressed Elsa. Her words gave Elsa a new goal, too - from then on, as she learned from their mother, she'd help her too!

She'd help her so much that they would get to spend more and more time together. Elsa loved when she and Anna got to cuddle with her, and even more so when she sang to them. Elsa adored having someone sing to her, and sometimes she herself sang to Anna.

"Come on, let's go make snow!" Anna chirped, taking Elsa's hand. She tugged gently, but with insistence as she pulled her along to go for the Great Hall.

Elsa happily went along with her. She was beyond excited for the future of her family, and the day when she would take the throne with Anna at her side.

#Frozen #ficlet #Elsa #Anna #Disney Song Prompt

[ginzburgjake]

05.06.22

I start this to give my thoughts a form and lock them in a shape that enables comprehension and clarity. I don’t intend to bore my friends with this nonsense, and I write this, first and foremost, for myself. 

I think that education is a big scam. I think that one shouldn’t take a loan of thousands of dollars (or pounds, because I live in London now) when there’s no telling if they will be able to return it. It means trapping a desperate broke college student in a cage of debt and obligations, not giving them a moment of peace afterwards. I don’t want to do this, yet I feel like it’s my responsibility to invest in the future that I may not even want at all by the time I graduate. The deadline is coming in four days, and any other option of free education isn’t compatible with my current timeline, or my needs, or something – there is always something. 

I hate being pressured into anything, but any alternate course of action is too risky, unsafe, undetermined. I’m pragmatic to the core and like to think of myself as a realist, pessimist and cynic. I won’t pick a decision to mimic or please others, but I will execute a sensible plan that might bring a stable income over relaxation and purposelessness. 

I am so tired. I filled a questionnaire about six weeks ago, and someone from my GP surgery called me to say that I have “low mood”. I asked whether it meant the same as depression – spoiler, yes, it did. I was recommended a free therapy course. There were three sessions so far, every Thursday. It doesn’t help really, and it took a lot out of me to ask for help in the beginning, so I’m not certain whether I want to try again or if I even wish to be helped. I am a realistic cynic, as I mentioned. It makes sense for me to feel hopeless, because I am on the verge of owning about one hundred thousand pounds for four years of college, I can’t afford transition and surgery, and I don’t have any special talents that aren’t merely above average. It’s logical to not be particularly thrilled at the oncoming prospects, it’s logical to assume that my place in the world isn’t going to be a noticeable one.

I’m not even sad most of the time. I am neutral, although I can descend into self-pity and deprecation, and even jealousy, which doesn’t exactly look good on anyone. I am often empty, and I know that I am not alone in this sensation. I am under no illusions that I am a unique case, or people won’t understand me, but I am disconnected from society on a level that I can barely comprehend. I am not alone, and I know that I am important to someone – baffling as it is for me – but, strictly speaking, I simply can’t justify my own right to live or be happy to my overly critical mind. Because I don’t have any objective outstanding accomplishments, nor am I determined to bend rivers in order to fulfil my dreams – at least, not anymore. 

It was hard making friends as a kid, and most of them didn’t tend to stick around, so I am partially convinced that self-isolation is one of my inborn characteristics. It might sound a bit dramatic when I say that I won’t leave an impact and it pains me to realise that I am truly nothing special, but that is what I believe, and any belief of mine is usually based on sufficient enough evidence. I am coming to terms with a concept of my disappearing – which isn’t about death, cold and painful; rather, it’s about fading into the background, slowly detaching pieces of myself from reality, until there won’t be anything left to suggest that I ever were. I think they call it “suicidal ideation”, or whatnot. I like to think of it more as stepping away to glance at the full picture. 

I am afraid of pain. I don’t have plans of physically harming myself. Still, I occasionally wish I could go to sleep and the world would. 

Just. 

Stop.

…

#thoughts #personal diary #myself #writing #long reads #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #mental health

[freedpheonix]

So Many Signs

I should have listened. I should have listened to my mother and other friends and family when they told me they didn't like him and something wasn't right with him. Instead, I got overly defensive. Growing up I always thought my mom was "judgy" about other people, but now that I'm an adult with my own kids I know she was ALWAYS right. I wish I'd listened.

He made me believe he was truly a victim. That he was a good person and people just judged him for no reason and that he'd had a hard life. He convinced me his dad was controlling and mean and everyone was out to get him. I thought I could make it better. I thought I was a good person for seeing the light in the dark. It ended up just being the devil holding the torch to guide me to Hell.... Sounds so dramatic, but it's true. I got sucked in, despite all the signs, despite my gut feeling and my brain telling me it was wrong. The toxic dance of an empath and a narcissist.

We weren't together long and I had to move out of my apartment and in with my grandparents. They lived over an hour away from him and our relationship turned long-distance. I gradually heard from him less-and-less. He always had excuses why he couldn't visit me. Always blamed his father for not allowing him to come out, made up fake car problems, and more. He visited once every 2-3 months. He would say he was on his way out in the morning and not show up until 8 o'clock at night or later. Kept making up excuses about errands and stuff that kept him late. By the time he got there, he'd sit on the couch and nod out in front of everyone from the Methadone, then he had to leave in the early morning so he would make it in time for his next dose. I genuinely don't know what I was thinking back then. I felt out-of-control and constant anxiety about the relationship. I knew in my gut he was cheating with others but couldn't prove it. Then came the day I found out he changed his Facebook status to "single" after I hadn't heard from him for a week. He didn't say a word to me. Just started seeing someone else. Turned out, she was in her late thirties. She was almost 17 years older than him. I was devastated. A week later, I found out I was pregnant. I messaged and told him and his mother ended up messaging me about it. Then he started to threaten me, he said he wished I was dead and I was fat and ugly. He said a lot of disgusting things to me. He said when he saw me he was going to slit my throat and make sure there was no baby. There were a lot of nasty things said by he and his mother. I had to just avoid him and prepare to be a young, single mom of two. Weeks went by and I didn't have anything to do with him. I'd blocked him on social media and deleted his number. One day, out of the blue, he messaged me asking when he could see me to give me back some of movies. I was just starting to feel better and was happy with him out of sight, out of mind. It's like a radar went off that I was losing interest. I ignored that message, instead I got in touch with his mom about getting the rest of my stuff back. Again he messaged me asking why I talked to his mom and not him. He played innocent, saying I could still talk to him. I continued to ignore him. I focused on me and my daughter and trying to heal and grow... He kept texting randomly a hi here or there. One day he messaged me saying how sorry he was and how much he missed me. He said all the right things and I answered him back pretending to be indifferent. He feigned hurt. Me responding to him allowed him to work his way back in, and I thought things would be better. Hahaha. Ah. I really thought it would be better...

It was a few days later it was his birthday. He was acting distant again. Ignoring my messages, making up excuses about him being busy. He hadn't made any effort to visit me and we still weren't officially back together. He had added me back on Facebook and I was scrolling through my timeline and guess what I happened upon... lol he was "in a relationship" with that older woman. After sucking me back in and telling me we were getting back together. Again, I was blindsided. Deep in my gut, I knew he was still being shady but being the king manipulator he was he kept me where he wanted me. Before I confronted him, I sent her a message telling her what happened, how he said he was getting back with me all the while being with her and that I was pregnant. Next thing I knew, he was sending me angry and cruel messages about how I'm psychotic and he was never getting back with me again because I ruined his f***ing birthday. I was stupid, I was a liar, I was a psycho wh*re. It was all my fault that he wasn't going to talk to me again, etc... Again, he messed up and I was made to feel like I caused the problem. I knew it wasn't my fault and yet my brain still made me feel like it was.

I went back to getting used to the idea of being a single mom of two again. Got refocused, and started doing better. A little over a month goes by and I was healing. Here he comes again out of the blue asking how we are doing. I ignored him more, he messaged again. It's like the more I ignored him, the more of a challenge it was for him and he tried harder. I made the mistake of responding. Tried to act indifferent, like I didn't care. He tried harder. And thus, I got sucked in again with that apology. All the words he knew I wanted to hear. What an idiot.

At this point, I was starting to get spotting. A little bit, it wasn't much so I didn't think anything of it because I'd had some with my first daughter and she was born healthy. I went to go visit with my daughters family who had become my family. He didn't like that I was close with them despite all they'd done for me over the years. It wasn't about my daughter's father, we had really become family. He didn't see it that way. He came to pick me up and take me to stay at his father's while his father wasn't there. I had to leave before his father got home. He said he didn't want his dad to ask questions after all the drama between us and that he wanted to break it to his parents slowly that we were back together. Part of me agreed.

My grampy came to pick me up and bring me back home. The bleeding was starting to be slightly more than spotting but still wasn't a lot so I prayed and hoped it was nothing. Later that evening, I was sitting at the kitchen table with my Nana, cousin, and cousins boyfriend. I bent over to pet the dog and the blood just gushed out of me. It was like you see in the movies, and was horrifying for me. My grandmother helped me clean up and her and grampy brought me to the ER. It was confirmed, I'd had a miscarriage. I'd had a miscarriage when I was younger, before my first daughter. It was nothing like that one. It was worse. Maybe because this time I was 11 weeks and the first time I was only about 8 weeks along. Either way, it really depressed me. I didn't get pregnant on purpose, but once I was pregnant I was hoping it would help change him and make him better. When I told him what happened all he said was he was sorry. Didn't try to comfort me, didn't take it serious. He didn't even seem sad, I have no doubt he was relieved. And that realization hurt more..

Like I said before, looking back I feel so stupid. If my daughters were in this type of situation I'd be so upset and do everything to protect them. Granted I defended him, no one knew the true darkness because I loved him and it was humiliating for me. There's a true psychological explanation for this behavior but I can't help but feel like I could have done better for myself no matter how well it can be explained scientifically. It literally changes the hippocampus and amygdala parts of your brain. I know that, but I still feel guilt for not being "smarter." Even though I'm healthy now and have a good life and learned a HUGE lesson from this, I'm not sure that guilt will ever go away..

Stayed tuned, this is just barely beginning.

#empathandthenarcissist #abuse survivor #it gets better #narcissistic abuse

[kuroosweakness]

kiss kiss | sakusa kiyoomi <3 

this is the my favorite sakusa mini fic i’ve written yet :)) and my longest work! over 2000 words! 

“i don’t think i’ll ever understand the concept of kissing,” sakusa mumbles to komori as he leans down to tie his shoes. his shoes are already tied, but he needs to do something to hide his face for a couple of seconds. naturally, his curls fall to the sides of his face, just as he expected. 

komori quickly whirls around with a :) and a :0 face combined. “what was that??” he teases and crouches down to see his cousin’s hidden face. 

“i was just sayin’“ sakusa shrugs off. “it’s just people touching lips and sharing saliva. it’s disgusting. why people do it? i’ll never understand.” after dusting off his hands, sakusa gets up from the bench and stands up, having forgotten his tall height and head bumping right into a light. 

sakusa grimaces and rubs his head, trying his best to pretend it didn’t hurt at all. “stupid light,” he grumbles as he walks away. komori watches on, trying his best not to laugh while making a mental note to watch out for the low lights. 

~~~

“komori.” 

“hiya!” komori looks up at his cousin while continuing to stretch out his legs. 

“...have you ever kissed anyone?”

“...like, full on make-out?” komori quietly asks as he makes kissy hands to demonstrate. sakusa immediately frowns and crouches down. 

“stop making those weird gestures,” sakusa quietly scolds. “it’s embarrassing...” 

“what’s there to be embarrassed about?” komori softly chuckles while nervously scratching the back of his head. “why do you ask?” 

sakusa’s eyes divert away. “...just curious to know.” 

“well....” komori taps his chin in thought. “there’s this one friend i’ve kissed before. but it wasn’t anything too serious...”

sakusa looks at the ground below him, wondering if he should sit his whole butt down or keep crouching. he decides to keep asian-squating. “so how’d you initiate the kiss? like what did you do?” 

“...i think we’re supposed to be practicing receives right now,” komori sheepishly says while pointing at their teammates all practicing. the bump sounds and shoe creaks suddenly becomes audible to sakusa. 

“oh.” and with that, sakusa gets up and walks toward the pile of volleyballs. 

~~~

“remember the question i asked you last week?” sakusa breathes through his mask as he and komori jogs down the streets. he’s overly dressed for a jogger, especially in spring. everyone’s surprised he can move so freely in such a heavy jacket. 

“...what..... question?” komori asks, glancing at his cousin before looking back at the road in front of them. 

“you know what question.” 

“...i dont?” komori pants as he slows down his jogging pace. 

“the question....that....made you...do weird hand....gestures” 

“ohhhh the kissing question?” 

sakusa nods and moves to the side to avoid the kids walking toward them. 

“i’ve already told you....i’ve only kissed one person before. say, why’re you curious in my love life?” komori teasingly elbows sakusa as they come to a walking pace. 

sakusa annoyingly elbows him back. “is it so bad i want to know?” 

“it’s just not like you,” komori chuckles. at the sight of a bakery in front of them, his eyes immediately lightens up. “we should go there!!” 

sakusa’s eyes meet where komori’s pointing, then meets komori’s face, wondering if his cousin will share answers if he agrees. “okay. but back to my question about initiating the kiss.” 

“well, you’ll have to find someone you want to kiss first,” komori laughs. “and i don’t think you’ve found that person, judging from the way you always judge couples and bad breath.” 

“don’t be so quick to assume things,” sakusa grumbles under his mask. 

“anywaysss, you kinda have to know that the other person wants to kiss you too, ya’know?” 

“i don’t know,” sakusa dryly says, stating out the obvious. 

“yeah, tell me something i didn’t know,” komori replies and opens the bakery front door. waves of freshly baked bread fill their noses. komori dramatically inhales and exhales. sakusa lowers his mask. a little “ding” rings as the door opens and closes. 

“it’s so warm in here!” komori happily exclaims. “you sure you’re not gonna became toast yourself with that jacket on?” 

sakusa rolls his eyes. 

“back to the kissing topic,” komori starts. “consent is really important! you have to make sure they want to kiss you. and to know, just before kissing, you have to ask.” 

“lower your voice,” blushy-faced sakusa mumbles. “there’s people looking at us weirdly.” 

“not at me weirdly,” komori remarks. “just at you!” 

“i don’t know why i talk to you sometimes.” 

“i’ll pretend i didn’t hear that!” komori happily bounces over to the counter and tells the pretty cashier his order.  “kiyoomi, you want anything?” 

“no, not really.” 

“okay!” komori excitedly accepts his paper bag full of baked goods and eagerly munches into a chocolate croissant. “i was thinking that maybe we can stop and eat for a while” 

komori eating = less judgmental komori. who is he kidding, sakusa knows he himself is the most judgmental person he knows. “okay” 

as sakusa pulls out a seat facing away from the door, a little “ding” rings through the bakery. 

“oh look!” komori munches. “it’s y/n! hi y/n!”

sakusa’s stomach drops. his hands have never felt so clammy and cold before. maybe if he stays completely still, then you won’t notice him. 

“hi y/n!” komori calls again. 

“we’re going home. stop- stop stop stop we’re going home. i need to go home,” sakusa hastily mutters under his breath and gets up so fast, suddenly wishing his mask can cover his whole face. since you’re standing at the doorway, he waits until you walk inside to walk out. 

komori quickly gathers his stuff and says a quick apology to you. “sorry about him! well, we’ll catch ya later!” 

confused, yet unfazed, you give him a little smile and waves back. 

~~~

“so how was it?” 

“...not good,” sakusa’s face and curls fall into his hands. he groans and falls back on the his bed. “anyways, i need to study-” 

“no no no, i need to know!” komori insists. “most people’s first kiss isn’t that great so...you’re not the only one.” 

“how am i even supposed to see them again,” sakusa groans again and squirms around on the bedsheets. “it was so bad. so bad. so so bad. so so sooooo bad-” 

“do you have thoughts about kissing them again??” 

“yes,” he mumbles and swiftly grabs the nearest pillow and hugs it to his chest,  hiding his face in the process. “all the damn time.” 

“then it didn’t go as bad as i thought!” komori exclaims. 

~~~

“so you’re not gonna tell me how it went?” 

“why’re you so nosy???” sakusa scrunches up his nose. 

“you were the one who asked about my first kiss first,” komori defends, pulling back in playful offense. 

“like i said, it wasn’t good.” 

“how was it not good?” 

“the kissing tutorial videos didn’t work.” 

“....you watched kissing tutorials????!!” 

“komori motoya, if you don’t be quiet i swear-” 

“did they at least want to kiss you?” 

“...i don’t even know if we’re...together. this is so embarrassing. i was too impatient. i shouldn’t have. i rushed things. they didn’t even tell me they like me. what if they just went along with it and didn’t actually want-”

“i think you’re overthinking too much...” 

“can we just walk to school in silence?” 

“after you tell me first! i can give advice!” 

“i nearly missed their lips. and i froze up when we actually made contact. i was stiff. i couldn’t move. plus my mask shifted upward and completely interrupted us, which i’m kinda thankful for.”

komori stifles a laugh. “so...what’re you gonna do for your second one?” 

~~~

“i saw them with his stupid, ugly guy who if you put his teeth next to a beaver’s, no one would be able to tell the difference.” 

“....we all know you’re not the nicest person, but isn’t that a little mean..and a bit of an exaggeration?” komori chuckles and shifts his foot inside his volleyball shoes. 

“they have poor, poor taste in men.” 

“well...they did kiss you once...” 

“i don’t know anymore,” sakusa sighs. “i need to just focus on volleyball.” 

~~~

“i hate it here. absolutely hate. it. here.” with a grumble he tosses his clothes on his backpack and pads across the gym to get his water bottle. 

komori side-eyes his cousin. whether or not to ask what he’s talking about, even though he knows exactly what–no, who–he’s talking about. 

“is this volleyball related?” komori asks when sakusa walks back. 

... 

“you’ve never given up anything you’ve set your heart on,” komori kindly reminds him. “so why’re you giving up now?” 

“because all the things i’ve done, i was in completely control of” sakusa swings his backpack over his shoulder. “i can’t control other people’s feelings....nor do i want to.” 

“did something bad happen?” komori dashes to catch with his cousin, and the tea. 

“guess who i saw them with again? beaver guy.” 

“i heard they’re just classmates though,” komori gently reminds sakusa, hoping it’ll somewhat clear his senses. he jogs toward a mini puddle and jumps right into it. sakusa grimaces at the water splashes. 

“it doesn’t matter. i don’t care about them anymore. they can have beaver guy so they want. i’m one of the best volleyball players in the country, and i’m ...somewhat good looking, and i’m tall...their loss.” 

komori searches for more puddles. 

“is it because of my personality?” sakusa quietly says. when he sees his cousins jumping into more puddles, he rolls his eyes. “komori, i’m being serious here” 

“when are you not?” komori calls back. he jogs back to sakusa and says, “what makes you think it’s your personality?” 

“well....let’s not talk about it.” 

“...” komori glares at him. 

“well....they’re all smiles around other people and like :/ around me. and y’know, my cleanliness. not that i would change for anyone, but i’m just sayin’” 

“if they really liked you then, you wouldn’t want you to change. although, you can be nicer sometimes....just a little” komori cheekily says. 

“...you’re right,” sakusa sighs. 

~~~

“update: beaver guy’s no longer in their life. he tried to make a move on them and they didn’t like it so they cut him out of their life.” 

“wait whaaat? it’s been days since you last talked about y/n. what-” 

“can you not say their name so loud???” 

“so beaver guy pulled a move on them?” 

“yes. and they cut him off because he took advantage of their niceness.” 

“...” 

“so technically what happened to beaver guy also happened to me.” 

komori shakes his head. “y/n hasn’t cut you out of their life....they still talk to you sometimes! and even asked if you wanted to walk home, which you-” 

he points an accusing finger at sakusa. “which you said no to >:(” 

“don’t point, it’s rude.” sakusa looks away. 

“what’d you say no???” 

“i didn’t want to appear desperate.” 

~~~

“so...how long are you gonna stare at the ceiling? we’re supposed to be doing measurements right now.” 

“oh sorry,” sakusa slightly bows down and quietly adds, “i walked them home yesterday.” 

komori loudly gasps, which he apologizes for when everyone turns to look at him. “whaaat,” he whispers. “what happened?” 

“i walked them home and then walked myself home, that’s what happened.” 

“you’ve gotta be kidding me. give the details!”

“there’s nothing too important that happened. other than my confession.” 

._. “and you’re saying nothing important happened??” 

“turns out they like...me...too” sakusa stutters. his ears are bright red. “i feel like i’m gonna throw up.” sakusa’s hands presses against his stomach.

“the good kinda throw up?” 

“there’s no such thing as a ‘good throw up’“ sakusa barks back. 

~~~

“y/n looked really happy and cheerful today and so do you...which i thought i’d never see...” 

normally, sakusa would jab his cousin if he heard that, but today, he chooses to ignore it. 

“so what’s going on??” 

“nothing much. just some kissing,” sakusa says. his whole face is glowing. 

“remember when you said kissing was gross?” 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” sakusa brushes off. “and you better not tell y/n i think they’re gross when i clearly don’t >:(” 

~~~ 

“hand-holding huhhhh?” 

“their hands were cold, that’s why.” 

“why am i so invested in your relationship,” komori softly chuckles to himself. “y’all are cute.” 

“it does feel nice to have someone to talk to about these things,” sakusa quietly says. komori pulls back in surprise. 

“well, i’ll always be here for ya! but don’t you dare try rubbing your relationship in my face.” 

“i’d never. i know what it’s like to be single.” 

“???? that’s the most non-sympathetic thing i’ve ever heard! obviously, everyone knows what it feels like to be single” komori rolls his eyes. 

~~~

“people are saying y/n’s dating me for my money.” 

“ignore them >:(” 

“people keep saying that y/n probably get no action and that i don’t even touch them.” 

“like i said, ignore those stupid people” 

“i wish it can be that easy,” sakusa sighs. 

~~~

“i’ve lost track of how many times i’ve kissed them.” 

komori jokingly pulls back in disgust. “no one keeps track, dummy.” 

“i’d say about 43 times” 

~~~

and now sakusa kisses you like he’s a starved man who hasn’t eaten in days 😐 basically, engulfing you. long, passionate kisses that gets your heart pounding every time. 

and that’s it for now :)) tell me what you think! <3

#sakusa x reader #haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu fluff #sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #komori motoya #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #hq x you #sakusa x you #sakusa x y/n #lia drabbles

[dreamescapeswriting]

Under The Table ~ LF [M] [Request]

WORD COUNT: 3.4K

GENRE: Smut, fluffy, teasing, use of names “cock whore,” oral both F and M receiving, cream pie, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it people) 

PAIRING: Lee Felix x Fem!Reader 

The dorms were unusually quiet when you walked through the door, your boyfriend was sitting on the sofa concentrating on a game while you could hear mumblings coming from the kitchen. This was as quiet as it could ever be in the dorms considering there were eight men that acted like children living there. You figured the rest of the boys were all doing their own thing while Chan and Hyunjin were cooking was you suspected to be a lovely meal,

"Y/n? Oh, thank god!" You heard a dramatic sigh from Hyunjin as he called out your name, gesturing for you to join him and Chan in the kitchen, Felix looked up from his console and smiled at you. Taking in your appearance as you headed into the kitchen to see what the boys wanted. You were wearing his favourite outfit on you, a black floral dress with your hair just the way he liked it. He knew you'd dressed up for him which made him feel warm inside at the thought of finally getting to see you.

"I need your tasting ability, Chan said it's spicy." You rolled your eyes at the comment of spice coming from the one member who couldn't handle species in the slightest. Chan stared at you with his arms folded across his chest waiting for some kind of sarcastic comment to come since he knew you all too well to know something was coming his way.

"Why do you ask Chan? He can barely handle ginger nut biscuits," You teased, taking a clean spoon from the drawer and trying some of the soup that was bubbling on the stove in front of you. It looked as though it would be a little spicey but nothing that was too much since they all knew how much Chan hated the spice.

"Seems perfectly fine to me Hyunjin, Chan's just a baby." You nudged Chan playfully in the side before leaving to go and join Felix on the sofa ignoring the sarcastic laughter coming from Chan. It had been so long since you and Felix got to hang out together and this was the first time you'd seen him in over two weeks so you were going to take every opportunity to get as close to him as you could, 

"I missed you," You whispered, wrapping your arm around his as you laid your head on his shoulder watching him play on the game you'd gotten him recently for the switch. It turned out he was just as addicted to Stardew Valley as you were, playing it every spare moment that he could. 

"I missed you too," He cooed, saving the game before he wrapped his arm around your shoulder and snuggled together with you, staring down at your dress as he played with the hem. 

"You like it?" It was a stupid question since you knew this happened to be the dress that Felix loved on you, well...loved to rip off of you but who could blame you for wanting to tease him just a little? 

"You know I do," He growled in a low voice so that only you could hear him speaking, the doors to the dorm bedroom's opened and slowly the boys began to appear one by one. Some of them going into the kitchen to sneak a taste of the food while the others came to talk with you. You'd gotten close with each of them over your time with dating Felix, it was as if you were apart of the family. 

"Are you staying tonight?" Jisung asked as he stole the switch from the coffee table in front of you all, earning a death glare from Jeongin who had initially been going to grab it first.

"I wish, I'm up early tomorrow for work and I didn't want to wake anybody up," You pouted, Felix's grip around you tightened as he thought about letting you go later that night. All he really wanted to do was keep you with him longer than he could, just the two of you. As much as he loved the fact that you got along so well with the boys he wished he could have some time with you by himself, the two of you hadn't gotten that in so long. 

"Are you coming back after work?" Felix whispered to you as the boys began talking amongst one another, as you turned to look at Felix you realised how upset he seemed that you would be going home soon after eating but you nodded. 

"If you want me to? I have some time off so I can come over..." He nodded at him, placing a small and quick kiss on your cheek as neither of you was fond of being overly public with your affection for one another not wanting to gross the other boys out or rub it in their faces.

"Sounds perfect to me, I have no practice this weekend," You smiled at the thought of you both waking up in the mornings together, it was normally spent laying in his bottom bunk your head laid on his chest listening to his slow heartbeat while he ran his fingers up and down your back. It was one of the most relaxing ways to wake up beside Felix, not to mention the most romantic if he decided he wanted to sing to you in the mornings. 

"Dinner is served," Your thoughts were interrupted by Hyunjin who was ringing a small bell to announce that everything was ready, Felix tapped your knee and you both raised from the sofa.

The table was spread out beautifully, seats were around the table with place settings and cute napkins laid out. 

"We went a little over the top," Hyunjin chuckled as he pulled out two chairs, one for you and the other for Felix beside one another at the end of the table. This was just supposed to be a cute "we missed you" meal but it looked as though Chan and Hyunjin had prepared a full course meal and the table was decorated for a restaurant.

"Dig in," Chan called out as everyone glanced at one another nervously not knowing if they should start or not, 

"Here," You laughed softly picking up your spoon and showing that the soup was fine to eat and the boys followed along. Even Chan decided to eat some of the soup as he began eating. All of you exchanging conversations about how their week had been going, talking with one another about all of the different things that they had been up to. 

Throughout the meal your hand innocently began to rest on Felix's knee while you spoke with Changbin about some of the songs he'd been working on recently. 

"I've been working on a joke song lately, Chan and I have been blocked," He sighed as he shook his head, Chan immediately laughing as he remembered the day they had spent in the studio creating a joke song together.

"What's it called?" You questioned with a hesitant tone, staring at Changbin who was starting to turn a little red. 

"Can't Live Without You Changbin," He answered making your mouth fall open as you began to giggle softly at the title track, asking him for lyrics as your hand slowly and innocently began to massage Felix's thigh not noticing what you were doing at first. The thing was that one small touch from you sent Felix into a spiral, pining after you as he felt your hand raising higher on his leg but you didn't seem to notice and if you did you were doing a good job at playing dumb. 

"Lix? You okay?" Chan's voice made you turn to look at your boyfriend who was gripping onto his glass of water so tight his knuckles were beginning to turn white and his cheeks were red. 

"Lixie?" Your voice came out almost as innocent as your touch but as soon as you felt Felix's leg twitch you knew what was going on and what was making him like this. 

"Feeling a little light-headed," He lied as he raised the glass to his lips and took a sip but you smirked to yourself. Raising your hand towards the crotch of his pants where you gently ran your fingers over the outline of his cock, just like you thought. He was hard and clearly ready for you which only made you smirk more at the thought of teasing him under the table in front of everybody.

"I'll get you some ice," Seungmin said as he got up from his seat and headed behind you into the freezer. 

"My poor baby," You cooed in Felix's ear, your breath sending shivers down his back and he knew then that you were teasing him.  

"Babe," He hissed to you so that only you could hear him but you ignored him starting to palm him through his trousers as you kissed his cheek softly. Playing innocent around the boys while you were doing something completely opposite out of their line of sight. 

You felt Felix twitch under your touch as you continued to palm him through the denim fabric of his jeans so you rubbed your hand down his thigh giving him a break but it only made him grunt out. 

"I'll get you back," You nodded at him as he whispered into your ear, 

"Not yet, the boys are all here." You stared at him and he glared back at you, wishing he'd never agreed to your deal about not having sex when the boys were at the dorms. 

"What if we had ice c-cream for dessert?" Felix stuttered through his sentence as you began to rub him again but he managed to keep his cool. Locking eyes with Chan as he hoped they would go to the store and buy something for you to share, 

"Ice cream sounds nice," Minho agreed looking at the boys for their opinions. 

"Sure. We could all go for a walk-"

"No! No! I mean-" Felix cleared his throat as he realised how quickly he had cut off Hyunjin and he bit down on his lip. 

"Y/n and I can stay here...We'll do the dishes," Your hands were on the table now, staring at Felix in horror as you realised he was about to get all of the boys out of the house for one reason and one reason alone. Punishment time. 

"If that means I don't have to do the dishes I am completely fine with that," Changbin called out as he rushed up to get his coat and mask hurrying so nobody would change their mind. 

"Amen to that," Jeongin chimed in, following in Changbin's footsteps as he headed for the coat rack at the entrance of the dorms. 

"Dish duty, I'll wash you dry," You told Felix as you began to run hot water from the faucet. Felix let out a dark chuckle as he came up to stand behind you. Grinding against you so you could feel what you had done to him over the course of the last hour under the table. 

"Oh no. We're not doing any dishes, not yet." He bit down on your ear lobe as you let out a shaky breath, 

"W-What if the boys come home and ask why they're not done yet?" Your eyes fluttered closed as Felix continued to kiss and suck down your neck until he reached your shoulder. 

"Then you'll explain something to them. I need you." He growled, running his hand up your thigh, lifting up your dress as you gasped out at the sudden cold air to your core. 

"My dirty girl," He mumbled against your neck spinning you around so suddenly you dropped one of the plastic cups you had been holding.

"Up on the side," You frowned at his words not moving, 

"Why the side?" You questioned, staring at the countertop behind you as he smirked. 

"You're right, food is meant to be eaten at the table." You let out a small squeal as he suddenly picked you up, carrying you over to the kitchen table before laying you down on the hardwood. Grabbing your ankles he pulled you to the edge of the table, putting your feet onto the wood and slowly spreading your legs to expose your clothed core. 

"My dessert," He chuckled, running his thumb over your clit through your underwear. 

"I haven't even touched you yet and look at you, already dripping." You whimpered as he began to pull down your underwear, lifting up your ass so that he could get them off with ease. He let out a small moan as he watched your core closely, licking his lips at the sight of you.

"Fuck, I'm starving." He smirked at you, putting your underwear into his pocket before kissing either of your thighs.

"Mind if I get a taste?" You hated that he was going to take his time with you when you both knew you wanted this to go fast so you could be together before the boys came home. 

"Lixie," You protested as he continued to tease you but he ignored you continuing to kiss your thighs until he reached your core. Blowing cold air onto your clit before smirking wildly at you as you let out small whimpers. 

"Lix." You hissed as he took his time, 

"I need you, don't tease." You moaned out as you locked eyes with him, he smirked sinking down onto his knees in front of you and he ran his tongue through your folds slowly a few times before attaching his lips to your clit. Moaning out in sync with you as he pushed his face deeper against your core, burying himself deep into you. 

"F-Fuck!" You cried out as he moans out against your clit, sending a vibration over your body that made you cry out his name.

"Felix!" You moaned out, running your hands down to his hair and threading your fingers through, begging him not to stop as he began to lap up your juices. Sliding two fingers into you as you cried out his name. Your legs began to shake as you felt yourself getting closer. 

"L-Lix- close," Was all you could manage to muster out as he hummed against your cunt. Dragging his tongue up the length of your clit and humming once again. Your body shook as he continued to do it over and over again, eating you out as if you were the ice cream he'd sent the boys out to get. 

"Felix!" You mewled out shaking your head as you knew you were going to cum but he continued to push against you. Staring up into your eyes as he smirked, 

"Cum." He ordered you, gripping onto your thighs tightly as he continued to pump two fingers into you roughly, curling them up as you moaned out his name. The pleasure exploding inside of you as you threw your head back against the wooden table, screaming out his name as he continued to eat you out prolonging your orgasm until you were shaking violently from his touch. 

"Cute," He chuckled darkly, wiping the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand as he stared down at you, a panting mess. 

"Your turn," You hummed as you slid down from the table, doing your best not to lose your balance as you pushed him onto the table. He leant against the edge of the table staring down at you as you shakily undid his trousers and pulled them down to expose his cock. You let out a gasp as you felt drool running down the corner of your mouth. Your eyes staring at his erection as Felix watched you closely, waiting to see what you would do. A giant smile took over his face as you licked him from base to tip before taking him into your mouth. He let out a groan as you began to take his cock in and out of your mouth periodically, pushing yourself deep so you could gag on it. 

"O-Oh fuck," He moaned out rolling his hips in time with you as you moaned around him, looking up to see him in total bliss. His eyes were fluttering as he let out small moans and whines, you continued to take him into your mouth. Gargling and gagging around him as you tried to please him as much as you could with your mouth but he suddenly held you down on his cock. 

"J-Just like that," He groaned out as your throat contracted around his cock for a second before he pulled you off him and moaned, you had a string of saliva and cum dripping from your lips and your eyes were tearing up but you'd never looked so sexy, 

"T-Table, quick." He moaned out, kicking off his trousers as you hoped back onto the table. Hearing him chuckle as you at the edge of the table, 

"No, no princess. Ass up, chest against the wood." You whimpered sliding down from the table and bending over so you were exposed to him. He pushed up your dress and slapped your ass cheek playfully, letting out a small moan as you bucked against his touch. 

"So obedient for me after being a tease during the meal," You shivered as he began to run his cock between your wet folds, your clit throbbing out for him to sink into you. 

"Tell me how much you want me," He was breathing heavily now as he continued to rub your cock through your wetness, you knew he needed you as much as you needed him so you weren't going to tease him anymore. 

"I-I need it, I need it more than ever...L-Lixie it's been too long." You whimpered in submission and Felix let out a whine. Sinking into you as you let out a loud moan, hands gripping onto the edges of the table. 

"All mine," He moaned out as he pulled back out of you looking down at his cock that was covered in your juices, 

"So fucking hot." He praised as he began to move inside of you once again. His dancer hips snapping in and out of you in practised motions as he fucked you, making you cry out as it built up your orgasm inside of you. 

"Fuck! Felix!" You cried out as he continued to fuck into you, making your eyes roll back as you laid your head against the cold wood, 

"Feel good baby?" He asked rhetorically as he continued to snap in and out of you at an unruly pace. 

His phone lit up on the table and he smirked feeling you clenching around him, he knew you were close so he told you to check his phone, 

"Who is it?" He questioned as he continued to slam into you, moaning out as he felt your wet walls clench around him once again just the way he wanted.

"T-The boys, they're j-just down the road," You dropped his phone as he pulled at your hips, 

"You better cum quickly then, unless you want them to see you like this," He hummed at you, reaching down to rub your clit as he continued to fuck into you.

"Do you want them to see how much of a cock whore you are, just for me?" You screamed out at the name and Felix let out a dark laugh, 

"You like that name? Looks like I'll have to use it more often my little cock whore," Without warning, you came around his cock letting out a pathetic squeak as your lips parted and his name was the only thing you knew what to say. Cumming around him until he thrust into you holding himself deep as he came hard. Hips jittering as he held you close to him, letting his hot cum fill you up as you struggled to think straight.  

After a couple of seconds, Felix pulled out of you, grabbing some napkins as he kissed your cheeks holding the napkins at your core. 

"Go clean up, I'll make a start on the dishes," He whispered to you, kissing you before you began to carefully run in the direction of the bathroom. The boys walking through the door a short time later and yelling out that they had ice cream and other snacks ready for when the dishes were all done. 

Tagline: @taestannie​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @minholuvs​ @sw33tnight​ @acciocriativity​ @that-anxious-bisexual​ 

#skz #skz x reader #skz x you #skz smut #stray kids imagine #stray kids imagines #lee felix #felix smut #felix x reader #felix imagine #felix imagines #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids smut #bang chan #chan #seo changbin #changbin #lee minho #minho #hyunjin.hwang hyunjin #han jisung #jisung #kim seungming #seungmin #yang jeongin #jeongin

[nobodyfamousposts]

Helluva Deal (Miraculous X Helluva Boss)

Well, since Miraculous crossovers with Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel are a thing now, I figured I’d write my own on how I think it would likely go. Since this IS the Helluva Boss universe, expect mentions of death and the afterlife, allusions to violence, innuendos, and general inappropriateness:

“Let me get this straight.”

Blitzo stared down the demon before him.

Said demon simply looked back, unimpressed. The little thing was small with blue skin, dorky-looking round glasses, and uneven horns. It wasn’t even a notable demon. Just a random weaker demon who somehow got the funds to pay for their services.

And normally, Blitzo was hardly one to turn down money—or a job that offered money. But this…

“You want to pay us to kidnap someone from Earth—not murder, which is in our company’s name, but kidnap. Which is decidedly more difficult and less fun.”

“Yep.”

Blitzo steepled his fingers together and held them up to his face. “And you want this person kidnapped—not so you can kill her yourself for whatever issue you may have, but because you want her to make you a jacket.”

“Yep.”

“A plain old jacket you could just get anywhere here in Hell.”

The demon gasped in offense. “It’s not just ANY jacket! It’s an MDC original piece and I want one!”

Blitzo took a breath, getting the feeling he was going to regret this. 

“Why?”

This…made the demon pause and eventually shrug. “Well, I did say I would have died for an MDC jacket. And I’m dead now, so…gimme.”

Well, who was he to argue with that logic?

Although…

“That is going to require quite a bit more effort…” He started, obviously leading…

The demon gave a flat look. “I’m not paying you double. I need the rest to pay her for the jacket.”

“Why would you want to pay for it?” Blitzo demanded. “This is Hell! You’re a demon! Just steal one!”

“It’s a commission! I have to pay for it!”

Blitzo would have spit out his drink if he’d had one.

“What are you even in Hell for, anyway? You won’t kill. You won’t steal. You just want to pay some human for a jacket you could get anywhere. What’s the point of that?” He asked, giving the other demon a strange look because really, what kind of demon WANTED to pay for things?

The demon stared flatly at Blitzo, his tail flicking against the chair in apparent increasing agitation.

"Are you saying that a commission shouldn't be paid for?” The demon asked curiously, sounding a little...too polite. “Because the last guy who tried to skip out on paying for a commission died. Eyes stabbed out and everything. Do you want to risk that kind of thing happening to you?"

…

Blitzo paled.

“Oh.”

The silence lingered to the point of long past uncomfortable as the demon continued to wait for an answer and Blitzo’s not so subtle attempt to desperately press his secret security button under his desk had no effect.

This would turn out to be because of Loona disconnecting the thing due to her hangover. Though in the moment, Blitzo would choose to blame Moxie.

After a good minute of no response from his team, Blitzo started to sweat when the determined artist demon seemed to grow bored and pulled out a pencil.

He jumped to his feet.

“We’ll take the case!”

And immediately fled the room.

_______

Once on Earth, the problem came up rather quickly that they had no idea who MDC was or how to access them. The client only knew the target was a fashion designer in Paris, which narrowed it down to one city at least but still was little help when the city in question was one of the fashion capitals of the world.

Blitzo, naturally, took the lead in trying to work out a means of information gathering.

And by “naturally”, what was really meant was “horribly failing”.

“I’m telling you, the plan is foolproof. We hold someone for ransom until MDC trades herself.” Blitzo said with apparent glee.

“Sir, that would be the exact opposite of subtle and get us the wrong kind of attention!”

Moxie, for his part, was trying to come up with what he would call “sensible plans”. Millie was simply scouting the area while the two argued. Ever faithful Loona stayed behind to try using her own connections…a magazine.

Needless to say, Blitzo was the one carrying the team. Or at least in his not-so-humble opinion.

Blitzo rolled his eyes. “I don’t see you coming up with any plans, Moxie.”

The smaller demon gave his boss a disgruntled glare. “I already told you! We should just go back and ask the client for more information!”

“Hmm…” Blitzo paused, before pulling out his phone. “Hey, Loona. The client still in my office?”

“Yeup.”

Blitzo immediately closed the phone. “Yeah—nope.”

“Sir—”

“He gouged a guy’s eyes out, Moxie! I need my eyes! I’m too pretty to lose them! They frame my face!” Blitzo exclaimed, bringing his hands up to his head in a fit of dramatics. “Is that what you want, Moxie? Do you want me to lose my precious, precious eyes?”

Moxie stared at the man like he was insane. Granted, Moxie had long had doubts about his boss’s sanity, but still...

“Hey, fellas?” Millie called, interrupting the two as she waved them over to the side of the building they had set up a temporary base atop of. “Listen to this!”

Blitzo immediately headed over, with Moxie following along behind looking annoyed. As they got closer, they heard what Millie had called them over about. Blitzo leaned over and peeked into the room in question.

Below them was an open window of the building where apparently a number of teenagers were gathered within for some inexplicable reason. And in this specific room, a group of the teens were gathered around one particular girl with a large forehead and hair that appeared to be made of meat. It was this girl who had their attention.

“—really friends with MDC?” One short blonde asked, looking overly excited like Blitzo did when he got a paycheck.

“Of course!” The meat-girl replied, looking smug. “We go way back! I was even the one who encouraged him to start in fashion and inspired his Heroes line.”

Blitzo looked back up at his team. “I thought MDC was a girl?”

Moxie shrugged. “If no one knows their real identity who's to say if they're a boy or a girl?"

“What else are they saying?” Millie asked, which returned the focus to the room.

More talking from below, using words that none of the demons really understood or cared about.

“—which was why he even made the Fox outfit for me!”

“Wasn’t that design based on Rena Rouge rather than Volpina?” One other girl with blue hair asked from the doorway of the room. She appeared to be rather annoyed for some odd reason.

The meat-girl looked somber. “Well, that was before he had to change it. After all, as bold as he is, not many people would support an akuma line, even if he had kept my idea to donate the funds to charity for the victims.”

The group “oo”-ed over the girl and praised her for her thoughtfulness. The meat-girl preened at the attention. The bluenette rolled her eyes. Some other blond guy looked on in disappointment.

“How amazing!” The little blonde exclaimed, clasping her hands to her cheeks. “I’d love to be able to meet MDC!”

“So would we!”

All eyes fell to the window which Blitzo, Millie, and Moxie used to make their entrance.

Honestly, he thought it was one of his better displays of dramatics. It certainly warranted some applause. Or screams of fear. Maybe one fainting.

“Akuma!”

Honestly, he was rather disappointed by the underwhelming response.

“I know we're demons and all, but I thought this place was French, not Japanese!"

“Nevermind that.” Blitzo replied to his workers before stepping forward to face the students.

Or rather one student in particular.

“Greetings! I am Blitzo. The two behind me are Millie and Moxie.”

The class stared as one of the two glared at them while the other waved cheerfully—or would be considered cheerfully if her teeth weren’t so razor sharp.

“We represent IMP, a for-hire group out of Hell. We take contracts, complete tasks, and make wishes come true!”

The teens looked at the demons in wariness and confusion.

“That sounds nice…” The little blonde in pink said.

“Those wishes generally involve murder.”

“I take it back! That sounds horrible!”

Blitzo grinned. “We are the ‘Immediate Murder Professionals’, dealing with the unfinished business of those poor wretched souls who are seeking some small vindication in their current status in Hell.”

“Then…why are you here?” The bigger male demanded.

Blitzo ignored him in favor of his true target.

“You! Ugly girl!” He shouted, grabbing the meat-girl.

“Hey!” She exclaimed, insulted.

He shook her. “Take us to MDC and we’ll rip out those sausage-links you call hair!”

“…don’t you mean ‘or’?”

He grinned ferally.

“No.”

She shrieked in fear.

“Lila!” Others cried out in horror.

Ah, yes. There was the fear. This, Blitzo was good with. It made him feel better about the previous lackluster response to his entrance.

“Why do you want me?!” The girl—Lila shouted, looking panicked. “I don’t know where MDC is!”

He raised an eyebrow at this. “But you said you were friends.”

She glanced around, taking note of the fact that her cohorts were still in the room. Though he didn’t know why that should matter for her answer.

“We are! But…I don’t know where he lives now! He’s moved since his name got out there and hasn’t given me the address yet!”

A glasses-wearing girl frowned in confusion. “But didn’t you just say that he invited you to his house for fittings?”

“Yeah, you said it was for the latest line that just came out.” Another girl with multi-colored hair added.

“That was months ago. Before he moved.” Lila replied quickly. “So I can’t help you.”

“Sure, you can!” Blitzo replied jovially. “We can just use you as ransom until MDC agrees to hand himself over.”

Moxie approached the two, keeping his gun leveled at the other kids. “We can save some time and see if she can’t call him.”

“Hey, yeah!” Millie agreed, grabbing Lila’s bag off of her and searching for her phone. “If they’re friends, she’s gotta have his contact info!”

“It’s not in there!” Lila replied quickly. “I was worried someone would steal my phone to get his info so I don’t keep his number in my phone!”

Millie frowned, before holding the now open phone up to Lila. “Then just type in the number yourself.”

Lila glanced around the room in growing agitation. “I can’t! I don’t have it memorized!”

“Then where did you write it down?”

“I lost it!”

The demons were looking particularly vexed.

“When and where?”

“It was a while ago. I don’t know where.” Lila replied.

A girl with glasses looked at her in confusion. “But didn’t you say you just called him this morning to congratulate him on the new line? And that he promised you a free outfit as thanks for all your help?”

Lila paled. “I—”

“Then the number should still be in the phone under its call history.” Moxie noted. Millie grinned and looked back to the phone screen to look through the data.

“I deleted it right after!” Lila shouted desperately.

Millie looked up at her in irritation.

Then promptly crushed the phone in her grip.

Lila shrieked, though it would be up for debate as to whether it was in shock at the loss of her phone or in fear that she may soon share that same fate.

Blitzo seemed similarly put out, but ended up shrugging it off as he pulled Lila closer to him. “Then it’s back to Plan A to hold her for ransom. Or torture her to see if she can’t remember the details.”

“No, please!”

“Lila!”

“Let her go!”

Lila grabbed at the arm holding her, panicked but not enough beyond reasoning. She couldn’t afford to reveal she lied now. She could only hope that these monsters would take her somewhere private where she could manipulate them with less witnesses.

Marinette, for her part, was also analyzing the situation.

These were three unknowns. Definitely not akumas. If they were to be believed, they were actual demons. From Hell. Which existed, apparently. And was where Lila would likely find herself in the next hour if she kept this up.

But from Lila’s expression, it seemed she was insistent on staying tight-lipped about her lies. Marinette figured as much due to her history. But she would have thought that Lila would have had some measure of self-preservation. Though perhaps that only applied to the preservation of her lies and manipulations rather than her own well being.

It was clear that Lila wasn’t going to get herself out of this. Not in any way that would spare her and everyone else in the room, at any rate.

As it was, the classmates were about to rally in Lila’s defense. While they had stood their own against akumas in the past,Marinette didn’t want to see how well they would fare against demons. Nor did she want to have to test if the Miraculous Cure would be enough to fix whatever would be left of them if they tried.

Marinette looked to the doorway.

No one was paying any attention to her right now. She could escape. She could go out, find a place to transform, and come back to deal with these…demons.

But by the time she returned, who was to say what could happen. The demons could kill Lila. They could kill all of her friends for being witnesses.

Ladybug may not be able to fix this.

But Marinette…as Marinette, she could.

“I’m MDC.” Marinette admitted.

Everyone froze.

“Come again.”

“MDC.” Marinette enunciated. “It stands for Marinette Dupain-Cheng. My name. I’m MDC. I’m the one you want.”

Alya stared. “Girl?”

Moxie looked at her in consideration. “That would fit with the client’s report of MDC being female.”

Millie, frowned in suspicion. “How do we know she’s really MDC?”

Marinette took a breath and slowly pulled out her tablet. “Well, my signature is in the clothes, so if you’ll let me pull up one of the shots, I can point it out and—”

Blitzo cut her off, grabbing her arm. “Yeah, I think we’ll just take you both and let the client sort it out. Sound good? Good, because we’re leaving.”

“Bye all!” Millie said, waving to the group. “Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do!”

Moxie rolled his eyes. “That’s a pretty short list…”

Blitzo ignored them an opened a portal, dragging both girls after him. Without a glance back, both Millie and Moxie followed him through the portal. Before anyone else could move, the gateway closed behind them.

A long pause followed.

“Not so fast!”

Suddenly, the door was kicked open as Chat Noir burst into the room.

The much less enemy-filled room.

“Um…did I miss the party?”

_______

The room they soon found themselves appeared, for all intents and purposes, completely normal. It looked like an office of the sort they’d find anywhere in Paris. Complete with a secretary’s desk, a few chairs, and a table littered with magazines.

The difference was made quickly apparent, however, through the view out the window. The landscape the deceptively quaint room was mostly a collage of red and black, with a sunless sky above and a myriad of strange buildings. Also of note where the various denizens of…distinctly non-human appearance wandering the streets outside.

“All right, ladies! Welcome to Hell!” Blitzo announced with a flourish, causing the girls to pale.

Lila fell back with a screech, landing on her butt and immediately attempting to scuttle back away. Her path was quickly halted as she bumped into something. Looking up, that “something” was actually a wolf monster, making Lila panic even further.

Loona, for her part, was not having a good morning—ignoring, of course, that it was actually the afternoon. And as if it wasn’t bad enough that her hangover still hadn’t cleared, now some…thing had shoved into her, followed shortly by an ear-piercing shriek that only made her head feel worse.

Seeing the way the wolf demon growled, Lila opened her mouth, possibly to scream even more when Marinette quickly shoved a hand over her mouth with a smile to Loona.

“Oh my! Your hairstyle is quite lovely!” She lied. Blatantly lied to the wolf girl’s face.

“It’s bed-head.”

“I couldn’t even tell. It looks so sleek and shiny!”

“Whatever.” Loona grumbled and stormed off to the break room, slamming the door behind her (and then immediately regretting it due to the noise agitating her headache).

Marinette decided to take the initiative. “So…what do you want with us, anyway?”

“Our client paid us a pretty penny—”

“Basic contract.” Moxie interrupted.

“Pretty. Penny.” Blitzo continued as if he hadn’t heard. “For a chance to meet with MDC.”

Okay, they had mentioned that before.

“Then what?”

“If you are MDC, you can do whatever the client is wanting. If you’re not, you’ll at least make for a decent distraction while we escape and blow up the building.”

The humans in the room blanched at that.

“WHAT?!”

“I know. She was a beautiful building.” Blitzo said mournfully as he actually wiped a tear from his eye. “And I just got my office arranged how I like it, too. But it

Marinette stared.

Lila whimpered.

“I second that ‘what’.” Moxie interrupted. “Nobody at any point discussed blowing up the building!”

“It was on page 3 of the handout I gave you this morning, Moxie.” Blitzo exclaimed, covering his eyes in exasperation. “At least read the mission briefings!”

“Sir, the ‘handout’ was a paper napkin. There was no third page!” Moxie insisted.

Beside him, Millie for her part was looking over the aforementioned napkin for the part that was supposed to mention the circumstances in question…or really any of the plan.

“We’ll discuss it later.” Blitzo said over his shoulder to Moxie as he proceeded to grab both human girls and drag them over to a previously closed door.

“Hey wait—!”

“Hang on!”

Within seconds, Blitzo opened the door and proceeded to shove both girls through before slamming it shut behind them, the last thing they heard being him mentioning where to buy explosives.

_______

So.

Recap.

Hell was real. Demons were a thing. And the two human girls were getting a first hand view of the less than pleasant or holy side of the afterlife.

Marinette was…actually taking it all in stride.

Lila was less so. She was sitting ramrod straight in the chair, keeping a tight grip on her knees and trying very hard not to move as her eyes glanced quickly around the room at the assembled demons.

Marinette actually felt bad for her. And probably should have been panicking herself, all things considered. Maybe she would have been had it not been for her extensive experience as Ladybug.

Sure, it was Hell, but floating gods and people turning into monsters had already broadened her horizons of the possibilities of the universe. Plus despite the name of the company that had kidnapped them both, murder didn’t appear to be on the table. All in all, despite the circumstances, Marinette didn’t feel that scared.

The fact that the “client” in question who hired the group was actually a fan of hers wanting a commission helped quite a bit with that.

As did the flattery.

“OMG! OMG! I can’t believe it! It’s you! Can I get your autograph?! No—wait! I need to focus! Can I get a jacket with your autograph?!”

“Thank you.” Marinette said, somewhat flustered. Honestly, she hadn’t thought she had gained THAT much fame. Especially not enough for someone to want to commission her from the afterlife.

…was that a thing? Could that be a thing?

“What I don’t get is why the other girl had to tag along?” The demon asked, curiously. “Is she your assistant or something?”

Lila brightened, looking ready to speak—likely to try to lie her way out of this. Or mess up what little peace Marinette had managed to create.

“No!” Marinette interrupted quickly, ignoring Lila’s petulant glare. “No, she’s not. There was just a mix up since they didn’t know where I was or who to bring.”

Blitzo rolled his eyes. “Well, how were we supposed to know?!”

“You could have asked me when I contracted you.” Said the demon, somewhat annoyed.

“I have a website, you know.” Said Marinette, very annoyed.

They paused.

“…the fuck’s a website?”

Silence.

Marinette coughed. “In any case, you wanted to commission me?”

“Oh, yes!”

_______

It didn’t take long to make the arrangements. Marinette named her prices and the demon was more than willing to pay her for her services. They made use of Blitzo’s office to negotiate and fine tune some details regarding the arrangement. From determining the materials to writing up the contract to negotiating the costs, it was all pretty professional.

And ultimately involved the humans not being murdered and the building not being blown up, which was always preferable.

It finally came down to determining just how the demon customer wanted the jacket to look, and Marinette started drawing out some sample sketches on spare paper in the office that may or may not have been important documents for Blitzo which she may or may not have particularly cared given the whole “kidnapping and being used as a sacrifice” matter.

The only issue seemed to be that the demon customer wanted the jacket to be made of materials that were only available in Hell. Which made sense, she supposed, since she wasn’t sure how long anything she made on Earth would last in this environment. Millie and Moxie had been sent out to gather the necessary material in question, and what they returned with was a strange sort of leather. It was unique and of a color she had never seen before, and part of her really wanted to get a bit more detail about the make.

…given how pale Lila had already gotten, Marinette kindly decided to refrain from asking questions.

“Well then, let’s go over a few sketches and determine which one you like.”

The demon looked almost giddy at the prospect. The IMP team looked relieved. Except Blitzo, who still seemed to be pouting over their takeover of his office.

Lila was…less enthused. “WHAT?! What are you thinking?! He’s a demon!”

Marinette shrugged. “Well, I do have a non-discrimination clause.”

“That shouldn’t apply to demons!” Lila hissed lowly.

“The demons who have brought us to Hell and are currently our only way of getting back.” Marinette pointed out, dryly.

Lila huffed and went back to her chair.

So, with Blitzo and his team begrudgingly kindly being forced willing to donate their office for her use, Marinette sent to work to try and design a jacket to the client’s taste as quickly as possible.

The sooner she got done, the sooner they could go back to Earth.

…hopefully.

Lila, for her part, was terrified and miserable and just wanting to go back to Earth. Immediately would be preferable. Even without Marinette.

Yeah, thanks Lila.

“Why do I have to stay here? Why can’t I go back home? Or do anything else?”

The client tilted his head. “Are you saying you don’t like art? Because the last person who told me they didn’t like art had their eyes stabbed out. With pencils. Would you want that to happen to you?”

“…can’t I like art and not stay in Hell?”

“No.”

Lila paled and sunk lower in her seat, where she remained quiet for the next couple of hours while Marinette worked.

It was mostly in silence as Marinette drew one sketch after another. Asking occasional questions about preferred length, how many pockets, special embellishments, and which parts of the various jacket styles did he prefer. Eventually, they had come to an agreement about the set look he wanted, the materials needed, and when he wanted it completed by. And from there came the matter of payment…

“Um…I’m not sure what the exchange rate is for Hell currency.” Marinette said, looking at the coins he handed her.

The demon frowned, tilting his head in consideration. “I could always rob a human bank and pay you with that.”

Marinette paled.

“This is fine. Really. I can probably buy some things from Hell with this.” She said with a forced smile.

“There are tons of things you can only find here.” Millie said, brightening. “We could deliver them for you!”

Well, that was a good point.

“That’s true.” Moxie agreed. “You could make other things with the fabrics here. Hats. Shirts.”

He paused, looking over his shoulder at Millie who was busy chatting with the customer regarding the fabric he chose. Seeing she was suitably distracted, he turned to Marinette. “So…how much would it be to make a dress. Just out of curiosity.”

Aww. Even in Hell there was love.

She smiled. “We can certainly discuss it.”

The moment was ruined as Blitzo stepped in and slung an arm around Marinette’s shoulder.

“How about one of those sexy maid outfits for the bedroom? You’re French, right?” He asked before giving Moxie a nudge. “You could stand to have a little more fun in the bedroom.”

“Sir, I’m 14.” Marinette replied dryly.

“And what we do in the bedroom is none of your business!” Moxie rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Didn’t we just have a discussion about this last week?”

Marinette coughed as the two started to argue. “So…um…are we going to return to Earth so I can start working on this?”

Blitzo sighed. “Fine, fine. Killjoys.”

Lila heaved a sigh of relief. “Oh thank God.”

_______

With an agreement forged between Marinette and IMP to have the customer’s order completed and delivered within two week’s time, Marinette and Lila were safely deposited back in their classroom no worse for wear.

…well, physically. Mentally, there were probably going to be a few scars.

Several of their classmates had apparently remained since the earlier incident. Perhaps it was out of worry? Or maybe classes had resumed after their disappearance—akuma attacks and strange circumstances had become rather common, after all.

Still, it was Alya’s cry of surprise and then being pulled into a hug that assured Marinette she was, in fact, back home.

“You’re back!” Alya exclaimed, relieved. “We were so worried!”

It wasn’t every day your best friend and classmate was dragged to Hell, after all.

“—and I’d been trying to reach out to Ladybug and Chat Noir, but only Chat showed up and Ladybug must be busy or maybe she already knew? Did she help you? How did you escape?”

Part of her wondered if Alya had even stopped to breathe. The rest of her was just basking in the happiness that they had made it back safe and nothing too terrible had happened in the meantime.

The absolute LAST thing she needed was to come back and find out Hawk Moth had let loose another akuma that destroyed Paris while she was gone.

Alya suddenly gasped as though struck by a thought.

“Oh my god, Marinette! I can’t believe you did that!”

Marinette smiled. “Well, I had to—”

“You claimed to be MDC just to protect Lila! And here I thought you hated her!”

Happy feeling gone. Gone like a punch to the face. Knocked out. Dead, even.

Alya beamed. “I’m so proud of you, girl! I knew deep down that—”

“Nope!” Came a quick interruption. “That’s not what happened. It was just a lie. Completely and utterly.”

The interruption was half expected.

The fact that it came from Lila was not.

Everyone froze.

“What?”

“I never met MDC.” Lila explained, wasting absolutely no time with subtleties and just blurting it out. “I never knew Marinette was MDC. I just lied about knowing him because I thought he was the next big thing and I knew you would all believe me.”

“…what?”

Lila sighed. “I lied about knowing MDC. And being the muse behind his fashion line—well, hers. Since Marinette is MDC. She never lied. I did.”

The classmates were startled, but seemed to be taking in the information.

Rose, for her part, tried to be positive. “Oh...well, you didn’t have to lie about knowing MDC—”

“No, I mean about everything. Ever. In fact, there’s probably not a single time we’ve known each other that I was ever honest with any of you.”

Everyone stared.

“I’ve been lying since the moment we’ve met.” Lila continued. “I am a liar. Always have been. I am a horrible lying liar who lied about everyone I ever claimed to know and everything I ever said I did just to get you all to admire me because it was easier to manipulate you that way and get you to do things I wanted. From interviewing me for the Ladyblog to carrying my lunch tray to buying me things. I lied about having tinnitus just to get to sit next to Adrien and lied about not being interested in him to manipulate Nino into guilting him into letting me come to his house. Ladybug herself even called me out for lying. And when Marinette got upset that day I came back over the seat change? I threatened her in the bathroom because she was wise to me from the very start.”

A few stares were sent Marinette’s way. She didn’t have any explanation for them though. She was just as surprised as they were. More, even.

Lila shrugged. “Everything I’ve said. Everything I’ve done. All lies. Ever.”

Everyone gaped in shock. Nobody even really knew what to say.

Marinette started. “But why—”

“Because that was Hell, Marinette. HELL. The bad place you go to after you die, reserved for bad people. And until today, I didn’t even think it was real. Or that there could be a chance I could end up there. But I imagine if anything would warrant that, it’d be lying, manipulating, and trying to get revenge on a superhero.”

Nino blinked. “Wait…what was that last one—”

As if a great weight was lifted from her shoulders, Lila sighed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go join a convent to try and save my soul now that I know I have one.”

With that, she promptly exited the room, leaving the group staring after her in complete bewilderment.

Alya gaped. “...what?”

_________

Epilogue: 

Marinette completed her commission to the demon and later for Moxie. Her fame increased in both realms and she eventually did open up her own design house. The only issue came in the customers who wanted to pay her by removing her competition, which she was mostly able to prevent until IMP took a hit on Gabriel Agreste. While Marinette did stop the attempted murder, this did still reveal his secondary identity of Hawk Moth, allowing the Butterfly and Peacock to be recovered and peace to return to Paris.

The classmates were shocked at the reveal of Lila’s true nature, but were more bewildered than anything given how it happened. They did all feel foolish and embarrassed for trusting Lila, but considering what could have happened, they all chose to take it as a life lesson to be more cautious in the future. They all remained friends and moved on to live quite fulfilling lives.

IMP formed a contract with MDC and gained a secondary job of delivery service as well as assassins, which increased their profits.

And Millie loved her new dress.

Lila Rossi convinced her mother to send her to a convent, where she became one of the most pious and devout members, spreading the message of being good in life more than any other.

#ml fic #ml crossover #marinette dupain cheng #Lila sucks #lila redemption #helluva boss

[helliontherapscallion]

Catching Up (Adrenaline Junkie Part 9)

Part 1     Part 2     Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6     Part 7     Part 8     Part 10     Part 11     Part 12     Part 13     Part 14     Part 15     Part 16     Part 17

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Warnings: swearing

Word count: 2,156         

“Did you kidnap a child?”

“I can ex- wait what? Of course I didn’t! Why would you think that?”

“Well, for starters, you just came home with a random kid! What were-”

“Dad. I didn’t kidnap anybody, especially Arthur,” you said exasperated. “It started when I was leaving the village.”

And so, you told your dad about how you met Arthur. Needless to say, he was furious. “(Y/n) (m/n) Minecraft, you yelled at a child? Not just a child, but an orphan that was so clearly in need of help?! I raised you better than that.”

“Dad, I know that yelling at kids is wrong. Just-just let me finish.”

He gave you a wicked side eye and nodded at you to continue. “So then he told me that he was alone. That he had no family. I couldn’t just leave him out there Dad. He would’ve been alone in the city. Hell, he’s been alone for god knows how long already” you ran a stressed hand through your already messy hair. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask you if he could crash here-”

“(Y/n).”

“-but he could’ve got hurt! The village’s dangerous at night-”

“(Y/n).”

“Do you know how many people get mugged there just in a day? God, I can’t imagine him getting hurt, he’s so young and-”

“(Y/n) (m/n) Minecraft.” Your hand froze in your hair. “...Yeah?”

“It was a good idea to bring him here. But there’s gotta be someone out there looking for him.”

“I really don’t think so Dad. You saw him when I brought him here, he looked like he didn’t get a proper bath in months! Even if he did have someone, I’d rather him be here instead of with the bastards that left him like that.”

He sighed. “You’re right. I remember when I found you when you were a baby. Your biological parents were awful, they ignored you. I found you on the porch, they must’ve left you there overnight. You were filthy and you were so small and fragile. I remember being so pissed that they treated you like that, but they never gave me their names.”

You squinted at him. “You’ve never told me that. You told me that you found me in an alleyway.”

“I didn’t want to tell you how I actually found you, it was never important for you to know.”

“What do you mean it’s not impor-” you stopped yourself. That’s not important right now. “We’re going to talk about this later. Right now, we need to talk about Arthur before he gets out of the shower.”

Glancing at the clock, you felt worry engulf your being. “Speaking of, he’s been in there a while, do you think he’s okay?” You felt your heart drop. “What if he slipped!” You stood up in a panic. Philza pulled you back onto the bed giving you a knowing look.

“He’s okay hun. Remember, he’s probably just enjoying the shower.”

You bounced your leg. “You’re right, you’re right… What’s with that look?”

“What look?”

“That look.”

“I just think-”

You heard a knock on your door and a small voice calling your name. Immediately jumping up and forgetting about the conversation, you opened your door. 

“Hey buddy, have a good shower?”

He yawned, rubbing at his eye with a closed fist. The pajamas he wore were slightly too big, but he would grow into them. His auburn hair that he came in the house with was now a brilliant copper color and you could now make out freckles dotting his pale cheeks.

“Mhm.”

You softly smiled at him and grabbed his hand leading him to Wilbur’s old room since it had the comfiest bed. You helped the small-statured boy into the large bed and he flopped down without pulling the covers over himself. You huffed in amusement, pulling the soft blankets out from under him and tucking him in.

You spoke in a calm voice, not wanting to disrupt the peace that engulfed the room. You gently brushed the hair out of his face. “Sleep well, Artie.”

As you stood up and turned to walk away, he grabbed the back of your shirt. Glancing back, you saw that he had his eyes groggily half-open and he stared at you blearily. “Stay?”

Oh, you couldn’t say no to that. Feeling your heart melt, you whispered “of course buddy.” You pulled up an old chair and sat next to the bedside holding his small hand in your larger one. He was out like a light. 

He was so small for his age. It was probably because of the malnutrition from being homeless, and that broke your heart. Your poor, poor baby.

…Wait.

Wait.

Your poor baby? What the fuck were you thinking? This child doesn’t even know you, you only met him earlier in the day. And yet, you already felt affectionate towards him. You wanted to protect him from danger. Why were you feeling like this?

You heard the door creak open and a small sliver of light streamed into the room. Philza poked his head through the small crack in the door. He smiled at you when he saw you sitting next to Arthur holding his hand as he slept. Reaching in an arm, he gestured for you to follow him before slipping out and closing the door.

Reluctantly, you slowly let go of the boy’s slender hand and quietly opened the nightstand drawer. You pulled out a pen and paper and wrote a quick note for him in the morning in your messy handwriting.

“Arthur, when you wake up, Philza and I’ll be downstairs making breakfast. Hope you like bacon and eggs : )

-(Y/n)”

You placed the paper on the nightstand where you hoped that Arthur would see when he woke up and quietly left the room. Philza leaning against the wall greeted you. He was smiling softly at you. He once again gestured for you to follow him downstairs.

Philza felt ecstatic that you were going to give him another grandson. Even if you would inevitably deny being a parental figure to Arthur, he knew that you were going to accept it sooner or later. He raised you, so he should know when you deeply care for someone. Arthur and you both shared a love for innovation and creativity, so he knew that you two would bond over that. He felt like soaring high in the sky. He was so happy that there’s going to be another addition to the family soon. 

He sat you down onto the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. A few moments later, he came back with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. Your favorite.

“Thanks.”

“Anytime hun.”

You both sat in a comfortable silence on the couch and stared into the crackling flame in the fireplace. The fire swirled with various reds, oranges, and yellows illuminating the living room. You closed your eyes for a brief moment, savoring the flavor of the chocolate and the smell of smoke with the fire popping in the background. You felt relaxed.

“So, how’s Tommy and Wilbur? Are they adjusting well to L’manberg?”

“Oh, they’re thriving. Wilbur’s a natural leader so he’s in his element and Tommy’s always exploring with Tubbo. They get into trouble sometimes, but they always come back in one piece, so I’m not worried about them. They’re having fun.”

“And you?”

“I set up my new workshop next to the capitol building. I think I’m gonna start selling some of the stuff I make, I think it’d make a decent profit.”

“I think that’s a great idea. Ya know that the people in the village are crazy about you, right?”

You groaned, dragging your hand down your face tiredly. “How could I not? I hate it.”

“Why would you hate it? They really admire your work, you should appreciate that.”

“Dad, I do appreciate that they admire my work, but do you remember how they treated me when I first went there after I lost my wing? They treated me like a fucking outcast. And now they’re acting like they actually know me and that they were always friends with me. I know everybody deserves a second chance, but I can’t help but feel like they’re on thin ice.” 

“People change hun. Maybe they realize that how they treated you was wrong and they want to make amends?”

“That’s the thing. They’re only treating me like this only because of my inventions. I can only tolerate it for so long. I don’t even know why they’re treating me like this, I’m not special. I’m just another person.”

“...You aren’t gonna let a few two-faced people ruin your vacation, right?”

“No.”

His cheeks slowly stretched into a smile. “Why? Who are you?”

“I’m (y/n)?”

“I said who. Are. You?”

You spoke up a little more confidently, but kept your voice down. “I’m (y/n) (m/n) Minecraft.”

He quietly laughed. “Damn right you are. You’re ‘(Y/n) Minecraft, Conqueror of the Unknown’. You’re (y/n) goddamn Minecraft and don’t you forget it.”

You chuckled. “You read that book? ‘(Y/n) Minecraft, Conqueror of the Unknown’ was a bit too dramatic for my taste.”

“Why wouldn’t I read something all about my precious little inventor?” He drug out with an overly sweet tone.

“Dad, I’m 20 years old. I’m not little anymore.”

He slung an arm across your shoulders and pulled you into his side. “I know, I know, but you’ll always be my child.”

You sighed and leaned into him. You haven’t spent any time with him since you left the house to help Wilbur and Tommy fight for independence, so this felt nice. “I missed you Dad.”

“Not a day goes by where I don’t miss you or your brothers. It’s way too quiet around here without you four.”

“Do you remember when Tommy put green dye in the shampoo to try and prank me?”

An almost silent laugh reverberated throughout his chest, sounding slightly muffled. “Of course I do. It took at least a few weeks to get it off my skin and a full month after that to get it out of my hair.”

“You should’ve seen his face when I walked into the kitchen in the morning,” you deepen your voice. “‘If you’re not in the shower, then who is?’ Aaaannd then you walked into the kitchen looking like you lost a fight with a witch.” You snorted. “You didn’t know why everyone was staring at you.”

He huffed. “You guys didn’t even tell me until after breakfast.”

“Have you seen yourself in the mornings? You’re literally so grumpy. We didn’t have a death wish.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad in the morning, Mx. I-can’t-function-without-eight-hours-of-sleep.”

“At least I’m fully awake in the morning.”

��Oh, wow, what a zinger,” he said in a monotone voice.

You reached up to playfully slap his arm. “Shuddup.”

You both quietly laughed before the room fell back into a comfortable silence. You took a deep breath. “Arthur knows about The Warden. What it did to me”

You felt him tense up and heard his heart start to beat a little faster. He moved his arm away and leaned back to look you in the eyes.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. He said that he knew what happened and he needed my help. He… he said that The Warden took someone important to him.”

“Was it his paren-”

“I don’t know. I’m going to talk to him about it tomorrow.”

“Do you want me to talk to him with you?”

“I don’t know if Arthur’s comfortable with that yet. I’m not even sure if he trusts me enough to tell me.”

You grabbed your’s and Philza’s empty mugs and took them to the kitchen. You ran your hands down your face. You felt very drained after everything that happened today. You weren’t used to so much human interaction, let alone people staring at you like you were some kind of deity when you weren’t. You leaned against the sink and closed your eyes. 

“(Y/n), I’m turning in for the night. Is there anything you need before I go to bed?”

“No, thank you Dad.”

“Alright, goodnight. Love you.”

“Love you too.”

You heard his retreating footsteps gradually fade out and the room was thick with silence yet again. The darkness in the room was cut by the moonlight streaming in through the window. Your mind was racing as you remembered that you were going to have to talk to Arthur about The Warden soon. 

You hadn’t talked about The Warden for years and now you were being forced into it. You didn’t think you were ready. You wanted to move on with your life, but The Warden was inevitable. It was everywhere around you. It won’t ever leave you alone, will it?

You didn’t think you were going to get much sleep tonight.

Taglist (comment if you want to be added):

@acecarddraws  @goldenstarofthunderclan  @ravennightingaleandavatempus  @dirtydiavolo  @yeiras-world  @immadatmostthings  @hee-hee-haw  @jackalopedoodles  @m1lkmandan  @vanhakirja  @im-a-depressed-gay  @coolleviauchihadreamerlove  @questioning-sanity  @camisascam

@bongwaterflavoredgatorade  @kakamiissad  @jayistrash4  @lifestylesleep  @speedymaximoff  @sun-shark-tooth  @appetiteofapeoplepleaser  @lestrangenymph  @kinismanditory  @dragons-lurk-here  @rinzyx05  @the-wandering-pan-ace  @sparkling-gayyyy  @angelic-scent  @shinipii  @dont-hug-me-im-a-fander  @izzydimensional  @used-avocado  @laura--444  @wing-non

#sbi x reader #sleepy bois x reader #sleepy bois inc x reader #sibling reader #platonic #philza x reader #technoblade x reader #wilbur soot x reader #tommyinnit x reader #mcyt #mcyt x reader #dream smp #dream smp x reader #tw: swearing

[solarwonux]

Sunflower || Seokmin 

seokmin x f!reader: soulmate au 

w.c: 23.7k (its a long one get some popcorn lol)

warnings: angst, really really slow burn, suggestive themes (no nsfw sorry y’all) 

note: I’M SO EXCITED TO FINALLY RELEASE THIS FIC, it has been released before but I rewrote it a little and finally finished it. PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS IT WOULD MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND YES YOU DO NEED TO READ CHERRY FIRST IT WOULD MAKE A LOT MORE SENSE IF YOU DO. 

cherry || masterlist

“Get up.” Seungkwan said opening the curtains in your room letting in the obnoxious rays of sunlight. You groaned turning over in your bed pulling the sheets over your head. A failed attempt to block the sunlight out. “I mean it get up.” He jumped on your bed, trapping you underneath him then tried to pry off the sheets from your body. Your iron-like grip holding them in place. You wiggled your body trying to wrestle him off. He scoffed placing his hands on your sides and jabbing them, an annoyed laugh falling out of your lips. He snickered grabbing onto your sheets and pulling them off your body. 

“Get up!” He exclaimed letting you go, bringing your sheets along with him. He stood at the foot of your bed, hands on his hips, waiting. You whined, flaying your limbs up in the air, which only made him roll his eyes in annoyance. “It’s too early, let me sleep please.” You grumbled finally sitting up on your bed, crossing your legs and arms in front of you. You blinked rapidly trying to get used to the brightness of your once dark room. 

“It’s almost two in the afternoon, I’m not letting you sleep anymore…so get up.” He commanded his hands leaving his hips and pointed an accusatory finger at you. “You’ve been doing this every weekend for the last five months and honestly I’ve had it.” He shook his head in disbelief and threw himself on your bed in despair. You rolled your eyes shoving him with your foot before laying down on your side, eyeing the unpleasant billboard outside your—well Seungkwan’s guest bedroom window. “Even if I get up, what's the point, I have nothing to do.” You sighed moving so you were now on your back, eyeing the ceiling fan as it turned with ferocity above your bed and attempted to count the times it went around in circles. Useless to say the least but helped calm you down.

“I talked to Vernon yesterday; he’s worried about you?” Seungkwan sat up poking your side again. The name that fell out his lips sent jabs of pain up your body and you tried your hardest to blink back the tears that had started to form at the sound of his name. “I’m fine.” You whispered turning over to face your best friend. His eyebrows furrowed as he searched your face carefully for any warning signs. “It’s okay not to be fine you know, it’s okay to admit it too.” He sighed wrapping an arm around your shoulder hugging you tightly. 

“How is he?” You mumbled. The question had been lingering at the tip of your tongue since the day the two of you decided to finally part ways. Since the day you moved into Seungkwan’s guest bedroom and since the day Vernon told you about his back-packing trip around South East Asia. That night the two of you cried together on Seungkwan’s overly expensive couch, because your new realities, that didn’t involve one another as lovers, finally started to settle in.

When he walked out the front door, he had promised to come back under one condition. You knew it was eating him inside, but he held his head high and told you to try everything in your power to find the person that was meant to be your forever. He had found his, in fact his was the reason why the two of you were in this mess in the first place. Why the color you had gotten used to seeing for nearly five years had been stripped away from you.

“He’s good, he arrived in Thailand last night and yes he’s taking his vitamins and eating well.” Seungkwan stated he sat up bringing you along with him. “But he keeps asking about you and I’m tired of lying to him, so I’m taking you out today.” He smiled brightly, tugging a strand of hair behind your ear and placing a soft kiss against your forehead. “So, take a shower before I dump a bucket of water on you.” 

“Where are you taking me?” You turned down the radio, your voice was hoarse from screaming out the lyrics to Dancing Queen with Seungkwan. A curious smile playing on your lips as you looked out your open window, the wind hitting your face making goosebumps rise onto your skin. Despite still not feeling like you could jump back and be the person you were five years ago or five months ago, you felt at ease.

“It’s a surprise.” Seungkwan stated in a matter of fact tone, finishing it off with a scoff. You rolled your eyes sitting back in your seat. The beginning melody of Toxic sounding through his car speakers made Seungkwan groan in protest. “Last time I let you pick the music.” He pointed out, turning on the turn signals. 

“Shut up you love it.” You teased. “Now please tell me where we’re going, we’ve been driving for nearly three hours.” You whined, closing the window and bringing down the car visor. You opened the little mirror and cringed once you saw yourself. Your hair was sticking out in different places, your red lipstick was slightly smudged, and your mascara had started to run. If Vernon was next to you, he would’ve told you that you still looked like the most beautiful girl in the world. You grinned letting out a small sigh and shook your head. The feeling of nostalgia making its way underneath your skin whenever you thought of him. To your surprise you hadn’t bursted into tears yet and maybe that was an indication that you were finally starting to let yourself feel happiness once again.

“It’s been an hour and a half, you’re literally so dramatic.” Seungkwan said in disbelief as he slowed down the car. “Anyway, we’re here, but you have to put on the blindfold before we go anywhere.”  He smiled, putting his car in park and shutting it off. He reached over the back seat and brought out a blindfold, cheekily showing it to you. 

“Kwanie I know I’ve been a pain these last five months but I’m literally begging you to not kill me today.” You said as you finished up fixing your face as well as your unruly hair before closing the visor and turning to face him. He rolled his eyes shoving the blindfold into your hand. “I can’t stand you sometimes, just put the damn blindfold on.” He whined, tapping his fingers impatiently on his steering wheel. You saluted at him jokingly before putting it on. “Done, lead me to my death.” 

“Let’s go drama queen.” 

“You’re one to talk.” You mumbled opening his car door. Seungkwan grabbed your hands leading you out of the car, resting his hands on your shoulders. “I promise you’ll love it.” He said the smile prominent in his tone of voice as he started to walk you forward. You jumped putting one of your hands over his in panic, your stomach turning in anticipation. Your mind goes through numerous possibilities of what would be on the other side once you removed your blindfold. A part of you hoping it was Vernon, but you knew that wasn’t an option. He was out, doing something he had desperately wanted to do for years and no matter how much he cared for you. He wasn’t going to put his dreams to halt for you. The two of you had done it for far too long and now it was time to finally live for yourselves. It was something the two of you deserved. 

“Alright we’re here.” Seungkwan stated as the two of you stopped walking. Your hands quickly went up to the blindfold and took it off quickly. A gasp falling out of your lips as you stared in awe at the black and white field of sunflowers. The heliotropic flowers swayed slowly in the wind as they reached up high towards the sunlight. Your stomach turning wishing you had never taken your color for granted. 

“Kwanie, I-I love it.” You smiled turning to face the boy who was looking at you smugly. You hugged him tightly, burying your face into the crook of his neck finally letting the tears spill out. He nodded wrapping his arms around you tightly, slowly caressing your back as he let you cry. Something he had gotten used to since you had started living with him, and something he would never complain about. The pain you were going through, he could not understand no matter how hard he tried. He had never been in love before, his soulmate mark remained untouched, the words etched on his wrist haunting him for years, slowly making him lose hope. And that’s how he lived for a while until the night when you called him sobbing. The words coming out of your mouth he couldn’t make out, but he heard the pain laced in your voice. His heart broke as he knew what had happened. 

Vernon had confided in him for nearly a year. At first, he didn’t agree with the way he was handling things, telling him that you should’ve been his first priority. But the more he thought about it the more he understood why he couldn’t. Vernon’s love for you was indescribable, he would’ve moved mountains and parted the red sea for you if he could. You were his light the reason he kept pushing even though at the end he knew what the outcome would be. The love the two of you had was pure art and Seungkwan could only hope to find something so perfect one day. Which is why he let you cry on him; let you curse out the world as he held you in his arms because even though he hadn’t found the person the universe had set him up with. He knew what it felt like to long for that person. 

“We can cut some and take them home. Trust me the apartment needs a little bit of brightness.” He pulled away, his thumbs wiping the stray tears on your cheeks. You nodded turning around, watching the people you had overlooked run around happily. Some were by the little white kiosk that held bundles of sunflowers and strawberries and you assumed that’s where you would go to pay the fee. Others were taking pictures with the daisy like flowers, while others were cutting off the stems carefully to take home, fighting with the bees. The whole sight made you feel warm and at peace and though you had already cried. You felt like crying again only because the happiness that was bubbling up inside of you was overwhelming. 

“Let’s go then and since you brought me here you will pay for them right.” You pouted batting your eyelashes up at him. 

“What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t” 

“The worst honestly.” You grabbed his hand leading him to the middle of the field. The skyrocketing flowers make you feel small as if you were an ant in the middle of a field of grass. “I wish I can see them in their truest form” You sighed taking one of the leaves in between your index finger and thumb. “But I can only remember what they would look like.” You nodded smiling sadly earning a flick on the forehead from Seungkwan. “Ow…what the hell Kwanie.”

“Stop getting all sad on me and smile please.” He said, bringing a pair of kitchen scissors from his back pocket. You cocked an eyebrow in curiosity, and you were about to ask him where the hell he had gotten them, until you noticed the miniscule flashes of color by his shoulder. You blinked rapidly, before rubbing your eyes forcefully not caring that you had smudged your mascara.

Seungkwan leaned up grabbing onto the flower stem, placing it in between the scissor blades and cutting it. A satisfied hum escaping his lungs, nodding in approval while he turned to you and brag. His smile fell once he noticed the look of distresses embedded onto your face. “What’s wrong, what happened?” He said dropping the flower along with the scissors and placing both hands on top of your shoulders. He shook you, your eyes turning wide while you looked around. The water pooling in your tear ducts and he tried to desperately grab your attention.  

The broken flashes of yellow, coming in and out at a faster than before. Faster than the morning you had met Vernon. Your heart was at your throat and you pushed Seungkwan’s hands off your shoulders, ignoring his worried statements and pushed past him. You kept walking, your hands shaking at your sides as the flashes of color became more intense. Seungkwan followed you, taking long strides to keep up with you. “What’s happening…did something happen?” He asked his voice sounding with concern and once again you ignored him again, trying to find the reason why you were suddenly seeing color again. A part of you wondered if this was how Vernon had felt that night. If he felt lightheaded. If his body grew weak while his heart broke slowly into thousands of pieces while the flashes of color came in and out. 

“Seokmin where are you going…what’s going on?” You heard a voice shout, your footsteps coming to a stop once your eyes found the ones of the person in front of you. The same look of distress you had on your face adorning his. You let out a sob seeing as the color poured in at a faster rate than before. The part of you that still loved Vernon breaking away slowly while you felt your heart start to beat out of time. Just like it had done that first time you met Vernon and you were introduced to a world of color. Seungkwan came up beside you, out of breath, his hand grabbing onto your arm, confusion written all over his features as he looked between you and the man standing a few feet away from the two of you. 

“Min, you’re scaring me.” His friend said, waving a hand in front of his face. He didn’t budge, instead his eyes only got wider, and he took it upon himself to take a wary step forward. “D-Do you see i-it too?” 

You nodded pushing the hand Seungkwan was using to hold you back off. “W-What’s your name?” You took a step forward, your body feeling as if it were on fire. Something you had never once experienced before.

“Seokmin, I-I thought I would never find you.” He confessed stopping until only a foot separated the two of you. His hands inside his jacket pockets itching to reach out to you. To embrace you, wipe away your tears, and tell you how beautiful you looked despite the mascara tracks staining your cheeks. 

He never imagined that this day would come. Sure, he had fantasized about it since the day he learned what soulmate’s where. He had practiced numerous conversations inside his head, to be prepared. But he never once believed that he would be able to find, certainly not in a field of sunflowers on the hottest day of the year. And certainly not with you standing in front of him crying as if your heart was breaking instead of mending.

“C-Can I give you a hug?” You spoke rubbing the back of your hand against your cold cheek, a sob catching itself at the back of your throat. He nodded quickly, taking his hands out of his pockets and shaking them at his side. The two of you stared at each other in silence, eyes running all over the place. Your bodies daring to finally cross the line. In the end, despite your heart feeling as if it were to fall out of your ass. You crossed it, wrapping your delicate arms around his torso, the sob you had been holding in finally breaking out of its confinements. 

Seokmin held you as if his life depended on it. His mind searching through the files of practice conversations he had over the years, trying to come up with something, anything to say to you right now. 

With caution he started to run his hands down your back, trying to offer you comfort. His gaze landing on the man that had been chasing after you. To Seokmin his features were unreadable, but the tears that had started to fall out of his eyes spoke volumes and it scared him. He could only hope he wasn’t your significant other because the last thing Seokmin wanted to do was make you choose. If your heart didn’t belong to him then he’d live with the consequences because despite not knowing your name yet, he knew you deserved more than what the world had to offer. 

“I-I’m sorry.” You pulled away; the residue of your mascara combined with your tears on his pale-yellow t-shirt. Your bottom lip trembles as the memories of your first meeting with Vernon came flooding back. “Everything is so fucked…I’m sorry you had to meet me like this.”

“Don’t be sorry, just because we met doesn’t mean we have to be together right away.” He nodded the soft pad of his thumbs lying against your soft cheeks. He studied your face closely, taking in everything as fast as he could. Afraid you would be taken away from him forever. He could tell something was bothering especially when you refused to look him in the eye. Only catching the subtle hint of sadness hiding behind your sparkling eyes. There was something you had to deal with, one that didn’t involve him, and he knew he had to put himself aside and you first. 

“I’ve waited my whole life for you…I can wait a little longer.” 

“Text him please.” Seungkwan pleaded falling on to your bed cuddled with your pillow. You stopped your typing and took off your glasses before looking down at him. His puppy dog eyes cause you to roll your eyes.

“I will once I’m done applying for this job.” You smiled sending him a playful wink. “No now, you always come up with an excuse to shut me up but this time it won’t work.” He sat up and hit you across your face lightly with your pillow, blocking your view. You whined feeling the weight of your laptop disappear from your lap and you knew this was a fight you weren’t going to win.

“Why does it matter, it’s not like I’ve been ignoring him, I respond to his good night and good morning texts every day.” You sat up and reached over to grab your laptop in which he was holding close and tightly to his chest. “Wow girlfriend of the year.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes, turning his body from your grabby hands.

“We’re not dating…please give me my laptop back.” You pulled at his arms as they got tighter around your precious device. You cursed falling back on your bed when you realized your attempts were going to be deemed as unsuccessful. 

You slammed your hands down on your bed in frustration. Seungkwan sighed and set down your laptop on your bedside table before laying down next to you. He poked your cheek, grabbing your attention, your pouty gaze making his heart sink. “I’m scared, what if the same thing that happened with Vernon happens again.” You confessed hitting your palm against your forehead, silently punishing yourself for your stupidity.

“We don’t get anywhere in life letting our fear get in the way of things.” He grabbed your hand and placed it on his chest. “And you can’t keep comparing this potential relationship with the one you and Vernon had because you’ve been given a chance to start over and fall without a care in the world.” He said playing with your fingers gently. “So, ask him out, I know he’s been dying to see you again.”

“How do you know?” You scoffed pulling your hand from his and resting it on top of your stomach. You looked up at the ceiling, counting the small indents that appeared over years of overuse. Your mind racing back to the events that occurred at the middle of the sunflower field as well as what happened after. Which was nothing, you had told Seokmin that you needed time before jumping face first into a brand-new relationship. He had agreed, told you he’d wait for you a whole lifetime again if that’s what you needed, and it broke your heart. You could tell he was a little disappointed. It was written all over his face, despite the smile that adorned it and you couldn’t imagine how he was feeling now, especially with your lack of communication.

“Soonyoung told me.” Seungkwan flicked your forehead bringing out of your daze making you glare at him in the process. You were thankful for him and everything he had done for you throughout your devastating break up with Vernon but sometimes you wished he wouldn’t worry so much. “Wait…when did you get his number?” You sat up leaning your body over and poking his side. He convulsed pushing your hands away before sitting up and crossing his legs under him. “That day at the field while Seokmin paid for your flowers.” He pointed behind you to the vase that held your withered sunflowers. “Also, when are you going to get rid of them, they’re looking a little dead.”

You rolled your eyes and shoved him as hard as you could. He was right, the flowers had been dead for almost two months, but every time you looked at them, they reminded you of Seokmin and that thought alone made you happy. “Never, I’m going to be buried with them. Now get out of my room I need to finish applying for this job.” He nodded reaching over for your laptop and handed it to you before getting off from your bed.

“Fine, but please text him, Soonyoung and I made a bet and so far, he’s winning, and I really really don’t want to give him a cent.” He laughed walking out of your room, holding onto the door handle tightly.

“Seungkwan my love life is not a game.” You shouted, throwing your pillow at him. His eyes grew wide in panic and he ran out of your room, closing your door quickly. Causing your pillow to hit the door and fall to the floor. You shook your head and laid back on your bed, your laptop and job application long forgotten as you eyed your charging phone. Your hands itched to reach out and grab it and finally send the text you had written countless times, but never sent because of fear.

“Fuck it.” You reached over and pulled it off the charging cable, unlocking it and opening your message app. Seokmin’s good morning text sat unread at the top of the list. Your heart palpitated as you typed the message you had memorized and counted to ten before hitting send. You panicked throwing your phone across your bed and getting off it, the sweat forming on your hands as they shook. You ran out of your room, down the hallway and into the kitchen, your eyes landing on a smug looking Seungkwan as he turned a wine glass in his hand.

“I sent it.”

“Finally, I’m about to be fifty dollars richer.” 

“How do I look?” You walked into the living for the umpteenth time that afternoon, this time you were adorning a sky-blue summer dress and white vans. “Every time you’ve asked me that I’ve told you the same thing, you look great now finish getting ready he’s going to be here in literally ten minutes.”

“I know but each outfit doesn’t feel right.” You threw your hands up and sat on the lounge chair putting your feet on top of the coffee table earning a look of disapproval from Seungkwan. “What if I wear the wrong outfit and the same thing as last time happens.” You pushed your hair back, lightly tugging at your roots. 

“Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I’m the dramatic one in this friendship.” He leaned over and pushed your feet off the coffee table making you pout. “A bad outfit isn’t going to trigger what happened with Vernon, so calm down and touch up your make or hair. Whatever you need to do because now you have a solid five minutes before he gets here.” Seungkwan stood up from his seat and pulled you up from the lounge chair.

“See, I knew my outfit was bad. Now I have to go change again.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes while he pushed you back into your room. “It was a hypothetical, you look beautiful, but what does look bad is your hair so fix it because time is ticking and neither of us are getting any younger.” He guided you to your mirror waving his hands around your disheveled hair, scolding at yourself for having the terrible habit of pulling on it whenever you were anxious or frustrated.

“Fine, but can you keep on the lookout.” You spoke your eyes growing wide, the feeling of panic rushing through your veins when the doorbell sounded. “Looks like I don’t need to.” Seungkwan grabbed your brush and handed it to you before exiting your room, closing the door behind him. “Don’t change or I’ll come in here and drag you out in whatever terrible outfit you have on.” He scolded the sound of his feet getting softer as he neared the front of the apartment.

You sighed putting down your brush and smoothed out your hair as much as you could before tying in back in a loose half up and half down style. You slowly counted to ten putting on your earrings and the rings you could find on top of your messy dresser. You gave yourself one last look, whispering words of encouragement and walked out. Seungkwan and Seokmin’s animated voices getting louder as you got closer to the living room.

“Tell Hoshi I’m expecting his payment by tonight.” Seungkwan jokes. Seokmin threw his head back in laughter, making you roll your eyes.  

“Sorry for keeping you waiting.” You cleared your throat, putting your cross-body bag on and gripping the leather strap tightly to keep your hands from shaking. Seokmin’s laughter died down as he turned to face you, a blush appearing on his cheeks as he took in your appearance. “It’s okay I didn’t wait long.” He shook his head smiling, he extended his free hand to you before quickly exchanging it with the one that held the flowers. “These are for you. I wasn’t sure if I should get you the daisies, the roses, or the lilies so I got you all three.” His nervous eyes left yours and looked around looking for another point of focus.

“I love them, thank you so much.” You took them from him, holding them close, a color of array of emotions bursting inside of you making you feel as if you were being reborn.

“Alright, you two get out of here, go have fun.” Seungkwan broke the silence taking your flowers from you. He gave you a pointed look as he shuffled the two of you out. “Have her home by midnight.” He opened the front door signaling the two of you out. “Will do, it was nice seeing you again Seungkwan.” Seokmin walked out leaving you behind to follow him through the compressed doorway.

“I’m terribly sorry about him.” You sent Seungkwan a glare, his tongue poking out at you in a teasing manner before shutting the door.

“He should meet the rest of my friends. I think they’d get along very well.”

Seokmin and you walked in silence, your hands brushing against one another daring to feel each other’s warmth. The sweet melodies of the night life filling in the pockets of the comfortable silence that was lingering in the air around you. A few sorry’s and excuse me’s were exchanged by oblivious passer-byes making the two of you exchange inconspicuous stares. Smiles etching from side to side, cheeks flushing dark crimson. Your hearts matching time unbeknownst to the outside world.

You tried to come up with anything to say though you ended up falling short. Even though the silence that was between the two of you was loud, blaring in forms of sirens. It wasn’t enough to overwhelm you, and for that you were thankful.

“We’re here.” Seokmin finally broke the silence, his shoulders settling to a calm composure. He grabbed the door handle and opened it, stepping aside giving you room to walk in.

The second you did you were hit with a colorful aroma of different tea blends, sweets and spices. The quirky designs and phrases decorating the different walls jumped out at you. And the calm soothing vibe warmed up your insides, calming your nerves.

Seokmin came up behind you finally crossing the line the two of you had unknowingly laid out. “I hope you don’t mind this is my favorite boba shop, I know it’s not ideal, but I was really drawing a blank when you texted me earlier.” Seokmin placed a hand on your shoulder, making your breath hitch as he stood behind you patiently waiting to be attended.

“It’s okay, I love it, plus we have other chances to go on more extravagant dates.” You exaggerated, giving him a warm smile. Seokmin swore he had been lifted up into heaven and dropped once he saw the light on your face.

“I’d love nothing more.” He gave your shoulder a squeeze before wrapping it around your front, gently pulling you close. “T-This okay?” He asked, his voice wavering at the end giving you the indication that he too was unfamiliar with this new ocean the two of you had plunged yourselves into. “Yes, this is perfect.” You answered a little too excited.

“Great, what do you want then?” Seokmin pointed to the menu behind the front counter. You looked up skimming through the various flavors and options silently before turning your head to face him. “Why don’t you choose me?”

“Are you sure, you’re putting a lot of trust in me. This decision could either make or break us.” He joked moving with you as the person in front stepped up to order. You smiled, shaking your head, bringing up a hand and intertwining it with the one Seokmin had around you.

“I guess you better choose wisely then.”

In the end Seokmin ended up ordering four different flavors of boba tea. All this favorite.

The cashier had given the two of you strange looks, probably wondering why the hell two people needed four drinks and it only made you laugh even harder. Seokmin had given you a pointed look before breaking into a smile, that you swore could light up every room. It made your heart skip a beat, fill you up with happiness that you hadn’t felt ever since that day at the park with Vernon. Making you realize that that was the last time you had felt that type of happiness. 

“So why four?”

“I just ordered all my favorites, just in case my favorite favorite wasn’t your favorite.” Seokmin placed two of the drinks down onto the table, the two of you indiscreetly walked too. He waited for you to take your seat before taking his, at his respectful side of the tiny booth.

“So, which one is your favorite favorite?” You leaned your elbows forward toying with the plastic wrap of one of the straws.

“The mango green tea one.” He nodded pushing the drink in question towards you. You snickered, breaking the plastic wrap, lifting your hand to break the lid, stopping short when you noticed Seokmin’s hand covering the lid. “Before you try it, promise me this won’t be our first and last date.” He whispered his eyes all but pleading making your heart sink.

Sighing you brought your hand down, setting the straw aside. You put your hands over his, lifting it up to your lips, giving them a gentle kiss. You couldn’t blame him for asking. You had ignored him for almost three months, only answering his good morning and good night texts. He had every right to doubt you and your word. Without his knowledge you were putting back the pieces that were left behind after five years of living in a perfect illusion. Vernon still lived in the back of your mind, sometimes his memories still made your heart flutter and the what if’s still kept you up at night.

It was a conversation you needed to have with Seokmin, he didn’t deserve to be lied to or kept in the dark, especially because your heart wasn’t all that there yet. And because his was still innocent and pure, but for tonight you would bask in your dream world. Make promises you weren’t sure you could keep yet, because a part of you was starting to desperately cling onto him. 

“Seokmin I promise.”

There was a first time for everything.

And for the first time in your life you had laughed so hard to the point you had milk tea coming out of your nose.

“Sorry.” Seokmin’s demeanor fell, stopping his over dramatic retelling of how he and his friends came to own a pottery studio. He panicked, a troubled expression replacing his soft gaze, scrambling to get a napkin out of the holder. You tried to regain your breathing as he handed you a handful of napkins, but your imagination took over and you doubled over in laughter, your forehead coming down onto the table. The images of Seokmin and his friends dressed as cats, dancing and singing along to the musical soundtrack in order to convince the previous owner to hand over the studio with the first six months of rent paid. Replaying in your mind like a movie reel.

“D-Don’t be t-that’s the funniest thing someone’s ever told me, and I’ve known Seungkwan for half of my adult life.” You panted and placed your hand on your chest, your stomach throbbing in blissful pain. Seokmin smiled, his cheeks blushing red. He reached over cradling your cheek gently, wiping your nose. The situation finally became clear and you flushed in embarrassment.

“You’re cute.” He whispered, his face lighting up before he gave your cheek an awkward kiss from across the table. “I think I’ve embarrassed myself here today more than I have my entire life.” You let out a small laugh, your hand coming up to your forehead and hitting it lightly with the palm of your hand. 

“Like I said, you’re cute.” Seokmin removed your hand, locking his fingers with yours before sitting back in his seat. “Can I come sit over there?” You toyed with the straw of your drink, signaling to the empty space next to him with your head. Seokmin nodded, tugging on your hand lightly signaling that his impatience was close to take over. You removed your hand from his hold and stood up. He eyed you carefully as you smoothed out your dress, the light blue hue brought out the beauty of your smooth skin. It complimented the sparkle that lived behind your eyes making them look as if they held the entire universe behind them.

For the first time in his entire life, Seokmin finally understood the hype around the color blue. 

He wrapped an arm around your shoulder after you sat down. You put your head on his shoulder, blushing when you felt his body stiffen. “Will you take me to the studio one day?” Your index finger coming up to play with the water ring your drinks had left behind on the table.

“If you do me a favor.” He swallowed trying his best to get his body to relax, but it felt as if it were on fire and no amount of water would be able to put it out. “I’m not dressing up as a cat and dancing for you, if that’s what you want.” You looked up as he started to cough, his eyes wide as he choked on air due to your statement. His mind wandered to places it shouldn’t ever wander and he wanted to slap himself mentally as well as physically. You sat up and patted his back, a knowing smile forming on your face and made a mental note to add what you had said to the list of embarrassing things that had happened today.

“N-No nothing like that, t-that wasn’t what I meant.”

“I know I was just messing with you.” You poked his nose and it only made him blush even harder, and it made your ego swell knowing you had such an effect on him. “What is it?”

“Please stop calling me Seokmin, it makes me feel like I’m in trouble with my mom.” He chuckled awkwardly, bringing up a hand to the back of his neck and rubbed it awkwardly. “What do I call you then?” You cocked your head to the side, bringing a hand up to smooth the collar of his button down shirt. It had been bothering you the entire night, but you didn’t have it in you to fix it. Afraid you were crossing a boundary either of you were ready to cross. But seeing as how the events were playing out you assumed it was alright.

“Call me DK.”

“Like the video game character?” Another fit of laughter threatening to break through the surface. Seokmin sighed, shaking his head in disbelief before pulling you close to his body. “Could be, but it’s short for Dokyeom.” He grabbed your hand from his chest and hooked his pinky with yours, swinging them in front of your bodies. You acknowledged, taking in your bottom lip in between your teeth. The butterflies that had been growing throughout the night in the pit of your stomach were having a field day. It was scary, you had only known him for almost three hours, and you were reading to risk it all once again.

“How about I call you baby instead?”

“Say it one more time?” Seokmin had you pressed against the outside wall of your apartment. Your hold on the doorknob faltered as you felt his lips hover over your own. “Baby,” You whispered, finally letting go of the doorknob and wrapping your arm around his neck.

“That’s my new favorite song.” He stated pressing your body closer to his, lifting you away from the wall. “Is that so…baby.” Seokmin groaned hiding his face in the crook of your neck. A tiny laugh falling out of your lips. You wrapped your hands around him, running your hands down his back gently.

“Please let me kiss you.”

Seokmin pleaded, lifting his head up to face you. A teasing smirk settling on your lips as you took the disparity behind his beautiful eyes. “Nope, you haven’t earned that privilege yet.” You pushed him away gently, stepping aside and finally entering the passcode to your front door. 

“Ask me to be your girlfriend first.” You turned the doorknob, his arms snaking around your waist, his breath tickling the shell of your ear, the adrenaline you had felt throughout the night intimidating a breakthrough. 

“Will you be my gir—.” You turned around quickly covering his mouth with your hand, the panic evident behind his glimmering eyes. “Not here, not now Seokmin.” You brought your hand down and he pulled away, taking his arms with him. “You’re right I’m sorry.” He hit his forehead gently with a closed fist, mumbling indiscreetly underneath his breath. For a second you thought you had ruined everything.

“I-I want you to be sure first, I don’t want to rush into anything.” You said as reassuringly as possible, the tiny fear demon in your mind finally coming out to play as it filled you with your doubts “I know, I’m sorry…sometimes I get too carried away, but I meant what I said the first time I met you.” He stuffed his hands inside his pockets, shrugging awkwardly. “I just hope that one day you can tell me what’s holding you back.”

“Seokmin it’s just that I—.”

“You don’t have to tell me today, but I promise I’ll listen to you when you’re ready.” He nodded closing the gap you had created and gave your forehead a gentle kiss. “Goodnight, sleep tight…baby.” He winked before stepping back and walking out of your line of sight leaving you breathless and overwhelmed, to the point where all you wanted to do was cry, because to say the least you were still scared and confused.  

You let out a sigh and turned around punching in the passcode, impatiently waiting for the door to click open. You angrily shuffled inside your apartment, closing the door behind you. You placed your forehead against it, toeing off your shoes and pushing them aside. You took a deep breath and counted to ten before facing Seungkwan who was without a doubt going to be waiting for you to hear all about how your date went. You plastered on your best fake smile, going over points Seungkwan was sure to ask in your head and turned around, expecting to see him on the couch dramatically twirling a glass of Rosé in his hand. 

And you wished that’s what you were met with, but like always the universe had its way of working and for a while it had been working against you. So of course, you were met with Seungkwan, a forgotten bottle of Rosé on the coffee table as he held onto Vernon while he sobbed into his arms.

“W-What’s wrong?”

The minute you laid eyes on Vernon you felt like your whole world collapsed into tiny shards of glass at your feet. You couldn’t breathe. It was as if your lungs were being crushed by two weights of pressure. You stood there in the middle of the living room, your words getting caught at the back of your throat, while Seungkwan ushered a sobbing Vernon out into the balcony of the small apartment. Leaving you behind to deal with your own curses. Seungkwan gave you one last sympathetic look almost as if he were telling you that he had everything under control. Yet, it didn’t help ease your newfound anxiousness as all you wanted to do was run outside and push Seungkwan away to comfort the boy you once loved. The same one a part of your soul still loved and held onto for dear life in fear that one day you would wake up and forget what it was like to ever be loved by him.

It was overwhelming. The feeling bubbled up inside of you as you retreated from the living room and made your way into your own room, looking for an escape. You were met with your four walls and memories that were buried deep into the archives of your mind started to play. Reminding you just how much you truly longed for Vernon. Reminding you just how much craved for his touch. 

It was cruel. The tricks your mind was playing on you and for a moment you let it consume you. Deciding that this was it for you and you had a good but unfortunate run but it was too much for your poor body to handle.

Like that the seconds passed and then came the minutes and eventually four hours had gone by with you having no recollection of what you had done. How you changed out of your blue dress or when you had replied to Seokmin’s text with a simple: I’m fine, miss you already. Another lie you could add onto your belt. Your self hatred growing as time slowed down everything around you making it seem as if you were underwater.

Maybe one day you’ll finally be strong enough to face him and tell him the truth. Open your chest up to him and let him in on your soul crushing secret because he deserved to know the truth. But that time wasn’t now, at least not while you sat against the door frame of your bedroom door. Looking out into a dark lonely hallway hoping that the next person to come through wasn’t the one you wanted to hold.

You wanted to scream out into the void. Scream at the universe for being so cruel. Scream at Seokmin for finding you when you were still hurting. And you wanted to scream at Vernon for showing up in such a state that made you want to drop everything and give him the entire world again. But whenever you opened your mouth nothing but silence came out. Leaving you behind to deal with feelings you didn’t fully understand.

“He wants to see you.” Seungkwan’s voice brought you back down to Earth. You looked up, running your hands over your tear stained face, meeting his pained expression. Another thing you could add to the list of things you hated about yourself.

Seungkwan didn’t deserve to be caught in between two broken people and act as their mediator. He deserved a life where he wasn’t constantly picking up the pieces and breaking his neck to offer comfort to two selfish people that clearly did not deserve it. Every night you found yourself hoping he’d finally realized this. You hoped he’d leave you behind and continue the life he had put on pause for you and Vernon. You hoped he could find better friends that finally saw him as someone more than just a shoulder to cry. Your wishes falling onto deaf ears because he was still here wiping away your tears.

“He wants to talk to you.” He crouched down in front of you and gently flicked your forehead. “I don’t want to see him.” You whispered resting your cheek against your knees as you avoided his eyes and looked out into the dark hallway again. “I’m scared.” A tiny sob fell out of his lips as he sighed, taking a seat in front of you.

“Not as scared as he is right now.” Seungkwan placed a hand on top of your head and smoothed out the frizziness that had occurred over your neglect. “I helped him as much as I could now I’m passing the torch down on to you because I think you can offer him a lot more than what I can.”

“I can’t...a broken person can’t help another broken person. We tried it before and it ended in a mess.”

“Then don’t try to help him and just listen to him.”

“What if I say or do something wrong and I just make everything worse?.” You lifted up your head and met Seungkwan’s frustrated gaze. He ran his soft hands over your cheeks wiping away the tears that had silently started to decorate your face again. He placed a soft comforting kiss against your forehead before standing up and offered you his hands.

“I doubt you can make him feel even worse than he already does.”

You held the beer cans Seungkwan had laughably shoved in your arms close to your chest. Your eyes stung from the salty tears that had been pouring out. It frustrated you because it seemed like the only thing you could do nowadays was cry. It made you feel weak and worthless.

There was a little voice in the back of your head that was scolding you. Telling you to suck it up because whatever was going on with Vernon had nothing to do with you or the beautiful tragic past the two of you shared. You had realized this hours ago, yet you still cried as if you were the one at fault or the one feeling his pain with him. 

That was something the universe didn’t take into account when she had rudely decided to split the two of you up. No matter what happened or where the two of you ended up in life you’d always be connected by a single string. Your life lines belonged to one another, the pain he felt you felt it to. 

Maybe that was the aftermath of this whole soulmate fiasco or maybe it was something you made up to give yourself comfort. But at least he didn’t have to endure it all alone.

You took a deep breath before sliding open the balcony door. The humidity of the summer air hitting you square in the face causing the feeling of suffocation to return. Yet somehow it still sent shivers up your spin as if it were winter. A side effect of being in the presence of your past lover.

His back was turned to you and you would’ve thought he hadn’t noticed you if it weren’t for the awkward shift of his legs and the tension in the air. He looked down at the nightlife that had started to crowd the streets for their daily rituals. A soft hot breeze blew dancing with a few strands of his hair, while the annoying billboard that covered the sky view from your bedroom window casted a faint spotlight on him.

“You wanted to see me?” You cleared your throat and closed the balcony door behind you. Vernon turned around, his swollen eyes and tear stained face matched yours. “Can I give you a hug?” He choked out, his lips trembling slightly. You nodded and placed the beer cans down onto the small patio table before closing the gap between the two of you. A broken sob fell out of his lips when your arms finally found their way around his frame. You held him tightly, breathing in his familiar scent, feeling the goosebumps rise along your arms as you rubbed soothing circles down his back. Your own eyes brimming with tears as you felt him shake in your arms and it broke you.

“What happened?” You broke the silence with the question that had been lingering in your mind for hours. Vernon raised his head and you reached over to gently wipe away his tears with the sleeves of your hoodie. He pulled away from you once you retreated your hands and walked over to the balcony railing, turning his back to you. You were left standing there unsure if you should follow him or keep your feet planted in the spot a few feet away from him.

“I think the world has a personal vendetta against me.” He shrugged, breaking the suffocating silence. You grabbed the beer cans and walked over and stood next to him. “That’s a pretty big claim don’t you think?” You handed him a can. His fingertips slightly brushing over yours, sending a jolt of sparkling shivers up your spine.

“The person I saw myself growing old with turned out to not be the person the universe had picked out for me and the person the universe did pick out for me died last night. I’d say it’s the right claim to make.” He laughed bitterly opening the beer can and taking a generous drink from it.

“L-Last night, Vernon you’re not shitting me are you? I just had lunch with them yesterday.” You shook your head bringing a hand up to your face and slapping your cheeks gently. Your head didn’t want to settle down and your heart was starting to speed up. It was impossible you had seen them not even twenty four hours ago. You had laughed over a funny video on their phone and bonded over a book two of you had been consequently reading.

“You two were friends?” Vernon exclaimed his voice containing hints of underlying shock and confusion. “I guess we were.” You shrugged and opened up your beer can. “I didn’t mean to befriend them at first. I reached out to them after you left cause I knew you were in contact with them and since Kwanie wasn’t telling me anything about you at first. I thought that if I got close to them, they would eventually bring you up and I’d finally know how you were.” You finished bringing the can up to your lips and took a few sips. The bitter taste hitting your tongue making you groan in annoyance.

“Did I come up?” He glanced over at you, a sneaky smirk forming on his lips at your confusion. “Only when they found a way to insert an apology over the events of that night. Even after all the times I had told them that it was fine. That I was fine.”

“Are you fine?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?” You grinned, bumping your hips with his making him stumble. “Everyone already has. I wanted to spice things up for once.” He smiled up at the night sky. You watched making it obvious that you were. The stars sparkled behind his tired eyes reminding you of all the wishes you had made whenever you looked into them. Some of them came true others didn’t and it had torn you apart until one day it didn’t.

“I don’t matter right now Vernon.” You took a sip from your beer cringing at the taste once again. You had to remind yourself that you weren’t drinking for the pleasure, but for the strength you needed to be next to him right now.

Vernon blew out a raspberry and took the last sip of his beer before turning to face you. He grabbed your hand and brought it up to his lips kissing each of your knuckles before placing it on his cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into your touch basking in the feeling of having you next to him again. You took a deep breath as the hand holding his beer can circled around your waist and brought you close. He opened his eyes once he felt your chest against his, soft eyes running over your features carefully taking in everything that had stayed the same but had also subtly changed. Vernon freed your hand letting his fingers run up your arm until they reached your chin.

His touch ignited your insides. The world falling away over the horizon leaving two broken souls behind reveling in each other's warmth once again.

“You will always matter to me.”

You tried everything to keep the tension between the two of you at bay. To keep your focus on his words rather than the way his lips moved as he explained his soulmate’s unfortunate death.

It had been a hit and run and it filled you up with anger. Anger that you had never once had the privilege of experiencing until the words escaped Vernon’s mouth. “I just feel guilty. I never gave them a chance. I ran away when I realized things wouldn’t go back to normal and now I’m sure I’m being punished for it.” Vernon sighed and brought his fourth beer up to his lips, taking a decent sip from it before gazing over at you. His eyes shined as if they held a thousand tiny little universes and you found it difficult to look away.

The space between the two of you disappeared and you found yourselves shifting closer to one another as if pulled by two magnets. Your legs were resting on top of his thighs and his warm hand wrapped around your calves, rubbing soothing circles against your skin. The light of the billboard casted a warm glow onto the two of you making the setting a little more intimate than intended. But neither of you found yourselves complaining. 

“Vernon, don’t say that...they understood our situation and they wanted to wait until you were ready.” You reached over and pushed a fallen strand of his hair back, your heart beating out time and you felt as if the entire world had stopped. It was a known fact that you two were reaching into uncharted territory but neither of you wanted to hit the brakes just yet. Maybe it was the unfinished business between the two of you or the lingering feelings that would always remain. But you had decided to blame it on your vulnerability, the stupid billboard light and the beers shared between the two of you.

Whatever it was, you didn’t want it to stop.

“I think I really could’ve loved them.” Vernon let out a sigh and sat back, his hand squeezing your calf. “Maybe not in the way I loved you, but in a way that could’ve been special between the two of us. I talked to them almost every day and each time I found my heart jumping out of my chest. It was as if I was a kid in high school again scared to comfort their crush.” He sighed and looked up at the sky, silently counting the tiny little dots of light that could’ve been stars or planets from universes across.

You watched him carefully, finally taking in how much he had changed from the last time you saw him. He had grown out a little bit of stubble, slight bags stood underneath his eyes and his cheeks were red from the sun. A clear indication that he had not once thought of putting on sunscreen and you wondered if he did it to hear your voice nagging him in the back of his mind. Or if he finally felt free to do whatever he wanted. Either way he was different, not just physically but there was something about him you couldn’t pinpoint. And it frustrated you because before you would have been able to read him as if he were your favorite book. Now you had lost a few pages along the way and you didn’t know where to turn too anymore.

“So what happens now?” You whispered tilting your head to the side, the droplets of your forgotten beer running down your fingers. He sighed and looked over at you before reaching over and massaging the creases between your brows. He always scolded you about it, told you your face was a piece of art and didn’t need any extra tension. And although you had never believed him before and brushed it off as a joke, the way he was looking at you as if you were his entire world made you believe him.

“Your guess is as good as mine. I can still see the world in all its glory, the colors haven’t faded and I don’t think they will.” He brought his hand down your face and cradled your cheek gently. “I think they were it for me. I just wish we had more time.” He nodded before running his index finger across your cheek and down the bridge of your nose stopping just above your cupid’s bow. “But can I tell you a secret.” His eyes filled with hope as the words spilled out of his mouth.

“As long as you don’t make me keep it.”

“You will always be my favorite color.”

It was wrong.

The way Vernon’s lips danced against the skin of your neck as he pushed you up against your bedroom door, was wrong. He wasn’t yours anymore and you weren’t his but you felt the flame burn deep inside you. One that had gone out long before the universe took the man in front of you away. You were feeling it again and letting it consume your entire being. You didn’t want it to stop. 

“We have to be quiet.” You moaned out, fingers playing with the hem of your old graphic tee that you were sure had belonged to him. From what you could remember it had smelled like him once and somewhere along the creases he had left his mark.

“Seems a bit challenging for you.” He teased and pulled away, his lips leaving your skin making you feel empty. He smirked and circled his arms around your waist letting them travel down your back and landing on your ass before giving it a squeeze making you yelp in surprise. He chuckled and pulled you close, “Thought you said we needed to be quiet?” He quirked an eyebrow before leaning down letting his lips hover above yours.

“F-Fuck...just kiss me already.” You whimpered and wrapped your arms around his neck and brought his head closer, but he restrained from closing the gap and you let out a desperate whine. “I miss you angel, I miss you so much I don’t think I can hold myself back anymore.” He confessed his words making their way into your heart and locking themselves in. The little voice in the back of your head yelling at you to stop but you pushed it aside, desperate to feel his warmth again.

“Then don’t”

Vernon’s lips crashed onto yours barely letting the words leave your mouth. You could taste the bitter alcohol on his breath, a reminder that neither of you where in the right mind to be doing this. Yet the fire between the two of you grew. You found yourself ignored the flaring alarms going off in your head again as you kissed him back with the same hunger he was kissing you.

He tapped the side of your hip and mumbled an almost incoherent jump and you obeyed, wrapping your legs around his waist while he held you as close as he could. He pushed the two of you away from the door, his lips desperately dancing against yours. The crude sounds the two of you were making bounced off your bedroom walls and you were sure the two of you were being anything but quiet.

Vernon pulled away and carried you over to your desk removing everything he could before setting you down on top of you. You pushed yourself against him letting the back of your hand brush against the collar of his shirt. He smirked and gave it a tiny peck before finally bringing your shirt over your head and throwing it somewhere behind him.

“Still as beautiful as I remember.” He hummed your face heated up as he attacked your neck again. This time making sure he was leaving his mark on you one last time. You threw your head back moaning his name lost in the pleasure he was giving you when your peripherals caught sight of something that made your heart stop.

The faded yellow of the withered sunflower’s Seokmin had given you were now staring at you in disapproval. You felt your breathing regain speed and it wasn’t because of the way Vernon’s lips traveled down the navel of your breasts. No, it was because reality finally decided to hit you and you were once again planted back down onto Earth.

“Vernon stop.” You choked out. The flame inside of you dying and quickly replacing itself with the poison fear brought with it. Vernon stopped his movements and pulled away as fast as he could. You saw the concern wash over his soft features as his eyes ran all over your face. “What happened, did I do something wrong?” His words raced out of his lungs at the speed of light and he cradled your face in his hands. The tears soon started up again as Seokmin’s laugh rang in your ears. His broken face staring back at you when you had denied him earlier that evening made you feel as if you were the worst human being on planet Earth.

“W-We can’t do this Vernon.” You shook your head trying to avoid his gaze and placed a hand against his chest before pushing him away. Vernon sighed, letting his eyes land on your flower face and somehow he had finally understood what happened. “I know, I’m sorry...I should’ve stopped the minute I kissed you.” His shoulders fell letting the guilt wash over him like a tidal wave. His confession left you broken but he didn’t try to fight you or himself. Instead he created the space you need to breathe and looked around your room for your shirt.

“It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have egged you on.” You pushed yourself off your desk not caring about the things that had fallen onto the floor and grabbed your shirt from Vernon’s hand. He grinned watching you slip it on before sitting down at the edge of your bed, his forearms resting on his knees.

“We’ve got to be the most fucked up people in this cruel world.” He laughed letting himself fall back onto your bed. You shook your head before sitting down next to him. “Maybe we did something to piss someone off in our past lives and now we’re paying for it.” You shrugged, poking his side lightly making him fold over from the jab that ran through his body.

“Whatever it was...it must’ve been bad.” Vernon mumbled and looked up at your ceiling. The silence raining down over the two of you like a protective shield. Your heart was starting to return to its normal state but the guilt and confusion consumed you greatly. You knew you wouldn’t sleep tonight. You wanted to ask Vernon to stay and keep you company and you almost did as you watched him shut his eyes, peace washing over his body and you wondered what it was like to be held by this new version of him. But you quickly pushed those thoughts aside deciding that there were boundaries you needed to start setting up for both of your sakes.

After all, neither of you belonged to each other anymore.

“Where are you going to sleep?” You finally broke the silence after sitting in it for what felt like hours. He opened his eyes slowly blinking back the sleep as he sat up. “Probably the couch.” He stood up running a hand through his hair before turning to face you. His eyes bore into yours gently and you knew there was something he wanted to tell you but whatever it was it looked like you had to live without knowing because what came out of his mouth was not what you had expected. “I’ll see you in the morning.” He nodded before walking over to your door.

“Goodnight Hansol.” You whispered making him stop dead in his tracks, his birth name falling foreign onto his untrained ears. There was a time in his life where he loved the way your voice danced whenever you said it, but now he realized that he didn’t anymore and that was the hardest pill he would ever have to swallow. So he gave you the gift of a small nod before exiting your room, leaving you behind in your cold bedroom. Your soul felt as if it were in a pool of muddy water and all you wanted to do was call Seokmin, apologize and tell him everything.

“Can you please talk to me?” 

You trailed behind Seungkwan as he pushed the shopping cart into the frozen aisle of the grocery store. 

A week had passed since you accidentally found yourself pinned against your bedroom door with Vernon. A week had passed since the two of you decided to finally start setting boundaries for one another after Seungkwan had scolded the two of you like teenagers on the couch. Since then he had been giving the two of you the silent treatment. A punishment until you and Vernon came to terms with how wrong your actions had been, or so that’s what Seungkwan claimed. 

You knew you had been in the wrong, you knew you should’ve never let it get as far as it did. The disgusting guilt consumed you whenever you saw Vernon wander around the apartment like he owned the place. It tugged on your heartstrings whenever Seungkwan glared at you for standing an inch too close to your ex lover. It feasted upon your flesh whenever you stayed up until the morning dew fogged up your windows, talking to Seokmin. Nothing between the two of you was official yet, and that had been your doing because you couldn’t seem to find a way to confess to him without hurting him and yourself in the process. 

“Nope, not until you tell Dokyeom what happened.” Seungkwan huffed, stopping the shopping cart in front of the frozen pizza freezer. It was your weekly movie night. It had surprised you when Seungkwan brought it up in passing over breakfast that morning because you had assumed with how things were going, and now that Vernon had decided to stay, he would’ve cancelled it. 

“I will, I promise I will. I-I just don’t know how or when.” You walked in front of Seungkwan and opened the freezer door reaching in to grab the triple cheese stuffed crust frozen pizza. “I don’t want to hurt him.” You sighed as you placed down the large box inside of the cart that was filled with an assortment of junk food. 

“That’s the problem BooBoo the fool, you hurt him the second you let Vernon inside your heart again.” He held the freezer door open and reached inside grabbing the frozen hawaiian pizza, making you scrunch your face in disgust. In all the years you had known Seungkwan his taste in pizza was the only flaw he had, though he claimed it was an acquired taste that only the elite understood.

“What am I supposed to do then Kwanie, Vernon will always hold a piece of my heart whether I want him to or not. I spent half a decade loving him and shit like that can’t be forgotten in a few months.” You took liberty in closing the freezer door after Seungkwan had finished grabbing everything else you needed for the movie night. “I feel like you’re being really unfair right now.” 

“I’m not saying you should forget about Vernon, the guys living with us for crying out loud. And he is my best friend, but I’m trying to get you and him to realize that your story together is over and has been for a while. It sucks that the two of you got ripped away from one another, but you know how I always tell you that everything happens for a reason?” Seungkwan glanced over at you while you nodded along to what he was saying, “Then there’s a reason why the two of you were never meant to be.”

“And what reason could that be?”

“Let him go and you’ll find out.”

Whoever reserved Wednesday nights as movie nights, deserves the guillotine. 

Though as much as you hated that they were planted in the smack middle of the week. You will  never complain about it out loud, because you knew it had been your idea to hold them every Wednesday after a very heated argument with Seungkwan that you surprisingly had won. But if you dared to ever mutter out a complaint, he would make sure to never let you hear the end of it. 

“One movie, I have to wake up early for my job interview tomorrow.” You pleaded looking over at the clock that hung over the t.v, that also didn’t work. You had promised you would change the batteries to it months ago but forgotten. You suspected that the only reason Seungkwan hadn’t taken matters into his own hands was because he wanted it to serve as an annoying reminder for you. 

“Wait, you have a job interview?” Vernon exclaimed in surprise as he walked out of the kitchen in a hurry with the pizza box burning his hands. “Yeah, at the school a few blocks away from here.” You shrugged, throwing the pillows you were carrying in your hands onto the makeshift fort the three of you had tried to create. Keyword tired, it was falling apart the more you stared at it. 

“You’re going to be a teacher again?” Vernon’s face lit up as he set down the pizza box onto the coffee table that had been decorated to the T with all the junk food you and Seungkwan brought home. Seungkwan cleared his throat as he came into the living room again, his arms overflowing with all the blankets he could find. He threw them down landing on top of the pillows you had once held in your hands, before crossing his arms in front of him, closely eyeing the two of you.

You rolled your eyes and turned your attention to Vernon who had taken it upon himself to start digging into the hawaiian pizza, “I hope so, a job position opened up last week so I decided to send in my resume and they called me on Monday to schedule an interview.” 

“That’s great--ow, bubs, I’m really happy for you.” Vernon said as he fanned his mouth after stupidly biting into the fresh out of the oven pizza. You nodded and turned to face Seungkwan who was glaring at Vernon while he ate his precious fit for royalty pizza. 

“Let’s hope I get it, nothing is set in stone yet.” 

“They’d be fools to not hire you. You’re amazing. I know they’d fall for you the second they hear how passionate you are about teaching.” Vernon assured as he blew onto his pizza, stopping to look at you for a split second, “I know I did.” He shrugged before tearing his eyes away from yours and taking another bite out of his pizza, making an O shape with his mouth to avoid getting burned again. 

It was strange. If Vernon would have told those exact words last week out on the balcony, you would’ve melted at his feet. You would’ve never stopped him from going any further and you would’ve probably tried to erase Seokmin from your mind. But hearing those words escape Vernon’s pink lips now that he stood in your living room arguing with Seungkwan about hawaiian pizza. His words did nothing for you. They didn’t make your heart race, they didn’t make your palms sweat and they didn’t make your ears flare up in heat. 

The only thing his words did was etch their way into your heart and fill you up with nostalgia, but not the kind that had you longing for his touch. The kind that made you happy that you had once been able to call him yours once. Maybe it was sign or step one of you finally being able to move on.

“Thanks Soli, I’ll keep that in mind.” 

You were pacing in front of the main office for what seemed like hours, trying to calm your nerves down. You figured that moving around was better than sitting still and letting your thoughts race through your head, while you were at stand still. Though pacing wasn’t working either because your interview was scheduled to be at nine and it was nearing ten, and the dirty looks from the receptionist wasn’t helping your case either. 

“Jeonghan I don’t know what you want me to do? I already sat down with the two of them and told them violence is never the answer.” The door to the administration office finally opened making the receptionist sigh out a sign of relief. As you scrambled to collect the stuff you had placed down on the waiting chairs behind you, you made a mental note to apologize to her before you left today. 

“Seokmin don’t worry about it...I’ll contact the parents and see where we can go from there.” You felt the air catch itself in your throat as you slowly turned around to meet a very worried looking Seokmin. He hadn’t noticed you yet and you hoped he wouldn’t because the last thing you needed was to have him running through your mind during your interview. So, you stood there looking like a deer caught in the headlight while he continued chatting with the other man next to him. His voice filled with concern and it made your heart swell knowing how much he seemed to care about the issue at hand. 

“Oh you must be here for the new teacher position right?” An unfamiliar voice sounded making you jump out of your days and thank god it did because you were about to let your mind wander to what having kids with Seokmin would be like. And that was something you weren’t ready to imagine, especially not when he looked good enough to eat in his work clothes.

“U-Um yeah I’m--”

“Sweetheart, what are you doing here?” Seokmin finally noticed you. The excitement in his voice made the heat flare up along your face and you tightened your hold on your things pressing them against your chest,  as your eyes traveled from his sparkling ones to the very shocked ones of the receptionist and finally landing on the man next to him who was out of this world confused. “Sweetheart? You two know each other?” He questioned signaling to the space between you and Seokmin with his index finger. 

“Hannie this is the girl I’ve been telling you guys about.” 

“Oh, the one you never shut up about.” He nodded, sending you a knowing wink. Was there anything worse than your possible future boss finding out you were in cahoots with one of his teacher’s before actually getting the job? Probably not because you were currently wishing for the ground to swallow you up. But it made you feel a little better knowing Seokmin was wishing the same thing, judging from the redness of his cheeks. 

“I-I’m here to get interviewed for the new teacher position.” You nodded reassuring yourself more than anything. “I didn’t know you were a teacher, I thought you owned a pottery studio?” You looked at Seokmin who was cutely rubbing the back of his neck as he giggled underneath his breath. Your heart convulsing and now you weren’t so sure you wanted the job if it meant having your heart erupting out of your chest twenty four seven, seven days a week.

“I do, but Minghao runs it during the week with our other friend Mingyu. Soonyoung and I are in charge of it during the weekends.” He smiled and took a step forward ignoring the looks Jeonghan and the receptionist were giving one another, and somehow you knew this whole situation was going to be the hot topic of the week in the teacher’s lounge. “I’m really glad you’re here.” He finally closed the distance before pulling you in for a hug, “I’ll make sure to put in a good word for you.” He whispered before kissing your temple lightly and pulling away. 

“Alright, lovebird you have a science class to teach and I have an interview to conduct.” Jeonghan voiced shooing Seokmin with his hands making your sweet lover boy laugh. 

“Good luck baby.” Seokmin threw you a kiss before exiting the main office, the door closing in behind him. Leaving you alone and deserted with your smirking future boss and nosey receptionist. Your nerves had subsided to almost nothing but now your mind was consumed with Seokmin and you weren’t sure if you were going to survive your interview without letting your mind wander to the loving future that was creeping up on you. 

Jeonghan huffed and turned on his heels signaling for you to follow him, “I hope you know that just because my best friend and one of my teachers is head over heels for you, doesn’t mean you get special treatment. I still need to make sure you’re right for the job, and let me tell you sweetheart you have competition.”

“I didn’t expect you to go easy on me anyway.” 

Jeonghan closed the file he had in front of him before lacing his fingers together on top of them and leaned forward, eyeing you closely. “Can I give you some advice?” Jeonghan titled his head, his glasses that didn’t have lenses sliding off the bridge of his nose. The entire time he was interviewing you had tried your best to not laugh at his ridiculous antics. But seeing as this was your first and most likely last time you were going to see him, you figured that you would keep it to yourself for now.

“U-Um yeah...of course.” You rushed out a little too eagerly, your nerves once again getting the best of you. They had been in control for the twenty minutes Jeonghan had been interviewing you, but now as he stared you down, you felt your nerves coming crashing down like an ocean wave.

“I’m hesitant on hiring you, your track record is spotless and you’re probably the best candidate for the job--” He sighed and ran a bony hand through his dark hair while leaning back in his chair. You knew your rejection was coming but you didn’t expect it to be so soon. You were hoping to at least make it home cry about how awful your interview had gone before burying yourself in a pint of cookie dough ice cream while Seungkwan lectured you all whilst simultaneously trying to keep your hopes up.

“--But I don’t know how I feel about two of my teacher’s dating, especially if you’re going to have the evidence on full display.” He raised his pen and pointed to the side of your neck where you knew Vernon’s evidence was still on you, a reminder of the sin you had committed a week ago. Your eyes grew wide as you panicked and slapped your hand on the side of your neck. A smirk appeared on Jeonghan’s face as he smugly crossed his arms in front of him. The realization hit you a little too late because now it became clear that he was only testing you and sadly you had failed.

“I’m sorry, um...I--I.” You shook your head, your hand falling down slowly and landing on your lap. There was nothing you could say in order to fix your mistake, you could only hope that Jeonghan wasn’t one of those people who loved to gossip because the last thing you wanted was to ruin a relationship that hadn’t gotten the chance to blossom. “Can you please not tell Seokmin.” A soft whisper fell from your lips, aware that you were throwing yourself under the bus, but what else could you do?  You had already lost the job, you didn’t want to lose Seokmin as well, at least not yet.

“Ah, so it’s not from Dokyeom...bummer I was ready to tease him about it all week..” He shrugged and leaned his elbows on his desk along with his body. “So you’re two timing him? And here I was starting to believe that our precious Dokyeom had finally found love.” He tsked, shaking his head, “I must say I’m incredibly disappointed, I thought I was the cruel one.” 

“No, no, no, it’s not like that, it’s just--,” Your hands had started to shake on your lap, underneath Jeonghan’s amused stare. “--it’s complicated, more than you can imagine.” The confession stumbled out and you heard him let out a dry laugh. 

“I have no doubt in my mind that whatever the situation is, is not an easy one but I suggest figuring your shit out before roping in one of my friends. Dokyeom has been through enough and I have no idea how he still keeps that smile of his on his face knowing the shit he’s been through.”

“I know, I’m sorry, I know you don’t believe me but I have been trying.” 

“You’re right I don’t but I’m also not the one that needs to believe you.” He shrugged standing up from his chair and rounded the corner of his desk, stopping in front of you and leaning against it. “This isn’t a conversation you and I need to have, and all I ask of you is to have it with the person that’s meant to hear your words.” 

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” you nodded and smoothed down the wrinkles of your dress. “Thank you for the interview.” 

“Cheer up princess.” He laughed and extended his hand in front of him for you to take. You looked up at him hesitantly before grabbing his hand and letting him pull you up. “You got the job.” He smiled before letting go of your hand and walking towards his office door leaving you behind as you tried to figure out if you heard him right. “Now come on it’s almost lunchtime, I’m starving and we have a ton of paperwork to sign.”

“Wait you’re not shitting me are you?” 

“If I was, I would’ve told you to leave the second you answered my first question, now let’s go.” He signaled you over while opening the door. You scrambled tripping over the leg of the chair you had just been sitting in making him roll his eyes. Now you understood why he had called himself the cruel one because Yoon Jeonghan was quite literally the reincarnation of the devil. 

“Excuse my language but you’re an asshole.” 

“I’ve been called worse sweetheart.” 

“Are we celebrating?” Seungkwan’s voice excitedly boomed through the speaker of your phone as you climbed up the steps of your apartment building. After you had gone through the mountain of paper’s that Jeonghan and the school district had you signing. You had declined his offer on having lunch with him and all the other teachers, giving him the poor excuse of already having lunch plans with your best friend. You could tell he wanted to say something but instead he bid you farewell before telling you to come over on Friday after school for a tour of the school, as well as to show you where your classroom was going to be. “Please tell me we’re celebrating, I already sent Hansol to buy the cake, the streamers, balloons, champagne and the pizza.” 

“I get my classroom on Friday and I start next Wednesday.” You voiced while punching in the code to enter your building, the buzzer sounded indicating that you could enter the lobby. You heard screaming from the other side of the phone followed by shushing noises. “Focus on your job Kwanie.” 

“But this is more exciting,” He whined, making you shake your head in disbelief. If Seungkwan wasn’t the best entertainment lawyer at his firm you were sure he would’ve been fired ages ago. “How’d the interview go, I’m guessing good because now you’re employed.”

“It went awful, trust me I was expecting to still be unemployed.” You pressed the button to the elevator, watching as the numbers counted down slowly. The anticipation of getting into your bed again was killing you as the numbers got closer to the ground floor. “Then how do you have a job now?” Seungkwan questioned before letting out a gasp at the same time the elevator dinged announcing it’s rival. “You didn’t...you know, do inappropriate things to get the job did you?” 

“I’m offended that you’ve known me for years and yet still think so lowly of me.” You entered the elevator and pressed the number to your floor, leaning against the elevator railings and watched as the doors closed in front of you. “Of course I didn’t.”

“I don’t know after what happened last week, I feel like I don’t know you anymore.” 

“Jeonghan lectured me already about this after my interview. I don’t need you hanging it over my head again.” 

“Wait bubs, who’s Jeonghan.”

“Oh, my boss.” The elevator stopped and slowly opened its doors. You pushed yourself off the wall and walked out, bringing your purse in front of you to fish out the keys to your apartment. “I think you two would get along, you're both equally as cruel.” 

“I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult, but I don’t have time to be offended because now I’m just confused. How does he know?” 

“Surprise! Seokmin is my co-worker and I ran into him before my interview--”

“He’s your coworker and your future baby daddy. This is wild bubs I would not like to have a love story like yours… no offense.” 

“Whatever Kwanie, the point is the demon that is my ex boyfriend left a hickey on me last week and it still hasn’t gone away. So my boss saw, lectured me about it and somehow I ended up with the job.” You sighed, dropping your key back into your purse and pushed your already opened front door with the toe of your shoe. Vernon always had a habit of never closing the door completely and it had terrified you a few times, especially when word got around that there was a serial robber on the loose in the area the two of you used to live in. 

“Maybe you heard wrong, are you sure you got the job?” Seungkwan questioned and you could almost picture the raise of his eye brow along with his scold. “This doesn’t sound like you got the job to me, maybe you should call them just to make sure.” 

“I got it, I already signed all the paperwork.” You shook your head toeing off your shoes, noticing that Vernon’s vans were missing, which meant he still wasn’t home and you had maybe a few minutes of peace to yourself.

“This all sounds a little too suspicious now, but congratulations I’m proud of you...I guess.” 

“Thanks you’re the best, I’ll call you later I think I’m going to shower so I can contemplate all my life choices.” You said holding your phone between your ear and shoulder as you placed your stuff down on top of the kitchen counter. “Also pizza two days in a row are you okay?”

“I’m fine, can’t say the same thing about you though.” He scoffed. “I’m going now I hope your shower makes you realize how stupid you have been lately.” He spoke before hanging up without letting you get a word in. Sighing you brought the phone down from your ear setting it down next to you. Your thoughts were jumbled and jumping around from one thing to another. You wished you weren’t so scared of confessing something to someone, especially if that someone was starting to become the reason why you kept waking up and getting out of bed every passing day. But you also knew you were hurting him more letting the days pass and keeping him in the dark. Needless to say your life had become a mess in the span of a few months and some days you found yourself wondering how you could return it. 

Jeonghan told me…

Your phone buzzed making you jump. You grabbed it quickly watching as Seokmin’s contact name stared at you brightly, along with his message making your heart race. You cursed at yourself for trusting that the snake would keep your secret sealed behind his thin lips. And maybe he had hired you out of spite but whatever it was you were already typing your overdue apology in hopes you could at least salvage the tiny piece of Seokmin’s heart that he had selfishly given to you. 

Congratulations baby, dinner on Friday to celebrate?

Your fingers stopped as you let out an embarrassing sigh of relief, silently apologizing to Jeonghan. Quickly you erased the few sentences you had managed to write out before typing out a reply. You weren’t sure what spirit had possessed you but, who's ever it was, gave you the confidence you needed to hit send, because you knew what you were about to do was going to possibly ruin whatever relationship you had with Seokmin or save it. But you were tired of walking on eggshells not only around him but also around Vernon. He needed to know and you needed to finally let go. 

I’ll cook, I want you to meet some people.

Vernon walked into the apartment with everything Seungkwan had sent him out to get before leaving for work that morning. The bags he had been carrying for blocks were cutting the circulation in his arms, his fingers burning sweetly from the plastic. How they hadn’t fallen dead on the sidewalk a couple of blocks back was a mystery to him, and in truth the pain didn’t bother him until now, while he toe-d off his shoes as fast as possible. He felt his arms start to give up so he dropped them, like he usually did and let out an enormous sigh of relief. The circulation coming back into his arms at a rapid rate. 

He stretched his hands out mumbling incoherently. Coming to a stop when he saw your distressed form leaning against the fake marble of the kitchen counter. Phone clutched tightly in your palm, breaking the circulation, much like the plastic bags had done to him. Before, he could stop myself, he ran over to you. Stumbling over his shoes. The groceries and the tingling feeling on his fingers, from the blood returning to them, long forgotten. All he could think about was you and what was going through your mind. 

Without hesitation he wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face into your neck as he felt your body grow stiff against his. The pang hitting him like a wave of unwanted air giving his heart a run for its money. “Are you okay?” He whispered bringing you close, hoping his comfort would somehow bring you at ease. He was never really good at comfort. He had learned that early on in your relationship, but he always tried as best as he could. Affection had been his major weak point, but now that he had lost you it had become his strongest suit. 

“No Vernon, I’m not.” You swallowed the lump of anger that had been lodged into the back of your throat before gripping his arms with your hands and prying them off. Vernon was taken back, the void returning to his chest and you tried your best to shoulder past him. “You almost costed me my job today.” His arms fell at their sides, your words catching him off guard.

No matter how many arguments the two of you had had during your past relationship, he had never heard you use this before. The venom became permanent, interweaving itself with the strings of your vocal chords and for the first time he had realized that he had finally lost you. 

“Me?” He questioned, standing dumbfounded. A shaking finger coming to view pointing to his chest. “What do you mean I almost ruined your chances at you getting a job. I’ve only been home and at the grocery store?” 

Vernon ran a wary hand through his dark looks, the confusion written all over his face when you glanced at him and pushed past him a little too forcefully. He tried to recall anything he could’ve done for you to look at him in such an unpleasant way, but his mind came to a halt stopping in front of a white wall. All he could remember was trying his best to stay away from you and failing. 

Every night he sat in front of your bedroom door while you talked on the phone for hours. He missed the sound of your laugh. He knew it was never going to be directed towards him anymore, but he would never get tired of it. At least it was a distraction, as unpleasant as it may have been at times. His life was ruined and his search for cheap apartments big enough for himself was starting to become a bust. 

He wasn’t stupid. As much as you and Seungkwan had tried to mask your distaste for his return. He knew he wasn’t welcomed and he was made more aware of it now that he could feel your anger caging him in. 

“This Vernon!” You yelled as he came out of his daze. His eyes widened when he saw you unbutton the first few buttons of your blouse, the nude of your bra peeking out making him swallow thickly. “This is why I was almost not hired today.” You pointed at the faded hickeys he had left behind. A year ago he would’ve smirked while making a slick comment before attacking you. The giggle would fall out of your lips as he led you to the couch while he deepened the lovebites he had previously made. 

Now he stayed put, watching the angry tears fall from your eyes and instead of feeling sorry. He was now starting to shed his calm composure letting it get replaced by a year’s worth of anger. He let it consume him, because he had had enough. 

It wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair that you and Seungkwan were faulting him for something that hadn’t been entirely his fault. 

“Did you get undressed in order to get the job? Were you really that desperate. Did he not like the fact that you were whoring yourself around when he saw another man’s mark on you?” He spat out, barely processing what he had said. His fist balling up at his sides while yours did the same thing. “I knew you were capable of things but this is a new low that I should’ve seen coming.” 

Vernon had never once said anything hurtful to you, he had given  silent treatments, left the house in fits of rage; but never anything hurtful. You were caught by surprise, your heart beating out of your chest angrily and tears flowed at a rapid rate. This was a new side of him and you supposed he was also seeing a new side of you. It made you wonder if you had truly known one another as well as you once prided yourself in. 

You forcefully threw down your stuff onto the coffee and took fast, long strides over to him. “Fuck you Vernon, I wish I had never met you.” You forced out jabbing your index finger into his chest as hard as you could, hoping you’d be able to hurt him even further like he had done to you. 

He stayed, not budging, looking down at you with an overwhelming amount of disgust. “You’ve ruined my life.” The whisper escaped your lungs before you could stop it, but the damage had already been done. The two of you had been stripped off of everything, left with nothing. Two once perfect colorful arrays of canvases now painted white. What more did you have to lose?

“And you’ve ruined mine.” He emphasized, making sure each word, each syllable was laced with the same amount of poison he was being consumed with. He wanted them to take a piece of your soul. The same way yours did with his.

It was the final blow he needed to deliver to finally be able to walk out of your life for good. To finally forget the way your presence had his heart doing somersaults. To finally realize he was and had never been yours to begin with. 

Vernon shook his head in disbelief blinking back the angry tears. He grabbed your wrist and slowly peeled your fingers away from his shirt he hadn’t noticed you were clinging onto. His body was shaking just like yours. Emotions he was now experiencing for the first time consuming him slowly. He pushed you away gently, a stark contrast from the hurtful words he had said earlier and quickly made his way to the front door. Hastily putting on his shoes, mumbling underneath his breath. He ignored the groceries again, and tripped over every miscellaneous item that was decorating the floor as he opened the front door. 

Déjà vu hit you like a tsunami, shaking arms wrapped around your torso, sobs falling out of your mouth as you watched him leave just like you had many times before. This time he didn’t love you enough to want to come back. 

When the world had once still revolved around you and Vernon, your fights would never last as long as this one had. It had lasted two days and six hours, but who’s counting? 

You were avoiding one another like the plague not wanting to admit fault. 

“Are you spaced out again?” Seokmin’s voice sounded through the speaker of your phone. You don’t know when the nightly facetime calls became routine, but they were the only thing you look forward to now. Especially after the nasty argument with Vernon two days and six hours ago. 

“Sorry Min.” You shake your head and turn to the side bringing your blanket up to your chin. “What were you saying again?” 

“I’m sorry we had to move dinner to tomorrow night, I forgot I had to babysit my nephew.” He pouted at the camera before turning his attention back to washing the dishes he had used for dinner. 

Since the two of you hadn’t been able to physically have dinner together to celebrate, you figured that having dinner with him through facetime was better than nothing. To keep him company of course and not because he filled the void you had been feeling for days on end. 

The entire time you were holed up in your room and witnessed how gentle he was when it came to his nephew. It made the butterflies in your stomach dance to the beat of their own drums. Once again you found yourself pushing the thought of Seokmin and children away. It was too soon. 

“Don’t apologize, I enjoyed watching you struggle with Minjae. Personally, baby, I’m a fan of when he calls you Min Min.” Seokmin laughed. His smile reached both ends of his face as he turned the faucet off. He dried his hands on a kitchen towel before grabbing his phone. “When I went to put him to bed he said you were pretty...and I mean he’s not wrong you’re gorgeous sweetheart.” He winked making the apples of your cheeks heat up with the light pink of baby flower petals.You watched as he shut off the lights and walked out of his kitchen, trudging silently through the hallway before reaching his room. 

“Since we’re alone now,” he started shutting the door to his room, “You want to tell me what’s been bothering you for the last few days?” He finished. The small complaint falling out of your lips as you hid underneath your blanket. It was amazing how in such a short amount of time Seokmin had been able to read you like a book from start to finish. 

It had taken Vernon a full year to be able to decipher the hidden meaning behind your words.

Vernon...you hated how much he was consuming your thoughts. Even when Seokmin was around. It felt like a curse with no cure. “Just got into a small argument with an old friend.” 

“Have you tried talking to them?” Seokmin walked around before placing his phone down and unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt. “You won’t be able to fix anything if the two of you haven’t talked.” 

“I can’t Seokmin, I said some hurtful things to him and honestly I shouldn’t have said them. I was angry over a situation that wasn’t entirely his fault.” You sighed, removing the blanket from your head and flopping down on your back. “If he didn’t hate me before he does now.” 

“I don’t know what happened with your friend, but I don’t think he hates you. Just try and talk to him and clear the air.” He nodded before laying down on his bed, grabbing the pillow and hugging it. “It doesn’t hurt to at least try.” 

You smiled and nodded. He looked breathtaking underneath the dim light of his room, “If you’re going to be right all the time, I think I might want a refund...again”

“Don’t say that baby...I’ll let you be right on odd days.” 

Saturday night came faster than you had anticipated and somehow you had managed to burn spaghetti. 

Your day had been awful and you were hoping that when nightfall came everything would’ve gotten better. Your wish had fallen on to deaf ears because you had burned spaghetti, Vernon was acting like a grade A asshole, and Seungkwan was ignoring you. 

When Seokmin had arrived. On time. He had found you scrambling in the kitchen trying to remake your famous (easy) pasta dish. Seungkwan and Vernon were arguing over the correct way to set a table...it was chaos.

 Neither of them were correct but you didn’t care enough to correct them. They weren’t talking to you either way. 

When you had managed to finally finish dinner. With the help of Seokmin. He had insisted after he saw how stressed out you looked, the four of you sat in complete silence. Seokmin at your side, holding your hand underneath the table, Vernon eyeing him down like he was his prey and Seungkwan mindlessly scrolled through his phone. The clinking of utensils and your heavy breathing was the only thing that was heard. 

You wanted to die. 

“Um...so I know Seungkwan, but I don’t know you. I’m Seokmin.” He nodded in Vernon’s direction before taking a bite of his pasta. You watched as Seungkwan locked his phone and put it down. His eyes traveled between the two male figures before they settled on yours and you watched as he slightly shook his head.

“I know who you are, you’re the one that she stays up talking to.” He signaled in your direction before setting down his fork and leaning into his chair, crossing his arms in front of him. “I’m Hansol but you can call me Vernon.” 

“Cool...so Vernon, how do you know each other?” Seokmin let go of your hand. The warmth and ease you had felt disappearing as you saw the two of them eye each other. As far as you could tell Vernon wanted to eat Seokmin alive and Seokmin was simply driven by his curiosity. “Did you just move in?” 

Vernon laughed bitterly before pushing his half eaten plate away from him. “You haven’t told him?” He questioned. The amused evil glint adorning his soft eyes. A look you had never once seen him give anyone and now that it was directed towards you. You were terrified. 

“Hansol don’t!” Seungkwan warned. You felt Seokmin’s body stiffen next to you as he looked over at you, an eyebrow raised. “So we’re just going to sit here and pretend we’re one big happy family when we’re all miserable because of her.” Vernon spat out digging his burning gaze into yours. You jumped and looked over at Seokmin who had retreated into himself. His eyes were burning holes into the pasta in front of him. 

“Min I-I can ex-” 

“What does he mean, what is he talking about?” Seokmin interrupted and pushed his plate away from him. Your appetite was gone and you could only assume everyone else was feeling the same way. 

“Tell him. Why don’t you tell him how you were moaning my name a few days ago just like you had done for the past five years.” 

You panicked, your body shaking in intervals of five and you tried to look for anything to say but your lies had finally caught up to you. The only thing you could do was drown and keep drowning, just like you had been doing before Seokmin came into your life and pulled you out of the water. Now you were pushed into it again and this time you were positive no one was going to risk themselves to save you.“Seokmin w-wait please.” You threw your napkin on the table and stood up, the corners landing into the pasta sauce as you turned to face Seokmin. You extended your arm to grab his hand, only for him to pull it back, ”You were just toying with me.” The legs of the chair scraping against the hardwood floor made you jump. Your body going into survival mode. “I saw the marks on you but I just assumed I had accidentally gotten carried away.” 

“You fucked him too, wo-” 

“Vernon, shut up for once please.” You yelled. Your world came crashing down again just like it had on that winter night; in front of the infamous coffeeshop. Both times had been Vernon’s fault. 

“I-I can’t be here.” Seokmin whispered, running a bony hand through his perfectly styled hair, causing it to messily stick out in random places. He sighed before pushing his char in forcefully as he gathered the few things he had brought with. He stepped on the soles of his shoes, not caring about how uncomfortable he felt. The only thing that was running through his mind was how he needed to get out and far away from you as possible. 

“Why can’t you guys let me handle things at my own pace. I was gonna tell him this is why I invited him but I didn’t want him to find out like this.” You shouted, making Seungkwan and Vernon to look at you as if you were a deer and they were the headlights. You shook your head and stood up running past them and the kitchen towards the door that Seokmin had left wide open. Your vision had gone blurry and you opted out at putting on your shoes. It would be a waste of time and you needed to get to him before he left. You were tired of not fighting for what you wanted and you wanted Seokmin enough that it hurt. 

“M-Min please wait! Let me explain.” Seokmin stopped as he was halfway down the first flight of stairs. 

“I understood. I told you I would wait for you because I knew something had happened to you. Yet I never pushed you to tell me. I started to fall for you, only to find out that you didn’t care that you never cared. T-That there was someone else.”

“I-It’s not like that.” You ran down the flights of stairs, ignoring the small pebbles digging into the skin of your feet. “H-Hansol was my soulmate, bu-”

“Was?”

“Yes Seokmin he was my soulmate, please just give me a chance to explain everything.” You grabbed his hand and brought it up to your heart that was going a mile a minute. “We aren’t together and haven’t been together for a year...i-it’s just complicated.” You pleaded. 

“But you slept with him right after our date I’m guessing?” 

“I-I...a...Seokmin please just let me explain. I didn’t sleep with him. When you left he was here and we talked and then one thing led to another but I stopped him because of you. Because I had the most amazing ti-”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better because it doesn’t.” He rolled his eyes and pulled his hand back, stuffing both of them into the pockets of his coat. Goosebumps rose against your skin. You blamed the cool wind of the beginning autumn months but you were very well aware that it was because of the coldness behind Seokmin’s comforting eyes. “Do you still love him?” 

“M-Min I-I...um. I-” 

“God, I really don’t want to look at you right now, I w-wished I h-had never met you.” He whispered. 

Your knees gave up at the realization of his confession and you fell down onto the concrete step of the stairs. You were numbly looking at his worn out shoes as he stood there wordlessly, broken sounds leaving his perfect lips. A breeze blew and you shivered, “I-I’m sorry.” You whispered before he turned around and started down the rest of the flights of stairs leaving you behind. 

When Vernon left, you were heartbroken. 

When Seokmin left, you wanted to die. 

It’s unclear how you made it back into your apartment on the couch under a plethora of blankets, shivering, teeth clattering against one another. You weren’t sure how long you had been out in the cold waiting, hoping for Seokmin to come back and take you into his arms. To hold your shivering body close to his warm one, while whispering the three words you longed to hear most. 

I forgive you.  

That hadn’t been the case though. You sat out there waiting on the concrete steps as the bitter cold overtook your body, until you couldn’t feel your bones anymore. In the midst of your unwavering head, you had lost track of time. And now you are sitting on your couch, listening to soft shuffles of rushed feets and hushed arguments. Tears frozen onto the apples of your cheeks, staring at the blank wall that sat behind the television set. 

“Hey,” Seungkwan’s voice sounded distant as he tried grabbing your attention, shaking you gently. 

The inside of your head was a mess, the files of all your memories going up in flames. You wanted out of your head, to look at Seungkwan’s face morphed with concern. You wanted to cry into his arms just like you had done many times before but you were done. You had let other people deal with your problems for you instead of facing them head on. So, you ignored him and his soft voice to stare at the blank wall. At least the wall wouldn’t be used by you. 

“I ran you a bath, come on.” He placed his palm on your back rubbing it up and down in a soothing manner. You cringed, shrugging his touch away and wrapped the blankets around yourself tighter, retrieving into yourself. “You’re going to freeze to dea-”

“I deserve it.” You mumbled. A tear trickled down your cheek and you looked down at your shivering hands. He was right, the color from your skin had been drained due to the bone chilling cold from the start of the winter months. But you liked wallowing in the numbness, it served as a reminder of how much you truly fucked up. 

“You don’t, now come on before you force me to carry you, you know how weak my back has been lately and you would be doing me a great disservice if I have to carry you all the way to the bathroom.” He said pointedly and tugged on your hands as he stood up taking you along with him. The blankets fell from your shoulders, taking residency on the couch. Seungkwan walked the two of you away from the couch, one of his hands on your back the other holding your arm tightly and tentatively. Almost as if he was afraid that you’ll escape and habituate yourself on the couch again. Your point of focus from the wall was no more, now you were staring around the silent apartment. Your eyes landed on the dinner table, where everything had been left untouched, like nothing had happened. And you wondered if ten minutes had gone by instead of an hour, just like you had presumed. 

The sound of rushing water brought you back to your senses as you and Seungkwan entered the bathroom. The lights were dimmed and he had set up the stress relieving candles the two of you had bought on a whim one Sunday afternoon. It was moments like these when you realized you didn’t deserve to have a friend like Seungkwan. A friend would drop everything and be at your side in seconds at the mumble of the first syllable of his name. Once again you were reminded how much better he deserved. 

“I-I’m sorry.” You whispered watching him through the fogged out mirror. His long fingers toying with the tiny zipper of your dress, unzipping it slowly, careful not to place his cold palms against your already freezing skin. In a different scenario you would’ve made a sexual innuendo about him seeing you naked, even though he had many times. The two of you lived together and the amount of times either of you had accidentally sleepily walked in on each other either changing or showering was almost laughable. At some point it had become so natural that neither of you strayed away from uninterested pairs of eyes. 

“For what?” He raised a brow at you through the mirror. Your dress had now fallen onto the floor leaving you in your matching bra and underwear set. Your arms wrapped tightly around your stomach as you turned around to look at him. 

“E-Everything, I’m the w-worst person ever and here you are t-treating me like a delicate flower. I-I don’t deserve you or Vernon or S-Seokmin.” You sniffed blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay. It was a miracle that you hadn’t ran out of tears considering how much you cried daily. At least three times a week. 

Seungkwan let out a laugh and hugged you tightly, his hands brushing the hair away from your face, “You aren’t the worst person ever, right now you might not be your own favorite person or the favorite person of a certain individual.” He pulled back and flicked your forehead gently making you pout, the tears still free falling down your cheeks, his thumbs brushing them away. “I can name a few others that are way worse than you, now get in the bath before I seriously drown you.” Seungkwan treated placing a soft kiss against your forehead. “Sometimes I wish I could take away yours and Vernon’s pain.” 

“Then you’d be weighted down even more by pain that doesn’t belong to you.”

“If it gets the two of you smiling again, I’d take the risk any day.”  

Seungkwan always keeps true to his word.

While he was aggressively washing your hair, he almost did try to drown you and you had never been more scared for your life. 

“This is the last time I let you take care of me.” You pouted bringing your knees up to your naked chest, sending him an almost threatening glare. The tears had stopped along with your shivering, but now you could finally feel the emptiness inside of you. 

 “That’s gonna be hard, I like taking care of you. It’s like my hobby.” He flashed you a smile before turning his attention back to his almost empty wine glass. You sighed, placing your cheek against your knees watching as he poured himself another generous amount of the overly expensive wine you had bought solely for that night. 

“That’s the problem, you shouldn’t like to take care of me, you should’ve kicked me out after my third month here.” You grabbed the bottle from his hand and took a sip from it, cringing at the taste as it traveled down your throat burning slightly. For it to be so expensive you were expecting it to be crafted using grapes sent down from the heavens, but the wine from your corner store was a lot better. Maybe this is where you had gone from in the first place. You had tried to be something you weren’t for Seokmin. Tried to put up a front until you were ready to show him the real you. A foolproof plan that ended up backfiring in the end. You should’ve known. 

“Do you remember the first time we met?” Seungkwan took the bottle from your hand and placed it on the floor. He turned to look at you tugging his knees underneath him and leaned an elbow against the edge of the bathtub. 

“Yeah, it was New Year’s and you were spending it with Hansol’s family because you and your family weren’t on best terms.” You looked away from his glossy eyes and down at the water surrounding you. You dipped a pruned finger into the water creating a small ripple in the once warm, now lukewarm water. 

“Do you remember what you said to me that night before the clock struck twelve.” 

You swished your finger around in the water, watching the ripples grow bigger and bigger, your face breaking into a small smile. The first one you had let decorate your face since everything happened. “I said that whenever I felt down I would always think of you because every time I saw you around campus you always had a smile plastered on your face and your head held high.” You said placing your palm against the water surface and then pushing against it watching as the water swallowed your head. 

“Do you know how much your words meant to me?” He put down his glass on the edge of the bathtub, “I was going through the worst period of time in my life, my relationship with my family was strained, I was failing my classes and the person I was in love with was getting married but your words helped me get through that time in my life. And that’s why I choose to be there for you always...because you were there for me.” 

“Seungkwan I-.” He held his hand up, stopping you from speaking a distant smile plastered on his face as he grabbed the towel next to him and dipped his hand into the bathtub unclogging the drain, creating a tiny whirlpool. 

“I know you’re going to tell me that you were drunk and that your words didn’t deserve to have such an impact on me, and that you still don’t deserve my help, but I don’t want to hear it.” He tapped your shoulder signaling for you to stand, in which you obeyed. You watched silently as he wrapped your towel around you tightly, tiny water droplets chasing down your bare arms and legs. “No matter what happens to you, you will always be able to count on me no matter how annoying I might find you sometimes. I will always be there for you, is that clear?” He finished sternly before wrapping his arms around you, hugging you not carrying that you were getting his only designer shirt wet. 

“Crystal.”

“Can I ask you a question?” You beamed up at Seungkwan as he tugged you into bed after helping you dry your hair for an hour. If it were up to you, you would’ve gone to sleep right after you changed into your pajamas, but Seungkwan insisted with a nagging finger on drying your hair because “You should never go to sleep with your hair wet unless you want to wake up sick.” Or so he claimed. 

“Am I going to have to write a dissertation in order to answer it?” He sat down on the edge of his bed, tugging a leg underneath him, resting his elbow against his thigh, his chin the palm of his hand. 

“Nope but you might get mad at me for asking it.” You grinned, positioning your body to the side in a fetal position. Seungkwan rolled his eyes, mumbling how all his hard work in tugging you in had gone to waste and giving you the go head with a small nod of his head. 

“Where’s Vernon?” 

Seungkwan rolled his eyes before leaning over to turn your light off. “I don’t know. After he brought you inside he ran out saying he had somewhere to be.” He turned the switch leaving the two of you in darkness and silence. “Why do you ask?” 

“I want to beat him up for being a jerk.”

“I’ll film it.” 

The brightness of the morning sun made you stir in your sleep, making you wish you had listened to Seungkwan when he had suggested that you buy black out curtains, instead of the sheer ones you bought. With a heavy sigh you felt around your bed looking for your phone knowing very well you hadn’t plugged it in to charge. You wanted the battery to drain out that way you wouldn’t anxiously be waiting for a phone call or text that was never going to come. 

Frustrated due to the realization you continued your search, digging your palm into your sheets letting them melt between your fingers, wishing the other side of your bed wasn’t cold and empty. But the one person you wanted to be next to you didn’t want anything to do with you anymore. 

“Why are you pulling on my hair?” 

Your hand came back to you faster than a lightning bolt and you sat up, eyes wide as saucers as you looked down at the last person you were expecting. “Why are you here?” You brought the sheets up to your shirts, covering your arms that were adorned with the thin strap of the tank top you had used to sleep. 

Vernon buried his face in your sheets, giving himself a moment to recover from being woken up in such an unpleasant way. He had arrived home two hours ago, took his shoes off in a hurry and rushed to your room. He was met with your sleeping form. Limbs splayed out in all directions, your sheets sliding off your body taking up residency on your bedroom floor.

He smiled feeling the nostalgia take over his body like a poisonous drink. He longed to wake up next to you, with the sheets missing and your arm draped his face, while silent snores fell out of your mouth as you stayed sleeping without a care in the world. He looked forward to those mornings. Especially when he was losing you because it was the only time that felt like nothing was happening. The only time he wouldn’t have to avoid looking at you for fear of breaking down whenever he saw the hurt in your eyes. And as you had slept after the shit show that had happened earlier that night, albeit all his fault. He found himself longing for those few seconds of silence as he watched you sleep. 

So, he moved through your room with caution, dodging the specs of light coming in through your window. He picked up your from the floor and carefully placed them on top of you again before sitting down on the floor. His elbow on your bed, chin resting on the palm of your hand and he watched you sleep. The tears prickling in the corners of his eyes, this would be the last time he would be seeing you. At least for a while. He wanted to take everything in, engrave the image of your sleeping face in his mind so he wouldn’t forget about it for a while. 

Unaware he had fallen asleep, and now here he was. His heart thumping out of his chest feeling your eyes dig themselves into the side of his head. He could only be honest, his intentions weren’t malicious to begin with, and lying to you always tore him apart. “I came to say goodbye.” He whispered, raising his head. He brought his hands up to his eyes and diligently rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. His vision grew spotty from how hard he had rubbed them. 

“Oh...where are you going?” You sat up, resting your back against the headboard. It surprised you how soft your voice sounded as it left your mouth and you could tell it had surprised him too. You like him were expecting the coldness, but instead both of your ears were met with warmth. 

“I’m moving back into my parents house, until I find my own place. I was selfish in coming here in the first place. I thought that now because I was alone again we could be together again.” He nodded, focusing on your closet door avoiding your face as the words rushed out of his mouth. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore...at least for a while.” He tore his gaze away from the door and turned to his you. “I’m sorry for everything.” 

A veil of silence swallowed your waking bodies, as the rising sun finished its journey and stayed put. The golden hues of the rays illuminated Vernon’s side profile, bringing out the tiny freckles underneath his eyes. They were bloodshot, you could tell he hadn’t slept despite him just waking up, making you feel a little guilty. If you hadn’t prolonged this situation as much as you did then maybe things would’ve been different last night and this morning. Maybe you’d be waking up to Seokmin’s soft touches instead of Vernon’s broken and guilt ridden stare. 

“I wanted you here Vernon.” You whispered, wrapping your arms around your legs, resting your chin on top of your knees. “We’re equally at fault, though you had been acting like an asshole and I’m still a little upset with you. It’s not all your fault.” You nodded, skimming your hand down your covered legs and placed it on top of his. 

Vernon sighed removing his hand from underneath yours, your touch ignited something inside of him. Something he needed to keep at bay in order to let you go once and for all. “I talked to him last night.” He leaned back on his arms, his fingers digging into the fuzziness of your white carpet. He looked at you through his bangs, smiling at the confusion written all over your sleepy face. “Dokyeom, he’s funny.” 

The sound of his name sounded foreign coming out of Vernon’s mouth. You almost convinced yourself you had still been dreaming if it wasn’t for the clattering pans in the kitchen, obviously Seungkwan’s doing. “You’re lying to me again.” 

“I only lied to you once and I regret it every waking moment I see you, but this time I’m not.” He said crossing his jean clad legs underneath him, “I followed him after I brought you back inside, he punched me.” He laughed and pointed to the side of his jaw that had started to form a light bruise, making your brows furrow in concern. “It’s not as bad as it looks, my jaw is still intact, plus I deserved it.” 

“You did. If he hadn’t done I would’ve.”

“Yeah, and it would’ve hurt more coming from you.” He rolled his eyes brushing off the subject with a swipe of his hand against the air, “I apologized to him and he taught me how to make a vase...did you know he’s part owner of a pottery studio?” 

You laughed at the splendor in Vernon’s voice. The awkward air that had been crushing both pairs of lungs subsided, “I did he promised he’d take me one day but I guess it won’t happen now.” You shrugged, a side smile forming against your lips. “I’m a little jealous you got to live out my fantasy.” 

“Yeah his hands are big and muscular and soft, I felt safe in his arms as he taught me how to form the shape.” Vernon joked. You rolled your eyes and grabbed your pillow before hitting him with it, making him groan. “That hurt.” 

“Good, I was hoping it did.” 

“You’re just jealous that he and I share a birthday.” 

“No you don’t.” You pouted and laid down again crossing your arms in front of you like a child. The guilt consumed you once again but this time because you had been so focused with your problems that you hadn’t taken the chance to actually get to know Seokmin. You hadn’t actually tried to get to know him better and you couldn’t blame him for what he had told you last night. If you were in his shoes, you would also regret ever meeting you. 

“What else did he say?” You voiced, untangling your arms and turning your body to face Vernon’s sitting form. He smiled before standing up and brushing the invisible lint balls from his jeans. He extended his hand for your to take, earning a curious stare from you. 

“He wants to see you but first you have to eat breakfast.” 

After a very uneventful breakfast that consisted of Seungkwan’s nagging (out of love) and leftovers. The three of you helped Vernon carry his stuff out to his car. It was a bittersweet feeling, to see the same scenario play out the same way it did almost over a year ago. This time neither of you were hurting and longing for one another. 

“Get in.” Vernon shouted as he closed the trunk of his car, dusting his hands in front of him. He pointed to the passenger seat door, a wide smile on his face as he rounded the corner and opened the door. “I have to take you somewhere.” 

“W-What, but I-I haven’t showered and I’m still in my pajamas.” You looked between Vernon who was holding open the door and Seungkwan who had started looking around, whistling and you realized that whatever Vernon was planning, Seungkwan had been in on it too. 

“You look fine, now get in before I get punched again.”

“Kwanie help me please.” You pleaded grabbing onto the sleeves of his coat. Not knowing what was happening or what was going to happen only added to the stress of last night. 

“I think I left the stove on, I’m going to go save our apartment from burning down.” He winked peeling your fingers from the sleeves of his coat and shoved you towards the car. “Have fun, don’t stay out too late, you still have to clean your room.” He shouted as he turned around and started jogging towards the entrance of the building. 

“I have no choice do I?” You sighed looking at Vernon’s scheming face. He shook his head and signaled you to hurry up with the sudden movement of his hand. “Fine, if I end up dead though I’m coming back to haunt you and Seokmin’s asses.” You mumbled in annoyance, the skin of your legs gaining bumps as a cold breeze blew. 

Vernon waited, holding the door to his car open for you as you quickly got into the passenger seat of his car. While you got in quickly desperately seeking some kind of warmth. “Are you ready?” He closed the door gently once he was sure you were fully inside and buckled up, leaning his elbows against the open window. 

“To be kidnapped, nope. But I have no choice.” 

Vernon stopped his car in front of an unnamed warehouse, unlocked the doors and basically shooed you out of it, “The side door is unlocked.” He said, pointing to an inconspicuous grey door before speeding off and leaving you alone, your heart against your throat. 

You stood there in the middle of the parking lot, the bitter cold wrapping around you like a frozen blanket. And for once in your life you wished you had new friends, preferably ones that wouldn’t leave you in the middle of nowhere, in your pajamas and without a phone. You realized you had left it midway through your silent journey in Vernon’s old car. You had reached over for the volume knob turning it all the way down. The song that belonged to one of the mixtapes he had once made disappeared from his failing speakers.  He had laughed when you told him, “You won’t need it anyway.” He reassured, pressing his foot on the gas as the light turned to an obnoxious yellow. 

Now you were left stranded, cold and fearing for your life, refusing to move from your spot, eyeing the grey door in suspicion and fear. “Come in before you die.” You jumped as the grey door slammed open, revealing a boy with reddish hair and glasses perched on top of his nose, wearing grey paint splattered overalls. You contemplated ignoring him at first but then another cold breeze blew, followed by a few snowflakes and you knew you had no choice, but to follow the boys commands. 

“Who are you?” You questioned as you jogged towards him and then past him, your body engulfed with the warmth of the warehouse, and you let out a sigh of relief. 

“Minghao, I’m one of the owners of this place.” He said after closing the door behind him making you jump slightly at the sound of metal hitting metal. “You know we’re in the middle of winter, not summer.” He said pointedly, eyeing you down. And you felt stupid although your attire hadn’t been your doing. If it had been entirely up to you, you wouldn’t be wearing sleep shorts, a tank top, a thin sweater and soping house slippers. 

“Yeah, it’s a long story.” 

“And I’m sure I’ll hear it one day but your lover boy is waiting behind the curtains.” Minghao smiled and wrapped a black winter coat around your shoulders, rubbing your arms gently before pulling away. “He hasn’t slept, so please tell him too once you finish confessing your love to one another or whatever people do after a fight.” He shoved you lightly towards the creme curtains that separated what seemed like an art room from whatever room was on the other side. 

“Also if you need to do like gross couple stuff, can you do it in his room and not the living room.” He stated before grabbing a paint brush and sitting in front of a half painted canvas. Nothing had taken shape yet and you wondered if that was his intention or if he was stuck and just decided to paint whatever came to his mind. Whatever the reason was, you’d have to wait because the creme colored curtain was whispering your name at a decibel only you could hear begging you to reveal what was on the other side. So, you did, pulling it back harder than you had intended, your breath catching itself in the back of your throat. 

Your eyes traveled around what seemed to be a living room. The navy blue couch had been pushed to the far end of the room, the back resting against the brick wall. A whole wall filled with all the books you could imagine and you found yourself laughably fighting the urge to run your finger tips against all their spines. There was a kitchen, though it looked more like it had never been used, the overflowing sink filled with dishes told you otherwise. And finally sitting in the middle, on a paint splattered dining room table was Seokmin, his bright and pleading eyes taking your attention away from the bags that laid underneath them. A two tier crooked cake sitting in front of him, with the words “I’m sorry,” written in purple icing. 

“Seokmin I-” You started but the words escaped your mouth as your feet mindlessly made your way towards him. For a split second you stood in front of him as he looked up at you, his hands shaking on his lap, and you threw yourself at him, hugging him tightly as you buried your face into his neck taking in his scent. Fearing that this might be the last time you would be smelling it, as it almost was. “I’m so sorry, I should’ve told you sooner, but I got scared. I didn’t want you to think of me as different, as impure, used, b-broken. I-I don’t know.” Your words rushed out almost creating an incoherent sentence against his soft skin. You felt him suck in a breath before wrapping his arms around you tightly, his palms running down your back soothingly. 

“I’m sorry too I wasn’t completely honest with you either. I know how you felt, it wasn’t easy for me when I first lost the person I loved and I wasn’t expecting to find you so soon that day either at the field.” He whispered, kissing your temple gently before pulling back and brushing the loose strands of hair away from your face. “I told you that I’d wait for you but I think I was telling myself that too.” 

“Wait you mean...what...when?” You searched his face for any indication of incenserity but all you found was warmth, longing and love. 

“Around spring of last year, we were by the cherry blossoms when it happened.” He nodded and you felt the sting of colorful swirls erupt inside of you. “They left me that day and I haven’t seen them since.” He finished cradling your face in his hands, looking into your eyes with so much intensity you were sure you would melt. 

“That’s when it happened to Vernon and I.” You placed a palm against your forehead, your blowing out of their sockets because for the first time since that day everything had started to fall into place. 

“He told me last night, we also share a birthday which is crazy.” He said matter of factly, causing a small laugh to escape your lips, “do you think we can maybe start over?” He pouted, brushing the stray tears that had fallen from the corner of your eyes way.

“I’d love nothing more Seokmin.” You whispered and closed the tiny gap between the two of you finally connecting your lips with his, the butterflies erupting in the pits of your stomach. Behind your closed eyelids you could see the colorful burst of emotions harbored deep inside you, turning different shades of blue, purple and pink as the kiss deepened. It was something you had never witnessed before and to say it was overwhelming would be an understatement. You felt on cloud nine and you didn’t want it to stop, but the air was running out of your lungs the quicker the kiss got and you could tell Seokmin was feeling the same way as his chest started heaving underneath your palms, so you pulled back, your pants matching up with his. 

For the first time since you met him, your world around you seemed to intensify. Everything was brighter, glowing with a fierceness you had never once experienced. The two of you stayed silent staring into each other’s eyes, your heart hammering against your chest as you noticed the subtle specs of gold that were mixed deep within his dark eyes. You didn’t want to stop looking at them, not when you felt his hand cup your chin to pull you back in for another kiss. 

“Do you feel it too?” You whispered, your lips hovering over his threatening to close the gap again. 

“Feel what?” He teased, rubbing his nose against yours, heating up the blood in your body. And you prayed he wouldn’t see the slight sheen of sweat that had started to form against your hairline. 

“Like you’re home?” 

“Yes” The simple three letter word, sent you into a frenzy and you once again kissed him. This time with more fever than the last, because in Seokmin’s arms you finally felt like you could fall.

#seventeen fanfiction #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen angst #seventeen fluff #seventeen fanfic #seventeen seokmin #seventeen dk #seventeen dokyeom #Seokmin x reader #Seokmin imagines #seokmin fanfic #seokmin scenarios #seokmin fluff #seokmin angst #dokyeom x reader #dokyeom fanfic #dokyeom imagines #dokyeom scenarios

[theblackrivergame]

Hey everyone! Today is my beloved @nyehilismwriting ‘s birthday! So I fleshed out a snippet request she made very jokingly one day for her, and she said I could share it with everyone! ^_^

(it’s a post-game-content Vanator wedding snippet, in case you’re curious hehe)(also please go and wish her a happy birthday!)

Most of it is under the cut cos it’s a bit long!

--------

The door at the end of the corridor in front of you is not particularly substantial. It is, however, extremely well-guarded. You’re in one of the former Wolven Empire’s fancier hotels, which at least means that dotted along the length of the cream wood-panelled walls are various urns and statues that you can hide behind. That won’t help you get inside, unfortunately, but it’s a start.

There’s a quiet, almost inaudible whistle from behind you as Enarra also sidles into the alcove that’s currently sheltering you.

“I think she’s gone,” he whispers, and you nod gravely.

If you’re going to get in there, you’re going to have to time this perfectly. You meet his gaze for a few moments, tense but ready. He knows the stakes here. You trust him to keep you safe.

“I’ll watch your back,” he says, clasping your hand in one of his firmly for a second. “Go!”

You don’t need any further encouragement. You set off down the hall as fast as you can feasibly go without your armour clanking; it’s annoying that you’re stuck wearing this overly formal outfit, but you suppose it’s better than having no protection in case things go wrong.

No sign of the guard coming back yet. That’s good.

Once you get within ten metres of the door, you give up on the stealthy approach and break into a dash for the last few steps. You can’t wait anymore! It’s already been too long!

The second your hand touches the doorknob, however, you feel yourself lifted off the ground from behind, a powerful arm wrapping around your waist and hoisting you into the air.

“Come on, Luminita!” you whine, legs flailing helplessly as she carries you away from the door and dumps you back some ways into the corridor. “This is ridiculous!”

“I can’t believe you thought you could fool me,” she snorts, ignoring your pleas. “After all this time, you think I don’t know what you smell like?”

You fold your arms across your chest, sulking. “I had to do something!”

She pauses for a second, giving you something that approximates a fond, if toothy, smile, and then leans around you, calling out to Enarra. “I can smell you, too!”

“That’s a weird thing to just say to people, Damaschin!” he calls back, from his alcove. “I hope you know that!”

She just shrugs, her feet firmly planted on the ground, making it clear that she’s not going to let you past.

Suddenly, you hear Vanator clear his throat behind her, though it’s muffled somewhat by the fact that he’s behind the door still. “Is everything all right out there?”

As Luminita is distracted, you slip by her and dart over to try and open the door – but it doesn’t work. It’s locked, presumably from the inside.

“Come on, let me in,” you plead. “Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? This sucks!”

“It’s bad luck for people to see each other on their wedding day before the ceremony,” he replies through the door, but you can tell from the tone of his voice that he’s a little less convinced by this explanation than he was when he and Luminita first brought it up.

Excellent! That means you can wear him down…

“Please, Vanator?” you entreat him, and then grin as you hear him sighing in response.

Luminita, however, also seems to have noticed him wavering, and appears beside you again, growling. “If you even touch that door handle I will eat you both! Neither of you needs any more bad luck!”

“You Wolven are so weird,” Enarra says from somewhere behind you, clanking his way along the corridor.

Luminita gives him an unamused look, though she doesn’t seem offended – probably she’s just generally disappointed in him for going along with your scheme. “Shouldn’t you two be leaving to head to the church?”

“That’s why we’re here,” you tell her, reluctantly letting go of the door. “I wanted to see him before we left.”

There’s a soft thud sound from inside the room that you think might be Vanator hitting his fist against the inside of the door – or maybe his forehead, it’s hard to tell.

“Do not open that door!” Luminita tells him, firmly, and he sighs again.

“I won’t,” he says eventually, though you’re glad he at least sounds like he’s suffering as much as you are. “I’ll see you at the church… it won’t be too much longer.”

“I just need you to know that I hate this,” you tell him, sullenly, and he laughs.

“So do I.”

With that, you direct one more largely toothless glare in Luminita’s direction and turn to leave, though it still really sucks. You don’t think there’s a single Wolven custom you’ve come across that does anything other than make things harder for you.

--------

There were three separate assassination attempts for you to foil on your way to the church, so despite leaving first, you and Enarra ended up arriving somewhat late. You then had to spend about five minutes outside the church trying to get all of the masonry dust off your armour and fixing your hair, extremely glad that you’d all at least known this would be a possibility beforehand.

By the time you get inside, everyone else is already there; it’s a relatively small crowd (for security reasons), so you can pick out your friends among the group fairly easily. Ia is there in the front row, wearing what looks like about half a suit, and Dassine, who looks as regal as anyone you’ve ever seen in her new High Judicar armour, is one row back alongside Annos and a very confused-seeming Omilitís.

Kebisa, who is officiating, is dressed in a gorgeous purple gown and silver ceremonial cape, while Luminita has changed into a sharply-cut scarlet dress uniform, but your eyes inevitably get drawn towards Vanator and become stuck there.

He’s still dressed mostly in black (of course), but you actually don’t think you’ve seen this particular tailored coat that he’s wearing before. The edges on it are so crisp that you wonder if maybe he had it pressed using magic somehow – it feels very at odds with your “the blood probably isn’t too visible against my dark outfit” armoured visage.

He doesn’t seem to mind, though… in fact that’s mostly why you can’t seem to look away from him. He’s just… staring at you. You think that maybe seeing you walk into the church has made the weight of the whole thing you’re both about to do really hit him, and then while you’re thinking that it seems to hit you as well, and suddenly you’re both just staring at each other, dumbstruck.

Enarra elbows you in the midriff sharply, bringing you back to reality. The look on Ia’s face tells you that neither you nor Vanator will probably ever live this down, so you keep your eyes fixed firmly on the altar and just concentrate on walking.

By the time you’ve reached the altar, he’s still staring at you – he’s making that unbearably soft expression he always makes when he has a thousand things he wants to say but can’t find the words. You take a deep breath, wondering if you’re going to make it any decent amount of time into the ceremony before making a fool of yourself again, and nod at Kebisa, who is standing between the two of you looking like she has to try very hard to maintain a stately demeanour and not just hug you both.

She’s just opened her mouth to speak when suddenly Luminita punches Vanator.

It’s not hard, at least not by Luminita’s standards, but it’s enough to knock him forward and send him stumbling into you. There’s a bunch of titters from the crowd; you exchange a look with him as you help him up wondering whether this is another Wolven wedding tradition, but he seems just as surprised as you, and in some amount of pain as well.

“Oh, are we skipping to the objections part already?” Ia interjects before anyone can ask what’s going on, standing up from their seat and pulling something out of their waistcoat pocket that looks like a list. “Because if that’s the case, I’d like to-”

“Shut up!” you hiss at them, desperately trying to keep the whole thing from getting further off the rails.

Your only reward for your efforts is a dramatic smirk; behind them, Annos bursts out laughing.

“What was that for?” Vanator demands, turning to Luminita, who looks affronted by his question.

“You said to punch you if you looked like you were about to start crying!”

“I didn’t mean in the face!” he counters, still cradling his jaw.

Kebisa covers her face with her hands in an unsuccessful attempt to muffle her giggling.

“Gods,” Enarra groans, rubbing at his eyes tiredly. “Can we just get this over with? This dress armour is killing me.”

It’s at this point in the proceedings that the doors into the church are blown off by an explosion.

It doesn’t stop the wedding, of course – your vows are shouted over the cacophony of the ensuing gunfight, and the signing of the marriage register an hour later once everything has calmed down is a suitably dignified moment spoiled only slightly by the fact that Luminita is covered in blood (not hers) and her dress uniform has been shredded into ribbons. All in all, it’s one of the less exciting afternoons that you and Vanator have spent together.

It’s everything you had expected it to be, and yet somehow also more.

#long post #the black river if #RO: vanator #RO: luminita damaschin #RO: ia #RO: annos #RO: kebisa malindile #RO: dassine ult sidi #love them all :chinhands: happy birthday freya!!! <3 #blood mention

[emf005]

Anxious

Anxious

Sirius Black x Evans!reader

Warnings: a bit of angst, My terrible writing

You stared out the window of the classroom, enjoying the lovely pitter-pattering of the rain on the glass that was, much to your delight, drowning out the teacher. You had woken up with a severe headache that morning and were in no mood for classes, let alone Ancient Ruins with a ghost teacher. You had in no way, shape, or form, any need for-

“Miss. Evans.” Your head turned to the teacher who was, along with the rest of the class, staring at you. “Care to translate?” He motioned to the board which the class had begun to decode.

“Sure. ‘To everyone who wishes death in some form or another, drink from a goblet which has no master’.” He stared at you with a nearly angry face.

“That is correct.” he spoke through his gritted, transparent, teeth. “Please try and pay attention from now on.”

“Of course, sir. But, as you have just seen, I have been paying perfect attention the entire time. Please continue on with this painfully exciting lesson.” He stared at you for a moment more before gritting his teeth again and continuing on with the lesson. You turned your attention back out the window, blocking out his lesson yet again.

Lily, your twin sister, caught up to you at lunch and started to ask how classes had been going in her own cherry way that made you want to hurl. You were not the typical Evans. You were not a goody goody twinkle toes like Petunia. You were not a sweet flower like Lily, you were just you. Your family referred to you as the “Biker” which was weird because you had no interest in leather or motorcycles or teasing your hair up to atrocious heights. You had no clue why no one would let you just be, ever. You were a tired anit-social introvert who got social anxiety that resulted in you being overly sarcastic and awkward. Lily, was your opposite and was completely oblivious. Well, you couldn’t take it that day. No you most certainly could not.

“Lily! Just shut up! Please! I just lived my entire day, I don’t need to recite it to you! Christ all mighty woman!” She stared at you, taken aback by your sudden outburst. She opened her mouth to say something but the only thing that came out was:

“Oh.” After a moment more she mumbled an apology and walked away glumly. You felt bad. You had never yelled at your sister before. You had never yelled at anyone before. You barely ever spoke three words unless you had to, class that day being the exception. You were just so tired of everyone being on your case.

“A bit harsh, Evans don’t you think?” You turned and stared at your tormentor. A true “Biker” in your opinion. Or, technically “Greaser”. I mean, seriously, the shine on his hair from how greasy it was was truly a feat you had no idea how he managed.

“Shove off, Black.”

“Oh,” he said dramatically. “The hurtfulness of the words! How will I ever be able to move on?” You grounded your teeth and stared at him, hating how short you were. You blew a strand of brown hair from your eyes, getting your looks from your dad and not your mom.

“I said, shove off. I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh? And what's this? She knows more words than just ‘shove off, Black’?”

Sirius Black. Your tormentor since first year. You had no idea how the stupid little rivery started between the two of you, nor did you care. You hated him with all of your being, more than you hated most people.

You raised your middle finger at him and brushed past him. He scoffed.

“Best you got, Evans?” He mocked.

“Figured your hair was disgrace enough. Don’t need me to say anything to embarrass you when you got that mop on your head!” You shouted back. That got him to shut up and you scurried to the owlery to meet with Henry, you beautiful brown horned owl.

You scratched your owl’s head and he gladly rubbed his head against your palm with an affectionate and grateful hoot. You laughed lightly and sniffled, shoving the tears off of your face. You placed your head against his and took a breath in and out, composing yourself. The anxiety bubbling back down from the day’s attention.

“Well well well. What do we have here?” You froze at his voice. Had I forgotten to mention your other tormentor. Or rather, group of tormentors? “Little Evans and her stupid little owl.” Lucius said. You heard Bellatrix cackle behind you and a few more snickers. How many were there today?

“Heard you were a bit mouthy today, love.” Bella said, walking around you. She was so close you felt her breath on her neck and it caused a chill to run down your spine.

“Please leave me alone,” you whispered. Another cackel cut through the air and you jumped. Your owl screeched as a means of trying to protect you.

“Aw, Mr. Owl wants to protect his little bitch?”

“Leave him out of this!” You yelled. Getting protective of the only good thing you had ever had.

You felt a hand grab your hair and yank you backwards. You yelled as you fell back onto Lucius Malfoy.

“What did you say to me? Are you giving us orders?” You swallowed and before you could say anything, your owl lunged at Lucius and attacked.

He dropped you as a means to protect his face but the sound he let out let you know that Henry had gotten his target. Lucius had a small scratch on his face beside his eyes that had begun to bleed.

“You stupid beast!” he yanked out his wand and before you could do anything he shouted out his curse. “Petrificus Totalus!” He shouted. Your lovely brown bird dropped mid-flight and hit the floor with a thunk.

“Henry!” You yelled and began to crawl to him, only to be dragged backwards by your hair.

“Teach you and your stupid beast to mock me.” He grumbled and threw you against the wall of the tower. You felt something wet drip down your neck.

Is it raining out?

Your ears were ringing loudly.

Who's ringing bells?

And your vision was blurred and fuzzy all over.

“Get her Lucius!” Bella shouted and you felt a sharp pain in your side. You let out a noise that didn’t sound quite human, or animal for that matter. You saw your bird, his brown feathers and beautiful wings spread out and frozen in their place.

You let out another whine as he abused your body more. Where you had no idea. It all hurt at this point that it was impossible to pinpoint a designated spot.

“Hey!” Someone shouted. The abuse stopped, but your body still throbbed mercilessly. You heard footsteps and people talking, but you couldn’t make anything out. All you could focus on was how tired you had gotten and how badly your body ached.

Why was it hiring again?

“Hey.” someone said again and you felt someone gently grab your face, causing you to whine and try to pull away, but they wouldn’t let you. They just turned your face to get a different perspective. You whined and tried to pull away again.

“Prongs!” You heard them shout, making you cry out in pain. Your head spun. “Sorry. I’m sorry. You’re going to be f-”

“Henry.”

“What?”

“H-henry. My-my owl. Get him first. Is-is he ok?”

“Your a bit more hurt than-”

“Please.” You cried. “Please he’s my-he’s my only friend. Please get him first. Please.” He was silent for a moment and more footsteps made their way up the tower stairs. “Please… you whispered.

“Ok… ok.”

The noises coming from the owlery were not ones that should be and they were just the ones that made Sirius Black pick up his pace just slightly. Remus and James were waiting for him at the bottom. A five second trip was definitely going to take a bit longer.

He rounded the corner to find a mess of white hair focused on something on the ground. A mess of curly black hair egging him on. And three more stooges from the Slytherin house snickering in the corner watching it all happen. An owl was laid out frozen on the ground but he paid no attention to that.

“Hey!” Lucius froze and gave one more swift kick before looking over his shoulder and smirking.

“Well. If it isn’t Si-Ah!” Sirius yanked him away from whoever he was kicking and threw him towards the door. His dear cousin yelled at him but he just glared at her and the rest of them.

Lucius pulled himself off the ground and brushed off his clothes.

“Let's go. He’s not worth our time.” Lucius grumbled and scurried off. The Slytherins all glared at Sirius but left.

Sirius turned to see who it was they were bullying. The figure lying on the floor, bruised and bloodied, caused him to freeze. Y/N Evans.

He rushed to her and knelt down tilting her head so that he could get a better look at her face. Even worse than what he had originally thought. The sight caused him to cringe.

“Prongs!” He shouted. She cried out, loudly, and he froze before profusely apologizing. “You’re going to be f-”

“Henry,” she said weakly, making his insides twist. How badly had they beaten her?

“H-henry. My-my owl. Get him first. Is-is he ok?”

“Your a bit more hurt than-”

“Please.” She cried. “Please he’s my-he’s my only friend. Please get him first. Please.” Sirius stayed quiet for a moment. He swallowed and just stared at her. “Please…” she whispered desperately.

“Ok… ok.” He said. James had arrived at the stairs and ran to the two of them.

“What happened?” He asked, Remus right behind him.

“Not quite sure. Come on.” He lifted up Y/N and she groaned again.

“Henry.” Sirius sighed and shook his head.

“And bring the damn bird,” he grumbled.

You woke up in the infirmary, god only knows how long later. It was dark now, so you definitely missed lunch. It would explain why your stomach was doing flips.

Your body ached all over, inside and out. You sat up, holding a groan in as you looked around the room. Well, as much of the room as you could see. The white sheets separated your section from the other patients’.

It was completely silent in the room. Well, except for someone’s breath right next to you. You looked over to see the one, the only, Sirius Orion Black sleeping in the chair right next to you. You stared at him for a moment and opened your mouth to say something (like you would have) when you heard someone clear their throat in front of you.

You looked to the opening of your section to see Madame Pomfrey standing there with her cart. She looked you up and down before looking to Sirius.

“You have a good friend there, you know.” You stared at her, slightly confused. She walked in, pulling the cart with her. “He refused to leave until you woke up. Poor thing must have fallen asleep waiting for you.” She hesitated and looked at you very seriously. “Don’t tell anyone I said that. I have a reputation to uphold, I trust you understand that Miss. Evans.”

“Why did he stay? What even happened? I-I don’t remember-”

“He came in here with his friends, Potter and Lupin, carrying you and an owl. The owl was easy to fix, he’s resting back in the owlery, you on the other hand were a bit of a challenge.”

“But I still-”

“You were severely beaten by one of your classmates, it appears. Mr. Black was kind enough to bring you in. I told him that you would be fine but he was quite insistent that he stayed until he knew you were better. I’m surprised he’s stayed as long as he has. On second thought-”

“How long was I out for?”

“Three days.” Your eyes went wide.

“Three-but I-how?”

“Much blunt force to your head. But you are healing nicely.” You looked over to Sirius who was slouching uncomfortably in the hard chair.

“Why did he stay?”

“As I said Miss. Evans, you have a good friend. Or are you-”

“No.” You answered, still staring at him. “No we aren’t.”

“Hm,” she hummed, checking you over. “Well, I would reevaluate the situation if I were the two of you.”

The wounds she was worried about were fine for the evening. She told you to get some rest and she would recheck you in the morning. When she left, though, you didn’t fall asleep. All you could do was stare at your tormentor and wonder why. Why was he still here? Why did he save you from Malfoy and his pack? Just why?

It was just breaking dawn when Sirius started to stir. You had been preparing yourself for what you were going to do when he woke. You were going through your options and finding a nice way to thank him and ask all your questions. But by no means were you prepared to speak with him so quickly!

His eyes opened and you stared at the stormy ones with a blank mind. It took him a minute to register that you were awake. He shot up from his chair.

“Y/N!” He was so loud it made your head spin. “Are you ok? How do you feel? What has Madame Pomfrey-”

“Why are you here?” you asked bluntly, cringing at the way it came out. He opened his mouth a few times before sinking back into his seat.

“I-I just wanted to make sure you were alright.” He stuttered. You couldn’t believe it. You had never heard anything but confidence in his voice, but now? Pain? Hurt? Worry? Unsureness? This was not the Sirius Black you had grown to hate.

You swallowed and shifted under his gaze. It was heavy. So heavy. Heavier than the canoe your uncle made you carry last summer to the lake.

“I’m fine.”

Why were your words so harsh? What was wrong with you?

You watched as he slunk back into himself further.

“Well then I guess-” he stood and panic took over your body. “I’ll leave.” He cleared his throat and pushed his hair back. You stared at the mop. Less greasy than it had been. There was no shine, it was instead like the night sky. Pitch black. So black nearly blue. It was actually mesmerizing. Naturally bouncy.

He had bags under his eyes and unease in his posture.

What was wrong with you?

He waited a second for you to say something but you never did. He hung and shook his head glumly before leaving the area. All you could do was watch him go. None of your questions answered and guilt was coursing through your entire body.

You were discharged a week later. Lily brought you your school work while you were in the hospital, but never really said much else. She still must not have gotten over when you had yelled at her, which you felt terrible about.

But now, freshly out of the infirmary, you were determined to set things right with her and Sirius. Although, you had been saying that for days now.

One day you tried to apologize when she had come to give you your work. It didn’t exactly go according to plan.

“Here is transfigurations, potions, herbology, and divinations. If you have any questions or need any help-”

“Lily, I’m sorry.” She paused and looked up from her folder.

“Sorry?”

“Uh yeah.”

“Sorry for what, Y/N/N?” You swallowed.

“For snapping at you, the other day. At lunch?”

“I remember. I’m not mad at you, Y/N/N.”

“You're not?”

“Not for that.” You stopped and stared at her.

“Then for what-”

“I’m upset that I had to find out that my twin sister has anxiety from someone other than herself.”

“You-”

“Know? Yes. I know, Y/N. Why didn’t you ever tell me? Did you feel like you couldn’t? I just… I don’t understand.” You stared at her for a moment, not knowing how to respond. Your heartbeat sounded in your ears and your breathing became restricted a little.

You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Lily just shook her head and sighed. Almost like she expected you to say nothing.

“Listen, Y/N, I’m your sister. Twin sister. Does that not mean anything to you? At all? You're supposed to be able to tell me everything. So, yeah, I’m a little hurt that I had to hear this from Sirius.”

“Sirius?”

“Yes.”

“Sirius Black?”

“No, Y/N. Sirius Dawson. Yes, Sirius Black! Why? Did you swear him to secrecy? I didn’t even know you two talked.”

“We… we don’t.” She looked at you, staring for a few minutes.

“Oh.” She stayed silent and looked down. “I… well… I’ll talk to you when you get out. At James’ game, maybe? On Sunday.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” She smiled and squeezed your leg. Then she got up and left.

The first stop you made, on this particularly snowy Saturday, was to the owlery. Henry came flying over to you the second you stepped foot in the tower. He hooted and rubbed his head under your own. You giggled and scratched under his chin.

“Miss me, did you buddy?” He hooted again and you walked over to the balcony to look over the snowy scene of the Hogwarts grounds. “Look what I brought you.” You unraveled the nut and seed cake you had in your pocket and held it up to him. Henry hooted happily and started to peck away at his treat. You laughed and set him on the banister alongside the cake.

The two of you sat in silence as you stared out at the scene. Henry pecked away happily and you sat there miserable. The gears in your head spinning faster and faster as you thought more about what Lily said.

You weren’t surprised Lily didn’t know that you had anxiety. You were surprised that Sirius knew. And even more surprised to hear that he had told Lily. Why? In defense of you? You didn’t understand.

Henry hooted before flying off the edge and to someone behind you. You never saw him do that to anyone but you before. To say you were a bit jealous that he left his cake unfinished to see whoever had walked in would be an understatement. But then you turned around.

He climbed the stairs up and up to the owlery. He came at the same time every day since Y/N had gotten hurt. Henry was a very dependent and protective creature. When Sirius came the first day, he was a mess. A flurry of feathers and in such a tizzy. Since he recognized him as one of the good guys from when she got attacked, he flew immediately to his shoulder. Since then, Henry greeted Sirius each time he came to visit, each time more friendlier than the last.

Today was no different. As usual, Henry flew immediately to his shoulder and nuzzled the side of his face in greeting. Sirius chuckled and rubbed his head. He started to walk to the balcony when he noticed that today was different. Someone was standing there watching him.

You were standing there watching him.

He swallowed and the two of you stared at each other awkwardly.

“Hi.” He said when he finally found his voice again. He was so relieved to see that you were alright. You didn’t like him, he knew that. He knew why, too. He just didn’t know how to change that. The sad fact in it all was that he loved you. He had always loved you and he knew he would continue to always love you.

“H-hi.” You said, he felt his heart skip a beat. Your voice was quiet and you were fidgeting with your hands. Merlin, you were perfect.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, slowly walking over to you.

“Fine, I guess.” You answered, scratching the back of your neck. You began to fidget and Sirius could tell you were about to run. He couldn't have that. He couldn't let you leave him again. He shouldn't have left the last time, he knew that and he regretted it.

You took a step and he jumped in front of you without a plan in mind. You jumped back, startled by his sudden movement. He backed down when he noticed how he reacted and caused you to receive even further.

“Uh, sorry. I just-I want to make sure you are fine. Completely fine, and all.”

“Um… Yeah. I-I’m fine.” The silence returned as Sirius waited. He didn’t want to push you to talk, but he was a bit desperate to speak with you. He had avoided you for an agonizing week. A whole week! Well, sort of. He would often sneak into the hospital wing in the dead of night when everyone, including you, were asleep. Not like a creep like he knew it sounded, he was just worried. He always was.

From day one he had noticed your anxiety, both him and Regulus suffered from it, in different ways but still suffered from it. When he noticed your closed figure and down cast eyes first year he knew immediately that you were not ok. He had tried to be nice to you, to ease you a little bit, but nothing he did worked. It all backfired on him. And I mean all I mean ALL. Everything he would say came out wrong and every gesture he did simply made you more uncomfortable. Some time around 3rd year everything turned hostile. Your anxiety had gotten worse and instead of just shrinking away you had a tongue that was sharper than a knife. For some reason, this drew him in even more. He had no idea what had caused the switch in you, but he could tell you had become worse from when you had left Hogwarts. Ever since then, he had watch you closely, occasionally teasing you since that was the only way he could get any sort of interaction with you.

“Sirius-” He looked at you with wide eyes eager to hear what you had to say, but you stopped, leaving your mouth open. He waited. “How… How did you know about my anxiety?”

He swallowed.

“And more importantly, why did you tell Lily?” He was silent and now you waited.

“Lily was… well, she was hurt by your reaction and wouldn’t stop… um…”

“Complaining?” He hesitated but nodded. You sighed.

“I… I got tired of listening to it and snapped, I guess. She didn’t have a response.”

“You stood up for me?” He nodded. “Why?”

“Uh…”

“Why would you stand up for me against my sister and the Slytherins? Why help me to the Hospital wing and insist on staying until I wake up. Why sneak in when you think I’m sleeping?”

“You know about that?”

“Do you know how impossible it is to sleep on those beds?” you smirk. He let a crooked smile lift the corner of his mouth. “But, honestly, Sirius, why?”

“I…” He cleared his throat and itched the back of his head, looking away. Was that blush you saw on his cheeks? “I just was worried about you.”

“Why? You don’t like me.” His head shot up, eyes wide with panic which startled you.

“That's not true.”

“It-its not?”

“No.”

“But all the bullying and…”

“It's the only way I could get any sort of attention from you.” You furrowed your eyebrows, itching your hand. He could see the skin about to open, so he grabbed your hand making you jump. He placed it at your side and let go. “Listen, Y/N. I like you. I understand that you probably don’t like me. But, I had no idea how to get any sort of attention from you. I never did anything out of malice, even though it sounded like it. Honestly, I’m sorry, Y/N.”

You swallowed not knowing if you should believe him or not.

“I would like it if we could be friends, Y/N. I know what you’re going through. The anxiety.. Maybe I could help you?” You bit your lip. Should you trust him? You had never trusted anyone like this before.” Please. Give me a chance to make things right.”

You nodded and he let out a breath, one he didn’t know he had been holding. He wouldn’t mess this up. He couldn’t. Not for anything in the world.

Hey guys! Hoped you liked it! Let me know in the comments. Also let me know if you want a part two!!!!

#sirius x you #sirius x reader #sirius black #Evans!reader #fluff and angst #sirius x y/n

[animeyanderelover]

Can you write promp 15 to Shuu tsukiyama :) Thank you I love your writings.

I love my writing as well😉. No, but seriously guys. If it wouldn't be for my passion to write, I would have gone on a hiatus the moment I found out that I was being shadowbanned.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, clinginess, manipulation, paranoia, mentioning of kidnapping, catcalling, sexual harassment, blood, killing, Shuu being a sadist to the victim, eccentricity (?)

Prompt 15: “Shh princess… don’t cry over this scum, he doesn’t deserve your tears.”

"Kanae!! What happened to her?!?! Why is she crying?!?!"

You hadn't wanted to burst out in tears like this, but replaying the scene in your head over and over again like a movie had caused you unimaginable frustration and embarrassment. Now you remembered why you hated people so much, they were all just greedy and disgusting jerks. Calling you such nasty names in public and daring to go as far as following you. If Kanae wouldn't have been there with you, you didn't even want to imagine what might have happened to you.

"My poor princess! What happened?! Tell me!"

Furious tears were falling down your face, even though you had wiped them away already countless times before. You were not in a very good mood at the moment, you felt quite etchy at the moment. And that was what caused annoyance washing over you when you heard Shuu's cooing words, taking quick steps towards you to comfort you somehow. You knew what would come now. Another smothering session of his. Something you didn't need in the least bit right now. What you needed was time. Alone.

You still tried to stay as calm as possible, not wanting to make a huge scene that would only gain you more annoying attention. All the servants were honestly so much like their master, they all appeared to be overly dramatic when it came to you, the only real exception was Mirumo.

So when you suddenly stepped back from Shuu, lips pressed together and a mixed look out of sadness and anger on your face, you knew that you had hurt him. It was all too obvious judging from his wide eyes, confusion and pain already reflecting in them, and the way he had frozen when you had suddenly put a distance between you two. The hand, which he had extended, was staying in the air, shaking slightly. As always, he was overreacting.

“(y/-y/n)…What did I-“

“You did nothing Shuu. You didn’t do anything. I just wish to be alone right now. So I ask you to do me the favor and leave me alone for once. If you don’t, I might say things to you that will hurt you and which I don’t mean. Don’t test my patience for now.”

You were surprised by your own tone of voice, you sounded extremely rude, annoyance dripping from your voice like venom. It was hard to keep a calm and collected voice under such conditions. But for the reason of you having been well raised and well treated by the people in this place, you wanted to return the favor by doing the same.

You just stormed past both, Kanae and Shuu, without saying a single word, chewing furiously on your lips whilst the voice of the man kept ringing in your head. You felt like you wanted to smash something to relieve yourself of the ocean of emotions inside of you. Today had been the wrong day to convince Shuu with the help of his father to let you out without him.

“Master (y/n)!”, you heard Kanae yelling after you, followed by a thud sound that caused you to turn around shortly, feeling slightly startled by the sudden noise. But you were left feeling a bit surprised when seeing that your company for the last few hours had gone done to her knees, forehead pressed against the floor of the mansion and bowing deeply down in front of you.

“I can never forgive myself for not being able to help you. I failed you! I’m so sorry! It’s all because of my own foolishness and incompetence that you had to go through all of this!”

Her voice was shaking and you guessed that she would break out in tears at any moment, she was just as theatrical as your partner was.

“Kanae, it’s not your fault. We were under too many people, you couldn’t have done more than you did already. And that was already a big help. Also, please don’t refer to me as your master, I don’t like it when I’m being called this way. I see you as a friend, so that makes things always a bit awkward when you call me your master.”

Only the fading and fast footsteps of yours were heard in the silence which followed afterwards, leaving two people left dwelling on what had just happened. Shuu, who was staring with still shocked eyes at the stairs where you had just walked up, and Kanae, who was still remaining in her humble position. Somewhere upstairs the rather loud slam of a door was heard, indicating that you had just entered your room.

“Kanae…What…happened?”

Even her master seemed to be left flabbergasted by this sudden change of events, although tears were already starting to fill his eyes. It was not as much because of your rejecting behavior towards him, although that had hurt as well. No, it was because someone had upset his little dove so that she had cried and he hadn’t been there to protect her.

“So eine Scheiße!”, the girl suddenly shouted furiously and frustrated, slamming her head against the floor harshly as if wanting to punish herself.

By now she had bursted out in tears, drops splashing to the ground. “What am I good for when I couldn’t even keep her safe and this-this disgrace away from her?! Now she is angry! Please forgive me Master Shuu. You chose me because you trusted me to protect her, but I was the wrong person to choose.”

The last few sentences of her were told much more softer than the previous ones, only proving to Shuu that Kanae felt beyond miserable for what had happened. But it didn’t answe his question! It only made him more anxious.

What had happened whilst he hadn’t been there?! Who the duck dared to make his lovely darling cry?! Who?!

“Would you just please tell me what happened?!”, he yelled at the servant, his string of patience snapping right then and there and leading him into raising his voice.

Kanae flinched when hearing him shouting at her, the panic in his voice overwhelming her even more. It was all because of her that her master would have to go through the same pain as you as well. How should she even start explaining what had happened without him losing it right away?

“Mast-I mean (y/n)…She has been catcalled! And I was unable to take proper care of this threat! Watching this bastard…It was disgusting! Enraging! This rotten mouth of his…The things he called after her, I wish I could have gouged his tongue out! And he even had the audacity to follow her through the city, using every opportunity he had to spit more gross words out! And (y/n) had to endure all of this without losing her self-restraint. She even had to stop me. She stood her ground without breaking down in front of him. She was so admirable. I should have taken an example on her.”

The confession of the truth hurt, having to go through it all again hurt. Her master’s darling had been so brave, so perfectly in control of her emotions, so empathetic to rather let herself get humiliated instead of risking to let Kanae get triggered and reveal that she was a ghoul in the center of the city. And (y/n) still saw her as a friend! She was so kind. No wonder Master Shuu was so madly in love with her.

After that the ghoul waited for some reaction from him, shouting, yelling, crying, lashing out on her, anything. But nothing came. Instead another silence befell both of them, coming with a creepy feeling. An almost paralyzing feeling that made the violet-haired girl stay on the ground. The air felt like it was weighting her down. She knew this feeling.

Fear.

"So you're telling me that ma chérie is crying because some walking useless trash thought that he could use her and play her for his own entertainment?"

His voice was beyond spine-chilling, spoken like a true lunatic. His voice sounded for the most part quieter than expected, though it was trembling slightly. But what made her body nearly forget to function out of terror was the icy blood lust in it, like he was on the brink of insanity.

Barely, only barely did Kanae manage to lift her head, enough to catch a glimpse of his face. It only made her break out in cold sweat more. She thanked the heaven that he wasn't looking at her right now, instead staring in the empty space, a murderous grin on his face. His eyes were wide, reflecting the craziness inside of him perfectly. Just by looking at him was enough for Kanae to know that he was tearing the culprit in his mind currently to a bloody and deforedly mess. Her master was thinking like her, she had planned on doing the same. But she hadn't looked that unnerving.

"As much as I would love to torture and rip this waste of oxygen right now, this will have to wait. My princess needs me right now."

The sudden change in his whole personality was delightening yet also the slightest bit stunning for Kanae to witness, how he went from psychopathic sadist to his normal dramatic and lovesick self.

"W-wait! C-can I do something, anything to make somehow up for my failure?", Kanae stuttered out, stopping Shuu from crossing the stairs with huge steps. She had to do something, she felt truly feeble.

Shuu noticed her still majorly guilty expression, giving her a small sympathetic smile. "Don't work yourself up to hard over it now. (y/n) was only right. You would have only done much worse if you would have let lost control then and there. You already did a better job than I did in keeping composure. For now just tell the others to prepare dinner, (y/n)'s favorite. And also..."

The sudden drop in Shuu's voice and his face was a dead giveaway what he wanted to say next. "Let's meet later outside when my darling is sleeping. I believe we have something to take care of, don't we?"

That alone was enough to make Kanae stand up, the anger and feeling of helplessness scratching her feeling of self-esteem. Her master knew that she had a score to settle as well after having only been able to watch. She felt grateful that he took that into reconsideration even though she had let this happen in the first place.

"It would be my pleasure to be from any help. I feel honored that you still chose me."

"Why are you here? I think I told you I want to be alone.", you shot out after Shuu had simply knocked and entered your room without permission, giving you nearly no time to wipe away all the tears on your cheeks. You hated crying in front of people, you hated looking weak and vulnerable and being it as well. That's why you always wanted to be alone when you felt like crying.

"You expect me to just stand away when my dove clearly needs someone right now?! You were just sexually harassed and want me to leave you alone?! Forget it!"

His reaction was what you had seen coming, the paranoia coloring his face being all too obvious and he looked distressed as well. Shuu wasn't good in handling something like this at all, not when it had you being in any sort hurt involved.

"Go away. I look terrible right now.", you just said without replying to what he had just said, though this had been a rhetorical question. You didn't look very good right now, tears smearing all over your face, your eyes reddened and puffy and your nose running due to all the crying.

"That doesn't matter to me. For me you look beatiful no matter what, even if you cry."

Despite feeling upset, you managed to let a chuckling scoff out when you heard the man saying this, still not being completely used to his more cheesy lines. But right now he probablly had the intention to cheer you up.

"Good grief, you're really too much. Let go of me.", you replied slightly ironically in between your sobs when he suddenly just clinged to you, wrapping you up in his arms. It wasn’t uncomfortable though, his hug was warm and managed to soothe you a bit.

You actually shouldn’t feel this way, not in the arms of the man who used to torment and hurt you out of pure and utter sadistic fun. Back then it had just been horror for you. And only thanks to his well-mannered father things had changed for you, only then. You owed Mirumo for that more than you could effort, but his only request had been staying, knowing the attachment his son had for you would never perish. But at the same time you had the feeling his father had helped his son as well, causing you to get along with him better and better until you had started to forget where acting stopped and where real feelings were showing.

“Shh princess…don’t cry over this scum, he doesn’t deserve your tears.”

He had a point. That asshole had wanted to get under your skin which was the second reason you had stayed strong in front of him. But you were human as well, you had feelings which could be hurt. You were currently hurt which was why you needed some sort of comfort right now and Shuu provided it. Maybe a bit too much.

You estimated that you needed about five minutes until you had calmed somewhat down, though the after effects from your crying session still shook your body every once in a while. But you felt the tiniest bit less shitty.

“I think I’m feeling better now. Thank you…Shuu.”, you told him softly, feeling your cheeks warming up the tiniest bit.

He just let out a content ‘hmm’, his chin resting on your shoulder and his one hand playing with your hair a bit. He didn’t look like he had any intentions to move despite you giving him the look. You had a rather silly bad feeling.

“Do you want to let me go?”

“Never. At least not until the dinner is prepared.”

“Shuu.”, you protested slightly, pushing him a bit against the chest which turned out to be good for nothing. He didn’t budge. Instead you could almost see with your inner two eyes on the back of your head that he was grinning upon your attempt to remove him.

“Oh well. I’ll let him have it his way. He deserves it.”

Kanae was walking, as quietly as possible, nervously back and forth. She would never blame her master for anything at all, but maybe she just felt extremely uneasy right now that she wanted to leave desperately. Tokyo was huge and finding one single man would be hard, though she remembered the few broken pieces of informations she had heard when the man had been taken away from some other people who seemed to know him.

“I have to avenge (y/n) or else I’ll never be able to feel like I deserve this happiness.”, the girl thought bitterly, intending to bring suffering over this piece of garbage.

“You seem rather impatient. Believe me, I am just as eager as you are, though we shouldn’t waste too much time with this sad excuse of a man.”

Kanae quickly turned around, anticipation shining from her eyes when she saw Shuu appearing from the shadows, already having put on fitting clothes and holding his mask in his hand.

“I apologize, I simply couldn’t bring myself to leaving my princess alone. She looked too gorgeous to not marvel over. That’s why I want to speed this all up, I want to return to her as fast as possible. It of course doesn’t mean I intend to let this person easily of the hook.”

He chuckled a bit, for a few moments softness dominating his face when recalling the sweet memories of his darling sleeping peacefully. But in the blink of an eye he changed, the lust to kill someone taking over him and twisting his face into something entirely else.

“Kanae, do you know where we should start?”

His voice was terrifying, his feelings and intentions dripping freely from it and a malicious glint shining in his eyes. Not like Kanae minded, her own face being overshadowed by her negative feelings.

“Yes, I do have an idea.”

#yandere tokyo ghoul #yandere shuu #yandere shuu tsukiyama

[jean-kayak]

Chapter 5

Summary: A relaxing summer at home after your second year of college sounds nice, until someone comes back and makes it anything but

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x black!fem!reader

Warnings: smut (18+!!), unprotected sex, reader being a tease, major sexual tension, grinding, multiple orgasms

A/N: Alrighty people, this is the moment you all been waiting for lmao, hope you like it. Here’s y’all food 🤣

Word Count: 3101

P.S.: If you listen to Body by Summer Walker, it'll make it better, I'll say when to play it and I've been dying to put this song in an Eren fic bc every time I listen to it, I only think of him lmfao

Tags: @her-majesty-kiara, @germfart3, @styxtm, @iwascrybaby, @bigdaddyzawa​, @erensblackgirlfriend​

Chapter Summary: You finally give in to him, with a little teasing of course

You cross your arms as you shake your head. "Ymir, I've already told you, I don't want a birthday party," you oppose, and she throws her hands up.

"Why not? Everyone wants a birthday party!" she argues, and you give her a look.

"Twenty's not even that big of a milestone. And my parents aren't gonna be home on the actual day, so I thought I could just relax, you know? I have a lot of shows to catch up on."

Ymir scoffs as she turns to Jean. "Please convince her that this is a good idea," she tries, and you look at Jean who shrugs.

"Why not? I mean you're only twenty once, right?" Your mouth drops open when you hear that he's siding with her, and Ymir cheers in triumph. "Come on, it's a party. It'll be fun."

"What's this about a party?" You feel your face go hot when Eren walks into the living room, and Ymir tilts her body so that she can look at Eren.

"We're throwing a party for, Y/N." You move to stand in front of her, blocking her view.

"No, you are not. I said I don't want a party. Why can't I just spend it with my two best friends and some terribly painful cliche movies?" you counter, and she gives you a bored look.

"What's wrong with a party?" Eren speaks up, and everyone turns around, putting him into the conversation. "I had one," he comments, and you roll your eyes, knowing it's not going to help your case.

"Exactly! So, did I when I turned twenty," she continues. "And turning twenty is a big milestone. It's your twenty's," she emphasizes, and you smile as you shake your head.

"Ymir, no."

"Y/N, yes!"

You both go back and forth until you're subconsciously talking. "No," Eren cuts off you, and you don't even realize it, not even turning to him as you say yes.

"Alright!" Ymir cheers and your mouth opens at what just happened. You turn to Eren who just gives you a wink, and you glare at him.

"Fine," you give in, "but no alcohol, Ymir."

~

Of course, Ymir planned to have the party in Jean's backyard, saying his had the nicest appeal, your close friends were all coming along with a few others, and you ended up celebrating your birthday with your parents the day before because they were leaving for a business trip on the day of your birthday.

Ymir thought a pool party was a good idea, but all Jean had was about a forty-two foot wide, five-foot deep pool in his backyard, but he filled it up anyway, and it was hot, so Ymir thought that was a good enough excuse for everyone to wear swimsuits.

Ymir was waiting for you to get changed, and her eyes widen when you come out in yours, a two-piece yellow suit. "What? Is there something wrong with it?" you ask, checking yourself in the mirror, wondering if maybe it was a bit too revealing.

"Absolutely not. You look smoking hot. I would sleep with you," she says, and you laugh loudly as you slip a huge t-shirt over yourself and you turn around to see Ymir walking up to you. "I'm serious. You might even get some birthday dick."

You guffaw as you shake your head and put your shoes on. "Yeah, right. Don't plan on that happening at all tonight."

You raise an eyebrow when you see a tiara and a sash in her hands. "Here, put these on," she tells you, and you scoff.

"Why? Everyone already knows it's my birthday," you answer, and she shrugs, pushing the items closer to you.

"It's for dramatic effect." You roll your eyes before slipping the slash on, looking in the mirror to put on the tiara.

You follow her downstairs, and she asks you to grab the ice cream and the waffle cones while she finishes setting up outside. You see Eren when you walk in, the only thing covering his body are the swim trunks that definitely are too small, the outline of his muscles clear as day.

Neither of you exchanges a word as you grab the stuff from the ice cream from the deep freezer before moving to grab the cones. There on the top shelf, so you have to reach up to get them, practically feeling his eyes burning into your ass, which is now partially exposed, and you jump slightly when you feel hands around your waist.

"Need some help?" he whispers in your ear, and you refuse to let him get you flustered again, so you grab the cones, before looking at him over your shoulder.

"No, I got it," you say before pushing your ass back against him, and you feel his breath hitch. "Thanks though," you say, smirking before walking away, looking back and chuckling slightly at his shocked expression.

Ymir takes the stuff from you and makes you wait in the house, wanting to announce you when you come out, and you shake your head fondly, but following anyway, and when she calls your name, you're walking out, the backyard is filled with whoops and hollers, and you find yourself smiling and laughing. Maybe this wasn't a bad idea after all.

Everyone surrounds you at the table as they sing happy birthday, and you blow out the candles, everyone clapping before Ymir starts to cut the cake. Everyone comes to you individually when they can during the party, wishing you a happy birthday and giving you a hug.

You got into the pool pretty early, about seven people being able to get in without it being crowded, and also because it was a lot hotter than you thought it would be, so people are coming in and out of the house to escape the heat. You're slipping your shoes off when you make eye contact with Eren across the yard, who's watching you, and you make a show of slowly stripping off your shirt, tossing it in a chair next to you before turning around and bending over, sticking your arm in the water, pretending that you're testing the temperature, knowing that this swimsuit was a little bit more revealing than your other ones, knowing that your ass was nearly exposed.

You look over your shoulder to see that his eyes are glued to your ass, and you can help but chuckle before you get in, feeling proud of yourself because two can play at this game. You sort of just wade in the water, talking to your friends. You don't go underwater since you just got twists, which Ymir paid for, even though you insisted that she didn't have to, but she said she was treating you since it was your birthday.

You share your slice of cake with Jean, opting for eating ice cream instead, and you make eye contact with Eren for a second time, and another idea forms in your head. He's watching you intently this time, a look in his eye you can't really pinpoint, but you check to make sure no one's looking your way before licking at your ice cream in the filthiest way, and you can see his fist clench, making you smile widely.

You dip a finger into it before raising it to your mouth, making a lewd show of licking your finger clean before popping it out of your mouth, sending him a wink, and you see him breathe out heavily before he looks away, and you laugh softly before Ymir's pulling you away saying that you have to take pictures for the occasion.

There's some alcohol because it's Ymir, but not enough for you to be overly concerned, taking a couple of shots until Ymir insists that you have a few more because you're close to being legal now, and you have to stop her when she tries to take more than you. The party's pretty much died down, the only people left are some of your close friends, and you're walking into the house to put the ice cream in the freezer when you hear footsteps behind you.

You turn around to see Eren, hiding your smirk as you close the freezer. "Happy birthday," he says as his eyes trail down your body, your suit still wet from the water, so it's clinging to your skin.

"Thanks," you respond easily, noticing that there's an edge to his voice. To Eren right now, you're basically naked, and he's pretty sure you know that. He couldn't help the envious burn in his chest at the sight of Jean hugging you, his hand resting on the exposed skin between your top and your bottoms, and he wanted to walk over there and take you in front of everybody.

His eyes were on you the entire time, never leaving you, and it's not like he wanted to, and he already knew that he was going to have you after your first little stunt, but you kept going, kept pushing him. He knew you knew that he was watching you, having to quickly stop his mouth from falling open after seeing how little your swimsuit was.

He didn't expect you to be such a fucking tease, nearly having to go somewhere to take care of his hard-on that you caused after your third stunt, and that's when he lost it. "Aren't you glad you had the party?" he asks you, and you smile softly before nodding.

"Yeah, I did. Ymir did a really good job," you admit, and he nods, his eyes catching a drop of water run down your chest into the valley of your breasts, and he feels his dick stir again. He steps closer to you until the freezer is digging into your ass.

"You think you're cute, don't you?" he asks, and you shrug as you tilt your head.

(play the music here hehe)

"Maybe. Did you like it?" you ask teasingly, and he smirks at you as he rests his hands on either side of you on top of the freezer. "Thought it would be nice for you to get a taste of your own medicine." You don't know where all of this confidence is coming from, but you don't let it ruin the moment.

"Yeah?" he says, leaning closer to your lips.

"Yeah," you echo, watching his eyes glance down at your lips before he licks his.

He watches you smirk, the lustful look in your eyes matching his, both of you more than feeling the tension in the room. You turn around, moving just enough so that he doesn't have to move his arm, and his eyes instantly fall to your ass, and his hands grip the edge of the freezer when you bend over, and he moves back to give you room, your backside flush against his dick, and he sighs heavily.

The music from outside is still clear as day, so you roll your hips against him to the rhythm of the music as his hands grip your hips. You go from moving your hips side to side, up and down, rolling them around in a circle until Eren feels like he might cum from the stimulation and the sight of your almost naked ass grinding against him.

And you can't help but admit that this is affecting you too. You're pretty sure that if your swimsuit wasn't wet, then the huge wet spot from your arousal that you know is there would show through. You gasp suddenly when he pulls you up flush against his chest but your shoulder, his hands rubbing all over your body as you continue moving your hips.

"So," you start, not even realizing that you're practically breathless from just grinding against him. "How's it taste?"

He brings a hand up to your neck, guiding you to face him, and he leans down but pulls away when you try to close in, and he smirks seeing the hunger in your eyes that matches his. "If you're gonna fuck me, Jaeger, then fuck me."

That's all it takes before he's crashing his lips down on yours, the kiss taking your breath away as he tightens his hands around your waist. He pulls away too quickly for your liking, but the next thing you know he's pulling you upstairs so fast that you're glad you took your shoes off because you're sure that you would've tripped. He's leading you to his old room, quickly opening the door and closing it behind him, the door barely clicking closed before he has you on the bed, his hands touching every part of your body that's exposed.

His lips are on yours again, and kissing him is nothing like you've ever imagined, which to your embarrassment is way too many times to count. It's sloppy, but it feels so good, like finally receiving something that you've been deprived of for so long. He unravels the string on your swim top, his lips never leaving yours as he throws the clothing to the side.

The kisses are nothing but tongue, but it's full of hunger, the sounds of your lips smacking together echoing in the room, and he moves down, sucking every mark into your neck until it's covered in love bites as his hands cup your boobs, groping them roughly, whining softly when he pulls at the hard buds.

"Come on, Eren," you plead, bucking your hips up, brushing against his raging erection, and he groans into your neck before lifting himself up to get rid of his trunks while you get rid of your bottoms. You can't help but gape at his dick, looking at how big it is, and you start to worry if it'll actually fit.

"It'll fit," Eren states, reading your mind, sitting up on his knees, looking down at you. "You're gonna take all of it, cause I'm not playing games anymore."

Your mouth opens to say something, but you go quiet when he starts stroking himself, and you realize that you haven't actually looked at him. And, God, he's so hot, your mouth watering subconsciously. This is way better than what you've fantasized, and you fight the urge to pinch yourself to make sure you're not dreaming.

You lean forward to rub down his abs which definitely feel like they could cut glass before you brush over his length on the way down, making his jaw clench. You're about to replace his hand, but he moves yours away, and you're being pushed back down onto the bed as he lines himself up.

You gulp in anticipation, but your mouth falls open when you feel the tip start to stretch you out, and you moan at the feeling. He braces himself on his elbows as he slides in further, and you feel your eyes roll back as you feel the stretch burn throughout your whole body rendering you nearly speechless.

"God," he pants, his voice breaking as he rests his forehead against yours. "You feel so fucking good, even better than I fucking imagined," he sighs once he bottoms out, and you feel so full, your nerve endings on a thousand.

"Move," you manage, and he wastes no time in pulling out, and you go from feeling completely empty to full in an instant, your scream bouncing off the walls as he thrusts into you mercilessly, his chain smacking your chin with every roll of his hips.

"Eren!" you scream when he hits those bundle of nerves inside of you, and his hips falter when you clench around him.

"Shit, say my name again, baby girl. Scream it," he demands, picking up the pace to brutalize that spot, and your nails dig into his back as you say his name over and over again like a mantra.

"Ngh, I'm close." You can barely get the words out, every cant of his hips feels like he's reaching deeper inside of you every time.

"Shit, me too. Cum, baby, please cum," he begs, running a hand down your side to thumb at your clit. You cum as soon as he makes contact, and he puts his lips on yours to muffle your scream of his name as you cum so hard you see stars. "Fuck," he whispers, his hips seeming to pick up speed, and then his body's tensing as he shoots into you.

You don't even have the chance to catch your breath because he's slipping out of you and flipping you over. You already feel the soreness starting to form, and he rubs soothing circles down your back as he props you up on your knees. "You got one more in you for me, I know you do, baby," he says, easing back inside of you, and you feel your eyes rolling at the stretch.

"Move, Eren, come on," you rush, moving your hips back against him, and he grips your hips hard before he starts moving, and your hands keep a tight grip on the sheets as you bite into the pillow, muffling the sounds that spill out of your mouth that you have no control over.

He's ramming into that spot inside of you, and your body is shaking with overstimulation, the only way you're staying upright is because he's holding you. "Too--oh fuck," you cry out, trying to tell him that it's too much, your body feeling like it's going to explode, your brain numb with pleasure.

"You can take it, you're my good girl, yeah?" He releases a broken moan when you clamp around him, and he leans over you, his grunts and suppressed moans are breathing right in your ear, and you let out a broken whine as you buck back into him as you seem to move away from him at the same time.

His head falls on your shoulder. "God, Y/N, you feel so good, I'm so fucking close," he praises, and the wrecked sound of your name is the last straw, dropping your head down to cover the loud scream that rips from your chest, your body going rigid as your eyes roll back in your head.

"Shit, shit," he swears, and he's cumming right after you, releasing another load inside of you. You both stay in the same position, your ragged breaths barely filling your ears, wincing when he pulls out, and as soon as he lets go, you're falling limp on the bed.

You barely move, every shift of your legs sends an overstimulated jolt through your body, and you feel him flop down on the bed next to you.

"Happy Birthday, Y/N."

|Chapter 4|Masterlist|Chapter 6|

#nothing changed #eren jaeger #eren yeager #eren jaeger x black reader #eren yeager x black reader #eren jaeger smut #eren yeager smut #aot smut #snk smut #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction