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caandlelit · 10 months

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Matsukawa pauses at the end of the hallway and says, 'So, be honest for a second.'

'Oh, just a second? Doable,' Hanamaki says. He stops too, rocking back on his heels just once, still smiling.

Matsukawa hesitates.

Then, 'Do I have a chance with you?'

Hanamaki's smile drops.

'What are you talking about.'

'In any possible way,' Matsukawa clarifies, or, his tone is that of clarification. Hanamaki is still buffering, so it sounds like horseshit to him. 'In any universe, do you think, of any of the possible—worlds of us.'

'Worlds of us,' he repeats faintly. He'd said possible twice.

'Could I,' Matsukawa nods.

And; 'Could we? Maybe if. If you think about it, us being, going, or generally about me is there even a—chance,' he finishes.

Trails off.

A subdued, pathetic end to a question that had been sprung so casually, so nonchalant, so hey listen what's the time or yo pass me that pencil that Hanamaki is actually, sincerely reeling.

At the juxtaposition, like. The absurdity of this moment. Someone brushes past and they both take a step closer.

And; Matsukawa is 15 years and 8 months, six feet, a stupendous sixty nine kayjee worth of ease. He has never studied for a test. He talks so slowly it's offensive and squints at scary movie scenes to see them better. He spent their last cram sesh watching 'pen trick' tutorials online. He is most likely to laugh in the face of death, quietly and with his shoulders shaking.

He is flushed and slightly sweaty.

It's ten A.M. Shoes squeak against the clean hallway floors. Lockers slam shut and doors click open. Hanamaki stares for a long time at Matsukawa's twitching jaw, the red creeping into his ears, the nervous flex of long fingers as they slide up his nape into his hair.

'Answer.' Gaze fixed above Hanamaki's head.

'No?'

Dark eyes blink down to meet Hanamaki's. 'No?'

'No,' he asserts. Crosses his arms, because he's feeling a bit stupid with them hanging by his sides, leftover from when his jaw'd been hanging, just now, five seconds ago.

Matsukawa looks like his world has just ended.

Still, he asks, haltingly, 'No, as in, I don't.'

Hanamaki huffs, shifting his face pointedly away from Matsukawa's. 'No. No as in, I'm not answering that.'

He peeks though, eyes flicking to catch his reaction.

Matsukawa opens his mouth, then closes it.

And Hanamaki knows Matsukawa pretty well because it's been around eight months. Nine, maybe, he's not keeping count. So he knows Matsukawa from the cartilage jutting out the bridge of his nose to his brown, brown knees. Knows he sweats when he's nervous. Knows it goes both ways.

So he keeps quiet and keeps looking at him seriously as Matsukawa goes from worrying the inside of his lip to furrowing his brows. Waits for his forehead to clear and his lips, raw purple to part around, 'Ah.'

Matsukawa looks at him, as if for signs he's joking. Gets none.

His eyes crinkle. He wets his lips, just at the inner seam like his mouth had gone dry.

Hanamaki repeats his, 'Ah,' in a similar tone.

Matsukawa clicks his tongue, a familiar, beautiful ease returning to his body. His cheek dimpling as his lips close around a grin. 'Ah. Okay.'

Hanamaki kicks his shin lightly, and Matsukawa straightens, curving away and oh, he hadn't even noticed that.

The way Matsukawa's whole frame had turned towards him, the hallway blocked off, just them facing each other at a standstill while the rest of the world moved.

Still, stepping back doesn't stop Matsukawa's broadening smile. Self satisfied where mere minutes ago he'd been all but near-breakdown, the insufferable toerag. 'That's a yes.'

They go back enroute to class, falling into step seamlessly and Hanamaki says, trying to hold it off, or maybe attempting to protect himself from violent, amateur flirting, 'Nothing more should be said on this matter.'

Matsukawa is as resilient as a pillar. 'Maybe by you. Maybe this matter is all I personally will ever talk about.'

'Maybe you should think before you speak.'

'Maybe you should speak less confusingly.'

'Maybe you should be less easily confused.'

'Maybe you should get real.'

Hanamaki lets out a bright, giddy laugh. This really is happening. Something thrumming in him says it was always going to.

Matsukawa smiles out at their milling schoolmates, entirely content. Once more at ease. Hanamaki's own cheeks are warm, have been for a few minutes now, but he can't be mad. He's all floating on air, never been happier.

Matsukawa has a chance. More to the point, he wants one.

Hanamaki would give him his own nervous system right out from under his traitorous pink skin, because it's only nervous for him, so a chance is easy. A chance is a given.

A chance was only ever going to be given to him, if Hanamaki is honest. And now, he figures, peeking up at Matsukawa's happy flush, red ears and dimpling mouth, no one else will ever try.

Hanamaki stuffs his hands in his pockets. Walks onward. Matsukawa says, 'So, be honest again.'

'If you're asking.' Hanamaki would tell no lies, if he was asking. At the very least he'd try.

Matsukawa ducks his head but he can't hide that toothy smile, Hanamaki's already seen it. 'Do you want to skip fourth period and go—get something to eat?'

'Are you hungry?' Hanamaki asks, because he wants to know.

'No,' he admits. 'I just want to be alone with you.'

Hanamaki's nervous system is buzzing and alight, his fingertips sparking and his brain thrumming and it's like his entire body is one golden livewire.

He touches Matsukawa's sleeve, then tugs at it and Matsukawa turns, not on fire but face burning red.

'I want to be alone with you too,' Hanamaki confides, cheeks hurting with how hard he's smiling.

'Ten A.M is too early for you to talk to me like that,' Matsukawa says, sounding winded.

Hanamaki laughs, yanks on his sleeve so they can make their getaway.

It's abrupt, spontaneous and daring for the middle of the week so early in the school day but they share a look brimming with crazy excitement when they get to the closest exit.

'What if we get caught?' Matsukawa teases, crowding behind Hanamaki as he hides, flat against a wall as a janitor walks by. His body heat is momentarily everything.

'Take a fucking chance, Issei,' Hanamaki says, and finds Matsukawa's hand, fingers slipping into his.

His palm is sweaty and when he groans, it's open and born of half-delight. 'Whatever, Hiro—anything.'

The gate swings shut and they're already racing down the street.

(11:23 A.M) hanapippi: yo can u hide our bags

(11:23 A.M) hanapippi: drop them off at issei's @ the end ofthe day

(11:32 A.M) iwa seijoh: You guys are nuts

(11:32 A.M) hanapippi: we're on our first date

(11:32 A.M) iwa seijoh: Fine

(11:33 A.M) hanapippi: ur a real 1 💖

#matsuhana #matsukawa issei #hanamaki takahiro #haikyuu fic #seijoh #iwaizumi hajime #lowkey have been considering elongaaaating this one #but i do have lawnchair to think of #like im already busy... do i have time for this littleguy #tumblr is enough maybe #no warnings btw #but cleaned up

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mylittleredgirl · 2 months

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that moment when you cross the point of no return with a character should be accompanied by a specific chime i think. like 🔔 congratulations! this one has been installed in the Permanent Collection and you will never stop thinking about them as long as you live

#that just happened to me in real time btw #they should maybe also consider a warning tone #unfollow that tag and log off right now or that's it for you. no going back. you're gonna name a pet after this one someday #i headcanon'd too close to the sun #containment breach

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heritageposts · 2 months

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I was looking at some of Bashar Murad's old music videos (he's a queer Palestinian artist), and....

7th of August, 2021...

#warning to the liberals here: i have *zero* patience left for whatever recycled lesser evil argument you feel compelled to make #read the room #anyway...#free palestine #palestine #gaza #israel #bashar murad #tamer nafar #that's tamer in the picture btw not bashar

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starsandwriting · 2 months

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Me listening to magp 8: What a fascinating spin on a Lonely statement that asks what if it was the Place that was lonely, so hungry that it desires to quite literally ea- WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK WHAT WHAT WHAT THE FUCKKK WHATTTTTT FUCKING WHAT WHAT COME AGAIN HUH WHAT FUCKING WH

[ID: Cartoony art of people who look comically shocked, terrified, and overwhelmed, with their eyes bugging out and their mouth open, sweating in shock and trembling. End ID]

[Plain text: Multiple variations of "What the fuck" and "come again" written in caps lock. End PT]

[Thank you to @princess-of-purple-prose and @ryutarotakedown for the id's :] I hope it's ok to merge the two!]

#THE LATTER HALF OF THE EPISODE FUCKING KILLED ME THEN KICKED MY CORPSE INTO BURIAL #the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #magp 8 #samama khalid #celia ripley #gerry keay #gertrude robinson #I FUCKING GUESS??????#THEY CANT KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS #WITHOUT WARNING #myar #those pictures are my legit reaction btw #i was legit like. jaw on the floor head in hands staring into nothing

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cryptcatz · 1 year

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question: do ppl ACTUALLY say things they don’t mean when they’re angry? or is that just an excuse after letting something true slip? i wouldn’t ever say something i don’t mean in anger, so the concept confuses me.

but something was said to me that is bothering me, though apparently was said in an argument and wasn’t meant. but i don’t rlly believe it wasn’t like, deep down true thoughts/feelings??? anyone have any insight? anyone say things they don’t mean in anger?

EDIT: this was a hastily worded post that i didn’t expect to get notes. this is a genuine question asked in good faith that i got a lot of amazing answers to!

also re: the many ppl saying “OP is lying about not saying things they don’t mean in anger because everyone does it”— i genuinely have never done that. if i say something mean while angry, i meant it. that’s literally why i asked this question and why the concept confuses me, because i wouldn’t do something like that so i wanted perspective from people who do it. idk why y’all can’t believe that lmao not everyone is as prone to anger and outbursts

#i know im asking The Autism Website but lol will tag autism stuff cuz i think my confusion is related. idk #autism #autistic #actuallyautistic #autistic community #autistic problems #autistic life #autism problems #neurodivergence #neurodiversesquad #personal #btw i do wanna note that this post is abt an abusive person tho #not everyone who does this is abusive! but in my specific case yes #just a warning cuz some stuff being said to me can be a lil uncomfy when saying i should forgive them #i HAVE. MANY times. too many #the anger post #< if you wanna hear more of my thoughts on this #and others thoughts

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inkskinned · 2 months

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before you know about women, you hear that you do not need to love the man, just that you need to love him through his manhood. which is to say you have seen the future painted in lamb's blood over your eyes - how your mother shoots you a look about your father's inability to cook right. how your aunt holds her wineglass and says i'm gonna kill em. men, right! how your best friend bickers with her boyfriend, how she says i can't help it. i come back to him.

you learn: men are gonna cheat. men aren't going to listen when you're talking, because you're nagging. men think emotions are stupid. they think your life is vapid and your hobbies are embarrassing. men will slam things, but that's because men are allowed to be angry. if you get loud, you're hysterical. if a man gets loud - well, men are animals, men are dogs, men can't control their hands or their eyes or their bodies. they're going to make a snide comment about you in the locker room, about your body, about how you're so fucking annoying. you're going to give him kids, and he will give you the money for the kids, and you're going to be running the house 24/7 - but he gets to relax after a long day, because his job is stressful. the man is on stage, and is a comedian, and says "women!"

and you are supposed to love that. you are supposed to love men through how horrible they are to you - because that's what women do. that's what good women do. wife material. your father even told you once - it'll make sense when you're older. it was like staring down a very lonely tunnel.

it feels like something's caught in your throat, but it's all you know, so. it's okay that you see sex as a necessary tool, a sort of okay-enough ritual to keep him happy, even though he doesn't seem to care about happiness as-applied-to you. it is relationship upkeep. it is kissing him and smiling even though he didn't brush his teeth. it is getting on your knees and looking up and holding back a sigh because he barely holds you as you panic through the night. it's not like the sex is bad and you do like feeling wanted. and besides! he's a man! like... they're another species. you'll never be able to actually communicate, right. he isn't listening.

you just don't get it. you don't feel that sense of i'm gonna climb him like a tree. mostly it just feels fucking exhausting. you play the part perfectly. you smile and nod and are "effortlessly" charming. and it's fine! it's alright! you even love him, if you're looking. you could have good life, and a good family, and perfectly happy.

in the late night you google: am i broken. you google i'm not attracted to my husband. you google i get turned on by books but not by him. you google how to get better in bed.

the first time he yells at you, it almost feels like blankness. like - of course this is happening. this is always how it was going to end up. men get angry, and they yell, and you sit there in silence.

you mention it to your friend - just the once - while you're drunk. she shrugs and says it's like that with me too, i just try to forget and move on. men are always gonna hear what they want to. pick your battles and say sorry even though he's in the wrong. you play solitaire online for a month. you go to your therapist appointment and preach about how you're both so in love.

after all, you have a future to want. nobody lied about it - how many instagram posts say marriage is hard. say real love takes work. say we fight like cats and dogs but the best part is that we always make up. how many of your friends say happy anniversary to the best and worst thing to ever happen to me. if you really loved him - loved yourself too - you'd accept that men are just different from you.

the first time she kisses you, it's on a dare at a party. something large and terrifying whips through your body. you wake up sweating from dreams where her mouth is encrusted with pearls and you pick them off one by one with your teeth. fuck. you sit at the computer and your almost-finished game of sim city. you think about your potential perfect life and your potential future family. you google am i gay quiz with your little hands shaking.

you delete each letter slowly. you don't need to love him. you just need to keep going.

#warm up #writeblr #this is also about being ace btw #my identity has slowly shifted over time and maybe if everyone is REAL cool i'll talk bout it #bc it's complicated and nuanced. but this is like #trying to warn u that if you find it “relationship upkeep” to have sex with ur partner #and don't actually enjoy it or seek it for urself. u might just not be attracted to them.#which is fine ! ace ppl can be perfectly happy in any relationship they feel good in!#but also i wasn't as straight as i had expected!#> the first time i saw dick i was like. huh. oh okay that's fine i guess #> the first time i saw pussy i was like. WAIT ACTUALLY HANG ON I GET IT #i just assumed sex wasn't all it was cracked up to be ya know #but also like. btw? this IS NOT saying ''u might be gay not ace''#bc tbh i'm grey ace/demisexual #it's saying u might not be into ur partner. explore urself & ur feelings. turn inward.#TAKE THIS IN THE MANNER IT WAS MEANT> GENTLE AND KIND #AND NOT IN A WEIRD INTERNET WAY PLEASE #bc the truth is that there ARE ppl who are gay who assume that they just ''don't like'' sex #and ace ppl who might need a different partner w/different needs #and i would have REALLY needed to hear ''check in w/urself about if u actually like sex''#WAY EARILIER in my life. but nobody said anything bc they assume if ur having sex. u like it.#not just the actual act of sex. not once ur turned on. do you ACTUALLY like it. or is it a burden?#even if ur gay. check w/urself. maybe ur more ace than u realized. in which case. ADDITIONAL FLAG BB #i love collecting my flags. i'm at like 354 at this point #but also btw this is about how toxic relationships are SO normalized that u can be in one #and have everyone around u being like ''THATS JUST MEN LOL''

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yuudamari · 2 months

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You know how it is with the 2009 emo hair

#persona 3 #p3 #makoto yuki #akihiko sanada #fuuka yamagishi #mitsuru kirijo #yukari takeba #my sketches #warning ive never played p3 btw im only in july rn im reload hust inc ase pls no spoilers....#also this is super sketchy but ummm whatever

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courtmartialme · 3 months

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hyuai dynamic in my delusion world. riza didn't really like hughes at first because she wasn't used to such a cheerful personality, and also kinda judged him for building a family after all they've done, but she eventually warms up to him. on the other hand hughes always liked her and enjoys telling her about his family because she's a very good listener :^) did you know hughes calls her "riza-chan" in one of the fma games i think that's important

#riza hawkeye #maes hughes #roy mustang #royai #fma #fullmetal alchemist #the only other people that can invade rizas personal space are rebecca and havoc btw #actually most people could. they're just too scared. hughes becca n havoc are the only ones who are immune to her warning aura #and roy but his reasons for not being touchy are different (guilt)

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kojitheopossum · 28 days

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like to slap his bald head reblog to slap his bald head

#feel free to request ur fav tango hat btw i’ll add it on #looks around . is this a safe place . may i speak #hes so bald i need him #what who said that ?????#also fun fact my mom walked by me drawing this and all she did was loudly yell EWWWW #tango #tangotek #tangotek fanart #flash warning #my art

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blueskittlesart · 6 months

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Now that you're gone

#*guy who just spent a full month selling 60 pages worth of comics voice* i should write another comic #this is part 1 of 2 btw. i have another one scripted from aryll's pov LOL #anyway. the concept for this has been in my head for like. years. finally decided to actually write it tho lol #the thought of his family after the initial calamity strike makes me crazy. they lost him. but he was already gone.#he was gone the moment he picked up that sword. could they have stopped it? should they have?#would things have ended any differently if they'd tried? or would it only have been worse for him?#ANYWAY. hi everyone new black and white zelda comic from the black and white zelda comic guy #skribbles #botw #loz #legend of zelda #breath of the wild #totk #tears of the kingdom #OH SHIT. TRIGGER WARNINGS #tw gore #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #<sorry 4 forgetting at first LMAO

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smallpapers · 2 years

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Guilt of Peace

A moment in the Noceda household a few weeks after the Day of Unity.

(you.are.here: tag/masterlist)

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demigods-posts · 5 months

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one of my not-so-favorite things about rrverse fanfics is how often percy is described as clueless. like, i know it's all in good fun and for comedic value, but percy is incredibly perceptive. for the first twelve years of his life, he was raised in an abusive household and was consistently surrounded by people who would belittle him for shit he couldn't control. so being perceptive was likely a defense mechanism. then he was immediately thrust into a world with threats of godly proportions and monsters with the intent to kill. so it quickly became a survival tactic. the only time percy has ever been clueless was about people being romantically interested in him, which could definitely be chalked up to low self-esteem.

#this boy succesfully defeated the minotaur with no training #outsmarted and decapitated crusty #figured out that ares's true motivation with involving himself in the quest #beat ares in a sword fight (ares is the god of war btw)#and warned the gods of the titan war four years in advance #all before he was thirteen #put some respect on his name #percy is so smart and i would love to see people talk about it more #pjo #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo text post #percy jackson

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metamatronic · 9 months

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“I didn’t mean to fall. I just hung around the wrong people.”

stills under the cut:

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bones-of-a-rabbit · 6 months

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planning smthn,,

(and by planning i mean i have one(1) page sketched out at all even a little bit period)

but stay tuned,, for a tale of some emotionally unwell robots and their struggle to be normal abt it every time you leave for more than five minutes <3