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imbellarosa · 4 years

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I'm likely the most anxious person alive. My anxiety is just terrible. I'm never not worrying and panicking and feeling so paranoid about things in my life. Except now it's reached a whole new level where I'm constantly plagued with anxious thoughts in this fandom. It's kind of fully taken over my life where my first thought when I wake up is about them, to the hours I'm lying awake (oh it's fun being an insomniac) waiting for sleep to finally grant me some serenity. It doesn't matter how many

, Atimes I tell myself I have no control over anything and I'm only ever seeing a tiny bit of the whole story so it's pointless. I try so hard to choose to not worry and not go insane thinking about everything but alas, anxiety is not a choice. This has manifested itself in a multitude of ways. Lyric analysis used to be something I savoured doing bc I have always connected so deeply with words and literature and I'm always someone who wants to dig deep beneath the surface, to see the parts of ppl

& lyrics that others gloss over, just delving into the core of things, seeing ppl for who they truly are. But now, I feel like I am losing it, that it's all become like this weird obsession. We all know BNFs are like DO NOT CHERRY PICK LYRICS and basically IGNORE THAT WEIRD GUT FEELING ABOUT ANY LYRICS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE SOMETHING'S NQR and they can sue me but I don't work like that. I've been obsessing over certain lyrics that I can't decipher or find an alternate meaning to the literal

one & obviously if it were to be taken literally it would be bad. And I just get so mad at myself for not understanding when words have always been my thing right? Like it was always where I excelled with flying colours and it came so naturally to me and then I get so exasperated with them (okay mainly H for his unfathomable lyrics) bc I want to understand more than anything (& I think deep down he craves being understood too) but he makes it so hard. But that's not the extent of it, I just

worry incessantly about everything. I just can't turn off my mind and it feels like it's on the verge of exploding. I wish I knew how to just take everything lightly & just revel in this fandom & have fun but instead I feel jaded and vexed all the time. And sometimes that infuriation is directed towards them & I feel guilty as I know that's unfair but I can't help it but it just gets on my nerves bc of the things they do & say (or rather don't do/say) haha so fun!! Apologies for this whole spiel

Hey anon <3! First of all, my inbox is always open, so jot that one right down. Second of all, I’m gonna say something that might sound out of line, but I think I have to say it: this sounds like your mental health might not be in a great place right now. And I don’t mean your “in fandom mental health”, I mean it sounds like your anxiety is giving you a really hard time overall, which, believe me, I know how much that sucks. Life is a lot right now. But what I am hearing you say is that this fandom has become a really tangible manifestation of those anxieties. Let me know if I’m way off base here, okay? But I’m going to ask some questions (that you totally don’t have to reply to me - you can absolutely just take inventory on your own if that’s how you feel most comfortable.

Are you safe? If you’re not safe, is there someone you can call? If not, here is the International Association for Suicide Prevention so that you can find resources in your area. If you are at all contemplating this, please stop reading right here and give them a call.

If you are safe, do you have someone you can talk to about how you feel? This can be someone that knows who you are in the fandom and can talk to you with immediate replies, or someone outside of fandom, like an irl friend or family member.

This question is primarily to do with a non-professional support system: do you have one you feel you can trust? If not, what are the things you could do to work towards that?

This question is about professional support: it sounds to me like you’re saying that your anxiety is really impairing your day to day functions. If this is the case, do you have a professional you can talk with about potential coping skills? It sounds like fandom used to be one, but as the environment here changed, so did your relationship with it, and so maybe reaching out to someone that can point you in other directions for coping skills is a good thing. Because I don't know where you live, my best advice would be to call your physician and explain the symptoms you’ve been having and ask if they have a list of therapists that you could see for little to no charge. If you don’t have a physician (and I often don’t) then google is your best friend here. There are some resources available, but none of them take the place of seeing a doctor. In the US, if you don’t have insurance, you can go to a local community clinic and ask to be put on a waiting list for a therapist, if you’d like.

I know that you’re saying that your anxiety is making it really difficult to disengage with BNFs and the discourse and all, but do you think that we could take it one step at a time? Like, for example, the lyric thing seems to really trigger your anxiety, so could you unfollow one blog (just one!) that makes you feel like that, and then see if you like your dash a bit better? It is TOTALLY okay to unfollow someone for your own mental health, and it isn’t a negative reflection on either of you!

Do you think that engaging with other media would help at all? For example, Supernatural has 15 whole seasons of absolute campy goodness which I really, really unironically adore. When this fandom gets too much, I turn on an episode and get lost in it for a hot second. Another thing I really enjoy is Good Omens! The book is AMAZING, and the TV show is HILARIOUS! And while we’re on recs, I SUPER SUPER recommend anything by Neil Gaiman, but “Stardust” in particular is a great, soothing read for me, and I LOVE the audiobook! Ah! Hot Tip! I pay for audible, and it is one of the BEST things for my anxiety, especially when I pick the right books. The voices are soothing, the stories are great, and I can just...tune everything else out.

If other media doesn’t help, would other hobbies? Would you be willing to go on a walk once a day to look for pretty stones or to ride your bike out with a book and stay for a minute or to start drawing at home or to write? Is there a way that you think you could healthily express these emotions which are a really normal response to an abnormal situation (the world is kinda a mess rn)

It sounds like you are feeling really badly that you don’t think you can get a grasp on the songs. Is there something you can do to rebuild your confidence here? Can you talk about it with a fandom friend, or write down all your theories and see which one sticks or start a brand new analysis with something that has nothing to do w H or L and then come back to the drawing board?

These are just questions that I would ask a friend that came to me with these issues, but honestly, I cannot stress #4 enough - if your anxiety is overwhelming (and it sounds like it is) then speaking to a professional is *so so so* important. I think it’s time to go take care of yourself, anon, and the boys will be here when you’re ready to interact with their content again. They’ll wait, you know? And I’ll be here the whole time if you want to do check-ins with me. I want to know that you’re okay, friend <3

#anon asks #i answer #i think that maybe some lyrics are literal and some are not #and that sometimes you get a mix in a song #i think often it's harry that has less literal lyrics #you're right #and i think that he often distances himself from the story #which he is very much a part of #but anyways #take care of yourself my friend and come back soon #long post for ts #tw suicide #tw anxiety #Anonymous

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wheredidthe80sgo · 4 years

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Should I read All For The Game?

A fan’s perspective, in case you were wondering whether or not you needed this mafia-sports series in your life (hint: I think you do).

(This post was made by a fan for people who may want to become fans. I was unsure about first reading something so different to other books I’ve read, so I thought that I should just put this out there for people who might feel the same way.)

Reasons to read AFTG:

1. The fandom: I’m starting with one of my favourite things about AFTG. While the fandom is small, it’s dedicated. There is fanart and textposts and fanfiction all over the place from these dedicated people. It was so nice to read a book series and walk into a place where other people are already there, and continuing to contribute to it. And from my pov, there really isn’t that much drama which is nice (although I am on the outskirts).

2. The writing: considering you won’t find AFTG in your local bookstore as it wasn’t published by a company, the writing and storytelling is well done. Sure, it reads like a fanfiction, but sometimes it’s nice to read something self-indulgent rather than literary masterpiece. Nora did well with the world-building and the grammar and spelling is all correct (which I wanted to mention since the writing was something I was hesitant about when reading it for the first time).

3. The actual storyline: yes, it has the Japanese mafia and a made up sport, but AFTG is nothing if not entertaining. There are twists and turns which I did not expect (the end of The Raven King anyone?) and there’s always something to keep you guessing and wanting more. It might sound ridiculous, but watching Neil Josten run from the yakuza is good fun. And, like I said before, this is no literary masterpiece like Dickens or Tolstoy, so just go with it and have fun.

4. The characters: the cast of characters is one thing I love especially about these books. Yes, most of them are assholes, but somehow you fall in love with them one by one. Our protagonist, Neil Josten, is one hell of a messed up kid, and yet makes you laugh and cry many times, or maybe that’s just me. Andrew Minyard, our blond midget, is, in my one opinion, the most interesting character in the series, and certainly provides the books with something... unique. Surrounding our two leads is the Palmetto State Foxes, and a lot of them: Andrew’s twin, Aaron; their cousin, Nicky; Kevin Day, former Exy superstar; Dan Wilds, team captain and badass; Matt Boyd, Dan’s boyfriend and resident Bro; Renee Walker, good girl with a mysterious past; Allison Reynolds, beautiful heiress; Seth Gordon, absolute asshole and Allison’s sometimes boyfriend; Wymack, coach; Abby, team nurse; and Bee Dobson, their therapist. The Foxes are an extremely dysfunctional bunch, yet come together as a family (eventually). They’re moving in times, hilarious in others, and always, always brilliant. Along with the main characters, there are side characters, such as Jean Moreau and Jeremy Knox, who absolutely steal your hearts while being present in less than ten scenes (less than five for Jeremy!!). Also, if you try hard enough, the characters can all be very gay. Personally, out of all of the characters mentioned above, the only straight ones to me are Aaron and Wymack, but it’ s really up to your personal opinion. The fandom certainly has a lot of opinions on this.

5. The sports: now, I’m not a huge sports fan, but when I tell you I actually got excited for the Exy matches, I mean it. A brutal lacrosse-type game, Exy is complicated and hard to understand, yet keeps you excited. Yes, it has lots of subplots related to the yakuza, but AFTG is a sports series at heart, and Exy is certainly fun. Plus, Kevin and Neil’s over-the-top obsessions are certainly a great running gag and guaranteed to make you laugh and/or sigh at least once.

6. The relationships: finally, we arrive. As a hopeless romantic, I always need romance in my books to keep me interested, and AFTG certainly delivers. On your first read, it may not be as obvious who the intended romance is, but by the time you get to the third book (spoiler alert!!) Andrew and Neil kick off their romance and it is beautiful. Featuring one of only two representations of demisexual characters I’ve ever seen in books, AFTG is romantic and very gay while featuring things like PTSD, assault and consent throughout. I may not be the best person to talk about this, but the way consent is handled is absolutely beautiful. If you research the fandom, you would know that one of the main things Andrew and Neil are known for is ‘yes or no’. The subtle way these two handle their relationship is a great way to represent consent, showing how it doesn’t need to spoil the mood. Not only does the series have great romantic relationships, but also familial connections. The Foxes are super dysfunctional (especially a few people in particular), but they do end up being a found family, which is always something to look forward to.

7. The aesthetic: orange, white and black, cigarettes, rooftops, gay pining, knives and guns; need I say more?

Although!! While I love these books for everything they are, I understand that other people have different experiences so I feel like I should mention there are a few things in the series that could potentially trigger people, so I just want to add a trigger warning: mentions of rape/abuse, drugs and alcohol use, homophobia, explicit violence, swearing, sex (not so explicit) , use and mention of things like knives and guns, quite a bit of torture (mainly talked about, or described in flashbacks except for one scene in the third book). All of the Foxes have traumatic backstories and as they’re being targeted by the yakuza so some really bad things happen over the series to a few characters.

In conclusion (if you didn’t want to read all that), All For The Game is one of my favourite book series of all time, so of course I’m a little biased, but it truly is a good series. Very much something to read when you don’t want to take it too seriously, it has a dedicated fan base with great characters, relationships and a killer aesthetic. Everyone should say thank you Nora Sakavic for bringing this into our world (although we all collectively disregarded her canon pretty quickly). Yes, it has fanfic tropes (quite a few, now that I think about it) and it gets pretty ridiculous and cringe-worthy sometimes, but it also means a lot to a lot of people like me, and hopefully, if you’d like, it could mean something to you too.

#i hope people see this #and i hope it's ok #i just thought there should be something like this out there for people who want to read it #aftg #all for the game #tfc #the foxhole court #trk #the raven king #tkm #the king's men #nora sakavic #neil josten #andrew minyard

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science-and-chex-mix · 4 years

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Recommended fanfics!

Whoo, boy! I’ve only just recently joined ao3 with an official account...I’ve been reading as a guest for almost a year, and I don’t really have any saved, but I’ll try my best!

Idk what fandoms you’re into but I’m into Marvel, especially Spider-Man/ Irondad and Spiderson, so that’s what you’re getting now XD

ONTO THE RECS!!!

General Avengers Fic:

SHIELD High: Avengers AU: S.H.I.E.L.D. High is a place where those with special talents can hone their skills and make friends along the way. The Avengers are included in this student body and are frequently getting into trouble. Let's see if they can stay out of trouble just long enough to walk across the stage at the end of the year! Okay, so this first one is on fanfiction.net, and I’ve read it twice. It’s an Avengers high school au, and it’s the best one I’ve read. Most of the Avengers start out not knowing or not liking each other at first, but they all come together in the end, just like in the movie! There’s humor, mystery, romance- everything you need! It’s definitely not your typical high school au, and I love the mix of awkward teenager-ness and the mighty heroes we know. There’s no big baddie here- everyone’s just trying to graduate, and they have to pull some unorthodox moves to do it.

Spider-Man Fics:

arachnic decathlon: No one every really tells you what to do in the case of bus explosions, field trips, hostage situations, and identity reveals. Of course, the aftermath is ten times worse and, well, Peter just considers himself lucky that he doesn't have to figure that stuff out on his own. Okay so this is actually a series with two works, and it. is. amazing!! It’s a twist on the classic field trip trope where they never actually make it to Stark Industries- instead they get held hostage, and Peter has to reveal his identity to save his decathlon team. The second fic is all about the team coping with the trauma of their experience, and I love that the author wrote that!! I’ve read this one twice, too!

the L in Love stands for Loser: Another series rec! This is a series of 6 great Spideychelle fics about mutual pining, a first kiss, and what Michelle and Peter’s relationship looks like among the chaos of school and Spider-Man. There is no Endgame or Infinity war in this series! I’m really bad at explaining things, so here’s my favorite quote from the whole thing: “‘Peter,’ Michelle says without any decernable intonation. Oh no, this is bad. He's dead. “Do you remember what I said at lunch today?’ ‘Um, that you'd leave me for John Boyega in a hot second,’ he replies slowly. ‘Yes, and the other thing,’ she says. ‘That if I missed two decathlon meetings in a row you'd be very angry but ultimately forgive me,’ he offers. ‘Close,’ she replies. ‘Where are you? And if the answer is not on the way to the auditorium, maybe reconsider your answer.’ ‘Uh…’ A parked car gets thrown at his head and he swings away with seconds to spare. ‘Look, people are accusing me of favoritism,’ she says. ‘They're implying that I actually like you.’ ‘They might've gotten that impression from the fact that we made out for fifteen minutes at lunch on Monday,’ he offers.”

Miscommunications: Ever since Steve and Tony's spat (also known as the pissing contest that tore the Avengers apart) things have been a little strained. They all cope with it in their own ways. Rhodey tries not to have a heart attack every time Tony says something that causes him stress, Natasha and Tony eat Chinese food in Tony's workshop and don't talk about anything important, Clint ignores all the advice given to him by Neil-the-therapist, and Steve continues to choose his unstable, manic depressive friend over his other equally-unstable manic depressive friend. Enter, Peter Parker. (Who would've thought it would be miscommunications about Tony's non-biological kid that bring the team back together?) Okay, the first fic in this series is a great 5+1 fic where the Avengers are suspicious, Peter is an idiot cinnamon roll, and there is a surprise guest appearance of Nathaniel Clinasha, Vent Repair Man. It’s amazing and hilarious- the fourth chapter’s almost crack, but it’s not! The second fic is also fantastic, featuring MJ being a terrible therapist. There’s a healthy mix of hilariousness and seriousness (because being a superhero really messes with your mental health) and it’s a great read!!

research and disaster: There should have been nothing remarkable about two people in a busy cafeteria, but Becket takes in the familiar sight of curly hair, brown eyes, and a t-shirt with a science pun on it talking animatedly alongside Actual Anthony Edward Stark and promptly drops his lunch. He gapes for a solid second, seeing but not believing. It definitely doesn’t look like Mr. Stark is forcing the kid to leave, or firing him, or escorting him to security given the relaxed smiles on both of their faces. If anything, Becket thinks Mr. Stark looks rather proud. “So, uh, Mr. Stark definitely knows Roomba-Kid,” Becket says and discreetly tilts his head in the direction of the pair. “Oh my god,” Jess says. She almost sounds gleeful. “Oh my god, he’s not just some random kid. He’s Mr. Stark’s kid.” or: the interns at Stark Industries have some questions about Peter Parker. The answers aren’t quite what they expect. Okay, this fic is absolutely hilarious. It’s an outsider’s pov on Peter and Tony’s relationship, from the eyes of a Stark Industries intern, featuring singing roombas, unstickable sticky notes, and general confusion. Well worth a read! All of this author’s fics are great, actually- they wrote the academic decathlon fics and a few others that are worth checking out!

Okay there are so many great fanfics that I would love to rec...but unfortunately, I have absolutely none of them saved as I have been reading on incognito mode with no account, so these are just some I’ve thought of off the top of my head. I can definitely find more to recommend if anyone wants me to! Not just from this fandom, either, I’ve read fanfics for several others (Gravity Falls, PJO, Star Wars, others I can’t remember right now because it’s 2:34 am)

Thanks for the ask! This took a while, but I came across lots of good fics I had forgotten about and new ones I haven’t read while trying to find some to rec, so it’s a win-win! <3

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claudiapriscus · 5 years

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Random thought

Watching more Lucifer with my roommate tonight, we were talking about some of the odd world building (including its take on hell), the fact that Lucifer as a character always gets everything ass backwards, and the fact that you could rank all the characters in every episode on how well they're owning their shit... And I had two glorious realizations. The first, that the show operates not on a spectrum of morality, but a spectrum of well-adjustedness, and so instead of good guys and bad guys, characters' turns as heroes and villains are predicated on how self-aware they are acting, how in touch with their emotions the are, and the quality of their coping mechanisms. Two, in line with that, and with what the show repeatedly establishes over and over, it would be hilariously credible that Lucifer's great feud with God actually was something completely minor and harmless and 100% not what he thought it was. No one will take this headcanon from me. Not only is it funny to think of Neil Gaiman-as-God spending the entire show facepalming, you could also take it to mean that the whole plot about Chloe's conception was bc, domino fashion, it wasn't so much creating her as much as ensuring that when they crossed paths, she was immune to him... Which triggers a series of events that ends with Lucifer talking to a therapist. Considering all the angsting, this would be hilarious. (And lastly, it amuses me greatly to think of this show as like, a mirror image of Supernatural, which has a bit of tendency to tell stories glorifying dysfunction. And that means that you could create gloriously cracky crossovers. In Lucifer, SPN characters would be villains, not because they'd be antagonists, but because they're so... Well. Codependent? In denial? Repressed? Pick your poison. Which means you could even take it further, flip it around and write a story in SPN in which Dr Linda is the ultimate enemy, asking questions that force self awareness. Ahhhh. Such good crack... Which I'm not writing)

#Lucifer

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icemankazansky · 5 years

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2, 4, 8, 15, 17, 20, and 29 for the identity ask

Thank you for asking!

2. have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

Mary Roach is who I want to be when I grow up. She sees the world like I do–very interesting and worthy of investigation but also fucking hilarious. This is the way I write when I write nonfiction–with logic and facts and complete irreverence, and let me tell you, some people do not like that at all.

4. do you like your name? is there another name you think would fit you better?

I have two names, and I don't like either of them. My uncle actually stole the name my parents planned on giving me for his daughter a few months before I was born, so my parents made that my first name but called me by my middle name, because they thought it would be fun for me to have to correct every person I ever met for the rest of my life. I do not feel connected to my names, and to be honest I resent them a little? For not fitting and for causing me so much grief my whole life. I do like Carly. If it wouldn't cause me more grief, I'd change it.

8. what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime?

True facts: I wrote my undergraduate college admissions essay about Fiona Apple. The question was something like, "Write about someone who has had a significant impact on your life," and I'm sure most people wrote about coaches or their parents, but God, the things Fiona did for me as a teenager and young adult. I started showing symptoms of my mental illness in the seventh grade, and pretty much everyone around me failed to do anything about it. I was very alone with it, and it is an ugly, painful disease that made me feel monstrous and flawed, and I didn't have a model for that. And then I met Fiona. And she was angry and sad and she had dark parts, and I finally felt like I wasn't alone with this thing that was taking over me. She made me feel validated and seen, and she taught me that I could fight this monster. And I have.

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.

Mary Roach, Stiff

Neil Gaiman, American Gods

Sylvia Plath, Ariel

Ellen Raskin, The Westing Game

David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

17. would you say your tumblr is a fair representation of the “real you”?

I mean, I really don't have that much of a filter on here, so yeah, I guess.

20. would you rather be in Middle Earth, Narnia, Hogwarts, or somewhere else?

This is something I should probably keep from my therapist, but when I think of what world I'd want to step into, I always pick something like the Buffyverse or the MCU where I could be a warrior.

29. three songs that you connect with right now.

Kesha, Hymn

Rihanna, Kiss It Better

Tanerelle, Siren

#asks answered #Writing #Music #Personal #Books

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ohmytoastmaster · 5 years

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Movie Recommendations for Public Speaking

Movies are a visual medium of the story telling process and thus draws awe and admiration from an audience spanning generations, classes at a global scale. There are several attributes to a Movie- Acting, screen-play, direction, music, cinematography etc. And each attribute either solely or collectively generates an interest and liking to this century old medium of story telling.

I enjoy watching movies particularly so on the big screen. I also enjoy discussing movies with friends and peers and love to heed and suggest movie recommendations. My favourite genres in movies are biopics (Gandhi, Amadeus, A beautiful mind), period dramas (Gladiator, Katiyar Kaljat Ghusli), Boxing (Ali, Cinderella Man), War (Saving Private Ryan and Letters from Iwo Jima), Legal Dramas and of course Rom-Coms (Notting Hill, Band Baja Baraat).

However let me draw your attention to a particular genre that might interest toastmasters- i.e. toastmasters/ public speaking genre. I would like to recommend you to a couple of movies that stresses or rather depicts the importance of Public Speaking in society and even polity. There is a common thread in particular to the 3 movies.

Two of the three movies are based on true stories. All the 3 movies are brilliantly created and are an absolute delight to walk several times over.

Dead Poets Society (1989)

Starring Robin Williams as John Keats- an unorthodox teacher of English in an elite school- Welton High. The school follows a strict code of conduct and discipline that it considers is essential to produce the best students across America. However Keats (Robin Williams) makes an impression on his class with his non conformist style of imparting lessons on literature and life. Though he makes a quick impression on most of his students, a shy Todd Anderson (Ethan Hawke) makes slow progress. Todd is unable to express himself freely at first but with the steady encouragement from Keats and his diligent room mate Neil Perry, he learns to enjoy and forget his burden of emulating his elder brother’s feats (a former student at Welton). These inspired students then go and revive a Dead Poets Society where they learn to express themselves freely either through poetry or music.

How Todd transforms from a reticent student to a student who discovers his own voice and protests against a wrong forms part of the story. Admirers/ students of English literature or poetry (Emerson, Whitman etc) are most likely to enjoy this movie. My favourite part of the movie is when Todd Anderson comes out of his shell as he composes a poem spontaneously in the class as Mr Keats takes a lesson in self expression.

The Great Debaters (2007)

Great Debaters (directed by Denzel Washington) is based on a true story of how a debating team from Wiley College comprising of American African fight against racial prejudice and emerge victorious in debating contest against much fancied institutions like Harvard. Mentored by Melvin Tolson (Denzel Washington)- a black professor of literature and debate coach, the team comprising of Henry Lowe, Samantha Booke (with an ‘E’) and James Farmer (a 14 year old boy) learn the intricacies and nuances of debate, self control and expression and go on and beat much fancied debating teams including Harvard. Set during the 1930’s, in an America where racial prejudice and mob lynching of blacks was a routine affair, the team comprising of young Black debaters capture the imagination of the black community and debating society makes for a heart wrenching watch. The movie also makes case for Civil Disobedience inspired by Gandhi.

The movie quotes are absolute gems. "Debate is combat, but your weapons are words.” “I have a moral right to resist either through violence or civil disobedience. You better pray I choose the latter.”

The King’s Speech (2012)

While the earlier 2 movies were based on students who learn the importance of expressing themselves, The King’s Speech is also a tale of a student albeit a King- King George VI (portrayed by an Colin Firth) who to cope up with his speech impairment meets a speech therapist Lionel Logue. This is an hilarious movie of a King and his subject, also a student and teacher, and tale of 2 men who fight together their personal struggles. This is a delightful movie and the speech exercises imparted by Lionel Logue make for a hilarious watch. Though a subject, the speech therapist Lionel Logue does not care for the tantrums and unwillingness of his student- King George VI and transforms the reluctant prince to a confident speaker.

Of how a reluctant and hesitant stammering prince who likes to play the second fiddle and be present in the backdrop rather than grabbing centre stage becomes the King of England and tries to instil confidence in his subjects is the crux of the story.

Conclusion

Often, the people who join toastmasters are reluctant speakers and dread the idea of speaking to a larger audience. They seek to set out on their toastmasters journey to become better speakers. The above mentioned movies share the ideals of mentorship, discussions in a peer group and the importance of practice and effort to become a confident person and speaker.

These movies and toastmasters is all about how to overcome this reluctance of speaking to a larger audience and coming out of one’s shell.

(Images: Internet)

#toastmasters #the great debaters #the king's speech #dead poets society

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a-random-viking-blog · 5 years

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Loki’s Therapy

this is a short piece I did as part of the writing exercises from Neil Gaiman's art of storytelling masterclass, so without further ado, I give you Loki’s therapy

Intorductions and Baldur's death

“This is going to be an unusual client.” Dr Fliberwitz thought to himself, he had been going down steps deeper into the earth for almost twenty minutes. He had first suspected something was off when he had been told to meet the client at a cave, but the money was good so Fliberwitz had agreed without question, in hindsight that had been a bad idea.

Upon thinking this, he noticed an ear piercing screaming coming from a little further down, Fliberwitz increased his pace down the stairs, in a rush, he slipped on the damp rocky steps and fell down the last few stairs.

Upon recovering from the fall, he looked around, it was not a huge room, but it was still a sizeable cavern. He could just about see the opposite walls in the dim torchlight, with a pale silhouette moving against it, but this was something to think about later. His eyes were drawn to the source of the scream, a man, chained to a rock in the centre of the room. A snake's head barely visible in the darkness above him, Fliberwitz stood watching in shock as a drop of venom slid slowly down the snake’s fang, and fell almost, to Fliberwitz at least, in slow motion, followed immediately by a blood-curdling scream.

Dr Fliberwitz hurried over “Don’t worry I’ll get you out” he said, panic clear in his voice.

“Its pointless” came a breathless reply in between the agonised screams. Fliberwitz couldn't stand to see someone in such a torturous position and tried his best to undo the chains, as he fumbled he stopped as the silhouetted figure drew closer. Upon closer inspection, he could make out a feminine figure carrying a bowl, which moved swiftly towards the man chained to the rock.

As the bowl was held over his head protecting him from the dripping venom, the screaming quickly subsided and once the man was calm, he turned to Dr Fliberwitz coughed and said “sorry for your rather lacklustre welcome, but as you can see I’m hardly in a position to welcome guests. So you must be that therapist Odin demanded I speak to, not like I have much choice in the matter, and after a few millennia in this cave, it is a welcome distraction”

“Wait, Odin?” Fliberwitz inquired.

“Yes our magnanimous king and the one whos whole idea this fun little prank is…” the chained man replied

“So does this mean that your Loki?” asked Fliberwitz

“Wow, I can see why Odin sent you, a real genius… yes i am he, Loki god of fire and mischief, in all my glory, and this is my wife, Sigyn” as Loki said this Sigyn, took a hand off the bowl to wave, spilling a small drop of venom onto Loki’s face eliciting a short scream. “ I guess you're here to ask me about my feelings and my childhood so I can have a breakthrough and a cry and then you get to go away feeling smug that you helped a god, what a wonderful human you are…”

“We can talk about your feelings and your childhood if you want, but I figured you’d rather talk about stories, and if you'd like to share it, I'd like to hear yours. Afterall I’m sure there's more to it than us mere mortals have heard”

“Carry on playing to my ego and I might even begin to like you.” Loki said a hint of surprise detectable in the layers of sarcasm and spite. “Fine I’ll tell you, but only because I’m bored. Afterall being chained a rock for centuries is far from the most exciting pastime.”

“So it all began a long time ago, in a happier time for everyone, and as many of the best stories, it began with a simple prank. Baldur was having some crazy nightmares, he was getting so upset that he was losing his mind, it was hilarious. But true to form Odin and Frigga couldn't see the hilarity of it. As this went on over the weeks and months, Baldur got more and more disturbed, it was the most interesting golden boy had ever been. But Frigga disagreed, she decided she had to do something, and off she went. A few weeks later she returned, making this crazy claim that everything had promised not to harm Baldur. Now I know a lie when I hear one, I've told so many myself that I can the moment I hear one, unless it’s told with as much charm as i do. So I felt the need to find out just what she was lying about, whilst the rest of the gods got to work having fun throwing things at Baldur and watching them stop before hitting him or just bouncing off. The things that amuse those mindless brutes.”

Fliberwitz let out a small chuckle, Loki smiled wryly and continued “Frigga has always been a doting mother, so the best way to wrangle the truth out of her was to pretend to be a doting mother too, so I took the form of a lovely little old lady, and decided to have a chat with her.

I asked her “Did all things swear oaths to spare Baldur from harm?” “Oh, yes,” the goddess replied, “everything except the mistletoe. But the mistletoe is so small and innocent a thing that I felt it superfluous to ask it for an oath. What harm could it do to my son?” and in that moment I knew exactly what I should do.

I quickly hurried to Midgard, it didn’t take me long to locate a small bush of mistletoe, and it was a small plant, but not so small that I couldn’t make a few little darts from it, but I knew it couldn’t be the one to throw them, so I had to find a patsy.

Upon my return to Asgard, the blundering oafs where still amusing themselves with their simplistic games of throwing things at Baldur, almost all the gods were joining in, almost all, that was when i found the perfect patsy” a twisted smile formed on Loki's face. “Sat in the corner alone was Hodr, Baldur's brother, left out of the festivities as Baldur was the only one who ever bothered trying to bring him into things, and with Baldur occupied no one was paying him the slightest bit of attention. With such a perfect fall guy how could I not go through with my plan?

I approached Hodr, and at first he was suspicious, I guess I’ve always had a bit of a reputation, if anything it only puts the blame further on him for trusting me, the fool, but quickly I made him believe that I wanted only to help him enjoy the festivities with the other brutes, then he argued that he was blind how could he possibly join in the fun. So I presented him with my freshly made darts, and told him that i would guide his hand, he would be part of the fun, joining in with the celebration of his brothers new found immortality. It was near impossible for me to hide my grin, luckily with him being blind and the other gods distracted, it didn’t really matter. I lead him over, placed a dart in his hand, guided him to aim for the heart, and then the moment he threw it, I made myself scarce, after all I didn’t want to make it too obvious what I’d done, also tricking Hodr into killing his brother and Odin's most beloved son, I almost wet myself laughing!” Loki chuckled Fliberwitz forced a smile “so there’s clearly more to this story did you not feel any guilt about this?”

“Not in the slightest” Loki replied “after all this had been my greatest prank to date, but it turned out there were still plenty of chances to milk more fun out of this”

“So what happened?” inquired Fliberwitz

“Well obviously Odin and frig were distraught and they desperately tried to bring Baldur back, and soIi had to fuck with them. They dispatched a rider to bargain with my daughter Hel. Now Hel is fair, but she is not exactly fond of Odin, so she offered a deal, if everything in the 9 realms showed their grief for the loss of Baldur, in the form of a tear, she would release him from the underworld. Now this would be too obvious if I didn’t cry, but trickery is my speciality so I formed a plan, i let their riders go forth and once they were almost done i took the form of an old giantess crone and waited for them in a cave. Upon the entrance of the riders, they begged for me to shed a tear for Baldur, and naturally i simply refused, they begged and begged, but i did not budge, and they left defeated to return to Asgard with news of their failings. Once they were out of earshot, i laughed so hard! It was the perfect revenge for what they did to my kids.

“What happened to your children?” Fliberwitz prompted

“Well that i think is a story for our next session don’t you think? Afterall it looks like the bowl is getting full, but i’ll give you a hint” Loki says as he rattles his chains

“In that case, i shall i be back next week at the same time” Fliberwitz said as he gathered his notes, put them in his bag and prepared for the long journey back up the stairs out of the earth

As Fliberwitz reached the exit of the cave, the reality of what had just happened began to hit, not only where gods real, but he had just been speaking with one, these myths were real, what else was real? He had many questions, just what was real, was the world as he knew it meaningless? Was everything humanity has focused on and held dear nout but a meaningless distraction? But Fliberwitz was exhausted, and with no answers to be found he headed home to a much-needed rest, and to process what he had just learned.

Loki’s kids

The next week seemed to take forever to roll around, Fliberwitz struggled to focus in sessions with his human patients, his mind kept wandering back to that cave, and the god trapped there, in comparison to him, nothing felt real, almost as if Loki and his cave where more real than reality. Saturday finally arrived and as Fliberwitz descended the long stone staircase into the bowls of the earth, the excitement began to stir in his chest, as Loki's screams began to reach his ears, his heart began to beat faster excitement building, and trust in his own sanity returned. With each passing day the previous Saturday had felt less real, like a dream fading from memory, but upon hearing the screams it all came flooding back, and he excitedly hurried down the steps almost slipping a couple of times in his haste, but catching himself before he fell.

As he reached the chamber where Loki lay, Sigyn was just returning with the bowl, she smiled at Fliberwitz as he entered. “Ahh doctor, a welcome breath of fresh air, in this dark dank cave”

“Good day Loki” Fliberwitz replied, “I'm looking forward to hearing more of your story, you were about to tell me about what happened with your children, you mentioned your daughter Hel last time, she rules the underworld, is this correct?”

“Yes she does, although while she was treated with some respect it is her brothers that i sought vengeance for”

“Her brothers? What happened to them?”

“Well i promised you the story last time, their mother was a beautiful giantess named Angrboða, and before you ask our dating customs aren't quite as prudish as you humans weird jealous loving thing,” he says as Sigyn nods her head

We had been seeing each other for a while, before she gave birth to triplets three beautiful children, that the aesir believed to be monsters, Hel, whom i have already mentioned, she was born half dead, straight down the middle, one side beautiful and alive, the other skeletal. Her brothers where Jormungandr and Fenrir. Fenrir is a wolf and Jormungandr a serpent, both were large for their age, and only got bigger. But such large powerful creatures scared those cowardly fools, so Jormungandr they tossed into the sea, and he now encircles all of Midgard. Fenrir at Tyr’s insistence was permitted to stay in Asgard for a while, but as the gods watched him grow they became ever more afraid. So they decided to chain him up, but he was strong, stronger than any chain, so when he broke their strongest chain like it was paper, it sealed his fate. They were terrified.

In their fear, they went to the dwarves loathsome little creatures, but useful, they are the greatest craftsman in the nine realms. Chains would not be enough to seal my son, so they created a magic ribbon, a damned ribbon of all things! They took all sorts of things, like the sound of a cat’s footsteps, woman’s beard’s and the roots of a mountain to make the *ugh* ribbon, this is why you no longer see these things in the mortal world.

So naturally my son was wary of the gods when they approached him with a ribbon, but after some goading, he agreed to let them tie him, but as he didn’t trust them, he demanded that a god put their hand in his mouth as insurance to make sure they untied him. Tyr the god who vouched for Fenrir to stay in Asgard, and who played with him, fed him and generally treated him well, offered his hand as collateral. This set Fenrir at ease, after all he didn’t want to believe that Tyr would try and trick him, but sadly Fenrir was young and naive, none of the gods can be trusted, especially Odin. So they bound Fenrir, and even his incredible strength was not enough to break the magical binding. Upon admitting defeat and asking to be released the gods began to laugh and torment my poor son, unable to defend himself or leave he bit down removing Tyr's hand, hurt beyond measure by Tyrs betrayal.

After the gods had had their fun mocking Fenrir they sealed him away under the earth, as i’m sure you can tell they seem to have a bit of a fetish for it” Loki says as he gestures as best he can to the cave around him.

Fliberwitz was left flabbergasted, the gods have generally been portrayed as wise and kind, but in reality, it was starting to sound that they were no better than humans, potentially worse. Fliberwitz’s heart sank, the hope he had found and built up over the week had just been smashed, the gods where not beings to be worshipped and loved, but now the picture was forming of tyrannical beings to be obeyed without question or face a fate worse than death, and even if you obeyed, they may well do it anyway if they perceived you as a threat. This shook Fliberwitz to the core, could everything we know be wrong? There were so many questions Fliberwitz wanted to ask, but to indulge his curiosity would bring the focus back to Loki's bitterness and hatred, a state of mind he needed to move Loki away from, so his curiosity he had to set aside, but he was a professional, the clients mental health comes first. The cave had gone silent, except from the slow dripping of the venom, their timer for their session, dripping away. Fliberwitz felt the need to say something, to break the silence “did you get to spend much time with your children before they were taken?”

“No, i had to leave to go run some trivial errands for Odin shortly after they were born, in hindsight, it was probably just to get me out of the way so they could take them” Loki sighed

“That’s tragic, the gods sound like greater monsters than your children could ever be!” exclaimed Fliberwitz The silence returned, “they are the greatest monsters in the nine realms” claimed Loki, punctuated by a loud scream as the bowl began to overflow once more, marking the end of the session. “That is not even the worst that they have done to my children, but that is a story for another time, goodbye Mr Fliberwitz”

Fliberwitz began the long slow ascent, his head spinning, once again his conversation with the god of mischief had left him with more questions than answers, and his entire world view shattered, now he felt a great pain to the core of his very being as the world he believed he knew crumbled around him.

The next week was even slower, it felt like the gods where slowing time to torment him like they torment Loki, how could the gods use such trickery, what of the honour that was always associated with them? Where they really as bad as Loki made out? But he couldn't openly interrogate his client, that was incredibly unprofessional, so his personal opinion would have to wait, he had to set himself aside, and keep his role as a professional therapist. If he didnt, then he would likely lose his mind, although that was looking likely either way.

The party

Fliberwitz once more found himself going through the small cavern opening down the stairs, lost fantasising about what he was about to discover what he would learn about the imprisoned god this week, as he approached the bottom of the passage, he noticed a distinct lack of screaming, which was his normal welcome. Upon stepping into the main chamber he was greeted by “your late Mr Fliberwitz” Fliberwitz looked at his watch, he was half an hour late, a large portion of their session was already gone.

“I’m sorry Loki, traffic was awful this evening” he lied, “shall we get on with it? I believe you were about to tell me about what happened to your other children.”

“To tell that story requires another one first, and thankfully that story is quite short, largely as I was quite drunk, so my memory is foggy. The gods were having a feast, and they had the gall not to invite me, so after a few drinks by myself I thought the best idea was to go and confront Odin, we were sworn brothers, he made an oath not to attend a feast unless I too was invited. This feast was a big one, Thor had gone to a lot of effort to secure a large kettle for aegir to brew mead fit for the gods in, and once the mead was ready the feast was prepared, it was grand in scale, one of the greatest feasts I've ever seen, and that made me feel all the more insulted that they hadn’t invited me, after all, what kind of grand feast would it be without my ingenious brand of comedy?

So I entered the hall, and confronted the gods. I will admit in my drunken haze this may not of been my wisest decision, but i couldn’t let this insult go ignored, there was no seat saved for me, nor a horn nor plate for me, odin had broken his oath, and showed no remorse in doing so. In my stupor i began to lash out in the way i best know how, i insulted each and everyone of them, bringing many of them to tears, although after Baldur's recent death the gods were weak of will and filled with sorrow, making them easier targets than they had ever been, and in my drunken state i ripped in to each of them as deeply as i could, every ounce of betrayal and spite that i felt channelled, every wrong that was done to me manifested in insults, it wasn’t long until Frigga said, “Oh, if my son Baldur were only here, he would silence thy wicked tongue!” and at this point a grin grew on my face, i turned and admitted what i had done to Hodr and Baldur, the moment the words had left my lips i realised my mistake, and i fled as fast as I could, barely missing lightning from the raging thor, whos thunder shook the halls.” “Wow, i can understand your sense of betrayal, it must have been painful, but you did kill baldur, and you know yourself the pain of something terrible happening to your children, what did you think would happen once they found out?” Fliberwitz asked nervously, after all he was now questioning a god, this was not what he was used to.

“I guess i wasn't thinking, i just wanted to hurt them, however i think Odin already suspected the truth, knowing him it was probably an elaborate set up to trick me into doing what i did, or at least into acting in a manner that they could reasonably disown me for, after all thor was particularly fast to act, and that oaf is not normally the quickest. But i guess i really messed up there” Loki sighed, Fliberwitz breathed a sigh of relief, he had just questioned a god like he would a normal patient, and it had been okay. But before he could begin to ask any follow-up questions the venom began to trickle down the bowl, and with the agonised scream, their session came to an end for this week and Fliberwitz began the long ascent once more. This time he berated himself on the way up for allowing himself to lose track of time and miss such a large portion of his appointment, if he had been on time he would of been able to get deeper to the route of Loki’s issues, but he could feel proud he had made progress.

The punishment

It had been almost a month since Fliberwitz had first met the chained god, he was finding himself now far more confident in dealing with his patients, he had grown a lot through talking with a god, and he hoped the god had too.

Saturday once more came around and he returned to the cave, this time ensuring to arrive on time, and make his way swiftly down the long damp stone steps, deep into the bowels of the earth. He entered the chamber just as the usual screams came to an end. “Good afternoon doctor, it’s good to see your on time for a change”

“You know your snide remarks are a large part of what brought you here don’t you Loki?”

“What do you know? Only what little i’ve told you, you don’t know the pain i suffer every day, nor do you know what i’ve been through, the confusion, the way i’ve been treated, the uncertainty, the mistrust. You know nothing” Loki snapped struggling against his chains

“Your right Loki, i don’t know how can i, i only know what you tell me, that's why im here, to help you talk through things. To share your pain, and to help make sense of what confuses you,so help me understand.” There was only silence, Loki looked away from his therapist to hide his shame. “Or if you feel more comfortable you can continue your story?”Fliberwitz enquired “ i believe you were going to tell me what happened after the feast, and what happened to your other children. Where those other children with sigyn here?”

Loki sighed “yes they were, i loved those kids, but their part in my tragic tale isn’t quite yet. I didn't think that they would do anything to them, how wrong i was.

So after i escaped from the feast, i found myself a nice mountain to hide on, i lived in a hut with four doors so i could always see in every direction, and escape no matter what direction they came from. From there i would spend most days as a fish in a river, so that they couldn’t tell me from the other fish, and spent a few days working out how they could possibly catch me, i even wove the first net, to try to think up a way to escape it should the gods manage to create one. This it turns out was my undoing, just as i finished the net, thor, mimir and couple of other gods came, so i tossed the net on the fire and fled to the stream and disguised myself as a salmon. Unfortunately, the net hadn’t fully burnt by the time they arrived, and Mimir was able to reconstruct it, and used it against me, i tried to escape, but they were relentless and before long i was caught. They brought me to this cave”

“Wait so what happened to your sons?” if you're at the cave in your story but your children still haven’t been mentioned?” asked Fliberwitz

“I will get to them soon” assured Loki “ as they were waiting in this very room with Sigyn as the gods dragged me down, upon seeing my family dread filled my entire being, it was one thing to condemn me for my actions, but to condemn my family like they did, they truly are the monsters.” a tear rolled down Loki’s cheek, he turned away to try to hide it. “First thor grabbed me and held me in place forcing me to watch what happened next. They used ancient magics to turn my beloved Narfi into a wolf and forced Sigyn and I to watch as he tore his brother Nari apart.” “That’s evil!” exclaimed Fliberwitz “how could they do such a thing?”

“It gets worse, they used Nari’s entrails to bind me to these rocks, and Skadi placed that serpent to drip its venom into my face for as long as i’m bound here. Then they used more magic to keep the snake in place and to turn the entrails to chain, and here i have been for millennia, trapped bound with the guts of my own son, with serpent venom dripping on my face, while my beloved wife is forced to stand silently and collect the venom in a bowl, that is the kindness of the gods, to condemn her to this life, so i have a short while where i am not in excruciating pain”

“Wow i honestly don't know what to say! The way they treated you was truly brutal. Thank you for sharing your story, confronting such painful memories can’t of been easy” Fliberwitz said as the venom reached the brim of the bowl, and began to trickle down once more.

“It looks like our session is about over, thank you Doctor Fliberwitz, i will see you soon”

“Goodbye Loki, thank you once again for your story” Fliberwitz began to leave as he left he thought he heard Loki say something, but as he turned to look back, the screaming began.

He began to make the long journey back up out of the earth his head was spinning, where the gods really such cruel villainous entities? Was Loki just a poor being lashing out after being treated unjustly for longer than humanity has existed? He felt sick at the idea, the further he got up the stairs the more he thought about it and the worse he felt, his palms started becoming sweaty, his heart was racing, his head was pounding. As he approached the exit, a wave of nausea hit. He felt his lunch come up, the world was spinning he tried to use the wall to help him make it the last few steps, which were already dangerously slippery without the vomit. As his foot hit the step, another wave of nausea hit, stronger than he had ever felt. With a short scream, he slipped and fell, the scream was short-lived, as his head cracked on a step, but momentum kept his body going, all the way to the bottom, to the chamber where Loki lay bound.

Loki smiled, his plan for vengeance against the gods could begin, his body may be chained but his mind was not, and now he had the perfect puppet.

#creative writing #loki #norse myths #myths and legends #neil gaiman #fiction #new writers on tumblr #therapy

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so-bad-its-good · 7 years

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Fateful Findings (2007)

NEIL BREEN

Watching a Neil Breen movie is like helplessly watching a train crash and then burst into flames, and then hearing a bunch of people unconvincingly scream in agony. Neil Breen is a former real-estate agent and architect, who is now a filmmaker. He is known for editing, writing, directing and starring in his self-produced films, notable ones being I am Here …. Now, Double Down and the film in question: Fateful Findings. Fateful Findings is considered a cult film and, like all of Neil Breen’s films, is infamous for being completely terrible. I don’t mean just plain bad, I mean so spectacularly and hilariously bad that people are reluctant to believe that he is serious. Bad movies gain mass followings because they are both amusing and extremely sincere. It is somehow charming when a film tries so hard, yet still fails in every way, and Neil Breen’s third movie Fateful Findings is a perfect example of this.

BRIEF SUMMARY

Potential viewer be warned: 7 people commit suicide and 2 are murdered in this film. It all begins when Dylan and Leah, two nine year olds who are best friends, discover a magical mushroom that turns into a magical box containing a magical black stone. When Leah’s family moves away, Dylan vows to always carry the stone as a reminder of their “magical day”. Flash forward and Dylan (Neil Breen) is in his 40s, a successful author, and unhappily married to Emily (Klara Landrat). When Dylan is hit by a car and comatose, he is mysteriously saved by his magic stone - which he seriously still carries after 32 years. Dylan’s recovery from his coma is miraculously quick, but he begins experiencing pain and strange dreams as a result of his head injury. This prompts his decision to no longer work on his second book, but to instead hack the government in an attempt to expose their secrets and lies to the public - because that’s the obvious thing for a man with no apparent computer knowledge to do. Throughout the film, Dylan talks to therapists, throws some get togethers and ceaselessly abuses his five laptops during fits of pain and rage. And then there are Dylan and Emily’s friends: another unhappily married couple consisting of Amy (Victoria Viveiros) and Jim (David Silva). Jim is an alcoholic who loves his sports car, and Amy is a banker with fake breasts who no longer wants to be intimate with her husband. Jim’s teenage daughter Aly (Danielle Andrade) just won’t stop propositioning Dylan, despite his being more than twice her age and distinctly unattractive. Later, Aly witnesses Amy accidentally shooting Jim directly in the chest, though she was only trying to shoot his car, which was at least a meter away from him, but this doesn’t really matter since Jim’s death in no way affects the following events in the film. The story moves somewhere completely different when Dylan reconnects with his childhood love, Leah (Jennifer Autry). They both admit to thinking about each other every day since they were nine - which is quite odd - and fall back in love. This would be a problem seeing as Dylan is married and Leah is engaged, but no need to worry, Emily promptly overdoses on painkillers and Leah leaves her fiance. Dylan and Leah reminisce about their childhood - something they are clearly unhealthily longing for - and revisit the magical box. Next, because clearly there isn’t enough happening, Leah gets kidnapped and Dylan saves her by using his magical ability of dematerializing. The film comes to a close with Dylan exposing the government and corporations, and all of the people he exposes subsequently killing themselves in a variety of brutal ways. The audience is left with a feeling of what-the-hell-did-I-just-watch and the command to: “Act now. It’s our only hope for the future.”

PLOT

It would be a stretch to say that this movie has one clear plot. It is half scenes from a low-budget 90s porno and half scenes from a twelve year old’s sci-fi fan fiction. The beginning leads us to expect that this will be some children’s film about a magical box. Once we flash forward to present day, we realize that this is a sci-fi disaster that we are about to observe. Honestly, the running plot of Dylan’s magical stone and powers is unnecessary and confusing. Other than being a feeble attempt to make this film interesting, this plot line might serve the purpose of making Dylan super-human, or perhaps it exists to ensure that Dylan and Leah shared something unique that would help them reconnect later in the film. No matter the reasoning, this plot has absolutely nothing to do with the message of the film. As the movie progresses there are aspects of this plotline that we expect to be explained later on, but of course they never are.

Also, there’s the seemingly unnecessary plot line involving family friends Jim and Amy. It is emphasized that Jim is an alcoholic and his way-too-attractive-for-him wife is fed up with him, resulting in her throwing various things at him throughout the film (a pillow, a roll of paper towel, a drink, and a glass). Oh yeah, and she eventually shoots him. When Jim dies, it seems like the audience is supposed to feel sad, but none of Dylan and Jim’s supposed meaningful friendship has been shown to us and Neil Breen’s acting certainly doesn’t help to evoke sadness. I don’t think this plot contributes to the overall message of the film, unless of course I’m overthinking this and the central theme is death - there is a plethora of that.

Dylan and Emily also have a failing marriage, and she is addicted to drugs. She eventually kills herself while Dylan is off reminiscing with Leah and awkwardly closed-mouth kissing her. When Dylan discovers his wife has committed suicide, he is only briefly fazed, then replaces her with Leah. This begs the question of whether Emily’s character was necessary to the plot whatsoever since she’s just thrown aside in a matter of minutes. This part also made the protagonist come off as a pretty terrible person, which is odd since he’s otherwise portrayed as very heroic and in-the-right. Perhaps this was done intentionally to highlight that the protagonist has flaws, or maybe it was because Neil Breen wanted to be naked with and/or closed mouth kissing as many women as possible - who can know?

The plot line that is highlighted the least is the only one relevant to the message. I’m referring to the plot following Dylan’s hacking into the government. This plot is mentioned maybe five times throughout the entire film, yet it is the only thing imperative to the climax and the message. Dylan mentions periodically that he is hacking the government, despite having no explanation for his hacking abilities, to expose “national and international corruption”. This plot leads to the climax of the film, when corporate and government officials kill themselves after Dylan exposes their “lying”, “corruption” and “greed”. This part of the film seemed gruesome and had absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the film, but it is made extremely clear what the message of the film is because Dylan flat out tells us in this scene. This plot line seemed meaningful and the message seemed very important to Neil Breen, but it really stuck out among the sea of irrelevant and unnecessary storylines. Having four plots definitely ensures that you never get bored because there’s so much happening, but when a story is this all over the place nothing is really happening.

ACTING

This is a film that not only tests your ability to suspend disbelief because of a convoluted sci-fi plot, but because it seems like the actors are actually actively trying to make you not believe them. This is best demonstrated by Neil Breen, who plays the protagonist, Dylan. At the beginning of the film, you may notice that the actor playing young Dylan is decidedly unimpressive, but to the audience’s dismay, the man playing him all grown up makes that child actor look like an Oscar winner. Neil Breen is so incapable of conveying any emotion, that it’s lucky the script has characters clearly state how they are feeling so they don’t have to be inconvenienced with actually having to act. The only thing that is harder to believe than his terrible acting is that it’s not intentional. Neil Breen showed me that there is something hilarious and disheartening about an actor eating a salad unconvincingly.

As for the supporting cast, I can only think that Neil Breen must cast friends or friends of friends. While I know the script was in no way conducive to good performances, the supporting cast only fed the fire of this trainwreck. Jennifer Autry, who plays Dylan’s love interest Leah gave an underwhelming performance, with unsure deliveries and ill-fitting facial expressions. Not to mention her being cast makes no sense, as she is supposed to be in her mid-40’s and looks like she’s 30. The arguments between Victoria Viveiros and David Silva as Amy and Jim were entirely overacted. Meanwhile, Klara Landrat performed every scene like she was a bored Urban Outfitters employee. Additionally, as Jim and Amy’s daughter, Danielle Andrade’s attempts at being a flirtatious and distressed teen were forced and, quite frankly, embarrassing. The storyline is extremely dramatic, but these actors performances managed to evoke nothing but amusement and disbelief on every level.

CREATIVE ELEMENTS

There were many choices made during the production of this movie that contributed to making this film so ridiculously awful. The music and most of the sets were adequate - that’s the only positive thing I have to say on the subject. The editing was completely disorienting. The cuts at the dinner party, and literally every other time there were multiple people in a scene, made me physically uncomfortable and entirely unable to follow the scene. Then there were the camera angles. We saw everything from shots from the chest down - at least we were spared the actors’ facial expressions - to unironic crash zooms. It all seemed without reason.

Another notable element was the special effects. The sound effects were either too loud or made no sense with the scene, for example when the background noise made it sound like there were twice as many people at Dylan and Emily’s barbecue. The visual effects were even worse. I laughed out loud every time I saw that cartoonish smoke effect blow across the screen, telling us that something magical was about to happen. Another appallingly hilarious moment was when objects were supposed to be mysteriously moving, but we could see the string!

The attempts at symbolism throughout this film are either above the audience’s head or very unclear - I expect the majority of viewers side with the latter. There are the dramatic dream cutaways to Neil Breen naked with Aly, Jim’s teenage daughter, in front of a wall covered in garbage bags, which in no way relates to the plot, but is extremely off-putting to watch. And the most obvious symbolism of Dylan’s two therapists, one of whom he sits across a long table from and one of whom he sits in a small broom closet with. I understand that the first therapist offered him medication and was distant, while the second one knew his secrets and offered him encouragement, but then the second therapist disappears into thin air at the end of the film, and I don’t see the relevance of any of this to the plot. I will give dishonourable mentions to the outdated props and costumes that really reinforced that 90s porno vibe. I don’t know why these decisions were made, but they sure were awful and they sure were funny.

CONCLUSION

I must say that I have the utmost respect for anyone who pursues a creative project. I think that what makes this film almost lovable is that you can feel Neil Breen’s passion throughout the whole thing. While I admire him for his passion, I also blame him for this absolute trainwreck of a film - he is the one to blame because he did almost everything: from casting to special effects makeup, to craft services. I do think that the writing was the downfall of the film, but it was more than bad lines and a lack of clear plot. It was the atrocious acting, the confusing symbolism, and the ineffective editing and directing. Everything from the first second to the six thousandth added up to a truly horrendous film. Fateful Findings failed on almost every level and in no way achieved its purpose of motivating audiences to act against governments and corporations. It was so bad I almost couldn’t believe it: I was cringing and cry laughing at the absurdity of every aspect of this film. Fateful Findings possesses every attribute of a film so laughable that it’s laughable. Is it the poorest excuse for a film I’ve ever seen? Yes, it is. Have I watched it four times in the past month? Yes, I have. To quote the film, “I feel like something’s inside me” and it’s the bad movie bug.

#film #badmovies #film review #review #so bad it's good #funny movies #neil breen #fateful findings #good bad movies

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funface2 · 5 years

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101 Funny Quotes — Hilarious Quotes to Make You Laugh – Parade

Whether it’s a play on words, a funny observation about everyday things or old witty sayings, comedy has a way of making us realize we’re all going through the same stuff in this crazy life. These funny quotes about work, love, friends and family will have you saying, “So true!” because, well, they are. Others will have you remembering hilarious, meme-worthy movie and TV moments.

Take a much-needed break from your day to check out the 101 funniest quotes we found in stand-up comedy, books, plays, celebrity Twitter and interviews, as well as movies and TV shows, guaranteed to give you a quick chuckle.

1. “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” —Mitch Hedberg

2. “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here. This is the war room.” —President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers), Dr. Strangelove

3. “My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.” —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls

4. “Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.” —David Letterman

5. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” —Jack Handey

6. Bob: “Looks like you’ve been missing a lot of work lately.” Peter: “I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, Bob.” —Bob (Paul Wilson) and Peter (Ron Livingston), Office Space

7. “Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” —Mark Twain

8. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell

9. “I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” —Rita Rudner

10. “Ned, I would love to stand here and talk with you—but I’m not going to.” —Phil Connors (Bill Murray), Groundhog Day

11. “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.” —Erma Bombeck

12. “I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller

13. “Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.” —Ellen DeGeneres

14. “Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’” —Anonymous

15. “Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.” —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld

16. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), The Office

17. “I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.” —Anonymous

18. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.” —Rodney Dangerfield

19. “I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.” —Les Dawson

20. “There’s nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can’t prolong.” —Surgeon (Graham Chapman), Monty Python’s Flying Circus

21. “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” —Steven Wright

22. Ted Striker: “Surely you can’t be serious.” Dr. Rumack: “I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley” —Ted Striker (Robert Hays) and Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), Airplane!

23.“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” ―Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

24. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers

25. “Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.” —Lt. Frank Drebin (Leslie Nielsen), Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear

26. “My Mama says that alligators are ornery because they got all them teeth and no toothbrush.” —Bobby Boucher (Adam Sandler), The Waterboy

27. “I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.” —Jimmy Kimmel

28. “Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version of Everybody Loves Raymond, but it doesn’t last 22 minutes. It lasts forever.” —Pete (Paul Rudd), Knocked Up

29. “Being a mom means never buying the right amount of produce. Either everyone suddenly loves grapes and a week’s worth are eaten in one afternoon, or fruit flies are congregating around my rotting bananas.” —Lessons from the Minivan

30. “I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper (Jim Parsons), The Big Bang Theory

31. “There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy.” —Elise (Goldie Hawn), The First Wives Club

32. Usher: “Bride or groom?” Wedding guest: “It should be perfectly obvious I’m neither!” —Four Weddings and a Funeral

33. Stan Fields: “Describe your perfect date.” Cheryl: “That’s a tough one. I’d have to say April 25. Because it’s not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.” —Stan Fields (William Shatner) and Cheryl Frasier (Heather Burns), Miss Congeniality

34. “I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.” —Jerry Seinfeld

35. Lucy: “There’s just two things keeping me from dancing in that show.” Fred: “Your feet?” —Lucy (Lucille Ball) and Fred Mertz (William Frawley), I Love Lucy

36. “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.” —Anonymous

37. Coach: “How’s a beer sound, Norm?” Norm: “I don’t know, I usually finish before they get a word in.” —Coach (Nicholas Colasanto) and Norm (George Wendt), Cheers

38. “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” —Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase), National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

39.“There’s nothing simpler than avoiding people you don’t like. Avoiding one’s friends, that’s the real test.” —Dowager Countess Violet Crawley (Maggie Smith), Downton Abbey

40. “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” —Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

41. “The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” —Clairee Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias

42. “I’m at a place in my life when errands are starting to count as going out.” —Anonymous

43. “A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” —Graham Norton

44. “I’m not good at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?” —Chandler (Matthew Perry), Friends

45. “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” —George Carlin

46. “When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.” —Larry (Larry David), Curb Your Enthusiasm

47. “As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” —Sir Norman Wisdom

48. “That’s why New York is so great, though. Everyone you care about can despise you and you can still find a bagel so good, nothing else matters. Who needs love when you’ve got lox? They both stink, but only one tastes good.” —Midge Maisel (Rachel Brosnahan), The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel

49. “Here’s some advice: At a job interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.” —Adam Gropman

50. “Does it disturb anyone else that ‘The Los Angeles Angels’ baseball team translates directly to ‘The The Angels Angels’?” —Neil DeGrasse Tyson

51. “I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.” —Groucho Marx

52. “Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?” —Jay Leno

53. “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” —Steve Martin

54. “My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” —Dave Barry

55. “Never do anything out of hunger. Not even eating.” —Frank Semyon (Vince Vaughn), True Detective

56. “What do you mean, he don’t eat no meat? That’s okay, that’s okay. I make lamb.” —Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin), My Big Fat Greek Wedding

57. “You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” —George Burns

58. “To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!” —Wanda (Jamie Lee Curtis), A Fish Called Wanda

59. “Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?” —Shelley Darlingson (Anna Faris), The House Bunny

60. “Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” —Ellen DeGeneres

61. Francois: “Do you know what kind of a bomb it was?” Clouseau: “The exploding kind.” —Francois (André Maranne) and Inspector Clouseau (Peter Sellers), The Pink Panther Strikes Again

62. “My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.” —Tina Fey, Bossypants

63. “There is one word that describes people that don’t like me: Irrelevant.” —Anonymous

64. “Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” —Robin Williams

65. “I remember it like it was yesterday. Of course, I don’t really remember yesterday all that well.” —Dory (Ellen DeGeneres), Finding Dory

66. “I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.” —Dr. Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ghostbusters

67. Police officer: “Pull over.” Harry: “No, it’s a cardigan. But thanks for noticing.” —Harry Dunne (Jeff Daniels), Dumb and Dumber

68. “I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.” —Bob Hope

69. “If we’re going to pay this much for crab, it better sing and dance and introduce us to the Little Mermaid.” —Claire Foster (Tina Fey), Date Night

70. “I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.” —Anonymous

71. “Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.” —Mark Twain

72. “Woke up today. It was terrible.” —Grumpy Cat

73. “Eggs are fantastic for a fitness diet. If you don’t like the taste, just add cocoa, flour, sugar, butter, baking powder and cook at 350 for 30 minutes.” —Anonymous

74. “I can’t end my messages with Love, Shaq because the B-52s ruined that for me.” —Meme attributed to Shaquille O’Neal

75. “My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.” —Halley Reed (Mia Farrow), Crimes and Misdemeanors

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76. “Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck

77. “Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.” —Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant), Arsenic and Old Lace

78. Brian: “Look, you’ve got it all wrong. You don’t need to follow me. You don’t need to follow anybody. You’ve got to think for yourselves. You’re all individuals.” Crowd: “Yes, we’re all individuals!” Individual: “I’m not!” —Brian (Graham Chapman) and cast, Monty Python’s Life of Brian

79. “Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?” —Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Bridesmaids

80. “Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.” —Oscar Wilde

81. “What they could do to make it easier is combine the two, real estate and obituaries: Mr. Klein died today leaving a wife, two children, and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace.” —Harry (Billy Crystal), When Harry Met Sally

82. “The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands. It’s a good non-specific symptom; I’m a big believer in it. A lot of people will tell you that a good phony fever is a dead lock, but you get a nervous mother, you could wind up in a doctor’s office. That’s worse than school. You fake a stomach cramp, and when you’re bent over, moaning and wailing, you lick your palms. It’s a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.” —Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick), Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

83. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker), Sex and the City

84: Cal: “You are really pushing my buttons today.” Becky: “Which one is ‘mute’?” —Waitress, the Musical

85. “The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.” —Anonymous

86. “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” —Betty White

87. “My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.” —Maria Bamford

88. “From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.” —Jarod Kintz

89. “Money cannot buy health, but I’d settle for a diamond-studded wheelchair.” —Dorothy Parker

90. “The whole purpose of places like Starbucks is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat. So people who don’t know what they’re doing, or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self.” —Joe Fox (Tom Hanks), You’ve Got Mail

91. “Good parenting means investing in your child’s future, which is why I am saving to buy mine a hoverboard someday.” —Lin-Manuel Miranda

92. “I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.” —Anonymous

93. “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” —Groucho Marx

94. “I’m one stomach flu away from my goal weight.” —Emily Charlton (Emily Blunt), The Devil Wears Prada

95. “My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.” —Shonda Rimes

96. “I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.” —Damien Fahey

97. “Why yes, I can carry on a conversation made up entirely of movie quotes.” —Anonymous

98. “I’m sure wherever my Dad is, he’s looking down on us. He’s not dead, just very condescending.” —Jack Whitehall

99. “I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” —Noel Coward

100. “Trying is the first step toward failure.” —Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

101. “I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” —Zach Galifianakis

Want more great quotes? Check out… 50 Thinking of You Quotes 150 Good Morning Quotes 100 Wedding and Marriage Quotes 50 Friday Quotes 50 Monday Motivation Quotes

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writingguide003-blog · 5 years

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Follow these 23 comedians and writers to survive the Trump era

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/follow-these-23-comedians-and-writers-to-survive-the-trump-era/

Follow these 23 comedians and writers to survive the Trump era

Lindy West (left), Van Jones (center), Paul Krugman (right)

Image: Evan agostini/rainmaker photo/paul vallejos/ap

We’re sorry America, but for many of you, your deepest, darkest nightmare has finally come true: the questionably coherent reality television star of white nationalist dreams has officially become leader of the free world. Donald Trump is president.

It’s been less than a month since Trump won the election, and Americans everywhere are looking for signs of hope and reassurance. Sure, there’s no data to support a theory of hope (just spend a nanosecond on Trump’s Twitter, before closing your eyes very tight). But there are writers and comedians on Twitter who can provide something close to it, and remind you that there are other caring, reasonable people out there sort of like you.

SEE ALSO: Everyday household objects more qualified for public office than Trump’s cabinet

Below is a list of people to follow on various social platforms who can help you survive the next four years.

If just want someone to tell you it’s going to be OK (without lying)

1. Van Jones

Van Jones might be best known as the astute CNN commentator who popularized the term whitelash, but in recent weeks the pundit has unofficially become the nation’s de facto therapist. His most recent three-part video series interviewing Trump supporters made reaching across the aisle seem actually plausible, and he was one of the few liberal pundits to successfully predict Trump’s rise.

If you need to be reminded you that there are still rational, compassionate, not-Steve Bannon conservatives out there

2. Evan McMullin

McMullin, the former House GOP policy director who ran against Trump in the 2016 election, has been loudly denouncing the PEOTUS for embracing his party’s extremist white nationalist fringe.

Remaining silent now is allowing the Party of Abraham Lincoln to drift towards the Party of David Duke. https://t.co/JGEllCQZ3Q

Evan McMullin (@Evan_McMullin) November 23, 2016

3. Ana Navarro

Navarro, a conservative and CNN contributor, has been lashing out at her party for the past year, inspiring some of the best GIFS and tweets of this election, or any election, ever.

This @ananavarro speech could be the best single moment in the campaign pic.twitter.com/6zVBwbquXH

Seth Abramovitch (@SethAbramovitch) October 8, 2016

4. David Frum

Frum, senior editor at The Atlantic, is a moderate neoconservative who is so eminently rational and clever it almost makes neoconservatism seem cool?

If flag-burning merits loss of citizenship, what should be the penalty for a Nazi salute by a Trump supporter?

David Frum (@davidfrum) November 29, 2016

If you need to know that there’s still love in this world

5. DeRay McKesson

DeRay, a leading activist in the Black Lives Matter movement, produces a Twitter feed that is simultaneously full of grief, critique, and meaningful calls to action. He’s best known for tweeting “I love my blackness, and yours,” but there’s so much more like it.

Sleep well, y’all. Remember to dream.

deray mckesson (@deray) December 1, 2016

If you want to know if you’ll still have a job in four years

6. Paul Krugman

The New York Times columnist, economist and on-the-nose curmudgeon carefully and methodically debunks each one of Trump’s obscene assertions about the economy with get ready for it actual facts.

Another metric: Trump would have to do one Carrier-sized deal a week for 30 years to save as many jobs as Obama’s auto bailout

Paul Krugman (@paulkrugman) November 30, 2016

If you want to take down Trump and build a brand-new beautiful world (or something)

7. Rebecca Solnit

The author best known for Men Explain Things to Me (think: mansplaining) doesn’t have a Twitter account but does have an active Facebook following, where she shares calls to action and deeply empathetic essays that remind you why you want to make those calls in the first place.

8. Representative Keith Ellison

The progressive Congressman is gunning to become the next head of the DNC. Anyone who’s anyone (dorks) are watching Ellison to see what kind of vision he has planned for the party.

My plan for the DNC:https://t.co/stLKdNIOIA

Rep. Keith Ellison (@keithellison) December 1, 2016

If you want to spend the next four years laughing in a subtle-yet-depressed way

9. OhNoSheTwitnt

The comedian who delivered some excellent masturbation jokes in the pre-Trump era has now dedicated herself full-time to witnessing the (potential impending) apocalypse around us so we don’t have to.

Hopefully Trump won’t accept the results of the election if he wins.

(((OhNoSheTwitnt))) (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 9, 2016

10. Maura Quint

Her feed isn’t all Trump (thank God) but when she goes there, she doesn’t let go.

I’d rather see someone burn the flag in an act of protest than wear it to the beach over their crotch thinking that was an act of respect

maura quint (@behindyourback) November 30, 2016

11. Kumail Nanjiani

The actor and comedian from Silicon Valley and Portlandia carefully balances despair with more despair.

This is the first time in our lives that fighting Nazis doesn’t require a time machine.

Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) November 22, 2016

12. Dave Itzkoff

Of course, the world is imploding around you but you’re not the only one who sees it. Itzkoff, and this Kermit GIF, does too.

Mr. Trump, acts of hate are being committed in your name around the country! TRUMP: … They might recount an election you won” TRUMP: pic.twitter.com/3yqluEJFqU

Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) November 27, 2016

If you just really need someone to cut through the bullshit. All of it.

13. Joy Reid

Say what you will about MSNBC, but commentator Joy Reid has committed her Twitter feed/full life to exposing each and every one of Trump’s lies, hypocrisies, and wild allegations. Nothing seems to pass by her. (Truly nothing. She’s on Twitter a lot).

Trump claims the world will “respect us again” despite the fact that under Obama respect for the U.S. is high while the world loathes Trump.

Joy Reid (@JoyAnnReid) December 2, 2016

14. Jon Favreau

Favreau was Obama’s chief speechwriter from 2005 to 2013 and is now host of the podcast “Keepin’ it 1600.” Don’t believe that tiny bit of good news about Trump that the rest of the world has on blast? He doesn’t either.

The most bizarre part about “nasty woman” is that it came during an answer about the Social Security Trust Fund.

Jon Favreau (@jonfavs) October 20, 2016

15. Julia Ioffe

Columnist and Politico writer Julia Ioffe will, thankfully, never force you to find the silver lining.

IDEA: What if you could strip someone of their citizenship for their tweets?

Julia Ioffe (@juliaioffe) November 30, 2016

If you’re a teensy weensy bit concerned that our planet is on its way to hell

16. Neil deGrasse Tyson

The celebrity astrophysicist (who ever thought there would be such a thing?) has more than 6 million followers and is the voice of reason in a world of climate change deniers.

#IDreamOfAWorld where Politicians are scientifically literate, empowering them to make informed decisions that affect us all.

Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) November 27, 2016

If you lack the words to describe what you’re feeling right now

17. Merriam-Webster

Sure, it’s a dictionary. But language is inherently political, and the mysterious talented ghost who runs Merriam Webster‘s Twitter right now has done some of the best subtweeting of the election season.

‘Fascism’ is still our #1 lookup.

# of lookups = how we choose our Word of the Year.

There’s still time to look something else up.

Merriam-Webster (@MerriamWebster) November 29, 2016

If you want to know if what Trump is doing is legal (it’s probably not)

18. Laurence Tribe

The liberal scholar and constitutional law professor at Harvard who has argued before the Supreme Court dozens of time should be far more popular than Alan Dershowitz, but sadly isn’t.

Sad lesson: Trump knows how to use optics to create counterproductive illusions; Obama assumed reality counts more than image https://t.co/rR1hHsNIYC

Laurence Tribe (@tribelaw) December 1, 2016

If you’re in that “angry caps lock tweetstorm” kind of mood

19. Judd Legum

Legum, an editor at Think Progress and master tweeter, has crafted some fine tweetstorms (and real pieces of journalism, blablabla) that can fulfill all your primitive, rage-tweeting desires.

3. But Trump has skills. His biggest skill is PROJECTING AN IMAGE OF SUCCESS, whatever the reality

Judd Legum (@JuddLegum) December 1, 2016

If you just want to check in and make sure feminism is still alive

20. Lindy West

West, the hilarious Guardian columnist best known for her relationships with trolls, will remind you that, no, feminism isn’t dead, it’s just really sad right now and needs some space, okay?

anyone else having this problem where you can’t watch children’s media about girls being bold & fearless & having hope w/o sobbing like baby

Lindy West (@thelindywest) November 29, 2016

21. Brittney Cooper

Brittney Cooper, founder of the Crunk Feminist Collective, might not be the most active tweeter, but every story she writes and collective post she shares is worth your full attention.

I know most of you don’t have words. I don’t either. But I found a few for this hard day. https://t.co/2nX9Y9lSoj

Brittney Cooper (@ProfessorCrunk) November 9, 2016

22. Roxane Gay

If you don’t know about Roxane Gay, now you do. Gay, author of Bad Feminist and a sometimes columnist for The New York Times, dissects human emotions like no one else.

Anyway here is the segment. https://t.co/LXkvJK8LQY

roxane gay (@rgay) November 23, 2016

If humans are being too horrible right now and the only thing that can give you peace is a barnyard animal

23. Goats of Anarchy

This goat is just like you a sad, frightened creature who only feels happy in a duck costume. Get a goat costume, or better yet, get this Instagram account.

Today, Polly and her duck suit captured the attention of media outlets all over the world. You may have seen her story… it’s been everywhere! In light of that, I thought I would bring back her duck videos that we took while visiting @tractorsupply. Is there no duck emoji?

A video posted by Goats of Anarchy (@goatsofanarchy) on Nov 25, 2016 at 5:15pm PST

RELATED: These are the most shocking quotes to come out of Trump’s 60 Minutes interview