#natasha romanoff x maria hiill

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Dirty Thoughts

Summary: It was so wrong to have these thoughts. She was engaged to your boss, your best friend but it was impossible to not fall in love with her.

Relationships: Natasha x Maria, Maria x reader

Warnings: non Avenger AU, Gang AU, cheating, lots of cheating, mention of violence, implied torture, implied sexual content, gun shot wound, blood, angst

Word Count: 3.3k

Note: I do not want to talk about how this one shot made me spiral into possibility writing a multiple part story. If you are interested let me know lol. Also, thank you to @sycamorelibrary754 for helping me with the engagement ring

God, you were so fucked. Absolutely 100% fucked. You stood at the party, hand wrapped around the beer you were drinking. At a party, your job was to be alert and look for possible threats. Tonight was different. Tonight was a party for celebration as the head of the Black Widow gang was engaged to her long-time girlfriend, Maria Hill. You were in charge of Natasha's security, so the redhead placed you in charge of Maria's protection. You grew close to her, learning her every secret, dislike, and like. You knew her coffee order, what ice cream to get when she was on her period, and her favorite movie to put on to make her smile. You loved your job. Natasha took a chance on you and saved your life, which makes your current predicament so much worse.

No one knew you were head over heels in love with Maria Hill. No one could ever know. "I'm pretty sure Nat gave everyone the night off." You were so lost in your thoughts that you were surprised by Maria standing before you. "I think I saw Pietro doing a keg stand." You chuckled and sipped your beer.

"I'm always on the clock, sweetheart. Got to keep the crown jewel of the Black Widows safe." Maria rolled her eyes, but you didn't miss the slight blush on her cheeks. "Congratulations, by the way. That's an impressive rock." The ring was gold with a square-cut diamond. Along the band and the main diamond were smaller jewels. It looked expensive, but that was Natasha. She liked expensive things, from clothes to cars to liquor. Before Maria, the redhead was always at the clubs throwing money at women left and right. She looked at her hand.

"A little too flashy for my taste," you knew that too. She wanted something modest. "But Nat likes to claim what's hers." You hated how your stomach burned with jealousy.

"Oh, I know that. Besides, Romanoff has enough money lying around. She should spend it on something," you smiled. "Hey, maybe you can convince her to take us on vacation. I heard the Maldives are beautiful this time of year." A quick smack to the back of your head caused you to jump. Maria laughed as Natasha rounded from behind and wrapped her arms around Maria's waist.

"Are you saying I don't treat you well?" She smirked.

"You treat us like shit, boss," you deadpanned. "I hate it here." You winked at Maria. Her smile caused your heart to skip a beat. Natasha scuffed, placing her chin on Maria's shoulder.

"You know I saved your life. I could have left you on the streets of New York, but out of the kindness of my heart, I gave you a job." You rolled your eyes.

"And here I thought you liked me for my charming personality and good looks," you smirked. She narrowed her eyes at you, pointing at you over Maria.

"I'm going to kick your ass, Sentinel,"

"Darling," Maria placed her on Natasha's chest. "You know she could kick your ass." You had to hide your smirk behind your drink.

"Unbelievable," Natasha mumbled.

"Go go have a good night, you lovebirds," you said. "You know where to find me if you need me." You held out your hand for Natasha. "Congratulations. I'm happy for you." And you were. No matter how much it hurt for Natasha to be marrying Maria, you would always be happy for her. At least Maria would still be in your life. Instead of shaking your hand, your boss pulled you into a hug.

"Enjoy yourself tonight. I heard a certain captain wanted your attention," you chuckled, but you looked at Maria, who was frowning. Thinking she was angry at you for hugging Natasha, you patted her back and ended the hug.

"Use protection," you told them as Natasha grabbed Maria's hand and returned to the party. Natasha still managed to flip you off. All members of the Black Widow crew were given code names. Carol was Captain Marvel. Peggy was Agent 13. Monica was Photon. You were Sentinel, the vigilant guardian who watched over the gang's safety. It was Maria who gave it to you.

It was late one night, and you were new to protecting Maria. Before she started Natasha, Maria was studying to get into the academy. She spent a lot of her time at the library, so in turn, you spent a lot of time there as well. When you were walking back to the car, two street thugs tried and failed to jump her. You were quick to take them down before they could even touch her. Sentinel was a name everyone called you, and it became a name that was feared on the streets.

The same night you saved her, you realized that your thoughts and feelings towards Maria were not platonic. Everything Maria and Natasha had you wanted. Now the ring on her finger solidified she could never be yours.

*

"Can you pick Maria up from her father's?" Natasha asked you. "I have a meeting with the Maximoff Twins, and I can't get out of it." You frowned. A part of your job was to know the schedules of Natasha and Maria. There was no meeting with the Maximoffs today; you knew that. Instead, Natasha and Maria had a date planned. Nothing was set in stone in this business. The redhead rolled her sleeves and picked up a knife from the table.

"Yeah, I can do that," you put on a pair of latex gloves. "Do you want me to take her back to the house?" She handed you a knife.

"It's up to her. Take the card and get whatever she wants." She rolled her shoulders and faced the man tied to the chair in the center of the room. "Ready, Sentinel?"

"Always boss."

*

Once you were changed and out of the blood-stained shirt, you made your way to Maria. You relieved the lower-level member and walked up the house's front steps. Before you knocked, the door swung open. "Fury," you smiled at the man. "How's my favorite beat cop?" He frowned.

"You smell of bleach." He deadpanned.

"Just a new perfume I'm trying out," you squeezed past him, and you heard the door close. Nick Fury, the commissioner of the NYPD, was surprised when Natasha started dating his daughter, but she did everything for a reason. At first, it was a tactical relationship, a way to bend the relationship between the NYPD and the Black Widows. Over time, Natasha fell in love with Maria.

You found Maria in the kitchen, her back to you as she washed the dishes. "Who would have thought an engagement would turn you into a housewife?" She jumped and dropped the plate into the water. A frown was on her face when she turned around to face you. "Awe, are you not excited to see your favorite bodyguard?"

"No, I am," she sighed and focused on her task.

"I know," Natasha was canceling more and more dates and getting stuck at the office. It was the summer, so there were more things to do. The days were longer, and arrival gangs were out to steal the Black Widow's turf. "But," you leaned against the counter with Natasha's credit card between your fingers. "The boss gave me her card. We could do anything on her dime." Maria stayed quiet. "Or we can return to the house, order takeout, and watch the Breakfast Club." A smile tugged at the corner of her lips. "Come on, Ria," you whined. "You know I hate seeing you sad." It was true. It tugged at your heartstrings, and you would do anything to make her smile.

"Help me with the dishes, and then we'll go to the bookstore and get Tai food." You smiled.

"Aye, aye, captain," you gave her a salute, and her laughter danced off the kitchen's walls. Her laughter was music to your ears. It was beautiful, so full of light. You would do anything to hear it again and again.

*

In hindsight, you should have knocked, but you were so focused on the phone call that you walked into Natasha's office. It was late, and Monica's frantic phone call woke you up, and you raced to see Natasha. Red room guys were seen gathering weapons at the dock. They were planning an attack. "I just got here," you told Monica. "Don't engage without us," you opened the office door. "I- Jesus Christ," if it weren't for the phone call, you would have said a lot more. "Nothing, I'll call you back." You hung up.

Maybe you should have knocked. Perhaps you would have heard the moans behind the closed door if you weren't on the phone. The moans were not coming from Maria but from Wanda Maximoff. She was topless, lying on top of Natasha's desk with the redhead between her legs. Your jaw clenched as Natasha rushed to pull away from her and throw her a sweatshirt.

"It's not-"

"Save it," you snapped. Oh, you were seething. All you saw was red. She was engaged. Maria was planning a wedding. You wanted to push her up against the wall and tell her off. "We have an actual problem, but please, if you think this little affair is more important, please continue." Natasha ran her fingers through her hair. You ignored Wanda as she stood up from the desk.

"What is it? Is it Maria?" She had to be fucking with you. Even across the room, you could see the hickys covering Natasha's neck. You laughed. You were so close to snapping.

"Oh, so you remember her name? Your fiance," you shook your head. No, she's safe. The Red Room was spotted on the docks gathering weapons. Monica said she tried to call you but couldn't reach you." Now you looked at Wanda. "I guess you had your hands full." You were furious not only with your friend but also with yourself. How did you not notice this? All of the signs were there. Are you coming or not?"

"Sentinel-"

"I don't want to hear it, Romanoff. People's lives are at stake. People you promised to protect. Are you coming?" Natasha nodded, but you refused to look away. She kissed Wanda goodbye and told her that she would call her later. Unbelievable, you thought. Oh, you were going to kill your best friend.

*

The rest of the crew knew there was a problem between you and Natasha. You were still a professional and did your job, but that was it. Gone was the friendly banter, the inside jokes. All of it changed overnight.

Loyalty was important to you. It was important for the crew to maintain respect, but Natasha broke that with you. Before joining the Black Widows, you were fucked over by the last crew you worked with. They ignored your warnings about an upcoming job. They promised that whatever would happen, they would have your back. But the job fell through, and they left you. Natasha found you before the cops showed up. You were forever grateful for the redhead and knew you would stay loyal to her because of what she did for you.

Now she was using that loyalty over your head to keep her secret, to help cover for her. She kept saying that you were loyal to her, not Maria. She saved your life, not Maria. She was your boss, not Maria. It was killing you.

Every date Natasha missed. Every time she stayed late at the office, you saw Maria lose herself more each time. Adding to the pressure of the Red Room, you were at your wits end. So you quit. You told Natasha you were done.

You were in your room packing up your stuff while nursing a gunshot wound to your stomach. A simple meeting turned into a shoot-out as Red Room goons surprised you. Lately, it seemed Natasha kept making bad calls after bad calls. Last week, Carol got hurt. Two days ago, Peggy got jumped. Now, you were on the receiving end of it. These girls were your family, but you weren't sure what to do. The Red Room was gaining momentum. You heard whispers of HYDRA gaining territory. An all-out war was growing.

"I can't believe you are leaving," Maria's voice followed the sound of your front door slamming shut. "And I had to find out through Natasha." She was here quicker than you thought. You wanted to be done packing, but the wound slowed you down.

"Carol will do just fine," you refused to look at her. "She knows all your likes, dislikes, and what you are allergic to.

"I don't want Carol. I want you," you closed your eyes. You knew it was as a bodyguard and nothing more, but a part of you wished it was more. "Why are you leaving me?"

"I'm not leaving you. I-" Would you say to her? That her fiance was cheating on her with someone Maria considered a friend. That a gang war was coming and so many people were going to die in the crossfire.

"I know about Natasha and Wanda," you spun around to face her finally. She was wearing your sweatshirt that you thought you had lost and a pair of jeans. Her hair was damp. She must have rushed over here as soon as her shower was over, but you thought she never looked more beautiful. "You've been shot," she said.

"You knew?" You questioned.

"Don't change the subject," you rolled your eyes because she changed the conversation. She grabbed the first aid kit you had left out and forced you to sit in your recliner. "Of course, I know. I'm not an idiot." You hissed as she pulled the gauze off. "I think it hurts more that you knew and didn't tell me. I thought we were close." She cleaned around the wound. "No exit wound. I have to get the bullet out." You nodded.

"If you knew," you squeezed the chair's armrests as she dug for the bullet. She cooed softly.

"I know, baby," she whispered. "This is the worst part." It had to be the pain. Maybe you were delirious, but you swear you heard her call you baby. You called her pet names because you liked to see her blush.

"If you knew," you continued. She placed the bullet on the side table. "Why stay? Why not call off the engagement?"

"Because I wanted to stay close to the gang," she threaded the suture through the needle. "I wanted to stay close to you." You let her confession rest in the silence as she focused on stitching the gunshot. You felt no pain when the needle pierced your skin. When she was done, she placed a new bandage on it. You grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at you.

"Tell me what you meant by that."

"Nothing," she said. Don't worry about it." Maria tried to pull away from you, but you held her in place—not enough to hurt her, but enough to keep her from running away.

"Tell me, please." You moved your hand to hers and pulled her to her feet. She protested when you told her to sit on your lap, but you held her in place. "Tell me you have the same thoughts I do," you ran your hands up and down her sides and enjoyed the shiver that you felt. "Because I get dirty thoughts about you. They get worse when I'm without you. Are you thinking of them as well?" Instead of answering, she trailed her finger over your lips and down your chest. You weren't sure where this newfound confidence came from. You were leaving, and she was Natasha's; the ring on her finger still confirmed that. "I shouldn't think the things I'm thinking," you admitted. Finally, she locked eyes with yours.

"How long?" She asked. It was a simple question, but still, you hesitated.

"Far too long," she chuckled, shaking her head.

"The more that I push them away. The more that you're stuck in my brain." It was all you needed to hear. You twisted your hand in her brunette hair and kissed her. The kiss was messy and frantic, and Maria's soft sigh only spurred you on more. She matched the intensity of the kiss, but the quiet voice in the back of your head told you this was wrong. She was engaged. Even though her fiance was cheating, her loyalty was to her. You ended the kiss. "Why did you stop?" Maria asked. Her chest was heaving, and a slight blush dusted across her cheeks.

"I don't want to stop," you whispered. Your eyes flickered to the ring on her finger. "You aren't mine." She looked at her ring. Immediately, she took it off and placed it on the table next to the bullet.

"I'm not hers," she said. "Our relationship was always to forge a better relationship between the NYPD and the Black Widows. I've known that from the beginning. If Natasha wants Wanda, then I want you. I always have." There were 101 questions that danced around in your head but died on your tongue due to how she looked at you. Her pupils were blown out, and the color of her eyes was gone. She wanted you. All of your hesitations vanished.

Ignoring the pain from your injury, you picked her up and carried her to your bed. You gently placed her down and quickly covered her body with yours. "Tell me," you whispered, kissing her neck. Her hands grabbed onto your shoulders. "Tell me your mine." You bite down and soothe the spot with your tongue.

"I'm yours," she moaned. Her hand went to the back of your head and forced your lips together. "Tell me your mine."

"I'm yours," you said. "Always have been and always will be."

*

"Take me with you," she lay in your bed, wrapped in your blankets as you were in the bathroom. You wondered when this conversation was going to happen. With a sigh, you joined her back in bed and dragged the sheet over you. You laid on your side to face her.

"I don't even know where I'm going."

"I don't care," she said, taking your hand. "I'm safer with you than with anyone else."

"What about Fury?" You questioned. "You wouldn't leave him, and I wouldn't let you." Her silence was enough of an answer for you. You kissed her hand.

"You are going to leave before an all-out turf war breaks out." God, she was more perceptive than you gave her credit for.

"I can't stop it from happening."

"No, you can't," she smiled. "But you can end it quicker and save lives. People listen to you," you played with her now bare ring finger. You dreamed of putting a ring on it one day. "I always believed Natasha wasted your potential. You are a leader, not a guard dog." All of your life, you've been a follower. You followed your father when he left your mom. You followed your old crew into a death trap. You blindly followed every order Natasha gave you.

"Help me then," you told her. She seemed surprised by your request. "You are more than a pretty little to hold on my arm." Maria was barely allowed in meetings when she was; she was ordered to stay quiet and sit by Natasha's side.

"Do you not think I'm pretty?" She teased. Your eyes widened. Laughing, Maria pushed you onto your back and rested her chin on your chest. "I'm teasing. Of course, I'll help. I think we make a good team." If she believed in you, then that's all you needed.

"Let's plan to save the city tomorrow," you rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand. "I'm tired." She smiled and kissed your lips softly. "Are you staying?"

"I am," she got comfortable with your arms around her. "Sleep, baby. The city can wait one more day."

#maria hill x reader #maria hill x you #natasha romanoff x maria hiill #maria hill x natasha romanoff #blackhill #natasha romanoff x wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x natasha romanoff #wandanat

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Rescue by Lauren Daigle

Summary: Natasha doesn’t have a lot of regrets, everything she’s done in her life has gotten her to where she is now. An Avenger, a hero to young girls, and trying to remove some red from her ledger. But the one thing she does regret is giving you up. But when a word gets out that you are in trouble, she will come to rescue you. 

Pairings: Natasha x Maria, Natasha x Maria x daughter!reader, past Natasha x Bucky

Warning: gun shot violence, implied rape, death, cannon typical violence, gambling, the reader needs a hug but so does Natasha  

Word count: 7.1 k

“Mail call,” Wanda said, walking into the common area with a few pieces of mail in her hand. 

“Who the hell gets paper mail?” Tony asked, pouring coffee into his mug. 

“Some of us like to do things without technology,” Steve said as Wanda handed him the newspaper. Tony looked at the super soldier with disbelief. It was rare that the Avengers got mail but each one had specific memberships. Vision received a copy of the newest National Geographic and Pietro got Sports Illustrated. Sometimes Sam received a letter from his service buddies and Steve always got the newspaper, he did take the comics out for Peter. As Wanda handed out the mail, Natasha waited with bated breath to see if she received a letter. It was rare but she was excited nonetheless. The Sokovian smiled at the Black Widow and handed her a letter. It was addressed the same way, her name and her current address with no return. 

“Thank you,” the Black Widow said, leaving her unfinished lunch on the table and heading for her room. She barely heard Tony question her odd behavior but she didn’t care. When she was safe behind her bedroom door, she opened the envelope. There was a single picture of a young girl with fiery red hair standing at a picnic table. A birthday cake was lit and presents stayed unwrapped around you. Natasha smiled, moving her finger across your face. Her daughter, whom she only got to hold once on the day she was born. When she defected to SHIELD, she gave up for you to live a normal and safe life. But she was promised that you would go to a good family and on birthdays Natasha would receive a photo. The most important thing was if there was any sign of trouble she would be called in. 

“It’s about that time of year,” Maria appeared at her door. “Did you get a photo?” Natasha nodded as her girlfriend sat down next to her. Not counting the agent, four other people knew of your existence. Maria was one of them but not even the Deputy Direction knew of your true location to keep you safe. The agent gently took the picture and smiled. 

“She’s spoiled rotten,” Maria teased. The Black Widow chuckled, letting her head fall onto Maria’s shoulder. It was times like this that Natasha questioned if she made the right choice. She wished she could be there for birthdays and every school accomplishment. Maria kissed her head. “I know, baby, I know.” 

*

“Miss. Romanoff,” FRIDAY said. Natasha stopped her assault on the sandbag. “Your presence is being requested in the conference room.” 

“Do I have time to shower?” 

“No, Director Fury said it’s urgent,” it was never a good sign when Fury was involved. She quickly grabbed her water off the floor and headed for the conference room. When she entered, Fury and Maria were standing by a screen and her sister and Clint were sitting at the table. Oh, she did not have a good feeling about this. 

“What’s going on?” She asked, not bothering to sit down. 

“Does the Winter Soldier mean anything to you?” Of course, it did. He was one of her trainers in the Red Room but also the father of her daughter. In hindsight it was the perfect companionship; one of the Red Room’s best assassins and HYDRA’s most feared weapon. Their child would be the ultimate fighter but they didn’t need to know that. 

“Yeah,” Natasha said, crossing her arms. “He’s credited for over two dozen assassinations in the last 50 years.” 

“So, he’s a ghost story?” Clint questioned. She shook her head. 

“I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran, somebody shot at my tires near Odessa. We lost control, went straight over a cliff,” she said, remembering every part of that day. “I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier was there. I covered my engineer, so he shot him straight through me,” it was heartbreaking as she stared into the eyes of a man she once knew but there was no recognition in his eyes. She lifted her shirt, revealing a bullet wound on her stomach. “A Soviet slug, no rifling. Bye-bye bikinis.”

“Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now,” Maria sarcastically said. Natasha smirked. 

“Ew,” Yelena said. “He was also a trainer in the Red Room. Before my time but the guards would talk.”

“Why are we here, Fury?” Clint asked. Natasha was wondering the same thing. 

“We picked up chatter that was concerning,” he nodded to Maria, who pulled up a recording and played it. The audio was all static and it was hard to hear but Natasha could make out two distinct voices and they said your name and the Winter Soldier. 

“Send me there now,” she said. The audio was still playing and Maria quickly stopped it. 

“Nat..” 

“Don’t ‘Na’t me,” Natasha cut her girlfriend off. “When I gave her up I asked for two things; a picture once or twice a year and to be notified if she’s in danger. In return, I’d never reach out to her.”

“We need you here to run point and we are going to send Belova and Barton to look after her,” Fury instructed. 

“Like hell, you are,” Natasha was slowly losing her composure. “She’s my daughter.”

“You don’t have any claim to her,” Natasha’s jaw clenched. Fury sighed. “Can I please speak with Romanoff alone?” Each one of her closest acquaintances left the room and tried to reassure her in their way but she ignored everyone. Her eyes never left the man. When the door closed, Fury sighed again. 

“Natasha..”

“Don’t Nick,” she said, walking over to the man. “Don’t say another word because I’m very close to throwing you through a wall,” Fury smirked. 

“I’m trying to look after you,” he said. “Your name was mentioned. It could be a trap.” 

“I don’t care,” she said. “She’s my daughter even if you don’t think she is,” she saw the smallest clench of his jaw. “I hear her SOS. I will never stop marching toward her. So I’m going. You can’t stop me.” He thought about it.

“Fine,” he relented. “But Maria is coming with you as your backup.” 

“Clint will run point and I want Yelena on standby if we need it.” He nodded. 

“What do we tell the team?” She wasn’t sure. For the longest time, she’s kept your existence a secret to ensure your safety. But now it may have been all for tonight. No, she couldn’t think like that. You were going to be fine. 

“The truth,” she said. “It’s time they know.” 

*

“Hurry up,” your best friend called out. You giggled, running over to her. She climbed up to do the monkey bars. 

“You got this Sarah,” you cheered as her arms began to shake when she reached halfway. She fell to the ground unable to go the entire way. “Nice try,” you smiled, beginning your turn. You liked the challenge of the monkey bars, the burn of your arms and hands. Unlike Sarah, you didn’t feel your arms shake and you made it all the way across. Sarah rolled her eyes. 

“No fair,” she pouted. “How are you so strong?” You shrugged. It was a mystery to you and something you attributed to your biological parents. In PE class, you learned to hold yourself back even though you could beat all the kids in your class. No one wanted to be friends with the abnormally strong girl. 

“I don’t know,” you said. 

“Come push me on the swings,” Well besides Sarah, she didn’t care that you were stronger than her and she used it to her advantage. You smiled, running after her. She jumped onto the empty swing and you began to push her. It wasn’t long before your mind began to wander as you looked around the park. There was a small party at the pavilion and a small-sided soccer game. A few black vans were parked on the far side. You found your parents sitting at a bench speaking with a man you knew well. Agent Cruise. He was present at every birthday party and family gathering. According to your mom, he was the one that found you when your birth mother abandoned you. Why was he here? 

“I’ll be right back,” you told Sarah and walked over to the trio. Agent Cruise saw you right away, a smile on his face. 

“Hi firecracker,” he held out his fist and you pumped it three times then gave him a side hug. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked him. 

“I was in the area and I thought I’d say hi to the family.” That was a lie but you didn’t question it. If he was lying for a reason, it had to be a good one. 

“Everything is fine, sweetheart,” your mom said. “Go back and play with Sarah.”

“Okay, love you guys,” you turned around to go back to the playground but a gunshot froze you in your spot. It was a sound you heard on TV and in movies and never expected to hear it in real life. A body crashed into yours pushing you into the ground as another shot went off. 

“W-Will,” you stuttered. 

“Eyes on me, okay?” You nodded, staring into his brown eyes. “My car isn’t far. I need you to run and I’ll cover you.” 

“What about -” Your eyes found your parents, slumped against each other and blood pouring from a single shot in their head. “No,” you whispered, tears pooling at the corner of your eyes but you didn’t let them fall. 

“Firecracker, run,” he got off of you and began to fire. You scrambled to your feet as he shot at a man walking towards you. His bullets made him take cover but you locked eyes with him. They were blue, similar to the color of your own eyes. His brown hair was shoulder length and half of his face was covered with a mask. But the most striking feature about him was his metal arm that shone under the California sun. 

Finding his car wasn’t hard and it was unlocked when you opened the backseat. You slammed the doors closed and tried to calm your racing heart. You mimicked the breathing technique your dad would do. Breathe in for 5 seconds and hold it for 5. In for 5 seconds and out for 5. Soon your heart rate calmed down but your eyes burned with unshed tears. They died, killed right in front of you. You heard voices outside the car and you covered your mouth to keep quiet. His windows were tinted so they couldn’t see in but they would be able to hear you. 

More gunshots and yelling made you yelp and the silhouettes of the men outside disappeared. You removed your hand and listened outside. Soon the car door swung open. You bite back a scream that almost left your lips. “Hey, it’s okay,” you weren’t expecting a woman with red hair and green eyes wearing a black tactical suit. You knew her. Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, and Avenger. “You're safe but I need you to come with me,” you stayed frozen, staring at the woman in front of you. “Look, we are running out of time. Please come with me.” She held out her hand and you took it, hoping you could trust her. 

*

This wasn’t how Natasha wanted to meet you. She had so many other ways that didn’t involve your adoptive parents murdered and an assassin who happens to be your biological father hunting you. Nothing was easy for the Black Widow. “Put this on,” she handed you a helmet. “Get on,” she got on the motorcycle and she felt you get on behind her, hesitant arms wrapping around her waist. Natasha kicked up the kickstand and the engine came to life. “I got her,” she said over the comms. 

“Well, you got company,” Maria said. Natasha looked behind her and saw 3 vans turning down the street; they were one and the Winter Soldier handing out the window with an AK-47. “Stick to the side streets,” she continued. “I’ll get you both back safely.” Natasha trusted Maria to do just that and started to drive. 

“You have to trust me, okay? When I lean, you lean,” Natasha said over the wind. “If you don’t, they will catch us and kill you.” She wasn’t sure if you heard her until she felt your head and squeezed her waist. 

“Take your next right,” Natasha let out a shaky breath and turned right. Your body leaned with hers. Okay, the Black Widow thought, maybe they’d get through this. 

*

The motorcycle stopped and you took off the helmet. You were in an alley between 2 apartment buildings. The Black Widow got off and helped you down, your legs shook and were a little unsteady. “Come on,” she said, leading you to a door. “We can rest soon.” She opened the door and led you up 2 flights of stairs. The redhead stopped at a door, room 324, and knocked three times. It took a minute for the door to open. In front of you was a woman with black hair, pulled back into a bun. Her brown eyes were sharp but they landed on Natasha and they softened. 

“Glad you're alive,” she said, stepping out of the way. You hesitated but followed the Black Widow inside the apartment. 

“Did you have that little faith?” Natasha teased sitting on the couch. You could see the tension leave her body. 

“What the heck is going on?” You asked. “I just watched my parents die in front of me, a mystery man with a metal man was chasing me, and an Avenger shows up,” you looked at the other woman. “I have no idea who you are or what is going on.” 

“I’m Maria,” she waved, sitting down next to Natasha. It was nice to have her name but that did not answer any of your questions. 

“We can’t tell you everything right now but you're safe here,” Natasha said. You stared at the redhead, the color so similar to your own. Now that you looked at the Avenger you saw a lot of your features in her. 

“How can I feel safe when you won’t tell me the truth?” Her green eyes locked onto your blue ones and she looked away. 

“We can’t,” she said. “Not right now.” Your jaw clenched. 

“We may be here for a while,” Maria said, standing up. “I’ll show you to your room.” You continued to stare at the Black Widow, wanting her to look at you or wanting to grab her by her shoulders and yell - ‘are you my mother?’ but she wouldn’t look at you. You sighed, following Maria. 

“Here you go,” it was a simple room. A bed pushed up in the corner, no TV or posters of any kind. It was a stark contrast to your room. “I know this isn’t ideal,” you skimmed your hand over the bedsheets. “But we will keep you safe.” You looked at Maria. 

“She’s my mom, right?” Maria had an excellent poker face but it was a game you’ve been playing since you could talk. She was surprised by your statement so there were a few ways she could go about this; lie, tell the truth, or deflect. You were leaning towards deflection. 

“There are take-out menus on the fridge, figure out what you want to eat.” Deflection. It was the easiest way, to tell the truth without betraying someone’s trust. 

“Right,” you sat down on the bed. “Thanks.” She nodded. 

“Come find us if you need anything,” you didn’t respond as she closed the door. You leaned against the wall, looking out the window to the street down below. People were going about their day unaware of how your life was altered forever. 

*

“How is she?” Clint asked over the computer. They just finished a meeting with the rest of the team back in New York to come up with the next phase of the plan. She ignored Tony's thousand and one questions regarding you. Overall he seemed hurt she never told him, since ‘we’ve been through so much together.’ Natasha felt bad, they were her team, her family but sometimes the thought of you hurt too much. But a plan was made which consisted of you, Maria, and Natasha to head to Norway to lay low while the rest of the teams tracked and captured the Winter Soldier. Easier said than done. Now she was only talking with Yelena and Clint while Maria tried to get you to eat. 

“She’s quiet,” Natasha knew that was to be expected. “She hasn’t said anything since Maria showed her to her room.”

“Does she know?” Yelena asked. Natasha sighed, nodding her head. 

“Yeah, she asked Maria but she didn’t give her a yes or now,” You were smart, maybe a little too smart. “But I haven’t told her.” 

“Are you going to?”

“Do we know how they found her?” Natasha deflected. She didn’t have an answer to Yelena’s question. Clint nodded. 

“Her adoptive father got into some gambling debts,” he said. “Ripped off the wrong people.” 

“But why go after her?” Yelena questioned. “Why do they want her alive?” Now Natasha knew that answer. She pinched the bridge of her nose. 

“Her biological father is the Winter Soldier,” she told them. “That is why they are after her. If she falls into the wrong hands, she could be an unstoppable weapon.”

*

You couldn’t sleep. Every time you close your eyes, you saw the metal man with a gun and your parents dead at your feet. Natasha came into your room to tell you that all three of you would be leaving bright and early and to try to get some sleep. You didn’t respond as she left saying goodnight. So you lay awake, staring up at the ceiling. Finally, you sighed and stood up leaving your small room to venture into the rest of the apartment. The other bedroom was on the opposite side of the apartment but you tried to be quiet as you went through the bare kitchen. In the last drawer you opened, you found what you were looking for. A single deck of cards. You grabbed it and sat down at the dining room table. Game night was common practice that took place with you and your parents almost every night. At a young age, they taught you poker, blackjack, pitch, rummy, and spades. You never left home without a deck of cards as a simple game of poker square or solitaire could calm your racing mind. So, you set up a poker square game. It was a game of strategy, patience, and a little bit of luck unless you could count cards. Another skill your parents taught you. “Couldn’t sleep?” The Black Widow questioned. You didn’t answer, glancing up at the redhead as she got two bottles of water and sat across from you. “What are you playing?” 

“Poker,” you answered. 

“Poker? Aren’t you a little young to know how to play poker?” You rolled your eyes. It was the same thing said to you by every adult when they found out you could play. 

“Poker isn’t just a way to gamble all the money in your pocket,” you didn’t look away from the cards. “It can teach you emotional stability in changing situations, to think analytically, and how to read people. But also how to be deceptive, you have to make everyone believe you have something in your hand when in reality you have something else,” Finally, you looked up at the Black Widow. “You’d be good at it. Your poker face is shit though.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“You know I thought about you all the time,” you went back to your game. “It kept me up some nights questioning why my mother gave me up. Maybe I wasn’t good enough or a mistake or she didn’t love me,” a glance up and you saw everything you needed in her eyes. They softened as her other facial features stayed stoic. 

“Not your mom, kid,” she lied. 

“From an emotional standpoint, sure, you aren’t. But biologically, I know I share your DNA,” you flipped the last card, placing it in the final spot. Taking a moment to look over how you did, you gathered up the cards again. “Shit poker face remember. It’s all in your eyes, they give too much away,” you shuffled the cards and began to play again. “Not that it’s a bad thing,” you added quickly, not wanting to offend the woman sitting across from you. “Just surprising,” you took a sip of water she gave you. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Go for it,” she said. “You can ask but that doesn’t mean I’ll answer.” Her smirk mirrored your own. 

“Say we don’t share any biological relation, why would the Avengers come and save me?” You began to play again. “I'm nobody,” you said. “It would probably cost less to have them kill me,” you saw her flinch slightly at your blunt comment. 

“You're not the only one he’s after,” you looked up at her. 

“Why?” You questioned. 

“I don’t know,” she answered. You hummed, nodding your head. 

“First time you were honest with me,” you cleaned up the cards. “Goodnight, Natasha,” you took the cards and the water bottle.

“Night, kid,” her voice followed you to the room. When the door closed, you rested your back against it. Your poker face was failing. You felt the cracks. Letting out a shaky breath, you pulled back the covers and climbed in. You were surprised at how quickly you fell asleep. 

*

Norway was beautiful. It was your first time leaving the country. You sat in the backseat of the white car with Maria in the passenger seat and Natasha was driving. You stayed quiet, playing with the charm around your neck. It was a turtle dove, a  Christmas gift from Agent Cruise, who had a matching charm. You wondered if he was okay. Maria tried to make conversation asking about your likes and dislikes. You kept your answers short. Natasha drove through a dirt road through the woods and when the car emerged you saw a camper in the middle of a clearing. The driver's side window was down and you heard water. There was nothing for miles around. “It’s not much but we’ll stay safe,” Natasha said, parking the car. Maria got out and opened your door for you to get out. The wind caused goosebumps to form on your skin as you followed the couple. 

The camper was simple, a couch that faced a small TV and a kitchen. Natasha walked towards the main bedroom, passing a bathroom. When she opened the bedroom door, there was a man fast asleep on top of the bed. The Black Widow hit the man on his foot, who jerked awake. “You're in our bed.”

“I’m..I’m not even under the covers,” he sat up, looking at Maria then you. “You're new. Who are you?” His voice was laced with a British accent. 

“I’m not telling you,” you said, not missing the way Natasha smiled at you. 

“Did you get everything on my list?” Natasha asked, walking back into the main part of the camper. You sat down on the couch as the three adults stood around the kitchen countertop. 

“Got passports, entry visas, and a couple of local driver’s licenses,” he handed the couple a white envelope. “There is a generator outside. It’s petrol-powered and the septic tank will need a flush in a couple of weeks,” he spun around, leaning against the counter. He was looking at you. “You’ll have to haul your rubbish into town. It’s about a 20-minute drive,” he continued. Finally, you couldn’t help but stare at him. 

“Can I help you?” You questioned. He smiled. 

“No, just looking,” you rolled your eyes. 

“Take a picture and it’ll last longer,” you mumbled, standing up and leaving the camper. You followed the sound of running water to a small stream. You sat on the bank and got lost in the water. 

*

“She’s a spitfire,” Mason said, turning to face the couple. Maria picked up the envelope on the counter and hit his arm. “Ow, what was that for?” He rubbed the spot that was just hit. 

“Leave her alone,” Maria said. “You're lucky I hit you and she didn’t.” Mason rolled his eyes.

“Does she know?’ He questioned. “She must, right?” Natasha walked over to the window and watched you. You were kneeling by the steam’s edge. “I mean it’s like I’m seeing double.” Mason continued. 

“She does,” Natasha whispered. “Not sure how she feels about it.” 

“Have you asked?” He asked, standing behind her. The Black Widow shook her head. 

“She’s been through a lot. I don’t want to add more to it.” 

*

The three of you fell into a routine. You slept on the pullout couch while Maria and Natasha were in the main bedroom. By the time the Black Widow was up for her morning run, you were up playing with the deck of cards you brought from the apartment. Maria would cook breakfast and the two Avengers spent the majority of the day doing Avenger duties, trying to help their teammates in any way. While they were doing that, you explored the surrounding woods and walked up and down the creek. When they needed to go into town, you went with them and a movie to end the night. Repeat. Repeat. And repeat. The repetition of the days wasn’t bothering you but the lack of conversation with the Black Widow was driving you insane. Maria was making an effort and you enjoyed talking and playing cards with her. Every time Maria invited Natasha but she would turn her down, coming up with a bullshit excuse. You knew what she was doing. She was building a wall between you and her. It would be fine if you didn’t catch her longing looks at you or hear Maria and Natasha fight one night when they thought you were asleep. Maria called her girlfriend out on her stand-offish behavior and Natasha claimed it was better off this way, it was only temporary.

Temporary. You were only a mission. Once the metal-armed man was dealt with you would go back home. But where was home? The only parents you knew were dead, no one spoke about Agent Cruise, and you were beginning to feel safe with the couple. Even though Natasha’s behavior was upsetting you. You wanted her to acknowledge you so were going to push her buttons. 

*

She just got off a meeting with the other Avengers and you heard the last of it as you came back into the camper for some water. The man disappeared. There were no signs of him. Natasha sighed, closing her laptop. You stared at the Black Widow from the kitchen, finished the glass of water, and placed it on the counter. “I want to go home,” you suddenly said. Her head snapped to you, you thought she was going to give herself whiplash. “They said he’s gone so it’s safe for me to go home.”

“And where are you going to go?” She questioned. Your jaw clenched. 

“Anywhere is better than here,” you mumbled, ignoring the flash of hurt across Natasha’s face and walking back outside. You heard Natasha behind you. 

“You know if you go back to the States he’ll kill you,” you stopped. “That is what he’s waiting for you. He will find you and kill you.” 

“Then use me as bait,” you turned to face her. “Have the Avengers stand guard, he’ll come, you’ll play hero, and we’ll go our separate ways.” 

“That’s not happening,” her face was hard to read, not even you could read her eyes. She had been practicing. Shit. “Even if I thought that was a good idea, which it isn’t. You aren’t ready,” you heard a car pull up as Maria returned from a quick trip to the store. “You have no idea how to survive in this world. It will chew you up and spit you out.” 

“I hate you,” you said, tears swelling in her eyes. You couldn’t help it. Natasha shook her head. 

“No, you don’t. Shit poker face. Your eyes give away too much,” repeated the same thing you said to her. “Not that it’s bad, just surprising.”  

“Screw you,” you snapped and ran towards the woods, ignoring Maria calling your name. 

*

“Do I even want to know what happened?” Maria asked. Natasha put her hands on her hips and looked down at the grass. 

“She wants to go home and I told her that as soon as she sets foot into the States he’ll kill her,” she sighed. “She said we could use her as bait and I may have said some other hurtful things.” Natasha heard her girlfriend sigh and walk over to her. With gentle hands, she lifted Natasha’s head to force her to look up. Green eyes stared into warm brown ones. 

“Why are you pushing her away, my love?” Maria whispered, gently pushing away a tear. Natasha didn’t realize she was crying. 

“This won’t last,” Natasha whispered. “Once she’s safe she’ll go back to a new family and I’ll never see her again. I can’t,” she cleared her throat. “I can’t handle growing close to her and then having her ripped away from me,” Maria brought her into a hug, cradling her head. Natasha felt her fingers run through her hair. Maria’s steady heartbeat helped the Black Widow’s heart calm down. Maria smelt like sandalwood and rain but it reminded Natasha of home. Maria stepped back, keeping her arms wrapped around her. 

“But wouldn’t a little pain be worth it so you experience having her now as you’ve always dreamt about,” Maria pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. “Love her now because you have the chance to.” Natasha let out a shaky breath. 

“I love you,” the Russian whispered. “I don’t think I could do this without you.” Maria kissed her softly. 

“I’m not going anywhere, baby, I’m right here.” 

*

“Kid,” you spun around to see the Black Widow behind you. You weren’t surprised she found you on a small rock near the stream’s edge. “You said you want to go home fine but I’m going to train you.” 

“Train?” You questioned. 

“Yes,” she crossed her arms. “Once word gets out who you are, that man won’t be the only one after you. I was right when I said you won’t survive this world so I’m going to make sure you can. I won’t always be around to save you,” she added on quickly. Her statement made your stomach drop but there was a crack in her pocket face. She was lying. 

“Okay,” you whispered, instead of calling her out on it. 

“Okay,” Natasha repeated. “Come on, Maria is cooking enchiladas.” You stood up, wiping the dirt off your pants, and followed the Black Widow back to the camper. 

*

Training started the following morning. You were up when Natasha went for her run and you joined her. It's been a while since you had to use your full speed to catch up with someone. Natasha was a lot faster than your 5th-grade classmates. After you ran, it was a quick breakfast then strength training and hand-to-hand combat. Maria would stop the two of you for lunch then it was weapon training. That was your favorite. Instead of nightly movies, you spent your time watching fight sequences and going over old mission reports to enhance your battle strategy.

It has hard and back-breaking work but you loved it. It reminded you of when your dad would take you to his poker games and gave you the job of reading his opponents. No one expected a little girl to have a better poker face than a 40-year-old man. Even though Natasha was yelling orders at you, it was the closest you felt to the Black Widow. Was it the healthiest way to bond with the mother that abandoned you? No, but she and Maria were all you had. You liked the proud smile Natasha tried to hide when you did something well or Maria’s gentle hands to help clean the cuts and bruises you received from the day’s training. It was nice, you felt like a family no matter how grueling the training sessions were. 

*

“You're holding back,” Natasha said. You were sparing with the Black Widow with Maria off to the side, watching. You were exhausted. The couple already put you through a 5-mile run and intense strength training. Natasha promised this was the last thing for the day if you managed to pin her. Easier said than done. “Come on, kid, push.” 

“I’m trying,” you said, putting your hands over your head, trying to get more air in your lungs. 

“When you're tired this is how you grow and learn. Now come get me,” you rushed her but Natasha grabbed your arm and threw you back to the ground. You groaned, staring up at the blue sky. “Come on get up. Do you think he’ll or anyone will let you have a break?” You huffed and stood back up. “This is how you survive. You get knocked down 100 times and you keep getting up because if you don’t you will die.” You sighed, wiping the sweat off your forehead. Think and breathe. Think and breathe. It was like a game of poker. You had to make her think you were going to do something then change your attack. Who knew your parents were training you to be an Avenger? Natasha said you were holding back so you weren’t going to. You sighed, bouncing on your toes, and sprinted towards her. She expected it since it was the same move you went for prior but when she went to grab your arm, you grabbed her and twisted it behind her back. She was quick to escape and you jumped back, creating distance between you and her. There was a smile dancing on her lips but you ignored it. You had to focus. 

She made the first move and punched with her right but you blocked it with your forearm. You blocked a few of her blows and hit her a few times in the stomach. She stumbled backward and you surged forward. You grabbed one of her arms and the other went behind her neck. You turned into her, sticking your right foot into her leg, and used the momentum to fling her over your body and onto the ground. You put your knee into her chest and stared down at her. You stared at your reflection in her green eyes. You didn’t recognize the look in your blue eyes but you’ve seen it before. The man with the metal arm had the same look in his blue eyes. It scared you, seeing your eyes void of all emotions and mimicking the glare of that man. Your eyes were dark, losing the light that your parents loved so much. They were void of the color so many people envied. You were terrified of yourself. 

With shaky legs, you stepped away from Natasha and Maria was already walking over. “That man who's after me, what’s his name?” You asked, trying to keep your voice from shaking. Natasha stood up and the couple had a silent conversation with one another. 

“He’s called the Winter Soldier,” Maria said. “HYDRA’s deadliest assassin.” You recognized the name HYDRA, a name said in passing at one of your dad’s poker games. You looked at Natasha. 

“Who is he to me?” You questioned. Her jaw clenched. “Tell me!” You demanded.

“He’s your father,” she said simply. You weren’t sure if it made it worse or better. “The Red Room decided to work along with HYDRA to create the perfect weapon,” there was a deep sadness edged in every one of her words. She looked away from you and towards the woods. Your stomach turned. You were a product of a forced relationship. 

“Does he know?” Natasha shrugged. 

“I don’t know,” her voice shook. “They did this horrible thing to reset him and wipe his memory. I don’t even think he remembers me,” Maria gently took her girlfriend’s hand in hers. You felt cold all of a sudden. Every one of the weird quirks that made you different now had an explanation. 

“Uh okay,” you nodded your head. “I need a minute.” You turned around and walked into the camper, making a beeline for the bathroom and closing the door behind you. Your hands shook as you turned on the water and splashed water on your face. You tried to regulate your breathing; in for 5, out for 5, in for 5, and out for 5 but it wasn’t helping. Bile was rising in your throat. Did Natasha have a choice? Did they have a relationship together or was it forced? You closed the toilet seat and you sat down, your legs finally gave out. 

HYDRA was a name whispered once or twice at your dad’s poker game. Your parents must have known who your biological parents were. Did they care? Did they realize the mistake they made before it was too late? You sighed, biting down on a towel and letting out a scream. You hoped the towel would muffle it. 

*

Maria found you sitting on the couch with one of Natasha’s pistols and a timer. Like playing poker or another card game, you found that dismantling a gun and putting it back together calmed your racing mind. You glanced at the agent. “Where’s Nat?” You asked. 

“Ran to the store,” you nodded. Maria sat down next to you, taking the gun from your hands. “Maybe we should talk instead of playing with a gun.” 

“There is nothing to talk about,” you stared at the TV. “I mean I find out my biological mother is an Avenger and my father is a feared assassin who is trying to kill me,” you felt your throat burn as tears threatened to escape. “My adoptive parents are dead and I’m pretty sure they were the reason he found me,” you folded your hands together, squeezing them. “I finally have answers to so many questions but now I don’t want them because I feel so alone,” you sighed, angrily whipping your face. “But I’m so fucking fine.” 

“Language,” she gasped. You looked at the woman and laughed at the teasing smile on her face. “I want to show you something,” she stood up and grabbed a small box next to the TV. She handed it to you. “It was part of the arrangement,” you opened the box and saw pictures of you at all stages of your life. “Natasha agreed to give you up in return she got pictures of you and was notified if you were in trouble.” Maria sighed, picking up one of the pictures. “I know it’s very hard to see but she loves you very much even if she doesn’t say it,” you closed the box, whipping away a tear that fell. “And you aren’t alone. You have us.” 

“But when the mission is over, what happens to me then?” You asked. 

“What do you want?” You weren’t expecting the question, not thinking you had a choice in the matter. 

“I know what I want,” you answered. “But I don’t think I can have it.”

*

Natasha didn’t join you and Maria for dinner. She was outside, drinking from a bottle of vodka when you joined her. The only light was from the stars and the small camping light. You sat down next to her on the top of the picnic table. “Are you hungry?” You asked. “I can go get you something.” She smiled. 

“Not hungry, kid, but thank you.” You nodded, watching her take another sip from the bottle. 

“I’m sorry,” you told her, looking up at the stars so you couldn’t see her face. “This probably hasn’t been easy for you since I’m a constant reminder of everything. Plus I know I haven’t made it easy for you.” 

“This is not your fault. I should have been honest with you from the beginning. It just,” Natasha sighed. “Hurt too much.” You nodded, that you understood. Silence fell between you and her. 

“I asked Maria what was going to happen to me once the Winter Soldier situation was over. She asked what I wanted,” you looked at her. “Do you know what I want?” You asked. She shook her head. “I want to go live with you and Maria and meet the other Avengers.” The shock was evident on her face. 

“Why?” She whispered. 

“Because you're my mom,” you whispered back. “And I know I’ll be safe as long as I’m with you.” Natasha let out a breathless laugh, shaking her head. 

“Your innocence was stolen because of all this,” she whispered, pushing some of your red hair behind your ear. “I will send out an army to find you even in the middle of the darkest nights. I will rescue you,” she whipped away a few of your tears that fell. You didn’t realize you were crying. “There is no distance that cannot be covered. I’ll be your shelter and armor. There was never a moment you were forgotten or I wasn’t thinking about you.”

“I can’t,” your voice shook. “I can’t lose any more people in my life. I think it will break me.” She pulled you into a hug and something inside you snapped. You cried. You finally cried against her. 

“Sh, dorogoy (sweetheart),” Natasha whispered, rubbing soothing circles on your back. “I’m right here. I won’t go anywhere.” You heard the camper door open but you didn’t move from the Black Widow’s arms. You felt the table move as Maria sat down on your other side. Without looking you intertwined your fingers with Maria. She squeezed your hand. “We won’t leave you. We are right here.” You nodded your head against Natasha. You so wanted to believe them but there was a theme of people coming into your life and leaving. Maybe you were the problem. 

“Come on, sweetheart,” Maria whispered. “Let’s go to bed. We have a long day tomorrow.” You nodded, removing yourself from Natasha. ‘Along the day,’ you thought, ‘It’s been the longest few weeks of your life. What’s one more long day?’ 

Part 2                                                                                    

#inspired by music #marvel one shot #natasha romanoff x maria hiill #Maria Hill x Natasha Romanoff #blackhill #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #natasha romanoff x you #maria hill x you #maria hill x daughter!reader #blackhill x reader #blackhill x daughter!reader #blackhill x you #natasha romanoff x winter solider #black widow one shot #black widow fanfiction

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Accidents Happen

Family is More than Blood AU 

Summary: When Carol has a nightmare and hurts you with her powers, your sisters don’t take it to well. 

Warning: A whole lot of angst, mention of a nightmare, mention of injury 

Word Count: 3.1k 

Natasha was a little surprised to find you in Wanda’s room sitting on her bed while the Sokovian was in her closet. “Hey Nat,” you said when you noticed her in the doorway. “What’s up?”

“I was just looking for you,” she leaned against the doorway. “What are you doing?”

“Oh!” Natasha watched the smile grow on your face. “Carol is taking me on a date and I’m running out of date outfits so Wanda offered her assistance.” Wanda stuck her head out of the closet and smiled at the Black Widow. “Do you need something?” You asked. Natasha smiled, shaking her head but she felt a weird feeling bubble in her chest. 

“Nope,” she said. “Have fun tonight. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” You laughed and your attention was back on Wanda as she stepped out of the closet with a few dress options. Natasha walked out of Wanda’s room as soon she was a good distance away her smile fell. It seemed like every time Yelena or her tried to do anything with you Carol seemed to have something planned. It was frustrating but Natasha had never seen your smile so big. She felt that feeling again deep within her chest. There was a bitter taste in her mouth. She gasped, stopping in the hallway. Jealous. She was jealous of the time you and Carol were spending together. She shook her head, trying to rid herself of the feeling, and walked into Yelena’s room. 

“Is she not coming?” The blonde asked. Natasha shook her head. Yelena sighed but she smiled. “That’s okay! We’ll still have fun.” Natasha smiled, pulling her sister into a hug. 

“You're right,” she said. “Now we can gossip about her.” Yelena giggled, the smile not reaching her eyes. 

*

“Tonight was fun,” you said, walking into your room with Carol close behind. 

“It was,” you squeaked as you felt her arms wrap around your waist pulling you flush to her chest. “You looked beautiful tonight,” she kissed your shoulder and you felt goosebumps form over your skin. You pulled out of her arms with a smirk. 

“Help me take the dress off,” you said, walking into the bathroom. Carol followed you without hesitation. 

*

You lay awake next to Carol tracing shapes on her skin. She was fast asleep next to you, laying on her back. You knew you should get some sleep as you promised Yelena you would go on a morning run with her but your mind wouldn’t stop. You couldn’t believe this was your life. You were out of the Red Room living with your sisters and the Avengers and going on dates with a girl you liked. It was your dream come true. 

Whimpers coming from the woman next to you broke you out of your daydream. You sat up slowly to look at Carol. Her eyebrows were scrunched together and a thin line of sweat was covering her forehead. A nightmare. “Hey darling,” you whispered. “Wake up for me. You're safe. It’s just a nightmare.”

“No,” Carol mumbled. “Not her. Please.” Your heart broke. “Take me. Take me.” She began to thrash in her sleep. You had to wake her up before she hurt herself. 

“Sweetheart, wake up. Come back to me.” It happened rather quickly. Her hands began to glow and before you could get out of the way, a blast from her powers hit you directly. It sent you flying backward and you hit the wall hard. Stars covered your vision as you slid down to the ground. You hissed in pain, squeezing your eyes shut. 

“Fuck,” you barely could make out Carol sitting up in bed. But her eyes found you instantly. “Y/n,” Carol stuttered. 

“It’s,” you winced. “It’s okay.” Before Carol could move over to you, your door flew open and you saw your sisters running over to you. 

“What did you do?” Natasha barked at Carol. It was becoming hard to keep your eyes open. 

“Carol,” you mumbled. “Accident.” 

“Get away from her,” you heard Yelena snap. “We need to get her to the med bay.” That was the last thing you heard before the world went dark. 

*

You woke up extremely thirsty and in the med bay. There was a pounding in your head as you tried to sit up. “Hey,” you heard Wanda’s voice. “Take it easy.” She helped you sit up. 

‘Water,’ you thought. The Sovokvian handed you a water bottle and you downed the entire thing. “How long have I been here?” You asked her. 

“2 days,” she said. “Your injuries were pretty extensive. Helen had to use the cradle,” you looked down at your arms and saw that the burns were gone. Your skin felt normal, and some of your old scars were gone. “The serum saved your life.”  

“Where’s Carol?” Wanda sighed. 

“I don’t know,” but she wasn’t being fully honest, she wouldn’t look at you. “I saw Natasha and Yelena talking to her,” she bit her lip. “I heard Steve saying she took off for a mission.” Your heart skipped. You tore the IV out of your arm and stood up. Your legs were a little shaky and you ignored Wanda calling out for you as you left the room. 

“Hey,” Natasha said, walking over to you with Yelena and Maria. “What are you doing out of bed?” 

“What did you do?” You asked, ignoring her question and the ache radiating from your body. Her poker face was amazing but you knew your sister and everyone had a tell. There was a small twitch of her left eyebrow. “What did you say to Carol?”

“Nothing,” she said. She was lying. “She could have killed you.”

“It was an accident,” you admitted. “She was having a nightmare and woke up and reacted. How many times have you hurt Maria because of a nightmare?” You asked. 

“It’s a little different,” Yelena said, not allowing time for Natasha to answer. You looked at the blonde. ‘We don’t have powers as she does.” You looked at them in disbelief. 

“It’s the same thing. We wake up from a nightmare sometimes out of control,” you heard Wanda walk next to you. “So I’m going to ask again. What did you say to her that caused her to leave?” You asked. 

“We didn’t say anything,” Natasha said. “Now come on you need to rest,” she moved to grab your hand but you pulled away from her. You didn’t believe her. Carol wouldn’t just leave without making sure you were okay. Right? Right?

“Natalie,” you said slowly. “Stop lying to me.” You held her glare. Finally, she sighed. 

“I told her that it would be best if she wasn’t here when you woke up,” your stomach flipped and the color drained from your face. 

“What?” You questioned. “Why-why would you do that?”

“She could have killed you,” she took another step towards you but you backed away from her. You needed space. “She’s dangerous.”

“Dangerous?” You questioned. 

“We just want what’s best for you,” Yelena added. 

“Best for me?” It was hard for your brain to connect what they were saying. Your brain was short-circuiting. “You wanted to do what was best for me but you made a decision that wasn’t yours to make,” you said. You rubbed your head. “You did it for your benefit, not mine. Why’d you do it?”

“Carol-”

“Stop,” you hissed, cutting Natasha off. “Stop making this conversation about her when her hurting me was an accident because if she was in the right state of mine she wouldn’t hurt me or anyone of us,” you hated this rage that was building inside of you especially since it was directed at your sisters'. You pinched the bridge of your nose. “Why did you tell her to leave?” Still, they didn’t answer. Your sisters were as stubborn as a mule. So you focused your attention on Maria. “You’ve been quiet over there,” you said to her. “Did you not have a hand in what my sisters did?” She crossed her arms, a clear scene of protecting herself. 

“I did not,” you hummed, looking back at Natasha and Yelena. The youngest couldn’t even look at you anymore.

“I could always ask Wanda,” you said. “Have her take a peek inside your head.” They both had a physical reaction to that. Natasha through her arms to the side with a huff. 

“Carol has been hogging you for weeks. We barely get to see you.” You blinked at her, allowing her words to sit with you. 

“Jealousy,” you said, slowly. “You told Carol to leave the compound because you were jealous.”  

“Well,” Yelena said. “There is more to it than that.” You laughed.   

“Oh, is there?” You asked. “Because do you want to see it from my point of view? You are selfish,” Yelena’s eyes began to water. “If there is a problem you come talk to me and not take matters into your hand and pushed away someone I l-care about,” you stopped yourself from admitting something you weren’t sure about. “I’ve admitted to both of how jealous I am of the life you’ve got to live and I’ve never tried to break it apart. You-” your voice cracked. “Is this why you never came back for me?” You hit a nerve as Natasha’s face morphed into sadness. 

“Y/n,” she said. 

“I guess I don’t deserve the same happiness, right?” A part of you regretted saying it. “You didn’t want me to steal what you already have.” 

“Please stop saying that,” Yelena pleaded. “That’s not true.” 

“Yeah it hurts, doesn’t it?” you shook your head and pushed past them. You ran to your room, using the adrenaline to push past the pain. When you got to your room, you immediately called Carol unsure if the call was going to go through. You paced back and forth listening to it ring. “Hey, can you call me when you get this? Please. I’m not mad at you. I just want to talk.” You hung up, biting your nails. You called her again and like before she didn’t answer. “I don’t know what they said to you but I’m okay. I just need you to come home.” You hung up. You called three more times throughout the day, leaving voicemails and text messages but she didn’t respond. 

After 24 hours since you woke up from med bay you had enough. FRIDAY told you Tony was in his lab with Rhodey. You stormed in. “Woah,” Tony said, holding up his hands. “Where’s the fire, Big Spider?” 

“I need you to send me to space.”

“Excuse me?” The billionaire questioned. 

“This is about Carol, right?” Rhodey asked. You ignored him and stared at Tony.

“Here is what’s going to happen,” you said, placing your hands on the table. “You are either going to send me to space or give me a way to speak with Carol. Because I’m this close,” you put your fingers close together. “To lose my fucking mind.” You cleaned closer to him. “And trust me, Tony, you don’t want to be on my warpath.” Tony gulped. His eyes nervously glanced at the man sitting next to him. 

“Okay,” Tony said. “We have a direct line to her ship that we use for emergencies.” 

“And this seems like an emergency," Rhodey added. 

“Follow me.” You followed Tony to a conference room where a computer was set up. “Just press enter and it will connect.” You nodded. 

“Tony,” he faced you. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t mention it,” he smiled. You sat down at the computer and took a few deep breaths to calm yourself down. It was wrong to take your anger out on Tony when it wasn’t his fault. You made a mental note to apologize to him. Your heart was in your throat as you hit enter and waited for the video to connect. 

“Stark is there -” her voice cut off as she saw you. She was standing in the hallway of her ship. 

“Please don’t hang up,” you said suddenly. “Hi,” you whispered. She looked tired, bags underneath her eyes. “I’m not mad at you. I wasn’t sure if you got my messages.” 

“I did,” she said. That hurt a little more than you thought as she was ignoring your calls. 

“Oh, okay,” you cleared your throat. “I don’t know what they said to you to make you leave but it was an accident. I know you would never hurt me. What hurt more was when I woke up and the one person I wanted to see wasn’t there,” your throat burned as you tried to keep the tears back. “When will you be home?”

“Mission will take about a week,” you nodded, unable to look at her anymore. You angrily whipped away a tear. 

“Okay, I’ll see you then.”

“Sweetheart,” the pet name caused you to look up. “I’m sorry.” You weren’t sure what she was apologizing for but you nodded and ended the call. You closed your eyes, tasting the salt of your tears. Every wound or bruise you’ve gotten didn’t hurt as much compared to this feeling. Your heart was hurting. You were fighting with your sisters and Carol was avoiding you. You fell to the ground, bringing your knees to your chest. You covered your mouth to quiet your sobs. Your entire body shook. When was the last time you let yourself cry this much? You heard footsteps walking over to you. Through your blurry eyes, you saw that it was Wanda. Without saying anything, she knelt next to you and hugged you. 

“Every-everything h-hurts,” you cried against her. 

“I know,” she said, running her fingers through your hair. “I need you to breathe for me.” You shook your head. 

“I can’t,” your lungs were burning. You couldn’t bring in enough air. “Help,” you pleaded. “Help me.” 

“Are you sure?” Instead of answering you brought her hand to your temple. You closed your eyes. Soon your mind went blank and you fell into a deep sleep. 

*

Four days passed since the nightmare incident, and everyone besides Wanda and Vision knew to stay out of their way. You weren’t talking to Natasha and Yelena, even ignoring Melina when she called. Your blood still boiled every time you thought about what they said. You were cutting into a peanut butter angrily when FRIDAY said, “Miss. Y/n, your presence is being requested at the helipad.” You dropped the knife and ran to the elevator, praying for the metal machine to go faster. When the elevator opened, you were standing in front of Carol. 

“Hi, stranger,” you said, slightly out of breath. Carol chuckled. 

“That’s my line,” she smiled. You hesitated unsure of where she was at. She opened her arms, silently inviting you into a hug. You ran over to her, jumping into her arms. She tensed up slightly but soon relaxed against you. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” she kissed the top of your head. 

“What are you apologizing for?” You asked, stepping back slightly. 

“For hurting you when I had that nightmare, for not being in the med bay when you woke up, for everything,” you smiled, placing a hand on your cheek and moving your thumb against her skin. She leaned into your touch. 

“I had to admit it hurt,” you said. “We are a team and when things get tough we figure it out together.” 

“I could have killed you,” she whispered. 

“And the same thing could have happened if I woke up from a nightmare. I’ve almost broken Alexei’s arm,” she looked down but you forced her to look at you. “We’ve all been through some shit that has affected us but we are stronger together, right?” 

“Right,” she smiled. You moved your hands behind her neck. 

“Can I kiss you?” Her smile grew and she kissed you. You didn’t realize how much you missed kissing her. Her lips were soft against yours and she made your heart beat against your ribs. “Come on,” you said, ending the kiss. “I want to hear all about space. You need to take me up there.” She put her arm around your shoulders, pulling you close. “But wait, I thought you said the mission was going to take a week.” Carol hit the button for the elevator. 

“I got a call from Natasha,” she led you into as the doors opened. “She said I’m needed here more than in space.” 

*

Natasha closed the book she was reading when someone knocked at her door. She sighed, closed her book, and walked over to the door. It was a surprise that you were on the other side. You haven’t spoken to her since you stormed out of med bay which Natasha understood but she wished you could talk to her. “Can I come in?” She nodded, stepping out of the way. Natasha closed the door and sat back on the bed but you didn’t join her. Instead, you crossed your arms and stood by the foot of her bed. “Carol told me you apologized.” Natasha nodded. 

“Yelena and I both did,” you nodded. “I am sorry. You were right. I did what I did for myself and not for you.” Your jaw clenched but you took a deep breath in and slowly let it out. 

“I said some things that day I’m not proud of and I’m sorry,” Natasha knew there was more. “But I’m still mad and I-” you cleared your throat, hugging yourself tighter. “It hurt, Nat, really bad. I feel like I have everything I missed out on; you and Yelena, a family that cares about me, and a girl that likes me.” You looked at her. “Everything you’ve had for years. I have now.” Natasha forced herself to look at you when all she wanted to do was look away and let the tears fall. 

“Sestra, what can I do to make this right?” You sighed. 

“I don’t know,” you said. She felt the wall she built up come crumbling down. “I still love you and Yelena but I need to figure it out. I need to be selfish for once in my life.” Natasha nodded. 

“Of course, we’ll be here,” you nodded, turning to leave but Natasha said your name which caused you to stop. “Sila v pravde (Strength is in truth).” She watched your shoulders shake but you didn’t turn around and walked out of her room, closing the door behind you. It was a phrase that you said to each other when you lived in Ohio. You tried to continue it in the Red Room but Natasha kept her distance. Natasha closed her eyes, expecting the tears to fall but they didn’t. She felt oddly numb. No bruise or broken bone or gunshot could compare to this ache she was feeling. All she wanted was to go back in time and undo what she did. She wanted her sister back. 

Part 2

#Carol Danvers #carol danvers x reader #carol danvers x you #carol danvers x y/n #carol danvers x female reader #yelena belova x natasha romanoff #yelena belova x natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x fem!reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x maria hiill #Maria Hill x Natasha Romanoff #blackhill #Black Widow #black widow sisters #black widow fanfiction #yelena belova #natasha romanoff #Natalia Romanova #natalia romanova x reader #marvel #Marvel AU #marvel fanfiction #wanda maximoff #tony stark

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Life Goes On by Ed Sheeran

Part 2 of Eyes Closed by Ed Sheeran

Summary: For the past year, your mom never left you for long and if she did you would come with her. But now duty calls and you can't go with her. Will she keep her promise of always coming back to you?

Relationships: Maria x daughter!reader, Yelena x niece!reader

Warning: Secret Invasion Spoilers, Major character death, grief, angst with small fluff, guilt, everyone is sad and everyone needs a hug

Word count: 4.7k

“Are you sure you have to go?” You asked for the 100th time as soon as you learned your mom had to go off on a mission. You were lying on her bed, feet dangling over the side as she packed her bag. Without looking, you knew she was suppressing a sigh and pinching the bridge of her nose.

“You know I wouldn’t go if it wasn’t important,” that was her response every time you asked and you believed her. For the past year, Maria refused any mission that would take her away from you. If she needed to travel you went with her or stayed with your grandmother. You traveled to DC, California, and Texas with her. But now you had no idea where she was going. She grabbed your hands and pulled you up to a sitting position, smiling at the pout of your face. “I won’t be gone for long, a month at best, and you’ll get to spend time with your grandma and the Bartons.” That sounded fun especially since your grandmother loved to spoil you but you wanted your mom.

“Why does it have to be you?” You whined. You knew you were acting like a child, throwing a tantrum but you didn’t care. “Why can’t Uncle Nick go?” This time your mom didn’t suppress your sigh. It was a sensitive topic regarding the former director of SHIELD, who took off after Tony’s funeral and ignored all her calls.

“Have you packed?” She deflected your question with one of her own. You nodded with a smile. “Good, I have something for you.” She let go of your hands and opened the drawer of her nightstand. She pulled out a small box and she sat down next to you as you opened it. It was a golden heart-shaped locket. You placed the box next to you and opened it, one side was a picture of you and your moms, and on the other side was a solo picture of just them. You smiled.

“Can you put it on for me?” You asked, handing it to her. She took it and the cold metal was placed around your neck. “Thank you,” you smiled and turned around to hug her. “I love it.” You held onto her tight as she kissed the top of your head.

“I can see the smoke coming out of your ears because you are thinking so hard,” you giggled as she tickled your sides. You rested your head on her lap and looked up at her. She was smiling down at you, patient as you got your thoughts together. With a sigh, you played with the locket.

“Have you heard from Yelena yet?” You asked. That was another wild ride that occurred within the past year. When Clint was spending time with his kids in the city, he somehow got involved with the Tracksuit Mafia, and a Black Widow assassin was hired to kill him. That assassin so happened to be your aunt. He called your mom for help. In the end, Yelena didn’t kill him but she disappeared. You and Maria were trying to get a hold of her as you so desperately wanted to meet her.

“No,” she said. “But she has spoken to Kate a few times,” you liked Kate. She was full of energy and her dog was cute. “She’ll reach out when she’s ready. Black Widows are very special.” She tapped you on the nose.

“Can you tell me the story of you and Mama met again?” It was a story you’d heard thousands of times from Natasha telling it one way and Maria telling it another. It was your favorite story. Maria stole a glance at the clock and you watched the internal debate she was having with herself but she smiled.

“Of course, I can,” she moved so her back was resting on the headboard and your head was still in her lap. “So you know Uncle Clint was supposed to kill your mama but he disobeyed a direct order and gave her a chance to defect to SHIELD,” your mom started. “I didn’t trust her at first and I thought it was a horrible idea to bring her into the organization but your mama,” she sighed but her smile told you she wasn’t sad. “Was persistent and did everything to win me over. She flirted with me every chance she got,” you giggled. If Natasha was here to tell this story, the roles would be reversed. “But I kept my guard up until Fury assigned us to the same mission and she saved my life.” Your mama took a bullet for her. “I sat by her bedside for three days.”

“And when she woke up, you yelled at her.”

“Hey,” she gasped. “Are you telling the story or am I?” You laughed as she tickled your sides. “We didn’t officially get together until she became an Avenger but she,” you frowned as you watched a tear leave her eye and fall down her cheek. With gentle hands, you whipped it away. “She was my best friend.”

“Second to me, right?” You teased and it pulled a deep laugh out of her.

“Oh 100%,” she lay down and cuddled up against you.

“I’m gonna miss you,” she sighed, kissing the top of your head.

“I’m going to miss you too.”

*

You exited the airport with your suitcase in hand and backpack tight on your shoulder. The air in Iowa was so different than the city air. Your mom said it was cleaner. “Hey squirt,” you turned around at your nickname and saw Clint standing by his pickup truck, a sign in his hand with your name on it. The sign was cute but what caught your attention was the one-eyed golden retriever that sat next to him.

“Lucky!” You ran over to them. The sound of his name being called caused the dog to get excited and tug on the leash. He didn’t have to wait long for you to kneel at his level. You dropped your suitcase and wrapped your arms around his neck as he attacked your face with kisses.

“What am I chopped liver?” Clint said, throwing his arms to the side. “I almost died for that dog.”

“Oh, you are so dramatic,” you looked up to see Lila hanging out the passenger window. “Humans like dogs more than people,” you giggled and stood up.

“Hi Uncle Clint,” you said. He stared at you, blinking once then twice.

“You have dog drool all over your face.” He deadpanned. You used your shirt to clean your face before he hugged you.

“I didn’t know you guys had Lucky,” you said, opening the door to the back of the truck. The golden retriever jumped in and followed. Clint helped you with your luggage. Once you were buckled in, you sent a quick text to your mom and grandmother that you were with Clint.

“Just for a few more days,” Lila said. Clint got into the driver’s seat and started the drive back to the farm. “She’s helping Yelena free a few Widows.” You saw Clint glance at you through the mirror. Your mom must have told him of your desperate attempts to meet your aunt.

“So they’ll be here to pick up Lucky?” You scratched the dog underneath his chin.

“Probably just Kate,” Lila said. “Yelena doesn’t come over much. She still has a lot of guilt for you know trying to kill my dad.” You smiled at that but your heart ached. They got to meet Yelena, the one person you could ask what your mam was like in Ohio. Natasha told you about the mission and how the Red Room gave her a loud mouth, annoying blonde of a sister.

‘I think you’d get along with her,’ Natasha said, decorating a cut-out Christmas tree cookie.

‘Yeah?’ You questioned, not looking up as you were very focused on decorating your star with yellow icing. ‘What makes you say that?’

‘You can get anyone to like you,’ she tapped your nose. Her finger was covered with green icing. ‘And you are a great reminder of family. She needs that.’

“So, what’s she like?”

*

You loved spending time with your grandmother. For two weeks, you visited the zoo, bookstores, and the candy store that was right down the road. But you were excited to have people to hand out that were your age. Being at the Bartons also meant you reached the halfway point and you were two weeks closer to your mom being home. You missed her so much. Almost every night, you would speak with her on the phone and if she couldn’t she would send you a text goodnight. You were counting down the days but until then you were having fun with Lila, Cooper, and Nate. You played video games with the eldest, had sleepovers with Lila, and put up with Nate’s crazy games of make-believe. When Kate would come to visit, you would join the archers in the makeshift training area Clint built. But your favorite was driving the four-wheeler, and exploring different parts of the property. Lila and Cooper showed you a fort they built, that not even their parents knew about.

However, Yelena refused to meet you. You caught Kate a few times on the phone with her talking about you. The archer would give you a sorry smile and walk away continuing the conversation. She was desperate to get to know you through other people but refused to meet you. It hurt more than you wanted it to.

*

“You’re going to be gone for another month,” you said, pacing the length of the porch. Your mom sighed.

“Something came up and it’s going to take a little bit longer to clean it up,” you did not like the sound of that. “And I won’t be able to call you as much.” That stopped you from pacing.

“Mom, what’s going on?”

“You know I can’t tell you that,” you sat down on the steps and played with the locket around your neck.

“Right,” you sighed. It aspect of her job was so frustrating. “And your being safe.”

“Yes I am,” you heard shuffling on the other end. She must be lying down. “Just a few bumps and bruises. Enough about me, come on tell me about everything you are doing in Iowa. Are you giving Clint a hard time?” You giggled.

“Always.” Once you were done on the phone, you stayed outside and took the photo out of your pocket. “I’m scared,” you confessed to the photo. “I need her to come home, okay? Please keep her safe.” You heard the front door open but you didn’t bother to turn around to see who it was.

“How are you doing, sweetheart?” Laura asked, sitting down next to you. You rested your head on her shoulder.

“I want her to come home,” the mother of three sighed, wrapping her arm around you and kissing the top of your head.

“I know you do,” she said. “She’ll be home soon.”

Limited contact missions were your less favorite. You would send her good morning and good night texts, and texts throughout the day but she wouldn’t respond for a day or 2 after. You never knew when she was going to respond, it was maddening. The Bartons knew you were upset and they tried to keep you busy - fishing, swimming in the pond, archery practice, and day trips to the nearby town. It was fun but it wasn’t helping the ache you felt in your chest and a nagging worry that grew at the base of your neck. For a week, there was no response to your never-ending stream of texts and your worry only grew.

*

You were in the kitchen, getting an afternoon snack when the house shook. It was the tale sign of a plane visiting the farm. Dropping the apple, you ran to the front. By the time you made it outside, a ramp was lowered and Clint and Laura were waiting to see who would exist. “Hey,” Cooper said, running over to you from the barn. “Is your mom back?” He asked.

“I don’t know,” you heard the front door open.

“Whose here?” Lila questioned. On cue, you watched Nick and your grandmother descend the ramp. Where was your mom? Where was she? You saw Nick speak with Clint and the archer kept glancing over to you, his hand rubbing his face.

“No,” you whispered. “Get off the jet.” You pleaded. “Get off.” But no one else came off. The group of adults began to walk back to the house. Not again. You couldn’t go through this again. The world began to spin around you. You needed to get out of here, you needed to run. So you did. Sprinting towards the barn, you jumped one of the four-wheelers that was left out. The sound of the engine roaring to life drowned out the call of your name. You began to ride, past the pound and into the woods. You were half tempted to never get off because as soon as you would reality would set in. The hard, soul-crushing reality that your mom broke her promise.

You stopped at Lila and Cooper’s fort. Your legs barely could hold you up as you got off the four-wheeler and collapsed into the shelter. No tears fell. Even though you wanted to scream and cry and plead for the universe to give her back. But you were numb. So numb. Why did this keep happening to you? Was it you? Were you to blame for all this death and misery? You were the common denominator for everything; your biological parents left, and Natasha and Maria left. Who was next?

*

“Shit,” her father said, coming to a stop next to Lila. He ran his hand over his face but Lila was more focused on her distraught friend ride off.

“Where is she going?” Lila assumed the woman was your grandmother. She heard you talking to her on the phone.

“We know where she’s going,” We do? Lila thought. “Come on,” he grabbed Lila by her hand and dragged her to the other four-wheeler. Cooper jumped on first and handed her the helmet.

“Cooper,” Lila whispered. “Is Aunt Maria-”

“I don’t know,” he sighed. “God, I hope not. Hold on tight.”

*

You heard the sound of the other four-wheeler turn off and two sets of footsteps approaching the fort. “Mind if we join you?” Lila asked. You didn’t want them to be here. You came out here because you wanted to be alone. They took your silence as an invitation to join, Lila sat next to you and Cooper sat in front of you.

“Dad is going to give you a hard time about riding without a helmet.” Cooper joked. On any other day, it would have made you laugh or smile but you stared down at your lap. Their voices became white noise. You knew they were trying to get you to talk but you couldn’t. You were so angry and sad and scared. There were so many emotions swirling inside you didn’t know which one to focus on.

“You could be a Barton,” Lila said. “And you can come live with us.”

“No,” you finally spoke. “What if I join your family and something happens to your parents?” You looked up at them. “I’m cursed. My biological parents left me, Natasha left me, Maria left me,” finally the tears began to fall, “Everyone leaves me.” You sobbed. Lila pulled you in a hug. You wanted to push against her, scream at her to let you go but you didn’t have the energy to fight her. Instead, you slumped against her and you heard Cooper sit down next to you. He brought you and Lila into a hug.

“It’s going to be okay,” he promised. “You’ll find your place whether it be here or somewhere else.” You weren’t sure if you believed him.

*

“How is she?” Clint asked his wife when she entered the dining room. The plate she brought up with her wasn’t in her hand anymore so he saw that as a good sign. Laura sighed.

“I didn’t get to talk to her,” she sat down next to Clint. A bottle of whiskey was already open and being passed around the three adults. “Cooper is standing guard,” she poured herself a drink. “According to him, she doesn’t want to talk to anyone.” Clint rubbed his head, letting out a sigh of his own.

“What’s going to happen to her?” Elizabeth asked. The archer had only spoken to her a few times on the phone to organize pickups and drop-offs. They never met in person. Clint hated that Maria’s death was the reason they had to meet. It seemed unreal that Maria was gone. For the longest time, she seemed untouchable, unkillable. Life appeared to have other plans. He took a sip of his drink.

“Romanoff and Hill wrote in their will that Clint and Laura were her godparents,” Fury said. “They left it up to the three of you to decide what is best for her.” There was a rage building inside Clint as he stared at Fury. The man ran to space as soon as the funeral was over and was never heard from again. Hell, Maria thought he was dead for how many calls he ignored. Now the man was back and another one of Clint’s closest friends was dead, leaving behind a daughter who lost so much.

“I can take her,” Elizabeth said. “You already have a full house.”

“But it could be good to be around kids her age,” Laura countered. “We are more than happy to keep here.”

“She doesn’t want to go with any of you,” the group turned to see Cooper walking into the kitchen to clean off the dirty dish.

“What do you mean, son?” Clint asked.

“She doesn’t want to be a Barton or live with anyone. She thinks she’s cursed. That if she joins another family something bad will happen to them.” Clint’s heart broke for you. It was so unfair the cards that life had dealt you. You’ve been incredibly strong but how much more could you take?

“What does she want?” Fury asked. Cooper scuffed, crossing his arms as he sent daggers to the most powerful person in this room.

“Cooper,” Clint warned but his son ignored him.

“Did you just ask that?” He asked, walking over to the table. “She wants her mom’s back. But that’s not possible, is it sir?”

*

The house was once again quiet. Elizabeth was staying at a hotel in town until they figured out what to do next. Fury on the other hand took off, not answering where he was headed off to. Clint sat on the couch, a picture of him, Maria, Natasha, and Laura in his hand. It was back in their SHIELD days. They were so young then. Unaware of what life was going to throw at them. Laura sat down next to him, the archer wrapped his free arm around her shoulders. “How are you doing?” She asked.

“Tired of losing people,” he admitted. “I know we signed up for this but it’s so hard.” Laura hummed, resting her head on his shoulder. “I keep thinking it could have been me.”

“But it wasn’t.” No, it wasn’t him at the bottom of Vormir or meeting his end in a foreign country. He even escaped death from a Black Widow assassin. A knock on the door pulled him out of his thoughts. “Are you expecting someone?” Laura whispered, sitting up. Clint shook his head, putting his finger to his lips, and stood up. He grabbed a pistol that he kept in a nearby drawer. Guns weren’t his preferred weapon but his bow wasn’t available. Unlocking the safety, he opened the door.

“Clint Barton,” Yelena smirked. “Are you going to shoot me? After everything we’ve been through.”

“Yelena,” the archer said slowly. He blinked at the blonde in front of him. “What are you doing here?”

“To see my niece,” she simply said. “Where is she?” Yelena walked past him, bumping her shoulder against his. Clint put the safety back on and closed the door.

“Time out,” he set the pistol down as Yelena waved at Laura. “You can’t just barge in here like you own the place and demand to see her.”

“And why is that?” Yelena asked, turning to face him. He could see her clearer now. The Black Widow was wearing her white suit, she must have just returned from a mission. He knew she wasn’t working for Valentina anymore.

“Because you refused to see her for the past few months when she desperately wanted to meet you,” he was trying to keep his voice quiet, not wanting to wake the rest of the house. But he saw the hope leave your eyes every time Kate joined them at the farm without Yelena.

“What has changed?” Laura asked. The blonde looked down at her feet. He could see the guilt eating up at her.

“I wasn’t ready to meet her,” Yelena admitted. “And now she’s lost someone else.” She looked up at Clint. “We both know how uncertain this life is. I’ve wasted enough time.”

“You have.”

“We can’t guarantee she’ll talk to you,” Laura said. “She refused to talk to anyone besides our kids.”

“Thank you,” Yelena sighed. “I appreciate it.”

*

When the door opened, you pulled your eyes away from the Polaroid and locket. “Oh,” Laura said with a smile. “I wasn’t expecting you to be awake.” You weren’t sure how to tell that you couldn’t fall asleep. Every time you closed your eyes, you saw them die over and over again. “There is someone that wants to meet you downstairs.” You refused to move. She sighed and walked over to, sitting on the edge of the bed. “You don’t have to talk to us or your grandmother or even Fury but you need to talk to someone about what you are feeling,” you had nothing to say, everything hurt. But you were curious about who was here.

“Who is it?” You finally spoke. Your voice sounded foreign to you. Laura smiled.

“Your aunt.”

Every step you took your heart was thudding against your ribs. The mixture of grief and nervousness was making you sick to your stomach. Once you entered the living room with Laura by your side, Clint and your aunt stood up from the couch. You stared at the blonde. For the longest time, you created an image in your head of what the blonde was like through stories your mama told you and the way the Bartons and Kate talked about her. As you stared at the woman in front of you, she seemed nervous - a stark contrast to the bad-ass assassin you imagined. “Hi,” her accent was deep.

“Why are you here?” You asked. Your blunt question took the room by surprise. The couple excused themselves, saying that they wanted to give you some space. When they left, you joined Yelena on the couch. But you looked forward, unable to look at her anymore. “Mama told me so many stories about you and I was so excited to meet you. I don’t understand why it took my mom dying,” your voice cracked but you refused to cry in front of her. “For you to come and see me.” The blonde sighed, leaning back into the couch.

“I wasn’t good enough,” she admitted. “You needed someone better, someone that was good.” You glanced at her. She had a far-off look in her eyes. You’ve seen that look before when your mama woke up from a nightmare or had a particularly bad day. You saw a lot of her in Yelena even though they weren’t related by blood.

“Are you good now?” You asked.

“I’m not sure but you need me,” you chuckled and rolled your eyes.

“I don’t need anyone,” you said. “I’m going to be fine on my own,” it was Yelena’s turn to laugh.

“So that’s your plan. You are going to set off by yourself and ignore everyone who loves you. What are you like 10?” Your jaw clenched. “I know exactly what you are doing. You are going to push and push everyone away so you don’t feel this pain again. It won’t work,” you refused to speak so she continued, “That pain will only hurt more.”

“What do you expect me to do?” You snapped, jumping to your feet, and looked at her. “It’s like I was hit by a train, I ran out of words. So tell me how my life goes on with them gone?” You asked, pounding your fist against your chest. “It’s like I’m sinking like a stone and I’m so afraid.” You whispered. Her green eyes softened in a way that your mama and mom would look at you. “Don’t look at me like that, please. I’m cursed.”

“Oh, milaya devushka (sweet girl),” Yelena whispered, catching you in her arms as your legs gave out. She gently rocked you, whispering Russian words in your ear.

“Stop it,” you pleaded. “Stop caring,” you weakly hit against her chest.

“That’s not happening,” you ended the hug but Yelena held onto your hands to keep you from running away. “You are not a curse,” she said it so adamantly that you almost believed her. “What happened to your mamas was not your fault. Unfortunately, they knew the risk when they signed up for this lifestyle. I am so sorry they were taken from you so soon,” you stared at your connected hands. They felt like your parents; warm and calloused.

“What am I supposed to do?” You asked.

“I don’t know but life goes on,” you looked up at her. “They made their choice. We have to live with it.” You weren’t the only one to lose someone. Yelena lost her sister. “I know your gut is telling you to run away and hide but you can not do that.”

“Where am I going to go then?” You loved staying with the Bartons and your grandmother but you knew it was temporary. At the end of the day, your mom would be there to pick you up. Now you weren’t sure where you belonged.

“Well,” Yelena slowly said. “You could come with me.” Her offer shocked you. “I could take you to meet my mama and papa or take you back to the city in Kate’s apartments with Lucky or to Ohio, or Canada, or Mexico. We could go anywhere. As long as you don’t run away.”

“Okay,” she seemed surprised by your sudden approval to drop everything you knew and live with her. You smiled. “What? Did you not expect me to take you up on your offer?”

" I wasn’t sure what was going to happen.”

“Natasha always said that she thought you and I would get along,” you told her. “She dreamed of getting a house for all of us. You, me, Maria, and her so we could all be together and safe,” you let go of one of her hands to wipe away your tears. “Maybe part of her dream can still come true.” Yelena nodded, her green eyes glossy with tears.

“Life goes on,” she repeated. You were experiencing deja vu when your mom told you the same thing. It was a weird feeling and couldn’t repeat it back. Instead, you smiled.

“Can we get a dog?” You asked. Yelena laughed.

“I have one but we can get another.” You were still afraid that another wave was going to knock you off your feet and no matter how hard you swam to the surface, no one was there to grab you. You knew Yelena was watching you intensely. A soft whistle broke the silence of the Barton house. You never thought you’d hear that whistle again. You smiled at your aunt and whistled back. They were both right no matter how many people you lost life unfortunately goes on.

_

Remember when we saw that Maria was going to be in secret invasion and we were all excited then they killed her in EP1. Still not over there but whatever! This will probably be the last part of this little AU unless someone requests one or I think of soething else lol

#maria hill x reader #maria hill x daughter!reader #maria hill x you #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x you #blackhill x daughter!reader #blackhill x you #blackhill x reader #blackhill #natasha romanoff x maria hiill #maria hill x natasha romanoff #clint barton x laura barton #marvel fanfiction #marvel one shot

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Eyes Closed by Ed Sheeran

Summary: Maria wasn't sure what to expect when she turned after being gone for 5 years. But she wasn't ready to learn that her wife is gone and her daughter is now 10 years old. But life goes on.

Warning: death of a major character (it's Natasha), grief, angst with a happy ending, Maria needs a hug, drinking, guilt, fluff

Word count: 4.0k

“Maria!” She heard her name called out and her body was moving before she realized what was happening. She was standing on the sidewalk, chest heaving and the sound of horns blaring.

“What the hell happened?” She asked Fury. There was a crowd forming around them. She hated the amount of eyes on her and the whispers. There were so many whispers.

‘Oh my god!’ ‘Are they back?’ ‘Can I borrow someone’s phone?’ ‘I can’t believe it!’ Before she could run up to a random citizen and demand what they were talking about, a portal opened and she shielded her eyes from the light.

“Maria Hill,” she didn’t know the man in front of her. “We need your help. The fat of the world depends on it.” Maria was not one to hesitate when the answer was to follow him, she never disobeyed a direct order. But she hesitated to join him. She needed to find her family.

“Hill,” she looked at Fury. “Go. I’ll find them.” Maria trusted that he would, she stood by his side enough times to believe him. With a nod, she stepped through the portal.

More portals opened around her as the rest of the Avengers appeared around her. She stood where the compound once stood facing an army. She took her gun from her belt. There were so many questions that raced through Maria’s head but two rang louder than the others - where was Natasha? Where were you?

*     

Every time you tried to step forward your feet remained as if you were glued to the spot. It was over. You won. But at what cost? You stared at the scene in front of you as the ashes of the compound settled. Pepper knelt in front of Tony with Peter and Rhodey around her. You wanted to grab him by his chest, shake him, and scream, ‘Get up! Get up! I can’t lose you.’ But you remained standing where you stood until you heard someone call out your mama’s name. “Natasha! Natasha!” You spun around to see who was calling out of her. Of course, those who were blipped away wouldn’t know. Natasha was gone, sacrificed herself for a stupid orange rock to bring everyone back. To bring the woman who was standing in front of you back. You heard stories about her, scrolled through pictures on Natasha’s phone, and fought tooth and nail to preserve every memory you had of her. It was hard. She said your name so softly but it felt so loud to you.

“Mom,” you whispered back.

  *  

Everyone was surprised when they found out Natasha and Maria were looking to expand their family and adopt. It wasn’t that they thought they’d be bad parents but one was an active Avenger and the other was the Deputy Director. It was dangerous and hard to start a family in their line of work but that didn’t deter them. However, adoptive agencies were a little reluctant to accept them. After months and months of declined applications, they were starting to lose hope. Until they found you. 

In true Avengers-style, the couple found you while on a mission to raid a HYDRA base. It was an easy mission as those that were guarding the base didn’t put up much of a fight. They were clearing out the building when one of the agents called over the coms for assistance from any available female. Natasha and Maria were the closest. When they arrived, the male agent was standing guard by the door. Natasha entered the room while Maria was debriefed. The room was set up as a bedroom and the Black Widow was a little confused about what was wrong until she heard a sound, metal against metal. The sound came from underneath the bed. Natasha hesitated to pull her gun when she saw you, a child no more than 4. “Hi sweetheart,” Natasha smiled and knelt. She heard Maria walk behind her but she kept her eyes on you. Her hands were up to show you she had no weapons. “You're safe,” Natasha whispered. “We won’t hurt you.” You hugged your knees closer to your chest. 

“We can take that off of you,” Maria said, pointing to the metal chain around your ankle. Your eyes were wide and scared as they flickered from Maria and Natasha. Soon you crawled out from underneath the bed. The dress you wore came to your knees and it was caked in dirt. Carefully, Natasha moved closer to you and used a bobby pin to undo the metal chain. Once it was off, your legs couldn’t hold up your weight anymore and you fell into the Black Widow’s arms. She lifted you with ease, not liking how light you felt in your arms. 

“You're safe,” Natasha whispered, looking at Maria who moved to stand next to her. The agent ran her hand over your hair and down your back. “You're safe.” 

*    

Maria held open the front door of the apartment you used to call home. It hadn’t been touched since Natasha brought you here before turning to the Avengers’ compound. There was a vague memory of the Black Widow resting you on the counter as she ran around the apartment to pack a bag. The pictures you drew were still on the fridge. Maria gently closed the door behind her. “We’ll have to go shopping for a new bed and clothes for you,” Maria said. “But we can do that tomorrow.” You nodded, picking up a framed photo that was left on the counter. It was of you, Maria, and Natasha when you were younger. The three of you were eating ice cream, with big smiles, and ice cream all over your face. Life seemed so simple back then. “Tonight you can sleep in our,” you looked at her. “My bed,” she corrected herself. “You can sleep in my bed and I’ll take the couch.”

“No,” you said, placing the photo face down on the counter. “I mean I can take the couch. I don’t mind.” Maria shook her head, walking over to you.

“It’s okay,” she forced a smile. “It’s only for one night.” She placed a hand on your shoulder and then on your cheek. Her touch felt foreign. “I can’t believe how big you’ve gotten.”

“5 years,” you whispered. “It’s been a while.” Maria nodded. You didn’t miss the way her eyes turned glossy with tears but quickly went away.

“Yeah it has but we’ll be okay,” you weren’t sure if you were okay. There was an ache growing in your chest. Each time you took a breath in it hurt. You wanted your mama back. “Why don’t you go get changed into something more comfortable and I’ll figure out dinner?” You nodded. “You still like cheese pizza.” A smile crept to your face.

“Yeah, I love it.” Natasha was surprised by how much pizza you could keep down. You turned around to walk toward the direction of your room but you stopped. Maria had a point all the clothes in there you outgrew and the clothes you had were destroyed when Thanos attacked the compound. You sighed and opened the door to Maria’s room.

The room, like the rest of the apartment, lay untouched for the past 5 years. You ran your hand over the made bed as you walked to the closet. It was like you were standing in a time capsule. In the closet, you picked out a shirt and a pair of sorts that you had to roll up to fit you. Instead of returning to the kitchen, you sat on the ground, back against the bed. With your knees bent, you rested your arms on them. You tried to keep the memory of her arms around you before she stepped onto the platform, or the last time she kissed your forehead, or the last time she told you she loved you.

“Why did you do it?” You asked about the empty room. “Why did you have to leave me?”

  * 

Maria grabbed a beer from the fridge, ignoring the artwork that decorated it. She ignored the photo you flipped over and every other photo that decorated the space as she sat on the couch. 5 years. She and so many others were gone for 5 years. The last time she saw you you were 5. You were 5 and Maria left you with her mother to go help Fury when Thanos snapped his fingers and half of Earth’s population was Blipped away. Maria leaned back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling.

After Tony’s funeral, Maria found Clint at the property’s edge and made him tell her everything that she missed. His entire family got taken and he became the Ronin to deal with the loss. Then the time heist and the sacrifice needed for the stone. For 5 years, Natasha led the remaining Avengers to keep the world in order and raised you. When the time came, Natasha gave her life for her family to come back.

Maria should have been there to fight in Wakanda, to help raise you, and to remind Natasha every day that she loved her. Taking a sip of the beer, she looked around the apartment. It was her idea to get a place away from the Avengers so they could be a family and give you a normal childhood. Natasha fell in love with the place because of the open floor plan and the balcony that overlooked the city. The way her face lit up when Maria handed her the keys will live on in her memory forever. They danced in the kitchen with no music just the two of them. Maria closed her eyes, draping her arm over her face. Everywhere she looked she saw her. Her best friend. Her lover. Her wife. Natasha was gone. Life was so unfair but it must go on.

*   

They said time would heal all wounds. That even the deepest feelings of sadness, disappointment, and anger would gradually go away as time passed. But you believed they couldn’t be more wrong. With each passing day, the ache grew and grew. All you wanted was to be wrapped in your mama’s arms to be safe and happy. If only you could press rewind and stop her from going with the others.

You knew that meant Maria and everyone else wouldn’t be back or worse Uncle Clint wouldn’t be with his family. That made you feel guilty. It wasn’t like you weren’t happy that Maria was back. You were but you wanted to keep her at arm's length away. Your heart couldn’t handle more loss. There were times Maria wasn’t sure how to act around you. She would forget that you weren’t 5 years old but you were a preteen that could do things for yourself. It was a delicate dance you were performing and you were just so tired.

 *

“She hates me, Clint,” Maria said, glancing in the direction of your room. You went to bed early, claiming you weren’t hungry. So Maria made a plate for you and put it in the fridge if you changed your mind. The archer chuckled. “I’m being serious. It’s like we are walking on eggshells around each other.” She took a bite of her dinner but it tasted bitter in her mouth. She forced herself to shallow and through the rest of the food away. She poured herself a shot instead. Clint sighed.

“She doesn’t hate you,” he said. “It’s gonna take time for you both to find a routine.” Maria sat down on the bar stool taking another shot. It was probably a bad idea but a few shots might help ease this pain. It had been 4 months since she turned and in those 4 months, the pain never got easier. “You have to remember that Nat was all she had for 5 years.”

“Yeah,” Maria took another shot. “I missed 5 years.”

“You're a good mom, Hill,” Clint said. “Nat wouldn’t shut up about it.” She could hear the smirk in his voice and it made her laugh. When was the last time she laughed? “I’m so sorry, Maria. If I stopped her or convinced her, your family would be whole.” She closed her eyes, feeling her throat burn as she tried to keep her tears away. One managed to escape and she allowed it to all down her cheek.

“Then your family would have a hole too,” it was almost comically at the situation she found herself in. The Bartons were her family. Laura and Clint saved her life countless times while on missions for SHIELD. “You know how stubborn Natasha...,” she paused. “Was.” She heard the hitch in Clint’s breathing. “She had a reason for everything.”

“That she did,” he sighed. “If you need anything you call me, okay? Day or night. You aren’t alone.”

“Same to you,” Another short was poured. “Give my love to Laura and the kids. We’ll come out to visit soon.” They said their goodbyes and hung up. The apartment was once again quiet as she downed the shot and walked over to her bedroom. Flickering on the light, the bed lay untouched. She couldn’t bring herself to sleep in it. There were too many memories locked away in these walls. She would come in here, change quickly, and leave just as fast. Tonight would be no different. She changed into one of Natasha’s sleeping shirts and a pair of shorts. Instead of leaving, her eyes glanced at a photo on her nightstand. It was of her and Natasha at one of Tony’s parties, the lights from the fireworks glowing on their face. She was pretty sure Pepper took the photo. “It’s been a while, my dear,” Maria whispered, tracing Natasha’s face with her fingers. “I’m still holding back these tears dealing with the cards life dealt,” she looked away from the picture and towards the bedroom door. “Delusion is here again and I think you’ll come home soon. I can’t help but miss you.” She placed the photo back in its spot and walked back into the living room.

She grabbed the bottle of vodka and sat back on the couch, taking a sip instead of pouring a shot. She felt so alone even though Clint said she wasn’t. She didn’t know how to be a mother to you or live her life without the woman she loved by her side. Finally, the dam broke and Maria allowed herself to cry.

*

You woke up, gasping for air. The blanket you used was drenched with sweat. It was the same nightmare that plagued your mind for months - Clint returned without Natasha, the compound exploded, and Thanos killed Tony, Maria, and everyone that you loved. It was torture. After a few deep breaths, your heart calmed down. You expected to be welcomed by the quiet apartment but you heard crying. On quiet feet, you slipped out of bed, out of your room, and passed the open door of Maria’s room. That was another surprise. For the past 4 months, the door was closed. In the living room, you saw Maria on the couch. Her hand over her mouth to muffle the sound of her tears. But you saw how much her body was shaking as each heart-wrenching sob tore through her. You’ve never seen her cry, not at the funeral or on nights when you got up to use the bathroom and she was still awake. Was she holding it in for your sake?

The floor creaked underneath you and Maria spun around to face you. She seemed startled by your sudden appearance. “Hi,” her voice shook as she forced a smile. “I’m sorry if I woke you.” She whipped away her tears. “Are you okay? Do you need something?” Wordlessly, you walked over to her and without hesitation, you hugged her. You felt her tense up but soon she wrapped her arms tightly around you.

“I miss her so much,” you cried against her, letting your tears fall. Almost every night you cried and muffled the sound with your pillow.

“So do I, sweet girl,” Maria whispered. She shifted you so you were sitting down next to her but her arms never left you. You felt her tears as she burrowed her face in your hair. You just didn’t lose your mom. Maria lost her best friend, her life partner. You were so selfish, lost in your pain and grief you never bothered to reach out to her.

“I’m sorry,” you said. “I’m - I’m so -so sorry,” Maria forced you to look at her but kept you within arms reach. “I’ve been a horrible daughter to you. I wasn’t the only one to lose her and you kept trying to connect with me and I kept pushing you away. I’m so sorry mom,” You fell into her arms again, and each sob you let out shook your body.

“Sweetheart,” Maria whispered, cradling your head and gently rocking you from side to side. “It’s okay. It’s okay. We’re okay, I promise.” She whispered gentle reassuring into your ear until your violent sobs turned into quiet hiccups but you refused to let go of her. Maria sensed your hesitation to let her go so she lifted you with ease and carried you to her room. She gently sat you on the bed. You let go of her. “I’ll be right back,” she said.

“Promise?” You questioned. She smiled and this time it wasn’t forced.

“I promise, carina (sweetheart), she kissed the top of your head and you watched her leave the room. For the past 4 months, you wanted to be alone. You pushed and pushed Maria away and enjoyed the silence of your room. Now you hated being alone. You picked at the skin around your thumb as you waited and only stopped when she returned, holding two water bottles and a cloth. She placed the water on the nightstand and sat in front of you. You crossed your legs to give her more space. With gentle hands, she used the cloth to wipe the tears off your face. The silence was comfortable unlike before when it was tense and awkward. Once she was done, she handed you the water. “You have nothing to apologize for, mjia,” she said when you were done drinking. “I get it. For 5 years, Natasha was,” You cringed at the past tense usage for your mama. “All you had. She was the one there.” You heard the guilt that laced each one of her words. It wasn’t her fault. It was Thanos. You took your hand in hers. “The last time I saw you you were a spunky pain in my ass 5 year old,” you giggled. “I’m surprised you remembered me.”

“Of course I remember you,” you said. “Mama would tell me stories about you and her during your SHIELD days. But I started to remember the moments that we shared. We colored and watched Scooby-Doo and ate cheese pizza until I got sick.” Maria laughed, whipping away a tear that fell. “I was just scared.” You admitted.

“Why?” You sighed, looking at things around the room. You looked at everything except the woman in front of you.

“I don’t want to lose you too,” you said. “I watched Uncle Clint return without Mama, Uncle Tony died from his injuries, and Uncle Steve went back in time to be with Peggy. Everything is changing, nothing is the same except the truth is everyone is gone.”

“And life goes on.” Finally, you looked at her. She was staring at your connected hands.

“Yeah, life goes on.” You whispered. “But you are here and I’m here, right? And you won’t leave.” It was an impossible request as you knew she was still an active agent and Avenger.

“I will always come back home to you,” she compromised. You nodded, rubbing your eyes with your free hand. Maria smiled. “Come on let’s get some sleep.” Without thinking, you pulled back the covers and got comfortable. You didn’t miss the way Maria rolled her eyes. When she turned off the overhead light, you turned on the night light. “Move over,” she said. “I forgot how much of a bed hog you are.” You laughed, moving over to make space, and turned off the light. For the first time in a long time, the darkness didn’t scare you.

“Goodnight Mom,” you said. “I love you.”

“I love you too sweetheart,” you smiled, turned your back to Maria, and closed your eyes. But you waited to fall asleep. Maria tossed and turned, sighing a few times soon she fell asleep. She had to be exhausted. Quietly, you sat up and stared at her. It took a moment for your eyes to adjust to the low light but you looked at your mom’s features. It was the most peaceful you’ve seen her. With a sigh, you fished a picture out of your pant pocket. The picture went everywhere with you, even in the dark you knew every detail of it. One night at the compound, you found a Polaroid camera and you figured it was Wanda’s. As Natasha was making dinner, you ran over to her and threw your arm over her shoulders to take the picture. It was blurry, and a little out of focus, and your mama had flour all over her from making pizza but it was perfect.

“Watch over us, okay?” You whispered to the picture. “And keep mom safe. Please. I love and miss you, Mama.” You kissed the photo and slipped it back into your pocket. You stayed awake, hands behind your head, and stared up at the dark ceiling. Everything reminded you of her and you felt a lump form in your throat. Over the past 5 years, the best memories you had with Natasha were late-night talks on the roof. She told you stories of the stars, about her past, and her hope for the future.

‘I think I want to move out of New York,’ she said one night. She was staring up at the stars like always while you sipped on hot chocolate. 

‘Really?’ You questioned, setting the mug down and wrapping the blanket tighter around you. ‘And go where?’ 

‘Anywhere,’ she whispered. ‘When your mom and your aunt come back. I’m going to take all of us away from this. I’m done,’ she leaned back on her hands. ‘A nice house with a lot of land so we could get a dog or a cat.’ You always wanted a dog. ‘Kind of like what Clint did with his family. So we can be together, safe, and happy.’

‘Promise?’ You found yourself asking. Finally, she looked at you. Green eyes locked onto yours. 

‘Yeah,’ she smiled. ‘I promise.’ 

You turned back on your side, tears running down your cheek. “Why did you break your promise?” You whispered, closing your eyes. You squeezed them so tight color danced behind your eyelids. Every tear you shed you tried to keep it down, not wanting to wake your mom. But you heard her shift in her sleep and pull you into her arms. Now your head rested on her chest while her hand drew circles on your back.

“I got you,” she mumbled, voice laced with sleep. “I promise. I got you.” Promise. A promise was a declaration or assurance that one would do a particular act or that a particular thing would happen. But what was a promise if you feared it would be broken?

_

Part 2 (coming soon)

#natasha romanoff x maria hiill #blackhill #blackhill x reader #blackhill x daughter!reader #blackhill x daughter #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x daughter!reader #maria hill x you #maria hill x reader #maria hill x daughter!reader #marvel au #blackhill angst

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Safe. You are safe.

This is part of the Older Sister AU of Yelena and Natasha. This was requested from a comment on my AO3. 

Summary: After returning to the compound from a solo mission to free a Widow, you are badly injured. But as a Widow injury means punishments and you can’t afford to be punished because who will protect your sisters if they kill you. 

Warnings: mention of past sexual abuse, mention of past physical abuse, PTSD, dissociation, injuries from a mission, mention of trauma from Red Room 

Word Count: 2.8k 

You were sloppy. You made a mistake and it costed you. You snuck back into your room and closed the door. You needed to deal with it before someone found out. Injuries meant you weren’t good enough, that someone was better than you. You grabbed the first aid kit you had in your room for situations like this. You took your tactical suit off, leaving you in your white tank top and boy shorts. Well your tank top was mostly white, a red spot was forming on your stomach. It was the worst injury you obtained. The Widow wasn’t the only one you had to fight, her handlers were reluctant to let her go. Your ribs were bruised, you most likely had a concussion, the Widow stabbed you in the thigh, and you knew you had cuts and bruises. If it wasn’t for the serum, you would have bleed out on the ride back to the compound. The AI already asked if the medical team should be notified but you declined. No one could know. No one could know you were weak. Weakness meant death and you couldn’t be killed; you had to keep up your end of the deal. If you were killed, who would watch out for Yelena and Natasha? Dreykov could get his hands on them. You couldn’t allow that. Your heart began to pound, you could hear it. The organ was beating against your ribs. Thud. Thud. Thud. Your hands were shaking. You had to calm down or you couldn’t stitch yourself up. You heard your door open. How did they find out? You felt sick. They were going to drag you away. Their words weren’t reaching you but you felt hands on you. “No, please.” You pleaded. “I’ll do better. I promise.”

*

Yelena walked from a training session with Sam to your room after the AI informed her of your return. You used the compound as your halfway point, if the Widow was based in the US, before heading back to St. Petersburg. Yelena had to admit she was worried every time you went away on an assignment. But you were the best for a reason. Yelena knocked on your door before entering. “FRIDAY said you were-” the sentence died on her lips as she saw the state you were in. The gunshot wound on your stomach was her main concern. Yelena said your name but you made no indication that you heard her. Yelena ran over to you. “We need to get you to medbay.” You were staring at her but you didn’t move. “Sestra,” Yelena said, grabbing onto your arms. You flinched. 

“Pozhaluysta net (No, please),” Yelena was surprised you slipped into your native tongue. You began thrashing around. 

“Stop or you're gonna hurt yourself.” Yelena said, trying to stop you. But you were stronger than her. 

“YA sdelayu luchshe. Obeshchayu (I’ll do better. I promise.).” 

“FRIDAY, tell Natasha I need her.” Yelena said to the AI. “Tell her it’s important.” The AI agreed to her request and it didn’t take long for Natasha and Maria to appear. 

“What’s-” she stopped. Yelena looked behind her. “Get away from her.” 

“But-”

“Yelena, now.” Natasha ordered. Yelena let go of you. You immediately stopped moving but your eyes were darting around the room. “Vdova, vozderzhis' (Widow, restrain).” You got up to lay down on your back and put your hands above your head. Natasha walked over to your nightstand and pulled out a pair of handcuffs. She cuffed you to the headboard. Yelena saw your body relax. “Maria, I need you to get Cho and get a sedative. Take Yelena with you.” 

“Of course. Come on Yelena.” Yelena wanted to protest and stay with her sisters but she saw in Natasha’s eyes there was no room for argument. Yelena sighed and followed Maria. 

*

Natasha waited for Maria and Yelena to be out of ear shot and looked back at you. Your eyes were cloudy, still lost in whatever scenario your mind was creating. “Mission report,” she ordered you. She hated it. It made her skin crawl and stomach turn. “In English.” Natasha added. She watched your face morph in confusion at the request. 

“My intel was incorrect,” you said. The coldness of your voice caused a chill to go down her spine. It was a voice she remembered you used in the Red Room. “I was only expecting the Widow but her handlers and other members of the organization were there. I exposed the Widow to the dust but was injured in the process.” You paused. “I accept any punishment as you see fit.” Natasha’s heart broke. 

“Oh sestra,” Natasha mumbled as Maria and Yelena came back with Helen. Maria handed Natasha the sedative. “Rest, Widow.” She said, injecting the needle into your arm. Natasha saw the panic in your eyes. You pulled at the handcuffs. “Widow, calm down.” Helen walked over to your other side and helped Natasha hold you down. 

“Please,” you pleaded. “I’ll be better. Just don’t hurt them. Please.” Natasha wasn’t sure who you were referring to. 

“They will be safe,” Natasha said. You nodded and your body relaxed as your eyes closed. “Can you stretch her up here?” She asked the doctor. “I don’t think moving her is a good idea.” Helen nodded. 

“Understood. I’ll come get you when I’m done.” Natasha nodded. She looked at Yelena and her girlfriend. Her sister’s eyes were wide. 

“Let’s go to my room, okay?” Yelena slowly nodded. The walk to her room was quiet, a heavy silence was resting with the trio. Natasha opened her door and they walked in. She kept her door open for Helen so she could find them when she was done. Yelena sat down on her bed and looked down at her hands, playing with the rings on her fingers. Maria grabbed Natasha’s hand and squeezed it. 

“Do you want me to stay?” She asked. 

“Stay,” Natasha whispered. Maria smiled. The Black Widow let go of her hand and sat next to Yelena. “Can you look at me?” It took a minute for Yelena to look at Natasha. “Did she hurt you?” Her eyes widened. 

“No!” Yelena said. “She would never hurt me or you.” Natasha nodded as Maria sat down in a spar chair Natasha had in her room. 

“I know she wouldn’t not intentionally but in that state you never know what may have happened.” She caught Maria nodding. “Do you remember when we first came to America you had really intense nightmares?” Yelena nodded. The youngest was only in Red Room for 4 years. 4 years was too long but Natasha knew it could be worse. “Well, Widows like me and your sister experience something similar.” 

“Widows that were in the Red Room longer than me.” Yelena said. Natasha nodded. 

“Sometimes our minds tell us we are still back there and our body reacts to it.” 

“She thought she was back in the Red Room,” Yelena whispered. “But why didn’t she go to med bay? She could have died.” 

“You're right but she was trained to believe getting hurt on a mission was a failure that she would get punished. So she hid it.” Yelena didn’t say anything, letting what her sister said sit with her. 

“Were you like that?” Yelena finally asked. Natasha did her best to hide the parts of herself that were damaged from her sister. She had to be the strong one. She was the older sister. The first year while she was with SHIELD she still used the handcuffs to help her sleep. 

“She was,” Maria said. “She’d give me, Fury, and Barton a heart attack.” Natasha gave Maria a small smile. She knew she wasn’t easy to deal with. Yelena frowned. 

“I remember the handcuffs,” she said softly. “They used them on us right before we left.” Natasha still had a pair in her nightstand. “Is she going to be okay?” “It just takes time. She was with the Red Room longer than us and she’s only been free for a few months.” 6 months to be exact. A knock interrupted their conversation. 

“Can I come in?” Helen asked. Natasha nodded. The doctor entered. “She’s stable. The bullet went straight through. Her ribs are bruised and she had a stab wound on her thigh. They’ve been stitched up but the serum is doing a good job at healing her.” She sighed. “The sedative will keep her out for a few hours and I highly recommend you bring her to med bay. She has a lot of wounds that I would like to look over.” Natasha nodded. She knew Melina was patching you up. 

“Thank you Helen.” The doctor nodded. 

“Of course. Let me know if you need anything.” She left Natasha’s room, closing the door behind her. Natasha looked at Yelena. 

“I need you to stay out of her room till she wakes up and I know it's safe.” Natasha expected her to argue but Yelena sighed. 

“Okay.”

*

You opened your eyes, blinking a few times to clear your vision. You felt groggy. Your head was pounding. You tried to sit up but couldn’t. The familiar sound of handcuffs rattled in your room. You pulled on them. You heard your name and you saw Natasha. “Nat.” Your throat was dry. Gods, you needed water. 

“Did you know where you are?” She asked. What kind of question was that? You rested your head back on your pillow. 

“My room in Avenger’s compound,” You licked your lips. “In New York.” 

“Okay, I’m going to take these off.” You nodded as you watched Natasha unlock the cuffs and set them on your nightstand. You sat up, rubbing your sore wrist. “Here, Cho said for you to take this.” She handed you a glass of water and a pill. You took the pill and downed the water. You sat in an awkward silence. Both unsure of where to start. Natasha sighed. “Do you remember what happened?” She finally asked. You weren’t sure. You completed the mission; exposing the Widow to the Red Dust and sending her to the safe house. She insisted you come with her but your only thought was getting to the compound. You touched where you got shot. It flooded back to you like a tidal wave. 

“Yelena. Did I-I didn’t hurt her, right?” Natasha shook her head. That was a relief. 

“She’s more worried than anything.” Natasha sat on the foot of her bed. You appreciated the space. “Do you want to talk about it?” She seemed unsure of herself. You didn’t answer and stared at the scars on your wrist. The indent of metal handcuffs, a reminder of what you went through and where you came from. 

“Talking doesn’t seem like your style, Natalia.” You whispered. Natasha huffed. 

“Well, I’m all you got,” she said. “I’m the only one in this compound that knows what you went through.”

“You don’t know what I went through,” you said, looking up at her. “You know some of it but after you left,” you looked back down. “It became worse.” 

“I didn’t ask you to make a deal with him. As soon as we reentered the Red Room, we weren’t sisters.” You looked back at her. 

“Then why am I here if we aren’t sisters?” You asked. “We could have never spoken again after the Red Room was destroyed. But yet here I am,” You shook your head. “As soon as you were assigned that mission you and Yelena are my sisters. The mission ended but that didn’t. He would have killed you, Nat.”

“Just don’t hurt them,” Natasha mumbled. You remember saying that. “That was about us.” 

“What’s the point of this?” You asked. “He told you what he made me do.”

“To get you to talk to me!” She said. “It took me years to stop the behaviors the Red Room taught me and you were there for so much longer.” She sighed. “I almost died on a mission because of them.” She admitted. “I won’t let that happen to you. So, yes, emotions and feelings aren’t my thing but I’ve learned a lot from you and Yelena. If I can do one thing for you, let me be the strong one.” You blinked at the person in front of you. It took you back to sharing a room in the Red Room where you helped treat her wounds after she said she was fine. When you asked if she asked if she was okay but she ignored you. She’s changed. No, she’s healed. It was a beautiful site. You touched your cheek and felt a tear. When was the last time you cried? You weren’t sure. At some point, you couldn’t feel the beatings. 

“Sometimes my mind tells me I’m still there,” you whispered. “That I’m still in debt to him and all of this,” you motioned around your room. “Is just a dream and I’ll wake up back underneath him.” Your lip trembled. “I’ve gotten hurt dealing with Widows before this was different.” 

“How?” You sighed, bringing your knees to your chest. 

“They almost killed me. But the way they held me down I was back in the Red Room,” you brought your right hand to your mouth and bit down on your nail. “Dreykov was very selective on who got to use me. I was his special little spider.” The name tasted like poison in your mouth. “Some diplomat came to talk to him and as a show of good faith he got me for a day.” Natasha had an excellent poker face. It was why the instructors adored her but right now she was livid. There was a fire in her eyes. “He almost killed me but I fought back.”

“Is he dead?” Natasha asked. You smiled. 

“Yeah, I think another Widow was assigned the hit.” You told her. You looked up at her. “How did you do it? How do you leave them behind?” She sighed, taking your hand in hers. 

“You don’t fully. They are still here like a nagging in the back of your head. I have a pair of handcuffs in my nightstand.” You smirked. 

“Just in case you and Maria want to get kinky.” Natasha’s cheeks turned a bright red. She pushed you on the shoulder and you fell backwards. You laughed, a deep laugh that left you breathless. You whipped a few tears away from your eyes. 

“Suka,” Natasha mumbled. “But seriously, you just heal with time and you have us.” You smiled. 

“Thank you, sestra.” 

“Always. Now Yelena wants to see you. Are you okay with that?” She asked. You nodded. “FRIDAY, tell Yelena she can come in.” It wasn’t long before your door slowly opened and Yelena walked in. You smiled and held open your arms. She ran into your arms and you held her tight, feeling some tears on your skin. 

“I’m sorry I worried about you.” she shook her head, pulling out of the hug.

“It wasn’t your fault. I talked to Nat and I know what to do if it happens again.” You gave Natasha a grateful smile. “Did Natasha tell you Helen wants to see you? She’s worried about a few past injuries.” You groaned. 

“I’ll go see her later,” you told them. “Can we just spend some time together?” You asked. Yelena nodded excitedly. 

“We can start the Star Wars movies. I showed them to Steve.” You smiled. 

“Should we get snacks?” You gave your best puppy eyes to Natasha. She rolled her eyes with a smile. 

“Popcorn and water.”

“Pepsi, please!” Yelena said. Natasha sighed. 

“Fine, queue up the movie.” She stood up and left your room. Yelena grabbed the remote and put the movie up. You got comfortable and watched your youngest sister. She was playing with the rings on her fingers. You noticed she did it when she was anxious or something was on her mind. 

“She hid a lot from me,” she must be referring to Natasha. “I didn’t see how Natasha handled what the Red Room did to her.” She looked back at you. 

“She wanted to protect you,” you told her. “We can get violent in that state.” You’ve woken up from punching Alexei and you’ve attacked Melina. Yelena huffed. 

“I’m tired of people protecting me.” You pulled her into a hug. 

“Well get used to it, malen'koye solnyshko (little sun),” You said. “You're the baby.” You pinched her cheeks. She swatted your hand away but you didn’t miss the smile on her face. 

“I got popcorn, drinks, and I stole Sam’s candy,” Natasha said, closing your door. She handed out the drinks and snacks. You and your sisters got comfortable on your bed. Natasha rested her back against your headboard. Your head was in her lap and Yelena laid at the foot of your bed. You enjoyed the movie but this time them was even better.

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[arlana-likes-to-write]

Resolved

Part 2 of Accidents Happen

Summary: Natasha hated this. She wanted to go back to the before the fight. But when a mission takes her out of the compound her mind is all over the place and that cost her. 

Warnings: kidnapping, torture, dissocation, injuries, gun shot wounds, mission gone wrong, guilt

Word count: 5.1k 

“Romanoff, are you listening to me?” Natasha heard her girlfriend through the com she was wearing. 

“Yes, Hill,” Truth be told, she was not listening to anything she was saying. Her mind was not on the current mission. She and Maria were tasked with following the White Moths, a growing drug trafficking group located on the southern border of Russia. But the drugs they were producing were sending high school students into comas. Fury wanted to observe where they were getting their supply and if they could steal some of the drugs so Helen could develop a cure.  

It was an important mission. Parents were worried sick wondering if their children were going to wake up. Her heart broke for those families but her mind was all over the place. “Do I need to pull you?” Maria asked. 

“No, I’m fine,” she needed a distraction and this mission provided her a way out of the compound. She hated walking on eggshells around you because she didn’t know how to act. Natasha sighed, resting her chin on top of her knee as she watched through her binoculars. She wanted to go back to movie nights, early morning training, and making a mess in the kitchen. She made a mistake, a horrible mistake, and she just wanted her sister back. 

The pinch on her neck startled her out of her thoughts. She barely registered the silhouette of the person standing in front of her or Maria’s voice. Black spots covered her eyes and her world went black.

*

Her vision was blurry when she came to. It took a minute for her eyes to adjust to the low light than the panic set in. Her arms were chained above her head and her legs were attached to the wall. The black tactical suit she was wearing was pulled down to her hips. The white bra was the only thing that covered her chest. She tested the strength of the chains but they didn’t move. She tried to keep the panic rising through her. She could get out of this. 

The door opened and a man walked in, wearing a red suit and black gloves. Two other men followed him in. Natasha didn’t like the way he smiled at her. “Hello beautiful,” his English accent took her by surprise. “How are you?” Natasha didn’t answer. “I like a challenge,” he grabbed a knife from one of the other men in the room. “A beautiful, strong challenge,” he put the knife in front of her and she stared at her reflection. “What do you want with us, little Widow? You answer that and we’ll let you go.” Natasha glared at him. He sighed. “Very well,” she felt the burn as he dragged the tip of the knife down her stomach. She didn’t make noise. She was a Black Widow, an Avenger, and one of the best students the Red Room produced. The pain was second nature to her. She didn’t realize it was happening. Her vision went blurry and the room was filled with white noise. She was here but wasn’t. It was how she was going to survive this - a waiting game, a test of will. A game she was going to win. 

*

“Steve should add kneading dough to our arm workout,” Yelena said, whipping her forehead with her forearm. A trail of flour was left on her skin. 

“You got something right here,” Sam licked a towel and tried to wipe the flour off her face but Yelena pushed him away. You laughed, shaking your head at her. You didn’t miss the smile on her face at the sound. It was a weird dance you were doing with them. You haven't said ‘I forgive you’ to them even though a part of you wanted to so everything could go back to normal. Then there was the much louder part that was telling you to keep your forgiveness quiet, to let it sink in how much it hurt, that was the part that was winning.  

“Alright, try to throw it,” Wanda said, looking over your shoulder. You set the rolling pin down. Wanda convinced you, Vision, Sam, and Yelena to make homemade pizza. It didn’t take much convincing as it seemed Wanda could ask anything from the group and they would say yes. You floured your hands and picked up the dough, allowing gravity to stretch it out. When you determined it was stretched out enough, you closed your right hand into a fist and rested the dough on top of your hand. You weren’t feeling very confident as you threw the dough into the air and caught it. “Great job!” Wanda praised, clapping her hands. You did it a few more times before placing the dough back onto the counter.

 “That was well done,” Vision said. You smiled at the android when hurried footsteps entered the kitchen. 

“We are having an emergency meeting,” the active Avengers looked at each other and washed their hands before they left for the conference room. You sighed, placing your hands on your hips as you looked at the mess in the kitchen. “Leave it,” Steve said as you began to clean up. “We need you in this meeting.”

“I’m not an Avenger,” you said, wetting a towel to start cleaning the counter. 

“Y/n,” you looked at Steve, he was frowning. “It’s Natasha,” your stomach dropped. “She’s been kidnapped.” 

*

‘Natasha,’ she opened her eyes at the sound of her name. She was outside, staring at the play set in the backyard at the house in Ohio. She frowned, looking at the house behind her. Alexei and Melina were on the porch. The Russian super soldier was cooking on the grill while Melina was reading a book. The older Widow looked at her and waved, she slowly waved back. ‘Natasha,’ her name was called again. She saw you and Yelena sitting on a picnic blanket. You were playing your guitar and Yelena was coloring. ‘Why are you just standing there?’ 

‘I don’t know,’ she admitted, sitting down next to you. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Coloring,’ the blonde held up her picture. There were 5 people and a dog drawn on the piece of paper. It was poorly drawn but Natasha could make out her blue hair. ‘It’s our family! This is Mommy and daddy,’ she pointed to the two taller people. ‘Then me, you, Y/n, and our dog, Fanny.’ A dog? When did they get a dog?

‘It looks great, malen'koye solnyshko (little sun),’ you said. Yelena smiled at the praise. Natasha didn’t miss the concern on your face. 

‘Girls, dinner is ready,’ Yelena stood up and ran over to the porch with the drawing in her hand. She showed Melina, bouncing on the balls of her feet. Melina smiled as she looked at the picture. 

‘Are you okay, Natalia?’ You asked, standing up and swinging the guitar on your back. She looked up at you. 

‘What year is it?’

‘1997,’ you answered, tilting your head to the side. ‘Did you hit your head or something?’ Natasha shook her head.  

‘No, just tired,’ she picked up the markers and leftover paper that Yelena didn’t bother to clean up and she stood up. 

‘I was thinking,” you said as you both walked back to the house. ‘Melina and Alexei got that new horror movie. We could watch it once Yelena goes to bed.’

‘Yeah, that’s-’ Her words died on her lips and she dropped the art supplies onto the grass. You didn’t realize she stopped whatever you were saying wasn’t reaching her. The world around her began to blur. A gasp left her mouth, and she grabbed onto her stomach and fell to her knees. Her hands were covered in blood. Natasha called out to you but ignored her. You kept walking towards the house as she fell to the side and the world around her disappeared.  

*

Natasha gasped, her following back and she looked up at the ceiling. “And she’s back with us.” Her chest was heaving as she stared at the man in front of her, a knife in his hands. She licked her lips, desperately needing water. “Are you ready to talk?” He asked. Natasha said nothing, content with staying quiet. “You Widows are always so difficult. We will break you down.” They wouldn’t. Natasha would endure and survive and wait till help was on its way.  

*

You stood in the corner of the room listening to Maria’s recount of what happened. Your jaw hurts for how hard you were clenching it. “Our main objective was to just observe and if given the opportunity we were to engage to steal some of their supply,” she explained. “But Natasha was distracted. I should have pulled her but she insisted she was fine.” You looked down at your feet, shaking your head. She was stubborn, so stupidly stubborn. You had a feeling that her mind was on the fight you and her had. “It took me some time to get to her location. She was gone but I managed to catch Daniel Strickland,” the screen behind her changed to the security footage of an interrogation room. His shoulder was wrapped poorly in gauze and you saw his blood. “I may have shot him,” she smirked. You lightly chuckled. 

“Sam and I will handle the interrogation,” Steve said. Your eyes snapped to the super soldier. “The rest will research the group Romanoff and Hill were tailing, find known associates, properties, anything to give us an upper hand.”

“Actually,” you said, pushing off the wall. “I want to be the one to interrogate him. It was the first time you’d spoken since Maria told you of Natasha’s kidnapping, Yelena barely spoke. 

“You're too close to this,” Steve said. “Your head isn’t clear.” You laughed, shaking your head as you walked over to the super soldier, standing face to face with him.

“I feel as though I could say the same thing to you, soldier,” you looked around the room of the other Avengers. “All of you had so many more years with her. I could argue you're all too close to this. That man,” you pointed to the screen. “Won’t give up that information if you ask him.”

“Are you suggesting torture?” Vision asked. 

“We don’t torture people,” Sam added. You smiled. 

“Exactly, the Avengers don’t torture people. I’m not an Avenger,” you pointed to yourself. “I’m a ghost, a mystery, I don’t have to follow the rules set forth by your government. I will get him to talk, trust me.” You added. Steve looked at you, his eyebrows pinched together as he thought it over. 

“Steve,” you looked at Maria. “We are in a time crunch.” She was trying to stay calm, and professional but you saw the worry in her eyes. You saw the unconditional love she had for your sister. You looked back at Steve. 

“The ball is in your court, Steve. How do you want to play?” You asked. He sighed. 

“Fine, you can talk to him. What do you need?” You smiled, your heart skipping at the idea of being in the spotlight of such an important interrogation. 

“Don’t worry your pretty little head soldier,” you ruffled his blond hair. “I was trained by the best.” 

*

Natasha was standing in front of her closet, looking through the clothes that were hanging up. A school dance was this weekend and she needed something to wear. But her door burst open, startling her. She thought she locked it. ‘What did you do?’ You angrily asked. Natasha spun around to face you. She’s never seen this anger directed at her. 

‘I don’t know what you are talking about,’ Truth be told Natasha had no idea what you were talking about. You sighed, rubbing your hands through your hair. 

‘So you can’t explain why Jessica won’t go to the dance with me anymore,’ you said. Oh. So she did know what you were talking about. ‘And how everyone saw you talking with her.’ 

‘We weren’t talking about you,’ she lied. It hurt her to lie but she was stubborn down to her core. Your jaw clenched. 

‘Stop lying to me, Natalia, and tell me.’ She held your glare but finally, she gave in and sighed. 

‘I told her that it was best if she didn’t go to the dance with you,’ your face fell. 

‘Why-why would you do that?’ You stuttered. 

‘Because isn’t good enough for you,’ Natasha took a step towards you but stepped back. She saw her flirting with Taylor outside of school. ‘I was trying to protect you.’

‘Do you think it wasn’t up to you to make that decision for me?’ You asked. ‘That maybe you should have come to me instead of going to her.’ Natasha licked her lips. 

‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn't think.’ You nodded. 

‘Yeah, you weren’t,’ you said. ‘You were being selfish like always.’ You stormed out of her room, slamming the door behind you. ‘

Sestra,’ Natasha called, running after you but when she opened her door she wasn’t standing in Ohio but the Avenger’s compound. It was like watching as she watched Yelena and herself stopping Carol before entering the med bay. 

‘It was an accident,’ Carol said. ‘You have to know I’ve never hurt her. I was having a nightmare.’ 

‘You could have killed her,’ Natasha said. Carol looked down at her feet. 

‘I know, I know,’ she looked up and Natasha could see tears building in her eyes. ‘Please let me talk to her and I can apologize.’ The sisters looked at each other. 

‘She doesn't want to see you,’ The redhead lied. Confusion was all over Carol’s face as she looked between Yelena and Natasha. 

‘It’s probably best if you give her some space,’ Yelena added on. 

‘Oh,’ Carol whispered. ‘Okay, can you tell her I’m sorry and that I-’ she shook her head. ‘Nevermind just nevermind.’ Carol turned to leave and Natasha didn’t move to stop her. 

She blinked and she was back in Ohio. She needed to find you but an intense pain stopped her. Looking down at her hand and saw smoke coming from her skin. It started to become red and a number appeared 2051. Branded. Natasha fell to her knees and watched them brand her skin. Oddly enough, she felt no pain. She was only numb. 

*

A knock on your door pulled you out of your thoughts. You were picking out the weapons you needed to talk to Daniel. You opened your door and Yelena was on the other side. “Hey,” you pulled her into your room. You’ve barely had time to talk with her. As soon as Steve gave you the green light you ran to your room to get ready. You cleared a spot on your bed and sat down next to her. “How are you doing?”

“I’m so tired of this happening,” she admitted, looking down at her hands. There was more so you let her have the space to talk. “I just want all of us to be safe and together.” You smiled. “Do you think that will ever happen?” She finally looked at her. 

“We’ll always be together,” you told her. “I will find her and bring her home.” You would burn the whole world to bring Natasha home.” 

“You didn’t answer the safe part of my question,” you sighed, placing your hand against hers but didn’t interlock your fingers. 

“We’ve made a lot of enemies,” you said. “Unless we fully stop I don’t think we’ll all be safe,” she hesitated but rested her head on your shoulder. “I forgive you, by the way, you and Natasha.” You felt her shake against you. 

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. You nodded, kissing the top of your head. 

“I know you are but you know why I was so hurt,” she nodded. You forced her to look at you. “Nothing will come between us, malen'koye solnyshko (little sun); you, me, and Natasha.” She smiled. “Yelena,” she looked at you. “I don’t want you to be there when I talk to Daniel.” She pulled away from you. 

“I’m going to be there,” she said. “I didn’t need you protecting me.” You knelt in front of her. You nodded, agreeing with her statement.

“I just don’t want you to see me like that.” She frowned. 

“You're not a monster,” you weren’t sure about that. “I’m serious, sestra. The person you are about to become isn’t you. You are doing it to save Nat.” A knock on your door caused you to turn around. It was Carol. 

“The team caught me up to speed,” she said. How are you guys?” She sat on the other side of Yelena. 

“I’m ready to bring her home,” the blonde said. Carol smiled. 

“I know I do. Do you need anything before you go talk to him?” You shook your head. She stood up to leave your room and before she left she whistled. You smiled at the sound and whistled back. You took her spot as she left, feeling the weight you were holding in your shoulders leaving. 

“Well, you got the best people to do that.” Yelena looked at you with a smile. 

“Hey,” Carol said but you didn’t look at her until she placed a finger underneath your chin to force you to look at her. She was smiling before you could ask her what was wrong and she kissed you. It took your breath away and everything you were stressed about melted away. Kissing her was your favorite thing. You pulled away, a smile on your face since you’d learned of Natasha’s kidnapping. “Better?”

“So much,” she chuckled, kissing your forehead. “I need you to be there when I walk out of that room,” you whispered. “I don’t know who I’m gonna be when I walk out of that room.”

“I’ll be there to catch you, beautiful,” she promised. “Always.”

*

Yelena stood next to Wanda and Steve looking through the one-way glass at the man who knew where her sister was. Soon the door opened and you, Carol, and Maria entered. You smiled at her before walking over to the door to go into the interrogation room. Before you opened the door, Maria grabbed your arm and whispered something in your ear. You nodded, letting out a deep breath in and slowly letting it out. “I hope she doesn't kill him,” Steve said, crossing his arms. 

“She won’t,” Wanda said. “But he’s going to wish for death.” 

*

It was weird being in this mindset again. You haven’t needed to enter it since you’ve been freed. You needed to be calm, void of all emotions, and numb to the screams you no doubt will hear. Maria’s words echoed in your head, ‘Make him hurt.’ 

You opened the door and didn’t acknowledge the man as you grabbed a chair to sit down in front of him. You sat down, pulling out a knife and a sharpener. The knife was a gift from the Winter Soldier after a mission success. It became your go-to knife for interrogations. It’s been so long since you’ve used it, it deserved a good sharpen. The man laughed. “I’m not gonna tell you shit,” you crossed your right leg over your left. “I know exactly who you are and how they trained you.” He continued to talk but you remained silent sharpening the knife. The blade was made out of stainless steel, the hilt was red with an outline of a spider on it. “We know how to break you and that cunt of a sister.” You felt your blood boil but you knew you had to be smart about this. Victims of intense interrogation could feed you lies to make the pain stop or tell you the truth. He was cocky, and downright arrogant so he’ll be harder to break. But even the toughest metals could bend, you just had to apply the right amount of pressure. You looked at the tip of the knife and poked it on your thumb. You watched your blood drip down your hand. 

“Sharp isn’t it?” You sucked on your thumb and stood up to walk behind him. “Do you know who I am?” You asked. You were in his blind spot so the only way he could see you was by looking at your reflection in the glass. You were twirling the knife in your hand. 

“A filthy Widow,” he said. “A slut that fucks anything that moves.” You laughed, shaking your head. 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you,” you moved your free hand across his throat and down his chest. “You want me on my knees in front of you, pleasing you,” you whispered in his ear. You felt him shutter. “I’m just better than you though,” you pushed your thumb into his gunshot wound. He groaned in pain. “Dreykov used to call me his malen'kiy pauk.” His head snapped to look at you. “So do you know who I am?” You walked around him, circling his chair as his chest heaved. “Tell me how good your Russian is.”

“Little spider,” you smiled. 

“Do you know he called me that?” He didn’t answer. “Widows are poisonous. We weave our webs and feel the vibrations when an unlucky intruder gets trapped,” you grabbed onto his neck to tilt his head back and you danced the knife against his skin. You were facing forward but you could feel his eyes burning into you. “Once captured, widows inject their victims with poison, paralyzing them,” you looked down, locking your eyes with his. “I was his little spider because my bite burns, it kills,” you throw his head forward. “I’m going to ask you one simple question and I expect the truth. Do you think you can be a good boy and do that for me?” He licked his dry lips. “Where is Natasha?”

“Go fuck yourself,” he said. “You can go shove that knife up -” he didn’t get a chance to finish as you threw your knife and hit him in the shoulder where Maria shot him. You stalked back to him and twisted the knife before pulling it out. You hated to admit it but you enjoyed listening to him scream. 

“Do you want to know another fact about Widows?” You asked, sitting on his lap. “We love feasting on weak and pathetic men. So,” you put the tip of the knife, now covered in his blood, under his chin. “Where is my fucking sister?” 

*

Natasha was on the swing, looking down at the grass. She wasn’t swinging but the wind blowing through the backyard was pushing the swing. Lost in her world, she didn’t hear Yelena run to the other swing and jump on it. ‘Can you push me?’ She asked, giving her best puppy dog eyes. Natasha sighed, standing up to push Yelena. The creaking of the swing and the distant sound of children playing filled the quiet air between the two sisters. ‘Are you and Y/n fighting?’ Yelena asked, breaking the silence. Natasha sighed.     

‘I did something that hurt her,” Natasha said. Yelena didn’t say anything and she was grateful for the silence. But the blonde jumped off the swing and landed on her feet. Natasha was shocked. 

‘Did you say you're sorry?’ She asked, turning to face her. 

‘Well yes but she didn’t accept it,’ Yelena's smile grew as she ran back to the swing and laid down on it. Her blonde hair fell, creating a curtain around her face. 

‘That’s the thing about families,’ she used her legs to spin the swing. Natasha watched as the metal chains began to twist together. ‘We fight and get upset with one another but we still love each other.’ Natasha grabbed the swing before she could release it. She laughed at the pout on the blonde’s face. 

‘How did you know exactly what I needed to hear?’ She asked. 

‘Well, this isn’t real, Nat,’ Yelena whispered. ‘I’m just in your head.’ She let go of the chain and the squeals of her sister fell on deaf ears. When Yelena stopped spinning, she fell to the ground.

‘Are they going to find me in time?’ Natasha asked. 

‘Natalie!’ She looked towards the sound of her name. You were standing on the porch, your hands gripping the railing. ‘Natasha!’ You yelled her name again. She looked back at the blonde who was smiling. 

‘I think that answers your question,’ Yelena smiled. ‘Just wake up.’     

*

You kicked the door open and shot the two men next to Natasha. Their bodies slumped to the ground. You strapped your gun back to your hip and quickly moved to your sister. Her tactical suit was pulled down to her hips. There were slashes across her stomach, her skin was caked with her blood. You were worried about a deep wound on her stomach and a branding mark on her hand. “I found her. I need immediate medical attention to the south side of the building,” you said through your coms. She had a pulse but you didn’t like how weak it was. You unlocked your legs. “Hey Natasha, can you open your eyes for me?” You asked, holding her head. “Come on sestra, wake up. Your safe.” Soon her eyes fluttered open. Her green eyes were laced with confusion as she looked around the room then her eyes landed on you. 

“Sestra,” her voice was rough. “Are you real?” She asked. You nodded, tears running down your face. 

“Yeah, I’m real,” you whispered. She winced as she rested her forehead against yours. “You're safe. Let’s get you home.”   

*

When Natasha woke up she was no longer in that room but back at the compound in med bay. Her body was sore but she was alive. She was alive and safe. In the low light of the room, she saw you sitting next to her. Your eyes were closed and arms were crossed against your chest. But Natasha knew you weren’t sleeping. “Hey,” her throat was still dry and sore. You opened your eyes and a smile grew on your lips. 

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” you teased. She rolled her eyes and you helped her sit up, mindful of her wounds. “How are you feeling?” You asked. Natasha did a mental assessment. 

“Like I got hit by a bus,” you laughed, shaking your head. You took your hand in yours. It was wrapped in gauze. She wasn't used to this gentle touch from you. 

“I forgive you,” you told her. “I think I forgave you much sooner but I didn’t say anything,” you stared at your connected hands. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and almost lost the chance to.” Natasha let out a shaky breath. It was such a relief to hear those words from you. 

“You would have told me when you were ready,” Natasha said. You ran your thumb over the back of her hand. “Besides I knew you’d save me.” 

“Oh?” You asked, raising an eyebrow at her. “What makes you so sure?” 

“It’s what we do,” she smiled. “Family, right?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Family.” 

*

She must have fallen asleep because when she woke up you were gone and Maria and Yelena were by her side. Her sister was playing solitaire on top of her. “I’m not a table,” Yelena yelped and a card fell out of her hand. Natasha smirked as she sat up and took a sip of water. 

“I told her to cut it out,” Maria said, closing the mission report she was working on. Yelena glared at the agent, cleaning up the cards. 

“How are you feeling?” Yelena asked. 

“I’m okay,” was all Yelena needed before she hugged the redhead. Natasha held back her wince and hugged her sister tight. “I’m right here,” she whispered. She mirrored her action with you and placed her forehead against Yelena’s. “How did you guys find me?” She asked once Yelena sat down. 

“I was able to capture one of the members of White Moths, Daniel Strickland.” Natasha offered her hand to her girlfriend, who hesitated before taking it. The Black Widow made a mental note to talk to her about it. “I brought him back here for questioning.” 

“I’m surprised he got that information so easily,” she watched Maria’s eyes glance at Yelena. 

“Well,” the blonde stretched out. “Steve agreed to have Y/n do the interrogation.”

“Is that man alive?” Natasha joked, trying to make light of the new information. 

“He is,” Maria said. “He’s being transported to the RAFT.” You interrogated the man who was part of the group who took her. Natasha only could imagine what Red Room tactics you used, the mindset you went in. You seemed fine but there was a nagging feeling in Natasha's stomach. “She’s intense,” Maria continued. “Remind me to never piss her off.”

*

You walked back to the interrogation room where Daniel was being held with a few agents Fury assigned to transport him to the RAFT. You opened the door for the agents. “I wanted to tell you that we found her,” he was unchained from the chair. “And the rest of your organization has either been killed or arrested,” his hands were cuffed. “Those who managed to get away are being haunted by the Avengers. Enjoy your life sentence.” You turned to leave. 

“You know you and I are very similar,” you stopped at his taunt and faced him. An agent was about to put a muzzle over his mouth but you held up your hand to stop him. 

“You and I are nothing alive,” you said. He laughed. 

“Please we have the same level of darkness inside of us,” he smirked. “All you have to do is tap into it. I saw it when you almost killed me,” he lunged at you but the agents held him back. You didn’t flinch. “You could conquer the world, burn it down, and rebuild it if you just embraced it.” 

“I’m nothing like you,” you repeated. “Get him out of here.” The agent placed the muzzle on his mouth and dragged him out of the room. You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. You tried not to let his words affect you. You weren’t a monster, you were a protector, a sister. You weren’t like them. However, there was a part of you that enjoyed the power you had over him, the control, the idea that his life rested in the palm of your hand.

“Hey,” you turned around to see Maria. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “Everything okay?” She didn’t look convinced. “I’m fine, Maria.” She nodded. 

“Natasha wants to have lunch with you and Yelena. I’ve been tasked as the messenger,” you laughed, following her back towards med bay. “You can come to me if something is bothering you.” You chuckled, throwing your arm over her shoulder. 

“I know,” you said. “I’m just happy that we are all safe and together.”   

___

Taglist:  @fxckmiup

Writing made me think what would happen if Yelena was taken. I think the world would burn down. Sorry this took me so long to write. I’m hoping May will be a good month of writing for me!

#blackhill #Maria Hill x Natasha Romanoff #natasha romanoff x maria hiill #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #Natasha romanoff x y/n #natasha romanoff #maria hill #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x you #yelena belova x y/n #yelena belova #yelena belova x natasha romanoff #yelena belova x natasha romanoff x reader #black widow sisters #Black Widow #carol danvers #carol danvers x you #carol danvers x reader #carol danvers x y/n #wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x vision #Vision #Steve Rogers #sam wilson #black widow fanfiction #black widow one shot #marvel #Marvel AU

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Butterflies

Part 2 of I Hate Myself 

Summary: With the one year anniversay approaching of Courtney’s death, you get invited back to your home town in South Carolina and the only way you are going to surive going back if a certain blonde Black Widow joins you. 

Warning: Fluff, a little bit of angst, mention of addiction, mention the events of Endgame

Word count: 7.3k

 “How was therapy?” Yelena asked as you descended the stairs. She was in the kitchen making you both lunch. It was part of the routine you two found when you moved in with her. You learned quickly that the house she brought you to was located on the Avengers’ compound. It was Natasha’s. The Black Widow left it for Yelena when she gave her life to bring back half the population. Sometimes Maria would come and spend the night but a majority of the time was just you and Yelena. You had therapy 3 times a week and twice a month you would take a trip down to the city for an AA meeting. If her schedule allowed it Yelena would be home after your therapy appointment, making lunch or practicing on the piano. Because of her, you were 6 months sober. 

“It was okay,” you told her sitting down at the dining room table. She joined you with 2 sandwiches. “It was hard.” The first anniversary of Courtney’s death was one month away. 

“I’m proud of you,” she always was. Even when you came into her room crying because you wanted to use it so bad or when you had a beer and you felt so guilty and angry with yourself. She was never mad at you. She was always proud of you. 

“How’s Kate?” Because you were living with Yelena you met all of the Avengers. The archer was hurt on a mission. You’ve seen Yelena come home banged up and bruised. 

“Stubborn,” you giggled. 

“Sounds like a certain Black Widow I know,” she glared at you, which had no real bite to it. It made you laugh again. 

“Heather and Jacob called. They asked if you could call them after therapy.” Your relationship with Courtney’s parents improved greatly. You talked to them at least once a week and gave them updates on how you were doing. 

“Thank you,” you took her and your empty plate to the sink. You rinsed them off and placed them in the dishwasher. “Will you be here when I get off the phone with them?” 

“Of course, smaylik (smiley),” The Russian nickname caused butterflies to form in your stomach. It was one of the few she called you. Smiley was a new one. She said it was a gentle reminder for you to keep smiling because of how nice yours was. You smiled and walked to your room. You kept the door slightly open as you sat on your bed and pulled out your phone. They answered on the second ring. 

“Hey sweetheart,” Heather said. “How are you?” 

“I’m stronger every day.” you lay down on your back. You faintly heard Jacob say, ‘Atta girl.’ It made you smile. “Yelena said you needed to talk to me. Is everything alright?” 

“Yes everything is fine.” you didn’t like her tone. “As you know we are coming up on 1 year,” you put your free arm over your eyes. “We are going to throw a little celebration and we wanted to invite you.” 

“Oh,” your relationship with them has been great but you haven’t reached out to the rest of her family you were once close with or been back to South Carolina. “Uh, can I think about it?” 

“Of course,” you could hear the smile that was on her face. “Just let us know.” You promised that you would and said your goodbyes. You pressed the palm of your hands to your eyes. It sometimes felt like your throat was on fire and your hands were sweaty. Over the past 6 months, you’ve learned to control these urges. You picked up your phone and dialed a number that you had memorized. 

“What’s up, buttercup?” Hannah asked. She was your sponsor. 

“Hannah,” you hated how shaky your voice sounded. 

“Hey, talk to me. Tell me what’s going on,” and you told her. You told her that in a month it will be the anniversary of Courtney’s death but you had a plan. Yelena requested the week off and you and she were going to go to Iowa to spend time with the Bartons. However, Heather just invited you to this celebration of life and now you didn’t know what to do. But drowning in a bottle of whiskey sounded like the best idea. “Well, I’m glad you called and didn’t do that,” she chuckled. “Do you want to go back to South Carolina? Do you feel like you're ready to go back? You weren’t sure. Going back meant seeing old date spots, running into people from high school, or worse seeing your parents. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% ready to go back,” you sighed. “But I feel like if I don’t go back I’ll be letting everyone down.” 

“I don’t give a fuck about everyone else’s feelings,” this is why you liked Hannah. She didn’t beat around the bush or sugarcoat things. “I’m asking you if going back home will benefit your recovery. Maybe get closure.” Closure? 

“I think it might,” you said slowly. “But I don’t know what to do. The urge to use-”

“Breathe for me, buttercup, breath,” Hannah cut through your spiraling thoughts. You followed her; breathing in for 5 seconds, holding it, then letting it out. “Good, now that you said you want to go. What needs to be done so that you’ll be comfortable going? Like if someone went with you.” Yelena. You thought of her immediately. You knew you could do it with her by your side. 

“If Yelena went with me I’d be okay,” you told her. “But would it be okay to ask her to come with me?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” She asked. There were a lot of reasons why it wouldn't be okay. The biggest reason was you would be traveling to the town you fell in love with the person you were planning on marrying to be with her entire family and you were confused about your feelings for the blonde. “Look, all you have to do is ask.”

“And if she says no?”

“Then she says no. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Hannah said. “But something tells me she won’t.” You thanked Hannah and hung up. You sighed, stood up, and headed back down. You knew Yelena was waiting for you. As you got closer, you heard Yelena playing the piano. You stopped and watched her play, A Wonderful Life by Louis Armstrong. She seemed so at peace, at ease at the piano. It reminded you of when she would dance. 

“I can feel you staring, keks (cupcake),” you blushed as you sat down next to her on the bench. “How are Heather and Jacob?” She asked. 

“I need to talk to you about something,” she stopped mid-song and gave you her full attention. “The one year is coming up and I know we planned on going to Iowa.”

“Do you not want to do that anymore?” She asked. “We can do whatever you want or if you don’t want me to be involved at all.” Goodness, you weren’t sure what you did to deserve to have Yelena in your life. 

“I still want to do something. With you,” you added, letting out a shaky breath. She took your hand in hers and rested it on the piano keys. She pushed your fingers gently on the cords. The simple cord filled the quiet house. “Thank you,” she smiled. “Heather and Jacob are planning a celebration of life for Courtney. They invited me.” 

“That’s good,” she said. “Is it?” She questioned, seeing the hesitant look on your face. 

“No, it is. I want to go,” you looked at the piano, tracing the black keys. “Will you come with me?” You asked, looking at her. She didn’t mask the shock on her face. “You don’t have to,” you quickly said. “I can ask Hannah.” 

“Of course, I’ll go with you,” you felt relieved. 

“You are amazing, have I ever told you that?” She laughed, pumping her shoulder against yours. “I’ll call them and let them know.” 

“Okay, now teach me another song!” You laughed, shaking your head. But you began to teach her. You found you’d do anything for her if she asked. 

*

You were walking out of the bathroom when you heard screaming. You ran towards Yelena’s room and opened her bedroom door. The blonde was thrashing underneath the covers. “Yelena,” you said, sitting on her bed. “Yelena, wake up. It’s just a bad dream.” It took some time but soon Yelena sat up quickly, a scream barely leaving her lips. Her eyes were frantic and she was hyperventilating. Touch. She told you that touch helped ground her. You took her hands in yours. “It’s okay,” you whispered. “You're safe.” She moved her hands up your arms, leaving goosebumps in their wake. You moved closer to her and she wrapped her arms around your waist to pull you into a hug. You rested your hands on the back of her neck, playing with the strands of hair that were loose from her braid. You felt her tears on her shirt but you didn’t draw attention to it but you continued to play with her hair. “Do you want to talk about it?” You always asked. She shook her head. She never did talk about them. “Do you want me to stay?”

“Please,” she whispered. It was faint, you almost missed it. She let go of you so you could lay down next to her. You rolled on your side, resting your head on your hand to look at her. She was staring up at the ceiling. You could see tears falling down her cheeks. Soon she turned her head to face you. 

“Hi,” you whispered. 

“Hi,” her accident was always thicker at night or when she had been crying. You gently placed your hand on her cheek, wiping the tears away with your thumb. It broke your heart seeing the normal headstrong Russian break down. Your eyes flickered to hers then down to her lips. You wanted to kiss her and the idea scared you. You pulled your hand back. 

“Go back to sleep,” you whispered. “I’ll fight the nightmares away.” She smiled, rolling over to her side to face you. You didn’t miss the way her eyes flickered to your lips. 

“Thank you,” she said. “For tonight.” 

“Always.” When you woke up the next morning, you felt a heavy weight on you. You looked down and saw Yelena’s arms around your waist, holding you close. She was warm and felt safe like you were home. You relaxed and fell back asleep. 

*

“So you're telling me,” Kate said. “She invited you to her hometown, where she met and fell in love with the woman she was going to marry to a get-together for said woman and her family,” Yelena nodded at Kate’s summary. “And you haven’t told her that you're in love with her yet.” She punched the sandbag in front of her.   

“Yes.”

“That’s rough buddy,” Yelena rolled her eyes, punching the bag again. She regretted telling Kate everything but she needed to tell someone and the one person she wanted to talk to was gone. So when the archer followed her into the training room, she was still benched until Helena cleared her, and everything came spilling out. Yelena did not mean to fall in love with you. It just happened, watching you heal from your guilt involving the accident and the trauma brought on by your parents was beautiful. But Yelena loved seeing your smile when you were playing piano, the feeling of your hand on her when she hit the wrong key, and the hugs you gave her when nightmares woke her up. 

“What do I do?” Yelena asked. 

“You do what you have been doing,” Kate said. “Be there for her. Don’t overthink it.” That was easier said than done.   

*

South Carolina 

Your leg wouldn’t stop shaking as Yelena drove down the familiar streets of your hometown. It was night but you didn’t need light for the flood of memories to come back. “Hey,” Yelena said, glancing at you. “Talk to me. How are you?” The GPS said you were 30 minutes from Heather and Jacob’s house. You told them you had no problem with staying in a nearby hotel but they insisted you stay with them. When Courtney went into her junior year in high school, they converted a small shed in their backyard into a small bedroom. 

“I think I’m going to throw up.” You admitted. 

“Well, aim for the window. That will cost me,” Yelena joked. 

“You're right,” you smiled. “I don’t want to cost you.” Yelena smiled, holding out her hand. You took it and squeezed. 

“I’m right here for you,” Yelena said. “Whatever you need. Always.”

“I know.” 

*

You were going to throw up. It wasn’t a matter of if but when you waited. The house hadn’t changed much since the last time you were here. The landscape changed to fit the season. The outside was Heather’s pride and joy next to her kids. After school on warm sunny days, you would find her in the garden. “I lived at this house my senior year,” you told Yelena. “It’s odd being back.” You hit the doorbell. Before you were dating Courtney, they gave you a key to the house but it felt wrong to use it. Heather opened the door. Everyone said Heather and Country looked alike and when Country was alive you didn’t see it. But standing in front of the woman now was like looking at her twin. They had the same brown hair, bright brown eyes, and a button nose. They even had the same birthmark on their chin. “Hi,” you forced out. It sounded like you were done running 10 miles. Without a moment's hesitation, she pulled you into a hug. You tensed up not expecting it but relaxed into her arms. It felt nice and you were surprised by how much you missed it. 

“You must be Yelena,” you heard Jacob say. Heather let you go and she said hello to Yelena by giving the Black Widow her hug. You did tell her that Smith's love language was physical touch. “You're looking good, girlie,” Jacob said, hugging you. 

“Feeling good,” you whispered. He patted you on the back. 

“Please come in,” you walked into the Smith’s family home and smiled. Every corner had a memory. You felt your chest tighten up but it didn’t hurt. You let out a shaky breath. It was a strange realization to be in a house that used to be a home to you. 

*

Courtney was the second oldest out of 4 children Heather and Jacob had. The eldest was Gavin, who had 2 kids of his own, then Country, Abigail, and the youngest was Lily. You were nervous to see all of them again and introduce Yelena to the mix. But those nerves were pointless when they saw you and hugged you. You fell back into the family again. You saw Yelena deep in a conversation with Gavin. You weren’t sure what they were talking about but Yelena sent you a wink. The Smiths were a big family. Jacob was an old child but Heather had 6 brothers and sisters which came with spouses and little kids running around. They were a big family but incredibly close, something that you were jealous of when you started dating Courtney. 

You and Yelena decided to take some of the younger kids into the backyard to play. You were sitting on the ground with Gavin’s youngest braiding her hair and putting little flowers in the braid while Yelena played soccer. “Mind if I join you?” Abigail asked. You finished the braid in Jennifer’s hair and she ran off to join the game, shouting a thank you over her shoulder. You nodded and sat down next to you. “I missed that.”

“What?” You questioned, looking at her. 

“Your smile,” she said. “I thought I would never see it again after Courtney passed away.” You blushed, looking toward the person who was the reason you were able to smile again. “She’s good for you,” you nodded. “And you look at her like how you used to look at my sister.” 

“I don’t know what you're talking about,” you mumbled. She laughed, hitting her shoulder against yours. 

“You look at her like she hung the moon and the stars and everything in between.” The blush on your cheeks darkened. 

“Shut up.” You said. Her laughter died down. 

“She’s special,” Abigail said, standing up and fixing the dress she was wearing. “Anyone that comes into this family and doesn’t run off is special.” You smiled. 

“Yeah, she is,” she squeezed your shoulder and walked back to the house. You watched the kids play with Yelena, climbing all over the Black Widow and running after her. The smile on her face made your heart skip. It was so carefree and beautiful. Her green eyes locked onto yours. 

“Come on party pooper,” she teased. “Come play with us.” There was a chorus of nagging from the kids that didn't fall on deaf ears but your eyes were on Yelena as you rolled your eyes and stood up to join. She was special and someone you were learning that you couldn’t live without, someone you were growing to love. 

*

Everyone moved to the living room, you were sitting next to Yelena with Lily on your other side. The conversation was in small groups but it felt nice to be together. “Come on, Beethoven. Play something for us,” Gavin said. “We miss your beautiful voice,” you rolled your eyes. “If you don’t I’ll start singing.” 

“Oh, please don’t,” Lily said. She looked at you. “Save us,”

“Alright, alright,” you squeezed Yelena’s hand before walking over to the piano. You uncovered it and felt the memories flood over you. You glanced at Yelena, who gave you a wink. “What do you want me to play?” 

“Courtney’s favorite.” It wasn’t specific because she had a lot of favorites. But you smiled as you began to play. 

“It’s 9 o’clock on a Saturday. The regular crowd shuffles in. There’s an old man sitting next to me. Makin love to his tonic and gin,” she begged and begged for you to learn how to play it. She said you couldn't be a piano player if you didn’t know how to play Piano Man. You played it for her almost every day. 

“Sing us a song, you're the piano man. Sing us a song tonight. Well, we’re all in the mood for a melody and you got us feeling alright,” you continued to play as the group joined in. As the song came to an end, you went into the next one without someone having to request it. You looked at Yelena. 

“So bye-bye Miss. American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levee was dry. Them good old boys were drinking whiskey and rye, singing ‘This will be the day that I die. This will be the day that I die.’” It was one of the first songs she requested you teach her. You thought it was strange, a Russian wanting to learn such an American song but you taught her and she told you the story behind the song. It reminded her of 3 years in Ohio with Natasha. You watched as a smile on Yelena’s face grew. You loved seeing her smile. As American Pie ended, other songs were requested. It made you happy and it reminded you of summer nights singing around a campfire. Yelena brought you a glass of water. 

“Can you play the song you wrote for the wedding?” Heather asked. “If you have it finished.” Of course, you did. It was one of the easiest songs you’ve written, the words and chords came so naturally. 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to share it,” Jacob added. You wanted to. It was only right but your hands started to shake. Yelena sat down next to you on the bench. You felt her hand on your thigh. 

“Yeah, of course, I can play it,” you finished the glass of water. Your throat was dry. Yelena went to move back to her seat but you grabbed onto her to stop her. “Sorry, if it sucks.” You chuckled nervously. 

“It won’t,” Yelena whispered. 

“Nothing you’ve written has ever been bad,” Michael said. You were already fighting off tears, their words weren’t helping. You began to play, the music filled the quiet. You found yourself smiling. You wrote this song while Courtney was taking a midterm. 

“I still remember that perfect smile. That you gave me the first time I saw you. I knew it then and I still know now that my darling I’ll always adore you.” You were in after-school detention when you met Courtney. The reason why you were that was lost to you but she walked in with a smile on her face. People didn’t smile at you and if they did it was out of pity. You hated pity. She was there to tutor you in math. It was your best grade that year. 

“Promise me that you’ll always be the same person you’ve always been and love me whether I’m strong or weak.” It was hard for her to get you to open up. For years you built up a tough exterior to protect yourself. But Courtney and her family saw you for what you truly were, a scared little kid desperate for love. “Say you won’t let go.” Your voice cracked slightly. Yelena squeezed your leg. You nodded, a way to tell her you were okay. And you were. 

“I’m standing in a crowded room but it doesn’t change that all I see is you. I swear that you’re perfect. I don't deserve this night with you. A night with you, ohh,” You always believed Courtney was far out of your league and you didn’t believe her when she asked you to marry her, thinking it was a joke. 

“I’m standing in a crowded room,” you closed your eyes, feeling tears forming in your eyes. But these tears felt different. They weren’t out of sadness or anger or guilt but of relief. You were sharing the last thing that was holding you back. “If heaven is a place then it was made for two. I swear that you’re perfect. I don’t deserve this night with you but I’d love to spend my life with you.” You finished the song and opened your eyes, whipping away the tears that fell. Your song reduced the room to silence, not a dry eye among Courtney’s family. You interlock your fingers with Yelena and look at the Black Widow. Her smile was small and the way she was looking at you made your stomach flip. She was looking at you like you were the only two in the room. 

“She would have loved it,” Heather said, breaking the silence. You cleared your throat. 

“Yeah,” you whispered. “I think so too.”  

*

“I’m proud of you,” you turned to face Yelena. She was adjusting the sweatshirt she was wearing. You threw away the wipe you were using to clean your face. “You’ve done amazing since we got here.” You blushed, moving to sit on the bed. 

“I couldn’t have done it without you.” The blonde sat down next to you crossing her legs. “I sang it to her when she was in the hospital before they took her off life support,” you smiled. “I like to think she heard it.” 

“I bet she did and she loved it as everyone else did,” She said. “You have a very important gift,” you blushed at her compliment. 

“It felt therapeutic sharing that with them,” you said. “Like I can close that chapter of my life.” 

“What do you mean?” She asked. You took her hand and played with the rings on her fingers. Each ring had a story. She spent one night telling you each one after a nightmare you had. 

“A part of me will always love her no matter who I love next. But by playing that song for you and them it was like I got closure,” you looked up at her, chuckling nervously. “It’s stupid.” 

“No,” she smiled. “It’s not stupid.” You smiled, letting go of her hand and slipping underneath the covers. 

“Tomorrow,” you said as she stood up to take her jewelry off. “Do you want to go somewhere with me?”

“Are you going to show me where you and Gavin almost got arrested for breaking into a house because you thought they were mistreating their dog?” She asked, slipping her rings off. You rolled your eyes. “Or when you stole a car to impress Country?” You crossed your arms, a frown on your face at her teasing tone. She turned on the small light before turning off the main one and climbed onto her side of the bed. “I would have never guessed you were the town’s bad girl.” 

“Why is that?”

“Because,” her smile grew. “You're so cute.” She pinched your cheeks. 

“I hate you,” you deadpanned, pushing her hands away from your face. Her laugh echoed in the small room and you couldn’t help but join in with her. “But seriously, will you join me?”

“Of course,” she said. “Can I know where we are going?” You shook your head, turning on your side. 

“It’s a surprise,” you heard her huff and get comfortable next to you but she kept fidgeting and you turned to face her. A smile on your face because of the pout she was wearing. “You're a child,” you giggled. “Just trust me. It will be fun.” You’ve had this outing planned before the trip but didn’t know when to do it. She turned to face you. 

“I trust you,” she whispered. “Always.”     

*

Yelena knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. She carefully got out of bed, without waking you up, and was greeted by the cold air. There was no plan as she walked and since she didn’t know the town well she quietly opened the back door to the Smith family home. It was quiet as Yelena walked over to the fireplace to look at the pictures. She’s been wanting to get a better look at them since she’s been here and now seemed like the best time. There was one of you and Courtney at your high school graduation, another one at prom, and one just of you sitting at a piano. She saw other pictures of Courtney’s siblings and cousins and almost every group picture you were there. “Couldn’t sleep either,” Yelena jumped at Jacob’s sudden voice. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

“It’s alright,” she put the photo back down.

“Do you want to join me for a drink?” She didn’t think she could say no to the man so she followed him to the kitchen. “Water, tea, soda, or something stronger.” 

“Water is fine,” he filled a glass from the fridge and set it in front of her. He got a beer from himself. “I only drink at events but never liquor but I do take a shot for my sister on her birthday.” She explained. 

“And you stopped drinking to aid in her recovery?” She nodded.  

“She didn’t ask me to,” Yelena said. “I knew it would be easier if bottles of vodka weren’t lying around,” he nodded. Yelena sipped on the water in silence as she felt him watching her. 

“It’s okay, you know?” She gave the man a confused look. “That you love her,” The Black Widow was grateful that she didn’t have water in her mouth because it would have gone everywhere. She rubbed her chest to help calm herself down. “She has that ability to draw people in,” he continued. “Courtney and she didn’t become friends till 8th grade and my daughter was as straight as they come; all As, no disciplinary issues, and never missed school. Until a young troublemaker came into her life. She still did well in school but she had fun, a little too much fun,” he added with a smile. Yelena chuckled. 

“She’s helped me so much,” Yelena whispered, moving the rest of the water in her glass around. “More than I thought she would have.” 

“Have you told her?” She shook her head. “I don’t know if you are looking for advice but I would tell her. Take it from me, the world is unpredictable and you never know what could happen.” 

*

It was around 11:30 when you approached Yelena to see if she was ready to go. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Yelena asked, buckling her seat belt as you adjusted the driver seat. 

“I’m kidnapping you,” you deadpanned, buckling your seatbelt. Yelena rolled her eyes, hitting you softly. “I wanted to show you a few places and maybe get food. Does that sound good?” The blonde nodded. 

With her consent, you backed out of the driveway and started on your way. You drove past your high school, the corner store that the owner had a soft spot for, and let you take a candy bar and the 24-hour dinner. You showed her the park and the auto shop where you learned to hot wire a car. “Your parents,” Yelena said, adjusting the music. “Are they still in town?”

“Heather said they were. She sees them in church every Sunday,” you did not was to see them out of fear you’d punch them. “The last time I spoke to them was on the first day of senior year when they kicked me out,” you shrugged. “It was probably the best thing they did for me.” 

You turned into the cemetery, glancing at Yelena who shifted in her seat. You had to ask Heather where Courtney’s plot was. The funeral was a blur for you. You remember singing at the church and that was it. You parked and turned off the car. Tapping on the steering wheel, you looked at the back of her headstone. “I haven’t been here since the funeral,” you said. “And when I left I didn’t say goodbye. I just left.” You smiled. “I was afraid of cemeteries when I was younger.” 

“Really?” You hummed, nodding your head. 

“I thought the ground was going to give away and I’d be buried alive,” you looked down. “Now I’m scared for a whole different reason.” 

“Do you want me to go with you?” You shook your head. 

“No,” you smiled, looking into her green eyes. “I need to do this alone. I won’t be long.” You got out of the car and closed the door. Yelena rolled down her window. 

“Hey,” she said. “Take your time, okay?” You nodded, placing your hands in the pocket of your jeans, and walked over to her headstone. It was hard. Each step felt heavier as if you had 100-pound weights attached to your legs and you were walking through quicksand. But it was a beautiful day. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky but there was a light breeze. You knelt in the grass in front of her grave. It was well kept, with no weeds and the flowers were alive. You traced her name and the day she died with her finger.   

“Hey, sugar,” you whispered. “I know it’s been a while but I’ve been going through some things,” you smiled. “I guess you aren’t surprised by that. I’m holding a lot of guilt about that day. You would have done so much for this shitty world and saved people when I just want to be a singer,” you shook your head, laughing slightly. “I know, I know my songs can help people or whatever you usually say but I didn’t see it that way. I was so angry with the world that I drowned my sorrow in pills and alcohol. It almost killed me and at that moment I wished it did. But now,” you looked at the car where Yelena was waiting for you. “I want to live. I met someone that saved me almost in the same way you saved me.” You brought your knees to your chest. “I think you would have liked her.” You played with the grass. “A part of my heart will always belong to you but I think I want her to have some of it too.” You whipped away a few tears that fell. “Thank you for giving me your love. It was short but so beautiful.” 

*

Yelena was freaking out. Her stomach was in knots and her heart was beating against her rib cage. She didn’t expect you to bring her here. With a sigh, she pulled out her phone and called Maria. She was growing closer to her sister’s girlfriend every day. It was hard at first and she carried a lot of resentment toward her. She got to spend so much time with her sister that she didn’t get it. But Yelena began to listen to the stories Maria shared and she learned how much Maria loved Natasha. “Hey, are you okay?” Maria asked on the second ring. 

“Yeah,” Yelena said, leaning her elbow out the window. “Why wouldn’t I be?” She winced at how shaky her voice sounded. 

“Because you never call me,” she pointed out. That was true. “So tell me what’s going on.” Yelena leaned her head back, closing her eyes. She knew Maria was patient, this wasn’t her first time dealing with a Black Widow. 

“She brought me to the cemetery,” she said. “To visit Courtney’s grave.” She added quickly. The first part sounded like a plot for a bad kidnapping. “And I’m kind of freaking out.” Maria chuckled. 

“Why are you freaking out?” Yelena wasn’t sure. She was worried that she wasn’t going to be enough for you. What if she said the wrong thing? “Yelena, listen to me. She trusts you like no other. There is a reason she asked you to join her in South Carolina.” 

“I was just the most convenient.” Yelena knew that wasn’t true. Sometimes she needed to justify why you spent so much time with her. She was convenient. You both lived under the same roof, your schedule lined up with hers, and you both liked the same things. 

“I am going to pretend you didn’t say that, okay?” Yelena sighed. “I need you to listen to me. Can you do that for me?” 

“Yeah,” she whispered. 

“You may have forced your way into her life because of the guilt you felt for not stopping The Crystal Thorns fast enough and at any point, that girl could have walked away from you,” that made Yelena’s stomach drop again. She didn’t like the idea of you not being in her life. “But she didn’t. She stayed. Not only did she stay, but she's also working on being a part of your family when she could have only been focused on her recovery.” Maria was right. Whenever there was a team dinner or an event that the Avengers had to make an appearance at, you were there, center front. Yelena watched you get to know every member of her team. Not her team but her family. “She cares about you.” 

“I care about her too.”

“I know you do,” Yelena could hear the smile in Maria’s voice. “Just be you. That’s all she wants.” 

“Thank you. I appreciate it.” 

“Of course. I’m here if you need anything.” Yelena said her goodbyes and hung up the phone. She hesitated slightly as she got out of the car and walked over to you, staying back to give you the option if you wanted her to join. Yelena could see the tears stained on your cheeks. You held out your hand and she took it, sitting next to you. She’s only going to one other grave and that was her sister. Maybe she could take you there. You rested your head on Yelena’s shoulder. “How are you, smaylik (smiley)?” Yelena asked. 

“I’m good,” Yelena felt your shoulders move up and down. “A little hungry.” The blonde laughed.

“Let’s go get food then. I bet you’ll know all the best spots,” you giggled. Yelena afford her hand to help you stand up and you took it, whipping the dirt off your jeans. You kissed your hand and placed it on the headstone. 

“I’ll visit more often,” you promised and headed back to the car. But Yelena didn’t follow you. “Are you coming?” You asked over your shoulder. 

“Yeah, just give me a second.” You nodded with a smile and walked back to the car. Yelena watched you and when she heard the door close she looked at Courtney’s headstone. It was simple with her name, date of birth, date of the accident, and a quote. The quote read, ‘If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever.’ Yelena smiled, resting her hand on the headstone. “I’ll protect her,” she promised. “I'll keep her safe and love her if she lets me.” Before she turned around to walk away a butterfly landed on Courtney’s headstone. It was beautiful, the wings were black and orange. Yelena held out her hand and the butterfly rested on her finger. The blonde chuckled. “I’ll take this as I have your blessing.” The butterfly flew off. Yelena smiled, glancing one more time at Courtney’s grave, and walked back to the car.  

*

You drove to a local seafood restaurant. The restaurant was family-owned and of the oldest buildings in town. Everyone in high school talked about the place but walking in with Yelena as she held the door for you and the smell of fish filled the air, it was your first time coming into the restaurant.“So what’s good here?” Yelena asked as the waitress walked you over to the table and gave you both menus. You shrugged, opening the menu. 

“I don’t know,” you said. “I’ve never been here before.” You glanced up at Yelena, who was confused. “Courtney was allergic to seafood and before that, I wasn’t someone who would come to restaurants.” You smiled. “So I thought this would be a good spot. We can go somewhere else if you want.” 

“No,” Yelena said. “This is perfect.” 

After lunch, you got back in the car. “One more stop and we’ll go back to the house.” Yelena smiled. 

“You know how to treat a girl,” you giggled, pulling out onto the street. 

“I have to treat my favorite Russian.” Yelena frowned. 

“I thought I was the only Russian you were friends with.” 

“I’ve met Bucky,” you countered. 

“He does not count.” You laughed, shaking your head. It was music to Yelena’s ears. 

“I’m joking,” you smiled. “Your my favorite, Lena,” it was the way you said it made Yelena’s stomach flip. “Besides, you can plan the next one.” You winked. Yelena felt a strange emotion running through her, hope. Something she hadn’t let herself feel in a very long time.   

*

You parked the car near a clearing. There was a single tree and Yelena could see the small town. You got out of the car and grabbed a bag from the back. “You coming, Lena?” You asked. The blonde followed you to the tree as you got out a picnic blanket and laid it on the grass. Yelena sat down next to you. “Thank you,” you said after a lapse of silence passed between you two. “For today, this week, and everything you’ve done for me,” you looked away from the view and at Yelena. “I don’t think I’ll be able to repay you.” 

“You don’t have to repay me, smaylik (smiley),” she said. “I’m glad I could help.” You took her hand in yours and played with the rings on her fingers. 

“Heather asked if I’m moving back once I’m better,” you felt her squeeze your hand as if you’d disappear in front of her. “I told her I’m going to stay in New York because that’s where my family is.” 

“Oh,” Yelena whispered. You giggled at the shocked expression on her face. 

“I have one more thing planned,” you laughed as she rolled her eyes. Your hands shook as you opened the bag and took out a ukulele. “I’ve been practicing other instruments and I wrote you a song.” She stared at you, disbelief in her green eyes. 

“You wrote me a song?” You nodded. 

“Do you want to hear it?” She excitedly nodded her head. It was cute. “Okay,” you normally never gotten stage fright before but being this close to Yelena made your hands sweat. But the smile she gave you quieted all of your anxieties. You let out a shaky breath and began to play. It was awkward at first, your fingers were not used to strings. “How do I tell you I need you,” you sang. “When you steal the breath in my lungs? My body shakes ‘till the blood in my face makes me awkward, smile and turn around." The past few days you’ve been trying to pinpoint when your feelings changed for the blonde. It had to be when FRIDAY informed you that she was injured. She was gone on a mission for 3 days and when the AI informed you she was in the med bay you ran as fast as you could to the compound. You didn’t leave her side till she woke up. 

“How do I hold these emotions when you spin my world out of place? One look at me, it feels like everything is written marker on my face,” You were at a party with the Avengers and Yelena was talking with Carol. Kate caught you staring and teased you for it. 

“I’m hoping maybe you can tell me now. Am I the only one catching butterflies? Am I moth to your flame? Do you burn the same when I look into your eyes? Do you get butterflies?” You couldn’t look at Yelena so you focused on the blanket you were sitting on. 

“Don’t know what I’d do without you and that’s why you’re not here in my arms. I’m so scared to lose what we have asking for everything that I want,” you were terrified to cross this line with Yelena because what if she didn’t feel the same and you risked losing her? It would be worse than losing Courtney. 

“Cause maybe I raised all your red flags and these green lights are just in my head. I swear that there’s something we can’t explain and I’m terrified to lose it,” you continued to strum and hum and finally you looked at Yelena. Her green eyes were glossy with tears. You stopped playing, the only sound was the distant city. “Yelena-”

“I love you,” she said, cutting you off. “I’m so in love with you and it terrifies me.” 

“Why does it scare you?” You asked. You wanted to know everything in her head. 

“Because I don’t want to rush you into something you aren’t ready for,” she sighed. “A year ago you were going to marry someone else.” 

“And Courtney is dead and you're here,” you pushed the tears that fell down her cheeks. “You’ve seen me at my lowest point and you stayed when you didn’t have to.” You smiled. “I wouldn’t be alive without you.” She grabbed onto your hands. “I’m still healing and figuring things out but I know that whatever is happening between us I want to explore because you make me happy and smile and feel safe.” She kissed the palm of your hands. 

“You amaze me every single day,” she whispered. You smiled, kissing her forehead. “I can’t promise you I’ll be good at this,” she admitted. “I was never given a chance to be in a relationship.” 

“Well, I’m a recovering addict and you're a recovering assassin,” Yelena laughed, throwing her head back. “We’ll figure it out together.” 

“Together,” she smiled. 

“Always.” 

#yelena belova #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x you #yelena belova x female!reader #kate bishp #maria hill #natasha romanoff x maria hiill #Maria Hill x Natasha Romanoff #yelena belova imagine #yelena belova oneshot #Marvel AU #marvel fanfiction #marvel one shot #reader insert #reader x yelena belova #blackhill

[arlana-likes-to-write]

A Christmas Outing

Support my writing by buying me a kofi. 

Now, this one got a way from me and I didn't mean for it to be this long but here we go. Also, did I write this story, see a Natasha one shot on tik tok and immediately get an idea for a chapter length Blackhill daughter story? Yes, yes I did. Well I write it. Maybe one day after I write my other 100s of ideas. Ugh! I need to find a job to pay me for writing.

Summary: You are the newly adopted daughter of Maria Hill and Natasha Romanoff. They want to give you a perfect Christmas day filled with everything you’ve missed but even the holiday season won’t keep the bad guys away.

Warnings: implied sexual abuse/rape, implied child abuse, kidnapping, torture, injury, reader is a mutant with no control of her powers, adopted child. 

Word Count: 5K

You walked into the kitchen, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. Maria was in the kitchen, cooking French toast. You liked the smell of cinnamon, it was a smell you were associating with Maria and Natasha. “Morning,” The agent said, looking over her shoulder as you sat down at the bar stool. “How did you sleep?” She put a glass of milk in front of you.

“Good actually.” you said, taking a sip. You weren’t crazy about milk but Helen said it would be a good idea to include in your diet because of how malnourished you were. The couple adopted you 2 months ago but you’ve known them and the other Avengers for closer to 6 months. Before that you bounced around foster homes, no one seemed to want you. To every adult, you were rude, difficult to handle, and an unhappy child. At 13, you were part of the foster population that parents didn’t want to adopt. That was until you were caught trying to pick pocket Natasha. Not your brightest moment. “I slept through the night. No nightmares.” Maria smiled as she placed a plate of French toast down. You poured syrup on them.

“Good, I’m glad. That’s great news.”

“Where is Nat?” You asked, cutting into the food and taking a bite. It was good. You did a little happy dance in your seat. Maria tried to hide her smile behind her coffee cup.

“She had some Avenger stuff she had to finish before we went out.” You nodded. It was the first day both the Avenger and the agent had since the court date. They tried to form their schedule so at least one of them would be home with you. You didn’t mind as long as they came home in one piece. Since it was December and Christmas was right around the corner, the couple wanted to take you shopping. They kept the agenda ‘need to know’ as Natasha called it. After you were done eating, you helped Maria with the dishes and excused yourself to get ready for the day.

You took a quick shower and decided on black jeans and a red flannel that Wanda bought for you. The weather was still nice in New York City. When you walked out of your room, Natasha was making herself a coffee. “Good morning, milyy.” You stopped at the familiar Russian word.

“Milyy means sweetie, right?” You asked, filling a glass with water and taking your vitamins. It was easier for you to read and write Russian than speak it. But you thought it was a good idea to learn the language since so many people at the tower spoke it.

“Yes, it is.” Natasha said. “You keep it up, you'll speak the language better than me and Bucky.” You rolled your eyes.

“You and Bucky are the reason she wants to speak the language in the first place.” Maria said, coming up behind her wife and kissed her on the cheek. You faked a gag in your water which earned you a playful glare from the agent. “She just wants to be able to understand what you guys say behind Steve’s back.” You shrugged.

“It’s an added bonus.” Natasha smirked, shaking her head.

“Ready to go?” The Black Widow questioned. You nodded, walking to the front door to put on your sneakers.

“Do I get to know what we are doing?”

“Not yet.” You pouted. You weren’t a big fan of surprises.

*

Central Park was your first spot. You were surprised that they wanted to take you to such a public place. The public knew that the couple adopted you but they wanted their privacy. A small section of Central Park had a pop up Christmas village. You lead the couple around the market with a hot chocolate in your hand to every small stone. You were fascinated with every little thing each vendor sold. You were too nervous to ask them to get you something but as you walked away to head into the park, Maria walked up next to you handing you a red beanie you were looking at you. “Just ask, okay?” She said. You nodded, ignoring the guilt that ran through you as you placed it on.

“Still learning too.” You whispered. She gave you an understanding smile.

“And you’ve made amazing progress since I first met you.” She said, slinging her around over your shoulders and pulled you into a side hug. “I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks.” They brought you over to the ice skating rink next. You sat down on the bench to take off your sneakers. “You know I’ve never stepped foot on an ice rink before.” You told the couple.

“And I’m married to a Russian and former ballerina,” Maria said. “You won’t be the only one that will look like a fool.” You and Natasha laughed.

“It will be fun.” The Black Widow said. “I’ll hold both of your hands the entire time.” She was right, ice skating was a lot of fun and Maria was a lot better at it then she led on. Natasha held on tight to your hand as she led you around the ice. “I’m going to let go of your hands, okay?” You nodded as the Russian let go of your hand. You put your arms out to help with your balance. “Look! You are a natural.” Natasha cheered as you caught yourself on the wall, the force knocked the air out of your lungs. The couple stopped next to you.

“That-that’s fun.” You said slightly out of breath. “I think I need to start working out more.” Maria laughed.

“We’ll set up a workout routine with Steve.” Your eyes went wide at the mention of working out with the super soldier.

“I said work out not die!”

“He’d go easy on you.” Natasha said. You rolled your eyes.

“Sure he would.” After ice skating, lunch was a quick stop at a pizza shop. You loved pizza. It was food you could eat every single day if Maria and Natasha would let you. Once pizza was eaten, they took you to a small Christmas tree farm.

“Pick one.” Natasha. You looked at her in disbelief.

“I can pick the tree.” Maria nodded. Oh. You looked around the tree farm. “It’s going in the living room, right?”

“Yup, right by the TV.” Okay, that was good to know so you knew how big the tree needed to be. This was a tough decision to make. You walked around the farm a few times before deciding on a tree.

“Is this the one?” Natasha asked. You nodded happily. “Good choice, kid.” You smiled at the praise. You watched as Maria and Natasha paid for the tree. A weird and warm feeling was bubbling in your chest. Your family. You were grateful for the agent and the Avenger for saving you.

*

You walked out of your bedroom after changing out of your jeans into a comfy pair of sweatpants. Maria and Natasha were stringing Christmas lights around the tree, the record was playing soft music. “Catch.” Natasha said, throwing you a Santa hat. You put it on with a laugh and joined the couple. Once the lights were on, Maria opened up a box of ornaments. It was quick work to put the ornaments on the tree. Next it was time to decorate the apartment. More Christmas lights went up and the stockings were hung on the electric fireplace.

“Can we make cookies?”  You asked.

“Of course.” Natasha said. It was Natasha’s confirmation that led everyone into the kitchen. Sugar cookies were decided. You were measuring the flour when Natasha walked behind you. She stuck her finger into the flour and whipped it on your face. You gasped.

“This is war.” You said, putting your hand into the flour and threw it at the Black Widow. It landed some on her and on the floor as Natasha dogged your flour attack. You went for another attack.

“Children.” Maria warned. Her tone caused you and Natasha to freeze. Natasha gave you a look as she went over to her wife. She wrapped her arms around her wife, keeping her in place.

“I’m sorry, moya lyubov’.” Natasha said. She sent you a small nod. You gathered flour into your hand and threw it at Maria. She couldn’t move as Natasha kept her trap. The agent’s face and shirt was covered in flour. You laughed at the stunned look on her face.

“Oh it’s so on.” A flour fight soon erupted into the kitchen. It was 1 v. 1 v. 1 for a good portion of the fight until Natasha grabbed onto you and held you as Maria dumped flour onto you. You laughed, it was getting hard to breath as you and the couple fell to the kitchen floor covered in flour. “We are never making cookies again.” Maria laughed. You were leaning against them trying to catch your breath.

“We didn’t even make the cookies!” Natasha countered. “We just made a mess.” You giggled.

“It’s your fault.” You said, pointing at the Black Widow. “You started it.” Natasha gasped in mock offense.

“How dare you.” She said, tickling your sides. You just got done laughing but the Black Widow sent into another laughing fit.

“Nat - stop - please.” You laughed, trying to escape her grasp. “No - please - Maria - help. Help!” The agent grabbed onto her wife and allowed you to escape. You placed a hand on your chest. “You are cleaning the kitchen.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever.” Natasha smiled. The kitchen was cleaned, the cookies were made, and a Christmas movie began to play on the TV. Your head rested on Maria’s lap while you ate a cookie and watched The Polar Express. Natasha was cuddled up on Maria’s other side. Today was good, it was a great day.

*

“Are you sure you are going to be okay?” Natasha asked for the 3rd time. You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. You were sitting on the couch, working on your homework. They decided to homeschool you. The couple had a meeting today for an upcoming mission that required both of them.

“Yes, it’s just a meeting.” You said. They didn’t like leaving you home alone. Maria walked out of their shared bedroom. “I know the rules. Don’t open the door if someone knocks. Set the alarm and call you if anything happens.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the tower with us?” Maria asked, that was the 2nd time she asked that. You shook your head.

“I have homework to do and I’ll get distracted at the tower.” You weren’t wrong. If Peter and Kate were there then you would get nothing done. You stood up and walked over to them. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” Natasha sighed.

“We’ll be back as soon as we can.”

“Say hi to everyone for me.” Maria opened the door.

“Figure out what you want for dinner tonight.” You saluted her.

“Aye, aye captain.”

“And not pizza.” You pouted.

“Fine. Now go.” You pushed them out of the apartment. “Steve gets upset when you are late.” They said their goodbyes and you closed the door; locking the door and setting the alarm. You walked back to the couch and flopped back down. You continued to read. You weren’t sure how long it was until someone knocked on the door. You stared at the door above your book and stayed quiet but the knocking continued. Before you could reach for your phone, the door blew off the hinges. You screamed and scrambled off the couch as masked men entered the apartment. You ran to Natasha’s and Maria’s room as they had access to the fire escape. But you didn’t make it as arms grabbed onto you. You fought against the strong arms but they didn’t let go. Soon you felt a pinch on your neck and the world went black.

*

Natasha was annoyed as she sat in the conference room. Her arms were crossed against her chest and the only thing keeping her from yelling at Steve and Tony was Maria’s on her leg. She knew her job was important but each day she spent with Maria and you in their small apartment she valued motherhood instead of Avenging. Her and Maria have talked about retiring but it felt like everything time the conversation was brought up, they were pulled back into the fight. She sighed, this meeting could have been an email. “I apologize for the interruption,” The AI said. “But the alarm at Mrs. Romanoff-Hill’s apartment has been triggered.

“Show us the security footage, FRIDAY.” Natasha said before Steve could say anything. The AI complied and pulled up a hologram of their security footage. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary at first. They were watching you read on the couch until a knock interrupted the quiet apartment. You didn’t move to go answer it, one of the rules. You continued to read and when another knock happened you reached for your phone but the door blew off the hinges. Natasha and Maria stood up, knocking their chairs over. The Black Widow would remember the sound of your screams. You tried to run but the masked individuals grabbed onto you and injected into your neck. You went limp. As fast as they entered, they left with you. Natasha saw red.

“FRIDAY, find her.” Tony ordered the AI.

“On it boss.” The AI began to pull up traffic cameras and security footage, following the van around the city. “They must have taken her somewhere with signal jammers.”

“Where did you lose them?” Maria asked, grabbing onto Natasha’s hand.

“They went through the Lincoln Tunnel and that is where the signal goes dark.” There was a heavy silence in the room. “I’m sorry.” It was the first time Natasha heard emotion coming from the AI.

“We’ll find them.” Steve said. “Yelena and Kate, head over to the apartment and see if you can find anything.” They stood up with a nod and left, Yelena gave her sister’s arm a tight squeeze.

“Steve, Maria and I should go and search.” Natasha said. The super soldier shook his head.

“No, you and Maria need to sit down and figure out who is behind this.” Steve said. “They took her to get to you.”

*

You woke up to the feeling of water dripping onto your face. You tried to wipe your face but your hands were chained to the chair you were sitting on. Your eyes darted around the dark room, your mind was transporting you back to foster homes that chained you into basements. Breath. Breath. You were no use to anyone if you sent yourself into a panic attack. The door to the room opened and two men came in. “Well looks who's awake,” His voice was thick with a Spanish accent. “We thought you’d be out a lot longer but the fun can begin.”

“Look,” your voice was rough and your throat was dry. “I’m not sure what is going on but I'm nobody you got the wrong person.”

“Oh I don’t think we do, conejita (little bunny),” He said as he was handed a folder. You didn’t know what he called you but you didn’t like how he said it. Maybe you’ll add Spanish to the list of languages you’d learn if you made it out alive. “You are the daughter of Maria Hill and Natasha Romanoff.” He pulled out a piece of paper and showed you it. It was a picture of you and Maria in Central Park with her arm around you. He dropped it to the ground and pulled out the next one, it was of you and Natasha at the ice rink. He kept showing you pictures from that day; at the pizza shop, the Christmas village, and the Christmas Tree Farm.

“What do you want with them?” You asked. He smiled.

“Look how smart you are,” he said. “Your parents arrested someone very important to me.” He pointed to himself. “To his people.” He pointed to the man next to him. “We want him back and in return they’ll get their daughter.”

“Maybe your little messiah shouldn’t have gotten caught.” You said. “He should have been better.” The punch came as a surprise as blood filled your mouth. He grabbed onto your neck forcing you to look back.

“You need to watch your tongue,” you nodded. He didn’t let go of your throat as it became harder to breathe. “Let’s give your mommies a call.”

*

“Can you please stop pacing?” Maria asked as she was typing at her computer. She was going through all the missions she’s worked on alongside her wife. The list was long but it was a start.

“I can’t,” Natasha said. “I can’t sit still knowing someone has her.” She finally stopped pacing to look at Maria. “We’ve made a lot of people angry over the years.” It was true. They’ve stopped dictators, confiscated millions of dollars in weapons and drugs, and saved hundreds from imprisonment. Maria stood up and took Natasha's hands in hers.

“You're right. But they took her alive which means they want something and they will call,” Maria kissed Natasha’s forehead. “We will find her. We will bring her home.” Natasha nodded, capturing Maria’s lips with hers in a short kiss.

“I knew we shouldn't have gone to that meeting.” Natasha mumbled. Maria chuckled.

“It totally could have been an email.” The door opened but the couple didn’t separate, Maria saw Wanda standing there.

“Yelena and Kate are back,” She said. “They found something.” They walked back to the conference room quickly. It was filled with the team, all determined to get you back.

“What did you find?” Natasha asked her sister. Yelena pulled out a cloth with a design on it. Maria’s blood went cold.

“We think during the struggle this got ripped off.” Yelena said.

“They were efficient,” Kate added. “They were in and out before the cops arrived.

“Do you recognize the symbol?” Steve asked. The symbol in question was the moon in its waning crescent phase with a snake wrapped around it.

“Los Inmortales,” Natasha said, noticing the way Maria froze at the sight. “FRIDAY pull up Hector Rodriguez.” She waited for the AI to pull up the mugshot. Maria kept her eyes trained on the table in front of her. “Hector and his crew were a major weapons dealer that operated at the border between Mexico and Texas. You name it and they did it. Maria went undercover as Hector’s girlfriend.”

“How long were you under for?” Bucky asked.

“2 years,” Maria said. “We were waiting for Hector to reveal who he was selling to.” Maria felt Natasha grab her hand. “If it’s Los Inmortales that have her then they must want Hector to be released from the RAFT.”

“But who would be leading them?” Wanda asked. Maria’s stomach turned. She felt sick.

“It has to be Diego,” she said. “He’s worse than Hector.”

“Boss, you have an income stream request. Do you want to connect?” Tony looked at Maria. She took a steady breath and strengthened her posture, nodding to the billionaire.

“Put it through and trace it immediately.” The AI put the stream through the screen. They saw you sitting in a chair with blood dripping from your mouth.

“Emilia,” Diego said as he came into view. “Or should I say Agent hill, how many names do you have?” He asked. His voice sent a chill through Maria’s spine but she hid it.

“I know what you want, Diego, and you can think again if we are going to let Hector walk free.” She said, ignoring his question.

“Tsk, tsk,” he said, circling you. He placed his hands on your shoulders. “Even at the price of your daughter. We can have so much fun together, just like you and I used to. Do you remember?” Maria’s face was drained of color. “She may not be related to you by blood but I wonder if her screams will sound like yours.”

“Enough of these games,” Natasha said. “Let her go.” Diego smiled, moving his hands across your chest. You flinched, trying to get away from him.

“You are in no room to make demands or did you forget who I have, pequena arana (little spider).” He sighed, before stepping out of the frame and entering with a cattle prod. “My demands are to simply release Hector Rodriguez from the RAFT and we will return your daughter mostly unharmed.” He danced the cattle prod against your skin. You closed your eyes and Maria saw your body tense up.

“She will be unharmed or the deal is off.” Steve said. Diego rolled his eyes.

“We have to show you that we are serious.” He put the cattle prod to your shoulder and turned it on. Your teeth dug into your lip as the electrical pulsed through you. It finally became too much and you screamed.

“Enough.” Natasha said. He turned it off. Your chest was heaving. “We need time.” You looked up and locked eyes with Maria. The conversation around the agent went mute, all she could do was focus on you. You shook your head slightly, giving her a forced smile.

“We aren’t scared of the Avengers.” Diego said. “We are Lost Inmortales. We worship the moon and snake that bind us to this mortal plane for eternity. We will burn you to the ground.” It was if something snapped inside of you, Maria saw it. She knew her wife saw it too as the Black Widow grabbed onto her hand. Your head snapped to look at him at this threat.

“Don’t threaten them.” You said. It was the first time you’ve spoken since the live stream. “I wouldn’t threaten them if I were you.” Your voice was so cold, void of all emotions it startled Maria. The Avengers looked at each other as Diego turned his attention back to you.

“Now why is that?” He asked. You smiled

“Because I’ll kill you.” Maria’s jaw almost dropped. He laughed, shaking his head.

“That is funny, conejita (little bunny). You almost had us all fouled.” Part of Maria knew you weren’t joking. You looked back into the camera, right at Natasha and Maria.

“Sorry.” It was your only warning anyone got before your body turned into a liquid and escaped from your confinements. You reformed quickly but your forearms turned into ice as you grabbed the cattle prod from Diego and ripped it out of his hands. Two men appeared from off screen and charged you. You grabbed one of them by their throats and the ice from your fingertips sliced through his skin. He fell to the floor dead and his blood covered your arm. The other man slammed his body against yours and you hit the wall with a hard smack. Maria could see you stand on one leg and repeatedly knee the man in the stomach. With both hands still covered in ice, you grabbed the man by the shirt and pushed him off you. He stumbled backwards and before he had time to recover, you punched him. The force sent him into the camera. The tripod swayed back and forth before falling to the ground. The footage began to cut in and out, the last thing the Avengers saw was Diego running at you. The room was stunned into silence.

“Did anyone know that mini Agent Widow could do that?” Tony asked. Everyone’s eyes fell onto Natasha and Maria, who were just as stunned.

“The adoption agency just said she was a troubled kid with behavioral issues.” Natasha said. Truth be told, the couple or any of the Avengers never saw any of the behavioral problems that your previous foster parents talked about. You were a sweet kid dealing with a rough hand.

“Her thoughts are always loud,” Wanda said. “But this wasn’t something she thought about.” It didn’t matter to Maria, all that mattered was getting you home safe. Any mutant power would be dealt with besides they were the Avenger, that was the least abnormal thing they’ve seen.

“FRIDAY, did you find her location?” Maria asked.

“Yes, Agent Hill.” The AI said. “ They are at a warehouse in Hoboken. The exact location has been sent to you.”

*

You woke up with a groan. Your body ached and you were laying on the ground staring up at the ceiling. Standing up on shaky legs, you fell against the wall as the room spun around you. But you could see the bodies. You could smell their blood. You were going to be sick. “Conejita,” Maria called him Diego, stood up from the corner he was slumped over in. “That wasn’t nice.” He dragged his body over to you. “We didn’t get to have our fun.” An alarm began to go off but that didn’t deter him. You fell to the ground as he hovered above you. “I didn’t get to tell you all of the things I did to your mommy. She was my favorite, you know? She was my favorite. But I think you could have taken her spot.” He reached out to touch you.

“Get your hands away from my daughter,” Natasha said, running in and pushing him away from you. You had little time to process her sudden appearance as you were pulled into a hug from Maria.

“I’m so happy you're okay.” She said. You froze. She felt you tense up and pulled out of the hug. “Are you hurt? Are you okay?” You stared at her as Steve came in to deal with Diego.

“I’m sorry mom.” You cried. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hey sh, you're okay.” Maria said, whipping away your tears.

“We need to get out here.” You heard Steve say.

“Dorogoy, can you stand and we can get you home?” Natasha asked. You nodded. Maria helped you to your feet and you bit back a groan. It was a blur as Natasha and Maria got you to the Quinjet and Bruce looked you over. He treated the burn on your shoulder from the cattle prod and wanted Helen to check on you. Things were happening around you. People kept coming up to talk to you but you stared blankly ahead. Their mouths were just moving, no words were coming  out. It took a snap from the Black Widow sitting next to you for people to leave you alone. At the tower, Helena gave you pain medication and said something to Maria and Natasha. They took you to their shared suite and you think Maria said the apartment was still an active crime scene.

Away from everyone the tight coil that was building since you stepped onto the Quinjet snapped. You fell to your knees as a sob escaped your lips. Careful hands picked you up and laid you onto the bed. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You kept repeating. “Please don’t send me back.”

“Sh, carina.” Maria said rubbing circles on your back to try to calm you down. “We aren’t sending you back,” You looked at her through your blurry vision.

“You - you aren’t.” You said. Natasha shook your head.

“No, you are our daughter.” You nodded, taking in a slow and deep breath trying to calm yourself down. “Milyy,” Natasha said slowly. “Why did you think we’d give you away?” You sat back, rubbing your hands together.

“Because it’s happened before.” You sighed, not able to look at them. “I can’t control what you say. It only happens when I’m in danger or people I care about are in trouble.” You began to play with the loose treads of the blanket.

“Why didn’t you stop them from taking you?” Maria asked. You shrugged.

“I didn’t want you to find out. I like living with you guys.” You took a deep breath in and let it out finally looking up at them. “You're my moms.” You whispered. “My parents.”

“Yes, we are.” Maria said. “And that means we will be your moms through everything.”

“The good and the bad.” Natasha added. You smiled, whipping away the tears.

“Even if I get kidnapped again.”

“Yeah,” Natasha said, pulling you down to lay between you and Maria. “That’s never happening again.” You sighed, cuddling close to both of them.

“I love you guys.” You whispered, closing your eyes.

“We love you too.”

*

“Wake up, milyy.” Natasha whispered. You groaned, burrowing your face deeper into the pillow. “Come on, it’s Christmas.” You opened your eyes, squinting from the light. Your moms were sitting on your bed.

“Christmas?” You mumbled.

“Yeah,” Maria said with a smile. “We got presents to open then we have to go the tower.”

“The tower?” You haven’t been to the tower since they rescued you from Los Inmortales. Steve gave Natasha and Maria time off once the rest of Diego’s were arrested and sent to the RAFT. During that time you moved apartments, visited Clint in Iowa, and met Melina and Alexei in Ohio. Natasha groaned dramatically, falling on top of you.

“She went to bed and forgot our plans.” You giggled.

“Well, I can’t get up now because someone is on top of me.” You said, pushing Natasha off of you. The Black Widow fell off of you with a ‘huf.’ You sat up, stretching your arms over your head. “Feliz Navidad, mama.” You said, giving Maria a hug. You started learning Spanish right away.

“Merry Christmas.” She hugged you a little tighter.

“S rozdestvom mama (Merry Christmas).” You said to Natasha. She sat up and gave you a hug, kissing you on the cheek.

“Ugh, this is disgusting.” Yelena said. You pulled away from Natasha to look at your aunt. She was wearing plaid Christmas pajamas, similar to the ones you were wearing. It was a Christmas gift from Melina. “Can we open presents already?” You jumped out of bed and followed Yelena to the living room, the eco of your moms laughter followed you. Kate was already sitting on the couch, drinking coffee.

“Merry Christmas, Kate.” You said, hugging her from behind the couch.

“Merry Christmas, kiddo.” You sat down next to her as the rest of your family filled the empty spots in the living room. You smiled, looking at the ground.

“Alright,” Natasha said. “Present time.” Present time. You couldn’t believe you were sitting here with a family that loved you for you on Christmas morning. Yeah, today’s going to be a good day.  

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