#my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most.

[orcelito]

Having lost my cat, my uncle, my great grandmother, my grandma's best friend (& one of the people who helped raise me), AND my dad all within the span of 9 months,

I have little sympathy for people who use deaths as an excuse to be an asshole. I get it, it sucks. Get the fuck over it. Your grief is not an excuse to treat others like shit. What the fuck.

#speculation nation #this isnt anything personal. im just reacting to a post that kind of pissed me off. #to be fair i was never close with my great grandmother so im not particularly broken up about that one #but it's still yet another death in the family within such a short period of time. #my cat is on this list bc he was the first one and it majorly fucked me up. so yeah it deserves to be here. #the others. well. my grandma's best friend makes me sad but at least she was getting up in years #my uncle and dad though. especially my dad. yea those have fucked me up the most. #im never gonna be the same after experiencing all of this in such short succession. #it sucks in a major way. and things are still continuously tumultuous. #but you dont see me lording it over people and using it as an excuse to be an asshole. #maybe i make people uncomfortable with how casually i mention it. but like whatever. it's simply my truth. #that's still just like. me just talking about what ive been up to. that kind of thing. #idk acting like someone needs to be treated with the most tender of touches after experiencing a major death #to the point where you cant even tell them when theyre being a manipulative little asshole? #i dont fucking think so! #yeah okay all grief hits different but ive pulled myself up by the bootstraps and kept my head on straight #even after i experienced death after death after death after death after Fucking Death #whats your excuse? youre Sad? we all fucking are. thats just life. #it's horrible and awful and it sucks that we have to live with this but you CANT let that affect how you treat other people!!!!! #and here i am making my own post venting about it instead of replying to the aita post that sparked this #bc the person the post was about just made me so angry to hear about. #but i am... a reasonable adult who separates themselves from situations before reacting in anger... #and so im making a tumblr post to get the emotions out instead of getting emotional at random strangers lol #anyways i actually had a pretty good day today. but in the way of grief. the smallest things can trigger moods sometimes. #but i am letting the emotions flow... here they are... i have expressed them... and i shall now release them... amen... #negative/ #i guess lol. i sure did rant enough for it.

[anarcoqueer1994]

Be My Beard?

A story about the Kippen family being terrible and homophobic and Amber and TJ being the best disaster gays.

(Please be kind, wrote this post seizure today so my brain is being wonky <3 )

TJ and Amber Kippen were gay. Very gay. But neither teenager was out to the family. Of course they knew the other one wasn't straight, they could never keep anything a secret between each other. But the thought of telling the whole family scared both of them.

A few years back, when Amber was in the 8th grade, and TJ was in the 6th, an incident happened that freaked them both out. They were having Christmas dinner with their parents, both sets of grandparents, and a bunch of aunts, uncles, and all their kids. Amber recently figured out she was a lesbian. She had told TJ and of course he was supportive and excited for her. But neither could predict how their family would react. And they needed to know before Amber came out, and even though he hadn't said it out loud, before TJ came out.

So at Christmas dinner she decided to test the waters to check how they would react. Amber casually said, "This girl in my class just told everyone she was a lesbian, isn't that so brave of her?" She muses.

Her aunt Robin on her dad's side was the first to speak up. "All these kids think they are gay at your age, sweetheart. She will figure it out." 

Out of the corner of her eye a few people nodded. But then it goes back to general talking and laughing at the table. But Amber and TJ needed to know more. So TJ decides to poke a little further. Over the voices around him, he says"But what if she doesn't 'figure it out?' What if she does only like girls the rest of her life? What if that makes her happy?"

Amber and TJ's grandma(on their mom's side) gets a very serious look on her face. The room is silent and awkward. She stares at Amber for a few moments, as if she was trying to calculate something. Then she turns to TJ, giving him a similar look. Finally she breaks her silence and coldly says, "Well then I would remind that girl that maybe she should think about what that would do to her family and friends, and that she should figure how to keep those feelings under control. It is all for the best...." She put on a sweet smile and quickly adds, " Hypothetically, of course." 

Then, just like that, everyone goes back to talking and laughing. No one bothered to defy her or what she said. Both Kippen siblings are left staring into their plates in quiet worry the rest of the night.

In the year that followed, both of them learned to 'hide' from their feelings, even denying the truth from each other. 

"Ambs, What are you doing going out with this guy, Jonah?" TJ asks, while sitting on her bed, as she does her hair for school.

"I happen to really like Jonah." She says in a voice that is uncertain if she is trying to convince TJ or herself.

"Don't lie to me, I know the truth. You have become colder to people, especially other girls. And you have become so clingy and possessive towards Jonah. You are pretending to be someone you are not. Amber, no matter what grandma says, it is okay if you are a les..."

"You don't know anything, TJ!" she cuts him off. "Don't start with me. Don't act like I don't see how much more of a jerk you have become since last year at Christmas. You have been trying to act like this hotshot, super 'manly' jock with a bad attitude to hide the fact that you are gay."

TJ quickly gets up and heads to the door. "Whatever Amber....I'm not gay. " He slams her door.

And it was like that for a while. But then they meet Andi and Cyrus, and both of them knew they were fucked. 

Amber first saw Andi when the other girl was talking to Jonah. Right away, Andi made Amber feel weak in the knees. Amber was terrified that Andi would bring out the feelings she had been working so hard to suppress. So she responded to those fears by purposely being as cold as possible to Andi and clinging tighter than ever to Jonah. But then she and Jonah broke up and even more surprisingly, she and Andi became friends.

There were some hiccups along the way in their friendship. There was the time at the ferris wheel. Most people assumed she left because she was jealous of Andi being with Jonah. In reality, she was jealous that Jonah was Andi's choice and not her. 

Then there was the warehouse party. That night she held Andi's hand for the first time. She remembers looking into Andi's little Bambi eyes and melting. That scared her. So soon, she took the opportunity to get close to Jonah again. He was her disguise. That's why she pushed so hard when they were dating, tricking herself into believing that she loved him so no one would suspect that she was a lesbian.

But always in the back of her head was Andi. So when she and Jonah broke up, it was almost liberating. She and Andi got closer and at Andi's party, they danced and her heart felt like it was going to pound out of chest. Then less than a week later, Andi texted her, asking her to meet her at The Spoon. That night Andi asked her out and against her better judgment, she said yes. They have been together ever since, a little more than a year now.

The other Kippen sibling was just as powerless against love. Cyrus gave him the courage and freedom to be himself, if only to just their friends. So both Amber and TJ were with people they loved who loved them back. Unfortunately...they had to keep it a secret to everyone but their close friends to negate the risk of their family finding out.

This was working out fine for a while. Their parents just assumed that Cyrus and Andi were their friends. But one day towards the end of TJ's freshman year, their plan started to crumble. Their grandparents were over and the family was catching up in the living room. The conversation was innocent enough until their parents leave the room and their grandma started asking about their personal lives. There grandfather sits obviously on the couch next to her.

"So tell me about what is going on in your lives?" She asks, looking between her grandkids. "Anything special? Anyone special?" She smiles.

Both kids look uncomfortably at the ground so she pushed on, in a faux sweet voice. "What about that girl in your class, dear? Remember the one you told me about a few years back?" Looking at Amber. "Did she ever figure out that this gay thing was a phase?"

They both knew what she was implying. She wanted to know if they were done with this "phase." They weren't dumb. She may not know specifics but their grandmother had a hunch and it scared them. Amber looks up quickly to meet her grandmother's eye, as awkward silence filled the room. She cleared her throat. "Yeah, she did. She even has a boyfriend now." 

"Oh, she does?" Their grandmother grins. "So what about you two? I know, Amber, you must be beating guys away with a stick." Then their grandfather speaks for the first time. "And TJ, must be like me back in the day. You are a real lady's man, aren't you?" The old man smiles.

TJ doesn't know what came over him but he finds himself speaking up. "Actually, I have a...." he suddenly forces himself to pause, his senses coming back to him. 

"A what dear?" The older woman asks.

"Um, a girlfriend." He lies through his teeth.

"Oh really? And what her name?"

TJ panics. He did not think this through. Amber looks over and sees her brother's look of fear and worry, so she steps in.

"Teej's girlfriend is wonderful! She's actually my best friend, Andi."

"What about you Amber? Do you have a special guy?"

"Uh yeah. His name is...its Cyrus. He's a boy in TJ's class." TJ is dumbfounded, looking at his sister as he tries his best to play along.

Their grandmother looks absolutely giddy. "I must meet them! You should bring them to family dinner on Sunday!"

"What?!" Both siblings say in unison.

"Yea, bring them to dinner this Sunday!" Their grandpa agrees. Every Sunday, they and their parents go to their grandparents house for dinner. But neither of them expected them to invite Andi and Cyrus.

Amber stutters "But aren't those special family time?" 

"Nonsense!" Their grandma exclaimed. Right then their parents return. She turn to their mom, her daughter. "Kim, I told the kids they can bring their special people Sunday." 

Their mother turns to them. "I didn't know you kids were dating anyone."

"Um, yea mom. I am dating Andi, Amber's friend. And you know how close Cyrus and Amber are." TJ tries to play off.

"That's so exciting!" She squeals. "Definitely bring them."

The kids groan internally knowing there is no getting out of this now.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

So that is how they ended up at The Spoon, nervously waiting for Andi and Cyrus. They sat on the same side of the booth, so when Cyrus and Andi walk in, they scoot into the other side across from the Kippen siblings. Both teens immediately notice the look of apprehension on their SO's face.

"What's going on guys?" Andi asks cautiously.

"Yea, you guys are scaring me." Cyrus adds, Andi nodding her head in agreement.

Amber lets out a dry laugh. "It's actually a funny story...um well…." TJ nervously smiles beside her. "We need you guys to be our beards this Sunday." She finishes.

"What do you mean, Ambs?" Andi reaches her hand across the table to grab Amber's.

"I, um, mean that our grandma came over the other day and started asking all these questions and we kind of ended up lying to her and she thinks Cyrus is my boyfriend and you are TJ's girlfriend. Then she told us to invite you guys for dinner. So we need you guys to help us to pretend to be happy straight couples for one night."

Cyrus and Andi share matching faces of shock. Cyrus says "You guys know how crazy this sounds, right?"

"Cy," TJ says pleasingly. "Our family isn't like yours or Andi's. Our parents, and especially our grandparents, are so anti-gay." There is almost a shared pain in the Kippen kids eyes as he speaks.

Cyrus' voice softens. "I know, Teej. I'm sorry. I will do it, if it will help you guys out."

Amber looks at Andi. "Bambi? What do you say?"

Andi smiles at the blonde haired girl staring at her. "Of course. I still think it is crazy but anything to help."

In that moment, TJ and Amber knew how lucky they were to have such amazing partners. The rest of the night was spent planning for Sunday. They needed to get everything right.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

The night they had been dreading finally arrived. They were having Andi and Cyrus meet them at their grandparent's house right before dinner. They figured, the less time they had to act out this charade in front of their family, the better.

Dinner was set to start at 7, and like clock work, Cyrus and Andi show knock on the front door around quarter til. When the kids open the door, Cyrus has a bouquet in his hands. He hands it to Amber and says "My lady. " TJ laughs to himself at the obvious show Cyrus is putting on. 

"Thank you, Cy." She smiles. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees Andi wink, tipping her off to the fact that Andi picked those out. She blushes at that thought. Just then their grandfather walks up and slaps his arms around his grandkids' shoulders. 

"See TJ, that's how you treat a lady." He smiles and jokingly continues to TJ, "This young man is really showing you up bringing  flowers for Amber and you didn't get anything for this beautiful girl." He motions to Andi.

"What can I say. Grandpa? Cyrus really knows how to make a girl happy. " All four kids crack a knowing smile at the absurdity of it all.

"Well let's get you kids out of the doorway. We are about to eat." Amber and TJ nod as their grandfather speaks.

TJ moves forward and puts his arm around Andi's shoulder. They both try to look as if this is normal but aren't quite sure they are convincing. TJ hurriedly walks her to the table. Amber grabs Cyrus' hand and follows her brother and girlfriend.

They quickly sit around the long table. Andi and TJ on one side, and Amber and Cyrus on the other. The adults filled in the spaces in between as the begin to eat. It isn't long before their grandmother starts interrogating their "dates." Their parents stay quiet for the most part, letting their grandmother lead the conversation.

She starts with Andi. "Andi, that's an interesting name."

"Yeah, I guess." Andi awkwardly replies, not knowing what to say to that.

"A girl with such a unique name must have an exciting life. Tell me about yourself, dear."

"Well, I go to SAVA and focus on painting and sculpture. But I also love photography." Amber looks intently on Andi as she speaks. The way she always does, like she is holding onto every word. 

"Really?" Their grandma seems genuinely interested, as well as the other adults there. There dad asks, "What is your favorite thing to photograph?"

"I love doing candid shots of people, like I got this really great shot of Amber a few weeks ago." As soon as she realizes what she said, she freezes.

But it doesn't seem to phase anyone. Their grandfather says "Doesn't surprise me, our Amber could be a model. Isn't that right, Cyrus?" He elbows the brunette boy next to him, smiling. 

"Yes sir. She is beautiful." Cyrus smiles before taking Amber's hand over the table. What no one sees is he and TJ playing footsie across the table.

TJ gets the hint that he should probably say something. "Andi's pictures are amazing. She has these great pictures of all her friends. Like there is this really good one of Cyrus on the swings and it's like black and white. It's such a good picture." Andi smiles.

"Teej, you know I hate that one." Cyrus replies.

As if she was speaking for TJ, Amber replies "You know how much I love that picture. You look so cute." TJ looks down and smiles to himself. 

Their grandmother clears her throat. "Anyhow, what about you Cyrus? What do you got going on?"

"Well, I write for the school newspaper and am in the drama club."

Mrs. Kippen, their mother speaks for the first time all night. "I used to write for Grant's newspaper back in my day. What do you write on?" She grins.

"Mainly I'm assigned sports, specifically basketball related news since I am at every game anyhow."

"You like basketball?" Their grandfather questions.

"Not really sure. But I understand  it a lot better now. I am at all the girl's games because our friend, Buffy is on the team. And of course I am at the boy's games because of TJ." Their grandmother shoots him a questioning look.  "You know, Andi is my best friend so of course she drags me along to see her boyfriend play." He says, saving them from an awkward situation.

Dinner continues on without any more close calls. The teens all play their part well. That is until desert. Their grandmother brought out a decadent pie she baked. Everyone was welcome to cut off a slice. Cyrus goes to cut a small slice, when the knife slips, cutting his finger. He hisses in pain as he brings the finger to his face to examine the cut.

Without thinking, when he sees Cyrus hurt herself, TJ blurts out. "Are you okay, Muffin?" The room goes silent and TJ's heart drops.

His grandmother coldly asks "Why did you just call this boy, muffin?"

TJ looks down before saying, "I need to go." He dashes out of the room and to the backyard. As he does, Amber notices the look of sadness and fear in his face. She has now switched to full on protective sibling mode. Meanwhile Cyrus, without hesitation goes after him.

The old woman turns her attention to Amber. "What is going on?" Their parents look at the girl in equal confusion.

Amber takes a deep breath before standing up from the table. Andi looks at her, waiting to follow her lead. "Grandma, I know you know what is going on."

Her grandmother plays dumb. "What are you talking about?"

"Come on, it's the elephant in the room that none of you want to talk about. I see the way grandma and grandpa look at me and TJ." She turns to her parents. "I see the way you two look at us, so how about you ask me?"

"Ask you what, young lady?" Her mother replies.

"Ask me if I am a lesbian, mom." Her mother turns away, refusing to meet her daughter's eyes. Andi takes this as her cue to walk around the table and stand behind Amber, ready to be her support.

Through clenched teeth, Amber commands again. "ASK ME IF I'M GAY."

Her grandmother speaks next. "Don't  talk to your parents like that!"

"Well then, how about I talk to you like that,  then?! Grandma, you know the truth! I see it in your eyes. You know what I am. What TJ is!"

"Amber! Calm yourself!" The older woman replies. "We are not going to discuss this! You have no idea what you are talking about!"

"Yes, we are!" The blonde explodes. Tears mixed with anguish and rage stream down her face. "I'm tired of not talking about this! I'm tired of pretending! You need to accept that you have two QUEER grandkids." She turns to her parents. "You have two QUEER kids." Neither of her parents look at her. Her grandfather stares at his plate. The only person staring at her is her grandmother.

In a calm, icy voice, the woman speaks. "You are a disgrace. This behavior is embarrassing and honestly I feel bad for you. You are so confused." Amber freezes, hoping her parents stand up for her but no one speaks. Tears fall harder.

No one, but Andi. Andi grabs Amber's hand. The younger girl says defyingly. "Amber is the best person I know. She loves harder than anyone I know. She puts her heart out there and trusted me enough to protect it." Andi smiles softly before her features contort to anger as she stares at the adults around her."She deserves the world, not a family who treats her like this. I never want to see her cry, especially at the hands of the people that should love her the most."

The room is quiet. Andi starts to pull Amber to the backyard where the boys are.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Meanwhile, Cyrus had followed TJ outside. TJ slams his fist into the banister on the back patio. "Fuck. I messed up everything."

Cyrus comes up behind him and wraps his arms around the older boy. He rests his head on his shoulder. "You didn't mess up anything."

"Cy, I slipped up. They are all going to know." His voice cracks.

"You are fine, Teej. They are the ones who forced you to lie."

TJ looks down trying to hold himself together. Cyrus slips his hands off TJ so he can get to the side of him so they could look at each other, with TJ turning his body so they staring face-to-face. When he sees the fear in TJ's face and eyes, polluting every beautiful part of him, it breaks his heart. They both hear yelling from the inside. Amber is confronting the family.

"Oh god…" TJ says guiltily. "I just left Amber in there to deal with this. Now I'm an even bigger fuck up."

Before Cyrus could answer, they hear Andi defending Amber and TJ smiles if only for a moment. Cyrus whispers, "Hey you know the same goes for you too. You don't deserve to have your family hurt you. You deserve only love." Cyrus promises. Instinctively, TJ buries his face into Cyrus' shoulder as the brunette wraps his arms around TJ. 

Just then, Andi and Amber walk outside. Andi is holding onto Amber like she is trying to keep the other girl from falling into pieces. They step closer. "Cy?" Andi asks.

"Yea?" Cyrus whispers in return. 

"Let's get out of here. I think we all know they aren't sleeping at their house tonight." 

 

Cyrus nods. That night, all 4 of them had a sleepover at Andi's. They weren't sure on the plan for the next day. But that night, all that mattered was being together.

#andi mack #Tyrus #ambi #tj kippen #amber kippen #cyrus goodman #Andi #disaster gay TJ #disaster lesbian Amber #Amber is the lesbian queen who deserves the world.

[masterthespianduchovny]

The Identity Politics of Snape

Years ago, I read an opinion that part of Snape hate is because he was largely believed to be a pure blood for years. Although we all know by now that this isn’t the case, I firmly because that, despite his half blood identity, people still subconsciously view Snape as a pureblood. 

Now, many can and will deny it, but if we knew that Snape was halfblooded from the start, would we still be talking about how he’s a wizarding nazi? Would we still loathe him because of the decision he made as a teen?

I get it, he’s a teen, he should know better than that, right?

But, it’s more complicated than someone needing to know better. People often forget how casually racist the wizarding community was on the ‘GOOD’ side. For comparison, in the USA it’s like the North v the South. Yea, at a point in time, the South was straight up blatantly racist (and, in some parts, they still are), but they North is racist in a not-in-your-face type of way. And, at times, they can be more racist than the South. They may be “kinder” about it, but it’s still there.

So, when it comes to the wizarding world, we’re simply condemning Snape for siding with the blatantly racist side opposed to the casually racist people. Hell, it’s like the U.S. TODAY. It’s wrong to say you hate minorities, but it’s okay to make stereotypical statements to be prejudicial against them.

I’m simply framing context here because this race conversation in the HP fandom is so basic and elementary that it’s laughable. Seriously. 

How so?

For many years, the muggle prejudice has been compared to the U.S. brand of racism, which is an important distinction (and nazism). As an American black person, that comparison isn’t one to take lightly or casually overlook that significance of said comparison all to shit on a character other dislike because it’s cool and trendy. That’s a serious and multilayered comparison due to the complexities and long lasting effects of racism in America beginning with slavery.

For those who don’t understand what being biracial means in America, which many do not, it’s an ugly double edged sword. Some white people will treat you better because you have white blood, but you’re still a nigger. Others will treat you like shit because you have “nigger blood.” That’s why the phrase “nigger lover” exists--proximity to blackness or the defense of it is unacceptable to some; being partially black or full white is irrelevant is you look black or you’re okay with blackness. 

To argue that since Snape is biracial he gets the full benefits of his wizarding side is fallacious, especially when comparing it to American racism. Actual biracial people have flat out said the white side of their family either treated them differently due to their blackness, including their parents, and/or said racist shit to them about black people. Some of these biracial people internalized those hateful beliefs because they didn’t have anything to counter it OR the white part of their family was more influential.

Furthermore, prejudice like this especially wins out when the SOCIETY and CULTURE you live in is racist as well. Snape developed his prejudicial beliefs before he came to Hogwarts*, but the racism in his society already existed before he got there and that was even from the “good” side. It also wins out when it’s unchecked. Bullying Snape isn’t checking racism--confronting his beliefs does.

Some will argue, “Well, being half blood isn’t like being biracial--they don’t know he’s a half blood” and this is where I say, “you’re wrong.”

Chicago is a big city--like the third largest in the U.S (I’m not 100% sure). But, it’s pretty freaking huge. Those who have lived there for decades can tell you stories about their community and the history of the city. My brother told me the story about two competing grocery stores with similar names. My mother had stories--hell, my aunts and uncles too--about people from their neighborhood who went on to be famous. The details that they know and the intricate story that they can tell about a city full of millions of people is fascinating. 

The wizarding community is small--dangerously small--the idea that Snape could pretend to be a pure blood is ridiculous in a society that cares about blood purity. You think he can just say his mom is Eileen Prince and not reveal his father? You think they won’t ask about his last name and have small talk about this kid Severus Snape with the mysterious wizarding father?

Do you all honestly believe that?

Many of you probably do and that’s because you all don’t understand racism, despite trying to use this against Snape as to why you hate him and why he’s evil.

Do you know how many racist people have black spouses and black children and fuck black people, but fucking LOATHE black people? You’d be surprised. There is a severe cognitive dissonance going on with them. Hell, some fucking Neo nazi literally befriended a black man in prison and trusted him to tell his life story, then some grand wizard or some shit SIGNED a fucking KKK chapter over to said black man RECENTLY. I mean within the last year or so.

But, they’re RACIST!

Right???

Racism is illogical, so racists behave illogically.

Voldemort is a freaking HALF BLOOD and these pure blood wizards are following and worshipping him. Voldemort literally tried to recruit Lily--a FUCKING muggle into his cause. LMFAO.

Where is this going?

Wannabe DE’s befriended Snape because he was a half blood, but also, that doesn’t mean he was fully accepted. It means that he shared their beliefs to an extent, but he was also half them, so they were okay with that.

But, on Snape’s end, being a “minority” or “biracial” is a lifetime of navigating identity and the politics behind it. And people forget that he’s half muggle just because he was accepted. They could’ve easily turned on him in a heartbeat without a second thought. They had no issues with full bloods being killed--hell, even family--but, y’all think that somehow Snape is exempt because he was a half blood??? 

Snape had to live with those niggas--he literally only had himself, but we expect him to make a noble decision at 15, despite almost everyone else making selfish and fucked up decisions at his age.

People conveniently gloss over that Snape was literally fighting for his fucking life as Lily fought against an abstract threat while at Hogswarts. Lily never got bullied--”But, other muggles did.” AGAIN: Lily never got bullied OR threatened. Snape was bullied, sexually assaulted, and almost fucking killed all while being threatened into silence. You expect him to put her life over his? Seriously?

What makes this dynamic even worse is that James literally has no place telling Snape anything about race or identity and that’s on that. Especially when James is one of his bullies. Neither does Sirius or Remus. None of them motherfuckers have any right or moral ground to say shit to Snape when they could’ve easily spoke to Snape opposed to bullying him or standing by as it happened.

*Snape’s prejudice against Muggles was born from the hatred of his father, a muggle, who he was powerless against. This isn’t to excuse his behavior, but contextualize it. Abuse victims want to feel powerful (read: in control of their life). Magic gave him that power. When being in the wizarding world, he learned that having magic wasn’t enough so he sided with a group that “supported” him and would give him power. Even though people will argue that this is head canon, the text supports this better than Rowling say post books Snape joined to impress Lily. Snape was already on the path to joining unless he’d be always trying to impress Lily.

Furthermore, I’d argue that Snape’s prejudice was more complicated than “hating muggles.”

His prejudice was largely tied to hating his dad and the fight for power. Besides rumors, which it’s called rumors for a reason, there is no definitive proof that Snape actually hated muggles. If Snape was this flat out “racist” person, he would’ve been open about that. “But, but....Lily.”

Again, y'all don’t understand the nuances of racism. There was a viral story about how this white man was in a full blown relationship with a black woman and went on a racist tirade about black people TO HER. Then, in her face he said that she was “different.” Straight up racist people do not hide that they are racist. They make exceptions for the minorities who are “different” from the group that they hate. The idea that Snape would put on this whole charade to make Lily believe he isn’t racist is hilarious. 

“But, he called her a mud blood!” 

Yes, he did. Snape was complicated and had complicated and confusing feelings as a child/teen. BUT, someone who is a full blown racist doesn’t do what Snape did. Snape had prejudicial beliefs, but he, like his beliefs, were more complicated than simply hating muggles because he was half muggle himself and his relationship with muggles weren’t clear cut either.

We’re also assigning power to Snape that he didn’t and never had. 

Think about the power Omarosa had in the White House and look had easily that was taken away. For minorities, power can be taken away with a snap of a finger. Look a Brett Kavanaugh...despite his bad behavior (in school and during the hearing), he was given a lifetime position with great power as SCOTUS. That should tell you all you need to know about power.

Must we forget that many of those Death Eaters didn’t even trust Snape and he was only protected because Voldemort slightly trusted him???

Also, people’s insistence to call Snape a racist as an adult is utterly ridiculous, especially when they say James and Sirius were reformed bullies. James “magically” changed over a year, but a man who spent 18 years undercover and checking a fucking picture about using mudblood is STILL a fucking “racist?”

FrFr?

I know people like to argue that he was playing both sides to see who won, but that literally doesn’t make any sense. 

Like, AT ALL.

Why?

Because, he had the whole thing in the bag with old VOLDIE. Because of Snape’s love for Lily (however you read that), HE was the reason the war went on as long as it did. If Snape kept his mouth shut, “Happy Voldemort Day!”

If Snape had a change of heart AT ANY POINT DURING THE SERIES, “HAPPY VOLDEMORT DAY!”

I don’t think his detractors understand how pivotal Snape was in Harry’s success--all of the way to the end. Even to Snape’s dying breath he was important to Harry defeating Voldemort.

But, he was playing both sides to see who won???

Lastly: Snape was also coded as jewish.

In Snape, Rowling has created a angry villain who has a hooked nose, greasy dark hair, sallow skin and glittering dark eyes, an inscrutable, sneering, untrustworthy double agent – who hisses.  

https://sabbathmeals.typepad.com/sabbath_meals/2005/08/i_am_going_to_t.html

People have also touches on Snape’s hygiene, his lineage stemming from his mother side, and many other things people are more familiar can touch on.

The fact that he can be read and coded as marginalized and demonized groups is incredibly telling considering how demonized HE is. Snape is also very queer coded as well.

Others can go into more length about these other two identities since they aren’t my own, but it’s fascinated that someone coded in such a way is the most demonized and polarizing character--more so than the actual villain. 

I wonder if it’s representative of people who take offense to complex minority characters with complex goals who aren’t pure and good, but only serves to prop up others. White are the characters who are white can make morally grey or reprehensible decisions and behaviors be excuses, but Scape’s behavior cannot be contextualized even though it isn’t justified. People will bring up bullying, which is a valid issue, but they often steer into Fanon interpretations, which are often fabrications based on nothing and feel justified in their hate.

I wonder if these are the same people who defend Liam Neeson’s behavior from the past, yet condemn a fictional character in the same breath? 

Gosh, this isn’t touching on how fucking poor Snape is.

@halfbakedsnape

#Severus snape #pro snape #snapedom #snape

[shijiujun]

history3 ep 19 summary - GEMS, GEMS AND MORE GEMS, EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED

ALRIGHT! Summary today! You guys already know all the important gems of the story because I’ve been fucking yelling all night I apologise sincerely for the spam guys I truly do I know how annoying it can be but I’m so excited!!!!

We start off with TY already in fucking handcuffs and Zhao Zi standing there all hovering against the wall, and TY is obviously regretful as hell and so remorseful and also once again catatonic because his SF is in the hospital again because of him, and this time DIRECTLY BECAUSE OF HIM - although i’m super curious, in between everything when did TY have time to call zz? you know?!!! and zz turns up and he’s like OHHHH FUCKKKK and: “okay guys, one of you take ah zhi, and hi tang yi, sorry gotta handcuff ya, oops”

OMG MY HANDSOME DR JIANG IS BACK!!! he’s such a sassy little bitch i love it so much!! anw he comes out and his face is like ‘guys can’t you just give me a fucking break’ and then zz takes one good look and goes: “i’ll leave you both to talk”

dr jiang says: “you look worse than the guy who was actually shot, in there” and then sits down next to TY

ty asks how he is and LMAO dr jiang is all like: “how else can he be?! he’s awake and asking for HIS MAN (like literally, dr jiang said HIS MAN) and lol i just died (more gems from dr jiang: i think that police officer, his brain is sick, only then he’ll actually want to be with you) - anw basically dr jiang is telling TY that with TY being so adamant on revenge, it’s only SF that’s willing to be with him, and if TY continues to be like this, the only person who’ll get hurt is SF

AND DR JIANG STANDS UP TO TAKE A CALL AND HE IS FACE TIMING THE BROTHER OF THE EX-WIFE FROM RIGHT OR WRONG?!! CUTE AS HELL - IS THIS A HINT? I LOVE CROSS OVERS

then TY goes inside the room and that’s when he hears the beeping - the emergency patient beep? and that’s when we see TY scrambling over like a little chick in panic because he’s afraid SF is dead, and then he’s just shaking SF and SF is not responsive at all?! and then poor TY is about to do CPR (although yea TY babe maybe you might have wanted to call dr jiang or smth?!!!!) and that’s when shao fei goes: “if you worry about me, then don’t let me die”

FIRSTLY - SHITTY JOKE BECAUSE TY WAS ABOUT TO CRY HE WAS SNIFFLING ALR SHAO FEI!!!

SECONDLY - TY YOU SHOT HIM, SO OKAY, FINE, SF IS ENTITLED TO A JOKE OR TWO

omg it’s so tender and sweet the way SF grabs TY to sit down and then leaning his cheek against his shoulder and trying to convince ty that killing ah zhi is a bad idea you know?

and then ty stands up, walks away dramatically, and then promises sf that he’ll hand He hand and ah zhi over to the police

AND THAT’S WHY SF IS SO TOUCHED AND THEN HE JUST MOVES FOR THE KISS BECAUSE HE IS SO THANKFUL AND HE LOVES TY

and then OMFUCKINGGOD - HANDCUFFS + KISS IS A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN I LOVE THE WAY HE JUST, HE JUST-

TY LITERALLY JUST BROUGHT HIM CLOSER

SEXY!!!! YOU GO TANG YI

and then if you’ve seen my gifs alr, zz cockblocks them and turns up and goes: “i gotta take him”

ahahahah and then cue to emo team 3 scene and I FEEL YOU YU QI I FEEL YOU she’s like a metaphor for the fandom right now: anw zhao zi, jun wei and yu qi are there and they’re all drinking and yu qi is literally just sobbing about how the team is only left with them, and zz and yq are angry at chief and ah zhi for being corrupt basically

zz drinks and drinks (jun wei, responsible member of the party), and then he is a bit tipsy and walks home, and then he comes to this stairs area where jack is waiting (JACK DO YOU GOT SOME GPS ON ZZ?!) and jack looks at him carefully and goes: “you’ve been drinking? you’re not happy?”

poor zz is all: “of course not! i’m happy. i found out that when ppl have motives, they actually have another face, a facade - just based on this, i should celebrate, no?” /CUE MY HEART BREAKING

so zz is saying that he became a policemen because he wanted to do good things, to protect people, but look at chief and ah zhi?! 

and then they kinda sit down on the stairs, and jack says: “i’m here to tell you that i have to go” and then that’s when zz says all those words that we heard in the trailer? (so i think they overlayed this angsty dialogue with the footage from tmr where zz shrugs off jack’s hand on him as they go home)

and zz is all why do you all have to go? everyone is leaving me - grandma, chief, ah zhi, and now you? and then he’s totally tearing up and OMG MY SMOL BEAN?!!!! - yeah he’s all that and then jack asks: “if you tell me not to go, i’ll stay for you”

OMGAHHH?!!!

so zz says: “don’t go”

AND THEN THEY KISS?!!!! AND THEN THEY KISS AND HUG AND CARESS AND WE END OFF THE SCENE WITH ZZ curling up against jack’s shoulder I LOVE IT!!!!

next scene is police chief - okay can i pls say that, for someone who’s actually a criminal albeit treated with some leniency because he owned up to his crimes, THAT IS A FUCKING NICE PRISONER’S ROOM?!!! like wow, taiwan police system, amazing

anw shao fei turns up IN THE FUCKING DAPPER SUIT?!!! altho i would prefer him in a single coloured suit, he should leave those lines and patterns to TY, also WHERE IS MY TY DROOLING OVER SF IN A SUIT SCENE?!! WHERE?! WHY DID U ROB ME OF THAT?!!!!

also that bow tie is damn fucking big is it just me

anw so xiao ya got married, and SF took a long video for chief to see, and chief is crying and everything (okay srsly if i knew my dad was a criminal and everything and was about to see jail time i would have cancelled the wedding because NOOOO DAD!!! but that’s just me) - also xiao ya and shao fei sibling-ish moments?!!! WHERE ARE THESE?!

anw sf and chief have a heart to heart talk, and that’s when chief says: “ah fei, actually, i hated you.”

CUE SF’S DISTRAUGHT FACE>?!!!!

and chief explains that it’s because he was so persistent, when everyone had dropped it he insisted on going after tang yi and then shao fei says: “but lao da, you didn’t stop me either”

lao da: “yeah, i didn’t”

sf: “and that’s because, even though you chose to be a father to xiao ya with your decision, you didn’t give up being a policeman, even with what you did. that’s why you didn’t stop me”

and awwww chief cries and sf sits next to him and they just comfort each other I LIVE FOR THIS SHIT!!!

(although guys, srsly, what is with this long time skips? what’s going on? what day is it? what time is it?!!!)

next scene back at the police station, the rest of team 3 are clearing up ah zhi and chief’s stuff, and they all look miserable as fuck, and then GOOD AND SUPPORTIVE GIRL YU QI asks sf about how tang yi is, and here we find out tang yi is under house arrest pending the investigation results. yu qi asks, what if he goes to jail?

sf looks so sad at that but he says: “i’ll wait for him”

and then zz runs in and asks everyone if they’ve heard of the new hire, for the captain position? AND ISTG I THINK THIS MAY BE JACK?!!!!

next scene, our boy sf is meeting up upstanding citizen, recently turned dad CWH, and wow the sunlight on them, the lack of a shady setting and hair all styled nicely does a lot of things for a person HAHAHAHAHA - SF carefully calls him ‘uncle’ and then they talk about li zhen, and CWH has only praise for SF, that when everyone had written LZ off as a dirty cop only sf was clearing her name - THE IN LAW IS IMPRESSED GUYS!!! and then they get to talking about tang yi, and CWH is all self-pitying and dejected: “i just found my son but... i guess he and i, we can’t ever have a proper father and son relationship, can we?”

AWWWWW and this is when THERAPIST!SHAOFEI comes in, istg he’s been comforting everyone and solving everyone’s problems, amazing - he says something along the lines of: “ty needs a lot of love, so don’t give up”

and just from that line alone cwh knows that: “so you... and ty... are..?”

AHAHAHAHAHA IM DYING - and then SF gets all determined and says: “yeah we’re together”

cwh: LAUGHS “i’ve got no place to say anything, thank you for being by his side” - WOOHOOOOO CWH APPROVES OF HIS DAUGHTER-IN-LAW AMAZING

and then they fucking hug

oh god, this is one of the best hugs of the damn show

i swear to god, the best hug goes to cwh-sf, can you frickin imagine?!!!!! the tight, comforting hug?!!! do you know that?! that’s all i ever wanted from my CPs?!!!! but no we get it between father in law and son in law WHY!!! i mean it was really great i loved it but GOOD HUGS ARE SOMETIMES BETTER THAN SEX

BACK TO OMELETTE SCENE - so obviously even tho ty is under house arrest, sf has free pass to go in and out of the house, and they’re so sweet with one another

ty: “why did you go and bother with that old man?!”

and sf is all trying to mend the relationship between them, to remind ty that it’s okay to take ur time, but you’ve got a second chance (or third, actually), so you may regret it if you miss this opp. - and tang yi considers this, then changes the subject over food AS ALWAYS

the “I LOVE YOU” part comes up (pls see gifs) - and they’re all so sweet with each other?!!!! and just as sf is about to go in for more, ty is like “hey, don’t mess around, we gotta do our omelettes first” AND SHAO FEI HONESTLY JUST POUTS!!!! I FEEL YA SF 

and okay is it just me or do the omelettes look not so nice - the right side one especially AAHAHAHAHAHA and they banter over putting the ‘dead face’ on the omelette and sf is all: “i’ve taught you so many times!!! there must be a smile!!! why did you put that?!!” AND THEY LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER

and then we get the next scene, OKAY SO THIS IS THE PART WHERE I WAS LIKE WTF WRITERS DID U GUYS REALLY GO THERE?!!!

FIRSTLY, THEY BLURRED THE COMIC ZZ IS READING ON HIS BED 

SECONDLY, HIS HAND ACTION? ARE U KIDDING ME?

SO HE’S BASICALLY READING WEIRD STUFF AND LIKE jerking himself off?!!!!!!!! like okay writers, we could have done without this scene, srsly, i mean either you do it entirely OR YOU DONT - IN THIS CASE I PREFERRED - DON’T!!!!!

EDIT: OKAY SO HE WASN’T - went back to look at the shot after and yes i was blind - but they really were setting it up for that!!! come on so suggestive that under blanket hand movement?!!!! i’m glad it wasn’t but OMG MY EYES for a moment i wanted to die but our zz is pure and he wasn’t touching anything weird sorry guys bad eyesight

then jack turns up at his house with a bag (that LOOKS DAMN LIGHT?! JACK WTF WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES DID U TURN UP WITH AN EMPTY BAG?!) 

so jack basically moves himself in - amazing

OHANA GUYS OHANA MEANS NO ONE GETS LEFT BEHIND!!!!

and they kiss, and jack bend zz backwards on the table (hygiene, but then again, jack will clean up anyway)

QUESTIONS:

would have love to find out more about LZ and TGD and wtf was going on properly - it’s hinted at but LOOPHOLES GALORE

ALL THE SCENES I WANTED ARE OUT - WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENIGN TMR?!

omg today was 35 min, and i fricking pray that tmr at least will be 15-20 min LIKE IF U END IT IN 5 MINUTES, we’re all gonna die, then i prefer if we’ve shifted scenes from today to tomorrow

although i have some hope because they’ve got to resolve still, jack and zz, and then ty’s ‘sentence’ if there is, and then grave scene and then the sex scenes if we do get them as promised, idc if we get them or not AS LONG AS WE GET AT LEAST 15-20 MIN WORTH OF CONTENT TOMORROW!!

#history 3: 圈套 #history3圈套 #history 3: trapped #history3: trap #history3 spoilers #spoilers #summary #SECOND LAST ONE EVER GUYS #IM DISTRAUGHT MYSELF

[gaspbrat]

Senior Year Hues

not blues

au where IT is just a normal travelling clown.

Georgie is alive and well.

As is the prom haze.

warnings: angery jealous eds, swearing

ENJOy, I don’t know why I never posted this. Undoubtedly was part of an entire series.

wc: 3500+

Gretchen Tozier was a beloved and respected 1968 partially black Barracuda “carefully” handed down through the family. Gifted to Richie’s uncle in ‘71, pawned off on Richie’s dad following his uncle’s first DUI and the damage that came with it in January of '72.

Two matte grey mismatched panels on the driver side door and the front bumper were added, hoped to be finished by '73 so Richie’s older sister could joyride through her senior year, seven years later. Thanksgiving that same year, though, dear Uncle Andy rolled through Derry again. He borrowed the car for about twenty-six minutes before overturning it on an embankment near Neibolt. Gretchen was towed, fixed and released back to his father a few months later. His uncle spent the night in the drunk tank, receiving his second and final DUI. Andy hasn’t returned to Derry or their lives since.

To his sister’s distaste, she would not be able to take it a few hundred miles down the coast to college with her like she had hoped. His parents told her she needed to buy her own, especially with her living on campus. She does, a beat up ‘88 Mitsubishi with peeling forest green paint and a bumper that didn’t match.

Richie, upon turning 15, bought her off of his dad for fifty dollars and a pay stub in '91. She has been appreciated properly for the next three wonderful years. Only the finest of company near Ol’ Gretchie.

Eddie definitely hated the ridiculous, loud, obnoxious piece of junk. He definitely didn’t end up falling for that piece of junk just like he did with its driver. Out of the question.

He didn’t get excited when he heard the rhythmic drumming of the old engine approaching his street from a block away.

He most certainly did not love the homey fabric of the seats with endless rips in them or the faint lingering smell of the little trees Richie puts up to mask the ghost of cigarettes past. (Eddie is almost certain they aren’t Richie’s, but if they were he knew Richie would never admit it.)

Eddie did not love that car. Whatsoever. But he did find a place in his heart for all the memories made with it. With him.

So when Richie told him he had to take it to the dump, Eddie nearly lost it.

“What do you mean you’re trashing it, I thought you loved that thing?!”

“Eds, why are you getting so upset, I thought you hated it?”

“I do (not), but… it’s sad seeing you just get rid of it like that.”

“You’re gonna miss ol’ Gretchie aren’t you, spaghetti?”

Richie knew his car didn’t actually need to be trashed entirely it just needed a few major repairs that he knew he would never be able to afford. At least not soon; not for another three months until he could save enough. And if Eddie found out he’d dump his savings into that thing no question. His little hypochondriac was far too good to  him. Even if he wasn’t his yet.

Eddie always was ready to help Richie any way he could, he knew that wholeheartedly, but his stupid damn pride would not allow it.

Richie took up working overtime on the weekends just so he could get back to driving his little Eddie bear around Derry as soon as possible.

Gretchen was a staple in the Tozier’s Promposals. She accompanied his parents to their prom. He was not about to break this tradition just because of his bank account. Eddie deserved the best carriage for his first prom. He was going to have to swallow his pride and buckle in for the most agonizing waiting game of his life, so far.

“Hey, Richie,” Eddie called over to his friend, remembering an invitation he was to extend, snapping Richie from his brooding, “Bill’s having a sleepover tonight, did you want to go? He said you can pick the movie.”

Eddie’s smile was so genuine and hopeful the he almost said yes just so he could keep that smile right where it belonged always but he remembered he had to close tonight and work the mid shift tomorrow. And Bill never let him pick the movies, ever.

“Wish I could but I work tonight. Sorry, buddy.” he patted Eddie’s shoulder and gave him a weak smile.

“You’ll get along without me though, won’t you, Eds?”

“I guess… yea.”

Richie immediately wanted to take it back just to see that smile. Just to see those damn dimples.

He seemed to have gotten his wish when he noticed those big brown eyes light up.

“What about tomorrow? We could go see that movie you wanted to see?”

Again, almost horrendously, Eddie looked so hopeful to be spending time with him that Richie’s frozen heart thawed, just slightly.

“My old man wants me to help him get my sister’s junk out of the house and down to her dorm this weekend, shit, I’m really sorry Eds.”

Richie really really hoped Eddie would leave at that but of course not. He really wanted trashmouth to suffer even if he didn’t know he was suffering.

“..I could help?”

Eddie knew he just grasping at straws here but he really missed being annoyed by this dumb stupid asshole every day even though he would never tell him that.

“Eds, I’d love for you to,” the smaller boy’s eyes twinkled, “but there probably wouldn’t be enough room?”

He knew he didn’t sound convincing. Not at all. He just didn’t want to think about it anymore. He wanted to just get work done so he could get paid and then never ever ever have to see this look on Eddie’s face again.

“Oh. Yea, you-you’re probably right, um, sorry I asked. Maybe next week, I guess.” Eddie decided it was best to just give him his space at that point, turning away from him, trying to end the conversation.

“Eds, wait-”

“Stop fucking calling me Eds.”

Richie didn’t see Eddie for the rest of the weekend after he dropped him off at Bill’s that night. Partially from working almost the entire weekend, partially because Eddie had avoided him as much as he could.

Somehow Eddie managed to steer clear of anything remotely related to Richie that next Tuesday.

The taller boy caught a couple glimpses of him the previous school day but he would disappear before anything could be said between them.

Richie sauntered over to the rest of the losers at lunch to find Eddie absent like the day before.

“Hey, where’s Spaghedward?”

“We thought you would know, didn’t you guys just have chem?” Ben answered from beside Stan.

“Yea but he darted off somewhere in a hurry. I thought he’d be here.” Richie turned around hoping to spot Eddie coming from the bathroom or something.

“He seemed kind of upset when I talked to him earlier, what’s going on?” Beverly interjected after swallowing her first spoon of peach yogurt.

Stan ate in silence while the others discussed what could be wrong. He eyed Richie with what others would call just blatant disgust but hid it behind his thermos of chicken noodle soup.

“Yo, Stan, what do you think?” Richie finally asked him directly. He knew something.

“I think you should talk to him.” Ben responded before realizing he wasn’t the one with the answer Richie wanted.

“I second that. Talk to him.” Mike said around his turkey and cheddar sandwich.

Beverly and Bill simply nodded as they picked through their lunches.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Stan very quietly said, focusing pointedly on his sandwich.

“Why not?” Richie started to get impatient. Stan knew something he didn’t and it was clearly upsetting enough that Stan couldn’t hide his distaste. More than usual.

“He clearly just wants some space, I think you should respect that, okay?”

Stan started to raise his voice slightly and that immediately made Richie eight times more concerned knowing that Stan, of all people, was trying to keep Eddie away from him. Stan quickly picked up his tray and dumped it into the trash before heading down one of the halls.

Richie gave Beverly a kick under the table.

She initially was annoyed but softened when she saw the beat up Docs that had kicked her, nodding without a word. She kicked back twice, the second kick stronger than the first.

“Ow,”

“What, Richie?” Bill raised his head.

“Nothing just kicking myself.”

Lunch proceeded in near silence. Richie was silent for once while the others gossiped about their classes. He was debating the decision to ditch his last period to be early for work. Craig would appreciate him showing up and relieving him early, anyway.

The others returned to their classes and the day sailed by. After school most of them, save for Richie and Mike, met up by the racks to see each other off. Beverly and Ben made a plan to head to the library to cram for their English final tomorrow morning. Bill was planning on tagging along but decided to spend some time with Georgie instead.

Stan knew he didn’t want Ben to third wheel, even though it was evident Bill would be the outlier.

“Bye guys, see you Monday!” Eddie called to the other three losers as he and Stan got on their bikes to head home.

“Oh, hey can we stop by the store really quick? I need to pick up some more of the Nutty Buddies for my mom.”

“Sure.” Eddie didn’t think twice about the grocery run given Mrs. Uris had an acute craving for peanut butter after four.

He was unaware, however, that Stan had set a plan in motion.

Just so happens that the general store was directly across the street from the arcade. Eddie immediately got excited and thought to tell Stan they should go say hi to Richie. Then he remembered Richie telling him he had to help his sister today and brushed it off.

The two went inside to pick up the Nutty Buddies. Stan bought a kit-kat and a bag of chips for him to eat after dinner later.

“I don’t know how you can eat all that junk Stan, how do you sleep at night with your teeth just-,” Eddie stopped nagging momentarily as something outside of the store caught his attention. A dark green, vaguely familiar, car pulled up outside the arcade.

He saw Richie pop out and walk into the arcade with a can of Shasta cola in his hand and a snickers hanging from his mouth, leaving who Eddie assumed was his sister to drive off.

Weird. Thought she would still be in New York right about now.

“Eddie whats going on? You stopped yelling at me.”

“Shut up Stan, look!”

Eddie pointed out the window towards a car he noticed was parked every other season in the driveway.

“Wait, I thought you said he was helping his sister.” Stan inquires further, knowing far better.

“He said he was.” Eddie was immediately disappointed for a reason he wasn’t sure of yet.

Their investigation was put on hold while the clerk rang up their items. She tried starting small talk but Stan just replied curtly with, “Not interested, thank you” while waving a twenty in her general direction.

Eddie supplied a ‘thanks’ to Stan for buying the goods without once looking away from the arcade, observing a cloud of teenage girls huddled in a corner. Their ring leader was approaching the glass and Eddie started to feel dread at the pit of his stomach. He nudged Stan and then started bagging erratically.

They gathered the items and bolted out the door, trying to make sure they could see Richie through the glass without him seeing them.

“Wait, who’s that girl?” Eddie said after a long period of silence.

“Looks like Melissa Cromwell. She’s pretty hot du-.” Stan passed on the general rumor he heard relentlessly from around town. They made him sick but she was definitely well recognized by most boys.

“Shut up, Stan, who asked you?” Eddie whipped out, hoping his words stung like the sting he felt in his chest at this moment.

“You.. did-”

“What the fuck is she doing?”

“Is that a trick question?”

He scoffed but let Eddie’s rambling continue, however, because he had a feeling that Eddie cared a lot more than it already seemed he did. He hasn’t said anything to Stan like ‘Hey I’m bangin’ Richie now, deal with it’ but they’ve been spending a lot of time in each other’s company as of late.

He also knew exactly what a little jealous sap Kaspbrak was like so he didn’t intervene; didn’t mean he couldn’t feed the flame just a bit. Richie was being dismissive and kind of a dick lately, not that that’s anything new. Stan just didn’t want to see his friend tossed over a cliff over this dirt bag.

“Oh my God he’s making her laugh? Look- look at that!”

“I mean, yea? They have Lit together.” Stan announced with his all-knowing bird brain. He saw all and only repeated what he wanted to.

“Why do you care about what Richie fuckin’ Tozier does with his wa-”

Eddie turned to Stan and gave him the look.

Stan shut his mouth tight.

“He lied to me Stanley and know he’s chatting up that hot chick.”

He would never say it to Eddie’s face, (Richie’s face is another story) but Stanley didn’t truly understand what Eddie saw in that asshole. Richie was a dick about three-hundred percent of the time. A dick to Eddie three-hundred percent of the time. He was also for some reason intensely obsessed with his mom.

Stan decided it was best to just let that ship sink on its own eventually when the captain abandoned it. However, if he saw a time bomb ticking down the hull of that ship, he would hop on that lifeboat without a single word and paddle away, letting the pieces fall behind him.

But he couldn’t do that to Eddie.

Right?

The pair noticed the girls all call his name as they exited through the glass doors, cackling with their mob mentality. Stan found them repulsive but knew most guys saw the other qualities.

“Eh, Richie makes a lot of girls laugh sometimes. I guess they think he’s funny?” Stan attempted to level out some of the doubt surrounding his friend.

Much to Eddie’s dismay, Richie started to head back outside of the arcade.

He let out a panicked ‘oh fuck’ before darting off into the alley and biking through it, he didn’t care where he went he just wanted to get far from there.

Stan was struggling with the bag and his kickstand and failed to notice the quick departure of his friend.

He started off a moment later but hesitated when he saw Richie following Melissa further down the street holding a pair of sunglasses and a sharpie in his hands.

Bright neon lights blinked in the arcade window with a welcoming glow. It felt like home to Richie. Except he worked there and wasn’t allowed to play (unless it was empty because it was so slooow after eight).

He got out of his sister’s car with a quick ‘thanks, sis’ before closing the door and heading into work. He wondered what bullshit he’d have to put up with today as he munched down on his snickers.

Richie immediately noticed Melissa and her biters at Pacman not far from the counter. He knew all too well that it yielded almost no tickets at all.

“What’s up, Craig?” he called from around his almost-gone snickers.

The mid-twenties blonde looked up from his comic to acknowledge the brunette boy before him with his hand outstretched in a fist. They bumped fists before Richie set down his shasta on the glass prize display case so he could vault the counter. He landed with a huff loud enough to peak the interest of one of the vapid cheerleaders. It wasn’t hard, none of them were at all focused on collecting dots.

“Those girls came in about a half hour ago. One of them was asking about you.” Craig was telling Richie offhandedly while the younger brunette took off his leather jacket to replace it with his work shirt.

“They’re annoying please, just, like, give them your number and be done with it, totes,” Craig started to bust out laughing while he took off his work shirt and headed into the back of the store.

Richie bent down to put his keys and jacket under the register, pausing when he heard a light giggle from above him.

Fuck.

He slowly got up to face whoever was waiting on the other side of the counter.

“Heey, Richie.” Melissa was leaning on her hand with her elbow propped up on the glass of the counter.

Richie took small a step back from the register.

“Hi, Melissa.”

“I, um, wanted to exchange these tickets for something.” she reached into her back pocket and brought out a pitiful stack of tickets.

Absolutely pathetic.

“Okay.” Richie took them and put them into the ticketing counting machine next to him.

27

“You have twenty-seven.” He said back plainly.

“Ooh, jackpot.” she said slyly smiling as she bit on the end of her sunglasses.

“You can get a finger puppet, a pocket alien” He began listing the lowest tier of redemption.

“A pair of dice,”

“Or jelly bracelets.” The short list came to an end, his attention being returned to the glinting eyes across the counter. He took note of how flattering this direct light would be on anEone else. He pushed it back and awaited her decision.

“Can I get that one?” she pointed to a particularly adorable bear toy.

“Oooh, no sorry. You don’t have enough tickets. How sad.” he clicked his tongue, cocking his head to the side.

“How many more do I need?” She asked with a horrible attempt at puppy dog eyes.

“One.”

“Let me check,” she dug into her back pocket, bouncing from foot to foot.

“Ah-hah!” Melissa pulled out a single ticket, setting it on the counter and sliding it across to him.

“Lucky you.” he said so sarcastically he almost sounded believable.

Richie turned the ticket over before putting it into the machine revealing red numbers and a call me in sloppy cursive loops with,his favorite, a little winky face. He paused, collected his nerves before presenting her with a coy smile.

“I’m sorry, this ticket has been tampered with. I can’t accept this.” he slid it back, grinning.

“Fine. Then I’ll take the,” she leaned much farther than necessary over the counter to point to a tiny alien on a key chain.

“Weird ass alien thing.”

“All yours.”

“Thank you.”

She winked at him before returning to her gang of much too giddy single sheeple friends.

He couldn’t wait to tell Eddie all about this petty ordeal but then he remembered he probably wouldn’t see his best friend until tomorrow at lunch if Eddie showed. Maybe he’d sneak out tonight.

His thoughts were interrupted when he saw Melissa and company head towards the exit.

“Bye Richie.” they all called in shrill unison as they left the arcade, giggling manically to each other. Melissa dangled her alien keychain from hier pinkie as she turned away.

Fuck he hated his job.

He crossed his arms on the glass that he would need to clean anyway and rested his head on top of them. His nose bumped something on the counter causing him to jolt up.

Fuck.

Richie picked the glasses up off the counter before vaulting it again. He walked with some urgency through the glass door after Melissa.

Lucky for him she was lagging behind her friends while they undoubtedly chattered among themselves about how perfect him and Mel would be together. How great they would look together at prom, most likely.

“Melissa!”

Eddie’s bike was thrown into the dirt far from the arcade while he sat down on a rock and used his inhaler. He hasn’t biked that fast since they had to chase Bill to that stupid fucking house on neibolt. That house that he broke his arm in. The house that the clown tried to eat him and all of his friends in.

That goddamn house where Richie set his broken arm after relentlessly trying to keep his focus on that motherfucking shit clown.

He coached his breathing back down to mildly panicked just before he saw Stan biking rapidly towards him. He seemed shocked.

He immediately worried if Richie had seen his buddy Stan and stopped him.

“Hey Stan, what’cha got there, lube for you dad?”

“No it’s Eddie’s snacks, he bolted like a bitch when you came out.”

“Oh damn, well, I got Melissa’s digits and I would have wanted to tell him that his mom’s gonna have to wait unt-”

“Eddie!”

Stan shook his shoulder lightly.

“Wait, when did you get here?”

“Like a minute ago while you were lost in thought, dude.”

“Shit. Damn.”

“You okay?” his only sanity broke off at Stan’s useless question.

“No, Stanley, Im not o’ fuckin’ kay.”

Thanks for readin’! Much love

#reddie #it 2017 #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #stanley uris #ben hanscom #mike hanlon #bill denbrough #beverly marsh #2 years old #lol i suck #pt 1 #gaspbrat #reddie fics #richie tozier x eddie kaspbrak #slowest of burns #syhnb #fics

[sophygurl]

Dirty Dancing

I had a hankering to watch one of my old favorites today - one I’ve seen hundreds of times and that’s not an exaggeration. I probably watched it one hundred times alone the first summer it was on HBO and I recorded it - I’m guessing 1988 since it came out in 87?

Anyway - the short version of this post is simply that I’m pretty sure Dirty Dancing is a big part of my bisexuality and polyamorousness like. I’m sorry but Baby falls for Penny as much as Johnny and you can’t convince me otherwise and they would make an excellent throuple. And my little hetnormative-trained 13 year old brain didn’t KNOW that was a big draw of the movie for me but it was because the scenes between the three of them were my favorites - especially the dance training montage scenes where they’re all dancing together oh my HEART. But also just like you see so clearly how Baby is crushing on them both so much in those beginning stages and SOMETHING ABOUT THAT SPOKE TO MY LIL TEENAGE HEART OKAY?

So but the longer version is that I still love every single bit of this damned movie (2 minor exceptions - when Baby says “I’m not proud of myself” in her emotional monologue to her dad? I’d take that out. And also I wish the mom had just a smidge more agency but I also get that the lack of agency for the women was a big part of the story- hence these only being slight exceptions).

But okay yes. The movie? Is hella fun with a kicking soundtrack and amazing dancing and acting and Grey and Swayze have chemistry coming out of their whazoodles and I’d throw Rhodes in there too and all of that is fun and sexy and romantic and nostalgic (now for TWO decades since it kinda melds 60′s and 80′s stuff together in some ways).

You know what else though? It’s also just an amazing movie with incredible peeks into the sexism and classism of the era, and especially the intersection of the two. It explores both upper and lower class women’s roles and how both lower class men and women were treated. Swayze’s Johnny Castle is treated like a sexual object and expected to have sex with the upper class women who are being neglected by their husbands (interesting to note that the entertainment staff was forbidden to socialize with the daughters but expected to sex up the older ladies and the more educated upper class staff were expected to romance but not have sex with the daughters of the guests). 

Then there’s Penny and the whole pregnancy/abortion storyline and how Robbie treats both her and Baby’s sister Lisa - spoiler alert he treats them both horribly but in different ways. The mom has almost no agency. Baby thinks she has it, but you can clearly see the difference between when she’s with her family or with fellow upper class Neil and when she’s with Johnny and Penny and Billy - she blossoms into this whole new wonderful person with new insights and opinions about the world because she’s finally seeing outside of the bubble of her family and class. 

The movie does entirely ignore race issues, which is unfortunate. But I’m also guessing that is partly due to the setting - the vacationers would all have been upper class white folk and it seems most of the staff would have been as well. The band leader is a black man, but I think that’s it? IDK if that would have been indicative of the times or not, but it seems like the movie could have figured race into things if it had wanted to. The only other way it’s mentioned is when Neil says when the summer ends, he’s going to join the freedom riders. He seems to say this in order to impress Baby, who has shown she is concerned about social justice issues. And it comes off as a sort of privileged ally-cookie-quest. If Neil’s character did care about civil rights, it was not reflected in the way he treated the lower class staff at his uncle’s resort. 

Despite this lack, however, the movie does a pretty decent job looking at this intersection of gender and class. The way Baby was raised to believe she could change the world, and that this meant she should care about everyone regardless of things like race and class - but then quickly learned that her family (particularly her father) meant she should do these things in a more dignified and distanced way. They sort of humor her ideas of joining the peace corp and studying the economics of undeveloped countries - but the idea of befriending the entertainment staff at the resort is *gasp* Scandal!! 

But because Baby believed in those ideals she was raised with, and hadn’t yet learned the reality of what her parents expected of her - she plows right in and befriends these people whose dancing skill she so admires. She falls in love with dance, and with the people themselves (*ahem* Johnny AND Penny here) and with their easy way of being with one another. 

She rushes in to help wherever and whenever she can, but is still ashamed of her association and hides it from her family. This new world she’s discovered is a sort of guilty secret, and especially so once her relationship with Johnny becomes sexual in nature (AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH AGENCY SHE HAD IN THAT FIRST SEX SCENE LIKE SHE IS JUST GOING ON ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT HE IS TO HER, STARTS TO DANCE WITH HIM, GRABS HIS ASS, AND IS JUST LIKE - YEA BABY LET’S GO!).

So okay, she’s having teh sex and doing teh dance and making teh friends - but it’s still a secret because her family would find it shameful. Does this stop her when she finds out that Johnny is about to be blamed and fired for the theft? SHIT NO it does not! She jumps in to tell the whole world (well okay her family and the Kellerman’s and some other folks in the dining room at the time) that she slept with him that night so he couldn’t have stolen the wallet so THERE! 

And of course he gets fired anyway (I guess for defiling a rich girl? Blech.) but like. When he comes to find her and is all “nobody has ever stood up for me like that! ever!” - I die a little inside because this poor guy has been so beaten down that he doesn’t think he’s good for anything when what WE know about him is that he 1) totally stands by and protects his female bff (possible triad member???? shhh sophy we’re doing a thing here) no matter what and 2) he loves Baby so much because he sees all this good in her and he doesn’t think he deserves her but he is so proud of her and UGH 3) he stops taking the rich guy’s money to sex up his wife because Baby had finally convinced him he was better than that and 4) he works super hard all the time just to make ends meet but would Still have given Penny all his money to help her out and 5) GDI NEIL HE DOESN’T WANNA DO THE PACACHANGA!

All of this culminates when he comes back in and is all “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!” - which is such an epic and cool line but is also super cheesy and a bit nonsensical??? But what he means, really, is that in that moment he sees this woman that he loves sitting quietly in the corner with her parents who are suppressing this passionate and compassionate side of her (well mostly her dad her poor mom doesn’t wtf is going on) and he knows - okay - Johnny Castle KNOWS that Fances Baby Houseman is a fucking STAR okay and he is going to show the whole world (well all of the Kellerman guests and staff anyway) what she can do! PHEW.

So like. Yea, the movie is fun as shit for a lot of reasons. But it’s also so real and vital and important for more reasons than just this one gal’s bisexual/poly pre-awakening (it took another 5-10 years to fully get it - this was the 80′s/90′s in Wisconsin alright we didn’t have the internet back then to explain our sexualities to us!)

I don’t have a nice concluding thesis for this rambly meta except to say that I hope you enjoyed it and also I once again scared the crap out of my cats by singing and dancing a lot - they think singing means I’m sad and lonely so they come to comfort me because they call out and howl when they’re sad and lonely. They are so lovely to come and comfort me but the dancing and singing combo really freaks them out like what are you Doing lady - lady we’re scared - what’s happening? Are you ill??? Should we ... how do .. do cats call 911??? 

#dirty dancing #dirty dancing meta #frances houseman #johnny castle #penny johnson #bisexuality #polyamory #poly ships #intersectionality #i just love this movie a whole lot for a whole lot of reasons #why do i not have this on dvd #wtf #my birthday is in 5 months #just fyi #no real reason

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Tomorrow I am going to fly home. There was nobody here today. A was busy. I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t do anything. I had wanted to go buy presents but there is no space left in my suitcase. I mean…space yes…but the weight is already on limit. I finished packing my suitcase. I called my mom. We didn’t get along. She said we’d probably be annoyed when we lived together again because she and dad had had their own life for the time I was gone and so did I. She made some hurtful comments. I don’t want to go back. I’m looking forward to seeing A on New Years but until I see her, I have to be at home for 7 days. Also..I won’t have a room in the student allocations because they don’t want to pay for it if I only stay 3 months and have a 4 week interruption for my interneship, where I’ll live at home. This means I will live with them until September 2019. Have a 2 hour car drive every morning, which makes 4 hours of car every day. There are no buses. The parking is expensive. So is the gas. But anyway. I understand their point. A room is expensive. I just don’t know if all the gaz and parking I’m gonna pay won’t be the equivalent of the rent costs. My parents and I, especially my mom and I…we don’t work out anymore (my dad and me never really did). I love them. But I need my distance. My mom judging what I eat, what I do, when I’m on the phone, when I read or watch TV or who I talk to, is simply something I can’t take anymore. It was good here. I was alone. My mental health was the same degree of fucked up than it is at home. But at least I was out of the closet. At home, not even my close(s)t friends know (ha ha ha got the pun?). Charlie..I don’t want this life anymore. I don’t want to be different. All I even wanted was to fit in but somehow I never did. Oh well, and me meeting James was…weird. I was mad because my flatmates had promised me to clean their mess before leaving. But..surprise..they didn’t. So I was a little late. 3 minutes. But still. He had been waiting. We went upstairs of this café and had our tea. It was awkward. I tried to keep the conversation going and whenever I didn’t, he started looking at me with THAT look. I told him about A. I mentioned her 4 times. But that didn’t seem to bother him much. Maybe because I said “ma copine” and not “ma blonde” like they call girlfriends here. He might have thought of her as “a friend” not “the girlfriend”. After an hour I said I had to go home and clean. So I did. We said bye. It was weird. He wanted to hug me but didn’t dare so I just turned around and went away. I got home. And he texted me saying that if I was too annoyed by the cleaning, he could come and help. I didn’t open the message and after I was done cleaning, I told him that I was done now, “but thanks”. Then I went to sleep. At 1 in the morning he texted me this long ass message where he basically said that if I need help or “something” on Sunday (tomorrow), I could tell him. And if I wanted “one last dance” he could also come. And you know what? I was sad that nobody cared about me staying here alone or bothered to really say by… So..I said yes. Now tomorrow, you see, he’ll come help me with the luggage in the staircase and maybe offer one last dance. I’m greatful. He could have become a good friend if I’d met him earlier. Sad actually. I’m so numb. I feel like crying but I don’t know why. I’m not sad or happy. I’m just nothing. Numb and very very VERY cynical. I just don’t want to…exist anymore, you know? So on 24th we usually see my grandma (it’s her birthday) and the rest of my mom’s family. Now..the family is weird. My obese aunt doesn’t work because of “health issues” (which basically means because she’s overweight and always says she’s ill even though she isn’t.) My cousin: one year younger than me. Quit school. Never worked. Doesn’t find(want) an apprenticeship. Weird girlfriend. My other cousin: 24 (I think): quit school. Works approximately once a year for 2 weeks and either leaves the job or is fired. Weird girlfriend. They broke up. Now: girlfriend. Who has a kid AND is pregnant again (not from my cousin). And then my other cousin 27 (I think?). She’s okay. She and her husband never stay long on Christmas dinner (because they have to see her husband’s family too, aka, because they enjoy those meetings as much as I do, which is zero). All of them.. are envious about my “success” and the fact that we have more money than them (because my parents actually work and don’t live on the government’s expenses) (they are so envious that we open our presents at home and never take them to open them with the rest of the family. And then we say that we didn’t get each other presents this year. Since we started doing that, things are much easier). Last Christmas (🎵 I gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away 🎵 , sorry, I tried to cheer myself up with Christmas music today, didn’t work. Anyway. Last Christmas,) my 24 year old cousin said I “had it easy”. That I “didn’t do shit but still had good grades”. I said I’d “worked my ass off” to get a diploma, to make it through the tough test to enter university and that, so far, I hadn’t had any time off since the beginning of the year and that whereas he would go home the day after that day and do nothing, I’d go home to my books and study for my exams. He said, “anyway, uni is easy. You don’t need to brag about it” (which I did not. I’d just listed a fact because he’d pissed me off. But then I did brag). I said, “well, you know what? At least I worked hard, and at least, I GO to uni.” Pretty needless to say that you could cut through the tension in the room and that we left as soon as dinner was over. Okay..so then there is my grandma. I love her. She halfway raised me. But she changed so much that I don’t recognise her anymore. She is under the influence of my aunt (who basically spends every day there and uses my grandma) and it doesn’t do her any good. My aunt met this guy and had my cousin. Then she had my other cousin. With the same guy. They split. She was pregnant. She met another guy. She claimed my third cousin was from him. The only person in the family to actually NOT know who his dad is, is my cousin himself. Anyway. They split. Now this year, my aunt met a really weird guy my mom knows from childhood. They are “so in love”, and……..are gonna marry. In summer. After knowing each other for like 9 months? Yea..sorry for degrading them. I’m just listing facts. I wished you could hear the way this letter sounds in my head. Emotionless, quick paced, sarcastic, cynical and with a lot of emphasis on some words. Words that I’d write in cursive but I don’t know how to do thaz, so I write some of them in capitals. On 24th I’ll land at midday. My mom told my grandma I’d be tired and we wouldn’t come. So Christmas-tradition adios. Am I sad? Not really? It’s just weird to not spend it with them. But I don’t really care. So whatever. 25th? We never really do anything. Usually on 26th we see my dad’s grandparents (why not on 25th aka on ACTUAL Christmas? Well because my grandma wants to give us “a day to digest the food from 24th”). Now..one of my dad’s brothers died from an overdose. The other one, a junkie, lives on the street. I don’t know either of them. They have kids. The dead one probably has kids all over the country. Apparently he was a real rabbit when it came to women. And like a rabbit, he didn’t protect himself the way he should have. The difference between my “uncle” and a rabbit is that a rabbit doesn’t do drugs and doesn’t know protection exists (well actually there are no rabbit condoms, so he can’t know about the existence of something that doesn’t actually exist. His owners will castrate the rabbit if they don’t want any more rabbits. I don’t think my uncle would have let anybody castrate him. So that’s that.) The other “uncle” has a kid who has a kid and no boyfriend. She never talked to my grandparents. Not once. Except for last year, when this kid (actually woman) appeared out of nothing and asked my granny for money, who didn’t give it to her. Now..my granny, you see, always says dad is her only child and I am their only grandchild. Which sad but I get her reasoning. My family is fucked up. I don’t know how my parents turned out so well. They are educated. They graduated. My mom went to uni and my dad went through many exams so that he basically also has a degree. They work. They have me. I’m not a bad child. I always studied. My grades were good. I never got into trouble (if you don’t count that one time where I wanted to buy juice and I put into my pocket until we went to paye but unfortunately forgot to take it out of my pocket and actually pay it, found out at home and made my mom drive all the way back to the store because I couldn’t live witht the thought of having stolen something, even if it was by accident. I was 4). I go to university. I speak 5 languages. I’ve got my shit together…if it weren’t for the mental illness that nobody knows about. It’s funny though. My dad’s mom and my dad have depression. Last time on the phone, I was tired of always hiding how I feel so I just didn’t hide it and was openly lethargic. And… my mom said “now stop it. You sound like your grandmother”. Great. She doesn’t get the link. Anyway…it’s not as if it mattered. As if this time of the year wasn’t already bad enough, this afternoon I wanted to order sushi but they didn’t accept my card. Then I wanted to order chinese but they didn’t deliver. So I went for take out. But the shop was closed. Then walked though snow to have lunch which wasn’t exactly the definition of delicious (all of that because my flatmates didn’t leave me any food when they left and I didn’t want to buy a whol package of something because it would be a waste). The… I realised that I’d give the driver of the bus who’s coming to pick me up, my old phone number (I don’t know why). So I was waiting for a confirmation of the schedule for when he’d come to pick me up when I realised he didn’t have any means to reach me because I’d accidentally given him the wrong number. So I contacted the headquarters and tried to fix the problem. It worked. I now know my driver will be there at 12:30. Great. I’m just really realy really cynical today. I’m sorry.. I’m also sorry that this letter was a mess and that now you know far too much about my family. But well…why not? Right? Anway. Have a nice Christmas Love always, Lena. 22.12.2018, 19:59 P.S. have you ever seen the movie “it’s kind of a funny story”? If yes, you can imagine the tone of this letter being similar to the narration of the movie in the first half.

#dear charlie #lena

[jack-farms]

Scar!

You’ve unlocked Jack’s 6 heart event!

“I-I’m not sure where to start… You don’t have to listen if you don’t want to. I might start to ramble…”

“I wanna start by saying that I’ve since moved past all this. I’m doing much better now than I was when I was little, you don’t have to be concerned about me.”

“I-” *sighs* “I haven’t really told anybody about my scar before, although I’ve had lots of people ask. Please don’t judge me for the actions I took, I was in a bad place. I’ll start from the beginning.”

“When I was about four years old, I remember just having the absolute most amazing life. My parents, me, and my sister all lived together just outside Zuzu city on a farm. Hah- yea, I worked on a farm before I came to Pelican Town. I’m sure happy I did, too.” They looked at the ground and held their arm tight. Their fingers grasped at their sleeve and pulled it towards them. “I don’t- don’t remember too much about my parents except for the fact that I loved them- sorry, love them, but truth be told, I can’t remember what they look like.” His lip quivered slightly and they covered their mouth, pausing between thoughts.

“My sister was a couple years older than me, so at the time she was… Six? Yea, six. She was always kind to me and we stuck together like glue. Really, she was my only friend. As much as I tried to make friends when I was little, all the other children would find me clingy and avoid me. I learned from a young age to distance myself so as not to come off too strong. This made it hard for me to socialize at all, because when I did, I felt I was saying too much. Nobody wanted to hear me speak, so why should I?” They chuckled lowly. It wasn’t genuine, but they were sure as hell trying to make others think it was.

“My amazing childhood didn’t last long though. When I was seven me and my family were driving to Joja Mart to get groceries when we got into a car crash. We were just driving along and talking about me and my sister’s day at school, and then we heard two engines revving and preparing to charge down the street. From what I heard afterwards, it was two boys who were racing down the roads. They didn’t pay real good attention to where they were going though, because in the process of them weaving in and out of cars, going roughly 40 miles per hour above the speed limit, they hit the side of my parent’s car. Yoba, I remember looking outside the window moments before and saw them heading toward us, and I couldn’t even get out a word before they hit us. I wanted to warn my parents, I wanted to, but the shock had temporarily muted me.” They sniffed and looked away, bringing a hand to their face and wiping away some tears that were forming small rivers under their eyes.

“My mom and sister died on impact,” they said with a quivering voice. “Both me and my father were brought to the hospital, and my dad ended up dying not too long after. My spine got pretty fucked up and I couldn’t walk for a year or so. Physical therapy was such a bitch, I hated it. Even with all the work I had done on the farm, I was nowhere near prepared to handle the weight of the situation.”

“That goes a little bit off topic though, so I’ll skip to the next part. Luckily- well, not luckily now, but it was luckily at the time. Anyways, luckily my uncle, my dad’s brother, took custody of me after the death of all my immediate family. I was lucky to not have to go to an orphanage, but I guess that could be debatable.”

“For the first year or so after I started living with my uncle, it was pretty nice. He loved me a lot even though we hadn’t really been together too much, but he seemed to take a liking to me, easily.” They finished their statement with a scoff and shook their head, “I should have fucking known it wouldn’t last. He uh, he took a really big liking to me. He would… he would touch me inappropriately and kiss my neck. He told me I had a beautiful body and he was happy to have me in his life. I didn’t really know any better, so I didn’t fight it. He never- never fucked me though. That’s where he drew the line.”

“I was in a wheelchair for a year after the accident, while I was living with my uncle. He was always very kind about helping me get where I needed to be, and he tried to accommodate me as best he could. “Yoba, I’m rambling so much. I’m getting to the scar, I swear, this is all just important to know before hearing about how I actually got it.”

“After I was out of my wheelchair I still couldn’t move around too much, but I had crutches to help me get around. Eventually with the help of physical therapy and the encouragement of my uncle, I was able to get back on my feet not too long after. I could walk almost perfectly fine when I reached middle school.”

“I know now that I’m pansexual, and I’m proud of that, but when I entered middle school I had so many hormones fucking with me, and my prepubescent brain never gave me a rest. Neither did my uncle though… Sorry, that was a joke. I joke when I’m uncomfortable. Fuck, I’m sorry. I’ll just continue with the story. In gym my first year in middle school, I would notice a lot of other boys in the locker room. I always got embarrassed for looking at them and I would stare at the floor a lot of the time. I felt wrong for looking at my peers. I still didn’t have many friends, which didn’t really give me the support I needed. I carried on in my life trying to stop noticing things I shouldn’t have, but it made me desperate to figure out what was wrong with me. Why was I looking at all the other boys like I was? Why did I feel a warmth in the pit of my stomach when some of the cuter boys laughed and smiled? I hated myself for doing those things, even if I couldn’t help it.”

Jack closed their eyes for a moment, taking a deep breathe. “We’re getting closer to the scar, I swear.”

“In seventh grade I had built up the courage to tell my uncle about these feelings I’d been having. I made this decision after talking to a boy, Jacob, for a few months, and I had a real big crush on him. I hated keeping things from my uncle, so I wanted to make him aware of what was happening. He had always been supportive of me before, so why wouldn’t they be now? Yoba, I was dense.” They cleared their throat. “I was wearing a tank top and jeans when I told my uncle I thought I might’ve been pan. He was wearing a grey t-shirt and khakis, which he always wore. I sat him down on his couch, and I took a seat often where he would make me sit naked on display while he jacked himself off. He was sitting next to me and was really concerned about me, since I seemed so stressed. I hated trying to draw things out that I hated, so I just- just told him straight up that I thought I liked both boys and girls. My uncle’s hesitation was deafening.”

“it didn’t last long though. Their silence turned into a loud smile on their face, and they licked their lips. He said he was fine with it, and that it made him very happy. He.. liked it a bit too much, I believe. He made me undress in front of him and he kissed me all over, especially along the back on my neck. He raped me that evening, and... I don’t want to go into detail about that.”

He wiped some tears from his eyes and continued, “I tried to kill myself a few days later after he had raped me again and again and again. I hated that he kissed my neck, I didn’t want to give him the opportunity to do it again. In my mind I thought it poetic to cut my neck from behind so he wouldn’t be able to kiss it, but all that ended up happening was me getting a really deep cut that bled like crazy and I had to be rushed to the hospital. I tried to behead myself basically, but I didn’t finish the job. I’ve had a scar lining the back of my neck ever since then. I used to cover it up with turtlenecks or scarves but I got tired of it and let it breathe.”

“Oh, and my uncle is in prison now. He went to prison 12 years ago, and he’s actually due to be out within a few months. He has no idea of where I am, and I have no reason to tell him. I don’t think he deserves to know how good my life is without him.”

#abuse tw// #rape tw// #ask to tag #self harm tw// #suicide tw// #self mutilation tw// #Anonymous #wow that took a long time to write #i didnt proofread this so im sure theres errors #but yea... #poor jack #jack.png #tw

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU [Book 3]

New? Read here! Then here!

Chapter 5: That’s Not How You Eat a Banana!

I. HATE. BEING. A. GIRL! So much upkeep and not enough time in the mornings to get ready...no wonder Hanaka is like that. Just another 9 days and I can burn these bras like it’s social justice!

“Hey uhhhh Maserati-sama?!” Gon stopped me after school “Got a moment?”

“Sure! What is it?” I flashed a polite smile to hide the fact that my poop was coming and I don’t like to shit in school bathrooms...it’s just my thing okay!

“Normally I’d ask my buddy Iida-kun to training but seeing that he’s still away” he spoke meekly “Would you like to join me on a little outing in downtown?”

“Like...on a date?” I asked curiously because I was flattered that he thought I was passable and likable enough. 

“Not a date! Well...not unless you want it to be” he turned red “it’s not anything fancy, but I wanted to show you around and expose you to some more Japanese culture.”

At first that part confused me, but then I remembered that the Maserati family is from Italy “Right! You’re so thoughtful Ryu~”

“So uhhh see you Saturday at 3pm?” He stumbled on his words, taken off guard by being first named “It’s right here near the school.”

“See you then!” I pinched his cheek “You’re the best Ryu! Bye Bye!”

I trotted quickly to the intel wing to panic with Beizu.

“How was class?” asked Beizu, picking at his bra strap.

“Bad, I got asked out.”

Beizu stopped his picking and looked at me dead in the eyes “What in the actual fuck Iwa?!”

“I know! I feel like an imposter but also like an asshole if ghost him” I groaned, slamming my forehead into his shoulder “Will you lookout for me on my date?”

“I did say I’d do that for you when we were little” sighed Beizu, comforting me “I’ll make sure you don’t slip up and your titties stay in place.”

Fast forward to Saturday, I go out like I was biologically a girl... armed with pepper spray and taser. Like, it really shouldn’t be like that BUT CONSIDER THIS! Have you seen my ass? And THESE hips with the Chanel boots?! Nobody would behave themselves! I get the ping from Beizu that I’m in his range of vision and I get more nervous. This is technically my first date! Didn’t think it would be with Gon or with me in drag...maybe I’ll put this one in the ‘didn’t count’ pile.

“Hey! You made it!” called out Gon “were you waiting long?”

“Not at all!” I flashed a smile “Thanks for inviting me out doll~”

Gon looked around “Where’s your chaperone?”

“I said I was going to be with somebody in the hero class and I was just dropped off” I pulled out of my ass “Why wouldn’t you trust a hero in training?!”

“Cool! You can count on me to protect you” He puffed out his chest and held out his arm for me to hold on to “Shall we be off?”

For most of the outing, it was fun and full of good conversation! The ending is what got me a lil fucked up.

Gon semi cradled me as we watched the fireworks at the local park “I’m not sure if these are city fireworks or if this is a villain attack” Gon was wary “but they’re pretty!”

“Doesn’t matter! They’re pretty” I started to say but then I felt Gon’s breath near me.

“Sorry, it’s just that you smell really pretty” he got bolder with his sniffing “I love your scent. I can’t get enough!” he shifted his arms “You know, it’s been more than 4 days and I’m still infatuated by you.”

“Oh that’s crazy hahaha” I didn’t know what to say but I started to panic a little.

“Whatever you do, DON’T LET HIM GET ANY CLOSER!” Beizu spoke into the earpiece “I’m going to send you a text to get you outta there!”

Gon’s hands shifted to caress my body and the alarms were blaring in my head on full panic mode. What the fuck am I supposed to say?!

“Please Ryu~ I’m a lady!” I huffed as I pried his hands off me.

“Sorry! It’s just that...I think I’m in love with you” he confessed “I don’t care about your wealth or family company stuff, what I fell in love with was your genuine demeanor. You know when you’re wrong and own up to mistakes! And your hidden quirky side is so adorable, I’m honored to be the only one that has seen that side of you” he grabbed my hands to hold them up “I don’t normally think about love and stuff like that, but I’m willing to risk everything for you. Will you be my love?”

“Ryu! So bold I-”

“Maserati-sama!” cried out a woman in auburn hair, running towards us “There you are! We have to get you back to the house, your father is requesting your presence.”

I play along “Papá?! What would he want from me? I haven’t spoken to him in days!”

“That’s why, come now!” the woman grabbed me from the wrist “You can play with your little boy toys later!”

“FOR THE LAST TIME, THEY’RE DOLLS!” I screamed as I was pulled by them “As for you doll, see you at school~”

“Wait! What’s your answer?” asked Gon.

“I’ll tell you later!” I yelled back, picking up my pace.

This woman led me to an unmarked vehicle, but I already knew the vehicle belonged to my mom’s company. I open the door to the back seat of this mini limo and see Beizu sitting in the seat.

“That was close huh?!” smiled Beizu.

“Wait, if you’re here, then who’s-”

The woman takes off her wig “It’s me! Your good ol’ Uncle Jin!”

“Uncle Jin?! Wow, you are un-clockable!” I cried out as I closed the door and saw two other people “wait, who the-”

“You don’t recognize ya Aunty Mimi?” said the scruffy looking man in a brown wig.

“And don’t forget me! Your American Bastard of a mom!” joked the other man in an American flag bandana and aviators.

“Wow! All of you are just un-clockable!” I gushed over their wardrobe “why did you all do drag?”

“Well, since you told us you were going out with a male classmate as your female persona” Mom explained “We caved and followed you around! Sorry!”

“Yea, then we bumped into Beizu that was out of drag” Uncle Jin explained “He told us what was up, and I must say, that was close! You would’ve definitely been exposed if we didn’t cut in.”

“Okay but why are you guys in drag too?” I asked.

“It’s fun! We love being your uncle’s bodyguards” Aunty Mimi put in bluntly “Remember when we beat up that one dude that groped him on a mission?!”

“That was ICONIC! We beat the absolute shit outta the guy” Mom reminisced “the screams in our earpieces while we wailed on the guy from our higher up just added to the whole scene.” She looked at Beizu and I “We almost failed the mission but that diversion worked in our favor.”

“How?!” Beizu questioned.

“Oh the guy was a higher up in the chain of the syndicate we were spying on” Uncle said like it was nothing “he had all of the keys and shit to the evidence we needed.”

Mom chuckled, then cut in “Also keep in mind this was a mission we had before I got married to your dad” she cleared up “Last time we had a mission like that was, what, after I had the twins?”

“It was around the time I found out I was pregnant” Aunty Mimi clarified “Can’t have a single mom go off in the high stake missions! Especially the best ones.”

That had me thinking back to the incident...if my mom was doing all those risky agent missions, does that mean she stopped because of the incident? Was I the the real reason she doesn’t do missions like that anymore? We got home and I went straight to my room to add this to the timeline of things. Though there was still lots to put in between these events I have so far, I wonder if I’m intertwined in this mystery... Aside from being born into the family?

-Fast Forward to Monday-

I’m dreading my walk to hero class. Every step feels like I’m going to throw up and my nerves are just piling up...this sucks!

“Maserati-chan!” chimed Kage-san “You’re back for another week!”

“I am! Just this week and I’m back to my home estate” I faked my enthusiasm as I sat at my seat “Wish I could stay longer~”

“Hey! Maserati-sama!” Gon got my attention as he walked up to my desk “What happened? What did your father say?”

“Oh that sounds strange without context” I said before clearing my throat “He, uhhhh, didn’t like the idea of me being out without my chaperone. I used my quirk to convince my dad’s workers to let me go out on Saturday.”

“Why did you do that?” asked Gon, shocked “You didn’t have to do all that, it wasn’t a big ordeal!”

“But...I wanted to feel like a normal teenager” I did my cutesy pout “being an heiress is no fun! I wanted to go and hang out with you, Ryu-kun~”

The whole class gasped at me first naming him. And Gon turned red in embarrassment...just like I planned.

“Yo, are you and Maserati-san going out?!” blurted out one of our classmates.

The class didn’t let us clear things up, everyone exploded with chatter. It when on until class started. All I had to do was play it safe now until Friday.....boy was I wrong! To spare you of all the shit: That one dude that doesn’t like me, confessed to me (as a girl) just because he was jealous of Gon, The following days were full of Gon doing the most to win my affection and My wig flew during intel training!

-Friday, after school-

“Wait, Maserati-sama!” Gon said, speeding up to stop me.

“Hm? Yes doll?” I responded, knowing full well what’s going down.

He stood there, for a full minute, looking at me “I uhhhhh- wanted to ask you something. Well, more like, ask you what’s your answer” his nerves got to him “y-you never g-ave me an answer, and I wanted to know before it was too late.”

I took a deep breath and took something out of my uniform pocket “I thought about it long and hard doll. And I don’t have enough time to express it but I wrote it down here” I handed him a letter “My ride is waiting for me, bye bye!” I said before running off.

“Did you give him the letter?” asked Beizu in the car.

“Yup, but I have a feeling he’s not gonna shut up about it” I groan as I took off my bra “fuck this being a girl shit! If I ever get in a relationship with a girl, I’m gonna let her be her natural self around me! No makeup, bras or pants if she doesn’t want to!”

Beizu side eyed me “Does that mean you-”

“I don’t have a crush for the last time Bei!” I stopped him.

“I was just asking, you keep talking out going out and dating” Beizu responded “never seen you interested in those things and I was just wondering.”

“...do you can an interest in those things?” I asked him suspiciously.

“Like.....yeeeea I do BUT LIKE! I don’t know if they’re emotionally ready to date” he responded like he got caught “I know at the drop, I’d say yes and be with them romantically along with the things we were doing before. But maybe I’m asking for too much from them” he drooped his head “It’s killing me low key.”

“Awww my bestie is in love!” I teased him a bit “I hope they come around soon and realize how much of a catch you are! Just make sure to have me as best man!”

Beizu started chortling “Oh you’ll be at my wedding alright! I’m not going through that life event without you with me.”

That kinda warmed my heart and had me forget about my shitty week in fake tiddies. I can’t wait to be his best man and stand next to him at the altar when we’re older...wonder who he’s talking about though?

“Oh! I almost forgot, Iwa” mom spoke up after we dropped Beizu off at his place “I was wondering if you could help Mr Hitoshi with something tomorrow? Usually his husband or oldest would help but something came up.”

“Uhhh sure” I accepted with little thought put into it.

“Great! It’s going to be an all day thing, I’ll drop you off after breakfast” she concluded.

Haven’t seen that man in a while, wonder what’s up with him.

-The next day-

“Thanks for coming on short notice!” said the purple haired man as I walked into his home “Neito and Niyo had to go attend to some family matters on that side of the family, leaving me with all the storage stuff and the little one.”

“Storage things?” I asked curiously.

“Yeah, I cleared out our shared storage and brought the things we want to keep here to put in our attic” he sighed “The plan was to have everything done today because our next day off is next month. And this can’t be put off that long.”

“I’m sure it’s not that bad-” I start to say, then I saw all the boxes that took up the whole living room “NEVERMIND! That a lot of shit!”

“Yeah, worst of all, I know I have a box full of pictures in there somewhere from my youth” he chuckled nervously “I kinda want to sort through it, so the sooner we find it, the better.”

“I guess this is a job for my second quirk!” I take off my sweater “Okay, lets do this!”

I was breaking a sweat over this! It was good telekinesis training but boy were my arms killing me. We get two thirds of the way when we stopped for a lunch break.

“Iwa-kun, daddy asked want kind of meat do you want on your Okonomiyaki” asked Mr Hitoshi’s youngest daughter.

“Beef, with extra sauce” I responded, tummy growling in anticipation “Thank you Hitomi.”

She gave me a thumbs up before running back to his dad in the kitchen. That kid is growing up so fast! And also looking so much like his purple haired dad, that it kinda looks like Mr Hitoshi just cloned himself. I like this family in particular, the Shinso family is just your typical gay-dads and two kids with a large age gap. The oldest is almost a year younger than Lili, and the youngest is like 4 years younger than the twins. I don’t quite know the type of friendship between him and my mom but they seem really close. Once his daughter excused herself from the table, I asked him.

“Question, how did you meet my mom?” I asked innocently.

Mr Hitoshi nearly choked on his drink “Oh jeez, why?”

“Just asking, you seem really close to her and I don’t think my mom mentioned where she met you” I responded.

He set his cup down “I met her in UA, first year but I didn’t really talk to her until my dorm move in the summer of 2nd year.”

“Oh! Why didn’t you talk to her sooner?”

“I was shy, I saw her as this powerful, cat like person that could level the school with a wave of a hand!” he chuckled “but I learned how friendly and sweet she really was. Soon we did a lot of things together like train, hang out, stay up to watch the sunrise and go out for coffee.”

“That’s so cool! She had so many friends in high school” I was in awe “Wish I had her charisma to have friends like that!”

“I loved her charisma too, in fact, I dated your mom in high school too.”

That last part broke my brain “Wha! You and my mom?!”

“Yea, believe it or not! I was surprised too” he sighed “Your dad was always in the way when I tried to flirt with her. And I’d ask if he was her boyfriend, but he’d do the hand thing and be like ‘I cannot date a fellow classmate! We are just friends!’ ya know?”

I would’ve laughed, but I was still trying to process it “Were you the long term boyfriend?”

“Yes, I dated your mom from 3rd year all the way to before your mom’s 20th birthday” Mr Hitoshi counted the years “Yeah, that sounds about right! Literally right before she started up her company.”

“Why didn’t you stay with her if you were so in love with her?”

Mr Hitoshi’s smile disappeared “Well, there was many reasons I didn’t stay” he was trying to find the right words “mainly it was that she was changing into her adult self and I wasn’t ready to be an adult yet. Plus I didn’t see myself getting married, obviously I changed my mind, but I just saw us being domestic with no kids. She wants the whole package of getting married, buying a house, having more than one child and have family get togethers in the backyard.”

“...But you-”

“Yeah I know I do most of those things now, but that just adds that I wasn’t with the right person. I thought a lot to myself that she deserved better” he looked at the framed photo of his family on the wall “And she did do better, when I found out she started to date your dad, I was like finally! She found her true love. And when I heard that she was getting married and wanted me to come, I cried that she’s living her dreams that it made me think that I should get married too!”

“Man, I wish you were my dad” I sighed “I hate being born into a legacy family.”

“I’d say you’re lucky to have your dad” he countered me “Your dad loves your mom more than I did, and I knew he does all those little annoying things because he loved her but I still dated her. I just wanted to date her for her status and looks, I gaslighted her so much when we dated without even realizing it until later. If I were your dad, you might even exist! I just wanted one child and I’d show the bare minimum of affection to our child. Your mom was too responsible and sensible for me at the end, but I found my love in my husband and my kids. So I understand why she wanted it so bad, theres so much love to give.”

“I don’t believe you” I joked but then I saw him get up and dash for the box on the coffee table “I said I was kidding! I know my dad loves me and my siblings.”

He rummaged through it and took out a shoebox “I might get into some hot water with your mom, but I think this will put things into perspective” he opens the box “these are all the pictures and gifts your mom gave me while we dated. Take a look.”

I saw pictures of young mom and Mr. Hitoshi, like they were in love “Wow, you look borderline dead, no offense.”

“None taken! My sleep schedule was garbage” he laughed “But you see how I was with her? All lovey-dovey but they were all in private up until everyone found out near the end of 3rd year. I never showed her off nor bragged about her like your dad does. Hell, I never went to the dances with her! And that’s all she wanted to do when we were young, just dance the night away.” His smile disappeared “I thought everything was set for us after graduation, we moved into that house-”

“The old house?!” I interrupted him “that one?!”

“Yeah, I moved in with her mostly because I worked in the same city and needed housing. It wasn’t how I thought it was gonna be” He pulled up a picture of her on the couch with a cat “She changed, I saw her true self and all I did was try to stop her from maturing into the woman she is today. What I did was inexcusable and I deserve to die alone, but your mom forgave me after years apart. She put aside all the trauma of our break up and told me how much she wanted me to still be her friend.”

I saw the mixed expression of sadness and pain in his face, this was some deep shit “Why did you guys break up?”

Hitoshi’s face turned pale “I still can’t talk about it nor can your mom, thats how traumatic it was” he put the picture back in the box and stood up “if only there was a way to glimpse into the that past, that’d make things so much easier.”

I didn’t say I had such a device, but that shit bothered me all day. When I got home, I added that part to the timeline. Of course I didn’t bring it up to my parents because it seems kinda weird to bring up the past like that. Ever so slow is my view on my mom is changing. She was kind of a smart player at my age, wonder how she did it.

-Wednesday, at lunch-

“What’s wrong?” asked Beizu “you really seem out of it today.”

“I’m still fucked up over what Mr Hitoshi told me” I said softly as I mindlessly ate my cheetos “Just more and more secrets come out!”

“Tell me about it! I recently found out that my dad worked for your mom as her advisor” he said with a little sadness “He was the first person your mom hired, your mom knew my dad since she was in 1st year.”

“Wait- what?!” that jump started me “So my mom IS the link!”

“Yea, and my mom still won’t talk about my dad!” Beizu sounded frustrated “Like, is it so hard to talk about him?! What did he do to have so many people hush up about it?!” he turns to face me, tears welling up in his eyes “I don’t even know where he’s buried, if he’s even buried! That scares me Iwa...what if he did something bad that caused his death and that’s why-”

“Stop!” I threw my arms around him and squeezed “Lets not focus on that right now, I don’t think he would do anything bad. He was a side-kick before right? My mom wouldn’t hire someone she didn’t trust.”

Beizu leaned his head on me “I know, but why keep secrets? I’m his son and I want to know more about him and that part of the family.” He let his tears fall “I feel like there’s a missing part of me and knowing him would fill that part.”

“Even if we never find the truth” I assured “we still have each other and I’m not going anywhere!”

Beizu wrapped his arms around me, completing the embrace “Thank you Iwa, I won’t leave your side either.”

We finished eating and got ready to face the next half of the school day. Before I headed to the hero wing, Beizu grabbed me by the sleeve.

“Hmm?”

He made eye contact with me “I love you.”

That surprised me, but I just smiled “I love you too.”

After that, he let go of my sleeve and ran off to class. That emotional moment was what I needed to get into the zone of things! Nothing like two bros, that love each other. Once I got home, I trotted up to my mom’s home office. Usually she’s cooped up in her office on Wednesdays, so Beizu’s mom picks me up from school. The door was open and the lights were dimmed inside.

“Mom?” I announced myself from the doorway.

“Si mijo?” responded mom “I’m on the ceiling.”

I walk in to see her floating and bouncing around in the high vaulted room “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Come up here then” she perched herself on a swing she had up there.

“Oh man” I muttered to myself before I jumped up to float my way up.

“Okay, what did you want to talk about?” asked mom when I perched myself on a padded ledge.

“I’ve been hearing a lot more about you when you were my age at school. And I was wondering if you could teach me the key to your success” I asked “I’m sure you have some sort of magic ratio or foolproof plan.”

“Well that’s the problem Iwata” she giggled and started swinging herself “there’s no magic or math involved! It’s just pure luck and my impulsiveness.”

“What?! It’s just luck?” I didn’t believe her “There’s no way it’s luck every time!”

“Not every time, for the most part I just act on impulse because I’m either in the heat of the moment or my plans didn’t work the way they were supposed to” she explained “Just me, my abilities and God versus the problem! I didn’t fully plan on getting this far or be in this country in the first place!”

“Do you ever get scared?”

“Every time, but I have a more noble cause that keeps me going. Before it was going back to my home country” she stopped swinging “But nowadays, it’s because I want to come home to my family.”

That sparked another question “Why don’t you go back to visit?”

Her expression changed “Things are bad where I grew up, no hero culture and the government isn’t intervening. My parents got out of there before things got bad, but I had to be sent away to protect them” she sighed deeply “I was so young, and not ready to leave my parents. Hardly slept for weeks when I settled here, all I did was cry when I wasn’t at school because I missed my home.”

I was starting to put two and two together, but I read the room and didn’t pry more from her “Well...what can you teach me that will help me in the program?”

That snapped her into thinking mode “I suppose I can teach you strategy and tap into your stamina.”

“Stamina?” I wonder how that was related to anything.

“Yea, all telekinesis users have high stamina due to our heightened brain activity. Up side, we’re powerhouses and victory is within reach” she floated off the swing “downside, the insomnia is terrible! And nightmares are mega scary!”

I shuttered “That’s why my nightmares seem 3D?!” then something clicked in my head “Wait- is that why you gave me coffee when I developed my telekinesis?”

“Yup! Coffee is part of the latin culture because most of latin-american peoples are telekinesis users. It helps us damper the stamina to sleep better at night” she stretched out her back “along with the lavender and sage. That’s why I put you and Tensei in the same room, both of you need the same treatment as I did when I was growing up.”

I floated off the ledge “That makes so much sense! But what about Lili and Hanaka?”

“They don’t have those types of quirks, they’re honestly very lucky to not have telekinesis” She floated down and I followed “Imagine having telekinesis and being a girl? I hate it! It’s one of the worst things in the world! Ask your dad.”

“I heard my name” Dad said as he stopped in front of the office door “and why is it so dark in here?”

“Dad, what would happen if Lili and Hanaka had telekinesis?”

“I love your mom and I love your sisters, but I don’t have the capacity to deal with the anger fueled telekinesis or have the whole house leveled because I took away toast privileges” he fixed his glasses sternly “Trust me son, you haven’t seen your mother angry yet. We’re very fortunate that you and Tensei got those quirks, if I’d known this is how our children were going to turn out.”

“Oh shut up” Mom slapped dad on the ass as she walked to the stairs “You wanted a full house, I said 2 or 3! You’d get me pregnant right now if I didn’t shut down the baby factory the moment Hanaka breathed fire!”

He sighed “She’s right, I want more kids” his face turned red, then he faced me “What were you guys talking about?”

“How to be better in the intel program” I responded “I got my answers, it was a good talk.”

I ran to my room to write down that little bit of background mom told me. I’ve never heard her complete story but I have a feeling I will very soon.

-Chapter 5, End-

<Previous - Next>  

#bnha #mha #self insert au #book 3 chapter 5 #not canon #will update regularly #ask me anything #//Palma-sama Speaks #Hitoshi has returned! plus a glimpse into his family! two kids with Monoma #Iwa 'I have connected the dots' Beizu 'You didn't connect shit' meme going on #soft moment with the 'I love you' part is pivotal! Just wait #Also the snippets given by his mom is alluding to the climax of the arc AND the next book #side note: I know this chapter is lowkey late. But to be fair- my computer was acting weird and typing on mobile is a nightmare! #the next one may or may not follow the same (but we'll see!)

[whimsicmimic]

marbleverse sounds really cool! would you mind telling me about some of the characters? i'm very curious!

ABSOLUTELY!!!!!

im not gonna lie; there’s a looooooootta characters in marbleverse, just because of how big a project it is. so ill just?? talk about some of the ones in family portrait because those are the ones im working with the most right now!! and also because this particular cast includes some of the oldest characters ive ever made??? (like, I’ve been working with the founders for 8 years!!!! thats a long time to work with a character yall!!! i love them dearly!!!)

SO. there’s 47 members of the cirque du lune. i’m not gonna talk about all 47 of them. im gonna talk about a handful of the ones that might come up more frequently.

the cirque du lune was founded by the sun elf illusionist Felix Pathic and the aquatic elf contortionist Holly Darling. Both of em are trans, Holly’s the World’s Biggest Lesbian, Felix is pan. they have a looooong history together. if you were to ask Felix, Holly is more his family than either of his half siblings are. If you were to ask Holly, Felix is the only family she ever had. You’re gonna see a loooooooooootta them.

They met when they were both kids - Felix was a bit of a pickpocket when his dad Javier Pathic died and he ended up on the streets of New Haven. His dad was a fairly well known toxicologist and much much less known for dabbling in more illegal businesses. Felix says he accidentally poisoned himself. Whether or not that’s the truth is another matter, but that’s the story he gives and that’s the story he’s sticking with. Holly didn’t have a name at the time, but she ran away from home. Felix and the nameless elf got into a scuffle in the middle of a marketplace and she lost her temper, causing a bit of a magic flare up and causing her to literally begin to melt into a puddle of water, which ended up with both of them getting chased out of the marketplace by shop vendors and patrons who didn’t take too kindly to a pair of Waste-touched kids causing a ruckus and called the militia.

Felix helped the nameless elf get away (partially because he felt bad, but mostly because they both dont wanna get caught so why not truce to have that Not Happen so that it Does Not Happen) and the two ended up becoming friends through hiding in a dumpster in an alleyway. They start to talk a little bit. Felix has a flare for dramatics and had been trying to make money through using his illusion magic in a street performing routine. She has no plan, no idea how to move forward. Her main focus was cutting all ties from her family and the community she was raised in, and now? she has no fuckin clue my guy! So they just. Stuck together. Everything’s easier when you’ve got someone to watch your back, right?

anyways, they’ve been running the circus for over 150 years together. Felix technically has the title of ringleader because hes a sucker for The Drama and Holly would Really Rather Not, but without either of em? things would fall apart.

Dapple won’t come up too often in Family Portrait since a lot of the drabbles take place around the time that Naomh joined, and Daps left the circus a few years before then. She and her half-sibling Nico were two of the earliest members of the circus and really really good friends of Felix and Holly! Daps was only convinced to join when she found out that Benzene (a sport fighter) was Felix’s half sister. She’s a half elf and was a swordsman, cellist, and conductor with the circus. She ended up leaving when she was offered a position as a guardsman when the circus traveled to her hometown, which had been a dream of hers when she was a kid. There was a point in time when things between Felix and Daps got real awkward and everyone thought it was because they were fucking. Felix will neither confirm nor deny this, but Holly will if you ask her when she’s drunk enough. Holly will tell many stories about Dapple if you ask her under the right circumstances. Holly’s got dirt on everyone but she’s too nice to use it against folks.

Nico is Dap’s half sibling and they’re a biiiiiiiiiiig half orc. They’re a strongman and fire dancer and they’re just about the jolliest motherfucker you’ll ever meet. They say that they broke someone’s hand during a handshake once, but Nico will neither confirm nor deny. They’re really good with their hands! They helped design Felix’s prosthetic arm once he could afford one and are pretty crafty. They fucking adore knitting, man. They’re very enthusiastic about many things, and knitting is very much on that list. They plan on leaving the circus eventually to become a metalworker, but for now the circus is their home and family and they don’t wanna leave em behind!

Chervil is Felix’s little half sister. She’s a sun elf, she’s kinda sneaky, kinda suspicious. She’s a schemer, that one. She’s fond of pranks, but holds one hell of a grudge when she’s been caught in one. She’s the hypnotist and occasionally works with illusion magic! She grew up in the foster system after Javier died and Felix decided “fuck that noise”. As soon as Felix knew he was able to support her, Felix came back for her. Things haven’t been quite the same between them since; Chervil’s been a bit more distant, a bit more prickly. She instigates and he nitpicks and they argue. Kinda often. But everything works out alright in the end and maybe this is just how things are between them?

Kaitlyn is a jester-sort of actor who has a knack for juggling! She was brought in by her adopted older brother Vincent (a lycanthrope who works on set design and maintenance - he’s the son of a very very very good friend of Kaitlyn’s aunt Cassidy, who raised her alongside Vinny) after she was evicted from her home and had nowhere else to turn. She auditioned as a fortune teller and Felix nearly turned her away, but Holly was enamored by her performance and ended up persuading Felix to let her stay. He warmed up to her after after it turned out she had a thing for juggling and filled the role of a jester instead. She’s a satyr with a jackalope motif. ANYWAYS Kaitlyn’s a giant lesbian and she’s dating Holly. Things’re great with them.

Saru is one of the dancers. He’s a moon elf and kinda a distant cousin of Felix? It’s. It’s complicated. He was a pretty well known prostitute at one point and joined the circus mostly because Felix asked him to and because he thought it sounded fun. He’s kinda like everyone’s weird uncle. He’s delightful to write.

Tante Amaryllis is one of the acrobats, although sometimes she joins in with the dance troupe! She’s an elegant lady. Joined the circus shortly after escaping a reaaaaal bad relationship while pregnant. Ended up with identical twins, named Jasmine and Jasper. She’s been with the circus for like. Thiiiirty years, though? Don’t swear around her. She’ll have words to say if you do. 

Naomh is the circus’s youngest member! They’re a dancing violinist and joined when they were seven years old. They were taken into the circus after they were caught breaking into a tavern owned by a good friend of Felix who thought the circus would take better care of them than the foster care system would, as it isn’t very kind to most Waste-touched folk. They don’t talk much about their life before the circus, but they’ve mentioned having a twin brother who got separated from them.They haven’t had much luck finding him. The entire troupe has played a hand in raising them and the kid sees them as family. Felix fucking adores the kid. Everyone adores the kid. They’re a good kid.

There’s a bunch bunch bunch bunch more but. this is getting long. Saru will come up pretty often because he’s a delight to write for? And Tante Amaryllis and the twins Jasper and Jasmine, ESPECIALLY when Naomh is around but like. Yea. I could yell about a bunch more characters but. this is a lot. there’s technically 47, but only about a fourth of em will show up very often.

Felix, Holly, and Naomh will likely show up the most??? but who knows!! The first drabble for Family Portrait is about Felix and Naomh, though.

#creampuff rambles #a walnut #lost marbles #IM SORRY I KNOW THIS GOT #LONG. #thers a lot to say about them tho theres a lot of em and theres a lot to say about em #thank u for ur interest it warms my cold cold body in this chilly autumn weather

[5hfanfiction]

I Have Questions

Since their encounter, both girls decided they would be good friends.

Little did they know that they’d become a lot more than friends, in such a small amount of time.

Neither of them expected what was to come.

-  A few days after the party -

Lucy💕 : Hey u up? Wanna come over ;)?

Deciding to ignore the text, Lauren scoffed. “It’s 11 o’clock at night for fucks sake. Maybe she actually misses me…No that’s ridiculous. All she’s missing is my body.” Unlike she usually would, Lauren didn’t mistake the text for anything other than a booty call. She didn’t see this as one of Lucy’s odd ways of expressing her interest. She often took any type of text, call, or hang out with Lucy as a sign of affection, which is why she was disappointed so so many times. She normally gave into the hook ups and saw them as a sign of love. Not this time though.

She wasn’t sure what changed. Maybe it was Normani’s words finally getting through the “thick skull” that her best friend always said she had.

Lauren walked around her house, unsure what to do. She settled for watching tv, but groaned as she scrolled through the channels and didn’t find anything interesting. She was never one to be able to spend long amounts of time doing nothing. She always had to be doing something -anything that she deemed productive. Once again, her mother had left her to be alone. She had no siblings and her father was barely apart of her life. So more often than not, her house was empty. Lauren didn’t mind as she would normally call up Normani or Lucy. Unfortunately for her, Normani had a date with some guy she met at the party and Lucy…Well. Lucy was Lucy.

Suddenly, Lauren got an idea and was surprised that she hadn’t already done so. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her contacts until she found who she was looking for. She laughed, seeing how the girl spelt her name phonetically. Instead of “Camila” it was “Cameela” with a banana emoji next to it. She didn’t understand why “Cameela” put her name like that since she had not once said “Camilla” as most do. She had to thank her Cuban background for that one. She was also confused about the significance of the banana emoji. Lauren opened up the messages and thought about what she should say. She didn’t want to be awkward or weird, but she didn’t really know how to start off the conversation. Lauren didn’t have much experience in the dating world. Lucy was the one who first approached her and she’s only had few other innocent interactions. Although she tended to prefer women over men, she still liked men. Because of this she didn’t know how to start a conversation off over text.  She sent a short and simple “Hey” just to be safe. She put her phone back on the couch, not expecting a response for a little bit. Then she decided to look for something better to do. She turned off the tv and opted to go get one of her books.

Lauren smiled as she scanned all the rows of books that she’s collected through the years. She loved reading and could never put a good book down. She picked one of her favorites, Sound and Fury; Lauren had already read it three times. She couldn’t help but love the familiarity she felt when re-reading books. She had to have re-read each book at least once, especially if it was on her shelf. If a book was saved, then it had a special meaning to her. It wasn’t just another pastime for her. Each story carried its own significance.

Lauren first began reading when she was younger, as it was an escape from the world around her. Reading gave her an exit route when she was stuck in her room trying to drown out her parents yelling. To her, books were everything that she didn’t have: everywhere she hadn’t been, the revelations she hadn’t yet realized, the types of people she had yet to meet, and the type of love she longed for. Books were her everything. Lauren never understood how some people purposely chose to not read books. Didn’t get how they went out of their way to avoid reading. She never would. Lauren had always hoped that her future soul mate (if those were even real. She’s still not sure if she believes in soulmates) would love books just as much as she does. All so that they would strike up discussions about diction, tone, symbolism and so on. Basically everything your English teacher makes you think about, except they’d do it just for fun. Yes, Lauren is extremely nerdy and she never fails to show it.

She grabbed the book and went back to the living room. She plopped onto the couch and was surprisingly happy to see her phone lit up by a text from Camila.

Cameela🍌: Hey! What’s up?

Lauren: Nothin much… Just bored at home lol

Cameela🍌: Wow, can’t say the same for myself. I’m being turned into a princess. The whole shabang: Hair, makeup, everything!

Lauren: Is this a normal occurrence for you? Or is it only during the nighttime do you get so dolled up? I don’t remember you being a princess the night we met…

Cameela🍌: Oh, of course not every night. That would ruin the specialness of it! I have a special guest doing my hair and makeup. She happens to be only 10 years old and also my little sis btw

Lauren: How cute! What’s her name? I’ve always wanted siblings to do stuff like that with

Cameela🍌: Aw but isn’t it nice not having to share anything? Her name is Sofi and she says hi :)

Lauren: Yeah it’s nice but lonesome.

Lauren felt herself growing sad when she began to think about the empty places she had in her heart. She often felt lonely, especially at times like now where she was doing anything to occupy her time. A lot of times that’s where Lucy fell into place. Lauren grasped at anything to fill that hole. More than not, Lucy filled that hole temporarily with sexual interactions rather than affection. She always left Lauren to dig through those interactions for any resemblance of love and attention. Lauren shook her head, realizing she didn’t want to show Camila this side of her. Attempting to evade her previous statement, Lauren sent another text.

Lauren: Anyway, how is it that Dinah and I know each other, but you and I haven’t met before last saturday?

Cameela🍌: Hmm… I’m not really sure. Dinah and I often go out together, but maybe because I have all AP classes. Idk if you have any and we just have them at different times orr…?

Seeing as Camila’s text had no relevance to Lauren’s first text, Lauren sighed. Just as she had hoped. But some part of Lauren, deep down, wanted Camila to acknowledge the sad part of her. Hell, she wanted anyone to acknowledge it, but didn’t want to out right admit it. She didn’t want to crave for pity or attention, but rather wanted a way to stop herself from feeling the way she did. She thought Lucy was the answer, as she did for many things. But, most of the time, Lucy only made her feel even worse.

Lauren constantly felt helpless, trapped in this never ending heartache. Not just from the lack of love from Lucy, but the lack of family. Her mom was an only child so she didn’t have any uncles, aunts or cousins – which was rather odd for a cuban family. As for her dad’s side, all she knew is that she had a grandma and a few aunts, but not any further details. They all took his side. They all believed he was at no fault for their estranged relationship. She hated them for that. They blamed Lauren for it. They would say that her sexuality was the reason her father didn’t take part in her life. Even though it began long before Lauren even knew what the world “sexuality” meant. She let them have her beliefs. She would never try to convince them otherwise and wasn’t even bitter about it. If they thought her sexuality was a valid reason for her father to stop visiting or calling, then she figured she didn’t need those kind of people in her life.

Her mom’s mom, her abuela, one of the people she loved the most, passed away a few years ago.  That’s when Lauren first began to feel this way. And, don’t get her wrong, Normani and her family had always embraced Lauren and had her over whenever she pleased. However, it was always different. She didn’t want to feel like a burden upon them or intrude on their family time. They weren’t her family and she couldn’t forget that she no longer had one. Yes, she had her mom, but she wasn’t much. Her mother always struggled with admitting how bad of a mother she really was. As a result of Lauren living a privileged life-she had the nicest things, and never had to worry about food, money, or any material items-, her mother felt that Lauren had no reason to complain about her absence. This idea was constantly engraved into her mind. Therefore the brunette always felt guilt for feeling anything but satisfaction with her life and these “oh so wonderful” possessions her mother was able to provide her.  Yet this materialistic way of thinking was not for her. These items weren’t able to fill the hole in her heart, let alone love her as a family could. 

Lauren finally got out of her headspace and wiped the lone tear falling down her cheek. She saw that Camila texted her back 7 minutes ago and quickly sent a reply.

Lauren: So that’s probably the reason we’ve never crossed paths before. I have a couple AP classes but not all… I could never handle that along with being in softball. Do you play any sports?

Cameela🍌: Wow, I didn’t know you were apart of the team. You guys are really good. I haven’t been to a game for like a year, but I’ve heard you always put on a good show.

Cameela🍌: And omg me and sports? That would be some type of miracle…Unless you count eating as a sport?

Lauren: Haha! No, unfortunately I don’t believe eating falls into that category… Nice try tho ;) And yea, I’ve been on the varsity team since sophomore year.  

Cameela🍌: Damn I was finally going to be considered an athlete, maybe next year. Since sophomore year? Jeeze.. You must be pretty good. I guess I have a reason to go to the game on Friday, huh?

Lauren: Yes you should def come see how amazing i am ;)

Lauren then remembered to ask about the banana emoji.

Lauren: Why the banana emoji btw??

Cameela🍌: bc theyre amazing!! The best fruit! I can’t believe you would even ask why. I’m appalled…

Lauren laughed to herself, loving how goofy Camila was. She hoped this conversation was as fun for Camila as it was for her. She texted back, playing along with the banter.

Lauren: Oh shit. You’re right! How dare I!?! Sorry your highness, I won’t do it again. Promise!

Cameela🍌: Yea you better or else!

Lauren: Oooo I’m so scared

Cameela🍌: Mhm you should be. I’m quite terrifying.

Lauren: I find that hard to believe…

Cameela🍌: Yea yea whatever Lolo ;)

Lauren: new nickname?

Cameela🍌: Yes! New contact too

Lauren looked over to the clock, noticing it was about to be midnight, she cursed at herself. She had gotten lost in the conversation.

Lauren: It’s getting late btw i’m gonna head to bed. It was fun texting, maybe we’ll see each other in the halls tomorrow… gn :)

Camila: Aw okay, it was fun! And I hope so… Goodnight :)

Lauren was a little confused if Camila was flirting with her or not.. There were only a couple handfuls of girls out at their school. Maybe she should ask Dinah or Normani just incase… Then again she wasn’t sure if she liked Camila or if she just liked how someone was taking her mind off of Lucy. And yet she still hoped that Camila was flirting with her, because Lauren was most definitely flirting with her. Lauren couldn’t help it, it just came with the banter but she couldn’t help but feel that something else hidden amongst it. She smiled, rethinking about it all. Lauren felt happy to have a new friend, to learn more about a person. She was excited to know even more about the banana loving girl. She even blushed at the thought of Camila only going to the softball game for her. Thinking about all the times she tried to get Lucy to go to her games, she found that Lucy always had an excuse. Always had an excuse that Lauren accepted rather than facing the truth. The truth that Lucy didn’t find the game interesting or worth her time, even if Lauren was one of the star players. She was surprised that Camila, someone she had only met a few days ago, was already interested in going already. She smiled thinking about seeing Camila’s face in the stands as she was going up to bat. She could get used to seeing that girl with pretty brown eyes cheering her on. As Lauren thought more about it, she began to get butterflies in her stomach.

Author’s Note:

Hey it’s Aly! To all of you who are reading this, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I definitely tried to make it longer than the last. I’ll keep making them longer as time goes on, or at least try to. Sorry this took a bit, but it seems that my mind only goes into writing mode between 1 and 4 a.m. Anyway, I’m really looking forward for you all to see the build in Lauren and Camila’s relationship. Hopefully you’ll follow the story through and be able to see how it ends! Also big thanks to those of you who have come forward and offered to help me with this story. I really appreciate you guys and hope that we’ll be able to make the story great! Let me know what you think and spread the word :)

P.S: If any of you ever feel like talking about anything and everything just hmu on my tumblr!

#UPDATE #series #AU #camren #based on song #angst drama #humour #romance fluff #submission #I Have Questions

[isaacathom]

i had the realisation that Muna Shonyul has probably actually met Baron Brasteon of Dovaldun. he’s here second cousin once removed, which while that’d generally get you a blank stare, considering that Muna’s mother and father were themselves second cousins, this whole family it just generally ~aligned~. Plus there’s the fact that Brasteon became a Baron when he was only 18, and was an only child. to me its not unreasonable that he might be closer to his more distant family because he just DOesnt have that large of a family (aside from his paternal family, who are commoners. there are a fair few in there)

so Muna Shonyul probably treated Brasteon akin to an uncle. One that you don’t see that often, but you still mostly enjoy their company. Brasteon was a very different kind of guy to her father and even her mother, an irreverent goof.

It means she also knew immediately when she saw Brandeon Wardis that he was Brasteon’s son. sure she was only 9 at the time, but she got it. she was 5 when Kiani was born, and 6 for Pazeon. she remembered all that. she knows what her parents look like. She knows that a dark haired dark eyed man and his brown haired blue eyed wife, a red haired red eyed baby makes No sense. And shit, she knows who Brasteon is! She knows that’s exactly what he looks like. She might have even known before Hintero did, depending on the sequence of events directly after Elion had the baby.

It would be pretty fucked up if Muna recognised the baby’s parentage and reported it to her father. Perhaps out a naive confusion (”Why does Mum’s son look like uncle Brasteon?” sort of thing) rather than a malicious intent, but its entirely possible she did that. Muna probably wasn’t aware that Brasteon and Elion had been an item prior to Elion being married to Hintero, so she doesn’t know the history - she’s just reporting what she sees.

though! this does all raise an interesting point. Is Brandeon Wardis a genuine Shonyul if he is descended from a Shonyul? Brasteons’ great grandfather was the Duke of Shonyul (thats the shonyul Hintero and Muna Emaldo are related through as well, again, they’re All second cousins). His grandfather was the one kid in that gen who couldnt get a title off his parents, so married the Baroness of Dovaldun, and so it goes. Naturally Brandeon should be considered a Dovaldun, but a Shonyul? Are the Dovalduns considered Shonyuls, at the very least where their lines merge? (With Brasteon’s death in ~392, the Barony had to go up through the aforementioned Baroness and to her great grand niblings or whatever, so those Dovaldun’s dont mean shit.) surely if Brasteon were considered a Shonyul, he would not have been unceremoniously murdered. That isn’t supposed to happen in a family, especially one where Brasteon was quite present. Then again Muna Shonyul is basically set to kill her own dad so maybe the shonyuls are just like, Fucks.

It’s possible that the main reason Hintero ‘legitimised’ Brandeon (Brandeon was legally his son but socially it was more a ‘i never said he wasnt my son’ thing. legalisation vs decriminalisation or WHATEVER, its close-ish to that). Because even though he is fucking furious about the whole thing, and ends up killing this man who might as well have been a brother, he can’t bring himself to completely destroy his son. its.... maybe a step far. yea he’s gonna treat the boy like shit and all but claim him to be a bastard publicly (after all, in private, the kid was known until like 408 as ‘Warzen’, lit. Bastard. He DID have the nickname ‘tami’ from the Skardels tho), but he won’t kill the boy. ESPECIALLY when te boy says he is a boy and he goes ‘well shit i have a straight niece (cousin once removed but shush) who has an awkward position in succession, now that you’re a guy you’re useful! lets give you a name and get you married’. god Hintero sucks. like he didn’t kill a kid but he saddled the kid with a lot of shit.

its great! its a lot of fun! and i suppose it makes it easier for him to mentally accept that kid as his own when he does share dna with the kid, SORT OF (second cousins once removed, Mother Fuckers, its the absolute Nightmare)

for what its worth, while we’re remembering that Hintero and Brandeon are actually related in a directly traceable way (but not the like dad-son one, oof), even with that connection Brandeon and Stelia were not related. legally they were second cousins (god end me) but they dont have Shit by way of ~the blood~. its great. what a delight.

listen everyones relationships? confusing. weird. nonsense. and hintero’s just an asshole generally, even if you are like a brother to him. fuck if you ARE a brother to him. we don’t talk about the Usals enough but BOY OWDY what the fuck is up with the Usals, huh? whats the story. not only the question of why they dont see to be that prominent despite Baron Daren of Usal literally being Hintero’s brother, but why the Barony of Usal (presumably attached to the Duchy of Shonyul) was only split off in the 380s, rather than 340s for the benefit of the Duke of Shonyul’s third kid, who ended up being the Dovaldun connection. its wild. shit, that third kid, that Lord Shonyul who was Brasteon’s granddad? only died a year after Brasteon did, 320-393.shits wild.

basically Hintero is a huge asshole, barely acknowledges his younger brother and his entire family (probably for the bests, the Usals specifically aren’t Shonyul supporters, and the Birtons who married in are.... democratically inclined, on occasion), killed his second cousin, tormented his second cousin’s kid who was the only son of his second wife and a bastard in that, and just, hooooooo

#story blogging #the fuckers getting whats coming to him is the point. hintero's getting fucked up and its What he Deserves #i need to do hw but i want me to remember that Brasteon is basically Muna's other uncle aside from Daren Usal #and. well... Brasteon is SUPER dead and Muna knows all about it :)

[ugdigital]

[Exclusive] @ActorSirBrodie: Survivor’s Remorse

​We’re thrilled to bring you get another great exclusive right here at UGD! This time, we’ve connected with Sir Brodie, who has become one of the more prominent faces on the Starz hit series Survivor’s Remorse. In just five years, Brodie has built a significant name for himself, having made appearances in a number of popular shows. It’s with Survivor’s Remorse that he’s beginning to make his biggest impact, as the world is beginning to see how amazing an actor he truly is. Take a read below as we chat about the show and all else he’s got popping off these days.

Survivor’s Remorse premieres its fourth season tonight!

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U.G. Digital Mag: In coming together for Survivor’s Remorse, I’m embarrassed to say I really just caught all three seasons of the show man. It’s really good work. I know you come along in season three, but it’s really good. Talk about your character?

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Sir Brodie: My character is one of Julius’ friends. He was the uncle to Cam. Julius was Mike Epps’ character, and I was one of his friends from Boston. I came in during the funeral, as you know his character was killed in an accident at the close of Season two. Pookie is more the level-headed friend. He’s the one that all the rest of the boys trust. When you see him in season three, he’s more concerned about sending off their friend with respect and dignity. Another friend in the scene by the name Cakebread is more the “fuck-up”. He’s the comic relief [laughing]. At the end of the season, you see M-Chuck coming to Pookie to find out who her father was.

​

U.G. Digital Mag: Right. She had been asking for a while. So many viewers have ideas, and of course, you’re seen throughout the new season. You’ve got to give us some intel about the show man [laughing]. What can we expect for the new season?

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Sir Brodie: Man, I think you’ll expect a lot more comedy. Tichina is hilarious. The cast is hilarious.

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U.G. Digital Mag: It’s funny that she [Tichina] hasn’t been in a role like this before. She has such longevity and we’ve seen her in so much, but this is perfect because she’s taken it and run with it.

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Sir Brodie: I know. With Survivor’s Remorse, the writing staff actually gives the lead characters a lot of room and opportunity to come in the writer’s room and discuss their characters. They have a lot to do with how it all unfolds. They allowed me this past fall to come into the writer’s room and discuss Pookie’s character.

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U.G. Digital Mag: That’s amazing because it doesn’t solidify anything in stone necessarily, but it gives the idea that you’ll be there for some time.

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Sir Brodie: Man, we’re praying for that [laughing].

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U.G. Digital Mag: I know man. I say let’s put it out there. It’s really good, but even outside of the show, you’ve done really good work. I see you’re also a part of an upcoming episode of The Haves and the Have Nots, which is one of my favorite shows. Actually, we just connected with Jon Chaffin this morning, who plays Warlock on the show. Talk a little about your spot there?

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Sir Brodie: My role is that of a police officer. We actually shot that, man, it’s probably been a year or more ago. I can barely remember what was going on. I know we were investigating something in the hotel. I don’t even want to give that away [laughing]. Somebody’s been killed.

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U.G. Digital Mag: They’re going to kill me man, because I’ve been digging for info. I’ve connected with a few people from the show over the past few weeks.

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Sir Brodie: Yea, but I know we’re investigating. Honestly, I never know who it is based on the script I had, so I don’t know. I’m playing a police officer, basically when the cop shows up on the scene. It’s a small role, but a major blessing to do it with Tyler Perry. All of us actors in the game, especially here in Atlanta, are dying to work for Tyler Perry.

​

U.G. Digital Mag: Man, the actors here in Cleveland want to work with Tyler, so I know it’s a huge blessing [laughing]. I think it’s amazing for you. What I think is that it speaks volumes to you as an actor because you’re getting these parts in prominent productions. Blue Bloods, MacGyver, and more. Sleepy Hollow. I think it’s great, and the opportunities are flooding in for black actors in general. As I watched these three seasons, I started pinpointing who I wanted to connect with, and you were right at the top of the list. I thought it would be great to hear the experiences you’ve had with the show, and how it’s helping your career. I look from the outside obviously, and feel like it’s doing tremendous things for you. The growth is exponential. The show is huge.

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Sir Brodie: It’s the biggest booking of my career. The experience of those great actors, and being around them is great. RonReaco is amazing. I couldn’t believe he didn’t get any awards last year. Starz is a subscription channel, so a lot of people don’t get to see it like they can see Empire on network television. But once they see it, they continue to watch. We don’t lose fans. I enjoy the show because it’s real. They keep it on the real and hold no punches. It’s funny and dramatic. You have all the elements.

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U.G. Digital Mag: I can tell they give you free reign and allow you to develop the character into something believable. This is stuff that is really happening.

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Sir Brodie: Yea, but you’ll like Pookie. He’s the OG from the neighborhood.

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U.G. Digital Mag: It was weird when you first came in because I thought from that point, you’d be there the entire season. Of course, you came back eight episodes later for the “Father’s Day” episode. But this is real stuff. When RonReaco came in contact with his dad, people live that everyday. What are some of the other things going on that are coming up?

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Sir Brodie: We have an independent movie in Atlanta, The Products of the American Ghetto, and it’s based on a book written by Tierre Ford. It talks about the Atlanta landscape when crack cocaine came on the scene, and the drug war between the Atlanta dealers and Miami dealers. It touches on the Miami police when they implemented the red dogs, which was a task force designed to clean the streets of drugs. They were given free reign in Atlanta.

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U.G. Digital Mag: There’s a lot of powerful people in here, like Robin Givens, and Darrin Dewitt Henson.

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Sir Brodie: Right, there’s a lot of good names here. They’re actually premiering it here in Atlanta on the 23rd of this month. Next Wednesday. That movie will do well in our community here. I play an OG character in that movie as well. I seem to get them roles, and I channel my father. That’s coming. I just finished shooting an untitled project. It’s an Al Pacino film based on Joe Paterno. That’s all I can really say on it.

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U.G. Digital Mag: That’s cool man. I saw that project coming, as well as The Products of The American Ghetto, and saw the caliber of people involved. I imagine it will do well.

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Sir Brodie: Then we’re just out here grinding, and auditioning. It’s a lot of projects shooting here in Atlanta now, so the actors here have a chance to be involved in a lot more. Before, we would all go to LA, but now you don’t have to leave. if you want to be a working actor, you can do it here in Atlanta.

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U.G. Digital Mag: You’re right. Honestly, I’m seeing that in a lot more cities now. You can do what you want there, and it’s amazing how much Atlanta has grown. It’s ironic because I’ve considered relocating there. It’s amazing how many more opportunities are there. A lot of that is because people there are doing so much, including Tyler Perry, to make those opportunities available.

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Sir Brodie: Definitely.

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U.G. Digital Mag: What things are you looking forward to doing in the future?

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Sir Brodie: Eventually, I want to do some of my own projects. When you create your own, you have a lot more creative control. I have that desire. I started acting five years ago, and it’s been a learning process. It’s definitely been a fast learning process. Most people say it takes ten to fifteen years to really make it, so I’m still in my grinding mode, and feeling the business of acting out. Hopefully, I can do a few projects on my own. I have a few ideas. I guess if I can put a wish out there, I want to play in a remake of Shaft and actually be Shaft.

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U.G. Digital Mag: I can see that happening, and it would be a good thing. I say put it on the table and it will come.

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Sir Brodie: Absolutely.

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U.G. Digital Mag: Obviously, many people look to get into this amazing field of acting. What advice do you offer? I ask that because things are moving great for you. It often does take fifteen years or more. Things are really happening for you at a rapid rate, and it’s great. Surely, you’re working hard, but you’re following your dreams. What advice do you offer?

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Sir Brodie: It’s the same advice I give for anyone looking to do something with their life. You first have to desire it and have it in your heart, and be willing to put in the effort it takes to see that come to pass, coupled with a lot of prayer. Whatever you want to do, you have to learn it. I had to learn the craft of acting. I took an acting class every week for three years because I wanted to do this. I said it when I started, that some people have natural talent. That’s good, but It takes more than that though. You have to make the commitment to train and educate yourself. Be willing to work for free and understand that. I was in projects for three years and wasn’t getting paid. It was free stuff, but I got that advice from Greg Allen Williams. I was a background performer on Necessary Roughness, and he told me that if I wanted to do it, don’t worry about the pay. Don’t worry about if the project is great or not great. You need to learn every aspect of it so you can recognize a good project, a good director, and a good DP, so you have to do it all. Young directors and filmmakers are the future, and many of them don’t have money to pay you to work with them. You have to establish those relationships. I went to class and started networking. People were calling because they knew I would say yes [laughing]. You have to work hard and network. Whatever role you book is for you. We’re not really competing because what’s for you is for you. You have to be out there though.

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U.G. Digital Mag: I love the fact you said work for free. That’s goes for any profession. I take that back to my own personal experiences in Journalism. In the beginning, I was willing to do it for free. My thing was I have a job, and I have money coming in, so I can do this for free, and I wasn’t scared to say it. The experience and knowledge trumps. If that means I need to intern or work for free, I’ll do it. Many times, that’s your only way in. Especially with Journalism, you need two to three years of experience for the entry level stuff. It resonates for sure. I tell people that, and many frown, but it’s essential.

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Sir Brodie: If you have a passion for it you’ll make it. I can act all day long. I love to do it. The grind and struggle works at building you and building your character. When the success comes, then you won’t squander it. I enjoy the present moment. Tomorrow is not promised. Enjoy the moment now and hope for tomorrow.

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U.G. Digital Mag: I love it. Where can people keep up with you online?

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Sir Brodie: All my info is @actorsirbrodie, on Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter…

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U.G. Digital Mag: I can’t even lie man, I don’t know how you do the Snapchat thing, I can’t keep up with that one..

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Sir Brodie: Yea, you do so many things. I film on one, and then have to figure out how to get it to the other one. Its a part of the business now. Production looks at it though. They want to know your social media following.

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U.G. Digital Mag: Right. Again man, thank you so much for today. It’s surely an honor.

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Sir Brodie: Thank you!

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