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moooncats · 3 months

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✿ Pick A Card: Traits/Aura of Future Spouse ✿

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✿ Pile 1 : Clarity & Generousity ✿

✿ The Giver ✿

Your future spouse is very much advanced when it comes to deep thinking into ones own conscious. They know how to separate their own intuition from the mental chatter that is going on in their heads. The clarity of their intuition is a sweet, simple fruit that tastes familiar to them. The mental chatter is a bitter rind that they peel off and chuck into the garbage (or compost heap, when their mental chatter seems to be organic cx ). They are also very generous, they will shower you with compliments, gifts, anything they can physically give to you. I'm seeing the giving tree in my minds eye. They will always be there for you and will love to be the one that you count and depend on. No matter how much, or how little they have, they will give, give, give. They intuitively know that there is enough to go around, and the main key is to allow it to keep going so the cycle can continue on forever- without stopping. If they don't give it is like they are the one person in the stadium who doesn't do the wave.

✿ Future spouses Aura: Green tones ✿

Your future spouse may have a green thumb and devle in green magick. If you don't know what that means, they are a master planter when it comes to bringing green life into fruition. They may also be rich as well as green is the color of money. Green is the heart chakra, they have many love to give when it comes to you and their heart chakra is forever open you those around them. It is quite infectious! They have unconditional love, empathy, and emotional equilibrium. (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.) 🌱✨️

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✿ Pile 2 : Trust & Warmth ✿

✿ The Gentle Giant ✿

Your future spouse has trust in the divine universe and is very brave when it comes to knowing that everything will be fine in the end. They have this instinct knowing in their gut that everything is always going to be okay. They rather live a fun life with trust and confidence than be a defensive weiner. All their focus is geared towards warmth. They let it guide every interaction that they have with all beings, little or big. No matter how other's behave, they choose to respond warmly. With warmth, they can melt any icy exterior. They can soften any hard feelings. They have adopted the saying "kill them with kindness". Omg pile 2, I'm hearing "Cuddly Teddy Bear"! Your future spouse is a Gentle Giant and they choose to be the kind one in every and any situation. They have lived many lifetimes. This is not their first time around the block. Their empathy shows no bounds when it comes to you and others in their vicinity.

✿ Future Spouses Aura : Blue/Purple & Indigo ✿

Your future spouse uses their throat chakra a lot to convey sweet and empathic messages to the world. They do not shy from spreading peace and positivity out into the world. They are also very much in tune with their intuition and gives trust to the universe to guide them and give them hidden messages. They are very self aware and give into their gut feeling and 6th sense. I'm hearing when you two meet they will know instantly as you are litteraly the person that they have been having constant dreams about. Omg this is so cute pile 2!! I love this for you. 🌠💫✨️ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ

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✿ Pile 3 : Individuality & Boundless Love ✿

✿ The Alien ✿

Your future spouse was definitely the black sheep of society. Pile 3, I am going to be honest with you- this is the pile that I had a bit of trouble getting energy from. Your future spouse is very independant and they like to be lowkey. Take what you may with that information. Okayyy, now back to the reading. I'm hearing they may have a mental illness (Autism, Schizophrenia, OCD, ADD, etc) that has caused them to look through the lesnses of life with their own flare and style. Im hearing Neuro Divergent. They show delight in being their own quirky person, even if they connect with their friends/family/siblings/children/cousins/cats/dogs/sea monkeys- they see the unique beauty in being their own (sometimes crazy cx ) self. It's alright if their near (or far) and (mostly) dear ones don't always understand them. To be honest, they kinda take it as a compliment. Because of being a black sheep/ alien can cause isolation to some, they have developed an amazing super power- boundless love. They made sure to have their heart open for everyone so they can be known as a person who is just flipping wholesome! On the outside they may look a bit eccentric, or odd looking... but once you get to know them you'll see how multi faceted and just delighful they are! (: They understand that the world is filled with tiny miracles, with this in mind it is quite easy for them to fall in love over and over again, with anything from the honey bee's to neon signs. Whenever they are feeling inspired to love- everything sort of just falls into place.

✿ Future Spouses Aura : Light Tan / Blue ✿

They are so unique! Omg, Light tan is connected with brown. They are very earthly and in tuned with the inner core of the world. They may have had emotional trauma and learned coping mechanisms as a child to deal with it. With the additions of blue, they are in tuned with their throat chakra. They do not shy away from saying things that come from their uniquely structured brain and will have a blast partaking in deep thought provoking conversations with you! 🧠🗣✨️(✿◠‿◠)

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Mahalo for reading my 4th ever tarot reading! This is my first time playing with colors and do I dare say, I am digging it! (: Please remember to hydrate and continue on being your amazing selves. I love you all, moooncats out! (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)🚀🌌✨️

#pac #pick a card #pick a pile #pick one #free tarot #tarotreading #tarotblr #tarot #tarot cards #moooncatstarot #intuitive #intuition #reading #baby witch #witchblr #future spouse #future spouse reading

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drdemonprince · 1 year

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Hi - I'm having a really hard time figuring out how to cultivate community, and would love any advice!

I currently have two friends (one long distance, one who lives nearby) and live with my spouse. All of these people are also socially isolated. I spend most of my day alone in my home; I don't work because my spouse's income can support us both; I don't go out because my spouse is immunocompromised so we generally avoid being around other people; and I don't engage in online spaces very much (mostly following a few authors whose books I like or watching youtube videos about special interests). I'm autistic, adhd, and struggle with ocd, which are all things I learned about in the past two years.

I've tried to become more engaged in hobby-focused online spaces, but have found that I am not great at reading the social rules or am somehow behaving in an inappropriate way due to misunderstanding the way people were communicating. This happens both online and in-person. Over time, I've tried to become more observant, but this has led to a sort of social inertia as observer rather than participant, which excludes me from the connection-making experience so many people seem to have.

Based on some of what you have written, it seems like you put a lot of importance in community building and the work of cultivating friendships. I've seen you suggest seeking out identity-based groups (like autistic support groups or enby support groups) or seeking out hobby-based groups (like going to cons), and these are all things I've tried before but always felt unable to be a part of - like I have an invisible bubble around me that blocks me from really connecting.

I feel really frustrated and a little ashamed about all this. Like I should be trying harder or doing more in order to become more involved with the world around me. I guess, how do I do the work of cultivating community when it feels like most communities won't have me as I am? (not to say that I'm a perfect unchangeable person, but that in some core way I'm rejectable?)

I don't think you need to try "harder," just that you need to keep trying. There are a lot situational reasons why you are so isolated that it sounds like you're very well aware of, so try to keep those factors in mind to check your own feelings of brokenness/rejectability/underservingness when they occur.

You don't leave the house much. You don't participate actively in most online spaces. You don't have many opportunities for organically meeting people. No wonder you have so few connections in your life *and* feel so self-conscious and awkward when you do make an attempt. Anybody would in your situation. You need like hundreds more hours of attempts, potentially, for it to start to feel more natural and less panic inducing. That's a big part of why the first tip in my advice column on the subject is to know that this process takes years, it did for me, and to not take that as a reflection of who you are as a person.

The research on how people form friendships says time and time again that we build relationships by being in proximity to people numerous times and with consistency. That's it, and that's all. There is no magic juice or essential quality that you lack. Among neurotypicals, research shows people are more likely to be friends with people who have last names that are closer to their own in the alphabet, because those people are/were more likely to sit next to one another in class as kids. That's really how arbitrary this shit is.

We befriend the people who are around us a lot, who we interact with a lot. And so, you'll just need to be around the same people a lot (does not have to mean literally physically around, it could be in the same zoom room or discord call), and interact with them a lot. It sounds like a lot of the online spaces you've attempted to be a part of so far are not quite social enough -- I would say do not consider social media to be socializing, it's more like social snacking (tho there are some exceptions).

instead try to identify some online events or groups with meetings / synchronous forms of communicating. Watch parties, online game playing sessions, online writing groups, support groups, meetings, etc -- ones where you have interactions with a handful of the same people, where they get to know your name/handle and become familiar with you and interact with you multiple times.

You can also try asynchronous forms of communication, but they have to again be really specific and personal. Things like exchanging letters or having a pen pal or playing correspondence chess with someone -- not posting on say instagram or reddit or whatever. It has to be a form of interaction where you get to know a specific person, and they get to know you, and you navigate some of those interpersonal conflicts and insecurities that you're talking about.

Maybe you are rubbing people the wrong way sometimes, that's okay, being annoying is not a crime. don't give up. Maybe they are just dropping off the map on you sometimes for their own reasons or not being super enthusiastic and you are reading that in a negative light when it is in fact a neutral cue. Keep at it. That's really the only way to get better at it, i'm afraid.

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pateredere · 2 months

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ayo what's poppin it's gemma here ( s/h, 21+ ) & i am so beyond excited for opening day! i'll be writing for the park i canon, park jeongho, the mayor's son & current chairman of the urban construction committee! i've got a ton more info under the cut ( mild tw for abuse ) cause as usual i haven't learnt to shut my trap but if you're at all keen to plot with me please hit that LIKE button! would definitely prefer d*scord but i can do tumblr ims too ( just afraid of the shadowban ya kno )! but yes tysm mwah!

speaking directly to my sisters in the church of astrology he's a scorpio sun ( mysterious n evil coded basically ) / taurus moon ( craves stability ) / cap rising ( hardworking & efficient lil bastard ) so yeah he's a bit mad to say the least

only child of park jeongwon, the current mayor! to understand jeongho you need to understand a little bit about the parks, but essentially every way in which they move comes with a political agenda so it's no surprise that his parents' marriage is fully a political arrangement! the point of the marriage was to sire an heir and once jeongho was born his mom peaced the fuck out of parenting and went on her merry way living as the jobless wife of the wealthiest man in town! she probably had intended to care for jeongho to some degree but she peaced out honestly for survival ( more on that in the next dot point )

that said jeongho was brought up almost entirely by his father and what i mean by that is he was brought up by the help and criticised often by his father. jeongwon in a nutshell is a smart man honestly prodigy level smart ( think one of those kids who don't study and gets 100% on a test cause the answer is just "common sense" ) with zero empathy so what you get is a grating narcissist who thinks they're better than einstein and he expects no less of his son! most of jeongho's childhood was his father asking for jeongho's test scores and when it's not up to par he just gets smacked and berated and called an idiot kid and honestly he's not much nicer to his wife which is why she made herself scarce

that was essentially the entirety of jeongho's childhood and it lends to his ocpd which he developed at a relatively young age! most people mistake it for ocd but it's really not that he just has an extreme obsession with perfectionism, order and control so he gets irrationally upset when things are not absolutely perfect like everything in his wardrobe is colour-coded and organised by attire type and everyone needs to wash their hands before interacting with him and the help must clean the parts of the house that any human walks through so yeah it's honestly pretty bad but in typical ocpd style he sees no issue with this and thinks other people are just lazy and unclean

anyway as per usual after high school he fucks off to the army and serves in the navy! he chose the navy mostly because jeongho had found goero's ocean to be really calming and had spent a lot of his youth swimming there when he needed to escape his dad! it's when he's in the army that he finds out his cousin passes which honestly is a shame because he liked jeongbin but at the end of the day jeongho wasn't really super close to him so it was kind of whatever

...which explains why he decides it's a good idea to scoop the late jeongbin's girlfriend and attempt to marry her!? as i said everything the parks do is politically motivated and there is no better political move frankly than to marry a yang to combine the park and yang assets so like sorry jeongbin but yeah! outside of those positives jeongho also frankly wanted to marry yang to "win" over his father in terms of choosing a spouse cause obviously his father did not marry a yang ( now's a good time to slip in that this father and son duo are constantly in competition ) and this was really his first ever rebel moment against his dad ( which if you think about it is pretty pathetic )

until his fiance jilted his ass at the altar so now he's the laughing stock of the town and his father is the striking image of mother gothel! after this whole bout jeongho finally and painfully admits that he's lost in this competition with his dad and he is most definitely dumber than his dad and so from here on out he just does everything his control freak of a dad says

father says go to uni so he fucks off to get an undergrad polsci degree then his dad tells him to marry one of his lackey's daughters so he can maintain control over jeongho AND his wife so he fucks off and proposes to shin and now with the land developers coming into goero his dad tells him to run for chairman of the urban construction committee so jeongwon can fully wash his hands of this land developer business ( importantly, he wants jeongho to put a stop to it and make sure no one sells ) so off he goes and that's the reason why he's currently chairman of said committee

cho jiyeon. as said, jeongwon is a really grating man who puts a lot of pressure on his son and constantly berates and belittles him whenever he doesn't get things done and what his father simply cannot understand is how the land developers are still in goero and chalks it up to how useless jeongho is. jiyeon continually bothers the parks and reminds jeongwon that she's still here and jeongho gets yelled at like he's fifteen again and at some point while jiyeon's talking her head off and says something mildly condescending to a "country boy" like him he realises that things would be so much easier if she just... disappeared. anger gets the best of him and you know how the rest of that story goes

anyway yeah jeongho is an absolute asshole sure but he's genuinely not a psychopath so what happened with jiyeon haunts him heaps but he tries his very best to move past it and live life as though she genuinely skipped town but yeah! few years pass and it becomes easier and now we're all caught up!

ok this was so long like you can stop here if you want below is just a bit about his personality / what to expect in interactions with him! also i don't have any plot ideas mostly because it's a skeleton rp and i feel like his relationship with each canon is unique given the political scene and stuff so generic plot ideas are kinda hard but yeah!

ok so personality-wise i would say that given his dad has drilled into him how useless and stupid he is jeongho is very aware that he is not the sharpest tool in the shed so he honestly is willing to hear people out when they talk to him! don't get me wrong he's definitely proud but he's not proud enough to think that he doesn't need anyone's help because he knows all kings have their advisors and he needs them! no shame in the game! ( also to clarify he's not actually stupid he's probably more just the type of person that gets good grades because he works hard and is organised and does all his assignments before it's due and not the type that gets up the day of the assignment due date and does it within an hour and gets a high distinction for it )

his father is also a really grating man to everyone else because he is smart so he thinks he doesn't need anyone cause everyone's suggestions are always dumb compared to him and his father often burns bridges but! because jeongho is aware of his weaknesses he is not that type of person so while he may feel a certain way about you he definitely is the sort to put on a polite enough facade! one thing he tends to do is the compliment sandwich where he can say something insulting in a not-totally-aggressive way and with a smile then sandwich it between normal conversation to make you think wait... did he just insult me or did i hallucinate it? maybe he just doesn't realise how he's coming across because of his upbringing? yeah

also to tack onto all this he is a very efficient guy and a proud workaholic ( also thanks to his ocpd ) so you'll see in interactions with him that he tends to move rather fast and speak rather direct and just operates at practically 2x speed! very much a say something useful or don't say anything at all type of person and he can be rather dismissive if he feels the conversation is not going to be fruitful within the first few sentences

also re: his ocpd things have to exist in a certain order and he expects a level of perfectionism always and there's a certain set of rules that you may need to learn especially if you're interacting with him frequently ( applies more to people who live and work with him )

all of this is about work but of course jeongho does lighten up from time to time! he has a group of friends who honestly it's questionable if they like him or his status but i imagine jeongho's life is something like the truman show where you have so much power that people are often pandering to you and you just think everyone is like that cause you're great when in reality they want something from you! but point is he does hang out and drink and fuck a lot and he's uhm certainly not loyal to his wife so there's that! will say though that he is very picky about the company he keeps and the people who know the "real" him

#𝐢𝐯. OUT OF CHARACTER.#eldrtch:int

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ladybirdplace · 4 months

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Mindfulness

Content Warning: Descriptions of autistic overstimulation and panic attacks. Mentions of suicidality and passing mention of self harm.

You know, I’ve never really resonated with mindfulness at all. Being in the present moment is the exact moment that I do not want to be in when I’m upset.

Being present is scary. I know that the kind of people who have therapized me in the past would find it hard to believe that when I’m panicking, I am in the present moment. Yes, maybe I am thinking about the future or the past but being within the moment itself is bad enough if you know something is gonna happen to you. It doesn’t matter if it won’t happen right that instant, just the fact that it’s going to happen is bad enough.

I don’t panic about possible events or things like that, I panic solely about things that are going to happen, commitments I’ve made that I cannot get out of, going somewhere I don’t wanna be, talking to people, being around people, doing things I don’t want to do, and my panic is only abated if whatever is going to happen is called off, nothing more, nothing less.

I hate being conscious of my body. I already am hyper conscious of my body because I’m autistic. I hate thinking about my breathing, or feeling anything at all, actually.

I’m extremely conscious of the fact that my entire body is tensing and radiating heat, my hearing is muffled and my head is full of cotton, adrenaline is slowly being fed into my bloodstream with every second that passes and there is an increasing pressure inside my skin pressing outward trying to break my skin open unless I start hurting myself to release it.

Even when I’m not panicking, being conscious of my body makes me feel worse, not better.

And knowing what I’m feeling isn’t the problem. I know exactly what I’m feeling and why and exactly from what mental problem of mine it comes from. That doesn’t help at all.

This is more CBT stuff, but my emotions don’t respond to reason. In fact, them being irrational is part of the problem. The fact that I know they’re irrational makes me more scared or upset or angry. I feel helpless because I am helpless to my emotions. My emotions ruin my fucking life every day of my life, and very little helps at all.

And sometimes, the only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because my instinct to avoid any risk at all, to think myself into the ground before I do anything, wouldn’t allow me to do anything so dangerous.

I’m still working on the process of just letting my thoughts pass without attaching any emotional significance to them, knowing that they often are trying to provoke me. I’m not good at it at all. Having OCD and ADD sucks because I’ll decide not to acknowledge my intrusive thoughts or refuse to do a mental compulsion and immediately forget that I was trying to do that and get swept up in the thought.

That's really the only standard mindfulness practice I actually find useful.

But of course, this post is about the way that I mostly practice mindfulness in regards to my love for myself.

My favorite thing is when I’m sad or lonely or worried, and suddenly I think of myself, how I’m there with myself. It’s like your partner looking at you, and saying, "hi!"

And you say, "hi," and smile. And you remember you’re not alone.

And I say to myself, "I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I married you for a reason. I’m your spouse, no matter what. I chose you. I still choose you. I’m going to stay with you. And I’ll always be with you. Remember all we've been through? I understand. I hear you."

And then I smile, and feel better.

It's really the only grounding that makes me feel better at all. Nothing else works.

I’m doing my best to give myself as much care as possible. This winter has hit me hard, and I constantly feel lonely and needy.

I crave love and affection, and I’m trying to do my best to give it to myself instead of spiraling into rumination and hopelessness.

#ladybird speaks #autosexual #autosexuality #autoromantic #autoromanticism #self care #mindfulness #I have the mindfulness tag blocked actually lol

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fanmoose12 · 1 year

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Students in awe and fear at Mr. Ackerman, their student's head of Maintenance and Disinfection. At such a small stature he gives off evil vibes when you carelessly dirty an area of the classroom. As much as they complain to their parents, they side with Mr. Ackerman after his explanation of cleaning after themselves builds their character. The students know it was Principal Smith's doing of fine toothing his explanation as Levi's cussing was legendary.

Enter Ms. Zoe or Hange as they prefer to be called. One of the tenors of the school and favorite professor of the students. It was common to see Levi stalking their class as hers was notorious of being messy and the students feel a win-win situation, they get to mess around while hang out with their favorite professor.

Much as the students complain about Levi they still find his tenacity for cleaning admirable and the incident of him fighting off some gangs outside the campus after they harassed one of the female students addedd to his appeal. The gang smelled like bleach for a week, warning the students if they were near, and the gang leader's cheek still had an indent of Levi's ring from where he was punched.

One of the resident bullies took it too far and started badmouthing Levi in Hange's class after she playfully reminded them to leave the lab as clean as possible as Levi would get angry with her. The bully said he was a thug, just a lowly janitor as he didn't finish his studies and his mental OCD to clean.

That was the 1st day the students felt fear when they saw Ms. Hange's gaze at him and the cold voice that they will escort the bully to the principal's office. He dropped out the following week.

If they looked closer, the students would have noticed identical matching rings on Mr. Ackerman and Ms. Hange. How they thought Levi cleaned last Hange's classroom as it was the messiest but it was because they could go home together after a day of work.

Well. That was long. My bad.

oh, i love aus with levihan as school workers so much! and, yes, there are a plenty of weirdos in the school (pe teacher mr zacharias has a very strange habit of smelling people, principal smith is way too passionate and intense sometimes), but levi and hange definitely are the leaders of the weirdos' chart. they're loved and respected in the school, although many students admire and fear them in equal amounts, and there are tons of gossips surrounding them. some believe that levi is an ex-thug, some are convinced that hange used to work for government as a scientist but was sent off to school because their research was way too controversial. and, of course, students don't miss the rings on levi and hange's fingers. no one is much interested in hange's love life (most believe that they're married to someone as crazy as them, there are also some students who think that hange is married to their lab assistant, moblit, although there is no ring on his finger). but levi..... oh, levi is a much more intriguing topic. students discuss his spouse constantly, wondering what they might look like. they imagine someone flawless, some as orderly and tidy as levi, someone who can effortlessly keep up with his cleaning standards. so when the secret (which isn't much of a secret, hange flirts with levi constantly and they spend every break together) is out, everyone's jaws is on the floor, no one can quite believe it, and the a bunch of the bravest students even ask hange directly about it, to which they reply with, "guys! don't you remember what i taught about magnets? opposites attract!"

#sorry sorry for replying so late #too much work not enough time to set my levihan brainworms free

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foggyfanfic · 9 months

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Love and Fury's Future

I'm writing this in the beginning of June, but if I've done my math right, the epilogue for Love and Fury escaped the queue this past Friday. There are still a couple of one shots in the works, things like where Leandra and Bruno's kids come from, or Mirabel's gift ceremony (Edit: These will start appearing on Friday), but right now I'm writing the last few chapters and I need to put into words where I want Leandra and Bruno's life to go from here in order to help me work out what seeds to plant. And since I'm writing it down anyways, I'm going to put it here and just release it when the fic is done.

First and foremost, I don't want Leandra to solve all of Bruno's problems, so much as she helps him manage. Leandra should be to Bruno what Felix is to Pepa, she's loving and supportive but there's only so much one person can do.

She'll need to cushion the relationship between Bruno and Alma, so neither of them notices how far apart they've drifted over the years. She's already in a position where Alma might feel closer to her than the other spouses, that could make her a good go between.

She doesn't know what OCD is, and definitely doesn't know the right way to support someone who has it, so she'll probably indulge it a little too much. Instead of questioning why certain things make him anxious and helping him to get past those anxieties, she'll just shrug, respect the fact that they do, and go along with it. This could probably be helpful because she might think of some solutions that reduce the impact that anxiety has on Bruno's life. But he will have fears that seem harmless enough to cater to at first, but slowly snowball into a huge deal.

Leandra will make it her campaign to ensure Bruno has strong emotional connections other than her. She, Agustin, and Felix will take the kids once a month so that Bruno, Julieta, and Pepa can have some triplet time.

Leandra probably smoothed over the wedding thing too, I can't see her not helping Bruno explain what he meant.

She will also be doing everything in her power to keep Bruno's reputation from getting any worse than it is. So, basically, Leandra will be working a full time job maintaining Bruno's relationships for him.

This will mean that he will have more to lose if he loses her. That can't be good for his anxiety. This is one of the fears that starts off harmless but over years snowballs into something mildly debilitating for both of them. Overprotective Bruno turns into "If anything bad happens to my wife, my entire life is over" Bruno, who turns into Emotional Wreck if She Gets so Much as a Paper Cut Bruno.

Leandra learns to rush to Julieta the second she gets the tiniest bruise, because if Bruno sees she got even a little hurt it will ruin his entire week.

Leandra spends her life feeling very loved and supported, but also very aware of the fact that Bruno's mental health is contingent on her never catching a cold. She doesn't dare bring up how this is affecting her emotionally because she kind of gets it. Like, she is putting in all this work just to stop the village from hating him, and it is only sort of working. Of course Bruno is kind of a wreck! It'd be weird if he wasn't affected.

Oooooooh endless cycle. Bruno fears he'll lose everything good in his life if anything bad happens to Leandra, his anxiety stresses Leandra out but she understands there's not much he can do about it, she tries to help him build other healthy relationships so he's less dependent on her, this reinforces that she is the source of good things in his life, and thus reinforces his fear of losing her. The only way to break the cycle is for either Leandra to stop loving Bruno, or somebody reaching out to Bruno without Leandra's prompting/influence.

She bonds with Felix, who deals with something similar, over this. The only people who let Pepa just feel her feelings are the other two triplets and the spouses. And Bruno and Julieta are already dealing with their own problems. When Agustin eventually complains about how overworked his wife is the three spouses start grumbling to each other on a regular basis about the way Alma and the village treat the triplets. Other than their monthly quality time the triplets keep up with each other through their spouses since Felix, Agustin and Leandra have more free time than Pepa, Julieta, and Bruno.

From what we saw in the movie, and based off of things the creators have said, I get the impression that Bruno is the triplet who understands Alma the best. His visions mean he knows how dangerous the world outside Encanto can be better than anyone else raised in the village, and he definitely knows what it's like to be controlled by your anxieties. I imagine that anybody he ends up with, be it my OC or a future canon partner, would have a similar understanding of Alma after a few years of Bruno confiding to them. For that reason, I don't see Leandra coming to resent Alma even when she realizes the woman's trauma is harming the family, she sees her as a kind hearted person who is in pain and sometimes needs to have her energy softly redirected. This is helpful in the short term, but ultimately just prolongs the inevitable.

Where as Mirabel reacts with surprise, hurt, anger, and clear communication when she figures out Alma was the root of the family's problems, Bruno and Leandra react with sympathy and schemes. If they had stopped trying to dance around Alma's trauma and had confronted her with what they'd realized, the cracks could have been healed long ago, instead they put their heads together and try to think of ways to fix things without forcing Alma to confront her grief.

#bruno madrigal #love and fury #bruno madrigal x female oc #bruno madrigal x oc #bruno encanto #encanto #Encanto AU

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degrees-of-fuck · 2 years

Text

She Because of the occasional options to confide in various people, I’m kinda thinking about what my PC, Clara would be willing to share with different people when she needs to talk! Some characters you can’t actually talk to about this stuff potentially added because it feels in character for her to do so

TW for um... DoL, dead dove do not eat - and also for fun mental health talk & Some reference to certain psychotic symptoms, intrusive thoughts & OCD, in case that’s not a thing you’re in a place to read about rn?

Robin

Probably the most open with Robin? Though she is concerned for Robin’s Aura Of Blinding Innocence, so she tends to keep things stuffed up inside for far longer, causing things to explode at somewhat inopportune times

I think the realisation that Clara’s less Strong and Stoic and more just... Skilled at masking and repression is probably one of the main things that contributed to them going from looking up to her to feeling protective of her. like Oh Shit. I’ve known you forever and I was Super Wrong About You. and damn you are good at hiding things things are probably way worse than you’re saying they are!!!

She can probably vent to them about basically anything technically, though she only ever goes how she felt rather than describe details. Even without Harper’s influence, she’s starting to feel that she’s to blame for what happens to her - and she doesn’t want Robin to find out the “truth” about who she is as a person. Plus. Robin is too uh... Soft. If they feel comfortable trying to get by with a lemonade stand, who is Clara to burst their bubble with such painful recollections? Especially now that she’s taken over their debt. It’s easier if they stay relatively oblivious.

She probably vents to them about Avery, now that she’s figured out how messed up they are. Robin never seemed to trust them, anyway. It probably isn’t a good idea to build up Robin’s negative feelings toward them too much, but... They’re the obvious person to talk to. They’re already on the same page about the businessperson being a massive creep.

Bailey and conditions in the orphanage, naturally. This is less venting and more them complaining together though, usually. (On the flipside - when Clara managed to save up enough for the kitchen and later the lab in the loft, it was probably the happiest Robin had seen her in a W H I L E)

Sydney

The basics of her... Unfortunate situations with Avery and Eden probably had to be shared. How the fuck do you go about hiding having a sugar mommy/daddy that assaults you in an alley if you reject them or having to play spouse for a terrifying forest weirdo once a week from your actual partner???

She probably kept it vague at first when Sydney was still too pure to handle the full story (or at least as full as they’re ever gonna get) - better to do it slowly than all at once, Clara thinks. Initially she just said there are certain people that, much like Kylar, she has to keep happy with her. At this point, now that she’s talked about Bailey at the cafe’s grand re-opening, she’s probably told her that Bailey basically sold her to Eden and that everything she’s done with them was to get them to trust her enough to let her go back to town! (And see Sydney!!) - and that Avery was a benefactor that she’d tried to stop going out with, only for things to turn real sour. She tries to keep her descriptions of her encounters with them as vague as she can so as not to make Sydney worry. It doesn’t work.

She doesn’t exactly vent about those, though - unless prompted to. Again, the less Sydney knows about the danger she’s actually in day to day, the better in Clara’s eyes. That’s why she doesn’t tell her about the randoms that attack her in the streets near constantly.

I think she’d be more likely to discuss her mental health with Sydney? After picking up on her low opinion of Harper (and I doubt Clara trusts them herself after seeing them at the farm so much) she feels safer talking to Sydney about panic attacks, intrusive thoughts, hallucinations and her compulsions. She seems like the only one that won’t just tell her to see a doctor about it.

She might also vent to them about the bullying sometimes, as with the school at large’s low opinion of her, you’d be hardpressed to NOT be aware of that. Yesterday she got locked into a tank full of bugs : / She does however downplay the FUCK out of this. For instance, she won’t mention that the bugs were also rapists for some reason.

Doren

Clara can’t exactly be picky about what’s on her mind when she gets a chance to properly talk to Doren. One highly specific hour a day and all. I think she mostly talks about the abuse from total strangers to them though, on account of that being the main thing that initially caught Doren’s attention, indirectly.

It mostly just goes as far as whatever literally just happened as far as venting goes, with certain exceptions.

Because the incident that lead to this arrangement of Clara visiting Doren’s apartment so much was caused by the insistent worthlessness of the police, she probably feels most comfortable talking about situations where the obvious unhelpful answer is to tell the bobbies about it with Doren than with anyone else. Kinda similar basically to her talking about her mental health to someone that knows Harper’s not an option.

I think she’s more likely to discuss her complicated feelings regarding Kylar with Doren than anyone else. Kylar’s in their class with her, after all. They sit together every day, ever since the knife incident. Doren already seems to have gotten a weird feeling about their dynamic, so Clara doesn’t feel too weird talking about that in more detail. She doesn’t tell them about the times they’ve threatened her into sex, though. That would make class too weird. I think she’s told them about the stalking - and how she feels a disgusting combination of safe and violated as a result of it, though.

As a sidenote, I think Doren has probably witnessed a lot of Clara’s rituals she needs to feel safe alone with someone in their apartment. Probably not sure of how to help with that, though. If anything, I can kinda picture them accidentally reinforcing her dependence on them somewhat, if it’s what she needs to feel more comfortable.

Kylar

As much as Clara fears Kylar, there is a certain... Security to be found in her dealings with them. They’re impossible to sway. It seems like nothing she does or says could ever convince them she’s not only worth loving, but somehow the most wonderful being to grace the planet. It feels gross and uncomfortable to hear, particularly with how much she hates herself, but at the very least, she can talk to Kylar about how she feels like a terrible person and about her worse intrusive thoughts without fear. If it does somehow turn them off, then that just means she’s free. Win win.

Kylar’s willingness to tranquilize randoms and give her pepper spray are some of the reasons she feels sort of safer thanks to them, so I think she will vent about the street harassment to them. She won’t be vulnerable about it though. It feels a bit cathartic to do it with distance anyway, so it’s better! I think she twists details and generally just act a whole lot while she talks about it - less out of a desire to deceive them and more because it just feels better that way. She doesn’t feel at all comfortable actually talking about trauma with them normally, but it’s useful to do in that it makes them more inclined to keep her Safe.

I think she sometimes passive aggressively laments her feelings of helplessness and how people keep forcing her into relationships she isn’t comfortable with. They don’t get it. If anything, probably assume this applies to Sydney? Somehow??? Easier than admitting Clara just loves somebody else.

Keeps her money anxiety to herself. The last thing she wants is another thing to rely on Kylar for. She’s pretty sure allowing herself to become dependent on the creep would make them cum on the spot as soon as they realize it and she doesn’t really want to see that. Yuck. (PLUS SCARY)

Sidenote but Kylar is probably the WORST person for her to go to with feelings of paranoia or particularly scary obsessions regarding other people. they can both make each other So much worse rn

Avery

Clara is obviously not emotionally available with Avery. Why would she be? Her job is to be arm candy and to try not to enrage them. I think most of their interactions consist of at least one layer of mutual manipulation. Clara thinks it best if Avery thinks her a dumb little orphan that can’t see a good thing when she has it, though.

However, if it’s all SERIOUSLY coming on top of her, to the point where she was considering hiding in her room all day to avoid the risk of being asked out at all, she can be prompted to vent when Avery asks about how school is going.

She doesn’t go into details aside from that though - so I think she only discusses her issues with her classmates. Besides, what about being bullied can Avery hold over her? As cruel as the people at her school can be, it’s far from the worst thing to happen to her.

She downplays it of course. She doesn’t want Avery knowing too much about her actual feelings. The thought of that creep worrying about her is even worse. So holding back a breakdown, she’ll play it off as no big deal.

Based on the drink Avery gives her when she does this, her attempts at making it sound like normal harmless bullying are consistently unsuccessful, with even the censored version managing to be startling. Goodness knows why, but she has to admit that as anxious as she feels upon waking from her stupor with Avery of all people, whatever it is does make her feel better somehow. She’s starting to think she ought to ask what it is and where she can find it sometime.

Darryl

I don’t think Clara says much to Darryl about her own experiences - not in a venting sense, anyway. They’re clearly dealing with a mountain of their own stuff, after all... Clara is too, but she’d feel bad making any conversations about her.

Still, I think it does come up sometimes, more in the sense of trying to relate? I think she’s weirdly able to take a more healthy approach to her experiences when she’s able to distance herself by making it about helping someone else.

She’s probably mentioned Leighton’s behaviour at least once. The look on Darryl’s face when that happened was enough to completely shut Clara up regarding the headteacher for the time being. I’m not sure Either One of them really knows how to deal with that.

Especially recently with her particularly terrifying dancing job at a certain manor, I think Clara occasionally lapses into talking about some of her experiences in shows gone wrong and of her scarier close calls while expressing her appreciation for Darryl’s dedication to security and the dancers’ safety at their own place.

Eden

Now that she mostly seems to be in Eden’s good books, while unable to forget some of the more frightening things they’ve done (the fucking cage thing for instance) Clara is presently more scared of her own growing comfort with them than of Eden themselves. This is one reason why she is incredibly reluctant to discuss her feelings with them in any sense.

She’s acting. She is not their happy little wife. She’s just trying to survive. This is very important for her to remember, especially during especially nice moments.

She particularly avoids the topic of Bailey. Eden had basically bought her from her caretaker to begin with, after all. She doesn’t know their relationship, but her hopes of Eden taking her side are slim.

The main thing I think Clara’s willing to express vulnerability about is her experiences at Remy’s farm. Eden’s saved her from the place twice now - it seems natural. Sure, Robin knows and asked, but the look on their face whenever she lets a moo slip or when they catch her putting a handful of tasty grass into her mouth is kind of too much. Plus, it’s much easier to think of the nice parts of the farm when she’s in the orphanage, stuck in town and paying Bailey every week, what’s there to vent about? Eden however... She finds herself thinking about it that much more when she visits them.

Plus. It reminds them of the times they saved her. As much as seems to make them more angry about it every time she recalls what Remy put her through, they do seem to enjoy the feeling of protecting her - keeping her safe from those sick fucks. Whatever makes them happy.

The other thing she’ll vent to them about is the Ivory Wraith. Only to a certain extent. She won’t tell them a thing about the total violation she experienced at its... Hand? Doesn’t particularly want to know how Eden would react to That.

But still. She goes to their cabin at the end of every month to wait out each blood moon in sleepless safety. She feels safer around all these firearms, for starters. Plus, the noise of a possessed Clara shambling about would wake someone with instincts like Eden’s right? Apparently the Wraith must feel similarly, as it doesn’t bother her there anyway.

While she doesn’t go too much into the spooky details - and even less into the stuff she suspects is just her own mind playing tricks on her, this is another situation where she feels like allowing herself to vent about this one thing because it seems to make Eden feel good to know that she’s going to them for safety from something she feels this threatened by.

She’s not sure if Eden actually believes her, but she doesn’t care either. They don’t seem likely to tell her to see a doctor about it at least - and regardless, the point that she regrettably feels better with them remains.

They’ve probably seen her have some nasty panic attacks. No fucking clue what to do, though. As long it’s not about them or her position with them, they seem fairly likely to just kinda.... Let her do her thing, as long as she doesn’t do anything dangerous. Appreciates that she tries to do it quietly.

#Degrees of Lewdity #Clara (DoL PC)#Robin the Orphan #Sydney the Faithful #Sydney the Fallen #Doren the English Teacher #Kylar the Loner #Avery the Businessperson #Darryl the Club Owner #Eden the Hunter

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winderlylandchime · 1 year

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Don’t Call It a Comeback (or, On Health and Happiness)

I’m sitting at my desk in my home office surrounded by my two dogs and one of my two cats. It’s a rare rainy day in Los Angeles and, while it might seem contraindicated, the change in weather from warm and sunny is great for my mood. I have strong coffee and a bubbly water within arm’s reach. I’m wearing a t-shirt and blazer, jeans, house shoes, and my hair is brushed and my make-up in on. This is relevant. I have my first appointment of the day in a half hour. I’m back on tumblr, albeit with a new name.

I last posted to tumblr more than a year ago... actually just under exactly 18 months ago. I had to leave. I didn’t want to delete my tumblr because I had put time and effort into curating this stupid little blog. I made friends here. Many of us have drifted. That’s on me.

Depression steals so much. The fandom I was a part of imploded and I became obsessive around it. Obsession is something I have come to learn is a bright red flag my depression waves. Obsession is also not the right word, compulsive captures some of it but I’m also wary of these words and the very specific medical meanings they carry. I do not have OCD, I have depression. A constant gray companion that sunk me into a cloud of nothing, a hazy dream world of monotony and an endless seeking for that next dopamine hit from the next social media post that fills that exact craving I’m compulsively looking for. I spent my days sleeping until just before my first appointment of the day, I would throw on a reasonably professional top, pull my hair up, and face the screen. I would resume scrolling in the in-between times... life became small. Tumblr got changed over to Instagram for my endless scrolling. I gained weight (this is not a moral judgment on weight gain or loss but the fact is that I gained weight, I stopped fitting into my clothes, we live in a society colored deeply by fatphobia and diet culture, it was hard). I lost myself. I did the bare minimum of work. None of it felt good. I woke up every day asking myself, “in what ways will I disappoint myself today?”

It felt ridiculous that someone in her 40s and who is a mental health profession could struggle so much. And yet, here we were.

Recovery started where so many things start, with the people. No one knew how deeply depressed I was. Not even my sweet spouse. But the people helped nonetheless. My spouse listened as I confided how much I had been struggling. My friends just persisted. I got closer to people I had been less acquainted with. I threw myself into a course related to both my profession and to my personal work to heal. I met people through there.

I started taking walks. At first I walked to my favorite tea shop and got milk tea and chocolate croissants every day. Then I started doing a loop around my neighborhood. The loop became two miles. I returned to practicing yoga weekly at my beloved gym. Occasionally, I lifted a weight or two. Very occasionally.

I became infuriated when walking worked. Like so very angry. The stupid thing about getting outside and seeing the sun and moving my body actually worked.

I have tried to spend less time on social media and see it as a dark mistress that tempts me away from my first, true love: reading.

There have been hiccups, of course. I got covid and had some significant symptoms. My apartment flooded... twice. I am still dealing with those repairs. My mother is in her 80s and the pandemic has not been kind to her.... a stroke, hearing loss (which is correlated with cognitive decline). I’m an only child and I live across the US from her and my dad. It is not easy to witness from afar. Anything that throws off my routine has the potential to start a slip back into depression. I’m still working on getting back to my routine of walking, meditating, and doing some spiritual practice/journaling after a bad cold. My body is still larger than it was.

There has been help from acupuncture and microdosing.

I remain a work in progress. Because I am alive. But I am doing better. Now. For now. I wanted to return to tumblr because it has brought me joy. I hope to engage here in a different way than before. I’m not active in any fandoms currently and how to be a little more distant. I hope to return to the joy of fandom but I don’t choose them, they choose me.

So I’m back. But, you know, don’t call it a comeback.

#personal #on depression and recovery #depression #recovery #i just wrote this so forgive the lack of editing #winderlylandchime

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chickensarentcheap · 1 year

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OTP Asks

3, 4, 6, 8, 11, 12, 16, 17, 21, 22, 27, 32, 39

3. What’s one book/DVD/CD they both owned a copy of before meeting each other?

Both own every album (in vinyl) Led Zeppelin has ever made

4. Do they wash their clothes in the same load or separately?

Together

6. Who picks what colour bed linen they buy? What does it look like?

Esme. She's a colour person so it's always bright stuff, patterns, stripes, etc etc etc. He doesn't care. Buy what you want, he says .

8. Who’s more likely to buy something that’s not on the shopping list?

Esme. Especially if she's shopping at Target LOL

11. Do they play music in the background while they’re just hanging out at home?

Sometimes. But usually when they're just hanging out at home, they're outside. Unless the weather is shit.

12. Does either partner have an allergy? How does their spouse help keep them safe?

Esme has a bee sting allergy and has to carry an epi pen. He'll always have an extra one in the car/truck or in his backpack if they're out hiking. Just in case. And they get their property sprayed on a regular basis.

16. Who’s more likely to go over-the-top with decorating for holidays?

Esme. Especially at Christmas. They spent it in NYC at their brownstone, and she goes all out. Lights and garland outside, wreaths on the door. There's over a half dozen Christmas trees in their home. Including in their bedroom.

17. What’s one song/movie one person loves that the other person can’t stand?

Esme loves Love Yourself by Justin Bieber and Tyler says 'that sh*t makes my ears bleed' lol

21. Do both partners buy any personal items (sanitary items/contraception etc), or is it one specific person's job?

They both do. He has no qualms about being menstrual products for her and when they did use protection (in between Declan and Addie), both would buy it.

22. Which partner is the one that forgets to hang up their towel?

Tyler

27. How do they organise their books/DVDs/CDs? Are they kept separate, or together? Alphabetically? By genre?

While all genres are together, things have to be in alphabetical order. And that's Tyler's OCD needing that. He'll even organize her reading nook books lol

32. How do they decide which photos are on display?

They pick them together. Although he does have ones he specifically chose himself that hang in his office.

39. Who’s more likely to lock themselves out?

Tyler LOL. He did once in the third story but it was because he was drunk and couldn't get the key in the lock at two in the morning and then accused Esme (who had to come downstairs to let him in ) of hiring a locksmith and changing the locks while he was out.

@secretaryunpaid, @tragiclyhip, @youflickedtooharddamnit

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nightinghoul · 1 year

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An issue in OCD groups is people who don't have OCD (I hesitate to say neurotypicals, since I don't know them, and there's not a good noun for people who do or do not have OCD... ANYWAY, lets start over...)

The issue with being in an online OCD support group is that non-OCD-people will show up and ask us to EXPLAIN ourselves. They'll either have a complaint about their super annoying, horrible spouse/family member who has OCD, and how to make them stop. Or they'll ask is to explain our rituals, or explain why we do irrational things. Or they'll give us horrible suggestions and leave us to explain why it doesn't work that way.

That's a lot of mental labor for people who are already struggling with their own brains. And a support group is supposed to be a safe space. In this particular space, we know how OCD works, and we work together with an abundance of unspoken knowledge and understanding. We don't owe it to outsiders to explain ourselves.

If you want to know about OCD, read a book about it. Google it. Check out the Wikipedia entry (I'm sure there's one of those.) Don't waltz into a support group with a bunch of questions, like a toddler erupting in an endless stream of "why why why???" to their exhausted mother. It's rude!

Also, if you want to know a little about life with OCD, I tag my OCD entries, but I'm not taking questions. 🤷

#ocd #ocd awareness #actually ocd #mental health #mental illness

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kuuyandere · 1 year

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Wanting to stalk/kidnap/kill your beloved is a normal 'young love' thing?

Obviously wanting these 3 things is not normal. Because if someone 'says' this, it should ideally BE taken seriously❗ So yes I'm all for NOT ignoring this.

But still, in your case, I'm considering 8 things:-

Hormonal effect: everyone's feeling extremes during this time, now if u r someone aware of the world, obviously your extreme isn't going to be drawing a moustace on her face while she's sleeping, realistically, it's going to be smth like that only. I think this point is rightfully suppressed in the society to keep the kids on their best. But still, it's smth very much there, cuz this transition is usually tough n almost everyone's being stupid.

Mind & reality: technology- blurring of the line bw the outside n the inside (mind) world [Just as how brain can't differentiate bw fantasies & past. It just stores it in the memory] blog being an extension of the mind , anons as just diff 'voices' in the 'head', I say this cuz I've myself gone to similar experiences. I've 2-3x done things over a period of time, anonymously, it gives us the best sense of freedom so we end up doing things we wouldn't normally say/do. Like seriously I'd never ever do that shit, in reality, with all of my senses & my 'name'. And now, "which one is the 'real' me" is smth which can be argued.. But still I like to think the latter w the belief that the line should never be blurred bw the outside n the inside. Like eg, I'd just simply walk off the topic (offline) or refrain from msging this long (online), if I wasn't anonymous.

Mind-Coping mechanism/comfort zone: your mind is supposed to be the ONLY place in the world, free of judgements & w full freedom. Think of the freakiest or the kinkiest shit u come up with.. But, it should all stay in the head only.

Transition to adulthood: All these new '-ve' extreme emotions, I like to call them 'adulthood'.. ½ or ⅓rd of the married couples do wish death upon their spouses on certain events, but they don't actually… Similarly, we do wish for the absolute worst shit sometimes for the person we envy/dislike.. But doesn't mean we won't realise/control our emotions n ultimately end up treating the innocent person as crap.

Emotions x logic/perfection: easier to judge others thru a 3rd person's pov, but not ourselves, don't expect yourself to be 'likeable', 'logical' or perfect when u are really feeling stuff.. Just try your best to control it, n forgive if u can't.. And move on w life. You're not supposed to dwell on stuff.

Normalising of souvenirs: no. of souvenirs/'shrines'/memories we keep actively + how much we interact w them… is directly proportional to.. the effect it has on us. You don't think about the food u ate last month, unless u start maintaining a food log, n condition yourself over it.. I've literally bent my entire social life acc to this, cuz I don't wanna dwell on stuff. You invite the guilt n precursors to further emotions.

First love: first time feeling stuff, it being the START to your love life, nothing to compare, blah blah blah, u dvp your.. How should I put this.. 'mate' value thru your 1st love, 1st loves are supposed to be memorable

Emotions=helplessness & forgiveness: you felt too strong, for too long, it wasn't reciprocated, so.. Obviously, the bitterness. I mean seriously, you're just WANTING to kill/kidnap her in your headspace.

So yeah i do think YOU are fine for JUST WANTING to kill/kidnap/stalk your girl.

🌬..

I see your point, I admire your dedication in writing all this out. I don't think that everyone's situation (or possibly mine) can completely be attributed to these natural factors, especially seeing how conditions like obsessive love disorder (O.L.D.) and relationship OCD exist, but this does provide a good reference to possible causes. Normalcy is something of a sliding scale, isn't it.

#your yandere #aidoneus asks #🌬️ anon #Yes... “just wanting”... I have never stalked my darling in real life before among other things...

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magnetothemagnificent · 2 years

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12, 16, 26, 35!!

12. What is your favorite piece of Judaica?

Hmm, I know this might not be considered "Judaica", but my copy of "Ma Nishtana in 300 languages". I started a tradition in my family years ago that every Seder we say Ma Nishtana in as many languages as we can before people get pissed off and want us to move on already so we can eat XD

I especially love that the book includes "dead" languages and endangered languages, and the author really put in a ton of time in documenting these languages and getting Ma Nishtana translated into them. I feel like this truly embodies the spirit of Seder. We start by saying H'e Lachma Anya, which is in Aramaic, a tradition that began as a way for Jews to signal that all are welcome to join in, even if they don't speak Hebrew. And now my family flips through "Ma Nishtana in 300 languages" and I think we really accomplish that goal.

16. Do you have any Jewish superstitions?

Oooh so many. I'm autistic, bipolar, and have OCD, so obsessions and irrational beliefs are very much....something I deal with. Sometimes it's hard to separate what beliefs are my genuine spiritual beliefs and what are my delusions or obsessions acting up. But anyway, here are some of mine:

-Ayin Hara: I am verrryyy superstitious when it comes to Ayin Hara. I get very anxious when people talk too positively about something, or joke about bad things or death happening to someone or something I care about. I get very upset and yell at them to say "Bli Ayin Hara" and spit.

-Spirits: This is one that's very hard for me to separate from actual delusions, but I really do believe in spirits, good or bad. Sometimes I can "feel" that a house or place is particularly prone to spirits, and sometimes I talk to them. In Judaism, spirits aren't necessarily a bad thing, just a part of life.

-Birds: This one isn't necessarily Jewish, but it's very tied to my Jewish identity and beliefs. Basically, my mom's side of the family has the belief that loved ones come back in the form of birds. I really love birds, and have a pet bird myself, and sometimes it really does seem that that cardinal that was perched outside our window was my Granny. Also, reincarnation and soul-cycling is very much something that comes up in Jewish culture and traditions. Of course there's the obvious "Righteous people get reincarnated as fish".

-Spiders: My dad's side of the family claims lineage from the Davidic Dynasty, and it's said that a spider once saved King David's life. So, that's why, I and my family try very hard to not kill spiders, and to try and protect them, because if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be here.

-Charms and amulets: I make jewelry, continuing a very long Jewish tradition, and as such I also make charms and amulets for myself. Some of mine include:

*A scrap of leftover fabric from the fabric that was used to make my family's synagogue's Torah Scroll "jacket". I rolled up this fabric and secured it with wire, and wear it on a necklace. It's said that the leftover fabric from the Torah Scroll "jacket"'s fabric provides protection for those who carry it, just as the Torah Scroll's "jacket" protects it from the elements.

*A Magen David with blue beads, since blue protects from Ayin Hara.

*A khamsa made with metal

*A snake made with copper wire for healing

*Coral beads

*A wire charm shaped like a doorway and wrapped with red thread, to evoke how the Jews painted their doorways with lamb blood in Egypt to protect our houses from the Angel of Death.

-There are just a ton more, I'm a very spiritual person, but y'know, let's get on to the other questions XD

26. Do you have any family or local Havdalah traditions?

-All the kids in my family (when we're all at home) that are over the age of Bar/Bat Mitzvah read additional passages with my parents.

-I'm sure a lot of families have this, but raising the Havdalah candle (if you're the one holding it) as high as you want your future spouse to be

35. What (activity, text, practice, etc.) makes you feel connected to Jewishness and the Jewish community?

Oh goodness, so many things. I think just existing as a proud Jew and being one with myself and my identity sums it about up.

Thanks for the ask!

#Judaism #jumblr ask meme #jewish spirituality #ask meme

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runekeepershymnal · 1 year

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Physical aspects of a dream life that is probably (certainly) not practically possible under capitalism without winning the lottery (either birth or the kind with the little pieces of paper) but which are not outside the realms of physics / current technology:

A house with an ADA fully accessible outbuilding with a bathroom, also ADA and fully accessible, with several UV enhanced air filter running. (My partner has OCD and a pretty significant fear of germs/contaminants)

Several functioning, self-cleaning litterboxes (who likes cleaning the litterbox?)

A house big enough for my partner and I to both have an office and a bedroom (we can’t share a bed due to my RLS, we keep different hours, he is an extremely light sleeper)

Ideally, a garage or shed for stinky crafts (gotta keep it ventilated)

A kitchen with counters big enough for a mixer and a multi-cooker to be on it at the same time (my joints are getting worse as I age and both are pretty heavy)

A greenhouse or sunroom (I would love to grow more of our own food, and while my spouse has light sensitivity issues, the cats love it, and I need to bask every now and then)

Enough space for raised garden beds (more growing some of own food)

Excellent, reliable wifi and power, preferably with some solar (we both telecommute and spend a lot of time communicating with friends far away)

Quiet, with trees, preferably set far enough away from neighbors so that we don’t have to hear each other (my spouse has misophonia)

A stream, a creek, a pond, a lake. Some body of water (we’ve had it before at rentals and apartments, and listening to spring peepers is a joy)

Good insurance (pet insurance, too - just another capitalist dystopia necessity when you’re disabled / crazy [I will describe myself however I want, fuck off], or just straight up mortal and human and capable of catching diseases)

Within a reasonable drive to either a city where I can actually work or a train station where I can do the same (I want to do something in academia or libraries or archives or museums or theater or a non-profit that actually helps people, or or or…)

Friends with either no or grown children, or access to childcare (we are not great with small kids, our pets are not good with kids, but we love our friends and family who do have kids)

A setup in the outbuilding where there can be video conferencing so that we can play RPGs either in person or with friends who can’t be there due to distance or disability - (we definitely get it on the disability side)

Enough money to pay our bills and set enough aside for an emergency (dreams should not include emergencies, but life is life and a contingency is a contingency)

Wardrobes large enough to embrace and explore the aesthetic side of our gender fuckery

Legal weed to help with chronic pain / anxiety issues

A way to protect ourselves and people we care about if things really go to shit

I’m privileged to have what we have. To be able to make rent, to not have bombs dropping on us, to be able to get access to some, if not all, of the healthcare I need most of the time. (Please don’t think that I’m ungrateful for what I’ve got, or that I’m not aware that there are people who aren’t even getting those basic needs met.) But despite all that, we are kind of isolated due to my spouse’s disabilities.

We’re coming to figure out some of our stuff later in life. He’s got one rare condition for which there isn’t currently any treatment, and that condition make it really difficult to go out and get treatment for the other ones. It makes it difficult and painful to go out or be away from our apartment most of the time. It wouldn’t be fair to ask other people to come to us all the time, especially if their disabilities and needs also limit where they can go and for how long, but having a place that was actually ours would make it easier for us to make it easier on them.

The more isolated we get, the harder it seems to be to break the cycle. So… I just wanted to write out the dream life that might make it better, or more possible, to break it.

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ladybirdplace · 3 months

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Self Care & An Apology

(Content warning: Discussion of mental illness, mentions of self harm and poor eating habits)

So . . . I think maybe I should revise something that I’ve said before that is inaccurate and, in retrospect, wishy washy.

I’ve said before in the past that I think of the regular things we do for ourselves to continue to live, like eating and drinking and sleeping and dressing one’s self, qualify in my mind as passive acts of self love.

But I realize that that leaves a concerning question.

What about the people who can’t do those things? Can't dress themselves or feed themselves or bathe themselves? Is that a sign of a lack of self love?

Short answer: No, not all. Uh, actually, scratch that thing I said before.

Long answer:

So, I've been thinking a lot about my ideas about self love and self care, as I always do. And, during my time in crisis, I’ve noticed that I feel a lot of guilt about my own struggles with taking care of myself physically.

Sometimes this is due to chronic fatigue and sometimes it is due to my PDA not liking the expectation, or my OCD indecision.

And I’ve found that I feel like a bad spouse when, for instance, I am unable to eat because I cannot decide what I want or my autism refuses to have me eat something I don't like or if I’m too tired to get up and eat.

And this guilt gets a lot in the way of me having a good relationship with myself.

When I was in a much healthier frame of mind, but still having doubts about how well I treat myself, it helped me to think of my acts of self care, the ones that most people (able bodied and mentally well people) do automatically, as proof that I really loved myself. And it helped to think of these acts that we do as akin to the way we do acts of service for a partner. It made it feel more romantic.

However, in my times when I’ve been very insecure, my lack of self care made me feel as if I just didn’t love myself enough, and of course, that only made me more insecure.

I’ve experienced this sort of thing before in therapy. I’ve had therapists or even friends interpret my inability to do certain 'normal' tasks as a form of a lack of self love. Or even my occasional self harm as an act of self hatred, when really these are due to my disability and has little to do with my self image.

I think that I’ve been viewing these acts and tasks all wrong. I do not think that my 'failure' to complete these tasks adequately everyday is a sign that I lack affection and concern for myself. I simply think they are things that I cannot always reasonably do, and that assertion of significance to something I have no control over is actually really harmful!

See . . . For more than a decade, I’ve been in therapy. I’ve been seeing psychiatrists and psychologists and many, many other mental health practitioners all these years since I was a child.

Looking back, I see that this whole time, I’ve been being guilt tripped for being ill.

I’ve been presented with all these different rules that are supposed to work for everyone to improve one's mental health. All the old axioms: Think positively, counteract your negative thoughts, visualize success, socialize, live a healthy lifestyle, take deep breaths, blah blah blah.

All through these years, all the advice I’ve received essentially has boiled down to this concept that if you do all these things, you will get better. And if you do not get better, that means you are doing them wrong. That means that you don’t want to get better. That means that you are a bad patient, and a waste of everyone’s time because you are refusing treatment. And that means, you do not deserve treatment.

My last psychiatrist told me that she thought that I was too attached to being ill. She thought that I didn’t know who I was without being miserable, and that I was refusing to be helped because I didn’t want help. There was nothing I could say to convince her otherwise. She had only known me for a year. And her assertions, I feel, have epitomized my entire experience of having mental health services of all types, even moreso because of how little she understood about me.

Now, I’ve been put through hell because of my mind, and I do not want to live the way I have been. So of course I’ve been desperate to get better. I’ve been working tirelessly to achieve this goal ever since I got sick. It has been a deep rooted obsession for me for many years.

I am terrified of allowing myself to get worse. I am terrified that I am not doing enough for myself to get better, that I am just not trying hard enough. Everything I do is never enough. I do not want to spend a single second more as sick as I am.

Fueled by all my therapists, psychiatrists and social workers, my OCD is like a monstrous amalgamation of all those bad faith interpretations and cruel narratives. I demand more effort from myself than anyone else ever could. If those standards were incredibly steep before, they are impossible to satisfy in my own mind.

Usually OCD obsessions aren’t really life or death, but I find in this case, it is very close. Because I’ve experienced just how bad it can get, how rock bottom is never really the bottom, just how much mental anguish my own brain can cause me, getting better is everything to me. It is the most important part of my life, and it has never stopped being my top priority.

So I torment myself about getting better.

Subsequently, I have also found that when I have days that I am so fed up with the constant demand I make of myself to always be working towards becoming more mentally healthy and more well functioning, and more stable every second of every day that I just give up and stop caring, that is when I feel most relief and connection to myself.

Even though it may seem sick, (and maybe it is) when I let go and allow myself to just be ill, think bad thoughts, stay in bed all day doing nothing, get bitter about everyone in my life who has ever hurt me, grieve the person I never became, despair over the things I can never have, catastrophize, isolate myself, I RELISH in it. And I love that it isn’t what other people want and expect me to do.

Because it is my choice. And it is real and honest. And I am a person, not just a patient. A person, not an ungrateful failure, not a manipulative dramaqueen. A real person.

Even when I’m being self deprecating, there is such a freedom for me to actually think what I think without suppressing it, arguing with it, reasoning it away. Even when I’m thinking badly about myself, I love myself more during those moments than I do when I’m forcing myself to be positive, and gentle, and stable, and confident. Fuck that shit.

Maybe that whole story really doesn’t have much to do with me saying that self care is passive self love, but I think it was necessary to illustrate what I mean.

Obviously, there are are people who are disabled who cannot do self care tasks that most able-bodied, mentally well people would call basic, because of any disability, physical or mental. And that does not indicate a lack of self love, or a presence of self hate.

Those statements I made were more about how I thought of my own self relationship at the time, and aren’t some universal truth, and I know that I said it in a way that made it seem like it was fact.

I do still think that that way of looking at things could be helpful for some people who doubt their own self love. But I’ve certainly learned that it is not an absolute truth, just a perspective.

I'm sorry if those comments I made offended anyone, or made them feel bad. I know that they made me feel bad in the long run, because they were a reflection of the way I’ve been taught to think about self care.

#ladybird speaks #self care #ocd

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