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samlovesradiohead · 25 days

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false idols - ch. 2

lucifer x f!reader

cw: slow burn, drug + alcohol usage, lowkey enemies to lovers, more to be added

wc: 2.3k

a/n: rip charlie you wouldve loved taylor swift, lululemon, and stanley cups. charlie would love the clean girl aesthetic. (btw, i get a lot of my inspo from taylor swift and phoebe bridgers i love them so much) I REALLY HATE THIS CHAPTER NEXT ONE WILL BE BETTER TRUST ME. im winging this whole story

thinking about making a playlist for this fic. anyway heres the song i been listening to on repeat while writing this: the albatross - taylor swift (the tortured poets department - the anthology)

“Why didn’t you tell me you were famous?! That is so cool!!!” Charlie bursts in your room, startling you so much that you almost fall off your bed. It was after dinner, and you had announced to the group you were turning in for the night. You were in the middle of watching hell’s equivalent to trashy reality TV, and it was pretty entertaining.

“Sorry for scaring you, I’m just really excited at the news!”

“Who told you?” You ask, but you already have an idea. And when she replies with Angel’s name, you internally high-five yourself for guessing correctly. You adjust yourself to sit upright at the edge of the bed to face Charlie. “I figured. I was just answering his questions while having a drink with him and Husk at the bar.”

You can see Charlie practically vibrating in excitement at this new revelation. “What kind of songs did you sing? What genre? How many fans did you have? Did-” Charlie is abruptly interrupted by you.

“One question at a time, girl!” You give a light chuckle at Charlie’s embarrassment, a light pink flush decorating her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, you’d think as the princess of hell I’d be accustomed to people with status, but it’s different! The ones I know are just old, stuck-up royals. I’ve never met a famous singer before.” Charlie giddily explains, hands clasped together.

“It’s fine. I’ve seen way worse reactions when people meet me. I used to be a popstar. I’d say I was…” you didn’t want to seem like an asshole bragging about how many fans you had, “decently famous. Of course, there are always people who had to catastrophize the things I did, so, my career did have its fair share of scandals.” You make the assumption that she would also like to know how you died, so you tell her. “Now I’m here because I got poisoned at a party.”

You still think your death was not how it should’ve been. But you can’t do anything to change it now. Young starlets died all the time. You weren’t special. Honestly, you thought you’d be a bit sadder about dying. But with death came an escape from the chains of your previous life, and for that you are grateful.

An exasperated expression paints her face as you nonchalantly let her know how you wound up in hell. “That’s a horrible way to go, I’m sorry you went through that. At least you’re here now!”

You sigh. “It’s alright. I was being stupid, kinda deserved it. It’s whatever now. I’m glad you guys were the first people I found. I don’t wanna imagine what could have happened to me if I stayed out in the streets. Thank you, Charlie, seriously.”

“I just want to help my people. It’s no big deal.”

You smile at that. Charlie, the ever-saintly hellborn.

She sparks up. “I know it's your first day, and I’m not sure how much the others have told you, but sometimes, especially powerful sinners gain powers relating to how they lived or died. I figured since you were quite reputable on earth, you’d have powers that coincided with your singing, kind of like my mom. We don’t have to test that out right now, but I was just letting you know!”

Woah. “Really? Hmm, I might test it out later.” A part of you hopes that you do indeed have powers. Maybe you could scream at supersonic levels and make people’s ears explode.

“Okay, next question! Do you think… how do I word this… do you think some of your fans are down here?” Huh. You actually never considered that. Your career spans from your late teens to 27 years old (since that’s the age you died at). There’s no way some fans haven’t died throughout that span. You ponder her question for a second.

“More than likely. I wouldn’t be surprised.”

Charlie’s eyes light up. You can already tell she has something planned. “I have the most fantastic idea ever involving you but I don’t want to push you out of your comfort zone this early into your stay here, but what if we orchestrated a mini-concert, with you singing of course! Sinners and your fans that are down here can come enjoy your music and learn about the hotel, maybe they’ll take a chance on redemption!”

You gotta hand it to Charlie: she really wants to help sinners. Her explanation earlier was evidence enough, but her pure dedication is admirable. As for you, you’re not sure redemption is possible, as there hasn’t been proof of it. You’re not even sure if you want to go to heaven. For now, you’ll help Charlie with her dream while trying to figure out what you want. It’s the least you could do, as she is letting you basically free-load off of her.

Her idea didn’t really deter you, anyway. You performed at packed stadiums plenty of times, a simple concert isn’t that bad. A tiny part of you is excited to visit the echoes of your former glory. Is that selfish, to want to restore what once was?

“That sounds cool. I’m down. But, uhhh, where and how will we make that happen?” The logistics of the situation hit you mid-agreement. Seriously, how?

Charlie laughs, “I’ll ask my dad, Lucifer. He can basically make anything at the snap of his fingers. Ooh, by the way, I’m going to call him up tomorrow. He may or may not swing by and visit.”

You stand up immediately at that. “Lucifer?! Like the Devil from the Bible!??!” Why did it not hit you till now? You figured her dad was some king or whatever, but you didn’t expect her dad to be THE king of hell. The church raised you on the scariest iterations of Lucifer, so you only expect the worst. What if he incinerates you for looking at him wrong?!

She chuckles at your reaction. “He is nothing like what humans are taught. He’s a real sweet guy, albeit a little… distant. I promise, he won’t kill you a second time, unless you do something really bad. But I doubt you will!”

Her assuring words offer some comfort to your original antsiness. Still, it’ll be your second day tomorrow and you’re already (possibly) meeting the king of hell. “That’s … refreshing to know.”

“It’ll be alright.” Charlie reassures you, assuring herself as well in the process. “Anyway, I’ll leave you alone for the night. Vaggie and I’s suite is just down the hall, knock if you need anything.” She back steps towards the door, swinging it open. “Goodnight!” she says before closing your door. You repeat the pleasantry. The door clicks, signaling its closure.

Sleep came quite quickly after the talk with Charlie. But before slumber pulled you under, you did some introspection while staring at the blank ceiling above you. This time of the day is when you surrender yourself to your worst thoughts.

You thought of this while dying, but now its persistence has fully enraptured your attention. You can’t help but think of the world you left behind. Did they find your body yet? You can see the tabloids now: “Global Popstar Phenomenon Found Dead from Laced Drink at Trashy Party Bathroom”. What a joke.

Even now, you are nitpicking yourself to atoms as you realize you’re thinking about what the world thinks of you instead of worrying about the few real people who cared for you.

You can count on one hand how many people carried genuine sympathy for you. Two friends from your childhood, but even that’s pushing it because you haven’t been keeping up with them. You’d count your ex, but that was before. So… who was left to mourn you?

These self-deprecating thoughts came to you in familiarity. It is known that celebrities are extremely unhappy and you were no exception.

In life, perfection was always a concept you tried to reach. You knew you couldn’t do it, but you tried to get as close as possible to it. It didn’t help that your management team was also ensuring you were at your best at all times. With practice and rehearsals for concerts leaving you overly exhausted and bruised, to taking hours in the dressing room, trying on different outfits and makeup styles to see what fits best, you don’t know how you’ve survived that long under those conditions. The team will be very relieved to find out they don’t have to manage a prima donna anymore if they didn’t know you were dead already. And this thought made you feel awful. God damn, why is it every thought trails back to you feeling bad about yourself?

You push these demeaning voices aside as you close your eyes.

– – – –

You wake up to the sound of rustling coming from your closet. Still, your morning grogginess lingers. Rubbing your eyes while sitting up, you try to focus your vision on the movement coming from the closet.

Hearing you move instantly had Charlie shooting her head out of the closet. “Oh My Gosh I am SOOOO sorry for waking you up. But I forgot to give you a wardrobe, so I woke up super early to go get some outfits for you! And I may or may not have been listening to your music catalog while out in town…”

You couldn’t bring yourself to be mad at her, she was just so adorable. Her unlimited kindness is fascinating to you. “It’s okay, Charlie. This is about the time I wake up anyway. But you were listening to my music? I didn’t know hell had access to earthly media.”

She stands up, straightening out her clothes as she explains, “We don’t! But you know, after tinkering around and doing some searches, I found a website that uploads music from earth! How they manage that, I’m not sure. But it’s there! It seemed like your entire catalog was there, so I listened! I’ve been listening since last night before Vaggie told me to go to sleep. You’re such a great songwriter and singer!”

You were used to compliments up on earth. Oftentimes, they were said under false pretenses and malicious reasons. But for some reason, it feels more personal now. Maybe it was the genuine look and obvious sincerity in her tone, but it was different than usual. Blood rushes to your cheeks as you stammer out a mousy ‘thank you’.

“Oh! By the way, Vaggie’s almost done with breakfast. So, get ready!”

It’s after breakfast, and you sit on the couch with Angel Dust, watching Charlie pace back and forth.

“Babe, just call him. You won’t know his answer unless you talk,” Vaggie says, trying to console her girlfriend. Charlie takes a deep breath.

“Okay, you’re right. I am calling my dad.” And so she did.

You felt bad for her, seeing as her responses and facial expressions were evident of her emotions. It was clear her and her father don’t have the closest relationship, with her grimacing face making an appearance continually throughout the call. After a minute of awkwardness, she ends the call, turning to the group who were now seated on the couch.

“Okay sooooooooooo my dad’s going to be here in an hour.”

Angel and Niffty seem excited at the news.

“I’ve always wanted to meet the big dick in charge.”

“The ultimate bad boy!”

Vaggie pretends like she didn’t hear that. She takes charge as she gives out orders to the residents. “Alright, Lucifer’s going to be here in an hour. Let’s get this hotel presentable.”

— — — —

Lucifer continues to stare at the portrait, even after the call ends. The frozen glimpse of the family haunts him. He can feel an isolating cold run through his body as he stares into the eyes of both his daughter and … ex-wife. Charlie, standing there, shyly smiling, but with wide bright eyes. And Lilith, the former Queen of Hell, emulates prestige and elegance like no other. Even framed, her beauty was radiant. A looming aura of gloom and despair was ever present within the king.

Some days, Lucifer thinks he’s finally over it and that he’s ready to face everyone after years of cowardice. But one glance back at the stagnant memory and into the hypnotizing gaze of his first love, he crumbles apart again, just as he did when he first saw her in Eden.

It is unfathomable to him that after being condemned to damnation for eternity, raising hell from the ground up, and creating a child together that she would leave it all behind. 7 years has not changed his questions for her disappearance. He knew it was getting rocky after Charlie was born. Even with Lilith constantly taking Charlie away from Lucifer and arguments over the governance of Hell, he never thought she’d leave after over 10,000 years of marriage.

To be quite honest, Lucifer is tired of Lilith haunting him. Echoes of her presence still linger in the palace and her phantoms breach the darkest corners of his psyche. It’s like she’s tormenting him with memories of her and their love. He wishes he could get over it that quickly, but being together since the fall of humanity has instilled its lasting legacy on him. Lucifer does not want to be a doddering fool who keeps wistfully yearning for the woman he loves, but he can’t help but play the role. He obviously still loves her dearly, but he knows what they had has long been buried by time.

This phone call with Charlie has granted him a chance to make up for the past few years of distance, isolation, and hurt he has bestowed upon his own daughter.

“I’m trying my best, dearest.” His fingers trace Lilith’s enigmatic figure in the portrait.

---- ----

tag :3 @vififofum

#false idols lucifer x reader #lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel lucifer x reader #hazbin hotel x reader

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felizusnavidad · 2 months

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TTPD - my final thoughts

so... this album, according to taylor, came from a need to write. now i actually have the need to write this essay. it's an honest opinion, i gave it one last listen & i analysed all the lyrics. this is how i've spent my entire sunday. if you're a sensitive hardcore swiftie, don't even bother to read it. i've already lost a lot of followers because i was being honest lol. this is mostly for my friends, because they actually care about what i think. so i went through hell every song once again & those are my final thoughts (warning: i'm not being very nice & this is super chaotic & messy, but so is the album):

FORTNIGHT

super boring production & i usually love jack... i also can't believe it's the first single from this album? i like the music video tho. the b&w aesthetics are everything. she is kinda trying to sound like lana here, at least this was my first reaction when i heard this song. "i was a functioning alcoholic til nobody noticed my new aesthetic" - what the fuck does that even mean, i hate this line. "all my mornings are mondays stuck in an endless february" - i feel like she is trying to be poetic but this is such a weird line? kinda reminds me of how the first verse of "red" (the song) was a masterpiece, but she kinda got lost in the second verse, it's like trying to write as many metaphors as you can but they are just... not good. sometimes less is more. "i love you, it's ruining my life" - i love the way she sings this line & this line in general. i kinda like post malone in the outro (even tho i don't listen to his music). i don't give a shit about the lyrics to be honest, it's just not doing anything to me, i'm so indifferent (except those few lines i mentioned). overall it's a boring song & a skip for me. i tried to like it but i just... don't.

THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT

i don't hate this song, but i don't love it either. it has good moments. but it also has terrible ones. also, it's too damn long. i don't know. "you left your typewriter at my apartment, straight from the tortured poets department, i think some things i never say, like who uses typewriters anyway?" - i absolutely fucking love those lines, simple words, nothing "big" but i feel like this is what i love the most about taylor's songwriting - when she's not tying to be poetic & she is just writing simple things like that & i kinda love the way it rhymes, can't explain but this beginning is so good!!! "who's gonna hold you" - i love the way she sings this line. "we're modern idiots" - i also love this. "nofuckingbody" - sounds like something i would say so i'll take it. "you smoked then ate seven bars of chocolate, we declared charlie puth should be a bigger artist, i scratch your head, you fall asleep like a tattooed golden retriever." - & here we fucking go... i hate the way it doesn't rhyme? i usually don't mind it when things don't rhyme but somehow it really bothers me here? also this is such a terrible line & it ruins the whole song for me... i like the melody in the bridge tho & i kinda like how she mentioned jack there? i don't know why.

MY BOY ONLY BREAKS HIS FAVOURITE TOYS

i like the chorus? "once i fix me he's gonna miss me" - i know everyone loves that line but i don't??? i don't know, i just don't.

DOWN BAD

i kinda like the production. the melody is so great. "for a moment i knew cosmic love" - i just ADORE the way she sings it. "fuck it if i can't have him, i might just die, it would make no difference" - love it, so relatable. i don't have much to say about it but i like this song in general, it's not amazing, not a masterpiece, but i do like it & i will probably listen to it sometimes. maybe even add it to some of my playlists.

SO LONG, LONDON

beautiful intro, everybody say "thank you, aaron". i didn't love it on my first listen, it grew on me tho, i even love the production on this one now. it has simple lyrics, but it's beautiful. "so long, london, you'll find someone" - so simple & i love it. i love her voice in this song SO MUCH. "& i'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free" - i hate how much i relate. "i'm just mad as hell cause i loved this place... for so long..." - i had a mental breakdown today because of this one line. i can relate. also i think this is the best line in the entire song, at least to me.

BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM

nothing will ever save this song, even my boy aaron dessner. no, actually, the production is not bad, i have so many issues with the lyrics tho... "but daddy i love him! i'm having his baby! no i'm not but you should see your faces!" - i wanna die i wanna pretend i didn't hear it (also it's not only the fact that this line is fucking terrible, but the way she sings "his" - i don't even hear this word? the lyrics says it's there but i can't hear it? & it bothers me so much???). "stay away from her, the saboteurs protested too much" - is this line about us, the fans? the way i fucking laughed, this is embarrassing. (why is this song so long i hate it so much) ok, i hate how much i love the sound of the bridge because the melody is really really good there but the lyrics... "i'll tell you something right now, i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitchin' & moanin', i'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace, i don't cater to all these vipers dressed in empath's clothing, god save the most judgmental creeps who say they want what's best for me, sanctimoniously performing soliloquies i'll never see, thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me and counteract the chemistry and undo the destiny you ain't gotta pray for me, me & my wild boy & all of this wild joy, if all you want is gray for me, then it's just white noise, & it's just my choice" - i'm sorry but the way i laughed I WANNA KILL MYSELF THIS IS TERRIBLE TERRIBLE I HATE IT SO MUCH SHE LITERALLY DIDN'T SAY THAT... wild boy, THIS IS SO STUPID OH GOD- i need therapy after listening to this song & i'm afraid she also needs therapy because this is just unhinged. i don't wanna talk about this song ever again, in a perfect world it doesn't exist. let's move on.

FRESH OUT THE SLAMMER

kinda nice melody, don't care about the lyrics at all because it's boring. also, why is she talking about marriage again, she is literally so desperate to get married it's almost scary. it feels like she doesn't even care who she's gonna marry, she just wants to get married, period. oh god.

FLORIDA!!!

i love the vibes, the production is FIRE! love love love florence in the second verse! "and my friends all smell like weed or little babies" - i know what she was trying to say, but i still hate this line lol it's so cringey. "well, me & my ghosts, we had a hell of a time" - love love love this line. ok, but to be fair, i don't know what this song is about, but i am vibing. i love it, it's good.

GUILTY AS SIN?

it grew on me, i love the melody, i love the production. i hate to admit it, because we all know what this song is about, but i actually genuinely love the lyrics. "oh, what a way to die" - love this line & the way she sings it. "i keep recalling things we never did, messy top lip kiss, how i long for our trysts, without ever touching his skin, how can i be guilty as sin?" - i hate myself, i love it so much, god help me. "i keep these longings locked in lowercase inside a vault" - as a lowercase girlie i had no choice but to love this line. ok, idc, i love this song, crucify me if you want.

WHO'S AFRAID OF LITTLE OLD ME?

i love the production, i think it's one of the best songs on this album. the way she screams "who's afraid of little old me?" - LOVE THAT. "well you should be" - love that, it's powerful. i love the entire bridge, it's so good, i just don't like the line "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me", because wtf, is this about her childhood home? come on taylor, please, be serious. i think the way she sings "that i'm fearsome & i'm wretched & i'm wrong" is my favourite part of this song. i genuinely love it.

I CAN FIX HIM (NO REALLY I CAN)

i don't give a single fuck about this song, i just wanted to say the line "i can handle me a dangerous man" is so fucking stupid, now let's move on because i'm bored.

loml

she sounds really good in this one, i love the entire chorus, the way she sings "it's legendary", the way she sings "you told me i'm the love of your life" with sadness in her voice, i love it. somehow "if you know it in one glimpse, it's legendary" makes me think of "sometimes there's no proof, you just know" & i just made myself cry, idk. i hate "mr steal your girl" it sounds so bad in this song. bridge! so fucking sad!!! "it was legendary, it was momentary, it was unnecessary, should've let it stay buried" - i absolutely love this moment, probably my favourite part of the song. "you're the loss of my life" at the end... bro. it should be track 5.

I CAN DO IT WITH A BROKEN HEART

the post chorus, omg i hate the production, it makes me want to kill myself, it sounds so bad, omg. i genuinely wanna die. "lights camera bitch smile" - i hate it. "he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short, breaking down i hit the floor, all the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting more!" - i love this. i really do. the best part of the song for me. "i cry a lot but i am so productive, it's an art" - honey, no. this album is the best proof that it, in fact, isn't art. "cause i'm miserable & nobody even knows!" - but... we knew? (i can't stand this production for real) the ending, oh dear god i hate it so much, it sounds bad, it's terrible, taylor go to therapy because you're clearly not ok & it shows.

THE SMALLEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED

i don't have any thoughts on this song. it's boring & unnecessary, let's just move on (sorry aaron).

THE ALCHEMY

this is the worst song on the album (me about every song). "this happens once every few lifetimes" - taylor, honey, this happens to you with every single man. stop. get some help. all the football references make me want to kill myself, let's just skip it. it's boring anyway. i can't fucking listen to it. oh no, wait... "he jokes that it's heroin but this time with an E" - ???? even MY jokes are funnier. ok, i'm fucking done.

CLARA BOW

not a bad song but the "you look like taylor swift in this light" is so cringey to me. i hate it. it ruins the whole song for me. the production is really good tho, but i don't know. i'm so indifferent. i'm kinda disappointed with this one tbh.

THE BLACK DOG

it's a beautiful song. "old habits die SCREAMING!!!" - the delivery of this line, yes ma'am. "and i may never open the way i did for you" - i love it so much. also the lyrics in the entire song - so simple & beautiful, i love the storytelling here. the melody in the chorus is amazing. "and i hope it's shitty in the black dog" - yeah, me too. i love this song. it's so good & sad. one of the best from this album.

imgonnagetyouback

olivia rodrigo? hello? boring boring boring, i hate it

THE ALBATROSS

i love the production so much!!! i don't have much to say about the lyrics? i don't love it??? but it's fine i guess. but the production is really interesting, & sometimes that's enough to love the song. maybe it will grow on me. i like it now tho.

CHLOE OR SAM OR SOPHIA OR MARCUS

"if you wanna break my cold, cold heart" - i fucking love the delivery of this line, she sounds really good here & really sad. actually, the chorus is beautiful. "so if i sell my apartment, & you have some kids with an internet starlet, will that make your memory fade from this scarlet maroon?" - hello? maroon reference? ok i love this, i also love the way things rhyme in this part of the song. the lyrics is so simple & beautiful, once again, less is more. it's a great song.

HOW DID IT END?

the "oh-oh" in the intro, LOVE IT. i really love her voice here. "my beloved ghost & me, sitting in a tree, D-Y-I-N-G" - heartbreaking. & thanks for mentioning me in a song. "but i still don't know, how did it end?" - it kinda makes me think about all my relationships (not only with guys but also with my friends) & how sometimes you really don't know how it happened that they are no longer a part of your life. it makes me feel sad. i love the song.

SO HIGH SCHOOL

"touch me while your bros play grand theft auto" - oh my god. this is so bad. it's so bad. i don't like it.

I HATE IT HERE

INSTANT FAVE, SO RELATABLE, THIS IS MY SONG!!! "i hate it here so i will go to secret gardens in my mind people need a key to get to, the only one is mine" - me as fuck. that i can say for sure. "no mid-sized city hopes & small town fears, i'm there most of the year cause i hate it here" - the way i literally realized that this is where i spent my last year, it's almost scary but this song definitely goes to my "when the truth pops out" playlist. i'm gonna pretend the racist line in the second verse doesn't exist. "lunar valleys in my mind" - i fucking love this line. "i'm lonely but i'm good, i'm bitter but i swear i'm fine, i'll save all my romanticism for my inner life" - OH MY GOD. I WROTE THIS SONG. I SWEAR. i relate to this so much. i hate it here. i love this song.

thanK you aIMee

so at first i liked it but then i realized it's about kim kardashian & i actually hate it now, taylor, please, can we finally move on? it's been YEARS, imagine how tired we are.

I LOOK IN PEOPLE'S WINDOWS

the production is good, i love the repetitions of "out", "now" etc. not much to say about it, but it's kinda nice? it's so short tho.

THE PROPHECY

i absolutely love the production on this one, it reminds me of "augusta" by gracie abrams & i love this song so much (also produced by aaron). i love the chorus & all the rhymes here. i don't... love the song in general, but i like it & i think it might grow on me.

CASSANDRA

ok, you know what, it's a nice song, but i am so damn tired of hearing about the same thing over & over again... 2016 was eight fucking years ago, taylor wake the fuck up & move on??? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT ANYMORE JESUS I AM BORED.

PETER

i am genuinely crying right now, because i only have one person in my mind when i'm listening to this song & the words "you were gonna come find me"... oh god (i've had one person in my life who said they were gonna find me one day when i told them i'm gonna leave this shitty town & move to the city of my dreams. they didn't find me tho. the biggest what if of my life. i wanna die right now). it's a good song. i actually love it, probably because it's so relatable for me.

THE BOLTER

i actually like this one. the production is great (good job aaron!), i like the lyrics, i relate to some of this, not gonna get into details tho. none of it is outstanding, but it's a good song. i'm just tired, this album is too damn long.

ROBIN

"way to go tiger" - i love the melody & the way she sings this line. it's such a sweet song & i just learned that robin is aaron's kid's name, i love it. it's nice. nothing amazing, not a masterpiece but i like it.

THE MANUSCRIPT

"if the sex was half as good as the conversation was" - i kinda love this line (no, we are not geting into the details of who this one is about. i just said i love this line). also what a way to end the album: "now & then i re-read the manuscript, but the story isn't mine anymore". i love it, because now these stories are ours. it's like i told bel on friday, i'm gonna make this whole damn album about me & my life.

if you made it to the end, congratulations. to conclude: taylor should have worked more with aaron, less with jack. i usually love jack, but this time i feel like i've heard it all before. i still think this is her worst album. it's too damn long (31 songs!!!). it has some of her worst lyrics ever. most of those songs were totally unnecessary. maybe the entire album was. i genuinely think she should just take a break. i am really disappointed with this album & i am mad as hell because i wanted to love it. well... i made my own version. i think i'm not gonna talk about this album anymore. i also think i need a break from listening to it because i am genuinely tired. bye.

#enjoy the essay #also: i'm sorry #gonna disappear now #ts #ttpd #why do you write like you're running out of time*

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evilvvithin · 1 year

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Enemies to lovers

I wrote about the reader being kidnapped and König had to save her and now I thought 'how about a switcheroo' so here ya go. I know the plot might be silly cause obviously that wouldn't happen irl, but it's a fiction and idc könig is rotting my brain constantly for so long I don't even know who I am anymore. Special thanks to @xellrani for being my sweet beta reader ♡

Summary: Believing you leave your military past behind and just enjoy some rest and peace, you decide to travel. Unlucky (or lucky) for you, there's a secret mission going on and you get unwillingly involved. Trigger warning for smut, mentions of torture, military stuff, interrogation, restrains, kidnapping, blood, wounds. It's NSFW, König x f!reader (4, 596 words). AO3 link

"Excuseer mij," a male bumped into you trying to get past you in the crowd. Taking pictures of the beautiful river in Amsterdam, you didn't even realize you're standing right in the middle of the road. Netherlands? Yes.

Finally leaving the military base you called home for so long behind you, you had all your time to yourself. You didn't have to get a new job right away as you had more than enough money saved and you were exhausted. Really exhausted. All that was needed in your life now was peace and some time alone. During your time in the military, you've visited many countries across the whole world but never had a chance to experience them. You decided to change that now. You loved traveling. Getting to know different cultures, people, history, seeing the beauty in different corners of the world without having to think about the worst while fighting cartels or following orders no matter how wrong they were.

And there you were, heading slowly back to your AirBnB you booked for two weeks. You chose the right time of the year as well, it wasn't hot but at the same time it wasn't cold to stay outside the whole day comfortably. Your steps were so slow multiple people bumped into you after the man, but you just wanted to see every inch of this town. Inhaling the overwhelming smell of coffee and something sweet, you followed it and ended up standing in front of a "street dessert" shop. Many people stood around holding cups of coffee, enjoying themselves. You couldn't help yourself, seeing the steam coming out of the cups and the smell? You had to join them.

Leaning at one of the small tables, you watched all the people hurry past you. Everyone was seemingly late somewhere, no one took a second to appreciate the aesthetics of their own town. 'I guess they saw enough of it when they live here,' you thought to yourself. The cup was nicely warming your hands up. You noticed the same man from before, wearing the same black facemask, the one who said excuse me after he bumped into you. He was staring at you but the second you turned your face to him, he quickly looked away. Your military self started to analyze the situation, 'why was he in such a rush 10 minutes ago when he's now standing here staring at me? Why does he wear the facemask?' You scoffed. This was already in your past, you were done with anything military related. There was no need to immediately think about someone stalking you. Covering his face? The man's more likely just ill. 'Maybe there's something weird with my hair?' You immediately reached for your hair instinctively just to find out they were completely normal. Looking back at the guy, you realized he wasn't there anymore. You shrugged it off and decided to keep walking, you wanted to be at your rented apartment before it gets dark. Of course you wanted to experience the nightlife here, but not today.

Walking to your apartment, you felt a weird anxious feeling. Someone's eyes were buried deep into the back of your skull. Turning your head slightly, there was that man again walking behind you. With the quick glimpse you got, you noticed he wasn't alone this time but three other men were in the line with him, all wearing the same black facemasks. Coincidence? You didn't think so as the street was rather empty. 'The whole group covering their faces so they can't be recognized?' Hearing some voices behind you, you assumed they talked with each other. Crushing the empty coffee cup in your fist, you increased your pace and glanced over your shoulder at the men once more. They did the same, closing the gap between you and them. 'Shit -'

Everything happened so fast you didn't even have a chance to yell for help. They were right behind you within a second, one of the men grabbed you, covering your mouth. His hand was large, it could've easily covered your whole face. He locked your arms into your chest with his arm and pulled you off the street into a smaller side one quickly.

"Target acquired," one of the men said into his coat. He must've had some small microphone there.

You didn't panic, no. You've never been in a situation like this, but you went through a special training in case you ever got held hostage. Training how to act and how to defend yourself. The only thing keeping you from trying to fight the men was that one of them, the one holding you locked in his arms completely unable to move, was enormous. You had no chance against him. Not only that but you couldn't fight all four, especially since you now knew they were some kind of trained agents the way they talked and acted, or even the military. The feeling of not knowing what was going on, what they wanted and 'why me' was the worst. Maybe a mistake, maybe something from your past time in the army? You didn't know about anything bad you've done, but you knew more than well that you didn't have to do anything wrong nor illegal to be taken hostage.

You calmed down and didn't resist as much as you were able to, it was the best thing you could do in your head. Staying in the side street for a long time, you didn't even see anyone walk by. It felt like all the people in the big, busy town disappeared. The behemoth man holding you still in position, with your arms locked on your chest, none of them said a single word since the walkie talkie message. It felt like an eternity but then you heard a car engine getting closer and closer. A black car stopped right at the end of the side street and they rushed to it, the man pushing you forward to it. The car's windows were all darkened and it didn't surprise you a bit. Stuffing you inside, you thought they probably didn't expect their mission or whatever this was to be this easy.

"Hand me the straps," the man holding you said.

Strapping your wrists together to the point you felt it cutting into your flesh, you were on the edge of fighting back and getting rid of them. To your surprise, the behemoth of a man ended up loosening the straps a bit after realizing they were too tight. Your mind was a mess, 'why would he do that at all?' Before you could think further about the situation, they forced you to inhale something from a napkin. You knew what it was, you knew you'd go unconscious within a couple of seconds. Some kind of dark cloth hood was thrown over your head and the car's engine started, tires screeching as the car rushed away, but you were already dozing off.

"What do you mean he doesn't want to be a part of this?" You heard some distant voices while coming back to your senses. "He's the head of this operation he has to interrogate." You opened your eyes slowly but the hood was still over your head, making it impossible to see anything. "Tell him to come, he should at least be here."

Doors opening and closing, heavy footsteps, muffled inaudible words, distant thumping. You started to feel anxious as you couldn't see what was going on, not knowing where you were. Moving your arms you found out they were strapped to some kind of a pole behind your back. It reminded you of heating pipes. Feeling the cold stone under you with your fingertips, you must've been sitting down on the floor. Your neck tightened suddenly and you coughed, making all the voices come closer to you till you could hear them clearly.

"She's awake!" Someone with a deep raspy voice and accent shouted. "Let's start it."

The cloth blocking your view was removed and you saw three men standing in front of you. 'So it is military,' ran through your mind as you saw all their gear and helmets. Their faces covered, you couldn't tell if they were the same men from the street but you did recognize one of them. The tall, intimidating one. People his visage aren't as common. It must've been him. He was wearing a sniper hood now with a helmet on it.

"Your name, little one?" He asked.

'Little one? Is he mocking me?' You scoffed in your mind and decided to remain calm and silent. The whole room you were in was silent, except someone tapping their fingers on the table in the back. The hooded man walked closer to you and loomed over you, blocking all light.

"Your name." He repeated. This time he wasn't asking nor playing around, he was giving you an order.

His size and rough voice filled you up with nervousness but also a morbid curiosity. How did he look under the hood? You wanted to know who the voice belonged to. His eyes, you felt naked with them piercing through you. You felt like you couldn't have any secrets.

"Y/N," you replied finally and your voice cracked. Your throat still somewhat tightened, must've been due to what they made you inhale before.

The hooded man narrowed his back and turned to others, all of them exchanging looks with each other. "Do you live here?" He asked you after a while.

"I'm on vacation."

You saw his eyebrows furrowed more and more as he kept asking you. Questions about your country, year of birth, home address. You didn't know why you willingly answered all those questions when your plan was to not tell these men anything at all, but he made you feel somehow secure. As long as you cooperated, you had a feeling you'd be fine.

'Expect torture and humiliation, the worst of worst. They have no good intentions, all they say are lies. Tell them what they want to know and they let you go? The biggest bullshit. Never trust them, never cooperate. Dying is better than being captured.'

Lieutenant's words were burnt into your memory from years ago when you were still in training. You had no idea what made you so talkative. Maybe the feeling this whole thing was some kind of misunderstanding? Maybe the fact they didn't treat you harshly yet? Maybe the way the behemoth of a man loosened your straps in the car before?

He walked to one of the men and whispered something to him, after that they nodded at each other. "Horangi, with me," he said and left the room together with the named man, leaving you with the rest of the group.

You wanted to ask what was going on, but their face covers and sunglasses made it impossible to determine if it was okay to talk except being questioned and you weren't gonna risk it. The two men stayed behind doors talking and you did everything you could to catch what they were talking about. Without a chance. The walls and doors were too thick. It didn't take long before the two came back inside.

"Everyone out," the hooded behemoth of a man ordered everyone. They seemed confused at first, but they did what he wanted. "Whatever König says," one of them sighed out before leaving.

'König?'

"Did you lose your IDs recently?" He asked and crossed arms over his chest.

"Actually… yes," you blinked.

"And you have a military background, correct?"

"Yes," your reply was hesitant this time.

"Scheiße," the man cursed through gritted teeth.

"Can someone explain to me what's going on finally?" You felt like losing your mind.

König, as they called him, looked at you for a long time, thinking, before finally talking. "Cartel boss. We are after a cartel boss who is currently doing business somewhere in Amsterdam, apparently using your identity. We've never seen her face so we worked with what we had: IDs and credit cards. We don't even know for sure if it's a man or woman but we need to capture her. And with your army experience…"

You blinked at him repeatedly. You? A cartel boss? "Could you at least untie me? It's rather uncomfortable."

He walked to you, pulling out one of his knives and sliced the straps around your wrists carefully. When you saw him offering you a hand to stand up, you accepted it without hesitation. Someone was running outside the room, the rapid steps getting closer and closer. One of the men from before entered the room holding a laptop in his hands.

"Suspicious transaction," he said between breaths and gave you a look. "Her address."

König stared into your eyes before grabbing the laptop of the man's hands to see if it's real. "Follow me," he then ordered and pointed at you. "You too."

Taken away by the whole situation, you walked behind him without single question. What you thought was an underground secret complex or something similar, was in fact a simple basement in a large house. It was a home everyone on the street noticed, but at the same time it's what made it the perfect provisory base. Right under everyone's noses, not trying to hide.

"Bravo acquired another target," one of the men upstairs said as soon as you all walked up the stairs. "We're ordered to stay for a little bit and keep an eye out. They'll want her back." Seeing you blink in confusion, he added: "her, the boss."

"Bravo confirmed identity?" König asked and was met with a loud agreement. "Come with me," he turned to you and his voice immediately softened.

You noticed how tough and rough he seemed, eager for action. Ordering the soldiers with a deep, commanding voice, towering over everyone making them nervous just by his presence. Except the one he called Horangi. He didn't seem bothered by anything König did or said, it was like he knew him more than the others. Horangi knew deep inside he wasn't like that to the core and you had the feeling as well. Analyzing people's behavior and speech, making psychological profiles, was part of your job in the military before so noticing König immediately went soft and calm when interacting with you was really noticable to you. There was still something more about the man you wanted to get to know even though you just met him and not exactly in a good circumstances.

"Where are we going? Am I held captive still or what?" You asked while almost having to run to keep up with his fast paced walking.

"We need to keep you safe, for a while at least. You got involved now, it's not smart to let you run free. Captive? You could say so." He chuckled.

"Why not stay here then? It's not safe?"

"Es ist sicher," he paused for a while, "but there's a safer place."

You decided to just follow him and see where you end up. You weren't afraid of him or the rest anymore, what you were afraid was their enemy. Somehow using your identity, your credit card and they apparently were in your rented apartment? Your best bet was to stay with this big man right in front of you.

After taking a car ride, the two of you stopped in front of another house. This one was way smaller.

"You can stay here until it's safe," König said after entering the house with you.

"How many houses do you have in Amsterdam?" You asked.

"You didn't expect us to have just one base, did you?" He laughed. "We have one more place, some apartment. The house you were in, that is the main base for the current mission. This house is in case our main base gets revealed."

"So I'm staying at your place?"

"Basically, yes."

"Do you always wear the hood? Everywhere?"

"Natürlich, protecting my identity and my friends. Especially on missions like this one, it's necessary."

It made sense, you had your face covered during missions in terrain as well. You wished to see his face, the curiosity was driving you crazy but it will have to wait for later. Maybe you never get to see his face.

~~~~ one week later ~~~~

Snoozing your alarm, you forced yourself out of the bed. König wasn't home, he must've been at their main base. The boss they captured before refused to tell them anything, obviously. They tried torturing her to get at least something from her, but she remained silent. She'd rather die than reveal the cartel's plans. You helped König and others with coding and breaking down safety systems to track information online. They knew about your military past but they assumed you were just an ordinary soldier going through training. Little did they know you spent almost your whole life in the army, achieving all kinds of education and extra training to raise your value. You were doubting your decision to leave your army job as well. All the thoughts about how you were finally free, had time for yourself and could live in peace? In fact, you missed it. The action. Helping König with his task helped you realize that.

The coffee machine beeped. Grabbing a hot cup of the black liquid, you sat down in the kitchen and stared out the window. It was about to rain. Your thoughts took a turn back to him.

König.

The two of you got closer within the week you were here. He got comfortable around you, being really talkative and actually sharing deep details about this mission or his life. You assumed he wasn't really the type to share things with someone he barely knew, but for some reason he trusted you. You'd lie if you said he was just a man who kidnapped you before. You grew a huge liking for him and you didn't even see him without his hood yet. Sure, you could've sneak up on him when he slept but you wouldn't do that. 'He probably sleeps in it too anyway,' you laughed in your mind. Sipping your coffee, you couldn't get him out of your head no matter how hard you tried to focus on life outside the window. His voice, his caring gentle personality, his hands. He had beautiful hands. 'Uhhh,' you shook your head and body. You didn't know why, but König made you feel certain ways.

Staring out the window into nothingness and daydreaming while finishing your cup, you missed the doors being loudly slammed opened and closed. Hearing heavy footsteps behind you, you turned around just to see König squeezing his arm and bumping into a door frame on his way to the bathroom. You knew something was off and immediately ran after him. He was hunched over in front of the mirror, his gear and hoodie already on the ground next to him. He only wore a shirt, pulling up its sleeve further up to inspect a large bleeding wound under his shoulder.

"What happened?" You gasped in shock seeing all the blood drip down his arm.

"The warehouse where they supposedly stored drugs at," he said through gritted teeth. "It wasn't empty as we expected. It's just a scratch." He opened the bathroom cabinet and grabbed bandages. "Scheiße!" He cursed as the rest of the bandages fell to the floor.

"Let me do it," you said and collected them off the floor, grabbing the one out of his hand too. "What about others?"

"They're fine, at the main base, locating other warehouses that belong to the cartel." He sat down at the edge of the bathtub and let out a deep sigh, placing hand at the side of his ribs. "It's nothing," he said when he saw your raised eyebrows.

"Need to clean it first," you said after looking at the wound on his arm. He nodded and clenched his jaw.

Pouring disinfectant at the wound, all his muscles tensed up but he didn't let out a single noise. When the wound was clean, you started to wrap the bandages around his arm carefully.

"It's just bruised," he said after the pain of cleaning his wound faded away and he no longer had to clench his jaw together.

"You need to rest, at least for today." You finished bandaging his arm, keeping your hand gently placed over it stroking his arm with your thumb.

König looked at your hand, but didn't say anything. It felt nice, he wanted you to continue. "Show me the bruises," you said.

"Mir geht's gut," he said but pulled the shirt over his head anyway, revealing his chest and abs. You felt a wave of heat run through your body as your eyes flew over his chest, but your concern for his well being was stronger.

Touching the purple ish parts of his ribs, you felt him wanting to move away but he remained still. "You were right, it's just bruises. No broken ribs," you said.

Your fingers slowly traced from his side to his chest. König was boring his eyes into yours, but didn't stop you. You were feeling the scarred skin under your fingertips, his muscles tensing up reacting to your touch.

"Rest you said?" König said. His voice sounded so calm and deep suddenly. "Shower is great for relaxing and resting."

You were confused at his words, but he was right and you nodded. He grabbed your hand out of nowhere, standing up and pulling you into the shower corner with him. You didn't even have time to say anything before he threw his hood away and his lips were locked onto yours. God, his lips were unexpectedly soft. Closing your eyes, you returned his hungry kisses. You wanted to stare at his now uncovered face but you couldn't help it but give in to the lust you felt. König ran his hands down to your ass, giving it a soft squeeze before moving up your waist to your back. His hands were large and warm making you almost melt under his touch. He undid your bra with a single move like a pro and grabbing the edge of your shirt, he removed both your bra and shirt. He didn't want to leave your lips at all and only broke the kiss for a split second to pull the shirt over your head.

"Kön-" you tried to speak out but was silenced right away. 'König, I want you,' you finished in your head.

Your arms around his neck, you pulled him deeper into the kiss. He was getting more touch, impatient. Within the time you were with him, you saw his focus on the mission, on his work in general. You imagined he didn't have any woman for some time, but what could you know? Running your hands down his chest to his pants, you unzipped them and teased the bulge through his boxers. He moaned into the kiss breaking it, throwing his pants and boxers away to join your shirt and bra on the ground outside the shower. While he was at it, you quickly got rid of the rest of your clothes as well. Now both of you fully naked, König turned on the shower. His eyes jumping all over your body. Waist, boobs, collarbones. He was hypnotized by your body. So were you by his own. His scars, his muscles. He looked even taller and bigger without clothes. You couldn't keep your eyes from his already hard member, wondering if you can take him whole. Your pussy was already prepared to take him, all wet and screaming for attention. For release.

"You're gorgeous," König whispered and placed a hand on your thigh while his other hand traced down your neck and then collarbones, watching the water run down your body.

Your hands placed on his chest, you wanted to feel every muscle on his body, every scar. You wanted to ask about every single scar's backstory, but you're gonna have time for that later. Running your hands down to his cock and stroking it, he shivered under your touch. He couldn't take it anymore. He didn't want to behave like a wild animal, but you gave him no choice. He needed to feel you. He needed to connect with you. Now.

Grabbing your ass, he pulled you up and you instinctively wrapped your arms around his neck together with your legs wrapping around his waist. Even being higher now, you still felt so small compared to him. His dick pressed against your entrance now, you only moaned out his name in despair. Not breaking eye contact, he slowly slid into you. He wanted to break you, make you tremble, not able to walk but he definitely didn't want to hurt you. You felt your insides stretching around his size, not able to tell pleasure apart from pain. He was fully inside you now, waiting for you to adjust a little before starting to thrust into you slowly. It didn't take you long at all before you moaned out his name loudly. You were full, feeling him hitting your cervix often. Your body heated up so much the water now seemed cold. König caressed your neck with kisses, sucking onto your skin roughly and leaving marks there. You knew you won't be able to last long with this man but he felt the same.

He might've not let anything be known, but you were driving him crazy for a while. Your hair, waistline, eyes. Your military experience. The fact you knew weapons, the fact you were capable of being with him on a mission. The way you didn't scream and panic when he held you in the side street and then interrogated you. Your caring and kind nature.

The shower corner was filling up with steam and moans of you two. "Fuck!" You gasped out as your walls started to wrap around his cock tightly.

"I'm close," König groaned, his hot breath leaving a cold breeze on your wet neck.

You felt your arms getting weaker as they were wrapped around his neck the whole time. You were starting to feel dizzy as his thrusts became quicker and sloppier. You were gasping for air under his thrusts, feeling the climax coming. He thrusted into you a few more times, filling you up with his load immediately leaking out of you. You trembled under the pleasure, your vision blurry. Was it thanks to him or just the steam that was all around you?

"Mein Gott, love," he whispered, his voice all raspy.

He carefully let go off your legs. The second you stood on them you felt how weak they were. Still breathing heavily and unable to speak, you turned off the water. König placed his hands on the wall on each side of your head, locking you between them and towering you with his large frame. You finally got a good look at his face. His big, blue eyes that made him look tired all the time. His soft lips. His strong jawline. His sharp nose. You heard your heart beating in your head, deafening your ears.

"You plan on going somewhere?" König said and smirked, turning you around to face the wall and turning the water back on. "Long showers are the best," he whispered right behind your ear and pulled your ass towards him.

You bite your lip feeling the tip of his dick found your entrance again.

"Ruin me," you moaned.

"Ich werde."

#könig #call of duty moder warfare ii #könig x reader #cod fanfic #könig x you #smut #fanfiction #könig mw2 #könig call of duty #angst #call of duty #mari.fic

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cherries-in-wine · 11 days

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For some reason Tumblr won't let me edit this but another thing I'd like to add is the song writing just didn't do it for me. I genuinely think that Taylor is capable of writing beautiful lyrics and i wouldn't be so critical of ttpd if she hadn't said it's her most lyrical album. She's a great story teller even while using simple words taking folklore and Evermore for example: "all these people think our love's for show but I would die for you in secret" "I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere" "now you hang from my lips like the gardens of Babylon" "don't want no other shade of blue but you, no other sadness in the world would do" the entire bridge of cardigan. She uses more complex words pretty well too like how illicit affairs uses clandestine and champagne problems uses crestfallen perfectly. The thing is these words feel really natural when used in folklore and evermore but ttpd feels like a pretentious kid who thinks mental asylums are an aesthetic.

A (not so) quick comparison as to what I thought ttpd would be like vs how it actually was:

In my tears ricochet (i love that song so much) Taylor sings "if I'm dead to you then why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed, look at how my tears ricochet" the use of ricochet is perfect, the tears that she cried are reflecting back as bullets and hitting the people that hurt her. Here she says "and you can aim for my heart go for blood, but you'll still miss me in your bones" here "miss me" has two meanings, that the person who's aiming for heart will miss it because there's still lingering affection or maybe they're just a coward and "miss me in your bones" also means that even though they act indifferent, they're still gonna miss her when they kill her.

In but daddy i love him, Taylor says "Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see" the rhyme is so awkward, and it just doesn't make sense in the context of the song. Sanctimoniously means making a show of being morally superior and soliloquies is essential just talking to yourself. "He was chaos, he was revelry, bedroom eyes like a remedy" maybe i wouldn't hate this so much if it was about anyone other than Matty Healy but again I just expected more from Taylor.

I don't think ttpd represents female rage either, mad woman from folklore alone was more female rage coded than the entire album.

I think swifties are justified in feeling so protective of Taylor after all the kim and Kanye shit went down and people are also justified in disliking Taylor for romanticising asylums, all her carbon emissions, not speaking up for Palestine and her dating Ratty Healy. I also think it's unfair to call everyone that criticizes Taylor someone who just hates successful women. She's done some problematic shit that does deserve criticism. But i think it's also true that some people's reasoning for hating Taylor is unfair and unjustified like how only teenage girls listen to her (not true at all) or she's a bad writer. Let's just stop shaming teenage girls for their interests and let's listen to something other than shake it off before calling her a bad writer.

About Taylor not speaking up for Palestine, I did not say that it makes her a Zionist, but the thing is that she isn't just some billionaire, she's person of the year and a really influential figure that holds a lot of power so her choosing to stay silent is very disappointing.

That's all I've got for now I'll probably add more things later. These are just my thoughts so feel free to disagree but please be respectful about it <3

#Taylor Swift #Taylor Swift analysis #folklore #Evermore #ttpd #the tortured poets department #ratty healy #anti matty healy #anti taylor swift #lyrics analysis #my tears ricochet #but daddy i love him #anti ttpd

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papatundespainknife · 1 year

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based on the backstory and personalities of the Mikalesons, do you have any headcannons about Mikaelsons + religion?

oh HECKIE YEAH

i think it's honestly SUCH an interesting topic and concept seeing as how their all you know immortals n shit and magics real and etc etc. unlike say, btvs where Willow literally invokes Osiris, tvd doesn't really make any solid references or claims about the whole Deity Situation until apparently legacies but I haven't watched it yet and sounds Kinda Dumb so I'm ignoring that lol. But the rule of thumb with shows like these seems to be that once you say draculas and witches are Super Real then it's open season for Zeus enter stage right like it's an episode of Xena. Which when you look at the Mikaelsons....... Wild.

I think that Freya, Finn and Rebekah are the most unironically straight-forwardly religious and I think they've stuck to the norse/scandinavian beliefs they grew up with. Freya both because of the 1,000 years of Napping Nonsense but also because she's a witch and that's the school she was taught in so she's sticking with it. Finn for similar naptime reasons and also because he doesn't see a reason to change and didn't even when they were in France and hanging out with christians. For Rebekah it's like pure sentimentality. She likes a lot of the aesthetics of mainly catholicism (the swagiest of sects) but at the end of the day she's still out here making offerings to Freya (the goddess not the sister fdjkgdfsdfs) because she's a sappy little sentimental bitch and that's what brings her comfort. I don't think she's particularly religious which I think Freya and Finn are but she enjoys the celebrations and finds comfort in the actions/words/rituals/prayers/etc.

Kol and Elijah are more wiggly in their beliefs. Kol still calls back to his roots a LOT but he's also expanded out over the years since he's still a witch at heart and a curious cat. He's less interested in following any one religion and more in what resonates with him. So his believe system is very eclectic. What he believes in he believes in 10000% and is dead serious about. He's also experimented and educated himself about world religions the most out of all of them. Dude could probably teach a clss tbh.

Elijah is the one who's actually been the closest you can be to an atheist in a world like this. He's had periods of like, religious nihilism and periods were he's a little more hopeful about it. He's just spent so much of his life trying to be the Good Reliable Son and like Niklaus praying for divine intervention both with their father and with Niklaus only to get shit in return that it broke him and he just stopped and abandoned all religion/spirituality and focused only on the tangible. Hope's birth fucking shakes him to the core lol. Generally tho even after her he's still more in the like, "not my scene but i do love a good festivity" camp.

Niklaus is an evangelical's idea of an atheist where it's not "i don't believe in god" but instead "i feel god personally slighted me at my bday party so now i'll hurl rocks at him for the rest of my life out of pure spite". his sense of abandonment, unwantedness and paranoia doesn't stop at the threshold of religion. Ofc, he's old as dirt and literally has his own coven that bitches KEEP FORGETTING HE HAS so he's not in doubt that the divine exists. But Thor didn't protect him from his father's abuse so fuck that guy and jesus didn't fix SHIT for him so equally fuck him.

Wouldn't be shocked tho to see him "ironically" do rites/sacrifices to Odin via shit like the death of an enemy/creatively using old school practices for physical/psychological torture bc he's Like That. Does he also end up carving a mjolnir into Hope's crib and giving her a little one on a necklace? yes but this ain't about that hush.

Kol and Niklaus are also the most likely to have an affinity for gods like Loki and his children for reasons I feel are obvious lol. The holiday arguments this creates between them and Finn are unhinged.

#answered #tvd #mikaelsons #meta #klaus mikaelson #finn mikaelson #kol mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #rebekah mikaelson #freya mikaelson

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qqtxt · 1 year

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[🐯] 1:11am wish (came true)

✿ pairing: beomgyu x you / female reader / angst if you squint, but mostly fluff, sexual innuendos but nothing explicit / 3,793 words / reader calls him ‘gyu’ / minor cursing / mentions of food and eating ✿ in which beomgyu returns back from tour, and the first place he stops by is your apartment, surprising you in the middle of the night. ✿ a/n: i couldn’t help myself! i think i like this pairing :”) my heART– [masterlist 🌸] / @kflixnet ✨

note: written in mind to be a continuation of ‘1:11am wish (you’ll stay)’ but can also be read as a standalone ;w;

seven more days, beomgyu promises. seven more torturous days and it’ll be over, he’ll be in your arms, you’ll be in his arms and he’ll never leave you (until the next announcement is released, so you’ll live in your fantasy as much as you want).

this time around, it’s... not to say it’s easier, but it feels like the tough days were easier to manage. there are still some bad days, as there are good ones. both of you were rather independent people; having alone time was something you two benefited from the time away but there... there are times where there’s crying over the phone, shakily recorded voice notes, unable to show each other’s face on video because of how badly the loneliness and longing affected the other’s face.

but there’s the good things, too. giddily smiling over each other’s photos being sent, promises like i’ll bring you here next time, just the two of us. it’s so pretty here. all i can think about is how perfect it would be if you were here with me. jokes like what if you come back and i have a dog? and beomgyu’s already barking with rejection of hell no. not yet. i can’t be fighting for your attention against a dog. i’ll lose.

then, there’s now. the present.

like... literally. beomgyu’s just landed and he has only one place on the top of his list: wherever you are.

the second they find their footing at the airport, he starts to move quickly with his manager as he detours away from the boys, promising to meet in a few days. they already see how happy he is despite wearing a mask and sunglasses, with his cap on. upon hopping into the van, luggage in the trunk, he pulls out his phone and sees the five messages that come from...

[y/n 💛] i’m gonna head to bed now, i feel tired today. goodnight and i love you, gyu 🧡🧡🧡 [1:10am]

[y/n 💛] oh sh [1:11am]

[y/n 💛] it’s 1:11!!! [1:11am]

[y/n 💛] i wish for you to come back now. right now. yes. just get on a damned plane and come back to me. [1:11am]

[y/n 💛] i’m kidding, i know you’ll be back in a few days but i just miss you, okay? anyway i’ll talk to you tomorrow 🥴 [1:11am]

with his tongue in cheek, he decides not to reply as he locks his phone and rests it on his lap. his manager is well-aware of where to drop him off, so no words are said on the way there. it does take a while, so he leans back in his seat and his foot is impatiently tapping on the floor. as he does so, he peeps at his phone and presses the lock screen button.

the time reveals to be 2:10am, but what catches his eyes is his lock screen image. if those saw it at a first glance, they won’t notice it. it’s at one of the places well-known for cherry blossoms and one might say it’s just an aesthetic photo of the scenery. but if you look closely, there’s your silhouette trying to reach for one of the flowers, only to huff when you can’t reach it and beomgyu remembers trying to help you reach it, only for the both of you to fall down into the pile of flowers and laugh when the pain subsides.

he remembers holding you, leaning in to kiss you and remembering just how magical it all felt. how it feels like when he’s with you. even in the simplest, most mundane and boring things felt fun with you. seriously, who the hell enjoys laundry? this guy, apparently, when the both of you make a dance beat with the sounds from the washing machine doing it’s last cycle and then trying to see who can hang the clothes the fastest. or how about that time–”yah, choi beomgyu, wake up.”

he snaps his eyes open with a flinch, now seeing his door is open with his manager–”oh... we’re here?”

“quickly go in before anyone sees you,” his manager chuckles, already placing his luggage on the sidewalk so that beomgyu can scurry on in. he doesn’t have too much trouble making his way up, and all the buffering in between is only making him feel more and more anxious to get to you; to see you, to hold you–oh god, to have you in his arms.

beomgyu stands by your apartment door and fumbles for the key in his wallet. he brings it with him everywhere and makes sure he has a spare in his bag just in case, but he always has one in his wallet. he fishes it out next to the slot of a polaroid image of the both of you; smiling, it was on his birthday and it was a private celebration at his parent’s house where his older brother took the photo for the pair of you–i can’t believe my brother found someone who matches his energy... can you please tame him, somehow? beomgyu scoffs a laugh when he glances at the picture, more so at the memory.

his eyes looking at the key reminds him what he’s here for and he’s so shaky he can’t even open the door properly. he manages with whatever glimmer of stability he has left and he trudges in. his eyes snap shut when he makes a bunch of noise on his way in but sighs when it all falls quiet. (well, it better be, it’s literally two in the morning)

he puts his bags down to the side quietly and removes his jacket, mask, sunglasses and cap. he gives himself a little shake and exhales deeply before he start to make his way to your bedroom. your door is left ajar, to which he places his hand on it to push it open enough for him to step through.

the light that shines from your hallway dimly illuminates the feature on your face as you slept facing the door this time. what a blessing. he resists the urge to take a photo, knowing very well he’ll mess that up, and quite frankly, he can’t think straight at the sight of seeing you.

you’re here, he’s here. this is all real. hours, days, weeks and months leading up to this moment and he’s having a heart attack on his own before passing on that virus to you. he carefully gets on his knees, kneeling before you as he has one hand on your waist, the other stroking the side of your head.

“y/n,” he calls out softly, careful not to startle you, but he’s trying so, so hard not to be impatient. “y/n, wake up.”

it takes a couple of seconds when you make sounds and shift a little, but soon your eyes peel open. he smiles at you softly, stretching out to a grin but then it starts to fade when you don’t react the way he thought you would. either squealing out of bed and jumping into his arms, tackling him on the floor. or combusting into a bundle of joy, scream, shout, anything.

it was the opposite.

you looked... sad. (and still so beautiful that it doesn’t feel fair)

“i can’t believe this is happening again...” you murmur quietly, one of your hands tucked to hug yourself, the other meekly reaching out to touch his face. he gapes at your touch and tries not to move as he watches you, seeing how sadness continues to fill your eyes the more you stare at him, thumb stroking his cheek. “it feels so real.”

he can’t stop himself, the words come out before he can filter it: “what does?”

it hits him.

it finally hits him when you say: “my dream...”

you press your lips into a thin line, swallowing thickly as a stray tear rolls down your cheek and seeping into your pillow. beomgyu frowns, his features twisting to mirror the ache in his heart as he hears your torn voice. “this one’s gonna hurt in the morning, isn’t it?”

he tries to comfort you, but quite frankly, he doesn’t know what to do.

“w-what if this isn’t a dream?” his hand reaches to overlap yours on his face, and it makes you chuckle, but he doesn’t sense any happiness in your tone. it’s just... it’s miserable, depressing, lifeless.

“i’m going crazy,” you sigh, hand slipping from his grasp and onto the bed, eyelids closing as your voice trails off, “gyu’s going to have a long-ass voice note before he sleeps tomorrow...”

beomgyu watches as you succumb back to sleep, shaking his head at the sight because he’s conflicted. in some way, it makes him happy because that’s... that’s the sight of progress right there. it hasn’t been easy to completely be vulnerable to someone, but through the days and weeks apart, beomgyu’s seeing the change through each voice note that reveals your worries and late night messages of i miss you, today feels harder than the other days... i just want to hold you.

soon, baby. i’ll be back soon, and i’m all yours then but...

but what?

i’m still all yours now, though.

gross.

it’s you staying true to promising him you’ll do your best to let him know when the days are hard, when you need extra reassurance, when you miss him a bit too much; and it’s proof right here that you’re trying, even when it’s emotionally taxing.

but the other part of him–fuck–he just wants you to believe that he’s home.

he takes a moment to think and... he knows that maybe now’s not the right time to tell you if you won’t believe him. so what he does is he heads back out to rummage through his bag to change into more comfortable attire to sleep in; a simple black shirt and shorts before he makes his way back into your bedroom. you’re still soundly asleep and beomgyu tries not to wake you (he’s not really trying, he’ll be more than glad if you woke up...) as he joins you in bed.

you shift a little, turning around to face him and he’s able to rest easy, looking at you as you took in short breaths of air and you slept. it may not have been the way he wanted to surprise you, but he’ll be honest, he was dead tired too. perhaps tomorrow will work out better. for now, he’ll take all he can as long as he’s by your side and he’s able to rest easy knowing tomorrow when you’re by his side, he knows it’s not a dream.

morning. the sunlight kisses your eyes as you peel them open with a soft grunt. it’s a weekend, thank fuck for that because you’re about to pour out your emotions to a poorly recorded voice note as your heart sinks to your gut. your arm reaches out to your table, anticipating for where your phone is but you–what–what the hell–who the hell–your eyes snap open and panic alarms you as you sit up and unknowingly–”g-gyu... no, am i still asleep?”

you give yourself a couple of pats to the face, rubbing your eyes, but each time you blink to your side, it’s... it’s not going away.

beomgyu’s here. he’s laying next to you in bed, frown on his face as he wakes up with a grumble–five more minutes... he whines, curling towards your body, arms snaking around your waist to lure you back to bed as he buries his face against the side of your thigh.

you gulp and feel your hands shaking, your body slowly spiralling into madness at the thought of him being here; unannounced, yet, fitting so perfectly whenever he’s around. you feel the emotions coming all at once, especially after that little hiccup last night at the thought of dreaming of him and now he’s actually here. it’s all hard to process that you’re not making any coherent noises because soon, your feelings get bigger and bigger, the tears start to sting your eyes and–beomgyu peeks his eyes open, about to reign his excitement all over you, only to sit up hurriedly despite sleep still heavy in his system.

he shakes his head, eyes widening in fear, “h-hey, hey hey,” he murmurs softly, hands settling on your shoulders and pulling you close to him. he makes you situate your face in the spot between his neck and shoulder, one of your legs scooting over between his legs so he can hug you closer and his arms circle around you.

almost immediately he feels at home; this is where his home is, with you, beside you, having you in his arms. but the sounds of you crying makes his heart ache because he knows the pain all too well. he knows of the nights of wanting to hold him but he’s so far away. he understands the feeling of looking at your picture and going to sleep, hoping he’ll see you in his dreams because that’s where you’re the closest when you’re thousands of miles away. he tastes the tears he cries in the shower when the longing is too hurtful and he doesn’t want to tell anyone else but you–so he resorts to masking it from others.

so seeing you like this, hearing you like this, it’s a relief being able to cry in each other’s arms but it still pains him every time you cry.

he gives you all the time you need... after all, he’s the one who came uninvited –even though he knows he’s welcomed all the time–but it’s not everyday you wake up to having your significant other return from a long tour and the next morning when you wake up they’re in bed with you. your cries slowly fade as you let go of all your pent up emotions and your hands can finally start searching for him that he decides it’s a good time now to start talking.

“is my baby done crying so i can get a good look at that pretty face?” he coos into your ears, making you huff as you nudge him by the chest so he can lean back to look at you.

he already has this shit-eating-grin on his face, even though he looks like he’s shed a couple of tears but you’re clearly on the worse end here. as you rub your nose with the back of your hand, beomgyu reaches up with his free hand, the other holding you around the waist so he can cup your cheek, brushing the tears away with his thumb.

“augh, look at you, still so cute and gorgeous.”

you still can’t speak, the shock numbing you to the point that even looking at him in the eyes is about to make you cry again. he shifts his position so that he’s straddling you, sitting on your stretched out legs on the bed and he cups your face in his hands, making you look up to him. the light that illuminates his silhouette makes you wary, your hands resisting to hold him because what if, what if he’s not really here?

he senses your hesitance and pouts, lightly squishing your cheeks, “you’re hurting my feelings here. not even gonna hold me? after so long?”

he loosens his hold on you and leans closer, so that you can reach up to touch his face. after a couple of seconds, and him nuzzling against your palm, you reach up with your other hand and hold his face. it’s a long pausing moment, looking at him like this, holding him like this. your heart slowly allows the pain to subside, sinking in reality as this... this is real.

beomgyu’s here.

he’s home.

he yelps when you lunge forward, and he has to brace himself to catch you before the both of you topple over and off the bed. he starts to laugh happily, even when you’re crying in his neck–a different reason this time–and it all welcomes him home. the quiet sighs, the deep intakes of air you force into your lungs, the grabbing; the desperation to feel him, more of him, reaching wherever you can as he holds you up in his arms. he longs for it, his heart, feels full at the feeling of you appreciating his presence so much, he tries not to cry, not now, at least. he’ll know he’ll crack later, but he’ll resist now to be that pillar for you.

he shifts around so that he’s able to lay down on the bed with you still clinging onto him, laying on top as you take all the time you need to recuperate with the fact he’s actually here. he strokes the back of your head, down to your lower back, and all over again in a calming gesture. the heavy breathing ebbs away, and soon, the calmness takes over; happiness radiating when you move yourself from chest and sit up on his lap.

he sits up as well, and since you’re straddling him, it’s easy to come face-to-face with close to no room between your bodies. the change of position surprises you, but he watches as how adoration and infatuation fills your eyes at each waking moment that it’s not a dream to you. your hands hold his face again, and he’s able to smile up to you this time.

there’s so much you want to say, but you know you won’t be able to coherently form it now. with the way beomgyu’s looking up to you, blinking in a daze, you know he somehow can read your mind.

you feel smaller... your face, slimmer than in the photos, videos, fan cameras... you look tired, but happy. tired happy. you’re here, that’s the most important. you’re here, oh god, you’re actually here.

you say so much without saying anything at all, and it tugs on his heartstrings the longer he looks at you, as if he’s trying to memorise this very image. the light that outlines your silhouette almost scares him that this could’ve been a dream for him too. but as you kiss his forehead and lean your forehead against his, it’s a reminder that it isn’t.

“didn’t hurt in the morning, did it?” beomgyu says, raising a brow at you as his hands squeeze your waist.

he watches as confusion morphs your features, a small pout forming.

“how’d... how did you know that?”

it seems like you recollect your dream, especially when you sound so skeptical that he’s able to reference something that... that was... wait. wait a fucking–

“i’m hurt, you know? you said you’d hug me, kiss me senseless, maybe even let me fill you up when i’m back but when i am, all you do is go back to sleep.” he feigns being hurt, but he can’t help himself to laugh when you don’t react in the way he thought you would. your eyes widen so much, it doesn’t look like you’ve been crying for the past thirty minutes.

“t-that was real?!” your jaw drops, body frozen, “you were already home?!”

he pouts, and nods.

“but you just went back to sleep. such a meanie.”

beomgyu can only watch, living in the moment and he’s always, always going to remember this for the rest of his life. the surprise on your face, the shock coming in a second wave of disbelief... but all in the best ways possible. your mouth tries to formulate words, your mind seems to disconnect from your entire being–you have indeed, been bamboozled.

he gives you a moment, only to notice that he probably lost you. he’s made you lost your train of thought. the disconnect was very much visible.

“you need more time to process things, baby?” he grins up to you, clearly enjoying every second of this, but when you still don’t know what to say.

he tests the waters by shifting a little, and when he sees that you’re responsive, he carefully tries to lay you down beneath him. as his elbows rest between your head as he holds himself up, him situating between your legs, you gape at him when there are telltales of what’s about to escalate. your hands reach up to hold onto his shoulders, then going through his hair.

innocently, at first, because it’s been so long, but the switch in beomgyu’s eyes as your fingers go through the strands, the way your eyes look up to him in admiration, then as you try to scan his features, he’s fixated on your eyes, nose, cheeks... lips. the second his eyes trail from your lips back to your eyes, you know it’s game over when he leans down to kiss you.

thank goodness it was a weekend... because it was going to be a very long weekend now that beomgyu was back.

((”how could you leave me like that?” beomgyu huffs, standing by the door of your kitchen as you put the pot to boil water. he watches as you turn around, clad in just one of his shirts over your body and a pair of shorts on, hair still a mess but god, this is the sight beomgyu wishes to see all the time. he stands there with his arms crossed over his bare chest, a pair of boxers lining his hips, small frown on his lips.

you chuckle and spread your arms out, already cooing at him to enter your embrace he very much willingly runs towards.

“i got hungry, you’re probably hungry, too.” your arm circles around his shoulders, the other ruffling his hair, “just wanted to make some ramen for us.”

he sighs into your shoulder, about to comment on how lucky he is but then his mind overtakes to something else when he–”i probably didn’t wear you out enough since you’re able to come here by yourself.”

he feels you stiffening in his hold and you try to resist when he pulls back. with not much resistance, he manages to lean back with a smug look on his face, especially when you don’t respond.

“i wonder...”

“w-what?”

“you don’t have anywhere to be tomorrow, right?”

“choi beomgyu, i’m warning you. we’re meeting the boys in a couple of days!”

he snickers, pulling you close to him by the waist when you try to lean away, “yeah, in a couple of days... you should be able to walk by then.”

“...”

“...no objections?”

“can we at least eat something first? i’m starving...”

when you blink up to him with a small pout, he relents with a sigh, “augh, fine. you’re lucky you’re cute.” he leans in, whispering into your ears, “but after this meal, though, i’m having second rounds of you.”))

#kflixnet #txt scenarios #txt x you #txt x reader #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu x y/n #beomgyu x you #choi beomgyu #beomgyu

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letters-from-dekarios · 26 days

Text

the tortured poets department (gale’s version)

tracks one through five

summary: an analyzation of TTPD with comparisons to gale dekarios’ story and life. some generalized things are part of the version of gale i’ve made in my mind that makes sense for his character to me.

or: me rambling about the TTPD songs and how each lyric relates to gale dekarios.

word count: 3.8k

tags: taylor swift is mothering with this new album, gale dekarios, i am mystra’s hateclub ceo, most of these songs are about their breakup sorry if i reiterate things a million times, MENTIONS OF S/H & SUICIDE. DO NOT READ IF THESE THINGS TRIGGER YOU.

author’s note: this multi-part series is going to be written in a much more casual style than my traditional fanfics. if you notice me rambling or screaming for like three sentences straight, don't be alarmed, I did spell check everything!

First and foremost, I absolutely LOVE this album. Artistically and lyrically, this is one of Taylor’s most sophisticated albums. It’s a story not really about boys or love or anything (not in the same way that other albums/songs have been, at least. take ‘love story’ or ‘enchanted’ for example), but instead is about her. Yes, her songs have technically always been about her. But this album has such a different ring to it. It’s about her and her feelings and about telling her story to the world, no matter if it makes people upset. This album is so unapologetically Taylor Swift that it is simply just… beautiful. I love this album SO much.

Now… let’s get into it!

fortnight;

I see this song both from the perspective of Gale and that of Mystra thinking of Gale.

“I was a functioning alcoholic till nobody noticed my new aesthetic”

makes me think of Gale hiding in his tower for a whole Year after receiving the orb. He and Mystra’s relationship wasn’t the longest either had ever had, but the breaking it off still hurt more than anything he’d ever experienced.

“All of this to say I hope you're okay/But you're the reason/And no one here's to blame/But what about your quiet treason?”

THIS IS SO. Gale knows that he’s, he was at fault for some of it too. But her treason against him (leaving him to die) goes overlooked by SO many. Even Gale overlooks her misdemeanors because he feels like he is ALSO at fault, and STILL wishes her the best despite it all.

“And for a fortnight there, we were forever/Run into you sometimes, ask about the weather/Now you're in my backyard, turned into good neighbors/Your wife waters flowers, I wanna kill her”

Metaphorically, they were together for a “fortnight”. They weren’t together for a Long time romantically, so their relationship wasn’t a long one. But now every time he uses the Weave or connects with her it’s like everything has changed and he has to play nice for fear of losing whatever friendship they had. And I’m sure some part of Gale is angry at Elminster for still being her Chosen and still having her affection (‘your wife waters flowers’).

“All my mornings are Mondays stuck in an endless February/I took the miracle move-on drug, the effects were temporary”

Even though February is the shortest month, I personally interpret the analogy like ‘this was short, but it feels longer’ and with ‘all my mornings are Mondays’ it’s like starting over time and time again but always ending up at the start. With Gale, even though their time together was futile, he’s still stuck on it. No matter how hard he tries, the effects of Mystra’s romantic loss on him is Hard. His mind always wraps back around to it.

“I love you, it’s ruining my life”

Gale still talked about Mystra and was willing to give up his life for her. He would’ve done Anything for her.

“Thought of calling you, but you won’t pick up”

Gale still tries to reach out to her even though he Knows she won’t listen to him. Even though he Knows she wants nothing to do with him right now, he still tries to reach her.

“Move to Florida, buy the car you want/buy it won’t start till I touch, touch, touch you”

He can move on and try to escape it all but no matter what he does, Mystra is Always There. She always will be. Because without her and her power, he has nothing. And it messes with him Terribly.

the tortured poets department;

“You’re in self-sabatoge mode, throwing spikes down on the road”

Mystra KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING. How could she not?? How could she not know the magic he was using and not see what he was trying to do for her? He was destroying their relationship long before the tome and she had the Audacity to not say anything about it.

However, on Gale’s end, “But I've seen this episode and still loved the show”

LITERALLY KARSUS’ FOLLY. Gale was so aware of what Karsus had done and knew of his mistakes and sought to not be like him… yet he did something similar because he thought that the rest of the ‘show’ or relationship in this case could be different and wouldn’t affect the rest of it.

BUT, then, “And who's gonna hold you like me?/And who's gonna know you, if not me?”

Mystra knows he can try to move on, but she will always be there at the forefront of his mind. He can attempt to escape, but she is Always There.

“"You're not Dylan Thomas, I'm not Patti Smith/This ain't the Chelsea Hotel, we'rе modern idiots"”

I take this lyric as something Mystra says in a way to Gale. Kind of how she tells him to “be contented” (yes I reference this line a lot). Mystra tries to tell him that their love is not the grandest and not legendary. It is going to end. While she doesn’t refer to herself as an idiot, I feel the line can be taken as she sees the love itself as idiotic. She’s had so many lovers that this with Gale is just.. pointless, in a sense? She never had any intention of furthering his magic any more than it had been, so his idea with her is stupid.

“But you awaken with dread, pounding nails in your head/But I’ve read this one before, where you come undone”

She’s had So Many Chosen and even had someone try and literally usurp her power before. She knew what she was doing with him, even if Gale had no clue what was going to happen.

“Sometimes, I wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me/But you told Lucy you'd kill yourself if I ever leave/And I had said that to Jack about you, so I felt seen/Everyone we know understands why it's meant to be”

GALE IS INSECURE. MYSTRA TELLS HIM TO BE CONTENT AND HE TRIES TO!!!! He really Really tries to but cannot bring himself to. People who still just see him as her Chosen find little to no issue because they think he’s this great, grand, all-powerful wizard so it makes Sense.

“At dinner, you take my ring off my middle finger/And put it on the one people put wedding rings on/And that's the closest I've come to my heart exploding”

MYSTRA. She tells him to be contented even when he’s begging for more and wants to know her more intimately and instead of squashing the idea he had of becoming something greater with her, she just lets him SIT WITH THE IDEA. KNOWING FULL WELL WHAT HE WOULD'VE DONE AND WHAT HE WANTED TO DO. This song is so Mystra saying that Gale will never find anything greater than her and Gale’s heartbreak and realization over that fact.

my boy only breaks his favorite toys;

“Oh, here we go again/The voices in his head/Called the rain to end our days of wild”

I take this as Mystra seeing Gale and knowing that she was going to start something with him. After all, she had to know of his magic usage even as a small child up until she was back and fully alive again. In my headcanons/ideas she was appearing to him perhaps not with full strength but still showing herself even when he was 16/17. She also would’ve known the ideas in his head of growing more powerful and trying to love her with every part of himself.

“The sickest army doll/Purchased at the mall/Rivulets descend my plastic smile”

Mystra chose him much like one chooses a doll they purchase. She used him and abused him, and forced him to carry his fake plastic smile even when he had tears streaming down his face when she left him.

“But you should’ve seen him when he first got me”

GALES UTTER HAPPINESS OVER BEING CHOSEN BY MYSTRA? He had been practicing since he was a child. Mystra was his absolute everything!!

“My boy only breaks his favorite toys, toys, oh/I'm queen of sand castles he destroys, oh, oh”

AHHH. No matter how hard Gale could’ve and was trying, he crumbled the relationship in his hands. He didn’t mean to, but it happened regardless. Also, ‘queen of sandcastles he destroys’ THINKING that he was standing on stable ground with Mystra, before realizing that it was easy to ruin and never stable to begin with. At the same time, though, Mystra thinking that she had Gale exactly where she wanted him and then realizing that he was going down a path she wouldn’t support. But instead of helping him rebuild she just let him sit with his destruction.

“There was a litany of reasons why/We could've playеd for keeps this time”

both with Mystra and Gale, either of them could’ve fought to maintain the relationship. But Gale was the only one who actually… did.

“I know I'm just repeating mysеlf/Put me back on my shelf/But first, pull the string/And I'll tell you that he runs/Because he loves me (He loves me)”

Gale constantly says the same thing over and over about Mystra and their relationship. He has hope! But he knows she’s going to ‘put [him] back on [her] shelf’ and no longer play with him. She/Tav pulls his string (like Woody/Jessie, pulling their string makes them say their pre-recorded phrases) and he just repeats the idea that he can gain her forgiveness again and that she can love him again. I also relate the ‘repeating myself’ and ‘pull the string’ to one another, too. No matter how many times you pull the string, the doll just repeats the same phrases over and over again. In this case, we know Gale can and does change his tune if you let him, but if he doesn’t and he explodes he keeps the same exact idea for the rest of the game.

“Once I fix me/He's gonna miss me”

crying because Gale consistently thinks that if he does everything Mystra asks that she will forgive him and things can go back to how they were.

“Just say when, I'd play again/He was my best friend down at the sandlot/I felt more when we played pretend/Than with all the Kens/'Cause he took me out of my box”

In a heartbeat, Gale would go back to Mystra and return to their dysfunction. Their relationship was like ‘playing pretend’ and when brought back to reality it was much harsher. He felt more because it was so unrealistic and not expected to last, much like how when you made up stories playing pretend, you would start new ones over and over again. She ‘took [him] out of [his] box’ only to ‘put [him] back on [his] shelf’ but the idea that he was wanted was what made it worth it.

“Stole my tortured heart/Left all these broken parts/Told me I'm better off/But I'm not/I'm not, I'm not”

this is a prevalent theme in all of the album, being ‘stolen’ or ‘taken’ and then being ‘broken’ or ruined, before being casted aside for the idea of being ‘better off’. Gale thinks he’s not better off and would prefer being taken and toyed with, but in reality it’s more beneficial to him. It’s the process of it that hurts.

down bad;

I cannot even begin to comprehend this one. In Taylor’s explanation of this song she states that the metaphor for love-bombing is of an alien taking someone and showing them the galaxy and then sending them home when they really liked it there. And that is just. UGH.

“Did you really beam me up/In a cloud of sparkling dust/Just to do experiments on?/Tell me I was the chosen one/Showed me that this world is bigger than us/Then sent me back where I came from”

THIS. “Tell me i was the chosen one” She did!!! She literally picked Gale as her chosen and then told him to “be contented” as if he wouldn’t be striving for more. She gave him a small slice of godhood and expected him to not want more?

“Now I'm down bad, cryin' at the gym/Everything comes out teenage petulance/"Fuck it if I can't have him"/"I might just die, it would make no difference"”

Gale locked himself in his tower for a whole Year, nearly dying because he was so depressed over everything. Yes, he also nearly died because of the orb, BUT he mostly locked himself away because of his mourning the relationship.

“Down bad, wakin' up in blood/Starin' at the sky, come back and pick me up/Fuck it if I can't have us/I might just not get up, I might stay”

Had Tara not been there, I do not think Gale would’ve lived. 100% he would’ve died after that first year because he refused to get out of bed. He just wanted Mystra and to have the Weave and without that he was willing to die.

“Did you take all my old clothes/Just to leave me here, naked and alone/In a field in my same old town/That somehow seems so hollow now?/They'll say I'm nuts if I talk about/The existence of you”

THIS??? She took away his abilities (his old self) and left him with, essentially, nothing. And then expected him to just be in Waterdeep and be fine? And then when he’s abducted, if you don’t romance him and/or have him explode for you, he LITERALLY gets called crazy for talking about Mystra. Literally. I’m 90% sure you can tell him to shut up when he tells you the truth about the orb.

“I loved your hostile takeovers/Encounters closer and closer/All your indecent exposures/How dare you say that it's—“

AUGH. Whenever Gale talks about Mystra and how she appeared to him, no matter how much she’s hurt him, he still loves her? He still reminisces on those moments with love and adoration for her despite all the pain that came with it. Everything they did he loved, and her tossing him aside Hurt. Also the sadness in her voice as she says “how dare you say it’s—“ because she ALMOST says ‘over’ but it’s choked back because if she says it she’ll start crying. The same with Gale. He knows in his heart that it’s over but this part of him can’t handle the fact that it is and that Mystra would end it like that.

“I'll build you a fort on some planet/Where they can all understand it/How dare you think it's romantic/Leaving me safe and stranded/'Cause fuck it, I was in love/So fuck you if I can't have us/'Cause fuck it, I was in love”

Gale was SO ready to explore more with Mystra and have her in her entirety. Was it a bit selfish trying to be a god to do that? Yes. BUT she literally left him completely alone after having the orb!! He wanted so much with her and wanted to be able to expand his abilities to match her and instead she tossed him aside like she was “helping” him but really she was destroying him. He was so in love with her (and, yes, the weave too) that he would’ve done everything. Then as the game goes on you can see his progression to understanding how she hurt him and how he’s allowed to be angry about it.

so long, london;

this is one of my FAVORITE songs on this album. the intro is so beautiful and so haunting. this song also makes me SO sad.

“I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist/I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift/Pulled him in tighter each time he was driftin' away”

UGH OKAY. Metaphorically, the fairy lights were like that light at the end of the tunnel. But the mist blocks them out, making it hard to tell if there really is this fantasy-like future ahead or if it’s your mind playing tricks on you. With Gale, he wanted so desperately to have a happy ending. And yes, he does eventually get it depending on how you play, but when it comes to Mystra and everything, he really… doesn’t? He tries so hard to carry the ‘rift’ or the breaking of their foundation. Every time Mystra pulls away from him, he tries to pull her close and hold onto that fantasy he thinks he’s going to have.

“My spine split from carrying us up the hill/Wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill/I stopped tryna make him laugh, stopped tryna drill the safe”

CARRYING US UP THE HILL? SISYPHUS (‘thanK you aIMee’ also has a similar lyric that makes me think of sisyphus as well but that will be saved for that song). Punished to forever push that stone up the hill with no end, never being free from the weight. Not only is she trying to push and carry this weight up, she also is soaked and her bones are tired. She has so much on her own plate that trying to keep up this relationship and keep it going is only making everything else worse. In the same sense, Gale kept trying to keep this dying relationship going. Rather than it being easy, everything just kept piling on top of one another and pulling him down more and more. Eventually, he let’s go of it and stops trying to win her over. He stops trying to ‘drill the safe’, or, stops trying to get something that was never his to begin with. Something that is locked away for a reason.

“Thinkin', "How much sad did you think I had/Did you think I had in me?"/Oh, the tragedy/So long, London/You'll find someone”

MYSTRA THINKING HE COULD HANDLE IT ALL? And then just leaving him. Leaving him to deal with it all on his own. The ‘so long, London’ to me is both Gale saying goodbye to the Weave AND Waterdeep. Obviously he returns to Waterdeep (if he doesn’t explode) but it’s not the same as how he went in. He’s much different when he returns. Also, he knows Mystra will find someone else. He has no worries about that. In the same sense, Mystra knows Gale will find someone else too. Even if he’s still holding onto parts of her.

“I didn't opt in to be your odd man out/I founded the club she's heard great things about/I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath”

Gale went into it thinking he would have her forever. At least, his concept of forever. He didn’t want Mystra or the Weave if it meant that, one day, he might be closed out from it all. He left everything behind for her, and yet she left him behind in his tower to rot.

“I stopped CPR, after all, it's no use/The spirit was gone, we would never come to”

He tried so, so incredibly hard to bring the relationship back to life. But, eventually, he had to give up and realize that help wasn’t coming, it was long gone, and he had to let go. “And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free” THIS LYRIC ALONE. And the way Taylor says ‘free’ with the shake in her voice… This is. I feel like, deep down, Gale is genuinely hurt and angry with Mystra for all she did. And not just her, Elminster, too. If someone would’ve realized what was going on, he could’ve been saved. But, instead, he dedicated all his youth, his time, his energy, all to her. All to the Weave. Only for it to mean nothing in the end.

“And you say I abandoned the ship/But I was going down with it/My white-knuckle dying grip/Holding tight to your quiet resentment”

THIS?? Mystra saying that Gale was trying to usurp her authority or take over her magic when in reality all he wanted was to love her? Her accusing him of essentially trying to kill her when really he just wanted to be closer to her. He literally was willing to do anything for her, even after she hurt him he was willing to die for her. He tried holding on so so hard, that ‘white knuckle dying grip’ showing how tightly he was gripping onto this relationship. For better or for worse he was willing to drown if it meant he still had a piece of that relationship.

“And my friends said it isn't right to be scared/Every day of a love affair/Every breath feels like rarest air/When you're not sure if he wants to be there”

UGGHHHHH. Tav telling Gale pretty much that he doesn’t have to do this? He doesn’t have to hold onto Mystra and follow her every beck and call and he has to realize that. Every day Mystra finds someone else or focuses her attention on another Chosen, he’s so scared he’s going to lose her forever. Every moment she doesn’t speak to him or ignores him, he fears he’s going to have everything taken away from him. UGHHH.

“You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues?/I died on the altar waitin' for the proof/You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days”

THIS. LYRIC. TOO. Mystra promised him that she loved him, that she was essentially as devoted to him, but every moment Gale spent waiting for her to prove that, to show the same amount of love that he held for her, she failed him. She left him at the altar alone with all his hopes and dreams. She sacrificed him, or wanted him to sacrifice himself, really, for her. So she could keep going and not have to deal with him anymore.

“And I'm just getting color back into my face/I'm just mad as hell 'cause I loved this place for”

GALE FINALLY BEING ABLE TO BE HIMSELF AGAIN!! When he realizes he can trust Tav and doesn’t need to hide these parts of himself.. and then he tells them his secrets and he apologizes for keeping them but he was so wounded from his last relationship that he doesn’t know what to do. Then he gets color back into his face and he’s finally able to heal from it all. And he’s so mad because he loved the Weave and he loved being so talented with it but it’s all in the past and it’s all lost to him now. Even though he still has it but.. you get the picture. UGHH THIS SONG. THIS SONG!!

If you made it this far, thank you for sticking along! My mind works in weird ways when it comes to analyzing/reviewing lyrics. I tend to take things very literally so some of my interpretations are viewed that way!

Either way, I hope you enjoyed. Be on the lookout for tracks six through ten next!

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caelisfashiondiary · 4 months

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౨ৎ₊˚⊹♡How I would dress "The Tortured Poets Department" Album ₊˚⊹♡₊ ⊹

+ a way to in-depth analysis over some imaginary clothes for a basically imaginary album

2.4.24

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@taylornation

@taylorswift

Edit: this was made before the title tracks dropped! so analysis regarding that will not be in this post, although I will be making a "how I would dress each track title" which should be posted within the next couple of days, it will focus a lot more on the fashion aspect!

INTRODUCTION

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please bear in mind we only have an album cover and a short epigraph! We don't know alot about this album but I'll always be a sucker for album aesthetics and the personification of Taylor albums (@alefvernon im looking at you!) if you think this album will look completely different that's ok! This is just for fun, I can't wait for the actual album to come out to see if I feel different about any of my choices! so here is my interpretation of "The Tortured Poets Department" by @taylorswift !

In order to think of the fashion we might be able to associate with this new album, (not necessarily the style or outfits taylor will wear during this era, just how the aesthetic of the album will feel, and what people will associate it with after listening in full, like how we did with Folklore) we have to look at the cover of the album along with the epigraph.

The Cover

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Now, looking at the title alone, "The Tortured Poets Department" we immediately are aware of the literary asepct of this new album, with the word "Poet" literally being in the title, that alone already gives at least somewhat of an idea of where fashion could go, maybe somewhere in the academia sphere.

After looking at the title, the cover gives a completely different vibe (at least to me) to what I was expecting. Taylor seems to be laying in a bed, with a pair of tight black shorts and a sheer tank. The first thing I thought of when I saw the cover of this album was ancient greek statues, now please bear with me, you're probably saying "how did you even think of the connection" and all I have to say to that is that it was completely off of vibes alone, that's really all there is to it lol. I will say that the color scheme of the light black and white gave me the idea in the first place, compared to her other black and white albums (Reputation and Folklore) this album seems to lean towards the lighter side, whereas Reputation leaned more towards the darker side, and folklore was more a dark gray. I feel like this lean towards a lighter and more bright Black and white will reflect in the album and its choices.

The Epigraph+ The Deluxe CD

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Now onto the epigraph.

"and so I enter into evidence, My tarnished coat of arms My muses, acquired like bruises My talismans and charms the tick tick tick of Love Bombs my veins of pitch black ink All's fair in love and poetry Sincerly, The Chairman of the Tortured Poets Department - Taylor Swift "The Tortured Poets Department"

This little epigraph is once again, leaning into the literary aspect. If we were to take this epigraph extremely seriously (in the terms of fashion and aesthetic) these are the words that stick out to me, and what i gathered from them.

enter into evidence

detective, suit, business professional,

Colors: grays, white, black

tarnished coat of arms

battle, chainlink armor, ancient greek statues (its just the vibe to me ok!?)

Colors: gray and black

talisman and charms

Witchy, magic, supernatural

Colors: light pink, purple, and blue

love bombs

similar to talisman and charms, this reminds me of magic and witchy things. potion, spell,

Colors: light pink, red

veins of pitch black ink

quill pens, fountain pens, feeling so passionate about something that it literally engulfs you

colors: black

This epigraph gives us a slightly better look on what this album will be about, giving a better look and a better idea of what the aesthetic might be like. This album to me so far is really giving a department of detective's trying to solve a case of a lost love, and how to deal with that through poetry. ONCE AGAIN, this is completely my opinion of what we have so far and once we get more info this could change! we're working with scraps right now.

The deluxe CD also influenced my idea of the album concept, the file tab named artifacts, the patches (?) of the logo are giving old school detective department logos, as well as the bonus track being called "manuscript". It's all giving, lets solve a case, (im trying so hard not to think of the scooby doo gang rn)

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So, with all the evidence we've acquired what do I think this albums aesthetic (given by the fans) will look like? I know in my analysis I talked lots about the detective, finding evidence side of it, but really that type of aesthetic is not what I think will be at the forefront of the style of this album, it will no doubt be apart of it, but I am more focused on the Poets part of it.

I think the main focus on the fashion of this album will relate to Poets, spilled ink, and a mess of papers (like you would find in a poets workspace, or a detective's desk.)

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now, we all know that taylor likes to hint at her next era with outfits (for example, how she started hinting at Lover by wearing more pastel colors towards the end of the Reputation era) so lets look at what she's been wearing for the past couple of weeks before the announcement of "The Tortured Poets Department"

As shown above, Taylor has been seen wearing LOTS of plaid the past couple weeks and months, short pleated plaid skirts, with a dark long sleeve top or sweater (you can't tell because of the crop, but in the picture with Selena she is wearing a plaid skirt) and she has recently been rocking a trench coat style coat to go along with these outfits. This gives us an idea of the album as a whole (once again, the rep into lover example, by dressing in lighter more pastel colors, she told us that lover would be brighter and overall "happier" then REP) but what does this transition mean for The Tortured Poets Department"?

Well, plaid is often associated with academia, it is often found in european universities, as well as many schools with uniforms have plaid within the uniform. This tells us once again that she is really leaning into the literary and poetry side for this album (take a shot everytime i say that) the warm colors of the skirts and coats also give a cozy and academic feel to it.

I'm going to take the outfits taylor has recently been shown wearing, and what i took away from what we have so far of the album, and build my outfits that way, so finally....

here is how I would dress "The Tortured Poets Department" by Taylor Swift !

I feel like plaid skirts and layering are KEY to this era, turtlenecks black/white see through tights, vests, mary janes/doc martins are also other pieces that I feel fit the vibe of this album. We have seen taylor wearing pieces like this recently (plaid skirts, sweaters, doc martins/mary janes) so like I said before this could be a hint towards the aura for the new era. I've also seen a lot of people comparing this new era to Folklore, which there are some similarities, in the black and white theme, and how the way the epigraph was written which was very similar to Folklore's writing style; However, I feel that the styles and fashion for these albums will differ extremely. For example....

The Folklore Era was all about loose fitting clothing, though we didn't get to see much of taylor during this era because of the pandemic, it doesnt change the fact that everything that she wore during this era was loose fitting. In comparison to The Tortured Poets Department, where in real life she has been more form fitting with her outfit choices, looking for a more fitted look and showing more skin then she did in the Folklore era, and the cover for TTPD shows exactly that. So though both albums have very similar moods, with both being black and white, and seeming to be literary driven, that does not mean they would be dressed the same, TTPD in my opinion is short plaid skirts, fitted blazers that accentuates your body type, pearl necklaces. The only type of loose fitting clothing I think I could see in this era would have to be matched with a tighter counterpart (ex/ loose sweater with short skirt or loose trousers with a tighter top)

For another compare and contrast with the Folklore Era, I feel like TTPD would wear trench coats like Folklore did, but TTPD would wear them more form fitting and shorter to show off some sheer tights and a black mary jane, or high boot.

Overall, i think TTPD would go for a very classic, academic look. Think pearls, brown leather bags paired with a fur trimmed gloves, slacks and sweaters, circular glasses, silk bows, sweetheart necklines and fitted at the waist maxi dresses, mary janes, loafers, neutrals. with the information we have so far I think TTPD will give us old money chic looks, as well as academia and old hollywood inspired outfits!

So that's that! I hope you enjoyed me rambling on for who knows how many words about this new album which I am SO excited over! I needed to end this at some point before taylor releases more information. (ex/releasing the track titles!!! That already changed my theory a teensy bit) this post ended up being a lot more analysis than I expected, but my next post about how I would dress the Track Titles will be much more focuses soley on the fashion aspect!

tell me what you think!

do you have a different image of TTPD in your head?

what do you think the album will sound like?

I will probably go into this more later and edit if I feel the need, I want to get this out or else I'll write forever. until next time!

#taylor swift #fashion blogger #fashion #taylor alison swift #tswift #swifties #the tortured poets department #ttpd #ts11 #how i would dress #no beta we die like rep TV #ill proof read later #style blogger #blog #new blog

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popbloganddropit · 2 months

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7 days until THE TORTURED POETS DEPARTMENT makes its debut and I wanted to make a little predictions post. I’m so excited to hear the devastation Miss Swift seems to have in store for us and I can’t wait to hear what it sounds like. There’s often a song on the previous album that is an early edition of the subsequent album’s sound. I have 4 guesses that may be a peek at what’s in store next Friday. Since it seems like it may be relevant, these songs are also thematically on trend, however we should always remain alert to Taylor loving a bait and switch.

1) Dear Reader/You’re Losing Me: I think these songs might be a thematic trend for what’s in store. A look at her own faults and things she may have kept hidden to put on a brave face. A breakdown of why a break up happened. However, I suspect that she will have sonically moved on from these two. I do not think she would put out Midnights 2.0.

2) The Great War: an advancement of Folklore, Evermore, and Midnights’ sounds while still being on theme.

3) Hits Different: I’m not 100% sure what to call this genre. Sort of a late 90’s/early 00’s adult contemporary-alt-pop-singer-songwriter Alanis/Natalie Imbruglia/Michelle Branch/vanessa Carleton vibes. Maggie Rogers has really started exploring this space and Olivia Rodrigo’s dipped her toes in a bit as well (anyone else an immediate Girl I’ve Always Been stan?). However, is there enough variety in sounds here for 20 new Swift songs to explore? Maybe not, but a biased me hopes she might dabble a bit more as it’s a really great genre for her to fire off a bunch of killer lines with a bit of sass or sense of humor. There’s also the artifacts/evidence lines in Hits Different and those words have made their way into some of the small amount of information we’ve gotten prior to the albums release.

4) The Alcott: while not from Midnights, this is still in the right time period so it fits in my opinion! Midnights maybe started off with a few songs written with Aaron Dessner before a pivot to full Antonoff based on an interview Aaron gave where he talked about when they worked on Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve. Maybe there were some more things she kept in the drafts for later. A heavier emphasis on the piano (perfect for acoustic surprise songs!), heavy and melancholy vibes, and vague lyrics that might still be protecting some identities seems like an easy pivot for her.

5) Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve: a surprise 5th option I thought of writing number 4! Raw, angry, a bit more rock-influenced, many people were expecting this direction based on the aesthetic of the Midnights photoshoot. Taylor’s in tune with her audience and is certainly aware this is a sound nobody would be sad to see from her. It fits with the emotional space she might have been in, and is another genre pivot she could dominate. She is strategic though, and an Album of the Year nom is pretty unlikely back to back with her record-setting win in a very stacked year. Knowing how successful these full pivots have been for her, she might hold off until a more advantageous time. Although I think post-pandemic cancelled Lover-fest (with possibly Cruel Summer as a single attached?) and the adoration for some of the vault songs has made her not want to hesitate to put out good music. You never know what’s around the corner and it’s easier to stay on top than claw your way back up.

Which vibes are your favorite and what are you hoping for from TTPD? Cowboy Carter review is imminent and I hope to fire off Maggie Rogers’ before next Friday too!

#taylor swift #ts11 #ts11 theories #pop music #swifties #swift theories #the tortured poets department #ttpd prep #ttpd #ttpd predictions #ts ttpd #ttpd era

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otakugoddes · 2 years

Text

"Pretty Boy" Keiji Akaashi x Reader

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Featuring: Keiji Akaashi

Warnings: ⚠️MDNI! Riding, Mentions of blowjobs, Orgasm Denial, Dirty Talk and mild profanity, Overstimulation, Pet names (pretty boy), Implied fem bodied reader.⚠️

Type: SMUT

Scenario: Keiji is just so fucking pretty, and you cant help but wanna turn him into an even prettier mess.

Fem bodied reader (no pronouns)

"My pretty boy"

A/n: He really is fucking pretty and I would die for him. Like he could pour hot soup into my lap and I'd say thank you Keiji-sama (coz I love soup). Dont mind me being a simp for him.

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"You're so pretty...even when you're falling apart under me!" You cooed at Keiji who was currently a whimpering mess beneath you due to being overstimulated.

He was sensitive after being sucked off twice and now being ridden by you like your life depended on it. But somehow you were preventing him from cumming for the past three times in a row, clenching every time he got close and stopping.

"You like this, don't you? You like it when I'm mean and fuck you for my own needs huh?" He heard your words but could only groan out loud when you bounced faster on his aching dick.

He supposed he was being punished for something he did or something he didn't do, but it was torture nonetheless. Being less than an inch close to the pure bliss of releasing and having it stripped from him all because you decided it would be fun to toy with him.

"But I suppose you would be falling apart, since I barely let you cum! You must be oh-so desperate for it, aren't you pretty boy?" You taunted, watching his lips part and those deliciously attractive pants and whimper-come-mewls escape them.

He was a damn Greek god in all his beauty, looking like he stepped out of an aesthetic portrait that ought to be hidden from undeserving, prying eyes.

His silken raven locks now messier than ever sticking to his skin, the apples of his cheeks now flushed with crimson, his soft lips spewing profanities and distorted versions of your name here and there.

But his eyes were holding you in place.

Because by the heavens were those lustful, dazed, teary eyes doing things to you.

"Please...," a soft whisper, almost inaudible over the sound of slapping skin.

You perked up, "What was that pretty boy? Tell me what you want?"

He bit his lip at your sadistic tone, not wanting to say it but desperately wanting to cum this time around.

You saw his hesitation and stilled, stopping riding him.

"I said tell me what you want!" You demanded with a smirk, knowing that stopping was drawing his chance of release away.

You pressed further, leaning closer to him and teasing your slit up and down his throbbing dick, making him pant and whine.

"Please...," he whimpered.

"Please what, pretty boy?" You leaning down and biting his lip.

"Please let me cum baby...please please please let me!" He gave up and begged, begged you like a bitch in heat, which was satisfying to hear your normally composed boyfriend's voice crack and such a high pitch in a whine.

The smirk on your face was definitely showing how the way he begged went to your ego.

"That's my pretty boy!" You chuckled and he gasped aloud when you lowered yourself onto him again and rode him faster than before.

"You gonna cum pretty boy?" You asked him in shaky pants when you felt his dick twitch inside of you.

"G-gonna cum!" He stuttered and you giggled, bouncing off his dick until you felt him shudder and he finally let go (for real this time).

The sound that came from him when he did cum was heavenly, a mix between a whimper and guttural groan.

You got off him and he lay beside him panting for air, just like he was.

"So...pretty! My pretty boy!" You kissed his jawline.

Keiji laid his head on your shoulder and tried to catch his breathe, and if he was being honest....he liked the name "Pretty Boy" waaaaay to much coming from your lips.

And if you liked it, then he'd be your pretty boy.

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#akaashi keiji #keiji x you #akaashi smut #haikyū! smut #keiji akaashi smut #haikyū! scenarios #haikyuboys #haikyu x reader #hq #haikyū imagines

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sophierequests · 2 years

Note

OKAY SONGFIC EVENT IS CLOSING SOON SO I WILL NOW BE SPAMMING YOUR INBOX <3

🌟 - sports by beach bunny with jesper!!!

i could be lonely with you

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Requests

Pairing: Jesper Fahey x gn!Reader

A/N: Lizzzz (@juneberrie, because idk how much you're on your old account anymore), I love that idea!!! And I really adored writing this, even though I think I may have branched out a bit. Ik ik, the song is a bit ambiguous when it comes to happy ending or not, but I can't write too much Jesper angst or I'll cry, so have this. As always, thank you so much for requesting this, and I hope you like it <333 Also, how are y'all liking my new post aesthetic?

Summary: The reader is tired of waiting for Jesper to figure his feelings out, but letting him go isn't an option either.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

Word Count: 3.7K

Warnings: alcohol, getting drunk, love, possible reaction, happy endings (yuck)

"You're drinking alone? Without me?" Your reason for choosing to get drunk alone in the first place appeared in front of you all of a sudden. Even though the Crow Club was filled to the brim with gamblers, he still had managed to spot you, and now he was here to make you regret ever leaving the safety of your room. Sometimes you wondered if he did all of this just to purposefully vex you.

"Drinking alone sort of implies not having any company, Jesper.” You murmured, taking another sip from your glass of whiskey, avoiding his gaze as best as you could. But of course, the Saints weren’t merciful enough to grant you some peace and quiet. Without asking, he took the drink from your hands and put it to his lips. The same glass that touched your lips only mere seconds earlier. Well, also the same lips that were on yours only mere hours earlier. Saints.

“I guess we’ll have to change that.” It was then that you noticed the slight slur in his speech. He had already been tipsy before coming here, that was probably the only reason for him to talk to you right now. “Why don’t you come and join me at the card table? I could need a lucky charm.” His tone was distinctly flirtatious, and normally you would have instantly latched on to every syllable, but not now. Not after today.

“Sorry, Jesper. I’m not really in the mood for your games right now.” The double entendre went unnoticed considering he solely seemed to care about the missed opportunity of having you sit around while he gambles away the majority of his money. The corners of his mouth were turned downwards as he gave you an almost tortured groan in reaction to your rejection. And as much as you would have liked to accompany him, being close to him - this close to him - was not going to work.

“Not even for half an hour? I always play better when you’re around.” A wink followed his questionable statement, but you were set on not allowing him to lure you in again.

“Nope. Go and ask Wylan. He’d probably be up for it.” Wow, great work. Now you really ruined it for yourself with your bitterness.

“Wylan’s not into all of that. And Wylan also isn’t you.” Saints, how much you wanted to punch him in his perfectly straight teeth just to swipe that awfully smug look off his face.

“Jesper, I just don’t feel like joining you today.”

“Oh come on, Y/N. After that job today I’m in need of a pick-me-up. Please?” Something inside you snapped at that point. Why couldn’t he just take a damn hint and leave you alone for once?

“And I’m in the need to get drunk and not be bothered by someone that doesn’t even know what he wants!” You wanted to take back the words as soon as they left your mouth. His behaviour was incredibly infuriating, however, that didn’t give you permission to lash out at him, nor to blame him for your feelings. You didn’t dwell on that sentiment for too long though, since before he could even begin to give you any type of response, you stood up and made your way towards the exit. He didn’t follow.

This man would eventually be the death of you if you didn’t

You hated the way he made you feel. The way every smile and touch coming from him made your heart spin. The way he always came to be at your side whenever you needed it. The way he put his arms around you so casually, even when it made your heart double its pace. Every single happy or comforting memory you had of him was terribly tainted by the fact that he just could be clear with his intentions.

The two of you had always been close, that was no secret. He was flirty, touchy and quite possibly one of the worst people to have a crush on. At first, the flirting between you had been completely innocent - as innocent as Jesper’s jokes could be - but over time, there seemed to be some hint of truth behind every cheeky comment or whispered flattery. You saw it in the glint of his eyes or the change of his breathing whenever you would reciprocate his advances.

However, Jesper was also terribly brash and constantly chasing a new high. He didn’t settle, or even show any interest in doing so. Love was a gamble and he was an addict. But just like every other addict, he could never have enough. And you were starting to get tired of waiting for him to figure it out. Because in contrast to him, your feelings were more than clear. You had confessed them to him after a drunken night out, and couldn’t look him straight in the eyes for weeks after that. He didn’t give you a concrete answer after that, only making it his mission to close your tab and bring you back home safely. Much to your surprise, that barely changed the relationship you had. His flirty comments did get a bit more genuine, but you just chalked his behaviour up to being the softest way to let you down. You should have been thankful for him not brutally crushing you with the inevitable rejection, but at the same time, him stringing you along like this only managed to agitate you more. You weren’t sure whether you just wanted him to outright tell you that he didn’t feel the same or whether you wanted to stay in the feeling of blissful ignorance induced by his teasing.

Today’s job had only been the icing on top of the cake.

“Why do we always have to be the decoy? Handsome decoy is not a Jesper talent.” The sharpshooter whined as he fumbled with the buttons of his emerald green vest. It looked a bit too tight for him, yet, he still pulled the look off amazingly well. If you hadn’t known that there were two revolvers tucked away in the holsters of his trousers, you wouldn’t have even begun to question his presence at this merchant’s banquet.

“But you do it so beautifully, Jes.” You grinned, giving him a playful slap to his biceps, which was even more pronounced by the tight white shirt he wore underneath his jacket. If Kaz would be listening in on your conversation, he would probably give both of you a whack with his cane and tell you to focus on the job at hand.

“I’m aware, but doing something beautifully isn’t the same as doing something skillfully.”

“That almost sounds like you’re talking about your attempts at flirting.”

“I beg your pardon? My flirting is as skilled as it can be, thank you very much! And for your information, flirting isn’t easy. Especially if it’s your job.” He explained, an overly serious expression on his face.

“Of course. It must be very hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pick-up line.”

“Brutal.”

You laughed, hoping that other people wouldn’t catch on to your ill-fitting jolly mood. Thankfully, you were only there to stand watch and not to do the actual dirty work. You were certain that wouldn’t have ended well for any of you. But from where you were standing, close to one of the three entrances to the banquet hall, no one did necessarily care about you. At least not until now.

Inej’s voice coming up from behind you almost made you pull out the dagger strapped to your leg, but Jesper was quick to seize your upper arm. Something seemingly went wrong, judging by her guarded expression, and you were on the edge to find out what she wanted to tell you.

“I have the intel.” Her breathing was ragged, as she threw unnerved glances behind her now and then. “They have seen me and I’m very very sure that they know who we are. We have to leave, but we can’t take the same route. You take this entrance, and I go out through the west one.”

“Inej, we-”

“No. Go.” With that, she had already disappeared into the crowd of wealthy sellers and merchants that still seemed to be utterly oblivious to what had just happened.

“Saints, Kaz’s attitude has been rubbing off on her,” Jesper grumbled, his hand still on your upper arm, only with a way softer grip. You couldn’t spend too much time appreciating his humour, since as soon as you let your eyes fly over the room again, you spotted three men in uniform crossing the hall. Even though they hadn’t seen you yet, they were definitely making their way towards your entrance.

“I think it’s time to go.” You yanked his hand away from your shoulder and took it in your own, before hurrying out the door. The Stadwatch was fast. Way faster than the two of you. And if they caught sight of your faces, you could only pray.

“What are you doing?” Jesper hissed, as he tried to keep up with your pace. The mansion was a maze and it was best to move through it as quickly as you could.

“Stadwatch. They’re coming towards us.”

“Stadwatch? Are you insane? We can never outrun them!” He slowed down ever so slightly, hanging onto you like an anchor.

“We have to try, Jes. Unless you have the intention of sleeping in a cosy cell in Hellgate tonight.”

“No, we can’t outrun them, Y/N. We have to hide.”

“Hide? Jesper, are you mad? Where do you want to hide?”

“Not where. How.” He retorted, pulling you into a rather secluded corridor as you heard steady footsteps approaching. Your back hit the cold cold wall whilst Jesper towered over you, his chest flushed against yours. His head was cocked slightly to the side in order to have a better view of the Stadwatch approaching. When they seemed to be only a few moments away from seeing you, he turned to look at you.

“Just play along.” He whispered, his hot breath fanning over your face, which was mere inches away from meeting yours. Your hands were on his upper arms in an attempt to put a bit of distance between you, however, that seemed to be the complete opposite of what he had in mind.

“Play along with wh-” You didn’t even get to finish your sentence before his lips clashing against yours cut you off. Everything happened so quickly that your brain just stopped working. His hands lingered on your waist, and the longer the kiss lasted, the dizzier you felt. You had to force your eyes shut to not get too invested in it. Kissing him was something you had always wanted to do, but now that it was finally happening, you didn’t know what to do with yourself.

Just play along.

You recalled his words. Up until this second, your hands were still on his arms, looking as if you were close to pushing him away. Without thinking about it, you threw your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer into the kiss, which you were now actively returning. As you did, you heard a muffled yelp coming from his mouth.

The steps that had been approaching slowed down as they passed you, but they didn’t stop. You felt your heartbeat speed up, and through the close proximity to Jesper, you could feel his heart doing the same. When the rhythmic clomping of their boots eventually became inaudible, he pulled away, leaning to the side in order to peek out into the adjacent hallway. His hands didn’t let go of your waist as he assessed your chances of getting out unnoticed, and you were thankful for that. You imagined that if he would dare to let go, your knees would probably give in.

“We’re in the clear.” He huffed, turning his face back to you with a devious grin. You saw him sober up a bit as he looked down at your dumbfounded face. Of course this meant nothing to him, you thought. He could continue on with his day just as if nothing happened, while you were left with the situation playing on repeat in your head. “Are you alright?”

“Yes. Just a bit dizzy.” You breathed. He was still close. Too close.

“I have that effect on people.” He didn’t give you much time to recuperate before reaching for your hand again and rushing towards the exit.

The kiss wouldn’t leave your mind, no matter how hard you tried to forget. You could still feel the pressure of his hands on your waist and taste the bitter tang of kvas on his lips. Running away from him didn’t necessarily help the knife twisting in your chest.

Since you couldn’t bear the feeling of loneliness that you got in your room, you resorted to the only retreat you knew - the roof. It was a stupid idea. Inej would have probably called you daft for going out there at night, especially not during fall. The roof was slippery and it wasn’t unlikely for the wind to pick up. But you just needed to be alone. Completely alone.

Without much thought, you sat down on one of the flat platforms, not caring about the way the wet tiles dampened your clothes. You looked down onto the streets of Ketterdam, focussing on all the little details. They weren’t what one would call crowded, however, enough drunkards and gamblers still staggered through the streets, either to find their way home or to find their way back to the next pub. You would give everything to just be in the shows of some poor drunk bastard whose only worry was what drink he should order next.

“You really have lost your mind, didn’t you?” A shaky voice emerged from a hatch that led out to the rooftop. You angled your head to look at the person wobbling over the slick tiles to get closer to you. Jesper wasn’t particularly fond of climbing or doing tasks that would rather be fit for Inej, so he obviously wasn’t very good at it. You would also suggest that he may have a fear of heights, which he vehemently denied.

“Get off the roof before you fall.” You demanded, anxiously watching him as he threatened to lose his balance.

“Will you join me inside if I do?”

“No, but-”

“Then it’s not happening, love.” You scooted a bit to the side, as he reached the scaffold, giving him some space to calm down. The light up here was pretty sparse and only now you could that he had immensely dressed down from what he wore before. Well, it was a dress-down for Jesper Fahey. He had removed his vest and most of the usual accessories, only being left with his white dressing shirt, brown suspended pants and the thick coat that had always been a little bit too baggy on him.

“Jesper,” You started but didn’t continue. What would you say? How could you even begin to apologize for your embarrassing outburst?

“Do you have any idea how cold it is up here?” You hadn’t even noticed the numbness of your fingers or the constant clattering of your teeth. It was a distraction, that was now completely unnecessary. He sat down next to you, eying you as if he was looking at a ghost. And as if he had to convince himself that you were, in fact, alive, his hand moved to touch yours. He flinched as his warm fingers met yours. You really must feel frigid. “Saints, you’re freezing.” Jesper shrugged off his jacket without a second thought, draping it over your shoulders and not giving in to your meek form of protest.

“Jesper, please.” What were you asking for? For him to leave you alone? For him to stop this lovey-dovey caring act? For him to finally reject you? “Please let me be alone for a bit.”

“I should leave you out here alone? To get sick? To fall off the roof? Absolutely not.” He rambled, scanning over your features, worry embedded in his gaze. “If you don’t want me to talk about it, I won’t talk. That’s fine, we can be lonely together. But I’m not letting you be miserable on top of a roof without supervision.” Why was he so damn complicated?

“Talk.” The word left your mouth before you could stop it.

“What?”

“Just…talk about whatever you came here to talk about. Talk, ask, yell, do whatever you want. Just get it over with, please.” Even though he definitely wasn’t pleased with your current sentiments, he gave you a subtle nod.

“I’m sorry if I upset you by asking you to join me earlier. You looked so unhappy, and I thought that it might cheer you up. I didn’t mean to be so stubborn.” Why was he the one to apologize to you now?

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Jes.” You sighed, facing him fully to at least grant him that decorum. The moonlight made him look ethereal. His gray eyes, which were still surrounded by an uneasy frown, basically pierced through you. Only the most prominent of his features were illuminated by the blue-ish light, making him look like some sort of mystical being. The fact that someone looking like him was currently preparing to reject you would make things a bit easier, you hoped. “I was a bit overwhelmed and I didn’t react properly. It’s not your fault.”

“Y/N, what is going on? Did I say something you didn’t like? If you tell me what it was I’ll stop.” Well, depends if kissing me and then just acting like nothing happened counts. “You started avoiding me after the job today and I don’t know what-” Realization dawned on him as he cut himself off. This was the part where you’d get hurt.

“It has nothing to do with you, I-”

“It was the kiss, wasn’t it?” An unfamiliar emotion travelled over his face, as he began to put two and two together. “I promise that I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, that was never my intention. It was just a means to an end and I’ll stop the flirting if that is what would make you feel better.”

“That’s the problem.” You whispered, not thinking that he would be able to hear it.

“What do you mean?”

Maybe it was time to rip off that bandaid.

“Maybe the fact that the kiss basically meant nothing to you is my problem. Your flirting isn’t the issue, it’s that you do it without feeling anything whilst doing it. I just need you to tell me that you don’t feel the same and then I can move on. But I can’t keep going like this. It’s driving me insane.”

“Feel the same? What are you saying?” This was not going well, was it? How could he be so oblivious?

“I love you, Jesper, okay? I love you, and it kills me that you continue to act as if we could just go on like normal whilst ignoring that fact.”

“You love me?” He looked shocked. Why the fuck did he look shocked?

“Yes? I already told you months ago?” Was he seriously toying with you while you were close to tears?

“You were drunk, I thought…I thought you didn’t mean it!”

“If everything we said whilst being drunk had been a lie, we would barely know each other.” You commented bitterly, waiting for his reaction.

Jesper smiled. Not an uncomfortable or polite smile, but a real toothy grin. A smile that he would normally have after coming back from a successful heist or after winning a round of Three Man Bramble once in a while. Also a smile he wouldn’t just give anyone.

“So the only reason for you being distant after kissing me was because you thought that I didn’t like you back?”

“Way to rub it in, Jesper.”

“And I thought that you just didn’t want to kiss me.” Saints, how you wanted to wipe that self-satisfied grin off his face…

“I didn’t. Not like that. Not when I know that the feelings are one-sided.” You replied groggily. Sometimes you hated how easy it was for him to wind you up. “And you’re really not making things any-”

You felt a tug at the collar of his coat, gently pulling you closer to him. It was almost like a déjà vu - him cutting you off in the middle of a sentence. But this time, it seemed to be completely genuine. Again, his hands moved under his jacket to hold onto your waist, the warmth of his palms giving you a certain fuzzy feeling in the pit of your stomach. With much less hesitation than the last time, you reached for the nape of his neck, only diving deeper into the kiss. His lips felt warm against yours a stark contrast to the harsh wind that previously assaulted you.

Even though you would’ve wanted the kiss to continue forever, at some point it was time for you to break apart. Your eyes were still closed when you pulled away, fearful that all of this would prove to be one of his cruel little games.

“Did you prefer it like that?” He asked, enticing you to slowly peel open your eyes. His eyebrows were raised as he stared at you expectantly.

“Does that mean that…”

“Yes. Since I assume that my constant flirting wasn’t enough to make that clear, I am in love with you, too.” He chuckled, giving you an incredulous look as if it had been more than obvious that he felt that way.

“It’s not exactly that obvious when you flirt with basically everyone.”

“Do you want me to kiss you again? Just to make my point clear, of course.”

“I think I’m in need of some more convincing so that would probably be a good way to bring your point across.”

“How could I deny you?” He smirked, his eyes drifting from your eyes to your lips before another gust of wind caused him to shiver. “But we’re definitely going inside after. I’m not in the mood to become a walking icicle.”

Taglist:

Grishaverse fics in general: @yesshewrites1 @dal-light

Jesper Fahey: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @writingmysanity @fall-writes

#jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey #jesper fahey imagine #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagine #six of crows #six of crows duology #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone

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ashes-writing · 1 year

Text

stranger things ● summer of 86 pt 3 ● e.munson

warnings

blatant disregard for season 1 through 4 canon. Forget what you think you know because it doesn't exist here. mentions of bullying / confrontations and small town gossip. mentions of alcohol/smoking and other vices. eventual filth. eventual overload of PDA, holy shit. barb and robin are gay and we're all here for it, alright? + the internalized angst and fears that go along with being gay in the 80's. small town and their crappy mindsets and the way everyone talks and judges everyone. gifted kid burnout / hints of reader having had recent struggles with her own future.

reader/you are female. you/reader are also the oldest Byers, putting you at 21. you/reader are also very confident in yourself despite a past track record of clearly not being that. you/reader have female parts / a certain personality and appearance aesthetic you enjoy now. listen, i left this as vague as possible but know this is me being a self indulgent little shit, so... if less than vague readers aren't your thing, friend..

word count

2640 exactly. If you need context for this, you can find ( part 3 ) here.

(( I am.. fully in the grips of all my bullshit. ))

summary

it's the summer of 86. eddie's just trying to figure his way through his 'adult' life and all the freedom that goes along with. you're back in hawkins for the first time since at least 84, on the heels of a bad breakup and your spur of the moment to drop out of college in your second year. they say people meet each other when they're most needed, right?

taglist + shoutouts

-- taglist is ( here ) if you want to be added, please click or let me know to add you. if you signed on to this for gareth/steve other character content and you don't wanna be tagged in Eddie things, also let me know.

@eddiemunsonspantschain i had to tag you in this. i had to, okay? it's our guy. Feel free to ignore, babes!

@tbmunson babe.. bestie.. babessss.. this is all you because you didn't talk me out of starting this one. I hope you know you're my inspiration and i looove youuuu.

@allelitesmut your tags mean the world to me omfg. you have no idea how good you make me feel. i'm glad you like my writing and I hope you like this too.

@caravelofthesun

@chaoticcancer

@dylanwritesgood

@just-a-blue-nerd

@slyisbehindyou