#my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself

[this-doesnt-endd]

I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors

#my moms dad and my dads mom were like the heads of their families and they both died really close to each other #but my grandma and a tio on my moms side died within 3 days of each other after being in hospice literally 3 doors away from each other #for months and my parents both took the roles of like taking care of everything and being the descision makers cause no one else would #which im sure was super traumatizing in everyway possible but their siblings both seemed to resent them in ways #when they didnt want to be those people but had to be and they arent even the oldest siblings they are both like 3rd youngest #but like it just ruined the families and me and mom and my dad were all at the hospital or hospice center for months #we were there every day and night i remember it so much i can get anywhere in any hospital in my town using the stairwells #like i knew them that well #it also likely ruined my parents marriage which was bumpy before the intense major tragedy #which like yaknow what fair it was a lot to deal with ontop of like trying to crawl ur way out of the recession #but after all was said and done i talk to no one on my dads side i bearly talk to my older brother #and i talk to like my nina and two tias on my moms side and occassionally a few cousins #when theyre arent being fucking insane and unhinged #idk i loved having a huge family the like going to 5 houses on christmas type #going to birthdays or weddings and seeing everyone taking at least 45 mins to say bye to everyone #and now its gone and i wont ever get it back #and its by no fault of my own cause i was literally 11 and every adult decided i was gonna pay the price too #like i think abt when i get married its not gonna be what i thought itd be or when i get my first movie in theatres #im not gonna have the major family celebration ill have all my friends which im so greafull for #but its not the same yaknow #and id love to have that relatiomship with my family again but like where do u start when its been over 10+ years #like they remember 11 year old me if they remember me #and thats part of the problem #like on my moms side specifically i have some family who acts like theyve never met me before when i used to see them every weekend #and it was a major failing on my part as an 11 year old for not keeping in touch even tho we did my mom calls everyone and she tried #but people didnt want to return it #and as for my dads side its the same and if it was a moral failing for me as an 11 yr old to not reach out and they didnt like my mom much #my grandma fucking loved her but the rest of the family didnt and like i lived w my mom and was fucking 11 i couldnt go anhwhere by myself #and i didnt like not being places without a parent and i hated sleepovers i refused and they took it so personal #and they stopped talking to my dad and bad mouthed him and still do nd ill never allow that around me my dad isnt perfect but hes a good man

[gaviymarcsbride]

Hi! Me topé con tu cuenta and I loved the lil Gavi shot. Saw you're Venezuelan. Yo también lo soy🇻🇪🤟 I have thought about this and it gives me all kind of emotions, could you do a Gavi one shot where reader, his gf, is Venezuelan so, sometimes she goes and says stuff like: Ladilla, c-ño, pana and the things we say all the time, including with the accent we have (que no sea maracucho plis), and basically how Gavi is loco for her y su léxico? Maybe, he picks n says some things too? Plis, thanks

A/N: I screamed out of happiness when I read this request because yes. I tried so discúlpame if you didn't like it. And yes, no fucking way was I gonna use a maracucho accent I love them but also hate them with a passion.

And my English speaking audience: sorry for the horrible translations

"Coño!" (Fuck!) You exclaimed after accidentally touching the hot pan. "Gavi, me traes esa vaina que esta ahi" (Gavi can you bring me that thing over there) you said signaling with your head to the beef you just finished preparing for the arepas you were trying to make.

And let's just say, you wish your grandma was here in this exact moment.

"Recuerdame que significa vaina otra vez mi amor?"(Remind me what vaina means again, my love? He faked ignorance as if he didn't google a bunch of venezuelan words to appease you and your family.

Gavi snickered. He loved it when your venezuelan slang randomly came out, like you couldn't control. It always made his day.

"Pablo no tengo tiempo para esto, mi familia nos viene a visitar, así que necesito que todo este en order o-" (Pablo i don't have the time for this, my family is coming to visit, and I need everything to be in order or-) he cut you off with a kiss, like he always did to get you calm down, these family reunions always stresses you out, but he was here through all of it.

He turned the stove off and flipped the arepas to make sure they didnt burn before picking you up and setting you on the counter. "Cielo, y si te tomas un descanso y esperamos que llegue tu mama a ayudarte con la comida porque necesito todo la energía posible para soportar la ladilla de tu hermano y tu papa" (Sky, what if you take a break and we wait for your mom to help out with the food because I'm gonna need all the energy I can get to get through an evening with your brother and your dad)

Now it was your turn to snicker. Being raised as a Real Madrid fan came to many arguments as to which team was better, especially from your die-hard fan dad. "Lo se, todavía recuerdo la cara que puso cuando se entero que salía con un jugador del barça"(I know, i can still remember his face when he found out i'm dating a barça player) you both laughed at the face you made when you said barça.

"Bueno, que voy hacer si su hija es burda de buena" (well what can I do when his daughter is hella hot) he said inching his face towards you to leave a passionate kiss on your lips.

Until you were interrupted by the doorbell. Of course you both thought.

You were met by your family and surprisingly Pedri, that came to drop off something Pablo forgot in his car, but as soon as you mentioned the Arepas you were making he couldn't help but join in.

The rest of the evening was spent making jokes, your brother and dad teasing the number 6 just as you predicted, and with Gavi showing his new vocabulary to impress your parents.

#pablo gavi x reader #pablo gavi imagine #pablo gavi fluff #Alewrites #venezuelan reader

[samaraj]

Title - I need a hero

Pairings - Reader x Sy

Summary - Reader is a psychiatrist who’s devoted years to working with soldiers suffering from PTSD. She helped Sy recover and adjust back to life outside of the military. But after the loss of her parents she finds herself on the other side, slowly sinking. She needs a hero.

Warnings - Angst, loss of family

“Love? It’s going to be alright”. Your grandma smoothed back your auburn hair as you lay on the sofa. You were exhausted after the service and your face was sticky from where the tears had dried. You felt her gently remove your shoes from your feet. Her familiar hands softly stroking your calves as she tried to soothe you like she did when you were a child.

“I should be looking after you Nan”. You turned to look at the old woman’s face. “You lost your daughter and your son in law”.

“And you lost your parents sweetheart”. Your grandma wiped her eyes. “No matter how old you are, you’ll always be my grand baby”.

“I love you Nan”.

“I love you more”.

For awhile she just sat near you, occasionally rubbing your lower back, while you both got lost in your own thoughts.

“Why? Nan why?”. You whispered. “Some crazy kid gets high and decides to drive .. ends up killing them. Destroying our entire family with one bad decision”.

“I know sweetheart”. Your grandma paused. “Life just isn’t fair”.

“I’ve lost both of my parents at once”. You cried into the pillow. “One moment and my whole life has changed”.

“I’m here. Grandpa is here too love”.

“You don’t live here. You’ll have to go home soon Nan. I have no other family!” You sucked in a deep breath and instantly felt terrible for voicing your thoughts. You were an adult and you needed to get yourself together.

“We can move darling. Don’t you fret”. Your grandma kissed your head. “You just stop worrying. Grandpa and I can sell the farmhouse …”

“No Nan! I don’t … mum wouldn’t have wanted that”. You sniffed and rubbed your eyes. “You know how mum felt about that farm”.

“She loved you more than some darn farm”.

“Jesus”. You covered your face with your hands. “I need to get myself together. I’m 29 years old for fucks sake!”

“Watch your language sweetheart. You know how I feel about ladies who cuss”.

“Sorry Nan ..I just ..I have to get myself together”.

“No love. You have to grieve, be gentle with yourself. You need time love”. Your Grandma took your face in her old hands. “Now you listen to me love ok? Time .. you need to just let yourself feel all these emotions and you need to heal. You’re not rushing back to life or work .. I won’t allow it you hear me?”

You nodded then jumped when you heard a knock on your door. You got up slowly wondering who it could be? You’d said farewell to the last of your visitors hours ago.

“I wasn’t expecting company”. You glanced at your grandma who slowly made her way over to your door. “Grandpa might have lost his key again?”

A few moments later and you almost did a double take seeing Syverson standing in your living room holding a bouquet of white roses. He was a big man in uniform, but in jeans and a tight fitted t shirt he looked even bigger.

“Sy?” You noticed that your grandma disappeared into the kitchen. “What are you ..”

“Heard about the accident”. Sy slowly held the flowers out to you. “I just .. needed to see you. I wanted to tell you how sorry I was and .. well I just needed to check on you”.

You took the flowers and immediately bought them to your nose. Their aroma was heavenly.

“Thank you Sy”.

“Heard the service was this morning”.

“Yes”.

“I’m sorry”. Sy glanced at his feet for a moment. “I’m not good with words”.

“It’s ok .. I don’t feel like talking”.

“Right .. well I’ll get out of your hair”. He turned to leave but stopped when you spoke.

“Didnt say i wanted you to go”.

“You don’t?”

“No i just .. I’m a complete mess right now and ..”

Before you could continue Sy grabbed hold of your shoulders and pulled you close against his chest. One hand held your back while the other rested against your head.

“We’ll you’re allowed to be a mess Sugar”.

“I’m not used to being like this .. I’m normally ..”

“Dealing with head cases like myself?”

“You’ve never been a headcase”.

“You’re a bad liar”. Sy chuckled. “I was so fucked up. You helped me and … I’d like to help you”.

“Sy ..”

“No you just listen ok? I’m here for you. I’m not ..in the Military now. I’m back home and there’s no professional red tape .. it’s just me”.

“I’m not used to accepting help .. I just spent the morning pushing my friends away”. You glanced up at Sy.

“Well we’re not just friends are we? Don’t know what we are .. You were my psychiatrist. Does it even fucking matter? Just … let your guard down”.

Your grandma appeared with a tray of tea and freshly baked cookies. She smiled softly as Sy moved to take the tray from her.

“Oh thank you dear. I’m the grandma”.

“Syverson … but Sy is just fine”. Sy smiled warmly. “I just wanted to pay my respects. I’m real sorry for your loss Mam. Your granddaughter here helped me a lot … I’m ex military”.

“Thank you dear”. Your grandma paused. “I’m glad she helped you and thank you for your service”.

“You’re welcome Mam”.

“Darling are you ok if I head on out? Your grandpa just bought the car around. We’re going fo a bit of a drive .. just need to get some fresh air after this morning. That is if you’ll be ok here with Sy?”

You eyed your grandmother suspiciously but nodded before walking over to the window and checking for your grandfathers car. When you saw him you waved.

“Ok grandma. I’ll see you a bit later on?”

“Of course love”.

You felt the warmth of your grandmothers arms before you walked her to the door. You smiled at Sy as you passed him and told him to sit down on your lounge area.

“He’s a lovely young man”.

“Grandma please!” You rolled your eyes as she closed the door behind herself. You took a moment and rested your forehead against the door, smiling to yourself. Your grandma really was the sweetest woman.

“I’m back”. You sat down in the sofa next to Sy and immediately tucked your legs in. He handed you a cup of tea and you thanked him before bringing the mug to your lips.

“This is good tea”. Sy commented.

“Yeah Nan knows her tea”. You smiled and pointed at the cookies. “Try those. They’re her famous sugar cookies. Normally she makes them on Christmas but … she knows how much I love them”.

“Your Nan lives by?” Sy stuffed a cookie into his mouth. “These are amazing by the way”.

“My grandparents live on a farm .. a few hours drive. They’ve lived there since before I was born”.

“Other family?”

“My mum was an only child. My Dad had a younger brother but he died when he was young”. You paused. “My dads parents passed away when I was a baby”.

“Right .. well your lucky to have your two lovely grandparents”. Sy smiled. “And visiting their farm every now and then would be nice … get away from the busy city life”.

“Yeah ..” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I just .. feel so odd right now. Like I’m scared of being alone”.

“Hey”. Sy moved closer. “That’s not odd and you’re not alone”.

“I’m a mess”. You breathed in deeply.

“You’re allowed to be”. Sy reached for your hand. “You’re used to dealing with head cases like myself … sometimes you’re going to be in a position where you’re not so strong yourself”.

“Sy thank you”. You studied his face. “For the visit and the flowers .. it was really nice of you. But trust me I’ll be ok. I just need some time to process things .. but then I .. well I’ll be back at work”.

“You really have no idea ..” Sy scratched his head. “Your boss won’t give you time off?”

“No my boss has been great. He told me to take leave ..”

“Then do it. Take your time .. I don’t .. I don’t start work for a few weeks?”

“What are you saying?” You were confused. You watched him fidget with the rim of his mug.

“If you don’t mind company … I’d like to spend time with you”

“Spend time with me?” You chewed on your bottom lip. “With me?”

“Yeah .. you’d be doing me a favor too. Otherwise I’d just be wasting my time tinkering with some old motorbikes I’ve got lying around”. Sy smiled at you. “So what do you say?”

“Ok?” You stammered. “I might not be the best company though?”

“I might not be either”.

“I’ve just .. well .. my parents just died”. You blurted out.

“And I’ve just started sleeping at night. Some nights I still wake up screaming”. Sy stared at you. “You helped me. Let me .. let me be there please?”

The weeks that followed bought you many things - peace, closure and friendship. You shared many days and nights with Sy and when you were feeling down he’d always call you. A few times you fell asleep to the sound of his voice at night.

One night he’d opened up to you while you cuddled up in your bed, phone rested against you ear. He told you about the things he saw during his time in the military that still haunted him and admitted to you that he’d wrote a letter to his parents that he kept in his bag - just in case he never made it home.

More weeks past and you noticed a shift between you both. You smiled more. You eyes seemed to hold his gaze. Talking about your parents didn’t make you sob uncontrollably - yes you were still heartbroken, but Sy was encouraging you to do some of the things your parents enjoyed doing. So you did - you read your mum’s book collection, took Sy along the hiking trails your Dad used to walk on, went fishing on the lake and started following your mum’s cake receipes with your Nan.

One day you were mixing the batter of your mums famous chocolate cake with your grandma in the kitchen when it suddenly dawned on you..

“Nan I think I’ll be ok if you and grandpa head back to the farm”.

“Love I told you before ..”

“Nan I’m ok”. You paused. “It’s not the same but you were right … I needed this time. What happened has been a lot to process”.

“Sy has been a big help”. Your grandma smiled softly. “He’s a lovely man”.

“Yeah he is”.

“Love … do you like him?”

“Sy? Oh .. I used to help him .. it’s complicated”.

“Why is it complicated?”

“Well … he’s just .. trying to help because I helped him you know?” You avoided your grandmas gaze as you spooned the batter into the greased pan. “He’s just a nice guy that’s all”.

“You think that’s he’s been hanging around for the past 6 weeks just because he owed you a favour?”

“Nan …”

“Sweetie … I think he’s a lovely young man. And maybe yes that was his original intention, but I think things have changed. I may be old but I see the way he looks at you”.

“Oh Nan ..”

“And you look at him the same way”.

You paused and looked up at the old woman’s smiling face. You smiled then rolled your eyes.

“Nan I’m not ready .. I just lost mum and dad”.

“You think there’s a time? I met your grandfather the same day the neighbours son kissed me. I didn’t like him at all. Your grandfather was helping to build the farm across from us and saw me upset. We got talking and the rest is history”.

“I never new that!” You laughed. “The neighbors son kissed you?”

“Roger”. Your grandma shook her head. “Nice enough boy but there was no … chemistry there. So what I’m trying to say is that I know those looks love. I can see it”.

You sighed and put the cake into the oven. You knew better than to argue with your grandmother.

“I’m sure he’s … taken. Maybe he has someone … maybe long distance since he’s moved a lot”. You blurted out.

“Has someone?” Your grandmother laughed. “Love .. you think he’d be spending all this time with you if he had someone else he was sweet on?”

“Maybe he’s not looking Nan .. he’s been through a lot. Leaving the army, moving back here .. starting a new job”.

“Quit making excuses sweetie! Just see what happens! Open that beautiful heart of yours”. Your grandma hugged you.

“Ok ok”. You relaxed into her embrace. “Promise me you’ll go back to the farm please? I’m so grateful to you both but I’m navigating things. I’m ok Nan”. You held her gaze until she smiled and the little wrinkles around her eyes deepened. She nodded and you hugged her again.

You decided to frost your cake and take it to Sy’s as a surprise. He didn’t know that you were coming but you hoped that he would be home. You saw his truck so quickly rang the bell holding the cake platter in front of you. The smile on your face faded when a woman opened the door.

“Uh hello? Can I help you?” The blonde smiled warmly but your stomach turned into knots. She was stunning.

“Oh I .. I was just ..” You suddenly felt light headed. How stupid could you have been? He was just being polite. He had someone he was dating. He just wanted to repay you for helping him .. like you were some long overdue debt.

“Were you after Sy?”

“Here”. You shoved the cake into the blondes hands. “Enjoy that. I baked it .. god knows why I showed up here with a stupid fucking cake anyway”.

“Whoa!” The blonde tried to reach for your arm. “Hey, I’ll just ..”

“I’ve got to go”. You quickly rushed to your car, ignoring the woman’s feeble attempts to explain .. whatever the situation was. You felt incredibly stupid knowing that you’d interrupted Sy. Or was it more? Your face burned and your heart hammered against your chest. No it was defiantly more. You felt jealous too. You quickly started your car knowing that you needed to get away fast but your hands were shaking.

“Hey!”

You glanced up in horror as Sy rushed towards your car after talking with the blonde. If you weren’t already mortified enough ..

Suddenly your car door was opened and Sy was bending down to look at you. You reached for the door but he had wedged his leg inside.

“I have to go”.

“Get out of the bloody car”.

You looked up when you heard his tone. He sounded pissed.

“Sy I have to go”.

“I said get out”. Sy moved to unfasten your seat belt. “I aint asking again”.

“I’m going home”.

“Not until you meet Becky”.

You looked at him is disgust. So her name was Becky? Did he enjoy seeing you in such discomfort?

“I don’t think ..”

“My sister Becky”. Sy raised his eyebrow at you and motioned for you to get out. “Seems like you didn’t really get introduced before”.

“Your sister?” Your face burned. “She’s your sister?”

“My baby sister yes”. Sy held open the door as you struggled to get out. Your arms instantly wrapped around your body as you glanced to where the blonde stood holding your chocolate cake. You were so embarrassed when she waved at you hesitantly.

“She stopped by … she’s here for the weekend”. Sy scratched his neck. “College break”.

“Oh I .. “

“You thought she was a girl I picked up?”

“No .. I mean …”

“You did”.

“I just .. I thought I was interrupting”. You stared at the ground.

“I would have told you if I was seeing someone”.

“Well I .. I just .. god Sy what do you want me to say?”

“How bout why you’re here dropping off a cake?” Sy held your gaze. “Why you got so upset seeing Becky here? And don’t go telling me some god dammed excuse that you thought you we’re interrupting ..”

“I .. baked a cake. And I .. thought of you”. You wiped your sweaty palms on your dress wishing the earth would open up and swallow you.

“Why’d you go thinking of me?”

“Sy ..”

“Tell me”.

“I just .. I thought ..”

“Just tell me”. Sy grabbed hold of your shoulders.

You sucked in a breath and glanced in Beckys direction. You watched as she took the cake and walked inside.

“Im scared Sy .. I can’t”.

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t know how … and then so much has happening you know?”

“I can stand here all day”. Sy’s voice was almost rough as his eyes pleaded with you.

“Why .. I mean why have you been there for me lately? Is it because of your time in the army? Some idea that you needed to repay me?” You sucked in a breath.

“Is that what you think?”

“I .. I don’t know Sy. I don’t want to read more into it”.

“I’m not playing that game”. Sy let go of your shoulders and took a step back. Your insides churned immediately. “I asked you .. don’t turn the tables”.

“Sy”

“I made it darn obvious. Now you tell me why you’re at my door looking all pretty in your floral dress, holding out a cake that you know that I’ll love”. Sy paused. “Tell me .. I’m not asking you again”.

“You made it obvious? Didn’t I just make it obvious too? I haven’t just rocked up here for no good reason now have i? And this dress ..” you touched the fabric with your hands. “It’s new! So I obviously wore it because .. well I thought you’d like it”.

“Say it!” Sy grabbed your face with both hands. “For fuck’s sake woman just say it!”

“I want you! There you go I said it!” Your eyes filled with tears. “But I’m scared you don’t want me! And I’m scared that you’ll think I’m a headcase who’s just lost her parents and now is looking to fill that hole!”.

“There you go”. Sy smiled softly. “I really needed to hear you say it … been losing my mind”

“Do you? Do you feel the same?”

“You really have to ask me that?”. Sy smiled then shook his head. “Love, I’ve been infactuated by you the moment I first saw you. But I could never do anything about it”. Sy touched your cheek. “Wouldnt have been appropriate since you were working for the army”.

“You always liked me?”

“Course I did .. you’re god dammed beautiful and so smart. Thought you were way too good for me though”. Sy inched closer to you and your hands immediately gripped into his t shirt, pulling him towards you.

“Kiss me Sy”. You whispered.

“Was planning to”.

Next thing you felt his lips on yours. They were warm and full, and as he opened his mouth he tasted like mint and sugar. You felt your head spin, your heart beat fast and you were certain that you’d bent your knee - just like they did in old fashioned movies. Sy had ruined you with just one kiss. Suddenly you felt him break away, inhale deeply then kiss you again. This time was different. He had you backed up against your car, his large frame trapping you in a way that made your legs turn to jelly. His hands gripped the sides of your floral dress, pulling your body so flush against him that you could feel every muscle.

“Sy”. You moaned you broke apart for air.

“Can’t wait till you’re fucking screaming my name”. Sy groaned into your neck. “But I think I should date you for a bit first, where are my manners?”. Sy looked at you, a smirk on his face.

“I’d like that”.

“Me dating you or you screaming my name?”

“Sy!!” You playfully pushed against his chest but he quickly grabbed at your thighs and you instinctively jumped up, wrapping them around his waist. He turned to reverse your positions, with him now leaning up against your car.

“Why did we wait so long to do this?”

“I don’t know”.

“You gonna be my girl Sugar?” Sy suddenly asked you as he raised an eyebrow.

“Yes”. You couldn’t help the smile that broke out on your face. “Sy?”

“Yeah?”

“Mum and Dad would have really liked you”.

“I’m sure I would have liked them even more”. Sy brushed a strand of hair out of your face. “And I know that because they made such a beautiful daughter who I have fallen for”.

“I feel like these past few weeks you have gotten to know them”.

“I have”. Sy smiled. “I know all your dads hiking trails and his favourite places to fish. I know your mum was an incredible cook and I’ve enjoyed rewatching some of her favorite movies with you”. Sy’s hands gripped your ass even closer to him and you bumped your nose against his.

“You know what we have to do now?”

“I can think of a few things?” Sy smirked but waited patiently for you to finish.

“I think .. you need to try my cake. And I think ..” you kissed his lips. “I need to say hello to your sister?”

“Yes to both of those but right now I wanna kiss you some more”.

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#captain sy fanfiction #fanfiction #henry cavill characters #syverson #syverson fanfiction #captain sy x reader #captain syverson #cpt syverson #sand castle #new writter #newbie #new writers on tumblr #newfiction

[miamoo27]

Before I do anything I need to write this

This weekend "it" started again. I felt the guilt come on of not wanting to spend time with my family or anyone. It isnt that I dont like people, I spend time with people all week. At work, school and home I am constantly having to deal with others energies. I need a break most weekends from the constant rush of the week days. I liked to use the weekends to do work, smoke, crochet, watch tv and rest. But it seems whenever my mother or father is around it is hard to relax. I am sitting her exhausted from forcing myself to look "happy" for my mom when there is 10000 things on my mind and the only thing I want to do is be alone and smoke and vibe. By myself. I dont know if it is healthy but my energy is depleted. It is the constant need my mom has for me to be around her and my pressure I put on myself to give her the attention.

Our personalities clash. All of this is very hard for me to admit or write down. I have no excuse anymore my mother is a good person. It used to be her drinking so i didnt mind saying anything negative. But now I feel like shit. But I have to remember my feelings and these journals are anonymous.

My mother came from an Italian catholic family. Stranegly enough her mother was really successful and work herself to get a good job and go to get a PHD as an immigrant. Her father was um machismo, racist. I love my grandparents but its the truth. For some reason my mom never like questioned that her parents had negative world-views. I get it was a different time but my mom grew up in the 70s so it isnt that insane for her to question her parents values. But instead she let her parents values of gender, race and class affect her. They brainwashed her and she never had the freedom to question it. Despite my mom being similiar to her parents in that regard. I feel the complete opposite and knowing who I am now I always questionsed everything my parents, teachers or society told me. It was just in my nature.

My moms parents were mean to her as well. Throwing degrating comments at her like "shes a broad" "shes bigger" "You arent good at art." The last one shocks me, my uncle told me they told her that after she came home and asked my grandma why she never puts her paintings on the wall "Because your no good." Who knows if thats true. When I brought it up to my mom she didnt answer. I cant believe the grandmother that basically raised me acted like this. But I even questioned her.

Who knows I dont know if this is just her. Because similiar to my brother I know why her parents (mom) maybe had ill feelings about her or were testing her. My father likes me more. I know thats hard to admit. He loves all his kids I know that. But he likes certain ones in particular, espically the struggled story ones and the fighters.

My father worked insanely hard to get where he is. I can confidently say my dad is smart. Hes intelligent in a different way then i am but he works his ass off. I work my ass off. He struggled because of money I struggled beacause of my learning disability we both struggled and made it out successful. My father watched me year after year fight for my education and never stopped supporting me. I know I annoy him piss him off but I cant deny that I love my dad. Even the times when I wanted to never speak to him again after cheating on mom, drinking with her and being a poor husband. Which affected him as a dad he was not here. But he always managed to stick up for me. And call me out on bs.

So when he believed me when I said I got accepted to FDU. EVen though I got into the interview. I wanted to cry. My dad who usually only believes me when I am telling the truth is sticking up for me when I lied because I am embarrassed that I did not get in anywhere and did not apply to montclair. I hate it. I am so mad. I am so confused. I worked so fucking hard and I know how this work I know life is not fair but I worked so hard I earned this I got so many punches I need a win.'

Also i feel weird I lied. I know when I am lying. I been in therapy long enough. I just want to make evryone proud. Think I can do something like go to grad school. But is it really what I want? Do I really want to be in jersey? I have so many terrible memories here. I dont want to be around Nick or Andrys. I dont want to be around everyone thats done me wrong. Not that they are the only reason I need to go. ASAP.

I know I can do more than this I feel it. I am not content. Thats my issue I relax but feel fire in me. Maybe I am a sag. I have a restless fire alway even if I am upset. The only time it rests is if I am sick.

My blood pressure was high again. I know why I am a mess I am nervous without me knowing it anymore. I dont feel it as much. All the lexapro and adderall drowned me out to not even being aware of my own anxieties and issues. I think of smoking weed all the time. I hit my juul and drink coffee excessively even right now. I put on a happy face genuinely think positively but I am so aware it hurt me. I get bored so easly I stay away from people. I bask in my addictions and pleasures. I am fearful still of someone leaving. I have been hurt so I would rather be alone. I am not depressed but I am aware of life. I accept it but then I move restlessly about. THinking all the time. My mind does not stop.

I won though. I won when I told myself today I am going to do what I want. NOt what will make my family happy. Or what I want to do in order to make them proud. But to actually do what I want. I dont know what that is yet but I am planning on figuring it out at some point.

[maurenislife]

Ive had so many near death experiences that im numb, so living out everyday becomes very surreal like am i even supposed to be on this timeline? That nigga coulda took my life away….. and i wish he did cause now my existence is merely fixture and very much a joke cause im 99% guaranteed to make to tomorrow so people rag on me all day, make me feel inadequate and insecure and feel alone FOR WHAT? I WISH THAT NIGGA BLEW MY HEAD OFF for a infinite rest.

When you live against social norms your gonna be the brute of scrutiny and negativity yet everybody’s copying u and asking you for advice and money and status and up ur asshole but yet slicing it apart with a butcher knife.

Im a INFINITE BUFFET of culture,thought and prowess.

Im smart, im beautiful, im funny, im memorable.

Ive had to echoed to me throughout that im someone of value, how come it dont feel like it. How come it feel like im waking up to put lipstick on a trashcan 💔 like im washing a used car in the shower.

If i didnt have my job like my coworkers dude or my grandma idk what id do fr

Those two things keeping me here, i love my coworkers they are so nice to me like i never had people cook for me or ask me how i am or give me hugs like or care about my family life yanno.

Also idkkk ive been told I played victim my whole life. Whole time i am. Im a victim of sexual assault of emotional abuse and a constant victim of being shown no compassion no empathy nobody.

Its like a arena of people watching you get beat on, with a bloody nose and tears in your eyes, and theres a podium for speakers

“Your playing victim” as somebody watches u get raped at a party ….. yeah that type of shit

U think u can hurt me my mom has paid her dividends in full my baby 😪

Then it be ya friends

Then it be ya nigga who u lay next to

Its like who gone turn against me now?

It make it so i dont want no friends, i dont want a nigga, i dont wanna raise my own family. I dont have a goal or a lifetime achievement i wanna reach, i dont wanna go anywhere fr why plan vacations… why do anything. If there is a consequence leaning around the corner

You hurt and hurt and hurt and nobody kinda cares. It’s hurtful the pple who know u the least want u around, like wow i play a insignificant role in your life u want me alive idkkk that shit weird as fuck. I see why pple just idk they like this life shit backwards fr

[highpriestess-stuff]

Wooow what a day who knew getting a solid routine would help your life so much i mean it could be better cause im still praying for my grandma doing everything i can so things turn around for me and my family but im pretty sure im on the right track cause 4:44 popped on the clock right before i went to bed i know my angels are listening to me and helping me so im trying to do everything i can its just so hard when you have so much anger and resentment but i guess for someone like me its just best to sit with it and experience the emotion instead of always impulsively popping off on the person even tho i want to so badly go off on my mama like damn karma really is a bitch but he really fucked things up for me and my cousin & now was am i supposed to do just watch her be against me for the rest of my life because her dad never gave me the respect i deserve oh but she does? with the bitch ass shit shes doing and some how i was always the bad guy? like how does that make sense she tries to humiliate me every chance i get just the way he did so im just supposed to keep me fuckin distance and her for her to just learn on her own like why are we even family i spent my entire life loving her so much for what just for her to turn against me this fucking sucks so bad and i dont know what to do about it i hate how much i love my family i wish i didnt because *the shit i do for them i know they wouldnt do for me * i wish i wasnt like this its so hard to just sit still and be quite but unfortunatly thats my path and thats what i have to do i can control people ... story of my FUCKING LIFE i just wanna shake her and be like what the fuck are u doing? but u know what not my problem he can deal with it im just ill figure it out so what if i never had a single loyal bitch in my life im just sick and tired of all these fuckin men i just wana some loyal mother fuckin women in my life but they always seem to stab me in the fuckin back i just never thought it would be her too i know the path shes going on is wrong and i just wanna be there and protect her so bad but i cant and it fuckin breaks my soul like its not even about me but theres nothing i can do so thanks a lot to my fucked up family the best advice my mom had given is just dont say anything & god damn is that harder then ever i guess i can just keep journaling about it.. and just keep my damn mouth shut cause it has been going well so far i just need to focus more on things that make me happy.

Its so crazy cause i was working at CD06 and out of now where A shows up with his buddy whos like do u know this guy and A's energy just went from depressed looking down to so happy and just owning his fuckin space like all his attention was on me it made his buddy so uncomfortable telling me how he called me on my birthday but i changed my number like damn where did that confidence come from boy. I guess when something is meant to be it truly does find you at the worst time of my life when my grandma is in the hospital im at the lowest ive ever been and he found me. I remember when i was in the best time of my life he was at his lowest and i found him. Its so crazy how these things happen & now hes in a good place clearly and now he wants to be there for me.. like what i remember he was so lost and when we first hung out i brought him 2 rockstars 1 for me 1 for him and it brought the biggest smile on his face.. i guess he never forgot about that its just so crazy to me like how can these guys love me sooo much and my family just wont even give me a chance like what it makes zero sense to me i didnt even have to try i was only ever being myself and my family cant even appreciate who i am its just really weird hes also met S and he knows about him i just wonder what it could all mean i know i should stop trying to figure things out and just live but i hate not knowing things i mean if i knew A was going to be such a huge part of my life i wouldnt have fucked it up the way that i did although it wasnt my fault at some point i was pretty tempted too but i knew it just wasnt going to go any where do i never wanted to give him the false hope cause we just have such an amazing friendship and he just gets so fuckin protective its crazy i hate leading people on but its like i am so clear about what i want i dont wanna lose any more people it hurts so bad i think about our friendship all the time but i can never give him what he wants like its not him its me i know myself so why would i do that to my best friend? who i love so dearly and only ever want the fuckin best for him although i am the best... lol chemistry is just so important for me and its like if it aint there it aint there i dont want it to be another S situation cause my love can make a nigga go crazy & thats the last thing i want whats wrong with just wanting company? why do they always want more .. i wish that wasnt the case i dont wanna lie and go behind his back like thats the fuckin problem and if im already doing that as your friend because im afraid of hurting u how can we ever be more? yeah we look good together we would have amazing fuckin babies im just always all about doing the right thing and i hope we can stay friends and still grow individually :( i hope he can do that like nothing would make me happier if he just was on the same page i cant keep going on like this i just want everything to go back to the way it was i need him to think of me stictly as his best friend not another girl on his roaster like bruhhhhhh get over it !!! we are family lol

[lilgynt]

I think I accidentally adopted a kid today and hnfn

#personal #not really but i sure as fuck imprinted on her! id kill for her now! #its a bit complicated but shes a few years younger than me n does not have the best home life and in her own words no friends #we got a few of the same issues so im also like hello #anyway we talked like about her stuff she got to vent and get a non toxic pov from me and few adult adults #n my mom and i took her to lunch and she started talking about no friends #i think it started cause her grandma was like #talking about reading and my mom was like oh laura fuckinf LOVES to read #i didnt want to shame her for not reading so i cut in like yeah i love it but its not everyones thing #but if its a habit you want to start just make sure to have fun with it! read fiction read dumb books or even just read stuff with your #friends #have fun and enjoy yourself firstmore you know? #she was like see i dont have friends and my brain went WILD n i dont know? #i said oh fuck that gimme your number and made it clear she can contact me anytime about anything #dumb shit or if she needs help and i genuinely do enjoy her company #skipping the rest of lunch a legit thought i had was okay fuck i need a license in case she needs to get out of the house for anything #overall fuck ❤️ #only bit i didnt like was my mom and i agreeing i probably shoudnt come out so her family doesnt view me as a predator #mom was also like yeah i know YOU dont like her but i dont want you to confuse her ❤️ #brain went a little crazy on that mainly cause shes literally a child so. rather eat dog shit #two #anyone my age or older likes her im gonna attack like a rabid dog #cause thats disgusting but bonus points for some of her issues ❤️

[absinthehoney]

reflections

i’d be getting married today. we’d be in the forest, by the river. i’d be standing it. someone i’m not even friends with anymore would be officiating. our friends wouldve had to call out of school, we would’ve driven up into the woods and spent the day in the sunshine. its a beautiful day today, i picked a really good one. i was supposed to be getting married today. had things gone differently i would be. i left the ring at his house. i wonder if its still where i left it, if he knows where it is. its not like i hid it, i just don’t know if hed find it. i think about the things i left there, my bass guitar that used to be my brothers, my record collection, that ring. i think about going over there to get them, showing up at his house and saying hey, can i get my stuff back? i think about the soap i left in his shower, the fact that my shampoo is still there. i think a lot about the immediate love his family showed me, how seamlessly and instantly i was accepted into their home. i think of how well i fit in there, into that sunken in chair, in his bed. that bed became my bed. his house became Home. i would be getting married today. when i think of him i think of all of these little moments. waking up together the first time i slept over. his grandma singing happy birthday to me when i turned 17. dyeing my hair in his bathroom, washing his hair for him. crying myself to sleep in his bed, which is no longer my bed, in august while he sat at his computer playing some stupid video game. i very rarely needed him, i needed him then, i needed him while he was high and screaming at me. i needed him when i was losing touch with the world around me. he needed me all the time. he needed me to be the person he knew, who was almost never the person i really was. i would have a son right now. i dont think i told anyone that i knew the gender. he was a little boy. i mightve named him after my brother. i lost myself then. i didnt know who i was, he had taken everything from me, my name, my face, the words out of my mouth. i effectively reduced myself to a statue, i couldn’t speak, or move, or think. he didn’t know who i was, either. he had taken enough of me away by the time i got sick, when i had the rest of myself removed, that there was nothing left when it was over with. he used to be good. i remember the first time he said he loved me. i remember taking acid at our friends house and feeling wrapped up in the love i felt for him. i remember a lot of things. our first (only) date, the way he smiled at me. fuck i want to cry thinking about it. i will the tears to come. i say to my friends “i was supposed to be getting married today,” and i will the tears to go back away. i go home and sit in my room and focus on writing, i look at the sonogram and i say out loud, to no one, “my son would be almost three months old by now.” i look at my reflection and i recognize her again. she is me, she is a fucking tank. she is a war machine, she is everything all at once, and i love her for it. i ask her if she knows that i would be getting married today.

#schizobabble #actually schizophrenic #small town gothic #i no longer romanticize my horrible ex #be proud of me other admins

[faerielleart]

Hi sorry you don’t have to answer this! But I’ve seen you speak about LGBTQ+ and from my understanding you are a part? So I want to ask I have been dealing with my self identity and struggles and I want to ask if you can share experiences and how you find out since I think I am not straight to be sure… Thank you I hope this ask doesn’t put you in uncomfortable place.

yo anon hello!! 👋 no worries, i’m not in any way uncomfortable and i’m always happy to help if i can

first of all, keep in mind that not everyone’s experiences are the same and what i went through in my journey to exploring my sexual identity might be completely different from what someone else went through, hence take what i say with a huge grain of salt and know that everyone’s experiences are perfectly valid

alright hhhhh well my story’s pretty funny actually LMAO i think i already answered this some other time iirc? but yeah i started “having doubts” in middle school. i wasn’t interested in boys, i was genuinely meh in front of any dude my female friends found cute, i never thought about dating and i never thought about marriage. some people (my family) called me a “late bloomer”, my classmates secretly made fun of me for being “gay”.

thing is, i was obviously gay but i didnt know at the time- however everyone else did 💀💀💀 i was out there saying shit like “i wish men didn’t exist” “i wish the planet was only populated by women” and stuff like that on the DAILY and each time my classmates looked at me like 👁👄👁 and it was like the class’ inside joke that i wasn’t a part of. i was bullying victim unfortunately and i was the class punching bag 🚶‍♀️

one day, i was at my (at the time) best friend’s birthday party and all the girls in class were invited with some boys to her house. i remember we were playing truth or dare, my turn came and i chose truth; there was this girl who hated me with all her heart for no reason whatsoever and loved humiliating me while pretending to be my friend and i was too much of a pushover to say anything to her, anyway bitch started laughing and yelled in front of everyone “IS IT TRUE THAT YOU’RE A LESBIAN?????” and i was ,,,,, pretty much shocked. firstly i thought that was a dirty word, i had never known lesbians irl and i only knew gay men and i kinda associated lesbians with something taboo? i think i was maybe 11 or 12 years old but it was all peer influence, i was lucky to have parents who were never homophobic and never taught me to hate? so this “hesitation” towards this word was something that was instilled into me by my schoolmates who treated it as if it was something shameful and to make fun of. anyway, i told that girl to mind her own business and i was silent and sulking for the rest of the party.

several days later i was at the mall with my parents who asked me what was wrong bc i had been behaving weirdly since the party and i remember telling them exactly “we were playing a game and [girl’s name] asked me if i were…” and i didn’t finish the sentence. “if you were?” and i still was hesitant to answer but then i said “gay” in a really small voice and i remember getting super flustered and feeling so embarrassed?? and my parents just looked at each other and i think that was the start of everything lol in the next years through middle and high school i was so confused about myself i was refusing to label myself bc i thought i was “figuring myself out” and for a long while i thought i was bisexual. i used to tell my ex best friend about these doubts that i had and she was always a bit weird about it 🧍‍♀️

she randomly asked me shit like “do you wanna have sex with a guy? if you had a boyfriend would you have sex with him? would you suck his dick?” and shit like that and i always was so embarrassed about answering those questions? because my answer was always a straight up no, but i thought something was wrong with me if i didnt wanna do stuff with men. despite that, i still didnt truly question my attraction to men, i just went “yeah i mean all girls secretly think that men are ugly right that’s normal” for SO MANY YEARS LOL i thought everyone had the same experience??? i reached the point where i was 100% sure of my attraction to girls and i was forcing myself to be attracted to men as well bc “that’s the right thing for me”. i forced myself to be enthusiastic when my friends talked about boyfriends, i forced myself to pretend to have a crush on celebrities and THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING BUT LIKE ONE TIME I WAS WATCHING THIS TV SHOW WITH MY MOM AND THERE WAS I THINK ORLANDO BLOOM AS A GUEST AND I GOT THE IDEA OF PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY TO SEE HIM BC I THOUGHT HE WAS “THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MAN EVER” AND I SPENT LIKE HALF AN HOUR INSISTENTLY TELLING MY MOM “LOOK AT HIM HE IS SO ATTRACTIVE OH I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM” TO SHOW MY MOM I LIKED MEN 💀💀💀💀💀💀 I DID THAT A LOT IT’S LIKE I WANTED VALIDATION FOR IT i want to bury myself in sand thinking of this

anyway after an extremely failed coming out to my grandma whom i saw for the first time ever expressing disgust at the thought of me potentially being attracted to women i was terrified to do it again and i refused to tell any other member of my family. i still haven’t truly come out and i don’t think i ever will tbh even if i know my parents would love me and accept me regardless i still think of my grandma’s reaction and i start legit crying whenever i think of that

march 2020 comes and i finally accept that i am a lesbian. how did that happen? i was watching harry potter and i went “holy shit i wanna fuck hermione” literally that’s it nothing else. nothing else. that was that. that’s how i knew 100% i was a lesbian and i was tired of pretending i wasn’t. don’t ask me why, don’t ask me how but that’s literally what happened.

and that’s when everything started making sense tbh? like i just felt as if i had a huge huge burden lifted off myself for the first time ever? i said it out loud and i felt happy? the more i said it, the happier i felt? through the years i had always known deep down i didn’t like men, i was just pretending i was, comp-het was hitting me SO HARD and then finally i stopped letting it influence me.

what helped me was asking myself extremely specific questions after that to be sure, in the same fashion my ex bestie used to be weird about it when i “came out” to her. i imagined myself in really specific situations with fantasy boyfriends, i asked myself what i liked about men and the answer was always “nothing”, i asked myself “could i be capable of falling in love with a man?” and the way i was setting standards so high and ridiculous for any human for my “dream man” was the obviously negative answer to that question, i asked myself more intimate questions like “if it came down to it would you ever actually sleep with a man?” and the answer was always a solid no. basically putting myself in theoretical situations is what helped me finally understand. i had done that through the years and my answers were the same since the beginning, but i still refused to admit the truth to myself, until one day i just stopped.

and that’s my journey LOL it’s kinda pathetic tbh,,,,,, i could’ve been much happier with myself if i had just admitted it to myself since the beginning, bc deep down i always knew. would’ve spared me years of not feeling okay with myself, would’ve spared me years of surrounding myself with the wrong people who caused me terrible pain every time i heard them say lesbians are disgusting. but anyway, what’s done is done and i’m just happy now i get to be free and accept myself for who i am, unapologetically. on the internet. bc in real life i’m still traumatized 🚶‍♀️

i think questions are the easiest place to start. imagine yourself in situations, ask yourself how would you act and why. figure yourself out bit by bit and take your time to understand what you like. don’t ever let yourself feel pressured by anyone, don’t even let yourself feel pressured by the need of labels. don’t let anyone tell you your experiences are wrong or not valid, don’t let anyone tell you there’s a set way to explore your identity, don’t force yourself to do anything you’re not comfortable doing. if you need to vent, my dms are always open. be happy exploring your identity, there is no right way to do it. and remember that you’re always valid. 💜

[bi-spy-who-might-be-high]

So obviously this came from insta and it speaks for itself.

For me i use bisexual because ive been through hell with that term. I came out as bi about 6 years ago and my mom lectured me for 2 hours over how i was sinning and gonna go to hell and all that bullshit and even convinced my dad to be mad out me ( they were both drunk and forgot i even came out so I just went back in the closet. They were the only two i came out too) so i last yeat I came out again as bi and it has went way better. My mom has grown and learned to be more accepting (she still has work to do but she is actually trying and has even offered to take me to pride which shocked me because i didnt think she was that cool with it) my dad makes dad jokes about and laughs whenever i make a stupid joke involving being bi. The rest of my family knows too and the only one who doesnt accept is my grandmas sister but she isnt that important and her acceptance doesnt matter. It wasnt until a few months ago that soemone said pan fit me better and yeah it probably(idk if i spelt that right it looks weird to me) does but me and the term bisexual ive been on a journey together and i feel so fucking proud when im around somd asshole and they over hear me talking about a girl I have a crush on and they are like "oh so your a lesbian. Did you even give boys a chance? (Legit had someone say this to me and my mom was like stay calm and i was like tf) anywas when they said that i went " ive had a bf before he ended up dating my best friend (ex bff)" them "oh so what you dated one and decided they were all terrible and went lesbian" me "im actually bisexual so no i didnt just give up on boys". Anyways I feel proud when i declare im bisexual idk its just so empowering to finally be able to say it and not worry about how my parents are gonna react and to just say it out loud is amazing. When i came out the first time it was hell and afterwards i had to listen to some bullshit until they changed and i was finally able to come out again and it felt so good to have my dad make a joke on how i couldve came out to everyone. Also this is my first time going to pride and being out. (I sent once with my aunt when i was really little and didnt understand anything or know what i was) and i fr lowkey feel like crying because im supposed to be going this year and on top of that my mom is gonna go with me to show support like idk its so amazing to me. So yeah sometimes there might be a term that fits someone but its their sexuality and they get to say what makes them feel comfortable. Obviously i love my pansexaul siblings in the LGBTQ+ community but bisexual was what i held onto when i had to listen to my mom be hateful. I held onto that term telling myself one day I was gonna come out and be happy and proud and not have to be scared my mom was gonna kick me out or scared she would talk shit with my other aunt. I told myself i was gonna come out as a loud and proud bisexual and now i have people telling me that it would be better to call myself pansexaul like excuse you but this is my sexuality and this is the term i had a journey with and now im gonna wear it proudly. Like i said ive been to hell with this term and i love all the other sexual identities but this is my term and im not gonna give it up based on someone elses opinions. Im bisexual and proud.

Sorry if this was way too long and confusing. I just wanted to share why i use bisexual over everything else. Saying im bisexual makes me happy and its comforting everytime i say it out loud.

I love yall and please be safe.

#bi pride #bisexual #bisexual pride #this is my sexuality #lgbtq pride #trans pride #asexual pride #lgbtq #pan pride #lesbian pride #nonbinary pride #wlw pride #encouragement

[topsytervy]

I'm here ~ Rafe Cameron

Blurb: after the death of your grandma, Rafe comforts you during this hard time

Word Count: take a guess cause i don't know

Warnings: mentions death, swearing, guilt (sorry that me projecting a little, my bad guys), spelling/grammar mistakes, not edited in the slightest

This exists because my great aunt died and i felt guilty and i saw one of my family members bring their girlfriend with for the funeral and i went off into daydream land.

~~~~~

Rafe could sense something was wrong when he saw your name pop up on his screen at 8 o'clock at night.

"Hey." He greeted, sitting up in his bed.

"Rafe," Your voice wavered.

Your boyfriend was immediately out of bed and slipping on a pair of shoes and a hoodie before grabbing his keys off his desk and heading downstairs. "Y/N, what's wrong? Do I need to come and get you?"

"She died, Rafe," You choked out before breaking into sobs.

Rafe stopped in the threshhold, Rose and Ward looking at Rafe from the living room as they heard Rafe's voice. "Who died?"

"Grandma," you mananged to get out.

Rafe's mouth parted slightly. "Oh, baby. I'm so sorry." He looked towards the living room where his stepmother and dad were still watching. He pulled his phone away his ear. "Don't wait up." He told them before rushing out the door to his call. "I'm on my way Y/N. I'll be there in five."

Rafe sped his way to your house, pulling up the driveway and throwing the car in park before turning off the engine. He hopped out of his truck and ran up to your door, opening it wothout even knocking and shutting it behind him with a thud as he headed towards your room.

"Y/N/N," he called out softly once he got to your door that was cracked open. He peeked in to see you sitting on your bed, eyes red from crying. "Oh, baby." He whispered, coming in and wrapping his arms around your shoulders.

You rested your head against his chest as he kissed the top of your head, feeling another wave of crying coming on. "I didn't even get to say goodbye." You croaked, the tears slipping down.

"It's okay, Y/N. You couldn't have known."

"I did though. I did know. Dad told me she was in ICU and not doing well but I didnt call her cause I worked the closing shift! And then he texted me two days later that she was doing better and moved to rehab and I decided that I wouldn't call her since I'll see her again. I never told her goodbye cause I was convinced I'd see her once more to tell her goodbye in person!"

Rafe's arms tightened around you. "It's okay, sweetheart. You were informed that she was doing better. You didnt want to call her late at night when she was in ICU because you didn't want to possibly disturb her if she was sleeping. Believe me, baby, she still loves you."

Rafe stayed the night that night, holding you while you cried yourself to sleep, only closing his eyes once your breathing slowed.

***

Rafe held your hand as you and your family entered the funeral home, your extended family littered about the place, talking and catching up before the service.

You introduced Rafe to some of your family members, your great aunt saying how sweet it was for him to come and support you during this hard time.

You and Rafe at some point found yourself in a group of four other family members, gossiping about other members before they moved on to tell stories of their childhood.

Rafe never left your side once, sitting next to you during the service, his hand holding yours as his thumb drew circles on the back of your hand in an attempt to soothe you. You don't know when you officially lost it during the funeral but you do know that when it ended, Rafe was right behind you as you took one last look at your grandma before heading out of the room and towards the lounge.

Rafe rubbed circles on your back as you sat down and cried for what felt like the hundredth time in the past five days. "I'm here, baby. I'm here."

"This fucking sucks. I'm so sick of this crying and shit." You huffed, digging the heel of your hand into your eyes.

"It's good to cry though, Y/N/N. As shitty as it is."

"She would've liked you." You told him, leaning your head on his shoulder.

"Yeah?" He smiled softly.

You nodded with a sniff. "Oh yeah. Definitely."

Rafe kissed the top of your head. "Well, I'm glad your dead grandmother would've liked me."

You raised an eyebrow. "You sure about that? She would've made you get up and dance to Love Shack every time it came on. And I mean every time it came on."

"It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make."

You rolled your eyes with another sniff and smiled softly when you saw your great-aunt come in.

"How you holding up, hon?"

You looked at Rafe. "Pretty okay."

Rafe smiled at you before kissing your hand, glad he could make a time like this a little more bearable.

~~~~

#rafe obx #rafe cameron #rafe outer banks #outerbanks rafe

[tomdiddlyumptious]

A.R| just cry already

Summary: you and cloudy have a little talk just to interrupt your mom and dad- then your dad pulls the asshole card

Warning: uh- parents ##### (just some moaning)- uh language and violence- unedited- my editor is slakin 🥱✨

Chapter one -> one✨ two 🤠 three ✨ four 🤠 five

“Hey you like that arvin guy?” You ask, on the rode going to the meat store. He looks at you and gives you a innocent nod.

“Yeah, do you like him?” “Yeah but hes a white boy, who knows whats next eh?” He nods knowing where your coming from. “Undertandable” “are kids messing with you?” He looks at you, hesitant to answer.

“N-no-“ “dont you lie to me boy, spit it” you give him an eyebrow raise as a warning, he sighs and throws himself back in the seat with his head leaning on it before he turns to you “fine- yeah” “im not gonna tell anyone, and you are a strong black boy- use those guns you got” you giggle and reach over to squeeze his arm. “I cant, ill get in trouble” “ah i forgot about that, how bout you hang out with that nice girl- lenora” “i can see- i hope your not falling for no white boy y/n”

“You in my business” you roll your eyes as he chuckles. “Hey cloud” “hmm?” “I love you” you smile looking at him. “I love you too- ew im never saying that again” you gasp as you ask him why “it just gave me the chills” “welp here we are, go get us some steak will ya?” You hand him the money.

In this racist town you and your family are money motivated, even though some didnt like it you hustled, everone was suprised when your family got the newest car. Eveb if your dad, your mom got less amout of money then others.

“No wonder why he likes to hit her- hes stressed” you shake your head. “Whats up-nigger, you still in this town?” A man says, or a stupid man thats your age, young. You got startled as they got in next to you “get the fuck out of my car!” You say as he reaches over to pull your hair. “Fuckin-“ before he could finish cloudy grabbed him and yanked him out of the car, through the window as he landed on the floor and socked him hard across the face twice, hearing his jaw break as cloudy quickly through the meat in and jumped in.

“DRIVE” you hurry a step on it. “Fuck” you whisper as you head home. “God dammit why cant they just leave us alone- i cant fucking do this all the time” “you wont have to- i promise ill get you out of here” “promise?” You nod as you soflty grab his hand “with you, mama, and anyone else who needs it. We will leave this town and live a nice life”

The rest of the drive was silent as you headed home. You both got out as you grabbed the frozen meat, you grabbed the keys from your bra and unlocked the door, stepping inside and hearing loud moans.

You sigh as you throw the meat in the sink and of course they hear, “shit their home” you dad says as you guess he gets himself together, he steps into the kitchen where you and cloudy are, the only thing he says is “what happened to you, cloud” cloudy sighs as he lifts up his hand showing his purple knuckles “i got into a fight” “im proud if you boy” he says, you whisper “thats the first” “what was that, y/n?” You swallow as you look at your dad.

“Im quite the thirst, do we have any water here? I also got some meat” “of course we do, hunny can you give her some water”

“Yeah” your mother walks out, fixing her frizzy hair as she grabs a glass of water and hands it to you. “Mom are you okay?” You ask as you see purple finger prints on her neck. “Shes fine, take the water and drink it”

Your dad interrupted.

“Sorry” you clear your throat “so uh. Hows everyone?” “Fine” they all said together. “We are going to church” you father stated, everyone else in the room looking at him as if hes crazy.

“Theres a whole lot of white people in there, are you sure?” “Yeah, thats why i got the steak, we are a family and we deserve equality like everyone else” “not everyones gonna listen to you, dad please” you beg him with pleading eyes. He makes eye contact with your pleading eyes, losing he sighs “we are only going once” your mother sighed in relief.

Arvin is currently at the store with his grandmother, a man sitting on a stool with a ice pack on his cheek.

“Yeah, i dont know who punched me but i was trying to talk to that girl”

“What girl?”

“The nigger”

Arvins jaw clenched as he tried to stop listening, anger fusing in his viens when he barely knew the girl.

“This is just tragic” his grandmother whispered, sighing as she picked up the chiken.

“Yeah it sure is” arvin murmered back.

After they went in the car arvin turned to his grandmother. “Hey grandma” he asks her, she looks at him telling him to continue “do you like uh- colored people?” He asks, avoiding the disrespectful word. “Well what do you mean?” “You know, darker then us” she nods and starts to give her answer.

“Yeah, i see nothin wrong with them. I dont know why others dont. Why arvin? You like that girl dont you” she gives him a smile. “I think i just might” he smiles as he starts to drive home.

#tom holland x reader #tom holland x black!reader #arvin russel x black!reader #arvin russel x reader #tom holland series #tom holland #tom holland x you #tom holland fanfiction

[ballplayersxo]

finding audio that fits is the best feeling

hercai summary tw for rape mention

girl is named reyyan sadoglu and guy is named miran aslanbey. miran's grandma is a menace to society and basically told miran from childhood that reyyan's dad killed his parents, also raping his mother. miran wants revenge on the sadoglus. also reyyan's dad is technically her stepfather but he raised her like his own but his family doesnt accept her especially her grandad, another menace to society.

miran is rich and whatever so he asks for reyyan's hand in marriage so he can execute his revenge but reyyan's cousin yaren (another menace to society this series is FILLED with menaces) is in love with him. in turkish culture shame and honor is very big so miran marries reyyan like episode one they JUST met and next morning he dips and leaves her at the sadoglu mansion. basically dishonoring her and implying he fucked and then discarded her which he didnt but its the implication. her entire family (family will strictly mean stepdad side although she considers him her dad) sans her parents (her mom is a true ride or die i love her), her "cousin" who likes her (technically they arent biological cousins but its still incest), and the maids, never liked her from the start are on her ass like her (step) grandad is beating her. anyways miran comes back and kidnaps her and im not gonna spoil the rest.

english subs are on turkish123

——

ouuu this sounds messy i love it 😭 maybe i’ll watch it after i finish my current shows, we’ll see

#submission

[vosiro]

Hot girl shit (SMUT)

Dabi x F!reader (NSFW/PWP)

Basically y’all was at the cookout fucking shit up then went to the club and fucked shit up then went home a fucked shit up this shit just pure filth ngl

Also I didn’t proof read all of it so if you see a mistake, you didnt😃❤️

Today was the day, you were finally finna introduce dabi to ya family at the cookout. You already knew the first rule, don’t. Bring. A. Random. To. The. Cookout. Nobody knew who dabi was, and ole dude looked like walking beef jerky. Fair to say, you were scared as every morsel of the FUCK, because you know them aunties and cousins be talking mad shit for no damn reason. Dabi seemed way more relaxed than you did, honestly, a little too relaxed. “Shiiii doll, you’re so tense and for what?” He smirked “you need some dick to calm you down baby? I’d be down to fuck right here...” He said as he grabbed your waist. “Can you have some fucking tact? I just KNOW they finna eat you up as soon as you walk in the damn back yard.” you snarled as you pulled his hand from your waist. “I know you’re not catching an attitude with me y/n... keep that same energy when you’re screaming my name tonight doll.” You and dabi haven’t had sex for over three weeks, because of y’all’s schedule. You could tell he was a little, ahem... pent up.

“We’re here.” You told him as you two walked into the back yard. Immediately all eyes was turned on you and ya boyfriend. All the little kids ran up to dabi, “are you a zombie?” They asked “y’all don’t be asking them dumb ass questions.” You snapped back. “Maybe I am a zombie...” dabi said as he growled at them. You laughed, but that smile faded as you saw Stephanie, candy, and Alexis. They be the main ones talking shit for absolutely no reason. “Girlllll you see y/n’s man?” Stephanie whispered “right, what kinda extraterrestrial ass being” candy giggled. “Y’all know she always go for the crazy niggas, lemme go talk to her and see what’s up...” Alexis said as she appropached you and your boyfriend. Dabi shrugged these comments off, he was used to this type shit, but you were fuming. “Girllll you can do so much better, it’s the beef jerky skin fa me.” She muttered “Girl and it’s the stiff ass wig fa me, if you don’t get tf miss concrete lace🙄” You snapped back. “Dammnnn baby, you ate that.” Dabi chuckled as y’all walked away to go greet the rest of the family.

Overall, the cookout went well. Your family was pretty accepting of dabi despite his appearance, he looked like he really loved you, and was willing to protect you. He helped your uncle out on the grill with his flames, and played freeze tag with ya little cousins. Your grandma was forcing dabi to get another plate because he was ‘too skinny’, and he did exactly that even though he was full, because he adored your grandma.

Red nose by Sage the Gemini came on, and you already knew what that meant. Time. To. Throw. It. Tf. Back. Dabi was in the backyard with his shirt off, cuz it was hot asf in this bitch. The same cousins that were talking shit were the same ones eyeing him tf down like he was some sort of meal. You peeped this, and decided to make them regret they ever said shit. You came up to your mans, and did what you had to do. Throw that ass all up on him, and you already KNOW he caught that shit. Y’all was lowkey messy with it, your booty was all up on him and his hand were on your lower back swerving tf outta that shit. You felt something poke in between your ass, and you knew it couldn’t just be his belt buckle because dabi is ahem... above average. Ah, he was hard. Really hard. Who knew he would get all bricked up from you throwing it back on him. He leaned down and whispered in your ear, while his hands rested on ur hips, “shiiiiitt baby, you got a guest room in this house we could sneak off to doll face? I wanna fuck you real good...” to say you were just wet from his words was definitely an understatement, since you two haven’t had any action lately, you were literally turned on from just looking at him. “Yea we do, but haven’t you been pent up for the past couple of weeks? You sure you’re not finna nut when you put the tip in?” You said teasingly. “Don’t play with me y/n, or that pretty throat of yours is gonna be stuffed with my cock.” The tone of his voice was nearly feral, it’s not like you could say no anyways, and you wanted it as bad as he did.

You led dabi by hand to the guest bedroom of your childhood home. Once you locked the door you turned around, and that mf stuck his tongue right down your throat. “Don’t ever catch an attitude with me again, okay slut?” he said as he pulled away. “Or what? What are you gon do?” You knew your words would entice the exact reaction you wanted from him. Dabi smirked as he sat on the edge of the bed. “C’mere dollface... And get on your fucking knees.” You did exactly what he told you to. You undid his belt and freed his dick. That shit was throbbing and leaking pre cum at the tip. You grabbed a hold of it and he let out a small groan. You started to stroke it up and down while licking the tip. “Fuuckkk baby... yea... mm just like that... be a good girl for me and suck this cock real good ok?” He managed to get out under his low groans. You took half of his length in your mouth and began sucking. Dabi threw his head back while his hands rested behind him, gripping the sheets. “Fuck fuck fuck fuckkk... mm..cmon, I know you can take all of it you fucking slut...” you were going at a frustratingly slow pace for dabi, it was taking all his willpower not to grab your head and slam his cock down your throat. He pulled your head off his dick and stood up. Dabi grabbed your chin with his forefingers and stuck his thumb in your mouth then twirled it around your tongue. “You were doing that on purpose weren’t you? You fucking bitch... open wide.” You gagged as he stuck his entire length down your down your throat. He started thrusting at an inhuman pace, while his hands made its way to the back of your head. “When... fuck...nngh.. when I say don’t... haa... when I say don’t catch an attitude... with me...FUCK.. don’t catch a fucking attitude... alright?... mm fuck...” just as he was about to cum, someone knocked at the door and you quickly pulled off of him “shit.” You said fixing your clothes and heading to answer the door. It was Alexis. “Y/n, girl, wtf are y’all doing in here? Granny said y’all had to come and get more food.” Alexis knew EXACTLY what she was interrupting. “Uhm fuck, we’ll be down there in a minute... just give us a second, we leaving soon anyways” you sighed.

Y/n - “Let’s go dabi.”

Dabi - “What the fuck? You’re not just gonna leave me like this.”

Y/n - “I don’t have a choice baby, it’s granny, never play with granny’s time.”

Dabi - “Y/n you’re really pissing me the fuck off.”

Y/n - “Okay? and I don’t give a fuck, now tuck your dick in your pants or sum.”

Dabi - “Are you fucking dumb? I can’t hide this shit.”

Y/n - “Well try to baby, please for me”

Dabi - “Fuck, whatever let’s just go home.”

You and your boyfriend said goodbye to everyone at the cookout after grabbing one last plate. Dabi was clearly pissed, and honestly, you had more than enough time to finish him off, but you loved making him mad because that angry sex always hit different. As you two reached your shared apartment, dabi did not hesitate to pick you up and and carry you to the bedroom, roughly slamming you on the bed and letting his tongue explore your mouth. He slide his hands into your pants and felt your dripping essence through your panties. “You were talking all that shit and you were this wet doll? Just from sucking me off? You realize how much of a fucking whore you are right?” You moaned at his words. “Fuck... w-wait dabi, I wanna go somewhere tonight.”

Dabi - “Hm? We can go after you cum on daddy’s dick doll.”

Y/n - “Nooo, we have to go right now if we want the entree fee to be cheaper.”

Dabi - “Entree fee? Where the fuck do you wanna go?”

Y/n. - “Club Jurmane. please baby please can we go, I’ll do whatever you want when we get home”

Dabi - “Club Jurmane? That ghetto ass club on Sukazoki Avenue?

Y/n - “yes that club”

Dabi- “Fine, go get dressed and let’s go”

Even tho he was pissed at you and still semi-hard, he could never say no to you. Honestly, you’re the only person he’s loved in a really long fucking time.

Dabi was waiting on the couch in black jeans and a turtle neck with a chain as you walked outside the bedroom in a small, thin, and short red dress. “You look like a fucking stripper” was the first thing that came out of his mouth, and “..but it’s sexy dollface.” Was the second “that’s what I thought baby~ now let’s gooo”

9:45- at club Jurmane

You two walked in and it smelled like ass, weed, and Hennessy. Strippers were dancing on the poles, dollar bills were scattered across the floor, everyone was shit faced, the music was bussin, and you were ready to get turnt tf up with your boo. “Baby let’s get some drinks at the bar~” you said as you ushered your boyfriend to take a few shots with you. You two were a little drunk before y’all even had any fun fr. You turned to your dabi and he was holding a blunt in his hand, clearly corssfaded.

Y/n - “Boy where in the fuck did yo ass get a blunt from”

Dabi - “Some random gave it to me, wanna hit babe?”

Y/n - “You shouldn’t accept drugs from strangers... gimme that shit🙄”

You smoked the rest of the blunt and now yo ass was cross faded too. Dabi grabbed your hand and dragged you to the dance floor. Your back was to his, “show me what that ass do dollface” and you did just that. No hands by Waka Flocka was playing, and yo ass was pressed up all on Dabi’s dick, and he was hard as shit. Sum about his girl shaking ass on him just got his spirit going, AND he’s been waiting to bust a nut all damn day.

Dabi - “hey y/n let’s go somewhere private okay doll?”

Y/n - “whatttt c’mon let’s dance a little mo-”

??? - “hey y/n! It’s been so long how are you”

Dabi - “who the fuck are you?”

Y/n - “keigo? Is that you? DAMN you’ve changed, ya know being number 2 hero n all”

Hawks - “I know, you’ve changed a lot too since highschool, still fine as hell tho. By the way, call me hawks in public.”

Dabi - “Yea she is, she’s also my girl”

Hawks - “ah I see... anyways y/n wanna dance? Maybe talk and catch up. You don’t have to though, I know sometimes dancing with your ex can be a little uncomfortable.”

Dabi - “nah, she won’t be danc-”

Y/n - “sure! I mean why tf not. It’s only uncomfortable if we make it.”

And with that, you and hawks were dancing, hanging out, talking, and lowkey flirting. Did you know what you were doing? Yes, yes you fucking did. Don’t get me wrong, you absolutely loved dabi with all your heart, and had no feelings for hawks whatsoever, but you just loved to see that possessive and jealous side of your boyfriend. While mid conversation with hawks, you felt a firm grip on your wrist. “What the fuck do you think your doing doll?” Dabi said through gritted teeth. “what am I not allowed to talk to another person with a dick?” You snapped back. “Not when he’s your ex, and he’s clearly tryna make a move on you. Get the fuck up, we’re leaving.” your boyfriend literally picked you up, and flung you over his shoulder. “Dabi what in the actual fuck, if you don’t put me tf down.” He kicked open the club bathroom door and brought you into a stall.

Dabi - “Turn around and put your hands on the toilet tank.”

Y/n - “No wtf that shit dirty as a bitch”

Dabi grabbed your neck and brought himself to your ear “can’t you just be a good girl for daddy? Huh doll? I’m dying to fuck you..” you turned around and listened to what your boyfriend said. “Good girl...” he said as you heard him unbuckle his belt. His hands brought up your dress and pulled your panties down to the middle of your thighs. He rubbed his fingers along your folds. “Did you get this wet from talking to that fucking bird huh?” You whimpered and shook your head no “o-only for you daddy...” he took his member out of his jeans and slowly sheathed it into your dripping hole. “F-fuuckkkk doll... so damn tight...” he groaned, slowly thrusting into you. He started picking up his pace, giving you them hard, fast, deep, thrusts. “Aah.. fuck.. can’t believe you made me...mm.. wait all day for this pussy doll.” Your mind was going hazy, and your moans were getting uncontrollably loud. “D-dabi, what if someone- aah.. what if someone comes.. haa.. comes inside.” You barely managed to get your words out. Dabi landed a sharp smack on your ass “let them...let them hear who’s making you feel this fucking good dollface.” His words made you clamped around his dick. “Fuck yeaaa... you like that shit? You like when I talk to you like a fucking slut?” You kept getting wetter and wetter. “Y-yes daddy!” Yo ass YELLED that shit. Dabi smacked your ass once more, “cum for daddy doll, show me how fucking good you feel.” He then spread ur ass cheeks out, and slipped his thumb into your tight puckered hole “A-ah Dabi... wtf” you yelled. “You think... fuck... my dick... mm... could fit in here dollface?” He managed to say under his groans. You could tell he was close from the way his dick was twitching inside of you. “F-fuck... I don’t know dabi.” You could feel your orgasm creeping up on you, and you started to clench around him. “Shii.. are you close slut? C’mon cum, cum for daddy..” you came exactly when he told you to while yelling his name. He didn’t stop though, he kept ramming into you even after your orgasm hit, making you shake from the overstimulation. Dabi’s thrusts became erratic, you could tell he was about to cum. “F-Fuck... doll... nngh I’m gonna cum... fuck fuck FUCK.. I’m...cumming...” he gripped ur hips tightly as he came. You felt his hands heat up slightly as he moaned, releasing his thick, creamy cum inside you. Dabi pulled out, but he was still hard. “W-why are you still hard...” you said as you tried to get up. He smacked your ass hard asf “get back down slut, I’m not done with you.” Dabi used his cum from your pussy to lube up your asshole, you whined at the feeling of his fingers violating ur tigh hole. He spread your ass cheeks out and started teasing your hole with the tip of his dick. “W-wait you cant just put your dick in like that-” you felt dabi push the tip in, and you instinctively tried to push it out because of the unfamiliar feeling. “Fuck- dabi that fucking hurts.”

Dabi - “If you don’t relax it’s gonna hurt even more doll..”

Dabi pushed the rest of his member into you ass, and it reached deep inside you. “Fuuckkk... you. Look at you.. my pretty little cum sleeve. You say it hurts but you’re squeezing me so. Damn. Tight. I’m gonna cum again doll..” tears started to stream down your face from the mixture of pain and pleasure you were feeling. “Aw, look at my pretty slut crying, you like this shit don’t you? You like feeling my dick reach deep inside... you’d bend over for that short ass winged bastard again like the fucking whore you are wouldn’t you?” You shook your head no, barely being able to form a coherent sentence. “Fuck doll... your pretty, little, tight ass feels so fucking good.” He groaned, picking up the paste of his thrusts. It still fucking hurt but you liked the balance of the pain mixed in with the pleasure. His thrust became erratic again, he was about to cum for the second time tonight. “Don’t c-cum inside.”

“Huh? If I want to cum in your ass, I’ll come in your ass. Don’t tell me what the fuck to do.”

You felt Dabi’s hot cum fill up your ass, while his deck left your anus. He used his finger to scoop back and cum that dripped out of your holes and put them back inside. He pulled up your panties, and pulled your dress back down then smacked your ass once more “make sure you keep my cum inside you like a good girl? Mmk babe?”

Y/n - “It’s gonna drip down my fucking leg..”

Dabi - “Good.”

When you and dabi walked out the bathroom hawks immediately ran up to you and your boyfriend, taking note of your disheveled dress, teary face, and limp.

Hawks - “y/n what the hell happened? Are you okay?!”

Y/n - “I-I’m okay fr.”

Hawks - “what the fuck did you do to her?”

Dabi - “none of your fucking business Tory Lanez.”

Hawks took note of the white substance dripping down your leg. He put two and two together, and realized what actually just happened in that bathroom.

Hawks - “dude.. your fucking disgusting you know that? y/n deserves better than you.”

Dabi - “oh yea? And you ain’t even 5 feet yet so wassup?”

Dabi started to close the distance between him and hawks, blue flames escaping his hands.

Y/n - “dabi dont-”

Dabi - “nah since his bum ass seems to know everything about our relationship, lemme run his shit up.”

Hawks - “I mean you can fucking try it, fuck I look like losing to a walking piece of beef jerky”

Y/n - “BOTH OF YALL CALM TF DOWN. Hawks don’t come for MY mfing man and Dabi you’re doing way too much let’s just go home okay baby?”

Dabi & hawks - “fine...”

You and dabi reached y’all’s shared apartment, and made way to the bedroom, both of you on the bed.

Dabi - “You shoulda let me beat his ass”

Y/n - “Boyyyy, I wanted to, but I didn’t wanna get my my membership revoked, or the popo pulling up.”

Dabi - “Whatever you shouldn’t have hung out with him, or even let him touch you anyways.”

Y/n - “Awww was my little baby jealous?”

Dabi - “Yes I was fucking jealous. You’re mine.”

Y/n - “As I should be, period”

Dabi - “PeRiOd”

Y/n - “Don’t mock me-”

Dabi - “Hey doll.. you said you’d do anything if we went to that dumb club right?”

Y/n - “Yea... watchu tryna do?”

Dabi - “Stay here doll.”

Dabi left the bedroom and returned with some red rope.

Dabi - “Strip.”

Y/n - “What? Don’t tell me you wanna go again. We fucked twice already and I’m sore as fuck, lets just go to bed.”

Dabi - “I said strip.”

Y/n - “Make me, daddy.”

He grabbed your throat squeezing just enough to make you slightly light headed. “Can you stop acting like a slut for just one second, and do what I fucking say?” He let go of your throat, and you stripped head to toe. “Get back on the bed doll face.” Dabi took your hands above your head and tied them to the headboard. He then took each of your ankles, spread your legs out as far as they could go, and tied each of your feet to the headboard as well. He went into the closet and brought out a vibrating dildo.

Y/n - “so you’re just finna tease me with a dildo that vibrates? Whewww, scary, shiver me timbers...”

Dabi- “patience, baby...by the way the safe word is pumpkin.”

He sat on the bed and brought his face right up next to your pussy. His cum was still leaking out both your holes. He stuck out his tongue and licked your booty hole all the way up to the top of your throbbing clit. “D-dabi-” You whimpered out. “Our juices taste good mixed together doll.” He took the dildo and put the setting on low before slowly sliding it into your cum filled hole. Dabi got up off the bed and started walking towards the door.

Y/n - “Dabi what the fuck? You just finna leave?”

Dabi - “I’ll be back in a few, be patient and wait for daddy, alright?”

—————————30 minutes later————————

you heard the bedroom door creak open, it was dabi and he had a giant box... of sex toys. There was every possible adult toy in there you can imagine. Dildos, vibrators, anal beads, butt plugs, you name it. He put the box on the floor, and sat at th edge of the bed where you where all tied up at. Honestly, at this point you were worn out and tired, ready to pass tf out, but dabi didn’t finish having his fun with you yet.

Y/n - “dabi p-please take it out... I want your dick not this toy...”

Dabi - “did you cum?”

Y/n - “no.. the vibrations were too low..”

Dabi - “good... you’ll only cum when I tell you to, alright?”

Y/n - “and if I don’t?”

Dabi - “You’ll be punished of course.”

Dabi crawled onto the bed and put his crotch level headed with your mouth. He unbuckled and unzipped his pants freeing his cock. There was already Pre-cum leaking from the tip and he smothered it all over your face. “Suck.” He said with a stern voice. You shook your head, “no.” Dabi slapped you across the face, leaving a sharp, stinging, sensation behind. “You’re not in a position to deny me doll.” Honestly, that slap hurt so fucking good. You opened your mouth obediently, as he slipped his cock into your mouth while his hands rested on the headboard. He thrusted into your mouth so roughly and deeply you could feel that shit go up and down your throat, you were gagging all teary eyed. “Fuck yea... you suck my dick so good...” dabi groaned as he threw his back. “Shit, baby... yea keep sucking... ima cum soon..” he thrusted into your mouth a few more times before shooting hot spurts of his cum down ya throat. He pulled out and tucked his cock back into his pants before reaching under the bed and grabbing his pistol. “Since you sucked me off like a good fucking slut, lemme reward you baby.” He said as he teased your wet folds with his gun. “I know yo ass is NOT about to shove a gun up me.” You were scared but lowkey curious as to how it felt “relaaax, I cleaned it before hand, trust me baby. I know how to make you feel good. Don’t you dare cum on it though, you only cum on my cock.” Dabi pushed the head of the gun in your dripping cunt slowly. The cold rigged feeling of the metal felt so fucking good against your tight walls. You let out a moan and tried to arch your back best you could under your restraints. “F-fuck dabi..” you let out a shaky moan. “You like that shit? Fuckkk baby, you’re just swallowing that gun up huh? Does it feel better than my cock? You would take anything up this pretty little pussy wouldn’t you slut?” He started to fuck you with the gun rough and hard. You were about to cum from the gun plus the 30 minutes of low-dildo vibrations you received. You felt your orgasm crashing down on you as you moaned loudly. “You really came from that y/n? I thought I told you not to cum unless on my cock you dirty bitch.” Dabi pulled the gun out of you, covered in your juices and his cum.

Y/n - “what the fuck was I suppose to do? I couldn’t hold that shit it.”

Dabi - “I’ll have to punish you for that doll.”

Dabi untied your hands and feet from the headboard he sat at the edge of the bed and signaled for you to come lay on his lap. “Lay on your stomach doll, ass out.” You did exactly that, he had you on your stomach layed out for him. You felt his hand come down and land a sharp, hard smack on your ass. “Count them”

Dabi - “That was one.”

He landed another smack

Y/n - “t-two”

And another

Y/n - “ah! T-three”

Another

Y/n - “four-”

And one last spank

Y/n - “f-five.”

Dabi - “if you come without my permission one more time it’ll be another five spanks, got it doll?”

Y/n - “yes daddy...”

Dabi - “good girl.”

You sat up and straddled Dabi’s waist, wrapping your legs around him. He reached down into the box and grabbed a vibrating butt plug. Dabi lifted you up and started walking towards the door “where the fuck are we going now?” You asked as he carried you out of the room. “To the bathroom baby, I want you to see how slutty you look when I fuck you.” When you two reached the bathroom he set you down in front of the sink with your back turned to his front. You let your arms rest on the bathroom counter, and bent down for him to have easy access. He pulled out his semi-hard cock and lazily jerked it a few times before rubbing the tip along ur folds. He slid in with one quick thrust, and you moaned loudly. “Shit..No matter how hard I... fuck you... you’re always... so.. fuck haa.. so damn t-tight. Shit.” Your head was buried in your arms as dabi thrusted into you. He grabbed your neck and made you look in the mirror as he railed you senseless. “Fuck doll.. look how pretty you are taking my cock like this. My good fucking girl.” He stuck his fingers in your mouth to lube them up, then brough them down to your asshole. He slid his fingers in and out of your puckered hole to make sure it was wet enough. He grabbed the butt plug and sheathed it into your ass, turning the vibration all the way up. “F-fuck dabi, it’s too m-much, I can’t take it-”

“You can and you will.”

He fuck you so roughly yo could hardly think, let alone make coherent sentences “tell me how fucking good I make you feel. Who’s the only one that has you screaming like this baby.” You really wanted to answer him but all you was able to let out was a slurred “nnn”

“Aww, did I fuck you stupid y/n? Fuck you so good you can’t even talk anymore? My pretty little dumb slut.” His words had you squeezing him tightly, bringing on another orgasm. You felt his dick twitching in you as well. “C’mon y/n cum for me baby, cum on daddy’s dick, I know you have another one in you.” you came at the same time as him. Your tight walls milking his straining cock.

Y/n - “baby...we done? So tired...”

Dabi - “fuck are you talking about? We’re going all night.”

Dabi fucked you over every flat surface in that apartment. The kitchen counter, the living room couch, over tha damn balcony (which was terrify, yo ass almost fell over the ledge), even on the floor.

It was currently 3:29 A.M. in the morning, and you were riding dabi while your hands were handcuffed to your back. He had a glass of whiskey in one hand, and a cigarette in the other. “Yea... bounce in my dick just like that...mm... feels so fucking good.” He finished the rest of his whiskey, and put the glass down on the bedside table so he could rest his hand on your thigh. He grinned and spit in your face as you continued to bounce up and down on his cock. His saliva traveled down to your mouth and you licked that shit tf up. Dabi took his cigarette and put it out on your thigh

Y/n - “H-hurts”

Dabi - “you like it.”

Y/n - “...”

You felt yet another orgasm come up on you, but this time it felt different. Your head felt fuzzy and you body weak. Once you came you vision went blurry and you fainted onto Dabi’s chest.

Dabi - “oh shit.”

—————————————10:30 A.M.————————————

You slowly open to your face being nuzzled in Dabi’s chest

Dabi - “you’re finally awake doll”

Y/n - “what the fuck happened”

Dabi - “you passed out”

Y/n - “how could you fuck someone till they passed ou- ow my entire body fucking hurts, dabi what the fuck?, can you fucking calm down next time?”

Dabi - “you were the one who made me pissed”

Y/n - “boy bye... it wasn’t even that deep.”

Dabi - “not you tried to be on some hot girl summer shit...”

Y/n - “MOVE.”

#dabi x black!reader #bnha x reader #bnha x black!reader #dabi smut #bnha smut #dabi x reader #my writing #fanfic #anime #anime fanfiction #mha dabi #mha fanfiction #mha x reader #dabi my hero academia #dabi is a todoroki #bnha touya #smut #18+

[katslitg]

how the open heart lis would react to you being pregnant. (obvs jackie’s pregnant in her scenario.)

Jackie Varma:

god she’d be pissed!!!!!!

“what do you mean positive??? check the other ten tests!!!!”

“jack, all of them say posi-“ “shut up!!!”

she’d be mad, mostly at herself for not being careful enough

pregnancy on top of money problems is rough

good thing you two already live together

wouldnt acknowledge it until she started showing

“dr varma, ure pregnant???” “yeah, just ignore it.”

shed ignore you at the beginning, not knowing what to do

“jackie, c’mon, you cant keep ignoring me! it takes to two to tango!” “i can and i will,”

when you finally force her to come shopping for baby clothes, supplies, furniture etc, she loves it

“omg look how adorable! can you believe our baby’s feet are this small!”

she’d become insecure further into the pregnancy

“what if im not going to be a good mom, hm?”

“don’t say that, jack, you’ll be a great mom,”

you two would move into the your room, since it had a better view and change her room into a nursery

the boys would help you put everything together.

“bryce, that’s not where its supposed to be- ykw forget it.”

“jesus, dr ramsey do you even know how to-“ bryce would shut up just seeing ethan give him a glare

“see i knew raf would come around to save the day” she’d flirt with him, making him blush

cutest mood swings ever!!!

“all im saying is he’s a fucking jerk and i- ohhh sienna are those donuts?”

jackie would get stressed at the weirdest moments, and you kiss her and cuddle with her to calm her down

“mc, you know i hate kids, why did this have to happen to us!!!!”

she’d slowly come to terms with the fact that she was going to become a parent

god giving birth would scare this woman, and trust me not a lot of things scare her

“mc, what if-“ “jack, breath, everything will be fine!”

when you two found out you’d have a daughter she smiled

“at least i wont have to deal with a little mc” she’d joke

when she got in labour she’d curse at everyone!!!

“AND YOU! YOU MC ARE THE WORST ONE HERE! GETTING ME PREGNANT AND THAN MAKING ME DO THE HARD PART I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!”

“uhhh....”

after a couple of years, the three of you would move into a bigger apartment, still close to the hospital

god, your daughter absolutely lovessssssssss aunt sienna and uncle elijah!!!! these two dorks would hang around with her all the time

“dad, can i stay at aunt sienna’s after school?”

“she’s working today sweetheart but mommy will be there to pick you up”

you two would have some sweet, annoying nicknames for her

love, sweetheart, sugar, honey etc

Bryce Lahela:

he’d be excited and scared

he would freeze when he found the positive pregnancy test in his trashcan

“i wanted to tell you but seems like you already found out,”

he’d shut you out and be less loud at work

“bryce, please talk to me” “uhh, cant have a long shift today”

but one day you’d show up to his apartment, keiki opened the door

“oh hey keiki, is bryce home?” “yeah come in”

youd try to get him to talk but man he was not feeling it

“i just need some space mc,”

wouldnt even take a week for him to come over and apologize to you

“im just not sure if i’d make a good dad, i mean i had two bad examples growing up, what if i-“

youd cut him off with a kiss

“no need to stress, bryce, im certain you will make a great dad!”

you two would have to look for a bigger place, and also someone to fill your spot at the apartment

sienna, elijah and jackie would help you decorate the nursery

“jackie those colours do not match with the blankets i bought” sienna would say while jackie just rolled her eyes

“well maybe you shouldn’ve bought so! many! blankets!” jackie said while holding up multiple blankets

“guys please its mc and bryce’s child we can’t fight over this” elijah was the only one who would think rationally

when you found out you were having a son bryce almost jumped into the air

“a little bryce,,,,” he’d say with heart eyes, making you roll your eyes

when you went into labour, he’d be the one freaking out

“can’t believe im saying this when im the one in labour, but good god bryce calm down!”

uncle raf!!!!! aunt kyra!!!!!

rafael and kyra would absolutely adore your son!!!! theyd fight over whose turn it was to babysit

“kyra, you had him last weekend!” “but mc said he always talks about how fun aunt kyra is!”

“why dont you two take him to the park together? he loves both aunt kyra and uncle rafael equally” bryce would say, making the two adults reluctantly agree

“finally a moment alone with the woman of my dreams” he said the second they left, making you chuckle

keiki would hang out with your son. occasionally.

“aunt keiki can you read me a bedtime story?” “right. im aunt keiki.”

she’d love it secretly

Rafael Averio: (pretending sora doesnt exist here lol)

this man would beam with joy!!!

he had always dreamt of having a big family of his own

“youre pregnant?” “yeah.... i-“ he’d kiss you before you could even say anything else

would brag to everyone about it

“do you guys know im goin-“ “going to be a dad? yes raf you told us like a million times” his paramedic friends would say

it was even funnier when you saw how some people avoided him because of it

would not leave ur side

“jesus ever heard of personal space?” “oops sorry”

he’d be at ur apartment all the time

“raf, not that we don’t enjoy you being here but don’t you idk have other friends?” jackie would try to get him out of the house

sienna’d be fine with it since he would help her cook n bake stuff

“i didnt know you cooked!” “not really just some stuff i picked up from my grandma”

he’d sleep over at your apartment

when you got insecure he’d talk to you and make u forgot about it in a certain way ;)

“what if im not a good mom? or what if your fanily doesn’t approve of me?? oh good god this is not going how i imagined-“ “relax, you know my family loves you, now get over here”

you’d move in with him, and get someone to fill ur spot in the apartment

the two of you going to the senior center together!!!

“now edith you better not get to comfortable” you’d joke, earning a laugh from rafael

kyra and bryce would come over and help with the nursery, of course it was after the boys’ gym day so bryce dragged ethan with them

“hey gu- oh hey dr ramsey!” you’d say with a bright smile when you opened the front door.

“kyra not that i dont love you but what even is this?” “yeah i tried to make a blanket but as you can see it backfired”

“uhm ethan you sure that this is the color we picked out?” bryce would panic, knowing damn well they didnt do the one you asked them to do right

“well good thing aunt kyra did got the good color” she’d go get it from the car while the two men started at her in confussion

when you found out you were having a girl he got super excited

“a little mc running around the house” he’d say, already coming up with names

when you’d go into labour he’d put up a calm gentle persona while in reality he wanted to screammmmm

uncle bryce n aunt jackie!!!

u cant tell me bryce n raf havent become close friends

“hey dad can uncle bryce and aunt jackie stay for dinner?” “sweetie youre ignoring the rest of our guests”

even tho they would admit it bryce and jackie loved babysitting her

“do you want to come with uncle bryce?” “bryce thats enough its MY day!”

his family would come around often, bringing gifts every single time

his grandma would try to get him to propose, earning glares from him

when your daughter heard juliana say something along the lines of “when is the wedding” she’d get super excited!!!

“are you two really getting married??!!”

Ethan Ramsey:

you two would already be in an awkward position bc of the gwyneth thing

what was worse was that he admitted to not wanting to get married and have children

god, that little fight on the way to leland and at house took a toll on you, so when june came to check on you back in the hospital you told her

“so, youre pregnant?” “yeah” you’d sob

she wouldnt force you to tell her who the dad is, but it was obvious

before the fight you’d always come to the diagnostics team’s meetings with a smile on your face but now it was a neutral face or sometimes even a frown

soooo ethan found out. not directly from you, but from june, resulting in another fight

“you told june but not me?” “you dont even want kids i cant just casually bring it up!”

the awkwardness would be there for a while, im talking 2-3 months

“enough already! you two talk this out! not only is this bad enough for the two of you but also for me and baz! think about us! and our patients!” june’d snap one day

you’d talk it out, still awkward around each other

“jesus, ethan we can’t keep doing this, i have an appointment to check on the little one, you want to join?” you would try to keep the awkwardness at a certain level, he’d nod with a smile on his face

so when he found out he was having a son, he’d be happy, still very scared but very happy

“im sorry, mc. i acted as a jerk and didnt listen to your needs. i want to be in your and our baby’s lives.”

he’d ask you to move in with him, which you reluctantly agreed to, i mean there wasnt even enough space for a nursery in your apartment

sienna would invite herself and elijah over to help you with the nursery , since they knew about you two since that time after the hearing

“thank you, trinh,” ethan would say as he accepted the cookies she had baked

“i helped too. just so you know” elijah chimed in, earning a chuckle from you

god labour was the worst, you had to do an emergency c section since it was a bit too early for the baby to be born

so when they send your son off to the nicu, ethan would be there the whole time, very worried

“dr ramsey, you should go we’ll take care of him” the nurses would try to get him out of there with no luck, “no its fine i just want to stay here”

when you two could finally go home he would make sure to never youre side

“mc do you need anything? want me to bring you something to drink? maybe an extra blanke-“ “ethan shut uppppppppppppppppp its 3 am”

of course your friends would come over but not as often since they had to take care of their interns and stuff

uncle baz and aunt june!!!!!

“AUNT JUNE!!!!” he’d yell when you, june and baz picked him up from the daycare at the hospital

“wow so youre just ignoring uncle baz?” baz would act hurt, making the boy laugh

#hope this is sorta ok lmfao #open heart #jackie varma #bryce lahela #rafael aveiro #ethan ramsey #jackie x mc #bryce x mc #rafael x mc #ethan x mc #open heart hc #headcanon

[key-slam]

Late posting again bcos i was tired last night (sorry to my dear fans that were disappointed by not having a post to read yesterday)

July 18th 2021

Woke up without a headache, very thankful for that. Got ready for work. When I got there the computer i clocked in on said happy birthday but it used my deadname. It was really busy today. Mostly old people or people who were at pride or old people who were at pride. Met some deaf people which really made me wish that I had been able to learn sign language like my cousins did. Inner city schools never offer sign language. Ill learn it one day. We had another catering order but I wasn't there for when it was cooked. I just did some of the sides. I made myself a churro which absolutely fucked. When i clocked out the computer did the thing again and i yelled ew when i saw my deadname. When i got home my plans to play minecraft with my friends fell through. It was my fault though. I didnt express why I wanted to play with them plus i only let them know a few days before, and its not like I could change their schedule either. I mean it was fine, I can play minecraft with them any day. I guess it just hurt a little because it was my birthday lol. My grandma said she was gonna call me when i got off work but since my phones shitty i didnt get a notif. I just watched youtube alone for most of the day. My family went to menards without me. I would've loved to go but I was still under the impression that my friends were gonna play minecraft lol. They still got me a monster though. I started to get a headache which sucked but is was minor compared to the last couple i had. But i was very nauseous so that sucked. My dad got me a laptop, its not refurbished this time so thats good. Its way smaller than my current one but it looks like it has a better screen so hopefully I dont get washed out colours while drawing. Oh yeah i forgot to say that i finished my art on the phone w spike. I think its one of my best pieces. I may post it with some things blacked out. My sister didnt get me anything but thats my fault cause i never sent her a link to the flag i wanted. I dont even want a pride flag. Idk why i told her that. Maybe ill get a different flag, like for another musician. My bday cake sucked. Its okay but the frosting is too sweet for me. I dont like cake so idk why i got one. My mom called asking abt my grandma, apparently she did call but y'know because of my phone i didnt get it. She yelled at me. The whole time she was saying she wasnt but Sydney could here her through the phone. I dont know why shes like this. I cried. After that i just got a wave of depression and dysphoria. Dissociation started and lasted the rest of the night, sucked real bad. My night continued being shitty but several of my partners sent me nudes so that was banger. Horny dysphoria loophole lol. I called w kory but it was past midnight so we only texted. This wasn't necessarily the worst birthday ive had but y'know at this point i cant really rank them anymore. Especially after 2019. I guess this year really made me miss moss. I know we're still friends but i dont think theyd be comfortable hanging out with me. Idk, life just sucks lol.

#july 18th 2021 #journaling #daily journal