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hey-kae · 1 year

Note

In love with all you fics! Ugh I’ve read them multiple times bcs I can’t get enough of them. I was wondering if you could do one where Max is with Kelly (or just a random OC with a kid) but has a baby girl with the reader. The readers daughter is doubting Max’s love for her since she sees how much time he spends with his girlfriend child. And the reader and Max don’t exactly have the best relationship since it was only supposed to be a one night stand but they are now bonded for life. Can the reader be very shy, understanding of Max’s situation and caring but when it comes to her baby she takes out her claws. Idk I just love me some f1!Dad lol The reader can either end up with Max or another driver I just want some good angst with a fluff ending 🥲

Seamless Transition

Pairing: dad!max verstappen x female reader

Warnings: Language, mentions and implication of sex, mention of pregnancy.

a/n: in a hypothetical, unrealistic world where i have a child with Max, my only request would be for jos to stay tf away from my kid💀 i switched kelly with an oc cause i don’t feel comfortable writing about irl partners in situations like these. anyway, i hope you enjoy this! Feedback is appreciated… (i’m happy u enjoy my writing, anon!!💕)

“Pa” is dutch for “dad” apparently…

All throughout your life, there's always been one sentence that felt provocative and almost stupid, one that was widely known, widely repeated and reused, ringing in your ear as it rolled off different tongues, with different tones and accents but the same challenging certainty crippling behind its words.

"Your whole life can change in a day." People would insist and you would absolutely refuse to believe in such saying, until you found yourself staring at a positive pregnancy test that was definitely supposed to come out negative; at least you were hoping and praying that it would.

Instead, the plus sign felt like a mocking nemesis, pointing a ridiculing finger at you and laughing its heart out as the memories from over a week ago played, replayed, and rewinded in your mind like a broken record you couldn't stop the spin of. The only thing left for you to see was the hazy, blurry image of Max on top of you as the two of you engaged in a drunken mistake that left its permanent mark on your lives in the form of a child.

Was it exactly the right time for a baby to show up in your life? No, far from it, but that mistake ended up giving you the most precious gift of your lifetime, a baby girl that quickly became the one person in this wicked world that you'd be more than ready to defend with your blood and life.

Fast forward four years, it was safe to say that little Lilly Verstappen was the center of your world and the most important person in your life by a long shot. She was a ball of sunshine that lit up your days with the smallest of smiles and a tiny glimpse of her sparkling blue eyes.

Her features were a mix of you and Max. It was like she chose the best out of each of her parents and adopted it as her own.

At the time, telling Max that you were pregnant was the most nerve wracking thing you'd ever done, rightfully so since the two of you were merely friends that hooked up, acquaintances that didn't exactly get along smoothly but shared a night together as more of an accurate description. There is no denying that the both of you freaked out about the outcome but Max was supportive nonetheless. Sure, everything between you and him was tense but he was still just as understanding as you were. Eventually, you had come to the conclusion that parenting a child together wouldn't be the worst thing. You'd be able to manage it.

He gets to see her on his free days where he's home and you get to keep her when he's away, bar a few weekends where he invited you to watch the grand prix so his daughter could watch him race, as per her own request a few months after after she started talking.

However, it should've been obvious that things were too smooth sailing for the peace to last. You, Max and Lilly often dined together from time to time to give her the best out of a not so ideal situation, a taste of having both her parents by her side at the same time. Many afternoons were spent with you over at Max's apartment or his at yours with toys spread out on the floor and the three of you entertaining Lilly as best as you could, sometimes even putting her to sleep together only to fall into a tense and awkward silence that threatened to explode within seconds when her eyes would fall shut. Despite everything, things had went as far as taking road-trips together and enjoying your daughter's sweet moments and giggles on the way to whatever destination Max planned to surprise her with.

To put it briefly, besides the bond Max shared with his daughter, you were now somewhat used to his presence. To a certain degree, the lines of just co-parenting that you agreed on had blurred.

All was perfectly well until Max sat you down and told you he was dating someone and that she had a kid as well, both of you questioning how his time with Lilly would be affected by the presence of another woman, Valerie and another child around. He told you that maybe they can be friends, the other kid also being a girl, Ella and just a few months older than Lilly.

That conversation happened around a year ago and while there never was any bad blood between you and Max's girlfriend, it seemed like things weren't as smooth sailing on Lilly's side.

One day, as Max dropped off Lilly at your place, you noticed a frown on your daughter's face, her hand up to her mouth as she bit her nails with her head slightly bowed. It was an unmistakable expression.

"Is everything okay?" You asked Max as you picked Lilly up, her arms wrapping around your neck immediately.

"She seems a little upset but she wouldn't tell me why." He explained, reaching over and fluffing Lilly's hair.

"You don't wanna say goodbye to pa, angel?" He asked her softly.

She twisted in your arms and wrapped him in a hug, giving him a kiss on the cheek while he smiled and rubbed her back.

"Bye-bye, pa." Her small voice spoke.

"I will see you in a week, princess. Okay?"

With that and a small nod from Lilly, Max left, closing the door behind him as you carried your daughter inside, into the living room where she got preoccupied with a coloring book and some pencils while you eyed her attentively as she began scribbling onto the already messy pages.

"Hey, Lilly." You called to catch her attention, "How was your time with pa, sweetie?"

Moving to sit by her side, you pulled her onto your lap, brushing her soft blonde hair behind her ears. She carried the coloring book over and kept coloring as you kissed her head.

"It was okay." She replied with a small shrug.

"What did you do? Did you have fun with him?"

She smiled and nodded, "He got us ice-cream and i helped him to train then we we played with Poot and small cars." She gushed, tossing one coloring pencil on the floor and hopping off to grab her purple teddy bear at the mention of his name.

"That's good, princess." You watched her dig through her bag for the bear, in your mind a million different thoughts because she still wasn't acting normally.

Usually, she'd be gushing about her time with Max when he dropped her off, talking, telling and retelling you every detail until she fell asleep but it seemed like you had to pull the information out of her this time, and coupled with the upset face she had on earlier, it left you suspicious.

Figuring you'd have to find out about what went wrong in a different way, you decided to change the subject.

"What do you want for dinner?"

Following that and her answer to the question, the two of you headed for the kitchen where she sat by the table in the corner, drawing on loose papers while you cooked for the two of you, then you told Lilly to put away her pens and papers in her room and you set the table to eat when she came back.

The night went smoothly after dinner. You got Lilly to shower then dried her hair before putting her to bed early for school tomorrow then left her room to retrieve the laundry from the dryer, folding each item neatly and separating the clothes into two stacks, yours and Lilly's.

On your way to your room, you stopped by your daughter's room to drop off her clothes.

Not wanting to disturb her slumber, you placed the stack on her desk and figured you'd just put them away tomorrow morning. However, as you picked the laundry basket back up, you noticed some interesting drawings on some of the papers on the desk.

With a deep set frown twisting your expression, you picked up the papers, tossed them in the basket and rushed to your room.

Laundry was long forgotten as you launched yourself onto your bed with Lilly's drawings in your hand.

Paper after paper, you scanned her various drawings of stick figures. Each one was drawn in a different color and you knew your daughter enough to know who each color symbolized.

A purple stick figure with blonde, or rather yellow hair was always drawn at a distance from everyone else, often times at the bottom corner of the page, with a sad expression drawn onto its face.

Your heart shattered because purple was her favorite color. Purple was her.

The other people portrayed were often holding hands, two tall figures on the sides with a smaller one in the middle.

The only other time someone was drawn alongside the purple stick figure on the bottom was in one drawing and the person symbolized was taller than the one in purple and was scribbled in dark green, a color you often chose to buy your things in.

You were bewildered as you stared at the papers, dropped them on the mattress then picking them up again to stare some more.

Was Lilly feeling neglected when she spent time with Max?

Every additional detail you noticed in the drawings angered you more, especially her attempt the draw a tongue poking out of the smaller stick figure between the two tall ones, Ella presumably.

While the little girl always seemed polite and harmless, it wasn't a secret how mean children could be.

You'd have to talk to Max about this.

Within seconds, your phone was in your clutch, ready to call Lilly's father but something stopped you. You needed to ask Lilly about her drawings first, about how things were between her and Max and how things were between her and Ella.

The plush mattress welcomed you with open arms as you fell back onto it, sighing heavily as the thought of your daughter feeling left out. Needless to say, it was a sleepless night for you. You sat in bed, pondering the possible situations and conversations you'd have to have in the morning.

You just hoped it would all work out at the end, that everything you were assuming would be just that, assumptions, because you might be completely understanding of Max's relationship and job, but nothing would be stopping you from defending your daughter and making sure she's getting the treatment and care she deserves.

Max was so insistent that he wanted to be in her life, wanted to be her dad, so he better be acting like it.

—

At sunrise, you were up and so was Lilly, tired eyes watching you as she ate her breakfast at the kitchen table and you prepared her school lunchbox. Despite complaints and grumblings, she had gotten dressed and sat in front of you for you to do her hair.

However, as you rushed through the different morning chores and rituals, only one thing was on your mind. How the hell we you supposed to bring up last night's subject to Lilly in a way that wouldn't cause her to repress whatever was happening?

Max usually called before school to chat with her a bit and say good morning. After the phone call would be a perfect opportunity.

A few minutes later, you grabbed your car keys and your daughter bag and just like always, as you headed for the front door, your phone rang and Max's name flashed on the screen.

You handed Lilly the phone and she immediately answered, pressing the device to her ear while the two of you walked to the car, your hand holding onto her free one.

In the silence of the vehicle, you listened in on the conversationsr as you started driving.

"Choco corn flakes and milk." Lilly's small voice replied to Max who was probably asking her about her breakfast.

"No, pa. I didn't have homework. I was with you yesterday, silly." A small giggle echoed in the car.

...

The conversation went on for a few minutes, leaving you about 10 other to interrogate Lilly.

"Daddy says hi to you." She smiled at you and handed you the phone when she hung up.

"Oh. Daddy is the best, isn't he?" You tested with a false grin.

"Yeah." Lilly hummed half heartedly and you gripped onto that loose thread as you took a left turn.

"You have fun with him and Ella when you're at his place?"

"Yes, mommy. But pa and Ella have more fun together." She shrugged her shoulders, "They laugh so much, sometimes i don't know why. Maybe he loves her more, because he wants to marry her mommy."

Your heart broke at the way her voice shifted from cheery to dull and tinged with disappointment. From what you saw, Max was a good father, but obviously you couldn't be there for all the time he spends with Lilly so you clearly can't be sure of how well he's fulfilling the role of a dad.

You slowed the car down a little. Some delay from school wouldn't be much of a deal, especially in this case.

"You don't like being at pa's place? Does he not play with you?" You asked cautiously, not wanting to feed into the idea that Max doesn't love her as much as he loves Ella, because despite that statement being the main thought claiming your mind, you wouldn't want to lead Lilly to believe in that further.

"I just get bored sometimes, when pa is with Ella or Valerie. But it's okay. I'm a big girl and big girls sit alone like grown ups sometimes."

You hummed to show her you were listening and miraculously, she carried on talking, "I know pa loves Valerie but she's a meanie. She shouts all the time."

Your heart was beating increasingly fast, "She does, baby? Has she ever shouted at you?"

"No." She replied too fast.

"Lilly, don't lie to mommy. No one is allowed to scream at you, princess so if anyone does, you need to tell me." You said with a gentle voice.

"Sometimes she shouts at me... but it's okay, because she shouts at Ella too."

Just as she spit that out, you pulled up in front of her school, your heart heavy with Lilly's thoughts now and your mind turbulent with worry over your daughter's feelings. You were already planning Max's murder... and maybe Valerie's.

You dropped her off and drove back home like a mad woman. Before even making your way up to your apartment, your phone was against your ear, ringing as you waited for Max to pick up.

"What's up?" His chill voice asked.

"We need to talk. Come over." You hung up and stormed upstairs.

The half hour it took Max to arrive and knock at you door seemed to last forever and ever but when the doorbell finally rang and echoed through the apartment, you swung it open harshly and was met with confused blue eyes and furrowed brows.

"What's happening? Is Lilly okay?"

"Get in, Max." You gestured inside and moved out of the way.

Max was clueless and confused as he walked inside the familiar, calm apartment and sat down on the couch centering the living room, looking behind him to watch as you walked over and sat in a loveseat on his side, a troubled, unsettling look on your face.

"Look, i don't wanna come off as rude but you out of all people know that i will always go out of my way and try my hardest to protect Lilly and make sure she's happy." You started lightly, making Max slightly nervous. He leaned forward so his arms were resting on his knees, his expression showing hints of worry now as he gaped at you.

"What? Protect her from what exactly? I don't understand." He asked.

"Are Lilly and Ella on good terms?" A blunt question left your mouth.

Max's eyes widened for a mere second as he absorbed the shock of such interrogation. In his head, he searched through all the memories he had of the two young girls together, no red flags making themselves known. He was wondering where all of this was coming from too.

"I don't think i've seen them disagree or fight. Why?" He answered but you didn't acknowledge his question.

"What exactly do you guys do when Lilly's staying at your place? How do you pass time?" You felt like a detective and you hated it but you needed to know everything, needed Max to know how his daughter felt and see his reaction to it, see if he was taking his role as her dad seriously.

"Like normally, really. Breakfast, playing, training, lunch, a drive around or a walk, maybe going to a park, then dinner and just some sitting around before going to bed. You need to tell me if something is wrong." He explained then returned back to wondering why did it seem so urgent that he comes over if this is what you wanted to talk about.

"Max, do you pay attention to Lilly's mood when she's with you?" Desperation and frustration were starting to lace your voice and slip out between words as you watched Max frown.

"Why do i feel like you're hiding something and throwing accusations? I'm Lilly's dad. I need to know if something is going on." He started getting angry.

"Are you acting like it? You practically begged to be in her life. You repeated it a thousand fucking times that you can be the dad she deserves. Are you actually doing that?" You got up and found yourself pacing behind the couch where Max was sat.

"What the hell? What the fuck makes you think i'm not properly taking care of her? Fucking tell me." He turned in his seat to look at your constantly moving figure, his eyebrows raised and his mouth agape in a mix of anger and confusion.

"She did, Max! She made me think that." You shouted, "She was saying things like how it's okay that she sits alone and gets bored and, fuck- just feeling left out."

"What?" He was shocked, the words you said making him stand to his feet, properly turning around to look at you.

"Look, i've always been understanding of your job, of your relationship, of the presence of another child in your life but never, never will i ever tolerate knowing my daughter is feeling left out and alone when she's with you. I grew up feeling that way, lonely and i sure as fuck won't allow that to happen to Lilly." You were furious with how calm he was about this while your blood was a mere celsius away from boiling. Not once in your life were you ever this angry but when Lilly was on the line, you were a different person.

"I promise you, i never leave her alone." He defended.

"Then why did she say you love Ella more than her? Tell me why?" You shouted, "You want to be her dad, act like it!" You were teetering close on the edge of loosing all composure and control.

"I'm trying!" He shouted back, "You gotta keep it in mind that this is new to me. This is my first time having a kid of my own! Just because you so naturally adjusted to it, it doesn't mean that it's gonna come so effortlessly for me too. I'm trying to make the best out an unconventional and weird situation, I'm really trying to be a good dad for Lilly."

You fell silent and leaned against the back of the couch, rubbing at your forehead out of stress, the wrinkles of a frown creasing your skin as your thoughts raced.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could see a fidgety Max.

He cared. You didn't know him that much but you definitely knew him enough to realize and see that. He was clearly trying but was also failing at some part of the whole parenting role without even realizing.

Like he said, having a child was something that both of you were continuously getting used to so, to some degree, you couldn't blame him.

"We should stop screaming at each other. It wouldn't be good to go back to fighting." He referred to the earlier days before the hookup and the pregnancy, where you and Max in the same room inevitably meant an incoming explosion.

"Yeah." You muttered, "Yeah, you're right."

You eyed him cautiously, not knowing where to go from here.

Luckily, he gave you a small smile and patted the space beside him on the couch, "Come here. We need to figure out a solution. I really want the best for Lilly."

You sighed and allowed your shoulders to drop, ignoring the little tingling in your heart at the way Max was smiling at you. You just took a seat at a comfortable distance from him, slacking against the back cushions of the sofa and pulling a pillow into your lap for comfort, all while Max watched your moves attentively.

"Tell me what she said first. We need to figure out where things went to shit first, right?"

"Yeah, that's a good call." You confirmed as you picked at the skin by your nails, "She said that you and Ella have more fun together, that you laugh more and she doesn't know why..."

"Okay..."

"That you love Ella more because you're in love with her mother. I think that's the thing that i hated hearing, because i understand not being able to give her your undivided attention all the time but i just don't want her to feel like her dad is favoring someone else over her, you know?" You teared up at the thought of Lilly not having the assurance that both her parents love her.

Taking notice of your glistening eyes, Max patted your shoulder, taking you by surprise. It had you thinking how weird it, two people who have literally seen and touched almost all of each other's bodies at some point, being so awkward about a touch to the shoulder that lasted maybe a total of 3 seconds.

"We'll figure it out. Lilly will always be my priority. I will make up for everything, i promise." He reassured, breaking you out of your thoughts, "One more question, because i need to know this to figure out a plan."

You sighed, "Okay... Shoot."

"Is she fighting with Ella? Like... Do they get along okay? Did she mention anything about their relationship?"

You cringed at that. You were gonna have to tell him about the way Valerie plays into this.

"What?" He questioned once he noticed your expression, "What is it? They don't get along, do they?" He asked and watched you struggle to put words together.

"She didn't mention Ella much." You started.

"Okay..." He frowned, "I've never heard or seen them fight so i kind of knew that."

"Yeah..." You hesitated, "Max, do you remember how we agreed to never shout at Lilly? And to never let anyone shout at her either?"

He nodded.

"Valerie kinda... screamed at her, but she thinks it's okay because Ella gets screamed at too." You said with a low voice.

"What?" Max was surprised, "I talked to her many times about our rules that we follow with Lilly and she told me she respects that."

You sat in silence for a while, not knowing what to say while Max's head raced with how much he hadn't been noticing about the time his daughter spent at his place.

He wanted his house to feel comfortable for Lilly, for her to feel just as at home as she did in your apartment, so he couldn't really help thinking that he failed at that, failed at reserving enough attention to his daughter.

"Do you think i'm a bad father?" He asked.

"I never said that, Max." You felt a hint of guilt at the thought of making him feel that way.

"No, be honest, because i feel like i shouldn't take care of Lilly alone anymore if i don't notice all this shit." He blurted with his eyebrows raised then he pursed him lips.

"Please, don't say that. It's not what i meant. I don't expect you to be perfect." You sighed, "I'm not a perfect mother either but that's because we're humans, because we're still figuring out this whole parenting thing, and honestly, i feel like figuring it out isn't something that ever ends."

Subconsciously, your hand landed comfortingly on his shoulder, "You try your hardest to be a good presence in your daughter's life, i can see that, it's just that she's growing up. She can understand and speculate about everything around her now, so we just need to be better at regarding her feelings and making sure not to give her wrong impressions."

He rubbed at his eyes with frustration seizing his muscles and finally allowed his back to meet the cushions behind him as he nodded.

"I'm gonna need your help for a while, though. Just to understand what to change." Max mumbled.

You smiled, "Don't worry, I'm always happy to help."

"Thank you."

A quiet few minutes of silence followed then Max got up to leave.

"I need to talk to Val." He groaned as he grabbed his phone and keys.

"I hope everything goes well." You wished.

"Yeah." He replied nonchalantly, "How about i pick you up later and we go get her from school together? We can go eat somewhere, just the three of us."

Smiling, you nodded and walked with him to the door.

"See you later, then." He said just as he starting walking down the stairs.

You shut the door while trying to figure out the feeling in you chest and why something was telling you today would be the start of major changes in your life and Lilly's.

—

Following that day, everything seemed to work itself out.

Max picked you up as planned and everything went really well. On the way to get Lilly from school, he told you he talked extensively with Valerie and that lead to a fight, and a breakup.

Worried that he would be thinking that was what you wanted, you were quick to show support.

"Is everything okay?" You asked and he quickly nodded, giving you a quick glance and smile as he drove.

"I really didn't mean for the two of you to break up. I know you love her and Ella and want-" You couldn't help rushing.

"Hey, hey," he interrupted, "i told you. Everything's okay. It was a long time coming kinda thing. Don't blame yourself, please."

As days went on, Max made it a point to come up with plans for the three of you and the first time he had Lilly staying with him afterwards, he got her to invite you for dinner, something that became a repeated pattern and for some reason, your heart was starting to beat faster at every invite and every smile Max would give you.

It wasn't much later when you realized you were catching feelings for the father of your child and you weren't quite sure what to do about that.

A month later, on an afternoon when you were meant to pick up Lilly from Max's place, he opened the door for you and instead of letting you in, he stepped out and closed the front door behind him.

"Can we talk?" He asked with his hands stuffed in his jeans' pockets.

"But... Lilly..." you pointed to the door.

"Mom is there with her." Max reassured that your daughter wasn't on her own and proceeded to guide you away.

With your eyes narrowed in suspicion, you followed him, your nerves getting worse by the second.

"So, car ride or a walk?" He asked once you were out of the building.

Frowning, you tilted your head to the side and responded, "Walking's fine."

Max nodded and so the two of you began taking small steps along the sidewalk.

Silence reigned for a while. You couldn't really figure out anything to say and it was rather obvious that Max was planning the approach to whatever he wanted to talk about in his head.

By the time he spoke up, the two of you were a few buildings away.

"I've been really enjoying our time with Lilly." He awkwardly said and if anything, that confused you more.

"Yeah, it's been good." You agreed with a nod.

"I like it when it's just the three of us." Max continued.

"I like it too. I want Lilly to have as many normal experiences as possible."

For some reason, the silence returned after that. Meanwhile, your heart had begun racing out of control as you laid out the various paths that this conversation would take, the one outcome you wished you'd end up with being repressed and avoided. Instead, you found yourself considering other options.

What is something happened with Lilly?

Are they not getting along?

Does he want to change anything about their relationship? Or about the way the two of you parent her?

...

What if he was dating someone new?

Sure, it has barely been a month since his breakup but according to the pieces of information you'd pick during your time with him, and Lilly of course, you'd concluded that he wasn't actually in love with Valerie.

Interrupting your thoughts, Max sighed heavily by your side.

"You know, I'm trying hard to be smooth with this but-" he chuckled, "I'm clearly shit at that."

"How about you tell me what this is about as a head-start..." you suggested.

Max nodded and seemed to calculate his words for a mere second, "The nature of our... relationship?" He hesitated.

"Oh..." You let your confusion show, "What about it?"

He fiddled with his hands for a while before finally speaking, "I wanna try- No. I wanna ask you if you would agree to trying something new."

The determination in his voice confused you even further.

"New... Like, how?"

"Would you be open to the idea of a date? No Lilly, just me and you going somewhere nice together."

You stopped dead in your tracks and stared at Max like you were speculating if he was serious, all while your heart was dancing to an unknown tune that had slowly been becoming its favorite.

"I know this can be potentially risky, because what if we actually date and - i don't want it to seem like I'm getting ahead of myself - get in a relationship? It could complicate things with Lilly and shit but we've been co-parenting for four years now even though we hated each other's guts so, really, we're capable of working through anything." He took a breath, "I just want something more with you. I really like you, so much more than as just Lilly's mom. Just consider it 'cause i just think we would have something good, that we'd be worth a shot, you know? I've been thinki-"

"Max!" You interrupted his rant with a chuckle of his name and a wide smile, "Breathe, please."

"So?" He seemed nervous as he asked and you found it adorable.

"I'll go on a date with you." You nodded with a big smile, making Max grin so wide.

—

From that point on, everything is just history.

The first date went so amazingly well that the second followed so soon after it, then a third, and on the fourth, Max asked you to be his girlfriend and you instantly agreed.

The transition was practically seamless.

Lilly was over the moon once she noticed the nature of your interactions with Max shift. The first night she got to spend the night with both her mom and dad under the same roof as her, she was absolutely beaming.

Things between you and Max were going so well, it almost seemed surreal, but both of you, and Lilly of course, couldn't be happier that it was in fact your reality.

A few months into the relationship, you and Lilly fully moved in with him and the first free weekend morning spent there, you woke up to them making breakfast together.

It was a moment you truly cherished, when you walked into the kitchen to find Max holding his daughter on his shoulders so she'd be able to grab plates from the high cupboards, both of them displaying big and genuine smiles.

"I feel left out, I'm not gonna lie." You walked in joking, effectively grabbing both their attentions.

The three of you had a delicious and peaceful breakfast together and when Lilly finished eating and ran off to her room, Max moved you off your chair and onto his lap, his eyes locking with yours. Your legs were dangling off of one side, your arms hooking behind his neck as you kissed his lips lightly.

He smiled at you and pulled you back in, keeping the curve of his lips throughout the short peck.

When he pulled away, his grin grew and he brushed his hand through the front strands of your hair, securing it behind your ear.

"I love you." He spoke softly and, like always, it made your heart pound.

"I love you too, Max."

Just like that, the two people from five years ago who couldn’t be in the same room for over three minutes without fighting were long gone.

And just like that, everything worked out in a way that no one expected it to but in the idealist of ways possible.

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dimdiamond · 1 month

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I have so many mixed feelings on Toshiro (aka Shuro).

Like he has the DADDY issues ever. Laios has too but Laios is in the opposite direction of "I'll never make my father proud, I can as well do my thing" while Toshiro is still trying to follow his father's wish and demands.

Like he couldn't care LESS about his servants. He doesn't treat them badly but he barely treats them. Does he even know their names? (Yes, it's because of daddy issues but at some point we have to stop accusing the parent and start to see our own faults)

Like he was just a boy who liked bugs and getting dirty. And then saw Falin who liked bugs and didn't mind getting dirty and thought "if I take her as my wife and my dad meets her and finds her interesting then maybe he will finally find me interesting too".

Like he showed more than necessary interest for another human being and he made it his whole character (oh, yeah, I'm the one who loves Falin, look how long I can go on sacrificing my needs for her SHUT UP YOU'RE DOING IT BECAUSE YOU FEEL GUILTY AND HOPELESS NOT FOR FALIN'S SAKE).

Like he had ONE person to find him interesting and he couldn't be sincerely thoughtful towards him. Yes, I know how it is to spend time with someone you find boring and have no connection but it is unfair to let the other be in the dark and I am the one who is in wrong here, not the other person, no matter how much they irritate me. Do I think Toshiro finally snapping and fighting with Laios is a good thing for both of them and their future friendship? Absolutely. Do I also find it cruel towards Laios? Absolutely, the boy becomes even more insecure after that, Toshiro could handle it better.

Yes, it is a cultural thing as well and I am aware Asians and, specifically for this character, Japanese have different approach in socialising and what is proper and acceptable, and I see how Laios and Toshiro show the clash between ignorant white man and Asian man that suffers from it, but we can't ignore that there are other Asian characters who don't act like him. Izutsumi? Rin? Heck, even Kabru could be considered! Others too! Even Toshiro's brothers and family! They're all different characters thar deal with their identity and their own trauma and experiences in their own way (and let's not forget they're not the focus of the story so we can't know everything about them or how they would react to everything or even their thoughts).

Could Toshiro be neurodivergent as well and had learnt to mask? It's very possible and it would make sense in many aspects of his character!

Is he a bad guy? No, of course not! Has he made mistakes? Many, of course! Has he shown good qualities? I doubt Laios party would consider him a friend if he hadn't and after his fight with Laios he gives the bell to Laios and still wants to help in whatever way he can.

As most of dunmeshi characters, he falls too close to reality and he gives me mixed feelings- even relating to him some times! But I can't deny the fact that, although an interesting character and rightfully liked by many fans, if I met someone like him irl I would dislike him.

#why is he like that #btw this isn't hating him #the character is fine and necessary for the plot i am just not his fan lol #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #shuro dungeon meshi #toshiro dungeon meshi

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smileycarat · 9 months

Text

delulu thoughts: jun ver

so we all saw the trailer huh?

imagine that irl

well kinda, but more soft?

i do believe that jun would be more carefree with giving with his affection toward you

the switch between being friends to a relationship was pretty seamless between both of you

your friends only caught on that you had taken the next step was that you were both now exchanging kisses in greeting instead of the regular side hugs

jun is so sweet when it comes to take care of you

if he’s the first to wake up, expect there to be some sort of breakfast for you being made, whether or not it’s a piece of toast is not the question (it’s the thought that counts)

when you both began sleeping in the same bed long before you became a couple, you invested in a sleeping mask for him

you had the scare of a lifetime when you turned to your side and were face to face with him sleeping with his eyes open

immediately, the first thing you did the next day was buy a sleeping mask for him djdjkd

he just laughed at you

if you wear his shirts to bed, i can imagine him putting on an article of clothing of yours, no matter how it looks on him

he WILL strike a pose or two

he’s just so silly sometimes really

this man always knows how to make you laugh

i imagine him being the PERFECT wedding date

he will be the first to suggest matching outfits

will buy you that one accessory that you stared at a second too long without a doubt

he is nothing but a gentleman to all your relatives

the kids in the wedding LOVEEE HIM

he is not afraid to get his clothes dirty while he lets your younger cousins chase him across the field

always comes back to you though

sits as close as your chairs will allow during the dinner

and slow dances with you

you can bet all your money that everyone wants a dance with him (you’re proven right when even the bride asks for a dance with him) (he gives you one of these looks •_•)

he is totally the type to teach you phrases in languages that you don’t know

however, he does trick you with a few curse words here and there but that’s like a given with learning any language

one of my favorite things ever about jun is that despite how silly and goofy he can be, he is just so caring too??

i could see him being the type to stay up with you while you finish up on a paper, regardless of how tired he is from being in the dance studio

whenever he’s away for work, he always makes sure to bring you a souvenir from wherever he goes as well as his favorite snacks from that place

fans are familiar with you already because he’s not too worried about keeping your relationship a secret

i mean he has a picture of the two of you as his lock screen for goodness sake HAHA

when it comes to his turn for his speech after his members at an event, he keeps it simple with a “this is for you, i love you”

fans went CRAZYYY for the way he smiled at the camera (sheesh me too tho)

fans have had a few interactions with you when they run into you in public, and they always say how you’re so nice and how you would even offer to take a picture of them with jun

(jun was flabbergasted when fans then asked him if he could take a picture of them with you (he obvi happily did so, even suggested group selfie of all of you))

(the picture went viral)

on your birthday, he buys you the cutest small cake that is enough for the both of you

and he wakes you up by singing happy birthday as he carries the cake in

it becomes a tradition to begin birthdays with eating cake for breakfast together in bed

taglist:

@fandems @minmingsstuff

#seventeen #seventeen headcanons #seventeen x reader #seventeen jun #seventeen junhui #seventeen wen junhui #wen junhui #jun #delulu thoughts #embabbles #seventeen x you #seventeen fluff #seventeen imagines #seventeen drabbles #jun x reader #reader insert #svt x reader #x reader

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ellie-probably · 5 months

Text

little note for one of my friends

one of my friends was questioning as aro-spec so i thought i would maybe give a few terms here

greyromantic/grayromantic - experiencing romantic attraction at a lesser frequency or intensity as the societal "normal" person. this happens to be me!!! it also doesnt exclude different attraction types

lithromantic - you like people... but you have absolutely no care for actually acting on those feelings or knowing someone likes you back.

frayromantic - you like people until you have a strong emotional bond with them, after which the attraction fades away.

quoioromantic - do i like this person?? is it a different type of attraction?? is romantic attraction even relevant to me????? who the fuck knows, cause thats what this term is all about!!!!! (op realizing this term may fit them somewhat)

aegoromantic - "romance seems cool i guess, i dont think it's for me tho haha, like its cool fantasizing about romance and thingies but like idk i would rather not do that irl" - someone, somewhere, explaining aegoromantic

i mentioned different attraction types in quoiromantic earlier, so heres a list of different attraction and relationship types

sexual attraction - needs no introduction, you just horny, moving on

sensual attraction - like physical but non-sexual desires, like hugs, hand holding, etc

alterous - my favorite!!! this type is basically indistinguishable between romantic and platonic attraction, im pretty sure i feel this a lot, either that or its queerplatonic. see op cant even distinguish them and they are the chronically online autistic who researches queer wiki pages in their free time lol

queerplatonic!!!!!! - my actual favorite move over alterous, this is basically the ultimate platonic relationship, most would probably see it as romantic relationship cause it sees a level of devotion and commitment not often seen in platonic relationships. if i may blatantly steal from the lgbtqia+ fandom, "deep mutual trust, emotional closeness, and loyalty" normally seen in romantic relationships are a defining factor of queerplatonic relationships. if you want a good example of one ive seen people say that frances and aled from radio silence (alice oseman, 2016) are a queerplatonic relationship, and one that i am VERY jealous of but ive already talked about that here.

remember, nobody expects you to figure this out immediately. i doubt even alloromantics get crushes every week to develop their understanding of their attraction (but im aro-spec so who knows), so i doubt you're gonna find a billion crushes to dissect your attraction with, it's probably gonna take a while, but hey, if we... (*remembers that making jokes about humanity killing themselves and their homeworld bring the mood down*) ...have a community, why not ask around?

if anybody has stuff to correct me on, or stuff that you want me to talk about too, please just reach out!!

and to that friend i wrote this for, a lot of this you've probably seen already, but i hope i could help a bit :3 - aidan/ellie

#aromantic #arospec #aspec #lgbtq #attraction #lithromantic #greyromantic #aegoromantic #queerplatonic #frances and aled #questioning #did you know #you're reading the tags #wow

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em-writes-stuff-sometimes · 5 months

Text

It's been a while. Sorry.

Hi, all.

I've had a couple people in my inbox asking where I am, if I'm okay, what's going on. And I just wanted to say I'm alright! At first, I wasn't online because I had a work project to do, which was taking up all my time.

At first.

Honestly, being offline has been great for me. Every single time I've thought about going back, I've gone into my Tumblr to find a new hate anon in my inbox (mostly centred around wanting me to KMS, etc.) or someone else in the fandom venting about cliques, bullies, hate anons or the like, and I've immediately been turned off. I'm so, so exhausted by all this.

I think it's fairly obvious to state that I don't like some people on here. That's fine, isn't it? Sometimes people just don't like each other, and everyone is entitled to their reasons for that. I've not brought those users up, not said a single word about any of them for ages, and I'd really like to keep it that way. Part of that has involved my choosing to disengage from users who frequently interact with them, and that's not because I hate those users or want to punish them for their friendships - I'd just prefer not to be reminded of anyone I've felt uncomfy with while on here, and I feel like that's a fair boundary to set? I would never ask anyone to stop being friends with people because that's a different bag of crazy than I am, but I also feel it's unfair to have to force myself to be okay with the names of users who I've had negative experiences with pop up on my dashboard all the time. It doesn't make for a healthy environment.

I guess the reason I bring that up is because I can't really fathom who else is sending me all this hate; I have to assume it's people who are upset that I've chosen to unfollow or stop engaging with, because I've blocked all the rest.

I'm honestly struggling to figure out why I'm so hated. I've only ever stood up for myself and for my friends. That's what friends do, isn't it? Stick up for each other? And sure, I've been unkind a couple times. It's human to not always be capable of rising above the shit that gets flung your way. But I don't know why that makes it okay to tell me that I'm so fat that I'm going to die, that people hope I die soon, that I must be ugly IRL which is why I'm clearly such a bitch, that I'm going to die alone with no one who cares about me, that I should be SA'ed, that I deserve to get beaten up and left for dead. I don't know why people want to say these things to me. I've never ever felt that strongly about someone, let alone angry enough to actually send them that kind of message. The worst message I've sent on here was actually to ewanmitchellcrumbs - spoiler, it's related to crackfics. All of those messages were cursed, lol. Who the fuck sends death threats on Tumblr anon?

That's on top of the constant vague-posting others do. I've been so offline that I barely check Tumblr, and it's not because I don't want to come back. I do. I just wish I wasn't slapped in the face by some new uprising of hate and toxicity every time I've tried. I'm paranoid. I don't know who to trust on here. I don't know who's being nice to my face and calling me shit behind my back. I don't know if people want me as a friend or think I have some sort of 'clout' they can piggyback off. To be clear, I don't. I doubt people care about any of my opinions, or my thoughts/feelings outside my writing. That's fine. I don't want to be a part of whatever cliquey shit people are always claiming there is. I don't know if people are talking about me when they're saying these things, because there's been one or two people I've fallen out with to go ahead and accuse me of it. I'm a person? Not a community? This isn't Mean Girls. I'm not Regina George. I'm not even Karen. The Plastics aren't real. I like what I like and who I like and it's just insane to me that there are people who think that's problematic. If they do, of course. Again, I'm really paranoid right now so dunno if people mean me by this or not. Point is, I don't know why people think others owe them engagement.

I can't keep doing the same thing over and over and wishing things would turn out differently. I think a certain scientist with frizzy hair said that's the definition of insanity. I'm tired of thinking I've found friends only to have them decide that I'm inherently unlikeable or worthless to them because I won't invest my all in promoting them like I'm a brand deal. I'm tired of people viewing this community like it's some sort of race to the top. I'm tired of the gaslighting. I'm tired of the insincerity. I'm tired of the rumours and the anons and the vent posts. I'm tired of people making sweeping statements about shit but never specifying anything, leaving everyone to wonder who the fuck is 'in' or 'out'.

I've been transparent on here. You can literally read accounts I wrote of ALL the quote-unquote "drama" I've been involved in. Who else can say the same? I'm not interested in hiding behind my words, or pointing my finger at the room but never at any ONE person, no, because who wants anyone to tell the truth ever? What you see is what you get with me. If I like you, I talk to you. If I don't, you've been blocked. Everyone else is neutral, either because of limited crossover or because we simply haven't had the chance to interact yet. There.

Anyway. I'm in a pretty negative headspace, but most of this has nothing to do with the people who read my stuff. Sorry if you followed for fic and got this. Yikes, right?

Dunno. This might be my last post for a while. This might be my last post ever. Or, this might be my return. I haven't decided yet. Hm. I'm feeling really bitter and alone and just ugh about fandom. Not writing, though. I want to write. Which is why I've decided that, if I do end up returning, I'm going to stick to my own bubble. Write fic. Post fic. Reblog gifs. Get out. Limit interaction outside my inbox where I can. Stick to fic. I've been burned too many damn times to do anything else.

So, yeah. That's what's on my mind, I think. Sorry if you were hoping for something a little less bleh.

Whatever I decide - for those of you that are following me, thank you. I've been so incredibly enriched by my experience here. I love HotD. I love my work. I'm proud. And I love you all.

#bit of a vent post honestly #soz #em writes stuff sometimes personal

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lucianalight · 5 months

Text

The Missed Opportunities in Loki Series

While I was writing my review of S2, one of the topics I had problem with, was the redemption of TVA and its agents. I couldn't understand why "not having their memories" and "didn't know they were variants" could possibly be a good explanation for the atrocities they committed. I mean why does it matter? They were still killing people. Didn't they know that?...wait…let me google sth real quick…by which I mean reading interesting articles about the psychology of dehumanization and brainwashing that led me to some interesting results and a new perspective into how the series, especially in S1 missed its chance to explore some of the most important issues of Loki and his backstory.

The short answer to my question "Didn't they know they were killing people?" is "No, they didn't". And not in a racist or bigoted way the humans thinking other humans who aren’t like them, are subhuman. In a literal sense they didn’t consider anyone on the sacred timeline as people.

Empathy for another’s happiness and suffering depends fundamentally on recognizing that the other has a mind minds—that is, the same capacities for thought, emotion, desire, intention, and self-awareness as ourselves. Without appreciating others’ minds, empathy makes no sense[1]

To TVA agents those on sacred timeline weren’t people like them. They didn’t have thoughts and minds and emotions like them. And anyone making a different choice from what was considered for them was a “variant”. For a lack of better word, the TVA had dehumanized anyone but those who were working for TVA which is a necessary perception if you want to facilitate inhuman acts of torture and slaughter.

Dehumanized perception is a cognitive bias characterized by spontaneous failure to think about mental contents – thoughts and feelings in a social target’s mind. [2]

According to TVA propaganda, TVA and its people were created by the Time Keepers. They were different. They weren't like the ones on the sacred time line. The chaotic and disobedient "variants" should have been "pruned". None of them mattered except the right order of time.

The only ones TVA agents considered as people were each other. They were friends and coworkers and cared about each other's lives. And they had no memory of their previous life. But when they found out they are variants themselves, they realized “Those we were killing were like us. They had minds and emotions like us. We’ve been killing people all this time”. This should have been the explanation for their change and redemption. Their memories were taken from them and they were brainwashed by a propaganda that dehumanized anyone else and let them commit those atrocities easily. It shouldn’t have been “they’re variants themselves” but “the variants were people like them”.

So, while TVA can be compared to a totalitarian regime, there's probably no exact irl example for TVA agents because their situation for the most part is fictional. But perhaps the angels and demons in Good Omens have a close mindset to them. They care about each other but not the humans. The humans are just a tool for them to start the final battle according to the great plan.

This would have been easier to pinpoint if TVA was framed as evil from S1. Also if you want your characters to be likable or redeemable give them personality and show that they're doubtful and uncomfortable with what they're doing from the start not when they find out the truth or in the last episode of the last season! And don't frame torture and dehumanization as sth hilarious, therapeutic and deserved for one character and completely opposite for another character if you want to reach the conclusion that those actions were atrocities.

What bothers me more is that they missed a perfect parallel and opportunity to address Loki's identity issues. I don't even think the parallels were intended, considering how much the show is indifferent to them.

First the parallel with Loki finding out about his heritage. He was stolen from his homeland, grew up learning to hate and fear his own race. Like Loki people in the TVA didn't know about their past. Like Loki they would have an identity crisis. This was explored a little in S2 but they failed to make the connection with Loki's past. I mean you could let Mobius call Loki an ice runt as an insult, but didn’t bring up the topic when he had an identity crisis and talking about it with Loki? Although maybe that's too much expectation from the people who treated Loki being adopted and not knowing about it as sth unimportant, and didn't mention the racism and favorism he grew up with even once.

The parallel isn't accurate though since Loki weren't going around killing frost giants. He even didn't really consider them less than Asgardians. Not until he thought that's how his family actually sees them. That was his breaking point.

"You could have told me what I was from the beginning. Why didn't you?" "To protect you from the truth" "Why? Because I'm the monster parents tell their children about at night?"

This is the reason Loki went on his genocide attempt. To prove to Odin he wasn’t one of the monsters. That he was an Asgardian. That he belonged with them.

The second parallel with Loki's story that they failed to address is Loki being brainwashed by Thanos. You want to say your characters are redeemable because they were brainwashed? Show it! Make a connection with the main character's backstory. How they have missed this chance is beyond me…On second thought, they probably didn't even connect the dots, because they presented torture and brainwashing as a positive thing.

Brainwashing is the process of manipulating a person’s beliefs, thoughts, or actions through psychological manipulation. If a person is brainwashed, they may no longer be able to think for themselves and may act on orders without considering the consequences. Brainwashing is often used by totalitarian regimes to control their citizens, and can also be used in cults and other groups to manipulate members.[3]

Some people are more susceptible to brainwashing like people who are going through a difficult period in their life or a change that may or may not be of their own making[4]. It is also useful to consider identity when it comes to brainwashing.

Someone experiencing an identity crisis is in desperate need of a new identity. Because brainwashing promises them a new identity, it makes them more susceptible.[3]

Through the events of Thor 1 Loki’s going through an identity crisis. All he ever knew his life were lies. Even his skin was a lie. At the end not being accepted by his father no matter what he does, he commits suicide. That’s when he meets Thanos. And Thanos and his allies through torture and using mind stone, brainwashed Loki. People who go through brainwashing give up their previous identity and adopt a new one.

The person’s thinking and behaviors are altered by the indoctrinated beliefs that support their new identity. The individual changes into a whole new person, in some cases.[3]

This change in personality and ideas is easily noticeable in Loki in Avengers vs the other movies. The way he talks in Avengers is eerily similar to the way Ebony Maw talks in EG.

This could be a parallel with how TVA agents memories’ were removed and replaced by propaganda. But no mention of what happened to Loki during his time with Thanos. Nothing.

What’s interesting though is that when you read about how brainwashing is done, there isn’t only one example of it on screen. There are two. The steps for brainwashing are:

1.Isolating the victim

2.Degrade the target

3. Promise a better identity

4.Offer rewards

What Mobius was doing in S1 wasn’t therapy unlike what the writers claimed. It was brainwashing.

Another interesting point is that the way Loki treated Mobius was the right way to undo brainwashing. Those steps are separate the person from their group, be on their side and question their beliefs like what Loki did during 1x02 and tell them they’ve been brainwashed like what happened in 1x04.

I find it really funny though that every time they try to show what a villain Loki was and that he needed the guidance from these heroic™ people, he turns out to be the most moral person in the group if you look at the story objectively. Loki befriended and tried to help the people who arrested, tortured and tried to brainwash him, even before he knew they were variants.

In the end, I don’t give the credit for these parallels to the series. Because I don’t think they were intentional. Otherwise, they would have delved into Loki’s past and compared it to what happens in the show and wouldn’t have disregard it completely. What a huge waste of opportunity.

Sources:

From Dehumanization and Objectification, to Rehumanization

Dehumanized Perception

How To Undo Brainwashing

How to Recognize and Avoid Brainwashing

#loki series criticism

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wannabecatwriter · 1 day

Note

OC question of the day!

If you could make a character real, which of your OCs would be:

your bestie

your spouse/partner

your secret lover!

your friendly rival

your enemy

BONUS: If you feel like it you can also do this for other people’s OCs!

Also asked by @igglemouse

Thanks for the ask!

I think I'd be good friends with Candace. She's friendly and manages to chat up literally anyone and people like that tend to get friendly with me, because I usually don't go out of my way to talk with others.

I think I'd also get along pretty well with Demarcus - fellow gamer, chill af, plus owns a bar and makes drinks? Count me in. Heck, I'd date him too.

Don't think I'd have any secret lover among my OCs... at least one I can think of at the moment.

I might end up ending friendly rivals with both Isobel and Jasper. With Isobel, because I'd be a bit envious of how good she is professionally and want to be like her in that aspect. And with Jasper? Well, he's a stubborn dude who has a tendency to want to be right about everything. In fact, I can guarantee if he and I went to school together, we would not get along.

Don't think I'd have any real enemies... maybe Harvey and Josie, but I doubt I'd encounter them irl or if I did, I wouldn't stick around them long enough to care about whatever they're up to.

As for other's characters:

I feel like I'd get along really well with Rosaria by @citylighten and Anh from @nocturnalazure

#treason-and-plot #igglemouse

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rekikiri · 2 months

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ranking the things what I have made or want to make my discord status:

“it fucken WIMDY”

10/10, my current status. it’s timeless, it’s elegant, i physically feel the serotonin boost whenever I picture that damn fox. I go back to this every time

“give me silksong or give me death”

8/10, exhibited my frustration at wanting a game that is so unattainable. -2 because it made me sad

“sunshine court when? when jean?”

9/10, it encapsulates what my brain is thinking almost daily waiting on TSC release. -1 because I do not want my IRL friends messaging me like … bitch who is jean and what is the sunshine court…they can’t know about the gay mafia sports books I love with all my heart

“you’re the yee to my haw”

10/10, need to note that this coincided with the below pfp. this pfp is also the one I use on Steam and my older brother threatened to delete me as a friend over it <3

“tamquam, alter idem”

9/10, it’s lovely, it’s pynch and I adore them. -1, i do not want the questions from my IRL friends

“in the universal chaos, humanity emerged”

9/10, lovely, it’s deep, but I’d be bullied by IRL people over it (seems to be a theme hmmm maybe THEY are the problem)

I have more ideas but I doubt anyone cares but I may add onto this just for fun lmao

#thea’s thoughts #hollow knight #silksong #the raven cycle #pynch #adam parrish #ronan lynch #aftg #jean moreau #tsc #all for the game #spiritfarer #spiritfarer gustav

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writingwell · 6 months

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20 13 fanfic questions

Thanks to @randomfoggytiger for the tag. I didn’t do all of them, just the pertinent ones, and I modified those just to include ffnet as well.

1. How many works do you have? 26 on AO3 (for my mature rated Spy Castle stuff); fanfiction.net has 278 Castle fics;and about 300ish archived at Gossamer for X-Files.

4. What are your top fics by kudos/reviews? The Return of Vulcan Simmons, Tempest (not a spy work!) on AO3; ffnet would be One Hundred Days of Summer (co-authored with SandianeCarter) and Dash It All.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yeah, I think if you take the time to contact me, you deserve the respect of hearing from me. It might not be a full-blown conversation, but I’ll do what I can with a full-time profession and a writing one as well. Also, suuuuper sorry, just discovered AO3 has an inbox. 300 days ago, some of you messaged me and I am just now seeing those. Lol.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I have a spy fic where the two of them are just so at odds, so grieving with and over each other… okay that’s most of them. But I try not to end on angst, as it’s supposed to be the journey not the destination. (Angst is a twisting of the heart, not a place where you stay. According to me.)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Dash series has the ‘happiest’ endings. Not because life is happy, but because they figured out how to create contentment within what they’d been given/dealt in life. And in ways other versions of the Castle characters hadn’t accomplished. They did the work.

8. Do you get hate on fics? Oh definitely. A while back, I turned off comments on tumblr for about a year as I processed and healed from some targeted attacks, and I can say that I came out more certain of myself and my writing. But I was also an adult who had not been forced to weather these attacks as a vulnerable 13 y-o on social media (as so many of you are unfortunately dealing with). I was able to detach, center myself once more, and rise above because I’d grown up IRL, so to speak. I have a faith in something bigger than me which, while it doesn’t look like what it did, has sustained me and given me the confidence to know my worth even as it spurs me to be/do better.

9. Do you write smut. If so what kind? Oh definitely, lol. It’s on AO3. Usually I like to explore M/F with a third in there for kicks, as the concept of generosity and giving within the sexual relationship/experience is intriguing to me.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I objected to the term ‘stolen.’ I’ve had my fics, without my knowledge, posted elsewhere, translated without my knowledge, and changed to other fandom characters to be posted elsewhere. However! I’ve had loads of people ask me too, and I really appreciate being able to go visit them. (Stolen would indicate I somehow own these fanfictions, and I do not, as that would be a legally difficult hill to stand on. I also do not perceive collective fan art in this manner, because the world is all of ours.)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? Oh there’s a co-written story that me, carto, and muppet47 started and have NEVER finished. We all know Castle has to go to jail, but we can’t write it.

16. What are your writing strengths? Writing it the first time. Correctly. As in, it comes out the way it should or ought to or how I am seeing it in the moment. I have the right rhythm, I can spell and I have the grammar skills. My first draft is fast and good enough for submission. Of course, I go back and edit, and I have to, but I’m very blessed in not ever going through anything like writer’s block.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Secondary characters. I have a tendency for tunnel vision, where all I want to do is talk about and to and for the main characters. If they have friends or family, I barely include them. I can’t manage to care that they exist. But all of us live in a complex web of relationships and community; no one is alone. My last novel, Taste of Salt, was an concentrated effort to include as many other perspectives as possible, so it was told through the POVs of the two main characters and interspersed with flashback chapters from the POVs of their friends, family, coworkers, chance encounters, medical personnel, kids, support networks… there you go.You have to do the thing that’s hard. Write it out, over and over, keep practicing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Yeah, sometimes it becomes necessary for the character. But please keep it to a minimum (imo) as it detracts from the reader’s understanding and experience of reading. It ought to be rather easy to understand what the person is saying due to context or just the flow of the scene. If you’re writing in English, and you have a character visiting France, then obviously some of that ought to be in French, but after a while, you can indicate that the language is being used while writing it in English. I say this because most of you are fandom writers who are not writing for literary audiences; therefore, don’t ruin everyone’s fun my making it incomprehensible or inaccessible. Please.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? Don’t ask me to choose between my children! I can tell you that Dash holds a special place in my heart due to the amount of readers who said it gave them understanding of their own sensory issues or their child’s autism, etc. Spy gave me one of my greatest friends, carto, who continues to love and support me and my writing.

I won't tag anyone, because I deleted so many of these questions, but feel free to answer or share or talk with me about them!

#chezchuckles #writingwell #castle fanfiction #writing advice

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sabo-has-my-heart · 10 months

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hello hello :3 ive been LOVINF ur scenarios soo much lately!! do u think u could write some for zoro/sanji/ace/law dating gn!reader who is aromantic but enjoys dating and doing romantic things (ie. going on dates, kissing, cuddling)? they could either be in a queerplatonic relationship and also aromantic, or in a traditionally romantic relationship but reader doesn't *always* feel romantically towards them/attraction fluctuates? maybe u could include crewmates being a little confused by the nature of their relationship, or navigating the boundaries of a non-traditional relationship? if not thats okay! ik aro relationships can b hard 2 understand for some ^^

Aw, thank you, I'm so glad you like them. I actually finished this a lot faster than I thought. So I don't know much about being aromantic, asexual, demi, pan, whatever sex-romantical (IRL, I'm actually the opposite, I want a romantic relationship but am not particularly touchy). That being said, I did look it up. There's still a lot I don't understand but I tried my best. That being said, please, please, please, please, please! Tell me what you think and give me feeback. I can't learn if you don't help me.

Warnings: GN!Reader, Aromantic!Reader, queer!Platonic relationships

Word Count: 1200

He’d been your best friend for years, or well, maybe friends wasn’t quite the right term. You weren’t just friends but you weren’t dating either. You enjoyed the comfort of romantic things, enjoyed the warmth of cuddling, enjoyed the fun of dates, but you didn’t have ‘those feelings’ for him, or anyone really. That being said, just because you didn’t feel like that towards him, didn’t mean you didn’t sometimes enjoy the activities included in such a relationship. Was he in the same boat as you as an aromantic? No. But he understood your desire for it and was close enough to provide you with the peace and serenity of such things. Sometimes, sometimes, you wished you could feel that way towards others. It would make everything so much easier if you did. You’d be able to actually date, to tell him you loved him in that way, people wouldn’t be confused by your relationship. They understood when you said aromantic, what they didn’t quite understand was being aromantic while enjoying romantic things. Even still, they did their best to understand, or at least not give you hell for it, you were you, you liked what you liked, that was what mattered. So they let you do what made you comfortable.

Zoro

He liked sleeping with you, sprawled out in the warm sun on the grass, one arm around you, one behind his head as you snuggled up to him and dozed off in his arms. Honestly, your relationship worked quite well with him. He hadn’t found anyone he felt that way for and honestly didn’t care enough to look. It wasn’t that he wasn’t interested in finding someone, just that he was focused on other things at the moment. That being said, he still enjoyed the comfort of having a warm body next to his, it brought a sort of… peace and contentment that he didn’t otherwise get. A relationship with a crew member was always a bad idea in his mind, nor was he interested in them; he doubted any of them were particularly interested in him or simply want to cuddle with him for the sake of physical contact. Well, Luffy might, but Luffy was… interesting. You were different though, the two of you were close enough to share a bottle of sake on a moonlit night and enjoy the romantic things but without needing to be romantic. You did have an understanding that in the chance that he found someone he felt that way for, he could break it off if necessary, but until it was necessary, he was more than happy to fulfill your need for romantic actions without the romance.

Sanji

At first, he’d been a little hesitant. A relationship that wasn’t romantic? He’d understood that you were aromantic, but he didn’t quite understand your desire for romantic touches without the actual romance. Didn’t understand wanting to cuddle or kiss or hug but not be together together. That being said, as your closest friend, he’d listened to you and was at least open to attempt it on the condition that if he was uncomfortable, you end things amicably. You’d agreed, he was your friend, you understood that he might not be comfortable with such things just as you weren’t comfortable with actual romance. Surprisingly, he found your agreement to be more comforting than previously thought. There was a warmth and tenderness in holding each other, a sort of softness and care in the kisses he placed on the top of your head. The two of you even enjoyed cooking together, just without all the lovey-dovey romance that came with a romantic relationship. Moreover, you seemed to curb some of his womanizing habits. He still fawned over women left and right, but not quite as much. While he might want a romantic relationship at some point, at the same time, he really enjoyed what he had with you.

Ace

Ace was all over the romantic-sexual spectrum. Some days he was more interested in men than women or vice versa, some days he didn’t want a relationship with anybody, other days all he wanted was sex. The boy’s romantic and sexual preference was so all over the charts it was hard to keep up. But there was one constant. His desire for human affection, his desire to be held. He was touch starved and wanted somebody to love him, romantically or platonically, he just wanted to be held or to hold someone. Meaning that a queerplatonic relationship worked perfectly fine with him. He got to hold you, got to be held, but he didn’t have to worry about stumbling around and being romantic. He could go on a date with you, but have it be comfortable, not stumbling over his words as he tried not to mess things up. The two of you were still friends, maybe slightly more than friends, but first and foremost, friends. This also meant that he had somebody looking out for him. Somebody who would keep him from falling face first into his food, but he wouldn’t have to be embarrassed because ‘oh what will they think of me’. Someone who didn’t mind his dumbass shenanigans and not fret over him getting hurt. Hell, you joined in! And with his whole son of Roger thing, he wasn’t entirely certain he wanted a romantic relationship, a romantic relationship, whether or not he had those feelings, would just complicate things, just make things harder. No, he really liked what you two had.

Law

The doctor had never been particularly affectionate, meaning that when you came to him with this, he was confused as hell. Why him? He wasn’t cuddly, he wasn’t loving or doting, so why him? That being said, after your first time holding him, cuddling up to him, nuzzling against his chest, he found himself desiring more. He didn’t care much for romance, he wasn’t interested in it, he didn’t have a need for it, and he didn’t have a place for it in his life. He was a pirate and a surgeon, he was fairly cold to a lot of people, he’d done things that some people might call horrible, and he had other things he wanted to accomplish. Romance with anyone outside his crew was a no go and dating among crew members in such a small crew was inadvisable. As a doctor, he also understood the need for physical human affection and interaction, understood the brain’s need to be loved, even if you weren’t romantically interested. This fulfilled both of your needs. He still wasn’t very affectionate outside of his room or office. He didn’t go around holding you or kissing you, wasn’t particularly close to you, but when it was just the two of you, he enjoyed the feelings of keeping you close, of resting his head on your chest. Being the doctor that he was, he’d listened to plenty of heartbeats, but there was something soothing about the drumming in his ear. The crew knew that the two of you had taken to sharing a bed, they didn’t quite understand, but you and Law were happy in your strange non-romantic relationship, so they didn’t question it.

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olderthannetfic · 8 months

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/726066360417992704/besides-thinking-in-terms-of-clearing-your

I often block for reasons as simple as that someone left an annoying-ass comment on my post and since you can’t just delete replies or hide reblogs, the solution to hide that shit from other readers is for the OP to block them.

Or if someone is really determined to go to the mat with me on some issue — I have the kind of ADHD where if I’m not careful I can lose all day getting involved in some draining and pointless Internet argument. I’ve learned the solution in that case is just remove my ability to do so, and here that means blocking the other party.

I also think that while there certainly are people who define “safety” in the silly ways that are discussed in that anon, as “anyone who might say something that goes against my ideas about Y social justice issue” and then weaponize that to get people with more legit concerns to block them… I think it’s easy to dismiss the “legit concerns” people if you haven’t had certain unsavory internet experiences. Now I say this as someone who always always asks for explanations when I get an “OP is a Y” type thing in my inbox, partly because I’ve had people say that about longtime mutuals who I knew were very much NOT Y and if you’re smart you realize “oh they could be lying about all the people I don’t know too, so I should ask every time.” But what I mean about “legit concerns” is that I’ve been the target or had friends be the target of harassment campaigns (more on Twitter than here) and that changes your relationship to blocking for good. I have friends who’ve tried to be noble and suggest I be too about “I would never block someone just because they disagreed with me in an argument no matter what that opinion is!” and I just wanna be like yeah that’s nice and I generally agree when it comes to fandom stuff, but they apply it to everything and I have to explain that with something like right-wingers, it’s not because I can’t “handle” Republicans or go toe to toe with them in a decade — I’ve done this many times IRL and in more closed internet communities — it’s because every time I give one of them the benefit of the doubt they end up boosting my blog to people who just want to harass me and call me stuff like “ok groomer.”

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jacksgreysays · 9 months

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couragetcd's comment on Further Down Road One: So sweet! I adore Sasuke fan boying over Shikako. If you ever feel like dropping back into this story, could we see Shikako dealing with Sasuke's fangirls? Please?

I’ve been thinking about this question since I saw it, and I do have an answer but it’s not really in fic form… and it maybe goes more into Konoha politics than any actual relationship dynamics, as per my usual, lol. Here we go!

To address the question, there isn’t much for Shikako to deal with in regards to Sasuke’s fangirls, largely because I highly doubt he has that many fangirls in this AU. This AU being, of course, the early betrothal as this Shikako’s (successful) attempt to thwart the eventual Uchiha Massacre by removing one of the main reasons for it--ie, the extreme isolation of the Uchiha clan—via essentially tying the Uchiha to the Akimichi-Nara-Yamanaka alliance which would be MUCH harder for Danzo to get rid of (mostly because there’s more of them, they’re far more blended into Konoha’s administration, and my own head-canon that the Akimichi have direct ties to the Fire Daimyo not just influence in Konoha)

All that being said, it’s pretty well known (definitely amongst the ANY and Uchiha clans, probably also amongst the other major Konoha clans, maybe even the “smaller clans” which I will get into later) that Shikako and Sasuke have been betrothed since they were about 7 years old. And obviously IRL people who are in relationships do still have fans, but there’s a difference between “fan of your music/movies/appearance/etc” vs “fan of you as a person, with the intention to eventually date” which I think the latter is what Sasuke’s fangirls are in canon (considering he, you know, isn’t a content creator). Anyways, known betrothal takes care of a majority of that.

Additionally, because Sasuke is no longer the angsty, mysterious Last Uchiha, I don’t think as many girls would be attracted to him—that’s not even including how overtly devoted to Shikako he is in this AU so early on. Like, don’t get me wrong, Sasuke still looks the same (which, presumably to preteen girls, is devastatingly handsome) but he’s also no longer the only one that looks like that. Obviously there’s Itachi who may or may not be more handsome (hard to tell with the art style) but the ENTIRE Uchiha clan is still alive. And if most of them are Konoha Military Police, I imagine even the civilian-born students are seeing, you know, members of KMP getting puked on by drunken disorderly shinobi and still having to wrangle them into the shinobi equivalent of a drunk tank. Or they’re the ones who are running after Naruto when he pulls his messier pranks and getting paint and glitter bombed by him—it just kinda loses the appeal after all that.

This next point may seem a little cyclical, but part of what makes someone attractive is that other people find them attractive also. So if the first two reasons above have reduced the number of fangirls Sasuke would have in this AU, then that lack of numbers would further reduce the number of fangirls. In canon, Sasuke was highly sought after by the queen bee Ino, her ex-best friend turned rival Sakura, and, presumably, basically everyone else except Hinata. So not only was canon!Sasuke SO desirable that the trend-setter, leader of the kunoichi pack Ino wanted him, her former best friend (who only stopped getting bullied because of Ino) Sakura decided he was worth losing her only friendship over.

However, in this AU, there’s no way Ino would do anything to 1) jeopardize her clan or 2) upset her BFF Shikako. And, while I think Sakura would still consider Sasuke cute, I think she is probably a bigger fan of romance in general (since a lot of her fangirling over Sasuke in canon was an entirely imagined version of him) and so she would be a fan of the betrothal if anything else. And also, funnily enough, because Shikako isn’t infatuated with Sasuke that makes him even less appealing to anyone else. Like, lol, even his future wife doesn’t have a crush on him, that’s pretty funny. I mean, ideally, she comes to love him eventually (and again, whether that is romantic or platonic is ?????) but there’s no heart-eyes, nervous blushing from Shikako whatsoever, lol.

If you take out the top three kunoichi of their class (top four, including Hinata, who even in canon was NOT INTO Sasuke) then who do you have left who could even be fangirls of Sasuke? It’s entirely possible that there are multiple classes per year (especially considering in this kinder AU, the living KMP are absolutely wrecking Danzo’s ROOT recruitment so there’s just more students) so probably those who aren’t in the same class don’t get the front row seat to Sasuke being devoted fiancé and thus are more likely to be his fangirls. But they also probably have their own “hotties” to fangirl over. Or if they’re already going to fangirl over someone not in their class, why not someone not in their year? Neji’s a year above, still as devastatingly tragic and beautiful as ever. What’s Sai doing? DoS fandom has decided he’s an Uchiha as well and, probably, one that isn’t as OVERTLY DEVOTED TO HIS FUTURE WIFE as Sasuke is.

Backtracking a bit (and this is where I fully went off the rails and weirdly political) the next kunoichi in their class, influence and capability-wise, is probably Ami, the girl who, in the flashback, was bullying Sakura which led to Ino befriending her in the first place. I personally head-canon Ami as a Mitarashi (based entirely on very minimal details of similar coloring, personality, and affinity for tea shops as Anko) and I further head-canon the Mitarashi family as either a “smaller clan” or a family that is trying to be recognized as a “smaller clan.” And depending on 1) how politically savvy Ami is and 2) how crucial/desperate the Mitarashi family are to become an established “smaller clan,” I think Ami would not publicly fangirl over Sasuke even if she were, for some reason, still attracted to this boy, given four of the major clans are invested in this betrothal and she wouldn’t want to risk any political blowback on her family/clan.

Now, what do I mean by that?

THE REST OF THIS HAS NO BEARING WHATSOEVER ON SASUKE OR SHIKAKO SO FEEL FREE TO STOP READING IF MY BULLSHIT POLITICAL NONSENSE IS NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA

Konoha’s social structure is extremely clan based. Or, technically, it is power based but clans have consolidated power versus and individual’s power. Take, for example, the Nara clan versus Kakashi. Except for maybe Shikako, there is no individual Nara who is more powerful than Kakashi. However, if, for some reason, an extremely OOC Kakashi were to kill a member of the Nara clan, there would be hell to pay. Like, maybe this extremely OOC murderous Kakashi would be able to kill every single Nara but all at once? Probably not. With the Akimichi and Yamanaka backing them? Even less likely. With the other clans of Konoha concerned that this extremely OOC murderous Kakashi might very well go after them if they don’t stop him now? Game over. Weird premise, but sort of necessary to set up the next bit.

The above is an established major clan vs extremely powerful (basically Hokage or Hokage candidate) individual, with the established clan winning. However, we’ve already seen in canon what happens when a not established clan—or, what I consider a “smaller clan”—goes up against said extremely powerful individual. In fact, this is canon, and is the same extremely powerful individual.

Because, as far as the Nohara family/clan is concerned, murderous Kakashi is not OOC at all. As far as they know, Kakashi totally got away with killing Rin and faced no consequences whatsoever. The Nohara family/clan—it’s sort of up in the air of how established/recognized they are by the Konoha government, depending on what I feel is needed in any given fic—are, in fanon/my head-canon, made of medics. Not out of any particular blood limit/genetic basis (maybe they tend to have better chakra control, or a higher capability for memorization, but that’s not exactly ground breaking) but a sort of familial culture of study and generational knowledge passed down. A Nohara may have a slight advantage against a civilian born person, but nothing insurmountable. So even consolidated, the Nohara family/clan do not have as much collective power as Kakashi the individual does.

So then we get into the whole Mitarashi thing, which is why I completely tangented away from the Shikako and Sasuke betrothal thing and into this talk of murderous Kakashi to begin with. Because you can parallel the murderous Kakashi getting away with killing Rin with the exploitative/probably abusive Orochimaru getting away with EVERYTHING HE DID TO ANKO.

And, look, what would the Mitarashi even do? I imagine they were, at first, honored that Anko was even chosen to be Orochimaru’s apprentice. At the time, he was not only one of the Sandaime’s students, he was possibly the most likely of said students to succeed him what with Tsunade running away from her trauma and Jiraiya roaming around being an almost literal fuckboi.

Maybe they even rationalized the mistreatment in the beginning: I can’t imagine the Mitarashi had any jounin before Anko. If anything, her being apprenticed to Orochimaru is probably the closest they had to one of their members becoming jounin. And so what would they know of high level training? He said the seal on her would make her more powerful and who are they to refute the possible one day Hokage? It’s an honor, surely?

And while there is further to be said about abuse of authority and, well, other abuse between Orochimaru and Anko, I don’t want to go there in this post even though, again, I’ve already fully departed from the fluffy AU of Shikako and Sasuke’s literal life saving engagement.

Ultimately, getting back to the family vs “smaller clan” matter. I think that while the family/clan’s own power does contribute a lot to what they can/can’t do and what inherent protection they have, there is probably some legislation in Konoha about what rights clans have (with the murderous Kakashi and abusive Orochimaru being exceptions rather than the usual) especially considering during the founding of Konoha so much legislation HAD to be about protecting clan rights in order to get these historical enemies to coexist.

SO, that means there is incentive for large/cohesive enough families to be formally/legally recognized as a clan in order to have those rights—maybe it’s land or reduced taxes or something where the murderous Kakashi and abusive Orochimaru situations don’t completely violate those rights? Or maybe it’s that the clan CAN enact THEIR OWN retribution without repercussions from Konoha but because, again, the consolidated power of the Nohara and Mitarashi vs murderous Kakashi and abusive Orochimaru are negligible, that’s how those situations can happen without them outrightly being violated… which maybe explains the issues in the bleak Primadonna Girl fic? Oh snap, did I back myself into figuring it out in this completely unrelated post? Whoops.

Regardless. Because there is an incentive to become a formally/legally recognized clan, there have to be some prerequisites in order to qualify. Which, apparently, I’ve gotten into before in this care!Kako/reverse Gardens AU ficlet: “Establishing a clan requires three active-duty shinobi who share a bloodline and sponsorship from two other clan heads”

Although, now that I’m properly looking at it, that seems too easy. I mean, for that particular fic’s sake, I needed it to be that easy for, you know, feels. But in a practical “how would Konoha actually function” I think it needs to be a little more robust than that. I do think a minimum number of active-duty shinobi who a share a bloodline is necessary. It should probably be more than three, and/or there should be rank requirements. So it’s not just, for example, three genin siblings getting launched into clan status out of nowhere. I mean, the sponsorship—or, probably what I actually meant was endorsement—from two other clan heads would probably prevent that, but, again, we can’t leave these things to chance.

So if I were to come up with more robust requirements for formal/legal clan establishment, it would be:

X number of active-duty shinobi who share a bloodline

Y% of the X number must be at least chuunin rank

endorsement from at least Z other clan heads

I don’t know what numbers/values X, Y, or Z would reasonably be, but it would, again, justify why the Mitarashi family would turn a blind eye or, at least, not look TOO closely at Anko’s apprenticeship with Orochimaru if they were trying to meet those unknown numbers/values in order to qualify for established clan status. And, to weirdly circle back to the top of this tangent, would explain why Ami wouldn’t publicly fangirl over a betrothed Sasuke because that theoretically could risk the endorsement part of the requirements (even though none of the clans involved would be that petty? but when you’re not yet established, it feels like every potential misstep gets exaggerated into something dire)

Anyway, sorry for going so horrifically off the rails on this one. I did start ideating on what a “Shikako reacts to Sasuke’s fangirls” fic would look like, but to be honest it was mostly **shrug, go back to whatever she was doing before** while SASUKE is the one who is upset at them since they might make him look bad in front of his fiancee. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#jacksgreyson #couragetcd #archiveofourown #down every road #fanfiction #brainstorm #meta analysis #character analysis #sasuke uchiha #shikako nara #ami mitarashi #anko mitarashi #kakashi hatake #orochimaru #rin nohara

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