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emry-stars-art · 9 months

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please can u tell us more of ur thoughts on branding.

can u tell us ALL ur thoughts on branding.

can u tell us all your thoughts.

ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST

Why yes I CAN tell you my thoughts! but this post will stay pretty much about the branding, even tho there will be other points you can notice below; unfortunately I have limited space and time on these posts. One thing at a time for my brainnn 🙏

Also. This is another “there’s too much going on here for me to cover it all” concept, so this is actually in two parts just to make sure it doesn’t get too ungodly long 😂 and one day there’s a bunch of stuff I want so badly to write about it! For now, I’ll put the link to the second post [here] as well as at the very end for your reading convenience

Find the royal au writing masterpost here 💕

(This was supposed to be for showing the brands; it turned into an explanation of some of the physical effects of things that happened in Evermore and the direct aftermath.)

Ahem. So Riko’s pretty determined to make it as difficult as possible for Abram to sneak away again, blend into other places. The best way to do that, obviously, is to brand him to his court as he had the rest.

Abram expects that. He’s completely prepared to have this done, it’s all but inevitable. He’d been dodging his number III for far too long now. Even Day has the II still on his own cheek - Abram can deal with it. Riko’s too proud not to let it heal nicely. He needs his court to look as neat and uniform as possible.

Still hurts like hell.

But after, when Abram wants nothing more than to be completely alone until he can see properly out of that eye, Riko orders him to strip down. Abram doesn’t - his time in Palmetto and with Prince Andrew took away Abram’s only survival technique. He’s known good people now, he knows how a person is supposed to be treated and he’s learned at least some degree of self-respect. Nathaniel relied on a day-to-day understanding that he could die in any terrible, inhuman way at another’s whim. Abram knows better. (It ruins him.)

Of course, Riko gets his demands met anyway. They have to hold Nathaniel down to get the second brand on him. This one isn’t for show, though perhaps that was a thought in Riko’s mind - branded cattle is hard to steal and easy to identify. Mostly it’s the beginning of pushing onto Abram that he isn’t more than property, he’s a work animal and he’s expected to act like it. And Riko doesn’t care that this one heals as neatly. Since it’s not going to be for the public eye, Riko can let it fester and infect as long as it stays recognizable. As long as Abram can look at it and remember what it is and what it’s there for.

When Abram is brought back, when Day is with him in that cart, it’s another thing he begs for the prince not to see. The muzzle and the brand. At first Day is confused; “The prince will want to see your face, Abram. You know he won’t care. It’s just like mine.”

But Abram shakes his head. Says no. No, the other one. Please don’t let him see.

Maybe Day doesn’t fully realize what that means until he forces that bath on Abram. Abram doesn’t try to hide it; he’s already told Day about it, and if there’s anyone that will take Evermore cruelty in stride it will be Day. (That doesn’t mean Day isn’t enraged to see it. Healed ugly, even still a little inflamed from rough fabrics and no care. He knew Riko was always mad with power; this was something else entirely.)

So Day heeds Abram’s pleas and doesn’t let Andrew see the brand. It’s always covered in bandages. When Andrew begins to help with Abram’s care, Day tells him he shouldn’t remove that bandage. It would cause Abram a lot of pain. Andrew tries to ask about it, but Day gives him the same answer as with the strange little punctures in Abram’s face: he will tell you if and when he wants to. And again, Andrew cannot argue.

By this point I think Andrew and Day have reached an agreement. Abram’s eyesight is getting clearer by the day, and Andrew understands how serious Day is about both his and Abram’s safety. But Day agreed that as long as Abram can confirm he recognizes Andrew, Andrew is allowed to help when Day is unavailable.

So when Andrew is sent for, told that Abram has reopened some wounds or torn some bandages and won’t let any of the medics touch him, Andrew goes.

Abram is calm enough by the time he arrives. He lets the prince check the wounds, nodding allowances between each article of clothing and bandage that Andrew removes. And by then they may as well shower too, while Andrew is there. He’d like to try and do what he can for Abram’s hair.

Even then Andrew doesn’t remove the bandage. It falls off on its own under the stream of water. Andrew feels the slight tensing of Abram’s stomach, the way he pauses. For a second, Andrew can only stare, struck dumb with anger. Then, slowly and very carefully, he pushes the bandage back over the brand. Hardly breathing.

“Abram. What is that.”

And Abram tenses more. He can see enough now to place a good guess as to where Andrew’s eyes would be, himself wide eyed and suddenly fearful. (For a moment, the prince’s apparent calm response made Abram think that he’d somehow already seen the brand, which wasn’t impossible considering the circumstances. But his tone now, the ice in his voice as he confronts Abram on it - it feels like all of Abram’s worst fears have materialized there in front of him. Of course Andrew would be disgusted. Princes deserve better than damaged goods. Andrew deserves better.)

“I’m sorry,” Abram says automatically, which is the last thing Andrew wants to hear. “I’ll - you don’t have to anymore, just get Day -”

“Abram,” Andrew says again sharply, which is not the right thing because Abram flinches and pushes Andrew’s hands from him. He’s up and away from the hole-riddled bucket that serves as the infirmary’s makeshift shower almost immediately and finds his things half by memory and half blurry sight. Andrew wouldn’t want someone like him around, even as a guard. Especially in this state, when he can’t perform his duties at all.

Abram finds his way to Day’s room. Even with Andrew’s voice after him as he leaves the bath and infirmary altogether. Thankfully, it isn’t long before Day has returned from a routine check of the outer walls - Abram cannot handle being seen by the prince again, he’s shaking and slipping further from reality by the minute. Day takes one look at Abram in the hall and brings him into his room, trying to calm Abram enough to tell him what’s happened. Eventually, he pieces it together when Abram apologizes for making Day’s work for naught. You kept it from him this long time and I ruined it. Don’t let him be angry with you, it was my fault, just let him do what he wants and -

But Day won’t hear it. He figures out what it’s about, he tries to reassure Abram that it was a misunderstanding. Day knows for a fact, like any sane person and then as a person that knows Andrew, that the prince is not angry with Abram for having a brand or anything it was supposed to represent. He had been angry like anyone was angry to see it. Like Day had been. Day had just been much better about hiding it.

Abram isn’t in a state for rational thought or explanations. The panic and crying exhausts him, but nothing Day offers can comfort him. He won’t take the bed or couch or even the chair, too far in his head about Andrew finally seeing him for an animal. He ends up curled on the carpet near the fireplace, asleep by the time Andrew manages to find him. (He’d gone looking out by the gate, along any path Abram might have taken to run. It was either good or very bad that he didn’t find him there.)

Day answers the door and Andrew opens his mouth at the same time he scans the room, then stops. He sees Abram and tries to come in, but Day stands firmly in his way.

“Is he all right?” Andrew asks before he can stop himself. He messed up, this is his fault. He needs to be sure he hasn’t caused any real harm.

“Physically, yes,” Day says tersely. “But he’s asleep, and I will not be waking him yet. Out, in the hall. I need to speak with you.”

[part2 here]

#BIG BROTHER KEVIN DAY #he gave Andrew the wildest most unexpected ‘if you hurt my brother I’ll destroy you’ talk in history #and I love that for everyone involved #(even tho it was mostly Kevin doing some culture translation re: brands)#(and what abram is and isn’t apparently comfortable with and scared of)#I just think usually Andrew would be INCREDIBLY unimpressed and bored with Kevin’s long talks #but when it comes to Abram at this exact moment #he has no choice but to listen to whatever Kevin says #it’s not like Andrew is the person abram first thinks of when he needs comfort about evermore (yet at least)#day still knows better than anyone else in palmetto #hm are my strong emotions about kevin and Neil sibling vibes coming through yet #nah I’d better do more with it #ANYWAY #fan art #my art #aftg #all for the game #neil josten #andrew minyard #kevin day #royal au #asks #anon #my writing #hmm might have to make the brand bigger in consequent drawings #cows beeg #Abram is small

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collectivecloseness · 1 year

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Omg some more Robin pls?! Maybe some angst or smth?

Enough Sweetness

Robin Buckley x reader

Steve tilted his head up to watch Robin, yet again laughing under his breath, at her humming to another cheesy love song blasting through the radio of family video. This time she was even dancing to it. Again!

He’d let her enjoy her happiness. She genuinely deserved it, and he was kinda living through her vicarious joy in her love life right now. But not when she was about to abdanon him during his shift, and leave him with a tonne of shit to sort. “Hey! Wanna pick up those tapes on the fooor, for the dozenth time?” Steve chirped at her, but he still shook his head as he smiled, when Robin span around to him, beaming widely herself.

Her teeth shone, dancing with the large bag of candyfloss she hadn’t realised she’d been hugging for the past twenty minutes now. “Y/n’s picking me up early. I’ll do it when she gets here!” She waved Steve off, although hopped over to his side, putting away the sugary treat and grinning up at him, so glad each other’s positive energy was bringing the other up more and more! She was still just bouncing on her feet as she stood next to him, asking him yet again if she should change into the other shirt she brought with her, needing his advice with what she should wear on her first date with you.

Yesterday had been massive. An amazing event in Robins usually perilous life. The first time her heart had beat that fast and it wasn’t because of a panic attack, in months. You had asked Robin out, on a date. You!!!

Robin had been desperately and deeply crushing on you for months, ever since you moved to town and became friends with her and Steve! Robin was so pleased you were actually gay, because she had no idea if you had actually been flirting with her when she had with you, holy shit! And thank god you’d been brave enough to make the first move and ask her out, because Robin knew she would’ve been too scared to speak up. Well, minus a trapped life or death situation. Like how she told Steve her... situation.

The entire end of yesterday’s shift, the phone call between the two that had lasted all night, and all of today’s shift, had literally just been Robin and Steve discussing your date tonight! Robin thought Steve was nearly as excited as her. She was so so so glad she could just talk with him about it! Over and over. Even when she was basically just repeating the same thing for the millionth time, Steve still got excited with her when she brought it up, even asking more questions about it that he’d thought up!

They mostly, however, talked about what you two would do, since Robin, half stupidly, said she wanted to be the one to think of the date idea, since you’d been bold enough to ask her in the first place. She panicked until Steve helped her with some ideas, and she finally had decided on a good date! Robin had it all planned out, every detail perfect. She’d even gotten you a present! Just some chocolates. One of the big selection boxes, a brand you specifically brought up liking.

Robin always remembered those things about you. Steve had teased her for an entire month, when on a shopping trip you two had tested loads of perfumes, and then Robin secretly bought the one you liked the most. She did literally douse herself in the stuff, but Steve teasing her about spraying it extra hard whenever you came in, didn’t help her red face when she was trying to get it on with the ladies! Rather, one particular lady. But... those chocolates were golden. Steve said that type of present was okay for a first date too.

Something Robin asked Steve about yet again. Her bag was by the candy section near the front of the store, since you’d be here soon enough and no customers would be at this time. She opened up her bag, showing off the selection box to Steve in person, and not just a peek through her zipped bag. “Are you sure it’s big enough? Or- or is it too big? Or-?”

“Robin it’s chocolate. I’m sure she’ll love it.” Steve chuckled. But Robin only rolled her eyes at him. “You’re a guy, you don’t get it.”

“Well I get dates, since I’ve actually been on some.” Steve teased, raising his elbow up to defend him from Robin’s shove he knew was coming, but both friends still had smirks on their faces. It’d been a part of the reason Robin was so excited anyway. She kept bringing up the last 24 hours how this would be her first proper date!

“Look, y/n will love them. I swear. You didn’t even need chocolate, she likes you.” Steve solemnly vowed, hand to his heart, and the other coming down on Robin’s shoulder. Who just started vibrating under him at the knowledge, like a puppy on a sugar rush. Steve had to physically take his hand back off, she was making it tingly. He still looked at her. Holy shit. Had she just been vibrating this entire time?

“Yeah, but it’ll definitely score points!” Robin chimed, knowingly.

“Well you know what would score points with me? Picking up those tapes I’ve asked you to clear. You said you wanted to split into sections today.”

“Luckily I don’t need to score points with you, I already know you love me.” Robin sung, Steve having his turn to roll his eyes at her now, as Robin moved back over to the wrong side of the room.

“Hey! At least take your bag to the break room. That way I won’t break my neck on that as well.” Steve teased, lifting it up for her to snatch out his hands.

“Okay!” Robin said, balancing her tray of chocolates in one hand and the strap of her bag in the other.

“Y/n will definitely know you’re a creepy stalker if she sees you just staring out the windows.” Steve teased, tidying the tapes on his side of the room, Robin not even caring about giving a comeback today, too cheerful, only a snort, as she turned her back.

But Robin’s luck did have to run out at some point. While she woke up with a great skin day, and she’d found the bottle of conditioner that always made her hair look extra soft, and her best looking clothes had dried in time for her to wear/pack in her work bag... Robin made a mistake.

Robin skipped over to the front desk, where the break room entrance would be. Only to trip over the pile of tapes on her path, and go flying into the dirty carpeted floor.

“Shit!” Steve swore, running over to where he’d seen Robin topple, only hissing as he saw her gift for you, crumpled between her hands and the floor, and the chocolates scattered across the entirety of it. It was broken. But Steve had to quickly move onto Robin, who was face first on the floor, taking her arm and lifting her up a little. “Robin? Hey. Are you okay?” He asked concerned.

Robin felt dazed for a moment, the heels of her hands slightly burning, and embarrassment flooding through her at eating shit like that. But then, as Steve helped her sit up, Robin took sight of all of her chocolates, smashed and thrown around the floor. It was ruined.

Everything was ruined!

Steve’s heart sank deep into his stomach when Robin immediately burst into tears. “Shit, Robin.” He rubbed her shoulder as he stood her up by himself, very little help from his friend, as he quickly determined she wasn’t properly hurt. She was just upset. Her face not red from bashing it, but from how her tears started to flow.

“Sssh ssh ssh ssh. Hey, Robin. It’s okay.” Steve promised, rubbing both her shoulders quickly to try and comfort her, feeling awful as she buried her hand into her face, after staring at more at her gift strewn about.

“Sssshh. I promise y/n won’t mind, eh?” Steve spoke with a smile. But it didn’t work. Robin shook her head vehemently, rubbing the back of her hand against her nose. “No. It’s all ruined!” She sobbed. Steve gave her a quick hug, murmuring a “No it’s not. It’s not ruined.” into her hair, before pulling back with his hands still planted firmly on her shoulders.

Robin only stood in his hold. “I’m so stupid. You told me to pick them up.”

Steve couldn’t have his best friend talking like this, especially not on what was supposed to be one of the best days of her life! “Nah. I’m too bossy, not surprising my words go in one ear half the time.” Steve shrugged, to which, to his glee, gets a small laugh from Robin.

“You’re not bossy.” She moans, sniffling that tiny smile away again.

“Thank you.” Steve still smiles, gratefully holding onto Robin when she pushes herself into his chest for a hug this time. Squeezing her tight in his arms as she hugged his back, his smile dimming a little as he sees the open box, crumpled on the floor. There wasn’t a single chocolate left in the red plastic of the packaging, nothing salvageable. But it wasn’t that big a deal. He just had to focus on Robin right now. Get her happy and date ready again like she was a minute ago.

But then as he pulled back, because he swore he heard her crying more, even though Robin still looked like she needed that hug, Steve’s eyes wandered down. And his face softened in empathy. “Hey... What happened?” He asked gently, looking down to get Robin’s attention on her pant leg, that was very ruffled and messed up, high on her calf.

Robin sniffed, keeping one hand on Steve’s bicep for leverage, as she pulled up her pant leg, and started to feel the small sting of pain now she was moving it about, now she’d noticed it. She had a scrape on her knee. Little dots of blood around a tiny cut, the skin all looking very flushed.

Steve hissed through his teeth, mostly to show Robin he saw it, as he rubbed his hand up her back. “Come on. Let’s go to the break room, get it fixed.”

Steve walked her there, turning on the lights before he propped Robin up on a stool, grabbing the first aid kit and gently dabbing at her scraped knee with an antiseptic wipe. As Robin used the tissues he’d brought, to clean up her snot. Although she was still crying. Steve carefully pressed a bandaid to her knee, before settling on his knees by her front, gently nudging her hand with the back of his finger. “Hey. What’s wrong?” Steve learnt to ask that more than ‘no need to cry’ after that had been ingrained in him as a child. He’d only gotten rid of it after his King Steve days, even then when he was trying to comfort people he cared about.

“It’s okay! You’re still gonna go on your date and have an amazing time. It doesn’t matter that much, really Robin.” He assured her, but he chewed on his lip as Robin didn’t respond, tears still following heavily, only shaking her head with a groan, disagreeing with him.

Steve sighed, deciding to sit down properly at her knees now, knowing that under the layer of glee Robin had for this date, she also was bursting with anxiety. “Why’d you think chocolate would be the end all?”

“It’s not about the chocolate. It’s because it was a gift for her.” Robin explained despondently, her breath hitching with cries as she scrubbed harshly at her cheeks. Who cares? Her make up was ruined now anyways!

“Okay, why do you think a gift would be that important?” Steve decides to ask instead, his own breath catching in his throat at the miserable look Robin gives him from where her head is bowed. Fringe a mess, mascara dabbed under her eyelids, skin flushed under her freckles, and eyes dejected.

“Oh jeez, you’re really nervous aren’t you?” Steve realised, rubbing his hand over the back of his head.

“It’s-“ Robin had to take a deep breath, the action immediately stuttering in her throat, and causing her to sob again. Wiping at the tears still leaking out of her eyes. “It’s not just that it’ll be my first actual date. Or that, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to date that many people. Because I can’t exactly go around saying that I...” She swallowed, tearing up further as her lip trembled. “Saying I like women.”

Steve shuffled closer, resting his hand on her good knee.

“That like, I might not get many opportunities to date. It’s not just that, I-“ Robin heaved a breath that sounded pained, spit flecking out as she breathed. “It’s that... I really, really like her Steve. Like, I don’t just like y/n, I...” This one, Robin found harder to finish. She didn’t wail more, or cover her face, She just needed help in saying it. He nodded in understanding. He already knew. Squeezing her knee, he moved until Robin could catch his eyes. “I really really really like her Steve. I like her so much. And I just... I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t like me that way. If we go on a date, and she wasn’t really that serious, or she decides I’m not good enough-!”

“Hey! Nobody could think that.” Steve shook his head as he stopped her there. Eyes serious but empathetic up at her.

And Robin nodded, taking his hand that was on her knee into both her own. Holding them tight, as she tries to come down.

Steve can tell she really does believe him, so he shimmies a little closer, his feet jammed against hers as he adds. “I mean hey, didn’t she ask you out?”

Robin laughed. A shy and excited little “Yeah.” leaving her lips, like she still couldn’t quite believe it herself. It was really a good for her moment. And she squeezes her best friends hand in excitement as she recalled the happy memory, Steve squeezing back.

“What the hell happened in here?!?”

Robin and Steve’s heads both shot to the closed door of the break room, instantly recognising your voice. And realising you must’ve seen the scene of scattered tapes and ruined chocolates all over the floor, with no one in sight.

The two both froze, before turning back to look at each other. With only knowing looks, no words, passing by the duo, Steve easily recognised that Robin wanted him to go out first, and get you.

Which is what he did, Robin watching him stand and open the door, hearing him mumbling to you about her, as she sniffed, and desperately tried to wipe at her eyes. Oh my god. How much snot did she have in her? And why could she still not stop crying??!

When you entered the break room after Steve had somewhat explained the front, your heart broke as you saw your Robin. Sitting there on a stool, looking so small, as she looked up at you with a tear streaked face, pant leg lifted and a bandaid on her knee. “Hey! Hey sweet girl. What happened?” You asked, walking towards her.

Robin looked up at you sadly, eyes blurry from her tears, feeling like her shaky lip was about to form a pout. And all she wanted to do was reach her arms up for you.

But she didn’t need to. Because you swooped straight down to her level, enveloping her in a big hug. Robin cried more into your shoulder as you did so. Not loudly, but knowing she was letting drool and tears onto your jacket and still clinging to you anyway. Little hiccups leaving her as you pulled gently away, rubbing her leg up and down above her sore knee. “Hey sweetheart, you’re okay. What happened?”

Robin took some shaky breaths, still clinging onto your jacket as you held her arms, her voice a little shaky too. “Th- the chocolates.”

“Were they for me?” You asked, with a sweet and surprised smile.

Robin nodded. Wanting to bemoan ‘I ruined it’, but finding herself unable to with that smile you were giving her.

“Oh Robbie, that’s so sweet! Thank you honey.” You hugged around Robin’s neck, swaying her a little, with your cheek pressed to hers. And Robin couldn’t help but close her eyes, and take a breath, clinging onto your arms that were wrapped so lovingly around her neck, and just letting you sway her.

“It’s okay, thank you for the gift anyway sweetie, I saw it. That was so sweet. They looked nice.” You spoke warmly.

Robin nodded, sniffing as she clenched her hands back and forth over the arms of your jacket. She was about to say, that she just wanted everything to be perfect, to prove to you, but she was cut off by you talking first.

“I don’t think I need that much more sweetness though, do I honey?” You grinned wide, before leaning up and giving Robin a big kiss to her cheek.

It made her giggle, actually giggle. Even though it was sappy. But she knew that was the point. You were trying to make her laugh.

But as Robin’s giggles died down, you gave a tilt of your head with a small shrug, saying a causal “Also” before pulling out from your bag, the exact same box of chocolates.

“Holy shit.” Robin laughed in a breath, still sounding a little congested. You wiped her tears softly with the back of your hand. “Yeah. Seems like we have a lot more in common than we thought. And we haven’t even started the date yet!” You smiled, and Robin smiled shyly but excitedly back, hiding her freckled face that was red for a different reason now. “So I think you’re doing a pretty good job so far.” You winked, and your hands dropped from Robin’s shoulders to her lap. Where Robin could pick them up into her own, and hold them.

Robin sniffed, most of her tears having stopped now at least, and you freed one hand to rub at her hurt leg again. “C’mon. Let’s clean up that pretty face, after Steve took my shining knight moment of helping your poor leg.” You smiled, taking Robin’s hand to help stand her up, and keeping a hold of it, as well as still looking at her, while you walked her over to the basin in the room.

Robin stammered out, finally able to make a joke “I might’ve bled out first, before you got here.”

You grinned at your date. “Well, did Steve get to do this?” You asked, getting on your knees in front of Robin, and kissing her sore knee.

Robin sucked her lips in with her smile as you did so, holding her hand out for you this time, to help you up. Something she felt so grateful for, to feel you holding back. “No.” She sniffed. “Bastard.”

You threw your head back at her joke, eyes shining on hers as you laughed with her hand still in yours. And Robin beamed with pride banging in her chest.

She finally relaxed as she let you wash her face up. Blowing her nose a little disgustingly, but you didn’t seem to care. You stroked back her hair that was sticking to her cheeks with the water, before giving a smiling pout, knowing her tears and your wet cloth had kinda messed with her look. “Oh your pretty make up. I know I worked hard today on mine too.”

You made Robin shy, looking to the trash can before binning her tissue, pivoting a little on her feet with a burning smile. How long had you been doing and redoing your make up? Were you freaking out about what to wear like she was? Just for your date with her?

“Guess I’ll have to freshen up your make up for you, huh sweetheart?” You took Robin’s face in your hands, wiping your thumbs on the glowing parts of her cheeks where tears had rolled before. Robin nodded at your grin, loving that you were holding her face. And knowing you were hinting at touching it more, by doing her make up for her. “Yeah,” Robin started, finally feeling the flirty part of her beat the anxious one, as her hand stroked the back of your own affectionately. “I think I still feel all lightheaded from the fall, so...”

You wanted to kiss Robin right now. You’d tell her that, later, after your first kiss. You’d tell her all the times you wanted to kiss her beautiful face. But instead, you held yourself back by nodding. Gently squeezing her warm cheeks once more, before tilting her head closer to you and kissing her other cheek this time. “Okay then. And you’ve still got to tell me where you’re taking me on our date! I’ve been so excited since yesterday!”

Robin’s eyes widened. Finally clear enough to see you again, and so wonderstruck grateful at what she saw. God, she couldn’t wait to kiss you!

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tunamayojazz · 2 years

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"truth be told, yuta, not much is known about the inumaki clan. and toge doesn't share either." keep reading for some context ! cw for blood & injuries, self-harm (biting)

yuta finally gets to return home in november, almost a full month after toge's birthday. they're not together yet at this point with just some pining bc maintaining a crush long-distance is hard (this just applies to toge though, yuta feels so strongly that his feelings just grew stronger even apart).

they all reunite and have a celebratory party, yuta's so happy to be home again after so long but he can't shake off the feeling that something is wrong.

he adjusts back to life at home like he never left, and resumes training with the others and notices that toge has gotten significantly stronger. his cursed speech hits much harder, and he's way more agile and flexible than ever before (it gets yuta's heart beating so fast bc wow toge is also so much hotter now)

yuta also observes that toge goes to bed really early these days and he talks a lot less (cue sad puppy eyed yuta), and he also leaves a trail of a very subtle type of cursed energy that yuta isn't familiar with. he doesn't even think the other have perceived it.

one day, toge tells the group that he's relocated to another dorm room in another building within the school. it's completely vacant and though the group is confused and questions him about the sudden move, he just says he wants more privacy and a new space (he jokes about his current dorm room being way too small and shitty to stop them from asking more questions). yuta's just like /kicks chair /punches wall and fcking sad at this point bc his room was right across toge's lol

as time passes, yuta begins to notice things (and it's 100% only because his eyes are almost always on toge). toge no longer wears any short sleeves anymore, and wears an extra face mask even though it seems like he's gotten much more sensitive to heat. while his skin is protected from direct sunlight he's also getting boiled so yuta's like ??? why the self torture? maki just says he's going through a fashion statement era.

yuta also realizes that toge goes on a lot more solo missions now, and returns looking a complete (hot) mess, sometimes he's drenched in blood and he can tell toge absolute obliterated his enemies. there's this new air of ruthlessness around him and yuta's not sure if he should be worried or aroused .

a few more unusual things happen that yuta simply cannot keep quiet about, so he tries his luck finding out from toge himself, and is surprised when on his 5th or so try, toge snaps, and yuta swears tht he saw toge's irises turn into slits for a millisecond and the air around them getting slightly heavier. but together with toge's anger, it vanishes in a flash. toge calms himself and simply signs that "people change". yuta frowns like a kicked puppy.

cue The Night It Happens. gojo drops off some dessert and asks yuta to deliver it to toge personally.

on his way there, yuta observes that there isn't a single light on in the vicinity of toge's dorm at all, and he’s is almost sure toge's already gone to bed until he hears odd noises.

he enters the room and is horrified to find the place in disarray, as though there had been a struggle of some sort. then, he hears more noises that sound like whimpers and frustrated noises. the source seems to come from the closet.

that's when he finds toge. there's a brief moment of silence, before there’s a loud noise and something lunging at him. next thing yuta knows he's on the ground with toge clutching his shoulders and hovering over him. he's making a lot of animalistic noises and looks feral at this point, yuta calls out to him but toge just shakes his head wildly and looks even more frustrated. he's breathing heavily and yuta can see his fangs glint in the moonlight before he's suddenly lunging at him. but before yuta can even react (or accept that toge was about to bite him for whatever reason), the sight before him crushes his heart. toge is biting into his own arm, and hard. fresh tears fall on his already wet cheeks and blood gushes out and onto yuta's shirt

yuta immediately grabs onto toge's arm and cups toge's cheek with the other, telling him "oh god toge, no. no, it's okay, let go, please let go" and thankfully it's not long before toge relaxes his jaw and his fangs are no longer pierced into his skin (it's really bc yuta had been thumbing at his cheek so gently, wiping his never-ending stream of tears and pleading with him so softly). he's using reversed cursed energy to heal him the moment toge's injured arm is freed completely.

yuta tells toge to wait as he goes to grab something to clean the blood off toge's arm. he spots a towel on the chair, and he swears he's quick with it but when he turns back, toge is gone from his spot. yuta's heart just breaks further when he sees a trail of blood leading to the closet, a bloody handprint on the door. toge had retreated back into it when yuta had gotten up to get the towel.

he's very gentle and patient when he tells toge what he's going to do (open the door and clean the blood on him). when he slides the door open carefully, he sees that has covered himself with the blanket again, shaking and curled into himself and looking very unlike the toge yuta knows. it kills him when he thinks about how long this might have been happening to him.

toge's voice is weak and scared when he speaks shakily, and yuta doesn't think he could take it if he hears him say "okaka" with so much fear again. toge is basically telling yuta not to touch him, bc he doesn't want to accidentally hurt yuta. and it's a plead he's terribly familiar with, one he has heard himself say many times throughout his life after he had cursed rika.

he tells toge that he could never hurt him before very gently pulling toge, still covered in the blanket and all, into his arms. toge flinches at first but being in yuta's arms makes him feel safer than he has ever been since the day this started happening to him, and melts into his embrace

basically this only happens to inumakis who inherit the seals, and on their 17th birthday. their cursed speech matures into something more deadly, it makes them stronger and faster. they take on snake-like features when they go all out in battle, but also when they feel deeply unsafe or threatened. it works as a defensive mechanism, but in toge's case it was against himself. bc since the beginning of their clan, there are procedures in place to ease those who inherit the seals into this next stage of their power (me bringing back the inumakis were revered in the past agenda) and it was a ritual of some sort almost. it was never supposed to be seen as an untamable part of themselves.

but time passed and the inumakis place in jujutsu society changed completely. they were outlaws now, and cursed speech was truly a curse and a burden in their eyes. so when toge had been enrolled into the school, the clan had finally been freed of any responsibilities. he was no longer their problem, and they made sure whatever happened when he turned 17 would not be their problem either.

this only happened because the inumaki clan literally does not care what happens to him. in fact they thought that it would be convenient if he went feral from not having any help with this change. the higher ups would have definitely put him down then, and the clan would have killed two birds with one stone.

honestly toge's ancestors are rolling in their graves at his mistreatment like they CANNOT wait for the current living members to die so that they can kill them again in the afterlife. and i hope this is canon!

if you read this far, i hope you enjoyed this! i didn’t have any backstory for this initially but after a mutual wanted to hear about it i suddenly had a million ideas and very happily put this together.

one last thing:

it's also a vampire au, that's why toge pounced on yuta when he found him! he was thirsty for blood.

in the past, blood would be offered the moment the change takes place and the curse user would be sated and it doesn't become an issue, but bc toge's transition was a fucking MESS, and there was no ritual, no nothing, a feral side that desired blood was unleashed. or something. i need to work on this part of the lore.

but let's just say bloodsucking ensues in the future and the blood of a special grade sorcerer does wonders to an already powerful cursed speech user :-)

#inuokko #ottoge #the orochimarufication of it all...#some inumaki clan fun #ill only allow myself to say it once #sorry toge i love you i promise #i wrote a little essay based on this #its kinda angsty but mostly hurt/comfort #inumaki toge #inumaki #yuuta #okkotsu yuta #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #art #writing

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beechovenwhump · 1 year

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OK for real u guys i need help.

What are some whump tropes you guys like to apply to more staunch, powerful whumpees? I'm talking leader of the pack types, like they're the one paying the ransom for their members yk?

They're the people I want to whump the most and there's just very little out there because they're difficult!!!

Like here's my issue:

Kidnapping them kind of works, but you kind of have to bend everything or slightly break a dynamic with whoever is normally the whumper because Kidnapping the big boss doesn't really make a lot of financial sense.

Hurting or torturing them in general doesn't work that well for information because if they're the leader then whumper might as well just kill them?

Sick fic is about all I can seem to think of for these guys and that doesn't really sate my thirst yk.

Pls let me know if you can think of any clever work-arounds, or what you use in your own writing 💖

#If you saw my post before this is same again #Mostly rn about Tommy shelby #But I've also had this problem with the lack of Aragorn whump #Whump requires some level of vulnerability like physically and the characters just don't fit to that easily #If I wasn't such a stickler for motovation making sense and things being true to character this would be much easier #Whump #Whump writing #Hurt/comfort #Strong whumpee #Gang whump #Tommy Shelby whump #Aragorn whump

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factorialsotherfandoms · 4 months

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Hello to you all, and hope your Monday is going well, and your holidays are tolerable if you celebrate! Here's a little gift for people following the XCOM2/QSMP thing. It's messy, it's disjointed, we'll pretend that's a design choice for Forever's mental state. Things in brackets might be dreams, might be memories, might be stray thoughts, all in a jumble. Things out of brackets are in linear time, though each set of brackets denotes a timeskip of between hours and days. All accounted for, this fic follows between two and three weeks.

Tomorrow I'll see if I can bring myself to stop tormenting au!Brazilians enough to go stab my usual chew toy for you call. Also sorry this au!Forever, this doesn't even come close to the worst few weeks of his life, though this is the end result of 10 years of impending breakdown. He just... Memory scenes are either 10 years ago or very recent. There's a reason he won't think of in between. How old is everyone in this au...? Don't think about it and shhh.

The prompt is coma, and Forever is doing extremely mentally poorly this entire fic. In the flashback sections there's also extremely unethical governmental and military shit going on, near death experiences, explosives, etc.

There are no benches in Aypierre's lab, unlike Tubbo's, so Forever paces the floor, and he shakes. The adrenaline still needs burning off, and there's nothing to do but stress. Philza is perched on one of the counters, toast in hand as he gets to work on a report.

Forever doesn't know how Philza can even think about reports at a time like this - Felps could be dead, or could by dying, and until Aypierre and his assistant finish the surgery there's no way of knowing anything at all.

But then Philza never met Felps, either. He's seen the photos in Forever's office, of five Brazilians in botched together military uniform or casual wear, at the training range, at the bowling alley, sometimes just in ones or twos or threes or fours, back when life was great and hope meant something, but he's never met Felps.

Not until today, not until Forever had dragged them all across the world, and then dragged Philza specifically to a lab in the middle of nowhere, and maybe it's unfair when so many of the crew are missing loved ones to force them to put everything down for Felps, but god damn it Forever's in charge here, and it has to count for something.

Even if that something is a man thought dead for ten years, injured and starved and in some sort of stasis, with Federation wires inserted into his brain.

"Calm down," Philza calls, as he throws the crust of his toast at Forever's head. "You're no good to anyone like this."

Forever turns on him, meets his eyes. "I-"

Philza pats the counter beside him. Forever's a long study in losing battles, and some of them just aren't worth the principle; he hoists himself up, accepts the toast and the water bottle, and pretends breathing is something he does for himself.

"I know everything's a bit shit right now, and I can't promise it won't stay shit - can't even promise it won't get worse - but we're in this together. Pierre will get that shit out his head, and Toby'll work out what it was for, and then we'll go kick some Federation teeth in knowing exactly what we're doing it for. Sound good?"

If that's Philza's idea of a pep talk, Forever has no idea how the man commands the loyalty he does. Still, it makes him laugh, anxiety running off him with the slight pitch of hysteria in his tone.

"I don't think I'm cut out for kicking teeth in," Forever says, once he gathers himself. "Not then, not now, you know?"

"Luckily for you, I'm a dumbass, and it's what I'm best at," and, no, if you asked Forever that's far from Philza's greatest skill, even if it is certainly one of them.

Perhaps his greatest skill comes after those words, when Forever can make no reply, cannot keep up the banter. Philza pauses. He reassesses. He puts down his paperwork, and shifts to the side.

"Forever?" he asks, much gentler now. "Do you want a hug?"

Forever doesn't bother answering the question; he collapses against a waiting chest, is wrapped tight in waiting arms, and continues sitting, continues waiting for news.

There's no platitudes, no sympathies, no promises that can't be kept. There's just Forever, and Philza, a science laboratory, and the hope that, after so long, there's still enough left of Felps that he can be saved.

(There had been coordinates, hidden in a supply cache, with a note asking if he remembers that night in Rio. The handwriting was familiar - too familiar - and it was the next in a series lasting years. Every one has led to information, to allies, or to desperately needed resources - Forever has come to trust them, the little notes from an informant he never recruited or met but suspects that he knows.)

(So he'd asked Bad for a distraction, and taken just Philza with him, and slipped into the research centre.)

(Now they know what was there - Felps, in a stasis tube, a chip in his brain killing him slowly and with a function to kill him fast, alone and unconscious and bearing half-healed wounds - maybe he would have killed the scientist, not sedated her.)

The surgery doesn't kill Felps, though not doing so might have done. As soon as the implant is cleaned up and handed over to Tubbo, their chief engineer recognises a remote detonator on it. How it hadn't been used yet - perhaps it is just a defective one - Forever has no idea, but that's not really his concern.

Hours pass. The sedatives should have worn off, but Felps does not wake. Aypierre hesitates in a way the man rarely does, before reminding Forever he's a neuroscientist - occasionally a more general biologist - not a doctor.

But they don't /have/ a doctor, and Aypierre is the closest they have, so Forever clings to his words.

They don't have a medical facility either, just Aypierre's autopsy lab scrubbed down and seared with UV. Usually the recovering take one of the bunks in the common room, and everyone just works around them.

For this though...

Forever has a bed, in his office, an old thing with taunt canvas pulled over a metal frame. There's more space up there, and more privacy, and Forever has the excuse to stay close if Felps is sleeping where he works.

So they carry him over there, and Aypierre brings what medical equipment they have, and the back wall of Forever's office becomes a miniature ICU.

(The first time Forever met Felps, it was at an underground military base in the Serra da Mantiqueira. He was supposed to be a young and bright political aide on the path to a career in government. Instead aliens had decided to invade, and his boss had decided he was better suited to ensuring no misuse of public funds in the new task force set up to deal with it. She was unsure if it was worth it, in the early days, to mix washed out soldiers with career criminals with volunteers and undocumented scientists, and throw them to the aliens just to see if it would slow them down.)

(He was younger, he was stubborn, and he was put out by the assignment - he knows the force was made up of the disposable, the expendable, and people who wouldn't be missed, and he knew what it meant to be assigned there. Still he grit his teeth and smiled and went along with it, and in turn was introduced to a whirlwind of people. He barely remembers most of them these days, and certainly not the introductions. What he does remember is that, at the centre of it all, was Felps.)

(Not in a literal way - that was their commander - but off to one corner, hiding a smirk at the chaos behind a clipboard, was the equally young parole officer. Forever had always known the quiet ones in the corners know all the goings on.)

(So he brought him a coffee, and asked for his name, and the rest of what was said is lost to time.)

Forever spends the night on his couch. Come morning Felps shows no sign of waking, no sign of life but the rise and fall of his chest and the steady beat of the heart monitor.

He knows what it means, and he hates it - it's not just that Felps is more sensitive to the sedative, and the blood tests show it's not another drug in him system. Not a known drug, at least, but an unknown one they're equally helpless to act on.

And if it's not the sedative, and it's not Federation drugs... It means there's actual damage, it means something in Felps' brain or his mind is damaged, and only when it heals will he wake.

Forever's never cared much for the distinction, and neither did Felps. Cellbit, Pac, Mike - one of them would know, but they're not here to explain it. Aypierre is too technical; Bad once says it's the difference between meat and thoughts. It's something to do with psionics but, again, Forever's field was the purse strings, the PR, the morale, and in recent times has become decision making.

He's not a medic.

They don't /have/ a medic.

Not a real one. Field medics, kinda, people who can stop someone bleeding out long enough to get home, sure, but once they're home?

Aypierre is all they have, and he's the first to admit that dissection and surgery are not quite the same skillset.

He /does/ know brain surgery, however, or at least this specific one - he cut his own, similar implant using mirrors and less than half the tools he has now. He chose death over continuing to serve as the Federation's toy, and it was only Roier noticing that the Feds were hunting /something/ that lead to him being rescued before he was murdered in the sewers of Toulon.

So when Aypierre says the surgery was successful, Forever is inclined to believe him - or at the very least knows there's no better opinion to he had. The surgery was successful, but with the implant dug deep into the very depths of his brain, with the fact even a careful extraction will leave tissue around it damaged, to say nothing of the tissue it replaced... It is hard, then, to know how long the damage will take to heal.

If the damage will heal. Brains are tricky things, unpredictable like that.

No, not if - when - Forever refuses, he refuses to loose anyone again.

(The aliens breached the gate as the fireworks sounded for the new year. Within minutes they were overrun, bodies littering the floor. They fought back - of course they did. Forever hid in the command room, pistol in hand and crouched behind a filing cabinet. Cellbit and Felps were with him at first - Tazercraft were blessedly away at a conference - but quickly lost in the struggle.)

(The aliens came, and then the bombs, and Forever, already injured, ducked under a table to escape the falling rubble.)

(And then, the next he knew, there was blood on his hands and his face as he stumbled from the rubble, skin and clothes torn all over. Nobody came to help them, nobody came to save them, their little group who held fast in the fact of the threat, made of rejects and failures and those with nothing but each other to loose. There was no rescue operation, no hand or medical attention, just broken fingers clawing their way out of the rubble.)

(Because they were rejects and failures and the dregs of society. Having nothing but each other means that nobody else will save them - and by the time Forever wakes everyone's dead, or they're gone, or they're too far away to help. So, he claws himself from the rubble and saves himself in their names instead.)

(A month later, the government surrenders all power to the aliens - to the Federation. Forever thinks of a base turned home turned unmarked grave, steals a pistol, and leaves.)

Days pass in a blur. He shifts around his office, making sure he can always see Felps where he lies unmoving on Forever's ancient army bed. Every other report he reads he glances up, watching Felps' chest move, watching the heart monitor continue in a steady pattern, watching for the slightest hint of a twitching finger.

It doesn't come. Still, it doesn't come.

He receives Bad's report from the diversion mission - the man himself is injured, shot in the leg and demanding Forever brings him hot chocolate.

He can't, he can't - Forever can't bring himself to do it, to leave Felps alone in a strange place filled with strange people after having been tortured for so long.

It is Roier that brings the report - Forever has him fetch the hot chocolate instead.

Roier brings him a mug, too - it's only weeks later that Forever realises that the request was an attempt to drag him from his room.

(That night he dreams of their old base - their home - and as they celebrated some random victory. Pac and Mike had rigged up an ancient disco set in their laboratory, clearing the work benches to the sides. The two of them danced under sparkling lights - as did Forever, as did Felps - and Cellbit sat on one of those benches with a bottle of something alcoholic and laughed.)

(They were young, they were dangerous, but they were free. The war as going well enough to take a night to themselves, and so they did. There were so many things to worry about, so many stresses even then, but they were together, and together, and as happy as they knew how to be.)

(Two months later, Forever now knows, their worlds would be destroyed.)

Forever barely sleeps, or eats, his days spent between his desk and Felps' side. When he has to he sleeps on the tattered old couch, the slightest jolt of the ship waking him as it never has before.

He gets news from R&D - Tubbo managed to deactivate the self-destruct on the implant, and Aypierre has been working on decoding it. The data is too corrupted to be much use, but seems to have been forcibly connecting Felps into a psionic network. Like a soul-bond, but artificial, using his very brain as a processor to run combat simulations.

Draining his strength, his consciousness, his soul - even if the physical damage is limited, the damage to his psyche itself...

Felps will wake up. He has to.

The-contact-who-Forever-prays-is-Cellbit entrusted Felps to him, and Forever...

Ten years ago they were five, and they were family - Cellbit and Felps and Pac and Mike and Forever. He thought Felps died that day, when the bombs came down. Cellbit he hasn't seen since, either, though he heard rumours as he clawed his way through ruined cities and refused to give in. Pac, Mike - Tazercraft were with him for a while, then one day they went to retrieve some needed parts and just never came home.

A lot of people just never come home, in the end.

It's been four years since them, and there's been other people, but Forever hasn't heard a word from his family in that time.

Now it's just him, and Felps. Felps, returned beyond reason, rescued from beyond help, lying in Forever's own bed and nobody has any idea if he's slowly healing or slowly dying, or maybe even just slowly existing in the only way he has left.

(It was never him and Felps, before - him and Cellbit and Felps, him and Pac and Mike and Felps, but never him and Felps alone. They circled around each other, and they were friends - family - but they were not as close as the rest. Now its just them, them, them, and if Felps dies on them Forever doesn't think there's any salvaging his soul.)

(Felps must hold their souls in his hands - how else could he have sat in the middle of five and just smiled even as they tore down the world?)

It's four days before he breaks, sobbing at Felps' side. Philza finds him there, not too long after, and carries him to the couch.

He falls asleep on Philza's lap, and wakes up on a pillow, with a blanket for the first time in days.

After a moment panic sets in, after another moment he finds Philza sat at his desk, sorting through the requests for aid and reports, his Crow's eyes angled to record the heart monitor and keep him from needing to look up to see it.

"Phil?" he asks, and it's the first word in days.

"Go back to sleep," Philza says. "I've got you, king."

Forever doesn't do as he's told - he sits, and he twists, and he watches Felps breathe for himself.

Aypierre comes to check on Felps, an electrical engineer turned neuroscientist turned makeshift doctor after one too many alien brain dissections left him the closest thing to a surgeon they have. They need one - a real one - but human doctors are one of the groups that the Federation rounded up, disappeared, and left only technology in their place.

You still find a few, of course, but not many. Not very many at all.

The timing might be serendipitous, or it might be hell - as Aypierre is looking after Felps, Forever's pager pings.

So does Philza's - and, fuck, did he steal Philza from a shift?

Either way, there's a message, and it needs an immediate response. Summons are to the command centre, and Forever...

Forever doesn't know how to leave the room.

"Pierre will keep an eye on him," Philza promises, and maybe that's half of the problem.

But Forever doesn't know how to say that, so he lets Philza take his hand and pull him across the hallway.

It's the width of one hallway to the command room, then a set of iron stairs down from the observation balcony to the hub. They ignore the maps and the globe for the computers, Philza leaning on a nearby wall giving his silent support as Forever answers the call.

There's psionic transmitters causing problems under Tijuana, sending out bursts to incapacitate psionically sensitive civilians for moments at a time. Forever isn't sure why, but it sounds like hell - he thinks of Pac and Mike, natural, accidental psionics, heaven knows where, heaven knows if they're alive, dropped to the ground in debilitating pain for some alien's sick amusement.

He thinks of Felps, and the brain implant, and wonder if that's left him sensitive now too.

"Put Fit on it," Philza suggests. "He's demolitions, and as sensitive as a fucking rock."

It's not a lie, but it /is/ funny. For the first time in what feels like years, Forever smiles.

"Can you put together a team?" Forever asks of him. "I don't know if..."

He trails off, Philza looks curious, but nods, "That's... Mexico, right? I'll see if Missa's free."

"Thanks," Forever says, and he means it. "I need to get back..."

"To your paperwork, right?" Philza helps him save face, just like that. "Fucking dumbasses, you'd think by now they'd know you use E45-C not D14-Q for munitions requisitions, and yet!"

"And yet."

Forever hasn't seen that particular mistake, yet, and dreads what he'll find in the reams waiting for him.

It's only later he realises he shouldn't just be the paperwork he's afraid of. Reality crashes back in - Bad, still on crutches and confined to the common room after that hit, and the fact Philza never returned from assembling a team.

Which means Philza went out with them - of course he did, he's useful, and strong, and good at this, but Forever's not even at the comms if something does go wrong!

But Felps is here, and Aypierre left when Forever returned, and he just-

Forever feels his heart rate pick up, and twist, and mangle. He drops to his knees and holds them and tries his best to plan - they need resources, they need a doctor, they need labs and a medical bay and power hubs and... And so much.

If they can get a radio relay set up... If the can do that, maybe they'll have an easier time finding an actual doctor to recruit. Maybe Fit - no, he's out - or Wilbur - no, Fit did his radios for him - know something... Forever makes a note to ask, scrabbles for waste paper, and starts making lists of what they'll need.

He's still making lists when, hours later, a muddy Philza knocks and sticks his head around the door.

"All sorted," he says. "Got the transmitters taken out; I'll get you more paperwork in the morning, but nobody's hurt. Nothing even had time to shoot at us. Clearly weren't expecting us, the idiots."

"Thank you," and finally Forever feels like he can breathe.

"It's what you-" Philza pauses. "Wait, you don't pay me. It's what you feed me for, though; need anything before I go shower?"

"Go, go," Forever shoos him away. "I'll call if I need you."

They both know he won't.

(That night, Forever dreams of a screaming heart monitor, of being pushed aside to make room for compressions and electricity and a last ditch effort to save Felps' life. He dreams they try for so long, but they fail, Felps' body just too weak to carry on.)

He wakes the next morning with a scream, panicking as he looks, as he checks, as he sees.

Felps is alive, still alive, still unresponsive but still alive. He lies unmoving on the bed, but for the steady rise and fall of his chest.

Forever grabs his hand and clings to his wrist, not trusting the monitor right now.

No work gets done that isn't already in motion - Forever spends the day clinging to Felps' wrist, measuring his pulse with every step, and begging him to survive.

(Felps warned him about Cellbit, and indirectly about Tazercraft, but Forever couldn't stay away. What makes a man tick, what drives someone to murder, what is the scum of the earth but human at the end of the day?)

(It's an addiction, maybe, to dangerous people. To Cellbit, whose danger is obvious with so many murders to his name and a reputation for making death hurt, to Mike, who creates world-ending weapons in his sleep and picks your pockets while he thinks, to Pac, who seems innocent enough until you find yourself pranked with a glitter trap, and three days later he uses the same concept to set an entire alien squad on fire.)

(To Felps, who looks like just a person, but somehow the world orbits around him - or at least those three, and by extension Forever, do.)

(/Wa/s. Creat/ed/. Seem/ed/. Look/ed/.)

(They're gone now, stolen from him. Dangerous people who became friends, who became family, and now are gone. Even Felps, now returned, might never wake again. Even now, they are family. Even now, they mean the world to him.)

(And Forever doesn't know if he'll ever speak to any of them ever again.)

Forever does his best to refuse sleep again. After a short while of that, Bad escapes bed rest, and immediately comes to find him - the man has a sensor for Forever's bullshit, he swears.

Soon enough Forever is wrapped up in a blanket and tucked up on the sofa while Bad plays ancient movies, DVDs salvaged from ruined cities, on an equally battered tv. They both have not chocolate, and Bad rests his injured leg on Forever's battered coffee table.

They don't speak, but Bad leans against Forever's arm. Forever leans back, their heads pressed together.

It feels like he can breathe, for the first time since they brought Felps home Forever feels like he can breathe.

(Once upon a time there were enough beds for everyone. The five of them had pushed their bunks together and slept arm in arm. They'd usually ended up in a knot over the three middle beds, pulling everyone and their blankets together. It had taken months to grow that close, and it had raised the eyebrows of their comrades - two scientists, a cop, a serial killer, and a political aide sharing a bed - but once they were family and the winter drew in... Well...)

(Once upon a time there were enough beds for everyone, but Forever isn't sure he ever remembers there being enough blankets to keep out the chill.)

In the morning Bad is gone, and there's a fresh stack of paperwork on his desk. Forever files it, attends his meetings, begins planning a meeting between the Deserters and the Reapers, and knows that's only another headache to come. Aypierre promises to stay with Felps, because there's some things Forever cannot avoid.

Forever's fingers twitch and shake, every moment he can slip away he goes and checks on his friend. There's never a change, he's not really expecting one now - just for Felps to sleep and sleep until he gets an infection or they run out of ways to feed him or someone with a better chance of survival needs the machines keeping him alive.

Forever can't loose him - he can't, he can't, he can't - but with every day there's no change... Every day there's no change, it becomes more likely he'll die.

(Felps was never a great combatant, a bit like Forever himself. If Cellbit had decided to fight his leash, he almost certainly would have won.)

(Somehow, that never happened. Instead, when they were sent out into the field, even Forever, even Felps, not supposed to be combatants but the situation was dire... Even Pac and Mike were sent out, experienced in /something/ physical, but supposed to be confined to research and the lab. Maybe predictably, Felps was shot. When he was left bleeding and dying on the ground... Pac had been right there with a medkit, and Mike covering them both, and Forever had been able to do little but watch as Cellbit ripped his attacker apart with his bare hands, screaming bloody vengeance as he did.)

(But Felps hadn't died that day, and they hadn't lost him, and this time it's Forever who is left to cradle his head while they wait for help that will never come.)

(They'll pick up the pieces all the same. It's what they've always done, isn't it?)

Some days are harder, some are easier, most are grim. Forever cannot bring himself to leave for more than a few minutes, and Tubbo ends up wiring the video calls into his office. Let's him stay even more, stay closer even so.

Maybe it's bad for him, maybe he should get out more as Philza and Bad both try to say, but here is Felps and Forever will not leave him alone again.

He's been alone for ten years - whether he wakes or he dies, Forever will not let him be alone when it happens.

(He dreams of Rio, of the place hopefully-Cellbit asked him about in that note, in that note which led to Felps. Tazercraft were heading off to some research convention, so the five of them took the night off to party. They'd used the flights an excuse to be in the city overnight rather than the base, booking out hotel rooms and spending the night at the hotel bar. It wasn't anything special, except that they were together, and away from the base, and it never happened again.)

(Felps had passed around bracelets, made of cheap plastic beads, with their initials scratched into the plastic with scissors then coloured with marker pen. Forever still has his, still wears it every day. He's had to replace the string a few times, and while working keeps it safely under his gloves, but it's still there - it's still there, and it always will be.)

"Felps" Forever whispers to him, one night when it's late and he's tired and he knows he should sleep but he doesn't think he can. "Felps."

He isn't sure what to say, he doesn't know what he can do, he can only run his thumb across Felps' cheek and pray tomorrow's negotiations does not go so wrong as to need to take the medical equipment away.

"I miss you," Forever ends up saying. "I miss all of you. You're right here, but you're not really company."

"Did you know the world has changed?" he continues. "It's not for the better - perhaps it's better for you to stay asleep, to remember a better world and imagine maybe we could have won... We didn't. We lost. We lost... We lost everything... The world, our home, each other... It's just you and me, now. I... I wish the others were here, too."

His voice breaks. Forever swallows it - it will do nobody any good to cry.

"Do you remember Rio?" he asks the question maybe-Cellbit asked of him. "Do you remember the last time we were all together?"

Forever takes a deep breath, and bows his head.

"I hope you do," he says. "I hope you remember us. I hope... I hope you are happy, whatever you are dreaming of."

He might not be dreaming at all. He might already be dead, nothing left but the automatic motions to survive.

And Forever knows... Forever knows his chances aren't good.

"I miss you," this time when his voice breaks, Forever does nothing to end it. "Please, Felps... Please, wake up soon... I know you love to sleep, but hasn't it been long enough?"

He knows it won't work, he knows Felps' body will wake or it will decay, that begging does nothing but waste his breath.

He begs anyway.

"It'll be okay," he promises, broken smile through the tears. "I'll make sure you're okay - you just need to wake up, that's all."

He'll burn the world, if it means Felps would be okay.

"I'm scared, Felps, I'm so scared you'll never wake. I'm scared I can't give you the time you need, that'll I've fucked up somehow."

The tears flow freely now.

"I miss you."

He slips down and down, until his head rests on the metal bar a the side of the old camp bed. His hands move, too, from cradling Felps' face to holding his hand, cling to it like it's the last lifeline on earth.

It might as well be, at least for Forever.

"I really, really miss you."

He sobs into the fabric on which Felps lays, and continues sobbing until he falls asleep.

(Forever dreams of an angel with Felps' face, or perhaps of Felps in another time, finding an excuse to sneak him from meetings, to bring food to his desk, to just sit in the offices and chat while they worked.)

(He dreams of a thousand tiny interactions which happened, and others he imagined, in a world long dead but that he fights for all the same.)

(He dreams of that angel holding his hands, and promising that this isn't the end, that there's still something to save, that they can be whole again.)

(Forever doesn't know when he stopped believing him.)

Forever wakes to a gentle touch on his face, a hesitant, slack finger tracing across his face.

He opens his eyes, and blinks, and traces the fingers to an arm, and an arm to a shoulder, and a shoulder to confused eyes.

"Why are you crying?" Felps asks, the movement of his lips an almost silent whisper.

"Felps?" Forever whispers, grabbing back the hand and holding it close.

"Hi Forever," he sees the way ta smile grows from Felps' eyes to his lips. "What... Happened?"

"So much," Forever runs a hand over his face. "My God, so much has happened - but you're safe now. I- I've got you, you're safe now."

And, it's true, or as true as it can possibly be when they're hunted on all sides and the world is on fire.

"You're safe," the tears begin spilling, faster and faster. His fingers twitch to cuff Felps' shoulder, to press against his arm, to call him an idiot, to scold him for scaring them - for scaring him - but he's so fragile on the old bed, with wires and machines and papery skin, and Forever is terrified if he is anything but gentle he'll shatter his friend. "You... You're actually here. You're /alive/."

Forever barely remembers to summon Aypierre - there are tests to be done and checks to be made and Forever doesn't even know where to start, he just puts a non-emergency summons through before he breaks into a sob the tears become too thick to see.

"Don't cry," he hears that whisper from Felps. "Please, don't cry!"

But Forever cannot handle that - he smiles through the tears, lifts Felps' hand to kiss his fingers, and presses it to his forehead once he has. There's laughter in his sobbing, and a flicker of joy in his heart; Felps is weak, so weak, he's missed so much and has been so hurt, but he's alive, he's alive, he's alive!

Forever's never lost someone and found them alive before. He's lost and he's lost, his friends have vanished and they've died and they've been taken, and sometimes he's even found the bodies; he's never had one come back to him before. Just as they've lost ground, and allies, and every stationary base they've ever made, he's lost his friends. Loss, loss, loss, years without a victory, without anything better than a bittersweet win - just getting the Avenger livable and flying cost them Tazercraft, and he's never believed it was worth it.

To be honest with the world, he'd stopped believing victories were even possible at all.

So despite what Felps asks of him he sits there and cries, and cradles his hand even while Aypierre works, and maybe, just maybe, with Felps at his side it might someday be okay.

#qsmp fanfic #qsmp x xcom #qsmp au #qsmp felps #qsmp forever #not sure how many of the others are worth tagging #angst #hurt/comfort #qsmp favela5 as family #it would be 6 but bagi hasn't been introduced yet #merry christmas y'all enjoy this monsterous angst fest #which out of order and in piecemeal explains forever's backstory #or at least some key pointers #and the nature of the favela and what they mean to each other #mostly forever and felps #but forever and all of them #and also bits of forever and philza or bad #and a bit of aypierre's backstory #the details here of aypierre's are ripped wholesale from a canon character #including the stuff about being a scientist forced to doctor by circumstances #sorry for the long top i needed to ramble #this entire fic is ramble #but i needed to intro-ramble too #this - rescuing felps and getting data from his brain implant - is actually the start of the plot #oops lol #i need to make lunch and I'm out from 2 so it miiight be a while before it gets to ao3 #tumblr's also being a shit about me copy-pasting atm #so its time out

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enden-k · 9 months

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im sorry to hear people are stomping all over your boundaries, big props to you for sticking up for yourself and putting your foot down. I hope you're doing ok (/gen)

on another, hopefully happier note, i noticed your info post mentions that you self ship! I'd love to hear about your favourite self ships if you're comfortable talking about them some time?

i actually never did or had interest in this but then haitham waltzed in so hes the first and only one (this whole thing flusters me so its smth i indulge in for myself in private by reading or daydreaming or sometimes i babble and ramble about him very in depth)

(most hkvthm things i draw is just me going 'wish that was me' and drawing it LMFAO)

ohh also same w kaveh but in a slightly different way than haitham (theyre both the only ones) i want them to hold hands. i want them to hold my hands. there

#i dont feel attraction to ppl irl mostly bc im just not comfortable around ppl #and the ones i am are my friends and theres obv no romantic attraction #so when i saw haitham and learned more and mroe of him and how he and i share so many traits and ideas and things it was #instant comfort and the feeling of being understood #that its like #if he was real i would seek out his warmth and presence instead of getting away frm it like with my ex partners when it was too much for me #knowing that he would understand me therefore knowing how to handle me without making me uncomfortable or upset #uhh so basically. he made me realize all i want is just someone who perfetly understands me and knows how to treat me #when to come close and when to give me space #perfectly knowing me and reading me #i cant speak and in the rare moments i am able to im often struggling to form my thoughts into sentences that make sense #so he would still understand and put together that garbled mess and know exactly what i mean #not misunderstanding and acusing me of things or tones i never said or used #ppl and things messed me up quite a bit in the past that im having trouble w lots of things unless im alone #only when im alone i feel truly comfortable and safe bc nothing can hurt or upset me but even then you kinda realize in some moments that #you actually want someone with you but it has to be smn you trust and who knows you inside out and all that #i dont have anyone like that and idk if i ever will but rn this character is jsut rotating in my head giving me these things i crave and #thats enough #sorry that was a lot of gay rambling there but yea idk if it sounds stupid or nah but my #mental health issues got way better and balanced ever since haitham so he really #grounds me and gives me strength and comfort to deal with things i would have be unable to do in the past year #bc even if i dont have smn who truly knows and understands me #inside me there is someone #reply #tags tbd #in case i get embarrassed LMFAO

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carogdraws · 1 year

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I'm definitely not a month or so late, haha...

But it's been more than a year since the start of the Gregaverse! And I've done some doodles of the Gregorys to give a little celebration. (And posting something while I'm finishing work on Part 6 of my comic 😅)

Includes Gregorys from:

Afton's Return (mine)

Portal x FNAF crossover (also mine)

Right Back At You ( @saltynsassy31 )

Home is Where Freddy is ( @notsodailycake )

Megapizzaplex Security Puppet ( @moonfang182-magic )

New Vessel ( @moonfang182-magic )

Not So Purple Bunny ( @yayadrawsthingz )

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cerise-on-top · 12 days

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ALLO!!!!

how are you, love?!?!!? I hope driving practice has been good!!

I was wondering this the other day, cuz I was rereading one of my favorite posts of yours about Rudy, and I’m curious, why does he feel the need to be strong and not be seen as weak? Like, why doesn’t he initiate that besides feeling like it would bother his partner? I wanna know who HURT MY BABY!!! >:(

Hey there!

I'm doing fine, thank you! How are you! Driving has been alright! I passed my exam and soon I will be driving with my mother for practice! I plan to get the practical exam done sometime before November :D

I can actually give you two answers to your question, a short, but truthful one, and a longer one! Under the read more so I won't clutter anyone's dashboard ^^

In short: Rodolfo is, surprisingly, the character I project onto the most while writing! So, yeah, him being the way he is is just me projecting my personality onto him!

The long answer would be that he's actually got a bit of toxic masculinity in him. All those characters have been in the military ever since they were young, where I always liked to think the men would be rather toxic, not wanting to be seen as weak and just wanting to show off how strong and cool they are. I don't usually show too much of it in other characters, but another character who grew up and internalized some toxic masculinity, in my writing, is Soap. But he handles it a bit differently from Rodolfo. However, he would want to be seen as a traditionally strong man as well.

Rodolfo was shaped by his time in the military and started believing that he was not to show very many emotions either. Sure, he will show that he's happy, that he's somewhat annoyed, but not usually to the extent he really feels it, unless there's not a lot to that emotion in that moment. Everyone around him was a show-off, was cocky and somewhat immature as well. He has always been more mature than others his age, but it still rubbed off on him. Deep inside he does still want to show his emotions. But that's showing weakness to him. Sometimes he just wants to cry and have someone comfort him, he almost always wants someone to hold him and be sappy with him, telling him how much they love him. It doesn't even need to be a romantic kind of love, if a good friend of his was to ever tell him that they loved him then he'd be over the moon, even if he'd just answer with a simple "thanks".

Ever since he joined all those wannabe machos that believe that being strong means never showing how damaged you are, he sort of became like them. Sure, he usually has his emotions under control, you usually can't tell he's too upset unless he's about to tear someone's throat out, but that also means that the people close to him will never really hear the truth. He needs to be the big, strong man in your relationship, anything else just isn't acceptable. While he may not believe in all that alpha male nonsense, he does believe that he should be the one to make more money than his partner, that he should always take the bullet for them, that he should fight off any and all competitors out there.

It's more extreme when his partner is a woman, or female aligned, because in that case he really feels as though he has to be her pillar, that he can't show any "weakness" at all. With enough persistent persuasion, he could slowly change his mind, but it would take a while.

That toxic masculinity is also the reason why Rodolfo, as I write him, prefers men. Don't get me wrong, he still loves women, but when with a man it's not as extreme. He won't show everything he feels, but he'll be a bit more at ease. Even initially, he can be more open with a man because there's a kind of kinship he doesn't immediately have with a woman. If his partner is more open with his feelings, then he has a slightly easier time as well. If his partner is a "weak" man, who needs to be protected, then that's alright too. It shows Rodolfo that men don't always need to be those strong, aggressive beings. Besides, that toxic masculinity he believes in applies to him the most, it's not as severe with other people. So he won't hold his partner accountable for showing emotions or being affectionate with him. In fact, Rodolfo actually likes it when his partner is being affectionate with him, it means that he loves him. Rodolfo is affection starved anyway. Sure, Alejandro is affectionate with him, but it's not nearly enough to satiate him. He's very much like a black hole in that regard: No matter how much affection you throw at him, it likely isn't enough. He loves affection, but he won't show it through "normal" means, such as initiating a cuddling session, unless explicitly asked.

If asked, he will do just about anything since that's his job as a strong man, to make his partner happy. If you ask to hold him, then that's one of the only times he'll "swallow his pride". In reality, he could cry because he really just wants to be held. Deep down he wants to be pampered and taken care of as much, if not even more so than, his partner. He's actually a real sweetheart, he just can't show it all the time. Wants to be peppered in kisses and be told that he's the most handsome lad in the world. But alas, he can't even ask for comfort. If he's sad then he'll just swallow it down, not wanting to bother his partner, and, of course, to "seem stronger than he actually is".

So yeah, Rodolfo really suffers from all that toxic masculinity nonsense.

#cherry chats #do I tag this as #Rodolfo Parra #sorry this got really long I just have a lot to say about Rodolfo ^^;#but yeah toxic masculinity is a disease and Rodolfo caught it when he joined the military #he may not be as aggressive as other men. hell he's not a casanova either but you will mostly see him feeling neutral #so no one really hurt him he just became like that because of his environment #as mentioned before: Soap also has that. Graves too #most of the men do. not very many of them are entirely comfortable in their masculinity and need to show off whenever they can #I genuinely believe that Gaz is pretty comfortable with where he is though #but he's one of the only ones #while not all of them want to be pampered like Rodolfo they do want to be the bigger and stronger person #I'd even go as far as to say that someone being “stronger” than them would be a dealbreaker for some of them #Rodolfo would feel conflicted in a situation like that. he wants to be protected deep down #he wants someone to be stronger than him but he's not sure he could let something like that happen #so yeah! sorry again! thank you for letting me rant though! ^^

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