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lovebunnie · 4 years

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fr the poem questions: all of them >: )c

jared... only for you...

the tyger – are you a taker of calculated risks or do you enjoy playing with fire? would you rather ask for permission or forgiveness?

i am a major rule follower, i am not at all adventurous and i like to stay in my comfort zone. my life is a mix of staying true to my comfort zone and doing what I feel is right, first instinct.

i carry your heart with me – do you believe in fate? what’s your secret to living a good life?

i tend to not believe in fate, it tends to make people not take responsibility for their actions and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth; predestination takes away humility from us. and i wouldnt say that im currently living a good life, its getting there but more often then not i would not describe my days as ‘happy’, more so just another day. but to make a day not outwardly bad, i firmly believe in having a really good breakfast in the morning and taking a shower at night. both of those really make my days better.

i wandered lonely as a cloud – what does nature mean to you? where do you feel most at peace?

nature for me is what comes to us instinctively and what we turn to for comfort in trying times. i feel the most at peace either at summer camp or in my bedroom with my cat :3

blackberrying – what were your early years like? do you miss being a child?

my early years were very happy, i was a very happy and funloving child. it was a time where i wasnt told about any of my family drama so i lived in blissful ignorance. i definitely miss being a child, all the way up to about 7th grade. its just been downhill from 8th grade and on.

ode to a nightingale – how do you feel about your own mortality? do you believe in life after death?

my mortality is something of a burden i carry with me everyday, a reminder that every minute is precious and this is the only life i get, i have one shot to not fuck it up. i dont believe in the afterlife, the concept of death is something that if i think too hard about then itll fuck me up.

hope is the thing with feathers – what gives you hope? what would you tell your 10-year-old self?

hope comes from those news stories about good news, like charity donation goals being hit and remembered anniversaries and flower bouquets in public, there is good in the world and sometimes its hard to find but its always there. to my 10 year old self, i would tell her to not hold too tightly to those around you, and that life constantly changes so dont get too attached or comfortable because itll prevent you from growing in the future.

the road not taken – do you find it hard to make decisions? what regrets do you have?

its really hard to make decisions because i always assume that my ideas are wrong or bad so if someone else takes the lead, i cant be blamed. as far as regrets, i wish that in my past, i just put myself out there more. i couldve spent highschool actively seeking for possibilities instead of sulking and wishing they came to me. they dont ever, you have to find them.

still i rise – what's your relationship with yourself like? what are your best qualities?

i have a bad relationship to myself; if i admire one trait about myself, the other traits must be less than. for example, if i think i look nice one day, then i remember abt my grades or my writing and how much i hate both of those. i can never be fully at peace, it will never be enough to sate my psyche. my ‘best’ qualities depend on the day, right now i think i have nice eyelashes.

howl – can you express yourself freely? do you feel smothered by societal norms?

i struggle everyday to be my genuine self. its not so much societal norms but my own mind; i want to look nice but i dont want to attract too much attention. i want to be remembered but not for how good my ass looks or whatever. my biggest fear is that people see me as something desirable but only sexually so i want to dress how i feel but i cant because im terrified of the gaze of men on my campus.

the raven – are you in touch with your feelings? how would you describe the relationship between emotions & rationality?

im extremely in touch with my feelings. i can acknowledge when i am angry or sad or happy, even if i dont know why. i allow myself to feel my feelings and then let them pass, i hate bottling those things up. between emotions and rationality, i use my emotions 9 times out of 10. i ask myself, ‘what do i want?’ and the first thing i come up with, i know is what i truly want to do.

sonnet 116 – how do you define love? what qualities do you look for in a significant other?

i think love is everything; its the warmth of hanging out with familiar people, its when people remember facts about you, its a meaningful hug and its ‘this reminded me of you’. its different for everyone but i feel love in everything i do. in a significant other, the biggest thing is being able to make me laugh, if youre funny than im sold.

to autumn – what's your favorite season and why? what cherished memories do you associate with that season?

my favorite season is winter because it has lots of holiday warmth, good food, pleasant childhood memories, and comfortable clothing. also i love snow. i have very vivid memories of a blizzard in maryland when i was 11(?) years old, my neighbor tied a sled to the back of his ATV and dragged us around the cul de sac, it was so much fun!!

the waste land – do you like big cities? if you could choose any place on earth, where would you settle down?

i love big cities, they evoke so many feelings of love and the atmosphere being surrounded by people makes me so happy! if i could live anywhere, i think it would be san francisco, i love the city and the weather and the public transportation!!

o captain! my captain! – what are your aspirations in life? what motivates you?

in life, i want to give a tedtalk. i would also love to publish a book but i dont like what i write so if i ever did, id end up hating the book anyway in a year or so. i want to teach people the joy of public speaking and i want to give kids the joys i had given to me by my teacher when i was their age. my motivation comes from, this has to be done and if no one else will do it, it might as well be me. i have the passion and everything else will follow after that.

she walks in beauty – what's your aesthetic? how would you describe the relationship between inner goodness & outer beauty?

id describe my aesthetic as lovecore, i love the color pink and red and hearts and flowers and teddy bears and dresses and sparkles and valentines day and i love everything stereotypically ‘cute’. and i feel there is no outer beauty without inner goodness, if someone has bad intentions or a rotten core, their outward appearance will reflect.

one art – how do you deal with loss? do you write diary entries, poetry or prose?

thankfully i have not had to go through tremendous loss in my life but when i feel an emotional loss or general low point, i tend to move towards art, aimless doodling to take my mind off of situations. it centers me.

work, sometimes – how does your favorite weather make you feel? what is happiness to you?

my favorite weather makes me feel SO happy, all smiley and giddy and like things are going to be okay, just for one day, i will make this a good one. happiness to me is comfort and joy, its something that makes you laugh until your sides hurt and its art that you look at and feel. happiness isnt a huge moment, its little moments scattered throughout the days.

acquainted with the night – do you think there's such thing as the right time? what’s your outlook on the world?

no, i dont like to set things off for the thought of there being a right and wrong time. time isnt real and we only have so long on earth so there is no time but the present. go get that tattoo, ask them out, eat that snack. my outlook on the world is that there is a lot of bad shit but there is also a lot of good shit you will never see but it important nonetheless. you cant change the world in a day so you might as well take it one day at a time, working everyday to make it as good as possible.

if – do you daydream a lot? are you volatile, or do you stay calm when conflicts arise?

i love to day dream, it helps me determine what i really want and its a lovely distraction when the goings get tough. i try to avoid conflicts in every situation possible but if i were pushed, id either accept my mistake and apologize and work towards a better future; or i would tell the other person how im feeling and what i can do to help them feel better.

what would i give? – do you cry often? if you could change anything about your past, what would it be?

things make me sad but rarely enough to cry, things more so tend to weigh me down then break me. i let the sadness take me however it sees fit. and if thats to cry, so be it. if i could change anything about my past, i would just say that you will only get this chance to start over in a new state once, the years will go by quick so to TAKE OPPORTUNITIES WHEN THEY SHOW THEM SELF TO YOU!!!!!!

#adoration #rockcandey #stan tag #this took so long

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warmau · 7 years

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hi!!!!! can I please request for a minhyun college au? I am addicted to your writing (･´з`･) thank you in advance xxx

for nu’est ive decided it’d be cool to make them all medical students!! so consider it residency-college!au LOL~

specialty: minhyun is doing his residency in dermatology

is known as the “pretty boy” of the unit and other residents are always joking that patients favor him because,,,,,,,,well one he has gorgeous skin,,,,,,,but everything else about him is literally just as gorgeous

is really sweet and tries his best to be polite,,,,,,even if taking another 10 hour shift is literally going to Kill Him,,,,,minhyun just smiles and is like : ) it’s fine : ) im fine

his superiors like him the most and their favoritism shows because guess who doesn’t get yelled out for taking a five minute snack break? it’s minhyun

but even though he comes off so mannered and mature,,,,,he has a lil nerdy side,,,,,like his phone background is always his cute niece and him but one day someone noticed that his lock screen was literally a screenshot from the transformers movie,,,,,,,like,,,,,,,,,

everyone keeps asking if he’s dating and minhyun is just like,,,,i,,,,,d,,dating?!?!?!?! and they’re like oh my god you have the face and you’re telling us you haven’t used it yet

and minhyun is like ?!?! i use it everyday to eat, to read - and everyone is like oh jesus no that’s nOT WHat we MEANT

but if anyone as much as dares to try to do ‘corrupt’ minhyun (as dongho affectionately refers to it) minhyun just turns pink and bites his lips and is like i!! don’t know anything about that,,,,,

boy is already in residency and sometimes if a patient get too close he has to excuse himself,,,,,,,soft boy

speaking of dongho and the rest of nu’est they all do residency in the same hospital so every now and then they’ll meet up to eat lunch outside

and everyone swoons because they’re the ~visual residents~ a group of goodlooking guys in white doctors coats,,,,,,what a dREAM

and then dongho gets crumbs all over his scrubs and minhyun is like come here i need to clean it - don’t you dare run from me- come bacK

is really good at his job though, so much so that people are like he doesn’t even need to do residency he knows sO MUCh

graduated at the top of his class in med school, still studies as diligently as before, literally takes notes on e v e r y t h i n g the doctors say

jr jokes that when minhyun opens his own dermatology clinic he should give all of them face lifts but minhyun is like,,,,,,,,im not doing that im doing immunodermatology wanna hear what i learned about leprosy-

jr: i gtg rn i was just trying to make a joke i am so sorry

anyway you also work in the hospital,,,,,but not as a resident or anything you’re actually in the tech department

and you know about minhyun because how can you not,,,,,but also,,,,,,,,he’s called the tech department like a minimum of twenty times a week because for some reason he’s super smart

but takes like ten years to type in a patients chart notes and he’s always getting a bit confused with the hospitals interface

and you,,,,,,,dont mind being the one called to help him i mean like have you /SEEN/ him

just standing beside him is like basking in the sunlights glow and u dont mind. not one bit. tbh u r not gonna like lie when u see a call from the dermatology dept u basically fight people for the phone

buuuuut you also know that it’s a one sided kinda thing,,,because minhyun could have anyone,,,,,,,literally

u can tell from the fact that his lab coats pockets are always full of candy, letters, and more that both patients and staff give him and yeah it makes ur heart sink a bit but like,,,,

whatever the short moment where you get to stand beside him at the desk and tell him (for the 15th time) how to reset the scheduling system works like,,,,,it’s enough

which is why when you get called down again, minhyun voice sounding apologetic over the phone u cheerily tell him it’s no problem - you’ll be right down to see what happened

but since the elevator is taking too long u decide to go down the stairs where,,,,you hear voices echoing as you get closer to the floor ur supposed to meet minhyun on

and???? they sound familiar,,,,,one is obviously dongho’s,,,,,and the other???? minhyun?

and u stop your steps,,,listening to their echoing words

“are you going to ask them? minhyun it’s been two weeks since you decided to say something and you’re still putting it off.”

“,,,,,what if they don’t like me-”

“NO OFFENSE BUT THATS NOT POSSIBLE”

you blink,,,,wondering if you’re hearing another voice,,,,,and it is,,,,this one belongs to another resident. ren

“minhyun, seriously you’re handsome. i dont say that a lot. but ur handsome. very handsome. look at me minhyun does it look like i would lie.”

and finally,,,,the calmest voice of the bunch belong to jr: “you should go for it. i think they like you too.”

and you’re not sure what else they say because the door opens and a couple of nurses rush by you, their footsteps making noise

and in your head you’re wondering,,,,,,who is it that minhyun likes,,,,,,,

but not wanting to get lost in your thoughts you rush down coming out into the dermatology dept and seeing minhyun leaning against the wall near the elevators.

you pat his shoulder,,making him jump a bit and the both of you breaking into blushing apologizes but then he mumbles that he’s pretty sure something is going on with the vital monitor

and you go inside the room to check it out

and as you’re doing your work,,,,you don’t notice minhyun bite his lip,,,,shy eyes trying to avoid your figure in the center of the room

quietly fidgeting with his name tag pinned to his collar

and when you turn, smile on your face “done! it just got unhooked-”

“are you free,,,,,on sunday?”

minhyun’s sudden question catches you off guard and you’re like w-what?? and he’s like,,,,,,,, “i-,,,,i have a shift,,,,but i can- it ends at 8 so i could take u to dinner,,,,,maybe,,,,,-”

minhyun,,,,with all his pretty features and polite personality cannot seem to stutter out a date invitation

but,,,,you also cant believe ur ears???? the person minhyun liked?????was you???

and you’re like “d-don’t you not have many free days? you should rest-”

“it’s ok! i want to,,,,,spend it with you.”

there’s something of a shy smile on his face,,,,but his eyes are nervous and you’re always feeling your palms sweat

because god u really want to say yes,,,,the happiness in your stomach is turning to butterflies,,,,,but you also know that minhyun should rest

so you go “ok,,,,,but how about we do something simple,,,,like watch a movie at my place?”

and minhyun almost turns cherry red at the mention of coming over and he refuses,,,,,saying it’d be un-gentlemen-y of him but ur just like pleassse it’s fine

safe to say you guys do have that date at your place but you purposly pick a boring movie so minhyun falls asleep fifteen minutes in and you let the tired med student sleep soundly on your shoulder as you do your own thing

and ofc when he wakes up minhyun is a mess of “im sorrys” and “im not a creep i promise” but u just laugh and tell him it’s ok,,,,,it was a perfect first date because u were able to see him rest

which honestly just makes minhyun’s heart flutter even more about you,,,,,on the way home he texts ren and is like “i think they’re an angel,,,,,,,”

dating med student!minhyun is slow at first because he’s surprisingly shy about pda or skinship,,,,,to the point where when he first holds ur hand he has to let go 5 minutes later and be like “its not that i dont want to,,,its just,,,,,my hand got sweat and i didnt want u to think thats gross-” and u had to grab his hand back and be like idc if its sweaty i want to hold it forever, minhyun once he gets more comfortable has a habit for always dusting off your uniform or tucking strands of your hair back because he thinks u look cute when ur all neat and whatnot, tbh dongho and jr tell minhyun it might be a lil weird but u like it,,,its minhyun’s personality so u accept it, since he works super long hours u dont really get to see each other often but minhyun really likes it when u text him what ur doing after work esp if u include pictures, at first he’d just be like oh! cool :D or looks yummy! but as you two get closer he’ll kinda be a little sappy saying things like even your silhouette is pretty or i wish i could be beside you right now, a constant struggle is showing people photos of you and minhyun together looking cute in the hospital lobby doing peace signs and ur like that’s my boyfriend! and people are like no no no thats a celebrity honey and ur like,,,no,,,,,no he’s my bf,,,,,,,basically people r just really shocked because minhyun’s visuals are no joke, whenever someone confesses to minhyun whether it’s a patient or a staff he gets all embarrassed but also secretly reaLLY likes saying he has a significant other that he is head over heels for, ren makes fun of him so much for it he imitates his voice and calls out ur name and is like head !!! oveR HEELs~~~!! and minhyun is like pLEASE and ren is just kiss kiss love love u two are sooooo corny, on an anniversary minhyun had work but he sent you a video of him playing on the piano and singing your favorite love song and it legitimately made you tear up, does this thing where when he gets really really tired he’ll never admit it but one kiss from you makes it feel like he can take on the WORLD, an exchange resident named aaron comes to visit and minhyun introduces you to him and is like he’s my bff and aaron is just like “so what base have you and minhyun reac-oK FINE I WONT ASK”, those rare times where residents get more than a day off minhyun always insists on doing the absolute most for you and sometimes you have to literally argue with him to let you do something because he works so hard you want to support him and make it easy, you cooked for him once and you can’t tell if him telling you he LOVED it was fake or real,,,,,,,you guys got matching sweaters from the nu’est boys as a gift and they’re bright pink and corny and minhyun refuses to wear them until you giggled and put it on and minhyun melts for anything you do so he was like ok FINE, surprised you once by pulling you into a storage closet at the hospital and letting a hand slip up your shirt and you were like minhyun?? ?against his neck and he,,,,,couldn’t keep it up you felt his cheeks go hot and he was a stuttering mess like ten minutes in but he was also like i just,,,i really wanted you i dont know what came over me ,,,,,WHAT A FREAKING CUTIE AMIRIGHT THO,,,,promises that once he is done with residency he’s going to get a good job and take you on vacation for never leaving his side through the hardest years of his life and you just kiss his nose and tell him not to worry about it,,,,,but seriously the only thing on minhyun’s mind sometimes (which he finds fascinating) is how much he really rEALLY wants to make you happy,,,,,,,,,,he wants a future,,,,with you

find others here: ong seongwoo | kang daniel | lee daehwi

#nu'est scenarios #nuest scenario #minhyun scenario #minhyun au #minhyun imagine #produce 101 scenarios #produce 101 season 2 #pd101 imagines #pd101 scenarios #nu'est au #nuest imagine #hwang minhyun #sfw #college!au #wanna one scenarios #wanna one

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skinksprite · 7 years

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At least one person wanted to read my horrible self insert fic so now you all have to suffer

So it’s just a throwaway project that I occasionally go back to every so often, and I just write without caring too much about characterization or anything (which means we quietly ignore the fact that these characters would have zero reasons to speak to me in a civil manner, we just accept it). The bits I tried to string together into a plot are on ff.net here, and I’ve linked to chapter eight, which is the point where I came back to it and it goes from your normal ‘oh cool im in a videogame!’ self insert gig into ‘reality kicks in and everything goes to shit, you’ll probably die soon’ territory. Personally I’d like to ignore everything that came before it because it takes way too long to get to the good parts, and I wrote those early chapters when I was much younger. *shrug* Descriptive blood and gore start happening in that chapter, because I had to kill a Sarafan, and then other nasty things go wrong.

Anyway have two (stupidly long) bits from this huge disorganized 17k word file I’ve got floating around still. The second bit is my favorite, it is also horrible and involves blood. Lemme know if you want more, because there’s a couple other sequences I’m fond of that aren’t properly strung together.

The weather was absolute hell. The air of the swamp was already warm and unbearably humid, making it difficult to breathe, and the downpour didn't help things. My hood was down. Water in my face was only slightly more tolerable than a soggy piece of cloth on top of my head. The cooler mud came halfway up to my knees, and the wound in my leg was screaming from the strain. If my shoes weren't tightly strapped on, they would have been lost to the sea of muck by now. It went up my pant legs and into my socks, and my feet were beginning to go numb. I had already tripped up several times in exhaustion, and I was covered in grime and my own blood, the roots and stones hiding beneath the mud giving me scrapes on my arms and face.

The sword became heavier with each passing minute, and all I wanted to do was to collapse somewhere solid and never get up.

So that's what I did. It took awhile for me to get up onto the slab of rock without tripping and hitting my head, as the wet moss made it slick and difficult to get a decent grip. The sword clattered out of my grip and almost slid into the mud, and I bumped my hand in order to save it. I laced my fingers through the decorative tassels so that I wouldn't have to concentrate on holding it any more, and sprawled out on the wet, rough boulder, desperately trying to catch my breath.

"Why" I abruptly half-wheezed, half-barked. The unfinished question was: 'Why am I doing this, why am I even here, and why can I never get enough time for a proper shower.'

Or maybe some food. Food would be nice. I'd been lamenting the loss of Adonathiel's pack the entire trip, but there wasn't enough time to go back and get it. What was important was that Vorador was ressurected, and probably teleported himself far away from the advancing Sarafan troops.

I felt my eyes get heavy. I don't think hanging upside down like that for so long was any good for me. I might have still been slightly concussed too. The only thing that kept me from fully going into sleep, was this annoying clanking noise on the edges of my hearing.

'Oh shit.'

My eyes snapped open and I immediately flipped myself off the rock, crouching into the muck to hide myself from the handful of Sarafan currently trudging in my general direction. I flipped up my hood and had to suppress a whine, as it dumped a load of watery muck all over my head and down my face. I was entirely saturated in the sludge, and it was unlikely that they would be able to tell the difference between me and another rock or rotted stump.

'I bet Vorador rarely makes the distinction! Ha!'

They passed slowly, struggling as they dragged along in their heavy armored boots.

"I don't think it was wise to leave the town unguarded."

"How so? Most everyone has moved away, and the fiend had fallen long ago."

The conversation fell out of focus, as I realized that I was slowly sinking. It was gradual, so gradual that I didn't notice it until now, but they needed to get a move on. I didn't come this far only to drown.

"What do you say we take a rest, Captain? Over there, on those rocks."

My eyes widened. I lifted my head just far enough to see that asshole pointing in my direction.

There was no way that I could adjust now.

They trudged their way over and did much the same thing that I did, their armor making it even more difficult to get a decent foothold. The Captain himself stood, refusing to sit, but the rest of them sprawled out on the rocks like basking lizards.

I heard a familiar clattering noise, and nearly jumped when I felt something sharp poke my shoulder.

"Ah, almost lost it..."

My mind screamed for me to move, to run, to do SOMETHING, but I forced myself still. I had to wait. There was no way in hell that I'm going to get captured by the Sarafan. God help me if they figured out that I'd already killed one of their patrolmen not two nights ago.

I discreetly straightened my back. It was up to my neck now.

The Captain himself seemed impatient and paced over to my side. Immediately I was yanked back down as his foot came down on the sword still tied to my hand underneath the mud. I craned my neck to keep my face above the enroaching stagnant filth, desperately trying not to make any noise while I struggled for air. I held back a gag as it crept up my chin and over my lower lip.

"Alright you lazy sods, we have to get back before sundown. Get a move on."

The Sarafan finally moved away, and my arm no longer felt like it was about to be twisted off.

The soilder above me sighed and slid off the rock.

His pike was extended out to his side as he did this, and it unfortunately bumped my shoulder.

"NGHCK" I choked, immediately hunching forward and away from the blade. Unfortunately, I had just submerged the rest of my face into the swamp water, and now there were eight alert sarafan who would no doubt hear me if I came back up for air.

I wrestled with myself to keep still and slow down my heart while they looked about, unable to find me.

"We should get moving. It was probably just some swamp creature."

They thankfully slid away and out of sight through the curtain of moisture, and I scrambled up out of the muck, gasping for breath. My shoulder was burning horribly, and I could feel the hot blood seeping into my already wet clothes, mingling with the horrid swamp water.

I needed to get somewhere dry, and soon. Lord knows what sort of terrible diseases were lingering in the water here, and the massive gash in my shoulder was already saturated with it.

The only good thing about this encounter, was that I knew that Ushtenheim was close, and that there wasn't anybody there.

The trek up the mountain paths were just as terrible. It was no longer raining, but it had gotten slightly chillier, and the stones were still slick. I'd left a trail behind me for quite a while before the mud finally dried, but I was too exhausted to care. It was literally an uphill battle. I was thankful that there was an actual path up there, and that I didn't need to have spiderman powers to scale walls.

Amusingly enough, when I looked closely at them, there were little rounded indents in sets of twos and threes. It was a five hundred year old approximation of 'Raziel was here'.

I stirred beneath the sheets in the old bed, and pulled the covers up higher. I wasn't sure why I was still awake. It was still in the dead of night.

I was just about done with my sweep of the library. Predictably, the older pens I'd found quickly wore out. I made a new pen out of Janos' feather, hoping that perhaps vampire feathers would last way longer than normal feather pens. I figured I'd stay for an extra night or so before I made my way back down the mountain. I knew that I'd have to get used to a lot of traveling on foot, but it didn't mean that I enjoyed it.

The feeling of being watched wormed it's way up my spine, and I couldn't go back to sleep despite how tired I was.

"Might as well continue studying..." I mumbled, crawling out of bed. I really can't make this a habit...

The aerie was freezing at night. I struggled to control the shaking in my writing hand, despite the roaring fire I'd set up in the fireplace. I cursed as I nearly knocked over my ink. This wasn't working.

"What are you doing here?"

I jumped and flailed a little, fumbling with my pen as I broke into a harder fit of shivers. I looked up to see the disapproving face of Vorador.

He was a truly intimidating figure, especially with the intense light of the fire highlighting his face from underneath, setting his sharp eyes aglow. His eyes narrowed when I focused a second too long on the stripe of scar tissue encircling his neck.

My tired, frozen mind couldn't catch up fast enough. I found myself hanging from his fist by my collar. His eyes pierced mine. I could barely comprehend what was happening at the moment. I don't think I ever really came to terms with the reality of my situation.

"Are you mute, human? Speak."

I made a few choked sounds in an attempt to talk through my chattering teeth before getting any coherent sentences out.

"N-no. J-just st-tudyi-ngck."

He snorted skeptically, eyeing the feather loosely clutched in my trembling hand. "Do you realize who this place belongs to?"

I fought through a particularly violent set of shivers. How the hell could anybody live here with nights like these? And this was just spring!

"y-y-Janos Aud-dron. I-I'm S-sorry if you'd exp-pected s-superstition to k-keep this place vac-cant. I was only visiting."

"Tresspassing."

"If-f it's any c-consol-lation, I'm sure he w-wouldn't want his knowlege t-to g-go to waste."

My hand went numb, and the feather fell, an errant breeze scooting it dangerously close to the fireplace. I jerked in it's direction, mentally pleading with it not to go any closer to the flames. As if in response, it inched even closer.

His fist wrenched even tighter, and I was forced to face him again. "And why would you think that?"

---------

Dismayed, I watched as the cool breeze scooted the feather into the fire, where it curled up into itself like a dying creature.

"No, wai-!"

My words were swallowed by the overpowering racket of the teleportation spell.

---------

The most unpleasant sound imaginable raked across my very being, like metal nails on a chalkboard, or repeatedly biting into something frozen that's still in it's package, the sensation painfully buzzing in my bones and setting my nerves on fire. My body wracked with spasms as I was thrown, skidding onto the floor and into a wall. My vision was made entirely of negatively colored swirls and spots, and my ears rang loudly. My head throbbed.

Apparently it wasn't quite Adonathiel's magic that was faulty. It's just that magic didn't do very well with me. Maybe it was because where I came from had no obvious magic like here.

When I regained awareness of my body, I realized I was being dragged haphazardly by the back of my clothes, like a misbehaving toddler in overalls. I winced, immediately curling my arms back into myself, trembling as the back of my hands stung from being ground against the stone floors. I had no clue where I was, it was far too dark to see.

I groaned.

"Ah, you're awake. Good. She's taken a liking to ones who can still scream."

Vorador.

"I have to stop getting myself captured."

I could practically hear his smirk.

"You're a strange one. I've no idea what sort of sorcery you've been using girl, but at the very least this will put a stop to it."

"I don't know any magic!"

I could feel the back of my shirt tighten. The collar of my shirt was starting to chafe my neck.

"Don't play stupid. It's disgusting."

"Look, it's not what I do, it's where I came from. Magic always goes really wrong around me."

"Hmn."

"What's going to happen to me?"

Silence.

I pursed my lips.

The darkness was almost impenetrable. We came to a stop, and the loud protests of a heavy metal door scraped against my senses, only heightening the creeping panic that was trying to claw it's way up my spine.

A frenzied panting echoed off the walls, and I lifted my head, barely making out two, red, dimly glowing points.

I was thrown again, into the center of the room, gasping as I felt the stitches in my back tug.

I lay there on the floor, listening.

The panting was getting closer. And closer. It suddenly stopped.

My own breathing quickened and my skin pricked with the thought of imagined horrors creeping ever closer to me.

A gust of breath swept past my ear in a deep hiss and I nearly jumped out of my skin, immediately scrambling backwards into something clammy and cold.

A pair of violet eyes, wreathed in red approached. I squeezed my eyes shut against it.

-----

I winced as a clawed hand worked it's way into my scalp. I was shaking constantly now, having been on edge and awake for... for what felt like a whole day. I think. It was a wonder I haven't dropped dead from fright. Everything made me jump out of my skin.

It hadn't killed me yet. I was like a mouse in the paws of a playful cat, battered, shaken, but not dead.

My eyes had slowly adjusted to the near pitch back, and I was capable of 'feeling' the shadows and outlines of certain things. Otherwise, I might as well have been blind. I could see it's eyes clearly though, and it served as the only source of illumination in the entire room.

I did my best not to move. Every twitch, every hitch of breath would peak it's interest. I made the mistake of suddenly scooting my foot out from under me once, and it tackled me, eager, waiting for me to move again. It wasn't as if I COULD move very much after that. My arm was obviously broken. Moving would only make things hurt even worse.

Lately it had taken to playing with my hair and scratching at my head. I clenched my jaw as an errant claw pierced my scalp again.

I began trembling as a set of footsteps echoed beyond the heavy door.

It tensed behind me, and it's claws buried themselves in my skin. A gasp of pain escaped my nose as my arm shifted.

Light and slightly fresher air flooded the musty chamber, and I had to squint to keep it from hurting my eyes.

Vorador stepped in, dragging behind him a barely conscious man.

He seemed incredibly surprised to find me alive.

"It seems Umah has taken a liking to you."

Umah? I almost turned, but as soon as the thought crossed my mind she had brought me closer to her body possessively, like a toddler holding on to a toy. I cried out from behind my teeth. A low hiss blew past my ear.

Vorador chuckled. "You are lucky to have survived this long, human. You may just come away from this with your life."

He tossed the man in and the door shut behind him, plunging me back into darkness.

Umah released me, I assumed she meant to eat the man. His painful howling confirmed my thoughts. But he wasn't dead. His cries had died down to a low moan. There was a shuffling, and then I jumped as something heavy was deposited in my lap.

I wanted to cry. The weight of a human head in your hands never quite leaves you.

Warmth slowly seeped onto my legs and I realized he was still bleeding.

I heard her growl in agitation. I was confused, too shocked and upset to think.

More shuffling, and the weight was lifted, only to be pressed into my arms. I couldn't help the hitch and sob in the back of my throat. My arm throbbed. I knew what she wanted now. Like a cat presenting a dead lizard, she wanted me to kill. To feed.

A dry sickness welled up in my gut. I licked my cracking lips, to no avail. The sides of my mouth ached from trying to produce saliva. The horror froze me, and an even more disgusting thought bubbled up beneath my despair.

I hadn't had anything to drink in almost two days.

My stomach flopped.

'How many potential mistakes can you make in a day? We knew our chances the minute we got here.'

My body trembled, and the vague dizziness that had come and gone came into focus.

I was breathing hard now, the pressure of my choice, however appalling, weighing down on me. Either drink, or get torn apart for refusing.

She hissed again, and the choice was taken from me, the man's neck forced into my face. I was overwhelmed with the metallic tang of blood. My good hand came up to the other side of his neck, feeling torn flesh. Umah didn't let him drop as I held my breath and began swallowing, trying not to taste it.

I began sobbing. The man accidentally jostled my arm as he spasmed, close to death, and my jaws clamped down, my teeth scouring new channels for the blood to flow from.

Umah finally let go, and I coughed, feeling myself dry heave. I pushed the corpse off my lap. She seemed satisfied with my compliance, and returned to 'stroking' my head, ignoring my crying. She was kneeling in front of me, that unthinking, curious look on her face, tinged with the closest approximation to a warm smile. Something changed then. Her hand retreated from my face, and the expression in her eyes shifted to confusion.

My head felt weird, and I could barely see the shadows of her eyes. It was hard to breathe. I was dimly aware of the fact that my vision was fading before unconsciousness greeted me once again.

-------

My head hurt.

'My head hurts'

"My head hurts." I mumbled. My body felt heavy, and thrummed with a vague ache that threatened to cause me pain if I decided to do anything other than existing.

Luminescent eyes found their way into my field of vision.

A low moan of despair rattled in my throat. I tasted copper, and the dried ichor on my face cracked as I immediately withered. I was still here.

"Why won't you kill me?" I whispered.

The dim outline of her features contorted as if pained. "I am sorry."

This was different.

"Umah?"

"I am so sorry."

I tried to move, to sit up, so I could speak to her face, but I was grounded by my painful headache and throbbing limbs. My hand went to grab at my broken arm, and instead of finding the bruised and swollen flesh, I instead found what felt like wood. A splint...?

"Please don't move."

I tensed as I felt her hand lift my broken arm, expecting it to be moved about as carelessly as before. I heard a tearing noise, and she gently placed my arm against me, wrapping it in place.

I saw her eyes turn away from me. A long silence followed afterward.

I took a moment to think the best I could through my pounding head. I was too exhausted to be scared anymore. It was obvious that Umah had been turned, but I never knew her to be the crazed creature from moments...hours? How long was I out? And what changed? Why does she seem so aware now? Why was she in this basement? Maybe it's what vampires were like for a while after turning? Whatever happened, she seems to regret it.

"I don't blame you." I hoarsely whispered.

"No, you should. After I-"

"You weren't yourself. It's... no, it's not fine. But I can't hold you accountable for something you weren't aware of."

"I...-" Her words died on her lips. Another silence fell over us for a while.

"How on earth can you forgive something like that?"

I sighed heavily. "I'm sure if you were... yourself, it wouldn't have happened."

"I remembered you. I don't know why, but I did. I tried to... but it was sick! I-!"

"Stop." I had to take a moment to breathe. "Don't think about it. It's over with."

The painful screeching of the door interrupted another long silence.

Vorador was there again, but he wasn't bearing another human to it's death.

"Good. You've finally come to your senses."

"Master?" Umah squinted against the light.

"Sire." He corrected, "You have the Dark Gift coursing through your body now."

I shifted on the floor and looked towards Vorador. He chuffed.

"Now that the initial phase of your transformation is complete, you may leave the basement. Finish off that poor girl, Umah, we have things we need to discuss."

Umah looked towards me. My mouth, blackened by old blood, was set in a hard line. I had no idea what to expect now.

"Sire, I owe it to this girl to let her live."

"Why? Are you indebted to her?"

Umah looked to the floor for a moment, as though caught in a lie. But when she met his eyes they were more certain than they had ever been, closer to the vampire she was destined to be.

"It's a debt that the both of us owe to her, sire. Without her help, I wouldn't have been able to bring you back."

Vorador's eyes widened in surprise. "I did not see her when I woke."

"She helped to find your head, sire. She had to leave before the Sarafan would follow her here."

He nodded his assent, finding no trace of a lie in his childe's eyes.

'I completely forgot about that...'

"Very well. A life for a life. However, I've never known of any humans who could survive in a room with a newly turned fledgling. Let alone for three days, and without food or water."

'THREE DAYS?!'

"Three-...?!"

At that I felt time catch up to me. The blood and air in my gut churned. My breath left me and I suddenly felt very winded, the sensation of lost time pressing down on me. I felt like I'd been hollowed out.

"How on earth did you do it?"

I grimaced. "Blood is at least 60% water. Rich in protien." I said quietly.

Umah's momentarily panicked face snapped towards me, and I answered it with a small shake of my head. I'd never tell on her.

Vorador's slightly appreciative gaze soured in disgust.

I sighed internally. I had a broken arm, I hadn't had anything of substance in weeks, I'd been slogging around in the freezing mountains and the damp swamp, and I'm pretty sure that the cuts on my back hadn't healed properly. I also had a stranger's blood rolling around in my gut. I fully expected that I would catch the plague and die at any minute.

#legacy of kain #writecrap #lol *dumps word garbage into the tag and leaves*

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