#might finish the first one sometime that���s sorta old

[onedreamaday]

Once again, this is all @im-pure's fault, based on this post. They enable my angsty side so much.

They are the worst enabler /jk

I had this song on repeat while writing.

Can be seen as a follow-up to this, which takes place a few months later.

This was supposed to be an introspective kind of fic, but Liz sorta bullied her way into being here. Then it turned into Bax and Liz being catty in-laws. (but not really, they just mostly snark at each other- it's out of love)

TW 's apply here: character death and mentions of depression/depressive episodes. Remarks of implied alcoholism (Liz accuses, Baxter denies, but nothing is confirmed.)

Sidenote: Liiy didn't bother changing her last name when she and Bax married. One, she kinda doesn't see the point in changing her last name. Two, she found out how much of a hassle it was to do if she did change it and wanted nothing to do with that paperwork.

Elizabeth Last, Baxter is starting to truly realize, is an unstoppable force of nature when she wants to be. Case in point, she has apparently made it her life's mission to show up unannounced whenever she's in town.

Since she doing some type of job near Prima Vista, that means he's been seeing her a distressing amount.

Liz does, at least, knock first before she opens the door, using a key Lily gave her years ago. The light spills into the room and it's do bright, Baxter involuntarily lets out a curse. It's way too early for her presence. He checks the time on his phone, which reads 10:54 am.

There's the smell of food and even better, coffee. A peace offering, then. He'll take it. And mentally prepares of whatever uncomfortable topic she feels she needs to talk to him about.

He groans inwardly. Lily, he imagines, would find all of his hilarious. She was always far more patient with her sister's antics than he could ever be.

“Really? All you've been doing is drinking?”

Ah, an old topic it is then.

Baxter rubs eyes and sighs. “I didn't drink that much,” he says.

Liz hums. “That bottle of whiskey is suspiciously empty.” The tone is light, but the accusation heavy. It sets Baxter on edge.

“It was over the course of a few days,” he replies bitingly. “After work, and never excessively.”

“Oh great, you're back working. I was worried you'd be living on the couch, growing mold.” Liz places the food on the table. A veggie omelet with toast. Simple but decent.

“Unfortunately, my rent and bills don't care if my wife is gone and my depression refuses to go away.” He surprises himself with how flippant he can say that, and going by the look on his sister-in-law's face, perhaps she has the same thought.

There’s silence as he eats, and he notices Liz's eyes keep drifting to a stack of papers.

Or rather, the letters he's written to Lily since her passing. They help, sometimes. On the days where the grief is all-encompassing. Where he watches old videos on her phone just to hear her voice. There’s a voicemail on his phone from her on his phone he refuses to delete.

“You can read them,” He tells her. “It's not as if there anything particularly embarrassing written there.”

He flashes a grin; it feels weak on his face. “There's nothing to blackmail me with, I'm afraid.”

Liz hands lingers, as if she's unsure before she takes the topmost letter. “Other than that monstrosity dyed hair you had when you first moved to Sunset Bird.”

“Lily found it charming.”

“She had terrible taste. How she liked it, I'll never know.”

“I might add, she wished I never stopped dyeing it that way.” He finishes eating and takes the plate to the sink. There’s not much to wash, but Baxter cleans the dishes anymore, moreso to give him something to do.

There’s silence between them, but it’s not tense or heavy, despite their banter earlier. Eventually: “You have the most flowery writing I’ve ever read.” Liz pauses, her eyes softens as she reads. “She fell in love with such a dork.” She returns the letter back to the stack, but doesn’t reach for another. “She would talk about you a lot, after that summer.”

That surprises Baxter; the way she acted after they met in the restaurant three years ago, he suspected she wanted nothing to do with him. “I honestly thought she hated me for a while there.”

Liz smiles. “Lillian Last actually hate anyone? I highly doubt that. If she was willing to give Shiloh and that Jeremy guy a second chance, she definitely was gonna give you one. She was just being dramatic. She’s good at that.” A pause. “Was good at that. Sorry.”

Baxter nods his head. He understands completely. There are days when he thinks of Lily in the present tense; sometimes he expects her to come walking through the door, talking excitedly about her job. He misses those moments when they cooked together (or attempted to, in Lily’s case. She was a bit of a disaster in the kitchen.)

He misses the floral perfume she would wear, the way she would laugh when he swept her up into an unprompted dance, her snuggling up next to him even if it was absolutely sweltering from the summer night.

Liz leaves with a well-meaning snark, telling him she will beat his door down if anyone hasn't heard from him in a few days. Entirely unnecessary, but he understands all the same, and it's well deserved. His attempt to go no contact had everyone thinking the worst and the last thing he wants to do is put his friends and family through all the stress again.

Baxter looks at his stack of letters; his fingers itching to write another is too hard to ignore.

Giving into temptation, he sits and writes, pouring out feelings he can't get himself to say out loud. He finishes it with

"In the afterlife, or wherever you are, do you miss me as much as I miss you?'

#oddy writes fic #olba fic #olba baxter #olba liz #our life beginnings & always

[alittlebitofwonk]

Another writing guide, this one more for others than for me, but it’s important: AO3 tagging, particularly two subjects: ratings and Dead Dove.

For a more comprehensive guide on ao3 tags check the linked reddit thread. It has some good basics and the comments have good advice too, but I wanna talk about some specifics.

First, ao3 has 5 ratings, and they are as such:

Not Rated: Basically, you have no idea where this falls on the rankings, either because it isn’t finished, or it sits in a weird in-between.

General: Anyone old enough to use the internet should be safe reading this. A 12 year old should be able to pick this work up and not be traumatized. Doesn’t mean that the work can’t be nuanced, just means the content is safe for everyone.

Teen and Up: Think YA. Heavier topics, swearing, minor violence, that sorta thing.

Mature: Adult level works. It’s not sexually explicit, but it might tie the line, or it has a lot of violence or heavy, hard to handle topics and themes. Some light sexual content, but explicit sexual content should be under explicit.

Explicit: ANY SEXUALLY EXPLICIT CONTENT SHOULD BE TAGGED AS EXPLICIT. If someone is avoiding sexually explicit content, this is the first thing they filter out, and vice versa. Also can be used if a fic is heavy on really controversial or dark topics.

Obviously some of this is up to interpretation, especially the first four, but this is more of a guideline. That being said, Explicit content should be rated as explicit OR not rated, as ao3 gives a warning for both those ratings.

Now, second topic: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat. For the uninitiated, this tag basically means that you’re getting exactly what you were told you were getting. The tags are literal.

Typically, Dead Dove is used for very graphic content. Sometimes it’s used for other things too, but not often. But the number one thing is this: if you are going to use the Dead Dove tag, the rest of the tags NEED TO BE CLEAR AND PRESENT. Dead Dove is USELESS if your tags are vague, or simply aren’t there. It’s not meant to be used as a catch-all for gross and graphic content.

If I see a fic tagged “Dead Dove: Do Not Eat” and then “Intestines used as dental floss” I’m going to know that intestines are being used as dental floss in the most literal sense, not as a weird euphemism.

A lot of the time I’ll see a dead dove tag and then just… nothing else of interest. Maybe hurt/comfort thrown in, but the dead dove tag is there to make sure your reader is well aware that what they see is what they get. It’s pointless if you don’t tell them what they’re getting!

Anyway. Please ask me questions if you have them! Ao3’s tagging system can be a learning process, but it is so important to ensure that everyone is comfortable, and that people can find what they’re looking for.

#writing #ao3 #ao3 tips #writing tips

[risingroleakira]

Introduction Post :V

Hey Critters! My name is Rose (they/them pronouns), and this is my Critical Role sideblog.

About me: I'm an lgbtq+ artist with too much free time, but not the functioning brain cells to use it properly. I like to draw/paint, worldbuild, tend to my OCs, daydream to music, all that good stuff. Occasionally I also write, conlang (badly), play videogames, text rp w/friends, and/or whatever other stuff my messy brain decides I'm supposed to be doing today (...while giving only half the motivation necessary for me to actually do or complete any of that 'stuff'). Most of the time I'm nocturnal, especially when it comes to catching CR3 episodes as they air, but my sleep schedule still flips around quite a lot so that might differ from day to day.

This is my sideblog, risingroleakira, mainly for Critical Role content and discussions of adjacent series. For my artwork, visit my art blog, risingroseart ...and maybe drop some reblogs while you're there! (This blog also includes my critical role art.) For minecraft and (non-dsmp) MCYT content, visit miningroseakira. I hope I dont scare you off with my wild-ass headcanons lol For my main blog, where I mostly just reblog random stuff and talk sometimes, visit risingroseakira. it's a hot mess, ngl

Critical Role related info:

When did I start watching?

I caught the first half of C3E1 as it aired, then had to stop watching and stopped for a while. A couple months later I binged that and all the other episodes that had aired since then.

What campaigns/Series have I watched?

Finished or up-to-date: > I watch Critical Role C3 as it airs > I watch 4-Sided Dive as it airs > I watched EXU:Calamity as it aired > I watched EXU:Kymal as it aired Work in Progress: >I started watching Campaign 1's original Briarwood Arc, as I cannot watch TLOVM due to the visual violence that I can't stomach. However I have yet to finish it oops- > I have attempted Campaign 2 several times and it didn't work out as I couldn't get past Episode 3 - until now. As of writing, I'm at C2E53. I'm slowing down again but I'm doing my best to continue on.

Current favorite player characters?

> Ashton > Orym > Caleb > Fjord, I think. > Dorian (sorta, it's just been a while since we've seen him, is all.) > ...Well, I would count a majority of the Hells. Between the lot of them it shifts around frequently. those three above are the most consistently at the top ones but it's generally almost the whole group. almost. >Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski De Rolo III, even though I still havent finished the briarwood arc. that was from memory I hope I got it right

Current favorite NPCs?

I have got to give top spot to Lord Eshteross in C3. Imahara Joe and Captain Xandis are also high up, I like Milo, and in terms of C2 I like Bryce and, well, who doesn't enjoy Pumat (plural)

Favorite characters to draw or paint?

Ashton, hands down. I mean, FCG is also really fun, and I havent rlly gotten to draw a lot of characters from CR other than Ashton and FCG, but like. come on. How can you not love drawing the nonbinary punk rock. How can you not enjoy painting their colorful gem and crystal hair and golden cracks and funky eyes and- Anyway that's my introduction post! I’d love to meet some fellow critters - especially newbies that love the bells hells as well, seeing as I’m a bit anxious in new fandoms and therefore more comfy with people who are also new to everything. Still - feel free to say hi whether new or old fan of cr! :]

#cr #pinned post

[lilypixels]

...............all of them.....?

It took me an hr to do this....🥲💀

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Teacupsss

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Uhhh cotton candy

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Probably quiet and smart lol I did my school work and was friendly with everyone so I was a favorite and heard all the nice things 🙈

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

I kinda like bottles more but like the glass ones with the caps that could slice your fingers-

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

I’m for all but sports lol

7. earbuds or headphones?

Earbuds

8. movies or tv shows?

Shows cause I’m the type to watch an hr long episode vs hr long movie idk why but I’m rarely in mood for them

12. name of your favorite playlist?

Drop the beat (ie songs that are upbeat and I like most)

13. lanyard or key ring?

Hmm...I guess lanyard?

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Skittles or twizzlers

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

I had lots I had to read in school but only ever finished a handful lol my favorite I think was maybe Macbeth? I would say Odyssey but I don’t think we read the full thing cause I remember being disappointed about something like that...

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Sitting with my legs bent up in seat with me in some way

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

Converse and some nice but cheap sneakers from Walmart

18. ideal weather?

Not too hot, not too cold, mild like before/after a rain (most the time), idc if it’s raining or sunny but as long as temp is comfortable I’m fine

19. sleeping position?

On my side most often

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Phone and notebook

21. obsession from childhood?

Oh gosh uhhh I guess my like of dolls maybe? Or obsession with anything ✨unexplained✨ like ghosts, aliens, cryptids, etc

22. role model?

Kim Namjoon lol just kidding (sorta)

23. strange habits?

Ok I know I have some and my friends would be more than happy to point them all out but hm let me think...idk if these count as habits but I’ll never place a mirror facing a bed (this is more superstitious I guess than habit,,,) I can’t stand my food touching, if I have a tray like in cafeteria I have a certain spot for everything and uh my mind just went blank-

24. favorite crystal?

Moonstone, lapis lazuli, and I feel obligated to say garnet cause it’s my birthstone

25. first song you remember hearing?

Circle of Life maybe who knows xD

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Walk or clean,,I’m more active and about with warm/nice weather

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

...stay inside where it’s warm

28. five songs to describe you?

Not this again😭 uhhh idk you tell me ajdbd

29. best way to bond with you?

Indulge me when I go off about things I like or learn 😔✊ I know I’ll talk your ear off and I’m sorry but know I don’t often talk about these things with people so once I start it’s hard to stop,,and it makes me really happy when people do listen to me about these things and send me related items every so often or even look into it themselves to learn more 🥺

30. places that you find sacred?

For some reason this feels like a trick question...um cemeteries and anything with ages of history I guess

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

Oof do I really have a true outfit?? I have shoes for this which are just black platform sneakers I call stomping shoes

32. top five favorite vines?

I never,,,watched these,,,

33. most used phrase in your phone?

“Yes”...?

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

State Farm and McDonald’s, always

35. average time you fall asleep?

10-11...usually...

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Uhhh that one with the ginger dude (I think it was someone’s yearbook photo??) I don’t remember much else about the meme but it was on ifunny, or whatever the app was, a lot

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Suitcase

38. lemonade or tea?

Easy, tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

...neither

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Dude these questions really testing my brain power here- for senior prank someone put cereal in some bathroom sinks I think

41. last person you texted?

My mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I’m gonna say jacket since I wear those often

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

Hoodie or cardigan

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Usually whatever shirt I’m wearing that day and some pj/lounge pants 🤷

47. favorite type of cheese?

Mozzarella

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I-what kind of question is this? How does one even answer this?

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

What comes around goes around lol (yes I’m a heavy believer of karma)

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Lol who knows, probably something dumb me and my siblings were doing or something we watched cause there’s been plenty times of that xD

51. current stresses?

Homework vs free time e-e

52. favorite font?

I like the gothic looking ones but it’s usually not practical to use so idk

53. what is the current state of your hands?

My hands...? They’re fine ??

54. what did you learn from your first job?

How to care for babies and little kids, how to put on a diaper lol

56. favorite tradition?

I can’t remember a particular one off hand but I’m trying to start few new ones like decorating cookies for Halloween uwu

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Uhhhhh like personally or...? Cause we’ve overcome homelessness before, um finishing assignments idk😭 oh maybe bullying?? That’s all I can think of since I still struggle with a lot,,

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Alright let’s do thisss: creativity (mostly in writing sense), I can bake/cook, I have amazing organization skills and many work places have used that lol (bonus is I don’t mind, I actually really enjoy it, very peaceful), surprisingly good balance all things considered, I’m a quick learner

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“I’m too tired for this.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Good question good question🤔 I don’t think I’d last in any of them/have a terrible side character role so 💀

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“Life’s too short to hold grudges.”

62. seven characters you relate to?

Dude this is gonna get embarrassing I can feel it🤠

Itaru, Iori, Sogo, Belle, Simeon (obey me), Nozaki (he’s clueless about romance irl and doesn’t know when someone has a crush on him yet can write romance well enough and yeah it’s me lol), and uhh Swindler/Ordinary Person in Akudama Drive (still can’t believe no one really has names in that anime but the way she gets wrapped in everything felt like something that’d happen to me lol)

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Like nightclub...? I’m skipping this ajdbd

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Probably the Barbie site, me and my sister played all the dress up games almost daily istg

65. any permanent scars?

Appendectomy scars and then looks like I have one on a toe but it’s possible it still might heal...

66. favorite flower(s)?

Nightshade, foxglove, baby’s breath, bellflowers, roses

67. good luck charms?

I don’t think I have any...

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Lemon

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Let me think...I read something once about flowers having ears(?) but like not ear ears just something about having a part that picks up sound waves

70. left or right handed?

Right

71. least favorite pattern?

Lolll animal print I think

72. worst subject?

Physics...the worst science

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

6...?

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I don’t remember, it probably happened when i was 6. I do remember losing one of my front teeth during my birthday one year and I was happy since the tooth had been loose for some time xD

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Chips I guess or just like fried in skillet

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

A succulent probably

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Neither ew

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

They are both about equally terrible

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Fireflies

82. pc or console?

I am on pc side now

83. writing or drawing?

Writing

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Podcasts I guess

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie

85. fairy tales or mythology?

Mythology, it’s too fun and chaotic lol

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Hm...cupcakes

87. your greatest fear?

Uh,,,I don’t have many fears but I guess one would be falling from a great height? So I would get scared of crossing a bridge and it collapsing or riding a plane and it falling easily

88. your greatest wish?

World peace🥲

89. who would you put before everyone else?

My mom maybe...?

90. luckiest mistake?

I honestly don’t remember but something I do remember is I out semicolon instead of period and turned out to be correct grammar lol

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight or fairy lights, I don’t require much either way and prefer more natural lighting

93. nicknames?

Lassie, twinkle toes, Ash, poody butt (by 3 yr old I sometimes watch and play with lol he means it affectionately; I call him monkey butt and it’s catching on slowly instead)

94. favorite season?

Starting to be fall just a little more but I like transition times most

95. favorite app on your phone?

Let’s go with twitter

96. desktop background?

It is a moriarty and gang pic

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

2: mine and my moms

98. favorite historical era?

Ooo tough one but I’ll say renaissance as some of the coolest things came from that time

#if there’s something messed up in this string of text #ignore it cause I’m not proofreading again ajdbd #I did not realize there were so many questions pls #asks #jade why 😔💜

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

We need something with that new tattoo thing you just reblogged, like now

Oh you mean the one I just recently reblogged? done by @gspaepro? lets fucking GO. Also this shit is now canon in design, since I have the permission from them

Yiga rituals were very intricate. Motions and actions done in silence, motions done underneath candlelight and in the shadows. It was why traditional romance just. Didn’t suit their style, their way of life. Stuff like coffee dates, stuff like retiring in a farm, even wedding rings were not very common. It was one of the MANY reasons why it boggled Kohga’s mind, why he thought buying him an expensive ass wedding ring was the way to his heart. Don’t get Kohga wrong, it was a sweet gesture, but it was so...solid, so finite. It made Kohga feel like he’d be boxed in, like a cow behind a fence. He didn’t like it. 

“But you still shouldn’t have done that.”

He told himself. It had been years since Sooga attempted a proposal, and just yesterday, he tried again. Kohga was mad at first, but now that he sat here, in his bed, thinking about it, he realized that it wasn’t fair to Sooga. poor guy really poured his heart out to him, only to have it be rejected. It was why he avoided him all day, and had Von watch him in the meantime (usually he reserved that for Cil, but he REALLY didn’t feel like getting hit on right now). He needed to make it up to him. He needed something that wasn’t so ridged as those stones. Then it clicked. He went to the door, and turned to Von, who was laying the flirts on THICK to some foot soldier.

“Von, grab ass later. I need you to summon Sooga for me.”

“Yes, Master Kohga. You, me, your quarters. Tonight.”

He shot the flustered foot soldier a wink, and went off to go get Sooga. Wherever the hell he was. Kohga set everything up, just in time for him to knock at his door.

“Come in.”

Sooga opened the door slowly, helping himself in, and just. Standing there. Poor guy looked so stiff, as if he didn’t practically live in this room.

“Master Kohga, I just wanted to say-”

“Shh. Sit down for me, right here.”

Sooga sat down on the stool right by the bed. There was a silence as Kohga sat down on the bed.

“Sooga, I’m not mad. Okay? I get it. You really, really thought I was ready, after who knows how many years-”

“Three.”

“W-really three years ago? Fucking hell time flies. Anyhow, I’m sorry. I snapped because I was uncomfortable. But you didn’t deserve the way I yelled at you. So, I want to make it up to you.”

Sooga hesitated. He put his arm on the small table, as Kohga motioned for him to do.

“Master Kohga...are you...?”

“Yes. I’m going to give you something better than some stupid ring. Not that it’s stupid, It’s beautiful really. I just. Sooga, it’s not me. I want something that’ll let us BREATHE you know? So. I’m going to SHOW you what you are to me. Not with some rocks. Not with some gold and silver and something you can buy. It’s something I need to show you. Take off your sleeve for me.”

Sooga obeyed. Tattoos were a very intimate, very special part of the Yiga culture. You had to have one JUST to be a Yiga. Anything else done after that were usually done in bouts of passion, to show brotherly connections, to show a friendship unlike any others, or in this case, love. And to get such a sign of affection from his Master? His body was already his to play with.

“You are an artist, Master Kohga. I already boast that I have the most respectable brand out of everyone here.”

“Sounds like you. Idiot.”

He chuckled. Kohga wiped down the arm, just so nothing would get infected. Using a very special type of Yiga ink (that only Kohga was allowed to give for the clan to use. He made it himself, afterall), Kohga seemed to already have an idea in mind, and started to work. Tattoos were painfully slow to do, especially with the design Kohga had in mind. But Sooga didn’t mind. A few hours of pinpricks were worth it, just to be near his Master.

“May I ask...what made you decide to give me such a gift?”

“It felt...feel. The ring kinda...sorta...doesn’t. Feels restrictive. Like a bedazzled leash.”

“That sounds like a gift you WOULD like, though.”

“Shut up, you.”

They both chuckled at that. Sooga sat still, watching as the needle pricked his arm over and over, watched as the needle pushed the ink into his skin. Sooga always LOVED watching him tattoo people, on the rare chances he did so. Such careful, so caring of a touch.

“You know. This reminds me of when I first fell in love with you.”

“How so?”

“When you gave me my first tattoo. The one right on my thigh. I was so...transfixed. Such a strong man, with such a gentle touch.”

“Pfft. I remember that. You were such a string bean back then!”

Kohga chuckled. Those arms weren’t always so huge and bulging, and the rest of his body wasn’t always so meaty.

“I was. I saw nothing wrong with it. That is, until I noticed the man I had affections for, was constantly surrounded by big, bulky men. Suffice to say I was...jealous.”

“Even of Cil?”

“ESPECIALLY of Cil. You two looked so close back then. He was constantly at your hip. I always thought you touched him like this.”

“I mean, I DID do his tattoos. One of them anyway.”

Kohga was careful as he worked, making his motions slow, as if he’d startle Sooga if he moved too fast.

“One? What of the other?”

“He copied the one I did, put it on his other hand.”

“No wonder they always looked so different to me. It lacked the warmth of your style.”

“God you gotta make shit romantic all the time, eh?”

Sooga was so awestruck by the pattern. Lines and curves started to decorate his arms, slowly finding rhyme and reason against his skin.

“I can’t help it. When I’m near you, love is all I think about. You’re...the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I get that a lot. Usually four times a week.”

He chuckled. After the lines, Kohga painted what looked to be almost like serpents. He was curious.

“What is the meaning of this design?”

“These lines and shit? They represent stability.”

“And the snakes?”

“Means ‘ties that bond’, essentially. It’s...stupid. But my dad had tattoos like these, kinda.”

“I’m honored to share in the resemblance.”

“I’m gonna add more to it though, If I'm gonna be railing that ass, I don’t wanna think about my old man. Old MEN sure, but not mine.”

Sooga chuckled, shaking his head. His Master had SUCH a way with words. he watched as the lines and curved and snakes soon gave way to the classic Yiga symbol. Done as carefully as the first one had been done. He watched as Kohga carefully, and slowly, added what looked like sickles to the symbol.

“Sickles?”

“It’s more or less Yiga branding. To show where your ties are. Case you somehow forget where you belong.”

“Wouldn’t ever. Even if I had amnesia. I would know in my heart where I belong.”

“Sounds like something stupid you’d say. That’s all your stupid, mushy gushy bullshit.”

Kohga added dots, little criss cross designs, and of course-

“Bananas?”

“....because you’re sweet.”

“And you call ME mushy!”

Sooga threw his head back in laughter, which was cut short as Kohga smacked his arm, making Sooga wince.

“Ow! It’s TENDER, dammit!”

“Then quit makin’ me wanna do it! You moron! And it’s...more than just some stupid lovey shit. See how its one, two, and then one?”

“Yes?”

“That’s...us. Us together. We’re more together. Plentiful. That and I might be kinda hungry.”

“Do you need a break?”

“I’m already being romantic, if I stop now I’m not gonna finish, and this tattoo is gonna look ugly as shit.”

“Unlike you.”

Kohga shook his head, scoffing. Absolute idiot. More criss crosses, more dots. Then something Sooga knew immediately.

“Yeah, it’s your weapon, big guy. You remember when you got it?”

“Yes. You gave it to me, upon announcing my new duty of protecting you. It was such an honor. Such blades being crafted, and for ME.”

“You know, I designed it myself.”

Sooga looked at the blades at his hip, then at the red ink. Bright, like the spilled blood of their enemies.

“You did?”

“Yep. You’re...different, Sooga. You needed something that was more than them. I-woah, you okay?”

“Yes, s-sorry. You just. Touched me and...sometimes it makes me jump.”

Kohga chuckled, lightly strumming his thumb over the spot he just touched.

“Right here?”

“....yes. You’re just. You have very soft hands. Always so delicate. It’s why I...I wanted to put a ring on your finger.”

“This again.”

“I’m s-sorry! I just. I just really. Really love you. With all that I am. I wanted to show it to you. But...I think I see what you mean.”

“How so, big guy?”

Sooga paused as Kohga continued his work, cautious as ever. 

“You don’t want the traditional means of matrimony. You want to be free. You want to do as you please, and you feel as though a ring in a confine. I make you feel restricted. And for that I’m...sorry.”

Kohga put the needle down, lightly blowing at the ink. He looked down at his work, and even though his ass hurt from sitting down for so long, he was in fact, VERY proud of himself. Long sleeve of red, detailed, careful designs and patterns. Something that meant something to them.

“You know what those last two slashes are?”

“I...no.”

“It means instead of just one strike, you have two. Two weapons, instead of one. It means...you have me. Ring be dammed.”

“Does this mean i...understand you properly?”

Kohga looked up at him, before grabbing his face, and pressing his lips against his. It was an out of the blue kiss, one rough and full of affection Kohga had for him. It lasted only a second, and Sooga missed it right when Kohga pulled away.

“Yeah. You did. I need YOU. I need our lives. I need to exist with you. I don’t need this other crap. I need...what I show you, right here.”

Kohga’s soft fingers slid over his work, and it almost made Sooga shuddered. There was something so tender, so sweet and loving about the touch. Even the way his skin felt raw and sore, it made his heart thud in his chest. Sooga caught Kohga’s hand in his own before it could pull away.

“What if I sold the damn thing, and we went on a vacation? A long one.”

“I’m listening.”

“To some far off land? I’ll pack, I’ll even carry you over every mountain and hill.”

“Hmmmm...not QUITE convinced.”

“I’ll make every beauty of the world feel hideous in your presence.”

“Now THAT’S what I’m talking about. Let’s do it. After THIS has healed, of course.”

“This might heal. But my heart will never, not so long as your gaze stabs it so.”

“This...is gonna be a long vacation. I can’t wait.”

Kohga chuckled, holding onto his shoulders and kissing him again. Just one more time.

#asks #Kohga #Sooga #this was #maybe the gayest thing ive written #maybe

[willowbird]

Writing Tag Game

Tagged by @paradoxolotl AND @of-stars-and-moon (sorry I take forever to answer and respond to things, friends ^///^)

How many works do you have on AO3?

36

What’s your total AO3 word count?

holy shit... 418,231

What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. say something 2. It Must Be Witchcraft 3. heavy hands, heavy hearts 4. i won't say we aren't family 5. let them hear me shout (for you)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Usually! I try to respond to all comments because they make me feel so happy and glowy on the inside and I want my readers to know that I really appreciate them taking the time to read and also to spend their time giving me some validation lol. The only one I really don't respond to comments on is 'words in the wind' because it's just a collection of my responses to tumblr prompts, mostly so that I know I won't lose any of my writing.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Hm... most of my fics end happy even if they aren't outright fluffy. The happiest ending just in and of itself though is probably Nap Time is Best Time. It's one of my few Neil POV ones and he's all shmoopy about Andrew being cuddly so...

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Much smaller pool to pick from here lmao. Definitely heavy hands, heavy hearts. Between the argument between Neil and Andrew, then the, er, reluctant heart-to-heart between Aaron and Neil it definitely simmers in the angst all the way to the end.

Do you write crossovers?

Not yet! I'd love to though!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not exactly. I've received a few back-handed compliments that didn't feel so great, and a few comments that contained mild complaints about how soft I tend to write Andrew and Neil, but nothing outright hateful.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I'm terrible at smut. Outright terrible. So you'll see some mild references, and the occasional smutty scene, but nothing overtly explicit.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not :(

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so, yet! But I've had a few people ask to translate and I've given permission each time, so hopefully!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! Well, sorta! @justadreamfox and I wrote the Take My Hand series together. And there might be something coming up soon ;-)

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Andrew x Neil! But I also have a very warm place in my heart for a few very obscure and/or new pairings that no one that follows me will probably know XD

What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The one sitting in my docs titled "Angsty HS Andreil Trash".

What are your writing strengths?

Fluff. Also, when a character gets all shmoopy and goes into long inner monologues about how much they love another character, but without actually saying 'love'. I'm romantic trash.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Lol. Can I say writing is my weakness? Erm, more seriously though - probably plot. I'm just not all that good at it. And angst - I tend to shy away from it and I feel like sometimes I with rush to resolve it too quickly.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue or other languages in a fic?

Very cool! But I am woefully mono-lingual. So while I enjoy reading fics that include dialogue (internal or external) written in another language, when I have a character in my own fics that speak another language I tend to just, keep writing in English and just use the narrative and dialogue tags to make sure the reader knows we've switched languages. It's kinda been hammered into me that Google Translate Is Not An Acceptable Way To Put Other Languages In Writing. So... I don't.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Oh my god, uh, the first fic I ever wrote ever was a Green Day fic when I was like... 10 or 11 years old. Follows swiftly by a six year obsession with HP Marauders Era. My first major ship was Remus x Sirius, but that was so long ago I don't think it was called wolfstar yet. I remember posting my fics on Quizilla of all places, then migrating over to Livejournal. I think we called the ship puppy love? Or maybe it was just R/S. Look, it's been a very long time okay...?

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

This is the hardest one to answer, because I love all of them for very different reasons. Instead I'll say that the two I wrote just for me, knowing I probably wouldn't get a lot of views on them and absolutely not caring are 5 minutes to breath and a home by any other name.

(Though similarly you can also say that for my really ridiculous Palmetto Academy series, which will definitely have more entries in the future...)

Tagging ~ anyone who wants to! I'm bad at this :)

#tag games #writer games

[fandomn00blr]

Days 50, 51, and 52

of @the-wip-project’s 100 Days of Writing

50. What fic/story made you?

I’m not sure how to answer this, as I don’t feel entirely ‘made’ yet. lol...and I have a feeling I probably never will. But today, at least, I am at peace with that.

I tend to flit around from story-to-story a lot, but the one that has held my attention for the longest amount of time (and with the highest word count), and definitely absorbed soooooo much of my personal journey in turn, teaching me things about myself and my writing along the way, has been my first fenhanders series (sort of being neglected atm...*grimace*), Lost & Found. The end has been written for a long time, because I’ve always known how I wanted that to go, and I’m still very excited to share it some day. As well as several other important (and less important) parts in between where I left off with posting it on AO3.

51. Do you use tools for plotting and what are they?

I outline a lot...and I have a chaotic system of bookmarks and links in my drafts that tie into those outlines/second/third drafts. I should totally start using one of those fancy story organizers, but I see all the “fill this in” type boxes and I’m like “no.” And then it’s just back to my more comfortable chaos. [Author’s note: After looking up the ‘shopping list’ method in order to answer the next prompt, I’m like, “Oh! That IS what I do!”]

52. Pick an idea and write a short "shopping list" of what will happen in the story.

I haven’t had many opportunities to sit down and write this week, so I’ll do the shopping list for the Castlevania Family Reunion fic that I’ve had to revise/rethink way too many times for just a silly, wish fulfillment, happy epilogue. Spoilers ahead, obviously, so it’s under a cut, just in case I ever get around to finishing it and posting it.

1. 15 years after season 4 ends, Lisa tells Vlad it’s time to see their son (something about her mortality...Vlad’s denial of it becoming a concern, yadda yadda yadda)

2. They get to the Village of Belmont (travel not important?), but it’s more of a bustling town now (Lisa is delighted, Vlad is...less so).

3. They speak with Roda, the tavern owner, who gives them the ‘Welcome to Belmont’ spiel (Lisa happily plays along to get information). Roda is also an excellent judge of character and is sort of checking them out...good-naturedly.

4. While that conversation is going on, some weird things happen that only Vlad notices, and might be easily dismissed as paranoia: a drunk guy stumbles into him, an old man passes by and eyes them both suspiciously (maybe a third thing...IDK...three’s a nice number...)

5. They pretend to go to the Inn (the Belmont Estate), but sneak off toward the castle when they think no one’s watching them.

6. They get to the castle and find the doors are open, but a small mob tries to stop them, including the drunk guy and the old man (see 4.), who claim to have been tracking them down since they crossed the mountains in the west. They manage to get inside and close the front doors on them before too many other people show up.

7. Vlad tells Lisa to go find Alucard while he holds them off at the entrance, promises not to hurt anyone cuz they both know if he does, this whole ‘I’m better now’ thing will be over.

8. Lisa finds Alucard having dinner with his family (Greta, Sypha, Trevor, and little Adrian Danesti Belnades-Belmont, who is now 14, and goes by the name Dani). Did they hear the doors closing? Are they on high alert? Yeah, probs.

9. Lisa has to convince Alucard she is real, and then tells him that his father is out front holding off an angry mob with pitchforks. Greta and Trevor immediately go to help with the mob, while Sypha and Alucard tell a very eager-to-prove-herself Adrian to stay back...Lisa asks the girl if she thinks she could protect her, a helpless old lady (wink wink), and she finally agrees to stay.

10. Trevor and Vlad do some fun banter, while Greta goes out and handles her people, calms most of them down and sends them home before Alucard and Sypha even get there, except for a group of ‘outsiders’ (cultists?) who insist they are harboring the Lord of Darkness and Roda (and her axe) helps deal with them.

Bonus 11. Vlad now has to convince not only his son, but his son’s three spouses and an entire town he’s not going to turn all Dracula on them again. Lisa helps. Lisa and Sypha and Greta get along great. Dani and Grandpa Vlad have some kind of weird special bond that raises eyebrows sometimes (she is a Belmont, after all...sorta), but it goes a long way toward building up trust between everyone.

#100daysofwriting #outlining #shopping list method #castlevania #WIP #my writing #well writing about writing #still writing!

[vincent-frankenstein]

ADHD sides hcs :3c

self projection time? self projection time

feel free to add ur own hcs onto this im jus usin my own experiences here 

startin w PATTON

emotional regulation? who’s she? patton only knows feeling emotions with Every Single Atom in his body so powerfully he might one day Explode

if he’s happy hes HAPPY!!!!! it’s like his body fills with light and he’s walking 2 feet off the ground and nothing could go wrong — and then whoops, something goes wrong, and wh o o ps, hes crying, whoops —

has a million stuffed animals sitting aLL around the house so he always has something to Squeeze

Squeezing is a good stim dont @ me

he throws his whole body into stimming

flapping, bouncing, jumping, spinning — his body must be moving at all times or he will die 

starting things is. Very very hard for him. executive dysfunction hits DEEP and he’s just,,, paralyzed. he wants to do the thing!!! he really does!!! his brain just Wont Let Him

logan used to get very frustrated with him but then patton like, explained how it felt and a little lightbulb went off in logan’s head

“patton, I think you have adhd.”

“... i’m guessin that doesn’t mean im a-delightful-hip-dad?”

then they did some Research together and put together a plan to help patton work around executive dysfunction and, it works, sometimes

when it doesnt, logan makes hot cocoa and sits with him

AUDITORY. PROCESSING. PROBLEMS.

“Hey, Pat, what’s for dinner?” “huh?” “I said, what’s for —” “meATloaf”

hearing is an uphill struggle so sometimes he just Signs instead but a lot of the time he gets so excited about what he’s trying to say he just dissolves into flapping halfway through the sentence

lots of hyperfixations !!!! so many !!! he cycles through em one after another suuuuper quickly 

he never forgets a hyperfixation, and the mention of ANY old hyperfixations will have him cry-flapping

roman: hey did u know they’re making another phineas and ferb movie -

patton, vibrating intensely and sobbing, .5 seconds away from launching into orbit: theYR E MAKING A WHAT

ROMAN

singing is his absolute FAVORITE STIM

that moment where u reach a point in a song where ur chest just, Swells and u can feel ur voice Vibrating ? yeah

sometimes Does Not warm up beforehand bc ??? he has No Choice but to sing along to certain songs and he cant always control when they come on so his voice sometimes gets Very Raspy from belting without warmups

aside from that twirling and doing Ballet Poses are also very good stims. he stick his leggy out Real Far mmhm

roman: *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt fin

his room is a MESS and NO he will NOT clean it LOGAN he has a SYSTEM 

he doesnt have a system and the mess stresses him out to no end but he has one (1) braincell and it’s dedicated to Starting Projects And Not Finishing Them so

needs validation to survive

like legit if he doesnt get validation he will DIE 

on the flip side, if he gets any sort of rejection, he will also Die

logan: so I read through your latest script, and the idea is solid. We can definitely work with this. I did notice one oddly structured sentence so I fixed that for you —

roman: so you basically hate it and i should die 

rejection sensitive dysphoria is the one villain he has yet to figure out how to slay

contrary to what u might think, he keeps his hyperfixations Very close to his heart. he doesnt think he would survive it if one of the others were to criticize them

the one exception to this rule: disney. 

you cant look at this boy and tell me hes not hyperfixated on disney i mean did you s E E him in that one ep cmon

he will ramble about disney to anyone who will listen for hours. days, even, if you give him the opportunity. infodumping about disney is like injecting pure sunlight right into his bloodstream; by the end of it he’s glowing

once, after accepting anxiety, virgil and roman ended up in another debate about the Meanings of disney movies, but this time it was friendly, and by the end of it roman had gotten to ramble about each and every one of his favorite movies and he had never been happier

it was the first time virgil ever saw him Flap

they still get together to talk disney sometimes

VIRGIIIIL

virgil: *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while liste

like roman, Music is virgil’s main stim, but he prefers to just. Move. bouncin his leg and drumming his hands in the air and shaking his head etc etc

it takes. literally foreVER for him to trust the others enough to stim around them. music is his main comfort but, for a Long Time, he wouldnt let himself listen to it when the others were around, just bc he knew he’d want to stim and he couLDNT bc what if he got juDGED

but then one day roman starts singing and patton jumps up and starts spinning and virgils like “???” and logans like “that’s how they stim” and virgils like “!!!!”

he Tappy Leg Real Fast

he also has a string of beads he carries everywhere to twist around his fingers bc bead,,, Good Texture

he struggles with rsd just as badly as roman, but he shows it in a Different Way

roman hurts, but hes an actor. he’s not about to invite more rejection by letting them know how much their words hurt! no no no, he keeps up the bravado until hes back in his room and then he breaks

but virgil. the rsd hits and its like, a physical blow to his chest and he crumples, wilting in on himself, and the world around him just sorta, ebbs away. for virgil, rsd is static

after AA the others start to learn his Signs for when hes feeling Bad™ so whenever he shrinks away they’ll stop the conversation and talk him through his insecurities until he feels better

SPOOKY HYPERFIXATIONS ALL THE WAY

went to Halloween Horror Nights one (1) time and now listens to the music on repeat and just. stims for hours

also hes in love with austin gumbam from academy of villains me? self projecting? never 

knows Every Obscure Fact from Every Horror Movie Ever and the urge to infodump is Consntantly at the forefront of his mind but he Never Does

unless someone gives him permission 

virgil: oh? chucky? thats a. cool movie.  did you know that — uh. nvm

logan: no no, go on

virgil, vibrating at a speed that could shatter glass: iF YOU INSIST-

LOGAN,,,,

this bitch is just as bad at Emotional Regulation as patton

hes just better at hiding it

that little stunt w the paper in lntao? he is Constantly .5 seconds away from going apeshitt. that was just A Glimpse into the chaos

he’s just,,,, very very bad at Identifying what he’s feeling. patton hid his feelings from the others, but he still knew what he was feeling, and he knows how to identify emotions

logan, on the other hand? 

logan: passion and anger are both Hot. they must be The Same Thing

patton: i. i mean. not really

logan: goddamnit

or

patton: logan? are you crying?

logan, touching his cheek and finding Tears: hm. tragic. and here i thought i was “happy”

he’d much rather just,,, Not feel but thats not an option bc he still feels things intensely, he just doesnt know What he’s feeling most of the time

quiet stims. he runs his hands along the fabric of his tie, feeling the grooves of the stitches, and readjusts his glasses constantly. if he’s feelin extra wild, he’ll even pull out his rubix cube and solve and re-solve it without even looking

LOTS of obscure hyperfixations

he has so many books on so many different subjects,,,, his room is more of a library than a bedroom and thats just the way he likes it

throwback to that one time he hyperfixated on reptiles and thomas’ little “slimy boy” outburst had him chasing deceit around the mindscape trying to feel his scales “FOR SCIENCE”

memory. problems.

he HATES hates hates hates the fact that things slip his mind so easily. hence, the notebook, and the daily planner, and the deluge of postits hanging around his bedroom

it frustrates him to no end especiaLLY when he forgets important information in front of thomas

patton watches out for the signs of Frustration and brings logan a cup of tea later than day and helps him sort through the Mess of notes on his desk to catalogue the Important Info

just let logan and patton be adhd buds @god bls i beggeth

but when he does remember The Information and thomas praises him? effervescent

logan, after thomas called him cool, kicking down pattons door: I FINALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPINESS TRULY FEELS LIKE

patton: hey! cool your jets there, kiddo!

logan:

patton: :3c

logan, turning around: neveRMIND

patton: nO WAI T-

the day thomas called him cool was the first time he ever Flapped

#patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #adhd #sanders sides hcs #celeste's portfolio #woop w o o p #very Basic™ but im jus like. throwing some of My Experiences at the sides and seein what sticks so #out of this im like. mostly patton n roman #espe c I A LLY roman's singing stim my voice is SHOT rn bc ive been singing nonstop without warming up #adhd sides #legit pls add onto this !!!! i wanna see what experiences Others have

[jess-the-vampire]

The Demon Next Door, Chapter 6

Previous / Next

Marco woke to the sound of his alarm clock, initially panicking as he scrambled off the floor only to realize it was the weekend, placing himself on the bed and taking out his phone to text Tom. Maybe he could ask him for advice before the due date was up? Though before he could finish he heard laughter downstairs, laughter that didn't sound like anyone in his family. He shoved the phone into his pocket and forced himself to get up and check it out.

He shut his bedroom door behind him and wiped at his eyes to get the sleep out as he headed down the steps.

And there at the dining table, was not only tom, but tom's parents, eating a breakfast of cinnamon rolls with marco's parents and sister, his mother waving at his arrival. "Ah marco! You're finally up! The Lucitors brought us breakfast to celebrate tom being allowed into your class! Isn't that great! C'mon, come join us!". One look at tom's face was enough to tell marco this was as sudden for him as it was for marco, most likely brought about him that very morning.

Marco awkwardly headed over and filled up his plate, taking a seat as the parents seemed well to actually be getting alone better then he thought?

When his parents first met star's...it took a little time for them to get used to them, here...well thankfully it seemed tom's parents were a little more...normal. Though Tom's mother wasn't speaking, his father seemed to do better well on speaking for the two of them and upon seeing the couple holding hands he got a pretty good idea why they instantly connected. Nothing like being the most overally affectionate parents ever to bond over, hopefully tom's parents were a little less affectionate then his own.

Ms Lucitor happily waved to Marco who waved back awkwardly, taking a bite of his breakfest as their parents droned on, he tapped marco on the shoulder and pointed to his phone. "I've been looking up some of the moves you guys learn in karate to help me practice, I mean...like...I kinda don't want to make a fool of myself...if possible.". Marco looked down to see videos on queue of some old guys showing tutorials on karate moves and smiled, "You're getting really into this huh?".

"I need a hobby...otherwise i never know what to do with myself.".

"Hey, same thing, I was just really into kung fu movies when i was little so i decided i wanted to learn how to do martial arts. Plus my parents thought it would help me make a lot of new friends, though yeah i didn't have a lot of friends before star, but hey...it'll be good to have a friend in my class. Especially a friend who can take Jeremy down.". Tom elbowed him, "Yeah he's left you mainly alone since the day I showed up and exposed him huh?".

"The only reason sensei doesn't just kick him out is because he's rich, we need him to keep the place going..".

"Really?".

"Really, I guess the place just doesn't do too well...it's not exactly popular.", Tom suddenly looked to the table, a look or worry on his face. "Uh...if that's the case then you don't think...with what i did, I put the dojo in danger now do you?". Marco quickly patted his shoulder, "What? No no no, turns out, jeremy kinda is happy to stay if you're joining, i guess to get revenge on you for exposing him, who knows, maybe you could give this place more life and attention.".

"Really? You think so? I just think if I may of ruined your hobbies i'd feel well...bad...like at the time i was just trying to teach that kid a lesson for messing with you.", he scratched at his neck, his green eyes diverting from marco, "Like i'm still new here, if jeremy really keeps the place alive...then what's to say I improve anything? I might just make things worse, especially if i can't resist teaching him a lesson every time he messes with you in front of everyone...like your crush is coming and...".

"Tom, no, c'mon...I want you there, I mean with you taking down the rich kid, just imagine the attention that could bring. I've never been able to stop him so I can't do much, but people are already talking about the fact you called him out and got him exposed. No one's ever been able to really do it before...especially not to some rich kid like him.", the boy's face shifted, a smile creeping across it, "So...you think having me there against jeremy would actually help?".

"Kid's have been trying to take his snobby butt down for years, i think it's a good start to see someone finally get the drop on him and give the place more attention. Besides, it was really awesome seeing you expose him and do that for me...".

"You really mean it?".

"Yeah, i love star, but she's never stood up for me like that, i think it's cool you're willing to stand up for someone you haven't know for all that long. I don't know if i'd have the same courage as you there, half the time i was worried the dojo would kick me out...I mean like dude, how are you so good with this kinda stuff?". The taller boy simply blinked at marco, his mind warped into confusion, as if he had no idea what marco was talking about at all.

"I mean, you talk to your crushes well, you can take down bullies, you're easy to really talk to and get along with...I mean, you're...way cooler then me.", Marco's voice got soft and Tom grabbed marco's hand, motioning for them to talk in the kitchen alone. They quickly slipped out of the view of their parents and Marco felt the counter behind his back as Tom stood in front of him, hands on his shoulders, "Marco...Am I...do you feel like...i'm better then you?".

"Well...".

"Marco...look i'm...i'm not that cool dude, like...i'm not...ok...like I wasn't...always like this. I-I used to blow up at people dude...I...people didn't even want to be around me, I got jealous and I lashed out at people and...dude you're so easy to get along with and to make friends with, you don't lash out at people and make them hate you...marco i...I wasn't like this before. You...you're so good at karate and people don't look at you like you're weird...and you have friends and marco...you're way cooler then me...".

"Really?".

"Yeah, I wasn't lying about anything I said yesterday in the cafeteria to jackie about you being fun and charming and talented, marco, c'mon...honestly...look, you...don't wanna be like me...be yourself...I'd rather you were yourself.", Marco thought for a second briefly and nodded. "I'm sorry, Maybe everything going on has just made me feel like...i'm doing something wrong, I wanna be able to talk to jackie just like you did, I wanna feel more...confident...".

"Marco, you just have to ask, it's ok...I can help you...".

"Really?".

"Yeah, of course...you teach me karate, I'll teach you how to not be so awkward, sound good?".

"Think you can start now considering your parents are here?", Marco was half joking but after that nice visit the last thing he wanted to do was embarrass himself in front of them, and his parents were already making that hard by just being in the same room.". Tom smirked, "I'm not a professional by the way, I...uh...I kinda sorta do embarrassing stuff sometimes...it's um...well the best way to start is to not think too hard about the person you're talking to...or even picture them as someone else...".

"But what if I did that and said something stupid to someone I thought of as someone else?!".

"Well uh...hmm...I don't mean to THAT extent..."

Marco sighed, "I'm sorry Tom, look, i'm kinda used to not really being that great with people most of the time...", but Tom seemed more then sympathetic to marco's cause. "Hey it's...a learning process, you don't have to start off good at it right? You get better over time...and then you'll be just fine.". The boy nodded, "Yeah, yeah, you're right...though...just try and help me embarrass myself at least a little less if you can...ok? I don't wanna end up talking to your parents like i want to with jackie...".

"Uh yeah, let's skip out on that part...", Tom snickered, "Don't worry marco, we're both unsocial weirdos...probably why we're cool friends.". Marco smiled along with him, "Alright alright, enough teasing, our parents are probably wondering where we went...and i'm still hungry.". Tom agreed, "I dunno, it's kinda nice to not have my parents go on about my baby antics for hours...but i'm probably way too hungry anyway so..yeah, let's go before the rolls are all gone.".

Breakfast was quickly scarfed down and the adults moved into the living room, and marco was relieved to see they were getting along just fine.

No tension, thank god.

In fact tom's parents seemed oddly comfortable with the place...for the most part, Tom's mother was smiling but considering she apparently did not speak english, it was obvious she was upset not being able to talk to them and instead having to talk through dave. Though he seemed to notice that himself, holding her hand and trying to comfort her and reassure her. They seemed sweet together, and even Tom seemed to agree instead of feeling some embarrassment for his lovey parents.

That was what marco wanted, someone to comfort him like that and have his back, and made him feel heard and comfortable.

Looking at them in the kitchen as they laughed and talked in the living room, as mariposa chewed on her stuffed rabbit.

He must've been spacing out cause Tom tapped his shoulder and almost spooked him, marco getting into a karate pose in defense and making Tom laugh as he backed off. "Whoa whoa...sorry marco, didn't mean to kinda spook you...", marco sighed and caught his breath, "S-sorry, force of habit...". Tom looked between him and his parents, "You know...they had a hard time getting together, it's a miracle that I'm even here today when you really think about it...".

"Really?".

"Yeah, dad's parents were uncomfortable with her family, and dad basically abandoned them to be with her...learned to speak her language adapted to her culture. I mean i've had some people ask me if i thought that was a good idea but well...i wouldn't be here otherwise. I think he's much happier this way then he would've been otherwise...all because he did everything in his power to be with someone he really cared about. I hope my relationship is like that...".

"You seem to really love your parents despite the embarrassing stuff...", marco noted, tom shrugging. "I mean, they're embarrassing sometimes but they've been pretty supportive of me and everything and well...mom's good to talk to when i need to talk about things i can't with others...". He seemed to be thinking about something, perhaps his last relationship he had told marco about before? But Tom shook it off, nodding to upstairs, "Wanna...teach me some moves to prepare for our first class together? I'd like to go in with some knowledge if possible.".

"Oh, ok, probably a good idea...", Tom quickly headed up as marco followed after.

Tom excitement was admirable, heading inside marco's guest room where his family normally had exchange students stay whenever they hosted one. The place was empty enough that it was perfect for practice for the time being, tom taking off his boots and chilling on the bed. "So tom, how much have you picked up on in terms of watching me?", marco closed the door behind them as tom shrugged, wiggling his toes in his socks, "A little...seems like mostly kicking and robotic arm stuff kinda..".

"Robotic arm stuff?".

"Yeah like you move it like a robot does!", to demonstrate, tom put his arm in an L shape and pretended to do a chop. "Funny, but no...karate is not like a goofy imitation of a robot, it's a form of self defense and shows your strength and power and-". Marco showed off a few moves as tom stared at him blankly, "Well I guess we got a lot to go through since you're still pretty new to it, maybe we could start with your stance maybe? Your arm was all wrong there...".

"It was?"".

"Yes, of course it was! C'mon...let me show you how it's done..".

Tom got up and he quickly felt marco adjust his body behind him, grasping his arm and his waist gently before adjusting him to be in the right pose. Tom felt himself stiffened at marco's touch, especially as marco held his hand and fixed it to where he wanted it. "See, we're trying to get it like that...you're going to wanna hold that pose and...tom?", Marco quickly noticed tom wasn't entirely looking at him as he tapped his shoulder, "Hey C'mon, i thought you wanted to know how-".

"Yeah yeah...uh...sorry..", tom seemed red-faced in embarrassment as he got a hold of himself to listen to marco's instructions.

His eyes focused highly on marco's face, who went on and on about instructions that tom was only halfway paying attention to. To be fair, tom could've done way worse on his first attempt at a chop, at least according to marco, who seemed more then surprised at tom's strength when he asked tom to chop at him and marco blocked it. He thought tom's father seemed strong but yeesh, tom had a lot more power to him then the skinny boy he seemed to be.

At one point marco even fell to the floor from one of tom's hits on him, catching marco highly off guard compared to tom's other failed kicks and hits. Tom almost immediately worrying and rushing to marco's side to make sure he wasn't injured. But Marco not only was fine, but seemed actually impressed, tom was a fast learner it seemed. He was quick to get an understanding of the moves he was trying to learn and the stances he was going for...for the most part.

Tom also seemed to get a little...distracted, if only because tom was too busy looking at marco to focus on his own actions.

Marco had to snicker, tom was kinda a goofball.

Well, he did seem to get a little grumpy every time he screwed up but he shook it off and tried to almost make a joke out of it if he could, laughing it off as best he could.

God, tom was more of a dork then he was.

Tom took a break on the free bed soon after, catching his breath as marco approached, crossing his arms like a stern parent. "Jeez tom, you're like that one kid in class who who acts like they're gonna fail and then gets straight A's, though some of your posture could still use some work...". Tom snorted into the sheets, "It wasn't easy marco, trust me, it only worked out so well because you're such a great teacher and helped me have some idea about what i'm doing...".

"Really?".

"Yeah, duh!".

"Thanks tom...keep this up and you'll be a green belt like me in no time!", the taller boy smiled and gave marco a quick hug, "Thanks marco. i'll keep practicing this, I promise, just work on how to talk with jackie...maybe with a mirror is a good start...or you could even test it on me sometime if you want.". That was an good idea actually, if he tested it on tom it'd probably be 10x less awkward then if he were saying it to jackie herself for the first time.

"Yeah, thanks..".

"Thomas!", Dave suddenly headed up the stairs, catching tom off guard a little, and he looked...anxious?

"Dad? Is uh...everything ok down there?".

"The casserole is burning.", his eyes wandered downstairs and back to Tom, panicking but incredibly serious, he seemed as if he was incredibly used to dealing with bad situations. Marco however, seemed confused, it was breakfast time, why would they have ever made casserole? Not even here, at their own home? But Tom seemed to know exactly what his father was talking about, nodding and more serious then he was just a minute ago, "Sorry, marco, we gotta get going...i'll text you soon! Then we can prepare for our kinda date!".

He quickly started heading out and making sure he didn't leave anything behind as his father ran downstairs and marco called after him.

"Tom!"

'Huh?", tom stopped in his tracks, though his eyes told marco he needed to make it quick.

"Can...i come over again...sometime...to practice?".

a grin appeared on the boy's face, "Yeah, i'll see you then...bye marco!".

And quickly after tom and his family had left the building and to their own house across the street, marco heading down the stairs to find his confused parents scratching their heads at their guests's sudden leave. "Marco...did tom tell you why they were leaving, Mr Lucitor said something about a casserole? And we were just in the middle of talking about my new art too!". Marco shrugged at his dad, picking up his baby sister from the floor and taking out his phone, "You'll have to ask him next time...".

Meanwhile across the street Mr Lucitor was looking at his son who had been staring at the Diaz's house since they arrived.

"So what's this about a "Date with marco?".

leaving Tom to stiffen, before his face turned bright red, "Just a double date with star and marco's crush jackie...we hope...". The man looking over his face, smiling, "Alright, oh and...marco...his family's nice...you found yourself a pretty great friend it seems...".

Tom's eyes turned back to look at the diaz house and ponder, "Yeah...I did didn't i?".

"STAR!", marco was quickly tackled by the blonde's hug as he was shoved onto the ground. Star seemed to be feeling a whole lot better, which was a good thing, especially now. Marco needed some pep in his step if he was going to get through his first real kinda date with jackie, maybe double date. Though tonight was a bit of a homework session with star, and hopefully she would do her own work this time and not copy off his homework sheet.

"So? Tell me!".

"Tell you what?", marco pushed her off as he got to his feet, fixing his outfit.

"What did jackie say about you? You never told me!".

"Oh...", now that he thought about it, he never really did tell Star how the Jackie thing went, he kinda got distracted by her mood at the time and never got back to her on what had happened. "Well tom talked to her and well...I think he really got her kinda sorta interested...maybe?". He simply shrugged, blushing and laughing, "It's a lot better then the plans i came up with. i'll be honest...I'm not sure i could've done it without his help actually.".

"OOOOOOOOO MARCO YOU BABE MAGNET!", Star said, as she squeezed his face in excitement, "I KNEW SHE LIKED YOU! Aw heck yeah, this is going to be AWESOME! You and Jackie are finally going to hang out, you're gonna show her how hot you are, it's gonna be awesome~". She was practically bouncing around the room in excitement, same ole star. Honestly she had been getting so impatient with Marco's lack of progress with the girl this was like Christmas to her.

If Tom hadn't helped, Marco was sure Star would stomp over to Jackie and ask her out for him herself.

"Yeah and Tom will be there to help and make sure things go smoothly...hopefully...",Marco brushed himself off and fixed his hair, "I mean, she doesn't know i like her like that...but i can tell her later...when y'know...she and i are...getting sorta closer maybe...maybe...". But Star was too busy fantasizing and snapped out of it quickly as something came to mind, "Oh! Maybe you could ask to get food with her later, or a movie maybe? Movies are always fun!".

"Maybe...and tom could-".

Star stopped, "Wait Tom? Why do you want him there?".

"Well, Tom could surprise me, maybe sure i don't fail the date?".

Star looked baffled.

"Marco Diaz, you didn't go through all that hassle to be babysitted on your dates for the rest of your life did you?", Star looked mad and Marco didn't really know how to respond, yeah he didn't want to be babysitted, but it felt...comforting, having tom there to look over him and keep him in check so he didn't screw up. Without him there it was just going to be him and Jackie and what if he screwed up in front of jackie? What if she left him in the middle of the date? Alone?

Was it really that weird that Tom seemed like a comforting person to reassure him and make him feel less nervous around his crush?

"Well...star, it's just...".

"No protests Marco Diaz, you gotta march up and ask her out on a date, alone, just the two of you, no tom's creeping around...", she crossed her arms before wagging her finger playfully at Marco, in all fairness, it wasn't like star to really understand, she rarely felt that anxious talking to anyone. The only person she got nervous around was her parents and that was widely different then how Marco felt trying to talk to Jackie and trying to impress her.

It gave him butterflies.

"We'll see how the karate thing goes...you...excited? You rarely come to my lessons...", star giggled, "Well of course i'm excited! I'm gonna see you finally ask Jackie out on a proper date! Most of your lessons kinda go the same but THIS time, oh it's gonna get spicy!".Well, at least Star was excited, hopefully things actually went well and Jeremy didn't decide he wanted to make things any worse or anything, which was a viable option right now.

"Well, we'll see...oh! How have things been at home recently? Your mom off your case yet?", Star froze, stopping in her tracks before coughing into her fist, "Oh uh...yeah kinda sorta...whatever, she's not mad anymore about you helping me cheat...she's mad about...other things right now. She's also been trying to keep dad from doing anything crazy, which is a good thing because he is...". She swayed her arms widely around her face to describe him.

She was pretty accurate on that.

"Work stuff?".

"Something like that...", she drawled off, "But don't worry! She's probably got it...probably...".

"You've never really told me where your mom works, is she like a business woman or something?", Marco plopped onto the couch and rested his feet as star took a seat next to him, "Eh...yeah, something like that...sure...". Star didn't really have the best poker face out there, sometimes she was able to hide stuff, other times her lies were so blatant marco was annoyed beyond belief. You'd think Star could be super honest with her best friend but she had her secrets to keep still.

It was just weird because sometimes they were simple questions.

Was her mom apart of an illegal gang or something?

Actually did marco even want to know?

"Why is she so uptight with you anyway? I mean i know you're a troublemaker...but you always talk about it to me like she gives you little to no freedom at all...i'm surprised she didn't make you sign up for clubs or give you a earlier curfew if she's like that. Some really strict parents keep you for doing anything, but she seems nice enough to kinda let you do almost whatever you want. At least, from what i can tell...i mean, you get to hang out with me.".

"She's...well...she's just uptight...but not THAT uptight...it's...hard to explain actually.", she played with the bottom of her dress, "I wish i had your parents...they're always so friendly and open and don't make you do private lessons and all that junk. Plus you get to go almost anywhere you want and ughh...it's just not fair marco. I really get tired of her sometimes, she complains about everything, and tells me to do this and that and...ugh i'd rather live with you!".

"Honestly Star, maybe it does you well to have rules...keeps you grounded, otherwise you might be getting yourself into things even i can't stop you from doing.", He seemed amused but Star less so, even he had to complain about his parents sometimes...but he couldn't deny the fact to some degree he kinda appreciated them. As long as star's mom wasn't locking her away and keeping her from doing anything she wanted, star was probably exaggerating.

He'd met Moon Butterfly after all, she was strict indeed, but pleasant.

"Ugh...you don't get it Marco!"., she groaned so loud in annoyance she might as well wake up the whole neighborhood.

"C'mon Star, it's ok, things'll work out...who knows, maybe you and your mom will come to an understanding soon...", Star didn't seem so sure but it was Star after all, Marco patted her shoulder as he stood up, motioning upstairs, "Let's get started studying, maybe we can play some video games after if you want...ok?". This livened star up a bit, but only for the later and not the former, the girl racing up the stairs before Marco even could reach them.

The study session actually mostly seemed to go alright when marco could get star to stay still at least.

Though Star did seem to glance at Marco whenever he stopped to text Tom, which seemed to happen literally every minute, making star surprisingly the less distracted studier for once. She'd never seen Marco like this before, so distracted and so..happy about it? Marco was laughing and smirking and talking to himself as he sent Tom stuff and Star rolled her eyes. "Gee Marco, are you sure tom isn't the one you have a major crush on instead of Jackie?", she was joking of course but Marco suddenly got flustered, shoving his phone into his pocket.

"W-what?".

"You kinda look...well...".

Marco suddenly became more flustered, "What? NO! We're just talking, he sent me some funny stuff...". He pulled out his phone again, avoiding star's gaze as she went back to kinda reading, she huffed but didn't press the boy any further.

Game night was always a blast, though Marco seemed to beat star at almost every game that she couldn't make up rules for. Though during the event he kinda wished tom was with them, and he had a feeling star knew he was thinking that as well. To Marco though, asking tom to come over when Star was over was like telling star he didn't think she was as fun to be around alone anymore and he needed someone else to spice their hangs out up these days.

And he didn't want star thinking that.

Though as he won another match, Star groaned into the carpet, laying on her front with her controller lazily in her hands.

She was clearly sick of being beaten at this point, and marco was sure she'd probably drop out to watch movies instead at this rate.

"Ugh, marcooooo...stop being so good!", But marco simply laughed it off, "C'mon Star, i'm not good, you're just out of practice...outta spend more time working on your gaming skills, when you're not studying of course.". Star looked up, her face squished against the floor like a sad puppy, "I bet you couldn't beat Tom...". Her face was moody still, and that was probably meant to snap back at how much she was tired of losing against marco but it put marco off guard.

Tom? Was she thinking about tom? Marco had been thinking about him as soon as he left through their door earlier that day, he hadn't expected star to be thinking about him as well. Well, he did assume she might possibly like the boy didn't he? Of course in that case she'd be thinking about him.

So why was he shocked?

She sent him a challenging glare and Marco simply raised a bushy eyebrow and tried to ignore her face, "Tom? Well, I mean, he tells me he's great with games but i highly doubt it...".

"Well if you're so good then, invite him over and show me!".

Star...wanting TOM over?

Was star still broken?

"Wait...right now?'.

"Yeah tough guy, invite him right now, we'll see whose the best then!", Star must've been desperate to beat marco out if she was inviting tom over, the guy she supossibly hated. Then again, marco rationalized, if she liked him of course she'd ant him around. So it wasn't that weird right? And Marco had wanted tom to come back over to since he had been thinking about him ever since he left right? Star eyed marco up and down, "C'mon, invite him over, otherwise you'll text him the entire time instead and at least with him here you might focus more.".

Marco awkwardly took out his phone one more, sending Tom a text as Star smirked at him mischievously. Of course he could beat Tom at video games, was she crazy? Tom played a fair few of games but he never seemed to be an expert or anything.

At least, as far as Marco could tell.

And before Marco could even bat an eye, Tom had entered the room, only a few minutes after sending out the text. He looked thrilled in fact, though he had clearly ran over and through marco's door without so much as knocking. Though granted at this point, he might as well enter whenever he wanted, janna and star already did that. Even for once Star kinda seemed excited to have him there, even if it was just for petty reasons like wanting to watch him fight marco.

"I hear you wanted me to game?"

"How...what...?".

"Don't worry, my mom thought your family was so cool, they said it was ok if i stayed for dinner, so what we playing?"

"Super Speedster 3, Star's a bit of a sore loser...", He was teasing of course, but it was true. Though despite Star's pouts and eye rolling, she seemed to be more then happy to see marco go against Tom, Tom himself taking her controller. "Sweet, i love racing games...I never really had a lot of people to race against though so i was always racing against the computer...so this'll be kinda nice...but...don't expect me to go easy on you diaz...because i won't.".

"Oh, you're the one who should be worried...lucitor.".

These two were birds of the same feather, just a bunch of nerds.

Marco couldn't hide how happy he was to see tom again, as if they had been apart for years instead of hours, and tom seemed quite similar. His focus more on marco then star and teasing him as he took up the controller and jabbed on about anything, marco following. Most of it was about tips to help the other, but some of it was goofy jokes and what else they could come up with. The two playing the game and star watching right next to them as they laughed together.

Though Star found herself paying more attention to them in the game despite her wanting to watch Tom defeat Marco, which...was exactly what was happening with Tom being in the lead with marco close behind. Marco was quickly getting mad about meeting his match, but Tom seemed to find it funny, teasing and butting marco with his elbow. Marco and Tom seemed to get along really well, they seemed genuinely comfortable around each other naturally and Star couldn't help but feel...happy.

Marco was rarely this happy, even if he was pretty mad right now at having his butt handed to him.

Though Marco wasn't paying too much attention to Star right now as Tom finished before him, effectively beating his long streak of wins after so long. Tom laughing, then Star laughing, and Marco, despite all his frustration, seeing his two friends...getting along well. Star wasn't being weird to Tom, and Tom was actually comfortable around her, granted, it was because they were both laughing at Marco, but marco couldn't help but choke out a laugh too.

"Fine fine...he beat me...guess there is someone out there who can beat the master...", Tom bumped him playfully, egging him on, "C'mon...let's do another round...maybe we can swap with star every game so we all get to play? Don't wanna leave anyone out right?". Tom was way too nice considering how Star had been to him before this point, but Star took him up on his proposition, marco watching as they faced off, then he and star again, then back to him and tom.

Star booing at the screen when marco passed tom, playfully of course.

Tom cheering on marco when he got past star.

And Star looking between the boys as they teased each other over and over.

It was almost like...normal, as if there never had been any weird conflict at all.

They had subs that night, munching them down together, laughing and smiling. Tom and Star actually kinda talking to each other, nicely, about school and other things. Marco felt so much relief that he never knew he needed so badly. His best friends...were now becoming friends for real, they were talking and smiling and laughing. When he thought about it, while looking at them, they looked like a pretty good couple. Maybe the sorta date with jackie might work out better then he thought.

Maybe if tom could work with star, he really could work with jackie.

Maybe.

Though as star and tom parted from his house that night, he felt a little sad, tom promising to come over tomorrow as well.

And marco watched him go inside his home, till tomorrow.

And the thought of that alone provided him nice dreams.

#star vs the forces of evil #svtfoe #svstfoe #tom the demon #tom lucitor #tomco #marco diaz #marco #star butterfly #my art #fanfiction #fanfic

[szopenhauer]

If someone has bad breath, do you tell him or her? doubtful, I don’t wanna hurt anyone, it’s awkward and a lot of ppl can’t change how they smell

Do you have an item that comforts you when you are sad/scared? used to have one special object, I still hold it sometimes, I suppose I might again at night from Friday to Saturday 

When are you likely to hide your emotions? when I’m face to face with an authority figure like boss, teacher or doctor, policeman too but I never been in a situation like this with them, I also hide my emotions from abusers at times to not show I’m afraid of them and to not provoke them more as well

Which is scarier: Dying of thirst or of starvation? I guess starvation as it takes longer

Have you ever tried to help someone quit smoking? it’s their decision to smoke, I don’t approve but I won’t get involved, I can only avoid them

Have you ever had to talk anyone out of suicide? self harm more likely, I mean... I was talking with suicidal people about them wanting to kill themselves but never at the moment when they were doing it so I don’t know if that counts

When you think of tomorrow, what feelings come to mind? packing, last day with my parents before I go to the hospital

What is the last thing you complained about? probably health related issues

What was the last curse-word you said? kurwa

When you fake sick to get out of school, what do you say or do to convince your parents that you are sick? I don’t fake sick, I might exaggerate but I won’t lie, I don’t want to worry my parents and because I’m chronicall ill I often was going to school even though I didn’t felt like it

Do you still talk to your very first best friend? no

When was the last time something went terribly wrong? basically everything goes wrong

How do you console someone when he or she is upset? depends

Choose one: Trip to outerspace, or trip underneath the oceans? no thx

How often do you feel overwhelmed? all the damn time

How do you deal with everyday life? poorly 

Who in your family do you act like the most? my dad

What is the most romantically sweet thing someone has done for you? my gf is doing many sweet things 

Have you ever been confronted by a mall cop for your behavior? I’ve never been confronted by the store guard - elseway I would never go back there out of anxiety

Is there someone that makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells? my mom

Were you ever afraid of one of your past teachers? sorta XD

Have you ever been in a physical fight on school grounds? I was attacked but I didn’t fight back so...

A homeless man asks you for 50 cents; how do you respond? dunno

When was the last time you visited a thrift store? recently

Can you handle constructive criticism? I can’t handle any criticism :(

Who is the most sensitive person that you know? me?...

When was the last time you wrote someone a note? few days ago

Do you tell your parents before you go somewhere, or just leave? I always tell

What was the last thing you tried to get out of doing? not sure what was last hmm...

Which season do you dread the most? winter

Is there a foreign culture you’d like to learn more about? maybe

Have you ever seen a famous painting and thought “I could have done that?” abstract art

What is the scariest thing about attending your school? which one?

Are you a good judge of other people’s intentions? I got better with time 

Shopping: best with friends, parents, bf/gf, or alone? depends

When was the last time someone told you to turn your music down? my mother sometimes asks me to because she has migraines

When you don’t know how to spell a word, do you look it up? not always *ashamed*

Are you one to spend a lot of time in the bathroom? nope but I’m the one that often goes to the bathroom 

Do you ever consider the challenges other races go through? sure

When was the last time you doubted your abilities? I have... abilities? :o

What was the last thing you wished for? health... not gonna happen tho :(

How many times a day, on average, do you look at the time? several, when I wake up then when I eat and between meals and then when I go to sleep and in the middle of the night if I go to pee

Where do you first remember living? I never moved

First fandom? woah I don’t remember 

First otp/ship? neither

How old were you when you first when on a plane? -

What was your first tattoo?  -

Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? show - She-ra, movie - A lot like love

Did you lose your virginity before you were sixteen? nooo

How many purses do you own? too many lol Are you bi? am not Who was your prom date? I never had one, I didn’t go to prom

Who was the last person to see you cry? parent[s]

Have you ever been used? yep

Do you like when girl takes you by surprise and kisses you? I like consent but... those were the best kisses ^^’’

Have you ever gone for someone despite knowing they were bad for you? I didn’t think about the future nor that I deserve love What kind of gift can win you over? what do you mean by WIN ME OVER? Are diamonds really a girls best friend? not mine, I don’t care for diamonds 

Have you ever dated someone with a child? no way  Have you ever dated someone shorter than you? Sarah was shorter

Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? my parents and my current partner

What sound is annoying you right now? it’s quiet :3

What gives you a peaceful feeling? sleep?

Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? country

Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user? taker and user I suppose

Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute? early

If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say? the truth

Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for the child to outlive their parent? parent to outlive the child because it’s not common

When do you do your best thinking? evening/night

What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? majority of decisions are smth I’d prefer not to make

What age do you think it is most difficult to be? to each their own

Do you think you could handle a day in jail? who knows

Have you ever been on a trampoline? I have not

Do you pretend to be something you’re not to make friends? I’m being myself and that’s why I’m friendless :P

Are you more of a shy or outgoing person? I’m introverted antisocial and a loner but I’m not shy, I can be loud and talkative

Are you more of an athlete or artist? artist Are you the type to procrastinate? I put PRO in procrastination  Do you believe that you’ll always be a kid at heart? ;) What is something you want to improve on this year? health, I’m trying  How many times a day do you get angry? uh oh... If you could eat any food you want right now, what would it be? personal Can you sleep with your eyes open? I’m no Gandalf

Do you still have any living grandparents? If so, how old are they? I don’t wanna talk about that

What’s your favorite computer game genre? simulations Do you have any exes your parents never liked? pfft Do you ever keep things just because they might be useful someday? we are hoarders

Are you frequently in a bad mood? sorry... Do you ever fill out surveys while in a bad mood? I go through soooo many moods before I finish one survey  Are you a fast or a slow eater? slowest among my friends, fastest in my house  How old were you when you had your first relationship? no idea what I should call a relationship and what not  Do you get dental checkups at least once a year? yup Is there anyone in your family/household whom you frequently argue with? mom, sister before she moved out Have you ever used chewing tobacco? tha hell? that’s disgusting!

Do you play Pokemon Go? If so, what level are you and who’s your buddy? not applicable Do you ever sit indoors and wear sunglasses or a hat? hat Are you putting off doing something right now? If so, what is it? drying my hair, drinking water and going to sleep mostly

Are you like me and hoard notebooks and pens? pens now, I stopped buying notebooks... oh wait... no... I just got one because I wanted to save bees, nvm... Are you sitting in front of or by a window? What can you see out there? by, it’s dark but there’s my neighbor’s house Are there any coasters on your table? If so, do they have text or pictures? flowers Do you have a song playing in your head right now, too? not really Don’t you hate it when people answer to surveys with one word answers? lame *I realized I did that myself *facepalm* Ever watched a cat or a dog sleep and run/twitch in their sleep? adorable <3 What’s something we do every day but they don’t depict in movies? it bothers me that in fantasy/sci-fi movies there are no toilets and meals are rare

Is your style feminine, masculine or somewhere in the middle? in the middle, childish yet of an old person haha Do you usually carry a backpack, a shoulder bag or something else? shoulder bag or tote  Do you wear glasses? If so, have you ever tried to fix them when they’ve broken? helped my dad fix his glasses couple of times Are there a lot of dragonflies around your house? they don’t show up frequently

[lovelyrocker]

Love Is Blind Ch. 6

~RPF

~Warning: Minor Blood, Underage Intimacy(Sorta Underage), Underage Alcohol Use  

~Characters: Lexi Ackles(OFC), Jared Padalecki

~Pairings: Jared X Lexi

~Word Count: 7,085

Love is Blind Masterlist

<Previous Chapter

The season wrapped a few months later and during that time Lexi was hired as Amy’s assistant. She managed work and college like a pro for someone that wasn’t yet seventeen. When she wasn’t attending her on campus classes she was in Jensen’s  trailer for an online class. When she wasn’t doing that she was modeling. And when she wasn't modeling, she was working back and forth between the makeup trailer and on set. Meaning she was spending a lot of time with Jared. Whether she wanted to or not.

It’s not that she didn’t like Jared. That was just the problem, she did. She had developed the cliche school girl crush on her brother’s best friend. How typical 90’s teen drama of her. But, she managed to hide it well. Even though Jared sometimes made her wonder. Like always offering to take her places and pick her up. Staying in when Jensen went out or coming home early to help her with an assignment. Showing up in the makeup trailer on his small breaks just to talk. Finding her during lunch just to check in on her. Leaving gummy bears or sour strips on her counter in the makeup trailer. Putting little good luck notes in her backpack when he knew she was overly nervous and stressed about an exam.

Maybe he was just trying to be like a big brother to her, she thought to herself as she penned her journal. But then again, Jensen never told her she looked breathtakingly beautiful in a party dress like Jared did for that season’s wrap party. Then there was the way he looked at her. She’d caught him several times staring at her a little longer than necessary. The way he sometimes watched her over the book or script her was reading. His eyes subtly following her through out the room no matter what she was doing. Then, when she’d catch him staring he a guilty little boy grin. The same little grin that made her stomach flip and her face flush.

Midway through summer she left Dallas for a week with her brother in Austin. Beginning of June and the heat index was well into the triple digits. Many days were spent with JJ and Danneel by the pool. Except today. Today Jared, Genevieve, Tom and Shep were coming over for an old fashioned southern barbeque. 

The day was beautiful as the kids splashed in the shallow end of the pool, Lexi with them keeping a close eye, indulging them in their made up water games.

“Lex, can you make a big jump?!” JJ exclaimed.

Lexi climbed out of the pool and walked across to the deep end. Jared sat back in a lounge chair near Jensen with a beer in hand watching as the kids played. He tried not to stare. He tried not to notice but, he failed. As she walked across dripping wet in her two piece candy skull bikini, he couldn’t help but notice her voluptuous frame and the way her swimsuit hugged every curve perfectly. This girl looked like she was in her twenties. Jared often reminded himself that she was only a teenager. Despite being obvious eye candy for him.

“So,” Jared cleared his throat. “Lexi coming back to Vancouver next month?”

Jensen shrugged, tongs in hand. “I think so. She said she wanted to finish her degree. I told her she was more than welcome to keep living with us.” Placing the utensil down and grabbing his beer. “You okay with that?”

“Absolutely.”  Jared tried not to sound too happy about the news. “I’m glad she is serious about finishing college.”

“She did a semester online over summer break so when she starts up in the fall she’ll be even more ahead of her peers.”

“Always the over achiever.” Jared smiled sipping his beer. Well, more like chugging it. “I’ll go grab us a few more.” After a quick bathroom trip Jared walked down the hall hearing laughing and shouting.

“You little butthead!” Lexi mumbled after the door shut.  

“Did you just call me kid a butthead?”

“Yes!” She stood still dripping wet. “He pulled my straps loose.” She said holding her top in place.

Jared laughed. “Turn,” He spun her with his hands on her shoulders. Quickly he tied the straps, her bare back causing him to swallow hard.

“Thank you.” She turned back looking up. “Your kid is a perv.”

“Nah, he just has a type.” Jared winked, Lexi’s face growing hot.

“He is three. He should not have a type.”

"Maybe he just likes boobs.” Jared shrugged making his way to the fridge.

 “Well, like father, like son.” She ducked under his arm grabbing a bottle of water.  

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” He popped the top of his bottle.

“Not at all. I’m pretty sure his taste in women will change by the time he’s thirteen.”

“Not if he is like his dad.” He looked her up and down.

How much have you had to drink?” She gave a giggle hoping on the counter grabbing the beer from his hand taking a sip.

“Hey!” Jared grabbed the beer. “Give me that.” He placed the beer aside and put his hands on either side of her on the counter. “You are gonna make me look like a bad influence.” Her heart stopped with him being so close. His eyes were glazed over a bit from drinking but were still beautiful. “You okay?” She nodded unable to talk. “You better get outside. The kids are waiting for you.”

“You go be the human jungle gym.”She pushed at his chest jumping down.

“It’s not the same. I’m sure they would rather climb on the pretty one.” He said grabbing her waist from behind giving her sides a tickle.

Fast forward three weeks back in Vancouver the welcome backs and we miss yous took over the first three days back in Canada. After staying up almost all night on the phone with Ellie, Lexi walked into the kitchen scratching her head, messy waves flowing over her shoulders. She yawned reaching for a cup.

“None left.” Jensen said standing from the table. 

“Serious?!”

“It’s eleven forty five, Lex.” He looked back at her. “Is that Jared’s shirt?”

“Lexi looked down at the  massively oversized long sleeve Cowboys shirt she had on. “I thought this was yours.” She shrugged grabbing the coffee canister and filters. “Want some?”

“Kinda late, don’t you think?” Jared asked walking in.

“It’s never too late for coffee. Besides, without coffee I’d cease to exist.” 

“Meaning without it she wouldn’t be the sweetheart we know and love.” Jensen said slipping on his shoes. “She’d be more like Medusa.”

“Exactly. I need it to function, I need it to live!” Lexi comically over exaggerating her expression. 

 “Geez, it’s like we have  a real life Gilmore Girl.” Jared pointed to Lexi looking to Jensen with an amused smile. “It’s so cute!”.

“Yeah, well when you spend twenty four hours with her uncaffeinated, with no chocolate while she is on her period, you won't think she is so cute.” He ruffled her hair as he walked passed her. “I’m going out. Jared, you coming?”

“Nah,” Jared jumped down from the counter. “I’m gonna stay here and catch up on som sleep.” After Jensen left Lexi was pouring a hot cup of fresh coffee when Jared paused behind her. “Is that my shirt?” He reached his long arm from behind her to grab something. 

“Oh, uh, I just grabbed from the dryer.”

 “Oh.” Jared stood behind her still looking at his shirt draped over her frame. “Well, if you ask me it looks much better on you.” He looked her up and down with a smirk before walking away.

Yeah, this crush thing was gonna be a problem.

Fast forward again, now to after her seventeenth birthday. While all of her friends from high school were struggling through their freshman year at university Lexi was finishing her fourth semester. Not only that but she had a steady job that she absolutely loved working with Amy in make up. Make that two steady jobs. More and more modeling gigs came her way but she did well with prioritizing her schedule. 

“You alright?” Jared asked as he walked into the house the three of them shared. 

“Yeah just working on a paper...sorta.” Lexi sat in the big black chair next to the fireplace with a throw blanket draped over her. The wind continued gusting outside as the sky turned grey. The snowstorm that was supposed to pass to the north of them had shifted and was heading for them head on. 

Jared, arms full of firewood, kicked his heavy boots off at the door and made his way to the fireplace. “I just got off the phone with Jensen.” Jared spoke, kneeling in front of the fire, tossing the wood in. “He and a few other people are gonna stay on the lot overnight because they will be filming so late. They don’t want to drive in the mess and they need to get the shots in tonight.” 

Lexi put her books down. “Will they be alright in the storm?”

“Oh, yeah.” Jared nodded. “They have generators and all that jazz up there. They will be fine. He kept going on about me making sure you were okay. He said this is your first snowstorm.” Jared looked back at her, leaning on his knees.

“I’ve been through earthquakes and hurricanes, yes. Blizzard, no.” she giggled.

“It won’t be too bad.” He said, sitting on the floor leaning against the chair. “What are you studying?” He tilted her book up.

“Sociology. And I’m more like half studying and half journaling.” She said as she shifted. “Hey, can I ask you a few questions for my paper?”

“Umm, okay?” Jared looked at her oddly with an upward tilt of his head.

“You don’t have to answer if you don't want to. They are a little personal. If you do, I’ll keep them anonymous.”

“Now I’m worried.” Jared poked fun. “Questions about what?”

“Well, we have to do a paper. On divorce…” She looked up expecting a no.

“Oh, I got you.” He said understanding her hesitation.

“And I was gonna go farther and get more detailed and not be so generic about it.”

“What do you want to know?” Jared offered. 

“You know what, never mind.” She shook her head with a lighthearted sigh. “These questions might get kind of personal. I’ll ask someone else.” She smiled, moving her blanket to stand. “I don’t want to make you feel weird or anything.”

“No,” He said as he grabbed her hand, stopping her from standing. “I really don't mind.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll go make some good ol’ fashioned cocoa and we can go over your questions.”

“Okay. I’ll set us up to we can stay warm.”

Lexi took the giant couch pillows and several blankets, setting them up by the fire. It was chilly in the house, even despite the fire. The temperature was steadily dropping and the snow had begun to fall. The wind was blowing violently and the wind gusts whistled through the trees. The overcast giving it the appearance it was later than it was out.

“The lights will probably go out at some point.” Jared said, handing Lexi her cup.

“That’s reassuring.” Lexi said sarcastically as she sipped her cocoa. “Wow, this is good!”

“My grandma used to make it when we were kids.” He said, getting comfortable. “So I Was thinking, since you are concerned about the questions being too personal, how about for every question you ask, I get to ask one as well?”

“Alright.” Lexi chuckled as she grabbed her notebook. “Sounds fair.”

“But, we have to be honest.” He added. “I’ll be 100% open as long as you are, too.”

“Okay, deal.” She nodded with a smile and a firm handshake. “First off, how did you meet?”

“On set when she was on the show.”

“I’ll just put at work.”

“My turn.” He said as if thinking hard of a question. “So, have you ever been in a real relationship?”

Lexi looked at him oddly. “Real relationship as in?” 

 “You know, like not the crush stuff but a real-”

“Oh, yeah!” Lexi said, understanding after a moment. “I have been.”

“Really?! When?”

“Uh, I was fifteen.” She nodded her head with a scratch to her cheek. “So how long were you married?”

“Four years.” He watched as she wrote. “So when you were fifteen, how long did that last?”

“A year.” 

“Wow, that’s young to be with the same person for so long.”

“I loved him.” She shrugged.

“Oh, So you’ve been in love?” He asked curious resting his arm on his knee.

“Hey, wasn’t it my question?” She giggled

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He smiled at her.

Lexi cleared her throat and adjusted her notebook. “How long into the relationship did things start to go bad?”

“About a year or so.” He answered honestly.

Lexi wrote in her notebook before looking back at him. “That soon?”

“Hard to believe but yeah.”

“This is my curiosity taking the best of me.” She fiddled with her pen.

“Okay?”

“Why did you really divorce?” Lexi exhaled with a shake of her head with a guilty expression. She knew it was a tough question. “Because I’ve known you two for a long time and you always seemed so in love. Like, make me gag in love. Then next thing I know, you two are done.” She saw his expression change and he shifted a bit. “You know what? I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer.”

“No, it’s okay, really.” He assured, looking up at her. He took a breath and leaned on his elbow on the pillow. “Of course we seemed like nothing was ever wrong. We’re actors, we fake it for a profession.” Lexi grinned at him. “But the truth is, we were never gonna make it together.” He adjusted himself again and turned to her. “See, we moved really fast in our relationship. We went from dating to engaged to married to pregnant in the blink of an eye. After things began to slow down and steady out, we both realized that we were very different people.”

 “Well, what was the turning point?” She asked,setting her book down and leaning back against the pillow.

“You’re not writing this down?”

“No, this isn’t going in my paper.”

“Why not?”

"Because, this is personal and right now we are just two friends talking.” 

“Fair enough.” He cleared his throat. “The last straw, what really made me realize how far everything had went down hill was when I found out that there was a possibility Shep may not be mine.”

“What?!” She sat back up in shock. “I’m sorry I think I misheard you. ”

“I found out Gen had been sleeping with an old buddy of mine.. After putting it all together in my head, I got a DNA test done.”

“And?” She gave an anxious wave of her hand for him to continue.

“He is mine.” He confirmed with a chuckle before clearing his throat again..“But I could never look at her the same.”

“I can understand why.”

“I filed for divorce the next day.” 

“Wow,” She gave a sympathetic chuckle. “The things you learn about a person.”  Lexi could see his guilt had never gone away about the situation. “So if she cheated, why do you feel guilty about it?” She asked, catching him off guard.

“I never said-” 

“You didn’t have to.” She sat forward pulling her knees up. “I can see it in your eyes, You still feel so guilty about it all. Why?”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Maybe if I had been home more or paid more attention, she wouldn’t have cheated. If I would have been a better husband, she wouldn’t have felt the need to go elsewhere.”

Lexi looked at him  of his answer. “Please tell me you don’t really believe that?” She scoffed. “Jared, you were home every weekend, you would spend every spare minute with her and the kids. You would run yourself ragged making sure you gave them all your time and attention. You were so loving toward Gen, so affectionate. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Gen to death, but If she felt like something was wrong or missing in your relationship, she should have womaned up and talked to you, not seek and find validation in another man's bed.”

Jared tilted his head slightly. “I-I never thought of it that way.”

“Maybe you should, instead of beating yourself up for something you didn’t even do.”

“You know what?” He shifted his gaze to her eyes. ”You’re right.” 

Jared’s eyes on her made her throat run dry. “Your turn,” She nudged his shoulder playfully, breaking him of his stare.

“Oh, right, um, so you’ve been love?” He cleared his throat. “So what happened with that?”

“He was kind of older.” 

“Older?” Jared raised his brow. “How much older?”

“I was fifteen, he was nineteen.”

“Wow, that’s a big age gap. Jensen must not have liked that at all.”

“Nope.”

“So what? He made y’all break up?”

“No, not really. Uh, Jensen noticed he, Chris, that was his name.He had a bad temper and Jensen saw that, so he was big brother about it.” She answered nonchalant but Jared could tell there was more to the story.

“So  Jay stepped in before things got out of hand?” Jared questioned. 

“Uh...” She began and then sat up straight facing Jared pushing her hair from her face. “Okay, since you were honest with me, I’ll be honest with you. Especially considering the Maury Show DNA reveal.”  She looked into his soft features rubbing her knees with her hands, her palms feeling sweaty. “Chris and I were great at first. I fell in love so fast and so hard.” She smiled at the thought. “He was sweet and kind. He treated me like a princess. Then things changed. He began acting weird, obsessive and controlling at times. When he put his hands on me the first time, I made excuses. Then I did it again and again.” She looked down at her hands in her lap. “One day, Jensen made me realize I was worth more than what Chris was giving.”

“I’m glad you noticed how amazing you are.” Jared’s voice pulled her back from the memory. Lexi shivered and wrapped her arms around herself. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just feels colder all of a sudden.” She pulled a blanket up over her lap. “It’s already dark.” The wind outside gusted harder. “Those trees near the patio won’t snap, will they?” She asked  with a worried look.

“No.” Jared chuckled. “They’ll be fine. How can someone who’s been through hurricanes be this paranoid of a snowstorm?”

“Well, with a hurricane, I don't have to worry about freezing to death. Or an avalanche burying us under one hundred feet of snow.”

The house went dark and Lexi reached a hand out, grabbing Jared’s arm. “It’s okay.” He said, taking her hand. “Remember, I told you the lights would go out?”

She looked over at him. “You think this is funny, don’t you?”

“No, but I do think it’s kind of cute.” He confessed. “I’ll go get flashlights and candles.” 

The sound of movement up the stairs made her pause. “What was that?”

“Probably tree branches rubbing against the house.” Just then there was a thud. “A branch or tree limb fell on the roof.” He quickly assured as he stood up.

“You know 90% of horror movies start out this way.” She told him standing with him. “A big storm, lights  go out. Guy leaves girl alone for two minutes then next thing you know she is gutted and hanging from chandelier.”

Jared gave a laugh. “You have an overactive imagination.”

“Or the guy guy gets stabbed at the top of the stairs and falls over the banister to his death.” Jared looked at her intently trying not to laugh.  “I’ve seen a few horror flicks, so I know how it works.” 

“I’m not gonna get stabbed and you’re not gonna get gutted, You’re just scared. Besides, if there would be a murderer out there I’d handle it.” He shrugged with a playful grin. “Besides, I’ve been in a horror movie or two.”

“Umm, Didn’t you die?!”

“Touche.” He nodded his head. “I’ll be right back.” 

“You’re not supposed to say that you know!” She shouted as he walked away.

Lexi wrapped herself in a blanket and shivered again at the sounds of the wind outside. When Jared returned, he had more blankets, a few more pillows, and some flashlights and candles. He sat across from her and pulled out a bag of marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers.

“What’s all this?” She asked picking up the back of marshmallows.

“I had an idea.” Jared said as he fixed the pillows and blankets for himself. “When I was a kid, my brother and I always went camping. I remember one weekend it poured down all weekend.” He continued as he placed a marshmallow on a roasting stick. “He didn’t want to let me down because he knew how much I wanted to go camping. So he started the fireplace in our living room and we camped out in the house and made s’mores in the fireplace.”

“That sounds really sweet.” She said, taking the marshmallow from him and placing it between the graham crackers.

“I thought it would keep your mind occupied.” He handed her a piece of chocolate.

“So, you think you’ll ever get married again?” Lexi asked, biting into her s’more.

“I don’t know, maybe.” Jared shrugged. “I haven’t really thought about it much.” He nibbled his own s’more. “I’ve been on dates and crap but nothing ever went far.”

“How come?”

“Just never clicked with anyone. It’s hard to explain.”

“Actually, I get it. It was like that with Spencer.” She glanced down. “We got along great as friends and we had physical chemistry, but beneath the surface, nothing.”

“So, why did you almost have sex with him?” Jared asked, catching Lexi off guard with his tone. 

“I was never going to. I mean, he tried to talk me into it but-” She paused for a minute then looked back at Jared. “He knew it wasn’t gonna happen.”

“When I walked in on y’all, it looked like more than making out.”

“Jealous much?” She poked fun.

“No, I’m not, I just. You know, I don’t remember this being so messy.” Jared said nipping the melted marshmallow from his hand, changing the subject.

“Well, what did you expect? It’s basically melted sugar.”  She looked at him and laughed again. “You have it all over your chin.” She pointed. He attempted to wipe it but only made it worse. “Come here.” She said, leaning in.

She wiped the sweetness from his chin and lip letting her thumb linger over his bottom lip a little longer than she needed to. His lips felt so soft,  like rose petals. When she realized he was staring at her, his breath shallow, she left her hand fall from his face and her cheeks got warm as she looked away. Jared reached and tucked her hair behind her ear.

“What is it?” He asked observing her.

“Nothing.” A quick head shake was all she gave.

“Then why do you look nervous?” He lifted his brow and swallowed hard. “Did I do something?”

“No, no.” She said quickly. “Not at all. I- It’s just me being weird. Don’t worry about it.” She shook her head again and waved her hand dismissing his concern.

“Don’t get all bashful on me now.” He smiled at her with a small playful nudge to her arm.

“I’m not bashful.”

“Then why are your cheeks red?” He smiled and brought a hand to her face and let his thumb caress her cheek. Jared saw her breath hitch at his touch. “I’m sorry.” He let his hand fall. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” His hand rested on top of hers.

“No. Not at all.” SHe looked up finally meeting his eyes. “Opposite actually.”

In that moment, looking into her eyes he knew. He knew that all of the little feeling he had, all the little signs he was picking up on, weren’t in his head. She moved her hand, letting their fingers dance alone each other as she looked at her small hand in his. He lifted his other hand and tilted her head up to meet his gaze, his thumb caressing over her lips.

Without another thought, he leaned in and grazed his lips over hers. She welcomed the gently presser as she leaned into him. Their hearts pounded together in a moment of release that made the world stand still. Jared pushed the kiss farther, parting her lips with his. His tongue grazing her bottom lip. She kissed back making him deepened the kiss even more, sliding his tongue past her lips, tasting her. Satisfying a curiosity he denied he’d wanted.

Lexi’s heart was pounding in her chest, making her feel breathless. His touch was exciting every nerve in her body as he brought his other hand to cup her cheek. Jared’s phone made a loud sound as a weather alert came in, startling the two of them, making them jump apart. Jared grabbed his phone shutting off the alert then turning his attention to Lexi. She had her hands barely touching her lips looking as if in shock.

His mind started racing as the reality of what had just happened began to settle in his mind.“I’m sorry.” He said quickly. “ I-I shouldn’t have done that.” Jared stood.“I’m really sorry.” He walked towards the kitchen. 

Lexi quickly got to her feet snapping out of her euphoria. “Jared, wait!”

 “I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t-”

“Jared, it’s okay.” She reached to touch his arm. “I didn’t exactly push you away.”

Jared moved from her touch. “Doesn’t matter. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”

The kitchen was dim, illuminating only when flashes of lightning struck around them. Lexi could still make out Jared’s features as he kept her at arm’s length. Jared ran his hands through his hair again as he tried to calm his mind. 

“Jared, it’s okay.” She crossed her arms in front of her. “I’m not mad or anything.”

“Yeah, well, you should be.” 

“Why, because you let yourself do what you’ve been wanting to do? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

The sound of shattering glass behind Lexi made her jump as Jared lunged forward, pulling her away from the sound. He spun her around as another crash sounded and ice and snow began beating down against them.

“Are you okay?!” Jared asked, looking at Lexi.

She nodded her head, unsure what had just happened. “Where are you going?!” She shouted after him as he disappeared through the kitchen door. 

The sound of window panels sliding shut along the glass area of the kitchen echoed through the house. Lexi jumped as they locked in place. Jared emerged, soaking wet a moment later.

“Are you crazy?! Why did you go out there?!” Lexi shouted at Jared. 

“I forgot we had the the window panels here.” Jared said plainly as he wiped the rain and snow from his face.

Lexi grabbed a towel and handed it to him. “Here. I’ll go get the broom.”

Lexi began sweeping up the glass as Jared walked back into the kitchen with a flashlight and another broom. They swept in silence while they cleaned the mess of glass. Neither knew what to say to the other in that moment. Jared kept glancing up at Lexi, pausing here and there as if he were about to start speaking, but he never did. He knew he shouldn’t have kissed her, especially in the intimate way he did, but that didn’t stop his heart from pounding when their lips met. It didn’t change the way he felt when he had her so close he could literally taste her. Just the thought of it made his throat run dry and his stomach flutter. 

As he swept the last bit into the dustpan, his flashlight caught a small tint of red on the floor. Pointing the flashlight directly at the smear on the floor, he looked at his arms and hands but saw nothing. “Lexi?” 

“Yeah?” She asked as she dumped the contents of her dustpan into the trash.

“Did you step on glass or something?” Jared asked, shining his light on her.

“What? No.” She looked at her bare feet.

“Oh my God!” Jared closed the space between them quickly. “You pants are full of blood!”

“What?! Where?!” Lexi looked down and saw a blotch of wet red on her outer thigh.

“Come on.” Jared grabbed her elbow sitting her down in the chair. “Sit, I’ll grab the first aid kit.”

She did as she was told and Jared made quick work of getting the first aid kit. Both flashlights were directed to her leg as Jared assessed the wound. He tried to see the area but couldn’t quite get a good look. “Umm, lets get by the fireplace to I have more light.” Jared stood, extending his hand. After she sank on the seat next to the fireplace, Jared was able to see better as he dabbed the area. Noticing how long the cut actually was he grabbed more gauze. “Take off your pants.”

“What?!” She asked almost in panic.

Jared looked up at her and saw her reaction, then chuckled. “To get to the cut better.”

“Oh, right.” She shook her head feeling like an idiot.

Jared saw her wince when she began maneuvering out of her jeans. “Here, Let me help you.” He said, taking the top of her jeans and sliding them down her legs.

“Ouch!” She hissed as he went passed the gash in her leg.

“I’m sorry.” He tossed her ruined pants to the side and began to clean the cut. “I don’t think you’ll need stitches, but it will hurt for a bit. Looks like you have a shard of glass in there still.” He took a tweezer from the first aid kit and handed a flashlight to Lexi. “Can you hold this just like that?” She took the light and watched him. “This may hurt, so don't hit me.”  As he pulled the glass from her leg, she muttered a curse. “Got it.” He stated as he held pressure on her leg.

“Thanks.” She said, looking at him as he made sure there was no more glass in the wound. “Where did you learn how to do this?”

“Do what?” He asked continuing to clean her cut.

“The first aid stuff.”

“Oh, I have kids remember.” He looked up from where he was kneeling with a small smile.

He finished with the bandage and she stood. “I’m gonna go get some clothes not drenched in blood.” 

“Yeah. I should probably get out of these wet clothes myself.” He stood. “Need a hand?”

“Thanks, but I got it.” She smiled walking away. 

Jared turned to speak then paused for a moment before he decided to talk. “Lexi?” She stopped at the bottom step and looked his way. “Not to sound like a perv but,” He gave a nervous chuckle. “Are you wearing Pearl Jam panties?”

She looked down at her underwear and smiled. “Yeah. Hot Topic.” She said then continued up the stairs wobbly.

Just down the hall Jared dressed and looked at himself in the mirror for a second. Shaking his head he huffed before walking out. He had never been so confused in his life. He knew the difference between right and wrong but the lines turned blurry when it came to Lexi. Shaking his thoughts once more, he blew out the candles and left the bathroom. When he got downstairs, she was already nestled on the pillows under the big blanket journal in her lap. 

 “How’s your leg?” He asked, sitting across from her.

“Throbbing, but I’ll live.” She said looking up from her journal.She watched him as he stared at the flames in the fireplace. She could see the thoughts running through his mind, the guilt on his face. “What are you thinking?”

“That you were right.” He avoided looking at her. “That was something I’ve been wanting to do.” He kept his head down with what seemed like shame. “I-I know it’s wrong and I know -”

“Who says it’s wrong? “

“The law.” Jared said bluntly.

“Not in Texas.” She said matter of factly. “I��m legal.”

“No, you aren’t. It’s not the same. Laws like the Romeo and Juliet law only apply if we had an established relationship before one of us turned eighteen. Or if I’m  only  at a maximum three years older than you and I’m a far cry for both.” Letting his hands fall to his side he let out a defeated sigh. “But knowing that doesn’t change how you make me feel.”

“Well, how do I make you feel?” She asked wanting to know exactly what was going through his mind. Jared looked at her with a smile then stood up. “Where are you going?”

“To make a drink.” His voice faded as he walked away.

“Now?!” She looked towards the darkness where his voice faintly came from. “You need to make yourself a drink now?!”

He reemerged with a glass and a bottle of Gentleman's Jack. “Yes, now.” He began as he poured a bit in the glass. “Because we should not be talking about this.” He took a sip and looked back at her. “But I, for the life of me, can’t -” He paused.

“Can’t what?” She looked at him waiting for him to finish his sentence.

He poured more into the glass and gave a soft chuckle before drinking it again.“You're beautiful.” He blurted out. “You are beautiful and smart. You have your head screwed on tight, you are so well balanced. At seventeen, your future is paved and you did all the work.” He downed a third glass of the amber drink. “You’re kind and sweet. You are amazing with the kids, which is very impressive, by the way.” He pointed a finger, glass still in hand then poured more of the pretty liquid before taking another long sip. “You are determined, and you know what you want and you go for it. You fight for it.” He downed another and made a small noise as he cleared his throat. Lexi was looking at him, confused because she had never seen Jared drink liquor quickly before, yet, he was pouring another.

“Okay! Enough with the liquid courage.” She placed her hand over the glass. 

“You are incredible. I cannot get you out of my head. I know I shouldn’t think of you the way I do, but I have no control over it. It’s-It’s everything. The way you walk, the way you talk, your laugh, your smile. The way you do that little hair twirling thing when you’re thinking or concentrating. I have tried so hard to talk myself out of having feelings for you. But it never worked.”

Lexi reached and grabbed the glass from Jared’s hand and threw it back before Jared could protest. “What are you doing?!” He asked, taking the glass from her.

“Okay,” she ran a hand over her face. “So, I wasn’t imagining it all?” She looked up at Jared. “The flirting and the smiles, the- the little smirks and touches? It wasn’t all in my head because of a stupid crush?”

 “Guess not.” He looked at her with another little smirk.

“And here I am thinking I’ve read way too many Jane Austen novels.”

“Good to know the feeling’s mutual.” He reached and poured a bit more whiskey into the glass handing it to he.

“You have no idea.” Lexi drank the contents of the glass and looked at Jared. “So. What now?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, taking the glass from her. “We can’t do anything about it. And don’t tell anyone I gave you alcohol.”

Lexi looked down at her hands in her lap and thought for a moment. Her mind was playing out scenario after scenario. “But, what if,” She spoke, taking a deep breath. “What if- what if I said I wanted you to kiss me again?” Although she was hesitant, she reached for his hand, lacing their fingers. “What if I kissed you?” She leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips, which made it impossible for him to think straight. He felt a rush run through his veins as the scent of honey and vanilla washed over him. Pulling back for a breath, he pressed his forehead to hers. Lifting his gaze he saw the want in her eyes. More than want, a need. Her eyes pulled him in like gravity. 

Jared wasn’t aware just how much Lexi wanted him. He didn’t know that the building feelings he felt were just as strong in her. Lexi never took a risk, she never closed her eyes and jumped, but Jared made her want to. And now, with the way Jared’s hand fit into hers, the way he lingered so close, all she wanted was him. So when he grazed his lips over hers again, she let him take over. He kissed her with a passion she’d never felt before as she brought her hand up and tangled it in his chestnut locks. 

Jared let his hands wander. He touched her body for the first time, caressing down the curves of her body, gripping her here and there. She leaned back against the pillows, never breaking their kiss, pulling him onto her. Jared easily crawled on top of her and settled between her legs. Lexi could feel the bulge between them growing and she could feel Jared retaining his hips. She lifted her leg and draped it over his hip, giving a little thrust up. Jared broke the kiss with a gasp as he laid his forehead to hers again. He gently caressed her cheek with his fingers, looking down at her. 

“We can’t.” His voice slightly graveled. “But, God, I want you.”

Lexi reached up a hand and pushed his hair away from his shimmering eyes. The dim light from the fire making the sparkle like stars in twilight. “It’s okay.” Her voice was barely a whisper as she assured him. “I’m telling you it's okay.” 

“You sure?” He was hesitant, thinking about every move.

“I Trust you.”

Jared snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her down more. He brought a hand up to her shirt hem and lifted a bit, sliding his hand under the fabric. His hand, although big, was gentle to the touch as he caressed her skin. Lexi’s skin felt like it was on fire his finger tips lazily dragging along her newly naked skin as he peeled off layer by layer of her clothes. Only breaking their kisses long enough to get articles out of the way. They pulled at one another’s clothing between passionate exchanges with their lips till they were bare, pressed against one another. She felt Jared’s  member against her opening.

“You’ll tell me, if,  if you want me to stop?”

She didn’t answer. She simply pulled him into another long kiss wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Carefully He lined himself up  at her opening feeling himself throb in his own hands. She was soaked to the touch and he’d only kissed her. With a gentle, controlled push he rocked his hips forward. Lexi gripped his shoulders tight, burying her face in the crook of his neck. A cried managed to escape her as  He pushed, slow and gentle, not stopping till till he filled her passage completely. She was hot and tight  around him. Jared wanted to pull out and slam back in again, but he knew he needed to wait for her body to relax. She was tense, the burning pain of his vast length taking her breath from her. The pain brought tears to her eyes and she fought to keep them from falling.  He began to move slowly inside of her and her body tensed again as she let her head fallback onto the pillow, taking a deep breath forcing herself to keep calm.

 With his head resting on her shoulder he focused on not rushing. His primal sense wanted to hold her in place and slam into her  until he reached his peak. To enjoy having himself buried inside of a beautiful woman. But more than that He wanted to make this moment last as long as he could. He knew this was a fleeting moment that he’d never get again. The only time he would have to put into physical action what he felt, what she made him feel. 

The burning of him stretching her easing with each movement. Soon she was able to relax enough to meet the thrusts of his hips. Although relaxed now, she kept a tight hold on Jared. The feeling of being in his arms this way heightened the entire moment. His lips on her as he moaned into her mouth. All she could do was grip his shoulders and pull at his sweat dampened hair.  She could feel the hot sensation growing in her abdomen as she wrapped her legs around Jared. His hips moved perfectly to caress her sweet spot with each thrust and grind of his pelvis. He held on to her as if she were his life source. He gripped her hips and legs so tightly as if he was afraid to lose an inch of contact. He pulled at body the harder he buried himself inside her feeling the wetness drip between their legs. Jared’s hips began to stutter as Lexi’s head fell back onto the pillows, breathless. Jared entwined their fingers, sliding her hands upwards, panting and moaning in her ear. 

Lexi couldn’t compose herself any longer as her orgasm peaked and Jared bucked his hips harder and harder. She arched her back into him, his hand grasping her hips as he rode out his own wave of pleasure. Pressing his lips to hers tasting her kiss as they came together in an explosion of ecstasy.

Next Chapter>

Tags: @saxxxyjared  @xostephanie

#SPNFamily #SPN #supernatural #fanfic #Jared Padalecki #Jensen Ackles #Sam Winchester #dean winchester #lexi ackles #JaredxOFC #OFC #love is blind

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #242

“i don’t miss you, i miss the misery.”

How many pairs of converse shoes do you own? Hm... three or four? Any other names your parents planned to give you? The only one I *think* I remember is Katelyn. Thank fuck I dodged that bullet. Which is the most beautiful place you know? The mountains between NC and TN, if I remember correctly. I was very young. What do you work with? I don't work period & I hate it. Have you ever hit an animal with your car? Thank Christ no. Favorite ride at the amusement park? I guess ferris wheels. Favorite beauty essential in your bathroom cabinet? I don't have a "favorite" considering I don't use any regularly. Do you have many followers on your Tumblr? Nah. Do you tan easily? I burn like toast, man. Are you expecting something in the mail? No. Do you inspire others? Idk. What do you collect? Meerkat stuff and Silent Hill merch. Do you like cats? Hell yes!!! Are you healthy? If you excuse my weight and muscle atrophy, I'm actually pretty healthy, according to a billion tests I've gotten done when trying to discover *why* I had such awful pain in my legs. Have you ever been out of state? Yeah. Can you always blame your acts on that you were just too drunk? Fuck no. Three things you try to avoid as much as possible: Well dying lmao, getting hurt, public speaking. How many times have you been overseas? Zero. Do you use to have someone in mind when shopping for underwear? Wait what the fuck- What accent do you have? I don't really have one, although I do have a southern tone with some words sometimes I suppose. I also do say things like "y'all" or "fixing to (do something)," so I use some Southern terminology. Where would you like to live? The mountains of western NC. Sigh. Do you follow fashion? No. Do you have a big butt? Ever heard of Hank Hill Ass Syndrome? I have Hank Hill Ass Syndrome. Your worst job nightmare is: Customer service EVER again. Who’s the coolest rapper in the world? Idk and idc. Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? I mean yeah, I think anniversaries are worth celebration. Healthy relationships aren't always easy to maintain; to remain in love takes forgiveness, loyalty, dedication... all that. It shouldn't be hard, but it takes effort. Have you graduated? High school, anyway. Rihanna or Lady Gaga? Lady Gaga, definitely. Do you use fake eyelashes? No. What’s your worst interior design nightmare: I dunno. Probably just being very crammed? What makeup brands do you use? I don't have any particular ones; I don't wear makeup enough. What’s the worst kind of rejection you could give someone? I genuinely feel it to be how Jason did so with me. Three and a half years in a very serious relationship, and he out of the blue breaks up with me over Facebook because my depression became "too much." Like by NOW I understand I can't shame him for wanting to be happy, but the way he did it was fucking cruel and tore me apart. Like especially when this person was your refuge from daily pain and pretty much your god and future (never make someone that, holy holy HOLY shit don't), that individual just suddenly having enough and breaking contact off like that was emotional murder. Do you have a crush on someone right now? Well yeah, but it's like... a "tamed" one? Is that an accurate word? Like I understand it just can't work right now, but it doesn't stop me from liking her. Is there anyone that many people think is hot, but you don’t? I'm sure there's someone. Do you sort and organize your clothes in some kind of way? Sorta. When somebody intimidates you, how do you usually act around them? Nervous, skittish, more awkward than usual. Is your favorite singer in a band or does he or she ride solo? Brendon Urie is in P!atD and Patrick Stump is in Fall Out Boy. Freddie Mercury was the vocalist of Queen. Did your parents ever hang your old artwork up on the walls? Yeah, Mom still has some up lmao. How often do you wear chapstick? Only when my lips are actually chapped. Do you walk around your house with your shoes on or do you take them off? Definitely off. What is the weirdest obsession you’ve ever had? Collecting stickers, maybe? How many of the seven deadly sins have you fulfilled today? Sloth is on the daily lmao, gluttony, and lust. Should guys always kiss the girl on a first date? Not always, of course not. It depends on the comfort level, and I would ALWAYS ask first. Which band has the corniest music videos? Corniest lyrics? I don't really watch music videos, and idk about lyrics. What subject is/was hardest for you in school? Math. Have any songs ever inspired you to play an instrument? No. Do you ever use Pandora? No. Are you better with creative writing or writing essays? I think I'm good at both, but I probably excel in creative writing. When was the last time you were rick rolled? No clue. What is the weirdest animal you’ve ever seen as a pet? Seen, I guess a chinchilla, though that's not really "weird." If you had to change one, would you rather change your hair or your eyes? Eyes. When was the last time you had a ‘she-mergency’? I had to look this up to be certain what that even was lmao. Probably some time I started my period at school and had to use folded toilet paper or something for a while. Which sounds creepier: sleeping in the attic or the basement? I'd say it depends on the make-up of each and its cleanliness. What was your favorite computer game as a kid? I think it was called The Amazon Trail 3? It was a damaged disc however, so it froze a lot. I think I only finished it once or twice; even knowing it would likely crash, I just liked playing it as far as I could. Have you ever tried on your mom’s wedding ring? No. Any shows on TV that you flat out refuse to start watching? 13 Reasons Why, to name perhaps the #1. What is your opinion on fruitcake? NO. Here’s a tough one. Would you rather marry your cousin or a dog? Oh fuck off, neither. Who did you last dream about? I can't remember what it was about, but I know Mark was in it lmao. Do you have trouble remembering important things? Sometimes. My memory is atrocious. Which animal can you imitate the best? Audibly? Probably a cat. Which is harder - walking in the snow or sand? Sand. I FUCKING hate walking through sand. It's one reason I don't like the beach. Do you like sour candy? oml YES. If anyone, who did you sit with at lunch today? N/A Have you gotten any injuries lately? If so, what and how? Not anything I can remember. Are you a clumsy person? You have no idea. How about disorganized? I'm oddly split down the middle. Last male you talked to in person? My dad. Have you ever had a sunburn? Oh boy, I've gotten past that. Try sun poisoning. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? PINK! Chocolate or strawberry milk? Oh boy, chocolate. I tried strawberry as a child and absolutely loathed it beyond words known to man, and I will not be giving it a second chance. I remember it pristinely. Disgusting. What volume is the ringer on your phone? It's on vibrate. Have you ever won a contest on the radio? No. Do you often write on yourself? I never do, 'less we're talking about tattoos lol. Is there writing on the shirt you are currently wearing? No. Frosted flakes or frosted mini wheats? I hate the latter, so I guess frosted flakes, though I don't really remember how they taste. Do mushrooms really add flavor to food? I hate them, so they obviously have enough flavor for me to notice them... What about onions? Yes. Are you a fan of Thai food? I've actually never had Thai food. How about Indian food? Same as above. Have you ever tried sushi? No. In your opinion, who would be the best president? I don't know. What was the last thing you spent more than $20 on? I have no ide- oh wait I paid for Teddy's surgery with... money I don't know from whence it came? Was it financial aid money? Idr. Do you wear actual designated ‘pajamas’ to bed? Pj pants and a tank top. When was the last time you were tempted to do something you’d later regret? Probably take a nap late in the day, ending in me being unable to sleep well at night. Thankfully, I decided against it. Have you ever had feelings for your best friend’s significant other? Yes. Well, not current best friend, but a former one. How many times did you ride in a car today? Zero. Are you comfortable in your own skin? Fuck no. What's absolutely splendid is even when/if I lose the weight I aim to, I'm going to have loose skin that literally might make me hate my body more until I without argument muster up the money to get it surgically removed. Are you in a good mood right now? I'm alright. When was the last time you had an ice cream cone? Been quite a while. Did you eat breakfast this morning? Yeah, had some cereal. Have you ever been in a cemetery at midnight? No. Do you live on your own? No. I don't even think I could tolerate living alone because of my depression and how loneliness can severely trigger it. I'm realistically probably not moving out until it'll be with an s/o. If not, who do you live with? I live with my mom, my sister's dog, and my cat and snake. How old are your siblings, if you have any? I have a lot, and I don't know the ages of all of them, only my two immediate sisters: 26 and 21. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend? No. Have you donated blood in the last 2 years? No. What was the last free t-shirt you received from? School. Is there anything you are looking forward to at the moment? February 4th, baby. Tattoo gets fixed up by an artist I like far more. Him not having an open booking until then should say enough. Are you an atheist? No. Are you Asian? No. Are you fluent in another language? No. Are you in the military? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Are you an artist? Not professional, but I enjoy making art. Are you a musician? No. Are you an athlete? Oh, hunny- Do you have a favorite flower? I really like orchids. Where was the last place you went that was more than an hour away? Great question... The trip to my therapist is about an hour, but not over. Why were you going there? For therapy. Who was the last person to tell you you looked nice? Probably Mom, idk. Have you ever been to a nude beach? Hell no, I wouldn't even if I was in great shape. How many websites do you have an account for? WHEW I have no idea, A LOT over all the years. Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? Well, WoW is an online game, so a subscription, though because I obviously don't have my own money, I'm sadly rich enough in the game to use monthly tokens. Do you try clothes on before you buy them? Not always. I try to avoid it because I just hate doing it. What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? Well I obviously don't know how I'd react on impulse, but I'd imagine myself locking my door and then climbing out the window. Then run like a motherfucker up the road some to a neighbor's, or hide in the nearby woods and call Mom. What’s your favorite type of pizza? Meat lovers sobs in wannabe-vegetarian. Have you ever been afraid of falling in love? Yes, very. Who’d you last see in a tux? I don't know. Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? No. Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words? Yeah, particularly "breakfast." I tend to put a "t" after the "k." Do you have your own computer? Yeah. Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? My mom. Who’s the bravest person you know? Oh man, that's hard. I know a lot of brave people. Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? More than anyone in the world, Mom. Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute? Yeah. Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? No. Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? By this point in time, I consider how I spoke to Jason before going to the ER multiple times absolutely terrible, and yes, it did take a very long time for me to realize just how cruel it was. Now it's fucking HARD to accept I ever said what I did. Have you ever read Shakespeare? Yes. Can anyone really change anyone that doesn’t wanna change? Nope. Do you think that anyone currently has a crush on you? I would assume Sara still does, but again, we know a relationship between us just isn't wise right now. What profession do you admire the most? The most? Man, that's hard to decide. Probably those that risk their lives for others, like firefighters, cops (yes, I am aware some abuse their power, but good cops deserve all the respect in the world), etc. Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? I don't believe so, no. What’s the hardest lesson you’ve ever had to learn? Bad things happen to good people and no, the universe does not care. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Well obviously.

#survey #questions #quiz #random #bored

[microsoft-boi]

Hallelujah | Chapter Two

summary: Not all relationships are perfect, and not all of them can last forever. Some relationships don't have to last. Sometimes, it's enough just to be able to call someone your friend for the rest of eternity.

pairing(s): platonic AND a little romantic royality, background analogical and qpr dukeceit if you squint

warnings for this chapter: none that i know of, lemme know if theres something i should tag!

word count: 1,254

a/n: im not particularly proud of this chapter, but its what i have, so yall are gonna have to deal with it. i think you'd be surprised when i say i spent three or more weeks on this. im a huge procrastinator, shhh

Previous | Next

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Roman whined in pain when we was woken up the next morning by an annoying alarm. He pried his eyes open and turned on the alarm on his phone before turning back over in bed and burying his face into his pillow. About five minutes later he finally woke up and slipped himself out of the red blankets, making his way out of his room to start off his day. Hopefully, it wouldn't be too chaotic today at work. The usual wasn't too chaotic, but days like today weren't very necessarily calm either.

After grabbing a small bag and clean clothes to change into Roman went into his bathroom and took a quick shower, mostly only to wake him up further. Coffee was his go-to but honestly, he wasn't feeling it for coffee today. Roman didn't want to make his already growing headache even worse with vast amounts of sugar and sweetener. While it wasn't so good for his headache, he also knew it would be best if he started to lay off all of the sugar he was constantly eating and drinking. When you work part-time at a mini bakery you pretty much live off of sweets.

Once Roman finished freshening up for the rest of the day he realized that it was only 10:40, so instead of running straight out the door he sat down on his couch and scrolled through his phone for a bit. He had an alarm set for the time he should leave anyway so he didn't bother spending most of the time staring at the clock hanging above his TV. 

The alarm set on his phone went off about half an hour later. Roman stood up from his spot on the couch and walked over to the front door of his apartment, putting on his light jacket and out the door he went.

Since the bakery wasn't that far away Roman could easily walk there without being totally exhausted when he got there, so he decided that it would be nice for him to walk there today. Roman didn't usually get to walk to many places since he lived a little far from any kind of shops, stores, any businesses, etc.

The walk there wasn't very interesting. That was the sad part about living where he did. All there was is a small park right next to his apartment, a couple of other houses scattered around, and mostly empty roads. Somehow, though, the sky was always just enough to set off that creative spark in Roman's head and that was all he looked for now. When he first had to move out of his parent's house he was really disappointed. Roman's parent's house had a truly breath-taking view from the balcony and it was absolutely beautiful. Especially since they lived on the side of a mountain. Gosh, and the sunset and sunrise were always the best. Right before they had dinner the entire family would go over to the large window at the side of the house and stare as the sun went down, and Roman would always sketch out little bits and pieces of their surroundings as it turned darker and darker. 

Roman snapped himself out of his little flashback as he reached his workplace. He stepped inside, the tiny bell just above the door ringing softly. A boy popped out of the door that leads back into the kitchen, waving towards Roman with a perky smile.

"Morning, Ro! Vee's waiting for you in the backroom!" He said, sneaking back into the kitchen without another word or glance at the other.

Roman smiled at him despite not being able to see it anymore. He started to make his way over to the kitchen and slipped off his jacket, replacing it with a pastel yellow and pink apron. Roman quickly stepped out of the kitchen and went to the back room, where he expected Virgil to be standing there with an expecting glare or scowl. Nothing out of the ordinary really. 

What was surprising was that Virgil wasn't the one standing in the spot he usually would. Instead, however, it was another coworker, who's name tag read "Wallace Pine". They were smiling up brightly at Roman, which sort of scared him, holding a red rose in their hands. Roman hesitantly took it in his own. Without another blink he was dragged off to another part of the room, being handed an assortment of colored roses and cards. At the other end of the room, Virgil stood, holding a button in his hand. The other hand was stuffed in his jacket pocket, which Roman didn't pay much mind to.

Once he was pulled right in front of Virgil he stopped abruptly, a surprised yet confused look stuck to Roman's face as he stared directly into the others' eyes. Virgil only laughed. That only confused Roman even further.

"Chill, dude, I'm not firing you or anything. This does sorta seem like something I'd do to fire someone though, doesn't it?" He asked, still chuckling softly.

"I-Uh-"

"Shut up and listen."

Roman snapped his mouth shut. Virgil cleared his throat to speak.

"So, lately you've seemed super stressed out about college and all that, so we talked about some stuff and we're gonna give you an extra day off, just so you can get some extra rest so you can work properly for the next couple of weeks," Virgil explained, handing the pin over to Roman to take. "And congrats, I guess. You made it through college and you don't have to ever go back to that hellhole again." Roman laughed, taking the pin and sticking it to his apron. "To keep it shorter so we can get back to work, you've done surprisingly well for a stressed college student just starting to graduate and finally get a life. This is somewhat of a way to say goodbye too, I guess. I've realized you might not come back because you may actually have a life now."

Roman dropped his smile, picking at the flowers in his hands. "I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. I promise, dude," He said, smirking at Virgil. "I'm gonna stay here for a little while longer while I try to look for a job that doesn't think I look like a tall twelve-year-old."

Virgil laughed again, patting Roman on the shoulder. "Well, no matter what happens, we just wanna make sure you're happy and doing alright. When you do leave, give us a call every now and then, alright?"

"Of course."

Virgil stood silent for a moment, glancing over to a small box covered in pink wrapping paper and a gold bow stuck to the top of the box. He walked over to it and picked it up, walking back over to Roman.

"We made this for you. It's full of old photos and your old apron is stuck in there somewhere," Virgil said, handing the box over. Roman rested the roses on top of the box and took it in his arms. "Now you go take the rest of the day off. You deserve it, man. And before you try to protest, we got this. I'm gonna be working for you today. I'll make sure to tell your usual customers that you're off today for graduation."

Roman nodded, a soft smile taking over his features as he stared down at the box. "Thanks, Emo Nightmare."

"Shut up and go before I change my mind."

"Okay, okay! I'm leaving!"

#hallelujah fic #royality #analogical #sanders sides #roman sanders #virgil sanders #deceit sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #dukeceit #qpr dukeceit #patton writes

[rpmemesyo]

Spyro 3 sentence starters

“We managed to capture the eggs, your highness.”

“Maybe you will amount to something after all.”

“Go guard the tunnels. Stop anyone from coming through!”

“Where are the eggs?”

“You’re our only chance.”

“You won’t like me when I’m angry.”

“I just found one of those portal thingamajigs that leads to a different world!”

“I saw something shiny in that cave over there. Let’s go check it out!”

“Let me catch my breath and I’ll kick that other guy’s butt.”

“Thanks for the help, but I think I would have worn him down in a minute.”

“Have you seen any of our giant chickens?”

“I’m sorry, that was the ugliest chicken I’ve ever seen.”

“I found this gladiator training arena and it makes a pretty cool skate park!”

“Your kind-hearted nature might be your downfall someday.”

“I hope you appreciate this favor I’m doing in letting you out.”

“No hard feelings, eh?”

“Dragons used to rule this entire world, you know.”

“The weird thing is, after they left all the magic in the world just sorta went with them.”

“They say this world used to have magic coming out the wazoo! Flying ships, singing forests, wishing stones, you name it!”

“Let’s play a joke! Take this egg and smash it on __’s house, ok?”

“Look out, it’s the scaaary sorceress!”

“Come back when you’ve finished witch school!”

“Is it just me, or is __ kinda cute when they’re angry?”

“I’m late for a dinner party at the Tiki Lodge.”

“If I can’t find where they’ve hidden their heads, they won’t let me join the Tiki Lodge.”

“Take this egg as a sign of your honorary membership in the lodge.”

“My friends borrowed the rhynocs’ submarine. Then they took it for a joyride, and then they smashed it into a big pile of rocks.”

“The rhynocs have built a fortress on our beach and we’re going to blow it to smithereens!”

“Wow! I can’t believe I survived that blast!”

“__ has challenged us to a naval battle. Our speed boat versus his nuclear shark submarine.”

“I’ll never see a rainbow again.”

“Our sun has gone out. We can make a new one with our lava fusion cauldron and three sun seeds.”

“Why haven’t you disposed of that infernal dragon!?”

“I’ve tried to scare him off, but he’s just not afraid of anything!”

“Why have I been training you all these years!?”

“Use some magic!”

“Kill him?”

“This wussy green toad will be no match for the two of us!”

“You’ve managed to survive longer than I expected.”

“The rumors of our extinction were slightly exaggerated. We just wanted a little peace and quiet.”

“Without your leadership we didn’t put up an effective resistance.”

“I’ve captured the enemy rations. They won’t march far on an empty stomach.”

“There is no yeti here, and there never was! He was just a myth. As far as you know.”

“Why’d you have to scare her off?”

“I haven’t been able to hit a dang thing all morning.”

“Behind this door is the single greatest show on earth!”

“Oh I sure wish I had a partner. Someone courageous and strong and handsome and… purple… who breathes fire.”

“That’s ok, it didn’t hurt as much as it looked.”

“The world breathlessly awaits my brilliant four-dimensional masterpiece.”

“Well there’s no shame in losing to the master… At least not much shame.”

“Oh no, he’s started his bone dance again!”

“You’re not gonna believe this, but there are sheep saucers and space cows all over this place!”

“He swore to destroy whoever lights the tea lamps. Better you than me.”

“I’m off to kick butt.”

“No more Haiku… please!”

“I’m sure you would succeed if you were to try again.”

“You bumbling, idiotic, worthless fool!”

“__ is planning a trap for you, and if she catches you… believe me, you don’t want to know what she’s going to do.”

“The first rejuvenating breath of freedom!”

“It’d be really cool if you smashed that boulder.”

“Some bear sold us a laser defense system.”

“__ and I were having a snowman building competition when the sorceress brought them to life with a spell.”

“That dumb yeti took my ball!”

“As you probably know, Frozen Altars is the birthplace of the great sport of cat hockey.”

“Dere be more ghosts in dis here shipyard den I kin shake me pick at!”

“They said you’re slower than a Molten Crater fire slug. I stuck up for you, though! I told them I’ve seen some pretty fast fire slugs.”

“You schooled ‘em like a bunch of dizzy, one-toed sand gnorcs!”

“Did you bring any chips?”

“If we don’t stop them right away, they’ll force __ to marry __!”

“According to legends, there’s a golden goose at the top of this here mountain.”

“She’s just a friend, you understand… it’s a strictly platonic relationship.”

“Won’t that kill them?”

“I don’t have to kill them, it just stops them from wriggling so much.”

“You’re terrible! I can’t believe I ever listened to you!”

“This might be our last stand, __.”

“It’s a life-size space monkey action figure, complete with a fully operational laser!”

“You’ve always had a weakness for helping silly little creatures, haven’t you, __?”

“You ever see a bear dance?”

“Huzzah! Yippee! Whoohoo!”

“Take it from me, __, never spend a week in a cage!”

“Mr. Laser Blaster and I have a whole lot of work to do!”

“The machine room is overrun with birds.”

“I’m not sure if this is a bird egg or dragon egg. What do you think?”

“Would you like to see a magic trick?”

“Did you know I happen to be a very talented amateur magician?”

“They need a good bonk on the head to calm them down.”

“You know, sometimes you just long for the simple, old-fashioned pleasures of yesteryear.”

“I spend all day pressing switches and shoving boxes around, and you just waltz in here expecting to claim the treasure!”

“I’ve been training my new pet manta ray to carry the latest technology super-high-impact underwater missile launchers!”

“Try not to get hit with the exploding ammo, ok?”

“Let’s just hope you’re made of tougher stuff than the last guy.”

“__ seems to have disappeared again so I should go make sure he’s not in more trouble. You haven’t seen him, have you?”

“How many times have I told you not to tease that moose?”

“It was __’s idea!”

“Another noble warrior falls victim to the plague of love.”

“You’ve come this far, __. I know you can beat her!”

#sentence starters #ask meme #rp meme #roleplay memes #Happy Reignited Trilogy Release Day c:

[liskantope]

During the last few months, I read through the the entire archive of Luann comics from 1985 to the present day, as it’s freely available through GoComics. Don’t judge me. Or do judge me, I don’t care. Luann is entertaining and nostalgic (at least the period from the late 90′s through 2006 or so when I was regularly following the strip in the newspaper). Some thoughts below. (I actually wanted to write this a month and a half ago when I had just finished and everything was fresher on my mind, but that’s when holidays and all my distractions hit. This turned out to be very long and I’m not sure if any of my followers is actually interested in a review of Luann, but if anyone wants to scroll down to the final bulletpoint, that is a bit less Luann-specific and more on the lines of my usual discourse topics.)

Never mind bulletpoints; some of these are too long to be easily readable without breaking up into paragraphs!

1) I was impressed, almost all the way through, with how much sexuality is conveyed in the dialog and relationships between the characters while somehow staying within the content restrictions for a newspaper comic. (I do recall back around 2000 a particular comic coming under fire because the dialog between Luann’s parents implied that they didn’t wait for marriage, one which I was able to identify this time around.) I think Luann possibly has the most sexuality in it of any newspaper comic I’ve come across.

2) I understand that daily comic strip artists typically have to do their Sunday comics some six weeks more ahead of publication than their non-Sunday comics, resulting in each Sunday strip usually having nothing to do with the story happening in its neighboring strips. Luann consistently seems to be an exception to this, where either the cartoonist is able to follow a schedule of drawing the Sunday strips contemporaneously with the rest or he is extraordinarily good at planning a further six weeks in advance what will be going on in the story by the time a given Sunday strip will come out. That said, while I remember being annoyed that my newspaper growing up didn’t include Luann in its Sunday comics section, I see now that I wasn’t missing all that much: the Sunday strips are still mostly independent, shallow gags that often look like they could have been carried out just as easily and more space-efficiently in a daily strip.

3) Luann’s relationship with her brother Brad, which was clearly meant to reflect a classic snarky sibling dynamic, went further with the insults, name-calling, complete reluctance to acknowledge caring feelings, and occasionally outright malicious behavior than I was comfortable with (until recent years when this has simmered down now that they’re more fully grown up). Are typical siblings really treat each other by default in such an antagonistic and adversarial manner? I appreciate that I had an idyllic relationship with my sister growing up -- I mean really the closest to ideal of any siblings I’ve known -- but I wouldn’t have thought that the norm was really closer to Luann and Brad.

4) On the flip side, there’s another aspect of Luann’s life with her immediate family which strikes me as probably healthier than what I imagine as the default: the openness with which she and Brad air all their personal trials and tribulations to their parents. Luann in particular is often venting about her crushes (especially her main crush, Aaron Hill, always referred to with his full name) and coming to her parents for support over whatever teenage-style drama she’s caught up in. I suppose the fact that I didn’t feel free to be open about these types of things with my parents has much more to do with me than with them: I’ve always been neurotic about open discussion of certain things, especially my romantic interests or feelings of sexual attraction, and was somewhat more so as a teenager than now. (It would take a much longer post than this to pick apart this neurosis.) I remember actually getting into an argument with my parents over whether it’s within a normal kid-parent dynamic to mention at dinner “I met/saw the most attractive girl today!” with me convinced that it wasn’t. I have to concede that the Luann universe (fictional, but clearly based on the cartoonist’s impression of reality) is a point in their favor.

All that said, I would think that Luann might have felt kind of silly blabbering so much about her obsession with Aaron Hill to her family members (not to mention her school guidance counselor!) knowing on some level that it must come across as immature. Yet, in writing this I’ve remembered that I did plenty of blabbering as a young teenager to my family about whatever Interests I was obsessed with at the time, in a way that I kinda-sorta knew was immature but not enough to stop me... but that just wouldn’t have included romantic or sexual feelings. Also, the desire or ability to feel comfortable sleeping on the sofa in the middle of my family doing things (as Brad is constantly seen doing) is utterly foreign to me, but that touches on another of my neuroses.

5) This strip has obviously changed a lot over its nearly 34 years of syndication, which shows most obviously and superficially in the vast improvement in drawing style. In terms of content and stories it changed a lot too, and I think in a very positive direction. In fact, if I hadn’t known that it would improve in this way, I don’t think I would have bothered getting through all of the first decade of Luann. The basis for Luann in its early years was simple gags meant to reflect life of a typical teenage girl in a typical nuclear family. But there was something very pessimistic about all of it: the lives of the DeGroots, each entrenched in their roles as mother, father, teenage daughter, and teenage son, seem weary and at times slightly on the dysfunctional side. The strip could have practically be titled “The Woes of the Modern Middle-Class Nuclear Family”. It predated but was rather similar to The Simpsons in this way. Moreover, Luann, depicted as an awkward and not very attractive 13-year-old, seemed hopeless in all of the Average Teenage Girl ways, including hating everything about school; not really excelling at anything in school or out; being constantly wrapped up in spending hours on the phone with the same two friends; and never, ever, ever being able to get her the object of her long-time super-obsessive crush, Aaron Hill, to so much as glance in her direction (this theme was dwelt on ad nauseum for over a decade to the point that it got extremely tiresome and I’m surprised I got through that period; maybe what got me through was occasional acknowledgments in the voices of Luann’s friends that this obsession was over-the-top and getting pretty old).

And yet... Luann has grown up into a beautiful and talented woman with ambitions and a number of dating relationships under her belt, and the DeGroots are now held up as an example of a really admirable and healthy family (one that TJ clearly wants as his own family). While Brad’s transformation from teenage slob who lay around and ate Oreos all day into a happily married, responsible, and fit fireman is openly remarked upon, the drastic change in the ethos of the strip as a whole isn’t explicitly acknowledged. Of course the evolution happened very gradually, but if I had to point to a single turning point, my choice would be obvious: things began to drastically turn around for Luann in early 1997 when she bared her feelings to Aaron Hill by giving him a scroll containing all her memories of him (a move that would be considered obsessive and stalker-ish in another context but which finally won his attention here).

6) I think there’s a sort of trope, which the Luann character exemplifies about midway through the strip’s history, where she’s supposed to continue representing the insecure girl who feels unattractive and unpopular so that people can relate to her, while at the same time she seems to constantly attract boys (most of whom she considers really hot) and gets dates with them, so as to make for more interesting stories. I got annoyed at times at how these two things seemed to be in tension. At one point, if I remember right, Luann had no fewer than four of the boy characters super into her, including Aaron Hill even though she had temporarily decided she was through with him (this was unacknowledged later on when she went back to complaining that all those years she was in love with Aaron but he never truly noticed her). Other examples of this trope perhaps include Gus Cruikshank and George Costanza.

7) I would feel amiss if I didn’t put in a word about the Gunther character here. He’s my favorite character in the particular sense of reminding me extraordinarily of myself. If Butters from South Park is the most similar animated cartoon character to me (at least in the opinion of some friends), then Gunther Berger is, a hundred times more so, the most similar comic cartoon character to me. Not only do most of his personality traits match almost perfectly with mine (although I’m not as good with kids and don’t know anything about costume-making), his physical appearance is strikingly similar to mine, especially the way I looked as a teenager (plaid shirts and all). In fact, I sometimes wonder if, had there been (say) a call for auditions for a Luann movie back when I looked slightly younger, I might have had a decent shot at winning the part due to my physical similarity to Gunther -- I’m not an amazing actor, but there’s not nearly as much acting involved when you’re basically playing yourself.

One of the rather negative aspects of the early Luann ethos for me is not only the mildly negative way that Gunther was portrayed as the stereotypical socially-inept nerd but the level of disdain Luann treats him with (despite her own insecurities) which she’s only occasionally called out on. I’m glad to see that Gunther soon became one of the most likeable and admirable characters in the strip. Rather than feel ashamed of our likeness, I see him as reflecting some of the best parts of me and, when it comes to standing up and speaking his mind, an inspiration for me to be better.

8) Luann, throughout its history, addresses stereotypical norms, particularly with regard to gender, in an interesting (although not at all unusual) way. Let’s first keep in mind that the strip and main characters were established in 1985. The original intent of the cartoonist was clearly to portray middle-class nuclear family life, with a special focus on teenage girlhood, as honestly and relatably as he knew how. This meant in particular making each member of the DeGroot family a sort of every(wo)man: Frank is the typical father, the main breadwinner, always the one to worry about money (and the parent to go to when one of the kids wants money or something expensive), and taking a backseat with housework; Nancy is the typical mother, more emotive, burdened with all the housework and daily discipline of her kids; Brad is the typical older teenage boy, a lazy slob with little regard for cleanliness or manners spending all his time either being a couch potato or working on his car; and Luann is the typical 13-year-old girl, hating school and obsessed with boys, shopping, fashion, and talking on the phone. The strip positively revels in stereotypes (especially once we add the blonde cheerleader “mean girl” Tiffany, the unattractive nerd Gunther, and the goof-off Knute). A particular theme is gender stereotypes; in fact, it felt like a good 50% of Luann’s non-story strips, particularly Sunday ones, revolved around the differences between the genders. All of this looks pretty tiresome now and was probably tiresome already back in the 80′s.

And at the same time, the cartoonist was clearly socially progressive and a feminist (at least in the old-school sense) from the start. He made many points about the particular burdens women face and wrote many sympathetic strips about how Nancy willingly did all the housework and cooking but was expected to by default and felt unappreciated because her work went unacknowledged by everyone else. There’s a lot of focus on how the fashion industry puts pressures on teenage girls and women and how women should free themselves from basing their self-worth on how their looks compare to other women’s and on what boys think of them. In fact, the artist very deftly points out the tension between Luann’s awareness of this unreasonableness and her desire to be superficially attractive and objectified by boys anyway!

What reads as a tiny bit strange about all of this -- but only from a very modern point of view, I think -- is that all of these stereotypes are remarked upon and criticized while still being exemplified by pretty much every single character and everything they do. (Compare to Zits, debuting in 1997, where the father, a rather sweet, huggy, un-stereotypically masculine character, is shown doing the laundry from early on.) I get why someone would go with that formula, because as I said it seems at least naively like the best way to maximize relatability, but it comes at the expense of creating a subtle tension and not fully promoting the intended messages. I believe this underscores a fundamental distinction between a bare anti-conformist message and anti-conformist representation and suggests that representation as a social justice concept just wasn’t a big thing back in the 80′s and 90′s in the way it (fortunately) is today.

#luann #comics section #sexuality #sibling relationships #sex casuality #personal quirks #the simpsons #love (netflix show) #Seinfeld #south park

[thelastspeecher]

Spy AU - Toxin, pt. 1.5

Randomly, last night, I sat down and wrote this.  It takes place shortly after the first thing I wrote with the toxin.  After getting targeted by an enemy while on a mission, Ford is attacked with a toxin that reverts him to being a three-year-old.  In this ficlet, Stan and Angie are taking Ford to find clothes that will fit him and don’t belong to his nieces.  It...doesn’t go as well as any of them would like, but at least Ford gets ice cream before they head home.

              Ford stopped in the middle of the aisle.  While he caught his breath, he looked around at the shelves, covered with various brands of chips and snacks.  The song playing over the store intercom changed from country to pop.  He was staring blankly at a bag of corn chips when Stan rushed back to him.

              “Geez, Sixer, don’t scare me like that,” Stan said, putting a hand on Ford’s shoulder.  “We thought you got kidnapped or something.”  Stan followed Ford’s gaze.  “…Do you want chips?  Is that why you stopped following us?”

              “Not really,” Ford mumbled.

              “Okay.  Why did you do that, then?”

              “I don’t wanna say.”  Ford ducked his head.

              “C’mon.”

              “…My legs got tired,” Ford said reluctantly.  “I was- I was just taking a short break, that’s- that’s all.”  His already small voice got smaller and smaller as his sentence went on.

              “Oh.”  Stan rubbed the back of his neck.  Ford frowned at him.  He clearly had something to say.

              “What?”

              “Nothin’.”

              “Stanley.”  Ford crossed his arms in a gesture more mature than one would normally see in someone his apparent age.  “You’re holding back.  You’ve got a suggestion or comment or something.  Spit it out.”

              “Fine.  There’s a really easy solution to your problem.  Two, actually.”

              “Is one of them finding somewhere to sit for a little while?” Ford asked. Stan shook his head.  Dread began to build in Ford’s chest.  “I’m not going to like it, am I?”

              “No.  No, you aren’t.”  Stan sighed. “Look, you’ve got tiny legs now. Just a fact.  You take a lot more steps than I do to go the same distance.”

              “…I know this.”

              “Yeah, but I’m reminding you, so that…maybe my suggestions don’t upset you as much.”  Stan stuffed his hands in his pockets.  “The way I see it, you’ve got two options, like I said.  Option one is you riding in the cart.”

              “In the baby seat?  No!  I explicitly said I wouldn’t do that, back at the house.”

              “Option two,” Stan continued, “is having me or Angie carry you.”  Ford’s jaw dropped open.  “You can’t keep up with us, Sixer.  You know that.  So if we wanna finish shopping and head back home quickly, you have to choose one of those options.  Your suggestion – taking a break – would take a long time.  ‘Cause it wouldn’t be just one break.  It’d be a lot.  We haven’t even been here a full twenty minutes and you’re already too tired to keep walking.”  Stan smiled sheepishly at Ford.  “It sucks, but them’s the breaks.”

              “I- I can’t do either of those,” Ford whispered.  “You- you can’t make me choose!”  Stan sighed and crouched down to Ford’s eye-height.

              “Either you choose, or I do,” he said firmly.  “I don’t like it, either.  But sometimes you don’t have any good options.”  Ford looked down at his feet.

              “I- I don’t wanna choose,” Ford whispered.  Stan sighed again.

              “Carrying you, it is.”

              “No!  I won’t do it!” Ford protested, stomping his foot instinctively.  He froze, the immaturity of his action crashing over him. Stan scowled and scooped Ford up in his arms, then stood to his full height again.

              “Don’t talk to me like that,” he scolded.  Ford swallowed nervously.

              “S-sorry, I didn’t-” he squeaked out.  Stan groaned.

              “Shit, no, Ford.  I’m- I was the one who fucked up there.  I’ve heard that sorta stuff from my daughters a million times, and I slipped into ‘Dad Mode’. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that.”

              “No, I- that was a reasonable reaction,” Ford said quietly.  “It’s- it’s how you would respond if I was actually a petulant child.  We are in public.”  Stan sighed one more time.

              “Still.  Well, uh, let’s, uh, let’s go find Angie, okay?” he said, feigning a cheerful tone. Ford nodded.  Stan set off.  Ford frowned, frustrated at how much faster they were moving, now that Stan was the one walking.  After a few moments, they found Angie perusing clearance dresses.  “Ang, I found him.”  Angie looked up.  She beamed.

              “Ya most certainly did!  You ready to find some clothes, Stanford?” she chirped.  Ford nodded reluctantly.  Angie paused for a moment, watching the two brothers.  She cocked her head.  “Uh, aren’t ya goin’ to put ‘im down?”  Ford buried his face in Stan’s shirt so that he could pretend he didn’t hear how Stan replied.  Unfortunately, his hearing wasn’t impeded whatsoever.

              “His legs got a bit tired is all,” Stan said.

              “Ah.  Okay.” Angie’s tone was mild, but Ford felt a hot flush rush across his face.  He squeezed his eyes shut.  Stan patted his back gently, but while the gesture was supposed to be comforting, it just frustrated Ford more.  They started moving again.  Ford could hear Angie humming softly.

              Why does she do that so much? It’s- it’s- His agitation began to slip away.  -it’s very soothing.  He sighed.  Angie knows what she’s doing.  So does Stan, for that matter.  They’re both excellent parents.  His comfortable position, snuggled against Stan’s chest, was disrupted as Stan carefully peeled him off and set him down on the ground. Ford looked up at Stan.  Stan chuckled and ruffled his hair.

              “That’s a damn cute face, Sixer.”  Ford blinked at the compliment.  Stan grinned. It was the affectionate smile of someone looking at an endearingly adorable child.

              “Stanford, sweetheart, come over here,” Angie called.  Ford looked over.  Angie was standing next to a display of various shirts, frowning at a sweater emblazoned with the Loch Ness Monster on the front.  “This looks like somethin’ ya might enjoy.”  Ford walked over to where Angie was standing.  She held the sweater up.  “Right size, seems like.”  Ford stared silently at the sweater.  In Angie’s hands, its minute size was clear.  He glanced past Angie, at a nearby boy being helped by a woman he assumed was the child’s mom.  Distress churned in Ford’s stomach.

              I’m…so small right now.  That- that literal toddler is taller than me.

              “Well?” Angie asked.  “Do ya like it?”

              “Yeah, it’s- it’s fine,” Ford choked out.  Angie set the sweater back on the display and crouched down.  Ford determinedly looked away from her worried gaze. He hurriedly wiped away a couple tears that had escaped from his eyes.  “I- I like it.”

              “Hon, are you all right?” Angie asked softly.  Ford let out a loud sniff.  Seemingly summoned by the noise, Stan appeared at Ford’s side.

              “Bud?” Stan asked quietly, crouching next to Ford.  “Somethin’ wrong?”  Ford clenched his hands into fists and pressed them tight against his eyes. “Ang, you’ve got his size now, right? Think you can handle it on your own?”

              “Sure,” Angie said.  “Just keep yer phone on ya, and I’ll find ya when I’m done.”  Ford felt Stan carefully pick him up.  He let out a sob.

              “C’mon, buddy,” Stan said soothingly, rubbing his back.  “We’re gonna go for a little walk, okay?”

              “B-but the clo- the clothes,” Ford sobbed.

              “Angie’s gonna handle it.  She’s better at this stuff anyways.  Wanna go to the food court?”

              “I- I-”

              “Yeah, let’s go to the food court,” Stan continued.  “Get some ice cream.  Okay?”

              “O- okay.”  Stan began to walk.  Ford could hear the change from the generic radio station to the faint background chatter of the mall thoroughfare.  Stan was humming to himself like he often did when doing everyday tasks.  The mundanity of the sound calmed Ford.  He finally opened his eyes and peered over Stan’s shoulder.  Immediately, he wished he hadn’t.  There were two teenage girls walking behind Stan, clearly having spent a full day shopping. They were also clearly watching Ford with wide eyes.  One of the girls, short with red hair piled in buns, saw Ford looking at them and elbowed her much taller friend excitedly.  Her friend gasped and covered her mouth.

              “Oh, my gosh, he’s so cute!” the taller of the two girls gushed.  Ford looked away, blushing.

              “You scared him!” the other girl said.  Stan’s pace picked up.

              “Don’t worry, we’re almost there,” Stan said softly.  “Just ignore ‘em.”  Ford nodded silently.

              After a few more incidents of Ford catching people watching him, they finally arrived at the food court.  Ford let out a relieved sigh.  They went through the line at the ice cream place without incident, but Ford’s delicate good mood was strained by Stan grabbing a booster seat for Ford to sit on at a table.  As Stan set up the booster seat and put Ford in it, Ford stared at him pleadingly.

              “Please don’t do this,” Ford whispered.  Stan’s expression was wracked with guilt.

              “…I don’t have a choice.  Not- not only would it be suspicious, but it’s not safe.  You have to use the booster.”  Seemingly acting on instinct, he kissed the top of Ford’s head.  “All right, eat up.  Can’t let it melt.”  Stan handed Ford his scoop of butter pecan in a dish and took a seat, then attacked his own treat, a chocolate cone.  A few bites into his ice cream, Ford could feel himself perking up.

        ��     “Excuse me?”  Stan and Ford looked over.  The speaker was a woman neither of them recognized, holding a baby carrier occupied by a sleeping infant.

              “Uh, you talking to me?” Stan asked.  The woman nodded.

              “I was just wondering – how did you teach your son such good table manners?” she asked.  Stan frowned.

              “My son?” he asked.  Ford coughed quietly.  Stan looked at him.  His eyes widened.  “Oh, yeah, uh- he, uh-”  Stan’s stammering was suddenly replaced by a suave demeanor, as he slipped into his spy training.  He beamed. “Stan Junior here, he didn’t get that from me.  You’d have to ask his stepmom.  She’s the one that taught him all his good manners.”  Stan grinned at Ford.  “Isn’t that right, Junior?”  Ford stared silently at him, unsure of what a three-year-old in this situation would do. Stan chuckled.  “He’s a bit shy.”

              “Aw, well, I am some strange, random lady that walked up to the two of you,” the woman said with a laugh.  “Thanks anyways.”

              “No problem.”

              “Have a good day, Stan Junior,” the woman cooed at Ford.  She walked away.  Ford scowled.

              “Really?  Stan Junior?” he hissed.

              “It was the first thing that popped into my head.”

              “I thought you were better than that at improvisation.”

              “Hey, that coulda gone way worse,” Stan said defensively.  “Finish your ice cream.”

              “Ya didn’t get me anything?” a familiar voice asked.  Angie took a seat at their table.  Stan grinned.

              “Nah.  This was a special treat for just us guys.  Right, buddy?” Stan said, winking at Ford.  Ford quirked a small smile; Stan’s exuberance was contagious.

              “Hon, I think ya can lay it off a bit,” Angie said quietly.  “Not many folks ‘re payin’ attention.  There’s plenty of cute lil kidlets at the food court.”

              “Oh.  Yeah.” Stan rubbed the back of his neck. “Dammit.  I’ve been slipping into ‘Dad Mode’ with Ford a lot.”  Angie put a hand on Stan’s back.

              “Yer adjustin’.  We all are.” She looked at Ford.  “How are ya holdin’ up?”  Ford shrugged.

              “All right, I guess.”  He poked at his ice cream.  “Didn’t like the people who kept looking at me,” he muttered.  Angie frowned, confused.

              “Buncha teens and old ladies thought he was cute and stared at him,” Stan explained.

              “Ah.  Well, that’d happen, since ya are mighty cute,” Angie said.  Ford sighed.

              “Yeah, I…I guess it’s a curse.”  Angie and Stan chuckled.  Stan shoved the last bit of his ice cream cone into his mouth and stood.

              “I’m gonna hit the john before we head out.”  He kissed Angie on cheek.  “Back in a minute, babe.”

              “I’ll hold ya to that, darlin’,” Angie said teasingly.  Stan walked off, ruffling Ford’s hair on the way.  Angie moved closer to Ford.  “Here.”  She carefully messed with his rambunctious curls, returning them to something more closely resembling a neat hairstyle.  “Better?”

              “Yeah.  Thanks.”

              “It ain’t no problem, sugar-cube.”  Angie grimaced.  “Oh. Whoops.  Sorry ‘bout that.”

              “It’s fine.  No worse than Stan scolding me earlier, or him carrying me everywhere.”

              “He calls ya ‘buddy’ a lot, too, I noticed.”

              “I don’t mind that as much.”

              “Good.  ‘Cause I don’t see that lettin’ up any time soon.  Stan, uh, he really wants a son.  Lately, I’ve caught him mumblin’ in his sleep ‘bout throwin’ a football to someone he calls ‘sport’.”  Angie smiled sheepishly.

              “That might explain why when a lady asked about me, he called me Stan Junior,” Ford commented.  Angie laughed.

              “Oh, that’s right!  He put that name on the list.  I told him that under no condition would I name my son Stan Junior, but he didn’t care.” Ford cocked his head.

              “Are- are you and Stan-”

              “No,” Angie interjected.  She shook her head.  “Not- not yet, at least.  Just talking about trying again.”

              “Remember the last time you and Stan were ‘just talking’?” Ford said, raising an eyebrow.  Angie chuckled.

              “I remember.  I remember very well what happened. We’re tryin’ to be a bit more careful this time.”  Angie smiled warmly.  “Sorry that yer trip to the mall was so upsettin’.  Hopefully I picked out some clothes that ya like.”

              “You have good taste.  I’m sure it’s fine,” Ford said with a shrug.  Stan returned to the table.

              “All done with your ice cream?” Stan asked.  Ford stuffed the last bite into his mouth, swallowed, and nodded. “Great.  Let’s get goin’.  Want me to pick you up again, Sixer?  We’d get to the car faster that way.”

              “I know,” Ford said.  “And I’m feeling slightly better about that particular fact now.  But…maybe Angie would carry me?”  Stan’s mouth fell open in a surprised “O”.

              “Ya sure?” Angie asked.

              “You two are incredibly surprised by this,” Ford remarked.

              “I mean, ya did know Stan when ya were this age the first time ‘round,” Angie said.  Ford shrugged.

              “Fair enough.  But Stan claimed you were my stepmom, and that’s something a stepmom would do, right? And I don’t think I can handle the embarrassment of my younger brother carrying me again.  At least, not today.”

              “If yer sure,” Angie said.  Ford nodded. Angie stood and picked Ford up from his booster seat.  As she carefully nestled Ford into a comfortable position, he thought about how this was different from being carried by Stan.  Her patterned blouse was softer than Stan’s T-shirt, and she smelled like citrus and sweet peas, much more appealing to Ford than Stan’s usual aroma of motor oil, cigar smoke, and whiskey.  “Comfy?” Angie asked.

              “As I’ll ever be,” Ford said.  Angie stroked his back.

              “That’s good enough fer me.  Let’s head home.”

#this was another instance of me writing and writing and unable to shut up #not seen in this is when Ford has to ride on Angie's lap to the mall #bc he's too smol to be in a seat by himself #and Stan and Angie didn't want to put him in a car seat so soon after being de-aged #the next time they take Ford somewhere in the car #he has to use a car seat #but the first time they go a bit easier on him #Spy AU #Stanford Pines #Stanley Pines #Angie McGucket #my writing #my stuff #ficlet #speecher speaks