#me at myself: please let me sleep!!

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

fighting for my fucking life here on Tumblr Dot Com trying to change my header

#my tablet & the internet: you have the perfect dimensions for tumblr headers! it will fit Perfectly! 3000x1055! #tumblr & my laptop: best i can do is 1048x720 #who do i have to MAIM- #please i made myself a little rainbow collage of some of my work... please... let me Display it... #it doesnt fit??? at all??? what the fuck man??? #im Trying to do a Thing and its Not Letting Me #for now ill slap on a temporary header but jeebus. criminy. damn. #i meant for this to be quick so that i could sleep #but i have tricked myself into starting a new Task and i Have to finish it #i cant not. #absolutely unprompted #throttling tumblr. snapping my laptop in half. eating candles. etc.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

My fellow dyslexics: I've created a dyslexia symptom survey.

The survey can be found: HERE

Why have I done this? Becuase dyslexia is a spectrum disorder and different people have different symptoms. And I find it really interesting. And I like working with data.

People without reading issues are also welcome to participate!

I will look at the results after a month (march 5th, 2023) and make a judgment on if I have a big enough dataset to work with. If I get enough feedback, I will do a comprehensive report (maybe record a video walk through of the results).

Please share so that I can work with a large dataset :-]

#me: i dont have polls but i can survey the ppl #im just v curious what other ppl struggle with and i like doing stats coding lol #and making more work for myself for no reason #but idk i couldnt sleep so fuck it why not #please let me kno if u notice any issues #ive not made a survey before #dyslexia #dyslexia awareness #survey #have i designed a good survey? probably not bc i made it at 3am but well see #im also just curious how many ppl resond to these things #questionnaire

[brothfan1997]

the problem with working a job where u interact with like 1500 people per day & u are supposed to be charming and informative the whole time is that sometimes you are so weird on accident?? and u say something that is so weird to say to another person out loud ?? and u just have to be like :) lets pretend that was normal. do you have any other questions

#me sitting at my table in silence recounting my day and visibly wincing repeatedly etc etc #to be fair to myself people say really weird things to me and then i have to respond. #i think sometimes disney adults expect childrens museum employees to all be like disneyland character employees. #which we are not i’m not actually doing a bit i’m just some guy who works here and will talk to your kid about dinosaurs ?? #if your kid points to a dead bug and asks if its dead (this is in the context of letting children touch preserved specimens) #im literally not gonna play along and lie to your child that is ridiculous #its not sleeping. i am here to talk about science #LOL i will probably delete this later i am so exhausted holiday break sure is… breaking me… #2600 people today… #unrelated sometimes people come up to me later to compliment my stage shows and i think in the new year #im just gonna start being like :) what parts did you enjoy ? elaborate please #i feel like im doing improv all the time.

[citroensap]

I've seen what I've seen. And I've been told what I've been told. And I have an audience with the person who can do something about it. To smile for a photo op and recite 64 couplets on the American experience? That's treasonous.

The West Wing 03.16 | The U.S. Poet Laureate with Laura Dern as Tabatha Fortis

#the west wing #laura dern #mijn posts #toby is just like me fr #please let it be known that i started making these past midnight and it's 3 am rn #this is the first time ive made gifs if you dont count the screenshot one when i was like . 13 #i've taken the punctuation from westwingtranscripts.com because i dont trust myself #all gifs are 76 frames & on 90% speed & initially uploaded at 24 fps but somehow they dont look like they're going at the same time?? #am i sleep deprived or did i forget something. or both #not sure about the formatting of this post at all but if im not sending it into the world now i probably will never post this

[sydthekidd98]

I've got AuDHD (and it's not a fucking car)

Honestly, I'm shocked that I've made it this far.

The amount of times I don't know what the fuck is going on, 'cause I can't read social cues and I spaced out too long!

#adhd #autism #what the hell is wrong with me #boredom #bored at 4 am #poets on tumblr #neurodivergent #random thoughts #random burst of creativity #please just let me sleep #poetry #hey i made a little poem for myself

[drawingway]

I'v been laughing for five minutes because i am laying down to sleep, thinking about Halsin, mentally telling myself a story to sleep, and my brain comes with

"Oh, the sweet impossibly romantic words of a old man in love, is just so hard for my heart to bear-"

And now i cant sleep aknsjsndksjdjdof send help, im an idiot aknsjsndnsndnndd

#halsin #baldur's gate 3 #im wipping tears of laughter #kansjsnssnndnsndaaaaaaaaa whhyyy brain stop please #just let me tell myself a story to sleep in peace please ainsksnsjsnsnsn

[svtskneecaps]

it's still genuinely funny to me that the only eggs to use "she" pronouns decided their pronouns themselves lmfao

#qsmp #the og batch of eggs was all he/him at adoption day with the exception of i THINK dapper don't quote me #i did hear a VERY long time ago that bad was using they/them for dapper at the start but i didn't hop in until later #also don't quote me on empanada; i THINK she was asked but i actually don't recall #sunny pomme and tallulah i know decided their own #flippa transed her gender; leo wore pronouns like accessories; and i think tilin became she/her just for a sleepover with flippa #bc allegedly slime was like 'no BOYS are allowed to sleep over with my DAUGHTER' and tilin was like well i'm a girl!! :D or so i hear #didn't confirm this for myself either #but like ramon chayanne bobby trump leo flippa tilin were all definitely assigned male pronouns at adoption lmao #and richas let his parents decide his gender and they went with he/him #this post isn't a hit piece or a critique to be clear it is genuinely funny to me the op lmao #shut up vic #block game brainrot #oh and pepito is pepito i don't think pepito ever actually gave any pronouns so pepito is pepito :D #but everyone knows pepito is pepito lmao #please don't do critique on this post this is a funny haha lmao post

[yohankang]

shit went down at work today and there's a chance they'll fire me 🙃

#my boss will talk to the ceo tomorrow and it's entirely up to him....... #multiple people at work saw me crying and i was so ashamed i wanted to cry even more lol #i'm just so bad at this job and i hate it but it's so hard to find a job when you dropped out of uni twice #and they pay well and i truly love some of the people there #like my boss expects me to do better (if i won't get fired) and she wants me to propose some improvements #but like. the problem is me. the workload is too much for me and there's no magic way to solve it #and the worst part is i'm so emotionally unstable i can't even talk about it without crying #i'm crying even now lol #and i know if i start crying tomorrow it will only annoy him #and i'm not doing it to seem pitiful i just can't control it at all #godd i'm so tired #i wish i could just cry it out today and then have a serious conversation tomorrow but it doesn't work like that #i had plans today but i start crying every 10 minutes so i just came back home and opened a beer #maybe it will put me to sleep idk #at this point i'm also annoyed with myself #i will let you know how it goes tomorrow 🙃 #k.txt #dl #btw please don't try to comfort me because it only makes me cry harder lol i'm just writing to let it all out

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

Can't sleep brain too full of death

#sfw #personal #ok to reblog #so uh Fiona and Cake spoilers but #there's a lot of death and almost all of it always happened and never unhappened and I'm not ok actually #the universe where the Lich succeeded... if you don't blink you can see it happen #and then there was nothing nothing in the universe Everything Died #and then BMO... even without thinking about how horrifying it would be happening to flesh that's gonna haunt me... #Vampire world introduces itself with Simon's rotting corpse which remains even in present time #The Star... whose servants TEAR THEIR OWN HEADS OFF IN FEAR OF HER #and everyone died like it was nothing #I love this show so much but the death... all the meaningless death... #I'm too far removed from the idea of the narrative I'm too deep in the universe I can't see it as plot I see it as though I lived it myself #“so don't watch things you know will be upsetting you” unfortunately I love these characters and it was worth the pain of watching #I need to sleep please let me leave these thoughts and process my feelings later when I'm not alone and eating my own sleep time #please #Fiona and Cake spoilers #spoilers #cw death #tw death

[miallurk]

In these days i realized i like art and writing and creating and shopping and taking walks and talking to people and cleaning and helping and studying and doing things but i'm just. too stressed, tired and burned out to do them. How great!

#i am losing my sanity day by day #drowning myself in the nearby lake seems better and better every day #why am i even writing this i have literally no mutuals or even people who'd care about #don't mind me crying myself to sleep haha #ooooh look at this pathetic baby. sitting in their little bed crying stupid tears. i should at least get tissues now while my crying isn't #fuck history fuck school and fuck me i quess #am i gonna start treating this as an actual blog and make a sideblog for reblogs? who knows! certainly not me; stay tuned for the story! #i'm gonna go and just let it all out into a pillow #vent ig #my mom is blasting holiday music in the other room lol #nice to have a whatever the fuck im having while “jingle bells” plays #at least i'm not hearing mariah carey ig #anyway i've probably hadn't been taking care of myself lately it has been worse despite me promoting it to everyone who needs #when i vented last time and it wasn't taken seriously so woop #anyway imma go try to calm myself and back to my notes i go #please gods what did i do to deserve thi s shit. fuck you #i hate it here i really do. i hate when these people talk to me i hate them. i at least can be sorta accquaitances with one but they just. #all stare and laugh? i actually can't. like i'm some fucking clown and laughing stock. just kill me at this point. i have been enduring this #for YEARS and suddenly i'm being a little bitch about it?? what the fuck. why am i so mushy all of a sudden. being shown an ounce of respect #and care made me expect it more? fuck #i'm just setting myself up for failure. i am just a giant loser and failure of a person. #everything seems so fucking hard. and pointless. i am tearing my rotten little heart apart with this. i am once again grieving things #long ago and things i never had. my everything has to be pleasing to an outsider #my value is my suffering. am i breaking enough? is this beautiful to look at #at my self destruction? i hate myself. i treat others so cruelly. i am a horrible fucking person. #my problems are not their burden - i forced it on them. wept like a baby because she left me. and what happened in the end? my paranoia got #to me. i left them. i fucking. i fid the thing i was afraid of being done to me. #this is showing so many issues. #so many things wrong with me. i shouldn't even be alive by this point - i wasn't supposed to survive past 12 #i am being forced to do this every day. someone please just end my fu king suffering

[plzu]

getting tired at like 9pm on a saturday night is insane. i'm beating back sleep with a baseball bat so i have more time to do all my favorite activities. it's 11 now. please don't take me yet. hold on tight spider monkey

#i let myself to go bed before 10 yesterday i did not fight sleep then #which is fair when you woke up early for work #but god please. please let me stay up late <3

[feral-ass-raccoon]

when i tell you the amount of pure joy i feel when i see that a mutual has responded (whether it be an IRL Moot or a fellow "Bullying Morro On The Internet + Morro Himself" crew) or otherwise interacted with me just. does not do it credit

like i get so much fuckig dopamine when i see that a moot has responded via reblog and i can Interact With Them holy shit

will we ever know anything about each other past Tumblr names and pronouns? no.

but oh my fucking god if i do not cherish each and every one of the stupid and/or bizzarely deep conversations i have with these people.

#my little goblin brain who hoards anything even remotely close to a friendship goes fucking nuts #i will visibly grin i love it. so much. #i know nothing about these people but kill me now if i do not enjoy our interactions #i am so sorry it is 4 am and i am Emotion #please ignore me. #this is sleep deprived me having joy in internet interactions and i. do Not understand but i will let myself rant this once. as a treat #am i okay? probably? #im going to go die in a pit now i have just admitted something very deep. okay bye. #this is what happens when Having Friends causes me to go soft. what the fuck is happening. #dear god please just kill me now

[arsonist-chicken]

Do you ever like.. get a sudden surge of love and admiration and just general happiness because of a friend, so much so that it's almost overwhelming, and you are just so, so glad you met them and hope you'll never have to let them go and get to keep them in your life forever? Yeah ❤️💖🐗🧚‍♂️🦄

#i should go to sleep #but these are the moments i wonder again if i know what a crush feels like and if i can tell the difference between periodical very strong #but platonic affection for a friend and having a tiny crush on them #oh well. in the end does it matter? #but it would still be nice to be able to tell the difference. if nothing else then to know when i actually have a crush on someone i'm not #that close to like that friend or that fond of #fucking hell god please never let me have to let them go. i don't think i've ever met someone i'm that comfortable around and around whom #it's so easy to just be myself #or rarely. maybe with two other friends i don't feel the need to hold back myself from blurting stuff out and interrupting them and #apologising and asking them to continue or just like.. say whatever comes to mind or touch electric pasture fences to see if it still stings #(it does btw but in a sensorally really nice way 10/10 would recommend) #why do amazing people often live so damn far away? last time i met a bunch of people i really got to love was almost lifesaving and #definitely mental health saving. we used to talk every day and now i barely know what any of them are up to :( covid really fucked us over #with everyone just trying to survive and stay sane. we really lost touch and now it #*it's hard to get that back because we're strewn across europe and brasil and the us and everyone's an adult with responsibilities now #i miss them :( gotta try harder to rekindle that #anyway @the universe or whatever fuckers listening: if you put me in circumstances that make me lose touch with her like with them #i'll set the world on fire. she's become far too important to me to let that happen #okay as always i couldn't damn shut up in the tags alright bye bye good night whatever my cat's purring now instead of snoring #scientists of tumblr invent a teleportation machine now. i want to lie in a park and watch dogs and read side by side and remember how good #life can be #mine

[expensivemountaintea]

When the ADHD is being an actual mental illness/disorder and actually keeps me from achieving anything in life instead of making me silly and giving me the zoomies

#Hate when that happens #Please just let me finish the laundry im begging you #And please let me sleep. I still have school tomorrow #ADHD #Sometimes during momemts like these i curse myself for choosing to be unmedicated #Now i want meds but i still havent found a psychiatrist thay has a spot for me #so he could prescribe me them

[hkpika07]

Please for the love of God can intrusive thoughts stop can my brain and body calm down I want to sleep tonight.

#my brain is yelling shit at me trying to believe things about stuff and about myself that arent true and i know arent true #and my anxiety starts to believe it even though its not true and its a vicious cycle. and god. i just want to sleep #but my brain and body are too awake and adrenaline and im scared it wont calm down and i wont sleep #how do i turn off my thoughts. someone take away thw intrusive thoughts please. i want my brain to stop talking for once. leave me in peace #i want to sleep. but everythung wont let me. im in for a long night arent i. i hope my meds will kick in but they arent currently #and its worrying me. how do i shut off the thoughts i hate them i want the intrusive thoughts to stop #please for the love of god. #vent #tw vent

[ereborne]

Song of the Day: March 25

"Groovy Little Summer Song" by James Otto

#song of the day #it's not at all summer yet but it is spring!! #it's chilly when the wind blows and the dew-damp sticks around until noon but the sun is out and the sky is maybe not clear but close! #spring!!!! #I put my first early plantings in the garden today #I had planned for a bunch of marigolds but I got a different batch of flowers instead #so now what's down is rootings for a bunch of perennial flowers #sea holly and red-hot pokers and butterfly weed and hollyhocks #and then my little pea plants #I told Kelly I'd share pictures but for today it only looks like a square of dirt--I'll definitely share pics when my sprouts come in!! #beautiful beautiful garden times #summer of 2010 when this song came out was the first time in three-ish years I'd spent much continuous time with my family #my littlest siblings were old enough to be away from Mom for a while and still young enough to be lulled to sleep by the car #and Mom was very eager to be left home alone to sleep (and play this weird chicken bowling game she was briefly addicted to) #and so we went on a lot of long leisurely pointless car rides and we listed to a lot of #(I will never not hear this in my head) 96.9 The Kat! country music radio #and this got added to the short list of songs I sang to myself #it's so catchy!! cute fun moderately-bouncy little earworm and my voice cruises up and down it so easy #'when the days start gettin warmer / the sun starts sinkin slower / weekends go by faster / and beer starts tastin colder #wanna tune into a station / takes me on a soul vacation / hey there mister dj / come on won't you please play' #and crucially Dad did not mind this song--which could not be said for 'There Is No Arizona' by Jamie O'Neal #or (after I sang it approximately ninety million times) 'Just What I Do' by Trick Pony #we also had--this was very fun for me--we had exactly one CD we could play in the car (because it was stuck in the disk player) #and that was Joe Diffie's 'Third Rock From The Sun' #so many songs of absolute joy on that album. lucky as hell that Dad agreed because it meant we'd crank it up so loud #close my eyes and let the sun shine all red through my eyelids #sing some real dumbass enjoyable-as-all-getout songs at the top of my absolute voice #Dad laughing and singing along and the littles sleeping through the all of it like the precious babies they were #these are the songs of sunshine and pointless happiness! it's not summer but it will be! my garden doesn't have plants yet but it will! #sing a song!!