#maybe i'll read this again in a year from wherever i am then and i'll remember this and it'll make me smile

[rorywritesjunk]

I can’t tell where the journey will end But I know where to start

Prequel to my Kid Buggy fic, set about 11-ish years before that story.

Buggy meets you by chance when he needs his buttons sewn back onto his jacket. He’s young, up and coming, and he thinks everyone should cower before him wherever he goes, but all you do is smile at him.

Rating: PG-13ish just for some swearing. Warning: Buggy’s in his early 20s. I also gave him some anxiety and stuff because while he’s in love he doesn’t believe someone could love him back. He just has a lot of uncertainty with romance. Mawwiage happens. Alcohol is mentioned. Everyone’s having a good time. A/N: The epilogue! Enjoy. I am not done with these two in the sense I'll do more one-shots and the likes for them as well as AUs with Buggy's older sister and The Wives. Thank you to everyone who's been reading this! Enjoy!

Title comes from “Wake Me Up” by Avicii.

TAGLIST: @lostfirefly @ane5e @kingofthemfingpirates @the-angriest-angel @tiredemomama @valen-yamyam16 @i-reblog-fics-i-like @plethora-of-fickleness @uhnanix

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13 + Chapter 14 + Chapter 15 + Chapter 16 + Chapter 17 + Chapter 18 + Epilogue

Epilogue

The marriage was far from perfect.

Your first actual fight showed Buggy you were capable of not speaking to him for an entire week. It was regarding one of Mohji’s animals, a bear that fell ill and passed away. You had been upset for both the loss of the animal and Mohji; the boy loved that bear so much. All Buggy suggested was that you not… cry so much over it. That was it, suck it up and move on. It was just a bear.

He was on his knees begging for your forgiveness by the end of the week.

Then there was the time you accidentally cut up his favorite shirt. He had left it for days on the scrap fabric pile you collected in the bedroom and asked him many times if he was sure that shirt needed to be there. He had insisted it was, but a week after you cut it up into scraps to patch some of the crew’s clothes, Buggy asked about it. You both needed to work on more than verbal communication.

And a few years into the marriage, Buggy was feeling less like you were going to leave him for every person who talked to you that he was pretty relaxed - a little too relaxed because for your birthday he took you to a pub, got a little drunk, and made a comment about how hot the barmaid was. You weren’t mad, more amused by it, but when you reminded him the next day when he sobered up what he said, he was mortified.

You were leaving him for sure for that, he was certain of it.

On his birthday you disappeared for a day on an island you begged to be dropped off at. Buggy caved, wanting to do anything for you in hopes you would forget how he acted like an ass on your birthday again. Maybe you just needed a break from him, even if it was on his birthday. 

You came back after meeting up with Kuro and oh, oh the divorce was inevitable now. You had told him a few days after your birthday when he had a meltdown over how he acted and he begged for you to tell him if there was any man or pirate alive that you would have been with other than him and… that fucking cat pirate was the one you chose. Oh, he was handsome and he dressed so sharply, and you felt you had bragging rights over how well he dressed because he was your first true customer that you had repeated business with.

It was a dagger to Buggy’s heart, over and over and over again. 

“What’s got you so upset?” You asked when he stopped responding, slumped on the floor with an almost empty bottle of rum beside him. You moved the bottle and knelt beside him, touching his shoulder. “You feel okay, honey?”

“Are you leaving me for Kuro?” He whimpered, refusing to look at you because he just knew the answer. You’d be happier with a better dressed pirate than with Buggy. It was startling when you chuckled and kissed him on the cheek.

“No, no. I’m not leaving you for cat-boy.” You told him as you tried to coax him to look at you. “I was getting your birthday present, Buggy, to show you how much I love you.”

He sniffled, lifting his head to see you taking your shirt off. A look of confusion crossed his face as you turned yourself to show him your arm, revealing a tattoo of his jolly roger. 

“This isn’t your only present, y’know, I’m gonna make you a feast.” You said as he sat up quickly, trying to get a closer look, but the alcohol was hitting him and he slumped against you, looking up with large, watery eyes as you stroked his cheek gently. “I love you, Buggy, and I’m never leaving you.”

That… that helped. He felt better after that, though still had doubts.

~

The conversation about kids was… not what he anticipated. He thought you’d want kids right away, he saw how you were around children, how your eyes lit up at the family gatherings each year when you got to see all the kids(he loved the look of horror each year on your aunt’s face when the two of you showed up, she didn’t expect the marriage to last). He watched you pick up your cousin’s baby - he was two years younger than you and his wife just had their first kid. Your eyes lit up and Buggy watched your face soften with a smile he hadn’t seen before. 

He waited until you two were alone to ask. To his surprise you snorted at his question and gave him a kiss. “Not just no, but hell no.” 

“Wait, what?”

“Buggy, I like what we have now. Maybe someday we can have cute little kids but not right now.” You told him as you patted his cheeks gently. “And I don’t think we’re ready at all. Kids can be a discussion in a few years, okay?”

“Oh thank God.” Buggy sighed as he slumped against you, wrapping his arms around you and tightening them around you. “I can’t deal with that right now.”

You laughed softly and kissed him again, wrapping your arms around his neck as you leaned against him. “Neither can I, honey.” You smiled and looked up at him, pulling him down and bumping your forehead against his gently before kissing the tip of his nose. “I love you, Buggy. Thank you for talking to me about this.”

He blushed but didn’t look away as he hugged you. “Love you too, babe.”

~

It was a yearly thing for him to drink and reminisce about the good ol’ days as an apprentice on Roger’s crew. It was always the anniversary of his former captain’s execution. The first time you witnessed it he didn’t explain it to you, just grabbed bottles and bottles of alcohol to drink with the crew while you waited for an explanation on why this was happening. It wasn’t until you wrangled him to bed after he was strutting around the ship, saying he was still a great swimmer even though he was a Devil Fruit power. Before he could jump over the ship to demonstrate this, you grabbed him by the back of the pants and dragged him to the bedroom for him to sober up and explain. 

Buggy slumped on the bed, not bothering to take his shoes off so you helped him. He giggled, face lighting up as you helped get him comfortable for the night.

“I got the best wifey.” 

“And I have the best hubby.” You chuckled as you glanced up at him. “Can you tell me now what the drinking is for?”

“I drink to my captain!” Buggy told you excitedly, pumping his fist up to the air. “H-He was executed on this day eight years ago! I drink in his honor and to hi-his memory!”

“Oh.” 

You didn’t question him further, just made sure he was comfortable that night. The years going forward, you made sure he was safe, had a reasonable amount of alcohol, and put him to bed. He never talked about it the next day, either because he didn’t want to or didn’t remember, you weren’t sure but you figured if he wanted to talk he would. 

~

You were eleven years into this marriage. It… it was fine. It wasn’t too exciting, nor was it incredibly boring. It was just fine for you. Buggy let you take on certain roles on the ship, mostly just making sure everyone looked their best in their clothes so long as he was the best dressed. He trusted you weren’t leaving him any longer, which made it easier for you to slip out of bed in the morning to start breakfast for the two of you.

It was just right.

This morning was no different. He had his fill of alcohol the night before at the local pub with some of the crew, leaving you on the ship for a peaceful night. Buggy managed to stumble his drunken self back to the ship without falling into the water. He was sleeping off the alcohol, head under the covers as he laid curled up next to you. You woke up with him in your arms, but you managed to slip away from him. You were going to wait to start breakfast, wanting to run out to the shops first to pick up some goods before the crowds started.

Buggy stirred, peeking out from under the blankets with a grumpy expression as you got dressed. He lifted his head up just a bit before letting it fall back on the pillows. “What’re you doing?”

“Getting dressed.” You told him, keeping your voice soft as you pulled your shirt on. “I’m going to get some things. Any special requests?”

Buggy nodded, mumbling something under the blankets. You walked over and pulled them back just enough for him to mutter it to you, asking for some apples and peanut butter. He finished the last jar a week ago and had been wanting it. You rolled your eyes and kissed him on the forehead. You needed to buy two and hide them from him, apparently the last jar wasn’t hidden well enough.

“I’ll grab that for you. Anything else?”

“D’you hafta go?” He whined softly. “I want cuddles.”

“I’ll be back, honey.” You assured him as you made sure the blankets were keeping him covered. “I’ll have breakfast ready for you when you wake up, okay?”

“Promise?” 

“Promise I’ll have breakfast-”

“Promise you’ll be back?” He lifted his head again, pouting up at you. 

“Oh, of course I’ll be back.” You chuckled softly as you kissed his forehead. “I’ll be gone for a few hours, honey, but I’ll be back.” 

He frowned sleepily but nodded, settling back down under the blankets. You gave his shoulder a squeeze and tucked the blankets around him once more before you grabbed your wallet and headed out. It shouldn’t take too long to collect what you needed, but you were excited to be at this village. You hadn’t been there in over twenty years and you wondered if there had been any changes to it.

And you enjoyed walking around as you collected your goods, putting them in your bags and basket as you chatted with the vendors about what they were selling, how the weather had been lately, just little things that weren’t related to piracy. You loved your life but having a conversation that wasn’t about what Richie had eaten the night before to upset his stomach was nice. 

Your last stop was for peanut butter which you found in a little shop near the docks. It was a cute little place, selling all kinds of tasty ingredients and foods, but you only bought the peanut butter, knowing you could easily go broke buying all the fancy ingredients in the shop. Maybe if Buggy ever became incredibly rich and had lots of treasure you could think of something like that.

You bid farewell to the shopkeep as you stepped out of the shop, not watching where you were going. Something bumped into you, startling you, and when you turned to apologize, your voice caught in your throat. As far as you were aware, you were very sober so what was this you were seeing in front of you?

“Hey, watch it!” The kid in front of you snapped, glaring daggers up at you. His blue hair and bright red nose was very familiar to you.

Oh, oh no, what was going on?

#buggy the clown #sunny x buggy #buggy the clown x you #buggy the clown x reader #buggy the clown x oc #opla buggy the clown #opla buggy #opla buggy the clown x reader #opla buggy the clown x oc #opla buggy the clown x you #buggy x reader #buggy x you #buggy x oc #opla buggy x reader #opla buggy x you #opla buggy x oc

[sp1rit-realm]

༻¨*:· 𝐅𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 ·:*¨༺

༻¨*:· summary ·:*¨༺ james falls out of love; you go on a vacation.

༻¨*:· notes ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 angst 𖦹ANGST 𖦹 hurt/no comfort 𖦹 guys this is pretty sad 𖦹 read at your own caution 𖦹 ANGST 𖦹 i did not proofread this⎝(ˊ0ˋ)⎠

༻¨*:· word count ·:*¨༺ 𖦹 696

You sat on the balcony of a hotel room, looking across the vast ocean. You wished it would swallow you—then the animals that lurked there would have something to eat, and you would have a purpose. It was hard to feel like you had any purpose these days. You thought maybe going on vacation would clear your mind. That's what all the movies say. They tell you that a vacation will solve all your problems, you'll run into a handsome man and fall in love, and he will love you back. Now you weren't sure of any of that. You weren't sure love was guaranteed. 

You had love once, and he left.

"James?" You asked. He hadn't answered your question—too busy staring at something else—someone else.

"Sorry," It took a second for his eyes to meet yours, "What was the question?"

You sighed.

"It's— never mind." You gave up as your eyes followed his. They landed on a beautiful girl with red hair and emerald eyes.

You closed your eyes, and a breeze swirled your hair around. You saw his eyes. Why is it you always saw his eyes? Wherever you looked, you saw his eyes.

"Who is that?" You asked, still following James's eye line.

"Her name is Lily," He said dreamily.

You could feel him falling, slipping through your fingers. You didn't want to believe it.

Gathering your jumbled thoughts and memories, you stood up—maybe the ocean would help clear your mind.

You slipped on your sandals; the black straps hugging your feet transported you to a happier time.

"It's almost sandal season, babe," James said as he sat in the pedicure chair, "Gotta keep the toes looking fresh and flamboyant."

All you could do was giggle. It was the first time he called you "babe."

"Sandal season," You murmured.

"Fucking sandal season," You said louder.

It was common for your sadness to turn into anger and vice-versa. How could James leave you? 

You walked to the beach, and your sadness felt silly. It had been a year and a half, and you still hadn't moved on. You should've moved on by now, right? He moved on before he left, and here you were, standing on sand, shoulders hunched, with unshed tears in your eyes.

You walked towards the water, focused on a shell. As you went to pick it up, a child screamed. "That's my shell!" He yelled.

Then, you heard it. You heard him.

"Harry, I don't think that shell's yours."

You turned your neck so hard it hurt.

James was looking down at Harry, ruffling up his hair. "You'll have to excuse my son. He's very," Then he looked at you. His mouth went dry, "He really likes the shells."

"He can take this one," You mumbled, "It's not mine, either." You walked over and handed the small boy the shell. He smiled, and your heart ached. His smile was just like James's.

"What do we say, Harry?" James asked, looking back down at his son.

"Thank you!" Harry excitedly spoke, staring at the conch in awe.

James wouldn't stop staring at her. Everywhere you went, she seemed to be there. And every time, James would stare. His pupils would go wide, and your heart would stop beating at the sight of it. 

Your boyfriend was in love with someone else.

"Thank you," James parroted his son.

"No problem. Again, it's not mine."

"Why?" You asked while tears spilled from your eyes.

"I just..." James paused, "I don't love you anymore. I'm so sorry."

"Why am I not good enough, James?"

"It's not that you're not good enough," He tried to console you; it didn't work.

"I'll be better, James. I'll do better. We can fix this, right?"

He shook his head.

"I can fix this. I'll be better," You repeated, "I'll love you better, James."

"I can't give you the love you're giving me, Y/n. I'm sorry." He stared at his shoes.

You stayed silent, and the atmosphere was damp with tears—heavy with the pieces of a broken heart.

"What did I do wrong?"

You had so many questions, and James didn't have any answers. 

He was no longer yours.

mutuals ༄₊࿒*

@forourmoons @sw34terw34ther @masivechaos @innerloverpainter @nyxxxxxxxx @evergreenlover

#james potter angst #james potter x reader

[downtoncoquetteroach]

Notes: First of all I'm truly sorry for taking so long on this chapter, the AO3 curse is very real that's all I'll say. I'm already working on the fifth chapter so I'll do anything I can to post it asap. This was such fun to write I hope you have a blast too. Thank you for reading ⭐

TW: Swearing, a little bit of angst, cum mentions and lots of ugly sweaters.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter Four: ✨You don't have to whisper ✨

Y/n was late, the train was almost leaving Hogsmeade station and she was nowhere to be seen, Neville was nervously taping his feet, looking out through the window, waiting for her but nothing. Maybe it was a setup, she wasn't really going to her grandma's and the invitation to stay with them for the holidays was a joke, no, no, she was really his friend (his best friend actually) and she wouldn't do that. But then again why such a cool, nice, beautiful girl would hang out with him? No, he shouldn't be doubting her, their connection was real, she really cared for him. He closed his eyes, repeating calming memories from the past months with y/n and telling himself that everything will be okay. Then suddenly the door opened. It was Y/n all agitated and without breath

Neville! I thought I lost you oh Godric, I'm so glad I found you!

She sat right beside him and put her hand over his while smiling and looking at him with such relief it made him smile back, while he started to relax a bit, the door opened again, Fred Weasley appeared and Neville's heart stopped.

Fred was about to say something while catching his breath too but his smile faded when he saw y/n's hand over Neville's. Y/n seemed oblivious to all of this, more focused on calming herself and not surprised at all by the redhead presence. Fred sat in front of them and while he did that, George got in too, taking a seat beside his twin and saying hi to Neville.

Neville felt a tension building in his stomach as Fred spoke looking at him directly

So, this is where the fun never ends? What are you two up to?

As you very well know, we were barely able to catch the train, so, not much - y/n responded, finally removing her hand away from Neville's.

Y/n took off her scarf and her hair got stuck on her bracelet, while she was trying to fix it Neville noticed a couple of hickeys on her neck. He inmeadetly looked down at his shoes and felt an urgent necessity to run away but he didn't knew exactly why. Fred spoke again, this time with a bit of anger on his voice

So, shouldn't you be with the other toddlers Longbottom?

Wtf, his just a year younger- y/n snapped at him- and he can be wherever he wants - she was visibly pissed

Oh don't worry his always like this -George said - he has an old man complex, he found a long hair on his nose on Tuesday and suddenly he feels like his in charge of everyone -George intervention was kinda amusing but he was giving his twin a warning look.

I should go - Neville stood up but y/n took his hand again

No! You don't have to

I- It's not that, I -I have to give something to Ginny, see you when we got to London.

Neville squeezed her hand giving her a soft reassurance smile and left the compartment.

Her gaze followed him until the door was closed again and then she finally encounter Fred's eyes, his right eyebrow was almost reaching his hair line

So? - he asked - what's the meaning of this?

Meaning of what?

Holding hands with the child and what was that about London?

He's just a year younger, you don't have to be so ridiculous about it! and he's my friend and I invited him home for Christmas.

WHAT!?

Ok that's my cue to go - George got up and left the room too.

Am I not allowed to have friends or?

He's not a friend, he's clearly in love with you.

He is not!

You bet he his

How do you know?

I saw it all over his face just a minute ago sweetheart

You know, jealousy doesn't fit you Weasley

Well you don't fit with him

You are so immature

And you are so naive

Why are you like this?!

Because you invited him for Christmas

So what?! You are acting like a jealous boyfriend!

Well I Am your boyfriend!

What?! You haven't even asked me, you haven't even spoke to me in months!

I don't have to ask! I was literally just inside you! You still have my cum on your socks!

Harry Potter had opened the carriage door in that very moment and he looked incredible shocked, a red blush crawling over his face, he was frozen but then finally said

Okay I was just looking for Neville but, what's another trauma, right? Merry Christmas both of you.

Y/n saw him leaving with her mouth open, the hole situation was out of control. She needed space so she got up and left to hide in the toilet forever while Fred was rolling over his seat, laughing so hard she thought he will die.

Neville finally found Luna and Ginny and while he entered their compartment he finally ask them out loud

Okay, how do you know when you are in love?

Ginny grew the biggest smile on her face and exclaimed while pointing her finger at him:

I knew it!

***********************************

The first days at y/n's grandma were as happy and cozy as they could imagine, full of cookies and hot chocolate, listening her stories of the wild youth she had with her husband. Y/n's Grandpa was death but her grandma looked as in love with him as if it was the first day of their marriage. Neville had been concerned about meeting her because he thought everyone's grandma was just like his but he couldn't have been more wrong. She was incredibly affectionate towards him, she had allowed him to check on his husband record collection and even danced with him every night before heading to bed. They shared tea and talked endlessly about the plants in her garden while walking slowly hanging on his arm.

Y/n seemed pleased, as if she had guessed they would get along so well, but they had been a little more quiet among each other's company since the incident on the train, so y/n decided to talk to him that night instead of squirming on her bed overthinking.

She got up and went to the guests room, knocking on his door, getting no response. She insisted but nothing happened, so she considered going back to her room but she couldn't stand the uncertainty so she just opened the door and got inside.

It was dark and Neville was sleeping so she jumped on the bed and woke him up. He looked surprised but instead of sending her away he opened the blankets, letting her in.

They were laying down face to face when he whispered

Are you ok?

You don't have to whisper, my grandma is kinda deaf and her room is downstairs, so don't worry

Oh, ok - Neville continued whispering without noticing and they both laughed for a while until y/n said

I thought you were mad at me

Why would I be?

I don't know, that thing on the train, Fred was such a wanker

Oh, that, uhm no, it's ok, i just didn't knew you were back together or something

We are not, I mean we weren't even together in the first place..., its complicated

That's why you didn't tell me?

No! I, it was all so sudden, we didn't spoke before that day, I swear.

You don't have to swear, I mean you are entitled to your own secrets and all

No, Its not a secret, we kinda fixed things before leaving Hogwarts but, on the train we fought again so, I don't know, I told you, its complicated

So, you were not speaking and then you hooked up and then you fought ?

Ugh it's sounds so stupid when you put it like that

Neville laughed

Why are you fighting now?

Uhm, you, actually

Yeah, I had a feeling he didn't liked me that much anymore

He's just being stupid, don't worry it's not your fault

But why? What did I did to him?

Ahm...well, he's sorta jealous of you

Neville's face went pale, y/n even noticed despise the darkness of the room

But it's really not your fault Neville, besides, we are not a couple, at least not yet and I don't even know if we will ever be...

Y/n went silent, lost in her own thoughts, she looked really pretty, Neville talked without thinking

I don't even know how he could be jealous of me, I mean, compared to him I am nothing

Y/n snapped back to reality and frown her eyebrows in disbelief

How can you said that Neville you are as good as anyone, no, really, I mean you are kind and cool and smart and thoughtful and

Oh that sounds so menacing for someone like Fred -Neville laughed a little bitterly

Are you serious right now? Any girl would be lucky to have you

I don't see a line, but, you don't have to say those things, its ok, just leave it, I get it

No, you really don't, and I'm not saying it to be polite, he has every reason to be jealous of you

She suddenly realized what she had just implied, they went silent again and just stared at each other, Neville's heart was racing when he raised his hand and gently pulled her hair out of her face.

Y/n felt his finger caressing her cheek and her stomach flipped, his eyes were roaming her features with such longing she felt breathtaking. Neville gulped and the bravery that had taken control over his body, abandoned him in an instant, he retrieved his hand and sighed.

Y/n broke the tension realizing she haven't told him about the surprise for the weekend

Neville are you ready for the big event this weekend?

Christmas?

No! Tomorrow I'll take you to a real muggle party.

#neville longbottom fluff #fred weasly x reader #neville longbottom x reader #hp #hp fandom #weasley twins #fred weasley #neville longbottom #neville longbottom x you

[viennacherries]

what is your favourite thing that you’ve ever written?

this maybe isn't the answer you were looking for/expecting, and it's a little bit personal/deep, so sorry for that.

my actual favourite thing i've ever written is the eulogy i wrote and spoke at my mum's funeral. she passed when i was 16 after a long battle with cancer, but her passing was still very sudden. we were told she had about 6 months just days before she died.

it was more of a 'celebration of life' rather than an actual funeral. my mum wasn't religious and we wanted it to reflect on her more rather than a god she didn't believe in. it was amazing. friends she hadn't seen in years travelled from across the country and even the world to come and say goodbye to her. there were so many people that we didn't have enough chairs, and the room was completely full because people had to stand at the back and sides.

i've put it below the cut, if anyone wants to read it. it's obviously very emotional, so be prepared. but it's also very hopeful, in a way that i think you have to be when you experience a profound loss.

i turn 21 in just over a week, and i think about her and this speech around my birthday. 16 year old cher was very scared, but hopeful that things would get better, and im glad she was right.

I think everyone is aware of the fact they'll have to say goodbye to their parents someday from quite a young age. I think the problem is I never imagined it would be this soon.

To an extent I had prepared myself when mum was first diagnosed with cancer. I had to accept that there was a chance I had to say goodbye. But then I didn’t have to.

I never got the chance to prepare this time. Maybe that's what feels so bittersweet. Would things have been different if I’d known sooner? If I'd known the last time would be the last time. Would I hug her tighter? Would I say all the things I needed to say?

Or would I have just never let go?

Would any of the words felt right? Would any of it have felt enough? Or would I have spent forever regretting the words I misspoke or the ones I missed? Maybe this way is better because it was unclouded by the fear of the future.

There are so many things I wish I'd told her. That I didn't blame her. That it wasn’t her fault. That I loved her more than she knew. That I hoped she found peace.

I really hope she has. I think in my heart I know she has.

I see her in everything. In the sunset and the sunrise when the sky is clear. In every Robin or Blue Tit that seems a little too calm around me, that lands a little too close or sings extra loudly. I see her in the kindness others give me, because I know she has inspired it because they loved her. It's like she’s talking to me. Like it's her telling me things will be okay. When I hug my family or friends I hold on extra tight as though it's her, and I never ever want to let go.

I think something I hadn't considered is how hard listening to music would be. Because suddenly all these words have a new meaning and you hear them in a way you never have before. Or a song comes on that I know she loved and I realise I'll never hear her sing it again or watch her dance to it while we're stopped at traffic lights.

For the last four years people have told me how strong I am. I don’t think it's true. I think she was strong. She pushed through every day. She put up with [brother's name] and I at our worst and our best. she brought people joy and she made people feel loved. She never stopped fighting. I don’t think I'm strong, I don't think any of us are. I think every day she kept going she gave everyone a little bit of her strength. I think she made us strong by being strong. I think her strength inspired ours. Everything I am is her. Some days I look in the mirror and I feel like I'm looking at her, if not for the way I look then for the person I am. Because I'm a reflection of her. Of everything she taught me. I have always lived every single day of my life trying to make her proud. I hope wherever she is she knows I'll never stop.

She always gave the best advice, even on the days where it wasn't what I wanted to hear or I got angry because I didn’t think I agreed, she always knew what to say. I only wish I could ask her one more thing.

What do I do now? What happens from here? How do I keep going without you?

I'd like to think that I know what she'd say. She'd tell me I'm strong. She'd tell me she's with me. She'd tell me she believes in me and she'd hold my hand.

All of my memories of mum right now are painful. Because I know they're just memories. But they make me hopeful because I can hold onto them forever. They make me hopeful because someday remembering her won't hurt, it'll feel warm and I'll feel love. Someday we'll all be okay.

Our memories of mum keep her alive. Even when she’s gone. I want you all to think of her and when you do, I want you to smile, just like she always made us all smile.

Remember her with love. Remember who she was. She loved you.

So to you mum. Because I know you're here and I know you're listening. I hope you see how loved you are. I hope you feel it. I hope you know I don't blame you. I hope you know it wasn't your fault. I hope you've found peace. I hope you know just how much I love you. How much we all do. I can't wait to see you again.

#cher chats #tw cancer #tw mourning #tw grief #cancer #mourning #grief #grief poetry

[cazzyf1]

Thessa von Trips (Wolfgang Von Trip's mother) diary entry about Wolfgang, the preface to a biography about Wolfgang.

(Translated from German using google translate so parts don't 100% make sense)

Warning: you might cry

Started on some gray November day...

This book is for you!

This book should record a part of our lives. We both wanted it that way then - today, it is different. The pages are no longer complete. I took them out!

It would be unbearable to know that I would only have to open the pages two or three times to read your poem, to see your writing! When you left, I couldn't understand it, and to this day I still can't believe that you're no longer there! I dream of you, and when I run to the mailbox in the morning to find a greeting from you from somewhere, I am unspeakably sad and awake at the same time.

You often looked at me with astonished eyes when we talked about religion. I told you that I only believe in nature, and your objection was that nature was created by God, so it must be there. You believed in him, but why, why did he destroy everything? Because he loved you? That would be too cheap a consolidation for me. Why? Will there ever be an answer?

I think you were too good for this world. Perhaps if you had your eyes open to all the intrigue and evil around you, you would have saved from becoming evil.

You would probably have hard can be, but never insincere, let alone selfish. You believed that the people around you meant what they were saying, and you seemed content. How hard it hit you when you once did that. You had to experience the opposite; only I know. We were both suffering. You because you just couldn't understand it, I because I didn't know any consolation that could help you. Because whatever I said you didn't want to understand it. You never wanted thanks - just understanding. And what did you harvest? You were taken advantage of and certain people used your back as a jumping platform. According to the motto: “Everyone is their own neighbour!”

I don't want to and can't think about it anymore. My heart hurts! Please forgive me, I know you are sad when I have thoughts like that. I want to try to listen to you. When I think of you, I am happy. Only then. You took the word “happiness” with you. It's no longer there. It lives in me together with the thought of you. You probably know how often my thoughts are with you. I hold on tightly to it so that life doesn't become unbearable. Sometimes everything is just so damn difficult. Everything reminds me of you: cities, countries, music,

Maybe later, much later, I'll go wherever we would be happy. Then I'll run after a time that will never exist again because it stood still when you left.

Do you know that the idea that I already knew back then, the connection. Is it a gift to you that I might give back at some point or make me very, very happy? I wish that all the women in the world could be as happy as I once was for just a few minutes. It's enough for a lifetime! I thank you!

I often think about your words. They still ring in my ears today. Words whose meaning I didn't understand at the time. I couldn't do it either. You pointed the meaning of your thoughts and feelings then. And I hear the shrill ringing of the phone in the night and then your voice. How many times have I experienced this, a hundred times I have tormented myself with it.

I was afraid I wouldn't be able to help you. The word in general - no, the concept of fear - how different it appears. How many fears have I endured for you? I think you have to be afraid in order to be able to love. When you “have yourself again,” you know what a gift you have. Fear and love - two completely different words. And yet they belong together. I think of your words:

"The most important thing in life is living and sometimes I think we are already dead and we just don’t know it yet!”

That was four years ago in Milan.

I didn't want to understand your words, I couldn't understand how you - just now so unspeakably satisfied - came to this outburst. All I knew was that the fear that was almost squeezing my throat at that moment would never leave again.

And then everything came at once.

It was at this time that I learned to value minutes. I know how much you still have in seconds and that two or three words can be the greatest treasure in the world. Because they can take away the fear and tension and give happiness and satisfaction.

Just a few words... and yet they are the most important thing in life.

Why am I writing to you? Maybe to relieve myself. Maybe also to free myself from the pressure that rests on me. It feels so good to say everything and say everything you would never say!

My thoughts are with you more than ever and it is so difficult to always be composed and maintain my composure. How often do I ask myself: “What’s all this for?"

It has become so pointless and everything is so empty. Tears are the only salvation. They help, as grotesque as that may sound.

How many times have I read your letters. I'll know them by heart soon. It's the few moments when I'm happy, as always, when my thoughts are with you.

I will never forget any of your words. Your gestures are familiar to me and your fear is also clear to me.

I could paint your face with my eyelids closed - if I had the talent.

I thank you for everything! I will always think of our melody: "Love is here to stay for ever - love is imperishable!"

It will be so!

Please, teach me to live on.

Good night

My love

My love forever

#yeah so this killed me #first three pages in #the pain #and so I had to share naturally #i will take down notes and quotes from this book to share once i have finished reading #but that will probably be in a few months as this is a big book #classic f1 #f1 #formula one #formula 1 #vintage f1 #wolfgang von trips #taffy

[lightwing-s]

Got tagged by my lovely Nessie at @igotanidea

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

I'll be tagging: only @angelltheninth and @millyhelp because I have no one else to tag lol

How many works do you have on AO3?

It's a shame really that I've never been an AO3 user. I recognize that's the best place for a fic writer to be but I was always so used to tumblr that I feared migrating and not getting a new platform. But lmk if you think I should start publishing there as well

What’s your total A03 word count?

//

What fandoms do you write for?

I write mostly Dick and Jason, but I do all the BatBoys + Bruce, Narnia and now COD, but I’m also open to write for a few other Marvel, Harry Potter and other fandoms I also enjoy. So it’s always wise to ask me if I write a certain character because I might eventually do.

What are your top five fics by kudos?

//

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I love receiving comments, be it on replies or reblogs, they always bring a smile on my face wherever I am. However, sometimes I feel like I’d be bothering people if I replied (????), like idk, so I most commonly don’t but in my head I’m having full on conversations with everyone lol. I feel like I need to change this and interact more with my readers.

New Year resolution, perhaps?

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Maybe 'I'll Show You' or 'Gravity', but I'm not even sure those count. I noticed I always make my fics have a happy ending.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I love happy ending fics, so I mostly write them. I’m not sure which one is the happiest though. 'Hello Officer' has a pretty good happy ending imo.

Do you get hate on your fic?

Thankfully not!

Do you write smut?

Yep, although I feel like it’s not my best quality. I’m getting better though, I feel, and it’s not as hard for me to write it as it once was.

Do you write crossovers?

Never been the biggest fan of the trope/genre

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Again, thankfully not.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not this one either

Have you ever co-written a fic?

Me and my friend had some plans a few years ago, but never came to do it. I’m open to doing it though.

What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

MonDler (Friends), Percabeth (PJandTO), Spitfire (Young Justice)

What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Gravity — Jason Todd x Reader

What’s your writing strengths?

Comfort moments, certain descriptions of feelings, and definitely backstories!

What’s your writing weaknesses?

I’ll put here: smut (I had never written it before last year, so I’m slowly getting better at it); vocabulary, as English is not my first language, and writing speed haha.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I feel like it has to be done in a way that will not get in the way of the reader’s reading, specially if they don’t know the language and might struggle to understand and keep up with the story. I like it to a certain degree, it has to be done write for it to work I guess.

First fandom you wrote for?

First fandom I wrote for and posted or the first I’ve EVER written for? Those are two different answers haha. The first question would be DC/BatBoys, the second would be One Direction.

ACTUALLY!!! I did have a One Direction tumblr with a few friends back in like 2014? They were probably first that I wrote for AND published lol.

Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Has to be "I want to k__ you". Starting from the title, I think I wrote it as perfectly as I could and finished it on a nice note.

#tag game #i had forgotten to post this lol

[mytardisisparked]

20 Writer Questions

Was tagged by @emilie786!

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

I currently have 46! I have a couple sittin' in the crockpot tho hehe.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

164,375

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Historically, I have written for Star Wars and Star Trek. Right now I am writing for The X-Files :)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

My top 5 are all older fics of mine: "When Sunrise Comes Early," "From the Depths of My Two Brain Cells," "The Voyager Bunch," "Ex Equis Scientia," "I'll Always be Around, Wherever Life Takes You"

5. Do you respond to comments?

Absolutely.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmmmm hard to say because I tend to end even my angstiest fics on a hopeful note.... I guess maybe "Night Visions?" Or, I'm sure there's a one-shot back in Ye Olde Star Wars collections somewhere that was extra angsty, but I am not going back to read those right now because I have neither the time nor fortitude.

However, I will be publishing something during Merry Month of Cohen that is p angsty so keep an eye out for that he he :)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, hard to say because I end almost all of my fics on a happy/hopeful note. I feel like maybe "Blessed Be The Man?" I really liked the way that one ended.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. I've had some... aggressive? comments before that bordered on rude, but they never seemed to be coming from a place of hate. Usually, it's just people who enjoyed the story but made the presumption of telling me an element they had wished was different in a way that was not very politely worded. I don't take a lot of offense to it. I'm not popular or controversial enough to get actual hate comments lol.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nah bro. I get giggly and weird when writing a kiss scene; what the characters do beyond that is none of my business lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Not really? I tried writing a Star Trek Voyager/Star Wars crossover once but never finished it because it was not clicking. Other than that,,,,,,,, I guess @well-and-true and I keep having our Treksonas do holodeck programs based on The X-Files, which hasn't really been ficced (yet) but it's fun to imagine! Lots of shenanigans.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not in the manner that this question is asking, but I do consider the AI scrapping stuff to be theft and I'm not cool about it.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

Nope.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! With @emilie786.

I've also done a LOT of idea bouncing with @baylardo @jellybeansarecool @elephant-in-the-pride-parade @maliciousalice @well-and-true and, while it hasn't turned into official co-writing (yet :]), their ideas and conversations and artwork have all been *deeply* valuable acts of collaboration. It's not co-writing in the official AO3 sense, but their words of encouragement and ideas are inseparably woven into almost all of my works from the last couple years.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I am very much impacted by the ole Hyperfixations so my favorite ship will almost always be whatever I am currently obsessed with. I never stop loving ships though. They are always lurking in the back of my mind. And sometimes they cycle back to the front. (right now I am DEEP in the MSR pit hehehe)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ummmmmm I outlined an extremely ambitious fic based on the Threshold!AU that would be multichap to the extreme and I LOVE it a whole lot but I am not sure I will ever have the fortitude or attention span to actually write the whole thing. I want to so bad.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I like the way I write movement and nonverbal comm. I also like my dialogue, once I get a good understanding of the way a character talks (it can take a bit).

Aside from that, I like my comedy. I love love love writing comedy. I love the beat of it, I love the nitty-gritty of correctly timing it, I love that it can be dry or slapstick or subtle or witty, I love that it can be situational. I'm not a perfect comedy writer, but it's a shoe that fits me well and, IMO, I continue to fit better and better as I learn and practice.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

HOO BOY well,,,, lately I feel like I have been struggling with "show don't tell." IDK why. I also hate how often I start sentences with "He" or "She" and I wrestle with finding more interesting ways of beginning sentences. I mostly write short-form fics, but I am working on a multi-chap fic right now and I have discovered that longform plots can be difficult to wrangle. I just wanna skip the "plot" and get to the good stuff (the significant character scenes).

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

If I could I would.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Way back in Yonder Years of fanfiction.net, I wrote for Marvel. Specifically, Captain America and Agent Carter. You will never find them.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

And Still, The Sea is Salt. I wrote it 2 years ago and it is still, IMO, my best work. It's a little more.... niche? of a ship and fandom (Pike/Una, Star Trek SNW) but I liked the story I told and the way I told it. And the poem I incorporated into it.

I also really liked my very first Star Trek: Enterprise fic, "Parent-Teacher Association," because I felt like I nailed the characterization and (as prev mentioned) I LOVE writing comedy.

This was fun! Tagging: @singeart, @elephant-in-the-pride-parade @jellybeansarecool @gaitwae @more-better-words @jenksel and anyone else who wants to

#I realized today that #while I only have 46 'works' on AO3 #if you count out my oneshot collections #as individual fics #i have published 106 fics on ao3 #which is absurd #I used to be such a prolific writer #now I publish maybe 10 fics a year #maybe #what was I on before???? #ANYWAY LOL #I really like reading when people do these #its so fun to hear people talk about their processes and stuff

[rainbowsky]

so today my mom was over at my place and my desktop background is a picture of xiao zhan from his winter solstice shoot, and when she saw it she asked who the hottie was and i had to restrain myself bc it was not the time place or the right person to info dump to! luckily or maybe unfortunately as an autistic person "conceal don't reveal" is a thing at which i excel alkjhslkdjf

but that got me wondering if i could perhaps ask for your perspective and experience with this, since i know you are also autistic. i find it very difficult to determine how much of my hyperfixations and special interests are safe to reveal to others and i've had some not so great reactions before so now i tend to keep up the mask and hold it all in, even with people close to me. as a result i know i probably come across as a very boring and negative person who is never interested in anything. i don't think i'm like that, but honestly i'm not sure anymore. i've pretended for so long i don't really know who i am.

do you share a lot with the people around you about your special interests? how do you know when where and to whom it's safe? does it all come down to surrounding yourself with good and understanding people that you're comfortable around and that accept you completely? writing it out now it looks so simple, like yes of course that's what i'm supposed to do! but how?? i don't know how to read people and on the occasions i have decided to trust someone and it turned out to be a huge mistake it feels really bad to be proven wrong, and being wrong lowers the chances that i'll open up again.

i can't help but fear that i will never be able to truly be myself around other people. in online spaces it's possible to stay anonymous and it's easy to just block and ignore the assholes, but it seems much harder irl. do you perhaps have any tips? since we have some of the same interests and your blog exudes a calm and accepting energy i feel like you would be a good person to ask. i hope it doesn't put you out.

thanks so much and take care! 💜

Hi Anon! 💖

It's not your job to protect people from your personality. I'm sad whenever I see this being taught to people, it's so wrong.

There is an affirmation that's been making the rounds for years that is so true: "You deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable."

A lot of neurodivergent people seem to carry the baggage of neurotypical people's disdain toward, impatience with and disrespect for the differences of others, and to that I say: BS. Their bigotry, ignorance and entitlement are not your problem.

A lot of the standards and expectations around how people 'should' be are a product of dominance culture (aka white supremacy culture). The belief that there is 'one right way' to be - and that the only way to be worthy and acceptable in society is to conform to that 'one right way' - is a core feature of dominance culture. That culture is one of the most destructive forces on the planet, and I urge everyone to root it out and dismantle it wherever they find it.

In fact there are many wonderful ways to be and live, and in a conformist world our choice to love ourselves, be ourselves and pursue self-actualization is a revolutionary act.

Of course we can and should work with others to build bridges across our differences and find ways to ensure that both people's needs get met in our relationships. But it's important that it is a two-way street, and not just a situation where we're doing all the adapting and accommodating and they're reaping all the benefits of being catered to*.

When that happens we end up having our value and self-esteem undermined while theirs is boosted, validated and affirmed. That only exacerbates the power imbalances and further erodes the relationship and our ability to build healthy, trusting connections.

*Contrary to popular belief, neurodivergent people spend their lives and a great deal of energy accommodating neurotypical people - not the other way around. The fairly recent, mostly tokenistic attempts to make spaces and cultures more 'ND-friendly' can't even hold a faint candle to the insane pretzels ND people have had to twist ourselves into for decades trying to 'fit in' and be accepted into a world which still caters almost exclusively to able-bodied, white, straight, cisgender, affluent, educated, neurotypical people.

So, to answer your question - be yourself, and in this way you will find your people.

Authenticity is the only way to build authentic relationships and connections.

If there are people in our lives who don't understand us and who treat our interests and our personalities as 'a problem', that's a problem that both sides need to address. We need to self-examine and make sure we are making space for the other person to express themselves, but they also need to do the same for us.

Balance is found by working together toward a common goal - a genuine connection between two people. Make sure that you both share that goal. Communicate your needs and ask them to share what their needs are as well.

Our needs matter.

Don't let them go unnoticed, unacknowledged and unmet. Not by you or anyone else.

We're all in fandom, we're all familiar with the concept of 'the confession'. This is actually an important concept in all relationships, not just romantic ones. Because in ALL relationships, being yourself is the ultimate act of love.

Just like a love confession, it requires vulnerability, trust and a desire to connect. When we reach out to someone to share some part of who we are inside, we are initiating a connection with that person and giving them the gift of our authentic self.

If they are unable or unwilling to accept that and meet us where we are, then they are probably not the right person for us to connect with, or else they aren't yet ready to connect.

That can be painful and can feel like a form of rejection, but I try to take those things as useful information, and treat my personality as a friend filter. Those who are put off by me aren't the right people for me to try to be close to. I want to surround myself with people who are able to be real with me and accept me and celebrate me for who I am (and vice versa).

Special interests are a big part of that, because they become so central in our lives. If we have people close to us who can't make space for us and our special interests in some way, then we will end up feeling lonely and invisible. That becomes even worse when we are shamed and ridiculed for our interests.

I go back to what I said before - our needs matter. If we work toward having truly reciprocal, equitable relationships where both people's needs are being met, we will be happier overall.

Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is a great place to start on that project.

Trust is hard. I am naive and trusting to a fault, and I have to lean heavily at times on others who have my best interests in mind, or else I end up being bullied or taken advantage of.

If you're struggling with that, I urge you to find someone you can truly trust (preferably multiple people) - such as a close friend or family member who has proved to truly have your best interests at heart, or if you can't find that, a therapist who understands your needs and vulnerabilities and can be a support and a sounding board - and get their help and advice in situations you're uncertain about.

If you can't find a therapist and you have no close people you trust, there are many online communities and groups where you can find like-minded people to bounce these things off of.

Most importantly, always remember that everything we say, do and think can only ever be a reflection of ourselves, our values, and what's in our hearts and minds. It can never be about anyone else.

If people treat you badly it's not because you're bad, it's because they are.

(or rather, because they're unexamined, unevolved, mean-spirited, in a dark place, self-focused to a fault, etc. etc. but that doesn't make as memorable a sound bite)

Don't let unexamined, unevolved, mean-spirited people, etc., etc. teach you to think or feel badly about yourself. Understand that hurtful criticism is about the other person and their expectations, values and attitudes, not about you.

Exercise healthy boundaries. Understand where the other person ends and where you begin, and refuse to take on things that aren't part of who you are. Ask yourself, "Do I truly agree with what this person is saying?"

Is what the other person claims true, fair, honest, and said in the spirit of compassion and connection, or was it said in a judgmental, self-absorbed (focusing on their needs at the exclusion of your own), punitive way? Are they trying to connect with you or are they trying to control or change you?

We can often have a tendency to hear criticism - particularly from those who we look up to or want to have a connection with - as truth being served to us by someone who sees something in us, when in most cases other people's criticism truly has nothing to do with us. It's about the other person and what they want.

This tendency to gobble up negative messages from others ties in with the nearly universal experience of imposter feelings - the idea that deep down inside we are unworthy, a fraud and an imposter, and it's only a matter of time before others will find us out and condemn us. This is another feature of dominance culture.

People are much more attuned to negative messages than to positive ones because of the deep, secret fear that we are bad. Which is so tragic, because the people who know us best and have our best interests in mind are the loving voices we tend to dismiss, while the mean-spirited messages from hurtful people are taken to heart.

But as I said before, their criticism has less to do with us and much, much more to do with who they are and what they want.

And what they want might not be right for us, so we should be cautious and considered in how we handle it. We need to unpack and examine it, and only take in what feels fair and helpful and can enrich our lives and lead to growth.

I know I say this a lot, but we should never let anyone else tell us who we are. We are the only experts on ourselves. If we are self-examined, honest and personally accountable, and if we are doing our best and acting in good faith, that is all anyone can ask of us.

So as I see it, you are dealing with two separate issues:

The internalized belief that you are 'too much' for neurotypical people to want to be around.

Issues around trust in relationships.

Recognizing these as two separate issues and reflecting on them as such might help a lot.

The first is an issue of self-acceptance. Only by looking at yourself as worthy and valuable and interesting can you go out into the world and take your place in relationships as an equal who has something appropriate to contribute rather than approaching it as though you are a burden.

Only by championing your own needs, traits and beautiful qualities as every bit as valid and important as the needs, traits and qualities of those around you will you find a balance and build relationships where you are appreciated and valued.

The second issue is something that takes time, but building trust means taking risks - there's no way around it.

Don't take other people's disappointing behavior personally. When we test the waters to see if someone is worthy of our trust and they show us they aren't - that's useful information about our incompatibilities with that person. It doesn't say anything about our selves, or about our worth as humans. All it tells us is that we are going to have to look elsewhere to find the right connection.

Long-winded and meandery, but I have a lot of thoughts on these topics because they're issues I've grappled with a lot in my life. I hope any of it is helpful, Anon. And I hope you find ways to be comfortable sharing more of yourself with others who can accept you and celebrate you for who you are.

I talked in more detail about conformity, acceptance and dealing with people who ridicule our interests/fandom here.

I talked more about dealing with issues around autism here.

EDIT: A couple of follow-up posts

About the limitations and barriers some people face with building in-person connections

Further tips and reading on self-esteem

#personal #autism is my botox #ask

[leofrith]

Ok I have 3 for you now that Mando is back but only do the ones that interest you:

1) top 5 dinluke moments that live only inside your head

2) top 5 din and grogu father-son moments

3) top 5 choices made by filoni and favreau across shows that make you want to Kill

you fool!! you absolute silly goose!!! i am answering all of them <3

top 5 dinluke moments that live only inside my head:

these are all just concepts for scenarios/whole ass fics that i'm currently turning over in my brain like a rotisserie chicken that i may or may not actually write someday lmao. dinluke is beginning to overtake my brain again like a parasite so i rambled a lot. sorry 🤡

the original trilogy au where din and luke meet on tatooine just before anh and when din is still relatively new to being a hunter, and they spend maybe a few weeks hanging out together and there's something there but nothing ever comes of it before din has to leave. and by the time they finally meet again a few years later, luke has become the hero that blew up the death star and din is essentially just a freelancer working odd jobs for the rebels sometimes and is convinced luke won't remember him but he does!! and as they become more entangled luke makes it his mission to convince din to formally join the rebellion but din keeps refusing because his first responsibility is to his covert and they keep getting pulled in opposite directions by duty :))))

force sensitive din au in which din has repressed his connection to the force since he was a kid and went through the trauma of watching his parents die but it forces itself to the surface in a situation in which he needs it to protect his son (because i adore parallels and i will drag this father-son dynamic into everything wherever possible). and now he's saddled with being a father to a little force sensitive powerhouse while dealing with his own abilities that he had buried down so deep that he forgot they even existed and it feels uncontrollable and unbearable and loud and luke teaches him to quiet his mind and train his abilities. when the Just Some Guy is suddenly overcome with an immense amount of power and has to figure out how to deal with it. <3333

din gets a bounty with just a vague description and a location and he gets there and realizes THAT'S MY HUSBAND so he obviously doesn't follow through but he very quickly realizes that half the other bounty hunters in the galaxy are ALSO after luke. so he spends the next little while batting away bounty hunters with a stick while also just trying to pay them off (which doesn't really work because, as always, he is flat broke) or negotiate because he knows most of these people through ✨networking✨ and he doesn't want to cause tension in the workplace by murdering his colleagues. and perhaps luke is mostly oblivious to all this, but i think he knows exactly what's going on and is just watching it all go down because it's extremely funny and he could easily take care of himself.

din (and possibly also grogu, but one thing at a time here) dies in the destruction of luke's jedi academy and he's toeing the line of the dark side to resurrect his husband from the dead. and he needs to navigate the world between worlds to get him back so he recruits ahsoka who has spent time there before but she's like absolutely the fuck not!! i've seen where this path leads, please stop. but luke, who is the force's favourite little guy, says fine i'll do it myself then. :) and....... idk i have some ideas of where this could go but i don't want to spoil anything. <3

din and luke are getting married and anakin (who maybe never fell to the dark side in the first place or.... something) is very unimpressed with this guy and din and anakin are going at it like jane fonda and jennifer lopez in monster in law because din dislikes anakin in every universe and this is a non-negotiable fact thank you. :)

the rest of these are going under a read more because this post is so fucking long dude 💀

top 5 din and grogu father-son moments:

chapter 15 the believer aka the best episode when din takes off his helmet in front of a bunch of imperials in the first instance of showing his face to any (living) being since he was a child and absolutely none of them can even begin to understand the significance of it. grogu obviously isn't even in the scene but din did that for his son so it counts. sickening i'm gonna be SICK.

the whole sequence when din goes back for grogu after delivering him to the imperials in chapter 3, but especially when they're surrounded and din is looking down at the baby bundled in his arms and knows they're both about to die. but i think he's at peace with his decision. and later when they're back on the razor crest and din gives grogu the ball he had just taken away from him at the beginning of the episode. that's growth, baby. clawing at the walls about it. din djarin you are a father now.

the entirety of chapter 10 the passenger. i don't care how many people want to complain about that episode being "filler," it is perhaps THE father-son episode of the show and one of my favourites of the season. just an entire episode of din being the World's Worst Uber Driver and grogu getting into Predicaments that his dad has to fix. it also gets a high rating on account of grogu's little baby run to his dad at the beginning of the episode. Kill Me.

chapter 4 sanctuary when din is contemplating leaving grogu on sorgan while watching him play with the village children and then when he's asking while not outright asking omera to take him in. the voice cracks. fuck you fuck you fuck you fu-

their goodbye in the s2 finale like I HATE that he showed his face for no reason don't get me wrong but the kid seeing his dad's face for the first time? if they had just fucking left the room to say their goodbyes and if that moment had just been for them as it should have been? SICKENING!!!!!!!

some honorable mentions include:

din trying to teach his son mechanics (badly, with osha violations)

din saying grogu's name repeatedly after finally learning it just because the kid's reaction is cute 😭

din holding grogu while he sleeps when he thinks grogu is going to stay with ahsoka 🥺

"this is the seeing stone, are you seeing anything??"

grogu holding his dad's boot while he's dying of a head wound in the s1 finale <3

top 5 choices made by filoni and favreau that make me want to Kill:

(i could literally name 5 from the past week. every day favriloni come up with new and exciting ways to piss me off)

ending season two of the mandalorian with din and grogu being separated, a massive event for the show, only to then have them reunite almost immediately and barely making an attempt to first explore what they were like and how they were feeling during their time apart and doing so ON A DIFFERENT SHOW. i will not elaborate. it's been done to death already. i want to Kill.

the mcuification of star wars is real and it is terrifying. every day i live in fear of cameos of beloved characters who have no reason to appear except to advertise their upcoming disney show and are completely out of character. i want to Kill.

din taking off his helmet in front of a bunch of people for absolutely no reason. it was so unnecessary. they could have at least gone to another room to say their goodbyes. i want to Kill.

literally everything they've done with live action ahsoka. who the FUCK is that? hashtag not my ahsoka. i want to Kill.

this one is a filoni specific crime. why do the clones look like that in tcw. do you genuinely think that's what temuera morrison looks like. i demand BLOOD!!!!!

#thank you never!! i went crazy :^) #answer #variantoutcast #ask games

[ceresprime]

Hello there! I just discovered your blog and have been reading through some of your reenactment posts and figured it was worth asking about if as long as it’s not too much trouble. I am very interested in the idea of getting involved with reenacting, but as a young non-male person it’s very intimidating and I’m not sure if it’s really within my abilities, given that I am a full time student, and thus far my inquiries to a specific regiment have gone unanswered. Would you be able to give me something like an overview or a “starter guide” for this kind of thing (what the commitment is like, what knowledge and training is necessary, what the general cost is, etc)? Your blog has already been a great resource in any case—thank you!!

Hello dear fellow non-male student history nerd!

I'm so happy to answer your queries and glad my blog has given you the perspective you desire! (also remind me to post about some of my last events...)

Here, I'll break down the commitment to this joining hobby of reenacting into categories: Demographic, Knowledge, Cost, Time, What Unit?, and of course a TL;DR.

Demographic

Anyone of any race, age, and gender can join the hobby! Does anyone criticize Hamilton for its actors not conforming to the demographics of the historical figures they portray? Reenacting should be a hobby for anyone who wants to. Some overarching organizations that coordinate reenacting groups are still hesitant in letting non-males join the ranks, but there are many units out there that do. (Although I speak for the New England area, mostly Rev War.)

As for the physical demands of the hobby, it can vary. A musket weighs 10lbs (4.5kg). As part of the light infantry, we run a lot. As part of the artillery, we also run a lot. Not all artillery is like that though. Grenadiers and battalion companies move a lot slower, marching in line typically.

Though, being a full-time student does pose the difficulty of cost and time. I'll talk more about that soon.

Knowledge

We learn as we go. Reenacting groups are always looking for new recruits, so they're willing to help you out, wherever your knowledge base is. Speaking for Revolutionary War British Army/Artillery reenacting, you would want to learn the 1764 Manual of Arms (these are the commands to handle your musket, video here) and marching (these are commands to move around the battlefield or parade ground) during your first or second year. Most groups have required drills to coordinate everyone (and ensure safety) before a season.

I'll post a quick guide of stuff you'd want to know sooner than later, again, for a soldier during the Revolutionary War.

Now, another part of this is public interaction! You wear a certain uniform, after all, so you and your unit are responsible for educating folks about who you are and your time period. Two things to know:

This is not all on you! Your group has done the research to create your uniform, so listen to them answer questions (and keep the answers in mind so you can answer that same question next time). It's perfectly okay to say you don't know and refer to someone else.

As an audience member, I was way too awkward to know what to ask or how to ask it. So it's your responsibility as a reenactor to invite questions or just ramble about history. People are there to hear you. If you've learned from your unit, talk about your uniform, or talk about some stories from the time period, or (my favorite go-to) explain how your gear works. People always want to know how a flintlock musket mechanism works. This part comes with time (and maybe watch my YouTube videos... once I make them).

Cost

Reenacting is definitely a commitment. Generally, the older the time period, the more expensive. From a Rev War perspective and as a full-time student that works during the summers, it's sorta affordable.

Both of my units have yearly membership fees ($25) to keep up with our insurance, but with one of them has a student discount.

Most units have loaner gear for newcomers to be set for the first year or two, as you're getting your own stuff. Before you read any more, follow this key rule above all else, do not buy anything until you've asked your unit! This will save you money and the right reenacting gear lasts forever.

Some advice for money and stuff is best in a list:

Blanket sales! End-of-season (usually September to November) events are where you should look for second-hand gear sold by other reenactors, usually laid out on a blanket in the grass. Hence a blanket sale. You find all sorts of goodies there.

Get your mess kit first. Whatever the time period, this applies. Buy your personal bowl, spoon, and cuttoe knife. These tend to be necessities and are not included in loaner gear.

For Rev War, Townsends isn't horrible at first. It's mass-produced but it looks decent and is sometimes more affordable than other places. Ask your unit, first, of course.

Be careful with a cheap musket. Do not cheapen out here, but you don't need brandy-new. Muskets made in India or "Belgian Bombs" are often not safe, if you look out for a second-hand Miroku or Pedersoli, you'll save a lot. Also, be sure to keep it clean and it'll last you forever.

If you're curious about where I got my kit, check out this post for a collection of a ton of Revolutionary War reenactor links.

Time

Being a full-time student, you may also want to know about the time commitment to reenacting. My units are really chill and don't require me to come to a certain number of events, but we do have required drills to ensure we are all functioning safely just before each season (February to March). We offer about 20 events per season (about April to November).

Events are always on the weekends, and for me typically a 1.5 hour drive. The furthest we go yearly is about 3 hours to Fort Ticonderoga. Most events, you arrive Friday night or Saturday morning and leave by Sunday afternoon. Some events are only Saturdays. Some are special calendar events like 4th of July parades and Patriot's Day Weekend (April 19th).

As a student, I have not felt any strain on my academics personally. My instructors give me a lot of leniency on weekend homework because I'm doing something educational for the public. If you wanted, reenacting would probably count as an independent learning study.

What Unit?

Ask around. I joined the guys with the shiniest cannon around, so that's one method. Also, as a young non-male, I encourage you to look at another question I answered about being such a fellow regarding looking like a male soldier and staying safe.

I prefer talking to units in person, too. You'd get a better vibe for the people and how strict they are in terms of historical accuracy and requiring members to come to events. Some questions to ask are along the same lines of what you've already asked me, but reach out if you want more guidance here.

TL;DR

Just go for it! Reenacting is a hobby for anyone who's got an interest in history. Your unit can work with you on knowledge, expenses, time commitment, etc.

#reenacting #historical reenactment #history #ask #american revolution #advice #student #military history

[originskey]

Awaiting him on the downstairs table where he would routinely enjoy his coffee, Kratos would find a tenderly wrapped gift box this morning, adorned in ribbons of maroon and gold. It was no bigger than his palm, of medium heft, and attached was a less of a note and more of a letter sealed with wax. It was penned with an intricate and nearly illegible script, one he had seen dozens of times over through the mundane notes the doctor often left for him. Inside the box lied a silver wristwatch, a stately thing it was, bestowed with a cerulean birthstone where the clock hands united in its center. The letter attached read:

'My dearly beloved.

As winter settles, I reflect on the year we will soon bid farewell. It was an eventful whirlwind of a many months full of ups and downs, marked with trials, tribulations and most importantly: joy. I have never paid much mind to celebrations but I believe this year to be owed one, for it has been my most fortunate and blessed. You can likely guess why that would be. (A subtle hint lies in the person reading these nostalgic, clichéd blubberings of mine. Or so I hope it is you, otherwise this would make for quite the embarrassing circumstance.)

I have you to thank for this wonderfully bright year. Others were largely unremarkable, though you, my dearest, have left me yearning to memorize every day of this one.

You might be wondering why I am not here to gift this to you in person. Would you believe me were I to confess that even I can be bashful? I'll be waiting for you upstairs. Before you find me, make certain you turn this watch over. You might just find something on its back.'

Sure enough, there was yet another note, this one neatly engraved into metal.

'To all the seconds, minutes, and hours I have spent by your side.

May this watch continue to count them through life's journeys, wherever it takes you.'

The man made no mention that he had been downstairs already... all Kratos meant to do was bring up some coffee (and tea) for a lazy winter morning. Shaking his head, mug in hand, he opened the letter in the wax seal. And he admits, it's all a cute gesture, like some sort of secret love-letter from an admirer. (It's not wrong, but perhaps a bit silly in the grand scheme of things, isn't it?)

However, as his eyes dutifully read every word in Baizhu's messy hand, he found himself putting the coffee down entirely in favor for being engrossed in the contents of the letter. For a moment, his expression is hard to read, and maybe because the look on his face is...

Absolutely bashful. Language was important to Kratos; present in all things around them. Here, it conveyed something that beat on his heart like a heavy drum, and the vibrations travelled right to his head. Something heartfelt and genuine... and, cute, if he's being honest with himself. There's something so endearingly earnest about this little confession that he almost forgot the box on the table was there in the first place. (And if asked, it's the letter he treasured more than the gift.)

Not to say it isn't an impressive piece--and Kratos almost feels like it's a bit too much for someone as plain as he was. But it's gleaming like a mirror, and if the gemstone didn't say that a lot of thought was put into making the watch, the inscription on the back proved it.

...It's too nice to wear every day. It's a precious thing; wearing it all the time might break it. But he did look forward to wearing it for the occasional outing, and when not in use, on display somewhere he can easily spot it.

Only when he walked back up to the bedroom that he realized what he originally went down to fetch was totally forgotten. In fact, he's still red-faced and shifting when he meets Baizhu's eyes again. But peeking through the mop of red hair that often covered his face was...

A smile, only one other person had seen before him. 'Charmed' is not an expression easily applied to Kratos, of all people... and yet, the man is completely at a loss for what to say. He can only stand there with an idiot's grin, like someone beautiful had pulled him in and kissed him moments earlier. It's ridiculous--he's thousands of years old, not a teenager after a first date. And yet, he can't really help but feel that long-forgotten touch of realizing he was hopelessly infatuated with this man.

Words aren't his strong point. Not spoken, not eloquent, anyway. But when he joins his partner, it's to stifle a bewildered, delighted, fragile laugh into his shoulder.

Perhaps what Kratos took from that gift was not what Baizhu intended. But happiness was so far away from him so often... and, just once, it felt so freeing not to add any '-but's to justify whether or not he deserved to feel such a thing.

#dendrothecary #he picked the absolute best dialogue options uvu #it's not the watch he keeps in his breast pocket but the letter...

[clotpolesonly]

Tag game tuesday: The MySpace Survey

tagged by @mzkora!!! <3

What’s your name: Jess(ica)

Sun sign: leo but like, just barely 😂 idk what being a cusp means but i'm one of those, like first day of leo

The last song you listened to: i haven't listened to any music today except for one of those musical comedians, this one was about a guy whose friend was flirting with his dad and it was a banger lmao, twas hilarious

What are you wearing right now: the practical all black outfit i've been wearing (unfortunately) for most of the last 3 weeks as i work backstage crew for a musical. usually i change between work and the theater, but my sister starts a new job today which means there will be commute time added as she comes to get me, instead of her being here right at 5, so we won't have TIME to go home and change and get food before we have to head to the theater, so i'm just cutting out the middle man and wearing it all day. this is the third weekend of performances though, show closes sunday, so it's the only time i'll have to.

How tall are you? 5’8

Piercings? only ears, and i don't wear earrings very often, really only for special occasions

Tattoos? i've got one tattoo, as a memorial for my dad who died in 2017. it's a snippet of lyrics from one of the songs he wrote, behind my left ear. i'm planning on getting a memorial tattoo for my grandmother who died in november(?? i think) but we can't currently FIND the drawing she did that i was gonna get. so. if we ever find that again, i'm gonna get it on my hip.

Glasses or contacts? contacts, all day almost every day for about 20 years now, i put them in before i even get out of bed in the mornings. i hate not having peripheral vision in glasses.

Last drink: water yum yum

Last thing you ate: a chicken and cheese quesadilla and a banana/strawberry smoooooothie

Favorite color: big fan of purple

Any pets? not any of my own. had cats and a dog growing up, and had a rat for a few years a while back, but they have all since died 😅 i'm not inclined toward all the upkeep required for larger pets, so no cats or dogs if i have to actually take care of them entirely myself, and i would be down to get another rat or two, but my sister was DEVASTATED when Freya died and refuses to be traumatized by any more pets with short life spans aldkfjg. so no more rats lol.

Do you have a crush on anyone? nope uwu

Favorite fictional character: currently i am deeply fixated on Declan Lynch, somebody send help

A movie you think everyone should watch: uuuuhhhhh A Christmas Carol, the musical version with Kelsey Grammer?? first thing that came to mind, very random 😂 but that version is a banger, i love the music, clearly the superior adaptation of the story

A book you think everyone should read: mmm gonna throw darts at the wall and say Two Dark Moons by Avi Silver, cuz i read it fairly recently and enjoyed it a lot?? idk, i want there to be a fandom for that, i went looking on tumblr for stuff about it and found a grand total of like two posts and was very disappointed lol. somebody else go read it so i'm not alone XD

The last place you traveled: i don't go anywhere aldkfgh. i think the last place i went waaasssss alabama? Mobile maybe?? fuck i don't remember, we went to the Winona Judd concert, wherever it was.

Something you’re looking forward to: strike for this show i'm working 😂 probably the first time i've ever looked forward to strike (the process of disassembling a show's set and clearing out the theater and dressing rooms, huge ordeal) but after dealing with these obnoxious fucking difficult to maneuver set pieces for the last month, i think i will greatly enjoy reducing them to piles of wood and screws.

And I am tagging: @adamprrishcycle @cheeeryos @alloverthegaf @alisonhales @mayonnaisetoffees

[originalfireemblemscenarios]

Your writing is so fun to read! I was just getting disheartened that the unsent letter requests were all gone, but here's my own unsent letter request: Shigure is married to a woman that loves to hear him sing, but tends to fall asleep fast. So sometimes, Shigure will just inadvertently sing her to sleep. When she does go to bed, though, Shigure stays up later and writes letters next to her while she's asleep. So one day, after caring for both of their pegasui, reader accidentally finds the letters stored somewhere (box in the closet, drawer in his nightstand, wherever he'd keep them) and is kinda confused because she's never seen him write before.

Ngl I have much more fun writing the Unsent format... So I guess next time I'll bring it back I'll give it more spaces!

~

His soothing voice always calmed you. And he was happy that his signing gave you peace. He still remembers how surprised he was that you fell asleep just like that when listening to him sing.

But there was one problem, sometimes he had a sudden urge to talk to you. Not wanting to wake you he at first started making lists of things he wanted to discuss... And with time they changed into letters. He never actually showed you any, because he found it a little embarrassing for you to read it even if he was about to say the exact same thing.

Now it happened yet again. You were quick asleep in your shared bed and although he would love to join you he had another urge to write. He hummed quietly as his hand moved on its own as he wrote down the letter. After finishing he admired you as he waited for the ink to dry so he can safely put the letter away. He was still in awe that he was married to such a wonderful woman.

It was rather late so as he started thinking back about random moments you've shared he forgot why he was still up to begin with. Standing up from the desk he left the letter and went to sleep.

Next morning he was quickly awake and by the time you were up he already went ahead to care for your pegasi. As you stood up you noticed that something was at the center of the desk so you walked up to it out of curiosity.

Dearest Y/N

Everyday you bring me so much joy, today was no different. Yet again I had the luxury to be with you from sunrise until midnight. Although I am staying up late by now. After singing for you I started feeling nostalgic again, I thought about how our relationship developed over the years. I still remember our first date like it was yesterday. Maybe tomorrow I'll ask you to participate in similar activities as we did that time? I definitely would love to re-live the experience, but nothing can be the same as it was- can it? I suppose that's what makes that memory so charming. Either way I look forward to tomorrow, I already feel like it's going to be a good day.

Love,

Shigure

As you were reading it you could hear him enter the room "Greetings, my love" his smile was just as soft as his voice. When he walked up to you to give you a good morning kiss he noticed what you were holding.

He was quite surprised to see it, but as he recalled how things went yesterday he siad "I thought I put that away" you knew he was talking about the letter "Wasn't it intended for me anyways?" you asked.

"Both yes and no. You see, I made a habit of writing letters to you whenever I'm unable to talk to you" he was a little embarrassed but he wasn't by any means nervous. It was rather sweet of him to think of you as often as he did that he had the need to go through with this solution... It also made you wonder "Can I see the other letters?"

After a little bit of hesitation- he agreed.

#Shigure #Shigure fire emblem #Fire emblem shigure #Shigure fates #Fe shigure #Fates shigure #Shigure fe #Shigure x reader

[invisibleraven]

For the best friends to lovers prompts! ❤️ finding old letters you wrote to each other as kids and reminiscing for Rulie?

Julie would admit she wasn't the biggest fan of cleaning, but given the box full of things she needed was somewhere in the attic, she needed to have a look there for it. She found lots of junk, toys from her childhood, and then, at the bottom of one box... a stack of letters.

The writing on the letters was childish and messy, but clear enough to read. More than a dozen letters addressed to her, all in a messy scrawl. She picked out the first one, dated from when she was around ten years old.

Dear Juliet,

I miss you! Camp was super fun this summer, but I am glad to be back in Georgia, since this is where my horse is. You'd love Old Red. Maybe one day you could come visit? I could teach you to ride and everything! How is everything in California? Did your brother like baseball camp? I can't wait to hear from you!

Love, Romeo

Julie grinned as she read over the words. At that time she had gotten to go to a performing arts camp for a summer, loving having the time to sing, play, and perform. She had met a boy around her age there, and they spent the summer together in a sweet childhood romance. Innocent kisses by the trees, hand in hand almost constantly. Their last performance together, they had performer a scene from Romeo & Juliet, thus the nicknames. She wondered whatever happened to that sweet little boy.

The rest of the letters were much the same, little updates on his life, missing her, a few references to his parents fighting a lot. Until she got to the last one.

Dear Juliet,

My mom just told me we're going to move soon. Leave Georgia, and find a new life together, just us. She says we can't let dad know, and I can't go back to camp this year. But... maybe I can come visit you one day? I'll try and write when I get to wherever we're going. Until then, think of me. Parting is such sweet sorrow...

Love, Romeo

But he never wrote again. Julie had been heartbroken when no letter came, checking the mailbox for months with no word. Eventually she had moved on, her little Romeo fading from her mind. She hoped that wherever he ended up, he was safe, happy, and loved. She pressed a small kiss to the letters, and laid them down beside her.

"Julie?"

Reggie's head popped up through the attic, looking for her. "Did you find the box you were looking for?"

"Not yet," Julie replied. "Just taking a stroll down memory lane," she waved at the stack of letters. Reggie squatted next to her and picked them up, looking them over.

"You- you have these?" Reggie asked. When Julie nodded, he held up a finger, and he fetched one of his lone boxes of things, rooting around until he found a similar stack of letters, placing them delicately in her hands. Julie tentatively opened one, and gasped when the words appeared in front of her.

Dear Romeo,

I miss you too! Georgia sounds amazing, I really hope I do get to visit, I would love to learn to ride a horse! Carlos had lots of fun at baseball camp, though he spends a lot of time complaining about being in the left field. California is nice, but part of me wants to be back at camp with you. Keep writing to me, this will be our balcony.

Love, Juliet

"I-it was you," Julie said, trembling. "You were Romeo."

Reggie nodded. "That was the best summer of my life. The one before everything turned upside down. Mom and I ran from my dad after he got... anyways we never settled anywhere long enough to write, and eventually I lost your address in one of the moves. But I never forgot you, my Juliet." He pressed a kiss to her knuckles then, and Julie giggled as he paid particular attention to the gold band on her left ring finger.

They kept looking through the boxes until they found what Julie was looking for; Julie's baby blanket, a little worn with age, but still with plenty of use left in it. Julie clutched the fabric to her chest, smiling gratefully at Reggie as he helped her up and then out of the attic, a hand automatically flying to her stomach where little Luna was kicking up a storm.

"Soon my little nightingale," Julie whispered, rubbing at her stomach to settle their daughter.

"She's totally going to be a lark," Reggie commented with a wink, grinning wide as Julie scowled at him, and then pressed a sweet kiss to his mouth, their letters and her blanket clutched between them.

There was no doubt that Luna would grow up learning of her parent's love story, and when she was old enough, would get sent off to the very same camp, in hopes that she would one day meet her own little pen pal. But for now, the letters were placed into Julie's dream box, a safe space for their memories as Reggie and Julie grinned over how funny fate was sometimes.

#filled prompts #ficlet #rulie #julie and the phantoms

[the-crying-king]

If I'm going on this journey, I might as well make it an adventure

A lot of times I get stuck in this endless tunnel of hopelessness and trying to put my energy into the same stupid things over and over to try and make it work. I keep thinking "this time it will be different" "this job will actually work out" "maybe I'll be happy after I start this job". Endlessly waiting for things to work out. I realized I've been trying the same thing over and over and over again. And that is most certainly INSANITY by definition.

(no wonder I feel like I'm going insane)

I've come back to my senses and grounded myself and realized I'm in charge of this shit. I can do whatever the fuck I want. Do what will bring me joy. Sure life sucks with the regular stuff like bills, stress, relationships or mental health struggles.

I see so many people that get older and they get caught up in doing the societal norms and working consistently at a job for many years just to keep saying "one day this will all pay off and I'll be able to enjoy life then". Unfortunately, so many of those people don't ever see those benefits, they die before actually living the life they wanted. They did what everyone told them what was best for them.

They lost their dreams..

I'm moving 1,000 miles away in about a month. I kept telling myself I wouldn't, I won't like it, I can make things work here. I boiled the town down to a big soul crushing place. I've come to realize; it doesn't matter where I am, I can find beauty anywhere, I can choose to see things in different lights, and things really are what you make it. previously I was convinced that this will be the end of me, this move to somewhere foreign to my mind and out of my comfort zone would make me miserable.

I didn't think about what new things I could lay my eyes on that I hadn't seen before, people that could share their stories with me, things I can learn, things I can create. Even the crappiest motel can have charm to it. I guess it really is all about perspective.

I've decided that I won't be trapped in this endless cycle of "one day" that society confines us to. I get too caught up in the future or in the past that I forget about right now.

If you've read this far, a little advice maybe? - Someone important once told me that every day is like you're on a train, going along your path. It's moving so quickly that you forget what it's like to move slow and easy. As your train rushes, occasionally there's a spark on the track. Sinc you're so focused on an unknown destination, you don't notice those tiny sparks of light. In every moment of everyday, even the bad ones, you have to stay present, take in your surroundings.

Here's an example: I'm late to everything. EVERYTHING. And in turn it honestly affects my mood and my day, I don't feel great about it. Therefore, I'm running on anxiety and irritability while rushing to wherever I need to be. Do I really have time to "slow down and live in the moment"?? HELL NO. However, one day I was running late for work and of course stuck in traffic, while sitting in a dead stop on the highway I was STILL just focused on getting there and the anxiety taking over. (Like that's going to get me there any faster??) I stopped myself from spiraling, and decided "well, if I'm going to be stuck here for a moment, I might as well make the most of it". I took in my surroundings and ended up seeing a dog in a couple cars ahead which made me smile. I looked up and noticed the sun was blocked by massive clouds and made the sky look like a painting. The trees around me were turning colors for fall which I hadn't even noticed! By being present in the moment I made my drive to work go from hell and a foreseen panic attack later at work, to actually enjoyable. To my surprise it actually changed my attitude for the entire day, I started noticing little things that I would have missed otherwise.

Even the worst of days have a tiny spark of light.

End note I guess- Be creative and do what humans are meant to do, LIVE and EXPERIENCE life, not just survive it. Slow down and savor the moment, moments you might miss otherwise. Do what will fulfill YOUR life and soul. Stop holding yourself back from your own happiness.

#Personal note #Told from a mentally ill person #be creative

[lowkeyorloki]

Wow, the first thing I want to say is how incredibely talented you are. The stories you have written, particularly Asis, is nothing short of masterpieces. I stumbled upon Asis when i started using ao3 a little over a year ago, and after reading countless of well-written fics, none have left an impression quite like Asis (in my humble opinion, of course hehe). I found myself hooked from the very first chapter and loved every word from the beginning to the end. At times I even had to pause reading in order to just feel the intense emotions stirred in me - from absolute joy, to sadness and at times even anger. Never has a fic hit something so deep in me and I still find myself thinking about Asis every now and then, just lingering in my thoughts. Whether I’m on the bus, walking my dog, or even when I’m at work, I find myself picturing Loki, Narvi and reader in various scenarios:’))

Despite being in a different continent and thousand miles away, you have impacted my life (without intending to sound overly dramatic). You have an incredible talent for capturing the essence of the characters and have such a way with words. Each emotion, dialouge, and relationship feels so authentic and genuine. You breathe life into the characters, skilfully orchestrating their interations. Your ability to portray characters, playing them with and against each other, is truly remarkable!<3

I just recently dicovered your tumblr and I have never used this platform before, so I’m just now catching up to anything asis related<3 (which I hope to see more of sometime in the future🤞🏼)

I have to finish this terribly long speech by telling you that I have become obsessed with Neko Case after hearing "This tornado.." hihi

Wishing you all the best, wherever and whatever that may be🩷

Love from Norway<33

- Frida

Hi Frida! It's nice to digitally meet you 🩷 I'm sorry it took me a bit to respond to this messages, my appearances on this blog are sporadic now at best.

It really is crazy when people send me such thought out and kind messages. It's easy to see how many hits/kudos a fic has and forget that each of those has an actual person behind the screen experiencing the fic with me. The fact you think of asis Loki and Narvi while you're doing such mundane activities makes me smile. It's always going to be a little crazy to wrap my head around.

Thank you so much for your kind words about my writing and my characterization. If you'd like, you're always welcome to reach out to me through DMs - I can give you the link to my last fanfiction blog I'm trying to post on regularly (it's for the show arcane, and it's not really an x reader fic blog) or I can tell you the handle of my poetry blog, or even just send you screenshots of the hasty and pretentious soliloquies of my notes app. I'd also like to think someday I'll come up with a five chapter or so sequel to asis, though I don't see that being anytime soon.

I am SO glad I got you into Neko Case!! That might be the most exciting part of this message, haha! My other favorite songs by her are Hold On, Hold On (that's my #1 favorite Case song), Margaret vs. Pauline, John Saw That Number, and Maybe Sparrow. Honestly the entirety of the album Fox Confessor Brings The Flood is superb. One of my favorite and most nostalgic albums of all time.

Thank you again for such a nice message. Reach out anytime - while I may not be timely, I do truly do my best to respond <3

#btw: i love your name #i don't know if you watched hilda on netflix #if not you should it's such a heartfelt and mystical and wonderful show #but hilda's best friend's name is frida :') #so you remind me of that show! which is very high praise #anyway #asis #a study in suit #ask #frida #asis spoilers