#may delete later. probably sooner rather than later | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kira-fluff · 3 years

Note

Hello! Have you done headcanons for a MC that is a really good artist? Like, that's what she loves and hopes to make a career out of it? (For the RFA, V, And Saeran?) thankyou! Bye bye! \ ^-^ /

a/n: I LOOOVEE this idea! As a passionate artist myself, this one hits home :) As you probably know, I’ve updated my rules, since you specified 2, I will pick 2 from the RFA :) Again, let me know if you’d like to have different characters than the ones I picked! I went for MC instead of Y/n this time. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

Also, this is pre-relationship and it may or may not have turned into a confession headcanon oh gosh

MC is an Artist +Confession bonus

V +bonus confession

As a fellow artist, V would be incredibly proud of you

Even though he might sometimes have trouble saying it

V has always showed actions above his words

You’d quickly gathered this from his lack of communication with the RFA chat and text messages between the two of you in general

But you understood him, in a way

You related to the freedom he felt whenever he expressed himself through his photography

Because you felt that same feelings when you painted

You were incredibly inspired by Beatrix Potter, your memories of her various artworks inspiring you to do the same

You adored nature just as much as V did

Together, you both made a beautiful pair

You wore an adorable flower-patterned, yellow sun dress

A beige sunhat you held to your head with a hand, carrying your brushes and paint palette

Him, dressed smartly in a sweater with khaki pants

V could carry your easel for you, his professional photography bag slung around his shoulder.

You’d laugh, turning around to look at him, the wind blowing in your face, urging him to “Come on!”

V had never thought you more beautiful than the time you’d accidentally tripped into a meadow of freesias, scattering them every which way

You gasped, whipping out your pocket book, etching down the scene before you

After a measurable silence, you looked over at V who had been quiet in taking pictures of you

He keeps many copies of the pictures, putting one in his wallet and other places he’d look frequently just to make him smile

He’d never let others besides himself see them, but they were the most beautiful photos he’d ever taken, and this not just by his standards of your beauty

You sometimes would catch yourself sketching him during your time outside with him, sitting in a quiet pasture

The world’s creatures were your muse, but you couldn’t help yourself from taking every opportunity to capture V’s every expression

And maybe that’s when you realized you were completely and utterly in love with him.

In those quiet times in the meadows, all along you were in love with him.

When you’d caught V taking candids of you, you always would beg him to delete them, which he begrudgingly would, if you really begged him

But.. other than that, you were positive V had no real feelings for you outside of a deep friendship.

That must’ve done it. He knows.

Because suddenly, V had become incredibly distant, flaking out of your naturalist escapades, becoming increasingly difficult to come in contact at all..

it was all pointing to the fact that he had realized how deeply you loved him.

You in turn, pushed away everyone around you.

Rejection hurt. So much. One does not truly understand it until they’ve felt it themselves.

It came to a point where you had no more tears left to cry, you knew he was gone forever.

Your love, your inspiration.

All was gone.

You hadn’t touched a paint brush in months

You’d been skipping meals for a while, beginning to feel more and more fatigue because of it.

It came to the point where all in the RFA (except V) had become so worried about you that they’d sent Jaehee and Yoosung over to check on you

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d checked your phone

Your blinds and curtains had been shut for a subsequent amount of time.

It had been weeks since you’d last changed your clothes, your hair was unkept.

You stopped taking care of yourself completely, emptiness overtaking you.

You had always had a dream of making artwork your career.. but just when your freelance career had begun to take off.. you lost everything.

You couldn’t bring yourself to touch your paints or pocket book. It reminded you too much of him.

You weren’t concerned about money, Rika’s apartment was already paid for and… well, with no real meal expenses, you didn’t feel any real purpose to continue.

You heard a soft knock on the door.

Instead of answering, you groaned, rolling over in your sheets – hoping if you ignored the knocking they’d assumed you weren’t home.

Any last grain of hope you’d had left you a long time ago.

“….MC?”

You slowly sat up in your bed. It was Yoosung.

You instantly felt shame for ignoring them.. and looking, well, like this.

“I’m coming in!” Came a loud shout, causing you to panic.

Damn. Seven must’ve opened the apartment.

Seven was concerned for you, given the surveillance footage, he couldn’t find almost any instances when you’d left your apartment.

Given your apparent closeness, Seven shot a text to Yoosung, Jaehee, and of course, V.

Yoosung and Jaehee replied in agreement and concern, V, however, said something very different.

// V: I’m sorry. I can’t go. >> [sent, 6:08am]

707: I thot the 2 of u were rly close. Did sth happen? >> [sent, 6:09am]

V: I’m selfish. I can’t see her anymore. >> [sent, 6:29am]

707: ? >>

707: > [sent, 6:29am]

read, 6:32am. //

You began to cry, embarrassed and ashamed, as Jaehee and Yoosung called your name throughout your hollow feeling apartment.

Immediate concern covered their faces when they saw you teary eyed in your bed.

“Oh, MC, hey, it’s going to be okay.”, Jaehee immediately held your head in her arms.

She ordered Yoosung to get some food from your local convenience store

From there, she opted to begin cleaning you up.

Jaehee didn’t want to force you to do or say anything, so she never asked questions – unless to ask whether you were comfortable taking a shower or perhaps, eating something later.

You were not opposed to the help, rather, you felt indebted to them, feeling guilty for causing Jaehee, Yoosung, and likely Seven a great amount of trouble.

Jaehee made quick work of stripping your bed sheets, stuffing in the laundry and opening the blinds, cleaning your room and dusting where necessary

A part of her chastised herself for not doing so sooner, but she and the others were afraid that they’d be intruding on your right to take a social media break or something of the sort.

Yoosung came back relatively quickly, a meal in hand, per Jaehee’s request.

He made quick work of making his specialty – an omurice omelette.

Jaehee continued to tidy up, checking up with you when she’d realized the apartment had gotten too silent

You at last stepped out of the shower, your hair taking on a glimmer, as if thanking you for taking care of it at last.

You washed your face, trying to gather your thoughts as your shoved a crew-neck shirt over your head, opting for jeans and slippers as well.

At last coming out of the bathroom, you at last made eye contact with Yoosung and Jaehee you began to cry again.

Without hesitation, they rushed toward you for a hug, hushing you when you’d blubbered, “I’m sorry, thank you, I’m so sorry” in between dry heaves.

After a quick call to Seven from Jaehee, Zen, Jumin and Saeyoung had made their way to your apartment as well.

They each had their piece to share, kind words of encouragement and love.

You were happy by their words, but…

V wasn’t here.

At last gaining confidence through their encouraging words, you ushered them to the large sofas that laid beneath your TV.

Looking down, you said, “I-I’m sure you’re all wondering about V and I..”

You didn’t dare look up when your sniffles began.

You took a deep breath before beginning, “This is nothing to his fault, but….” your lip wobbled, “I believe.. I think he realized that I had completely fallen for him,” you laughed pathetically, “Still am”

Seven began, “MC–”

“I don’t blame him, really, I never intended to tell him… it’s awkward.”

Zen clenched his fist, “That asshole…”

“And my friend” Jumin quickly rebutted.

“P-please! I didn’t tell you this to make you dislike him or anything! I just felt like I owed you all an explanation…”, you begged.

Seven stared at you for a while before saying, “MC… V he’s– I think you should tell him properly.”

Zen, ever the hot-head, stood up shouting, “And get her heart broken all over again?! How heartless can you be!”

You smiled ingenuinely, “He’s right, Zen.”

Before you could change your mind, you picked up your phone, and for what felt like years, you at last dialed V’s number.

On the last ring, you heard sound that the caller had, picked up though there was no sound on the other line.

Jumin and Yoosung ushered everyone out of the room, deciding to take a little stroll outside the apartment complex.

After a moment of silence you started, “…..V?”

You now heard him breathing on the other line.

“V, I know you’re there. Please…” You felt your voice wavering, “P-please… come to my apartment.”, you whispered a final, “please.”

V was silent for what felt like hours before saying, “……..okay.”

You hung up, attempting to mentally prepare yourself for the world of hurt you were about to endure again.

After a long silence in which you’d zoned out, you suddenly heard the door bell ring.

You glanced up. Only V ever used the doorbell.. always had.

You slowly crept toward the door, taking deep breaths to calm your nerves.

Gently opening the door a crack, you took in V.

It had been a few months, but he looked so different. So…hollow.

You moved for him to come inside, closing the door behind you.

“Um, V, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“You already know my answer.”

You looked up, tears welling in your eyes, doing your best to ignore his statement.

“V… I love you.”

You’d never seen V so taken aback, his whole face grew pale.

“Y-you love me?”

“Have. For a long time.”

You looked down, “You can go now.”

Yet you didn’t hear a sound of movement.

Looking up, V was still standing there, shocked.

At last, you managed to hear the softest whisper, “All this time….”

You leaned in closer, “What?”

“I- I loved you.. I love you. Since we’d first met. I-I thought you didn’t want a thing to do with me. Thought you’d figured out I’d fallen in love, so I distanced myself.. selfishly to try not to get hurt, but I still did. And all this time you felt the same.”

You were now the stunned one.

“Really?”

V gently smiled at you, enveloping you in a tight hug, “Really.”

Jumin +bonus confession

You loved to create stories

Various areas of fiction, watercolor splashing against crisp, white pages

Telling a beautiful story in color

And Jumin adored it.

He adored you.

He admired your deep passion to create and your love for everything.

He couldn’t understand how you could see the beauty in everything around you… for Jumin, he tended to consider things in their degree of usefulness.

For the longest time, his father and those around him had encouraged this mentality

And so, Jumin rarely sought for things that would have no real purpose – his penthouse proved this point by its bare walls – void of artistic charm

It wasn’t until you’d met him through the RFA that you’d immediately brought a force of color into his life

He remembered well the first time you’d come to his apartment

You gently ran your soft fingers against the walls of his penthouse saying, “Mr. Han, I think you need some more color in your house. It looks like a hospital in here!” You turned to him, a playful smile on your face.

The breath was knocked out of him.

God, he could never say no to you. If you’d ask, he’d get you anything you’d ever need.

But he loved that you didn’t appreciate that kind of affection. Jumin knew he immediately ran to gift giving for love because it was the only way he had been shown love throughout his life…. and, it didn’t really mean anything to him.

Still, he desperately wanted to be helpful, so if you were ever in a financial struggle, he’d offer to assist you.

You’d proudly decline, declaring you could do it all yourself. He liked that about you too. Your independence, your kindness.

It didn’t take long for him to realize he had taken to you greatly.

One day when you’d come over for a visit, while petting Elizabeth III, you said, “Hey, Jumin.. have you ever fallen in love before?”

Tension filled the air while Jumin stared at you.

How could MC be so blind.

When it had been a few moments he’d not answered, you awkwardly said, “J-just kidding! I figured you’re probably engaged – that was a stupid question, sorry..”

Jumin was stricken by your sudden uncertainty, but didn’t make anything of it.

“I’m not engaged. Don’t listen to anything my father says regarding that. And to answer your question, I think I might have an idea of what that feels like.”

His eyes bore into yours, but he of course missed the look of sorrow that’d taken over your eyes.

He’d watch you paint all day if he had the time.

He couldn’t understand how you could look at a blank sheet of paper and write something so poetically beautiful and paint a lovely picture to match

It was all a part of his amazement of you.

He could watch you for hours, humming to yourself while you played around with contrast colors for your watercolor pieces

No other art had value quite like your own

He encouraged you at every chance he got, “MC, you should go into the arts.”

“That’s what I want to do! But, Dad says the arts aren’t a realistic job.”, you frowned.

“That may have been true in some outdated decade, but in our world today people are always looking for something hand-made and authentic. When we research our products, we look for items that have a ‘signature’ to them. Trust me, people want your art not only because it is breath-taking.. but because you made it.”

You smiled at that, Jumin was always one to put a rational thought forward for your consideration, something you’d cherished.

“Besides, I think you’d be happy anywhere you can create.”

You grinned, pulling him into a tight hug, “Thank you, Ju Ju.”

Staying close friends became increasingly difficult, but Jumin wasn’t going to risk losing his friendship with you because of feelings.

So you surprised him when you began randomly, “Jumin, I think I’m in love with you, okay?”

You made eye contact, doing your best to show you were serious.

As soon as he realized you were authentic in your confession, you turned around and began sprinting, flying open the door to his penthouse

Jumin immediately chased after you, both in a full sprint

You screamed when you heard his breathing and steps behind you and so increased your speed

You had at last reached a dead end, but Jumin was a ways behind you.

You reached for the elevator button, furiously clicking it – thankfully it came on the first ding.

You rushed inside, repeatedly tapping the door-closing button.

You sighed at last when you felt the elevator moving up, gasping for air.

You attempted to continue going up to the highest story, which happened to be 320, grateful that this damn skyscraper had a ton of floors.

You froze when the door came to a stop at floor 13. You panicked, trying to force the doors not to open.

In front of you was a random businessmen, looked slightly peeved at the long wait he must’ve had for the elegant glass elevator.

You apologized, allowing him into the elevator along with a crowd of impatient people, some gorgeous women with a smart suit and long hair, their phone resting on their cheek next to their ear, some more businessmen, glancing anxiously at their watches.

As the elevator climbed to floor 21, a heap of people acknowledged their stop, pressing out of the elevator shaft and onto the busy hallways of what appeared to be the finance department.

You sighed, pressing more buttons to go up higher.

You screeched when you felt a hand on both of your wrists, slamming you into the wall behind you.

Jumin’s eyes were glowing from the slight sweat that was beginning to form on his brow

He looked pissed.

“Don’t. Ever. Run. Away. From me. Again.”

You gazed up at him, a guilty expression clouding your face

“S-sorry..”, you quickly looked away, not bearing to look at the anger in his expression, the way he clenched his jaw and his eyes took on a darker hue… brows knit together. He was really mad.

“You didn’t let me answer.” He said, his voice deep.

He leaned in closer.. you closed your eyes in anticipation.

He breathed a laugh through his nose, resting his forehead on your collarbone and shoulder.

You blushed in embarrassment.

Suddenly, Jumin hugged you tightly, “I love you too, MC.”

Zen

As a fellow artist, Zen was overjoyed to say the least when he found out about your love for singing

Your social media accounts were growing rapidly from your posts of music covers and original songs

You also had a deep love to playing the harp.

It had taken a lot of coaxing to convince your father to let you pay half and he pay the other of the expense of a 200,000 Won pedal harp

But you loved it so much

And so does Zen

He’d definitely insist on doing a collaboration with you

After the recording session and upload, both your following counts grew rapidly

Comments of all types flooded your posts:

OMG!!! ZEN!! BEAUTIFUL ZEN!!

who’s the b*tch next to him?

omg, right?

ew lol

AHHHH I LOVE YOU ZEN!!!

MC looks so cute…

fyp!!

ZEN AND MC WOULD MAKE SUCH A CUTE COUPLE AWEEEE

I agree!! 귀엽다 (cute)

Over the course of your social media endeavor, you’d learned to ignore the ruthless comments of jealous fans

Zen was worried you’d taken them personally so he validated you a lot over the period that the video was a hit

Zen wrote a song about you (which he definitely serenaded you with):

“your passion, my passion one in the same this song – our communicator of my love to you. your smile each day this serenade a simple translator the time we have means so much i wouldn’t spend it any other way.” - radio wave COMMUNICATION by Zen

The song overtook the song charts, making it’s way to the #1 spot in half a day

You’d asked him, “Zen, are you going to make that a single? You are, aren’t you? Right?”

“No, this is something for you and you only”

You smiled at that, but said, “Zen, love like this deserves to be shared. This song will mean something so special to someone else, just like it means something to me. Music, what we do.. it was made to be shared.”

Zen looked at you with stars in his eyes, taking you in a big hug.

You truly were the kindest person he’d ever met.. and he loved you so, so much.

Even though you may not have realized yet what the truth of his feelings were in his serenade, he knew he’d wait for the day in anticipation when he’d finally ask you to be his.

Saeran

Saeran wasn’t personally one for dramatics, but he loved watching you perform

You’d sing for all kinds of musicals – you’d act for a series of plays

He loved it when you’d act in classics like Macbeth or The Phantom of the Opera

It felt like a safe place to forget everything in his life and just watch you

But he hadn’t fallen for you for who you pretended to be, but for who you really are.

You were shy – something he found surprising (but unbelievably adorable) because you were a well-known actress

When you’d first met him, you were walking outside the entrance way of the theater a few hours before your showtime.

You had accidentally tripped and spilled coffee all over some tax forms you had to fill out

You let out a soft, “oh no!”

Saeran had been early for a nice seat (hopefully away from other people) and noticed a woman in a cute over-sized sweater was muttering words under her breath, picking up what seemed to be endless amounts of papers

He quietly walked over and just as softly said, “…need some help..?”

You were surprised at the sudden presence of a stranger

“o-oh! … yes please..”

he smiled, leaning down and picking up stacks of coffee-stained paper

“would you like me to carry them for you?”, he said

“are you– are you sure?” you looked up at him innocently in concern

he answered by gently taking the stack of papers, “where to..?”

“um… i’ll show you..”

he nodded, following you to the backstage area where there was a mirror attached to a dresser, stage makeup covering the top of it.

“you’re an actress?”

you grinned shyly, “everyone’s surprised..”

“n-no, i think it suits you. i was surprised because i’m watching the show tonight.”

“r-really? you’ll watch me?”

he nodded, blushing at your hopeful smile

“i’ll do my best then, if you’ll watch me..”

“good.” he looked away

“i’ll be waiting” you said with a soft smile

“so will i”

yeah you two were literally so adorable.

enjoy my beautifuls

76 notes · View notes

kumoriyami-xiuzhen · 3 years

Text

Hakuoki DF Daily Home Report Compilation

ended up posting this all together since i didn’t want it sitting in my drafts... and felt reluctant to just delete this lol. original posts for these were on twitter. my tl may not be 100% accurate since I don’t translate from Japanese.

-----

Translation by KumoriYami

Kazama Chikage: My wife. It seems that being imprisoned by those stray dogs has caused you to live a rather live a rather confined life…… But, do not worry. Sooner or later, I will come for you. That day, is the day we finally get married. Look forward to it.

Yamazaki Susumu: Aah, that's right. Since Matsumoto-sensei just told me to clean, if it's convenient, would you be able to help? As the executives are better at throwing things away than cleaning things up...... It's great to have you here. I’ll be relying on you [probably says yoroshiku tanomu].

Iba Hachiro: Good morning. Well, what should we do today? I already know that we can't go outside. As such, I'll be responsible for you. During this time, please relax and spend your time inside your home.

Sanan Keisuke: You're asking how I spend my time, since I cannot leave my room as a rasetsu...? Well, I usually read and write articles/essays. But, if you accompany me, I think I'll find it even more enjoyable.

Okita Souji: Although I was told to stay inside headquarters, I got tired of it. During this time, I found Hijikata-san's haiku collection, and swapped Hijikata-san’s katana for a shinai...... Ah. This wasn’t just limited to Hijikata-san, I also prepared some good pranks for you, so don’t worry.

Toudou Heisuke: Nn...... bored...... Is there something to pass the time with? After being told to not go out, to not go and practise kenjutsu at the dojo, and to not have gatherings at home and drink sake....... What is there to do...... help you with cleaning? Ahh, alright! Leave it to me!

Hijikata Toshizou: What's wrong, you haven't gone to sleep yet. It's time for bed...... Ah? What am I doing? I still have more work to do――I know, I know. Work should be done in moderation and I should sleep properly. That's how it should be.

Harada Sanosuke: Sorry. Lately, because of severe external factors, I can't bring you outside. You find this boring, right? If you don't mind, I can talk to you. Call me whenever you want. Well, have a good night's sleep. Good night.

Souma Kazue: A sudden holiday...... what to do. In the first place, because we need to wait for an order, we can't leave headquarters or go out...... As expected, it'd be better to help Senpai then. Okay, let's put in some extra effort today.

Yukimura Chizuru: Hm....... it feels refreshing this morning, and the laundry seems to have dried properly. But is everyone doing okay? There have been all sorts of problems lately...... Please don't get hurt or sick, and come back safely......

Saito Hajime: I'm sorry to have always been asking for your help during this time at headquarters. I also want to help tomorrow, but...... Well, I can help you with the cooking. I understand. I look forward to cooking together with you.

Sakamoto Ryouma: I'm sorry, the situation has changed. There are actually some magistrates outside, so we can't go out. Well, since the Shinsengumi will come save you anyway, just wait patiently. Let's spend our time together until then.

Nagakura Shinpachi: UOOOOH! Why can't I go outside! The dojo can't be used?! There's a limit to joking...... Eh, you want me to help you? Oh, ooh. If you need help, leave it to me. I will definitely make you feel at ease!

#hakuoki #hakuouki #Hakuoki Other Translation

74 notes · View notes

taylizmasterpost · 3 years

Text

Reconciliation and Late-Stage Tayliz (September 2014 - Present)

Despite not seeing each other for a while, Taylor and Liz clearly still hold a soft spot in each other’s hearts.

During the Secret Sessions for 1989 in Nashville, fans took pictures in Taylor’s home, and you can clearly see she has photos from Charleston displayed:

When it came time to mend the fences between Taylor and Liz, Claire Callaway was the one who ended up doing it:

2 October 2014 - Claire tweets a TBT to the Charleston trip. Liz responds to it:

That seems to get the ball rolling, because when Taylor drops Out of the Woods as a single, this happens:

14 October 2014 - Taylor and Liz tweet about how much they miss each other:

Then, when Taylor walks the runaway with Karlie at the VSFS, this happens:

Taylor is with Karlie at the time, and obviously nothing romantic is happening on Liz’s end either, because...

20 December 2014 - Liz gets engaged to Bryan Brown and has dinner with friends:

16 February 2015 - Liz tweets that Taylor is badass

8 April 2016 - Liz makes this gay post on Facebook that I’d like to think is a response to Style, since the MV had come out a few months before:

And Liz seems to have found a group of gay friends...

Although, that could just be a typo.

15 July 2015 - Liz posts on Facebook that “Thanks to some really talented friends, I got to record something beautiful today. Can’t wait to share this one.” The picture she attaches definitely looks like Taylor:

Liz also tweets this:

We do NOT know where Taylor was that day. However, she performed in DC on the 1989 tour on the 14th and was papped in NYC on the 16th so it’s not impossible she was in Nashville working on something with Liz. Unfortunately, whatever they worked on has yet to surface (unless you subscribe to the theory that Liz is WB...)

3 August 2015 - Shawn Brooks releases a song called Matter of Time that was written sometime in 2014 by Liz.

Notable lyrics include:

She’s got me lovestruck, crazy Going out of my mind She’s got me lovestruck, crazy But sooner or later, she’s gonna be mine It’s just a matter of time

Don’t know what this means for Liz or TayLiz, since Liz has been with Bryan since early 2013 at the latest, but this is very gay and fun.

27 August 2015 - Thirst tweet:

31 August 2015 - Liz calls Taylor sexy in response to the Wildest Dreams MV:

15 October 2015 - Liz tweets about Better Than Revenge:

28 October 2015 - Liz quote tweets Taylor about OOTW acoustic:

11 November 2015 - Liz responds to Caitlin’s tweet tagging Taylor about nostalgia:

9 December 2015 - Liz congratulates Taylor on her Grammy noms:

13 December 2015 - Taylor’s birthday. Liz wishes her HBD:

29 January 2016 - Liz says her favorite song from 1989 is This Love:

15 February 2016 - Liz and Taylor both attend UMG’s Grammys afterparty at the Ace Hotel Theater :

26 February 2016 - Liz posts a TBT to Charleston:

16 April 2016 - Liz and Taylor both attend Coachella:

6 May 2016 - Liz tweets about This Love:

10 May 2016 - Liz possibly writes STFU and Hold Me (likely about Bryan, since he’s out on tour with the woman he’s going to leave Liz for, signaling to me that their relationship is on the fritz):

4 August 2016 - Liz posts a throwback to the Vogue photoshoot at the Bowery.

3 September 2016 - Liz and Bryan’s last interaction on Twitter:

(Bryan had been on tour with Jillian -- who he’d later marry -- and tweeting at her all summer, much more than he’d been tweeting with Liz). It’s important to note the way their relationship ended for when we start studying who Liz’s songs are about.

26 November 2016 - Liz tweets about Clean, possibly signaling her and Bryan have broken up by this point:

13 December 2016 - Liz wishes Taylor happy birthday with a post about Charleston (captions vary based on site). This also signals to me that her and Bryan are over, since she’s reminiscing on Taylor picking her up off the ground after her breakup with Jason:

11 July 2017 - Liz tells a fan that You Are In Love and All Too Well are her favorite songs from 1989 and Red (guess her favorite song is no longer This Love…):

11 August 2017 - Liz releases STFU and Hold Me:

youtube

This MV has a LOT of parallels to the IKYWT video. The lyrics talk about “staring with a bang” (”took off faster than a green light go”?), and reckless abandon (”this path is reckless”). MV parallels are as follows (thank you @mercuryonparklane for all the help finding this):

(notice the key necklace?)

So, either Liz is lowkey ripping off Taylor’s work or she’s trying to signal that she was the muse for IKYWT. However, considering Liz is deliberately trying to keep her image separate from Taylor, it doesn’t make any sense that she would try and rip her off. Of course, it could just be a big coincidence...

30 September 2017 - In an interview with The Young Folks, Liz says that STFU and Hold Me is about “getting to that point in a relationship where you’re sick of going around and around talking about the same issue with your partner and it’s time to wave the white flag,” Huett says. “We’ve all been there.”

Of the lyrics “I’m coming from a line of problems / I was born and I became a product” Liz says “I’m not exactly the most polished person. I’d rather be real than perfect and sometimes that means I say things that make people uncomfortable or act out in relationships and test limits, etc… I’m an honest mess but I believe I can and should be loved in light of that. :)”

I still think this song was written about the end of her relationship with Bryan, but it’s still interesting to see how Liz describes herself in relationships.

27 October 2017 - Liz releases H8U

youtube

This is another song that I think was written about Bryan. The lyrics reference taking another woman to a Tom Petty concert (Liz LOVES Tom Petty) and generally moving on quickly with another woman, which seems apt for the Bryan/Jillian situation going on.

HOWEVER, the lyrics also reference “our first date two years ago,” which doesn’t make any sense, since Liz and Bryan didn’t break up until 2016 and were together since early 2013. So it could maybe be lyrically about Taylor.

I do think the MV makes a deliberate Taylor reference, though, with the interrupting the wedding scene. Taylor famously had Liz dress as the Bridezilla on the Speak Now album art:

And, at the end of the H8U MV, Liz DOES kiss the blonde bride on the mouth after interrupting her wedding... which is... INTERESTING (especially since Liz is dressed in full RED the whole MV):

I don’t think it’s a stretch to presume Liz could’ve reversed their roles here. IDK.

9 November 2017 - Liz makes her “H8U, love these” playlist on Spotify, which features All Too Well.

1 November 2017 - Liz obsesses over Reputation:

15 November 2017 - Taylor posts an IG story with photos of her Liz and Caitlin in Australia in the background:

13 December 2017 - Liz wishes Taylor happy birthday:

20 December 2017 - In a now deleted tweet Liz obsesses over New Year’s Day

6 April 2018 - Liz releases Don’t LV U Anymore. Here are some interesting lyrics:

I don't steal your chapstick anymore / Don't wake up to your kiss anymore / And I don't have a washer and dryer full of guitar picks anymore / 'Cause you don't come over to my place anymore / Don't flirt with my roommate anymore / And I don't run to your friends / To get them on my side when we fight anymore / And I never say it / I keep it inside / But maybe I'm wasted / Or maybe it's time to get this off my chest, babe / ... / I don't love you anymore / But I don't love you any less / I don't play you my songs anymore / To see if they're good anymore / You don't tell me your secrets / 'Cause you don't know if I keep them to myself anymore / I don't go to church anymore / Don't know what to believe anymore / And I don't remember the beat of your heart / The smell of your car anymore / ... / Two years and counting / Still got all this weight on my chest / Two years and counting / And I can't remember what I can't forget

Based on the “two years and counting” line, as well as the line about a washer and dryer of guitar picks, I’m inclined to believe this is another song about Bryan.

However, it is a really similar sentiment to that Civil Wars song Liz posted back when her and Taylor first ended things, and the line about running to get friends on a side when fighting is very similar to the “you go talk to your friends, talk to my friends talk to me” in WANEGBT and the image in Battle/Let’s Go of all their friends standing around watching them fight. Could go either way.

9 April 2018 - Liz reposts a Facebook post announcing Dammit that implies it was written a while ago. But we already knew that.

19 May 2018 - Reputation in Pasadena. Liz attends. Surprise Song: All Too Well. Camila Cabello is the opening act.

27 May 2018 - Liz gives an interview at Bottlerock festival where she says that Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus is a song she used to get over someone (likely Bryan). She also says Havana was the song she last had stuck in her head -- probably because Camila performed it at Taylor’s show the previous week.

14 March 2019 - Liz makes a happy birthday post for Antoni (who’s dating her friend Trace):

27 April 2019 - Bryan and Jillian get married:

3 May 2019 - Liz releases Nothing Personal:

youtube

This feels like DIRECT BRYAN SHADE, since she released it right after his wedding. However, you definitely could also read it as being about being let go from The Agency.

Early May 2019 - Taylor shoots YNTCD. Her and Antoni bond over their love of The National (keep in mind Taylor would end up asking a member of the National to work on exile with her):

17 June 2019 - Liz likes Taylor’s post announcing YNTCD is out:

26 June 2019 - Liz posts on IG a video of unreleased song “One of These Days” with the caption “i’m emo” Lyrics:

One of these days I’ll rise above the blue / One of these days when I get sober too / I’ll be flying high you know / Gonna say I told you so / One of these days I’ll rise above the blue / The stars will align / My heart will come back to life / I won’t have to cry anymore / Someday soon, when I / When I get over you / One of these nights I’m gonna get some sleep / One of these nights you won’t be in my dreams / I will lay this love to rest / I will miss you in this bed / One of these nights I’m gonna get some sleep / The stars will align / My heart will come back to life / I won't have to cry anymore / Someday soon, someday / When I get over you

More evidence that Liz does, indeed, struggle with the things that Reddit post suggested.

14 August 2019 - Liz posts on IG a video of an unreleased song called “I Wanted It to Be You” with the caption “I really did” and a red rose emoji. Lyrics:

I’ll find someone else to take your place / In no time at all I’ll be okay / So you don’t have to say it babe / We don’t have to cry / ‘Cause I know you got shit to do / And baby so do I / I’ll find someone else to take your place, hey / I wanted it to be you I’m closing down the bar with / I wanted it to be you I’m fighting in the car with / Who I could push away / Come back and beg to stay / Ooh, I wanted it, I wanted it, I wanted it / I wanted it to be you

Likely for Bryan BUT maybe a red rose grew up out of frozen ground with no one around to tweet it (lol I’m joking the lakes is very likely not about Liz).

22 August 2019 - Taylor releases the Lover MV, featuring the “breakable heaven” board game:

In the bottom left corner, you can spot a blue 0527. May 27th is Liz’s birthday. What does this mean? I don’t know. I absolutely do not know, but whatever it is is driving me INSANE.

28 August 2019 - Liz posts on Twitter a screenshot of her listening to Cornelia Street:

16 October 2019 - Liz comments on a fan’s video of Taylor performing at the NPR Tiny Desk concert saying “she cute”:

19 November 2019 - Liz says on IG that her favorite songs from Lover are The Archer and Cornelia Street:

22 November 2019 - Liz releases That’s What You Get. This is the one late-stage Liz song that I FULLY BELIEVE is about TayLiz due to a few very specific lyric parallels:

“That’s what you get when you recklessly fall in love” >> “This path is reckless” from Treacherous

“That’s what you get for keeping your armor up” >> “You come around and the armor falls” from State of Grace >> “I would put my armor down if you said you’d rather love than fight” from Story of Us.

“And all your friends are lining up to hate me” >> “You go talk to your friends talk to my friends talk to me” from WANEGBT >> “First shot’s fired everybody’s gathered around” from Battle >> “I can't run to your friends anymore / To get them on my side when we fight anymore” from Don’t LV U Anymore.

It also, just from an outside perspective, doesn’t make any sense for Liz to write a breakup song about Bryan blaming herself when it seems very clear to me that they broke up because Bryan wanted to be with Jillian instead. That’s not her fault. So either this is about another breakup (I’d guess Taylor, based on the lyric parallels), or she’s just very very self-loathing and won’t let herself think it’s Bryan’s fault (which both H8U and Nothing Personal don’t suggest to me).

25 November 2016 - Liz posts a video on her IG story about Taylor at the VMAs.

6 December 2019 - Liz talks about That’s What You get with Earmilk and gives an interesting quote:

Huett explains, “This song is about facing myself after a brutal season of running from it... I made a self-destructive choice that hurt someone I really value. The angle of the chorus is really sort of a letter to me after that first long look in the mirror. It SUCKED. However, in owning my shit (and sharing this song) my hope is that listeners might apply the sad lesson without having to learn the hard way, or, if they’ve ever found themselves in the regretful position I was once in, I hope this song can at least make them feel less alone."

This is SO DIFFERENT fro mhow her relationship with Bryan ended, but matches up so well with Liz getting help and owning her shit after spiraling in 2012.

24 July 2020 - Folklore drops. Two of the songs are written by the mysterious William Bowery. One of those songs is Betty -- a popular nickname for Elizabeth. Liz tweets at Taylor about the 1 because all of Taylor’s exes wanna think that song is about them.

So, IN CONCLUSION: Liz got help and worked through her shit and they’re on good terms now. They were possibly working on something together in 2015, although that never saw the light of day as far as we know. Liz seems to maybe be referencing Taylor in her music and MVs, but there’s no way to know for sure. Better Than Revenge on the Speak Now Tour was an iconic moment of sapphic energy, and maybe, just maybe, when Taylor re-records her masters, Liz will sing backup for her again.

Thanks for reading!

73 notes · View notes

creepy-carrion · 4 years

Note

Hey, I'm sorry if I come across as a "pity me" type stuff, I'm sorry. I just finished crying my eyes out over some guy and I wanted to know what the creepy boys would do if they got wind if their friend being hurt to the point of tears? The minute I called my friend crying she went straight to wanting to kill the guy haha

Apologies, I meant to get to this sooner. I really hope you’ll be able to evaluate the relations you have to this guy and decide what the best next step is. I picked a few of the boys for you, also added Jane for good measure. I hope it’s ok that some of these characterizations are still a bit,, well,,, let’s just say they’re still themselves. they all mad

BEN Drowned

Contains his anger about the situation at first, but if you know what to look for, it’s pretty obvious this does not sit well with him. He licks his lips frequently, gets fidgety, maybe even starts pacing. He’s not the best with words and comfort talk, so his primary goal will be to just distract you with some fun things so your mind can calm down. But he can’t shake off this feeling of unease so he might be a little tense.

Honestly this guy does not have the time or energy to commit to fucking with this guy the same way he messes up his victims, but he’ll ask you if he can do some... damage, regardless. He will ask for your permission because he doesn’t want his actions to end up screwing with your mental health. Ben is more calculated than that. Give him green light however and he’ll gladly fuck with this guy’s life. Maybe he doesn’t have the time to personally mess with him, but doxxing him, releasing sensitive information, deleting important documents... it takes all but 10 minutes to ruin this guy’s life.

After that, enough time to make you feel better. Like I said, he’s not much of an advice-giver, but he will listen to you in silence and distract you with whatever he can think of. A movie, a walk, gaming sessions, or talking about anything more casual.

Jeff the Killer

Ahh. If you are venting about someone bothering you to this guy, you must want them dead either way. Jeff has no internal breaks that are stopping his immediate desire to slit this motherfucker’s throat right open. Once the guy’s name accidentally slips past your lips, Jeff has already curled his fingers around the handle of his knife and dipped out the window.

He cannot really help it. You thought BEN was bad with words? Take a look at this fucking guy. He can’t comfort anyone to save his damn life. But he does know one thing, and that is showing he is capable of caring for you with his actions. Said actions involving knives, blood and murder, but hey, it’s all he knows.

Returns a few hours later, covered in muck and blood. He will just sit with you, his shoulder pressed to yours as he comes down from his adrenaline high. This is probably the best time to talk to him if you just want to empty your heart and not want to be interrupted with unintentionally snarky responses. Jeff cares, evidently shown by that he didn’t waste any time to solve your problem, but hey. It’s still Jeff.

Ticci Toby

You hear that loud noise in the distance? That’s this boy’s alarm bells going off like fucking crazy. Yeah, if Toby hears someone has hurt you to the point of tears, he gets this awful feeling in his gut and wants to drag you away from this fucker as soon as possible.

Toby does not remember any of the events with his abusive father, but they’re still drifting around somewhere in his unconscious, and if anything even implies you were in a similar situation he was in, it makes him feel incredibly uneasy, like something might go horribly wrong. Though unlike the others, he won’t be as focused on going after the guy as making sure you will not go back to him.

Probably the best guy to go to if you’re looking for some genuine, good comfort. Toby has no issues with physical contact, the opposite. He will let you rest your head on his chest, his fingers stroking your hair as you cry into his sweater. He will lay with you like that for as long as you want, his chest occasionally rumbling because of a deep growl. If you want Toby to go after him, you need only say it. But he’d rather make sure you are really okay first. He’ll keep you in his arms all night if he has to.

Jane the Killer

Dealing with pieces of shit harassing innocent people is not just her lane. It’s her fucking highway. So you best believe she’s already concocted a plan to get this guy off his bullshit before you can even finish explaining to her what happened. Kill him? No, she may be a murderer, but her standards for murder are a lot higher than one might think. Offenders and murderers are more up her alley, but that does not mean she will pass up on beating some sense into people who think they get to harm you in any way, shape or form. You won’t hear a peep out of this guy anymore, she’ll make sure of that.

Sorry, did I say Toby was the best guy to go to for comfort? Well, yeah. But Jane is the best person to go to with your problems. Once she hears your sobs through the phone, all of her plans are canceled, she demands you come over, and in no time you’re curled up on the couch with a blanket and a hot chocolate. Jane knows how to do shit like this.

Also, you need advice on how to deal with anything? Please tell her and she will do anything she can to help. Jane is very intelligent and calculating. She has multiple responses to most of the problems you tell her about, and if she doesn’t, give her a day to think about it. And if you just need a cuddle, a distraction, anything, she’d be happy to provide you with that too. Jane is a queen.

#wow look my muse came back for this #jeff the killer #ben drowned x reader #jeff the killer x reader #ben drowned #ticci toby x reader #ticci toby #jane the killer x reader #jane the killer #creepypasta imagines #creepypasta fluff #creepypasta x reader #creepypasta #creepy-carrion #ask #creepypasta scenario #creepypasta scenarios

380 notes · View notes

veliseraptor · 4 years

Text

a kindness you can’t afford

[READ ON AO3]

Written for the anon prompt above, originally tried to post it as a response to an ask, then Tumblr fucked up all my formatting and I deleted the post, forgetting that I cannot just recreate an anon ask. Anyway! It’s a fic! It’s for an idea that I’ve been meaning to write eventually and ended up doing for this!

I wrote more rambly notes the first time I made this post but it’s probably for the best they’re gone. Thanks to @ameliarating for edits, as always, and to the Tumblr user who kindly indulged my request for “Chinese obscenities that could pass for a name.” The one Xue Yang uses here is literally “chrysanthemum” but also “anus.” This may be anachronistic, but I’m going with it.

content warnings: none, actually?? I don’t think??? other than, you know, the knowledge that this ain’t going anywhere good

What Xue Yang thought when the first sword went in was motherfucker finally did it.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen it coming. He’d known for a while that sooner or later Jin Guangyao would decide he’d outlived his usefulness and try to get rid of him, or else Xue Yang would decide he was done playing Jin Guangyao’s game and cut out his tongue to feed it to him. And then kill him.

Until then he’d just figured he’d enjoy the luxury of Lianfang-zun’s boundless resources, access to the Yiling Laozu’s notes, and willingness to provide Xue Yang with the opportunity to experiment.

But with the old man dead, and Chifeng-zun in pieces, he’d figured that probably sooner rather than later Jin Guangyao would decide he was too much of a security risk and not enough of an asset to keep alive. Jin Guangyao still beat him to the punch. And he didn’t even have the courtesy to do it himself.

Bastard.

The Jin assholes cut him up pretty bad before he managed to get away; least he managed to make sure at least three of them wouldn’t walk away, and a fourth was going to be down a hand. So that was something, even if he was bleeding pretty badly, feeling it in the cold heaviness of his limbs and the spinning of his head. The wound in his leg was the worst, cutting deep into the thigh.

There was a distinct possibility that he was well and truly fucked.

Well, he thought when his body finally gave out and all he could do was slither into the grass on the side of the road so he wasn’t quite so exposed, it’d been a pretty good run, all things considered. Still sucked, and he would’ve really liked to show Jin Guangyao the color of his own intestines right about now, but you couldn’t get everything you wanted.

It wasn’t the death he’d imagined for himself. But it was better than some he could’ve anticipated. Hopefully he’d make a nasty fierce ghost and could go torment Lianfang-fucking-zun for backstabbing him.

Even if that was exactly what he’d expected him to do.

Xue Yang fought losing consciousness for a while, but there was only so long he could hold out before his body surrendered for him.

He didn’t expect to wake up alive.

When he did, still fucking hurting and with someone touching his face, at first he was just too tired and sore to try to move like he should, still feeling wrung out and half-dead and figuring maybe playing helpless would be better than trying something when he didn’t have the strength to back it up. Then his vision cleared a little and he recognized who he was looking at.

You, he thought, eyes widening in alarm, and tried immediately to scramble back regardless of the fact that his body screamed furiously at him, because some random stranger who was either trying to help or trying to loot his body was one thing, but Xiao Xingchen-

Who was assuring him that he wasn’t going to hurt him. That he didn’t mean him any harm, and was just trying to tend his wounds.

There was a white bandage over his eyes.

He didn’t know. He didn’t know.

Well, Xue Yang thought, staring at him. Well, well, well.

We’re fated to meet again, he’d said, years ago, but he hadn’t figured for it being like this.

You aren’t going to ask me my name? he asked warily, and Xiao Xingchen smiled at him, utterly clueless, and said I have my own things I’d rather not talk about.

Fucking shit. Unbelievable. The blind idiot, just taking in someone he’d found on the side of the road who he knew nothing about, not asking any questions, tending his wounds…

Xue Yang had never believed much in good fortune. Not for himself, anyway. But this opportunity just getting dropped in his lap, and when he needed it most-

It certainly seemed to qualify.

Good. Fucking fantastic.

He could work with this.

There was something funny about the girl with Xiao Xingchen - a-Qing, or whatever her name was. At first he’d thought she was just pretending to be blind, which would’ve been a problem, but she seemed to really not be able to see. She certainly wasn’t a threat of any other kind. A nuisance, it was becoming clear, and for whatever reason she didn’t like him, but she wasn’t actually dangerous.

And Xiao Xingchen... Xiao Xingchen would be dangerous, was dangerous, but he was also blind, and nice, and didn’t ask questions. Xue Yang had worked out a whole story, an elaborate lie he’d use, but Xiao Xingchen hadn’t asked. He nursed Xue Yang, helpless and useless, like he was a friend.

Motherfucking idiot.

At least it was serving him well. Xiao Xingchen took good care of him. Perfectly solicitous. Admonishing him when he tried to get up and walk too soon. You’ll make it worse, he said, with that sugar-sweet smile. Be careful with yourself. If you want to heal cleanly you need to rest.

It was all working great, absolutely perfect, he couldn’t’ve asked for better.

It wasn’t going to last.

It couldn’t, obviously. Xiao Xingchen would get sick of this magnanimous act and kick him out, or he’d figure out who Xue Yang was somehow and one of them would have to die. There was always a flip side, a catch, a trap, and that it hadn’t shown itself here yet just meant it hadn’t shown itself yet.

It would, sooner or later, and Xue Yang just had to be ready for it.

It’d be easier to feel ready for it if he could stand for longer than half a joss stick without feeling like he was going to collapse. His leg hurt like hell all the time and while he was clawing his way back to his usual strength, as far as he was concerned it couldn’t happen fast enough. It was fine, though. For now, he was safe. For now.

If he kept telling himself that maybe he’d stop feeling like he was going to crawl out of his skin.

At least it gave him plenty of uninterrupted time to watch Xiao Xingchen. He was nice. He was patient. He didn’t raise his voice or lose his temper, as far as Xue Yang could tell. He was so impossibly, infuriatingly good and it couldn’t possibly be real.

“What is it?” Xiao Xingchen asked, and Xue Yang realized he’d been staring at him for a while, congee forgotten and getting cold.

“Nothing,” Xue Yang said quickly, and then narrowed his eyes and said, “you’ve got something on your face, by your nose. Big smudge of dirt.”

“Oh,” Xiao Xingchen said, and laughed a little. “Thank you for telling me. I can’t exactly check in a mirror.”

That was something Xue Yang found very interesting. It wasn’t Xiao Xingchen he’d blinded, and yet here he was. He hadn’t asked any questions about it, but he did wonder what he’d missed while he’d been working on rediscovering the secrets of demonic cultivation and creating a fierce corpse for Jin Guangyao.

“Yeah,” Xue Yang said, and then on a whim, “here, let me help you get it off.”

A-Qing scowled at him. “Xiao-daozhang can clean his own face, asshole.”

“A-Qing,” Xiao Xingchen said, and then smiled at Xue Yang. “She is right, though. I don’t need the help.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Xue Yang said. “Whatever. Come on, it’s bugging me.” He got up and limped over, dropping down next to him and reaching out, using his sleeve to scrub at an imaginary smudge. Xiao Xingchen reached up and caught his arm, but he didn’t knock him away, and he didn’t seem angry. His grip was firm but not hard; Xue Yang just kept himself from yanking violently away or lashing out.

“Stranger,” Xiao Xingchen said, “Please. I can attend my own appearance.”

Xue Yang pulled back slowly. He glanced at a-Qing, who seemed smug, and then back at Xiao Xingchen, and held up his hands.

“All right,” he said. “Didn’t mean to offend you.”

“I’m not offended,” Xiao Xingchen said. He smiled, the expression warm and fuck, he really was intolerable. “But it should be clear that even though I am blind, I’m not helpless.”

“Guess that’s obvious,” Xue Yang said after a brief pause. “If anyone’s helpless here it’s me. I’m the one you had to scrape up off the side of the road, huh?”

That made Xiao Xingchen laugh. For some reason Xue Yang found that sort of satisfying; for some reason a-Qing glared at him.

“You’re not funny,” a-Qing said.

“Daozhang thinks I’m funny,” Xue Yang said. Xiao Xingchen shook his head, but he was smiling again.

Too easy. Blind - literally - fool. It suddenly seemed sort of amazing that he’d stayed alive this long.

At least it was working in Xue Yang’s favor. He’d be ready for when that changed, but for now-

He could enjoy it, for now.

The smart thing to do would be to kill Xiao Xingchen before he put two and two together and came up with Xue Yang.

He’d do the girl too, obviously, but Xiao Xingchen was the one who could really hurt him. He might be playing nice now but Xue Yang had fought him before. He knew what he could do. He wasn’t going to assume that his being blind had changed that much. The way he moved mostly hadn’t. He didn’t use a stick like a-Qing, anyway.

So, yeah. The smart thing to do.

He still hadn’t done it. Mostly because the smart thing to do was sometimes also the boring thing to do, and Xue Yang would take not boring over stupid most of the time.

“So when are you gonna leave, anyway,” a-Qing asked loudly.

“Dunno,” Xue Yang said. “Every time you ask me that it gets further away.”

A-Qing scowled at him. “Why are you even still here? Do you like living in a coffin home?”

“Maybe I do,” Xue Yang said. “Maybe I’m not even alive. Maybe I’m a really animate fierce corpse. Like the Ghost General.” He thought of Wen Ning, briefly, chained up with nails in his head. Absolutely useless. Completely uncontrollable, which had really been just the most disappointing. “You wouldn’t know, would you?”

For a moment a-Qing looked a little uncertain. Then she scowled harder. “Daozhang would know. Obviously.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” a-Qing said firmly. “Besides, fierce corpses don’t bleed.”

“How do you know,” Xue Yang said. “Met a lot of fierce corpses?”

“Have you?”

“Yeah,” Xue Yang said. “I killed one once.” Its name was Nie Mingjue and its head is probably still in Lianfang-zun’s treasure room. He leaned back on his hands, flexing his leg and wincing at the pain that shot up into his hip. Fuck Lianfang-zun and his entire fucking life.

A-Qing shook her head. “You’re lying.”

Xue Yang shrugged one shoulder. “Believe what you want,” he said. “Doesn’t make any difference to me.”

He heard Xiao Xingchen’s footsteps a moment before he appeared and turned toward him, tensing reflexively and then scowling when that hurt, too. “What are you talking about?”

“Daozhang, do fierce corpses bleed?” a-Qing asked. Xiao Xingchen’s eyebrows rose a little.

“No. Not like living people do, anyway.”

“I knew you were lying,” a-Qing said to Xue Yang. “This asshole says he killed a fierce corpse, but he didn’t know that.”

“I didn’t say I didn’t know. I said you wouldn’t.” Xue Yang grinned at her. “If you’re going to call me names you could at least be more creative, Little Blind.”

Xiao Xingchen shook his head. “Why would you lie about such a thing, Stranger?” he asked.

“Came up when I was telling Little Blind how I’m a fierce corpse myself,” Xue Yang said.

“Don’t call me that,” a-Qing said. Xiao Xingchen seemed startled for a moment, and then smiled a little.

“I see,” he said.

“Well,” Xue Yang said. “You don’t, actually.”

A-Qing looked furious, but Xiao Xingchen let out a bright and full-throated laugh, like that was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. Xue Yang blinked. He hadn’t really thought about saying it, and if he had he’d’ve thought Xiao Xingchen would be touchy about it. But he was smiling, and still chuckling a little, when he said, “no, I suppose not. Perhaps you have us both fooled, though I suspect my sword would know.”

Xue Yang’s ears pricked. “What do you mean?”

Xiao Xingchen set down the basket of groceries he was holding and paused, seeming to be thinking. “My sword, Shuanghua,” he said. “It is able to sense resentful energy, and thus direct me toward beings like ghosts or demons. Or, presumably, fierce corpses. It is how I can still go night hunting.”

“Huh,” Xue Yang said. That was interesting. And he had sort of wondered. He hadn’t heard of anything like that before.

He wondered suddenly how discriminating Xiao Xingchen’s sword was. Did it detect any amount of resentful energy? Or type, or concentration?

Xue Yang tucked that question away for later. It wasn’t important right now.

“How is your leg today, Stranger?”

“Fine,” Xue Yang said. Lied. “Are you just going to keep calling me ‘Stranger’? You could just pick a name and go with it. Or guess. Or use a different name every time you talk to me.”

Xiao Xingchen smiled again, obviously amused. “Or,” a-Qing said, “you could just say what you’re called. Why won’t you, anyway?”

“A-Qing,” Xiao Xingchen said. “Sometimes a man’s history is his own business.”

Wasn’t that a nice idea, Xue Yang thought. He doubted Xiao Xingchen would still say that if he knew who he was harboring.

“Yeah, all right,” Xue Yang said. “I’ll tell you my name.”

A-Qing looked suspicious. “What is it?”

“Ju Hua,” he said. Xiao Xingchen let out a strangled sound, like a laugh disguised by a fake cough. A-Qing recoiled, her face crinkling up in disgust.

“You’re disgusting,” she said.

“Hey,” Xue Yang said. “It’s rude to make fun of peoples’ names,” but he started cackling a second later, hard enough it hurt his cracked ribs. A-Qing got to her feet and flounced off, taking a swing at his head with her stick he was sure was deliberate.

Xue Yang grinned at Xiao Xingchen, who still looked like he was trying not to laugh. “You shouldn’t tease her,” he said.

“She can take it,” Xue Yang said easily. The turn of Xiao Xingchen’s mouth and the set of his eyebrows was reproachful, though both offset by the amusement that was still there.

“You still shouldn’t.”

“Ah, Daozhang,” Xue Yang said, dragging out the second syllable. “Ruining all my fun.”

Xiao Xingchen’s expression faltered for a moment, eyebrows furrowing, and Xue Yang realized that his voice had slipped, a little. He held his breath, tensing, waiting, something almost eager jumping in his stomach.

Here it comes.

Then Xiao Xingchen shook himself and let out a faint laugh, though it sounded a little weak. “I know,” he said. “I’m merciless.”

Xue Yang pictured Xiao Xingchen as he’d seen him first, almost glowing in white, a pinched expression of displeasure on his face. He would’ve seen Xue Yang executed. Not done it himself - couldn’t get those pure robes dirty - but still. He thought merciless wasn’t as far off the mark as Xiao Xingchen probably believed.

“Yeah,” he said. “Absolutely. Those vegetables you bought don’t stand a chance.”

Xiao Xingchen laughed again, and smiled, and Xue Yang blinked at him, something funny twisting in his chest under his heart.

You know I’m going to kill you someday, he thought. Not yet, but I’m gonna do it. And I’ll make sure you’ll know how I tricked you, how stupid you were, when I do.

Xue Yang usually slept pretty well, if lightly. He’d learned the trick of it - a need to wring rest out of the hours he got when it was safe, but the ability to wake up fast when he needed to. Usually he could get through the night without waking up, and if he dreamed, he never remembered them.

At first he wasn’t sure what had woken him up this time, just that between one moment and the next he was awake, wide awake with his senses shrilling an alarm, something wrong. His heartbeat picked up and he started to reach for Jiangzai only to stop himself.

Then he heard it: quiet but still audible through thin walls. A soft, distressed sound from Xiao Xingchen’s room.

He held very still, waiting until he heard another. A whimper, almost. Quiet and pathetic, wounded animal. He rose, slowly, on quiet feet, and walked as silently as he could while still limping, out of his room and into Xiao Xingchen’s.

He was lying there on the bed, under a thin blanket that was now tangled around his body. One of his arms was flung outwards, his head turned to the side, face crumpled in a frown. There were red stains on the white bandages over his missing eyes. His chest rose and fell unevenly and too quickly.

As he stood there, watching, Xiao Xingchen made another sound, one of pain, and Xue Yang almost felt it in his chest, in his gut. He took a step forward, and another, and another, until he was standing right next to the bed and looking down at Xiao Xingchen, lips parted, in the grip of a nightmare, so vulnerable, so beautiful in his suffering.

What was he dreaming about? Losing his eyes?

Maybe he’s dreaming about me, Xue Yang thought, and had to bite down on a laugh.

He could see the big vein in Xiao Xingchen’s throat throbbing with his rapid pulse. It’d be so easy. He could draw his knife and plunge it in in less than a second. He could slide it between his ribs and up into his heart. He could slice him open like a pig and pull his guts out through the gash. It’d be quick. Or it wouldn’t, and he’d make Xiao Xingchen scream before he died.

Xue Yang cocked his head to the side and thought about it. What it’d look like. How it’d feel.

He pressed his tongue to his teeth and thought about licking Xiao Xingchen’s blood off his fingers.

His body snapped taut at a sleepy, “Daozhang?” and he moved immediately, dropping down into a crouch next to the bed and reaching out to give Xiao Xingchen’s shoulder a gentle shake.

“Daozhang,” he said, pitching his voice low but gentle. “Xiao Xingchen, wake up.”

Xiao Xingchen was a cultivator. He woke up quickly too, with a sharp inhale. “What,” he said, and Xue Yang let go of him quickly in case he lashed out.

“What’s going on?” a-Qing asked behind him, voice clearer. “I heard noises.”

“Your Daozhang was having a bad dream,” Xue Yang said. “I was just waking him up.”

Xiao Xingchen’s lips pressed together. “I’m sorry for waking both of you,” he said, and his voice sounded - not shaky, exactly, but shaken, and subdued. “I’m all right. You can go back to sleep now.”

“Thanks for the permission,” Xue Yang said. “But I’m good.”

“A-Qing…”

“I’m good, too,” she said stubbornly, but Xue Yang heard her yawn.

“You’re young,” Xiao Xingchen said. He sounded exhausted. It was so - human. Which of course he was, flesh and blood just like the rest of them, but there was still something sort of weird about hearing it. “You need your rest.”

“But-”

“You heard him, Little Blind,” Xue Yang said. “Go to bed. Your coffin’s going to get cold.”

“But-”

“A-Qing,” Xiao Xingchen said, and after a moment she made a disgruntled, frustrated noise and shuffled out. There was a brief silence, and then Xiao Xingchen said, “you, too.”

“Nah,” Xue Yang said. “Like I said, I’m good.”

Xiao Xingchen reached up to his face and touched the bandage, then stiffened with a sharp breath in and turned his face away. “Oh,” he said. “I-”

Shame, Xue Yang thought, with a little thrill. He was ashamed. Of the blood, or what it meant? How it revealed what he so carefully covered up?

“Looks like you need a fresh bandage,” he said, carefully matter-of-fact. Xiao Xingchen turned his face further away.

“I’ll - take care of it.”

“Want help?”

“No,” Xiao Xingchen said, his voice sharp, and then quickly added, softer, “thank you. And...thank you for waking me.”

Xue Yang shrugged. “It’s nothing.”

Which it was. He hadn’t done anything. Wasn’t doing anything. Wasn’t going to kill him. It’d be too easy, he decided, doing it when he was sleeping. He wouldn’t know. Xue Yang wanted him to know.

Xiao Xingchen took a long, deep breath. “I’m all right. Really.”

“Yeah,” Xue Yang said. “I know. Want to go for a walk?”

If Xiao Xingchen had eyes, Xue Yang thought he’d be staring at him. “What?”

“A walk,” Xue Yang said. “You know. That thing you do outside sometimes.”

Xiao Xingchen didn’t laugh. “It’s the middle of the night.”

“Not like it makes a difference to you, does it?” Xue Yang said. “I do it sometimes. Helps clear my head.” He stood up and stretched. “Up to you. But I think I’ll go regardless. And who knows what’ll happen if I’m out there on my own.”

“Your injuries-”

“Doesn’t have to be a long walk.”

Xiao Xingchen was quiet for a while. Then he said, “all right. I need to get dressed.”

“Great,” Xue Yang said with a grin. “See you outside.”

He put on his robe and went out, stretching his arms overhead and looking up at the sky, the stars. The moon.

Now why, he thought, had he done that? Xiao Xingchen’s nightmares were none of his concern.

It was sort of funny, though, wasn’t it? Comforting him. Helping him. It’d twist the knife harder when he eventually found out. Make it cut deeper. Maybe he’d cry, blood tears running down his cheeks, and Xue Yang would trace them with his finger, lick it clean. Xiao Xingchen, he’d say. Looks like you need a fresh bandage.

“You know your roof is leaking,” Xue Yang said. Xiao Xingchen sighed.

“I’m aware,” he said.

“Just making sure,” Xue Yang said.

“I keep meaning to fix it,” Xiao Xingchen said.

“Daozhang,” Xue Yang said with exaggerated patience, “meaning to fix it doesn’t mean fuck if you don’t just do it. That’s like saying-”

He cut off before he said that’s like saying you’re going to kill someone and not following through.

“Like saying what?”

“Like saying you’re going to go night hunting and then sitting at home on your ass,” Xue Yang said.

“Are you calling Daozhang lazy?” a-Qing said. “You’re the lazy one here. Useless.” Xue Yang’s face dropped into a scowl.

“You’ve really got a talent for interrupting conversations that don’t involve you,” he said. Xiao Xingchen frowned in his direction.

“Our guest is just pointing out that I should have done something about the roof leak before now,” Xiao Xingchen said. “And he is right.”

“Course I am,” Xue Yang said. “I’m right about a lot of things.”

A-Qing snorted. “Yeah,” she said. “Name one.”

You’re an ugly little brat who ought to get slapped. “Xiao-daozhang is the most beautiful cultivator in the world,” he said. Xiao Xingchen’s face went red. A-Qing scowled.

“I wouldn’t know,” she said. “So I’d just have to take your word for it.”

“It’s not true,” Xiao Xingchen protested. “Our guest is just teasing.”

Xue Yang shrugged. “One against one, Daozhang. Too bad we don’t have a tie breaker.”

Xiao Xingchen’s face was still flushed bright. Like he’d been slapped, all the blood right under the skin, and Xue Yang wondered if his skin would feel hot if he touched it. If he’d bleed faster if he cut into his cheek.

He’d started to think maybe he shouldn’t kill Xiao Xingchen after all. It might actually be better to leave him alive. Dead people couldn’t suffer like living ones.

He leaned back on his hands. His leg was feeling better these days. His other wounds were well on the way to healing. He could probably leave, if he wanted to. Slip out in the middle of the night.

Maybe he’d cut a-Qing’s throat to leave a message. That’d probably hurt Xiao Xingchen worse than anything Xue Yang could do to him.

It was an idea. He tucked it away for consideration.

“Anyway,” he said. “You should definitely do it before winter or Little Blind will freeze to death.”

“Why don’t you do it,” a-Qing said loudly.

“What’ll you pay me for it? I don’t do that kind of work for free.”

A-Qing scowled harder. “You’re eating our food and sleeping in our house,” she said. “Ugh. You’re the worst.”

“A-Qing,” Xiao Xingchen said, “our guest is still injured. You wouldn’t want him to aggravate his injuries further.”

“Says who,” a-Qing muttered under her breath. Xiao Xingchen seemed to pretend not to hear.

“I’ll get some supplies tomorrow,” he said. “It is starting to get colder. But don’t worry about helping, Stranger. I can manage.” He gave Xue Yang a horribly gentle smile. Why are you like this, Xue Yang thought angrily.

Yeah. He wouldn’t kill Xiao Xingchen at all. Just cut up his face so he couldn’t smile like that anymore. He wouldn’t even know how awful he looked until people started recoiling from him in horror, exclaiming with disgust.

Yeah. That was an idea. Kill a-Qing and ruin that pretty face.

He’d get around to it before winter, once he was fully healed, and find someplace nice and warm to set up in for the cold months. No reason to stay in this miserable dead city when there was a whole world to explore.

Xiao Xingchen did not have any idea how to patch a roof.

Xue Yang ended up mostly doing it for him.

There was an itch under Xue Yang’s skin, in his bones. He didn’t know why, exactly. He just got like this sometimes, tense and restless and jumpy and he didn’t like it. Usually he dealt with it in one of two ways: killing someone or fucking someone. Or both.

He hadn’t killed anyone yet today, but he was thinking about it. It’d probably be a-Qing. She was getting on his last nerve, and he kept thinking if he killed her quick and quiet and dumped her body in the river Xiao Xingchen would never need to know.

Though why it’d matter if Xiao Xingchen knew was another matter.

He didn’t think he’d really kill a-Qing either, though. Maybe one of the merchants in the market. The one who’d tried to sell them half-rotted turnips. He’d deserve it. Yeah. Him. He’d make a good target.

Itch, itch, itch. Fuck. He was going to crawl out of his skin if he didn’t-

“Stranger?”

Xue Yang whirled around, knife in hand, and just checked the movement before he put it through Xiao Xingchen’s neck. Or, he would’ve checked it, but Xiao Xingchen caught his arm first.

Xue Yang froze. His body coiled tight, ready for the retaliation. Briefly, he wanted to laugh. The first time he really got close to stabbing Xiao Xingchen since waking up here and it hadn’t even been on purpose.

Xiao Xingchen felt down Xue Yang’s arm to his hand, his fingers wrapped around the knife. Least it wasn’t his left. He paused for a moment, then let go and stepped back.

“I startled you,” he said.

Xue Yang blinked. “I was thinking about something else,” he said cautiously.

“Apparently so,” Xiao Xingchen said. He smiled, barely, and bowed. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re - for what?”

“Startling you,” Xiao Xingchen said. Xue Yang stared at him.

“I almost stabbed you,” he blurted out, and then grimaced.

“Yes,” Xiao Xingchen said. “But you didn’t. I suppose this might be a different conversation if you had.” His voice was still even, calm. Xue Yang stared at him harder, hating the confusion that was starting to overtake the itch for violence.

“Probably wouldn’t be a conversation,” he said, before he meant to. Xiao Xingchen smiled a little.

“I suppose not,” Xiao Xingchen said. “A good thing I have quick reflexes.” He paused, the smile fading. “Stranger...I know that you have...a history. That there are shadows in it you don’t want to discuss. For all your good humor, you are tense, and watchful, and wary. A man - a cultivator - does not end up on the side of a road in your condition without having made dangerous enemies.”

Xue Yang opened his mouth, then closed it, getting tenser by the second. He still had his knife in hand, but Xiao Xingchen had shown he could catch him, and while Shuanghua wouldn’t be able to sense him the way it did ghosts and the like-

“Whatever you might have done,” Xiao Xingchen said, his voice quiet and serious, “it doesn’t matter now.”

Xue Yang’s voice was locked in his throat. Speechless. He wasn’t speechless very often. There was a laugh in there, too, thinking wildly really, is that really true, Xiao Xingchen, would you still say that if I told you my name-

“Pretty generous of you, Daozhang,” he said. “I might’ve done anything.”

“Perhaps,” Xiao Xingchen said. “But you have not done anything to me, or to a-Qing, or to the people here.”

Not yet, anyway, was his first thought, and then oh. Oh, that was rich, that was hilarious, that was-

He felt sort of weird, suddenly. Not sick, and nothing was hurting, just - weird. Off-balance. The itch was completely gone now, leaving something else in its wake that he couldn’t quite pin down.

“Xiao-daozhang,” he started to say, and then stopped. Xiao Xingchen gave him a small smile.

“Most people, I think, have shadows in their pasts,” Xiao Xingchen said. “I am not a magistrate. I would rather not act as one.”

Xue Yang thought of Xiao Xingchen and Song Lan’s eagerness to deliver him to justice, and wanted to laugh. But only for a moment.

He sucked on his teeth. Cocked his head to the side.

“Call me Chengmei,” he said. And waited. Waited to see any sign of recognition, of memory, of understanding.

Xiao Xingchen smiled, slightly. “Chengmei,” he said. “Thank you.”

Xue Yang huffed a laugh. “For what?”

“For telling me your name.”

Huh. Xue Yang wanted to laugh, would’ve laughed, did laugh, a little. “That’s not telling you much, Xiao-daozhang. It’s just a name. It might not even be my real one.”

“I know,” Xiao Xingchen said. He didn’t reach out, just smiled that warm smile that Xue Yang hated, that set off that strange and twisting feeling like a worm winding through his insides. Nobody had made that face at him before. Not like that. “But at least now I don’t have to call you ‘Stranger.’”

“You still could, if you wanted,” Xue Yang said, which made Xiao Xingchen laugh. Everything made him laugh. He had a stupid sense of humor, Xue Yang was starting to realize.

Such an idiot.

Xiao Xingchen gave him one last smile and went back inside. Xue Yang looked after him, eyes narrowed.

He should’ve gone by now, probably. He was getting comfortable, and comfortable was dangerous.

But he had a good thing going, here. And he could end it whenever he wanted. The second he got sick of this game, he could finish it, and Xiao Xingchen, too.

There was no reason to hurry, though. No rush.

And he had some ideas for how to keep things fun.

He had time.

#anonymous #xue yang #xiao xingchen #xuexiao #(you know it's going there)#the untamed #the sad queer cultivators show #a wild fic appeared

81 notes · View notes

brickercupmasterx3 · 3 years

Text

“Confessions in the Darkened Room”-

AN: I’m NOT exactly too proud of this fic and I’m still going back and forth on it, but I shared it with a friend (you know who you are) and she said it was fine... So I’ve decided to post it anyway? (I’m going to log off for the rest of the day so I don’t feel tempted to delete this minutes after I posted it. However when tomorrow comes, don’t be surprised if I do delete this post.)

And no, this was NOT the second fic I had in mind that I mentioned on my Lukanette blog.

These deal with my own headcanons dealing with Feloe (Felix x Chloe pairing). This ship has little to no content, and I’ve been kinda into it lately. So yeah... Here’s my (terrible, imo) contribution. (If I do end up drawing them eventually, that’s why. They’re a fun pair and I have a few story lines prepared for them. I’m NOT planning to write them out though.)

(I would also like to apologize in advance if anything seems out of place or rushed? I tried my best to make things organic, but anymore and I probably would have screwed this up further.)

Anyways, I’m done talking. So here. Enjoy?

______________________________

First thing Chloe knew, she was arguing with the most insufferable guy she’s ever known and the next, the two were shoved inside a closet. She had no doubt about who pushed them, considering there was only one other person in the room, aside from herself, that knew about her feelings for the boy.

It had been around half an hour since the two blondes were locked inside the closet, neither having said a word since then. Chloe knew she’d have to say something sooner or later, but when? There was never a right time to admit to someone who had brought you down and made you feel inferior all your life that you’ve grown feelings for them, could there?

Felix sighed, clearly annoyed at the situation they were forced into. While it wasn’t in the most pleasing of circumstances, at least this provided him the space to get some closure with the girl. She may have those infuriating moments when all she can talk about is Adrien, but lately, throughout their whole “fake dating” scene… He’d found himself falling for her more than he thought possible.

He enjoyed the closeness and getting to know her more, in and out of character. He’d memorized her facial expressions, the sound of her laughter, her touches… Basically everything… Not that he’d admit it aloud to the blonde girl at all. Otherwise, he wouldn’t hear the end of it.

“So… What’d you want to talk about?” Chloe asked, trying to speed things along so that she wouldn’t have to be trapped with him any longer than necessary. “I don’t know about you, but I’d rather get out of here as soon as possible. Don’t exactly find it thrilling to spend too much time with you.”

He rolled his eyes at her usual antics. “Not like spending time with you is any picnic either.”

“If I’m that revolting to you, then why ask me to play the role of your fake girlfriend?” She asked, awaiting for whatever response he’d be willing to give her. His responses were always the same, and she knew she shouldn’t have hoped for anything different, but she could dream.

“I needed a favor, Chloe. You fit the bill and that was it.” He responded, keeping it short.

"That's all you ever say." She said, crossing her arms. "Sometimes, it just feels like you're this emotionless robot with the same practiced lines. Is there really nothing else on your mind?"

"Why does it even matter to you? The only person you ever cared about was Adrien!" He shouted, just about done with her.

"I can't believe you…" Chloe started, anger evident in her eyes. "That's honestly what you think? Even tracking back to our childhood where I tried so hard to be your friend? Need I remind you that you rejected me?"

"Did you really expect me to take your friendship?" He looked over to her, returning her glare. "And watch you become another one of those annoying fangirls of Adrien's?"

"Did you really think so lowly of me then that you couldn't find a single ounce of genuineness in my eyes then?" She looked away from him, trying so hard to conceal all those horrible childhood memories. "Of course you did. After all, I played my part perfectly well… The bratty, spoiled rich kid who wanted nothing but to be part of the Agreste family. No matter the cost…"

“Are you seriously trying to get me to buy into that?” Felix looked at her as if she was crazy. “Would you stop trying to make up excuses to justify your petty behavior from back then? And just take responsibility for what you really are.”

“Responsibility? For what exactly?" Chloe shouted, more than fed up with his attitude. "Do you really think that this is what I wanted for myself? You don't know me! You never tried to get to know me, even with the several chances offered to you!"

"Why exactly would I want to? You've shown your true colors and by the way you're acting right now, you're not making yourself look any better." He said matter of factly.

"Ugh!" She groaned. "Fine! Think whatever you want about me! I'm done trying with you… Done with this stupid arrangement of ours altogether!"

“We had a deal… You can’t just back out of it now.” “Why not? You’re insufferable, Felix! You constantly treat me like trash, bring me down all the time with your pathetic insults and just expect me to sit there and take it like I’m inferior to you!” The blonde girl knew she couldn’t normally act out like this in public, but considering Sabrina locked them inside to talk feelings, that’s precisely what she was going for. “Well… You’re not any better than I am. These petty feelings you say I have, well, you have the same ones towards Adrien. Neither of us get why, because you refuse to tell us anything.”

“That’s hardly any of your business.” came his simple reply. “I didn’t ask you to help me out with this in order for us to get to know one another better. I could care less about your opinion on any matter. I simply just needed someone around to get that annoying Bridgette out of my life. You just fit the part.” “So… You’re just using me?” Chloe laughed, of course it was moreso a fake one, not that he’d know the difference. She needed to save her pride, not give him the satisfaction that he’d gotten to her yet again. It was just as she’d feared, wasn’t it? He never cared about her, no matter what she did. “Of course, you are… It never mattered how well I played the doting girlfriend part… Nothing can ever satisfy you.”

He just stared blankly at her, rolling his eyes at her usual dramatics. “Are you done yet?”

“As done as I am with you…” She responded, rolling her eyes at him.

How she fell for him over his nicer, denser cousin, Adrien, she wouldn’t understand. In ways, Adrien was everything she should have desired. He had the status, the cash, the looks… Those were the things she was supposed to chase after for the sake of her mother’s approval. Chloe was a Bourgeois. And Bourgeois’ don’t settle for anything less than the best.

But that wasn’t what she wanted for herself… Adrien just wasn’t it for her.

While he was kinder, sweeter, most endearing and at times a bit more understanding than his jerk of a cousin… Adrien couldn’t understand most social cues, which was indeed beyond frustrating. Nor could he tell the difference between liking someone as a “friend” or more. The boy had been sheltered from the real world for the majority of his life, she knew that and she couldn’t fault him for those things… And she didn’t… but she knew he’d never be more to her than just that childhood friend she adores…

And it hurts, because loving him would’ve been easier… Adrien wouldn’t reject her out of malice, unlike Felix. He’d do his best to let her down easy, if he came to figure out her feelings, because first and foremost, the two were friends. And the Agreste boy obviously treasured the Bourgeois girl as family, just as she did him.

Chloe then resigned to sit down at the farthest corner from Felix, quietly mumbling something under her breath as she finally registered her thoughts.

“If you have something to say, come out with it.” The boy said. He was a no-nonsense kind of guy and mumbling just wasn’t his style.

“Why would you care so suddenly? I’m of no interest to you.” She said softly, hiding her face between her legs… If she’d said anymore, her feelings would probably be out in the open and he’d know.

Felix had been witness to many of Chloe’s outbursts… but this? This wasn’t one of them.

She was never this quiet or reserved around him. She always had something to say and that's how he liked it. Chloe may be loud, annoying, spoiled and all-around self centered from what he'd seen, but he wouldn't have it any other way… So why the sudden change in attitude?

He tried to reach out to the other blonde, but his attempt was met by a slap. She clearly was in no mood to entertain him, much too lost in her thoughts to do much else. It didn't help matters that she was shaking either.

Had he really upset her that much?

"Chlo, come on. Just come out with it." He insisted.

She didn't budge, just kept her head down and ignored his words. If he wasn't going to listen to her at all, then she wouldn't either. It was a two-way street after all.

_______________________

Within the next fifteen minutes or so, her breathing had finally evened out again. Chloe couldn’t even bother herself to give him the time of day at all anymore. She’d finally raised her head and stood up silently, making her way back to the door.

“Sabrina... Whatever it is you thought was going to be resolved here isn’t going to happen… So just open the door, will you?” She spoke, still pretty soft, but a little louder than the response she'd given Felix just minutes ago. Chloe couldn't be bothered to yell out as angrily as she’d had done when she and Felix were both thrown inside.

Unluckily for her, there was no response from her redheaded friend on the other side of the door. Though she supposed it was to be expected, not that she could blame her.

The blonde girl then sighed again. Not only was she stuck with the guy she liked, but she wasn't even close to being in control of her own emotions either. So she decided to keep the silent treatment intact, and have her back turned to him for as long as she could.

"You're seriously going to keep this act up?" Was the blonde boy's interjection in this silence. "You can't stay silent forever."

Why he was still even trying to get to her is something she wouldn't understand, but knowing him, he probably wouldn't stop until she gave in.

"Fine… What do you want from me?" Chloe asked, obviously annoyed by him. "To tell me how much it is you hate me? Because if you haven't figured it out by now, I know that already."

"I just want to know what's wrong with you. You normally have more bite to your words." He said, because she did. She wouldn't let him get away with what he normally said.

"What's wrong with me?" She finally turned and glared over at him. "What's wrong with me is you… You, Felix. You'll always be the problem!"

"What?" He raised a brow, confused.

"Seriously? You don't even see it? You ask me for a favor and you're in no way, shape or form, grateful for any of it! I play this role I hate perfectly, but you're NOT man enough to admit it!" She yelled out beyond frustrated with him.

She hated that she gave in to her emotions so easily, but how else was she going to get those feelings out in the open? She hated him for making her feel the way she did and she wasn't going to let him off easy until she was done.

"Do you think any of this is easy for me? Do you even try to act like a boyfriend, fake or otherwise, would to someone he's dating? No! Because it seems you're incapable of showing any emotion to me other than one of hatred or indifference, all depending on your mood!" She continued. "If you hate me this much, just end it! This isn't going well for either of us and… and I'm tired of it… I'm tired of growing angrier than I've ever been. Exhausted from everything that's going on between us…"

“There’s nothin-” Felix started, but couldn’t finish because the female blonde wouldn’t let him.

“Don’t you think I know that?” She asked, nearing her breaking point. It was unbelievable how he couldn’t get what she meant. “That’s precisely why this has to end... You hate me as it is, and I just can’t deal with this anymore!”

Chloe wasn’t one to just break down without reason. Having always had to bottle up her emotions and fake others, wasn’t an easy task and it’s started to take more of a toll on her since this dumb “fake dating” favor started. What was she supposed to do? Continue this when it wasn’t doing her heart any good? No. That wouldn’t have been healthy and she knew that well enough already.

“... I… I wish I did have actual feelings for Adrien, you know?” She started, pretty much having to hold back from shedding any tear at this point. “Things would have been easier… He wouldn’t have done anything to hurt me. And I would have been perfectly content just being his friend.”

“Are you ever going to stop denying such an obvious fact? You’ve been into him literally all your life!”

"That's not true! He was never the one I fell for…" She responded, hugging herself, because she was sure that after this there would be no going back. "Even back when we were younger, loving him never crossed my mind. I didn't have many friends… And I still don't, but I wanted to try…"

“Try what? Befriending someone with no interest in you whatsoever?” He asked, still extremely annoyed at how hard she tried to prove him wrong. “Becoming friends with just another girl who claims to be in love with my cousin isn’t something I’d ever want.”

“Well, good then! Since that’s NOT even the reason I tried so hard anyway!” She yelled back in frustration. “It was never my intention to make you feel like second best… but you wouldn’t know that since you rejected me every chance you got!”

“As if I’d believe anything you’d have to say… There’s nothing you could say that could sway me to believe you in the least.” He rolled his eyes. Who did she think she was anyway?

“O-Of course not… You’re heartless, Felix…” Chloe said, looking straight into his eyes. The girl never wanted to believe such a thing, but he’d proven it, especially with the way he normally treated her. “It’s sad how nothing could ever make its way through that cold and tough exterior of yours… You’re so unwilling to let anyone in, that I can see now that nothing’s ever going to change.”

The tears became harder to contain with every word she spoke. Chloe was very self conscious and she hated that it had come to this. She was stronger than this.

"... You never made it easy, you know?" The blonde girl continued, closing her eyes shut, as if that would have been enough to keep the water in. "At first, I thought that was just you playing around… but the more time went by, the more I realized that was just you… You hated everyone and everything around you… And I still don't understand why I tried so hard to change it… because you're never going to see me that same way…"

He just stared at her. Was she trying to tell him the one thing he always wanted to hear? She wasn't completely clear, so he wouldn't know.

“It was never even about Adrien… He wasn’t the one who’d stolen my heart.” She’d looked down upset, tears on the verge of slipping away. “But then again, why would you care? I’m nothing but an inconvenience to you.”

Not being able to hold back much longer, the girl just let her tears flow freely. What else could she do now that things were out in the open? She wasn't sure anymore.

"I… I hope you're proud of yourself…" Chloe said in between sniffles, all the while wiping away whatever tears she could with her hands. "J-jerk…"

Before she could utter another word, she found herself enveloped in warmth. She wasn't sure how or when it occurred, since her main focus was ridding herself of the tears in her eyes. And when she looked up, she'd found herself staring at those same hues belonging to the one person who had stolen her heart.

"W-What are you-?"

"Look, I'm not too good at this "comforting" thing… I just know I don't ever want you feeling this way, okay?" He said. "Especially if it's because of me."

"Why the sudden change of heart?" She asked, curiously.

"Because if I'm honest, I never actually hated you, Chloe. I was just under the impression that that's how guys would act around girls to show them that they were interested in them." He responded.

"That explains a lot actually… Sabrina thought as much, but I just couldn't believe her." Chloe commented, in between sniffles. "Though an easier way to let a girl know you're interested is to just ask them out."

"And would you do me the honor of going on a date with me?" He asked her straight out. Not at all planning to waste another second, as he'd had the last few years. "A real one this time."

"Hmmm…" She hummed, as if deep in thought. "Maybe… if you can handle high maintenance and clingy?"

"Only if it's you."

"Damn right." She said, with a little soft smile on her lips, before it turned to a serious thin line. "I still expect you to make it up to me though. For making me so angry and upset in the past."

"Demanding as always, are you?" He said, a little playfully. "Alright… Whatever you want."

"We'll talk about the details later. Just hold me close for now, okay?" The girl requested, just enjoying being near him.

"Okay." He agreed, not at all minding her request. Felix could get used to this.

He just hoped that the next time they hugged or had an intimate moment, it wouldn’t be under these circumstances.

#chloe bourgeois #felix graham de vanily #sabrina raincomprix mentioned #adrien agreste mentioned #chlodrien friendship #feloe #miraculous ladybug #ml #brickercupmasterx3 #bmx3

16 notes · View notes

letsbeexistential · 3 years

Text

A Look Back At This Blog

Hey there,

I haven’t touched this blog for years but it’s really been haunting me haha. I don’t think this blog experiences much activity and I generally don’t have an online presence, so there probably isn’t any need to make a post like this. I guess it’s mostly for my own sake and to put to rest some concerns I’ve had about the content I put out on the site.

When I look back and really think about the ship discourse and content I created (i.e the moontoffee debacle), it kind of makes me feel embarrassed. I’d always been very mindful of the fact that younger people checked the tags, and I never wanted to make anything M rated for the community, especially as I was 21 at the time the blog was made. I liked being able to keep my content accessible to the demographic star vs was aimed at. I still feel uncomfortable with the moontoffee art that I made, though, despite me shipping them more platonically as friends rather than potential romantic partners. Before the canon backstories of these characters were established, I was enamored with the idea of two characters who were once close friends being forced apart by political ideology and their cultural environments. The moment the trailer for Battle for Mewni came out, my interest in the ship dropped. First, it was because it was shown in the trailer that Toffee was responsible for Moon’s mother’s death, and that he had no prior involvement in the butterfly family’s history. Then the episodes aired and it was established Moon was 14 when she first met Toffee. That was definitely the nail in the coffin and the reason I feel really uncomfortable when I think about the art I made on the blog. I never saw the two as being anything other than platonic but the ship leaves a bad taste in my mouth now for obvious reasons.

Over the past couple of years, I’ve often considered deleting the blog completely without a word, but I certainly don’t want to run away from the content I put on out in the tag. I’d like to address it rather than pretend it never happened. All this to explain why the art on my blog might be taken off. I struggle with the question of whether or not my content should stay posted. I think for now, I’ll ruminate on it, but I may remove the moontoffee content later on.

Star vs still has a place in my heart, and it was the first time I’d ever gotten deeply involved with an online community. I hate the idea that I made problematic material for the show and didn’t address it sooner. I’m really sorry about that.

I don’t know if anyone will read this, but I feel better knowing I’ve addressed it. Of course, no one has to feel the need to forgive me, but I’m glad I’ve expressed my feelings regardless.

Thanks for the good times, tumblr.

#existential rambling

11 notes · View notes

xeunoais · 4 years

Text

Seeing Someone

(A/N: this the part two for Remember and i think it may be sadder than the first one. So i hope you enjoy this.)

(UPDATED A/N): this is no longer a part two for remember because i don’t feel like it was a good part two now, going back over it. so it will just be its own little blurb!

Summary: You finally got all of your memory back after and decide to go and see Shawn after two years. It all goes well until Shawn has something to tell you.

Two soft knocks at my front door wake me up. I cautiously get up and walk downstairs and over to it. Stopping and checking the time. Almost seven in the morning. Who the hell would be here right now?

I peek out of the small window in the door before unlocking it and opening it.

Someone grabs me and pulls me close before hugging me tightly. I push the person back, stopping to look at who it was.

"What the hell?" I say stepping back into the house a little. Am I dreaming right now?

"Y/n?" My tone softens and is sadder at the sight of my girl. Wait, is she even my girl anymore?

"I remember." She says her voice cracking and her eyes were puffy and red.

My mouth fell open. I’m trying to find the right words but can't seem to fit them all together.

"Please. Just listen. All I need is for you to listen to me." She says and taking a slow step into the house. I nod and walk around her closing the door and then sit on the couch.

So many memories flood back. The time her and I first stepped into this place and instantly knew it was ours. All of the New Years parties we threw here. When she forced me to watch the movie My Girl with her and we both ended up crying because of it. And so much more. All of the memories her and I shared here came flooding back in my mind at the sight of her.

I look at her intently waiting for her to say something. She looked so gorgeous. Even after two years without seeing her, she still looked like the same girl I fell in love with.

"I'm sorry I hugged you like that and didn’t even say hi first. I couldn't help myself. But Shawn, I remember everything now. I have for a couple months now, but nobody would let me visit you before. Until today, I got your mom’s number from my mom’s phone and bought a plane ticket by myself. She came and picked me up and brought me to you."

"You’ve known for a couple months? How long is a couple months?" I say quietly.

“Nine.”

“What the fuck?!” I said raising my voice slightly. Nine months? She’s remembered for nine months and hasn’t said anything. What is going on right now?

"I know! And I just want ready then! I just got all my memory back and I didn't want to rush into coming and seeing you. And I was scared to get here and see that you’ve moved on."

"Why now? Why didn't you call and tell me you got your memory back but wasn’t ready to come home yet? I went on everyday for those two years praying to god that you would come back to me. And now that I finally started to accept everything, you’re here and saying that you remember."

"I'm sorry. I just. I don't know what I was thinking okay?I just-"

I cut her off by pulling her into a kiss. A gentle but passionate kiss that I have craved for so long. But it feels so wrong.

When I pulled away tears were streaming down my face. She reaches up, caressing my cheek and wipes away the tears with her thumb.

"Don't cry bub." She said pulling me closer and kissing my cheek. Bub, I haven’t been called that since the night before her car accident.

She holds me the way she used to when we kissed. Her small hands on my face, fingers getting lost in my hair. I look down at her. I missed her more than I can ever explain.

“You know, I blamed myself for what happened to you for so long. If I wouldn’t have ever told given you the idea to come and surprise me at the studio, you wouldn’t be in the situation you have been. You would’ve still been here with me and we would be engaged and about to be married by now.”

“You shouldn’t have been blaming yourself. I had that idead long before you mentioned it. I was planning on doing it anyways. I just thought that I would go sooner rather than later.”

I started at her. The woman that I loved more than anything on this planet. The woman I tried to put my life on hold to wait for. But failed so desperately at. And now I have her sitting in front of me, ready to start our lives together again.

What the fuck am I supposed to do now?

"I love you." She says and gently pecks my lips.

"Wait. There’s something I need to tell you." I said slowly, realization settling in.

“Okay. What is it bub?” She says, looking me in the eyes, trying to read me.

“I’m seeing somebody.”

“You’re what?!”

The End

(A/N: i know that this is short and probably sucks but i still hope you enjoyed! and i had this almost completely written not to long ago and it ended up getting deleted so here’s what i came up with because i know that there was no way i was gonna be able to rewrite it exactly how i had it before. anyways remember feedback is highly appreciated!)

86 notes · View notes

lwtq-undertale · 3 years

Text

I swear you will get to know how the story ends but I can't promise it'll be the way you expected it :x

So... Hey guys. I bet I surprised at least a few of you by updating this fanfic, huh? I hope you won't be too disappointed... I mean, I'm sure at least some of you saw this coming, since the fanfic has been waiting for chapter 14 for practically a year and, well, I kinda "moved on" with other stories since. Sorta.

First off: I'm not giving up. I won't orphan the fanfic on AO3, delete it along with this blog, or give up updating it at all. In fact, I will be definitely giving a few more updates, hopefully sooner rather than later. It's just that these updates... won't technically be true chapters, sadly.

I've gotten more comments as of recently, here and there, on tumblr, deviantart, AO3, asking me to continue despite the fact that, well... I tried, but I can't. Not now, at least. I think said once that I wouldn't release LWtQ's plot and leave it at that, in order not to disappoint. But... Yeah, let's say I changed my mind. LWtQ is just too hard to write, too time-consuming, too nerve-wracking. Given my current situation and the fact that I'm about to start a PhD in molecular dynamics, I'm gonna be straightforward: what I need my free time to be is anything but years-long projects that take up all of my brain cells, after said brain cells already spent the entirety of the past few days/weeks/months/years working at full power. I'm not saying working on LWtQ or Pythagorean Thoughts or The Fifth Save isn't fun anymore, far from it-- I'm just saying that it's just extremely tiring, and that my physical and mental health just can't keep up with two full-time "jobs" that require my brain to work constantly.

So... I'll try to find a middle ground here. I'll reveal my notes, but in a form that lets only those who truly seek them out will get to read them -- because, y'know. Spoilers. I'll give a link to a Google Drive folder, and this folder will contain a large bunch of documents -- and those documents will be dedicated to giving either random notes I had for the fanfic, or, more importantly, a detailed summary of what I had planned for the story, chapter by chapter. I'll try to make these summaries as enjoyable to read as possible, still! Don't expect a mere checklist of things that were supposed to happen. The thing I'd ideally like those summaries to feel like is some sort of mix between one of those plot summaries you find on wikias, and a sort-of minimalistic fanfic. So, I'll try to make the text sound at least a bit engaging, but yeah the quality of the narration obviously won't be nearly as advanced as that of LWtQ.

Anyway. Those who want to seek out the story's secrets will have little trouble reading through everything I have, while those who would rather wait just have to, y'know, not click the link. (And also, very probably, not read the comments either, because I'm 99% certain that at least some of those who read the spoilers will want to talk about what happens. So be careful around the comment section from now on, just in case.)

Once again, the fact that I'm releasing those notes doesn't mean that the fanfic is abandoned for good. However... Hopefully it means I can relax a bit and feel less guilty upon extending the hiatus and ignoring the comments, until finally I can afford to continue this story for real. By the way, I am SO sorry for ignoring you if you were one of those readers who commented during the last few weeks/months. I just... I have a hard time handling the situation right now-- not just the fanfic, just pretty much everything that happens in my life to be entirely honest. With that, the guilt of disappointing, and the fact that I hate repeating myself, that's pretty much why I just... kinda didn't have the courage to answer you, I guess. Even though I make a point of never copy-pasting my messages when I'm talking to one person individually, just saying "hiatus" over and over feels like I'd be doing it anyway.

So with all that said... I'm sorry. For now, you may or may not know that I'm "rather" productive with that Hollow Knight comic/ask blog I've been running since June... It's kinda the only thing that keeps me sane right now because it's much easier to make, it's funny, it's a story that directly interacts with its readers, and it doesn't take ages to update, for once (at least until those darn readers started sending me encrypted messages in Morse code for whatever reason. Typical u_u). I guess that's why I have much less trouble working on it while working on LWtQ is so hard, despite the fact that I love both plots equally -- or even, I guess I kinda prefer LWtQ's plot, to be honest... It's more refined and complex and dives deeper into stuff. And the threat/stakes are much higher, too.

Anyway. If you've waited for long enough... Here's the link to this hellish pandora box that is my brain notes regarding this story.

>> Open the Spoilers Box <<

And now that this is out of the way... Here's how things will go from now on. So far, the only docs available in this folder are the beginning of chapter 14, as I was able to write it so far; the "first part" of the LWtQ script, which contains a summary of chapters 14 to 17; and, an extra doc that lists Dawn's online friends and is just really a list of random facts about them. In the future, I will update this fanfic regularly in order to let you know when other parts of the script are done, and a new doc that contains the summary for the next few chapters will be added to the folder. I initially planned to release the entire thing all at once, but... Hopefully you'll soon understand why I couldn't really do that, and why it probably wouldn't have been a good idea either way. Even a summarized version of LWtQ is gonna be one hell of a mess to write, and it'd be even more painful to read if I just released everything at once.

So... Just giving you a heads up for what's coming. I also have in the works, but haven't revealed yet : - The summary for the next chapters up until the end of the fanfic - An overly detailed doc dedicated to just LWtQ's backstory, which will only be revealed once I'm done with the summaries - A graph which summarizes LWtQ's timeline, because obviously time travel shenanigans tend to make things confusing. It includes the backstory mentioned above and therefore will only be revealed alongside it.

Oh, and... I know chapter 14 isn't finished, but just in case you wanted to read some fanfic stuff today, then I hope I can at least entertain you a bit with what I've already written of it.

#lwtq #lwtq fic

9 notes · View notes

aparticularbandit · 3 years

Note

From your deathless reblog: "I cannot keep you and I cannot let you go" for Roisa please!

DEATHLESS ♚ SENTENCE MEME

Below is the less morbid version. It still isn’t super fluff, but I may do a fluff one later because still have an idea for that. This! also has an AO3 copy if you find it easier reading them there!

You can find the morbid version here, but keep in mind that it has trigger warnings for graphic burn descriptions and a passing mention of suicidal ideation.

Luisa sits at the computer for what feels like the thousandth time since Rose’s disappearance – no, not since her disappearance, it’s been longer than that, this feels like the thousandth time since she was kidnapped and Rose reached out to her with a link to a chat room that must have been designed specifically for them. She hadn’t known that Rose knew a web designer. (She hadn’t known a lot of things about Rose.)

Her eyes scan what remains of their chat. Most of the message delete themselves within 48 hours, so there’s only so many she can read through. She remembers, though, a lot of what she’s asked and a lot of what she’s been told. Still, there’s one question that remains unanswered – one that she feels like she’s asked over and over, every time it disappears unanswered from the chat, only to have Rose avoid it entirely.

Why are you still in contact with me? she types, noting that it has disappeared. Someone could catch you – us! Isn’t this bad for you?

Rose won’t respond immediately. She rarely does, unless they’ve set a time to meet, and it would only be by chance for her to be on now, when Luisa is and they aren’t supposed to meet for another few hours. But Luisa wants the message to be there, waiting on her, the first thing Rose sees when she gets on. She can’t avoid it when it’s like that.

Of course, Luisa has told herself this before. It isn’t true. Rose just pretends to not be there until she, too antsy and anxious to begin their communication, writes something else, and then the question is ignored and forgotten.

But she’s determined.

This time, Rose will answer her. She will have her answer. She’s not sure she can wait for it any longer.

Luisa sits at the computer for what feels like the thousandth time since Rose’s death, and she knows that it has only been a week – if that. She’s not sure it’s even been a full week. Time doesn’t flow the way it normally does. Everything feels faster and slower at the same time. Sometimes Jane’s voice sounds like chipmunk speak, and sometimes Rafael’s speaks so slow that she knows he’s making words, but she can’t make out what they are. Then everything snaps back, and they’re speaking like normal, and they look at her like she’s crazy and missing something – and she is missing something, but she’s not crazy, she’s just having a hard time with all of this.

The computer is easier.

Texts are easier.

Letters usually stay in one place. Time can speed up or slow down, and she can still read words the same way. Sound is weird, motion is weird, but words stand still.

Of course, she’ll realize three hours later that it’s taken her three hours to read a text and that she was expected to respond three hours ago and hasn’t, which leads to a lot of apologizing because she can’t seem to stay in one time.

No, she does stay in one time, but the time is always the present and never the past, and she wants to be in the past.

She wants to close her eyes and see a living Rose, not one turned into a human shish-kabob. But when has the world ever really cared what she wants?

Luisa sits at the computer for what feels like the thousandth time since Rose died, and she takes a deep breath, and she has no idea how long it has been or how many times she has actually looked at the computer – maybe more, maybe less, time is a construct and she’s just stuck in the middle of it – but when she opens it this time, flicking to her email out of idle habit, not because she really wants to see anything or expects to see anything, but there’s an abstract hope for something – and there it is.

Another email with another link to another chatroom, and her heart freezes.

Time freezes.

It’s been doing that a lot lately, though, so it’s not really a her issue so much as she feels herself drifting to the past even though she’s certain she’s in the present and there’s no way that email really exists.

No.

She’s logged into the wrong one.

Rose had made her create a new email address once they began to live in the Caymans, and she’d switched everything over to that one. She’s logged into the old one out of habit, and there’s the email. The old one.

She knows that the chatroom doesn’t exist anymore – Rose had destroyed it as Susanna when she’d revealed its existence to the detectives – but she still clicks on it out of a longing for something. Even if the chatroom does still exist, all of their old messages would be gone. It’s been a lot longer than 48 hours since the last time they’ve used that chatroom. Everything would have erased itself by now.

It’s probably better that way. If the chatroom still existed, Luisa’s sure that she would spend hours reading and rereading through their old messages, trying to find something – an inkling of anything – that might suggest….

No. There isn’t anything to suggest. Rose is dead. Rose loved her, and Rose is dead, and the only thing she would get from reading these messages over and over again would be eternal guilt for killing the woman who actually loved her, so maybe it’s better that they’re gone and the chatroom doesn’t exist because it means she can’t use it to hurt herself.

Except that the chatroom opens.

It does exist.

Maybe Rose had only kept the link from working in the police station. Maybe it would have worked if Luisa’d tried to log in at the Marbella afterwards. But she’d never thought that was even possible, so she’d never tried.

Until now.

Luisa stares at the chat before her, blinks blankly at it, and reads the message written there.

Ask again.

Luisa stares at the words and stares at the words and tries to make them make sense and they don’t. Maybe this is another one of those time constraints – time is playing with her mind again – trying to make her think that she’s—

Her eyes narrow. She doesn’t shove the computer back – there’s no way of knowing when the message was sent, and if it only lasts for 48 hours, then it’s better that she answers sooner rather than later. If the message disappears before she says anything, she’s not certain that she’ll say anything at all. She’ll probably convince herself that there was never any message at all, and that isn’t true either – there it is, right there in front of her.

Why are you doing this? Luisa types, hesitant, fingers hovering over each key before she presses it. You could get caught! Wouldn’t that be horrible?

Worse now than it would have been then, if this is really Rose. She’s finally convinced everyone that she’s dead. Getting caught would be…would be devastating.

But there’s no way Rose is on right now. They were never on at the same time. Not unless they’d planned it, and there’s no plan here. Luisa hadn’t even known to log on. This is all an accident. She doesn’t know if it’s a happy one or not yet.

(It’s a happy one. If it’s real. If she isn’t just making all of this up.)

She stares at the screen for what feels like – no, she doesn’t know, time is a myth, and she’s just living through it, there’s no way of knowing how long she has been sitting here staring at the screen and puzzling over everything – before, finally (or immediately?) there is a reply.

I cannot keep you and I cannot let you go.

Luisa reaches out as though to touch the screen. Then her fingers flinch away, uncertain. She reaches forward and touches the screen anyway, tracing the words. Again, she doesn’t know how long she looks at the words, hearing them as though Rose is saying them aloud, brushing her fingers through her hair and tucking it back behind one ear. She doesn’t check the time. Is Rose dealing with this, too? That shift from slow to fast to the right speed?

No. Rose can’t be. Rose doesn’t grieve the way she does. (Rose would grieve losing her. Rose is using an old chatroom that she knows Luisa believes to be destroyed to try and communicate with a ghost of her. Maybe Rose is grieving. Maybe this is how – talking to ghosts the same way that Luisa does, only not the same way that Luisa does. Because look – here Luisa is, responding to her, when Luisa’s ghosts, if they respond, are never quite real.)

How long have you been doing this?

She knows the answer before Rose sends it: Since I died.

Luisa stares at the word, and it feels like her mind still doesn’t quite comprehend it. Her skin grows cold – colder than it normally is, frigid, freezing, dead – and before she can think, she answers, I killed you. Why would you want to talk with me?

You killed me once, and I did not die. Why did you think this time would be any different?

And again, that blank staring, that not quite comprehending, until, finally, she sends through, Where are you?

There’s a long enough time between her question and Rose’s response that Luisa can feel the weight of it on her shoulders, pushing down on them until she cannot bear it anymore. And yet, she stays where she is, staring at the screen, at the flickering blink of the cursor on her screen, even though she won’t send anything else. She keeps her fingers still, refuses to send anything to take that back – You don’t have to tell me, I’d understand why you wouldn’t want to tell me, maybe third time’s the charm, but I understand if you don’t want a liability such as me around anymore—

Rose sends her a location, and Luisa goes.

You would think that in such a situation, time would speed up, but it doesn’t. If anything, it feels like time travels slower, lingering and lingering. Luisa can almost hear the cars around her honking at her to speed up. They aren’t – she’s traveling at the right speed, she knows she is – and yet the feeling of everything dragging on around her, holding her back, refusing to let her move forward to meet Rose weighs on her almost as much as the minutes waiting for Rose’s response did.

But not enough, not nearly enough, and that’s the point of it, isn’t it, that as much as time tries to drag her back to the worst moment in her past (and there are a lot of bad moments, but this is the worst, isn’t it, because this one is her fault, and this one is a repeat of a mistake she’s already made once, only she hadn’t learned, had she? She hadn’t learned). Time tries to keep her centered in that moment, and here she is, trying to force herself out and away to something that will clear her mind and bring time back to its normal, proper state of being, and time refuses to let her.

She will win over time, in the end. She knows she will.

Even without this, even if this is all only a dream, in the end, even time will return to normal. Everything does, eventually. She won’t move on, but she’ll move on enough. If she lets go.

But Rose’s truth is her own – she cannot keep her, and she cannot let her go. No matter how hard she tries – no matter how many time Rose dies – no matter how many times they live this pattern over and over again, they return to it, they repeat it.

This time – this time, she’ll break the cycle. They’ll break the cycle. She doesn’t know how – it doesn’t quite matter how – only that it breaks, only that it breaks, only that it breaks.

There’s almost an hour of driving that feels like a small eternity before Luisa’s purple PT Cruiser sidles into the motel parking lot. (Of course, it would be this car – the same car she’d “crashed” to put herself in the hospital, the same car she’d “crashed” to lure Rose out of hiding all those years ago, the same car she’d “crashed” that led to Rose’s first, equally less fatal death. It’s the best car she’s ever had, and it’s the worst car she’s ever had – but that isn’t its fault, in the end, is it? It’s all her own fault.)

Over a decade, and the motel is abandoned. No one really stays here unless they need a place to stop after a long drive on the freeway – just a place to rest before getting up and going on their way again. There are too many other, slightly nicer and no less pricier hotels along this strip of land. This one just faded into obsolescence.

That isn’t why they chose it, that first time so long ago, but it’s certainly factoring into why Rose is choosing it now.

(No, it isn’t. It isn’t factoring into her choice at all. Rose chose this motel for the same reason she sat staring at a chatroom that shouldn’t exist anymore, waiting on answers from someone who wouldn’t know to log in and check for messages – it’s the haunting feeling of the thing, sitting in the middle of her chest, causing her to live and relive old moments in an attempt to win them back, to return to a past that she couldn’t – can’t – recapture. Only Rose is succeeding where the great Gatsby failed – she’s returning to the past. She’s bringing it back to her. But where Daisy never stayed with Gatsby, Luisa is determined, this time, to stay with Rose. But Daisy was determined to stay with Gatsby, too. It is what it is. Right now, she needs Rose. She needs her. To bring time back to normal.)

She fights the clenching in the pit of her stomach as she steps out of the car. It’s dark now. She doesn’t know what time it is, and the time doesn’t matter, only that it’s dark. She’s okay with the dark. So many of their meetings have been at secret locations such as this, in the dark just like this. Why should this one be any different? Just because they had full years of light and anywhere and everywhere – with Rose in a mask, sometimes, so not open because they have never been able to be open about anything, not entirely, not with anyone other than themselves, not with the people who are supposed to matter—

Supposed to matter as though they somehow don’t matter when they very clearly do matter but the choice has always broken her heart.

She doesn’t even have to knock on the door. It’s the only room with lights on, barely noticeable from the freeway as covered with curtains and blinds the way that they are, but this close, it is impossible for Luisa – looking, searching – to not see them. There’s a flicker at them as she approaches – Rose would have seen her headlights, must have seen her headlights, and gone to look, to check – and seeing her, there’s only another moment – another small eternity – and the door opens. It must open quickly, Luisa knows Rose well enough to know that it opens quickly, but she sees only that hesitant pause of time trying to stand still and unable to do so, and it feels as though this is a door in a horror movie, creaking and creaking and creaking like the fan in their house on the Caymans used to creak, a sound that she knows Rose hates, so there’s no way this door would creak, and then—

Rose.

Her heart beats, and it keeps time better than time does, because here is Rose, and here is her breath coming through her parted lips, and if time wants to slow down for a moment – or forever – but let them maintain their own time as separate and real and present – then she won’t mind in the slightest.

Rose opens the door and welcomes her in, and Luisa thinks she will never leave again.

#butimnotasexyrussian #bandit answers questions #bandit writes fic #rose solano #luisa alver #roisa #jtv #jane the virgin #will i get around to a fluff version #idk #but i have an idea for one that is more fluff #i feel like this one and the other one are semi parallels of each other #variations on a theme #I D K #I HOPE YOU LIKE IT

2 notes · View notes

iamjjmmma · 3 years

Text

My Own MBTI Test (Yes, You Can Call It JJ’s MBTI Test)

Usually, I only use this account for SU purposes. However, I don’t have any other ideas as to where to post this other than my own website I don’t have the time or mental wherewithal to create as of now, and I really don’t want it hanging around in my docs in the chance of being deleted.

Basically, I made this due to the idea that MBTI tests you can find on the Internet tend to be clunky and long. Sure, they allow for variety, which allows for complexity in discerning your personality, but this also makes for what can be a frustratingly long experience. That being said, because of this test’s binary nature, it may not be completely accurate. However, it will make an attempt to distinguish both your general MBTI type and your specific composition of each of the four letters. As usual, let me know if you find anything wrong with the test.

Without further ado, let’s begin. For ease of taking the test, you can copy and paste, open a new post, and then bold what applies to you before reblogging it. Make sure to credit me.

General (this is used to obtain your type. Because of the binary nature of types, you must pick the one that most closely applies to you).

It’s been a long, mind-numbing, draining day at work. Your friends call and ask you to join them for a night on the town, with them covering all the costs. What do you say?

A: “No, thank you!”. Then, you settle in for a nice night of watching movies, eating comfort food, and having a hot bath. (Introvert)

B: “Sure!”. You then have fun with your friends. (Extrovert)

Would you rather have a career in which you work with your...

A: Hands (Sensory)

B: Mind (iNtuitive)?

Head or heart?

A: Head (Thinking)

B: Heart (Feeling)

Would you say that you’re quick to jump to conclusions (this includes if you’re prone to saying, “I don’t know all the information and can’t form a perfect conclusion from that, BUT here’s the conclusion I do have…”), or is it more natural to you not to form an opinion until you’ve examined every possible source? Be honest.

A: The Former (Judging)

B: The Latter (Perceiving)

The capital letter at the beginning determines your type (except for iNtuitive). For example, if you picked B, B, B, A, then your letters would be E, N, F, and J (ENFJ). Go back through the test now, see what you picked, and write your letters down accordingly.

Now, if you’d like a specific composition of how introverted and extroverted you are, then you need to take four more tests. (Don’t worry, it’ll still be shorter, and easier, than the vast majority of MBTI tests you find online.)

The Introvert/Extrovert Composition Test:

Which would you prefer to do on the weekends with no prior plans?

A: Have a deep, personal, one-on-one day spent with your best friend

B: Have a fun, but not too personal, outing spent with a group of friends

Where are you more productive?

A: Someplace quiet

B: Someplace loud

How would you describe yourself in terms of your speech?

A: Reserved, taciturn, reticent

B: Outgoing, talkative, jovial

When you want a friendship, you..

A: Wait for someone to take the initiative for you, and then eagerly join that friendship

B: Take the initiative yourself

In general, which are you more prone to feeling in social situations?

A: Overwhelmed, overstimulated

B: Bored, understimulated

Where would you prefer to be?

A: In the background, where you can lie low

B: In the center of attention, where you can show off

How do you feel when talking to people you’ve never met before?

A: Awkward

B: Energized

You tend to get more joy out of...

A: Reading a book at home

B: Watching a movie at a movie theater

At work, you’re seen as someone who’s..

A: Timid and meek

B: Brash and perhaps seen by others as overbearing

Finally, in general, after social interaction, you feel...

A: Drained

B: Satisfied/wanting more

Obviously, if you chose A more often, you’re more introverted, and if you chose B more often, you’re more extroverted. But add the number of times you circle A and B. For example, if you, in that ENFJ example, circle A 3 times and B 7 times, then your introvert/extrovert composition would be 30% introverted, 70% extroverted. (Note: If you choose 5 and 5, don’t automatically assume you’re an ambivert. True ambiverts are in fact incredibly rare, and you’re better off going with what you chose on good ol’ question 10 to determine whether or not you’re an introvert or an extrovert. You just swing very slightly that way and may have ambiverted functions, that’s all. In addition, pure introverts and pure extroverts are incredibly rare, which means that if you circled 10 on either side, you’re probably closer to being 95-99% of one or the other instead of 100%. Bottom line: everyone has some introversion and some extroversion.)

The Sensory/iNtuition Composition Test

How well do you tend to remember events from your past?

A: Very well

B: Poorly

In general, do you focus on the here and now, or do you tend to get distracted by other timeframes?

A: Here and now

B: Other timeframes

Do you often dwell on the past?

A: No

B: Yes

Do you often dwell on the future?

A: No

B: Yes

Which of the following beliefs best applies to you?

A: “I am who I am thanks to the past, and there’s nothing I can do to change it.”

B: “Who I am now is who I am now. The past doesn’t matter.”

Your romantic relationships with others are mostly driven by?

A: Your differences from the other person

B: Your similarities to the other person

What grades did you/are you getting in school?

A: Mostly C’s, D’s, F’s

B: Mostly C’s, B’s, A’s

Someone who is fundamentally incompetent in your field, but very high-ranking, and someone who is very low-ranking, but is shown to be fundamentally very competent in skills related to your field, are both making conversation with you, acting very condescending in the process. Which one would you kick out of the room first?

A: The low-ranking one

B: The one who is fundamentally incompetent in your field

Would you describe yourself as more results-oriented or more process-oriented?

A: Process-oriented

B: Results-oriented

Finally, would you describe yourself as someone who prefers to be more concrete or more abstract?

A: Concrete

B: Abstract

Again, if you chose A more often, you’re more sensory, and if you chose B more often, you’re more intuitive. But add the number of times you circle A and B. For example, if the ENFJ example chose A 1 time and B 9 times, then their sensory/intuitive composition would be 10/90. (Note: If you choose 5 and 5, you’re in the right for assuming that you’re an even split between the both of them… in fact, this is the most common even split in all of these tests, and, surprisingly, these won’t fundamentally affect your personality in any drastic way. You simply prefer to have a completely even balance of sensory input and intuition. In addition, pure sensors and pure intuitives are incredibly rare, which means that if you circled 10 on either side, you’re probably closer to being 95-99% of one or the other instead of 100%. Bottom line, just like in the introverted/extroverted test: everyone has some sensory and some intuitive preferences.)

The Thinking/Feeling Test. Possibly the easiest test you’ll take among these four.

You have an unlikely dream you want to pursue, such as being a famous musician without any income to help get you off the ground. Do you pursue it?

A: No

B: Yes

Would you rather be in a relationship with someone who’s guaranteed to give you a financially stable existence or be in a relationship with someone that you’re completely, utterly, madly in love with?

A: The former

B: The latter

Your business is doing poorly, and one of your employees is in danger of being laid off. You have just enough money in your bank account to keep him afloat in your company, but that’s just about all the money that you have. What do you do?

A: Fire him. It’s the tough choice, but the choice you’ll have to make for the good of everyone involved, including the employee.

B: Give him the money. It’s what he would’ve done for you, and there’s always ways to find more money through your family and friends.

Would you rather be alone forever or settle with a partner who is less than ideal for you?

A: Be alone forever

B: Settle for a partner who is less than ideal for me

Your friends invite you for a surprise trip across the country, visiting all of the places on everyone’s bucket list! However, this will require you taking 3-4 weeks off of work, as well as paying for all of your travel expenses, and perhaps some of your friends’, out of pocket. What do you do?

A: Decline the offer.

B: Accept the offer.

How do you react when you’re grieving?

A: I do my best to suppress my emotions and get myself and my family out of this crisis. I can go through my emotions later.

B: Go through my emotions as soon as I can. The sooner I do that, the sooner I can move on and help others move on as well.

Would you describe yourself as more liberal or conservative? (If you’re a centrist, just pick the closest one you lean to.)

A: Conservative

B: Liberal

Do you believe in soulmates?

A: No- there are over 4 billion adults on this planet. Statistically, there’s no way I can possibly meet them all, let alone whittle it down to the one person out of everyone who’s most ideal for me.

B: Yes, of course! Why else would someone choose to spend the rest of their lives with someone else?

It’s a Saturday night, you’re exhausted, and all you want to do is watch a movie. Which genre do you pick?

A: Something thought-provoking and based off of real events and concepts, such as a documentary or movies based on a true story.

B: Something unrealistic, but always sends you over the moon, such as a comedy or a romance.

Finally, what would you say personally rules over you the most?

A: My head

B: My heart

Again, if you chose A more often, you’re more thinking, and if you chose B more often, you’re more feeling. But add the number of times you circle A and B. For example, if the ENFJ example chose A 5 times and B 5 times, then their thinking/feeling composition would be 50/50. (Note: If you choose 5 and 5, you’re in the right for assuming that you’re an even split between the both of them… in fact, this is the second most common even split in all of these tests, and, surprisingly, these won’t fundamentally affect your personality in any drastic way. You simply prefer to have a completely even balance of being ruled by logic and being ruled by your emotions. In addition, pure thinkers and pure feelers are incredibly rare and are more caricatures than anything, which means that if you circled 10 on either side, you’re probably closer to being 95-99% of one or the other instead of 100%. Bottom line, just like before- everyone is ruled to some capacity by logic, and to some capacity by their emotions.)

Finally, the Judging/Perceiving Composition Test.

You’ve just woken up in the morning, and you’re deciding what to do for the day. What are you most likely to do?

A: Make a to-do list

B: Just stay in tune with yourself and do whatever you’d like to do

You’ve just planned a trip to the East Coast, but a hurricane suddenly hits, as it often does, and all your plans for what you’re going to do for these next three days are ruined. How do you react to this?

A: With anger, constantly checking in to see if the hurricane will end, and making plans B, C, and D

B: In stride- hey, there was always a chance this could happen, and besides, this is a chance to stay in and play board games!

How do you approach work?

A: As work. Play can be saved for later.

B: As play- sometimes, I make it a game to see how quickly I can do tasks, see how many coffee breaks I can take without others noticing, or see what potential pranks i can lay on people.

In terms of priorities, how do you approach work?

A: Work is always first-priority. That way, what I want to do can be saved for later without further interruptions.

B: Work is always as far back in the priority list as possible- I don’t want to be a killjoy.

A new goal appears in front of you. How blind are you to things such as your immediate surroundings, new information, and the names and details of new people that come across you during this time?

A: Very

B: Not very much so; I can keep everything scoped in front of me

How do others tend to perceive you?

A: No-nonsense, structured, and rigid

B: Flexible, relaxed, and open for anything

Which of the following is closest to your work style?

A: In long-term efforts, with short breaks in between

B: In short bursts, with long breaks in between

An approaching deadline looms for one of your school assignments. What is your reaction?

A: Calm...I’ve done this assignment two weeks ago, and can now work ahead to work due later this month.

B: Panic...I’ve only gotten this halfway done, and I only have a few hours to do the rest!

Do you tend to make decisions the moment they’re needed?

A: Yes

B: No- often, I’m so busy sorting through the given information that I miss it when it happens

Finally, do you see yourself as someone who quickly makes judgements on certain issues, or someone who takes care to view every side of the argument before voicing an opinion?

A: The former

B: The latter

Again, if you chose A more often, you’re more judging, and if you chose B more often, you’re more perceiving. But add the number of times you circle A and B. For example, if the ENFJ example chose A 7 times and B 3 times, then their judging/perceiving composition would be 70/30. (Note: If you choose 5 and 5, you’re in the right for assuming that you’re an even split between the both of them… in fact, this is the third most common even split in all of these tests. However, this will end up changing your personality drastically, and may change most of your functioning style to the point where people sometimes see you as unpredictable or chaotic. In addition, pure judgers and pure perceivers are actually somewhat common. However, you should also take into consideration if that happens that if you circled 10 on either side, you’re still probably closer to being 95-99% of one or the other instead of 100%. Bottom line, just like before- everyone judges, and everyone perceives.)

#mbti #personality test #i'm an estj #let me know what you guys got!

6 notes · View notes