#making something that was supposed to be ‘fun’ and a fucking joke into this unbearable mess

[zourried]

.

#get a life #get a fucking hobby #get your own fucking friends #you are just pathetic af and seeking for attention #istg #making something that was supposed to be ‘fun’ and a fucking joke into this unbearable mess #what the fuck are you doing with your miserable life??? istg #leave ME and MY friends alone jesus #go ‘heal’ from whatever I fucking did to you by only REPLYING TO some good messages #istg people are ridiculous #WHAT THE FUCK #now being fucking nice is a fucking crime #jfc GET A JOB. GET A HOBBY. GET FUCKING FUCKED AND MOVE ON. #stop projecting your sick fantasies onto me #this shit? tumblr? and meeting people you share interests with should BE FUN #not a pain the fucking ass #I SWEAR TO GOD WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!!!!!!! #please god #never EVER answer a fucking message that doest come from a mutual #istfg #dont even ask why #just take my fucking advice #people are just delusional

[jayflrt]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝟕𝟖𝟔 20. and there was one bed

content warnings: drinking, jay fucks himself LOL and he lowkey has a sir kink

JAY FELT YOUR SHALLOW BREATHING AGAINST HIS NECK BEFORE HE EVEN NOTICED THE ACHE SETTLE IN HIS BONES.

He hardly recollected anything from last night, but he wasn't quite sure how he ended up with his limbs entangled with yours. Not only were you impossibly close and left hardly any room for Jay to think rationally, but your thigh was dangerously close to where his hard-on was tight against his jeans.

He swallowed thickly. Your face was tucked into the crook of his neck, his arms were wrapped tightly around you, and if he moved even a little, your soft lips were against his skin. One of his hands was holding the small of your back, pressing your body against his, and oh, this was dangerous territory.

This was all his fault, of course. Jay was confident this wouldn't have happened if he had been in full control of his actions; he shouldn't have let himself drink so much. It was just that he was having too much fun, getting ahead of himself, and now he had royally fucked up.

You were his assignment.

You were the one he was supposed to investigate.

Carefully, he pried your limbs off of him, making sure your breath steadied and that you were still asleep before he slipped off. He made a beeline for the bathroom, immediately gripping the sides of the sink and letting his head hang.

Finally, he could breathe normally.

When he looked in the mirror again, his cheeks were burning with shame. An ugly part of him just wanted to get rid of the agonizing stiffness, and he was quickly caving to that desire.

Thank you, Sir.

You said it plenty of times these past few days—as a joke, obviously—but Jay couldn't help but feel so bothered over it. It was stuck in his head all the time, the words ghosting across his skin like a feather and making his nerve endings feel as if they were on fire.

He screwed his eyes shut. You can't, he thought (and his inner voice sounded rather desperate). She's your assignment. She's the person you've been targeting for months. You can't do this.

But this one time would just have to do because Jay wasn't sure how he'd be able to walk out and face you if he didn't relieve himself now.

"I always forget you're so easy to talk to," you said during the hike yesterday, hands on your hips as you tried to catch your breath in the middle of the trail.

He unbuttoned his jeans in a fumbling motion, pushing them down his thighs so that the head of his cock was showing past the waistband of his boxers. Jay's breath hitched as he reached down and grabbed ahold of his shaft.

"There's so many people around me that feel like... they only care about me because of my family—I don't know." He remembered the uncertainty in your voice back then, and the way you nearly smiled before catching yourself.

There was a hot rush under his skin. Jay felt his knees nearly buckle as soon as he gave his shaft a few experimental strokes.

"I feel like you just see me for me."

Biting down hard on his lower lip, Jay jerked himself off with your face in mind, and it made him feel sick. He didn't want you to go home. He didn't want you to leave. In the seconds he was chasing pleasure, he could admit to himself that he just wanted to go back to his bed and wrap his arms around you again.

"Oh, my shoe's untied," you said, absentmindedly. Jay knelt down before you back then, and as he recalled the memory, his eyes went foggy with lust and he pumped his cock even faster. His breathing got harder. His senses clouded. The building pressure was almost unbearable. "Thank you, Sir."

He came into a tissue that he managed to grab just before he fell apart. Even then, his cum had gotten all over his hands, and he could only stare at it blankly afterward. He was sick. He was filthy. How could he even do something this dirty to the thought of you? Then, he cleaned up the mess and rinsed his hands under hot water, his staggering intakes of breath keeping him from collapsing backward.

Never again. Jay knew in his heart that he could never be with you, and he was a fool for even giving in to his carnal desires like this.

The gentle knock at his bathroom door nearly made his skin crawl. "Jay?" you called out, sleep dragging out your words. "Are you in there?"

"Yeah, I'll be out in a minute," he got out quickly.

I feel like you just see me for me.

Maybe in some alternate reality out there, you and Jay had the world at your disposal—free to be together however you'd like. In this reality, however, he couldn't see any possible way to pursue you that didn't end in heartbreak. It was easier this way; to break his heart on his own before he even let you hold it.

i hit the image limit and can't add a proper divider

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SUMMARY ▸ private investigator jay park just wants to complete his mission quietly and move on with his life. you, his new assignment who keeps consuming his thoughts, don't make that very easy for him.

TAG LIST ▸ @zdgx1 @smouches @heesdazed @teawithbucky @leep0ems @peachpie4you @niniissus @kgneptun @jaeyunluvr @hooniesuniverse @zerasari @enhalov @sophiko22 @iselltulips @hoondiors @baekhyunstruly @jays-property @woninluv @heerinnie @fakeuwus @yizhoutv @en-happiness @theothernads @y4wnjunz @dammit-jjk @en-happiness @mari-oclock @enhypens-baby @soonyoungblr @jakeslvt @taetaenic @jebetwo @fairysungx @hsgwrld @shmooooo @ineedsomezzz @mrowwww @enha-stars @isawritesss @seongclb @lockburn-castle @alyssajavenss @enczen @calumsfringe @w3bqrl @luvyev @uhsakusa @luvnicho @wildflowermooon @navsnct

#enhypen #enhypen smut #enhypen imagines #enhypen smau #jay smut #jay smau #jay imagines #jay x reader #enhypen social media au #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #jay scenarios #jongseong smut #jay park #enhypen fanfic #jay fanfic #enhypen hard hours #jay hard hours #enhypen drabbles #jay drabbles #enhypen reactions #jay reactions

[chronicowboy]

Buck loves kids. He's always loved kids. Well, apart from ages eleven through fourteen, but in his defence, middle school kids are quite literally evil. Like spawn of satan evil.

Apart from Christopher. He's an angel.

But the point is, Buck's always loved kids. Its why he always volunteers to free little girls from claw machines or bundle little boys up in his turnouts.

He loves kids. He loves talking space with Denny, and pretending to know video games with Harry, and having very serious conversations with Jee.

He loves kids. Never thought he could have them when he was younger, assumed he'd be fun uncle Buck forever. He loves kids. Wants them more than anything, maybe more than a partner. He loves kids. That's why he—

Fuck.

"Hey," Eddie leans against his locker, back in his street clothes, unbearably soft in the morning light. "Chris is getting all antsy about his dance on Friday, could use a hand helping him calm down long enough to try his suit on?"

He raises a hopeful eyebrow, but all Buck can see is the memory playing in Eddie's eyes. The memory of Buck, teary-eyed and half-drunk, a week after his parents left the state, telling Eddie he'd never been to a school dance because he was always grounded. That he'd only ever made it to prom because he'd asked the daughter of one of his dad's colleagues and he wouldn't let Buck stand her up.

"Sorry, man." He smiles, he wonders how long both of them can keep pretending its not a grimace. "Looking after Jee whilst Maddie and Chim go house hunting."

"Oh." Eddie blinks, the corners of his mouth twitching up. "You could always bring her along. She might be a good distraction for Chris, and you know—"

"No." Buck clears his throat, looks very hard into his locker for the hoodie he knows he already packed into his duffel. "I mean, I just hardly get any time with her, you know? So, I just kind of want to..."

"Oh, yeah, sure. 'Course, man." Eddie doesn't bother with a grimacing smile, just lets the furrow crease his brows. "Gotta keep up the title of best uncle, right?"

"Please." Buck scoffs. "Can she say Albert's name?"

"Right." Eddie nods with pursed lips. "Definitely doesn't have anything to do with easier phonetics and half the amount of syllables."

"Wow. I thought you were supposed to be on my side."

And, see, he means it as a joke. The whole conversation is a joke, really. Like Buck desperately doesn't want his niece and his— His Christopher to coexist in the same space, in the warm embrace of the Diaz house, home. But he can't, he just can't.

Still, its a joke. Only Eddie must be done with his jokes because he steps in closer, lays a gentle hand on his bicep and ducks his head until Buck has to meet his eyes. Like the tsunami.

Like the start of it all.

"I'm always on your side, Buck." He murmurs, more of a breath than anything. A confession that makes Buck a little dizzy. And then, Eddie's patting his arm and sweeping out of the locker room just as Hen and Chim come in.

"We'll drop Jee off at eleven, Buckaroo?" Chim says.

"Yeah. Sounds good."

Two days after Jee-Yun gives him the best workout of his life, he shoots a text to Hen asking if she wants to take Denny to the Renaissance Fair which had finally reopened after dealing with the bee problem.

He doesn't mean to do it is the thing. Sure, in his probie year, after Hen had finally trusted him enough to let him meet Denny, they'd hung out all the time. He'd practically fast-tracked his way to uncle Buck. But then, Eddie Diaz had waltzed into his life and said I'm all he's got and the rest—

Well, the rest is history.

But the thing is, Buck's DNA is floating somewhere in the American healthcare system in a little plastic cup with a green lid and he's trying very hard not to think about all the ways that could break him into a million pieces.

Because there's something hollow and empty inside of him that's slowly been shattering ever since Connor said that he didn't have enough swimmers. And it crumbles a little more every time he thinks of Christopher.

He thinks of that night in his loft with a frustrated rant, and two indulgent Diaz boys, a missing couch, and a lasagne that took three tries to get it right. A night that had become routine for them. And now he hasn't seen Christopher in almost two months, hasn't seen Christopher since—

Since Lev.

Two months he's spent trying desperately not to think of the way he'd seen Christopher safe in Eddie's arms and collapsed into a heap because his job was done and that was enough. Two months he's spent trying not to think about the flash of happiness that came with the end of a tsunami. Two months he's spent trying not to think about how he's buried that realization for almost three years.

He just. Christopher is growing up, he's lying to his dad, and sneaking out to see his friends, and going to dances, and having crushes. And Buck is trying so hard to remember. To listen to the cyclical chant of guardian, not dad echoing around his skull every time Eddie turns to him expectantly upon a mention of his son.

Because he has an answer to Hen's question. Finally.

But, fuck, he doesn't even really care about his sperm anymore. He doesn't give a fuck about the abstract concept of a child biologically half his out there in the world, out of sight and out of reach. He just doesn't care. Because nothing will ever hurt as much as having everything he's ever wanted at his fingertips and still not being able to grab it for fear of it vanishing into thin air.

He doesn't care about not getting to raise his child because there's a child he actually cares about, a child he's been raising. A child that's not his, but could be—

Fuck.

So, he's at a renaissance fair with his friend and her son, picking out a sword so that his niece knows that she doesn't have to be a damsel in distress, but he's trying so damn hard not to think about a little kid—who's not really all that little anymore—sat in a barber's chair because he wanted to look good for his crush.

It feels a lot like pressing his thumb into the space between bruised ribs.

#sami rambles #i have no idea what this is apart from a few hundred words of buck punishing himself #enjoy !! #911 spoilers #911 show #911 fox #911 fic #911 fanfic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family fic #buck and christopher #hen wilson #chimney han #jee yun buckley han #denny wilson #buddie #buck x eddie #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #buddie fanfiction #buck x eddie fic #buck x eddie fanfic #long post

[wondero28]

Hey wonder, I hope you’re doing well :> Idk if you still continue the 4town Fboy series but my friends and I are still wild over it. It’s truly An amazing series!!

I was wondering what’s something the person the boys are interested in could do to make them fold or show genuine interest in them?

I’ve risen from the dead I suppose!

Im still around. Still invested in 4town. Still think about them daily lol

But truthfully i’ve moved on from the fboy 4town thing, it was originally just a bad joke that i kept writing for cause it kept getting traction & i liked the attention. i was having fun with it at the time, but now its just kinda goofy & feels a little awkward. I made them too sympathetic originally lol, but this is the first writing request ive had in such a long time. I really don’t mind doing it.

Just know this is the last time ill probably ever write for fboy town, it’ll be kept short too^^ Maybe ill go back & revisit those designs i made for them & repurpose it, maybe not!

Oh also, the genuine answer for this is that most of them WOULDNT get genuinely invested. Because they’re all emotionally fucked over guys who need therapy lol. But these headcanons humor the idea that they’d genuinely change

+

You’re free to write your own fboy shenanigans based off what I originally did too. I dont mind. You don’t need to credit either, i think id just like to leave these guys behind after this /lh

Either way, its nice to see someone here again 💜

——

What the fboys are attracted to + what might make them fall

—

Robaire

- genuinely? he’s attracted to independence

- Like its a little silly & a little cliche but Robaire is kind of only genuinely invested in people who give 0 shits about him. He’s not used to someone not caring about his status, money, or power. But when a person is independent & confident in themself, when they mind their own business and simply dont fucking perceive him as some sort of idol- he thinks its hot

- It drives him crazy though. He likes the worship and praise. Even if his friends are faux and he knows it, he likes feeling wanted and desired. And when someone doesn’t inherently just want him, he wants them even more

- So even if you DO want him, the best way to genuinely win him over is to treat him like a normal person. He doesn’t realize he wants to be treated like a peer or be seen as just a person & not an asset- but he does. He’ll be unbearable & act cocky while he interacts with you, but the more you treat him like just a normal person? The more of a person he actually starts to become 💀

- Any specific actions that would affect him are probably just like… engaging with him on your own terms or showing interest in what he ACTUALLY likes to do.

- A lot of people dont actually know what Robaires interests are so he’s really unengaged socially in that regard. He’s a closet geek though, get him talking about his interests or show investment in his interests like a genuine friend & youll start to win him over in a genuine way

————

Jesse

- Jesse doesn’t show much tenderness, but he’s very attracted to it

- He’s got a habit of breaking hearts & having multiple people wrapped around his finger at once. Because Jesse’s kind of genuinely incapable of being tender in a way thats meaningful with someone (aside from his kids & the guys), he’s really lacking in any true emotional intimacy

- He’s very VERY alone in that sense.

- His heart’s been broken in a very honest and true way so he’s kind of given up on finding that intimacy too. Its sad & sucks lol. But because of that struggle he has a much more genuine attraction to tenderness

- To win him over with tenderness, showing politeness or interest without expecting romance or sex wins him over, denying either from him makes him go wild. Jesse’s generally wanted because he’s attractive & suave, but if someone sees him as a person outside of that then he’s really into it. Honest to the gods he just wants a friend. He’ll never admit that though

- But for another genuine romance? He needs you to be a friend. A tender & patient one.

- Specific actions to win him over are small and easy, show interest in his day. Show interest in what his classes have been like or offer him a space to speak. He’ll try so hard to flip it around into a flirting game but eventually he’ll break & just start to like,, interact with you in more meaningful ways

————

Tae Young

- Tae Young both likes & needs someone with a dominant personality & passion for themself/their interests

- Short and simply put: Tae Young gets bored of people easy 💀. He needs someone who 1. Can keep him on his toes and 2. Challenge his personal sense of authority. A dominant & passionate person is PERFECT for that. Having someone who can spontaneously do something on their own & then proudly show it off is just what Tae needs in his life

- He thinks spontaneity is attractive and he loves a dominant personality to try and stand up against. A friendly sense of competition with someone, someone he can perceive as a peer or “on his level” is someone he’s wildly attracted to. And trust me, he WILL try to challenge your dominance and authority if you’re that kind of person. So dont step down, snap back at him! He loves it, it keeps him excited

- The harsh truth is that Tae simply isn’t genuinely engaged with most interactions he has because he has such a hard time connecting with people in a meaningful way. He likes being popular cause it keeps things constantly moving in his life & gives him opportunities to find brief engagement

- So just,, he needs someone who can do that. He’ll become genuinely attached to them, and then eventually find everything they do interesting

- Specific actions can be simply engaging with Tae & telling HIM about YOUR activities. If you get excited and energetic enough about it, he’ll match that energy & find interest in it. He’ll likely tell you about his own misadventures and if you can engage with him on that then you’ll have him hooked on you

————

Aaron T

- Aaron T needs someone to calm him the fuck down. He doesnt want it per say, but he NEEDS it

- Aaron T is, for lack of better words, a bit too much. He’s got all the friends, all the ego, and all the charisma to combine and make the dumbest but most charming motherfucker you’ll ever meet. He’s not stupid, just dumb. And he does dumb shit for the sake of fun & enjoyment. He needs someone who can keep up with him & either catch him when he falls or stop him from doing the dumb thing to begin with

- Being that kind of person isn’t easy, keeping up with T & being close enough to him to read him is hard. But when you’re close enough to do that? Well gosh, you probably already have him hooked

- T wont ever admit it, but he so so badly wants someone to care about him enough to tell him no. Its weird, because he hates it and Will usually just do what he wants, but theres a certain comfort he finds in knowing someone wants him safe and sound

- And the longer someone can keep up with him the more T will start to wind down & relax. He’s still dumb & stubborn as all hell, but he’ll listen to whoever cares enough to try and watch out for him where most others dont.

- Specific actions that may really win him over are being there to patch him up after a stupid stunt or literally blocking his way to keep him from going somewhere. He’ll be pissy in the moment, but hours later he’ll be so much more tender in private if given the opportunity

————

Aaron Z

- honest to god this man is easy & the least problematic. But Z both wants & needs someone who’s patient & understanding

- He’s simply not someone who believes in settling down anymore + he’s in a part of his life where a lot is changing and evolving. He wants someone to rely on, but he NEEDS room to grow and have spontaneity. He cant do commitment right now and when things start to feel too tense he flees from the relationship (romantic or not, he’s even flighty with his friends sometimes)

- So Z really flourishes with someone who can be there for him without “tying him down”. He wants freedom and he’s very attracted to people who offer the attention he wants from relationships while also being patient enough to let him explore. He needs someone who wont nag him about expressing his genuine feelings because honestly they aren’t always pretty but he’s not going to move forward without getting to express them.

- So to really win him over, someone needs to be able to listen to him even when he’s not verbally speaking. He needs his freedom but he needs a stable person to return to at the end of the day (starting as friends or not, its not easy to fill this role)

- Specific actions to win him over arent easy. But quality time based on things HE may want to do (but be too shy to always directly request) is good. Or just offering him quality time to unwind & relax with may help

- He starts to open up more and more as time goes on. He’ll become more emotionally available the safer he feels with someone who offers him room to grow without judgement

#fboy town strikes again #anyway ig i do writing requests again #wooh! so much fun

[captain-mj]

I love the Alex/Gaz stuff, anyway could get a short and angsty hurt/comfort where someone has Gaz to get to the 141 (this is when no one know where tf Alex even is but him and Gaz r already together) and like somehow he hears about it and just goes full protective/vengeful boyfriend to get Gaz back?

Maybe some hurt Gaz at the end and guilty Alex? Ofc happy ending plz ?

Smut or no smut whatevr is fine with me your writing is so good :)) <3

Love hurt/comfort! I never have an excuse to write it so thank you so much for the ask!

Also, this is a loose version Alex’s perspective to this post by my wife. 

~~~~

Alex heard about it from the strangest of places. He was sitting in on someone being tortured, waiting to see if they gave them any information on his mission.

The person turned towards him and sneered. "Surprised you're not asking about him."

"Who?" Alex tilted his head. "Makarov?"

"Oh, you don't know?"

"Know what?" Alex knew the man was baiting him, but maybe he'd slip something more important in.

"Your little boyfriend. The posh british one. I know his team is looking for him. Surprised you aren't." He sounded so unbearably smug.

Alex heard a harsh ringing sound before he stood up. "I need to make a call."

He contacted Laswell with his radio. The mission required radio silence, so she was surprised to hear from him.

"Everything okay?"

"Where is Gaz."

"I'm assuming with Price. Why?"

"I have someone in the other room claiming he's missing. Call Price now." Alex sat next to his radio and waited. And waited. Before her voice came back on.

"I'm so sorry Alex. They’ve been looking for him but I wasn't told an-"

"Kate. You understand. Send someone else to finish this up."

"Good luck, Alex."

"Yes, ma'am."

Two hours. All it took. He beat the guy to a pulp before he finally admitted a location.

He doubted he could really account the next few hours of his life. The plane ride was too long. Talking with Price was too irritating. He wanted to yell at them. Then there was the utterly silent drive because Alex was holding his gun just a little too tightly for anyone to want to joke. Even fighting his way into the building was overshadowed by the sheer anxiety. Revenge was fun and all, but he wanted Gaz first. 

He hadn’t called. Yes, he was on a mission and wasn’t supposed to but that hadn’t stopped them before. He should’ve called Gaz. He would’ve found out sooner. Could’ve helped. 

Then, he found his sweetheart hanging by his hands from the ceiling. He had an iv in and his body swayed just slightly. 

Alex went to check his pulse, but he jerked slightly. “He’s breathing. Thank God.” He heard them having a conversation around him, but he ignored it, getting Gaz down. He cradled him.

“I’ve got you.” Gaz looked so tiny. He barely felt like anything in his arms. 

“I’ve got you.” Rage bubbling in his chest as he looked at them.  "Why didn't you fucking call me earlier?!" He held Gaz, wanting to protect him from everything. 

"God, he's so fucking light. Get out of my way. You fucking idiots. You should’ve gotten us!" Gotten me. He could’ve helped. 

"We thought we could find him." Soap started, unable to look at Gaz.

"Clearly fucking not!"

"Stop fucking yelling at us! This isn't helping the situation!" Price snapped. Alex wanted to keep screaming. Wanted to yell and fight and go back and beat the corpses of all the people they had shot to get into the place. 

"Gaz, I've got you. Please hold on." Alex held him close, carrying him. He held him tight, worried he’d bruise him. Once he sat down, he buried his face in Gaz’s neck and held him, not wanting to look at anyone else. All he could feel was Gaz, pressing into him. He smelled like concrete and iron and Alex hated it. 

Logically, he knew he had to let go of him so the medics could help. It didn’t make it easier. Ghost had to pry his hands off of Gaz and hold his wrists.

“He’s a tough kid. He’s going to be fine.”

“No thanks to you.” Alex spat at him.

Ghost stared at him and just shook his head. He kept the hold on him though, not wanting him to interrupt the medics. 

“Why him?”

“I don’t know. I guess he’d hurt us the most.” Ghost answered honestly. 

Alex wouldn’t cry. Refused. Gaz needed him to be tough for both of them. 

The medics gave him the okay and Ghost let go of him. He grabbed Gaz’s hand and set his head on the hospital bed. 

He heard the click of the door, indicating Ghost had left, but he didn’t look up. 

“Gaz. Come on, sweetheart. Wake up for me.”

“Come on...” He mumbled. They were pumping him full of fluids. Trying to fight off the dehydration he thought one of them said. 

Alex kissed his hand gently. They looked normal. Like his hands always did. He waited. He didn’t know how long. 

Vaguely, judging by the passage of time, he was pretty sure he fell asleep a few times, though he couldn’t remember doing so. 

Gaz made a weak sound and Alex straightened. “Gaz??”

He whimpered, trying to pull away.

“hey, hey, sweetheart, its me. Just me. Alex.” He gently cupped his face, trying to get him to look at him.

“Hurts.”

“I know. I know. They didn’t want to give you anything in case you’d been drugged.”

Gaz nodded, grimacing and looking up at him. “You came.”

“Of course I did.”

“I didn’t think anyone was looking.” Alex felt like he had been stabbed.

No, this was worse than that. Maybe eviscerated. 

“Gaz. I started looking as soon as I found out. I would’ve scoured the entire earth to find you.” Alex kissed each of his knuckles, looking at him adoringly. “Everyone else was looking too. I just... happened to get lucky.” He decided to stick with that. He could tell Gaz later about them not contacting him. Right now, Gaz needed reassurance more than anything else. 

Gaz looked at him, something scarily blank missing from those eyes. “Promise?”

“I promise.” Alex answered desperately. He wanted Gaz to believe him more than anything. Besides maybe him being okay. Not being in this stupid hospital bed.

He should’ve called. Should’ve messaged Price to ask how Gaz was doing. Should’ve never taken a mission that required him to go radio silent at all. 

He kissed him gently, holding him.

“I love you. I love you so much, Kyle Garrick. I promise I’m never letting you out of my sight again.” Alex did cry this time. Stupid. Gaz didn’t need to be dealing with him right now.

Gaz kissed him lightly. “Just stay for now.” 

“Anything for you.”

#Kyle Gaz Garrick #Gaz Cod #Alex Keller #Alex COD #Gaz x Alex #Alex x Gaz #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare II

[spiders-rob]

NSFW Headcanons for Renfield 2023 Characters

Robert Montague Renfield

I saw someone else headcanon that he has a mostly Phantom of the Opera sex playlist and God, that's so true. You're absolutely right.

more submissive type stuff:

Likes:

His hair played with

Light choking

Hand feeding

(Off) Limits:

Being told in detail what his partner is about to do to him

Pain (receiving)

Blood (weird memories yo)

Drugs

Insults

more dominant type stuff:

Usually being in restraints but it depends. Occasionally he's into it.

Biting

Picking his partner up/holding them in place

Calling his partner bug or bugbug (yeah don't think about that one too much, dude)

Rebecca Quincy

Honestly he's not particular he just enjoys being in control

Cowgirl (lol. Because of the book. Do you get it? Do you get it??)

Competence kink!!!!

Wrestling and grappling with one another

Compliments: Giving compliments and Getting compliments

Will make lots of awkward jokes to relieve the tension/anxiety

Once accidentally killed the mood by making herself laugh so hard (at a funny voice impression she did) that her wine came up through her nose.

Tedward "Teddy" Lobo

Will do a line or three (or a centipede) off of like, any body part.

Look, let's be honest we all know he has a barely-repressed Mommy kink that will surface the second he loses composure, ok?

Claims to be a dom. Is absolutely not that. 100% submissive brat.

Will attempt dirty talk but will frequently stumble over his words (when he doesn't plan them out extensively ahead of time) and then backtrack trying to correct himself.

Likes to record it so he can "prove he fucks" (??? Babe, what)

"Teasingly/knowingly" asks "do you like that?" But is absolutely not actually bragging and is genuinely unironically seeking reassurance

Carol

The type of guy who thinks the stripper/prostitute/cam worker actually likes him lmao.

He'd do pretty much anything to be called a "good boy" but he has to get over himself or just be unbearably horny to admit that instead of claiming to hate it/viewing it as an "accusation"

He has had so much unfulfilling/uncomfortable sex because he tells himself that the mild panic he feels when taking control is "exhilaration". (Exhilaration is supposed to be fun, dude)

Body painting on her partner

Tantric sex

Likes to make jokes/laugh to deflect from the vulnerability

Idk man she's really hard to get a read on honestly.

Bellafrancesca Lobo

Her partners have a habit of turning up in little pieces throughout the city dumpsters once she's done with them so like...approach with caution

Attracted to power

Mark :)

Like she's dominant but she's only attracted to other doms and then they compete to see who can keep up with eachother

Pretty vanilla tbh

Has a surprising amount of hangups

Likes sexy dancing as foreplay

Gentle

Caitlyn Bergman

Running hands over each other's faces

Generally considerate

Wants a fairytale romance (or maybe a bodice-ripper fantasy)

Attracted to witty remarks/sarcasm

Honestly still figuring out what she likes after Mitch.

Likes dressing up in sexy lingerie

Kate Quincy

Ace so nope

"Wait, people actually experience sexual attraction? That wasn't a joke?"

Bob

Surprisingly gentle and tender

Like for such a tense/angry guy he basically just wants very gentle sweet intimacy

Says a lot of reassurances

Checks in a lot to make sure his partner is ok

He's very masculine and "tough" and people tend to expect him to be the one doing all the pursuing/masculine role stuff, so little sweet romantic gestures like getting him flowers or complimenting him etc go a LONG way. Just genuinely calling him pretty without irony or sarcasm makes him blush like crazy and his heart races.

Kevin

Really likes it when his partner wears perfume. Especially something floral.

Long makeout sessions

Trevanté

Takes a long time for him to trust someone enough for anything

A bit of a showoff

Will put his hand over his partner's and guide them

Very direct communication. Will say plainly what he wants/likes and ask questions upfront.

#NSFW. #headcanons #renfield #renfield 2023 #robert montague renfield #Carol (Renfield) #rebecca quincy #Mark (Renfield) #bellafrancesca lobo #tedward lobo #teddy lobo #Bob (Renfield) #Trevante (Renfield) #Kevin (Renfield) #Kate Quincy

[fandomsoda]

Alright SU progress report 1 (spoilers ahead)

Got through episodes 1-29

Overall experience?: I’m having fun, it’s alright, I like it. It’s keeping my attention enough for me to be able to solidly binge it.

Favorite character so far?: Uuuuuhhhh Idk probably Amethyst.

Ships?: No strong opinions yet

Thoughts on lore/overall show atmosphere?: The show’s gorgeous (at least the environments are) and the lore seems neat even though you’re very… thrown right into it. I don’t think it does a good job establishing the world, episode 1 just kinda happens and you get no context, no explanation, no one’s gonna tell you anything unless you’re watching with someone, and I do not think that is good writing. Pacing seems a bit too fast, I know the show has a shorter individual episode run time but it felt like things really weren’t built up enough. Things often just kinda happen and very few scenes are given the proper weight I think they deserve.

Individual character opinions:

Steven?: He is… something. He becomes way less unbearable, but early on he’s very difficult to watch. I never really hated him as I know he’s a young, inexperienced character and he’s supposed to be a tad annoying, but god the second-hand embarrassment! I also feel like he is dumbed-down way too fucking hard. Like it often feels like the writers have a vendetta against him with how shockingly oblivious and idiotic they make him at times, it is so frustrating. He’s way more likable later on, in exchange for feeling unnoteworthy. He’s the titular character, the generic starry-eyed protagonist, and I don’t really care that much. He bounces off of everyone well, but doesn’t have a lot going for himself individually.

Pearl?: I like Pearl, she’s fun, responsible, and resourceful. A mom friend if I’ve ever seen one and often pretty endearing, if overbearing at times. It’s a very basic archetype but it works.

Amethyst?: I like her a lot. Her attitude is fun, she is VERY pretty, and she’s often funny and interesting. However often she can come across as an asshole and her antics can wind up not fun so- yeah.

Garnet?: Garnet definitely has her moments but I do not like how robotic she acts. She feels like she should talk more and express more, and her only super expressive moment being her lashing out and being cruel to someone/thing who could not hurt her does not sweeten the deal.

Greg?: Massive shrug, has his moments but can also suck.

Lars?: Fun to watch, easy to emphasize with, kind of an asshole though.

Sadie?: (just gonna sum this up in the advice I’d like to give her) Girl I understand your pain and you deserve better so LEAVE HIS ASS.

Connie?: She’s neat. Her getting her eyesight cured did leave a bad taste in my mouth, though. Not her fault, however.

Lapis?: I like her a lot and I wish she stuck around for longer. I feel like enough time wasn’t spent on her story, and the scene of her gem getting healed went by too quickly and happened too suddenly.

Additional tidbits, giggles, and jokes:

wound up calling who Lapis was going to be given me already associating that gemstone with water

After observing how even the normal human world feels like it’s on something in this show and everyone seems like they’ve got something wild going on, I coined the term/saying “on some Beach City shit”, something to refer to when something/someone has the certain brand of weirdness Beach City does.

that’s all for now, having fun but not blindly loving the show, please don’t kill me.

people who wanted to be tagged directly: @dinosaurzzz @everydaygremlin

#text post #soda’s su saga

[callsign-bunnie]

hi idk if i read this correctly but can you do mateo dressing/acting like alejandro for the first time so he could get Rudy to notice him (obvs) , ty ♥ !

Yep! Here you go!

--

Rodolfo was trying very hard to focus on his homework. He was. 

But, his mind was distracted by… Alejandro. It was always Alejandro. He wasn’t dumb, he knew why. His mind had chosen the absolute worst fucking person and decided to get a crush on them. Why Alejandro?? Why his best friend??

Rodolfo tried to shake it off and turn back to his notebook, sighing and putting his chin in his palm. Well, he could list off the reasons. Alejandro was sweet… and funny and confident and… Well, maybe him being an alpha while Rodolfo was an omega had something to do with it. 

He believed in equality, don’t get him wrong, and he understood that he and other omegas could still count as oppressed but… he’d always been a bit more traditional. Maybe it was his family, maybe it was just him, but he was. Alejandro was, too, but not in an asshole way. He just believed in holding the door open and paying for dates and stuff like that. Rodolfo liked that. 

Your homework, Rodolfo! Fuck! This was completely unbearable! He groaned and laid his head on the table, closing his eyes. Give him five more minutes and he’d be twirling his hair and giggling in the middle of a library. Ughhhhh. He was 16, he needed to get it together.

So, he lifted his head and completely pushed Alejandro and the black leather jacket he’d gotten for Christmas and the loose jeans he usually wore, and- He was hopeless. Completely and totally hopeless. 

Homework. Now.

Finally, Rodolfo managed to point his head in the direction of his homework and he blissfully managed to get Alejandro out of his head, focusing on the absolutely boring subject that was creative writing. Look, he got no enjoyment out of it. To each their own; Rodolfo wasn’t a writer.

Maybe that was partially the reason Alejandro was stuck in his mind like a broken record. He hated this subject, it made sense his brain was desperately trying to escape it.

Someone came up and leaned against the counter and he blushed as cinnamon and honey washed over him. Telling himself not to get too excited, he looked up, checking for blue or brown eyes. He was greeted with warm brown eyes and relaxed, smiling. “Alejandro.”

“Hey.” Alejandro smiled at him, crossing his arms as he leaned against the table. “How are you?”

Rodolfo snorted. “I’m great, thanks. When did we start trying to make small talk?”

“Eh, first time for everything.” Alejandro paused and looked away and Rodolfo frowned. “Just thought I’d ask.”

Rodolfo winced, feeling bad for immediately jabbing at him, now. “Sorry. Thanks for asking. Yeah, I’m fine. Sick of this creative writing assignment, but… eh.”

“Oh, the one about how penguins mate for life??” Alejandro perked up.

Rodolfo nodded, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah. How did you know about it? We just got it, yesterday, and you don’t have that teacher.” He and Alejandro hadn’t spoken since a few days before, either, and Rodolfo didn’t have minutes left on his phone. Liliana’s fault. He was still tempted to beat her ass for it.

“Oh.” Alejandro blushed dark. “Mateo was complaining about it. You know how he is.”

“Yeah.” Rodolfo nodded, relaxing, since he did. He liked Mateo, he thought he was fun, but… Mateo liked to complain a lot. And Mateo did have the same teacher. “Sometimes, I think he’s not happy if he’s not complaining.” He joked. “It’s like a hobby for him.”

He frowned, watching Alejandro seem to tense and clench his hands into fists. Then, he shrank back. Mateo was such a touchy subject… he never knew what would piss Alejandro off. “A-Anyway,” he quickly said, not really wanting to get into another argument. They’d been fighting more and more lately… “I’m really just not a writer. I don’t know how I’m supposed to write a love story between two penguins.”

“Everyone else is doing something basic, you should do something creative.” Alejandro slid into the seat beside him. “Maybe… a penguin falls in love with another penguin, but the other penguin likes a different penguin?”

Rodolfo thought it was creative but… “I don’t know, that seems convoluted.” He sighed and shook his head. “Kind of sad, too.”

“The main penguin could win the other over. I mean… how do you think he’d be able to do that?” Alejandro shrugged, folding his hands on the table beside Rodolfo.

Rodolfo looked at his hands and then raised an eyebrow. Mateo did that, not Alejandro. But, he shook it off. Alejandro had a tendency to pick up others’ mannerisms. “I don’t know… Maybe with gifts. I know I like gifts…” Sort of. He didn’t like big or expensive ones, but he liked when Alejandro found random things that he said made him think of Rodolfo. “Can penguins sing?”

“Yes!” Mateo nodded. “They sing to attract mates.”

Rodolfo raised his eyebrow at Alejandro’s fast answer, expecting an I Don’t Know. You know, come to think of it, Alejandro was putting a fair amount of thought into this creative writing assignment. “I like music. I think if someone sang, it might win me over.” Maybe… Alejandro was trying to take an interest in him? The idea flattered him and he found himself flushing. “You know. That’s just my preference.” He smiled, fidgeting under the table. 

Alejandro watched him, for a bit. “Mateo sings.” He finally said.

Oh. “Okay?” Rodolfo snorted, though his heart kind of sank. “I’ll keep that in mind, I guess.” Alright, maybe he’d misread the situation. “I’ll think about the penguins, I guess. Hey, since when do you care so much about my creative writing assignments?”

Alejandro shrugged and then gave Rodolfo a half smile, one that Rodolfo recognized and also adored. “Just trying to help my best friend out.” He nudged him and Rodolfo found himself blushing dark, despite the “best friend”. “If um… you need more help, you know you can ask Mateo?”

Huh. That was the second time he’d brought him up. What was with Alejandro?? Don’t get Rodolfo wrong, he was glad Alejandro was making an attempt to get along with him better. Rodolfo and Mateo were friends. But… this was odd for him. “I’ll think about it.” He smiled, anyway. “Thanks for the help, Alejandro.”

“No problem.” Alejandro nodded and then looked up. “Shit, I gotta go. Bye!” He rushed off before Rodolfo could say anything. Rodolfo just rolled his eyes, though, hating the way Alejandro tended to just leave. 

Whatever.

He turned back to his notebook, writing down Alejandro’s idea before also writing down some basic ideas for how it could go. Why fucking penguins, anyway??

Ugh, whatever. 

“Hey, what are you working on?” 

Rodolfo blinked at the smell of cinnamon and honey washing over him and looked up, greeted with… warm brown eyes. “Funny.” He joked. “Where did you have to go to?” He asked, looking around. 

“Go… to?” Alejandro raised an eyebrow and blinked. He sat by Rodolfo and touched his head. “Are you okay, Rudy?”

“I… Yeah.” Rodolfo blinked and shook his head. “Are you?? You were just here, talking to me about my creative writing assignment.” He huffed, moving away from Alejandro. “Don’t fuck with me.”

Alejandro tilted his head before almost appearing to stiffen. Rodolfo made a face, not liking how he was behaving. Then, Alejandro just shook his head. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I was… just trying to joke. I forget you don’t like those kinds of jokes. Hey, listen, I was thinking we go to the movies this weekend. Just… you and me?”

Rodolfo blushed dark. Oh, maybe he hadn’t been misreading it… “Like… Like a…” He trailed off, flustered.

“A date?” Alejandro confirmed and nodded, then he was also blushing and rubbing the back of his neck. “If you’re okay with that, that is-”

“I’d love that!” Rodolfo burst out before covering his mouth and blushing even darker. Oh shit, that was embarrassing. “I’d… I’d love that.” He tried again, glaring at Alejandro when he laughed softly. “Nevermind, I take it back.” He huffed.

“No, no, Rudy!” Alejandro quickly defended, though he was laughing more. “I’m sorry! I just- Fuck! I was so nervous you’d get weirded out and tell me to fuck off.” 

“Well, I didn’t,” Rodolfo answered. “Don’t like being laughed at, though.” He lightly shoved at Alejandro, not actually that mad. “Asshole.” He added.

“You think I’m funny.” Alejandro half grinned and then leaned over, kissing his cheek. “I’ll pick you up-”

“No.” Rodolfo shook his head, immediately, remembering the last time Alejandro had drove them somewhere. “I have my license, I will pick you up.”

Alejandro feigned offense, touching his chest. “Does my driving not suit you, Rodolfo?”

“It does not. Not at all.” Rodolfo answered, honestly. “In fact, it makes my heart beat ten times too fast.”

Alejandro laughed, again. “Alright, alright. You can drive.” He shook his head. “I’m still paying, though.”

“Good, you can spend your money.” Rodolfo teased, though inside he was so incredibly happy. Alejandro was taking him on a date! Ahhh! “Hey, while you’re here, what should I name the penguins??”

“The penguins? Oh, the creative writing assignment?” Alejandro raised an eyebrow and took Rodolfo’s notebook, looking at it.

Rodolfo raised an eyebrow. “Your memory is getting worse, Ale. I’ll have to start calling you Viejo.”

“Ah, shut it.” Alejandro snorted and threw him a look. “Umm… I have no idea.”

“Eh, maybe I’ll take your advice and ask Mateo.” Rodolfo sighed, honestly just grateful to have gotten the help he already had. “Thanks, anyway.”

“Anything for you, Rudy.” Alejandro grinned at him, though his tone was teasing so Rodolfo shoved him again. "Also, I think I have names. Daniel, Gabriel, and Isabela."

"Of course you'd find a solution so quick when I mention Mateo." Rodolfo rolled his eyes, not even shocked. That made more sense.

Alejandro just grinned.

-

Rodolfo tilted his head as Mateo stepped into their language arts class, noting the bandage on his nose. 

Huh.

Odd.

--

Do you want to be added to this taglist? Reply to this post that you wish to be added to the taglist and I will start to tag you in it every time I post it. You can also use this form!

@sinclairbrosbathmat @The_pluto_828

#mateo cod oc #alejandro vargas #alejandro cod #rodolfo cod #rodolfo parra #rodolfo x alejandro #call of duty #alejandro x rodolfo #omega rodolfo parra #alpha alejandro vargas #omegaverse #queue for dinner again hunny?

[rocknrollsalad]

🛒 some stargyle!!! for the stwg daily prompt "medicine"

🍲 Argyle tasks himself with trying to make Steve feel better, even though Steve's being a total pain in his ass.

🍘 content/trigger warnings: being sick

🛍️ word count: 1045

Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup.

Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup.

Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup.

It wasn’t that big of a list and someone should have taken the time to write it down for Argyle but he could do this. Four little items, all linked together. By a thread so common anyone could figure out what was going on.

Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup.

Steve was home sick. He didn’t want to worry anyone or whatever it was he said. Some sort of bullshit lies like he wasn’t radiating pleas to be taken care of like heat from the fever. Desperate and too sick to hide it, Argyle was the lucky nurse.

At a point Steve didn’t need to know, it wasn’t like there were a lot of people jumping for the chance. Argyle had called every number he had memorized to ask what Steve liked or if anyone knew if he turned into some sort of unbearable beast with a cold. They had little to offer but what Steve did for them when he was sick.

Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup. Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup.

So Argyle set off to the store, mentally chanting the home remedies and ready to help Steve feel better. He was going to be the best nurse ever! No matter how much Steve was gunning for the title of worst patient ever. Because Argyle liked Steve…a whole lot and that meant dealing with him even when he was whining about how bright the sun was through curtains that couldn’t be closed anymore.

Argyle remembered his mom talking about what a baby his dad turned into when sick and maybe Steve was one of those types. He was whining a lot and about things that couldn’t be controlled. It was fun at first, Argyle got to be the hero which wasn’t a role he earned often. That wore off though and it was time to help this cold along.

The whole drive to the store, Argyle repeated his list. He didn’t play music, he didn’t talk to other cars. The mission was clear and he wasn’t going to forget anything.

Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup. Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup. Chicken syrup, crackers, ginger cough.

Shit.

Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup.

In other things his mom would have an opinion on, Argyle wasn’t the one to send to the store for anything. Even with a written list, he’d come back without requested items and with too many things he wasn’t supposed to. It became a joke, a punchline to throw at others when they grabbed something other than what was on the list or took a little too long.

That added thoughts floating around his head as he walked into the store he was slowly growing familiar with. He looked around, trying to read the signs above the aisles. He needed chicken soup, crackers, cheese, barbecue sauce…

Aspirin and…

Fuck.

Argyle closed his eyes and took a breath, doing what he could to clear his mind. He should have eaten first, everything looked so good. What would Steve want for lunch? Oh! Steve was being a baby. No! He was sick. Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup.

But maybe he could swing by the frozen section and get some pizzas first. He wasn’t sick but he needed to eat too, right? Then he’d get the other things and go. It was simple and easy.

And he needed to stop by and see what magazines were in.

Cake went really well with pizza and Argyle hadn’t had a decent piece since he’d come back to Indiana. He jogged back to the front to get a cart.

Flour, eggs, cocoa powder, sugar, and milk.

Flour, eggs, cocoa powder, sugar, and milk. And ice cream. And…ginger ale?

Most of the ingredients were on the same aisle so Argyle loaded his cart up and went off to find the ice cream. He stood there staring through the glass door, not reading the flavors but keenly aware he was forgetting something.

After looking into his cart, and seeing everything he wanted for the day, he looked down to make sure he was wearing clothes. Not that he’d ever forgotten but maybe this was a dream and he was giving a speech in his boxers again. Everyone loved it so it wasn’t that big of a problem but maybe the people at the grocery store weren’t as kind and understanding as his dream-classmates.

He seemed to be in order there so he tossed in a couple of things of ice cream and went off to get that weird soda Steve liked. Ginger ale? Ginger ale and cough syrup?

Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup!

Before another thought could take root, Argyle set off to get the items he’d really come for. Chicken soup. Easy! He got the big can of the good stuff which was going to make Steve feel so good. Everyone liked chicken noodle soup.

Crackers were right nearby. Not on the shelf but hanging out by a post just begging for someone in Argyle’s situation to take advantage. He gently placed a box in the seat of his cart, not wanting to break anything.

Cheese but only because he passed it on the way to ginger ale.

From there, it was the worst item on the list; cough syrup. Argyle stared at the choices, multiple brands, multiple flavors. Grape was the worst flavor anything could come in and Argyle considered himself pretty open to things. So after a few minutes of contemplation, he got the most regular sounding stuff that wasn’t for kids and cherry flavored.

Chicken noodle soup, crackers, ginger ale, and cough syrup. All in the cart. This was going to cure anything that was wrong with Steve. More than that, it was everything he’d set out to get. Argyle pushed the car to the register like he was showing off a prize-winning horse.

Of course, the prize here was the title of best boyfriend in the world.

#not 100% sure how i feel about this #but i finished it and i'm okay about it #so i'll post it #i did TWO today #and if i were more focused i could have done the third #i really gotta start earlier in the day #hey everyone come see what i wrote now

[eisforeidolon]

I first commented this but maybe it's better as an ask. I'm a j2 fan who enjoys Mishalecki antics but cringes at most Jenmish panels. I don't think Misha is actually a bad person, more clueless and attention-seeking, and so I enjoy him with Jared where they both give as good as they get. With Jensen it's different. For many reasons, and Heller delusions causing drama with their batshit interpretations is only one of them.

Misha shamelessly objectifies Jensen, in a way he does not do with Jared, and baits Destiel for his own profit. This alone makes me feel like I want to protect Jensen from him, not see them together on stage, silly as it sounds. Then, Jensen is often visibly uncomfortable on stage with Misha (I suppose because of the whole objectifying thing) and in response mocks Misha ruthlessly. It makes for a cringe viewing experience unless you have shipping goggles on.

It's not always like that though. The Jenmish panel at JIB12 last summer was a lot of fun. But often it is.

I do sometimes add on to comments to continue a discussion, but I also may not feel like I have much to add or just get lazy. So if you specifically want a response to something, a direct ask is the better way to go.

I don't begrudge anyone enjoying panels with Jared and Misha. I just get kind of irritated when the same people talking up how great they were then talk shit about Jensen for *gasp* also joking with Misha. Not just finding those Jensen and Misha panels awkward af, because frankly, sometimes they are, but actively blaming Jensen for agreeing to a panel or not storming offstage in a snit. If it's that terrible to interact with Misha, it's that terrible to interact with Misha - it is or it isn't.

I personally just reached a point where I was completely fed up with Misha, but I recognize that Jared and Jensen are friends with the guy and assume that (a) they don't see the worst shit he says/posts or don't take it seriously and (b) he must have some kind of redeeming qualities one-on-one I just don't have the perspective to see.

I think it definitely plays a part that when Jared and Misha make off-color jokes to each other it's very mutual. It doesn't have that longstanding undercurrent of Misha's queerbaiting and objectification of Jensen/Dean behind Jensen's back that makes Misha's motives inherently questionable, made even moreso when he's the one disproportionately trying to turn the conversation that direction. I personally don't find Jensen's mocking jokes of Misha uncomfortable because I have dear friends where roasting each other is our way of horsing around, and it fits with Jensen's "grumpy guy" persona? But I can see why they would read as just making everything that much more awkward. I also think that Jensen is the most reserved comparatively, so it's easier for Misha and Jared to match energy levels in the first place, even without all the baggage.

And yeah, not all Jensen and Misha panels are unbearably awkward. But there has never been a Jared and Misha panel remotely as awkward as many of theirs have been. Like, seriously, if I was the kind of person to think actors were fucking solely because of the way they interacted on stage - which I'm not because that's dumb as fuck - but if I were? From Jibcon panels taken as a whole, I'd assume Misha had some weird stalkery crush on Jensen the latter was trying not to be visibly weirded out by, Jensen and Jared were occasionally raunchy BFFs playing it up for the crowd for shits & giggles, and Jared and Misha were the fuckbuddies.

#askboxery #anonymous #cockless #anti tinhattery #con drama #anti misha

[anhed-nia]

And now that I've been positive about something that didn't demand it, I'm gonna be MEAN for no reason just to restore balance to the universe. I fucking hate this movie. Never has a tagline been so accurate. TRICK OR TREATS is one of these things that has remained in circulation long enough for me to wonder, like, do people LIKE this, and there's just something good about it that I don't get? Or is it just anomalous that it's still available enough to be on Shudder 40 years after its accursed birth? I'm not just irked that it's "bad", which it is, but because I have no idea what the fucking point of it is supposed to be. What form of pleasure am I supposed to receive from it? This is a movie that's loaded with sluts and blowjob jokes, but it's completely devoid of graphic nudity or violence or even proper swearing. You might point out that it's more of a comedy, as horror-comedies go, but it's also not at all funny. It features a (not scary) escaped homicidal lunatic, but most of that plays out as a long gag about how, if a big ugly dude puts on a frumpy dress and a stuffed bra, absolutely no one can tell the difference and randos will start trying to fuck him immediately. Ha Ha Ha. It's a movie that seems to be aimed at horror buffs, but the "special effects" basically amount to Halloween decorations and cheap prefab magic tricks for children, which gives you that suspicious feeling that the filmmakers actually kind of hate horror movies and think that you can put any stupid thing in front of a genre fan and get their unqualified, brain dead approval.

Also like, maybe this is a personal thing, but I'd say MOST pranks are pretty unfunny, and movies that prominently feature pranksters are almost unbearable. If you're going to anchor your movie to the idea of tricks and pranks, it really better be as outrageous as the setup of TERROR TRAIN (a movie that also isn't very good, but at least there was an idea in there somewhere); you really cannot ask me to pay rapt attention to, for instance, an endless scene of a snot-nosed brat duping his babysitter into thinking there's somebody at the door. Oh wow, the little boy uses a string to pull on the door knocker, oh boy, the babysitter answers the door, oh no, there's no one there. Lather, rinse, repeat. Ha Ha Ha. By the way, why is this frustrated woman running around in like a Joan Collins type of nightgown while she's both managing this unruly child and having to answer the door for trick-or-treaters every ten minutes? Who fucking knows. How much time can we kill by putting the babysitter on the phone with her inconsequential boyfriend so he can report in about his awful-sounding Shakespeare performance? You'll find out if you watch this piece of shit! (FYI the occasional appearance of cult favorite actors only makes you wish you were watching something better)

There's a lot more to be perplexed about behind the scenes, like the fact that the writer-director-etc also shot movies for Orson Welles, and great horror movies like THE TOOLBOX MURDERS (where's the horror in this movie?), and also a huge amount of porn (where's the damn sex appeal in this movie?). I vaguely worry that TRICK OR TREATS was just made as a simple excuse to create a starring role for the filmmaker's young son, which makes it seem innocent and like something I shouldn't spend so much energy bagging on, but it's just so un-fun, and vaguely insulting, that it's hard for me to just turn a blind eye. AND ANOTHER THING I really hate that the title is pluralized. You can DO trick-or-treating, you can BE a trick-or-treater, but there's no such thing as "trick or treats". It reminds me of when I watched NOTTING HILL a couple years ago (*John Waters voice* What was I thinking about?) and among other sticking points, I could not get over Hugh Grant repeatedly saying "whoopsies-daisies". I mean. What the fuck, guy? Why are you, an adult, saying that, but also it's NOT PLURAL. It's just "whoopsy-daisy"; sure, you'll find a few variations in an idiomatic dictionary, but not one that pluralizes both words. "Whoopsies-daisies" isn't even easy to say. How the fuck did you come up with that? I think I've finally drained my poison gland for this morning, so to leave on a bright note, here's my favorite part of NOTTING HILL. Just Hugh Grant's roommate's implausible shirt. I kinda want one.

PS I posted that NOTTING HILL review on Facebook a few years ago, because I thought it was fun and like one of the more publicly acceptable/accessible things I'd written, and indeed, a bunch of people found it pretty funny. But then within a day or so, I had to go to a friend-of-a-friend's birthday party where I was quietly informed that I was nearly dis-invited because it was the adult birthday girl's favorite movie and she just, like, didn't want to see my face after she found out what I had to say. So, never let it be said that my opinions are not powerful and of consequence for others!

#blogtober ramp-up i guess! #trick or treats

[ilaiyayaya]

Doug Walker Jumpscare

My routine for the last full week has just been work, sleep, and slowly force myself through all of Channel Awesome's movies. More accurately 2 of those days were spent watching Kickassia and Suburban Knights, and the last 5 have been me procrastinating finishing To Boldly Flee, because god, that movie has got to be one of the single most unbearable things I have ever watched. I watched them all in the form of a Twitch stream with commentary and The 9/11 Brothers (don't worry about it.) and I don't think I could've gotten through any of those films without those 2 silly little ducks. To be fair, Suburban Knights, and Kickassia weren't the worst, like I found some enjoyment from those 2, especially Kickassia that movie was just genuinely fun, but I could not tell you a single thing about To Boldly Flee other than that every scene was really awkward in a non-funny way.

Doug Walker is like, actually so unfunny that he integer underflows into being the funniest person ever entirely on his own, every single scene involving him (which was almost all of them) became extremely entertaining after a certain point. He has 3 jokes, and 2 tones of voice and he acts exactly the same in every situation, he always feels like he is simultaneously trying way too hard and also has no clue what he's doing acting. It was so hard to tell when a scene was supposed to be serious, or if it was him being self-aware and making fun of himself, like some of those scenes have to be ironic, they can't not be, but they're filmed and acted in the exact same way as the actually serious scenes it's such a mess. Like it sounds like I'm just making fun of him at this point, which I am I think anyone who's ever talked about these movies inevitably does because it's really easy to do, however I did genuinely find these movies (with the exception of To Boldly Flee, which to be fair was probably just because I watched all of these movies back to back and that was not a good idea) to be really fun to watch, and it's very clear that Doug had actual genuine passion in making these and probably really enjoyed filming them (even if the rest of the crew very clearly did not).

This has been like the least productive week ever, I have done NOTHING all because I refused to let myself do anything until I finished these films in their entirety. Tbh I do this a lot, I will very frequently start something and refuse to move onto anything else until that thing is complete, no matter how unimportant it is, it's kind of a problem ngl lol. The worst part is whenever I do just say fuck it and move on without finishing something, it will eat away at me for an indefinite amount of time afterwards, 2 years ago I played Persona 4, got to the final boss then just stopped, like I didn't even attempt the fight I just stopped despite enjoying the game and being at the very end, and that has haunted me ever since.

I don't know where to put this because I suck at structuring things, but like, I just want to bring up a few of my favorite moments (all of them are from Kickassia my brain completely turned off for the other 2 I don't remember shit). The scene where Cinema Snob gets exiled from Kickassia and everyone just awkwardly stares at him as he walks away is easily the best part of any of these movies, it's filmed so weirdly, and it goes on for way too long, like it feels like just a full minute of cutting back and forth between him walking off into the desert, and everyone else on the other side of a fence waving. The point where they just straight up play a random clip from Board James completely out of nowhere was also peak fiction, I love how that small clip of someone else's Youtube show is filmed so significantly better than this full length movie. Another really odd thing is that Doug is just like, obsessed with Ma-Ti from Captain Planet, like he's a recurring character in all 3 of his films, like why him, it just feels so random? I literally don't remember a single other moment from any of these films they left so little impact I actually remember more about the 3 minute Board James cameo than anything else why did I waste my week doing this it wasn't even that funny.

#purgatory #kickassia #suburban knights #to boldly flee #doug walker #doug runner #the ipod brothers #cinematic masterpiece #yaoi #monstergirl

[pen-observing]

request: how lucifer, mammon, satan, belphegor and diavolo react and find out about you having 'I now own your soul' under the terms and conditions of a webpage.

Lucifer:

While Lucifer is certainly busy all the time, and tries to balance it by having you in his study as he works, he can’t hide how tired he has actually been for the past 4 weeks.

All you know is that Diavolo has made the meetings more frequent and they are taking a toll on him

And since he means that much to you, regardless of if you wish to acknowledge it or not, you have to ask what is going on once he stands up and walks over to reach for another bottle from his shelf Lucifer does not drink that often and he certainly doesn’t try to avoid work by drinking.

Just what could be making him act this way?

“Lucifer, you have to tell me what is going on.”

He stands on his side of the desk just pouring another glass down.

Curse him for being elegant and showing his forearms while doing so!

And then he dares to look at you with full focus and furrowed eyebrows and he is about to say something and he looks like-

‘no. You are human.’

Fuck.

“Come on! You know I won’t tell anyone!”

He does trust you at least after so long.

"Very well. I will tell you since it has something to do with a human. If, by any chance, you spread the information, the price you pay will be a heavy one."

He can’t intimidate you that much but you know when he is serious.

"You see, recently, Diavolo has had more issues than ever with someone we like to call ‘code soul stealer"

“Uhn,, and that is?”

He takes a sip of his drink and holds the glass while looking at you.

“Apparently, a pesky human added ‘I now own your soul’ in their terms and conditions on a web page and some application. With this, they have stolen many souls and Diavolo has grown even more concerned these past few weeks since the page is just gaining popularity.”

Oh fuck, oh fuck. Thats you that he is calling a pesky human! You only did it as a joke because you saw a meme! It wasn’t supposed to make an enemy out of you to the prince of hell!

How are you supposed to tell Lucifer that? How will he react?

Maybe if you do tell him it will actually create more good than harm?

Or, you could hide it for the rest of your life and- no! The honest way with Lucifer is the best way. He trusts you enough so you have to trust him too!

“Lucifer...I am the pesky human you are referring to...”

He drops the glass. 

“I swear I had no idea souls were actually real and now I own a lot of them! O-On the good side I went viral 4 weeks ago so...oh, that is why you’ve been so busy....sorry.”

Lucifer says nothing.

He just falls into the chair in the most dramatic way you’ve ever seen.

He covers his face with both hands and groans into them loudly.

If you were not ‘code soul stealer’ you would laugh at him right now. But he has to figure out a way to protect you now.

Mammon:

You see, dating Mammon means that you two will bicker plenty.

However, it is usually silly stuff that you bicker about like; are gold or silver lines better on this cup of tea or not?

He just loves you too much to get into a serious argument with you.

However, Levi dragged you both to play a spy/heist game that just came out and Mammon cannot accept to lose such a challenge.

He is not proud that people call him thief, but he is proud and believes he has the skills to back up his many enrichment-plans

So the fact that you won against him for 3 times in a row is UNNACCEPTABLE under this dark, dark sky.

Mammon denies it all. ‘i went easy on you’; ‘I did it cuz you are happy when you win’ and ‘please, don’t you know who I am? I am THE Mammon!”

And while he is cute while bickering, sometimes it becomes unbearable.

So, you do what any normal human would: you challenge him by listing your biggest ‘heist’ ever.

“You don’t know who you are talking to! I have created a heist unlike any other! I have stolen a million souls so far! The DevilTV refers to me as – unstoppable soul collector!”

Levi left long ago so Mammon is standing there completely stunned with the stupidest look on his face so far. He kind of looks like a blowfish.

Still, he runs and puts a hand over your mouth and whispers:

“Don’t yell! We don’t want others to know that we run that business!”

Excuse him? Who is this –we- he speaks of?

“You will add your boyfriend to those plans, won’t you?”

Mammon will not let shock stand in the way of money or souls. You can explain to him how you managed that later but for now – just add him as your accomplice.

Satan:

You love your boyfriend.

You really, really do.

You love seeing him so excited and focused on finding clues to the newest Devildom mystery that you chose to let him have his fun by not telling him YOU were the one he was searching for.

And while you love him that much, you are about to ruin the whole game.

Why does he think it is appropriate to own 48 pairs of the same Sherlock Holmes outfit with THE UGLIEST MATCHING HATS YOU HAVE EVER LAID YOUR EYES ON.

First, he wore them in his ‘detective office’ only. Also known as the Lamentation house storage room for cleaning products. And that was fine, it was.

But then he started to wear them inside the house and in the garden. The saddest day was when a cat knocked the ugly hat off and ran away with it. Oh praise that cat! Praise the little paws!

However, he has gone too far.

He knows no bounds and shows no signs of stopping.

He started wearing the outfits OUTSIDE! In the middle of cobblestone paths of the main street while you were trying to have a nice date!

"Who knows where the soul snatching culprit could be hiding? I must wear this outfit everywhere to catch their clues. Trust me.”

That is it.

If one more iguana-looking-ass demon points their finger at you two and snickers as you walk past – he will have a rude wake up call.

How is it possible that he is trying to catch the culprit that is you but doesn’t pay any attention to you?

So, when you arrive home and he walks into the mop closet to add another unrelated photo to his crazy whiteboard as a clue – you tell him to sit down for a moment.

“Satan, honey, I have something to tell you about your soul snatching culprit.”

That definitely got his attention.

Finally! He is actually looking at you!

You lean down and gently kiss his head.

“I am the culprit you’re looking for. How does it feel to completely miss something right under your nose?”

He freezes up and throws a pen towards the whiteboard. It just bounces off and hits him in the back.

“You....you mean to tell me that,,, the biggest Devil Mystery TV phenomenon is ACTUALLY YOU?”

You are met with complete disbelief. Satan demands a detailed explanation on how you did it. He even tells you to use his whiteboard to retrace your steps!

...good luck...

Belphegor:

Will Belphegor ever actually publicly say that he has changed because of you? No.

Will he ever actually admit that to other brothers besides Beel when they’re talking in the late hours of the night in their room? Oh, absolutely not.

Will he tell you? Yes.

Yes but.. He will leave something out.

Sometimes Belphie looks at how you smile and remembers things that make him famous in this realm.

Yes, he is one of the most powerful demons and yes, he has a reputation of rebellion and the biggest steak of unattendance in RAD but

He is also a fairly famous scholar.

His papers and research are cited on the regular.

But when you smile and say a witty joke – he remembers that most of them focus around him proving just how dumb or naïve humans actually are.

But, you’re human and he hopes that you never see those.

Except that you do.

Because he is so famous it is no surprise that while looking for research papers to reference for your next assignment you saw his name while browsing through

And while you love him - you will not allow him to just diss the whole mankind.

So, you grab one of them from the library. Walk home, go to the attic while he is napping and open it up, putting it right on his face.

It takes a couple of seconds but he feels something is wrong and his hand reaches for it.

When he pulls it away, he is met with his thesis that was further developed from the seduction speech class assignment.

It sets it up as: ‘Seduction speech as a matter of blatant deception that humans always fall for but could never recreate.’

You are not even that mad at it to be honest.

But proving him wrong is always fun. And little does he know about your biggest secret ever.

“I will cut right to the chase and say – fix your bangs I want to see the way your eyes look when I tell you this!”

“I wonder who messed up my bangs with the academic paper in the first place?” is what he replies but his hand is already on his forehead.

“Whatever. Prepare to be amazed! I am the one the elders of the devildom are always ranting about on TV! Yes, I am the ‘pesky little human’ who is stealing away ‘edible’ souls! How is that for your thesis now? Is that not true deception?!”

He likes your smile still. You’re standing in front of the bed looking at him with sparkling eyes and clenched fists while striking a pose. It is silly really but he smiles.

Because you are.

And while he will ask you a bit more about that claim, he is just happy to know that maybe his next academic paper (which everyone eagerly awaits) will be tad more positive to your kind.

Diavolo:

You got an urgent call from Barbatos.

On the doorstep he told you that Diavolo needs you in his study.

What could you do that Barbatos can’t and will help Diavolo? Does such a thing even exist?

You walk inside of his office and are pretty sure Barbatos did not want to go inside because of the fact that a rat could be hiding under the mountain of papers that are all around the room.

Usually, Diavolo immediately stands up, lights up the room with his smile and stretches out his hands for a hug.

Now? He hears the doors open and looks at you with a weak smile while his head is resting on his elbows from behind the desk.

He has never looked worse.

“Barbatos said you called for me?”

You are unsure where to begin with this so you state a fact while thinking of questions to ask.

“He has? I have done no such thing?”

Great. Now both of you are confused.

“Can you tell me what is going on?”

Diavolo sighs and his smile is still nowhere to be seen.

“The elders have been so annoying lately. I understand that the biggest threat to the Devildom and everyone’s life here still has not been identified but there is nothing I can do except search!”

Just what threat is that? What could be making Diavolo so miserable?

“They keep comparing me to my father without actually offering any ways of fixing this!”

“I will try to offer some way if you tell me what the threat is!”

There you are, making a grand exclamation and promise while trying to avoid papers on the floor. Diavolo sighs again.

“A human is ruining our business! They somehow set up a page that allowed them to own souls by consent in some application under the terms and conditions. I mean, this has never happened before! Humans were never expected to think of that or have access to such means! And the name they used was fake. How am I supposed to find them and then burn them in the darkest pits of hell as the elders want me to?”

You stop trying to avoid the papers.

Did...did he just say darkest pits of hell? Did he just say the elders want YOU burned?!

How are you supposed to fix this? It was a fucking joke! You did not imagine this could ever happen!

“Diavolo you promised you would protect me no matter what, right?”

His eyes are serious when you say that. “Yes. I will. Is something amiss?”

“Diavolo.... I am the enemy your elders want to burn.. PLEASE DON’T LET THEM! MY SKIN JUST ADJUSTED TO THIS TEMPERATURE!”

Diavolo looks at you and laughs like never before. It is cute, it is childlike. His laugh finally lights up the room.

He thinks you are joking.

He thinks you are joking and abruptly stops once he realizes that you did not join in on the laugh.

You were just trying to crack a joke and make him feel better, right? There is no way that is true, right? But judging from your reaction he knows it is.

So, he grows serious once more.

He runs to embrace you.

“Please tell me you are willing to make a compromise because the elders do not care about how your skin adjusts to the temperature.”

#obey me #obey me swd #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #lucifer x reader #lucifer x mc #mammon x reader #satan x reader #belphegor x reader #diavolo x reader #obey me writing #gn reader #mammon x mc #belphegor x mc #satan x mc #kinda crack kinda serious #this has taken me like 2-3 hours #my eyes my eyesss #the screen aaaaa #hope you still like it! #i AM BACK AFTER THE EXAMS AND THIS IS THE FIRST THING I WRITE AKSFNJAD #obey me x reader

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

I wish I could like Tony Stark. I wish I could laugh at his jokes. But no, they decided to make him so terrible while refusing to acknowledge that, instead treating him like a God, and his stans lick that shit up. Now I just get a bad feeling in my gut when seeing him. It seriously sucks some of the fun out of watching MCU. I skip past some scenes with him and my fav movies are ones without him

Oh dear anon, I hear you and feel you.

I find him insufferable in every movie since Ultron (I thought he was somewhat tolerable before that). It's hard to laugh at his snarky comments because they don't come in a vacuum, they're part of a context where he keeps disrespecting his teammates. He says something hurtful or offensive then follows it with something sassy and... it just doesn't land.

But probably the reason he's so unbearable is that every single thing he did was framed as good. If instead of a hero they had admitted that he was always an anti-hero (and pretty close to a villain... or what the hell, a downright villain at times) it would have worked much better. You just can't show him hiding Ultron from the team then giving him a scene in which he tries to defend himself by claiming he wants to protect the world (that's not protection, that's control). Or at the very least, if you're going to show that scene allow the other characters to call him out, correct him, set things straight.

Then in CW I'm sorry to say but he's a villain. There's no other word to describe him and the things he does in that movie, a damn villain. And yet he steals the freaking spotlight from Steve even though it's supposed to be his movie and still to this day people are defending him and the accords. And he knew Wanda was wearing a damn torture collar in the Raft and he never moved a finger to get her and the others out.

At least we got this comeback from Steve that always brings a smile to my face because fuck yeah boy, you tell him

And this isn't mentioning his Hydra speech in EG and the Edith device (sure, build a damn satellite to control the population, that's a great idea. Hydra would have been proud).

#anti tony stark #team cap #as a Stephen fan imagine how much it infuriates me when people compare them #Stephen is NOTHING like him mainly because he learnt where he went wrong then made a promise to change #and he did change #and got a lot better as proven in IW and EG and NWH #Stark kept making the same shit again and again #promising to change then doing nothing at all #they're nothing alike

[foolhearts]

happy miami gp! hope y'all are enjoying the vibes as much as i am. i wrote this ridiculous seb/lewis thing last night and thought i'd release it into the world (tumblr). inspired by and dedicated to @collarboen. it's extremely sappy with a hint of (implied) armpit kink. enjoy!

It’s hot in Miami. Lewis loves it, even though the humidity is bordering on oppressive and he knows it’ll become unbearable at some point during the weekend. Sebastian is already complaining, even though all they’ve done so far is check into their hotel and change into shorts because Lewis plans on immediately taking advantage of the balcony in their suite. 

“We could just relax here, where it’s air conditioned. You know we’ll be spending plenty of time outside in the next few days,” Seb points out, a grin on his face as if he thinks he’s making a funny joke. 

Lewis rolls his eyes fondly. “I know your idea of fun is skinny dipping in a frozen pond, but I came here to enjoy the warm weather. Besides,” he giggles as he gently pinches one of Seb’s pec muscles, “you could use some sun.” 

Seb snorts and playfully swats Lewis’s hand away. “If I get sunburned and it’s too painful to put on my fireproofs this weekend, I’m blaming you.” He obliges Lewis though, pulling a book and his sunglasses out of his backpack before following Lewis through the sliding glass doors out to the balcony.

The humidity hits Lewis like a wave and he can feel a light sheen of sweat on his skin almost immediately. But there’s a gentle breeze that’s refreshing. He leans his elbows on the balcony and looks out at the ocean. He watches the swells where the water transitions from a greenish teal to a deep blue. He can dimly hear the bustle of people on the beach and the waves crashing in the distance but it seems a world away. He’s grateful for these moments where he can relax and reset. His shoulders relax as he tips his face toward the sun. The air smells like salt and he takes a deep breath. 

He turns back toward Sebastian, who’s situated himself onto an oversized lounge chair that’s partially shaded. He's holding his book but he’s not reading it, it’s obvious he’s been staring at Lewis instead. He doesn’t look away even though he’s been caught. If anything, his eyes darken as they trail over Lewis’s chest and abdomen. Even in the heat, Lewis’s body warms further under Seb’s appreciative gaze. 

“See something you like?” Lewis asks coyly as he walks over and climbs into Seb’s lap, straddling him. Lewis plucks the book from Seb’s hands and places it on the table next to the chair. 

“I suppose Miami is good for one thing so far,” Seb murmurs as he runs his hands over Lewis’s chest and abs. “I could get behind this weather if it means you never wear a shirt.” 

Lewis laughs and looks at Seb’s face, open and earnest. He’s grinning up at Lewis with a sparkle in his eyes. He’s also sweaty and his hair is disheveled from the humidity and traveling but he still looks so handsome. Lewis is so in love and he feels truly blessed. He leans down and kisses Seb, pouring his feelings into it. Seb’s beard has grown long again and it always tickles at first, causing Lewis to involuntarily smile into the kiss. 

Sebastian wraps his arms around Lewis’s waist, securing Lewis against him as they make out lazily. He idly slides a hand beneath the waistband of Lewis’s shorts and rests it there. Seb will always turn him on and Lewis is half hard already but the rest of his body is loosening and relaxing. He feels buoyant and drowsy, due to a combination of the heat and traveling and the feeling of Sebastian’s body against his own. 

As if Seb can sense how Lewis is feeling, he breaks the kiss and asks, “Do you want to fuck or take a nap?” 

“Nap first, then fuck.” Lewis slides off Seb onto the lounge chair and curls up into his side. Seb raises his arm so Lewis can tuck his face into the side of his chest and his armpit. He smells like sweat and deodorant. Lewis noses at the crook of Seb’s armpit, in the area where he knows Seb is a bit ticklish. 

Seb squirms and lets out a squeak of surprise. “I thought you were going to nap.”

Lewis hums in response and closes his eyes. He hears Seb reaching for his book and flipping it open as he drifts off to sleep. 

#again i barely edited so this is what it is #sorry for the extreme sap #it's kinda fun posting these on tumblr bc i just write whatever comes out of my brain and don't stress about editing it #did i post this in the middle of the workday using the tumblr app? maybe #struggled with the read more as usual #anyway hope you enjoy!!! #seb/lewis #sewis #my fic

[bakubub]

In which Racer!Kuroo is your roommate and you finally learn more about him...

Warnings: Mentions of loss of loved one, disregard for own life, swearing, innuendos and implied nsfw (but sfw overall), fem!reader with she/her pronouns.

A/N: Idek what this is. Its literally a 4.6 k mixture of fluff, angst and comfort... I rewrote this like 4 times :,) being a perfectionist is so,,, tiring.

This takes part shortly after this, you can definitely read this without reading the 'part 1' if you will, since they don't depend on one another.

Art belongs to @aikk00 ,, and yes I am still in love with it :D

I stumble out of the lecture hall, my eyes so heavy I bump into about 3 other students and mumble my apologies until I fully wake up and snap out of my daze.

Walking down the stairs and making my way to the bus stop, I watch in horror as the bus I was supposed to be in drives off, going fast for once in its damn life as if mocking me.

Inhaling sharply through my nose, I manage to keep my composure and sit down at the bus stop, telling myself the next bus will be here in a bit.

It's fine. It's fine. I slept through the lecture, and I still have to catch up on 4 subjects and make dinner, but at least the house is clean and I'm caught up in that one subject I picked up for this exact reason.

It's fine. It's going to be just fi-

The rumble of a loud engine breaks my shitty but somewhat effective self-reassurance motto and I open my eyes to see a black and red sports car going 60 km/h in a 30 zone, effectively getting mine and everyone else's attention.

I watched in horror for the second time today as this time it stopped right in front of the bus stop. No, no, no, no.

No.

Please no.

He rolls down the passenger window with that ridiculous hair and a shit-eating grin, as he nods towards the seat, revving his engine.

I look away, pretending he's not looking directly at me and that I don't live with the guy, which I immediately regretted when he beeped the fucking horn.

What did I do to deserve this humiliation?

I hastily put my head down as he beeped it again, giving up and rushing towards his insufferable car, getting into the passenger seat and slumping in my seat to keep my head down low.

"What is wrong with you? What are you even doing here?" I hiss, my glaring up at him from my awkward, folded position.

He laughs, and when I hear the sound of a photo being taken in the split second I looked away to readjust my bag, I sit up straight, watching him continue speeding as he stuffs his phone into his pocket.

"Are. You. Trying. To. Kill. Me?!" I ask, my voice little less than a screech as I slap his arm with each word.

"Ow, ow, I just came to pick my roomie up! I sensed you needed a ride, and this is the thanks I get?" he asks, that smirk I have come to hate returning to grace his features.

I glare at him, but a small, sleep-deprived part of my brain is distracted by his appearance. A tight black tee adorning his built figure, his biceps are on display as he drives with one hand, the other resting on the gear shift. The air from his rolled down window is ruffling his hair this way and that, and I find myself wanting to run my hands through the raven strands, just as I had when I washed his hair that one time...

"Wait- how the fuck did you know I didn't have a ride?" I ask incredulously, my reaction time clearly delayed but here nonetheless.

I narrow my eyes as he hesitates before he answers, "I just knew, ok? It's not like it’s astrodynamics, not that I can't figure that out too."

"Kuroo, what the hell is astrodynamics? Are you like, spying on me or something?" I ask, pretending to look out the window so as to not get distracted by his appearance once more.

"What do you common folk call it? Rocket science?" He says, once again exceeding the speed limit.

"If I'm a commoner, does that make you a peasant? Also, stop going so fast, I feel sick and I do not feel like dying today."

He rolls his eyes in response as he slows down by a smidgen, the speed meter barely even moving. "Seriously, you may have no consideration for yourself, but I still have a lot of things to achieve with my damn life so slow the fuck down." My words finally reach the rational part in him and he slows down considerably, now going within the speed limit.

Taking a deep breath, I rest my elbow on my door and look out the window, my mind flooding with thoughts about Kuroo's reckless driving and how it can all go sour with one delayed reaction.

Before I know it, we're rolling up to our apartment building, driving into his private garage only the penthouse owners get to use.

"I'm sorry," he mutters, filling the silence in the car.

"It's ok. I just... I want you to be safe. I know its hard, but... just try," I say quietly, unable to look at him.

"That's what he said," he says hastily before rushing out of the car before I can hit him.

Getting out of the vehicle myself, I send a murderous look his way and run after his retreating form.

A small part of me is grateful that he's acting like his usual unbearable self again, but the rest of me is just mad at his relentless sex jokes.

He hits the elevator button before I can get there and I watch the doors close, his smirk practically shining through the crack of the closing doors. I jam my foot in the middle at the last possible second, and smile victoriously as I get into the metal box and slap his arm once again.

"Ooh, do it harder," he practically moans, and my eyes just about pop out of their sockets in embarrassment as my face flushes a deep red.

"Oh shut up," I mutter, turning around and waiting patiently for the doors to open on the top floor. I hear him snicker and then the sound of a photo being taken, turning around sharply. I yell in defiance and throw my bag on the floor as I jump onto him in an attempt to grab his phone out of his hand and delete the probably unflattering photo.

I straddle his back and reach for the phone he easily holds out of my reach. Leaning across his shoulder in a feeble attempt to reach it, my feet are hooked around his chest and my other hand is using his shoulder as a brace. He's laughing hard at this point, and I'm screaming at him to give me the damn phone. Neither of us notice the elevator doors opening nor the small woman standing at the threshold staring at us in shock and amusement.

"Kuroo Tetsuro! You let that poor girl down this instant, young man!"

We both froze at the authoritative voice, slowly turning to look at a small dark haired woman with a straight shoulder length cut and narrow gold eyes that were glaring at the man under me.

"MUM!" He exclaims, setting me down and running to hug and kiss the woman, his mum apparently. "What are you doing here?" I hear him ask as I straighten myself out, fixing my jumper and tucking my hair behind my ears, picking up my bag off the floor and quickly following them out of the elevator.

"What, a mother needs an excuse to come visit her boys? Where's Kenma?" She asks, looking in the elevator again as if to check if she missed him.

"Oh, he's at his own place. Apparently he has a booked in session with this famous gamer today. Did he say he'd be here?" Kuroo asks, letting go of the woman and leaning on the wall.

"No, I didn't tell anyone I was coming to visit. Never mind that, who's this pretty young lady here, hmm?" She asks, raising a perfectly shaped brow as she walks towards me, the click of her heels echoing in the lobby of the penthouse.

I smiled down at her, since she was considerably shorter than even me, and introduced myself. "It's very nice to meet you, Mrs. Kuroo." I say, bowing.

"Oh no, no, none of that. You can call me mum too, hmm?" She says, gesturing me up from my bow and pulling me down for a tight hug.

"Oh, um, actually, me and Kuroo aren't-"

"We’ll talk more comfortably inside, no? Tetsuro, is your plan to let me stand here all day?” She asks, letting me go and turning around to look at Kuroo.

Kuroo leaps into action, taking his mum's bag and unlocking the door, helping her out of her heels and leading her into the spotless penthouse.

It was all I could do to nod in response, closing the door behind us and walking down into the kitchen to prepare a meal.

It’s crazy how much I don’t know about this guy. He’d never mentioned his mother before, and briefly mentioned that he has a sister, whether older or younger I have no idea. Kenma, however, I know well. The guy was here all the time when I first started living here, but recently I've seen him less and less. Which is a shame, considering we actually got along quite well, with sharing eye rolls and bonding over our mutual love of Minecraft.

I don't notice silent footsteps following me until Kuroo's Mother says "now, why's a beautiful girl like yourself slaving away in the kitchen? Does that boy make u do all the cooking and cleaning like some mid-century housewife?"

I poke my head out of the fridge, smiling at her fair assumptions, "no, no, it's not like that at all. I actually-"

"Uh, mum! You know I'm incompetent with this stuff. This place would be a mess if she wasn't here to run things! Plus, she loves to cook and finds cleaning therapeutic. Hey, her words not mine," Kuroo quickly jumps in, putting his hands up defensively when she looks at him with a raised brow.

Looks like he doesn't want his mother to know of our little arrangement.

"Right. He's just so hopeless, I can't trust him to do anything," I add on, sending her a smile as I prepare the fish he likes.

"You're making grilled mackerel for dinner?! Oh that's gonna hit the fu- the fun spot," he says, saving himself at the last second.

I hold back a snort as I take out a pan, "open the window, fish boy. It's about to stink here and I can't be bothered with Mrs. Suzuki coming all the way upstairs just to complain about the fish smell, and then complaining that she had to come up here in the first place. God, I hope she isn't sitting on the balcony today," I ramble, trying to see her balcony from outside the window, but fail because of the private location.

Damn these amazing architects.

I hear his mum chuckle at my rambling as she begins to take out ingredients for a salad. "Oh, you don't have to help, please sit and make yourself comfortable," I say, moving towards her to take the lettuce out of her hands.

"No, no, I'd like to pitch in. Now what kind of mother-in-law would I be to let you do everything yourself?" She asks, holding the lettuce away from me and walking over to the sink.

I stare at the back of her head, a flush creeping up my neck, "m-mother-in-law?!" I ask incredulously, glancing over at Kuroo who looked suspiciously... Smug. I look away quickly when he meets my eyes, and I hastily hyper-focus on the fish in front of me, placing it on the heated pan, causing sizzling and popping to fill the awkward silence.

"I'm sorry darling, I don't mean to be overbearing. Tetsuro introduced you as his girlfriend, so I thought things were getting serious since he actually allowed us to meet one another. You see, he’s never introduced me to a girl before, so you can imagine my excitement. I can stop if you're uncomfortable-"

I cut her off, feeling even more embarrassed as I realise the role I am to play in Kuroo's life when his mother is around. I mean, it makes sense, he can't exactly just admit he took a random girl into his house.

"I, um, no really it's fine, I understand" I say, my voice small as I flip the fish.

She lets out a delighted laugh and pulls me down into a hug once more. The smile on my face is genuine as my embarrassment melts away, the bright smile of this woman comforting me.

"So, how did you guys meet?" She asks, chopping up the ingredients for her salad on the bench while I'm at the stove, Kuroo leaning on his elbows on the bench.

"At uni," I answer at the same time as Kuroo states, "at a party."

We both look at each other with wide eyes, and I clear my throat to clarify, "at a uni party. A classmate of ours hosted one and we met each other there."

"I see, so the old boozed up one night stand turned into quite a domestic relationship hmm?" she suggests, wiggling her eyebrows at Kuroo.

"What? No, no, I would never! A one night stand? Booze? Please, what kind of man do you take me for?" Kuroo complains, looking offended.

I turn around towards the stove and roll my eyes. I've heard the rumours around campus, practically every girl in my lecture hall can testify to at least making out with the man. He really puts up a façade for his mum.

I hear the doorbell ring, and quickly take the fish off the stove to go answer it as Kuroo bickers with his mother about how innocent he really is.

"Hello? Who is it?" I ask, pressing the buzzer.

"Uh, hello? Is this Tetsu's place?" A deep voice answers. I look at the camera, seeing Kenma and a bunch of men about Kuroo's age looking confused. The one who answered is a guy with a blond mohawk and piercings adorning both ears.

"Yes, just give me a second," I reply. "Kuroo, I think Kenma and the rest of your friends are here? Should I let 'em up?" I shout out.

"Yeah let 'em in," he calls back. I press another button, letting them into the lobby.

I need to make more food.

Quickly taking out my frozen dumplings I stocked up for emergency dinners for days I couldn't be bothered to make anything better, I whip up a quick sauce, thinking I could split the fish and put it in the middle of the table so everyone can take their share.

"I do apologise darling, I let my Kenma know that I came to visit and he must have told the boys. I think they've all come to see me," Kuroo's mum confesses.

"You must be a very loved woman if they came all this way to see you. And it's no worries really, I'm always prepared for guests," I say, putting her at ease.

She beams at me as the door is banged loudly.

Kuroo mutters something about “rude assholes'' as he goes to open the door, a group of tall men making their way through the threshold.

"Hiya cap'ain," the mohawk guy says, patting Kuroo on the back. A tall, light brown haired man was next to greet him, then proceeded to exclaim "MUMMA KOZUME!!" and practically jumped onto the poor woman.

Wait, did he just say Kozume? Isn't Kenma's surname Kozume?

"Hey mum," Kenma greets, kneeling down to hug Kuroo's mum.

Who's mum is this lady?! I swear to god I'm going to go crazy.

"Hello hello everyone," A massive grey haired guy says, kissing Kuroo's mum on the cheek and hugging Kuroo.

The last guy to greet them is a tan guy with a buzz cut, and he does the same as his friend before.

"So Kuroo, when di'ja get yourself a girl, huh?" The grey haired guy asks, looking offended that he didn't know before now.

I raise my eyebrows as Kuroo just smiles guiltily. He introduces me to his friends and I wave hello, as they all begin to introduce themselves.

The grey haired guy says his name is Lev and that he's half Russian. A weird detail to include but interesting I guess.

The light brown haired man introduces himself as Yaku, and says that he was Kuroo's senpai back in high school.

"Yeah a demon senpai," Kuroo mutters in reply. My smile quickly turns into a grimace as Yaku jumps on him and they both start brawling on the floor, making a loud ruckus. A loud thumping can be heard from downstairs as Mrs. Suzuki starts to lose her mind and continues to bang the handle of her broom to her ceiling.

"Ugh, you morons upset Mrs. Suzuki! She's going to talk my ear off next time I see her..." I complain, grabbing a cushion and throwing it at the boys.

They flinch at my anger and quickly get up, muttering a quick apology. My glare softens as mohawk introduces himself as Yamamoto, and the tan guy says his name is Kai whilst vigorously shaking my hand.

"It's very nice meeting all of you. Dinner will be ready in a bit so please just make yourselves comfortable," I announce, making my way back into the kitchen.

The boys, all sporting grins, make their way to the living room and sit on the couches, man-spreading and slouching all over the place, one person taking up the usual spot for two.

I sigh, focusing on the dumplings in front of me.

I stiffen as I feel large hands on my waist, and a presence behind me. Visibly relaxing once I realise it's Kuroo, I turn around, his hands still resting on my hips, and his face nestled in the crook of my neck.

"Please just go along with it. We have to act like a couple if they're going to believe us," he mutters, his hot breath causing shivers to run up my spine.

I simply nod, instinctively placing my arms around his neck and running my fingers through his hair, something I've wanted to do since that day.

He groans into my neck, and I find myself holding my breath as I continue my hand movements.

"OI LOVEBIRDS! MUM SAYS THE DUMPLINGS ARE GONNA FUCKIN' STICK! Ow! Oh, sorry," I snatched my hands back from Kuroo, pushing his chest, my cheeks flushing in embarrassment.

What the fuck am I doing?!

I turn around back to the stove, mixing the dumplings in the boiling water as my thoughts race.

That felt too real, too much like a real relationship.

And way too addicting, apparently, since I already miss his close proximity.

The warmth on my waist disappears as I hear Kuroo running back into the living room.

"SHUT UP YOU MORON, THE DUMPLINGS ARE FINE!" I hear him scream, and then a loud thud as he presumably tackles whoever yelled at us to the ground.

I sigh as I hear Mrs. Suzuki's muffled thuds from downstairs in record time.

"You know I'm going to have to make Mrs. Suzuki some kind of apology cake because you boys can't sit down and act like adults," I complained, my arms crossed and an unimpressed expression on my face.

Lev and Yamamoto are on the floor playing some kind of Connect 4 game I've never seen before, while Kai looks to be having a deep conversation with Kuroo's mum, who is perched on the single arm chair like the queen she is.

Kenma is hogging the tv playing some kind of video game on Kuroo's ps5 (which I've hogged on more than one occasion), and Kuroo on the other hand has Yaku in a headlock.

He immediately lets go and apologises, and so does Yaku, who even bows in his regret.

I roll my eyes and shake my head at his mum, who just laughs, and I make my way back into the kitchen, setting food on the table and calling them in to eat.

After dinner, I find myself showered in compliments and not a bite of dinner leftover for tomorrow's lunch. Damn I'm good.

I served up cake I had already prepared from earlier along with fruits I washed and set on plates, and watched as that was eaten and finished before I even sat down. Kuroo's mum scolded the boys for poor manners, and they all apologised. Well, all except Kuroo, who just wiggled his pierced brows and winked at me.

I sit down on the floor next to the couch, since it was all occupied, and hear a dissatisfied sound coming from Kuroo's mum.

"Now, now, sweetheart. You don't have to be shy around me, just go on and take your usual seat next to Tetsuro," she says, nudging her head in Kuroo's direction, where the only vacant spot was literally his lap.

I look at her with wide eyes, even Kuroo seems taken aback by her suggestion, and all the boys are immaturely ‘oohing’ loudly as they laugh and make fun of us.

Kuroo makes a gesture for me to come next to him, so I hold back my heavy sigh, try my best to hide the flush on my face, and walk towards him, awkwardly perching on his knee.

He chuckles as he grabs my waist and pulls me flush towards his chest, my butt in the corner of the couch and my legs resting diagonally over his, so that my head is directly in the crook of his neck.

I hate to say it, but this is actually really damn comfortable.

Conversation has started up again, but it becomes secondary to the beat of his heart right under my ear, and my eyes start to get heavy as his scent and warmth lull me to a comfort that is beyond being awake and alert.

---

Kuroo's POV

"What a cute girl she is, Tetsu. I'm so glad you've found her. And now that you've got her, you better. Not. Let. Go." She says, slapping me on the arm with each word of her last sentence.

What is it with women and slapping me?

"Ok, ok, I know mum, I won't stuff this up. I promise," I respond, smiling at her.

"Ok, well, I'm staying over at Kenma's house. Ah, no objections. You've already got your hands full, and I don't want to be in the way of young love. Plus, I'd rather listen to Kenma's midnight streams than you two in the middle of the night," she says, not accepting my objections and giving me a knowing look. My face warms to what she's insinuating, and I mutter a quick, "it's not like that," as I duck my head into Y/n's shoulder.

By this time the boys have all left, Kenma's downstairs waiting in his car for his mum to come, but she insisted on staying back for a few minutes to talk to me.

Y/n fell asleep a while ago now, still nestled on my lap, her head on my shoulder and her figure keeping me warm.

"I know exactly how it is, my darling. I've seen how you two act, pretending to be in a relationship just so we don't ask any uncomfortable questions. I won't meddle in your life, I never did, Tetsuro. But I will give you advice I expect you to consider. Don't let her go. Neither of you were pretending about your feelings towards each other, let me tell you that much." She says, knowingly looking at me.

I look up in alarm, which quickly morphs into a nervous laugh. She's good, I'll give her that much.

But, can Y/n really mirror my feelings?

"Ok darling, better not leave Kenma waiting any longer. I'll visit again tomorrow, or you can come over to Kenma's, whichever you prefer as long as she comes along too. I want to get to know my future daughter-in-law better!!"

With that, the woman who took me in and treated me like her own left my home.

I look down at my roommate, taking in the way her lashes are long enough to brush against her face, the way her brows are just a tad bit asymmetrical, the stroke of her nose and the bend of her cupid's bow.

I can't help but bring my hand up to caress the side of her face, content to stay here forever.

Mum would've loved her.

This thought broke the dam that held back my tears since middle school, and as they fell down my face I couldn't help but think of my own mother, coming in and hugging her, making her famous pie that I can't remember the taste of anymore. A sob racks my figure and I all of a sudden find a pair of e/c eyes staring up at me, my tears having dampened some parts of her face.

Wordlessly, she straightens herself and wraps her arms around my neck, running her fingers through the back of my head, stroking down towards my nape and up again. I cry into her shoulder, tears that I've bottled up, emotions I've ignored because I've had my dad, my grandparents and the Kozume's. Later, I even had the team, and they all followed me to the racing gig, a place where I can express my emotions through the reckless driving that could claim my life any second. I should have been grateful. Instead, the pain of her absence never ceased.

I clutch the back of her sweatshirt as I cry and cry and cry, eventually tiring myself out and running out of tears.

With dry sobs still racking my body every few minutes, she finally leans back, cupping my face in her gentle hands.

"What's the matter, Kuroo?" She whispers, looking up at me with tears shining in her own eyes. "You can tell me anything, or you can say nothing at all. Either way, I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you," she says, touching her forehead to mine and closing her eyes. She stays here for a moment before moving to get up and drag me up too.

"Come on, let's get you into your pjs and into bed. It's getting late."

---

Your POV

Now in his usual shorts and singlet, I drag him to his massive bed, opening the neatly made bed and gently sit him down.

His hazel eyes follow me as I go to close the curtains, his lashes still wet from the countless tears he shed, his body still hiccupping with dry sobs.

Once I've put his blankets around him, I go to leave, muttering a goodnight as I leave.

"Y/n," I hear before I close the door. I peek my head in, "please stay."

Without a pause to think about his request, and already in my own pyjamas, I go next to him and crawl into his open arm as if I've been doing it every night, snuggling into his shoulder once more and wrapping my arm around his chest.

After a few moments of silence, he begins to speak in a raspy tone, "she's not my real mum. She's Kenma's mum, and I've... I've called her mum since I was around 7," he takes a deep breath before continuing. "I moved in with my dad and grandparents next door to the Kozumes when I was 6. I was nervous and shy back then. You wouldn't even recognise me because of the 180 turn my personality's taken. Kenma was even more social than I was. He was my first friend, and when I got him into volleyball and we met Coach Nekomata. That man inspired me to be the man I am today, and was the main reason why I joined the volleyball team in high school, and made friends with the guys. He did what my mum should've, supported me and gave me the confidence to live my life," he says, his voice cracking with the last word. I hug him tighter, knowing not to say anything as of yet.

"I just wish... I wish she didn't go. I wish she could've met you, Y/n. She would've loved you even more than Kenma's mum does," he confesses with a chuckle, sniffling and turning towards me to look me in the eyes.

"She would've seen the way I was around you. The different man I become. You make me a better person, Y/n. I find myself wanting to be better for you. I could never thank you enough for that. Please, never leave. Just stay with me, and I'll always be here for you," he says, repeating the same words I said to him earlier.

I can't help the smile from taking over my features and I lean in to kiss his nose, his eyes, his cheeks and finally I press my lips against his, something I have been wanting to do for a very long time.

"I will, Kuroo Tetsuro. I'll always stay with you."

A/n: So, I don't actually know if his mum passed away or if she left them, so I kind of just,, did both ?

Taglist: @3daa & @itsgiorgiaz

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