#maddiswritings

[tornskinpoetry]

“The ache inside me is for the fact that I never fully got to love you in the way you should have been loved, and the way I fully felt for you. But also there is an ache in me for the thought that I had that much love to give you and you never loved me even one half the amount I did you.”

I’m bitter because I’m still in pain // What I want to say {m.a}

#excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #maddiswritings #unrequited love #break up #spilled ink poetry #fwb #TS

[tornskinwriting]

"I want one, just one, person who wants to stick around. I'm so tired of being lonely."

They always leave in the end // What I want to say {t.s}

#unrequited love #heartbreak #spilled poetry #love #quote from a book i'll never write #unrequited feelings #heartache #maddiswritings #spilled feelings

[tornskinpoetry]

"I wish I didn't love as hard as I do. I wish I didn't always have to feel the heartache for the both of us"

To all my former lovers // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #unrequited love #spilled ink poetry #break up

[tornskinpoetry]

"Why did you devote all that energy and attention to me if you knew you didn't even want to try to make our situation work?"

I know I'm being selfish but I really wanted a chance // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #unrequited love #spilled ink poetry #break up #AL #love that never was #i miss you

[tornskinpoetry]

“I’m terrified at the thought of losing you. Your humor, your kindness, generosity. I don’t know how to ask you for what I want and I’m scared you’ll say you can’t give me what I need to be happy and feel secure. That you’ll say it’s better off if we don’t see each other anymore. I’ll lose that little bit of you that I have now. I’ll have to face your friends around campus when I see them again in a couple weeks and I’ll be exactly where I was when I left campus last time. Without you in my life.”

I’m sobbing because I know it has to end // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #unrequited love #spilled ink poetry #break up #unrequited feelings #excerpt from a book that i'll never write #theboyilove #heartbreak #AL

[tornskinpoetry]

“It feels strange not to want. To not have a person I feel like I physically need. To not feel like I am missing a part of myself anymore.

Yet I close my eyes at night and I still wish for a now faceless body next to me. It’s almost lonelier now.”

Not feeling a longing pain does not mean I am happy // What I want to say {m.a)

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #thoughts #heart break #love #spilled ink poetry

[tornskinpoetry]

“You checked in on me. Only 6 months too late in my opinion. It’s not too hard to follow through on what you said you were going to do and show that you can have empathy for someone. It screams guilty guilty guilty the way even in checking up on my you were hesitant. Hearing from you after I’d already moved on cut to the bone a wound that had been long healed. Yes I’m doing better. Yes I get why you reached out you said you would. But for me it feels like you are only now seeking forgiveness and closure that the distraction she brought you is gone. I’ve been aware for months now that what we had was over. I don’t need the closure from you. I found closure myself in my comfort music, and my tears and my plants and candles.

You’re treating me like a situation that needs to be handled. It’s too much like you’re trying to smooth things over that staying friends would iron out all the wrinkles and make your life easier. It feels fake and forced the way we are now. Like all the memories and emotions from the past can stay neatly behind us. I don’t know why you feel the need to reach out now. But I am doing better. Yes I’m doing better I don’t need the closure you seek for yourself.“

How closure fits my life // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #heart break #thoughts #break up #mr #taylor swift #closure #anger #frustration

[tornskinpoetry]

"So there it is, just as I thought would happen you got to know me and now you want to leave. It's nothing new anymore don't worry darling. I'm used to it but I'm beginning to wonder if that's the problem. I don't want it to hurt so I keep my distance don't let you get to know me you feel the space and move on."

I always care though even though I know I can't change it // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #heart break #love #thoughts #spilled ink poetry #break up #spilled ink #unrequited love #NR

[tornskinpoetry]

“We were never meant to be more than we were. We both needed that comfort from someone else

We wouldn’t have survived a relationship”

Comments on what could have been // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #spilled ink poetry #ldm #you’re gonna go far

[tornskinpoetry]

“My mind keeps flipping back to the moment I first set my eyes on you. You were fixing your hair. You looked a little nervous. My stomach was practically in my feet, and I could feel every bit of my skin tingling. I barely was able to get the front door open before we were hugging. It felt so good to finally feel you against me. From that moment I didn’t want to let go. You were finally real.

You were in my room. In my space. Hands on my shoulders. Hazel eyes. Freckled face. You listened while I talked to you about something you had no interest in I’m sure. But you were there it was finally real.

On the edge of my bed side by side I made you kick off your shoes. I wanted to kiss you right then. I felt that pull the one where I wanted to kiss you but I didn’t know how quite yet and I moved away. You lay down with me. I tried to kiss you. I was ready. You pulled away. You didn’t let me. But then you pulled my face back to yours and kissed me. Your lips on mine - my heart racing. It finally felt real.

Just a week later and when I look at the photos of you, you don’t feel real anymore. Only memories exist. But even they are becoming less convincing. Did it even happen? Did I ever even touch you? What did you feel like under my fingers? How gentle was your touch? What does it feel like to be pressed up against you? What do your lips taste like? Did you ever really care? Or were you filling a void that she once filled with me? It doesn’t feel real.”

How could it have been real? // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #unrequited love #break up #MR #spilled ink poetry

[tornskinpoetry]

"You're back. I don't know how I feel about it. I'm sad for you that it didn't work out with her. In the same thought though I can't say I don't feel a little gleeful and self-satisfied that the reason you left ended up failing. But at the same time, it no longer feels the same to have you back. I don't know if I want you in my life anymore if it's not going to feel the same. I know it never will because I don't think I could ever go back to what was knowing how quickly and easily you left the first time. I also don't know how to talk to you anymore. I used to be able to say whatever was on my mind to you and ask you any questions but now I find myself rereading texts time and time again before hitting send and wanting to call to ask you questions but I no longer feel like I can. I want that ease again and the comfort that came with it. I don't think that space exists for us anymore.”

Almost lovers // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #spilled ink poetry #break up #MR

[tornskinpoetry]

“I didn’t love you. I couldn’t love you. I didn’t know you.

I knew you. I’d met you. For two years. On and off. But I didn’t know you.

There were moments I thought I loved you. I thought it was a crush. Maybe it could be more.

I could text you while heart broken from whatever new guy I’d been with and you’d come right over. I could just want company and you’d always be there but we never actually talked.

You sent me the photos from your family trip. It threw me so off guard. We never talked. Why now? The beginning of the end for us.

I should have known then. But I didn’t want to see what would make this hard. Now you’re gone and I didn’t get my closure.

I wish I had gotten to love you. But now you’re off. Gone to you’re new adventure. To be the amazing person I saw in you but could never love.”

To the boy who was there for me whenever I needed him: I love you Luc thank you for everything, for the experiments, for the learning about who I am, and for teaching me what I love about myself// What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #spilled ink poetry #goodbye my love #ldm #thank you Luc D Metevier for being the truest love I could have had while at UMASS #so glad you’ll never see this #i wish i could have not felt like this #we could have been #i shouldn't have been surprised

[tornskinpoetry]

"I wish you were actually putting effort into this. I wish you wanted to make this work. Everyday though you prove to me that you don't care, and I'm left like every other time caring about someone who can't and won't care about me." I really wanted to get a chance to love you // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #spilled ink poetry #unrequited love #break up #AL

[tornskinpoetry]

"My friends notice that the way I talk about you is different. Other men made me bitter, some made me angry, some left me hopeful and then took that hope away, but you just left me sad. The only thing I feel is sadness, disappointment in your ex returning. Disappointment that there was never enough time for you to have fallen deep enough in love with me that you would have ever considered me over her. And yes while I shit talked others in the past there is something different in the way I loved you. There is something different in the way you cared for me. You met my needs. You showed me what it can be like. I never had to ask for what I wanted. You were already there giving me it. This is why I cannot talk badly of you because you did not do anything bad to me. You just didn't want me. And there are plenty of people I have not wanted and I hope they don't resent me for that choice I made, so how could I resent you for yours. There is also the hope that maybe, unlikely, someday in the future if you were ever to come back into my life that I want them to not dislike you."

I know that likelihood is small // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpts from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled thoughts #spilled ink poetry #break up #broken heart #MR

[tornskinpoetry]

"My therapist says its okay that I love quickly and fall fully, that when it really is the person I am meant to be with that they deserve me to be able to love them like that. It really doesn't feel that way in the moments where it hurts though. In those moments I wish I had held back, wish I had focused more on a persons flaws, didn't allow myself to be so entranced that I ignore the other people in my life. I know one day I'll find a love that's meant to be but for now I'll wallow in the hurt, go home and cry in my moms arms for the first time since I was a kid, feel nauseous passing the spot I first saw you every day, and maybe next time I'll have learned something from this."

I don't regret a moment with you but the memories do hurt // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #quote from a book i'll never write #unrequited love #lonely #heartbroken #excerpt from a book that i'll never write #sad feelings #MR

[tornskinpoetry]

“I wish the end of us had meant something more to me than it did. I felt hurt - sure - but I had expected to feel more. I wish in the end you meant more. You were fine. You were nice. But you were never really interested. I could feel it. And in a way I feel bad. I used you to try to hurt someone else which I don’t think I was effective in the end. I knew you and I were never set to last. It’s just a shame it happened so fast.”

I feel bad but I don’t think I’ll miss you // What I want to say {m.a}

#maddiswritings #excerpt from a book i'll never write #quote from a book i'll never write #spilled ink #love #heart break #thoughts #unrequited love #spilled ink poetry #break up #unrequited feelings #excerpt from a book that i'll never write #poets on tumblr #poetry #heartbreak #AL