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masterwords · 8 months

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it's here in the ashes

Summary: Sam Cooper was many things. He was an exemplary leader, an intuitive field agent, a brilliant mind. He was a calm presence amid a raging storm, someone who always knew what to say and when to say it...but more importantly, when to keep quiet. He was many things, but if you asked Hotch he’d probably just say that Sam Cooper was a great friend. This is just a snapshot of that friendship. (Coda to 5x01, my usual haunting ground)

Pairing: None (but you could say Hotch/Morgan...it's heavily implied but not explicitly said, basically just like canon)

Words: 5.6k

Warnings: religious (christian) overtones, church, stab wounds, medication, pain (post foyet stabbing y'know y'know)

Notes: I've wanted to write more about Hotch & Sam's friendship. Sam, if you don't remember, is from 5x18 - The Fight and the Unit Chief of the Red Cell team in the spinoff Suspect Behavior. I'll probably start a whole series dedicated to all these one-off characters that are so beloved to me so they're all in one place. Hotch needs friends, yo. And anyway, he's so cute with Cooper that I really need to explore more of that.

No one came to see him after he was released from the hospital.

The team were busy, they sent texts and more than once take-out meals so he didn’t have to cook, but no one came by. He knew it probably had a lot more to do with him than them. He could picture Garcia worrying herself sick over whether to pop by to check on him or bring him a plate of cookies, and he could picture Dave telling her to do what she thought was best. Well, that resulted in a lot of well meaning texts and nothing more.

He was fine with that, too. He didn’t particularly want company. Didn’t much feel like conversation, like being under the watchful eye, like being pitied.

Jessica was coming by, out of some strict (and utterly insane if you asked Hotch) sense of duty more than anything. She was angry at him for sure, angry and indignant but she helped him change his bandages and made sure he took his medications. “For Jack,” she muttered when he asked her one particularly bad night why she insisted on showing up every single day when he knew she didn’t want to be there. When he knew she had better things to do. Her neighbor was feeding her cat so she could clean up wounds on a man she could barely stand to look at. “Because he’s going to need a dad to come home to. Now swallow the damn pill and go to sleep.”

Her anger lasted about a week. She never had managed to focus on one thing for very long – her fire burned hot and fast. She’d picked him up from the hospital and brought him home, and for that whole week she was frustrated and short with him, asking him why he didn’t just call his mother or Sean to come and help because he was more or less incapable of just about every activity of daily living. He stubbornly maintained he could do it on his own, and for what it was worth, he did. Not well, and he definitely shouldn’t have been doing any of it, but he didn’t see as he had much choice in the matter. She knew it too, and that fact alone kept her coming back to check, afraid one day she’d show up and find him face down on the floor bleeding out. So, it was a week of burning anger and then slowly it melted into something not so hot. Not so sharp. She began sitting with him for an hour, turning on the TV or cleaning his bathroom, asking how he was feeling with more than just a clinical interest. Remembering that she did love him too, in spite of his rampant stupidity. In spite of his...well everything about him.

But he didn’t seem to make any real progress toward rejoining the living until Sam Cooper showed up on his doorstep.

“Hi,” he said, extending his hand to Jessica with the bright smile of someone who sleeps and eats and works out at regular, healthy intervals. Something foreign at the moment to both she and Hotch who had more or less become couch potatoes. She was eating enough for two (there were a lot of feelings to be stuffed into a bowl of cereal that quickly became two bowls at 10pm whens he couldn’t sleep), he wasn’t eating at all (meds and pain and stubborn refusal to do anything that resembled living). It wasn’t a great situation. “I’m Sam, a friend from work.”

“Sam Cooper,” she said with a tired smile. “I’ve heard stories. I’m Jessica.”

“Right. Ex-wife’s sister?”

“That’s the one. Do you need something from him? He’s asleep right now.”

Sam smiled again and shrugged. He carried himself with such a laid back swagger that she couldn’t help the way her own shoulders loosened in his presence. “Nah. I just wanted to check up on him. Thought I’d give it a week or so for him to be home before I came knocking. He can be a little skittish.”

“Oh, yeah, well...why don’t you come in? I’m sure he’d love to see you. Or anyone really that isn’t me barking at him.”

“Has he had many visitors?”

“Well counting you and me...two.”

Sam nodded and clasped his hands behind his back, fingers gently pulling at the prayer beads he kept around his wrist as he took in the apartment. He’d been here more than once, helped Hotch move a few boxes here and there. More to check up on him, support him through his time of need than actual help – he’d had movers do most of the heavy lifting. Ultimately the place didn’t look much different but it felt different. It felt wrong. He could see Foyet there by the washer, feel his presence as he got to know the intimate details of Hotch’s place while he was away...how long was he here? Did he leave anything behind?

The apartment smelled stale but clean, closed windows and bleach. There were banker boxes piled up where he supposed a china hutch or some nice piece of furniture might look better, and there were case files covering a table that was more for show than for eating. He thought about Jack, wondered if he might find some renegade legos stashed beneath the couch or a crayon on a bookshelf. He wondered if Foyet went into Jack’s room, if he dug through Hotch’s entire life while he was away.

“That’s about what I expected,” he said finally, as if coming out of a long trance.

“Really? I honestly thought that his team would be here all the time. The way he is about them, you know? That they’d be hanging around and getting him to work and…”

“I talked to Agent Morgan this morning before I made the decision to come by. He said he’s been texting with Hotch every day but he’s afraid of opening up too many lines of communication because Hotch needs to rest and heal, and his instinct is always to pour himself into work as quickly as possible.”

“So they’re protecting him from himself by not coming? Is that what they think they’re doing?” She couldn’t mask her disgust. He gave up his marriage for them and they couldn’t even bother stopping by to check on him.

“I said that’s what Morgan said. I don’t know about the rest of them, don’t really know ‘em. Morgan comes and works out in my gym every day. How is he?”

“Well. He’s lonely and grouchy. In a lot of pain and pretty angry about it.”

“How long have you been here?”

“All morning. I practically live here now.”

Sam continued his pass through inspection of Hotch’s place and frowned at the spot on the carpet that was covered by an out of place looking rug. Jessica wouldn’t look at it. “That’s where...I guess they couldn’t get the stain out…I brought a rug from my place. I know it’s stupid, putting that there. It’s a bath mat, it looks silly it’s just…they said it would be a couple of weeks before they could get someone out to replace that spot with new carpet.”

“You should go, take some time to yourself. Have some lunch, a nap, something. I’ll handle him when he wakes up.”

She scrunched her nose and he had the distinct impression that she’d known Hotch a long time, a very long time, and through her aloof exterior she cared very much and maybe didn’t want to leave. She was protective of him, that was for sure.

“If you want,” he followed it up with a cautious smile. “I only want to help.”

That made her features soften into a halfway smile. “I could use a shower.”

Sam busied himself by putting away all of Hotch’s case files, clearing off his table. It was a task Jessica had mentioned wanting to do but not knowing where to start. “I think he just leaves them there because they make him feel something. He doesn’t do anything with them. I covered a few up because the pictures were…” she shook her head in disbelief. “I covered them up. That probably makes me a terrible person.”

“You said they’re going to be a couple of weeks on the carpet replacement?”

“Yeah. I couldn’t let him come out here and see that every day. And I know it sounds stupid because they cleaned it really well but if I can see it...I feel like I can smell it.”

“Doesn’t sound stupid. I can smell it. I’m going to make some calls, we can get that taken care of.”

“They said that it got into the sub floor and all of the padding, the whole thing has to be replaced. He was there...it was…”

“I understand. I’ll take care of it.”

Sam’s presence was calming to her, and when she finally slung her purse over her shoulder and left she felt almost at peace for the first time in a week. (Had it only been a week since he’d been home from the hospital? It felt like a century, and maybe it was when you measured it in calculated breaths and medication timers and bandage changes.)

By the time Hotch was shuffling down the hallway with all the grace of a starved zombie, not the 28 Days Later kind but the long suffering Romero zombies, Sam had tidied up all of the files and moved himself on to perusing the bookshelves until he found something that was just dull enough to stare at until his friend woke. He didn’t want to get engaged in anything, he wanted something easily cast aside. Something that would hold his attention with only the lightest grip. Hotch’s book collection had plenty to offer in that regard.

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Sam said with an easy smile, setting the book open-faced on his thigh. Hotch stared at him, unblinking, sleepy-eyed, pale and worn like an old bed sheet hung out to dry. He’d seen Hotch in plenty of bad situations but he’d never seen him so listless, so drained. So empty.

“Where’s Jessica?” he croaked in a voice that hadn’t been used for much more than moaning or complaining in the last few days. Jessica said he didn’t string many words together, one or two was about the limit of his conversational skills – everything else was more or less a series of whines, whimpers or grunts.

“She needed a shower. I stopped by at the perfect time I guess.”

Hotch grunted his disapproval at being blindsided by a change in caretaker and resumed his shuffle toward the kitchen. Sam watched with some intrigue, wondering how capable he was of whatever he had set out to do. He knew damn well Hotch wasn’t going to ask him to help, and truthfully he thought it was probably better if Hotch did things for himself. He suspected that Jessica was doing more than necessary, either out of fear or guilt or love it didn’t matter.

It was a glass of water he was after, and he managed after a full minute of trying to figure out the best way to raise his arm (one side was easier than the other, it turned out) and then it looked like he was going to be sick after the first drink but he continued anyway. Sam watched with interest while Hotch seemed to forget he was there momentarily, hunching over at the sink, resting one hand against the ledge and dropping his head. Sam thought about stepping in, about asking if he could do anything to help, but he knew Hotch well enough to see the folly in that idea. He let Hotch come to him, instead. Slowly he made his way through the kitchen, eyes dragging with suspicion over his newly cleaned table. He didn’t like it. Sam didn’t care.

“Did you do this?” he asked, reaching out with one unsteady hand to grab hold of the back of a chair. It was as far as he could go, and he fell heavily into the seat with a barely contained groan.

“Looks like it smarts,” Sam said, ignoring Hotch’s question. He knew the answer anyway. When Hotch didn’t acknowledge his comment, he leaned forward, elbows on his knees and looked at him earnestly. “I know you don’t wanna hear it, and I’d rather not have to say it but I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“I know.”

“So you pushin’ everyone away who wants to help?”

“They have better things to do. Agent Reid is also out, they’re short staffed.”

“We’re pickin’ up the slack. I’m working with Rossi and Morgan to divert your case load. We got it.”

Hotch nodded appreciatively. “Thank you. I’m hoping to return within the month.”

At that, Sam laughed. Hotch didn’t find it amusing. “What?”

“A month?! Hotch. Come on. I saw the pictures and the hospital chart – now, now, don’t get your feathers all ruffled, Rossi asked me to take the lead on your case. He didn’t want anyone from the team doing it, and he was adamant that an outsider shouldn’t do it. I guess you could call this a professional visit…”

“Yeah?”

“Well. In a matter of speaking.”

At that Hotch smiled. Sort of. It was just a little twitch at the corner of his mouth but it was something, probably more than he’d done in a while. It looked unnatural and stiff. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet. I’ve got something I need you to do with me. You up for a walk?”

“Do I look up for a walk?”

“You look like a ghost. You can’t haunt this place forever. You need some good old fashioned vitamin D...come on. Three blocks.”

Hotch knew where they were going, and he wanted to protest. Not for any real reason in particular, he’d been thinking of going himself. He loved it for the same reason Cooper did – it was peaceful there. Quiet. He could sit and hear himself think without the echoes and ghosts in his apartment, or he could sit and do nothing but stare up into the light refracted through brilliantly colored stained glass windows and marvel at the way that made him feel.

Small, it made him feel small. That’s what he’d tell Sam, if asked. And no, that wasn’t bad. In fact, as the world swirled around him, as his team texted him and people whose names he barely knew delivered flowers and baskets of well-wishes and foods he wouldn’t or couldn’t eat (but his neighbors would, and Jessica would) all he wanted was to feel small and insignificant again. Foyet had robbed him of many things, and right now if he could just feel small he might be able to see his way into the next day and the day after.

“You know where I’m taking you,” Cooper said, affecting a slow pace. Much slower than his usual clip, and still it wasn’t really slow enough for Hotch’s sluggish body. His bones were heavy, poured with concrete. He wasn’t really walking so much as dragging himself down the sidewalk. It was a strange lumbering walk, no real grace to it, stiff hipped and hunched at the shoulders. “You know exactly where we’re going.”

“I do,” Hotch replied, pushing his hands deep into the pockets of his jacket to hide their tremble. They shook a lot lately, maybe medication side effects, maybe nerve damage, maybe just that he was scared and hungry and sick all the time. The reason mattered very little to him anymore. It just was.

“Have you been already?”

“No.”

Cooper hummed and slowed his pace one click more, a welcome reprieve. Hotch slowed to match and took a deep breath.

Three blocks, only three blocks, but Cooper stopped and took a seat on a bench beside the bus stop a little over a block into the walk and Hotch followed. They didn’t speak while they sat, just stared across the street and watched the little coffee shop ebb and flow with the day’s patrons. Children being dragged in by their parents while they prattled about something that was very important to them and of little import to the parents on a mission for caffeine. A couple holding hands. A group of school aged girls. Some of Hotch’s neighbors, elderly couples that had formed a sort of walking group in the last few months. He’d joined them once or twice after being badgered relentlessly at the mailboxes for being a shut in. The problem, he told them, was that he spent so little time in his home that he desired the luxury of being a shut in. Still, he did need coffee so he reluctantly agreed.

After a few minutes, Cooper looked at Hotch expectantly and stood.

They made it to the church without saying another word, and Hotch stopped at the base of the steps and turned his whole face toward the sky. He stared at the steeple as it rose into the clouds, touched the heavens. He sucked in one quick breath and grabbed the railing before hoisting himself up one step at a time like he was climbing Mount Everest.

The last time he’d come, it was Easter. He had Jack’s little hand in his, it was his holiday weekend and they didn’t have a case. It wasn’t his first choice of holidays to have his son, but Haley wanted Thanksgiving and Christmas and since those are family holidays and Hotch didn’t care for spending much time in the company of his own, he’d taken Halloween and Easter. Well, that had been almost half a year before and he’d walked by these steps plenty of times and thought about coming in but he never did. There was plenty of guilt associated with that, just add it to the pile of guilt he lived with over everything else in his life.

It was creeping up on October now, and he knew in his heart that he wouldn’t get to have Halloween with his son. He might never get another holiday again – did he appreciate Easter for what it was? Maybe the last? He didn’t think so.

“Need some help?” Cooper asked when Hotch was halfway up. He shook his head and set his features with determination.

“I’ve got it.”

“Good.”

Hotch would have been content to sit in the back pew and stare silently forward, he had the best view of everything from there but Sam moved toward the front and he followed. This was Cooper’s adventure, after all. He’d done nothing but wake up and go to sleep, exist in a medicated half-life for a week now and if this was the way to regain his life...well he was willing to try it.

“It’s peaceful,” Sam said sitting down. Hotch took the seat beside him, close but not too close. Sam scooted closer to him, until their shoulders touched and he leaned himself back casually. Like this was his sofa at home and they were all set to watch the football game. “You made it.”

“Did you doubt me?”

Sam smiled. “I did, actually. You look like a man who hasn’t walked more than twenty steps in a week.”

“I am. I guess it’s like riding a bike.” He found that the smile he offered Sam wasn’t forced this time, and that lightened the tight feeling in his chest some. It was amazing the power some people held. That just Sam’s presence and faith in him, in his ability to still be the same man he was a week ago, would almost make him believe it too. Sam had always had that effect on him.

“Can I ask you a question?”

His answer was always yes, but he hesitated for a moment and then nodded. “Sure.”

“Did they ask you if you wanted to head up a Red Cell? Before they gave it to me? You were the natural choice.”

That wasn’t the question Hotch had imagined he would ask, but now it made sense. He was thinking about Foyet, about how all of this transpired and wondering if Hotch had any regrets about being so visible. About heading up the A team when he could have gone under the radar.

“They did.”

“And you said no?”

“I did.”

Sam leaned forward, fingering the prayer beads now dangling from his hands. Hotch watched in a sort of trance, the way his thumbs moved over the beads was rhythmic and enthralling. Hypnotic.

“Why? You like the red tape or what?”

He was in a church, and as such, he felt compelled not to let a lie dance on his tongue. Not to entertain those types of thoughts. Sam deserved his honesty. “I need rules. I need the red tape, even if I mean to fight against it sometimes. I need checks and balances. Sometimes I’m afraid of what might happen if I don’t have them.”

Sam could respect that answer, but then, he found it wasn’t hard to respect most of the things Hotch said or did. He needed rules because he feared his own darkness, and knowing what he did about Hotch’s past it made sense to him. Still, knowing Hotch as well as he did, he expected that he’d do just fine without the red tape...he didn’t trust himself, but he should.

“Do you regret it?”

“You mean do I regret it now that I’ve been victimized by the very thing I just said I needed?” That had been on Hotch’s mind. The rules. Arrest Foyet for what he did, make it right. Do what Shaugnessey didn’t, you hunt him and you catch him. But then...how long did that last? And was playing by those rules just playing into Foyet’s hand? This cycle was endless and it was killing him slowly, seeping from him what little sleep his exhausted body would allow him. And now he waited to see if Foyet killed again, and worse, who it was if he did. He was watching, Hotch knew that much. So was the FBI, he knew that too. There was a car parked on his block 24/7 with some poor low level Agent sent on an endless mission to stare at his apartment building as if Foyet would come back there. And were he and Cooper followed down here to the church? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe Cooper cleared this whole adventure before even showing up.

“Not exactly, but sure. That’s where your mind went, I’d love to follow that rabbit down the hole. Assume I mean it that way. Do you regret it?”

“I hadn’t really considered it. Truth be told, I haven’t thought about much except that night.”

“Would you like to talk about it?”

“Absolutely not.”

Sam laughed. He did so with his whole body. “Fair enough. Morgan said you weren’t talking to anyone about it. But you know, you will have to talk to me about some of it...at some point. I am the official Case Agent.”

“How much have you spoken with Morgan?”

“Everything I just said and that’s what you take from it? Are you jealous?”

Hotch frowned, not sure how to answer that. Especially in a church with a man holding prayer beads. He trusted Sam Cooper implicitly, but his stomach lurched painfully.

“I’m teasing,” Sam said, as if Hotch didn’t catch that part. “He comes by my office every day. He’s struggling, Hotch.”

“Comes by your office for what?”

Sam definitely detected a hint of something in Hotch’s voice that sounded like jealousy. Not the kind that holds hands with suspicion or anger, just the kind that makes bedroom eyes at hope and despair.

“He’s coming to work out. To blow off steam. I’ve been training him in Kali, if you must know. He needs an outlet.”

Hotch smiled at that. “Better him than me.”

“You’re next.”

“I’m not cleared for strenuous activity or lifting more than 5lbs for at least the next three weeks...sorry.”

“I’ll mark it on my calendar. You need to double down on your hand to hand training.”

That didn’t sit well with Hotch and Sam could tell he’d crossed a line, if only unintentionally. He hadn’t lost the battle with Foyet because he couldn’t fight hand to hand, Foyet had the element of surprise and a gunshot that deafened and disoriented him. He had it all planned out.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply you could have done anything to prevent what happened. The man was in your home waiting for you, there was nothing more you could have done than what you did. You stayed alive.”

A woman’s voice echoed from somewhere above them, and then a man’s voice followed. Nothing more than sound waves bouncing off of statues and stained glass, not real words, but Hotch’s attention was drawn to the origin of the sound and he felt the hot sting of tears welling up in his eyes. Sam placed one hand on Hotch’s shoulder and the prayer beads fell against his chest, making a small wooden rattling sound that he felt deep in his bones.

“You stayed alive, Aaron. Maybe that’s why I brought you here. I nearly lost a friend, and I’m eternally grateful that I didn’t.”

“Why?” Hotch rasped around the thick feeling of emotion choking him. Why did Foyet want to keep him alive? Why had Foyet chosen him? There were no answers he could find in any of those files. Nothing he could use to make sense of what happened – what Foyet did to him, the parts that were in the file and the parts that wouldn’t be. The parts he remembered and the parts he didn’t.

“That information is above my pay grade, I’m afraid.”

“Has Strauss said anything to you?”

“You know she doesn’t want anything to do with me, not since the Director said my team reports directly to him. She felt slighted and I don’t blame her but I sure am glad. She asked me to help your team out. That’s about where it ended.”

“I think she’s hoping I won’t return. That I won’t pass a physical.”

Sam hummed and stood, beckoning for Hotch to follow him back out into the sunlight. “You’ll pass. I’ll make sure of it. I just need you to do something for me.”

“What’s that?”

“Call Morgan.”

Hotch looked at the stairs and grunted, reaching out for the railing. It was hot, the sun had baked it in the time they were inside and it burned against his palm as his fingers curled around it.

“For what?”

“Check up on him. Ask him how things are going. Ask him to meet you for dinner at that restaurant you both like, the little pho place across town.”

“I’m not cleared to drive.” It was a pitiful excuse, weak and lacking all feeling. He would drive if he had to.

Sam took Hotch’s arm and helped him down the long bank of stairs, much harder to maneuver down when he was tired than it had been to get up. His legs felt like jelly and more than once he nearly tripped.

“Then invite him to your place for dinner. Surely you can order a pizza. Or are you just opposed to seeing him?”

“I’m not...opposed...I’m just…”

Sam stopped and turned Hotch toward him. Anyone looking from the street might get the wrong idea. It would be easily read as a moment from a Hallmark romance.

“You need him, and he needs you. If you think that his opinion of you has somehow changed because of what happened, I’d say you’re not giving him enough credit.”

Hotch didn’t have a response to that, but the look on Sam’s face and the way he continued to lead him down the stairs and back to the apartment told Hotch it wasn’t necessary. It was food for thought, not a set up for an argument. His beads were in his pocket now, the outline could be seen against the denim, and Hotch noticed that Sam checked his watch. It was the third or fourth time he’d done that since they sat in the pews. He’d noted it as odd, but his mind was too hazy to focus for any length of time on small details like that. Now he was suspicious.

“Are you late for something?” Hotch asked, staring ahead at his building as it loomed. Grew closer, larger, the thought of his couch and his bed growing in strength. His legs burned like he’d run a marathon. It was amazing how quickly physical status changed, how fast he could go from peak performance to broken.

“Right on schedule,” he said, slowing his pace a little and smiling. Hotch didn’t trust it. Something was happening. Something outside of his control, just like everything else lately.

Sam held the door of the building open to him, and Hotch entered with some apprehension. Something was waiting for him and he didn’t know what but he didn’t enjoy surprises. And Sam knew that. It didn’t seem to matter.

The door wasn’t locked. Hotch frowned. He knew he’d locked it on the way out.

“Trust me,” Sam said, nudging the door open. Hotch just stared at him, wondering what was going on and not liking anything his mind came up with. “I asked Jessica to come back to let a friend in. Don’t worry.”

Don’t worry. His apartment was broken into just a short time ago, a blink of an eye, and Sam says don’t worry. Hotch found he had a few issues with that statement, but Sam smiled at him and he had no choice but to try.

It was Derek, Hotch knew it right away. Before he saw him. The minute he stepped into the doorway he could smell Derek’s cologne.

Derek was in his apartment, on his hands and knees, smoothing out the last of a piece of carpet with a seam roller. The stained piece was lying nearby along with the discarded pad, the last real physical reminder of what happened that could be removed and replaced. The rest Hotch would carry with him forever as a part of him, there was no seam roller that could smooth the edges of Foyet’s masterpiece. Hotch stopped short and found it hard to breathe at the sight. Sam just nudged him inside so he could shut the door before helping him to the couch. It was clear that the day’s outing had exhausted him, a sad thing to witness in a man who was previously fit enough to give just about anyone a run for their money. One night, one man’s evil and it was all undone. For how long, Sam didn’t know. Couldn’t tell. One minute Hotch seemed motivated to bounce back and the next he seemed too far gone. Still, he had faith.

And that faith started here, with Derek. That’s all Sam knew for certain. These two, they’d always been tied together. Hotch was Hotch and Derek was Derek, but when they were together they were unstoppable. Derek would make Hotch want to come back, that was the simple truth.

“I ordered you a pizza, it’ll be here in twenty minutes. Let me take that to the dumpster on my way out.” Sam indicated the stained carpet remnants eagerly. Derek balked but eventually decided to hand it to him, brushing his hands on the thighs of his paint stained jeans when it was out of his hands. Like he was wiping Hotch’s blood from his palms. “Hope you like Vito’s.”

“Rossi would kill you for ordering from them.”

Sam laughed and nodded. “I suppose that’s true. He can come by my office if he has a problem with my pizza choices. He knows where to find me.” Slowly, Sam turned to look at Hotch who was solemn on the couch. Trying to reawaken himself or settle himself, it was hard to tell. “You too. Three weeks, it’s on my calendar.”

“How’s it look?” Derek asked, the first thing he’d said to Hotch since they showed. He was looking pointedly at Hotch, and in that moment Sam decided to slip out silently. Hotch noticed but turned to look at the carpet, knowing Sam would rather not have any fuss about him leaving. His work was done, but they both knew he’d be back. Probably a lot. He was the Case Agent, after all. Hotch’s return to duty was securely in his hands.

“It looks…” he said quietly, searching for the word. He didn’t have one. Maybe one didn’t exist. Was there a word in the English language (or any really) that said what he felt looking at that spot and knowing what had happened there but not having to see it anymore? “Thank you.”

Derek grinned and nodded, beginning to pick up the tools he’d set all around his workspace. They hit the old metal toolbox, the top engraved with the initials HM, with a crash. Metal on metal as he tossed them into place – he’d organize it all later. Right now, he had to clean up. They had pizza coming, and he was about three days overdue for sleep, but he was here in Hotch’s apartment and that was exactly where he wanted to be. Where he needed to be.

“I’ll take it.” He kicked the toolbox out of the way and admired his work for a moment before letting out a contented little sigh. “I’m gonna go hop in the shower. I’ll be out before the pizza gets here.”

“Derek?” Hotch whispered, clamping his hands over his knees. He made eye contact with Derek and held it earnestly. “Thank you for coming.”

“Ah, don’t mention it. There was pizza involved and I didn’t have to cook or buy. Easy decision.” He paused after grabbing his go bag, filled with something clean to wear and toiletries, and smiled. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too.”

#aaron hotchner #sam cooper #derek morgan #criminal minds #hotchgan #criminal minds fanfiction #jessica brooks

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the-lady-hestia · 5 months

Text

Alright spoilers for the final Dr Who special

HERES MY THOUGHTS ON THE GIGGLE AND FINAL RANKINGS FOR ALL THE 60TH ANNIVERSARY SPECIALS!!

Bi-generation

Oh boy

I spent a while trying to write this, but every time I came to a complaint, I realized that the story kind of set it up in a way. All that to say, this review was originally going to be a lot harsher, but I found some justifications for the things I had complaints about.

In general, I like the episode. It’s a goofy romp where Neil Patrick Harris is a cosmic-scale nut job while David Tennant looks on in horror. It’s fun. It is not, however, a good ending to a series of specials let alone ANNIVERSARY specials. It doesn’t feel like an ending. The ending doesn’t feel emotionally resolved (that’s the thesis statement right there)

Throughout the episode, the doctor is constantly reminded that he has always had to move on. He always has to leave his friends. Between meeting the classic companion Mel, to the Toymaker giving him basically a slideshow of all the people who have died because of him and his actions.

And so the story compliments this with an ending where the doctor doesn’t have to leave. The pattern breaks. The doctor stays.

Aaaaaand he also doesn’t. At the same time.

I feel like the same effect could have been reached without splitting the doctor in half. Now there’s two doctors. How the hell are you gonna manage that? The Timeless Child shit is definitely cannon so now there’s two cosmic super beings AND two Tardis’s (Tardices? Whatever the plural of Tardis is) in existence.

I was emotionally prepared to say goodbye to David Tennant as the doctor but now the story feels unresolved. Instead of the heartwarming ending they were going for, it feels like this was just concentrated fan-service intended to lead into a spinoff series and encourage fanfiction writers to fill in the gaps (I will say, the Doctor calling Rose his niece was very sweet. He does finally get a family and that is undeniably nice)

SO! Corrections:

I think the same emotional effect (if not more of an emotional effect) could have been achieved if 14 didn’t actually die in that confrontation. Maybe the resolution of his story is that The Doctor decided that, for a while, he does stick around. Maybe we get a montage of domestic Doctor. He still gets his family and he still gets to resolve all his emotional baggage, just without the Bi-generation nonsense. When Ncuti takes over we get a Doctor that is ready to start traveling again (remember, 15 isn’t going to have this emotional catharsis. He left without confronting his baggage. He’s still fucked up, but I don’t feel like the writers are gonna acknowledge that) And then, after some time has passed, maybe the David Tennant body “wears a bit thin” and he regenerates the normal way (that’s how Hartnell regenerated, I feel like it would be fitting with this whole “new era of Doctor Who” shit they’ve got going on plus the Toymaker is a villain from Hartnells run, the themes are themeing)

Other than that, pretty fun episode. Kate Stewart slays. Shirley continues to be a bad bitch keeping the doctor on his toes. The tease for the Master at the end was fun, always a blast to see that lunatic. Overall, I give The Giggle a 6.5/10. Passable episode with a truly nonsense ending (and not the fun kind of nonsense)

Final ratings for all the specials:

The Star Beast: 8/10

Wild Blue Yonder: 9.5/10 (this might be one of my favorite episodes of Doctor Who ever)

The Giggle: 6.5/10

I do still love RTD. The man wrote some of my favorite stories in all of fiction. I’m very optimistic about this coming season of the show. I think Ncuti Gatwa has charisma coming out his ears so he’ll be fantastic. My pie in the sky dream is that it’s so good that it makes me forget about all this weird shit and hanging plot threads. Here’s hoping!

#doctor who #dr who #doctor who spoilers #DW spoilers #dr who spoilers #David Tennant #Donna noble #ncuti gatwa #DW #catherine tate #the giggle

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fxreflyes · 4 months

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ahhh I just saw you already answered, damn these time zones!! can u please tell me about the fic your most excited to write in that case???

hi bel!!!!! <333333 (i am so sorry for the v late reply, the brain fog today has been v real) the time zones are truly horrid, im so sad to be 8 hrs behind u :'(

i think i have talked abt all of my fics so far, which is making me feel like I need more wips HAHA (I do not need more) so i will talk once more abt the one i currently have my word doc open to!! (i think you already saw a post abt it im sorry!!) (summary ask here) (snippet ask here) but it's called hand in hand with the living dead and it is basically all angst. it is sirius suicide fic & he becomes a ghost & meets remus who is also a ghost!

a snippet for u!!

After a few minutes of fevered hacking, his hair lay around him in clumps. The razor clattered to the tile and Sirius was left shivering.

It was a long moment before he got to his feet.

When he met his gaze in the mirror of the motel bathroom, the hollows of his eyes carved two large shadows where his eyes should be, blood trickling from the nicks on his skull. He wiped away the blood on his cheek, and it smeared. He tried a smile, but it was all teeth, like a dog with his fangs bared.

If James could see him now.

im honestly hyperfixating on this one rn, but probably the 2 im ACTUALLY most excited about in general are my marauders clue au poor boy youre bound to die set in 1954 which i have rambled to u abt sorry 🙈 (summary ask here) and then the spinoff bloodlands which takes place in 1944 on the eastern front w reg, remus, evan & barty!! (summary ask here)

so here is a snippet from the next ch of poor boy you're bound to die under the cut!!

He would have been dead too, if not for a former Soviet guard by the name of Ivan Rosanov. Or, as he later became known, after absconding to France and assuming a new name and identity, Evan Rosier.

With a jaw that could take a punch and hair that could have rivalled the snow for pallor, Evan Rosier had had a comportment as icy as the tundra itself. It was only by the grace of some unfathomable higher entity, that Regulus happened to have fostered an odd friendship of sorts with the one man and one man alone who appeared able to crack that façade like a stick of dynamite colliding with a lake in midwinter.

It was for this reason that Regulus supposed he owed just as much credit to the incessant and unabashed flirting that his cell mate had engaged in as to the guard himself. If it hadn’t been for Barty Crouch Jr.’s dirty mouth and unflinching ability to suffer a beating, Regulus would have long since been a feast for the worms. That was if worms could survive the frigid conditions they had been in. He might have simply slowly decomposed on the ice without even serving the worthwhile purpose of being some critters tea-time snack. He supposed he was lucky that Evan had taken a shine to the way the blood looked smeared on Barty’s lips as he panted, in what even Regulus had to admit was an obscene way, as he was restrained in a chair as he was disciplined for some petty quip. The whole affair was rather sensual, and Regulus was amused and only a little surprised at Evan’s face coloring the faintest bit of red as Barty had turned to him and cooed “Do you like what you see, pretty boy?” right before getting smashed in the face by one of the Death Eaters for mouthing off, his blood and spit splattering through air.

#thank u for asking !!!!#💖💖💖💖#honestly I’m excited abt all or else I wldnt be doing this haha #bel tag #<33333 #fic asks

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silverloreley · 1 year

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One of the most tragic parts of the Fantaghirò fandom being so small that it’s functionally extinct is the lack of unhinged content. Like metas and AUs and fanmade spinoffs (there are so few! and so hard to find!) and, most importantly, it never emerged before the Fantaghirò/Romualdo/Tarabas poly. It’s always just two of them! But nope, it can 100% work as a poly, damn it! It practically writes itself!

Hear, I’ll have to say it now.

Romualdo is like, bisexual to the bone. He doesn’t even realize it, but we know. he fell in love with a pair of eyes and the only reason he panicked and needed to know they belonged to a woman was because same sex marriage was not a thing in his era and it was his only shot. But he’s the one who said Tarabas is handsome. Sure, Fantaghirò told him “you’re not ugly“, but Romualdo was the one who went all “damn, such a handsome man“. So yeah.

I don’t even need to say that Fantaghirò must have been a tiny bit in love with Tarabas by the end of the third movie, I think we all were. She wouldn’t give up on Romualdo, but if there was a chance to get both? Eh, I think the odds are good she’d take it.

And Tarabas basically knows nothing of love before the movies, I don’t think he knows that loving a man is an option for the same reason he didn’t know loving at all was an option for him. Give them enough time together and he’d totally fall for Romualdo just as hard as he fell for Fantaghirò, I swear.

When? Oh, well, since you asked (no one asked, it’s me talking to myself because I have too many ideas and I may forget them all by the time I am free enough to write them properly so I’m putting them down now and you can read them and add stuff if you want, okay?)

Third movie. All the stuff happens, but when Fantaghirò tells Romualdo all the story, he sort of goes “wait, so he’s out there alone?“ and tells her they should catch him before he gets too far, which she tries to prevent because sure he must be thinking they should punish him and stuff and starts an accorate defense at which Romualdo smirks more and more and says “you promised to marry him so we must“ “must what?“ “marry him“ and they happily go.

OR: A little more cunning and unhinged Fantaghirò hears Tarabas’ marriage proposal and doesn’t panic. She accepts quietly enough, making it all quicker, so by the time the storm twins come around to tell her the Black Witch walked back from their deal, they’re already married. And she doesn’t panic here either, she just looks at Tarabas and goes “well, what are we waiting for? we have to go save our husband“ in the sense that she totally decided they are now in a poly and Tarabas married both her and Romualdo (since, you know, she must have been married already at that time!) so they must go together, much to his confusion. And when she shows up in the kingdom with this tall scary wizard following her like a confused puppy no one quite beats an eyelash because, eh, that’s Fantaghirò, the woman who went around dressed like a man, with a goose in her satchel, befriended the White Witch and talks with her horse, what’s a wizard in all of this? So, yeah, Romualdo wakes up and finds himself with not just his wife but an adoptive daughter and a wizard husband who has no idea how to function like a regular person. He sort of takes pity of Tarabas (because yeah, he may be angry for about ten minutes but he’d listen to the whole story and he’s too kind to kick him out) and they navigate the strange arrangement a lot better than anyone, them included, could expect.

Or: Fantaghirò disappears at the beginning of the cursed fifth movie, right? So, obviously, Romualdo must have done everything he could to find her and that involved asking for Tarabas’ help who, uh, dropped Angelica in a corner and went (sorry, girl, I just don’t like you). Long trips all alone, adventures together, it sort of makes them closer and closer. And when they find Fantaghirò (who may or may not have been faking her attempts to love Aries, your pick), she sees what’s going on with half a glance and is actually happy she can keep them both (or three, if we want to add Aries. I’m partial to him, he’s a funny one although not as the main love interest here, he would have been perfect in another story).

And, okay this was unhinged, I’m going back to my corner.

#fantaghirò #cave of the golden rose #this was fun okay?

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silvertsundere · 10 months

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Silver Talks AniManga (25/06/23)

a new series and a finale today wao tho next week will be quite busy with 3 anime finales and 1 manga one and the 1 hour premier of the ryza anime let alone any stuff I might catch up to too since I'm on vacation from work, should be fun

blue - finale/completed green - new series/new to me

Anime

Megumin Ep12 (Finale)

I made a TLDR post about it the other day but the show is finally over. As I said a billion times since then, it should've ended after ep6, I felt like everything after that was very weak, especially ep9 when they were just cramming as many konosuba references as possible. As a disclaimer I don't like konosuba or find it funny, I find kazuma, aqua and darkness extremely annoying, tho I like megumin (even if the main show makes her a bit too dumb). "Oh why did you watch the spinoff if you don't like it then?" cause, again, I like megumin and I figured it being a spinoff prequel to the main show it'd be better since she wouldn't be such an idiot, and hey I WAS right the first 6 eps were really good, but as soon as her and yunyun left their village it started going downhill. but ANYWAY. Art/Animation: I know konosuba usually looks like ass but since this was a different studio and all I had some hope but I was wrong. now, it looks a lot better than konosuba but it's still barely animated, the only impressive thing was megumin's explosions but I mean, they better be right? Music: was alright I don't really remember anything to write home about, OP was alright as much as I'd like to praise it more cause I love machico and the ED was really good, always let it play every time Story: story was alright, I wish they stayed longer at the school/village or only arrived at the noob town in the last ep and spent more time traveling different places but oh well. finally the voice acting carried the show HARD. takarie and aki had great performances and stole the spotlight but a lot of the other charas were good too, fairouz ai as cecily and nazuka kaori as arue for example at the end, I wish I could say I liked it more but it simply isn't the case, oh well at least it wasn't a complete waste of time like some other stuff I've watched in the past

Idolmaster CG: U149 Ep11

holy moly amazingly good episode, just WOW, can't really make justice to how good it was with my words. tho I do wanna point out how early in the episode there's a long scene with absolutely no music or dialogue, only sound effects and it was really really good

Mashle Ep11

WOW there was ACTUALLY some sakuga in this anime that's crazy, honestly with how disappointing the anime has been visually, from the start I'd given up hope, I was like "well they'll just have sakuga at the end for the big fights right haha" and then when there wasn't any, even for the razor fight I lost all hope so I was extremely shocked when I saw a clip of the scene linked above getting posted. tho I highly doubt there's gonna be any in the finale, there's gonna be a fight but I don't remember it having anything impressive but anyway. finale next week, which is lining up with the manga finale so that's neat, it was also funny that the episode had the first instance of the victory dance pictured below, when it was also on this week's manga chap lol

Pokemon Horizons Ep12

new milf dropped let's goooo alright episode otherwise, some lore drops to set up the overall plot for the show which is traveling around to find the shiny ray and the rest of the party of this legendary adventurer guy, they found one in paldea and next they're going to galar so I'm guessing there's gonna be one per region, or at least an excuse to travel there, since they've been in 3 so far. tho, ep titles referenced iono in some weeks so they're gonna go back to paldea? we'll see how it goes

Jigokuraku Ep12

decent ep, action was p basic tho it's a cool fight and still better than a lot other stuff. I thought this ep was gonna cover the whole fight, including after daddy shion shows up but I was clearly wrong considering he showed up right at the end. looked at the manga again and now I think it's gonna end on ch44/45 with yuzuriha telling sagiri about ninja genjutsu and how gabimaru's wife might not be real and all that stuff, but honestly that depends on how fast they do the fight cause this ep ended at the end of ch40 so they'd need to do 3 chaps of fighting plus 1 of the aftermath at least... well we'll see how it goes next anyway. hopefully they also announce s2 p soon tho with s2 of jujutsu and csm too it'll prob be a while

Manga

Ice-Head Gill Ch1

the newest series, debuting on jump today. it was.... alright. I quite enjoy that it's based on norse mythology, not something you see often in manga but on the other hand I don't like how young the mc is. "oh but wsj is for kids it shouldn't be that weird" yes yes the same old tired argument, but he's even younger than the usual jump mcs. but anyway, not much to say about chap 1 tbh, the art's not impressive but it is solid and the designs are good, story is p simple, the kid had to flee his home cause supposedly his dad betrayed the kindgom and now after getting his hands into the dad's diary, he's setting off into the world to find him and stuff, p standard adventure manga type of stuff in the vein of red hood or ginka not that long ago, hopefully for the artist it can last longer than those but we'll see

Blooming Love Ch7

cute chap, it started off with them exchanging contacts after the date at the start (moving fast) and then the lad asking his friend for advice about texting since he's not used to it, culminating in him messaging her mistakenly instead of him.. been there brother

Dandadan Ch111

VERY cool chap, the first half had 0 speech bubbles focusing solely on the action, culminating on okarun finally arriving at the battlefield in a cool ass spread, after which the text bubbles started again, the final spread was vey cool too with our cast getting ready to finish up the aliens, really looking forward to next chap since it should be just a lot of cool action

Choujin X Ch38

not only was the chap 50 pages but it also had a TON of exposition so it felt extra long, it could've probably been cut into 2 separate chapters, at the halfway point when they go to the meeting, and we coulda had those chapters more spaced out instead of waiting a billion years for this huge one but oh well

Kaiju 8 Ch88

not much to say about this chap, was just the wrap up of the narumi fight and the start of the hoshina one tho I just wanted to be smug about saying it was gonna be hoshina next on the last chap, very pogged up for this fight I always like his style

ST☆R: Strike it Rich Ch5

nice chap, the rest of the "fight" with nozomi and hina was nice ending with this shot down here of hina lifting her with her leg monka. they also set up the next few opps for hina and hopefully they should last more than just 1 hit so looking forward to that

The Ichinose Family's Deadly Sins Ch30

haven't talked about ichinose in a while but it's just been floundering about, rehashing things over and over, we've only had some real developments the previous and this chap with the sota guy from the dream being revealed to be the older brother of the family. should be ending soon now (hopefully) since there's really not much else to cover so that's good

Kill Blue Ch10

uh oh, it's a bit early for you to be figuring that out isn't it? tho the series has been doing quite fine in ratings so I don't think it's heading to cancelation but help but think that when there's a development like this yknow

Witch Watch Ch114

good chap, I didn't expect to get a 1v1 battle arc so soon but I'm really looking forward to this now

Blue Box Ch106

very cute chap with taiki and natsu going back to school after their break and the tension that comes (mostly for taiki) from them hiding the fact they're dating. this is exactly the kinda stuff I was hoping for when they got together so I hope we can get a few more chaps like this. also it's good to see that despite this happening, they're both still focused on their respective sports and the series isn't throwing that to the wayside in favour of romance. tho miura is trustworthy so I wasn't worried

Tenmaku Cinema Ch11

another nice chap but sadly it's still doing p badly in ratings, even with mashle ending next week and ichinose seemingly ending soon I don't know if it'll survive, which is a big shame. can only cross my fingers and hope but not holding my breath

Martial Master Asumi Ch2

oooh, good chap, really keeping the momentum from ch1 that's good that's good. anyway I'm predicting nito is gonna lose so we can get some more backstory™ for okiba but despite losing the dad will still let her participate in that tournament thing but we'll see

Cipher Academy Ch29

good chap like usual finishing up the first class vs class battle with our protags winning without the leaders even having to participate. also wanna praise how good cipher's composition is in general, you can see it in the page I picked but also on the final page of the chap where they introduce class B the next enemies for the class battle. cipher was in the middle of the ratings this week, so I would be p pogged up if next week is the same, giving me some assurance that it won't get canceled suddenly anymore

Sakamoto Days Ch124

nice and action filled chapter, the battle against slur's goons has finally started and with quite the bang, looking forward to some quality setpiece scenes in the next few chaps

Mashle Ch161

next chap is gonna be the last and it's weird seeing it go even if I wasn't here from the start, chap was alright not much to say, just wrapping up the after fight stuff and what was gonna happen with all the people that died and stuff. expecting the finale to have what everyone ends up doing in the future and that kinda stuff

Undead Unluck Ch164

what the hell they made mui busted in this loop let's go, it was always a shame she didn't get to do much til the end in the previous loop. it's a shame 2 of shen's fights against union were resolved so quickly like that but knowing this makes it ok, looking forward to them fighting

The Elusive Samurai Ch115

it's refreshing finally having a full chapter with out protagonists after so long, tho the manga is indeed following historical fact which is quite worrying for our boy tokiyuki. but nevermind all that, a new cute girl is joining the cast and that's what matters baby

Akane-banashi Ch67

EXTREMELY good chap, sheesh akane never ceases to impress me, don't got anything to say other than wow they didn't show her score at the end of the performance at the end of the chap but it'll be at the start of the next one and I'm still very confident in my prediction. this performance being so good just made me more excited for akane's tho, can't wait for it to start

Ayakashi Triangle Ch134

argh quite the cliffhanger to leave on when there's not gonna be a chap next week, good chap tho it was nice seeing shadow mei help despite her still being tsun about it

#quite late today cause I didn't get to watch my shows yesterday like usual so had to do it after reading jump #silver talks animanga

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notjanine · 1 year

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i did not make my reading goal of 69 books this year. life was crazy and my brain was bad. but i did read 53 books, and of those, i liked 50- good hit rate! favorites--in no particular order--under the cut

The Gilda Stories by Jewelle Gomez - black lesbian vampire period piece starting in the 19th century (iirc) through the 20th and into the future. good compelling stuff.

Gathering Moss by Robin Wall Kimmerer - a delightful natural history of mosses. they're more interesting and cool than you think they are. i can't wait to go out and look at some with the loupe i was given for christmas.

Sorcerer to the Crown and The True Queen by Zen Cho - british wizardry stuff, but good. if i hadn't already known, there is no way i would have guessed that these were written by the same person who wrote Black Water Sister. darling she has the range. Sorcerer was surprisingly hilarious and they are both such fun. whimsical, but not overly so. i hope she writes a third, but either way, she's got me, i'll read anything from her.

Rocks by Jan Zalasiewicz - yes, this is about literal, actual rocks. i read it during a little geology phase early in the year. it's rocks. yes. but... it reads like a fairy tale? idk. i usually tune out when it comes to geologic timescales, but this guy made even that interesting to me. it's surprisingly lovely. and very short.

You Feel It Just Below the Ribs by Janina Matthewson and Jeffrey Cranor - i had mixed expectations for this one. a podcast spinoff book could never be good, could it? if it's my favorite podcast, is it more likely to be good or more likely to be extremely disappointing? but a title like that... visceral, pulling you in (YOU feel it, YOU FEEL it), all phonemes spoken at the front of your mouth like it's meant to be whispered... oh. oh it's good. i think this is the only book i read all in one sitting this year. the alternate history in this fictional universe has been worming its way into my brain for years, and finally learning more was so compelling and satisfying. (note: read this book with Stephen Rennicks' score for the little stranger as background music, would recommend.) and i love that the stories told within this universe are all able to stand alone, including this one, but there're always enough details (big and small) to tie them together. gosh. i haven't listened to the new season of within the wires yet, but i look forward to it emotionally destroying me when i do :)

Provecho by Edgar Castrejon - vegan mexican cookbook that fuuuuuucks. the writing is so straightforward and warm, the photos are plentiful and gorgeous, and the recipes are mostly very approachable. however, there were a few surprises that made me gasp out loud. amazing

Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner - this is one of those books i was reluctant to read because i didn't think it could live up to the hype. it does tho

Certain Dark Things and Velvet Was the Night by Silvia Moreno-Garcia - i do not like noir! and she made me like it twice!

Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie - i had only seen the 2010 tv adaptation of this (bonkers cast). the original ending is way funnier

The Bone Ship's Wake by RJ Barker - last book in the tide child series :( i will definitely read and enjoy the whole trilogy again someday. fantasy pirates on ships made of dragon bones and also there are freaky bird creatures who control the weather. plus like politics and war and stuff. interesting subversions of typical white western cultural norms. and cool monsters. a lot to like in these books. (playlist for reading this series is heavy on the assassins creed black flag score, and daniel pemberton's for king arthur)

Beast at Every Threshold by Natalie Wee - when she said This body isn't a trial run for your real life... Make your hands useful or you'll be sorry....

The Library of the Dead and Our Lady of Mysterious Ailments by TL Huchu - i don't understand why these aren't classified as YA, but i'm glad they're not, or i wouldn't have read them. street-smart teenage girl in near-future edinburgh talks to ghosts and solves mysteries. sometimes it's gross. sometimes it's silly. there's a vibe and it's enjoyable

My Heart Is a Chainsaw by Stephen Graham Jones - he does one thing i really, really hate in this book. but i understand why. other than that thing, it is a blast. a literary take on the slasher genre. gets meta, but not annoyingly so. it was just the right level of scary for me (i.e., i had to stay up late to finish it so i could be DONE with it, but the scariness didn't persist past that).

plus some honorable mentions:

I'm Waiting for You by Kim Bo-Young - short story collection bookended by parallel stories about a couple separated in time. the first half wrecked me. the second didn't. i fell out of love in the middle. this book will always remind me of that.

A Marvellous Light and A Restless Truth by Freya Marske - victorian (?) era fantasy that's like 30% smut. not bad. but i mostly like them because i read the first one very soon after Sorcerer to the Crown, and in my head, they are in the same universe. delightful.

A Psalm for the Wild-Built and A Prayer for the Crown-Shy by Becky Chambers - the usual Becky Chambers stuff. thinly veiled personal philosophy with a veneer of sci-fi bullshit. it's pretty sweet tho

ngl my book completion rate steadily decreased as the year progressed; most of these are from before i started my internship in august. i have no idea what to expect in my life next year, so i'm not even going to make a reading goal. i will, however, keep my self-imposed rule that no more than 25% of the books i read in a year can be written by white men. (i have read wayyy fewer mediocre and shitty books since implementing this policy.) i might even try no more than 25% white authors full stop. we'll see. i'm excited to see what books i'll find next year! i wonder if i'll knock out all of the unread books in my apartment before i move...

#books

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lermisv4 · 2 years

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Zelda ost is vanishing

So, many of you Zelda fans out there look up Zelda music on YouTube. To study, to chill, to vibe, etc. Some of you may pick a specific game and listen to the whole soundtrack, while some others may put a playlist of some mix of games. I know there are many people who listen specifically the the dungeon OSTs. If you look up “zelda dungeon music”, the very first result on a blank browser (not logged in) is a list titled “zelda dungeon music - UPDATED”.

I am the one who created and maintains that list. And I’m posting this to complain about Nintendo.

I honestly can’t remember when I made the list, only why. I noticed that the previously most popular list was incomplete. I think they did not have the Link Between Worlds soundtrack? I don’t know. But I was kind of disappointed about that so I figured “hey I’m doing nothing on my account” (I haven’t uploaded a single video, lol - hell, at the time the only reason I even HAD an account was because Google had just bought YouTube) “so may as well make the list myself!”

It was... mildly difficult. For the most popular games, I could just go to GilvaSunner’s channel and pick the tracks, but for most of the 2D games I had to look for channels of the same quality and pick tracks from there. There was also the fact that I REALLY wanted the playlist to cover everything, so I had to make a few choices on WHAT to choose. Do I include caverns? If not, why? If yes, why? Is it fair to include the caverns of one game and not the other? (eventually I decided on “depends on whether you get a key item from them / plot significance”) Do I include spinoff titles, like Hyrule Warriors? (I decided no) How do I manage games with a stage-type structure, like Four Swords? Do I put the songs in the order I find them on the playlists or according to their in-game appearance? Do I include the dungeon intros? I tried that, but it didn’t flow well. Hell, at one point I tried to add ALL THE VARIATIONS OF THE TRIFORCE HEROES STAGES but not even a third through I was like NOPE. Yes, I know the titles in that part in the playlist are in french, I honestly thought it was a quirk of the game due to the whole “fashion” thing.

Eventually, I had a cool playlist I was happy with more songs than THE most popular playlist, and I was secretely hoping it would surpass the other playlist in views because clearly mine is the better one! (yeah, I know how that sounds) It was slow going at first and I was frustrated when for a long time YouTube searches would not show it among the results - I can’t remember how long it took me to make, but it was a while. But over time some people started noticing, I got a few thousand views, and it started growing increasingly popular until it had almost as many views as the most popular one. I added UPDATED on the title to let people know that THIS list was up to date.

That playlist had become really important to me at that time. I know it’s stupid of being proud of something like that, but I listened to it all the time - whether I was studying or writing fanfiction and needed a vibe trip to the fantasy realm or whatever. It got me through some pretty tough exam periods, let me tell you.

Then Breath of the Wild came out. That was when I started noticing problems.

I was a few months late to the party because real life kicked my ass (still does), but eventually I watched a full walkthrough of the game and obviously decided it high-time I add the new tracks. After all, it has “UPDATED” in the title, I can’t leave it without the tracks of such an immensely popular game.

So first I went to GilvaSunner’s channel to add the new tracks. But they weren’t there. Okay... I found a different channel. Oh nice. I added the new tracks, making sure to include additional ones in accordance to my broadened standards. I left the list alone, happy once again.

A few months later, I noticed that all the BotW tracks had been deleted. I was EXTREMELY weirded out. I found another channel which took those tracks and reuploaded them. Oh, okay, problem solved. Then THOSE tracks were taken down. The channel reuploaded them again. I readded them. Then slowly, over the course of time, I noticed that various tracks in the playlist would randomly go missing. Like the dungeon theme from Phantom Hourglass, or the stuff from a Link to the Past, or that something happened to the Spirit tracks soundtrack. Each and every time, I would search YouTube, trying to recall WHICH tracks were missing (I never wrote the list anywhere because I have my criteria memorized), reorganising them - sometimes on my phone, during class - and always with a low-key nervousness that I may have forgotten something. Oftentimes I would find notices of the type “this video is not available in your country” which REALLY pissed me off.

Then, last year, all the Ocarina of Time songs went missing. I borderline panicked back then, but I was able to - once again - find the tracks and replace them, but with the thought of “who tf would take them down”.

I know who would. Nintendo, that’s who. By that point I kept hearing stuff about how they would take down stuff like mods, or some channels, but I never thought they’d attack a channel that’s been there forever and was abandoned for a few years.

Yesterday, I decided to replay the list. The entirety of Majora’s Mask, Wind Waker, Twilight Princess, Link Between Worlds, and most of the Skyward Sword and Link to the Past soundtracks were taken down. And I DON’T KNOW WHEN.

I freaked the F out. I spent literal hours looking for the tracks online, wondering what else was missing, if I would even find what I needed online, how long would it take, and when the hell did this happen!? I slapped an “under repairs” notice on the playlist and went searching. Eventually I found replacements for everything.

Then today, the original LOZ soundtrack and the rest of the Skyward Sword ones went missing. The LOZ dungeon theme I had on the playlist was a 30 second video. And they deleted that. It was online for about TEN YEARS. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find replacements for that stuff? You’ll find extended versions and dozens of different covers, but never the originals.

As for Skyward Sword? Today I was only able to find a few extended versions of the missing tracks. NONE of the originals. So I put the “under repairs” label on the list again, and now I can only hope somebody uploads them, and that no more game music channels will be attacked within the month.

I freaking HATE Nintendo for doing this. Remove the soundtrack? Some of these games are older than I am. Piracy? Bitch please. If you didn’t want people pirating your content, THEN YOU WOULD HAVE MADE IT AVAILABLE TO ALL. Yeah, I pirate the shit out of everything. But I WOULD buy if it was AVAILABLE! “Buy the official comic” they say WELL MAKE AN OFFICIAL TRANSLATION SO WE CAN. “Buy the official version” well maybe if you would sell it without requiring some weird regional check and subscription - if you even sell it to begin with.

I hate this. I freaking hate this.

Yesterday I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make a community post so I would at least have a means for others to inform me if they noticed something wrong. I have like - only eleven subscribers but that’s not the issue, I have a playlist with over 200.000 views that people obviously like and I want to deliver. I failed at making a post because I couldn’t find the freaking option and I gave up out of frustration. And today THIS happened.

I am seriously considering downloading all those tracks in a sound only format on my laptop, and if something gets deleted again to upload it myself. But the thought scares me. I did not even WANT that Youtube account. I have uploaded absolutely no videos. I simply have a few playlists of shit that I like. But like I said, that Zelda dungeon music playlist is the most popular on YouTube. What if they decide that “no, that’s not acceptable” and decide to strike with the banhammer?

I don’t know if anyone CAN offer a solution, but I really needed to vent. I started this thing for the vibes, I don’t want to chase around the uploads for who knows how many years in the future. Sometimes I even think that whoever takes down this stuff may be finding obscure YouTube channels BECAUSE of my playlist. But... I know it sounds stupid but I can’t let go of it.

So here. That’s my confession. I needed to get this out of my chest. You can look it up yourselves. Yeah, that’s my real name there I won’t deny it, nothing to hide. Enjoy my playlist because I don’t know how long it’s going to be around. And please keep in mind that as of the time of writing, the Skyward Sword section is missing most of the tracks.

Thank you for reading.

EDIT: UPDATE - I managed to restore the full playlist and download all the tracks I needed on my PC. Here’s hoping there’s no new round of takedowns on 2023.

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bitches-who-write · 3 years

Note

you guys said in other posts that Henry and Patrick likes to scare. can you write a story on a reader whose naturally jumpy and scares way to easily. maybe a story about what they do to her? if you can make it reaally scary and teasy I like that. your guys writing is out of this world. thanx

Your wish is our command!

Scaredy Cat

Description: Reader is easily scareable/jumpy. Henry and Patrick take full advantage of this. Featuring Belch & Vic (Spinoff of our haunted house fic)

Word Count: 2,979

Warning: Suspense, Terror, Foul language,

We hope you enjoy this story as much as we enjoyed writing it. It’s our longest post yet so we’re feeling proud!! It definitely brings on Halloween Vibes for those of you who are as obsessed about Halloween as we are!

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Everyone knows Eddie Kaspbrak is a nervous kid but Y/N, Eddie’s sister is even more of a scaredy-cat. Henry and Patrick could smell your fear a mile away. It’s the day before Halloween and the town of Derry is celebrating their annual haunted house attraction. Typically the last walk-through is at midnight, but Henry and Patrick have an alternative plan for their easily scareable victim.

It’s the middle of the afternoon and all anyone at school can talk about is how terrifying the haunted house attraction is going to be. I sit at an empty cafeteria table alone working on my history homework when suddenly I feel a hand grab my shoulder. I practically jump out of my skin, already feeling on edge from all the Halloween talk. I abruptly turn around to face whoever is behind me. To my surprise, it is Patrick Hockstetter and Henry Bowers. I shiver feeling the mixture of Patrick’s cool metal rings and callused hands slide down my arm, gently caressing my sides. I try to lean forward to escape his unwanted embrace, both of them still snickering from my startled reaction. “Holy shit dude, you weren’t kidding she is worse than her wimpy brother.” Henry chortled. I look up at them with a confused expression which only makes Patrick look even more satisfied. “That's right Y/N, I’ve been watching you...studying you....taking a few notes.” Patrick takes a dramatic pause, grinning before continuing; “ I’ve learned a lot of interesting things about you. Like what your fears and phobias are, and what scares you the most- which is a lot coming from you.” Henry chimes in “We noticed the way you glance over your shoulder when you’re all alone, and how you quickly turn on a light when you get home so you’re not in the dark for long.” My eyes widen in shock, realizing they’ve been stalking me without me even knowing it. I finally mustered up the courage to speak but unfortunately for me, my voice dripping from uncertainty and apprehension; “What do you guys want?” With a playful smirk, Henry grabs a chair and turns it so the back of the chair is facing me, resting his arms over it as he sits down. Patrick takes a seat directly next to me but slings his arm around my side, trapping me against him and the table. Henry, never breaking eye contact, finally speaks up first. He licks his lips before leaning in close, his voice full of malice, “We just want to spend time with you. Be ready by midnight we’re picking you up.” They both begin to stand up and walk away but Patrick slowly turns back towards me, “Oh and Y/N... that’s an order.” With that, they both exit the cafeteria leaving me trembling in fear.

I anxiously get ready knowing they will be here in another 10 minutes. I told my mother I was spending the night at a friend's house. Eddie had already gone to his sleepover at Richie’s house so I couldn’t even warn him about my whereabouts for the night. As I finish getting ready, I can’t shake the uneasy feeling that I’m being watched. I chalk the feeling off thinking I’m just being paranoid at this point. I walk into my closet to grab a jacket. When I reach for the pull string to turn on the light, of course, the lightbulb is dead- just my luck. I begin to slide each jacket down the rack trying to find the one I want when suddenly something-or someone grabs my wrist causing me to scream in terror. I pulled my wrist back with such force that I stumbled backwards falling on my ass. I try to scoot back to get away from whoever is now slowly approaching me. The tall dark figure slowly emerges from the dark closet, stepping into the light of my bedroom. My eyes widened in both panic and shock seeing Patrick standing there with an eerie smirk plastered on his face. In a mocking tone he says “You ready princess? It's time to go.” Still sitting on the floor with my back up against my bed, I then feel someone squeeze my sides from under the bed. I let out another blood-curdling scream as I jolt forward frantically crawling towards Patrick now, not knowing where to go anymore. I distinctly hear Henry’s laugh from under the bed sounding satisfied that his little prank was successful. “Fuck, it’s a good thing your mom is such a heavy sleeper.” He says in an arrogant tone. Patrick flashes him a knowing smirk adding to Henry’s observation. “Yeaaah. I’m sure those pills probably helped, too.” This made both guys laugh hysterically. “What?! What did you do to my mother?!” I ask in utter disbelief and confusion. “Ohh calm the fuck down, she’ll be fine she’s just having a good...rest.” Patrick says now guiding me by my shoulder towards the door to leave the house now.

We walk out to a blue car sitting outside the front of my house; Belch in the driver seat, chuckling. After about a 15 minute drive, we finally arrived at our destination. I had no clue where these two psychos were even taking me up until now. I look up and see a nightmarish haunted house attraction. However, for a place that is so popular in Derry, especially the night before Halloween- not a soul is around. I hesitantly step out of the car; Belch giving me a big taunting smile from his place in the car. “Good luck, Y/N” and with that, he sped off.

I try my best to be brave but my facial expression and voice says otherwise. My eyes nervously look around taking in the scenery, the palms of my hands are sweaty, and I feel a lump in my throat as I try to swallow. “W-W-Where is e-everyone? Why is n-n-nobody here?” I instantly begin to blush as they laugh at my shaky, nervous voice. Patrick’s smirk begins to grow into a wider smile as he becomes giddy in excitement, unable to stand still in one place. He jumps in front of me, facing my direction as he holds my shoulders. I glance over at Henry who is looking over at us with a knowing smirk. “That is the best part...you’re gonna love it Y/N; It’s gonna be a scream!” I continue to feel uneasy since Patrick still hasn’t answered my question about why no one else is here. Finally, Henry speaks up. “Let’s just say the Bower’s gang gets special treatment when it comes to getting what we want. Now we have the whole place to ourselves.” My stomach sinks realizing they probably terrorized the poor workers into closing the attractions. Patrick grabs my hand forcefully pulling me into the makeshift haunted house building. I tried to dig my heels into the ground to stop us but that obviously didn’t work as he is much stronger and taller than myself. Even if it did work, Henry would be right there to catch me so there is no use in trying to escape them.

Henry takes the lead opening the black curtain into the house, revealing a long dark corridor. The only light source illuminating the path was from the moonlight. I look up at Patrick who is on my left side. With pleading eyes I begin to mouth the words ‘no’ over and over again at him. He just smirks and shoves me forward. I clutch onto Patrick's arm as the three of us venture down to the first room...a Medical Experimentation Chamber.

As I walk into the room I frantically begin to look around at my surroundings. The room is dimly lit yet there are disorienting strobe lights flickering, blinding me. I squint my eyes to focus on my surroundings better. It looks like there's a lot of twists and turns ahead. I see medical tables equipped with thick straps and buckles for restraints. Alongside these tables is medical equipment that looks dented and rusty...or is that blood?. In addition to the visual distractions, there are deafly loud sound effects of patients screaming and the sounds of surgical tools being played on a loop. I was so distracted by my surroundings that I didn't notice Patrick trailing behind me. He proceeds to pick me up from behind and lays me down onto the medical table. Henry walks over and holds me by my arms and legs so Patrick can strap me in. They both back away from me laughing as I see someone enter the room. The man that walked in was dressed as a surgeon in all white, I could see he was covered in blood. My eyes widen in hysteria as I notice his facial features. His eyes were very sinister, his nose looked as if it was broken with a gashed cut on the bridge of his nose with a jagged hack job of stitches. My eyes began to fixate on his mouth which was spread wide and sewn into a gruesome smile. His teeth were jagged and sharp. As he leans down towards me, lowering his surgical tool; I begin to scream and thrash against my restraints. Suddenly everything becomes pitch black and the deafening noise vanishes. The only noises left in the room were the sound of me screaming and crying along with Henry and Patrick laughing their asses off. The room became dimly lit again as Henry began to undo the restraints. As he works to unbuckle me I frantically look around trying to find the surgeon who was just in here, but suddenly disappeared. I sat up slowly trying to compose myself although my body is trembling excessively. Patrick gave me no breaks as he continues to push me forward towards the next room...The SlaughterHouse.

As we walk into the next room, I am desperately holding onto the back of Henry’s shirt begging to go home. I can hear him chuckle arrogantly as he feels me gripping his shirt. Patrick whispers in my ear from behind, his hands placed firmly on my hips, “But the fun is just getting started princess.” I take a deep breath before asking no one in particular, “Can someone hold my hand? ..Please?” My voice filled with terror and practically pleading. They both look at each other at the same time, laugh and respond with a mocking as they imitate my voice- “noOoO.” I look down at my feet feeling so small until I can hear what sounds like metal clanking together- echoing louder and louder. I completely stop dead in my tracks, my legs feeling so wobbly as we enter a room with hooks. So many hooks with prosthetic pigs hanging on them! I hear Patrick from behind me chuckle and say in a taunting sing-song type voice, “Come on Y/N~ keep moving.” Henry looks at us, laughing in amusing sporting that same smirk that never left his face. Henry slowly approaches me with a mischievous glint in his eyes. His voice is low and cold, “ Hey Y/N ever wonder what it felt like to be a pig hanging on a hook?” My eyes widen as he says this and I quickly try to make a run for it but Patrick is fast to grab me before I could. He begins to carry me over to Henry effortlessly despite my squirming. Patrick puts me down then shoves me into Henrys chest. Henry then picks me up and places me on one of the metal hooks, putting a hole in my favorite black jacket. I begin crying..again this time sobbing uncontrollably as I struggle to say, “G-Guys this r-r-really isn't f-funny. I wanna gah-g-go home now. Get me d-down pleasee!” They both laugh at my breakdown and begin to walk out of the room. Patrick peeks his head back in, “Just hang there for a sec princess, we’ll be right back ~” Henry chimes in “I wouldn’t give the butcher a hard time if I were you. He hates when you struggle...” I hear them laugh in the distance as they walk off again. That's when I heard it...that's when I heard the sound of a chainsaw and heavy footsteps charging towards me. I scream so loud I start to lose my voice a little, but it doesn’t stop me from trying. A man that looks well over 6ft tall with broad shoulders walks in. He looks like he came straight out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. At this point, I’m bawling my eyes out, screaming and desperately calling for Henry and Patrick’s help. Although realistically I know the chainsaw has no blade on it, it’s still equally terrifying. The butcher brings the saw somewhat close to my face. I wince, closing my eyes tightly as the strong scent of gasoline invades my nose, along with a faint musty smell coming off the chainsaw, as well as the man in front of me. I brace myself for the impact which never came. I opened my eyes to see the man lowering the chainsaw instead. I let out a sigh of relief thinking he is going to let me down but instead he pulls out a blindfold. At this point, I can literally hear my heartbeat pulsating through my ears. I’m trying to kick aimsley now that can't see anything. That’s when I feel someone grabbing at my legs. My blindfold drops down as I see Patrick looking up at me with his famous smile. Henry begins to get me down as he mockingly says, “I told you he hates it when you struggle, didn’t I?”

I am violently shaking from adrenaline to the point that they have to keep me upright, sandwiched in the middle of them both. I look at them and ask between sobs, “Are we done yet? Can I go home now? Please?” Henry condescendingly pats my head as if I am a child while Patrick chuckles and says, “We have one more room to complete and you’re their special guest...they kept vacancy just for you!”

As we exit the slaughterhouse we suddenly are displaced into a parking lot. A rush of confusion washes over me. Patrick just said there’s still one more room left, why are we outside? I shiver out of fright as Patrick rubs his hands up and down my arms, his head tilted as he looks at me with a teasing smirk. Henry nudges me and points up to a sign which reads “Motel” with a crooked red light flickering. It reads ‘Vacancy’. The makeshift motel looks runned-down and absolutely filthy. Henry and Patrick lead me to the front office. Opening the creaky wooden door on a spring, I walk in cautiously. I quickly become distracted by several different TV scenes that display [fake] murders taking place in the motel rooms by masked men. Blood-curdling screams fill my ears, making me even more thrown off guard. As I look around the office more, Patrick takes 2 long strides towards the front desk and rings the silver bell that is placed on the corner of the desk. I jump, flinching as he looks at me smirking. “I don’t think anyone is home.” He says in a sarcastic voice. Henry shoves me forward towards the back room now. He kneels down and opens a trap door. He looks up at me, “Ladies first.” Patrick snickers behind me as I cautiously started entering the crawlspace on my hands and knees. As I am crawling forward in the dirt ground, I feel Patrick smack and grab my ass causing me to jump, hitting my head in the cramped, narrow space. Patrick lets out a satisfied laugh. “You know, your ass is your only redeeming quality princess… that and your fear.” This earns a laugh from Henry, as well, who reaches under Patrick and grabs my ankle unexpectedly; pulling me back. I let out a little yelp and eat dirt. They both start laughing again. Finally, we reach the end of the crawlspace. Patrick reaches over me and pushes up on the door to open it. I feel Patrick lift me slightly so I can pull myself out. I take note of my surroundings. That underground path lead us from the motel office, to now one of the bedrooms. As I straighten myself out, Henry and Patrick follow closely behind, climbing out of the craw-space, as well. Before I move forward I made the decision to grab Patrick’s hand despite what he said earlier about hand-holding.

Patrick looks down at me smirking but doesn't say anything. In fact, he actually holds my hand back, intertwining his fingers tightly between mine but I can tell there’s an ulterior motive behind his actions. The door handle to the motel bedroom begins to violently shake and jiggle. The door slowly opens revealing two men wearing masks. They are headed right towards me, their long legs approaching quickly. I try to back up but sadly I was still holding onto Patrick... or should I say he is holding onto me. At this point, Patrick picks me up and literally throws me onto the bed. The weight of his body is holding my legs down. As I’m struggling against Patrick, Henry walks over and holds my arms tightly above my head giving Patrick a better hold of my legs. The two masked men walk over and one of them pulls out a knife. Unlike the chainsaw from earlier, this was a very real and very sharp knife. In a taunting way, the masked men walk over slowly- one going to my left and the one with the knife going to my right. I begin to scream but it is quickly muffled by the man on my left covering my mouth. My anxiety takes over now, not able to take any more scares. I begin to see black slowly starting with my peripheral vision as it slowly covers the rest of my eyes. I begin to drift into unconsciousness. The last thing I head was the laughter of 4 recognizable guys and the muffled talking of Henry, Patrick, Vic, and Belch.

I woke up in my bed, the sun glaring down on my face. I sit up slowly, trying to remember how I even got here. Last thing I remember was being held down by those assholes in that terrifying motel room. I get out of bed and begin to stretch when I notice something hanging on my closet door. I hesitantly walked over to my closet seeing a note stuck to the door. The paper note was help up by a knife.. the same knife from last night! My breathing becomes shallow and hands shake as I read over the note. Still feeling jumpy, I jump when I hear Eddie’s and Richie’s loudmouths enter the front door. I bring my attention back to the note which reads~

I can’t get your screams or your scared face out of my mind. How about we try to recreate them in the bedroom? -Patrick

You’re my number one target now..scaredy-cat - Henry

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carmensbroom · 3 years

Text

I've once again had 6 hours to process everything I saw in season 4 so I'm just gonna say my thoughts on it (hold onto your fedoras again folks)

first off, WE FOUND OUT GRAY'S LAST NAME?? I was so shocked and happy at the same time I love how everyone asked for player's real name and we ended up with gray's surname for some reason shsjsj. NOBODY ASKED FOR THAT BUT THEY DELIVERED ANYWAY

ALSO GRAHAM IS AN ORPHAN?? my precious boy *throws mommy's boy headcanon out the window*

the second episode really had me shipping carmivy they're so cute we got a girl's trip and I'm all for it

I think I may now be a dash haber stan but let's not make a big thing of it

also ivy eating the chocolate in the middle of a mission deserves an honorable mention because of her cute little tongue (I'm weird okay djsjsjs)

zack trying to bond with shadowsan and him having none of it was delightful

that fucking robot god damn bellum really thought of everything didn't she every time I thought it was gone it made a come back I literally said out loud "carmen is so fucked"

I SWEAR TO GOD EVERY TIME GRAY TALKED ABOUT CARMEN I KEPT THINKING HE WAS GONNA SAY "BECAUSE I LOVE HER" IN WHICH CASE I WOULD HAVE DIED AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY

yall have no idea how relieved I was when I found out that photo of julia was her and her (presumably) mother and NOT a boyfriend sjsjsjs

catch me making a headcanon that julia has a single mom because her father disowned her for coming out as gay based on that picture alone 😭

I'M SORRY BUT THE AMOUNT OF FLIRTING BETWEEN CARMEN AND JULES?? PLEASE THEY'RE SECRET GIRLFRIENDS JUST ADMIT YOU CENSORED THEM AND GO

OKAY BUT WHEN THEY WERE IN JULIA'S OFFICE AND CARMEN SAID "WAY TO FOLLOW YOUR HEART JULES" AND SHE WAS LIKE "YOU REMEMBERED" I LOST IT WHAT DID CARMEN REMEMBER JULES?? DID THEY HAVE A CONVERSATION OFF SCREEN? MAYBE I'M JUST A BIG HUGE LESBIAN BUT THAT'S A BIT GAY LADIES

carmen getting all worried when julia wasn't answering her phone was the blessed gay content I signed up for PLEASE THEY CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER SO MUCH

never thought I'd say this but I loved devineaux this season he was funny, he improved his treatment towards julia (I don't recall him officially apologising I must have missed something djsjsjs)

the only thing I didn't like was it kinda seemed like they were trying to hint that chase and jules were into each other and I didn't really vibe with that

all that shit with dr bellum and the crown for cleo really had me thinking cleobellum was gonna be canon what a clown I am (seriously tho the way she lost it when the crown got stolen GIVE IT BACK IT BELONGS TO HER WIFE)

look all I'm saying is: tigress new outfit in the egypt episode was hot

HER FACE AT THE END AFTER SHE GOT TRAPPED WITH ALL THOSE BUGS

I wish julia and gray could have met there's so much friendship potential there 😭

is player... is he a bit 💅 I SEE THAT PRIDE STICKER ON YOUR LAPTOP YOUNG MAN YOU'RE NOT SUBTLE

ngl I nearly teared up when player finally met carmen in person

I'M SORRY BUT JULIA'S BLUSH IN EPISODE 7 PLEASE SHE'S SO SMITTEN WITH CARMEN IT'S BRILLIANT

EVIL CARMEN WAS REALLY SOMETHING ELSE I WAS SO SCARED SHE'D BE STUCK LIKE THAT FOREVER

I mentioned this in another post but when julia was like "don't you remember me? I'm your girlfriend friend, jules" I NEARLY FUCKING CRIED THEY WERE GETTING KINDA CLOSE AND THEN CARMEN GOT MIND WIPED

JULIA TOPS JULIA TOPS I SAID IT ALL ALONG AND IT'S TRUE SHE REALLY PINNED VILE CARMEN THAT'S TOP BEHAVIOR (also this now makes carmen a bottom I don't make the rules)

kinda shocked that paper star was hardly here I don't stan her so it didn't bother me much but still it was just strange they didn't use her this season

when shadowsan whipped out the last doll and carmen had all those flashbacks to when she was at vile I nearly started crying AGAIN

I LEGIT THOUGHT CARMEN HAD KILLED GRAY DJSJSJS AN ELECTRICIAN GETTING ELECTROCUTED THAT'S SOME IRONY RIGHT THERE

gray really confused me towards the end he kept switching sides every five minutes for the whole season I wasn't sure whether to trust him half the time dhshsjs

THE LOOK ON CARMEN'S FACE WHEN SHE THOUGHT SHE'D KILLED GRAY WAS SO HEARTBREAKING AND THEN SHE STARTED CRYING OH MY GOD I'M SORRY BABY

the way she's always been against hurting people/taking lives and then she ended up hurting all the people she loves (she nearly killed zack for god sake) really hit me hard

gray's ending was... kinda weird I understood the parallel of him not wanting to complicate carmen's life like she said about him in season 2 but it was still kinda strange that they didn't have one more conversation or get any closure

I'm obviously kinda upset that carulia wasn't canon they had so much potential imo and the show isn't about romance anyway BUT I'm happy with the content we got and THEY FLIRTED SO MUCH THEY'RE CANON IN MY HEART

THE TEAM RED GROUP HUG KILLED ME IT WAS SO CUTE

kinda annoyed that carmen just straight up left zack and ivy she really just left a note and said YEET

ivy's voice crack when she read the note got me all choked up

ngl I'm still not entirely sure how it ended I had to rewatch it a few times to understand what they were trying to imply sjsjsj

would have loved to know carmen's given name but at the same time she's literally THE carmen sandiego that's who she is, it would be silly to go by a name that she doesn't connect with just because her parents gave her it

her mom being a regular citizen was kinda bittersweet I mean a plot twist would have been good but at the same time it would make the story even more complicated

*dreams of a spinoff movie where we get better closure on everything*

ACME IVY ACME IVY I'M NOT AN IVY STAN BUT DAMN IF I AIN'T SIMPING FOR ACME IVY

I know carmen didn't want revenge but I feel like chief got let off with killing her father way too quickly if I'm honest sjsjsj

JULIA BEING IN CHARGE OF FINDING CARMEN'S MOM OH MY GOSH

I feel so bad for laughing when julia got knocked out the way the cloth fell on her head sent me but when the pole hit her head I was like "OKAY I TAKE IT BACK THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANYMORE"

was not expecting julia to physically fight anyone I mean she's always been so calm and collected and then this season she was like fuck it might as well hit a few people before we finish forever

wishing carmen and jules could have hugged or had a scene together where they talked about stockholm but I won't complain it wouldn't have really made sense anyway considering they were cool with each other at the university

so glad the trailer was misleading about the coach brunt situation I really didn't want her to get a last minute redemption

another honorable mention: cleo snapping at julia "DON'T YOU DARE IMPLY THAT I AM COMMON" sent me djdjs she was just stood there like "I am but a humble history lesbian leave me be"

I think that's everything I'll probably add to it later if I think of anything or I might make a part 2 djsjsjs (I've been writing this for almost an hour now 😭)

overall I enjoyed it from start to finish. I haven't really cried about it ending yet I'm still processing everything but I'll probably have a little sob when it finally hits me djsjsjs

CARULIA NATION WE BASICALLY WON NOW EXCUSE ME WHILE I REWATCH ALL THEIR SCENES TOGETHER AND MAKE IT MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY

#wow this ended up being way too long #I was trying to go in order of what happened but I kept remembering other things so it's juat a big mess dhshsjs #anyways carulia is canon because I said so #really hope we get an animated movie or another short in the future #cs spoilers #julia argent #carulia #julethief #gray crackle #gray cs #chase devineaux #carmen sandiego season 4 #carmen sandiego

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fedoraspooky · 3 years

Text

Oh man, I’d love to write a whole fic for it but idk if I have much time to do so. ;w; I can describe the premise and stuff as best I can, though!

So here’s what I have for the weresnoodle pup spinoff AU:

Once upon a time...

In a kingdom far away, there lived a young prince. He was well-mannered and got along with his brother, although he did have his moments of mischief. For you see, the young prince was also quite adventurous, wandering off into the forest to explore despite the warnings of his father.

And so it came to pass, that one day the young prince returned with a terrible curse... Nobody knew who, or indeed what had cursed the prince. All they knew was that one night he turned into a shadowy monster, and attacked everyone around him in a blind rage, terribly injuring his brother.

When brought before the King’s court and questioned, the prince, shaken from what had happened, struggled with answering even basic questions about himself and his family. The King, mortified and newly convinced that his son had been stolen and replaced by the fae of the woods, ordered that the prince be locked away in the tallest tower until his true son was found.

Search parties scoured the woods, and tensions rose between the kingdom and the fae. Despite many years of conflict, the king never found what he was looking for, unaware that he had locked his true son away. The prince spent many years in the tower alone, his sorrow eventually turning into bitterness and anger, and isolation leading him to become more and more like the wild beast he’d been treated as... Until the day he grew strong enough to break free of his prison, a terrible monster of shadows and fire that razed the land and feasted upon the souls of every living thing in its path.

...Or at least, that's what would have happened, had a twist of fate not intervened.

A twist of fate in the form of a space-adventuring lady in purple with a penchant for knitting powerful headwear. While searching for her lost time pieces, she had a run-in with the wicked shadow monster, and though she soundly defeated him, he still fled with one of the time pieces. By the first rays of dawn, she tracked the wounded beast back to a broken, crumbling old tower, finding him huddled beneath torn scraps of blankets in what looked like a very bare-bones, destroyed child’s room. The light of dawn caused him to change back into a haggard man, wild-eyed and responding only in fearful snarls like a cornered animal. She eventually got all of her time pieces back, but before she left, she couldn’t help but think back to that tower, and the weird creature(?) person(?) in it. To quell her curiosity, she looked into it, and discovered what happened. A tragic tale, although... well, even though it wasn’t entirely legal to mess with a timeline, it was a tragic tale that could be easily remedied. She would have to be careful, since the curse was still a thing, and she still needed enough energy from the time pieces to get back home... Because of that she wouldn’t be able to go back to when he was first incarcerated, but better a few years late than never, right?

And so, that was how Hattie took in a grumpy, partially feral child.

#a hat in time #ahit #ahit au #snatcher #ahit snatcher #ahit prince #ahit hat adult #weresnoodle au #weresnoodle pup au #idk what to call it officially dfjkgh #'how to care for a small angy spaghetti' is kind of a mouthful #found family #writing

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gra-sonas · 3 years

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CW viewers first met Nathan Dean as Jackson on the hit "Vampire Diaries" spinoff "The Originals." However, his werewolf stint on the series wasn't his first foray on TV. The actor starred in over 300 episodes of "General Hospital," later scoring roles on shows like "Bunheads," "True Blood," and "Once Upon a Time." Between his notable TV appearances, Dean appeared in movies such as "Teeth," "The Roommate," and "Pet."

Luckily for CW followers, the network frequently features actors from past projects in new endeavors, providing fans with plentiful reunions. After a successful run on the vampire show, Dean scored a leading role as Max in "Roswell, New Mexico." Sticking true to his supernatural roots, Dean plays an alien deputy (the outer space kind, of course). Early in Season 3, the CW greenlit a Season 4, with filming on the horizon.

Looper spoke to Nathan Dean in an exclusive interview, during which he dished on Season 3 of "Roswell, New Mexico," what he really thinks about UFOs, and what it was like working on "The Originals," "Once Upon a Time," and "True Blood."

Do you have a favorite moment with the cast on or off set?

I mean, I think this past year was probably just our first day back, being everyone was so locked down in the pandemic and just the fact that we were able to come back in October. I remember the first [day] we were trying out all these new COVID protocols. We had to wear masks. We had to do the thing, but just to see our crew again here.

I mean, the crew we have here in New Mexico is such a family to us. And being able to be on set, we had a day zero, and a day double zero, and test days. And the first day back was just the crew and me. And it was just so wonderful to see everyone again and realize it wasn't necessarily the apocalypse, the end of the world like we all thought, and we're back. We're back, and everyone was good, and everyone was very conscious of being healthy and staying in the bubble that we had, and just to see their faces again was fantastic.

The series recently changed showrunners. How do you feel about the new direction? And can you tease anything that fans might expect from Max's character arc this season?

Yeah. We did. I mean, Chris Hollier is our showrunner now, and he was a producer for us the last couple of years. And when he took over, we tried to move not only Max, but I think every character, into a more adult, mature way of operating. We spent a lot of time in Season 1 in particular, but Season 2 as well, flashing back to high school. And we all had a high school outlook on each other. And moving forward, we've been able to mature the characters, I think. And this year is a great year, I think, for Max in particular, because he has to literally look himself in the eye and become the person that he was meant to be instead of someone he used to be.

Were you a fan of the original "Roswell" before snagging your role on the series?

I had never actually seen it. I mean, I don't watch a whole lot of TV, and I was familiar with the show, and I knew the book series. So yeah, when we decided to reboot this thing, it was really, really cool to see the support that we got from the original show. And we've had some of the people back. Shiri [Appleby] directed episodes for us. Last year we had ... Jason [Behr] was back for a little bit. And it's just great to know that we're in this family. It's not like no one saw us as trying to take it over or rewrite history. We're just embracing the history that's already there and just building on it and spinning it into a modern world. So yeah, their support was wonderful, and we're excited to have more of that going forward.

What direction do you hope Max goes in the future?

Well, Max spends a whole lot of time this season having to look himself in the face — literally questions a lot of things. We've done a lot in the past, the high school flashbacks and this and that, but I think this year, not only for Max but for all the characters, we see this maturation happen where you're no longer looking backward into who they used to be. Now this season, we're finally looking forward to who we want to be. And I think Max and Joan embody that dynamic, but yeah, you see it with Michael, Isabel, Maria, Liz. You see every character really take a step forward this year, and that's a credit to our showrunner and to our writers for trusting us to take that leap and move the show, looking forward instead of looking back.

Are there any particular adult storylines that you're excited to maybe see him tackle or that you'd like to see him tackle?

Well, I think it's his relationship with Liz, really. We ended Season 2 in a pretty bad place. I mean, Liz runs off, Max goes all arsonist on her, it's a little bit of an immature response to something. You just have a temper tantrum and light everything on fire. But I think this year, yeah, we really see Max and Liz move forward in a way that is much more mature and adult and respectful. And they, I mean, obviously the elephant in the room is, "Well hey, you blew up all my stuff." "Yeah, sorry." But how do you come back from that? And I think we see them take a step forward in a big way this year, and I'm excited for people to see that this year because we haven't historically had a very adult relationship, and now we're moving towards that.

Is there anyone you'd love to see appear on the show?

I mean, I would love to have Jason [Behr] back, I would say. I mean, he wasn't with us for long last year, and it was just great to see him and learn from him and watch him work. So I would love to see some more of the 1940s flashback-y kind of stuff, learn some more of that. We have a little bit of that in season three. We have some of that, which is a lot of fun, and yeah, I mean, I'm always in for that.

I love flashbacks, other time periods, different things that shows do. Is there a time period that you'd love to see the show tackle in flashbacks?

Yeah. I mean, we get into it this year, more of the ... Because the crash was what? 1947, I believe. We get into that a little bit more, and that's always fun. I love that time period. I love being able to play in that arena, and hopefully, we get some more of that in Season 3, and hopefully, going forward in Season 4, we'll have some more of that as well.

Have you been able to direct yet?

I have not. I haven't tried. I haven't asked to. Actually Maria, Heather [Hemmens], who plays Maria on our show, she directed this past year. And I know Michael Trevino, who plays Kyle, he wants to get into directing. So hopefully, we'll have him this coming year. And I haven't looked to direct on this show. I would love to direct a short film or something like that, but on this show, I'll leave our show to the professionals. I'll find directing somewhere else.

"Roswell, New Mexico" actually films in New Mexico. How do you think that choice has positively affected the feel of the show?

Oh, it changes everything. I mean, New Mexico, I don't know if you've had a chance to come out here, but New Mexico is such an amazing place. I mean, they call it the Land of Enchantment for a reason. Growing up in Texas, I've driven through New Mexico a million times, but I never stopped. And when I finally got here and just took it in, I mean, the sky is huge out here. The air is different out here. It's everywhere you look: the sunsets are incredible. It informs so much of the show.

And also, having crew from New Mexico, having a local crew out here, you see it on our show, the turquoise, just the style, the whole thing. But we see that every day. That's just the people that we work with, and to be able to film here, I think, informs so much of what it is to crash land in this crazy place. And yeah, I don't think we could pull this off anywhere else. This is such a wonderful place, and yeah, we're very lucky to be here.

Speaking of crash landing, New Mexico has been a hotbed for reported UFO sightings for years. Have you ever seen anything weird yourself, or have you heard stories from other cast members or locals?

I haven't heard any abduction stories, but it's definitely ... we get on set every time there's an airplane or an airline will report that they've seen something weird. We're the first ones to know about it. I mean, the skies here are crazy — there are times when you look up in the clouds, you're like, "Is that something? I don't know." But yeah, I mean, we have all that here. We're very much in it, but yeah, I have not personally been abducted yet, but I'm hoping for it.

Fingers crossed? [Laughs] So in June, the government released a report confirming that they can't explain 143 UFO sightings, which is a wild revelation. Do you think that there's any credence to the idea that these might be actual extraterrestrial events, or do you think there's a simpler explanation to all of that?

I mean, I think it definitely it could be. I'm not writing it off. When you hear, you see videos, you can see video of Air Force pilots, and there's something on their radar that you just can't explain. I don't know if it's aliens. I don't know if it's probes or some sort of drone that someone sent out, I don't know. But it wouldn't surprise me if it was true. I mean, I think the universe is too big of a place for us to be all alone here. And if aliens are going to come somewhere, you should come to New Mexico because it's awesome and we're waiting for you.

So would you be team "Leave the aliens alone and let them do their thing," or "Let's initiate contact and see what happens"?

Oh, I would love to initiate contact. I would love to. I would love to go on a spaceship. I would love to go explore that. I think if ... There are all these movies, "War of the Worlds." There's all this stuff that imagines aliens are going to come here and destroy us. If you're going to travel all that distance, you're not looking to destroy anybody. So I think it would be a really interesting conversation. I think we would have a lot to learn from an advanced civilization that traveled all this way. I think we would have a lot to learn.

The series tackles a ton of critical social issues like immigration, ICE, and domestic violence. Have there been any of those subjects that particularly resonate with you and that you're proud of the show for homing in on? And is there something that you'd like to see them do in the future?

Well, for me personally, I mean, I'm a cop on the show. That's been a huge debate over the last couple of years, and this season, we get into the good and the bad of that. We see the good sides of it and what it can be, and then we also can see the bad side.

And for me personally, that's been something that I think we've talked about a little bit that I'm very happy with. And also, I mean, everyone just went through this huge pandemic. We can't ignore that. So that's something, when our character of Kyle, who's a doctor — what he's had to go through — I think that's one of the things that makes our show relatable and makes our show ... we're not shying away from the cop controversy. We're not shying away from the things people had to go through with the pandemic.

We're willing to talk about it. And thankfully, we have such a great platform to do that with this backdrop of aliens and all this stuff. We can really home in on the human aspects of that world, given the fact that we're an alien show. It makes talking about the human stuff much more, I think, palpable. And yeah, that's something that we've always done. And going forward, we'll see what the world has in store for us the next year or two, and we'll talk about that, whatever comes up, we're here for it.

Several other actors from the "Vampire Diaries" universe have also come to "Roswell." What was it like working with Riley Voelkel and Steven Krueger again — and getting a chance to work with other "TVD" alums, like Michael Trevino and Kayla Ewell?

It's great. I mean, CW does a great job of keeping the family together. Working with Trevino is fantastic. He's a great guy, and I've known him for a long time. Same with Jason Krueger and Riley. I've known them for a long time, and just to have those familiar faces around is always nice, but it's fun too then to see these people who, we come from this vampire-werewolf world, and now we're in this alien world. It's fun to see that transition and get to see what else they can bring to the table.

Definitely. So you've been a werewolf, you've been a vampire, you've been an alien, and you've even been a fairytale character. Do you have a favorite? And do you gravitate more toward shows with supernatural undertones, or did it just sort of happen that way?

It just sort of happened. I mean, I would say for me, my favorite is always just being a human. That seems to be the hardest job to get, but no, I mean, it just sort of happened. And it's fun because, like I was saying, having a backdrop of something supernatural highlights the humanity.

I mean, if you have this ... There are aliens, and there's this, and there's that, but then you have these human moments, and those are the ones that you hold precious because sure, you can throw people around and you can jump out of trees, and you can do all this crazy supernatural stuff. But at the end of the day, it's about the human moments. And I think that's what supernatural shows tend to bring out the most.

"Roswell" isn't your first time being on a CW show. You also starred in "The Originals." What was it like working on set with Phoebe Tonkin and Joseph Morgan and the rest of that cast?

Oh, they were great. I mean, we were out in Atlanta, and I mean, geez, that was like five, six, seven years ago now.

Really? That long?

Right? Crazy. But it was great. I mean, every set is going to be different, and we were in Atlanta for "The Originals." And so we had the Atlanta crew there, and we got to know that city a lot. And then moving out here to New Mexico, it's a completely different landscape. It's a completely different setup.

Thankfully it's nice to always have the familiar faces, but yeah, we have a New Mexico crew, and this platform is totally different because we're not talking about supernatural witchcraft and this and that. We're talking about sci-fi. We're talking about aliens. We're talking about all this other stuff. So I mean, they're both different. I mean, I loved Atlanta. I will always love Atlanta, but yeah, I'm just grateful to be out here in New Mexico now.

Is there anything you wish that Jackson did on the show before your storyline ended, and how do you feel about your character's first ending and then getting to meet Hope and Hayley again at the end?

I think that was a really sweet way to go out. Jackson was always a passenger on that ship. The story was about the vampires and about Phoebe's character, and Jackson was always just sort of a bystander. So, to have that kind of closure with Hope at the end and have that moment, it was nice. I think Jackson serves his purpose. The story wasn't about him, but yeah, it was nice that they brought me back, and I was able to have that moment.

To that end, "The Originals" birthed the backdoor pilot for the "Legacies" spinoff. Would you come back for something like a flashback episode if given the opportunity? Or are you happy with where it ended up?

I'm happy where it ended up. I think "Legacies" is on its own journey now. And I know the actress who plays Hope, and I know that they're on their own path. Jackson doesn't really have a place there.

The great thing about the entire "Vampire Diaries" franchise is its deep roots in history, culture, and folklore. Do you have any favorite storylines, time periods, or pieces of folklore that the show tackled throughout its run?

Yeah, I mean, I think when I was doing the vampire/werewolf stuff, it was fascinating to learn so much about where those legends came from. The origin stories of, you have, what was it? Vlad the Impaler was one of the first people thought to be vampires and these horribly dark stories that gave rise to these myths and legends.

And it was really, really fun to just learn about all of that and to learn the history of where these myths come from and why they're so compelling today. I mean, why do we still talk about this stuff? What is it that draws our attention to it? So it was just fun to learn, I mean, from an intellectual standpoint, just get into the mindsets of people that may have thought these bloodthirsty sorts of things. It was kind of wild, and yeah, it was a lot of fun to learn about.

You had a stint as James in the last season of "True Blood." Was it difficult coming on so late into such a beloved show? Were you nervous, or did you feel welcomed right away? And what was your biggest takeaway from that series?

I definitely felt welcomed. I actually knew Deborah Ann Woll, who played my love interest off the top. I knew her from way long ago. We actually go way back. So I was familiar enough with the cast and crew. They welcomed me in. It was weird coming in at the end of a show because they had been together for seven years at that point, that cast.

And stepping in, I got to see a lot of the heartbreak and the sadness of it coming to an end, but I was grateful to be a part of it. And I learned a lot from Stephen [Moyer] and from Anna [Paquin], and it was a great environment. I wish it had gone on longer, but I was grateful for the year that I got there.

You played another classic fairytale character in "Once Upon a Time" as Hansel. What was that experience like? And how do you feel that the show handled its own spin on the Hansel and Gretel fairytale? And do you have any fond memories of that set and that cast?

Well, I love that set. I mean, actually, our current showrunner, Chris Hollier, was one of the writers on that show. And I was in a situation this year similar to the one I was in when I was on "Once Upon a Time" — getting to have this dual life, this secret life. And I like the direction that they went on "Once Upon a Time," it was a lot of fun, but it was a great crew. It was a great cast. And it was fun to play a little darkly twisted version of a fairytale character. You think fairytales, you think happily ever after, but yeah, I didn't have one of those kinds of characters on that show, and it was really fun. It was very fun to play the dark side of all that.

Is there any other franchise that you'd like to break into? "Star Wars"? Marvel? Anything like that?

Oh, any of it, all of it. Yeah, sure. I mean, I would love to, Disney+, they're doing a lot of great stuff with Marvel and with the "Star Wars" franchise. And I mean, I would love to be any part of that because Marvel's just awesome. So, that would just be fun, but "Star Wars" is cool because it's a time period in and of itself. They really have created this out-of-time universe that there are spaceships, but they also have lightsabers, and they're sword fighting, but they're flying through the galaxy. So it's this weird mashup. That would definitely be fun. I mean, I would love to get into any of that.

Would you want to play an alien? A Jedi? Or a Sith?

Ooh.

That's the real question.

Maybe a Sith. I don't know. Yeah. I think that would be fun. Yeah, yeah. You just don't have rules at that point.

I feel like the Jedi don't follow any of their rules either. [Laughs]

That is true. They have a lot of rules, they just don't listen. Yeah.

Is there anything else that's upcoming for you that you want to talk about?

I don't know. I mean, right now, I'm just focused on Season 4. We get started in a couple weeks. I'm curious to see how we springboard off of Season 3, because Season 3 is wild, and I hope people enjoy it as much as we did filming it. So I'm excited to tackle Season 4, and then beyond that, we'll see if we get to Season 5.

We'll be lucky to do that, but yeah, I mean, there are always projects. There's so much happening in the world of TV right now and in film, and there are so many different avenues that you can take. We had actors on our show that were directing their own short films this past year that were doing all this. So there are tons of avenues for it. And I'm just focused on Season 4 right now. I'll be doing that for the next six months, and then beyond that, we'll see. We'll see what comes down the pipe.

Is there anything else about the show or anything else you want to add?

No. I mean, not really. I mean, I think I'm excited to hear feedback and to hear what people think about the different, the Jones, Max difference, this sort of dichotomy that we have in Season 3. I'm excited to see what people think about that and what that reveals going forward. And then, yeah, again, I'm excited to see these characters take a step forward in terms of their maturity with each other and respecting each other and Liz and Max finally figuring it out and finally getting on the same page for the first time. So that'll all be fun. That'll be fun looking forward.

Definitely. Well, congratulations on getting a new season before the current one has even popped off. I love seeing that.

#nathan dean parsons #max evans #rnm cast interviews #rnm spoilers #roswell new mexico s3

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yoonjinkooked · 3 years

Text

Kitchen Confidential | Jin | FINAL

Pairing: Seokjin / Reader

Rating: 18+

Genre: Enemies to lovers, chef AU

Warnings: explicit sex, cursing, no longer a slow burn ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), unprotected sex (don’t do that), traces of a biting kink, oral (f receiving), short handjob, feelings. A LOT of mentions of food, so you’ll most likely be very hungry for both food and Kim Seokjin.

Word Count: 9k+, previous chapters total to 16k

Summary: After years of annoying the life out of you, your rival, Kim Seokjin, pushes you a step too far and he knows it. As angry and resentful as you are, you don’t realize that something has been brewing under the surface for years. This weekend, that will change.

Read previous parts here: 1 / 2 / 3

SPINOFF ANNOUNCEMENT: COMING SOON, JUNGKOOK’S STORY IN THE SAME UNIVERSE AS KITCHEN CONFIDENTIAL

A/N: And it’s done! This one took a while but I’m proud of myself for finishing this fic. I’m more responsible with my writing each day, and that includes actually finishing the stories I start. I have a few ongoing ones and a few wips that I am yet to post but Jungkook’s spinoff will come soon. If all goes according to plan, I will have about...20ish fics in 2021? So, let’s hope all DOES go according to plan. Thank you for following through with this story. Let me know what you think!

Yesterday was something else entirely.

You may or may not have called Jungkook more than ten times. Of course, you had complete faith in him and deep down, you knew he was more than capable of running the kitchen without you but it didn’t hurt to check, did it? So you did. Ten times, before he threatened to block your number, which then had you dialing Namjoon. You had reassured him that your leg is perfectly fine and that you are perfectly capable of standing through service for one night. He insisted that you should rest and that they have everything under control. Which you believed, you really did but you still wanted to check. You’ve stopped calling when he threatened to fire you.

Today was a different story. With no news of a fire breaking out in Bonsai’s kitchen, you were noticeably more relaxed, ready to spend the entire day with your leg propped on a pillow, a tube of ice cream in your hands while rewatching the first season of The Office. All was going according to plan by the time the doorbell rang.

Looking at the clock, you see that it is only 7PM - Bonsai was still open, probably ready for dinner rush hour. It couldn’t be Jungkook and he is quite literally the only person who drops by unannounced whenever he pleases. Did you order food and had a memory blank? You were going to order the house specialty from that new fancy Italian place at the other side of town, just to keep an eye on competition. But did you actually order it? Or are you going crazy?

The doorbell rings again and begrudgingly, you start getting up. “Coming!” you yell, grabbing your wallet as you go, wondering if you even have enough spare change for a tip. No longer wobbling, you simply walk slowly and unlock the door, your jaw dropping when you open it.

On the other side of the door, with a goofy smile on his face and his hands full of paper shopping bags is no one other than Kim Seokjin himself.

“Hi,” he offers a greeting and you could swear you see nerves hiding behind the smile - sure enough, when you stay silent for a second too long, still too confused to speak, you see the tip of his ears turning red. That always used to happen whenever one of the teachers at culinary school was about to taste his dish in front of the entire class. And you probably shouldn’t be aware of that.

“Um… to what do I owe the pleasure?” you ask, once you can finally speak.

“I took a day off,” he announces, as if that is the only explanation you need. “I figured since you’re still officially on sick leave and your leg must hurt, you probably don’t want to cook,” he trails off, his ears now becoming redder. “I guess I just wanted to do something nice.”

“You want to make me dinner?” you check if you heard him correctly. This entire situation seems like a figment of your imagination, a very bizarre one at that. And you don’t even want to know how he knew where you live - that can of worms is not going to be opened.

“Yeah,” he nods proudly. “I mean, I’ll eat too, if you let me,” he jokes and when you stay silent, the smile slowly melts from his face. Realizing that you are leaving him hanging, you step aside to let him in.

“Come on in, the kitchen is the second door on the right,” you inform him and watch, still in a state of shock, as he takes off his shoes in the hallway before making his way down the hallway. That’s when you finally snap out of it, realizing that you won’t have enough time to process this as it’s happening. “What are we making?” you ask as you follow him into the kitchen.

“We are not making anything,” he emphasised as he sets the bags down on the kitchen island, before turning to face you with a stern expression, which instantly makes you feel like a scolded child. “I will be doing all the work as you sit back, relax and have a glass of wine. Unless you’re taking meds for your leg? I didn’t think of that,” he mumbles softly, frowning at the ground.

“No meds,” you inform him. His solemn expression turns bright so fast, you think you might be experiencing whiplash. What the fuck is going on here?! “What are you making?”

“I was wondering what would make an enjoyable, hearty meal that could speed up your recovery process,” he starts explaining. You want to tell him that a leg injury can’t be cured with food but you bite your tongue, not wanting to appear hostile, especially not when he’s in the middle of his grand gesture. You watch as he starts taking the ingredients out of the shopper bags - not one, but two bottles of Pinot Noir, the expensive kind too, followed by mushrooms, a whole bunch of veggies and one gigantic chunk of meat. It’s wrapped, but judging by his choice of wine, it has to be beef.

“You’re making beef stew?” you guess, surprised but not disappointed by his choice of dish. He, on the other hand, seems offended.

“What do you take me for?” he asks, very obviously exaggerating his reaction. “I’m a trained chef, Y/N. I’m making beef bourguignon.”

“Which is just a slightly fancier version of a beef stew,” you laugh, using humour to avoid thinking about the cook and prep time of beef bourguignon - at the very least three hours, even more if you want to Julia Child it and let it simmer properly. More than three hours with Kim Seokjin, in a row, without anyone around to hide behind? “Sounds good!” you lie, trying to look excited because you truly don’t want to ruin something that just seems like a nice gesture.

“Perfect!” he beams at you. “Now, where do you keep your chopping boards?”

No, you don’t have the time to think about it, not while it’s literally ongoing. You shake your head and decide to roll with the punches. “I want to help you, though. I can’t just sit here and let you do all the work. Not to mention how wrong it feels to have someone cooking in my kitchen,” you add, realizing that no one other than yourself ever cooked here - no one, ever.

“The cupboard under the sink,” you tell him as you sit down drag a chair towards the kitchen island, worried about the predicament you are in. First, the feelings, the ones you have shamelessly pushed under the rug and had refused to acknowledge. They have blindsided you and you can’t even properly define and understand him and now he is here, in your apartment, your kitchen, making dinner.

Not to mention that you aren’t exactly wearing your Sunday best. He’s all jeans and an elegant blue sweater, while you’re in mis-matched sweatpants and sweatshirt, which are both a size or two too big for you. Your hair is a mess and frankly, you can’t even recall if you’d washed your face this morning. You are a mess, both physically and emotionally and he has cornered you, most likely without even realizing it.

“In that case, you can peel and chop,” he starts laughing at your exasperated expression. “Come on, don’t look at me like that - I’m trying to do something nice here. The point is for you to relax and enjoy a good meal, a meal that someone else has cooked for you. And if you do insist on helping, then you can peel and chop.”

There’s a lump in your throat and you think you know why. It’s the feelings, they’re making you feel touched by his actions. He is spending his day off here, doing something nice for you, on his own free will? Just a week ago, all of this would have been a major red flag. And now it’s just something that makes you feel thankful, giddy even.

“Give me my peeler then,” you say, holding the palm of your hand open, waiting.

He smirks at you, shaking his head with what looks like disbelief and you smirk back, unable to stop yourself. The not so subtle stare off between you isn’t uncomfortable. It’s miles away from the feeling you had over the weekend, when you were straight up avoiding making direct eye contact with him. This time, you’re keeping it up, smiling when he is the one who breaks. He turns around and opens one of the drawers, finding the peeler on the first try before leaning over the island and handing it to you with a smirk still present on his face.

“Let’s start working, chef.”

The decision to slow down with the wine after your first glass was a good one. Not only is the wine one of the best ones you’ve tasted in a while, you also wanted to keep a clear head. Alcohol tends to greatly weaken your brain to mouth filter and that can’t happen when you’re one on one with Seokjin. You don’t want to ruin the evening.

It felt as if he was the same Seokjin he was back when you first started school. The interesting, charming guy with a good sense of humor. He can still act over the top, which he did, but he was more toned down than usual. Is usual even the right word? It’s not, not when you don’t have much to compare it to. This is the first time the two of you have been alone for more than a few minutes, simply talking and enjoying the conversation.

“You can’t be serious,” Seokjin laughs, putting one of the plates that he was washing back in the sink to turn around and give you a doubtful look. “You mean outside the subway, right?”

“Nope, it was below ground, right around the corner from the trains,” you confirm, remembering that day clearly. “I remember that I was starving, so maybe that’s why the croissant was so good. It was cheap, on a Parisian subway and it still is my favorite food memory from Paris.”

“You’re picking that subway croissant over… ratatouille or bouillabaisse?”

“I said favorite, not the most delicious one,” you point out with a laugh. “Travelling and eating go hand in hand, at least to me. Wherever I went, I’ve made a point to spend a good amount of my budget just on food. I’d go where the locals go, try food I didn’t recognize… Honestly, I miss that. I’m limited to one vacation a year and it’s usually just one destination.”

“I get that,” he tells you as he continues washing the dishes, which he insisted to do, despite your multiple offers to at least cover the clean up part of the evening. “A good friend of mine lives in Greece, owns an amazing restaurant. I’ve gone there for the past three years and don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, I live for Greek food. But I want to explore more, you know?”

“That’s very relatable,” you sigh, suddenly feeling a little bit regretful. “I’ve been to Italy, Japan, France numerous times, had the most amazing experiences but there are so many other places waiting to be discovered and I just play it safe. I want to go somewhere and try… I don’t know, all the weird stuff that sounds unappetizing but is actually the local specialty. I’m a bit tired of the classic dishes that end up on our menus and comfort food.”

“What’s your favorite comfort food?” Seokjin asks you, as he finally wraps up his work and joins you, sitting across the island and reaching for his own glass of wine as you try to think of an answer. Comfort food by taste or comfort food by memory?

“I have to go with potatoes.”

He chokes on his drink, making you laugh at his reaction. Once again, you are met with a look of disbelief. “Are you kidding me? Potatoes? Out of all the food in the world?”

“You said comfort food, not favorite food,” you remind him with a grin. “And yeah, it’s potatoes. They’re so simple and versatile and you can do whatever the hell you want with them. When I was a kid, my mom used to make me and my brother these stuffed, roasted potatoes. I don’t even know the ingredients honestly, I’ve never tried making them myself like that. To get that original comfort food taste, it has to be made by my mom. No one else.”

“I’m a professional chef and I still fully acknowledge that I’m nowhere near as good as my mom is,” Seokjin’s admission makes you laugh but you understand it fully. “She used to make the most amazing mac and cheese. Unlike you, I did try to recreate it - I followed her recipe to a T and still ended up with a sad imitation. Nothing ever beats the food you grew up eating.”

“Are you close to your family?” you ask and regret it immediately, wondering if that is too much, if you’re asking questions you have no business knowing answers to. You’ve known Seokjin for years but you could hardly call him a friend when you know so little about him.

“Yeah, I’d say so,” he nods, not even hesitating to share information about his personal life. “I visit them often and I try to go fishing with my brother as much as I can. What about you?”

“As close as we can be,” you shrug, reaching for your wine. “You know what our working hours are like and as much as I want to drive and see them on the weekends, I often just can’t. And my brother lives abroad with his wife and kids, so we rarely see each other. We facetime often, though. His kids are already starting school next year.”

“I have a niece,” Seokjin smiles with that cute, content smile that now feels familiar. You wait as he pulls out his phone, turning it to proudly show off the photo he selected - it’s him with a child in his arms, a little girl with the cutest face, big smile and tiny little pigtails. She can’t be more than three years old and she looks so happy to be held by her uncle.

“Oh, she is so cute! She adores you, doesn’t she?” the words leave your mouth before you can stop them.

“I think she loves me more than her parents,” he admits, breaking into a fit of laughter. “She doesn’t let go of me, which I don’t mind, I adore the kid, but she just fuels my mother’s need for more grandchildren and when she clings to me… well…”

“Oh, I know,” you wave your hand. “Mine have two grandchildren and not a single reunion passes without them wondering when I’m going to reproduce.” They mean well, you know that and you don’t hold it against them. There are just times when they make you feel like you’re not doing a good enough job with the life they’ve given you, just because you haven’t had kids yet. Yes, they mean well but that’s not something you often want to hear.

“Do you want kids?” he asks. It should feel weird, it really should, talking about these things with him. It’s personal, too personal even, but you feel so at ease around him tonight, you can’t be bothered to care. It doesn’t feel wrong, not in the slightest.

“One day, yeah,” you shrug, seeing as this wasn’t something you thought about often. When you’re single and haven’t had a serious relationship in years, kids are on the back burner. “What about you? I don’t know why, but I never pegged you for a parental type.”

“You don’t know me very well then,” he laughs and the way he does it is so… cheeky and teasing. If anyone else was sitting here with you right now, you would swear on your life that they were flirting. Without a doubt, the teasing smile and raised eyebrow would make your mind go in that direction. Seeing as this is Seokjin, you can’t be too sure. It goes against everything he has ever said and done. But like a curse, Jungkook’s words come back to haunt you again. Would it be so weird to think that he likes you? He is here, after all.

“You’re right,” you nod as you put down your glass. “I don’t know you very well, do I?” he seems surprised at your question, even going so far as to look uncomfortable. Only for a second, before he offers you a smile.

“What would you like to know?”

“Why are you here?” you ask. It wasn’t what you were planning on asking, not by a long shot. You wanted to ask stupid questions, to find out what his favorite movies are, what’s his most embarrassing memory - the things you know about your friends. A game of 20 questions was what you had in mind when pointing out that you don’t really know a lot about him but when the opportunity presented itself, your self control had other plans. And seriously - why is he here?

Seokjin blinks a couple of times, seemingly needing time to process your question and think of a decent answer. “I wanted to do something nice,” he shrugs, giving you the same excuse that he had given earlier. You didn’t doubt it much then but now you’ve started wondering. “We’ve decided to start over and I… wanted to extend an olive branch.”

It makes perfect sense and you don’t believe a single word of it. “Why are you really here?” you push, following your instinct. Said instinct might be affected by the feelings but it’s there. And if there is one thing you’ve learned in life, it’s to follow your gut feeling - always.

Seokjin chuckles nervously and lo and behold, his ears give him away. “Do you think there’s an ulterior motive here?” he asks, shaking his head. He’s a decent actor, but not nearly as good as he thinks he is. He’s way too defensive for someone with no ulterior motives. “I didn’t poison the beef bourguignon, if that’s what you’re aiming at,” he adds, pointing back at the stove, where your dinner has been slowly simmering for about an hour now.

“No, I don’t think you’re trying to poison me,” you chuckle, shaking your head, wondering if you should just stop talking and drop the whole thing entirely. “I thought that… You know what? Never mind,” you decide, knowing that some questions are perhaps better left unanswered. “Tell me, what’s your favorite TV show? Are you a binger or a once a week type of guy?”

“Y/N, you don’t get to change topics on me like that,” Seokjin looks serious now, refusing to break eye contact. You struggle to not look away, knowing that you have pushed it too far and now you’re unable to backtrack. He won’t let you. “What did you think?” he asks.

What’s the worst thing that could happen if you answer truthfully? He could laugh at you and that’s pretty much it. And if he does start laughing, you can play it off and join in on the joke. And if he pulls the ultimate dick move and tells your mutual friends about it, you can always deny.

“The things that happened over the weekend had made me wonder,” you tell him, deciding to leave out the part when Jungkook opened your eyes to this possibility. “Some of the things that you’ve said kind of got my wheels spinning, you know?” you ask. As he swallows a lump, still not looking away from you, you decide to rip off the bandaid and throw your theory out. “Call me crazy and feel free to laugh and tell me I’m a fool but… Seokjin… do you like me?”

Zero emotions are shown on his face. It’s the most perfect poker face that you have ever seen - exposed forehead, full lips and all. Self confidence was never a strong suit of yours, except in the kitchen of course, but you know better than to try and backtrack now. Seconds ago, it was still salvageable. Now, you’ve said it and it’s out in the open. You were either right or wrong.

You wait, not backing away from the nth stare down of the night. You wait, letting him have his time to prepare an answer, whether it’s the truth or a lie. If your suspicions weren’t correct, wouldn’t he have already said something?

“What gave me away?”

And there it is. Jungkook was right and you were blind. How are you supposed to feel now? Relieved? Worried? Panicked? Amused? None of those make sense, nor do they describe the way you are feeling now. With Seokjin looking at you as if he has finally given up, finally surrendered, the only emotion that you can single out with clarity is curiosity.

“Wow. I mean, I wasn’t sure, I half expected you to laugh mockingly or something,” you admit, finally looking away and shaking your head, as if that’s supposed to get your thoughts in order. “The other night, when you said that you just did it to make me laugh… I thought, maybe…”

Lies. Jungkook figured it out, and even then, you refused to believe. Even now, you’re still expecting Seokjin to start laughing, claiming that he had pulled off the ultimate prank. He doesn’t - in fact, he looks more serious than you’ve ever seen him.

“Makes sense,” he lets out a dark chuckle. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Or pissed at myself. I’ve said too much, I’ve set myself up,” the way he runs a hand through his hair, with that solemn look on his face makes him look… hot. Like, really hot. “But at least it’s out in the open, right? Now you know.”

“Wait,” you raise a hand. “I have no idea what you’re trying to say. Like… since when? How? Why? I… I don’t get it.”

“Since when?” he laughs. Now you’re borderline worried, the guy looks like he’s going to experience a mental breakdown any second now. “Pretty much for as long as we’ve known each other. I know, shocking,” he adds, seeing how your eyes had widened when you heard his answer. “To think how I thought that I was obvious.”

“Oh no, you weren’t,” you sit up straighter, your voice raised up a notch. “You were anything but, Seokjin. I thought you despised me! That I was your arch nemesis or some shit like that.”

“Well, maybe I wasn’t obvious to you but I was to others, I’m damn sure all of Catnip knows by now,” he tells you and he looks as if he is calming himself down. His voice is lower and he’s no longer making eye contact, but staring at the island between you. “What I said was true, I did do it to make you laugh and somewhere along the way, I’ve pissed you off, so much so that you went on thinking that I hated you. Which I don’t, by the way. Never have.”

“You… you are a horrible flirt, you know that, right?” is all you can say now, still trying to wrap your head around the fact that the man had a crush on you for years. This time when he laughs, it’s not the dark tone that his laughter had just moments ago. This time around, his laughter is very much genuine, but it also dies down fast.

“I’m very much aware of that,” he confirms, finally looking your way again. There’s not a trace of positive emotion on his face. It’s as if he has completely given up on this conversation ending with a positive outcome. You can’t blame them for that - given the questioning that you’re putting him through and your history together - if you were in his shoes, you’d also see this as an uncomfortable rejection conversation.

Is it, though? It would be, if it weren’t for the feelings. They’re there. You have no fucking clue what they are, much less what they mean but they are there and you can’t ignore their existence any longer. They remind you that once upon a time, he really did make you laugh. That this whole dumb rivalry made you want to work harder and be better, even if it was for the petty reason of simply being better than him. The feelings remind you that you did always consider him attractive, that that stupid smile that he has when he’s truly happy and content does things to you. The feelings remind you that you can recognize the tell-tale signs of his embarrassment. You might not know him well, every line and crevice, every positive and negative but you still know more than you had originally thought. And you want to know more.

“Why?” you ask, knowing you won’t have a peace of mind until you know, even if asking such questions might make him feel uncomfortable. “Why me? I just… I don’t get it.”

“Neither do I,” he answers immediately, shrugging his shoulders. “I don’t have a big reason behind it or a particular moment when I realized. Liking you was instant. Of course, it didn’t develop into something… deeper straight away. That part lasted years, but it was impossible not to like you, Y/N. We’re chefs. We make food, that’s our job - our job is to take food and cook it, presented in a visually appealing manner and charge for it more than we should. And you take such a simple, almost meaningless thing and turn it into an art form.”

Although touching and meaningful, his words confuse the life out of you. “You like me because I’m a good chef?” you ask, wondering if you’ve missed something.

“I like you because of the dedication you give to it,” he elaborates. “That stupid excercise that we did the other day didn’t let me do you justice. The look on your face that you’ve had on that first day remains the same now, whenever I see you taking the simplest ingredients and turning them into art. I have admired that and it’s one of the reasons why my eyes would look for you every damn time we were in that test kitchen. You were there and so focused, so beautiful and so damn good at what you did. And smart, funny, a good leader and a good friend. It also didn’t hurt that you look damn hot when you’re focused on something.”

The last part he adds, almost like an afterthought and it makes you laugh. He laughs too, when you make eye contact. The feelings have gone haywire. You officially have no control of them because the things that he has said about you, you recognized in him as well, at one point or another. He is so good at what he does, dedicated and driven, while also being a good leader and from what you’ve seen, an awesome friend. To others he was funny - to you, he was a pain in the ass that just so happened to look damn hot when he was focused on something.

“I don’t know what to say,” you admit when you start feeling as if the silence is lasting too long.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he waves his hand, dismissing your suggestion and once again, confusing the hell out of you. “It’s out in the open and now you know why I was an idiot for all those years. I meant what I said when I told you that I wanted us to start fresh and be friendly with one another. I’m a big boy, I know that what’s not meant to be is not meant to be.”

“No, you’re not,” you shake your head, amused at the confusion etched on his face. “You are childish and often petty and honestly, at times you are the most insufferable being on this planet and I can’t even begin to describe how confusing it is that I find that endearing.”

As you listed all the things he is, you watched as his face fell, but you didn’t have a chance to feel bad about it, not when you know that despite all of that, he’s still a good guy. He’s still Seokjin, with all his quirks and insufferable moments. And as much as you might want to deny it, you like him. You really do like him.

“Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t always endearing - in fact, more often than not, you were a real pain in the ass. You’re not a big boy who can handle rejection well and I don’t want to see you handle it. I don’t want to watch you struggle to get over this crush of yours for weeks, months even. I also don’t want to watch you finding it easy to get over it, completely forgetting all about it in a matter of days,” you tell him and you’re not even sure if the words make sense but they go out of your mouth and into his ears, making his eyes go wide.

“Y/N, what are you trying to say?”

“I have no fucking clue,” you shrug, getting up from your chair. “I didn’t have enough time to process any of this. Just minutes ago, I thought there’s no way in hell that you’re that dumb to pull a third grader flirting technique,” you keep talking as you walk over to him, watching him as he turns to face you, slightly alarmed by your sudden proximity, even if there’s a good two feet between you. “I’m not fully aware of what I’m saying, or feeling for that matter, but I do know that I am feeling something. Don’t ask me to define it, cause I can’t, not in this mindfuck of a plot twist that my life did not prepare me for. I just know that I want to test something out.”

“Test? Test out what?” he asks as you take the final step to close the gap between you.

“This,” is all you tell him as you grab a hold of his cute blue sweater and pull him closer, not wasting a single second before you press your lips to his. Neither of you moves for a moment or two, he out of shock and you out of pure confusion because why the hell are you kissing Kim Seokjin?! A few seconds pass and it’s he who starts moving, bringing life into your dead kiss. And the moment he does, you feel it in the pit of your stomach that there is nothing, absolutely nothing wrong about this. When he puts his hands on your sides, you let yours move from where they were clutching onto his sweater up and around his neck, pulling him down, closer to you. The strands of hair that reach the nape of his neck feel like silk under your fingers and when you feel his tongue graze your bottom lip, you softly gasp.

That makes him pull away - that little gasp of yours seems like a wake-up call for him because he is pulling away, his eyes wide, making him look as if he thinks he is imagining all of this. He looks shocked but he is not letting go of you and your hands are still locked behind his neck.

“Kissing you is good,” you conclude. “I want to keep doing that.”

“Zero complaints here,” is all he says before he stands up and kisses you again. Without breaking the kiss, he twists your hips to the side, making you lean back on the island, the edge of the surface pressing into your back as he essentially cages you.

It’s funny, how many things about him you never really realized. For example, how tall he actually is and how much he has to bend down in order to kiss you, which he does, diligently. You also have never noticed how clear his skin is, not until your fingers grazed his cheeks softly. He was in front of you, right in front of you, all these years and until tonight, he was nothing more than an annoying guy with a good face. How wrong you were…

“Of course, you’re a good kisser too,” he sighs as he breaks the kiss, leaning his forehead on yours, his eyes still closed. “Are you an overachiever in every aspect of your life?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” you tease, chuckling when he backs away, startled.

“That’s not… I wasn’t trying to insinuate something,” he defends himself immediately.

“But I am,” you giggle at the way his eyes widen. You can’t blame him - this night has made you go from zero to sixty in no time. That realization does make you nervous but you’ve already decided to push it back and just do whatever it is that you want to do. “I’m telling you, I don’t want to think or define. We can deal with that later. Now, I just want… you.”

Seokjin takes a second, gulping, looking at you as if he is waiting for you to laugh in his face or take the offer back. When he stays silent for what you deem as a bit too long, you smile softly at him and drag your thumb across his bottom lip - it’s so soft and inviting, already red from the kisses that you’ve shared. You want him and he needs to stop second guessing that.

Whatever it is that he was looking for on your face, he seems to have found it because he’s suddenly kissing you again, with a lot more ferocity than he did just moments ago. That was a kiss, a first kiss, a getting-to-know-what-this-feels-like kiss - this is a kiss. Hands digging into your skin, tongue driving you crazy with gasps and heavy breathing kind of kiss.

You are the one who pulls away but you stay silent, taking his hand into yours and leading him towards the door. A silent moment is exchanged when he looks at the stove, where your dinner is still cooking, then back to you. Beef bourguignon takes hours to make and given the years of expertise between the two of you, you’re comfortable with leaving the stove on. So you laugh and he does too, before you pull him into the hallway.

Along the way, you kiss, hit a few walls and your sweatshirt is left discarded on the floor - you don’t have time for another freakout at how ridiculously unprepared you are for this because the way he looks at you kills the little insecurities that haunt you. His eyes scan over any area of skin that they can see while his fingers slide over the very edge of your bra, tickling the skin they graze. Goosebumps cover your skin and you all but slam him into your bedroom door.

“Woah,” he laughs. “Never thought you were this impatient.”

“I’m usually not,” you admit with a shrug.

“I’m not complaining,” he laughs as the two of you waddle towards the bed, still pressed to one another. You smile as you push him gently onto the bed. He looks up at you, mouth open and eyebrows raised. “Oh, I am not complaining at all!”

Smiling, you straddle his lap and pause for a second, taking a moment to get used to what’s happening. Unlike you, he is patient - he simply looks at you, a strange mix of awe and giddiness written on his face. His hands are glued to your hips and he runs his thumbs in circles, gently. It looks as if he’s relishing the moment and letting you take the lead in what’ll happen next. “This is really happening, isn’t it?” you ask, your chest filling with pride when he shows you that signature smile of his, the one that causes a ruckus among the butterflies in your stomach.

“I think it is,” he leans closer to you, connecting his lips to your neck and that one, simple action is enough to make you realize that if he’s down, you’ll be more than happy to take it all the way tonight. Neck kisses are a universal weakness and you’re gladly going to let him use it to his advantage. “If this ends up being a wet dream of mine, I’m going to be so pissed when I wake up,” he admits before nipping at your skin, an action that elicits a whole new wave of horniness to take over you. Neck kisses are bad enough - neck bites will be your downfall.

“If it is a wet dream, come and find me when you wake up and tell me what you’ve told me tonight. Then we’ll see what we can do about it,” you joke, laughing even harder when he grabs a hold of you and moves you down on the bed. This is the first sign of initiative that he has shown so far and you are not complaining. It’s your turn now to gulp as he hovers above you, looking down at your body like he is seconds away from eating you alive.

“I thought you were hot before but I never thought you were hiding all of this under your clothes,” he tells you as he pulls down on the straps of your bra - at least your underwear is a matching black set, if the rest of you is a mess. Lifting your back from the bed, you help him take the fabric off and he grins up at you once your boobs are out in the open. “Chef’s uniforms really didn’t do your boobs justice.”

“You’ve seen me in casual clothes plenty of times,” you laugh at his antics. He’s known you for years, there’s no way he didn’t catch a good view of your cleavage in all that time.

“Not nearly as often as I should have,” he mumbles and before you have a chance to talk back, he leaves you speechless as he attaches his mouth to you, immediately giving your nipple a gentle bite. Eyes rolling into the back of your head, you do your best to stay silent - there’s no way in hell Seokjin won’t be cocky about this later and you don’t want to give him too much material to work with right off the bat.

It doesn’t take long for you to realize that one of the hottest things about being with Seokjin like this is simply seeing Seokjin like this. There is just something so inherently hot about the way his eyes close as rolls his tongue across your nipple. He makes the sight even hotter than the action itself, especially when he reaches for your other breast, gently playing with it as he pleases. Simple actions like that are already driving you nuts and you can only worry about what’s to come later. And it gets worse - turned on by the sight, you reach for him, moving the hair away from his eyes and the second you two make eye contact, a moan leaves you - a loud, shameless one at that. You could swear his eyes twinkled then and there.

“Please tell me you have a condom,” he starts kissing down your body.

“If you’re clean, you don’t need it. I’m clean and on the pill.”

He suddenly stops kissing you, choosing to laugh instead. “You’re telling me that a week ago you could barely stand being in the same room with me and now you’re letting me sleep with you without a condom?”

“I mean...” you shrug, joining in on his laughter. “I’m sure stranger things have happened.”

“Not to me they haven’t,” he jokes, before immediately turning serious. “Are you sure you want this? I really don’t want you to regret it,” he admits.

“The only thing I’m going to regret is letting you take the lead because you’re taking too long and you’re still in your clothes.”

“Easy,” he laughs as he hooks his fingers past the waistband of your sweatpants and slowly starts pulling them down, leaving your underwear in place. “Eat what makes you happy, they say,” he says and you roll your eyes. Of course, leave it to Seokjin to think pussy.

“They also say don’t play with your food,” you playfully remind him as you kick off the pants. He doesn’t laugh - instead, he reaches for your leg and softly caresses it.

“Is your leg going to be okay?” he asks and if you weren’t whipped beyond belief before, you are now. Even you have managed to completely forget about your injury but he hasn't. Even now, Seokjin finds ways to prove you wrong and show how thoughtful he actually is.

You simply nod and that’s confirmation enough for him. His hand trails up and on the inside of your thigh pausing before touching your wet underwear. He gives you a questioning look, not touching you until you confirm that that’s what you want. You nod quickly and in a matter of seconds, the last of your clothes is on the floor, and Seokjin is diving right in.

Despite complaining that he’s taking too long, you realize that he’s not the one to tease - at least not tonight. His mouth connects with your clit almost immediately and it’s enough to make you moan again. He licks, sucks and grazes his teeth against it, letting you hold onto his hair like your life depends on it. He’s good, which makes perfect sense because leave it to Kim Seokjin to give you the best oral sex of your entire life. You won’t tell him - not now, perhaps not ever, cause he doesn’t need that to get into his head too, but good lord is he good.

“Can I?” he asks, tracing his finger across your opening.

“Seokjin, at this point you can do whatever the fuck you want,” you laugh, a laugh that turns into a moan when he sinks his finger in, curving it up immediately and making you arch your back.

“Is this good?” he asks and the feelings go berserk again. In your mind, it can’t get any better than a man that actually pays attention to what his lover enjoys.

“More than,” you moan as he adds another finger and effectively ends your conversation. He is driving you crazy - something that you’ve noticed before, when you side eyed his chopping skills years ago, is how he has beautiful hands with long, almost elegant fingers. Never did you think that those fingers would be inside you, making you count your blessings and struggle to not moan out his name. A struggle that you have lost when he puts a third finger to use.

You want more - as amazing as it is, you want more. You want to kiss him, to feel him inside you, to make him feel as good as he is making you feel now. As much as you didn’t want to stop him, as much as you’d gladly spend hours like this, you wanted and needed more.

“Seokjin, stop,” he does so immediately, looking up at you in worry. His face is covered in your wetness and the sight makes you want to cry. He has never looked hotter than he does right now, between your legs, the evidence of your pleasure all over his face and his hair a mess because of you. “I want you. Wanna kiss you.”

“But you taste heavenly,” he pouts, turning his head to leave kisses on your thigh.

“I’ll taste heavenly a bit later too,” you push, knowing that no matter how good this feels, it can get better for the both of you. “Come on, I want to see you.”

Grinning, he gives your thigh a quick bite - the man has a biting kink, there’s no denying it. While that’s something you’ve never given much thought before, you are now finding it very enjoyable. What’s even more enjoyable is the sight of Seokjin taking his sweater off. You’ve known he’s handsome, you’re not blind, but never in a million years would you think that he’s so well defined. He’s not buff, far from it. He is just so perfectly defined, every muscle on his stomach noticeable and if you’re being completely honest with yourself, lickable.

He undresses quickly as you ogle at him, your breath hitching the moment he drops his pants.

“Well, that explains a lot,” you comment as you eye his dick - hard, girthy and surprisingly big.

“What?” Seokjin is confused and you giggle at the way he hides his dick with his hands. “You think I’m compensating for something?”

“Quite the opposite,” you answer honestly. “I imagine it’s easy being so full of yourself with a dick like that.”

“Is that an insult or a compliment?” he laughs.

“Both,” you would have been more cheeky if he hadn’t started stroking himself, the sight driving you absolutely crazy. “Please. I want to feel you.”

You don’t have to say it again - he moves to loom over you and finally, after what feels like hours and not mere minutes, you can kiss him again. The taste of you on his tongue doesn’t bother you. It’s the opposite, actually, making this moment and Seokjin himself even hotter to you. He lets you push him down onto the bed and without breaking the kiss, you station yourself above him. For the first time tonight, his hands grab a hold of your ass and he squeezes - hard.

Both of you stay silent as you move, putting your arm between the two of you to grab a hold of his dick as you kiss. He lets out a groan the moment you wrap your hands around it. Movements gentle and slow, teasing even, knowing that this is the only chance you get to focus on his pleasure. You’d gladly take him into your mouth but you’re much too impatient for that tonight. A brief hand job will have to do, and judging by his reactions, it’s more than enough.

You are surprised at how vocal Seokjin actually is in bed, not that you’ve given it much thought before. He’s not holding back, his moans low and deep, not embarrassed in the slightest to show you how good you’re making him feel. After one particular, higher pitched moan, you decide to do the same. You were holding back before, stupidly worried about your own dignity and giving him material to tease you endlessly. You won’t anymore.

Biting your bottom lip and pulling it as he breaks the kiss, he leans back, looking at you with lust in his eyes, his cheeks the exact same shade as the tips of his ears. You want to take a photograph, to memorize the sight of him being turned. It feels like a privilege that only you have and you want to commit it to memory. “Y/N, please,” is all he says.

Slowly, you line him up to your entrance and with your bottom lip between your teeth, you sink down on him. Immediately, the both of you groan at the feeling. Him being inside you feels right in all the wrong ways, a feeling so right that you know you’re going to miss it when it’s gone.

He is the one who moves first, lifting his hips to get you to move. Smiling down at him, you grab a hold of his shoulders and slowly move your hips, letting him almost slip out of you before swallowing him whole again. Each roll of your hips faster than the previous one, not even a minute passes before Seokjin moves his hands away from your ass and pulls you directly on top of him, chest to chest, lips stuck in a slow kiss as he slams up into you.

“Fuck, you feel so good Y/N,” he tells you and follows it with a particular hard thrust that makes you grip his shoulders harder, holding on for dear life. Having never been with him before, you couldn’t tell if he was close or not. You weren’t, yet strangely, that doesn’t bother you whatsoever. That can be dealt with easily - now, all you want to do is enjoy the feeling of him slamming into you, hard and fast, and the sight of him barely keeping it together.

“Happy to hear that,” you giggle before said giggle is rudely interrupted with another harsher snap of his hips. “Fine, fine, you’re not so bad yourself,” you tease and the look he gives you is enough for you to know that you’ll regret saying that. Immediately.

Without any warning, he flips you around and slams you down on the bed, his dick never leaving you. Before you can even react in any way, your healthy leg is pushed up towards your chest and Seokjin slams into you with a purpose. “You talk about how I annoyed the life out of you, pretending like you’ve never bickered back with that mouth of yours,” his words are menacing and incredibly sexy, but the way he is eating you up with his eyes kills any doubt that his words are actually resentful. “I’m glad I’ve found a way to shut you up,” he announces and as if you weren’t losing your mind already, he sneaks a finger between your legs and pinches your clit, eliciting the loudest moan of the night. “Or maybe not.”

“Seokjin!”

“Fuck, you sound so hot screaming my name,” his pace speeds up, knowing that your orgasm is right around the corner - his thrusts become more shallow but his fingers rub your clit in the speed of light. “Come on Y/N, come for me.”

As much as you wish that your body complied and let you come on his command, it didn’t happen that way. It took a few thrusts more, a few more harsher movements of his fingers, but by the time your orgasm has washed over you, you were gasping loudly, digging your nails into the skin of his back. Your brain was mush and you could barely recognize the words he’s saying, something about how you’re squeezing him so good. He doesn’t stop moving, helping you ride out your orgasm to the point of overstimulation. Coming out of your post-orgasm haze, you fight the overstimulation and focus on him, noticing how his thrusts are getting more erratic. He looks so out of it, hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, his shoulders red with how strong you are gripping him. Slowly, you slide your hands up and around his neck, pulling him down to you, ignoring the painful stretch in your leg.

“You can finish inside me,” you tell him, hushing his loud moan with a kiss. It’s a hectic kiss, your lips barely moving because he’s gasping into your mouth and you’re moaning at the feeling of his dick twitching inside you. “Seokjin, please come for me.”

Was it you begging for him to come or a creampie kink, you have no idea and you don’t particularly care because the moment he comes and starts filling you up, you’re on cloud nine. It feels as good as an actual orgasm, to know that you, your body, the way you made him feel was enough to make him explode, very literally. You were the one helping him now, lifting up your hips as he stood still, his face buried in your neck, his groans filling your ear. His dick is still twitching but his body has completely given up - he drops your leg and practically falls on top of you, having enough strength and sanity to soften the blow with his hands.

His hands give up slowly and in a matter of seconds every inch of him is pressed up against you. You don’t care, too busy relishing the feeling of his breaths on your neck and his cum slowly dripping out of you and around his dick. God, you wish you could see it but the position won’t let you. Instead of pushing him away to get a better view, you close your eyes and let your body calm down together with his.

His weight on top of you should feel suffocating but it’s not. It feels comforting and right, which scares you to an extent but not enough to chicken out and push him away, especially not when he starts kissing any parts of you he can reach, focusing on your shoulder. After a few moments he rolls over but stays close, his hand draped over your side. You look at each other and it’s impossible not to smile because he is beaming. You can’t remember if you’ve ever seen him this happy. You must have - it’s just that you probably weren’t paying attention.

“So… that happened,” he speaks up first.

“Yup. Talk about a plot twist, huh?” you joke, shaking your head as you realize how weird this is on paper. “Culinary school Y/N never thought a day would come when she’d have sex with Seokjin.”

“Yesterday’s Seokjin never thought a day would come when he’d have sex with Y/N,” he laughs, shuffling closer to you. By the looks of it, he is a cuddler and you have zero complaints about it. You let him hold you, snuggling against his chest, enjoying the moment a lot more than you ever thought you could. “Let me take you out, Y/N,” he tells you. He seems earnest and a lot more hopeful than he was back in the kitchen. “You found it in you to put the tension behind and give us a shot at being friends. Why not give this a shot, too? I like you a lot and I’ve liked you for a while… maybe you could find something to like in little old me?” he shrugs.

“It’s already too late for that,” you laugh, lowering your head to leave a few kisses on his chest. “I’m still not ready to define it and put it to words but I’d be happy to go out with you,” you admit.

“It might not take us anywhere,” he shrugs, making your head bounce with the movement. “For all we know, you might realize you do hate my guts after all. But maybe we end up getting along better than anyone would expect?”

“Seokjin… with your cooking skills and your oral skills, we’re already getting along very well, if you ask me,” you joke but after a few seconds of laughter, he sits up and pushes you away.

“The beef bourguignon!” he gasps. The sight of Seokjin running out of your bedroom, naked, to check on the food brings tears to your eyes. You can even hear him berating you, yelling something about how this is not a laughing matter but that only makes it more comical. Isn’t it ironic how now, he can make you laugh without even trying?

The beef bourguignon didn’t burn. It was the best beef bourguignon that you’ve ever had. The entire evening was one of the best in your recent memory. Whether it was the dinner, his sweater that you were wearing while you ate, the wine, the shared shower or waking up the next morning in his embrace, the time you’ve spent with Seokjin was enjoyable, perhaps even meaningful and definitely worth repeating.

As long as you are both willing to give it a go, it’s worth it. And it has to be kept between the two of you, at least for now. Cause as much as you like Seokjin, his cooking skills and his dick, your group of friends will never, ever, let you live this one down. Although, for all of the above… it might just be worth it.

THE END

#BTS smut #bts fanfiction #seokjin smut #jin smut #jin fanfic #seokjin fanfic #seokjin x reader #seokjin x you #bts au #seokjin au #bts scenario #bts fanfic #jin x you #jin x reader #bts jin #seokjin fanfiction #jin fanfiction #yoonjinkooked #jin scenario

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gunmetal-ring · 2 years

Note

why do you like angela kang from caryl shipper perspective? what did make you to have faith in her regarding caryl ship and it's spinoff?

Haha I see you've sent this to quite a few people, I feel blessed to be included so ty

I mean I watched twd as it aired thru season 4 and just never picked it back up. Ms. Rona then forced me to desperately grab onto any form of media and hyperfixation that I could to retain my sanity in 2020. And I sort of just fell into the caryl ship when I decided to rewatch twd in conjunction w reading fanfic and it was after the spinoff was announced so I felt pretty confident lol

I loved s10 bc it was just caryl&co, and that one fuckin scene that Daryl is wiping away Carol's tears and looking like he's a breath away from kissing her? Oy vey

Ngl I was absolutely fuckin devastated when Leah spoilers dropped. Like completely crushed. And a large part of that wasn't even possibly-caryl-ship-sinking related, it was that I felt that Daryl (a character i relate to on a deeply profound level, in a different way than I do carol) was all of a sudden totally alien to me. Wildly ooc.

However. Upon actually watching find me (just like @waynedunlaptheorgandonor and @my-mt-heart recommended lol) I was able to find peace with it. A fear of mine was that the spinoff would be about caryl looking for Leah. But episode was basically screaming "Look! Daryls ex gf is basically name brand Carol!" And as much as I hate using women as nothing more than plot devices for men's development, I was hypocritically relieved that Leah was basically "Look at how far Daryl fell during those 6 years! Look at how much he wanted Carol and had to settle! Look at how desperate Daryl was not to be alone!"

And then once the filming spoilers dropped that Leah would be in s11 I was like "Alright well the spinoff won't be about her it'll be about caryl"

And then I found out that the spinoff originally was about caryl dropping into team family and checking up on them every so often, and now it's they ride off into the sunset, I'm like oh OK. That's that on that

It's funny bc I've gotten much better at like critically analyzing TV and movies specifically due to this show - and I know that bc now when I watch tv/movies I'm able to predict "Oh X plot will happen bc Y character said Z line" or whatever and like 90% of the time I'm right lol

All of this to say... I personally feel like the whole time-jump-retcon-gf deal is lazy and alienating but I get why it happened and I'm still p confident that caryl will be canon. My only concern now is just the execution bc of the unbelievably bloated ensemble cast and concurrent storylines.

Sorry for rambling but tbh... you asked a woman who almost exclusively writes fic that is devoid of fluff/established relationships and usually doesnt make caryl canon until the absolute last second so you get what you asked for!!

#op #caryl #caryl is endgame

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shihalyfie · 3 years

Text

Daisuke’s characterization in V-Tamer is actually out of character

This is a post rather different from the usual content I do for this blog, and to be honest, I’m a bit hesitant about it, since it’s hard not to make it sound like some kind of scathingly critical negativity about the relevant chapter. It’s not intended that way -- V-Tamer’s crossover chapter with 02 lies firmly in “Bandai-commissioned spinoff” territory with what was most likely very little input from the anime staff, and with these kinds of things, right hand very rarely talks to left hand, and you see it in things like Tag Tamers having major contradictions with the anime despite how ostensibly important it is to 02′s story. Izawa and Yabuno were busy with V-Tamer production, and it’s very likely Toei and Bandai only provided them with very scant details of 02′s base premise (especially since the chapter itself doesn’t refer to any major 02 plot details besides XV-mon’s and Magnamon’s existence). I really do not blame them for not necessarily having thorough awareness of Daisuke and his character arc (especially since he himself is a rather deceptive character), and having to make a lot of assumptions while writing.

In the end, I decided to write this due to personal request from an acquaintance, who pointed out that there are a lot of people out there who like to claim things like "Daisuke got more character development in this single chapter than he did in 02 itself” (which is another manifestation of the constantly repeated fanbase mantra that Daisuke was lacking in that department when he really wasn’t). The thing is, this chapter’s interpretation of Daisuke is so far removed from the character he was even at the start of 02 that this “development” only works by artificially engineering a conflict that shouldn’t have even happened with Daisuke in the first place.

Again: This is not something meant to criticize this chapter as something bad (personally, I do think it’s rather entertaining in its own way) as much as, simply, out of character is still out of character, and I'm mainly just writing this in the hopes of making a case that this version of Daisuke should not be reflected back on the original series.

(Screenshots below are from the DH translation of V-Tamer, and PositronCannon’s 02 subs.)

The issue here is that the whole plot of the chapter itself is based on the idea that Daisuke is the kind of person who likes fighting for the sake of fighting, and has an impulsive urge to charge in aggressively to the point of even looking down on his friends for denying him. Certainly, on the surface, it does seem to match up with Daisuke still having difficulties adjusting to these new kids being his friends at the beginning of the series, and generally having an abrasive, rough-around-the-edges personality, but...

Ah.

The above screenshots are from 02 episode 7, which is a very early episode -- one that clearly takes place before Magnamon’s appearances in Hurricane Touchdown and 02 episode 20-21, and XV-mon’s appearance in 02 episode 22 -- and one that’s still part of Daisuke’s early bout of “shallow” episodes, in which he’s still instinctively lashing out at Takeru due to his perception of having something going on with Hikari. And while he does initially lash out at them for wanting to turn back, the moment everyone else makes a good case for them turning back (especially when their own Digimon run out of energy), he -- rather easily -- grits his teeth and actually calls the retreat himself.

On top of the fact that Daisuke is very capable of pulling back when he practically understands it’s necessary (even if he hates it), some important points need to be made about his behavior here: Daisuke does not push forward on fighting because he likes fighting and attacking things, but because he practically wants to see the Dark Tower destroyed (and the Dark Tower is causing problems for everyone everywhere right now). He hates the Kaiser, and wants to fight everyone under him, because he’s hurting others. Only one episode later, Daisuke vocalizes that he’s even okay with losing a soccer game as long as he gets to play someone who’s inspired kids all over the country and enjoy the match.

The other problem is that it actually implies that Daisuke would be able to do anything without his friends’ approval. Despite Daisuke’s ostensibly rough surface demeanor, he gets strung along easily. It is absurdly easy to shut him down or override his opinions just by being assertive enough. There’s a very good reason why he’s been described as “prevented from doing much in the first half”. Daisuke spends the first half of the series largely unable to make his own decisions because his friends keep making them for him, and part of his character development involves him becoming able to actually put his foot down and do what he wants when it’s something he cares about, which is something that very much does not set in until the second half.

In addition, the implication that Daisuke would be actively belligerent to the point of having the priority of “destroying enemies” instead of “helping others” is very contrary to the whole point of his character arc:

In 02 episode 20, the first time Daisuke does truly put his foot down against the wishes of the others in the group, it’s because seeing Chimeramon destroy so many things hurt him that badly that he hates sitting around and doing nothing. Again: Daisuke is a person who does things because he cares about and wants to protect others, not because he necessarily likes fighting. It’s also important that he makes this statement that he’ll go in “even alone” -- he does not look down on the others or show distaste for them for choosing to recuse, because they’re understandably exhausted, but simply says that he’s frustrated at the idea of giving up this one chance, and doesn’t want to squander it. (It’s also consistent with the way he treats the mortified Ken in 02 episode 48 -- he reminds him that Jogress won’t work if Ken’s not feeling up to it, and says that he’ll do it alone if he has to because something has to be done.)

And speaking of Ken, this trait of Daisuke’s is why that whole character arc of him reaching out to Ken works in the first place! Because, again, Daisuke hated the Kaiser because he was doing horrible things. The moment the Kaiser stopped doing horrible things, Daisuke didn’t feel up to kicking him while he was down, actually urged him to do the first thing he could do to make amends -- “go home” -- and ultimately chose to reach out to him because he thinks in terms of moving on and creating positive things, not for destruction for the sake of destruction. Because Ken seemed to not be hurting anyone anymore, and he’s actually doing something to help, so why not believe in him and let him help?

Again: with the exception of episode 48 (which is just reinforcing something from before), all of these episodes are before XV-mon’s first appearance in 02 episode 22. Daisuke had always been this kind of positive and supportive person from day one; those traits had just not been very easily visible because he was still trying to deal with his initial awkwardness and being rather rough around the edges, but they’re still traits he’d always fundamentally had.

The chapter continues with Daisuke actually looking down on his other friends and protesting angrily against them trying to pull him back. Beyond the fact that (as stated above) the anime’s portrayal of Daisuke would make him very unwilling to fight back against opposition at this point of the series, the idea he’d actually be condescending about his friends is a little...hmm. Because, again, in 02 episode 7:

Daisuke does momentarily lash out at Iori and Takeru in a moment of emotional compromise when he’s stressed over Hikari getting trapped in the Digital World, but he actually takes it back. Incredibly quickly. He apologizes to Iori, and decides to not let Takeru put the blame on himself, even though his emotionally-compromised moment had initially gotten him to instinctively try to pin it on him. (Which is important because, yes, even when Daisuke’s inclined to lash out at Takeru for his perceived existing relationship with Hikari and be jealous of him, he still cares about Takeru himself to the point he doesn’t want him to load himself with the guilt.)

Daisuke’s brashness is portrayed during this early part of 02 as him very, very badly needing validation. This means that going out of his way to push aside the people he calls friends would be the last thing he wants to do, because he actually wants their approval, and for them to like him, and therefore he’s willing to apologize quickly and try to make amends because he plays badly with actual confrontation.

While this line isn’t quite off, it does rather clash with the way Daisuke actually portrays himself, which is that he doesn’t really have this much of an ego. The literal translation of this line is that he calls himself “your cute little junior”, but even the more liberal translation used here doesn’t quite work with Daisuke’s character, since it’s not implied at any point that Daisuke thinks Taichi actually cares about him back the way he adores Taichi.

Again, Daisuke is an extremely deferential person who craves validation, and this is especially in the case of Taichi, who arguably is the one who creates the easiest mood shift in Daisuke for the early parts of the series. Whenever Taichi is nearby, Daisuke immediately becomes deferential and respects literally everything he does.

Observe Daisuke’s very resigned and very deferential facial expressions and attitude in 02 episodes 8 and 10, whenever it comes to Taichi (and note that the third screenshot here also comes from a situation where Daisuke wanted to advocate for pushing forward instead of retreating; it was that easy for Taichi to shut him down). For all it’s worth, Daisuke’s never really shown to have a lot of pride in himself (beyond the occasional joke), and it’s heavily implied that he sees Taichi as so amazing that he’s not even remotely in his league. That’s why it’s such a big deal that Daisuke puts his foot down and protests against what Taichi wants them to do in 02 episode 39, and it’s not even rudely or aggressively (he still uses polite Japanese!) as much as just firmly “I have a friend and I need to help him, I’m sorry.”

During the chapter, Daisuke claims that he doesn’t want to go back and meet his friends, because he doesn’t think they care about him, but, well, again: Daisuke is someone who craves approval. It’s somewhat understandable that he’d maybe have some degree of insecurity that they don’t like him as much as he wants them to, but the series by this point (remember, we’re talking episode 22, given XV-mon’s appearance) makes it very clear that Daisuke is well aware that his friends like him this much, and he has no real grudges against them.

This is one of the reasons it’s so important that 02 had so many scenes of the kids just...bantering in the computer room, or having tons of “free time off hours” that had nothing to do with Digimon fights, because although Daisuke is brash and rough around the edges, otherwise, the group of friends here get along perfectly fine. Once the stress of fighting is removed, these kids are part of each others’ social circle and love hanging out for the sake of hanging out, and even someone as dense as Daisuke should know very well that they do at least like him this much.

And, more importantly, whatever Daisuke might think about what his friends think of him, he himself likes them a lot. He cares about them a lot. Even all the way back in 02 episode 10 and 11, with Miyako and Takeru (whom he ostensibly banters and gets touchy with a lot), he still makes it clear he likes what Miyako’s doing and wants to check on her (without prompting), and later, when he gets in a fight with Takeru, he blames himself for not understanding Takeru’s feelings instead of feeling inclined to blame it on him. (In fact, this so-called hostility with Takeru is really overblown here, because there’s no reason Daisuke should think everyone takes Takeru’s side; when they did get in a fight in 02 episode 11, everyone was more concerned about getting them to calm down than they were about taking sides, because both of them did have a very reasonable position.)

And while Daisuke getting set off by the Takeru and Hikari issue might have been in-character at one point, it’s not for him at this point in the series, because 02 episode 22, the very episode that introduces XV-mon, has him take a completely different view of the situation:

Daisuke had already gotten over a lot of it by this point. The last time he shows any indication of Takeru and Hikari having ~something going on~ to the point he suspects Takeru of being an obstacle is all the way back in episode 17, which oh-so-coincidentally happens to be the same episode where he later learns about the truth of his seniors’ great adventure in 1999, and therefore receives the full context of why Takeru and Hikari knew each other beforehand (which they had been absolutely terrible at elucidating for 17 episodes). By the time we get to this epsode, Daisuke does not hold anything against Takeru himself, and he doesn’t even accuse them of having a thing, just moping that they “get along so well”. He’s not angry about it, he’s sad about it, and it’s heavily implied that he’s really just sad about being third-wheeled more than anything.

It’s also important to realize that this is long past the point where Daisuke would have shown any outright hostility towards Takeru at all. At worst, he maybe scoffs “do whatever you want!”, or ends up a little sad that they’re leaving him out, but he ends up putting this on himself more than he ever lashes out at others about it anymore. The grudge against Takeru had already gone long under the bridge, by this point Takeru is just a friend that he likes reasonably well and is sad to be third wheeled by, and it’s only 13 more episodes before he’ll stop bringing his crush on Hikari into the issue for the rest of the series.

And, remember, Daisuke has always been someone who does things “because other people are being hurt”. He’s not actually that selfish! Whenever people are really in trouble, he goes in to help them -- remember, back in 02 episode 8, he was crushed because Ken turned out to be the Kaiser, and someone indirectly trampling on the dreams of all the soccer-playing kids in the country. Had this been Daisuke from the anime, he probably would have immediately wanted to go back the moment he realized there are people in need and hurt left behind, regardless of his own feelings on his relationship with his friends.

The rest of the chapter is fairly on-the-nose, with Daisuke managing to create a “miracle” through the power of his feelings by remembering what it meant for Taichi to give him his goggles, and for managing to connect to his friends despite them being trapped, with Daisuke and Taichi eventually parting on good terms and Daisuke even getting the honor of doing the victory dance with him. This is why I want to emphasize (I’ll say this in bold) that I do not think this is a “bad” chapter just because it’s not compliant with Daisuke’s anime characterization. Given what the chapter sets out to accomplish, setting up a story of someone who feels neglected by his friends and eventually decides to reach out to them with his own feelings, it’s thematically solid and well-plotted out as a story, and the crossover and thought experiment of how Daisuke would react to an alternate version of Taichi is very entertaining. Plus, Izawa’s writing and Yabuno’s art is charming, and it’s lovely to see the 02 kids in this style.

It’s just, well, the entire premise of this chapter relies on a conflict generated by Daisuke being a character he is very much not. And, again, it’s not something that I can really criticize Izawa and Yabuno for; Daisuke’s quite the deceptive character, and it really doesn’t seem like Toei and Bandai gave them a lot to work with, especially since this chapter only works within a very narrow range of 02′s timeline, between 02 episodes 22 and 25, when V-mon can evolve to Adult but Ken hasn’t formally joined the team yet. (And in fact, I’d generally apply this sort of caveat to things relevant to Daisuke that come from the Bandai side instead of Toei side; too many things out there seem to only really be working with the base details of “Taichi’s junior who has a crush on Hikari” with no regard to the actual nuances of his character.) Personally, it seems that Izawa and Yabuno did their best with what they had to work with, and they even made it a fun chapter while they were at it! -- so I would simply say that it’s probably best to enjoy this chapter without thinking about the lack of canon compliance too hard, but also not to judge the actual anime version of Daisuke too much by this portrayal.

#digimon #digimon adventure v tamer 01 #digimon adventure 02 #motomiya daisuke #daisuke motomiya #shihameta

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azure-bliss · 3 years

Text

shinran oneshot

Fandom: DC

Pairing: Shinran

Excerpt:

“Shinichi,” she whispered, warm blue orbs losing focus as she looked at him, though her smile remained. She rose her hand to caress his cheek (she’s so, so cold). “You found us.”

Her chapped lips met his, and then, “Arigato.”

A/N: I swear that this was supposed to be fluffy but brain said nope, angst-infused it is. Also, I’m no expert in medicine nor the Japanese police system, even criminology for that matter. Spare me. Enjoy!

Day 9

“I should write a book.”

Shinichi’s first instinct was to snort, as he was reminded of Kogoro-ojisan’s—who he should really be calling otousan nowadays—intention of becoming a mystery novelist, much like his actual father. Kudo Yusaku had made millions writing his thrillers, and today, years after the older Kudo patriarch decided to publish his final novel, he was still adding money to the Kudo fortune.

Perhaps his mother playing the titular character in one of Night Baron’s spinoff adaptations, Lady Baron, played a huge factor too. His parents were weird that way, almost like a tag-team, because the moment Kudo Yusaku announced his writing retirement, Kudo Yukiko came out of hers.

It was as if they thought that the world could not handle more than three (he was pretty sure his popularity was on par with his parents, despite his lack of big screen appearances) famous Kudos at a time.

“Finally jumping on the full Kudo experience?” he teased, adjusting himself on the hospital bed where his wife sat, left arm wrapped around her whole frame, right palm covering hers.

Eyes focused on the little bundle in her arms, she hummed before answering, “A best-seller for sure.”

As if on cue, their newborn squirmed before revealing twin orbs that matched his mother’s, unfocused eyes looking up to the woman who went through hell and back prior to his birth.

“Anata,” she called, her tired voice laced with a hint of excitement. “He’s beautiful.”

Day 1

He stood in an abandoned room of an equally abandoned motel located just 50 km on the outskirts of Tokyo, the very location that had him and nearly the whole Tokyo Metropolitan Police Taskforce wrecking their brains and exhausting their resources to find. The identified suspect was one Seisaku Miyazaki, a serial rapist and killer with a tendency for flairs. The 27 crime scenes he left always had distinct blood splatter to them, resulting from either gunshot wounds straight to the temple, or intraoral ones.

Shinichi had never seen a crime scene so gruesome in his life.

As soon as Shinichi stepped into the room, the first thing he should have registered was the blood-spattered left wall and Seisaku’s limp and lifeless body on a chair in the same left corner, his riffle trapped in between his legs.

Instead, Shinichi’s frantic eyes zeroed on the figure on the bed in the middle of the room, merely 10 feet away from Seisaku’s body. The woman had her back against the headboard with an ungodly amount of blood running down her bottom half, arms cocooning a small bundle wrapped with a violet-colored cardigan—the same one she was last saw wearing before her disappearance.

She had her eyes on her baby, as if the newborn was the only person who mattered, seemingly unbothered by the chaos unfolding before her. It took the lead detective a full five seconds to notice that the newborn—oh God, their newborn—was not crying.

He was beside her in her flash, holding her tighter than he should. His wife was again, unbothered, but he noticed that she closed their baby more to her semi-naked chest. The cuts and bruises on her face and torso did not go unnoticed by him. All of Seisaku’s victims had the same markings, but unlike those women who bled from their heads, she was bleeding from bottom down.

Kudo Shinichi screamed for the medic.

It was only then did he hear a soft cry, and he released a breath he did not know he was holding.

“Anata,” she called, finally removing her gaze from their son to look at him “He’s beautiful.”

Her face was pale and hollow, but there was no mistaking the warmth in her eyes and the gentleness of her smile.

His heart both bloomed and broke for her.

“Ran,” he choked out the name he’d been desperately calling for the past few hours. “You’re going to be okay.”

When the medic team finally appeared, his wife first handed the closest medic the baby, “Take care of him, onegai,” she requested, sounding too much like a plea. “He’s a good boy.”

Releasing her son’s warmth, the brunette fell back onto her husband, who caught her naked shoulders, throwing her full weight onto his.

“Shinichi,” she whispered, warm blue orbs losing focus as she looked at him, though her smile remained. She rose her hand to caress his cheek (she’s so, so cold). “You found us.”

Her chapped lips meet his, and then, “Arigato.”

With a sigh of relief, she shut her eyes, and rolled limp further into her husband’s embrace.

Shinichi’s world stood still, the only things registering in his mind were his wife’s cold body, and their newborn’s loud cries in the distant.

Day 8

She was in pure fight mode, forcing her body to function and conscious to stay awake. Once she knew that her child was safe, all the injuries and agony finally caught up to her, and she welcomed the numbing darkness.

The last thing Ran remembered was Shinichi’s rapid heartbeat drumming her ears.

The new mother woke up a week later, on an unfamiliar bed, to the familiar but tormented eyes of her husband.

“Baby,” she mustered breathily, and her husband’s eyes all but softened.

She knew that they were safe.

Day 10

It was another two whole days before she was deemed fit enough to hold her newborn.

“Anata,” she beams, “He’s beautiful.”

“He is,” the Heisei-Reiwa Holmes agreed. “The brat gave the doctors and nurses a fright with his fever, would not stop crying too.”

If his wife was worried, she did not show it. “Is that true?” she cooed, “But you’re okay now, aren’t you sweetheart? Your Papa found us after all.”

Day 0

Kudo Ran did not fit Seisaku Miyazaki’s victim profiles by the slightest. The females he preyed on were usually late teens to early twenties, lived alone, physically petite, and had questionable practices in their private lives.

Or, in the words of Seisaku himself, whores.

Catching the serial killer had been the detective’s top priority, with the death count at 27 and the most recent killings at the heart of Tokyo, it was one of the most challenging cases for him to date.

With half of the murders in Tokyo and the other half in Osaka, it was a no brainer for both Detective of the East and West to join hands, special taskforces from Tokyo and Osaka rallying under their (unofficial) command. The investigation had been ongoing for more than four months before special unit finally made a definite progress, being able to identify a potential victim, shadowing her day and night, coming in to save her just in time from being abducted, and arresting Seisaku’s paid minion.

Genzo Okubo was no Seisaku, the two detectives figured. The latter was confident, methodical, a true psychopathic mastermind, yet the man they caught fumbled with his words, sweated profusely, and most importantly, had little loyalty as he quickly confessed to everything.

The unit rejoiced, but Shinichi and Heiji knew that it was too simple, as if Seisaku wanted Gento to be caught.

By the time they were finished with the guy, it was already 2 a.m.

The lack of miscalls from him wife caught him off guard.

He tried not to panic, reasoning to himself that Ran was probably at her parents’, fell asleep, and his in-laws forgot to inform him. After all, it would not be the first time this had happened. If anything, the Mouris had not stopped fussing over their daughter, and with this case constantly on his mind, Shinichi had not really been the doting husband and father-to-be that he ought to be. Their six-year-old twins were away with his parents somewhere in New York, the elder Kudo couple wanting to give the once-again new parents space to get ready for the youngest Kudo’s arrival.

Halfway through dialing Eri’s number (because his mother-in-law was a light sleeper), Heiji burst into the break room with a suspicious package in his hands.

“Kudo,” the dark-skinned detective panted, as if he just ran up flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator, “that bastard’s got Nee-chan.”

Inside the package were two things: a picture of a very pregnant Kudo Ran, blindfolded and gagged, and a lone platinum wedding band.

Day 10

“He panicked.”

“Hmm?”

“Seisaku-san, he panicked.” His wife stated, the name of her kidnapper rolling of her tongue like she was mentioning a student of hers. “I started having contractions, started bleeding too. He mumbled something about ‘not following his plan’.”

Shinichi rose his brows, puzzled by Ran’s statement, but he let her continue.

“I think,” she paused, readjusting her hold on their son when they boy started to writhe, “that he was halfway out when Seisaku-san decided to shoot himself.”

Her voice was cool, too indifferent, and deep down, Shinichi knew that his wife may be scarred for life.

“Three sounds,” she gulped then snickered. “Me screaming during the final push, the baby’s cries, and the riffle going off.”

Shinichi held her tighter.

“His blood was everywhere, Shinichi. On the walls, the carpet, the bed, my face,” There are now cracks in her voice, the memories flooding her overwhelmed mind as she remembers it all again, “On our baby boy.”

“Ran…” He trailed off, not knowing what to say. His wife and son were alive, but the trauma she went through was something he wished on no one, not even Seisaku himself.

“I didn’t want him to get cold, so I wrapped him with my cardigan. Not the most hygienic, I know, but I didn’t exactly have many choices,” a chuckle. “He locked the door, so I couldn’t escape, and I couldn’t exactly kick the door open, my energy was spent on giving birth. So, I started breastfeeding the baby, burping him…making sure he was alive long enough for you to find us.”

Something in him shattered even more.

Ran averted her eyes away from their son to look at her husband, their faces only a few centimeters apart. There were no tears in their eyes, the pain and regret that remained in their hearts too crushing to be expressed by mere crying. “I’m safe, our boy is safe, because you found us. None of this is your fault, so please, Anata,” she kisses him before continuing, “don’t blame yourself.”

Shinichi could not imagine what life would be without her. She was his wife, partner, lover, best friend, soulmate, the mother of his children, his world, his everything.

“Okay,” he promised simply, capturing her lips for a second time before kissing her forehead. “I love you.”

He felt her smiling into his neck, and at that moment, nothing was wrong; they were whole.

They stayed like that for a few more moments, savoring the peaceful yet short time they had with their baby boy before one of the nurses took him away for the night.

Day 11

“Your book,” Shinichi remembered far into the night. “What are you going to write about?”

A mischievous look twinkled in Ran’s eyes, and the man knows that his wife will heal just fine. “Kidnapped 101.”

- end

A/N: Nope, not their firstborn. And I also imagine that Ran has had her fair share of getting kidnapped so might as well write a book on it lmao.

#shinran #shinichi kudo #ran mouri #fanfic #detectiveconan #hurtandcomfort?

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