#literally balled my eyes out over his death a few mins ago

[mistayss]

in my mcu pietro never dies, he just gets badly injured . but in the end he lived

#I just love him too much #literally balled my eyes out over his death a few mins ago #stella x pietro ✨

[krreader]

BTS (Mafia!AU) reacting to you being a bigger mafia boss than them.

pairing: bts x reader fandom: bts warnings: non idol!au ; mafia!au ; language ; death ; blood genre: angst ; fluff

a/n: hope you like it my loveeeeee

ask box | masterlists | faq | twitter | ko-fi | REQUESTS ARE CLOSED.

kim seokjin

It was madness. As if every gang or mafia group was suddenly at war with each other. Everyone was on their own, the ones with the most guns, the most support, would be the winner.

And who would have thought that Jin would meet the one person he thought was safe at his house..

“(Y/N)!” he ran towards you, pulling you against him as if he was afraid somebody had forcefully dragged you here, “Are you hurt?!”

“No,” you said with a sad smile, “Jin, why are you here? I told you not to come..”

“It doesn't matter, I need to get you to safety.”

But when he wanted to drag you away, two men stopped him, a lot bigger and stronger looking than him.

“I begged you to stay at home,” you whispered, your voice already breaking, “I needed you to stay there so you wouldn't come here and..-”

“What are you talking about?! And who are these guys?”

“Boss?” one of Jin's men, he sounded.. scared. And when Jin turned around he could see why. They were cornered, at least double the amount of guys that Jin had.. the question was.. who did they belong to?

“You know how this works,” you gulped down hard, “It's everyone against everyone and only the strongest survives,” was it possible? No.. no, there was no way his sweet and innocent (Y/N) could be..- “I loved you, Seokjin. And I always will.”

And then guns went off.

He watched his men get decimated, one by one falling to the ground until the only one standing was him..

..and when he turned around to look at you, you were crying, crying because you knew he was next.

“Jagiya..”

“Forgive me.”

And a last gun shot could be heard.

min yoongi

“I didn't sign up for this shit,” Yoongi hissed angrily, “You lied to me, (Y/N)!”

“No, I didn't! I just didn't tell you the whole truth, that's a big fucking difference!” you reloaded your gun, “Now stop being a pussy and shoot.”

This was all your fault. This situation only arose because of who you were. And you didn't even tell Yoongi about it.

He thought he was big in the mafia scene, he thought he had a few people that wanted him dead.. who would have thought that his girlfriend was apparently hunted by the entire fucking country.

“The one night that I wanted to be romantic and this is what happens. And now we'll die in a fucking warehouse surrounded by dumb idiots who hadn't had their cocks stuck in a vagina in ages.”

“Duck,” and as he did, you shot the first guy in the head, “See it this way babe.. if we survive this, I can tell you all about me being a mafia leader.”

“I don't want to know, actually, but thanks. Move!” once you did, he shot two guys behind you.

You both moved in sync, despite never having done this before. At least not together.

Maybe that's because you've been with each other for so long..

“It's a good story, though. And want to know the highlight of it?”

“No,” he threw his knife into the chest of a guy to his right.

You ignored his answer and pulled him towards you for a passionate but short kiss, killing a guy with your gun to your left, before whispering, “You. You're the best part of it.”

Aaaaand you got him. He wasn't angry anymore.

jung hoseok

“We need to talk,” Yoongi pulled Hoseok aside, “Remember when you asked me to look into your enemies? Or.. well.. your rivals?”

“Did you find out who they are?”

“I did.. and.. I don't think you're going to like it.”

Yoongi was the best hacker there was, you should have known that he would find it out once Hoseok told you about it. But you hadn't stopped him, because maybe it was time for him to find out.. and if you didn't have the guts to tell him yourself, then this was the best opportunity for you.

You anxiously waited in the living room, a book on your lap when you heard him come home, angrily stomping in and then standing in front of you, throwing a file onto the coffee table. A file with your name and picture on it.

“What. The. Fuck.”

“Actually it says..-”

“Don't you dare play this fucking game with me right now, (Y/N). You lied to me! You've lied to me about everything!”

“I haven't, actually. When you first asked me about my job, I told you I was involved in something that was a similar business to yours, remember?”

“How is this similar to my business? You guys are the elite!”

“Why thank you,” you smiled brightly and crossed your legs, “Anyways.. I didn't tell you because I didn't think it would matter. I've got people working for me who keep the business running. I'm.. retired, for the most part. I just agree to things here and there..”

“Like what?”

“Oh, come on Hoseok. You're in this line of work as well, you're a leader as well, you don't need me to tell you about the job,” you got up from the couch and wanted to reach out to him but he slapped away your hand.

“No. No, you don't get to touch me. You've used me.”

At that, you had to laugh, “Love, don't take this the wrong way, but there is nothing I could have used you for. You said it yourself, I'm the elite whereas you're just at the beginning. I started dating you because I liked you.”

“Yeah, well.. I thought I liked you too, but turns out the woman I dated was a fucking liar.”

“Hoseok,” you sighed, watching him walk up the stairs.

You didn't follow him right away, but gave him some space at first.

This would take a while to repair.. if it even could be repaired.

kim namjoon

Imagine dating someone for over a year and thinking you're the boss in the relationship, until you suddenly find out that you're literally just a flee compared to your girlfriend.

“Namjoon,” you smiled as you sat down at the cards table, “I see we're the first.”

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” he hissed, “This is too dangerous, (Y/N), there's only bosses here.. leaders.”

“I know,” you cocked your head to the side, “So this is exactly where I need to be.”

“What..-”

“Babe, I really love you, but sometimes you're so fucking stupid. Have you never noticed? Did you never look at my phone? Never listened in to a conversation? Never thought it was weird when I left so suddenly?”

“No,” he said right away, “No, because I trust you. You're the only one that I trust.”

And yet you broke his trust. Because you hadn't told him the truth about yourself. You had lied, had told him you were normal, when you were all but that.

“Then trust me when I say this: I love you. I never told you about this part of me because I didn't think you needed to know. Ever since my father died, my brother and I have taken over the business, but he's mostly in charge. I'm only a name that they fear.”

“Wh..- What do you mean?! Who are you?” Namjoon narrowed his eyes, but before you could answer, another leader entered the room with a huge grin.

“(Y/N)! I'm so glad you could come tonight and not your stupid brother. Everyone knows you're a much better leader than he is.”

“She's the only one that has balls in this room, let's be real,” another one said, then three more entered.

They all knew you. They all knew who you really were and yet it was Namjoon that had spent the last year with you.. and it felt as if he didn't know you one single bit.

He thought he was too cold for it but.. it felt like his heart was breaking a little tonight as he watched the woman he thought he loved be someone else entirely..

..and he hated it.

park jimin

Jimin had told himself that he needed to become heartless for the job as a mafia boss. And for the most part, it had worked perfectly.

Then he had met you and he was still good at separating personal life and work life.

And then you had come clean about who you really were and.. well.. here he now was.

Drinking. Crying..

Because somehow it felt as if the past five years of his life were a lie.

The memories you two had made, the fucking wedding you had, the baby girl you've had two years ago..

Was any of it even real?

“We talked about this,” you grabbed the bottle out of his hand, throwing it behind you in your backyard when he tried to reach for it, “No drinking in the house.”

“Yeah, you know what else we talked about?” he slurred, “Not lying to each other.. ever. You promised that when you married me.”

You were upset as well, but mostly at yourself. Why did you keep this a secret for so long? You should have told him straight away.

“Jimin it doesn't matter now,” you cupped his cheek and wiped away his tears, desperation clear on your face, “I'm not the woman I once was. Yes, I was their leader once, but after we got married and once I found out I was pregnant, I stepped down and let my cousin take care of it.”

“But you still work with them!”

“No, I don't. People just.. they just still respect me. I've worked as their leader for so long, their respect will always be there. But that's all there is. Respect. I don't give them orders anymore or anything of that sort..”

“You lied about everything,” he sobbed, “We had a fucking baby, (Y/N).”

“I'm so sorry, Jimin,” you pulled him against your chest, gently brushing through his hair, “I'm so sorry. But I'm not that person anymore, I promise. I am who you fell in love with.. that's the real me. Park (Y/N). Your wife. The mother of your child. The woman that loves you. That's who I am. That's who I want to be.”

kim taehyung

Him and you had talked about a wedding, children, for fuck's sake, you already wore that goddamn engagement ring on your finger.

Maybe that's why you finally decided to come clean.

“Is this a joke? Because it's not a very good one,” Taehyung said as him and you were lying in bed.

“I wish it were,” you laughed humorlessly, nervously brushing over your knuckles, until your fingers stopped at the engagement ring, “I used to like what I did. I used to like the power I had. And when I met you.. you were.. still at the beginning. I wanted to watch you grow, gain power, I wanted to be by your side and support you.. but as I did all of that, I realized that I wanted to be behind the curtains. I didn't want to have the power myself anymore, I'd be content with you having it all.”

“(Y/N).. that mafia is the most powerful in South Korea and you're telling me that you're..-”

“It doesn't matter now,” you grabbed his face with your hands and looked into his eyes, “You marry me, they will follow you. I will step down, Taehyung. I don't want to be their leader anymore, I want to be your wife.. I want to be a mother.. you've worked so hard for all of this, you just need more men. And I'm willing to give you all I have.”

“Give it all up.. for me?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, leaning forward to kiss him deeply, “Yes because I love you more than I love the position and power. I love you more than I can describe. So this is it. My gift.”

You gave him more than he deserved.

Your love. Your men. Your hand in marriage and eventually, three beautiful children.

Something that Taehyung could never repay you, but was eternally grateful for.

jeon jeongguk

All Jeongguk could think of as he was lined up with four other guys was how he'd never get to tell you he loved you. How he missed his chance with you, of a future with you. And for what? For money? For power?

It wasn't worth it. None of it was.

Not the killing, not the stealing.. no, he should have just grabbed you when he had the chance and taken you to a nice and sunny place where he could have spent the rest of his life with you.

But instead, he had to overdo it and then accidentally messed with the wrong people..

..and whoever was in charge of this mafia wasn't playing around.

“These are the suspects, boss,” a man said when heels could be heard approaching. Heels. Female. Maybe the wife of the boss came too, “One of them killed our man.”

Jeongguk didn't look at first, but when he did, he looked at you right as you looked at him.

And while he was downright shocked, you were just surprised to see him here.

You had known that he was part of a mafia, one that shouldn't have been an issue for you or your own. But maybe you had underestimated him, since he was kneeling on the floor next to four of the most ruthless killers you had ever seen.

“Some of you might know me,” you continued to look at Jeongguk, but then started looking at all the others as well as you slowly passed them, “Others of you have heard rumors. What I do to the people that cross me. That hurt my people, my family. Those aren't rumors, they're the truth. And I know you all have really big balls and think you shouldn't be afraid of me, but..-” and as you said that last part, you pulled a knife out of your sleeve and cut the throat of the first guy without mercy, “You really should be.”

Jeongguk watched the man choke on his own blood until he stopped moving, then his eyes landed on you again.

“I don't want to take any risks. Any of you could be the killer, but.. I don't want to be a bitch today, so I'll keep one alive,” your eyes fell on Jeongguk again, “Him. I want you to take him to my room. Kill the rest.”

You loved him and you trusted him. Even if he didn't know who you really were, you knew that he never would have messed with your guys, especially because you knew that at the time of the murder, he was with you.

But when you joined him a couple of minutes later and you were finally alone, you had a lot of explaining to do.

Seriously. A lot.

#bts imagine #bts reactions #bts x reader #bts #bangtan #bangtan reaction #bangtan boys #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop reactions #bangtan sonyeondan #reader #bangtan x reader #bangtan boys x reader #requests

[unofficialkfamtranscripts]

King Falls AM - Episode 5: Night of the Living Dread

View on Google Docs

Summary: July 1, 2015 - Sammy & Ben learn of some breaking news regarding the Lake Hatchenhaw John Doe, but not everyone is as pleased as the broadcast duo.

[Podcast intro music]

Announcer Dear listeners, please note that the following program may contain views that do not reflect that of King Falls AM, its management, or its subsidiaries. Listener discretion is advised.

[KFAM intro music]

Sammy You’re listening to King Falls AM, that’s 660 on the radio dial. I’m your host, Sammy Stevens, and as always we are joined by producer and co-host extraordinaire, Ben Arnold.

Ben [trying not to be amused] You’re so- you’re so happy, aren’t you? You’re a child. Getting so giddy over that message.

Sammy Listening to a warning before a radio broadcast I’m on has literally been on the bucket list for a long time. Thanks Merv!

Ben *laughter* Ridiculous. A glutton for punishment.

Sammy What can I say? I enjoy a nice game of hard ball! Uh, y’know, but enough about what Merv doesn’t want you to hear, let’s talk about what he does want you to hear. And what do we have cooking tonight, Ben?

Ben Dude, it’s stacked alright? Stacked. We’ve got the- lovely Miss Emily Potter from the King Falls Library giving us her picks for enlightened summer reading.

Sammy Terrific! We always love speaking with Emily!

Ben You and me both.

Sammy I said “we,” Ben.

Ben Uh, I know. I- *breathes in* [stilted] I- We-We-uh, We’ve got some really cool news! here. We-we are announcing the line-up for the first annual King Falls Ambient Music Festival. That’s coming up the second hour.

Sammy Wait a second. The King Falls Ambient Music Festival? Is this town even big enough for a festival?

Ben Oh yeah! It’s like Coachella[1] but for hipsters that just want to relax. It’s all about “setting the mood.”

Sammy You know, I’m wondering if they’re gonna make it to a second annual.

Ben And then, um, [reluctant and slipping into mumbling] opening up the show we-we’ve got the- doctor *mumbling*

Sammy I-I’m sorry, Ben, what was that? You’re trailing off, buddy.

Ben We have that umm, *sniffs, lets out breath* one… guy. You know that- fo- w- talking about that *deep breath* one thing—

Sammy [trying to cut him off] Ben—

Ben —from a month ago or so—?

Sammy What? What are you talking about?

Ben You know— May- maybe we should start it with Uh, callers first! [mildly frantic] Just-uh-Give us a call at 424-279-3858 and let’s talk about… *tsk* anything! Let’s uh, whats your-whats your-whats-whats on your mind King Falls?

Sammy Ladies and gentlemen, put down your phones for a second. What Ben is trying to say is we’ve got a scoop here this evening on King Falls AM. We’re gonna be speaking with—

Ben [cutting Sammy off]Or you can tweet us! @kingfallsam. I-I-I will literally talk about anything right now. Even to Mr. Derschwitz about that weird toenail thing. Let-lets-lets go, people!

Sammy I thought we agreed—

Ben I know. Sammy, I’m sorry it’s just, [slightly more frantic] I’m-I’m not feelin’ the best here. Alright? my stomach, is all… knotted up, just thinking about this.

Sammy That is journalism. That feeling is journalism—

Ben [speaking over Sammy] I think it might actually be an ulcer! It Tastes, like Fear and Feels, like Cancer . It’s way more than anxiety. I-I’m gonna call Dr. Raúl, at break.

Sammy He’s a chiropractor!

Ben Maybe he can refer me?

Sammy Power through it, buddy! Look at this folks, we got somebody dialing into the hotline right now! You ready for this Ben? Come on.

Ben Please, be Reverend Hawthorne so we can talk about the Revival next month.

Sammy Oh stop it. You know he isn’t even scheduled!

Ben I just thought— maybe that’s how prayers work, I don’t know, I’m not a reverend!

Sammy King Falls AM, you’re on the air.

Dr. Rosenblum [Dr. Rosenblum’s voice is measured and monotonous and mildly creepy at all times] Good evening, this is Dr. Jeffery Rosenblum, with the, King Falls County Coroner’s Office.

Ben C-can I please just say—

Sammy Dr. Rosenblum, it is a pleasure to speak with you this evening.

Rosenblum Excited to be here, Sammy. Ecstatic even. We listen on slow nights.

Ben That’s the scariest thing I’ve ever heard.

Sammy Much appreciated, Doc. Now, as fate would have it, you were the overseeing physician working on the Lake Hatchenhaw John Doe, is that correct?

Ben Doc? Can you just, hold on for- one- moment- please?

Rosenblum Of course, Ben I—

Sammy Don’t start, Ben! We agreed to see this through.

Ben All I’m saying i- lemme finish- a- i-is that maybe it’s not our place *deep breath* to break this kind of news.

Sammy Fine. You know what? You’re right! Let’s just give this to our friends down at Channel 13 and let them be the ones to alert the public about this.

Ben [journalist voice] Doc, Ben Arnold. Tell us about cracking open the mystery body.

Sammy [quietly] Oh.

Rosenblum It’s true that I was the operating physician on that particular John Doe, y-es, irrefutablyy

Sammy Now, as I understand, your official report was released yesterday morning, doctor, but amazingly enough, not one publication or news station in our town- including King Falls AM- reported on it.

Rosenblum You are correct. Busy news day- one would assume.

Ben So, that means, you are— free to talk about it on air.

Rosenblum I would be elated

Sammy First and foremost on everyone’s minds: were there any signs of, uh, y’know, the lake mo- *sighs* I can’t.

Ben Did Kingsie make the body, bite the big one?

Rosenblum There was no evidence that a creature large or small had anything to do with the deceased.

Ben *sigh of relief* That- I knew Kingsie didn’t have it in her.

Sammy Now, Dr. Rosenblum, can you tell us if there was any foul play involved at all?

Rosenblum During our first autopsy we were not able to distinguish with certainty the cause of death. But there were no signs of foul play

Sammy I’m sorry, did you say “first” autopsy?

Ben [confused] Is that normal? Did you- find out the cause of death during the… second autopsy?

Rosenblum Indeed. It was six individual gunshot wounds to the victim’s head. Three shots to the temporal lobe, two to the mendulla oblongata—

Sammy What?! Six gunshot wounds?!

Rosenblum To the cranium, yes. One to the frontal lobe, another to—

Ben So the Lake Hatchenhaw John Doe was, murdered?

Sammy I can’t believe this! This is big! Why didn’t one news outlet report this thing yesterday?!

Rosenblum Well, the cause of death was inconclusive and with no signs of foul play, it was not exactly a juicy story.

Ben and Sammy Wait a second.

Rosenblum …yes?

Sammy I’m sorry, doc. I’m not in the medical orrr criminal fields but, how is six gunshots not foul play?

Rosenblum Well, that was between the first autopsy and the second. The gunshots were self-defense administered via Deputy Kreighauser at my behest.

Sammy Ben, we’re gonna wanna get Troy on the phone and see what he’s got to say about this.

Ben “Things Ben Arnold would never think under ordinary circumstances for 800, Alex.”[2]

Sammy Doc, while we’re getting Deputy Troy on the line, would you mind if we took a quick break to hear from one of our sponsors?

Rosenblum That’s just- Dandy.

[light bg music]

Greg Frickard After a long day’s work or a tough day’s play, you probably just wanna come home and relax. No need to slave over a hot stove for hours on end. Well that’s where we come in! Here at Granny Frickard’s, we know that the less time you spend doing the things you don’t like, is the more time you spend with the ones you love. So come get some of the best frog legs that money can buy. Granny Frickard’s French-fried farm-fresh never-frozen filleted-and-fricasseed fried-and-flambeed frog legs. Mm-mm-mm. So get on down to Granny Frickard’s Froggery at the corner of Main Street and 7th Avenue. We’ll put some pep in your step and some hop in your heart.

[KFAM intro music]

Sammy And we’re back on King Falls AM, here with King Falls County Coroner, Dr. Jeffery Rosenblum.

Rosenblum A Pleasure.

Sammy Do you have Troy, Ben?

Ben He’s booking one of the Williams boys for mooning. He’ll call us in a few.

Sammy I’m a little out of sorts here, doc. Can you explain what happened between the first inconclusive autopsy and the point where Troy filled the cadaver full of lead.

Rosenblum Of course. As I was finishing the initial post-mortem, it came to my attention that the deceased began to emit a hissing sound, fluctuating between the lower thorax and the larynx.

Ben Oh my God.

Rosenblum I called for Deputy Kreighauser and he entered, as I wanted someone else to see this- phenomenon. That’s when the John Doe began a slight, thrashing about the upper torso.

Ben Um… are you saying—

Rosenblum The deputy began to fumble for his sidearm while we both discerned that something was wildly- amiss. The deceased opened its eyes and instantly grabbed for the lapel of my lab coat with voracious tenacity.

Ben Wh- ah- go on.

Rosenblum It gnashed its teeth as I emitted a terrified, albeit, high pitched, scream. And that’s when Troy unholstered his sidearm and administered six lethal shots to the reanimated corpse’s cranium.

Ben A zombie.

Sammy Alright, is there- [fumbling] Let’s just say- is there-

Ben We’ve got Troy on the line.

Deputy Troy [in bg] I don’t care if he was only joshin’. You can’t show your G-D derriere out in public! [car door slams] [pleasantly] Hey boys, what’s goin’ on tonight?

Sammy You tell us, Troy, holy geez! Uh, we’ve got Dr. Rosenblum on the line here and—

Deputy Troy Is this about the zombie?

Ben Yes! So-so you’re confirming this story, Troy?

Deputy Troy Well, hell yeah I’m confirming! I had to do three hours of damn paper work from unloadin’ my pistola into a corpse! Sheriff Gunderson was not the happiest of campers.

Ben [excited and awed] This is amazing… This is unprecedented .

Sammy [skeptical] This is a little unbelievable, Troy.

Rosenblum It is a first in my profession. Believe you me. [still tonelessly] Wowzers.

Deputy Troy Honest engine[3] boys. I capped the all get out of that thing! It had the doc by the face ‘bout to start chewing!

Rosenblum You’re my hero, Deputy Troy.

Deputy Troy Shucks, wasn’t nothin’ special.

Ben [slightly sullen] Except killing the first instance of a zombie in King Falls since—

Sammy Don’t say “since”.

Ben … Well… Since that one time at the mall in the '80s.

Sammy No, that’s not a real thing, Ben. That’s a film.

Ben [worked up] Sammy? How many extraordinary things are gonna have to SLAP you right in the face to make you buy into this? KING FALLS, MAN.

Deputy Troy You know me, Sammy. I always shoot ya straight. But it was the craziest sh[bleep]t I’ve ever seen. I mean it was like my-ex-wife-needs-alimony-money crazy.

Ben See? Even Barney Fife[4] saw it.

Sammy *sighs* I just—

Rosenblum I don’t want to cause an uproar here, but since that exam, there have been, other cases.

Ben Of frickin’ zombies?

Rosenblum Of reanimation among corpses… yes.

Deputy Troy Doc, you just give me a call if you need. I’m more than happy to go Clint Eastwood if the situation arises.

Rosenblum Will do, Deputy. Thank you so much for your- assistance. Without you, there may not have been this- interview.

Deputy Troy [proud] To protect and serve.

Sammy I can’t take all this in right now, Dr. Rosenblum I- e- Thank you so much for your insightful information.

Rosenblum As they say, [still monotone] “you got it, duude.”

[click, dial tone]

Ben You okay, Sammy? You… don’t look so well.

Deputy Troy Ah, hell, boys.[siren whoop] I gotta go. I’ll call you back later tonight! One of the Williams boys is tryin’ ta saw through the bars outside the jailhouse? [sirens in bg] [through megaphone] Jacob Williams put your hands UP and the file DOWN.

[click, dial tone]

Ben Alright King Falls, you’ve heard our story, let’s hear yours. Have you or anyone you know experienced anything like what the doctor spoke of? Reanimation? The walking—

Sammy Don’t.

Ben You know what I mean. Give us a call or tweet us.

Sammy Looks like the board is lighting up!

Ben Um…

Sammy What’s up? Okay, it can’t be any crazier than what we just heard, Ben.

Ben Line One, Sammy.

Sammy Welcome to King Falls AM, you’re on with Sammy and Ben.

Line 1 [female, almost sounds automated] Good evening, Sammy—

Sammy Do I know you ma'am?

Riley — please hold for Mayor Grisham.

Ben He… Probably just wants us to— mark these tapes as, evidence. *nervous laugh* Right, Sammy?

Sammy Or burn them.

Riley Sammy Stevens, Mayor Grisham.

Sammy Mayor?

Mayor Grisham Sammy… Ben.

Sammy You’re on live on King Falls AM, sir.

Mayor Grisham [commanding] Take me off and go to break. We need to chat.

Sammy No can do. Ben says we aren’t scheduled for break for another- uh- at least ten minutes.

Mayor Grisham Ben. Cut. To. Commercial.

Ben Uh- uh- uh- the thing is- I- I- I can’t- do that. Sir.

Mayor Grisham [threateningly pleasant] You boys want to talk live on air? We can talk live on air.

Sammy [challenging] Nothin’ to hide on this end of the phone, Mayor Grisham.

Mayor Grisham I hear your snide remarks, Sammy. I’ve read the transcripts.

Sammy Which! let’s be honest, is pretty weird. We’re a late night AM talk show, why are you bothering with us?

Mayor Grisham Oh, I don’t bother with you. I try to keep up to date with all the local news and entertainment. I gotta say, I was really happy a big city radio guy decided to come play host at our little radio station.

Sammy Well, I’m more than happy to—

Mayor Grisham I wasn’t finished… But I have to say, I’m a little less than thrilled with [accusingly] all the excitement you brought with you.

Sammy I’d hardly call reporting the news “excitement”, sir—

Mayor Grisham It’s interesting to me that I don’t see Channel 13 breaking these crazy stories.

Ben [quickly] No offense, your honor, but those idiots don’t know their a[bleep]holes from their elbows.

Mayor Grisham And you boys being on site when these “events” happen? [softly, still accusing] It’s a little bit of a coincidence don’t you think?

Sammy Are you insinuating that we are staging these events, Mayor?

Mayor Grisham I’m stating facts. I’m sure your ratings are way, way up there since all these sensational events seem to coincide with your broadcast. Why do you think that is? Furthermore, I mean who’s up listening to you at this ungodly hour of the night?!

Sammy Seemingly most of the town, Sir. As well as whomever you’ve hired to keep an ear on us.

Mayor Grisham I’ve tried to be nice about this… And I tried to be civil… but I think it’s about time that you troublemakers changed formats. No more of this funny business. It’s not good for the listeners. It’s not good for the residents. And honestly? it’s not good for me. I don’t appreciated being painted in this light, gentlemen.

Sammy Oh! You mean the light where you as a public service,[sic] try to quell the voice of the people.

Ben It’s not your right to tell us what we can and can’t report on, sir. All due respect.

Mayor Grisham [rudely] All due respect, Ben Arnold. Just a couple of months ago you were digging up old records on eBay for Chet Sebastian to run on about. Now you’re a media star?? That’s worrisome! Seems you fellas have All the reasons in the world to fabricate these issues, and I have to say I’m not gonna sit here and listen to this, while you LIE TO THE GOOD PEOPLE OF KING FALLS.

Sammy Well, when we start “fabricating” and “making things up,” you can come throw the book at us. But until then- [click, dial tone] Whoops! Looks like you just got disconnected. I’d wait for you to give us a call back and all, but with it not being an election year I probably shouldn’t hold my breath.

Ben Line One iiis lit up again, Sammy.

Sammy [insincerely] Oh, sorry about that Mayor! I must have fabricated accidentally dumping your call when-

Esther Rollens [heavy metal music in bg] [voice old and wavering] Did you boys fund a lavender ball of yarn in there? Been looking for it all week! [click, dial tone]

Ben [shaken] Sammy, I think that commercial might do us some good right now.

[KFAM outro]

[CREDITS]

References

[1] Coachella - The Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival (commonly called Coachella or the Coachella Festival) is an annual music and arts festival held at the Empire Polo Club in Indio, California, in the Coachella Valley in the Colorado Desert.

[2] Reference to the TV game show Jeopardy!

[3] I honestly can’t tell if he’s saying “honest engine” or “honest injun” but i’mma go with the one that’s technically incorrect but also not super racist.

[4] Barney Fife - Deputy from the Andy Griffith Show. Calling a police officer or authority figure "Barney Fife" has become an American slang term for gross ineptitude or overzealousness.

#king falls am #king falls #kfam #sammy stevens #ben arnold #troy krieghauser #dr. jeffrey rosenblum #mayor grisham #kfam transcripts #kfam ep5

[namjoonchronicles]

latch | two

Prompt: Do you believe in ghost?

“Oh my goodness that’s him.” You whispered under your breath. “That’s not the answer I wanted but it’s a good start. You say you dreamt of this face, and how many times does it happen?” Taehyung’s face was as serious as ever and his eyes keep flickering to your side, which was empty. “Usually when I’m stressed, or had a bad day, or my period is coming or ending, or all of the above situation. He sometimes show up when a date ended, but I didn’t think it was serious. Because every time he comes in my dream, he would say nice things.”

“Nice things like what?” “I don’t know because I can see his lips moving but I can’t hear any of it, it’s just, it felt good.” Taehyung took the drawing to his lap and adds finishing touches, “He has a scar under his chin.”

“I have a scar underneath my chin.” You murmured, gazing up at Taehyung and blinking once. Grabbing your bag, you sped away from the scene. “This ghost,” Taehyung rushed after you, leaving his things behind, “This ghost has embedded himself on you. He lives with you and goes everywhere you go. He is in love with you, you need to send him away.” Taehyung sped just as quickly as you were. “Even though he sworn to protect you, you have to know that this relationship is unnatural. He will consume your energy to keep himself here in this world, where he doesn’t belong in! Please, listen…” He blocked your way and clasped his hands together. With those puppy dog eyes and a pleading voice, how could you say no?

Night fall. Still, in the middle of a busy street, Taehyung led you to a street down a mystical set of building, Korea’s own Chinatown. Even though Seoul city was a few minutes away, something about this street seems authentic, stuck in time. Taehyung sat on the bench, a red hue Chinese restaurant, and waited for you to finish a call.

“This doesn’t seem right, I’m coming to get you. Send me your location.” Jimin sounded anxious, and you heard him taking the car keys as he pressed his phone to one ear.

“That’s not necessary Jimin. I just called to say that I’m going here, to this place. You don’t have to worry about me, I can take care of myself.” You slowly whispered, not wanting Taehyung to feel bad about you not trusting him.

“You know this guy for like an hour and you’re somewhere in a questionable part of the city and you tell me to calm down? Absolutely not. This wasn’t my problem, until you called me. When you called me, you are informing me, and when information are delivered, it is up to me, how I shall accept it, decipher it and what I do with it. It is now, my concerns as well.” Jimin is already out the door when he said this and the door behind him clicked. “Why do you do this without consulting me first?” He sighed, and his voice goes lower than usual.

“You told me to be adventurous. You told me to step out of my comfort zone. You told me to be bold and unforgiving. That’s exactly what I’m doing.” You hissed to the phone, away from Taehyung now that you find the need to raise your voice a little.

“Baby steps. I didn’t ask you to go mindlessly follow a prick you barely know!” Jimin unlocked his Fiat. And climbed into the driver’s seat. “…You know his name and how he looked like. He is not a prick.” You darted.

“Sure. Of course. I only asked you where you are and mind you, we know each other close to four years now, and you won’t even send me your location when I asked for it, I believe you knowing him for 60 minutes would have given you the authority to decide that he is more trustworthy than I am. And that he is not a prick.” Jimin’s sarcastic remarks was flowing through the phone that you had to press the end-call button at once.

Jimin shot death glares at his phone, staring at it as long as his anger decides to. “She hung up on me. She mother fucking hung up on me.”

Turning to smile at Taehyung, he passed you a small awkward smile as well.

“This ghost doesn’t like whomever was on the phone just now.” Taehyung told you and led the way through a curtain made up of beads and when you took of the beads, you realized they were made of tiny skulls. You jumped to close the distance between you and Taehyung. Walking into a room filled with crystal balls made up of all colours and sizes, along with Taehyung was exciting to say the least. Not in a million years you had imagine yourself to be here, going along with this ridiculous spirit thing, all in one day. You talked to the guy you didn’t imagine talking to, you made Jimin worried about you, went to strange city with a stranger you know 60 minutes ago, and found out you had a ghost who has crush on you—all in one day.

“I feel like I’m going to get conned.” You thought.

A light-hearted chuckle came from the side and you saw a tall man, in black robe, and broad shoulder, “You brought a sceptic.”

“Seokjin-hyung.” Taehyung bowed and so did you.

“It’s not I don’t believe in what you do, with all do respect. I. I have trouble understanding that a ghost is in love with me, when I can’t even have humans, falls in love with me.” You cocked your head to the side, making sure that this actually made sense to you and to them, most importantly. “You have a pure heart. A pure heart has a distinct, overwhelming smell and fortunately for you, this spirit is pretty good at protecting you, although he has tendencies to make people who pursues you witness his gory looks instead of the normal ones he tend to go around with…” Seokjin sets the glass ball away.

“You’re not going to use that?” “This is all for show.”

Seokjin ties his robe tighter and asked Taehyung to sit away from you. “You may witness some incredible shit-show while you’re here, but you have nothing to worry about because the spirit has no intentions of hurting you, therefore. Breath.” Seokjin advices. With no other options, you submitted to his commands and watch him began his line of expertise.

The chair next to you moved back as if someone pulled them to sit. “Show yourself.” And like a bullet shot through your head, you went blank and faint towards the round table you sat on. A semi-translucent figure starts to emerge. “You know if you keep lingering around her, you will tire her.” Seokjin said, in a relaxed manner. Taehyung kept his gaze on this ghost who named himself, Yoongi. “Min Yoongi. Sounds familiar?” Taehyung wrote down to show you later. “I can’t help it. None of these men deserves her.” Yoongi boastfully said. “…And you, a ghost, will?” Seokjin mocked.

“She’s been getting good dreams because of me.” He cocked his eyebrow at Taehyung and Taehyung continued writing in his pad, “…conspicuously self-conceited.” He scribbled and added, “As fuck.” Yoongi chuckled low. “Really, I recall she refers to it as a nightmare.” Seokjin snapped his head at Taehyung.

“She didn’t say.” Taehyung glared at the ghost.

“I believe she mentioned, quote ‘I don’t know because I can see his lips moving but I can’t hear any of it, it’s just, it felt good,’ end quote.” Yoongi cocked his head back, and then laid his arm to rest on the table, before propping his elbow to watch you sleep with an adoring smile on his lips. “’Ridiculously in love’, put that in, Taehyung.” Seokjin gestured to Taehyung. “I don’t know how you’re getting satisfactions from this. She literally does not engage in a relationship she wants to be in and you just meddle around her like you could give her what she needs.” Seokjin clasped his fingers together, straightening up, trying to govern his sleepiness.

It was a very long day.

“What do you mean if I can give her what she needs, I’m the only thing she needs.” Yoongi lulled. “Didn’t you hear? She wants to be in love, but can’t. Why do you think she went to blind dates for?” Taehyung shot. “To kill time. Of course.” Yoongi darted back.

Seokjin rolled his eyes to the side, seemingly annoyed to what’s he is witnessing right now. A persistent ghost and his human lover. There’s not a love-story quite like this. Ghost can experience one-sided love too, it seems. “Enough of this. What’s wrong with those men coming to those dates that you harass them so much?” Seokjin hoisted from his seat, pacing around the table.

“The first guy she went on a blind date with is Kim Namjoon, smart but he has obscene pictures on his phone, so I scared him away because she doesn’t deserve such shallow-minded man. I appeared in the mirror when he came over her house and he pissed his pants. Pussy.” He giggled. And Taehyung turned to the side, a U-shape on his lips seeming to agree that action. “Childish, but go on.” Seokjin commented.

“The second guy was a bit tougher. It took some time for me to shoo him off because he doesn’t seem to get scared very easily. I believe his name was Jeon Jungkook. Young, too young for her. Almost her little brother’s age. Gladly, he took off because she told him he was not for her. Made my work so much easier. So that wasn’t my fault, but she rejected him.” Yoongi tilts the chair back, standing on two instead of four.

“The third guy was a goner even before I made my reveal. All I did was flip the curtain and made his hair stand up and he was out the door, screaming. Pale face and just, gloriously afraid.” Yoongi laughs out heartily at the memory. “I think his name was Hoseok? Yeah, it was.”

Seokjin jutted his chin out and up, sighing. “…look at her.” “Take a good look at her, Yoongi.”

Yoongi’s smile slowly disappears when he really turned to you. Your eyes had dark circles around them, your wrist are tiny from the lack of rest and food. And it seemed like you are finally getting the sleep you need after some time. “I think she looked better than this when you first found her, did she? Vibrant, healthy pair of lips, full of energy and positivity.. Confident and dependable. That’s why you’re drawn to her, right?” Seokjin added. Taehyung shut his pad and set them away. Yoongi’s eyes fall sad. Because he starts realising that. “I just want what’s best for her.” Yoongi whispered low, watching you, studying your face. The atmosphere switches to a heart-wrenching one. It seems that the whole room is accumulating Yoongi’s broken heart.

“She’s my soulmate.” Yoongi added. Seokjin tilt his head, “What did you just say?”

“Ghosts can see their soulmate by the sign of their scars. That’s why Yoongi had scars the same place she had hers.” Taehyung realised.

Yoongi kept his loving gaze on you, and he watches you sleep, a tear spill through one eye, crossing the bridge of his nose and to the table cloth. “I was supposed to meet her that day. But a car ran over me. So I died before I had the chance to know her. I lingered down here because I wanted to be next to her. I can’t do so when I’m alive, so.” Taehyung’s gaze dropped to his feet. Seokjin returns to his seat. “Is there any way we could make as painless as possible, because if you keep being here, she’s going to be drained. Can’t you think of a…A replacement of some kind? So you could leave her be, and she’ll be taken care of well?”

You blasted your eyes open to see, a ceiling?

All you remembered was Taehyung’s deadly smile and you figured, “So this is what they meant when they say; tell me what his ceiling looks like.” Silk duvet draped over your fully clothed body quickly made that thought disappear. As you sit up in the middle of the bed, you heard the bathroom door clicked open. 

“You’re up.” A light voice greeted you and you don’t even have to see his face to confirm, but today, you just needed to make sure that he is not Jimin. A towel hanging low on his hip, his lean muscles looked ripped and ready to take over you but your senses came back. “How did you. How did I? Where…Who.” You scrambled your head for answers.

Jimin sat next to you, his hair still dripping, smiling innocently. “…Taehyung sent me your location. Told me you fell asleep on the table while speaking to him and I brought you to my home because you never told me where you lived. Also, Taehyung told me to give you this.” A portrait of you and behind it, was a sketch. A sketch that was signed, “Min Yoongi.”

“Who is Min Yoongi?” Jimin asked.

The ghost who was in love with me.

#bts #writing this was satisfaction #i felt like a whole chunk of me came out #and i honestly don't care #if this doesn't get enough notes #i was happy to write it #yoongi #min yoongi #bts suga #bangtan net #armies net #bts writers #kpop fanfic #bts suga au #supernatural au #ghost au #min suga #suga fanfic #suga x reader #yoongi x reader #yoongi fics #bangtan fanfic

[minimin1993]

S/M 10

Warning: Cuteness.

Chris and Min finally got out of the car as it drops them off at there hotel when Sebastian came out and embraced Min into a huge hug. 

"Oh Sebastian I miss hugging you so much" She said not letting go.

"Hey there princess. Damn you look great. I could tell you and Chris been hitting the gym a lot haven't you?" Sebastian said looking Min up and down. 

"Yeah he is trying to expand his Captain America look and I was just along with the ride. Don't ask me you boys are crazy with your physiques. However I am happy with my body thank you very much and I love food way too much." She said proudly tapping her stomach which was non existent making the boys laugh.

"Come on time to go get ready you and Sebastian have an interview within 3 hours.” Chris said as they walk into their hotel. When they got to Sebastian hotel room he rushed to the present on the dresser bringing it to Min. 

“Whats this?” Min said looking at the small box. 

“It’s a celebratory present from Chris and I.” Sebastian said with a smirk which Chris is also rocking. 

“Unfair, I didn’t know we were getting gifts, I would have gotten you guys one.” Min pouted. 

“That’s the reason why. Open it.” Chris said, Min opened the gift revealing a Silver Pandora Charm Bracelet with 4 charms already on it.

A Captain America Shield,

a Winter Soldier Star,

a 4 Point Compass,

and a Cinderella carriage.

“I think I know who got what charm.” Min said giggling making the boys laugh.

“Yeah, it's pretty self explanatory but meaningful.” Sebastian said with a smile on his face. 

“Thank you guys.” She said pulling both boys into a hug making them laugh.

“Now go get ready for the interview before they come and kill us.” Chris said.  

 *Interview*

“So today we have with us Sebastian Stan who will be playing the role of Bucky Barnes and MinYoung Tudor playing his love interest Linda Grey. How are you guys today?” The interviewer asked.

“We’re doing good, I just got off the plane not to long ago and here I am doing this interview. I apologize for how ragged I look.” Min said jokingly.

 “You look great,  I don’t see what you mean.” 

“Aww thanks.” 

“So in the movie which will premiere in a few days, I bet you guys are excited about it.” 

“We’re honestly really excited for how the movie is going to turn out. We haven’t seen it yet, we honestly are going to see it later tonight since the three of us finally are together again.” Sebastian answered. 

“I am hoping the dynamic between you three are pretty close then, there's always pictures of you three out and about on and off set.” 

“The friendship we built within this year has been great actually.” Min said 

“It's been great since the first day we met this ball of energy here, oh god she keeps Chris and I on our feet. Hence why we call her our Princess.” Sebastian said nudging Min playfully after hearing her giggle remembering the day they met.

“What is that giggle there?” The interviewer asked playfully.

“Sorry I was remembering the first day we met.” Min said with Sebastian laughing now.

“God that was a funny day.” Sebastian added.

“So is there anything you can reveal about the movie?” 

“I wish but you guys just have to watch and see whats its about. I am just happy I got such good looking Co-Stars.” Min said making Sebastian smirk. “Oh I am not talking about you, I am talking about Hayley.” Min said playfully making him and the interviewer laugh. 

“Yeah Hayley is gorgeous.” The interviewer said 

“And lucky Chris got to kiss her.” Min pouted before her eyes got wide and slapped her hands on her mouth making the interviewer laugh harder. 

“So we are going to be expecting a kiss scene from Chris and Hayley. Does that mean we will get one of you two as well?” The interviewer asked wiggling her eyebrows at them.

“Nope Min has reveal too much already, I guess you guys just have to watch and see.” Sebastian said winking at Min still has her hands on her mouth with a blush creeping up her face. 

“Oh my god are you blushing? This is great and you guys got it on camera. I rarely get to see her blush. I am going to be saving this interview.” Sebastian said looking at Min and pointing to the camera making everyone laugh as Min blush harder. 

“Shut up Sebastian I swear, your going to be the death of me.” She said hiding her face in her hands now. 

“Well this interview has taken an unexpecting fun turn, but thats all the time we have for today.” “Yeah it’s been great, I got to see my Princess blush which is captured on camera.” Sebastian said proudly. 

“Well we give you Sebastian Stan as Bucky Barnes and MinYoung Tudor as Linda Grey.” 

 A couple days.

“I am so nervous.” Sebastian said as he was cuffing his shirt as Min was getting her final touches  done in the bathroom. 

“You can do it, and I will be right next to you literally.” Min said through the door since Sebastian hasn’t seen her outfit yet. 

“I still don’t understand why Jonghyun didn’t come to be your date for your first movie premiere.” Sebastian said disappointedly.

“Meh, his group has tour right now in Japan that would clash with the premiere. Its fine I really wanted to go with you anyways.” 

“Why? Not that I am complaining of course I would want a beautiful woman on my arm for the night.” Sebastian said 

“Because it just feels right. If you know what I mean.” Min said with no hesitation making Sebastian grin like an idiot. 

“Yeah I know what you mean.” 

“Anyways how do I look?” Min said as she walks out the bathroom all ready to go.

Sebastian turned around and stare at Min in awe.

“Is it bad?” Min said doing a little twirl. 

“No, you look great. It compliments you really well.” He said feeling his face get a little hotter. 

“Thanks, the stylist gave me a bunch to look at and she left this one on the back burner but it was the one that caught my attention.” Min said soothing out the tulle on the skirt. 

“Do you need help with the tie?” Min said pointing at Sebastian who still haven’t done his tie yet. 

“Yeah if you can.” He said as she walks over. 

“Of course I can, come here.” She said as the reach for the tie hanging on his neck and start to knot it for him as he stares down at her seeing the key necklace hanging on the outside of her dress.

“What?” Min said with a smile on her face staring at him.

“Nothing, just I am thankful you're with me. You keep me from thinking negatively.” He said with a smile on his face. 

“Likewise Mr. Stan.” She said giving him a wink before giving him a kiss on the cheek. “Done. Come on lets go the limo should be here soon.” She said turning around to grab her clutch. 

 Once the limo arrived to the El Capitan Theatre Min was a nervous mess making Sebastian laugh at her. 

“Stop laughing at me, this is technically my first premiere. What if I mess up? Or embarrass myself.” Min said nervously biting the inside of her lips.

“You will be fine princess, I will be right next to you. You ready?” Sebastian said holding her hand.

“Yeah this kill this.” Min said with a nervous smile. Sebastian walked out the opened door first holding his hand out waiting for Min to step out while the fans and reporters went wild. Min took a deep breath and stepped out holding Sebastian hand.

“You got this princess.” Sebastian whispered into her ears as the crowd screamed louder. Once Min took a look around and saw some of the fans holding her pictures she had the happiest smile on her face before turning to Sebastian who was staring at her with a grin on his face and walked up the red carpet together. 

#bucky x reader #james buchanan barnes #sebastian stan #sebastian x reader #steve rogers #the first avenger #winter solider x you #winter soldier #originl character #captain america #infinity war #chris evans #original character #marvel

[gethealthy18-blog]

Our Southwest US Road Trip + What I Learned Along the Way

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/our-southwest-us-road-trip-what-i-learned-along-the-way/

Our Southwest US Road Trip + What I Learned Along the Way

I was just looking through the Travel Archives and discovered that the last travel post I shared was almost a year ago from our trip to Boise, Idaho. Our life certainly hasn’t been short on travel with trips to Hawaii, New York, Phoenix, Toronto, Minneapolis and many weekend trips around California but for some reason I’ve found myself wanting to keep a lot of these moments private. Part of this is wanting to really experience these moments and not feel obligated to capture every single detail, and part is just growing up and finding my values have shifted. I am immensely grateful for my friends and family and it’s important that I give them my full attention without them feeling like I’m exposing their lives, even if they’re a part of mine.

It’s also an interesting conundrum that you run into when you quite literally grow up on the internet. I started THM when I was 23. I’m turning 30 in a few months. I’m not the person I was when I first started this place and while I don’t regret a single thing I have shared, I find myself wanting to share different parts of myself now. It’s still important to me that this be a space of transparency and provide helpful resources for you, but what I ate for breakfast this morning and going out to dinner with my friends doesn’t need to be a part of that. And that’s okay…

Same goes for travel. I don’t need to document every place I visit and take you along with me all day long. My job title may be “content creator” but it’s a fine line between living my life and generating content. In the last few months I’ve found myself seeing moments of my life through the lens of someone else instead of seeing it through my eyes first. So I’ve had to find a way to continue sharing resources with you while also protecting the integrity of my experiences and well, my life. This Southwest US road trip helped me to do just that.

I went into the trip knowing that I wanted to experience things first and share later. This meant going completely offline during the two weeks we were away. I brought my vlogging camera with me incase I wanted to do video (I ended up not wanting to) and my camera to capture moments that felt special and important. BUT I didn’t share every single moment of my trip on Instagram and Instagram stories. Back in the day, it was so much easier to just do a write up on the blog about a trip. Now there’s an expectation that people come along with you for every moment. This trip helped me to realize that I don’t need to do this if it isn’t in line with my values. Other people may feel differently but this is my truth and enough hours on the road without technology made me feel completely assured in this decision.

So here I am, a few weeks out and feeling ready to share this adventure with you. Of course, this recap won’t capture the intimate moments like walking through the desert with C talking about our hopes and dreams or laughing our butts off as Bodhi face planted into a ditch with his poodle cousins. It won’t include sitting by the fire while C and I read our vows to one another on our one year wedding anniversary or the pure terror in my eyes as I watched one too many people take selfies over the Grand Canyon. But what it will do is leave space for you to make your own memories.  I’m sharing my favorite places to stay, eat and visit in the US Southwest but leaving room for the moments in between; the ones that you can keep quiet and precious and years from now look back on fondly, just as I am doing right now.

LEAVING SAN FRANCISCO

The ultimate goal was to make our way over to New Mexico to visit some of C’s family and family friends who live there. 30+ years ago C’s Dad purchased land outside of Albuquerque that we wanted to go and see for ourselves. That left a lot of different routes to get there. Because we don’t go anywhere without our dog, we were somewhat confined to what we could do with Bodhi so that did limit things and ultimately determined the path that we took. Keep this in mind as you examine our route and pick your own.

SAN FRANCISCO –> JOSHUA TREE (8 hours)

Where we stayed: The Rock Yacht Airbnb (you can save $30 off your first airbnb using this link)

The more direct route would have been to drive through Death Valley National Park, however 100 degree weather + a dog is a terrible idea so we went a little further south to Joshua Tree. We’ve been to Joshua Tree before so we didn’t venture into the park this time and instead stayed in a cute little airstream in TwentyNine Palms. You could climb the rocks in their backyard and the patio was amazing. TBH the inside felt a little stale but it was a nice, cheap, dog-friendly option.

Where we ate:

Lunch at Natural Sisters Cafe (head next door to Grateful Desert for herbs + crystal shopping!)

Coffee from Joshua Tree Coffee Co

Dinner from Pie for the People!

ZION NATIONAL PARK

JOSHUA TREE –> ZION NATIONAL PARK (6 hours)

Where we stayed: “glamping” airbnb in Hildale, Utah

We were glamping about 45 mins outside of Zion so we made sure to stop in Las Vegas (which is on route) to pick up some food for the night. There’s very little in the area besides the town next to Zion which is expensive so stock up!

What we did:

Hike the Pa’rus Trail in Zion – Dogs aren’t allowed on hiking paths in Zion with the exception of this one. It’s paved but it’s beautiful and gives you a nice perspective of the park.

Coral Sand Dunes State Park – Pink sand dunes! Go here. It’s awesome.

FOUR CORNERS

HILDALE, UTAH –> CORTEZ, CO (5.5 hours)

Where we stayed: Kelly’s Place – We camped but they also have a bed and breakfast you can stay at.

What we did: 

Horseshoe Bend – a little chaotic but a short hike to a beautiful vista in Page, Arizona

*note: we would have loved to have done Antelope Canyon (also in Page) but you cannot bring a dog!

Explore Kelly’s Place – there’s historic ruins on the property that have been excavated and you can hike directly into Canyon of the Ancients National Monument (it was raining so we didn’t go in). Kelly’s place also had a presentation by a leader of the Ute Tribe and it was amazing and so educational.

Where we ate: 

Birdhouse – fried chicken and beer in Page, AZ. Not a whole lot of options in Page but this was damn good!

Kelly’s Place – we cooked our own food for dinner on our camping stove and breakfast is included here

SANTA FE, NEW MEXICO (2 nights)

CORTEZ, CO –> SANTA FE, NM (4.5 hours)

Where we stayed: An adorable airbnb casita just oustide Santa Fe (night 1) + El Rey Court Hotel in Santa Fe (night 2)

What we did:

Ghost Ranch (Abiquiu, NM)- Made famous by Georgia O’keeffe, this is an education and retreat center showing the best of Northern New Mexico. It’s on the drive into to Santa Fe if coming from the north. You can take one of many hikes around the property.

Frank Ortiz Dog Park – even if you don’t have a dog, this is a beautiful and easy walk that gives you epic views of Santa Fe and is especially nice at sunset.

Ojo Caliente – A gorgeous spa + natural hot springs an hour north of Santa Fe. We rented a private tub and got massages but if you have the day I recommend spending it there!

Santa Fe State Park (Dale Ball Trails) – A beautiful network of trails in the Santa Fe mountains that is very accessible (no snow pack) and dog-friendly

Explore Downtown – There are so many cute stores and nooks and crannies to explore in SF. The Palace of Governors has an awesome Native American Market outside and if you’re there on a weekend there’s tons of pop-up art markets too.

*note: we didn’t make it to Meow Wolf but hopefully next time!

Where we ate:

Santa Fe has THE BEST FOOD. We are going back here just to eat. These were some highlights:

Modern General – Great coffee, vibes and healthy food. They source locally too + dog-friendly.

Radish & Rye – This was our anniversary splurge meal and it was sooooo worth it. The food is delicious and the bourbon cocktails even better.

Fire & Hops – a funky gastropub with lots of local beer choices and solid food. Get the brussels sprouts!

La Casa Sena – a perfect lunch or dinner spot for outdoor dining right on the square. The nooner cocktail was amazing and don’t miss the cornbread muffins they serve to kickstart the meal.

Rowley Farmhouse Ales – if you like beer this is your place. We did a flight and loved trying out some of their interesting varieties including a smoked beer and lots of different sours.

Coffee: Iconik Coffee + 35 Degrees North – both great options though Iconik was our favorite!

ALBUQUERQUE, NEW MEXICO (2 nights)

SANTA FE, NM –> ALBUQUERQUE, NM (1 hour)

Where we stayed: with family and friends!

What we did:

Los Poblanos Lavender Farm – TBH this was a bit of a let down. It was way too bougie and over the top fancy. Also no dogs. Wouldn’t recommend unless you’re planning to ball out at the hotel.

Spur Line Supply Co – a huge and eclectic shop in the sawmill district of Albuqurque. We loved it here and spent hours browsing! They have everything from skincare, to hippie crystal books to records. A total gem of a spot.

Old Town – we actually didn’t go to Old Town on this visit but have been there before. It’s fun to walk around and get a taste of NM.

*note: we spent most of our time here with family and friends just hanging out and enjoying their company. C’s aunt and uncle live on a horse ranch and one of our trip highlights we exploring their property and playing with all of the animals. I wish everyone could have this experience! Also thank you to our fam + friends for all of the delicious meals and hospitality.

SEDONA, ARIZONA (2 Nights)

ALBUQUERQUE, NM –> SEDONA, ARIZONA (5.5 Hours)

Where we stayed: An Airbnb – a small little guest house that’s perfect for a couple (forgot to take pics!)

What we did:

Petrified Forest National Park – along the way to Sedona, be sure to stop here to see million year old petrified trees, thousand year old petroglyphs and try to not get blown over by the wind. Must do: Crystal Trail.

Winslow, Arizona – Big fan of The Eagles? Stop here! Trip highlight was standing on the corner of Winslow, Arizona

In Sedona:

Cathedral Rock Trail – This is not for the faint of heart and while C and I probably would have made it to the top, we had the Bodhi man and it was simply too tricky getting a 70 lb pup all the way up. We got up about 3/4 of the way and it was spectacular

Cathedral Rock Vortex – Sedona is famous for it’s vortexes (more here) and we knew we wanted to experience one while we were there. We veered off the trail a little bit and found ourselves close to the center of the vortex but then drove around to the other side of Cathedral Rock to get a different perspective. We did a short hike along the Baldwin Trail and dipped our toes in Oak Creek and meditated. It was so calm and peaceful.

Sugarloaf Trail – we could access this trail right off our airbnb so we actually hiked it a couple of times. It’s a short loop and gives you a nice perspective of Sedona

Tlaquepaque Shopping Village – a combination of expensive local art and kitchy crystal and psychic shops. It was a little over the top for me but it’s a nice area to walk around.

See a Medium – I REALLY wanted to see a medium in Sedona but wanted it to happen naturally. On every other corner there’s an advertisement for a medium but thanks to a divine intervention I was connected to Christina Wooten and I’m so so happy I went to see her.

Where we ate:

SaltRock Southwest Kitchen – The view and the craft cocktails are better than the food but both still make it worth a visit!

ChocolaTree – Went for breakfast and while the food may have tasted better to us if we were vegan and gluten-free, the mocha latte was insanely good

Local Juicery – Every single person told us to go here and I’m glad they did. After eating pretty indulgently it was nice to get in a healthy and nutritious meal. The acai bowl is SO good.

Secret Garden Cafe– This place was quite a surprise! We were hungry when we got to Tlaquepaque and this restaurant sits right at the entrance. The food was awesome and we appreciated the casual ambiance on the patio.

Thai Spices – We wanted something a little different after a lot of southwestern food and we were excited to find an awesome thai place in Sedona.

*note: we wanted to make it to Elote Cafe but we didn’t end up having time – hopefully next time!

GRAND CANYON NATIONAL PARK

SEDONA, AZ –> GRAND CANYON NP (2 hours)

Where we stayed: Mather Campground

What we did: Hiked the South Rim Trail. The South Rim Trail is dog-friendly. You cannot hike into the canyon with a dog so this is your only real option but gives you a great perspective on the canyon. Very crowded – just a heads up! Pro tip: wake up early to watch the sunrise on the canyon.

Where we ate: We were camping so we ate dinner and breakfast at our campsite

JOSHUA TREE NATIONAL PARK

GRAND CANYON NP –> JOSHUA TREE NP (6 hours)

Where we stayed: Another airbnb (HIGHLY recommend)

What we did: Nothing! Just hung out at the property. It was beautiful and so relaxing.

Where we ate: Our airbnb was a little far from town so we stopped in TwentyNine Palms for grocery store provisions and cooked at our airbnb.

PASO ROBLES, CALIFORNIA

JOSHUA TREE NP –> PASO ROBLES, CA (5 hours)

I have been wanting to go to Paso Robles since moving to San Francisco but besides stopping through one time for lunch we’ve never spent any time there. We considered driving the coast but we knew that after 13 days we probably wanted to get home a little faster so Paso made for the perfect stop. We loved it!

Where we stayed: Dunning Vineyards – they have the cutest little guest suite that overlooks the vineyards. Highly recommend!

What we did: When in Paso Robles, you wine taste!

Grey Wolf + Barton Family Vineyards – awesome sister wineries with a cool vibe and delicious food

Dunning Vineyards – this was included in our stay and we loved getting to know Bob Dunning and learn how he started his winery

Tablas Creek Vineyard – one of the first vineyards in Paso Robles and a sister winery to a French vineyard in the Rhone region. Organic + Biodynamic too.

Where we ate:

Fish Gaucho – GO HERE! Delicious California – Mexican food

Thomas Hill Organics – Awesome lunch and relaxing patio. Everything is organic and locally sourced

Spearhead Coffee – stop in for a latte – so good!

* * * * *

From Paso Robles we had a 3.5 hour drive home to San Francisco at which point we were so ready to settle in and C was ready to be done driving. And that was that! There were many places we didn’t get to either because we’ve been more recently or didn’t have time but it was a pretty packed two weeks nonetheless. My hope is that this post can either a) inspire you to visit the US Southwest or b) find some inspiration for your already planned trip. We also plan to revisit some of these areas so please do drop some of your favorites in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you. Happy travels!

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[adambstingus]

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a ¾ circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

I had the runs, and well. You know… I pooped. It was especially runny, it felt weird landing on the back of my thighs. It really sucked, but I kept on at it for a few more minutes.. Then I felt the bubble guts. I was torn. I was drunk, so I was debating if I wanted to just shit and keep going or get up and run away. Some how those were my only two options.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least.

He said/gestured if I was coming to class and soI rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, “Do you mind helping me with these papers?” with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis.

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

I went to college at a school with a large deaf population, so there a couple thousand deaf kids running around campus at any given time. First big party night of the fall, and everyone is getting shitfaced. Two of my roommates and I had returned to the apt for a quick smoke session.

So in barges our other roommate with a girl of clearly questionable virtue, and immediately they run upstairs to his bedroom without another word. Our roommate was a lanky ginger with a scruffy red beard and mustache… we used to call him brother Hezekiah.

So about 5-10 minutes go by, and all of a sudden this girl comes bounding down the stairs half dressed at best and runs out the door. Our roommate closely follows jumps down the last stair to the landing, and starts yelling “deaf girl down! deaf girl down!”.

We start laughing hysterically and as I’m about to ask him wtf happened, i notice the blood running down his redbearded chin to his neck and chest. It was truly a vulgar site…at that point I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

Going down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like being force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheese smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

Went to a swingers club with my chick at the time, was hanging out and having a great time. At some point I figure I must have picked up the wrong champagne glass that was meant for this hot ukranian girl next to me.

About an hour later we were going in the taxi back to our apt with another girl my gf had met there at the club when I was violently sick and started to black out, in the front of the cab. Barely made it home, then collapsed for about 15 hours. Aparently my gf and the chick had to pay the taxi guy like 100 bucks and it was a big mess. Of course my 3some was off, thanks asshole.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

14. Cats Hate You

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

I went down on my girlfriend when neither of us had realized she had a yeast infection. I knew something was off, but kept going anyway. Two days later I had a sore throat and when I looked at it in the mirror it was all white and nasty. Then, she went to the doctor, got her diagnosis, and when she told me about it I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I had a yeast infection in my throat. Ugh. It went away pretty quickly on its own though.

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

So Nate was in South Carolina for the summer, and he went out for a night of drinking. He met an older lady (Nate was 21, she was in her 40’s) and apparently hit it off. They left together, but since Nate was staying with his aunt and uncle, and she was married, they didn’t have a proper place to go have a fuck. They decide to just pull over and have at it right there in some random field.

So, Nate get’s off, they get back in the car, he drops her off, and he goes home to get some rest. He went to the bathroom to piss out some of the beer he drank that night and looked down at his dick. It was GREEN. So, naturally, he freaks out and calls the girl up immediately (apparently they had exchanged numbers).

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

I was going down on this guy that I had just started seeing. He is uncircumcised so I pull the skin down around the tip and see *shudder… cottage cheese. I just could not go on but being the resourceful girl that I am, I stood up, walked over to the sink, ran some warm water on a wash cloth, came back, playfully cleaned him up and went back at it.

20.Seems An Overreation

First year of university. I’m escorted back to my domicile by a young gallant. Once we get in, I’m naked, admiring his rather lovely body and ignoring his rather stilted pillow talk. All was going well… until my period started.

That pretty much killed the mood, and I can understand. But I thought it was a bit disproportionate when he got his phone out and CALLED HIS MUM FOR A RIDE HOME. Especially since he was STILL NAKED AND ERECT. I watched this punk rock dude, naked but for mohawk and piercings, stiffy gently bouncing, politely tell his mother where he was and that yes, he’d submitted his coursework.

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

In Beijing, I hooked up with this woman I met at a bar. Right after we finished going at it, She asks me, in Chinese, if she can drink my water. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t have a bottle of water or anything. It turns out the word for ‘water’ actually means ‘liquid’ in general. She point towards the used condom I was still holding, took it from my hand, tipped it up, and drank it down–sucking the condom inside out to get every last drop. I died a little on the inside.

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

I’m sure condoms taste nasty. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just told me ahead of time. I would have been perfectly happy to pull out, remove the condom, and finish in her mouth without having to use the condom as a nasty, latex cup.

22. Class Act All The Way

I did hook up with a girl once who’s “pubic area” smelled of death itself, but what can you say about a 22 yr old girl (who’s man is in jail) that you pick up in a Jewish cemetery at 2 am, get head from 5 min later and then try and fuck in a ditch behind her house… We went back to her house, I passed out, and woke up to realise I was sleeping on a dog turd on her bed room floor. I was amazed it was the ONLY turd I slept on. I was classy people at 16.

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

My buddy and I met these 2 chicks. Way leads on to way and we’re in the hotel room, all four of us. It’s very “dear penthouse” in there – switching back and forth and such – and then we go for the epic DP. I’m pretty fucked up, but draw backdoor duty. My buddy’s got a girl on his face (straddling his shoulders) and one on his hips. I feel myself getting ready, so I pull out, walk around and… uh… come on my buddy’s face because I thought it would be hilarious.

The fallout – I’m laughing maniacally, and both girls end up laughing. My friend is pissed off, but finishes, but then punches me in the face, several times. I was laughing the whole time, but had a pretty nasty black eye.

The fallout, part the second: a few days later at lunch another friend asked how I got the black eye. My buddy just slammed his lunch tray down on the table and stormed off as I start laughing uncontrollably again.

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

This is the sad case of Carrie “fisher”. I met this lovely Canadian girl at a dive bar in Sydney and in my drunken suave state managed to procure her phone number. SO I called and 6 days later on the Friday I went over to her flat for dinner. I ended up talking to her gay flatmate most of the time, mostly about planes and didn’t really hit it off with the Canadian named Carrie.

Finally everyone went to bed and Carrie and I were left alone to talk in the kitchen. The kitchen talk led to kitchen kissing and before you know it I had found out that she was not wearing any panties. But through my Holmes like deductive skills I knew that something wasn’t quite right and so I sheepishly asked her: “Do you have something inside?” to which I received an unprovoked: “No, I’ve just got a shallow pussy”. My prudishness set in. And let me say I am one of those conservative looking inwardly extreme people. Suffice it to say I kept on and again was met with “resistance”. I plucked up the courage to say: “No , I really think you have something in there” and with deft and nimble fingers, proceeded to slide out and uncork a hard, 7 day old, mucous encrusted tampon.

“The Silver Slug Incident” as Carrie’s house would later call it as though it was all a big joke and not remotely gross. It flopped to the floor with a “flop” and it was kind of like Alladin’s lamp, except that the genie was the worst smell. Kind of like when you walk pass a plot of land and turn to your friend and say: “wow, smells like something is dead in there”. It was the stench of something so putrid and rotten and it went deep inside me. After seeing smelling it she immediately stated: “Oh, my god I am sooo embarrassed.” I, of course, was embarrassed for her and nervously asked if she wanted a bath. “What do you mean?” Not knowing what to say I said with a question: “with me?” Cut to having a bath Cut from bath to spending the night and actually having sex with her because I was to wimpy to say: “That’s gross and I am outta here!”

Cut to the next week in the dvd store that I worked at. She comes in and rents Spiderman. We talk in that “I’m not acknowledging what happened” way. Her flatmate-a girl comes in and also gets Spiderman and with a tiny dvd store full of customers yells out as she leaves: “Oh and by the way…you gave Carrie a yeast infection!”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169088351967

[samanthasroberts]

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a 3/4 circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

I had the runs, and well. You know… I pooped. It was especially runny, it felt weird landing on the back of my thighs. It really sucked, but I kept on at it for a few more minutes.. Then I felt the bubble guts. I was torn. I was drunk, so I was debating if I wanted to just shit and keep going or get up and run away. Some how those were my only two options.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least.

He said/gestured if I was coming to class and soI rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, “Do you mind helping me with these papers?” with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis.

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

I went to college at a school with a large deaf population, so there a couple thousand deaf kids running around campus at any given time. First big party night of the fall, and everyone is getting shitfaced. Two of my roommates and I had returned to the apt for a quick smoke session.

So in barges our other roommate with a girl of clearly questionable virtue, and immediately they run upstairs to his bedroom without another word. Our roommate was a lanky ginger with a scruffy red beard and mustache… we used to call him brother Hezekiah.

So about 5-10 minutes go by, and all of a sudden this girl comes bounding down the stairs half dressed at best and runs out the door. Our roommate closely follows jumps down the last stair to the landing, and starts yelling “deaf girl down! deaf girl down!”.

We start laughing hysterically and as I’m about to ask him wtf happened, i notice the blood running down his redbearded chin to his neck and chest. It was truly a vulgar site…at that point I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

Going down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like being force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheese smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

Went to a swingers club with my chick at the time, was hanging out and having a great time. At some point I figure I must have picked up the wrong champagne glass that was meant for this hot ukranian girl next to me.

About an hour later we were going in the taxi back to our apt with another girl my gf had met there at the club when I was violently sick and started to black out, in the front of the cab. Barely made it home, then collapsed for about 15 hours. Aparently my gf and the chick had to pay the taxi guy like 100 bucks and it was a big mess. Of course my 3some was off, thanks asshole.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

14. Cats Hate You

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

I went down on my girlfriend when neither of us had realized she had a yeast infection. I knew something was off, but kept going anyway. Two days later I had a sore throat and when I looked at it in the mirror it was all white and nasty. Then, she went to the doctor, got her diagnosis, and when she told me about it I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I had a yeast infection in my throat. Ugh. It went away pretty quickly on its own though.

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

So Nate was in South Carolina for the summer, and he went out for a night of drinking. He met an older lady (Nate was 21, she was in her 40’s) and apparently hit it off. They left together, but since Nate was staying with his aunt and uncle, and she was married, they didn’t have a proper place to go have a fuck. They decide to just pull over and have at it right there in some random field.

So, Nate get’s off, they get back in the car, he drops her off, and he goes home to get some rest. He went to the bathroom to piss out some of the beer he drank that night and looked down at his dick. It was GREEN. So, naturally, he freaks out and calls the girl up immediately (apparently they had exchanged numbers).

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

I was going down on this guy that I had just started seeing. He is uncircumcised so I pull the skin down around the tip and see *shudder… cottage cheese. I just could not go on but being the resourceful girl that I am, I stood up, walked over to the sink, ran some warm water on a wash cloth, came back, playfully cleaned him up and went back at it.

20.Seems An Overreation

First year of university. I’m escorted back to my domicile by a young gallant. Once we get in, I’m naked, admiring his rather lovely body and ignoring his rather stilted pillow talk. All was going well… until my period started.

That pretty much killed the mood, and I can understand. But I thought it was a bit disproportionate when he got his phone out and CALLED HIS MUM FOR A RIDE HOME. Especially since he was STILL NAKED AND ERECT. I watched this punk rock dude, naked but for mohawk and piercings, stiffy gently bouncing, politely tell his mother where he was and that yes, he’d submitted his coursework.

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

In Beijing, I hooked up with this woman I met at a bar. Right after we finished going at it, She asks me, in Chinese, if she can drink my water. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t have a bottle of water or anything. It turns out the word for ‘water’ actually means ‘liquid’ in general. She point towards the used condom I was still holding, took it from my hand, tipped it up, and drank it down–sucking the condom inside out to get every last drop. I died a little on the inside.

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

I’m sure condoms taste nasty. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just told me ahead of time. I would have been perfectly happy to pull out, remove the condom, and finish in her mouth without having to use the condom as a nasty, latex cup.

22. Class Act All The Way

I did hook up with a girl once who’s “pubic area” smelled of death itself, but what can you say about a 22 yr old girl (who’s man is in jail) that you pick up in a Jewish cemetery at 2 am, get head from 5 min later and then try and fuck in a ditch behind her house… We went back to her house, I passed out, and woke up to realise I was sleeping on a dog turd on her bed room floor. I was amazed it was the ONLY turd I slept on. I was classy people at 16.

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

My buddy and I met these 2 chicks. Way leads on to way and we’re in the hotel room, all four of us. It’s very “dear penthouse” in there – switching back and forth and such – and then we go for the epic DP. I’m pretty fucked up, but draw backdoor duty. My buddy’s got a girl on his face (straddling his shoulders) and one on his hips. I feel myself getting ready, so I pull out, walk around and… uh… come on my buddy’s face because I thought it would be hilarious.

The fallout – I’m laughing maniacally, and both girls end up laughing. My friend is pissed off, but finishes, but then punches me in the face, several times. I was laughing the whole time, but had a pretty nasty black eye.

The fallout, part the second: a few days later at lunch another friend asked how I got the black eye. My buddy just slammed his lunch tray down on the table and stormed off as I start laughing uncontrollably again.

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

This is the sad case of Carrie “fisher”. I met this lovely Canadian girl at a dive bar in Sydney and in my drunken suave state managed to procure her phone number. SO I called and 6 days later on the Friday I went over to her flat for dinner. I ended up talking to her gay flatmate most of the time, mostly about planes and didn’t really hit it off with the Canadian named Carrie.

Finally everyone went to bed and Carrie and I were left alone to talk in the kitchen. The kitchen talk led to kitchen kissing and before you know it I had found out that she was not wearing any panties. But through my Holmes like deductive skills I knew that something wasn’t quite right and so I sheepishly asked her: “Do you have something inside?” to which I received an unprovoked: “No, I’ve just got a shallow pussy”. My prudishness set in. And let me say I am one of those conservative looking inwardly extreme people. Suffice it to say I kept on and again was met with “resistance”. I plucked up the courage to say: “No , I really think you have something in there” and with deft and nimble fingers, proceeded to slide out and uncork a hard, 7 day old, mucous encrusted tampon.

“The Silver Slug Incident” as Carrie’s house would later call it as though it was all a big joke and not remotely gross. It flopped to the floor with a “flop” and it was kind of like Alladin’s lamp, except that the genie was the worst smell. Kind of like when you walk pass a plot of land and turn to your friend and say: “wow, smells like something is dead in there”. It was the stench of something so putrid and rotten and it went deep inside me. After seeing smelling it she immediately stated: “Oh, my god I am sooo embarrassed.” I, of course, was embarrassed for her and nervously asked if she wanted a bath. “What do you mean?” Not knowing what to say I said with a question: “with me?” Cut to having a bath Cut from bath to spending the night and actually having sex with her because I was to wimpy to say: “That’s gross and I am outta here!”

Cut to the next week in the dvd store that I worked at. She comes in and rents Spiderman. We talk in that “I’m not acknowledging what happened” way. Her flatmate-a girl comes in and also gets Spiderman and with a tiny dvd store full of customers yells out as she leaves: “Oh and by the way…you gave Carrie a yeast infection!”

Source: http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/12/29/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/

[allofbeercom]

24 People Share The Grossest, Most Unsettling Thing They Ever Experienced While Hooking Up

1.Sixty Two Stitches

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stitches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life.

2. Bless You

He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

3. Love Conquers All

My story probably doesn’t compare to any of these but here goes:

I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a 3/4 circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

4.Legit Upsetting

Three words.

Anal sex. Pinworms.

It’s fucking nasty to pull your dick out and see a dozen or so worms writhing around on the condom.

5.Butt Stuff Isn’t For The Timid

So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

6. Definitely Karma At Work

I accidentally shit once while fucking a girl.

I was pretty drunk and had to fart.

I had the runs, and well. You know… I pooped. It was especially runny, it felt weird landing on the back of my thighs. It really sucked, but I kept on at it for a few more minutes.. Then I felt the bubble guts. I was torn. I was drunk, so I was debating if I wanted to just shit and keep going or get up and run away. Some how those were my only two options.

My body had a third option.

I decided to get up and just leave but I didn’t want get my pants all covered in shit.

So I did a quick wipe with the boxers, threw my jeans on.. and pretty much just walked out.

I was really upset at myself for how I handled it.

I started to walk home and I fell down and shit myself.

I think it could have been karma.

7.Busted

We were messing around in the car waiting for the class to start where I had to write my midterm exam. So to relieve some pressure I suggested a quick one. She agreed. We were in the school parking lot and right when I finished and was about to pull the condom (my gf was in the front seat already) our prof parks right next to us. I was terrified to say the least.

He said/gestured if I was coming to class and soI rolled my window down with my hand on my crotch and said yes. He said, “Do you mind helping me with these papers?” with the best poker face ever! I had no other choice but to say yes. So I pulled my pants up and walked with him with the cum filled condom still on my penis.

I was in the class for one hour and 45 mins and had to write the test with the condom on my dick. Every time I moved I died a little inside.

8.Banjo String

I split my ‘banjo string’ if you know what I mean. Blood EVERYWHERE.

9. “Deaf Girl Down”

I went to college at a school with a large deaf population, so there a couple thousand deaf kids running around campus at any given time. First big party night of the fall, and everyone is getting shitfaced. Two of my roommates and I had returned to the apt for a quick smoke session.

So in barges our other roommate with a girl of clearly questionable virtue, and immediately they run upstairs to his bedroom without another word. Our roommate was a lanky ginger with a scruffy red beard and mustache… we used to call him brother Hezekiah.

So about 5-10 minutes go by, and all of a sudden this girl comes bounding down the stairs half dressed at best and runs out the door. Our roommate closely follows jumps down the last stair to the landing, and starts yelling “deaf girl down! deaf girl down!”.

We start laughing hysterically and as I’m about to ask him wtf happened, i notice the blood running down his redbearded chin to his neck and chest. It was truly a vulgar site…at that point I literally fell to the floor laughing.

Long story short, she was deaf and couldn’t seem to communicate to him not to go down on her because she was on her period. She fled the scene in mortified embarrassment.

My roommate, despite our advice to the contrary, splashed some water on his face and went back out to party.

10. Cheesy

Going down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like being force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheese smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

11. Drank A Drugged Drink Intended For A Girl

I once got drugged, no shit.

Went to a swingers club with my chick at the time, was hanging out and having a great time. At some point I figure I must have picked up the wrong champagne glass that was meant for this hot ukranian girl next to me.

About an hour later we were going in the taxi back to our apt with another girl my gf had met there at the club when I was violently sick and started to black out, in the front of the cab. Barely made it home, then collapsed for about 15 hours. Aparently my gf and the chick had to pay the taxi guy like 100 bucks and it was a big mess. Of course my 3some was off, thanks asshole.

I totally didn’t think that ‘date rape drug in your drink’ urban legend was true until that night.

12. The Most Horrible Of Horror Stories

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

13. What A Trooper

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

14. Cats Hate You

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

15. The Mystery Throat Infection

I went down on my girlfriend when neither of us had realized she had a yeast infection. I knew something was off, but kept going anyway. Two days later I had a sore throat and when I looked at it in the mirror it was all white and nasty. Then, she went to the doctor, got her diagnosis, and when she told me about it I put 2 and 2 together and realized that I had a yeast infection in my throat. Ugh. It went away pretty quickly on its own though.

16. She Needed Help…

Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

17. Roommate Walked In And Immediately Regretted It

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

18. The Most Polite Lady Ever

I have to steal a friend’s story here, so here’s to you Nate!

So Nate was in South Carolina for the summer, and he went out for a night of drinking. He met an older lady (Nate was 21, she was in her 40’s) and apparently hit it off. They left together, but since Nate was staying with his aunt and uncle, and she was married, they didn’t have a proper place to go have a fuck. They decide to just pull over and have at it right there in some random field.

So, Nate get’s off, they get back in the car, he drops her off, and he goes home to get some rest. He went to the bathroom to piss out some of the beer he drank that night and looked down at his dick. It was GREEN. So, naturally, he freaks out and calls the girl up immediately (apparently they had exchanged numbers).

She answers and he immediately demands to know what the fuck is up with his dick being all green. To which the random older woman replies:

I guess it isn’t that gross, but I thought it was worth noting.

19. This Is A Girl That Fears Nothing

I was going down on this guy that I had just started seeing. He is uncircumcised so I pull the skin down around the tip and see *shudder… cottage cheese. I just could not go on but being the resourceful girl that I am, I stood up, walked over to the sink, ran some warm water on a wash cloth, came back, playfully cleaned him up and went back at it.

20.Seems An Overreation

First year of university. I’m escorted back to my domicile by a young gallant. Once we get in, I’m naked, admiring his rather lovely body and ignoring his rather stilted pillow talk. All was going well… until my period started.

That pretty much killed the mood, and I can understand. But I thought it was a bit disproportionate when he got his phone out and CALLED HIS MUM FOR A RIDE HOME. Especially since he was STILL NAKED AND ERECT. I watched this punk rock dude, naked but for mohawk and piercings, stiffy gently bouncing, politely tell his mother where he was and that yes, he’d submitted his coursework.

That was a bit wrong.

21. Like Drinking From A Latex Cup

In Beijing, I hooked up with this woman I met at a bar. Right after we finished going at it, She asks me, in Chinese, if she can drink my water. I couldn’t understand what she meant. I didn’t have a bottle of water or anything. It turns out the word for ‘water’ actually means ‘liquid’ in general. She point towards the used condom I was still holding, took it from my hand, tipped it up, and drank it down–sucking the condom inside out to get every last drop. I died a little on the inside.

It was the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen. What made it worse was when I tried to share my gross story with a co-worker. Instead of sharing my revulsion, he asked for her phone number.

I’m sure condoms taste nasty. I don’t know why she couldn’t have just told me ahead of time. I would have been perfectly happy to pull out, remove the condom, and finish in her mouth without having to use the condom as a nasty, latex cup.

22. Class Act All The Way

I did hook up with a girl once who’s “pubic area” smelled of death itself, but what can you say about a 22 yr old girl (who’s man is in jail) that you pick up in a Jewish cemetery at 2 am, get head from 5 min later and then try and fuck in a ditch behind her house… We went back to her house, I passed out, and woke up to realise I was sleeping on a dog turd on her bed room floor. I was amazed it was the ONLY turd I slept on. I was classy people at 16.

23. With Friends Like These…

It wasn’t gross for me personally:

My buddy and I met these 2 chicks. Way leads on to way and we’re in the hotel room, all four of us. It’s very “dear penthouse” in there – switching back and forth and such – and then we go for the epic DP. I’m pretty fucked up, but draw backdoor duty. My buddy’s got a girl on his face (straddling his shoulders) and one on his hips. I feel myself getting ready, so I pull out, walk around and… uh… come on my buddy’s face because I thought it would be hilarious.

The fallout – I’m laughing maniacally, and both girls end up laughing. My friend is pissed off, but finishes, but then punches me in the face, several times. I was laughing the whole time, but had a pretty nasty black eye.

The fallout, part the second: a few days later at lunch another friend asked how I got the black eye. My buddy just slammed his lunch tray down on the table and stormed off as I start laughing uncontrollably again.

24. Man Endures The Unendurable…Gets Blamed For It

This is the sad case of Carrie “fisher”. I met this lovely Canadian girl at a dive bar in Sydney and in my drunken suave state managed to procure her phone number. SO I called and 6 days later on the Friday I went over to her flat for dinner. I ended up talking to her gay flatmate most of the time, mostly about planes and didn’t really hit it off with the Canadian named Carrie.

Finally everyone went to bed and Carrie and I were left alone to talk in the kitchen. The kitchen talk led to kitchen kissing and before you know it I had found out that she was not wearing any panties. But through my Holmes like deductive skills I knew that something wasn’t quite right and so I sheepishly asked her: “Do you have something inside?” to which I received an unprovoked: “No, I’ve just got a shallow pussy”. My prudishness set in. And let me say I am one of those conservative looking inwardly extreme people. Suffice it to say I kept on and again was met with “resistance”. I plucked up the courage to say: “No , I really think you have something in there” and with deft and nimble fingers, proceeded to slide out and uncork a hard, 7 day old, mucous encrusted tampon.

“The Silver Slug Incident” as Carrie’s house would later call it as though it was all a big joke and not remotely gross. It flopped to the floor with a “flop” and it was kind of like Alladin’s lamp, except that the genie was the worst smell. Kind of like when you walk pass a plot of land and turn to your friend and say: “wow, smells like something is dead in there”. It was the stench of something so putrid and rotten and it went deep inside me. After seeing smelling it she immediately stated: “Oh, my god I am sooo embarrassed.” I, of course, was embarrassed for her and nervously asked if she wanted a bath. “What do you mean?” Not knowing what to say I said with a question: “with me?” Cut to having a bath Cut from bath to spending the night and actually having sex with her because I was to wimpy to say: “That’s gross and I am outta here!”

Cut to the next week in the dvd store that I worked at. She comes in and rents Spiderman. We talk in that “I’m not acknowledging what happened” way. Her flatmate-a girl comes in and also gets Spiderman and with a tiny dvd store full of customers yells out as she leaves: “Oh and by the way…you gave Carrie a yeast infection!”

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/24-people-share-the-grossest-most-unsettling-thing-they-ever-experienced-while-hooking-up/