#like the cognitive fucking dissonance UGH

[pepprs]

received a text message 10 minutes ago thst has legitimately turned me into the joker. i can’t

#purrs #LIKE ok you are allowed to observe the awkwardness of it and i appreciate you sayi ng it to me but. YOU SAYING IT TO ME IS EVEN MORE AWKWARD #BECAUSE IN THIS METAPHORICAL SCENARIO WE ARE THE ONES WHO ARE BEING ****** ** WITH! BY YOU!! so what do you want me to say!!!!! like YES it #feels like a ***** ** and YOU are the one who has caused that feeling. so then why are you complaining about the awkwardness and whatever wh #when… this wouldn’t be happening if you weren’t… UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate this situation lolllllllll #ii haven’t responded and it’s been 10+ minutes atp and she probably thinks i hate her and like idk what to say and i can’t tell * even thoug #though i want to do bad bc she’s ona. plane rn. but omgggggggg. foaming at the mouth. frothing even. bashing my head into the wall. like #what do you want me to say? haha yeah? like do you REALIZE that you are ******* ** with ME?!!! like do you realize that? why do you think i #burst into tears when you told me! i canttttt the cognitive dissonance of it AWLLL and imwgonna have to tell her this on the walk bc there’s #literaly no fuckingway i will be able to restsian myself with a whole hour and this being the last hour too. like lol. i hate this situation #misery and suffering and death and pain and withering and awkwardness and ******* ** and hijinks and shenanigans and tiptoeing around the #elephant in the room except it’s not an elephant it’s a fucking like… n* #n*clear w*rhead or whatever. LOL. ughhhhhhh #delete later #im like endeared bu it btw like id rather she tel me this than not. but it’s SO awkward. like what do you want me to say. do you think im #just gonna completely be able to be like haha yeah totally when im actively bleeding out bc of this and you know it. like you MUST know it. #come on. lol. like it just kinda uhhhhh feels shitty. if you didn’t want to feel like it’s a ***** ** then maybe don’t ***** ** with us LOL

[aro-ace-thetic]

ohhh to experience rage.

#my mom hasn't been masking for years (she was at the beginning of the pandemic but she stopped pretty quick) and now she's SUPER sick #we don't know if it's covid or not but either way. i'm pissed. #her boyfriend came over to drop off some stuff for her and he was wearing one of those thin like. a normal surgical mask. and i went #oh do you want a better mask? i have a ton of knp5s #and he went ''no i'm leaving now anyways ^-^'' #............ yeah so you don't want it for the hundreds of people you interact with every day.... #you're just gonna... interact with a really sick person... with a shitty mask... and then leave... #and not learn anything from this interaction? #ugh. #anyways. #i'm just really pissed with the total cognitive dissonance these people have with an ongoing plague #i'm really really lucky to have not gotten covid these past three years if my mom fucks that up by being a total moron im gonna be sooo. #so. normal. and well-adjusted and mature about it.

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest - Vol 14

Howdy folks <3

Just a few recs this week and several I read a while ago. I read a shit ton this week, but it was all WIPs I've already recommended, so you're only getting a few new ones. I found some really interesting fics this week, though, and I'm very excited to share them with y'all!!

As always The Spreadsheet can be found here and all my other fic recs can be found here. Feel free to tag me in your fics!!

Recs below the Pedro <3

Says It Feels Like Heaven To Him - a Joel one shot by @proxima-writes

Just a really fucking good PWP. Joel comes home from poker night and he's horny and it's really fucking hot.

That Should Be Me - a Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

Reader is an idiot who hasn't told Din her feelings and gets jelly over Bo Katan and Din is an idiot who also hasn't told reader his feelings and then they bang. Oh and the razor crest is there bc AS IT FUCKING SHOULD BE. Miss her sm. Love an idiots to lovers story <333

Honeyed - a Joel series by @softlyspector

he touch averse reader concept is so so cool, I really like it. I love this cozy little slow burn so much. Watching her build trust with him and the way you hold true to the one step forward two steps back thing you introduce early on ahhhh. I like that she can handle his touch but it still makes her uneasy because it wouldn't feel as significant if he was just the special chosen one she can touch with absolutely no qualms about it. Anyway I hope there's more coming after part 2. I adore this <3

Be good - a Joel one shot by @hier--soir

motherfuckin submissive joel but like you can tell he's not the most submissive person on the planet he just really wants to make you happy and it also obviously gets him off. This is so fucking hot. I love every word of this UGH

The old college try - a Joel one shot by @proxima-writes

OH MY GOD. Slutty frat dad joel!!!! His slutty lil basketball shorts. The beer pong! The keg stand! THE SMUT!!!! This was so fucking hot. I... have no words. Gimme gimme.

With Cherries on Top - a Max Phillips series by @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa

Ok so I adore The Proposal. Great Rom Com. I'm such a slut for fake dating. (Someone should go back and see all things I've said I'm a slut for. It's a lot) Anyway... I really fucking like this. The way the vampire lore is adjusted to fit the story and woven in is excellent. I fucking love the bickering. I'm a banter ass bitch. Max is so good in this. Perfect amount of total douchebag with a heart of gold. Also I want him to bite me...

Decoherence - a Jack (Whiskey) series by @prolix-yuy

I hadn't seen Westworld when I read the first fic in this universe and I still haven't and I still don't care... This is such an insanely good fic. The world building and characterization is just absolutely mindblowing. I adored getting to see reader adjust to life post-Cognitive Dissonance. I'm hoping we get a pretty good insight into what Jack has been doing for the last year. I fucking love that they reunite exactly one year after their previous meeting ugh. I'm so fucking excited for this series, LJ, you fucking genius <3

Sunshine - a Din series by @zialltops (AO3)

This is such a sweet soft tooth rotting ass din fic. It's adorable and I love it <3

----------- oldies but goodies ----------

Soaked - a Javi P one shot by @joelscruff

say it again - a Dieter one shot by @ezrasbirdie

Dieter Bravo x Roommates AU - a Dieter one shot by @fuckyeahdindjarin

The Plan (and all its iterations) - a Dieter one shot by @prolix-yuy

No One Else - a Din one shot by @beskarandblasters

I'm Coming Back for You, Baby - a Dieter one shot by @jazzelsaur (AO3)

In a perfect world, you love me - a Din Series by @theidiotwhowritesthings

Carry out - a Javi P one shot by @soullumii

The Saint, the sinner, and the devil - a Joel/Javi P Series by @joelsgirl

Pretty When You Cry - a Joel one shot by @violentdelightsandviolentends

Wrap Party - a Dieter one shot by @write-and-buried

You Make Loving Fun - a Frankie Series by @redahlia-writes

---------------------

P.S. If you like Andor... @beskarandblasters has been writing excellent Cassian fics recently!!

And to my mutuals who have written new stuff this week that I didn't read I am so sorry... I'll get there eventually!!

---------------------

Happy Reading!

#fic recs #the spreadsheet digest #fanfiction recommendations #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro fics #pedro pascal character fanfiction #joel miller #frankie morales #din djarin #max phillips #dave york #dieter bravo #javi peña #jack daniels #agent whiskey #the mandalorian

[tokyoterri2]

this is so trivial as to be almost non-writable, but I’m unsettled about Aziraphale. my unease is caused, in part by reading ( the parts I could handle) of https://archiveofourown.org/series/2537191

in which Aziraphale is evil as fuck. I mean, heart-racingly, gasp-producingly, can’t-stop-reading-but have-to-stop-readingly evil, an awful, destructive, selfish, did I mention awful person.

ugh. so well written.

then I head over here for solace and read about (sorry can’t find ops) how manipulative he is (ignoring Crowley’s voice, the Jane Austen shindig, the final 15, the frickin’ forgiveness habit).

my point is…my point is…it hurts to consider Aziraphale (don’t like ‘Azi’) as the creature I love who has been so thoroughly screwed up by heaven’s hate that he twists his own behaviors to varying degrees, denies his ability to be self-aware, and wields his cognitive dissonance like a gd flaming sword.

sigh.

it just makes me sad.

I dunno😢

just me?

#good omens #aziraphale #crowley #michael sheen #david tennant

[yonpote]

I need to know why and how you were anti-phannie from 2014-2016

alright here we go i get to talk about THIS shit now.

i was generally anti-rpf at that point, and honestly? i think it was for fair enough reasons as some people were a bit too eager about showing (general) youtubers stories they wrote about them sucking and fucking their friends. i think i was also pretty high and mighty about being a somewhat oldhead phannie tbh, like ugh do these gaming-channel-only people even know about dan being super edgy and offensive 🙄 and lowkey it was a lot of subtly misogynistic "i'm not like other girls" type shit like i was sooo much better than yall cuz i hadn't watched that video (yet.)

i was generally not into these sorts of fandoms to begin with. i wasnt on the superwhopotterlock side, i was on the homestuck/dangan ronpa/anime of the month side of tumblr, if that gives you an idea of what i was like lol. around 2014-15 i was very much in a community that is kinda similar to what you might see on twitter now, where if you had any interests in media that portrayed anything problematic, that means you are in full support of that problematic thing. if dan howell said something racist in 2010, it doesn't matter that he wasn't being racist in 2015 he's still racist and liking him makes you a racist etc. and of course, rpf is included in problematic topics. if you ship real people, even if said people say they don't mind it, you are a sick pervert and you should be in the loony bin for being so depraved. and if you write or read any fiction that has immoral acts, it means you support those acts in real life too and you are trying to normalize abuse and SA (yknow as if whitecishetpatriarchy hasnt normalized that enough) and you're a danger to children and you deserve to rot in prison (yknow as if a queer person writing stories about queer people hasnt heard that one before)

now here's the real kicker. in 2015-2017 i ran a game grumps fan blog where i did talk about shipping the grumps. "wait how were you anti-rpf if-" well have you ever heard of this thing called Lying? or perhaps even, Cognitive Dissonance? i HAD to run a separate blog for this interest, because if my friends knew i consumed slashfic about arin and danny they would stop being friends with me and think im this evil horrible monster etc. genuinely that was where my brain was at, and is a little bit the reason i decided to this day, to make my phannie accounts completely separate from my main accounts.

nowadays, none of my non-phannie friends actually give a fuck and i do occasionally talk about dnp being silly gay white boys w them! at this point i dont post about em on main just out of respect like "hey im sure you dont actually want to hear about british yaoi constantly regardless of our level of friendship so i'll keep it over here okay?"

also, yeah i grew out of thinking consuming media with deplorable acts makes me deplorable. my favorite tv show is hannibal. i know its shocking, but i dont actually support serial killer cannibals. i will say, i dont fuck with "pro/anti" language with regards to what is considered "problematic" or having that be an identity marker. i think that people are free to write fiction as they please so long as its all properly tagged for people who dont enjoy that kind of content to avoid. but i also think there can be and often are problems in the way these stories are written, and yeah if all the romance stories you read growing up involve some sort of force or danger, that CAN normalize this sort of action as inherent to romance stories/real life romance. but i think thats an issue with like, society at large, and it's not on an individual fic writer to be educating teens who read their dead dove fic despite the explicit rating and tags.

TL;DR: BASICALLY. I WAS A DUMBASS KNOW-IT-ALL BUT DW I GOT BETTER.

#myrambles #sorry for party yapping

[theoneandonlythorn]

quick TW before we begin for religious trauma, homophobia from church leaders and swearing.

Ugh......

So, I was raised Mormon; my family's been in the "religion" for generations. (Tracing back to the main man, Joseph Smith, himself) I'm also demifluid and most certainly not straight.

When I came out to my church leader, he...wasn't very happy. TL;DR, I'm banned from the religion's holy place, my job in the church ward and basically banned from church altogether. My mom was there during the whole shitshow and she agreed that I didn't have to go to church if I didn't want to.

Of course I didn't wanna go back!! Who would??? My family and I moved last week, meaning hooray, a ~new church congregation~ The people are...nice. I guess. They could always be worse, after all. But I've been hurt an ungodsly amount of times. I've begged my mom to not make me go to church, but she said "I should give it a try."

I've been trying for YEARS. Fucking years. When you're a kid, you're told you'll feel a "warm fuzzy feeling" when the "spirit" is near. I never felt that. I've never had a moment of "spiritual revelation", but believe me, I've fucking tried.

I have autism, so I've always been literal. If I can see something, I'll believe it. Baby Thorne always thought that one day when the world is ending, I'd feel it and have a huge "Oh my gods, heaven is real!" (Side note, the idea of the "Second Coming" always gave me so much anxiety as a kid. Like, from an early age you're told that the world is ending at some point in your life because it's "the eNd TiMeS!")

Anyway, I have an awesome therapist who's helping me with gender dysphoria and also good old ~religious trauma~ When you're growing up, you're told that church is the most wonderful place ever and you'll never be hurt. Ha ha ha.

no.

I was bullied at church by all the other kids from the ages of eleven to thirteen-fourteen. As you can imagine, that kind of fucks you up.

My therapist gave me a pass from church on the basis that "If I had a spiritual experience, I'd probably have a complete breakdown due to cognitive dissonance."

...but according to my mom, she knows better. I've begged my mom to stop forcing me to church, but no luck. I need to ask him (my therapist) if he'll tell my mom that I really truly shouldn't go to church.

So, long story short, does anyone know how to get excommunicated from the Mormon church? (Personally, I don't want to murder someone in order to get out of this shitty cult, but most other ideas are free game)

The rest of my family is in this church (cult, more like), so telling my siblings that I've lost my faith (never had it in the first place) is kind of out of the question.

#cw mormonism #cw religion #cw religious themes #cw religious homophobia #any help is appreciated #mormonism #any idea how to get banned from church? #thornerambles #mormon cult #lds church #ex mormon #ex lds

[system-of-a-feather]

Im dead 😂

So our therapist is trained in dissociation and basic DID stuff which is fine cause we are at functional multiplicity and its so fucking funny working with him cause the funny thing is

Us being at functional multiplicity make it *harder* on him cause we so casually operate on 10 tabs at once with one tab having 10 tabs on the other parts and we hold cognitive dissonance between parts clearly 😂😂

And hes like

"So follow me with this story, something something, what is more enticing, the feminine or the masculine-"

"Feminine duh."

"*playfully exasperated sigh* Aderis ugh right 😂 Dumb question"

So like while we are not needing help with DID really anymore we are still harder than a typical singlet patient cause we still are so many parts with firm and distinct differences that have elaborate, complicated and in depth relationships and communication with one another

Its really kinda funny to see him work is mind having to keep all the tabs on each part going and it doesn't bother us cause we don't mind going slow and we honestly greatly prefer his approach and history with us to a specialist other than our previous one and while he is slow on it, he still does a good job so 😂

#alter: aderis #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder

[eyedelater]

i have written a post to encompass every thought i have had about the golden kamuy character ogata hyakunosuke. i couldn't help writing it, and here it is. it includes analysis, interpretation, confusion, thoughts about shipping, and spoilers all the way to the end of the manga.

the post is incredibly long because i wanted it all in one place... i'm sure that much of this has been said by other people, but i haven't read anything anyone else has said. this is purely between me and canon. i have now read golden kamuy through twice and watched the anime once. i missed a lot on the first read, and i probably missed some things on the second read too.

i can't help but love the character ogata hyakunosuke. i know a lot of it is the character design: sneaky eyes with built-in eyeliner, greasy all-back hairstyle with a powerful ahoge (and don't try to tell me an ahoge is not what it is), little beard that somehow skirts past my strong dislike for nasty little beards. he's so crafty… he's sorta weak in close combat… he's completely wrong about things such as killing one's parents and the nature of guilt… he's confident right up until he isn't…

normally if a character captures my interest like this, i want to ship them with another character so i can be satisfied by looking at amusing fanart of them outside of canon. but there honestly isn't anyone i want to pair him with… the fact of his eventual death notwithstanding. (i don't ship dead characters. too sad.) he's great as a cruel and calculating loner who thinks he knows what he wants but doesn't. i don't feel a need to see fun and exciting shipping antics with this character in particular. i will to look at some fanart to see what i can get out of it, but i'm really satisfied by just what happens in canon. and yet i still feel like i have to make sense of these feelings, so i'm writing a post that nobody asked for (just like all my other posts).

i'm annoyed with myself because as i was first reading golden kamuy, it took a long, long time to dawn on me that there MUST be people who think of ogata hyakunosuke as their favorite silly little cinnamon roll and make obnoxiously cute posts about what he would do in domestic situations and stuff. as we learned more about him, i became certain that some people must feel that way, Despite Everything. and i was so very annoyed by the thought of it that i decided to make it a point to dislike ogata… to buck the trend. to avoid biting the fandom bait. BUT IT DIDN'T WORK………… he grew on me… ugh. i still really, really don't want to see fluffy fics with him or anything like that though. god. i have less patience than ever for fandom content that cutesifies every character. especially fucked up weird horrible men like him <3

it's an incredibly audacious move to create a merciless sniper character who killed three (3) members of his closest family (and who knows how many soldiers) and then also give him explicitly catlike characteristics and behaviors, all the while knowing that everyone loves cats!!! (slams table.) fuck off! noda-sensei had to have been trying to induce brain-melting levels of cognitive dissonance in the minds of horny readers who desperately want catboy hyakunosuke to be their poor little meow meow but also want to cancel him for being a bad dude. i'm not immune

i like ogata in kind of the same way i like crocodile one piece. they're weird and smug and fun to watch. and of course, they're similar in some ways. the greasy all-back hair with pieces falling down, and the facial stitches, and the excessive confidence, and their voice actors being perfect. and, you know, the being villains who are eventually defeated. crocodile lets out his slow laugh whenever he feels things are going his way, and ogata just does a little shit-eating grin, and they're both perfect. key difference: ogata gets naked

i have been made aware that a non-zero amount of people ship ogata with asirpa, and those people might benefit from being run over by a car. asirpa is excluded from shipping of any sort, no exceptions, because she is 13 years old and 95% of the other characters are (bizarre, horrible) adult men. the fact that she has a one-sided crush on sugimoto for some amount of time is perfectly natural and reasonable given the circumstances (i believe that anyone would fall in love with sugimoto if they were in her place). the relationship between sugimoto and asirpa is that of a wonderful, wholesome, and strong found family.

back to ogata. i liked that during his first appearance, he gets his arm broken, gets beaned on the back of the head with his own gun, falls into a ravine, hits his face on a cliff, and bounces off the cliff into the icy river. that was so early in the story that his character design wasn't even nailed down yet, and that scene can be easy to forget, but it should be remembered. i like when ogata gets shot in the chest and the shoulder. i like when we get just a little snapshot of ogata knocked out cold at the stenka. i like the flashback of masked ogata getting his face bloodied by teen koito and then having to pretend like it never happened even though he's pissed. i like when ogata gets the snot beat out of him by usami. this is not a toga-himiko-like aesthetic preference for a man's bloody and beat-up body. rather, i love how he has strong (and justified) confidence in his one skill (sniping) and therefore seems confident overall but keeps getting busted up anyway because he's weak in close combat. it's a good dissonance.

i love seeing ogata smugly perched on things… it's like, "ah, there he is…!"

i love ogata feeling guilty about only the worst murder he committed and none of the others… he was testing his limits, and he found them. it didn't stop him from killing again, but he never got over it either.

i love ogata being the only one who chose not to hold hands and jump at the beach scene… doesn't want to make a fool of himself… but he made a funny face when he got beaned in the back of the head, didn't he. i like the ogata who gets made a fool out of.

after the ordeal with anehata shiton, ogata said that all men feel regretful and disgusted after they shoot their load. probably that's all he's ever felt, doing it with prostitutes and such, if at all. makes a little note in my notebook

ogata does terribly cruel things, and he must recognize to some degree that people will see his actions as cruel, but he doesn't do it for the sake of being cruel. he is heartless, but only when he feels he has a reason. everything is analyzed based purely on how it will affect him, and he acts that way consistently throughout the entire story. he can mime kindness if he has to, but clumsily. he cultivates a trusting relationship with asirpa purely because he understands that nopperabou is her father. he goes along with what sugimoto wants purely for convenience and because he understands how strong/dangerous sugimoto is. he shoots wilk, despite knowing that he is asirpa's father and that she will be very upset, purely because he wants to limit the spread of whatever information wilk has about the gold. he shoots sugimoto, his ally for months, not to be cruel, not as revenge for almost killing him that one time, but to eliminate a potential complication to his plan. the only one he really needs in his party is asirpa, and all asirpa is to him is the key to the gold, and all the gold is to him is a path to climb the ranks to prove that his father was worthless. his behavior is unpredictable on first read, but when rereading, it's incredibly consistent. his lack of guilt is entirely premised on what he can justify to himself, and he's great at justifying anything in his own mind. but there is a limit, and yuusaku was that limit; what haunts him most about yuusaku's death is that this time, he can't justify it. he didn't have a good reason. that causes a crack in the foundation of his entire personality, and when he gets acute aconite poisoning from asirpa's arrow, the anxiety it brings is what causes that crack to spread and his entire ego to collapse.

can someone count how many panels feature ogata's face and then also count how many of those panels show him smoothing back his greasy hair and give me some kind of ratio? i think it's high. i think the ratio is high. though i didn't notice until a couple hundred chapters in. but on reread it's like yeah, every other ogata panel, he's got his hand on his head. i do like when an author commits to a tic. no one else in the story has such an obvious repeating tic, i think. he even gets a nade nade (pet pet) sound effect when he's smoothing his hair repeatedly out of nervousness (after he shot the reindeer by accident).

have i mentioned i hate nasty little beards but ogata's slides right in under the gate? that's another cognitive dissonance for me, and it's tough. hard to get over this one.

"daily affirmations i Can be normal about that man"

~quote from deleted post by a tumblr user who maybe doesn't want credit bc they deleted their post

he dishes out smug grins when things are going his way, but he dishes out WRY grins when things AREN'T going his way! hoargh! (throwing up hands)

it's worth noting, to defend my honor, that ogata is not the only one who grew on me. everyone grew on me. another important one is tsukishima, who i admit i wasn't paying very much attention to until they started heading toward karafuto (during the first reading) and then i was like, that was the guy in the coal mine... right? oh, he's been there The Whole Time. and his design didn't change very much. he grew on me a lot. first you think snake nose, but then you think bunny nose. (someone on pixiv said gorilla nose? i don't like that…) his little beard doesn't strike me as nasty either (why not?? i don't know.) of course, koito was the boy of the hour as soon as he first appeared, and i paid a normal amount of attention to him. (the only part of his design that changed is that his eyebrows got stronger and his parted hair got fixed. actually his part seems to fluctuate between messy and neat.) i really like the dynamic of koito being a needy younger pain-in-the-ass to tsukishima while outranking him and being taller than him. in japanese, tsukishima always addresses him with polite speech, and koito rarely even addresses tsukishima with an honorific. tsukikoi seems to be a good and semi-wholesome ship… you know, semi-wholesome. listen, they end up together forever at the end, so it's fine. you guys can make obnoxiously cute posts about what they would do in domestic situations if you want. so anyway, it's not just ogata who got my attention. but it is ogata who this post is about, so let's end this paragraph and leave room for more notes.

Noda-sensei will use any and every opportunity to show you the silhouette of a dick and balls swinging around during an action scene where people happen to be naked. However, he doesn't do that with Ogata. The reason is that he wants you to remember that Ogata is a serious bad guy character and doesn't want you laughing at his dick and balls. For the same reason, he also precludes Ogata from partaking in the horny otter sumo wrestling. In this essay, I will-- ok just kidding, they showed his dick and balls when he kicked koito in the face. and then they showed that exact panel again a few chapters later. with his dick and balls again.

i bet the hyaku in hyakunosuke is obviously referring to getting a 100% hit rate. (hyaku means 100, same kanji and everything. -nosuke is a common ending for a boy's name.) or to put it in sogeking terms, 100 shots, 100 hits, lu lu la la lu

it's interesting that out of the 4 people we see tsurumi gratuitously manipulate into loyalty, ogata is the only one where it doesn't stick very well. to be fair, tsurumi played his game with ogata a bit differently than with the others. he helped ogata kill his father and promised to help him rise through the ranks, but ogata didn't understand at first that tsurumi had an ulterior motive that would make hanazawa's death a win-win for him. it was usami who brought up mantetsu and made ogata understand he was being manipulated. but even knowing that, he thought tsurumi might uphold the other part of his end of the deal by helping ogata get into the army academy, so he was willing to play along. of course, tsurumi's time was split between everyone he was trying to manipulate (as well as pursuing his main goals), so everything couldn't happen at once. another problem was that each of them wanted to be daddy's only special little boy, and ogata was no exception, so he got impatient upon seeing him pay attention to the others and thought tsurumi wasn't working to help him fast enough. it was only when ogata decided that tsurumi wasn't holding up his end of the deal that he decided to betray him by working for central (in the hopes that central could uphold a similar deal instead). i think i'm getting that right. compared to what tsurumi did for tsukishima, he didn't do that much for ogata. but tsukishima was his masterpiece of manipulation-- look how much he got out of him. in the end, tsurumi wanted to cultivate soldiers who are dogs among sheep, but of course, ogata is a cat in that metaphor…

i didn't read the manga well enough the first time and was thinking that ogata's failure to advance in the ranks was because he just wasn't really good at anything but sniping, and sniping wasn't properly appreciated by the higher-ups. while those two things are basically true, i now understand that he couldn't get promoted because he didn't attend the necessary school and was ineligible for any promotion above his current rank, regardless of his skills. and that's why his roundabout desire to climb in the ranks was hinged on his going back to school, which he couldn't do without the help of either tsurumi or central. so complicated…

people ship ogata and sugimoto, and i'm really torn about that. they do look kinda good together, but first and foremost, sugimoto deserves better (and he deserves a character who doesn't die at the end). i also think that the dynamic between those two is not that fun or interesting-- yeah, they almost kill each other and then save each other, etc., and that's fun, but i mean all the other interactions. i think there's not that much potential between them. plus ogata shoots him in the head. maybe that part should have come first and foremost. he does shoot the man in the head. that being said, of course, there's not a lot of great options for sugimoto to begin with, so i understand when people want to put him with ogata-- they need someone for sugimoto to be horny with, and they need someone for ogata to be horny with. like, who else do we have for sugimoto? shiraishi? you could argue for it… tanigaki? but what he has with inkarmat is pretty good, and i hate to sully canon romances by shipping against them. kiroranke? dies. anyone in the army? they're living in different worlds at the end of the story… just not a lot of great options for sugimoto, who deserves the best. also, if ogata and sugimoto had anything between them, ogata's death would make sugimoto sad, and i wouldn't like that.

shiraishi/ogata might be funny though. i like that scene when shiraishi is like "boy am i hungry!" to the man with a gun who likes to hunt and ogata doesn't say anything or look at him. (other good options for shiraishi include kiroranke [who dies] and boutarou [who dies]. that's 3 for 3 dead. unfortunate.)

i saw some ogata fanart. some artists like to give him Sneaky Squints and Crafty Grin all the time. he is sneaky, and he has distinctive eyes, but i think canon makes it clear that Sneaky Squints and Crafty Grin is a very rare special occasion thing, and a huge majority of the time he only has Glassy Eyes and nothing at all going on with the mouth. and that is the righteous truth. in a manga, facial expressions are a very important part of characterization, especially for characters who are always around but not always involved, so i prefer fanart where people try to emulate (and exaggerate) the faces a character makes in canon instead of assigning their preferred faces to a given character. (an unrelated example of this assigning of preferences would be taking two complex characters and turning one into Stoic Seme and the other into Weepy Uke. it is shocking how thoroughly and audaciously people will squish characters into those two molds. what a waste of time.) i get that i'm probably in the top 1% of sticklerism when it comes to wanting characters to adhere strictly to canon in certain ways, but it's because i strongly feel that canon ogata who is making a neutral Ogata Face 95% of the time and a rare Other Face 5% of the time is true and beautiful. to sully that by tailoring his character to your preferences is your prerogative, but to hate that is also my prerogative. not that i would ever leave negative comments or anything along those lines, ever. because that's stupid and a waste of time. the most time i will waste in that way is the time it takes to write what i've been writing here.

ogata dakimakura is permitted but it has to be ogata laid up on a stretcher, wrapped up, splinted arm, with his face all puffy after getting dumped in the river by sugimoto. or it has to be ogata standing up wearing his uniform complete with little cape and his gun on his back and looking through his binoculars into the distance. or it has to be a watchtower spanning the length of the pillow and ogata is perched in it, looking through his binoculars into the distance.

i hate the relationship between ogata and usami. usami is the ultimate slimy little dog (derogatory). nasty little freak usami. ogata is wrong about almost everything, but he was right about usami being the cheapest piece on tsurumi's gameboard. nasty little wannabe sexual predator usami. that scene where ogata's like "i'm normal, right?" and usami is affirming all the things he's wrong about, it's like, the man is fucked up enough already! i can't believe i'm saying this, but you're a corrupting influence on him! i don't like how usami calls ogata "hyakunosuke" like they're friends… tsurumi calls him that because he's manipulating him and a cool dad calls his special little boy by his given name, but usami fucking hates him, and yet he calls him that anyway. something gross about it. usami's death was perfect. nasty little death. and i liked how ogata kept quiet due to bullet in mouth while usami was going on and on saying whatever he wanted while he beat the shit out of him, and then usami left after getting shot, and ogata felt compelled to say his one-liner to himself. fuckin nerd

i like the ogata who is seriously, seriously wondering if he's being haunted by his brother's ghost.

i think my one main beef with everyday heroes scans, who did an overall great job scanlating, is that they should have kept honorifics. keeping honorifics is a tough choice to make for a translator because it can be confusing for an english reader, especially when you come across one that's out of the standard few. but i was very surprised to find upon watching the anime that sugimoto calls asirpa "asirpa-san"; i had no way of knowing that in the manga! even though she's so much younger than him, even when their relationship becomes very close, even when yelling out her name in moments of desperation, he keeps the honorific. it might just be out of habit, but i think it indicates how much he respects her. it might be small, but something is lost by omitting the -san. honorifics and the ways people address each other are very important in japanese, and because this story takes place chiefly in japan, chiefly among japanese (and japanese-speaking) characters, i think keeping honorifics would have been perfectly appropriate in this circumstance. i also think it would have clarified some things for the readers rather than confusing them. (for contrast, it would make perfect sense to omit honorifics in a story that doesn't take place in japan but just happens to be written in japanese… though some meaning would still be lost.) (side note: EH scans does in fact keep some honorifics: the ainu word "nispa.") and sometimes, omitting the honorific in a context where it is important can make the translated wording MORE awkward. the example i'm thinking of is when ogata is recovering in the hospital and the scanlation shows him muttering, "yuusaku… sir…" now i'm 98% sure that ogata called yuusaku "yuusaku-dono," even though younger siblings typically get no honorifics, because yuusaku outranked him (and also maybe to show distance between them), and that's what he's muttering in that scene. i think it's less weird to call your younger half-sibling "-dono" in japanese than it would be to call your younger half-sibling "sir" in english. it's an in-between level of respect (and distance) that doesn't exist in english. so it became weirder in english, and leaving the honorific would have preserved that meaning. well, i do respect that EH scans made their decision about honorifics in the very beginning and then stuck with it to the very end. i guess it would have been worse if they selectively added in SOME honorifics when they thought it was important. but my opinion is that they should have made the decision to keep honorifics from the beginning.

in chapter 283, ogata falls asleep on the train and dreams of his mother singing a traditional song to him about how the way there is easy, but the way back is scary. i think the symbolism is clearly that it was easy for him to kill his mother and his brother, but it's not easy (or possible) to take it back. it's a one-way path that he chose. it's another subconscious manifestation of his feelings of guilt.

now here is something i've been puzzling over but which everyone but me has probably already made sense of. i think this is the only part of the manga that has stuck with me BECAUSE i am confused by it. chapter 199, page 6. kidnapped koito otonoshin, whose father just told him over the phone that he cannot be saved, is saying something heartbreaking in reply, and one of his captors is rubbing his back as if to comfort him. what else could that be but a comforting hand? am i mistaken? and it's got to be important because it takes up THREE panels! now, if you're like me and you've decided that tsukikoi is the OTP of golden kamuy, your first thought was to want tsukishima to be the one under the white hat, and ogata is the one watching disapprovingly because he's a jerk. but otonoshin smacks and bloodies the face of man in the white hat with the back of his head, and the wounds we later see (and basically everything else) make it clear that the white hat was ogata. (then of course they put those hats on russian-looking corpses that they obtained… somehow. kidnapped off the street?) (side note: when they take the white hat and mask off one of the corpses, otonoshin should have been suspicious right away, because that guy's nose wasn't bloodied or anything. but i'll let his lack of perception slide given the circumstances. unless he remembers it in a later chapter and i'm the one who forgot.) anyway, so it was clearly ogata who rubbed otonoshin's back, which seems really weird and out of character. i was thinking that it must have been that tsurumi gave them orders along the lines of not completely breaking the kid's will and making sure he isn't too physically or emotionally hurt (or else he and his father wouldn't be usable in the future). this would gel with the fact that tsurumi seems slightly surprised/perturbed when commander koito says he's going to tell otonoshin to die for his country (because of course that's not what tsurumi wants or had planned for). so maybe ogata interpreted those orders, thought otonoshin was giving up on life, and decided that he should make sure the kid's will wasn't completely broken by providing a little comfort. and then the glare from the black hat is tsukishima with a sentiment like, "you're giving the game away, you dumb piece of shit! captors wouldn't do that! ESPECIALLY IF THEY DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE!" but another possibility occurs to me. we heard from ogata when he was pointing his gun at huci that he doesn't want to just kill someone's grandma if he can help it. he's a cold-blooded killer when he thinks he has a reason, but maybe he does have the thinnest sentimental streak when it comes to people he does not perceive as a threat. so maybe that thin streak is showing here? kidnapping some weak kid might have been the dirtiest work tsurumi had ever put him up to at that point. (did he kill his father before or after this? but was that even dirty work to him, when he felt he had a good reason?) maybe he honestly felt emotionally reluctant to traumatize a defenseless 16-year-old like that, so he reached out to comfort him without thinking. i wonder what is the fandom consensus about that page, yet i feel reluctant to look it up… but whichever scenario it is, tsukishima's glare has to be him thinking, "man, you suck at dirty work." (and afterward, ogata glares at otonoshin because he's angry and humiliated that he underestimated how much of a threat a bound 16-year-old posed to him.)

EDIT: regarding the above paragraph, i think i've realized the correct interpretation. it's not that the situation of kidnapping a kid has activated ogata's thin sentimental streak. it's the specific circumstances of the lines that were just said: commander koito saying he could not save otonoshin, and otonoshin apologizing to his father and asking him to pretend he had never been born. that combination of circumstances was maybe the only thing that could flip ogata's empathy switch enough to make him reach out a comforting hand. he probably feels with great certainty that if he himself had ever been kidnapped and held for ransom, his own father would have told him to die for his country as well, and he might even have said a similar line in response. the pain otonoshin felt in that moment was so clear to ogata that he couldn't help but comfort him... it's a key emotional character development moment for ogata... with his face covered... but of course he misinterpreted otonoshin's resilience and that's how he got his nose bashed.

i cried a lot when i first read ogata's death chapter, and i cried a lot the second time too. i think noda-sensei might be a genius… one thing that didn't register on first reading was that ogata must have enjoyed the time he spent traveling with asirpa and the others in a way, even if he didn't exactly realize it. asirpa reminded him of yuusaku, not just in her innocence, but in the way she trusted him and ate with him and joked with him and treated him as if he were "normal" (when he believes he isn't normal). ogata was yearning for familial love his whole life; he just fixated on getting it only from his father, which wasn't going to happen, and ignored what he got from his mother and his brother. yuusaku was the only one who loved him, but he got some of that warm familial feeling from asirpa and the others as well, even though he usually acted cold. (i think he said "hinna" primarily to manipulate asirpa... but maybe after saying it, he felt happy.) and now, not only did he have to deal with his mistake of killing yuusaku, but here he was trying to kill asirpa too! not only that, but he was corrupting her into killing HIM, and he thought he wanted that, but he didn't! he couldn't even accept his old guilt, and now he was foolishly inflicting new guilt, as if by compulsion! it's so painful! as he breaks down, we see him realizing his mistake in real time, how his goal of proving his father worthless was itself worthless all along, how he didn't actually need to kill any of his family, how he was following the wrong path based on his delusions and misunderstandings his whole life, and it hurts him so much… and he tries to deny it, but he's having it explained to him by himself, and he can only trust himself… whenever he felt conflicted about anything, he would just find some way stamp out the opposing view and believe in himself, but now, both sides were him, so he couldn't do that, and as a result, he was defeated. the chapter was very emotionally powerful… he died a coward's death because, never having confronted his guilt before, he couldn't imagine being able to live with it… and vasily found his body by the railroad tracks and painted his fursona.

you could ship ogata with vasily but the fact remains that they spend vasily's entire span of appearance in the manga in a fight to the death and then one of them dies. also he shot vasily in the mouth. you can't shoot a mouth with your gun and then try to kiss it later. that's inappropriate

the last time ogata shoots sugimoto, he doesn't aim for the head. it's as though he learned his lesson. but it still didn't work, did it?

i saw the ogata nendoroid and took damage from it. hate it. i don't want any more chibis...

it seems that some things are changed in the volume releases of golden kamuy. i have only read the scanlated magazine releases. i wonder if i can be content to decide that this is the end of my ogata post when i don't know if any important ogata details were changed in the volumes. i would also like to read and compare the official translation. one thing i want to see in the volume releases is if noda-sensei ever goes back and adds teeth to the white voids of characters' mouths. it is incredibly clear to me that noda-sensei truly, viscerally hates drawing teeth. that's fair, but i do prefer even the vaguest semblance of teeth to a white void of a mouth. when he does draw teeth, they usually look perfectly passable. anyway, my next project will be deciding how to get my hands on the official translated volumes and then rereading again.

i think that might be all i have to say about ogata hyakunosuke right now.

#golden kamuy #ogata hyakunosuke #hyakunosuke ogata #golden kamuy spoilers

[allamericansbitch]

it is so deeply fucking funny to see ppl defending their need to dig into taylor's personal life like..... no actually you don't need to consider what real person that song could've been about and it genuinely adds nothing beyond making you feel like you "know" her when you actually don't. and like usually idc what these kinds of swifties do at this point but to see these same ppl complain about the media being too invasive and constantly going on about her dating life is laughable when they're no different. like they can do whatever they want at this point but the effort to make it justified and make themselves feel better about it is. maybe that should be a sign ?

the cognitive dissonance swifties have with them vs the media not being exactly the same has always been so wild to me. whenever taylor has spoken up about something she hates people doing, they just naturally believe she's speaking only limitiing it to the context of media outlets and not at all applying it to swifties? 'i hate when people talk abut my personal life and speculate', 'stop treating my songs like paternity tests', 'releasing personal songs is like having a live public autopsy of my personal life'.... and they didnt think any of those complaints applied to them how?

also... even when she explicitly mentions media... thats still them. like it's 2023, do you think people are going to people.com for their celebrity news/gossip. no, they go to twitter or tiktok and see update accounts or fandom blogs. the things they talk about are what the media picks up on, fandom leads and media follows. fandom is leading the media now. so for swifties to be like 'ugh why can't the media leave her alone' where do you think they're picking this stuff up? where do you think hey picked up the fact that joe's new photodump might have easter eggs in it? is it because fans were talking about it already? they are not leading this chase, you are.

whenever they do get called out for their intrusive behavior it's always so weak and spineless too. 'we're allowed to speculate', 'it's not like we're saying anything bad', etc. all of the sudden it's like they've never even listened to the person they swear they know so well because she's always said how much she hates that kind of behavior. you swear you can read her mind or guess her intentions but now we're forgetting how much gossip gets to her? how much she's repeatedly said she hates having her personal life publicly discussed? but i thought you knew her? which one is it huh?

#answered #anonymous

[zalrb]

do you think delena could've made more sense if they played up Elena's cognitive dissonance when it came to Damon like he knew her since she was wha 16/17? and actively groomed her, and since she was a high schooler who was being groomed she might not have understood the true implications of daroline, instead she just saw it as "wow he was a dick to her" bc caroline was somewhat okay w him, and stefan despite disapproving always kept him around so he couldn't have been THAT bad so she basically had a fucked up perspective regarding abusive relationships

ummm, for me it was more like a route they could've gone is if they made elena like the DErs who come into my inbox:

And I would be completely OK with a seventeen year old Elena thinking that dangerous, all-consuming love is exciting without actually experiencing it because teens do that, teens see something or hear something and it sounds good in theory and then it happens to them and they’re like nope, I lied, I don’t want this,

...

I have also said that I could see Elena being attracted to the idea of Damon, the way the Delena fandom is attracted to and romanticizes the idea of Damon where, like, a part of her likes the fact that he’d let everyone die to save her, is flattered by the fact that when she says something to hurt him, he spirals out of control, misconstrues his toxic behaviour as intense love and finds herself curious about him because he comes on strong all the time only for them to get together and realize how unbelievably awful it is to be in that relationship

...

I remember talking to DErs who thought Stefan was so conceited and arrogant because a) he didn’t think Damon was a real threat to his relationship to Elena b) he says “you have me” when Elena says she’s has no one in 3x20 whereas Damon was so great because he was consistently insecure about his relationship to Elena since he knew she was so much better than him. And I was like, OK, barring all of the homicidal and predatory shit that Damon has done, I can see why in theory you think it’s great that this man is so worried about losing his girlfriend and is essentially like “ugh I’m a mere mortal dating a GODDESS” except that’s not how that really plays out. Damon being consistently insecure about his relationship with Elena means that she has to constantly stroke his ego and assure him. Damon being so insecure about his relationship with Elena means that when Elena seemingly confirms his insecurities, the first thing he does is kill her friend and kidnap her brother to be tortured when he had already killed her brother previously because she didn’t stroke his ego one night and he felt bad.

and to add to that, if Elena was really like, no no i can change him, i can make him better, combined with Elena rationalizing that Damon was just feeding on Caroline and not understanding or appreciating the full extent of what happened and then once she gets into the relationship realizing her own naivete.

[curioussubjects]

who’s ready for the captain’s hand?? not me, but here we goooo

mandatory whinging about lee/dee: wah don’t like it why this bleh etc etc (they are very cute though, as individuals)

1. karaaaa baby i missed you 

2. lee out here telling lies about knowing how to handle kara thrace. HAH. though tbf he didn’t sound like he believed what he was saying either lmao

3. laura looking at that picture of her and billy my heart

4. ngl watching this forced birth storyline rn with roe v. wade about to be overturned in the grossest way possible is not great, folks. straight up not having a good time here. especially with the girl being literally referred to as “property of her parents.” and frankly i don’t think this is the abortion episode bsg needed. there’s no reason for abortion to be a religious issue in this ‘verse. if rdm wanted an edgy abortion episode so badly i think the route of government control due to repopulation concerns would be much more appropriate. fucked up, yes, but a more likely concern in their situation, rather than copy+pasting the forced birth as an imposition of religious belief onto others. like being religious doesn’t automatically mean anti-choice. it never has.  at least adama makes a mention of the “we better start having babies thing” not that it mattered in the end beyond justifying cognitive dissonance. 😩

5. baltar im sorry you got a personality transplant and that you won’t get better until season 4-ish. rip.  6. add this episode to the evidence pile of kara thrace has adhd thanks (”you should see the way my brain works sometimes” my beloved) 7. oh yeah lee is totes mad because kara shot him by accident. yep. suuuuuuuure. 100%. lee say you’re sorry right now look what you did you made her sad 😭😭  8. eeeee lee is such a precious little bean taking command of pegasus with his little face 🥺🥺

9. kara’s little laugh in the viper im soft 🥺🥺❤❤

10. father issues via battlestar command only in bsg *finger guns*

11. oh. ohh. PILOTS. what was that scene in the bunkroom im SEVERELY UNWELL OVER IT OMG legit almost cried my sweet babies with the HANDS and the EYES and the FACE JOURNEYS. and kara, oh kara she was so sad and so scared she lost her best friend 😭😭 but it’s just gonna keep happening because it’s not about bucking authority and getting away with it or being shot. it’s about the extended hand holding and the GAZING and the bittersweet hugging. it’s about the *thing* they wont talk about ugh ugh. it’s about baltar and sam and dee and zak. and it’s about being scared of risking it all and losing and and 😭😭😭 someone hold me im on the floor  

12. many thoughts head full (of pilots)

#battlestar galactica #bsg #starpollo #pilotspilotspilots #rip me bsg blogging in 2022 #omg yall im gonna keep thinking about the pilots scene 5ever im ruined #complete pilots brain rot

[foxymoxynoona]

Oh god foxy😭😭 I usually wait a bit before writing to you so that I don’t end up giving you a whiplash like I did with ✨the breakup✨ in flux 💀 but damn it this one hit me right in the feels😭. Personally, I know Sasha’s life has been shitty but every time you go into detail about how shitty it actually was it’s like I never fully realized it. When it got to the “scars in my bones, teeth, immune system, digestive system” part I had to stop for a few minutes and go watch videos of puppies playing🙃. I can’t even imagine how I will be (or how everyone including JK will be) when she tells him about the rest. And the way you portrayed the “I feel bad for shitty things happening in the world but it’s not compatible to what I feel when these things happen to people I care about” feeling so perfectly. Some sort of guilt in being privileged and not being able to make it better for them. ALSO: Sasha’s emotion when his family included her in their traditions was so beautiful to read. It was about been seen and recognized in a culture that doesn’t belong to her and being accepted. TMI but it’s one of my biggest fears that of not being accepted or liked by the family of whoever (or IF ever😅) I end up with. I saw unnecessary hurtful family drama happen one too many times and it’s so painful but for what?! And maybe it’s just me but appreciating the culture of the people you love feels so… intimate? I always love to think about it.

Ugh why am I being so sappy and emotional I’m swear I’m a bitch 98% of the time. See this is why I wait before writing you, give me a minute I’ll go back to being a sarcastic ass😫

PS. Last chapter! It’s going to break me, I know😫 I have a feeling it’s going to end with a twist… you surely wouldn’t leave me hanging like that tho, right?🫣🫣. OH I have a question I’ll regret asking: let’s say you give this book a 7/10 for pain and angst. Based on this scale, what would the number be for the next book? Should I cry? Should I scream? Should I cry as I scream?😃

🌸

I hate to break it to you but I guess we only see the 2% because you have never seemed like a bitch in your notes haha. Nice try with your lies!! And hey, I love the immediate unfiltered response to chapters, though you are notably not drinking this time. Those are always even funnier 🤣

The cognitive dissonance between Sasha now and Sasha as a child is so real even she feels it, definitely not surprise Jungkook is still not quite able to grasp the reality of it. Who could? Maybe it makes more sense as this book has blurred what previously looked like an inpenetrable wall boxing up her past, but still, I think what you said is probably what JK will always think when she tells a story: "I know Sasha’s life has been shitty but every time you go into detail about how shitty it actually was it’s like I never fully realized it."

Also I don't know that this comforting about the other culture significant other thing, but you and your future partner can figure out how to adapt to anything. It's tragic when it's not working, but a good partner won't just leave you to struggle and hurt if things don't align well. I'm confident you'll find your way no matter what life throws at you, even if it's impossible to predict now what that'll look like <3

Soooooon for the last chapter!! Comparing to the next book though... I mean the break up in this was SUCH high angst, I think I felt like it was higher than a 7 to me. Writing Sasha's depression fucked me up. The next book shifts a little more to Jungkook, to some of those threads you may have noticed are still dangling --some of you have been pointing those out in comments 😎 I didn't forget.

SO... it's different but soem of you may find the next book almost or just as painful but I think the pain is mostly a slower burn than how sudden this one hit? I can't wait to see what y'all think!

#🌸anon #asks #flux #secret song series

[wannab-urs]

The Spreadsheet Digest Vol. 3 - Fic Recs

Here's everything I added to the Pedro Fics Spreadsheet in the last week with my unedited ramblings attached (the notes I make immediately after reading, often unhinged). I noticed I've started writing my notes with the intention of people reading them, instead of just complete rambling. That means people are reading this! So thank you. I love you and I love all of the authors I share here <3

Fixed on Your Hand of Gold - a Joel one shot by @javiscigarette

-> Sweet but rough dom Joel back at it again. I love the way he checks on in reader so often, but how he also manhandles you into sub space every time? Like can I please have him irl please

Step-dad Joel - a Joel series (kind of) by @toxicanonymity

-> Reader is in her twenties and does not live at home. Joel married her mom when she was a teen. Now in her 20s, she catches Joel jerking off to her instagram one day and starts toying with him. He tries to resist.

Silence Can Never Be Bought - a Joel series by @toxicanonymity

-> Listen we all know I'm here for the porn more than the plot... it's been well demonstrated... but anyway I actually am a sucker for a good plot. And this here bad boy *slaps roof of this fic* can hold so many twists and turns. The smut in this drove me crazy, also, if that wasn't obvious.

- Cognitive Dissonance - a Jack series by @prolix-yuy

-> I have no clue what westworld even is, but i didn't really need to. Prolix takes you there and really immerses you in the world fucking effortlessly. Jack is so fucking hot and sweet in this fic and the reader character is lovely too. The smut was absolutely mind blowing... i just... read it and weep babes. (Oh and there's a new series in the universe coming!!)

A Taste For Men Who Are Older - a Joel one shot by @beskarandblasters

-> We fuckin love horny neighbor joels in this house. This fic is so fucking hot and I really love the whole ditching your date to bang Joel trope... is that a trope? I read it really often so... I'm calling it a trope.

Gin's 2K baby fics - mostly joel + one Jack mini fics by @atinylittlepain

-> These are all excellent. Special shout out to Big Fan (Tommy's Version), a non-slash silly ficlet inspired by my dumbass ask. Happy 2K!

Breathe Through It - a Joel one shot by @ezrasversion

-> This is so soft... I am so soft... I'm gonna cry. No smut just some hurt/comfort babies I am crying

Trust Me - a Din one shot by @atinylittlepain

-> Trust ME! This fic is hot. We love Din Djarin, Consent King, asking every step of the way. He's so sweet when he's reassuring her... ugh. And that calm confidence Din has is so sexy and that's really present in this fic. fhdsjfhdsjkfsdj Gin this is hot.

Night Walks- a Joel series by @toxicanonymity

-> I lied I'm putting nightwalks on the rec list. READ THE WARNINGS. this is my favorite of the nightwalks series. She's finally letting herself be into it (but she's like really high so....) but anyway this is HOT jesus christ ily Toxic ily ily

Birds of a Feather - a Joel one shot by @atinylittlepain

-> Obsessed with reader in this fic actually, she's so lovely. And I love love love their dynamic in this UGH.

Office Hours - a Mr. Ben one shot by @cutesyscreenname

-> I love a Mr. Ben fic. And I love a pegging fic. And I love professor!pedge characters. I just love this.

I had a work trip this week, so I only have 2 or 3 days of reading on here. This meant that I prioritized fics I already knew I wanted to read and didn't do any digging for writers not normally on my radar or Pedge characters not living rent free in my brain at the moment. I also know I missed some of my dear friends, but you'll be on next weeks because you're in my tbr right now at the very top. I love you all!

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro fics #pedro pascal character fanfiction #joel miller fics #jack daniels fics #Din Djarin fics #Mr. Ben fics