#like now most of my friends are at least on the queer spectrum

[ahungeringknife]

Let's talk about Aspec characters and relationships!

I'm aroace. I write a lot of characters who are aspec in some way. I have a lot of aspec friends. And this is why your aspec character is driving me crazy. There's also sex talk in here so if you're not mature enough to handle it please scroll past.

Edit: Allos also should reblog this if you found it helpful.

First lets get some terms right:

Aromantic (aro) and Asexual (ace) are two distinct things. Aroace means you're both aromantic and asexual at the same time. It is generally referred to as 'aspec' (aro/ace spectrum) when you fall on one or both spectrums. If you are not aspec you are allosexual/alloromantic (allo). It just means someone who isn't ace or aro. You can also be aroallo or aceallo (aromantic allosexual, asexual alloromantic). All these terms are neutral and not used in derogatory ways similar to trans/cis. It's a descriptive word not a put down.

Now about those characters and their relationships. Because that is the most :))))) to me as an aroace is when people just don't know how to handle an aspec character. Usually because they're allo. But that's okay you probably don't know and we're all here to learn from each other. Here's some things to consider when you want to make or write an aspec person.

Ace's do sometimes have sex. They just aren't motivated by sex. That's it.

Along with sex your ace character may also masturbate and feel good being touched. They also might only like touching themselves and hate when other people do it. They usually also know when someone is hot/sexy and will comment on it. Finding someone sexy =/= we want to fuck them. Thinking someone is hot =/= we want to fuck them. We're still human. We know what a hot human looks like. Your ace character might be attracted to someone's appearance aesthetically but have no interest in their bits. Your ace character might fall in love with the most beautiful person in your story and never show any interest of wanting to bed them.

They can have boyfriends/girlfriends/romantic partners they do or don't have sex with. But they can be anywhere on the spectrum of sex repulsive, to sex positive, to absolute sex hound. Some of the horniest people you know are probably ace. Some of the horniest people I know are ace, and I have a lot of ace friends.

And we're not all virgins. Some ace's had sex and realized 'nah fam. Didn't do it for me' and never did it again. Others are virgins and have no intention ever of having sex. Others are virgins but don't care either way? It just hasn't happened. Others enjoy sex with their partners. Some are parents! You can be ace and had enough sex to procreate. Some also think sex is icky or it squicks them out. Some might be squicked out at the thought of sex with another person but they're fine looking at porn or doing it themselves. There is a wide range of what asexuals are into just like allos.

Aros also sometimes do the sex. They are not motivated by romance. That's it.

That being said your aro character can have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and it can be 'romantic'. It doesn't have to be a queer platonic relationship. Your aro character also might not want to be in a relationship at all. It is not weird for your aro character to call their partner their partner or bf/gf or if they're married their husband/wife.

Aro people do not get butterflies. They don't really get flustered around people they like. There's no spark. And they don't feel that romantic attraction allos do when they meet someone and fall in love with them. I've found that aro people are also terrible at flirting or picking up flirting cues. At least in my own personal experience when it took my aro ass 3 years to realize some girl was flirting with me and I just thought she was being nice to me. Take the 'useless lesbian' trope and take it to 11. We just don't know. Aro people also know when other people are hot. Just like aces just because we're aro doesn't mean we don't know a baddy when we see one. We just probably won't realize said baddy is flirting with us...

Aro character still love. They love their family, they love their friends, they love their partners. And it's all real love. The love is still there. Aro characters also probably know what they should do to mimic being in love. Even if we don't love someone more than platonically they may still do the things romantic partners do with their partner. Some don't! And that's fine too. Sometimes you're boyfriends and you share the same bed with him, and sometimes your girlfriend is just your roommate. Both are totally valid aro relationships. Maybe your character kisses their partner passionately and they like it, or they might only kiss during sex, or they might not kiss on the mouth. All valid and correct, still no romo. Kissing =/= romance for aros. Sex =/=romance for aros.

Aroace characters do all those things! At once! They can do the sex, and the boyfriend/girlfriend/partner and loving their friends. They just are not motivated by sex or romance. Kissing =/= sexual attraction. Sex =/= romantic love.

Being aspec is looking at the most beautiful and delicious cake in the world and going 'neat, cake' and walking away not even wondering what it tastes like, not even for a second considering having a bite. It's a cake. Neat. You are not motivated by cake. You don't even really care about cake. It's nice that other people fucking loooooooove cake but it's just not for you.

We also know what love is supposed to be like, what a 'healthy sexual' relationship should feel like. It's everywhere. All around us. Constantly. It's also sometimes fucking exhausting! It's why some aspec people can be a bit agro. We get it you're in love/got a new partner/are sleeping with someone/really sexually attracted to this person/keep spamming us with your celeb thirst pics/etc. It does get tiring sometimes. We don't care about the cake and sometimes listening to you talk about the cake drives us crazy. Consider that too when writing aspec characters. Sometimes their friends and their cakes are annoying no matter how much they love them platonically or romantically.

Anyway just some things to consider for your aspec OCs from an older aroace. Should be said aspec is a wide spectrum and I'm drawing on my own experience as an aroace with aspec friends, and my writing of those characters. If you have more questions about writing characters on this spectrum feel free to ask!

#writeblr #writblr #writing advice #character advice #asexual #aromantic #aroace #aspec character #writing tips #writing #character tips #writing help #character help #writers on tumblr

[wild-at-mind]

As of time of writing, Rishi Sunak is still refusing to apologise for the jibe at trans women in PMQ. (Apologise specifically to Brianna Ghey's parents, her mother at least being definetly present at the time.) What will the fallout for this be? This is only days after normally transphobic tabloids splashed the mugshots of Brianna's killers all over their front page with headlines like 'PURE EVIL'. It seemed the spectacle of 16 year old murderers overrode the fact that they normally don't care about trans people. Rishi's remark streamrolled one of the most important optics rules on most parts of the political spectrum- don't say things that upset the grieving family. On the other hand, Sunak was making a jibe that revealed the fact that most people currently in UK politics seem convinced that if they say 'trans women are women' it will not only prove catastrophic for their chance of being elected, it will also cause mobs of people to thrust stats at them supposedly proving that cis women will be in mortal danger. And that may happen! The statistical evidence isn't there at all, though, so I believe it would come to nothing if he rode it out. Anyway, it's the right thing to do. I believe that after a certain point, continually insisting trans women are not women makes you look deranged. I have a trans woman friend who told me she once asked a transphobic/gender critical aquaintance of ours during calm conversation 'how do you see me? What am I, if not a woman?' The aquaintance said 'you're a man dressed up.' Now, these gender critical people claim to be super duper pro GNC cis men (they aren't, because they are worried the GNC cis men might start IDing as trans, and they hate men anyway especially weird queer ones, so it's a non-starter.) But this person was essentially telling my friend 'you aren't what you have clearly demonstrated yourself to be'. It's often said that 'trans women are women' is an opinion, but in my eyes saying that trans women are not women is an opinion. This aquaintance was saying what she had been indocterinated to believe by her TERF online circles, and I don't think she's reachable (my friend is no longer trying, it was a one off conversation as far as I can tell). I've said this before but I maintain that politicians should stop dignifying the question of 'what is a woman? Define what a woman is!' because it's a question that is never asked in good faith. It's a gotcha, and you don't need to answer it and fall into whatever trap they are setting. You just need to put forth policies that support both cis women and trans women- showing support with your deeds and words. And Starmer should have a fucking backbone- Sunak isn't wrong there. If anything what Sunak did was very revealing because it shows he's used to being surrounded only by people who guffaw at the very idea that 'trans women are women' is something true in both theory and practice. Meanwhile trans people are becoming more visible and I truly believe within 20 years, both Sunak and Starmer will look like dinosaurs in much the same way as the homophobic politicians of yore were following a public zeitgeist that was quickly becoming outdated. It's a shame we never seem to learn from the past.

#uk politics #rishi sunak #keir starmer #transmisogyny #btw i don't know the stats on how many trans women there are in the country but 0.1 % seems on the low side #although technically it doesn't count the ones who have had bottom surgery i guess..??? #they don't like those trans women obvs but they know the scary power of the penis as a rhetorical device #btw i swear to god if someone assumes i'm saying homophobia no longer exists- no! #i'm saying the way it is publically acceptable in the political sphere (and all social spheres) to talk about gay people has changed a lot #it is no longer acceptable to express from a position of power that it is not good (or at least neutral) to be gay. #that is why homophobic evangelicals feel themselves super oppressed and marginilised- one of the many reasons #also note that cis gay people are being used as a chess piece in the trans kids argument- these poor kids are just gay! #gay is ok now as long as the foundations of gender can stay the same #they are still homophobic but it's just different. That's all i mean.

[lunarsilkscreen]

Why did I leave the military

In 2010, the repeal of don't ask don't tell happened, which was a landslide victory for gay men. But for Queer people in general? Iffy ground.

For the entirety of my existence I knew what I was, am, are. But gender confirming social policy and social stigma means you can't talk about it. Like the first two rules of Fight Club.

It exists, but you don't talk about it. Because quote: "It's morally and objectively wrong to wear clothes of the opposite gender."

That's the Line you can't cross. And yes, this includes Kilts if you're outside of the Ireland/Scotland area.

So if you're further than that on the queer spectrum, you look ambiguous, people confuse you for another gender, or they just can't tell. That is a moral and personal failing. One corrected through Hairstyles, clothing, and gendered perfume flavours.

So if you're a genetic men and other men are confusing you for a women, and other (maybe sapphic) women want to date you. They can't acknowledge that.

Just "Oh, we can't do that thing at all".

But the talk will go on behind your back regardless.

Some people look like me are upset because they aren't seen as the Pinnacle of masculinity. A trait I also shared, but not really cause it felt good mind you. I wanted to be a women. Right? At the very least, I was OK with ambiguity.

"so why the F*? Would you join the military if it would put you in the box?"

Oh you know, GI. Jane, the existence of the "Tom Boy". Video Games.

Plus I had a lot of reasons I couldn't continue staying where I had grown up, or with my family, or even continue going to college the first time around despite having qualified for the MEAP{ Michigan Educational Assessment Program } which awarded money to kids just out of high school for excelling at a test that summed up the entire school education.

Quick Google search says it's the "M-STEP" now. I dunno how many other students qualified. I just know I qualified for that *on top* of tuition incentive program.

To which people understandable ask what happened?

It was going great, but I had no way to practice for driving test to get out there. Had a friend, friend promised would help me. Which made me start the aid process. But that process had a two year limit on it.

That two year limit on it, along with no driver's license along with unstable home life, along with losing that friendship, because her words; "you're a bum". Along with whatever other list of grievances she had with me. Meant I lost that second year of aid. Gone. I need to stop trusting people.

So unstable home life, depression, definitely queer, definitely no friends. A friend of mine was joining the Air Force. And I thought "F* it, YOLO".

The complex reasons? That instability. That lack of future. The paycheck. And the possibility that I *might* be able to pursue my dreams that way.

So why the F* would I leave that behind?

In the Air Force, we're taught to lead from the front. I dunno if that's the same way in other branches, I assume it is.

At that time I was falling apart mentally, the only thing keeping me going was this knowledge that life sucked on the outside, and there was, and still is nothing out here for me. I re-enlisted for a little while, got to do a desk job with a lot of programming. But I was still falling apart mentally.

And when I went to pursue the reasons why, There still wasn't anything that I could do about it. Just me, and deteriorating mental health. And being Vaguely Queer, but not really getting along with other queer people cuz the community sucks. (most communities suck, but the gatekeeping in the queer community is something else man.)

And then, the cherry on top was the Executive Order by President Trump that trans people should be banned from serving in the military.

Many queer people accuse me of this being the only reason for it. F* them. You know why? Gatekeeping.

Excuse me for leaving on my integrity.

I could've stayed just a few more months until the end of my enlistment and not had to burn a bridge. But I used my other disability, let's just say arthritis. Because there's a list. As an instant out.

I could've waited and had the same benefits you know.

I could've stayed in and had a fulfilling career. Well, maybe. There was talk of a thing I was supposed to be up for. But it wasn't real until the moment I left. It wouldn't have stopped me from leaving either way.

But it was; A presidential declaration that the My (and by extension the Military's) Mental Health did not matter in the slightest. And the possibility of going back to a Job, Airline Mechanic, on a devasting weapon that had already taken a toll on my mental health.

And I couldn't deal with both of those possibilities.

So I saved what I could in order to bide my time for a job.

And everybody that I could've relied on back home. In any facet, I ended up being unable to rely on them, and with declining mental health that also didn't matter to them; made a string of decisions that put me in a bind.

And with no friends, and no backup, and relatively no voice.

I decided to protest the U.S. government. And Trump himself for being a megaphone for the Evangelicalsm that hated me. Made my family reluctant to support me. And just overall being Dick's.

Because, unlike those actually in the "queer community" I took a risk.

One that friends and family took advantage of.

I would say "calculated" but I knew what the ultimate price would be. Because I know how people act. I know how jealous and hateful and spiteful they are.

And they haven't proven me wrong yet.

[zahri-melitor]

Newish Comics, Regular Edition (thank you extremely early spoilers meaning I spent yesterday on the Gotham War stuff, this is a big edition and I’ve been holding myself back from touching these for FOUR WHOLE WEEKS):

Birds of Prey #1: Righto so as I read this my levels of trust are building just slightly. There is at least reasoning being built into this scenario. Also I note the note that this is post Green Arrow #6

The list!!! I’ve already ranted about this but I want to note how IMMACULATE the order of “Shiva, Selina, Talia?, Cheshire?” is. Shiva’s the obvious starting point. She’s heavily associated with Sin, she’s an actual Bird of Prey from several team lineups, there’s the whole Dinah and Shiva relationship… Dinah would consider this. Jumping to Selina next, as someone who again has had multiple BoP appearances, is known to ally up if asked, exists in the antihero spectrum, Dinah’s probably also now aware she’s been looking after Lian. Then Talia. I am unaware of Talia being associated with any BoP team lineup ever but she’s an obvious next place for thoughts to go. Talia has Views and if you’re looking at dangerous people who can help with an extraction rescue she’s an option. Then finally, Cheshire. Who Dinah full well knows would cause ALL LEVELS of drama if Dinah asked her to go after Sin given everything around Lian, but is willing to consider it anyway for a moment there.

I do adore the art style in this, DC’s really putting out some stunning LOOKING books at the moment, also the old fashioned comics style and colour here are giving me vibes of the Black Canary 1991 run.

“What’s more important than a sister” remains excellent, Barda and Cass together is just amazing, and I’m interested in what happens with Zealot and Meridian. I understand why Harley’s there even if I don’t like it, and it’s largely approached better than I expected (I just can’t summon the energy to care about that fight scene, it’s establishing stuff to jury rig a reason for Harley to be here at all, I just don’t care about Harley enough, though does Harley have a secret past with the Dava Sborsc ‘collect all the single punches’ form of martial arts?)

My actual big question is: Sin is SIXTEEN? I mean I know we’ve had 2.5 reboots since the last time she was on page in comics, but she was approximately 10 years old after One Year Later. She was in PRIMARY SCHOOL. That’s even faster aging than Damian! (I guess we could stretch the point to her being 11-12, but it feels older than she was depicted)

Blue Beetle #1: The thing I MOST adore about using that JLI picture for Ted is that even with this comic set in the current present, Ted was on the team with a proper USSR Red Rocket. Ted you were a superhero 32 years ago?

Also amused we got a zany Charlton Comics era villain back.

RED BEETLE IS BACK!!! Oh no. Also almost impossible for it to be Paco given various reboots, so… (I’m sure Ted is fine. They’re not killing him off permanently in the first issue of this)

Fire & Ice: Welcome to Smallville #1: BEA! TORA! “Each day is a gift, and I get to share it with my best friend!” (Howling. I’m howling. They’re going to spend this entire mini baiting us all aren’t they)

…Martha immediately starts comparing Fire & Ice to her and Jonathan. “Gorilla Grodd’s little sister” (whose name appears to be Linka Grodd? And who is queer).

NOOOO THEY’RE BREAKING UP! AND THEY WEREN’T EVEN TOGETHER! YOU TWO JUST LESBIANED YOURSELVES INTO A BUSINESS TOGETHER! AND A TWELVE MONTH LEASE!

“Abandoned by my best friend, maybe the only true friend I’ve known.” (Get a room together)

AWW YEAH AMBUSH BUG!!

I am going to thoroughly enjoy this BECAUSE the entire run will be queerbait and hopefully Bea and Tora might finally get to kiss or something in issue 6. I am ready for this. Just gals being pals.

City Boy #4: this remains outstanding in my opinion. I really like what they’re doing with Cameron, and they’re making using Darkseid actually make sense. Also Chemo blowing up Bludhaven has been recanonised!

Shazam! #3: “Dan Mora an alien?” bookmark ahhahahaha. The background details are where Mora really has fun.

NOT THE AUDITORS.

This just remains silly fun (the Moon Emperor?) so I’m enjoying it.

Warlord #18: this week in the land of Skartaris we apparently DID manage to get out of 500km of desert in a single issue. Amazing work, Grell.

Travis once again using his gun. How many bullets left, Travis, how many. Can you make more?

Then they get attacked by the BLOODMOON and kidnapped by space aliens for breeding purposes. After running away from a T-rex.

And then…TRAVIS MORGAN BONDAGE SCENE. I’ve missed these, Grell, how have you been coping?

Travis gets transmuted into a minotaur. This will clearly only go well. (Sadly it gets fixed like three pages later)

Tara saves the day twice because Tara’s actually more competent than Travis.

#z canon read throughs #newish comics

[jonathanstims]

gonna talk about writing as an aro person and it might be a little long

I really like to write—specifically, world building is my favorite thing in this universe. But I feel like, a lot of the time, I could never get the actual story out. I’ve been getting back into the actual outlining of my book, and looking over my old outlines…a lot of them centered romance. I’ve been working on this book for years, so I barely remember what I was thinking about at first, but here’s how I feel now.

My most recent outline was after I knew I was aro and came out. I scrapped all romance for the mc, but actively made a new character to give the mc’s best friend a partner. This is what’s really annoying to me—I had written a crazy long outline, a ton of worldbuilding, symbolism, and had like four hundred catchphrases/snippets of dialogue/folk sayings to fall back on. I had gotten super into it. but this only happened before I made that new character.

after I put them in, I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t give them a name, could barely scrape up a backstory, and stopped drawing my OCs.

I saw a comic recently about how an aro artist really struggled with figuring out how much romance they have to put into a story for people to care enough to hear it, and I reblogged it as usual and moved on. (I really don’t remember this person’s username I’m sorry)

but I was talking to my friend about my almost year-long distaste for the story I’ve been obsessed with for almost a decade, and how I tried to write a romance into it but I just couldn’t give them any chemistry, and they said maybe I should stop. And just not have romance in my book.

and for some reason, even though I’d read that comic and sat for hours agonizing over this side relationship, I didn’t realize that was an OPTION. I just thought there had to be at least SOME romance, yknow? But, after throwing away that clearly forced relationship, I have been able to write and DRAW again, which is absolutely insane for me. I can keep this character, whose backstory I’ve finished fleshing out, and not force them into romance with someone whose main relationship is the friendship he has with my protag. And I just feel so much more relaxed now that I’m not forcing myself to make my characters romantically love each other for allo queer points.

if my work ever gets published and popular enough to gain a fandom, I think it’d be lovely for people to make ships! I really have no problem with that at all, especially because the only character I consider to be aro is the mc, and aromaticism is a beautiful spectrum that absolutely allows for him to be in a qpr or other sort of relationship. I just can’t make myself write that stuff—it’s not something that I want in my canon. I think people can absolutely go wild in fandom! Make them kiss. I’m not a cop. I’m just not gonna do it for you.

#my writing #aromantic #writers on tumblr

[angrypedestrian]

My good pal @explosionshark tagged me asking my top 5 impactful bands/artists, and I am happy to oblige. These are vaguely in chronological order, but also time is soup, so.

1. Sum 41 - This could probably be swapped with Simple Plan or Good Charlotte too, but I think Sum 41 is the least embarrassing (?), so we'll go with that. But basically they were my introduction to pop-punk and, like, subculture in general. I was 12/13-ish when All Killer, No Filler came out, and Fat Lip alone got me out of a rut of just listening to country music and whatever was on the radio, and made me start having my own opinions about what music I wanted to listen to outside of what was being played AT me. And from there it was a direct line to stuff like AFI, and then eventually emo and everything else in its wake.

2. Saaa - You may recall, one of my biggest Brands is being a ska lover and appreciator. It all starts with Saaa. They were a group of kids from my high school (I went to a school with an insanely successful marching band, we subsequently had A LOT of ska bands with really talented horn sections), who were seniors when I was a freshman, and they were the first actual show, not A Concert, that I went to. I had so much fun dancing with my friends, learning to be in a pit, learning that music can be a real community, not just listening to stuff on your CD player alone. Honestly there may not be a more impactful band for who I am now and what I stand for. The link for this one is from my personal google drive, because I have carted the three Saaa demo mp3s I have with me from computer to computer for almost 20 years. They are one of my most prized possessions, and if I ever lose them, I WILL cry.

3. Circle Takes The Square - My memory is terrible, so I may be wrong about this, but CTTS was the first heavy band that made me actually, seriously interested in heavy music. I liked Slipknot and Linkin Park and shit when I was a kid (and don't get me wrong, they still rule), but it was very surface level angry teen stuff. CTTS was my gateway into understanding why screamo and hardcore and things on that side of the spectrum were actually good. As you may recall I grew up in ground zero for militant vegan straight edge hardcore, and all those dudes were so FUCKING annoying so I dismissed several whole genres of music in the process of hating them. But I was wrong about that, hardcore and screamo and metal all are good, actually. Also, my first tattoo was a lyric from Crowquill. But I was 18 and definitely misconstrued a line that was sarcastic as being sincere. Whoops! It is large and dark and takes up a whole inner bicep, double whoops!!!

4. Team Dresch - This is the one that changed everything, like really and truly. Team Dresch was my intro into queercore, and inspired me to start Fuck Yeah! Queer Music over a decade ago. I found Team Dresch as a newly gay punk kid who loved to be a pretentious little shit about being into 90s emo, and learning that there was a band of queer women making the music all the bands full of cis men I loved to listen to (and making it better!!) blew my mind wide fucking open, and I haven't looked back since. Personal Best is one of my most listened to records, and I still can't believe sometimes that I have gotten to see them twice! If you're gay and punk and play in a band, you probably have Team Dresch to thank.

5. RVIVR - I don't know how to put into words how important RVIVR is to me. Suffice it to say, this is a band that actually kept me from killing myself in a very very real way. I wouldn't be here typing this without them, and I miss them every single fucking day. But as long as I can hope that maybe one day I'll get to see them one last time, I'll be here. (Fun fact: not only are they the only band I've seen twice in one day, I've seen them twice in one day on two separate occasions! Second fun fact: I also saw them one (1) week after I got top surgery and still had my drains in! That was stupid, but I'm glad I did because it was the last time I ever got to see them)

(Gotta give an honorable mention to Ace of Base though, my first favorite band, whose first record came out in the US when I was 5 or 6, and it was the first cassette I ever owned. I listened to it CONSTANTLY and it is absolutely the reason I am gay today).

Curious to hear anyone else's top five influential bands or albums! @pivitor @piratejenne @unsungfury @whatthehelliswrongwithhim pop to mind, but truly anyone else reading this I love hearing about shit like this from people.

#thanks bri! #i gotta figure out what to do with this tattoo tho #might have to make it black out poetry y'all

[catwingsathena]

I was tagged by @astrangergivingthestrangewelcome! Thanks friend!

Last song listened to: “To Noise Making (Sing)” by Hozier. It’s on a playlist I made a few days ago and have been listening to on repeat since.

Last TV/movie watched: in general, whatever was playing on the TV at my client’s home today (I’m a home care worker). Of my own volition, meaning something I actually chose to watch rather than just catching a bit of because I happened to be in the room when someone else was watching? I have no idea, but it’s been, at minimum, several months since this happened, and possibly over a year. (Getting me to watch TV/movies/videos of any kind is, famously among my family, an incredibly difficult task. Including for me.)

Current obsession: okay, that’s gonna take a few paragraphs to answer.

Biggest one right now is The Magnus Archives, with the caveat that my specific obsession for the past six months or so has been a particular AU I’m working on, and my even more specific obsession at the moment is Jon and Helen’s dynamic within that AU. And a bit outside it as well—“the narrative structure of this character dynamic is artistically brilliant and makes me go Absolutely Feral (positive)” and “the narrative structure of this character dynamic is incredibly depressing and often I’d prefer to engage with their relationship in the context of a canon divergence AU where things turn out differently and they have a chance to explore some of the possibilities their canon circumstances never allowed for” are… um. They are sentiments that can coexist.

Other specific things within the TMA universe and/or my AU of it that have seriously caught my attention include but are not limited to (under a cut because it got ridiculously long):

Mike Crew and autism. Specifically:

The, pun absolutely intended, vast quantities of evidence in the text that he is autistic. I literally have an academic essay mostly written—complete with citations!—that goes through the ICD-11 criteria for autism spectrum disorder and some other well-known autistic traits point by point and presents canon evidence that he absolutely meets the criteria. (Writing this—and starting it at three in the morning when I got the idea—may be the among the most autistic things I have ever done.)

The potential implications of Entity affiliation in autistic people being related to sensory needs. (I have a whole theory on why so many avatars seem to be neurodivergent and/or queer—something about a need to belong literally anywhere, something else about self-fulfilling prophecies and it being easier for the Entities to get ahold of people who are already made to feel inhuman—but that’s not the point here.) The paragraph in Mike’s statement describing how he feels about falling is one of the most relatable things I have ever read in my life, to the point where I have directly quoted it at people to explain why the idea that amusement park rides might be a migraine trigger for me upsets me so much (yeah, I know. Hush). And the thing is, I know at least part of the reason I’m that way—I have a medically diagnosed autism-related problem with my vestibular system. It’s underactive and doesn’t interpret signals the way it’s supposed to, which means that a) I’m never intuitively sure where my body is in space, which results in both chronic clumsiness and a chronic feeling of mild derealization or disconnection from the world around me, and b) really intense vestibular input (like, say, falling, or spinning, or rocking, or rides that incorporate those things) both feels REALLY good and temporarily fixes both of those things. Putting that experience together with my strong opinion that Mike is autistic, I kind of read his draw to the Vast as at least partially an “I have intense vestibular sensory needs and I’m going to make that everyone else’s problem” kind of thing. Which, tbh, good for him. I support disabled wrongs.

Mike’s backstory as an autism metaphor. I mean. He was pursued by a manifestation of the concept of doubting your reality and perceptions and escaped by the power of special interests. Come on.

The concept of the Fairchilds. I mean. You tell me there’s a formalized found family of Vast avatars who all take the same last name and support each other in various ways, and then you never elaborate?? (Me: *furiously writes fic about this*)

Avatar culture more generally. I could elaborate, but I think this post is already long enough. Oops. In my defense, you asked.

Tagging @starsandsupernovae, @pikachic, @thefaestolemyname, @linguisticparadox, @animate-mush, and anyone else who wants to play! Feel free to ignore if you’d rather not. Best!

#tag game #catwings chatter #tma #actuallyautistic

[stanlunter]

Well my thoughts about "Lunter" types (what variants of liking Luz and Hunter relationship we have and my opinion about them).

1. Siblings.

I personally obviously don't see them so and don't like their relationship at in this point, however I think this type of relationship could work out, but not in canon. Their relationship just never were written this way them to could see each other as siblings and that's why I don't see it and never will. I don't mind it to be someone's fanon, but if Dana wanted to make it canon, it was written realy awful. I could write a whole post about why it can't and shouldn't work out now and how shoulded they do it it to work out. Anyways, in s3 I understand why they being seem so, but to me s3 basicly just wasted Hunter's chatacter fully.

2. Friends / bestie.

I basicly also don't like the idea of them to just be "friends", bc since Hollow mind their bond is TOO strong for it. But if it would be like besties who help each other and love each other without any kind of romantic attraction and without dating, I don't realy mind.

3. Platonic ship.

Even tho in canon their relationship are very like platonic and if they would realy became a couple, they still would be only platonic, I don't like this. The problem is that too many people ignore in the frase "platonic ship" the word "ship". Every time someone say they like platonic ship, people just accept it how "I like their relationship"/"I see them as siblings" and it is a problem to me, bc it basicly exclude platonic Lunter shippers from Lunter fans even if they don't wanna be exclude. Also a lot of people think "platonic" means "without romantic attraction", while in fact it means only "without sexual attraction" so romantic attraction still can be there and at this point I realy like the idea of this as well, but again, not like "blusings, dates, kisses and other stuff".

4. Typical romantic.

What I mean by "typical romantic"? To me it's this annoying stuff like blushings, complements, embarassment, holding hands, a wish to show your partner only the best part of you and basicly just almost everything Lumity and Huntlow have. No, thank you, but I sick of it. Mb it's just bc Im on aromantic spectrum so I don't like and understand these, so if my ship don't have it in canon, it also wont have it in fanon. The only my ships who also have it in canon, so in fanon too are Scorptra and Adrigami. And Lunter is perfect even without it.

5. Frenemies to lovers.

Well.. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS! This type of relationship is by far the best for them to me, cause basicly it includes everything other types have and do it in moderation. And that's what I like the most. They will flirt each other (in their own way - teasing), they will watch and discuss films together, they with always sapport, help, protect, care about each other, they will act like they can't stand each other, knowing the can't wait to see each other, they will be absolutely comfortable and opened with each other, solve riddles and get in troubles with each other! This is amazing and I love this type of their relationship so much!

6. Queer platonic relationship.

Basicly, that's like the previous one, but without frenemies part. Since QPR is one of my favourite tropes, I realy like this too and even in my au this one is most likely to happen. However, this type of relationship is too ambiguous to say much about it. Anyways, if it excludes Amity and Willow, at least as someones Luz and Hunter love more than each other, Im still for it. Sometimes platonic friends are much more important than romantic lovers. And Lunter is the best example of it.

7. Friends who secretaly love each other. Well, basicly, it is just a romantic ship, but I still love this trope and the idea of it. But I think it doesn't deservses a whole essay, sorry.

#lunter #goldenluz #huntluz #goldenlight #luz x hunter #huntceda #the owl house

[bisexualgiftedburnout]

UN-POPULAR OPINION I THINK: I DONT LIKE WEDNESDAY, not the day, the show on netflix, ANYWAYS HERE IS MY RANT.

The internet is amazing, no one cares about my opinion and yet here it is.

Anyways..

Ok, so on paper it seems really good, and I love Jenna Ortega in it, she played it wonderfully and the latina representation was gorgeous, they nailed her character 100%. But the amount of missed opportunities on that dam show I swear. First of all and probably the most annoying TEENAGERS DONT TALK OR ACT LIKE THAT TF. l

Like I'm around that age and the amount of weird outfits and random coffee shop things and all that was so fucking annoying like a classic case of adults not knowing how to write teens. Also they never fucking went to class. Not once. I get that the plot was about the mystery, but they could have at least used it as a setting once or twice. Or implied there was homework, like, more than once. They went to plant school that one time but THAT WAS IT. As someone who is aggressively overwhelmed by homeowkr that I'm paralyzed by it this was widely inaccurate. And the use of the words "normie" and "outcast" was so fucking annoying. Like please stop.

Also, I feel like the plot could have been a little deeper, if they had just been more explicit about people they were representing. I've heard fan theories about how the whole thing was a metaphor for people on the autism spectrum, and I actually really liked that idea, I'm not nerodivergent, I don't think, but Wednesday seems like she would fit this well, especially with the plot line of her neglecting friends because she was extremly focused on her SPECIAL PROJECT TM. but they did zero with that. She spoke very briefly about how the pilgrams had stolen land, that was great, but that could have been taken further. When laurel said that thing about how nevermore was on "stolen" land I thought Wednesday was going to pull out books and maps and shit but NOTHING. Also, yes, I know, including a couple of black characters in the background was a ton of project for Tim Burton but come on, they could have gotten better roles/plotlines (one dead, one a dangerous bigot, one with a dysfucntional family who got the spotlight for one episode), there could have been more minorities in the cast, THEY COULD HAVE USED THEIR EXISTENCE TO TELL MORE STORIES. Wasted potential. And the one that bothers me most. WEDNESDAY ADAMS IS THE MOST QUEER CODED CHARACTER I HAVE EVER SEEN. SHES AND OUTCAST HER ONLY REAL CONNECTION WAS WITH HER FUCKING ROOMATE . THEY COULD HAVE KISSED, COME ON MAN. Wednesday was an "outcast", literally every gay kid ever. Come on. I'm too tired to lay out the arguments, but that bitch ain't straight, infact I'm pretty sure she's not even bi, girl's a lesbian. Doesn't want to turn into her parents who's whole thing is that they are madly hetero for each other that's a dead fucking giveaway. And enid's whole plot line where they actually name dropped conversion therapy was weird. And then she became a werewolf anyways? Like what was that plotline? No I'll never change for you, my disrespectful mother who wants me to be different. But I changed by myself to be that exact thing so it's fine now. Like let's be real, this was supposed to mean something, some writer thought this was meant to be like a thing about uniqueness or something, but even then what was this????

But you know what, the main plot was decent, I actually got invested, love Wednesday, and even though they hired adults to play children at least they didn't sexualize them.

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #wednesday #wednesday addams #wednesday and enid #the addams family #thing addams #tim burton #queer #nerodiversity #neurodivergent #representation #lesbian #biseuxal #gay girls #gay #dont sexualize children

[transmogrified-in-the-void]

I've been going through a very interesting, and important gender and gender presentation journey over the past four months, which culminated into a comment that has been bothering me for a while.

Since about mid-September, I've been slowly gaining a lot of self-confidence for various reasons, and I've also been looking at the parts of myself that I've hidden underground inside my mind for a long while. Including my own feelings about my own femininity.

For those who have known me for a while, you'll know I've always been more masculine leaning in presentation and gender. As it turns out, I sort of pendulum swing across the entire spectrum.

Me and the friend who's been by my side this entire journey (who, funnily enough, is the only allocishet friend I have), had this inside joke with each other that if I showed up to a meeting with the gang in a skirt they wouldn't know what to do. And so we eventually got me a skirt.

I can't begin to describe the amount of pure bliss I felt when I saw myself in it. I'd only felt that feeling once before, when my dad put one of his old ties on me for a fun little game we were playing in 2020. The only difference was that when that happened, I was still in denial about who I was. When I looked in the mirror, it was something I couldn't even begin to grasp onto. When I looked into the mirror just barely two weeks ago, I finally saw me.

And so we ended up making a whole "scene girl" outfit for me. This was revealed in almost its entirety a few days later, and we were right. They really didn't know what to do with me. With the exception of my mom and one of my oldest friends (who both said I looked cute, and I did! I felt cute!), the actual group I hang around with didn't know how to react to it. One of my friends just ignored the whole thing like it was normal (hurtful, but it's whatever), another kept asking when it happened and trying to wrap his head around the change (funny), and one eventually ended up saying something that's been bothering me.

Initially, they were really surprised I had legs because he forgot that I did. But later, when we were talking about a character that me and the aforementioned friend had made for a sitcom (a transman who dresses femininely for the most part), he turned to me and said "so like you, a transmasc drag queen".

While yes, that fits that character fairly well, it didn't sit right when about me. Because no, as it turns out, I'm not a transmasc drag queen. I'm not really . . . anything. When I dress more masculine, it's queer because it borders on tomboy/butch and transmasc (which, I know those terms can coexist, but I'm using it as a scale of masculinity because I can't explain it any other way), and when I dress femininely it's also queer because I'm someone who inherently goes towards androgyny/masculinity as my comfort expression.

Here's the funny part, though. Of the four people I hang around, three are queer in some way. The only one, the only one, who saw that I'm fine with fluidity in pronouns, jokes about my gender, and just sort of knew from the beginning that I was suppressing my femininity (which he told me after the Skirt Moment, so that was a fun night), was allocishet. I could get into all the weird shit that has gone on with me and the group, but the least queer person in the group understood, almost immediately, that I, the most verbally and visually queer of the group, enjoy funny little gender jokes. Hell, a few days after meeting I was doing something in my friend's kitchen and he said "oh sorry I was raised in a republican household, if there's someone in the kitchen I assume it's a woman".

So I guess what I'm saying, right now, is that I'm not any particular gender identity, I'm not trans anything, I don't really enjoy the fit of genderqueer even, I just. Am. And I wish that people irl would be willing to have fun with that more, rather than being so fucking afraid that I'm going to have a breakdown and kill someone for misgendering me.

#also this is like. really small. #but that allocishet friend didn't know my pronouns for the first week knowing me and when i wasnt there was she/her-ing me #and everyone would just. death glare him??? and not correct him??? #like he was supposed to know??? #one whole week of it happening!!! and he had to go and ask because they wouldnt tell him!!! like what!!! #its just. so weird that my friends are so protective of my identity in places that i dont give a fuck??? #meanwhile one of their moms is protective of me because. and i quote. 'payton will give up things for others that they care about at their #own detriment' like that is the second most accurate reading of me anyone has given #idk i could get into the small shit that this group does #like how i used to talk about being in a constant state of disassociation and it was just 'eyyyy cool! me too sometimes!!' #or how i make a joke that im constantly touch starved and they still dont even really want me to hug them or anything???? #idk small shit like that #or paytonisms #but i love them #so yeah. heres this ig ;-; #p bangs the keys

[ridleyytheriddler]

im suuuper bored rn and in a mood to write so! rant! yay!

first thing i wanted to rant about - my sexual orientation (:

im ace, period. i know that for a fact. at least I'm somewhere on the spectrum, maybe demisexual? but I'm not sure, I'm not really diving into microlabels.

romantic orientation is an ENTIRELY different story...

had a crush on a boy in 3rd/4th grade, back when (i thought) i was a cishet girl. liked him until like 5th grade when my feelings sort of faded away. now, i was virtual schooled through 5th and 6th so i didn't really like anyone in sixth grade but i spent a lot of time exploring queerness in general- like my nonbinary awakening happened sometime in like January/February of 2022 (though i did first label myself as a demigirl, it still falls under the enby umbrella).

i entered seventh grade as a closeted aroace enby and went through about 3/4 of the year without any major crushes (i had a platonic interest in a boy that i misinterpreted as a crush). i didn't really label my romantic attraction because i didn't need to.

however, as the end of the school year approached, i started feeling uncomfortable. i wanted to know who i was, and the only valid part of my identity had been my asexuality, since i knew that i liked a boy in the past so how could i be aro? i was drowning in a whirlpool of invalidation and not feeling queer enough.

so, i go to the first camp of the year, a writing camp, filled with TONS of queer people. i loved it there, but seeing so many people around me, sure of their identities, made me die more inside.

sooo, a couple days after i was accused of flirting with my friend (who happened to be a boy), i "discovered" i liked a girl. she was pretty, she was smart, she was blonde, she was sporty. i texted her a lot (even after camp was over). i put hearts around her contact name. but "liking" her didn't feel thrilling and it didn't feel happy. to put it simply, it felt like a fucking punishment. talking to her made me feel like i wasn't enough.

so after going through about a month of emotional turmoil and dying inside and bragging to my friends about how i liked a girl, i headed to my first sleepaway camp of the summer, a church camp, ironically enough. and THERE. THERE i fell. not in love, but probably the realest crush i'd had. there weren't really butterflies, so to speak, but if you looked at a picture with the two of us in it, you would see me gazing at her (lets call her M) with literal heart eyes. we'd started quietly chatting while our mutual friends were off doing other stuff, and ended up bonding with each other despite how the only thing we shared was our introverted-ness. and I'm not even that introverted. we're polar opposites. we still text each other almost every day, and i had hopes she liked me back, aaaaaaaaand she doesn't but. here comes part two of my rant.

my crush doesn't like me.

and i don't even feel the tiniest bit sad about it.

this is probably the most confused i've ever been. i know i like her. maybe it's because her "rejection" was so soft it didn't even feel like one. i don't know. it's complicated, but my best friend had been cheering me on to tell her, so i did. and i was honestly divided as to whether she liked me or not- at times she acted like she did but other times she didn't. honestly, i think I'm just hopeful that she likes me

anyway thats not the point-

so. after writing this THERAPUTIC post, i have discovered that:

i am aroace and proud 🧡💛🤍🩵💙

im nonbinary (and proud, but I've known that for a while)

I'm confused

but I'm 100% queer. whether I'm lesbian or straight or bi or something, i am queer! and I'm tired of feeling invalidated by being compared to the people out there who are out and proud with all their labels. i don't need to be exactly like them to be queer and be myself.

to put it poetically, "our friendship is worth more than being in any relationship." I'm going to write a poem about that now. good night yall <3 or even good morning/afternoon.

#queer #shitposts #rants #lgbtqia+ #questioning #my posts

[mizar-alcor-art]

Who am I, really?

I am José Andrés Guadalupe Medina, born (1981) and raised Chicano (American born, with both Spanish and Native blood) from Las Cruces, New Mexico. I am an Artist who is a PoC on the autism spectrum, dual-spirit, and queer. My tumblr handle draws much significance from my identity: like Mizar and Alcor - a dual star that shines in the sky as one - I am two-spirit. My soul is both masculine and feminine.  

Growing up I was not expected to be any of these things. We were poor and uneducated, and still are. I was expected to be a military hero like all the ‘Men’ in my very strict and tradition-upholding family.  I was expected to follow in the footsteps of my father, and his father, and his father, and his father (you get the point) in the career as a soldier - as a Masonic military hero, complete with classified documents and all. Or maybe, I would at least be a scientist as my grandmother (Mexican-born American) had nicknamed me, since I was one of the first of my family to graduate high school. Or better yet I’d be a preacher, like my father was post-military. I, however, had other plans for myself. 

Since I was 5 years old, I have dreamt of being an artist. My dreams however were impractical; were I to choose to be a doctor, a preacher, or better yet, a soldier, now that would be practical. So, the first social lie I began telling people was that I wanted to be an architect, because everyone accepted that answer, didn’t make a face when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, and because it was close enough to the truth. Despite all this, doing art kept me occupied in the house where I lived with my grandmother, multiple siblings, and our various cousins. It also kept me from being locked outside playing. It was the 80’s, after all. So, I kept doing art.

Growing up, I listened to everyone: I tried to get a “real” job and work my 9-5 and I went to college (which I failed twice), but I overall struggled to keep myself employed. I was always considered a troubled kid and as an adult, no one really expected anything of a high school dropout. People were just happy that I went back to school to get my diploma. It wasn’t until I was an adult and had lived a whole 30 years before I finally was diagnosed with Autism. 

I had lived most of my life until then living in and out of mental institutions and group homes. Doctors were diagnosing me with every behavioral disorder a person can have until I had neurological testing. Most people treat my hidden disability like I am making excuses, so it was like trading in one set of problems for others. Now, I finally have answers to all the questions doctors, parents, and myself had for my whole life. 

Enter: another Global Pandemic. I lost enough to the AIDS crisis, and now we had COVID and social quarantine.

The biggest thing about surviving a pandemic (as those of us who survived COVID all know) is that some of us fare better than others, that some of us survive while others don’t. In the AIDS crisis, we lost friends, family and pillars of our oppressed community. LGBTQIA+ comes from all of us standing together to be heard, that we are people that deserve proper health care and community services. We had to come together as Queers and scream all as one that we need and that we deserve healthcare and community service and that we are human fucking beings. We needed to come together as one to be heard and treated as one. 

I feel that we have this thing where we forget how recently the AIDS crisis happened. COVID was more isolation and mental torment for me, as someone who survived the AIDS crisis - seeing a similar separation not between cis-straights and queers, but between the masses and the 1%. We needed to come together as one together just as we did then to be heard. Unfortunately, we could not. 

I was just finally starting to live my dreams and live the life of an artist before COVID,  and most importantly, I was making so much art! Being home living with strangers who took advantage of me and our situation, I felt a real need to express myself but instead found myself unable to create art. I turned to music and poetry, I learned to read music and to play the ukulele, and I turned to the Haiku to learn to express myself through different outlets.

The biggest challenge that I face as an Artist is creating a safe space for me to be creative. Sometimes that means managing my own personal disorders as well as finding a safe space to be creative. I create that space by writing, singing, dancing, and most importantly, laughing. It can take me a couple hours to get into the right creative space to create drawings and paintings. I have to get in the right headspace in order to create, like an athlete warming up before a game or practicing in the off season. My brain is a muscle and needs to do its stretches first.

I practice a meditative form of creating art, one where I take clear mental images or visions as I call them and try to make them real. Sometimes when I create, I have visions as I work and I listen when the art speaks to tell me what it wants to be, and then I try to use whatever I have to make it happen. I do not always know myself what is going to happen or what it will look like when it is done. Sometimes I have clear images of what the art should be when it is finished and I put all my being into recreating the mental image. When I work on commissions I like to become a human 3D printer - recreate whatever the client has in their mind. 

In the future, I hope that my art is not only therapeutic for everyone and can become whatever the viewer needs most, but most importantly a gift that we can all share now and for future generations.

My art is not a superpower. However, I feel it in my ancestral blood that I need to replace the art that has been destroyed through colonialism back to the world, and to uplift those on a similar path. I want to present my art to those who may resonate with it, and may find comfort in it, and I want to use this blog to uplift diverse artistry, to celebrate all forms of art, but putting first those who are disabled, queer, and people of color; I want to live and to help others like me live La Vie Boheme and to celebrate a diverse creative spirit.

I want to thank anybody who has visited, reblogged from, or even stuck a like on my posts. I hope we can build a beautiful community together. 

Living in the moment, at the moment,

Guadalupe (fka J.A.G.M)

#artists on tumblr #painting #lupe thinks #queer artists #nonbinary artist #meet the artist #autistic artist #chicano artist

[marriedmyfandom]

Wednesday in a QPR for season 2

Okay, this started as an idle thought because someone said that aroace Wednesday would destroy her emotional/social character arc which is just ???

Like first off, you can definitely develop your social skills and how to check in with your emotions by just... making friends. Wednesday staying a single aroace but learning how to make and maintain friendship would still be character development.

But for the sake of the argument let’s pretend that you subscribe to the allo monogamous notion that for everyone there is this one (1) *special* person out there. So let her be in a QPR!!! Is my main argument for this that I finally want QPR representation, especially in mainstream media? Yes, but that doesn’t make it any less important. I  mean is that really too much to ask?

Now, I know Enid is the most prominent choice for Wednesday’s QPR and I hear and support you but may I propose Tyler...? Hear me out:

I know him saying she was sending him signals got some mixed reactions to say the least. But most people at some point deluded themselves into thinking their crush was sending them signals when their crush very much did not. And also, it’s not as if Wednesday sent anyone else non-platonic signals because she’s probably aroace. Add to that Tyler might be aroace himself but in denial so all he knows about romantic/sexual relations is what society and media taught him and the whole situation gets even more confusing

So why Tyler? (let me preface this by saying this is gonna include some self-projection but isn’t that the point?)

It’s very clear that he cares about her and is very intent on clear communication. Wednesday would always know where she stands with him and we know he has the nerve to ask her where he stands with her and is respectful of her boundaries. Which is important in any relationship but especially in a QPR. Also the fact that she kissed him shows that she felt comfortable enough to explore her own limits with him and trusts him to stop when she shows signs of discomfort because his previous actions were proof that he does.

Of course there is the issue of the Hyde but the more I think about it the more adamant I become that this is not his fault. Like he was groomed/manipulated/traumatized so much. We know he did not intentionally start everything and I would not be surprised if he  actually did not enjoy any part of it. But he was told that he did over and over again so he finally deluded himself into believing that because it gave him some sense of control. (honestly, how many groomed ppl during the relationship think that they actually want this only to later realize that they very much did not). Especially given how emotionally vulnerable he was in that entire situation.

But why should Tyler be in a QPR? I’ve stated before (on Twitter) that I believe both Tyler and Wednesday are queer. I don’t care if you call it mlm/wlw solidarity, bi4bi, QPR, ... there’s something fruity going on between these two. Now this is where the self-projection is getting heavy. The whole Hyde thing will probably cause an alienation between Tyler and his body because so much happened to his body that he had absolutely no control. And as someone whose body does a lot of stuff I have no control over because of my physical disability, let me tell you that it makes intimacy with other people complicated to unappealing (now, I have no way of knowing if I’m simply on the ace-spectrum or if sth caused by my anxiety about my temperamental body. But since I’m generally interested in it but then end up worrying myself in a frenzy about my body’s movements during something as simple as a cuddle session even though physical touch is my primary love language I’m leaning towards the latter). So Tyler would also need to be in a relationship with someone who is aware and respectful of his physical boundaries.

And that’s why I think they should be in a QPR together and will now delude myself into thinking that the show is giving us signals that it will happen even though it’s absolutely unrealistic.

#wednesday #wednesday addams #wednesday and tyler #qpr #tyler galpin #wyler #aroace

[herbirdglitter]

So about two months ago, I post someone’s thing to my instagram story about the asexual experience or whatever, I’m not particularly worried, about people seeing it, most people who see my instagram story already know anyway, but... 

But my godmother replies to this post saying “So you’re asexual now?” which sounds somewhat passive aggressive to me but she’s over fifty so I ignore that and recall the fact that she does in fact have a gay niece and is decidedly more liberal than my parents, with whom she is good friends. 

I proceed to explain all about my asexuality and my aromanticism and how that works for me. She replies with “thank you for explaining the difference” or something, and the conversation is dropped. I heave a sigh of relief and move on. 

Then, about a week or two later, my sister goes down with my mom to the area, and they see her. Now my sister was only privy to this information because she happened to be in the room but my apparently godmother was talking about me and said something like “[husband] just had to put up with me” and “that’s just like me.” 

So of course now, my sister and I are Thinking, because she hasn’t, to my knowledge, pursued anyone since her husband died in his 30s? 40s? and that was a long time ago. Everything was making too much sense but nothing was confirmed and obviously we weren’t about to go talking about it to all and sundry. 

Then today, she comes over, and starts asking me IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS, why people use labels and why there are so many. And like I’m technically out to my parents but like I don’t usually talk about it in front of them so I am absolutely living for this, because it’s hilarious and I’m explaining that you know it’s a communication thing and it helps us find one another and feel more connected and like you can use them if you want but they’re really tools that one can use or one can not etc, and THEN I got confirmation that she was in fact asexual, or somewhere on the spectrum at least, so that was exciting 

and then we were laughing because out of her 15 or so godchildren, at least six are queer, and then there’s her gay niece and she was saying it must be her influence and honestly I am living for this

#asexual

[skyler10fic]

Reveal - Ch. 1: The Machine

By Skyler10

Summary: It is time for Carol, Daisy, Jemma, and Fitz to finally find out the secret behind the Secret Warriors program they signed up for when they entered Carter Academy last year to become Shield agents. But Daisy and Carol have another secret they must share with each other—and the world—before it tears them apart.

Notes: This is the third in my The Family Secret series. You don't have to read that one first, but you might enjoy the build-up more if you do. There is a time jump here to their second year at Carter Academy. Get ready for the mutual pining to begin! :D

Read on Ao3

They were finally alone, just the two of them in the woods, by the campfire, under the stars. Carol leaned in, eyes flicking to Daisy’s lips, ready and waiting to close the distance. Just a few inches. But Daisy was frozen. She couldn’t move in, no matter how hard she tried. Carol’s eyes opened and she began to fade away. “No, come back!” Daisy called. But with a sad smile, Carol turned ghostly translucent and was whisked away, into the air, disappearing completely with a tiny wave goodbye. 

Daisy groaned as her alarm woke her from The Dream—the same dream she’d been having for over a year, increasing in frequency over the summer while Daisy was interning at the Triskelion with Shield communications and Carol was learning the basics of piloting at a special program in New Mexico. Now, though, they were back at Carter Academy for year 2 of their training to be Shield agents, and the semester was busier than ever with homework, projects, tests, and the Secret Warriors program.

Daisy fumbled for her phone to stop the too-happy too-early sounds and sighed. She hadn’t imagined it. They had nearly kissed on that fateful camping trip before they exposed John Garrett and brought down Pantheon. They nearly kissed again a few months later, in the snow just before Christmas, and then when they reunited after the winter holidays. And again at the formal dinner and dance following their promotion to cadet status at the end of their freshman year. Each time, they were interrupted or the timing wasn’t right or one of them was called away or their friends or family arrived. There were also a few times sparring in the gym when it probably would have happened if they had been alone.  

Communication was frustratingly vague. They were clearly a pair but not officially anything other than friends. Others assumed they were a matching set, like their best friends, Jemma Simmons and Leo Fitz, whom people had started referring to as FitzSimmons. It was different for Daisy and Carol though. When Jemma and Fitz began dating officially, no one was surprised. For Daisy and Carol, people were more likely to describe them as “like sisters!” than assume they were a romantic couple. 

Daisy knew Carol had dated Maria Rambeau in high school, so she was sure Carol was at least out to herself as somewhere on the spectrum of queerness. But she hadn’t said anything about it since starting at Carter, and she didn’t exactly have rainbows on every surface. This line of pondering made Daisy pick up her phone again. She scrolled through photos Carol had sent her over the summer while they were apart, trying to find even the most subtle hint or Pride flag in the background or a signal somehow that she was ready to be publicly out.

As for Daisy herself, every time she thought about coming out, her stomach turned in knots. Biphobia was still real, of course, but the rational part of her knew she didn’t have to be nervous to tell the people who really mattered to her. Carter had sponsored Pride events, and Shield was fully supportive of queer agents. Her family, too, she was fairly sure would be fine. They had LGBTQIA+ friends and colleagues, at least. And she couldn’t picture any of her friends having a problem with it. Still, she hesitated. She should probably start with her parents. But how?

Oh. Parents. Daisy nearly dropped her phone on her face as she realized. What if the reason Carol didn’t talk about being gay was that she wasn’t out to her parents? Or she was, and it had gone horribly wrong? 

She sent Carol a quick good morning text with a sleepy puppy GIF and hummed a little laugh when she received a GIF back of a grumpy Garfield with a giant coffee cup.

“You’re going to be late!” Jemma called from the other room. 

“Getting up now!” Daisy called back.

They were lucky. The two of them lived together on campus, but the sophomore dorms were more like small apartments. The presence of a faculty-in-residence and an upperclassman RA down the hall helped their parents come around to letting Jemma out of the more restrictive freshman dorm life and letting Daisy leave home, though being 17 and 18, that was still a big step for their parents to let their little girls a bit further out of the nest. 

Fitz had been assigned to a similar apartment, but with random roommates: a hottie named Trevor and his dorky best friend, Deke. Fitz and Trevor got along alright, but Deke was another story, so Fitz spent most of his time at the girls’ apartment or in the SciTech labs. 

On the other end of the spectrum of independence, 19-year-old Carol lived in a two-story historic (aka run-down) house with some of the other pilots and flight crew in training closer to the stop for the bus that ran to the hangers. They joked that the house was like a sorority, but one solely made up of astrophysics nerds, military kids, aerospace engineers, and ROTC officers. 

The first thing they had on their schedule in the morning, however, was the Secret Warriors Program. 

The Dream was still on Daisy’s mind as she and Jemma made their way across campus to the secret gym. 

“... but Fitz did it anyway, of course. You know him. So you can guess how that went over with the professor.” Jemma stopped her story and glanced over to Daisy as they walked. “Are you listening or are you somewhere else?” 

“Sorry.” Daisy grimaced. “I didn’t get any of that.” 

“It’s alright,” Jemma sighed. “Just helps to talk it out anyway. I still don’t understand why the particles reacted, but I do feel better about it. What’s got you so preoccupied?” 

“Me? Nothing. I just… had a weird dream.” Daisy caught sight of Carol walking toward them, gym bag at her side, early morning light making her hair glow golden, looking naturally flawless even before 7 a.m. As she always did. 

Daisy accidentally let out an audible sigh, and Jemma shook her head.

Daisy caught her look. “What?” 

“Nothing!” Jemma held up her hands in innocence. 

“Hey!” Carol called out and met up with them, ending any further inquiries into dreams or facial expressions. Daisy held back the urge to take her hand as they finished the walk to the Secret Warriors building. Just like she did every day. 

-------- 

Today was different in one respect, at least. Instead of having them suit up in their workout clothes or sending each to their specialized training stations, Agent Bobbi Morse instructed them to take a seat on folding chairs around a big black storage box that sat on a metal table in the middle of the gym. 

Agent Morse had been made the Program assistant director in their freshman year after being reassigned to Carter while recovering from an injury and Agent Gordon’s duties took him elsewhere for the year. She’d apparently succeeded by every metric, though whatever those were, the cadets couldn’t tell. So far there had been more secrets than answers in the Program. Maybe today this black box held some answers. If not, it was just another weird day at their weird spy college.  

“Each of you is like this box,” Agent Morse began as she circled between their ring of chairs and the box at the center. “We don’t know what’s inside you, but it holds great potential. Is it something extraordinary? Something lethal? Something useful? Something beautiful? Regardless, only you can decide how you use it.”

Daisy’s stomach tightened. That statement wasn’t entirely true. Ever since she’d chosen Shield as her future, the hopes for her potential had piled high. She could see it in her parents’ eyes but also in all those who knew she was their daughter. Not only was she a “legacy” cadet but one whose parents were high-ranking agents, at least before they had come to teach here themselves. Her dad was permanently assigned here as a history professor, but her mom was only teaching survivorship and martial arts classes while she recovered from injuries, the same as Agent Morse. One day, they would be back out in the field, saving the world. For all of these heroes to look to Daisy as the next generation was an honor, of course, but it also made her anxious. What if she wasn’t who they thought she was? What if what was inside her metaphorical inner black box was something unremarkable—or worse, something destructive or broken? 

“Johnson!” Agent Morse barked, causing Daisy to zone back in with a blush. She’d missed whatever Agent Morse had been saying for the last minute or so. But Morse wasn’t calling her out. She was calling on her in the same way the rest of them did. To prove her leadership and capability. Daisy always rose to the occasion, as expected. 

Agent Morse continued. “Open the box and tell us only what you see inside, not what you assume it to be or what it might be or what you fear it to be, but only the evidence you see before you.” 

Daisy nodded and complied. It took a bit of effort to pop open the latches keeping it closed, but the lid lifted easily after that. “I see… a machine? It has a purple circle in the middle and blue crystals on the outside.” 

“Metal?” Agent Morse asked.

“Some sort of … silver?” Daisy guessed and looked up to meet her instructor’s piercing blue eyes. Luckily, they brightened. 

“No, but it’s enough for now to just describe the appearance. Some day you may be in the field, facing something you know nothing about and have to describe it to a fellow agent back in the lab.” She nodded to Jemma. “Simmons, based on what your colleague in the field is describing, what conclusions can you draw?” 

Jemma tried not to look too bewildered. “There’s a million questions I would need answered before I could even attempt—”

“Ask then.” Morse gestured to Daisy and the box. 

 “Alright.” Jemma sat up straighter. “Shape and size?” 

“About a foot all the way around, with metal arms? I guess?” Daisy offered the best she could. This thing looked nothing like any machine she’d ever known “The arms are coming up from the base, with the purple thing underneath.” 

Agent Morse interrupted with a static Schhh sound and spoke into an imaginary walkie-talkie in her hand. “Agent Johnson, this is Control. The building is set to collapse and hostiles are on the way. You need to identify the item in 60 seconds before you have to get your team out.” 

Daisy’s heart rate sped up, not because of the imaginary scenario but because she had had a taste of having to escape before in real life, to get a team out under pressure, not knowing if the enemy was behind them. She caught Carol’s knowing eyes. What would Carol say to do? She’d say to play to her strengths. Carol tapped her front pocket with the outline of her phone showing through the fabric. Communications. Daisy didn’t know this tech, but she did know her own tools. 

Daisy whipped her phone out of her pocket and, within seconds, sent Jemma a photo of what she saw in the box before Agent Morse realized what was happening. 

“Incoming data transfer,” Daisy hinted, holding up her phone for Jemma to see. 

“Oh!” Jemma pulled hers out of her bag. “That is helpful. Thank you, Agent Johnson. Safe travels to you and the team and we’ll see you back at HQ shortly.” She finished her role-playing before seriously examining the photo. 

“That’s cheating,” Agent Morse countered in a dry tone. Her expression didn’t look angry, however. If anything she was amused and trying not to show it. 

“That’s communications,” Daisy countered. She stood at attention, waiting to be dismissed back to her seat and eager to find out what the machine actually did now that the object lesson was over. 

“Agent Johnson,” Agent Morse began again, “your orders have changed. The item’s container is damaged and stuck. You can’t take it with you. But you need to recover the item itself and bring it back to the lab for your team to study. Retrieve the item.” 

Daisy peered back into the box, planning how best to grab it without dropping it. It didn’t look exceptionally heavy, but she knew part of the lesson was that looks could be deceiving. 

Behind Daisy’s back, Jemma saw Agent Morse’s raised eyebrow as Daisy raised her hands to reach into the box. 

“Wait!” Jemma cried out. “I haven’t identified if it’s safe to touch. It could injure you or worse if you make contact with the wrong part.” 

“10 points to SciTech!” Agent Morse crowed. “Exactly. You don’t know if this device is going to be 100 pounds or trip a bomb or burn your skin. The clock’s still ticking, though. What’s it going to be, Agent Johnson?” 

Never before had Daisy wished she had a claw from a toy machine she could control with a joystick. Or maybe a selfie stick with a hinged metal hand. Or … she couldn’t tech her way out of this one. She had no viable ideas.

Agent Morse started a countdown. “10… 9… 8… c’mon Johnson, the whole place is crashing down around you and you’ve got a team to get out of here, what’s it going to be… 7… 6… you’ve come all this way for nothing if this machine doesn’t make it back … 5… 4… 3…” 

Daisy’s gaze flicked up from the box to Carol, who watched in anticipation. 

“2…”

Daisy snatched the machine by one of its metal arms and slid the other hand under the base to steady it. 

She turned around to defiantly face Agent Morse, holding the machine up for her classmates to see in full what she’d been unable to describe. At least now they believed her that it was bizarre.

“Good work, Johnson. At great personal risk, you saved the day and completed your mission. You may return to your seat.” She gestured for Daisy to place the device on the metal table. “FitzSimmons, you’re up.”

Daisy collapsed onto the chair and caught her breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding as her two science-minded friends argued over the machine’s potential purpose and structure. Others joined them at the table until the whole class was involved in speculation, with Agent Morse guiding them through the process of deduction. Except Carol, still beside Daisy and watching with concern as Daisy didn’t join in the huddle. 

“Hey, you okay?” Carol placed a hand on her knee. 

“Hmm? Yeah. Just…” Daisy sighed. “That’s the job, isn’t it? Lives on the line, decisions to make, never knowing if you’re doing the right thing until you’ve done it.” 

“Yeah.” Carol nodded. “Maybe not every day though. All jobs get boring over time. Some day we’re going to be like, ‘oh, another mystery machine, can’t we get some variety around here? Mondays, right?’” 

Daisy laughed, as was Carol’s intention. “Thank you. For the phone thing. And for being there, even if you don’t say anything, just having you there… anyway. Thanks.” 

“Always.” It sounded like a promise. Daisy desperately wanted to believe it would be true. 

They were pulled from the moment by Agent Morse relenting. 

“Alright, alright, that’s enough! Props to Diaz for her suggestion that it is one device in a pair, Fitz for noticing the air propulsion and heat chambers, and Gutierrez for correctly identifying the on/off switch. Everyone back to your seats.”

The gymnasium settled back down into silence. All the cadets waited on the edge of their seats for the reveal. 

Out of nowhere, a knife flew over the heads of the cadets directly at Agent Morse. To their shock and awe, she caught it by the handle with hardly a blink. All heads turned to the dark corner the knife was thrown from. 

“Hello, sweetheart.” A ruggedly handsome man with an English accent and his hands in the pockets of his black jacket swaggered forward. 

All heads turned to Agent Morse to determine whether they were under attack or expecting a guest. Their curiosity only increased as she winked flirtatiously at him.  

“Class, this is Lance Hunter. He’s here to help demonstrate.”

He circled behind them, and Agent Morse mirrored his movements in front of them, making for a dizzying moment for the cadets. It reminded Daisy of two predators facing off. Or perhaps the world’s strangest mating ritual. 

The show continued as Lance Hunter dodged and Agent Morse pursued out of the circle into an open part of the gym. The tables turned as he threw three more knives at her in quick succession, and she caught each one easily. She turned to show off the knives to the riveted class and threw them into a target on the opposite wall, hitting the bullseye effortlessly. While she was distracted, he snuck up behind her to attack. But she was too quick and had him pinned on the floor in seconds. He grinned and stretched up to peck a kiss to her cheek. 

“Not in front of the kids, Hunter,” she teased and rolled her eyes. She helped him up and he took a showman’s deep bow. 

The class erupted in applause, but they were still confused. 

“I don’t think they got it, love,” Hunter said to Agent Morse. He spoke slowly to all of them, “Reflexes. She’s supernaturally, abnormally fast with the reflexes. You’re future Shield agents! Didn’t any of you pick up on that?” 

Fitz looked to the machine, still on the metal table. Daisy could almost hear the gears turning in his mind as he worked out what they were all missing. 

“Are… are you saying that…” Fitz pointed to the machine, “gave you…” he trailed off, gesturing to the target with the knives in the center. 

Jemma saw where he was going and leaned forward, gripping the edge of her chair, unsure of whether to run from the machine in fear or to it in fascination. “The crystals are heated and release a gas—”

“We call it the mist.” Agent Morse resumed her place in the middle of the circle, near the machine. She was done with theatrics. It was time for them to finally find out the secret behind the Secret Warriors. “You may have heard rumors on campus that each future agent receives a gift that they have their fourth year to hone and perfect. Usually these are amplified abilities that they already possess. For example, Professor Phil Johnson,” she nodded in Daisy’s direction, “has an extraordinary memory. Others might receive enhanced intelligence, courage, empathy, wisdom, deduction, deception. Useful qualities for a spy, but maybe not what you think of when you picture superpowers.”

Daisy’s heart was in her throat. This was it. The confirmation of her theory all along. 

“Ten years ago, I was selected for a special program, just like all of you. Instead of going through the mist in my fourth year, I and a dozen of my peers were chosen to receive our gifts earlier. In our second year. Our gifts were different than the rest.” 

Agent Morse paused, looking around the circle at their young faces, so eager to begin the adventure she’d been beaten up by, to the point she’d been taken out of the field to be here. Daisy remembered her in her hospital bed, the way she’d been so desperate for them to warn Hunter, who now stood behind them, safe and healthy but with a haunted shadow in his eyes when he thought no one was looking. 

“These gifts require discipline,” Agent Morse continued, leaning back on the metal table. “They don’t come easily. Unfortunately. We don’t get to choose, and they can be hard to accept. But, it’s worth it.” She met Carol’s eyes, seeming to answer the unasked question there. “If I had to go back? I’d do it again in a heartbeat. It’s like I said. You’re the black box. We don’t know what’s inside. But when you go through the mist, it’s yours. You just have to decide what to do with it.” 

Jemma raised her hand and Agent Morse called on her. “Why us? We were chosen before we even started classes last year. All we’ve been doing is training, but we don’t know what for. How were we selected?” 

Agent Morse sighed and sent Jemma a sad smile, knowing it was exactly what Jemma didn’t want to hear. “That’s classified.” 

Daisy scrunched her brow. “Classified? That’s your answer. It’s classified?” she spoke in frustration without being called on. “It’s our future. You can’t just say that’s classified. We deserve to know.” 

Hunter chuckled in the back. “I like this one.” 

Agent Morse ignored him but held her ground against Daisy’s rising anger. “I know. Welcome to Shield.” 

“But—” Daisy didn’t get to finish her question before Agent Morse straightened and raised her voice. 

“Class dismissed.” 

A buzz sounded over the gym intercom letting them know they had five minutes to make it to their next class on their schedule. 

Daisy burst out of the gym doors. “Complete bullshit. We’ve been at this for over a year. And we have three more to go. They can at least tell us why we were chosen for it.” 

“Daisy,” Jemma soothed. “You were right though, on the bright side. It was exactly as you said!” 

This only fueled Daisy’s need for answers.  

“My dad!” A light bulb went off in Daisy’s runaway train of thought. “He knows. I’ll talk to him, make him think that we know, and maybe he’ll reveal something new.” 

The other three struggled to keep up with Daisy’s speedwalking now that she had a goal in mind. 

“Hey.” Carol caught up with her and stopped her, placing her hands on Daisy’s shoulders. She whispered so only the two of them could hear. “It doesn’t matter. We’re getting superpowers. Like, cool ones. Not just a really good memory or pure heart or whatever. Who knows, maybe we’ll be able to fly or get super strength or something. Leap tall buildings in a single bound!”   

As usual, it was Carol who was able to make Daisy smile again and relax. She was right. What did it matter how they were chosen? 

“If it makes you feel better, though,” Carol offered. “I can ask your dad. I have office hours with him this afternoon anyway to talk about a paper I wrote and it’ll be less obvious if it’s coming from me. He knows you too well.” 

How could she say no to the walking sunshine that was Carol Danvers? 

“Okay, just be cool about it, yeah? We can’t let him suspect.”

“Me? I’m always cool.” Carol sent Daisy a wink and nearly melted her on the spot. 

Daisy trusted Carol more than anyone, but plans still formed in her mind as to how to access at least her own student files on the Carter system without being caught or denied access—or expelled.

#skywriting #daisy johnson #carol danvers #phil coulson #melinda may #aos #agents of shield #captain marvel #marvel #jemma simmons #leo fitz #philinda #philindaisy #fitzsimmons #daisy x carol #carol x daisy #aos au #agents of shield au #slow burn #mutual pining #college au #shield academy #university au #adventure #friends to lovers #superpower au #lgbtq fic #wlw

[kiytan]

So we watched The Marvels (2023). Yeah, that film with Captain Marvel, Ms Marvel and Spectrum; apparently that came out in NOVEMBER, and has now hit streaming. Disney just left this out to die and did 0 advertising for it and it seems nobody watched it.

Overall I think it was a very fun film, with a few big weaknesses. If you like MCU stuff, it's absolutely worth a watch, then again I liked antman 3 and hated the loki tv series, so my opinion is apparently wrong.

More detailed thoughts (and spoilers) below

So there is a *bunch* of stuff that has happened off-screen at the start of this film, that (as far as I can remember) hasn't happened in another marvel film/tv show, we're just expected to magically know it has:

The Kree had (/are having) a civil war

Carol destroyed the supreme intelligence

The Skrulls have an emperor, and at least 1 planet.

Nick Fury lives in space now, and founded&runs S.A.B.E.R

All of that is just stuff you should know, somehow.

The villain is a kree accuser whose name I've already forgotten, she's a boring version of Ronan - and Ronan wasn't exactly exciting to begin with. But at least Lee Pace was chewing the scenery. It feels here like the actress is going for it 100%, but that's still 200% short of where the scenery chewing, cackling villain energy needs to be.

The rest of the cast do a good job, and Iman Vellani continues to be great as Kamala, and her family steal most scenes they're in.

The CG overall is good, and feels like it's actually needed.

The fight choreography is mostly really solid, and has some creative uses of powers.

There is a scene with the flerken(s) I won't spoil, but absolutely give a raise to whoever decided to play that song - it's a very, very funny scene.

Now nowhere in the film does it say Carol is queer. At no point is it stated clearly that she's into women. She just, you know, lived with and had a close relationship with Monica's mum for a number of years, and is "old friends" with Valkyrie. Oh yeah, that's another thing we're just expected to know, she's been...friends...with Valkyrie for years, apparently. Was this just an excuse to get Tessa Thompson to turn up in a suit? possibly. again, the film isn't saying anything, it's just thinking it really rather loudly.

And in a highlight of how few people saw this film: it has some x-men in it. Sure it's because a character gets shunted to a parallel universe, but they wake up to find a well designed, but badly CG'd Beast (voiced by Kelsey Grammer) and an alternate version of themselves looking after them. Which means somebody writing it has read a comic with sword in. Which also means we're one step closer to getting Abigail Brand in the MCU, and that's exciting.

Overall it's a fun film, that wants to have fun and it seems like the people involved in it are having fun. Why this was left to rot but secret invasion was pushed so hard, I'll never know.