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#like im sure we ALL have opinions about this
genderkoolaid · 3 days
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expand on ur "mental asylum Marxism shit" thing about children & grief?? from what you've said im pretty sure i will relate from my own experiences as a grieving child. also it sounds interesting!!
so i was thinking about how weird it is that, when a child has to deal with the death of a loved one, they say something like "no child should have to go through this! no child should have to even think about death!" which strikes me as weird because i was a child who dealt with the deaths of multiple close family members, very close together. the first was my great-grandmother, who i lived with and who was my best friend. death was never foreign to me (my mom has always been very death-positive on top of all that). grief was just part of my life like everything else was.
but i realized that its because people think childhood should not have any flaws. you should be 100% happy and fulfilled all the time. any time a child experiences anything painful, its bad. not "children should have access to love and support," but "children should not have basic life experiences because the idea of childhood being anything other than fluffy purity scares me."
because children in society are fundamentally not people. especially in a society structured around christian beliefs in natural law theory, that what is natural = what is good, healthy, and Divinely commanded. so on top of children being the property of adults, they are also forced to be the symbols of Nature. whatever is the most useful to whoever needs them. which means we built up this idea of children as tabula rasas, pureness incarnate. like a magic mirror where if we look into it, we'll be able to catch a glimpse of the true face of humanity. every single thing children do can be scrutinized for some grand truth about humans as a whole. and then, the ways children are treated also reflect how we think humanity should interact with its own nature.
example: the idea of humanity as inherently sinful and wicked, with that urge needing to be suppressed through state violence (hello hobbes) = the idea that children are annoying and shitty on purpose and need to be forced via punishment into being Good Citizens.
this is also why children cannot be trans, even though all trans people must prove that we were trans children. being queer must be unnatural; and even if not, its inherently sexual, and sexuality is dirty and bad. so children can't be trans, and they also can't read books on puberty until their parents decide when and what exactly they are allowed to learn. child victims of sexual assault only matter to the extent that they can be used as a symbol of a cultural threat; calling Jewish or trans people pedophiles means saying that they are foreigners attacking basic human nature, and indirectly, Divine command. if you aren't the right kind of victim, or when you inevitably reveal yourself to be A Person with complicated experiences and opinions, you are no longer of use to the agenda.
it sucks that bad things happen to anyone. aspects of youth can exacerbate the pain sometimes, but sometimes it does the reverse: I wish I could have spent more time with the family members I lost, but I know other people who are glad they loss family members young, because they weren't really hurt by it. I think the main thing is that, even sometimes when we talk about our past selves, we project this cultural idea of Child As Purity and ignore the actual person having the experience. when we "empathize" with children by projecting Purity onto them, we aren't actually connecting with them.
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Die For You (Chapter 2)
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summary: following your encounter in that dark alley, you're faced with your old love. will you have the strength to stand up to him?
rating: T
word count: 2.1k
pairing: astarion x you (fem!reader)
cw: kidnapping, reader is shackled for a while, starvation (both imposed by captor and self-imposed), manipulation.
a/n: a shorter chapter and no funny business this time around cause we gotta focus on the development of their relationship while reader is in captivity. also! look out for the additional a/n at the end of the chapter! im undecided on where i want to take this so i want all of your opinions !!
previous chapter
read on ao3
or keep reading down below~
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I fell in love with someone
I don’t know
Anymore, anymore
Sometimes I wonder if you
Think of me
Anymore, anymore
-
You can't make much of what happened after he appeared. You were too shocked by the presence of your past lover to acknowledge whoever cast sleep on you, knocking you unconscious at your most vulnerable moment. Cowards. When you awaken, you’re shackled, hanging to a wall in a dark cell. You pull against the restraints to no avail; you were securely locked in.
Your struggling must’ve made too much noise, as not long afterwards, the door opens wide, revealing Astarion, alone. He was standing proud in lavish clothing, different from the ones you had seen him in at the party a few days ago, but just as proper. As much as these last few months had been awful to you, it seemed like they had been the best in his last 200 years of existence. He approaches you slowly, head held high and arms crossed in his back.
“How’s your head, my dear?”
Hearing his voice again for the first time in months triggers a wave of emotions within you. Hurt, hatred, longing… lust. You shake them away as best as you can before questioning him.
“Why did you bring me here, Astarion?”
“Why, I simply wanted to talk,” he says, his tone annoyingly playful.
“Was the kidnapping and shackles really necessary?” You slightly pull against them again to make your point; you can barely move in this condition.
“Can you blame me? Seeing how you ignored me so easily all night, and the fury in which you provoked my servants, I doubted you were going to follow me here willingly.”
You close your eyes and sigh, dropping your head, discouraged.
“Plus,” he adds, “I couldn’t take the chance to have you run out on me. I let you go once, it’s not a mistake I’ll be doing again.”
You chuckle, somehow finding a way to laugh at the situation as you raise your head back to meet his gaze. “I notice that your inability to move on wasn’t part of the many things that changed after your ascension.” 
He smiles back, amused by your wits. “I only kept the best parts, as you can see. Besides, I know you've been missing me just as much.”
“You're so full of yourself.”
“Am I? Were you not alone and miserable for all these months? Or did my spawns lie to me?”
“Wait… You’ve been spying on me?!” You exclaim in disbelief.
“Well, someone had to make sure you weren't off to get yourself killed in some stupid way.” 
You scoff, offended at this image he had of you. “I can handle my own, thank you.”
“And yet, my servants had no problems cornering you in a dark alley.” 
You open your mouth as you're about to answer back when you find yourself at a loss for words. He got you there, the prick. He notices your silence and sighs before commenting on your state.
“For someone who’s been wanting me ever since we parted, you keep playing hard to get, my dear.”
“Oh please, how am I ‘hard to get’? Hells, I was actively trying to forget about you, I never wanted to see you again. But no, you– you had to go after me.” The irony of the situation makes you laugh some more. “You have everything you’ve ever dreamed of and yet, you still couldn’t find someone new to replace me.”
He laughs lightly. “I’ve only ever wanted you, my treasure. And now,” he walks towards you with a languid pace, his hand reaching for your chin, lifting it to meet his gaze, “You're finally where you belong, where you should have always been in the first place.”
You snap your head out of his grasp. “Shackled at your feet?” You spit out.
He forcefully brings back your gaze on him, his nails grazing your cheeks, making you hiss. “By my side.” He looks at your bared teeth, smiling. “You will make a deadly consort, that I'm sure of.”
Your eyes widen as you understand the implication, and your voice rises as the fear starts to set in. “I’ll NEVER agree to this.” 
He tilts your head aside and leans in the crook of your exposed neck, his breath hot against your skin. “You don't have to. I can just take what's rightfully mine.” he whispers and that last word sends a chill down your spine.
You struggle in his grasp, trying to pull your neck away as you shout. “Don’t you DARE!”
He chuckles to himself. “Oh, don't you worry, I intend on making sure you deserve it before we get there.” He releases your face coldly but doesn’t move away from you. “But where are my manners? I almost forgot; I meant to invite you to eat.”
“I would rather starve,” you declare, leaning into that last word.
He sighs, seemingly growing tired of your attitude. “Fine, do as you wish,” he says, walking away from you. 
He leaves and you’re left on your own for Gods know how long. You spend those first hours trying to free yourself still and eventually give up when you start to feel the bruises on your wrists. You drift in and out of consciousness, fatigue affecting you more with every hour that passes. Without any source of light, it’s nearly impossible for you to tell how much time had gone by since the night you were captured. But, judging by the growling of your stomach, at least a full day had gone by, maybe even two. Your arms and legs were starting to give out on you as well, when the door before you opened to a spawn you didn't recognize. 
“Lord Ancunín invites you to dinner,” he says, composed.
“You can tell him to fuck off.” Your words don’t have the intended effect as they’re told with a shaky voice. In truth, you would kill for just a piece of bread right about now, but you would let yourself die before you complied to Astarion.
“I'm afraid that's not an option.”
Two more spawns appear behind him, and you instantly understand where this is going; this wasn't a request, it was an order. You're unshackled, although the spawns’ grips were so strong, you didn’t notice a difference, and were guided out of your cell. You reach an immense dining room, where Astarion has been waiting for you, a gold cup already to his lips. Knowing him, you suppose it’s either blood or fine wine, not that you care either way. You sink into the chair positioned at your end of the table, eyeing the food before you suspiciously. 
“Don't worry, I wouldn't dream of poisoning you. I only want what’s best for my dearest consort.”
You scoff, briefly eyeing Astarion who is sitting opposite of you before turning your attention to the contents between the two of you. You would lie to yourself if you said you weren't starving. The food laid out on the table looked delicious. The table was filled with different plates of food, each one looking better than the previous, making your stomach growl in appetite. You could practically drool all over the place, but you didn’t want to give Astarion the satisfaction of seeing you cave in. Not yet, not so soon. You wouldn’t let him get the best of you. 
Astarion quickly understands your intentions, with you staring right back at him, and he sighs, rolling his eyes.
“It wouldn’t be wise to let yourself starve, pet. You wouldn’t want to waste all this delicious food, would you? Don’t be shy, at least take a bite.”
You're tempted, but against your better judgement, you ignore the mouth-watering meal, crossing your arms in defiance. He rolls his eyes, matching your attitude.
“As you wish.”
He snaps his fingers and the two spawns that brought you here move towards you, reaching for your arms. You stand up abruptly, pulling away from them in a defensive stance. Astarion speaks up, and you can practically hear the smile in his voice.
“Come on now, my lovely assistants only want to bring you back to your cell for the night.”
“I know the way.”
“I insist.”
Your fatigue and hunger get the best of you; you simply don’t have the energy to fight. 
“Fine.”
“That’s my girl.”
You hate the effect he still has on you. He knows just what to say to get to you.
You shoot him a deadly glare and feel your breathing quickening as your heart races with anger and your nails dig through your palms. He smiles pretentiously at you, and you’re overcome with thoughts of jumping onto him and punching his stupid face, making him regret everything he’s done to you these last few days. If it wasn’t for the awful twist in your gut, you might have. You shut your eyes closed as you look away, frowning, before you start walking away and the two vampire spawns accompany you to your cell, where you let yourself slouch over the rock wall. At least, they didn't restrain you again.
Once again alone with your thoughts, your mind drifts to your companions. Specifically Shadowheart; would she still be waiting for you? Would she be looking for you? You wish you had a way to contact her, let her know you need help. Your thoughts are interrupted by a stabbing feeling in your gut, again. Maybe you should’ve taken a bite, just a small one, just to keep you going… No, this was a game to him, you needed to hold on. The pain is good, you try to convince yourself, it’s a reminder that I’m alive, mortal, and I’ll fight to keep it that way as long as I can. 
Another wretched tenday passes and you avoid the food still. Every day follows the same routine: you’re woken up, Astarion’s spawns bring you to the large dining room where you’ll refuse to eat anything, until he gets bored of your attitude and you’ll be brought back to your cell, three times a day. You sense how Astarion is getting annoyed at you, and it strengthens your resolve. However, you hate to admit it, but you’re becoming weaker and weaker. You spend most of the passing days asleep, unable to think straight through your hunger, and too exhausted to do anything else. 
Finally, you cave in.
As you're brought to the dining room for dinner, your gaze falls upon your favourite meal, presented before you. For the first time in days, your façade breaks down, you have eyes for nothing else other than the meal in front of you. Had this been given to you on the first day, you would’ve gladly turned it down, but you didn’t have that kind of resolve anymore. Astarion snaps you out of your reverie by mentioning the name of the plate, and you raise your eyes to meet his.
“You had asked me what my favourite meal was and I couldn’t remember.” His tone is gentle. “It had been so long that everything tasted like garbage. Even wine tasted like pure vinegar. It frustrated me. That’s when you told me about yours: Baldurian Mash. You described it in such great detail, I could almost taste it myself.” He pauses, and you look up to meet his gaze. “I wanted to give you what I couldn't have. A chance to remember.”
You can’t stop the tears from swelling up. You’re famished, completely drained, and mentally spent; this was the last straw. You grab the gold-plated utensil with a shaky hand and dig into the plate, shoving that first bite in your mouth. It’s even better than you remember it. You chew on that first bite longer than necessary, relishing the taste of the meal. It’s comforting, filling, it tastes like home; it’s everything you’ve wanted and more. You are so hungry that you end up ravishing the rest of it, barely taking the time to savour it properly past that first mouthful. Your belly growls, this time content with the food you finally gave it. After so many days resting on an empty stomach, you can't afford to eat anything else. You smile unconsciously as you lay back in your chair, satisfied with your meal, before getting up to leave, following the usual routine.
You stop in your tracks near the door and slightly turn around towards the ascendant, pausing before the words escape your lips.
“Thank you.”
As you walk away, you miss the devilish grin forming on his lips.
Everything was going perfectly according to his plan.
-
Familiar faces that look like you
They tend to
Mess with my head just like it's deja vu
It's always
Right when I think I’m getting over you
That it feels
Like I have salt inside an open wound
A/N²: POLL TIME
i already have another chapter written which wont be affected by this poll. BUT for the chapters that will follow, i need a direction since its going to change how i approach the writing (dialogues and important actions are going to be different based on the outcome)
i do have an idea for each option, i just need to know whats the vibe cause i cant decide myself (bisexual moment)
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woellow · 26 days
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Who sleeps in the middle?
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kicktwine · 9 months
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the problem is I’m such a staunch believer in the slow buildup, the earnest enjoyment of meandering through terrible story decisions and weird nothing subplots to build up into a conclusion that explodes out from all that as fantastic storytelling and intrigue based on all that buildup, such that it makes it necessary to get through all that or you’re missing something essential, that I’m also a terrible person to talk to about what makes a story good. I can tell you plenty of what actually makes something tight and well-written and all that technical speak but how could anyone take my advice when I so so so love excruciatingly long unnecessarily complex fumbling and weird nonsense that spirals into, inexplicably, weird nonsense that makes you cry your lungs sore
#kipspeak#my point being everyone is too mean about post arr. sure f’lhammin did not have to be our problem but everything after that was like#meandering. Thinking. building. unnerving. they were cooking and i RESPECT their dubious food#i love homestuck and long audio dramas and dnd podcasts and indecipherable fancomics and lego ninjas and khux and im starting to love ffxiv#all incredibly long and made with passion and kinda weird and hard to get into#said with THE MOST affection in my heart#I could structure a kids show and I know how to write for tv but in my heart of hearts#I just want to write an impossibly long absurdity epic that is weird and a little bad and also makes you feel shrimp emotions#ALSO I feel 0% bad for not respecting ur theory or opinion if you haven’t played khux/dr/recoded I don’t feel bad about it at all I’m right#understand what’s going on in them and I’ll respect your theories. it’s like comics enjoyers but less chaotic#don’t let me get into comics. superheroes never really catch my interest but if you let me get into comics I’d explode#‘it gets really good’ is a genuine way to interest me#also don’t let me get into anime that do this. I already watched a thousand episodes of detective Conan—#maybe it’s a careful balance of weird and Good Storytelling Seeds. it has to have internal logic for one; and it has to have a structure#It has to be leading somewhere. and I want to see where it leads#we are GOING through the disney worlds. all of them. they are COOKING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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risingsunresistance · 25 days
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damn they werent kidding that reading comprehension CAN piss on the poor
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yellowocaballero · 11 months
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I just finished your New Wave fic. I’m convinced everything your write is gold. I loved your TMA fics, with the most heartbreaking demon AU imaginable and the hilarity of Fahrenheit 101. I loved your moon knight fics, starting with Steven talking to animals on the reg at work to the system growing closer with a focus on Jake, i- there’s- it’s sooo much packed into it. When I’m on burnout, of art or writing (maybe life in general at times) I revisit your work and am thrown back into a creative headspace.
You are my favorite writer, you cram so much meaning and thought into your work and it shows. The characters are dumbasses and say the most ridiculous shit and turn around the next chapter and say the most thought provoking thing, and I don’t get whiplash from it because these characters just work! They just do, and I… am very much off track!
Anyways I just got into Batman and reading your fic is fueling that flame! I can’t wait to see what you have in store next, and I shall now stalk your blog for writing tips! I hope you have a nice day broski 💙
Thank you!! This is so sweet thank you so much! This ask is so nice!
Trust me, if there's meaning then it's because I get obsessive over these fics and I massively overthink them. I honestly wish I was better at making simpler, more elegant stories. I feel like nothing I do is truly going to be good until I can find that simplicity.
"Dipshit who says stupid stuff and then turns around and spouts ridiculous philosophy" is just how I talk. But I habitually approach my life from a standpoint of finding humor in everything, if only to soften the blow. I was once told that it's really hard to tell when I'm joking, because everything I say is always half-joking and always half-serious. I feel like that's pretty evident from my narration too...
As for writing advice...um, I was just speaking about this with somebody. When you're plotting a story, the first thing I like to figure out is what I'm trying to say. Everything else should be built around that. The joy of writing is that I think we all have something we want to say, or something we want people to know, or that we have an aspect of ourselves and our lives that we want to express. Most of the time, trying to convey those things verbally just results in a frustrating approximation of your true feelings. I find that when I manage a successful story, the depth and scale of what I'm trying to impart is fully understood and felt. It's rewarding. I think if people aren't understood on some level, by somebody, they kind of die.
Thanks for the sweet ask!!
#dungeon meshi is the peak of storytelling and im not joking#my asks#my writing#(my writing tag is a good place to find my dumb essays!)#i dont consider myself a creative and i barely consider myself a writer#so i professionally have no fucking opinions on art or whatever#also im not sure you can call what i do art in like any meaningful way#but i know a lot of musicians and everything#and so much art is just a person trying to convey something that can't be conveyed through words alone#so much stuff is lost in translation between our brains and our mouths - its like translating english to a foreign language#the meaning can be conveyed but inherently it'll never capture the original meaning exactly in every way#i think art can help you achieve a more perfect translation more than anything else can#you just have to feel like that poor schmuck in j alfred prufrock all the time#'that's not what i meant at all; that is not it - not at all'#JASLKDF sorry for the pretentious tags and also pretentious essay#all i do is write fanfic i dont know shit about this tbh#i just think that idk. there's things in this world that only we know#things that only we can say or understand#and sometimes we have to say them ourselves in our own words#sometimes ppl focus too hard on making their writing sound pretty or correct or 'good'#and they dont focus as much on how pretty writing is a tool to say what youre trying to say more effectively#idk! im sorry for quoting ts eliot some things can't be forgiven etc
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months
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i just finished saw v and i don't have high hopes for the rest of the franchise (based on what ive heard) but im in too deep to stop now
#no i haven't enjoyed the last two no i don't expect to get much out of the next five or so movies. but i need to know.#i guess saw v mightve suffered bc i watched it basically immediately after iv#something i didnt do with any of the others#but i was told v was one of the good ones so i was looking forward to it. i dont think it was burnout yknow#but uh. i didn't like it. i think i liked iv more honestly. strahm and hoffman do absolutely nothing for me#i liked the traps. that was it though#it felt so pointless and empty. it was the first one where i genuinely wondered why they made it. why did they decide to keep going with#this. i think ii and iv both function more/better as setup for their following films but like. at least iii was pretty good yknow#like both amanda and hoffman's accomplicing feels kinda retconned in but at least amanda's an interesting character#what does hoffman have. what does strahm have. nothing. and no i don't think they have much in the way of homoeroticism either.#i don't tend to be so negative and im sorry if someone goes in the saw tags and feels bad about me talking shit about something they like#because i know that doesn't feel good. honestly i'd love to hear why people like v. maybe it'll change my opinion of it if i look at it a#different way yknow? but for now im just annoyed by it. iv was engaging in the moment but very forgettable#i liked riggs well enough but we barely learned a thing about him. he wasn't a deep character at all and i think that's a shame#but v was just a paperwork-based cat and mouse chase. 90 minutes and it still felt like they were wasting my time#why did strahm go to the old trap locations? i don't think he found anything out there. likr it was just a framing device for the flashback#but he didn't actually have a reason to go there. waste of my time#not an original critique im sure but saw ii on seems to be more focused on scale and layers of shit (i.e. having two games going at once)#than using the traps to examine the characters. i mean you go from two guys in a bathroom for a couple hours#learning about who they are gradually at a slow pace vs like 8 people in a house plus cop stuff plus 90 second traps of dubious fairness#hoffman has no real relationship with kramer (unlike amanda) and basically everyone who'd been following jigsaw is dead and so are jigsaw#and (presumably) amanda. what am i supposed to be here for? the vague outline of a saw trap? the type of torture happening?#im not even opposed to that per se but frankly the more they focus on the cops surrounding this shit the less fun it is#why are you making all the traps like 15 seconds long and tied to characters who aren't the primary focus. it's saw#ughh i miss adam. i miss amanda. hell i miss kramer and he was pretty present in this one (flashbackwise)#whateverrr. anyway that poll comparing chainshippng shotgunnshippng and coffinshippng where shotgun was last? lesbophobic.#im only half joking about that. im sure ppl have their reasons for coffin but i also think it's the tendency fandom bias for “two white guy#ships. but hey maybe vi and onwards will add more context to that that'll make me reconsider. i mean i wouldn't have liked the amanda#accomplice thing That much if i'd only seen ii. i think iii really makes it mesh better and it leads to fun character stuff#(though i still think i would've liked it more bc like. amanda was always grateful to jigsaw right? again hoffman comes outta nowhere)
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coldvampire · 4 months
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sometimes disability aids are things you would expect them to be, sometimes its a collective giving-in & soliciting the help of a professional organizer to tackle the massive piles of Stuff crowding the house.
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fiendishartist2 · 6 months
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*describing smth that only happens in rich areas* yeah so basically i think teachers need to punish kids more
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widevibratobitch · 7 months
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havent heard her sing the 'dignare domine' part today and i realise i may have gotten addicted to it throughout the last few days. im having withdrawal symptoms and apparently a real actual crush on this woman lord help me jesus h christ im in trouble haha
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gregmarriage · 1 year
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on a tomgreg betrayal, i honestly don’t think it will actually happen. the chances of it genuinely happening seem very slim. i think there’s probably gonna be the possibility offered to one or both of them, one or both of them will get scared the other will actually go through with it (most likely, tom will be worried that greg will turn against him somehow) honestly? i just imagine a boar on the floor style situation where it’s tense and there’s a moment where you think one of them will betray the other, but they don’t. this later solidifies their relationship and could perhaps lead into the meaty stuff, i.e, the romantic side of things.
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greatshell-rider · 2 years
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my favorite parts of nona. under a read more cuz long and i do some yelling
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[image id: Nona had never seen anyone so sad in her whole short life. It made her nearly afraid to die. “Nobody locks me up anywhere,” said Kiriona. /end id]
@ everyone calling gideon a bitch/jerk/”oh no she’s mean now”/”apparently reading her through her own/harrow’s eyes made her look better” YEAH NO SHIT SHE’S MEAN. EVERYTHING THAT IS HER SELF HAS BEEN STOLEN FROM HER. NOT EVEN HER BODY IS HER OWN. FUCK OFF LET HER BE ANGRY SHE HAS BEEN IN HELL FOR 3-4 MONTHS SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HOW LONG. SHUT UP ! you bitches and your romanticzied mental illnesses don’t know what depression does to a bitch gAH
she is the saddest girl in the whole entire world let her have a MOMENT (while i writhe on the ground in throes of agony over my girl)
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[image id: She reached out—she touched the side of the Prince’s face — they both recoiled. Kiriona Gaia recovered first. “You always said I’d come back in a box, Aiglamene,” she said lightly. “They killed you,” said Aiglamene. “Crime of opportunity,” said the corpse prince. And: “Don’t tell Crux — I absolutely, positively cannot give him the fucking satisfaction.” Aiglamene shoved her square in the chest, with the palm of one gloved hand; Kiriona tottered a little and wheezed, “Don’t — that’s where my heart used to be,” but the old soldier’s gaze had already fallen upon Nona. Nona cringed back in Pyrrha’s arms, because the expression was as bad as every single time Camilla had caught her putting a mouthful of chewed-up food in the potted plant or elsewhere. She could read this very old, very furious soldier like a book: the woman was angry, and blamed her. Kiriona Gaia could read her too, because she insinuated herself between them, and said coolly — “It’s not her, Captain — it’s only her body.” Over the Prince’s shoulder, Aiglamene looked at Nona, long and suspiciously, then she sighed, and wheeled around, and said: “Get inside. Now. Complete the gate,” she told a few of the other robed people. /end id]
THEY KILLED YOU. THAT’S WHERE MY HEART USED TO BE. (ianthe’s slap (a full lyctor’s slap) didn’t make gideon even flinch but aiglamene’s shove makes her wheeze) aiglamene knowing who to blame. her FURY. gideon putting her body between aiglamene and nona. THEY BOTH RECOILED (aiglamene from her cold corpse skin, gideon unable to bear her touch when she didn’t react even to nona kissing her)
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[image id: “But maybe we shouldn’t,” she said, holding the eyelids to that little slit — watching the onscreen scribbles flash urgently on the truck glass, watching the widening white crack, watching the river water pound itself back into the place where it wanted to be even if the River itself didn’t. “If we end here, it’ll be just like . . . a bad dream, won’t it? And maybe we’ll wake up somewhere else. I know we won’t,” she explained, “but we don’t have to know that . . . maybe if we all go, it’ll be quick.” Paul looked at her, with those dark grey-brown pupils widening, slightly. “Nona,” they said, “Noodle’s in the back.” The middle thoughts surged. The slit widened all the way. “Oh my God,” she said, in a panic. “I forgot about Noodle.” The windshield cracked all the way across the middle. Paul leant their full weight on the accelerator. Nona drove the truck home. /end id]
what you can’t do for your people, friends and family, you can do for your little beast. yeah muir gets it
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[image id: “Camilla, we did it right, didn’t we?” Palamedes said, and now Nona knew he wasn’t speaking to anyone else in the universe. “We had something very nearly perfect . . . the perfect friendship, the perfect love. I cannot imagine reaching the end of this life and having any regrets, so long as I had been allowed to experience being your adept.” [/end id]
burst into fucking tears at this part so it’s a good thing none of my roommates were home lmao. THEY DID IT RIGHT. the sheer care and utter devotion. no regrets, as long as he got to be her adept. WEEPING
#fun fact i will simply never stop thinking about no one being as sad as nona saw gideon the line fucking gutted me#the desolation of her grief. the emptiness of it. the inability to mourn everything that has been taken from her. just hollow#[beats john with a lead pipe]#and yeah that first paragraph from palamedes is what got me. not the return of 'go loud' that was cute but damn that first paragraph#'we did it right' they sure did. they really did /sobs#the respect and honor palamedes shows camilla for all that she does for him im just- WEEPS#a romance could fucking never and THAT is facts#locked tomb#nona the ninth#nona the ninth spoilers#lmao my opinion of kiriona has shifted dramatically#at first i was just horrified at what john had done to gideon's body and thought kiriona wasn't really gideon? just a puppet yknow#fucking HATED her in first house attire the white is a fucking insult. disgusting#was not sure how i felt about whatever the fuck she and ianthe has going on sldkfjsl#but saw her reaction to returning to ninth house and reuniting with aiglamene and was like. ah. okay there's a piece of her soul in harrow's#body but yeah no kiriona's gideon. this is just her new self damaged and hurt as it may be#and THEN i finish the book and hop on tumblr and find out people have been throwing shade at her now that her snarky comments suddenly aren'#aren't so fun anymore and im. WELL. well NOW i support evil fucked up angsty mean bitch gideon 10000% yall can go to hell#i hope she spits in harrow's face fuck you#sure let her autonomy and dignity and fucking body be stolen and degraded and used as a tool but gods forbid she be upset about it#:p#heaven forbid she SHOW her upset dear fucking gods that's intolerable#symptoms????? of mental illness??????? that isn't????? palatable and consumable to the audience?????? >:OOOOO OUTRAGE#gideon is the character of all time yall don't deserve to fuckin look at her#not for you
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ahalliance · 2 years
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ooo just stumbled onto a new analysis pet peeve i think . dismissing a character’s actions as “OOC” without even trying to make sense of them
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dyketubbo · 2 years
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babygirl i have so many more bitchy opinions about this fandom that even my blog followers dont hear about
#sees a post and immediately has like 5 bitchy thoughts about it like girl chill out#shoutout to the cafe who have to hear my unfiltered opinions about like fucking everything#anyways this was brought by being tired of cranboo crit at this point. idk why but it just always makes me roll my eyes#is this how ctechno enthusiasts feel /hj#i suppose i just dont see the purpose in people deciding to just randomly shit on ranboo all the time#like ok we get it you think hes a shitty writer and that yout hink his character isnt interesting. can you at least tag crit#for the love of god#this post was also brought by perhaps having Opinions about tubbo3091 and being nitpicky#for clarification i dont think its a bad blog or extremely ooc or whatever#i just never get people hailing it as the One True ctubbo interpretation when like. from what i can see the point is to be Funny#i see tubbolul as a much more in character depiction of ctubbo in an rp blog#but really in general im just tired of depictions of ctubbo being an asshole to ghostboo#thats my ultimate break off of enjoyment with ctubbo depictions is if theyre like unrelentingly an ass for ghostboo for no real reason#without like. consideration to how he actually acts which isnt like. bitchy or passive aggressive#but just vaguely distant and at times dismissive#i do think hed be kind of a dick sure but like. not by actively insulting or yelling at/about ghostboo#i think theres plenty of interesting ways to go about ctubbo being sort of a jerk to ghostboo at times#but im personally burnt out on depictions where hes actively a dick that only sees ghostboo as a big nuisance#idk exactly how to articulate it its just something that has to be done in a specific way or else i roll my eyes#mask mews#negative
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coraxaviary · 1 year
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ok so like does anyone else have the rational fear that
someone's gonna come along and mention/post/recommend/rant about their fic on tiktok or some other social media? Mostly tiktok, but I suppose there are other possibilities.
Like, I don't want random people from tiktok coming to read my stuff. I certainly don't want to ever get the attention of anyone associated with the production of these shows -- especially the actors, God forbid.
Like, oh my gosh the prospect of "blowing up" for fanart is so appealing -- like, my eyes *light up* you know what I mean -- but the thought of someone mentioning my fanfic on any other website gives me a cold sweat and heart palpitations
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yoo how do i tell my father who is very much as stubborn as one can get that i dont in fact like google and dont want to use anything from it specially google drive because i think its pretty fucking disgusting to have to give this much information about myself solely so then i can store files to a place which ill forget about in less than an hour that will most likely be monitored by google too 💖
#literally love how he just casually says 'oh i added drive to your bookmarks btw' on my fucking laptop wihout any permissions#sure they bought it therefore they can totally use it if they want#but as far as my own privacy goes i cant help but feel disgusted at how ignorant he is to my boundaries#i said i hate windows. i hate google. i hate crypto#and yet he throws it all down my throat like its normal to just ignore a persons opinion if its something you disagree on apparently#and i know it may sound petty but i just try so much to stay out of his way#not talk negatively about the things hes interested in even if its fucking crypto or whatever#but dude it makes my blood absolutely boil to see how he just doesnt give a fuck about my own personal space and belongings#its a fucking browser for fucks sake ! why should he be so annoyed at how *I* use my own things#why should he feel the need to scramble around places where hes not even supposed to be on#im a kid in their eyes but fuck it hurts to see how incompetent he thinks i am#and if he really doesnt then hes doing a pretty fucking shitty job at showing that he trusts me#as far as privacy and comfort goes im willing to listen and genuinely interested in knowing of what he knows#but as soon as he casually starts to disregard the boundaries ive tried so clearly to set then im turning a plain blind eye#we both love computers. we both are amazed by how such systems work and its connections like the internet#but its impossible to have a conversation when he wont even try to understand Why i dont like certain things and why i do things My way#i dont go around messing on his things and yet he feels so entitled to do so in mine that i just feel sick sometimes#i hate to vent here but sometimes there really is no other place where people will actually think im a fucking human being#anyway i just#idk
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