#like idk connection is just harder

[vse-kar-vem]

weekly breakdown post 😁 none of you hate me right !

#feeling a bit down ☹️ idk i just feel like #am i not social enough am i just annoying ☹️ i dont post a lot so idk what people follow me for but if i post too much am i being annoying ? #oueagh #vee rambles #like i know everyone has their own niches whatever but i don't know how you just establish connections with people so easily 💔💔 #am i brushjng people off without knowing ???? am i just prickly?????? #also as a conversationalist i know i dont have much to offer ☹️☹️ im not very funny or capable of very clever adult insights #so really im just kinda there 😞 and like i HAVE real life friends i HAVE a social circle theres no need to base my fulfilment socially on #online interactions 😭 #idk maybe its because its harder or its something i feel i cant get that makes it such like a thing that bothers me #like 7 times out of 10 if im sadposting because of that #and its really embarrassing to say that the reason all these like moments of insecurity happen is because my mutuals. have friends #NOTHING AGAINST ANYONE OBVS THIS IS 100% A ME PROBLEM AND NOT EVERY INTERACTION SENDS ME INTO A TAILSPIN ITS JUST SOMETHING THAT HAPPENS #i thjnk it says something about me idk i dont like to think of myself as very jealous but i am i just dont like dwelling on it #trying to figure out if what makes me upset is other people not liking me or my own personal inadequacies #anyways if anyones reading this pretend they didnt i will be over this tomorrow i just #ugh 🥹🥹🥹 #i wish i could wake up funnier #or smarter #maybe better at art #🙏 god bless #IVE FIGURED IT OUT #being in such a tight knit fandom reminds me of being in 8th grade again 🥹 not to tragic backstory everyone but like i had no friends #i think it kind of dredges up that kinda loneliness and insecurity in me #wow i should be a psychologist #anyways i still love fandom im not gonna stop it just. sigh. gets to me sometimes

[herrmit]

not to start shit but. tell me you didn't understand princess jellyfish without telling me you didn't understand princess jellyfish

#idk idk something about the lines we draw to divide women being ultimately useless as they degrade both sides #something something bridging gaps between people with different interests #something something literal actual sisterhood and solidarity between women #i'm never one to defend tiktok i'm not even on there and it surprises me that princess jellyfish is being brought up #but like. what is this supposed to mean. to 'tiktokify' something #girlboss narrative what hello? what? you're throwing words at me and i don't know what they mean #but it's hilarious that this post comes off as something the sisterhood would have posted before all their character development #because this is a story about empowerment not through appearance- but that inner change is what beauty is made of #the development tsumiki and the other members of the sisterhood get is not that now they dress well #but that their often self-imposed isolation is not an antidote to os being ostracized in high school and having social anxiety #and that they've dehumanized other women in the process of defending themselves #and it's not that they have to change who they are of their interests but that they full accept themselves and can therefore #be comfort with who they are #and better navigate the world. and form friendships . and human connection and FUCK #like what are you talking about #sorry i know no one here follows me for princess jellyfish takes but that's what we're gonna get today #i think when you have a fandom / readership as small as pj (in the west at least) every bad take hits that much harder lmao #anyway. kuranosuke princess rights. we are all princesses. etc etc #princess jellyfish #kuragehime #screeds #screeds fR FR #txt #i didn't want to tag this person or show their name bc it ain't personal i just want to address takes like these . #“girl's girls are toxic” “not like other girls are toxic” what if we were all princesses idk. what if we loved each other

[dykenav]

personally one of my biggest disappointments with greywaren was the lack of discussion about like. The World. like MI had SO much of this energy of like revolution and We Have To Change The World To Survive It and all of that was just like. totally skirted. not to mention the unanswered questions and plotholes like does the world know dreams and dreamers exist now? wtf happened to Ronan and Hennessy being wanted by the FBI? all jokes aside with that it’s kind of disappointing how we just get like one sentence in the epilogue that tells us that they’re traveling the world helping people make sweetmetals where the ley line needs it like I love that for them but how did they come to that conclusion. if the takeaway is supposed to be that the revolution needed to happen in the way they saw themselves and their relationships first then that’s dope but there was nothing to really tie that together with everything we set up in MI

#does this make sense. #greywaren spoilers #greywaren analysis #I know people are saying they think if maggie had written her original idea of it being a smaller scope no apocalypse story it would have #been better but. the thing is #I LOVED the widescale scope that was set up in Mister Impossible #and I would have been okay with that being cleverly subverted for a message about family and self IF the connection was clearly made #which I feel like it wasn’t. #and I feel like the moderators and apocalypse shit could have had a lot more meaning narratively #but I feel like the nathan twist was kind of like ??? #what am I supposed to do with that #I feel like that COULD HAVE slapped harder if we knew more about carmen’s family bc then it could have been like #the foil between how her family created a dreamer who wants to destroy the world vs ronans family creating a dreamer who wants to save it #is that the correct usage of foil idk #but yeah nathan was just such an inconsequential character like if ronan had been forced to see him and compare #his own destructive tendencies to nathan’s that would have been interesting. #or if there was at least a little more emphasis placed on nathan and carmen’s relationship so the reader could compare it to the lynchs #like i feel like she Tried to do that a bit but it wasn’t strong enough #anyway saying all this AS someone who is for the most part a greywaren understander. I respect the decisions she made but I wanted more #greywaren #tdt #the dreamer trilogy #mister impossible

[ssreeder]

In honor of the ask asking for your top 10 atla scenes.... I now want to know the 10 scenes you just absolutely hate, despise, would want to delete from the show altogether.

(if you don't got 10 it's fine, even only one really)

Haha this is funny,,,

So idk if I would say despise or hate any scene but I can share my least favorite?

1. Aang kissing katara after she told him she needed space. It came off forceful & it really put a creepy energy around aang which I didn’t appreciate. I enjoy aang and i felt it was very out of character for him to do that. i don’t think the writing there was very well thought out and I’ve seen people call him very unkind words because of it,

2. Iroh pretending to be paralyzed so he could lay on top of a paralyzed June. I saw it as a conflict of character because he’s supposed to be this wonderfully amazing so wise uncle and yet he was a fucking pervert here.

3. Ummm I would have made some adjustments to the Zuko comes into azulas room to confront her and she acts oddly sexual around him which idk was very…. Weird to me? I think maybe the writers and animators didn’t have the best communication or something because i understood the direction I THINK they were trying to go but the execution was a little too seductive for my taste.

I’m not sure if there are any more I would remove (I could be missing something but I’m done over thinking it) I WILL SAY … there are some things I would have added to make scenes/plot points I disliked a bit better?

1. katara going up to Sokka after she told him he didn’t love their mother as much as him and apologizing. Like Wtf that was super cruel & the writers should have held her accountable for what she said and made her apologize.

2. Some fucking Ozai iroh background or SOME kind of explainatipn why iroh pretty much REFUSED to have any involvement with Ozai. Even neglecting after three years to tell Zuko Ozai was cruel and a bad father iroh straight up just avoided it in my opinion & then did this whole speech of “brother vs brother is not a way to end the war”

BUTTTT….

Teenager brother & SISTER is totally acceptable go fuck your sister up Zuko bring me back a t shirt. (Or die idk she can shoot Lightning you can’t sucks for you have funnn looovvveeee youuuyu)

3. Ok idk what this counts as (yes it’s a children’s show so I do understand the children had to be the hero’s but like….) WHYYYYY DID every white lotus member stay in BSS??? I think each CHILD soldier group should have had a fucking chaperone or something. Come on iroh for fucks sake dude.

4. I also wish they would have let katara keep her hand scars. It would be a good message that accidents sometimes carry heavy consequences & even if you’re sorry it doesn’t magically fix the situation. I think katara would have been able to be even more relatable & badass if she had hand scars. (I mean spirit water still gave aang a scar so….. idk this is my more person preference haha.)

Ok sorry this went a weird direction but all together I love the show :) obviously. Haha.

Thanks for the ask.

#whatever they did a decent job #I’m not here to argue politics with people either #these are my personal opinions #& I’m not willing to die on this hill #you wanna argue that iroh is the best fucking uncle in the world and did everything write #HELL YEAH good for you I love that for you #I just don’t feel the same #& that is O K A Y #also Jet #like everything around Jet could have been done a bit more tastefully #he legit had a horrible fucking life and then died #& then his death was a punchline later one #another scene is the whole toph wants to bond with Zuko and he shrugs her off #or he belittles her trauma #idc if he has a ‘harder life than her’ fuck that #everyone is allowed to feel validated #& idk I didn’t like how toph trying to connect wtih Zuko and share things with him was made as a joke #anywayyyy sorry for the rant #almost everything in ATLA is amazing #I obviously ADORE the show #but ehhh some scenes I’m like oh shit that was very 2000s #or wow was to project through aang guys #of course me disliking a lot about iroh puts a damper on a lot of parts of the show that people love #that & the perfect dad Hakoda #like idk what show I was watching #but I missed that part #I see hakodas flaws from like a mile away #anywayyyyy ok I’m done for real #ask #avatar critical

[autisticlee]

sometimes being autistic really separates me from other people. there's an invisible wall that separates me from people, society, the world. all those things can reach through the wall and slap me around, but it's one way. I can't reach them. and they never pat me on the head. nothing nice comes through. and I can't get out. I try to share good things. nothing gets through the wall. they see it as I purposely don't come out of the room i'm locked in. they think I act like i'm too good for them. they are offended and reach in to slap me. i'm desperately screaming and trying to reach out to them. trying to be part of things. but I can't. I can't connect with them. I can't be part of society. this wall isn't my doing, but they are making sure it stays up and making sure they only send negative signals through. know I can't stay behind this wall or I literally can't live. but also can't get out. i'm stuck and blamed for it. told i'm not trying and it's on purpose. i've been kicking and screaming at the wall my whole life and didn't make a dent. the lonliness and disconnection that can be felt when autistic is something nonautistic people will never feel or understand.

#lee rambles #just feeling that autistic lonliness and disconnection strongly today so heres vague rambly nonsense #autistic #autism things #actually autistic #dont know how to truly connect to people. or be part of society in a way that benefits living. people dont seem to try #nor do they want to help. they just act like and assume im the one not trying. im trying way harder than they ever will. #i need some patients and accommodation and understanding. needs and boundaries need met and respected. i never get those. #no one tries to connect with me. i have to do all the work but dont have ability to. but im expected to. since i cant its my fault. #so i stay on the outside looking in. begging for the door to be unlocked. while they stare through window laughing #and blaming me for not walking through a solid wall because they dont unlock the door fkr others so why would they do it for me #ahhh. idk what im talking about. need to do mamy things but think brain dissociating. idk who i am right now i could be anyone #patience* typed wrong word. cant move tags in right place on phone anymore

[dailyfigures]

do you collect figures of fandoms you like or just random ones you thought were worthy of getting?

i currently only collect figures of characters i love! there's original characters and characters i haven't seen the media of that i also really love but the emotional connection really matters too much to me to buy those. it's half the joy for me to look at my figures and be reminded of how much i love those characters!

#like i said i love a bunch of figs of oc/characters i dont know too but idk there's something stopping me from buying those #i just know i personally won't enjoy those as much so i'd rather save my money for a character i do feel that connection to! #i absolutely respect aesthetic collectors tho i envy them sometimes #i would love to put together goth girl or halloween shelves but that's a little harder when i'm limited to media i've seen #oh actually i do own a love live eli halloween figure even tho i played love live for exactly one week #that's quite out off character but she looks soooo cute with my halloween miku <3 #anon #ask #non figure

[studyscrasic]

I want to find other langblrs and studyblrs to follow but it's bothering me that the studyblr tag especially is so...... academic grind mindset, I guess. Like, posts saying a 4.0 is always possible (no actually, it isn't for everyone) or going on about prestigious universities (I got into a famous one and then had to withdraw from it entirely due to burnout) and people geenerally acting like being academic is synonymous with perfect grades and prestige.

I used to really buy into that mindset and it was awful for me, and now I'm a two-time dropout struggling through trying to go back to school to finish my degree and desperately hoping my grades and brain are still okay enough for grad school when I finish. I used to be a great student, but I have ADHD and autism and a host of other things going on in my brain (and life) that just aren't really conducive to being that kind of an academic.

But I still love learning and want to spend more time in the learning corner of tumblr! I don't think being mentally ill and neurodivergent and struggling with school means you can't romanticize being a student a bit and have a fun time sharing what you're reading and learning with people. I like that aspect. Langblr especially has been a bit more my speed, and if I'm following you (as astriiformes) it's because I think you're cool and have a healthier relationship with academics and academia. Ideally I'd love to make a nice little corner of us who can encourage each other through our various challenges with school, and be open about how sometimes it's a hard time!

But oof. Here I was hoping studyblr would be a nice space to motivate myself and instead it's making me a bit melancholy about what I used to want vs what I've actually been capable of so far. And I bet I'm not the only one and that makes me a bit sad.

#hesitant to put this in the main tags but like? i kind of want to see if it resounds with some other folks? #so for now at least #studyblr #i'm also kind of wondering if like. making a fun challenge or discord server or something to connect people #who have had a harder time with school but still love learning (or who like our vibe and still want to hang with us) #could be a neat thing to do #idk i just like the idea of a 'school is hard sometimes!' studyblr community of some kind #and would love to get to know some of you feel the same

[your-local-granny]

winter break is a dangerous time because ill spend the entire semester going "if only i had a few days off then i could get glasses and see a hemotologist and an ENT and maybe even the dentist and get a credit card and—" and then winter break hits and instead im gaslighting myself into thinking i should read multiple translations of beowulf so i can compare the translations and use it to support an essay on tolkien that i outlined FOUR YEARS AGO AND NEVER WROTE

#RARRGHHHH!!!! #i reread the outline and intro and BRO I WAS COOKING #tragically i was writing this paper in MARCH 2020 so i never wrote it for obvious reasons #its just so UGH!!! i love LOTR as a piece of literature obv i think its great fun but its also so good to research from a historic angle??? #just because tolkien's life impacted his work so overtly so its really easy to trace connections from his diaries and academic pursuits #to his fictional writing #and there's so many good papers already written on tolkien its just nice having an excuse to read it all #and in some ways i like the history surrounding LOTR more than the actual content just because LOTR itself is uhm. white men crusade yknow #so it hits harder when you link it to the actual generation that fought in WWI #idk the history itself is good to explore in how that colored his views especially on xenophobia and industrialization and the end of an ag #anyways. want to read his translation of beowulf but i think itd behoove me to read a more modernized translation first #cause that really helped me w the iliad #I ALSO SHOULD READ A POETIC TRANSLATION OF THE ILIAD #now that ive read a prose version and understand the plot and themes lmao #CHRIST #anyways #portal of rambling #lotr

[iridisentry]

I made a Nico!

This is my first time posting art or drawing for a fandom that doesn't solely exist in my head. Tell me how I did?

Nico di Angelo in this is in his late teens and I hc him to be less exhausted and hurting then. I also hc a fuckton of piercings as clearly shown. Shoulder-length hair is my jam to be honest.

#nico di angelo #art #artists on tumblr #nico #pjo #i wanted to get every detail perfect but i had exams so #screw it #i wonder what colour is a good highlight for the underworld? #black does not make good lighting apparently #which #fair #so i went with purple for mystery and power #and a sickly green for like...rotting things ig?? #i just see that shade of green connected to dark things and i suppose it just...made sense #but idk?? #digital art is weird btw #im fairly new to it #there are things which are easier--the UNDO button is godsend #but its harder to make a thing look less flat since idk how

[karliahs]

i love all fic comments but the ones that get me most are the ones where people suggest something i wrote like. changed something for them or helped them understand or realise something

someone recently commented that a fic i wrote (one i do not even really remember writing or thinking was very good) helped them articulate the kinds of supportive things they want to express to their partner with chronic pain. several people have said fics I wrote about not being obligated to forgive people have helped them reinforce to themselves that they don't need to do that. someone being like the panic attack you wrote with somewhat atypical symptoms is exactly how I have them and I've never seen that reflected before

Idk this doesn't have a point except I love everyone who has ever read my things and maybe I should write again and take my own writing with the seriousness that people receive it even if that feels scary and embarrassing

#talking #idk it's easy to be flippant and dismissive and be like haha i wrote anime fanfiction #it is harder and also better to admit i care very deeply about connecting to other people through fiction and want to try even if it's hard #i dont like. take the time to work on my orig fic for lots of reasons but partly just because i feel embarrassed to care #and to view it as worth doing when it is very unlikely id ever get published #anyway i wrote almost 5k of self indulgent astarion/oc stuff today. live your dreams

[callingcxrd]

I know people mean well and this is something I don't blame them for but I am getting so tired of hearing that Oh, your struggles make you special! Thinking differently means you'll change the world! Like maybe I don't want to be some miraculous idolised Other any more than I would want to be some demonised freak to you all maybe I just want actually understood

#Bleu.txt #It's just been weighing on my mind lately </3 #IDK I'm very poetic and dramatic about things by nature I feel so I kind of make it hard for myself I guess but like the things I do #The things I draw and write et cetera #I want to be such a poet and so many poets are viewed as mysterious and unreachable historically speaking. I suppose #I don't want to be unreachable I want to be accessible and I want everyone to understand it #But unfortunately understanding is never something you can just Give somebody. It's a meeting half way and it is simply not always possible #Again it's something I've come to terms with and I never blame people for simply acting as their life experiences allow them to #But I end up feeling very isolated even speaking face to face with so many people #There is a great irony in it. Everything I do is as in depth and detailed as it is because of seeking that perfect understanding #But it just gets harder to connect with literally any audience. Or at least that's how I feel #Most people skim over it #Because it's too much and it's boring or it's pretentious to them which is never what I wanted #This isn't just about poetry though. That's just the way I feel I can express myself most authentically #Words are my personal talent so it's just what I do #Anyway. Ramble over #These tags are so unrelated anyway dfhgjdfnjhk

[mangobubletea]

canon isn't real if i don't look at it *starts ugly crying*

#jjk spoilers in tags #i usually don't look at leaks but i opened twitter and at the top of my dashboard were the panels that gege himself posted #and i was like WHAT. #WHAT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN. EXCUSE ME #i'm actually so sad #after so many weeks of back and forth and especially LAST CHAPTER??? i just stopped thinking about the possibility of gojo dying #like i always knew it was a possibility but the stakes like. fizzled out #i also think it hits so much harder when waiting for new chapters rather than reading a bunch in one sitting #like i don't think i'd be as inconsolable if i'd read this whole fight arc in one sitting #i saw someone say there's still hope his head is still connected to his body but i'm like #idk man. i think this might be it for real this time #anyway IT'S NOT REAL IF I DON'T LOOK AT IT RIGHT #what i really want to happen. is for kenjaku to be unaware of this #and then he's talking shit and someone says gojo is dead #and then geto's body reacts again #leaving kenjaku vulnerable and very killable for a moment #then gojo and geto can have a happily ever afterlife #god. i'm so sad #this is going to haunt me for weeks #the only thing that can somewhat fix this is if we get the nobara is alive reveal #please. i'm begging #ramblings #sorry for being so abnormal about this silly fighting anime

[mari-monsta]

Looking back in my camera roll I feel like I've been bummed out lately... idk why man

#i feel kinda stuck and unfulfilled lately #maybe its the passing of my cat or something but i just feel kinda low energy #like harder to connect with people and we dont have the time for one another or something #idk i guess its just because i was looking at photos from last year and i felt a bit like i rememvered being happier then #but maybe its just like . rose colored #for the first half of the year i was mostly looking forward to my summer trip so i could ignore other stuff going in #like friends being flakey or my cat passing away #but now that thats passed i just kinda feel a bit stuck or not rly looking forward to as kuch #meh. anyway. im mostly thinking aloud #im sure itll pass but im just being contemplative about it #vent post

[amatres]

another half baked idea i have over the dragon age franchise is they shouldn't have gone back to ferelden at all in inquisition, it should have been solely set in orlais

no i'm serious, i don't think placing a sequel in the same place as the previous game(s) is ever a good idea unless the story is linear bc then you start with multiple plot points you have to consider to either respect and try to work with, or retcon them to make writing easier which Sucks bc then it feels like all the work you did in the previous game was for naught

plus it wouldn't be too hard to change the big explosion to val royeaux bc the chantry was literally Born in orlais, it would make sense to deal with their bullshit in their birthplace. the need to keep up appearances would play a much more important part in the game and make players consider how their actions will affect not only the way the story goes but how they are seen by the nobles in it's hold. you could also have an easier time tearing down the chantry for good instead of Having to work with them just saying

you could even you know, probably fit parts of the masked empire and asunder into the game instead of making them side material books so players actually know what's going on instead of it just being neat references and resolutions to stories the players dont even know.

the whole cole finding out he's a spirit thing? could have been his character quest. the reveal about what celene did, and deciding if you want to side with her, briala, or gaspard? could have been a big choice similar to the landsmeet with in actual game context on what's going on instead of having to have purchase and read a separate piece of dragon age content. felassan could have been a party companion, and solas cold feel more like an ominous built up to villain, or you could have still had solas as a companion and you met him through felassan? solas's betrayal not just being he just fucks off for two years with no explanation, but that he kills another party member (felassan) and then fucks off so your character can have more reason to have complicated feelings on him without the elven god reveal

you could also better center the player characters origins and not just be like Some Guy from elsewhere everyone worships now and actually have a reason to care about what's going on beyond 'i don't want to die'. you could have been a circle mage, or a city elf in orlais, or your noble background as a human could Mean something by giving you a leg up in the politics, or-

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #ama mumbles #long post #idk i know it would be a lot and stuff would have to be reworked but it would have gave it like a Center to work off #instead of just the empty wasteland inquisition feels like to me #plus the inquisitor feels so much of just like a barbie doll instead of someone who actually lives in thedas which just makes it harder #to connect to the games story so having a better connection to whats going on would help that at least in my opinion #sorry for the repost i need to make sure this is in the tag bc i want to yell into the void properly

[fakeoutbf]

.

#hi i’m gonna ramble a little feel free to skip over this #i’ve just felt so lonely these past few weeks #like the closest friends i had both went out of town and neither told me and i had to find out through instagram #and like idk if it’s my fault for always being so closed off and not reaching out to ppl more or if they just … don’t wanna talk to me #and i’m happy that they’re doing stuff that makes them happy and that they’re doing well but like #they both have bfs which is fine but that means that they almost automatically have someone else to do shit with #and they have closer friends too so they hang out with them more i guess #all this to say i don’t really have anyone i’m close with so i just … don’t have anyone to do that stuff with #like a coworker was saying they wanted to go to the beach with their cousins or siblings or they went on vacation with friends recently #and the only person i’d wanna do those things with is my mom … and then we can’t go bc we’re broke and have other things to pay #and i wish i could travel on my own but it’s not safe here and ngl i don’t have money to go out of the country besides needing paperwork etc #all this to say that: did i fuck up choosing a bsf in hs that was thousands of miles away that now i don’t have a genuine connection with #anyone in the same area i am?? should i have opened up more to ppl overall?? should i have tried harder?? #or is it just fucked up that the only ppl i know who like the same things i like and who bond with me over them live so far away?? #like is it me?? am i the problem?? #i just wanna go to the beach man … i wanna go on vacation and relax and not think about fucking dying alone #no one even cares about me i swear #if i got fucked up in a car crash or something and landed in a hospital or fucking dead for all i know who would even care