Tumgik
#like i logically know it's not That big of a deal but i also know it can feel so discouraging to be excited abt smth and not feel it back
gaminegay · 9 months
Text
it is so insanely frustrating for me to be the only person working who has an ounce of Disaster Thinking because it means I'm the only person who says "hey, this has a possibility of not going well, we should be ready for that" and get dismissed out of hand because I'm thinking too hard about things. And then that eventuality HAPPENS and everyone's like oh no how unfortunate. Yeah if only someone saw that coming and proposed a solution beforehand.
24 notes · View notes
sapphire-heart-tippy · 10 months
Text
Some of those rant/anger posts can get a little personal sometimes-
I swear a mutual could reblog a post that's like,
"I fucking hate people who have short blue hair, who only draws one stupid villain nobody cares about, likes Jojo, drinks lemonade tea, who's favorite color is blue, and named Tippy. Just die if you are all those things"
And I'll pretend I didn't see it, but feel anxious for the rest of the day... and wonder why they still follow me and supposedly like me even though I'm most of those things that they hate-
13 notes · View notes
cuntwrap--supreme · 1 year
Text
Uh-oh! Made the mistake of watching horror content while in a delicate mental state and now I can feel I'm going to be paranoid for a while! Oopsie daisy! Silly me! Ha ha 🤪
9 notes · View notes
reyesstrand · 1 year
Text
idk i’m just rambling here but one of the big things for ME re: the carlos is already married theory that i’ve been thinking about since i first started seeing it...everywhere (besides it being ooc in my opinion) is that we’re looking at—max—a four episode arc that narratively needs to allow us to catch up with the characters again, before tying together carlos’ secret, his work storyline, iris’ return, andrea (and gabriel) + tarlos, the other characters’ involvement w their story, the storms, and some heavy tarlos plot as teased by ronen. and then we’ll move onto other big plot points and storylines with other characters (likely tommy and marjan, and of course owen), likely leaving us without much substantial development re: the aftermath of the heavy tarlos arc until we focus in on them again. absolving the fact that carlos somehow neglected to tell the love of his life—whose proposal he happy-cried through and accepted at three in the morning without hesitation—that he’s already married and has been for a while and getting through the appropriate reactions to that (no matter the reason), while also setting them up to come out stronger on the other side of that, while dealing with the carlos work storyline effectively, just to have them happily hanging out at the firehouse a few episodes later and presumably wedding planning heavily in episode eight as if nothing happened just. i don’t see it.
also, this is the same show that has promotional material that phrases character death as a “personal emergency” and a proposal as “come to a decision”. i feel like they’re really just playing with our emotions here.
#like this would be a lot for the audience to get over yknow?? no matter the reason for it they provide#i KNOW this secret won’t have been properly set up. they likely thought of this just while writing season four and did nothing to set it up#in past seasons#but THIS is a huge jump that would have huge ramifications and idk if they’d be wanting to go that route#tarlos#911ls#also as much as the rescues border on soap-opera ish and some moments are made for the Drama because this is a network television show#everything tarlos-related has been very believable and human and real#tk being hurt from alex’s rejection and the relapse and not wanting to rush into things with carlos despite having feelings? real#them breaking up over a miscommunication w/ money and power and the prospect of carlos doing these big things tk doesn’t think he deserves?#real#carlos going through the entire run of the show while harbouring a secret marriage that’s never even been ALLUDED to?? it’s just. wild#the secret needs to be something they can very easily maybe miscommunicate about before resolving it and making them stronger together#something they go through TOGETHER and builds them up for carlos getting hurt and tk dealing with that#and their future together#not something that would arguably completely alter carlos as a person and his relationship with tk as we’ve watched it become over 3 years#feel like i could write an essay on how this is ooc too but this is me trying to logically think through it akdnskdnskdn
8 notes · View notes
fakeoutbf · 6 months
Text
.
#food tw#body image tw#hi i feel like this whole week has been a lot and it’s culminated today in me having an anxiety attack over my body#so i thought i’d just let some feelings out please feel free to just skip over this#logically i know that my body and what it looks like isn’t representative of my value as a person#i completely get that and i know that the thought is insane#but growing up with the specific model of being skinny and pretty so ppl find you attractive / appealing is so hard to unlearn some days#this is the heaviest weight i’ve been in my life probably and it isn’t even that much but it just means my body looks different#which makes it fit and look differently in clothes i used to take comfort in#and sure i’ve gotten bigger sizes and it’s no big deal but my brain chose today to hyperfixate on the fact that my love handles are bigger#and create this dip in my hips that didn’t use to be there and now i’m panicking over eating so much bread and carbs and not working out and#winter season coming up and all the carb rich food endorsed during that time and my mom craving more sweets and offering me as well#and IT SHOULDN’T FUCKING MATTER but for YEARS one of the only things i had ‘control’ over was my weight#and now that everything else has gone to shit i can’t get myself to have control over this thing and it’s making me feel even worse#and then i think of eating better but it just seems so hard when i have no motivation to actually make myself healthier meals and i just#i’m stuck in a standstill of wanting to get better but my brain shutting down and being exhausted after work and idk what to do#i know i need to be kinder on myself but also i want to change but idk where or how to start#i know i have to do it alone but fuck everything is so much scarier alone
1 note · View note
thatb1tchjaded · 2 years
Text
I just seen a fic pop up of Jason, Billy and Tommy. Lmaooo, I swear you yt girls will flock towards any yt piece of shit they can.
If y’all want to be racist and support racist pos characters that’s fine; but do it on Your side of tumblr and don’t invade the normal tags. I have to deal with this shit in the real world, I have to deal with YALL in the real world. Don’t invade my internet or the general not wanting to fuck a racist spaces, please and thank you! 💖
7 notes · View notes
tmema · 2 years
Text
my dad accidentally took my plate of rice instead of his which to 99.9% of people on planet earth is not a big deal at all but what i have decided to call ‘creature mode’ resurfaced for the first time in months so that was fun
19 notes · View notes
lenievi · 2 years
Text
KIRK: Recommendations. MCCOY: I have one. I recommend survival. Let's get out of here.
Kirk: hmmmm what about no? Our orders do not say stay alive or retreat. Our mission is to investigate.
McCoy: we’re all dying, Jim
Kirk: hm... We’d better get out of here.
#lately i think that jim and orders is an interesting thing to think about#he is by a book soldier and he listens to orders - sometimes to a fault - the galileo seven for example#except when the ship and the crew is concerned - that's how he also gets around the prime directive#even though one episode is like 'the captain would die and let his ship to be destroyed rather than interfere' but on the other hand#the instances of kirk 'breaking' the PD was because someone else already messed around/enterprise was attacked#and ofc then there is his obsession - even though he does have a logical explanation#but i just can't agree with the popular take that kirk would break rules only for spock because it simply isn't true#he isn't nonchalant about breaking rules as the pop-culture makes it out to be but he also has the option to disregard orders if he deems it#right.#and he did disregard orders in obsession - he disregarded the fact he needed to deliver medical supplies - that he was right about the#danger doesn't matter#i know it's cool to see kirk as someone who would put his friend(s) above other things but... he also literally sacrificed spock twice in#the show#jim thought that he had killed spock in return to tomorrow#getting him to vulcan was something he'd do for others as well. he did ignore orders about yonada because he didn't wanna leave mccoy behind#the episode just doesn't make a big deal out of it#idk this doesn't even make sense but i started to feel that people who are like 'gotta protect kirk from flanderization' aren't always#entirely objective. i mean i'm not objective either lol#but kirk breaking rules all the time and kirk breaking rules only for spock are two extremes and the truth is somewhere in the middle imho#tos nonsense#in any case i probably just need to stop reading other people talking about kirk lol
8 notes · View notes
soft-spooks · 11 months
Text
good evening. im regressing <3
1 note · View note
mrfoox · 1 year
Text
I'm going to struggle to sleep and get up tomorrow
Curse it all
#miranda talking shit#At one hand i liked the conversation i had with fabian and i think i got some answers to questions ive been wondering about but im also lik#Unpacking all this.... So much to unpacking and to be put in a folder in my head where does it all go... Still hate how#He hit me with the biggest ... Maybe in the universe and i can't deal with it. No I'd be relieved and accept an no fullstop but he had to#Add in the.... Idk actually lol i dont have a reference and i would like to know how it is crossing boundaries in our relationship#Whag the fuck man.... You really gave me the strongest 'i think youre into me and it worries me' and then nullify it with an 'idk how i#Feel sometimes id like to explore more' how am i supposed to... Handle that information... I had been going around telling myself#What he said to me 2019 is the way he still feels and me thinking he might think more is just me being paranoid but then yeah#What a clusterfuck. I mean to me it wont change anything in the broader picture no matter what i care for him ya know? But now thats... An#Whole other thing like. Should i try to act differently? Be more careful? Or would that be unfair bc then id do what he've been doing to me#I will quote him again 'miranda i think if both of us got an gf/bf at the same time this would solve itself' i joked and said he could find#Me one and I'll find one for him. But yeah i think that would ... Be a solution in an ideal world. Idk how to do anything man#At one hand i think he's overestimating how much he's on my mind but also its true. I spend a lot of my social time with him so obviously#I think about him? But i also have a reference on how i am... With people i have crushes on and who im in love with and how o think of thoe#Its just so scary to think about how i am his reference ... To... Well basically a ton of things... Im not a good reference unless you want#An abnormal reference. I guess im anxious I'll somehow ... Ruin him or something. This was a big conformation that i am his reference to#Women and close relationships with women and i am not made for that... Most feminine tjing about me is being sappy and giving compliments#And encouragement. Otherwise im basically like ... A dude. Guess it also scares me that he knows me. I know i know him but the fact its#Mutual is aw man... Being known is still a struggle. He wasmt completely wrong is his logic bc he knows me i think too much about people#And things. I understand im so anxious bc i care about him and im worried about losing him or pushinh him away but shit#Hes sleeping rn and is at peace with this probably. He doesn't dwell on it. He even said hes been thinking about this... Bc he began to#Think about what i could be thinking? So its not even his own thoughts but thoughts about whaf i could be thinking? ?? Whack and im likebro#Flattering that you go to that length but also... Literally what??? Cant tell if hes somehow projecting or if this is genuinely how he was#Thinking but damn. Boy does have some confidence at least? He's such an fool. I love him but holy shit he blows me away sometimes
3 notes · View notes
clericlost · 2 years
Text
lately i’ve been feeling so much like. cheering clapping applause to be here with y’all but all the enthusiasm is stuck in a snowglobe that i can’t figure out how to break cause it’s made of fear pain agony because social anxiety every time i log on :/
#out.#negative //#it sucks to experience but honestly it sucks more than like. i know people are here to have fun and often write better when#they can actually get along w their writing partner?#and i hate that this Thing is just in the way of me and everyone else but idk how to get rid of it#it's just Paralyzing like i just get stuck and it feels impossible to shake myself out of it#and then i feel anxious about THAT lmao so. wondering if i need to just throw the towel in instead of doing this to my partners jdskfs#like i logically know it's not That big of a deal but i also know it can feel so discouraging to be excited abt smth and not feel it back#but it's not even the feeling it back that's the issue! it's just talking w people idk why my brain just flatlines over it but it's so bad#lately. when i'm in a good headspace i'm the exact same way and LOVE when i can iron down my interactions to ppl i just Enjoy being around#but when i'm in a bad headspace it's so hard to do anything other that hide in ic replies indefinteily#even with people i'm so so comfortable with cause it is very much a state of being that stems from Me not anyone else#idk. i just feel shitty for ghosting but then i feel too shitty to fix it :/#wish i could psychically link w all of you so u could know how happy i am to write with you#idk why it's so hard to translate ooc one on one#idk why it's like there's an actual physical wall in my brain stopping me most of the time#social anxiety fucking sucks i guess lol#yeah....... killing it w my mind#i know it's probably just made worse by my recent caffiene addiction but it'll probably be a while before i can kick that shit so#idk if i should quit while i'm barely ahead or just. try to be okay with ic replies#but i Hate that cause it feels like such bad rp etiquette like. i don't wanna rp like that lol#but idk how else to while i'm like this :/#which probably means i should take a break!! but i selfishly don't wanna lose more writing partners than i already have but then#i guess either way i might lose some people but at least if i took a break it'd feel like less shitty of a reason#ugh......#too much to think about on a sunday afternoon
5 notes · View notes
parrrty-poison · 9 months
Text
the "seen" feature on messages was literally invented to torment mentally ill people, i want to fistfight whoever came up with it
0 notes
kuiinncedes · 10 months
Text
hhrrnddbffhd
0 notes
neixins · 10 months
Text
an hour until i meet my friend and i still don’t know if i should lie about my gender when she interviews me or if i should use it as an opportunity to come out ughhhh
0 notes
ariaste · 9 months
Text
The Magic Trick You Didn’t See: Being An Analysis of Good Omens Season 2
(or: Neil Gaiman, Your Brain is Gorgeous But I Have Cracked Your Sneaky Little Code And Have You Dead To Rights*) (*Maybe)
***
Soooooo I just spent the last 48 hours having a BREATHTAKING GALAXY BRAIN EPIPHANY about Good Omens Season 2 and feverishly writing a fuckin16,000 word essay about the incredible magic trick that @neil-gaiman pulled off. 
Yes, it’s long, but I PROMISE your brains will explode. Do you want to know how magic works? Do you want to know what Metatron’s deal is (I’m like 99% sure of this and it’s EXTREMELY FUCKING GOOD)? Do you want to know about the Mystery of the Vanishing Eccles Cakes and the big fat beautiful clue I found in the opening credits? Do you go through the whole inventory of Chekov’s Firearm & Heavy Artillery Discount Warehouse? 
Here is the essay, go read it: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ When ur done u can tell me I’m an insane crackpot, and u know what, i won’t even be offended
In case you don’t know whether you want to bother reading the whole enormous thing on google docs, I’ve put the first couple sections of it under the cut. JUST TRUST ME OKAY, HEAR ME OUT, THIS IS VERY EXTREMELY COOL, NEIL IS GOOD AT HIS JOB--
Proem
A dark theater. The rustling of the audience: clothes, breathing, whispers of anticipation. The lights come up. A man enters, stage left. He is a magician—a master magician—and he performs for you a magic trick so good and so subtle... that you don’t even notice you’ve seen it. 
You know there must have been a trick—after all, you came to the theater to see a trick performed, didn’t you? And he claims to be a magician. So there had to be a trick somewhere. There had to be.
But maybe there wasn’t. Maybe there was just a man on a stage, talking to you, telling you a story with a strangely unsatisfying ending you didn’t quite understand. 
I know. This is a weird beginning to an analysis essay. But hear me out, because I have to explain the mechanisms of the stage before I can show you what the trick was, where the trapdoor was hidden, and how Neil Gaiman pulled the whole thing off so gently and elegantly that you didn’t notice a thing. Ready? Here we go.
The Facts As We Know Them
Let us begin by establishing a baseline—some fundamental, logical assumptions that underpin the magic trick. These will seem obvious as soon as I say them, which is precisely the point: They are self-evident, loadbearing foundations for my entire argument, and if I don’t point them out, I’m going to sound like a crackpot conspiracy theorist. (Which! To be fair, I might be. I could easily be wrong about all this—but I don’t think I am.)
Our baseline, loadbearing assumptions that preface my Grand Unified Theory of Season 2: 
1. Neil Gaiman is extremely good at his job.
2. Neil Gaiman loves these characters and wants with all his heart to do them justice; likewise, he has a great deal of respect, love, and admiration for Terry Pratchett and is striving VERY HARD to write the show the way Terry would have been happy with.
3. The devil, as they say, is in the details: Neil Gaiman and the entire Good Omens cast/crew are fully capable of doing extremely subtle detail work, as conclusively proven in Season 1 Ep 6, specifically the whole sequence of the body-swap scenes.
With me so far? Great.
The Elephant In The Room
Season 2 was... odd. It was odd, wasn’t it. This isn’t a matter of whether you loved it or hated it—there was just something odd going on.
I spent the entirety of my first viewing very much enjoying myself and being very happy to be back with these characters and this world, but I was also liveblogging to my groupchat as I went, and a theme soon began emerging:
“Neil, what are you doing? Where are you going with this?” “What in god’s name is going on here? I’m so lost lmao.” “What is going on with the music situation?” “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE NEIL” “zombies, ok, I trust u to pull this all together in the end, Neil, but I still don't know what you're up to” “What is going on LOL” “Incredibly what is going on here” “NEIL! WHAT IS HAPPENING!” “Literally what is happening” “Neil Gaiman why have you constructed a regency au for mystery VIBES reasons” “just????????? lesbians????????? dancing what's HAPPENING. just all the background characters are gay here ok sure sure sure NEIL GAIMAN WHAT IS HAPPENING--” “mmmmmmm neil what u doin”
All these are copied verbatim from my liveblogging, and apparently I am not the only one to have this reaction. And to be clear, I was having a good time! I came out to this theater to see a magic trick, and this Neil Gaiman guy on stage is a master magician—but I didn’t see the trick, even though there must have been a trick. 
At first, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the season. I wanted to like it! Indeed, there were many things that I liked about it! But I felt a bit muddled and jumbled up and confused—I felt like there was something I didn’t understand about it, and so I couldn’t yet understand how I felt about it either.
I started chewing on this question in a friend’s DMs: Why is season 2 so fucking odd? What is going on here, Neil? What are you up to? The matter of whether he was up to something was never in question. I knew that he had to be up to something. Writers are always up to something, and as I watched season 2, it was as if I was watching Neil scamper around the room with a mischievous expression as he messed with things here and there and made little tweaks and adjustments to the arrangement of all the Chekov’s guns he’s stockpiling on the mantelpiece. 
You see, Season 2 has some very bad writing in it. HANG ON, DON’T ARGUE WITH ME YET! THIS IS NOT A JUDGMENT CALL!! This is the rug that the trick’s secret mechanism is hidden under!!! This is the hidden mirror that makes the trick work!!!!! This is the trapdoor in the stage!
Yes, of course I will explain myself.
Neil Gaiman is a master magician, but I am a pretty damn good magician myself—I’m a professional fantasy author who has published nine books, and I teach workshops for apprentice writers online and at universities—and if there is one thing I have learned about the process of achieving mastery of your craft, it is this: 
Regardless of what medium they’re working in, the apprentice artist is concerned primarily with achieving realism via an expansion of their control—control of their brush strokes as they paint a photorealistic eye; control of their deck of cards, the mechanisms of their magic tricks, and where the audience’s attention is being directed; control of all the little factors of voice, plot, character, setting, suspense and surprise that go into writing a good story. However, the master artist has achieved that control—so much so that it often looks effortless to an untrained eye—and sometimes the master artist returns to a messy, amateurish style simply because they have control even over this too. 
As an example, consider Picasso and his entire body of work. He begins as an apprentice focused on achieving control, doing portraits of people that look like people—like what we expect a portrait of a person to look like. Then, as he grows in skill and gradually achieves mastery, he pulls away from realism. He develops a style, he experiments with faces that don’t look like any human alive  colored in ways that do not appear in nature. He expands his control. His work becomes abstract. Towards the end of his life, he starts experimenting with what’s called “Naive art”, something that a 5 year old could theoretically draw... but you have to achieve mastery before you can do it on purpose and have it look good. 
On one hand, Neil Gaiman is extremely good at his job. On the other hand, Season 2 has bad writing in it.
What does that tell us?
Well, we know from our Baseline Assumptions that Neil Gaiman is simply too good of a writer to fuck up through garden-variety clumsiness and lack-of-control the way an apprentice writer would. Additionally, he cannot fuck up by accident in this case because I am positive that the man is scrutinizing his work on Good Omens far too closely to let anything slide—for Crowley and Aziraphale’s sakes, for David and Michael’s sakes, and especially for Terry’s sake. The stakes are sky-high, and he cares too much to write a weird, kind of “bad” season by accident.
Which leaves only one option: He did it on purpose.
Tumblr media
(Am I sounding like a crackpot conspiracy theorist? Baby, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. I’m gonna get SO MUCH MORE CRACKPOT.)
If he did it on purpose, then the natural question to ask is: WHY!?!?!??
It’s a great question. Not “Why?” in terms of why he as an individual person with emotions would decide to do that, mind you. More like, “What purpose does this serve for the structure of the narrative?” There is a story he is intending to tell, and out of all the choices he could have possibly made, for some reason this one was necessary and correct in order to achieve that end goal—so what was that reason?
Tumblr media
See? Intentionality. He knows exactly what details he left in, and he did it on purpose. (Editing! It’s important!)
So there has to be a reason. It’s like when a master magician “casually” rubs an itch on his nose—why did he do that? What is he sneakily slipping into his mouth by hiding it under the excuse of this little gesture that does not even register to you as meaningful? (If you haven’t watched enough stage magic to know what I mean, watch this.)
This question is, of course, impossible to simply answer out of thin air without any further evidence. It is a dead end—so we must adjust the question and come at it from a different angle.
The one I settled on when I was chewing on this was: Well, okay, what do I mean when I say “bad writing”? What is it about S2 that makes it feel so goddamn odd?
The Pledge, The Turn, and... The Conspicuous, Expectant Silence
There are three parts to a magic trick: Pledge, Turn, Prestige. 
First, the Pledge: You show the audience something ordinary. Second, the Turn: You make that ordinary thing do something extraordinary, like vanish. Third, the Prestige: You bring the ordinary thing back.
To quote the 2006 film The Prestige just after its explanation of the first two parts: “You want to be fooled. But you wouldn’t clap yet, because making something disappear isn’t enough. You have to bring it back.”
You have to bring it back.
When I teach apprentice writers, I call this a “setup-payoff cycle”. Achieving control and dexterity with this tool is crucial, because the setup-payoff cycle is the engine of the story—it’s what makes the story run. You can have a setup-payoff cycle at any scale—I have read ones that were a single sentence long; I’ve read ones that were two books long. Additionally, all jokes, no matter how long they are, are structured on a setup/payoff cycle. These cycles work precisely the same way a magic trick does:
You set up the audience’s expectations. (Optional but generally considered stylish and elegant: You give those expectations a firm jolt to throw the audience off-balance.) You pay off the audience’s expectations in a way they weren’t expecting, while saying “TA DA!!!!” really loud with your arms flung wide.
Audiences really like this. A setup-payoff cycle executed just right makes the audience’s brains light up like Times Square and hammers on their mental “reward” buttons like nothing else. It’s like you’ve personally handed them a cookie and a gold star. They go wild for this.
Here’s an example of a setup-payoff cycle, though it’s not a perfect one—and you’ve probably heard it before, so you’re not going to be throwing chairs and tearing down the theater from sheer glee:
The Setup: Knock knock. Who’s there? Banana. Banana who? The Jolt: (the joke starts over and repeats several times without reaching the payoff (aka the prestige) while the audience grows more and more annoyed and frustrated about the unfulfilled expectations, until finally...) Knock knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? The Payoff: ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY BANANA?
Good Omens Season 2 feels so fucking odd because the setup-payoff cycles are incomplete—nearly all of them are, and the ones that do close the loop do so in really weird ways which, as a professional author, make me feel kind of, “Bwuh?????? But where’s my cookie? Excuse me??? Sir???? Neil????? My cookie, tho???”
When I realized this, when I finally put my finger on why the whole season was giving me some uncanny valley heebie-jeebies, a chill ran down my spine. (The rest is here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/193IXS11XN46lziHRb6eUpM17yK0BQkRqke1Wh64A_e0/ I’M GOING TO GO STARE INTO THE ABYSS NOW BYE)
11K notes · View notes
shouty-sam · 1 year
Text
.
0 notes