#legally I can drive but mentally it is overwhelming

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

Why do I hafta go get a background check. Just take my word for it

#meows #like I GET why but jfc don’t they think #if I had done something within the year and a month #since I first had it done it would’ve popped up?? #babe I haven’t even gotten a ticket!! which is surprising sometimes #legally I can drive but mentally it is overwhelming #my eyes take too long to refocus if I swivel my head #and by too long I mean way too long for what most seem to be able to do #what was I saying. oh right. gotta get my bg check tomorrow #and the only building I can go to is way in the city #in this UGLY set of buildings. one of which has that stupid bitch there #shan’t say who. read my mind

[toaster-trash]

Silly rant about how much I hate the school system but it’s long and angry so

School is so fucking insufferable, you’ll try talk to a teacher getting paid to teach you for two seconds and to complain about the workload and explain your other subjects and they’ll patronise you to death treating you like an overwhelmed 5 year old. I shit you not, I genuinely just asked to talk to two of my teachers for five fucking minutes to ask about them cutting back a bit on mandatory revision so I could do it during study leave to make time for more important subjects, and explained as factually and concisely as possible, and got told to “calm down and breathe” like 500 times while I was fucking talking. One of them I shit you not tried to get me to do fucking breathing exercises with her and repeat back what I was going to do, what in the actual fuck, I was genuinely getting so pissed off and I’m still mad about it lmao, all I need is a “ok 👍 I trust you, I’ll cut back on the mandatory revision homework for you and you focus on your other subject that’re pressing right now”, not to get treated like a first year in special ed.

Teachers have always been like this fr and it’s genuinely been getting to me for fucking years. You’ll go to them about anything trying to have a really really normal conversation and they’ll treat you like you’re completely fucking inept. Throwback to the time my vice principal told me off for “talking back to her” by telling her that a girl getting sexually harassed being her fault made no sense, to the time she found out I was suicidal and fucking schizing (recently actually) and went “are we not having such a good day today? :(“ and also asked if harming myself made me feel good and then went “no, I didn’t think so :(“. Oh and for good measure, throwback to the time the girls in my year were told they couldn’t wear leggings in PE bc it “distracts the male staff” and the time they called all the girls (or afab people lmfao) into the hall to tell us we were “asking for it” bc of rolling up skirts and makeup and made everyone who had them take off makeup/nails and roll down skirts one by one. And that shits just commonplace in schools fr it fucking makes me want to kill myself tbh although I vastly prefer directly insulting a full room of 14 year olds calling them whores to treating mentally ill or VAGUELY stressed people like actual fucking children. Call me a schizo freak and get it over with fr. Genuinely fucking thought this shit would end by sixth form, apparently not! Yeah everyone else in the school looks at me like an adult, and you lot keep saying we’re “young adults” now, and oh yeah sure I can legally get married, have a job, generally am above the age of consent, I’m learning to drive, but oh no! Still have to get not just treated like a kid, but baby-ed. At this point I don’t even feel patronised, I feel fucking insulted.

A different time one of those teachers asked me if I was going out with my female friend while I was trying to express concern for them because they’d pretty much gone missing (it’s complicated), and when I said no they then asked me if I wanted to, which I’ve never fucking gotten over bc why the fuck would you ask me that, but that’s by the by

Can’t wait to leave the school system behind forever fr.

#vent #I guess man #school

[ombrathefurry]

What happens during all of Phoenix’s behavioral states/what do they look like? (I would check Toyhouse but it’s blocked ;-;)

Quote from her toyhouse page + quick sketches of eyes:

Phoenix, being quite unstable and unmedicated, exhibits an array of severe consistent mood swings that vary her behavior enough to the point where they could practically be defined as alters. The components of these mood swings can be defined below.

Normal/Default

Phoenix’s default state is the most common out of all of these mood swings. When Phoenix is in this state of mind, her eyes match to their initial biological appearance. Her right iris is blue, and her left eye is a gold-ish yellow color. Both of her sclera are black, and her pupils are easily visible and most often narrowed to slits despite her current mental state or light level (to some extent.) Her standard behavior is active. She is aware of her surroundings and capable of thinking logically, however she’s still notably awfully cruel and sadistic. The difference between this state of mind and other more hazy ones is that Phoenix is aware of how awful she’s being. Despite this, she carries out her actions anyways, contrary to how she’s being driven by what could be described as instinct or overwhelming drive while existing in aforementioned alternate mental states. Personalizing her actions to maximize the amount of discomfort for whatever individual(s) around her, Phoenix is very intent on presenting herself as a terrible person to everyone she interacts with.

Trance

Trance Phoenix is a frightening pinnacle of Phoenix’s extreme moodswings. Everything about her eyes will remain the same, besides the biologically impossible physical change of her pupils taking on the appearance of slitted x’s. While Phoenix is bad enough on her standard basis in her foundational set of behavioral patterns, trance Phoenix takes everything that makes default Phoenix an already terrible person and significantly amplifies it. This set of behavior is a result of her old behavioral patterns and choices becoming extremely obsessive, enforcing a type of delusional feverishness that makes her choices all the more compulsive and uncontrolled. On top of this, she is definitely all the more terrifying. Phoenix will become extremely obsessed with inflicting all sorts of pain to others in the cruelest way possible, putting forth even more of an effort into personalizing her experiences for those she interacts with. Nothing is more important to her than to inflict the absolute maximum amount of severe suffering onto these victims. While other states of mind have the ability of rational thought of multiple topics, trance is only capable of completely fixating on causing harm. Trance would be incapable of focusing on anything other means, otherwise the behavioural pattern would not capable of being classified under the trance category.

Kind

Kind phoenix is a result of a temporary reversion to Phoenix’s foundational behavioral patterns, or the behaviour of what could be compared to as the “legal alter” in a system. (Note that they are not the same thing, but are fundamentally similar.) This array of behavioral patterns offer a glimpse into how Phoenix behaves when she was medicated, pre-breakdown and mentally stable. During this state, her eyes will have an unnatural amount of highlights in them, and her irises will appear to be glittering and sparkling. Considerably contrary to most of Phoenix’s other behavioral patterns, she’s very kind, gentle and happy. She’ll do her best to be respectful to everyone she interacts with. This state of mind is a very delicate one, and is very easily broken. This sends Phoenix back to her normal, up to date behavioral patterns. One must sustain her focus completely in the present moment, and attempt avoid her thinking too hard about recalling recent events. The proper remembrance of such events would remind her of the blurred time that has passed since her breakdown, sending her back to her present behavioural patterns.

Durkillesburg

Destructive, irrational and eerily quiet, this behavioral pattern allows for some pretty severe damage being inflicted to Phoenix's proximities. While in this state, Phoenix’s eyes will turn to a bright, glowing neon pink. Her pupils will contract due to how much light is being emitted by her eyes and simultaneously being taken in. Phoenix would barely exhibit any form of emotional response while in this state of mind. On top of this, this state allows for the processing of some of the strongest impulses Phoenix is capable of experiencing. Most notably, the presence of an irresistible urge to destroy everything around her through the process of blunt force. With the circumstances of her perpetually contracted pupils, her eyesight would be reduced to that of being very poor. This circumstance contributes to her destructive nature, beating both living and lifeless objects because she's incapable of processing their states of being. Phoenix, being a paranoid person, is not incapable of discerning what in her proximity is s threat, resulting in her acts of destruction being a form of self defense. This array of behavioral patterns is quite rare, and has gotten rarer with time as Phoenix learns to feel more comfortable and less threatened by the world and individuals around her.

Vent

This behavioral state is more of a physical state than a mental state, however it is unique enough that deserves its own section. Vent phoenix, unlike other sectors of behavioral patterns, is a result of a physical disorder rather than a neurological one. When in this state, Phoenix’s eyes will turn dark gray, and her pupils will resemble small black x’s with an absence of irises. Phoenix's body would be undergoing a severe situational episode, causing an uncontrolled physical reaction that stems from the requirement to expel excess blood (as Phoenix was born with a disorder enabling unmanageable generation of blood.) There is more text on Phoenix’s physical disorders and descriptions of her hemoexpulsive reaction in the appearances section. Horrifically, Phoenix will attempt to cut herself open to relieve the pain of the reaction, as the need for loss of blood serves as the catalyst for this reaction. The process is very painful and admittedly very frightening, which results in Phoenix being in a state of severe mental distress. In attempts to distract herself, she will sluggishly attempt to carry out her usual acts of cruelty and sadism, but it’s difficult for her to focus on personalizing experiences which leads to repetition in her methods. It also leads to more reckless choices, as there aren’t as many immediate consequences for such. Phoenix tends to cope with fear and paranoia with violence, and this is no exception.

Murders

The rarest and most mysterious behavioral pattern, murders is considered enigmatic for where it came from, what started it, and why Phoenix behaves the way she does. When Phoenix lapses into this state, her eyes will take on an extremely pale look, as though they had been glazed with a layer of matte gray translucent substance. Similarly to her durkillesburg and bloodmoon states, she’ll be completely mute. However, contrary to her bloodmoon state, her mouth is completely visible and functional. Despite this, she still refuses to utilize it for anything other than the manipulation of facial expressions. She’ll either hold it in a wide smile or a cartoonish frown, no more and no less. Biting, speaking, or even opening her mouth are considered off limits. This behavioral pattern is the most pattern-like out of all of the other states, with her conscious behavior consisting of one repeating objective. She seems incapable of rational thought, as though she were a robot with one repeatitious objective and possessing the inability to stray from a specific set of instructions. When in this state, Phoenix will chase down one victim at a time, drag them into a clearing in the woods, and beat the living daylights out of them with her bat or any other bludgeon she can make do with in that moment. She seems to have an aversion to sound, as she will also attack any sources of noise, unrelated to her objective or not. Phoenix will continue to attack until her victim passes out, before tossing them out of the clearing, and setting off to find another subject. Conditions for activating this state of mind are very specific. It’s comparable the occurrence of 'blue haze' or an aurora; everything needs to be perfect. These triggers include things like the light outside (semi-twilight), the area she’s in (pine forest with minimal to no undergrowth), whether or not she has her bat or access to a weapon, and whether or not she can see the night sky (thin cloud coverings). This behavioural pattern can seem more like a personal tradition rather than an alternative state of mind, only being classified as such through the physical change of Phoenix's eyes.

Bloodmoon

Caused by the reddish glow of the moon, this occasional behavioral pattern is rare but predictable. When Phoenix lapses into this state, there is no way you can influence her to snap out of it until the night of the blood moon has passed. When in this state, her eyes will resemble that of Trance’s eyes, with the exception of her yellow iris being completely bloodred and her blue iris having a smudge of red on its left side. Throughout the entire duration of the night of the blood moon, Phoenix’s entire body will shake violently and she will have significantly lowered motor control due to her heightened sensitivity to the moon’s light. She’ll also give random twitches or spasms that can be discerned as pseudo-tics from the rest of her tremors, especially twitching her red eye and ears. On top of these circumstances, she is also completely mute. Oral dysfunctionality is another defining trait that will last throughout the blood moon. This oral dysfunctionality includes that of locking her jaw and vocal control, which devests her ability to emit sound or opening her mouth. Her only interest or objective is that of killing everyone around her in the bloodiest way possible (making long, deep cuts, targeting large veins and arteries, making as many cuts as possible, etc.) She exchibits an insatiable urge to draw as much blood as possible, and will follow that objective mindlessly like a robot (similar to Murders.) No amount of blood will satisfy her thirst while she’s in this state. She’ll try to experience the presence of blood through all of her senses, (seeing it, smelling it, hearing the sound of it moving, etc) except for taste, but she does rub the substance over her locked mouth and areas around it.

Flowering/Nostalgia

This behavioral pattern is caused by the presence of mass hallucinations inside Phoenix’s head, which consequently sends her to the calmest state she could possibly be while unmedicated. Said hallucinations obscure her entire view, however don’t alter anyone else’s perception despite her belief others can see what she can in that moment. This isolated, peaceful environment she’s perceiving causes her to feel an immense feeling of peace and safety, which would disperse any thoughts of hurting, killing, or causing distress to anyone including herself. Elimination of the need for her violent coping mechanisms brings her a powerful feeling of relief and tranquility. Interacting with her will show itself to be completely safe, albeit confusing while she drones about things that aren’t actually there. Although she’s unable to visually perceive her surroundings, she is quite aware of them, and is capable of navigating her environment. Her physical appearance doesn’t change at all throughout the duration of which her hallucinations last, but the look in her eyes would be more than enough to display a descrepancy.

While her behavioral differences can make her seem like an entirely different person at times, it's important to remember that these are simply different emotional extremes applied to Phoenix as a person. While unmedicated, her moodswings are the harshest and most dramatic. Medication allows for the severity of her moodswings to be lessened and averaged out to less intense extremes.

ANYWAYS quote's ended but I really need to work on my Toyhouse more

I'm almost done all the pfps, and a couple other projects need to be finished first before I can start writing profiles in detail

I plan on putting absolutely everything into Toyhouse when I'm done setting everything up so ombra fans will have plenty of content to consume when that time eventually arrives

#answered #art #oc #character development #im sorry but #how does your blocking system work #like tumblr is not blocked but toyhouse is #not that im judging im Just Wondering what the thought process was #toyhouse #blood tw

[milascenta]

November 18th 05:03

I'm thinking you're either at comic con or getting ready to go, either way I hope you have a lot of fun and that it takes your mind off of things, because you deserve to have a lil break. I'm so glad you got to surprise your friend with something spontaneous, but I'm sad you had to call off something else due to work. I hope you have fun in Wales, I've never been to a convention or comic con or anything like that yet, I really want to go. We have something called Supernova here (not sure if its anywhere else) and its pretty much comic con but legally distinct haha. I know it must of been hard on the 8th of Oct, it sounded really beautiful the way you spent it though, with all his favourite things. I absolutely love Monty Pythons too, its how my dad and I bond too, constantly making Holy Grail references and everything. I'm really glad you've started counselling too, I hope its going well, it can be really useful. You've been doing really well recently even if you think you haven't, things have been intense and its understandable to feel stressed or overwhelmed, but you're taking the right steps to help you out.

I've finished with the band stuff, had my last gig on the 11th. It went fine, but turned into a single launch last minute which was weird but didn't change much lol. I realise I never told you the band's name, or maybe I did but any its Billy Puntton and the Mental Health Plan, its a mouthful lol. We had a few songs out now on Spotify and youtube. I'm both glad its over and not, it was the only thing I kinda had going, but it wasn't something I liked in the end so its a weird feeling but at the same time I do feel like a weight is off my shoulders, I don't have to worry about it and spending so much money going into the city for practices and gigs, cause it would cost so much.

I'm near the end of my health stuff, blood work was all fine, and now I'm going in for surgery on the 21st, a couple days before my birthday. This will be a small surgery to take a piece, like a wedge, out of my first rib near my sternum to free up some space for my vein and artery to sit, which should fix outlet syndrome. It will be a day surgery too so I shouldn't be in for very long, maybe a day for observations. Then hopefully I can get on with my life haha. Its been just waiting and not being able to do anything, and more waiting recently and its driving me insane. I should be able to get training early next year for a new job and that should help too. I'm not going to make any promises but I hope to get back to streaming soon, hopefully after surgery but it should be around 9-10pm start. I have done some more upgrading and have finished my pc for hopefully a few years haha.

I haven't had much else going I'm afraid so this isn't a very long post. But I hope to have more to say next time. I hope you're doing well N.

"How did it feel when it came alive and took you, out of the black? it broke your skin and shift through"

#her

[gadawg-404]

When will you gun nuts realize that Universal Background checks and Red Flag Laws will go a long way to stop School Shootings. We don't have to ban AR-15s to do this.

“Gun nuts”.

You have the freedom to do anything you do in the USA because somebody else took up a gun and risked their life, honor, fortune and more. The right to own a gun is not just for protection and hunting…. It is literally a natural right to keep government in check. What other rights do think need a background check to exercise? Just who gets to determine why another person must give up their God given rights because of something in the past?

We have background checks. Hunter Biden lied on his, clearly broke the law, yet folks like you aren’t calling for his arrest.

Red Flag laws? They are unconstitutional. Here is the thing. Around 99 percent of all legally owned guns will never be used in a crime. Yet you want to go after responsible people in the quest of your Utopia. Utopia is a myth. Freedom is dangerous.. less freedom is even more dangerous. Care about children? Advocate for the training and arming of teachers. Mass shooters love “no gun” zones and avoid places where the victims are armed. Also eliminate the publishing of the shooter’s name and image. They lust for infamy.

Put this another way? Do you trust the government? Any government or party? It’s sad if you do. Power corrupts and government is powerful. So it’s not about guns, background checks and idiotic red flag laws. It’s about keeping the government… and regular bad guys in check. Over 2.5 million civilians use a weapon to prevent death, injury and theft every year. The actual number is likely significantly higher.

Want to protect kids? Arm and train the adults around them.

I note that 11 teens a day die due to texting and driving. Hundreds of thousands injured annually. No headlines, no national horror. No national movements to ban teens from driving, an activity that kills over 4,000 teens annually.

You want to end school shootings?

Arm and train the teachers who want to do so. Keep the knowledge of who is armed private. Have classroom doors hardened so each classroom is its own safe room. Have video cameras in every room and hallway in the school. Make sure that the police can easily access to the video feed in an emergency.

When the police arrive they will instantly know where the shooter is. No need to waste valuable time and manpower to clear every room while searching for the shooter. Seconds count in active shooter events.

The fact is every shooter is mentally unhinged. Interestingly enough the overwhelming majority of mass shooters are progressives.

Some want to go after the AR style of rifles. AR stands  armaLite, not assault rifle. All rifles account for only 2.6% of murder annually in the USA. In 2019 rifles were used in 364 homicides. 1,476 deaths were caused by knives and cutting instruments. 1,591 deaths were caused by hammers and blunt objects. Rifles cause less death than hammers and knives by a large factor.

They bottom line is there are many solutions to better protect the lives of students and educators that don’t impinge on the natural rights of all citizens. They are cost effective and can be implemented on the local level. Those that want to leave students at risk can choose to do so. This is Federalism. Each state deciding what is best for itself.

Yes there are gun nuts in the USA. They are hoplophobes.

[georgierre]

Can we hear about the george fic?

HI ANON THANKS ANON FOR ENABLING ME YOU HAVE FREED ME FROM MY CHAINS

okay so i've wanted to write some sort of fic about george feeling wonky about his career in f1 for a. LONG time. i have outlines for different fics — one where it's an introspection on his bitterness towards lance, one that's more like perfect blue where loses grip on his identity, one that's dialogue heavy and bojack-inspired with existential conversations — but none of them really Clicked and it just ended up becoming drafts on my shelf.

then, i had a very like. peculiar idea of george running away impulsively. like, he outright Quits and fucks off somewhere because he doesn't want to pursue f1 anymore. i have this planned after george has 2 world championships, because i want george to realize how empty he feels after reaching his peak (first win). like, the depression is Real, he really can't find anything worthwhile in f1 and feels trapped and overwhelmed, so he just goes "fuck it!", packs up and isolates himself from everyone.

(i'll put this under the cut because it is Long + intro to the first chapter is here too!!!)

the fic is actually HEAVILY inspired by daremebyday's fic "for all the honest world to feel" with is drag race rpf of trixie and katya (this is an rpf friendly space yes) wherein trixie hits a mental low, lies to her manager about needing time to write an album, then just rings a random friend to bunker up away from LA. it's such a raw and sad and just Real fic, probably one of my favorites (drag race writers are no joke) and i wanted to adopt some of the story elements of it (think of it like, i'm making an au with this as the basis) but some of the central themes and character introspection are much different. i don't intend to plagiarize anything, i promise, but some events and characters will mirror the original fic.

in my fic, george leaves after the imola gp, packing his bags and heading for london. he has no particular plan. there, he accidentally bumps into nicky who is still studying in the london business school, and he allows george shelter for as long as he needs. these two are two sides of the same coin in my potential fic, but for how, you'll just have to wait til i make it. the main reason i picked nicky as george's roommate and main Bestie for the fic is bc 1.) the dynamic seemed interesting since they both have experienced being stuck in the worst possible team in f1 for two years but having to act like nothing's Wrong. i am a SUCKER for two people stuck in bad situations they have to make do in, especially when they become good friends just because they have no choice. 2.) since george is literally throwing away his f1 career, i thought nicky would be an interesting guy to volley with because he chose to study instead of pursuing driving elsewhere.

other factors of this fic include: this is a georgierre fic! because i like georgierre! they're not gonna be the central theme of the fic until like, a while, but if george and nicky are like two sides of the same coin, george and pierre are sort of like narrative foils. in the fic, george doesn't bother informing pierre about running away because he knows pierre wouldn't run away with him. it's not toxic per se but pierre is everything george thinks he's not, and it hurts for him to think about it. pierre's definitely not doing okay though my god, imagine your favorite person in the world cutting contact from you without saying anything. no closure no reassurance no whatever, just gossip about how george somehow ended up with nicky, and you're thinking about what you possibly did wrong

the fic is definitely inaccurate in a sense that, i don't think george can legally do that without fucking up sponsors and contracts and whatnot, but if it's any consolation, toto has picked up on george's defeated mannerisms a year early, so he IS responsible for george being allowed out scot-free. toto's not mad, maybe frustrated but not mad, and the one thing he tells george is that, the only time he will be disappointed is if this decision of his amounts to nothing. if it turns out george was just wasting this privilege of being let out, toto will never allow him back into merc.

so, central theme! george has to figure out what he wants to do. he's literally pressured into making his impulsive little run away scheme something worth it, which is HEAVY, because george is not mentally okay either. he explores it through going around london, talking to nicky, ignoring all the messages from colleagues and family, blah blah.

i have the first half of the fic already outlined, but the second half i still need to work on. the first chapter, though, is finished, and i can give u all a LONG sneakpeak of it (aka the intro):

[The moment George picks up his new iPhone and heads home, he knew it was over.

There's not much of a difference between this phone and his old one. When he turns it on, it displays the default, aurora-like backgrounds Apple utilizes, and it dawns on him for the first time that, he's really doing this.

He adds important contacts from his previous phone, then downloads all his necessary apps which, actually, is not a lot, since he doesn't plan on redownloading any social media. There's the obligatory WhatsApp (although he doesn't bother syncing his old account), Puzzledom (he needs something to keep his jittery hands busy), and Spotify.

Once he manages to find a radio of upbeat songs, he gets packing.

All his clothes are hastily pulled from his hangers and tossed like basketballs into his luggage. All his toiletries are put into little ziploc bags he conveniently prepared last night. He funnels in a couple of pens in a small pocket inside his backpack, then his diary and important documents. He doesn't clean the mess he's made as he fumbles around, too invigorated with this unique kind of adrenaline he's feeling.

Finally, he gets his old phone. He opens up his Notes and copy pastes a few messages he's made days, even weeks before, into some WhatsApp chats.

To his coworkers,

I know this is incredibly sudden, and I apologize, but I won't be racing anymore. Don't worry, I'm not going to kill myself, nor am I going to do something else crazy like join a cult. I am just going away to self-reflect. Please don't send anyone after me, nor look for me yourselves. 

Thank you for everything. George Russell out.

To his friends,

I'll disappear for a while— I need to settle some new realizations I had. Not any stupid ones (I know what you're thinking Lando), more life-changing ones. I'm not going to do anything crazy like murder someone (again, looking at you Lando), but I'll get back to you all in a couple of weeks or months. I hope you understand, and bye for now.

To his family,

Hi, I'm very sorry for how sudden this is, but I'm going to take an indefinite time off from everyone to find myself. I won't do anything crazy, and I'm not getting abducted, don't worry. This is none of your faults, and I promise I will get back to you soon. 

To his team,

I know this is going to be a huge hassle for all of you, but mentally and emotionally, I cannot continue racing. I am not going to do something horrible, don't worry, but I'll be going away. Please don't look for me.

I need this.

I hope whoever replaces me does well. Thank you to everyone for everything you've done, especially Toto. I wouldn't be here without you all. But respectfully, I feel like I'm missing something, and I'm going to find it. I hope you all can understand, and I hope that I see you again someday.

Use the remainder of my salary to make up for lost net worth. It should be enough. I calculated.

And to Pierre,

I'm sorry. This is not your fault.

I love you.

After a long press and a sigh, George's old phone vibrates violently as it finally shuts down. He thinks he saw a part of Pierre's name displayed in his notifications.

He still brings the phone with him, just in case.

With a suitcase and backpack on hand, he skims different available flights out of France, selects one headed for London, and books a taxi to the airport.]

#ame rambles #my writing #wip

[decaffeinatedchaosdemon]

I can feel the downward spiral into a depressive funk.

My chest hurts, and I can even feel it in my stomach. It hurts to exist. But I can't cry because there are too many things going on for my family, and really crying just to cry would be a little self centered. I still live with my parents. My mum is absolutely calculated and cutting when it comes to mental problems. Most of the time, yeah, she is a good mum, and I do love her. But I don't enjoy being around her anymore. I do it out of obligation. I like hiding away in my little apartment when I can.

Scratch that. I don't really.

My dogs are in the main house. So is running water and trash bags so I can clean in here.

But I constantly feel scared waking up whether I've slept too late or am being lazy already. She swings between being very compassionate towards my disability and understanding that it affects my sleep schedule and energy, to just saying that I'm lazy and unmotivated, hiding behind my illness. I never know who I'm going to get when I go out there, and these issues go beyond just my energy levels. She will be either sweet as butterscotch or picking apart every bit of my interests and personality and existence.

Today she told me that she wanted me to think of an idea for dinner, so I started asking what she was in the mood for and making nervous small talk. She said "I don't care! I just need something solid for the first time in a few days. Think of something." Granted, we have been fighting lately to find out if my sibling has a child from a one night stand, and their ex partner has been horribly toxic every step of the way. But today we have found out niece is in fact my niece. The whole ordeal, however, has been a legal fight of bushwhacking through lies and stalling tactics. She's likely just overwhelmed with trying to figure out how to break the news to our rather large family that we now suddenly have a seven month old out of thin air.

Anyway, keeping that in my mind, I went downstairs and got a box of chicken tenders and a box of onion rings, thinking it'd be a fun supper, and she seemed delighted. But her fridge was so freaking full of things that should have been thrown out. So I as I try to help her out with this, she tells me what to do, as I'm doing it.

"Obviously you can't fit that in there, you need to rearrange things." As I'm assessing the entire mess of things.

"You can't just move stuff, things need to be thrown out." As I was already getting up to get the garbage.

Finally I brought up my worries about my disability and whether it would hinder my siblings custody case. Ideally I would have done it later, but I knew that my brain would forget if I did, so I tried to get it out of the way. She just grew more and more exasperated. But I'm excited to be an auntie. We never grew up knowing our own, just because they decided that they wanted nothing to do with my father, their half brother. I want to be better than that. After she brought up a few good points, I thanked her and just let her know that I had been worried, because I never thought of these things, but it was met with a pointed "It's fine, but I'm not really in the mood to talk right now. I'm a bit busy posting about [sibling's] new baby."

Usually, I try not to have my phone on me. She only messages me personally to tell me to do things. My partner regularly brings up the concern that she uses my being housebound as a reason to use me as a free housemaid, even though I don't fully agree with him. But somedays she does bring up that it's the least I can do since she regularly "drops everything to drive me everywhere" and that she "built an apartment for [partner] and I to live in". He also brings up that she will regularly use my medical issues as an example or a "hey I'm a disability ally" in media posts, even though I dislike talking about my own disability around people I know.

We are saving up to move out. But days like today, and everyday really, are a cycle of tamping it down until every bit of my soul aches and I'm dysfuctional. But god forbid I should say something, because "I'm the spoiled child, and I don't get to complain if I have it this easy." Years ago I used to be suicidal, but I now talk myself out of the thoughts because a funeral would be to expensive, and I do have a partner and friends who need me as much as I need them. I live fairly remote, so my friends aren't nearby. Visiting them is a whole day, so we try to do it once a week. My partner works a nightshift, so he desperately needs to sleep during the days. I feel alone, and I've tried joining online communities. I can't get therapy because getting mental help is met with shame here.

But I feel like I live with a martyr. I'm not her daughter, just a tool for media and household maintenance. It hurts emotionally. To my very soul. I'm temporarily the only unemployed resident for the moment. She works from our home as a small business crafter and marketing consultant, and I'm proud of how far she's come. She's awesome at what she does. And I'm very happy to pull my own weight in the house, and to shut up while doing it. But I'm tired of playing the game of "Mary, Mary Quite Contrary". I'm tired of guessing which mother I'm holed up with for most of my day, everyday.

#help #i need somebody #not just anybody #mental health #mental health support

[joons]

The way you've phrased your opinions on sex work and abortion gives me a pretty good idea of what the answer to these questions are going to be, but hell, why not: how do you want to see men held accountable for their part in pregnancy? How much are you willing to see your taxes go up to cover the cost of programs that provide ANY mental/emotional/medical/financial support women with unwanted pregnancies need? Do you support the creation of easier, faster processes for parents to give up their parental rights to unwanted children of any age? And how do you reconcile adoption as a solution to unwanted pregnancy with the well-documented reality that the foster care system is overburdened, that the overwhelming majority of Americans don't WANT to adopt (and those that do statistically avoid infants of the races most impacted by lack of access to abortion), and that and kids in the foster care system can be subject to neglect and/or physical and sexual abuse from their caregivers, plus lasting psychological trauma from the insecurity and uncertainty of life as a foster child?

In order:

Completely.

A lot.

Giving up a child of any age is kind of whack, but we have lots of safe haven laws.

Foster care and adoption procedures and industries need to be reformed, but this is not something pro-choicers have tackled either.

There are so many parents who want to adopt that there are not enough children that can be placed. This is somewhat of a warning sign, as it can lead to unscrupulous adoption scams or even trafficking. On the other hand, it can mean that adoption agencies can be more thorough and careful about selecting the right families.

Foster care is important in my area, which has been hit hard by the opioid epidemic, which is the leading reason why a child might be placed into foster care. There have been great results at increasing foster families through recruitment drives as part of a collaboration with governments, nonprofits and churches. The people in my life who have stepped up to meet this need inspire me more than I can say.

There is a difference between recognizing that we need interventions to help alleviate trauma that happens to someone through no fault of their own and wiping our hands and saying, "Actually, these children are better off dead and will never grow into anything of worth and will never value themselves." I just really cannot even wrap my mind around it, if I'm being honest.

We cannot eliminate suffering by eliminating life, unless we're all ready to pack it up when Hale-Bopp comes around again. I believe we have an obligation to reject misanthropic worldviews like that.

Did you know that in the U.S. only 37% of adopted children are white? Seems like those who adopt want to provide homes for children of all kinds, so we cannot pretend there is a great disparity among racial groups, while abortion clinics have historically attempted to target those communities specifically.

I like talking through these issues because it helps me think and refines my focuses. But I also think it's quite ludicrous to say that pro-lifers have not been doing this work and thinking about these issues for a long time and that they must shoulder the full responsibility of creating a perfect world. If the early pro-choice battle cry of "safe, legal, and rare" were true, perhaps many of these issues would have been tackled earlier, as both sides attempted to eliminate the "need" for abortion? Maybe Planned Parenthood would offer a little something to support ... parenthood? Or maybe we have let ourselves get a bit sidetracked, and the myopic focus on abortion from pro-choice advocates has left pro-lifers to try to pick up the pieces?

#messages #Anonymous #pro life

[heartofspells]

How did it go between james whenever he eventually got to see Sirius again after chapter 17??

Well. That's a very good question, my dear. And I could tell you, or I could tell you.

Behind cut because this does contain spoilers for chapter 17 and the epilogue of At the Healing Edge of Broken.

TW: referenced blood and violence

When James' mobile dings with an alert, he nearly drops it in his haste to read the message.

Remus: Sirius is safe. I found him.

James stares down at his screen, not comprehending for far too long. I found him. Sirius is safe. I found him. Found. Sirius is safe.

He pictures the blood pooling over the dirty floor of the changing rooms, Gideon laying in the middle of it, sees the blood staining the pristine walls in Sirius' flat, the shattered, decimated objects scattered on the ground. Sirius is safe. But is he? Maybe physically he is, but mentally? Will he ever be safe or whole again?

James grips his phone tightly in his hand, bending forward, resting his forehead on the steering wheel of his car. He tries to breathe. I found him. He gives himself five minutes. Only five minutes to feel it all, to wallow in the fear and the dread and the relief that at the very least, his friend is found and whole enough to be considered safe.

When his time is up, James pulls himself upright and texts Lily, telling her to meet him at home. Then he drives, the silence overwhelming but he can't turn on the radio, can't take his eyes from the road as the lines and other vehicles blur in his vision.

Lily beats him back, James explaining everything to her. He grabs Sirius' spare keys and they leave again, Lily driving to the park. James fetches Sirius' bike, Lily following close behind, keeping a watchful eye because James can't legally drive the thing. Once home again, bike parked and stored safely, James can do nothing but wait. He sits, he paces, he kicks at the carpet in frustration. Lily watches him for a time before she silently trails away, her scrunched face showing just as much concern as James currently feels, has felt for months, possibly even years, just always pushing it down, burying it away from the light.

When his phone sounds in his pocket, James scrambles for it, Lily poking her head back in the room, having heard it, too. James stares at the screen again.

"They're at Remus' office," he says, voice monotone. Lily steps closer, her hand reaching out, resting on James' arm at the crook of his elbow. He looks up at her. "He's not…hurt. Not like we thought. But…Lils. He's got – Gideon, he – " James stops, the words refusing to come out. He lifts his hand instead, wrapping his fingers around his neck. Lily frowns at him for a moment before her face falls in understanding, her own hand lifting, resting lightly at the base of her throat.

They sit together after that, talking quietly for a while before falling to silence. Lily takes his hand, leaning her head against James' shoulder as they both stare distantly into the empty fireplace, their thoughts drifting in the same direction.

It's only when they hear keys jingle in the door that they finally move again. James lurches up from the sofa, sock-clad feet digging into the carpet beneath him as he races across the room, meeting Sirius in the hall when the other man steps over the threshold. Remus is behind him, standing in the fading light, casting sharp shadows over the street beyond, but he hovers on the step, not encroaching, simply observing.

James stops, staring at Sirius. The first thing he notices are his sunken eyes, the grey of his irises dulled, lines deeply etched into the skin of his face. His gaze drops to his neck, and James' hands clench into fists when he sees the bruises lining his throat so prominently. He takes in Sirius' kit covered by a too large shirt, his bandaged hand and taped fingers. Sirius looks like he's been drenched, dried out, beaten down by a torrential downpour again, and then wrung dry until there's nothing remaining of what once was. James aches for him, deeply, painfully, the kind of suffering that settles and works its way into flesh like a horrible splinter that won't come out without slicing skin.

Sirius doesn't speak, barely meets James' eyes, expression heavy with guilt, self-hatred, so much agony James can feel it radiating off him. He can sense Lily behind him, can tell she wants nothing more than to rush forward and wrap Sirius in her arms, but she resists, and for that, James is grateful.

"Hey, Pads," says James finally, hating the way his voice cracks in the middle. He digs into his pocket, pulling out the shattered remains of Sirius' phone. "I got your mobile."

Sirius' eyes skim up, resting on James' outstretched hand for a long, silent moment before they shift, lifting and finally meeting James' gaze. He's not sure what Sirius sees there, but his friend's expression twitches, wobbles, and then he's laughing even as his face collapses. He darts forward quickly, faster than James can track, arms extending, wrapping James up, weight draping over him. James responds immediately as Sirius' laughter turns to sobs, pressed in and vibrating against his neck, his own arms gathering his brother up and holding firmly, hand smoothing over his back as comfortingly as he can manage, only trying his best to be a solid presence when Sirius needs him the most.

"James," attempts Sirius, but his voice and words become lost in his choking cries. James holds him tighter.

"I'm here. I'm right here, Sirius. I'm always here." James' eyes flit between Lily and Remus, still standing a distance away, both watching Sirius with anguished expressions. "Lily's here. And Remus." The other man nods a little at him in agreement. "We're all here. We love you. You're safe. We keep you safe. You just have to let us. Nothing will hurt you like this ever again, I promise. I promise, Sirius. I won't ever let it happen again."

Sirius cries against him for a long time, and James lets him, holding on, never wanting to let go. There's so much here to sort through, pick out. Mountains to climb and bridges to rebuild, but James won't ever let Sirius do it on his own. He'll always be here with him for whatever his friend needs, just as he's always been.

#wolfstar #sirius black #james potter #lily evans potter #remus lupin #at the healing edge of broken #ask #answer #extra snippet #outtake #my writing

[stellacadente]

oversharing time don't read this if self harm / suicide talk especially but also just mental illness stuff? triggers you ily <3

i haven't told that many people i think (but everything's a blur in general let alone lately with how much i'm struggling mentally so? who knows?) but i tried going to therapy again a few weeks back. maybe a month ago. and i so badly wish it worked out. it was all well perfect it was close by (no driving license, not enough will to live to take possibly several buses/metros + it's gonna be summer and i hate hate hate summer weather etc etc) she was a good listener i liked her way of approaching therapy she told me we'd make a kind of survival pact (if i was actively suicidal, i'd have to call her) i had good impressions at first. too bad there were giant red flags when it comes to her reaction to me being trans. don't wanna go into detail rn but while i don't think she was ill intentioned and i believe she'd be willing to listen i'm just not gonna go into therapy long term, expensive stuff at that, to teach my therapist how to treat trans people right. i was comfortable except whenever trans stuff came up and then i was severely uncomfortable and the more i thought about it afterwards the more i grew uncomfortable. i didn't even wanna talk about being trans, i had to mention it bc legal name and all but she insisted on the subject with invasive stuff when i didn't say anything beyond responding to her what are your pronouns question with "he, i'm trans, call me nico like i wrote on the appointment request".

but yeah i really wish it'd worked out bc i really need therapy. and it was fucking hard to try again after my last not great experience. i literally had to hit rock bottom and almost attempt to get the courage to give it another try. i was desperate. and i'd say i'm not desperate anymore even without therapy i'd say i don't feel completely hopeless 24/7 which is obviously good! but the thing is that it is all so incredibly hard still and i know it'll go back to being harder and harder to deal with and i'm just very scared. i don't know how to keep myself from slipping into the depth of the abyss again, how to keep myself as... healthy? i guess? as possible and keep it like that. i can't do another huge breakdown in 3 months or 2 or 1 or 2 weeks and then crawl out of pitch black darkness and build up my will to live again and repeat.

i'm not actively suicidal anymore. for now. like really, for now, but i don't feel like it's gonna last long. i feel myself looking down from the edge into a bottomless pit. and unfortunately i've started self harming more and more often again. too often. like obviously any often is not good but it's becoming a habit and that's fucking dangerous, so so dangerous. i don't wanna get stuck in that again. but i don't know how not to. i find comfort in it. i know rationally it's a lie my mind tells me, i know it's a short short relief that does not help in the long run. god i wish knowing all this shit rationally helped even a tiny bit to make things easier. it doesn't. i can't stop. it's great in the moment, by which i mean i do it, i feel less overwhelmed. but then starts the frustration. instead of anxiety and sadness i feel frustration and tiredness.

i just. i'm always so tired. i wish everything could stop for a while. i wish i could just... breathe. i feel like my entire body is always on alert. my anxiety fuels my back pain. my need to stop being so lonely makes me try desperately to cling to people and i can never be healthy in my attempts at social interactions and then i feel more frustrated and more anxious and more overwhelmed and i hurt myself and think awful things about myself and really, truly believe them. it's all. too much. i more than anything want a break from myself, my mind and body. i would give anything for it. i just can't give my life. that's the only way i know how to stop thinking for a while, to die or try to. but i must not. but god. tired and overwhelmed and need to shut my thoughts off.

i'm not sure what i'm saying anymore. my brain is so tired and done with today. sleeping now. i think i will start volunteering at a cat shelter and help out an association that helps various people and causes but the cat shelter thing might turn out to be the worst idea and i'm super stressed about it and i don't know what the fuck i'm doing or how to deal with my feelings and how to be a normal fucking person for once. idk. i'm fucking just trying to find ways to do things to go out to try and not get stuck again. i don't know anything anymore, just hope i survive. mostly

#read beginning for TWs thanks

[bestwriting]

Pay Someone to Take My COMLEX Exam for Me

Introduction:

The Comprehensive Osteopathic Medical Licensing Examination (COMLEX) is a crucial assessment for osteopathic medical students seeking licensure in the United States. As the stakes are high, some individuals consider alternative paths, including the option to "pay someone to take my COMLEX exam for me." Pay Someone to Take My COMLEX Exam for Me This practice raises ethical, legal, and educational concerns, as it undermines the integrity of the examination process. In this comprehensive discussion, we will delve into the main reasons why individuals might contemplate such a decision, examining the various factors that contribute to this questionable choice.

I. Pressures and Stresses Faced by Medical Students:

A. Academic Demands and Competition: Medical education is renowned for its rigorous curriculum and demanding schedules. The sheer volume of information that students must absorb, coupled with the constant pressure to excel, can create an overwhelming academic environment. The competitive nature of medical schools fosters an atmosphere where students may feel compelled to seek shortcuts to secure their future careers.

B. Fear of Failure: The fear of failure in high-stakes exams like the COMLEX can be paralyzing. Students invest years of their lives and significant financial resources into their medical education, and the prospect of not passing the licensing exam can be emotionally and psychologically distressing. This fear may lead some individuals to explore unauthorized means to ensure success.

II. Financial Burdens of Medical Education:

A. Tuition Costs and Student Loans: Medical education comes with a hefty price tag. Tuition costs for osteopathic medical schools can be exorbitant, and students often rely on loans to finance their education. The pressure to succeed in licensing exams becomes even more pronounced when coupled with the looming burden of repaying substantial student loans. The financial strain can drive students to contemplate drastic measures to secure their investment.

B. Opportunity Costs: The prolonged duration of medical education means delayed entry into the workforce. This "opportunity cost" further intensifies the pressure to pass licensing exams on the first attempt. Some students may see paying someone to take their COMLEX exam as a shortcut to expedite the process and start earning a salary sooner.

III. Mental Health Challenges in Medical Education:

A. Burnout and Mental Exhaustion: The demanding nature of medical education can contribute to burnout and mental exhaustion among students. The incessant studying, long hours, and exposure to emotionally Pay Someone to Take My COMLEX Exam for Me charged situations in clinical settings take a toll on students' mental well-being. In such circumstances, the desperation to find a way out, even if ethically questionable, may become a tempting option.

B. Anxiety and Test-Related Stress: High-stakes exams inherently induce stress and anxiety. The fear of not meeting expectations, coupled with the potential consequences of exam failure, can lead students to consider unconventional strategies. The quest for a shortcut to alleviate test-related stress may drive some individuals to explore the option of paying someone to take their COMLEX exam.

IV. Ethical Dilemmas and Professional Integrity:

A. Erosion of Professionalism: Medical professionals are held to the highest ethical standards. Engaging in dishonest practices, such as paying someone to take an exam, undermines the very foundation of professionalism in the medical field. It erodes the trust placed in healthcare practitioners and compromises patient safety.

B. Consequences for Patient Care: Success in licensing exams is directly tied to a medical professional's competence and knowledge. A practitioner who resorts to unethical means to pass exams may lack the necessary skills and understanding crucial for providing quality patient care. This poses a significant risk to public health and safety.

V. Legal Implications:

A. Violation of Testing Policies: Examination boards, including the National Board of Osteopathic Medical Examiners (NBOME) responsible for COMLEX, have strict policies against cheating and impersonation. Engaging in such practices can result in severe consequences, including the annulment of exam scores, disqualification from future exams, and legal action.

B. Criminal Charges: Paying someone to take an exam on one's behalf constitutes fraud and is a criminal offense. Individuals caught engaging in such activities may face legal consequences, including fines and imprisonment. The potential for criminal charges serves as a deterrent but does not eliminate the temptation for some who are desperate to succeed.

VI. Conclusion:

In conclusion, the decision to "pay someone to take my COMLEX exam for me" is influenced by a complex interplay of academic, financial, and mental health pressures. The high stakes, coupled with the challenges of medical education, create an environment where some individuals may consider unethical shortcuts. Pay Someone to Take My COMLEX Exam for Me However, it is crucial to recognize that such actions not only jeopardize the individual's professional future but also compromise the integrity of the entire healthcare system. Efforts should be directed towards addressing the root causes of these pressures, providing adequate support systems, and reinforcing the importance of professional ethics in medical education. The goal is not only to ensure the competence of future healthcare practitioners but also to uphold the trust and confidence that society places in the medical profession.

#assignment help

[srhhrtmn21222]

Step 1 - Unmanageability

What does unmanageability mean to me?

Not being able to control being arrested and put on felony probation. And not being able to control how family and friends view me.

2. Have I ever been arrested or had legal trouble as a result of my addiction? Have I ever done anything I could have been arrested for if only I were caught? What have those been?

I was arrested after falling asleep while driving. Luckily, I hit a ditch and not another person. I would've been arrested on more occasions if I had been caught shoplifting. I've also sped and ran stop signs while using, to get to places faster so I could use again.

3. What trouble have I had at work or school because of my addiction?

There was times that I fell asleep on the toilet while at work due to being up all night. I also would smoke in the bathroom if I felt like I needed a fix and left my employees to deal with customers.

4. What trouble have I had with my family as a result of my addiction?

Luckily, most of my family knew I couldn't control my using and didn't hold it against me. But there was a few family members that didn't want anything to do with me until I got clean.

5. What trouble have I had with my friends as a result of my addiction?

Most of the friends I used to have no longer talk to me. The few that do were some that I used with in the past, but are clean now.

6. Do I insist on having my own way? What effect has my insistence had on my relationships?

I burned a lot of bridges by insisting on having my own way. Some people felt like I cared about nothing other than myself when I would act that way.

7. Do I consider the needs of others? What effect has my lack of consideration had on my relationships?

I rarely would consider what others needed. A lot of my friends cut me off because they felt like I know longer cared about them and what they needed in life.

8. Do I accept responsibility for my life and my actions? Am I able to carry out my daily responsibilities without becoming overwhelmed? How has this affected my life?

I accept that everything I've done in life were my own decisions; I have no one (and nothing) to blame but myself (and my addiction). I do occasionally become overwhelmed with my daily activities. I feel like I can't get as much done as I could when I was using.

9. Do I fall apart the minute things don't go according to plan? How has this affected my life?

Not necessarily the minute that things don't go right. But if things continue to go wrong, then I become overwhelmed and start to break down.

10. Do I treat every challenge as a personal insult? How has this affected my life?

When first getting clean, yes. I had a hard time trusting people because I felt like they were questioning me and challenging me at every turn. Now that I have more sobriety time, I feel like those who challenge me only do so to strengthen me.

11. Do I maintain a crisis mentality, responding to every situation with panic? How has this affected my life?

In the early days of recovery, yes. Most situations would cause me to get in a panic if I didn't know how to handle it. It caused me to want to avoid going out and doing anything because I was afraid of how it would cause me to respond.

12. Do I ignore signs that something may be seriously wrong with my health or with my children, thinking things will work out somehow? Describe.

I don't really have any signs in myself or Ranyra that would cause me to believe that there could be something medically wrong with either of us. However, I do believe that after 7 years of using, there is residual effects that I may not notice.

13. When in real danger, have I ever been either indifferent to that danger or somehow unable to protect myself as a result of my addiction? Describe.

There's only 1 situation I can remember. There was some teenagers that I used to hang out with and use with that had bought firearms illegally. One day when me and another buddy pulled up to their place, we were informed that just a few minutes prior, some of them had to rush to the ER because one of the boys that was there accidentally shot another boy in the stomach while they were goofing off. Luckily, the one that got shot made it through without too many serious life-long issues. However, I've always thought "that could've been me that got shot" if I had been there just shortly prior to when we got there. But while using, that possibility of danger didn't affect me or my decisions.

14. Have I ever harmed someone as a result of my addiction? Describe.

Intentionally, no. While using, I always maintained my desire to treat others the way I wanted to be treated. However, I know there is friends and family I emotionally harmed by my actions and choice of words while in active addiction.

15. Do I have temper tantrums or react to my feelings in other ways that lower my self-respect or sense of dignity? Describe.

While in active addiction, I did respond to my feelings in negative ways. I was a lot more irritable and didn't think of how it affected others, nor how it affected my self-respect and dignity.

16. Did I take drugs or act out on my addiction to change or suppress my feelings? What was I trying to change or suppress?

Originally, I started using to lose weight. But when I started dating (let's call him) Robert, I continued to use because of the abuse I received. I didn't know how to work through my emotions during this situation and used to avoid facing them. I also regularly would use to "fix" my mood when someone who make me mad/upset.

#NA #RecoveringAddict #NAWorkbook

[just-a-thought-or-two]

A thought or two on being overwhelmed and scared

The state of my finances is horrible. Not just horrible. Terrifying, awful, all-encompassing. The amount of debt I’m in, with how little I make, at the age of only 21, is overwhelming. I cannot breathe when I think on it. I got a speeding ticket a few months ago. I was going 86 in a 70, which is illegal so sure, I get it. I am upset that I most likely would not have been pulled over if it had not been 7am and if the roads had not been empty and if the cop didn’t need to meet a quota. But it is what it is. The ticket was almost $200. I don’t have that kind of spare change. I was afraid to tell my grandparents because I knew they’d be disappointed and upset and would pay the fine. So I didn’t tell them. Now I missed a court date and don’t have a license because I couldn’t afford the fine. If I get pulled over again for anything or if I have another accident, the repercussions would be much much worse. I’m going to have a point on my license, unless I go to traffic school, which also costs money. Getting my license reinstated is going to be an extra $40. That’s about how much I make in one day. It’s just so stupid. How am I supposed to get the money to pay the fine if I can’t drive to work in order to make the money in order to pay the fine?

I’m just so tired.

I want nothing more than for life to be simple and to not worry about money. More than half of my nightmares are about money and the others are all about being convinced everyone in my life hates and resents me.

I’ve been considering taking out a loan. I owe money to my grandparents, to my credit card, to school, and fees, and probably other things I can’t remember right now. I have a list somewhere. And the problem with having a bunch of debt in different places is it builds and it builds separately and it is so overwhelming, I can barely function. Consolidating it all in one debt payment, though the interest would be a nightmare, might make it more manageable for me mentally. I don’t know. It almost feels idiotic to do it, but I feel like I’d be able to breathe if I don’t owe my grandparents money. I owe them $3500 and it makes me choke with guilt. My grandfather needs to retire. He’s old and not in great health and works a hard job. The man’s had open heart surgery for fucks sake and is still working in the coal mines. It’s just not okay that I’m holding them back.

I think I’m going to call my mom. I feel less bad asking her for money because after all the years she didn’t take care of me, I deserve a little help when I need it. That sounds rude but she didn’t pay for any of my shit for years to the point she couldn’t even claim me on her taxes, even though I was legally in her care. I didn’t even live with her.

I don’t know why I’m being aggressive about it. We’ve actually been repairing our relationship and she’s been being a mom. It’s been amazing and I’m a little scared it will end. I think I’m mostly scared that I’m not scared if that makes sense? I believe her, and I love her again, finally, and that’s terrifying.

I just really need a hug right now.

I wish Nana were here. She gave the best hugs. I miss her every single day.

R. Rushing

February 22, 2023

[birminghamlawattorney]

How Do I Know If I Have a Personal Injury Case?

Anyone who has been in an accident and is considering a personal injury claim case wants to know if they will be successful. The truth of the matter is that there is no such thing as a guaranteed victory when it comes to the law. To find out if you have a personal injury case in such a lawsuit, you must show that the other party acted negligently or recklessly and that their actions or inaction caused you harm. An experienced personal injury lawyer can estimate the value of your claim so you may petition for all the damages you could be eligible for, including punitive, economic, and emotional loss-related damages, and more. Your rehabilitation will benefit from the time you will save by hiring a lawyer. How Can I Know If I Have a Case? Most personal injury claims are based on the legal concept of negligence and responsibility. Therefore, to have a personal injury case, a person must have been injured by someone who breached the duty of care and that resulted in their injuries. You can have a duty in different contexts. For example, we all have a duty of care when we share public streets and paths. That is the principle behind why we are all subject to traffic and driving laws. This can be broken down into specific elements that will require a specific assessment of the facts of your potential case. You Suffered Injuries As A Direct Effect Of The Incident A personal injury claim’s main goal is to recover compensation for damages. Both punitive penalties, which are meant to punish the defendant and discourage such behavior in the future, as well as compensatory damages, which cover both economic and non-economic losses, may be awarded to claimants. You would not have a basis for a personal injury claim if you did not sustain damages, such as an injury or loss. When The Incident Was Caught On Camera. Currently, we are totally immersed in a world of accessibility to camera surveillance, even through cell phones and smart devices. Thanks to this it is possible that your accident has been caught on camera. If you can provide video or photographic evidence that corroborates your story and shows negligence on the part of the defendant, this can greatly improve your chances at trial. Although witness testimony is excellent, there is nothing more convincing than being able to review the accident exactly as it happened. There Is A History Of Similar Events. Frequent patterns of behavior or similar incidents can work in your favor when you try to sue another person or company. For example, let’s say you were injured after slipping and falling down some rickety stairs at a local store. Upon investigation, your attorney discovers that dozens of other customers had similar misfortunes at this establishment, but the business failed to make the repairs that would bring these stairs or the general building’s safety standards up to code. How Much Compensation Can I Get? It is difficult to measure how much personal injury compensation can be worth. Unfortunately, the expenses go beyond just medical bills. When you are involved in an accident that results in an injury, the costs can add up, especially if you are unable to work and are losing wages because of the accident. In many cases, these injuries are seemingly minor, but if not treated properly, they could cause problems later on. It’s also common for people to be unaware of how these injuries also take a toll on the lifestyle they might have had before. The mental effects that can result from accident injuries can also affect relationships with others. Compensation for personal injury cases depends on your case. Each case is unique and must be treated with importance and care. Having a personal injury attorney on your side, fighting for your right to compensation, will not only be beneficial to your case but will also prevent you from feeling stressed or overwhelmed. The legal system can be hard to navigate, especially if you’re focused on your recovery and financial situation. Many victims choose to consult with an attorney to learn their rights. Get The Best Legal Advice Being injured is a physically and emotionally challenging experience. It can be difficult to sort through the events that caused the injuries, keep track of bills, and focus on recovery at the same time. It is both reasonable and practical to seek legal support from a reputable personal injury attorney without delay. At Belal Hamideh, we understand the financial difficulties associated with recovering from an injury. Therefore, our attorneys only work on a contingency basis, which means we only charge you an attorney’s fee if you receive compensation for your case. If you would like more information on how he can help you or schedule a free consultation with him, you can call him at (562) 526-1224. Adequate personal injury compensation may be within your reach with your help.

[shini--chan]

I have an idea! What would Allies do after finding out that their s/o have (another) stalker? It can be another yandere, a creep, ex, jealous coworker with bad intentions or even a serial killer.

And a good idea it is, my dear anon.

Yandere Allies – Feindling America

You were already fast asleep, snoozing away under the covers in your shared bedroom. He, on the other hand, was still wide awake and had decided to settle down in the living room to do some light reading. His insomnia was due to the usual reasons – too much caffeine, too much stress, too much curiosity to just let the day finish.

And because he was worried, intently, about you. There was somebody else trying to stick their grubby fingers in your shared life, and pry you apart. That was something he was absolutely sure off. After living so long, and becoming paranoid due to his position on the global stage, he knew very well when he was being watched.

There was something after you in particular, he didn’t like it.

Out of his peripheral vision, he caught sight of somebody moving in the bushes. A spike of adrenaline shot through his body, and for a moment he was tempted to storm about side and give that creep a hook. Yet a better idea came to mind – first to fire a warning shot.

He net his book aside and sauntered to one of the glass door to the balcony and gave the pane a few sharp knocks. It was enough to catch their attention. It was almost comical how the figure froze, and the hood swivelled in his direction. Alfred couldn’t identify them in any capacity – they wore non-script jeans and a grey hoodie along with a pair of gloves. But this was about digging up the war axe.

Grinning, he flipped the bird at them, and then proceeded to draw a thin line across his throat in an unmistakable message.

Alfred would see this as a chance to play hero. He would finally be able to prove to you how capable he is at protecting you, how attentive he would be when it would water down to your safety. Of course, he would make sure there would be a lot he wouldn’t catch wind off – it would be the instances where he would come off as an evil master mind or as a control freak that he would skilfully hide from you.

He might or might not elect to torture the fool that would be stalking you. For him, waterboarding that creep would be a method of stress relief. It would also drive home the point that nobody should dare try to get between him and his sweetie.

Canada

Besides you, your phone beeped for what must have been the twelfth time in the span of one minute. You sobbed harder and buried your face in his chest. Matthew calmly stroked your back, making quiet soothing noises as he held you close.

“(Ex) will have to leave you be someday. This can’t go on forever. One day that jerk will have to accept that you’re gone for good”, he told quietly, while cautiously shifting his position to a more comfortable one.

You were both on the backseat of his car, having sought sanctuary there after you started panicking upon seeing the messages. All the memories had started to overwhelm you, and you had gripped his arm as if it was the only thing that was preventing you from drowning.

“No, that won’t be the case. Before I met you, I tried to leave so often only to be lured back into it. It was only because I met you that I haven’t gone back”, you cried, gazing up at him with a tear-stricken face.

“Shh, I will think of something. There shall be hell to pay.”

Matthew would be concerned about your wellbeing first and foremost. He would cater to you, cuddle with you, sooth you. But don’t think that would mean he would go easy on you should you step out of line and try to flee from him. When he would say he would never let your ex take you back, he would be indirectly saying he would never allow you to leave him.

Naturally, he would be careful and avoid any explicit rhetoric stating that your place in the world is at his side, but the message would be there, hidden between the lines.

With the legal sway he would hold, he would easily have your ex punished in some capacity. This could range from a fine to a restrain order to spending some time in jail.

China

A scream pierced the silence of the night, followed by a yell as the attacker was swept off his feet. Yao didn’t hesitate to continue beating the culprit up, even though he was on the ground.

After all, this was a man that had just been a few milliseconds away from dragging you away and murdering you, after doing unspeakable things to you, things that couldn’t be lightly talked about in any context.

“So, you’re the vermin that has been butchering people left and right for the past four months. You’re just as disgusting as I expected”, Yao commented as he brought his foot down on his back in a harsh stamp.

You had taken seat on a tree stump that was standing by. The near death experience and the fight going on in front of you had utterly rattled you. You were numbly staring at the scene playing out, heads in your hands, whole body trembling and eyes wide blown.

He kicked the killer in the side and was rewarded was a grunt and a hiss: “And I’ll fucking kill you too.”

“Sure you will”, Yao drawled sarcastically and pressed the criminals head into the dirt. “Get used to the taste of it.”

Contrary to expectations, Yao would approach the situation of serial killer being after you calmy. Not because he wouldn’t care about you, but rather because he would be far to old to be surprised by such a – in his eyes – trivial thing. And because he would know that letting himself drown in anger or panic would just result in him making grave mistakes – ie. losing you.

Nevertheless, he would never be far off, lurking behind corners, just out of sight of you and the murderer. He would also scoure your online activity, searching for any suspicious doings from other users. Furthermore he would use the opportunity to learn more about you and your strengths and weaknesses.

England

“Ah, ah, ah. Keep your dirty paws off that”, Arthur chided Jane and firmly grabbed Jane by the ear, harshly tugging there. It wasn’t the most humane treatment of a mortal, that England knew very well. However, he was in a sour mood, your infuriating co-worker being one of the contributing factors to it. Besides, he hadn’t made it one of his life maximas to be nice.

“You dare”, she hissed. When he gave another sharp tug, she yelped and dropped your phone, showing one of your social media profiles. Jane Smithers was persistent, he would have to give her that. Yet that would just be her downfall because she had decided to use that trait to try to ruin your life.

“Oh yes I dare. I dare to not tolerate your disgusting behaviour. Between you and me, we’re going to have a very long talk about your morals.”

She snorted and grabbed his hand.

“I could sue you for sexual harassment. We’ll see if you’ll still be laughing then.”

Oh, he had expected such a threat to come from such a vile person as her. He chuckled lowly – did she really think she could best him when it came to anything.

“And then spend some time in the nick for lying to judge and jury. Don’t think you’d be able to weasel your way out of this. I’m the one here that can have your framed and believe me, I could get you a bloody life sentence.”

She stared at him, uncomprehending, before realisation dawned and she let out a harsh laugh.

“So that is how (l/n) did it. Slept the way to the top.”

“No. (Y/n) has talent, impeccable talent. So unlike you, my dearest never had to resort to the methods you were so kind to mentioned.”

Arthur would see it as his duty to protect you – your physical & mental wellbeing as well as your reputation. So of course he would go after any jealous co-worker that would try to ruin you to any extent. And as mentioned in the snippet above, he wouldn’t be exactly nice about it. Any means would do for him, as long as the risk of his machinations backfiring on him and you would be relatively low.

During the whole process, he would letting you know about everything. It would be his point of proving that the world is a horrible place and that you can only find solace in his company and attention.

France

Francis was in the kitchen when you came stumbling in, frazzled and panting as If you had just run a marathon. By the way your extremities were trembling and sweat dotted your forehead, he wouldn’t be surprised. The only question was why.

Aside from that, fear danced in your eyes, and that was the only further information he needed to know that something was wrong. Rushing forward, he scooped you in his arms, ignoring the coffee that he had been preparing, and asked you:

“What happened, ma cherie?”

Instead of answering, you leaned your head against his shoulder and wrapped your arms around his torso, taking heavy, laboured breaths, as if you were crying. That was when he realised that you were. It worried him.

Was this something that he had done? What had caused you to become so distressed? Was it something he could fix.

“You don’t have to talk about it now if you don’t want to”, he offered shakily, unsure about what he should do to cheer you up. How could he, when he didn’t know why you were in such a state?

Thankfully, you supplied him with an explanation, one that caused his concern to freeze to ice cold anger: “There is some creep following me. He grabbed my butt when I got off the bus.”

Whoever that devil was, he was going to have hell to pay,

Francis would be enraged that somebody would be so disrespectful of your boundaries and of the fact that you’re already taken. In the brief moments of his more intense bouts of fury, he might do something as rash as to track the creep down and bludgeon him with something, probably a newspaper.

However, his preferred method would be character assassination (this would work especially well if the culprit in question would have a high social status) and verbal abuse. In this case, his revenge could be long-winded and very elaborate.

Russia

The temperature of the corridor had dropped since the last time he had visited – a testimony to the bad insulation and the approaching winter. Ivan thought it did her justice. After all, she did deserve this after nearly kidnapping you.

Speaking of her, she was sitting near the bars when he approached and when she glimpsed him, she quickly scooted away. Clever; she had learned from what had occurred the last time.

“Come to taunt me again?”, she seethed, curling into a tight, haggard ball of fury. Understandable in her case, however he wouldn’t shed any tears or have any sleepless nights.

“As is customary. I have to elevate your boredom somehow”, he confirmed, grabbing a chair and seating himself opposite her.

She stared at the door at the end of the passage, hungerly tracing it and searching the shadows for any sign of you. Ivan derived pleasure from mocking her: “How foolish are to think I would have brought my lover with me? I didn’t the last few times so why should it any different now?”

“You’re so very attached to (y/n), so I had my hopes.”

“Then I’ll have to forever dash them. That I owe you.”

She snarled at this; face twisted to a nasty frown.

“You know, you and I aren’t so different. So it is even more hypocritical of you to claim the moral high ground. Does (y/n) know even half of the things you’ve done in the name of your love?”

“I detest the comparison. I walk free while you rot in solitude, unloved and unwanted. While you have done everything wrong, I have done what was right where it counted most. You go very far by suggesting anything else.”

Russia would be the one to act the most intense of all the allies. He would have had people that were dear to him ripped away from him in the past, so he invest a lot of energy in insuring that wouldn’t happen to you and him.

That would mean he would go up to 11 in this case. As in, he would either kill this person and dissolve their body in acid or feed it to the pigs. Or he would leave this other yandere to rot somewhere after having dragged them before court for a very showy trail to break their spirit.

#yandere hetalia #yandere allies #yandere america #yandere england #yandere russia #yandere canada #yandere china #yandere france