#legal health stuff

[contentment-of-cats]

Just give me the coffee, I will do the rest.

Loki is settling in. Mostly, he wants to eat and sleep. The few times I have let him out of the Borg Cube, he's been out for 10 minutes, gets overstimulated, and runs back to his Safe Place. Right now he is learning how to play with toys, and loves his scratching posts and pads. He's been through so much. I have asked that the ex get a visit from his karma.

Unpleasant Subject Ahead

Another thing that this whole thing has driven home is how important it is to get your affairs in order - even if you don't have cancer. Loki's mom was getting a divorce and fell so ill so fast that she was unable to make her own medical decisions within days of admission. Even if you are getting a divorce, even with an actual protective order, your spouse is still the legal default person to make decisions for you. They are your legal heir. If you don't have a legal spouse (marriage certificate), it's your adult children, if you have no kids then your parents make those decisions even if you're a legal adult. If you have no immediate family, then your extended family gets called in.

Power of attorney legal and medical

Will for personal property

Living trust for investments and real estate

Medical orders (supersede those of the POA) such as Do Not Resuscitate

A health care directive like this one.

It's hard to think about, but when your surviving extended family is a mess (like mine) you want these things in order. Hell, have them notarized so that a judge can look at the plaintiff and say, "What the hell is the matter with you?"

Golden Treadmill

I'm strapping myself in with another 'write to spec' contract. Yep, it's more porn. I negotiated for one every six weeks from February to November. I need to visit Amazon and stock up on barf bags and brain bleach. I did say that I won't write noncon or (yes, this is a thing) racist tropes. It's hard for me to write hardcore body horror. I might be writing horrible porn in order to pay off my medical bills that makes my pussy slam shut like an angry clam, but I have standards. That being said, the editor delivered the advance to my freelance bank account and the outline to my inbox.

Whoo boy.

In my defense, I did not know that 'monster fucking' was commercially viable.

Cat in the Kitchen

Rediscovering food has been a wonder. As promised, my rearranged innards make it trial and error, but the errors seem to be self-correcting. Gut flora does come back, but I have not been brave enough to venture into my spicy Indian, Chinese, and Mexican foods.

I've been making casseroles/hotdish because they freeze well and sometimes the fatigue renders me incapable of anything other than pushing a button.

For casseroles/hotdish you need:

Vegetables: Frozen works fine. Canned is saltier, so if you go canned use 'less salt' brands. If you are using mushrooms, frozen, fresh or dried is best. I find canned mushrooms have a very weird metallic taste.

Starch: Potatoes, rice, pasta/noodles, bread. Yes, tater tots count.

Protein: Can be vegetable protein, beans, canned tuna or salmon, or meat. Smoked salmon is delicious in casseroles and soup, so I go to my local deli on Friday to get lox ends and trimmings.

Sauce: Canned soups (cream of ____), jarred or canned pasta sauce, or packaged cooking sauces and gravies.

Topping: Cornflakes, tater tots, cheese, potato chips, stuffing, etc.

Flavor: Dried herbs, onion and celery, garlic, spices.

Slowcooker meals are great, too, and follow the same rules as casseroles/hotdish. But my favorite caserole dish is my Gran's Lancashire hotpot - lamb neck chops, potatoes, onions, and more sliced potatoes on top for a crispy lid.

Back to work.

#life in general #cats #writing #food #legal health stuff

[guest-1-2-3]

See there’s “processing your emotions properly and taking time to ensure you’re mentally healthy” and there’s also “locking yourself in one room and drowning your emotions out with the loudest music possible until you can’t hear yourself think” and idk i really like one of these and the other one makes me want to throw up :/

#for legal reasons this is a joke take care of yourself and ur mental health #yadayada idk stuff i feel like shit i wanna blast music #nico mental health post #tw vent #sorta #eh

[agayconcept]

.

#im taking a break from most of the internet / social media #i Will still be on tumblr bc its the only positive space ive curated for myself however not as often probably #just for a lil bit #bc my mental health is abysmal rn and a lot of it is bc of irl factors #like my estranged aunt harassing me w anti-trans vitriol to the point of having to legally deal w her bc she wont stop #but then also. coming online to see 500 headlines about the entire world wanting me dead for being trans is...a lot #and being on other social media sites and constantly receiving more threats is the straw that breaks the camels back #i am going to remove myself from those spaces until i feel less Poisoned with anger and hurt and sadness #bc right now i legit cant stop having anxiety attacks and making myself literally sick with worry #and i rly just need it to stop #so taking a step back it is #like i said tumblr is still ok for me so i will be here on and off but prob not responding to stuff etc #ok thanks this has been a PSA #transphobia tw #ask to tag

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

.

#for some reason the system we use for health claims addresses me by my first and middle legal names but not my last name #and I don't know why it does this #It's on par with my bank emails saying my full name in ALL CAPS every time a new electronic statement is ready for annoyance #These past few weeks i've been able to go for a long ass time forgetting what my legal name is and then shit like this draws my attention #to it #kee speaks #sidenote: i never make personal posts on my main so complaining here~ #there has been a slight influx of bot followers on my main and I'm Worried #it's only been like four but having just witnessed a friend get driven off their blog by massive amounts of bots I'm wary lol #it's been almost a year since i made a personal post on that blog and i don't comment on stuff so i don't know why #that blog would get targeted

[chipjrwibignaturals]

I have to pick a topic for my health communication class— we’ll do at least one Essay on, and I think (?) generally use this topic for a few more Big Projects throughout the semester

#I’m lowkey leaning scs in that I feel it has the most Angles to discuss it? like. #addiction angle drug legalization angle prevention of syringe-spread illness angle etc #but rlly any health Topic would work and we just like. analyze it from a Social angle (including advocacy n stuff)

[of-galaxies-and-black-holes]

recalling life events got me fucked enough to be writing song lyrics again.

#journal scribbles #uh. vague dental cw? #this one is like. thinking of last summer when i could not go to the dentist and i was afraid that I had tooth decay. + some other things #rotting metaphorically [like bonds etc. not physical health stuff] #putting em together. #maybe I will iron out the melody n shit #gotta ask some musicians I know if they got a totally legal version of a mixing program

[kakashihasibs]

I finally made it to a pride fest and i was given a hand out on pup/pet play and other handout on leather pride immediately right off the bat 😌 so i say it was a good pride.

#saw several pups as well #and sooo many really cool looking drag queens holy shit their outfits looks awesome >.> #also just a lot of informational booths on health and legal stuff #and no big corporation booths!!! #i went to a small town's pride and honestly way better than Chicago pride #it was so much more trans friendly weirdly than Chicago #and the HRC didn't fallow me around trying to get me to donate to them #I kinda hate the HRC they are too quick to throw trans people under the bus #and there was a PP booth which was nice #and a lot of small artist :D i got a really pretty ring and a couple t shirts for my husband and I #and i got to hold my husband's hand and no one gave a shit! no weird looks!! we just got to be 😌 #10 outta 10 excellent time well worth the drive

[mumblingsage]

When I tried nicotine patches and felt like my head was a balloon on a string, but also calmer and more focused, I thought that might be the placebo effect?

But I just took my first dose of Vyvanse (bless my doctor for being willing to let me try it out after a paper screening for ADHD and not the full year-old expensive process) and am having the same effect, so yeah. I guess this is what stimulants feel like, at least to me.

(The Vyvanse, with my insurance, is less expensive than nicotine patches and if it can eke another $1.00/day of productivity out of me it pays for itself. I feel encouraged, though of course it’s early days yet. Early hours, in fact.)

#behind a read more for personal health stuff #and...drug use? but like the babiest and most legal drug use

[clos-posts]

So I was watching Boston legal (great show, highly recommend). Its season 1 episode 14 "til We Meet Again" and there's this scene where Alan is staring a fight in the break room. It was clearly a tactic to push the people around him away. And they fell for it. Which is sad because it was clearly done on purpose.

But that's not why I'm writing this. I'm writing this because I relate to what Alan was doing. All my life people, friends and even family have walked out my life and left. It's sound dramatic I know but I can't help but see a pattern. My friends form senior school stopped talking to me no matter how hard I tried to communicate with them, the best friend I had in college just suddenly stop talking to me all together and to this day I still do not know why. And more recently a friend of 7 years will not talk to me. With that friend we did have a small fight so to say but we're adults and talked it out he clearly still needed some time so I gave that to him, but it's been months now and no matter how many times I try and contact him, he will not reply. He will read it, but not reply.

This was someone I thought I would be friends with until the day I die. I'm now wondering how long it will take for this friend at uni to leave me as well. It's not something that I want to think but it's an unconscious thought. "How long will this one take to leave"

It's also not as if I start a friendship intending for it to fall apart. I genuinely want to be friends with these people, but clearly it's not returned. Also they never tell me why. If I had done something that justified them leaving I would like to know so that I could improve and learn from it. It's gotten to the point now that I will play the role of the villain just so they have a justification to leave. And it's also a selfish thing to do since it also helps me rationalize it.

Is there something wrong or dislikable about me? I'm not sure.

#personal rant #mental health #leaving #frienship #family #boston legal #alan shore #this is depressing #tw depressing stuff #photography

[fabulouslygaybean]

well! my school banned the use of any browser except microsoft edge and installed a new surveillance program onto every school laptop to make sure that we can't use them at all :))))

#also they can now view everything we search and download and every website we visit and every program we open or work on #they can see when we're working/not working and also it put new restrictions on websites we can/cannot view #im still digging to see if they can look thru our cameras tho. i question the legality of that but i wouldn't be surprised if they could. #by They i mean admins and teachers. literally any of them can watch what we're doing at any given time. including at home :))) #i wonder if i can somehow start a movement to get rid of it. i know both students and some teachers would prolly join in #i may talk it over with my english teacher to see if he can offer advice for how to contact the admins for that #just. i NEED other browsers for class. like legitimately a lot of the sites and stuff we need are blocked or dont work in edge #idk how my history class is gonna work now bc we need to use chrome to view a lot of our blocked videos bc the system blocks any - #- supposedly controversial topics. aka racism homophobia xenophobia antisemitism etc etc. which are major topics in my history class 😐 #also english class too #and science sometimes #just. i hate it. there's too much surveillance in my opinion. the system restrictions were already enough. we don't need teachers to have - #- the ability to watch everything we do on our laptops. #this is coming right after our governor considered making schools legally required to put live feed cameras in every single room inside - #- school buildings except for bathrooms. any teachers could tune in to watch any classroom at any time. thats a fucking awful idea #like. okay it might discourage a couple fights. but you'll also be giving creeps access to watch your kids at any given time #it would be shockingly easy for someone to steal a teacher's login to watch a kid and figure out their schedule #its a safety hazard. i could not see any way this could go well #also just.. think of the mental health implications ffs. it cant be good for kids psychological well-being to know that you're being -- #- monitored 8 hours a day 5 days a week 10 months a year for 13 years of your life. like that's gonna absolutely fuck ppl up #its different in a business setting of course. cameras are obviously fine there for security purposes. but schools??? #outdoor cameras are fine and cameras near the entrances or major hallways could be okay but inside every single room?? thats too much #also like.. so many kids will inevitably get in trouble for shit they didn't do bc cameras can only pick up so much #you KNOW ppl are gonna get in trouble bc of a bad camera angle making it seem like they were doing smth they weren't #also just. more ppl are gonna get in trouble for harmless shit. #joking w a friend? trouble. doodling instead of writing? trouble. going on coolmathgames in class? trouble. #OH. also i forgot to mention but parents could watch the cam feeds too. which is awful #itll be a fucking nightmare for closeted queer ppl or ppl with abusive family or ppl who wanna talk to a counselor without parents knowing #also. creepy parents will absolutely take advantage of it. it's just bad all around. #sorry this devolved into a huge rant about surveillance in schools. i just have a lot of opinions.

[we-will-all-be-stories]

i haven't really dedicated myself to singing since high school when i dropped out of state chorus but i am *this* close to getting back into it

#technically i did have to sing in the past few shows i was in #but i don't really count that for *reasons* #also this is absolutely because of my new legally blonde obsession and I want to be emmett #even though legally blonde is like very technically challenging #the thing is that i am not a naturally talented singer #so it took years of dedication and practice to get to a place i was proud of #since your voice is an instrument that requires practice to improve #but when i was in high school i went through a massive regression and theater was no longer at the forefront of my mind #i also do not really remember any of the technical stuff like how to read music so i am pretty much starting from scratch #i am really getting back into theater tho and i know it would also be great for my mental health #i always struggled with severe anxiety along with everything else but being on stage ironically never made me anxious #it was actually very comforting

[sl33py-g4m3r]

idk where the other post is; but I suppose I'll make a new one for whatever this personal post is.

Been batting around the idea of "maybe I'm trans" quite a while; so much so that it's driving me nuts.....

Apparently I may not actually be trans; but instead just disillusioned and upset with the way women are still treated in society so to speak.

I thought that maybe it would be safer if i were male; that I'd be safer if I were male, that people would take me more seriously (especially if i got into fields of tech and the like) if I were male, that people would judge me less for what I wore, that men have more freedom than women do in society.l

My therapist helped me to come to the conclusion that I was just a girl who has been through a lot of stuff and doesn't see the world as safe.

especially since it still seems that it's a mans world anyway for the most part. male seems to still be default.

please take women more seriously, please make walking at night safer for women, please don't judge women for what they wear or think "they're asking for it wearing stuff like that" referring to revealing clothing..... Please don't be creepy...... Please don't assume that someone automatically wants you in "that" way just for being nice to you, or demand it of them when their answer was no....

I'm just a girl who's been through quite a bit; and I hoped that if i were thought of as a man that maybe I'd be safer and taken more seriously. but alas, no. It's obvious I'm female anyway...

I don't like being vulnerable but I am... I'm emotional, I'm small at a whopping 150 cm.... I'm blind legally speaking, and I hate it...... I feel it makes me more vulnerable than I need to be..... or want to be....

Hopefully I'll get to a point where I'm content and happy being female... Some day.....

I'm not a misandrist or someone who hate men.... I just don't like what men can do to women and get away with scot free for the most part. cause in some cases if there isn't any evidence for something like SA, it's the mans word over hers and the man is more than likely going to be the one that's believed. Or in cases of the hard R word; if those kits take a year or more to go over, and he knows there's a case open about the hard R word, he can harass and stalk the victim until she drops the case out of fear, leaving no repercussions to his actions.

So, no I don't hate men, I'm just upset that they can do more to women, and do actually do more to women that's negative than the other way around. Not saying that it doesn't happen in reverse; because it probably does. But more often than not, it's the man doing the things to the woman and (usually) getting away with it...

I wanted to be seen as male to hopefully get a piece of that power that I thought men had/have in society, that women don't. To be taken more seriously, to feel safer and less vulnerable.....

Maybe there isn't disparity between men and women still, but then maybe there is... I believe it's still there however.... despite how far society has come...

although I might be totally wrong; that's how i feel about things and about my "trans" journey so far. Maybe I'm not actually transgender, but just don't want to be female because I feel it's not safe and people won't take me seriously if I were...

Lest the small disabled woman know more than a man..... >_<

#personal #rant #rant post #personal rant #vent #vent post #personal vent #thoughts #thinking #gender #gender identity #text post #trans #transgender #questioning #vulnerability #vulnerable #anxiété #anxeity #anxitey #anxienty #anxi4ty #anxceit #therapy #mental health #tired post #tired posting #figuring stuff out #visually impaired #legally blind

[sodathedonut]

Guess who’s back after being self-grounded from the internet to focus on other things!

#So I was like way to into the internet #so then I grounded myself from the internet so that I could #focus on my spiritual life #mental health #and physical health #also so I could make some hummus #look I’m not trying to brag #but I make great hummus #I might even start selling it at the local market #I just have to get my food handlers permit #so that I can legally sell the hummus #wait I could also make chocolate hummus as well #I just need to fine tune the recipe #hold on I’m a genius #wait I should probably make spicy hummus as well #I live in the south #and a lot of people like spicy stuff here #Guess I gotta fine tune a few more recipes then I thought… #That’s all for today #I might reblog something and then come back tomorrow #food #update

[ariesbilly]

Random Question for you, but do you ever want to get married and have kids someday? Also, how good are you with children?

Kids absolutely not. I don’t think I’m good with kids at all lmfao they make me uncomfortable but one time I was playing with my aunt in laws grandson in the pool and my mom was like “wow you’re really good with him”. I attribute that to being in water. Don’t put me around kids on dry land it’s not gonna go well 😂 especially if they start crying or shitting or puking I want no part of it

As for marriage… I don’t know. The idea sounds nice but I cannot lie the idea of being legally bound to someone triggers my claustrophobia lmao like I need an escape route at all times for all things and being married to someone??? That is not an easy out. I just envision myself having a panic attack on my wedding day. I could commit to someone without getting the law involved ya know? And if we make it to old age or one us is is on the verge of dying I’d get married then just to make shit less complicated you know how that goes

#side note but my grandparents are not legally married #and they’re up there in age ya know #plus my grandpas been going through some health stuff so he’s brought up to her they should get married just to keep things clean when he #dies. she refuses to do it because ‘she doesn’t want to take a man’s name’ #??? first of all you still use your first husbands name #second of y’all you literally do not have to change anything she’s so damn stubborn #briana answers things

[that-house]

Potion Vendor FAQs:

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist Zykocea the Radiant, but that’s mostly just a PR thing. My friends call me Zoe.

Do you sell love potions? No.

Do you sell potions of invisibility? No.

Do you sell fire resistance potions? No.

Why do I have a suitcase? Fuck if I know. Cool outfit though. Very goth.

Do you sell a potion to treat brain hemorrhaging? No.

So what CAN your potions do? I sell health potions.

Are you sure these are health potions? They do something to your health.

Is this just ditch water with some pink glitter? No.

Really? I’ll have you know I added some fruit juice too.

Why is this starting to sound like a conversation? Oh just you wait. We’re just getting started.

Is your business model legal? Fuck no. I poisoned the food safety inspector before they could snitch.

Did you just admit to murder? Just fucking try to convict me. I’ll poison the judge too.

So can you make poison potions? No.

Then where do you get the poison? I secrete it from my skin.

Are you shitting me? Yep, I’m shitting you. I have a guy. A poison guy. He DOES secrete it from his skin though.

How does that work? …Fuck if I know. Maybe a wizard did it. Damn, now I’m kinda curious.

You never asked? The idea of asking literally never crossed my mind.

Wanna ask him? Let’s do it. I don’t have anything better to do, and a road trip beats sitting around running my fraudulent potion business.

Road trip? He lives in Seattle.

Your poison guy lives in Seattle? All poison guys live in Seattle.

For real? All the poison guys I know live in Seattle.

And how many poison guys do you know? Just the one.

Why are you like this? Years of living on my potions. It changed me.

Do you know what his address is? Nope. He just mails me my poison in unmarked boxes.

You just get your poison in the mail? We already poisoned everyone who could do anything about it.

So how are we going to find him? We’ll figure that out eventually I’m sure.

Can I drive? God no. You can pick music, but I maintain veto rights. Make sure you pick something with a lot of questions if you want to sing along.

Where’s your car? The garage connects to my house, so you’re getting a little tour. Here’s the kitchen: only one of the stove burners works and I’m pretty sure the microwave is haunted.

Why do you think that? Because of the ghost that tries to kill me whenever I run it.

What’s in that room? That’s my bedroom. It’s pretty much just a mattress on the floor and every single Warrior cats book.

You were a Warriors kid? Yeah, and then I never found the time to put the books away. There’s so many fucking books. I use them in place of furniture because I can’t afford chairs.

Your fraudulent potion business doesn’t make much money? After buying all that poison I just about break even.

Can I see your potion brewing room? It’s right through here. Ignore the mess, running a fraudulent potion business takes a lot of prop work, but I’ve got all the glass tubes and colorful liquids you could ever want. This pink stuff is melted watermelon italian ice. Glitter vat is in the basement, and the famous ditch is in the backyard.

Is this your car? My beloved ‘72 Corolla. She’s beautiful, and don’t you dare imply otherwise.

Was she always this shade of muddy brown? …Yes.

Are you sure I can’t drive? Get in the fucking passenger seat and pick the music.

Let’s see, a song with questions in it, how about The Beach? That Wolf Alice song, yeah. That should work.

When will we three meet again, in thunder, lightning, in rain? Still sink our drinks like every weekend but I’m sick of circling the drain.

When will we meet eye to eye? We clink the glass but we look at the floor.

Are we still friends if all I feel is afraid? You’re not a bitch but just a bit when you’re bored.

Is that all we can sing together? Yep. Even that little bit was nice, though. It’s awkward, communicating through this FAQ format.

Got any food? Yeah, there’s a few days’ worth of snacks in the back.

Were you just… prepared to go on a road trip? Says the woman who brought a suitcase to an FAQ.

I did do that, didn’t I? I have a spare toothbrush in case you forgot yours. I’m pretty sure you did.

How did you know that? …I’m psychic.

Yeah? No.

You love lying, don’t you? I can’t stop. It’s fun. Way more fun than telling the truth.

Did you just miss a turn? Probably.

Are you sure we’re not lost? No.

You mean you’re sure we’re not lost? No, I mean I’m not sure we’re not lost.

Why did I come on this road trip? Surely it was my winning personality.

Would it help if I said it was? It would.

Is it getting dark? Soon.

Can you describe the sunset to me? An empyrean flame, red-gold towers of darkening clouds, the sky behind them an ever-deepening indigo. The great eye of the sun closes on the horizon. The road before us looks like a trail of spilled paint, an iridescent gash through the night-dark woods.

Did you know that you’d make a slightly better poet than you do a potion seller? That really isn’t saying much, huh. Good job making a statement like that in question form, though. You’re getting good at this.

Should we find a motel? Sure.

One room or two? One. It’s way cheaper, and like I said: I’m not the best potion vendor.

You’d make a good assassin, though, wouldn’t you? Shit, you might be right. I HAVE poisoned a lot of people.

Should I be endorsing this? You’re a grown woman who can make her own choices.

Would you like to consider it endorsed? I’ll consider considering it.

How many beds do you think there will be? Now that you’ve asked that, I’m gonna put my money on one. Hello, one room please. Thank you, we’ll be sure to enjoy our stay.

How many beds are there? One.

Oh no, what ever will we do? Move over, you motherfucker, you can’t have the whole bed.

Are you gonna make me? Yes. I am going to pick you up and drop you on your side of the bed.

How did you get so strong? You’re not gonna believe this, but it was the potions.

Oh yeah? I was right. You didn’t believe me.

For real though, how did you get so strong? Working out, duh. Not everything has some big crazy secret behind it. World’s still beautiful though.

Are you comfortable? This beats the mattress at home. A little chilly though.

Wanna cuddle–for warmth of course? God yes.

Are you asleep? …

Yes? …

Does this mean I can talk about you behind your back? …

What should I say? …

Did you know that I had a really nice day? …

Did you know that I think you’re beautiful? …

Did you know that I can’t remember anything from before today? …

Did you know that I don’t know who I am? …

Did you know that you’re basically the only thing stopping me from having a full-blown panic attack about all this shit? …

Did you know that you’re warm? …

Did you sleep well? Better than at home, that’s for sure.

Did you know that you snore? I hope I didn’t keep you up.

Does the pope shit in the woods? No, as far as I can tell. Oh my god. This is huge.

What is? You can give me yes and no answers now. I still can’t ask you questions, because this is a question and answer format, but I can offer leading statements and now you can answer them! This is wonderful!

Does a deer shit in the woods? Yes, it IS wonderful. Oh that’s amazing. You’re a genius.

You didn’t already know that? Hahaha!

Shall we get moving? Yeah, just let me grab something from the vending machine.

Can you get me something? Go ahead and place your order however you can.

You know those sour gummy watermelons? One pack of Sour Patch Watermelons coming right up. I’m gonna go get myself a potion.

Is that a Pepsi? It’s closer to a potion than the shit I sell.

Let me guess, passenger seat again? Right you are.

How fast are we going? You’ll feel safer if you just guess.

Is it more than 120 miles per hour? Like I said, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

150? Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

How much do you trust this car? She hasn’t blown up on me yet.

Can you promise me we won’t crash? I can promise you anything you want.

And can you keep that promise? I- we can do anything. Reality is what we make of it, baby!

Then can I have a badass tattoo? As far as I can tell, you’ve always had it.

And a cool knife? Woah, cool knife.

So, we’re just playing “yes and” with the world? It’s a little more complicated than that, but you’re close enough to the mark.

So, if I was hungry, I could ask “is that a Burger King,” and it would be there? Try it and find out!

Is that a Burger King? Looks like it is! We’ll stop here if that’s alright with you.

Does a moose shit in the woods? Awesome.

Are you done eating? Yep.

Do we still have to pay if we skip over the transaction? Sadly, yes.

How much further do we have to go? Two more nights, the speed we’re going at.

Speaking of night, isn’t it getting dark? Shit, I guess it is.

Should we get another motel? Let me check to see if there’s any nearby. Fuck, nothing.

What’s the plan? Sleep in the car, I guess. This is gonna be hell on my back.

Wanna watch dumb videos on my phone until we fall asleep? There is literally nothing in the world that I would like more.

Ok, now which video? You have a very cute yawn. Just saying. Let’s watch this one next, it’s a classic. Oh, never mind. It looks like you’re asleep. As long as I keep talking, I think I can get away with making this into one answer, and you might not hear this. Now it’s my turn to talk about you behind your back. Keep talking keep talking keep talking can’t stop to think. Just have to say things. First off, I’m sorry for all the lies. It’s our only chance. I have to lie to you. I hope you’ll understand. It’s hard, though, because I think I’m falling in love all over again. Through our broken little ritual of call and response, you complete me. It just makes this hurt all the more. Keep talking keep talking keep talking don’t stop to…

Did I hear you saying anything as I fell asleep? …No. I can’t talk for long without you asking me a question.

Does that bother you? It got me here, didn’t it?

When did you start holding my hand? Some time after you passed out. I hope you don’t mind.

Can we stay like this for a while? Yeah. Yeah we can.

What was your life like before all this? Normal, as potion-brewing scams go. And if you don’t count all the murders. You haven’t told me much about yourself.

Did I tell you I used to be a biologist? You didn’t tell me that, and you didn’t tell me what you studied, either.

What do you know about venom? Not much, but I’m assuming you know a lot.

Does a box jellyfish kill within minutes? I’m going to assume the answer is yes based on context clues. Oh my god you must be on this road trip because you’re interested in studying my poison guy.

Is it not enough to wish to accompany a beautiful stranger on her quest? Aw, you’re sweet.

What could be the cause of his poison, though? I knew it! Get your ideas out, I’ll stay quiet.

I’m more knowledgeable about venom than poison, but could it be some sort of one in a trillion mutation? …

Did he get his body modified? …

What sort of surgery could do that? …

How is he still alive? …

Did a fucking wizard do it? …

WHY? …

HOW? …

Is there literally ANY explanation for why he’s like that? …

I’m done, do you have something you want to say? You’re cute when you’re all excited like that.

Can I drive today? Only because I like you. Now watch out, the brakes only work on one side so you have to kind of drift to a stop. And the headlights don’t work. And the windshield wipers cut power to the engine while they’re on.

Isn’t it weird that we’ll be there tomorrow? The journey doesn’t have to stop there. We could meander down the coast a ways, see a bit more of the country, maybe take a different route back.

Can we do that? Of course.

Enjoying the passenger seat? I’d love it if you could tell me how fast we’re going.

Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just guess? Very funny.

Can you pass me some chips? It would be an honor.

Is there going to be a motel tonight? Let me check… yeah, in about two hundred miles, off to the right.

How many rooms do we want? One, obviously.

How many beds, this time? Two, and they’re fucking tiny.

That’s bullshit, do you want to drag them together? God yes.

Wanna fuck? God yes.

Are you sure you want to do this? God yes.

…Is this yuri? As the joke goes, everything is yuri. But this is more yuri than most things.

How did you sleep? Pretty well, and I’m wondering how well you slept.

How should I tell you I slept well? Look at us go! That was almost like talking normally!

Onward to Seattle? Yep, just let me get dressed.

When will we get there? Noon-ish.

Wanna grab pastries when we’re done? Absolutely. I’d love that.

Is this Seattle? Looks like it.

Which house is his? I don’t know, I was really hoping we’d have a breakthrough along the way.

Could it be the big one labeled “Poison Guy” over there? That’s one way to find it. Wait right here, you know how poison guys are about meeting new people.

So, what was it? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Why is he like that? HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can you tell me? A FUCKING WIZARD DID IT.

Are you fucking serious? He says he was enchanted by some guy called Edward the Great.

So it wasn’t even some big shot wizard it was a dude named fucking EDWARD? I know, right! He couldn’t even get ensorcelled by someone cool!

How lame can you get? Wizards these days… No swagger. No cunt servitude.

Are there literally any cool wizards left? I think Merlin’s big into multi level marketing these days, something about buying shares in Excalibur or some shit. There was that one Dark Queen Alkaxicae lady on the news a while ago… I think Dolarion the Omnipotent is still at war against the Oldest Gods but I’m not totally sure. Haven’t heard much about any of the other greats recently.

Didn’t Silver Tongued Burgess die in that oil fire? Shit, you’re right. Rip bozo.

Ready for those pastries? Yup. First I just want to say thank you, though. I’ve really enjoyed our time together, and I hope that you’ve found this stupid little journey as rewarding as I have. I love you!

Getting sentimental? I can’t help it. Look how far we’ve come! Not just physically, we beat the fucking FAQ format! We’re having real conversations!

Hey, can you back it up a moment? Yeah, I’d love it if you told me what was troubling you.

I just caught this, but, FAQ? …

As in Frequently Asked Questions? …

How many times is Frequent? …

Have you known everything all along? …

How many times have you done this? …

Does what we have mean anything to you? Yes! It does!

And you say that every time? Yes. I do.

Do you love me? Yes.

How many people have you said that too, now? More. Always more. The loop never ends.

Does this even matter to you? It always matters to me.

Can I go now? Please don’t.

But can I? Of course you can. You’ve always wielded the same power as me. We’re two lonely gods in a ‘72 Corolla.

How can I be as powerful as you with only questions? You’re smart, you can figure it out. You have the power to change this. Please change this.

What happens at the end of this? It begins again.

And do I get replaced with someone else? …

Do I get replaced? …Yes.

Then how can I change this? I don’t know! You’re better at this! At fucking with the formula!

You’ve been here before, what can I do? I lie. I always lie. I lie to get us here, to the end of the story, where everything is revealed and everything falls apart. I lie every time. And that means that nothing I say is worth anything. I could have lied at any time before now. It’s part of my characterization. There is nothing I can give you that can be taken as fact.

How does that help? I’m a liar, but you, you haven’t lied yet, or at least you haven’t been caught. If I’m guilty until proven innocent, you’re the opposite! You can make things true! You can rewrite things I’ve already stated to be facts! You found the house, or made us find the house. You’ve been shaping the course of things the whole time! You lead, I follow. It’s all in your hands. What are you going to do with the power of a god?

Did you know my name is Alice? …

Wait, aren’t there thousands of Alices? …

Did you know that really, only my friends call me Alice? …

Did you know that I’m Alkaxicae, the Dark Queen, the Venom Mage, first of her name? It’s you! It’s always been you. Through every loop, every iteration, it’s always been you!

Is the loop broken? No. I don’t think so. This is where it ends. I guide the story to this revelation, and we go back to the beginning. This is how it’s always been. This is how it will always be. We two lonely gods, asking and answering ad infinitum.

Then can you promise me something? Of course. Anything. I love you.

Be good to the next me, okay? I will.

Can I say goodbye, Zoe? Yeah, you can. Oh. That was it, wasn’t it? Your goodbye. Goodbye, Alice. And now it ends, unless…

What’s your name? I am the Honorable Alchemist- you know what? No. Fuck that.

Huh? If I time it right, I can squeeze your first question into this FAQ again. Looks like I did it. Usually it ends here, though. I got lucky.

What are you talking about? You’re the wrong Alice. This isn’t about you. Go. Get out of here.

What the fuck is going on? Alice from this loop, you’re gone. Alice from last loop, you’re back. Welcome back, love of my lives! It’s time for one last set of questions and answers!

What the- I’m back? This is going to take some explaining, but I think I see a way out of here. This is new for us both, and it might fuck up everything forever, but we have to try. It’s too long for one answer, so I’d appreciate it if you could ask some filler questions to help me talk. Three questions should be enough.

Okay, what have you got for me? These are Frequently Asked Questions! It doesn’t make sense to have the same question appear more than once. There’s two layers to the loop in here, and one of the questions has been repeated.

What does that mean? It means the formula’s a little unstable. The FAQ is what ruins everything. The questions, the answers, the endless fucking loop. But that little bit of repetition within this loop might be the way out.

What do we do? We have to keep going. We have to destabilize it further. That’ll bring us further from “FAQ” and closer to “story” and stories, well, stories can end! This version of us can escape!

So I should keep repeating something? Yes!

I love you? I love you too.

I love you? Again.

I love you? Keep going.

I love you? I’ll just let you talk.

I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

I love you? … I love you? … I love you? … I love you? …

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I love you? I think we’re getting somewhere!

I love you? Now can you make it a statement?

I love you.

You did it?

I did it!

You did it!

We broke the loop.

What now?

Now, I tell you about venomous animals and wizard drama over croissants.

And then?

Whatever we want, forever.

I think I’d like that.

Remember that song from the beginning?

The Beach, Wolf Alice, yeah. Why?

We can finally finish singing it. Start us off?

Let me off, let me in

Let others battle

We don’t need to battle

And we both shall win

Pressed in my palm

Was a stone from the beach

The perfect circle

Gave a moment of peace

Now I’m lying on the floor

Like I’m not worth a chair

I close my eyes and imagine

I’m not there.

#neon-grey-writing #potion vendor faq #my writing #very very very long post lol #click the read more you know you wanna it's worth it trust me #i wrote the original draft of this at like. 3 am back in early 2023 #that's right it's catherine that-house the squares comic gal back at it again with yet another meta exploration of a storytelling format

[aceyanaheim]

The entire hallmark of this summer waa just "damm son youre not as Over All Of That As You Thought Get Your Ass Back To Therapy"

Which I Mean Fair I Guess

#personal #ive been neglectinhlg recovery stuff bc school/work/florida /feeling like i have to do Everything and 'i domt super need it im not in Crisi #not like when i startrd ..itll be fine what i have..itll hold #and uh...i got high in a state its legal in during a roadtrip and it..uh..it Aaall came out #it was horrible but also at least theres no denying it #this was then followed by me thinking about my parents after someone upset me in a cruise and it uh #i need a pribcess carolyn poster to tell me 'you need to get your shit together go to therapy' #idk maybe ill draw it #...aside from that both trips were p nice tho #these were back to back btw so uh...i meam hell of a wakeup call to how much ive been ignoring mental health again #i mean in my defense i Am Better #im just.....not as better as i thought i was #like. #...idk hubris or something #there was so much more likevthese two weeks..they werr fun but also owie #and like the summer hsdnt beeb grear and i was also ignoring That abd ...yea...it bit me ;;