#also just. more ppl are gonna get in trouble for harmless shit.

[symptoms-syndrome]

I haven't posted in a bit. Anyway I'm gonna bitch under a readmore as per usual.

I know I have a "the thing I hate abt the way people talk online' thing every other week. Anyway this time it's about like. The way people use "neurotypicals," and it isn't even beef with how people use "neurotypical" to mean "not mentally ill" when that's not even what it means.

There's smth about the way people use it that strikes me as odd bc people will be like "oh only neurotypicals get x" or "neurotypicals hate when u x" or whatever when it's like. Not even really related to any sort of neurotypicality or anything at all it's just like. Neurotypical is just used for "people who don't get it" which like. Sometimes is just "people not in on these niche internet memes" or "people not in fandom" like I guarantee you getting annoyed at someone for making everything an anime or meme reference is not "#neurotypical things" or whatever it's just that they don't get it. Am I making sense? My brain feels at like 30% charge today.

IDK I think it's also weird bc it's used in really weird ways sometimes and like. I think people are getting too comfortable w the idea that "neurotypical" just means "people who are rude to me/don't get me" which is weird not only bc you're assuming someone else's mental wellness or whatever but also bc there are absolutely mentally ill, autistic, etc people who will also do those things.

Esp when it's used in like. IDK ways where it's like "oh neurotypicals don't understand that I can't do the dishes bc I've been playing my fave video game" or some shit like that like it's circling right back to "autism = childish behavior" sometimes. Like some things that people label as #neurodiversity are just like. Refusing to learn, being rude, being childish etc. And a lot of things labelled that way are harmless (like. While it's annoying to label "obsessed with anime characters" as a #neurodiversity trait it's mostly just annoying) there's def some things I think will have greater consequences, mostly stuff related to like. Interpersonal relationships. Like I do obvi understand they're gonna be different for ppl w diff brains n stuff. But simplifying things to "the way Neurodiverse people Do Thing (correct)" and "the way Neurotypicals Do Thing (incorrect)" is so. Reductive and pointless but also often? Bad. Not being able to communicate your feelings and just stewing in resentment isn't #neurodiversitythingz it's emotional immaturity and they're not the same thing. Like autistic ppl do have more trouble than neurotypical ppl w labelling and communicating our feelings but that isn't an excuse to just be like "LOL it's #neurodiversity Neurotypicals™ need to deal w it" bc it's also harming like. Other not-neurotypical people. I guess I'm just tired of people hijacking the idea that autistic people don't need to change just for the sake of "not being weird" just to say that autistic people never need to change or grow...ever. bc that's not really. What that's supposed to be about. Autistic/mentally ill/etc people also do need to grow and mature etc just like #Neurotypicals (if there is such a thing, which also brings the idea that people are reframing the fight against a systemic issue to a fight against individual people they perceive as not mentally ill)

IDK it's just. Immature to me. Also so...dismissive of people who don't fit into your mold of what you think mental illness/autism looks like.

IDK if this makes sense. I'm just bitching bc if I see another post that's like this I'm gonna flip a table I think. It's given me such a knee-jerk reaction to any post about "neurotypicals" bc I just automatically assume it's bullshit.

[weaselbeaselpants]

Honest to god, not bad feelings to mostannoyingfandom-poll. Having looked up their blog I see they're doing some elimination process thing where they're going to pit the most of the most annoying fadoms together to see which one's the worst, and also I'm fairly certain they're just having fun.

I get it. It's fun.

The reason I'm peeved isn't because they actually are looking for trouble or being definitive in this fun little poll-collective, it's that sadly, I know other fandom-critical people are. Believe me I want to be having fun...I'm just concerned that these situations will quickly turn into what happened with "Your Fav is Problematic"; dumb basic jabbing turns into legit vitriol.

I dislike Harry Potter and want it boycotted and I'm fine with Steven Universe being hated because it is problematic and it's fandom toxic. Whatever. My issue is these voting systems are unfair and based on popularity and appealing to certain fractions of fandoms. Star Trek is a multigenerational subculture with multiple incarnations to it's name and plenty of spin offs that has seen rise and falls in many different fandom controversies to it's name if you poke around and ask people who aren't on tumblr....but unsurprisingly people on tumblr who know and hate steven universe more are gonna be more mad at Steven Universe, where Star Trek they're gonna go ahead and write off as "harmless" because they're either not in that fandom like me or just don't know the extent to which the kinds of toxicity spread out. Idk, I feel like comparing Steven Universe to Owl House's fandom or She Ra's fandom would have made for the better, fairer poll.

And again, comparing a fandom who's only vocal 'everything's fine' supporters are TERF altlight apologists to It's Always Sunny is just uneven. I don't know shit about It's Always Sunny- but again there's other more toxic examples you could have pit it against.

And I see this a lot because there's a lot of pitting one property against another when they really don't have the same base worth comparing and especially not when I know of one thing involved because it's iconic and the most popular vs the other niche thing that I'm sure has it's own toxicity but...I've never fucking heard of it before. I'm just saying, can't we keep this to fandoms that are reliably in full swing somehow all the time +roughly have the same people in either so they'd have a harder time voting +really big, insanely popular shit everyone on this platform knows? Everyone knows Harry Potter and Steven Universe on tumblr...maybe compare them to something that also relevant on tumblr. I just think it'd make for a tougher poll.

Sorry I just don't want to invade on other ppl's silly rebloogs anymore is all.

tl;dr: which one do I chooose? The fandom I'm in and know for certain is awful then, or the one I barely know about?

#critical fandom #fandom critical #fandom wank #danny phantom #harry potter critical #harry potter #hazbin hotel critical #I know I know I'm sorry for being a party pooper

[shijiujun]

You probably will not answer this but I just want to make it clear that I don't mind the yifu relationship reference. To make it as reference is definitely OK. That's not the problem. The problem is the dialogues being copied for other characters. I'm just wondering if Priest can get more pay since it's from her other works. It's a separate work after all. I'm sorry my previous ask is not clear and thank you for reading.

okay i’ll make an exception to this one because this ask actually sounds way more ridiculous than the first:

firstly, it’s not that you mind the yifu relationship reference or not, it’s just a simple fact that the yifu thing is not a trope you can claim belongs to a particular novel, and also it’s kind of sad that anyone would put zhaoxie (which is so toxic and abusive in a sense) and changgu (which is an actual healthy relationship) in actual and equivalent comparison is pretty sad. 

i mean... not even shifu-disciple relationship can be compared to another LOL it’s really interesting that you did, that’s like me saying there’s this married couple and i will vaguely compare them to another married couple like XD idk man

the rest of it:

i don’t even know why there is a need to think about the pay structure because it’s honestly not anything you or anyone outside is privy to, and she’s probably already earning a shit ton regardless. 

and honestly, a few lines aren’t going to make her paycheck any significantly bigger or smaller - money goes left pocket to right pocket because if you’ve read my response she referenced spl and modu which are already live actions, she’s already getting paid for those - that’s a naught argument. maybe yeah if she referenced another work that she has not been paid for this may stand, but no, in summary it is not my place or yours to worry about this, seriously. 

in my previous response, i already said that the line is a little blur here because while yes she did ‘copy’ right, the intentions of it is a little different in this case when 1. she knows the audience will see that it’s referenced/copied/taken 2. the audience will know it’s referenced/copied/taken. there is no other explanation for this. she knows, she knows we will know, she ain’t trying to hide it - she’s paying homage. idk how many times you want me to say this, i think intentions wise she was paying homage, it’s a frickin easter egg.

yes, maybe she could have done the PR work better. she could have smoothed things over. yeah totally, considering fandom sensitivities and whatever. yes someone should have gone in to say hey, did you think about fandoms fighting if you do this, because that’s what crisis PR response teams do, but they were probably too poor, and yeah maybe she could have even asked pipi like hey i’m gonna reference other works in this one is that okay? 

totally. there are definitely things she could have done.

and yes of course, is the act of copying itself problematic? yes it is, but in this case - you’re talking about cross line referencing across the same author’s works. literally the same author’s works. she’d be in a lot of trouble if she referenced other novel’s works, which i think she knows. she made a conscious decision probably, and while maybe not the smartest thing to do - think about it. who sues who if pipi or the production companies decide to sue? who gets to be accused? who get to accuse? pipi is like uhhh i own everything so.. and then the production companies will be like uhh... yeah one of us produced two shows from pipi so... yeah we dk who we should sue

fine, she could be ‘bastardizing’ lines that were originally meant for and construed in one specific setting in another novel and fine, even as uni students you get screwed over by turnitin.com if you even reference your own paper that you wrote before in your current paper but... like i said, she’s not trying to hide it, which leads me to think that she and everyone else who read it thought it was harmless

*also a tidbit here, spl and shl are being produced from the exact same production company 慈文影视. i mean??? 

and of course whether she should be shot for ‘copying’ lines that’s up to idk, pipi herself and production teams to go and fight it out - if they’re fine with it, there’s no need to think about it, if they think it’s an issue, hell, the same production company green lighted it so they all should take responsibility.

(once again, money left pocket right pocket all the money goes to pipi!!!!!)

my argument is not whether copying is right or wrong in itself, it’s wrong yes, but for her she probably thought it was easter eggs. over-enthusiastically trying to you know, drop priest tidbits in here and there. it’s like when she dropped the yiguo easter egg in, we were all fucking excited.

should there have been someone to veto this and go like let’s be more considerate to other fandoms? maybe, but there’s no need to talk about the pay structure or everything else. she didn’t commit a crime and i don’t think it was her intentionally copying for whatever reason. and we’re not here to make problems or talk about problems, or crucify anyone else, when we’re not the ones most involved and no outright accusations have been acknowledged etc. at this point by any important party. there are ppl who make the damn decisions on this particular issue/scandal whatever. 

our time and certainly my time can definitely be spent in more productive places when my actions and opinions are not worth a damn or cannot influence anything in this case.

#asks

[berrymeter]

idk anything about the grace period for deltarune u can just keep this ask in the attic until that’s over.. anyway.. i really liked chap 2 i played it in one sitting 😭 the rpg combat is enjoyable enough and just the right amount more complex than the undertale combat is, although not very difficult. very touching power of friendship moments minus that fucking bird man. some of the dialogue felt quite fandom tropey and surface-level, and queen’s lines (love her tho) were hit or miss for me. i think the biggest frustration i have with it is all the useless random encounter characters clogging up your world 😞😞 there’s only so many wacky one-liners toby can give them and i am not invested enough to care! also some of those designs are uglie!! there are better ways to make a world feel real and lived in. same thing happened with undertale.

BUT it was a great time! i liked the juxtaposition between the ultimately harmless antics and charming banter with the gang and queen, and the more sinister plot going on in the background. most obviously in the ending. toriel and susie making a pie while kris RIPS OUT THEIR SOUL….spoiler warning.. did u see the theory that the soul aka red heart is you the player operating kris the vessel? i’m definitely not a theorist but i like seeing all the loose plot ends i’m having a good time. i love noelleeeeee 💞💞💞💞and i liked susie a lot more this chapter. when ralsei taught her a healing spell 😖😖 i still don’t really care about ralsei though 😓

special shoutout to the spinning teacups ☕️☕️☕️ and special NOT-shoutout to the mice games with the rotating blocks i never understood how to do that.

it was a very feel-good game. it made me feel good. standards for video game passed. what did u think tho!! i mean i assume u liked it but for the same reasons? different ones? feel free to respond with an excruciatingly long essay of ur own <3 we are back to the tt anon blocks of text i restrained myself for a bit but we are back -tt

hiii tt anon <3 back at it again with the asks that i am looking forward to answering. if i post this a little before the 48 hours i will be forgiven bc i will use the deltarune spoilers tag and also the long post tag LMAOO anyway anyway oh btw never refrain urself from sending blocks of text if my followers are mad even though i tag them long post that's ON THEM. everything u say is worth listening to & same for everything i say so that's my final stance on this 😌

i also played it in one sitting it was so GOOD. i don't care that it was 2 am here when it was released i wasss ecstatic and the game was so fucking GOOD tonby the fox delivered!! it was so so worth the wait! the music was so much better than in chapter 1 imo, like... my castle town? the cyber fields theme? the queen's fight? spamton g spamton??? rouxls' "fight"?? BANGERS. i only see bangers. the new gameplay mechanics were also very fun!! i for one kinda struggled with the mice puzzles but not nearly as much as that one section with the traffic jams where you have to go down and back up or whatever. what the hell was that? i'm surprised i actually got past it. i loved the parts in cyber field though where you had to move on beat with the music that was sooo fun!! more of that! i prefer the fighting system in undertale ngl but it's mostly bc the undertale bosses are... just so good. the one boss who rivalises for now to me is queen, although rouxls is also very fun.

as for the story itself... i liked it :) susie & noelle are fucking ADORABLE. i think they deserve to be happy forever like not even together just individually as characters they're the fucking best. susie's grown so much that's my girl... wough... ralsei i do like but... i don't trust him :D i don't think he's evil but he knows too much and tells us too little until he can't keep it for himself and i don't like that. like bro you're gonna get us in trouble stop. but ALSO some ppl speculate that himself is being misled and that the fountains wouldn't bring the roaring, which is an interesting theory. (also i miss lancer being more relevant)

uhh kris is... well... kris... :)... yeah i did hear about that theory i'm in a discord server where ppl have been going on and on about theories since the game dropped LMAOO we're all insane. um. my personal theory is that there's another knight, or that kris is at least also influenced by an "evil force" or whatever, and we're the good force influencing them bc otherwise they're just a normal albeit mischievous kid. and the stretch part is that uhhh there's two knight pieces on a chessboard, ik this isn't about chess at all but king of spades does tell you at the end of chapter 2 that you'll meet a more powerful foe = the queen, coincidentally in chess the queen is stronger than the king. hmmmmmmmmmmm. lmao i don't think my parallel here is right but it's fun to think about anyway

did you see the superboss? i didn't fight him myself but he's so fun. also @ everyone who said he's gonna be a tumblr sexyman i hate that you're right shut that shit down HJKSNFKJSDHG. also did you see the secret fucked up pipis route? it's horrible. genuinely... i watched a streamer play it and 😳 uh. well i didn't even hate berdly before anyway yeah he's annoying but like he's a snot-beaked kid i'm not gonna wish him... whatever happens in this route. legit scarring. and poor noelle... pffbbgtbg. hate this so much. but i think it was done so bad and horrible on purpose, with how specific your gameplay has to be for you to be able to complete it tonby really was like "you wanna be an asshole? undertale wasn't enough? fine. work for it. and also suffer" nskjshf. i'm never doing it <3

lastly FUCKING QUEEN!!!!!!! QUEEN MY LOVE!!!!! BEST CHARACTER. i love her sosososo much it's unreal. and i didn't mind any character designs much, i'm not too complicated in that regard shfkjsdfh i love the tasques and tasque manager though :) also the... idk their names... the butler dudes? they're so cute. swatch's design is neat

so those are my thoughts <3 can't wait to hear more from u!!!

#asks #tt anon #long post #deltarune spoilers

[chelfierambles]

About my personal relationship with attachments

Some reflection and venting of long-held feelings I’m finally getting off my chest.  Disclaimer, this isn’t about starting discussion or discourse. And though some things I’m gonna say have unfortunately involved real ppl in my life, this isn’t about others as it is about myself and my own relationship to this topic.  So yeah, pls don’t comment. And frankly, I don’t even really care if anyone reads this, I just need to write this for myself and say it in defiance to myself for staying silent for so long.

So yeah getting right to it then . . . . .

 This is a topic I’ve been, for a very long time, too fearful to talk about publicly.  In a strange way it feels like a coming-out post... like at this point I’d be more comfortable telling someone I’m trans then talking about how...

I’m a very unattached person.  

And it’s a weird, seemingly ridiculous thing to be ashamed about! And yet it is something I’ve held a deep silent shame over despite it being a very integral part of who I am that I took for granted.  I’ve vented about this occasionally behind closed doors to just my sibling from time to time, thinking it was just something I was uncomfortable with, but UUUUuuuuuuuuh after getting a universal butt-kicking, I now realize those little vents and rants weren’t little.  It was a serious sign that subconsciously, I was unhappy with something going on that I was unable to see at the time.

But what do I mean by unattached?     

By that I mean how much do you want to hold on to something? People, things, ideas and ideals.  Generally, I’m very stubborn with doing things a certain way, but when it no longer suits me, I have little trouble to make a complete 180 overnight.  Like as a kid I’d wear my hair a certain way for years, then one day, I just felt like cutting it and cut it off one day and just showed up with all of it chopped off. Cuz I felt like it.  That kind of attitude. I roll with things.  

And yeah that sounds fine and all, but then it gets sticky when people are involved. Both others, myself, things I’ve perceived about myself, how things are supposed or “should” be, think or feel. What’s the right or wrong way of doing things? I think there’s a tangled mess I got caught up with that made me ignore the kind of person I really am.   I had to end a close friendship I really cared about recently. Things happened. Things I felt wronged by. Things I fucked up (big time). And I look at it now and realize that so much of the issues wasn’t even about what happened but what has been underlying for a long time that I just couldn’t see until the whole mess unearthed everything about myself I never wanted to admit.  

Now I look back at it and I feel like a lot of my frustrations were born from me at a subconscious level already trying to leave a dynamic I wasn’t happy with and felt trapped by.  And it’s that dynamic of attachment that comes in different forms and different names.  

There’s several factors I think were at play.  My own standards I upheld myself to, my subconcious methods of interaction, and messages I internalized from outside and media representation.  For my own standards, I had my own rules to uphold for “How to be a good friend” that I followed by.  Always do your best, communicate, listen to what troubles the other person and when helping, try helping at the source as opposed to surface level comfort etc. Nothing wrong with this, but ultimately I wasn’t really good at figuring out when my own boundaries were being crossed by giving too much of myself (gotten better but still got a ways to go) or compromising on things I thought were compromiseable but now I realize actually... weren’t.   For interacting with others, I’ve always had a tendency to mirror. What you give me is what I give back.  Also sounds harmless. But once again, I realize by mirroring... I’m not actually behaving as I naturally would. I’m giving what I perceive is wanted on the other end. For someone who has a history of identity issues, this... is not ok to do to myself.   And then lastly, media representation. oh I have a bone to pick with this. I read so much bl so this trope is rampant, but I suppose this occurs in a lot of romance tropes in general. But... SO OFTEN is it portrayed that clingy jealous behavior is perceived as cute, a sign that someone really cares.  And whenever I read that I think about if it were to happen to me, I would nope so fast out of there. I don’t want to be clung on to by anybody.  If someone were to be jealous and possessive over me, I would feel trapped and chained up.  But it’s just happening so often in those narratives that all I see over and over again is someone being clingy and possessive is romantic. HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn no. no it isn’t for me.   [Short side tangent here, this is not at all dissing these traits.  I’m not criticizing people who have these traits. I’m just saying how it’s not me, and not for me. ]

But ppl have different ways of showing affection. So what happens now when, I got my view of sticking by loyally and being good friend, while mirroring *someone else’s* means of affection, while getting messages over and over again that TO SHOW SOMEONE YOU CARE YOU HAVE TO SHOW HOW ATTACHED YOU ARE.   And being a good friend, having so early on hearing the other person’s fears of abandonment as: listen to friend’s woes, attack at source --> fear of abandonment means don’t do anything that can be perceived as abandonment --> WELP. CUE SWEATING NERVOUSLY AND SHOVE AWAY THAT DETAIL DEEP DOWN I’M NOT VERY ATTACHED TO THINGS IN GENERAL. And yes. People too. The closest people in my life, if life were to separate us, sure I can get lonely and miss people, (and I am very passionate with my feelings) But I go with the situation that’s in front of me. And so long as I know the other party is doing alright, I’m ok going on my merry way. I just want the best for the people around me, even if I’m not involved in it.  Best example of this, in grade school I had my close knit group of 3 other friends.  Like this was my besties group.  Come time for the first big decision of choosing a high school, *I CHOSE* to go to a different school than my other three friends who wanted to stick together.  I went with the school that seemed right for me. Like... that’s me.  I don’t have problems separating even from my closest family and friends.  

But now I just see... because I REALLY did care how the other person felt. because I REALLY did want to be the best person and friend I could possibly be. I wanted to make this person as happy as I could and ultimately that meant... not being true to myself. Because I was so so ashamed to admit that I just... didn’t care about things in the same way.  I was ashamed to not be the same. And during a really bad time, I’ve developed a feeling of responsibility over negative consequences that could happen if I slipped up.  I think that additional fear of what could happen and possibly physical harm or loss happening really solidified the need to hide these aspects of myself and this was the hardest to let go.   But as I’ve been working on myself for a while now, trying to becoming more true to myself,  and the more I do, the less I have been able to handle and go about things the way I used to.  Because thinking about it... it’s just such a fucked up thing TO DO TO MYSELF.  And I’m tired of living that way.  I’m tired of my own shit. Tired of thinking there’s something wrong with me because I don’t feel very attached even to the closest of people. And, true to my non-attached fashion, even my own ideals, I will throw them out overnight if they no longer work for me.  So that’s why, I’m spiting myself. The self that was too scared to say any of this. I’m going to just say it unapologetically. Get it out so I can finally move on.  I might have to relearn a lot of how I go about doing things now but I’m rather hopeful.  Once again proven that the more I do for myself the better it will be for the people around me anyway so I can avoid making the same mistakes again and communicate better (and faster if I actually.. ya know.. know what I want and don’t want).  I don’t want to live for anyone else anymore, I just want to live for myself, and live honestly. Own the fact I’m an un-attached person. Own the fact I roll and flow with whatever life brings. Never compromise on how important my space is to me.  Never compromise my own freedom.  Go back to being who I truly am.   AND HEY ZODIAC PEEPS SHOUTOUT TO FELLOW VENUS IN AQUARIUS! (<-- and that my friends, is the punchline to all this WHY THIS IS KINDA HILARIOUS) So yeah, that’s my spiel.  Get it out so I can let all this go and go back to just having fun again.  

#personal #venting #rant #attachments #friendship and relationships #friendship breakups #personal realizations