#lauren rants

[melusine0811]

Angry teacher rant ahead. And this is a doozy.

I woke this morning to an email to find that one of my most sensitive kids, who trusted me, had been suspended, along with her friend, for something that should not have ended in a suspension. In my class, both are stellar students, they chat a lot, but they are ELEVEN. One has a severe mental illness for which the behavior they displayed is a manifestation (severe panic disorder). And no one but someone who deals with any sort of mental illness would be able to pick this out, but of course I cannot out myself. And their parents can't pick it out either because they only took the kid to the psychiatrist ONCE to get a diagnosis and that was it.

I am so tired of watching adults AND kids I care about get hurt by people who don't have any fucking perception or any room for it- even those on an antidepressant (aka my brother)---they are almost worse because they're boxed in thinking "well if I can handle it, so and so shouldn't act like that." Adults are no better than my 11 year old students. And for my kids it's even harder to watch when it comes from people they trust. Sometimes it’s the 11 year olds that are most ready for empathy, as sad as it is. They forgive easily and love the most readily after it's all said and done. But they're the ones that get trampled on fastest all over again.

Hear me out:

All people, in all positions, especially teachers and those working closely with the wellbeing of other human beings (medical, social work, psychology, childcare, etc), should have to go through rigorous and comprehensive sensitivity training for mental illnesses just like they do for CPR, sexual harassment training, and diversity training. In fact, mental illness should be a MUCH LARGER part of diversity training. Anyone working in a clinical or medical field should have to spend a week (5 days) visiting each day the same psychiatric hospital, and actually TALK to the human beings in there. But of course the stigma still dictates that it's not important enough, and that we're invisible.

CHRONIC MENTAL ILLNESS IS A LEGITIMATE DISABILITY- I.E. severe depression, anxiety, OCD, ADHD, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and many less common disorders. These disorders produce a massive array of behavioral consequences that constantly overlap. And demanding the same things from these students is just like demanding the same behavior of ALL students, no matter whether they have an IEP or 504.

***Every teacher and student in my school knows how to fight off a fucking gunman but not how to sensitively handle a twelve year old having a panic attack. In fact, other kids and even teachers would just laugh and blame the kid for not trying hard enough. ***

Every. Single. Action someone does, regardless of age, that you perceive as poor behavior, annoying, borderline irritating, negative, defiant, backtalking, rude, or even mean, or lashing out---and most especially if it's out of character for them---? It comes from a place of deep pain. It comes from a place of TRAUMA. Always. It's an even surer sign based on how they act afterwards. Do they not care? Do they go right on to the next dumbass thing? Or do they feel horrible about it, perhaps as if---hmmm--- they've been rejected before?

People do things and behave certain ways for a REASON. Throwing them into a suspension or separating them from others just isolates them and makes it worse. For kids and people who don't handle rejection, this causes ACTUAL PHYSICAL PAIN. I'm not saying you should put up with people's poor behavior. I am saying say your piece, tell them it's not okay, and then LET IT FUCKING GO afterwards. Because I guarantee you they will be having nightmares about it long after you will. People, especially kids, only act out around people they TRUST and can be vulnerable with, and the chances of something similar ever happening again are slim to none. If you are a parent, you know this to be true because your child is fine at school and can be a little shit sometimes at home.

Try, as hard as if may be for you, to see past it. Be bigger, you're not the one falling apart in that moment. Intervene. Because if this is something that is not a regular occurrence, that kid is careening towards a mental or behavioral breakdown. It costs you nothing but maybe your "pride" to back down and open yourselves to them. Maybe offer a hug instead sharp words. You would be shocked.

Years ago, I went on maternity leave. I had a 15 year old student named Dustin who I was very fond of. Dustin was autistic, he was gentle, and the other kids tormented him because of the way he talked and the fact that he was always filthy. He was bipolar. His father abused him and neglected him. He would come to my classroom just to sit and talk to me about Pokemon. I had no idea what he was talking about but I listened anyway. The person who replaced me during my maternity leave was, without exaggeration, an absolute bitch. She was a bitch when I was in high school and as far as I know she still is. She unsurprisingly triggered Dustin one day with her absolute insensitivity. A bunch of the other boys ganged up on him and told him they were going to beat him up the next day. The sub did NOTHING. Dustin brought a knife to school the next day to protect himself and he got expelled. There was nothing I could do when I got back. Dustin was killed five years later, hardly anyone ever showed that boy kindness.

Try to remember that the next time you push them aside, dismiss them, ignore their need for your reassurance especially in their time of deepest vulnerability. Because if that’s the case? You are not as special as you think you are— and you are faaar from the first that has dismissed their hurt, and you are only creating a hardened, more traumatized person much more quickly.

Adults especially should know better. Take care of our babies, people better fucking take care of mine. Adults should know better when it comes to each other, as well- fucking take care of each other, and open yourselves in others' time of need. I have seen so, so many forgotten people in the hospital.

#lauren rants #kids #teaching #students #also applicable for adults #tired teacher #tired of watching heartbreak #Mrs B bitches #to the shitty system #that doesn't support mental health in any way #also tired of people's attitude towards mental illness #because nobody really cares that much #and you just get used to it

[whiskeyncoke-redux]

Let me just start by saying I don't really feel any kinda way about Taylor Swift. Don't love her, don't hate her. She has some good songs, whatever...

But I am tired of them mentioning her every other sentence when they talk about the Kansas City Chiefs or Travis Kelce.

I'm trying to watch the game but there she is. All the time. Like it's not that serious? Focus on the football!

#football #kansas city chiefs #travis kelce #taylor swift #Lauren rants

[blondephenobarbitol]

nothing is funnier to me than the headcanon that Ruth and Ted are just besties. She's over at the Spankoffski house so often it's like she's part of the family at this point. She gets to ride shotgun on car trips because according to Ted, she's the only one with aux privileges. Ted is rushing off after work and his coworkers are like 'where are you going?' and he says "oh I made a deal with my brother's friend so I have to drive her to the Starlight for a dress rehearsal. In exchange she's lending me her Rocky Horror DVD for the weekend, no biggie." Meanwhile Pete is dying on the inside.

#canon canon canon #rose rants #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #npmd #tgwdlm #ruth fleming #ted spankoffski #pete spankoffski #nerdy prudes must die #the guy who didn't like musicals #starkid #team starkid #lauren lopez #joey richter

[im-not-a-l0ser]

That scene where Richie is encouraging Pete to bang Ruth is made about 20× funnier when you remember that their actors, Joey Richter and Lauren Lopez, are literally married in real life.

#like sure #reflecting paul and teds conversation is funny #but them being married irl??? amazing #shout out to ted berating paul for thinking emma was the hottay latte #i wonder if joey has ever called lauren that for funsies #i would #id think it were so funny #ranting in the tags #apparently #l0ser talk #nerdy prudes must die #starkid #richie lipschitz #pete spankoffski #peter spankoffski #ruth fleming #lauren lopez #joey richter

[alexies101]

Such a tweak YOU KNOW HIS ASS WAITED IN THE TENT LIKE "I'm readyyyy Laurenssssss 🧎‍♂️" WHILE DRINKING PINK LEMONADE HE WOULD'VE LOVED SKINNY JEANS

WAITED FOR HIS MISKI SHIRT IN THE MAIL LIKE CMON

#rant post #hamilton #hamilton musical #gay #tweak #alexander hamilton #john laurens #historical lams #lams

[livelaughlovelams]

Just saw someone on Quora saying that there weren't any queer figures in the American Revolution, and oh mah GAWD I yapped on for so long that my phone gained 67% more battery in that time.

Me and mah lil ol' yassified Steuben pfp yapped about lams and all the other ga-*GUYS for so, so so long😭

Anyways, tags go brr.

*burr

#amrev #amrev fandom #american revolution #amrev slander #baron von steuben #von steuben #queer history #idk #why #lgbtq history #lgbtq #lgbtqia #ranting #ramblings #quora #things i did today #today kinda sucked #today is a good day #i did a thing #i did it #stupid people #yeah no some people suck #historical lams #lams #halemadge #ehhhh this doesnt really count but #jeffmads #john laurens #historical john laurens #alexander hamilton

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

I Am All In Rewatch - Episode 1x8 (Part 1)

I do remember that because I was having such gesticulations with uh, you know, I really physicalized what I was hearing from Taylor. And then, you know, because you got to set up the blow up. But I enjoyed that scene. I you know, I'm gonna be I'm very honest with critique of my own actor acting, but I I enjoyed that. I thought that was pretty good. I thought I  nailed that....But the best thing about that scene was the cutaways, the cut to Lauren and Alexis their reactions. Their reactions were were genius. [I know you've told us those scenes took a long time to shoot] All day. They take all day...We're talking fourteen sometimes sixteen hours. Yeah, you're there all day. It's hot as all get out in there. They they're pumping in you know, they have these huge tubes. They're pumping in air conditioning. But the generators always break down and and then it gets you know, it goes up above a hundred degrees. -Scott 

#i am all in #cackling #the play by play is hilarious #town hall goodness #gilmore girls #luke x lorelai #lorelai x luke #luke danes #lorelai gilmore #rory gilmore #ranting luke #love #1x8 #lauren graham #scott patterson

[unicornsaures]

Divinity lams AU?

Alex is some divine, etheral being and John is just a pathetic and lost fallen angel who swears his devotion to this 'otherworldly being' for the privilege of following him around and being with him for eternity because it gives him a purpose. And at first, Alex just sees him as this sad soul whos's lost and doesnt know what to do and genuinely takes pity on him; but eventually it goes from a 'worshiped and worshiper' relationship to a relationship in which Alex see's him as an equal despite being nothing but.

And even before this, John had been searching for guidance through other people because he never fully trusted his instincts and yet this had only led him to be distrusting because the very reason he had 'fallen' was because he had followed anothers lead. In turn, he turned to etheral 'gods' who he knows cant do him wrong because they'll always view themselves as above him, and with pledging his devotion, they cant turn on him because he will forever be their faithful subject.

Unfortunately for John his devotion borders more on obsession. He loves looking up to see someone so majestic staring back down at him with such a soft smile in contrast to piercing eyes and to know Alex would be looking at him makes his heart flutter and insides melt and skin on In fire(figuratively..) and makes him just want to cut off his wings and give them to Alex as a sign of his true adoration he holds for him. And obviously this concerns Alex. I mean, his poor devotee is willing to do anything for him but theres a line, right? Alex still cares for him of course, what kind of being would he be if he allowed someone to sacrifice their own peace for him?

Cue emotional outburst number one! John would be rambling softly about how if he had the strength he would just rip out his wings and alex has to lean down and gently rest his palm on John's cheek to tell him not to ruin his beautiful wings and that being with him is devotion enough for him and that physical pain in his name would only cause harm. And then tears, of course, in natural angst fashion.

Oh, and John has an immense fear of corrupting Alex the entire time due to the fact hes a 'sinner' (by his own standards) and being in the presence of such divinity as a 'corrupted being' puts Alex at risk to fall from his stance of power. But even despite his fear he can't leave not only due to this eternal soul-binding agreement, but because being in his presence makes him feel alive and as though he can feel love again even after he had failed in doing so for so many years. But in the end Alex doesnt see himself as higher or with more power but as an equal.

John would have 'given up' his ability to feel love for another in order to be fully devoted to Alex, and yet he was convinced he didnt have it in the first place so he decided he wouldnt be giving it up if he never had it. But in turn he discovered that he did have the ability to love, but it had to be discovered through giving up the ability to love anyone other than Alex, and in a way hes happier with that.

But even so, John doesnt think hes worthy enough to be so close to someone so much better than he is, and he does view it as a privilege to be there until Alex tells him to stand up in which he physically has to look down at alex(he would stand at other points, of course, but he would never physically look down. If alex would speak to him he would physically attempt to lower his height to keep Alex above him by his own personal will.) But that is the point where he would cup johns face and then tell him that he's wonderful and the most faithful devotee hes had the 'honor' of being with and then tears. so many tears. so many pent up tears form years john has been telling himself that he cant feel love and to even be in the vicinity of Alex is a privilege that he doesnt deserve just to be told to his face that this divine being loves him and appreciates everything hes done and he doesnt want John to be hurt for him.

#divinity AU #im really.. #divinity kinks are interesting #and #i love pathetic JL #worshiped/worshiper dynamic<3 #tw long post #im ranting #i want to write this so bad #i have such a love for divine etheral beings who can either be so cruel or who treat their devotees with all the care in the world #im exposing myself with this one #oh to be a lost soul wandering around like w lsot puppy searching for a divine being to worship #alex looking down at him lovingly #while john looks up #his cheek resting on his leg #in pure awe and adoration #and to be looked down at with a soft smile by the same man hes seen yell with the screech of a demonic entity #gives him joy #and purpose #and makes him feel like his skin is being ignited #and his heart is melting #and he feels so honored to be so close to someone so majestic #alexander hamilton #amrev #john laurens #historical lams #lams #this would be historicsl btw #pretty red hair flowing around beautiful white wings #alex taking his hand and combing it through johns hair as hr nearly falls asleep resting againdt his leg<3

[swiftspoet]

you know what? I hope anyone going to tour has a great time. I hope if you started liking taylor yesterday you have a great time. I hope if you have seen every tour of hers you have a great time. I hope if you don’t know all of her songs you have a great time. drama over who is a “better” fan is so draining and pointless because at the end of the day we are all fans.

#rant post #taylorswift #lauren talks shit

[controversialcoven]

Being a homestuck fan and an amrev fan can be so confusing sometimes, especially when they’re only referred to by their first names

“Why is john egbert talking to Meade- oh wait john LAURENS”

#book john posting #i rant about homestuck #amrev #homestuck #john laurens #john egbert #richard kidder meade #this could also be funnier as a system though #holy shit john egbert is talking to Alexander Hamilton!! #just kidding I don’t talk to him #his friends scare me

[incorrect-pipravi]

Things that I want in the AGGGTM show!

This idea is inspired by @/pippasheadphones video on tiktok!

Warning: this contains spoilers for the entire book series!

Obviously I’m not expecting everything in the books to be adapted in the show, especially because the show has a limited screen time and there are a lot of more important plots/scenes they need to focus on but there are a few scenes/stuff that I really want to see in the show!

Pip and Cara comforting Lauren after her breakup with Tom (I think that was his name).

Flashbacks of 5 years ago. Not just the night Andie went missing but everything else too. Especially the fight with Mr. Ward and Becca!

I really would like it if they included Kill Joy in the adaptation.

Pip’s monologues!!!!!!!

Cara and Lauren giving Pip a makeover before the calamity.

Whatever happens after Ravi sent that text to Pip (if they reach that point in the adaptation ofc)!

MORE OF LAUREN BECAUSE I LOVE YALI SO MUCH (PLS REDEEM HER CHARACTER I WANT MY GIRL INCLUDED IN THE MCDONALD’S SCENE!)

More PipCara!

Actually more Pip and the girls in general!

More Jamie and Nat!!! (They’re literally my beloveds)

Becca and Pip friendship.

More of Cara and Steph!

No Ant!

Sal and Ravi flashbacks!

Sal and Andie flashbacks!

More of Ravi’s POV.

Victor and Leanne.

Josh!

Ravi forgetting to shake Pip’s hand and just holding it.

Max trial scenes (the first one because I want people to hate him more!)

Taylor Swift on the track list (esp No Body No Crime)

More PipRavi (their first kiss, how they got together, everything!!!!)

The hotel owner telling Pip that she’s lucky and Ravi’s handsome!

The rain kiss and confession!

More Ravi teasing Pip!

A scene where Ravi puts the AGGGTM sticker on Pip’s headphones (iykyk)!

Ravi and Pip recording the podcast!

Cara’s “can’t relate”

A scene where one of Pip’s parents ask her why she always skips the third step (iykyk pt.2)!

Connor my beloved!

The “maybe she’ll be interested in you if you were homework or Ravi Singh”

Naomi and Cara!

Andie and Becca!

The group at the calamity

Joe King (he is so silly😭)

The Pip meme that went viral

“Ravishing”

More iconic scenes of the other girls!!

Can’t think of more stuff but I’ll definitely keep adding when I remember!

#a good girls guide to murder #agggtm #pipravi #pip fitz amobi #ravi singh #cara ward #connor reynolds #nat da silva #andie bell #becca bell #sal singh #jamie reynolds #lauren gibson #steph #zach chen #rant post #agggtm tv show #agggtm series #agggtm cast

[sophiekarim]

I am actually beyond disgusted with myself for ever looking up to Selena. To first claim you’re taking a break from social media because of everything that happening with Palestine & i*rael and making a genocide about yourself & your own family by posting a picture of your sister who is living luxuriously in the comfort of your mansion whilst talking about other children who needed that attention instead. I’m sorry but is your sister the one facing brutal occupation & bombardment? You might have the luxury of taking a “mental break” but the thousand of Palestinians suffering out there don’t.

As if that wasn’t enough, madam decided to claim she’s deleting her Instagram at a time when Palestinians need these big figures to spread their message. It’s so clear where she stands in this, she just has to have the attention on herself 24/7, doesn’t she? She didn’t want to post a picture of the children she claimed she was talking about because obviously she was going to get caught out. If not by one side, deffo by the other. I guess ma’am doesn’t want to lose followers or her business OR her pro-Zionist besties such as racist Amy Schumer.

This isn’t “hating” on your fav celebrity, it’s calling out someone who is uneducated to the core. You absolutely CANNOT claim you’re on both sides in this situation. You either side with the oppressor or the oppressed. You cannot claim your beauty business is donating to both Palestinians in Gaza AND Israel at the same time thinking it’s all okay & that people are going to start liking you again, where is the logic in that? AND YOU ABSOLUTELY CANNOT INCLUDE AN ISRAELI ZIONIST IN YOUR LIVING UNDOCUMENTED SERIES AND SYMPATHISE WITH THEM WHEN THEY CRY OVER HOW AWFUL IT IS THAT THEY DON’T GET TO GO FOR VACATION IN THEIR “HOME LAND” ISRAEL WHICH IS STOLEN OCCUPIED PALESTINIAN LAND WHILST THOUSANDS OF PALESTINIAN REFUGEES WHO STAYED THERE ARE NOW STRUGGLING AWAY DROM THEIR RIGHTFUL HOMELAND.

Clearly, that money is all going to Magen David Adom (who literally FUND THE IDF, the same sick & twisted animals bombing the Gaza Strip in the first place. THIS IS WHY IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO BOYCOTT RARE BEAUTY AND ALL PRO-ZIONIST COMPANIES. PALESTINIANS ARE NOT RECEIVING THESE DONATIONS. THE CEO IS A ZIONIST FOR GOODNESS’ SAKE.

I’d say boycott celebrities as a whole, they have no fucking idea what they’re saying or doing OR they’re pro-Zionist which itself is the BIGGEST L.

Before you call me a hater, this is literally coming from someone who looked up to Selena for YEARS. I am SO hurt & disgusted. Imagine having 430M followers on potentially the BIGGEST social media platform out there and claiming a post won’t help. It’s so obvious she doesn’t want to help the Palestinians bc compare this sob story to what she posted for Ukraine a few months before.

Only just signing a letter to call for a ceasefire whilst enjoying your luxurious life ain’t it. Posting ONE story in 2014 ain’t it. GO OUT THERE AND PROTEST IF YOU CARE ABOUT PALESTINE. USE THAT PLATFORM TO SPREAD AWARENESS LIKE KEHLANI & LAUREN JAUREGUI. DUMP ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH ZIONISM, PERIOD.

To anyone who still finds way to defend their favourite celebs or sympathises with these zionist sympathisers & claim they support Palestine at the same time, WAKE THE FUCK UP.

#Palestine #free Palestine #falasteen #فلسطين #palestinians #gaza genocide #gaza under attack #celebs will always be typical attention seeking celebs #THERE IS NO TWO SIDE SOLUTION #they just don’t care #Kehlani #Lauren Jauregui #rants #boycott rare beauty #boycott celebrities #selena gomez #ceasefire NOW #from the river to the sea palestine will be free #from the river to the sea

[i-eat-lip-gloss]

you... YOU LIKE HAMILTON :D

DO YOU??? 👁️👁️

#PLEASE TELL ME YOU DO BECAUSE I NEED TO RANT ABOUT LAURENS AND HAMILTON #dreamy talks #midnight talks with dreamy #(<- it’s only 9:35 pm but whatever) #dreamy answers

[ratgirrrl]

just remembered that musicals are the best form of art to ever exist ever (<- watched new starkid musical)

#ok rant!!! #i looooooooved loved loved loved npmd it was so fun #its not quite as good as twisted or tgwdlm but it was so campy and fun and funny!!! i missed that #black friday was kind of a huge miss for me i guess they tried to take a more serious and dramatic approach witch respect ofc BUT #i think they thrive most with that sort of campy foolishness as their usul works with the sprinkle of incredebly dramatic and tragic moment #and they work even better because the rest of the musicals are so silly and goofy so these moments hit you right through the heart #like twisted and twdlm #also i just missed them being funny. thats all #also loved the new addition the guy who played max was soooour good #and the girl who played shapiro i hope she'll get bigger roles in future roles her voice is beautifil #ALSOOO #Mariyah playing the main character finallyyyyy #i wanted her to be in the main role since tgwdlm and she killed it!!! #joey lauren and jon too #love them #anyway. it was really good. cant wait to see their next work #FORGOT TO ADD some songs are absolutely insane literall monster is a certified banger

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

I Am All In Rewatch - Episode 1x16 (Part 1)

[But yeah, you see how comfortable Luke is with Lorelai.] That's the point. That's the point. It's easy. It fits like a glove. We're just such good friends. Our rhythm is just there, you know, we pick up immediately on that rhythm. It's like we're we're on stage playing jazz and we know each other's moves, right, So it just fits, it works, it's great. Um, And that was the whole point. It's the rhythm of it. So maybe maybe my reaction wasn't so bad because that really stopped the music. That's like the needle goes off the record and she walks in everybody just staring at her. So anyway, that's how I played it, I don't think...And so she got to act as a friend like, oh, poor poor guy's heart, his wounded heart, his poor wounded heart. I must help here. I don't know. It's like it's like everything that happens to that guy, it just makes him look better in her eyes lately, right. -Scott 

#i am all in #YOU ARE FULL OF HATE AND LOATHING AND I GOTT TELL YOU I LOVE IT!!!! #Love this scene #ranting luke is always so good #i can relate #luke x lorelai #lorelai x luke #luke danes #lorelai gilmore #love #gif #gifs #gifset #1x16 #javajunkie #scott patterson #lauren graham #gilmore girls

[une-sanz-pluis]

I was rereading the chapter in Lauren Johnson’s Shadow King about the accusations against Eleanor and, well, to misquote Hotspur, it made me mad. It’s one thing reading something that obviously believes Eleanor was guilty, another thing that’s been shoddily researched and presented.

‘A great and cunning man in astronomy’, [Bolingbroke] had been commissioned by Eleanor to draw a horoscope for the king. Working with Eleanor’s physician, Dr Thomas Southwell, the pair had divined that Henry’s death was imminent. According to their calculations Henry would sicken in his twentieth year, enduring a wasting disease that would strike him first with fever and cold, then with an unnatural heat. By summer at the latest, he would be dead. 

This actually misrepresents Bolingbroke and Southwell’s prediction for Henry’s death in favour of, surprise surprise, a more shocking and dramatic reading. The original horoscope does not survive but a copy of it is found in an anonymous treatise that discusses it and two earlier natal charts of Henry VI before offering up its own. Hilary M. Carey breaks down the seven conclusions Bolingbroke and Southwell reached which I’ll paraphrase here.

Henry would endure a dangerous condition/event in his 20th year unless he was able to avoid it by art or industry

This condition/event would affect bodily disposition

The effect on the body would be in the nature of natural infirmities and would come from nature.

The origin of these infirmities would be of Saturn’s nature, possibly a fever with a great tremor, “moist” infirmities or brought on by great cold

Henry’s recovery would be characterised by excessive heat (e.g. continual fever, choleric abscesses)

The event/condition would begin at any time from April 1441 on and would last for an entire year at most

The event/condition would appear in July or August 1441 unless it was averted by “wise action"

So, the actual prediction is for a natural disease or condition could be fatal but could also be averted. There is nothing “overtly treasonable” in their readings, only a warning of “possible illness”. Carey (followed by Frank Millard) also suggests that Bolingbroke and Southwell shared their conclusions with Henry VI or Henry’s doctors. If this was the case, this means that rather than being the dastardly accomplices of Eleanor, Bolingbroke and Southwell may have actually been guilty of no more than trying to warn the king of a potential risk to his health. It is also possible, I suggest, that the horoscope may have been commissioned by Eleanor (perhaps out of concern for Henry's health?) and then shared with Henry or his doctors by Eleanor or on her orders so the illness could be averted.

(also note that that the event/condition was supposed to appear at the same time that Eleanor and her associates were moved against.)

The three men had been provided with a waxen image of the king by Margery Jourdemayne, also known as ‘the Witch of Eye’, which, on melting, would bring about the death of the king.

[citation needed]

OK, I actually know the citation for this is, it's Jessica Freeman's article on Margery Jourdemayne. But also the wax figure is associated with Roger Bolingbroke. The Brut mentions “ymages of siluer, of wexe, and of oþer metalles“ being displayed with Bolingbroke and the indictment for Bolingbroke, Southwell and Hume make mention of them using a wax figure for the purposes of drawing up the chart. Modern scholars Jessica Freeman and George Kittredge suggested Margery was their supplier of the wax image but it's more speculative than certain. I have a fair few issues with Freeman's article because it seems so speculative. It's entirely possible Margery did supply the wax figure but I've never seen anyone put forward evidence that she did (I've never seen much evidence about what Margery was supposed to have done) and it's impossible to know for sure at this great distance and with such limited evidence who made the wax figure. At best, contemporary records suggest the wax figure was associated with Bolingbroke.

Johnson’s account of events does not also acknowledge the possibility that the wax image may well have been used in some kind of fertility magic (which is the only thing we know Eleanor admitted to) or love magic (which Eleanor was also accused of). Kristen Geaman suggests that these images were used for fertility magic and notes that fertility magic was often tied up in love magic. I would argue that Eleanor turning to magical remedies for her childlessness makes perfect sense given her circumstances.

But more pointedly, this was a repeated issue with witchcraft accusations. Since magic was a taboo, it was carried out secretly and it was easy to represent the practice of relatively innocuous magic as something far more nefarious. It often came down to one person's words against another and, in those cases, about who "seemed" more likely to be telling the truth. The victims of witchcraft trials tended to be the marginalised and vulnerable in society. While Eleanor and other aristocratic women in late medieval England cannot be said to be marginalised figures, they were vulnerable to accusations in other ways. Eleanor had been the figure of scandal some years before for being the mistress of Humphrey during his marriage to the popular Jacqueline of Hainault and was of the lower gentry, meaning there was likely a degree of classism in how she was viewed, especially once she married Humphrey, and that her family did not have the influence to intervene for her sake. A contemporary poem, written before or shortly after her marriage to Humphrey, associated her with witchcraft and witches, and claimed she had used magic to force Humphrey's heart away from Jacqueline. It would be all to easy for Eleanor to be seen as guilty, regardless of the reality.

The wax figurine could have represented Henry. It could have represented Humphrey (if so, it may have been paired with an unrecorded figurine of Eleanor). It could have represented a hoped-for child. We don't know.

Moreover, as the indictment against Eleanor expressed it, by spreading a belief in Henry’s imminent mortality, the duchess had fomented unrest, encouraging his subjects to turn from their ‘cordial love’ of the king.

Not nitpicking Johnson here but the accusations themselves. Is it just me or is “spreading a belief in Henry’s imminent mortality” an incredibly stupid thing for a woman plotting his death to do? It’s things like this that make me go all conspiracy minded and wonder if the accusations against Eleanor were preceded by some kind of breakdown in Henry’s health (be it mental or physical) that has since been lost to history. It would explain why Eleanor (or someone else) had Henry’s horoscope drawn up and why there were rumours and fears for his health. It would also frame the response to the accusations against against Eleanor as a display of strength.

When pressed in her second examination, [Eleanor] had confessed to five of the twenty-eight counts of felony and treason, but she insisted that she had not sought Henry’s death, and that the wax images which the court interpreted as intended for his destruction were actually part of a fertility ritual, ‘for to have borne a child by her lord, the duke of Gloucester’. This more innocent use of magic did not save her from condemnation, however. By her own admission, she was a traitor and must be punished.

And this makes no sense.

First: Eleanor was tried by an ecclesiastic court. They were trying on her charges relating to ecclesiastic crimes. In short, treason was not an ecclesiastic crime. The court she was tried in had no jurisdiction over treason.

Now you might be going “what do you, random tumblr user, know about this” so, here’s J. G. Bellamy in The Law of Treason in Late Medieval England (Cambridge University Press, 2004):

Eleanor was summoned before a number of important churchmen including the archbishops of Canterbury and York and the bishop of Winchester to answer to twenty-eight charges of necromancy, witchcraft, sorcery, heresy and treason with Bolingbroke acting as a witness against her. This account is given by Stow and the author of The Brut: there is unfortunately no official record with which to compare it. Very likely the clergy were only investigating heresy and perhaps witchcraft. They would not have been investigating treason since it was not clergyable.

(note: Bellamy is published by an academic press, he is an expert in medieval law, he wrote the standard on medieval treason law. Johnson specialises in the Tudors, not medieval England, and wrote a pop history narrative biography of Henry VI which was naturally not published by an academic press.)

So, no, they did not investigate Eleanor for treason. It was not in their jurisdiction. It was not a charge they could or would have levied at her in her sole court trial. It was not a charge that she therefore could admit to. As Bellamy says, they probably investigated her for heresy (all magic was heresy, after all).

(It might be possible that they phrased the charges to refer to treason, i.e. something like "she did treasonably urge that a natal chart be drawn up predicting the king's death", but we do not and cannot know that. If so, it may constitute a merging of secular and spiritual authority in her case and may also suggest how desperate they were to frame her actions as treason and lends credence to the notion that she had been set up.)

Second: We do not know what 28 charges against Eleanor were, let alone what she admitted to. As Bellamy points out, the records don’t survive. We can safely dismiss treason from the list and focus on the heresy/witchcraft. We know that she was simultaneously accused of using love magic on her husband and that the one thing we know she admitted to is fertility magic so we should expect charges relating to those things to be among the twenty-eight, not just the use of magic against Henry VI (which likely centred on the natal chart). This further weakens Johnson’s claims that Eleanor had admitted to treason. Logically, too, Eleanor would have admitted to the most minor of the charges and it's possible that the five charges Eleanor admitted to were solely related to her admission of fertility magic.

Because I’ve rambled a lot, I’ll requote this bit:

[Eleanor] insisted that she had not sought Henry’s death, and that the wax images which the court interpreted as intended for his destruction were actually part of a fertility ritual ... [b]y her own admission, she was a traitor and must be punished.

Because it is just very:

Eleanor: I was trying to have a baby Johnson: TREASON!!!!!!!!!

There are some historians who note this defence might have alarmed Henry VI and co because Eleanor was attempting to secure her own succession. And possibly it did.

But it’s all very... nonsensical. It’s perfectly understandable that she would be trying to have a baby and would have progressed to less conventional methods considering her personal circumstances (being childless in her early 40s, married to the heir to the throne). Humphrey was Henry’s heir but lacked legitimate children, Henry wasn’t yet married and no movements had been made in that direction. Humphrey’s theoretical son might pose a theoretical risk to Henry but he would also be Henry’s heir. The anxieties around the succession are typically dated to after Humphrey’s death in 1447 but there is every reason to assume that this may happened earlier. I heavily suspect that these anxieties were a real concern for Humphrey and Eleanor, not least because their own lack of children meant they both lacked an heir. Additionally, if Henry and co were especially worried by the fact that Eleanor was trying to have a baby, the best way to solve that problem was for Henry to marry and start trying to produce an heir. And honestly, what were they even worried about? Eleanor was in her early 40s and childless after 13 years of marriage. She wasn't going to have a baby.

And by the way? That "[b]y her own admission, she was a traitor and must be punished” line? Creeps me the fuck out. It reads like the start of a S&M scene.

#eleanor cobham #rants #blog #historian: lauren johnson