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0skeleton-tears0 · 8 months

Text

Rosyln

[Jacob Black] X [Reader]

One shot

Prompt: Unwilling Imprint, ANGST

Pronouns: I tried to be gender-neutral but I may have messed up a few times.

TW: DESCRIPTIONS OF BLOOD AND GORE. Read at your discretion. A little bit of mommy issues lmao. (laughing through the pain rn)

Notes: I don’t have the best grasp on what phones were like in the 2000’s so it’s probably inaccurate. Jake is fine y'all please don’t call paw patrol. JUSTICE FOR LEAH CLEARWATER. A little bit of simping for her because idc she's gorgeous and I love her.

I realized that the timing for this is a little confusing, so its supposed to take place in like the middle of New Moon but I wrote that Seth and Leah had already shifted, which doesn't happen until eclipse so pls ignore that.

THE FUCKING TITLE HAS BEEN SPELLED WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME ITS ROSYLN NOT ROSLYN

꧂☾✮☽꧁

Jacob Black had made it clear he didn't want me in his life anymore. Those last words I had heard from him burned themselves into my memory, into my very skin.

"It wasn't supposed to be you."

I cringed and tried to sink into the bed further, but the mattress wouldn’t let me in. My eyes traced the shapes in the popcorn ceiling of my room, and I tried desperately to think of anything else. Making shapes out of nothing—and stories to go with it. Yet my mind seemed to somehow circle back. Everything seemed to remind me of him. And the last time I saw him.

The rain pounded against the steps of my front porch, drenching my clothes in muggy water. The deafening sound almost tore me away from the boy in front of me. But he wasn't the boy I knew before. He was taller, bigger, and much meaner. He said nothing for a moment, he just stared at me. I couldn’t read his expression—it was many things all at once. There seemed to be some sort of realization, then confusion, and then hatred. A burning hatred that made me want to shrink away from him. It made my skin crawl. I was suddenly very aware of the way my clothes now hung to my skin, the rainwater adding an extra pound or two.

He shook violently, his breath hitching. His eyes darted around like they were searching for something.

I hadn’t expected him to change so drastically in the two weeks I hadn’t seen him. His long, dark hair was cut short. His formerly lanky figure looked like that of a man twice his age. And his dark skin bore an intricate tattoo located on his right shoulder. It was the same tattoo Sam had. Sam, the man he apparently hated.

"It wasn't supposed to be you."

That was the last thing he said to me, before storming away. Into his truck, and out of my life.

It hurt to think about it, I tried to convince myself that it was somehow my fault. That I had said or done something wrong. Something so vile that it would make him hate me enough to leave. But why would he be so angry with me? I had called him, I called Billy. I even tried calling Charlie. No one would give me a coherent answer. Charlie was the only one willing to give me anything. Saying something about how Jacob and Bella had gotten into a big fight, and she was receiving similar treatment. But to know that he had at least had contact with her while having ignored me completely. It stung. It made my skin crawl, and I felt a burning sense of rage. But it was overshadowed by guilt. Maybe it was my fault—or was it selfish to assume that everything in his life revolved around me?

I felt tempted to call Bella. It seemed like she knew the most about whatever had Jacob acting this way. I bit my lip, weighing my options. Bella and I were never close, I knew that Jacob liked her. Jacob liked her a lot—I bit my lip a little harder at that thought. I hated the way he would swoon whenever she breathed in his direction. How he would trip over his feet trying to please her. And yet he couldn’t take the hint that she didn’t want him. And she refused to let him go. Wrapping him around her finger and leading him on, only to pull back as soon as he got his hopes up. I stared at my phone, I had Bella’s number saved somewhere deep within my contacts. The last time I had actually used it was weeks ago when I tried to be friends with her—she had denied my advances of course. I reached for my phone hesitantly. My heartbeat quickened slightly. Would she even answer me? Was it rude to try and talk to her just so I could ask about Jacob? Especially while they were fighting? My finger hovered above the call button. I pressed it quickly, it was worth a shot.

The phone rang for an uncomfortable amount of time, enough for me to start regretting my decision. But before I could chicken out and hang up, Bella answered. She didn’t sound too great. Her voice was slightly hoarse, and it wobbled a bit. It sounded like she was forcing the words out of her mouth.

“Hello?” She answered. It took me a second to remember what I had called her for, though I should have expected this from her. She was almost in the same situation I was in. Almost.

“Hey Bells,” I used the old nickname we had for her when we were kids. I hoped that the friendliness would maybe help convince her to spill the beans about Jacob. “I don't want to pry into your guys’ business, but what's going on with Jacob?” I tried to sound like I was just mildly curious, forcing the worry out of my tone. But I didn't have time to explain my reason for asking before she cut me off.

“He's just not feeling well.” She spoke fast, too fast for me to understand at first. The words jumbled and rushed, slowly connecting in my mind. Not feeling well? He seemed fine to me.

“Oh,” That couldn't be all that was wrong. “Did he say if he was sick?” I questioned. I wanted to drag this conversation out. I wanted to pry as much information as I could from Bella.

She paused on the other side of the phone—I desperately wanted to know what was going on inside her head, to hear what she was keeping from me. There was no way she didn't know more than what she was leading on. “Uh, he said it was Mono. Yeah, he got pretty bad Mono recently so you probably won't see him for a while.” She spit the words out fast. Stumbling over them like the way she stumbles through life. I knew for certain that he did not have Mono. That was the biggest load of shit I had heard since Jacob told me he “didn't have a crush on Bella”. People got Mono from kissing someone else with it, and I knew that Jacob wouldn’t have kissed anyone but Bella. And she was apparently Mono-free.

“Oh that’s awful, when did he get it?” I asked. I had no idea whether or not she knew about my recent encounter with Jacob. Only her answer would tell.

She panicked for a second. “Um, I think it was three weeks ago. Yeah! Three weeks.” She sounded more sure of herself the second time she said it. Bingo.

Bella had always been a bad liar. She’d stutter over her words more than usual, and she’d start to get antsy the longer the lie went on.

“Huh, well that really sucks. If you get a hold of him could you tell him I hope he feels better soon? I haven't been able to contact him.” I didn't plan on telling Bella about Jacob's midnight appearance. She didn't know, which meant she didn't need to know.

“Yeah, I will.” She sounded eager to hang up, so I put her out of her misery. I tossed my phone back onto the bed. And began to calculate my next move.

Bella had no idea that I had seen Jacob, so she had no idea that I was certain he was not sick at all. Sick in the head maybe, but he seemed physically healthy to me. Jacob stood in the pouring rain with no problem, in a sleeveless shirt might I add. And showed no signs of any kind of sickness. From the sound of it, Bella knew he wasn't sick. It was painfully obvious that she was trying to cover for him. I had to come up with some plan of action. I needed Jacob to talk to me. It wasn’t fair that Bella was allowed to know everything while his “best friend” wasn’t.

I inhaled deeply through my nose and exhaled from my mouth. This wasn’t going to be easy. I had no idea where he was, and I knew no one was going to tell me. I could beg Billy to tell me what was going on, he could only handle so much of my puppy-dog eyes before he cracked. I could march my way to Sam’s house and demand to know everything. Both plans of action sounded terrible. It felt selfish. I wasn’t really owed anything, it felt wrong to demand that they tell me their secrets. Maybe once I found out I’d wish that I’d left it alone. Stubborn as always, I decided that I was going to find out. You can’t just shut someone out for no reason and then be upset when they want to know why.

I reached for the stale glass of water on my bedside table and knocked back a large gulp. I cringed at the funny taste. My thoughts flew a mile a minute. I came up with a new plan of action. I was going to go to Jacob’s house and wait for him there. He couldn’t stay away from his house forever and I was willing to wait as long as it took. He would talk to me, whether he liked it or not.

I marched to the other side of my bedroom and rifled through my closet. I picked out the first outfit I found, and threw on a jacket. I snatched my keys and marched to my front door. I didn’t care who I had to ask, I would figure this out. There was no way Jacob was getting rid of me so easily. The puddles on the pavement splashed violently as I stomped through them, soaking through the crevices of my shoes and dampening my socks. But I was too preoccupied to care. The car door creaked from the force that I opened it with, I threw myself into the driver's seat and slammed it shut again. I flinched from the loud noise. I need to slow down a bit. I inhaled, closed my eyes, and relaxed my shoulders. I shouldn’t be driving in such a state. I pried my eyes open and started the car, reversing out of the driveway once I heard the roar of the engine.

The long roads that led to the reservation were more familiar to me than the back of my hands. I had driven there so many times, for as long as I could remember. It hurt to think about every other time I had been here. When things weren’t so complicated. When it was Jake and me against the world. Without Bella. I bit the inside of my cheek, focusing on the pain from that instead of the tears threatening to spill. Breaking down crying while driving was not the best idea. I didn’t need to add a hospital visit and a wrecked car on top of all of the other shit going on in my life. I focused on my breathing, and not crashing the car. With every landmark, I knew I was getting closer. It wasn’t long before I was turning down the road that led to Jacob's house. A cozy, barn-esque house. Where I shared some of my most cherished memories. Though the memories were slightly bitter now. I parked the car in his driveway. Billy Black was sitting on the porch, his eyes bored into my very soul, and I fought the urge to avoid them. He huffed and wheeled himself back into the house.

I shoved myself out of the car and marched up to the front door. I pounded on the stable wood, he wouldn’t ignore me too. Billy swung the door open, looking frustrated and concerned.

“He isn’t here [Y/N]. I’ll tell him you stopped by.” He turned to close the door again. It hurt to have Billy turn me away. I had never felt anything other than welcome in his home, but I was treated like a stranger now, he was treating me like a girl scout. I grabbed the door before it could close.

“Then I’ll wait here for him,” I said in the sternest tone I could manage. It killed me to be rude to Billy. But I kept my guard up. I couldn’t show any sign that I would back down.

Billy sighed but made no move to let me in. He glanced behind him into the house, then back at me.

“I hate to do this to you kid, but you really can’t be here right now.” Billy looked me in the eyes again. His tone was stern but comforting. But I couldn’t give up so easily.

“Why not? Why won't anybody tell me what’s going on?” I was more desperate this time, my faḉade dropping. It took everything in me not to start hysterically screaming.

Billy cringed, it hurt him to shut me out. He obviously knew what was going on with his son but something was stopping him from telling me. He looked up at me again, opening his mouth to speak. But his eyes caught something behind me, and he stopped. I turned around. A red truck pulled into the driveway. Jacob sat in the driver’s seat and huffed when he saw me. I looked next to him, of course, Bella was with him. She bit her lip, and blinked way too many times, looking between me and Jacob. He stepped out of the truck and walked to the other side to open Bella’s door for her. He was just pouring salt on the wound at this point. The pair walked toward me, I opened my mouth to yell at Jake, but he walked right past me, Bella in tow. Billy looked disappointed but said nothing. Bella looked back at me with a look that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. It almost looked like sympathy, but there was venom to it. Not quite a glare, but not friendly. I scoffed. Who does this girl think she is?

“Hey!” I shouted. Jacob paused, his shoulders tensed. But he didn’t turn around to look at me. “What is your problem?” I continued, “What am I not good enough for you anymore? Not cool enough to hang out with you and your new friends?” This went much more calmly in my head. A lot less accusingly. Jacob still refused to look at me. But Bella did. She walked toward me and put her hand on my shoulder.

“[Y/N] I really think you should leave.” Bella insisted, but I shoved her hand off of me. I was even more frustrated that she had the audacity to tell me what to do after she tried to lie to me earlier.

“No! I’m not going anywhere ‘till he explains himself! He has no right to just cut me off.” I yelled, more at him than her. But she still flinched, and I felt a little bad. Jacob spun around now, jumping at the chance to protect Bella. He got in my face and pushed Bella behind him.

“Don’t you dare yell at her.” He glared at me. He shoved me back a bit, the force almost sent me flying, but I held my ground.

“I’m not yelling at her, I'm yelling at you, Jacob. Funny how you only speak to me when you want to protect her. And what the hell does “It wasn’t supposed to be you” mean?” I got right back in his face, confronting him about his last encounter with me. His eyes widened slightly, and he glanced back at Bella. She furrowed her brows and looked at him.

“Jake, what are they talking about?” She held onto Jacob’s shoulder and tried to turn him towards her. But he didn’t budge, only turning his head to look at her.

“Don’t worry about it, Bells.” The nickname made me want to barf. Wasn’t she dating that Cullen guy? Oh right. The Cullens had packed up and moved town a few months ago, the whole town had been so worried about Bella since she was so in love with Edward. I had felt bad for her too, her depressive episode was all too familiar to me. Though it seemed she had moved on and sunk her claws into Jacob now. Suddenly I wasn’t too sympathetic toward her.

“He didn’t tell you?” If he wouldn’t, I would. “He showed up at my doorstep in the pouring rain and told me the most cryptic bullshit I’ve ever heard, before disappearing out of my life!” I shouted. It seemed I had called out to some weather god because a light rain began to fall on all of us. But no one made any move to take shelter. At least this was more dramatic now.

Bella looked confused but didn’t press any further. Jacob turned to me again, he looked more frustrated than mad now.

“Look [Y/N], just go away. If I could tell you I would. But you shouldn’t be here right now.” Jacob started to shake, he wasn’t wearing that thick of clothing, so he was probably cold because of the rain. He turned to walk away again, but my hand shot out on its own to grab onto his shoulder. Woah. I was wrong, Jacob wasn’t cold at all. He was hot to the touch. It almost burned.

“Holy shit!” I pulled my hand back, and he turned around frantically, my cry alerting him. “Jacob you’re burning up! I think you need to see a doctor or something.” I looked down at my hand, thankfully it wasn’t burned, only a slight red tint was left behind. Even though I was mad at him, I couldn’t help but worry. As much as I try, I’ll never be able to hate Jacob. I looked up at him, my ‘angry face’ was gone now, a look of worry taking its place. His eyes softened for a moment. His shoulders relaxed, before tensing back up again. His gaze hardened, and he huffed.

“Go.” Was all he said, before turning again. He ushered Bella to follow him, leaving his arm around her shoulder. I stomped forward again and slammed my palm onto his shoulder.

“Hey! I’m not leaving without an answer, Jacob Black. If you think you can get rid of me that easily you are stupidly mistaken.” I let out a sarcastic laugh at the end of my sentence. Nothing was funny about this but I couldn’t help myself. Jacob shook more, and his breathing sped up. He let go of Bella and looked at me.

“I am not going to tell you again [Y/N].” He emphasized each word, “Leave now, for your own good.” For my own good my ass.

“No Jacob, not until you tell me WHY.” I emphasized my words, mimicking his. He shook so hard I was afraid he would combust.

And then he did.

Within a split second, the sounds of clothes tearing filled my ears. And I felt something tear at my arm. I was flung back from the force of it, landing on the muddy ground. White hot pain shot through my entire right side. I felt something warm run down my arm, contrasting with the cold rain surrounding me. But my focus was still caught on what was in front of me. Jacob was gone, replaced with a reddish-brown wolf. It was the size of a horse. Way bigger than any normal wolf should be. My mind felt fried. This couldn’t be real. This had to be some horrible dream or some hallucination. But the pain in my arm told me that this was all too real.

The wolf, presumably still Jacob, snarled and growled for a moment before its eyes caught sight of my arm. I looked down. I could barely see anything past the amount of red. It was my blood. The flesh was torn, ripped almost to shreds. Exposing the pink mussel beneath. I caught a small bit of white. Bone. My breath was rapid. The air entering my lungs burned, it felt like they were trying to rip open. I shook. It took everything not to start screaming. I was in shock. This couldn’t be real.

I looked back up at the Jacob-wolf. His ears flew back, and he shook and backed away slightly. His brown eyes, eyes I knew too well, flickered between my face, and my arm. His tail tucked between his legs, and he ran. With incredible speed, he ran into the forest. My ears rang.

All I could hear was the pounding of the rain and yelling. I heard yelling from all sides. A woman’s voice. And a few different male voices. I heard something thump on the ground across from me. But as my vision blurred, I was unable to make out what it was. Or, who it was. I felt something pull me from the mud. Two large hands grabbed me and held me tight. I was pulled into someone's arms, and I felt us move. The heat was almost unbearable. It was suffocating. I wanted to pull away. To be left on the ground. But I couldn’t pull together the strength to do anything. I felt oblivious to the world around me. Everything was blurry, and moving both too fast, and too slow all at once. I could make out only some of the words I heard around me. Most were panicking. But over all of that, I heard a calm voice yelling orders. I heard more clothes ripping, and two more giant figures ran into the woods. After Jacob.

I heard that same voice from above me, it was calm and reassuring this time.

“Everything is going to be okay [Y/N], we're gonna get you some help” It was distinctly Sam. I knew that tone. It was paternal, it was gentle. But it felt so firm, so firm that I believed every word of it. I let myself relax. Black spots entered my vision, everything was blurry again, and then there was nothing.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

The faint sound of beeping woke me, the shrill noise scraping against my ear canal.

I groaned. My everything hurt. I squeezed my eyes further shut, trying to block out the bright light that threatened to burn my retinas.

My opened my eyes reluctantly as I heard footsteps come through the door. Sam’s large figure came through the doorway. He looked calm, but his brow was slightly furrowed. He opened his mouth to speak, before shutting it again. He looked down for a moment, almost like he was having a conversation I couldn’t hear. Sam inhaled deeply, before stepping towards me. His heavy footsteps resonated through the nearly silent room. The only other sounds were the beeping of the machines next to me. He stepped cautiously towards me, before sitting down in the chair next to my bed. I looked at him anxiously. I knew what was coming, but I didn’t know how. There was no way I could explain what I had seen without sounding insane, “Why yes doctor, my best friend turned into a wolf and mauled my arm. No biggie though.” I bit the inside of my cheek nervously, but Sam gave me a knowing look that calmed me slightly. His look told me he could understand the silent words I was trying to speak.

“How are you feeling?” Sam’s commanding voice vibrated off the walls. I didn’t know how to answer, I assumed he was asking about my arm.

“Fine, the doctors gave me a bunch of meds to make it hurt less so I’m mostly just numb now-”

Sam raised his hand to stop me.

“No, no. How are you feeling.” He emphasized the word. He didn’t mean my arm. It was clear that he wasn’t going to try and cover up what I had seen. I knew there wasn’t much I could say to him. If anyone were to overhear me talking about my friend turning into a giant wolf and scratching my arm, they’d ship me off to the psych ward without a second thought. I bit the inside of my cheek. For a moment, I refused to meet Sam’s gaze. His eyes were intense—they always were.

I tried to think of an answer for him. But I just couldn’t put what I wanted to say into words. He seemed to understand my frustration, and he sighed.

“Look kid, I know that this is going to be hard to understand, but it's time you know the truth.”

I perked up at this. Finally, they were going to tell me what was going on. It only took a traumatizing and unexplainable experience, and my arm getting fucked up to make it happen. Worth it.

We sat there for what felt like hours, as he explained to me the deep, and extensive past of the Quileute tribe's history. How they could turn into wolves, and it was their duty to protect humans from vampires. He also told me about where Bella fit into all of this. The Cullen boy she was dating was part of a family of vampires. And, by proxy, she was now involved with the pack too. But everyone in the pack was sworn to secrecy. And that's why they couldn't tell me. Sam being the alpha made his word law. So they had no choice.

I felt guilt bubbling inside my chest, I was so mad at Jacob and the others for not telling me. But they couldn't whether they liked it or not. It felt like someone was grabbing at my heart and squeezing it. I felt so selfish, so arrogant. I demanded that they tell me everything, and then got myself hurt. I felt so bad.

Sam gave me a sympathetic look, it was as if he understood without me having to speak a word.

“It’s not your fault. Besides, we would have had to tell you anyway.” I looked up at that. But he paused.

“Why?” I asked. It was hard to find the words I wanted to say. I felt like I had so many questions, but forming them together in a coherent manner was impossible. These drugs were fucking with my head. I noticed that the lights were a bit fuzzy now.

Sam looked away and contemplated for a moment. But when he looked back, it was obvious he wasn't going to explain himself. Why does everyone have to be so cryptic all the time?

“I think Jacob should tell you himself,” Sam spoke with finality. There was no wiggle room to try and pry anything out of him.

I sighed. But I didn't try to push any further. I was exhausted. Taking in so much information was hard, especially while I was barely awake. Sam smiled at me and stood. He towered over my bed, making the giant machines look like children's toys. This explains why the Quileute men are all so big.

“I'd better let you rest kid, just come to the reservation whenever you're ready.” He smiled and made his way out.

I sunk back into the firm hospital bed. I ran through everything in my head again. Vampires? Werewolves? What other ghouls should I be worried about? Will I run into a troll the next time I cross a bridge?

I couldn’t pull together the energy to really care at the moment, the only thing I cared about was going back to sleep. I glanced down at my bandaged arm, moving it slightly, and wincing. I sighed, and relaxed my whole body. I tried my best to ignore the beeping, and clamped my eyes shut. I shifted slightly, and felt a jolt go through my entire right side. I grumbled and settled back down, being more weary of my arm this time. I rolled my eyes, this was going to be a long recovery.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

It took a week before they let me out of the hospital. But the stitches in my arm would take way longer to come out. And I wouldn't even be fully healed for a few months.

They gave me fresh clothes since mine were basically ruined. I had to wear a shirt that was way too big for me, and shorts that went down to my calves. My socks were a bright yellow, and the worst texture I’ve ever felt, with grips on the bottoms. This sucked. Stupid Jacob. Stupid wolves. Stupid me.

My mother helped me to the car, but I nudged her away slightly. My arm was hurt not my legs, I could still walk on my own. I half-expected her to try and carry me to the car.

I wasn't allowed to drive while my arm healed, obviously. But at least I got time off of school, and off work. At least one good thing could come out of this mess.

But having so much time on my hands gave me too much time to think. And of course, my mind went to every bad scenario that could happen. I didn’t know how I was going to be able to face Bella. She had seen everything. But I couldn’t really find it within myself to hate her any less. Hate feels like a strong word, but I can’t think of any other word to describe the way I feel about her. It felt like she had ripped my best friend away from me, and left a gaping, burning hole behind. But was it entirely her fault? He chose to leave me, for her. But at the same time, she didn’t make any move to stop him. I sighed. Obsessing over it wouldn’t change anything. My mom glanced at me from the driver's seat. I could see her reflection through the window, as I stared at the beautiful scenery. The rain cast a thick fog across the forest, giving a gray tint to the world around it. My mom's eyes scanned my face, before quickly bouncing back to the road.

“What’s wrong honey?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. So many things were wrong. Jake was gone, my arm is fucked, and I’m way behind on my homework. What was I supposed to tell her?

I sighed, “I just… I just miss Jake.” That felt right. It was the truth, but not in its entirety.

She grimaced, “I know sweetie, but… when people get older, they tend to drift apart. Maybe it’s just time to let Jacob go. Maybe make some new friends?” She always got over things quicker than I did.

“No. He’s my best friend. I can’t lose him.” But what would I do if I did? It was entirely possible now. He had his new wolf friends and… Bella. A shiver of anger rushed through me at the thought of her.

“I know it’s hard but-”

“No! I-” I cleared my throat. I didn’t mean to yell at her. “No, I- I won’t lose him.”

She didn’t respond, she continued to stare at the road ahead. The large pine trees cast a thick canopy above us, rainwater pouring through the gaps in the branches. I sighed and tried to relax. All this stress was bad for my health. I didn’t need to have a full breakdown and end up back in the hospital.

The pine trees gave way to a small path on the side of the road. I caught a glimpse of brown fur vanishing into the foliage. I gasped lightly, which alerted my mother.

“What’s wrong? Did you hurt your arm? You’ve got to be careful with those stitches in! And how did you even-” I cut her off before she could start ranting.

“No, no everything’s fine I just thought I saw something in the forest. Like a bear or something.”

Smooth [Y/N].

She looked hesitant, I couldn’t tell if she believed me, but I prayed she wouldn’t push me. I guess lady luck finally decided to cut me a break because my mom sighed and focused on the road again. I wanted to yell for her to stop the car. I wanted to jump out and chase after him. I didn’t care if I was injured, or if I could get lost in the forest. I wanted nothing more than to just at least talk to him. But after… the incident… would he even want to see me? I held back a sob.

As soon as we pulled into the driveway, I shoved myself out of the car. I needed to be alone for a bit. My mom waited a bit to get out, trailing behind me a few steps. I stood on the porch, waiting for her to unlock the door.

Memories flashed at me in waves. Pieces from my childhood, when Jacob and I would play in the grass, or draw in the driveway with our chalk. When Jacob would pull in with that loud ass truck after school to complain about all the homework he had. And when he struck the final nail into the coffin that was now our relationship. I cringed. Everything would remind me of him now. Ghosts of my past would haunt the hallway. Phantoms of what I had lost. My mother didn’t bother to hide her concern. I’m sure I looked like a mess right now. My hair was unkempt, my eyes dark and sunken in, and my skin drained of its warmth. I felt like a shell of my former self. A ghost walking amongst the living, trying to blend in. I sniffled and shook it off. I didn’t need to scream my anguish to the world. As far as they were concerned, everything was fine and dandy. I let myself in as soon as the door opened, and made a bee-line for my bedroom. I ignored the memories, and my mother when I was asked what I wanted for dinner. I let my legs give out and fell onto my bed. Just inches away from crushing my arm. I sighed, and ran my good hand over my face, trying to wipe the stress away.

I had no idea how long I lay there. Staring at the ceiling, without even bothering to make shapes in it this time. My phone rang, and my computer pinged. But I made no move to check either. Nothing went through my mind. It felt like time was moving at breakneck speed, and I was stuck. Unmoving. I was catatonic. I felt myself going through my nightly routine, showering, brushing my teeth, and taming my hair. But none of it registered. Like an automated machine. I was on autopilot. When I lay back down, I hoped to just pass out immediately. I should be exhausted. And I should be happy to be able to sleep in something other than a hospital bed. But I felt nothing. Something was missing and I knew it.

But minute after minute of laying there, I felt myself start to drift off. Maybe when I woke up, everything would have fixed itself.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

I was running. Branches and bushes whipped around me, scratching at my arms and face. They caught onto my clothes as if they were trying to slow me down. But my feet carried me through the thick forest. I heard howling, and the sound of something running. But they didn’t stop me. I had to keep going. But what was I running towards? I didn’t stop to think, I kept moving. But I was quickly halted, as a huge, black wolf appeared from the trees in front of me. I stopped as fast as possible, losing my footing and sending myself onto the hard ground. I scrambled back to my feet quickly, without taking my eyes off the wolf. It was as big as Jacob was when he turned into a wolf. More wolves emerged from the forest surrounding me. I could see now that I was in a small clearing, only a few feet big. I turned around, ready to make a run for it. But as I did, I came face to face with a brown wolf. This one was closer than the others. And its eyes bore into mine, nothing was threatening about this wolf. It took a tentative step towards me, and I stepped back. It bowed its head and continued to approach me. But before I could move, its head snapped back up. It growled and snarled. The wolf took a step back. It wasn’t looking at me anymore, but something behind me. I didn’t have time to look before the wolf pounced. Jumping high above me. I screamed and ducked. And then, I was in my room.

I sat up in my bed, panting and sweating. My heart was beating so fast, I feared it would fly out of my mouth. I tried to slow my breathing, I wasn’t in the forest anymore. I was home. I was safe. It was a dream. A really weird dream. I fell back into my bed.

It was clear to me now that the brown wolf in my dream was Jacob. The reddish-brown fur, and the deep brown eyes I had known my whole life. But what did it mean? What was behind me? Why did he attack? Maybe it was just a weird dream, maybe it had no meaning. I assumed that the first wolf was Sam, it seemed a tad bit bigger than the others, and it just felt like it commanded authority. I sighed and rubbed my eyes. I rolled over to my bedside table and grabbed at my phone, eventually, my hand made contact, and I turned it towards my face. I recoiled from the intensity of the phone's light, my eyes having been adjusted to the dark. I squinted, 2:45 a.m. Great. It’s not like I was going to school in the morning, not while I was healing. So I could just go back to sleep. But what if I had another weird dream? I could only handle so much weirdness at a time.

The door to my room slammed open, and I flinched at the sudden sound. My mother stood in the doorway, still clad in her nightclothes. She looked frantic, and her eyes studied me.

“What happened?! I heard you scream!” My mother yelled, breathless. I guess when I screamed in my nightmare, I must have actually screamed. That was kind of embarrassing.

“Oh sorry. I had a nightmare.” I looked at my hands, they were shaking still. My mother sighed a breath of relief, but when she looked back at me, she was concerned.

“Honey, what’s wrong? You still won't tell me why you were in the hospital, and now you’re having night terrors? Why can’t you just tell me?” Her voice started to waver, I knew I was hurting her by not telling her.

It pained her to see me like this, but since she didn’t even know what was wrong, she was unable to help me. I felt so bad. But I knew I couldn’t tell her, Sam had sworn me to secrecy, and I wouldn’t betray his trust. Or the pack.

I didn’t really know the boys too well, of course, I knew Embry and Quil, as they were Jacob's other best friends—I didn’t know if I was even considered his best friend anymore, it felt weird to call myself that. After… everything. So of course I knew them well enough. But after the whole shift, and then Bella's situation. We grew apart.

I blinked, snapping myself back to the present. I think I just made mom more concerned.

“It was a dog. I saw some stray dog and I was gonna give it some food, but it attacked me.” I lied, I had to make it up on the spot. She didn’t look convinced, but I’m sure I looked rough enough for her to leave it be. She sighed, and gently grabbed the door handle, contrasting to how she had slammed it just a few minutes before. She glanced at me, before shaking her head and leaving. I sighed, relaxing my shoulders and flopping onto my bed. I thought back to the pack. So many of them were so young, too young to be fighting vampires. I thought back to Embry and Quil. Quil still hadn’t shifted, but Sam told me that they knew he would soon. I thought about how much Embry had changed. I didn’t even really talk to him anymore, but any time I saw him he just seemed different. I glanced at my phone. I probably still had his number somewhere. Maybe I should call? I still had plenty more questions about the pack. Why did they cut their hair off? Why did they go through a growth spurt that drastic? Why was Jacob so mean now? I held my phone in my hand and hovered over the call button.

“Hello?” Embry’s distinct voice echoed through the silent room. I almost forgot what I was going to say, he was still so different, but he sounded the same as he did before shifting. Into a werewolf. The word felt wrong. Like it wasn’t the right way to describe them.

“Uh hey, Embry. I’m sorry did I wake you up?” I tried not to stutter over my words. I had completely forgotten what time it was. I felt bad for waking him.

“Oh hey [Y/N], no it’s fine I wasn’t asleep yet.” Embry’s voice picked up in volume. The tired tone from his voice had vanished, leaving the excited boy I was familiar with.

“I uh, just wanted to ask you a few questions.” It wasn’t like that’s the only reason I called, but it must have sounded like it. Because Embry sounded upset like he audibly deflated.

“Oh, yeah. Of course, uh go ahead.” His enthusiasm from before was lost.

“No! No! I wanted to talk to you too, I didn’t just call for that. It’s just that since I know about you guys now, I can really talk to you again.” I reassured him.

I could hear him perk up at that. “Oh! Of course! Well uh, what’d you wanna know?”

We talked for a long time, and he told me a lot more about the Quiluete boys. How their hair translated to how long their fur was, which seemed stupid to me. That their bodies had to rapidly grow to accommodate their new wolf abilities. But when I got to my third question, Embry stopped. He didn’t answer when I called his name. But in a few seconds, he shook out of it.

“Oh uh, well, Jake’s been going through a lot more hormones than the rest of us, and he… He uhm…” He stuttered over his words, it was painfully obvious that there was something he wanted to tell me. But something was stopping him. I’m getting pretty sick of people being all cryptic and keeping shit from me. “He’s just, well… I don’t think I should be the one to tell you.” I was quickly reminded of my conversation with Sam in the hospital.

“So who should I ask?” I was getting frustrated at this point, but I didn’t let it show through my tone. After all, it wasn’t Embry that I was upset with.

“I think you know the answer to that [Y/N].” Embry finished. Before I could say anything in retaliation, he said a quick goodbye and hung up the phone. I glared at my phone as it flashed CALL ENDED across the screen. I resisted the urge to chuck my phone across the room in anger. Breaking your phone is counter-productive [Y/N]. I went back to my contacts, gazing at one familiar number. I shouldn’t call him so late.

Waiting overnight and thinking about what to say is probably the smart decision. But I didn't doubt that he would ignore my call anyways. At this point he probably had me blocked. I didn’t know if I should be mad at him for that or not. I was calling excessively, and that was bound to get annoying at some point. I thought about going back to his house, and waiting there for him to show up. But that didn’t go too well last time. But if I was calmer this time? My thoughts trailed off. I thought about every scenario possible. I thought about every possible way he could try and dodge my advances, and I thought of ways to make sure that he couldn’t run away from me. I don’t know when I managed to fall back asleep, but sooner than I thought I had drifted away. I was ready to face my problems. Tomorrow.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

“Come on, get your lazy butt up.” My mother barged into my room, ripping the blanket off of me and shaking my shoulders. I winced from the cold air hitting my newly exposed skin and tried to pry it away from her. “Wake up, you have a visitor.” That woke me up. My thoughts raced, was it Jake? Embry? Bella…

I heard a voice from the other room, “It’s okay Ms. (L/N), I could just come back later.”

Bella.

I sighed, slumping back down into my bed. I let my entire body go limp, hoping that I could somehow mold into the mattress and avoid all of my problems. But unfortunately, reality came like a harsh slap to the face.

“No, it’s fine hun! I’ll have them up in just a minute!” My mother called back, making a promise that I really didn’t want to keep.

I groaned into the pillow. My mother grabbed my shoulders again and started to pull. After a couple of seconds of pulling and tugging, I gave up and sat up fully.

“There you go. Now get dressed, we’ll be waiting in the living room.” My mother chirped and flitted to the doorway. “And fix your hair. You look like a mess.” She threw out one last comment on my appearance, shutting the door before I could respond. I sighed, did she expect me to wake up with perfect hair?

I shook off the last of my blankets and forced myself out of bed. I stumbled a bit, letting my legs get used to the feeling of walking again. I dragged myself around my room, grabbing whatever clothes I could find. To be honest, I was tempted to go out in my pajamas, was Bella really worth the trouble of getting dressed? I contemplated it for a minute, but I knew my mother would chew me out as soon as I stepped out of the door. I got dressed sloppily, not caring if I looked presentable or not. I ran my fingers through my hair, taming it as much as I could. I tied it back, hiding most of the mess. I didn’t bother with shoes.

I carefully opened the door, trying to refrain from making too much noise. I slowly shut the door and made my way down the hall on light feet. I rounded the corner into the living room, my mother's back was turned, but I had a clear view of Bella. She didn’t look too much better than me, but it was clear she had at least tried to hide it. Her hair was tied back, but the chunks that framed her face had escaped. Her eyes were dark, with deep bags hanging underneath. Her clothes were too big for her, hanging off of her small frame. I felt big just standing next to her. I felt like if I walked by her too fast she’d crumble. Her emotional state didn’t seem much better either. A small frown permanently occupied her light pink lips. Her eyebrows perpetually furrowed. I almost felt sorry for her.

It only took a moment for her to notice my presence, she looked up and gave a half-assed smile. I formed my lips into a tight line, I could be civil. But she was on my turf. It’s free range here. I smiled a little more at that thought. I made my way to the couch where my mother was sitting and plopped myself next to her.

She pushed me away slightly, “You’re sitting too close.” She murmured.

I made a show of scooting to the other end of the couch, exaggerating my movements as much as possible. She scoffed and looked back to Bella. Her expression brightened drastically as she looked at the girl across from us. Way to make it subtle Mom.

“So what brings you here Bella?” My mother chirped, she took a sip from her mug without breaking eye contact. Bella squirmed under my mother's intense gaze, fidgeting with her fingers and the hem of her jacket.

“Oh uh, I hope it’s not too much trouble but I’d really like to talk to [Y/N] alone.” She stuttered. She avoided eye contact with me entirely. I hoped that I was intimidating her.

My mother deflated as if she was hoping that Bella was here for her. No doubt I would get a lecture later, ‘You should be more like Bella! She’s so much better than you in every way blah blah blah’ etcetera etcetera. I rolled my eyes and shifted around.

My mother straightened again and smiled at Bella. “Oh of course honey! Why don’t you two go to [Y/N]’s room?” I snapped my head toward her, my room? It felt wrong to let Bella in there. As if she was trespassing into my domain like she was tainting my sacred grounds. I huffed, and my mother shot me a deadly glare. I winced and lowered my gaze. I held back a sigh as I pushed myself off the couch, gesturing for Bella to follow me. As soon as my back was turned, I grimaced. She shuffled behind me, watching her every step. Like she was afraid she’s break something if she stepped on the wrong floorboard. I rolled my eyes, knowing damn well I was the same way.

I shoved my door open and waved my arm in front of me in a ‘ladies first’ motion. She gave an awkward smile and walked in. When she was far enough into the room I walked in after her, shutting the door behind me. Every inch of my body was screaming. Screeching for me to shove her out, to get her out of my room. My brain itched and scratched, I wanted nothing more than to scream at her to leave. I smiled, at her and gestured toward the unmade bed.

“You can sit down.” I tried not to sound upset about it. Her sitting on my bed.

She glanced at the bed and hesitated. But she didn’t sit down. She continued to stand in the middle of the room. She bit her lip and blinked too many times.

“Oh, it won't take that long.” She started, “I just… wanted to talk to you about what-” she paused, “What happened.” I knew exactly what she was talking about. And I grimaced, taking a look at my arm. I chewed the inside of my mouth, debating my response.

“Oh yeah… That.” Wow. Absolutely amazing. 10/10 conversational skills [Y/N].

It was silent. Neither of us dared to say anything. Bella opened her mouth for a moment, presumably to say something, but she closed it just as quickly. I shuffled my feet, taking notice of the fact that I wasn’t wearing any socks. Kind of weird to have my feet out right now.

“It’s fine.” I blurted. “My arm I mean, it’s healing all right.” I clarified.

“That’s good. It was uh, pretty bad…” She trailed off, grimacing as she remembered that night. I thought about it too.

I felt tingles run down my arm as my skin remembered the feeling. The feeling of being torn open, the warm blood coating my skin and clothes. Lying on the wet ground with my former friend in front of me. My stomach lurched, and I resisted the urge to double over and empty my guts on Bella’s shoes. I shook my head, shaking the thought away.

“Yeah. But I’m getting better so.” I gave an awkward confirmation, was this all she came for? She could have just called or something.

“Um, [Y/N]... I dont mean to pry but…” Oh god, here we go.

“How are things with you and Jacob.” She asked shyly, shuffling her feet and picking at her fingernails.

I knew this question was coming. I guess it was only fair she wanted to know, but something in my gut told me that it wasn’t just innocent curiosity. I sighed, thinking about my answer for a moment.

“We haven’t spoken since then.” Putting it bluntly seemed like the best idea. I didn’t know if there was a way to sugarcoat it, but I didn’t bother to try anyways. Bella tried and failed, to hide her excitement. I guessed that was the answer she was hoping for. She tried her best to hide the way her back straightened, and her eyes lit up. But as always, Bella was a shit liar.

I gave an awkward smile.

“It’s fine though, I think it’s best to just give him some time before I reach out again.” I ignored the shiver that ran down my spine. I tried to ignore the way that she deflated a little. Maybe she was hoping that I would never speak to him again. She smiled and took one last look at me. Before she politely excused herself. Hopefully to leave my house altogether. As soon as the door was closed, I breathed a sigh of relief. And let myself fall back onto my bed, being careful not to land on my arm this time. I stared at the ceiling. I find myself in this position a lot huh? Whatever. Going back to sleep sounded really good.

꧂☾✮☽꧁

I was only aware of the events that took place in the next few days secondhand. And surprisingly, I made a new friend.

As usual, the sky was covered in a thick layer of clouds, creating a blanket over the trees. And the air was moist with the promise of rain. I walked briskly, I was completely out of snacks and that would just not fly. What was I supposed to eat? Real food? Absolutely not.

The posters covering the walls of my favorite convenience store brought a smile to my face. The door opened with a loud ding, alerting my presence to the man behind the counter. A sweet old man smiled at me through bushy eyebrows. His big handlebar mustache moved up with his smile.

“Hey, Mr. Barker!” I chirped, making a beeline for the snack aisle. As expected, it was recently stocked, and colorful plastic littered the shelves, drawing me in. What I wasn’t expecting, was Leah Clearwater standing in the middle of the small space. Right in front of my favorite chips. I paused, not wanting to alert her. I didn’t feel like getting on her bad side and getting my head bitten off today. But, as if she could sense me, her head turned quickly. Her beautiful dark hair was cut short, as were her sleeves and shorts. Her russet skin bore the same tattoo Jacob had. I had heard of her shifting recently, and of her father's death. I tried not to let the wave of pity I felt show on my face. I avoided her cold gaze and pretended to check out the other snacks. I would have to wait until she’d moved.

After a few seconds, a hand made its way into my view, holding my favorite kind of chips. I followed the arm upwards until I found the face of the owner. Leah held her hand out, without making eye contact.

“Here, you like these right?” Her voice was assertive like she wasn’t asking me. She was telling me.

I’m sure I looked really confused because my silence made her turn to look at me.

“Pack mind-reading. Jacob doesn’t keep much to himself.” She explained. I grimaced.

I was trying not to think about him. She must have noticed because her lips turned up just slightly.

“He still hasn’t told you huh?” She teased, but I could hear underlying sarcasm in her tone. She sounded upset about it.

“Oh god,” I rolled my eyes, “Not you too.” I groaned.

It took me a second to realize what I had said. And I slapped my hands over my mouth. I snatched the chips out of her hand and started to speed walk out of the aisle. But, to my surprise, Leah laughed. Not like the sarcastic one before, this one sounded genuine. It was a quiet, small laugh.

“I know what you mean kid,” I’m pretty sure I’m older than her. “I felt that way before I joined the pack.” She opened her mouth to say more but stopped herself. She peeked her head around the aisle to look at the old man behind the counter, and the various other shoppers. Mr. Barker was blissfully unaware of us, too occupied with his game of solitaire. She turned back to me and grinned for a split second, it threw me off for a second.

“Do you wanna talk about this at my house?” She gestured behind her with her thumb. Her face was unreadable again.

Oh.

OH.

I felt my heartbeat speed up, just a little. A pretty girl just invited me to her house. What do I do?! I felt my brain moving at lightning speed, trying to come up with a response that didn’t make me sound like a total dork. I prayed that I wasn’t sweating.

“Uh, sure!” I beamed. Nailed it.

She gave a small—noticeably strained— smile, I was sure that she saw through me without any trouble. But to be fair, she’s very intimidating. I mean, she could tear me in half like wet paper—the same went for all of the pack to be honest— and she’d look pretty doing it. I cleared my throat and tucked the chips under my arm. Being careful not to crush them. We went to pay for our stuff quickly, I’m sure the old man could sense my internal panic because he sent me the most heartwarming smile. Stupid old man and his silly mustache. I smiled back of course, before hurrying to meet Leah at the door.

She opened the door, stepping out into the cool air. The rain must have started when I went inside, it wasn’t pouring thankfully. I watched as Leah stepped out into the cold rain with no trouble as if it didn’t even phase her.

I suppressed a gasp as I watched, the water was evaporating as soon as it touched her skin, coming off as mist.

Incredible.

I guess I hadn’t paid much attention to how warm all the members of the pack were. Thinking back on it, I’m pretty sure Jacob did the same thing in the rain. The water had evaporated from his skin as soon as it had touched him. I hadn’t processed it then, with my mind being so preoccupied, I thought I was just seeing things.

I pried my eyes away from Leah. It was rude to stare. But as soon as I did, she laughed quietly to herself, before leading the way to her house. I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought.

The walk to her house was quiet, with nothing but the rain and the sound of cars filling the air. It was hard for me to tell if the silence was awkward or not. I couldn’t see her expression, as she was a few paces in front of me. Damn, she walked fast. She didn’t say anything for the duration of the walk, but thankfully it was short. We made our way up to the front door, she unlocked it quickly. It took a harsh shove for the door to open, it creaked loudly in protest. Leah groaned and held the door open for me. Waving her arm as a gesture for me to go in.

I was getting a lot of deja-vu from when Bella came over. I’m pretty sure I did the same thing. And just like Bella, I sheepishly made my way into the home. Taking in as much as I could, I watched my every step. Leah walked past me, and I followed her instinctively.

She led me to the living room, I repressed a sigh of relief. I didn’t know if I was ready to go into her room. That felt a little too personal. She gestured for me to take a spot on the couch next to her. I carefully sat down, feeling the couch creak a bit. She sighed, before turning to make eye contact with me. I resisted the urge to shy away from her intense gaze.

“So, Jake still hasn’t told you huh?” Leah started, “I guess it makes sense since he’s still got that obsession with the leech-lover.” Her tone was malicious, she didn’t try to hide her disdain for Jacob, and whoever the “leech-lover” was.

“Leech-lover?” I questioned, why would someone like leeches?

She paused and looked back at me. A sense of realization crossed her features, and she grinned.

“Bella, the vampire girl.” She explained. I nodded my head, humming in affirmation. I had almost forgotten about the fact that vampires existed too. And that Bella used to date one.

Wait. Vampires. Does that? Mean what I think?

“Wait, the Cullens were vampires. Did they… eat people?” My voice wavered at the thought, were they responsible for the unexplainable deaths in the area? How many people of Forks had they eaten?

Leah noticed my concern and shook her head.

“No, the Cullens were… vegetarians. They ate animals instead.” She said that like she didn’t believe it, as if it were blasphemy.

“Oh. Okay, that’s a relief.” I sighed, “So there aren’t vampires running ramped through the streets anymore?” I giggled. Leah’s eyes darted away from mine. Oh god.

“Well, not the streets.” She sounded very reluctant to say that. I felt the color drain from my face, my eyes widened, and my breath hitched. There were still vampires? That wasn't the Cullens. They weren’t vegetarian. Leah saw my face and quickly retracted her statement. “No! No! It’s just one and we’ve got her under control.”

“Under control? So what you’ve got her like locked in your basement or something?” I barked out a strained laugh, trying to deflect my anxiety with humor.

“No,” she laughed, before fixing her face to look stoic again. “We’ve managed to chase her off the border, but we can’t figure out what she wants.” So she wasn’t just trying to kill everyone in sight? Good. Great. Cool.

She inhaled and shook her head lightly, “But that’s not what I brought you here for.” She started.

I perked up at this. Finally, I’d get some damn answers. I was confident that Leah wouldn’t be as cryptic as the others. Her blunt nature gave me a sense of security. I knew she would tell me the truth.

“So, did Sam,” she paused at his name, but I didn’t question it. She cleared her throat and continued. “Did Sam ever tell you about imprinting?” She asked.

“Imprinting? Like that thing ducks do to their moms?” What did that have to do with me? The last time I checked they weren’t ducks.

“Sort of. But it’s kind of different in our case. So, well- I… ugh” She stuttered over her words for a moment, “How do I explain this?” She sat there for a moment, gathering her thoughts. Before she inhaled and started again.

“When we imprint, it’s like, the whole world stops. As soon as you set your eyes on your imprint, the world stops rotating for anyone else. They are the only thing that matters, you would do anything, be anything for them. It’s a kind of devotion like no other. And there’s no escaping it.”

She didn’t sound too happy about it, now and then her eyes would narrow. I really wanted to see what was going on in her head.

I was starting to connect the dots in my head, so did this mean Jacob imprinted? On who.

Bella. Of course. Obviously, it was Bella.

I barked a laugh, “Of course.” Leah looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to continue.

“Jacob imprinted on Bella!” I could faintly hear her groan, but I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to care. “He imprinted on Bella, but he’s mad she doesn’t like him back so he ended up taking it out on me! Ugh, it all makes sense now.” The way Bella clearly didn’t want me around Jacob, the way he’d always protect her, the fact that he wouldn’t stop pining over her even though she didn’t want him. Of course, it was so blatantly obvious to me now.

Leah sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose disappointedly. I was taken aback, was that not what happened? I glanced out the window, it was getting late. I sighed and picked up my stuff. I got up to leave but Leah stopped me.

“Hey wait, that’s not what happened.” She started, then who was it?

“Jacob didn’t imprint on Bella, he imprinted on-” She was cut off by a loud BANG.

We both whipped our heads to the door, where a young Seth Clearwater stood panting. He barged in frantically and started to shake Leah.

“Leah! We gotta go one of the Cullens is back and Bella’s gonna go to Italy and get them back and Jakes freaking out and, Oh hi [Y/N],” He stopped for a second to acknowledge my presence, but I was still trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about.

He opened his mouth to continue, but Leah held up a hand and got up from the couch.

“[Y/N], you go home. I’ll catch up with you later.” She ordered, I didn’t have time to say anything before she and Seth hurried out the back door. I jumped from the couch and watched as they ran into the forest, I could see clothes tearing, and fur sprouting. I marveled at the two new wolves, watching them in awe as they darted into the trees.

I grabbed my stuff and hurried out the front door. The rain wasn’t quite pouring, but it would be a pain to walk in. I hurried down the street, trying to avoid the puddles. They splashed violently against my shins, dampening my pants. I cursed but continued.

It took me a long longer than I liked to make it back to my house. I was regretting not just taking my car, but walking was good for me and I needed to save gas. Courtesy of my mother. I stomped to the front door, my wet shoes making small puddles on the porch. I fumbled with my keys, and hurriedly unlocked the door. The house was dark and noticeably empty. Mom’s car was gone, and all the lights were off.

I flicked on a few lights as I made my way inside, but as I set my keys down my eyes caught something.

A brown leather jacket was hanging on the coat rack, it was way too big to be my mom's. And I knew it wasn’t mine. My heart raced, my eyes widened, and my mouth fell agape. Someone was in my house.

I scanned the area around me before my eyes landed on the hallway closet.

Bat! We had a bat in there just in case, and mom called me paranoid. I opened the door as quietly as I could, grabbing the bat quickly. My cold hands wrapped around the hardwood tightly. My knuckles turned white with the death grip I had on the poor stick. I slowly made my way through the house, turning corners quickly, with the bat raised to swing.

I felt a presence behind me, I was sure whoever it was could hear my heart pounding, and my breath hitching. I felt a large hand touch my shoulder gently.

I whipped around and swung the bat with all my strength. It made a sound CRACK as it met its target.

“Hey! What was that for?” I recognized that voice. I knew that voice so well, it was the voice I was praying to hear for weeks.

“Jacob?!” My hands fumbled for the light switch, I squinted as I turned it on. But I was able to see the boy in front of me now. Lo and behold, Jacob stood in front of me, like a giant brick wall. But he didn’t look like Jacob. His eyes were darker, heavy bags hanging beneath them. His skin was de-saturated, giving him a sickly look. His hair was messy, and his clothes were raggedy. I stepped back a bit.

“Jake, what are you doing here? How did you get in my house?! Why were you just waiting with the lights off?!” This didn’t make any sense, he avoided me for weeks, and then shows up in my house all creepy? I don’t think I’ll ever be able to understand this boy. I untensed my shoulders, and sighed.

He looked away for a moment, he looked embarrassed. “You weren’t here, and I heard Leah say you were at her house so I thought I’d wait here for you. I didn’t think you’d let me in soaking wet.” Of course, Jacob knew where the spare key was. So he wouldn’t have had any trouble getting in without committing a crime. I sighed and looked him in the eyes.

The air was tense, we both just stood there for an uncomfortable amount of time. Neither of us knew what to say.

“I heard what you and Leah were talking about.” Jacob blurted. It caught me off guard before I remembered about their whole wolf telepathy. I huffed. I had so many things I wanted to say, but putting them into words was impossible. I thought of everything at once, before just meshing them all into one.

“Why?”

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so vague, but Jacob looked at me with a guilty expression. It was clear he understood, he knew exactly what I was asking without me even having to say it. I tried not to let it show, but I was trying not to cry. I thought of everything that happened the past few weeks, it felt like it had been years since I saw Jacob. Really saw him.

Within a month I had lost my best friend, fucked up my arm, had my perception of reality shattered, and now my long lost best friend broke into my house. And I still don’t know who he imprinted on.

I sighed and shook my head. “Why did you cut me off, Jacob? What did I do? Was it something I said? Or did I make you upset? Whatever I did I’m sorry-” I started to ramble, I couldn’t even look at him as I choked the words out of my mouth. I had told myself I was ready for this confrontation, but just thinking about it made my eyes swell with tears. I tried not to let my breath hitch.

Jacob looked guilty again, grimacing and looking down. When he looked back at me, he sighed. He held my face gently and wiped the tears from my eyes.

“[Y/N] I’m sorry please dont cry.” It was clear he didn’t know how to comfort me, but he was trying his best. I pushed his hands away harshly and wiped my face with my sleeves.

“I’m not crying, you’re crying.” I hid my face in my hands, trying to calm myself down. I heard him huff and take a step back. When I was ready, I made eye contact again. I didn’t care if I looked like a trainwreck. My hair was frizzy and messy from the rain, my eyes were now puffy from the tears, and I could only assume the bags under my eyes were prominent.

“Well? Are you going to answer?” I demanded, I don’t think it was wrong of me to want some damn answers.

He grimaced, and looked away. His eyebrows furrowed, scrunching together in thought. I watched the way his eyes darted around for a second, I analyzed his every move to try and figure out what would come next. I was waiting for the bad news, for some terrible fate to come crashing down on me. I was waiting for him to look me in the eye and tell me he hated me.

His gaze hardened, and his eyebrows scrunched up. The way they moved seemed harsher this time, more hostile.

“I had no other choice. I won't get you wrapped up in this.” His voice was firm, unwavering. His eyes were dark, completely unreadable. I felt them burn into my skin even as I looked away.

“It’s a little late for that Jake.” I mumbled. His huffed, and I saw his jaw tense. His upper lip curled up slightly, in a menacing snarl.

It was frightening.

I told myself I wasn’t going to be afraid of him. He didn’t hurt me on purpose, I just happened to be standing too close.

But as the boy in front of me shook again, I shook too. My heart pounded against my ribs, I pulled air into my lungs violently. My lungs burned from the force of my breaths. My eyes widened, and I took a tentative step back. I tried my best to hold a tough exterior. But it was obvious how easily Jacob saw through me.

He stopped, and blinked. His cold exterior fell for a second, showing the warm, sweet boy I knew before.

But as soon as it was dropped, he caught himself. I blinked and it was back, sending a shiver down my spine. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a few seconds.

He let out a long exhale, and opened his eyes again. His calm and cool mask was back, no doubt hiding the anger I knew he was feeling.

But he deserved to be upset, after all that transpired. I failed to see where I could have possibly been wrong. What I could have possibly done to piss him off this much.

“I came to say goodbye.” He spoke, his voice didn’t waver for a second. His eyes didn’t move from mine, his unrelenting gaze intimidated me.

“What? Wait why are you leaving?” I asked, I didn’t try to hide my emotions this time. I was baffled, he’s leaving again?

“I just… have to. I’m sorry but this is the way it has to be.” My fat fucking ass it is.

“No it’s not, Jacob stop trying to run away from your problems!” I shouted, “What did I do to you? Why are you doing this to me?” I was frantic now, raising my voice at him.

“Goodbye.” He gave a curt nod, and turned around, making his way to the front door. I tried to grab at his shoulder to stop him but it was no use. He pushed forward, completely unaffected by my feeble attempts to hold him back.

He didn’t so much as glance at me as he opened the door, it gave a loud creek in response to being ripped open so suddenly.

I watched as he walked down the front steps of my porch, into the pouring rain.

I was vividly reminded of the first time he did this to me.

The first time Jacob had ripped my heart out of my chest, crushing it beneath his big stupid feet.

I stood in silence.

Not this time. I wouldn’t chase after him this time.

#jacob black #the twilight saga #angst no comfort #jacob black x reader #bisexual panic #mommy issues #jake is being an ass #originally posted on ao3

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dsgirl2024 · 2 months

Text

The World You See | Prologue | Yoongi | BTS OT7 x Reader Fanfiction

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CONTENT WARNING

This story has explicit descriptions of death, drug use, alcohol use, addiction, sex, language, mental illness, suicide, and other possibly triggering content.

If this will effect your well being in ANY WAY, PLEASE DO NOT READ!

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ABOUT

Genre ☆ Fantasy / Romance (Fanfiction)

Rating ☆ Mature (18+ Minors DNI)

Pairing ☆ BTS OT7 x Reader

Story Type ☆ Angel BTS (AU)

SUMMARY

You've always seen the world a bit differently than others. It was like your magic power. And maybe that was why only you could see the lights that night. The big, astronomical explosion of lights that rained down to earth in colors you had never known to have existed until now. Little did you know about a divine destiny beyond your wildest dreams, and seven angelic beings brought down from heaven to guide you.

Apparently, the world is ending, and they're convinced that you're the one to save it. All you have to do, is figure out how.

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Blackness.

Interrupted by the opening of a door. Light seeped through the cracks, casting a fluorescent trail that stretched long on the floor as a lanky figure burst inside; disheveled and angry, an aura of gloom stalked behind him. The entrance fell closed with a gentle clack, any light from outside eclipsed by the room's darkness.

A hooded man in a raincoat stumbled through obscurity, falling into things loudly as he searched amidst the darkness. His hands scaled the wall--desperate, slapping its cold, stony surface in search of a certain place.

Not long had passed when his fingers brushed a smooth steel handle, the metal cold to the touch. Without any hesitation, the man yanked it forward, launching himself over the threshold and into his empty bathroom.

A dismal atmosphere, the smell of bleach and toilet cleaner wafted through the air.

It's been a rough night--Min Yoongi'd wager the worst night, and a suppressed sickness had built up in his gut.

Throwing on the lights, Yoongi practically threw himself at the toilet, keeling over and retching into the water below. Veins popped from his arms as he steadied above the bowl, emptying his stomach contents. Praying for a hasty finish.

He hated puking by the sheer inconvenience of it, the way it felt, how it left a foul flavor on the tongue, bitter and tart. The vulnerable, clamminess as acid burned his throat. Oh, and the smell--Yoongi despised that most of all; the sickly, vile aroma that hung around like an unwanted guest. Arguably the grossest bodily function.

Lucky for him though, it was over in minutes. His body graciously prioritizing relief, a blessing compared to the times he was forced to suffer instead. At least, he was grateful for that.

Yoongi hovered there for a moment, allowing his body time to catch up. He spat a couple times, cleaning his mouth of any chunks, then wiped the extra drool with his hands. When the circulation returned to his brain, Yoongi straightened his stance--a bit dizzy at first, and looked in the mirror above the bathroom sink.

The reflected clock behind him read 11:55 p.m.

Hood now fallen away, the face that had been shielded now stared back at him hauntingly.

Yoongi's skin was pasty and a cold layer of sweat shimmered damp on his brow. Shadows cradled the underside of his eyelids and his long, jet black hair clung to his face like glue. Even he was shocked by his own visage, so gaunt and hollow...

...and bloody?

"Oh shhhit.." Three large smears of red ran down Yoongi's lower lip, catching his attention. The marks looked like vertical slashes, as if claws had torn his flesh, though faded and dull in color.

Quickly, he looked at his hands, eyes widening, pulse rocketing. Heart hammering against his ribcage.

Badum, badum.

In a panic, the man removed his raincoat and tossed it to the corner, the snout of a dragon tattoo exposed on his neck. Eyes locked with his reflection, Yoongi swallowed thickly, nervously. Then, he dropped his gaze to his arms, mostly bare in the black t-shirt he wore underneath. A shallow gasp puffed from his chest.

There was so much blood.

Spreading up his wrists and all the way to his bicep, Yoongi was a vision of horror, like something straight out of the movies.

The blood smeared in a unique way, resembling hand-prints and human scratch marks. The man groaned, flipping his hands forward and back as his eyes scanned the extent of the gore.

"Oh fuck."

Yoongi bowed his head and frantically turned the faucet, shoving his hands under icy-cold water. He splashed the rest of his arms and face in hurried, wasteful motions, not caring that half the water missed, and flooded the floor instead.

He just wanted to be clean.

Clean of him.

Gazing back at his reflection, it were as if the mirror Yoongi was judging his him. Questioning the validity of his actions and waiting, impatient for an explanation.

"I thought you were a professional, how could you be so stupid, Min Yoongi?" It begged to him."You don't makemistakes like this, Min Yoongi. Just because it was him, doesn't give you permission to be sloppy. They didn't train you to be sloppy, Min Yoongi. You're completely fucked, Min Yoongi!"

A lump lodged deep in his throat, impossible to swallow, and the feeling of sickness returned.

It took Yoongi a minute to realize that he'd started to hyperventilate. Short, shallow breaths heaved from his lungs, making him light-headed as the rapid intake of oxygen gave him tunnel vision.

Thoughts proved difficult to form, though the man was aware of the trouble he was in. A panic attack was the last thing he needed to deal with right now.

Yoongi gripped the cold, porcelain sides of the bathroom sink tightly, grounding himself. Trying to snap out of it.

"Get a hold of yourself, idiot." He thought."Now's not the time." There were more important things to attend to.

Like making a fallback plan... and a fallback plan for the fallback plan.

But first he needed a clear head, a little... creative intensive. Something to ease his mind from the anxiety, because in no way did that offer him clarity or focus. Focus.

He had to focus.

Grabbing for the mirror, Yoongi tugged it off the wall to reveal a large, hidden divot. A secret hole, for his secret things. Things that had to stay secret, else he'd suffer the wrath of his country. Careful to not drop anything, he gently placed each item in the sink, eyelashes casting a somber shade beneath his lids.

An elastic band, a spoon, a box of matches, a bag of brown colored powder, and a syringe. The items looked innocent enough by themselves, however, when mixed just right, they possessed the exceptional ability to seduce the mind in deliciously, toxic ways.

And right now, he craved to be seduced.

Cooking the ingredients together was second nature to Yoongi, his pink tongue poked out in concentration as he effortlessly enacted each step.

Powder goes in the spoon, spoon goes over the fire, fire melts the powder into liquid, and the liquid gets sucked up by the syringe-- a murky, ugly brown liquid. And just a little more than before.

All done.

Everything will be okay now.

It'll all work out.

"It'll all work out"

Yoongi repeated that phrase like a mantra, soothing himself, before tying the elastic around his bicep and plunging the needle deep into his vein.

Stepping back towards the wall, the black haired man slid into a seated position, one knee bent and eyes fluttering shut. He exhaled serenely, reveling as his heart rate slowed and the dopamine came crashing in. The cool bathroom tile felt pleasant on his skin, a balance of cold to hot that brought about a sense of calm.

With his head resting comfortably against the wall, Yoongi arched his neck to stare at the ceiling, onyx eyes dilating just as a black hole expands against the universe. There was nothing he could compare to a sensation like this. The utter ecstasy of it proved inexplicable but, suddenly current situations didn't seem so crucial.

He could just drift, existing, yet free of human conditions. Sallow lips lifted at the corners, clearly enjoying the euphoric rush.

It was bliss.

Or...

He thought it was, but...

Hold on.

"Ugh.." The man flinched, features contorting to one of discomfort as he wrapped an arm around his abdomen.

It took a second but, Yoongi's system quickly began to register the presence of something foreign, threatening. There was an unusual fatigue settling, one that made him woozy, and his head had begun to spin at an abnormal speed. And then his muscles fell heavy, sluggish--a numbness overtaking all perception of feeling.

When the man attempted to move, it was like a magnet held him in place."The hell.. is... happening..."

He couldn't give reason to his symptoms, knowing inside and out what an overdose felt like. This wasn't it. This was something else. Something malicious, as if intentionally placed, a predetermined means of killing him off, but for what?

Then, it dawned on him. However, much too late by now. "Shit."

They did this.

Eyes wide, he began to convulse. The drug sedating him to the extent that, even as he seized, the movements lacked violence. Just little spastic jolts as his nerves were attacked. Helpless to do anything really, Yoongi's face almost looked... amused. A minute smirk tugged at his lips as he considered the humor of it all.

"Those bastards..." He managed with a despondent laugh. He should have predicted it, though never in a million years did he anticipate such a fast retaliation.

He thought he could just leave, put the past behind him and throw away the key.

As if they'd let him.

How foolish he was.

How truly foolish.

The man glanced up, black hair falling around his eyes, the bathroom clock now right above his head. Tick, tock, tick, tock. The ticking of the second hand provided him a sense of company as he waited for... well whatever was next. 11:58 p.m.

In an odd way, Yoongi felt relief. Not from the idea of death, no. He didn't want to die, but then again, no one truly does. There was merely something... freeing in the fact that he no longer owed the world anything. No longer owed them anything. Although it had been naive of him to assume a different way out.

Tick, tock, tick, tock. 11:59 p.m.

Yoongi had regrets, of course. The things he'd done, the people he'd hurt. People he'd killed. A killer. A junkie. He was a killer and a junkie.

A shell of a human.

A weapon.

Even though he'd deluded that his hand had been forced, most of Yoongi knew that lie stank of shit. There had been choices he made, paths he walked down, and every single one chosen by his own volition. He alone held that gun, and he alone pulled the trigger.

But at least he tried to get out. At least he felt remorse.

Min Yoongi was not a good person. However maybe, if life had dealt him different cards, he'd have been a decent one. Tick, tock, tick, tock.

0:00 a.m.

Without warning, a room once incredibly bleak burst with a colorful, magic light, radiating in shades beyond imagination. Perfect, other worldly light, that soaked the darkness up like a sponge, leaving behind nothing but the sensation of warmth.

Yoongi's lips parted in awe. Perhaps it was a hallucination, some narcotic, in-flight entertainment as his brain deteriorated, shutting down forever.

Not that he minded--real or not, it was a pretty way to leave this earth. Better than what he deserved, anyway. The marvelous colors refracted his irises, spinning the black orbs in brilliant streaks of pigment--an intentional design.

As if shaping a galaxy.

Motionless, the man listened as gentle whispers encompassed his ears, barely audible, hushed and many, overlapping each other in tongues. Sentences beyond gibberish were impossible to discern. Even so, by some fate, Yoongi understood exactly what was being said, or rather he felt it.

Then, one very distinguished voice presented above the rest, offering him a trade. Yoongi, hardly conscious by now, tried to explain that he had very little to give. Nothing of eminent value. No riches, no possessions, perhaps not even a soul. There was just himself, and everything that he is.

Apparently, that was enough.

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