#kita shinsuke hurt/comfort | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

doingitforbokuto · 5 months

Text

The White Knight - Chapter Two

-> KNIGHT!KITA SHINSUKE X PRINCESS!READER

-> Previous Chapter

-> Series Masterlist

Summary: Although the search for your future husband has been put on hold, you still feel like your whole life you are being pushed around by the men in your life. None of them truly care about what you want.. except for one.

Words: 3,594

Warnings: mentions of blood and death, talks of arranged marriage

Your Point Of View

From the end of the hallway, you could see your brother standing in front of your bedroom door. It had gotten dark out and you decided it was time to leave the gardens and retire for the night. Your maid was already making her way to the kitchen to fetch your dinner and prepare a tea that the royal physician promised would help you sleep better through the night.

Of course, there was no knight with your brother. The only thing by his side was his sword. He still enjoyed the privilege of only being guarded when it was actually needed.

None of your previous guards had been assigned to follow you wherever you went. When they were with you, they were supposed to keep you safe and what was the point of keeping you safe inside the walls of your own home? It was the general consensus at court that only the king was to be guarded day and night. You have had knights who protected you when you left the castle or when you went to a big gathering like the feasts your father would hold on special occasions. But when no one other than the inhabitants of the castle were around, you had been free to spend your time without a knight by your side. After all, there were enough people that made sure that the castle was guarded and it was thought that no one who could harm you could make their way in.

That was until the last time your father had called together possible suitors for you, the only princess of the kingdom. Two of them had fought in the throne room, in front of theit king - a thing no one had seen coming. Your father was adamant about keeping the peace and keeping troublesome folks out of his castle. Of course there had been times when some of the men gathered at court had tried to settle their differences with a fight, but all of those fights had been caused by political differences or because someone had been insulted. This had been the first time that it had happened because of you. It scared both of you, your father and you. But the decision to tighten the circle drawn around you still hadn't been yours.

All your life, you had noticed the circle your family drawn around you. It limited all of your freedom. All of the space you had been allowed to explore. Where you could go. What you could do. Who you were allowed to talk to. And now, what you were allowed to do on your own - which was practically nothing.

Kita was supposed to be around you all the time. He had little time off, during the night and in the morning, someone else looked after your safety. Then, when you had woken up, gotten dressed and had your breakfast, he would start his duties for the day. He would only leave you for a little while to eat his lunch while you ate yours with your family, surrounded by your father’s guards. Kita would stay with you until you went back to your chambers to retire for the night, which was where you were going right now.

Your brother's eyes found yours and even from a distance, you could see curiosity glimmering in them. They moved from you to Kita, then back to you. Of course, he was here to interrogate you about the newest addition of royal knights.

“Ethan,” you nodded to greet him.

“My prince,” Kita bowed behind you.

Your brother smiled at the two of you. Oh, he was so going to ask you about him. “I've been waiting for you.” You wished you could just wipe that grin off his face. “I just wanted to talk to you for a bit. Why don't we go inside?”

He gestured towards the wooden door that rarely anyone other than you and your maids passed. He let you step in first and turned around to face Kita before following you.

“I think the princess is safe enough with me around. Why don't you go and find the night guard and then retire for the day, Sir Kita?”

Your knight glanced past your brother's figure to you, the slightest hesitation visible in his expression.

“It's alright, Sir Kita. I will see you tomorrow.” You gave him a reassuring smile without even wanting to.

Normally, you made sure that there was a certain distance between you and your knights. The last thing you ever wanted to do was make them believe that you were a woman who was interested in anything other than a practical relationship with her knight. It was your duty to marry a lord your father would pick out for you, so there was no point in searching for love and romance anywhere else. Though you were sure that a lot of the stories of ladys you knew being intimate with their knights while being married to someone else were true, that was not what you wanted to be. It was a princess’ duty to make sure she was respected and to make sure that there was no reason for every people to gossip about or speak lowly of her.

So that was why you always made sure to be a little distanced from your knights. But with Kita, you couldn't help but feel more at ease. It was obvious that he was one of the few people who believed in their duty, who wanted to serve and better their kingdom and lived for the things they believed in, who thought honor and duty to be above anything. He wouldn't make an inappropriate move on you - you hoped. So it was alright to show him a little softness, right? Especially after the scare you gave him earlier today, you still felt a little bad for him and didn't want him to feel like he was failing at his duty once again.

With your reassurance, he bowed again and moved to leave you while your brother closed the door to your bedroom.

“So,” he smirked. “Heard he's a scaredy cat.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment and made your way to the table you normally ate at. “You people will twist someone's words to fit your gossip.”

You took two cups from the middle of the table and poured a little wine into each one.

“Not at all.” Ethan stepped behind you and accepted one of the cups from your hands. “It's just a bit unusual to hear a knight admit that he's scared of dying. Makes him sound like he'll run away from a fight instead of protecting you.” The mischievous gleam was now gone from his eyes and replaced with a serious expression you rarely saw on your brother's face during a private conversation. “Do you really believe that he is the right man to protect you?”

“I know what you're thinking. What you're all thinking.” You shot him a warning look over the edge of your cup. “But I don't know any of the men father has picked out to be my knight. I can't trust any of them completely.”

“Of course not,” Ethan huffed. “But why would you pick out the one man who admits that he is scared to die? Why not pick someone who is ready to fight and die for you if need be?”

“What, like the other one's I've had?” A pained look crossed your brother's face when you said that. “The last ones I've had were just like that, ready to jump into a fight head first - and jump they did. Jumped and left me defenseless.” You looked at the floor and felt like you could still see a puddle of blood by your feet. “I want someone who won't get himself killed in front of my eyes. That might be him. And I don't think that he's someone who will run away from his duty. Do you?"

Your brother sighed and pulled out a chair to sit down. “I don't know, y/n. I really don't know. All I know is that so far all of your knights have done nothing but bring more harm to you. I do not want to see you suffer like that again.”

You sat down next to him. It surprised you that he was expressing his concerns for you this freely. Your brother loved you, of course he did. You knew that - he was your brother after all. But usually, he would tease you and poke a little fun at you, like most siblings do. Your conversations were funny and light hearted. It was rare for him to talk to you so seriously about such a sensitive topic. You weren't even aware that he knew how much you had been suffering because of the deaths of the other knights. It was nice to know that at least someone other than Alysane really cared about your wellbeing.

“I know some other good knights that would make a good protector and could replace him if needed. Just promise me that you'll tell me if you feel like he isn't the right man for you, alright?”

“ ‘The right man for me’? I think father is already taking care of that,” you chuckled, though it came out dry and humorless.

“You know what I mean.” He gave you a stern look. “Anyway, father put the search for a husband on hold for now. I think he's worried about more fights breaking out. So you have to wait for that man anyway.”

Your fingers traced the edge of your cup. Would this be your escape one day? You've seen more than one woman succumb to the numbing properties of wine after getting married.

“I don't want any of them, Ethan,” you whispered.” None of them care about what I want. Father doesn't care about what I want. No one cares about what I want.” You had no idea what possessed you to say this to him, but it felt like you were just desperately trying to push a huge weight off of your shoulders.

“That's not true. You know that that's not true.”

“Oh, really? When has he ever consulted me in the search for my husband? Not once has he asked me what I want in a husband! All that he cares about is a good political match.” This was why you never talked about serious topics with your brother. Never did he understand you!

“He is the king. He has to keep the peace. That is his duty and the duty of the whole royal family. He did his duty when he made peace after the uprising in the east. I did my duty when I fought in a war for our house. Now it is time for you to do yours.”

The tone in his voice was harsh and cold, letting you know that it was best not to talk back. He lifted his cup to his lips before emptying it in one go and slamming it back onto the table.

“Think about that while you can.” With that, he pushed himself up and strode out of the room.

Perhaps you were wrong. Perhaps there really was no one but Alysane who cared about your wellbeing.

You followed your brother's example and emptied your cup in one go. It left a bitter taste in your mouth. You should probably ask your maid to bring you a different one.

The next day, Kita walked suspiciously close to you as he accompanied you to the garden once again. He was on edge and shot you side glances every few seconds. Every now and then, you would catch his hand moving out of the corner of your eye whenever you strayed a bit away from him, almost like he wanted to reach out and hold onto you. Of course, he would never dare and actually touch you unless his duties required it of him, but right now you felt like he wanted to make sure you didn't get lost, like he wanted to make sure that you were still next to him.

On any other man, that kind of behavior might have made you feel unsafe and on edge, but with him, it was different. It was obvious that he didn't mean to be possessive or to touch you inappropriately - after all, he didn't even touch you. All he wanted to do was not lose you. And the fact that he was doing this was probably a consequence of your own actions from the day before.

You knew better than to leave your guards' side. More than once you had witnessed knights being punished for leaving their charge unattended. It was their job - their sworn duty - to give their all, even their life if need be, to make sure they were safe. If they failed, the consequences would be dire. You knew that. You knew all of that. And on any other occasion, you would have been more attentive but having a knight with you in the royal garden.. that was an entirely new experience to you. You truly had just forgotten that he was even supposed to be with you. Today, you would make sure it didn't happen again.

The tea you had tried yesterday did not help you sleep at all. If anything, it made you stay up longer because you were so desperately trying to fall asleep. Maybe it didn't help as much because the herbs in it were already dried two years ago? Perhaps picking fresh herbs and making a new tea would help you.

Deep down, you knew, of course, that that was just wishful thinking. There was no tea to help you, no meal or drink that could make the images of death and blood dissappear from your mind. They were engraved into your memory forever and you could never get rid of them. But perhaps wandering around the garden and busying yourself with the searching, picking and drying of the herbs would keep you distracted from those thoughts.

As you strolled through the gardens you let the sun warm your face. Every now and then you would stop and just let its rays catch on your cheeks. The sun bathed the flowers and plants that had just started to grow after the end of winter in a beautiful light. Little bees and butterflies were busy flying from one flower to another and you could hear the quiet hum of their wings as the passed by you. It felt like everything around you was coming back to life. It almost made you angry.

Why did everything around you have to be so alive, so happy and free while you were being locked away? Why did every little bee and mosquito get to fly wherever they wanted but you, princess of the kingdom, were doomed to stay inside the castle walls forever? Only to be shipped off to the man who would kiss your father's arse the best! Why you, why did it have to be you?! And why didn't anyone see how you were suffering!

Without even meaning to, you had started to just rip out the herbs that were growing in front of you. The basket you had placed on the ground beside your knees to keep the plants you had already picked up bumped against your arm when you ripped our fresh flowers only to throw them onto the ground next to where you kneeling. Intuitively, you gripped the handle of the basket and slammed the poor thing into the flowerbed where is dug into the soft ground and took the last few flowers down with it.

All of the pretty blossoms were smushed, covered in dirt and ripped from their stems. You had beheaded the little ones in front of you and tossed their bodies around until there was nothing left. No more blossoms for the bees to sit on and get their legs covered with pollen by. None for the butterflies to drink from. None for the ants to wander up and down on. None were left. And it was all your fault. Everything was your fault. You were all alone, and it was all your fault.

Your tears had started flowing down your face all on their own and now you couldn't stop them. Your chest heaved with heavy sobs. All you wanted to do was bring back the flowers you had destroyed. You were sorry, so sorry for what you did. It wasn't their fault that these things were happening to you, you were just so irritated and tired and frustrated with everyone and everything around you that you took out all of that frustration on them. And as you got more and more lost in those thoughts, you had destroyed every lovely thing around you until you were all alone.

Your hands started wiping at your face, at your eyes and your nose, trying to wipe off the tears and snot that was dripping down towards your chin. A hand started to move into your blurry field of vision, revealing a small handkerchief.

“Here, princess. Take this.”

Kita was kneeling next to you on one knee. One hand was on his propped up knee, the other one was still holding the handkerchief he had just offered to you. His face was calm but you could tell that he was really just trying to keep his facade up as to not upset you any more. If he was angry or sad, you could not tell.

“Thank you..” You couldn't bring your voice to rise above a whisper but he didn't seem to care as he gently placed the cloth in your hand. It was much softer than you had imagined a knight's handkerchief to be and you couldn't help but wonder if a woman had gifted it to him.

The same hand that had given you the handkerchief was now picking up your sad, little basked. The handle was broken and a few of the wooden strands were sticking out from the sides, but it was still usable. Kita carefully brushed off some of the dirt and started placing the flowers in it that weren't completely broken. His hands were big and rough from the work he did, but they still moved quickly and carefully, not one flower was crushed in between his calloused fingers. Watching him work his way through the battlefield of plants you had left behind was almost calming. It was a shame you didn't get to see him pick flowers more often. Perhaps in another life, he was a gardener. Or maybe even a farmer.

After he was done, he placed the basket back where it stood before you decided to punish it for things it didn't even do.

“What can I do, princess?”

Dumbfounded, you just stared back at him, half of your face still hidden by the now dirty handkerchief. His eyes seemed to pierce into yours, like they were trying to look deep into your mind. It was too much for you to face. “Do?”

“You're.. upset. I want to know what I can do to help you.”

“Oh,” you gave him a sad smile while still avoiding his eyes. “Don't worry about it. It is nothing that you have to protect me from, no one is trying to harm me.”

“I am your knight, princess. It is my duty to protect you from whatever harm may come to you. Physical or otherwise.” He looked at you with genuine worry now. “Please, tell me what it is that is wrong. Or merely tell me what to do to make it better.”

He was really serious about this. He didn't just want to jump in front of a blade for you, he wanted to make sure you were safe. In every sense of the word. Even when it was out of his hands.

“..there is nothing you can do to help me.” You fiddled with the cloth in your hands. “I'm sorry I worried you. It's just..” what were you even doing? There was nothing this knight could do for you, to truly help you. There was nothing anyone could do for you. “I'm just really tired,” you smiled. “I get upset when I can't sleep well, that's all. I've been trying all kinds of things to help me sleep but nothing does.”

He could see right through you. You could see it in your eyes, he was reading you like an open book. You both knew that what you just said was a lie, that your insomnia wasn't the true catalyst of your outburst but thankfully, he decided to play along.

“My grandmother has shown me an herb or two that she likes to mix into her tea blends to drink before bed.” He rose back to his full hight. His broad shoulders cast a shadow over your face and stopped the sun from blinding you as you looked up at him. A few stray hairs stuck up from the sides of his face, ones you'd never noticed if the sun hadn't been shining right onto him. He offered you a hand to help you stand up. “Let me show them to you, my princess.”

His hand felt rough under your soft skin as you settled your hand into his palm. It made you dizzy how smoothly and quickly he pulled you back up to your feet, like he had been waiting his whole life just to do that.

-> Next Chapter

47 notes · View notes

itszazouu · 1 year

Text

You're enough (kita shinsuke x reader who got rejected from an university)

characters : timeskip! Kita Shinsuke x gneutral reader

genre : hurt/comfort

warnings : mention of academic rejection, crying, throwing up, self doubt, mental break down

a/n : hi guys, well my application for my dream university recently got rejected, so I guess writting a scenario with my sweet boy Shinsuke is my way to cope, hope you'll like it ♡

as you are in an established relationship with Kita Shinsuke, one day you receive a response from an application you sent to your dream university, unfortunately this isn't the aswer you were hoping for

You can’t believe it. No, it is not possible.

As you look at your laptop screen in your darkening living room, you feel your eyes filling with tears. You just received a response for an application from your dream university.

Hello, this is x university, We are sorry but considering the requirements of our institution and your profile, we regret to inform you that you are not eligible and you can’t come to study in our university. The final result will be communicated in a few weeks, and we hope that you will be able to continue your studies in another institution.

You really can’t believe it, you feel your heart collapsing in your chest. Your blood is turning cold and your hands are shaking. Why is it happening to you ? You’ve worked so hard. Many restless nights and stressful days were sacrificed in order to prepare yourself for this. And yet, it isn’t enough. You fear the disappointment of your parents, your friends and Shinsuke.

Oh god, what are you going to tell Shinsuke ? He was so supportive and comforting towards you during your worst days. When you were insecure of your capacities and convinced that you won’t make it. He’s going to be so disappointed and it’s all your fault. Because of your own incompetence. You can’t face him right now, not during this breakdown. Even though you trust him with your whole heart, you don’t want to rely on him and bother him too much.

You feel lost, Shinsuke isn’t here, he’s still working in the rice fields as the summer days grow longer. You’re alone in your shared house as the sun is setting. You stand up abruptly, as you’re feeling like throwing up. You make your way quickly to the bathroom and empty your guts in the toilet. Your anxiety makes you sick, like literally, you can’t stand it anymore.

You cry uncontrollably as you sit on the bathroom floor. You’re all alone and it’s like your world is crumbling. All your future plans and aspirations were whipped away by a simple email.

You’re still crouched on the bathroom floor and you’re beginning to feel overwhelmed. Your breathing is uneven and you feel like you’re going to faint. You hear the front door open, crap Shinsuke is already back and you haven’t processed the news correctly. You need to regain composure very quickly.

You try to muffle your sobs as you discern the loving voice of your boyfriend from the living room.

“y/n, darling are you there ?” Shinsuke says lightly, looking for you through the house after an exhausting day.

You don’t respond and Kita starts to feel worried. Where could you be ? You didn’t tell him that you were going to be out. He tries again, with a more concerned voice “y/n, sweetheart you’re home ? Where are you ?”

You perceive the concern but most of all the exhaustion in his voice. And you can’t help but feel guilty. You are hiding from him, even though he must have a very tiring day and you don’t want to upset him even more. So, to avoid him starting to look for you, you respond in the most persuasive voice you can manage right now “In the bathroom Shin, I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Hm, okay, I’ll start making dinner then” announces Kita from the kitchen. Good, it doesn’t seem like he’s suspicious of your behavior. Giving you time to clear your mind for a bit.

You decide to snap out of it and go greet him. Enough is enough and you can’t avoid him forever. You pass some water on your face in order to freshen up a bit and soothe your red eyes. As you make your way towards the kitchen, you hear the rumbling of the oven and the sound of the knife against the cutting board. Shinsuke must be halfway through the process of preparing dinner. You enter the room and meet his back. He’s wearing his black apron and currently cutting vegetables.

You’re frozen, he seems so peaceful and unbothered. Following his routine, making dinner just after he comes back from work.

You know that as soon as you’re going to tell him your failure, his exhausting day is going to be worse.

He turns himself toward the stove and notices your presence. You see the exhaustion in his eyes and you feel tears wind up to your eyes once again. God, you're tired of this. But you can’t cry right now, you can’t break your composure in front of Shinsuke.

Your unstable state doesn’t go unnoticed by Kita.

“Love, are you feeling okay ?” Shinsuke says as he makes his way towards you, wiping his hands against his apron.

This is it, you can’t hold it anymore, his worried eyes and his sweet and loving voice make you burst out into tears. You can’t breathe and you feel strong arms encircling you in a warm and loving hug.

“y/n, what is wrong, tell me love, what happened ? I can’t help you if you’re not telling me what is wrong.” says Shinsuke in an hesitant voice, as he slowly begins to pannick. The always calm and logical man starts to feel a little overwhelmed as he sees your current distress. However, he tries to remain calm for your well being.

You speak incoherently, your cries muffled by Kita’s chest, defined by his past volleyball practice and his current work in the fields. “I’m sorry Shin, shit I’m so sorry… forgive me please, I’m a failure…” You tighten your grip on your boyfriend shirt, as your life depends on it.

“What are you saying, darling… love, y/n, what happened, you’re worrying me.” Kita tries to soothe you as his large hands draw circles on your back. “Calm down, y/n, I need you to calm down and tell me what is wrong, otherwise I won’t be able to help you.” He cups your cheeks, kisses them to prevent the tears from falling more, and leads you towards the sofa in the living room.

You rest your head in the crook of Kita’s neck. He pats your head gently and tries to appease your crying. “I’m here love, are you feeling better ?” Shinsuke asks worriedly.

“No, but I owe you an explanation” you straighten a bit to face him and you almost burst into tears once again. He looks at you with such adoration and worries that your heart aches.

He furrows his eyebrows but listens anyway. “I was rejected from the university. I’m sorry you helped me so much and still couldn’t make it, I’m not good enough, you must be so disappointed, I sor-”

“y/n, stop, calm down !” Kita stops your rambling by grasping your shoulders and raising his voice, which is uncharacteristically of him.

“Look, first of all you need to breathe, can you do that for me ?” You nod and tilt your head backward to prevent more tears from falling. Looking at the ceiling, you try to control your breath, as Shinsuke keeps caressing your back in a soothing way.

Shinsuke brushes your cheek gently and speaks again “Good,now that you’re a bit calmer, I’m so sorry that your application got rejected. I know how much you wanted to go to this school, but it’s okay. You’re enough, you’re brilliant and you’ll be able to go to another university and be excellent in it.” He pampers your face with kisses. And in between each kiss he whispers sweet reassurance to you. “You’re *kiss* more *kiss* than *kiss* enough my love *kiss*.”

You cry once again but this time because of the relief you feel from the reaction of your boyfriend. “Do you really mean it ? Are you sure ? Because I feel so lost right now Shinsuke, I don’t know what I am going to do. On the other hand, you seem perfectly sure of your future and I feel so shitty besides you. I’m sorry to bother you with this, you must be exhausted from your day.” You try to calm yourself and Kita grabs both of your hands to place kisses on your palm.

“y/n darling, no matter how far I am in my life, what matters now is you. You’re as capable as me to achieve your goals and you must be proud of yourself, just see how far you’ve come since we left highschool, hm ?” Shinsuke affirms as he plants a tender kiss on your temple.

You nod as you never felt more grateful to have him as your boyfriend. Just by the way he always supports you and cares for you no matter how much you fail, he’s always there. You love him. Just as much he loves you. Showing his love in everyday actions, in words affirmation and always touching you with so much care and love.

“I love you so much y/n, never forget that, I’m so proud of you and I’ll always be, never doubt it.” He hugs you once again, placing your face in the crook of his neck, and pats your head, waiting patiently for you to calm your cries.

Once your breathing is a little bit steadier, he kisses you and locks his eyes with yours. “Do you want to eat dinner now or would you rather lay down for a bit in our room, it’s up to you darling.”

You respond with a sore voice from all your crying “I would like to stay here with you holding me for a little longer if you don’t mind it.” Kita holds you, and as he places you on his lap to hug you better, mutters “Of course darling, we can stay there as long as you want, I’m not going anywhere.”

You kiss him gently, and sigh finally at peace with yourself. Because you know that Shinsuke will be there. He will be there with you during this difficult journey in order to accept your failures, and move on towards better opportunities, even if it seems so difficult right now.

#haikyuu #haikyuu x you #haikyu x reader #haikyu x y/n #kita shinsuke #kita haikyuu #kita timeskip #inarizaki #hurt #haikyū!!#haikyu hurt/comfort #kita x reader #kita x you #kita x y/n #kita comfort #haikyu fluff #haikyu

52 notes · View notes

luminouschaotic · 1 year

Text

give me a minute has so many good arankita angst anthems

#have i listened to i knew while writing hurt no comfort. maybe #lizzy mcalpine #haikyuu #kita shinsuke #aran ojiro #arankita #el rambles

4 notes · View notes

emmyrosee · 8 months

Text

Kita shinsuke gets confused after you start dating.

It’s not like it’s been a long time, far from it, but you felt so comfortable in his everyday life that he stops thinking too hard about your interactions.

You reach for his hand, he takes it. You shiver, he gives you his jacket. You’re hungry, he shares his snacks.

He gives you a compliment, you… hate him?

You must. There it is, in capital letters under his own blue text: OFBEOD KITAAAA I HATE YOU FRRR😭😭

His heart races as he rereads the text over and over again, unsure of what he could’ve possibly said to have you say ‘I hate you.’

Whatever it is, he needs to find a way to apologize.

The idea of upsetting you in a way he barely understands is concerning, it makes him extremely saddened, and he picks up his pace to get to practice.

He’s sure there’s someone there that can help him decipher your distress.

Leave it to the two twins, tying their shoes in sync, to be the first ones to notice his stress.

“Kita-San?” Osamu asks, brows furrowing. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” atsumu continues. “You’re late- you’re NEVER late.”

“And you look like you’re about to upchuck.”

Lovely.

“Osamu, Atsumu,” he says, breath shaky as the twins turn to look up at him. “You’re… familiar with relationships, yes?”

“Well he’s been single since birth-“

“HEY!”

“-but I’ve got a little bit of knowledge. What’s up?”

Kita gnaws on his lip before he passes the phone to the grey haired twin, showing him your sudden outburst of hatred towards him. Osamu quirks a confused brow as his eyes glaze over the text, the blonde twin quickly popping on his feet to peer over Osamu’s shoulder to read along.

Osamu flicks his eyes from his phone up to Kita, “what am I looking at?”

“She hates me,” he says, a frightened lilt in his tone. “And I don’t know what I do. I don’t know what I did,or said, or how I can fix this. And I…” he takes a breath in to calm down, “I need your help.”

Osamu stays silent for a bit, and atsumu cracks a cheesy smile, “cap… you didn’t do anything.”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t do anything- this is just… how some girls act,” osamu explains, and kita feels his cheeks warm up from the sudden crowd that’s gathered.

“Are we teaching Kita-San something now?” Suna teases, peering over Osamu’s shoulder to read the message. “Teaching him about giiiiiirls.”

And shinsuke wants to say something back, about how he knows girls and he doesn’t need to be taught anything…

But maybe he does.

Osamu takes a small breath in before passing his captain’s phone back to him, “sometimes, girls are just… uhm….”

“Aggressive?” He asks, and Akagi chuckles behind him.

“No,” Osamu hums thoughtfully. “I would probably say more… excited than guys, and it makes them kinda wanna… be… ferocious?”

“Feral?” Suna chimes in.

“Buck wild?”

“How about all of the above,” Aran says easily.

Kita quirks a brow, “so she doesn’t actually hate me?”

“No! She’s just excited that you complimented her, I think.”

“Yeah Kita-San,” Atsumu chuckles. “Girls only say they hate you when they love you; that’s like. A thing.”

“They also bite,” Akagi cuts in. “For… some reason.”

“They BITE?”

“I’ve been smacked so many times,” Aran playfully laments, and Shinsuke’s head whips towards him, only to make the ace shrug, “what? She’ll get excited to see you, or something good happens, and she just. Smacks your arms. It doesn’t always hurt.”

“What do you mean ALWAYS!” Shinsuke is suddenly extremely nervous about whether he received a girlfriend… or a pitbull.

“Or she’ll bite you,” Suna hums.

“Or says she hates you,” the twins circle back. At seeing their captains new nerves, they rise to their feet to clap him on the back.

“You’ll be fine, cap,” the blonde assures. “It’ll catch you by surprise, sure.”

“May be a little painful,” osamu snorts.

Atsumu snickers, “but you’ve liked her for a long time. And if it’s too much, you tell her to stop.” He nods before turning on his heel and mumbling a soft ‘hell knows you’re good at that,’ under his breath.

The conversation makes Shinsuke… convinced. He’s sure that there’s minimal that you can do to upset him, even if these methods of love lean far into the unconventional. He gnaws at his lip as the crowd disperses, golden eyes glazing over the contents once more.

He cracks a small smile, taking a soft breath in and letting his fingers take over typing and saying everything he could want to say in just a few words.

SENT I love you, too :)

You reply with an absolute jumble of words and praises, capitals and random emojis. He smiles before planting his phone in his bag and heading out to practice, feeling it buzz more than a few times in his pocket.

Maybe a few well intentioned bite marks wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to him.

3K notes · View notes

shibaraki · 4 months

Text

❄︎ ─ END OF YEAR REC REPORT: THE READER INSERT EDITION

hi lovelies!! as the year is coming to an end I wanted to work with my followers to compile a rec list of fics that have stuck with us as one massive thank you to all of the writers in our corner of tumblr/AO3. below you will find x reader fics from multiple different fandoms, and everything is in alphabetical order. I am grateful to all of you for the amazing work you do, and to those who participated!

extra note: I read through and tried my best to make sure everything is appropriately tagged (reader type and blushes included) but do let me know if anything needs amending—or if you are on this list and wish to be taken off it. happy reading and happy new year! (and thank you to @namodawrites for helping with the banners ily)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ─ ❄︎

fics: 100 fandoms: 23 total word count: 💀

an observer of longing by shibaraki [ONESHOT] [18K] #: afab reader - childhood best friends to lovers - romantic and sexual tension - mutual pining - casual physical affection - love confession - eventual sexual content

Could Hajime really return your feelings? Tooru certainly thinks so. And Issei, and Takahiro. Seemingly everyone that has been within twenty feet of you.

I wanna be yours by gabseyoo [ONESHOT] [5.9K] #: fem reader - recreational drug use - stoner suna rintaro - friends to lovers - shotgunning - smut - face riding - unprotected sex - sex under the influence

Your usual smoking date with your best friend takes an unexpected turn after a certain song starts playing.

in orbit by neonghxst [MULTI-CHAP] [27K] #: fem reader - slow burn - fluff - angst - enemies to friends to lovers - childhood friends - breaking up/making up

You tend to have a habit of coming and going, life sending you away at odd intervals and guiding you back into his path without warning. Akin to two planets caught in each other’s orbits, you pushed and pulled in a never-ending cycle. But if there was one thing Atsumu was certain of, it was that you would always find your way back to him (and this time, he’s determined to make you stay).

lover be good to me by suguwu [MULTI-CHAP] [30K] #: fem reader - soulmate au - slow burn - hurt/comfort - partner death (not kita shinsuke)

You meet Kita Shinsuke on a rainy summer day, with a sea of hydrangeas swirling at your feet. You know him instantly, as only a soulmate can. He seems like a good man. Like a good soulmate. But it's your wedding day.

miya atsumu and the chronic lovesick disease by fushisagi [ONESHOT] [12.6K] #: gender neutral reader - university au - fluff - friends to lovers - denial of feelings - mutual pining

The question comes to him one autumn night, surrounded by his friends and the chilly november breeze, asked by, who he assumes to be, just another nobody looking for money: what is it that you desire most, boy? the psychic asks, her saccharine smile forgotten when he looks into the crystal ball and all he ends up seeing is you. Alternatively: Miya Atsumu is not in love. what the hell? who would ever suggest something like that?

monster by satendou [SERIES: ONGOING] [13K] #: fem reader - unprotected sex - creampie - vaginal fingering - mentions of bullying - insecurities - described as blushing

You like horror movies, Tendou likes horror movies, what could go wrong?

storm chaser by amjustagirl [MULTI-CHAP] [163K] #: fem reader - post canon - domestic fluff - friends to lovers - romance - marriage - parenthood - angst

Living life with Miya Atsumu is like chasing a storm - equal parts exhilaration and danger. After all, it’s impossible to tame a storm.

the burden of being by sashimiyas [ONESHOT] [22K] #: fem reader - angst - fluff - amnesia - pro volleyball player osamu - unhealthy coping mechanisms

There was an Osamu who loved you once. Who loved Onigiri Miya so much he spent most of his waking hours there, supported loyally by the members of Hyogo Ward. A fire changes that and he and his twin brother adopt their old high school motto: we don’t need the memories. Now they’re gone and memories are all you have. So as an homage to the man you love, you reopen his restaurant back up for him.

the inbetween by oh-katsuki [ONESHOT] [25K] #: fem reader - manga spoilers - childhood friends to lovers - slow burn - angst - sexual content

You and Tendou have been best friends since before you can remember. You share everything with each other and over the years have fallen into a friendship with clear boundaries but intimate values. When you start to notice Tendou growing more distant, you begin to worry that he’s keeping more secrets than you thought.

there are reasons why a body stays in motion by gardenofnoah [ONESHOT] [4.7K] #: afab reader - strangers to lovers - fluff - eventual sexual content

You work too hard—kita knows it the second he meets you. He’s not expecting you to take him up on his offer. You don’t either, until you end up on his farm.

the blood of the witch is not ours by demxnscous [ONESHOT] [11K] #: afab reader - vampire miya osamu - strangers to friends to lovers - modern setting with a hidden supernatural world - blood and injury - eventual sexual content

The door opens. Osamu whines pitifully, a shallow breath that scarcely pulls at the lacerations along his body, blood of his own and of another creature matts his fur to his ribs, along his spine, and he lifts his head. “Oh, fuck.” From the threshold, your eyes widen, a stranger to the fox you find.

to: tokyo, love hyogo by akimind [ONESHOT] [15K] #: fem reader - described as blushing - reunions - angst - fluff - exes to lovers

Your mind wasn’t tricking you when it caught sight of this name from across the street you rarely frequent; it remains the same name even as you stand directly below now and reread that sign again. Onigiri Miya. …I’ll meet you in Hyogo. The same echo. The same memory.

roommate osamu kiss by shibaraki [DRABBLE] [0.6K] #: gender neutral reader - pre relationship - fluff - roommate miya osamu - sleepy kiss

Osamu likes to think that unlike Atsumu, he has some semblance of control over his impulses. it’s a fine art. When you softly touch his waist as you squeeze past, or dig your feet under his thigh on the couch, or lean into his side as you share the small bathroom, he can will his body still and maintain the equilibrium you’ve crafted together. But this morning he is frayed at the seams.

venus by saetyrn [ONESHOT] [15K] #: cisfem reader - mutual pining - alcohol consumption - friends to lovers - eventual sexual content - reader is inexperienced

After returning to Japan from studying abroad in California, Hajime’s found that his desire for you has only grown stronger in his year away. He hopes you feel the same, and see him as he sees you. What he doesn’t expect is for it all to go tits up when you ask him--your trusted friend--for help with losing your virginity.

wet haired kuroo by mrs-kurooo [DRABBLE] [0.8K] #: gender neutral reader - pre relationship - romantic tension

His hair lies flat, unlike the usual unruly, gravity-defying mess of black that sits on his head. It’s still a little damp, slowly drying in the warmth of your apartment, a lone droplet of water dripping from the ends and landing on his towel. It hangs in his eyes a little, more so than usual and the urge to run your fingers through it overwhelms you - it just looks so soft.

a duke's son and a baron's daughter by katsukikitten [ONESHOT] [14K] #: fem reader - victorian era au - arranged marriage - pining - slow burn - suggestive content - lord bakugo katsuki - lord todoroki shouto

The room ebbs in the low light of flickering candles, people gather in clusters like lost geese as they honk their gossip at one another causing you to sigh. It would be another long night of mental games as your cold eyes fail to warm from the eccentric sights. Silk dresses, long gloves, shimmering gems, and endless drink and food. Yet you hated how little power you had over your choice of being here or not.

a light that never comes by mighty-mighty-man [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [430K] #: fem reader - enemies to friends to lovers - reader is an ex villain - worldbuilding - polotics - drama - eventual romance

After your life is saved by a quirkless middle-schooler, you find yourself roped back into the world of Heroism you've spent years trying to escape. Your mentor convinces you to take a job at U.A. that will bring you perilously close to your former best friend, Toshinori Yagi, who you have been avoiding since you mysteriously dropped out of high school in your third year. Being a Hero never gets any easier. And high school never ends.

all the times i told you by gardenofnoah [SERIES] [8K+] #: afab reader - estbalished relationship - fluff - intimacy - hurt/comfort - eventual sexual content

A sweet little multi-parter about being so in love it makes you sick, featuring Katsuki.

a withered rose by potionpeddlerpatchy [ONESHOT] [18K] #: fem reader - mythical au - reader is a nymph - god of sleep shinsou hitoshi - sexual content - dubious consent - somnophilia - manipulation

In the center of all the strange but wonderful opulence sat a giant glass orb propped so beautifully atop of a pillar, woven so intricately like vines, of tourmaline. You couldn’t help but approach it, the alluring purple aura seemed to call out to you, reaching your delicate hand before you, nothing else crossed your mind that your desire to touch the orb's smooth surface. “You’re a bold little one, aren’t you?” Hitoshi spoke, chuckling deeply as he took in your startled form.

a world away by invie [MULTI-CHAP] [26K] #: fem reader - slow burn - timeskips - pro hero bakugo katsuki - parallel universes - dimension travel - feelings realisation - first meetings - fluff - angst - love confessions

He met you at 16 and hasn't known peace since then.

casual by ghostbeam [ONESHOT] [4K] #: fem reader - no quirk au - friends with benefits - friends to lovers - sexual content - todoroki family feels

“My mom wants to meet you.” It’s a sentence uttered as Touya pulls the T-shirt he’d discarded earlier (while he was pushing you toward your bed and sucking your tongue into his mouth) over his head. It comes as a shock, lying in your bed completely bare, still struggling to catch your breath. It shouldn’t make you feel excited in the way that it does, not when Touya has been more than clear about the nature of the relationship between the two of you. Nothing serious. No commitment.

cruise universe by bfbkg [SERIES] #: fem reader - cruise au - pro hero bakugo - developing relationship - strangers to lovers - fluff - alcohol consumption - eventual sexual content

Your cruise holiday with your friends has got some pretty views, your favourite being the grumpy pretty blonde.

deceiving the duke by andypantsx3 [MULTI-CHAP] [30K] #: fem reader - regency au - class differences - romance - identity porn - eventual sexual content

When Camie Utsushimi elopes on the eve of her society debut, scandal threatens to destroy the family’s prospects. It’s up to you, a maid, to impersonate Camie throughout the Season, long enough that her elder sister can make a match. The only trouble? Lord Shouto Todoroki is also intent on making a match—and that match, quite impossibly, appears to involve you.

fill my little world by shibaraki [ONESHOT] [20K] #: afab reader - no quirk au - single dad aizawa shouta - nanny reader - falling in love - eventual sexual content

You are employed by Aizawa Shouta to nanny for his vulnerable adoptive daughter Eri while he’s at work. As time passes you find yourself equally smitten with them both, longing for a more permanent place in their family.

heart of the ocean by secondhand_trash [TWOSHOT] [13K] #: fem reader - pirate au - inspired by princess bride - romance - pirate todoroki touya - angst with a happy ending - sexual content

You had met many sailors in your life growing up by the sea, but there was only one like him.

higher than the mountain, deeper than the sea by itoshisoup [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [50K+] #: fem reader - psychological drama - childhood friends to lovers - stockholm syndrome - hurt/comfort - noncon elements

Touya watches you stare feebly out the window, your fingers curled around those useless flowers he bought, and he finally understands why his pathetic excuse of a father could never find the words to apologize to his mother.

I'll make this feel like home by missmeinyourbones [ONESHOT] [6K] #: afab reader - angst - canon compliant - hurt/comfort - dabi centric - todoroki family reveal - sexual content

Touya was eight years old when his youngest brother was born—the same age realized that his house no longer felt like home.

incendiary by andypantsx3 [MULTI-CHAP] [30K] #: fem reader - enemies to lovers - quirkless discrimination - reader is a college student - romance- eventual sexual content

When you accidentally go viral in defense of quirkless people, an extremist group puts a target on your back. Pro hero Dynamight is the last person you want watching it.

in the dark of morning, you promise me the sun by kirketeer [MULTI-CHAP] [78K] #: fem reader - major character death - slow burn - grief and mourning - angst with a happy ending - eventual sexual content

When Denki, your long-term boyfriend, is stabbed by a villain on his way home from work, left to bleed out on the sidewalk only a mile from your apartment, you find yourself adrift. Strangely enough, it's Bakugou that helps with what comes after.

kingdom of ashes by shibaraki [TWOSHOT] [11K] #: fem reader - historical royalty au - prince todoroki touya - arranged marriage - sexual content - fluff - angst - hopeful ending

When you are suddenly uprooted from your life to enter an arranged marriage with Prince Touya you are unprepared for how greatly he defies your expectations, nor for how quickly you fall for him.

lights will guide you home by a11eya [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [22K] #: gender neutral reader - soulmate au - trope inversion/subversion - slow burn - getting together - falling in love - eventual sexual content

Soul-lights aren’t as common in this day and age as they were in the past, before quirks, but they’re common enough that people do still find their soulmates. At thirteen, you meet Bakugou Katsuki, and he lights up for you in orange and gold. You tell him he's your soulmate. He sneers and tells you that you aren't his. He makes your adolescence miserable until you part ways. You meet again as adults, late at night, in a grocery store, over a pile of bok choy. He apologizes for how he treated you when you were children. (In which you have a choice—to reject Bakugou's apology, reject him, or to let him show you the man he's become, to learn with him what it means to love and forgive.)

one for the rules by alkhale [ONESHOT] [9K] #: fem reader - actor au - soulmates and identifying marks - romance - actor kita shinsuke - implied sexual content - reader described with long hair

“(Y/n)-san,” Kita whispers, low, just for you. Your eyes flicker nervously up to meet his, heart beating so wildly in your chest you feel like you’ll explode. Any minute now. There’ll be nothing left for him but little bits of nonsense. “I know I have no right to stop you… but please, if you’d be willing to wait, just a bit…” Kita pulls both your hands together now, away from both your shared marks. He holds them in both of his and he gazes at you the entire time, a man truly from another era, from a lost era of things so hopeless romantic and earnest you feel like there’s nothing you can do in the very face of it. Kita brings your hands up and he presses a kiss to your knuckles, peering up at you, eyes like honey, voice soft and warm and everywhere around you. “Would you give me the chance to show you my worth?” Kita asks. Ah, that’s it. Your heart really can’t take anymore.

passing peonies by dira333 [MULTI-CHAP] [34K] #: fem reader - recovery - mental health issues - returning to society - healing todoroki family - reader described to have a ponytail - angst

When the war ended, Midoriya Izuku had proven one thing: That Villains did not need to be killed to be defeated. That you could make friends from enemies. Touya Todoroki, formerly known as Dabi, had been one of those taken into the rehabilitation program. After one year of intense physical and psychological therapy, he's got the chance to prove himself. To prove that he can be a part of this world.

something just like this by ofmermaidstories [MULTI-CHAP] [200K] #: fem reader - strangers to lovers - pro hero deku - manga artist reader - eventual sexual content

It probably says a lot about you that your first thought on meeting Deku, international Symbol of Peace, isn't something like "Oh, wow," or, "Oh he's so nice," but is, instead, the un-Plus Ultra thought of, "I definitely would’ve bullied him, in high school." At least until those muscles came in.

the cardinal rule by coopigeoncoo [ONESHOT] [9K] #: gender neutral reader - romantic comedy - bird puns - blood and injury

A story where Hawks learns that while humans might be awed by his flying skills, the bird population is decidedly less impressed.

the widening sky by ofmermaidstories [MULTI-CHAP] [37K] #: fem reader - merpeople au - merman bakugo katsuki - canon typical violence - grief and mourning - eventual sexual content - bittersweet ending

You don’t believe your Grandmother’s stories about mermaids — until you meet one.

triptych by narumi-gens [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [20K] #: fem reader - yandere chisaki kai - psychological abuse - angst - codependency - imprisonment - canon typical violence - sexual content

Your life is nothing more than a triptych, a work of art in three parts with each panel depicting a distinct period — a beginning, a middle, an end. And in the triptych that is your life, the central figure has always been Chisaki Kai.

when to cradle, when to pry by therealvalkyrie [ONESHOT] [1.3K] #: fem reader - established relationship - depresson and panic attacks - reader has low self esteem - hurt/comfort

As he re-learns the joys of loving you, Katsuki also learns how to help you back on your own feet when you need it. OR An "in the aftermath" look at the relationship in 'you feel love in the sodium'

11:49pm by shotorus [DRABBLE] [0.4K] #: gender neutral reader - fluff and intimacy

Gojo is larger than life, but you make him feel small.

all that is solid by grilledtandoorismoke [SERIES] [38K] #: fem reader - arranged marriage - curse user reader - described as blushing - hurt/comfort - domestic fluff - angst - canon typical violence

Coming from a family of curse users and the first person in three hundred years to have your clan's inherited technique, political machinations force you to attend Jujutsu Tech while having to agree to an arranged marriage to Gojo Satoru.

am I (25F) the asshole for fucking my boyfriend's older brother (28M) by rinhaler [ONESHOT] [10K] #: fem reader - sexual content - dom/sub dynamics - older brother ryomen sukuna - sex under the influence - cheating - daddy kink

I know it sounds bad but we got high and he's hot!!

blood and pearls by vennilavee [SERIES: ONGOING] [10K] #: fem reader - trueform sukuna - developing relationship - canon typical violence - cannibalism - eventual sexual content

A lonely water nymph washes up to the shores of an enchanted lake with dreams of the sun and the stars. Little do you know, that this enchanted lake belongs to the king of curses himself, Ryomen Sukuna.

candied hearts by mrs-kurooo [ONESHOT] [10k] #: fem reader - no curse au - hurt/comfort - fluff - third party infidelity - sexual content - body worship - size difference - pull out method

Gojo is a nuisance. What more is there to say.

cor unum by vampyrsm [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [130K] #: fem reader - trueform sukuna - slow burn - period typical sexism - body horror - cannibalism - blood and violence - eventual sexual content

A tale of how the Shogun's daughter ends up in the maw of one of the most fierce curse users to ever exist.

godmaker by firein-thesky [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [50K] #: fem reader - arranged marriage - angst - unhealthy relationships - parental abuse - canon typical violence - hurt/comfort - slow burn - eventual sexual content

And the form leans down, closer, as their voice drops to a murmur, all honey and thorns, the promise of something far greater than you. A storm to come. The future that you will bear upon the slant of your shoulders. And when they speak, you know they’ve cursed you; “I will teach you how to make a God.”

hey lonely stranger (won't you meet my eye?) by stellamancer [ONESHOT] [6.4K] #: fem reader - speed dating - unresolved romantic tension - jealous gojo satoru - allusions to canon typical violence

You attend a match-making event and who else should be there but the last person you want to see: Satoru Gojo.

how to be a dog by prettyboykatsuki [TWOSHOT] [37K] #: fem reader - yandere gojo satoru - manipulation and coercion - stalking - graphic depictions of violence - rape/non-con - forced intimacy - sexual content

"Of course you must learn to love, to love always and love entirely and to be wounded by nothing so much as the violence of your own love." - ANDREW KANE, HOW TO BE A DOG. With six eyes to see, it becomes clear. You are being watched.

intrinsic warmth by thatdesklamp [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [150K] #: fem reader - slow burn - childhood friends - mutual pining - angst - canon typical violence

You meet Satoru on 7th September, 1996. Some time later, you realise you love him.

let your hand become a blade so i may take it by seravphs [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [10K] #: princess reader - knight gojo satoru - royal au - forbidden love - period typical misogyny - childhood friends to enemies to lovers

Knights are bound by duty and honor, but Gojo is more devoted to his princess than he ever was to his oaths.

limerence by shibaraki [ONESHOT] [4K] #: gender neutral reader - friends to lovers - pining - masturbation - sexual tension

The little intimacies you shared together were a fix of Gojo's.

lucky by izvmimi [ONESHOT] [3.5K] #: fem reader - crack - plot heavy with a little porn - todo aoi's otaku behaviour

You meet someone desperate to win a competition.

men are so quick to blame the gods by awearywritersworld [SERIES] [16K+] #: fem reader - enemies to lovers - developing relationship - angst - fluff - canon typical violence - not canon compliant - jealousy

Your boyfriend is a heavy sleeper, leaving you to form an unlikely relationship with the curse occupying his body during the late hours of the night.

playing pretend by itadorey [ONESHOT] [5.4K] #: gender neutral reader - fake dating - friends to lovers - slice of life and humour

Gojo lies to Shoko in order to win a bet and you're dragged along for the ride.

🔒 polluted by heich0e [ONESHOT] [11K] #: fem reader - university au - sexual content - recreational drug use - sex under the influence - gangbang - double penetration - dubcon

"Weed doesn't make her annoying," Sukuna drawls, tossing the basketball up again, only this time away from him—you watch as it curves gracefully in the air, swishing through the little net Geto and Gojo have affixed to the back of their dorm room door. "She's always annoying." [...] Sukuna's smirk turns into something even sharper, a smile unfurling slow and wicked across his face. "Weed doesn't make her annoying--it makes her into a whore."

seat taker by coconutdays [ONESHOT] [10K] #: fem reader - university au - biker geto suguru - sexual tension - fluff - strangers to lovers - eventual sexual content

You have a crush on the smartest and sexiest guy in your lit class who happens to ride a motorcycle with spooky season around the corner. what ever might happen?

still melting? by arminsumi [ONESHOT] [1.4K] #: fem reader - best friend geto suguru - romantic and sexual tension - flirting

Practicing putting eyeliner on your best friend, while sat in his lap. He can't help but take this chance to flirt with you. Of course, a certain someone interrupts your moment right at the end

sunset by princess-okkotsu [ONESHOT] [5.6K] #: princess reader - knight zen'in maki - reader implied shorter than maki - royal au - period typical attitudes - sexual content

You’re a princess, though the last of several siblings, set to never wear the crown of your kingdom. The last to marry, you're suddenly betrothed after your father waged your hand in marriage in some game of bow and arrow. Though you and your knight, Maki, have been content with bottling up your affections for one another, this sudden betrothal has you both wishing for something you know you can't have.

they were just friends by wanderwithme [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [65K] #: fem reader - fireman fushiguro toji - slow burn - roommates - character death - eventual romance - described as blushing

It’s 4:24 p.m. and the love of your life is cheating on you.

turn me like a beast / hold you to the floor by gardenofnoah [ONESHOT] [6.5K] #: princess reader - strangers to unfortunate lovers - hunter nanami kento - the fall of a dynasty - major character death - reincarnation - bittersweet ending

The world is at its end, and an unlikely pair finds solace in each other. To love is an animal thing.

wormwood by linkcities [ONESHOT] [25K] #: fem reader - angst with a happy ending - canon compliant - childhood friends to lovers - mutual pining - codependency - new beginnings

Absence festers in the presence of little yellow wormwood flowers, and you come to learn about how it goes hand in hand with lingering bitterness when you meet Gojo Satoru. or, As the young God’s only friend, you are punctured with the burden of his companionship, regardless if you deem yourself unworthy of it.

风月 | wind, moon by itoshisoup [ONESHOT] [7.5K] #: gender neutral reader - established relationship - fluff - romance

In which you drag Dan Heng halfway across the universe for a candied fruit skewer, and he gets a taste of the life that was once denied to him.

christmas countdown by suguwu [ONESHOT] [16K] #: gender neutral reader - hallmark au - holiday fluff - age gap - romance

Your company is taking on a new project and desperately wants the backing and expertise of retired CEO Jing Yuan. Dispatched out into the countryside to bring him on board, you find it won't be as easy as you think. Jing Yuan strikes a bargain with you: spend the upcoming days with him, until Christmas Eve, and he'll tell you exactly what it will take for him to come back if you don't figure it out yourself. Let the Christmas countdown begin.

nexus by ddarker-dreams [MULTI-CHAP] [51K] #: fem reader - yandere blade - codependency - eventual sexual content - dark comedy - space politics

You belong to a specialized group — the Arbiters — who are capable of influencing others' perceptions. Your clients hail from all corners of the universe to see their wildest fantasies come true. By establishing a link with them, they can experience a dreamscape of their choosing, more convincing than the latest developments in augmented reality. You have received many unique requests throughout the years. After the Stellaron Hunter's swordsman saves you from an early demise, you offer him the chance to experience any phantasia of his choosing. It is then that you're posed with a trying challenge: "Show me what it's like to die."

scrap metal by lorelune [TWOSHOT] [5K] #: gender neutral reader - captive reader - injury - use of a muzzle - non consensual touching - yandere blade - force feeding

Per Elio's newest script, the Stellaron Hunters take in a stray.

love like no other by nanamimizz [ONESHOT] [2.6K] #: fem reader - sexual content - established relationship - open communication

Al Haitham is man solemnly thought he would never find love, so when he has that and more the night turns...physical.

you didn't teach me how to forget you by haitaniapologist [TWOSHOT] [15K] #: ragnvindr fem reader - described as blushing - fluff - lovesick childe - possessiveness

You never thought you would find the boy who haunted your childhood in a trip to Liyue.

arranged marriages and well-kept secrets by dearayato [ONESHOT] [1.7K] #: gender neutral reader - established relationship - talk of marriage - proposals

Ayato props himself on his elbows, a smug smile adorning his face, “Don’t worry love, the only person I see in my future is you.”

for you are the world by lorelune [MULTI-CHAP] [29K] #: fem reader - childhood friends to lovers - post trauma - fluff - hurt/comfort - chronic injuries - sexual content - protective diluc

You return to Mondstadt after many years away, sick, with an feeling that's all-too familiar and unwelcome.

bury me by deskaisers [ONESHOT] [8.8K] #: fem reader - described as blushing - stepcest - step brother oliver aiku - virginity - corruption kink - unprotected sex

Your father's new relationship was rather unexpected, but there was no way in hell you could have predicted everything else that came with it.

everything's better when you're honest by prettyboykatsuki [ONESHOT] [11K] #: fem reader - friends to lovers - professional athlete isagi yoichi - reader is sexually experienced - sexual content

you notice early on that isagi is always holding back something. the deeper into your relationship you go, the more you wish he'd let loose.

to my first love by by-moonflower [TWOSHOT][17.3K] #: fem reader - high school au to married au - non-linear narrative - exploring girlhood - fluff - angst - romance - suggestive - described as blushing

When you agreed to date itoshi sae in mid-October of 1993, you never imagined he'd be your first love—whose presence would continue to linger in your life, hauntingly, even if a year, two, or ten came to pass.

finding peace in the spontaneous wild (that is you) by tired-biscuit [ONESHOT] [26K] #: fem reader - university au - modern supernatural elements - friends to lovers - werewolf kiba - mutual pining - eventual sexual content

You run into Kiba at the grocery store, around two weeks after returning home from college.

🔒 tacenda by namodawrites [MULTI-CHAP] [100K] #: gender neutral reader - mutual pining - slow burn - childhood friends to lovers - canon typical violence - rivalry

Somewhere along the way trying to prove Neji wrong about fate and destiny, you fall in love.

den of wolves by kuramakakashi [MULTICHAP] [37K] #: senju reader - descriptions of gore - uchiha centric - canon typical violence - worldbuilding

Peace in our time – it was the dream your cousin had championed since childhood, and it was the foundation for all of his efforts to bring the constant warring between clans to a permanent end. And it was why he sent you into the den of wolves with only one order: Save Izuna Uchiha.

🔒 birds of a feather by namodawrites [ONESHOT] [18K] #: gender neutral reader - touchstarved - possessive behaviour - comfort/angst - canon typical violence

Knives rediscovers his humanity while recovering. You fight hard not to lose yours.

bittersweet by heich0e [ONESHOT [6K] #: afab reader - domestic fluff - sharing a bed - gentle sex - sweet soggy vash

Something shuffles in the dark. Papa left you a gun, too. Even taught you how to shoot it. Mama hated that. She hated how good you were at it even more. She used to say that shooting was gonna be your husband’s job someday, and that even in a world this wicked Papa was teaching you things you didn’t need to know. But now Mama’s gone. And Papa’s gone. And the world is still wicked. And you’ve got no husband, but you have a gun you know how to shoot.

and I know it’s hard enough to love me (but I woke up in a safe house) by seoafin [ONESHOT] [4K] #: fem reader - sharing a bed - tending to wounds - fluff - blood and injury

“My husband and I would like a room. We’re on our honeymoon”. “In this shithole of a town?” The innkeeper asks with a raised eyebrow, looking from you to Vash, who only lets out a sheepish chuckle as he scratches the back of his head. Despite his sluggish breaths, his slow blinking gaze, and the red slowly staining his shirt.

solar lunacy by bamsara [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [225K] #: gender neutral reader - slow burn - fluff and angst - developing relationships - blood and injury - posessive behaviour

You weren’t a technician, you weren’t a security guard, you weren’t a daycare assistant. You’re just an employee. Staff. The ‘jack-of-all-trades’ employee with mediocre at best skills and specialty in none, tasked with doing miscellaneous jobs that robots couldn’t do and human staff couldn’t care to. The job is unpredictable, but it pays good and it’s relatively easy. Except for the part where all the animatronics are more sentient than you thought, and you’re roped into a mystery surrounding the Daycare Attendants, who are bit too curious about you for your liking. You don’t think this was in your employee contact.

cryptid sightings by naffeclipse [MULTICHAP] [250K] #: gender neutral reader - cryptid au - reader is a cryptid hunter - horror - blood and violence - sleep terrors - non-sexual intimacy - posessive behaviour

Perhaps this would scare a person, being all alone in the woods in the dark, but not you. You’re too intertwined with the paranormal and inexplicable. It’s in your blood. That doesn’t mean your heart won’t pound with terror when you face something with fangs and hungry eyes for flesh, but you don’t run away, and that’s what matters most. You will face the monsters.

celestial sundown by pillowspace [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [80K] #: gender neutral reader - god au - historical fantasy - slow burn - blood and injury - developing relationships - dimension travel

You are a peasant living in the middle of the woods, Sun is the god of day you brought back home with you, and Moon is the god of night tucked away in the Celestial Realm.

method acting by seeingivy [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [168K] #: fem reader - celebrity au - actor eren jaeger - enemies to friends to lovers - slow burn - miscommunication - eventual fluff - social media elements

Method acting is a very powerful skill. Using your own personal, physical, and emotional self and pouring it into the character on the screen makes for a powerful performance. Except when it's you and Eren - you're not sure where the acting starts, and real life begins.

public relations by crybaby-ink [ONESHOT] [12K] #: afab reader - office romance - boss/employee relationship - power dynamics - drama - politics - sexual content

Even though Zeke has had a little crush on you for a while now, he’s mostly okay with things in the office staying exactly the way they are. Mostly.

vestal virgin by bokutosdove [ONESHOT] [6K] #: fem reader - modern au - sexual content - loss of virginity - jean kirstein has a corruption kink - protected sex - implied dom/sub dynamic

A virgin consecrated and vowed to chastity; a chaste woman.

wild card by wellitcouldbeworse3 [MULTI-CHAP] [215K] #: fem reader - hunger games au - tribute levi ackerman - blood and violence - slow burn - psychological torture - character death - reader is proficient at archery - described as blushing

When you're selected to be the tribute representing District 12 in the 121st annual Hunger Games, you're pretty sure you're screwed. But, somehow, there's two things working in your favor. One: you're not half bad with a bow and arrow. Two: the male tribute from District 2 seems to have his eye on you...

❄︎ DEMON SLAYER

something blue by extrav1rgin [ONESHOT] [11K] #: fem reader - described as blushing - arranged marriage - angst with a happy ending - hurt/comfort - not canon compliant

Turning away you trace your way back through the route Giyuu had taken you down before. As you walk nearly silently you keep your ears out for the sound of another human. You find a note stuck to the door when you make your way toward it. If it was there before you must’ve missed it. ‘Gone on a mission, will be back.’ And you suppose that’s that.

❄︎ HELL'S PARADISE

safe for one more night with you by nagumoan [ONESHOT] [3.3K] #: fem reader - established relationship - domestic fluff - humour - sexual content

You get to share one last night with your husband Shion before his work will steal him from the warmth of your embrace with the first rays of the sun in the morning.

❄︎ BUNGO STRAY DOGS

pharos by auraxins [ONESHOT] [14K] #: afab reader - mer au - eldritch mer chuuya - strangers to lovers - island survival - blood and injury - eventual sexual content - unprotected sex

“Who are you?” you call. “What business have you here?” “You don't know?” barks the man, incredulousness in his tone. “You summoned me here.” “I fixed the lighthouse,” you correct. “I did not summon anything.”

❄︎ TOKYO REVENGERS

from his mind to hers by embossross [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [102K] #: fem reader - dark content - patient x doctor relationship - sexual content - stalking - cheating

Forced into therapy, Hanma expects to waste his time and yours, but you’re not about to let the chance of a high-profile and higher paying patient slip through your grasp. The fact that you’re both attracted to each other doesn’t hurt either.

❄︎ ONE PIECE

breathe me in by standfucker [ONESHOT] [7.4K] #: fem reader - inappropriate use of devil fruit powers - described as blushing - rough unprotected sex - creampie and breeding

As a woman in the Marines, the path to Read Admiral has been rough, but Smoker's been there for you since the beginning.

❄︎ BALDUR'S GATE

through the gates of horn and oak by sensoo [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [116K] #: fem reader - graphic depictions of violence - sexual content - fluff - F/M/M threesomes - spoilers marked by chapter

Each of them needs something different, but under the surface it's really the same thing. The burden of leadership is isolating and it is so difficult to carry on alone. Zevlor is trying to navigate through the shattered pieces of his life. Halsin is haunted by regrets and the tasks left unfinished. And you can't stop meddling in everyone else's affairs, even as you swear up and down that you're just trying to survive. Living is more than survival, but both are getting increasingly more difficult.

the five senses by nanamimizz [SERIES] [9K] #: fem cleric reader - non-sexual intimacy - angst - hurt/comfort - developing relationship - exploring trauma

A five part mini-series with everyone's favorite high elf vampire focusing on non-sexual intimacy and the budding relationship you foster with the guarded rouge.

❄︎ TWISTED WONDERLAND

uniform by giratinazero [ONESHOT] [2.4K] #: fem reader - non-sexual intimacy - undressing

With one gloved hand he reached up, threading his delicate fingers through a loop in the heart-shaped collar to drag you down to his height. Riddle slowly, purposely ran his eyes up and down the length of your body— you could feel the frustration that simmered just under the surface, like a teapot left on the heat and about to burst with steam.

❄︎ MORTAL KOMBAT

inescapable by dynamites [ONESHOT] [7K] #: gender neutral reader - light angst - crossing timelines - pining

From half across the somber battlefield, someone keeps glancing your way.

❄︎ BLEACH

cherry coloured funk by grinmjows [ONESHOT] [8.7K] #: fem reader - described to have dark hair and pale skin - explicit incest - sexual content

You usually find the moonlit nights strangely empty, for when you call your brother's name through them, he never answers.

desperate measures by ghost-party [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [27K] #: fem reader - modern au - transactional relationship - sugar daddy - age difference - dom/sub dynamic - sexual content - violence

After you’ve been laid off from your job, your friend Rangiku recommends a very specific kind of dating app — one where rich, lonely men seek younger partners to spoil. Reluctantly, you decide to give it a try. You tell yourself it’s a one-time thing, and that you have no plans on becoming dependent on anyone, let alone falling for them. But Sosuke Aizen makes you rethink everything…

❄︎ IDOLISH 7

in the eyes of the tide by namodawrites [ONESHOT] [15K] #: gender neutral reader - merman au - secret identity - angst - hurt/comfort

Oogami Banri is a calm, unassuming man. His first and second impressions of you had been undignified to say the least: encountering you passed out on a bench outside of a little shop, sheltered beneath its slanted tiled awning; assisting you to escape a cave during high tide, too afraid of the strange shapes you’d seen in the water to make the short journey alone.

❄︎ GOD OF WAR

and touched with the wonder of mortal beauty, her face by vampireloverz [ONESHOT] [8.8K] #: fem reader - pre-canon - size difference - sexual content - unprotected sex - canon-typical violence - described with body hair - reader is lifted by character

You hum to yourself, curious about what business he has in the woods, maybe it has something to do with whatever mysterious thing he has wrapped in foreign fabric. Through the days, you find yourself thinking of him. This warrior, this man, so elusive he feels almost like a ghost. You find yourself earnestly looking forward to the next time you come across each other.

❄︎ DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS

kinktober: monsterfucking by mintmatcha [TWOSHOT][5K] #: cisfem reader - original character romance - racism in a fantasy setting - sexual content - monsterfucking

After months of adventuring with your party, you can't help but be curious about a certain dragonborne...

❄︎ THE HUNGER GAMES

the death of an actor by uzurimisery [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [36K] #: fem reader - fake dating - misogyny - reader is dr. gaul's daughter - sexual content - unhealthy dynamics

Y/N Gaul the Capitol's unregulated daughter of Dr. Gaul. Argumentative, independent, and hindrance to Coriolanus Snow's life plans.He can't stand you, you’re impossible for him to read. When your mother concocts a hairbrained plan to better set up her protege you’re caught in the crossfire and forced to play the part of Snow’s lover. Now if only the lines of what's an act and what was real wouldn’t get so blurry.

❄︎ DC UNIVERSE

callipygian by onesmartcookie78, pennydragons [MULTI-CHAP: ONGONG] [70K] #: original female character - described as blushing - canon typical violence - enemies to friends to lovers - secret identity - batfamily drama

"She knows that ass. In fact, she'd spent the whole day staring at pictures of it. So she is absolutely, 100% certain that ass belongs to Dick Grayson. Now, if Dick Grayson wants to run across the rooftops dressed in spandex, that's his prerogative. The problem is, he's not just Dick Grayson. No. Dick Grayson is Nightwing. And she has questions." She hadn't been trying to figure out who he was. In fact, she was trying to uncover the identity of the Red Hood. But now that she knows, she can't go back.

let me just add there are an infinite amount of other amazing fics that will not have made this rec list purely due to the time constraints, submission limit and lack of reach, etc. your fic is valuable and loved whether it made the cut or not—please do remember that!!!!!!

#m.navi #hq x reader #bnha x reader #jjk x reader #hsr x reader #bllk x reader #trigun x reader #x reader fic #x reader fic rec #fic

1K notes · View notes

loveephia · 1 year

Text

suna rintarō being in love with his close friend who's the complete opposite of him.

a girl who's cheerful and oh, so full of love; always willing to give without expecting to receive in return. a smile from you was very much contagious, as it has proven to work on not only the miya twins, but on kita shinsuke, too.

when suna first met you, he thought that you were naïve, and from his astute observations, he turned out to be right.

but the minute he saw your weary eyes and tear-stained cheeks trying to pick up the shattered pieces of your own heart, suna wanted nothing more than to protect you from all of the harm in the world.

he even considered doing something about the boy who pushed you around, but suna knows that you wouldn't want him to meddle in personal affairs, even if it was for your sake.

so he opts to comfort you in his long arms instead.

"i'll never let another boy hurt you ever again." suna vowed a promise as he held your crying figure close.

2K notes · View notes

rishiguro · 6 months

Text

ANAGAPESIS - K. SHINSUKE

warnings: break up. heartbreak. self-deprecating thoughts. hurt/no comfort. 3.2k words.

angstober event

kita sighed as he closed the door behind him, the day’s fatigue springing onto him as soon as he took his shoes off, neatly placing them away and putting his slippers on.

it wasn’t particularly often that he had bad days, but he couldn’t exactly hide from them forever.

sure, he had a job he loved, putting all of his passion in it, but nothing really seemed to go right today. he found security and sense in his routines and yet somehow everything was misplaced or even missing today, throwing off his entire schedule.

but he was so glad to be home.

he couldn’t wait to fall into your arms and feel the weight on his shoulders disappear, letting himself be comforted by your warmth.

usually he’d come home and be greeted by you. you’d have some dinner together, either some leftovers or something one of you made (sometimes you prepared dinner together), and calmly let the day pass.

your shared apartment was more that just a few walls and furniture — it was his home, his safe place.

however, today he found you sitting in the living room, dressed in some jeans instead of the usual sweatpants. he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“hey, love,” he greeted you with a warm smile, stepping closer to you, “you going out?”

oddly enough, you didn’t greet him cheerfully like you often did, instead only throwing a weak smile in his direction before looking down to your hands. “can we talk?” you immediately asked him with an almost timid voice.

“sure” kita sat down beside you, his entire body aching as he did so. he could only barely stop himself from letting out a relieved moan as he finally sat down again. grabbing your hand, he turned his entire attention to you. you were fidgeting, toes wiggling on the floor, as if you were anxious. “is everything okay? you seem distressed”

you took a deep breath before absentmindedly chewing on your thumb’s nail. as soon as you noticed however, you immediately brought your hand down, clenching it in your lap. your actions however only confirmed kita’s suspicion. you chewed on your lower lip for a moment before you decided to speak up. “it’s not. i- i need to tell you something,” you felt your heart race in your chest as you spoke, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. you quickly glanced over to kita, noticing the deep frown on his face and his tired, sunken eyes.

it was obvious that he had a hard day and here you were, only making it worse. could you really do that to him?

for a second you paused, before mentally shaking your head. no. you didn’t really have a choice, did you? you couldn’t just continue lying to him.

he deserved better.

“and i feel terrible for bringing it up now, but i don’t think this can wait any longer”

kita nodded slowly, rubbing a thumb over the back of your hand slowly. “okay”

he patiently waited for you to begin, yet your mouth went completely dry.

just how were you going to say this to him? could you even do it?

you knew you had to – you didn’t have a choice.

but how could you hurt someone who never did anything to hurt you?

“hey, take a deep breath,” he mumbled to you, “whatever it is, it’ll be alright, i promise”

you clenched your jaw, turning your head away from him and squeezing your eyes shut.

just why did he have to be so damn understanding? why did he have to be so loving and caring?

why was he everything you ever wanted in somebody?

and why were you planning on breaking him?

“love? talk to me,” he spoke softly, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze after bringing it up to his lips and pressing a small kiss on it. “whatever it is, together we can work this out”

don’t do this. don’t be like this. just this one time.

you quickly shook your head, still not looking at him, when you felt your eyes getting teary.

“i don’t think we can work this out, shin,” you whispered, afraid that if you spoke any louder, your voice would break.

before he could even reply, you turned to him, looking at him with teary eyes. “i think we should break up”

kita could only look at you, completely shocked.

was this supposed to be a joke?

no, you would never joke about things like that.

then why?

after way too many moments of silence, kita could still only bring himself to mutter one word. “why?”

you hated to see him like this. his eyes were wide in horror, if not even shock, as he looked at you completely confused. his hand, the same one that held yours so securely just a few minutes ago, was loose around yours, like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be touching you. his eyes, albeit wide open, looked more like he was staring right through you, not focusing on a single thing.

you hated this look on his face.

meanwhile kita felt like he couldn’t breathe, his thoughts running wild, filling his head with way too many concerns at once, before he managed to sort them, the next words spilling over his lips.

“did i do something wrong? did i hurt you?”

he looked so sad, so full of sorrow and guilt.

he couldn’t do anything to hurt you.

pressing his lips into a thin line he looked at your still intertwined hands, giving you a short, weak squeeze. he swallowed down a lump in his throat, looking down in shame before meeting your gaze again. “love, i’m so sorry”

how could he be sorry for something he never did?

“just tell me what it is and i promise i’ll do everything i can to fix it” he sounded so sure, like it was a fact that he was the one that did something wrong, that he had to make up for something, that he was the one at fault.

you were used to kita speaking with a matter-of-factly-tone, no matter what the actual subject matter was. but how could he be so convinced that he did something wrong? he— the one that always thought about the things he did, the one that always thought about what he said, the one that was always sure of what he did and always made sure to care for you, to love you.

and to never hurt you. and he never did.

but you had to hurt him.

you looked down on your intertwined hands, torn between the urge to give his hand a squeeze or pulling yours away. but could you really let him go? “no, shin, listen-,” you tried, only to have him jump in immediately, like he didn’t really hear you in the first place.

“and if you still want to do this, i’ll respect it, i promise. just please, let me do this,” he asked, no, begged, with a sad smile on his face.

it was safe to say that kita felt like you had just pulled the rug away under his feet. he felt lost, confused and most of all guilty. he had always tried to be the best version of himself for you, be the best partner he could possibly be— and even more than that.

did he slack off recently? did he forget an important date? did he neglect you?

“shin”

mentally he ran through the past days, weeks, months, the whole last years, analyzing pretty much everything he could remember. every time you fought, every dumb argument and heated discussion, every time his tone was a little off, every time he didn’t really understand just what you wanted from him and every small thing he might have forgotten. the days he forgot to ask you how your day was, the times he could only give you a short kiss before rushing out the door, the number of times he came home and simply wanted to go to bed, not having the energy to spend a lot of time with you after an excruciatingly hard day working.

was it all too much for you?

he rushed out the door one too many times, his tone was too sharp one too many times, he forgot to kiss you properly one too many times.

he couldn’t really blame you.

but was it really that? was it all of that? was it something else?

were you going to leave him hanging like this?

pressing his lips to a thin line, he forced himself to focus back to you. “at least tell me what i did wrong, please,” kita asked before lowering his head again, taking a deep breath to distract himself from his racing heart, blinking rapidly to get rid of the few stray tears in his eyes. “don’t just leave me like this”

you closed your eyes in shame, not wanting to look at kita so broken.

while he kept asking himself what he had done to you and why you never felt safe enough to talk to him about this, you asked yourself how you could do this to him.

a sad smile on your lips, you shook your head, still not daring to take your hand away from his, desperate to feel his warmth for as long as he would allow you to. “you didn’t do anything wrong, shin,” you whispered through the lump in your throat, your voice all hoarse, “nothing”

nothing?

his head shot up, looking at you with wide and teary eyes. “then why?”

and despite that he looked so calm and even resigned, like he wasn’t even going to protest as soon as you provided him with your reason.

now it was you who looked away, biting your lip as you stared on the floor. “i just,” you stopped, not even wanting to actually say it out loud and make it real. you didn’t want to believe it, much less say it. you still hoped that this was just a weird, long dream, one that you would wake up from and everything would be the way it was before.

you would wake up next to him and he would already be awake, greeting you with his deep morning voice, with a small and loving smile. you would simply mumble some greeting, still half asleep, and move over, putting your head on his chest. his hands would find their way on your back and your heart would skip a beat, your entire body filling with love.

but you haven’t woken up for multiple weeks by now. and you didn’t wake up now.

“i just fell out of love with you”

just like that, kita felt his heart stop in his chest, shattering into a million pieces.

you fell out of love with him.

he nodded slowly, spacing out.

so there was nothing he could do anymore, huh?

did he do too little for you? did he get too used to having you by his side? should he have been more attentive, take you out more, give you more flowers, more compliments and little gifts. he should’ve held you more, kissed you more, loved you more.

he should’ve been more.

maybe then you wouldn’t have fallen out of love with him.

“for how long have you been feeling like this?” he asked slowly, sounding almost shy, like he didn’t want to actually know.

and he truly didn’t.

for how long had he made you feel like this, for long did you feel like you had to stay in a relationship you didn’t want to be in solely because of him?

“i don’t know. for too long”

you knew exactly what thoughts were running in his head. you knew how he must be blaming himself, how he was trying to find any kind of fault in himself.

and there was nothing you could to to relieve him from this, even though none of this was his fault.

you doubted there was anybody at fault — and if there was, you were sure that it would be you.

you were the one that was breaking up with him, you were the one breaking his heart, you were the one that wasn’t perfect, unlike him.

he was always perfect. and that’s what hurt you so much.

he was the ideal partner — he was caring, loving, attentive. honest, loyal, open and always communicating. he was firm, but not strict or mean, never making you feel belittled. and if he did fuck up and do something wrong, he was quick to realize his mistake and apologize, willing to do everything to make up for it and change his behavior.

he was everything anybody could ever want.

and you were throwing him away just like so.

“okay,“ he whispered, nodding to himself before pulling his hand away, clasping his other one with it and putting them in his lap, taking his warmth away from you.

your fingers itched to reach out to him again, try to comfort him, protect him from the same pain that you inflicted on him. you clenched your jaw, clenching your hands into fists instead and digging your nails into your palm. “shinsuke, i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry”

“it’s okay,“ he breathed out, the corners of his mouth reflexively turning up for a second.

you shook your head, swallowing repeatedly. how was this okay or fair? and how could he even thing about comforting you when he was feeling like you were effectively ripping his heart out? “no”

“it is,” he replied immediately, a sad smile on his lips as he looked at you for a short moment. “you can’t choose how you feel, can you?”

you knew he was right — and yet that didn’t give you any comfort. instead, it only made your chest constrict in pain as you clenched your fist even more, feeling tears welling up in your eyes.

“i never wanted to hurt you,“ you breathed out, voice so weak that you felt like you couldn’t speak up without starting to cry.

why were you the one crying?

“i know” kita smiled sadly at you, looking down at his feet.

silence settled over the two of you, both of you occupied with your thoughts, before you decided to speak again.

“i packed a few things and i’ll stay over at a friend’s house,” you started slowly, getting up from the couch and stepping away from him. “and, uh, look for a place”

kita didn’t look up at you (probably for the better, you didn’t think you could handle his teary face), instead only nodding slightly, playing with the fingers in his lap. “okay”

you left him sitting there, rushing into your once shared bedroom to pack some essentials into a bag.

as you grabbed some clothes, you tried to ignore your blurring vision and the heavy feeling in your chest.

you didn’t want to leave him behind like that as you were gathering your things to leave what has been your shared home for so long.

and yet you had to, you knew it was the best thing to do.

because staying with him would hurt him even more.

when you returned, kita was still sitting in the same spot, looking like he hadn’t moved an inch.

and truly, he didn’t — he felt paralyzed.

was he not good enough? where did he go wrong?

what could he have done to make you fall out of love with him?

he dug his teeth into his bottom lip, clenching his eyes shut, like that would stop the tears from welling up in his eyes.

you shook your head at the sight.

how he could just sit there and let you break his heart, just like that?

“why aren’t you mad at me? you should be yelling at me, cursing at me, anything!” you bursted out, your bag falling on the floor next to you. kita jumped as he heard your voice, turning his head to look at you. he expected you to look angry, irritated, anything but seeing you with tears running over your cheeks. “why are you just letting me break your heart?”

he swallowed thickly before giving you another comforting smile, like the tears on his face weren’t even there.

“it’s not your fault. you can’t choose who you love” he let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head slightly at his words. “and also not who you fall out of love with”

you looked over at him, looking him up and down before speaking again, your voice slightly agitated. “so? how can you just take it like that?” you asked, gesturing in the air.

how could he just sit there and do nothing?

“nothing i’ll say will change this, won’t it?” he simply stated, sounding resigned. he looked over at you, noticing how you stayed silent, proving his point. “that’s why”

contrary to how that might look, kita wanted nothing more than to fight this. he didn’t want to let you or this relationship go.

he didn’t want to let go of the lazy mornings or late evenings, the trips to the farmers market or the dates at bakeries or cafés, the warm cuddles or cooking dates.

but did he really have a choice?

“i don’t want this, i still love you. i can’t look at you leave, knowing that there’s nothing i can do,” he confessed, twiddling his thumbs as he spoke. “but i will respect your choice and i will not fight to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me anymore”

a pained, but warm smile appeared on his face again when he noticed the tears rolling over your cheeks. “it’s okay. i’m not going to yell at you and i’m not going to call you names or hurt you in any way for something you can’t control”

you swallowed, grabbing your own thigh and digging your nails into the fabric of your pants. you couldn’t even look at him.

you were such a coward.

“why do you have to be so understanding, even in this moment?”

he sighed softly. “you know why,” he whispered, feeling the tears in his how eyes again, “i cannot bring myself to be mad at you and i don’t think i’m able to give you what you want right now. i’m sorry”

he was too good for you. and you were everything he wanted.

“don’t be” you shook your head, trying to blink away the tears as you wiped over your cheeks. “it was dumb to even try to bring you to yell at me. even dumber to ask you to do this to make this easier on me” you let out a breathy laugh, shaking your head at yourself. “especially since i’m the one breaking up with you”

you scoffed at yourself before picking up your bag and finally walking towards the door, opening it with shaky hands.

and even though you had thought about this for weeks, way longer than you’d ever like to admit, you weren’t ready for a life without him.

“i’m sorry, shinsuke,” you croaked, still standing in the doorway with your back to him, “i really am”

“i know“ was all you heard before shutting the door behind you and walking away from your home, your relationship, him.

kita always strived for perfection and nothing less of perfection, not just finding comfort in it, but also believing that everybody deserved nothing but the best of him. and that belief has never failed him.

until now.

until he failed you.

reblog and comment to support your fanfic writers

246 notes · View notes

doingitforbokuto · 3 months

Text

The White Knight - Chapter Seven

-> KNIGHT!KITA SHINSUKE X PRINCESS!READER

-> Previous Chapter

-> Series Masterlist

Summary: Worrying about your friend was taking a toll on you. What happened to her? How badly did she get injured? Would she survive? Or was she dead already?

Words: 3,017

Warnings: talks of death/sickness (brief), parental death, depression

Kita's Point Of View

Another groan left your throat as you tried to find a comfortable position on the bed. The wet cloth on your forehead slipped down a bit as you turned to your side, facing Kita. Not long ago, Clara had changed the cloth that she placed over your eyes and forehead to ease the headache that had developed, but you apparently did not feel the promised effect. Frustrated, you ripped it off of your face.

With a grim expression, you looked over at Kita. Right beside your bed, he had placed a chair and taken a seat to make sure you were actually resting. Right after he had told you that Garret had attacked your best friend, he had had to carry you back to your bed. Everything had just become too much for your already exhausted body and mind to bear. Kita and Clara had hoped that you would find some rest, but the moment that you had come back to your senses, you had tried to go and see your friend. Your legs were shaking and your forehead was damp with cold sweat, but you were still determined to go and see her. Only, they had orders not to let you go.

It hurt Kita to see you in such a state and perhaps he would have even let you go against his orders if he knew that Alysane was alive and out of danger. But he didn't know. He didn't know what exactly had happened to her, he didn't know if she was going to make it out alive. The mere thought made his heart sink. What if she was really going to die? The nice Lady that always smiled at him when they passed each other in the hallway, the one that always asked you if you were alright whenever she saw you, the one that threw stray dogs a bite of her food when she saw one. Kita didn't know her well, but it was obvious that she was a kind woman who did not deserve to die at the hands of a man like Garret. If the thought of her dying made him feel this bad, what was it doing to you? And what was it doing to Osric?

So, as long as there were no news about what the situation was, he could not let you go. It would be hard enough if your friend were to pass away, you did not need to burst into her room and see her dead body. That was why every time you tried to get up and out of bed, he gently caught a hold of your shoulders and pushed you back down, even if he knew that it was not what you thought was the best for you. But sometimes you don’t know what is best for you. Maybe Kita did not know what was best for you either, but he was there to protect you from any harm and he would stay true to his oath of keeping you safe. Even if it made you angry.

And it did. For the very first time, you were actually angry with your knight, glading daggers at him any chance you got.

“She will be fine, princess.” His voice was low and gentle. He hoped that it would be true. It had to be.

The information he had received on what had happened to Alysane was very sparse: Garret had tried to escape the castle and as he did, he stole a dagger somehow. And when he - unfortunately - ran into Alysane, he attacked her. He had been angry with her when he had spoken to you and apparently, he had seen an opportunity to release that anger. But the extent of her injuries and whether she would make it or not was still something he did not know anything about.

“You don’t know if she’ll be alright. Stop lying to me.” You sighed. “I don't know what to do, Kita.” You squeezed your eyes shut. “I want this all to be over.. please.”

His heart squeezed in his chest, it hurt to hear you talk like this. You were supposed to be happy. If there was anyone in this whole world who deserved happiness, it had to be you. And he was supposed to make sure that you were. Why was he such a failure? “It will get better.” It had to be. Just like Alysane had to live, you had to be happy. That was just the way things were supposed to be. And if the universe would not let that happen, there had to be no order or justice anywhere left in the world.

“Nothing will get better, Kita. Nothing will ever get better. Everything went down the drain after mother's death.”

Your mother had not been dead for long, less than ten years now. Still, that was a long time to be sad. Though, he knew that feeling.

“I lost my parents, too.” Kita's confession made you look up and he greeted you with a smile. A soft, sad smile that he hoped would help calm you down. “It happened a long time ago, when I was very small. My grandmother raised me after that.”

“I am so sorry.” You moved your hand from under the covers and reached for him.

“It's alright.” His hand met yours. “I am alright now. But I know what it is like to think that nothing will ever be good again. When my parents died, I was so young, I couldn't even understand what was happening. But the longer I stayed with my grandmother, the longer I waited for my parents to come back again, the lonelier I felt. When I finally realized that they were never coming back, I thought I would never be happy again.” He looked down at your joined hands, sadness evident on his face. “It was a cruel thing to think, I know. My grandmother was there for me day and night, making sure I was well-fed and safe, and I still felt alone. I still could not find happiness in her love. But that was just the way I felt, I could not change it, no matter how much I wanted to be happy. It took me a long time to start seeing the good things in my life again. But when I started, I couldn't stop. I saw children playing outside. I saw my grandmother cooking our dinner. I saw our neighbor helping my grandmother with her garden.” His eyes locked onto yours. “I saw good things everywhere. And you will, too. It feels horrible to be alone. It is horrible, but it is not forever. Things will get better. You will get better.” He looked at you intently for a moment, carefully considering his next words. His hand squeezed yours gently as he proceeded to speak. “You will be loved.. and happy. If I have any say in it.”

There was no room for any doubts. You would be loved. You would be happy. He knew you would be because it was true. It had to be true. If it wasn't true that a woman so good like you would find love and happiness , there was nothing good left in this world.

You looked up at him with glossy eyes, an unidentifiable emotion in them. Your hand gripped his a little tighter, pulling him closer to you. You opened your mouth, took a deep breath and said - nothing.

Just when you were about to say whatever it was you were going to say, there was a knock on the door.

“Princess?” a guard called through the wood. “I have news about the Lady Alysane.”

Immediately, your hand pulled itself out of his in order to push your upper body up, trying to get yourself into a sitting position.

“Come in!” You shouted.

—

Your Point Of View

Clara had tried to stop you from leaving but without Kita's help, she could not contain your sheer will and determination to finally, finally see your friend again.

Since the guard had announced that your friend was not dead or about to die and that her injury had been treated, it seemed that Kita was no longer opposed to you seeing her. He probably knew how much you wanted to see her. Of course he knew. As much as he held back his own emotions, as composed as he was all the time, it was obvious just how compassionate he was, how much he cared. How did you get so lucky to be able to choose him as your knight? He was a gift sent from heaven just for you. He had to be.

You reached the door to Alysane's door quite quickly, even though you weren't supposed to overexert yourself. You tried to calm your breathing so that Kita would not realize how exhausted you already were. Though he did not say anything, you were sure that he noticed anyway. But that did not matter. What mattered was that the only thing standing in between you and your friend was a door and a guard with a worried look on his face. What did he want now? Couldn't people just let you through to your friend?!!

“Move.”

Usually, you did not speak to guards or maids in such a harsh manner, but your patience was truly about to become nonexistent. If he would not move and let you through that goddammit door, you would - well you didn't know what you would do. Maybe ask Kita to punch him. You'd hope that your personal knight knew how to knock people out good.

“Yes, princess.” The guard bowed slightly and looked back up at you with the same worried expression. “Just.. keep in mind that she needs rest. And that the wound that she was dealt is quite-”

“Yes, I get it!” You were about to truly yell at this man. And you knew that no man likes it when a woman makes a scene. Especially when that woman is the princess. If you had to be composed all the time and keep all your emotions to yourself, you might as well use these annoying rules in your favor once in a while. Threatening to make a scene, it was an easy way to get what you wanted - and let off some steam.

Quickly, the man moved to the side and allowed you to finally open the door and walk into the dark room.

The curtains were drawn close and the already dim light of the already low sun was blocked out of the room almost entirely. A few candles were lit throughout the room and the soft light allowed you to make out Alysane's form on the bed. Her body was covered by her blanket, leaving only her face exposed. Or well, it would have been exposed had it not been for the bandages covering most of her face.

“Alysane..” Your feet brought you to her side as quickly as your exhaustion allowed them to. What had happened to her? “What did he do to you?” you whispered, not expecting a reply from your passed out friend.

“Garret slashed her face. It will take time to heal,” the guard that had been outside said instead. Both him and Kita were slowly following you into the room.

“Will.. will she be alright?” As disturbing as she looked right now, you could not bring yourself to look away from her. How could a single man hurt you both so bad? How could this happen? And how could you help?

“She will heal. Luckily he did not injure her eye but it will still take a long time until she will be able to go out in public again.”

“Did you see the wound?” Kita asked him.

“I did. It.. it is very big. From her jaw over her cheek up to her nose. I doubt she will look as beautiful as she did before, which is a real shame considering-”

“Get out!” Now you were truly angry. “Is this all that you care about?!” You got up, stalking towards the man who looked terrified by your sudden outburst. “My friend was almost murdered and the first thing that you care to talk about is how she won't be beautiful anymore?” What was wrong with this man?

Defensively, he raised his hands. “I - I did not mean-”

“Sir Kita?” You were done.

“Yes, princess?” You could hear his metal armor clinging as he moved beside you, his voice low and composed.

“Remove this man from my presence.”

“With pleasure.”

It was the first command of this kind that you had given your knight. Usually, you did not enjoy making other people hurt someone else for you. You did not like to overreact and potentially hurt someone too much or to do them wrong. But this man deserved to be removed from this room. Maybe be pushed into a wall on the way out. And Kita wanted to protect you from any harm in any form right?

You didn't even bother to keep looking at this man. He was not worth your time, he was not even good enough to be in the same room as you.

You turned around as Kita grabbed the man and pushed him out of the room as you resumed your previous spot next to your friend. This time, you knelt down next to her, brushing through the few exposed strands of her hair. What did it matter if she was beautiful? She was your friend. She was alive and you loved her. That was all that mattered.

You could not tell how long you sat next to Alysane’s resting form. It probably was not that long, but you could feel the exhaustion seep into your bones. Every muscle in your body was begging you to take a rest, to lay down, but you refused to leave your friend. Sitting next to her on the bed, you stroked over the outline of her arm underneath the covers. You listened to her quiet breaths and watched the part of her face you could see, monitoring her for any sign of discomfort or pain. Quietly, you prayed that she would wake up. But you knew that that would probably take some time. She needed to rest - like you were supposed to.

Kita returned to your side, stepping away from his spot by the window. For the past few minutes, he had been standing there, the curtain pulled just a bit to the side to allow him to peek outside. What he had been looking at you did not know, nor did you particularly care. All that mattered right now was Alysane. If it was something important, you were sure Kita would tell you, anyway. If he didn't, it probably wasn't something you needed to be thinking about. You were thankful for every small concern he kept away from you, allowing you to fully focus on the situation at hand.

“Princess?” He carefully approached you. “It is time to return to your chambers. You need to rest.”

“I can't leave her alone.”

You were hunched over, your neck hurt, your eyes hurt. But you couldn't leave.

“We'll find a new guard to keep an eye on her. And tomorrow we will come back and visit her again.”

You gave in. Of course you did, because he was right. He was always right. And you already knew who you wanted to keep an eye on Alysane.

“I need to find out where Osric is.”

Kita smiled at you. “I think I can help you with that.”

Just a few minutes later, Osric was standing in the doorway of Alysane's room. Kita had opened the curtains of the window he had been standing in front of before and motioned for Osric to come inside. Apparently the knight had been outside in the courtyard already, looking up to Alysane's room. It shouldn't surprise you as much as it did but with all of the chaos inside your head, you had not had the time to think about Osric too much.

Careful not to make too much noise, he walked into the room slowly, eyes only ever trained on Alysane.

“Is she alright? I heard that something had happened but..” He swallowed. “I didn't know exactly what. They wouldn't let me in and.. and I didn't know what was going on.”

“Garret attacked her after he attacked me,” you explained. “There is a large wound on her face, but she will live.” If the wound does not get infected, you added in your head, but did not dare to say out loud, scared of speaking it into existence.

“Oh, right.” Osric's eyes snapped over at you. “He - he attacked you too, right? Are you-”

“I'm fine,” you reassured him. “And I would be even better if I knew my friend in safe hands.”

Osric nodded slowly, his eyes panning back to look at Alysane again. He looked uncertain, almost scared. Like a deer caught in headlights.

Kita walked up to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “She will be fine. Just keep an eye on her, alright?”

With the dim light in the room, you could not be sure, but for just a moment you thought you could see tears glimmering in Osric’s eyes when he looked at Kita. Then, he nodded and went to sit on one of the chairs placed close to the bed.

“A maid will come and check in every now and then, too,” you told him as you tried to push yourself up from where you were still sitting on the bed. Kita somehow appeared by your side, a strong hand under your arm helping you up. He held out his arm after that, offering it to you for support as you made your way back to your room on wobbly legs.

Before you left your friend, you shot a last glance at her and Osric, who's eyes were still focused on Alysane.

She would be alright.

-> Next Chapter

#kita x reader #kita #kita x you #kita x y/n #knight!kita #medival au #kuta shinsuke #kita shinsuke x reader #kita shinsuke x you #kita shinsuke x y/n #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu #kita haikyuu #comfort #hurt/comfort #angst

27 notes · View notes

kazemi-archive · 5 months

Text

Help Wanted

Pairing: Kita Shinsuke x Reader WC: ~1.2k Genre: fluff CW: references to burnout Summary: after leaving home for the summer, hoping for some emotional reset, you find yourself on the Shinsuke farm

You wound up here by chance. In Hyogo. Your friend had stayed at a small bed and breakfast here and had taken it upon herself to book you the stay here and even pay for it. You had mentioned your exhaustion of your city the exhaustion the school year had taken on you, the constant go go go of working in this environment. The need for a break.

“Just buy the train ticket.” That’s what she had said as she gifted you the confirmation codes for the stay in the bed and breakfast.

Having just graduated from university in Tokyo and another year, another program on the horizon, you took the gift of a vacation, a slower pace of life for the summer.

The first week in the bed and breakfast did prove to be relaxing. You moved on your own time, sleeping and waking without schedule. You got to work on your own personal projects on your laptop and then mosy around town for food when you needed it. It was wonderful. For a little bit. Before you started to get restless.

The market the day before was bustling in a good way, busy but not like the city. It was a softer sort of busy here. It was where you had found the flier that you’d been mulling over all night long. Studying it and debating if it was something you could do.

It was a ‘help wanted’ flier. A newly established farm that was just on the outskirts of town. “No experience needed” was printed across the front of it.

You decided that volunteering some of your abundant amount of time couldn’t hurt, that maybe working with a farm all summer might be exactly what you needed in order to want to go back to the city at the end of your trip when the new school year started.

It was a slight struggle as you tried to find a proper outfit for the day. You’d woken early and tried to tug on the most worn pair of jeans you could find, and matched it with a loose t-shirt that you wouldn’t mind getting some dirt on. Some old sneakers and a dusty hat topped off your look.

You felt out of place on the bus there. Having already embarrassed yourself asking the bus driver if you were on the right track and which stop you’d get off on. The burning in your cheeks still hadn’t settled before you finally reached the stop, reigniting when the driver gave you a few extra directions.

Spinning around a few corners of the dirt road finally led you to a small house. The old style structure of the house was charming to you. There were plants hanging from the overhang of the porch and it seemed to radiate peace.

“Miss?” Your head snapped to the side, the form of an older woman catching your attention as she came from a small, gated garden. “Were you looking for something?”

You shuffled around to face her quickly, hands fumbling around in your bag for the paper. “Hi, I’m so sorry!” Your hand finally grasped the paper and you held it up as you ventured closer to her. “I found this in the market yesterday. I came to see if-”

“Oh!” She clasped her hands together gently as she came closer to you. She radiated warmth, her smile making you immediately feel comfortable. “You found his ad! Good!” She chuckled as she shuffled you closer to the house. “He really does need the help.” You followed her easily, smile gracing your features as her happiness was contagious. “He tries to do it all by himself, he needs some breaks.”

You laughed lightly as you followed her into the house, trailing like a little duckling. “Your husband sounds very hard working.”

“Oh!” She laughed heartily as she grabbed a glass of lemonade to hand to you. “Not my husband, dear.” She smiles as she ushers you to sit at the kitchen table with her. “My grandson runs this farm. He should be back soon, he was making a delivery out in town.”

“I’m sorry,” your cheeks flare again as you laugh nervously, “I shouldn’t have assumed I just-”

“It’s no worry, he’s a very great boy. Works very hard and always has helped out around here, I’m just getting too old to help him back.” She continues to talk about his good qualities and you quietly listen, too taken with how sweet she seems and how fondly she clearly thinks of her grandson.

“Grandmother, who’s our guest?”

Your head turns to the door and you’re sure that your heart stops in your chest. He’s toeing off his shoes at the door, eyes focused on that motion as he tips his hat off to hang on the wall. The reveal of his hair held your attention, light gray through most of it but black at the tips, unlike anything you’d seen before. Your breathing seemed to start next when he looked up at you. His soft brown eyes locked with yours and both of you seemed to freeze.

You felt heat creep back up your cheeks and broke the contact, reaching for the paper again to present it to him. “I, uh, I found your ad.”

“Right, yeah.” You didn’t notice the slight tinge to his cheeks as he sat at the table next to his grandmother, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek. “I’m Kita Shinsuke.” He held out his hand for you to shake, you put your hand in his and told him your name in response.

“I would really appreciate the chance to help out. I don’t have any experience, but I do have some free time and I’m a quick learner.” You rambled the words out quickly as you released his hand, nervously bringing your own hand back into your lap.

“It’s okay, I been told I’m a decent teacher.” He smiled softly, hoping if he spoke enough your nervous demeanor would fade. “If ya’d like, I could show ya some stuff t’day. We could start slow.” He said it while standing and nodding his head lightly towards the door.

“Yes, yes of course.” You nodded, standing quickly, ready to follow him. “Thank you so much for letting me try this out, Kita-san.” You followed after him eagerly towards the door and your shoes.

“Ya can call me Shinsuke, if ya’d like.” He said it so nonchalantly, not even looking up as he pulled his shoes back on.

“Ri-right. Thank you, Shinsuke.” Your tongue twisted around the word smoothly and it made your cheeks flush while it made Shinsuke’s heart hiccup over one of its beats.

Neither of you, too caught up in your own interactions, seemed to notice the knowing smile that creeped onto the lips of Shinsuke’s grandmother as she lifted her glass back to them. “You two have fun out there! Keep your hats on in the sun!”

a/n: selfship coded and probably will have a follow up <3

#𓇻 fics

97 notes · View notes

sugawarassoccerlover · 7 months

Text

general hurt/comfort. small self indulgent blurb for myself cause i need this rn :p

You sniffled, slowly calming down from your sobbing session. However, his arms remained around you, holding you securely against him. Your face was buried comfortably in his shoulder, as it usually does when things got like this. Sensing your decreasing cries, he moves one hand from your shoulder to your hair, stroking it with a tenderness that almost got you sobbing again.

“Would you like to talk about it now, or do you just want me to keep holding you? Or we could do something else entirely, get out of the house, stay in, whatever you want, sweetheart” he said, pressing a soft kiss to your hair.

“It’s stupid,” you mumbled against his shoulder.

You felt his body suddenly tense beneath yours. The hand on your hair moved to your chin, as he moved you so that he could look you in the eyes. “Nuh-uh. Nothing that bothers you is ‘stupid’. Even if an extreme tragedy didn’t happen, if it’s hurting or stressing you, its important. Now come on honey, wanna tell me what got you so worked up?”

“I just,” your voice broke and you lifted your hand to wipe the tears from your eye with the back of your hand. “I’m overwhelmed right now. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really excited about doing this class, and being able to start working, it’s just.. A lot. And it's so new. There’s so many things to do, so many things to consider. Things also aren’t going as smoothly as I expected them to do.”

“Aw, hun,” he brushed the hair away from your face. “I understand. Starting a new path in life is always going to be pretty scary. There’s so many unknowns, and it can just be a lot. But you have me to help you, to lean on. I’ll always support you in this. And you know what? I’m so proud of you, so fucking proud. You’re doing something outside of your comfort zone, and pursuing what you want despite all your worries. If I need to remind you every day, I will, but you’re doing so well. Things may not be going as smoothly as you expected, like you said, but you’re keeping with it regardless. I think that's something you should be proud of yourself for.”

His words made you tear up again. “Thank you, [__] that.. That means a lot coming from you.”

“You know I'm not just saying this to say it, right? I mean it. You’re doing amazing, sweetie,” he said before kissing your forehead. The way he looked into your eyes, there was nothing put pure affection and admiration in his gaze. “You know what? This calls for a celebratory dinner. How about we get a nice dinner for you, and then afterwards maybe we can have some fun, catch my drift?” He said with a slight chuckle, raising his eyebrows.

“Pervert!” You giggled, punching his shoulder lightly.

sugawara koshi, mitsuya takashi, kita shinsuke, osamu miya, tecchou suehiro, yuki sohma, carlos oliveira, hatori sohma, natsuo todoroki, satan, simeon, joe, kazuha, neuvillette, thoma, tighnari, rengoku kyojuro

131 notes · View notes

suguwu · 1 year

Text

lover be good to me: part one

You meet Kita Shinsuke on a rainy summer day, with a sea of hydrangeas swirling at your feet. You know him instantly, as only a soulmate can. He seems like a good man. Like a good soulmate.

But it's your wedding day.

minors and ageless blogs do not interact.

pairings: kita shinsuke x f!reader, oc x f!reader

notes: this fic has been a long time coming—it's basically my baby at this point. i'm so excited to finally get to share part one with you! i am so thankful for everyone who has sat thru me yelling about this to them. and a million thank yous to my beta, between your enthusiasm for this fic and all your help with it—i don't know if it could have been done without you!

title and part title are from hozier's "be" and "nfwmb"

tags for this part: soulmate au (first words), this is a very reader-centric story, very significant reader x oc, slow burn, hurt/comfort, pining, alcohol consumption, anxiety.

see main fic tags here.

wc: 13k

The hydrangeas are in full bloom.

You can see them through the window: the sea in each blossom, the radiant blue of them veined through with white, ocean and foam detailed in petals. They nod with the rain, weighed down by the fat droplets.

There are two men that keep passing through the sea of hydrangeas like ships, leaving little eddies of blooms in their wake. They must be vendors considering they’re weighted down by boxes, though neither seems bothered by their load.

You watch them for a moment. They’re both efficient, unbothered by the slow, steady drizzle. You rest your chin on your cupped palm, eyes drawn to the shorter man. There’s a few strands of hair peeking out from beneath his hat, the hazy gray of it—black-tipped like thunderclouds—an odd contrast to his lean, toned body.

He makes his way through the courtyard, and you lean forward to keep him in sight, your nose almost pressed against the foggy window pane. He steps carefully around a drooping hydrangea bloom, his calm face visible for the first time, and something threads through you for a breath unraveling too quickly for you to place.

He ducks beneath the eaves and out of your sight.

Just in time, too. The rain picks up drumming gently against the ground, carrying a few loosened petals with it. The other man—broader and taller but no less graceful for it—spits out a curse. He hurries forward until he too is gone from view.

“Told you it would rain,” Abe says from behind you, making you yelp. She presses in next to you. Her breath billows over the window pane blooming hazy against it, a marine fog.

“You did,” you say with a laugh. “So did the weather channel. Almost a full week before you did.”

She scoffs. “Yes, but that’s their job. Mine was sheer instinct.”

“And listening to the weather channel?”

“Must you slander me?”

“Yes,” you say, smiling, but your gaze returns to the courtyard where the hydrangeas are bleeding petals under the rain’s heavy cut.

“Are you nervous?”

You meet Abe’s gaze in the reflection of the window pane. Her dark eyes are warm and soft, and maybe a little bit sad.

“Should I be?” you ask.

She wraps a small hand around yours and you realize you’ve been tapping your nail against your water glass, a crystalline symphony.

“No,” she says firmly. “You shouldn’t.”

Warmth blooms in your chest, sprouts like flowers between the cracks in the concrete. You lean into her. She sighs, long and put-upon, but she tilts towards you, opens her body to you. It’s an invitation you know well. You rest your head in the crook of her shoulder and stare out the window.

“Yeah,” you say. “You’re right.”

“Always am.”

“That’s debatable, Natsu.”

She grumbles but starts to pull away without comment when the kimono stylist calls out for her. She pauses for a moment. She leans in and adjusts your shiromuku carefully, her fingers deft. Then she squeezes your hand softly, familiar and warm, like a song you’ll always know. You squeeze back.

You watch her reflection in the window until it blurs at the edges. She’s already bickering with Yoshikawa by the time it fades entirely from the foggy windowpane, their voices carrying. You’re sure that they’re curled together over Yoshikawa’s phone, flicking through the itinerary you’ve already forgotten most of.

There’s movement beyond the window and you perk up as the man from before walks by. He’s kept under the eaves by the increased rain, and you can see the way it’s dampened his hair to something closer to slate.

There’s a gleam of amber above the boxes he’s carrying; the briefest flash of his eyes, bright and keen. He sweeps by the window almost close enough to touch, and you press your fingertips against the cool pane without thinking.

It’s this closeness that lets you see his phone—a flip phone, of all things, with a little charm you can’t quite make out dangling from it—slip from his pocket. You wince as it drops out of view.

He keeps going though, utterly unfazed. The rain has overshadowed the noise you realize, and you’re darting outside before you even know it, the shoji rattling slightly from your force. The summer humidity rolls over you, so stark against your aircon-chilled skin that you shiver with it.

“You dropped your phone!” you call out after the man, hurrying along the engawa to scoop it up, careful of your shiromuku’s hem. The tiny charm is a stylized stalk of rice, you realize, the little panicles at the top colored with shimmering golden paint. It’s cute. A little at odds with his utilitarian flip phone, but cute nonetheless.

Ahead of you, the man goes still.

He’s turning around when his name unfurls inside of you.

The movies hadn’t said it was anything like this.

There’s no passion ripping through you like forest fire, no lightning strike sizzling his name into your very bones. It’s slow and soft, like slipping into bathwater after a long, hard day, the heated kiss of it a balm against all of your bruises. Like the bloom of the first crocuses, a promise of spring after the long winter.

“Oh, Shinsuke,” you breathe, and you think you’ve never known a name so well, that each curve of it was made to fit upon your tongue.

The man—Shinsuke—stares at you. And then his lips tilt into a faint smile, tender like the oncoming dawn; a watercolor sky burgeoning with sunlight, a world coming awake. You think you could build a home in the way he looks at you.

“There you are,” he says softly. “I’ve been waiting.”

You know.

You’ve known for years that he’s been waiting for you; it’s been scrawled on your skin this whole time. He has always, always been waiting for you.

Your soulmark pulses faintly. For a breath, you think you can see it glow despite the heavy layers you have on.

“Shinsuke,” you say again. It’s a helpless little sound, the edges of it catching in your throat like burrs. You need to say something else. You know you do. You know what you have to tell him, but he’s looking at you so softly that the words keep getting lost.

Your grip on his phone tightens until the little rice charm is cutting into your skin.

His smile starts to fade. It curls in on itself, wilting at the edges, like the last of the summer flowers.

He’s been looking at only you, you realize. Just you. Your face, most likely, but it feels like something more—as if he’s seeing down to your marrow, as if he’s flayed you open beneath his tender gaze. He’s only been looking at you. Nothing else.

He’s been looking at you, but you think he’s seeing the rest now. Your careful makeup. Your pristine hair.

Your lavish shiromuku—carefully embroidered with the elegant sweep of cranes’ wings and with delicate petals unfolding into bountiful chrysanthemums—that fits you perfectly, the heavy silk of it as white as driven snow.

You couldn’t find the words for it, caught up in the gentle sun of his joy as it pooled golden around you, but he’s finally seeing what you couldn’t say.

It’s your wedding day.

***

Your soulmark appears when you’re twelve, all without you even noticing.

Summer is in full bloom in Toyooka; the wet lick of a heatwave has settled oppressive over the countryside. It’s relentless. Even the rice fields seem to feel it, the verdant green ripple of them becoming a honey-slow shiver under the wind’s gentle touch.

In the heat the cicadas’ call goes lazy; the storks only come out in the earliest parts of morning. They wade carefully through the still waters of the rice paddies, their beaks flashing in the weak sunlight as they needle down into the murk.

The rental house is tucked carefully between two farms, a lone house amid the rippling rice plants. It’s old but well-maintained, a perfect little hideaway for your mother to finish her study. In the heat, she keeps the shoji doors open wide to let in the dancing, citronella-scented breeze. The first day you wander around the house to weigh the papers down with a mish-mash of items: the fruit bowl, pilfered from the kitchen counter under your father’s nose; encyclopedias long outdated; a pair of petal-flecked garden shears.

It helps it feel like home.

Abe and her mother have come to Toyooka too; your mothers spend their days bent close together, talking in a language you know by heart but still can’t understand. Caught up in their research, they leave you to your own devices.

Away from all of your other friends and the bustle of the city, you and Abe roam free like a pair of stray cats. You spend the days without chores wandering through town, your arm hooked through hers, both your tongues stained sky blue from the Gari-Gari Kun popsicles from the conbini. The grannies wave at you as you pass by them; the two of you wave back with sticky fingers.

You flit in and out of the rice paddies, scooping up tadpoles from the murky water. The farmers grow used to your presence quickly; they greet you cheerfully, accepting the onigiri you bring with little nods.

After you splash through a paddy to coo over them, Watanabe lets you feed his ducks. He pours the feed from his hands into your smaller ones with a grunt. His hands are strong but aged, the dark skin on the back of his hands papery in the sunlight, wrinkled like old parchment. He teaches you both how to sprinkle the feed into the water just right so the ducks go arrowing across the water, little ships without sails.

The days are long and short in the same breath.

At night, Abe’s flashlight flickers in her window like a firefly, long after you are both meant to be in bed. You flash your own message back, little secrets wrapped up in ribbons of light, never mentioned after dawn. The two of you are woven together as only childhood friends can be.

And it’s Abe that sees your soulmark first.

It’s midday and the clouds are rolling in across the clear blue sky hanging heavy and low, a gray promise of afternoon thunder. The two of you trace shapes in the clouds, shaded under a massive camphor tree, bumping into each other’s arms as you go.

There’s a rabbit in your cloud, the puffy edges of it extending into fluffy gray ears that wisp and sway with the growing breeze. You’ve just traced along the little curve of its nose when Abe—who has been burbling away like a spring brook, her chatter weaving a spell around the two of you—goes silent.

Then she shrieks and grabs your arm.

“When did it come in?” she asks breathlessly. She’s shaking you too hard for you to see what she’s talking about, but there’s only one thing that tone could mean.

You freeze, your heart pounding in your ears. For a moment, you consider closing your eyes, as if that will keep it from being real. As if that will rewrite your fate.

You think of all the quotes you’ve scrawled in your notebooks late at night, and hope for all of them and none of them.

Abe gives you another little shake. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me! It’s so early! How long have you had it? Has anyone said it yet? What do you—”

“I don’t know!” you say, shaking her off and scooting backwards, pulling your arm towards your chest.

She scowls. “How do you not know?”

“I didn’t notice it.”

You hadn’t. Maybe it was the sleepy haze of summer days running together.

Maybe you hadn’t wanted to see it.

Now that you know, it’s easy to see your mark. It’s already settled into your skin, the kanji tucked carefully into the tender flesh of the crook of your elbow. The characters are neat, precise little things, delicate at the edges. It shimmers silvery in the sunlight. A winter moon’s glow inked into your skin.

Abe plants her hands on her hips. “You didn’t notice your soulmark?”

You shake your head. “You know I would tell you!!”

She huffs. “I guess. You really didn’t know?”

You yank on a tuft of grass. “Nope.”

“Idiot,” she says, but it’s fond. She nudges closer to you despite the heat. “Who doesn’t realize their mark was written?”

“Me, I guess.”

“Guess so. Lemme see,” she says, making grabby hands at your arm; you let her yank it close with a sigh. She peers down at your mark with heavy concentration.

“You look like Granny Takada right now.”

She pouts. “Do not!”

“You do,” you tell her. “You’re all squinty.”

“Do you want me to read it to you or not?”

You take a second too long to answer, the words caught in your throat, tangled on your tongue. Abe glances up. Something passes over her face; it’s too quick to know, a fleeting summer storm. She drops your arm with a sigh.

“The kanji are complicated,” she complains. “Too hard to read. Leave it to you to have a soulmate like that.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” you ask, wrinkling your nose even as you relax, your muscles uncoiling.

She snorts. “Nothing, nothing,” she coos, smacking your hand away when you swat at her. “Let’s go, it’s gonna rain. We can’t track mud inside again.”

“That was you, not me.”

Abe ignores you, popping up to her feet and rocking back on her heels. She takes off before you can stand her braids streaming behind her like kite ribbons, and you yelp out a protest as you scramble to your feet.

“Nat-chan!”

“Keep up!” she shouts, halfway to the rice paddy that edges the little meadow, and you take off after her.

The skies open on the two of you when you’re almost back to the rental, the rain relentless and heavy as only a summer storm can be. You both shriek but the water is warm, and you giggle at the way Abe’s bangs are plastered to her forehead even as you keep running.

You tumble into the genkan just as the first lightning strike splits the sky. You’re practically tripping over each other. Abe knocks into the getabako, jarring a pair of your father’s shoes, their well-worn soles rolling upwards like the barnacled hull of a capsized boat. She grunts with the impact.

“Quiet,” you hiss.

“I’m being quiet,” she hisses back, just as your mother rounds the corner and fixes the two of you with an unimpressed raised brow.

Abe’s mother peeks around the corner too, her lips thinning as she sees the water dripping from the two of you. “You’re soaked,” she says. “And you’re making a mess of the genkan, Natsumi.”

“Sorry,” she mutters.

Her mother sighs. “Weren’t you supposed to be back earlier? Before the rain?”

“We got distracted because her soulmark came in!” Abe says, pointing to you with no remorse.

You gape at her.

“What?” she says. “It’s in a pretty obvious spot.”

“Natsumi,” her mother says, exasperated. “You’re always jumping in feet first.”

Abe grumbles, but goes quiet when her mother eyes her.

“Chieko,” your mother says. “Do you need umbrellas for the walk home?”

“If it’s not an inconvenience.”

“Of course not.”

You and Abe engage in a rapid-fire round of mouthing things to each other as your mothers search for umbrellas, too close to risk actual words. Abe speaks fast, even in exaggerated slow motion, and after you think she says something about snails, you decide it’s too incomprehensible to keep trying. You wave her off with a quick tilt of your head. She scowls but stops, crossing her arms with a soggy squish.

The scowl disappears from her face as soon as her mother steps up beside her, handing her one of your umbrellas. She traces a finger over the nearest little cat design, petting lightly at its fabric ears.

“Let’s go before you catch a cold,” Chieko says. “Say goodbye.”

“Bye,” Abe says, her voice stilted.

“Bye,” you parrot.

“Alright then,” Chieko says after a moment. She looks at you, considering. You bite the inside of your cheek, running the tip of your tongue against the pinched flesh.

She sighs. “You’ll figure it out,” she says softly.

You should have known that she wouldn’t offer congratulations. The relief spreads over you like a balm, soothing the scrape you hadn’t even known was there.

You nod.

“See you tomorrow,” your mother tells her.

She and Abe disappear out the front door and into the downpour; Abe throws you one last look before the door closes behind them. You look away.

Your mother is quiet for a moment. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asks.

“I—I don’t think so.”

She considers you. “Alright,” she says. “I’ll get you a towel and then you need to go change before you get sick.”

“Okay.”

She disappears down the hallway without another word.

You look down to your soulmark. At the thin kanji of it, the gleam of them like spiderwebs caught in a moonbeam, an ethereal silver. When you touch it, tracing a fingertip carefully against the crook of your elbow, it just feels like skin. As if it’s always been there. As if it’s always been a part of you.

Upside down, the kanji are difficult to parse. You run your fingers over them once more, and then your mother is there with a towel. You yank your fingers away as if burned. She doesn’t react, just handing you the towel and corralling you upstairs to dry yourself off.

Dinner is quiet that night and you go up to bed early, tired from the ups and downs of the day.

You’ve just finished brushing your teeth when the flickering catches your attention. You spit out the last bit of foam and rinse out your mouth before padding over to your window.

A little light bobs up and down across the way; at moments, you can make out the vague outline of Abe’s face when she brings the flashlight up with a sharp jerk that almost hits her chin. She’s cycling through the attention-getting code you’d made up a few years back.

You consider pulling your shade down entirely.

Instead, you pad over to your dresser drawer and pull out your own flashlight. You settle into bed with it heavy on your lap. You pull at the edge of the faded sticker slapped below the switch, tearing a little piece of it off. You flick it on for a second. Just enough to let Abe know you’re there.

It’s not your normal greeting, and Abe’s window stays dark for a long, long moment.

Mad at me? she finally flashes, little pulses of starlight in the dark.

You are. Soulmates are different for the two of you. You’ve grown up hearing all of the jargon for your mother’s study, and you know that she has too. You know the low rate of soulmates meeting, and you know the distant look in your father’s eyes as he wraps tender fingers around his blackened mark.

It’s different, and you thought she knew that.

Sorry, her flashlight blinks out. I am.

You think of how she complained about the kanji of your mark despite being the most proficient in your classroom.

Mad at me?

You wonder how you would have told your parents that you’d received your mark when you can barely acknowledge it yourself.

You raise your flashlight.

No, you send off. Not anymore.

Good, she immediately sends.

You talk until your eyelids are drooping and your jaw is cracking with non-stop yawning. It’s easy to say goodnight, knowing you’ll see each other in the morning. You pull down your shade and climb into bed.

You fall asleep with your hand cupped over your soulmark.

***

It takes you three days to finally ask what your mark says.

Evening is coming to life, the sky darkening into plum, the faintest hint of cotton-candy pink lingering on the horizon. As your father sets the table, you’re unable to resist the quiet call of what fate has scraped into your skin.

He blinks, trading a look with your mother, but then he smiles softly.

“After dinner,” he tells you. “Okay?”

You nod.

It’s your mother who reads it to you later, the two of you whispering together on the engawa surrounded by the flicker of the summer fireflies. You curl tight into her side, a rib returned.

“There you are,” she reads softly, stroking a thumb gently over the kanji. “I’ve been waiting.”

Her voice is a honeyed drip, sweet and steady, and though she is smiling, you think she sounds sad. She shifts to press a hand tight over her stomach as if it’s the only thing holding her together, as if she’s suddenly too big for her body. You know her mark is there. The kanji has gone sour and black, an eclipsed moon.

“I don’t know if I want them to wait for me,” you whisper to her.

She presses a kiss to your hairline. “You don’t have to know, tadpole.”

You bite the inside of your cheek.

She shifts beside you. “You don’t have to wait for them, you know,” she tells you.

“Really?”

“Really,” she says.

“Do you think I’ll meet them?” you ask, kicking your feet and looking out into the night. A firefly flares bright, and you consider running to catch it. You’ve always been quick enough. The fireflies have always been trusting enough.

She nudges a knuckle against your cheek. “The chances are low,” she admits, because she has never lied to you about soulmates. “And that’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

“Why?”

She sighs. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

She still has her hand pressed hard against her ribcage.

You bite your lip and don’t ask anything else.

The two of you stay curled together under the stars, watching the trucks trundle down the road as the late-working farmers return from the paddies. Eventually, she ushers you inside, and when she thinks you aren’t looking she knots her fingers in your father’s shirt. The fabric winds tight around her fingers, cutting into the softness of her skin. Her shoulders are trembling. Your father cups the back of her head and brushes a kiss to her hairline.

You go up to your bedroom without a word because even this young, you know there are things you aren’t meant to see.

Not long after that night your mother and Abe’s mother publish the study. It’s a culmination of years of grueling research on soulmates, of half-written notes on napkins when you go out to restaurants, of simmering arguments between her and Abe’s mother, of death threats and poisonous words.

It covers the concept of soulmates like kudzu, winding over the romance of it and smothering it beneath statistics and a dissection of societal impact alike.

It gets a nickname soon after publication, and your mother’s smile is a melon rind curve, bitter at the edges.

They call it the Heartbreak Study.

***

Summer comes to an end.

You leave Toyooka on a rainy afternoon, the light drizzle sending water droplets racing down the train window. The storks huddle together in the paddies, their wet feathers gleaming like the moon. Abe is warm at your side curled into you, already half-asleep from the underlying hum of the train. It picks up speed and the rolling green of the countryside blurs like a watercolor, smearing across the horizon as you head back to the city.

It feels like you’re leaving more than the countryside behind.

Still, the city is a comfort, the bustle of it a familiar song, and you’d missed the neon lights that dot the streets like little flowers. With the return of school just around the corner it’s nice to settle back into the rhythm of city life, so different from the steady, unyielding heartbeat of Toyooka.

You unpack your clothes and yourself too, slotting everything back into your city life, trying to fit back into it like a well-worn pair of shoes.

“Oh,” Yoshikawa says lazily the next day, when you and Abe find her sprawled out on a bench by the conbini, sucking on a popsicle. She peers up at you, her long hair flowing around her shoulders like weeds in the current, softly swaying with each little movement. “You’re back.”

“She got her soulmark!” Abe says, dragging you forward by your wrist to display your mark.

“Natsu,” you groan, ignoring the way she tugs at your wrist to pull you even more into Yoshikawa’s space. “Really?”

“What, you weren’t going to tell her?”

“Yeah,” Yoshikawa drawls, her dark eyes sly. “Were you not gonna tell me?”

“Shut up, Yocchan,” you say. “You know I was going to tell you.”

“You sure?” she asks, propping herself up on her elbows. “Doesn’t quite sound like it.”

“Yocchan.”

“Fine, fine, I’ll stop teasing. Can I see?”

You hesitate for a breath.

“You don’t gotta,” Yoshikawa says, biting into her popsicle with a loud crunch. Her lips are blue with it, the same color as the mid-morning sky. It drips down her elegant fingers, catches on the small scars littered across them. She licks at them absently, but her gaze is keen.

“It’s fine,” you say. “I’m just…still getting used to it.”

She hums.

“Great,” Abe says, using her grip on your wrist to tug you forward again. “Look, look, look!”

Yoshikawa pushes herself the rest of the way up slowly, tucking her popsicle between her teeth as she reaches for your arm. Her fingers are sticky against your skin. She’s quiet as she reads your mark, her brow slightly furrowed.

She lets you go after a minute, and you try not to fidget.

“Romantic,” she says. She lays back down on the bench.

Abe makes a strangled noise. “That’s all?”

Yoshikawa blinks slowly, but there’s a smug curve to her lips. “Is there something else to say?”

Abe stamps her foot. “There’s so much to say! She got her mark! The first of us! The first in our year!”

“Nah, Sasaki got his right before the break.”

“He did?”

“He did?” you echo. Relief blooms in you, rooting in the cracks of you, and you let out a tight breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“Yeah,” Yoshikawa says. She closes her eyes and raises her face to the sun. It bathes her, turns her golden, an offering at the ending summer’s altar. “Our moms are friends. Heard them talking about it.”

“Oh,” Abe says, pursing her lips. She glances at you, and you don’t know what she sees in your face, but her eyes go soft. “I guess it’s better that way. It won’t be as big of a deal. It’ll be fine.”

“You think so?” you ask. It comes out smaller than you meant it to.

She nudges you with her hip. “Yeah,” she says, her voice gentle. There’s a promise in it. “I do.”

Yoshikawa hums her agreement as she bites off the last of her popsicle, ignoring Abe’s wince. She sucks the stick clean and glances at it. “Oh,” she says mildly. “I won.”

“What?” Abe cries out, practically clambering on top of her to grab the stick. “How do you always win?”

Yoshikawa grunts under her sudden burden, stretching out one long arm to keep Abe from grabbing the stick. “S’not my fault you have bad luck.”

“C’mon, you already had a popsicle today!”

You watch them struggle, Abe doing her best to blanket Yoshikawa’s lanky frame with her tiny one. The laughter bubbles out of you, spills from you like an overflowing urn, loud and unrestrained.

They turn to you in unison, brows raised.

“Let’s go to the park,” you say, laughter still sweet on your tongue. “Don’t want to waste the day.”

They eye you for a moment. They look at each other and shrug.

“Conbini first,” Abe says. “I want something.”

“You can’t have my popsicle,” Yoshikawa says.

“I don’t want your stupid free popsicle!”

“You were just trying to grab it!”

“Well I don’t want it anymore! I want mochi instead!”

This time you swallow down your laugh, let it spread warm through you like bottled sunshine. You follow the bickering pair into the conbini. They wait for you at the door, and you link pinkies with them both so they can drag you down the snack aisle.

For the first time since getting your mark, it feels like everything is going to be okay.

***

School starts up again.

It’s still warm, the last dregs of summer lingering in the air as you walk languidly to school with your friends. Abe flits ahead, her dark hair shimmering under the morning sun, and you think of a little darting fish on a reef, a quicksilver flash of scales. She greets other classmates easily. They always have a smile for her, and she falls into step beside them for a moment, chattering away.

But in the end she always turns around and waits for you and Yoshikawa.

She’s off in the distance when Yoshikawa glances down at the silver peeking out of the crook of your elbow, exposed by the summer uniform’s short sleeves.

“No wrap?” she asks.

“No wrap,” you say.

You’d thought about it, but wearing a wrap screams that you’ve gotten your mark. With yours tucked tender into the crook of your elbow, you might be able to get away with it. At least you hope so. You know how many eyes will be on you when people realize, and you shift on the balls of your feet, pressing closer to Yoshikawa.

She hums. “Alright.”

You know that tone.

“Do not cause any problems,” you warn her.

She blinks slowly, like a smug cat with a patch of sunshine all to itself. “I would never. Do you want some toast?”

“Do I what—”

She pulls a handkerchief filled with toast out from her bag, little oily spots of butter bleeding through the hand-embroidered cloth. “Toast,” she says, holding it out.

“Don’t try to distract me,” you say irritably, but when she nudges the toast in your direction you slip a piece free of the handkerchief. You’ve eaten breakfast but no one makes bread like Yoshikawa’s mother, a hobby she’d picked up in her year abroad as a teen. Any of her loaves crackle perfectly under the bread knife, each slice thick and hearty, woven through with herbs and spices.

“I would never.”

“Liar,” you mutter, sinking your teeth into the toast.

“So mean,” she says, but she’s smiling.

“Hurry up!” Abe shouts back to you both, her hands cupped over her mouth to unnecessarily amplify herself.

Yoshikawa ignores her, sauntering along as your fellow students pour past you both. She moves like a river current, languid and flowing, and immoveable from her path.

“You’re the worst,” Abe tells her a few minutes later, when you’ve finally caught up to her.

“Uh huh.”

“Don’t ignore me, Yocchan!”

“I’m not,” Yoshikawa says, holding out the toast again. She always brings enough for all three of you. “You just say it so much that it’s lost all meaning.”

Abe grumbles, but she snags a piece of toast. It crunches beneath her teeth, a crackling symphony. “This is bribery, you know,” she says through her mouthful, scrunching up her nose.

Yoshikawa shrugs.

“C’mon,” you say, poking at them both. “We’re gonna be late.”

Abe links arms with you. Your mark flashes bright with the movement, glimmering like snow in the moonlight, all prismatic ice.

She hums, shifting her arm just enough that your elbows are interlocked, hiding your mark as she tugs you towards the school gates. “Let’s go then,” she says.

Yoshikawa falls into step on your other side. She leans over and softly bonks her head against yours, her long hair a veil for you both. You press together for a breath, then she pulls back and links her arm through your other arm as you enter the school grounds.

You make it two whole periods before someone notices.

It’s Hasegawa, of course, her deep brown eyes going wide as you reach into your bag for your textbook. She says something to her seatmate, and Honda’s eyes snap to you.

You keep arranging your supplies. You set your pencil down next to your notebook and line them up as precisely as you can, nudging it back and forth until it’s perfectly aligned as they whisper to each other. They keep glancing at you until Yoshikawa leans back in her seat and flashes them a razor-edged smile. Honda squeaks, and they both go quiet after that.

But there’s no escaping it. You can feel eyes on you all day, and murmurs follow you everywhere. You barely eat at lunch, pushing the pieces of your bento around as Abe and Yoshikawa crowd you on either side.

You almost make it to the end of the school day, but then Ueda and Nakajima stop you in the hallway. You bow to your seniors as they look you up and down.

“We heard you got your soulmark,” Nakajima says, swaying in place just slightly, like kelp caught in a current. “Is it true?”

“Yes,” you say, trying not to fidget with your sleeve.

“When?” Ueda asks, frowning.

“Over the break.”

“Early to be getting your mark,” she muses. She doesn’t have hers yet, you think. Only a handful of people in her year do.

“They say the earlier the mark manifests, the stronger the soul bond,” Nakajima says.

It’s a common belief, one of the oldest wives tales there is, but you’ve spent too long listening to your mother. You know better. Still, your stomach twists.

“What does yours say?” Ueda asks.

You bite your tongue; the pain flashes through you like lightning, bright and sharp and bitter. The bitterness lingers, fills your mouth until you have to swallow it down. It stings the whole way.

Ueda waits.

When you tell her, it feels like each word is being torn from you, as if they’d rooted into your very flesh.

(You suppose they have.)

For a breath, Ueda’s face twists. You think of the first hint of rot in ripe fruit, when the scent goes too sweet, a promise of decay. It isn’t the first time you’ve seen jealousy over a mark, but it’s odd to have it directed at you.

I didn’t ask for this, you want to tell her. I don’t know if I even want this.

“Oh, how lovely,” Nakajima murmurs, moon-eyed. “You’re lucky to have such a devoted soulmate.”

You smile, but you think it’s a poor imitation of one, soured at the edges as it is. “Yeah,” you say, because she’s looking at you expectantly. “I am.”

“Well, congratulations. Right, Machi?”

“Yeah,” Ueda says, flashing you a tight smile. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you,” you say, the words ash on your tongue.

Nakajima tilts her head, bird-like, but Yoshikawa comes to your rescue, calling out your name from down the hall. You bid your seniors a quiet goodbye before hurrying to her.

She slings an arm around your shoulders, squeezing lightly.

“Okay?” she asks.

“Yeah,” you say. “I’m fine.”

She hums her disbelief but leaves you be.

With her by your side, smiling pleasantly and radiating danger, the day passes without anyone else approaching you. Abe joins you again, looking proud of herself in a way that means she caused a problem, and you wonder what you did to deserve both of them.

They come home with you when school ends, waving to your parents as you head up to your room. You collapse face-down on your bed and Yoshikawa laughs, low and deep and a little bit sad.

She and Abe curl up around you like cats. They talk about everything and nothing, filling up your room with their presence until you start to go lax against them. They shuffle closer as you do and they’re warm against you, like sunbaked stone. You sink into that warmth and breathe out deeply.

The next few weeks will be filled with questions, with murmurs behind your back, with everything that comes with getting your mark so early. You know that, but there’s one other thing that you know, too.

With them, you know you’ll make it through.

***

The school year blurs past in a watercolor of seasons. Fall gives way to winter, curling up under the biting cold; spring chases away winter in a riot of color, the sakura buds unfurling as your upperclassmen graduate, each bloom inset into the branches like a little jewel. As summer beckons, the days warming as the promise of rain hangs heavy in the humid air, Kimura gets her mark.

She’s only the third person in your year to get hers and she’s coy about it, wrapping it in a ribbon, the burgundy silk luscious against her skin. It’s as eye-catching as she meant it to be.

It’s elegant in its own way, though the ribbon wilts slightly as the day goes on, mostly from the way she keeps touching it. She strokes along the ribbon as she talks with her friends. You’re not sure she realizes it.

A few people glance your way, their eyes flickering to your elbow, but their attention is as fleeting as the first snow. Their gazes return to Kimura, to the bruised burgundy of her ribbon.

Something loosens in you, unravels from where it’s been knit tight around your ribs.

Honda gets hers next, and then Watanabe gets his.

Slowly, mark after mark comes into being, words unfurling across skin. As more of your classmates receive their marks, yours fades into the background. It becomes common and you sink into that commonality, having long waited for the spotlight on you to cease.

Your mark fades into the background, like a star just after dawn—known only to those who know where to look. You try not to think of it. Sometimes you even succeed.

In your second year of high school, there’s Takao.

He’s a quiet boy. Stoic, even, his face almost stony as he introduces himself as the new transfer student. But he has a dandelion tuft smile, downy soft and fleeting, carried off by the wind not long after it blooms across his lips.

You like it, his smile.

You watch Kimura—your class rep, a position she’s held since middle school—get to her feet. Takao is setting up his desk when she approaches, methodically laying out his supplies. He keeps them in neat rows and you can’t help but smile when you see that his eraser is a battered little Keroppi, its round eyes almost flattened into a straight line on one side.

The class’s chatter softens, a few people glancing towards Kimura and Takao. You can’t see her face, but her fingers are trembling, just a bit. He looks unbothered. There’s not a trace of nerves in him, until you realize that the tips of his ears have gone faintly pink.

Kimura’s voice doesn’t carry when she greets him so you don’t hear what she says, but you see the tension bleed from her after Takao speaks.

Not soulmates, then.

She relaxes, and from the way her hands are moving she’s starting to outline the classroom expectations. You shift in your seat, starting to turn away, when a flash of movement from Takao catches your eye.

He looks at you from beneath the fan of his eyelashes from across the classroom. He has a small spray of fading freckles, you realize, speckled over the bridge of his nose like a cluster of stars. He gives you that smile again. It takes a moment to realize you’re staring, and you look away, your cheeks hot.

“You’ve got a crush,” Abe sing-songs at lunch a few days later, jabbing her chopsticks into your bento and stealing a piece of pickled daikon.

“I don’t,” you say, moving your bento away as she tries to steal another piece.

Yoshikawa snorts. She’s sprawled out on the grass next to you and Abe, her long skirt caught up around her calves. There’s grass caught in her black hair, the verdant blades swaying as she moves, as if floating in the whirling eddies of the darkened sea.

“If you’re gonna lie,” she says, turning over onto her stomach, “at least do it well.”

“I’m not lying!”

“Liar.”

“Such a liar,” Abe agrees. “You stare at him all the time.”

“No I don’t!”

Abe’s grin goes sly. “I didn’t say who,” she tells you.

“I—it doesn’t matter who, I don’t stare at anyone!”

Yoshikawa raises an eyebrow. “So you don’t stare at Takao.”

You scowl down at the ground, ripping up a small chunk of grass. You rub the blades between your fingers until they’re a fine pulp, and the scent of a freshly mowed lawn permeates the air.

“See?” Abe says. “Told you.”

“Are you going to talk to him?” Yoshikawa asks, peering up at you. She’s sly-eyed, her gaze keen despite the way she yawns.

“Not yet,” you say. It takes you a moment to realize that you’re cupping a hand over your mark, rubbing your thumb over the thin skin just above it.

Yoshikawa smiles, warm and soft and knowing, and doesn’t say anything else. Instead she moves closer to you, curling around you like a crescent moon, her head padded on her discarded blazer. You settle into the cradle of her.

Abe is grinning wildly. “I knew that you had a crush,” she says, popping another bite of your rice into her mouth.

“Oh, like we haven’t seen the way you moon over Takeda!” you say.

She shrugs. “She’s cute.”

You huff and reach over to steal some of her tamagoyaki. She yelps, scrambling to pull her bento away as you snatch at the last piece. “Mean!” she says, watching as you eat it, the fluffy egg practically melting on your tongue. “I want the rest of your daikon!”

“Get your own!”

She reaches for your bento and you swat at her. The two of you bicker for the rest of lunch, only ceasing when you return to the classroom and take your seats.

Out of the corner of your eye, there’s a flicker of movement. When you glance over, Takao is already watching you. There’s a smile tucked sweet into the corner of his mouth, a sliver of a thing.

It’s you who looks away first.

You’ll talk to him eventually, you think, cupping a hand over your soulmark once again.

Just not yet.

***

Not yet lasts longer than you thought.

You and Takao trade glances across the classroom for one week, then another, and then another still. Each look is a fleeting thing, like a shooting star streaking across the sky.

But you don’t speak to each other.

You learn the sound of his voice through others when he speaks to your classmates and teachers. It’s quiet, steady, with a warm rasp to it that makes you think of billowing smoke. He blushes to the tips of his ears when it cracks. It’s cute in a way that makes you ache.

You learn the sound of him, but never for yourself.

Still, you gravitate towards each other. He offers you a tangerine one morning, his smile small, soft, and earnest. When you nod he uses his fingernail to split open the peel, unfurling it in a smooth motion. The peel curls bright around his hand. He separates out a segment and gives it to you, his fingertips damp with sticky juice. They leave shy little imprints across your palm.

The fruit bursts across your tongue like sunshine, golden and warm. Takao is watching you with hopeful eyes. You grin, and hold your hand out for another.

He sits down next to you to share it. The classroom is full of chatter, but the two of you are quiet, wrapped up in your own world. Suddenly, it’s not so much that you’re scared of speaking, but that maybe you don’t quite need it. Not yet.

It would be nice, you suppose, but as time passes, you and Takao find ways to fit together without speaking. Instead, you learn the tilt of his mouth and the crinkle of his nose and the way his fingers run through his hair.

It works. It’s not quite enough, but it works.

And so not yet lasts just a little bit longer, the two of you steering away from the cliff’s edge looming in the distance.

Another month goes by.

You spend hours with Takao, the sight of you together a common thing to the point where your classmates ask you where he is when they’re looking for him. You can usually tell them. You’re incredibly aware of each other, caught in each other’s gravitational pull.

Sometimes it feels like you’re destined to only orbit each other, to never truly touch.

But sometimes you almost speak.

It’s a golden afternoon, the wind rustling through the leaves like a lullaby, filling the space between you both. You’re tucked together on one of the benches in the school’s yard watching the flow of students as they head to their clubs.

Takao is sunstruck, haloed in gold, and it makes his dark eyes even deeper, an obsidian sheen. You’ve seen it before, but there’s still something about it that makes your stomach flip.

He shakes his head, trying to get his hair out of his eyes. It doesn’t work, and he does it again. You think of a wet dog and try to stifle your laugh.

When he does it for a third time, you reach out and brush your fingers through his hair, sweeping it back from his face. He turns into the touch, just slightly.

Someone shrieks out a laugh, and you look up to see one of the girls in the other classes batting lightly at her boyfriend. He murmurs something to her, and her smile grows wider.

Your stomach twists, coiling tight as you watch them banter with each other. The gaps between your ribs seem to grow, until the empty space is what you’re made of.

You want, you want, you want.

You wonder if you’ll ever have.

Takao senses your change in mood but you say nothing, and the two of you separate not long after.

Your father is watering the plants when you come home. They fill the windows of your home, the sun streaming through the verdant leaves, leaving emerald patches of light on the floor, nature’s stained glass.

He’s quietly humming to himself, each note off-key, but he stops as soon as he sees you. He eyes you for a moment.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Nothing,” you say.

“You were better at lying when you were little,” he tells you.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Now what’s wrong?”

You tell him. It spills out of you like an oil slick, coating everything it touches. You tell him about Takao, about the silence, about it all. You hadn’t realized how much the quiet was eating away at your bones.

“So what is it, exactly, that you’re worrying about?” your father asks when you’ve finished. It’s a sharp question, razor-edged, but his eyes are soft.

“What if he’s not my soulmate?” you ask him.

He blinks. “Does that change how you feel about him?”

You take a moment to consider. You think of Takao’s smile, and the way his fingers linger against the palm of your hand when he hands you the erasers to clap; the way he lets you take pieces of his bento, all without a word.

“No,” you say. “I don’t think so.”

“There you go, then.”

“But if he’s not my soulmate—”

“You know the statistics as well as I do,” he says. “If Takao isn’t your soulmate, that doesn’t mean you can’t be with him.”

“They’re waiting,” you whisper.

“That doesn’t mean you have to,” he says gently. “You’re allowed to make your own choice.”

You’re not sure that you are.

“What if he is my soulmate?”

Your father puts down the watering can. You see a flash of his soulmark. It’s blackened, a charred smudge against his skin, and when you glance up at his face, there’s something old in his expression. For a breath, you don’t know him at all.

It’s gone as soon as it came, like a shadow beneath the summer sun. He smiles at you. “Then your mom and I will have to meet him, won’t we?”

You balk.

He laughs, a sound that shimmers in the air. “I’m joking, tadpole,” he says. “And if he is—you’ll figure it out. There’s no point in guessing before you even know.”

You fidget with your sleeve, rubbing your thumb over the fraying hem of it.

There are worse things than losing something you never had, you think.

“Okay,” you say. “Okay.”

But things are easier said than done.

It’s not easy, not with Takao. It’s hard to find the words when you’ve spent so much time living in the space between them.

You find yourself on the rooftop with him during lunch. It’s unseasonably warm, thick puffy clouds sitting high in a robin’s egg blue sky, and you’re sitting side-by-side, close enough to touch. Close enough, but not quite.

Takao hands you some anpan; you give him one of your onigiri, peeling the packaging open for him. He nudges against you, a silent thank you, and something in you breaks.

“This is stupid,” you blurt out, loud enough that a few heads turn your way.

You clap your hand over your mouth immediately.

He blinks, staring at you with his lips parted, and your cheeks start to heat. And then he laughs, the sound like woodfire smoke, billowing out of him in low, slow tones. It sweeps over you, settles on your skin, and though your cheeks heat more the sight of him sparks something in you.

He laughs freely and warmly, his eyes crinkling at the edges. It doesn’t stop; if anything, it flows more strongly, like a river to the ocean. You find yourself swept up in it, laughter bubbling up inside you.

When it spills out of you and joins his, it sounds like a song.

“I cannot believe that’s what you said,” he says, and oh, you’ve ached to hear his voice when it was meant for you. You drink it in, swallow it down, something for you alone. “Of all the things.”

He laughs again, short and sharp with delight, but your smile is wilting, going brittle at the edges.

You finally have Takao, only to lose him a moment later.

You’re not soulmates.

***

It changes things.

You don’t mean for it to happen, but it does. Suddenly, the language between the two of you is different. Too used to speaking without words, neither of you are prepared for actual speech. You stumble over conversation, the words caught in your mouths like pebbles in a wave, spinning over and over until they’re worn down to nothing.

“You’ll figure it out,” Abe says, lounging upside down on your bed, tapping away at her controller, her brow furrowed as she smashes at the buttons. “You just gotta adjust, that’s all.”

You sigh. It’s not something you can explain, really. How one space was filled and another emptied. It leaves something in you aching.

Yoshikawa hums from where she’s sprawled on your floor, barely paying attention to the tv as she hits combo after combo, much to Abe’s annoyance. “Soulmate stuff is weird,” she says. “But it’s up to you.”

“It’s up to him, too,” you remind her. “Not everyone wants to date someone who isn’t their soulmate.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Abe says. “He likes you. It’s kinda gross how much.”

Your cheeks heat. “Shut up.”

She sticks her tongue out at you. “Make me.”

You throw a pillow at her face, relishing her little yelp as she tries to scramble out of the way and almost falls off your bed.

“Brat,” she says, tossing the pillow back. “He does, though. Like you.”

“I know,” you say, something vast filling you.

“Is this about the waiting thing?” Yoshikawa asks, putting down her controller and turning to face you. She hooks her chin over your knee, looking up at you with knowing eyes.

You bite at your bottom lip.

You know the rates better than anyone; you’ve spent your whole childhood hearing a language all its own. Percentages, probabilities, and all manners of complicated academic jargon, all focused on stripping away the whimsy of soulmates.

Your mother has only ever wanted to understand. But in that coveting, that hunger, she pressed understanding upon you as well, until you’re caught up in yourself, a tangled skein, so knotted that the beginning can barely be found.

“What if I do meet them?” you ask. “And they really have been waiting?”

Yoshikawa hums; it reverberates through you. “Dunno,” she says. “But what if you don’t meet them?”

You glare. “Thanks, that’s helpful.”

“Yeah, Yocchan,” Abe pipes up. “Super helpful.”

Yoshikawa tosses another pillow at her. “I don’t see you offering anything!”

“I already said it’ll be fine!”

“No you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did!”

You laugh, the sound light but loud. Your friends pause, looking incredibly pleased with themselves.

“Oh good,” Abe says. “You’re back.”

“What do you mean?” you ask.

“Nothing,” she says, but you think there’s a bit of sadness to her, in the waning moon of her smile. “Are you gonna play with us now?”

She shoves a controller at you and you take it with a huff. “Get ready to lose,” you tell her.

“What else is new?” Yoshikawa asks, moving away from you to grab her own controller again.

“Shut up, Yocchan,” Abe says, scowling. “You’re the worst.”

“Love you too.”

You ignore them both to pick your character, but you can’t help the smile that plays across your lips as they continue to argue with each other. Abe curls herself around you, sticking her tongue out at Yoshikawa. You shift to give her room and your mark catches the light, reflects it back like morning dew.

For a moment you stare down at the words that have already changed your life so much. Sometimes you wonder how much more they can take from you.

“It’s my choice,” you say. You freeze, not having meant to say it out loud, but Yoshikawa just hums, settling warm on your other side

“Yeah,” she says with a little hum. “It is.”

But it isn’t just your choice.

You can’t quite understand Takao’s smile anymore. The nuances are lost in the space between the two of you, a language half-forgotten. The structure is there, but you’ve lost some of the words.

You can’t quite understand his choice, either.

“I’m sorry,” he tells you, a scant few weeks after you realize you aren’t soulmates. The tips of his ears are pink, the color of the early dawn, and his eyes are glassy. “It’s just that—”

“We’re not soulmates,” you finish for him. Your heart is thrumming behind your ribs, a hummingbird battering against its cage. “Right?”

He winces. “Yeah.”

“I didn’t think it would matter.”

Maybe you should have known that it would.

He winces again; his hands tighten on the strap of his school bag. He stares at you, looking helpless, and you hate that you want to cradle his face in your hands. That you want to make it better for him.

“It—”

He cuts himself off. His lip trembles, wobbling like a spinning top, and it comes to you all at once. It’s written in the space between you, in a language you’ve both been speaking for months, one that’s all your own.

Takao’s lying.

“Tell me the truth,” you demand, clenching your fists.

He looks away. “We’re not soulmates,” he says. “That’s all there is to it.”

“Liar.”

“Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” he says. “Please.”

“Then tell me the truth.”

“I’m telling you the truth.”

“Fine,” you say. “Fine.”

When you walk away, he doesn’t come after you.

***

You hide yourself away among the hydrangea bushes that line the library, settling yourself in a sea of powder-blue petals. You curl up, pulling your knees up against your chest, and cry quietly until your uniform skirt is damp.

“Well, that’s not good,” Abe says.

You glance up to see her and Yoshikawa leaning over the hydrangea bushes, looking down at you with tender expressions. You immediately cry harder, starting to sob aloud.

“Oh shit,” Abe says, pushing through the puffball clusters of flowers and dropping to her knees beside you. “Don’t cry, don’t cry, it’s okay.”

“Takao?” Yoshikawa asks.

You nod.

She smiles, sharp and mean. “Abe, stay with her. I’ll be back.”

You shoot to your feet, grabbing her by her uniform sleeve before she can take off. “No!” you yelp. “No, Asako, don’t do anything!”

“Why not? He made you cry.”

“He just—it’s okay.”

“It’s not.”

“He doesn’t want to be with someone who isn’t his soulmate,” you say softly. “That’s…he’s allowed to make that choice.”

She clicks her tongue. “He didn’t strike me as the type.”

“Me either,” you mumble. “I think he’s lying.”

“Why would he lie?” Abe asks, tilting her head.

“Don’t know,” you say. “But it just…it just seemed like he was. Please leave him alone.”

You don’t know how to explain it. You’re not sure you can. It’s a strange little language, the language that forms between two people who haven’t spoken to each other, and you’re not sure anyone who hasn’t created that language between themselves and another could even begin to understand the alphabet of it.

Yoshikawa hums; her sly eyes are narrowed, the deep brown of them darkened to almost black. “Fine. But if he makes you cry again, all bets are off.”

“Yeah,” Abe says, nudging you up to your feet. “And we know where you hide, so no point in trying to keep it from us!”

Your laugh is watery, but it’s light as it leaves your lips.

Abe loops her arm through yours. “Let’s go,” she says. “It’s lunchtime and Yoshikawa has a good bento today.”

“And it’s not for you,” Yoshikawa says lazily, stuffing her hands in her pocket as the three of you start to walk. “So don’t even try it.”

You laugh again and they bicker all the way to the classroom. You’re in the middle of grabbing your own bento when you feel eyes on you and when you look up, Takao startles, looking away quickly. You bite your lip as the tips of his ears go pink once more.

He glances at you again, and his eyes linger on your face. When his lips curl down into a small frown, you realize he knows you’ve been crying. He looks away as the twist of his lips goes pained.

Yoshikawa steps in front of you, blocking your view of him. “C’mon,” she says softly, chivving you towards her desk where Abe is already sitting. “Let’s go.”

You follow her after one last glance in Takao’s direction.

It develops into a routine over the next few weeks. You get used to the feeling of eyes on you all over again. Takao’s gaze feels silken against your skin, and though you shouldn’t, you bask in it. Maybe you’re too used to it; it reminds you of the beginning, when all you had was fleeting looks and quiet gazes.

But now he looks away every time you look up, though his ears always give him away.

Still, there’s a comfort to it. It doesn’t go away, even as you simply circle around each other, caught in each other’s orbit once more. This time, at least, you know that you’ll stay this way.

Except two months after you go your separate ways, you’re assigned to work on a project together.

Your hurt has waned; it’s a healing bruise, now, only flaring to life when you press on it. The hopeful look on Takao’s face barely even causes an ache. You stay in your seat, but he gets to his feet and comes to you as the teacher leaves.

“Hi,” Takao says, fidgeting with the strap of his school bag. “I’m—if you want to switch partners to someone else, I understand.”

“Do you want to switch partners?” you ask.

“Not really,” he blurts out, and this time, his blush is bright, the apples of his cheeks dusted in heated red. “I mean, no. I don’t.”

“Okay,” you say slowly. It feels nice, somehow, looking at him, at his small, timid smile and the way the sun catches golden on his skin. “I guess I’m fine with it.”

“Okay,” he says. “Okay, I’m—I’m glad.”

“Let’s talk after clubs,” you say. “We can figure out our topic then.”

He nods. He stands there for a moment; it’s only when you raise an eyebrow that he jolts and heads back to his desk. When you look over, he’s got his hands pressed against his face. You think you see him mutter “idiot” to himself.

The smile tugs on your lips without you even realizing it.

***

“I miss you,” Takao says, fifteen minutes into your third project session. “I miss you so much.”

You go stiff.

The project has gone well so far. You’ve found yourself falling into easy communication with Takao, but you’ve kept it strictly to the project, rarely going into your lives outside of school. Still, it’s easy in a way it hasn’t been in a while. You find yourself smiling, and sometimes he even makes you laugh.

“Okay,” you say, sounding wooden even to yourself. “I—I don’t know what you want me to say to that.”

He winces. “You don’t have to say anything,” he says.

You mean to say okay, but what you say instead is—

“I miss you too.”

Takao blinks. And then a smile is spreading across his lips, slow like the dawn and just as warm. “Really?” he asks.

Your cheeks heat, but you nod.

“Do you think we can be friends?” he asks, almost shy.

You bite your lip. “I think…I think we can try.”

“I’d like that,” he says softly. “I’d really like that.”

You smile at him, slow and sure. “Me too.”

He smiles back, and the two of you turn back to your project.

You find that it takes time to learn how to be friends with Takao. It’s not like Abe and Yoshikawa with the fluid ease of childhood friends, forged by years and years at each other’s sides, memory after memory built into a firm foundation. Nor is it like your other friends.

Takao seems to inhabit a space all his own. Maybe he always will. It seems right that he would; it doesn’t surprise you that he carved himself a place in your world without even trying.

It takes time. Eventually, even Abe and Yoshikawa warm up to him, until the four of you are spending summer nights together, popsicles melting down your fingers in the heat. You laugh through sticky lips and sit side-by-side despite the heat.

It feels good to have him back in your life, and high school goes by in a whirlwind of seasons, the years melting together until you graduate. He’s by your side when you do ,along with Yoshikawa and Abe, the four of you taking pictures on the school lawn surrounded by your peers.

The four of you spend as much time as you can together before you head off to college, just a few scant weeks after graduating.

It’s easy with Yoshikawa and Abe; the three of you are woven together, a tapestry of home. College is just another stitch, with the three of you attending the same one. You find a cute apartment just off campus, in a slightly worn building with wisteria dripping down the sides like honey. Yoshikawa and Abe like to hang laundry from the balcony; they says it comes back with a floral scent. The dishwasher is broken more often than not, the rooms are tiny, and you love it. So do they, and the three of you build a home together.

With Takao, it’s harder. You drift away from each other in college, pressed in on all sides by classes, studying, and local friends. It feels hard to find the time to breathe, let alone text Takao anything other than a fleeting check-in or a picture of something that reminded you of him.

Unlike before, it feels natural. It isn’t without its edges but they’re dulled, so that they press against your skin instead of cut. He simply fades from your everyday life until the ding of his text message is a surprise instead of a given.

When he walks back into your life in your third year of college, it’s like getting hit by a lightning bolt.

***

The izakaya is tucked away at the edge of the city, sandwiched between two small apartment buildings that have ivy spidering up the side of them. You watch as a sheet billows on a clothesline, rippling like water, the clothespins holding firm despite the strong breeze.

The fat tabby lazing on the edge of the izakaya steps doesn’t even lift its head to look at you. It’s sheltered under a verdant fern frond, part of the little forest of plants clustered around the entrance. Some of the plants are spilling out of their pots, sprawling out in great clusters of leaves, the tiny flowers dotted in them barely visible in the light of the nearby vending machine.

You crouch down by the cat unable to resist, and it blinks itself awake slowly, turning slate gray eyes your way. It sniffs at your knuckles when you reach out to it. It rubs its cheek against your hand once, and then gets to its feet, stretching mightily as your friends laugh from just inside the entrance. You try to pet it again but it pointedly turns away and curls up again under the frond, further in than before, a little forest deity hidden amid lush scenery.

You stare at it for a moment longer, looking at how its cheeks squish up against its paws.

“Pouting doesn’t affect Momo,” someone behind you says.

You look up, and then go still.

“Hi,” Takao says, warm like the early morning sun. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” you say, as if he hasn’t knocked the breath from you. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been good. You?”

“Are we really going to do this?” you ask, standing up from your awkward crouch.

He smiles, and you think he might be swallowing down a laugh. “Do what?”

You scowl at him. “You know what,” you say. “The small talk.”

“It’s polite.”

“Is that your main concern? Politeness?”

This time, he does laugh, low and sweet. “No,” he says, his eyes glittering. “You are.”

Your cheeks heat. “You can’t just say that.”

“Just did,” he says. “Are—are you here by yourself?”

“With friends.”

“Do you think I could steal you away for a drink?”

“Yeah,” you say softly. “I think you can.”

He smiles at you. “Good.”

He ushers you into the izakaya. It’s warm inside despite the open windows, and the scent of fried food lingers in the air. People’s chatter fills the room up to the rafters, little laughs peppered in like champagne sounds, little pops of joy. There’s another cat curled up on a barstool tucked away in a corner, a ball of white fluff that makes you think of dandelions.

Yoshikawa sees you first; when she sees Takao behind you, she raises a single elegant brow before turning back to your group of friends. She says something with a lazy roll of her shoulders, and suddenly, all of your friends are trying very hard to not look at the entrance.

“Oh my god,” you mutter.

Takao laughs, the huff of air stirring against your nape. “They’re pretty obvious,” he says. “Should we go say hi?”

“Later,” you say.

He follows you to the bar. He’s close, and under the scent of fried food you can make out the faintest hint of his woodsy cologne.

You sit side by side, close enough to feel each other’s warmth but without touching. The bartender brings you your beers, and you look to Takao as he taps the neck of his bottle against yours.

“It’s so good to see you,” he breathes, his dark eyes soft.

“Yeah,” you say. “It is.”

One drink turns into two until you’re both sliding closer to each other in your seat, pressing into each other’s sides. You barely keep yourself from curling into him. He leans in close when you’re speaking, so that his voice is rumbling low in your ear.

You share some takoyaki and then one of the biggest okonomiyaki you’ve ever seen, the pancake stuffed to the brim with filling and heavily topped. When the food arrives, so does the white cat, meowing quietly at your feet as it winds its way around the rungs of your barstool. Takao holds you steady when you lean down to pet it, his hand firm on your lower back.

By your third beer, Yoshikawa and the rest of your friend group leaves. She gives you a little wave on her way out the door.

“Sorry,” Takao says. “I didn’t mean to take up your whole night.”

“It’s okay,” you say. “It’s been…really nice.”

“Just nice?”

“Great,” you admit. “It’s been great.”

He smiles, and it’s that same dandelion fluff smile you remember, sweet and fleeting.

“Good,” he says, taking a sip from his beer. You watch the way his forearm flexes. “Listen, do you want to meet up again?”

“Yeah, I would.”

His eyes crinkle. “Great,” he says.

You bite down on your smile.

The two of you finish your beers between lazy chatter. It’s comfortable, as if you never fell out of touch.

When you leave, Takao waits as you pet the white cat once more, delicately bumping your knuckles against its cheek as it rumbles out a purr. It meows pitifully when you stop, opening its blue, blue eyes with a disgruntled look on its face, and you laugh to yourself, kneeling to give it a few more pets.

You look for the tabby as you exit the izakaya but it’s gone, likely curled up amid some of the planters further back. You and Takao both stop at the sidewalk, carefully making sure you’re out of the way of any pedestrians, and for a moment, you just look at each other.

“See you soon?” Takao asks.

“Yeah,” you say. “See you soon.”

“Good,” he breathes, with his eyes so soft that it makes your cheeks warm.

You say goodbye, and each of you heads home. When you glance back Takao is already looking back at you from the street corner. You give him a little wave, and he jolts before hurrying off.

You smile your whole way home.

***

“It’s so hot,” you complain, flopping down next to Takao on the park bench. “Can we go to the conbini?”

“Popsicles?” he asks.

“No, I want onigiri.”

He raises a brow. “How does that help with the heat?”

“It doesn’t,” you tell him. “The aircon does.”

He laughs. “Oh, of course.”

You head to the closest conbini, practically swimming through the humid summer air. The air is so thick that you could cut it; there’s rain on the horizon, promised in the encroaching gray-blue clouds hanging low in the sky.

Inside it’s blessedly cool, the aircon hard at work. The two of you scour the aisles, picking out varying snacks and pointing out new flavors to each other—you try to make him buy a cream stew Gari Gari Kun popsicle, but he refuses—before you head to the cashier.

You settle in at one of the tables, opening your drink as Takao unwraps one of your onigiri, handing it to you before he busies himself with his own food. He gives you a little swat when you reach out for his snacks, making you retract your hand with a laugh. As you pull back, you wonder when the two of you fell back into rhythm.

It’s close to the one you had in high school, but not the same. There’s something new twining through the rhythm, a swirl of notes that resonates through you. It’s an easy flow, a soft ebb and tide, like the calmest of seas.

“Hey,” Takao says gently.

“Hmm?”

“Where did you go, just then?”

You blink and take a sip of your peach tea. It lingers sweet on your tongue as you meet his stoic gaze. His mouth tilts, just slightly, something tucked up secret in the corner of his soft lips.

For a moment, you just look at him. He meets your gaze easily; he lets you look your fill, as patient as ever.

“Sorry,” you say. “Nowhere important.”

“Okay.”

You shake your head. “You’re so—” you break off.

“I’m so?”

You bite at your lip. “You,” you say. “You’re so you.”

His smile is small, but it grows, as steady and sure as the sun’s rise.

“I hope so,” he says, almost flippant, but there’s something soft in his gaze; it brushes over you like silk.

“Shut up,” you tell him.

He just laughs, quiet and low.

The two of you chat as you eat, talking about Yoshikawa’s upcoming art show at a trendy new gallery. You’ve been waiting patiently ever since the curator first picked her up as a featured artist. It’ll be nice to go with Takao, for the four of you to be side-by-side again, something that’s becoming as constant as it was in your high school days.

When you’re finished Takao takes all the wrappers and folds them up neatly, creasing them until they’re practically origami. You bite down on your smile.

The summer air rolls over you as you step back into it, licking across your skin as only wet heat can. You shudder with it.

Still you meander through the nearby park, ducking beneath low-hanging branches hanging heavy with fruit, the citrus of them permeating the air. It’s quiet, with just the distant shouts of the playground and the whisper of the leaves in the stirring breeze to accompany you both.

You find yourself at the koi pond without meaning to and Takao wordlessly heads to the food meter as you settle yourself on the rock wall that edges the pond. The surface ripples, orange and gold scales muted in the murky water like a sunset covered by clouds. You trail your fingertips over the surface, and giggle as they mouth at them.

Takao presses some feed into your palm when he comes back; the heat of him lingers there. Your mark glimmers in the light as you toss in the feed, a needlepoint flash of silver. You can feel Takao’s eyes on it. But then the koi come up in great, arcing splashes, the quiet pond roiling like the angry sea in their fervor, and you laugh as you dodge the worst of it.

Takao chuckles, and he settles down next to you to hand you the last of the feed.

You curl into him despite the heat, skin against skin, a slick slide of a touch before you fall still. The koi are still churning up the water, their gaping mouths breaking through the surface, and you give them what they want. Scales flicker by, a mesmerizing firework show caught beneath the surface, and so it catches you off guard when Takao suddenly says—

“I’m sorry.”

You go still.

“For what?”

He shifts beside you; when you glance at him, he’s staring into the distance, his dark eyes caught on something that only he can see.

“For high school.”

You breathe out through your nose. “So you’ve said.”

“I was scared.”

“So you’ve said,” you repeat.

He glances at you, then, and his eyes remind you of the vastness of the unending night sky, dark and glittering.

“I’m not scared anymore.”

You suck in a sharp breath. He waits, ever patient.

“Me neither,” you say, curling your pinky around his, twining around him like thread.

He cups your cheek, his touch almost reverent, and presses his forehead to yours. “Okay?” he asks.

“Okay,” you breathe.

He leans in and kisses you. It’s careful and sweet.

It feels like coming home.

He breaks the kiss when you’ve stolen each other’s breath away.

“Our soulmates—” he starts.

“It doesn’t matter,” you say breathlessly, kissing him again. He’s smiling against your lips. Warmth floods you. You love him, you love him, you love him. That’s all there is. That’s all you need.

“It doesn’t matter,” you say again.

He presses his forehead against yours. “You’re right,” he says. “It doesn’t.”

Until suddenly, it does.

***

You and your soulmate—Shinsuke, you think, still tasting the honey of it on your tongue, Shinsuke Shinsuke Shinsuke—watch each other.

The only sound is the steady fall of the rain.

It’s picked up again, sending the hydrangeas eddying, spinning in a lazy current as their puffball blossoms catch the droplets. More petals flutter to the ground. The blue of them is stark against the dirt, and you think of what a storm leaves in its wake.

Shinsuke lets out a deep, slow breath, and you wince. His amber eyes have dimmed and the last of his smile has washed away, leaving just the dregs of emotion behind, too faint for you to read.

You feel too small for your skin; your heart is fluttering, a hummingbird thing, trying to press through the gaps in your ribcage. You take in a shallow breath. It tastes of the earth, of drenched soil and summer heat. You choke on it.

Shinsuke’s brow furrows as you take in another breath, even shallower than the last, and your heart is thrumming, and his eyes are so sharp, so knowing, so kind. You’re caught in the amber of them, the resin of his gaze pouring over you.

Even the rain seems quiet now.

His lips part.

Your ribs start to crack; your heart thumps harder against them. Too strong, too fast, too loud.

His lips part, and you do the only thing you can.

“I’m sorry,” you gasp.

You run.

#kita x reader #kita shinsuke x reader #hq!! x reader #haikyuu x reader #bee writes hq!!#.kita #.lbgtm #q

341 notes · View notes