#kita hurt/comfort

[doingitforbokuto]

The White Knight - Chapter Two

-> KNIGHT!KITA SHINSUKE X PRINCESS!READER

-> Previous Chapter

-> Series Masterlist

Summary: Although the search for your future husband has been put on hold, you still feel like your whole life you are being pushed around by the men in your life. None of them truly care about what you want.. except for one.

Words: 3,594

Warnings: mentions of blood and death, talks of arranged marriage

Your Point Of View 

From the end of the hallway, you could see your brother standing in front of your bedroom door. It had gotten dark out and you decided it was time to leave the gardens and retire for the night. Your maid was already making her way to the kitchen to fetch your dinner and prepare a tea that the royal physician promised would help you sleep better through the night. 

Of course, there was no knight with your brother. The only thing by his side was his sword. He still enjoyed the privilege of only being guarded when it was actually needed.

None of your previous guards had been assigned to follow you wherever you went. When they were with you, they were supposed to keep you safe and what was the point of keeping you safe inside the walls of your own home? It was the general consensus at court that only the king was to be guarded day and night. You have had knights who protected you when you left the castle or when you went to a big gathering like the feasts your father would hold on special occasions. But when no one other than the inhabitants of the castle were around, you had been free to spend your time without a knight by your side. After all, there were enough people that made sure that the castle was guarded and it was thought that no one who could harm you could make their way in. 

That was until the last time your father had called together possible suitors for you, the only princess of the kingdom. Two of them had fought in the throne room, in front of theit king - a thing no one had seen coming. Your father was adamant about keeping the peace and keeping troublesome folks out of his castle. Of course there had been times when some of the men gathered at court had tried to settle their differences with a fight, but all of those fights had been caused by political differences or because someone had been insulted. This had been the first time that it had happened because of you. It scared both of you, your father and you. But the decision to tighten the circle drawn around you still hadn't been yours. 

All your life, you had noticed the circle your family drawn around you. It limited all of your freedom. All of the space you had been allowed to explore. Where you could go. What you could do. Who you were allowed to talk to. And now, what you were allowed to do on your own - which was practically nothing. 

Kita was supposed to be around you all the time. He had little time off, during the night and in the morning, someone else looked after your safety. Then, when you had woken up, gotten dressed and had your breakfast, he would start his duties for the day. He would only leave you for a little while to eat his lunch while you ate yours with your family, surrounded by your father’s guards. Kita would stay with you until you went back to your chambers to retire for the night, which was where you were going right now. 

Your brother's eyes found yours and even from a distance, you could see curiosity glimmering in them. They moved from you to Kita, then back to you. Of course, he was here to interrogate you about the newest addition of royal knights. 

“Ethan,” you nodded to greet him. 

“My prince,” Kita bowed behind you. 

Your brother smiled at the two of you. Oh, he was so going to ask you about him. “I've been waiting for you.” You wished you could just wipe that grin off his face. “I just wanted to talk to you for a bit. Why don't we go inside?” 

He gestured towards the wooden door that rarely anyone other than you and your maids passed. He let you step in first and turned around to face Kita before following you.

“I think the princess is safe enough with me around. Why don't you go and find the night guard and then retire for the day, Sir Kita?” 

Your knight glanced past your brother's figure to you, the slightest hesitation visible in his expression. 

“It's alright, Sir Kita. I will see you tomorrow.” You gave him a reassuring smile without even wanting to. 

Normally, you made sure that there was a certain distance between you and your knights. The last thing you ever wanted to do was make them believe that you were a woman who was interested in anything other than a practical relationship with her knight. It was your duty to marry a lord your father would pick out for you, so there was no point in searching for love and romance anywhere else. Though you were sure that a lot of the stories of ladys you knew being intimate with their knights while being married to someone else were true, that was not what you wanted to be. It was a princess’ duty to make sure she was respected and to make sure that there was no reason for every people to gossip about or speak lowly of her. 

So that was why you always made sure to be a little distanced from your knights. But with Kita, you couldn't help but feel more at ease. It was obvious that he was one of the few people who believed in their duty, who wanted to serve and better their kingdom and lived for the things they believed in, who thought honor and duty to be above anything. He wouldn't make an inappropriate move on you - you hoped. So it was alright to show him a little softness, right? Especially after the scare you gave him earlier today, you still felt a little bad for him and didn't want him to feel like he was failing at his duty once again. 

With your reassurance, he bowed again and moved to leave you while your brother closed the door to your bedroom. 

“So,” he smirked. “Heard he's a scaredy cat.” 

You rolled your eyes at his comment and made your way to the table you normally ate at. “You people will twist someone's words to fit your gossip.” 

You took two cups from the middle of the table and poured a little wine into each one. 

“Not at all.” Ethan stepped behind you and accepted one of the cups from your hands. “It's just a bit unusual to hear a knight admit that he's scared of dying. Makes him sound like he'll run away from a fight instead of protecting you.” The mischievous gleam was now gone from his eyes and replaced with a serious expression you rarely saw on your brother's face during a private conversation. “Do you really believe that he is the right man to protect you?” 

“I know what you're thinking. What you're all thinking.” You shot him a warning look over the edge of your cup. “But I don't know any of the men father has picked out to be my knight. I can't trust any of them completely.” 

“Of course not,” Ethan huffed. “But why would you pick out the one man who admits that he is scared to die? Why not pick someone who is ready to fight and die for you if need be?” 

“What, like the other one's I've had?” A pained look crossed your brother's face when you said that. “The last ones I've had were just like that, ready to jump into a fight head first - and jump they did. Jumped and left me defenseless.” You looked at the floor and felt like you could still see a puddle of blood by your feet. “I want someone who won't get himself killed in front of my eyes. That might be him. And I don't think that he's someone who will run away from his duty. Do you?" 

Your brother sighed and pulled out a chair to sit down. “I don't know, y/n. I really don't know. All I know is that so far all of your knights have done nothing but bring more harm to you. I do not want to see you suffer like that again.” 

You sat down next to him. It surprised you that he was expressing his concerns for you this freely. Your brother loved you, of course he did. You knew that - he was your brother after all. But usually, he would tease you and poke a little fun at you, like most siblings do. Your conversations were funny and light hearted. It was rare for him to talk to you so seriously about such a sensitive topic. You weren't even aware that he knew how much you had been suffering because of the deaths of the other knights. It was nice to know that at least someone other than Alysane really cared about your wellbeing. 

“I know some other good knights that would make a good protector and could replace him if needed.  Just promise me that you'll tell me if you feel like he isn't the right man for you, alright?” 

“ ‘The right man for me’? I think father is already taking care of that,” you chuckled, though it came out dry and humorless. 

“You know what I mean.” He gave you a stern look. “Anyway, father put the search for a husband on hold for now. I think he's worried about more fights breaking out. So you have to wait for that man anyway.” 

Your fingers traced the edge of your cup. Would this be your escape one day? You've seen more than one woman succumb to the numbing properties of wine after getting married. 

“I don't want any of them, Ethan,” you whispered.” None of them care about what I want. Father doesn't care about what I want. No one cares about what I want.” You had no idea what possessed you to say this to him, but it felt like you were just desperately trying to push a huge weight off of your shoulders. 

“That's not true. You know that that's not true.” 

“Oh, really? When has he ever consulted me in the search for my husband? Not once has he asked me what I want in a husband! All that he cares about is a good political match.” This was why you never talked about serious topics with your brother. Never did he understand you! 

“He is the king. He has to keep the peace. That is his duty and the duty of the whole royal family. He did his duty when he made peace after the uprising in the east. I did my duty when I fought in a war for our house. Now it is time for you to do yours.” 

The tone in his voice was harsh and cold, letting you know that it was best not to talk back. He lifted his cup to his lips before emptying it in one go and slamming it back onto the table. 

“Think about that while you can.” With that, he pushed himself up and strode out of the room.

Perhaps you were wrong. Perhaps there really was no one but Alysane who cared about your wellbeing.

You followed your brother's example and emptied your cup in one go. It left a bitter taste in your mouth. You should probably ask your maid to bring you a different one.

-

The next day, Kita walked suspiciously close to you as he accompanied you to the garden once again. He was on edge and shot you side glances every few seconds. Every now and then, you would catch his hand moving out of the corner of your eye whenever you strayed a bit away from him, almost like he wanted to reach out and hold onto you. Of course, he would never dare and actually touch you unless his duties required it of him, but right now you felt like he wanted to make sure you didn't get lost, like he wanted to make sure that you were still next to him.

On any other man, that kind of behavior might have made you feel unsafe and on edge, but with him, it was different. It was obvious that he didn't mean to be possessive or to touch you inappropriately - after all, he didn't even touch you. All he wanted to do was not lose you. And the fact that he was doing this was probably a consequence of your own actions from the day before.

You knew better than to leave your guards' side. More than once you had witnessed knights being punished for leaving their charge unattended. It was their job - their sworn duty - to give their all, even their life if need be, to make sure they were safe. If they failed, the consequences would be dire. You knew that. You knew all of that. And on any other occasion, you would have been more attentive but having a knight with you in the royal garden.. that was an entirely new experience to you. You truly had just forgotten that he was even supposed to be with you. Today, you would make sure it didn't happen again.

The tea you had tried yesterday did not help you sleep at all. If anything, it made you stay up longer because you were so desperately trying to fall asleep. Maybe it didn't help as much because the herbs in it were already dried two years ago? Perhaps picking fresh herbs and making a new tea would help you.

Deep down, you knew, of course, that that was just wishful thinking. There was no tea to help you, no meal or drink that could make the images of death and blood dissappear from your mind. They were engraved into your memory forever and you could never get rid of them. But perhaps wandering around the garden and busying yourself with the searching, picking and drying of the herbs would keep you distracted from those thoughts. 

As you strolled through the gardens you let the sun warm your face. Every now and then you would stop and just let its rays catch on your cheeks. The sun bathed the flowers and plants that had just started to grow after the end of winter in a beautiful light. Little bees and butterflies were busy flying from one flower to another and you could hear the quiet hum of their wings as the passed by you. It felt like everything around you was coming back to life. It almost made you angry. 

Why did everything around you have to be so alive, so happy and free while you were being locked away? Why did every little bee and mosquito get to fly wherever they wanted but you, princess of the kingdom, were doomed to stay inside the castle walls forever? Only to be shipped off to the man who would kiss your father's arse the best! Why you, why did it have to be you?! And why didn't anyone see how you were suffering! 

Without even meaning to, you had started to just rip out the herbs that were growing in front of you. The basket you had placed on the ground beside your knees to keep the plants you had already picked up bumped against your arm when you ripped our fresh flowers only to throw them onto the ground next to where you kneeling. Intuitively, you gripped the handle of the basket and slammed the poor thing into the flowerbed where is dug into the soft ground and took the last few flowers down with it. 

All of the pretty blossoms were smushed, covered in dirt and ripped from their stems. You had beheaded the little ones in front of you and tossed their bodies around until there was nothing left. No more blossoms for the bees to sit on and get their legs covered with pollen by. None for the butterflies to drink from. None for the ants to wander up and down on. None were left. And it was all your fault. Everything was your fault. You were all alone, and it was all your fault.

Your tears had started flowing down your face all on their own and now you couldn't stop them. Your chest heaved with heavy sobs. All you wanted to do was bring back the flowers you had destroyed. You were sorry, so sorry for what you did. It wasn't their fault that these things were happening to you, you were just so irritated and tired and frustrated with everyone and everything around you that you took out all of that frustration on them. And as you got more and more lost in those thoughts, you had destroyed every lovely thing around you until you were all alone. 

Your hands started wiping at your face, at your eyes and your nose, trying to wipe off the tears and snot that was dripping down towards your chin. A hand started to move into your blurry field of vision, revealing a small handkerchief. 

“Here, princess. Take this.”

Kita was kneeling next to you on one knee. One hand was on his propped up knee, the other one was still holding the handkerchief he had just offered to you. His face was calm but you could tell that he was really just trying to keep his facade up as to not upset you any more. If he was angry or sad, you could not tell.

“Thank you..” You couldn't bring your voice to rise above a whisper but he didn't seem to care as he gently placed the cloth in your hand. It was much softer than you had imagined a knight's handkerchief to be and you couldn't help but wonder if a woman had gifted it to him. 

The same hand that had given you the handkerchief was now picking up your sad, little basked. The handle was broken and a few of the wooden strands were sticking out from the sides, but it was still usable. Kita carefully brushed off some of the dirt and started placing the flowers in it that weren't completely broken. His hands were big and rough from the work he did, but they still moved quickly and carefully, not one flower was crushed in between his calloused fingers. Watching him work his way through the battlefield of plants you had left behind was almost calming. It was a shame you didn't get to see him pick flowers more often. Perhaps in another life, he was a gardener. Or maybe even a farmer. 

After he was done, he placed the basket back where it stood before you decided to punish it for things it didn't even do. 

“What can I do, princess?” 

Dumbfounded, you just stared back at him, half of your face still hidden by the now dirty handkerchief. His eyes seemed to pierce into yours, like they were trying to look deep into your mind. It was too much for you to face. “Do?” 

“You're..  upset. I want to know what I can do to help you.” 

“Oh,” you gave him a sad smile while still avoiding his eyes. “Don't worry about it. It is nothing that you have to protect me from, no one is trying to harm me.” 

“I am your knight, princess. It is my duty to protect you from whatever harm may come to you. Physical or otherwise.” He looked at you with genuine worry now. “Please, tell me what it is that is wrong. Or merely tell me what to do to make it better.” 

He was really serious about this. He didn't just want to jump in front of a blade for you, he wanted to make sure you were safe. In every sense of the word. Even when it was out of his hands. 

“..there is nothing you can do to help me.” You fiddled with the cloth in your hands. “I'm sorry I worried you. It's just..” what were you even doing? There was nothing this knight could do for you, to truly help you. There was nothing anyone could do for you. “I'm just really tired,” you smiled. “I get upset when I can't sleep well, that's all. I've been trying all kinds of things to help me sleep but nothing does.” 

He could see right through you. You could see it in your eyes, he was reading you like an open book. You both knew that what you just said was a lie, that your insomnia wasn't the true catalyst of your outburst but thankfully, he decided to play along. 

“My grandmother has shown me an herb or two that she likes to mix into her tea blends to drink before bed.” He rose back to his full hight. His broad shoulders cast a shadow over your face and stopped the sun from blinding you as you looked up at him. A few stray hairs stuck up from the sides of his face, ones you'd never noticed if the sun hadn't been shining right onto him. He offered you a hand to help you stand up. “Let me show them to you, my princess.” 

His hand felt rough under your soft skin as you settled your hand into his palm. It made you dizzy how smoothly and quickly he pulled you back up to your feet, like he had been waiting his whole life just to do that. 

-> Next Chapter

#kita #kita shinsuke #kita x reader #kita x you #kita x y/n #kita shinsuke x reader #kita shinsuke x you #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #kita shinsuke x y/n #haikyuu!! #haikyuu imagine #kita imagine #kita shinsuke imagine #kita haikyuu #kita comfort #haikyuu comfort #kita shinsuke comfort #kita shinsuke fluff #kita hurt/comfort #kita shinsuke hurt/comfort #kita x reader comfort #kita x you comfort

[sexyandcringe]

[04:25 PM]

Your boyfriend got you a bouquet.

Today is not Valentines day, nor is it your birthday. Why did he get you a bouquet then?

You're confused, you ask him what's the special occasion. "Just because." he replies.

"What do you mean "just because"?"

"Because i love you, so giving you stuff and seeing you happy makes me happy."

You stare at him, a little shocked, mouth slightly open as you rethink of your ex who, in the three years of dating, got you exactly 2 plastic roses only for every Valentines day (he didn't get them in your last year of dating because that night he was out drinking with his friends while you were crying in your miserable home).

"I'm- i, thank you so much, my love." you hug him tight as you feel your eyes watering. "Really, you have no idea how much this means for me."

Finding your boyfriend in this generation was a miracle for you, since you didn't really expect anyone to like you other than your ex, but you were so wrong. Your boyfriend told you his heart skipped a beat the day he met you and sometimes it still does because he can't comprehend how someone as gorgeous as you came into his life and made it hundred times better.

"I love you." you say. You mean it with your whole soul.

"I love you more." he says, and your inner child, the child who grew up without love - or with a fake love - who was never enough, starts to feel safe.

Reblogs are really appreciated!

#haikyuu x reader #sakusa x reader #haikyuu fluff #osamu miya x reader #sakusa comfort #msby x reader #Osamu comfort #atsumu miya x reader #Atsumu comfort #Suna x reader #Suna comfort #Kuroo x reader #Kuroo comfort #Haikyuu hurt comfort #Osamu fluff #Kita shinsuke x reader #Ushijima x reader #Haikyuu comfort #Haikyuu x brown reader #Haikyuu x desi reader

[itszazouu]

You're enough (kita shinsuke x reader who got rejected from an university)

characters : timeskip! Kita Shinsuke x gneutral reader

genre : hurt/comfort

warnings : mention of academic rejection, crying, throwing up, self doubt, mental break down

a/n : hi guys, well my application for my dream university recently got rejected, so I guess writting a scenario with my sweet boy Shinsuke is my way to cope, hope you'll like it ♡

as you are in an established relationship with Kita Shinsuke, one day you receive a response from an application you sent to your dream university, unfortunately this isn't the aswer you were hoping for

You can’t believe it. No, it is not possible. 

As you look at your laptop screen in your darkening living room, you feel your eyes filling with tears. You just received a response for an application from your dream university. 

     Hello, this is x university,  We are sorry but considering the requirements of our institution and your profile, we regret to inform you that you are not eligible and you can’t come to study in our university.  The final result will be communicated in a few weeks, and we hope that you will be able to continue your studies in another institution.  

You really can’t believe it, you feel your heart collapsing in your chest. Your blood is turning cold and your hands are shaking. Why is it happening to you ? You’ve worked so hard. Many restless nights and stressful days were sacrificed in order to prepare yourself for this. And yet, it isn’t enough. You fear the disappointment of your parents, your friends and Shinsuke.

Oh god, what are you going to tell Shinsuke ? He was so supportive and comforting towards you during your worst days. When you were insecure of your capacities and convinced that you won’t make it. He’s going to be so disappointed and it’s all your fault. Because of your own incompetence. You can’t face him right now, not during this breakdown. Even though you trust him with your whole heart, you don’t want to rely on him and bother him too much. 

You feel lost, Shinsuke isn’t here, he’s still working in the rice fields as the summer days grow longer. You’re alone in your shared house as the sun is setting. You stand up abruptly, as you’re feeling like throwing up. You make your way quickly to the bathroom and empty your guts in the toilet. Your anxiety makes you sick, like literally, you can’t stand it anymore.

You cry uncontrollably as you sit on the bathroom floor. You’re all alone and it’s like your world is crumbling. All your future plans and aspirations were whipped away by a simple email. 

You’re still crouched on the bathroom floor and you’re beginning to feel overwhelmed. Your breathing is uneven and you feel like you’re going to faint. You hear the front door open, crap Shinsuke is already back and you haven’t processed the news correctly. You need to regain composure very quickly.

You try to muffle your sobs as you discern the loving voice of your boyfriend from the living room.

“y/n, darling are you there ?” Shinsuke says lightly, looking for you through the house after an exhausting day. 

You don’t respond and Kita starts to feel worried. Where could you be ? You didn’t tell him that you were going to be out. He tries again, with a more concerned voice “y/n, sweetheart you’re home ? Where are you ?” 

You perceive the concern but most of all the exhaustion in his voice. And you can’t help but feel guilty. You are hiding from him, even though he must have a very tiring day and you don’t want to upset him even more. So, to avoid him starting to look for you, you respond in the most persuasive voice you can manage right now  “In the bathroom Shin, I’ll be there in a minute.” 

“Hm, okay, I’ll start making dinner then” announces Kita from the kitchen. Good, it doesn’t seem like he’s suspicious of your behavior. Giving you time to clear your mind for a bit. 

You decide to snap out of it and go greet him. Enough is enough and you can’t avoid him forever. You pass some water on your face in order to freshen up a bit and soothe your red eyes. As you make your way towards the kitchen, you hear the rumbling of the oven and the sound of the knife against the cutting board. Shinsuke must be halfway through the process of preparing dinner. You enter the room and meet his back. He’s wearing his black apron and currently cutting vegetables. 

You’re frozen, he seems so peaceful and unbothered. Following his routine, making dinner just after he comes back from work. 

You know that as soon as you’re going to tell him your failure, his exhausting day is going to be worse.  

He turns himself toward the stove and notices your presence. You see the exhaustion in his eyes and you feel tears wind up to your eyes once again. God, you're tired of this. But you can’t cry right now, you can’t break your composure in front of Shinsuke. 

Your unstable state doesn’t go unnoticed by Kita.

“Love, are you feeling okay ?” Shinsuke says as he makes his way towards you, wiping his hands against his apron. 

This is it, you can’t hold it anymore, his worried eyes and his sweet and loving voice make you burst out into tears. You can’t breathe and you feel strong arms encircling you in a warm and loving hug. 

“y/n, what is wrong, tell me love, what happened ? I can’t help you if you’re not telling me what is wrong.” says Shinsuke in an hesitant voice, as he slowly begins to pannick. The always calm and logical man starts to feel a little overwhelmed as he sees your current distress. However, he tries to remain calm for your well being. 

You speak incoherently, your cries muffled by Kita’s chest, defined by his past volleyball practice and his current work in the fields. “I’m sorry Shin, shit I’m so sorry… forgive me please, I’m a failure…” You tighten your grip on your boyfriend shirt, as your life depends on it.

“What are you saying, darling… love, y/n, what happened, you’re worrying me.” Kita tries to soothe you as his large hands draw circles on your back. “Calm down, y/n, I need you to calm down and tell me what is wrong, otherwise I won’t be able to help you.”  He cups your cheeks, kisses them to prevent the tears from falling more, and leads you towards the sofa in the living room. 

You rest your head in the crook of Kita’s neck. He pats your head gently and tries to appease your crying. “I’m here love, are you feeling better ?”  Shinsuke asks worriedly. 

“No, but I owe you an explanation” you straighten a bit to face him and you almost burst into tears once again. He looks at you with such adoration and worries that your heart aches.

He furrows his eyebrows but listens anyway. “I was rejected from the university. I’m sorry you helped me so much and still couldn’t make it, I’m not good enough, you must be so disappointed, I sor-” 

“y/n, stop, calm down !” Kita stops your rambling by grasping your shoulders and raising his voice, which is uncharacteristically of him. 

“Look, first of all you need to breathe, can you do that for me ?”  You nod and tilt your head backward to prevent more tears from falling. Looking at the ceiling, you try to control your breath, as Shinsuke keeps caressing your back in a soothing way. 

Shinsuke brushes your cheek gently and speaks again “Good,now that you’re a bit calmer, I’m so sorry that your application got rejected. I know how much you wanted to go to this school, but it’s okay. You’re enough, you’re brilliant and you’ll be able to go to another university and be excellent in it.” He pampers your face with kisses. And in between each kiss he whispers sweet reassurance to you. “You’re *kiss* more *kiss* than *kiss* enough my love *kiss*.” 

You cry once again but this time because of the relief you feel from the reaction of your boyfriend. “Do you really mean it ? Are you sure ? Because I feel so lost right now Shinsuke, I don’t know what I am going to do. On the other hand, you seem perfectly sure of your future and I feel so shitty besides you. I’m sorry to bother you with this, you must be exhausted from your day.” You try to calm yourself and Kita grabs both of your hands to place kisses on your palm. 

“y/n darling, no matter how far I am in my life, what matters now is you. You’re as capable as me to achieve your goals and you must be proud of yourself, just see how far you’ve come since we left highschool, hm ?” Shinsuke affirms as he plants a tender kiss on your temple. 

You nod as you never felt more grateful to have him as your boyfriend. Just by the way he always supports you and cares for you no matter how much you fail, he’s always there. You love him. Just as much he loves you. Showing his love in everyday actions, in words affirmation and always touching you with so much care and love.

“I love you so much y/n, never forget that, I’m so proud of you and I’ll always be, never doubt it.” He hugs you once again, placing your face in the crook of his neck, and pats your head, waiting patiently for you to calm your cries.

Once your breathing is a little bit steadier, he kisses you and locks his eyes with yours. “Do you want to eat dinner now or would you rather lay down for a bit in our room, it’s up to you darling.”  

You respond with a sore voice from all your crying “I would like to stay here with you holding me for a little longer if you don’t mind it.”  Kita holds you, and as he places you on his lap to hug you better, mutters “Of course darling, we can stay there as long as you want, I’m not going anywhere.”

You kiss him gently, and sigh finally at peace with yourself. Because you know that Shinsuke will be there. He will be there with you during this difficult journey in order to accept your failures, and move on towards better opportunities, even if it seems so difficult right now.

#haikyuu #haikyuu x you #haikyu x reader #haikyu x y/n #kita shinsuke #kita haikyuu #kita timeskip #inarizaki #hurt #haikyū!! #haikyu hurt/comfort #kita x reader #kita x you #kita x y/n #kita comfort #haikyu fluff #haikyu

[luminouschaotic]

give me a minute has so many good arankita angst anthems

#have i listened to i knew while writing hurt no comfort. maybe #lizzy mcalpine #haikyuu #kita shinsuke #aran ojiro #arankita #el rambles

[emmyrosee]

Kita shinsuke gets confused after you start dating.

It’s not like it’s been a long time, far from it, but you felt so comfortable in his everyday life that he stops thinking too hard about your interactions.

You reach for his hand, he takes it. You shiver, he gives you his jacket. You’re hungry, he shares his snacks.

He gives you a compliment, you… hate him?

You must. There it is, in capital letters under his own blue text: OFBEOD KITAAAA I HATE YOU FRRR😭😭

His heart races as he rereads the text over and over again, unsure of what he could’ve possibly said to have you say ‘I hate you.’

Whatever it is, he needs to find a way to apologize.

The idea of upsetting you in a way he barely understands is concerning, it makes him extremely saddened, and he picks up his pace to get to practice.

He’s sure there’s someone there that can help him decipher your distress.

Leave it to the two twins, tying their shoes in sync, to be the first ones to notice his stress.

“Kita-San?” Osamu asks, brows furrowing. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” atsumu continues. “You’re late- you’re NEVER late.”

“And you look like you’re about to upchuck.”

Lovely.

“Osamu, Atsumu,” he says, breath shaky as the twins turn to look up at him. “You’re… familiar with relationships, yes?”

“Well he’s been single since birth-“

“HEY!”

“-but I’ve got a little bit of knowledge. What’s up?”

Kita gnaws on his lip before he passes the phone to the grey haired twin, showing him your sudden outburst of hatred towards him. Osamu quirks a confused brow as his eyes glaze over the text, the blonde twin quickly popping on his feet to peer over Osamu’s shoulder to read along.

Osamu flicks his eyes from his phone up to Kita, “what am I looking at?”

“She hates me,” he says, a frightened lilt in his tone. “And I don’t know what I do. I don’t know what I did,or said, or how I can fix this. And I…” he takes a breath in to calm down, “I need your help.”

Osamu stays silent for a bit, and atsumu cracks a cheesy smile, “cap… you didn’t do anything.”

“Huh?”

“You didn’t do anything- this is just… how some girls act,” osamu explains, and kita feels his cheeks warm up from the sudden crowd that’s gathered.

“Are we teaching Kita-San something now?” Suna teases, peering over Osamu’s shoulder to read the message. “Teaching him about giiiiiirls.”

And shinsuke wants to say something back, about how he knows girls and he doesn’t need to be taught anything…

But maybe he does.

Osamu takes a small breath in before passing his captain’s phone back to him, “sometimes, girls are just… uhm….”

“Aggressive?” He asks, and Akagi chuckles behind him.

“No,” Osamu hums thoughtfully. “I would probably say more… excited than guys, and it makes them kinda wanna… be… ferocious?”

“Feral?” Suna chimes in.

“Buck wild?”

“How about all of the above,” Aran says easily.

Kita quirks a brow, “so she doesn’t actually hate me?”

“No! She’s just excited that you complimented her, I think.”

“Yeah Kita-San,” Atsumu chuckles. “Girls only say they hate you when they love you; that’s like. A thing.”

“They also bite,” Akagi cuts in. “For… some reason.”

“They BITE?”

“I’ve been smacked so many times,” Aran playfully laments, and Shinsuke’s head whips towards him, only to make the ace shrug, “what? She’ll get excited to see you, or something good happens, and she just. Smacks your arms. It doesn’t always hurt.”

“What do you mean ALWAYS!” Shinsuke is suddenly extremely nervous about whether he received a girlfriend… or a pitbull.

“Or she’ll bite you,” Suna hums.

“Or says she hates you,” the twins circle back. At seeing their captains new nerves, they rise to their feet to clap him on the back.

“You’ll be fine, cap,” the blonde assures. “It’ll catch you by surprise, sure.”

“May be a little painful,” osamu snorts.

Atsumu snickers, “but you’ve liked her for a long time. And if it’s too much, you tell her to stop.” He nods before turning on his heel and mumbling a soft ‘hell knows you’re good at that,’ under his breath.

The conversation makes Shinsuke… convinced. He’s sure that there’s minimal that you can do to upset him, even if these methods of love lean far into the unconventional. He gnaws at his lip as the crowd disperses, golden eyes glazing over the contents once more.

He cracks a small smile, taking a soft breath in and letting his fingers take over typing and saying everything he could want to say in just a few words.

SENT I love you, too :)

You reply with an absolute jumble of words and praises, capitals and random emojis. He smiles before planting his phone in his bag and heading out to practice, feeling it buzz more than a few times in his pocket.

Maybe a few well intentioned bite marks wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen to him.

#sniff sob #I love him 🥺🩷 #kita shinsuke #kita shinsuke fluff #kita shinsuke x reader #kita shinsuke x f!reader #kita shinsuke x reader fluff #kita shinsuke imagine #kita shinsuke haikyuu #kita #kita fluff #kita x reader #kita x f!reader #kita x reader fluff #kita imagine #kita haikyuu #haikyuu #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x female reader #haikyuu x f!reader #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x yn

[shibaraki]

❄︎ ─ END OF YEAR REC REPORT: THE READER INSERT EDITION

hi lovelies!! as the year is coming to an end I wanted to work with my followers to compile a rec list of fics that have stuck with us as one massive thank you to all of the writers in our corner of tumblr/AO3. below you will find x reader fics from multiple different fandoms, and everything is in alphabetical order. I am grateful to all of you for the amazing work you do, and to those who participated!

extra note: I read through and tried my best to make sure everything is appropriately tagged (reader type and blushes included) but do let me know if anything needs amending—or if you are on this list and wish to be taken off it. happy reading and happy new year! (and thank you to @namodawrites for helping with the banners ily)

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT ─ ❄︎

fics: 100 fandoms: 23 total word count: 💀

an observer of longing by shibaraki [ONESHOT] [18K] #: afab reader - childhood best friends to lovers - romantic and sexual tension - mutual pining - casual physical affection - love confession - eventual sexual content

Could Hajime really return your feelings? Tooru certainly thinks so. And Issei, and Takahiro. Seemingly everyone that has been within twenty feet of you.

I wanna be yours by gabseyoo [ONESHOT] [5.9K] #: fem reader - recreational drug use - stoner suna rintaro - friends to lovers - shotgunning - smut - face riding - unprotected sex - sex under the influence

Your usual smoking date with your best friend takes an unexpected turn after a certain song starts playing.

in orbit by neonghxst [MULTI-CHAP] [27K] #: fem reader - slow burn - fluff - angst - enemies to friends to lovers - childhood friends - breaking up/making up

You tend to have a habit of coming and going, life sending you away at odd intervals and guiding you back into his path without warning. Akin to two planets caught in each other’s orbits, you pushed and pulled in a never-ending cycle. But if there was one thing Atsumu was certain of, it was that you would always find your way back to him (and this time, he’s determined to make you stay).

lover be good to me by suguwu [MULTI-CHAP] [30K] #: fem reader - soulmate au - slow burn - hurt/comfort - partner death (not kita shinsuke)

You meet Kita Shinsuke on a rainy summer day, with a sea of hydrangeas swirling at your feet. You know him instantly, as only a soulmate can. He seems like a good man. Like a good soulmate. But it's your wedding day.

miya atsumu and the chronic lovesick disease by fushisagi [ONESHOT] [12.6K] #: gender neutral reader - university au - fluff - friends to lovers - denial of feelings - mutual pining

The question comes to him one autumn night, surrounded by his friends and the chilly november breeze, asked by, who he assumes to be, just another nobody looking for money: what is it that you desire most, boy? the psychic asks, her saccharine smile forgotten when he looks into the crystal ball and all he ends up seeing is you. Alternatively: Miya Atsumu is not in love. what the hell? who would ever suggest something like that?

monster by satendou [SERIES: ONGOING] [13K] #: fem reader - unprotected sex - creampie - vaginal fingering - mentions of bullying - insecurities - described as blushing

You like horror movies, Tendou likes horror movies, what could go wrong?

storm chaser by amjustagirl [MULTI-CHAP] [163K] #: fem reader - post canon - domestic fluff - friends to lovers - romance - marriage - parenthood - angst

Living life with Miya Atsumu is like chasing a storm - equal parts exhilaration and danger. After all, it’s impossible to tame a storm.

the burden of being by sashimiyas [ONESHOT] [22K] #: fem reader - angst - fluff - amnesia - pro volleyball player osamu - unhealthy coping mechanisms

There was an Osamu who loved you once. Who loved Onigiri Miya so much he spent most of his waking hours there, supported loyally by the members of Hyogo Ward. A fire changes that and he and his twin brother adopt their old high school motto: we don’t need the memories. Now they’re gone and memories are all you have. So as an homage to the man you love, you reopen his restaurant back up for him.

the inbetween by oh-katsuki [ONESHOT] [25K] #: fem reader - manga spoilers - childhood friends to lovers - slow burn - angst - sexual content

You and Tendou have been best friends since before you can remember. You share everything with each other and over the years have fallen into a friendship with clear boundaries but intimate values. When you start to notice Tendou growing more distant, you begin to worry that he’s keeping more secrets than you thought. 

there are reasons why a body stays in motion by gardenofnoah [ONESHOT] [4.7K] #: afab reader - strangers to lovers - fluff - eventual sexual content

You work too hard—kita knows it the second he meets you. He’s not expecting you to take him up on his offer. You don’t either, until you end up on his farm.

the blood of the witch is not ours by demxnscous [ONESHOT] [11K] #: afab reader - vampire miya osamu - strangers to friends to lovers - modern setting with a hidden supernatural world - blood and injury - eventual sexual content

The door opens. Osamu whines pitifully, a shallow breath that scarcely pulls at the lacerations along his body, blood of his own and of another creature matts his fur to his ribs, along his spine, and he lifts his head. “Oh, fuck.” From the threshold, your eyes widen, a stranger to the fox you find.

to: tokyo, love hyogo by akimind [ONESHOT] [15K] #: fem reader - described as blushing - reunions - angst - fluff - exes to lovers

Your mind wasn’t tricking you when it caught sight of this name from across the street you rarely frequent; it remains the same name even as you stand directly below now and reread that sign again. Onigiri Miya. …I’ll meet you in Hyogo. The same echo. The same memory.

roommate osamu kiss by shibaraki [DRABBLE] [0.6K] #: gender neutral reader - pre relationship - fluff - roommate miya osamu - sleepy kiss

Osamu likes to think that unlike Atsumu, he has some semblance of control over his impulses. it’s a fine art. When you softly touch his waist as you squeeze past, or dig your feet under his thigh on the couch, or lean into his side as you share the small bathroom, he can will his body still and maintain the equilibrium you’ve crafted together. But this morning he is frayed at the seams.

venus by saetyrn [ONESHOT] [15K] #: cisfem reader - mutual pining - alcohol consumption - friends to lovers - eventual sexual content - reader is inexperienced

After returning to Japan from studying abroad in California, Hajime’s found that his desire for you has only grown stronger in his year away. He hopes you feel the same, and see him as he sees you. What he doesn’t expect is for it all to go tits up when you ask him--your trusted friend--for help with losing your virginity.

wet haired kuroo by mrs-kurooo [DRABBLE] [0.8K] #: gender neutral reader - pre relationship - romantic tension

His hair lies flat, unlike the usual unruly, gravity-defying mess of black that sits on his head. It’s still a little damp, slowly drying in the warmth of your apartment, a lone droplet of water dripping from the ends and landing on his towel. It hangs in his eyes a little, more so than usual and the urge to run your fingers through it overwhelms you - it just looks so soft.

a duke's son and a baron's daughter by katsukikitten [ONESHOT] [14K] #: fem reader - victorian era au - arranged marriage - pining - slow burn - suggestive content - lord bakugo katsuki - lord todoroki shouto

The room ebbs in the low light of flickering candles, people gather in clusters like lost geese as they honk their gossip at one another causing you to sigh. It would be another long night of mental games as your cold eyes fail to warm from the eccentric sights. Silk dresses, long gloves, shimmering gems, and endless drink and food.  Yet you hated how little power you had over your choice of being here or not. 

a light that never comes by mighty-mighty-man [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [430K] #: fem reader - enemies to friends to lovers - reader is an ex villain - worldbuilding - polotics - drama - eventual romance

After your life is saved by a quirkless middle-schooler, you find yourself roped back into the world of Heroism you've spent years trying to escape. Your mentor convinces you to take a job at U.A. that will bring you perilously close to your former best friend, Toshinori Yagi, who you have been avoiding since you mysteriously dropped out of high school in your third year. Being a Hero never gets any easier. And high school never ends.

all the times i told you by gardenofnoah [SERIES] [8K+] #: afab reader - estbalished relationship - fluff - intimacy - hurt/comfort - eventual sexual content

A sweet little multi-parter about being so in love it makes you sick, featuring Katsuki.

a withered rose by potionpeddlerpatchy [ONESHOT] [18K] #: fem reader - mythical au - reader is a nymph - god of sleep shinsou hitoshi - sexual content - dubious consent - somnophilia - manipulation

In the center of all the strange but wonderful opulence sat a giant glass orb propped so beautifully atop of a pillar, woven so intricately like vines, of tourmaline. You couldn’t help but approach it, the alluring purple aura seemed to call out to you, reaching your delicate hand before you, nothing else crossed your mind that your desire to touch the orb's smooth surface. “You’re a bold little one, aren’t you?” Hitoshi spoke, chuckling deeply as he took in your startled form. 

a world away by invie [MULTI-CHAP] [26K] #: fem reader - slow burn - timeskips - pro hero bakugo katsuki - parallel universes - dimension travel - feelings realisation - first meetings - fluff - angst - love confessions

He met you at 16 and hasn't known peace since then.

casual by ghostbeam [ONESHOT] [4K] #: fem reader - no quirk au - friends with benefits - friends to lovers - sexual content - todoroki family feels

“My mom wants to meet you.” It’s a sentence uttered as Touya pulls the T-shirt he’d discarded earlier (while he was pushing you toward your bed and sucking your tongue into his mouth) over his head. It comes as a shock, lying in your bed completely bare, still struggling to catch your breath. It shouldn’t make you feel excited in the way that it does, not when Touya has been more than clear about the nature of the relationship between the two of you. Nothing serious. No commitment.

cruise universe by bfbkg [SERIES] #: fem reader - cruise au - pro hero bakugo - developing relationship - strangers to lovers - fluff - alcohol consumption - eventual sexual content

Your cruise holiday with your friends has got some pretty views, your favourite being the grumpy pretty blonde.

deceiving the duke by andypantsx3 [MULTI-CHAP] [30K] #: fem reader - regency au - class differences - romance - identity porn - eventual sexual content

When Camie Utsushimi elopes on the eve of her society debut, scandal threatens to destroy the family’s prospects. It’s up to you, a maid, to impersonate Camie throughout the Season, long enough that her elder sister can make a match. The only trouble? Lord Shouto Todoroki is also intent on making a match—and that match, quite impossibly, appears to involve you.

fill my little world by shibaraki [ONESHOT] [20K] #: afab reader - no quirk au - single dad aizawa shouta - nanny reader - falling in love - eventual sexual content

You are employed by Aizawa Shouta to nanny for his vulnerable adoptive daughter Eri while he’s at work. As time passes you find yourself equally smitten with them both, longing for a more permanent place in their family.

heart of the ocean by secondhand_trash [TWOSHOT] [13K] #: fem reader - pirate au - inspired by princess bride - romance - pirate todoroki touya - angst with a happy ending - sexual content

You had met many sailors in your life growing up by the sea, but there was only one like him.

higher than the mountain, deeper than the sea by itoshisoup [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [50K+] #: fem reader - psychological drama - childhood friends to lovers - stockholm syndrome - hurt/comfort - noncon elements

Touya watches you stare feebly out the window, your fingers curled around those useless flowers he bought, and he finally understands why his pathetic excuse of a father could never find the words to apologize to his mother.

I'll make this feel like home by missmeinyourbones [ONESHOT] [6K] #: afab reader - angst - canon compliant - hurt/comfort - dabi centric - todoroki family reveal - sexual content

Touya was eight years old when his youngest brother was born—the same age realized that his house no longer felt like home. 

incendiary by andypantsx3 [MULTI-CHAP] [30K] #: fem reader - enemies to lovers - quirkless discrimination - reader is a college student - romance- eventual sexual content

When you accidentally go viral in defense of quirkless people, an extremist group puts a target on your back. Pro hero Dynamight is the last person you want watching it.

in the dark of morning, you promise me the sun by kirketeer [MULTI-CHAP] [78K] #: fem reader - major character death - slow burn - grief and mourning - angst with a happy ending - eventual sexual content

When Denki, your long-term boyfriend, is stabbed by a villain on his way home from work, left to bleed out on the sidewalk only a mile from your apartment, you find yourself adrift. Strangely enough, it's Bakugou that helps with what comes after.

kingdom of ashes by shibaraki [TWOSHOT] [11K] #: fem reader - historical royalty au - prince todoroki touya - arranged marriage - sexual content - fluff - angst - hopeful ending

When you are suddenly uprooted from your life to enter an arranged marriage with Prince Touya you are unprepared for how greatly he defies your expectations, nor for how quickly you fall for him.

lights will guide you home by a11eya [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [22K] #: gender neutral reader - soulmate au - trope inversion/subversion - slow burn - getting together - falling in love - eventual sexual content

Soul-lights aren’t as common in this day and age as they were in the past, before quirks, but they’re common enough that people do still find their soulmates. At thirteen, you meet Bakugou Katsuki, and he lights up for you in orange and gold. You tell him he's your soulmate. He sneers and tells you that you aren't his. He makes your adolescence miserable until you part ways. You meet again as adults, late at night, in a grocery store, over a pile of bok choy. He apologizes for how he treated you when you were children. (In which you have a choice—to reject Bakugou's apology, reject him, or to let him show you the man he's become, to learn with him what it means to love and forgive.)

one for the rules by alkhale [ONESHOT] [9K] #: fem reader - actor au - soulmates and identifying marks - romance - actor kita shinsuke - implied sexual content - reader described with long hair

“(Y/n)-san,” Kita whispers, low, just for you. Your eyes flicker nervously up to meet his, heart beating so wildly in your chest you feel like you’ll explode. Any minute now. There’ll be nothing left for him but little bits of nonsense. “I know I have no right to stop you… but please, if you’d be willing to wait, just a bit…” Kita pulls both your hands together now, away from both your shared marks. He holds them in both of his and he gazes at you the entire time, a man truly from another era, from a lost era of things so hopeless romantic and earnest you feel like there’s nothing you can do in the very face of it. Kita brings your hands up and he presses a kiss to your knuckles, peering up at you, eyes like honey, voice soft and warm and everywhere around you. “Would you give me the chance to show you my worth?” Kita asks. Ah, that’s it. Your heart really can’t take anymore.

passing peonies by dira333 [MULTI-CHAP] [34K] #: fem reader - recovery - mental health issues - returning to society - healing todoroki family - reader described to have a ponytail - angst

When the war ended, Midoriya Izuku had proven one thing: That Villains did not need to be killed to be defeated. That you could make friends from enemies. Touya Todoroki, formerly known as Dabi, had been one of those taken into the rehabilitation program. After one year of intense physical and psychological therapy, he's got the chance to prove himself. To prove that he can be a part of this world.

something just like this by ofmermaidstories [MULTI-CHAP] [200K] #: fem reader - strangers to lovers - pro hero deku - manga artist reader - eventual sexual content

It probably says a lot about you that your first thought on meeting Deku, international Symbol of Peace, isn't something like "Oh, wow," or, "Oh he's so nice," but is, instead, the un-Plus Ultra thought of, "I definitely would’ve bullied him, in high school." At least until those muscles came in.

the cardinal rule by coopigeoncoo [ONESHOT] [9K] #: gender neutral reader - romantic comedy - bird puns - blood and injury

A story where Hawks learns that while humans might be awed by his flying skills, the bird population is decidedly less impressed.

the widening sky by ofmermaidstories [MULTI-CHAP] [37K] #: fem reader - merpeople au - merman bakugo katsuki - canon typical violence - grief and mourning - eventual sexual content - bittersweet ending

You don’t believe your Grandmother’s stories about mermaids — until you meet one.

triptych by narumi-gens [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [20K] #: fem reader - yandere chisaki kai - psychological abuse - angst - codependency - imprisonment - canon typical violence - sexual content

Your life is nothing more than a triptych, a work of art in three parts with each panel depicting a distinct period — a beginning, a middle, an end. And in the triptych that is your life, the central figure has always been Chisaki Kai.

when to cradle, when to pry by therealvalkyrie [ONESHOT] [1.3K] #: fem reader - established relationship - depresson and panic attacks - reader has low self esteem - hurt/comfort

As he re-learns the joys of loving you, Katsuki also learns how to help you back on your own feet when you need it. OR An "in the aftermath" look at the relationship in 'you feel love in the sodium'

11:49pm by shotorus [DRABBLE] [0.4K] #: gender neutral reader - fluff and intimacy

Gojo is larger than life, but you make him feel small.

all that is solid by grilledtandoorismoke [SERIES] [38K] #: fem reader - arranged marriage - curse user reader - described as blushing - hurt/comfort - domestic fluff - angst - canon typical violence

Coming from a family of curse users and the first person in three hundred years to have your clan's inherited technique, political machinations force you to attend Jujutsu Tech while having to agree to an arranged marriage to Gojo Satoru.

am I (25F) the asshole for fucking my boyfriend's older brother (28M) by rinhaler [ONESHOT] [10K] #: fem reader - sexual content - dom/sub dynamics - older brother ryomen sukuna - sex under the influence - cheating - daddy kink

I know it sounds bad but we got high and he's hot!!

blood and pearls by vennilavee [SERIES: ONGOING] [10K] #: fem reader - trueform sukuna - developing relationship - canon typical violence - cannibalism - eventual sexual content

A lonely water nymph washes up to the shores of an enchanted lake with dreams of the sun and the stars. Little do you know, that this enchanted lake belongs to the king of curses himself, Ryomen Sukuna.

candied hearts by mrs-kurooo [ONESHOT] [10k] #: fem reader - no curse au - hurt/comfort - fluff - third party infidelity - sexual content - body worship - size difference - pull out method

Gojo is a nuisance. What more is there to say.

cor unum by vampyrsm [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [130K] #: fem reader - trueform sukuna - slow burn - period typical sexism - body horror - cannibalism - blood and violence - eventual sexual content

A tale of how the Shogun's daughter ends up in the maw of one of the most fierce curse users to ever exist.

godmaker by firein-thesky [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [50K] #: fem reader - arranged marriage - angst - unhealthy relationships - parental abuse - canon typical violence - hurt/comfort - slow burn - eventual sexual content

And the form leans down, closer, as their voice drops to a murmur, all honey and thorns, the promise of something far greater than you. A storm to come. The future that you will bear upon the slant of your shoulders. And when they speak, you know they’ve cursed you; “I will teach you how to make a God.”

hey lonely stranger (won't you meet my eye?) by stellamancer [ONESHOT] [6.4K] #: fem reader - speed dating - unresolved romantic tension - jealous gojo satoru - allusions to canon typical violence

You attend a match-making event and who else should be there but the last person you want to see: Satoru Gojo.

how to be a dog by prettyboykatsuki [TWOSHOT] [37K] #: fem reader - yandere gojo satoru - manipulation and coercion - stalking - graphic depictions of violence - rape/non-con - forced intimacy - sexual content

"Of course you must learn to love, to love always and love entirely and to be wounded by nothing so much as the violence of your own love." - ANDREW KANE, HOW TO BE A DOG. With six eyes to see, it becomes clear. You are being watched.

intrinsic warmth by thatdesklamp [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [150K] #: fem reader - slow burn - childhood friends - mutual pining - angst - canon typical violence

You meet Satoru on 7th September, 1996. Some time later, you realise you love him.

let your hand become a blade so i may take it by seravphs [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [10K] #: princess reader - knight gojo satoru - royal au - forbidden love - period typical misogyny - childhood friends to enemies to lovers

Knights are bound by duty and honor, but Gojo is more devoted to his princess than he ever was to his oaths.

limerence by shibaraki [ONESHOT] [4K] #: gender neutral reader - friends to lovers - pining - masturbation - sexual tension

The little intimacies you shared together were a fix of Gojo's.

lucky by izvmimi [ONESHOT] [3.5K] #: fem reader - crack - plot heavy with a little porn - todo aoi's otaku behaviour

You meet someone desperate to win a competition.

men are so quick to blame the gods by awearywritersworld [SERIES] [16K+] #: fem reader - enemies to lovers - developing relationship - angst - fluff - canon typical violence - not canon compliant - jealousy

Your boyfriend is a heavy sleeper, leaving you to form an unlikely relationship with the curse occupying his body during the late hours of the night.

playing pretend by itadorey [ONESHOT] [5.4K] #: gender neutral reader - fake dating - friends to lovers - slice of life and humour

Gojo lies to Shoko in order to win a bet and you're dragged along for the ride.

🔒 polluted by heich0e [ONESHOT] [11K] #: fem reader - university au - sexual content - recreational drug use - sex under the influence - gangbang - double penetration - dubcon

"Weed doesn't make her annoying," Sukuna drawls, tossing the basketball up again, only this time away from him—you watch as it curves gracefully in the air, swishing through the little net Geto and Gojo have affixed to the back of their dorm room door. "She's always annoying." [...] Sukuna's smirk turns into something even sharper, a smile unfurling slow and wicked across his face. "Weed doesn't make her annoying--it makes her into a whore."

seat taker by coconutdays [ONESHOT] [10K] #: fem reader - university au - biker geto suguru - sexual tension - fluff - strangers to lovers - eventual sexual content

You have a crush on the smartest and sexiest guy in your lit class who happens to ride a motorcycle with spooky season around the corner. what ever might happen?

still melting? by arminsumi [ONESHOT] [1.4K] #: fem reader - best friend geto suguru - romantic and sexual tension - flirting

Practicing putting eyeliner on your best friend, while sat in his lap. He can't help but take this chance to flirt with you. Of course, a certain someone interrupts your moment right at the end

sunset by princess-okkotsu [ONESHOT] [5.6K] #: princess reader - knight zen'in maki - reader implied shorter than maki - royal au - period typical attitudes - sexual content

You’re a princess, though the last of several siblings, set to never wear the crown of your kingdom. The last to marry, you're suddenly betrothed after your father waged your hand in marriage in some game of bow and arrow. Though you and your knight, Maki, have been content with bottling up your affections for one another, this sudden betrothal has you both wishing for something you know you can't have.

they were just friends by wanderwithme [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [65K] #: fem reader - fireman fushiguro toji - slow burn - roommates - character death - eventual romance - described as blushing

It’s 4:24 p.m. and the love of your life is cheating on you.

turn me like a beast / hold you to the floor by gardenofnoah [ONESHOT] [6.5K] #: princess reader - strangers to unfortunate lovers - hunter nanami kento - the fall of a dynasty - major character death - reincarnation - bittersweet ending

The world is at its end, and an unlikely pair finds solace in each other. To love is an animal thing.

wormwood by linkcities [ONESHOT] [25K] #: fem reader - angst with a happy ending - canon compliant - childhood friends to lovers - mutual pining - codependency - new beginnings

Absence festers in the presence of little yellow wormwood flowers, and you come to learn about how it goes hand in hand with lingering bitterness when you meet Gojo Satoru. or, As the young God’s only friend, you are punctured with the burden of his companionship, regardless if you deem yourself unworthy of it.

风月 | wind, moon by itoshisoup [ONESHOT] [7.5K] #: gender neutral reader - established relationship - fluff - romance

In which you drag Dan Heng halfway across the universe for a candied fruit skewer, and he gets a taste of the life that was once denied to him.

christmas countdown by suguwu [ONESHOT] [16K] #: gender neutral reader - hallmark au - holiday fluff - age gap - romance

Your company is taking on a new project and desperately wants the backing and expertise of retired CEO Jing Yuan. Dispatched out into the countryside to bring him on board, you find it won't be as easy as you think. Jing Yuan strikes a bargain with you: spend the upcoming days with him, until Christmas Eve, and he'll tell you exactly what it will take for him to come back if you don't figure it out yourself. Let the Christmas countdown begin.

nexus by ddarker-dreams [MULTI-CHAP] [51K] #: fem reader - yandere blade - codependency - eventual sexual content - dark comedy - space politics

You belong to a specialized group — the Arbiters — who are capable of influencing others' perceptions. Your clients hail from all corners of the universe to see their wildest fantasies come true. By establishing a link with them, they can experience a dreamscape of their choosing, more convincing than the latest developments in augmented reality. You have received many unique requests throughout the years. After the Stellaron Hunter's swordsman saves you from an early demise, you offer him the chance to experience any phantasia of his choosing. It is then that you're posed with a trying challenge: "Show me what it's like to die."

scrap metal by lorelune [TWOSHOT] [5K] #: gender neutral reader - captive reader - injury - use of a muzzle - non consensual touching - yandere blade - force feeding

Per Elio's newest script, the Stellaron Hunters take in a stray.

love like no other by nanamimizz [ONESHOT] [2.6K] #: fem reader - sexual content - established relationship - open communication

Al Haitham is man solemnly thought he would never find love, so when he has that and more the night turns...physical.

you didn't teach me how to forget you by haitaniapologist [TWOSHOT] [15K] #: ragnvindr fem reader - described as blushing - fluff - lovesick childe - possessiveness

You never thought you would find the boy who haunted your childhood in a trip to Liyue.

arranged marriages and well-kept secrets by dearayato [ONESHOT] [1.7K] #: gender neutral reader - established relationship - talk of marriage - proposals

Ayato props himself on his elbows, a smug smile adorning his face, “Don’t worry love, the only person I see in my future is you.”

for you are the world by lorelune [MULTI-CHAP] [29K] #: fem reader - childhood friends to lovers - post trauma - fluff - hurt/comfort - chronic injuries - sexual content - protective diluc

You return to Mondstadt after many years away, sick, with an feeling that's all-too familiar and unwelcome.

bury me by deskaisers [ONESHOT] [8.8K] #: fem reader - described as blushing - stepcest - step brother oliver aiku - virginity - corruption kink - unprotected sex

Your father's new relationship was rather unexpected, but there was no way in hell you could have predicted everything else that came with it.

everything's better when you're honest by prettyboykatsuki [ONESHOT] [11K] #: fem reader - friends to lovers - professional athlete isagi yoichi - reader is sexually experienced - sexual content

you notice early on that isagi is always holding back something. the deeper into your relationship you go, the more you wish he'd let loose.

to my first love by by-moonflower [TWOSHOT][17.3K] #: fem reader - high school au to married au - non-linear narrative - exploring girlhood - fluff - angst - romance - suggestive - described as blushing

When you agreed to date itoshi sae in mid-October of 1993, you never imagined he'd be your first love—whose presence would continue to linger in your life, hauntingly, even if a year, two, or ten came to pass.

finding peace in the spontaneous wild (that is you) by tired-biscuit [ONESHOT] [26K] #: fem reader - university au - modern supernatural elements - friends to lovers - werewolf kiba - mutual pining - eventual sexual content

You run into Kiba at the grocery store, around two weeks after returning home from college.

🔒 tacenda by namodawrites [MULTI-CHAP] [100K] #: gender neutral reader - mutual pining - slow burn - childhood friends to lovers - canon typical violence - rivalry

Somewhere along the way trying to prove Neji wrong about fate and destiny, you fall in love.

den of wolves by kuramakakashi [MULTICHAP] [37K] #: senju reader - descriptions of gore - uchiha centric - canon typical violence - worldbuilding

Peace in our time – it was the dream your cousin had championed since childhood, and it was the foundation for all of his efforts to bring the constant warring between clans to a permanent end.  And it was why he sent you into the den of wolves with only one order: Save Izuna Uchiha.  

🔒 birds of a feather by namodawrites [ONESHOT] [18K] #: gender neutral reader - touchstarved - possessive behaviour - comfort/angst - canon typical violence

Knives rediscovers his humanity while recovering. You fight hard not to lose yours.

bittersweet by heich0e [ONESHOT [6K] #: afab reader - domestic fluff - sharing a bed - gentle sex - sweet soggy vash

Something shuffles in the dark. Papa left you a gun, too. Even taught you how to shoot it. Mama hated that. She hated how good you were at it even more. She used to say that shooting was gonna be your husband’s job someday, and that even in a world this wicked Papa was teaching you things you didn’t need to know. But now Mama’s gone. And Papa’s gone. And the world is still wicked. And you’ve got no husband, but you have a gun you know how to shoot.

and I know it’s hard enough to love me (but I woke up in a safe house) by seoafin [ONESHOT] [4K] #: fem reader - sharing a bed - tending to wounds - fluff - blood and injury

“My husband and I would like a room. We’re on our honeymoon”. “In this shithole of a town?” The innkeeper asks with a raised eyebrow, looking from you to Vash, who only lets out a sheepish chuckle as he scratches the back of his head. Despite his sluggish breaths, his slow blinking gaze, and the red slowly staining his shirt.

solar lunacy by bamsara [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [225K] #: gender neutral reader - slow burn - fluff and angst - developing relationships - blood and injury - posessive behaviour

You weren’t a technician, you weren’t a security guard, you weren’t a daycare assistant. You’re just an employee. Staff. The ‘jack-of-all-trades’ employee with mediocre at best skills and specialty in none, tasked with doing miscellaneous jobs that robots couldn’t do and human staff couldn’t care to. The job is unpredictable, but it pays good and it’s relatively easy. Except for the part where all the animatronics are more sentient than you thought, and you’re roped into a mystery surrounding the Daycare Attendants, who are bit too curious about you for your liking. You don’t think this was in your employee contact.

cryptid sightings by naffeclipse [MULTICHAP] [250K] #: gender neutral reader - cryptid au - reader is a cryptid hunter - horror - blood and violence - sleep terrors - non-sexual intimacy - posessive behaviour

Perhaps this would scare a person, being all alone in the woods in the dark, but not you. You’re too intertwined with the paranormal and inexplicable. It’s in your blood. That doesn’t mean your heart won’t pound with terror when you face something with fangs and hungry eyes for flesh, but you don’t run away, and that’s what matters most. You will face the monsters.

celestial sundown by pillowspace [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [80K] #: gender neutral reader - god au - historical fantasy - slow burn - blood and injury - developing relationships - dimension travel

You are a peasant living in the middle of the woods, Sun is the god of day you brought back home with you, and Moon is the god of night tucked away in the Celestial Realm.

method acting by seeingivy [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [168K] #: fem reader - celebrity au - actor eren jaeger - enemies to friends to lovers - slow burn - miscommunication - eventual fluff - social media elements

Method acting is a very powerful skill. Using your own personal, physical, and emotional self and pouring it into the character on the screen makes for a powerful performance. Except when it's you and Eren - you're not sure where the acting starts, and real life begins.

public relations by crybaby-ink [ONESHOT] [12K] #: afab reader - office romance - boss/employee relationship - power dynamics - drama - politics - sexual content

Even though Zeke has had a little crush on you for a while now, he’s mostly okay with things in the office staying exactly the way they are. Mostly.

vestal virgin by bokutosdove [ONESHOT] [6K] #: fem reader - modern au - sexual content - loss of virginity - jean kirstein has a corruption kink - protected sex - implied dom/sub dynamic

A virgin consecrated and vowed to chastity; a chaste woman.

wild card by wellitcouldbeworse3 [MULTI-CHAP] [215K] #: fem reader - hunger games au - tribute levi ackerman - blood and violence - slow burn - psychological torture - character death - reader is proficient at archery - described as blushing

When you're selected to be the tribute representing District 12 in the 121st annual Hunger Games, you're pretty sure you're screwed. But, somehow, there's two things working in your favor. One: you're not half bad with a bow and arrow. Two: the male tribute from District 2 seems to have his eye on you...

❄︎ DEMON SLAYER

something blue by extrav1rgin [ONESHOT] [11K] #: fem reader - described as blushing - arranged marriage - angst with a happy ending - hurt/comfort - not canon compliant

Turning away you trace your way back through the route Giyuu had taken you down before. As you walk nearly silently you keep your ears out for the sound of another human. You find a note stuck to the door when you make your way toward it. If it was there before you must’ve missed it. ‘Gone on a mission, will be back.’ And you suppose that’s that.

❄︎ HELL'S PARADISE

safe for one more night with you by nagumoan [ONESHOT] [3.3K] #: fem reader - established relationship - domestic fluff - humour - sexual content

You get to share one last night with your husband Shion before his work will steal him from the warmth of your embrace with the first rays of the sun in the morning.

❄︎ BUNGO STRAY DOGS

pharos by auraxins [ONESHOT] [14K] #: afab reader - mer au - eldritch mer chuuya - strangers to lovers - island survival - blood and injury - eventual sexual content - unprotected sex

“Who are you?” you call. “What business have you here?” “You don't know?” barks the man, incredulousness in his tone. “You summoned me here.” “I fixed the lighthouse,” you correct. “I did not summon anything.”

❄︎ TOKYO REVENGERS

from his mind to hers by embossross [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [102K] #: fem reader - dark content - patient x doctor relationship - sexual content - stalking - cheating

Forced into therapy, Hanma expects to waste his time and yours, but you’re not about to let the chance of a high-profile and higher paying patient slip through your grasp. The fact that you’re both attracted to each other doesn’t hurt either.

❄︎ ONE PIECE

breathe me in by standfucker [ONESHOT] [7.4K] #: fem reader - inappropriate use of devil fruit powers - described as blushing - rough unprotected sex - creampie and breeding

As a woman in the Marines, the path to Read Admiral has been rough, but Smoker's been there for you since the beginning.

❄︎ BALDUR'S GATE

through the gates of horn and oak by sensoo [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [116K] #: fem reader - graphic depictions of violence - sexual content - fluff - F/M/M threesomes - spoilers marked by chapter

Each of them needs something different, but under the surface it's really the same thing. The burden of leadership is isolating and it is so difficult to carry on alone. Zevlor is trying to navigate through the shattered pieces of his life. Halsin is haunted by regrets and the tasks left unfinished. And you can't stop meddling in everyone else's affairs, even as you swear up and down that you're just trying to survive. Living is more than survival, but both are getting increasingly more difficult.

the five senses by nanamimizz [SERIES] [9K] #: fem cleric reader - non-sexual intimacy - angst - hurt/comfort - developing relationship - exploring trauma

A five part mini-series with everyone's favorite high elf vampire focusing on non-sexual intimacy and the budding relationship you foster with the guarded rouge.

❄︎ TWISTED WONDERLAND

uniform by giratinazero [ONESHOT] [2.4K] #: fem reader - non-sexual intimacy - undressing

With one gloved hand he reached up, threading his delicate fingers through a loop in the heart-shaped collar to drag you down to his height. Riddle slowly, purposely ran his eyes up and down the length of your body— you could feel the frustration that simmered just under the surface, like a teapot left on the heat and about to burst with steam.

❄︎ MORTAL KOMBAT

inescapable by dynamites [ONESHOT] [7K] #: gender neutral reader - light angst - crossing timelines - pining

From half across the somber battlefield, someone keeps glancing your way.

❄︎ BLEACH

cherry coloured funk by grinmjows [ONESHOT] [8.7K] #: fem reader - described to have dark hair and pale skin - explicit incest - sexual content

You usually find the moonlit nights strangely empty, for when you call your brother's name through them, he never answers.

desperate measures by ghost-party [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [27K] #: fem reader - modern au - transactional relationship - sugar daddy - age difference - dom/sub dynamic - sexual content - violence

After you’ve been laid off from your job, your friend Rangiku recommends a very specific kind of dating app — one where rich, lonely men seek younger partners to spoil. Reluctantly, you decide to give it a try. You tell yourself it’s a one-time thing, and that you have no plans on becoming dependent on anyone, let alone falling for them. But Sosuke Aizen makes you rethink everything…

❄︎ IDOLISH 7

in the eyes of the tide by namodawrites [ONESHOT] [15K] #: gender neutral reader - merman au - secret identity - angst - hurt/comfort

Oogami Banri is a calm, unassuming man. His first and second impressions of you had been undignified to say the least: encountering you passed out on a bench outside of a little shop, sheltered beneath its slanted tiled awning; assisting you to escape a cave during high tide, too afraid of the strange shapes you’d seen in the water to make the short journey alone.

❄︎ GOD OF WAR

and touched with the wonder of mortal beauty, her face by vampireloverz [ONESHOT] [8.8K] #: fem reader - pre-canon - size difference - sexual content - unprotected sex - canon-typical violence - described with body hair - reader is lifted by character

You hum to yourself, curious about what business he has in the woods, maybe it has something to do with whatever mysterious thing he has wrapped in foreign fabric. Through the days, you find yourself thinking of him. This warrior, this man, so elusive he feels almost like a ghost. You find yourself earnestly looking forward to the next time you come across each other.

❄︎ DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS

kinktober: monsterfucking by mintmatcha [TWOSHOT][5K] #: cisfem reader - original character romance - racism in a fantasy setting - sexual content - monsterfucking

After months of adventuring with your party, you can't help but be curious about a certain dragonborne...

❄︎ THE HUNGER GAMES

the death of an actor by uzurimisery [MULTI-CHAP: ONGOING] [36K] #: fem reader - fake dating - misogyny - reader is dr. gaul's daughter - sexual content - unhealthy dynamics

Y/N Gaul the Capitol's unregulated daughter of Dr. Gaul. Argumentative, independent, and hindrance to Coriolanus Snow's life plans.He can't stand you, you’re impossible for him to read. When your mother concocts a hairbrained plan to better set up her protege you’re caught in the crossfire and forced to play the part of Snow’s lover. Now if only the lines of what's an act and what was real wouldn’t get so blurry.

❄︎ DC UNIVERSE

callipygian by onesmartcookie78, pennydragons [MULTI-CHAP: ONGONG] [70K] #: original female character - described as blushing - canon typical violence - enemies to friends to lovers - secret identity - batfamily drama

"She knows that ass. In fact, she'd spent the whole day staring at pictures of it. So she is absolutely, 100% certain that ass belongs to Dick Grayson. Now, if Dick Grayson wants to run across the rooftops dressed in spandex, that's his prerogative. The problem is, he's not just Dick Grayson. No. Dick Grayson is Nightwing. And she has questions." She hadn't been trying to figure out who he was. In fact, she was trying to uncover the identity of the Red Hood. But now that she knows, she can't go back.

let me just add there are an infinite amount of other amazing fics that will not have made this rec list purely due to the time constraints, submission limit and lack of reach, etc. your fic is valuable and loved whether it made the cut or not—please do remember that!!!!!!

#m.navi #hq x reader #bnha x reader #jjk x reader #hsr x reader #bllk x reader #trigun x reader #x reader fic #x reader fic rec #fic

[doingitforbokuto]

The White Knight - Chapter Seven

-> KNIGHT!KITA SHINSUKE X PRINCESS!READER

-> Previous Chapter

-> Series Masterlist

Summary: Worrying about your friend was taking a toll on you. What happened to her? How badly did she get injured? Would she survive? Or was she dead already?

Words: 3,017

Warnings: talks of death/sickness (brief), parental death, depression

Kita's Point Of View

Another groan left your throat as you tried to find a comfortable position on the bed. The wet cloth on your forehead slipped down a bit as you turned to your side, facing Kita. Not long ago, Clara had changed the cloth that she placed over your eyes and forehead to ease the headache that had developed, but you apparently did not feel the promised effect. Frustrated, you ripped it off of your face.

With a grim expression, you looked over at Kita. Right beside your bed, he had placed a chair and taken a seat to make sure you were actually resting. Right after he had told you that Garret had attacked your best friend, he had had to carry you back to your bed. Everything had just become too much for your already exhausted body and mind to bear. Kita and Clara had hoped that you would find some rest, but the moment that you had come back to your senses, you had tried to go and see your friend. Your legs were shaking and your forehead was damp with cold sweat, but you were still determined to go and see her. Only, they had orders not to let you go.

It hurt Kita to see you in such a state and perhaps he would have even let you go against his orders if he knew that Alysane was alive and out of danger. But he didn't know. He didn't know what exactly had happened to her, he didn't know if she was going to make it out alive. The mere thought made his heart sink. What if she was really going to die? The nice Lady that always smiled at him when they passed each other in the hallway, the one that always asked you if you were alright whenever she saw you, the one that threw stray dogs a bite of her food when she saw one. Kita didn't know her well, but it was obvious that she was a kind woman who did not deserve to die at the hands of a man like Garret. If the thought of her dying made him feel this bad, what was it doing to you? And what was it doing to Osric?

So, as long as there were no news about what the situation was, he could not let you go. It would be hard enough if your friend were to pass away, you did not need to burst into her room and see her dead body. That was why every time you tried to get up and out of bed, he gently caught a hold of your shoulders and pushed you back down, even if he knew that it was not what you thought was the best for you. But sometimes you don’t know what is best for you. Maybe Kita did not know what was best for you either, but he was there to protect you from any harm and he would stay true to his oath of keeping you safe. Even if it made you angry.

And it did. For the very first time, you were actually angry with your knight, glading daggers at him any chance you got.

“She will be fine, princess.” His voice was low and gentle. He hoped that it would be true. It had to be.

The information he had received on what had happened to Alysane was very sparse: Garret had tried to escape the castle and as he did, he stole a dagger somehow. And when he - unfortunately - ran into Alysane, he attacked her. He had been angry with her when he had spoken to you and apparently, he had seen an opportunity to release that anger. But the extent of her injuries and whether she would make it or not was still something he did not know anything about.

“You don’t know if she’ll be alright. Stop lying to me.” You sighed. “I don't know what to do, Kita.” You squeezed your eyes shut. “I want this all to be over.. please.”

His heart squeezed in his chest, it hurt to hear you talk like this. You were supposed to be happy. If there was anyone in this whole world who deserved happiness, it had to be you. And he was supposed to make sure that you were. Why was he such a failure? “It will get better.” It had to be. Just like Alysane had to live, you had to be happy. That was just the way things were supposed to be. And if the universe would not let that happen, there had to be no order or justice anywhere left in the world.

“Nothing will get better, Kita. Nothing will ever get better. Everything went down the drain after mother's death.”

Your mother had not been dead for long, less than ten years now. Still, that was a long time to be sad. Though, he knew that feeling.

“I lost my parents, too.” Kita's confession made you look up and he greeted you with a smile. A soft, sad smile that he hoped would help calm you down. “It happened a long time ago, when I was very small. My grandmother raised me after that.”

“I am so sorry.” You moved your hand from under the covers and reached for him.

“It's alright.” His hand met yours. “I am alright now. But I know what it is like to think that nothing will ever be good again. When my parents died, I was so young, I couldn't even understand what was happening. But the longer I stayed with my grandmother, the longer I waited for my parents to come back again, the lonelier I felt. When I finally realized that they were never coming back, I thought I would never be happy again.” He looked down at your joined hands, sadness evident on his face. “It was a cruel thing to think, I know. My grandmother was there for me day and night, making sure I was well-fed and safe, and I still felt alone. I still could not find happiness in her love. But that was just the way I felt, I could not change it, no matter how much I wanted to be happy. It took me a long time to start seeing the good things in my life again. But when I started, I couldn't stop. I saw children playing outside. I saw my grandmother cooking our dinner. I saw our neighbor helping my grandmother with her garden.” His eyes locked onto yours. “I saw good things everywhere. And you will, too. It feels horrible to be alone. It is horrible, but it is not forever. Things will get better. You will get better.” He looked at you intently for a moment, carefully considering his next words. His hand squeezed yours gently as he proceeded to speak. “You will be loved.. and happy. If I have any say in it.”

There was no room for any doubts. You would be loved. You would be happy. He knew you would be because it was true. It had to be true. If it wasn't true that a woman so good like you would find love and happiness , there was nothing good left in this world.

You looked up at him with glossy eyes, an unidentifiable emotion in them. Your hand gripped his a little tighter, pulling him closer to you. You opened your mouth, took a deep breath and said - nothing.

Just when you were about to say whatever it was you were going to say, there was a knock on the door.

“Princess?” a guard called through the wood. “I have news about the Lady Alysane.”

Immediately, your hand pulled itself out of his in order to push your upper body up, trying to get yourself into a sitting position.

“Come in!” You shouted.

—

Your Point Of View

Clara had tried to stop you from leaving but without Kita's help, she could not contain your sheer will and determination to finally, finally see your friend again.

Since the guard had announced that your friend was not dead or about to die and that her injury had been treated, it seemed that Kita was no longer opposed to you seeing her. He probably knew how much you wanted to see her. Of course he knew. As much as he held back his own emotions, as composed as he was all the time, it was obvious just how compassionate he was, how much he cared. How did you get so lucky to be able to choose him as your knight? He was a gift sent from heaven just for you. He had to be.

You reached the door to Alysane's door quite quickly, even though you weren't supposed to overexert yourself. You tried to calm your breathing so that Kita would not realize how exhausted you already were. Though he did not say anything, you were sure that he noticed anyway. But that did not matter. What mattered was that the only thing standing in between you and your friend was a door and a guard with a worried look on his face. What did he want now? Couldn't people just let you through to your friend?!!

“Move.”

Usually, you did not speak to guards or maids in such a harsh manner, but your patience was truly about to become nonexistent. If he would not move and let you through that goddammit door, you would - well you didn't know what you would do. Maybe ask Kita to punch him. You'd hope that your personal knight knew how to knock people out good.

“Yes, princess.” The guard bowed slightly and looked back up at you with the same worried expression. “Just.. keep in mind that she needs rest. And that the wound that she was dealt is quite-”

“Yes, I get it!” You were about to truly yell at this man. And you knew that no man likes it when a woman makes a scene. Especially when that woman is the princess. If you had to be composed all the time and keep all your emotions to yourself, you might as well use these annoying rules in your favor once in a while. Threatening to make a scene, it was an easy way to get what you wanted - and let off some steam.

Quickly, the man moved to the side and allowed you to finally open the door and walk into the dark room.

The curtains were drawn close and the already dim light of the already low sun was blocked out of the room almost entirely. A few candles were lit throughout the room and the soft light allowed you to make out Alysane's form on the bed. Her body was covered by her blanket, leaving only her face exposed. Or well, it would have been exposed had it not been for the bandages covering most of her face.

“Alysane..” Your feet brought you to her side as quickly as your exhaustion allowed them to. What had happened to her? “What did he do to you?” you whispered, not expecting a reply from your passed out friend.

“Garret slashed her face. It will take time to heal,” the guard that had been outside said instead. Both him and Kita were slowly following you into the room.

“Will.. will she be alright?” As disturbing as she looked right now, you could not bring yourself to look away from her. How could a single man hurt you both so bad? How could this happen? And how could you help?

“She will heal. Luckily he did not injure her eye but it will still take a long time until she will be able to go out in public again.”

“Did you see the wound?” Kita asked him.

“I did. It.. it is very big. From her jaw over her cheek up to her nose. I doubt she will look as beautiful as she did before, which is a real shame considering-”

“Get out!” Now you were truly angry. “Is this all that you care about?!” You got up, stalking towards the man who looked terrified by your sudden outburst. “My friend was almost murdered and the first thing that you care to talk about is how she won't be beautiful anymore?” What was wrong with this man?

Defensively, he raised his hands. “I - I did not mean-”

“Sir Kita?” You were done.

“Yes, princess?” You could hear his metal armor clinging as he moved beside you, his voice low and composed.

“Remove this man from my presence.”

“With pleasure.”

It was the first command of this kind that you had given your knight. Usually, you did not enjoy making other people hurt someone else for you. You did not like to overreact and potentially hurt someone too much or to do them wrong. But this man deserved to be removed from this room. Maybe be pushed into a wall on the way out. And Kita wanted to protect you from any harm in any form right?

You didn't even bother to keep looking at this man. He was not worth your time, he was not even good enough to be in the same room as you.

You turned around as Kita grabbed the man and pushed him out of the room as you resumed your previous spot next to your friend. This time, you knelt down next to her, brushing through the few exposed strands of her hair. What did it matter if she was beautiful? She was your friend. She was alive and you loved her. That was all that mattered.

You could not tell how long you sat next to Alysane’s resting form. It probably was not that long, but you could feel the exhaustion seep into your bones. Every muscle in your body was begging you to take a rest, to lay down, but you refused to leave your friend. Sitting next to her on the bed, you stroked over the outline of her arm underneath the covers. You listened to her quiet breaths and watched the part of her face you could see, monitoring her for any sign of discomfort or pain. Quietly, you prayed that she would wake up. But you knew that that would probably take some time. She needed to rest - like you were supposed to.

Kita returned to your side, stepping away from his spot by the window. For the past few minutes, he had been standing there, the curtain pulled just a bit to the side to allow him to peek outside. What he had been looking at you did not know, nor did you particularly care. All that mattered right now was Alysane. If it was something important, you were sure Kita would tell you, anyway. If he didn't, it probably wasn't something you needed to be thinking about. You were thankful for every small concern he kept away from you, allowing you to fully focus on the situation at hand.

“Princess?” He carefully approached you. “It is time to return to your chambers. You need to rest.”

“I can't leave her alone.”

You were hunched over, your neck hurt, your eyes hurt. But you couldn't leave.

“We'll find a new guard to keep an eye on her. And tomorrow we will come back and visit her again.”

You gave in. Of course you did, because he was right. He was always right. And you already knew who you wanted to keep an eye on Alysane.

“I need to find out where Osric is.”

Kita smiled at you. “I think I can help you with that.”

Just a few minutes later, Osric was standing in the doorway of Alysane's room. Kita had opened the curtains of the window he had been standing in front of before and motioned for Osric to come inside. Apparently the knight had been outside in the courtyard already, looking up to Alysane's room. It shouldn't surprise you as much as it did but with all of the chaos inside your head, you had not had the time to think about Osric too much.

Careful not to make too much noise, he walked into the room slowly, eyes only ever trained on Alysane.

“Is she alright? I heard that something had happened but..” He swallowed. “I didn't know exactly what. They wouldn't let me in and.. and I didn't know what was going on.”

“Garret attacked her after he attacked me,” you explained. “There is a large wound on her face, but she will live.” If the wound does not get infected, you added in your head, but did not dare to say out loud, scared of speaking it into existence.

“Oh, right.” Osric's eyes snapped over at you. “He - he attacked you too, right? Are you-”

“I'm fine,” you reassured him. “And I would be even better if I knew my friend in safe hands.”

Osric nodded slowly, his eyes panning back to look at Alysane again. He looked uncertain, almost scared. Like a deer caught in headlights.

Kita walked up to him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “She will be fine. Just keep an eye on her, alright?”

With the dim light in the room, you could not be sure, but for just a moment you thought you could see tears glimmering in Osric’s eyes when he looked at Kita. Then, he nodded and went to sit on one of the chairs placed close to the bed.

“A maid will come and check in every now and then, too,” you told him as you tried to push yourself up from where you were still sitting on the bed. Kita somehow appeared by your side, a strong hand under your arm helping you up. He held out his arm after that, offering it to you for support as you made your way back to your room on wobbly legs.

Before you left your friend, you shot a last glance at her and Osric, who's eyes were still focused on Alysane.

She would be alright.

-> Next Chapter

#kita x reader #kita #kita x you #kita x y/n #knight!kita #medival au #kuta shinsuke #kita shinsuke x reader #kita shinsuke x you #kita shinsuke x y/n #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu #kita haikyuu #comfort #hurt/comfort #angst

[loveephia]

suna rintarō being in love with his close friend who's the complete opposite of him.

a girl who's cheerful and oh, so full of love; always willing to give without expecting to receive in return. a smile from you was very much contagious, as it has proven to work on not only the miya twins, but on kita shinsuke, too.

when suna first met you, he thought that you were naïve, and from his astute observations, he turned out to be right.

but the minute he saw your weary eyes and tear-stained cheeks trying to pick up the shattered pieces of your own heart, suna wanted nothing more than to protect you from all of the harm in the world.

he even considered doing something about the boy who pushed you around, but suna knows that you wouldn't want him to meddle in personal affairs, even if it was for your sake.

so he opts to comfort you in his long arms instead.

"i'll never let another boy hurt you ever again." suna vowed a promise as he held your crying figure close.

© lowercase intended | loveephia

#YES. #THIS IS A REFRENCE TO MY OLD SUNA ANGST POST #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!! #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x y/n #hq x reader #hq x y/n #hq hcs #tooth rotting fluff #hq #haikyū!! #haikyuu anime #haikyuu #suna x you #suna rintaro x y/n #hq suna #suna rintarō #suna x reader #suna rintarou #suna rintaro drabbles #suna rintaro x you #suna rintaro x reader #suna rintaro oneshot #suna rintaro fic #suna rintarou x you #suna rintarou x reader

[kitashousewife]

“m’gettin sick,” osamu sniffles from his cocoon on the couch. ever since he got home he’s been quiet and sleepy, cuddling up with a blanket despite being hot to the touch.

one thing you’ve learned about osamu, is that he is never sick. ma always joked about how despite every illness that passed through the twins’ schools, teams, or even work; osamu made it out perfectly healthy. you’ve found this to be true. even when you’ve been at your worst, osamu’s immune system has never faltered.

“i can’t be sick,” osamu’s mumbled voice is stuffier than normal, and his nose is a rosy pink. “i got work in the mornin’.”

“not like this, you don’t,” you pour some water from the kettle into his cup and dip the tea bag inside. he waves you off.

“what? just close shop for a day? i can’t do that,” he snatches a few kleenex from the box on the counter, turning around when you raise an eyebrow at him.

“you can actually, and you should.” you slide the tea over to him before heading towards your shared bathroom. “just post something tonight to give everyone a heads up.”

osamu shuffles behind you, tea in one large palm with tufts of kleenex in the other. he huffs when he feels hot once again, flinging off his sweat shirt as quick as he can.

“but kita-“

“kita can deliver to our house, baby. we can bring the rice over a different day.”

you fold your arms and stand by the bath as it fills. osamu copies you, leaning against the doorframe with a pout.

despite being sick as a dog, he won’t go down without a fight. out of principle, of course.

“what about the special i was gonna run?”

“you can do it next week,” you test the water with your palm before adding some epsom salt in.

“what will the regulars do when they head to the store?” osamu puts his palms up dramatically and snorts when you roll your eyes.

“im heading into town tomorrow, i can put a sign in the door. trust me ‘samu, i think they will appreciate you being closed. who wants to eat onigiri from someone with a runny nose?”

he doesn’t say anything. for a minute, you think he’s finally rested his case. after he slips in the bath and lets out a comfortable sigh, he decides to put one last ditch effort in.

“produce gets delivered tomorrow! i have to be there for that!” he’s comically large in the small tub the two of you share, knees folded up as he tries to sink in. you shake your head and he groans.

“fine, fine. okay. i’ll close tomorrow. ya happy?”

“thrilled,” you place a towel next to the tub and sit down. “you need to rest, samu. the shop will be there when you’re better, i promise.”

he pouts again, but this time it’s genuine.

“but i’m never sick,” he splashes water on accident when he leans his head back against the wall. “i take good care of myself! i take my vitamins, drink lots of water, get good sleep,”

your lips tug into a smile.

“and that will help you beat whatever you have even faster. but for now, let’s take it slow okay? get plenty of sleep, heal your body, and stay home.”

osamu nods, and let’s his eyes close. he soaks for a few minutes, relishing in the relief his achey joints feel for the first time all day. while he gets ready for bed, he can’t help but feel his heart swell as he watches you grab extra blankets for his side, knowing he will probably be chilly tonight.

“i’m probably gonna sore with all this shit in my nose,” he sinks under the covers, propping his head up on the extra pillows you set up for him.

“you snore anyway,”

“do not! ya liar,” he smacks your bum when you snuggle up next to him. “don’t touch me, i’ll get ya sick. i’m real contagious,”

you place a big kiss on his forehead before getting back to your original spot.

“i’ll take my chances,” you listed to osamu’s steady heart while he falls asleep. osamu is always taking care of you, grabbing your favorite things from the shop because he’s thinking of you. carrying you when your feet hurt from the heels he told you not to wear, bringing you glasses of water because he knows you aren’t drinking enough, and never asks for anything in return.

“i love ya,” osamu whispers, half asleep and hums when you squeeze him closer.

“i love you too, samu. sleep well.”

#osamu x reader #osamu x reader fluff #osamu miya #miya osamu #osamu fluff #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #hq fluff #osamu

[lees-chaotic-brain-reblogs]

Haikyuu Fic Recs

Note: I do sometimes link my reblogs bc there is literally nothing I hate more than clicking on a link only to arrive at the ghost blog page.

Blogs to just read through: @emmyrosee @screamin-abt-haikyuu @quirrrky @kairakeiji @augustinewrites @mysterystarz @tahdashi @haikyuuphilia @kitashinsvks @adoringhaikyuu

Oikawa

@atsumwah

If You Had to Pick (fluff)

@ktsumu

Fifth Time's the Charm (fluff)

@verahella

Dad Moments (fluff)

@earthtooz

Young and Beautiful (fluff)

@teddybeartoji

Helping him Stretch (suggestive)

@livinghostly

Back to It (fluff)

@oreosmama

Voicemails After Breakup (angst)

@chimielie

And They Were Roommates (misunderstandings)

Kuroo

@tetzoro

Loser Boyfriend Kuroo (fluff)

@rintaroll

Truth or Drink (exes to lovers)

@tetsuskei

Colleague (office au)

@clubkira

Power Outage (comfort)

@a4nnnnn

Love at First Bite (fluff)

@bluebird-in-the-breeze

The Cafe Critique Project (fluff)

Iwaizumi

@fuyuluvr

I Didn't Mean It (hurt/comfort)

@dumbseee

Idol Girlfriend (fluff)

@sugarlywhispers

Do Something Cute (fluff)

@bananawafers

The Perfect Fit (fluff)

@arhvste

Instagram (fluff)

Akaashi

@fuyuluvr

I Didn't Mean It (hurt/comfort)

@luvring

University with Akaashi (university au)

Ushijima

@ktsumu

A Childhood Bedroom (fluff)

@strwbrryeyes

As a Best Friend (fluff)

Kita

@atsumwah

If You Had to Pick (fluff)

Bokuto

@bananawafers

What Dating him Looks Like (fluff)

Tsukishima

@livinghostly

Cat's Out of the Bag (fluff)

Kenma

@verahella

Dad Moments (fluff)

Kageyama

@verahella

Dad Moments (fluff)

Nishinoya

@sugarlywhispers

Nightmare (comfort)

Tendou

@oreosmama

Voicemails After Breakup (angst)

Daichi

@atsumwah

If You Had to Pick (fluff)

Atsumu

@gojoath-deactivated20240402

Stay for Breakfast (fluff, comfort)

@hihello-pinky

Varsity Crush (fluff)

#lee's brain food #ushijima x reader #fic recs #oikawa x reader #daichi x reader #kageyama x reader #kenma x reader #tsukishima x reader #bokuto x reader #kuroo x reader #akaashi x reader #nishinoya x reader #kita x reader #tendou x reader #haikyuu x reader #asahi x reader

[215-luv]

HQ BOYS AS PEOPLE YOU SHOULD DATE

AKAASHI: offers to buy you a book you love and will insist if you say no

TSUKISHIMA: will dedicate a music playlist for you & will lowkey feel upset if you don’t listen to them even if he’ll say he won’t care

BOKUTO: will carry you on his back when he notices your feet are starting to hurt from walking and standing all day

KAGEYAMA: keeps himself awake as he forces his eyelids to open just to listen to your rambles in the middle of the night

IWAIZUMI: will always insist on walking you home from a date/from school just because he’s not comfortable with you going home alone

OSAMU: will study the recipe of your favorite dishes so he can personally be the one to fill your stomach with a healthy and delicious meal

USHIJIMA: has those books about dating and ‘how to be a good boyfriend’ with annotations and sticky notes adjourned onto the pages

DAICHI: will watch with you your favorite movies even if he doesn’t like them

SUNA: will always hold you through a crowd because he wouldn’t want you to get lost from his sight

TANAKA: will volunteer to wait through a long line for you as he insists you sit on the closest bench/chair to wait for him

KUROO: teases you for alot of times but then will immediately beg for forgiveness when he notices you ignoring him

OIKAWA: who will call you with the most flustering to the cringiest nicknames like sweetheart, darling, angel, sweet pea but will be respectful & quickly step down when you feel uncomfortable with it

KENMA: will let you play his console and will think you’re cute (with a blush on his face) whenever you get angry and upset over a game

HINATA: will make you smile and cry from laughter whenever you feel down

SEMI: will compose a whole album with different songs that speaks his love for you

KITA: asks and hears out your opinion first before he decides to do something, and will still respect (as he should) it even if it contradicts to his own opinion

ARAN: insists on carrying your stuff as he walks you to class / carrying your bag as he walks you home or when you both are on a date together

KONOHA: will let you wear his sweater that’s embedded with his mouth-licking scent (he knows)

ATSUMU: has a photo of you in his wallet in which everytime he opens it, he couldn’t help but let out a smile in adoration

SAKUSA: will always remind you that you’re supposed to message him when you get home the moment you separate ways from a date just so he can know you went home safe and sound

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x you #akaashi x reader #tsukishima x reader #bokuto x reader #kageyama x reader #iwaizumi x reader #osamu x reader #daichi x reader #ushijima x reader #suna x reader #tanaka x reader #kuroo x reader #oikawa x reader #kenma x reader #hinata x reader #semi x reader #konoha x reader #kita x reader #aran x reader #atsumu x reader #sakusa x reader

[rishiguro]

ANAGAPESIS - K. SHINSUKE

warnings: break up. heartbreak. self-deprecating thoughts. hurt/no comfort. 3.2k words.

angstober event

kita sighed as he closed the door behind him, the day’s fatigue springing onto him as soon as he took his shoes off, neatly placing them away and putting his slippers on.

it wasn’t particularly often that he had bad days, but he couldn’t exactly hide from them forever.

sure, he had a job he loved, putting all of his passion in it, but nothing really seemed to go right today. he found security and sense in his routines and yet somehow everything was misplaced or even missing today, throwing off his entire schedule.

but he was so glad to be home.

he couldn’t wait to fall into your arms and feel the weight on his shoulders disappear, letting himself be comforted by your warmth.

usually he’d come home and be greeted by you. you’d have some dinner together, either some leftovers or something one of you made (sometimes you prepared dinner together), and calmly let the day pass.

your shared apartment was more that just a few walls and furniture — it was his home, his safe place.

however, today he found you sitting in the living room, dressed in some jeans instead of the usual sweatpants. he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

“hey, love,” he greeted you with a warm smile, stepping closer to you, “you going out?”

oddly enough, you didn’t greet him cheerfully like you often did, instead only throwing a weak smile in his direction before looking down to your hands. “can we talk?” you immediately asked him with an almost timid voice.

“sure” kita sat down beside you, his entire body aching as he did so. he could only barely stop himself from letting out a relieved moan as he finally sat down again. grabbing your hand, he turned his entire attention to you. you were fidgeting, toes wiggling on the floor, as if you were anxious. “is everything okay? you seem distressed”

you took a deep breath before absentmindedly chewing on your thumb’s nail. as soon as you noticed however, you immediately brought your hand down, clenching it in your lap. your actions however only confirmed kita’s suspicion. you chewed on your lower lip for a moment before you decided to speak up. “it’s not. i- i need to tell you something,” you felt your heart race in your chest as you spoke, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. you quickly glanced over to kita, noticing the deep frown on his face and his tired, sunken eyes.

it was obvious that he had a hard day and here you were, only making it worse. could you really do that to him?

for a second you paused, before mentally shaking your head. no. you didn’t really have a choice, did you? you couldn’t just continue lying to him.

he deserved better.

“and i feel terrible for bringing it up now, but i don’t think this can wait any longer”

kita nodded slowly, rubbing a thumb over the back of your hand slowly. “okay”

he patiently waited for you to begin, yet your mouth went completely dry.

just how were you going to say this to him? could you even do it?

you knew you had to – you didn’t have a choice.

but how could you hurt someone who never did anything to hurt you?

“hey, take a deep breath,” he mumbled to you, “whatever it is, it’ll be alright, i promise”

you clenched your jaw, turning your head away from him and squeezing your eyes shut.

just why did he have to be so damn understanding? why did he have to be so loving and caring?

why was he everything you ever wanted in somebody?

and why were you planning on breaking him?

“love? talk to me,” he spoke softly, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze after bringing it up to his lips and pressing a small kiss on it. “whatever it is, together we can work this out”

don’t do this. don’t be like this. just this one time.

you quickly shook your head, still not looking at him, when you felt your eyes getting teary.

“i don’t think we can work this out, shin,” you whispered, afraid that if you spoke any louder, your voice would break.

before he could even reply, you turned to him, looking at him with teary eyes. “i think we should break up”

kita could only look at you, completely shocked.

was this supposed to be a joke?

no, you would never joke about things like that.

then why?

after way too many moments of silence, kita could still only bring himself to mutter one word. “why?”

you hated to see him like this. his eyes were wide in horror, if not even shock, as he looked at you completely confused. his hand, the same one that held yours so securely just a few minutes ago, was loose around yours, like he wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be touching you. his eyes, albeit wide open, looked more like he was staring right through you, not focusing on a single thing.

you hated this look on his face.

meanwhile kita felt like he couldn’t breathe, his thoughts running wild, filling his head with way too many concerns at once, before he managed to sort them, the next words spilling over his lips.

“did i do something wrong? did i hurt you?”

he looked so sad, so full of sorrow and guilt.

he couldn’t do anything to hurt you.

pressing his lips into a thin line he looked at your still intertwined hands, giving you a short, weak squeeze. he swallowed down a lump in his throat, looking down in shame before meeting your gaze again. “love, i’m so sorry”

how could he be sorry for something he never did?

“just tell me what it is and i promise i’ll do everything i can to fix it” he sounded so sure, like it was a fact that he was the one that did something wrong, that he had to make up for something, that he was the one at fault.

you were used to kita speaking with a matter-of-factly-tone, no matter what the actual subject matter was. but how could he be so convinced that he did something wrong? he— the one that always thought about the things he did, the one that always thought about what he said, the one that was always sure of what he did and always made sure to care for you, to love you.

and to never hurt you. and he never did.

but you had to hurt him.

you looked down on your intertwined hands, torn between the urge to give his hand a squeeze or pulling yours away. but could you really let him go? “no, shin, listen-,” you tried, only to have him jump in immediately, like he didn’t really hear you in the first place.

“and if you still want to do this, i’ll respect it, i promise. just please, let me do this,” he asked, no, begged, with a sad smile on his face.

it was safe to say that kita felt like you had just pulled the rug away under his feet. he felt lost, confused and most of all guilty. he had always tried to be the best version of himself for you, be the best partner he could possibly be— and even more than that.

did he slack off recently? did he forget an important date? did he neglect you?

“shin”

mentally he ran through the past days, weeks, months, the whole last years, analyzing pretty much everything he could remember. every time you fought, every dumb argument and heated discussion, every time his tone was a little off, every time he didn’t really understand just what you wanted from him and every small thing he might have forgotten. the days he forgot to ask you how your day was, the times he could only give you a short kiss before rushing out the door, the number of times he came home and simply wanted to go to bed, not having the energy to spend a lot of time with you after an excruciatingly hard day working.

was it all too much for you?

he rushed out the door one too many times, his tone was too sharp one too many times, he forgot to kiss you properly one too many times.

he couldn’t really blame you.

but was it really that? was it all of that? was it something else?

were you going to leave him hanging like this?

pressing his lips to a thin line, he forced himself to focus back to you. “at least tell me what i did wrong, please,” kita asked before lowering his head again, taking a deep breath to distract himself from his racing heart, blinking rapidly to get rid of the few stray tears in his eyes. “don’t just leave me like this”

you closed your eyes in shame, not wanting to look at kita so broken.

while he kept asking himself what he had done to you and why you never felt safe enough to talk to him about this, you asked yourself how you could do this to him.

a sad smile on your lips, you shook your head, still not daring to take your hand away from his, desperate to feel his warmth for as long as he would allow you to. “you didn’t do anything wrong, shin,” you whispered through the lump in your throat, your voice all hoarse, “nothing”

nothing?

his head shot up, looking at you with wide and teary eyes. “then why?”

and despite that he looked so calm and even resigned, like he wasn’t even going to protest as soon as you provided him with your reason.

now it was you who looked away, biting your lip as you stared on the floor. “i just,” you stopped, not even wanting to actually say it out loud and make it real. you didn’t want to believe it, much less say it. you still hoped that this was just a weird, long dream, one that you would wake up from and everything would be the way it was before.

you would wake up next to him and he would already be awake, greeting you with his deep morning voice, with a small and loving smile. you would simply mumble some greeting, still half asleep, and move over, putting your head on his chest. his hands would find their way on your back and your heart would skip a beat, your entire body filling with love.

but you haven’t woken up for multiple weeks by now. and you didn’t wake up now.

“i just fell out of love with you”

just like that, kita felt his heart stop in his chest, shattering into a million pieces.

you fell out of love with him.

he nodded slowly, spacing out.

so there was nothing he could do anymore, huh?

did he do too little for you? did he get too used to having you by his side? should he have been more attentive, take you out more, give you more flowers, more compliments and little gifts. he should’ve held you more, kissed you more, loved you more.

he should’ve been more.

maybe then you wouldn’t have fallen out of love with him.

“for how long have you been feeling like this?” he asked slowly, sounding almost shy, like he didn’t want to actually know.

and he truly didn’t.

for how long had he made you feel like this, for long did you feel like you had to stay in a relationship you didn’t want to be in solely because of him?

“i don’t know. for too long”

you knew exactly what thoughts were running in his head. you knew how he must be blaming himself, how he was trying to find any kind of fault in himself.

and there was nothing you could to to relieve him from this, even though none of this was his fault.

you doubted there was anybody at fault — and if there was, you were sure that it would be you.

you were the one that was breaking up with him, you were the one breaking his heart, you were the one that wasn’t perfect, unlike him.

he was always perfect. and that’s what hurt you so much.

he was the ideal partner — he was caring, loving, attentive. honest, loyal, open and always communicating. he was firm, but not strict or mean, never making you feel belittled. and if he did fuck up and do something wrong, he was quick to realize his mistake and apologize, willing to do everything to make up for it and change his behavior.

he was everything anybody could ever want.

and you were throwing him away just like so.

“okay,“ he whispered, nodding to himself before pulling his hand away, clasping his other one with it and putting them in his lap, taking his warmth away from you.

your fingers itched to reach out to him again, try to comfort him, protect him from the same pain that you inflicted on him. you clenched your jaw, clenching your hands into fists instead and digging your nails into your palm. “shinsuke, i’m sorry. i’m so, so sorry”

“it’s okay,“ he breathed out, the corners of his mouth reflexively turning up for a second.

you shook your head, swallowing repeatedly. how was this okay or fair? and how could he even thing about comforting you when he was feeling like you were effectively ripping his heart out? “no”

“it is,” he replied immediately, a sad smile on his lips as he looked at you for a short moment. “you can’t choose how you feel, can you?”

you knew he was right — and yet that didn’t give you any comfort. instead, it only made your chest constrict in pain as you clenched your fist even more, feeling tears welling up in your eyes.

“i never wanted to hurt you,“ you breathed out, voice so weak that you felt like you couldn’t speak up without starting to cry.

why were you the one crying?

“i know” kita smiled sadly at you, looking down at his feet.

silence settled over the two of you, both of you occupied with your thoughts, before you decided to speak again.

“i packed a few things and i’ll stay over at a friend’s house,” you started slowly, getting up from the couch and stepping away from him. “and, uh, look for a place”

kita didn’t look up at you (probably for the better, you didn’t think you could handle his teary face), instead only nodding slightly, playing with the fingers in his lap. “okay”

you left him sitting there, rushing into your once shared bedroom to pack some essentials into a bag.

as you grabbed some clothes, you tried to ignore your blurring vision and the heavy feeling in your chest.

you didn’t want to leave him behind like that as you were gathering your things to leave what has been your shared home for so long.

and yet you had to, you knew it was the best thing to do.

because staying with him would hurt him even more.

when you returned, kita was still sitting in the same spot, looking like he hadn’t moved an inch.

and truly, he didn’t — he felt paralyzed.

was he not good enough? where did he go wrong?

what could he have done to make you fall out of love with him?

he dug his teeth into his bottom lip, clenching his eyes shut, like that would stop the tears from welling up in his eyes.

you shook your head at the sight.

how he could just sit there and let you break his heart, just like that?

“why aren’t you mad at me? you should be yelling at me, cursing at me, anything!” you bursted out, your bag falling on the floor next to you. kita jumped as he heard your voice, turning his head to look at you. he expected you to look angry, irritated, anything but seeing you with tears running over your cheeks. “why are you just letting me break your heart?”

he swallowed thickly before giving you another comforting smile, like the tears on his face weren’t even there.

“it’s not your fault. you can’t choose who you love” he let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head slightly at his words. “and also not who you fall out of love with”

you looked over at him, looking him up and down before speaking again, your voice slightly agitated. “so? how can you just take it like that?” you asked, gesturing in the air.

how could he just sit there and do nothing?

“nothing i’ll say will change this, won’t it?” he simply stated, sounding resigned. he looked over at you, noticing how you stayed silent, proving his point. “that’s why”

contrary to how that might look, kita wanted nothing more than to fight this. he didn’t want to let you or this relationship go.

he didn’t want to let go of the lazy mornings or late evenings, the trips to the farmers market or the dates at bakeries or cafés, the warm cuddles or cooking dates.

but did he really have a choice?

“i don’t want this, i still love you. i can’t look at you leave, knowing that there’s nothing i can do,” he confessed, twiddling his thumbs as he spoke. “but i will respect your choice and i will not fight to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me anymore”

a pained, but warm smile appeared on his face again when he noticed the tears rolling over your cheeks. “it’s okay. i’m not going to yell at you and i’m not going to call you names or hurt you in any way for something you can’t control”

you swallowed, grabbing your own thigh and digging your nails into the fabric of your pants. you couldn’t even look at him.

you were such a coward.

“why do you have to be so understanding, even in this moment?”

he sighed softly. “you know why,” he whispered, feeling the tears in his how eyes again, “i cannot bring myself to be mad at you and i don’t think i’m able to give you what you want right now. i’m sorry”

he was too good for you. and you were everything he wanted.

“don’t be” you shook your head, trying to blink away the tears as you wiped over your cheeks. “it was dumb to even try to bring you to yell at me. even dumber to ask you to do this to make this easier on me” you let out a breathy laugh, shaking your head at yourself. “especially since i’m the one breaking up with you”

you scoffed at yourself before picking up your bag and finally walking towards the door, opening it with shaky hands.

and even though you had thought about this for weeks, way longer than you’d ever like to admit, you weren’t ready for a life without him.

“i’m sorry, shinsuke,” you croaked, still standing in the doorway with your back to him, “i really am”

“i know“ was all you heard before shutting the door behind you and walking away from your home, your relationship, him.

kita always strived for perfection and nothing less of perfection, not just finding comfort in it, but also believing that everybody deserved nothing but the best of him. and that belief has never failed him.

until now.

until he failed you.

reblog and comment to support your fanfic writers

#₊❏❜ ⋮angstober ‘23 #₊❏❜ ⋮haikyuu #kita x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu angst #haikyuu x you #kita x you #kita shinsuke x you #kita angst #kita shinsuke x reader #haikyuu imagines #hq x reader #haikyu x reader #hq kita #hq angst #hq x you #haikyuu kita #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu oneshot #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu!! #kita shinsuke #kita shinsuke angst #hq scenarios #hq headcanons #haikyuu x gender neutral reader

[lavbloom]

spilled ink

sakusa kiyoomi x reader

you've spent the past few months mentally preparing to get the tattoo that means so much to you, conquering your intense fear of needles, and thankfully it'll be your bubbly bestie shouyo giving you this tattoo . . . right?

18+ (seriously please), banter city, grumpy-but-blushing kiyoomi & disaster-sunshine reader, fluff and semi hurt/comfort, mentions of needles/fear of them, allusions to sex (smut in later chapters)

a/n: so that sakusa x reader post i made over a year ago . . . not 3.5k. more than that. definitely more. anyway, here is chapter one of three ish??? much love, lav 💜💜

You catch the slight tremor in your hand once it’s on the door handle and give it a firm shake, as though you can wiggle the nerves right out of your body. This is fine, you force yourself to think as you push open the shop door. Everything is going exactly as planned. You’re on time for the appointment, Alisa is going to pick you up afterwards to get takeout and fall asleep watching movies on her couch, and Shouyo is going to be as kind and supportive as ever. 

You can do this. 

Inside, Black Jackal Tattoo & Piercing is quieter than the busy street outside, and the bustle of the sidewalk is swept away as the door closes behind you. The only sound is the click of a keyboard, the squeak of your shoes on the tiled floor, and a distant shrill sound that comes and goes as you make your way to the desk.

A head of ginger hair shoots up from behind the desk, fluffy like a dandelion head, and you manage some small relief when Shouyo grins at you from where he’s abandoned whatever paperwork he was typing up on the shop’s computer. 

“You’re here!” He comes rushing out from behind the desk to hug you - Shouyo Hinata has always been, for better or worse, a hugger - and you let him bounce around you for a moment while he does his eager-puppy routine. “Alisa said you were so nervous you almost puked last night, so I didn’t know if you’d show!”

“Of course I was gonna show,” you say with a wobbly laugh, fighting down the urge to actually puke all over Shouyo’s shoes. “You went through all the trouble of getting me a slot between your appointments, it’s the least I could do.” 

“Yeah,” Shouyo says, bright smile suddenly dimming and hand scratching the back of his neck. “For sure.” There’s a long pause while he watches you watch him, and you can already feel that bile rising -

“I can’t, um, actually do your appointment.”

“What the hell, dude?!” 

“Ow!” Shouyo grimaces, rubbing his shoulder, but you think he’s just being dramatic - you didn’t whack him that hard. “Rude! It wasn’t my idea, okay, but Atsumu called in sick -”

“Naturally.”

“- and I’m the only one whose slots will cover his afternoon appointment. It’s, like, this super big addition to some guy’s sleeve, and everyone else has appointments by four. It’s an emergency!”

You sigh through your nose, arms crossed tight over your chest as Shouyo pleads for you to understand. The tremble has returned to your hands, you notice, and you hope keeping them pressed under your arms hides the worst of it. 

“I’m so sorry, Y/N, I really thought I could help -”

“Sho, it’s fine, I’ll just - I’ll come back another day.”

“I mean, you can still do it. I actually, um, wouldn’t recommend skipping the appointment now,” he adds, mouth twisting in thought, “Sakusa would be pissed. He kinda hates having people make last minute cancellations like that.” 

The name has you grimacing, and Shouyo definitely catches the recognition in your eyes, if his wince is anything to go by. A mental image of dark, piercing eyes and a permanent scowl flash through your head, and you let out a quiet sigh. 

Shouyo continues, “He’s, like, a total stickler for a schedule - not like Kita, but also not somebody you wanna piss off.” 

“So . . . you’re saying I still have an appointment?”

“Yeah!”

“With a total stranger? Who’s an asshole?” 

“Well, I mean . . . kind of?” Shouyo scrunches his face up, considering, and then nods again. “Yeah, pretty much.” 

“And why would I want to not only not have my friend with me,” you say, making Shouyo whine another apology, “but switch to having some random asshole coworker of his stab tiny needles into me instead?” 

“Y/N -”

“Because,” a low voice from the corner of the room says, “he isn’t some random asshole coworker of Hinata’s, but a competent and professional asshole coworker?” 

The voice sends a chill down your spine that has nothing to do with the shop’s impressively strong air conditioning. You know you’re going to have to turn around now, but your feet seem to move in slow motion, heart hammering as your eyes meet a dark glare from across the room. 

Sakusa, a.k.a. Shouyo’s competent and professional asshole coworker, is immediately too tall and too grouchy to be anything but intimidating. You can’t even gauge how tall he might be from across the room because you’re too busy trying not to stare directly into that deeply-etched frown, his brow furrowed so intently that you think the muscles might just freeze in that spot forever. He’s got his arms crossed, too, but you’re not sure what reason he has to be that guarded; after all, you’ll be the one being stabbed. 

You’ve at least confirmed why the name Sakusa sounded so familiar: this is the same Sakusa you met when Shouyo was first brought on at Black Jackal, stiff and frowning back then, too. You remember the glare he sent you and Shouyo from above his black face mask, hovering by the door of his little studio room, itching to dart back inside and close the door behind him. 

You also remember the delicate curl of the ivy on his shoulder, revealed by his sleeveless black shirt, trailing down the lightly freckled skin of his bicep. You remember the tilt of his head as he studied you up and down, the slight pinch of his brow as he crossed his arms, the feeling of his stare on the back of your head as you said hello to Atsumu and Bokuto. You remember the lingering coldness as he closed his studio door, like a chill wind sweeping through the hallway in his wake, something elemental about his presence. 

Shit.

“I take it this is your friend,” Sakusa says, nodding in your direction as he turns back to Shouyo, like you’re not even in the room anymore - this just gets better and better. The idea of putting yourself in this guy’s hands for the next forty five minutes is making your insides twist around on themselves, and you can’t tell if it’s from anxiety or the prospect of being alone in his studio, as Alisa would probably say with a silly wink. “I thought you meant Yachi.”

“No, Yachi’s not - I mean, she wouldn’t really get a tattoo. This is Y/N.” Shouyo explains, although Sakusa’s face remains impassive. “I mean, I know this is last minute -” 

“It’s fine.”

Clearly, it’s not. He’s glowering as though you’ve done him a personal slight by scheduling yourself on the day that Miya got sick; he’s got his hands shoved into the pockets of his black cargo pants now as he shifts off of the wall, but you’re sure they’re clenched. 

“Seriously, Hinata,” Sakusa continues, lifting one shoulder in a deeply disgruntled shrug. “I don’t care. Just wish Miya had thought to get his fucking flu shot when I told him to, idiot.” 

“Yeah,” Shouyo tries for a laugh, but he’s never been much of a liar. “Anyway, Y/N’s pretty nervous, so maybe they can just come back another day? I thought -”

“I looked at your design,” Sakusa interrupts, gaze locking with yours again. It’s intense, holding you in place while he speaks. “It’ll only take about thirty minutes, if that. Do you seriously need Hinata to do it? Because if you’re just going to cancel, I could’ve come in when I was supposed to.” 

You press your lips together, trying to fish for a way to get out of this appointment - and trying to figure out if you even want to. Your stomach is still churning with nerves, that’s for sure, but the way Sakusa is watching you, pinning you in place with just his gaze as you scramble for an answer, is something you had only let yourself think about the night after you’d met him, assuming you’d hardly see Shouyo’s distant and rude coworker again. 

“I . . .” 

“Y/N, you can cancel.” Shouyo is also a bad whisperer - subtlety in general was never his strong suit. But he’s giving you a way out, probably having to deal with Sakusa after your hasty retreat, so you only feel a rush of gratitude as he offers you a smile. “It’s no big deal, no matter what this grinch has to say about it.” He hooks a thumb in his coworker’s direction, still giving you that knowing smile. 

Sakusa sputters for a moment, the most human thing you’ve ever seen him do. “I’m not - Hinata, shut up.” 

You can’t help it - you snort. There’s something about indignance on Sakusa’s face that is too funny not to get to you, and you only laugh more when he shoots you a sharp glare. He’s intimidating, sure, but if Shouyo can get under his skin, then he’s more than fallible.

You take a deep breath, sighing through your nose as you shrug. “It’s fine. I wouldn’t want to have wasted anyone’s time.”

Your gaze tilts to Sakusa, whose frown has finally smoothed into something resembling cordiality. “Is now okay to start? I wanna get this over with.” 

Black Jackal is an odd maze of little hallways and dead ends, and you shuffle just behind Sakusa, trailing after him like a kid scared of getting lost in a mall. 

“You know,” he says over his shoulder once you reach the back of the shop. “Tattoos are usually optional.” 

“Yeah? And?”

“Well, you keep talking about this one like you don’t have a choice in the matter.” 

The door of his studio is plain, save for a small sign that reads his name - Sakusa Kiyoomi, you read - and a little frowny face etched into the wood. 

“Is that the kind of artistry I should be expecting?” You ask, reaching past him to tap on the carving, and Sakusa rolls his eyes. 

“Fuckin’ Miya,” he mutters, and you nod in understanding. 

“Ruffians,” you say, nodding sagely. “They’ll graffiti anything nowadays, nothing is safe.” 

You think you see the ghost of a smile on his mouth as Sakusa lets you inside, following and closing the door behind both of you. 

The inside isn’t nearly as plain as you’d suspected. The walls, a cool dove gray, are papered over with designs and photos, magazine spreads carefully tacked up alongside rough sketches and inked canvas, everything with its own place in the sprawling inspiration board that seems to be Sakusa’s studio. His supply cart is neat but plentiful, coloured ink shining under soft lights in a rainbow of options, and there’s a half finished takeout coffee and bagel on the small desk in the corner, clearly his effort at breakfast while he set up for the day. 

“You didn’t answer my question,” Sakusa says from behind you, and you turn on your heel to face him. He’s got his arms crossed - again, oh my god - and even through his dark green pullover, his shoulders look ridiculously touchable. Meant to be grabbed, really, used as an anchor to pull yourself up and -

“Why are you acting like you’re being forced to get this tattoo?” His face scrunches slightly in displeasure. “You didn’t lose a bet or anything like that, right?”

“No!” You feel your face heat up, thinking about the insinuations, and remembering that he’s seen the design. You can’t help but let your gaze lower, dropping to rest on his shiny black docs. “It’s not like that at all. I just . . . I’ve been thinking about doing this for a long time, and Shoyou went through all the trouble to help me design it, but I . . .”

And here it comes, the lamest, most pathetic part of this whole ordeal. You swallow the nerves bundled in the back of your throat, clearing the way for your confession. It comes out quiet and sharp. 

“I’m just really fucking scared of needles, alright? They freak me out, and this is a thousand of them going into me over a long period of time, and - and it’s freaky and fucked up, okay?”

You’re expecting Sakusa’s coldness, a scoff or an eye roll - hell, given his attitude so far, even a request not to waste his time. What you aren’t expecting is the undignified snort he lets out. 

His mouth is pressed tight when your eyes dart back up to his face, like he’s holding in another little laugh, and his brows are raised, a little disbelieving. 

“Don’t laugh at me, god!”

“I’m not.” Sakusa’s frown is morphing slowly into something resembling a smile, which rests in the apples of his cheeks more than his mouth, lifting his face until the gloom that hovered over him is evaporating. “It’s just that that’s so normal, and you’re so embarrassed . . . you really don’t have to be.” He snorts again, and you scowl. “No wonder you’re friends with Hinata, you’re just as fuckin’ dramatic.”

“Shut up,” you snap, but Sakusa’s halfway-smile is warming the chill in the studio too well for you to be annoyed. You find your shoulders relaxing a bit as he moves to his desk, taking a sip of his coffee while he rifles through some papers stacked neatly between binders. You take a seat on the rolling stool he nods to, waiting next to the desk for him to find what he needs; you try not to notice how he looms above you, but it’s difficult when you have a front-row seat to his broad hands shuffling around his papers. 

“A lot of people get scared, especially once they actually get here and see the machine and everything,” he shrugs, handing you a few of the papers. Consent forms and the like, you realize as you scan the top one. Sakusa has a pen held out for you before you can even ask. “It’s not weird. I mean, you’re letting some random asshole stab tiny needles into you, right?”

You can’t help the cringe that passes over your face, and though he doesn’t laugh again, you can see the teasing glimmering in his eyes. “Sorry about . . . that.”

“It’s fine, I’ve been called worse.” He drums his fingertips on the desk, and the nervousness of the gesture warms you even further. The studio is thawing like a fresh spring day after a storm, and you find yourself breathing a bit deeper as you slowly fill out the paperwork. “Meian sometimes warns people ahead of time that I’m a bit blunt.” 

“Blunt?” You echo him without meaning to, distracted by the process of the paperwork and easing ever so slightly under his teasing. 

“Okay, he warns people that I’m a dick,” Sakusa says, and the rueful note in his voice catches your attention and draws you away from the form in your hand. “No filter, or whatever.” 

“Oh, come on,” you say, tapping the pen on your thigh, squinting at him in your own turn of disbelief. “You’ve gotta know how scary you are when you walk around all mean and grouchy like that. You’re, like, seven foot fourteen and dressed like a bouncer at a goth rave, you can’t also be an asshole, you’re intimidating enough as it is!” 

You really need to learn when to keep your mouth shut, you think, because Sakusa’s face drops, brow suddenly knitted tight again as he stares you down, and you’re reminded of how right you are about how intimidating he is when he glares like that. 

“Do I really dress like I’m at a goth rave?”

“. . . what?”

“Do I,” he repeats slowly, “dress like I’m at a goth rave?” 

And then you see it: the smallest twitch of his cheek, and your horror turns to annoyance in two seconds flat. “Maybe you do.”

“Hm. Seems a bit uncalled for.” 

“Seems like you just proved my point exactly, actually,” you shoot back, holding out the paperwork for him to take. “And I didn’t say you were at a goth rave, I said you dress like a bouncer at one. You know, like you’re there to be all serious and break up fights and shit.” 

“You’ve got a lot of experience with goth raves?” Sakusa asks as he files the paperwork away in a drawer and reaches across the desk to get a pump of hand sanitizer. The sterile smell permeates the small space, and you feel your insides twist, hands clutching the seat of the stool tight. 

“No, I just -” you pause, searching for the words while trying not to throw up in Sakusa’s studio. He might be warming up now, but you doubt he’d love that. “I don’t know.” You made me nervous doesn’t feel like a great explanation, not with the next thirty minutes of being in his personal space about to begin.  

He studies you for a long moment before jerking his chin, motioning for you to stand. “First, you’re going to sit there -” he points to the soft, leather chair that takes up so much space in the little studio, “and you’re also going to calm down for a minute, because I will cancel this appointment for you if you get sick in here.”

“Knew it,” you mumble, mostly to yourself, as you pull yourself up onto the table, the material soft and smooth beneath your bare thighs. Your legs swing off of it and you feel so exposed, though you haven’t changed your position much; you press your thighs together anyway, keeping your hands in your lap as though to cover up. 

“Knew what?” Sakusa is rummaging around in his desk drawer again, and you move your gaze to the designs on the far wall. It’s a delicate series of ocean waves and marine life, and the broad expanse of coral reef you’re looking at is a bit better than looking at any of the equipment. 

“Knew you’d hate puke,” you say lightly, trying for nonchalance and managing only to sound like you’re being strangled from the inside out. “You have the vibe.”

“Are there people who like it?” 

“I mean, everyone’s got their own thing -”

“No, stop. No talking about that in here.”

You clamp your mouth shut, and don’t move a muscle until you feel something fuzzy on the back of your hand. When you look down, startled, a palm-sized ferret plush is sitting next to your hand on the table. 

“What the fuck is that?”

Sakusa is glaring when you look back up at him, but there’s no real venom to it, so you only notice how the scowl makes his eyelashes stand out more, soft and shadowed beneath his pinched brow. Well, fuck. 

“I’m not the best at - at being . . .”

“Nice?” You supply helpfully.

“. . . Comforting.” He purses his lips, and you try not to pay too much attention to them. “Bokuto got him for me to use when I started, so that he can make people feel better when I . . . don’t.”

“A ferret?” You ask, prying your fingers from the hem of your skirt to pick the critter up, holding him carefully in your lap. 

“A weasel, actually,” Sakusa says, still scowling. “His name is Itachi.”

“Why does his tag say Omi-Omi, then?” You ask, pinching the fabric between your fingers and squinting at the messy handwriting. 

“Because Atsumu fucking sucks.”

It surprises a laugh out of you, though a bit shaky, and Sakusa’s scowl eases back into that glimmering, knowing look, not quite a smile but on its way there. You press the weasel against your stomach, hoping to relax the knots it’s tied itself into, and look to Sakusa for direction. 

“So, before we do anything - you’re absolutely sure you aren’t gonna throw up?” 

“Promise.” 

“Good,” and you try so hard not to notice how nice that sounds in Sakusa’s low, quiet voice. God, what is wrong with you? At this point you’re sure Alisa will see right through you when she comes to pick you up and finds you this . . . unsettled. You squish Itachi a bit tighter to ground yourself. “Then I’m going to ask you where you want this thing.” He holds up a piece of paper, Shoyou’s design splashed across it. 

You tap your inner bicep, just above your elbow, and this time Sakusa manages a lopsided smile. 

“Did you do your research for the least intense places to get one?” 

Face burning, you give him an embarrassed nod, though you can’t tell if the problem is him catching you out so easily or the appearance of the very first smile you’ve ever seen Sakusa Kiyoomi wear. 

“I like to be prepared,” you add with a huff, and he only seems to fight off another smile while tugging on a pair of black nitrile gloves. 

“I’m sure you do.” And why the fuck does that line make your face even warmer? “Here - is it alright if I touch you?” 

The gloves are smooth and impersonal as he guides your arm out, positioning it at a good clear angle to work on, and the disinfectant he sprays on the spot is cold enough to make you jump. 

“Sorry,” he mutters, and you try to shrug it off without moving your arm too much. Your stomach is starting to feel wobbly again, and it gives a sudden lurch when Sakusa tugs his work trolley closer to him and pins Shoyou’s design to the side of it for reference, his fingertips starting to skim over the spread of inks available. 

“You’re shaking, by the way,” he says, selecting a jet black ink that you can’t tell the difference from the others, rolling the glass between his fingers as he looks up at you from his seat. “You promised you wouldn’t throw up.”

“And I’m keeping my promise,” you grit out, nearly strangling Itachi in your iron grasp. “I’m not gonna throw up.” 

“Even if I believed that - which I don’t know that I do,” you manage a scowl, though it’s aimed at the floor, “- I can’t exactly do my job on someone who’s shaking like a leaf.” 

“I’m not,” you argue.

Sakusa slowly lifts your hand, and you both watch a shiver run through it. His hand is warm even through the glove, his grip soft on your inner wrist. Your face pinches in defeat and Sakusa just lets out a small sigh through his nose.

“Look, I don’t really do these kinds of appointments.” 

“These kinds?” You echo, tilting your head in confusion, before you slowly nod. “Right, you’re part of the back of house escort service, I forgot. Would it be better if I undressed a little? Make you more comfortable?” 

The baby pink flush this gives Sakusa is so stark of a change that it startles you, and you think the joke was worth your own burning embarrassment at making it. He clears his throat, brow furrowed, but you can clearly see the blush that warms his cheeks, and the uncertain twitch of his mouth, like his brain can’t decide whether to smile or frown. 

“If you’re done interrupting me,” he says, “I meant nervous clients. Meian knows not to bother booking them with me, because it’s - well, it hasn’t gone that well in the past.” 

And you already know this. Shouyo has explained his coworker’s early mishaps while starting at Black Jackal, including the delightful incident where someone did puke in Sakusa’s studio and he had to send them off to Bokuto while he cleaned it top to bottom. His reputation is exactly why Shouyo’s news sent you into a panic: his image in your mind was a looming, scowling asshole who barely spoke two words to you at every visit you’d ever paid your best friend at work (which was too many to count, thanks to Shouyo’s insistence on forgetting things at home.) 

“I’ve heard,” is all you say, and Sakusa’s lips purse. He probably knows exactly what you’ve heard. 

“I don’t know how to . . . make people calm down.” He releases your hand and it drops back down to the worn leather; the absence of his touch is cold, and you miss it immediately. “And I’m guessing me just telling you not to freak out hasn’t been helping?” 

“How did you know?” You ask, voice flattened by the weight of your sarcasm. Sakusa manages another of his ghost smiles, but it fades from his eyes as he takes you in again. From the way he’s watching you, you must look as terrible as you feel right now. 

“Look,” you start, steadying yourself with a small, uneven breath. “I want this tattoo, you don’t want to cancel this appointment, so it seems like the best thing is for us to just - just commit to the bit, you know? So just distract me and it’ll be fine.”

“Distract you?” This suggestion seems to strike Sakusa like an electric charge, jolting him into another startling blush, brow furrowed in frustration. “With what?” 

You swallow a nervous laugh, eyeing his panic like a house cat eyes their pretend prey, and say, “You could take your shirt off or something,” because you’ve completely lost your mind and you want to draw that blush out of him as much as you can. It might be the only distraction you need. 

Sakusa’s face goes bubblegum pink, from his forehead to his - remarkably sharp and pretty - jawline, and something about it makes his eyes even more piercing. He just stares at you as you cackle, your nerves making the laughter bubble up in your stomach like a shaken bottle of sparkling wine. 

“I’m kidding, I swear,” you laugh, face warm and insides fizzing with a wild cocktail of anxiety and helpless endearment. “You can just, you know, talk at me or something. That’s usually how I get through shots and stuff.”

“Oh? This is a recurring issue?” Sakusa is still a little pink as he reaches for his supplies, but reaches out a gloved hand and gently turns your head to face the opposite wall when you look over. “Don’t look, idiot, just stare at the art or something.” 

“Okay,” you nod, a bit breathless even when he finally releases your jaw. You train your gaze on the wave designs you noticed earlier, the detailed strokes a good visual distraction. “Yeah, I don’t like needles, obviously.”

“Obviously,” Sakusa echoes, voice flat. You’re trying to picture his expression, and when you chance a glance you see you nailed it: the scowl and single quirked eyebrow combo he’s used three different times on you today. 

“Yeah, obviously. I know it’s not uncommon, but it’s still, like, embarrassing, you know?” Your fingers twist into Itachi the Weasel’s soft fur. “It’s like a little kid phobia.” 

Sakusa just hums, barely audible, as he wipes a cold towelette across your inner arm, and you suppress a shiver. 

“It’s not that embarrassing,” he says finally, though his words are a bit distant, out of focus, as he concentrates on whatever he’s rifling around with on his cart of supplies. They clink gently as he works, the only sound in the room aside from his quiet murmurs. “You’re doing pretty well. I appreciate that you still haven’t puked.” 

“And I’m not going to,” you insist, pulling a quiet laugh from him. 

“I would hope not.” His gloved hands are back on your arm, repositioning you slightly and then tracing something cool and soft along the skin. When you look down, he’s outlining the design; his movements are so delicate it’s as if he’s pushed all the concentration in his body to his hand. “Not when I’m being so nice, anyway. Now,” he reaches up with his free hand, tilts your chin up and guides your gaze back to the wall of art, “stop looking.” 

You laugh, your stomach fluttering. “But what if you do it bad? I need to see the tracing!” 

When Sakusa’s hand stills for a long moment and he goes quiet, you risk a look back down and see him glaring up at you, though his mouth is twisting away from a smile. 

“I don’t know if you’ve heard,” he says quietly, leaning ever so slightly closer to you, coaxing you to lean forward and meet him, “but I’m really fucking good at what I do.” 

And you don’t mean to say it, you really don’t, but the muttered, “Oh, I bet you are,” just slips out. Sakusa really walked into it, if you think about it. 

And he responds with another deep pink blush, giving a slight cough as he leans back, eyes now glued to your arm as he reaches to continue the design. He nudges your chin up again with his knuckles before he gets back to work. 

The studio is quiet after that, the pair of you letting the tension brew as Sakusa finishes the small tracing and starts sifting through his supplies again. 

“Okay,” he breaks the silence, and there’s a note of concern that wasn’t in his voice before. “I’m going to get started now, but I think you should take a second to breathe. If you start hyperventilating,” he adds sternly, “I will not do this tattoo.”

“I won’t hyperventilate,” you assure him, sounding much more confident than your shaky lungs feel. 

“You’ll be fine,” Sakusa concludes, and he seems to realize how much of a non-comfort this is, because he knocks his elbow against Itachi, where he’s pressed to your stomach. “Remember to squeeze the living shit out of him, alright? He won’t mind - I think.” 

It’s only when that gets a smile out of you that Sakusa continues, and your head turns instinctively when he lifts something from the cart. 

“Eyes on the wall,” he says without even looking up at you, fiddling with the tattoo gun in his hands. You obey, eyes shooting back to the wave designs, trying to trace the patterns instead of thinking about any impending stabbing. “Thank you.” 

“Anytime,” and it comes out as more exhale than speech, but you are managing to  get your breathing under control. 

“I’m going to turn it on now, but -”

The moment the mechanism buzzes to life, you flinch so hard that you almost drop Itachi, and Sakusa gives a little sigh through his nose.

“- I won’t use it yet, because I figured you’d do that.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” you mutter, struggling to put up a teasing glare so he knows you’re joking. Sakusa’s dark eyes are narrowed in thought when you look over at him, averting your eyes from the tattoo gun in his hands. 

“Are you done shaking now?” His fingertips graze your inner wrist, glancing down to study your arm like he’s looking for more tremors. “Because I genuinely can’t do this if you’re moving around, you know.” 

“I know,” you say, a bit breathless at the contact as Sakusa’s hand travels up to rest on the crook of your elbow, steadying your arm. He’s still not looking at you, but you think he can probably feel your eyes on him. “. . . It’s fine. I’ll be fine.”

“The design is small, so it won’t take too long.” He presses on the skin of your inner bicep, shoulders hunching as he moves to get started. “Just say something if you need to take a break.”

You let out a shaky laugh. “And you say you’re bad with nervous clients.”

A beat of silence, broken by Sakusa clearing his throat. “Just repeating the stuff Bokuto always says.”

You give a sharp gasp when the needle finally touches your skin, the sting sudden and swift, and Sakusa doesn’t look up from where he’s carefully inking your skin when he says, “Yeah, it’s not pleasant.” 

“I mean, I figured, but what the hell!” You hiss, face scrunching in displeasure. You suppress a shudder that tries to run through your body as he lifts the needle and then returns it to your skin. 

“Eyes on the wall, Y/N,” he says, and your gaze moves before you realize you’re following his direction. When had you looked back down at him? “You don’t wanna watch me stab you.”

“I said I was sorry about that,” you mutter, and Sakusa just exhales the ghost of a laugh as he continues. 

It’s not unbearable, the pain small but constant, and you focus on the feeling of Sakusa’s hands on you to distract yourself - whether this is really a good plan has yet to be decided. At least it steadies you, his grip sure as he works, and you wonder for a split second how this would be going with someone like Shouyo. You’ve seen your best friend give tattoos before, but the feeling of his distractible, fluttering hands on your arm seems like miles away from the solid reassurance in Sakusa’s hands. There’s something about his concentration, the small pinch returning to his brow whenever you flicker your gaze to him, and the warmth of his broad hands that has your stomach fluttering while your pounding heart eases slightly. 

Maybe this mishap wasn’t the worst possible outcome. 

“Nearly halfway,” Sakusa murmurs, and you catch it in surprise just over the buzz of the machine. 

“Already?” You’re so focused on the feeling of Sakusa holding you that you didn’t even notice ten minutes flick by. 

“Yeah, I told you, a design like this won’t take long.” His hand slides down your arm a bit, holding your inner forearm in place, and his fingers curl around you almost reflexively. You resist the urge to look down as hard as you can, and find yourself outright glaring at the ocean scenes on the opposite wall. “You’re doing really well.” 

And now you’re glaring and flushing, the praise going straight to your hammering heart while you fight the warmth in your face and the twist and turn of your insides as you study his work. The brushstrokes of that middle scene, a huge tidal wave in a myriad of blues and grays and teals, are so delicate that it’s hard for you to pick them apart from across the tiny studio, and you think you want to see Sakusa’s hands do something that delicate. It’s only fair, if you can’t look at him as he so carefully and gently marks your arm when you want to chance a glance so badly. 

“Nearly there,” he says, unreadable as he lifts the needle from your skin, adjusting your arm’s position slightly. “Need a moment?” 

“I -“ You’re not sure if the break is really what you want: your plan was to just get the whole thing over with as quickly as possible, and now your torment is drawing to an end. But your brain is going hazy with Sakusa’s hands on you, and you want to ease into that feeling for a little longer. “. . . Sure, just for a second.” 

“How about ten?” You hear him laugh, the sound low and warm. “And you know you can look wherever you want now, right?” 

Your gaze darts down to meet his, and you catch the tail end of his smile before it sinks below the surface again, just the remnants of it left glimmering in his eyes. 

“You wanna look, or wait until I’m finished?” 

And Sakusa huffs out a laugh because he sees that you’re already sneaking a peek at your half-finished tattoo, the skin around it irritated but the inked lines and curls so entrancing that you want to touch them. Sakusa holds your hand back, placing it over Itachi where you had sat him down next to you on the table. 

“You like it?” The permanent intensity of his gaze makes the question feel like you’re being interrogated, but you just smile.

“Yeah.” You glance back at the design, studying the parts of it that still need to be filled in. “How much longer, do you think?”

“If we keep going right now, I can probably get you out of here by three,” and you swallow your disappointment. Twenty minutes did not give you a lot of time to crack open more of Sakusa’s shell.

“Alright.”

He gets back to work and the studio falls quiet, save for the steady buzz of the gun and the creak of the table each time you shift your legs around. Sakusa’s silence is so complete that you find your gaze wandering down to him, despite your promises to keep your eyes away from the procedure at hand, and you study the crinkle in his forehead as he focuses, the curl that strays between his eyes. He pauses to brush that curl back into place, and the movement is hypnotizing; you can’t stop watching how smooth his motions are, every one deliberate and careful. When he does so his eyes slide over to meet yours, and you sink so deep into his gaze that you can’t even try and pretend like you weren’t staring. 

“Almost done,” he says; his thumb traces the edges of the design, and the smallest sting is left behind on the irritated skin, a mark of his touch. You just nod, your brain moving honey-slow as you watch him. 

“You’re doing fine,” he remarks, head cast down as he finishes his work. “Not nervous anymore?”

“No, I am,” you reply, a bit breathless, “but I’m - you’re - it’s not that bad.” The words clatter their way out of you, awkward and uncertain in your mesmerized haze. His hair catches the studio lights and the curls remind you of the brushstrokes in his art, each rivulet of the tidal wave rendered with individual care, smooth and inviting. You clench Itachi a bit tighter, keeping your hand where it is. 

Sakusa breathes something like a laugh and a sigh, lifting the needle from your skin for the last time. “Well, good, because you’re done. Told you it wouldn’t take too long.” 

He putters about his equipment for a moment, putting things back in their places, and you study his movements as your hand frees Itachi (much to his relief, you’re sure) and reaches for the stinging patch of skin on your inner arm. 

“Don’t touch it,” Sakusa warns, barely glancing at you from where he’s slathering on another round of hand sanitizer. “Unless you want it to get infected.” 

“No, I’m okay, actually.” Your hand drops into your lap as you wait for him to return, legs swinging with your nerves as he finally meets your eyes. 

“You didn’t puke.” Sakusa is giving you that barely-there smile again, and you swear you see the beginnings of a dimple on his right cheek. The urge to run your hands through his curls only grows with this observation, which you really wish it wouldn’t, because talking to him is only getting harder. 

“I didn’t.” 

“Thank you for that,” he says, pulling on a fresh pair of gloves and motioning for your arm. “Hold your arm out straight for me.” 

Warmth creeps up your throat as you do as asked, and Sakusa’s hands are warmer this time when he uses a cotton round to spread a thick layer of ointment onto the design. It shimmers in the light, and you turn your arm slightly to examine his work. 

“I’d ask if it looks okay, but it’s a little late for that.”

“Maybe you should’ve let me look, then,” you try to glare up at him as he crowds into your space a bit, gently laying plastic wrap over the area. You can feel the warmth of him this close, and catch a note of his clean, summery scent, like one of those sweet-scented dryer sheets. “So I could tell you before it’s too late.”

“You would’ve freaked out. Besides, it definitely looks okay. I told you, I’m pretty good at this.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” you manage to roll your eyes, despite the flips your stomach is doing even as he backs away. He retreats to his desk to shuffle through the contents of a cramped drawer, and you watch the broad line of his shoulders stoop as he bends over the drawer. You feel the need to get ahold of yourself, but it’s a distant concern when your head is this floaty. 

“Alright,” and when Sakusa turns back around, folded papers in hand and firm expression fixed on you, you let that concern fizz out entirely, “you’re finished. These are aftercare instructions.” He passes you the papers and waits for you to carefully tuck them into your purse. “Follow them - don’t skip steps or rush the healing process. Understand?” 

“Got it,” you salute, warmth fluttering through you at his low tone. “I can follow instructions.” 

Sakusa just nods, mouth flattened as you gently slide off the leather seat. “I’m sure you can, so I expect you to. I want to see that healed properly the next time you come to see Hinata.” 

“So you’ll actually come say hi, instead of hiding back here?” 

He quirks a brow and you squirm under his questioning gaze, embarrassment flooding you. Was that too obvious? 

“. . . We’ll see. Depends on if you still want to see me after this.” Usually people don’t. The implication hangs between you both, and you yank it aside like you’re letting in fresh air. 

“Well, maybe I do. Is that a problem? Gonna ruin your street cred?” 

“I think you’re going to obliterate it, honestly.” 

“You don’t sound opposed.” And that’s as much a question as it is a jibe; you stand prone in his little studio, waiting for Sakusa to stack up his many walls once more, back where they stood before you followed him into his sanctuary. 

But he just stares back at you, the corner of his lips twitching as his gaze moves from your face to your new tattoo and back again. “Maybe I’m not.” 

A knock at the door startles you out of the fuzzy, warm headspace you’ve sunk so deep into, and both of your heads whip to look at Shouyo, whose fluff of ginger hair is peering around the open door as he looks back at you both. 

“Are you done already? My client’s just taking a break now, and I wanted to come check in . . .” 

Taking a step away from Sakusa - when had you drifted so close to him? - you flash Shouyo a thumbs up and a wane smile. “Totally done! Completely finished!”

“Awesome!” 

It’s quiet as you all head back to the front desk so you can pay, Shouyo seemingly oblivious to the tension brewing between every word you direct at him instead of Sakusa. You leave Black Jackal with a new tattoo and the feeling of Sakusa Kiyoomi’s eyes on your back as you step out the door, finding Alisa already waiting for you, leaning against the passenger door of her parked car. 

“Hey! Lemme see, I bet it’s so cute . . . what’s wrong with you?” She squints at you, hands still on your arm to see the tattoo, and you shrug. 

“Nothing, I’m all good.” 

“So you didn’t freak out?” Alisa asks, pulling you along to the car. “No hyperventilating?”

“No,” you shake your head, sliding into the passenger seat. “I . . . I might go back, get another one. I’m not sure yet.”

“Wow.” Alisa gives you a once-over when she gets into the driver’s seat, turning on the ignition but not taking her eyes off of you. You don’t look over to see if she’s suspicious - you already know her too well for that. “It must’ve gone really well.” 

“Yeah.” You nod slowly, fingers twisting in your lap. “It did.” 

“So Hinata’s actually good at his job?”

“I, um - actually -” You fumble with your words, the last hour crashing through your brain at hyperspeed; there’s no turn of phrase that feels appropriate, not with the bright, too-hot feeling bubbling up inside of you, coaxing a wavering little smile out of you. “Shouyo couldn’t, um, actually he didn’t do it.” 

“Oh?” Alisa pauses before pulling onto the road, her acrylics tapping thoughtfully on the steering wheel before she lets out an obnoxious, dramatic gasp. “Oh! Oh my god, wait, who?” 

“Shut up,” you say instead of answering, burying your warm face in your hands. 

“No way,” she argues, and you feel the car start moving, thank god. Soon you can be embarrassed in peace. “No way, you - it wasn’t Miya, was it? Please tell me it wasn’t.”

“No! No, it wasn’t - it actually was Miya’s fault that Shouyo couldn’t do it, so - I mean, um - it was . . . you know Sakusa?” His name trips off of your tongue, pretty and hushed, and the phantom feel of his hands on your skin makes you shiver.

When you finally look up at Alisa, she’s staring at you in mingled disbelief and delight. “No fucking way.”

“I’ll literally hop out of this moving car, right fucking now.” 

“I didn’t say anything! I just - no way. No fucking way.” 

“Yeah.” You murmur, head tipped back against the headrest, trying not to picture that almost-smile glimmering in his sharp gaze. “No way.” 

#sakusa kiyoomi x reader #sakusa kiyoomi #kiyoomi sakusa #kiyoomi sakusa x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu

[writingmochi]

cast: trainee!niki ✗ seatmate!fem.reader (ft. &team's taki (takayama riki), p1harmony's soul (haku shota), niziu's nina (makino nina), and xg's cocona (akiyama kokona))

synopsis: graduation is such a melancholic concept, happy to finally be able to escape school, but sad that people will separate to their own road. it is no different for riki. on his graduation day, he spends one last day with his seatmate of three years before he pursues his career across the sea

genre: melancholia, hurt/comfort, coming of age, slice of life, trainee au, high school au, fluff, angst

based on: music hindia's "besok mungkin kita sampai" (2019) (genre: indie pop)

word count: 13011 (13k)

warning(s): blood, some curse words, mention of bruises, pretty heavy life stuff even for a high school age

message to the moon: remember that this story is fiction and do be careful and read the warnings at the top. all the idols mentioned here are not what they are in real life. (y/f/n) = your full name!

i had to open up my japan 2020 trip memories to remember the whole atmosphere + adding a bit of my knowledge and experiences too. i have to post this in april since it is the right momentum for it and riki’s graduating class is THIS YEAR! i wanna thank @oiwxa for her insight into a japanese high school graduation and its rituals (especially since you rb the og riki as a regular hs student hc like that is very useful) and my friends who indulge in japanese culture for helping with additional insights :D this is also part of my milestone now closed collab "discover: 200" which you can check out! hope you enjoy!

masterlist

what does one think about when they hear the word “foam”?

a child will imagine a white porcelain bathtub, the one they are sitting in with most of their seated body underneath the water that fills from the bottom of the tub. bubbles made from the mix of the running water and the poured liquid soap to create a magical concoction of science. more and more fill the tub until it overflows and splashes outside, landing on the tiled floor. one can pick up childish giggles as the bubbles caress the skin before it pops, creating a ring of soap on the skin nearest to it. one could imagine their parent beside them following their giggles, helping wash them up after playing in a grassy park and falling on the dirt patch chasing a squirrel. but the child was having too much fun trying to make their hair stand up from their scalp to care about the suds that clean away the dust and soil.

a person who visits a beach will be reminded of the white foam that flows to the coast, pushed by the tides to escape the blue waters. froths created from the combination of nature’s rhythm on the breaking of seawater and dissolving salt or tiny planktons. one can walk to the edge where the land meets the sea and meet the foams by themselves, letting their leg submerged into the wet sand before the incoming wave tries to push you away with its natural force. the water tickles above the ankle as foam created from the physics of it before receding into the ocean along with more grains of sand. the image of it pairs with the familiar crunchy sound of the waves that instantly show up in the head and from the popping of the tiny bubbles.

for riki, it was both of them and one more.

his hand is full of white fluffy foam. the boy's eyes stare at it before turning to the mirror in front of him. he sees the visual of a makeshift white full beard made from the tiny bubbles on the surface of his skin, all of them spread out to the jaw, cheeks, and even around the top of his neck, making him look like a younger version of father christmas if he ever goes to meet the children in spring—a season too late for the tradition and years too old for him as he knew about the truth of his parents being the “mythical man” that gave him gifts by the bed. the boy opens the tap.

the water runs down and cleans his hands, letting the residue drain down the hole before he picks up the item that he’s been learning and still is learning to adapt to at his age. the shaving razor he had that is in the same color as his toothbrush.

the razor glints under the lights beside the mirror. his hand grips its handle, following the steps his father had taught him. the older man told his child that facial hair grows in different ways depending on where they’re located, and how he has to shave it the other way for the most efficient result.

“if it’s on the cheek, then you have to shave it diagonally downwards to the corner of the lips. if it’s above the upper lip, then you have to shave it outwards from beneath both nostrils.”

riki recollects the words accurately as he imagines the visual vividly. how he can see himself in the mirror as his father when the boy remembers he stood beside him, a razor in his own hands as he teaches his son how to shave the facial hair he might not want to own—right in front of the same mirror he stood across now.

shaving your own facial hair seems to be a rite of passage for a boy who is nearing the end of his puberty days. their growing plates are still growing as riki still remembers how he was slightly shorter than his father when he was taught his first lesson in shaving facial hair. now he is taller than his father, either from how many times he has to jump along with the moves of a choreography or run along with a rolling ball on a grassy field.

riki can definitely feel and see the difference. his lanky body now shows more prominent muscles from the physical activities he does, notably his bigger calves from moving on his feet so much. the baby fat on his face has burned enough that his bone structure sticks out as he notices the apples of his cheekbone protruding on his facial features. his voice also deepens as he can still remember how itchy it is, dropping step by step until he can perceive the vibration of his neck’s skin from the moving larynx; a voice that screams baritone or bass, even reaching vocal fry level if he wants to learn the technique.

all of that happens in the three years of high school. if middle school him could witness him now, he wouldn’t believe that that is what he’s going to look like. so many things happened in the past three years that month by month—even day by day—he can feel himself changing physically and mentally.

and today, his three-year journey in high school ends. his graduation day from being a high school student. also, his last day home before pursuing his dream in seoul, south korea.

riki has always been an active kid, but there are two constants throughout his activities in his 18 years on earth: soccer and dancing. one may look at both of them differently, but he has always found a resemblance between the two. the agility of dancing helps control the ball if it’s in his possession. the stamina training he had done to run from one side of the field to another helped him practice longer, thus making him learn the choreographies faster than the other kids.

his hopes and dreams are tied between the two of them. he even wants to continue it to his adult. many of the kids were always asked “what you’ll be when you grow up?” and their answers will be different years later. yet, riki’s stayed the same. always between the two of them.

but he has to choose one to pursue even further, to focus on even in the hardest times he might get in his life.

after seeing korean idols on stage performing in front of thousands of people, he chose to dance. he wants to be like them one day.

yet, that doesn’t mean he’ll let go of soccer that easily.

soccer is still there for riki as a hobby. but he decides to push his dream of being a soccer player behind to train more for his dancing: learning between the street dances and contemporary ones he is still lacking in, yet determined to improve on. it sacrificed him hours of rest time to nail each of the basics in each study, peaking his figure to one of an all-rounder dancer who learned multiple branches of the certain performing arts.

his fruit of labor comes at the right time and moment when he joins an open audition for a big label in south korea that is hosted near here. riki rubs his hand on his pants as he sees a tv playing in the waiting room of a live performance he watched with his own eyes. his figure between all the visible moving lightsticks that decorated the arena, resembling a starry night. they all gave their best to show their craft on stage where people had encouraged them so much to achieve their dreams until that level. it tugs little riki so hard on his heartstrings that he can’t think of his other activities that can bring him the same sense of joy and pride at the same time. soccer seems to be the nearest one but what if he falls out of love and wants to retire early? being a performer means he could also explore other avenues of performing arts if he wants to experiment. though there is a school for it, art is the outlet for human creativity. and each person has their own way of interpreting what they want.

the audition process was nerve-wracking for him; fear flew and crowded the room as riki saw the people he had to compete with. getting tunnel vision from his anxious self, all he could think about when seeing them was how better they were compared to himself. even the lone camera on a tripod makes him nervous as he knows the implications of the recordings being sent to the highest of the higher-ups who have the choice to make his life change forever. as the person before him steps aside, he takes their place and introduces himself like what he practiced. the words flowing out of his mouth smoothly before he let his mind back to when he was alone in the dance studio he called his second home: his actual home is the first and the school’s soccer field is his third.

the fluidity of his body lets him perform the routine he practiced countless times, a routine he trained with his dancing coach that highlights his greatest strengths in performing arts. riki feels how his eyes droop down, letting his movements and muscle memories do the work for him, something he allows as he has been practicing with the lights out.

“when you lose one of your senses, another sense grows to complement it,” his coach reminded him.

riki didn’t even break a sweat when he listened to the unfamiliar song. he just freestyle danced to the rhythm as best as he could to the song he used as a lesson. one has a faster bpm than the other, so he has to adapt with how many milliseconds he has to let his arm stay in the air. in his consciousness, he is confused as to why none of the judges stopped him like the other contestants. many of them were better but stopped earlier that they didn’t even reach the end of the choruses for songs, making his eyes tremble more behind his eyelids. yet, he continued until something stopped him. well, the music does as it fades away.

the process was rigorous when he had to sing and do body shots in another room—alone from the other contestants with people he assumes are higher in the recruitment process. when the papers of the contracts were placed in front of riki, he was halfway through his high school career. a contract to be a trainee in south korea, the place where the performers he saw reside. the headquarters of the leading asian pop culture in the world. riki has to be there to feel it himself.

he had his mom beside him as she read through the contract, a small smile on her face as she tried to understand the best of the contract with the formal and legal lingo that is used alongside the translator they hire for this and her family member who is a lawyer. he had already met up with the trainers before—the judges he auditioned to and more through video calls—and they agreed that riki has the potential to be something more.

he signed the paper that seals the next chapter of his life, agreeing to move to korea when high school ends.

riki returns to the mirror when his hand is unconsciously shaving the foamy area; following a set routine of the parts he has to shave and what section is next. that’s when he sees the thin foam turn pink. eyebrows raised, the sting comes too late as the soapy substance meets his open wound. he instantly flipped the tap open and cupped the water in his palms, brushing the soap substance away as fast as he could, gritting his teeth when he felt the cold liquid caressing his skin. blood flows along with the water as he smoothes the skin down, not recognizing any more slippery base substance when he gently dries his wet area. turning his face, he sees the long thin slit on his clean cheek, right under his cheekbone and going horizontal above the jawline, almost like a secondary of it. the razor he holds is placed under the running water when he sees the translucent crimson color flow down the drain hole.

placing the razor away, he opens the cabinet door for the first aid kit he had always picked up. being such an active kid doesn’t mean that he is immune to injuries. open or close wounded, he has scars of his injuries all around his body. the nasty scar on his right kneecap from when he tripped on himself while playing soccer on an asphalt road, bruises on his forearm from when he slammed himself too hard on the dance studio’s floor, and many more. he once feared that red color flowing on his skin layer, but seeing it so much and its purple-ish-blue companion, he throws that fear away and lets it sink into the ocean that is just a walking distance from his abode.

the first aid kit is filled with the most essential items riki uses to heal himself. his mom always told him to treat his injuries as soon as possible so no nasty virus or bacteria could infiltrate the atoms that encompass his functioning body and destroy it from the inside. and make him worse instead. he always thought the scars he got litter on his skin would disappear one day. time goes on as it denies his assumption. he learned this from biology class where the teacher mentions that the cell tissues of skin cannot get rid of scars because the injuries are being repaired by the same cells that create a scar. the cells in those areas are ever-healing; never going to stop healing because it has been injured before.

another scar to tell, i guess. he sighs as he dabs the wound with the red-brownish antiseptic on cotton all along the opening before he grabs the bandage and sticks it on the wound. pressing it down gently, the bandage nearly blends in with his skin color as it creates an abnormal diagonal patch on his somewhat clean yet acne-scar-filled skin. a minor bump rising because of the white pad on the sticky side. brushing his black hair away from its place that fallen on his forehead, he closes the distinct naruto-themed bag of his first aid kit and brings it to his room.

the navy graphic t-shirt he wore has droplets from the water but not of the blood from the small rectangle mirror sticking on his wall. on his bed lays the final piece of his gakuran as he picks up the suit jacket. riki pushes the golden buttons through the holes in an order, leaving the last button open right at the top so that he looks cooler—and so that he doesn’t get easily choked. his eyes scan his nearly clean room where items are still cluttered here and there. that is until he sees the large suitcase at the leg part of his bed. all the clothes and essentials he has packed to be used in korea are already in there. his flight is tomorrow morning; flying from haneda airport. the open duffel bag of his is still on his bed as he puts the naruto-themed first aid kit inside.

“riki!”

“yes?” his hand on his chest from the surprise calling of his name passing by the barrier of the wall.

“we have to go. we don’t want to be late.” his mom’s voice calls from outside the room. the boy lets the bag rest on the mattress before he picks up his trusty backpack and saunters to the door of his room and opens it, seeing his mom cleaning the dishes and dad slurping on a cup of ramen on the small dining table after leaning almost half of his body. both of them are in an outfit he isn’t used to seeing. only in times of graduations, weddings, or funerals.

“i made one for you.” riki followed his mom’s eyesight to the steaming cup of ramen across from his dad. “your sister has left for school earlier, but you don’t want to be late for your assembly.”

the boy’s long legs reach the seat where the cup of ramen is. its familiar smell enters riki’s senses as he picks up the folding plastic fork and scrumptiously enjoys the hot noodles. he felt the tangled noodle warming up his esophagus while his dad was pouring a glass of water from the pitcher on the table. as riki looked at his dad, he could see himself in him. his dad’s feline-like eyes—combined with his mom’s—make riki’s signature aggressive-looking eyes, like a leopard ready to pounce on its prey. his sisters are also like him but softer as how biology designs feminine features. but, all of them didn’t expect riki’s growth to spurt as he entered high school. he definitely thanked his genetics but also the nutritious homemade food mom made for him full of the omega-3 of fish and the glutinous yet small grains of cooked white rice.

the sunlight enters through the window of the dining and kitchen area where he sees a small garden that is full of little plants and flowers. the beam highlights the light brown of the wood from the last time his family renovated the house fully. small, quaint, yet architecturally smart; with hidden compartments for storage and changing furniture. he can describe his newly renovated home as one of the best things japanese architecture offers. his father learns so much about architectural innovation from watching renovation shows while his mom has the say in interior designing—picking the type of wood to use, placement of the furniture, and others. his new room became his favorite place in the world, with the floor-to-ceiling cabinet and wardrobe combo to put his childhood things he couldn’t bear to let go. though small, he’ll miss his room and the window that overlooks the small one-lane road filled with houses of neighbors he knows.

his nimble fingers expertly pick up the narutomaki along with the noodles from his seafood cup noodles with his chopsticks. the orange-reddish broth colors the inside of the cup as he stares at his phone, scrolling down the news of his favorite player transferring teams—a player exchange that costs millions of US dollars, a japanese player. the player was pretty new for his time, but riki can relate to him so much as the player enters such a big league at such a young age. in a way, riki lives his soccer player dreams vicariously through him. now, as he sees the familiar name transferring from playing in the Premier League to La Liga, his lips pursed as he can imagine the player playing in matches with the likes of many of the skilled players he idolizes in his life.

cupping the cup, he drinks the remaining broth as it warms his stomach, accidentally burping as his dad lets out a giggle in front of him. both of them wait for mom as she finishes up and walks to the shoe cabinet. riki picks up his beaten shoes—his favorite shoes since he bought them in his first year of high school. he remembers how his father agreed to pay him for the pair of shoes before realizing that it’s too big for his feet. yet now, his feet are grown to match their sizes, making them fit him perfectly. he uses those shoes all the time, especially for dancing and soccer. he wore the exact same pair of shoes when he auditioned. but now, he looked at its battered shape with seams ripping from the sole. nevertheless, he wore it to celebrate his and his shoes’ journey every day from when he went to school and the dance studio. riki rather see these shoes break because of his activities than never use them all because of their fragile state.

something he also has to let go like the life he has here to continue to live.

-

climbing up the last stair to the train platform, riki could see the coastline of the beach that is a five-minute walk from where he is. there’s a chugging sound of the moving train from the rails behind him going in the opposite direction of where he will go. behind the curtains of the three and more story high-rises, he can see the light yellow patch of the beach before gliding his eyes to a long grey platform of the small harbour. even with the distance, he can hear the sound of the crashing wave meeting the land. his eyes slowly relax as he stares at the neighborhood and city he calls home and the ocean in its background. the ultramarine spectrum healing his vision along with the lightly cloudy sky as specks of black dots are far at the edge of the horizon. the fishermen fishing for the catches to then be served in the most fresh condition possible in a large franchise sushi restaurant of a small mom-and-pop sashimi booth. the small taste of saltiness in the air because of how close he is to the source.

even with the small islands in his view, he still couldn’t believe that the body of water he was seeing was leading to the largest ocean on this blue rock. how the nearest landmass from japan is the united states with hawaii placed near the middle of the pacific. it always blew his mind whenever he realized how big the world is when he always saw the scaled-down version of it in a map app. he didn’t realize how big japan is when he realize that sapporo is near russia and the western and southern parts of okinawa is nearing taiwan or the phillipines. maybe, the vastness of the unknown world beside his city, the cities he visited, and the little buildings where people he knows do their activities is the one making him rub his palm on his pants so much.

the walk to the train station was short as he viewed people living their lives behind his parents’ footsteps on the clean sidewalk. entrances to office buildings opening one by one, the large signages of buildings that house pachinko machines stay idle as the mini convenience store below it shuts much of its fluorescent light after leaving it on for the night, and sparse numbers of motor vehicles running down the two-lane streets as bicycles are being dominated by workers. riki also found kids his age roaming the sidewalk to their nearest school. some of them wearing their uniforms just fine, while others were still shivering from the leftover winter wind—wearing puffy jackets to conceal them. he could recognize students from the neighboring schools just from the uniforms they were, some wore gakurans but others also used a more modern prep school uniform he has seen looking like the korean ones he found on the internet.

the sound of the distinct train station melody flies through the air as he watches the chugging commuter train on its way to the platform. his head stands out of the crowd as his height helps with easier detection when he identifies the small sliver of color that corresponds with the train line it is. from the outside, he catches a faded reflection of himself with a few people inside; people wearing masks to cover themselves from the flu because of pollen and the cold while others let their faces open as they can smell and inhale the clean spring air. the white LED lights illuminate the train car as he steps in—ducking his head cause he feels like he could slam into something hanging on the ceiling anytime. he turns to stare at himself from the glass’ reflection, how the corner of his mouth turn a bit downwards, which created a slightly intimidating frown. riki knows about what his friends call his resting bitch face, so he mostly gives a small thin smile after wetting his lips, which he did when he notices it on the reflection. his fingertips rubbing against each other to warm himself up before touching the backpack that is hanging by the straps to keep it safe in his arms.

the train is chugging down on the rail as the view outside moves with relativity. riki sees the familiar passing billboards he has seen time to time, changing its every advertisement from new ramen flavors to new animation movies to new j-pop album releases. yet the distinct enormous billboard hangs near a pedestrian crossing of a larger station that he always goes by. people walking about to their destination as the melody sounds every time the train stops at the station, spoken in both english and his native japanese. riki’s being is alert as the sound calls the name of the station near his school, eyes looking at the screen on top of the door as the train stops at another elevated station. the boy could sense how the train wobbled beneath him as he and the others stepped out of the cart. tapping his card at the gate, riki strides along the familiar pavements towards school.

approaching the building complex that has housed him for three years, riki sees the recognizable sailor uniform the girls wears—the same uniform hung outside of his room for his little sister to bring into her room—as he steps forward with every step. calls of names are spoken between one another as he walks closer, some are calling his name which he gives different greetings while others are gathered with each of their friends. in a cautious state of mind, his eyes scoured around to see the groups of parents crowding around their children; some stood up like skyscrapers compared to them. he sensed the bandage on his skin a bit heavier than before when he turned to face his dad, who was staring at him. mom is out of his sight as he watches his father’s hand caressing his injured cheek.

“from shaving…” riki replies after letting out a light hiss, widening his eyes so he wouldn’t turn away. his dad lets out a small giggle as he pats his cheek, making riki actually retreat and copying him with his own giggles. the smell of the distinct flowers and leaves crowds around him as the sakura petals fall down on the paved road of the school that is surrounded by cherry blossom trees. but different flower species are also showing up in the number of bouquets the graduating class has on their hands. the sakura pinks being the background contrast with the whites and yellows in the bouquets. that is when he found a single person who has purple flowers in their bouquet. lifting his head to see the owner’s, the corners of his lips rise just from identifying the familiar face.

you are clutching the ends of the bouquet your parents have surprised you with. your own backpack hangs on your shoulders as you hug your father, seeing a little red panda wearing a graduation cap on the top as your mother asks one of the parents to help capture the picture. posing in between your parents, you let out a wide smile as you hear the familiar clicking sound a few times before you drop from your tippy toes—something you always unconsciously do when taking a picture. you admire the way the white and purple flowers makes the bouquet looks grand yet still screams you—purple has always been and will be your primary color.

seeing the bouquet and the many students makes you wonder if your friends are here or not. you raise your head and chin up, curiously looking at the stream of students and parents gathering at the front of the gate and school buildings before the graduation ceremony begins. that’s when you see the familiar tall boy who was always sleeping on the table beside yours whenever both of you were in class.

“riki-chan.”

he can follow your mouth’s movement, grinning when he picks up even a small sample of your voice on the other side of where he is. your voice calls to him like a siren as he takes one step forward. that is when he felt a hand slapping his back as riki could already guess who it might be.

“shota! i almost choke.”

riki hears shota’s infamous giggle as he turns around, finding him with his eye smile as he wraps his arm behind the boy’s back, “come on, niki. don’t be so serious. we’re graduating today.”

“i know,” he replied. he wanted to return to your presence once again when he let his eyes squint and something flinch to grow on his lips. riki watches his father approaching him with his mother as he takes a peek at the yellow-flower-full bouquet she is holding, knowing that it will be for him as he sees his parents trying to conceal it—even though they failed by how flustered they are to see their son already has his eyes on them.

“ta-da!” his parents proclaimed as he saw the bouquet in close detail, seeing a few white petals scattering the bouquet as the yellow slowly became softer in his eyes. creating a more pastel yellow than the ones that shock his eyes with how bright the yellow is.

“thank you, mom and dad,” he replies as he carefully picks up the bouquet and cradles it in his arms. his father greets shota as he asks the boy questions on where his parents are while his mother finally notices the bandage on his cheek, hearing her clicking her tongue as she tries not to laugh at how clumsy her son was.

shota helped in taking photos for the family, even though his sister is there but it was so hard to reach her when she was already with her friends. he glances at the clock on top of his screen after seeing his chat with his younger sister when he realizes it’s almost time for the graduation ceremony. riki reminds his parents of where the parents will gather as he slowly places the bouquet under the care of his mother. waving and saying a “see you later”, he and shota go to the crowd where the graduating students are—dividing into each class crowd as he is letting the memories of the graduation ceremony replay in his mind from the rehearsals..

shota greeted most of the class students as riki stayed behind, letting the guy feel the fame once more as he couldn’t help but grin at seeing another boy in their usual circle of six—walking towards them with his own grin on his face.

“taki-chan.” riki calls for taki as he did their bro hug. his hand playfully ruffled his dyed locks as he commented, “you’ve already bleached your hair?”

“yes, let’s just say that it’s my graduation gift from my parents. i have to look stylish when i moved to germany for university. how about you, niki? why do you even have a bandage on your face?” taki playfully poked riki’s face as he turned his head, wanting to bite the finger like it was a clawing game for making him sense the reminder of the pain of the cut skin.

his circle of six has two rikis in them. so, to differentiate them, they use their first syllable from the last name as their new nickname during their high school: creating the unstoppable taki-niki duo. taki is also part of riki’s dance studio, but he’s doing it more as a hobby than a career like what riki is doing. shota, on the other hand, frequents the arcade during their high school times. in the nearest arcade from school, he has a high score in playing the arcade’s taiko no tatsujin; even having a pair of specialty gloves he said could help with the grip of the drumsticks. his love for rhythm gaming also shows in school when shota showed riki his device when he plays osu!—the game that successfully gets taki actually after he is numb to it by dancing to hip-hop and b-boying.

“there you guys are!”

the three boys all glanced to the side to find the three girls had completed their circle of six. kokona stands in the middle as he catches her pouting face with her hands on her waist; one part of her hair is already highlighted and even riki can notice she is wearing a slight faint of eyeliner on her eyes. beside her, he sees you with your wide eyes-small smile combo, and nina who is playing something on her phone.

kokona is the musician of the group—"a born-to-be musician" as she likes to call it—as riki has always found her making lyrics upon lyrics, from the most poem-like to outward disses as he knows she can beat him in a rap battle if he wants to. nina is the brains of the group. having mixed parents like shota makes her able to speak in four different languages, but she is also academically smart as she is always representing the school for a social science olympiad and she spearheaded the economics club in school. and, you. you are the artist of the group. every time riki meets you in class, you always have a manga on one side and your sketchbook on the other as you try to read and draw at the same time, making the characters in the manga you are reading on the sketchbook in your own art style.

riki is lucky to have his circle to be as creatively well-versed and supporting each other’s endeavors. they were the first ones to know that riki is now a trainee for a label in south korea. and they couldn’t have been more proud as shota even gifted him his old korean language 101 books for him to start his language learning early; even adding a few korean terms the boy learned from his mother as riki tried to familiarize himself with them.

his homeroom teacher, mister terada, reminds them to stand in line according to their last names instead of seatmates, making all six of you scattered as riki stands with a boy in front of him and a girl behind him. he could hear the coordinator’s voice slowly letting the classes in one by one into the hall where he has seen his parents are in—seating at the bleachers at the top that are lining around the open middle area. riki could sense his legs being numbed as he didn’t know how long he had to stand up when he felt your touch on his wrist as your line was beside his, holding him up as you let out a pout. when it’s his time to enter the hall, he basks in the large space to see the parents sitting in the bleachers surrounding the students. said students all sit at their assigned seats from the rehearsals as riki recalls his path when he'll be walking to the stage to get his diploma.

the assembly finally started and both the boy and girl beside him started to chuckle when he had to cover his mouth to let out a huge yawn. the tiredness of packing his stuff for his later flight last night got into him as he just wanted to be his class’ turn so he could get his diploma and maybe take a few minutes of a power nap. he could hear nina asking for him a few seats away, watching her discreetly pushing her hand out. he reached his own as he felt something on his curled palm. opening it up, he found a small wrapped mint candy that he recognized as a staple of nina's as their “awake pill”. the spicy mint taste makes his nerves alive and aware as he sees the first few classes already getting their diplomas. he had to remind himself of all the rehearsals he had done after the exam for the past two weeks—the correct place to stand while waiting in the line, the etiquette and who to shake hands with, and where you pose for your graduation photo.

riki graciously stands up and stretches his tired body from sitting too long as he walks to the path he had track with his eyes and is currently in the line awaiting his turn. he spots kokona already sitting down with her diploma and also shota who is walking to sit down on his seat. step by step as more and more names are being called, he is now one step away from the short flight of stairs to getting his diploma.

“nishimura riki.”

his name is called as he puts out a smile he has been learning while walking across the stage, bowing deep and shaking the hand of the principal before meeting mister terada who he gives another bow to before he receives the diploma with both of his hands. he turns towards the end of the stage and poses for the camera at the end before sitting down, looking up at the bleachers as he can catch his parents’ voices, cheering for him.

yet, for him. finally, it was time to get a nap as he awaited the last homeroom of his high school career.

-

thud.

thud.

thud.

that’s what riki picked up before he leaned down to grab his usual drink from the vending machine’s slot at the bottom. his backpack has been placed once again on his back after he met up with his parents when the assembly was done. he really had a pretty good nap before the boy beside him shook him to wake up when the ceremony comes to an end with the last hurrah from his juniors—seeing his younger sister too as riki chuckles when they both catch each other’s eyes. too many people were crowding the floor when the mc said it was over over, but he knew he will reunite with his friends once again after fulfilling the parchedness of his esophagus.

straightening his back, he felt the weight of the bouquet fall down and rested on the bottom of his bag alongside his diploma as he awaited for the final things to do here: cleaning up his shoe locker and one last meeting with the homeroom teacher about his career sheet. his parents had long gone home and he had already done the nearly complete family photo with his younger sister. riki glanced at the view behind him as he saw a few kids playing soccer in their 30-minute recess time—he could see himself in them as he either helped in attacking towards the goal or defending it against his friends. 30 minutes that seemed like a lifetime when he was there to feel it himself now appears so short as he sees it from an outsider’s perspective.

“boo!”

riki turns around in a whiplash, almost spilling his drink from the bottle before he pauses and calms himself to stare at you. your purple backpack sways alongside your own movement as you laughed—even making you nearly folded yourself to get a grip on your knees because he was too funny. your laughter dies down as flip your backpack around to put your diploma inside the main pocket.

“thought you’d be here,” you mumbled, pulling out your wallet from the bag as you approached the vending machine. the backpack hangs only on one shoulder as you plunge the coins in and press the button of the drink you want.

“you always get a drink when you’re sleepy.” you then added, making riki chuckle.

it’s a habit of his he had always overlooked but, somehow, you remember. once in class, he had been taking a huge nap during japanese history class as he let the thick textbook cover him. he had a very late practice session for a choreography because he hadn’t nailed each move—maybe because it was near the exam time or whatnot. yet, no one seems to wake him until the end of the period. lifting his head up groggily, he looks at his classmates who are eating or talking with each other. that shock coming from him made the thick book fall as he heard a snicker coming from one of the crowd. riki sheepishly smiled as he wanted to crouch down to grab the book when he finally noticed the light-colored soda on the edge between his and your desk. the brand is his favorite, yet he thought it might be yours. but with the way the bottle sits behind the line between yours and his desk, he knew that it must be for him as he unconsciously swallowed his saliva; picking up and cracking the bottle lid open as he sipped the soda before going to his usual hangout place with the rest of the six.

he picks up the familiar set of thuds as you lean down and grab your purchase—the same brand yet different flavors. he watches you as you playfully shake the bottle, seeing the foam forming from the chemical reaction as he remembers what you say: “i like the soda fizzy.” but it is also like you that you are not careful when you open the bottle, seeing the pastel-colored foam flowing out of the cracks and landed on the pavement before you instantly gulp nearly a third of the bottle.

you let out a huge aahhhhh as you felt the coldness of the soda trailing down into your stomach, looking behind the color-glazed bottle to catch riki with a small smile on his face, but no movement in his eyes, gazing at you—making blood flow towards your cheek.

“hello? riki-chan?” you waved your sticky soda-stained hands in front of riki’s face before he seemed to snap out of it. that’s when you finally notice the little bandage on his cheek, spread wide right underneath his eye and cheekbone.

“what happened?” you softly poke your finger against the bandage, making riki back off as he looks away, eyes moving so rapidly before he lets out a small smirk.

“pressed my shaving razor too hard. it bleeds, so… yeah. gotta have to be reminded of that whenever i see my graduation picture now,” he told you in such a nonchalant manner, making you let out your own chuckle.

“you look like those bad boys i’ve seen on high school animations… you just need your lollipop and done!” you tuck the closed soda bottle beneath your armpit right after you say that.

“aren’t i a bad boy, though?” he raised his eyebrows, mimicking those bad boys you described by poking the tip of his tongue towards the inside wall of his cheek—as if there is a lollipop there.

you scoffed, “you? nishimura riki? a bad boy? bah…”

laughter falls out of you because you can’t seem to see him in the bad boy role. sure, he being a former soccer player and a dancer makes him popular with other people. you remembered near valentine’s day this year that many girls—including your juniors—asked you about his favorite candy or chocolate brand and flavors so that they could give that to him. some even leave gifts to you so you can give them to them and you are obliged to give them because you don’t want to experience the wrath of a teenage girl; you know that feeling too much yourself. yet, riki seemed to be more nonchalant about that, dividing the chocolates into the rest of his circle and not really giving anything back on white day—except for giving you, nina, and koko-chan different popin’ cookin’ sets you recognize costs money.

maybe he is a bad boy after all because of that. but, to you, that is his charm. riki doesn’t seem to be someone who is trying to please what society asks of him. he should’ve felt proud to get so many gifts for valentine’s day, but he doesn’t, and he is not afraid to show it. he has this sense of agency in him to know of what he is seeking even at such a young age, and to him, it is dancing.

“we don’t want to be late.” you get a last glance at him when he nods his head, brushing his bangs away from his forehead as he leads the way toward the locker area.

riki views some students replacing their outside shoes with their indoor slippers as he had done the same, tucking in his battered-up shoes inside his locker as he had to remind himself to bring the slippers home instead of putting them in the locker. or maybe it can be a gift for the first-year junior who is going to be assigned his previous locker for their shoes. that’s for him to think more about because he still sense he has time to think about it—the day felt both fast and slow at the same time.

the hallways are as clean as ever as he and you climb up the flights of stairs toward your homeroom class. his eyes gaze at the ever-changing properties hanging on the wall, yet he can definitely remember what it looked like when he was first here.

the newly painted wall now has chips of paint fallen off to show the dried concrete. the bulletin board where each club is advertising their project changes with every new administration. some plants he had first seen as sprouts now grow into a beautiful shrub. with a few of the existing shrubs died because of various reasons. yet, the look of the hallway still is the same as he could pinpoint places he had touched before: he had leaned his body against those set of windows, he had taken a peek inside one of the classrooms as he awaited taki to come out of the class, and he had also sat down on the floor there with his circle to their bento boxes because their usual hangout place is being renovated.

riki reached the handle and slides the classroom door as he is greeted by some students already sitting there, hearing the same roar as you step inside behind him. his eyes landed on the seats where you and he had sat for the past year, empty and inviting to both of you as you gazed at your classmates with their own bouquets (if they have one) and definitely their own diplomas as you watched them still admiring it. your eyes gazed to see the rest of your circle already in the classroom as you placed your backpack to hang on the seat and immediately walks towards nina, asking if she has any wet tissue.

“what took you so long?” riki heard shota’s scolding from the seat in front of him as he placed his own backpack beside his desk.

“didn’t expect for all of you to be here already. so (y/n) and i took our time,” he answered so honestly, hearing taki’s snicker beside shota as he was eating a snack. riki sits on his chair as his hand reaches for the cupboard underneath the desk in front of him, tapping his palm against the surface to recognize if he has any leftover items he hasn’t brought home. that’s when he felt sheets of paper that were united by a paper clip. he pulled it out, seeing the dusty paper of what looked to be a musical notary for his music class exam.

he remembered it was a final group project for the music class, and he had to do it with all six of the circle. riki remembered all the music lessons he had learned from his brief training with the trainers as he helped the group create their own song. shota in the drums, taki on the bass, nina on the guitar, and you on the piano whilst kokona and riki sing along with koko who uses her lyricist prowess to make a song that is seemingly about friendship and farewells. if riki hasn’t been accepted by his south korea agency, he would definitely pitch the idea to all of you to create a band. maybe all of you can be the latest sensation japan will meet on those shibuya crossing’s digital billboards.

yet fate says otherwise.

riki’s nose itches as he dusted the paper as the specks of dust floated towards the ground, looking at the clear version of the notation and even his own scribbles as he remembered how kokona berated him for not being able to match her melody—"i’m a dancer, koko-chan. not a singer." “but you’re an idol trainee. surely, you can sing.”—before carefully tucking it into his bag as he pulled the bouquet out of the bottom and let the bag open because he just knew that his whole backpack would smell like it if he kept it close.

looking towards the surface of the desk, riki sees a shadow standing menacingly in front of his desk. the shadow slides the glico’s pocky box in his vision. his head shifts upwards as he sees nina holding two more boxes of different flavors, making him look to his side to detect both you and kokona already having your own pocky with your own differing flavors.

“my gift to you all because i know i won’t be able to see you much in america.” nina says after putting the rest of the boxes in front of taki and shota. he could hear the two boys coo and send her gratitude before grabbing the boxes and opening them to ravage them for themselves. riki finally took a closer glimpse of yours as he finally noticed how both of your boxes are green-colored.

“did she give us the same flavor?” he mumbled to himself, yet he mumbled outwardly, making you shift your head and face him.

“i think our flavors are similar, let me see.”

you gently grip the wrist he is holding the box with and bring it beside yours. riki examines how his box has a dark chocolate gradient on it while yours is fully green, trailing his eyes down to read the flavor name on the front of the box.

“see, yours says green tea while mine is rich matcha.” you say what you observed as he can’t help holding back a giggle as you seem to unconsciously play around with your lip after you say the word “matcha.”

though purple is your favorite color—matcha is your favorite flavor. you have always been seen with matcha-flavored everything if you are given a chance. matcha lattes whenever all six of you visit a cafe, matcha mochi whenever you buy mochis, or matcha roll cakes when the gang is trying to buy something inside family mart. it’s no surprise nina gives you that, but why did she give him a similar, lighter version of it?

whatever, let’s just eat-

the sliding door opens and behind it, the figure of the class’ homeroom teacher appears. everyone, including riki, is applauding him—slightly drops the box on the table as he didn’t get to rip it properly. mister terada slowly steps inside, a surprised face on his face as he slowly walks to stand by the table in the middle of the class. he is carrying a large box with both of his hands as the holler continues, which is followed by whistles before he places it down on the table. mister terada raises his hands and slowly pushes it down as the volume follows.

“settle down kids. this is our last homeroom meeting.” mister terada says as riki gazes at the open box, knowing that it’s probably the yearbook that he had shot the photos for in january. he remembered that day cause it was still cold as heck. many of his classmates brought their own properties for the shoot, yet riki only wears his gakuran with a loose button and his trusty shoes—the black and white soccer ball is being lent by the committee because he has and wants to represent soccer on some sort so that he won’t forget.

“today, i’ll be giving you your yearbooks and also recapitulate your career sheet to see how each has progressed. i’m sure by now you have picked to focus on one of the three choices you made from those you picked in your first year to pursue.” mister terada stated as he started to call each name in the student's list, starting with the class president.

the giving off of the yearbook is also followed with a mini consultation of each student's progress. yes, right in front of the class, which can lead to embarrassment if they can’t keep up. but so far, everything still goes according to their plan, some even find themselves straying from their primary focus to explore something new or getting caught in something that becomes their infatuation.

most of his friends that have come forward and got their yearbooks have spoken about the same thing that they have spoken about just between the six of you: kokona is going to music school, nina is going to america and studying macroeconomics, and shota is pursuing game development. then, it was time for his turn as he heard the calling of a certain nishimura riki.

“that’s our idol!” he picked up taki's shouted words as the rest of the class laughed. everyone knows just how much riki likes to dance. he had shown his skills numerous times in the school’s talent shows either alone or with taki as the riki duo that they are. so it isn’t also a surprise for his classmates to find out he had been accepted into a label in south korea that has been throughout his school—courtesy of taki, as he is the one that always spills it.

it even created a whole discussion on why riki picked a korean label instead of japanese one, but one thing is prevalent in the discussion: the korean idol industry will see his dancing skills as more valuable than in the japanese idol industry. it’s just the way those industries goes honestly. but riki also wants to appreciate the korean idols that inspired him to be who he is right now; especially with the existence of japanese people in the korean idol industry and how the numbers are still going up.

the class seems to unanimously sing yoasobi’s idol as riki playfully does the gesture in the viral dance challenge as he now stands in front of mister terada. bowing down to greet him, he picks up the yearbook with two hands as the teacher asks, “how is it with your idol training?”

“it’s going good. i’m actually already planning to move to seoul after graduation so i can train better and have a higher chance of debuting.” yet, riki didn’t mention he will actually move tonight.

“well, we can’t wait to see you on the world stage, riki-kun. i love how consistent you are with it and i sure hope that your consistency could also inspire the juniors to follow their dreams.”

“thank you, mister terada.” he bowed his head once again before returning to his desk as mister terada called for the name after his. he playfully opened the yearbook and skimmed it before landing on his class. his fingers flip the paper to finally open to the page where all six of his friends are—because they shoot their pictures together. riki’s photo is the one where he had all the gakuran buttons off from their respective slots and he is holding the soccer ball against his hips.

“look at that, a very bad boy of a manga.” he could hear his thoughts speaking to him in your voice as he wished you acknowledged that. he also moved to the superlative pages as he could remember his same-year peers and juniors him in the running. he didn’t expect to win most changed by his peers. maybe it is because he has his growth spurt as he could tell that he might even grow 10 centimeters whilst in high school. but also with how his voice changes because of puberty and how his style changes to accommodate his interests, including more exposed yet baggy clothing and the clip-on earrings he likes to wear.

“(l/n)(y/n).”

riki heard the scrapping from the chair beside him as he watched you standing up and walking towards the front of the class. though you haven’t fully spoken about what you wrote on your career sheet, being a mangaka is what everyone knows that you wanted to be. your illustrating prowess has always been shown in the festivals the school made yearly, whether it is when you helped with the class’ food market by creating brochures and banners or when you even opened an illustration service where you drew students and teachers alike for them to have. it seems that you’ve got your life in line alongside him. and that’s why it shocked him to listen to what you’ve answered to mister terada’s question.

“yes, my progression with my university application is great. i’ve been accepted as a student in the international relations major in kyoto.”

riki’s eyes enlarged because he can’t believe what he is hearing. he turns his head towards his friends who are also looking at each other in quick succession, all of them having confusion on their faces before returning to you who is smiling like you didn’t even feel the quake that shook your friends’ beliefs about you. as you walked to your chair and look around at each of your friend’s face, you give them a tight-lip smile. yet, all of them hesitate to ask you why you choose international relations instead of design or art school. they have to respect your choice just like any of their classmate's changes.

the revelation shocked riki the most as he thought that you had trusted him enough to tell him everything. he has been your seatmate for three freaking years and you have grown up together since the first year. he had always seen you drawing in sketchbooks you bring in class, even ignoring some lectures so you can focus on drawing and reading manga. sure, he can see you must picked studying social science for a reason but he thought that—maybe just like he is as you both are creatives—you just don’t want to do math and natural science like he is.

the number of students without the yearbook dwindles as every desk has one on top of it. mister terada stares at the group he can call his kids while mumbling, “i’m so proud of all of you. hopefully you can continue to grow and be impactful towards society-“

“wait, mister terada!” the class president shouts as she scrambles to get something underneath her desk to then watch her pick up a new bouquet. “this is our gift to you so you also have your own bouquet alongside us.”

riki remembered when the class treasurer suddenly asked him if he wanted to contribute to gifting a bouquet to mister terada during the class’ yearbook photoshoot. he gladly accepts it as mister terada is the nicest homeroom teacher he had throughout high school. some of his other homeroom teachers are unnecessarily harsh towards the students and even shamed for not following through with their career sheets—knowing that teenagers also can get stressed too in doing so. mister terada is the only teacher riki can comfortably consult about his choice of being an idol. at that time, he was contemplating if he should audition for one or just focus on becoming a professional dancer. yet, mister terada’s push also helps contribute to him filling in the audition form.

mister terada received the bouquet from the class president as he stared at it, his eyes glimmering before saying, “thank you so much. could we get a class photo with all of us?”

the students are standing up as they try to set their places. one of the student’s parents, who is watching the class outside from the hallway window, steps in to take the picture. riki stands beside you, taking a peek to see you already in your pose as he can’t help but put his hand on your shoulder. what’s wrong with friends of the opposite sex being touchy with each other anyway when he had seen all the different hugs and leaning against shoulders between the six of you?

as the click of the phone camera taking the picture rings and dissipates, it’s followed by a chorus of thank yous being thrown around as some students hug each other. he is busy too, as some of his classmates are trying to take a few last selfies with riki before he becomes famous—making the rest of the gang just snicker from the side.

“i’m going to miss you guys,” shota spoke as all six of you were huddled in the group hug. one last warm hug before all of you are going to your separate ways. riki also should go back home to rest up as he will go to haneda airport later but when the hug separates and all of you six are promising to catch up and communicate in your line group chat, he is trying to keep up pace with you who is tidying up your purple backpack.

“(y/n)-chan.”

“yeah?” you looked up from the backpack after zipping it up, wanting to grab your drink and the pocky that you know you’ll be eating on your way home. yet, with the way riki is looking at you; you know he is trying to let something out.

“do you wanna hang out on the rooftop? for old time's sake, as it is our last chance.”

you held down your smile, knowing that you also didn’t want today to end so early.

“yes. let me text the others in the group-“

“just,” his voice cuts yours, “just the two of us.”

you watched as his glittering eyes told you something, telling you to follow him as you could definitely feel that something was hanging that you had to speak about. and you knew it was about the changes in your plan for the future, especially as you confide with riki so much of your dream in creating your own manga series.

putting the straps on your shoulders, you point your chin towards the door and say, “ok.”

-

the breeze comes rushing in even if you stand behind riki’s figure, blowing your hair as his figure turns into a silhouette when meeting the afternoon sun. you step out onto the concrete ground as you glance at the half wall circling around the perimeter, seeing a few chipped-out paint coming off from said walls before you turn around to be greeted with the rooftop garden. the rooftop that you and your friends have always been on since your first year.

the rooftop is a somewhat famous destination per se, but only the people who are brave enough to trudge against the ever-changing weather could remain here even within the three terms. so that’s why only a handful of people can call this rooftop their hangout place—other than the back of the school or the cafeteria. you glance at the shorter half wall near the garden, the place you and the rest of the six usually hung out at; ate lunch at, doing homework at, and spending your free time at. you can even remember when you initiated the circle’s “logo” as you write your name in an arch, making the others write their own to create a full circle following the curve.

you’re going to miss this place when you’re in kyoto. you’re going to miss the friends that you meet here.

stepping in front of you as you follow, riki approaches the short half wall that is also acting as a multi-use bench, eyes taking a glimpse at the garden’s chlorophyll coming back after winter has frozen them up. insects that seemed to be brave enough to fly this high are visiting here, carrying the pollen for the plants to grow faster. you follow his movement as you sit beside him, gazing at the beautiful view behind the half wall of the sky as the sun is on the way to setting on the west horizon.

riki reaches for his pocky as the sound of the box ripping is heard beside you, making you take your own opened one as you finally rip the plastic packaging open that separates you from the delicious cream on a biscuit stick. yours were more green than riki’s—hence the “rich matcha” flavor nina gave you. silently, you both take a bite of the stick that you pull out. your taste buds are overwhelmed by the combination of the matcha-flavored cream with the matcha-flavored biscuit stick. you look between the front of where you’re sitting to peeking from the corner of your eyes as you see riki doing the same, making you hold back the chuckle before awkwardness comes to remind you quick, making you finish your whole biscuit as your hand reaches inside the aluminum bag for another one.

“you said you want to be a mangaka?”

the breath that you are holding is slowly dripping out, knowing that your intuition is right as to why he brought you here.

“i thought we were gonna fulfill our dreams together…” riki’s voice seemed so cold—even colder than the leftover winter wind in spring.

your facial muscles twitch, maybe it’s because of the sudden sensitivity your face felt the breeze or is the answer that you don’t wanna think about suddenly popping into your mind. yet, when you turn your head—forcing yourself to be brave—you find riki already staring at you. his piercing eyes making goosebumps rising on your skin as, even through his eyes, you can read what he is telling you. you’ve drawn and seen characters in those eyes, but feeling it in real life feels different. much more hurting. much more loathing.

you try to think of the words that you remember you discussed with your parents as you talk about the future, as they’ve reminded you of how dangerous that industry could be—"many animators are crunching their hours. we don’t want to see you like that."—and the fact that they knew, they knew you couldn’t be creative under pressure makes you rethink it. and here you are, trying to explain that to your number 1 supporter, just as you are to him in his dancer-now-future-idol career.

“i, i don’t know if it’s viable for me…” you started, glancing between the pocky box you’re holding and him as you let out a sigh.

“then choose something else other than an illustration, like, i don’t know, painting? graphic design? you like those, right?” you can hear the way riki’s throat is getting hoarse as he speaks, how he is gritting his teeth when saying those words before he takes another stick from his pocky box and takes a bite. the muffled crushing of the biscuit is much louder than when you both are eating it.

“i have to think about my future, riki. you do know i like history and geography and international relation calls to me the same time as a career as a mangaka.” you said in nearly the same tone, not wanting to hold back as you can’t believe just how one-sided he seemed to think of you. that you’re not more than just an art kid in his eyes. “just like how you pick between being a dancer and a soccer player.” you said the last sentence, voice getting lower until the sentence ends near mumbling. but you know riki’s listening.

this is now the correct time for you to pour why you hid your choice from him.

“don’t you know just how dangerous the animation scene in japan is? people are overworked to churn out season upon season nearly every year. being an independent mangaka is also hard when you have to fight against the big guns in the industry. though i’m good at drawing, i don’t know about my writing skills-“

“you’re writing skill is perfectly fine.” he cuts your tangent, pivoting his head back towards you, still not stopping you from continuing.

“okay, but people are suffering there and if i join that system, i know i’ll be suffering too.” you rub the bridge of your nose near the corners of both of your eyes, pressing down on it as you don’t want a single tear out. not right now when you are trying to defend your choice. you’re willing to let out different words just to try to make him understand.

“and if i’m going to school in international relations, that doesn’t mean that i’ll be giving up on drawing. maybe i could join an organization or event there that needs someone to illustrate stuff. maybe i could try doing freelance whilst also working part-time in some convenience stores near tourist spots in kyoto. that doesn’t mean i’m going to easily give up on that dream, it’s just i’m taking the longer way.”

riki held his breath as he heard your reasoning, the way the look of your eyes seemed to dwindle but also increased in sparkles as he couldn’t figure out what feelings you were trying to say. anger? sadness? satisfy?

but when he felt your hand reach to hold his, he knew that you now want him to, at least, believe in you.

“you don’t know just how frustratingly messed up my thoughts are when you said you are accepted to a korean label and to fulfill your dream as a k-pop star.” your thumb caressed his pinky finger, “because i know that it’s going to be hard for me or for anyone in our circle to reach your level of success this young and to talk to you in general because you’re either going to be in korea all the time or you’re going to be layers behind bodyguards when you’re not there.”

you gulp down your saliva, “i’m glad one of us is going to fulfill our dreams faster.”

the last sentence hits riki so much that he has his life’s perspective turn in some random of degrees. he had heard of his parents talking about his older sister who is now in university, about just how different her childhood dream is compared to what she pursued whilst growing up. the same goes for riki, who wanted to be a soccer player before becoming a professional dancer and now being an idol. you must be facing the same thing. he recall how you mentioned you wanted to be a chef during your childhood, how it changed to your love for drawing, before seeing yourself as a diplomat, yet that could definitely change given you have four years of university.

life is definitely much more mysterious than what riki has been accepting. people’s wants and needs change given the situation, from the farthest to the nearest. dedicated people are there but the environment and instinct seem to tell them to change paths. he definitely realizes more that one person doesn’t have a definite answer to what is their purpose in life. is it like him to perform on stage? is it like what he thought you’d do in making a best-selling manga? all of that is a possibility, but that is not definite.

now he knows that the purpose of life is to live. every change of heart is there for a reason that is at the same level as every dedication. that, in life, anyone can define themselves as plural, like his mother who is also a businesswoman, and his father who is also an engineer. like you, who may become a diplomat and an artist. or even maybe him, who can be an idol but likes to play soccer. he had felt that he was erasing one dream for the next. but actually, he is just changing priorities to the one he is focusing on. that is his idol career for him and the international relations major to you—because that dream is still there, now lying dormant.

“you can fulfill your mangaka dream too, (y/n).” your ears perked up at what he was saying. your hand rests and is idle on top of his as you can feel his hand underneath yours flipping unto the other side. “what you said is true. that you can still have drawing as a hobby to help relieve you from school stress, that you can make pocket money out of it. that the place is still there for you even if you change your destination to try something else. and i’m sorry for not realizing that.”

his fingers move to be in between yours before curling in, making you look down at them before at his face, “i don’t know when we will arrive at the place that we want to go. maybe never. maybe someday. maybe even tomorrow.”

riki let out a tremendous sigh.

“but i believe that you can still get there. i believe that you, me, and our friends will eventually reach there,” he spoke his mind, making him turn away his head because of how his hand is randomly holding onto yours.

before he turns his back, he felt your fingers also curling to meet his hand, locking both of your hands as the sky is turning from a blue to an orange, letting you know just how much time you have with him as he had told you, and only you, that he’ll be leaving tonight.

“thank you.” your sentence of appreciation is enough to lift a smile on his face as it reflects on yours.

the scribble on the half wall remains there as you hoped some school officials wash it or paint it some months after today. the sunbeams shining through the window to the hallway where students are finishing cleaning up their class so they can return home. the green grass on the field creating short shadows beneath them as the sun starts to sink. your hand remains in riki’s as you both step out from the school gate for the last time—seeing your juniors, giving you a sad look to see you for the last time, but also a cheeky look after finding your connected hands.

you and him stood in front of the gate as you faced each other. both of your houses are on separate ways as you slowly let go of his hand, letting out a shrug whilst also having a small pout on your face.

“so, this is a goodbye, then? i can’t even contact you anymore because you’re going to be busy,” you spoke out the truth—knowing that k-pop trainees aren’t also allowed to have their phones most of the time.

“more of like a see you later because i know that i’ll be giving you and the rest of us six tickets if i someday hold a concert here,” he replied, holding onto the strap of his backpack as you find his pocky box peeking out from when the water bottle is supposed to be placed—mirroring your own self.

riki’s eyes seemed to glimmer with something as he reached to the buttons of his gakuran, tracing his fingers on the thick gold button as he reached the second from the top, easily popping it off as he pushed it towards you. you looked down and up at his face, not wanting to show the shock on your face as you reached for the button, pinching it between your fingers before you placed it on your palm and instantly curled it up to keep it safe.

his body got knocked back as he felt the arms wrapping around him. his arms are in a pause before he naturally lets go, raising his hands to rest on your back as he tugs you in closer. his mouth beside your ear.

“promise me you’ll remember me,” he whispered, sending chills running down your spine.

“i promise and i hope you do the same,” you replied, sensing a single tear falling out of your eyes as you wiped it away with his uniform.

“of course, i do,” he spoke back. his body seemingly not wanting to let go of you as you pull yourself back, feeling him holding onto your upper arms as you let out a tight-lip smile.

“go on. you have a flight to catch,” you smirked and took a few steps back when you sensed his grip loosen. your curled hand with the button in the grip is resting by your heart while you see riki’s wide smile as he steps backward opposite to where you are going. flailing his arms as a wave of goodbye as you just want him to go back fast so you can finally shed the tears that are wetting your eyes.

you raise your own hand as you wave a goodbye when riki looks at your figure getting smaller and smaller with every step he takes backwards, wanting to run back to you to give you one last hug because he knows he’ll be missing you so much. he hopes that you’ll arrive at your dream tomorrow, but he will always give a word of encouragement to you in his mind even if he is training in the dance studio in seoul starting tomorrow.

he hopes you keep and take care of his second button, just like how you have supported and encouraged him to pursue his dream. and he is now more determined than ever to make you and everyone who knows him deep down proud as he closes this chapter of his life and opens up the next.

taglist: @raeyunshm @leilasmom @evidive @boba-beom @kwiwin @heesw1fe @aloverga @endzii23 @fluffyywoo @camipendragon @hiqhkey @wccycc @cha0thicpisces @y4wnjunz @yeehawnana @beansworldsstuff @kimipxl @blurryriki @amazzwon @reallysmolrenjun @stealanity @deobitifull @gandaengene @beomgyumineiro

© writingmochi on tumblr, 2021-2024. all rights reserved

#k-labels #enhypen imagines #enhypen angst #enhypen fluff #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen fanfiction #niki x reader #rsc: dws #cr: niki #cs: enhypen #sc: regina

[doingitforbokuto]

The White Knight - Chapter Five

-> KNIGHT!KITA SHINSUKE X PRINCESS!READER

-> Previous Chapter

-> Series Masterlist

Summary: Kita had sworn that he would protect you at whatever cost, even if it meant giving his own life in exchange for yours. He was prepared to do whatever it took to keep you safe. But what if there was nothing he could do?

Words: 3,839

Warnings: injury, blood, lots and lots of angst! (w/ happy ending), mentions of death (slightly detailed), talks of forced/arranged marriage, very minor allusion to/mention of rape (1 sentence)

Your Point Of View 

“Don't make a sound, alright sweetheart?” Garret whispered as he stalked towards you from the door he had just locked. Despite the seemingly nice nickname he gave you, you saw his one hand slowly come to a rest on the handle of his dagger, which he had strapped to his belt. 

Still in shock, you simply nodded as you grasped onto the table behind you, desperate for any sort of support. What was your brother's sword fighting instructor doing here? In your room? Did your brother send him to you? Was he going to hurt you? No. No, he wouldn't. He wouldn't hurt you. Right? 

Garret came to a stop right in front of you. The distance between your faces was so small, you could almost feel his breath on your face as he whispered to you. “Is your knight still busy with the maid?” 

So he heard the conversation you two had just had. Nodding again, you glanced down to his belt where his fingers were still brushing against the leather-bound handle of his dagger. 

“Don't worry,” he smiled at you. “If everything goes well and you don't cause a ruckus, I won't have to use that. Alright?” He waited for you to nod once more before he continued speaking. “I need you to do something for me.” 

Swallowing hard, you finally willed yourself to speak. “What is it?” 

Your voice sounded strained and a little out of tune, but at least you had managed to get a hold of yourself. You needed to be strong now, no matter what was about to happen. And it probably wasn't as bad as it seemed right now. Maybe he was just here to talk to you on your brother's behalf? Surely a man you've known for years and years didn't have any bad intentions with you. There was no reason to be scared, you told yourself. Though he was about 15 or 20 years older than you, the age difference did not stop him from being close with your brother. Ever since they had met during a battle, your brother had admired Garret for his skill and strength, prompting him to invite him to the castle to help him refine his own sword fighting skills. For the past five years that he had spent here, he had been a good friend to the whole family. He was someone you could trust. Only that you never had. Right from the start, something made you feel uneasy around him. But that was just your wild imagination. It had to be. 

“You know,” he started, "I was actually relieved when your father told me that he was taking a break from finding you a possible suitor. I thought that might give him an opportunity to look at the chances that he has right in front of him.” His smile dropped. “But sadly, that didn't happen. Has he never considered me to become your husband?” 

The anger in his eyes was ice cold, freezing the blood in your veins. This was why he was here? Because he couldn't marry you, so he wanted to.. take you for himself? 

His hand shot up and grabbed your jaw with a force you did not expect. “Answer me!” Though he made sure to be quiet enough to not be heard outside, his hiss cut through the air like a knife. 

“I don't know,” you answered truthfully. “I don't know who he considers to be a good match for me.”

He let go of your chin and stepped back into the middle of the room, pacing around like a man running out of time trying to think of a solution to a pressing issue. One of your hands carefully came up to your chin, softly prodding the spots that felt like they were going to bruise from his harsh touch. 

Garret stopped dead in his tracks and turned back to you. “I thought maybe your little friend could help me. I mean, two people befriending the king's children to try better their life by marrying well? What better allies than us two!” What? He had spoken to Alysane about this? Was she a part of this? Was there a plot against you in motion?! 

“But it turns out this idiot actually just wants to be your friend. Can you imagine?! This.. spoiled little brat didn't even want to talk to you for me!” With a whiz, his dagger flew out of its sheath, flying through the air as he started gesticulating with it in his hand, his voice was slowly rising to a dangerous level. If he kept going like that, he might be heard outside. You prayed that he would. “She just told me that I should leave her alone! That she would never betray you! As if helping you to a good husband would be betrayal!” As slowly as possible, you tried to back away from him as slowly, not wanting to anger him any more. Without leaving him out of your sight, you moved along the side of the table to put some space between the two of you.

“So you can see why I had to come here and talk to you myself, right? Someone had to come and knock some sense into you!” 

Garret's eyes were trained on you again, pinning you into place. Not even daring to breathe, you stared back at him. His feet brought him back to you, dagger now raised as if it was just waiting, hoping for a taste of blood - your blood. 

“You're going to talk to your father, alright?” The metal of the blade curved along your throat. “You're going to tell him that you love me or whatever else is going to get him to agree to our marriage, got it? Tell him you're carrying my child if that convinces him, I don’t care, just convince him!” 

You could feel the blade cutting just the tiniest bit into your skin and the panic you had been keeping at bay was now starting to creep up your spine. It shot up into your head, your chest and neck like white, hot lava rolling over you. Breathing became hard, like there was a cage around your chest, not letting you get enough air into your lungs. You were starting to breathe harder and harder, making the blade cut even deeper into you. Unintentionally, you started to lean back, a futile attempt at getting away from him, at moving away from the weapon you were now face to face with. Without stopping his rant, he grabbed the back of your head and forced you back towards him, the dagger now pressing into your throat anew. Just a bit more and he would truly cut you, split open your throat and - 

With a shriek, you grabbed his arm and pathetically tried to keep him at bay. You didn't want to die! Not like this! 

“Princess?” Kita's voice was like a gift sent from heaven. If it sounded comforting before, it sounded angel-like now, like it was the one thing keeping you alive. That probably wasn't so far-fetched. 

The door handle dipped down. Any other day, Kita would open the door just the slightest bit so he could hear you better. Never would he just walk into your room without permission, but sometimes yelling through the door got a bit exhausting. This was a system you were both comfortable with: Him on one side, the door open just a small crack, not giving him any chance to look inside your room but helping him hear you better, help you better. That was what usually happened. Only that today, the door would not open for him. “Is.. everything alright?” 

Garret’s eyes bore into yours. Without letting go of you, he nodded, signaling you to tell Kita that everything was fine. Then, he started to move you two around so that he was now standing behind you, facing the door. What now? How could you let Kita know that something was wrong without getting your throat sliced open? 

“Y-Yes. Yes, Shin.. I'm alright.. just tripped over something.” 

Please, you prayed, begged. Please get the hint. And he did. 

Not even two seconds later, the door flew open, Kita’s key to your room still stuck in the lock. It took him just a split second to realize what was happening and the same moment that he did, he was like a changed man. His eyes were wild and angry, the morning light making it almost seem like the gold in his eyes was turning red from anger and fury. You could see the anger radiating off of him as his eyes zeroed in on Garret. You knew in that moment that Garret had just made the biggest mistake of his life. No matter how this would end, with you dead or alive, Garret would forever regret coming into your room. Kita would make sure that he would never be able to hurt you, he would execute whatever revenge you would command him to. He wanted to kill him, now, but he couldn't. But he was trying to figure out a way to it. The man behind you needed only a fraction of a moment  to understand what was happening. Already, you tried to push the arm holding the dagger away from you and run away, towards your safe place named Kita Shinsuke. But you couldn't. Not when Garret’s claws were digging into your arm and pulled you back into his body. His breath was hot on your neck, uncomfortable and wet as you felt the cold metal of his dagger back on your throat. Tears were starting to stream down your face. You were trapped, unable to do anything but look at Kita and hope that he would magically find a way to save you from this monster. You didn't want to have to die like this.

“One step closer and I'll slit her throat!” 

“You'll never make it out of here alive if you do.” Your knight's eyes were darting from you to your captor, to the blade at your neck, back to you. The fury in his eyes had dimmed itself a bit. He looked sad, almost pained. As if he was the one feeling a knife dig into his flesh, not you. Perhaps it was pain from not being able to pull you out of Garret's grip. From not being able to fulfill his duty. From being kept away from you while you were suffering. Or perhaps it was just the pain of knowing that he would be punished for not saving you. You hoped that he would at least be spared from that. He didn't deserve this, he did nothing wrong. If only your father knew how much he meant to you. If God was willing to grant you just one dying wish, he would let Kita live.

“Want to risk it?” You could feel Garret flexing his fingers. He was getting nervous. Was Kita really going to attack him? 

Looking back at Kita, you noticed something. For just a split second, his eyes flickered towards the table, then back to Garret. The man probably didn't notice it, but you did. What did he see that you didn’t? Careful not to move your head, you glanced down. And there it was, the thing that had caught his attention: The knife you had used to eat your breakfast with. 

In your blinding panic, you hadn't noticed or thought of it until now. But if you could just manage to grab it without Garret noticing it, it might just save your life. It wasn't the sharpest knife, but it was sharp enough. With its pointed tip and the regular sharpening it underwent, it might just be able to do the trick.

Luckily, your arm that was facing towards the table was not the one that Garret was grabbing. Carefully, you moved your fingertips to the edge of the table. Then, when no reaction came,, you placed your palm on the table. The two men were still arguing but none of their words made it through to you through the sound of blood rushing through your veins and the struggle to stay unsuspected by Garret. Everything was a blur then, from the moment you grabbed the knife, to the one you rammed it into Garret's thigh to the moment he let go of you and you ran away, not looking where you were stumbling to. 

For just a moment, you were completely caught up in the relief of finally getting away from this man who just tried to use and abuse you that it took you a bit to realize what was really happening right now: You had stumbled towards the door, Garret was clutching his stabbed leg with one hand, dagger still firmly in the other hand. Kita darted forward, disarming him within just a moment while he was still distracted by the wound you had given him. Kita was lucky that Garret didn't carry his sword with him, or he might have given him a hard time. He probably thought he wouldn't need it to intimidate a fragile little princess into doing whatever he wanted. 

Just that second, as Kita's arm wormed itself around Garret’ 's neck to keep him in a headlock and stop him from causing more harm, you tried taking a deep breath and finally felt it: The burn of an open wound and the blood dripping down from your neck.

Kita's Point Of View 

Finally, finally did he get his hands on the man who had you in his clutches just seconds ago. The image of you, scared and possibly hurt, with a dagger pressed to your delicate throat would forever be etched into his mind. Just like the death of a different Lady haunted him in his nightmares, this day would pay him many visits at night, he could already tell. But this was not the time to think about that. This was the time for him to focus and protect you, just like he promised he would, like he needed to make up for his past mistakes.

Garret’s dagger landed on the ground with a clatter while he sunk down on his knees in pain and defeat. With his free arm, Kita immediately wrapped him into a headlock, squeezing tight to make sure he couldn't move. He would soon make Garret regret laying a hand on you. Kita squeezed his arm a bit tighter around his neck.

“Do you want me to kill this man for you, princess?” he asked through gritted teeth. His voice sounded strange, fueled by a fury he had never felt before. It was like his hands were itching to rip this man's throat out but were unable to do so without your command. As much as he wanted to make Garret feel the same pain he had inflicted on you, the same pain he had put Kita through by threatening the most precious person in his life, he could not do it. The death of your previous knights still haunted you, so he would only kill Garret in front of you if that was what you wanted, if it made you feel better. Kita would do anything to make you feel better. To show you that you were safe, that Garret could no longer hurt you, that no one could hurt you in Kita's presence. He would keep you safe. He was your shield. Your knight. While he was still waiting for you to tell him what to do, instead of a command, a pained gasp escaped your lips. 

Within a split second, Kita's eyes landed on your form, on your knees, bent over and curled in on yourself. Your mouth was wide open, like there was a silent scream making its way out of you, but no sound was to be heard. One of your arms was wrapped around your stomach, like you were trying to hold your own body together, the other one reached up to your neck, hand pressed desperately against it. And under your fingers.. there was blood. Blood was dripping down from where your hand was down onto your chest. 

There was a beat of silence, none of you made any sound for what seemed like eternity. Kita's head was empty. There were no thoughts inside his head. It felt like he was in a dream, his worst nightmare playing out right in front of him in slow motion without him being able to do anything about it. His hands were too heavy to lift, his legs too tired to hoist him up. His mouth was too dry to get any words out, his whole being consumed by dread and panic at the sight in front of him. 

Garret seemed to realize the situation sooner than Kita did. Utilizing every chance and opportunity he got to get himself out of this mess, he jumped to his feet, nimble even with his wounded leg and ran out of the room. It didn't matter if you died or not. He knew that if he was going to get captured and brought before the king, he was going to die anyway. 

Still, your protector couldn't move. He should move. He should get up, he should try and help you, and if there was nothing else to be done, he should hold you and comfort you while you took your last breaths. If he couldn't stop you from dying, he should at least make sure that your death wasn't as lonely as the last few days of your life had been. But he couldn't. All he could do was kneel in your room, surrounded by your things, your clothes, your needlework, your books, and stare. Stare at your hand, stare at your neck, stare at the dribbles of blood flowing over your soft skin. This was a situation Kita was almost never confronted with: Not knowing what to do. Feeling his emotions get a hold of him, chaining him like a dog to a kennel, unable to move and run towards the hand that had always fed him. Unable to help you.

This never should have happened. Not to you. Not on his watch. How could he live with himself if you died on his watch? He couldn't. Perhaps the king would at least show him mercy and execute him alongside the monster that had done this to you. Having his own life taken from him would hurt less than watching you lose yours. The brink of madness was right in front of him as he saw your eyes turn to him, pain, confusion, desperation apparent in them, alongside a silent plea: Help me.

That was all that he needed. He didn't know how or when he did, but he gathered all his strength, all his willpower to move his legs. With a surge of power, he hoisted himself up and over to your fragile form, wasting no more time. Your breaths were ragged and too fast, but they were breaths nonetheless. Your ribcage was moving, air was flowing into your lungs. More than once had Kita seen a man die from having his throat slit open and it did not sound like this. Maybe this wasn't as bad as he first thought. Maybe there was still hope. 

With pleading eyes, you looked up at him. Not once did your eyes leave his. It felt like you were clinging onto his presence to hold you together just like he was clinging onto you and the glimmer of hope that your wound was not fatal. Taking a deep breath, he braced himself for whatever may expect him beneath your palm. Whatever it may be, he needed to be strong, calm. For you. So he would be. 

He carefully grasped your wrist and pulled it away from your neck. The skin underneath was red and puffy, blood smeared all over it. The blood was still dripping from the wound, but the sight still made his heart jump: The wound was not actually on your neck, but mostly on your collarbone. Extending a bit upward, the cut reached the bottom of your throat, but the upper part of the cut was shallow, not deep enough to cause any damage to your airways. 

Kita could finally let out the breath he had been holding the whole time, his hand clutching yours tighter. Without even thinking about it or controlling it, his other hand moved to brush over your forehead, like a parent would do to a distressed child.. “It's alright,” he croaked out. “It's alright. It's not your neck. It's alright. It's alright.” 

Your face was overcome with disbelief for a second before tears of relief escaped your eyes. And maybe it was just his imagination or his confused mind, but for just a moment he could feel a wetness roll from his eye to his chin, almost like a tear of his own. He started pressing down on the wound to stop the bleeding. You whimpered under his touch and his heart squeezed in his chest while you held onto his arms to steady yourself. 

“I'm sorry, I'm sorry, princess.” He almost felt the need to kiss your temple, to help you smooth out the wrinkles that came along with screwing your eyes shut in pain. “It'll get better soon,” he promised. 

Careful not to hurt you, he wrapped an arm around you and heaved you up. Your whole body was pulled flush against his to keep you from toppling over. The puffs of air escaping your lips warmed his neck, your nose was bumping into his jaw, your hands were still clinging to his arms while his one hand, that was still pushing down onto your wound, was sandwiched between your bodies. Quickly and smoothly, Kita maneuvered you onto your bed where he hoped you'd find some comfort. Without thinking, he kneeled down in front of you and grabbed the handkerchief lying folded up on your nightstand and pressed it onto the wound to soak up the blood and stop the bleeding. At first, he didn't recognize it but after a few seconds, he realized what it was: The handkerchief he had given you in the garden. It felt like that day was an eternity away, like it happened a lifetime ago. Yet here you were, still holding onto it. 

You clasped your hand over his. “You're shaking,” you whispered.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered back. 

“It's alright.” You squeezed his hand. Another tear made its way down over your cheek. “Don't leave me alone again.” The scared look returned to your eyes. 

“Never,” he promised. And as he was kneeling in front of you, he finally allowed the tears to flow freely. There was nothing else he could do. “I'm yours, princess. Forever. I will never leave your side. I belong to you. My whole life belongs to you,” he said. I love you, he thought. 

-> Next Chapter

#kita #kita shinsuke #kita x you #kita x reader #kita x y/n #kita angst #kita imagine #kita x reader angst #kita shinsuke x reader #kita shinsuke x you #kita shinsuke x y/n #haikyuu #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu x reader #medival au #knight au #princess au #angst #hurt/comfort

[loveephia]

"i'll never let another boy hurt you ever again." your close friend, suna rintarō, vowed a promise as he held your crying figure close. a small smile formed on his face at the fact that you found comfort in him first. he was first.

best believe that he kept his promise, even years later.

oh, how radiant you were, walking down the aisle, even though it wasn't toward him. it was toward kita shinsuke, his perfect, no-cutting-corners, straight A'd volleyball captain in high school.

it wasn't like suna was bitter about the occasion. if you weren't for him, then he'd much rather you be with kita, a boy who could never hurt you.

one day, you'll thank him for protecting you from all the sleazy guys you almost fell for, but really, there's no thanks needed to be said.

after all, he was just doing what every friend would do.

as he was, your close friend, suna rintarō.

© lowercase intended | loveephia

#haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!! #hq x reader #hq x y/n #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x y/n #hq hcs #tooth rotting fluff #hq #haikyuu angst #haikyuu #haikyū!! #haikyu x reader #suna x reader #suna x you #suna x y/n #shinsuke kita x reader #kita x you #kita x y/n #kita x reader #suna rintarō #suna rintarou #shinsuke kita #kita shinsuke #unrequited love #marriage #one sided love