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artificialqueens · 4 years

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Girl I Met On The Internet, 2/? (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

a/n: aaaa i’m so glad everyone liked the first chapter! i think this story will end up staying focused on gigi and crystal for the most part, but there is some (one sided) jankie in this chapter if you’re into that! also: just in case no one got the reference, the nickname crystal gives gigi, ‘georgia rose’,comes from the 1d lyrics “Said her name was georgia rose, and her daddy was a dentist” from their song ‘best song ever’!

gigi: are u okay :( ily crystal

crystal: yeah i just got picked on by this cheerleader that doesnt like me

Technically, she wasn’t lying. Crystal didn’t think it was too bad, considering she really only ever saw Dahlia in history class, but she still made it her mission to make that 45 minutes rough for Crystal whenever possible. This time it was pushing all of Crystal’s belongings off of her desk while she was leaving.

gigi: fuck. im sorry.

crystal: it’s fine dskjdshjgkjf i wish all cheerleaders could take notes from you and jan

gigi: yaaas me and jan invented being nice

gigi: but i was wondering if maybe you could teach me about one direction later tonight?

Crystal had tried to convince the group earlier in the week that One Direction was the best boy band ever, and had only managed to get Jan to agree. She was glad that Gigi had finally come to her senses.

crystal: finally changing your mind? amazayn!

gigi: i regret asking now. take that pun back to 2011!!!!

The rest of the day went as normal. The chat was pretty active, but eventually died down at the end of the school day. Everyone seemed to have plans; Jan was studying, Jaida was going out to hang with friends, Nicky was sleeping, and Heidi was starting a new challenge on the Sims. It appeared to be just her and Gigi, alone in the group chat.

Crystal decided to message Gigi privately, not wanting the rest of the girls to see her go into full stan mode. If someone asked Crystal about her interests, she could go hours before thinking of stopping herself.

crystal: ok miss gigi are you ready for your 1d crash course?

Crystal told Gigi everything she wanted to know and even more. A history of how they got together, way too much information on each of the five boys, telling her the best songs on each album, and making sure that Gigi knew ‘Midnight Memories’ was their best album.

gigi: but ur @ is dedicated to made in the am?? fraud!

crystal: HELPFDFHBJ

crystal: mmcrystal sounds weird… like no thanks

gigi: that was very interesting.. i’ll def listen to midnight memories in the morning <3

crystal: YAY! gigi 1d stan finally

gigi: no promises! :)

Crystal didn’t respond to that, not really knowing what to talk about now. Having a group of friends helped her be less awkward, but it definitely didn’t fix that problem completely.

gigi: do u wanna play 21 questions or something?? to get to know eachother better???

Of course, Crystal jumped at the chance to get to know the other girl better. It started very innocently, asking about favorite colors and foods. Gigi quickly changed that.

gigi: uhh… have u ever kissed a girl?

crystal: sadly no.. my state is full of straight people

gigi: same.. ur turn

crystal: this feels awkward to ask but uhhh….

As soon as she hits send, she instantly regrets it. She backtracks what she had originally typed, desperately trying to come up with another question. Crystal was not able to think of anything else.

gigi: ????

“I guess I’ll have to do it,” Crystal says, talking to absolutely no one. She types it out again, looking away from her phone as she blindly tried to hit the send button, like it would help her situation be any less flustering for her.

crystal: how long have you and nicky been dating?

Would Gigi find it weird that she asked? Gigi was the one who brought up kissing girls, not Crystal, so it would be fine. Right?

gigi: CRYSTAL WHATBDGNHSDMFD

gigi: nicky and i are not dating omg im single

gigi: she’s like my sister. plus i would never do long distance

Crystal was so embarrassed. She was relieved this conversation was taking place through a screen, so Gigi wouldn’t see her blushing face.

She was pleased that she was wrong about the two girls, but Gigi’s answer was upsetting to her.

They asked a few more personal questions before Gigi started asking Crystal would you rather questions instead. Crystal’s favorite out of them was if she would rather get a mullet or dress like a clown every day for the rest of her high school career. The answer was both, obviously.

They spent the rest of the night sending each other stupid questions, giggling to themselves. The later it got, the more Gigi would flirt with her. At least Crystal thought it was flirting.

gigi: it’s really late and i have a test tomorrow so im gonna go to sleep. goodnight, babe

Gigi always would say ‘goodnight, bitch’, and this made Crystal even more confused. The ongoing joke that lesbians had the hardest time telling if a girl is into them or not was one of Crystal’s favorites, but now she couldn’t help but wonder if that was exactly what was happening to her. There was obviously a connection between them, but it was unclear to Crystal if it was just platonic.

It didn’t hit her until later that night, while she was trying to fall asleep, but Crystal wasn’t entirely sure where Gigi lived. She knew they were in the same time zone, but wasn’t sure what state she was in. It was totally possible that Gigi lived in Missouri, but Crystal highly doubted it. Though Gigi obviously trusted Crystal enough to want to play 21 questions with her, she was still very private, and Crystal wasn’t too sure if Gigi would tell her what state she was in.

Crystal fell asleep thinking about her highly unrealistic perfect world, where Gigi lived in Missouri and where Crystal wasn’t just another Nicky.

Crystal got onto Twitter right after waking up the next morning, ready to ask Gigi if she happened to live in Missouri, but quickly got distracted with a very interesting conversation going on in the group chat.

jan!: now i may not be gay but i’m in love with a woman… 2 words jackie

jaida: i- that’s only one word

jan!: fuck

heidi: the way i can’t tell if you’re joking or not

jan!: the way i don’t think i am joking

gigi: YAAS about time u admitted that u like her

crystal: hold on i thought jan was straight?? who’s jackie???

nicky: do you really think a straight person would hang out with us?

crystal: good point

jan!: I AM STRAIGHT! i think? i don’t know i’m so confused.

heidi: jackie is jan’s local @ crystal

gigi: jan be like: im straight.

gigi: but also jan is like: wow jackie is so pretty and she’s so funny and smart i’m going to fail geometry so she can tutor me but no homo!

heidi: the delusion janice has…

jaida: not to be serious but if you think you like jackie, you probably aren’t straight baby. everyone else hush and let her talk

nicky: ^^ yeah jan what happened

jan!: first of all i did not fail geometry i just said we should study together so we did!!! and have been for months! but last night i couldn’t focus at all bc she’s so pretty all i wanted to do was k*ss her out of nowhere

In a way, Crystal could definitely relate. Gigi wasn’t her local, she still didn’t know what the girl looked like, but she still kind of wanted to kiss her. She couldn’t focus on anything besides Gigi sometimes, not like she would ever admit it.

All of the girls had sent many comforting messages addressed to Jan, saying that it was okay, and she has all the time she needs to figure out her feelings. Afterwards, everyone had gone back to being playful. Gigi also tried to convince her to make a move on Jackie, which Jan refused.

gigi: if u talk to her u guys can get married <3

crystal: gigi you’re so stupid i love it

jan!: omg did someone say stupid love??? stream!

gigi: crystal back me up :(

crystal: i might’ve found out who jackie is only 10 minutes ago but i will cry if jan doesn’t talk to her right now

jan!: better start crying bc i dont think i can even look at her now

jaida: that’s not saying much at all. you cried the other day bc gigi sent a pic of her dog

crystal: I AM A NANCY STAN FIRST AND A HUMAN SECOND!!

Crystal knew she looked like an idiot, walking to her locker with her eyes glued to her phone and a dopey smile on her face but she couldn’t care less.

The day actually went well for Crystal. The highlight of her day was finding out that the story she wrote for her creative writing class had gotten the highest grade out of everyone in the class, earning her a piece of candy.

crystal: just got candy and a 99% on my story for class… i truly have the mind of a mastermind

jaida: beauty and intelligence in one combined!

Navigating through the halls was much more difficult when your eyes are glued to your phone, but replying to a meme Jaida sent seemed much more appealing to Crystal than getting to her seventh period without worrying about bumping into someone. And bumping into someone, she did.

“What the actual fuck, weirdo?” Dahlia yelped, looking extremely offended, “Get off of your sad, cracked phone and watch where your dumb ass is going.”

Crystal just stared at her, frozen in fear. Dahlia taunted her daily, but this was very different from how she usually acts towards her. It was quite terrifying.

“I swear to God, if you ever look at me, let alone fucking touch me again-” She continued, but before she could finish her statement, she was interrupted by her friend, Georgina running over and pulling her away.

Crystal didn’t think Georgina shared Dahlia's hatred for her, and Crystal didn’t hate Georgina either. Georgina actually seemed very sweet besides the fact that she had never bothered to step in on the rare occasion Dahlia happened to target Crystal outside of class.

“Can you please leave her alone? We don’t have time for this.” Georgina groaned, looking back at Crystal, flashing her a quick smile, before turning around to escort Dahlia to what Crystal assumed was cheerleading practice.

“But she bumped into me!” Dahlia whined, not used to being interrupted like this.

“Really? Wow, funny. I don’t care.”

Once they were out of sight, Crystal was alone again. She pulled out her phone and went to check if anyone had said anything else in the chat; just Jan freaking out, because Jackie had smiled at her in the hallway.

heidi: everyone say i if you think jan should stop being a baby and ask jackie out

jaida: i

crystal: i

jan!: WTF

jan!: friendship ended with heidi, jaida and crystal. now nicky and gigi are my best friends

jaida: they would say i too if they were online and you know that

jan!: i don’t need friends! they disappoint me!

Crystal decided to not use her phone while she was walking home, not wanting to have a repeat of the Dahlia situation. Her after school routine changed a lot in the past week, making a rule to not check Twitter before completing her homework. Her Twitter addiction was getting worse, but since it was also causing her to be more productive with doing her homework, she saw no issues with it. Once she had finished, she picked up her phone to see that Gigi had messaged her less than a minute ago.

gigi: hey clown :) im done w practice

crystal: WHY AM I A CLOWNDFSHDM

gigi: u just have clown energy. i cant and wont explain

crystal: honestly yeah i see it but can i at least be your clown wife or something

gigi: yeah <3 hey clown wife! i listened to most of midnight memories and it was really good! my fave song is u and i

If that’s not love, then what is? If that’s not friendship, then what is? Crystal had never been able to get anyone to listen to anything she recommended, ever. She was filled with glee, double tapping the message to heart it. It meant a lot to her.

crystal: YAYAYAYAYA im so glad but it looks so ugly when you spell it like that

gigi: my fave song you and i* >:(

crystal: better

gigi: if i have to stop spelling it as u to make you not divorce me i will

Crystal knew deep down it was just a joke, but it made her heart race. The feeling she got every time Gigi would flirt with her was very unfamiliar, but very nice. It didn’t help that Crystal thought ‘You and I’ was one of the most romantic songs One Direction had, she couldn’t help but make the fact Gigi liked it out of all of the other songs into something it was not.

This reminded her of her late night thoughts. She had completely forgotten to ask Gigi where she lived, but the idea didn’t seem the greatest now that she was fully awake. She was still curious though, so against her better judgement she asked, without a segway or anything.

crystal: i forgot to ask but what state do you live in? asking for science

gigi: oh i live in missouri

crystal: omg me too

gigi: i don’t wanna reveal where but this is amazing.. maybe we won’t have to break the distance at all <3

Pleased that she somehow got an answer, Crystal changed the conversation into a discussion of ‘Midnight Memories’, and if Gigi agreed with the opinions Crystal had shared the night before. She did, for the most part and before they knew it, it was time for Gigi to go sleep. Had they really talked all evening?

gigi: i have to get up early so i need to go to sleep but im really glad jan added u to the gc

crystal: and im happy you asked me about one direction!

gigi: me too. ur cute when ur passionate. i hope we can continue to grow closer

crystal: i’d like that.

gigi: goodnight, my clown :)

crystal: goodnight, georgia rose

gigi: U DID NOT

gigi: my full name isnt even georgia and dad isnt even a dentist but i’ll allow it bc i know u think u invented comedy

gigi: ok gn now <33 luv u

crystal: gn!!! sleep well

Crystal wanted them to stay like this forever.

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #crystal methyd #jan sport #jaida essence hall #heidi n closet #nicky doll #dahlia sin #crygi #lesbian au #high school au #social media au #girl i met on the internet #strawberry #submission #s12

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willykappymarnsmatts · 4 years

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Wrong Direction: Chapter 2 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

“I just got off the phone with Max,” it's been two weeks since I've moved into Will’s place, my stuff still in boxes all over the apartment.

“Oh?’ William responds, tossing me a smoothie from the fridge as we get ready to go to practice. I still go to sleep in tears and wake up with puffy eyes, but Willy makes me feel like everythings going to be okay, if not today then someday soon. “How is he?”

“Good,” I tell him, scratching at the back of my neck, refusing to look up at him knowing what comes next. “He asked me to come stay with him. Well, he didn't ask. He's kinda forcing me.”

“Oh,” Will says. He turns around and faces me with a look on his face of a mix of betrayal and hurt, and it makes me want to burst into tears. “Um, well, are you gonna go?”

“I have to, babe. He's my brother, and he said that if I don't come by myself he'll pack my things for me the next time he comes to Toronto.” I feel bad, but I do miss Max.

Willy just frowns at me. “When are you leaving?”

“Uh, tomorrow. He said he'd buy me a plane ticket.”

“To Montreal?! I could drive you!”

“I know, its okay. He’s the one paying so I don't really care honestly. Don't we have to get going?’

“Yeah,” he giggles, glancing at the watch on his wrist.

On our way to the arena, I take deep breaths to try to calm my racing heart and shaking hands. Seeing Kasperi this often still hurts just as bad as seeing him in bed with that girl. But the whole situation has given me a lot of inspiration for a new song that i've been working on, bouncing ideas off of Will day and night.

He notices my agitation and reaches over to grab my hand. “After this, you won't ever have to see him or me ever again.”

“Hey, don't say that,” I pout. “I'll be back and i'll move back in with you, if you let me, in a couple months. I just need a break from Toronto. Everything I know is laced with memories of him. I can't even enjoy your games because he's there.”

Will nods without looking away from the road. “You're always welcome at my place. We’re all still really pissed at him, you know. Mitch hasn't spoken to him since that night, and you know how Mitch is. Auston doesn't even look at him, and Zach’s only talking to him because he feels bad that everyone is making every effort to ignore him but me. The whole fucking team loves you, Y/N. Oh, and Derms took a slapshot at his ankle the other night and he had to sit out for an entire period.”

My eyes are brimmed with tears and I have to look up at the ceiling of the car to keep them from spilling over. “Can you let the guys know i'm leaving? I'll obviously talk to them, but I don't want to be the one to break the news to them.”

Will nods. “Of course.” he smiles at me then and looks away from the road for a split second to wipe away a tear.

•••

I sit in the third row to watch the boys’ practice and try to continue writing, but the yelling and pucks hitting the boards constantly is distracting, so eventually I give up and watch them skate. During a water break, I catch myself watching Kasperi. All he does is take a few deep breaths, but watching him like this, as if nothing ever happened, makes my heart shatter. Before I can look away, he looks up at me and I watch his entire face fall. He stares at me and I stare back. He studies me, as if to memorize me. I can't look away, and he refuses to skate away. He continues forward, until he's at the boards and we’re a few feet away from each other. Neither of us can pretend we weren't looking at each other. He stops, and so does my heart. And we just watch each other. Just stare. My heart is breaking with every moment that passes, and my stomach hurts, because he was my everything.

A whistle blows. Kasperi whips his head around. The sounds of the rink come back into my ears, and we’re both taken out of the world where we were the only two people who existed. He skates away, glancing back at me once before never looking back at me again.

•••

“Y/N,” Willy says as soon as I answer his facetime call. I've been in Montreal with Max for about two months and I released my song about a week ago. Wills is driving back from practice, which is when he gives me a rundown on how “incredible” he was and how he's gonna kick ass at the next game. But today he looks anything but confident, his forehead a mass of worry lines and his mouth turned down into a frown.

“Y/N, your song is saved on my playlist, and I got the aux this morning. After practice, it came on. Most of us were singing, and I glanced at Kap, and he was just sitting there in his stall. He wasn't moving. Just staring straight ahead.”

I sit up. “Woah, slow down. I thought Kasperi and I were finished.” When I moved away, after the day at the rink, Will told me that Kasperi stopped seeming to care. He was out with a different girl every two days, bringing random girls home every day of the weekend. It still hurts, but it hurt more to realize that our entire relationship meant nothing to him. But if Will is telling the truth, which I don't doubt he is, it makes everything a whole lot more confusing.

“I thought so too, but listen. I think that it was your voice at first, Y/N. He hasn't heard your voice in months. And then he heard the rest of the song, he listened without moving, and as soon as it ended he got up, in just his slides and shorts, and fucking left the room.”

I'm silent, letting Will talk. “The rest of us didn't know what to do, so I tried to follow him. I found him in the weights room, and he was in tears.” Will flicks on the turn signal and turns onto his street, then glances at his phone to see if he should continue the story. I nod at him, holding my breath to keep from breaking down at the thought of Kasperi.

“I went to him and sat with him, and he just cried. I haven't seen him cry since he thought I was getting promoted to the bigs and he wasn't. But he was sobbing. So I sat with him, and eventually he calmed down enough to choke out that he misses you. He told me the girls were a front, and that he hasn't been able to sleep ever since that night. And, Y/N, I dont think he's lying. His eyes always have huge bags under them and he's so shaky. So I asked him why he did it, but he didn't have an answer. He said he missed you and he felt like you didn't love him anymore because you were always out doing stuff for your album, but I told him that was bullshit and he said he knew it. He told me he can't breathe without, and that he hates that he hurt you. So I told him to talk to you, and he said he'd try to text you later today.”

“Damn,” I respond, not sure how to feel. “I want to love him again, but I don't know if I can trust him.”

“You don't have to. He knows he hurt you, and that he has to work to get you back, but I am asking you to please just try to talk to him, because fuck, Y/N, if there’s a such thing as soulmates, it’s you guys. You're both in so much pain. Take your time, keep your walls up, but just talk to him.”

“Okay. Okay, fine.”

“Thank you, beautiful best friend. I'm home now, so I'll call you back in a couple hours?”

“Yeah, that’s cool. See ya.”

He ends the call and I'm left in silence. Then my phone dings with a text notification in my hand, and my heart picks up speed. I know exactly who it is, and I don't want to look at it, not right away, so I throw it across the couch with a pillow on top of it.

I put my head in my hands and try to slow my speeding heart by taking a few deep breaths. “Fuck!” I yell, then silently thank Max for going out a few hours ago. I wipe my face with my hands and sit straight up.

I stare at the pillow my phone is sitting under, knowing without ever checking that there is a text from Kasperi Kapanen waiting for me. My phone dings again and my heart jumps. I stand up and rip my phone from under the pillow.

‘wrong direction huh’

‘i miss u’

I cover my mouth with my hand and my eyes brim with tears. I sit back slowly onto the couch and read over the messages two, three, four more times before unlocking my phone and tapping on the text bar.

‘Dang, how'd u know it was abt u?’

I smile slightly as I type out the message and hold my breath when I hit send. I don't have to wait even a second before the three bubbles come up on the screen.

‘no idea’

‘ig im just tht good’

I laugh and type out another response.

‘Imyt. How r u?’

I bite my lip when the text bubbles come up, and a few seconds later his response comes.

‘could be better tbh. can’t sleep @ the apt nymore so i spend the nites b4 games @ 1 of the guys places’

My breath catches at the words. Then another message pops up.

‘im so sry 4 everything’

I bite my lip and close my eyes, taking a breath.

‘Thx. I havent stopped thinking abt u’

‘me neither’

I take another deep breath. Kasperi was my favourite person, my person, for so long. It's scary how easily we can fall back into simple, comfortable conversation, as if nothing ever happened. So I decide to be straight up and honest with him, and if he really does still care about me, he’ll understand.

‘U broke me, Kasperi. I never thought tht u would hurt me, and u literally broke me. I miss u more than nything and it hurts so bad to b without u, but seeing u in bed with another girl, tht broke me. It felt like our whole relationship was built on lies, and tht u never actually cared abt me. So yeah, i cant stop thinking abt u, and i want to b able to love you again, but u broke my trust and idk if ill ever trust u like i did before.’

I hit send and feel like I'm going to be sick. Everything I type I’ve told Will and all the other guys, but after the day I left the apartment, I never spoke to Kasperi about anything. The three bubbles come up on the screen and I hold my breath, then they disappear. They come up and disappear a couple more times, until a message finally pops up on the screen.

‘i wish i could take back everything i ever did 2 hurt u, but ik its not tht ez. i rly do want 2 fix this, tho. would u b down to ft l8r?’

I can't breathe, but I manage to type out a response without screaming.

‘Sure. Just text me when ur ready’

I take a deep breath and click my phone off. I'm about to get up when my phone dings again. I glance at the message and it makes my chest feel like it's going to explode.

‘ok i will <3’

I smile down at the screen and go to plug in my phone so it's charged when Kasperi wants to call. I really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again, but the least I can do is give him a chance to apologize. He's already broken me so badly, even if he lets me down again nothing will compare to the amount of hurt I’ve already felt.

#kasperi kapanen #kasperi kapanen fic #kasperi kapanen/reader #kasperi kapanen imagine #william nylander #hockey imagine #toronto maple leafs fic #toronto maple leafs #toronto maple leafs imagine #hockey fic #nhl #nhl hockey #nhl hockey fic #nhl hockey imagine #willykappymarnsmatts

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itsyourbby · 5 years

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💔Cheater💔katsuki bakugou x reader

Warning the fallowing text contains..

-curse words

-rough sex (sorda)

-a hurtful topic (author-Chan hates seeing one of her favorite characters cheat on her reader which hurts her😅)(oops spoiler)

You have been warnedddd

________________________

Ever since I first laid my eyes on him...I loved him...I didn't mind his weird muttering habit,matter a fact I loved it! I didn't mind how shy he was,it made him seem cute, I loved everything about him from his big feet to his green curly hair,

i didn't mind his determination towards being the number one hero,I truly didn't,but because of leaving him be and letting him study or whatever for that excuse I didn't seem to realize.....that he was cheating on me....

~A few weeks ago~

"Hey izuku?" I said with a hopeful determination that he might want to watch a movie.

"Y-yeah..? What's up (y/n)~San..?"he asked with a bit of nervousness.

"Can we watch a movie?! We almost never have time for our relationship..You're always busy with your determination of being the top hero...Oh I'm not annoyed about that but just...can I be noticed by you for once..?"I looked down and noticed that uraraka came into the living room.

Izuku looked at uraraka and gave her a worried look,uraraka on the other hand gave izuku a mad glare...hearing a big sigh I looked up.

"S-sorry (y/n) but I got loads of work I got to finish and give to all might..I'll see you later alright..?"

Like always..that same stupid..excuse...

Feeling a weak peck on the cheek I hear him start talking to uraraka.

"That was tough"

I gasp and looked at my right realizing that bakugou was leaning on the wall with his hands in his pockets this whole time.

"O-oh katsuki..hey.."you might wonder why I'm calling bakugou by his first name..well long story short I was sad about izuku not noticing me and he seemed to notice me instead of izuku himself so he took the responsibility to make me feel better...with out realizing it we got close😅really close.

I looked back at my feet with a frown.

"Oi keep frowning and you'll end up with that same face,anyway how about we watch a shitty movie,fucking deku doesn't know what he's missing.."he said while grabbing the controller and sitting next to me.

Seems like that cheered me up because the next thing you know I started smiling along with giggling.

"Why the fuck are you giggling?STOP GIGGLING BEFORE I FUCKING REGRET DOING THIS FOR YOU,YOU LITTL-"

"Oh OK OK OK IM SORRY GOMEN GOMEN..it's just that..I never thought that the almighty bakugou katsuki would do something that nice for a loser like me..."I looked down once again biting my bottom lip.

"O-oi don't talk about yourself like that..if we're gonna watch a movie then you gotta be happy..I wanna see your stupid smile..."he said with a hint of blush.

My eyes widened in shock, I looked up at him then soften my face

‘I'm so thankful for having him'

A few minutes later

You had your head on katsuki's shoulder and slowly started drifting off to sleep..but wait...you had an idea..

You stand up and turned around to look at katsuki

"Oi what the hell! the movie was getting good sit your ass down!"

"Wait but katsuki I forgot to make popcorn!"you looked at him with your puppy face

"Grrragh fine go get them"he said while looking back at the movie.

You head to the kitchen trying to find the popcorn,once you find it you put it in the microwave and sit

'I wonder how izuku is doing..oh! I can check up on him and maybe bring some sandwiches!!! I'm such a good girlfriend☺️’

I got out everything that I needed for my piece of work and got to work!

Time skip brought to you byyyyyy

This adorable picture of shigaraki😭❤️

_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

"Good Im finally done"

Grabbing a tray you put the sandwiches on the tray along with izuku's favorite juice.

You start to head to his dorm thinking about how he'll thank you.

'OH thank you so much (n/n), i love you so much babe❤️"

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*

You sighed realizing that he will never say that,you zoned out when you started hearing...moaning.

"What the hell..?"

You looked at the room that was next to you and realized where it came from..izuku.

putting your ear on the door you started hearing the moan even louder...yep it's in this room

"Mmmnnn"

"hahhh just give it to me please.."

"Your such a naughty girl ochako "

'O-ochako..'

You took a big breath and decide to knock.

'THEY DIDNT EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO FUCKING CLOSE THE DOOR'

You just wanted to get this over with so you just opened it and the next thing you saw horrored you.

You saw izuku-no, midoriya and uraraka on his bed...naked...making out and enjoying it

"I-izuku..."your voice cracked as the realization hit you.he’s been doing this...for 2 whole fucking years...

you were so shocked that you didn't even noticed that you let go of the tray.now on the floor was 2 messed up pieces of sandwiches and a spilled juice.

'How could he do this' he promised to always be with you,to always support you,to never betray you...

Midoriya turn his head fast realizing who's voice he just heard

"(Y/N)?!"he got off the bed and head to your direction.clumps of tears went down your eyes,you never cried this much before, it was shocking to you that it was possible to have this much tears in such a small period of time,you started sobbing realizing that he never cared about you,he never loved you.

He grabbed your arm with his filthy hands but you took your hand out of his embrace with a pity look on your face

"(N/N) ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE..IM SO SORRY,I CAN EXPLAIN"he looked at you with teary eyes and begged you to listen to him,you had enough,

"YOU RAT BASTERD"hearing you say that... it sounded like venom to midoriya,his eyes widen surprised at what you just said,tears started to fall down his horrified face,he never saw you this mad,he never heard you curse,for once he realized that he actually fucked up,you turned around and started running, not Even a minute later you hit something,you didn't care what it was or who it was but you just hugged it

"Wait what the fuck,WHY THE FUCKING FUCK ARE YOU CRYING (N/N)?!

WHO THE FUCK HURT YOU,ILL KILL THEM?!?!?!?!"

You looked up and noticed that you were hugging katsuki.

"K-katsuki.."you sobbed louder and louder.katsuki looked above you trying to find the purpose on why your adorable little face is crying.his eyes widened when he saw midoriya crying on the door frame, naked (well he was covering his ding dong with a pillow).

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT,IS THIS THE REASON WHY YOU HAVENT BEEN SPENDING TIME WITH HER,BECAUSE YOUR FUCKING CHEATING ON HER WITH THAT WHORE ?!"

You heard doors opening and people gasping at the thing they saw.

"Omg (n/n) are you alright?"momo went up to you and started hugging you.

"That's so messed..up"kirishima looked down and shakes his head in disappointment.

"What the hell?! (N/n) are you alright?! I can't believe uraraka is such a whore,she's so desperate! i mean we all knew she liked midoriya since the beginning but we never thought she would ever do this to be with him....to make him cheat..."Mina said with disgust.

You started hearing midoriya sobbing louder and louder while whispering sorry and beating him self up non stop.

You turned around head hung low,tears running down your cheeks,

going back to katsuki and hugging him tightly afraid that he might let go,

"ca-can we le-leave..."

" abso-fucking-lutely"

Katsuki picked you up and headed strait to your room.

💦first pov💦

I felt broken..I wasn't expecting that...I'm so fucking dumb,how could I not realize that he was cheating on me..after all those excuses I didn't even realize that he was doing that..it's stupid..

"love is stupid"while not realizing that I said that out loud katsuki still had me,he was still carrying me,he's still with me...

(Look ok so I couldn't find a picture where it shows how katsuki was carrying reader~San, so this one is the most closest on how they look,katsuki is walking while you have your legs around his waist,having your arms around his neck and your head buried in his neck)

Katsuki was outside of your room so he just opened the door with his leg and softly laid you down on the bed with him just laying down next to you after he shut the door.

He sighed and started talking,

"Look...love Isn't stupid..it isn't bad and it isn’t a fucking waste.stupid,bad and a waste depends on the person you love,for example..."katsuki slowly got near you and once he was next to you he hugged you

(You can choose which ever you want reader~san😭)

"Fucking loving deku was a huge motherfucking mistakenly could have ever done...and well loving me..would be a whole different thing"he said with a tint of worry.

My eyes widened,did I hear that right?

I looked at him with my eyes widened for the hundredth time,I never noticed.

"Yeah....I fucking love you....I love you (y/n)..damn I’ve been wanting to say those words to you from the very beginning but since you went and started dating that shithead I didn’t want to....uh....ruin our friendship.."katsuki tried to avoid eye contact seeming that he wasn't looking at my direction.

I then realized what a huge mistake Ive made for 2 years..how could I not realize that..the person I should have loved was right infront of me..I wasted time on a fucking jerk that..that didn't even try to love me.i still had my eyes widened at the new information I just received...having flash backs of every moment I had with katsuki made me realize that...I slowly had fallen for him with out realizing it...every second I spended with him made me fall for him but of course..I had to be blinded by mother fucking izuku midoriya.

I looked at him in the eye,placed both of my hands on his cheeks and slammed my lips on his.

He was totally shooked, his eyes were widened as hell, a few seconds later he went along with it and closed his eyes fallowing my lead.

A few minutes passed and he took the lead,he was on top of me about to take my shirt off when he pulled away and asked,

"Are you sure..? You don't have to do it if you don't want to,it's ight with me🤷🏻‍♀️"

(Look reader~San,I know it escalated quickly,you just got your heart broken and now your about to get fucked xD but plz understand that this is smut and anything is possible🥳🤯🤩)

I sighed and took a big breath,

"No,no it's ok.i wanna do it..I truly do wanna do it.so just hurry...I want it"

Katsuki smirked at my response and quickly took his and my clothes off except for the undergarment,

//////////////////////////////////

he started planting sweet gentle kisses on me while I try to not moan,placing my hand above my mouth,katsuki some how noticed my struggle and grunted,

"Let me hear you,I wanna hear-.....god damn it..I wanna hear your fucking moans" taking ahold of my warm sweaty hand he started attacking my neck,going left and right,trying to fined my sweet spot.

"A-aAhH"I opened my eyes in shock,not prepared for the sudden feeling of pleasure.out of no where I couldn't stop but moan.

I looked down and noticed that kacchan was enjoying it.

'Ggrrr I'm not gonna let him play me like that'

I took his hands and flipped him over.

"Like if I would let you be top,I'm gonna show you who's the boss.."

I studied his face,looking at his shocked scarlet eyes to his once chapped lips.

Satisfied with his reaction I whispered to his ear

"Now I'll show you my true side."

Licking his ear I started giving him hickeys,one over here,and Another over here,

(Something like that..but a bit more cuz if u haven't noticed..reader~Chan is a freaky freak😏😉lmao I’m high)

"GgggaAah aAah~"

Was..WAS THAT A MOAN?!FROM KATSUKI?!!!!!!!

I felt my face get hot,oh god,I have a feeling that I'm blushing hardcore oh nah,I kept going down and I kept leaving him hickeys non stop,near his nipples,near his abbs,

Reaching his v line I started tugging on his boxers trying to let him know....that I'm actually finally ready..

He stood up on the end of the bed and grinned,slowly taking his boxers off he didn't take his eyes off of me,

"Ughhhhh kacchan~ hurry up..."I looked to my side trying to avoid eye contact after that embarrassing statement.

"Why should I? I'm gonna take as long as I fucking want,besides your not using the magic word sweetie"

Pouting, I opened my mouth trying to get the courage to say what he wanted me to say,

I took a deep breath

"JUST HURRY UP AND FUCK ME DAMN IT, I NEED U IN ME GOD FUCKING DAMN,IS IT TO MUCH TO ASK FOR YOU TO SIMPLY FUCK ME?!"

(You areeeee 4 C and 4 D..lmfAo🤣)

Seems like what I said turned him on cuz when I looked down there,the only thing I could see was a huge and I mean a HUGE fucking tent.

He bit his lip and finally took his boxer and his underwear off.

My eyes almost popped off once I seen his...his masterpiece..I guess?

"I-it's freakin HUGE"

I felt a bit worried and sorda painful,just thinking about it not fitting inside of me,just the idea of it tearing my insides apart,I sorda was looking forward to it?

Instead of him placing himself on my entrance he bend over and faced me.

"If you actually thought I was about to fucking give it to you then your fucking dreaming,I haven't even pleasured you yet😏"

He shoved 2fingers in my mouth while the other hand tried to take off my panties,I helped him instead of just seeing him miserably fail because bitch let me tell you I don't have my usual patience with me right now.

I sucked on the fingers until he pulled them out and shoved it up my womanhood.

"AaAhHh"moaning at that sudden action he kept going. The room was filled with me moaning,wet fingers inside of me and kacchan silently snickering.

I soon felt even more pleasure when he placed in 3 fingers,it felt like nothing I have ever felt,I never imagined such feeling could exist,just the thought about the pleasure that bakugou would give me later turned me on Even more.

I can't believe that I would be doing this with my boy best friend,with the person that actually loves me,I always thought that I would share this special moment with midoriya ..not kacchan..it's weird thinking about it for some reason,the person that I would promise my whole body to was always by my side while the person that I THOGHT would have my body was actually never there._. Oh well,at least I'm with the right person now!

Feeling something wet and...fast made me realize that he was now basically eating me.

The fast feeling of his tongue inside of me was incredible! He once again smirked.He licked up your folds, his tongues dipping past your hole teasingly. He used his thumb to toy with your clit as he stimulated your folds. He poked his tongue past your walls, wiggling it around before shoving in another finger

(You look like the bottom katsuki face xD)

"K-katsuki I-i thi-think I-im about-t to-"with a shocked tone I looked at him,my mouth opened and my tong out on the side might of made it enough for him.

You moaned out loudly at the sudden feeling of him going even faster.your orgasm rushing over you. Your eyes squeezed shut as he continued to pump you through your release.

You bucked your hip as you feel your insides tighten.

"Katsuki!"

Not even one second later You felt this thick white substance come out squirting on kacchansface.he just smirked and cleaned the mess with his tongue."fuck, (n/n)You looked so Goddamn good like that

I take a deep breath in and let it out.

"No lie..that felt sooo good~uhhh but that kinda tired me😭uughhh"

Hehe I guess I turned him on even more

💦Second pov💦

You felt his cock lift,you looked at it and saw the huge boner he’s been having the whole time.

"Hehehe I guess your little friend already wants me~"

You stand up and let kacchan sit up at the corner of the bed,

"Too bad,I haven't even pleasured you yet,sounds familiar right?"

"Tsk"

You smiled at the fact that you used his own words against himself.

You then were on your knees,closing your eyes and imagining on how it would feel when his whole dick would be inside of your mouth.

You gently touched his cock and blowed hot air on it,you looked up at him and saw him trying not to moan,

"Aaah come on kacchan,let me hear your moans,it's gonna make this whole thing better~" he just grunted and looked at you,"hurry up,I don't have the fucking patients to just wait for you and let u chose when you want to do this or not"

"What's the magic word?"

"Oh my fucking god (y/n)....JUST SUCK MY DAMN DICK YOU BITCH"

You spit on his cock and soon started to jerk him off,not even one minute later you hear him moaning,you smirked and started to go even faster,

he cocked his head back and closed his eyes trying his best not to moan but he sadly failed.

Your hand got tired so the next thing to do,was to suck it,instead of being scared..you were excited.you placed your mouth on his tip and started to swirl your tongue around it,you went deeper and deeper until your mouth didn't have enough space,I guess you need kacchan's help now,you placed your mouth off of it and looked at kacchan embarrassed,he looked at you curious on why you stopped.

"U-umm kacchan......I want you to.......face fuck me...I-if tha-That's alright w-with you?!?!?..."you looked at the floor trying not to blush,

'I can't believe that I just said that,oh god!'

Katsuki's eyes lid up,he looked a bit happy that you asked for help,he gave you a smug smirk and answered your request,

"Well of course love,aw don't be embarrassed it's ok to ask for help~

I'm fucking glad to help you,I'll face fuck you so hard that your whole fucking face would be red~

It's actually a fucking turn on when you ask for help~"

At first you pouted seeing that kacchan was mocking you but then you got embarrassed and looked away,you really were something else considering that sometime you felt the need to be bold but when someone gets you embarrassed you seem shy and tense.its like if you got 2 side of yourself,the innocent side and the bold devilish side,both making you who you truly are and at the same time both making you 2 different people.

"I'll make sure to ask for help more then~"as you responded with that, kacchan stood up and got his cock right in front of your face and waited for you to open your mouth.you know that it would feel a bit uncomfortable at first but you'll soon adjust to his size, so you take a deep breath and open your mouth and waited for him to shove his cock in your mouth.

"Ah-ah-ah did you fucking forget to say something? Fucking Rude.."

'Hmm?...oh...damn it!'

"*sigh* Itadakimasu.."

/////////////////////////////

To be continue......

Haha ok so this is my smut and I feel like it came out sorda good.i bet it was horrible in your experience but oh well😭Please let me know of any mistakes I didn't cover,and please send in tips on how I can do better in these things😂

I hope you like it soo toodles✌🏼

Should I do part 2?

Should I continue??

M💗

#bnha x reader #bnha #katsuki bakugou #katsuki bakugo x reader #midoriya izuku #x reader #reader #lemon #continue #please request #requests are open #request #mha #mha x reader #uraraka ochako #betrayal #cheated

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imriya · 6 years

Text

K Drama List Part 2

Bc I have no life I have watched a lot of drama’s so here’s part 2. Part 1 will be linked HERE . So here’s part 2 reviews and all

1. Doctor Stranger

Rating: N/A

I was recommended this really highly but honestly I couldn’t sit through past 2 episodes. I was so disappointed especially because I love Lee Jong Suk. I definitely won’t even try to watch this again. I really could not get into it at all.

2. Kill Me Heal Me

Rating: 9/10

I WAS HOOKED FROM THE FIRST EPISODE! I highkey fell in love with every single personality and I just can’t! I still talk about this drama all the time! It was so different from any other drama I’ve watched and the acting was absolutely brilliant! The way each personality is portrayed and how everything comes together in the end...If I had emotions I would have cried throughout but because I’m dead inside I only teared which is still a big deal considering how only 3 drama’s have made me cry so far

3. Because This is My First Life

Rating: 9/10

I literally just finished watching this like two seconds ago! IT WAS AMAZING! The side characters and their romance was just as well developed as the main! Soo Ji is a frickin badass and I love her so much! The female relationships as well as the male ones were just brilliant! There was no ‘villain’ in this one like there is in typical dramas which made me happy. This drama will have you crying, laughing and squealing!

4. 49 Days

Rating: N/A

I’m really disappointed. I heard really good things about this drama but I could barely sit through 2 episodes. I was cringing the whole way through. I would really only continue this because of the traveller but right now I can’t. I watched one episode and stopped for two days, having to hype myself up for the second.

5. The K2

Rating: 3/10

Maybe I’m just having really bad luck with drama’s but I couldn’t get through this either. Dont get me wrong, Ji Chang Wook was brilliant and the storyline is interesting too but god damn that female lead is so frickin annoying. I was so bored and done with her by the third episode. I just had to stop halfway through

6. Page Turner

Rating: 8.8/10

So, I binged this in one sitting. I’m not usually one for mini drama’s but after reading some recommendations I saw this one pop up in like 80% of it. BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE! It’s such a relatable and mature drama whiile also making you laugh and tugging on your heartstrings. If i had emotions I would be bawling! I honestly need like 2 days to just savour this before starting on any other drama. It’s amazing and so is the acting and the storyline I AM IN LOVE

7. Marriage Not Dating

Rating: 6/10

This started out really well and had some good development including all of the K Drama Tropes plus a shit load of slaps but kinda lost momentum half way through. It could have ended 3 episodes earlier but they kept dragging it on. I had my fair share of squealing and what not but then I got bored.

8. Fated To Love You

Rating: N/A

Sigh... I really tried to stick it out with this one but I just couldn’t. The first two episodes were so cringy and everytime the dude laughed i seriously wanted to burst my eardrums. The female lead was really good but the storyline and the acting from the first male lead was just so bad I stopped halfway through episode 5. I heard the Taiwanese Drama was better than this one so watch the TDrama instead of this.

9. Hwarang

Rating: 7/10

I’ll be honest, the only reason I started watching this was because of Kim Taehyung aka. V from BTS I know im a terrible human being BUT i stayed for the amazing bromance! I found myself looking forward to the bromance more than anything and anytime something bad happened to the guys I winced and almost teared up. The female lead for this started out really good but then got cliched and slightly annoying but no where near as annoying as the lead for K2 sooo yeah the bromance in this will never be beaten i swear

10. Oh My Ghost

Rating: 6.5/10

It started off well and was incredibly interesting. I did put this off for a bit because i thought it would be scary and I’m honestly a wimp but save for one or two scenes the rest was alright and not scary at all. There is romance and mystery and comedy and one or two cringy scenes but other than that it was wow! The romance kinda overshadowed the mystery which for me was a little annoying but it was cute enough to let pass but it kinda goes at hyper-speed the last 3 episodes.

11. I’m Not A Robot

Rating: 8.9/10

IF I HAD EMOTIONS I WOULD BE AN EMOTIONAL WRECK RIGHT ABOUT NOW! OH LORD THIS DRAMA! okay so the reason it didn’t get a 9 and above is because I was expecting a lot more from the Aji 3 closing story but everything else was absolutely brilliant! The acting, the cute, the sad, the angry, the oh lord i wanna punch something, the squealing was just amazing! I had such high expectations for this drama and IT MET EVERY SINGLE ONE! This definitely goes in my top 10 list i just wished they did a little more for the tying up of the Robot’s storyline

12. Just Between Lovers

Rating: 9/10

OH MY HEART! This drama just proves that I seriously don’t have a tear duct because if I did I would be a sobbing wreck on the floor by now oh my lord where do I start?! So this drama is basically about an accident and how a shopping mall collapsed and it builds up from there with some flashbacks but wow I am so ASGSFKSGKF it made me laugh and almost cry especially the last two episodes oh lord This is deffo in my top 10

13. Cinderella and the Four Knights

Rating: 3/10

God, I really tried to stick this one out because I heard such good things about it but after the 5th episode i just couldn’t. It was so repetitive and boring and just plain. Everytime that OST played I wanted to bang my head in. It’s so mindless.

14. Emergency Couple

Rating: 5.5/10

It started out reallllly bad and i mean like properly bad even Thumping Spike 2 had a better start but I stuck with it and it was a cute drama, funny as well but I think the angst was played out too much.

15. Ask Us Anything/ Knowing Brothers

Rating: 9/10

Okay I know im cheating since this isnt like a drama but ITS SO FUNNY! Honestly the best time pass thing to watch ever! Its basically these 7 guys in a classroom setting just taking the piss out of famous people who come on their show omg i love it! It’s a weekly thing and i think they’re on season 3 or 4 but seriously hilarious

16. The Moon Embracing The Sun

Rating: 8.8/10

First of all MY HEART! Second of all THE CASTING OH MY LORD THE CASTING IS SO ON POINT! If you read my KDrama Rec List 1 you would know that Moon Lovers basically ruined all of the period dramas for me and Hwarang was the first period drama I watched after that but THIS ONE OH MY LORD THIS ONE! THE KIDS WERE AMAZING AND BRILLIANT AND BASICALLY GOT ME ADDICTED TO THIS DRAMA and dare I say it, even more amazing than the adults! Also like Hyung Sun is the real MVP. My heart is both full and broken at the same time. There was tearing but no tears.

17. Eulachacha Waikiki / Laughter in Waikiki

Rating: 9.5/10

THIS SKYROCKETS ALL THE WAY TO MY TOP 5! I was waiting for this to finish so I could watch it and I had high expectations - IT MET EVERY SINGLE ONE! It was hilarious and had me on the floor the whole time! It also had romance and sadness and kinda reminded me of Fight For My Way in the group of friends growing together part. I absolutely loved it and if I didn’t have responsibilities I would have literally finished this in two days! All I’m going to say is - #ProtectDuShik2k18

18. Chicago Typewriter

Rating: 5/10

I was recommended this by literally every single K Drama Rec that I saw but I just couldn’t get into it. After 5 episodes I was still kinda meh about it and was just watching it for the sake of watching it. The storyline of past lives and lovers and the switching of timelines was interesting no doubt but perhaps it just wasn’t for me.

19. Problematic Men

Rating: 8/10

Again, I know Im cheating ‘cause it’s not exactly a drama but more so a variety show but omg it’s so good! I started it because of Namjoon but I stayed for the rest of them! It’s basically these men who are really smart and they try to solve problems and puzzles and test their IQ, which i know sounds really boring but trust me it’s anything but! It’s hilarious and really challenging and like i was so determined to solve it myself as well. The first episode is really meh but i promise it gets so much better!

20. Great Seducer

Rating: 6/10

I’m not going to lie, this started out so well! I absolutely loved the concepts and the characters and the character building but after episode 22 it just got SO REPETITVE and i was so bored. I just watched for the sake of watching and had to hype myself up for the next episodes. Soo Ji and Se Joo are an amazing side cast, way better than the leads if you ask me but it was an alright drama overall. It just wouldn’t be off the top of my head reccomendation if someone asked me what to watch

21. The Liar and His Lover

Rating: 3/10

I think my bad luck streak with KDrama’s has started again. I got 4 episodes in and was already so damn annoyed. The female lead was crying for a good 90% of the whole drama. The male lead was whining and I wanted to punch the both of them. The OST and Chan Young was the only saving grace of this drama, well them and Crude Play. Those people are cuuuute. There kind of is a second lead syndrome but it’s not that bad.

22. The Universe’s Star

Rating: 6/10

I was recommended this by a friend who said it gave off Goblin vibes. It was cute but really cringy. Basically its about this fangirl who died and is now a grim reaper who is ‘protecting’ her favourite idol. The acting was amazing but... the lines were just cringy.

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mrfreezebug · 6 years

Text

Idk I’ve mentioned a few shitty exes in passing before. But I never go into detail. And idk man due to recent events I’m just gonna vent a little bit about a piece of emmett dating history. CW: Bad bad bad relationship things tl;dr tl;dr tl;dr s orry if you’re on mobile

So like YEARS AGO I got technically broken up with 3 times over a three month period which resulted in me being stoned out of my mind for three weeks straight and shit faced when i wasn’t up all up there. I just felt horrible. And through all that... I managed to meet someone who seemed super chill, fun, and nice and junk. And while we were casually seeing each other I got to meet new people and swing with them a lil. It was super therapeutic and they seemed so open minded and like they knew themselves so well... and I was still so lonely that I thought even though I didn’t have feelings yet I admired the FUCK out of them in the moment and thought i could grow to really like them?? We talked about it a lot and they sounded super understanding. Even though they constantly asked if I was ready they kept telling me they wanted "easy” as much as I did... But once I let go of my apprehensions of getting with them officially... It turned out to be a big mistake. SO shit happened and once we became official the person who I was seeing before who ghosted suddenly messaged me bein all “sorry babe” and I was all: “I gotta tell u something” And so I told them I was seeing someone else on accounta how they just ditched me for a month with no response. And they asked me who And I told them And they told me to get the fuck out that they were a trash person. They also guilted me for moving on. “I leave for a week and you’re already on to someone else??” like R U K I D D I N G M E and I thought they were just being a salty jealous piece of bitch so I told them to chill. But they wanted closure and I’m nice so I said ok to meeting up in person. But the person I was seeing currently said they feared for my safety and that I’d cheat on them with that person. (Needless 2say they did not like eachother) And I was just??? “I wouldn’t cheat and what sorta safety concerns r there” And they were all “they’ll rape you or something and I don’t want to date someone who puts themself in the position to be raped” That was a pretty big red flag lmfao.

I should have just told both them to fuck off then but Ive never learned to really just leave anyone like that before. Im way better at it now but before I didn’t want to break ties with the only person who seemed to want to be around me and make me happy at that moment... so I just ignored that gross comment and I just told the other person we couldn’t meet.

But sure enough that weird kinda controlling situation turned into 8months of a hellish relationship where they were just SCREAMING at me for EVERYTHING. Like they literally screamed all the time. There were more times I was being yelled at than not??? Other people often told them to even calm the fuck down in public. It was wild. The screaming bullshit got to the point where THEIR friends came to me to see if I was okay. They’d literally sit me down and ask me if they physically harmed me. Which, they didn’t but there were threats surrounding every time I forgot something or messed something up. Nothing like serious but, honestly? Who for real who says “it makes me want to smack you when you can’t remember basic things.” Thinking back to this rn is so shocking to me. Idk man.

A few times they would get way too into my face and I’d have to physically shove them away because it was too intense. Just yelling. Right in my face. I can’t even remember why they were yelling. They were just always over reacting over something small I did. It all blurred together at some point. I just know I was always either zoned the fuck out or crying. They also would often brag about being able to make people cry also. Like “I can make anyone cry. I know what to say to I get to people the most.” And it’s fucking gross, as well as a common thing I’d run into with other friends n shit. Idk why controlling people always end up with my wimpy ass. BuT ANYWAY I also couldn’t use my computer, go to conventions, or see friends without dealing with their controlling ass. So that was also a bag of shit. My life was fucking MISERABLE Talking to them only got me so far. Like five minutes of potential mutual clarity in any situation before they’d go on a rant about their problems and it’d basically end with me saying sorry with no progress. And I was still so soft spoken then when I tried twice to break up w/them it failed. It makes me want to go back and SHAKE MYSELF like why did I put myself through that for THAT MANY MONTHS??? Another kicker: similar to my experiences with other partners I was coerced into sexual situations probably every other week tops?? By threatening to break up with me, or tell me that I suck as a partner, telling me I make them feel ugly, etc… shits fucking weird like here I was crying like 9/10 times they guilted me for not wanting sex, my face is fucking UGLY and they still wanted it?? SHIT MAN. I cried during sex a lot. It fucks with me to this day. My initial instinct is to be too afraid to say no to sex.

But they actually ended up breaking up with me bc I went to go hang out with a friend and not tell them. It was probably more of a threat to try to control me but I saw that opening and booked it so far away, man I went to Denny’s that night for the first time without worrying about upsetting them for not answering their texts right away. I actually felt BAD that I didn’t care tho?? It was dumb but this thing is still a bit of a problem for me. Even if logically they deserve to feel bad, I feel horrible for hurting anyones feelings. They seemed WAY torn up about the break up. I made some empty promises like an idiot. Telling them I’d see how I felt if they worked on their anger issues and shit. It was so fucked up when I was alone with them I felt so bad for them. I felt like I really hurt them or that I owed them something for the times they were nice to me and paid for my shit and whatnot. I also have trouble staying mad. I always just forgive and wanna move on. So we’d actually meet up with peeps at gay events n what not, I was friends with their friends at this point and I didn’t want to rock the boat with anyone even when they tried getting me back at the most random times. But I’m hella distant from people in general. It gets me into trouble with people I genuinely used to like let alone with people who stress me out lmao So they’d send me paragraphs of friendship break ups and delete me from everything then message me and try to readd me again and then get upset again that I don’t “check in on them” how “I don’t care about anyone but myself” and just all around stress me the fuck out. I just have a hard time checking in on people bc of various reasons. I’m working on my self confidence for it. And I don’t want to make people stay if that bothers them. So I just kinda let them come and go but the constant confrontation is STRESSFUL. It makes it harder to check in on anyone who pulls that shit tbh.

And NOW they’re trying to do it again after a few years and like I feel BAD again and like I should be over everything tbh it was YEARS AGO BUT I REALLY DONT WANT TO CARE ANYMORE. IM KINDA PATHETIC T H E E N D

#i mIGHT delete this #but it's rly nice to just shit this out without actually bothering anyone #emmett chit chats

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