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lgbtlunaverse · 1 month

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This page from the adventurer's bible makes me want to cry

Like basically any neurodivergent dungeon meshi fan, I see a lot of myself in the Touden siblings. But I was blindsided by just how much I suddenly related to Falin in this little comic from the adventure bible's complete version.

It's about the Touden siblings' differing relationships with their parents, and why Laios still holds their treatment of Falin against them, while Falin herself doesn't.

We know that Falin was isolated and ostraziced by their village after she saved Laios from a ghost, displaying her uncanny affinity for magic. Her parents, instead of defending her, sent her away, which angered Laios so much he ran way himself before Falin even left for magic school, hoping to make a living so he and Falin could live together alone.

He tells Marcile this, but when she goes to Falin, she says she sees things differently. Her father sent her to magic school to protect her form the rest of the village without having to cause a conflict. He didn't explain that, and we actually see her burst into tears when he says it.

But, well... Laios was gone for a year before Falin went to magic school, and everyone else in the village avoided her. The understanding Falin has with her parents to me looks like one borne out of necessity, she literally didn't have anyone else to talk to.

And this is where we get to the page that made me want to cry

Like I said, I relate to the Toudens because I'm neurodivergent myself. that feeling of suddenly realizing you're disliked, but not knowing what you did wrong or what you should have done instead? Yeah... that's one I recognize.

When I was around 9 years old, the same age Falin is in this comic, a bunch of kids in my class decided to make a "game" where you lost if you touched me. It was basically the 'cheese-touch' from diary of a wimpy kid, except I always had it and couldn't pass it along. They'd pretend I was poisonous or disgusting and run away from me screaming or gagging. The point was to make fun of me. But my autistic little 9 year old ass thought "Oh I get it! It's tag but I'm always it!" So I... played along. Running at a boy and having him fall on the ground screaming in fake pain because you tapped him is, in isolation, pretty funny.

It wasn't until months into the "game" that I realized it was meant to be meanspirited. That the reason I was the one who was always 'it' wasn't an arbritrary rule but the whole point. Because I was weird and gross. I wasn't in on the joke, I was the punchline.

Falin may have come to understand her parents' intentions, but she didn't always. The adventure bible actually tells us that she at first didn't even notice that the rest of their village disliked her. She clearly knows now, but she had to be told. So when her mom tried to exorcise her, she just saw it as an activity she got to do with a mother she usually didn't get to spend much time with because of her poor health. It's only Laios who notices something is wrong.

(Sidenote, Laios being hyper-aware of people's poor attitudes towards Falin but completely blindsided when he's in the same spot, like with Toshiro, is also very relatable as an eldest sibling)

It probably also took Falin months, until after her brother had left and she had no one but her parents, to realize why her mother had been doing all those things.

And I know they're not the same. Even misguidedly, Falin's mom was trying to help her, not make fun of her like those boys in my class. (Though, as a queer person who also cares a lot about the queercoding in Falin's storyline, a parent trying to 'exorcise' their child of a fundamental part of them the parent thinks is evil or corruptive? yeah... that's not perfectly wholesome)

But do you know what I did, when I finally figured out the game was always meant to make fun of me?

To me, it looked like I had a choice.

See, those boys eventually figured out I didn't understand that they were being mean to me. I'd laugh every time I managed to catch one of them, I was visibly having fun. And while it no doubt only made me more of a weirdo in their eyes, they never informed me that I shouldn't be enjoying myself. That the point was for me to feel hurt.

So now that I did know, I had a choice. I could either get upset, and let the insult land as it was supposed to. That wouldn't stop them, because making fun of me was the original goal. Or I could ignore it and go on as usual. They had already accepted that I didn't get it, and they weren't gona stop me from having fun, so why should I?

And the thing is that I had... one friend, in that whole class. One person who actually liked talking to me and hanging out with me. I was lonely. And the 'game' provided me with another social interaction, mean-spirited as it was, that I desperately needed. And it was so delightfully simple. Navigating actual friendships as a kid with autism and adhd was so fucking complicated, and I'd never know when I might break an inivisble rule. But I knew the rules to the game perfectly!

Sometimes, if I was chasing one of them, the others would trap him and hold him down so I could tap him. In those moments it actually did kind of feel like I was playing with them, rather than against them. And it didn't change much, they didnt start actually liking me. But they were willing to roll with the fact that I wasn't upset, and I took advantage of that because I needed to.

So you can look at Falin seeing the best in her parents as her being naïve, but I look at this page and I see myself, at first unable to differentiate between playing and being made fun of. And then later, when I did see the difference, deciding not to get mad about it because that'd mean losing that social interaction, and I couldn't afford to.

Like I said, Falin probably first realized this in the year she spent with her brother gone, and everyone else avoiding her like the plague. If she refused to talk to her parents, like Laios did, she'd have no one left.

I see a lot of people relating to the fight between Laios and Toshiro. that frustration when you realize someone you thougth was your friend actually hates you, and they never said anything, never gave you a chance to fix it because you had no idea that you were even doing something wrong! And I can see that, too. But sometimes, when people don't fully hate you, it feels better to go along with the pretending. Because adressing it won't fix it. Because the problem isn't a specific behaviour, it's you. And if they're willing to tolerate you, despite the fact that it's you, then you'll take it. Because other people do hate you, so this is the best you'll get.

#dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi meta #falin touden #laios touden #neurodivegent #autism #adhd #long post #this one got REAL personal oops

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 9 months

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WIBTA if I break off an old friendship with someone who stayed by my side despite my mental and general life issues, after everyone else had left?

This friend from high school had been a great friend, kept me company when I was all alone, supported me through two bad breakups, we went to the same college and we were very close.

Until I started talking more openly about politics, being queer, mental health etc. She's the facebook liberal type, slightly left of center. She gave me the freedom to be more open with her by being cool with taboo topics, then turned sour when it extended beyond what she knew. Examples, she'd change subject if I talked about queer media when normally she's telling her friends how she had a sleepover with her "wife" and saw each other naked. She was surprised to learn that you're not supposed to out someone against their will. She believes cops are bad only in USA. We're not Americans.

She started being open with me too, she told me how she hated it when her classmates talked about their favorite music, how she hated any fandom stuff they talked about besides discussing fanfics with another fandom friend, how she makes excuses so she can go wherever she wants alone and not with friends. She told me she spies on my exes on facebook insta etc and tried to tell me what they've been up to and only stopped telling me about after many requests and explanations as to why that made me really uncomfortable.

A few months ago she and I had a fight, she exclaimed that my politics was too American (I'm just an average leftist like most of 30+ tumblr and my other friends), that my politics was too fandom oriented (she avoids fandom so much she has blocked activists for even hinting at being a fandomgoer, like discussion of racism in fandom is waste of time and silly to her, fan-anything can't be taken seriously), mocked me for having childish interests (just knowing pop culture in general) then we stopped talking.

After some months she texted that she really misses talking to me as I was her only "progressive friend" who understood her when she wanted to discuss feminism, movies, world politics etc. She said she needed me to be her gateway to pop culture knowledge as I knew so many cool new things. She begged me to be friends again, and since I missed hanging out with her a lot I started chatting again. But I told her that it was hard for me to forgive her and I'd leave for real if she hurts me again.

This time she let go of the normal daily stuff we used to talk about and only stuck to Topics of Debate. She asked me to teach her progressive thinking, educate her, but when I asked if she wanted to touch on lgbt+ topics or physical -mental health related topics outside of her comfort zone of basic sexual health, she danced around a lot instead of giving an answer. I snapped and asked yes or no, she said no.

I asked her if she understands that even if she didn't feel like those topics were her priority, I'd probably want to talk about them with her as a queer neurodivergent person and friend, would that be an issue? She kind of ignored it to say that basically her priority was just local political gossip, religion, and a little bit of solarpunk stuff, outdated at that. I was disappointed but let it go and we decided to talk later.

The other day she messaged me with her usual gossip about how her friends are being too excited about some music stuff and what book she thinks I should read (we have completely different taste). And I got a panic attack. Since then I've had multiple panic attacks at the thought of having to talk to her.

She has been one of my oldest friends, she supported me and took my side in every breakup I had and she forced me to go outside when I was severely depressed, she was practically family, but now I feel like I'm walking on eggshells. If I bring up any topic she dislikes she's going to turn away, if I come out to her as trans she'll joke and start to avoid me, she doesn't want to learn anything new even though she takes pride in being a great learner, if I talk about things that make me happy she'll ignore it. I don't know if she'll go and tell others how cringey my interests are. Maybe she'll go to my exes and tell them I used her as support and threw her away when she didn't meet the standard as that's been a line of thinking among my exes.

I'm also struggling with BPD and anxiety, so maybe I'm hating her now and will want her back later, it's my brain being a jerk? I think I'm overreacting and she won't do any of these, but I also feel so drained after we talk these days. I need friends who I can talk to about mundane things, friends who share memes with me and tell me what anime they're passionate about, what new recipe they liked, instead I feel like I'm just there to drag her down with my issues and politics and dumb jokes. But multiple people think I used and discarded them for not agreeing politically, I'd usually disagree but what if I am the problem and I expect too much?

So I'm asking, am I being a jerk if I cut her off?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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fa-dubu · 5 months

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nightmare at green lake spoilers

it seems that identity is a theme for the event, how one perceives themself vs how one is perceived by others and some post-event thots

Blonney: has spent most of her pre-teen - present day trying to shed her arcanist side. the way she dresses, the topics and things she allows herself to seem interested in, and the people she chooses to surround herself with are all what 'normal people' her age 'should' be into. (like a metaphor for neurodivergency, comphet, or both) her denial is ultimately futile as she's still treated differently by her human peers and the audience can see that she still holds deep love for cheesy slasher movies. when she accepts her arcanist side, she reawakens her previously missing arcanum ability, but interesting enough, outside of Jessica, she's still going by 'Blonney' rather than 'Jennifer.' i figured with reclaiming her arcanist identity she'd go back to using her real name vs the name she goes by when she was trying to be as 'human' as possible. but it makes sense that you can't undo years of self-doubt with one life-changing event.

speaking of Jessica, her identity is based off of Jennifer's Best GirlTM - i'm only partially joking too. i'm not too sure if Jessica's ("see you later"/"but she's never actually 'seen' me) line meant Jennifer was 1) reading her stories to Jessica while Jessica was disguised as a deer or 2) reading her stories to the lake and speaking to her oc 'Jessica' and our Jessica was hiding and listening in. either way, our Jessica named herself after the heroine in Jennifer's story, salvaged Jennifer's storybook/diary from the bottom of the lake, then spent the next 10+ years using her arcanum ability (and leftover Zeno tech) to bring Jennifer's stories to life. Jessica was trying to be who she thought Jennifer wanted in her heroines: kind, gentle and sweet, with a hidden badass side (parrying the butcher's machete with a branch and then killing him with his own machete - just a tad bit overpowered jessica). outside of the shipping, i think part of why Jessica latched onto Jennifer so hard was that the 'Jessica' identity was the first one (unknowingly) given to her that she liked and welcomed vs other people seeing her and immediately calling her a freak. it takes Vertin for Jessica to see she could be more than 'Jessica the Last Girl' and 'Jessica the Monster'. i'm a little nervous about her getting recruited by the Foundation, esp with Madam Z's line about her arcanum ability being helpful for experiments, but if that means there's chances for her to show up in later patches or events...

(i'm assuming she was originally a regular critter living in the Green Lake area that Zeno experimented on? or maybe she was a regular deer they crossed with a critter to create a changeling? idk, her origins are ambiguous. the only thing we know for sure is that she was part of Zeno's experiments in the 60s-70s at the Green Lake base where they cultivated her arcanum ability as well as her ability to command lower-level critters. and when Zeno couldn't keep the experiments under wraps because too many critters escaped and damaged the nearby human town, they scrambled to dissemble the base and move to another site with Z's help. Jessica was left behind during the kerfuffle. then she spent years alone and misunderstood. man, her puppet play hit me hard)

i thought Z and Tooth Fairy's conversation at the end was p funny: neither of them really knew the 'truth' and were going off assumptions. Z believed the 'Tooth Fairy's brother lost all his teeth because he was cursed by tooth fairies as revenge for Tooth Fairy eating their brethren' story instead of the more boring truth: Tooth Fairy's brother had a congenital disease that caused tooth-loss. Tooth Fairy believed the 'Zeno Youth Force trapped in a nightmare horror and came back changed and violent' story Horropedia was peddling (which, i argue that she only partly believed because she'd get a shitton of loose teeth if the story were true and the thought of free teeth was too exciting to dig deeper into the story) instead of the aforementioned Zeno base shutdown.

it took me until the end of the damn event for me to realize what the 3 guy actors were referring to 😩

overall, i really enjoyed the event! even horropedia who was i expecting to annoy me as much as diggers did. i liked all the character interactions: Blonney and Horropedia play off each other well, of course Blonney and Jessica's cute moments. i wish there were more Tooth Fairy and Jessica interactions; i feel like the two could really relate to each other because of how misunderstood they are, but i'm pretty satisfied with Tooth Fairy asking Z if she could visit Jessica at the Foundation.

finally, blonney please come home soon bc i need to save for your deer gf OTL

#reverse 1999 #reverse 1999 spoilers #i went through the event so much faster than rimet cup lol

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rosesradio · 2 months

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Leo Valdez in Ceaseless Eve: Let's Discuss

⚠️ The following contains spoilers for any & all of Ceaseless Eve ⚠️

How can I begin to talk about my boy??

To start, I should probably give some context or lore about me:

I started reading the books when I was nine. I was sick in bed one day, and my dad wanted to read me something to make me feel better. "It's just like Harry Potter!" he'd said, holding up a copy of The Lightening Theif. (My ill feelings towards the wizard books now, I had inhaled the series when I was eight and read nothing else. Thank goodness I expanded my horizons, right?).

So, he started to read Percy Jackson while I laid in bed...

And I hated it, lol.

What can I say? I was a brat. Or maybe I just wanted to be left alone with my stomachahce or fever or whatever I was sick with. So, one chapter in, my dad gave up and left me alone.

When I felt better, I picked the book back up...and I went through the entire first series in a week. Even now, my dad jokes that I just had a problem with him reading them, not the book itself. (And yes, we watched the show together, he enjoyed it--I'm still badgering him to read the books himself though...maybe I should read it to him when he gets sick...)

So, I got into pjo. The details are a little fuzzy on when exactly I read the sequel series, though I believe it was sometime in middle school. All I know was that the moment I first read about Leo...I had the biggest fictional crush on him, lmao. I remember a time in 2016 where 13 year old me would watch Viria's "How Far We've Come" video and I'd write Leo x readers in the notes app of my iPod touch (unfortunately, those fics have all been deleted, otherwise I would not hesitate to share that horror with the world. But rest assured, the reader was very much Not Like Other Girls lol).

I'm not sure when exactly valdangelo first became an interest to me or where I found it, but I remember reading the books and feeling like we were robbed of those two interacting. They were always something in the back of my mind, though I was always working on other projects and had no idea where to start in the event that I did write something for them.

Until the hype for the show was starting, and I thought that it would be cool to explore a bit of an AU quest between Leo, Nico, and Piper. I thought about the one-off line about how a "confused pizza guy" had found his way to Camp Half-Blood once and ran with that. Also, ever since I started working, I give my favorite character my job if applicable. At the time of writing, I was a food delievery person, so that's why I went with that. The fic was really a character study of Leo more than anything, so I really appreciate all of the people saying I got Leo's voice right :')

So, there are a couple big changes that were made with Leo's character in the ceaselessverse that differentiate the character from canon:

1.) Leo doesn't make mean jokes about his questmates.

This is a change that I actually regret making, and I might toy with a sort of compromise in the sequel. At first, people who were anti-leo made comments on how rude he could be, and I saw that as something that needed to be "fixed" in CE.

However, now that I think about it as a neurodivergent person...I can't help but wonder if that is connected to him being neurodivergent? Like with me, especially as a teen, I was anxious in social situations and often didn't know what to say, so I would make jokes, and a lot of them didn't land. Sure, I shouldn't have made those jokes, and Leo shouldn't have made the jokes he did, but the neurodivergent nature of it all as well as him being an awkward teen sort of explains that, it doesn't excuse it. I think the rise of purity culture and the lack of desire for nuanced characters has (pardon my lack of professionalism) fucked up the vibe. Like a lot. I think it's fine (great, even!) for a character you like to have flaws, especially if they stem from an aspect that makes them more relatable. If you want neurodivergent characters but hate them for exhibiting traits that are frowned upon, well...you might just want neurotypical characters with quirks and labels.

2.) Leo isn't a "ladies man"

I don't regret this change at all. That shit was weird, Richard.

That being said, I think it was fine to have a character who has romance on the brain and is flirtatous. Hell, it's even fine to have a character that's weird towards women and tries to "jokingly" sneak a peak at a female character changing (sorry if you were trying to repress page 114 of mark of athena)--that's just fiction, but you can't expect us to root for that character (especially in their goal of getting a girlfriend).

So, while Leo is observant of the girls around him and thinks they're cute, I think this was a change that was adjusted to age better, yk?

3.) Leo was (accidentally) responsible for his mother's death (sorry, Esperanza)

This was the first change made to accomodate the lack of Gaea.

Of course, you'll notice how most all of the character's (outside of those from the og series) backstories were altered to accomodate that, but this was something I was particularly interested in exploring. I'm not going to pretend to be a better writer than our buddy Richard (though I think some of his decisions were really weird...and he'd probably think the same thing about me, tbh), but I think it was a bit of a copout to have Leo think he killed his mom only for it to be Gaea's fault, so he's, like, "redeemed". I wanted to explore a route where Leo was responsible, even by accident, and what that would mean for his greif and healing process. I hope that was explored thoughtfully to you guys in CE.

4.) Leo was a bully to escape bullying

This one was a little controversial lol, but I think it's more interesting.

I can see where it'd make sense in canon to have Leo use his comedy to escape bullying--he does a bit of the same thing in the ceaselessverse, though I believe it works too well. Leo is welcomed into becoming almost like friends with his bullies, though there is clearly a power dynamic at work. I have had "friendships" like this in middle/high school, and I thought it would be interesting to show how lonliness can lead you to make stupid decisions in order to feel, at least a little bit, like you belong somewhere.

This is, of course, stopped as Leo became closer with his sister, Sarah. He finds that caring for someone outside of his own survival starts to make him feel like a person again, and he wants to become better for her sake. It's really sweet to me and highlights yet another great type of platonic relationship dynamic to be explored, but more on Sarah later.

---

Of course, there are several other little changes made to Leo's character for a variety of reasons--if you notice any and had any particular feelings about them (hopefully positive, but it's up to you), please let me know by sending a letter via carrier pigeon directly to my house (or by, like, commenting on ao3, tumblr, or whatever etc if you're weird like that).

what was i saying. anyways.

I could talk about Leo's character all day--about how his arc of controlling his abilities instead of fearing them mirrors Piper's, about how his sexuality is (and probably will) never be stated directly in the text, so it's up to reader interpretation (he's vaguely bi but mostly queer To Me but also idc). If you ever wanna hear more of my thoughts on him with any specifics, feel free to send an ask! Or Whatever !

A favorite tool in Leo's toolbelt: The Dormio

Leo has a lot of cool little knick-knacks, some canon and some not. His wristwatch with the hidden message was a strong contender, but ultimately the Dormio wins for sure. What can I say? I would love to see dreams--maybe not my own (Hypnos plagues me with stress dreams :') ), but other people's.

The Dormio was originally called the DreamViewer, which was kind of a placeholder name because, frankly, it's dumb as shit. I have to credit @heavens-vault for coming up with the new name, thank you <3 The name is based on a dream interfacing system by MIT.

(Did some of the editing get lost in the sauce, and the device is still called the DreamViewer sometimes? Maybe. No further questions without my lawyer lol. I plan on doing a mass edit some time in the future. Save me mass edit, mass edit save me, etc)

All that to say, the Dormio is not a one-off. We'll just have to wait and see what role it plays in Ivory Rain...

Bonus Character!

Sarah McAllen: Let's Discuss

So, my first pjo OC...

Sarah is first foreshadowed in chapter five, when Leo and Piper are discussing the quest at Nico's cabin door:

"Us?" now it was Piper's turn to look confused. "You mean...you understood that line in the prophecy, the 'daughter of doves' thing?"

"Sure I did!" Leo replied, feeling his heart skip a beat, his smile a tad nervous. "There's more to me than good looks, Beauty Queen." Hopefully, that settled Piper for now. Sure, that orientation video was not very informative, but he didn't have to explain to everyone why he knew these things about Greek mythology.

After reading through chapter nine, it should become clear that Leo has a little bit of background knowledge on Greek Mythology due to Sarah's loud interest in Mythomagic. Although their background has been covered in the text, I thought I'd mention a couple things about her.

I realized kinda late in her development that I actually did the same thing in an older longfic for a different fandom I wrote when I was 15--giving the main character a younger sister, motivating him to be better and take care of her. I'm not sure if there's any psychology behind me wanting to write my faves as older brothers, but it's interesting!

I did give Sarah a couple things in common with me, even if she's not a self-insert. She's a writer, one of the reasons she falls into the Apollo cabin. She also has what Nico describes in chapter 18 as a "medical brace" on her knee. This will be further addressed in the sequel, but I gave her the same disablity that I have with my knee. I don't want to delve too deep into the medicality (medicality?) of it all just for my comfort, but I wanted to show a chracter that has a disability but can also be a hero, like they did in the tv show. I hope you guys read that and it made you happy :-)

I will say that Sarah is not going to be too much of a major player in the sequel, I don't want to put my OCs too much into the spotlight when I already have a lot of canon characters I want to work with. Still, she will always be really important to Leo, and their relationship will always be really important to me.

Also! To tell you a secret...she will not be the only OC in the ceaselessverse, but I guess you will have to wait and see what I mean in Ivory Rain...

#leo valdez #valdangelo #pjo #CE DVD bonus features

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if-you-like-pina-colada-s · 1 year

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YO HEY ✨AGAIN✨ BROSKI CAN U SHARE WHO UR HETALIA KINS ARE AND WHY U KIN THEM? I'LL EXPLAIN WHO MINE ARE AND WHY I KIN THEM IN RETURN

ANSKXLKSNSNC HI BESTIE!! YESS ABSOLUTELY!!!

Ok ok, I have 3 Hetalia kins, so:

First we have the one and only Mr. United States of America. Honestly the main reason I kin him, I think, is because I AM American and I swear everytime he does something so painfully American I'm like "damn, lowkey I would've done that too" (my favorite foods are hamburgers I mean cmon). Now I wouldn't say I'm as boisterous as him but I am overly friendly and I love making new friends so I am pretty extroverted! I think we'd have a lot of fun together in real life, we'd share the same level of enthusiasm about the things we like. We'd ramble on and on about things like science and movies and where the best place to get good artisan burgers is at.

Next, we have Mr. Italy (North Italy to be specific). He is very creative and artsy, and so am I!! I adored that part in season 7 where he tried to explain how to make art to England and failed miserably. That's me. He's very bubbly and happy-go-lucky just like me. I bet my ass he's the art kid who gets asked to "draw me next!" To which he just rolls his eyes in response. I also think he's incredibly unhinged and would say the most fucked up shit at random moments and then finish his sentence as if that's completely normal.

Last but not least, Mr. China!! Yall should know, I am a big sister and also the oldest grandchild in the family. So I very much feel like I share the same "eldest sibling" energy with him. He's the responsible older bro who tries to look out for his younger siblings, but isn't exactly the... best sibling all the time. Not exactly parent material, he's just quite literally older brother material. Also, even though he carries a mature, responsible manner, he's still incredibly unhinged at times. He's one of the few characters with actual braincells but he'd still be totally down to commit arson! Its also said he's a huge fan of cute stuff (such as Hello Kitty) and me too!

And of course there's the things the three of 'em have in common:

I feel like all three of them are just silly goofy guys who laugh and joke about the most fucked up shit ever. They're just ever so slightly unhinged.

I also think they're very booksmart, but can't read the room for shit like me.

They're all quite egotistical, while also extremely insecure.

Not to dump my insecurities on yall but... lowkey I suspect these guys have like, MAJOR abandonment issues. They tend to keep their friends and family in a sort of choke hold. It doesn't look like they particularly enjoy being alone or left out. And REALLY take issue with people leaving them.

Again... not to dump things on yall... but they seem a little... idk, maybe a bit adhd to me? Maybe I'm just projecting onto them since I suspect this of myself. (I'm no expert and have never been diagnosed for any sort of neurodivergency. So this is all a "hmm I wonder?" sort of a speculation).

Anyway, they're just so silly goofy.

#hetalia #hws #hws america #aph america #hws china #aph china #hws italy #aph italy #ask #my hetalia kin list #i project onto them so bad #we are on the same wave length #sorry this is a really long post

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thegoblinboy · 2 years

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regarding your eddie headcanons: YES! I'm also convinced he's neurodivergent and fails his classes not bc he's dumb or uninterested but bc he has trouble focusing.

And what you said about him being a cuddly person... I can totally see that, but I also get the feeling that he hasn't got a lot of people he's physically close with. So he's probably really touch starved and holds himself when he's upset :(

Lastly, I also think he probably has abandonment issues. We don't know what happened with his parents yet, but I'm sure whatever it was left its scars.

This is definitely how I’ve been picturing the other, and I can’t help but gush about how I know Steve would be there to help the other out. Like he’s clearly a dumbass and not completely piecing together what the other needed but he’s just there with the other. That and also the kids, seem to even take a more of a liking to to him)

At first the group used to talk or Joke about how Eddie clearly wasn’t graduating anytime soon. Steve never said much about it but he was secretly hoping the other boy would making it through this year so that the two of them could be in the same yearbook. One last time. Though it hasn’t looked promising when he switches his classes and ends up in a few of Eddie’s.

The boy seemed to be like a energy ball that couldn’t be contained. Something on him was constantly bouncing, one of his hands was constantly messing with something, and his eyes were there but it didn’t seem like he was really processing what was going on. At first Steve figured it might be because the other boy was still in shock about everything. But that didn’t seem to be the issue as Eddie snapped out of it when Steve sat down next to him and gave him the hugest grin there is.

“Oh look at this! What have I done to deserve your time and lovely throne near me- King Steve.” He teases with a smirk. Watching the other very carefully as Steve raises a eyebrow. His eyes going down to the others black nails, which if he was honest- was totally badass.

“It was the last seat Munson.” Steve snorts a little before adding, “That and you looked like what a earthquake would be like in human form, kind of hard not to catch someone’s attention when you’re moving all around.” He says amused as he looks down at the paper he was handed. The thing was he wasn’t being mean about it. Though Eddie truthfully couldn’t tell and was about to say something as the Teacher announced partners. Of course he was with Steve.

Steve looks down at the paper reading it in one go as he pulls his desk closer to the other so they could talk more in private. When he finishes he can tell that Eddies attempting to read the paper but it seemed like the amount of chatter going on seemed to be distracting him. Steve hadn’t seen anything like this is anyone before so he was really curious. He gives the boy a minute before moving his hand patting the others arm.

“Here I can read it for you if you want?” Steve offers calmly looking at the other to see if it was okay. Eddie had this frustrated look on his face but just grumbles a little bit about how he hoped that this was going to be his year.

Steve lets the other be for a second before he starts reading off the others paper word for word. Eddie moving to give him all of his attention not wanting to admit that the others voice was smooth and not to rough that it hurt his ears or overwhelmed him like the teachers or everyone else’s.

And that’s how it starts, by times the end of the class is over Eddie feels proud for getting something done and hands it in to the teacher who looks shocked his writing was eligible let alone even on the paper. “Good job Munson, whatever you did this period you should start doing that with more of your classes.” The teacher says as Eddie blushes a bit. He was sort of upset about this comment but pushes himself out of the class before he ripped her head off.

Oblivious Steve was unaware of how upset the other was as he runs up to Eddie after a second holding the homework l. “Hey, do you want to work on the homework with me later?” He asks curious.

“Steve, don’t patronize me. I’m not some stupid charity case that needs help with school.” Eddie snaps as Steve raises his hands up defensively noticing how close they were. He has always noticed how the other was never aware of personal space. Not that he minded, he would take that over being beat up.

“Um- what are you on about Eddie? I thought we could get the homework done after school while we wait for the Dustin and the other kids to get done with detention. Unless you canceled your DND session- but either way I really need your help on question five. I don’t know what half the words mean and you’re a geek of sorts.” Steve rambles out as he wasn’t sure what the other wanted.

Eddie makes a oh face as he realizes the other was babying him like some people had tried doing in the past. Majority of them were girls though that thought they could ‘change’ his freak ways.

“I- oh yeah we can do that.” Eddie says softly acting a lot less defensive then before as Steve gives him a smile.

“Ok, we’ll then see you after school.” Steve says with a friendly smile leaving the other shocked behind him. No matter how much time passes Eddie’s sure he’s never going to get used to the fact that Asshole King Steve is one of the nicest people he’s ever met.

True to his words, and five minutes late Steve finally meets Eddie in the DnD room. Eddie was already upset because his anxiety started to kick up when the crowded hallways got worse during last period. Unlike others, everyone was racing to leave. So he just kept his arms wrapped around himself as he sits looking at the DND map. His homework was already out and on the table but he has barely even read anything. All the words were blurring together and his brain couldn’t function.

Steve’s entering the room, and apparently it had started to storm out as a loud clash of thunder hit right as the door closes shut and Steve’s jumping accidentally dropping his stuff his go to reaction to cover his ears. Breathing a little heavy as he disappears for a second but comes back to reality as he looks startled when he sees Eddie’s concerned look.

Quickly picking up his bag he scurry’s over sitting down shaking a little bit. As he focuses on catching his breath. After everything with the Russians, he’s noticed that he’s more sensitive to things. For one, he got hit in the head way to many times to count that his ears were starting to get effected by it. Everything coming in louder then what it’s supposed too. That and he’s always been nervous around thunder. When he was younger it had reminded him of his Father who yelled very loud when he was pissed.

Eddie raises a eyebrow, “you cool Harrington?” He asks. Unlike the other he had found that storms and the rain were very calming for him. Though to be fair he listens to metal music to fall asleep. That should already show how different the two are. He was no longer hugging himself and honestly he didn’t think he recognized the Steve in front of him.

He had grown used to the fearless Steve who stood tall and fought everything to protect everyone with out hesitation. He went swimming in the middle of the fucking lake risking his life for gods sake. This honestly took Eddie by surprise the other didn’t like thunder. He figured the other would enjoy storms, but his hunch was wrong.

“Yeah- just um. Yeah?” Steve stutters awkwardly really unsure what to say embarrassed that he was being seen like this. Eddie catches the hint and drops it before seeing the other jump out of his skin when another boom hits.

Eddie can’t help but feel responsible for this scarred puppy like boy. Huffing to himself because he knew he was going to regret it he moves dragging Steve and his chair closer to him. There was barely any room between them now and Steve wasn’t really focused on that. More of the loud noises coming from outside.

“Ok, Harrington.” Eddie starts trying to distract the other but the other was off in la la land again. Eddie understood, he had been doing the same on and off sense everything went down. Though he never thought he would see Steve have the same problem. He had seemed so used to it and now Eddie recognized how the other bullshitted. To be fair Eddie does the same.

Eddie sighs figuring the homework is going to be forgotten as he moves and pulls the shaking boy over manhandling him to his lap. He can’t help but laugh a little, “Welcome to my throne King Steve. If I ever see you sitting in my seat ever again I’ll kill you.” He jokes as he hears Steve snapping back to reality looking confused.

“Why the hell am I in your lap?” Steve asks blushing trying to get out. He knew how bad he was when he starteed to cuddle someone in anyway. He got attached and then really weird. Sure he didn’t really mind Eddie, but he didn’t think he was close enough to him to throw away all of the stereotypical guy rules.

“You were shaking and not responding so I snatched you.” Eddie shrugs as one of his ringed filled hands holds the others hip looking at the other amused. He enjoyed making Steve flustered it was a funny thing to watch. Though it’s forgotten as Steve jumps again shaking worse as he covers his ears. The thunder was to loud for him. Eddie bites his lip as he pulls off his leather coat and wraps it around the other to help make him feel secure as he pulls him to his chest. Squeezing his arms around the other.

“Eddie, you really don’t know personal space do you?” Steve teases as Eddie chuckles.

“Nope. Though to be fair you look like you’re on the verge of a panic attack and I know being coddled pretty much helps me calm down.” Eddie shrugs trying to act like this was no big deal. In a way he still didn’t understand some of the society norms or social cues.

Steve jumps once more as he’s pretty much forcing himself further into the others chest. He was also very exhausted. He had problems sleeping to begin with and he knew he was going to fall asleep on this guy who’s probably going to go around school telling everyone Steve Harrington’s the hugest gay out there.

Staying bundled up Steve finds his face buried in the others shoulder and hair as he falls asleep gripping onto the others leather jacket around him for dear life.

Ok so this isn’t my favorite I’m running off from no sleep but majority of the ideas here make sense to me though I can’t picture Eddie forcing Steve to cuddle with him to calm his anxiety down. But you know what who cares right now I don’t 😭 but honestly out of Steve and Eddie I feel like Steve would have the worst abandonment issues. (Like Dustin leaving for camp was probably the worst thing he could’ve thought of in season three) though I do plan on writing more. I’m better at writing small fanfictions not one shots so I’m still getting my strength up with that lol. Plus I feel like all of these ideas about Eddie I’m going to use in a fanfiction when I come up with a plot lol

#steveharrington #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie stranger things #steve x eddie #eddie munson #bxb #steddie #steveddie

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beverlychills · 1 year

Text

Introductory Post

PLEASE at least skim through the tags. Navigating this autism castle I've built may get difficult if you don't.

Also see below: Guide for takedown requests

Hi there, call me Taffy! (Any pronouns)

I'm a neurodivergent fella obsessed with Lethal League. I'm also obsessed with archiving things, and I have a dedicated personal server where I collect all the LLB fanart I can.

For a while I've been wanting to give other people easy access to all this old and new content, but I don't want to invite people to the server, and booru-making is closed right now, so this—an account made to reblog every LLB post I can find—is the next best option.

For now I run this account alone, and my archiving only encompasses things on tumblr, this may change later but I can't say for sure.

I plan to keep this archive going as long as possible.

IMPORTANT STUFF FIRST!

Despite my wants to preserve everything Lethal League, there are some artists I refuse to archive due to personal convictions, or being personally asked not to archive their work.

The amount of these people is presently in the single digits, and probably won't impact the rest of the blog much.

If you want a particular post(s) taken down, or would like to be blacklisted, please DM me. Please note you may have to prove your identity to do this, in whatever way you can (so long as it does not compromise your safety or super-personal information).

If you have a Lethal League post to contribute that I haven't found yet, send me the link. Even things from deactivated accounts can still be preserved if someone else reblogged them. Or I guess if you have a screenshot.

If there's something down the list you don't wanna see, just filter the tag

Warnings: #suggestive Including but not limited to - Discussion of NSFW, off-camera lovemaking, skimpy clothing or poses... whatever you older internet denizens might call "sin." NSFW jokes are judged on a case-by-case basis Overly graphic stuff, minor x adult, or straight up p0rn if there's any left, will not be included in the archive for obvious reasons #thirstposting Any rare case of people getting a bit too excited over a given LLB character. If hypothetically seeing people talk about how much they want to bone their favorite dapper googly eyed fuck wouldn't be your jam, you might wanna filter out this tag. #nudity Tasteful nudity. Think the Statue of David. #blood For when insides become outsides, but it's not straight up gutspill. #feels Because some of us don't wanna deal with angst. #emeto Vom. #eyestrain Ouchie ow oof bright colors. ^ #aberration Chromatic aberration #gore #bugs #death #eye contact #dereality #drugs #weed #body horror #loud #flashing

Please note; Despite my headcanons, character interactions will be judged through the LLB story at face value. This means ships involving Switch will not be counted as minor x adult, because he is a robot, 5 is only how long he's been manufactured, and his mental age is not entirely clear (beyond him obviously not having the mind of a toddler). This also means things like Raptor x Switch will still be archived, since although some headcanon them to be found brothers, this is not canonically confirmed.

Content type: #art Including but not limited to - Drawings, physical crafts, music, etc. #fanfic Fanfiction, whether linked offsite or posted directly to tumblr. #animation Encompasses gifs, animatics, animation memes, PMVs, the works. #modding Stuff like retexturing, 3D model editing, or even Mung Daal in Room 21 #gameplay #shitpost #textpost #cosplay

Characters: #raptor #switch #candyman #dice #jet #doombox #grid #nitro #latch #sonata #dust #ashes #toxic #dummy #mc inferno #safety league

Unlockables: #ballhead #strait jacket #zoot suit #l.2 full mecha #domino #dynamic #detective nitro #jumper cabler #safety weapon #chain engine #iron grip

DLC: #galileo #firefighter max pressure #volt (Neopolis Devastator) #ivory puppet killer #insectoid loneriding mechranger #stereo overdrive #shining gold winner #gigahertz visualizer x #nuclear nourishment #late stage illmatic #heavyduty r evolution #master of the mountain

Fandom culture: #headcanon #theory #review #ship #ship neg #oc x canon #oc #au #askblog #humanized #crossover #fusion

Archived posts will not be tagged as #ship unless the OP states so, or it is very explicitly intended to be ship art—flirting and kissing and stuff. Ships will be tagged as the involved characters' names in alphabetical order, in lieu of affectionate shipnames. This is to avoid creating extra things for you poor soul to memorize. Also, negative content about any given ship will have "neg" tacked onto the end. ❌ #candylatch ✅ #candyman x latch 🔘 #candyman x latch neg

For OCs, search their name, and for specific artists, search their blog url. ie: #cue #klayfruit Furthermore, fanon interpretations of LLB characters may be tagged like this: #henry #candyman

OC x canon shipnames will not be tagged, despite how few there are in retrospect, because I think doing that would drive me nuts.

If two OCs happen to have the same name, the name will be followed up with the creator's username depending on which OC is being referred to. This also applies if an OC name overlaps with a warning tag;

#ember sampleusername - #ember gridsbignaturals #bugs sampleusername

Other: #official Involving a Team Reptile account or one of its developers. Including but not limited to: Dev logs, headcanons from individual team members, outdated lore, threads involving them on other websites, etc. #tim #dion #yinyin #andy #kittomatic #sem

#merch Official merchandise designs and such #deactivated OP's blog is hacked or deactivated. If the URL was changed, the old URL may be tagged; for the sake of preserving the era it was posted, and so people can more easily find things if they know an old username but not the new one. #[year] Year something was posted. ie: #2015 #mod taffy

Posts with captions like "not tagging this" or things that seem personal will probably not be archived unless the OP says it's okay

#mod taffy

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tinypurplewizardfan · 2 years

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Hearing Teemo call Veigar short for Yordle is probably the most daring thing to do, I wonder what kind of relationship these two have and if maybe Teemo already says these jokes to Veigar often because he doesn't seem annoyed, their interactions are ambiguous anyway

Ahh!! I'm so sorry anon, this ask got lost in the depths of my inbox for some reason. I managed to find it again though!

I always took Teemo's "aww, only for a yordle!" and "what was that?" as being pretty demeaning in Veigar's direction. Teemo basically isn't taking him seriously, which is basically pushing Veigar's number one button.

I always thought it interesting that Teemo is kind of the inverse to Veigar- Teemo portrays himself as innocent and cute so that foes underestimate him, whereas Veigar tries very hard to get himself taken seriously from the get-go. But despite the difference in strategies, both are very effective at killing people and getting the job done.

I also feel like they're similar in another way regarding their relationship with the rest of Bandle City. Bandle City is all happy sunshine and rainbows, where everybody's best friends and nobody ever has to do anything alone. . . but that doesn't leave any room for yordles like Teemo and Veigar, who sometimes prefer to be alone. Teemo's two paragraphs of lore state that other yordles even feel something "off" about him and find it scary how he prefers to go on missions alone. I can't help but feel that this isn't because Teemo's secretly some sort of psychopath, but simply because he's an introvert in a culture where everybody's expected to engage in as much social activity as possible.

Perhaps Teemo's overly bright and chipper exterior is just a façade he plays to in order to fit in with the culture he was raised in. This is the opposite of how Veigar reacted, which was to become cartoonishly evil in part as a rejection of Bandle's happy-go-lucky attitude. Them, along with Vex, are the yordles who kind of got "left behind" by Bandle's insistence on intense socializing and forbiddance of negative emotions.

I guess I think way to much about how Bandle City's "perfect" culture could leave some yordles behind because that was highlighted in Vex's short story, along with the fact that I am neurodivergent and the idea living in a town where everybody has to be hanging out and smiling 100% of the time sounds like sensory hell.

So! To actually answer your question- I definitely don't think the two are friends. Far from it, actually, given Teemo's tendency to demean Veigar and not take him seriously. Despite this, I still think Veigar has a modicum of respect or at least understanding for Teemo's position. I imagine it's kind of like the trope "we're the same, you and I"- Veigar might try and tempt him to the dark side. Whether Teemo would actually consider this proposition or reject it outright is entirely up to your interpretation of him.

#veigar #teemo #legends of runeterra #league of legends #original content #fascinating stuff!! I really enjoyed writing this. I don't get to think about Teemo very often #I would like to again apologize for the delay- I just found this at the bottom of my inbox #I promise I don't have anything against Bandle city or the rest of the yordles lol #I just like to think about it in ways that break down the 'happy perfect spirit land' that the lore presents #'disability and neurodivergence are defined entirely by the context of the culture they arise in' is a favorite thought experiment of mine

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teenagebeautyqueen · 4 years

Text

[Image description: a young person holds a mobile phone with a blue case and a paper on the other. the paper has a drawing of an umbrella colored with the trans pride flag. we can only see their upper body. they are looking down and to the left of the image. they're smiling without showing their teeth, and look relaxed. they're wearing a black, loose hoodie and some shorts can be seen at the bottom of the picture. they're also using black nail polish. on the background there is a door and a star wars poster. the other image is a close up of the paper. end ID]

🌈ʜᴇ/ᴛʜᴇʏ🌈

happy trans day of visability to all my fellow trans*!! here is me and my project for peace's day... i personally love it. it's on spanish, but i'll translate it for y'all.

the text on the left says "cada persona que conoces está luchando una batalla de la que no sabes nada. sé amable. siempre", which is the translation of that quote that goes like "every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always".

the one on the right says "¿qué sentido hay en pelear? ¿por qué insistimos en sabotearnos mutuamente? Todos caminamos por el mismo sendero embarrado, todos nos dirigimos al mismo final." its translation is something like "what's the point on fighting? why do we insist on sabotage each other? we all walk the same muddy path, we are all headed for the same end."

and above the umbrella there's words like "odio", "acoso", "ignorancia" & "discriminación", which mean "hatred", "harassment", "ignorance", and "discrimination".

yeah i'm very subtle.

i've decided to share my story with the world. but i got kinda carried away. it's not s fairy tale, so don't read it if you're sensitive to themes like bullying, mental health issues, and toxic people.

——————————————————————

it's been... one ride of a journey, to say the least. i've said a few times that i started to question my gender around summer. but that's not quite true.

growing up, i never was fond of... anything that i associated with femenine, really. this included, but wasn't limited to, any color that wasn't blue (pink and purple get a special mention, i despised them), flowers, clothes too loose or too tight, shorts if they weren't from some sport, etc. i think you get the idea.

this collided with me being afab (aka a girl for everyone including myself) & neurodivergent. i wanted nothing to do with those things. but society wanted me to love them.

5 yo me said she didn't like Monster High. 5 yo female classmate said i was a weirdo. 7 yo me loved football. 7 yo male classmate said i couldn't play because i was a girl. 9 yo me hyperfixated on minecraft. 9 yo pretty much every classmate called me a geek.

so i stoped trying. for a while, i loved pink, wanted to have rapunzel's hair, watched disney channel, etc. but i already was the weirdo. i remember being three and friends with all of them. i remember playful fights for the toy rocket and reading books with the only other boy who could read, to ourselves, each other, and the whole class. but people grow up, and they change. so yeah, i was bullied. always the last one to be chosen, left alone on the bus rides, on my own at the playground.

and you'll be thinking "that sucks, but pao, how is it related to you being trans?"

you'll see, i didn't have many friends. i was kinda alone until i turned 7. then two new kids came to my class. let's call them eva and john. i made friends with them asap. i loved them so much!! they were my first friends since kindergarden. so i allowed myself to let go. i was already hated by most of my peers. why wouldn't i be myself with those who didn't despise me? (i was 7 when i thought this. 7 years old, and i thought that out of 20 people, 18 hated me. and then people wonder why i've got self-steem issues lmao. i'm tryna make the point that bullying in primary school isn't just some mean kids calling you names. i'm currently in high school and it still has its mark on me. but that's for another moment.)

so yeah. i went "wild". eva has adhd too (noice, right? i mean she has her diagnosis becaise she's primarly hyperactive, while i'm primarly inattentive, but we understood each other way quickier than with neurotypicals– even if i didn't know why yet), and john was kinda shy & corpulent (he wasn't fat, but he didn't look slim either), just like me. so we became friends. and i slowly opened up a little, while still playing my role of "the freak kid". i knew i was seen as that AND as the smart kid. double pressure, double bullying. but i had my small circle. it evolved until my current friend group, in which, god bless, there's a trans girl!! (eva's still on it– she's my best friend and i would die for her, no doubts. john can go fuck himself, the goddamned fascist).

but it ain't that easy. it never is. i'm 14 and afab. shit happens. y'all get it.

my first period happened while i was on a school trip (bad), on a hotel with no pads avaliable (very bad), on another country so i couldn't call my mum unless i had wifi because politics & stuff– and i did not have wifi (really bad). cue a lot of dysphoria (even if i didn't know it was that) + not being able to contact anyone. add the fact that i was the second one to have it, and it was some kind of taboo– it meant the other girls wouldn't leave me alone, and the result is clear: one of my worst panic attacks ever, on a tiny bathroom of some shitty hotel room.

from there it went downhill. my body started to become femenine, and the football short didn't make my hips smaller. my face, my oh so alarged face, suddenly became rounder. puberty hit me not only physically, but emotionally. and if that wasn't enough, we, as a class, were entering what's called here "the turkey age", a.k.a. teenagerhood, where looks become even more important. it didn't take long until i hated my body.

[WARNING: from here, this gets hard. mentions of eating disorders, depressive episodes/thoughts, toxic enviroments, homophobia/transphobia (both internalized and external), anxiety attacks, and thoughts of self-harm]

i thought "it's big, it shouldn't be big, it's fat. besides i don't want it to grow so fast. i want to make it stop growing. how? well, i grow up by eating. no eating=no growing".

yeah. eating disorder. when i think about it, i want to laugh. because it only took a few comments and "jokes" for me to be so angry at myself when i should be mad with them. i'm big. always have been, very likely always will. i've been told that i could make a very good rugby player. i probably would. i shared my cantine table with people (😔). and they wouldn't shut up. "[deadname], the rest wants to eat too!", "look at [deadname], she's gonna eat it all!". things like that. i stoped eating. i would pick up the smallest amount of food i could, even if my stomach was begging me to please eat something. eventually, my mum found out. and she helped me to grow out of it. i sometimes releapse, but never for that long. because i went on a whole year like that. and it sucked.

so, last year. socially anxious neurodivergent girl with several doubts on her sexuality gets to eight grade.

i play basketball. since i was little. i used to enjoy it a lot. we weren't a team– we were a family. loved 'em so much, 1000/10 one of the best things of my life. BOOM. now you're old enough & good enough to be on the "good" team. in the good time there's the cool kids. i am not a cool kid. oops. i was left behind, they all laughed at my back, no one cared about me (except one girl, but she was in the group and was scared to act until almost the end of the year. love her for that tho). i felt like shit. i was too scared to go to train. the sight of a ball scared me, because i couldn't help but think everyone was talking shit about me. we went to a national championship and when they went out to the city, they didn't tell me, then sent a pic of them having fun to the groupchat & delated it saying "oops it was for the other group". i had several breakdowns on my room that night. it was such a bad experience i can't even hear the name of the city without tearing up.

not to count that a new girl decided to make my life a living hell. now i know how to deal with her, but then i didn't, and i ended up curled up on the bathroom floor crying.

all while i discovered my own identity. i was so scared of being non-straight i hated myself for it.

it was a tough year and there were times where i would wish i'd never existed. it was too much for me to deal with, and i was just miserable. but i got out of it. remember the trans girl i mentioned? she's closeted, and she told me just this october. but even before that, she was my friend. she bought a new life to it all, a fresh one. i owe her a lot, including accepting myself as i am.

she is here, despite everything.

i am here, despite everything.

you are all here, despite everything.

some of us aren't here. they are the ones we remember. each one of us has our history. i shared mine with you all. it is not an easy road. you know that. it's hard, and it's tough, and it's difficult, and it's unfair.

but we are here, despite everything. the ones who made it, the ones who didn't, the ones who are halfway through it, and the ones who are to come.

we are here. we are trans. and we won't be erased.

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one-abuse-survivor · 3 years

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hey it's milky way

today's the last day before the fall break and the only things i've got left to do before is a bunch of exercises for english class.

the

past 8 weeks (since the end of summer break) have been one big rollercoaster. i've had a few highs where i felt genuinely good and like i could finally leave everything behind but on the other hand i've had even more lows that were really low. and usually the highs only lasted half a day or a day, while the lows lasted way longer which just sucked.

i was very close to relapsing so many times and the only thing that actually kept me from it was the guilt of ruining a 10 month streak of being sh free.

we got a new math teacher who is rly cool but also i had to take a philosophy class this year which has the worst teacher. i know that's not just my opinion bc every single person who i know ever had him agrees that he's an asshole and a pain in the ass to deal with. so he's just there to ruin my tuesday afternoon every week. his class just sucks every bit of life out of me.

this week i had two "mental health days" (i was sick with either a really really bad cold or a weird flu (not covid tho, since i'm vaccinated and i got tested) and i didn't go to school monday and tuesday) and it made *such* a difference because unlike a normal weekend, my parents weren't around during the day.

anyway, the stress of school is still crushing and nobody believes really believes me when i tell them. my one friend made a nasty joke about my problems today that really really hurt and yesterday evening when i told my parents that my gf and i broke up (it was for the best of both of us and we're still friends, so it's good) , my mom had the audacity to say that things like that don't matter as long as i am feeling well and happy (which i don't). and it just painfully reminded me of those times i tried to get my mom to understand that i'm not in fact feeling well and happy.

tldr: things suck and i'm not sure if they got better or worse.

i hope you're doing well and once again thanks for even doing this, writing these asks has helped me a lot

Hey again ❤️ you're welcome, I'm really glad sending these asks has helped you :)

Sorry to hear the lows were longer than the highs and that you were so close to relapsing more than once. I'm so, so proud of you for resisting. Anything that can help you get through those moments without relapsing is a good thing, even if it's just wanting to keep your streak. But remember to do other things to express or soothe those feelings if you can, okay? It's not good to bottle up all those feelings, even if self-harming isn't the best way to let them out.

I feel you so much with bad teachers making everything worse. When I was in high-school I had a really strict chemistry teacher (chemistry being the subject I struggled most with) and every day I had that subject was a day I spent shaking inside all day. The stress of school can absolutely be crushing, especially when you're already dealing with mental illness, undiagnosed neurodivergence, trauma, etc. I'm so sorry the people around you aren't taking you seriously. I really hope your friend apologised for that joke.

Mental health days are the best, especially when you can be alone in a house that doesn't usually feel safe for you. I'm really glad you got to have those two days for yourself. I'm also glad you're still friends with your ex and you made the decision you felt was best for both of you :) but so sorry your mom invalidated your feelings like that again. Of course it matters that you broke up with her. Even though it was friendly and a mutual decision, it's still allowed to evoke some strong feelings and to take a little while to get over.

I really hope you can get some rest during your fall break, it's so good that you only have some English exercises left to do :) as always, I'm here if you need to talk and I'm sending you a huge virtual hug ❤️

#milky way anon #Milky way anon #Ask #Self harm tw #Self-harm tw #Covid mention #Trauma tw #Neglect tw #Breakup tw

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