#johnny probably have a childhood dog as a kid

[cessmaga]

kenshi's a cat person, and johnny's a dog person

#thank you for coming to my ted talk #I like how everyone casually agrees that kenshi's a cat person #i hc that Kenshi used to have a stray black cat the he used to feed and pet as a little kid #johnny probably have a childhood dog as a kid #idk they give that vibe #johnny gives me a dog person vibes #and kenshi probably pets and feeds stray cats #you cannot change my mind #johnshi #johnshi headcanon #headcanon #mk1 #kencage #mortal kombat #mk headcanons #random post #text post

[skylarsblue]

✦Call of Duty Bio Headcanons✦

(I know they have canon ages and heights and stuff, but listen. It's fiction, and I think I know better(/j). You can disagree, but these are my opinions. Also, obviously, not all of the info has changed.)

✧John Price✧

Age: 42 y.o Height: 6'2" Pronouns: He/Him Sexuality: "Sexy-Is-Sexy" (Or Pansexual) Middle Name: Samuel Likes: Whiskey, vintage radios, old westerns, horses, & mint ice cream. Dislikes: Streaming services, cigarettes(ironic), spicy food, dust, & cottage cheese. Birthday: January 1st Zodiac: Capricorn -Trivia- -Allergic to cats and didn't know until he moved out because his mother had like, four. Grew up around them his entire childhood and was honestly devastated when he realized they make him sick cause he loves'em. -He was definitely a fuck boy in high school/college. Not an asshole one, he made his intentions up front and he was overall sweet, but he didn't wanna be tied down. Ironic given how he ended up wanting the exact opposite later on. -Wishes he took better care of his teeth as a kid. They look great now but he has five fillings in his molars and one (now replaced), silver tooth all the way in the back. Phobia: Amenisphobia; The fear of amnesia Neuro...: Neurotypical

✧Kyle "Gaz" Garrick✧

Age: 26 y.o Height: 6'0" Pronouns: He/Him (I heavily support the trans!Gaz HC) Sexuality: Bisexual w/ a male preference Middle Name: Dylin Likes: Hot chocolate, the smell of lavender, coconut, licorice toffee, & nostalgic music. Dislikes: Milk, politics(irony again), Winter, grocery shopping, & spiders. Birthday: September 5th Zodiac: Virgo -Trivia- -Second oldest of four children, the only boy. He's a family man when it comes to his siblings, but not so much when it comes to his parents. Barely present father and a stressed out mother create for a shaky relationship with them. -Cannot cook to save his life. Man lives off of delivery, MREs, and cup noodles. He knows like...four dishes, and most of them are really simple. -Struggles decorating and making outfits cause he likes tons of different aesthetics. Everything from Scene Kid(for his inner teen) to streetwear. His version of housed decor are a bunch of plants. (Fake so they don't die when he's on deployment) Phobia: Arachnophobia; fear of arachnids/spiders. Neuro...: Neurodivergent (Dyslexia)

✧Johnny "Soap" MacTavish✧

Age: 29 y.o Height: 5'8" Pronouns: He/Him Sexuality: Omnisexual Middle Name: Neil (heh) Likes: Knickknacks, loud music, punk aesthetic, chickens, & football(aka Soccer for us pathetic Americans). Dislikes: Silence, sitting still, vague answers, being told what to do, & big dogs. Birthday: August 12th Zodiac: Leo -Trivia- -Constantly on & off with a caffeine addiction. He'll do really good about just drinking water, then he'll have one energy drink and he's fucked it all up again. -The scar on his chin is from a dog, the scar in his eyebrow is from a fight he got in as a teenager. He got in a lot of trouble as a teen. -Borderline pyromaniac, honestly. Hyperfixated on fire as a kid and now he's really happy to be a bombtech. Bro loves blowing shit up. Phobia: Cynophobia; fear of dogs. Neuro...: Neurodivergent (ADHD, hyperlexia)

✧Simon "Ghost" Riley✧

Age: 36 y.o Height: 6'4" Pronouns: He/It (Using "it" makes him seem more ominous, which he thinks is fun) Sexuality: Gay or Homoflexible, demisexual/demiromantic probably Middle Name: Achilles Likes: Birds, alternative indie music, dark chocolate, Victorian architecture, & murder mystery books. Dislikes: Snakes, graveyards, the dark(when it's completely pitch black), 99% of physical touch, & fluorescent lights. Birthday: December 30th Zodiac: Capricorn -Trivia- -He'll never admit it but he loves babies. They're super tiny and super cute, and Simon's heart always melts when one's around. Alas, he's also terrified of scaring them or getting attached, so he avoids babies as best he can. Can't have people thinking he's soft. -Makes the best steak in Manchester. Sometimes his seasoning is bland but the meat itself is perfection, you won't find any better. Melts in your mouth every time. It's a steak equivalent of 6 orgasms. It IS an orgasm. He makes great fucking steak. -Isn't fond of pure silence like Soap, but he doesn't often wanna fill it with loud sounds. He has a playlist of softer, more instrumental songs for this. Or he'll listen to nature sounds. He likes quiet, just not silent. Phobia: Taphephobia; the fear of being buried alive. Neuro...: Neurodivergent (Autistic, dyscalculia)

✧Alejandro Vargas✧

Age: 38 y.o Height: 5'11" Pronouns: He/Him Sexuality: Bisexual (Maybe Poly? He's not sure) Middle Name: N/A Likes: Hot drinks, the smell of roses, his nieces/nephews, physical affection, & cowboy hats. Dislikes: Sweaty palms, tourist-y Americans, caramel sauce, white-lies, & the feeling of glue. Birthday: March 25th Zodiac: Aries -Trivia- -Was with Valeria for awhile, but differences, stress, and Valeria discovering she was pretty gay broke them up. They had some tension, but he wasn't bitter towards her. Until she betrayed them, of course. -Was actually the last of his friend group to lose his virginity. He's a passionate, flirty man, but he's not throwing that kind of trust out willy-nilly. He had a few relationships but didn't reach that point until he was like, 19, about to turn 20. He asked a friend to share the moment with him. ...a close friend. -Cannot function in the cold at all. And his definition of cold is 21 degrees Celsius. (70 Fahrenheit for us Americans) He layers and complains all day, he's got a fuckin' heated blanket. A heated blanket owner in fucking MEXICO. Phobia: Coulrophobia; the fear of clowns Neuro...: Neurotypical

✧Rodolfo "Rudy" Parra✧

Age: 38 y.o Height: 5'9" Pronouns: He/Him Sexuality: Bisexual (Also maybe poly but he's very hesitant about it) Middle Name: N/A Likes: Ice baths, windchimes, baked sweets(mostly pie), clean handwriting, & naps on the couch. Dislikes: Cutting onions, heavy blankets, confrontation(with like, loved ones. Not on duty, obviously), slow walkers, & reptiles. Birthday: June 20th Zodiac: Gemini -Trivia- -Super good at singing, but he never does, because he's embarrassed. His mother would often encourage him to sing when he was younger at family gatherings, and now he cringes when someone hears him sing and comments on it. -His house is full of fans. Some rooms have more than one. They're running basically all the time, as well as the AC. Sometimes he has to get a family member to go home and turn them off when he's on a long mission. -He knew Alejandro before Alejandro knew him. When they were kids, Rudy was shy and had some problems with his health(exercise induced asthma mostly), so he didn't go out of his way to befriend other kids much. But he was a people watcher, and Alejandro was the most fun to watch. They actually met because one of Alejandro's friends pointed it out and called him creepy, only for Alejandro to defend him. Then they became super close friends! Phobia: Bufonophobia; the fear of toads Neuro...: Neurodivergent (Autistic, echolalia)

✧Valeria Garza✧

Age: 39 y.o Height: 5'7" Pronouns: She/It Sexuality: Sapphic Demiromantic Middle Name: N/A Likes: Expensive paintings, perfect nail-polish, sandalwood incense, lemon water, & flowers. Dislikes: Shaving, back-talk, tiny text on documents or books, chunky rings, & pineapple. Birthday: January 23rd Zodiac: Aquarius -Trivia- -Has a pull to religious imagery in a darker light because of religious trauma. Roman Catholicism is quite common in Mexico, but her parents were really heavy about it. To the point it makes Valeria bitter over it. She has a rocky relationship with God, but finds Mary comforting. Because when she was brought to church, but wanted to hide, she'd hide beside a Mary statue in a corner. -She has an odd sleep schedule. She often only gets four hours of sleep, but she doesn't seem to be tired at any point. In fact, the more sleep she gets, the more lethargic she is that day. -Her first girlfriend was when she was still in the military. A traveling medic from Italy. Unfortunately, the flame came and went thanks to the medic having to leave. Valeria has moved on, but she does mourn their lost time sometimes and has a little dream of meeting her again one day. Though she knows that's not practical. Phobia: Ecclesiophobia; the fear of church Neuro...: Neurotypical

✧Alex Keller✧

Age: 36 y.o Height: 6'1" Pronouns: He/Him Sexuality: Heteroflexible Middle Name: Sebastian (he's embarrassed about this) Likes: Golden retrievers, bad jokes, most seafood, provolone cheese, & hummus. Dislikes: Thanksgiving, the sound of rubbing styrofoam, being told to "do what he wants"(makes him feel aimless), tobacco smell, & overzealousness. (He likes simplicity...excluding his tattoos) Birthday: December 2nd Zodiac: Sagittarius -Trivia- -He doesn't really talk to his family excluding holidays. BUT, he will always keep in contact with his older sister, and his niece by proxy. They're the only two that made him feel wanted in his family. He wasn't abused in his mind, but he wasn't paid attention to much either. He always seemed overshadowed by something/someone, and as he got older, he got tired of feeling like an outcast in his own family. So he slowly drifted away and he goes on the guidance of orders he receives. -Probably born in a small town in a place like Utah. He's got small-town-mid-south manners. But I like to imagine he spent a lot of his time in California too, he seems like he'd enjoy the sun and the ocean. -Picks up languages really quick, somehow. At least, when he's around people that speak it. If he had to learn purely from books, he'd have choppy speech at best. He's fluent in English, Spanish, and Arabic. Also, knows a bit of ASL, but he's still working on that one. Phobia: Lilapsophobia; the fear of hurricanes/tornadoes Neuro...: Neurodivergent (Hyperlexia, SPD)

✧Farah Ahmed Karim✧

Age: 30 y.o Height: 5'5" Pronouns: She/Her Sexuality: Aliquaromantic Demi-Bisexual Middle Name: N/A Likes: Poppies, motorcycles, pretty much any food with chickpeas, super spicy stuff, and the sky at dusk. Dislikes: Overly salty things, riddles, genuine cockiness, the feeling of rust(that includes on spoons...), & long winded responses. Birthday: July 1st Zodiac: Cancer -Trivia- -Keeps her hair long despite the fact it's annoying to deal with sometimes. Purely for sentimental reasons. To her, it represents the growth she's had as a person. A far cry from the buzz-cut she was forced into when under someone else's control. So she refuses to cut it. -She will never use it, and she despises it, but she's semi-fluent in Russian. Being around it for so long made her pick it up. It works well if she needs to translate, but she'll be caught dead before she speaks Russian. -Honestly can't cook for shit. She doesn't know what the hell she's doing in the kitchen and basically relies on MREs or the skills of others. She's not a picky eater though, and she'll always finish what's put in front of her, even if she's not fond of it. Phobia: Agniophobia; fear of choking Neuro...: Neurotypical

✧Konig✧

Age: 28 y.o Height: 6'10" Pronouns: He/They Sexuality: Bisexual Middle Name: Obercht (Bonus)Last Name: Badubrecht Likes: Making bracelets, boxing(watching or doing), soda, heavy metal, & fresh bread. Dislikes: Certain kinds of wool, small cars, low doorframes, having to go to the medic, & the smell of hay. Birthday: March 9th Zodiac: Pisces -Trivia- -Was bullied all through high school for various things. His demeanor, his size, his hair(which was long), his cleft lip scar, etc. It took until he hit the largest growth spurt he ever had in secondary school when people began to stop poking fun, but instead avoid him. He maybe had 2-3 actual friends in his entire life before the military. And even now he mostly has acquaintances, not friends. -Doesn't talk to his mother, she was overbearing and cruel, mostly because Konig looks a lot like his father. He doesn't really talk to his father much because the man is hard to talk to. He's not completely cut off, but they are estranged. Konig's grandma hears from him almost every day, sometimes twice a day. She's a badass in her 90s who has never done him wrong, and he would blow up the entire world if anything happened to her. -Sometimes Konig gets comments that say he's got multiple personalities. (By uneducated people, clearly) Because he seems to switch dramatically between modes depending on time, place, and circumstance. Sometimes he's childish and giggly, cute even. Sometimes he's silent, unreadable, and withdrawn. And on the battlefield he's...inhuman, terrifying, and nothing short of bloodthirsty. Phobia: Equinophobia; the fear of horses. Neuro...: Neurodivergent (autistic)

#call of duty #call of duty mwii #modern warfare #captain john price #john price #john soap mactavish #soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #konig call of duty #farah karim #alex keller #alejandro vargas #rodolfo rudy parra #valeria el sin nombre garza #kyle gaz garrick #gaz mw2 #soap x gaz #headcanons #call of duty headcanons

[meteor752]

Curious of what a modern au with the kids would look like…

Oh Anon don’t make me go there

(I am going there)

Not making designs for them (at the moment >:)) but I will give you some headcanons

Liana

Home girl is on her way to take over the fucking world

Comes from an extremely confusing home life, with her dads splitting up and getting together over and over again, both of them having had other partners during the breakup periods that never really last

In the present she has two dads and an additional step dad. She doesn’t like him that much, but her dads relationship seem more stable with him so she bears with it

Liana lost her leg just as she did in canon, due to frostbite. She got lost in the woods during winter for almost a week, and lost one of her shoes in a hole. She likes to dramatize the story though, to seem cooler

Started her own company at eighteen, and it grew into a multimillion corporation after only two years

She dabbles in a lot of things with her company, everything from movie production to train travel, tech to food items, theme parks to merch, and everything in between. Liana doesn’t calm down until she has control over every major industry in the world

Evil capitalist? Yes but consider this: Sexy evil capitalist lesbian. It makes up for it

She does own a lot of charities too, the majority of which being somewhat bird related, like the preservation of endangered birds, or rehabilitation of birds that have been abused by their owners. She likes birds

Still married to Jassy, her childhood best friend. She spoils her wife absolutely rotten (mostly with anime merch and manga’s), and would give up her entire company for her

Buuuuuut, Jassy hasn’t asked that of her yet, so Double Co. will keep on growing

Wes

Even without the imp genes, he’s still a big fricking boy

I mentioned multiple times that BDubs and Impulse were a bit like beauty pageant moms with Wes. Well…yeah

BDubs and Impulse wasn’t full beauty pageant moms (like those fuckers who like, perform surgeries on their four year olds so they will have fuller lips and shit), but beauty pageants was a huge part of my boy’s childhood, which wasn’t the best thing since he hates the spotlight and when people have their eyes on him. His dads would have stopped signing him up for them if he asked, but he was too nervous to do so, so yeah

But hey, at least my man can play the cello like a champ as an adult, since that was his talent.

He’s studying geology because rocks are cool :)

As an adult is relationship with his dads is…a bit strained, but he’s working through it in therapy

Engaged to his fiancé Jekiv, and has been so for many years now. Both of them are still studying, and even though his best friend (and stepsister’s) rich af wife has offered to handle the budget for the wedding, they want to wait until they can afford it themselves

Still has OCD and a lot of Anxiety, but now there’s at least medicine!

Gertrude

Golden retriever personified

She works out everyday just so she can lift and hug every dog she meets

One of her dads cheated on her other dad when she was little, so she grew up in separate homes. It was alright though, Big B would always bake with her and take her to the dog park, while Ren would tell fantastical stories and play as much dress up as she wanted

So yeah, Gertrude is actually pretty aight in this universe

I imagine Renchanting is some shop her dad owns, maybe either like a bisexual crystal shop or like a costume place, but she probably works part time there

Volunteers at a lot of dog rescue shelters, and has adopted many of them

Is studying to become a vet, but is also practicing writing on the side. She wants to write children’s fantasy novels, about princesses and magic

Is dating Novo, and has been waiting for him to propose for almost six years. She gonna keep on waiting

Johnny

Man is half British half Arizonan, still somehow speaks with a country accent. Only god knows where he got it from, and I don’t even think he does

Apart from more humane features, nothing about Johnny changes. Still an Aromantic icon, still a sweetie, still a rancher at heart, and he can still absolutely shred it on the Banjo

Suffers from mild anemia and asthma. He sometimes struggles to keep up with his friends, especially when they were children, but he always found ways to keep their pace, even if that means he sometimes had to be carried

He absolutely has one of those trucks that he treats as his baby. He’s worked on it for years, he has a name for it (It’s Butternut), he will cry if it’s even slightly scratched, it’s his child and he loves it very much.

Gertrude probably taught him some mechanics to take care of Butternut

Dreams of one day owning a ranch, but that’s a bit away

He probably volunteers and helps out at a lot of stables and riding schools, wrangling horses and whatnot. He’s got a natural talent, what can I say?

Jassy

She still styles her hair in all of those ridiculous anime styles, but now it takes a considerable amount of more hairspray and time

The way she bonded with her dads as a kid was through their favorite medias, so with Etho they would always talk Naruto and anime while with Joel she would always talk Shrek and Harry Potter

Has taken Ninjitsu and parkour classes since she learned how to walk

The only dyed part of her hair is the green streak. She has incredibly pale blonde hair

Married to one of the most successful entrepreneurs ever, and she pulled that bitch by being a fucking weeb

Is extremely into Cosplay, and has a Naruto OC that is Kakashi’s super cool powerful daughter

Has a job in a book store, mostly because she enjoys having something to do during the days. Is a bad employe tho, spends most of the time reading manga or mystery novels

Collects knives and daggers as a hobby because she’s just that bitch

Jekiv

Imagining Jekiv as not a Zombie is actually very difficult

In canon Martyn just kinda dipped, but imma say he stuck around here, so yeah Jekiv grew up with both of his parents. Separated of course, but they were both present

Still, he’s got a lot better relationship with his mom than his dad. They’re more alike

Suffers from Hyperthyroidism, which is the reason behind his skinny figure, his patchy hair, his weak muscles, and his bulging eyes. He’s had it since he was a tween, and he tries to not let it bother him

He gets sunburnt really easily so he rarely goes outside when the sun is shining. He’s pale af

Is studying forensic pathology, and works part time at a morgue. He’s always had a weird fascination with dead bodies, but hey at least he isn’t a serial killer

Would absolutely be a serial killer if he had the skills and strength to do so

Owns over twenty breeds of frog, two of which is poisonous

Has a resting bitch face, but he also is just a straight up bitch sometimes

Novo

Mans still a lil freak

Has Stahl’s ear syndrome and thinks it’s cool as fuck. Usually has his hair tied up to show it off

Bleaches and dyes his hair a new color every month. His hair is permanently damaged because of it, but he’s mostly fine with it

While his parents are on non speaking terms, they’re a lot more healthy than in canon. Novo is well raised and loved, he’s just Like That

Has a freakish resistance to the cold, like, Canadian level resistance, so mans will just lay in in a t-shirt and skirt in the snow while taking a nap

Picks up a new instrument every few weeks. He can’t play any of them, but he likes to find ways to annoy his friends with them

Is studying law, actually. He may not look or act it, but he’s freakishly smart, and he wants to become a prosecutor

Is dating Gertrude, and has been waiting for her to propose for almost six years. He’s gonna keep on waiting

#double life smp #dlsmp #dlsmp fankids #dlsmp children #double life fankids #liana no last name given #wes double sv #gertrude stats diggity dawg #johnathan ‘johnny’ tek #jassy smallishbeans #jekiv inthelittlewood #novo major moon #Scarian #desert duo #impdubs #RenB #team rancher #Solidaritek #Smalletho #Boat Boys #Modern au

[mezmer]

Does anyone remember the mezmer mom divorce saga?

In 2020 I conceived my daughter in July. Outdoors lol. A month and a half later I took the test and expected it to be negative. Well it was positive, and Johnny and my mom were home at the time. I walked to the top of the basement stairs where my mom was doing some laundry and I told her it was positive. She said, WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

At the time that year she’d been playing World of Warcraft with some friends she met online, which she had done off and on since the game came out. She did voice chat, was in a guild, etc. the night after I got the positive test, she was on voice chat playing WoW, and her voice seemed to be higher pitched than usual talking to a man in her guild. My stepdad, who she had been married to for ten years, just got off of work and he thought nothing of it. I thought it was strange and I had a mysterious and vague premonition. Over the week, she continued playing with the guy and even mentioned him to me in a way I also thought was strange. By the end of that month, divorce was on the table. I held my stepdad while he cried. He thought she was having an affair with her boss and I tried to tell him it was a guy on WoW and he did not believe me. I was very close to my stepdad and he had kept a roof over my head for years; he was a great man. One day, maybe a couple months later after many arguments, my mom jumped in front of my stepdad’s car as he was attempting to drive away from the house. She hung on to the hood and he slammed on the breaks. I was not present but this is what I’d gathered from the situation. She called the cops and he was arrested for DV. Everything after that changed fast. He wasn’t allowed in his childhood home we lived in and my mom took over the house. She took weeks off of work to fly to California to meet the guy she met playing WoW. She took my 10 year old half brother with her. She was terrified of flying, so it was huge that she’d chose to do this. Of course there was a restraining order in place with my stepdad. My mom asked me to watch her three dogs while she was on vacation, so I did. She sent me pictures and went on and on about this guy. Something really embarrassing happened I shouldn’t say. She sent me a video on accident, and this to me showed her brain was experiencing side effects of long term amphetamine use. She has been taking ADHD meds constantly since she was a young child. Her behavior was erratic. Nothing substantial was happening in my own life aside from my progressing pregnancy. Months still passed, and I kept asking her when Brandon was getting the house back. The answer was different but the same every time : I don’t know.

I knew this was going to be bad. I didn’t plan on moving in with Johnny’s family because I didn’t really know them. In the final months of my pregnancy, they told me they were renovating to make a nursery for our child and that was that. I started nesting as you would say, and I started having Johnny and his dad slowly move things out of the house. Keepsakes clothes etc. My mom was reassuring me I’d have time to get those things. I wasn’t in contact with my stepdad who was staying with his father. The divorce was progressing quickly. I was worried and kept taking totes of my grandma’s belongings out of the basement. Oh and, that guy she met? He left her and ghosted her one day. This was probably 75% of the way through my pregnancy. She thought she was gonna marry this guy. Well immediately after she started going on tinder dates with strangers and having me watch my little brother. By now I had moved in with Johnny totally and was about to give birth.

Until finally, my mom was evicted. Cops came with Brandon and told her she had minutes to leave. She called me hysterically crying that they’d kicked her out. I know in my heart of hearts she was aware of an eviction date and I still have no idea why she didn’t tell me what it was. I also still had important things there. Then I give birth, I have my seizures, she continues dating people from tinder, and didn’t spend much time at all with me and my newborn daughter. I don’t know where she stayed, but quickly she found a man to move in with who she is still with now, and she drinks more heavily than she ever had.

The point of this is the remnants of my relationship with my stepfather. He was destroyed by the divorce (they married when he was 24 and she was 34) and he found it difficult to speak to me at all. I was also a fentanyl addict before this all happened and as a substance abuser, our relationship was difficult even then, though we both loved each other and were close family. Well I’d gotten sober and had my baby, and I did reach out and begged him to give any extra belongings of me, mom, and brothers to me so I could keep them safe here. He allowed me to come get two loads of stuff at first. I came and we hugged and talked for a short period of time. One of the loads was mostly literal garbage he’d found in his bedroom that my mom had compiled over that time. He was a busy worker and had little time to go through things, so he stuffed it all in boxes and brought it to the driveway. We lost contact after that.

Until two days ago, my mom called and said Brandon is moving out and he has a few boxes for me if I’d come get it. She gave me his number, I texted him, and I said I can come today, and I did. This time, I brought my daughter and we tearfully talked and hugged each other. He gave me more sentimental items this time. We told each other we loved each other and he met my daughter. He told me he will keep in contact with me now, and that the divorce was really hard on him. I gave him a letter I wrote to make amends for my substance abuse. That was that. It was incredibly intense and I’ve been thinking of it nonstop since then.

[zmediaoutlet]

fic: the tonberry suite

have you ever loved something for twenty-seven years and then FINALLY work up the gumption and energy to write it? Yeah. So this is me self-indulging, at last.

title: the tonberry suite pairing: Cloud/Barret rating: E length: 6800 tags: Game: Final Fantasy VII Rebirth (2024); Gold Saucer (Compilation of FFVII); First Time; Friends With Benefits; Intercrural Sex; Size Kink; Slight D/s Elements

summary: At the Gold Saucer, the girls and Red run off for their downtime, leaving Barret and Cloud to get hotel rooms. They have a few hours to kill; Barret has a good idea how to spend the time.

(read on AO3)

Kid’s been acting weird since they got off the ship from Junon. Though, truth be told, kid’s been acting weird since Midgar. Odds are real good the kid’s been weird his whole life, but that’d be more Tifa’s call, and she’s too nice to say. “Any chance you gonna relax?” Barret says. Cloud stares straight ahead with his arms folded, boots shoulder-width apart like the freaky mako-wasting moving walkway ain’t nothing that could faze him, and Barret rolls his eyes, behind his shades. Yeah. That figures.

Long walk and a long day and a hell of a long week, though, and Barret’s due some downtime. He watches the streaking weirdness of the night blurring past the tunnel, fireworks and flashing lights and who knows what the hell else smearing the mako-green with strange colors. World moving under their feet. The girls are off somewhere playing, games and sparkly nonsense a distraction they need, probably. Long mission without a lot of light in it; he hadn’t wanted to waste the time but, hell, not like they hadn’t earned a night off. Especially since he’s feeling like he’s bruised from the top of his head to his heels with all the shit they’ve been getting heaped on ‘em, lately, and especially with…

“We’re here,” Cloud says, and takes a step forward, and sure enough the wacky walkway ends just as his boot moves from fake planet-killing speedway to cobblestone, and they look up to find—

“You gotta be kidding me,” Barret says, with the haunted hotel looming creepy and dark and just plain strange over their heads.

Cloud tips his face up, ghostly white in the shadows. “A hotel’s a hotel,” he says, quiet. He glances at Barret, quick, and then presses his lips together. “C’mon. They probably don’t have many rooms. Might have to share.”

Barret snorts. “Might have to,” he says, and watches Cloud duck his head, and resettle that fuck-off bastard of a sword on his back, and stalk forward like it ain’t no thing. Shit-hell of a day though it’s been, Barret can’t help but grin. Yeah. This is gonna go some kind of way.

*

That falling-apart dive of Johnny’s in Costa Del Sol was the first time he saw for sure, but not the first he suspected. In Midgar it was all chaos, and they were apart more than they were working together even after Barret had hired him at his exorbitant-ass prices. In Kalm they had rooms at the inn but after skedaddling down the road and hearing Cloud and Tifa’s godawful account of what had set them on this hunt they were all too dog-tired (apologies to Red) to do much more than collapse asleep, no more words exchanged. Then the road, and trading out sleeping in the tents and keeping watch, and clawing through caves and fiends and helping each other up out of the mud and saving each other’s lives, over and over and more times than he’d have thought possible, that first time when Tifa nervously introduced him to her childhood friend, this unsmiling little twerp in the uniform of the enemy who looked like he’d crack in two if Barret clapped his shoulder too hard, and who Barret was gonna dismiss out of hand because they needed real muscle for this mission, until the kid looked up, and met his eyes, and Barret saw that telltale unreal flicker of green.

Crazy, weird eyes. Cold half the time, the rest of the time mostly unimpressed, except those little moments Barret’ll catch, here and there. When a fight’s gone well and none of them are bleeding and he’ll turn and look at Barret’s chest, and then up to actually see his face, and he’ll be—maybe not smiling because that’s not something all those magic-infused muscles seem to know how to manage, but he looks—good, anyway. Glad. On the back of a chocobo with the wind in his stupid spiky hair and the sun on his face, looking like maybe death and pain aren’t top of mind, for once. And, every once in a while, looking one hundred percent his age, when one of the girls teases him, or when he’s reminded that there’s more to life than fighting, or when—say, just as an example—they’re sharing a decrepit room at a motel, and Barret’s claimed first shower because age before beauty’s got to work sometime, and he comes out toweling off and feeling less like hammered shit and Cloud sits up from his slump on the edge of the bed and looks where he might as well look because it’s not like Barret sees the point in covering up, when it’s just the guys and they got other crap to worry about, and he’s talking about hitting the beach and he’s thinking about where they’re headed next and he finds Cloud’s mouth parted and his eyes startled-wide and fixed low and he thinks, oh, there it is. Yeah. Something he’d half-wondered but put away because it hardly mattered, but—hey, there it was, after all.

*

He’s still pissed when they close the door on their room. Tonberry Suite. Fuck right the hell off. Little robot dude’s actually carrying a knife, like the little demons aren’t legit piss-off scary, merk your ass as soon as you get within five feet, like none of the goofy-ass ghosts and zombies and white-faced goth kid clerks ever could be. “Chill out,” Cloud says, and Barret says, “I’ll boot the creepy little shit out the spooky-ass window and maybe then I’ll chill out,” and Cloud rolls his eyes but, hey, there’s that expression again. Not all the way to smiling, but.

If this suite’s like the other then they’re set on beds, anyway. Two queen-sized on the one wall and an alcove in the back with another, set back behind drapes like that’s where the magic happens. All kinds of dumbass themed shit over the rest of the room—and that little Tonberry guy is looking at him, Barret swears to anything—but it’s beds and four walls and a door that locks and, hey, a bathroom. Good opportunity to shower off all the dust of the hometown he ruined. “Age before beauty,” he says, standing in the doorway.

Cloud shakes his head, setting that ridiculous sword up against the wall. “Just call dibs,” he says, like he’s too cool for school. “You’re not that old.”

“Yeah?” Barret says. “Well, maybe you’re just that pretty.” Gets the satisfaction of one of those startled-wide pretty-ass looks before he closes the door and he grunts. Score one, Wallace.

It’s a good shower. Someone’s paying a hell of a lot for this suite and the planet’s paying her share, too, so it oughta be. He comes out pummeled and mostly clean and smelling like some body wash that claims to be spiderweb soft, comfily thick black towel around his waist. Finds Cloud leaning against the wall by the window, looking out like there’s something to see besides the fake-thunderstorm effects, expression like he’s a thousand miles from here. In the shitty past or the gloomy future, Barret doesn’t know, but he ain’t having it. He was promised downtime.

“Your turn, Spiky.” A lifted shoulder, silence. Barret sighs. “C’mon, now. Red says your ass smells like blood. You wanna change that, while you got the chance.”

“My… ass,” Cloud says. Looks sidelong, slanted along his shoulder, and then his lips part again. For trying so hard to look cool he’s real bad at keeping his cards to himself. Barret’s holding the towel closed but he’s dripping on the floor and there’s a lot on display, he knows. He smiles, flat, and Cloud meets his eye and then closes his mouth and then clearly swallows, all the way across the room. Yeah. Yeah, it’s on.

Barret would’ve figured SOLDIERs would be efficient—whenever anyone asks the kid a question about his time in the service he tells some grim-ass story about control and training and everything sucking, so three minute showers would go right along with that—but Cloud’s in there for a while. Long enough that Barret steps back into his trousers, anyway, and finds the mini-bar, and makes a drink (whisky + ice cubes counts as a drink, not that he’ll tell Tifa that). He sits on the big bed at the back and listens to the rain. Fake, sure. Doesn’t sound like it. Thunder and the wind across the glass and the room dim, flickering candlelight, sconces glowing amber-red. The bed’s soft and the drapes are freakin’ velvet and it’s a cocoon, in here, like the rest of the doomed world don’t exist at all, and it’s about as far as he could get from Corel while being no more than, what, a half-mile above it. The desert stretching empty below. The wreckage so close he can see it whenever he closes his eyes.

Wrong kind of downtime. He pours a second drink, and then a third that he sets on the bedside table, waiting. The creepy little robot paces by, behind, emitting its weird humidifier-smoke. Cedar. Smell of the woods on fire. Barret breathes in deep.

Cloud finally comes out of the shower. “Took you long enough,” Barret says.

“Shut up,” Cloud says. He’s got one of the black towels around his hips, too, uniform folded neatly and boots swinging, tied over his wrist. Body a white flash against the stupid purple wallpaper, whiter when there’s a fake burst of lightning. He sets his clothes by his pack, at the foot of the bed closest to the door. Stands still, looking down. Covers the back of his neck with one hand, like… Barret doesn’t even know. What goes on in that strange head.

Not what he’s worried about, right now. “Well, don’t keep me waiting longer,” Barret says, and when Cloud turns he holds out the glass he’s had sitting there, condensation gleaming on the crystal. “Downtime.”

“Thought we were waiting until the new Heaven opened up,” Cloud says. He comes over, though, and takes the glass, so Barret can pick his own up again and hold it out. Cloud’s pale perfect little forehead gains a single line between his pale perfect little eyebrows, but he seems to remember human behavior after a second and clinks the rim of their glasses together, and takes a sip when Barret does. He doesn’t hiss or flinch or react at all to barrel-proof alcohol served nearly-neat. Freak. His tongue touches the center of his lower lip, briefly. “Hm.”

“Good shit, right?” Barret says. He tips the crystal against the light, watching how it glows amber. Watches Cloud’s face, behind it. “Yeah, I remember. And we’ll let our girl make us real cocktails when she gets that bar again. But it’s been enough of a day. Week. Shit. Enough of a life. They got a five hundred gil bottle in the bar and some cat’s paying for it? Think we deserve a taste, after all this.”

Cloud’s eyebrows raise, acknowledgment, and he looks down into his own glass. He’s wild, even just standing there. His strange, compact body. Anyone just seeing his face could mistake him for a woman, no question—Aerith told the story of just how many made the mistake back in Wall Market with vicious glee, ignoring how Cloud turned nine shades of red behind her while she did—but neck down there’s no question that this is a man. Slender as a girl, sure, but ripped where it counts, his shoulders curved with muscle, his waist and hips nipped narrow. Smaller than Barret, like most everyone is, but no frail thing, not breakable. Not oblivious, either, since as soon as he came out of the shower he glanced lightning-quick at Barret’s bare chest and shoulders and then south, to where he’d left his trousers lazily unzipped, and it’s—

“I figure we got a few hours, while the girls get all the running around out of their systems,” Barret says. Cloud squints a little, calculating, and then nods. Like it’s a battle plan they’re working out. “Yeah. So. Help me out, here.” He holds out the gun-arm.

Cloud blinks at him, startled again. For a hardcore SOLDIER-trained professional badass he sure takes his turn looking like a caught rabbit. “You can’t do that yourself?”

“Can,” Barret says. Shrugs, resting the whisky glass on his knee. “Easier if I got a partner to help out.”

One of those weird still watching moments. Cloud looking at nothing, who-knows-what thoughts passing behind his eyes. “Fine,” he says, and steps forward, and sets his hands on Barret’s arm, above the belted cover, barely damp from the shower.

Warm. Always a surprise whenever the kid’s skin touches his—seems like he should be radiating ice crystals, with how he acts half the time—and soft, like even with all that swordplay he doesn’t form calluses. The mechanism of the socket isn’t complicated and Cloud frowns down at it for a few seconds before he finds the latch, and pops it, and the release of tension from Barret’s forearm to elbow to shoulder goes through him like someone’s cast a cure spell, instantly better all the way to his toes.

He watches Cloud’s face while he finds the other latches. Frowning still, concentrating, but there’s a faint pink coming up across his cheekbones and ears. “Hey, kid,” Barret says. Flick of a glance, but Cloud’s starting to unscrew the main bolt that holds the gun into the socket and he turns back to that. “I ain’t trying to mess you around, here.”

“What does that mean,” Cloud says.

Three bolts down; Barret turns his arm over, palm up if he still had a palm, and lets the kid’s clever fingers make short work of the other half. “I’m saying, I don’t want this to be some kinda game, or confuse you, or tease, or nothing.”

The last bolt: a thunk kind of sound, and the assembly pops free, leaving Barret’s arm truncated in the steel socket that covers his elbow and where the rest of his arm was, and Cloud holding the weapon that makes him at all useful. He turns it over in his hands, curious. The broad base where the bolts connect to the socket, the gears, the internal materia-casing that makes the ammunition work. Barret’s seen it, is used to it, doesn’t care so much anymore, but he hasn’t seen someone else look at it, in a long time. Cloud frowns—of course, Cloud frowns—but clearly just trying to puzzle through the mechanism. It’s a weapon, and Cloud’s interested in those, but he looks up at Barret’s face after a few more seconds, his expression flat, cold.

“What,” he says. Distrust.

Barret shakes his head. “That’s what I’m saying. Ain’t no need for that. I ain’t teasing and I ain’t trying to make this anything it’s not. But—” He drains his drink and the whisky goes down hot, smooth, smoky-sweet, and sets the glass on the side table, and reaches out with his good left hand and cups Cloud’s bare side. God, he’s small—Barret’s hand spreading across his ribs and his thumb brushing up under the tight tiny furl of his navel—and Cloud takes a quick short breath, muscles tensing, except he couldn’t be all that surprised because he doesn’t move away, or flinch, or beat Barret’s brains in with the gun he’s still holding in both hands. Barret smiles and Cloud’s eyes—instead of squinting all bitchy or frowning or whatever else he’d expect, they get all wide again, startled, like—smiling wasn’t what he expected. This friggin’ kid. “Yeah. We got downtime. I figure, we might help each other out, maybe. ‘Cause I think maybe you been wanting to, huh? Maybe you been thinking about it, sometimes.” Cloud licks his lips, eyes dropping from Barret’s to his shoulder, his chest. “Ain’t ashamed to say I been thinking the same. You up for it, kid?”

Cloud takes a slow breath, his chest visibly rising. “That why you dropped a blanket over the Tonberry?” he says, after a second.

Flicker of a smile around his mouth. After waiting patiently through all this negotiation, Barret’s dick thickens in his trousers. He sits forward, slides his hand around to the small of Cloud’s back. “Don’t want the creepy little bastard watching, what can I say,” Barret says. Cloud rolls his eyes but does smile for real, close-lipped, and sets Barret’s gun on the table next to their whisky glasses, and Barret waits until it thunks down before he pulls Cloud in, gets him right between Barret’s knees, gets him close. Cloud’s hands land on his shoulders, tense, and Barret tips his head back, makes sure Cloud’s looking him in the eye. “To be clear,” he says, “I wanna fuck. Sound good?”

Cloud huffs. “Yeah, I got that,” he says. Nervy dart of his tongue to his lower lip, anyway. But then: “Yeah. Sounds good. But—”

“Don’t say it’ll cost me two grand,” Barret says, grinning, that hot held thing in his gut glowing like superheated ore. “Make me think you’re some other kind of merc entirely.”

“You wish,” Cloud says, and—hell, that’s a whole different world right there, unfolding in the imagination—but there he is, standing there caught between Barret’s knees, and Barret follows this kid into battle fifty times a day, trusts his orders and tactical mind more than he has anyone else in is whole life, but on this one it’s clear who’s leading and who follows, and it makes him—slide his hand gentle over Cloud’s belly, up over the skinny flat of his chest. Not smiling now, and not cool and confident and with that attitude like he’s saying fuck you to the whole world. His eyes open and surprised as any kid’s, when Barret knows the shit he’s waded through. Makes him fit his hand around the back of Cloud’s neck, thumb sliding up into the barely-damp silky soft of his hair, makes Barret pull him down—careful, guiding—and makes him kiss the kid gentle. His mouth as startled as his eyes. Breath catching in his chest, his hands gripping Barret’s shoulders so tight they might well bruise, but—after a second—he sucks in air, closes his eyes, kisses back.

Given a hundred guesses in the couple months they’ve known each other, Barret wouldn’t have pegged the kid as clumsy. That’s all it is, though, as Barret pulls him in, and gets him to climb up onto Barret’s lap—barely covered by the towel—and urges his arms around Barret’s neck, and keeps kissing him. Clumsy and maybe nervous, too, like…

Barret drags his hand down Cloud’s back, feels all that silky skin. Muscle rippling as he shrugs his shoulders, knees spreading on the bed either side of Barret’s hips. Squirming already. Barret pulls away from his mouth and kisses his jaw—no stubble, really is soft as a girl—and the side of his throat under his ear, breathing hot there in a way that’s been pretty surefire over his many years of experience, and—yep, Cloud clutches a hand to the back of his head, makes this hitched trapped little not-a-sound, like he doesn’t want to be caught enjoying himself. “Been a while,” Barret says.

Half statement, half question. Cloud shivers when Barret applies light teeth to his collarbone and then pushes him back, blinking fast, chest heaving. Looks down, and so Barret does too, and—yeah, there it is. Pushing out the front of the towel, stiff when Barret lays his hand over it, rubs. There already, damn. Has been a long time. “You good for two?” Barret says.

Cloud’s ears have gone from pink to dark red, his mouth half-open. “I—” Can’t seem to finish. Shudders when Barret closes his hand through the towel, feels his dick that way. His hips curl in and he shakes his head but it’s not no, it’s—

“Well, let’s just see,” Barret says, his own dick surging thick. He squeezes again, easily handling the whole thing, lets Cloud push forward into him, and then he takes his hand away—wait, Cloud breathes, but Barret shushes him, says, “C’mon now, help me out,” and tugs at the towel, and Cloud blinks at him confused before he lifts up on his knees and drags the thing away, tosses it to the side, and—yeah, there it is, his dick flushed-pink and stiff and hot when Barret wraps his hand around it bare, tugs, thumbs over the head where it’s peeking out of his foreskin, makes the kid shudder shoulders to hips to thighs, quivering. Doesn’t seem to know how to handle it at all but it’s hot as fuck just for that—Barret wraps his bad arm around to brace as best he can, the socket probably digging cold into Cloud’s back but he doesn’t seem to care, since he arches, curls his hips in little spasms, humping into Barret’s hand, and he comes in a minute flat, his hands gripping Barret’s shoulders, his eyes screwed shut and his face almost in pain until he’s spurting between them, striping Barret’s bare chest white, his eyes flying wide and shocked like he didn’t know what was gonna happen, like it’s a surprise.

“Goddamn,” Barret says, and he says it admiring but Cloud bites his lips together, turns his face away. “Nah,” Barret says, quick, “nah, see—” and he squeezes Cloud’s dick again—still stiff, slick now, head shiny-pink and sensitive—flips his hand around and drags his bare palm down the spine of the thing, curls his fingers under the tight smooth little package of his balls, behind, almost to his asshole. Soft, hairless. Alien creature almost except that that’s real jizz on Barret’s belly and warm skin quivering against his and a real, normal expression as Cloud frowns, slides his eyes over. Embarrassed and wanting to be told it’s okay. “Hot as hell, man,” Barret says. He leaves off petting Cloud’s crotch and drags his hand over his own belly, white smearing in the hair. “Got a backlog for me?”

“Shut up,” Cloud says, breathless sort of, and when Barret grins at him he rolls his eyes but seems to settle, maybe. Dick softer but not all the way to soft—joys of youth, right there. Long time since Barret was twenty-one and he wouldn’t go back for love nor money, but there are some advantages. He raises his eyebrows, tips his chin up, and in his lap Cloud’s barely an inch higher than him but it’s nice, sweet almost, how the kid licks his lips, and clearly has to decide to lean down and offer the kiss Barret’s asking for. Makes this little sound in his chest when he does it. If they didn’t have a hell of a to-do list in real life Barret would want to book this stupid room out for a month and see what other sounds he could drag out, past all that try-hard coolness and pretending.

But that’s later, maybe, if ever, and his dick’s straining in real time right now. “So…” he says, leaning back.

Roll of thunder from the hotel’s stupid sound system. “So?” Cloud says, arching an eyebrow—oh, he has to have practiced that move in a mirror—but when Barret’s jaw drops because—he can’t seriously—Cloud’s mouth curves, and he looks all over Barret’s face, and then pushes him back, harder, not as strong as he could be but enough that Barret drops back to his elbows, spread out on the bed. He’s inspected, and it’d look like cool analysis except Cloud’s ears are still that telltale red and his chest is flushed nearly the same color as his cockhead, standing out plump. Feels weird except there’s that echo of all those post-fight cooldowns and that shower and seeing it right in the kid’s face, as he drags his eyes over Barret’s chest and his abs and down, to where there is most definitely a lump swelling out the front of his fatigues, about as up for it as he’s been in years.

“Wanna see?” Barret says. He knows the answer but it’s gratifying anyway to see Cloud nod, and lift up on his knees to make room, and to shove the waistband down one-handed and let his dick, ah, spring out into the open. More gratifying to see that stupid expression on the kid’s face again, what’d make Barret laugh out loud if he didn’t have the ounce of sense in his head that’s kept him alive all these years.

To his credit, Cloud may be clumsy but he sure as shit ain’t shy. He reaches down and gets Barret’s dick in this underhanded grip, not tight enough and not quite right but it’s a warm hand that’s not Barret’s own and that goes a hell of a long way toward making it a better day. Barret hums, approving. Watches, propped up, while Cloud tests the weight, the thickness. His hand closing around it but only just. Barret’s not exactly vain but even after all these years of messing around with people it still does something to him, just a little. Not the size of his own equipment but seeing how they react. How this one reacts, when Barret would’ve expected indifference at best, but instead his chest lifts on a deep breath and he licks his mouth and he looks downright wild, like he’s been starving and here’s a three-course meal laid out, all his for the taking.

Not that he’s doing much taking. “Don’t mean to rush you,” Barret lies.

Cloud’s eyes sweep up. “No wonder you make such dumb decisions,” he says, and squeezes—ah—right there under the head. Learns quick. “No way you got enough blood to run your brain and this thing at the same time.”

“I make it work,” Barret says, “and screw you besides, and—god damn, kid, if you don’t—”

Cloud grins at him—an honest-to-god toothy grin, like Barret’s never seen on that porcelain doll miserable little face—and drags his hand down, cups Barret’s nuts, takes a deep breath. Bites his lower lip then. “I want…” He shakes his head. “Shit. I don’t—”

“Anything’s good with me, man,” Barret says, meaning it, not least because his dick’s fuckin’ begging at this point, with warm weight in his lap and the anticipation winding his spine so tight he feels like a volcano desperate to burst.

A soft dragging thumb over his sack, more than filling Cloud’s palm. His fingertips trace a dragging little path through the bush, up the trail to Barret’s navel. Teeth back in his lip.

Barret lays his hand on Cloud’s belly. “‘Less you want me to handle it.” Flash of relief that makes Barret want to pat him on the friggin’ head like a little kid, which isn’t exactly the image he needs right now, but hell if ain’t hot in its way, too. Little fucker’s always hot, which is half of why they’re here in the first place. “Alright,” he says, sitting up, “watch and learn,” and Cloud rolls his eyes and starts to say, “Yeah, right—” except that Barret kisses him, and it’s muffled, and Cloud doesn’t seem to mind so much that he’s not allowed to finish it.

More thunder, more lightning-strike coursing through the room. Barret hitches Cloud closer, holding him tight at the small of his back, their dicks pressing together—ah—sweet. Cloud’s hips curl in, instinct, hardening up for real again, especially when Barret kisses his throat, and his collarbone, and his absurdly pale nipple, lapping and making it tight as a bullet, provoking one of those tiny choked not-sounds that makes Barret lift his head and say, “Kid, how’m I ‘sposed to know if it’s good if you won’t let it out,” and Cloud blinks at him empty-headed until Barret drags his thumb over the nipple again, deliberately rough over the wet skin, and gets this hurt little grunt and Cloud tightening his thighs around Barret’s hips and, yeah, his dick all the way hard, ready to go again. He closes his hand around both their dicks and Cloud spasms, breath heavy, grabbing Barret’s biceps as much as he can. Looks down between them and so Barret does, too, and it’s—yeah, something else, to see the contrast. Not like Cloud’s got anything to be embarrassed about, it’s a nice little handful, pretty as a picture like every other damn thing about him, but pressed together Cloud’s all rosy petite pink to thick hefty dark, silk-smooth to hairy-rough, and the size—”What’s that, half?” Barret says, not mocking or teasing but just knowing, somewhere in the pit of his gut, that it’ll make Cloud—yeah, let out this thin whining moan, his fingers tracing the thick vein up the side of Barret’s shaft, kissing the head, feeling how much bigger. “You got it bad, kid,” Barret says, grinning, and Cloud pushes up and kisses him, to shut him up maybe, but Barret doesn’t mind that, either.

He meant it when he said he didn’t want to tease, though. He gets his hand under Cloud’s ass and flips them, gets Cloud’s thighs spread around his hips, his head tipping back on the bed, spread like an offering. Touches Cloud’s nuts again—one leaping in the sack, damn he’s hot for it—and then behind, and then back all the way, rubbing, a test. “You done this before?”

Cloud, staring up at the canopy. Expression flickers, strange. Nervous? “I…”

Barret presses with his middle finger, testing. “Don’t want to break you in half, Cloud,” he says. “Be honest on this one.”

Strange look in Cloud’s eye when he lifts his head. “We got materia for that, right?”

“Shit,” Barret says, imagination leaping in again—and the idea of being so up for it that he’d hurt that much, just to get it in, to get there—but no, no, not this time—god, he hopes soon, but not this time. He leans down and kisses Cloud again just for thinking it and then lifts up, grabs Cloud’s hip, flips him over—his dick leaping and crying at how easy the kid goes to his belly, letting Barret handle him like it’s nothing when he’s such a prickly bitch the rest of the time—and he shudders, gathers his elbows under him, braces like he’s ready for pain, like that’s all he’s expecting. But, no—Barret’s leaking he’s so ready, he’s been waiting long enough, and he can’t quite explain like he oughta but they’ve been working together long enough he’s got to trust that Cloud can follow his lead—he braces his socket by Cloud’s shoulder, spits in his palm and slicks his dick, pulls Cloud’s hips up—the kid going with it, because he’s crazy as hell—and it feels wild just to slide his cockhead against the kid’s pretty white ass, splitting the cheeks, dragging wet, pressing forward all the way so his pubes are crushed in against the pale skin and his cock’s dripping over the small of his back. Cloud’s back heaves as he drags in air, his hips tipping up. “Just—just do it—” he says, gasped thin, and Barret does pull back, dick gliding maddeningly up so close to what he can imagine would be heaven, furled tight, pale and small like the rest of him—but he ain’t an actual all-the-way bastard and so he just pushes forward, sliding his dick up between Cloud’s thighs, bulling past his sack, dragging where he’s warm and smooth and feels plenty good.

“Like that,” Barret says. Panting already, shit. Cloud looks over his shoulder, frowning muzzily, mouth open. Barret slides two fingers in and Cloud blinks at him, lets Barret drag sloppy over his tongue, and only seems to get it when a wet grip closes over his dick, Barret’s hand covering the whole thing again, curling down to touch, shit, his own dick pushing forward between Cloud’s thighs. “Close ‘em tight, huh?”

He stares over his shoulder, shuffles his knees together, makes it—tight, not slick enough but tight, hell—and then licks his own hand, reaches down, lets Barret push forward into his palm, cups and makes a tunnel for Barret to push into, knocking Barret into the underside of his own dick, taking Barret’s lead, arching his back and pushing his ass back so their hips clap together, so close to fucking for real that Barret almost doesn’t miss the real thing. Except—”Next time, baby,” he says, and his nuts surge at how Cloud’s eyes do that startle-flash, “next time, huh? I’ll get in there like you want. Spread you wide. You want that? Want me in there?”

No response but he hardly expected one. Cloud’s breathing harder than he ever does in the middle of a fight, squeezing Barret’s dick when it fills his hand, his head dropping between his shoulders, his bare shoulders and neck the perfect target for Barret to sink his teeth in—oh, and that gets a real moan, Barret’s mouth on the vulnerable knob at the top of his spine, his whole body sinking, knees sliding on the plush coverlet. Barret closes his thighs around Cloud’s, keeps him steady, bracing—the hot tunnel hotter now, sweat and smearing, Cloud’s small hand knocking them together, and Barret reaches down and covers Cloud’s hand, their fingers lacing, pressing up tight and close to Cloud’s belly, feeling how close he is with his nuts tight against the base of his little dick—”Shit, kid, you gonna beat me there?” Barret says, rough, laying flat out almost on his back. Cloud shakes his head, but just confused seems like, this whining high edge lacing every breath. Barret grins, hooks his chin over Cloud’s shoulder, breathes hot against the sweating curve of his throat. “Yeah, you are, aren’t you? C’mon, now. I’m in charge. You show me how good it feels.” Cloud presses back into him, his back curved up into Barret’s chest, his face turning so Barret can kiss his jaw, nose against his cheek. “Yeah, you got it. Now you just gotta let it go. That’s an order, SOLDIER.”

The sound Cloud makes could make Barret cream himself if he were lost in a snowfield, half-dead and unsure if help were ever gonna come. As is the kid shudders, lurching between Barret and the bed, his hand flashing back to grab Barret’s hip and pull him in harder, unnaturally strong, grip hard enough it’ll bruise. Barret takes over, cupping his spurting dick for the second time—shit, load feels as thick and strong as it was on the first go, he really does have a backlog—and it’s right there in the base of his spine, this coiling tense thing building up like reaching his limit in a fight, his balls clutching up and his dick swelling and he sinks his teeth into Cloud’s shoulder not to shout to the whole damn hotel and—ah, finally—

Dizzy for a few seconds. Fuck, it has been a long time since it was anything other than his left hand. He re-arrives in his brain in stages: loosening his jaw, and taking a deep breath, and flexing his cramped knuckles. Everything slick, sweet, enough to fuck carefully forward and smear around, making it last. Cloud’s hand’s locked onto his hip but Barret shifts his weight on his bad arm, making enough room that he can be sure the kid can take a full breath. Toothmarks in a ring on his shoulder. Barret kisses there, and then blows cool air, and is glad Cloud’s still got his face buried in his own folded elbow when he shivers all over, because hell if Barret’s gonna be able to hide the grin on that one. He really doesn’t want to tease, not yet, but he’s getting enough material for a year, here.

Speaking of—”You gotta let me go,” Barret says. Cloud makes a dazed little huh? and Barret honestly could scoop him into a bear hug. “Need my leg back here, man. We gotta clean up.”

Cloud turns his head. “Right,” he says, weak, and unclamps his hand and his thighs both, stretching out under Barret’s body.

Barret presses up on his elbow and Cloud shivers, again, muscle jumping in his thighs. Easy to urge him over, a clumsy tumble of elbows and sleek white body under Barret’s bulk, although he seems nervous, for some reason. Barret knocks his chin up with two fingers and Cloud meets his eyes. Not startled and not fuck you and not dead indifferent but some other thing entirely. “So,” Barret says. He raises his eyebrows. “That suck?”

Cloud blinks at him, lips parted, and then huffs, one of those tiny smiles starting at the corner of his mouth. “Guess not.”

“Oh, he guesses,” Barret says. He slides his thumb under Cloud’s lower lip, fair warning, and leans down slow, and is rewarded by Cloud lifting up a half-inch to meet him. Slow, sticky kiss. Soft. When Barret lifts up again Cloud looks like he could get knocked over with a feather. Cute as hell, which wasn’t how Barret expected to feel after a mutual relaxation attempt but—shit, he’ll take it. He pushes up on his good arm. “Maybe next time we don’t gotta deal with a haunted hotel for atmosphere.”

“Next time,” Cloud repeats, in a strange tone. His eyes drop from Barret’s mouth to his chest to his dick, laying soft but still thick up against Cloud’s hipbone, and his jaw clenches, and his eyes are more what Barret’s used to when he looks back up and says, “Just because you’re scared of the robot.”

“Hey, now,” Barret says, pushing upright. He lifts a finger. “Not scared. Creeped. The thing’s creepy. You just ain’t creeped because you got twenty screws loose.”

Cloud sits up, rolls his eyes. “Sure,” he says. Still with that little smile.

Thunder, again. Cloud glances at the window, sighs. Something settling over his shoulders, again, but—Barret thinks, maybe—a little less. He hopes. Or, shit, maybe not helped at all, but mutual orgasms rarely made things worse, in his experience. He ducks back into the stupid haunted bathroom, mops up. Buttons his trousers one-handed and shrugs back into his shirt and vest and brings a wet washrag out to where Cloud’s still sitting on the edge of the bed, naked and gleaming, rubbing his forehead. Hell of a sight but Barret’s got to put it away. For a while, anyway.

“I’m going to see what’s going on in this shitshow,” he says, tossing the rag. Cloud catches it, easy. “You should rest. Some shut-eye’ll do you good. Maybe you’ll be a little less weird, huh?”

Cloud’s shoulders curve in. “Maybe,” he says. Really does sound tired. Barret grabs his gun, braces it against the table until the main latch clicks and then twists his arm, locking it in place, spinning the bolts along the socket. He’s had a lot of practice. Cloud watches, holding the rag in both hands, and then says, “Hey. You mean that? About—about next time.”

Sitting there, not quite looking Barret in the eye, he looks… his age. Barret flexes his arm, makes sure the gun’s properly in place, and then picks up Cloud’s chin again, makes him look all the way up. One of the prettiest things Barret’s ever seen, truly. Lifetime to date. “I think just about any time you want it, you tell me, and barring the world blowin’ up and days needin’ saved I’ll drop trou and do my best. Won’t have to pay me no two grand, neither.”

No smile, but this little nod against Barret’s hand. Like it’s a bargain made, either way.

“Good, then,” Barret says, and lets the kid go, and walks over to the door. When he looks back Cloud seems a little more like the merc he hired all those weeks ago. Just naked, in more ways than one. He points, makes his voice firm. “Get some sleep.”

“Sure, boss,” Cloud says, dry, and Barret leaves the suite before he can do any damn-fool thing like go back over there and cover the kid with his body and drum up the enthusiasm to do the whole thing over again.

He stands in the corridor, not really taking in the stupid black velvet and the dripping sconces and the spooky organ music piped from the ceiling. His body relaxed, even if the problems of the planet are flooding back up to the top of his mind. Responsibility and history settling down in their accustomed yoke. He shrugs his shoulders, takes it. Thinks maybe it won’t be so long until there’s a little more downtime, to make the load easier to bear.

#cloud/barret #final fantasy vii #my writing #this is a real shot in the dark #and i know no one follows for this stuff #but seriously: i have loved this game since 1997 #these characters are in my veins #i have needed barret to top the shit out of cloud since approx '97 as well #doesn't get all the way there this time #but maybe in a future fic #also: it's amazing how much of a mental break this felt like #i have like 1 mil+ words of spn fic on ao3 #this is the writing equivalent of a trip to costa del sol

[izzythehutt]

Johnny and Carmen are very cute together, right? Because I’m kinda into them as a couple

I think they are underrated. I frequently see people complain that Carmen is just a prop for Johnny's story (as if every character on the show isn't, at some level, serving his story) and that it's wildly unrealistic for her to be interested in him/"she could do so much better!" based on the age gap and Johnny's questionable life decisions and history.

Carmen really didn't like him much in season 1 (she literally called him a loser and a bad influence), reluctantly agreed to go out with him in S2, and broke things off with him multiple times in seasons 2-4. If you think she's blind to his faults or just exists to boost his character's ego, I question your viewer comprehension. I think the show benefited from the gradual build-up of this dynamic and him slowly winning her over with his dogged devotion to her family (and his occasional small and big screw-ups which derail things between them.)

My own life experiences color my view of them, because my very beautiful mother was divorced in her late 20s and dated through her 30s before she remarried, and a lot of Carmen's character feels very true to my own childhood experiences. Being a single mom really does change one's dating prospects, and my own mother had several serious long-term relationships with men that had...basically the same age gap that Johnny and Carmen share. So I don't find Carmen having a bad track record with romance and falling for an older man with some parallel baggage particularly shocking or unrealistic.

I similarly find the idea that Carmen's attraction to Johnny being connected to him being a good male role model to her son somehow diminishes her character....asinine? That is very true to real life. That is, in fact, a major factor in choosing a romantic partner for somebody with kids. That was the point of the douchey Graham character from the end of S2—that he really didn't care about her mother or son, and that's why it's enjoyable watching Johnny beat him up as opposed to the incredibly shocking line-cross such behavior would be in real life, lmao. Carmen is probably never going to find someone who loves her kid as much as Johnny does, his many other faults aside. That's not the only reason to get with someone, but it's a huge factor in building a life together.

(I've always seen Carmen as being physically attracted to Johnny against her own better judgement, side-note.)

Anyway, very interested to see how they handle the blended family dynamic in S5.

#carmen diaz #johnny lawrence #cobra kai #asks #jarmen

[blubushie]

I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS. whats your favorite candy? do you like steaks? how do you like steaks? dont say rare. no one likes them rare. what do you get at starbucks? do they even HAVE starbucks in australia? whats your favorite show? whats your favorite movie? whats your favorite song? what music do you like to listen to? can you dance? can you SING? whats your favorite model of car? dont say whatever it is sniper drives.

Bring on the questions!

What's your favourite lolly?

For lollies, I'd kill for sour gummy worms. As a nipper I loved Hershey's chocolate so much that I named my childhood dog Hershey. My favourite chocolate is peanut butter cups.

Do you like steaks? How do you like steaks? Don't say rare. No one likes them rare.

Get fucked, I like mine rare. I want that cunt so rare it's mooing. (Really, though, I do like my steaks rare.)

What do you get at Starbucks? Do they even HAVE Starbucks in Australia?

We do! It's always either the chocolate croissant or the bacon, egg, and cheese brekkie roll. I don't eat out much lmao

What's your favourite show?

Right now it's 1923 (Spencer Dutton my beloved) but since we're between seasons I'd say The Mandalorian. I don't watch much TV and that's the only two shows currently airing that I can name lmao. My dad's the one what got me into 1923 because he knows I love stockman shit and then he found out Spencer is a bit of a bushie like me and he buzzed me going "BLU THERE'S A NEW SHOW ON! YEAH IT'S A SPIN-OFF OF YELLOWSTONE! YEAH THERE'S A HANDSOME MAN ON THERE AND I KNOW YOU LIKE MEN BECAUSE YOU'RE A LITTLE FA-"

What's your favourite movie?

Bugger me. Growing up it was Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron because I was that weird kid obsessed with horses. (I still love horses.) Now? It's still probably Spirit. And Prince of Egypt. For comedy it's Crocodile Dundee 1 or 2 (my favourite it 2 and we don't talk about 3).

What's your favourite song? What music do you like to listen to?

I'm a sucker for Australian country (Slim Dusty), bush ballads (also Slim Dusty), and folk songs (again, Slim Dusty). Lately I've been singing Moreton Bay when I'm working, or Fields of Athenry. That said I also like rock and old (40s-80s) American country (Merle Haggard, Johnny Cash, George Jones, etc). There's almost some traditional pop (Tom Jones, Frank Sinatra). I like most stuff 80s and older, I suppose. As for my favourite song, normally I'd say Waltzing Matilda but that's a mite cliché innit so fuck you I'm not saying Waltzing Matilda. Letter from Down Under makes my eyes water so let's go with that. For a "modern" song, I've had Dear Rodeo stuck in my head for the past few days.

The one that always picks my spirits up is Down Under, of course.

Can you dance?

I have all the swagger of an emu on roller skates. I can slow dance (cheers Mum) but I have zero dancing ability outside of that.

Can you SING?

Yeah, when I was in high school in the states I actually performed at Carnegie Hall in New York with Eric Whitacre and the rest of my choir group. I met a famous composer so that's my claim to fame. My favourite we performed was The Seal Lullaby. I'm a tenor when I sing but on rare occasions I can sing countertenor when needed. My chest voice is baritone.

What's your favourite model of car? Don't say whatever it is Sniper drives.

Get fucked, it's a 1965 Land Rover Series IIA. Not really. It's a 1957 Cadillac Eldorado Brougham.

If I could though I would 100% buy a 1965 Land Rover Series IIA ute-type. Actually I'd prefer the II model instead of the IIA because I like how the horn on the II model branches off of the steering column like windscreen wipers on a modern car. Gives it a neat look.

(Also Land Rovers are fucking invincible.)

#blu whos

[overthinkingtaleblr]

My Katrina Headcanon Masterlist

Well, as the first one I've done since my Kermit the Claw masterlist, I think it's important to come back with a bang, and what's more of a bang than the queen of uncertain canon herself, Katrina!! There is so little about her in the actual channel that she is practically a fandom-made creation aside from her name, and that will not stop me from absolutely adoring her anyways.

Who she is, her real connection to Ghost and why even her image is enough to make him terrified, whether she is an actual ghost or not isn't even really confirmed. There is so much opportunity and I'm happy to cast in my two cents ^^

History HCs

Since Katrina is so varied in how people talk about her, I think it's only fair to give lip-service to multiple ideas of who she might be, whether it fits specifically into my other ideas for her or not. Everything with a star next to it (*) is a headcanon my other family headcanons for Katrina hold up with. Otherwise, I’ll go into more detail. These are how I would work with the hcs, but remember that it’s different for everyone!

Ghost's Close Childhood Friend*

In this history, Katrina has lived in the same town her whole life, never going beyond it. A bit rambunctious, Katrina tended to have a hard time fitting in with the others around them. Being the only girl in a large house of boys, aside from her mom, she was expected to act a certain way, wear dresses, not play in mud, none of which really called to her. She preferred roughhousing with her brothers or getting lost in the woods to playing alone with her dolls in the corner of her house.

She was in second grade when she first met Johnny Ghost (the Second), an odd boy with distant eyes who the teacher warned the class to give some space. Of course, this meant that everyone crowded around him the first chance they got, to size him up and figure out how much he’d manage to fit in. Not well, he was already loud and overly confident in the opinion of the other 8-year-olds, leaving him struggling to make friends. Katrina was there to hear some other kids try to break through to them, hearing them point out how Ghost was a really weird last name. Johnny replied by saying it made perfect sense, actually, since his dad was a paranormal investigator… and then had to explain what that meant to them. Katrina was awestruck at the job description— traveling around, saving lives, busting ghosts, what’s not to love? She introduced herself on the spot and demanded to learn more.

She and Ghost stuck together through the years, even as Johnny 2 and Ronnie joined the group, but Kat and Ghost lived closest and the two would often meet up for secret ghost-hunting scouting missions. While Ghost and Toast did most the actual hunting of ghosts, Katrina’s favorite part was the investigation and learning more about the situation. She was a little bit of a snoop, not being able to tell when enough information was enough and when to leave well enough alone… and that’s probably where it went wrong.

Some time after Toast left, after Ghost’s dog went suddenly missing after Halloween, Ghost signaled for Katrina to meet up with him on a ghost scouting mission late at night… which wouldn’t be too unusual, but Ghost had that same distant look in his eye he had on his first day of school. Kat knew something was wrong, but she couldn’t sit by and let whatever it was happen. Not even stopping to take off her nightgown, she slipped on her shoes and a jacket and followed her friend, like she had a million times before. She didn’t return.

Ghost's First Friend After Toast Left*

A loner more close to their brothers than anyone else, Kat was 15 before meeting Ghost for the first time, only getting introduced to him when they transferred to high school… though the kid was already well-known across the school system. Allegedly, he was loud and bombastic, but had a tendency to sneak into places or break things and blame it on the supernatural. While Katrina was interested in the idea of the supernatural as a kid, that kind of faded away after learning that Santa was just their dad in a beard and the tooth fairy was their mom sneaking into their room. That didn’t stop Kat from shooing some bullies away from the kid when they saw how frail he was.

Even after saving his butt, Kat was unashamed to admit to Johnny Ghost that they had heard of him when they first met him, referring to him and the ghost-hunting kid. They didn’t know about his dad, who he was insistent had a real job and was changing real lives with his work. While they tried to be polite about it, Kat saw it more as an interesting idea and something to make a quick buck off of through showmanship and lies than an actual thing that could save lives. Ghost promised them that he’d be able to prove to them that not only were ghosts real, but that his dad was doing something real, and the two agreed to the bet.

Kat was showered with information, videos Johnny recorded himself while out and about, old artifacts his dad brought back to him from missions, first-hand accounts recorded from someone else reading verbatim. None of it really swayed Kat, but their interest was completely restored, and they agreed to work with Ghost in the coming future on his projects and ideas, helping him find things and weeding out what was clearly lies for attention. The two families entirely started growing closer from the kids hanging out, with Johnny Ghost Senior even offering to give one of his friends who owned a business a good reference for Kat’s oldest brother. Overall, it was lovely. They even got to meet Toast over the phone! (The two had a passionate debate over radio).

Then, some time after both Kat and Ghost had a family member mysteriously pass away, Ghost approached Kat, saying they knew how to convince them that the paranormal was real. Kat was a little annoyed he was bringing up that old debate when they were working with him anyways, but shrugged and agreed to check it out. Part of them actually wanted to believe they could see their brother again, that Ghost would be able to see his dad. While Jimmy Casket exploited this hope to lure them away from safety, he technically wasn’t lying. There was nothing they could deny anymore.

Ghost's Friend Who Does Not Care For Ghosts*

The pair likely met in some form of therapy early on in Ghost’s recovery from his experiences with CBF, Katrina being a kid in the neighborhood who had seen and survived some things in the past.

She knew that ghosts were real, and it terrified her. It kept her awake at night both wondering if there were any ghosts around her… and if she would become a ghost when she passed. Ghost drew her attention by saying that his dad was a paranormal investigator, and soon she felt he was the safest person to be around in case of emergency. The two became friends, bonding over their shared trauma first, then their shared taste in shows and other medias popular at the time. As school went on, she would read books to him, and he would tell her how to handle bullies. She and Toast met, but when she found out they were friends through ghost hunting, she became uncomfortable and stopped wanting to hang out with him.

In her opinion, the ghost hunting was and would always be a bad idea, especially after all the paranormal situations Ghost barely lived through. Sometimes, even years later, Ghost has to consider if she had a point. It wasn’t just because she feared ghosts, but because she recognized that if they were really the spirits of people, then all ghosts are human, and should be considered human… even if she struggled to do that.

This time, she isn’t lured away or killed by Jimmy Casket. This time, she found herself trapped in a place that Ghost was investigating, still in early PIE and before Toast was around full-time. She was in hysterics, having never wanted to have been there to begin with, and the ghost took advantage of that to torment her. Using manipulation and fear tactics, it managed to get Ghost himself to severely hurt her, which led Ghost to abandon the case to get her to safety. She was taken to a hospital but didn’t survive her wounds.

Ghost’s First Partner*

Between Kat and Toast, Ghost was starting to consider he may have a thing for black hair and blue eyes. And boys.

None of this was the reason why they died, but when Toast moved back home, Ghost got anxious about Kat one day leaving too and managed the courage to ask him on a date. The two were managing to do the couple thing pretty good for their first time, both even being present at Toast’s wedding, but it couldn’t last forever. Not because they broke up, of course, but because Kat suddenly passed away. Even if Ghost wasn’t responsible, he still finds a way to blame himself.

Ghost’s Cousin*

One day, her uncles Ghost were childless, the next they had a boy her age. She considered that the most evident sign that they had some involvement with witchcraft, even if that was a secret she kept to herself. She didn’t know where he came from or why he was so standoffish at first, but she managed to break through to him, and became excited to see her new cousin every time she got the chance. He came to accept her company before anyone else in the family, making her death all the more painful for him.

Gregory’s Sister

The oldest child of T.Casket, Katrina took after her mother more so than her father, which he was okay with. Present when her dad was recording and planning episodes of his ghost hunting show, Katrina has been immortalized on those tapes as the little girl the team would watch while planning how to do their next mission. She would color on the ghost reports and listen intently to their plans for their next mission. She loved the camera, and would talk into it as she got older, insisting that she always knew what she was talking about. Much like her father and little brother, Katrina had confidence for miles.

Katrina was much too invested in her own ideas and things to entertain little Gregory all the time, nor did she feel it was her responsibility, so she allowed him to grow obsessed with an imaginary friend she didn’t believe in to give her more space while her father was out. She was always too busy to watch him, or she would say she was. Whether it be school work or something else, she always had a reason not to keep a close eye on him… which was alright, since she was too young to actually babysit.

When CBF reared its head, she didn’t understand why Gregory was so enamored by it, calling it a monster or a demon. It got frustrated with her screams quickly, and threw her away, like a child would do to a doll it grew to hate. Gregory didn’t realize what he saw until later, forgetting out of shame.

Gregory’s Mother

Gregory never really met her, only seeing her in pictures and hearing of her in whispers, but when Ghost saw her floating there on Hell’s Island, he knew her immediately. Even with all his missing memories and forgotten past, he recognized her, despite having never seen her since he was a baby. He doesn’t know what happened to her, he barely knows she existed to begin with, but she was the reason he was alive, and sometimes he tries to fight to remember more.

Casket’s First Victim (or first victim he remembers killing)

They were strangers, she had never met the boy in her life, but his red eyes faded to their natural color while she was still breathing.

He isn’t all there as he tries to stop the bleeding, telling her to wait while he went to find help, coated in her blood as he tried. She was never able to get a word in, and he was never able to get the help he promised her. Trying to keep him in check, Casket keeps these memories away from him, as every time he really considers them, Ghost realizes that wasn’t the only time and starts to remember and realize he may be possessed.

——

I don’t think that Katrina is a ghost, even with all these different stories. I believe that if she ever was one, she was able to move on and find peace despite it all, and forgave Ghost for what he did. That being said: she can still come back (happened to Maxwell). But what about the specter of Katrina from canon? That was the Housekeeper playing tricks on PIE, using someone who Ghost used to care about or in some way hurt him to manipulate him and try to get him to either turn around or suffer the consequences. For a moment, it did convince him that she was back, and that he was either in danger or putting her in danger by being there, but he pushed on regardless.

Trivia

Katrina in most of my own things is Katrina Roast, however it also makes sense for her brother to be Johnny Evans since Roast actually comes from a nickname he had, not his actual name.

I use many pronouns and identities for Katrina bc i think it’s the most fun to consider their gender to be fluid and different depending on what I think would be the most impactful for a story. I meant to use more they/thems and he/hims, but I wasn’t sure how to explain it ^^;

Relationship HCs

- Gregory/Johnny Ghost

Whoever he was, however they knew each other, they were close, close enough so that losing her would hurt. And, no matter what, he will always blame himself for what happened to her. Whether she returned as a ghost or not, whether she passed peacefully or not, whether Ghost even remembers her death or if Casket was too involved— he knows enough to struggle with the memory.

- Johnny Roast*

Her older brother when applicable, Roast is the first person who will always reaffirm to Ghost that yes, he is the sole reason that his baby sister is dead now. He knows how close Ghost and Katrina were, and even in situations where she suddenly went missing, he knows that the only way that something like this could happen would be through the instigation of someone as close to Katrina as Ghost. In some cases, he may even be the one to find the body. Frequently, he is losing his older brother in the same timeframe, making him more volatile toward Ghost.

Song HCs

- Amnesia Was Her Name - Lemon Demon

Shared with Ghost, Katrina is amnesia.

#taleblr #taleblr Katrina #Katrina roast #taleblr pie #taleblr masterlist #character masterlist #headcanon masterlist

[mountain-in-springtime]

i was tagged by my darling @loser-user-noaccuser (thanks for the tag love) so let’s go!

(i’m also gonna tag @takenbythelightfantastic @shutupdevvie and @myfriendtheghost but if you see this and i didn’t tag you, feel free to participate anyway!)

what book are you currently reading? i just started shady hollow: a murder mystery by juneau black. i’ve been meaning to read it for ages, so i’m excited to finally get around to it. 

what’s your favorite movie you saw in theatres this year? this is really hard to pick because i did see a lot of films this year, most of them screenings of older movies. my top three are probably labyrinth, goodfellas, and rear window. i do feel that elvis deserves an honorable mention as well because i did really enjoy that and it made me cry multiple times. 

what do you usually wear? it depends on the day. if i’m at home i just wear athletic tights and a t shirt, but if i’m going to class i’ll throw on a cardigan as well and sometimes wear jeans instead of tights.

how tall are you? i’m 5′3″ 

what’s your star sign? do you share a birthday with a celebrity or historical event? i’m a pisces! i also share a birthday with johnny cash and victor hugo (and i’m one day away from sharing one with george harrison)

do you go by your name or nickname? they’re pretty interchangeable tbh. some people call me mallorie, but just as many call me mal. 

did you grow up to be what you wanted to be as a kid? yes and no. i think that who i am as a person is the type of individual that i’ve always been and wanted to be, but in the tangible sense of a career, lifestyle, etc., i’m still in a transitional period of my life and can’t say yet if i’ll reach the more material goals set by my childhood self. 

are you in a relationship? if not who is your crush if you have one? i’m not in a relationship, and i don’t really have any crushes aside from my multiple famous/fictional/tumblr mutual babygirls. 

what’s something you are good at vs something you are bad at? ever since i was a child, i’ve been pretty talented in the arts (singing, acting, visual art, etc.) and i did really well in school, but i am absolutely terrible at sports or really anything atheltic. 

dogs or cats? both! although i don’t know if i could live without a dog.

if you draw/write or create in anyway what’s your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you have created this year? it’s definitely this (technically unfinished) painting that i did of george harrison at the beginning of the year. i consider it one of my best works to date, and it was done at a time when i was really deep into a beatles phase so i think my love of the band and george really manifested into the work. 

what’s something you’d like to create content for? oh my gosh there’s so many things. i’m really big into any kind of pop culture/media so i draw a lot of celebrities that i love and things like that. i’d really like to continue to make art that shows my love of the beatles, but i would like to branch out into making art for some of my other loves like john denver, gvf, and the muppets. i’d also love to give writing fanfic for any of the fandoms i’m in a try.

what’s something you are currently obsessed with? well i’m obviously obsessed with the beatles and gvf, but i also adore john denver, the solo works of all the beatles, the muppets, the simpsons, film (particularly old hollywood and 80s films), and a million other things. i’ve also been hyperfixating on seinfeld a bit lately bc that’s the show i’m currently watching. 

what’s something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year? i think every year i convince myself that i’ll make new irl friends and finally have a full friend group or even get into a relationship, but that never really happens much. (although i am thankful for all of the darling friends i have made on tumblr. y’all mean so much to me.) i also went see paul mccartney in concert this year and while it was amazing and by no means disappointing, it didn’t hold the life-changing gravity that i thought it would, and it almost made me a bit sad because it reminded me how much time has passed since the beatles and that the people that i really care about won’t be around forever. 

what’s a hidden talent of yours? i’m pretty good at impressions! i can do a lot of them, but some of my favorites are miss piggy, cher, bob dylan, chubby checker (specifically singing the twist), a ton of simpsons characters, jerry seinfeld and jimmy stewart. (the last two aren’t always great but they really make me laugh.)

are you religious? yes, but it’s a bit complicated. i was raised catholic, but i find that i don’t agree with all of the teachings of the catholic church, so now i’m trying to find where i stand in the religious community and where my beliefs and morals fit. it’s something i’m working on and figuring out as i go along. 

what’s something that you wish to have at this moment? happiness, love, and peace

#thanks so much again to shae for the tag #this was so much fun #also sorry if i got too emotional or whatever #mal lore

[kurffufle]

Outsiders hc:

What the gang had as a childhood pet

Ponyboy:

Two male Guinea pigs

Probably named them pony jr and boy jr

Now the he has a border collie

Soda pop (other than his horse)

Always wanted a dog

Never got one

Had several hamsters as a kid

Named them all after his favorite sodas (Pepsi was his favorite hamster and the first one he had)

Darrel

Didn’t really want any pets as a kid

But he now has a Great Dane

It’s the kinda dog you look at and go “yea that’s Darry’s dog right there”

He got him as a teenager

It’s kinda old and the gang jokes about how “it aged with him”

His name is frank(I decided that just now)

Johnny

So you know those huge ass rabbits,yea he had one of those

It had fur like his eyes,dark and full

Also a pet you’d look at and go “that Johnnys rabbit”

You know how someone cats can have shadow fur,like it’s completely black but when it sheds it sheds white fur,yea well he had that but in rabbit fur

His parents got rid of it because they didn’t want it anymore and Johnny cried abt it

He had it from when he was 7-12

Now he likes stray ally cats and regular brings them home and takes care of them

Steve

He didn’t have I childhood pet

But he has a pitbull now so it’s ok

Two bit

He’s allergic

But not so allergic that he can’t be around pets he just can’t have them

Dallas

He had a massive dog as a kid

He used to use it as a pillow

It died tragically

He never wants to speak of it

Doesn’t have any pets because of it

#the outsiders #the outsiders (1983) #dallas winston #lgbtq #ponyboy curtis #johnny cade #sodapop curtis #darrel curtis #steve randle #two bit mathews

[lt-sarai]

Last song I listened to: fuck Idk something in the truck. It wasn't this one but the last one I remember hearing was, I think, Sad But True by Metallica?

Ideal pizza toppings: It's just cheese, man.

Dream vacation: Fucking Hawaii. I just need to go there.

Earth, wind, or fire: Idk man I think the only song I know is September.

Cartoon I grew up with: ???? kinda question is this? favorite? longest? I grew up with so many. Nickelodeon was my shit. I was there when Cartoon Network got big. Cartoons were my LIFE. I didn't read as a kid! I watched cartoons like a robot. Rugrats. Dexter's Lab. Cow and Chicken. Johnny Bravo. 2 Stupid Dogs. I am Weasel. Courage the Cowardly Dog. Doug. Ren and Stimpy. Rocko's Modern Life. CatDog. The Wild Thornberrys. Rocket Power. As Told by Ginger. Jimmy Neutron. Invader Zim. Danny Phantom. Hey Arnold! Aaahh! Real Monsters! Angry Beavers. I liked some more than others, and I have different favorites now than I did then bc more have come out, but I grew up with cartoons, man. Cartoons shaped me as a person. But for real though if I had to pick a childhood favorite, probably Rugrats.

Favorite scents: Leather, bookstore with coffee shop air. Scents I would buy: cucumber melon, Bath and Body Works Winter Candy Apple, maintstays candle cranberry mandarin. There's also a B&BW candle in Champagne Margarita that I only found once and I DO NOT remember what season it was available but I need like 50 of them.

#how dare you ask me vague questions about cartoons I grew up with #be more specific next time XD

[baddiedaddy7]

𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑠🌞💛

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐹𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

may come off as cheery, and warm. might also come off as full of themselves. resembles father very much, and may be very attached to him. father may have been quick to anger, childish, or athletic. father may have aries in chart. you probably have great skin, and your hair may be your trademark. average-tall height.you may have aries traits/vibes. people may be able to tell what your sign is with ease. may come off as too strong for some.

celebrities:Scarlett Johansson, Zooey Deschanel, Bradley Cooper, Bruce Lee

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑆𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑑 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

probably buys expensive things. likes things of high quality. father may have been stable, and spent money a lot. father may have taurus in chart. you may love or hate “healthy” food, pastries or spicy foods. might be great at acting, dancing, or being funny. stingy. you may have taurus traits/vibes. probably loves strong perfumes. sexual. work ethic is great. pragmatic

celebrities:Paris Hilton, Sandra Bullock, Ryan Reynolds, Robert De Niro

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑟𝑑 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

can probably debate without stuttering/confident during debates.learns rapidly. great conversationalists. attention span is brief. might have more brothers, than sisters. siblings may have sun/leo energy. you may have gemini traits/vibes. voice is full of confidence. father may have been talkative, but emotionally afar. father may have gemini im chart. you probably hate or get annoyed when getting anything below an A at school lmao. probably popular at school.

celebrities:Elizabeth Taylor, Britney Spears, Jim Carrey, Drake

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐹𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑡ℎ 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

may prefer a house of lighter colors(esp yellow or orange). cinnamon candles may lay around the house. popular among the fam. may have had deep pressure from family to be something special. might be the favorite child. may have cancer traits/vibes. taught to be self reliant from a young age. father may be overprotective, and nurturing. father may have cancer in chart. you might’ve been bossy, sassy, and over dramatic as a kid lmao. attention lover, feeling like nobody pays attention to them makes them depressed. affectionate heart fr. very caring.

celebrities:Tina Turner, Megan Fox, Pablo Picasso, Tim Burton

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐹𝑖𝑓𝑡ℎ 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

has a variety of music taste/likes multiple genres. first child is most likely gonna be male and/or have leo/sun in chart. kids may love being around you in general. your kids may be in plays at school. you may have leo traits/vibes. may love to party. most likely extroverted. fun lovers. attracts ppl w/leo traits or may have leo traits in the dating scene (confident, melodramatic, etc). father was full of pride, and warm but probably controlling. your hobbies range from shopping, singing, art, etc. has a knack for social events. charismatic

celebrities:Katie Holmes, Dolly Parton, Will Smith, Marilyn Manson

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑆𝑖𝑥𝑡ℎ 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

productive. may have a daily routine lol. may have virgo traits/vibes. healthy, and nourishing lifestyle. probably exercises, counts calories, etc. father may be over critical, and have high expectations but also well put. father may have virgo in his chart. you prefer pets that are loving, and loyal, so a dog, or horse are ideal. probably like to dress their pets up, or always make sure they’re clean. may want to work somewhere where they can shine or be generous.

celebrities:Ariana Grande, Rita Hayworth, Michael Jackson, Kurt Cobain

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑆𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡ℎ 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

has a love/hate relationship w/leo’s. you’re enchanting. you may be popular. relationships mean a lot to you, romantic or platonic. you attract leos or ppl with leo in their chart. you attract fun loving, demanding, warm, and arrogant ppl. you may have libra traits/vibes. you’re very romantic, and makes lover a priority. may be gullible in love. father may have been the peace maker in the house growing up, but also distant. father may have libra in his chart. you’re rarely single, bc you probably don’t even know how to be single lmao. social.

celebrities:Kendall Jenner, Zendaya, Sylvester Stallone, Dwayne Johnston

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐸𝑖𝑔𝑡ℎ 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

intensity is a main theme in your life. death may be heart related (heart attack, etc). most likely will live for a long time. you might be scared of doing presentations or anything in front of many ppl. father may have passed or been absent during childhood. father may have been overprotective and sarcastic. father may have scorpio in chart. you crave power, and sex. probably has a lot of stamina in bed. also may get an inheritance. very passionate in the bedroom. might like it rough/dominanting. may like to do taboo things from time to time. emotional. you may have scorpio traits/vibes. secretive/keeps to self.

celebrities:Kylie Jenner, Demi Moore, Matt Damon, Bruno Mars

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑁𝑖𝑛𝑡ℎ 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

open minded. traveling is a favorite. might watch videos on other countries on youtube. intelligent. funny. proud of their ancestry. may have sagittarius traits/vibes. real/authentic. father may have been funny, but detached, and not want any responsibilities. father may have sagittarius in chart. you have luck in life. can be inconsiderate sometimes, maybe even selfish. forgetful. gives out advice like it’s candy. full of wisdom and sincerity. cares abt others/humanitarian.

celebrities:Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jennifer Lawrence, MLK, Robin Williams

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑇𝑒𝑛𝑡ℎ 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

you’re reliable. your reputation might be warm, and sociable. you’re well known, and most likely respected. relationship w/father may have affected your outlook on life. father was hard working, and made plans but also strict, and not affectionate. father may have capricorn in his chart. you won’t let anything get in the way of your goals, full of ambition and focus. loyal, and sensible. may have capricorn traits/vibes. you may look up to ppl with capricorn in their chart including celebrities. you may become/want to be an actor, singer, influencer, comedian, entertainer in general, social worker, lawyer, etc.

celebrities:Drew Barrymore, Dua Lipa, Jeffrey Bezos, Albert Einstein

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐸𝑙𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛𝑡ℎ 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

either basic or unique. friendly. may be fake. might be popular. erratic. may have aquarius vibes/traits. attracts leo’s. many leo’s may have a crush on you. many of your friends may also be leo or have leo placements. father may have been an odd ball. father may have been talkative, but distant. he may also had bizarre beliefs. father may have aquarius in his chart. may be a leader of a group of friends, or the center of attention in the friend group. helpful.

celebrities:Marilyn Monroe, Cher, Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson

✨𝑆𝑢𝑛 𝐼𝑛 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑇𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑓ℎ 𝐻𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑒✨

creative. chill, and kind hearted. might prefer alone time. introverted. you need to listen to your own advice that you give out to others. spiritual. may have pisces traits/vibes. you may lack an identity. don’t let others take advantage of you. father may have been lighthearted and sweet, but private. father may have had an addiction to something(alcohol, drugs, etc). father may have pisces in his chart. you’re intuitive, and probably have a heart of gold, but also you might be hard-headed. you’re probably a dreamer.

celebrities:Madonna, Selena Gomez, Keanu Reeves, Hugh Grant

#astrology #zodiac #zodiac signs #astro notes #astro observations #sun in houses #sun in 1st house #sun in 2nd #sun in 3rd house #sun in 4th house #sun in 5th house #sun in 6th house #sun in 7th #sun in 8th #sun in 9th #sun in 10th #sun in the 11th house #sun in the 12th house #aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #leo #virgo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #aquarius #pisces

[emletish-fish]

7. what is you favorite sentence/paragraph? read it to us! (asker can choose what fic) (x)

I chose three! One from each of my 'big fics'. No Zombies, Worst Prisoners and Good Boys under the cut:

NO ZOMBIES:

No Zombies was a delight to write. I had pretty much the whole idea from the get-go, (of a returned style AU with Hector coming to spend time with the family in the modern world). I finished it quick - and it's not too long (side-eyeing Good Boy and Worst Prisoner). It was the first fic where I felt like I really "stuck" the landing. I was quite flexible with my original outline, but I still knew where the journey ended. It ended exactly how I wanted it too - happily but with a bitter-sweet note.

The emotional core of this story is how Elena, family matriach, who is so gruff and no-nonsense, who despises Hector in the films, and who has such a warm heart under such a grumpy exterior would slowly soften and come to love Hector, (and how she grows as a person because of this and becomes more comfortable showing love/emotions to her family). It was like a platonic slow-burn as she learns to understand Hector better - which is why this bit is my favourite because it's where she starts to really feel fond of him for the first time:

“Well, I'm just glad I'm a better teacher for him than watching old Ernesto De La Cruz movies.” Héctor had replied with a wry smile. “It's probably because I'm so much more handsome than that butt-chinned, over-the-top ham.”

“Because you're a pointy-chinned, over-the-top ham?” Elena replied, feeling surprising witty. She never made teasing jokes like this normally, but it was so easy with Héctor.

He looked mock-offended. “I'll have you know, my chin is wonderful and I've given it to several of your grandchildren, so there.”

If Elena was a different person, she probably would have pulled Héctor into a warm, laughing hug then. She might have told him seriously that Miguel had always been difficult for her. He felt things so strongly and got so upset and emotional – she'd always struggled with how to help him, how to calm him. Miguel was so happy now. She knew that was because of Héctor.

She might have told Héctor that he was at least six thousand times the musician, eight thousand times the teacher, and ten thousand times the man that Ernesto De La Cruz was.

But Elena was who she was.

Instead she said “Idiot,” and ruffled his stupidly messy hair rather fondly.

She told herself she wasn't warming to the fool musician, but she knew it was a lie.

GOOD BOY:

My current work. It's another platonic slow-burn, but this time set in the Cobra Kai universe with son and father pair - Robby Keene and Johnny Lawrence. In the show, these two characters have such a dysfunctional relationship that is so full of miscommunications and missed chances, and they genuinely want a better relationship (and it would be so healing for both of them! Do not get me started!) I lean much more into the magical realism in this story, as I turned Robby into a dog (Animal transformation - PIXAR's Brave style), so that he could immediately get the cuddles and easy affection he so clearly needs.... because I have never seen a more touch/affection-starved character aside from Zuko in ATLA.

This also gave Robby a chance to really understand, not only his father, but the other people in his cicrcle. He discovered he had a support network. He got to know he was loved by many. he got to witness the actions people would take as they searched for human-him (not knowing that he'd been turned into a dog). And it gave Johnny a chance to learn how to take care of something, feel needed, and express his love for his son without the weight of their complicated history/his own trauma hanging over him. It was hard to pick a favourite, but I will say the Johnny-stream-of-conciousness chapters are definitely the easiest/most fun to write. One of my favourite bits is in the first one, The queen of ice-cream runaway when Johnny tells Robby about when Laura (his grandmother) found out Shannon was pregnant and she was going to be a grandmother.

It's the first inkling Robby gets that while his father wasn't there for him and he was neglected a lot, Johnny did his best to keep the bad shit from his own childhood away from Robby as his own way of showing care. It hints at the deep and damaging abuse Johnny endured. When he finally had a say with his own kid, he would have done anything to protect Robby from feeling the same. I'd say here is where Robby really begins to warm to his Dad;

Then I told her our chosen name and she said I was a dumbass and Swayze was a terrible middle name, and we had to change it to some shit like Alastair or something. She thought he should have a rich sounding middle name. And I say Mom, Alastair sounds like some lame-ass insurance broker who upskirts his secretary and then cries as he jerks off to the pictures, what else you got? She thought Sebastian, and that was worse! What a pussy name.  Sebastian is going to be sitting in the little french patisserie cafe drinking the tiny-ass coffee for dolls and eating the éclair with his prissy finger tips. I already want to kick Sebastian's ass. Who wouldn’t? I’m not going to give my kid a name that is going to get his ass kicked.

And she couldn't talk, cause she named me after Johnny Cash, just cause she liked his music. And she couldn't think of a middle name at the time, so I didn't get one. Thank goodness. I could have ended up Johnny Alastair and had to kick my own ass.

So Swayze stayed.

Then she mentions how she and Sid can help out, so I didn't need to do the two jobs, stupidly long hours thing. And we need the money. I know we need the money. But my whole body froze and I just went No. None of that for little Robby Swayze. ...

... She’s going on about spending Sid’s money on Robby and I just...I can’t. I can't allow it. Cause I knew how he would be, and the way he would treat that kid. So I tell her, no thank you. Not a fucking cent mom.  Sid’s not getting to feel like he owns a hair on Robby’s head. That motherfucker can go jump. You thought we needed Sid’s money when I was a kid. You decided it was better for me, and that was your choice. I did not get a vote in that. But this is my kid, and this time it is my call, and I am choosing no. I’m not going to have Sid make my kid feel like he has to apologise for existing every day. I'm not going to have Sid treat my kid the way he treated me. I will never need money that badly. I will never put my kid through that. I'll work myself to the bone doing 20 hour days before that. I'll work on the 40th floor without a harness before that.  I will sell my fucking organs before it comes to that. Not a cent mom.

WORST PRISONER:

My 'what if Zuko made friends with the Gaang early on?" AU that then turned into a three-book long saga (and I will return to it, Worst Prisoner readers - Thank you for you patience). It does have evenutal Zutara, but the focus is really on the Gaang + Zuko as a whole, and all the interpersonal relationships. I'd say there is more gen-shipping around Zuko as a central character, as Iroh & Zuko, and Sokka & Zuko are both given equal prominence. in fact, all the friendships and familial relationships were equally important to me. (the book 3 Zuko & Azula stuff is so interesting, but it is ...less funny I guess.)

This fic is such a joy to write, and I really try and balance the humour with the bittersweet/sad parts, and one of the main sources of humor was the Sokka-Aang-Zuko -Katara qudrangle of dumbassery. I love the four of them together in book 1, and so many of their interactions were a hoot to write. But if I'd have to pick a favourite moment, it would be the moment in the deserter chapter in book 1, where they all decide to 'officially' be friends:

“Well, you can figure that out and find someone while I'm up in the Northern Water Tribe. Then when we finish up there, we'll come find you,” Aang offered.

“Really?” Zuko’s eyes were shining optimistically. It was a strange expression for him. Aang was so used to seeing him with a grumpy face.

“Really, I promise,” Aang said, feeling so glad that he could help Zuko go home.

“Yeah, I second that. If this means we won’t have to put up with you chasing us, I am in!” Sokka said. “Sheesh, you could have just asked ages ago!”

“You know, this means I was right,” Aang started to say, feeling very vindicated. The others looked at him curiously. “If we had just talked about friendship in the forest, we could have sorted this out weeks ago!”

“Boo, forest friendship!” Sokka said.

“Don't boo him,” Katara admonished, elbowing her brother.

“I agree with Sokka. There's no way I would have appreciated that speech weeks ago, Aang,” Zuko said.

Sokka smiled at Zuko for saying he agreed with him. It actually wasn't that rare of an occurrence, but it still seemed to surprise Sokka every time.

“See, Aang, forest friendship is bullshit,” Sokka said.

“I didn't say that!” Zuko cut in. “I just meant, maybe … I had to be dragged all over the Earth Kingdom by you guys ... and shot ... and taken to nonsense fortune tellers ... and I had to be forced to eat Sokka's truly terrible and disgusting cooking—”

“Oi!”

“—and I had listen to Aang lecture me about friendship and vegetarianism in the forest just so I could come here.” He looked around at the deserters’ camp site. “I dunno, maybe it was meant to be this way.”

“What are you saying? You want to be forest friends with Aang now?” Sokka asked accusingly.

“I mean, sure. If Aang will have me, we can be friends,” Zuko said, and looked uncertain.

“Yay! I knew you'd want to be my friend,” Aang said, feeling delighted.

He was so happy he had a Fire Nation friend again. Kuzon had been an amazing friend, even though he'd gotten Aang into so many sticky situations. He had already thought Zuko was his friend, but it was nice to make it official. Aang always knew the Fire Nation had good people in it too, and now he had been proven right. He jumped up and gave Zuko a huge hug.

#Emletish answers #Emletish writes #Fic: No Zombies #Fic: Good Boy #Fic: Worst Prisoner

[bvccy]

Its not boring!!! 😂😂

If you want to be cathartic, list the shit he'd hate and be weird out about. I'd love to hear it too. I love rants!

Yeah, about NSFW, I can't think of anything on top of head that he'd like. In the sense of "omg this is amazing", there's things he'd appreciate, maybe.

😖

I mean, speaking from experience, when you go to a completely different environment and nothing is familiar and all the rules are flipped upside down, and everyone around you just knows what to do and are surprised when you don't and you feel like you have to learn to walk again... It's interesting at first and a lot of people really like it, but it can also be irritating to the point where you're uncomfortable with everything around you, no matter how objectively good it might be.

I think Bucky would, honestly, dislike most things at least in a passive if not an active way. Everything would seem worse and ugly.

People's clothes, their hairstyles, the shoes, restaurant menus and cutlery, Christmas decorations and stationary, pens, watches, faucets, and books.

Even children's cartoons. And I grew up with Courage the Cowardly Dog, Ed, Edd n Eddy, Johnny Bravo, all of those, they are my childhood, but I've still got to admit they are grotesque to look at, they are so ugly, they're nothing like the Mickey Mouse or Tom and Jerry cartoons which were so pure and cute.

Music, let's not even get started. He basically admitted in TFATWS that he "likes 40s music so..." he doesn't even listen to anything after that, is the implication. I certainly doubt he listens to anything that came out starting the 60s.

Movies. He'd probably stick to 40s films, some 50s ones, but from the 60s he'd probably pull a face at some of the fashions and themes used and would feel like they don't speak to him.

Architecture. Glass coffins. No beauty, no style, no soul, no relevance (it's why I had Dolores in NtD work for an Architecture firm, she was a soulless villain from the start).

This was the Soviet Union's pavilion at the Paris Expo of 1937:

This was the German pavilion at the German Expo of 2000:

(also, this was the Expo's official mascot, Twipsy, for extra yikes)

Keep in mind that Bucky may have been a 40s guy, but he was born in 1917. Which means his parents were 1880s kids or so. From the 1850s and up to the 1950s, the US and Europe were at their most decorative, most ornamental. Art Nouveau and Art Deco were born in that timeframe. In Britain, the Arts and Crafts movement flourished.

So what sort of things would he have been exposed to from his parents? What did he grow up thinking is good and beautiful? What would he grow up thinking is worth fighting for?

Some things do maintain the 40s style he would be familiar with, so he could find suits to wear, shoes and ties like from the 40s, and cafes or eateries that keep that ambience, as well as buildings that survived from that time around NYC. But he would have to deal with being the odd man out most of the time.

I think he could tolerate most things, like product packaging and phones and furniture and such, but other things would seem ugly beyond his point of acceptance. And, generally, he would not feel it is relevant to him or made for him.

#bv;answers #A VERY NEGATIVE RANT BUT

[hale-13]

Triple Axel

By Hale13

For the Summer of Whump Day 1 - Freezing

There’s nothing Peter loves more about winter than spending the entire season ice skating. The fact that Mr. Stark‘s lake freezes over so well just gives him the perfect excuse to hang out with his mentor, pseudo-sister and still get to skate for free.

Words: 2738, Chapters 1/1 (Complete), Language: English

Fandoms: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)

Rating: Gen

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Morgan Stark, Sam Wilson, Bruce Banner

Read on AO3 or below the line break.

Peter grew up a pretty graceless kid.

He never looked where he was going, always too excited, and tripped over air. His knees and palms were perpetually covered in cuts and scrapes in various stages of healing and he broke his glasses so often May and Ben had taken to just taping them together at the bridge of the nose instead of replacing them. Going to the community playground was an activity that was fraught with danger due to Peter’s over enthusiasm; well that and his two left feet and lack of hand-eye coordination. It was lucky that he picked up the, much safer, past time of building legos and other models with Ned at a young age.

Peter looked back on those sepia childhood memories with nostalgia and fondness now but he can remember the frustration of just wanting to do what the other kids did. He hated that he stood out because of his ridiculous coke-bottle glasses, the severe asthma attacks that kept him from participating in gym and recess. He just wanted to have fun.

And, unbelievable to anyone who knew him, the one thing that Peter Parker was inexplicably good at as a kid was ice skating.

The first time Peter was allowed to skate was when he was eight at Betty Brant’s birthday – coincidentally the first party he was invited to. May and Ben had both be overly hesitant – accident prone kids didn’t often mix well with anything slippery and sharp pointy objects – but Peter was able to wear them down eventually.

The prediction that Peter would fall flat on his face the second his skates touched the ice proved to be accurate but Peter was nothing if not stubborn so he pulled himself up and used the wall to make a shaky first lap. The longer he spent moving, the better he got and, by the end of the two hour party, he was able to make a complete circuit all by himself. His love for skating and finally, finally, being able to do something active grew from there. May and Ben were never able to afford lessons for him but they managed to scrap together enough money for season passes for him every year at the local rink.

Skating reminded him so much of the toddler ballet classes his mom had signed him up for before he had been diagnosed with asthma but so much more fun. He spent just about every weekend he could on the ice for a few hours practicing; he was never really able to do any jumps or anything too fancy but it was still so much fun. It wasn’t until after the spider bite and his life changing forever that he got really good.

It sure sucked that he couldn’t thermoregulate well anymore.

“Petey!” Morgan screamed, delighted, from where she was carefully skating closer to the edge of the frozen over lake under the watchful eye of her father. “Do another flip!”

Peter smiled indulgently and performed a perfect double axel, landing gracefully and gliding over to where Morgan was clapping next to dock. She had good balance for a five year old but the thin blades of her tiny skates still wobbled precariously on the ice due to her enthusiastic cheering.

“Not bad kid,” Tony told him from where he was seated in a camp chair on the dock and covered with blankets, a thermos of warm tea in the cup holder. He had flat out refused to test his luck with skating but, then again, his center of gravity was still off from his upgraded prosthesis.

“Thanks Mr. Stark!” Peter smiled, coming to a stop next to the other two and spraying his mentor with ice. Tony protested wordlessly but his smile let Peter know he wasn’t too serious. Peter absently rubbed his hands against his biceps to bring some warmth back into his skin – part of not thermoregulating well meant minimal to no shivering in the cold so he had to rely on friction – he was clearly not sneaky enough though because he could see the moment Tony clocked the movement and narrowed his eyes.

“Alright Johnny Weir time to go in before you freeze into a spider-sicle,” the man said as he drained the last of his tea and started packing up all of the stuff they had carted down to the frozen lake – more than they really needed in Peter’s opinion. “I promised your aunt I wouldn’t let you get hypothermia this week.”

“Aw daddy,” Morgan whined, skating unsteadily over to collide with Peter’s knees and shins and nearly knocking him off balance and onto his butt. “Five more minutes? Please?”

Morgan was attempting her very best puppy dog expression and Peter joined in when she shoved her pointy little elbow into his thigh. Tony had gotten soft in his old age and Peter could see his resolve crumbling under their combined gaze before he finally cracked with a sigh.

“Fine,” he conceded. “Five more minutes. I’m going to go brew up some hot chocolate. Can I trust you two by yourselves?”

“Yay!” Morgan screamed making Peter clutch his ears as she shakily skated off, getting just a little bolder and heading more toward the middle of the ice where Peter had been doing jumps and flips earlier. “Come on Petey!”

“I’ve got her Mr. Stark,” Peter promised before taking off after the little girl he was beginning to see as a sister, doing a perfect back flip and landing easily on the thin blades of his skates to her delight. At Morgan’s request, Peter continued to skate around her in wide circles, doing more and more elaborate jumps and laughing with her when he fell or stumbled.

“Do the hard one again!” Morgan called out from her spot about fifteen feet away from Peter, standing pretty steady for her lack of practice and Peter smiled indulgently.

“Last time and then we should probably head in before your dad comes after us,” he agreed, skating back into a wide arc before picking up speed and calculating his jump. He planned to land a few feet from Morgan because he knew it would really excite her. Things went pretty great in the beginning, his speed and takeoff were both perfect and his execution, while a little off, was passable enough for his sister.

His landing, however, needed work.

Unlike the ice rink ice he was used to, the frozen lake was pitted and rough. Peter had a little difficultly adjusting when he started but was able to compensate quickly as the afternoon wore on. Unfortunately, he was just a little too late this time to notice the divot and he hit it with his toe pick sending him sprawling onto his front about six feet from Morgan.

“Ouchies,” he muttered as he gave Morgan a thumbs up to show he was okay and started to leaver himself up.

Until he heard the cracking.

He froze immediately and looked down in horror to see the ice below him cracking and shattering. A small part of him wanted to slam his body down flat to better distribute his weight but his logical brain knew it was far too late for that all he needed to do was make sure that…

Morgan!

“I’ll help you Petey!” He heard her yell seconds before she crashed into his side and Peter, thinking fast, double clicked the panic button on his watch just as water started gushing through the cracks, pulling him under.

Morgan screamed and struggled as Peter did his best to keep as much of her as possible out of the water. His head was dunked briefly and his lungs seized from the cold. He felt the sharp blade of Morgan’s skate cut into his shoulder through his puffy jacket and he winced before clawing his way back above water with a gasp. He could hear Morgan still screaming and, gathering all the strength he had left, Peter hurled her from the water and across the ice where she slid safely away from the cracks.

“G-get dad-d,” Peter gritted out through shattering teeth as he gripped the broken edges of the ice. He could vaguely hear Morgan shuffling off the ice and up toward the cabin but his main focus was staying above the water and keeping purchase on the continually shrinking edges of the ice. His legs were completely numb and the metal of his battered skates felt heavy in the water, pulling him down deeper.

“Hang on Peter!” He heard Tony’s panicked voice from the shore before the sound of repulsers drowned out everything else and Peter looked up and made eye contact with the Iron Man suit piloted by FRIDAY. The left hand reached down and plucked him out of the water and into its arms, flying back to land on the porch steps. Peter collapsed on the ground, completely unable to hold up his own weight and feeling completely numb. “Peter!”

Tony skidded to his knees next to Peter, Morgan in his arms before he swiftly set her down on the porch. “C-cold,” Peter gritted out through clenched and chattering teeth as he tried to force his frozen body to curl up with little success. Through blurry eyes he could tell that Morgan had ditched her skates somewhere and he felt a spike of worry – he didn’t want her to get frostbite.

“I know buddy,” Tony said, propping Peter up with his vibranium arm before picking him up in a bridal carry. “I’m going to get you warm.” Peter didn’t do anything to help beyond curling closer to Tony’s chest and the body heat it emitted. The man kicked open the cracked door to the mud room and air so warm it burned cascaded over him. “Morgan go grab some blankets from the closet for Peter okay? Really quick now.” Morgan, crying silent tears and pale and shivering in her damp winter gear, ran off down the hall toward the linen closet.

“Tony,” Peter whimpered when he was set on the floor but the man was quick to shush him.

“I know buddy,” he reassured, “I just need to get these wet clothes off okay? Just let me do all the work. FRI, have Banner and a quinjet here ASAP.” Peter spaced out as Tony whipped Peter’s frozen, wet hoodie over his head followed quickly by the t-shirt and thermals under it. “Eyes up Pete,” Tony ordered as he worked on getting Peter out of his soaked jeans and thermal pants to leave him shaking on the floor in his boxers. “Your only job right now is to stay awake, capiche?\

“Yes sir,” Peter said, willing his eyes to open and his teeth to stop chattering. Morgan slid back into the room trailing a pile of fleece blankets and the comforter off of Peter’s bed and Peter mustered up a smile for her so she wouldn’t be so scared.

“Great job Maguna,” Tony praised as he wrapped the thickest fleece around Peter’s shoulders, doing his best not to jostle him too much. “Now run up to Pete’s room and get him a pair of sweatpants and his black zip up jacket okay?” Morgan hiccuped on a sob but ran out of the room and back up the stairs. Once she was out of the room, Tony wrapped Peter in another blanket before helping him wiggle out of his icy boxers. “FRI update on Bruce?”

“Dr. Banner and Mr. Wilson are on their way, ETA seven minutes. He advises getting Peter out of his wet clothes and wrapped in warm blankets. He recommends not moving him too much.

“Thanks dear,” Mr. Starks said distractedly as he pulled Peter into his arms to provide extra warmth. “How we doing Pete?”

“Tired,” Peter answered, burrowing into Tony’s arms. “Cold.”

“I know kiddo, just hold on a second longer.”

“I got it!” Morgan said as she came back into the room brandishing Peter’s clothes.

“Good job honey,” Tony said as gently as possible as he took the clothes. “Uncle Bruce is on his way and we’re going to go visit the compound. Can you go change into your warmest PJs for me as quick as possible?” As soon as Morgan had left the room again, Tony made quick work of threading Peter’s unwilling and stiff limbs through his pants and jacket, tucking the comforter around them both to lock in the warmth.

“Tony?” Bruce called, voice urgent, from the direction of the front door.

“Mud room!” Tony called back, not moving from his position curled around Peter’s limp body. Footsteps thundered in their direction and Bruce and Sam skidded around the corner a second later both wearing their warmest loungewear and Peter felt a little guilty about pulling them away from a day of relaxation.

“Jesus,” Sam mumbled as he dropped to his knees next to the pair reaching into the blanket nest to press burning fingers to Peter’s carotid to take his pulse.

“How long was he in the water?” Bruce asked, carefully moving Peter’s hair back out of his eyes to look at his pale face. His eyes darted over to the gash on his shoulder from Morgan’s skates that was beginning to bleed sluggishly now that Peter was out of the water and warming up but ignored it for now.

“Only a couple minutes,” Tony told him, an edge to his voice, “but he had been outside for a few hours. We were about to come in for hot chocolate.” The man sounded bereft and Peter cuddled closer into his chest trying to offer some comfort.

“Okay,” Bruce said, calm. “Peter you’re going to let Tony carry you out to the jet. I don’t want you moving more than you absolutely have to so just let him do all the work. Once we get you on board I’m going to start warming you up.” His tone brokered no argument and Tony disentangled himself from the cocoon and picked Peter up. Sam left the room but Peter could hear him talking to Morgan in the kitchen, calming her down and ushering her toward the jet.

Things went a little fuzzy for Peter from there. He was vaguely aware of the quinjet taking off and Bruce and Sam starting warm IV fluid. Warmed oxygen forcing its way down his throat. But he was just so tired. He knows he promised but surely Mr. Stark wouldn’t be too upset if he just took a little nap right? He let his eyes dip closed one last time as he slipped away.

Peter can remember waking up on and off a few times. He remembers getting off the quinjet and being settled in a trauma room in the compound’s MedBay, the heated blankets that felt heavenly to his cold skin. He was out for a while after that he thinks and, when he next wakes up, he’s warmer and much more comfortable.

“Pete?” Peter lets his head fall to the side and he gives Tony a little grin. His mentor looks like shit and is sitting hunched over in an uncomfortable chair next to Peter’s bed. “Oh thank God,” he says, going to grab Peter’s hand and then aborting the motion, leaning forward to press their foreheads together instead. “If you ever scare me like that again you’re grounded until your thirty.”

Peter chuckles a little and shifts on the bed. His arms both have IV catheters in the forearm and he can see blood flowing through the lines. He follows it back to a larger machine set up next to his bed and mutters a hoarse little “what?” of confusion.

“You were too cold so Bruce started warming your blood,” Tony told him, hand reaching up to comb through Peter’s wild hair. “You’re okay now though,” he assured. “You’re on the mend. Bruce said you should be done with this in about an hour so you just need to relax right now okay Bambino?”

“Morgan?” Peter asked instead, dizzy and tired and barely clinging to consciousness.

Tony smiled down at him. “She’s just fine kiddo. You saved her you big damn hero.”

“Good,” Peter slurred, letting his eyes slip closed again. “May?”

“Happy went to get her,” Tony promised. “The roads aren’t too great but they should be here soon.”

“‘Kay,” Peter yawned.

“Take a nap buddy – you earned it,” and, warm and comfortable, Peter did.

#summer of whump 2021 #Prompt: Freezing #spider man #irondad #summerofwhump #summerofwhump1

[kweebtrash]

Hey Beautiful Stranger

Pairing: StarvingArtist!Johnny X Reader(with some characterization)

Genre: lots of angst, some fluff, and smut

Features: imperfect, awkward, fluffy sex with tons of kisses and caresses and uncertainty.

Word Count: 17k

Summary:  Johnny had lost it all, became invisible to the world, felt like nothing and absolutely defeated. He tried to stay positive but it was a joke. A passerby, huffing and sprinting through the dingy train station catches his eye and he wonders what life would be like happier with her. He wanted what he used to have, to feel loved, like he was someone’s someone.

A/N: I sobbed while writing this so good luck. Also will put some sort of moodboard/gif beneath the title eventually. Also also this is based in New York

Johnny Only Masterlist   Other Stories   Buy me a Ko-Fi  

April 17

The heels of my boots clacked wildly against the dirty subway platform. I was late. Incredibly so. After a night of drinking with some friends I had slept through my alarm. My head was still buzzing and my stomach swished with nausea. Work was the farthest thing from my mind but I couldn’t call off. The friends I had gone out with were also my coworkers and I couldn't risk them ratting me out. I had to at least pretend my body wasn’t on the verge of collapsing and that I was a fully functioning adult who hadn't been irresponsible. It's only 8 hours, I kept telling myself. Only 8 hours. And then an hour long commute to and from during rush hour so you’d be packed in between a bunch of hot, sweaty strangers in business suits or school uniforms. My so-called pep talk had failed miserably and for now I settled on reaching into my purse to retrieve my headphones and block out the world before I became more frustrated and grumpy at the irritating commuters. Without stopping, I fished around for them but when I pulled them out they were a jumbled mess. I scoffed loudly, ready to scream at my first world problems and inconveniences. As I fumbled through the knots and twists I heard a voice behind me.

“Hey beautiful stranger.”

I rolled my eyes. Fucking annoying cat callers. This early? I didn’t even look that good. They would go for anything with a pulse if it meant getting off on harassment. I ignored the voice and continued on my way, staring down the tracks and waiting for my day to be over.

April 18

I managed to wake up to my alarm this time. There was no rushing or haphazard throwing on of clothes. There was even enough time to stop at a food cart on the sidewalk and get a cup of coffee and a bagel. Starbucks was way too expensive for me and I saw it as a delicacy. The street carts ran by immigrants, though not the most top notch as far as health codes, reminded me of my childhood home. My mom knew all the cart owners and spoke to them everyday, on the corner, on her way to work, when we walked through the city and got hot dogs, all of it gave me a spark of happiness to start my day. I recalled how weird I was as a kid. I never wanted to eat the hot dog buns. Instead my favorite cart owner would wrap two hot dogs in aluminum foil for me, always laughing at my pickiness. After a ruffle of my hair my mother and I would be back on our way, continuing our shopping or park adventures.

I liked mornings like this where I could cherish the little things. It made me feel somewhat less lonely. My small and overpriced apartment was always empty save for myself. I spent nights either quietly on the couch or sometimes going out but it all still felt empty and like a routine. These moments reminded me that I was actually alive, a semi functioning person who had some cosmic role in this universe. Or maybe I was just a weirdo enjoying her bagel.

My descent on the subway stairs wasn’t as lively as yesterday. For whatever reason there was somewhat more room on the platform. I started heading to my usual waiting spot when I heard that voice again.

“Hey beautiful stranger.” It couldn’t have been the same catcaller from yesterday? What were the odds of that? Unless he had the same morning commute I did. That would be weird but it was the city and plenty of people had jobs to get to. That still didn't give him permission to try and cat call me. I turned to look back at the voice and was taken aback with surprise.

He was young, around my age, his brown hair a little greasy from days unwashed but he was beautiful. He was smiling brightly, making his small eyes close and crinkle. It seemed so genuine for a homeless person. 

I didn’t know why he was happy sitting on a dity blanket in a subway with a small cup in front of him. His only possession beside his backpack was a good sized keyboard that laid across his lap. A homeless performer. That was common down here. Sometimes it was the only way for them to make a buck or two and hope that it was enough for some food. His sweetness made me stop then I looked at the cup rather guiltily. I didn’t care to give him any money; hell i had no idea if i had spare change or singles. Instead I gave him a tight lipped smile which he responded to with a slight nod.

I began my walking once more, a little faster this time. I wanted to get away from him. Sometimes seeing homeless people irritated me, sometimes hearing the homeless performers drove me mad because the subway was already chaotic and I just wanted some peace. But he made me feel something else and for whatever reason I felt tears prickling at my eyes.

April 19

“Hey beautiful stranger.”

I stopped and turned towards him, staring him down. His eyes were still bright. His smile was still warm. What the fuck did he have to smile about? His cup was only filled with two pennies. He couldn’t do anything about that. So why did he seem so...happy?

“What do you keep saying that?” I decided to speak to him.

“Because it’s true.” His fingers pressed down against a few keys creating a beautiful little melody.

“Do you say that to every girl that passes by? Like to try and get them to give you money.”

He shook his head. “Nope. Just you.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s true.” He repeated.

My cheeks flushed in an embarrassing way and I hoped he hadn’t noticed. “Well I’m not giving you any money. You shouldn’t guilt people into doing that. I know you guys can blow up as soon as someone denies you.”

“‘You guys’?” He didn’t stop playing nor did he look up at me from his seated position. “What do you mean by that?”

“Like...um…” My voice softened as if the word was a slur. “You know, you homeless guys.”

He laughed. It was an awkward laugh yet it almost made me want to start laughing. Infectious. “I’m not trying to guilt you. I just hope you have a nice day.”

I was taken aback. He wanted me to have a good day while he probably sat here for hours with nothing to do but play his keyboard. I had no idea how to respond and that was when he finally lifted his eyes. Warm again. Warmth and sweetness like the perfect cup of coffee on a winter day. The kind that makes you grip both your hands around it tight and blow through the little hole on the cover until you were able to taste the cream and sugar without burning yourself. It was like a recharge of energy.

The banging and rocking of the train suddenly appeared in the background. It was my train and if I didn’t leave now I would miss it. I couldn’t hear what he said through the noise but his lips moved around those words again. Beautiful Stranger.

April 25th

He was there everyday and I ignored him everyday. My headphones were always in and I tried to keep my head forward. I never had my music playing. Without missing a beat my eyes would shift towards him as I passed by. Those full lips never failed to curl into a smile. His favorite words to me were always said. Eventually I wanted to hear those words as much as possible.

April 26

“Hi.” I greeted him this time.

His eyes widened when he saw me. “Hey beautiful stranger.”

I kneeled down and held out a five dollar bill. It felt weird to put it in the battered coffee cup when he was sitting right there and I had struck up the conversation. He stared at it for a while as if he was reluctant to take it from me. “You don’t have to.” His voice was so low, so small, so ashamed.

“It’s okay. Take it.”

When his hand didn’t move from the keyboard I grabbed it, turning his palm upward and setting the money in it. His hand was rough. Calloused. Dry. But his fingers were delicate. I found myself focusing on them as they curled around the bill. His gaze was still in his lap and with the same tone he whispered a thank you.

The train barreled into the station earlier than I expected. My time was up and I couldn't say more to him. I rose to my feet and bit my lip as if I was nervous to ask someone on a date. I wondered why I felt nervous. There wasn’t anything to be nervous about. Maybe it was because I didn’t want him to feel like it was charity. Was it charity anyway since he was technically asking for it and I responded? The cup was an invitation for exchanges and yet from his reaction I realized that he wasn’t happy. Of course not. He didn’t want to be asking for money but he still wanted to be positive, if not for himself then to spread it to the people around him.

May 1

As I shuffled down the stairs amongst a crowd of people I noticed him. He wasn't awake or playing his keyboard. Instead he was curled up on his dirty blanket, fist wrapped tightly around the strap of the case to his prized possession. The hood from his sweater was inching off his head with every shift of his body and his eyes kept squeezing shut as if to block out the bright lights above him. I don't know why I found it strange. He needed sleep at some point but I never thought that he would be sleeping here.

I stopped beside him and removed my headphones. "Hey...are you ok?"

His eyes opened instantly though they still strained against the fluorescence above me. "Hey beautiful stranger." His voice was lower, scratchy with sleep. The dark circles beneath his eyes were deeper and his cheeks looked more sunken.

"You don't look so good." I squatted down to his level to get a closer look at him. "You aren't playing your keyboard."

"No inspiration today." He mumbled.

"Your cup isn't out either…"

"What's the point? I get ignored anyway." All the positivity he had seemed to have drained away faster than rain in a sewage gate.

"I'm not ignoring you, am i?"

"You're different." He turned his gaze upwards and finally the faintest of smiles was on his lips. "The lights make you look like an angel."

I looked towards the ceiling at the rows of lights above then back at him. "Trust me i'm no angel."

"You are. You just don't know it yet."

I changed the subject quickly. His compliments, though sweet, seemed off, as if he was fading from this world. "Are you ok?" I asked again. I could see his eyes watering slightly and instead of looking at my face he was now fixated on my morning bagel. "Are you hungry?"

He shoved his hands into the pocket of his hoodie and shrugged quietly. Against the normal ruckus of the subway station I could hear his stomach growling. "When was the last time you ate?"

"It's fine. You're gonna be late. Just go." It was unlike him to sound this harsh.

"Please answer me." I was concerned now. I had never been concerned about a homeless person on the street. There wasn't anything I could do to make their lives easier, or so I thought.

"I dont know...two days maybe?"

"Two days?!" I practically shrieked. "How have you not eaten for two days?"

He glared at me instantly. "I told you. I'm ignored. People dont give a fuck about me. I try my damndest and get nowhere...not anywhere...nothing."

Maybe that was why his cup was gone. Not enough money to sustain what little he had. I held out my bagel to him. "Take this."

"No."

"Take it."

"I dont want your fucking bagel."

The first time I truly touched him, touched his soul even; a gentle graze against the stubble on his chin to lift his head. "Take it. Please. My coffee too."

His lips trembled as a few tears fell. He wanted to be strong. He really did. He wanted to try his best and survive and yet he couldn't. We were all trying to survive, in our own way, on our own level of importance. His resolve was gone as he took the food from me with a small sniffle. My train was coming now. "Will you be here after five?"

He scoffed slightly. "Where else would I have to be?"

"Just stay here ok? I'll come back." I promised. I already had an idea of how I wanted to help him further. My investment in him still baffled me but I decided to pursue it. The gratefulness on his face when he took that first bite was enough to solidify my resolution.

May 1, evening

The first night I sat with him. I set out a small picnic of granola bars, apples, a couple bottles of water, a cold sandwich I had gotten from a local deli and a bag of chips. Of course he rejected it at first. I told him it wasn't much but it was all I could do for now. He said he didn't know how to thank me. Maybe he would write a song for me one day. Play it for me as I walked by so he knew he had been waiting for me. Hey beautiful stranger. He laughed at my suggested title.

"Yeah, hey beautiful stranger...hey beautiful angel."

May 15

I found myself waking up earlier and earlier just so I could have enough time to talk to him before my train arrived. I would sit beside him on his blanket, knees to my chest as I listened. His name was Johnny and he had been a college student studying music. He had a good life. He had friends he made music with, he had a family he spoke to, he had love in his life. But then he lost his job and his roommates moved out without a warning. He couldn’t pay for the expensive apartment on his own. He tried and tried to get another job somewhere, anywhere. He had decent qualifications so why wouldn’t anyone accept him? Rent got behind and he sold everything he had to try and make due, everything except his keyboard.

His parents had gifted it to him when he got accepted into college. It was the one thing that meant the world to him. I loved to watch him play. Sometimes when I came to visit him he would show me a new piece that he thought of. Said I was his muse. I didn’t think I had done anything inspirational or artistic enough to warrant a song being produced about me but Johnny did. Occasionally I would catch him scribbling in a small notebook that he had but whenever I questioned him about it he would hold it far away from me. It always made me laugh that he was shy about his creativity but my curiosity grew with each moment his stub of a pencil touched paper.

“How do I even inspire you? I’m not special.” I said on this day as I tried to make a grab for the notebook teasingly.

He kept it against his chest and shoved me away gently. “That’s not true. Of course you’re special. You’re the only person that sees me.”

“Sees you? Everyone can see you. You��re right here.”

“No, you see me. You know I'm real.”

A silence fell between us. It wasn’t uncomfortable but rather a sudden overwhelming sadness. He wanted to be seen. He wanted the world to see him yet I was the only one. Was I his world?

“Do your parent’s know about you...about this I mean?” I said finally.

“No...I’m too embarrassed to talk to them. Not that I could anyway. I don’t have a phone. I know they would be disappointed in me. I haven’t been able to save up enough money to go back either. So I'm just,” He shrugged and sighed deeply. “Stuck.”

“Is this the only way you make money? Or try to?” I looked at the cup that had a few more coins than it did yesterday.

“Yeah...I’m also too embarrassed to ask people outright. Like, you know when you’re on the train and people go through the cars and ask? I can’t do that. I tried once and it felt even worse than anything i could ever imagine. I felt so...pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic, johnny. You’re far from it. You’re someone. You’re someone’s someone.”

“Am I your someone?”

I straightened up quickly. “M-my someone? I-I just meant like-”

“Or do you have someone?” His grip on the notebook grew tighter as his lips turned into a thin line. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that. I just-ignore what I said, please.”

This was the part in our routine where the train came and I left him. I really wasn’t sure what to say. I had been someone’s someone before. Someone's that never lasted, never cared, never let me live. Romantic someones. But who was Johnny’s someone? I was the only friend he had. When he couch hopped after he was evicted he had friends-until they got tired of him not being able to find work. I considered us friends, better than those people who left him. But what could I do?

“I gotta go…” I said just as soft as he had the first time I gave him money.

He never responded and I got on the train that day feeling strange. I was lucky enough to grab a seat and as I sat down and squeezed my purse to my chest I wondered what he felt. It couldn’t be love or anything like that. That was preposterous. I liked him as a friend, as someone I talked to everyday, as someone I had gone accustomed to. But what if he had grown too attached to me? Was that healthy for him? He was always hiding behind a smile. There wasn’t really telling what level his mental health was on. He could see me as someone to cling to and maybe if I left him his heart would be broken. I wanted him to find success on his own. Of course, I would support him but I didn’t want to be a crutch.

I rubbed my forehead as I felt a tension headache starting to come through. I was overthinking this. He just needed a friend, I was his friend, end of story. He was a genuine person but there wasn’t any way I could be interested in him like that. It just wouldn’t work. I felt a little bad thinking that but it is what it is. We were just friends.

June 2

17 days. I hadn’t seen him for 17 days. I worried so much that sometimes I would cry at night for him, which surprised me. It was normal to be worried for a friend but to cry? I guess it couldn’t be helped. He could be dead. He could be gutted somewhere and no one would find him. He wouldn’t even be able to have a funeral. He would stay forgotten like he was afraid to be. I wish I could call him, speak with him, hell even send him a letter. Anything that would let me know he was okay. Alive and as well as he could be.

I curled up on my side and pulled my thin bed sheet over me. The rain outside had made the city much colder. What if he was stuck in the rain? What if he couldn’t find anywhere to hide? Silent tears continued to fall down my face and as a lightning bolt struck I fell into another cycle of scary thoughts. “Please…” I hiccuped. “Please just give me a sign that he’s okay.” I said out loud to my darkened bedroom. It was some sort of prayer. Not a religious one but something for the universe to hear. I hoped the wind could help my words travel. Spin and turn and twirl around buildings, weave through people, and finally fall on Johnny’s ears.

June 7

I dropped my coffee onto the platform. The milky brown liquid swam into cracks and splattered onto shined leather shoes and heels. The expletives and damnations fell on deaf ears. I couldn’t believe it. I ran to him, crashing into his chest and forcing him to take a step back. “What the-?” He realized it was me then and his tension relaxed. His large hand fell on top of my head and I heard his heartbeat increase against my ear. “Hey beautiful stranger.”

I pulled away and landed a punch to his bicep. “What the hell is wrong with you?! I haven’t seen you in weeks! I was so fuckin-”

He pressed a finger to his lips, shushing me before he giggled. “You’re making everyone think you’re crazy. Calm down.”

“Don’t you tell me to calm down!” I pouted and looked away as my eyes watered. I blinked the tears away quickly and sniffed. “I was just worried.” I said quietly. “I didn’t know where you were or if you were hurt…”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you or anything. I’m not used to people caring this much.” He set his keyboard case against the wall and his backpack on the ground. He hunkered down and unzipped it, pulling out the blanket he always sat on, only this time it was a lot cleaner. He opened it up and laid it on the platform before sitting down and patting the space beside him. I quickly joined him and pouted. 

“You made me drop my coffee.”

“I’m sorry. Let’s say I owe you one, ok?”

“Where did you even go?”

“Well, I got word of this place that helps homeless people try and get jobs. So I got one but it was temporary. Nothing really came of it even though I showed up everyday on time and did what I needed to do. It was bullshit. I made some money though and even slept in a motel. It was awesome.”

“Motel’s have phones, you know.”

“Yes but Johnny’s doesn't have beautiful stranger’s phone numbers.”

“Hush.” I nudged him, knowing that he was right. “Give me your notebook and I’ll write it down.”

He reached into his bag and dug around for it before squinting at me. “You’re trying to see what i've written, aren't you?”

“Me? No! This is for emergencies! My phone number, you know!”

“Then tell me it, I’ll write it down myself.” He hunched over the notebook and made sure I couldn’t see anything.

I giggled and leaned over his back, trying to reach for it. “Johnnnyyyy! Come on! Just let me see it once! Have you finished the song?!"

He turned his head and because I was so close his lips stopped mere centimeters before mine. He sat silent and contemplating and yet I was the first to pull away. "S-sorry." I said meekly. 

"No, no. It's okay. I was...um…" He held out his notebook and the pen and I jotted my number down quickly.

"Don't forget me now, ok?"

"I won't ever forget you. I thought about you all the time. I had this stupid dream that you waited for me here everyday." He laughed solemnly. "Its kind of dumb."

"I did, on occasion, for as long as I could before I had to get on the train. Sometimes I waited for a bit when I got off work."

"Really?" Johnny's eyes widened in shock.

I nodded. "I don't know...I was just worried but I said that already."

"It makes me happy that you care. Really happy." He smiled for just a second as it quickly turned into a frown. "The train's here. I dont want you to miss it."

"I'm not going to work."

"What do you mean? You have to. I don't want you to get in trouble."

"Eh, I'll call in sick or something. I think I want to spend the day with you." I said.

"With me? What the hell for? You wanna sit on a dirty ground until your ass goes numb?"

"No I want to eat, go to the park, maybe get some ice cream….with you."

He sighed and leaned back against the wall. "I haven't really done anything like that in ages. Just spending the day having fun."

"Then let me remind you, Johnny. Come have fun with me."

"I can't…" He replied. "I don't have much money left."

"I don't care about that. I'll treat you."

"No." He said sternly.

"Johnny, it's ok. I don't mind."

"I don't want you wasting your money on me."

"It's not wasting money when you're with a friend. Were friends, right? I mean we better be since I've talked to you almost every day for like 2 months."

"Yeah, we were friends but…"

"No buts. Please?" I held onto his arm and leaned my head on his shoulder making comically puppy dog eyes and pouting. "Please?"

"Ok. I'll do it. But only if you stop looking at me like that."

"That's my "i get what I want" face. It never worked once on my mom. Glad it worked on you." I bounced to my feet and held out my hand to help him up. He grabbed it and hauled himself up before stuffing the blanket back in his bag. "Your stuff must be heavy. Do you want to drop it off at my place?"

"Your place? Your house? Like me, go where you live?" Johnny asked as if he was frightened.

"Yes? What's wrong with that?"

"You trust me enough to do that?"

"Well youre not gonna murder me are you? If you were I'm sure you would have done it a hell of a lot sooner."

"No, im not going to murder you." Johnny replied as he rolled his eyes. "Just that...the last time i was at a friends house i was getting kicked out."

"I'm not kicking you out, I'm inviting you in, silly." I took his hand in mine and tugged on it just a little. "Come on."

He grabbed his belongings and followed as I led him out of the subway station. This was the first time I had seen him outside, in the sunlight that beamed through the city pollution. He was even more beautiful to me now. His skin glowed like warm amber and his eyes had honeyed as the light refracted through them. I had always thought he was good looking but why did he seem so ethereal now? I almost missed the stoop to my apartment from staring at him for so long. I hoped he hadn't noticed. "It's here," I announced to not only to stop myself from being a creep but to alert Johnny that he almost walked too far as well.

I set the key in the lock of the front door and opened it, allowing him to walk through first. After three torturous flights of stairs we arrived at my tiny apartment that seemed like a room more than anything. "Well...this is it. Sorry it's not great or anything."

"It's amazing." He set his keyboard and backpack down and looked around in bewilderment, like he had never seen a home before. "It's cool that you have your own place."

"Rent is not cool. And neither are utility bills." I joked. "City living is shit."

Johnny shrugged. "Expenses aside it's not too bad. I lived in the suburbs as a kid and came to the city for school."

"I've lived here all my life and I'm still over it."

He chuckled and shoved his hands in his pockets. "So...we're here. My stuffs here...what do we do?"

"Do you want to freshen up or something? If you have clothes to wash I can do that for you."

Johnny looked down at his outfit; faded and torn jeans, a dull grey-green shirt, and a hoodie tied around his waist. "Oh." He bent his feet on their sides and rocked a little. "I guess I should look somewhat better if we're gonna go out together."

"You look fine! I just meant if you wanted to shower or something! I'm assuming it's kind of a luxury?" I winced at my words, hoping I didn't sound offensive.

"Better than me bending over a sink in a mcdonald's bathroom that's for sure. But if you're offering then that would be pretty cool. You don't have to wash my stuff though. I'd feel weird if you'd do all that for me."

"It's nothing," I shrugged. "Just leave your clothes outside the bathroom door. Do you have any other clothes in your backpack?"

"Uh.. " He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed nervously. "Dirty underwear."

"Oh please." I waved it off. "Use whatever you want and I'll load the laundry as you shower."

"Well...alright…" He kicked off his shoes and carefully walked towards the direction of the bathroom as if he was still too scared to be here. I made sure he had everything he needed before I grabbed the clothes he took off and left outside the bathroom door. After, I went to his bag to get the rest of the laundry. I set his blanket aside as I figured I'd wash that as well before finding his underwear and some socks. While rifling through his bag I saw his notebook and temptation struck. I could read it. I could find out what he thought about me, what he wrote about me, the songs or poems he created. But I didn't.

June 7, evening

First we got breakfast. It was a little more advanced than the normal bagels and coffee we exchanged; pancakes, eggs, bacon, toast. He scarfed it down in minutes, trying not to talk in between bites though he wanted to tell me all his adventures. He didn't stop hustling even as he worked. Once he clocked out he put away his nicer clothes in exchange for his normal ragged jeans and t-shirt and went onto street corners and other stations to play. 

That area wasn't as bustling as it was here. Occasionally people would stop to listen to him and he once earned 20 bucks in one week. A new record, he said. He was proud of that. Proud to have an audience, to capture people's attention again. To feel like someone. But still not someone's someone. That phrase had resonated with him since I said it. I hadn't even given thought to the impact it would bring. Words just flowed freely when I was around him and I felt every syllable. He wanted to find the person he could be someone for. Maybe magically while he was playing on the street or bumping into them on the sidewalk. He was a bit of a romantic and said if he were to ever star in a movie he'd want to in a romantic comedy.

Goofy. A klutzy little thing. Giggling and tripping on air as we trailed along the park after breakfast. I thought about holding his hand. His fingers had become a fascination to me. Piano fingers. Stretching across keys from pinky to thumb. Hands that seemed warm to the touch but when I brushed against him they were cold as ice. He said he was always cold no matter what the temperature was, like his body couldn't produce enough heat to save his life. It contrasted to my constant warmth and I offered him my hand to feel.

My previous thoughts had come true as he took my hands in his. Mine seemed to disappear beneath his fingers and while I focused on our skinship he was gushing about our temperature differences. My heart skipped a beat. A millisecond off rhythm yet alarming enough for me to realize that his charm and sweetness was deadly. The beats continued to be off as he dropped my hands yet remained as close as possible to me. What did he have to talk about? Everything. Anything. He just wanted to be heard. I couldn't focus on anything but him and that was a problem.

I took his picture by the small pond of the park. He outstretched his arms and closed his eyes, tilting his head back and shouting "I'm the king of the world!" as if he were on the titanic. It took several tries for him to be serious enough for me to get a steady picture and in the end he opted for a picture of us together. He had the longer arms so of course he held the phone out, thumb poised above the circle button as we got into our pose. I leaned my head close to his chest and made a small peace sign. Our smiles captured our summer ridiculousness and preciousness of our moments together.

I told him when he was able to get a phone I would send it to him so he could have it too. He had wanted to keep his old phone, even without the service, to look back on the things he'd done and people he spent time with but when the feelings got to be too much to bear and the money was scarce he sold it. He missed it. He liked taking pictures. Scenery, his friends, dogs especially. He went wild for all the dogs walking around the park. He always asked the owners if he could pet them. He was like a kid at the zoo, all excited for cuteness and rough licks. Sometimes I would have to tear him away from them as I could sense the owner's irritations of how long he wanted to stay with their pets.

Ice-ys were next; the cold semi solid that wasn't quite ice cream but soft enough to melt in your mouth the moment it touched your tongue. They were doused with saccharine sweetness that I'm sure was from corn syrup but made them delicious nonetheless. I told him my own stories of how when i was young i HAD to get rainbow flavored. My mom always asked what the rainbow tasted like (technically cherry but dyed in different colors) but i always made up some imaginative mystery flavor that changed each time. He liked my memories. Said they brought about his own. When he was happy with his mother, always following her and never leaving her side. He was a mama's boy and wasn't afraid to admit it. I thought that was cute. Supposedly mama's boys were supposed to treat women better though i wasn't sure how true that was. We walked along the rest of the park until we reached the playground. It was beaming with children but in the waves of screams and giggles we found solace on a pair of swings.

We swayed back and forth gently, finishing our ice-ys. I had upgraded my rainbow flavor for the definitely more adult flavor of coconut while he chose something akin to cotton candy. The breeze rolled in making suffering in the summer heat a little less miserable. But as the sun set and the night grew cooler I jumped at the idea of heading to one of my favorite bars.

"A bar? Holy shit." He laughed as if it was some magical land. "Getting shitfaced sounds great right about now." It was only because he was riding on the wave of happiness after being so long in the dark. That perfect smile was genuine now, no longer a facade to hide his pain. He wasn't much of a partier in college but when he did go he went all out. He was Mr. Social Butterfly, spinning around from girl to girl or high fiving friends and strangers. Sometimes he would get lucky. "Ah, sorry…" he was abashed now. "I probably shouldn't talk about that. Makes me sound like a fuck boy."

I shrugged. "We all have our hoe moments."

We both laughed at my comments and slipped inside the semi dim bar. It was more of a music venue. Bands would play calming music and it had a chill vibe. There was rarely a time where someone acted out and it was honestly the best place to relax at. Johnny loved the music as soon as it met his ears. It was jazzy, bassy, paired with smooth vocals of a woman whose abundance of curls sat like a royal crown on her head. He started to sway a bit while I turned to the bartender and ordered us two beers. "Do you want to go sit at that table?" I nodded in the direction of a corner that was just barely illuminated by a hazy purple light. He agreed and we made our way over, sitting down and beginning to sip away our troubles.

I couldn't even remember how long we stayed there. We were way past the amount of alcohol we should have had and our conversation turned into nothing but giggle fits and touching. My hand would meet his and hed stroke the back of it or entwine our fingers until the intimate moment made him back away. I didn't mind it at all. I was starting to fall in love with his fingers. As my eyes closed to soak in the music I could see his fingers trailing over my naked body as he kissed a heated traill against my skin. I came crashing down instantly to pull myself from that thought. What the hell was that? Why would I even think of such a thing? It was the alcohol. Of course it was. I always had the potential of getting handsy when I drank. It was a logical explanation to an illogical thought.

"I should uh, get going." He chuckled softly. "I had a really nice time today though. Amazing even." His eyes smiled at me and my heart dropped into my stomach. No. Please dont look at me like that. With those eyes I've seen cry and think and pray for a better day. I tried to make today that day and seemed to have succeeded but I didn't want to let him go.

I shook my head quickly. "You're not going back to the subway station. No way."

"Well i have to get my stuff back at your place but i have to go back sometime."

"No...stay…" i thought that he hadn't heard me over the music and the nearby conversations but he had.

"Stay? With you in your apartment?" There he was with those incredulous questions, shocked at caring gestures that i'm sure had underlying selfishness.

I nodded this time. "I don't mind. I want you to stay tonight."

"I...uh…" he wanted to protest. It was easy to see but his mouth snapped shut and he wouldn't look me in the eye. He returned my nod, keeping his head down.

I slid out of the chair, standing on wobbly feet and extended my hand towards him. He took it and our swaying bodies made our way outside only to be smacked by a torrential downpour. It was a full on waterfall from the sky and Johnny and I were soaked in seconds. I frantically looked around for some sort of shelter as the bar was hitting towards closing time. Around the corner was the back door to the bar that was barely covered by an awning. I dragged Johnny towards it and we plastered ourselves together, shivering harshly. "What should we do?!" He asked.

It was almost hard to hear him through the rush of rain. "We can't walk to the subway and take the train. We'd be soaked even more!" I realized that we weren't even an inch apart when he looked at me, searching for a normal solution to our current problem while I zeroed in on his lips. 

He licked them like a nervous habit. "Do you have enough for an uber?"

"I should!" I had paid a semi hefty amount for our plethora of drinks but i was sure i could afford it. Johnny hovered over me, trying to assist in protecting my phone from any water that might fall on it as I tapped open the app. I could feel the soft puffs of breath he produced against my cheek and it was like he was even closer to me if it were possible. "It's about ten minutes away." I said softly.

"C-cool." He replied through chattering teeth. "We seriously need to get warm."

I swallowed hard. "Y-yeah. Maybe some coffee will help sober us up when we get back to my place."

"Sobering up is good. We should definitely do that." He chuckled.

We fell silent. I could hear my heart thundering and feel Johnny's as I pressed my hand to his chest. He became curious at my actions and with a tilt of his head confidence washed over me as hard as the rain had. The moment our lips met he cupped my face in his large hands, holding me as if he would never dare to let go. We were hungry for each other. Desperate for our tongues to meld and lips to tear into moments that would freeze in time. I fisted his soaked shirt in my hands before they snaked around his neck while his fell to my hips. Fingertips dug into my jeans like he was clawing at me. I was lost in him and it wasn't until the buzzing of my phone broke us apart. The driver had messaged me that he was in front of the bar and was ready to go. 

Johnny cleared his throat but stayed quiet as he walked into the rain again and slid into the car, soaking the poor driver's backseat. As the ride progressed I looked over at Johnny but he was focused on staring at the blurry city lights outside the window. My mind was suddenly plagued with thoughts of him feeling potentially regretful. But he had initiated it and I reciprocated...was that bad?

By the time we arrived at my apartment it was no longer a torrent but still quite heavy. We ran as fast as we could to get inside. Our bones were still trembling but he went to the bathroom while I went to my room to discard the clothes that were now stuck like a second skin. I left him some oversized sweats that I had for him to put on while I shuffled quickly into a hoodie and shorts. While I waited for him to finish getting dressed, I started on two cups of instant decaf. Just as they finished and I was heading towards my couch Johnny sat down and graciously took the mug from me. After a few sips we both gained warmth but still felt the awkward presence that lingered between us from our interrupted kiss.

He started the conversation we both didn't seem to want to have. "I'm sorry about the kiss. I crossed a line and-"

"I wanted it." I cut him off. "This whole day...i-i don't know what it is about you but there's something. At the bar when we touched, on the swings at the park, listening to all your memories. I don't know what to think about you anymore."

His mouth hung open and he stared at me like a wide eyed rabbit. "I uh...um…you dont-we shouldn't…" He seemed to have no idea how to form the words he wanted to say but when i heard the negative conjunction my stomach started to twist into knots. "I'm not good for you."

"Says who?" I scoffed.

"You know i'm not. You don't need someone like me. You need someone who can take care of you and support you. I'm a good for nothing."

"Shut up." I snapped. "I've never thought of you like that."

"Yes you have. When we first met. You wanted to ignore me. You thought I was a nuisance. You can't lie to me about that. I know that feeling all too well."

He was right. I had felt that initially but it had been so long that it seemed like it never existed in my mind. "You're right but i don't think that now, Johnny. And if i say i want you then i want you." I set my coffee cup down again and scooted closer to him but he backed away instantly.

"Please...don't do this. I can't handle something like this. It's…"

I took his hand in mind and looked into his eyes, silently begging him to see what I saw in him. He was going to be someone's someone...perhaps even mine…

His voice was trembling and he pulled away from me to cover his face. I couldn't bear to see him cry again but if he truly didn't want me then there was nothing I could do except hurt in secret. "I don't want something good to come into my life then leave again…" He said after swallowing his fear.

"I wouldn't leave you...you said I see you remember?" I laid my head on his shoulder and took his hand back to fold our fingers together. "You're as bright as the sun."

"Only when I'm with you. I feel so human it's insane."

"Will you please stay with me tonight? I'd worry so much if you left now." I said softly.

Johnny still seemed hesitant but he had relaxed more as he felt our skin against each other. "O-okay. I'll stay but um...should i just sleep on the couch?"

I looked up at him and chuckled. "Well...i wouldn't mind continuing what we started at the bar...in my room." The remnants of the alcohol had made me a bit bold but I wanted him to continue with his emotions of humanity. I wanted us to feel each other like we both needed something so desperately to hold onto. That vision I had at the bar had replayed in my mind a few times since we had gotten home and I couldn't seem to shake the need. To have his body against mine, to feel him inside me, so deep he could rut into my heart and see the bubbling culmination of confusion that had been brewing there. I too was scared but willing to share a sliver of passion and end to hopelessness.

Johnny returned my giggles and tried not to look at me. "It's been awhile. It's gonna be so bad. Like really bad."

I shook my head. "I don't think so. It's been awhile for me too so we can both be awkward about it." I found a smidge of comfort in his lack of confidence. At least we shared that in the moment.

"Fuck…" He breathed out. "You really want me?"

"Stop finding it so hard to believe that you’re worth attention and attraction and...um...well...sex." The shyness was definitely hitting now.

He set an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me to him. "You're insane, you know that?"

"You can keep your wrong opinions to yourself, mister. But in all seriousness if you don't want to, i understand." The sudden realization that I was perhaps pressuring him hit and I began to backpedal. I was coming on too strong, too hooked on the physical though still tethered to the emotional. Maybe I was in too deep. The uncertainty was getting unbearable at this point.

"N-no, um,...it's cool. Yeah, uh, let's do...it." he laughed nervously.

I was the first to stand up and led him to my room. He followed a few paces behind, still cautious but when we got under the covers to face each other it seemed to ease both our souls. It was the biggest sense of comfort to be beside him. His long limbs wrapped around me and the coziness of my comforter provided the perfect amount of warmth to the echoes of our icy skin. When our lips finally met again it was almost as if they had never separated in the first place. Our breaths were shared between our tongues and I clutched onto him. He let out the softest of moans when he shifted me onto my back and my fingers dug into his shoulder blades more.

With our bodies plastered together the urge to see him naked took over and I slowly began to move my hands down his back and beneath his shirt. He jerked away, a little breathless but alarmed. "Can i uh...keep my shirt on?"

No man had ever asked me that before. "What? Why?"

"I’m kinda like...scrawny now and i'm pretty sure i don't look as good as i used to."

"O-oh...well if it makes you feel better though i think you look handsome."

He dove his head into the crook of my neck disguising his embarrassment with fragile kisses. I could feel how weak his body was but I didn't care. I would take care of him now. I never wanted to see the look on his face like when he felt so defeated and hesitant to take that bagel from me. I turned my head slightly to press my lips to his forehead and comb my fingers through his damp hair. "But," I continued. "You can do whatever you feel most comfortable with."

He nodded and settled against my chest, curling against my side and starting to rub the soft flesh of my stomach. With just a tilt of his head he connected us again only this time we were much slower. A tingle slithered up my spine as I felt his fingers trickle downward to pry beneath my shorts. I swallowed hard and spread my thighs, allowing his hand more room to work. Our eyes met and shared the tentativeness as the first of his fingers worked a minuscule stroke between my lower lips. I sighed softly as I sunk back onto the mattress and willed my body to relax, to accept the fact that he was almost too pure to corrupt. He was ready for it and spent his time gauging all of my reactions to his wandering fingers.

Whimpers and mewls followed the curious curls of his fingertips within me. His exploring was trying to find spots that increased those sounds yet he seemed to miss the mark each time. Gently I grabbed a hold of his wrist with one hand and guided the flow of his fingers with the other. With each command he grew accustomed to what I desired until I was gripping onto his sweatshirt with the prospect of an orgasm. "I want to make you feel so good…" he said so faintly i almost didn't hear it but when i caught the words i nodded quickly and arched my back slightly to create a pathway for more intense and deeper penetration. "I-is it o-okay if i make you wait a little longer?"

At first I only cracked one eye open, annoyed at the fact that his fingers were slowing down but then I saw the burning crimson across his cheeks. "Is it because you want to do it together?"

He gave me the smallest of nods. "If we can…"

I could accept his offer for trying to sync our orgasms though I was sure it might be nearly impossible given our natural biology. However, it meant more intimacy between him and I wanted that more than anything. I told him it was alright and he pulled his fingers out slowly, admiring the way I had coated them, already having been excited from our kisses. Meanwhile I rummaged through the drawer of my nightstand to find the few condoms I had scattered across the bottom of it. They had been forgotten but not expired thankfully. "Do you want me to help you or…?"

Johnny's head snapped up and his eyes zeroed in on the foil. He snatched it up quickly and turned away from me to fumble through rolling the condom on. Before I could even see him he was under the covers but had thrown his sweatpants aside. "Have you always been this shy?" I asked and I slipped in beside him.

"No. I was more confident before. Now i just...i don't know."

"You're not going to mess up or anything. I just want to feel you. I don't care about having some perfect experience. Sex should’nt be about perfection it should be about bringing us closer."

"Stop saying things like that or else i'm gonna fall in love with you." His eyes widened and he started to stumble over an excuse but I pulled him in for a kiss while my hand stroked over him, the lube from the condom making it easier. Faint moans fell onto my tongue in between small gasps of breaths. He felt different then what I thought he would. Though his body looked fragile he seemed to fill up my hand completely. Small doubts pricked at my mind and I wondered if I could even accept all of him.

"Will you go slow at first?" I wondered out loud. 

Johnny brows furrowed as my thumb swiped over the ridge of his head and back down again. "Of course. I'll do-" A hitch caught his throat and he quickly fisted the comforter. "I'll do whatever you want."

I pumped my hand faster, watching him crumble and tremble at every sensation. His face was a vision of beauty even through his slender features. The way those hues of pink and crimson still stained his olive cheeks was the cutest and complimented the rose of his lips, now coated with his tongue and glistening. And suddenly his front teeth dug into his bottom lip in the least sexiest way possible but it was so unbelievably adorable I couldn't help but smile. Here we were, trying to fuse our bodies together somehow and all i could think about was how much i was starting to never want him to leave. I didn't want him to go back to a dingy subway and suffer. I wanted him to stay in my arms, against my lips, inside me, caressing my face and looking at me with those warm honey eyes that crinkled when he smiled.

Where along the lines had I fallen for him? When had he become the person that made my heart swell so much i felt like i couldn't breathe? Months ago I couldn't be bothered with him and now he was all I craved.

"Y-you're staring at me…" he whispered.

My hand had apparently stopped stroking and I had rested my chin on his chest as I watched the emotions ebb and flow across his face. I perked my head up and exchanged glances between his face and my hand still wrapped around his shaft. "O-oh...uh…'' I was embarrassed now and panicking about what I should do. I had definitely taken all traces of sexiness from the moment as well. "S-sorry. I was being weird and didn't realize…"

"I mean, it still felt pretty good i just wasn't sure why you were staring...Do i look weird or something?"

I quickly shook my head. "N-no...the opposite. I think you're gorgeous."

He scoffed and looked away quickly. "Shouldn't i be saying that to you?"

I threaded my free hand through his hair and giggled. "I don't know...guess we can say it to each other. I know it's true on my end."

Johnny sighed softly and took my hand away from him. Instead he placed a kiss across the back of my knuckles before scooting onto his side to tug at my pajama shorts. We worked through groping limbs and almost hitting each other because we couldn't decide if he was going to take them off or was I. Trying to do it together was a mess but I was finally released and tossed my shirt along with them. "Oh wow." Was all he said and I quickly crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"A good wow?"

He nodded and beamed at me as he pulled me close. "Come here."

I fell into his arms and felt the squeezing hold around me. I clutched at his shirt as he slowly shifted on top of me. Instinctively I settled my legs on the outside of his hips. Soon I could feel him prodding against me as if he needed a map to find my entrance. He apologized as his shaky hand moved between us to guide his head in. I tried to hide my grunt of discomfort but he stopped immediately like a prey facing its hunter. "Am i hurting you?!"

I rubbed his back gently to reassure him. "No, I just need to get used to it all. Don't worry, you're fine."

He nodded again, falling silent and giving me moments in between to rest. It seemed like hours but eventually he ventured inside all the way and I could feel the sudden heaviness in my lower stomach. My eyes fluttered shut and my head arched back against the pillow as his lips comforted my neck with kisses and careless whispers, anything to divert my attention to pleasure. His thrusts were miniscule and cautious- perfectly matching his outward personality. Everything he did turned my body to jello and soon he could thrust freely and take my breath away.

That was it. We were finally lost to the outside world and could only feel each other. Our lips seemed glued together and Johnny had preferred our hands to be enveloped in lieu of digging into his shoulders. Our palms exchanged nervous sweats while conservative moans circled around our heads like buzzing bees to honey. It almost felt like our hearts were on the same rhythm too-fast and excited, strained with keeping blood flowing to the minimal space between us. His hips were pumping faster now, a pace i didn't expect but figured he was trying to chase his own sense of pleasure. And I wanted him to. I kind of forgot about my body and what I was "supposed" to feel. Instead I shut my eyes and relaxed my soul letting him plow away at emotions and pleasures. I was floating and I wanted to stay in this magical place forever.

His breaths became shallower, his groans hiccuped in his throat and he choked out an apology. He shuddered under the weight of release and I felt the warmth flow against my walls. I smiled when he collapsed on top of me, trying to regain himself yet snuggling against my chest. "I'll make it up to you, I swear."

"It felt nice…" i said rather truthfully. Perfectly imperfect.

"Yeah but...that- that's not how this is supposed to go. I'm supposed to make sure that you cum. I wanted you to feel good."

"And i do feel good. I swear it. I just want you here with me."

"Why are you so damn sweet? You shouldn't be like that. You'll get hurt."

"Oh and you're planning to hurt me?" I questioned.

That instantly toned him down. "No...im sorry...my head is...i wanted you to…" He gave up trying to express himself and laid back down on my chest. I kissed his forehead and adjusted the covers over us keeping us wrapped in a tight cocoon. "You're scaring me shitless, you know that?" Johnny whispered.

"Why's that?"

"Because I definitely have feelings for you now."

June 8th

The sun came and went and so did Johnny.

July 4th

I stared up at the fireworks that exploded into various colors and patterns. My friends were giggling and trying to talk over the noise but I didn't hear anything at all. My world had been silent for over a month now. I had slipped back into the same routine I had started months ago. Crying at night, hoping and praying that he was okay. A whole month had gone without a single sight or word from him. It was like he disappeared into thin air. Sometimes it felt like I almost dreamed him up. There were days where I actually believed he didn't exist. Had I shown the world some crazy side of me born from true loneliness? If Johnny was real then i definitely knew how he felt now. Putting on a happy face while inside your heart brewed dark and stormy clouds.

I would stare at his spot at the subway station as if it was a grave, only a sight for memories and nothing more. That was all he ever would be now. And unfortunately I realized too late that I loved him.

August 23

I hate him.

I hate him so fucking much.

He won't get out of my head.

Leave me alone.

I can't want you anymore.

You're not here.

You're not real.

You're gone.

September 2nd

Trying to move on was impossible but goddammit i tried. A few sparse dates here and there but I became so uninterested. Men were so grating and irritating and even the most normal and respectful man turned into a piece of paper I wanted to crumple up and step on. Most of the day I would spend looking out the window, imagining a world different from my own. Random couples on the street were replaced with Johnny and I. It was pathetic and I was starting to hate my own damn self.

My friends had noticed how gray I had become and eventually their attempts to cheer me up or get me dates dwindled. They thought I wasn't fun anymore. I would catch them giving me dirty stares or rolling their eyes, never texting me again. I was a downer, i knew that but i had never told anyone what had happened between Johnny and I. 

We were a secret. I didn't want us to be a secret but it just happened that way. No one knew that a homeless man had taken my heart for a whirlwind adventure.

November 30

You have one new voicemail

"H-hey, it's me. Uhh...well i know i haven't spoken to you in awhile. I haven't spoken to you at all actually. Um...t-that night, you know when we….you know, what i said was true and i got scared. Really fucking scared. I don't want to be with you until i'm good enough. That's the least you deserve.

Uh, well um...so a-anyway i just wanted to let you know i'm okay. I finally got the balls to make this call. I was afraid you wouldn't answer because you don't know this number. It's my mom's number. I somehow managed to make it to Chicago. I'm staying with them. I haven't told them about school or anything. Just lied and said i was taking a semester off to reevaluate my major-whatever fucking lie that was. I don't want to rely on them forever but I don't really know what to do once I leave either. I'll go back to being a piece of shit haha.

But anyway i'm okay, you know. Well i mean, now you do know because i just told you and- nevermind. Um...i'll try and call more often, okay? I would say i promise but...i seem to break those a lot. I know i hurt you but it's for the best this way, just for now. But I'm gonna get where I need to be. Just wait for me….please."

December 7

I didn’t torture myself with listening to the voicemail more than twice. I didn't erase it. I just left it and trained myself to ignore the fact that it was there. After all i had finally stopped crying myself to sleep yet this set me back majorly. I wanted to get back on track. Every time i thought i was close to moving on something minuscule happened-only this time a simple voicemail was earth shattering.

I stared up at the ceiling, another night alone in my otherwise empty bed. The tv was on low so i wouldn't feel like my apartment was empty. I thought about sneaking a cat in here once. Just to have some sort of company. I couldn't technically have pets but I would find a way. I was sure there was some cat just as lonely as I was hiding from the cold that I could take care of. I just had to pour my feelings into something more positive. Yeah. I could do that. Yeah...

I turned onto my side and closed my eyes, listening to the sitcom that filtered in. Zeroing on the conversation and fake laugh track actually put my mind at ease and for the first time in a long time i had fallen into a deep sleep.

December 16

Still hadn't found a cat, which sucked. I didn't blame them. The snow was getting worse. Inches thick and causing all kinds of dirty ice walls to appear along the side walks after being plowed. I didn’t have to face any of that today. It was my day off and thankfully I could curl up on my couch for hours on end. I started to surf through a pet finder website hoping that it might be better than going on a wild goose chase. Putting all my effort into searching for something that I could care for really helped. It was like its own version of therapy. I hunkered down more under the blankets, fluffing the pillow beneath my head to get more comfortable on my couch. I had taken on a smile as I saw a sweet kitten pop up on my search. She seemed perfect and I was instantly enamored by her bright green eyes. A saving grace.

Three raps pulled me out of my comfort zone and I tilted my head up wondering if it was my apartment door getting banged on or someone else's. The apartments were so close together it could truly be confusing at times, especially with the echoes from the hallway. I heard it again and decided to check anyway. I didn't expect anyone though sometimes my aunt did send me packages for christmas. Could just be the mail guy.

I sighed as I left my warm nest and swung open the door. "Hello?"

His hand was raised as he was about to knock again but he slowly lowered his fist. He smiled, a nervous smile, which tugged at the split skin of his lip where dried blood had crusted. I could only read his expression through one eye as the other was swollen shut and decorated with ghastly purples and greens. He wiped his nose of blood and runniness from the winds that had been chipping at his exposed face. I had no idea what to do or say, if i should move or not. He didn't seem to either but streaks of silent tears were already falling. Then i noticed something more astounding than his beat up face- the fact that he didn't have his keyboard with him.

I quietly stepped aside and let him in. His pants and shoes were soaked from trudging through the snow and I could tell he was freezing. I was just about to tell him that he needed to get out of them when he collapsed on his knees in front of me. He held onto my waist tightly, shoving his face into my stomach as loud sobs wracked through him. I pulled off his beanie and petted his hair back, keeping his head close and not caring that the lower part of my shirt was now stained with sadness and smudges of blood.

He passed out after that, unexpectedly, and I had to drag him to my room and set him in my bed so he could at least sleep comfortably. I had tons of questions but for right now i had to focus on getting him into dry clothes and cleaning up his wounds as best as i could. He looked like he had gotten his ass kicked and badly. Johnny didn't seem to be the type that would get into a fight so it worried me more. Once I tucked him in I made sure to put an ice pack over his eye in hope that the swelling would go down and he'd be able to open it soon. I wasn't going to get anything out of him now so i left him to rest. Just when I thought I could leave him in my past he had a terrible way of showing up again.

December 17

He slept for over 12 hours and though he was starving he had to chew a bit slower due to his injuries. We hadn't said anything since he had woken up and I had plated him some breakfast and coffee. I was over being patient but I knew I had to wait for him. Besides i had a multitude of emotions i had to decide which to start with; the anger of leaving me for months, the pain from him saying he wouldn't hurt me, the worry i had for the state of his being, the love that shattered my heart every aching moment i looked at him, and somehow the small pockets of lust that wanted me to love him harder than anyone ever had before.

When the last bite of pancakes were gone he took a final sip of coffee and sighed. "I got mugged." He stated flatly.

Ok, one question answered.

"I uh...i left Chicago around mid-September, figured i couldn't really ride on the college lie with my parents anymore. I also felt like I was bumming off their money and I hated that. When i got back here i tried to busk in different areas but winters are always the harshest. It's too cold to want to play, people are rushing to get home and stay warm. If i could have negative zero dollars in my pocket that's what i have. I'm dead broke. But i kept trying and uh…" His voice wavered and he cleared his throat quickly to push back tears. "Two nights ago, i was trying to find a place to sleep in the park and i got mugged. They took….they took my keyboard and my backpack and now I really have nothing. I didn't know where else to go so if you want me gone i get it. I honestly exp-"

The worry came first and then sadness and then the heartbreak. I rushed to squeeze him tight. I reciprocated the tears he left behind yesterday and it seemed like they would never stop. Johnny cradled the back of my head and sighed softly against my ear. "God, I've missed you so so much."

"Why d-did you leave!!?"

"You know why!" He pulled away to cup my face in his hands. "I told you, i wanted to take care of you and be in a better place before we got together."

I shoved at his chest and growled. "Yeah and look where it got you! You dont have shit and you come back after months of me not knowing where you were! This is the second time I thought you were dead. I've cried night after night for you! It felt like I could barely function without you! You made my life a living hell for the past six months and here you are at my door looking like a punching bag and I," my voice cracked and went up an octave. "And i still love you…"

"You know ive never ever wanted to hurt you. I want us to have a life together." His thumbs wiped away my tears and he crushed me to his chest once more. "You're the most amazing person i've ever met. I just want to be good for you."

"I should beat you up just for saying that. Just fucking shut up with that shit already. You are good enough for me because i fucking say so!"

"No I'm not! I can't do anything for you!"

"You can fucking love me, you complete fucking idiot!!"

"I do love you! I was scared because I was in love with you! I was scared you'd abandoned me like everyone else! I was scared that I would get my hopes up too high! I was scared that I could never get my shit together! I'm always scared!!! Always!"

We realized that our shouting wasn't even a fight at all, just frustrated feelings that needed to be expressed yet still held passion.

Suddenly I started laughing, leaving Johnny confused until he started laughing too. We were both crybabies who desperately wanted each other. No, now I needed him. Relationships were supposed to be 50/50 but even though I carried the burden of 100% I would help him get back on his feet until we could get to that even level. "You're not some pet project or charity or a nuisance. You made me fall in love with you by just being you. You're my musician, my goofball, my excited idiot that loves puppies in the park, the person that listens to me. I won't pretend to understand everything you've gone through but please Johnny...its okay to ask for help, even when help has failed you before. Believe in the fact that I want you here. I want you to stay here and i'm going to help you."

"I'll make up for it. I'll do chores, laundry, groceries, whatever you need from me." He said and I realized that he wasn't fighting me anymore. "And i'll get a job as soon as i can. I want to...i want to get a new keyboard even though it can't replace the one i've lost."

"You know what, I can accept that. I'm always too tired after work to do shit. And I can use the help."

"Ok, ok i get it! Ask for help!" He took my head in his and kissed my forehead. "Will you help me?"

December 20

The first few days were hard. I asked him to continue to rest while I went to work. It seemed like he wanted to get up and move, that he was restless and fidgety but I soon realized that his fidgets were actually his fingers ghosting over a pretend keyboard. Sometimes he would mumble to himself, maybe about notes or lyrics then go back to "playing". It was his coping mechanism and eventually I gave him a spare notebook. I wanted him to write his ideas down at least. The gesture had brightened him up immensely and he took to writing in it as soon as I left for work.

I was able to concentrate somewhat more at my job but mostly all i could think about was getting back to him. I wished that i could text him, just to see how he was doing but neither of us were able to afford a second phone just yet. Still I worried secretly if he had run off again. I hadn't told him about that feeling; i didn't want to guilt him but it was one of my biggest fears at this point. He had been worried about people abandoning him again though I was feeling the exact same thing. Would he abandon me again?

I had to finally get those thoughts away from my brain when my train pulled into the station. My usual route had some complications or whatever and was shut down; a normal occurrence but a most irritating one. I had to take the longest way home possible, through places I hadn’t been to in years. I saw a chain clothing store and decided to peek in just for a bit. Johnny was wearing my sweats 24/7 because nothing else fit him and staying in the clothes he had on his back before wasn't exactly comfortable. We washed them every other day or so but i'm sure it was starting to get annoying. I managed to find a few shirts on clearance and some stretchy shorts left over from the summer. I wasn't sure of his exact size but i'm sure this would be fine. 

I checked my phone and realized it was getting late. It was another bus ride away from home so i had to catch up soon. I walked a little faster as I looked up the schedule. One would be coming in about 10 mins or so and I needed to haul ass. With my winter boots shuffling through snow I had passed by another store, a pawn shop. Normally i couldn't care less about it but the window made me stop and stare. It drew me closer and with the smallest of squints I could see initials carved into the side and a familiar faded sticker.

I rushed inside, presenting myself at the counter and scaring the shop owner. "Keyboard. How much?"

"150." He said, barely looking up at me.

150?! The fuck?! "I'll give you 50."

"Take it or leave it, toots. This isn't a bartering system."

I leaned in closer, glaring at the middle aged man. "That keyboard is stolen property. You're lucky I'm even offering you money for it. You're going to give me that keyboard for 50 bucks or else I'll call the cops on you and they can do a nice investigation of this place. I'm sure you have more shit that people have reported missing."

"The cops won't do shit. It's not stolen if I buy it."

"Then is it stolen if i buy it back?"

He glared at me and I returned the look until I turned around and booked it. I grabbed the keyboard and the case beneath it before throwing the money out my purse and over my head. I ran as my lungs burned and arms strained while carrying the heavy thing. He was on my trail and gaining traction but I got lucky. My bus was just about to take off from the nearby stop but I caught it in time to jump on, leaving the shop owner behind. God in heaven, don't have him call the cops on me. But technically I bought it right?

December 25

The day I brought the keyboard home, Johnny had been in the shower and I was able to rush inside and hide it under my bed. I pulled shoes and any other thing in my room that would block the view of it, just in case he got a little curious. I doubt he would have but I was still precautious.

When christmas morning came around i was excited, practically hopping around like a bunny. I could barely wait for him to get up and join me on the couch. Around noon he stumbled out of my room, his hair sticking up in random places and the sleep barely out of his eyes. I let him trudge to the bathroom to freshen up and took the opportunity to drag the keyboard to the kitchen to hide it temporarily.

Finally when he sat down I jumped in front of him, a smile plastered across my face. He looked at me, concerned. "Are you...okay? You're acting weird."

"I got you something!"

He groaned and sat back against the couch. "Why would you do that? You know i wanted to get you something but couldn't."

"Yes, yes, i know. We promised not to celebrate but this is important okay?! Just accept it and let me do this. Please?!"

With a heavy sigh he agreed and I told him to close his eyes. When he complied I got the keyboard and held it in my outstretched arms in front of him. "Ok, open!"

The swelling in his injured eye had gone down and all that was left were faint bruises. I was happy that he could take this in with both eyes so I could see the happiness behind those pools of honey. But instead they were covered in tears and his throat seemed to have closed up entirely. Carefully, as if he would hurt it, he took the keyboard from me and held it close to his chest, a few keys pressing down and making a chaotic sound. It somehow complimented his tears that drifted into sobs. Slowly I sat beside him and rested my head on his shoulder as I rubbed his back. We stayed like that for a while and I covered him in cozy kisses until he found his voice again, quiet but enough to express himself. "Y-you dont know how much this means to me."

"Oh, but i do. And I almost-probably- got the cops called on me because of it."

"What?!" He shot up quickly and rubbed at his stained cheeks while I laughed.

"It was in a pawn shop. I guess whoever had beat you up sold it for some quick cash. I offered the owner a different amount and he wouldn't take it. So….i kinda, maybe, sorta stole it back but i also still gave him money! So it cancels out."

"What in the actual fuck?! Are you crazy?!"

I smiled again and this time placed a soft kiss on his tender lips. "Absolutely."

He set his keyboard down on the coffee table and now wrapped his arms around me. "What the hell am i gonna do with you?"

"Hmm...maybe kiss me under the mistletoe?" I added another kiss to him though he held it long enough for me to pull him flush against me. We were lost in each other again, nothing but tongues and lips and caresses. We only stopped when Johnny pulled away for a small reloading of air. "How could i ever thank you enough? You've done so much for me and i-"

I slid onto his lap which silenced his self doubt. "Don't. You know how I feel when you get like that. Just enjoy this moment with me. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy. So incredibly fucking happy." Now it was his turn to smile, one that reminded me of our (first date?) time at the park together a summer ago. I loved that smile. I loved when his heart beat wildly and we laughed while dancing and cleaning the apartment, when he let me be the big spoon while we cuddled because it made him feel safer. I loved him more than the moon loved the sun.

Johnny held onto my hips while I circled my arms around his neck. We knew what was potentially coming next, a celebration, a renewed reconnection that we hadn't had ever since he returned. His way of thanking me in the only way he knew how- creating a passion in my soul that ignited all the slumbering sparks in my body. His determination was strong this time as was his confidence. I could tell in the way he shifted his hands down to grab my ass without a single trace of blush across his face. "Can we do this?" He still searched for consent of which i obviously was going to give him.

"As long as you're okay with it. It's a bit emotional now, no?"

"The best emotions though. Not to sound cheesy, even though I probably do, but my heart kinda feels like it's gonna explode."

"Yeah, you're right. It is cheesy. And dorky. But i think i expect that from you already."

He rubbed the back of his head and chuckled. "Well...i know that hasn't changed at all."

"You arent blushing or stuttering though. That's changed." I pointed out.

"That's because I'm not afraid anymore. I'm not afraid of losing you because i won't let you go again."

"You better not or else I'll hunt you down."

He didn't say any remarks and instead captured my lips in another breathless kiss. The caresses had turned into gropes to my ass and thighs, even snaking up to my breasts and dragging his blunt nails down my back. I shuddered at every heated touch. If this is what he was like when he was in college i surely would have gone after him and this was just a make out session. 

He took control of my hips and forced me down gently but enough where the center of our bodies could touch. I gasped against the heat and the slow shift of his body beneath mine. My neck started to splotch as blood bloomed to the surface with every suck or bite. He had never had the chance to mark me before. Now that his stamp was on me I craved more to be littered across my body wherever he wanted. His hands disappeared under my shirt and I felt the iciness of his fingers circle around my breasts. "Will you take this off for me please?"

I nodded almost immediately then pulled my shirt over my head. I shuddered as my skin was exposed to even more cold and tried to snuggle up to him more. "M-maybe we shouldn't be on the couch. Im freezing and my apartment sucks at keeping heat."

"You're right. I'd much rather keep you warm myself." He teased with a smirk which made me roll my eyes.

"Okay, don't use those tired lines on me." I went to slide off him but instead Johnny wrapped an arm around my waist and pushed himself off the couch. I grabbed onto him quickly, afraid i was going to fall but he held me up and continued to walk to my room. "O-oh...well then." I hadn't expected that at all much less when he set me on the bed and wrapped the fleece blanket around me.

"You try and stay warm and I will get to work."

"Get to work?"

Johnny chuckled and sunk down to his knees in front of me. "Yeah? I mean...were gonna hook up right?"

"Is it hooking up when you're with your boyfriend?"

Now returned the incredibly deep crimson across his face and ears that I was used to. "B-boyfriend?!" He squeaked.

Had I just embarrassed myself? I pulled the blanket over my face and mumbled. "i- just thought...im sorry…"

"Don't be sorry. I-its okay...i just didnt think id ever hear that." He buried his face in my lap and chuckled against the softness of my belly. "I like that."

I peered out from the blanket and giggled. "Well good...jerk."

"How am i a jerk?!" He grabbed a hold of my pants and fumbled with them while we joked about our relationship title and goofy pet names for one another. I had hardly noticed that I had become fully exposed to him until he had quieted down and moved his face between my thighs. I covered my mouth quickly to try and hide the surprised squeak as I felt his tongue carefully lap against me while his hands rubbed up and down my thighs. He looked up for a moment, gauging my reaction, before sucking gently on my clit. I pried my legs open just a little bit more which gave him room to bury his face further.

Eventually I settled the tension and relaxed completely against his licks and soft rumbles, even clutching onto his hair when the tip of his tongue nudged inside me. His hand pressed into my stomach and pushed me back gently allowing him to crawl onto the bed and nudge my legs up to my chest. I placed my calves over his shoulders while he braced his arms beside my ribcage, fisting the sheets as he moved quicker. Open hot kisses were now against me, returning to suck against my clit and tease my entrance which seemed to be his favorite thing to do given my small squirms.

Just when my hips started to undulate forward he pulled away and swiped his thumb across his lips. "I see you like to misbehave more than last time."

"Excuse me?!" I blushed. "You're the one being all-!....Good and stuff!"

"Is it really good?" He tilted his head questioningly.

"Yes, and though I liked last time, this is um...kinda better."

"Good, that's what i want. I want to give you the best fuck of your life."

I wacked his shoulder as my face burned brighter. "You were a fuckboy in college, weren't you?!"

"Noooo, swear I wasn't." He moved on top of me, wrapping my legs around his waist now. "I'm just speaking the truth. Tell me anything you want me to do." He retreated to laying kisses across my neck and sliding down to my chest. This time he captured a nipple between his plush lips and sucked harsher than he had on my clit. I quickly gripped a fistful of his shaggy hair and pulled as my back arched from the bed. He slipped his arm beneath me, keeping my chest against his. "Tell me…" He breathed across the wetness on my sensitive bud.

"I-i want to...maybe return the favor?" I glanced at the small space between us where I could tell he wasn't wearing any underwear beneath his sweatpants. Johnny cupped my face gently, placing a kiss on my nose before switching positions so he was propped against my headboard. I shuffled closer to him as he tossed the sweats aside, keeping my blanket over me.

"Go slow if you need to…"

I think this was the first time I had actually gotten a good glimpse of him. He had hidden beneath the covers the last time and I moved my hand to where he was without much thought. He was still opting to keep his sweatshirt on though I really wanted to plaster kisses against his chest and create hickies across his collar bone so that way he knew that he was mine as much as I was his. I didn't question it though, figuring it was still a sensitive topic, and instead focused on the task at hand. I, myself, didn't think I was good at this particular sort of thing either. Johnny had tried his best for me and it felt wonderful. I just hoped I could get the same reaction from him.

I felt his strong hand pet my hair in encouragement as i inched my mouth closer. Carefully i settled my lips around the head of his cock and gradually built up the strength of my sucks to swallow down more of him. His breathing was shallowing, as if he was holding it in, but I could feel his eyes on me. Unlike him I was too afraid to look up and instead hoped that I didn't look a fool. His hand that laid against my hair added some pressure which forced me down more. It wasn't painful really yet i felt my mouth like it was being stretched to its limit. "I think you're doing a pretty good job yourself." He hissed through a groan.

He allowed me to slip off him and lick my lips of his taste. "It's a lot but i'm glad i can manage." I teased before kissing the tip. Johnny grabbed a hold of his base and commanded me to part my lips where he settled small rubs against my tongue.

"Is it okay when i do this?" I nodded quickly and placed my hand over his around his shaft. He pulled away and allowed me to remain so I could shift my wrist up and down the few inches I couldn't take. He liked me being focused around his head as well as every lick or even the slightest of nibbles. I even dared to flick my tongue along his slit which made his hips buck hard. "W-whoa, uh… I don't want a repeat of last time." He laughed nervously and pulled me away. "I want...uh...i wanna um...b-be inside you…" he cringed.

I cringed along with him but slithered into his lap, wrapping the blanket around us both. "Don't say that, just do it."

"A-ahh...i like the sound of that." I realized I had to leave my warmth for a second to retrieve another forgotten condom and worked it over him. "Do you wanna stay in my lap?"

"Does it feel nice?"

"You've never-?"

"No, just the regular way i guess." I admitted shyly.

"Maybe it's time to put my college education to use then."

"What does music have to do with- '' I let out a surprised gasp as I felt him guide my hips up and slowly began to fill me. The pit of my stomach seemed so full, somehow much fuller than the last time and I dug my nails into his biceps tightly. "Oh fuck…"

Johnny caressed my torso, waiting for me to adjust while he simply admired the way I looked. "It's okay. If it still hurts let me know."

"N-no um...it doesn't hurt it just feels wayyyy different. Good different. Not anything bad."

He chuckled. "Yeah i got that. Do you want to try moving? Do you know how?"

"I mean ive seen it in porn and stupid movies but maybe...a little help might be nice." I buried my face in the crook of his neck as he grabbed a firmer hold on my hips.

"Lift up with me." He whispered into my ear. I followed his directions, keeping my face hidden though my budding moans were giving my pleasure away. It took a few minutes, god knows how many, until i was bouncing on my own, Johnny's fingers bruising my skin and leaving indentations behind. The blanket fell to wayside, forgotten and uncared for as we worked together, pistoning quicker by the moment. "You f-feel amazing." Johnny choked through a moan.

I pressed my forehead to his and nodded silently. I was barely able to say any words, only clenching around the tightness inside me until I felt like bursting at the seams. The single time i caught my breath all i could utter was the softest 'more' i've ever produced. My back was no longer against emptiness but instead trapped between my headboard and johnny. I squeezed my legs tighter around his waist, giving him something to hold onto as his thrusts became stronger. Never violent, but always hard and deep enough to where everything seemed heightened. 

Our tongues clashed together again, teeth gnawing at lips and skin, and hands fumbling to find one another until they were pinned against the wall above. The trembling of the wood into plaster elicited moans from us both, surely letting the neighbors in the close confines hear what was going on. My eyes squeezed shut as he throbbed against my walls waiting for the perfect moment to still his hips and let go. I hadn't expected the last hard thrust of his release and it sent tendrils of rosy hues to form across my already flushed skin. "J-johnny?"

He slumped against my shoulders, breathing against the stickiness between us. I let him gather himself, relishing with him in the beginning of afterglow though I haven't had my thrilling bliss or whatever it was supposed to feel like. Eventually he pulled away from me and pushed back his hair, a serious in his eyes that also took me by surprise. He slipped out of me slowly and traversed back to between my thighs that was smeared in my cum. "What are you doing?" I swallowed hard.

He ignored me and returned his tongue to lash across my lower lips this time joined by his fingers that thrusted almost as harshly as he had. He was hell bent on satisfying me, alternating his patterns between curling his tongue and fingers and slowing down just as I almost reached my climax just to prolong the feeling. At first it was irritating but then I saw the true colors of his actions- the build up, the extra tension, the squirming of my body and clawing of my nails against his arms. A torture so good that i could hear the lewd slurping as i finally came.

He slowed his licks down little by little until my quivers stopped, ending it was a small kiss to my clit. When he laid by my side an incredibly goofy smile was on his face. "Better?"

I nodded and instantly curled against him. I secretly was afraid he would get up and leave again but another part felt the security that he wouldn't. Perhaps if he heard those words one last time he would stay. "I love you."

January 1

A new year. A new life continued.

Celebrating by getting shitfaced and watching the giant disco ball from from the top of the tower in the center of Times square.

A countdown. A kiss. A promise.

"I want to love you forever."

"Don't be so corny!"

"I don't care. It's how I feel. I want to love you for fucking ever."

Another kiss as midnight hit, longer, deeper.

An uncaring slow burn of a fuck on the floor through trembling limbs and urges to stay close and warm. His long body covering mine as if to say he'd protect me but we both knew that he was mine to shield.

Beneath the string of fairy lights under my tiny christmas tree the living room stayed dimly lit and I could see the soft shadows dance across his face as he slept on my chest. He'd grown accustomed to hearing my heartbeat-a lullaby, he said- as I played with his hair which I promised I'd get him to cut soon.

This was magic. Between the two of us and the sappiness of the holidays it felt like the stars had shown us the miracles of coming together. I held his hand tightly as I kissed his forehead, listening to his soft snores. My own lullaby was him feeling at peace and never return to a life that was colder than the winter's snow.

February 9

"Hey beautiful stranger."

I turned my head and saw Johnny leaning against the wall of the subway station. "Why are you here?!" I asked.

"Fuckin' train got delayed. Been here an hour while they try and figure out a substitute route. I called my boss and luckily he's super understanding. He got caught in a huge delay this morning too. I think your train is okay."

"Ugh, just your luck. You leave before me but now we're stuck together." He pulled me closer to him and pressed warm kisses to my face.

"Oh darn, how absolutely terrible." He smiled and gave me a squeeze."

"Oh, here, hold my coffee. Your tie is crooked." Johnny took my usual morning coffee before I adjusted my purse over my shoulder to give me proper room to fix the unevenness of his tie. It was a royal blue, a favorite color of his and it brought out the crispness of his white button up. He looked so handsome. He was lucky I let him get out of bed this morning. "You better get home on time because i have a surprise for your birthday."

"Does that surprise involve lingerie?" He smirked. "I saw that bag you tried to sneak in your dresser."

"Well now you wont get it since you decided to be nosy!"

"Hmm, guess it doesn't matter since it would just end up on the floor anyway. Don't have time for straps and shit."

I shoved at him playfully as my cheeks warmed. "You're getting absolutely nothing then. Pervert."

He took a sip of my coffee then looked pensive, seeming to ignore my banter for a moment. "Hey, doesn't your train kinda stop near my job?"

"Oof, it sort of does but youre def gonna have to take two transfers after. The A and the 1 i think."

"Anything is better than waiting for these idiots to get their shit together. I'll go with you. And then we can talk more about tonight." He gave me a wink as he took another sip making me roll my eyes.

I ignored his pervertedness for the most part and agreed to him joining me. "Hmm sounds good to me." I laid my head on his chest while my hand reached up to swipe away a bit of coffee that had stained his chubby cheek. He was less of a skeleton and definitely more of a teddy bear now- said my cooking was the best he'd ever had though i think he was just being nice. He still felt perfect in my arms and for once we were both happy to be someone's someone.

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