#ive said my piece i will continue to do as i have and support people where i do but i will also continue ny refusal to interact with

[defrosted69]

My Hype Boy (Part 2)

***YOHOHOHOHO I'm Back with Kim Minji part 2 since you guys wanted a part 2. I hope I gave you guys justice about this one so here yah go***

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The winds was howling loudly as the autumn breeze blew the leaves of the trees around the campus. Your eyes widen as you gasped for air catching your breath. Your heart was beating so fast as you touch your face realizing that all that sweet scenes that happened was nothing more than a dream. A mixture of dissapointment and happiness filled your thoughts and this only confuses you.

"Woah, You're finally awake mate"

The voice of Bangchan said as you looked around your sorroundings and you notice that you were sitting on a wooden bench along the campus park. Felix looked up to after playing with his phone and spoke.

"You look like you had a rough nightmare. Did you fuck someone?"

"Oh fuck off Felix. Wait, are you dating Chaewon?"

You asked making the man laugh and shook his head in amusement.

"That dream must have been good huh? You really think I have a chance with Lesserafim Chaewon? An Idol. Me? A student? Hmm?"

You sighed in relief knowing that you weren't still out touch from reality. Even though your heart was still beating fast, your mind was occupied on the thoughts of Kim Minji.

This was your first time dreaming about Minji and it felt really weird considering the words that she said in your dreams. But you also want to believe that your dream was the reality because the way she showed her loved towards you felt so real. Some might say that being to tired out explains why some of our dreams become a reality. You could only sigh as you pick up your sling bag and stand up from the bench.

"I must have slept like a log, anyway, what's your plan boys?"

"Mate, we going to the concert remember? Felix planned this day for months. Don't tell me ya forgot already?"

Chan said making you sigh and shake your head. Your dream really messed up your thoughts of process so much. This slowly began to worry as you as you were afraid that this dream could eat up all your thoughts and emotions making you drained and tired.

"No of course not. I still have my ticket here."

You patted your jean pocket with you as the two nodded their heads. The two were big fans of IZONE especially Felix as he was there for them when they were still in a survival show, now with their new contract and Sub-group named Lesserafim and IVE. This didn't stop Felix though as he still continued to support them even with the new additions.

"Shit, I can finally die in piece if Chaewon waves at me"

Felix looked up day dreaming as usual as there was no point of you talking to him once he entered that state. Meeting Felix and Chan was one hell of a experience but it also brought upon smiles on your day especially when the three of you do some stupid shit together. The three of you left the university and headed to the concert hall immediately. The line was to be expected to be long considering this will be one of the groups biggest concert ever.

But by some luck from Chan, you three were able to buy VIP tickets but of course this made you and Felix raise an eyebrow at him. The VIP tickets cost a lot and it's supposed to be sold out immediately Considering the group is hot right now and Chan, with no disrespect to him, isn't the guy with a lot of money. Of course you could just add in that he may have earned this for a long time and he was just sharing his blessing to you two. But whatever the reason was, you were thankful to him because in reality, you were also struggling financially.

The sun was ready to close out the day and the line that almost looked like half of Han river was slowly moving as they were finally letting the people inside. VIP Tickets were the first one to enter because they were given the chance to be close to the idols. The three of you moved along the VIP lane and showed your ticket to the guard. He let you three enter the big dome and as the dark hallways engulf you, your mind suddenly shifted to Minji. A short memory that flashed into your mind.

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FLASHBACK

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The harsh howling of the winds and rain splashing to the windows of the house showed how powerful the storm was. The weather reports have already warned the citizens of the incoming storm as everyone has prepared themselves to the incoming natural disaster including yourself. And by that, I mean you barely didn't anything but charge your flashlight and phone. Your parents are both attending a business meeting for a week and it will be just you and Minji at the house hold. Considering the current weather, there was no point of attending school.

"Now what should I do-"

"Oppa!! Where's the flashlight? Minji's asking by the way."

You sighed after hearing her loud voice. Pham Hanni was apprently stuck in your household until the storm passes because of their sleepover. Of course you don't mind Hanni at your home because seeing Minji smile and all happy being with her friend satisfies you. But the thing that didn't sit well with you is that, Hanni has been lately getting clingy towards you too. Of course you found it weird at first because there was no absolute way you made her this clingy towards you. But thinking back, there is that one incident where you did help Hanni out.

Although you weren't sure this was the incident that set her off to be this clingy towards you, it was the best moment that could trigger this phenomenon.

It all started back then when you were fetching Minji up from her school. Ever since that bullying incident, you promised yourself that you would pick her up from her school and Minji couldn't be more ecstatic to hear those words by you. Even though you have been through her school before, you still felt nervous as you were sweating a little bit. But that nervousness and worry immediately disappeared once you saw Minji smiling happily and dashing towards you. She immediately hugged you tightly as you felt a warm presence around her.

"Hey Minji, how's schoo-"

"Yah, Minji. You said this is your brother, how come you look like you have a brother complex?."

An unfamiliar voice was behind Minji and there you saw a smaller girl who was eyeing you in confusion. But her stares immediately tell you that she was either worried for Minji or, she finds you a creep. Minji immediately looked at her and gave her one stern look. The girl shrugged her shoulder and said

"What? I'm saying the truth here. You said you loved your brother but I didn't expect it to be this."

You widen your eyes as Minji and Hanni was staring at each other as if the two were communicating telepathically. Of course it wasn't possible but seeing her understanding Minji who couldn't speak, speaks volume of how much the girl understand and know Minji.

"H-how come you understand her… Errr, what's your name again?"

Hanni scoffed and shook her head showing her dissapointment. It was then you realized that the girl infront of you was the girl you talked to when you first arrive at Minji's school. You mentally slapped yourself for your mistake as you immediately apologize to her.

"Ah, I'm sorry Hanni. I.. I didn't recognize you at first."

"Why?"

"Well I didn't expect you to be this cute. Not that I meant that you weren't cute before but it's just that you're cuter now. Fuck what am I even saying? I'm sorry…"

You bowed your head apologizing towards the said girl but this in turn did a different effect on her. Hanni was too stunned to speak as a pink color was slowly appearing on her cheeks. Her heart was slowly beating faster and her gaze was suddenly stucked with you. Minji didn't like how her friend was suddenly blushing as she held you tighter and stared at Hanni with a annoyed yet adorable glare.

"So, shall we go?"

You snapped the two girls off their own thoughts as Minji smiled at you and nodded her head. Hanni managed to brush off her weird thoughts and crossed her arms near her chest.

"I'm only joining you guys because I don't want my best friend getting bewitched by you."

You could only chuckle at her silly assumption and just let her be. You have thought that the girls are just entering their puberty stage and their emotions are in shambles. Nonetheless, the three of you left school with Minji clinging to your arm and Hanni pulling her away from you whenever she has the chance too. You were lowkey thankful for Hanni's effort of pulling Minji away from you because you were getting uncomfortable with it.

Time pass by and the three of you managed to get closer, even though Hanni was still suspicious of you. You managed to let her be comfortable with you. Now this is where you probably assume where Hanni began to change her attitude towards you.

It was a beautiful autumn afternoon and you were on your way home. Minji texted you that your mother picked her up allowing you to have more time for yourself. The soft breeze passing by and the brownish dried leaves on the floor gave you an idea of what you were gonna do in the afternoon. Your legs began moving to wherever your feet takes you as you unwind your mind along with nature. The trees that looked shaved due to the weather made you smile as you admired it's aesthetics. Your walk abruptly came to a halt when you saw a familiar girl clutching to her right ankle and closing her eyes. You saw how she bit her lips stopping herself from making any noise.

"Stupid banama peeling. Who even throws their food on the floor! Damn it…"

Hanni was in deep pain as her ankle had turned in a way she didn't expect it. She slowly noticed how her ankle began to create a swell and the pain only doubled on it. She bit her lips not wanting anyone to hear her pathethic call for help as tears began to flow down on her eyes. This day was surely terrible for her somehow as all bad luck just happened to happen to her.

In the morning, Hanni and Minji were together walking the hallways when Hanni accidentally bumped into someone holding a box of water paint. The paint flew to her uniform and mind you, the uniform she was wearing was her favorite because it held a sentimental value but it was now ruined because of someone's clumsiness. The other student apologized but hurriedly ran away with all the paint as if the student was chasing time. Minji helped Hanni cleaned her uniform as the girl could only sigh.

During lunch time, Minji and Hanni were at their usual seat in the cafeteria when the two spotted the guy that Hanni likes. Of course this made her heart beat like crazy as Minji just gave her best friend a smile of encouragement. Hanni pulled out her mirror and checked herself before putting in some lip tint to show the redness of her lips. But all that preparation went all down the drain when she saw a sight that broke her heart into thousand pieces. The guy she liked smiled towards the popular girl in the school and even held hands and embrace each other as if they missed each other a lot. This scene was probably gonna be a traumatic experience for her as Minji felt bad for Hanni. She gave Hanni a pat to the back and a warm comforting embrace.

And lastly, this afternoon, she had to go home alone because Minji was gonna get picked up by her mother for their appointment to the doctor. Hanni didn't mind going home alone but after everything that has happened to her so far, she perhaps needed someone to hear her day or just someone who would stay by her side. She thought that maybe walking home would relax her but that ended in her spraining her ankle as she stepped on a banna peel.

"This day sucks ass-"

"Hanni? Are you okay?"

Hanni immediately recognized that voice as she could feel her cheeks turning red due to embarrassment. From all the people she just have to meet. It has to be with you.

"I'm fine… Just, j-just relaxing that's all."

She was clearly lying as you can see her hiding the sprain on her ankle. You pulled out your handkerchief from your pocket and opened your bag taking out an emergency instant ice pack. Hanni widen her eyes when you suddenly kneeled down to her level and grabbed her hand slowly removing it from the injured ankle.

"W-What are you doing?"

"You obviously sprained your ankle. Walking it out would only make it worse as the swell is already starting to show. Now hold on and let me cook."

"What? No, I'm fine Y/n-ouch! Yah!"

You gently poked her swollen ankle and she winced in pain and glared at you. You gave her a warm smile as you placed the ice pack on her injury and wrapped it with your handkerchief ensuring it tightly.

"It's not to tight right? Or do you want me to loosen it?"

"It's alright…"

You stood up and sat next to her as the two of you didn't spoke a single word. You just let the howling winds make the sound and people walking by as you waited for Hanni to speak. It didn't take that long as Hanni grew tired of the silence.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I was just walking by. This was my usual route when going home. What about you?"

"Well, my house is just a few minute walk here so…yeah..Anyway thank you for helping me. I need to go now."

"What? No you should-"

"Ouch!"

Upon applying pressure on her injured ankle, she lost balance as the mobility of her right ankle is altered. She began to slowly descend down with her back falling into a soft pair of arms. Hanni was now locked eyes with you as she was in your arms with her heart beating faster again and pink color tint was forming on her cheeks.

"You shouldn't move with that kind of injury Hanni. Alright, sit down first."

"B-But why?"

"Just sit."

This was her first time seeing you look so serious and concern for her. It was a sight to behold because she usually sees you in a more loser like state but seeing this side of you made her remove those thoughts away. She listened to your instructions as she sat back down on the wooden bench. You moved your back to your front side and turned your back towards her, kneeling down. Hanni widen her eyes as she even felt more embarrassed.

"Wha-What are you doing?"

"Well since you can't move. I'll be the one moving for you."

"N-No that's embarrassing. I'm no longer a kid."

You chuckled at her remark and said

"With an injury like that, this is the only way for you to move anywhere from your spot. Unless you want to be carried bridal style instead?"

It was your turn to tease her making Hanni fuming red. She has no choice, even though it was eng for her, she has to accept your offer because she clearly can't walk with her injury. In the end, she hopped on your back and you two began walking away. It was very quiet between the two of you as Hanni was in deep thoughts thinking of you.

"Are you always this nice to everyone?"

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

"What I mean is what I said. You seem to care for Minji a lot. Is this how you bewitched her that she's so clingy to her brother?"

Hearing her words made you laugh a little as this made Hanni a little furious.

"Yah, I'm being serious here."

"Okay, Okay calm down. I don't know if bewitched is the right term for it. I'm just really looking out for Minji because she deserve nothing but the best for her. She went through a lot in the past so I make sure that her present is far more better."

Hanni had to acknowledge your statement because it was true. Being friends with Minji made her learn a few things from her. She was a very good listener dispite the fact that she can't talk. She's a very soft hearted person and cares about the people around her. Her soft smile and warm aura just captives anyone and would melt with her behavior towards everyone. Of course sometimes, this would make Hanni feel self conscious of herself.

"What about you?"

"Huh? Me?"

"Yeah. Why did you become friends with Minji?"

She never really thought about that question before. Initially, she thought that it would be nice to be friends with someone preety and cute and as time goes on, she realized how much Minji was crafted to be perfect in everything. She would be lying if she said she felt jealous of her.

"I wanted to be friends with her because she felt lonely before. Honestly speaking, being friends with her is a blessing and a curse…"

You notice how her voice trailed off as you just walked slowly letting her speak.

"Being with Minji, I had a wonderful time being with her and somehow we just click. But there are times we're I…. Well, honestly speaking, I feel jealous of her sometimes."

"Oh?"

"I know your her step-brother and all and I shouldn't be speaking like this to her but sometimes, I really feel like that. She got it all. She got the looks, she's smart and she's so kind and yet I don't even have one of those…"

You can feel the pain in her voice when she said those words. You actually felt a little bad for Hanni because what she's feeling is what you're feeling whenever you see the famous students in your school. They have the looks and charisma, if not those, they have the brains and charisma that makes anyone believe under their palm. It was quite exhausting seeing those things but as time goes by, you began to appriciate what you are and what you have.

"That's not true Hanni. Who said you don't have the looks? You're preety cute actually."

Hanni widen her eyes as her cheeks began to turn red. But what's she's afraid of was the sound of her heart beat going faster and faster. A sudden came to her mind and all memories of her being with you flashed in her mind.

It felt like she was going through time seeing the moments that the two of you shared. All though it wasn't obviously a lot, there was a lot of times you actually looked out for her and for Minji. The way you made sure Hanni was eating well, was studying well, heck, even the time when you scolded her and Minji for staying up late instead of sleeping flashed on her mind. She already knows the feeling that was lingering on her.

It was the feeling of admiration.

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Perhaps maybe even bigger than admiration.

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Perhaps it was love.

"Y-You're just saying that…"

"but it's true Hanni. You're very pretty yourself. So don't look down upon yourself and say you're not."

Her heart was not gonna take it anymore if you spoke more about her. Her heart was about to burst from her chest and her cheeks was already red as it. In the end, she just stayed quiet while you carefully carried her in your back. The walk was rather longer than expected. Perhaps it was because of how the two of you converse more than usual that it felt like the walk was longer but enjoyable.

You finally stoped at her house as you gently lowered yourself allowing Hanni to stand up properly. The icepack worked like magic as the swelling somehow got small and her ankle was almost back to its original size.

"Can you walk?"

Hanni nodded her head as you smiled a little and grabbed her bag that was on your shoulder and gave it to her.

"Well I hope you get your ankle treated well Hanni."

"Ah, Y-Yeah…"

Hanni locked her gaze upon you as you stared back at her.

"Is there something you forgot?"

Hanni gulped. This was her first time seeing you in a different light and right now, her heart was beating so fast. She wanted to say the words thank you but her mouth was visibly shut down. Instead, she instinctively took one step but her ankle wasn't really there yet making her lose her balance and landing into your chest.

"Woah, Are you okay Hanni."

Instead of responding, Hanni hugged you tightly as you blinked a several times. Pham Hanni, your sister's friend who was always suspicious of you was now hugging you tightly as if there was no tomorrow.

"Thank you, Oppa…."

Hearing the word Oppa made you smile as Hanni was now finally, Finally comfortable with you. She was now finally okay with you. And that was a very rewarding feeling. But unknown to the two of you, Minji who wanted to visit Hanni in her house saw the scene unfolding on her very eyes. Let's just say she was left speechless after seeing that and her heart broke into thousand pieces.

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FLASHBACK END

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You were now at the end of the dark hallway and what greeted you was the giant arena filled with fans showing off their lightstick and a like. Felix and Chan were immediately on their fan boy mode on as you just smiled and watch the 16 idols appear on stage. As they appear, the loud cheers and chants can be heard all around the arena as Felix and Chan was shouting at the top of their lungs.

"Chaewon!! I love you!!"

Felix shouted as he made a heart shape out of his arms. Maybe they were at the VIP seats that Felix's effort was seen by his bias and smiled sweetly at him and showed a finger at him as well. Felix was losing his mind when Chaewon did that as he shouted and shook Chan like a mad man. Seeing your two friends going berserk is entertaining.

"Oppa?"

Your sorrounding held to a halt as the noise was muffled down. A voice that you haven't heard in a while made you turn around and as if everyone surrounding her was gone, she stood there standing so pretty.

"H-Hanni?"

Hearing her name made her smile and waved her hand at you. It's been so long that you couldn't even recognize her anymore but it's a good thing because Hanni was now a beautiful woman than she used too. But as much as Hanni is treated by the universe as the main character, a familiar female entered the frame that Hanni couldn't help but look to her side as both girls widen their eyes.

"M-Minji?"

Hanni said making you widen your eyes in surprise. Kim Minji, your step sister was infront of you and this time, you weren't dreaming anymore. There she stood and looked at you with her iconic soft smile.

"M-Minji is that you-"

She didn't let you finish your sentence as she dashed towards you hugging you tightly making you unable to do anything.

"C-Can you talk now?"

You asked her but she just smiled at you and softly shook her head. But then she suddenly changed her attention to Hanni who was in disbelief seeing Minji again.

The two stared at each other not saying anything as the thickness and atmosphere between the two girls were sharp that anyone that cut in between them would feel frighten by their stares. even though the two of them share a past together, they were both competitive with the person they love.

Pham Hanni, the girl who was annoyed at you at first change her perspective of you when she saw your kindness. she has never searched for anyone else except you because her heart was already sealed with yours. she changed for the better and the universe granted her wish to see the person that melted and conquered her heart.

Kim Minji, the girl carved the goddess. Nothing will ever change the fact that she continued to be a big part of your life and now, she's seekinng more than just seeing you. she wants to be with you along the journey called life and show you the love she kept for so long just for you.

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Chan was trying his best controlling his wild Friend Felix as he was about ecstatic seeing his bias notice him.

"Yah mate. Calm down, you might broke a bone or too with your excitement."

"What can i say?! Chaewon has been staring at me all the time and she's giving me smiles everytime I look at her. I just wanna die man."

"Calm your dick down. You still don't want to die just yet-hey look."

"What?"

Chan changed his attention to you and Felix saw the problem you have at hand as he himself couldn't believe it.

"No way, Y/N has two princess on his palm."

"It's not just any princess, It's that Freshman beauty Pham Hanni. Blud is so lucky-"

A person in black shirt who towered between them gave the two a hear attack. Felix was just joking earlier about dying because he wasn't ready yet to die.

"You two are asked to be at the backstage."

The man simply said making Chan and Felix look at each other in disbelief.

"Huh?"

Felix asked as the man sternly looked at them making them sweat bullets. Chan was calling out all the angels and saints for him to be saved from this while Felix was asking for forgiveness for all the wrong doings he had done.

"Izone wanted to see the two of you."

"What?"

The two boys said.

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#newjeans #pham hanni #hanni #kim minji #fluff #kpop fanfic

[accio-victuuri]

THE STORY OF THE 85 LOGO 🏍️

Since Yibo was spotted on the race track, the conversation around the logo is picking up again. This has been discussed so many times before & in bits and pieces but I want to give it a go and make my own version of it’s history. It’s a mix of the logo itself as well as the cpn speculation surrounding it’s origin. I’m not gonna talk about other related designer zz candies, this is only for the logo.

I used this video by R背靠大树好乘凉W as a guide on the timeline but i did my own fact checking and added a lot more points especially with Parts II-IV of this post.

I. THE ORIGIN

11/10/2018, Yamaha Racing Team weibo account posts the first look of the 85 logo. At this point, everyone already knew who this is supposed to be. It’s also cute how the time it was posted had the timestamp “28” which is Ai Bo, another clue.

“ driver number 85 is coming soon! “

1/19/2019, The same account officially shared that Yibo will be joining the MLT YAMAHA team for 2019 and Tracer 85 was born. Yibo also reposted this and replied with :

Happy New Year to all! ! ! ! ! racing career has begun! ! ! ! ☺️☺️☺️Please call me driver Wang Yibo! ! ! ! ～～～～～

1/29/2019, the draft for Yibo’s Tracer 85 racing suit was released by the weibo account. It prominently features “85”.

Now a key player in this whole designing mystery is DAINESE a company that describes themselves as: Dedicated to producing the most effective safety solutions in every arena where athletes continually push the human body and mind to surpass their prior achievements. From our motorcycle racing origins to alpine skiing, mountain biking, competitive sailing and outer space. So they posted about the racing suit itself as well as the helmet. Again, both things featured the 85 logo, along with other symbols that is an entirely different cpn on it’s own.

It’s so obvious that a professional company will make this for WYB. Even if we CPN that the logo was made by XZ, or even a rough sketch of it and passed on to Yibo, down to this company’s team to refine. There is just no way that XZ will write his name down as the owner of it, if we didn’t have that BTS video of their conversation about it then we won’t have a confirmation. Even if we have that video, there is still the probability that XZ didn’t follow through.

Then someone asked the company itself about the origin of the logo and they said WYB brought it himself.

The logo of No. 85 is not designed by us, it is brought by Yibo himself

Thank you for your support

If you look at the original post for the racing suit, the comments are all wf being so prissy about who designed it. I know that this post is supposedly about the 85 logo but the suit is a huge part of that. Also I think it’s about time to clear up the fact that cpfs are not trying to discredit anyone who made WYB’s gear. Why can’t we just be happy that he has a cool moto suit with the 85 on it? We are. We really are. It’s just that analyzing the elements within it is something that CPFs love to do. Not even for the relationship part of it but just to understand him better. The thing is, I don’t look at it and think only about how “handsome” yibo is. I also wanna know what it means. The details. This is something that represents him as a racer so I will naturally be curious about what’s on it. Not to say that so/os are shallow or anything, It’s just that we are two different kinds of fans. Our brains don’t work the same way. That’s fine. I wish people will one day accept that we all approach fandom in different ways. If you don’t like something— then ignore it.

So the conclusion here is, 85 was not an idea/logo made by the company DAINESE. Yes, they produced the gear and finalized everything. They were hired by YAMAHA to do so. However the one who drew that logo on a piece of paper is unknown.

Our best guess is Xiao Zhan. 🫶🏼

II. IMPORTANCE OF 85 TO YIBO

85 represents Yibo’s birthday, August 5. But it’s really became his “identity” when Tracer 85 was born. Even if he wasn’t racing, this number became a recurring theme & design with his endorsements. For example when he did a collab with Miniso, the goods had 85 on them.

He has moved to the “Panther” more recently but 85 and 0805 is still very much a Yibo’s thing. There are even endorsements that have 85 on the price they sell his items for ( example is Richora ).

So using 85 is not a spur of the moment thing and goes beyond his racing career.

III. OTHER SIGHTINGS ( of the logo )

Aside from the race track, the most important way the logo was incorporated was through merchandise. Whether it’s the custom phone case that only Yibo has —

or the infamous 85 cap which was repped by yinzheng. the sus part here is yibo commenting, only acknowledging the post but then yz had to reply back with : lemons grow on lemon trees, under the lemon tree there’s me. which means he is jealous and then yibo had to reply back with a series of emojis that makes things more suspicious.

sure, yinzheng can mean that he is jealous of the merch. that yibo has his own now and that the whole tracer 85 now goes beyond being a racer. but the cpf explanation to this is that he is jealous that wyb has someone that made this amazing logo for him too. it's really so cool to have your own designer at home.

a fan favorite would be this cap, released by Day Day Up in their WYB goods line back in 2020. What’s interesting is, the number of pieces available for it’s initial presale was 1005. LOL. 1005 is October 5, of course, XZ’s birthday. I think the number of pieces for a presale though not entirely up to yibo, may still be influenced by him. It could easily be 8500 pieces just to be meta but no. Why 1005? Is it a nod to the guy who made the 85 design? Plus if this logo was owned by Yamaha or Dainese, then why was it allowed to be used commercial by a completely different entity. Our answer is that it’s Yibo.

It’s curious that the cap received this special treatment, because out of all the merch sold in that line, it is the one that had the 85 logo in it’s original form. The rest had their own iteration of 85 but the cap is the closest to the “logo”. This is why a lot of fans, and CPFs specifically wanted to get it.

My favorite memory from when this line came out was the loud speculation about the logo and it’s connection to XZ. There were even talks of 🍤 buying something cause if XZ is the designer, then it’s also a XZ merch. This is the same year when 🍤 was going around SDC3 filming cause XZ was supposedly there. So yeah. This cannot be confirmed and no shrimp will ever admit but it was definitely a rumor going around that time. Looking back, that CPN was beneficial ( in a way ) to shrimps because it casts XZ in a good light. They know XZ’s capability so they can sort of agree to it. Not that we need so/o fans validating our opinions/speculations, but it’s a possible explanation to their reaction. Compared to motos who were angry with the association and insulted XZ. Implying that he isn’t capable, they can say that cause they don’t know XZ.

IV. Connection to Xiao Zhan “the designer” and candies

Turtles pointing to XZ as the designer is not only rooted in CPN, but the fact that making logos was his previous job. Even before the leaked video, it made sense to the community because after all, this is what XZ is good at. He’d done it for years in school and as a professional. There were photos of his previous work that leaked and he also talked about logo-making when he visited the bilibili office. Where he shared how frustrating it was to work with clients. More recently, in one his vlogs, we could see him explaining his thoughts on a visual logo for XZ Studio.

( video is about xz the designer, mostly talking about it during xfire / xnine days )

So his capability, closeness & familiarity with WYB at the time of the logo’s conception is key. CPFs are very familiar with how XZ makes art and logos for himself so to us it’s a rational speculation to think XZ had some influence on this.

There is another talk about Yuehua being the one who made it. They do have people who can make those right? However it was pointed out that with how they make logos for their other artists, it’s unlikely. They did claim the rights to the Panther, but the identity of the artist was left blank on the application. No one ever did claim ownership of this Logo or the Panther in public. Why wouldn’t they? It’s free promotion.

CPN Clues:

• 85 read as 28. Ai Bo + the Z.

• The Z is really my favorite clue 🥺🥺🥺🥺

• How it looks very similar to the M skateboarding logo. Which can also look like a 85.

• Some other explanation on what the 85 could mean. It’s XZ’s style to have hidden meanings aside from what you actually see.

• The minimalist design that screams XZ.

The 85 logo talk and cpn have really been in full swing when EVISU released those photos and I hope BXGs ( especially big accounts on the bird app and beyond ) will rein it in with the Xiao Zhan association. We already know how hostile the environment is so it’s best to not use his full name. It’s actually a common CPF way of doing things, not using their full names in our posts. As excited as we all were, the whole point was that tracer 85 is back, not the CPN. I know it’s tricky to find a balance with how our brains are wired, but you will learn. It should always be them as individuals first.

85 logo and all other “designer GG” is one of those CPN that is very popular and widely circulated in the bxg community — and with good reason. However, it is in no way to take away 85 from Yibo. It’s him. It is his brand and it will always be his.

This is one in a couple of “yizhan mysteries” out there that keeps the BXG flame alive 🔥. These (alleged) silent collaboration/s between them are so great because it shows how well they work together as a team.

-END.

#yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do #Youtube #85 logo

[jedibongrip]

a 'notwithstanding clause' - a controversial IRL political tool to add for a bit of realism in fic

Ive noticed (in many fandoms/fic but especially) in star wars aus and fics, many people toss around a notion of a planet joining the republic, but is given special privileges that allow them to continue practices that may be illegal. Sometimes when an author is describing the situation, it seems as if they're struggling to convey what they mean and figure out a name for it. In an effort to relieve some of that stress, and to help add fic writers add a dash of realism to their fics, may I introduce you to: The Notwithstanding Clause

(Explanation under the cut)

First, I want to begin with saying: obviously not every fic must or wants to achieve realism! Many authors are happy with the political systems of their fics being completely removed from any contemporary or realistic grounding. If that's your case, do not feel like I'm bashing on you. I just think this is an interesting (an EXTREMELY controversial) political tool which others may draw on when creating their fictional systems. So, without futher ado

Bongrip, I hear you ask, WHAT is the nothwithstanding clause?

the "Notwithstanding Clause", also called an 'override power', is a section of the Canadian Constitution which allows the federal, or provincial government, to override certain section of the charter of Rights and Freedoms for a specific limited of time

OR: it allows a government to make laws that contradict or override (IE. notwithstanding) one or more of our fundamental rights (for a max of 5 years, in the Canadian context). This prevents the new law from being struck down in courts and allows provincial governments to act more freely than they otherwise could

While some other countries have similar theories or laws, none are as broad, supported both legally and politically (IE in a constitution), nor do they cause as much controversy as the Canadian Notwithstanding Clause

(If you're interested in why this law exists, long story short: the specific mix of colonial powers and legal/political traditions, mixed with cultural/linguist tension, and well as fights over jurisdiction and power between different levels of governments during the 1980s when Canada was trying to write a Charter of Rights and Freedoms, led to the Notwithstanding Clause being added into the Charter as a compromise. Since it's part of the Constitution, it is both a legitimate legal and political tool, so long as it is used in a way that does not exceed the limitations set out by the Charter [IE: does not exceed 5 years, does not attempt to override any inviolable rights, and names the specific rights that it does violate, so it cant just be at random])

DISCLAIMER: IRL the Notwithstanding Clause is EXTREMELY controversial and, as one might guess, given that it's a law that says "yeah governments can ignore these rights and freedoms that are constitutionally protected", often support conversation and extremely prejudicial systems, institutions, and norms! It is also, necessarily, a colonial law, from a colonial system, in a colonial state! this is not an endorsement of the law but just a tidbit to help w/ world building, given than not many people outside of canada even know it exists

But Bongrip, I hear you ask, WHAT does this piece of Canadian Legal/Political Tradition have to do with my Star Wars fic?

glad you asked

as I said, i see some fic writers try to involve world-building when it comes to the political systems, institutions, and procedures of the Republic. I commend that; I enjoy that! But sometimes authors lack the knowledge or language to describe WHAT they want

For example:

Do you want to write a fic where Never-A-Jedi!Anakin overthrows the Hutts and Tatooine joins the Republic, but does not have to follow certain customs or rules? BAM! Notwithstanding Clause! Either in the Treaty Agreement (Basically: Tatooine will join the Republic, but can do X, notwithstanding Z laws as upheld within the Galactic Republic)

Or maybe: A Jedi goes to a planet with warring factions and is tasked to bring peace and understanding between the different nations. They must find a way to make a system and laws that can unify all, while respecting their differences and, perhaps conflicting, ways of life. A notwithstanding clause could allow for one governing set of rules, while giving each group an opportunity to dispute and implement their own understandings and views, within a set of limitations

Or anything else you can imagine!

Primarily, this gives a NAME and a BASIS for fic writers to describe something that I've seen many people struggle to explain in their fics: the HOW can i make X interact with Y, when law A is still in place but this place wants to do B?

i hope this helps!!! if anything isnt clear u can hit me up or consult google lol. i hope to see and encourage more world building and consideration for the legal and political systems in a galaxy far, far away!!!

#star wars meta #kinda?? maybe #fic writing #fanfic tips #star wars #i loveee when its so clear a fic writer is big into law or smth in fics i love u extremely well thought out political system for a 12k 1sho #m

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Behind the curtain

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)  

“Welcome to Port Bristol, we hope you enjoy your stay.”

Graf twitched in pain as the loud speaker but reached for his picture capturer and snapped a few shots as he exited the docking tube and entered the station.

“You really should be wearing these.”

Graf felt a tug at his arm and turned to see his mate Griega holding out a pair of noise cancelers. “You’ve always had sensitive ears.”

“And miss all of this culture.” Graf laughed as he waved his hand around at the bustling masses of people walking to and fro. “I wouldn’t want to miss this for the world.”

“And yet every time we return home you beg me to remind you to put them in the next time we are on a station.” Grieg sighed but put away the noise cancelers all the same. She knew all too well how stubborn her mate could be when he was studying his favorite hobby of xeno civilizations; which at the moment included one of his favorites…

Humanity.

Ever since they had been discovered some sixty years ago Graf had been obsessed with them. Grieg imagined that it was their often conflicting nature that drew her mate’s attention, but perhaps it was their often friendly nature instead.

They were on their way to visit her blood cousins on Zeffer IV which required a waylay at this human run space port. A fact that had only excited Graf to no ends as he currently rattled off photo after photo at the bustling terminal.

Griega walked over to a nearby human receptionist scrolled through the data streams and they pulled up the remaining data for their flight. “Your next transfer takes place in five hours.” She said with a smile.

“What are we supposed to do for five hours?”

The receptionist pulled up a digital display map of the station for Griega. “The green section here has a large variety of shops and restaurants for you to sample from across the universe.”

While Griega was nodding that she and her mate could no doubt pass the time easily there the receptionist highlighted the neighboring sections. “The blue section is for offloading cargo and the red section for more commercial and storage usage. We recommend that travelers limit their interactions to the green section to prevent getting lost within the station.”

Griega made a mental note of this as she went back to her mate and the pair of them made their way to the green sector. ---------------------------

Two hours had passed since then and already Griega was becoming bored. They had already walked the promenade of the green sector twice now and Graf’s bags were full with countless human trinkets. A bird that would chirp repeatedly to tell you the time, a plastic tray to freeze water into strange shapes, a pair of glasses meant to shield your eyes from the sun yet had strips removed across them. It was almost amusing how as soon as humanity thought of something they would immediately try to sell it, regardless of it had any practical functions or not.

Griega looked down at her chronotracker and saw that if they began walking back now they would only need to wait an hour at the gate before their next shuttle left. When she looked up to tell Graf as much she was surprised to see that he wasn’t there anymore.

“Graf?”

She called out but there was no response. Humans continued milling about her as Griega looked around for her mate. For a moment she felt the beginnings of panic swelling within her when the throngs around her parted for a moment and she saw him.

He was off to the side of the busy promenade talking with an unknown human. She couldn’t make out what they were but she could see the childlike expression plastered on Graf’s face. It was no doubt another merchant trying to pawn off his trinkets on what he must have seen as an easy mark and her beloved was eating it up wholesale.

As she made her way over to the two the human scribbled something on to a piece of paper and handed it to Graf. Graf took it and the two exchanged a human nod of thanks before the unknown human continued down the promenade without saying a word to Griega.

“What was that all about?” she asked as she finally reached Graf. She watched the unknown human continue down for a few stores before turning left and disappearing into one of the crowded side passages.

“The most fortunate of luck!” Graf replied giddily. “That human saw my interest in wares and told me of even greater stores to be found and they are just beyond the next few areas.”

He pulled up the paper the human had given him and saw that it was a crudely drawn map of the green section.

Something seemed off to Griega as she looked at the map and it wasn’t until she compared the distance to the grid map she had seen earlier that it finally hit her.

“My love, these directions would take us into the red sector.”

Graf looked at her confused for a moment before she realized he had not been with her when the human receptionist had explained the sectors prior.

“I was told that it would be best for us to remain here in the green section or by our gates, and to not divert further.” She finished.

Graf scoffed playfully. “They said the stores are still along the promenade that runs through there.” Griega did not seem convinced and so Graf relented to a degree. “How about this then; we shall go follow the main path there and if we do not feel comfortable we shall turn around at once, no questions asked.”

Griega considered the proposal and nodded as Graf smiled and led the way.

Despite the paper map saying it was only a few areas away the station was massive and “area” was quickly becoming a subjective term. They walked by what felt like six long city blocks following the directions. Each step felt like they were yet again entering another world as the lavish promenade of the green sector slowly gave way to less than desirable surroundings.

The lavish stores and clean streets degraded to dirty walkways and boarded up windows, once friendly and smiling passersby became more distant and unapproachable, and even the security staff who had freely given directions and assistance when asked now looked more militarized as they traveled in packs; their eyes always scanning the crowds as if seeing unknown threats.

If the temperament of the area was visible to Griega it was all but blind to Graf who still looked on with childlike wonder. He would stop every now and then to take a picture of some mundane item and act as if he had just witnessed the most beautiful aspect of life ever created.

Griega was just about to tell him that she wanted to go back when Graf stopped in the middle of the nearly empty street.

“Do you hear that?”

Griega stopped beside him and listened carefully. It didn’t take long to hear what had caught his attention.

Down one of the side passages the pair could hear a large amount of voices. Many of them cheering or shouting though of what they could not distinguish as the sheer volume made it all but unrecognizable.

Before Griega could say anything Graf was already walking down the passageway following the sound. “Hurry darling,” he said over his shoulder, “this must be one of the human celebrations I’ve heard so much about; we simply can’t miss it!”

“Graf, wait.” Griega called out but by then he was already too far down the passageway to hear her and so she quickly followed behind.

The passageway made a sharp left as the pair continued following the noise until finally arriving at their destination. A large gathering of humans stood around a wooden stage built into one of the nearby store fronts with a lone figure standing atop it. Lights panned towards it from every angle which only made the figure stand out more in their bright red uniform and strange cylinder like hat.

“As always we here at Moxxies Emporium of Wonder always love to see the crowds packed, bellies full, and wallets loaded.” The stranger on stage spoke. They must have had some sort of amplifier built into their outfit as their voice easily carried over the entire crowd as they began to cheer. Even Graf joined in and began hollering like they rest while Griega watched in uneasy silence.

She had heard of the strangeness of human entertainment, but this felt somehow different.

“Next up we have something special;” The stage announcer continued as they motioned off to the side of the stage, “a one in a kind item not seen in these parts for a long, long time.”

“I wonder what it could be?” Griega heard Graf ask out loud.

From the side of the stage the announcer had pointed to a figure slowly came forward.

No….Griega thought with horrified realization as the figured finally emerged from the shadows…..dragged on to stage.

Towering over the announcer and covered in chains, a Draxic was pulled out by three other humans all wearing the same uniform. Griega let out a gasp of horror as she saw the reptilian alien covered in scars; some visibly fresh as blood still dripped from them.

“I don’t understand…..”

Griega turned at the near whisper and saw her mate staring blankly at the stage. The look of wonder she had seen before gone and now replaced with disbelief.

“What are they doing with that Draxic?” he stammered to no one in particular, but before he could get a response the announcer spoke again.

“Standing in at 7.5 feet tall, this fine item is a walking wall of muscle and destruction you’d need a battle tank to stop…” They said with a cheerful tone.

The Draxic’s head shot round to the announcer and they made dashed forward with taloned hands outstretched. The three humans who had been holding the chains were casually cast aside like wheat in the wind as the Draxic let out a blood curdling roar.

Griega could see the bloodlust in the Draxic’s eyes and knew they were going to murder the announcer when the human pulled out a small box and pressed a bright red button on it. No sooner had they pressed it did the roar of the mighty alien warrior get cut off like a cat choking on air before collapsing to the stage.

Taloned hands clawed at the thick metal collar choking their neck but they could do no more than scratch it as the alien spasmed in pain. The announcer looked back at the crowd with a smile that could turn suns cold.

“Or a quick press from a pain collar.” They said as the crowd laughed and the three handlers took up their chains once more.

“You’ll need to keep a close eye on this one for sure, but as you can see he’s revving for some bloodletting! A perfect contender for a prize fighter in any number of death pit establishments.”

As the crowd cheered Griega and Graf could do nothing but look on. It was as if their bodies and minds had simply shut down from the debased cruelty put on display before them as if it was some form of carnival ride for children.

What made it worse was how calm and enthusiastic the humans in the crowd seemed as this space faring sentient species was treated like nothing more than cattle. Yet the worst was still to come.

“Shall we start our bidding at one million credits?” the announcer shouted as he began pacing up and down the stage.

“One five!” Griega heard someone shout from the crowd.

“One eight!” another shouted off to the opposite side as a hand rose up to signify the voice’s owner.

“I hear one eight, do I hear two million?” the announcer declared. Another hand from the crowd rose up with the reply “Two three!”

“Three million!”

“Three nine!”

“Four two!”

“Seven million!”

Like wildfire the crowd began shouting out larger and larger sums of money while the Draxic hung from his chains like a puppet.

She looked at Graf who appeared even worse than she did. He had dropped everything he had collected from earlier and now cradled his head with his arms. His mouth moved but no words came outl his eyes darting back and forth as the announcer gave another press of the pain collar activator causing the Draxic to roar in agenizing pain which only further enflamed the morbid bidding war before them.

Griega clutched her mates arm. “We need to leave.” She said as she eyes the way they had come. When he did not move she dug her fingers into his arm forcing pain upon him so that he would focus. “We need to leave now.” She said again more forcefully this time.

He didn’t resist and the two of them quickly fled back down the passage they had entered from to the main promenade. Behind them they could hear the bidding growing and the roars of the Draxic in pain as they continued sprinting with as much speed as they could.

No sooner had they reached the promenade that they ran headfirst into a squad of security staff.

“Watch it!” The lead officer shouted as they pushed Griega away.

“Oh thank the makers!” Griega exclaimed as she saw the security team. “You must come quickly!”

The look of annoyance softened slightly on the security officers face as he noticed how shaken she was.

“Something the matter?” they asked as the other two officers behind him kept their eyes focused on the few passersby.

“Down there.” Graf stammered as his wits returned to him. “There’s something horrible going on down there.” He turned and pointed back the way they had just fled. The lead security officer leaned to the side to see past Graf back down the passageway.

“They had a Draxic in chains and they were…they were…” Griega found she could not even describe the horror she had witnessed.

Looking down at Griega the lead officer looked over his shoulder and nodded to the two officers behind him. Each one reached to their belt and pulled out a shock stick and activated it with a flick of their hands sending shards of electricity dancing along its length.

“You two make your way back to the green section; we’ll take it from here.” The lead officer said as they pulled out their own shock stick and ignited it.

“But-“ Griega said but was silenced with a gesture from the officer.

“We’re trained for this miss and you’ll only get in our way.” They said calmly. “Just go back to the green sector; we can find you there later if we need more information.”

With that said the trio of officers began marching back down the passageway; the roaring crowd still audible even from here.

Griega let out a sigh of relief and went to hold on to Graf. “It will be alright dear.” She said softly to him. He was still in a state of shock but her touch seemed to comfort him as he grasped her arm and held it tightly. “They’ll go arrest those bad humans and free the Draxic from their binds.”

“Free’m? Ha!”

Griega turned to see another human sitting cross legged by the side of the promenade. Their clothes were worn and torn while their hands appeared clutching on to a half finished bottle of alcoholic beverage.

“They’z not going to set them free.” The strange human said as they took a swig from their bottle.

“What do you mean?” Griega demanded. “They just said they were going to take care of it.”

The human spit out large spittle of liquor and laughed at her statement. “Oh they’ll be taken care of al’right.” The human said, “They’re going to get some shocks for doing that so close to the main walkways.”

“What?”

Griega could not believe her ears but the strange human continued.

“Yeah, they usually hold da auction in a warehouse further in, but they got kicked out last week when a shipment of crab flakers came in and filled it up.”

They took another swig and giggled to themselves. “Old blue boies told them not to do it so close to da main walkies or they’d get trouble; bribe or no.”

“They….were bribed…” Graf spoke softly, “to look…away?”

The human nodded roughly. “Ten thousand credits a piece to find something else to do, an twenty thous if they get called in by a report to cover it up’ts.”

They smiled up at Griega and Graf with a grin missing several teeth. “Yo’z just got dem a nice pay day!” they said cheerfully before slumping over.

Griega said nothing, nor did Graf as the pair eventually walked away from the red sector. The events they had witnessed and the horrible realization that those in charge were not only fully aware of it but were complicit in it had driven the words from them.

It was only when they reached the edge of the green sector that Graf finally said something.

“Do you still have those noise cancelers?”

Griega looked at him in confusion but soon understood. The smile he once had was gone and the light of wonder from his eyes was drained beyond recognition.

She pulled out the devices and gently handed them to him.

“Thank you.” He said as he applied them and set them to max.

This culture was one he would now happily wish to never hear from again.

#HUMANS ARE WEIRD #humans are insane #humans are space orcs #humans are space oddities #science fiction #original writing #writing #niqhtlord01 #story

[tamavonpineapple]

Hi there, this question is in no way of asking you to rush you or pressure you or anything but out of genuine curiosity, are you still planning on continuing on your leosagi fic and aus?

Also, your fanfic is the first one I read that felt like it captured the personality of Usagi Miyamoto and his world perfectly and for that I am always excited when I find a fanfic that does the same with usagi as you do with your fanfic. I am always excited when I see your work whether its writing or art work.

@nrgsfancomics Hi, thanks for asking and thank you for your love and support, it really means a lot to me, and I'm glad some people enjoyed what I tried to achieve with turtle soup.

Regarding your question-- the truth is that I don't know. Is not that I don't want to, Usagi Yojimbo is one of those piece of media I fell in love with like, for real, it really inspired me to write fanfics again.

But, I'm a zelda fan first and I've been a zelda fan first since 2014, so I was kinda expecting that the release of the newest game will take all my attention upon its release. Apart from that, the second season of a webtoon I love has also come out (which I have referenced in my fanfic) and I have become hooked again... Likewise, I have taken up old interests such as pokémon hgss, bw/2, and some not so old interests such as shin megami tensei iv.

That being said, the project I really want to work on is The Seige of Sanrō, rather than Rabbit Stew... Maybe I can work on a closure for it, but it won't be what I originally planned. But I won't make any short-term promises.

Anyway, thanks again for your kind words and I'm sorry it's not what you were expecting to hear

#usagi yojimbo #miyamoto usagi #leosagi #usagi miyamoto #leonardo hamato #turtle soup #Rabbit Stew #fanfic #rottmnt #rise leo

[evangelifloss]

one piece

(Send me an anime and I'll tell you why it sucks)

You really went there huh, asking me about One Piece when the fans are completely fuckin rabid... thank you for the opportunity.

Ironically, I am a HUGE fan of media pirates. I LOVE pirate centred franchises/shows/movies, and you can bet that I have huge brainrot over the first 3 pirates of the carribean movies (anything after that is terrible and I don't consider canon). I even have a period accurate, hand made pirate get up I use to go to festivals... so why don't I like One Piece? By all accounts it should be my no.1 anime but well, let's get into it.

One Piece sucks for a multitude of reasons and while yes, the main known problem is the art regarding the women characters and I am on this team, I also have other opinions on why I won't ever continue the anime. To sum this first gripe up: WHY THE FUCK DO MALE CHARACTERS GET KICKASS CRAZY DESIGNS OF ALL SHAPES WHEN EVERY WOMAN CONSISTS OF : Pretty face, massive honkers, zero stomach, big hips, and long legs.

THERE NEEDS TO BE MORE BIG MAMA'S FOR FUCKS SAKE. Also why did the only uniquely designed female villain involve her making babies... like c'mon. Do we always have to add reproducing as a major plot/character defining trait for a woman?

With that said, onto the other issues.

For starters, it's completely inaccessible for the new fan. Unless you started watching when it was only 200 episodes long, which generally speaking, is already a commitment to some, as of right now you cannot expect someone to want to watch a series that has over 900 episodes that is still ONGOING. For a newbie, this is not only daunting, but it isolates them from engagement with the community. EVERYTHING is spoiler-town, and blacklisting one piece spoiler tags won't work because what is a spoiler for the newcomer, is old news to the fans. It is incredibly lonely to be unable to engage with the community because of how far behind one is. A huge character death related to Luffy regarding someone whose name starts with A is so well known now that I found a t-shirt with the panels of said death smack bang on display. For me, that was a MASSIVE spoiler... and i couldnt be angry because it happened a long time ago.

Now, I don't mind long animes, and a pirate anime with an obscene amount of eps should be a dream come true, but with the age of the series and length, ive been indirectly spoiled so much that i pretty much know all the important bits anyway, and with that onto my next gripe.

Anime isn't accessible any more because streaming has become incredibly regulated. I live in Australia, so my choices are already limited and I can't pirate the old animes due to every site being nuked. Do I support pirating anime? Not really, it's not my go-to but I don't have access to even trying out a "classic" any more. Luckily with one-piece, it's popular so it is available on a legal, paid subscription service. With that said, I'm not the wealthiest so for me, I can't afford to have a subscription. Ergo, I can't even watch one piece if I wanted to.

Which leads to the alternative: read the manga. Now this is possible, I can in fact do this and I have! I read pretty far and enjoyed myself but... I got bored. Nami's fish people story, Sky arc, alabasta, now those were bangers. Everything else was meh enough where I legitimately don't remember anything other than those three arcs. I don't expect every manga to have phenomenal arcs the entire time, but since one piece drags the hell on (anime more guilty of this) none of the other story arcs spoke to me. There was a formula to the story and it got repetitive. Frankly, I quit because I was bored.

With a 900+ ep anime following an even longer manga, whose entire narrative is based on finding the One Piece, no matter what the One Piece is, it will be massively disappointing. All this build up, mystery and hype regarding on what the treasure actually is cannot be resolved in a manner that fans will find satisfying. I can guarantee you that if the One Piece is the "friendship we made along the way" type deal, the fans will probably lynch Oda. If the One Piece is an actual treasure, which, compared to the intensity of the series as a whole, the fans will also probably riot. Basically since the whole story is so long and the mystery of the One Piece is over 20 years old, no matter what the treasure actually is, it cannot live up to the expectations anymore.

Also as far as I'm aware, there's no queer rep. I can forgive alot of it due to the fact One Piece started in 1997, but it's 2023 now and with the sheer volume of characters, world, countries, lore, I find it strange that everyone featured is GENERALLY ambiguous with an obvious leaning towards hetero. Do I want zoro and luffy to become gay? No! That's not what I'm saying. Do I want romance to be in this series? No. Not as a focal point. Do I think that there should be some diversity in the world the straw hats explore? Yes, absolutely. It's incredibly weird to me that with the massive universe of one piece, there isn't a single canon presence of queerness.

And don't get me started on early one piece racist caricatures. Again, started in 1997, not exactly a progressive time especially not in Japan. It is however, still a problem to me.

Also I miss Nami and Zoro's melanin.

#one piece fans dni unless you want to respectfully clarify a few things i might be wrong about #one piece #monkey d. luffy #op nami #op zoro #ronoroa zoro #op sanji #evangelliasks #evangelliply #eiichiro oda #oda eiichiro

[bluegalaxygirl]

Hello again 😁!!

I don’t know if this is okay to ask, but would you be comfortable to share something about yourself? I could be anything as long as your comfortable with sharing it and it’s also okay if you don’t feel like answering this. I’d just like to get to know you a bit better since you seems to be such a beautiful person. 😊

Thank you for all your great One Piece stories!! They always make my day and help me get through them. ❤️

Thank you so much for all the love and support you and everyone else have been giving me, i'm happy to talk a bit about myself and I'll put a Trigger warning down bellow when i talk about some stuff. I don't mind talking about it since it was a long time ago and i hope it shows that others aren't alone. Also this is way longer than i thought it would be.

So first off i'm a very creative person i used to write a lot when i was in high school mainly because i have dyslexia (BTW why do they have to make it hard to spell) and it helped me a lot to understand words and spell. I remember when i was 13 i had the reading age of a 5-year old but thanks to one lady, i got up to my own age in reading in two years (Something my primary school refused to do). I do a lot of other creative stuff too like art, cross stitching, card making (I'm currently making Christmas cards for my family this year, its snow globe themed), jewelry making, sticker making and i'm trying to paint figures again. I

I also like to write how i want to be treated or how people should be treated while in a relationship, with love, respect, kindness and understanding. I wasn't treated like that in my past relationships, nothing bad happened and i wasn't abused but there were times when i would have to "Remind" them of my boundaries. That's also a big thing for me plus communication, if there's a problem or something is bothering you then it should be talked about so you can both understand and maybe figure out a solution. I find it funny how i love writing romance and stuff but i can't stand romance movies, i 1000% hate them, i just find them so annoying.

I love making people happy and i believe that if you are kind to others then they will be kind back but i'm also no longer a push over. If i don't like you then i won't talk to you. Family is very important to me but unfortunately there are members of my family that i can't stand for one reason or another and i won't talk to them as much but if i'm in a room with them i'm happy to be kind unless their not.

My favorite flowers are Sunflowers, there just so big and happy and come in different color's and shades. I love anime and playing video games, my favorite is watch dogs 2 but i also love the south park games. I love anything to do with autumn/fall, pumpkins (I love to help my mum make pumpkin soup and pumpkin pie), horror, maple leaves, cozy jumpers and socks, it's also the perfect time to start drinking hot chocolate. :)

TRIGGER WARNING AREA

You don't have to read through this part, its just explaining what iv been through and why i'm ok about writing stuff.

I was bullied all through primary school and all through high school, calling it hell would be an understatement, it didn't matter how nice i was or if i told a teacher it would still continue. I was spat at, called every name under the book, had my hair pulled, got kicked and pushed around and yet the teachers wouldn't do anything. When i was in primary school one of my bullies pushed me off a climbing set and i broke my wrist, she said it was an accident and the teachers believed her. My parents were constantly fighting the school, but they had an excuse for everything and i couldn't be moved form that school since it was way better than any of the others around (I would have gotten treated worse in any other school). In high school i was heavily sexualized by the boys, after years of bullying and getting no where with anyone you end up just shutting down and not saying anything, i went years without telling my parents anything or complaining to a teacher because it would go no where. My parents new something was going on but without me saying anything or any kind of evidence they couldn't confront the school.

When i was 14 i was sexually assaulted by a boy on school grounds (I found out when i was in collage my bullies told him to do it and one of them would sleep with him, and they did), I started talking to my parents again after that, and we got the police involved unfortunately it was my word against his because the bullies who where the only ones around said they didn't say anything (Even though they said to my face that they did and laughed about it) and the cameras in the area didn't work, i still don't know if that was the truth or not. I ended up getting yelled at by the headmistress for getting the police involved and then told me and the boy should sit down and talk about it. My parents went off on her after that and i feel so stupid because when they said they were moving me to another school i told them no. I wish i moved schools but the school i went too was the only one going Photography GCSE's and i wanted to be a photographer and my parents didn't fight me on it. Luckily things got better after that i think my bullies were to focused on getting a good grade than me but it didn't completely stop.

I worked hard though and passed all except one and got into collage where i did Photography for 2 years, i loved it so much and am so proud of myself for getting a very high grade despite falling very ill in the second year and hardly being able to attend classes but the teachers and staff there were amazing and gave me everything i needed. The first year i had some problems, me and the boy who assaulted me went to the same collage and lived in the same town, so we would get the same train i did, i tried to avoid him but i noticed he started sitting or standing close to me on and off the train. The first time i realized he was basically stalking me is when i got to the station and deliberately missed the train i was supposed to get, and he didn't get on when usually he would. The next time i got on the train and then got back off once he was on, and he left the train too. We got the railway police involved, but they said because he hasn't touched me there's nothing they could do, but they did give him a warning. That warning made everything worse though, he started following me to class even when i was with friends, he would stand right in front of me or right behind me if i was standing on the train, he even started to follow me home. Finally, the railway police gave him a restraining order and it all stopped thank gods.

I was too shy back then but after a lot of therapy and learning self defense i became more confident and able to stand up for myself, i still have my moments of going into my shell but i try to fight back with words if i can.

[rollercoasterwords]

god it is so refreshing to see someone else bothered by the absolute nonsense that is marauders tiktok. im starting to think that people genuinely forget differing opinions exist and are ALLOWED. it’s so easy to see something you dislike and just. not? interact with it?

as for the whole death eater popularity thing, to me it’s like. who cares? if u don’t like it, don’t read it? ive seen ppl bring up the whole allegorical nazi thing as an argument which is SO uncomfortable and weird. jkr is an antisemitic piece of literal dog shit, WHY are we referencing her bigoted views? the whole point of fanon or fanfiction is to pull away from her beliefs and make it our own. even if it is canon ff, why would we continue that allegory? it’s fiction. they’re wizards. they can be the “bad guys” w/o being compared to a very REAL and very TRAUMATIC event, even and especially if that was what they were intended to be in the first place. this is supposed to be a place where people can participate and have fun without being reminded of reality.

just glad that this small corner of the internet exists where ppl like to use their brains!! nobody can dictate what other people do or don’t enjoy. nobody can dictate what others do or don’t do (in ff..obviously). if u (universal u) want to read or write regulus or snape or evan or barty or voldemort or umbridge or whoever, then go ahead. literally nobody can stop u.

yeah lol i mean i do enjoy a nice edit from time to time but most of the discourse i see just leaves me like. hm. i also have a bit of a grudge against tiktok simply bc people keep posting my writing over there without crediting me so!! not very happy that it's like...an environment where many people seem more concerned with getting views for themselves than actually like. supporting the people making the fics + art that they're enjoying.

as for the stuff with jkr. i've talked about my view on that in this post but essentially--i do think it's important to understand how her biases impacted the source material rather than just like. acting as if we can ignore her completely. because the work does not exist in a vaccuum, and trying to act as though it does risks unintentionally perpetuating the biases baked into the text.

that being said, i've seen some jewish people say that emphasizing that allegorical connection minimizes the very real history of nazis, and i've seen other jewish people say that it's upsetting to see people simply brush that allegorical connection aside. personally i do think it's important to be aware of that allegorical connection if you're going to be writing within the context of the canon universe, because you either need to make sure you're dealing with that portrayal sensitively in your story or alter it so that you're no longer drawing on that particular allegory in the same way that jkr was. outside of a canon universe, though, where death eaters don't exist...i mean i tend to agree with you that someone could easily make them bad guys in an au without continuing that allegory at all. and honestly as i've already talked about it seems like most people who are writing about evan and barty aren't even making them bad guys and are essentially just stripping away any canon characteristics and starting fresh with nothing but a name, in which case. well i think everyone should be allowed to do whatever they want with their paper dolls y'know.

and of course it is all, at the end of the day, fanfiction, and nobody has to read it who doesn't want to--which is why you will never catch me reading rosekiller fanfiction <3 personally i remain an evan and barty hater but that is simply because i think they're boring more than anything else lmao

#ask

[ezradogteeth]

do u have any advice or reassurance for someone who identified as a binary trans man for a long time and then realized he’s genderfluid and is kind of panicking about whether to come out again about it or just privately be genderweird and is questioning whether to continue hormonal transition? :)

i think its super normal and even cool to have transitioned as a binary trans person and later realized you're more genderqueer/genderfluid/nonbinary/androgynous etc. i know other people who have done the same thing, and i relate as well, more with my physical transition than my identity but yeah :)

i'd say for both hrt and coming out, it depends on what would make you happiest of course! if you aren't uncomfortable with people seeing you as male and think it wouldnt be worth it to come out again bc you're already fine with your social/external gender, its totally chill to just know you're genderfluid and be genderfluid on your own, no pressure to come out. but if you think youd feel more comfortable and understood if people knew you're genderfluid and maybe changed what pronouns they use for you (obvs u dont have to change ur pronouns if u come out either) etc, coming out again could be a good option! the people who love u will be excited for you figuring out yourself more and be happy to support you, i know it can be weird to come out again, but theres absolutely nothing wrong with changing how you identify. and remember u dont have to Formally Come Out all at once, u can also just tell your close friends one at a time when u feel comfortable with it, take it slow and casual, thats how ive been approaching changing my pronouns and some complicated stuff w my name.

as for HRT, i struggled a Lot to decide if i wanted to keep taking it, for months i was unsure. firstly i made a list of all the effects T had on me, positive and negative, and wrote each thing i thought about into two columns on a piece of paper (staying on T vs going off T) which helped me sort out on a practical level what going off it would mean. but its really all about the vibes lol like its completely cool for u to continue T and still be genderfluid, you don't have to meet any standard for androgyny, if you like being on T thats sweet. if you want to be read as more androgynous or feel like going off T would be more congruent with your identity, thats also great. and remember you can always go back on it in the future if you want!

everything i said was really obvious but yeah. its awesome that u have learned more about yourself and accepted it as part of you. whatever you do from here is up to you, and any path you take is great. personally, i find it worth it to re-come our to my closest friends and be open about changes in my gender identity and presentation, it helps me a lot even tho its a hassle to deal with. but as for acquaintances and strangers idc about coming out since any way they read me is whatever

it has been strange for me going very far with my physical transition (3years on T and had top surgery), and then deciding to go off T and present more purposefully feminine/androgynously. i love it tho its fun to explore now that i can choose with ease to be a boy or a girl or neitherboth etc since my body is v androgynous/masculine. love to be a girl with masculine features and love to be a boy with feminine features too. teehee

good luck i hope whatever you do makes u happy!!!

#transition #gender

[creampievampire]

insane that the catalyst for all this cs drama was me calling out how antisemitic and transphpbic the new hp game is and being told by someone who brought the game up that i was ruining their fun

a mod pushed the claim that i, a trans jew, was in the wrong and was making others uncomfortable, and when my partner tried to highlight how abhorrent that claim is, the group owner dismissed it and supported the other mod. he talked to them himself, being in a more senior position, and they refused to back down and insisted that i was bullying them and it was wrong

so my partner quit and took his resources with him bc why the fuck would he help these people after that? not to mention all the other shit thats been happening since august to alienate us within the team?

and those two immediately started doing damage control and trying to sweep every thing to meors under the rug, and its easy bc were assertive people who dont let people dogpile us and we stand up for ourselves. its really easy to twist someones words when you sit there insisting smths not an argument despite the fact that youre literally arguing, or when you they cuss and you dont, or when you circle around the issue and cry when they try to make you face it head on

ive always addressed shit ive said and done head on. i have nothing to hide lol all the fake posts these two mods are making about how much they appreciated our hard work are doing nothing but saving face and defending their image of this happy little family they want the group to be

so they can continue to lie, and people can hide behind the anon function and burner accounts as much as they want trying to call me out or whatever they were trying to achieve w that ??? like i dont even know lol it was a joke

i dont care

ive said my piece in that chat bc i felt driven to it w them brushing their behavior under the rug while we get thrown get under the bus once again

was i aggressive? fuck yeah i was. i dont owe you my fucking courtesy lol that groups gonna continue to be a toxic cesspool that pushes out and intimidates any genuine people from speaking up until it collapses in on itself bc no one in charge knows how to run a group

(again, this post is NOT directed at dusty, she wasnt responsible for anything in this - she was just steamrolled any time she tried to mediate anything or find a solution for anyone)

[peakyblindersxx]

whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 6 of ?)

gif by my queen @michaelgreys, i'm basically her fanblog now but im not mad about it :) i mean just look at him!!1! i almost fainted

a/n: first of all, if you stuck around to this point, tysm for reading!!! this has been one of the most amazing fics ive ever been a part of and it's all thanks to the gorgeous @stxdyblr-2k, who generously took control of the next few parts. her brain is beautiful and we all owe her flowers or something. when i read what she sent me i couldn't bring myself to change much except for some small edits, so pls give her lots of love if you like it!!!! i'm still working on requests as well :)

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four five | my masterlist

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03

prompt: nothing this good can last forever. john doesn't know how to feel, and neither do you.

warnings: nsfw! a teensy bit of smut, angsty as fuck prepare yourselves accordingly, a lil fluff if u squint, yeah this fucked me up

Obviously, it wasn't the last time.

Over the coming months you had many last times; his mouth pressed against your neck said as much. As his responsibility at work increased, you'd find yourself heading to his office after your lectures and night classes more often, perched on his lap, smoking, while he finished up his numbers under your critical gaze.

Thomas was more than aware; his snarky comments made it obvious he had his ways of monitoring your actions. You'd seen the dark car lurking outside your rallies and lectures, and no matter how you'd try to throw him off, not even telling Ada where you were going and even, in a moment of desperation, through your neighbours back window, somehow, his silent shadow was still looming. He was practically begging you to make a mistake, to give everyone an easy out. You just couldn't give him the satisfaction. You knew Tommy saw the world as a chess board, always several moves ahead of his opponent. Even when you played him in chess club all those years ago, you could outflank him if you thought on your feet and kept him thinking he was winning until you obliterated him in the end game. It was brutal, sure. But as he told you, there were bigger games at play. You had your own. Thomas could read your mail, intercept your phone calls and have you followed, but he couldn't hear what you said out of earshot. Your lot could smell an interceptor in your ranks, so spying at that close of a proximity was out of the question.

That's why he'd decided to let you have John. You knew his silent approval and his constant management of the narrative meant he saw a tactical gain. There was only so much information he could get from Ada, but John? He just had to agitate him in the right way and all your secrets would come tumbling out. It was difficult hiding your world from John; of what he knew of, he was supportive, quizzing you over current affairs and political discourse, listening intently. Yet, you had to watch your mouth. You had to keep a barrier up and you knew John sensed the distance. Fundamentally, there was nothing either of you could do.

So here you were, in a comfortable limbo. Your days were filled with work, evenings were for lectures and reading groups at the city's university, Ada and you often stopped for a drink or three; you'd go by your flat to freshen up, and then to John's office. Sometimes, you wouldn't visit for a week or so when the guilt sent you over the edge, it was draining to be living so many lives and knowing you were betraying the person you loved most on earth. Ada was oblivious, taking you on her nightly adventures filled with men, dancing and waiting while she was busy kissing in dark corners. Sometimes a young blinder would ask if you wanted to be walked home. The first occurrence you thought was sweet, but as the nights it occurred coincided with nights John seemed extra pent up, you'd decided to ask. The boy, who couldn't be older than twelve but who you knew was trained in using firearms and had a revolver pinned to his hip and a razor in his cap, looked confused.

"Mate, it's not a tough question. Why do you come and ask?"

"There's a phone call." He shrugs, "Isaiah or Michael tells us to go and get you."

Isaiah and Michael were somewhat aware? Fucking hell. Your fling was basically a military campaign at this point, so many of your friends were complicit. The little lads who ran as messengers around Birmingham were complicit. You had to just end it.

But when you sat on his thigh, his chin hooked over your shoulder, it felt so worth it. He never turned you away when you came crawling back. He never mentioned it until after you were finished, hooked under his arm.

"Fucking missed you, gorgeous."

Sometimes he'd remind you not to be a stranger with a wink, but you could tell it was tearing him apart too. He never once came to you. That's how he could justify it in his mind; obviously, the bare minimum was not having sex with his sister's best friend, but in failing that, waiting for you to initiate it was somewhat better. He barely talked to Ada now, citing work as an excuse, but truly the guilt sickened him. He couldn't believe he was prepared to continuously hurt his little sister and betray her. But every time you turned up at his door, he couldn't find it in himself to turn you away. In his mind, every single time you came to visit him was the last time he'd let it happen, yet he was always waiting for you to come back, his blind closed to signal he was prepared. He never would call, it had to be your choice.

You'd been off and on for over five months now. It was so difficult to hide in plain sight, but you just couldn't stop yourself. Neither of you purposefully meant for this to be happen but fuck, was it fun.

For your birthday he'd gifted you a fur coat from the same shop his sister, aunt and the fashionable crowd of Birmingham had purchased theirs. He joked that you looked like a "proper razor chaser", kissing you when you pouted at his teasing, begging you to wear only the coat when you fucked him next. It was a practice for blinders to buy a coat for their wives and girlfriends as a status symbol. You were neither, but John claimed that being his "favourite lass" also counted.

John was a laugh, but you knew at any time he could close his door to you. Until he decided he couldn't be bothered with you, you weren't going to get caught. You just had to be careful until he got bored.

***

You did end up putting a foot wrong. It was a Thursday night; you were sitting on the edge of John's desk while he was ridding you of your blouse. It was past midnight, Birmingham was asleep. You almost didn't bother coming out tonight, but you knew John had lost a deal and you wanted to be there for him. Your skirt and stockings were strewn across the desk with his shirt, vest and waistcoat, muddled into the files and papers which were once neatly stacked.

His fingers were pumping in and out of you, his mouth lapping at your breast, your head tipped back in euphoria, groaning. The stress made him more affectionate and tender with you, and it was nights like these that made you wonder. Wonder if this could ever be something more, something real.

John's body suddenly pulled away from yours, quickly turning the light off.

"John, what-" You were cut off by John’s hand over your mouth, muffling your words.

"Shut up and get behind the desk." He hissed. "Someone's coming upstairs."

You quickly grabbed your clothes from the shiny oak surface and crouched, hiding yourself from view, quickly making yourself decent. You weren't going to get shot through the head with your tits out. You listened to the stairs creek, and it sounded like a group. You two were easily outnumbered. They were talking, but the thick panels of wood muffled their voices.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, the cracks in the door giving the room a dulled glow, you could make out the figure of John. He was free of his shirt, toned body on display, standing with his back flat to the wall, revolver produced from a discreet notch in the door frame, gaze fixed on where they'd enter. He was tense, ready. The door was unlocked from the outside, the door handle twisting.

John's lip shifted in confusion yet still he kept his trigger finger ready, not a single shake from your general.

The light flicked on and a shriek rang out. It was blinding, and you stood up slightly dazed. Finn was in the doorway, John next to him clutching his chest, panting and lowering the gun.

"Jesus Christ, Finn, can't you knock like a normal person? Scared the shit out of us." John bellowed, shaking as the adrenaline coursed through his body, resting his hands on the edge of the desk as he regained his breath.

"You're the one who pointed a gun at me! I didn't even know you were in 'ere!" Finn yelped.

The commotion had attracted the attention of Ada and Isaiah, who had come running and stopped in their tracks upon seeing you standing behind John's desk in the middle of the night. They weren't stupid. John was topless, your clothes obviously rumpled, both with matching tousled hair and practically stinking of guilt. You'd been caught red handed. Ada's eyes flicked between both you and John, and you could practically see the pieces of the puzzle clicking together in her mind, all the moments she found questionable since you'd returned suddenly making sense, realising she had been deceived by the two people who she was meant to trust most in life. Finn looked absolutely crushed, he'd never been able to conceal his emotions as well as his older brothers and sister, linking his fingers through Ada's, squeezing her hand.

"I forgot to drop this off earlier." Finn stated, holding up a money box, "Ada had keys so we thought we'd sneak in so I wouldn't get done by Tommy. We did call round yours, Y/N. We thought you were in bed."

"I'm sorry." You said. It was not enough but you just didn't know what else to say. You couldn't make it right, you'd really fucked up this time. Tears pricked at your eyes, as Ada examined you in silence.

John stepped in front of you defensively. "Look, Ada-"

"How long has this been going on?" She asked, her voice shaking with rage. You and John exchanged a glance. "I said, how fucking long?"

"Five months, six in a fortnight." He answered.

Isaiah whistled lowly. "That's fucked. I thought it was only a few times, that it'd finished."

"Never really over when it's John is it." Finn interjects, you glance to him, were you just one in a long string? You shouldn't be surprised but it was easy to pretend he may actually care about you.

"You've been fucking around for six months behind my back?" Ada yelped, Finn trying to comfort her but she pulled away from him. "And you fucking knew Iz."

"I'd expect this from you, yeah? Wouldn't put anything past you these days.." she sneered at John, "But you? You?! You're meant to be my best mate, but here you are sneaking about fucking my brother?"

"Ada-" you began, eyes welling with tears.

"I thought I could trust you. You're just another fucking razor chaser, aren't you?" She spits. "That's why you came back."

"No it wasn't, Ada-"

Her eyes flashed with anger, but this time John was on the receiving end. "You bought her that fucking coat ,didn't you? The fur one. You did! Fuck's sake!" Her fists were clenched, shoulders squared. For the first time in your life, you understood why crowds parted for Ada Shelby. Understood all the free drinks and cab rides, the nervous serving staff declaring your meal on the house (always acknowledged by Ada with a hefty tip), understood why the men of Birmingham didn't last long with her.

"Did it feel good to swan about town in that fucking coat, while acting as though you cared about me? It's so fucking embarrassing. All trussed up because my knobhead big brother makes you feel special? Thanks for rubbing it in my face."

"Ada, I love you. I never meant to hurt you, I got caught up and that's on me. It's my fault."

"You're not acting like you love me. This isn’t what love is, Y/N." She retorted.

You couldn’t do anything but nod. She was right.

John opened his mouth to speak, Ada silencing him, a scowl darkening her features.

"I don't care what you have to say. Any of you. Who else knows?"

"Thomas, Michael, Arthur-" John listed off slowly, each name prompting Ada to break down a little bit more in front of you.

"I didn't know Arthur knew." You said pointedly, John sending you an exasperated glance. He was planning on dealing with that later, but right now was about his sister. Fuck him if he thought you were going to stick around much longer. You didn't want to hear him justify everyone else knowing about your fling with your best friend being left completely in the dark.

"That all you have to say for yourself?" Ada snaps at you.

"I have fucking no defense, do I Ada? I should've walked away." You pushed your hair back, frustrated at yourself, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You begged yourself not to cry. Tears wouldn't help anything.

"Why didn't you?"

You didn't know. Your silence only riled her up.

"Why didn't you fucking walk away?" Ada yelled, slamming her hands on the desk.

You felt hot tears run down your face, quickly moving your hands to dab at your tears.

"Don't you dare fucking cry. After all you've done, you don't get to cry in front of me." Ada growled at you, John going to shush her, obviously wanting to comfort you. "You can all fuck off. You've all lied to me and gone behind my back. Fuck’s sake, you could've just told me. You could've just told me."

"We didn't want to hurt you." John said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder but she flinches away.

"This hurts so much more. You get that you all lying to me is so much worse, don't you?"

"We weren't thinking."

"You really fucking weren't." Ada laughs bitterly, shaking her head, blinking away tears. "Fuck you lot."

She stormed out, tailed by Finn, begging her to slow down and talk to him, protesting his innocence in the situation. Isaiah hesitated in the doorway, his eyes flickering between you and John.

"I had no idea you two've been at it for so long."

"Iz, fuck off yeah? I've had enough today." John shot back, sliding across the desk towards you. "You alright, lass?"

"We're done here, John."

He slid off the table, his hand cupping your face, "Hey, gorgeous, I get it but don't go breaking my heart tonight. Can we just leave this for tomorrow? Sleep on it."

The idea of getting any sleep at all tonight was laughable, you'd be up all night replaying these moments and torturing yourself. Tonight couldn't get any worse so you had to finally end it. Now was the right time.

"John, it should've never happened."

"But it did."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."

"Y/N. You know for me it was never just about-"

"You're making it difficult. Stop making it difficult. Whatever you say isn't going to change that right now we have to do the right thing."

"I know you're right, but I don't want to let go. Is it so wrong to want you? I adore you, you know that."

You wouldn't meet his eyes. Sighing, John pressed his forehead to the side of your head, chin brushing your shoulder, eyes closing. He was begging you to stay with him. There had to be a solution, you'd figure it out together. His voice was cracking, eyes glassy. He looked so much younger when he was pleading. The tall bloke who terrorised the Midlands with his razor rimmed cap, a revolver in his hand, and a ruthless trigger finger had vanished. You wanted to stay, burning to curl up with him and for him to kiss it better.

"I should go." You told him. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, letting out a shaky sigh before pulling away, nodding.

"I'd drive you home but obviously-"

"Obviously."

John suddenly turned from you, eyes narrowing at Isaiah who was still hovering at the door. "Thought I told you to fuck off. Make yourself useful and get Y/N home safely." His tone was ice cold once again.

Isaiah nodded, offering his arm to you. You reached the door and instinctively looked back at John. His eyes met yours, staring at you from his desk, just as you knew he would. He prepared himself to watch you leave every night, but this time was different. That was it with you two.

Isaiah strode down the street with you in silence. You were tucked into his side as was customary with the upcoming blinders who were particularly ambitious, but there was no relaxed chat.

"Isaiah. What’re you thinking?" You asked, voice tinged with nervousness.

He sighed, running his free hand across his jaw, "That was intense in there."

"Just how he is." You shrugged.

"Does he love you or sommet?"

"Fuck knows… does it matter?"

"Of course it does. Do you love him?"

"Drop it. None of that matters, it shouldn't have happened in the first place so it can’t," You snapped, the anger at the situation you'd created suddenly overwhelming.

Isaiah whistled, raising his brow at your obvious turmoil. "You're in fucking deeper than you want to admit."

He walked you up your path, watching you turn the key to the side door leading to your bedsit. You paused, turning to him.

"Iz… I don't know what to do next."

It was so dark, you could see his face only by the lit cigarette burning to embers between his fingers. He inhaled deeply, pausing before delivering his carefully laid out plan of avoidance. Obviously the event of him crossing the Shelbys and losing their good graces weighed heavily on his mind. You nodded, listening intently, noting his ideas of relocation but he explained they were a final resort. The best thing to do was try to regain their trust; in the long run, he had calculated, it was the only option that didn't result in your life being haunted by the Shelbys. Even if they left you alone, their enemies would make a point to go after you, seeing you as an easy target. The other option was to leave the country.

"Good luck, Y/N. I mean it." He muttered as you turned the handle to the temporary safety of your home. You nodded, offering you cheek for the polite good night kiss you'd become accustomed to. He rolled his eyes and obliged, pressing an affectionate kiss to your cheek and ruffling your hair. "I'm serious. Watch your back."

***

John broke down when he finally heard the lock click shut. His eyes had been prickling with boiling tears, his jaw tensed to hold them back. He yelled out in anger, flipping his desk with force, a loud crash as the wood splintered against the stone flooring, glass shattering from the photo frames. His hands went to his head, unable to stop the gasping breaths escaping from his trembling lips, his face reddening.

"Fuck’s sake." He growled. He'd fucked everything up. He had nothing, just as he'd told you the first night you returned. The consequence was no surprise, he'd anticipated the fall out for a while, but he couldn't resist you. He was completely guilty and had no defense; his only justification being that you made him think with his cock, not his brain.

Fuck’s sake. Polly was going to murder him. She'd always had a soft spot for Ada, as the only girl in the family, and was no stranger to lecturing him over his flirtatious behaviour around Ada's friends. She'd murder him. He had a half mind to never go home. He rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. Polly had no use for tears. That's what she'd tell him when he was a boy coming home with a skinned knee. This was far worse.

He was also sure that he was a worse brother than Tommy, perhaps the worst in the world. His baby sister, who he'd helped to toddle, carry proudly on his shoulders after school and race with her on his back through the fields on the outskirts of Small Heath, had walked in on him obviously in the midst of fucking her best mate. If he had swallowed his pride and actually talked to her, he wouldn't be in this mess. He could've told her that things changed, that for the same reasons Ada loved Y/N he had fallen for her, that he was truly sorry but she had to know before it got too far and someone got hurt. He couldn't go back.

He should've never approached you that night.

He should never approach you again.

He looked over the mess of his office, the splintered wood and shards of glass, a confetti of paperwork. Now nothing mattered. None of this mattered. He'd lost everything and he had only himself to blame.

#john shelby imagine #john shelby x reader #john shelby fluff #john shelby series #john shelby fanfic #peaky blinders fluff #peaky blinder fanfic #john shelby smut #peaky blinders smut #peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader

[boydykedoctor]

Okay genuine question I'm trying to understand the appeal of clauman bc I guess I kinda see it but feel like I'm missing something can u sell it to me pls

The Official Clauman Treatise

clauman (noun): the stranger things ship consisting of murray bauman and scott clarke

ugh okay there are two schools of thought we can take here which are characterized by complete irony vs. sincerity.

i. irony

clauman began as an ironic ship to make fun of the way fandom culture insists on cramming every character into a ship + the absolute most random/absurd pairing you can think of + that post going around that's like "i headcanon these characters as divorced" which led to my horrible brain saying "wouldn't it be funny if i created a headcanon that disgraced ex-journalist murray bauman and bubbly earth and biology middle school teacher mr. scott clarke once had a terrible, no good, very bad hookup at a science and technology convention in. uh. fuck. i don't know. indianapolis."

then, because it's been a long fucking time since season 3 dropped, i said, yeah. let's post about that nonsensical monstrosity as much as humanly possible until i can memeify it for me and a few mutuals.

examples of pieces from the ironic school of clauman:

the clauman moodboard

the clauman playlist

"ugh you know what we’ve already established in hawkinunsolved (gayeddiemunson) canon that murray is glasses 4 glasses which means either his hookup with mr clarke was pre-lasik or this all falls apart" (source)

ii. sincerity

now the problem with the ironic approach is that i can rationally explain it, as i just did up there ^ BUT the fun of clauman lies in its complete irrationality. if one were only to support clauman ironically, then it becomes too rational and is therefore no longer 1. completely absurd and 2. inflammatory.

as a side note, it is vital to clauman's continued existence that it is inflammatory. this boat is kept afloat by millie @robinsteve who is always and forever will be leading the anti-clauman charge. this is very important work she does for the cause of clauman because one cannot rebel without an establishment to rebel against (Big Mileven, Big Byeler, Big Jopper, Big The Other One).

SO if we're gonna keep this up, we have to also engage with clauman sincerely. this led to an era of me making posts such as the following:

"i do think i mighta Perceived clauman a little too strong by accident. the dynamic of dorky, incredibly earnest elementary school teacher and eccentric former-journalist-turned-conspiracy-theorist… just saying" (source)

"reason #46 to support clauman: it forces murray to have his own embarrassing drama that other people get to point out to him for once" (source)

"clauman could do when harry met sally" (source)

i am always threatening to write the ultimate clauman one-shot fic that cements their convention hook-up in the gayeddiemunson canon. there is no telling what this action would do to the current political climate and whether the fic would end up more on the ironic or sincere end of the spectrum. i imagine it will end up being a grotesque hybrid of the two.

iii. a meta layer

the extra meta layer of these two different schools being irony/sincerity also coincides with the two opposite attitudes of murray/mr. clarke so no matter how you choose to engage with the concept of clauman you are actively participating in reifying the clauman dynamic. i don't care if that last sentence doesn't make sense to anyone else because it makes sense to me.

iv. how to decide if clauman is right for you

i've taken the liberty of creating a helpful graph that can help the average stranger things fan locate their alignment. now, i wanted to create something that was a little bit complex because i am a nonbinary bi?sexual. this isn't a fucking kinsey scale, oh no. this is serious business.

for example, i would be in the top left quadrant, while millie would be in the top right. the majority of my mutuals fall into the bottom right quadrant, though some are closer to the bottom left depending on how funny my posts are.

thank you for coming to my tedtalk

#long post #ask #clauman #ASK AND YE SHALL RECEIVE #sorry for doing this to you #willbyersenthusiast #mom look i wrote a pastiche of queer theory!

[scarlettscribbles]

she used to be mine

- Anthony Bridgerton & TwinSister!Reader

Tags: 4k words - 3rd person POV, sibling fluff, family fluff, Anthony/Siena (not the main focus), Anthony is a soft boi when it comes to you (the softest, in fact), mourning

Warning/s: a bit spicy at the beginning, mild injury, mention of blood, major character death

Summary: A question from Siena about love sends Anthony into the past; making him recall his memories of a sister long loved, but never forgotten. A story told in moments. 

a/n: don’t mind me, just manifesting my angst and bridgerton needs >> titles from waitress the musical

i. it’s not simple to say

“What do you think about love?” 

“Love? What’s this all of a sudden?” Anthony laughed. He captured between his hands Siena’s own and kissed it playfully, making her giggle. “What do I think about it, well. I love kissing you, touching you-” he planted a soft kiss on her collarbone as his hands trailed down her abdomen. “I love--”

“Okay, no stop. That is not what I meant at all!” Siena stilled his wandering hands, laughing. She snuggled closer until they were chest to chest. “Love with your friends, family,...women.” she waggled her brows at the last word.

“Women, hah.” Anthony cast his eyes upward. “The only women I’ve ever loved are my mother and five sisters.”

“You mean four.”

“What?”

“You have four sisters: Daphne, Eloise, Francesca, and Hyacinth if memory serves correctly. Unless your mother’s pregnant, which I believe is unlikely. My lord, did you perhaps miscount?” Siena teased. 

“No, no.” he waved his hand, chuckling. “She…”

ii. i still remember that girl

She was born 9 minutes before him; the eldest Bridgerton. This was a fact she liked lording over him teasingly. She won many arguments by simply stating “I am the eldest Bridgerton and therefore…” 

Sometimes he could still hear her say it in his head. 

“Remind me why I’m accompanying you again?”

“Because I am your older sister and--”

“I should always agree to what you’re saying, blah blah. Oh this is so crowded! Why could you not just send a maid to fetch the book?”

“Well what’s the fun in that? Come on Tony, you’re being too slow! It will be nighttime when we arrive there and the book I wanted will be gone!” she moaned miserably, turning around and tugging on his hand to encourage him to make haste.

“You and your dramatics. Why is this book so important anyway?”

“It simply is. I need it for when I become the Viscountess.” she smiled at him, chin jutting out proudly. “I can’t wait to get Papa’s watch. I will get it right, as Viscountess? He will pass it onto me along with the title.”

“Uh no he won’t. I am the heir in case you have forgotten, sister.”

“But I am the oldest. We might be both 10 but I am 9 minutes older than you.” she argued, waving her pointer finger at him. 

“Yes, yes you’ve said that like a million times now! But you’re a girl, so you can’t. You shall marry some guy, not that there are any worth marrying. Why just the today I saw the son of that family I cannot remember for the life of me, doing something horrendous! I think it would be better for you to stay away from any and all men.” Anthony paused, realizing that he was - or is soon going to be - one of those men. “Except for me and Papa, of course.”

She merely looked at him in amusement. “Pish posh.” his twin huffed, eyes glinting in the sunlight. “I’m not going to exchange my ambitions for some mere man. You shall see Tony, I will have that watch. Now come on!” she dropped his hand and gathered her skirts, ducking and maneuvering between the throng of people. Anthony felt a tinge of panic, seeing his sister slowly becoming engulfed by the crowd. 

“Sister wait!” he started to chase after her. He saw the blue tail-end of her skirt when someone bumped into him. He whirled around to complain to whoever it was; however, he seemed to have miscalculated the strength of his spin and tripped, landing on his bottom. “Ow, hey watch it!” he shouted at the people who accidentally kicked him, not noticing his figure on the ground.

Anthony hissed as he dusted his pants. He examined the palm of his hand and noticed scratches from when he landed too roughly on the floor. There were spots of red slowly making its way down his hand, along with drops of water.

Oh. He was crying. 

“Where are you?” his voice warbled. “Sister…”

Has she left him, truly? Surely not. His twin is many things but never cruel. She was tenacious, smart, and…

“Tony! I let you out of my sight for a second and - goodness!” She ran over and knelt in front of him, glaring at the people who would come too close. They parted for her, giving them a wide berth. “Here, take my handkerchief. We should get home and wash your hands. We don’t want it to be infected. And your clothes are a mess, Mama is going to have a fit. Come now,”

“But your book?” he sniffed.

“Eh, I can get it some other time.” she smiled and patted his cheeks. “Don’t cry now, sister’s got you.”

...kind. She was kind.  

iii. reckless just enough

Anthony was sulking. Not that he’d let anyone know. Papa had gotten angry with him. It wasn’t even a big thing. He simply...borrowed his watch to look at it. Anthony thought maybe he could figure out what made his twin so interested in it. It was a plain thing, nothing special maybe besides the monogram. He didn’t mean to drop it from the stairs. He really didn’t. He heard his name being called for lunch and he jolted.

He got a dressing down from Papa with his siblings present; Benedict and Colin in particular snickering at his plight. It was embarrassing. As soon as Papa dismissed him, he ran for his room, ignoring the calls of his twin. 

Right now he was hidden beneath the curtains and behind his bookshelf. Did Papa really have to scold him at the lunch table? Anthony buried his face between his hands. 

“You didn’t eat.”

Anthony banged his head on the wall when he looked up too fast.

“Are you okay?” his twin asked him, smiling amusedly. She carried with her a plate with bread, cheese, ham and a slice of blueberry pie. 

“Don’t laugh at me.”

“I’m not.”

“You’re smiling.”

“Laughing and smiling are worlds apart, Tony.” she shook her head and sat beside him, nudging him insistently until they were shoulder to shoulder. She slid the plate from her lap to his. “Eat.”

Anthony looked at her blankly. “Are you so distraught that you cannot eat? Do you want me to hand feed you like a child?” She made a motion as if she was going to grab the plate but Anthony shooed her hands away.

“I’m perfectly capable, thank you.” he stuffed a piece of bread in his mouth. “How’d you find me anyway?”

“Please swallow before you talk.” she said. “And, this is your room Tony. I’m simply using common sense.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.”

Anthony picked up the ham and cheese and continued eating. For a moment, they just sat there in comfortable silence.

“It’s unfair.” Anthony said, breaking the silence. 

“What is?”

“Papa.”

“How come?”

“He was way too angry. I didn’t mean to drop his watch! And it wasn’t even broken. If it was, he could’ve repaired it easily.” he pouted.

“You could’ve also just asked him to look at it. You know, in his room. Where you can’t drop it from a height and possibly damage it.” she replied with a bit of sarcasm.

“Fine, yes, I could have.” he conceded. “I just don’t know why he was so angry.”

“It’s important to him.”

“It’s just a watch.” Anthony rebutted, pouting. His twin gave him a look that he knew meant “you look adorable but also stupid.”

“Nah.”

“No?”

“Nope.” she answered. “For one, it’s an heirloom. Heirloom is defined as -”

“I know what it means.” Anthony waved his hand. “Do go on.”

She gave him a faintly annoyed look which merely made him smirk. “I shall, and not because you told me to.” she cleared her throat. “The watch being an heirloom is just its value as a thing. There’s also the sentimental value. The memories and emotions attached to the watch. For Papa, he treasures it because it - probably - reminds him of grandfather and grandmother. Grandfather especially. Because he was the one to give the Papa the rights and responsibility for our family.”

“Is that why?”

“Why what?”

“I wanted to know what makes it so special for you.” Anthony shrugged. “You always talk about it, about getting the watch when we become older. I didn’t see the big deal. Is that why it’s so important to you too?”

“Yes, quite.” she answered. “I want to take care of our family, Tony. I know I can, I just do. I don’t want me to just be a wife. I’m meant for greater things. Also,” she grinned at him. “I want it so I could count down the seconds until I see you again.” 

Anthony fake gagged, pretending to chuck the bread and cheese onto his twins’ lap. His twin scrambled away far from him and yelped. “You are disgusting! Mama! Anthony ruined the new dress that we just got!”

“I did not!”

“You were about to!”

iv. i was never attention’s sweet center

It was just a stupid, off-hand comment from Benedict. Anthony knew his brother meant no harm but still, the comment hurt.

“Maybe she truly should have your title, brother.”

Anthony was no stranger to her loud and obvious wanting to inherit the head of the house. In fact, he supported his twin. If Papa permitted it, he would gladly concede to you. However, it was unspoken between the twins the knowledge that Papa would never agree to such a thing; no matter how much he loved his eldest daughter. 

Anthony was no stranger to her excellence either. While the both of them worked hard to set an example for their younger siblings. He always thought she was great at everything a girl should be and more. Though the ‘more’ part would never reach the ears of their mother or anybody else. Nobody should know that Anthony taught her how to sucker punch anybody that vexed her except maybe Benedict and Colin...also Eloise. That girl was far too curious and also far too attached to Benedict. Anthony thinks in the privacy of his mind that if she were a boy, there would be no quarrel that she’d get the title.

Other people also thought the same. Though they expressed it in a much less pleasant way, in words Anthony does not care for. They speak condescendingly. They speak of her gender with pity in their voices, their admiration twisted. They mention that her excellence should be toned down, that she should focus instead on things better suited to her. They speak of how inadequate Anthony is, how poor that a boy be overshadowed by a girl. They theorize how Anthony must hate her for taking all the spotlight. He hears all this, and she does too, seeing as they’re almost always attached at the hip. If it bothers her, she does not speak of it. 

They speak of lies. Anthony thinks that her abilities suit her as they are and that no matter how bright she shines, it would never be something to be upset over. He basked in her light. They are wrong for thinking that she’s taking a piece of his life away when in truth, she completes it. Best friends, twins, soulmates; he loves her and she loves him. Still, their words leave a mark.

So when Benedict said that albeit in a teasing manner, Anthony just ran away. As he got older, he found it the preferable way to escape his problems. If he could not run to her then he must run away. 

Anthony hugged himself as a strong breeze blew and made the unoccupied swing beside him rock.

“Tony.” And there she was. His twin was holding a book. She sat at the swing beside him. 

There was silence. The only thing he could hear were the wind, the scuffling of his feet, and the soft sound of her flipping the pages.

“Sister,” she did not look up from the book but she hummed, signifying that he was heard. “Why did you come out here? It’s better to read inside, surely.”

“You’re upset. Of course I would come.” she said matter-of-factly.

“Did Ben tattle?”

“Ben? Tattle? His mouth is tighter than a woman’s corset when it comes to secrets.” she laughed lightly. “Surely you know better than that.”

“Yeah, I do.” he smiled. Since they were little, even if they were distances apart, both of them would always know - or at least had an inkling of - what the other was feeling. During their early years they chalked it up to magic but now they both just conceded it as a twin thing. “Actually, I don’t. Know better, I mean. Everybody seems to think so. Am I inadequate, sister? Dumb perhaps? I feel like I cannot do anything right sometimes! Compared to you I - “

His twin laid a hand on his shoulder. “Tony.” her brows were drawn and her lips pursed. “First of all, there is no comparison brother. I am me and you are your wonderful self. We are both excellent, please do not doubt yourself of that no matter what anyone says. And I know they say a lot. I’m just so used to tuning them out that I never considered that you might not do the same. I’m sorry.”

She stood up and drew him into a hug. Anthony’s arms stayed limp at his side. “People will flap their mouths because that’s what they do; say their opinions even though it’s unwelcome. If we tried to stop every single one of them, why I believe it’ll take all our lifetime and more!” she chuckled. “We cannot change them so we must change how much we’ll let their words affect us. Their words don’t matter at all! If I could, then I would shove those words back up their mouth and let them swallow it. Which I don’t know how to do. D’you suppose punching them would work just as well?” Anthony laughed wetly at her quip. It would work but it would also involve somebody calling Mama and Papa for her ‘inappropriate behavior’.

“What I know is this.” she grasped his shoulders and held them so she could stare at him in the eyes. Anthony met her determined gaze head-on. “You’re good enough Tony. Hell, you’re excellent.”

Anthony sobbed and quickly drew her into a fierce hug, his tears surely wetting her dress but he knew she didn't mind. “That is as sure as the sun that rises in the east. As sure as our family’s love, and ours for each other.”

v. bring back the fire in her eyes

It started with a cold. She had stayed up too long outside and now she’s bed-ridden. Anthony crossed his arms at the corner of the room as his younger siblings ran around. In his opinion there was too much ruckus for her to properly rest. However, Mama brought it up earlier and his twin just waved her concern away, stating that some liveliness will do her good. And who was Anthony to go against the wishes of his dear sister? It doesn’t mean that he has to like it though.

“No you’re the troll!” Eloise insisted.

“I was the troll last round!” Colin argued back.

“Now, now,” Benedict placated them both, then he glanced at Anthony in a way that promised mischief. “Why don’t we let Anthony be the troll then? He certainly looks the part with how grouchy he is.”

Daphne giggled. “And how he’s guarding his corner.”

“And how horrendous his face looks!” added Eloise. 

Now he’s had enough. “You all look far too happy for someone who’s going to be troll food soon.”

“Troll wuh - AAH!” Eloise screamed as Anthony lunged at her. She took off with a sprint and soon the other Bridgertons followed as well, laughing boisterously. “Noo, Ben save me!”

“This is survival of the fittest -”

“Survival of the fittest your face!”

“Ehem.” Suddenly all motion stopped. Colin face-planted on the floor, caught by his momentum. All eyes went to the door where Violet Bridgerton stood along with a maid. She had a smile on her face coupled with a vaguely exasperated expression. “I’m glad you’re having fun but please take you playing outside. I need to tend to your sick sister.”

Various moans and complaints filled the room but only with a raise of their Mama’s brow, they filed outside the room, murmuring farewells and well wishes to the sole occupant of the bed. All except one. Anthony remained rooted at the side of his sister’s bed.

“Anthony, please.” Violet gently said. A complaint was on the tip of his tongue when a hand laid on his bicep. He looked at his sister, looking frail among the covers but she merely smiled and shook her head.

“I’ll be fine Tony.” she said. “Go and check that our siblings haven’t set the house ablaze or anything.”

For a moment, both of them just stared at each other. A silent conversation passing between them both. Anthony sighed. “Get well.” he bent over to press a kiss to her forehead. “I’m not sure I alone will be enough to stop them from doing that.”

She laughed. “You will be.”

vi. sometimes life just slips

It was only supposed to be a cold. A cold. 

Someone almost barreled through Anthony as he, Benedict, Colin came through the door. “Whoa!” he exclaimed as the maid said a rushed apology. Everyone in the house seemed to be in a mad dash. He exchanged looks with his brothers, who were as clueless as he.

“Anthony!” came the panicked voice of Eloise. He held her shoulders and looked over her for any harm of some sort that caused her to panic.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. Anthony was surprised to see her looking up at him with teary eyes. Eloise is looking at him like how she used to when she was much littler, pleading to Anthony. Believing with all her might that her older brother will make everything okay. He looked behind her to Daphne who was pursing her lips.

“Oh God, is someone dead?” Colin quipped, then promptly made a punched-out  noise as Benedict elbowed him.

“Sister, she - “

“She’s dead?!” Colin cried.

“No!” Daphne growled, irritated. “She’s just...in pain. Mama and Papa sent for doctors.”

“Goodness, how serious is this cold? - Anthony, wait!”

Anthony didn’t hear Benedict’s call. How could he over the thumping of his racing heartbeat? He ran upstairs like the devil was on his tail, and even then he felt like he was too slow. He paused at her door, psyching himself to open it. If he went in, what would he see? He raised his trembling hands, the complaints of his siblings nothing but a faint echo.

The doors burst open and out came two elderly men and one woman. The siblings crowded around them. Anthony could only hear snippets as he zeroed in on you. Mama was kneeling beside his twin’s bed, holding her daughter’s hand tight to her chest.

“The young miss will be fine -”

“We expect her fever to break -”

“Dear.” Anthony jumped, startled. The woman accompanying the doctors addressed him. “Are you okay?”

“My - my twin sister, will she be alright?”

“Twin, huh. That’s why you’re so distraught. Well all of you are but you in particular,” she shook her head and smiled. “Your sister is strong. She will be fine. You can go in. I’m sure she’ll be glad for your company.”

She need not say it twice. Anthony ran into the room.

“Sister.”

“Tony.”

He felt like he could breathe again.

vii. rewrite an ending or two

“Are you sure you don’t want to get up here? We shared a bed when we were little. And when we grew, sometimes.” she paused, thinking about her statement. “Often.” his twin amended.

Anthony hummed when she stopped running her hands through his hair. “No.”

“The ground is cold, Tony. You might get sick.”

“How could I? You already took all the sick with you.” Anthony grumbled. “I’m fine, sister.”

“If you say so.”

“How about you?” Anthony asked. 

“Hmm?” she smiled. Facing down and in the darkness, Anthony couldn’t have seen it but he felt it. “I believe I will be.”

viii. she is gone, but she used to be mine

 It was a miserable day in spring when the eldest Bridgerton was buried.

ix. most days i don’t recognize me 

“She…” Anthony clenched his jaw.

“Are you ever going to finish that sentence?” Siena asked, smiling until she noticed how tense he was. She reached out to touch his arm, inquiring, “My lord, are you alright?”

Anthony sniffed and quickly stood up, hastily picking up his clothes. “Yes, fine.” he answered, hopping on one foot to put his shoes on. “I’m fine. I’m fine.”

“Where are you off to in such a hurry?” Siena asked. Anthony barely spared a glance at her, pausing shortly halfway out the door. He checked his watch, eyes glazing over for a moment.

“I need - I’m needed. At home.” With that, he briskly walked outside and into his carriage. It was today. He must’ve forgotten. How could he have forgotten? But he also ‘forgot’ the other years. The grief consumed him on this particular day. It was always a sore reminder that he was missing his other half. So instead of going to her grave, he went drinking. Instead of spending the day with her in his mind, he spent it with his cock inside somebody. Anthony spent so much time forgetting but now it’s as if her ghost had come to haunt him. Every memory had come rushing back, especially the day she died.

He remembered the night before. The doctors had told them she would be better. She told him she would be better. But he needed to stay close to her. Anthony fell asleep with her hand in his hair. Then he woke up to her eyes open but her breath was gone. He had never screamed so loud in his life.

Anthony remembered their parents barging into the room, Mama taking a step back looking as if she was seconds away from fainting. Then she saw her son on the floor and immediately enveloped him in her arms. He woke up in a bed sometime during the night. He woke up convinced it was all a dream but that promptly shattered when all his siblings (all except one) filed into the room in their sleepwear. Their eyes were swollen and wet. And it stayed that way until her funeral, and even some more after that.

The carriage stopped. Anthony got out and stopped at the gate. He knew Mama held some kind of family gathering during this day. What they did in the gathering, he had no idea. He never stayed long enough to attend. But today was different, somehow. 

He padded softly into the drawing room. A quick glance noted him of all his siblings’ presence. Francesca was playing a familiar tune. Colin was singing in a low tone. Benedict, Eloise, and Daphne were all sitting on one couch, leaning against each other. The youngest ones sat on the floor, trying to follow the lyrics Colin sang. Mama was sewing. The melancholy vibe was replaced with a startled one. Francesca stopped playing and Colin stopped singing. Mama dropped what she was holding and walked towards him, arms open.

Anthony crumbled. “Mama -”

x. for the girl that i knew

“Mama what do you think about love?” It was indeed a bleak day in spring. Everybody had left after the service but Anthony chose to stay, lingering.

“Anthony I -” Violet began.

“Why does it hurt so much?” he whirled around, uncaring as tears and snot fell messily down his tired face. “I feel as if someone carved an unfillable hole inside me. Like every breath I take is not right. Half of me is buried six feet underground, mama. How can I bear it?”

Anthony curled into himself as Mama enveloped him into her arms. “One day at a time, dearest. You have us still.” she whispered. “One day at a time.”

[fin.]

#anthony bridgerton #bridgerton tv #bridgerton netflix #fanfiction #bridgerton fic #sister!reader #reader-insert #anthony bridgerton & sister!reader #twinsister!reader #oneshot #sibling fluff #fluff #bridgerton x reader #anthony bridgerton x reader #scarlettscribbles

[tavvattales]

Is it ok if I request hcs for Bennett with someone that gets a lot of mental breakdowns? Ive been having a lot lately and wanted to think abt my comfort character so I could get my head out of it :/

Hihi lovely! Of course you can. I hope you've been feeling better and that you smiled today <3 Know that my DMs and Ask Box are always open if you need someone to talk to or vent.

TW: Talk of mental illness

For those that suffer with anxiety, depression, or other mental illness, my page is a safe place for you to freely talk about your feelings(as long as you put a TW before the post). I know the feelings all too well and it can feel so lonely, that you have no one to lean on. But with my page, I support all of you 100%, never be afraid to reach out. Each and everyone of you are valid and your feelings DO matter. It's okay to feel all the feelings! It doesn't make you weak to let them all out <3

---------------------------------------

GENSHIN IMPACT Character x gn reader fluff stories~♡♡

Scenario: Bennett guides you and comforts you through a panic attack

Characters: Bennett

Pairings: Bennett x gn reader

Warnings: Detailed descriptions of dissociation and panic attacks, please read at your own risk.

SFW ❤

Click below if you want to keep reading and be comforted by Benny boy 🥰

BENNETT:

● You never met someone who radiated such positive energy before you met him. You always looked up to him for being able to pick himself back up so easily after a bad day. You fell in love with his strength and resilience to keep pushing on no matter what obstacles got in his way, but also his kindness.

● Bennett never met someone who was so in tune with their emotions. He was so used to people bottling up their feelings, but with you, it was different. Someone made you mad? You would let them know. You discovered something exciting? You were all for it and let everyone know with such joy and enthusiasm! He fell in love with your softness and ability to feel all these emotions.

"Y/N," The voice rang in your ears, yet it felt distant. You recognized it, but for some reason your brain wouldn't register and respond. Your vision was blurry until those dreaded words brought you back to reality, "Y/N. . .are you okay?"

No, you were the furthest from okay. It was like your world shattered into a million pieces, like pesky shards of glass that whenever you tried to pick them up, your wounds would only get deeper. Your eyes refocused, glossy, and bubbling over with tears, "I can't breath, " You manage to say between broken sobs.

The silver haired young man's emerald eyes softened with worry as he sat down next to you. He gently pushed back strands of your hair that clung to your tear soaked face, wiping your never ending tears away in the process, "Shh, shh, take deep breaths with me," He spoke softly, breathing in a deep breath and holding it for three seconds before letting it out.

You tried to follow suit, your breath shaky and raspy, your heart still pounding fast, but with each deep breath you could feel your heart beat slow, "Take it nice and slow, as much time as you need, Y/N," The young man said, giving your hand a gentle squeeze.

He continued to breath with you until you could formulate words, "B-bennett. . .thank you," you gave him a weak smile, your eyes and face flushed red and puffy. Your body was still in fight or flight and you felt light headed, but you managed to stop crying and your heart stopped racing a mile a minute. Bennett softly cups your face with his hands, pressing his forehead against yours as if he was giving you his positive energy.

You press back into him and the two of you stay like that for a while before he speaks up softly, "You are never alone when you're with me. When you're having a hard time and it feels like your world is crumbling apart, I will be here to help you pick up the pieces and bandage you back up, no matter how long it takes. I love you, Y/N, through your good days, and especially your bad days when you need my love the most, I will be here." He places a gentle kiss to your forehead before pulling away, "But also, remember to be gentle and kind to yourself. You're doing the absolute best you can each and every day. Be proud of that. I know I am. I am SO proud of you, Y/N"

With those kind words you couldn't help but tear up once more, but this time for a happier reason. You didn't feel so alone anymore.

#rebby writes #genshin impact #genshin impact x gn reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact fandom #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin impact bennett #genshin bennett #benny's adventure team #bennett x reader #genshin bennett x reader #potentially triggering #bennett fluff

[hangovercurse]

Nothing

Part i of the Without You series: When Colson and Megan break up, the boys count on Y/N to piece Colson back together, which only leads to disaster.

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Colson being kind of a dick, cursing, a little bit of aggression/ violence. This one’s definitely angsty.

A/N: This was supposed to be just a one part fic. Then that turned into 2 parts. And then 3. And then all of a sudden I had written 5 parts and over 10,000 words. Enjoy 😊 (also this is v unedited so if you see a mistake... mind ya business)

Word Count: 2084

| ii | iii | iv | v | vi |

masterlist

When you got the text from Rook, you knew it was probably gonna be bad. 

Megan just left him, for good. Not gonna be pretty the next few days so maybe don’t come by anytime soon. 

Your heart broke for your best friend. Colson had been really in love with Megan. And as much as you hated seeing them together for your own personal reasons, you could tell he was really happy. 

Ok. Let me know if you guys need me. If it gets bad I can take Casie for a few days. Take care of him for me pls. 

You and Colson had been friends for years now. You knew almost everything about each other, you told him everything. He let you crash at his place after your ex kicked you out, and you had spent many hours curled up with him, watching stupid movies to distract him from his most recent breakup or mental breakdown. 

But this was different. Colson told you he wanted to marry her at some point, and you knew he wasn’t lying. And you couldn’t blame him. As much as you hated no longer being the only women (other than Casie) in his life, you couldn’t dislike Megan. She was just one of those people who everyone loved. 

The thought of texting Colson crossed your mind, but you weren’t sure if it would hurt or help. From the sound of it, he was a wreck.

So, naturally, you texted Pete. 

Have you talked to Cols yet?

With Colson came Pete, or came you, you weren’t really sure. Somewhere along the way you and Pete had become close friends. He was like the older brother you’d never asked for, and he would probably say something similar about you. 

You couldn’t really explain it, Pete could read you like a book. And because of that, he knew everything. He was the only one to catch on to the way you sometimes looked at Colson for too long, or got irritated when he’d bring a new girl around. 

I’m heading over there right now. You should talk to him.

You rolled your eyes.

Not sure that’s the best idea. You guys are better at handling... all that. Once he gets a little less angry then I’ll take him. 

Pete texted you back a few minutes later.

Thanks for the support, kid. I’ll keep you updated. Just pulled in.

Good luck, Petey.

You tossed your phone on your bed, a sigh leaving your lips. You decided worrying was a problem for another day.

No more than 12 hours later you were getting a phone call from Rook. 

“Dude it’s like 4 in the morning, why are you calling me.” 

“Y/N, we’ve tried everything. He’s locked up in his room and every time one of us tries to talk to him he blows up. Literally he almost punched Slim a few hours ago.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, groaning at the predicament. “So now you want me to come over?” You asked, “What do you think I’m gonna be able to do?”

“Well he’s not gonna try and hit you for one. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but he’s significantly nicer to you than to anyone else.”

“What do I even say to him? “Sorry that the love of your life broke up with you but at least we can smoke pot and watch Spongebob?” I mean come on, man. I’m not good at this.”

“Please.” He pleaded, “We’re all out of options and I can’t stand to see him get any worse than he is.”

You moved off your bed and towards your dresser. “Fine, I’ll be there in 15.” 

You threw on the first pair of sweatpants you could find and slipped on shoes, grabbing your key and heading out the door.

True to your word, you pulled up to the house 15 minutes later, parking on the side of the street and heading straight into the house. When the guys saw you, they visibly brightened up. 

“You guys are such fucking wimps.” You rolled your eyes as you made your way towards the stairs. 

Baze chuckled, “We love you Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes and continued on your way, stopping by Casie’s room to see if she was asleep. To your surprise, she wasn’t. 

“Hey sweet girl,” you whispered as you entered her room, “why are you still up?”

She smiled a little when she saw you. “Couldn’t sleep. I’m really worried about Dad.” 

You leaned on her doorframe, sending her a sad smile. “I am too. But he’ll be okay. Your dad’s pretty tough.”

“I know,” she sighed, “but he really liked Megan.”

“Did you?” You ask, trying to gauge her emotions. 

“I mean, I guess so. She was nice to me. Most of his girlfriends aren’t that nice to me.” 

“That’s a pretty shitty way to measure if you like someone or not.” She giggles at that. “Don’t tell your dad I said that word in front of you.”

“Ok. She was nice. And she made him happy so, yeah, I guess I liked her. Not as much as I like you but...” Casie’s voice got higher as she dragged out the last word and you just rolled your eyes with a chuckle. 

Casie had this fantasy of you and Colson getting married one day, but you always told her it would never happen. 

“Ok kiddo, whatever you say.” You teased her, “try and get some sleep, okay?” 

She nodded with a smile. “Are you gonna go talk to Dad?”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later, okay? If you need to come over and talk or stay the night or anything just call me, okay?”

“Okay. Love you.” She said quietly. 

“Love you too, Case.”

You shut the door to her room, moving down the hallway to Colson’s door. You took a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare for what was about to happen, and knocked. 

“I told you guys to go the fuck away.” A muffled yet angry voice said from the opposite side of the door.

“It’s me, Cols. Y/N.” You said, hoping he could hear you. 

When you got no response you asked, “Can I come in?” 

A few more seconds of silence followed, and then the lock clicked and the door opened. You stood face-to-face with your best friend. His hair was a mess, falling in his face. The bags under his eyes were darker than ever, and the frown he wore made him look even more pathetic. You felt your heart breaking. 

As you met his eyes, you gave him a sad smile. “Hey Cols.” 

Instead of responding, he wrapped his arms around you, leaning down and resting his head on your shoulder. You reached up and ran your fingers through his hair. 

He started walking backwards, pulling you with him as he continued to hug you. One of his hands pushed the door shut and he sat on his bed, finally letting go of you. 

You looked down at him, grabbing his hand and holding it in your own. It was something you had done before, you two were very touchy people and so half of your friendship was just you two cuddling or play fighting or holding hands.

“So we can do one of three things,” you started, “We can talk about it, we can cuddle and watch something stupid and pretend nothing’s wrong, or we can get high and do something stupid.”

For the first time in what you would imagine to be all night, Colson smiled. it was a very small smile, but you took it. 

He looked up at you through his eyelashes. “And by stupid you mean...”

You rolled your eyes, “I mean we can go set off bottle rockets in the backyard or try to jump off your roof and into the pool.” 

“Oh damn. I was hoping you were gonna say you would suck my dick.” 

Your eyes widened at his bluntness and the implication. You shoved his shoulder, “Colson! That’s gross!” You giggled, but his expression was unwaveringly serious. 

“I’m being serious.” He deadpanned and you furrowed your eyebrows. 

“Colson what the fuck?” Your mind was spinning trying to figure out if he was joking. 

You got your answer when he stood up, grabbing your waist and leaning over you. “I thought you’d want to...” 

You took in a breath at the sudden proximity, trying to back away from him but his grip remaining firmly on your waist. “Colson, stop. Please. This isn’t funny.” 

You could smell the alcohol on his breath and you had to keep reminding yourself of that fact. He’s drunk, and sad, and doesn’t know what he’s saying. 

“I thought you’d want to, cause it’ll make me happy. And you’ll do anything to make me happy.” One of his hands reached up and grabbed your jaw, making sure you couldn’t look away.

“Colson you’re being a fucking weirdo, let me go.” You raised your voice. Your heart was racing at this point and the thoughts flowing around your head were not pretty. 

You were always anxious for the day he’d figure you out. When he’d finally realize how you felt for him. But this was worse than anything you’d thought of. 

“You’ll do anything to make me happy because you love me, right?” 

You felt tears stinging in your eyes, wanting nothing more but to look away from his sinister expression. The way he was looking at you made it very clear that he was enjoying your discomfort, your embarrassment. 

“Colso-” 

He walked forwards, pushing you gently against the wall. His arms went to either side of you, his face inches from yours. You tried to look away, but his hand on your jaw forced you to face him.

Any other time you would have loved for Colson to pin you against his wall, but this was wrong. 

“Just say it. Say you’re in love with me, and I’ll drop it.” 

“Colson, what the fuck are you on right now?” You tried to steer the topic away from you, but he wouldn’t have it. 

“Say it.” 

You reached up to try and push his chest away from you, but he was much taller and stronger than you, so you did nothing. 

“Just tell me!” He yelled at your silence. A tear slipped down your cheek as you trembled under him. His face was red and his eyes were watering. 

 “Why are you doing this?” You whispered. This all felt like a bad dream, like a nightmare you couldn’t wake up from. 

“Because I need to know if she was right.” His voice got a little quieter, but he still wouldn’t move away from you. “I need to know if the reason the love of my fucking life just left me is true.”

You were shaking, your breaths getting shorter. “What are you talking about.” Your words were choked. The grip on your jaw started to get a little too tight.

“I defended you!” He yelled, tears falling from his face. “She told me that you were in love with me and I defended you.”

“Colson you’re hurting me.” You whined, trying to wriggle your way out of his grasp. He ignored your statement and continued talking, but his grip loosened slightly.

“And then she told me that she thinks I’m in love with you.” His voice was getting darker. “And that’s why she left. So I want to make it very clear to you.” He paused, leaning closer to your ear. “I will never love you. Ever. Not now, not in a million lifetimes. You mean nothing to me.”

Your vision was blurry from your tears, so you blindly reached out to push him away from you. His body seemed to have given up, as he moved backwards out of your way, stumbling slightly. Through your tears you could make out a smug smile on the man before you ran out of the room, slamming the door behind you.

You ran down the stairs, the guys waiting for you to give them good news, but their hope turned to concern once they saw you. You walked straight past them towards the door, not trusting yourself to say anything without breaking completely.

As you reached for the door handle you heard a faint yell from upstairs, followed by loud banging, and then silence. You sniffled, turning the handle and leaving the house, much to the protest of your friends.

#mgk #mgk imagine #mgk angst #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #Colson baker #colson x reader #colson baker imagine #colson baker angst #est #xx

[avenging-criminal-bones]

After All This Time || Chapter Five

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Word Count: 2,146

Chapter Summary: Anger. And harshness, maybe feelings. I haven't decided yet so I guess you'll have to just read to find out.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: angst?, asshat hotch again, sad feels

A/N: Guys, I'm like legitimately so sorry that this chapter took so long. It's not even that I've been all that busy. I definitely did go to California for two weeks, but after that I think I just got lazy? Had writer's block? I don't know. But New chapter is UP.

TAGLIST:

@kingofthetwats @wanniiieeee @uwu-sebastianstan @piggyinthesea @yoshigguk @thatisthemagic @errorcosplay67 @ivebeenthinkingboutu @big-galaxy-chaos @rynfoxsleeps @phoenixsnape1 @mojofun @pachiibatt @enjoymyloves @thenewnormalforensicator @word-scribbless @zezezena @chelseyjoyce @ellyhotchner @lora21 @flipperpenguins @illegal-brains @sunnysaysbookreviews @anti-zippy-snoot @kya-li

You come to eleven hours later, the first thing that you hear being the steady beep of a monitor.

The hospital.

It smells... white, the cleanness of it making you scrunch your nose. Still not having opened your eyes, you sense the brightness, almost making you not want to at all.

However, you knew how hospital visits work. When Reid was injured, the whole team was there waiting for him to wake up. With that push, that you had people waiting for you to wake up, you opened your eyes.

Everything was too bright at first. You felt your lips fall into a grimace and joked aloud, "You guys don't need to be so quiet, she lives."

There was no response, and as your vision cleared up, the wind was knocked out of you like a punch to the gut.

Empty.

The whole room was empty. Aside from you and the TV, there was no talking. There were no people.

For a moment you thought that you were dead. Or maybe dreaming, because who wakes up from a seemingly severe injury with no support system? With no friends.

You hear your heartbeat speed up before you feel it, but boy do you feel it when it hits.

The monitor must send an alert to the nurses' station or something because shortly after, a small, black-haired woman rushes into the room.

"Agent L/N? Are you alright, is there any-,"

"I just- where- did my- wh-where is my team?" The stutter surprised you and you sat up fast, not realizing how prominent the pain in your abdomen was until it was too late. You let out a soft gasp, but looked at the nurse to hear an answer.

"Oh, uh, honey... I asked as they left and the tall, broody one said that there was an emergency." She walked up to you and turned a dial on your IV machine, gently asking you to lay down again.

You complied, not fully paying attention. Your mind was somewhere else; thinking about the harshness of your team, but you had to assume that this was Hotchner's doing.

"You alright, sweetie," the kind nurse asks, her name is Monica.

You nod slowly, your head feeling a lot lighter than it had when you woke up. "Yeah. I'm okay. Um, before you go can you hand me my phone?"

She nods, looking at you for where, and you gesture to the bag that's slightly out of your reach. Monica hands you both the phone and its charger, pointing to an outlet on the wall behind your head.

Nodding in thanks, you plug the charger into the wall and watch the kind nurse leave before unlocking your phone. You see immediately that you have five missed calls from your mother, and after further searching, you notice messages from Emily, JJ, and Penelope. JJ's was the most recent, so you open hers first.

JJ (BAU) 43 minutes ago.

Hey Y/N, In case you wake up before we get back, Hotch called our debrief meeting, so we all went back to the precinct. Sorry, hon.

xoxo JJ and the Girls

You didn't register the tears until they were falling down your cheeks. You sighed a bit and replied to JJ's message with a short, 'got it'.

As soon as you pushed the 'send' button, the door to your room opened again and your entire team rushed in.

Well, most of the team.

Really, everyone except one person.

You were quick to wipe your eyes, trying to hide the fact that you had been crying. JJ walked to the chair beside your bed and sat down, giving you the most gentle hug as she did.

"Did you get my message? Are you feeling okay? Do you need a nurse, any water?"

"JJ, you're momming her," Derek joked as he bent to give you a hug. "For real though, you feelin' alright, lil mama?"

You nodded, sending him a tight-lipped smile as Emily walked over to the other side of your bed, bringing Penelope with her on a video call.

Spencer even came by, but he looked relatively uncomfortable and stayed by the door.

Waving at him a bit, you say, "You can come in you know. I won't bite."

"I know, Y/N. I was just worried. Statistically speaking, you survived on an off-chance. The ratio was close to 83:17, and the bullet entered your abdomen in-"

"I get it Spence. I should be dead," you pause slightly seeing everyone's wide-eyed look at your bluntness, "BUT I didn't die, so everyone can stop looking at my like I'm going to break and just settle." You chuckle a bit and sigh as you see the rest of the team besides Spencer nod their heads or visibly relax their shoulders.

"You're right, kiddo," Rossi says quietly, "You're okay, and we can celebrate that."

"Thanks, Rossi." Smiling, you lean into his hand, which was cradling the side of your face for a moment. "Can someone get Hotchner please? I had some words that I'd like to have him hear."

JJ places her hand on your arm then and says, "Y/N, maybe that's not the best idea right now."

"No," you shake your head and make eye contact with her, "That's exactly what I need right now."

"Y/N..."

"Spencer, can you go get him please? He's just sitting out in the lobby, correct?" You snap a little harsher than you meant to.

The boy stutters a bit, but eventually nods his head and walks out of the room. The rest of the team shares a look before also walking out, giving you space for when your boss comes in.

Sitting up straighter in the bed, you even your mouth into a thin line just as Hotchner walks in the room.

"Am I off the clock right now, sir?" You don't miss the way his eyes flash to your lips but you choose to ignore it.

He sighs and crosses his arms over his chest, "Say what you need to say, agent."

"Who the hell do you think you are? Calling the debrief not only at a time where one of the team members can't make it, but when the team member is in the hospital with a GSW wound." Your voice rises steadily as you continue talking, but you have more to say. "Not only that, but you couldn't even be bothered to make sure I was okay when the debrief was over?" Subconsciously, you recognize the switch from a third-person mindset to a personal one, but you pay it no mind.

"Agent L/N, you-"

"No. You will call me Y/N, and I will be calling you Aaron. We aren't on the clock right now and you don't deserve my professionalism," the heart monitor spikes in tempo, and you throw the blanket off of your lap.

He quirks an eyebrow at you as you command him, but nods his head slightly, letting you be in control for the moment. "Go ahead, Y/N. You get whatever irrational anger you have towards me out in the open and we can deal with the consequences later."

"I left EVERYTHING for this job, Aaron. I left my mom, who never stopped grieving a lost son, I left my job there thinking this would be better, and I lost friends and people who actually cared about my well-being. People who wouldn't leave one of their own in an unknown hospital to wake up by themself, not sure if they were even actually alive since there wasn't anyone with them." You saw Aaron flinch with everything that you listed, but you didn't care. He needed to hear it. "So yeah, Aaron. I get to be angry, and you don't get to tell me it's irrational, because this is the most rational I think I've been this entire year."

"Y/N. You put not only yourself, but me, and the rest of the team in danger yesterday. Excuse me if I don't want to see you and be around you while you're in the hospital." Really, if burned Aaron to his core that he couldn't reach over and tuck the stray piece of hair behind your ear, because right now that's what he wanted to do. Except it's inappropriate and he's not sure you'd let him within three feet of you.

"NO! You see, that's not how it works. Are you telling me that if you saw a little boy with a gun trained on them, you wouldn't have done the exact same thing?" Hot tears fill your eyes, but you don't wipe them. You almost hope that him seeing you cry will make him feel bad, if even just a little.

Glancing at the way his jaw was set and how he clenched his fists in his lap, you knew he was struggling to keep his cool, so of course you pushed harder.

"What if it was Jack, Aaron."

"Dammit, L/N, it wasn't Jack. It was just some boy that we couldn't save. We shouldn't have been able to save him. You didn't use the training you had, and you didn't use the rational part of your brain. As terrible as that sounds, and trust me, I never want to lose a victim, if you had used the training from the bureau, we wouldn't have saved him. " Aaron stands up and paces the length of the bed then, feeling your eyes following him the whole time.

You shake your head as you let your gaze fall to your lap. "I wasn't going to let him die again... I wouldn't have been able to live with myself."

Aaron's eyebrows furrow a bit and he looks at you with angry curiosity in his eyes, "Again? What do you mean by that?" That's when Hotch remembered earlier when you mentioned her mother who lost a son. "Y/N, did your brother... No. Actually, I'm sorry, just forget I said anything,"

There was a dark anger in your eyes as you shook your head. "No, Aaron. Ask me. Ask me this one question, and then reassess your profiling of me."

His gaze turned steely as he squared his shoulders again, showing no emotion in his voice as he spoke. He almost felt like the best way to approach you right now was as if you were the unsub.

"Was your brother murdered, Y/N?"

Dropping your head, you feel the tears burning in your eyes again and you nod. "He was only five. He had his whole life ahead of him. You'd think a child would be safe with a group of nuns or a priest, but no. Not even them. He was branded with a cross before he was killed and it's just unfair."

Aaron starts to walk closer to your bed, seeing the devolving pattern of your breathing, "Y/n, I'm so sorry, I-"

"No. Aaron, just, please go. I'll catch a flight home when I'm allowed to fly again, so you guys just go home and I'll figure it out. I mean, that's what I did when I was waking up by myself, right? Go ahead and fire me if you need to, suspend me, I don't care anymore, but I'll come back when the hospital says it's safe." You take a deep breath and watch as he turns away.

He gets all the way to the door before he turns back around and says, "What was his name."

"Joey."

Hotch nods and walks out of the door, remembering that the final victim, the one that you saved, was named Joseph.

After the encounter with Hotch you fell asleep. The heavy medication and the anger in your head knocked you out easily. You were asleep for a few hours, but you woke up when your pain medication wore off.

You noticed that your work phone had a few notifications, so you sat up a bit and looked through them.

There were two that stood out to you. The first one was a notification that read "Hotchner (Asshat) has added you to the group 'BAU Team'". The second was his message in that group chat.

Hotchner (Asshat) 2 hours ago

Hey team, change in plans. We will be staying here until Y/N gets cleared to fly. It should only be a couple of days and I know we were planning on flying out tonight. Sorry, Thanks.

As soon as you liked his message, your texts were blowing up from Emily. She was saying stuff about how "he totally likes you", and about, "you had a rough time on this case".

Also, apparently Derek saved all of his sarcasm for when Hotch got back, and the thought made you smile.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #hotch #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #criminal minds x reader #angst #sadness #talk of child death