#ive just been sad. that's the whole post.

[grey-has-rusted]

^me when i am a sensitive person

#ramblings #i hate feeling lonely #it literally hurts my heart #i have such a hard time forming connections both irl and online #idk how many times ive cried just this past month bc i felt lonely #and even when i am included in things im always an after thought #its been months but im still thinking about stupid christmas #i know the whole point isn't to get gifts #but i got one present. while i spent hundreds of dollars getting my family gifts #they even asked me what i wanted too #helped my cousin decorate for her christmas party and last minute i found out it was a secret santa #i got invited but was the only one not included in that #so yeah.... #i dont have anyone to celebrate holidays with #my birthday was sad #i cried then too #not looking forward to tomorrow either #and i try to make friends and talk to people #but i feel as though i always initiate #and nobody seems interested in talking to me #which... i dont expect everyone to like me #but it really does hurt and it makes wonder what's wrong with me #also why cant my brain focus on something else #like doing something productive #its been ages since ive drawn anything #ive just been sad. that's the whole post. #bye now

[wasyago]

the brainrot won

#GUY S i know i haven't posted anything in a while and thats because im working on a big cool project that i really want to finish without- #distractions. but uh. as you can see. ive been distracted 😔. still working on it tho!!!! and im very happy with it turns out its just- #super time and energy consuming so ive tried to limit my intake of other media to not make myself want to draw other stuff #i also haven't read the last two (two already?????) chapters of RnS and im very sad about it and i want to read it but you know that if i- #read it ill want to make fanart and then ill never finish my project :( #SO. sorrey for the lack of art itll be coming when im free to draw!!!!!!! #but also. yes ive watched new life because i dont want to go insane with nothing but this project on my mind and umm. had to take a little- #break to do a couple designs for fun... and to switch it up a bit because for real im going insane i think #ALSO. friend got me into zelda botw and i haven't played a whole lot yet (because project) but ive tried to take some inspiration for- #designs from there. at least for joel and scott. everyone else not so much... #WELL ANYWAYS this is getting long. i should really stop rambling in the tags and just make separate posts for all this but i dont want to #umm. tags. #new life smp #smallishbeans #mythical sausage #geminitay #pearlescentmoon #smajor1995 #inthelittlewood #my art #sketch

[huidol]

happy valentines 👍 day

#figayda #fig x ayda #fig faeth #figueroth faeth #ayda augefort #fantasy high #dimension 20 #d20 #putting this up on top rest of the tags are just me talking ok #shout out to fig for being the only bad kid to stay together with their girlfriend post-fhsy. DESERVED. #scribbling poltergeist #junior's magic paintbrush #alt verison of the text couldve been want to be my crab queen but I only just thought of that now and I'm not changing it. SAD! #had sooooo many ideas for this drawing I had very cute sketch Hi everyone whos new to my blog btw I talk a lot in tags anyways I had a cute #sketch that was like. a card that Ayda was sitting at the top and fig was at the bottom and in the middle was a heart with clock hands and #shit. and ayda was sending down a uhhhh a heart that as it went down the page it aged. and fig caught it. bc ayda sending love letters #through time is my favorite thing in the whoooole world. #also had an idea because i just finished that season to have a traditional valentines card with cody that was like #“are you satan bc ive been waiting for you my whole life” bc he says that in the uh. first ep I think. anyways that be a great card I just #didnt haev the time. sad! i started drawing this on the 12th i had Zero time for anything else #wow i talked a lot tee hee ^_^ its ok because im special.

[eosofspades]

quick n easy list of gentle coping mechanisms for bad mental health days / neurodivergent understimulation episodes!! some are more applicable to one or the other but when i'm feeling particularly like a tiger in a too-small enclosure i find doing at least a couple of these things helps me so much

drink water. basic, but annoyingly effective

eat a snack. same as above

stretch! even just some laying down stretches like pulling on your arms and knees (in fact, here's a great tiktok series for "depression stretches" and workouts/physical stimulation you can do laying down/without much movement)

music/podcasts/video essays. your favorite playlist you haven't listened to in a while, a podcast you like/have been meaning to start (i listen to podcasts while i'm drawing!)

draw/color! if you don't wanna draw, a coloring book is always fun. i actually prefer kids' ones.

read a book. i prefer physical books bc i know i'll get sucked back into the social media scrolling for hours if i try to read on my phone. i also recommend a nice tea/hot chocolate/juice with this one.

video games. this can be anything from minecraft to destiny 2, but i usually never give myself time for these, even when i have it (stuck in that phone scrolling). a more action-packed game for mental understimulation, maybe a more mellow one for a bad depression episode.

shower. i am fully aware this tends to take a lot of spoons but even just sitting under running water ALWAYS makes me feel better when i can manage it. it also helps me with adhd overstimulation!

clean/organize. this sounds counterintuitive but i actually do enjoy organizing stuff for understimulation, and cleaner workspaces help with the depression. even if it's something as simple as "put all the pencils on the desk back into the pencil cup."

puzzles/brain games. this one is almost exclusively for mental understimulation but once i get going it makes my depression SO MUCH BETTER, TOO. my niche is getting myself some algebra sheets but this can be anything from math to jigsaws to crosswords to word searches!! some kind of problem solving that engages your brain and requires focus. this one is my favorite because i find it really grounding.

playing an instrument. this is in the same vein as the last one! again, my personal niche is the piano, but this could be any sort of thing. in fact this could even be substituted for some kind of alt hobby all together, like knitting or crocheting or something! again, mostly for understimulation, but gives me the serotonin boost to get through the depression stuff as well.

this is all i have for my list, but i'd love for anyone to reblog and add their own stuff!!

#mine #long post #mental health #mental illness #adhd #adhd resources #neurodivergent #neurodivergent resources #i have been having. such a bad sad last few days and im actually SO angry about how miserable ive been feeling that i decided #to make this whole list for myself and hang it up on my desk just so i have something to do besides the endless social media/tv scrolling #and i hope this helps someone!!!!! i would really appreciate if you guys would reblog this #no pressure or anything but. if it helps

[aphsillyos]

his default recall is so cool..........

#not me arts tag #ive never used his default skin so i didnt even know what it looked like until now....ough #i wish u could mix and match sounds or recalls with skins................ #i honestly forget half the time hes supposed to be like. Cool and Suave and a Competent Badass #because my brain is always like. god hes so small and floppy and will die if you breathe on him wrong #also hes always crying and breathing heavily in my ear so im just like. poor guy #he should be at the bed taking a nap not fighting....... who made him fight.... stop that he doesnt belong on the battle field #he might be a badass hitman or smth but my brain is like #this is just a sad theatre kid who took gymnastics #''aphelios how is your assassin training going'' aphelios who has only been reading the acrobatics textbook: my what #is there anyone still reading these tags. hi there #i have a lot of thoughts on him. im very obsessed with his animations #like he has a laugh animation for every weapon....... #all the various weapon animations... #maybe the real reason we wont have a legendary for 10 more years is all the animating they have to do #i mean his base animations are so good id honest be like OK if they reused them #cant rly do much better than already Top Tier animations #unless we get an alune legendary..... #hope alune is super awesome and badass and all the aphelios voicelines are a really shy awkward guy or smth #like you look so cool and awesome fighting and the whole world doesnt know ur listening to a lil guy in your brain the whole game #the contrast would be very funny methinks #if anyones still reading this. yes i know riot made up some reason about budget or whatever for voices #but i choose to believe aphelios is head empty no thoughts and thats why he doesnt talk to alune #(STILL GOOFY OF A REASON... lots of VAs can do both genders of voices.... like. what about kindred and kayn....) #then again wouldnt be surprised if they were overbudget on the animations but still smh my head into oblivion #can relate to a guy who simply doesnt wanna talk #(said after 10000 tags of talking to myself) #i should really put my thoughts onto a separate post or blog or something #anyways have i mentioned i think hes really cute

[lopsidedtreetrunks]

Happy 10th birthday to The Song Ever

#guys can u believe its been 10 years i feel so old bsksdjlka #ylvis #what does the fox say #my art #artists on tumblr #sketch #gonna write a novel in the tags now so: #i havent drawn anything in a few months bc ive been dealing with medical stuff #this sketch was supposed to become a full painting and it was gonna be awesome and the composition was gonna be great etc etc #this sketch has been in my files since late june lmao thats how long its been since i drew anything #so yes i am very disappointed that i couldnt finish it but since it's such a momentus occasion I thought I'd post this mess anyway :') #I just really wanted to commemorate it as (and sorry for getting all depressing here lol) ... #... it was kinda the last thing that brought me a whole lot of joy before a lot of shit started going on in the family that basically ... #... ended my childhood (metaphorically) #anyways i loved it when it came out i listened to it constantly along with their song stonehenge (which i still listen to occasionally hjsd #and truckers hitch when that came out about a year later i think #ANYWay sorry for rambling and being a sad little guy in the tags lol enjoy the art and listen to the song :D

[todayisafridaynight]

At which point did you realise that the plot of IW is ass? I've seen people complain only about the ending or the halfway point where the teams separate, while I was already actively rolling my eyes like four-five chapters in

i think the moment i fully accepted that IW's story was. Definitely A Story was the moment ebina announced 'bleach japan'. like i think leading up to that point i was thinking to myself 'oh i hope i see X happen' or being like 'i wonder where this is going' and that sort but the proverbial bucket of ice was definitely that moment

#infinite wealth spoilers #snap chats #what reaaaaally hammered it in too if it wasnt obvious already was the execution of the jimas/daigo like that still irks me LMAO #i cant even remember what chapter that happened in i just know when it did i was utterly pissed #i think i started to take things less seriously once bryce entered the picture but thats only because of how distracting his VA was #like much love the JP voice actors who try to speak english and japanese but i just cant act like it's not incredibly distracting #esp when the character is supposed to be white yk what i mean- or at the very least their first language is supposed to be english #typically i can look over that thing if its a one or two time kind of deal but he had to speak in english much longer than others #im just rambling about bryce tho this aint bout him. i mean he could be a part of it the cult was executed really sloppily #it might have been the introduction of bryce actually ... i remember thinking to myself 'oh brother' with the whole messiah thing LMAO #maybe it was when kiryu told us his cancer cam from radiation instead of. smoking 💀 ESPECIALLY not even five chapters in #like straight out the gate you just wanna drop that on us mr I Can Do Everything Myself I Cant Worry Others ok #thats a post for another day tho im EVERYWHERE #POINT IS this is not about Retrospect this is about First Impressions and memory warps over time #but i know for a fact i found the bleach japan thing utterly ridiculous and was squinting at the plot the entire time thereafter #like ive said this a million times at this point but although i love IW for it's gameplay (pardon some nitpicks like lack of shortcuts) #its story really feels so messy and had much to be desired. which is so sad after the wonderful stories rgg has been making since 0.. #BUT OH WELL im still excited to replay it in english. god willing i ever get the time #i still wanna finish lost judgment <- isnt even halfway through the game #and i wanna do a fun stream Maybe with YK2 but ill get into that when i get into that #if youve read this far. thanks LOL id say sorry for the novel but thats what we expect of me at this point

[brightokyolights]

...

#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess #but ive just been debating something for a while now #so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons #i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried #2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me #like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh #anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings #and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog #posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home #for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily #you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i #do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap. #like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and #art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this #is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk. #le text post

[b0nelessdoodles]

How am I supposed to work when I just wanna go home and be deranged about Narinder and Shamura and make a whole ass video about it fuck you capitalism

#not art related #ive been listening to set it off lately and just man #bad guy is the song ever of all time #the whole amv lives in my brain now and i gotta figure out how to get it out #just like fuck man it keeps shifting between them both and just #i am an angry monkey trying to break outta my cage #i love the bishops so dearly but there is something so important about these two #shamura makes me fucking SAD like damn my first run through their place and just #the LORE got me sitting there thinking about my life choices #the family bond with the bishops is fueling my day to day life #shamura is giving me the strength to try and make it through anchordeep a second time fuck that place #i gotta get the fam back together even if they all hate me #got off track this post is about please listen to bad guy by set it off and try and picture my vision #it fucking ends with lamb fighting them the second time and instead of lamb picking them off the ground #narinder is there to do it and just LISTEN LET ME COOK OKAY #I WANT THEM TO RECONNECT EVEN IF IT TAKES FOREVER #okay i'll shut up now #cult of the lamb

[the-kipsabian]

scrolling tumblr is so hard rn cause i see so much of the best friends stuff from the angle i dont want to (chuck should have picked trent. im just gonna say it) but i dont wanna unfollow anyone and blacklisting tags is so hard cause i wanna see chucks and ocs separately but not in this light together and also i dont know what people tag these with if anything and im just hngggggg

just makes me sad

#ive been very open to people shipping it so far but with this its just too much for me even if the posts arent shippy #dont wanna result into unfollowing and blacklisting a lot but theres just ssssoooooo much of it rn #and probably will continue to be. ough #so i guess im just gonna be here much less and at very selective moments or whatever until i maybe feel better about this #or when it blows over. who knows #anyways this week has been an absolute mess from beginning to end and im exhausted and sad and i just wanna sleep forever so #bye #tag me or send an ask if you need me i guess. i also emptied the queue earlier so theres not gonna be any posts woo #idk this just makes me tired. wrestling as a whole again makes me very tired. everything is tiring #i just dont think my place is here rn. not that it matters but yeah. i just feel mentally like absolute shit wowie #okay bye #night is an absolute mess on main

[marsbotz]

my new fursona btw. i actually picked a drsign finally. do you love him

#im actually drawing soemthing again finally guyyysssss. you see the wip -> on the right #IGNORE THE TABBY IMAGES LAWLLLLL i cba to redraw so i just recoloured the old design i made a little while agao #i hope wveryone is doing well …….. i havent but its ok im like cured again rn #ITS OK i got more meds today and i start therapy properly on mondayyyyyyy ^_^ #i miss you guyssss i miss u all. butttttttt i cant come back seriously like properly #guys i have so many exams coming up -_- BOREDDDDDD. BORED but its ok in like 3 weeks i will b done and then i can draw and game forever #oops i cant switch tags arounf on here but forgot to saw #i realised i just super love b&w animals soooo i did it for my fursoba. and it fits my well. dichotomy theme i have in my head #ong tho awesome news. the place im gonna b working next yr knows im trans cus i emailed abt my name chanfe in the system #andddd they r super cool abt it like they emailed my lecturer to dbl cgeck my name and probouns #guys this might be like the first time in my entired life i get called the right name AND pronouns. how epic #btw i ammmm kinda going back to it/he/they LAWL #cba to change my bio rn but know this. not thet it matteres #ive been watching lots of twitch streams recently and especially vinnyyyyyyy vinnayyy vinesus. vinny my dearly beloved #im so happy he streamed early today so i actually got to watch a whole stream LIVEEEE. notmally he streams in the middke if the night for m #gifgling kicking my feet. bijnnjeeyyyyyyyyyy #okat BYEEEEE. BYE #i will post the finishes wip when i get round to ittttt 💖💖💖💖💖 bye #I LITERALLY FORGOT HOW TO DRAW GUYS ITS SO SAD. ok nightttttr

[thedrotter]

thought about it for a little bit and realized re:kinder got me out of a drawing slump thank you re:kinder for changing lives... it's was a while since i felt this satisfied with my art and drew this much till this game popped up in my life . forever changing lives thank you re:kinder whatever would i do without you

#not art #I TALK!!! #i have been filling my blog lately with these this little posts of me talking oops so sorry teehee #but like genuinely this game has cheered me up in such a way what an awesome game #god bless you parun thank you for creating such a wonderful piece of art #I REALIZED THIS BECAUSE I WAS CONTEMPLATING ON HOW MUCH I WAS DRAWING YUUICHI LMAOOO😭😭 #how do i explain he just gradually over these months became a comfort character without me realising #I JUST KEPT DRAWING HIM EVERYTIME I FELT SAD which is a lot of the time oops #he just sparks joy okay its like wao...just like me fr... (no murder or many other crimes included) i wanna draw him today... #so do forgive i draw him so much i must spread the joy his character gives me with everyone by sharing the art i make of him #he deserves it he got me out of feeling dissatisfied with art😊👍👍 #ON THAT NOTE I WILL SPOIL FOR YOU ALL THAT DO NOT WORRY...IM ALSO DRAWING EVERYONE ELSE #the rest of the very charmkng cast of characters #you'll see that soon . just a little something km doing in my free time #drawing the other characters made me have this whole realization anyway so its worth mentioning #they also give joy important to say ive been giggling thr whole time theyre so goofy

[tokyoteddywolf]

22 isn't very much at all, I think.

#5am rambles #anyways ignore this as per usual im just thinking in a post that i'll delete soon. i just worry and writing it helps. #you ever wonder when you'll “grow up'? and then realize youre not even fully grown? #that theres still more to learn in life and that the mistakes you make are just that? mistakes? #that you are still so very very young in a world that is so very very old? #im almost 23. barely a quarter of my lifespan. im still a child in a way- my brain not fully formed. #you ever wonder how many mistakes you can make before you figure something out? #I dont know much of anything really. that's the sad part. and the adults who were supposed to help me learn... didnt. #i was failed. and now im a failure. at almost not quite 23 years old. Maybe i wont be a failure in another few years. #i still have a while to go before I die. I'm not going to waste time thinking about it. im just going to try my best. #I have time. I can learn. Grace and patience are not endless but damn if i dont try to figure things out #first step though is meds and therapy tho. we're done with the pity party. some things you just have to accept are okay #cuz my whole life i was taught that being emotional is a weakness. its pathetic and stupid to be upset or angry about anything. #any time i wanted to show i was upset or angry i was 'wrong'. i was 'selfish' and 'dramatic' #so i suppressed and pretended i was fine. that i wasnt weak and pathetic. that i was good and not an annoyance or burden. #i am not weak. i am not pathetic. i am fine i am fine i am fine you dont need to worry about the inconvenience at your door. #sometimes the shame is so much that i cant look at myself or even think i deserve help. that therapy is for people with real problems. #that i feel like ill just be told im like this for attention or dramatics. that im such a disappointment and selfish too. #ive been a “problem” my whole life to the point i dunno if i CAN be fixed. that anxiety eats me alive every day. #therapy is supposed to give you methods to cope #i dunno if it'll work though. I forget my appointments a lot. i struggle to talk sometimes. i may be autistic but its hard to get diagnosed. #emotions are so hard to figure out.

[astragatwo]

BTW, if you've ever said anything nice to me or left a comment on my art in any manner — whether in tags or in an ask — that I remember, and it's one of few things keeping me somewhat sane and not a dumpster fire of emotions right now. Genuinely, thank you — I don't know how to express how much it means to me.

#not art #if i ever start feeling overwhelmingly upset i'll just go back and read tags and it makes me feel better instantly #im feeling better but it's still not great #to repeat something i said in some tags on my main blog #this blog has helped me feel excited to wake up every day and motivated me to try to fix my sleep schedule #i'd often wake up super early by my standards just so that i could read tags in the morning and draw more in a day #but since this whole mess ive just been back to slogging through my days and only getting out of bed in the afternoon #only to feel like my days are empty and hollow again as i wait for another day to come by #ik feedback isnt pm fanart exclusive and if i branched out to other fandoms it'll still happen eventually #but it isnt really the same yk? pm is the only interest that’s made me WANT to engage with the fandom #something i usually avoid like the plague. so it's kind of special to me since this is my first time doing anything in fandom #anyways late night sad posting over give it up for day 6 of absolutely nothing 💀

[just-a-little-unionoid]

the one good thing about my pmdd is that if I randomly want to die I know that I'm just going to have my periods the next week, which currently means that they're just late, i'm not pregnant or something, which is always a relief

I mean I still want to throw myself out of a window or fight anyone who dare speaking in my presence so that's a small relief but still I guess

#that's just bullshit really #ive been thinking the whole day about whatever even is the point of living if we're gonna die anyway #which i know is stupid i don't usually believe in that and i know that's my hormones lying to me but i still feel it #then i feel bad about feeling that way which i also know i shouldn't do #but i do not control that either #like i know realistically it will pass it always does i always know it will but it's so stupid that the only thing to do is wait #while still having to work and talk to people like i don't want to jump at them and rip off their face for breathing too loud #i hate being conscious of everything and still feeling it i hate this stupid body and i hate that i know it's useless to hate it #i hate feeling so empty inside except for sadness and anger #but it will pass #rant post

[crowsareverytired]

pope Alexander by crywank

#im slowly moving on from him but the ogs know ive been posting about how i hate him and love him for a whole year so yk #i never said his name tho on here #it felt weird to do that so its just always him #one moot once made a joke that i post 10 times a day about him which yeah i really did haha #now their inactive and its really sad #i really liked that moot #anyways yeah he really does haunt my brain #hes kinda always there