#ive been playing the SHIT out of these games lately (ive never touched anything outside of thr first 2ish games) and OH MY GOD IM OBSESSED

[m3llowm1sh]

your honor im obsessed with them

#ace attorney #aa4 #mishs art tag #ive been playing the SHIT out of these games lately (ive never touched anything outside of thr first 2ish games) and OH MY GOD IM OBSESSED #theyre all my beautiful children and i love them with my whole heart #especially apollo hes so mecore #pathetic lawyerboy thang i love him #trucy wright #apollo justice #klavier gavin #ema skye #phoenix wright #klapollo

[antiwhores]

I really loved ur short story ‘Bakugou’s game’ I would love to see a part 2 of it. Maybe a few months later or something reader is trying to get over bakugou and is really cold to him when he tries to fix their relationship and he sees her at a party with a date and he gets super jealous and possessive after seeing them together. Which leads to make up sex and hopefully reader giving bakugou a chance to make it up to her. Or be totally angsty and make reader pull a uno reverse of him.

Bakugou’s Game: Part 2.

Requested by: @jasmixs @ooftrain-12 @tsukikoxo @coffeeginie

Part one: https://antiwhores.tumblr.com/post/693877274172440576/bakugous-game

Sorry this shit took so long frfr. Ive been SO busy lately to the point its actually insane. Havent had time to even write a sliver of this. Yall probably lost interest but ill post it anyone out of respect for the og request

Warnings: Jealousy, minor violence (reader slaps bakugou again LOL L bozo), rough sex, creampie, happy ending and shit, make up sex, NOT EDITED - BARE WITH ME HERE.

Bakugou was misreable without you, the break up eats him away until he forced himself to go out to speak to you.

Bakugou never understood the idea of someone being so sorrowful about a break up that they forget their pride and beg for the person back. That is, until now. He’s starting to understand why people take break ups so badly. Cause he’s taking it badly.

Everyday is a new thing to notice. Everyday is a new thing he didn’t even know he was used to after dating you so long gone.

When he came home to his apartment you weren’t there to welcome him. When he walked past the bathroom you wernt there to sing horrible on purpose in the shower to annoy him. When he ate at the table you wernt there to tell him about your day in an exaggerated tone. When he sat down on the bed without changing you wernt there to yell at him for his outside clothes touching the clean mattress. When he spiced his food to hot you wernt there to dramatically cough and pretend to fall over. When he woke up in the middle of the night you weren’t there to tell him to “close them damn eyes again”.

Everything was different. He hasn’t moved a single bit of his furniture yet the house changed drastically.

He started to lack on his chores, throwing himself into his hero work. He exhausted his body to the point of throwing up. That and the combination of the lack of sleep and the lack of rest.

He had nightmares of how he acted. It would usually play out with you doing what he did to you. It was insufferable. Every single thing in his dream was something that he’s done before.

He looked down at his phone with his newly founder insomniac eyes.

Doll, Im so sorry. It will NEVER happen again. Im a fucking idiot and I’d do anything to make it up to you. Please just respond back.

Read 34 days ago

Y/n, I see you reading my texts. Just please let me apologize.

Read 33 days ago

Do you still want that car? I know you told me to not buy it but I’ll order it without a second thought if you talk to me. Please.

Read 32 days ago

Okay, Im sorry about the car thing. That was weird. I don’t think you’re a prize to be won with money. I just want you back.

Seen 31 days ago

Stopping by your house today, I need to see you.

Seen 29 days ago

Im sorry. I can’t loose you y/n. I cant.

Seen 27 days ago

My mom is so mad at me. I dont blame her, loosing you is like loosing half of my heart.

Seen 25 days ago

Its been so long since I’ve lived without you I dont know how to do its

Seen 23 days ago

Please love me again.

Seen 22 days ago

I know you see these. Do you enjoy seeing me like this?

Seen 19 days ago

I love you.

Seen 16 days ago

No other person will ever count to me. That stupid bitch at the bar is nothing compared to you. None of them are.

Seen 15 days ago

I left a letter under your mattress. Please read it.

Seen 12 days ago

Coming to your house tomorrow, I really need to see you. I’ll do anything.

Seen 9 days ago

The notes still here, you really break my heart. You know that?

Seen 8 days ago.

I still love you.

Seen 5 days ago

Ill fucking never look at another girl again. Swear.

Seen 4 days ago

I love you even more today

Seen 2 days ago

Whenever you’re ready.

Sent just now.

It was true, you read every single text. You read them almost 10 times over. You weren’t ready to respond.

At first, Bakugou’s texts confused you. This was against his pride. He would never suck up to you like this. So you laid it down to drunk, sad, sleepy, and/or desperate texts. It wasn’t his character so naturally you went looking for answers.

The last month has been terrible for you too. You were staying at your bestfriends house, who was GLAD to have you.

You avoided everything that mentioned him. News, certain social media platforms, public areas, etc. if it wasnt for your friend, you wouldve never gone out.

After that last text he stopped reaching out for the coming months. Things were peaceful, you were okay.

You hadn’t gone back to any club/parties since the incident. But your friend, being a party person, forced you out to a nearby club. They also made you agree to going with this guy, whatever his name was, to have a little blind date. Your friend figured it’d been a couple months and you needed to touch some bitches. You were against it, still getting over Bakugou, but they used the favor you owed them to seal the deal.

So now you found yourself at the club, chatting with a guy at one of the booths. He was actually tolerable, not your type romantically, but someone you’d be friends with. You supposed that the first step to a relationship was being friends so you continued to persue.

He was rather handsome too, not godly handsome like your ex- you needed to stop doing that. Comparing everyone to Bakugou is whats gonna make you single for life. Bakugou was not an easy man to pass.

You laughed at his joke as he continued to tell it. “Yeah man, she was crazy! She ended up calling my mom and telling her that I had set the house on fire! My mom was worried to death! Then she hit me after she found out the house was okay like I told her!”

You shook your head, “Exes man, I swear!” He leaned down towards you, “You got any exes that make you want to start a war?” You immediately nodded, “My last ex was a handful.” “Did he tell your mom you set the house on fire too?” You laughed, “Nahh, thatd be so much easier to manage. My ex, well, he-“

Prying red eyes watched you from the corner of the room. Bakugou didn’t even wanna come to this club tonight. He was, like you, forced to come out of pity of his friends. To think he could’ve missed the chance to see you and this guy flirting and laughing together.

It could be a close friend, maybe a relative, he didnt know. He wasnt close enough to make oht a single word. There was some part of him that aas glad for that nad another part that was incredibly annoyed.

No matter who it was, Bakugou’s hands started to smoke up. His teeth gritted hard against eachother. While he was moaping and suffering you were over here on what looks like a date?

It took everything in him to not just stomp over there and drag you away from the piece of shit. He was glad he hadn’t enough alcohol in him to follow those urges… to a degree.

So he waited. He waited for an opportunity. And he sure as hell got one.

“Oh!” You gasp at the ringing of your phone. You tilt the screen towards you before looking back up at your date with apologetic eyes. “Sorry, I absolutely need to take this!” He laugh, “its okay!” His back cracks when he lifts his arms to stretch. “I needa go to the restroom anyway!”

You smiled that smile that he loved. The smile that should only be directed at him. Not at some random guy you just met.

He stalked carefully behind the guy until he was walking into the back hallway with him. The guy barely had a chance to comprehend a single thought before he was slammed up against the wall with his shirt fisted by the blonde.

The man looked startled and freightened. Who wouldnt be? Bakugou’s stare was one to rival Medusa’s. He felt frozen by the pure hatred glazed over.

“What the hell are you doing with y/n.” The sentence came out between his teeth. The man put his hands up defensively, “Aye man, we’re just on a blind date!”

Bakugou’s palms sparkled threateningly, “Im gonna give yoh one chance,” He leaned down to be exactly in the guys face, “Fuck. Off.”

That was all the guy needed before he was out of the door and on his way home. An immediate wave of relief washed over him at the thought of the date finally ending. The positive emotions quickly disappeared at the sound of a famiiar voice, his favorite voice. “Seriously?”

He snapped his head over to look at you. You were even more heavenly up close, just as he remmebered but better. Your arms were folded and you looked at him with such disapproval that he wanted to immediately crawl to his knees and apologize.

“We’re not even fucking dating anymore. You just chased off my date.” He winced, “Fuck.” You scoffed at his curse to whomever. “I should be saying that not you. Leave me alone, asshat.”

Before he could stop himself he had grabbed your arm and pulled you into the closest vacant guest room. He pinned you against the doorway. You were wide eyed and your mouth slightly open. It had happened in an instant, so fast your brain was still trying to comprehend him grabbing your wrist.

Bakugou bit his lip so hard you thought it would bleed. He didn’t know were to start. This day had been rehearsed in his mind over and over again. Yet the words, the speeches, and the numerous i love you’s were gone.

“Im sorry.” Was all he could get out. Your eyebrows furrowed when he mumbled the words. He snaked his hand around your waist as he whispered in your ear. “Im sorry. Im sorry, swear on it y/n. Talk to me again. I miss you. I’m sorry.”

His head dove into your neck, kissing and sucking on every sensitive spot he gained access too. You didnt even have time to gasp before his thigh pried both your legs open. He grinded the muscle against you.

It took everything in your being to not just give in and let him pleasure you. The resolve in your head, the one that told you that him acting like this is conmmunication is what ended the relationship in the first place, slapped the hell out of you though.

His face broke as you roughly pushed him away. He whimpered while trying to trail his hands on his belt to unbuckle it.

The skin of your palm met his face quickly. He completely stopped this time. The sound of the slap reverbing in his head along with the sting. Not just the sting of the slap, but the sting of knowing he fucked up again.

“Have you learnt anything?!” You yelled, tears brimming in your eyes. “This is the reason we broke up! You can’t resolve everything with sex!” You jammed your finger into his chest, “Start thinking with your head instead of your dick! After all this time, I thought you changed. Im so ignorant.”

You turned to leave out the door. Bakugou saw everything flash before his eyes. He saw the relationship you and him had before. He saw the relationship you could have now. And he saw the relationship that fucked up and now has fucked up his life.

“I dont know HOW!” He didn’t mean to yell, really. But something just snapped in him. You stopped to listen so he continued. “I’ve spent the last several weeks missing you. I never even realized how much I fucking… damn it!”

The knot in his throat was getting tighter. You hadn’t turned around yet. “But I just dont know how…” His voice broke halfway through the sentence. He wrapped his arms around you. You felt no lustful intent, only the desire to hold his #1. “I only know how to show my love through fucking. I can be more open! I just dont know how!”

He started to shake, squeezing you even tighter. After a long while, you finally spoke.

“Then I’ll teach you how.” He looks up in bewilderment, is this you forgiving him? In one swift movement you pushed yourself towards him. You grabbed his worried face, tilting him up to look you in the eyes. He was panicked, a panick you’ve only seen a few times since knowing him. “But for now, tell me how you feel in the ways you understand.”

He seemed confused when your hands encircled around his belt and snagged it off. “What? Wait-“ you cut him off with a hefty palm on his clothed cock. His breath caught into his throat. He barely chocked back the moan that you attempted to tear from him as you dove your hands under his pants. He was puzzled, yet his arousal and the feels of your hands encircle around his throbbing cock hypnotized him.

Instinctively, he reached between your legs to rub you in return. He whined when your hand gently pulled his away. “I’m okay, you just focus.”

Easy for you to say, he thought, or atleast tried to. It wasn’t easy to focus on the situation when you began to pull his cock out and rub it against your entrance. It felt too good. It had been too long. Too long having to rub himself out to a picture of you. The real deal felt euphoric.

His hips bucked into yours, starting at a brutal pace. He picked up your legs to give himself more range. The sounds of skin on skin were loud, not as loud as the combined sound of the moans and groans you both chocked out, but loud.

He tilted his head back, his whole chest was flushed a deep red. He cursed into your neck where he had begun to lick and suck. “Damn it, I-I missed you.” Your whole body tensed when he angled himself to hit that spot deep inside of you. It was your turn to curse.

“I just- these past couple of weeks- nghhh… ive been- I cant live without you alright!” His thrusts picked up, “I regret everything I have ever done to make you upset- hhhnnm…”

Tears well up in your eyes when you start to reach your orgasm. You weren’t gonna last long either. Like him, the sensation was a lot after being away from eachother so long. He had forgotten his strength as he thrusted into you so hard you wouldn’t doubt if angry bruises were already forming.

“Katsuki… I love you,” You whined desperately. He started to unwind, tensing and untenseing, when you came around his cock while moans spilled through your mouth. It almost hurt how stong the orgasm was. Almost.

He bite into his lips so hard it began to draw blood. “Fuck, I love you too y/n! So fucking much!” With that he exploded inside you. His hot seed painted your walls without missing a single spot.

He slowly lifts you down to your feet, only to stabalize you when your knees buckle. He wrapped his arms around you, “I fucking missed you.” You breathed in deeply when he kissed at your temple, “I missed you too Katsuki.”

[eberles]

Just Friends

Mat Barzal

A/N: this is my first mat barzal fic, and the first thing ive written outside of the obx fandom! im very nervous to be posting this, but i hope some of you like it! also, thank you @fav-imagines for the idea ilysm!! feedback is of course welcome, and my requests are open if you want to send something in! 🥰

Warnings: angst, swearing maybe?

When you met Mat over a year ago you never would’ve expected to be where you are in your relationship. You met him in a bar, a few of your friends forcing you out after a break up, and he spilt his drink on you. As if you weren’t already having a bad night, now your shirt was wet and you smelt like beer, that was until you looked up and saw his face. You could see his lips moving, but you couldn’t hear anything he was saying, having been distracted by his gorgeous face. He shook his hand in front of your face, a smile brightening his features, and you snapped back into reality. He was apologizing profusely and after a few minutes of talking you agreed to go back to his apartment, he assured you there would be no funny business after he could tell you were contemplating going off on him. You guys spent the night eating pizza and watching movies, and thus was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 

Now here you were, 15 months later, crying about how you craved for Mat to be more than just a friend. Of course, you were beyond grateful to have met him that night, he helped immensely with your break up and it didn't take long for you to start feeling more than just friendship feelings for him. You would never tell him though, always wanting to preserve the wonderful friendship you guys did have, but sometimes it was difficult. Like now, when Mat appears to be in an amazing relationship, with an amazing girl who he raves about all the time and constantly posts pictures with. Scrolling through his instagram for what felt like the 100th time that night, with tears in your eyes, you heard a soft knock on your apartment door. Walking over to the door, wondering what someone would want at midnight, you looked through the peephole to see Mat. “Shit.” you whispered, using your sleeves to wipe at your eyes knowing it wouldn’t make a difference because of your red face and puffy eyes. 

“Mat…” you opened the door, talking softly, noticing distraught features covering his face. “Are you okay?” you stepped out of the doorway, letting him through as you spoke. You watched as he made his way to your couch making himself comfortable like always and you sat beside him, eyes searching his face.

“We broke up.” Mat whispered, head down almost like he was ashamed to admit it and you hated that you even felt a small jolt of excitement as his words. Of course, seeing him in pain was the last thing you wanted. “I should've ended it a while ago, it was clear the only thing she wanted from me was outside attention. She just-I don’t know, it was so amazing at the beginning you know?” Mat spoke looking up at you, finally seeing your face and immediately his dropped even more than before. “Wait. What’s wrong? Were you crying?” 

“Oh, Mat. I’m so sorry. I know you really liked h-”

“Y/N...talk to me. Are you okay?” Mat asked, with pleading eyes, grabbing your hands in your lap and holding them for comfort. The action and his words bringing more tears to your eyes, causing you to turn away from him and pull your hands out of his grasp, standing up off the couch. His eyes followed you, watching as you backed away from the couch slowly, using your sleeves to wipe the falling tears away again. 

“I’m fine, really. We were talking about you anyways.” You brushed it off, hoping to bring the attention back to him. Mat eyed you skeptically and patted the seat next to him on the couch for you to rejoin him. You walked closer to him feeling his gaze following you as you found your spot next to him again. He put a hand on your knee, squeezing it subtly, unbeknownst to him causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach and a heat to rush to your face. “You know it’s her loss right? She’s missing out for sure.”

“You think so?” Mat smirked, bumping his shoulder against your own, rolling your eyes noticing his cocky self start to return. “It’s okay, i’m not heartbroken about it, but it’s another failed relationship added to the list.”

“I definitely hear where you’re coming from, bub.” You sat back against the couch, feeling better after your meltdown earlier. Mat had that power over you, just his presence alone could turn your whole mood around in just a matter of minutes. You guys fell asleep on the couch together watching netflix and you were grateful he chose to not bring up your crying episode from earlier. 

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

It’s been a few weeks since that night and a few days after Mat had to leave for a few away games, and tonight he was coming home. You were beyond excited to see him again, never understanding how you lived your life happily before meeting him and now you couldn’t even go 2 weeks apart from him. You didn’t know this but Mat felt the same way, it killed him everytime he had to leave you. He knew you would be home waiting for him so your house is the first place he went after getting back into town. You heard a knock on your door and you jumped up from your seat, running to the door and swinging it open. You just about lunged at Mat standing in front of you and he grabbed you tightly giving you a long hug right in the middle of your apartment complex hallway. Mat picked you up walking you into your apartment, while you laughed as he mumbled something about not wanting to be in the hallway any longer. 

“I missed you!” you spoke as he put you down, you releasing yourself from his grip and looking up at him smiling widely. He mirrored your expression and repeated the words back to you in a genuine manner. You bombarded him with questions about how it was being away and on the road, obviously you watched the games from home, but you wanted the insider details. Mat updated you on his life and listened as you briefed him on everything happening on yours. There was something different in the air tonight and both of you felt it. Ever since that night and during the weeks he had been gone, you both noticed different things developing between the two of you. More touches, more flirting, more late night talks, and it felt like everything was falling into place.

It’s now been a few hours since he arrived at your apartment and after talking for most of the time you guys put on a movie, which was always a ritual for the two of you. You guys were laying on your bed looking at the screen and Mat was playing aimlessly with your fingers when you heard him start to whisper, “I think i’m in love with you.” 

You shot up from your laying position and stared at him, blinking slowly, “Did you mean to say that?” He shook his head slowly and continued, “Before I met you I felt like there was something missing in my life and over the last few weeks I realized I was missing you”

You gasped, feeling your heart swell in your chest. These were the words you’ve been waiting over a year to hear. Mat started to shift awkwardly next to you and you realized it’s been a few minutes and you hadn’t said anything. “You have no idea how long i’ve waited for you to say that.”

Mat breathed out a sigh of relief, sitting up so he was next to you, cupping your face between his hands, both of you leaning in, brushing your lips against each other. It started out slow, but turned heated rather quickly, both of you releasing all of your pent up emotions. Your hands were wrapped around the back of his neck playing with the hair on the back of his head, before pulling away slowly.

“I’m in love with you too, by the way.” you laughed, breathing heavy from the passionate kiss before leaning in for more.

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #nhl writing #new york islanders #new york isles #ny isles #ny islanders #mathew barzal #mathew barzal imagine #peachyaf

[shhh-no-ones-home]

green looks good on you  vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++

Request from @gardenjungle : "If you are taking requests, I would LOVE if you could do an imagine where the reader has a ton in common with Chris (likes hockey and Harry Potter, is a vegan, etc...) so they’re super close, and Vinny is super upset about it because he likes her sooo much and “Chris gets all the girls” ??? Vinny gets no love and you’re one of the only people who writes about him often. I’d also love if you could get a little sexy action in there"

Ngl this is like 1600+ words and i wrote it in like twenty minutes and loved every minute of it. i really hope you like it! i didnt end up adding anything ‘sexy’ but its pretty gratifying to say the least lol.

Song: gold by sleeping with sirens

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee @ryansitkowskiswifey @joeybarber @thisplace-ishaunted

+++++++++

i rocked back into the couch, laughing at what chris had said. he was sat next to me, very comfortably, as we chatted amongst ourselves. we had been very close friends for a very long time and i was over the moon that he'd invited me to travel with them for this tour as the videographer. not only did i get to expand my portfolio but i also got to connect with my best friend and his band.

"okay but do you remember that one fall at the orchard when you tripped on that apple and ended up face first in the dirt?"

he laughed out and i sent him a shocked expression.

"i thought we agreed to never bring that up!"

i protested, the other guys around us sort of laughing along, them only half paying attention as they played a new video game. their focus was above our heads.

"but it was hilarious. i looked up for a split second and BAM! there you went."

he said loudly, being a little more expressive at the 'bam.' i shook my head at him.

"okay then, if we are ratting each other out about stupid shit weve done,what about that one time you got your hand stuck in the Christmas tree ties on your dads car?"

i said matter-of-factly. his eyes got wide.

"hey! that was an accident and you know it. we couldve taken my whole arm off!"

he said in his defense.

"i thought it was hilarious."

i said sternly back, smiling widely at him. he stuck his tongue out at me, a notion i gladly mirrored. then he grabbed me around the shoulders, pulling me to him. i screamed at the sudden motion, looking to vinny and rick who were sitting across from us for some guidance but they were to into the game.

"you two are too much."

ricky laughed out, looking at ryan for a second as he walked by. chris pulled me closer before licking a stripe up my face.

"ew!"

i said pulling away from him and wiping his saliva off of my face.

"asshole!"

i said, grabbing his face and blowing raspberries into his cheek. he laughed incredulously, pushing me away from him.

"youre nasty."

he said mimicking my notion and wiping his face. i punched his arm lightly before swinging my legs into his lap, him holding them there and looking down at me endearingly.

"so are you."

i said back, shaking my head at him, nose scrunched.

"you know you love me."

he said, bringing his face closer to mine.

"well yeah."

i said back, squinting at him.

"i think im done for tonight."

vinny said suddenly, pausing the game. ricky sent him a look like 'wtf?' and watched him stand.

"im gonna go get some air."

he said and we all watched him walk off the bus.

"that was weird right?"

i asked and they all nodded. i had a good few chances to talk to vinny since tour had started and he seemed like a really cool guy. someone id be lucky to call a close friend by the time tour was over if not something more. part of me felt bad, like chris and i really where too much for him to handle in that moment. but this was how we always were. we practically survived our teens years together, losing touch for a bit but inevitably going back to the way things where when we found each other back.

"you guys mind if i go out there too?"

i asked and they all sort of shrugged at me, chris letting my legs go so i could stand. as i did i leaned down and kissed the top of his head.

"dont miss me while im gone."

i joked and he rolled his eyes at me.

"of course not."

i laughed a little bit as i descended down the stairs, pushing the door open and seeing vinny leaning against the bus.

"you okay?"

i asked softly, walking to him and rubbing my hands together. i had sort of forgotten how cold it had got. it was late fall after all but the bus was so warm and inviting i didnt even think about grabbing a jacket before leaving. i half shivered as i walked closer, his face being illuminated by the street lights outside the venue.

"uh yeah, everything's great."

he said a little condescendingly, kicking his foot into the gravel under him.

"im sorry if we were too much, i guess when we get together we have a tendency to overshare and its not for everyone. but i suppose thats what you get when youre comfortable with someone the way we are."

i tried to defend to him and he let out a short sigh-laugh.

"its no big deal, you guys really like each other. its cool."

i smiled.

"yeah, hes my best friend."

vinny nodded once.

"how long have you guys been together? i dont recall him ever talking about you before."

i drew my brows.

"together?"

i asked and he seemed just as confused as i was.

"look i get it, chris gets all the girls, being the front man and all."

he seemed a little jealous.

"but i dont think he ever mentioned you before tour started and then one day he told us about some girl coming on to film us. but clearly you guys are close so do you have like a, i dont know, like a open relationship type thing?"

i laughed a little bit.

"you think chris and i are dating?"

he half shrugged.

"well yeah, its kinda obvious."

i shook my head and took his hand in mine.

"vinny i can assure you that chris and i are just friends. if anything hes like the brother i never asked for nor wanted but got anyways. but life just does that sometimes."

he looked down at our connected hands and let go of me promptly.

"i guess it just doesnt seem like that."

he said a little hurt. i sighed and leaned against the bus next to him.

"it would be kind of weird to bring it up to him but i like someone else in this band, if you wanted to know."

i said, looking at him a little hopeful he was picking up what i was putting down.

"oh."

he said sadly. i sighed, i guess not.

"yeah, hes super cool, and nice, and ive really enjoyed connecting with him."

i shivered as the wind blew and he finally looked over at me.

"are you cold?"

he asked, ignoring what i had just said. i nodded a little bit, crossing my arms over my chest.

"just a little bit but i ll be fine."

he shook his head at me.

"no way, here."

he said taking his jacket off. at least he had long sleeves on. he placed his jacket over my shoulders, pulling it together in the front.

"thanks vin."

i said as we both returned to our positions against the bus.

"would your new dream guy do that?"

he half joked, i could still hear the venom in his voice. he was absolutely jealous. i thought it was funny because now he was jealous of himself.

"actually yeah."

he scoffed, hiking his foot up on the side of the bus.

"great."

he said looking away from me. i stepped closer and nudged him.

"he would because he just did."

he looked at me and drew his brows together.

"wait you mean?"

he asked, his face turning to that of shock. i nodded.

"god, yes. vin ive had a crush on you since i got here."

i laughed out.

"i didnt think you would like me back and then i realized just now that that was utter bullshit."

he half smiled.

"and whys that?"

he asked a little cocky.

"you were jealous of chris and that has only happened to me a handful of times in my life. once in highschool when my boyfriend said he would break up with me if i didnt stop hanging out with him. once when i graduated college and my then boyfriend accused me of sleeping with him. and right now."

he looked down a little ashamed.

"yeah i guess that wasnt fair of me to do. i just figured since you guys hit it off so fast that you were into him."

i laughed a little bit.

"dont get me wrong i love him with my whole being, but seeing someone go through puberty just does something to your vision of them ya know?"

i asked and he laughed back, nodding.

"okay, well if you really are into me, would it be stepping to far to ask you out?"

he said hopefully and i grinned widely at him.

"i would love that vin."

he sent me a tired smile in the dim street lights.

"may i also be so bold as to ask if i could kiss you?"

i let out a nervous laugh. i was really gonna let that happen huh? i nodded.

"id like that a lot vin."

he stepped closer to me slowly, placing his hand gently against my cheek, running his thumb over it. his hands were rough and calloused from playing the drums so long but i didnt mind. it kind of felt nice. he looked deep into my eyes before leaning down and capturing my lips in his. all of a sudden it felt like home, like this was it, the thing id wanted for so long and never found. his other hand made its way to my waist as he deepend the kiss. i sighed into him, practically melting against his mouth like chocolate left outside in the sun on a hot day. when he pulled away he rested his forehead against mine and smiled like an idiot, one i gladly returned.

"fucking finally."

i heard from behind me, the bus door clicking closed. both of us turned to look, seeing ricky and chris standing there grinning from ear to ear. i had a mad blush splayed across my face now and was thankful that the light was behind me so it would be harder to see.

"how long have you been standing there?"

i demanded, walking to chris and punching his arm. he laughed in pain as he rubbed his arm.

"long enough to see the sparks fly."

he teased, pushing me back. i rolled my eyes at him.

"get your ass back in the bus."

i said opening the door and escorting him back inside. he made kissy noises at me as rick followed him up the stairs. i shook my head and turned around, jumping a little bit at vinnys presence behind me.

"rick had kind of been waiting for that for a while."

he said, looking up at the now closed door. i raised a a brow.

"oh?"

i asked and he sent me a bashful smile, scratching the back of his neck lightly.

"ive been crushing over you for a while too. and being jealous of chris just as long, rick's been pushing me to say something. i guess it just took one last little push."

he shamefully laughed out.

"at least now we're on the same page."

i said before standing on my tip toes and bringing him down to kiss me again, both of his hands going to my waist.

"now come on, im still cold and the bus is much warmer."

i joked and he nodded along.

"agreed."

#wattpad #x reader #vinny mauro #miw #vinchenzo mauro #Vincenzo Mauro #imagines #one shots #243

[bergarachan]

A proposal for the fluff prompt,,, I would Weep™️

So this is gonna sound really weird but ive literally never written established relationship before it was so much fun!! the boys, if they were together, would be lovey-dovey goofballs. :”””D enjoy!

“You ready, Shane?” Ryan asked, coming out to the living room. The two were gettng ready to film an episode of weird wonderful world. Ryan saw Shane waiting for him in the living room and gasped. “Woah, you look...” He looked Shane up and down. His boyfriend was wearing a white button-up with patterned navy blue pants. He had a jean jacket over the button-up. Shane looked good. “...Wow.” Was the only thing that came out of Ryan’s mouth.

Shane laughed. “Is that all you’re gonna say?”

Ryan giggled along with him. “Well, yeah, you usually don’t wear stuff like this.” Okay, that was kinda an exaggeration. But usually Shane would wear something more casual than this during filming. Shane and Ryan had been spending the entire day inside, watching movies and playing board games. They had all day to get ready, and he’d even seen Shane planning his outfit about two hours before he had to leave. 

“I think it looks good.” Shane said goofily, smiling to himself and making Ryan laugh even more. 

“You look look amazing, hon.” Ryan smiled, going on his tip-toes to kiss Shane on the cheek, making his tall counterpart’s smile grow even wider. His boyfriend was such a fucking dork.

The two boys got into the car, Shane immediately sliding in the front seat, a sunny smile on his face. 

“What’s got you so happy?” Ryan asked.

Shane shrugged. “It’s a nice day outside.”

It was a nice day outside. Shane and Ryan never got tired of the sunny streets of LA (okay, Shane did sometimes, but they went to Chicago for most holidays, so he didn’t get to complain) and it was a lovely day in August. The sun was out, kids were playing, people were laughing, and it reminded Ryan of why he loved this city so very much. 

As they drove, they smiled as the sun started to set. “When’s the crew gonna get to the set?” Ryan asked, staring at the scenery outside. 

“They’re gonna be a little late, Ry-guy, so I decided to go out to dinner first.” Shane said. “That alright?”

Ryan frowned. “Late? Why?”

“Brittany texted me a couple hours before we had to leave, she, uh, she said that a couple of the cameras stopped working.”

“What?!” Ryan exclaimed. 

“Yeah, crazy, right? They just stopped, all in like, the same night.”

“Maybe there’s something wrong with the camera brand... or some shit,” Ryan muttered to himself. He was fairly happy with dinner, though. Dinner sounded lovely. “Is this why you took the time to pick out your outfit, fucker?” He asked Shane teasingly.

Shane snorted. “You saw me do that?” He hesitated, “Maybe...” 

Ryan giggled. “You’re such a sap, you know that, big guy?”

“Only for you, babeyyy!” Shane exclaimed, then he launched into song, “I been cheated by you since I don’t know when!”

“Nope, Shane, no, we are not singing Mamma Mia right now-” Ryan tried to cut him off, but Shane continued, of course.

“So I’ve made up my mind, it must come to an end!” The Mamma Mia soundtrack was special to both Ryan and Shane. It was kind of their anthem when Shane was there for Ryan after a horrible breakup, and then the breakup after that. Singing the songs terribly while dancing around a dimly lit room was one of the steps to realizing that they were in love with each other all along. So as much as Shane does sing it, Ryan can never get sick of it. 

Ryan stuck through Shane’s horrible rendition of “mamma mia” all the way to a restaurant beside a beach. It was a place that the two of them had never been together, however they were both familiar with the place. It was minimalistic and atmospheric, and it had bitchin burgers.

When they were both seated and had both ordered burgers, Ryan caught Shane staring at him with what their fans loved to call “heart eyes”. As he always did, Ryan smiled bashfully under Shane’s gaze. Shane always had an effect on him, even after dating for two and a half years. Shane always made him blush, giggle and swoon like a highschool girl. And he knew it was the same for Shane. “What’re you lookin’ at,” Ryan snorted, flushing more under Shane’s stare.

Shane sighed. “Even before we started dating I always wanted to take you here.” Holy shit, what was up with Shane and being a sap today? He told Shane as much. Shane just took Ryan’s hand in his and said, “Just love you, is all.” Ryan was surprised. Shane wasn’t the kind of guy to be gushy and lovey-dovey. He more loved to show people that he loved them, without really telling them so. This was different.

Ryan smiled. “I love you too, Shane.” He squeezed his hand tightly.

Shane and Ryan got into their normal banter over dinner, almost getting louder than the families with children with their usual arguments and bits. They were laughing and giggling the entire time, though, and once again Ryan was reminded why he loved Shane Madej so gosh-darn much. From day one, since filming unsolved, Shane was always Ryan’s best friend. There was no separating them. And then, years ago, with the creation of Watcher, and working every day beside him, Ryan rarely got sick of him. If anything, it helped him realize his feelings even sooner.

After paying the check and getting up from their seats, Ryan asked, “The crew ready, Shane?”

Shane checked his phone, and, after a moment, shook his head. “They’re getting in the car. On their way over. Wanna take a little stroll on the beach?”

Ryan smiled. “Always.” This beach in particular reminded him of their first kiss.

___

“Shane!” Ryan caught up to Shane, bare feet slipping in the sand. It was nearly midnight, and the boys had finished filming season 7 of Unsolved Supernatural. After drinks, Shane suggested eating snacks on the beach. Only problem is, they had forgotten snacks. So they decided to run around like children and play games instead. Ryan panted, hands on his knees as he finally caught up. “I can’t keep up with your stupid long legs,” He wheezed.

Shane laughed. “One of the perks of being six foot four.” Ryan whacked him playfully on the arm.

Suddenly, Ryan noticed the moon, full, bright, and beautiful. He stopped to stare at it. “The moon is beautiful tonight,” He muttered, admiring the sight.

“Yeah,” He heard Shane say beside him. “Gorgeous.” Ryan glanced over at Shane, and his smile fell when he realized that Shane wasn’t looking at the moon.

He was looking at him.

“Shane,” He whispered, as if his name was something secret. Their relationship had taken a turn, recently. The stares had been longer, the touches had lingered, the smiles had been wider. It was unspoken. But now, Shane had spoken it.

Shane wrapped his arms around Ryan’s waist. Shane bent down a little, and Ryan went on his tip-toes. They gravitated towards each other. 

Shane kissed Ryan like he was the most precious gift in the entire world.

___

Ryan smiled dreamily at the memory. It gave him butterflies in his stomach to this day, years later. “Remember that night when we played games in the sand? On this beach?” He asked Shane. The sun was nearly setting, just touching the horizon of glittering water. Not many people were around this part of the beach. It felt like a secret, just for Shane and Ryan.

“Yeah,” Shane replied. “That was a good day.” The two were silent for a moment, before Shane said something. “Ryan?”

Ryan laughed. Shane’s voice sounded serious. Probably a bit, Ryan assumed. “Yeah, big guy?”

“Can I ask you something?” The taller pulled Ryan close to his chest.

“Sure, shoot.” The latter giggled. 

And it was like a movie.

Shane suddenly dropped to a knee. Ryan gasped, laughing all the way. There was no way this was happening. This had to be a bit; this had to be a joke.

And then he saw Shane getting something out of his pocket. “Shane,” Ryan tried, choking up.

“Ryan,” Shane held up a black velvet box. “You are my best friend. To the moment we started being friends, to the moment I fell head over ass in love with you, to now, I’ve realized that I always want you in my life. I always want you by my side.” Shane sniffled a little himself, wiping his eye with a finger, before continuing, “You are… an angel, Ryan Bergara. I know I don’t, uh, believe in that stuff, but sometimes I’ve seriously questioned if the guy upstairs sent me an angel… to… protect me, and whatnot.” They both laughed teary laughs. “I’m not one for saying my emotions out loud, and whatnot, but… I am so in love with you, Ryan. And I think we’re destined, if that even exists, to be together for the rest of our lives. So, Ryan Bergara,” He opened the box to reveal a beautiful silver ring, “Will you make me the luckiest, happiest man on the world, and marry me?”

Of course, by that point, Ryan was in tears, trying to stiffle his sobs. “Yes, fucking,” He sniffled, “Yes, Shane. I love you, yes, yes,” And as he rushed in to hug his partner, he heard a round of applause from behind him. He turned to see, of course, the fucking crew. Brittany, TJ, Andrew, Steven, Mark, everyone, all with cameras. “Wha-? Were you all in this?” Ryan asked, wiping his tears.

The crew all nodded, laughing, cheering and whooping. “Shane and I have been trying to put this together for months.” Steven spoke up, smiling.

“Months?” Ryan’s voice went up, like, five octaves. “Shane…” And, of course, being the emotional guy he was, burst into tears again and ran into Shane’s arms, earning an awww from the crew. Ryan and Shane shared a romantic kiss, and Shane slipped the ring onto Ryan’s finger.

“I love you, angel,” Shane whispered into Ryan’s ear, only for him to hear, and Ryan doesn��t think he’s ever been more happy. This is it. This is the best day of his life.

“I love you, Shane. Forever and ever. We took an oath.”

(Later, the video was posted on the Watcher channel, titled, “How I Proposed to Ryan”. Fans, of course, went fucking crazy. Ryan wouldn’t have anything any other way.)

#i cried writing this #imagine if this actually happened tho #shyan #shyan fic #proposal #proposal fic #shyan fanficiton #shyan drabbles #belle writes #belle chats #ask #answered

[alleiradayne]

LONG JACKET A DESTIEL-ISH SERIES

Over the last few years, I’ve seen some of the craziest shit hunting with the Winchesters and their angel, Castiel. But this story right here? This isn’t about monsters. This isn’t about the battle between good and evil, heaven and hell. I understand all that.

It’s people I don’t get. People are crazy. And we do crazy things when we’re in love.

PART IV - UNDERSHIRTS

Summary: A lot of investigation, a little bit of a lead, and some personal time between Sam and Y/N. Warnings/Tags: Seriously, more awkward flirting, mentions of missing persons, investigations Characters/Pairings: Castiel, Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Female!Reader Word Count: 1,656

“This doesn’t make any sense.”

In a rare display of emotion, Sam tossed the dossier onto the dash of the Impala. “Why in the hell did five random dudes just… disappear?”

The Impala rolled around a corner as Dean turned down a residential street outside of Salem proper. “Maybe they were rushes? Initiation gone wrong…”

“They’re twenty-seven. If you’re going back to college at that age, the likelihood of joining a fraternity is very slim,” Sam replied. “I doubt a group would even rush them.” His chin dropped into his right hand, elbow propped on the sill of the passenger door. “None of this makes sense. I don’t even think it’s a case.”

There’s a reason I don’t play poker. Dean saw my reaction clear as day in the rearview mirror. “What’s up, Y/N?”

“I’m not sure anything up our alley is going on here,” I managed. “So I dunno. Vampires? Draining young, healthy guys and discarding the bodies?”

Beside me, Castiel shrugged. “It’s unlikely. There’s no other vampire behavior. These people went missing in the middle of the day.”

Sam whipped around to face him. “What?”

“The last time they were seen was the middle of the day,” Castiel stated. “You read the reports, right? That’s the only common thread I found.”

“Son of a bitch.”

Dean’s exaggerated gasp rent the air as he gawked at Sam, then laughed when he saw Sam’s flat stare. “I can’t believe it, the great Sam Winchester, investigator extraordinaire, missed something.”

“Shut up. It’s not like you noticed either,” Sam retorted.

As hard as I tried to hold back, unbidden laughter shook my shoulders. Between Sam’s irritation—I never wanted to annoy him, but as of late, it seemed relatively easy to get under his skin—Castiel’s impatience, and Dean’s one-track mind, my ribs burned with the effort to keep quiet.

“Hey,” Dean admonished as he slowed the Impala in front of a pale blue house. “I don’t hear you offering up anything besides lame-ass vampires, Ms. Y/N.”

“That’s because,” I started as I opened the door, “I bet you won’t like my best theory much.”

A metallic crunch echoed through the neighborhood as Dean exited the Impala and rounded the front-end. “Oh, I’ll take it,” he continued. “Twenty bucks says you can’t piss me off.”

Halfway up the walk to the house, I rounded on him and said, “I don’t think there’s a case here, and I think Detective Williams’ called you to get laid.”

If anything, Dean was, at most, mildly offended. He knew we weren’t dumb. Maybe he had hoped we wouldn’t figure it out. When the subtle pink blossomed on his cheeks again, he attempted to side-step me for the house, but Sam grasped him by the shoulder and pointed at me.

“Pay the lady.”

That indeed seemed to piss him off. Dean shoved a hand in his pocket, tore out his wallet, and shuffled through it. Then he smacked an old twenty-dollar bill into my hand and grumbled to himself as he stalked past.

“I think there’s actually a case here,” Castiel said over my shoulder.

“How so?”

He gestured to the house directly ahead. “I think we’re about to find out.”

Too many hours in and out of the car had stiffened my legs and knotted my neck. Not to mention all the sinking sofas, worn-out chairs, and leaned on countertops at five different interviewed homes. But it had all been worth it.

“Groceries.”

Dean kept repeating himself the entire way back to the motel.

“Groceries.”

“Dean, we get it, the last thing they told anyone they were going to do was grocery shopping,” Sam barked. “Why is that so weird?”

When the Impala lumbered over the driveway and into the motel’s parking lot, I decided it was time to play the game. “They all went to the same store. Could have been one of the employees.”

“That’s… a possibility, sure,” Sam started as he exited the car. When I followed, he continued. “But it’s just as likely that they were randomly targeted on the way to the store. Or out of the store.”

“Which store?” Castiel asked at the door.

Dean unlocked it and strode through. “L&M Foods.”

I had made it across the motel room and withdrawn my pajamas from my bag when Sam said, “We should take a look around tonight. When there aren’t so many people around.”

My chin slumped to my chest. “I guess I’ll sleep later.”

Castiel rushed to my side and touched my forehead with no warning. Warmth spread through my entire body, but when he withdrew his hand, I still ached. “You need to rest. We can check in the morning.”

Sam regarded Dean, who shrugged, then turned back to me with a worrying twist to his lips. He closed the space between us, then asked, “You gonna be okay, Y/N?”

The aching muscles in my neck screamed out for relief in the nearness of Sam. But I kept that to myself, despite my staring at his massive hands. “I need to get some sleep.”

Either he could read minds or body language. I’d bet on both. Sam’s soothing touch rubbed my shoulder. Perfectly innocuous, and every bit the caring friend he seemed determined to remain.

Except Dean knew otherwise. At least, I assumed he knew how I felt. When I spotted his crooked smile, I dug as deep as humanly possible for every ounce of resolve to not blush.

“Cas and I can—,” Dean started, but he froze when he turned to Castiel. Again.

Castiel had removed his suit jacket, tie, and button-up before anyone had noticed. “I… thought we weren’t going anywhere until tomorrow morning.”

To that day, I had never seen Dean’s face turn so red so quickly. And then it finally dawned on me. Where I had saved face—albeit a fraction—when caught pining for someone, Dean openly blushed, stared without reservation at the object of his affection.

Look, I am the first to admit that I know next to nothing about flirting. Hell, half the time, all I did was irritate the piss out of Sam. But Dean and Castiel knew fuckall. And at that exact moment, as Dean stared at Castiel in suit pants and an undershirt, everything made sense.

“You know, now that I think about it,” I started far louder than I had intended. Dean startled as he averted his gaze, and Sam snatched his hand from my shoulder. “We should get a look tonight.” Though I tried to fight it, a wide yawn interrupted my statement, and Sam’s touch returned.

“No, Y/N, you need rest,” he insisted. “You two can go tonight yet, right?”

Castiel shrugged back into his shirt. “I don’t need to sleep, but are you—”

“I’m fine!” Dean barked as he grabbed his jacket and rushed out of the motel room.

The dejected sigh from Castiel as he tossed on his suit jacket—he had forgone the tie, left in a pile on the table—followed him to the door.

“Hey, Cas.”

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Give him some time,” I said. “He’ll figure it out.”

He smiled at that. “Thank you.” Before heading through the door, he regarded Sam with an equally fond smile, then left.

When the door closed, I turned to Sam, but he spoke first. “Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

The perfect opportunity had presented itself, and I wasn’t about to waste it.

“You know, riding in the backseat of that car all the time really does a number on my back.”

“Oh,” he quipped as he sat on the bed. “Here, sit in front of me. The only spot in the Impala that is remotely comfortable is the driver’s seat.”

Well, shit. Can’t say I didn’t try. I did as he said and sat on the edge of the bed. Deft hands and precise thumbs started in on the knots of my shoulders with expert accuracy. “I guess you would know.”

“My neck is constantly killing me,” he agreed. “I usually take a couple tennis balls in a sock to my shoulders. Hurts like hell, but the relief is worth it.”

A momentary silence filled the space as my mind slowed to nothing and sleep threatened. Before long, I slumped over, and only Sam’s gentle shake woke me. “Sorry. Castiel wasn’t joking. This exhaustion is fucking terrible.”

Sam squeezed my shoulders one more time before motioning towards the bed. “You should change and get some rest. When we get back to the Bunker, I can really take care of these.” He prodded the lingering knot at the base of my neck.

“I could return the favor, too,” I suggested as I stood.

It wasn’t until I turned to him and found a blush on his cheeks, similar to Dean’s, that I understood. “I mean, only if you want, just thought I’d offer, you know, it’s fine if you don’t, I get it, it’s kind of weird—”

“I would enjoy that very much.”

If I hadn’t been so damn tired, I might have made another move. But sleep beckoned—no, demanded—my attention. I offered my best beyond-exhausted smile as I turned for the bathroom and, once there, shut the door.

I didn’t bother locking it. I knew Sam wouldn’t come in unless I explicitly asked. And even then, knowing how I’d burned the wick at both ends for far too long, he would merely drag my dead weight into bed to sleep. And sleep I would. Dear Lord, I never knew the human body could experience such draining exhaustion.

After a quick change of clothes and a brushing of teeth, I left the bathroom and found Sam at the table pouring over dossiers. His brief smile faded the second he returned to the profiles, eager to get to the bottom of the case.

As I curled into bed, I convinced myself that he wanted to get back to the Bunker sooner than I did.

Reblogs and feedback are awesome. If you want in on the tags, send me an ask or a DM!

LONG JACKET MASTER LIST

ALLEIRADAYNE’S SPN MASTER LIST

#destiel #destiel fanfic #destiel fanfiction #castiel #castiel fanfic #castiel fanfiction #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester fanfiction #sam winchester #sam winchester fanfic #sam winchester fanfiction

[bisexualdaemon]

Gin and Juice: Part IV

a/n: In which a meeting takes place, Reader lies (again), and Shawn plays a big game.

The response to this series has been truly, truly incredible. I’ve gotten so much unexpected feedback and I love all of it. Keep liking, reblogging, and commenting! I always want to hear from you!

Previous parts are on my MASTERLIST

warnings: American football content, sorry for the jargon 😬

Shawn was pacing with nervous energy, jangling his keys in his pocket. Checking the time on his phone, he huffed and unlocked it, making sure that he’d sent her the right room number.

Study Room B038. Friday 5 PM.

It was 5:04. She was late. He had chosen this time specifically because he had an easy out if he needed to leave. Every Friday before a game, he had team dinner at Coach’s house at 7 PM, then the whole team left on buses to stay off-campus at a hotel to rest up and stay on curfew before the game. But, this girl, whoever she was, probably didn’t know the schedule, so he was free to make up any time that he had to leave with just a little white lie.

He heard the door knob turn and froze. Her head was bowed, shoulders forward, a posture it looked like she defaulted to, when she walked in. He couldn’t see her face behind the thick waves of soft brown hair hanging in the way. Not two steps into the room, she tripped over the nearest chair, heading straight for the floor.

Shawn took two big strides and caught her by the shoulders mid-fall. Her head popped up, locking wide ocean blue eyes with him. Recognition stirred, flashing images swimming in his vision. A spilled beer. A wet shirt. Looking back at those blue eyes and feeling the blush bloom on his face.

It was her.

He walked out of the living room, swimming with humanity, as fast as possible. Too many people. He could practically see his worth reflected in their eyes. They only saw what he could give them, what he could bring them. None of them knew or cared about him beyond the material or social value he held.

Lost in his thoughts, he rounded a close corner on his way to the kitchen for something harder to drink. It wasn’t until his cup fell out of his hand that he realized someone was there.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” he yelled over the noise of the party. At first, she just stood there, looking him up and down like she wasn’t quite sure if he was real. She swivelled her head up to look at him, and he inwardly gasped at her eyes. They looked like cerulean cut glass, so blue and yet so clear that he felt like he could see straight down to their core. It was as unsettling as it was exhilarating.

She still hadn’t made a move since he spilled his drink all over her. He took a survey of the damage, which allowed him to stare at her petite body for just a second longer  than he probably needed to. She was fucking cute as hell. Where did this girl come from? He realized he was looking at her instead of helping.

His head shot up toward the kitchen, seeing his idiot left tackle walking toward him, “HEY GEOFF!?! CAN YOU BRING ME A RAG OR SOMETHING??”

Shawn turned back to her, noticing her shivering. Why won’t she say something? He pleaded with her to talk to him with his eyes, softening his gaze like he would with a baby deer. She felt so cold, but he could see the sweat starting to collect on her brow.

Geoff finally returned with a rag and he started to help her by dabbing it on her chest. Her eyes widened in momentary panic, and she jumped half a foot away from him, out of his reach.

His face bloomed pink in mortification. He handed the cloth to her, stuttering apologies, clearly dropping the ball and wanting to escape as fast as possible. When he had gotten far enough away for her to not notice, he looked back. She was still standing there with those wide blue eyes staring. He really wished he could have heard her voice.

* * * * * * * * * *  

He held your shoulders for a beat too long. The look on his face reminded you of that night in the bathroom just before he had thrown up, but this time there was confusion mixed with a strange wonderment.

“Uh, Shawn?” you snapped, waving your fingers in his face, really needing him to stop touching you. His imposing figure and rough fingers on your skin made it difficult to breathe, let alone think. He blinked several times and shook his head, “sorry, sorry. Uhh, you’re late.”

“Thanks for pointing that out,” you said with a little edge in your voice, “I’ve been outside the door debating whether or not I should come in.”

The confusion in his face deepened, “you were going to stand me up?” He shook his head again, as if no one on the planet had ever suggested such insanity in his entire life. It would have been annoying if it weren’t so earnest. You rolled your eyes at him.

“It’s not about you...well not 100% about you,” you really weren’t here to divulge the nature of your social anxiety, “just never mind, why are we here?” You looked at him expectantly. The earnest expression had slowly morphed into something timid and slightly...embarrassed?

You were confused. He had wanted you to come here to talk but now he seemed like he was rethinking it. He was nervous about whatever he came to say. His eyes wandered to his feet, bound in leather Chelsea boots, as he kicked the carpet. His athletic legs were wrapped in the skinniest black jeans you’d ever seen. He ran his hands down the fabric clinging to his thighs and finally spoke.

“Uhm, yeah. So,” he looked off past your head, avoiding your eyes at all cost, “how badly would you be offended if I asked you your name?”

His cheeks flushed bright red as he wrung his hands in front of you. He looked like a small boy who knew he’d done something wrong. A very tall, very muscular, very gorgeous small boy. What had happened to that charm? You held your hand up to your face to hide the smile that threatened.

He didn’t remember your name. Did he remember anything about that night? Did you want him to? It had been six days since that night, so if he was going to remember something, it probably would have happened by now. Maybe you could play this off, just tell him your name and make something up about what happened after he blacked out. You could put this whole thing to bed once and for all. It seemed like that might put him at ease.

You let the laughter bubble up to the surface. It sounded strange to your ears, a little too high-pitched and a little too effervescent, but you hoped he wouldn’t notice. You had to make this casual, had to make it believable. He couldn’t know you were lying. You reached out and touched his bicep.

“Oh, it’s fine, Shawn,” you giggled, telling him your name, voice dripping with nonchalance, “you’re a busy guy, and we were both drunk at that party.”

He looked puzzled for a minute, but then smoothed his brow, nodding, “Yeah, yeah we were.”

“You really don’t remember?” you asked, trying for incredulous, “we hung out in the kitchen for a bit. I grabbed your hand and wrote my number. It was innocent.” By the end, the pitch in your voice had climbed three octaves. Maybe he would think you were crazy and that would solve all of your problems.

“But, why didn’t you want to meet with me? In public?” he asked, sounding hurt. Shit. You grasped for idea strings in the giant ball of twine in your mind. This was starting to get complicated and you weren’t sure how long you could keep it up.

“Uhm, I was embarrassed,” you mumbled, sounding more convincing, “I basically threw myself at you and you didn’t want me that night. I really didn’t want to face that in the light of day. I didn’t want anyone who might see me with you to ask questions later.”

“Oh,” he said, scrubbing the nape of his neck and looking almost remorseful. Maybe this was working. He glanced at you out of the side of his eye and you thought he might attempt to poke holes in your story. But instead, he just shrugged violently, “well, I’m sorry I disappointed you.”

He sounded like he might have meant that in some way other than in reference to your lies. Both of you stood there awkwardly, shifting weight in opposite directions. You were getting dizzy from the boat-rocking sensation. He looked placid, blank.

“Well,” he said, exhaling breath he must have been holding, “I have to go to team dinner.” He turned to open the door wide, but before he stepped through, the composed look in his eyes faded and let a pleading traitor in. It reminded you of the look he gave you that night when he spilled his drink on you—like he just needed you to say something to let him in.

It only lasted for a second, replaced by cool detachment, an essential ingredient in his chainmail of charm. He took a stride through the door and called out behind his shoulder, “it was nice meeting you!”

And then he was gone, leaving you alone in the basement study room with a sneaking suspicion that you had just made a huge mistake.

* * * * * * * * * *  

He buckled up his pads over his shoulders and tightened the laces on his cleats. The locker room was noisy, loud rap music playing over the A/V system to pump everyone up. Shawn knew he wasn’t in the right headspace. He knew that he shouldn’t have a pair of blue eyes stuck in his head. He knew he shouldn’t be thinking about her shoulders, so delicate beneath his hands. He knew he shouldn’t be thinking about how she lied to him.

What was she trying to hide?

He couldn’t figure out her angle. She had no idea that he remembered seeing her earlier at the party. The fact that she hadn’t mentioned it was his first red flag. But, she didn’t know that he had a clear memory of her that night. She didn’t know that her behavior in the library betrayed the girl he’d spilled beer on and silently begged to speak to him.

He still felt like he hadn’t heard her real voice.

“OKAY BOYS,” Coach Bradford yelled as the team made its way through the tunnel, getting ready to run out onto the field, “EVERY GAME IS FULL OF INFINITE CHOICES. MAKE SURE YOU CHOOSE THE RIGHT ONES.” Always a last minute cheesy pre-game line to make us think about the philosophical reasons to play the game, “LET’S GO PLAY SOME FOOTBALL.”

Every time Shawn burst out of that tunnel and onto the field, the deafening roar of the crowd took his breath away. It was one of the rushes that kept his running out here every fall, every week, every minute. This week was rivalry week and the crowd was even more live than usual.

He looked out into the crowd, something he wasn’t accustomed to doing. He hated seeing the hungry eyes of all the people there expecting him to win the game for them. But, this week, he scanned for a familiar pair of blue eyes. A crazy endeavor because there was no way he would see her in the ocean of people surrounding the field, but he flipped through a thousand pairs of eyes nonetheless.

“MENDES,” Geoff screamed over the crowd, “GET OVER HERE.” He ran over and butted foreheads with his left tackle, their pre-game ritual. He positioned his mouthguard, made the sign of the cross, and dug his cleats into the turf. The whistle blew, flying high above the cheers.

Shawn should have known it wasn’t going to go his way when he thought he saw her during the first quarter. He lined up at the five-yard-line looked out above the line, called the play, and snapped the ball. Behind his receiver, he caught a flash of blue that made him pause. He took an extra breath, changing his tempo, and let the ball fly directly into the hands of his opponent.

It got worse from there. After three fumbles, two more interceptions, and five missed tackles, Shawn felt like he was taking an ass-kicking. He couldn’t get her out of his head. Somehow they were tied, thanks to a couple of great defensive plays and a lucky run after a handoff, and heading into the two-minute warning, he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. A loss could jeopardize everything—the conference championship, a national championship bid, his Heisman chances. The weight of the potential disappointment pressed against his chest.

They moved the ball down the field, killing clock until it was the last twenty seconds from the ten. He had one play left to get the ball in the endzone. He dug the ball of his foot into the turf at the line of scrimmage. Crouching behind his lineman, Shawn called the play, “BLUE-42! BLUE-42! HURRY!” He took one last breath in, “HIKE!”

Everything moved in slow motion. He faked the handoff to his running back, leaning back. He pumped once, twice, closed his eyes against the deep blue threatening his vision, and let the ball fly.

to be continued...

So did he win the game? Tell me your theories! 

Taglist: @abigfatmess @lifeofthedarty @coffeebringsmelife @transparentjudgepicklething @super-fire-breathing-girl @infiniteshawn @lietomeat3am @lavieenbananabread @blue-skies-are-alright @song-bird-shawn @disappointingyellowhighlighter @brittanyzelazno @lifeofthedarty @sowhatshawn @stillinskislydia @hiterase 

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn peter raul mendes #my writing #gin and juice

[agentromancff-blog]

⎣ elena satine, cisfemale, she/her ⎤I just saw [ NATASHA ROMANOFF ] walking around new york. they’re [ 112/LOOKS LIKE 30ish ] years old and go by [ BLACK WIDOW ]. they had kids with [ MARIA HILL ] and I’ve heard they’re [ IN A CIVIL PARTNERSHIP ]. they’re also [ AN AGENT OF SHIELD ]. at their best they’re [ STRATEGIC & INTREPID ] but at their worst they can be [ MANIPULATIVE & CIRCUMSPECT ]. ( ty, she/her, 21, est )

{ trigger warnings : mentions/implications of death, abuse, alcoholism, violence/murder, pregnancy, hospitals, war, & mental illness }

last intro for the day. im sure everyone knows the loml aka natasha romanoff so i tried to keep this mostly headcanon & relevant information based~ 

ABOUT NAT //

because im very upset about what the mceu did to my poor baby,,,, they did her DIRTY guys,,,,, my nat is much more heavily influenced by the comics

this means shes much more of a hardened, elite super spy, more cold and callous, etc... 

so here’s a brief recap of my version of nat’s backstory that i’ll be using: 

it’s sort of a combination of both origin stories. 

so i imagine. 

shes related to the last ruling czars of russian

when the place she was living in caught fire, her mother tossed her out the window and ivan caught her. he raised her as his foster daughter. he turned her over to the red room and she was raised & trained by them

she has false memories conditioned into her mind through psychoactive drugs, conditioning videos, hypnosis, and torture, of her cover story outside of the red room. aka as a dancer for bolshoi theatre. but she also learned ballet in the red room. 

after her red room training was complete, natasha worked for the KGB and was set up in an arranged marriage with her first late husband, alexi

she was told her husband died in a rocket crash, and donned for herself the alias black widow

it’s later revealed that all this happened when she was very young, natasha left at some point and married her second husband on a battlefield at war. where she confessed to being pregnant. she gave birth to her baby on the battlefield, rose, who was born a stillborn because of the serum and experiments that altered natashas physiology and rendered her incapable of having children 

her life’s been a constant string of. getting Fuckt Over by people. ivan at some point attempts to seduce her, plants nanites in her that spread to every person she touched, then every person they touched, and turned them into merciless monsters who started beating each other to death. shes been brainwashed by her masters countless times. and i mean,,, her entire training as a child revolved around her growing up to be a seductress and assassin which,,, okay nat. my poor baby. 

she tries very hard to be better. but at the same time she’s still,,, she does really shady shit sometimes i mean,,, she surgically removed her face and swapped it with yelena belovas,,, to give the woman a mental breakdown and convince her that shes natasha,,,,

soooooo here’s more about where i see her personality wise and where shes at in life rn:

if anyones read the 2019 Black Widow series, thats a pretty good indication of the kind of natasha romanoff i’ll be writing 

i listed her as cisfemale but ive always headcanoned that natasha would love the opportunity to explore gender in a more diverse way, ideally as a more genderfluid character, since she’s constantly had femininity shoved down her throat and was forced to weaponize it. but it’d take being around the right people and being in the right environment where she was comfortable to let down those walls. aka. might take a hella long time so it’s probably something i’ll explore with her in the future 

canonically natashas gone off to fight rebels in wars when she’s needed someplace to get out her black widow training and conditioning and murder impulse. i hc that she probably falls off the grid and goes to war every now and then to fight. it’s hard to have a family when she’s constantly fighting her conditioning and trying to repress her innate instincts to kill. between nat and maria, nat was,,, oddly enough probably the more absent parent of the two 

nat loves motorcycles. and guns. she also has a bad habit of stealing everyones clothes because she rarely wears anything of her own 

she has an issue with attachment. to the point she literally refused to admit she was adopting her cat, liho. but she’s started making an effort for maria and her family’s sake -- though she hates feeling like she has attachments to things/things that can be used against her. so she gets kind of. weird about it sometimes. 

no one knows about rose or her marriage save for a handful of people -- aka someone who had found out about it and blackmailed her with it. aka the daughter of the person who helped her deliver the baby on the battlefield. nat is also really weird with babies for this reason. 

my nat is an alcoholic. she’ll never admit it though. in the comics she drinks,,, every day. every time that she comes home from an assignment, she drinks. usually its wine but she’ll often go for harder stuff (typically russian stuff) when wine isn’t enough. 

it’s very rarely depicted in the comics (likely because she covers it up with sfx makeup) but nat has a red room tattoo on her left shoulder. she cant bring herself to remove it, because she wears her black widow name also like a badge of pride. she’s reclaimed everything that’s happened to her -- that tattoo is no different 

nat very rarely wears jackets. she doesnt need to. she got used to training in the bitter russian winter wearing next to nothing -- she’s very acclimated to the cold. 

she has flashbacks, particularly pregnancy related. also canon in the comics -- when she got injured in her stomach she had a ptsd episode of her stillbirth 

similar to my hc about her gender tho natasha hates bra shopping and hates bras in general. unless theyre sports bras. she finds them so uncomfortable and will only really wear them with the intention of seducing someone

i think the most important aspect of my nat tho is that she never does anything for just one reason. it could be the most simple action like. eating eggs for breakfast. but theres going to be a million and one explanations for why she specifically to eat x amount of eggs cooked x way on x day at x time for x meal. this is even more evident in relationships. sure, she does things out of the “goodness of her heart” but there’s always going to be ulterior (not necessarily malicious tho) motives to it, too. nothing is ever just. surface level with her. 

oh yeah shes also the worst person (or best depending on your perspective) person to bring to a party i mean,,, playing truth or dare? ur Fuckt. playing card games? look at that Poker Face n her ability to read people. playing board games? say hello to a master tactician who also happens to be a perfectionist overachiever and one of the most competitive ppl in the world thx

anyways thanks for reading all my rambles about my little murder baby aka the actual love of my life. i’ll probably remember more headcanons as time goes on. but thats all i can think of at the moment!! so yesss i cant wait to bring my murder baby to you to awkwardly and anti-socially love you all in her own way.  

#﹠⋅ 。✖ ꜰɪʟᴇ. ⋮「 ── she wears the scars of her past with pride. 」 #﹠⋅ 。✖ ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴡɪᴅᴏᴡ. ⋮「 ── natasha romanoff. 」 #unstoppable;intro #alcohol tw. #abuse tw. #death tw. #「 classified. 」

[wordswitharielle]

February 26th

It’s not the day after like it had been when I wrote the journal entries before. Now I’m sad, a little more in love, and a lot less creative.

It’s been the most domestic morning we’ve ever had together and yet one of my favorites.

I fell asleep last night before you even selected anything on Netflix. Head hit the pillow and I fell into a deep sleep. I woke up to you still sleeping but not minding when I rolled over closer to touch you. It was a slow, quiet wake with soft morning kisses before I decided to crawl out of bed.

Now you’re joining me in the shower. The shower is plenty big for both of us but the water is only enough for one of us to stand under. This morning I don’t mind though, I just want to be close to you.

Your grey tank top is on the bathroom counter so I slip it on with my Calvin Klein panties to make you breakfast. We really didn’t buy a lot knowing we only have a hot plate. Really don’t want to fuck this up or I’lll never live it down. Maroon Five’s Sunday morning song seems fitting. Crank it up to an appropriate morning volume.

Eggs, check. Cheese, check. Bacon? Prosciutto will have to do. Do we have oil? Yes!

Hmm lets see how this prosciutto fries...looks kinda grey. Oh well. Crack two eggs on the counter because that episode of Chef says its a better way of keeping shell out of the pour and avoids breaking the yolk. Nice, it works.

I think he would prefer the smoked Gouda over the dill havarti. He doesn’t have much of a choice here but the eggs fried well, yolk is still a little runny. Breakfast in bed. God, I love this guy.

I think I’ll have the havarti cheese with mine. I wish I had toast to make with this. Hits the spot though.

We don’t have any plans today but we agree to get donuts after a bit of lounging and fucking. Guess I should brush my teeth since my cheese and coffee breath has tortured him during missionary kisses. I’m not even slightly embarrassed. I think its funny, I know its bad.

Voodoo donut here we come. You hate my backseat driving but its only been three days so you still put up with it. $12 for 4 hours in the parking lot a street over. Let’s make the most of it.

A donut for me, a donut for you....fuck it, lets get a box. We’ll try one right away and save the rest, a donut a day. Glazed Raspberry jelly....drooling like a dog....so good.

What should we do next? We can walk. Quick google. Lets get lunch, nothing fancy.

Easy tiger is your idea and a few blocks down. Wow there are a lot of homeless people. Please don’t let go of my hand!!! What if they steal the donuts!!!! Or your iPhone.

We made it. Restaurant portion is downstairs and it reminds me of Ireland right away. The brick, the tables with chairs, the lighting and even the grunge fashion of the waitstaff. I keep that thought to myself until you tell me its what you imagine my Ireland experience to be like. Menu is small and perfect for a little bite to eat. The waitress reminds me of someone but I cant think of who, its going to drive me crazy. A couple is signing to each other. The universe is on our side.

How do you always order the best items off the menu!!! Your latte with whip cream and sprinkles is magical. I want something fancy now too! Dirty chai better be good here. I love sitting next to you in places like this. We don’t have a ton to talk about today yet everything we talk about fills all the right silences.

I KNOW WHO SHE REMINDS ME OF!! Lexxe, my woman crush from Company XIV. Lets reminisce. I love going to shows with you. Something I never thought I’d love doing with just one person the way I love it with you.

I don’t feel like we’ve wasted any time or money not staying the full four hours we paid to park for. Lets go home.

Pit stop for ginger beers and champagne.

Walk in the door and agree its acceptable to start day drinking. You’re pooping so I crack a ginger beer. I think about making you a drink but I’m not sure how long you’ll be in there for so I’ll wait. Suppose I’ll make the bed and cleanup a bit. I want some music, its beautiful outside but I want to stay in. YouTube whatcha got? Scrolling through recommendations...PERFECT. Quinten T’s best soundtracks. Bluetooth speaker on, lets hope this is a good one. Opening the curtains for the sun to beam in and sliding the window up for some fresh Austin air, there’s magazines on the table I hadn’t cared to look at before. Austins top eats with a full list of bars. Flop down across our king size bed on my stomach to skim through the articles.

There you are. I shouldn’t be surprised that you know exactly where this music is from, you know me so well. And somehow I ended up right there in Austin from the cover of pulp fiction.

I love that we read, a thing I never cared to share before.

Speakeasy and dinner ideas. You’re playing that game you always play. Ginger beers are going down fast and you’re on your first mimosa.

So many laughs now. Ive watched you eat donuts and taken a creepy amount of candid pictures of you just being you. Those are my favorite.

Time for a bath. Music is still blaring and gets a little louder the stronger my buzz gets. It’s a bathbomb kind of day, the one you got me from Georgia. It’s blue. We’re in the bath, laughing and loving. Prince is on and I am so happy right now.

We have killed a day doing nothing but eating and bathing.

I’m going to put a facemask on to think my skin is glowing while we watch some Netflix. Maybe a power nap too.

Indian for dinner....I hope its as good as Taj. I love that you suggested eating in. I didn’t even think about it but that’s exactly what I want to do tonight. We can go out later if we want.

Grub hubs largest man delivered the worst Indian food I have ever had in my life. The meat sweats are real right now and I’m shitting my brains out. This better be short lived. Half an hour later, maybe a shower will help me feel better.

Okay we have to rally. I don’t want this to be a wasted night, DIG DEEP GIRL.

Pink pants, white tank and my jean blouse. Feeling a little uneasy but its bearable. We can Uber. How can you think I’m so hot when I just BLEW that bathroom up and my color still hasn’t returned? I appreciate you for that.

“Milonga Room?”

“Around the back, red door. Just ring the bell, they might let you in.”

We’re in!

It’s smaller than I thought and so perfect. Fun but fitting Spanish music. I love when you sing along. Drinks I can’t pronounce and feeling a little better but still not fully recovered.

These drinks are sweet but they’re good. We’re quiet, I’m stressing that maybe its me and I’m ruining the mood. Deep breath, we enjoy each other’s silence sometimes. It’s not your fault....but maybe it is.....you’re not yourself when you don’t feel good.

Few quick sips, breath. Okay, I’m feeling better. We’re chatting. One drink down got me thinking, “shit, maybe I am about to be his baby mama...”

*mental reminder I did take my pill today...and then another for good luck.*

You think you’re so funny and I forgot I was even stressing you weren’t having fun with me.

Two drinks, we’re us again. A few more after that. We have a good buzz and its last call. 1130 and I’m ready to go out...but it’s Wednesday and closing time a lot of places. It’s probably safer that way. Home it is. You’re standing one step up as I come out of the bathroom and I go in for a hug. I don’t know what song is playing but we’re swaying to the beat. A picture. It’s definitely horrible but my favorite forever.

Did you order the Uber? No I thought you did! LAUGHS!

Fake ass Bronx Uber driver. Glad its a short ride, this guy is a douche and I want to get home and get handsy with you.

This is us! Run inside. Strip!

Make out session as I climb on top of you. Sloppy drunk kisses, you’re so much fun.

Liquid courage is about to make you eat those words about mediocre blow jobs.

How am I doing? Well you called me baby for the first time. I’ll take that as a win.

Wild drunk sex. Toothbrush somewhere in the mix. Ive gotten off so many times but we’re drunk and its late so I’m not sure if you do.

Sleep creeps up fast

What time is it? You’re inside of me again, shhhhh. I love when you do this. It’s slow and half asleep sex. You’re getting into it and I’m just happy to be close to you. Sleep takes over again.

[emhoardsbooks]

behind the curtains

Remus and Sirius don’t know what’s developing between them. It takes sharing a bed to set them down the path of understanding what their feelings really are.

AO3 // pt 1.

CHAPTER FOUR

i.

Remus woke up and, before he even opened his eyes, knew he was in the hospital wing. He knew from the ache of his leg muscles, the familiar sting of a new wound on his shoulder, and the soft light of the afternoon filtering through the white curtains that always separated him from other students. The extra weight on the bed and the fingers rubbing soft circles on the back of his hand, however, was new.

He slowly opened his eyes and found Sirius was with him. Remus had hoped it’d be him but James, Peter and even Lily were often there when he came to so he never got his hopes up for only Sirius. His friend had pulled his chair as close to the bed as possible and, while trying to do charms homework from the looks of it, had rested his head on the bed and fallen asleep. Remus wondered if Sirius had taken his hand before or after. If it had been a conscious decision or not. He really hoped it had been.

Nearly two months had gone by since Valentine’s Day and Remus’ head still spun every time he tried to make sense of what was happening between them. He had tried to give Sirius signs that he liked it and wanted it to continue. He sat closer to him on the couches in the Common Room, arm slung behind them and hand running through Sirius’ hair. He hooked his ankle around Sirius’ every time they sat next to each other in the Great Hall. Once, he had even come close to kissing him.

They had been alone in their dorm one morning. Remus was sure that Sirius was getting dressed so damn slowly just to fuck with him. Sirius claimed that going to Hogsmeade required the right “look” and he just couldn’t find a certain shirt. It was agony. Honestly, who could eat so much and still have abs like that?

He had been doing fine, until Sirius breezed by him just a little too close. Remus felt the brush of Sirius’ bare stomach across his arm and he lost it. A moment later he had Sirius pushed up against one of his bed posts, wrists pinned above his head. The smirk the other man sent his way drove him up the bloody wall. Remus wanted him. And that smirk told him that Sirius knew it and really had been fucking with him. Infuriating.

Remus leaned in, as close as he could get without actually kissing him. He felt Sirius go still, heard his breath hitch, saw his eyes darken. And knew Sirius wanted him too. But anxiety flared in his chest as he realized what he was doing and before he could push it any further, he hoarsely whispered, “Put a fucking shirt on.”

He let Sirius go and stormed out to wait with James and Peter. Since then he had been agonizing over not taking his chance when he had it. He hated himself for being too cowardly to jump in feet first and just let it finally happen.

But Sirius was still here. Watching over him, caring for him, holding his hand. Remus felt his heart clench as he realized that maybe he hadn’t blown his chance. He drifted back to sleep with a smile on his face at the idea of another chance being just around the corner.

ii.

Go to sleep, love.

Ever since Valentine’s Day, Sirius had wanted to kick himself. Merlin, where had that even come from? Yes, he had been sharing a bed with Remus and yes he had gotten him a gift for a day usually celebrated between lovers. But calling him love? Was he insane?

He tried to brush it off and forget it had happened. He called people that all the time right? But it had felt different. His tongue had formed the word softly and with care, as if Remus were the only one he was ever meant to say the word to. Some nights, when Remus had already fallen asleep, Sirius would say it again. Just to see how it felt.

“Sweet dreams, love.”

“Night, love.”

“Love.”

“Remus, my love.”

“I love you.”

Every time he said it, no matter how, it always felt right. So he decided to see if Remus might feel any bit the same and began to taunt the other man. He’d run his hands down Remus’ arms when they lay in bed together at night. He’d gently touch Remus’ back on his way by to see James. He’d wink at him over his goblet when Peter told a dirty joke at dinner. But on the day Remus slammed him up against the four-poster bed, Sirius wondered what he’d been doing all this time. It was just flirting yes, but did he really want it to happen this way? With Remus frustrated and confused and, possibly, angry?

Part of Sirius had been happy when Remus had pulled away so abruptly. It hadn’t been right. They needed to bloody talk about their shit before they did anything or it would never work between them.

“Are you awake?” he whispered as he crawled into Remus’ bed. Pomfrey had let Remus go back to the dorm but she insisted that he had to take it easy while the work she had done to fix up his shoulder finished healing. Sirius was conscious of this as he slowly settled down on the side where Remus wasn’t injured.

“It’s hard to sleep after,” Remus said quietly. He didn’t have to explain. Sirius had always noticed he had trouble sleeping after the full moons. He sometimes wondered if his presence in bed did any good. If it soothed Remus, made him feel safe enough to fall asleep.

What he had wanted to talk about could wait. The feelings threatening to break him in two if he didn’t talk about them soon, could wait. For now, he gently wrapped an arm around Remus and said, “It’s okay, I got you.”

iii.

“What’s going on between you and Sirius?”

Lately, during his prefect duties Remus had been getting paired with fifth years. So he was thrilled when he was finally paired with Lily. If he had to hear any more complaining about O.W.L.S he would throw himself down some stairs and say they had suddenly started moving on him to get out of rounds for a few nights. But if he’d known he’d have to have this conversation, he might have thrown himself down some stairs anyway. Now he was trapped with her.

“Don’t know what you mean,” he said stubbornly. Remus loved Lily, and he loved that she had been spending more time with the four of them, but Merlin was she too observant for his own good.

“Fuck off, you know exactly what I mean lover boy.” Despite his best effort to hide it, he felt his neck turn nearly as red as her hair. She laughed at him and looped their arms together, pulling him so close that it made walking awkward. He didn’t mind though, everything could be made more comfortable when Lily was with you. Maybe that’s why he finally opened up to her about it.

“I don’t know what’s going on between us, to be honest. We’ve been sleeping together nearly every night. The more I’m with him, the more I hate being without him. There’s just something pulling us together and I think he feels it too. But every time something might happen, something else just holds us back.”

“Maybe you’re the ones holding yourselves back.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He looked down at her as she stared straight ahead, looking like she was concentrating hard on something.

“Well you oughta sort it out don’t you think?” Remus laughed. All that time acting like she was concentrating and that’s what she came up with? Lily Evans really was something else; sometimes he could almost see why James was so smitten.

When he got back from rounds he changed out of his robes and into his pajamas. It was getting warmer out and with the added heat of Sirius’ body, he decided to skip the shirt. He smirked as he wondered how Sirius might react. Two could play the whole taunting-you-with-my-nearly-naked-body game. He crawled into bed, a smile still on his face from his time with Lily, and made himself comfortable. Sirius turned toward him. Remus felt pleased as, despite the dark, he saw his friend’s skin flush.

“What’re you so happy about?” Sirius mumbled.

“Nothing really. I just got to spend some time with Lily tonight. She made me think about some things.”

“It’s too late for thinking.”

Remus rolled his eyes and reached across the empty space between them that only got smaller each night. He cupped Sirius’ face and slowly slid his hand backwards until he was running fingers through the man’s soft hair.

“Well,” he said, slowly pondering how he could say this next part. “Go to sleep now and in the morning, you can think about whether you want to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend.”

“I always go to Hogsmeade with you, you prat.”

“No, Sirius, not like that.”

Sirius didn’t say anything else and his even breathing told Remus he had fallen back to sleep. His stomach twisted in a knot with worry that he had been too bold. But something about the way Sirius relaxed into his touch and fell asleep with a smile on his face told Remus he hadn’t been. He had a feeling they both already knew the answer. Neither of them needed to think about it any longer.

iv.

“Why did I agree to this, James?” Sirius’ head was down against their table in the Great Hall. Lily and James sat across from him, mild looks of concern on their faces but mostly just amusement.

“Is he having a melt down again?” Peter asked as he took a seat beside him. Sirius turned his head just to glare at him. His so-called friends just laughed.

“Look, mate,” Peter said as James and Lily’s laughter died down. “I just left Remus outside the door and he’s shitting himself too so just relax.”

“I think, what Peter is trying to say,” Lily said, “is that you’re both equally nervous because you both have wanted this for so long. Just relax and it’ll be fine.”

She reached over and lifted his chin so that he was staring into her brilliant green eyes. Ever since Lily had started chumming around with them, something special had settled between them. One night he found her crying in the Common Room and before he realized it he was holding her, stroking her hair, telling her it was okay that she had a shit sister, because he’d be her brother now. Something passed between them that night and it passed between them in the look she gave him now. Lily said it would be okay. He believed her.

“Better release Pads, Lily, you don’t want Remus thinking you’re trying to seduce his date,” chimed in James.

He whipped his head toward the entrance to the Great Hall and sure enough, Remus was striding towards them. Sirius’ stomach did a flip. Why was this huge loser so bloody attractive? He felt his body start to slide off the bench and under the table. It was fight or flight mode and he was getting the hell out of there. He wanted to fight for this thing between them, he really did. But fear of the unknown gripped him and made him want to run back to the comfortable seclusion of their bed curtains where they didn’t have to worry about anything.

Sirius snapped out of it when he felt sharp kicks to both his shins. He sat up straighter and glared at the pair across from him. He’d give James and Lily shit later for being so in sync that they kicked him at the same time. But for now, he had a date to pay attention to.

“Ready to go?” Remus asked. Sirius had to crane his neck to get a good look at him, the damn fool had a smile so bright that it lit up the Great Hall and still he was nervously shitting from foot to foot.

“Yeah, I’m ready.” He stood and hesitantly took Remus’ hand. Remus gently squeezed his fingers, reassuring him. “We’ll see you guys later.”

“Have him back by ten!” James hollered as they walked away.

“Use protection!” Peter added.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Lily added.

As they left the Great Hall and joined the stream of students heading to Hogsmeade for the day, Sirius looked at Remus and quirked his eyebrow. “What wouldn’t Lily do?”

“James?” Remus offered.

The pair burst out in laughter at their friend’s expense. Sirius couldn’t believe he had been having doubts about this day. This had been a long time coming and now that it was finally happening, it just felt right. After all, with Remus with him, everything was perfect.

next chapter >>

#mine #fanfic #btc #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #marauders #marauders era #swearfam #faithsfam #fabhpfamily #reb's gang #ganjsfam #sandhyasfamily

[nihilismdan]

one more spoon of cough syrup now.

word count: 2647 warnings: none summary: The three times that Phil takes care of Dan when he's sick and the one time that he doesn't. a/n: under the cut.

a/n: so basically i’m sick, and on my way to get the things to kick this cold’s butt i was like, why don’t i write about it? so i did. and i didn’t have a beta bc it was gonna be short and sweet. i tried. hope you enjoy!

i.

2009.

“You’re sick a lot, aren’t you?” Phil says, putting a small pillow on his thighs and Dan lays his head against it, staring at the TV playing. He had almost cancelled visiting Phil, but he wanted to come anyways because it had been a long time since they last saw each other and he missed him and things at home were shit and he felt like if he didn’t get out of the house he’d go crazy.

“My body just hates me,” he sniffles again, he hasn’t been able to taste anything the past couple of days and it’s been torture. Phil rests a cold hand against Dan’s forehead and it feels good. His eyes close for a moment and he sighs a little. This was good. This was worth the long hours on the train, even the nausea he was feeling earlier.

“My mum used to baby me a lot whenever I got sick. She’d come home from work and bring me a candy bar and some medicine and then she’d rub my back,” Phil speaks half mindedly, his eyes are to the screen, they’re watching reruns of Buffy, well Phil is, Dan is just experiencing the second season now. Dan’s eyes droop but he smiles, though it’s a bit sad.

“My mum just told me to rest and every once in awhile she’d maybe bring me soup. She wasn’t that much of a nurturer growing up though.” He got more nurtured when he was with his grandmum, she would come over if she heard he was feeling sick with biscuits and a special kind of tea that she had gotten from Morocco on her last trip, while he wasn’t sure that it would exactly help it was still a nice thought that she’d come all the way over and make Dan feel comfortable. It was more than what his mum did. Yet he couldn’t really blame her, Dan wasn’t an easy to child to love when he was sick. He was needy and often thought about the worst possible scenarios of his sickness even though it was more likely a common cold.

“If I had known you back then I’m sure my mum would have loved to take care of you,” Phil smiles down at him although he’s not really paying attention, the medicine had finally kicked in. He can tell he’s asleep by the small little noises he’s making which is quite cute for Phil. His hand rests on his shoulder and he rubs his hand up and down his arm since he seems cold but he doesn’t want to move because he’s afraid that he’ll wake Dan up.

It’s the moments like these that he cherishes, while Dan is up at all hours there are times when Dan has fallen asleep over Skype because his body couldn’t handle it and Phil just sits there, afraid to leave in case Dan woke up and thinking that Phil left. That was the main thing -- he didn’t want him to wake up alone. From what he knew about Dan is that he was alone a lot of the time, not that he directly told Phil this but he spent a lot a time alone or at work or waiting at home for Phil to come home so they could talk, and Phil didn’t want to be another person that left him alone.

He hears more sniffling and then a cough.

“Thanks, Phil,” he can hear Dan faintly say, it’s small, and he knows that he’s probably fast asleep again but it makes Phil feel warm inside.

If Phil’s only job was to take care of Dan the rest of his life he’d be pretty okay with that. Even if it’s just offering a safe place to sleep.

ii.

2012.

“How do you feel?” Phil sits down on the couch across from Dan and he is sniffling as he plays Skyrim. He’s wearing the same shirt for the past couple of days and hasn’t bothered to leave his room much other than to get food and water. Phil wants to help but he doesn’t know how, the air is tense nowadays but Dan doesn’t look that great and he’s paler than Phil.

“Like shit,” Dan’s voice doesn’t even sound like him as he sniffles again, rubbing his sleeve against his nose and sniffing with a cough to follow. “It feels like there’s a bunch of pressure in my forehead and it makes it hard to see sometimes- if that makes sense?” he looks at Phil again and shakes his head.

They haven’t talked much, they don’t communicate that well, at least lately, and Phil kind of misses his best friend but given the circumstances he understands. It felt nice having Dan out in the living room even if it was playing videos games in a shirt that he’s worn the past few days and hair that desperately needs to be washed. Though Phil admires his curly hair he hasn’t gotten to see that in a while.

“I’ll make you a cup of tea,” Phil says, getting up but really he just is trying to find something to do. Dan just killed someone in the game and he cheers a little but it’s followed by another cough.

“You don’t have to take care of me Phil,” Dan says as he goes to the kitchen and Phil shrugs. He’s right. He doesn’t have to take care of him, the way that Dan’s been acting lately he doesn’t deserve it but he wants to, not because he has to.

He remembers a long time ago the numerous times that Dan would curl up against Phil when he was sick, wanting to be touched and held for those brief moments because the lack of it from his mother or just generally needing some kind of warmth against his cold body, he remembers those conversations that were said over the course of one to five in the morning, when the coughing was so great and the heaving, and all Phil would do is just rub his back a little, and tell him the first story that popped into his head, and Dan would say, “That’s nice, Phil,” and mean it. Nowadays there’s always some sort of sarcastic remark and a smile that’s not all too warm but patronizing.

So, no, he doesn’t deserve the tea, but it’s the only way that Phil can help. Those tiny little strings of miscommunication and a little bit of anger won’t repair itself so Phil has to be the first one to make the jump.

He leans against the counter as he waits for the kettle and if he remembers Dan’s tea preference it’s one sugar and a plop of milk. He grabs his favourite mug and then lets it steep.

By the time that Phil gets the tea ready and decides to add biscuits as well Dan is curled up on the couch and asleep. So he places the tea and biscuits by the coffee table and grabs the blanket and wraps it around him. Deep down Phil knows that while sometimes they don’t talk to each other or fight, at the end of the day they’ll always be there for each other, even when it doesn’t seem like it. He likes to think that if Phil were sick he’d do the same. He doesn’t really want to think about it though.

The tea will eventually get cold and the light from outside will eventually go, but Phil will sit in the lounge with him watching a rerun of something on the telly until Dan eventually wakes up. And maybe he’ll encourage Dan to take a shower and wash his clothes for him.

iii.

2014.

Dan doesn’t have much of a voice, they’ve been communicating through a whiteboard and sometimes Phil swears Dan’s cough shakes the entire apartment. They’re meant to be working on the book but Dan needs a few days to get better and Phil understands. He’s lying on Phil’s bed with his phone on a pillow by his head and he’s curled up, shivering a little. Phil gets into pyjamas and lays down next to him, grabbing the remote to the television and turning it on and lowering the volume. Dan’s back to him but he can feel him stir and turn over, his front facing Phil and he places a cold hand on his forehead and Dan moans a little.

“You’re always sick,” Phil’s voice is warm and honey, his thumbs massage across Dan’s temple, and swirls his nose.

“What are you doing?” Dan asks faintly, a hand settling on Phil’s stomach.

“My mum used to do this to me as a child. Whenever I couldn’t fall asleep she’d rub her thumb against my forehead and nose and for some reason it always helped me sleep,” Phil had a story for everything- his memories are always fond ones of his mum and dad.

He drops his fingers and continues watching the telly.

“Well go on, why’d you stop?” Dan asks, his brown eyes peering up at Phil.

It had seemed that Phil was always teaching Dan something. Whether it was physical acts of love that he was taught growing up by his parents, or the art of patience and understanding during times that were particularly hard for both of them. They had grown up a lot since the last time Dan was incredibly sick. And even then it had never stopped- the taking care of him. While Phil often got sick after Dan it was never to the great extreme of Dan and often pushed Dan away when he was sick because of pride or because he didn’t want Dan to think that he was incapable of taking care of himself regardless of how dumb it sounded.

Phil chuckles, his thumb connecting freckles like constellations and maps- while Dan’s skin was blotchy because of being sick he was still the most beautiful boy he had ever seen, even when he was like this. He knows Dan isn’t asleep, but his eyes are closed and he knows that he’s enjoying it. He’s giving back to Dan the pieces of his childhood and he hopes that one day when they’re ready Dan will give back what Phil had taught him to a child one day.

“You are quite needy when you’re sick,”

“Shut up.”

iv.

2017. 

Phil had been denying that he was sick until eventually he had given in and cancelled a liveshow because of it. He couldn’t get out of bed because the room would spin and his head felt like there was something pressing up against it, dying to be let out of it’s cage. Perhaps that was a bit dramatic but it was the first thing that he could think of, whatever in his head being some kind of bird, but really it was just congestion.

Dan had errands to run, or at least that’s what he said, but Phil thinks it’s because he didn’t want to get sick either, which was fair- whenever Dan got sick it normally was a long time until he started feeling better while Phil normally bounced back fairly fast. He hadn’t done much- he tried to read, and then he tried to get on his laptop, but both made his eyes hurt so he was mostly just curled up under the sheets and trying to think of possible video ideas for the future. Somewhere along the way he had fallen asleep. When he woke up the sun was setting and he could hear the telly.

He had sweat a little in his sleep and was a little bit uncomfortable but if he moved he didn’t want to fall. He huffed a little and laid there, sometimes checking his twitter feed or catching up on what his friends were doing on facebook.

He had heard the door opened and Dan had a tray of soup and a cup of tea and some biscuits and he placed it on the available space that they had in the room, he sat at the edge of the bed and placed a hand against Phil’s forehead and removed some hair out of his face while he was at it.

“Unfortunate for you, I’m always warm, sorry,” Dan had chuckled a little, getting up and grabbing the tray. “I can confirm that I almost dropped it bringing it to you but that’s because I have long stick arms and tripped over my sweat pants a little but you know- it’s fine.” Dan had stirred the soup a little and lifted it to Phil’s mouth.

“Are you really feeding me?” Phil had made a face and Dan shrugged.

“I’m giving the people what they want,”

“Okay- but there’s no cameras. You’re so weird,” he had taken the spoon of soup and then shook his head. “I get that it’s supposed to be romantic, Dan, but I really don’t trust you to balance that and feed me at the same time,”

Dan had made a face and gave it to him to feed himself, “Fine,” he got up and grabbed the tea and held it with two hands and for some reason it was the funniest thing for Phil who laughed watching him hold it like a child with his big hands.

“I’m sorry,” Phil had cleared his throat, “I appreciate it though,” And he did. After all those years of him taking care of Dan the roles had reversed. Over time he had gotten over the idea that Phil had to be the one to take care of Dan when Dan was perfectly capable, in a way it was like he was trying to make up for those moments that Dan didn’t get to have from someone who loved and cared about him. It had been so long since that first time in 2009, they were different people, and they had grown in a way to where they were equals instead of Phil just being The Older One.

When Phil had finished the soup and drank the last drop of tea Dan had gotten changed into his pyjamas and Phil had gotten under the covers and Dan had pulled Phil a little bit closer to him. Someone had asked Phil once what Dan had smelled like- and the only answer that Phil could really think of was warmth. He was the embodiment of warmth, whether it was the little crinkle in eyes, or his dimple, or the little rosy part of his cheek, or the freckles splayed across his face, or the way that Dan held him, it was warm, and inviting. And many times felt like coming home.

Dan had rubbed Phil’s arm up and down gentle, sometimes his nose pressed against the side of his head, and Phil was in the place between half asleep and half awake, mainly because he liked being held- and he liked being taken care of. What surprised him was when Dan had started to rub his thumb against his temple and forehead, it had made him unbelievably happy that he had remembered -- but of course he remembered. He remembered everything.

Phil listens to the sound of Dan’s hum out of habit, and the telly is still playing in another room but it doesn’t matter.

“You know, you’re pretty good at this,” Phil mumbles into Dan’s side.

Dan can’t help but smile a little. “Yeah, I learned it from a guy,”

And Phil makes a joke that he must have been a pretty cool guy with cooler hair, and Dan gets a pinch because he said that it was alright.

In a couple of days Phil will feel better, there will be liveshows, and coffee, and bickering, and snacks in between, but for now- if only for a few moments, time stops and there’s nothing but warmth and an empty mug. And it’s okay.

#phan #phanfic #phanfiction #phan fluff #i was so vague about their room layout in 2017 bit bc no effin house tour #anyway its cool i hope you enjoy if you read <33

[carace06]

A lot of questions to fill up my ask box

1: Full name CHA

2: Zodiac sign: Gemini

3: 3 Fears: Snakes, deeeeeep ocean, pain of death

4: 3 things I love, my dog(dogs) family, food

5: 4 turns on: knee or thigh highs, lace, 

6: 4 turns off: hygiene, super needy, insane lol, and something else.

7: My best friend: I dont really know, i’ll say the guy ive known for the longest time that I still know, Adam.

8: Sexual orientation: vagina

9: My best first date: Dont remember

10: How tall am I: 5′4-5

11: What do I miss: Gordo

12: What time were I born: like 9:08 am

13: Favourite color: some kinds of green and blue

14: Do I have a crush: sure!

15: Favourite quote: Buy the ticket, take the ride.

16: Favourite place, Currently, Costa Rica, or Paris

17: Favourite food: Im a cook, how long do you have?

18: Do I use sarcasm: Never, dumb shit.

19: What am I listening to right now: Wilco, Impossible Germany

20: First thing I notice in new person: height

21: Shoe size: like 8

22: Eye color: brown

23: Hair color :brown/ dark

24: Favourite style of clothing: whatever im feeling 

25: Ever done a prank call? Used to

26: What colour of underwear I'm wearing now?Red Flannel

27: Meaning behind my URL: I have a flag in my room, and some other stuff.

28: Favourite movie: Fear and loathing, big lebowski, Snatch, into the wild, plentyyy of others

29: Favourite song: dont even ask

30: Favourite band: dont even

31: How I feel right now: very buzzed,and a hurricane is coming!

32: Someone I love: Wrigley, and family

33: My current relationship status: technically single

34: My relationship with my parents: great

35: Favourite holiday: halloween or christmas

36: Tattoos and piercing i have: tattoo on back. wanna get some added

37: Tattoos and piercing i want: look up

38: The reason I joined Tumblr: neighbor

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?: nope

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? yep!

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? No!

42: When did I last hold hands? dont know

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? depends on what im Getting ready for..... could take 2 min.

44: Have I shaved your legs in the past three days? every day

45: Where am I right now? couch in austin texas

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? myself

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? usually loud, again depends

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? no

49: Am I excited for anything? Football season, and the boxing fight haha

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? usually

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Its part of my job

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? today

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? have fun

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? probably 

55: What is something I disliked about today?working

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Keith Richards?, though ive heard hes a dick.... Jeff tweedy maybe. 

57: What do I think about most? Life

58: What’s my strangest talent? Drumming?

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Snakes

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? both

61: What was the last lie I told? i was late to work

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?both yes

64: Do I believe in magic? to an extent

65: Do I believe in luck? sure

66: What's the weather like right now?Hurricane Harvey bitch

67: What was the last book I've read? Im Reading “Meet me in the Bathroom”

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? Yes

69: Do I have any nicknames? yep. Avocado, Boodah.

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had? Getting Stabbed in the back

71: Do I spend money or save it? both  try to save more

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? nope fuck your tongue

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? no

74: Favourite animal? Dog, Cub bear, Panda, 

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM working and drinking

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Natas

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Never gonna give you up

78: How can you win my heart? be someone with the initials AS

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? .......

80: What is my favorite word? Rigmarole

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: meh

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?: Be Nice to everybody God Damnit!

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? No

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Well youre probably pooping some cool color.... but eh, itd be dope to fly and see people and places.

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Do you like quizzes

86: What is my current desktop picture?Amber Sherman

87: Had sex? yes

88: Bought condoms?yes

89: Gotten pregnant?close

90: Failed a class?yes

91: Kissed a boy?yes

92: Kissed a girl?yes

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? yes

94: Had job? plenty

95: Left the house without my wallet? Alot

96: Bullied someone on the internet? Tried not to

97: Had sex in public? “define public” (AS) lame answer. yes, at least somewhat, not in front of people tho. 

98: Played on a sports team?yes

99: Smoked weed? plenty

100: Did drugs? yes

101: Smoked cigarettes? dont, but yes

102: Drank alcohol? plenty, and currently

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? nope

104: Been overweight? nah

105: Been underweight? dont think

106: Been to a wedding? yes

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? probably

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe

109: Been outside my home country? yes

110: Gotten my heart broken? yes

111: Been to a professional sports game? yes

112: Broken a bone? possibly 

113: Cut myself? just once to see

114: Been to prom? nope!

115: Been in airplane? many

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? they wouldnt fit here

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? nah

119: Learned another language? tried

120: Wore make up? yea

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? yes

122: Had oral sex? yes

123: Dyed my hair? yes

124: Voted in a presidential election? yes

125: Rode in an ambulance? yes, stabbed

126: Had a surgery? yes

127: Met someone famous? yes

128: Stalked someone on a social network? yep

129: Peed outside? Austin Pee Party

130: Been fishing? yes

131: Helped with charity? yes

132: Been rejected by a crush? yes

133: Broken a mirror? yes

134: What do I want for birthday? Have fun

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? who knows

136: Was I named after anyone? Yes family history

137: Do I like my handwriting? meh not always

138: What was my favourite toy as a child? something teenage mutant ninja turtle

139: Favourite Tv Show? wayyyyy too many  ill say Breaking bad

140: Where do I want to live when older? who knows, maybe Austin, if it stops changing.

141: Play any musical instrument? drums, percussion

142: One of my scars, how did I get it? i was stabbed in the back, god damn dude

143: Favourite pizza toping? pep, or canadian bacon

144: Am I afraid of the dark? nah

145: Am I afraid of heights? nah though depends 

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?: plenty

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? of course

148: What I'm really bad at: answering questions

149: What my greatest achievments are: living

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: this question

151: What I'd do if I won in a lottery: I’d have plans

152: What do I like about myself: hard working.

153: My closest Tumblr friend: @falling-stars8675

154: Something I fantasise about: @falling-stars8675

155: Any question you'd like: @falling-stars8675

There you go @falling-stars8675

let me know what ya think!

[amoonlitmidnight]

decided to answer bc im bored

1.       If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

troye.

2.       Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

mine is going home. (will greyson will greyson)

3.       What do you think about most?

if c is okay.

4.      What does your latest text message from someone else say?

true.

5.       Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

with.

6.      What’s your strangest talent?

i can make good pigeon noises.

7.       Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence)

girls are wonderful yet complicated. boys that are good exist, but you have to sort through many awful ones to find them.

8.      Ever had a poem or song written about you?

not that I know of.

9.      When is the last time you played the air guitar?

on the bus to Bellingham lacrosse game.

10.   Do you have any strange phobias?

I am afraid of growing too old to keep memories.

11.    Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

blue berry, but who hasn’t?

12.    What’s your religion?

half-assed catholic I guess?

13.    If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

playing lacrosse.

14.   Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind.

15.    Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

the 1975 bc im basic.

16.   What was the last lie you told?

don’t worry about it, its fine.

17.    Do you believe in karma?

to an extent, yes.

18.   What does your URL mean?

thought of it randomly one night.

19.   What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness: relentless self-deprecation, to the point of believing that anybody complimenting me is out of pity.

strength: im funny.

20.  Who is your celebrity crush?

brendon urie or matty healy.

21.    Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

not yet.

22.   How do you vent your anger?

the vent app.

23.   Do you have a collection of anything?

important items/mementoes from the past year.

24.   Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting.

25.   Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

somewhat, but there’s always room for improvement.

26.   What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

hate: metal scraping/banging together, or other people blowing their nose.

love: laughter, rain

27.   What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if every choice ive made to get me to this point, didn’t happen?

28.  Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I believe that there are spirits of loved ones that look after us and guide us, but im not decisive about ghosts. aliens are 100% real, but maybe not in the way we expect.

29.   Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

right: bedside table/lamp.

left: book (will greyson will greyson)

30.  Smell the air. What do you smell?

stuffy.

31.    What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

7th grade camp.

32.   Choose East Coast or West Coast?

west coast.

33.   Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

matty healy or troye sivan.

34.   To you, what is the meaning of life?

to do what makes you happy.

35.   Define Art.

any form of creation.

36.   Do you believe in luck?

yes.

37.   What’s the weather like right now?

sunny.

38.  What time is it?

2:01 pm.

39.   Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I do not.

40.  What was the last book you read?

note to self.

41.   Do you like the smell of gasoline?

kinda.

42.   Do you have any nicknames?

g, stew, gstew, stewart

43.   What was the last movie you saw?

lion.

44.  What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

concussion.

45.   Have you ever caught a butterfly?

nope

46.  Do you have any obsessions right now?

troye.

47.   What’s your sexual orientation?

see #1

48.  Ever had a rumor spread about you?

yes, courtesy of matt.

49.  Do you believe in magic?

not really.

50.  Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yes.

51.    What is your astrological sign?

pisces.

52.   Do you save money or spend it?

spend it.

53.   What’s the last thing you purchased?

eyeliner, highliter, and primer at sephora.

54.   Love or lust?

love.

55.   In a relationship?

sadly, no.

56.   How many relationships have you had?

maybe one?

57.   Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

yes.

58.   Where were you yesterday?

last lacrosse game of the season at ballard, then alki

 59.   Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yes.

60.  Are you wearing socks right now?

no.

61.   What’s your favorite animal?

monkey.

62.   What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

be funny.

63.   Where is your best friend?

nonexistent.

64.  What is your heritage?

norwegian, irish, german i think

65.   What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

watching interstellar again.

66.  What do you think is Satan’s last name?

maybe he has one,  but he doesn’t need it. like beyonce.

67.   Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

I’d like to think so.

68.  You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

let that dog die without a second thought.

69.  You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) maybe one or two people in particular, c for sure. but not everyone, instead I tell them what I have always wanted them to know.

b) I tell people what I have never been courageous enough to say, and spend time with loved ones.

c) I would be more content than afraid

70.   You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

you cannot love someone if there is no trust.

  71.    What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

more than life by whitley.

72.   What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

2935.

73.   In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

determination and unconditional love.

74.   How can I win your heart?

show me you love me, or else I wont believe you, and be able to have conversations late at night about deep shit.

75.   Can insanity bring on more creativity?

of course.

76.   What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

attending hna and trying out for lacrosse.

77.   What size shoes do you wear?

9 I think?

78.   What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

do not go gentle into that good night.

79.   What is your favorite word?

titties.

80.  Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

anatomical.

81.   What is a saying you say a lot?

me when…

82.  What’s the last song you listened to?

tokyo narita freestyle.

83.  Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

light blue, lavender, or faded pastel yellow.

84.  What is your current desktop picture?

was my north cascade summer team, now it’s a photo from the 1975 concert.

85.   If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

trump bc im unoriginal.

86.  What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

my feelings for someone.

87.   One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

call the cops, or just put in earbuds and listen to music really loud with my eyes closed to distract myself.

88.  You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

reading minds or shapeshifting objects.

89.  You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

the penetration practice.

90.  You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

odea vs lakeside game when I realized co wasn’t my friend anymore.

91.   You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

matty healy.

92.   You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Amsterdam.

93.   Do you have any relatives in jail?

not that I know of.

94.  Have you ever thrown up in the car?

yes, drank some week old orange juice.

95.   Ever been on a plane?

yes.

96.  If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? 

you do you, ill do me. we may not be doing the same things, but well both me happy.

#mine

[thespookyswan]

Frozen Strawberries 

AO3

I

The first time Geoff Ramsey had any sort of interaction with Gavin Free was in the bathroom, during seventh period, after he had taken half the period sitting in the bathroom on his phone. He liked to spend most of his time during his study hall as far away from the annoying people in the class, and the bathroom was the perfect place to escape. He could also change into his work uniform there, so as soon as the bell rang to release him from the hellish high school he could book it and hopefully get another half hour.

He didn’t pay much attention when Gavin walked in- it wasn’t like he knew the kid at all. He didn’t have many friends, and Gavin certainly wasn’t one of them. Gavin was a grade below him and was popular. They never had any reason to talk, so Geoff was almost startled when Gavin turned to him.

“Are you skipping class?” Gavin asked, tilting his head just a bit.

“No. Unless you consider study hall a class.” He replied, trying not to sound too interested in the conversation. He wasn’t sure if this was some sort of prank or something Gavin had been put up to, or maybe a teacher had sent him.

Gavin was a big name in their school. He was the reason their school newspaper started up again, and he not only played on the rugby team but also founded it. He was elected class president both years he’d been in high school, and to top it all off he was a foreign student. People flocked to him, and Geoff never really got the chance to figure out his attitude.

“I was afraid you’d died. I saw you come in here like, half an hour ago. Is the bathroom really a cool place to skip study hall?” Gavin laughed, that charming little accent of his making Geoff smile at such a stupid question.

“I suppose it’s a preferred preference. You’d rather sit in class and chat, I’d much rather come here and nap.” He pulled his uniform out of his bag and started to change, causing Gavin to look the other way.

“Oh, you work up at the mall? I was thinking of applying for something, think you can give me a good shout-out?” Gavin was staring at the sinks now, trying pretty hard not to watch Geoff change.

“Can you pass a drug test?” Geoff asked, and Gavin made a noise that almost sounded offended.

“Of course I can pass a drug test! Are you trying to say someth-“ Geoff held his hand up to cut Gavin off, finally dressed.

“Then you won’t need anything from me.” And he left the bathroom, not wanting to continue the conversation much longer.

It wasn’t that Gavin was bad, or annoying, or anything like that. It was just that Geoff didn’t want people to think Gavin was hanging around him. No one really liked him at all, and Gavin had made quite the face for himself in the school. He didn’t want to be the reason Gavin lost that. So he just dropped the whole conversation in hopes that Gavin would catch the hint.

 II

The second time Geoff and Gavin spoke was at a party. Now, Geoff never was the type to go to any sort of party. He hated them, they took good time that he could be working and turned it into mindless drinking and loud, annoying music. The only reason that he ever bothered to go to any sort of party was when his only friend, Jack, would go.

Jack was a great guy. They had lived next to each other for as long as he could remember, and had been friends just as long. Jack was a quiet kid who, like Geoff, just wanted to float through high school without much happening. He was in a few clubs and liked to go to football games and the occasional party, and normally Geoff would tag along. Sometimes he’d have fun.

Tonight was not one of those nights. Jack had disappeared somewhere with some kid he had a crush on, and Geoff was left all alone. He didn’t even know whose house he was at, but didn’t want to leave without Jack. He went outside into the cold to escape the heat and noise of the party, hiding a drink in one pocket as he attempted to light a cigarette in the windy weather.

“Those aren’t very good for you.” The voice startled him so bad he dropped the cigarette and watched it roll right into a puddle. He turned to glare at the person and then found Gavin relaxing in a swinging chair, one arm resting over his forehead and the other brushing against the ground. He looked violently sexual.

“I don’t remember asking for your opinion.” He said instead of just giving the glare, and Gavin laughed as he sat up.

“I don’t see you smoking normally. Are you stressed out? This lousy party just a bit too tough for you, big guy?” Gavin said in an almost mocking voice, but the sweet smile told Geoff he was just playing around.

“I am stressed. I’d like to go home, but Jack disappeared upstairs with Michael Jones.” He grumbled, pulling the drink out from his pocket to have, now that his cigarette was ruined.

“Oh, wow, my boy is getting dirty tonight!” Gavin grinned, standing up to take the drink right from Geoff’s hands and chug over half of it. Geoff was almost turned on as Gavin handed it back. “I’m going to go ruin it. Jack’ll be down soon.”

With a wink Gavin was gone, disappearing inside. Geoff looked down at the drink, staring at the spot where Gavin’s lips just were. He shook his head around before any weird thoughts could come to him, and finished it before heading back inside to catch Jack.

III

The next time he and Gavin talked was in Gavin’s swimming pool. Geoff didn’t know how to swim. He didn’t like to swim. It was cold, and not necessarily swimming weather. But Gavin had caught him as he walked home from work, standing there in swim trunks and a towel wrapped around his shoulders and god, he couldn’t say no to that big smile.

He sat with his feet in the water, his pants rolled up at the edges. Gavin was laying on a raft, watching the stars above them. The pool was heated and Geoff had to admit the warm mist that was in the air felt wonderful against the cold around them. He watched Gavin closely, still in a bit of shock that he had been asked to come.

“Geoff,” Gavin slid off the raft and into the water, “You should get in. It’s nice. You don’t have to take your shirt off or anything if you don’t want.”

Geoff just blinked at the request, but as Gavin started to swim closer to him he couldn’t help it. He kicked off his pants and then slid into the water, shivering at first but then getting used to the warmth all around him. They were right at the shallow end, so he was totally fine as long as he was touching the ground.

Gavin got the biggest, brightest smile on his face and then reared an arm back to create a huge splash that hit Geoff right in the face. Geoff sputtered for a second, but then did the same back at Gavin. They kept it up for a long time, just splashing at each other and trying to get one much more wet. Everything changed when Gavin dove at him and took them both under.

He knew to hold his breath so he did, smiling as he felt Gavin wrapped around him. The water was even warmer under the surface, and he felt like he could just drift away in that moment. Then Gavin kissed him.

Not breathing underwater was hard enough, but not breathing when someone else had their lips against yours was quite the challenge. He shot up right away, pushing Gavin away in the process so he could cough up the water that he had snorted in. Gavin looked upset, pushing his hair back out of his face.

“I’m sorry, I thought you- I thought you would-“ he stuttered, clearly not exactly sure what he wanted to say. Geoff didn’t know what to think. Gavin had just kissed him. It was something that he had never expected to happen to him. To be kissed. By someone as handsome as Gavin. His thoughts were going a mile an hour but he decided without delay he didn’t give a shit.

So he stepped forward and pulled Gavin right up into a kiss again, smashing their faces together. Gavin seemed shocked at first but then wrapped his legs around Geoff’s waist and wrapped his arms around his neck, causing him to fall back against one of the pool walls.

It wasn’t very long until Gavin’s trunks were floating in the water near them.

IV

Geoff’s life changed after that evening spent in the pool. He didn’t really know exactly what to call himself and Gavin- if they were a couple, or if they were friends with benefits, or what. He did know that he and Gavin spent as much time together as possible after it. From walking to class to studying, to going to sporting events or Geoff sitting through student council meetings so he could rub Gavin’s thigh through it all.

He did so much more. It was almost exhausting at first, following Gavin’s crazy busy schedule. They went to rugby, then to the school news room, then to some sort of game, then to Gavin’s house to do homework, then he’d go to work, get home late and get as much sleep as he could before he’d wake up to a good morning text from Gavin and start all over again.

Gavin’s friends even became a part of his life. He knew most of them from past encounters, like Michael Jones. Jack was so glad Geoff was willing to hang out with him and go on double dates with them. Michael was a nice kid, was captain of the rugby team and quarterback for the football team. A very sporty kid with not a lot of smarts, Gavin and Jack always had to help him with his work. The four of them ended up spending a lot of time together.

There was Ryan Haywood as well. He was the class president of Geoff’s class, a very outstanding guy. One of the smartest people Geoff knew, he could solve a crazy math problem in seconds. He was also president of the drama club and the lead in the play, which Gavin and Geoff had stayed after school several times to help set the stage and help Ryan rehearse.

Ryan had a thing with this kid Ray Narvaez Jr., who was something. He was on the golf team and seemed startlingly good at it for someone of his size, but honestly Geoff saw him more in the video game club room then he ever saw him holding a golf club. ‘Natural talent,’ Ryan called it, with one arm slung around Ray’s shoulders. Ray had shrugged.

Finally, there was Jeremy Dooley, who was either writing a book or showing off his gymnastics. He was the youngest of all of them, only a freshman, but Gavin had taken him under his wing. Geoff had never known such dynamic people in his life, and with an already crazy schedule, it was almost all too much to handle. Sometimes he wished he could just lay in the back of his truck with Gavin, away from schedules, away from friends, and just talk to him.

Talking was something they needed. He still didn’t know what they were, even after nearly five months of being together. It was spring now and it only made Gavin’s life busier, and that only gave them less time to just talk and be together. It was starting to wear on Geoff, and though he tried to ignore the feeling, everything about their relationship felt rushed. It felt like a jumbled mess that somehow just barely fell into place. The edges needed smoothed out.

Then he started to hear people talking.

He had grown thick skin over his years of just not caring, but Gavin had softened him up. Opened him up to the people around him. This was good and bad. The good felt wonderful, as he felt like he finally had friends and had a life. The bad was his breaking point.

“Can you believe that Gavin Free is still hanging around that loser Ramsey?”

“I know! It doesn’t make sense. Ramsey is just some has-been waiting to happen. He’s not anything special, plus he’s fat.”

“Gavin’s probably just pity dating the freak. He has such a heart, probably was afraid the loser would off himself if he didn’t have any sex.”

Geoff sat silently as he listened to the two-unknown people gossip right outside of the stall he was hiding in. It was seventh period, and Gavin wasn’t in school today, so Geoff had come back to his old sanctuary to relax. That was a mistake.

Was Gavin really just pity dating him? He felt sick to the stomach as he thought about the possibility. Everything being so rushed would make sense. Not to mention, Gavin probably liked having Geoff around for the sex. Geoff did buy him things, with the money he had saved up. He liked to see Gavin happy. He loved to see Gavin happy. As pathetic as it made him feel, he would rather have Gavin pity date him then have never had him at all.

The more he thought about the words he heard the worse he felt. Was he really fat? Did people think he was fat? Did Gavin think he was fat? If he looked back on it, Gavin had never asked Geoff to get naked for him. He always would look away when Geoff changed, from that first day in the bathroom up until now. When Gavin poked fun at him, he’d call him ‘big boy.’ Geoff had never associated the term with really meaning anything up until this point.

He ran a shaky hand through his hair, his stomach feeling absolutely disgusting. Thank god Gavin hadn’t been around today to see what he had at lunch, he’d eaten everything and then had ice cream afterwards. Holy shit, he was fat. He really was. The realization hit him like a brick and he leaned over the toilet and just let everything out.

 V

Gavin was worried about Geoff. Something had seemed off about him in the past few weeks, and he couldn’t really place his finger on it. Geoff was paler, he was less talkative, that was for sure. But that wasn’t the problem. There was something making Geoff like that, making him so distant and odd. Gavin just couldn’t figure it out.

He didn’t like to see his boyfriend so upset. Geoff was everything to him. He’d harbored a crush on the older teenager since the week he moved to the school. Seeing the cool, uncaring look brushed on Geoff’s face as everyone else seemed to care so much- almost too much- gave Geoff some sort of higher standing in Gavin’s eyes. As they got older Geoff only got more attractive, and more cool, and Gavin wanted him more and more.

He had been too afraid at first, to do anything about his feelings. He made the choice to take action that day he saw Geoff go into the bathroom, and though his goal had been to get Geoff’s number that day, he still managed to achieve his goal within three simple meetings. It had been such a relief when Geoff had kissed him that day in the pool that he almost cried. Everything felt so much more fun with Geoff at his side.

Five months together felt so good that Gavin couldn’t even imagine what the future could bring. Geoff felt like his soulmate. So seeing him so… different, so odd, made Gavin worry. Worry a lot. He wanted Geoff happy, he wanted the two of them to be good. So, he suggested a date.

“Hey Geoff, you want to go to the movies tonight? I don’t have anything on my schedule!” He smiled, leaning right against the locker next to Geoff’s as his boyfriend picked through books.

“Sure, if that’s what you want.” Geoff gave him a small smile in return as he closed the locker door and slung his backpack over his shoulder. Gavin smiled and took his hand, hoping that they’d get to spend the rest of the day together.

Geoff pulled away though.

“I’ll pick you up in, like, an hour.” He glanced at his watch, then back at Gavin, “I’ve got something to do at home. Will you be okay getting home?”

“…I suppose.” Gavin pouted, a bit upset that whatever Geoff was doing he couldn’t tag along. Geoff smiled at him and then left without even a kiss goodbye.

“Whoa, what’s up with him? He’s normally falling at your feet to spend a free afternoon with you.” Ryan asked, looking at Gavin with raised brows. Gavin crossed his arms, pretty upset with Geoff for deciding to go on and leave him like this. He wasn’t going to let it stand.

VI

Gavin was not prepared to see what he saw when he arrived at Geoff’s apartment. He knew Geoff lived alone, he knew he had a tiny apartment. He had spent many nights curled up on the tiny bed in the two-room apartment, asleep up in Geoff’s warm arms. He hadn’t been to the apartment for about three weeks though, as the start of spring was always a busy time for him.

He had made up his mind and decided to pass on the movies and just surprise Geoff at his apartment. He bought some cheesy old flick that they had been wanting to watch, stole a bottle of rum from his father, and went to the store to get some of Geoff’s favorite foods: frozen strawberries, shrimp, an assortment of junk foods, and a fresh batch of chicken and barbeque. He’d also bought some whipped crème, just for the fun of things.

He wanted Geoff to have a good, relaxing night. He was worried that since he’d made Geoff stop smoking that stress had really been affecting him. He wanted to help that, or help against whatever had been bothering Geoff these last few weeks.

He had a key, Geoff had given him one around their third month together. It was nice to have, just in case he wanted to get away from his parents for a night or come to Geoff’s after something instead of going the whole way back home. He tried to be quiet as he entered, as he wanted to set up the kitchen table nicely. He’d seen Geoff go back to the bedroom and snuck right in, a big grin on his face.

He started to pull stuff out of the bags he brought, and then went to the fridge to get himself some other sort of sauce and maybe a different drink from the rum. He opened the fridge and found it completely empty.

“What in the…” he knew Geoff had money for food- he still worked insane hours even though Gavin had been trying to get him to slow down. He frowned and opened one of the cabinets and found it empty as well.

He closed the door and rubbed the back of his neck, worried maybe Geoff had been robbed. Maybe that was what he had to deal with? Yet, when he turned to the living room area he found Geoff’s television and game station was still there and still looked just fine. He pressed his brows together in thought, trying to put everything together.

Then he heard retching from the bathroom. He didn’t move for a moment as the gears in his brain started to piece together exactly what was going on. Geoff didn’t have any food in his house for a reason. He only had been picking at his food at lunch for a reason. He was in the bathroom throwing up right now for a very serious reason.

“Geoff, I’m here!” he called then, trying to keep his voice from cracking, “I decided we should just stay in tonight, love. Are you feeling all right?” He didn’t know what to do about this, but for now he wanted Geoff out of that bathroom.

There was a long moment of silence, and then he heard the toilet flush and the sink run. Geoff was brushing his teeth. He called something threw a paste-filled mouth that Gavin didn’t make out. He just waited.

Geoff came out once he was done with his teeth, and Gavin realized then just how different he looked. His face was smaller, his cheeks almost looking caved in. His waist didn’t look right, looked too small. His bit of stomach that Gavin had loved was smaller than before, and it just didn’t look right. It didn’t look like Geoff. He’d looked right past it all up until now.

He couldn’t help but cry then, even though he had told himself he was going to be strong, he couldn’t help it. He wanted Geoff to be happy, he didn’t want him to be hurting himself like this. He didn’t even know what the problem was but he knew it must have been something that was from him, because Geoff had been just fine until they started dating.

Geoff looked shocked at Gavin’s tears and stepped forward, a genuine concern in his eyes that only made Gavin cry harder. He threw his arms right around Geoff and clung to him, trying to just hold him as tightly as he could and never let go.

“Geoff Ramsey, what in the world are you doing to yourself?” he choked out, reaching up to touch Geoff’s cheek. Geoff looked at him with confused eyes, but they turned to shameful ones in almost a second.

“Listen, I just need to get- so that people will think we’re a better couple.” Geoff sputtered out, and Gavin shook his head around just as fast as he could.

“No, I don’t care about what anyone thinks about us. I care about you. You’re my boyfriend, you’re what matters, not anyone else. Not Jack, not Michael, not anyone in that place matters to me as much as you.” Gavin took a deep breath in and held Geoff’s face in both of his hands, making sure their eyes were locked on each other.

Geoff didn’t seem to know how to reply- Gavin had just smashed away two of his biggest concerns all at once and it was a little much for him to swallow all at once. He stared down at the younger man and then let his own tears start to fall, until his knees gave way and he collapsed right at Gavin’s feet.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Gavin, I’m sorry. I just want to be good enough for you.” He choked out, his whole body starting to shake. Gavin got down with him and held him close, gently resting his head on top of Geoff’s and holding him through the sobs that were wracking his whole body.

“You are good enough for me. I don’t want you to change at all. Not physically, not mentally, not anything. I want you to be you, Geoff, because you’re mine.” He whispered, brushing his hand as gently as he possibly could down Geoff’s back. They just stayed like that for a long while, Geoff sobbing into his chest until he finally seemed to calm down, opening his eyes up and leaning back.

“So, does this mean I can still smoke?” he joked, and Gavin lightly slapped his arm. Geoff laughed, a shaky, broken laugh that made Gavin’s heart hurt. Things were going to be different after this, he’d make sure of it.

VII

There was something incredibly calming about laying in the back of Geoff’s truck. Gavin couldn’t put his finger right on it, but it felt so surreal, so soothing. Geoff’s head was resting in his lap, his eyes closed and small breaths escaping his lips as he started to drift to sleep. Gavin could be watching the stars, but right now he didn’t want to take his eyes off Geoff.

“I love you.” He said, for the first time. Geoff’s eyes opened slowly and he looked up at Gavin with a slightly shocked expression. Gavin smiled down at him, brushing his fingers over Geoff’s red stained lips. An empty bin of strawberries sat not far from them, and he’d made sure Geoff had eaten every last one.

“I love you too, Gavin.” Geoff replied, pulling his hand up to take Gavin’s so that he could kiss Gavin’s hand. Things were good. Things were how they both always imagined they could be. They were both happy.

#geovin #geoff/gavin #plan g #tw: eating disorder #tw: sucide mention #tw: bulimia #high school au #i have so much for this au lol #thanks for the request! #:) <3

[original-violence]

It took me 2 days to do this. Christ.

RUDE.

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. History’s Stranglers - The Bronx Sun/Rise/Light/Flies - Kasabian Promenade - Street Sweeper Social Club Fistful of Steel - Rage Against The Machine WW III - KMFDM Que No Te Hagas Bobo Jacobo - Molotov

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Probably flea or Anthony Kiedis

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. ‘As a creative thinker I think he’s brilliant and i feel very lucky to have got to meet him’

4) What do you think about most? Work/My anxiety/Food.. probably just a general mix of those things.

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Dont fink so. Unless stuff i has written about myself counts.

6) Do you have any strange phobias? Not anything strange, just like.. spiders n stuff.

7) What's your religion? Agnostic i guess.

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Going to/from work or to/from getting food somewhere. I have an exciting life.

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Red Hot Chili Peppers, always.

10) What was the last lie you told? ‘Nah im good’ (someone at work who is bad at making tea offered to make me a tea, i was appreciative but they’re real bad.)

11) Do you believe in karma? I mean, it would be nice for such a ‘force’ like that to exist, but it really doesn’t and it’s a shame.

12) What does your URL mean? It’s a lyric from a Slipknot song.

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Weakness: Probably my anxiety, it makes me unreasonably stressed at most times in my life and it makes everything very difficult. My strength is probably my desire to prove myself to literally everyone around me, it makes me work really really hard at everything i do.

14) Who is your celebrity crush? Hmmmmm Alison Brie at the moment.

15) How do you vent your anger? I don’t really get angry to be honest, when i do i just keep it at a level that i can deal with inside before acting on it.

16) Do you have a collection of anything? Mmmmmmmmnope, i have more than 100 video games, i guess that counts as a collection.

17) Are you happy with the person you've become? I will be. Im slowly getting there, there are just a couple more things left to sort out.

18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? I hate most sounds that wake me up. Aaaand i love the sound of rain when against windows/umbrellas

19) What's your biggest "what if"? What if i would have stuck it out when i was at school? Would i have gotten any good grades? Would i have gone to uni? Would i have just become more overwhelmed than i was and have gone through with a suicide attempt like i was planning? (that got deep, sozza)

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Mmmmmm, lets go with.... No and Yes.

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Right arm, my computer and left arm, my mic stand.

22) Smell the air. What do you smell? Paella, i didn’t finish my dinner.

23) What's the worst place you have ever been to? Uhh, Nothing really springs to mind to be honest. There are places that would make me have anxiety but that doesnt make them bad places.

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? Literally no one is coming to mind. Sorry, im way too tired to be doing this haha. --AT THIS POINT I STARTED FALLING ASLEEP AND WENT TO BED, THE REST OF THIS WAS WRITTEN TODAY--

25) To you, what is the meaning of life? I think at some point in life, everyone at some single point (maybe multiple points) saves another life. Whether it be ER nurses or just having a meaningful conversation with someone and changing their outlook, i think the meaning of live is to help and support other lives.

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I do not.

27) What was the last movie you saw? Uhhhh American Ultra.

28) What's the worst injury you've ever had? Man i dont know, ive broken my nose and most of my fingers and toes but thats about as worse as i have had it.

29) Do you have any obsessions right now? I’ve started playing rocket league again and its the only game i have played for 3 days.

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Not that i know of! 

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Yeahhhh, 100% yes, sometimes it’s important and those people deserve it man.

32) What is your astrological sign? Capricorn

33) What's the last thing you purchased? I bought some new glasses today. Im really hoping they arrive by the end of the week, otherwise im gonna get headaches all the damn time.

34) Love or lust? Obviously contextually dependent, but love is pretty damn cool.

35) In a relationship? N’aw

36) How many relationships have you had? Obviously some have been more serious than others but like... around 8 or so i guess

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? I mean, in a general sense, i like making people laugh, if someone likes me because of that, that’s their own damn problem.

38) Where is your best friend? Probably at home i would imagine.

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? I want to say sleeping but i was probably watching youtube videos.

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Probably not, but that’s  just because i hate myself..

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Fuck my job, i couldn’t let a dog die. Also ‘ if you are late one more time’ I am NEVER late for work.

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? Shit, one month?! I would tell all my friends and family, i would tell people how i really feel about them (literally tell so many people how much they mean to me) and hell yeah i would be afraid. ‘One month’ is pretty vague, months have different lengths!

43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Get up and jump - red hot chili peppers

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Love, trust, loyalty and happiness.

45) How can I win your heart? Make me laugh. I fucking love laughing.

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity? ‘Insanity’ is a VERY loose term. It’s difficult to answer that.

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? “ becoming friends w/ me HOLLAAAAAAA “ - @ufo-squad 

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Something simple but nice i guess. OR something really dumb like ‘If you’re reading this, stop standing on me’

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart." Emotion, working hard, giving something everything you can.

50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? Anything similar to ‘1DF7D2′

51) What is your current desktop picture? I have a cycle of around 50 different backgrounds, despite the fact that i never really look at them.

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Hmm, I don’t think i would want anyone to just explode, that would suck.

53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? God, probably something about my emotions or the way i feel about people.

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Shapeshifting would be awesome.

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Hmmm, probably a really good gig that i had with my old bandmates, i really miss playing live music, so maybe one of the times we played at Jersey Live, they where fun.

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Nahhh, fuck that, im a firm believer that everything happens for a reason in life so i woudn’t want to.

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I am legit not interested in just sleeping with random people that i don’t know, the idea of it is awful to me.

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Australia, maybe L.A.

59) Ever been on a plane? I have.

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities. Uhhhhhhhhh okay. Alison Brie Lauren Cohan Daisy Ridley Tom Hardy Kristen Stewart.

[mattyslittleworld]

East Keansburg

P: Rob Sellig 

2:48 am / Thursday morning. Im listening to this new Tsu Surf & Mozzy project, thinking about this kid I grew up around. Ive been reading he passed away, which is such a shame. We grew up playing basketball together at St. Catherines in EK, middle school, high school, alternative high schools, programs together. Troubled youth. I have this specific memory of him from years ago. I believe I wrote about it in my last blog post, about watching somebody get curb stomped. I was a lost kid, me and my friends aimless, drifting from group to group. Ended up spending a lot of late nights in EK wandering the streets. This night specifically, there were about 7 of us. A homie of mine was interested in writing graffiti, and this was before music, so graffiti was basically my identity. So we met up at his house, where my friend had a group of heads over, and they were partying, selling, and just going off. He lived with his parents, which speaks volumes, because at this time in my life, everyones parents gave up...nobody gave a fuck, except mine, but they couldn't control me. One thing leads to another, my boy wanted to go bombing. So we leave his house with our paint, and just take the streets, 5 reckless kids fallowing us on skateboards and bikes. Wasted, loud, rowdy, reckless, but as an outsider, I found a silver lining in their terror....it was a middle finger to the society that never gave them a chance. It was a brotherhood. This specific kid, at this point, was in and out of county, witnessed him fighting over and over in school, and in the streets since day 1. We were walking tall through the backroads in EK....they were spray painting cars...houses...anything. No fucks given. Wasted...they were breaking windows...kicking dents in BMW’s. Playing music off the phone...they were all they got. Another group of kids ended up on the same block....and they went off. A fight broke out....and I have this specific memory of boy ripping his shirt off, passionate, raging with anger, to protect his brotherhood, his street crew, his family. Being around him since I was a little kid, school, ball, mutual friends....I never got to know him deeper than this...but I would always see him and just salute his pride, and his will to stand on his actions, and his will to fucking fight for who and what he loves. Rest In Power fam. A lot of homies reading this from EK who follow my music...yall know who I am talking about. I never got to know this man - but I salute him for how much of HIM HE REALLY WAS. I remember in 2006, I was a freshman in high school, and my cousin ended up in a fight with a senior over a friend who passed away. My cousin was intoxicated during this time, in school, and I ended up beating the dog shit out of this senior as a young kid. These EK boys were the only ones who showed love, who stood tall behind me, making sure I was good, safe, and assuring me I was doing the right thing. Cant let your family go down like that. Rest In Peace man.

Last year, days before Tsu Surfs album Seven 25 dropped, he doubled back and we hit the studio and recorded a song called “Make You Proud”. He dropped the album very shortly after and it went #2 on iTunes in under 24 hours, and I was sure I wasn't going to see that man ever again. A year later, here we are...a day before he drops this joint project with Mozzy...that debuted at #5 on itunes, were dapping up at a film set in Queens, NY to film the music video. A YEAR LATER, this man gave a fuck enough to pull up and bless my career with this video. That meant a lot to me. I specifically remember feeling alone, hopeless, in some of the darkest moments of my life. Just listening to his tape over and over and over....running laps at the track at Mader Dei Highschool. It gave me hope, it motivated me to get over the feelings that were weighing me down. My life was changing, and this eased the pain. Nobody likes the motions of change if it includes losing people you love....losing the ability to do things you love...and going places you love. You have to find new health, new wealth, and new routines. My new found routine was coffee in the morning...spending an hour studying the industry...listening to my podcasts...then immediately running laps listening to his tape. Anything after that was subjective. Nowadays its basketball instead of running laps....but it gave me health. Mentally and physically. I could collect my thoughts. I could hear real stories....being gunned down 5 times and bouncing back...then charting. Here we are. On set....once again with Rob...my brother on the directing tip. My new lovely friend Victoria, who's a beautiful, ambitious, ride or die artist of her own. Robs pops. Mike Oliva, who is a SAVAGE photographer and film maker himself. It was a trip. Over the past year, kids at bars, hardcore shows, normals, civilians, people from all over and the world have been DMing me about simply just a teaser and a photograph of me and Surf in a studio. With Albee Al, Casanova, Cage - its all a specific group of people. Mainly mainstream music consumers...radio listeners...people who are tapped into Instagram and culture. But with Surf - Ive had the pleasure of speaking to people from all walks of life. Old hardcore friends telling me how much his movement has touched their lives...so wild. I was late to his wave...Belv actually told me to tap in and do it, and that's my brother so I made sure I did for the team. We drank hot chocolate and coffee, listened to our favorite music so loud, have such great conversations, got amazing footage that im so proud of, and just overall killed the mission. Nothing makes me more happy. This was a moment for me....because for the first time...im not in silly poppy clothes...im myself...im spitting bars on it...I feel and look like the person who was painting freights in 2007. And that is very important to me. Sometimes you can get swallowed by the wave youre riding...and I am guilty of that. It influenced so much of me...and recently I said look...fuck all this. Fuck everything except for whatever inside me still lingering before back and forth. Because if those passions, those tendencies, those people, are still here and within me...theyve been growing all this time, strong, sticking by me, and that's me. Shitty hoodie. Airmaxes or vans, shitty hat, stupid hair, cutty as fuck, smiling. dirty skateboard kid just trying be great man. I miss my old Mercer Ave skate crew. Its been years. 

Im starting to go through a new awakening where im witnessing the ones around me unfold in such a distasteful manner. Its pretty crazy to spend time with people, face to face, and have dinner, coffee, laughing with each other one on one....and in my head at the same time think...this mother fucker dead ass hates me. Wants to kill me. Wants me to fail. Fucks heavy with EVERYONE who has done wrong to me. Has talked shit behind my back. Has stabbed me in the back. And they are such fucking clowns....they don't know that I know...and they don't even comprehend that im being a bigger person and not addressing shit below me, because I don't have room for shit like that in my life. This is the time where people fuck with you one foot in, for opportunity, to hit a lick, to keep the link, to get to the people you fuck with. It is literally so easy to show love...and yet people close to you just won't. Its an interesting concept. I am fortunate in the sense that I am self made, self built, and already a black sheep. If everybody in my life turned their backs, it wouldn't touch my career. So therefore, I don't have this fuckery nature in my behavior. I don't fuck with you, I don't fuck with you. Thats it. Im learning you cannot trust people who fuck with you one foot in....because that means they're prepared to step away at any moment when you're down. They don't got your back. They are around people who drag your name through the mud, and they allow it. AT BEST...since they have one foot in....theyll tap in and say such and such said this....but why didn't you defend me? Why were they okay with these actions with you? Because your friend has their other foot with the opps. Fuck these types of people. Forever. Ive been seeing people put up with this behavior, and I figured id speak on it, because its been on my mind. You don't have to get treated like shit to fit in. Truth is, your friends are probably wack. Your friends probably hate you. Your friends don't want you to do better than them. And no, it doesn't matter how long you've known them. Most relationships stem and grow out of convenience, and lack of change, lack of ambition, lack of dreams and goals. I always thought, its actually very easy to be a good friend when they need you...in moments of tragedy and misery. Because that doesn't shake your foundation, and make you realize you aint shit. It doesn't challenge your framework. Its harder for most people to be a good friend when their friend is celebrating success, because the human nature is to compare, and sometimes that can be a mirror reflection of how you AINT SHIT. Recognize these people and cut this cancer out of your system. Or if you are this person, we all have been at one point, cone to terms with how wack you are and be a good person lmao. I want to see my plumbing friend look me in the eyes and go “im the best plumber in this area and im gunna kill this job and make a living for my family and buy a BMW”, just like I want to see my graphic designer friends believe after their hard work that they're qualified OVER SOMEONE ELSE for their job, to make a great living. Just like I want to see a musician, or rapper, talk his shit and believe in themselves, go platinum, and make a great living and buy a Range. Being around greatness inspires me, never scares me. I love being at the bottom, it amps me up. It gets me going. It gets me off. I love the fight, the grind, the game. Whether its music, or washing windows in the freezing dead of winter for commission to pay for fucking studio time to be where I am right the fuck now boiiiiiii. 

Me and Belv have some crazy shit coming. That is all. Okay bye.