#ive already done 2 exams so it cant be that bad right

[effervescentleaf]

they never should've told me about laziness

#its my own future im jeopardising #but like this is not the attitude of someone who wants over 400 points in the leaving cert #dont feel like you have to read the tags i just need to rant and tumblr has no recipients #ive spent the last 2 days watching glee scenes #and the last at least month slacking off and not doing shit in school #ive already done 2 exams so it cant be that bad right #(the easiest subjects) #like i cannot remember the last time i wrote anything in french #engineering? i copied some marking scheme answers into a copy and cheated on the mocks... #maybe i shouldnt say that #but at peast my parents think ive been studying all day so that a plus #i cleaned my desk so ill be able to do something tomorrow hopefully #im glad theyre all in the first week but that also means i have to study for everything At Once #which is terrifying #anyways #leafposts #i promise its not as bad as im making it out to be i am autistic after all

[berryunho]

LOL sorry omg i really died. like am still dying. i spent all day yesterday crying over my coursework and shit but i talked to that guy and he really knocked some sense into me and told me to not be so hard on myself... so now im crying internally and not externally 😭

ive been thinking about it now and i think i might switch majors for the sake of my sanity bc real talk the amount of work is insane and i cant properly function it's crazy out here idk how people do this... i was thinking maybe health sci since i already have most of the credits for the degree and ive always wanted to be involved in the healthcare field... im gonna see my academic advisor on monday and see what they say because holy guacamole i want to be able to enjoy school w/o crying every time i think about it

omg that got long but those have been my thoughts for the past few days BUT ANYWAY that's so good!!!! im so happy for you big brain energy we love to see it!! ive got a biochem midterm this week (which is the cause of my mental breakdowns BUT KLSJFRG) and ochem is in 2 weeks but as i said might change majors and ochem is not necessary... so i'll prob drop it haha

the last season was so good. i found it a bit slow in the beginning but once it picks up it's going like i could not stop watching it!! i havent watched bcs but i heard it gets better near the end again?? ive watched el camino tho

that's how i felt abt crocheting at first like im the type of person to try something for a little bit and then give up right after but honestly!!! it's so fun because you can make all kinds of different things like clothing, bags, accessories and it's so fun!! i've been picking up knitting too and i've made some socks and i'm working on a sweater rn

WOIEFJWE that man is so wonderful like i feel like he really understands me and !!!!!!!!!!! i feel like he really balances out the "negative" parts/thoughts of me and is so reassuring IM WHIPPED LOL

omg yes i had a bad cold too like a week ago (no covid as well) and i think i might be good now knock on wood!! what a slay im glad your classes are going so well for you! i dont follow hockey (gasp) but i can see the thrill of it!! hopefully they can win the next game!

highly enjoyed the break. have a great weekend too!! <3

-mightychondria

no no no worries lol i totally get being busy and everything <33

but omg :[[ im sorry that school has been so overwhelming and stressful for you aaaaa yeah if its at the point where you're upset everyday and completely overwhelmed and don't like school then i definitely agree w changing your major.... you don't want the rest of your life to be like this lol health science would be interesting for sure !! there are so many ways to be involved in health care and the health system without being a doctor/nurse/etc so im sure you'll be able to find something that works !!

?!*%*$???($*@)? you're taking ochem AND biochem at the same time ?!!?($*@)@ i understand the breakdowns wtf id lose it fr but lol fingers crossed changing your major works out so that you don't have to take that ochem exam

fr i definitely understand why breaking bad is considered like one of the best shows of all time ... the writing was so good and the story was so compelling and even when it got to the point where you were like 'wtf thats sick and messed up' you couldnt stop watching bc you were in so deep lol but !! ive yet to watch el camino ... hmmm

oooo man thats so cool !! you're so right like i always see crochet tutorials on tiktok for like the most random things ever and you can make like. anything. its amazing. hehe maybe ill try it out once i have more free time :]

YAAAYYY FOR THE MAN!! im glad that he's good for you :] its very nice that he's sticking w you through all of your stress and helping you out!! hehe have yall gone on any fun dates or are you just ~talking~ ?

tis the time of year for colds lol this one i think is just about done ... my cough is significantly better today but i can't decide if its actually better or if its just bc i havent been talking today .... lol ig ill see tomorrow! KFLJDSKFJ [gasp] a canadian that doesn't follow hockey ... an incredible find ... hehehe im joking but yes fr hockey is so crazy compared to other sports like even though its kinda like soccer its still so different and sooooo entertaining to me lol ty for the support for my team they definitely need it [muffled through fake coughing] they're bad [more fake coughing]

yay! i hope this week of classes goes better! tyyyy <3 <3 <3

#mightychondria anon #answered

[tylerwritez]

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay  which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪  like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone  talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

[limelocked]

Naruto OCS???? Do tell us about them

oh now youve got me started!

i made a post about their history (very general) in this post so ill talk more about their personalities and things that stand out about them cuz i love them

so the tldr is that they’re an off shoot of the uchiha clan from the first great ninja war when yokumo fucked straight off from konoha due to 75% paranoia that turned to 99% paranoia when he left but cant go back now! hed be a rogue nin! so he settles down in the land of grass with Asaro the most best girl character ive ever made. She’s a tailor/seamstress/weaver in this tiny village and she just radiates chill, shes been your mom friend since grade 2 and will continue to be your mom friend until death

yokumo is Stressed and Strict because my dude has the sharingan so when they have three kids (not at the same time hot damn) he decides like any good parent to just refuse to let them use their eye powers at all (note: this is probably not a good parenting tecnique)

tenjo is the oldest daughter and she idolizes her dad so fucking much dude and shes fighty, boy pulls her hair and gets an ass whopping , shes the queen of the village kids but with different leading skills than her mom. she legit saw yokumo use jutsu ONCE and went “oh hell yeah time to be ninja”

yokumo said no

jiyuro is the middle kid and he just vibes dude, hes a normal easy going kid that reaps the reward of being the sibling of the queen of kids, hes also the kind of bastard that can and will use his sharingan to cheat in exams, something he can only pull of thanks to the babiest brother 30 under 30 ninja luminary chiban who cant use the sharingan but damn is that boy neck deep in genjutsu training

chiban put like all his dnd leveling towards genjutsu and some taijutsu so he wouldnt mcfucking die in the middle of a fight in the event that his genjutsu fails. his illusions are amazing tho and real specialised, he can make you believe that those eyes? those red eyes with weird dots in em? yeah totally normal, you didnt see shit. the same with cuts and bruises, dude specialices in detailed genjutsu instead of haha you got caught in a plant or some of the other ridiculus shit naruto characters do

now tenjo gets married not once, not thrice but two times, first time to your local imported bitch boy hatsunaio ha’ame whos playing the longest con in existance aka he “falls in love” with tenjo and gets married, has a kid, all so he can confirm that the clan has the sharingan to report back to konoha cuz that aint right, sharingan outside of konoha and even more sharingan outside a hidden village

fear not tought! imported asshoe gets killed by tenjo with the sweet loot of the mangekyou sharingan and Trauma!

her second marrage is 4-5 years later with drinker of respecting woman juice Tsumashin Aishika who had been a family friend since a bit after ha’ame got what was coming to him. Aishika is super patient and just Kind Man, if only he was stupid and buff he would be a himbo but he’s average and kinda smart so Good Dad will have to do. He likes to read and is a wood worker.

Tenjos kids are a fucking story too, btw hope you wanted a long long post cuz youve really gotten me started now

Renge, the kid she had with Ha’ame, is the oldest and she doesnt remember her dad at all, shes been called a clone of her mom with the fightyness and the “wow cool! need to learn that!” reaction to jutsu. Shes impulsive if shes on her own and the worlds biggest glass canon in a fight because she has trash chakra stores and the impatience to skip on learning to distrobute it properly, she also has the vibration style kekkei genkai (lightning + wind) which just eats up her chakra 

first kid with Aishika is Hotoki whos like her mom but EXTREME, shes the naruto of the kadzuki fam, impatient, a brat and ready to throw down instantly, shes stubborn as fuck and she wants to be the Tsukikage, a position that doesnt exist for a village that doesnt exist in a land that already has a hidden village. her family is supportive tho

last kid is Makuto whos one of only three kids in this clan thats youngler than naruto. his life starts of great by killing his mom with complications during birth giving him absolutly no problems down the road, nope, haha. Hes pretty reserved and likes his grandmas craft better than his grand dads so he takes up tailoring and later pottery, hes a fast learner 100% because of the sharingan

then we have jiyuros wife Pantama Hoshi, shes friend shaped and radiates chill like asaro. they met while team one (aka tenjo, jiyuro and chiban) was out at another town for a mission. shes a gardener and grows medicinal herbs along with real good flowers. theyre by far the most calm parents in the family and basically became foster parents for Tenjos kids once she died so yes, they have two dads. Hoshi can and will support you in anything thats not plain out stupid

Jiyuros first kid is Nishi whos good and cautious, shes the single kid in the budding team 2 that thinks things through properly before doing something, but too much, shes a pesemist, and probably has anxiety, on the upside all of the plans shes involved with goes without a hitch because she provides endless “what if bad thing happens” scenarios, in the downside plans take so much longer because of said what ifs, she specialises in sealing and summoning but really really wants to be a medical ninja because you see what if someone gets hirt! what if renge becomes dumb bitch during a mission and gets hurt because shes a glass canon

the second kid is Takuhi whos the mediating voice of reason that pushes Renge to listen to what ifs and makes Nishi remember that sometimes improv is whats needed during a mission, hes on the cautious until proover otherwise side. He hangs out with Yokumo a lot and is slowly inhereting his paranoia and or world waryness

TIME FOR MY FAVE BRANCH

Chibans family is amazing because i love them, his wife Yamatora Seiho, usually called by her last name, is an ex shinobi from the land of grass (she freaked Tenjo out a bunch after the Ha’ame bullshit went down) thats just so fucking done with the kage and government so she went to do that good good farming cottage core life but shes really not suited for it. shes ready to throw the fuck down at any time but shes also kind to her kids and real serious

she also had a previous marrage that ended in good ol murder (not her killing her husband for once in this clans history) but basically she took her at the time 5 y/o son Usagi with her and Chiban said fuck it join the family instantly

Usagi feels so fucking left out tho cuz he wants to be included in the playing the other kids do but he cant manage to care about that whole ninja thing plus he doesnt have eye powers and just why bother, so instead he goes to Asaro and asks her to be his teacher, he also becomes a barber in the town because my god did Jiyuro really just almost cut his sons ear off???

THEN THE TWINS!!

Hikame and Yorukoi are twin girls and the other two that’re younger than naruto in the clan, theyre 9 when hes 12. They spend their time usually together or with Hotoki and Makoto since Usagi is 13 years older than them and Renge, Nishi and Takuhi are team 2 on missions a lot. Yorukoi really loves animals and looks up to Nishi because holy shit mom she can summon animals with only a lil blood holy fuck meanwhile Hikame likes art and drawing the aimals Yurokoi comes sprinting home to tell everyone she found

The twins and Hotoki will make up Team 3 just as soon as Yokumo lets them because oops a few years ago the whole konoha branch of the uchiha got fucking annihilated and we might be next.com 

#long as fuck post #kadzuki clan #god i love the fam so much #all of them are so dumb #the twins become friends with Zeiten and yknow thats the real reason Kyorinrin gets convinced to stay and teach Nishi medical ninjutsu #naruto ocs #naruto oc

[tfw-no-tennis]

hunter x hunter thotz so far

soooo ruth and i started watching hunter x hunter woohoo finally! we’re like 10 or so eps in so i decided to collect some thots below on what i think so far (i havent rlly been spoiled so im interested to look back on this once ive watched more)

first off i love gon sm, hes immediately so endearing...hes just a baby!!!! just a little baby boy!!!! hes just so cute and good, im so not ready for him to get put thru the wringer later on as ive vaguely heard happens

the first few episodes were really fast paced which i enjoyed and thought was for the best. the characters came thru really strongly and i feel like we heard juuuust enough about the setting, premise, and what a hunter is 

i wasnt expecting leorio and kurapika to show up in the FIRST EP lmao that surprised me. i love so much how the three of them like IMMEDIATELY became a family unit in like 3 eps lmaoooo it was like ok here are 2 parents and their son bam. also leorio and kurapika having a showdown on the boat (which didnt end up happening) was a wild ride 

i have like zero fucking idea what a hunter is and the more they attempt to explain the more confused i get. its honestly kind of hilarious how little sense it makes. to be clear this doesnt detract from my enjoyment of the show at all (if anything it adds to it)

oh my god fuckgin hisoka is the worst he hasnt done much but i hate him so much already. good villain writing/design so far, hes so hateable

ruth every time hisoka shows up: WE HATE UR PUSSY BIIIITCH 

the character design in this show is....a lot lmao. ruth and i decided its a cross between soul eater, jojo, and one piece in terms of aesthetic. the designs are certainly unique and so many of them are just so ugly hvbjafdbdskgs it reminds me of that post thats like ‘masterpost of jojo characters who look busted as shit’ lmao

i already love this show a lot tbh like the way its structured so far has been kinda atypical for a shounen, at least in terms of fights - we really havent seen a lot of fighting yet. also nen hasnt shown up yet and its reminding me of stands not becoming a thing in jojo until p3 lmao 

anyways in litrally ep1 i already loved the 3 main characters we saw...leorio is a wild dude, i love him sm, especially as a fellow medical binch who wants MONEY. like, thats literally me. and kurapika is also wild, like damn they rlly just dropped their backstory in ep 1 huh. like we rlly are jumping right into this 

also when leorio said he was a teenager i was like WHAT???? just like evryone else which YEA omfg. i cant believe hes that young lmao. kurapika too

so leorio is one of those 19 yr olds who looks 40 and kurapika is the type of teen who looks like a 12 yr old

and KILLUA i love him sm also....hes an adorable assassin catboy and hes perfect. i love how quickly he and gon hit it off (tiny bfs.....) and how hes just like, this extra as hell 12 yr old with a SKATEBOARD and ASSASSIN SKILLS and then he sees gon and is like guess im gonna fall in love 

i gotta talk abt gon again i just love him. hes so polite and cute and kind and good, i just love him...wht a good protag. his motivation is just wild too, hes like well my dad abandoned me to go off and be a hunter (which he isnt even mad abt, what a nice lad) so im gonna do that to see what the deal is

i love how gon (just like the audience) doesnt really know what a hunter does/is and just goes into the exam totally blind lmao. also the fact that his skills seem to include jumping good, being speedy, having the energy typical of a 12 yr old, being a weather sniffer, being nice, and having good instincts/constitution as a result of having eaten random grass and forest shit growing up...amazing. 

is this gonna turn out to be one of those things where its like, wow theyve been using nen this whole time without realizing! tht would honestly explain a lot lmao 

i really enjoy how like....semi-normal the power levels are rn? while also being all over the place and wack as fucks obvs (like hisoka dissolving that guys arms in his first appearance was A Lot, as well as all the card stuff hes done..). like the part wher that blue guys (evil franky one piece) punches the ground and it leaves a crater and everyones like !!!! wow wtf thats unnatural! that literally threw me off bc that kinda thing is so normal in anime lmaoooo. but i like that thats the starting point bc it leaves a lot of room for power escalation w/out it getting too out of hand 

specifially our protags are starting out pretty low on the Shounen Badass scale - especially gon (and leorio, tho i kinda predict he wont be as fight-y? what with him being premed)

i find it kinda hilarious how killua hasnt done too much (aside from murdering those 2 randos in like half a second) despite being so clearly skilled...like when they have to do the 5v5 fight thing in the tower, i wouldve thought hed be the first up cause hes so badass but nope

actually thats what i find interesting - i was expecting all 5 (or maybe 4, we’re in the middle of leorio’s ‘fight’) of the fights to be physical smackdowns but so far nope, theyve been very cerebral. that bodes well, w/how smart the fights have been, bc i doubt the fights will get stale tht way 

tho they might be kinda frustrating sometimes - there are times when u DO just wanna see a good ole fashioned shounen beatdown yknow. but we do get enough of that now (and im sure we’ll get plenty more) to satisfy (like kurapika decking fake-franky) 

oh also the opening. its so charming and cute and i love the song...its also so hilariously basic and classic - like one of those typical 2000s anime openings where theres stock run cycles of all the main characters and theres a little animation of all the characters fighting together (and that fight doesnt actually happen, its just for the op) 

also love that leorios the only one who doesnt fight in the OP, instead getting saved from death by gon lmao. im curious if he’ll end up fighting at all (i assume a little?) and if he’ll use nen (probably healing type nen?) 

also i already wanna fistfight ging for abandoning his perfect angel son. also leorio is literally gons dad already, they even look alike wow 

that guy hanzo has done basically 0 things so far but i rlly like him already, im curious if thatll change. also sorry for calling u ‘hanzo overwatch!?!?!?!’ upon first viewing my guy 

tonpa is str8 up so annoying pls leave u pathetic loser 

tho it cracked me up when he and Evil Mr Clean were facing off and starting getting all detailed/shaded and i was like o shit is he actually badass. are we abt to see like a nen battle or st. but no....lmaooo

i found it interesting that leorio didnt really admit to wanting to be a dr at first...hes such a good dude, he kinda just let kurapika think that his motives were superficial and greedy when in actuality theyre selfless

also wanting to be rich can be a rlly interesting character motivation and i love when its done right

oh my god i cant believe it took me this long to mention the hilariously edge ED....like holy shit, its so 2000s, the song sounds like its been re-recorded like 40000 times bc of how bad the audio quality is, or something, idk how to describe music but its hilariously specific in tone and its rlly funny to see shots of the main characters smiling while this screamo whatever plays in the bg....wow. 

also s/o to killua for being king of edgy with that ‘tear of blood’ shot

i rlly like how much of the plot, especially the early hunter exam stuff, is moved along simply by gon being a good kind polite boy. 

love the fact that he and leorio and kurapika (and later killua) all team up without even saying anything...i love that, most shounen would have them be like ‘che, i cant team up with anyone, i have to prove myself ALONE or my victory wont be EARNED’ or w/e idk. who knows that might happen later but rn i love how they all effortlessly work together (and how they all contribute - without each other they would have all failed at different points) 

oh man also killuas first appearence was so funny when he drank a bunch of tonpas poisoned drinks and was like [smirks] tch, loser, im immune to poison. get dunked on. [skateboard away] i love him so fuckgin much 

omfg that part where killua looks all shoujo/kawaii and is talking abt how hes gonna kill his family or w/e and gon is just like ^_^? i love they

HOOOOLY FUCK I ALMOST FORGOT, BUT 65% OF THE REASON I MADE THIS POST WAS TO MENTION HISOKAS THEME LMAOOOOO his music being like fuckgin, spanish guitar/traditional mexican type music is sooooo goddamn funny to me for some reason, like the first time it played i was like ok whats going ON with this spanish guitar lmao but then i figured out that its his theme and god thats so funny 

hisoka is also so fuckign jojo like he could so easily be in jojo. he and dio would be the fakest best friends ever and would constantly try to kill each other on the lowdown and shittalk each other constantly in private but be super sweet to each others faces. also they would hatefuck. no im not taking criticism bye 

i rlly love everyones backstories also, and i find it interesting that weve gotten to hear/see at least some of all 4 of the MCs backstories. theyre all compelling and interesting and i cant wait to dive in further 

also calling it now but kurapika is totally gonna get way too absorbed in revenge and get fucked up/disregard their own life (maybe in the style of robin in one piece?) we’ll see but i feel like it aint gonna end well. i could be wrong, i really havent been spoiled at all, thats just my guess 

hbahjfbshjf the ep that was called ‘hisoka x is x sneaky’ was SO funny that reads like a dora the explorer ep title 

also i had no idea the ep titles were formatted like that w/the x’s and thats rlly funny 

ok but the part where leorio - who seems to be pretty bad at fighting - tries to fight hisoka - whose literal first appearence involved him effortlessly dissolving a dudes arms - is so fucking funny. leorio rlly b a premed w/no brain cells....same bro. 

also i loved the Cutthroat Kitchen portion of the hunter exam and how not a single contestant was any good at it lmaoooo. do they not have the cooking channel in hxh-verse earth 

ok i love how the main characters are all intuitive in different ways depending on their own skills, like how killua can immediately guess that kurapika has never killed anyone before after they didnt kill evil-franky

kurapika joined killua in the Edgy Corner during that part also. like, they both have legit reasons to be edgy, but the shots of kurapika sitting in the darker tunnel part was kinda funny

also killua, a literal 12 yr old, calling out kurapika for being a murder virgin was pretty hilarious 

ok also i didnt know that madhouse animated hxh which is rlly funny but w/e i love the animation especially the occasional chibi parts and the facial expressions (like killuas ‘i love murder’ catboy expressions) 

oh also when killua murdered those 2 guys and his hand was all vein-y and his nails were pointy, his hands looked like hisokas do...i wonder if thats a legit connection or it hisoka just b getting his nails did 

kurapika talking abt how even seeing a regular spider makes them rlly angry was both very sad and kinda funny. kura u have so many issues god bless 

kurapikas smackdown on evil blue franky was fuckin dope tho. and the red eyes reveal was SPOICY 

rlly love how the individual fights highlights the characters strengths/morals/motivations/whatever....the writing is already really strong tbh 

ugh ok ive ranted enough this is a Lot lmao its so disorganized but w/e 

basically i love this series so far and im rlly curious whatll happen next. also everything seems pretty chill and upbeat so far (relatively) and i know this shit gets dark and im NOT FUCKING READY. 

til next timeeee

#i think readmores are broken? sometimes? anyways i hope thats not the case and if so then im sorry everyone #im gonna schedule this for like 3 am this is just for me to ramble lmao #anyways i need a tag #uhhh #lj watches hxh #hxh #bam there we go

[lovenotesuggestions]

**time sensitive** i genuinely thought things were gonna be fine after i sent my last ask, but im in so, so much emotional and mental pain. it's triggered a severe depressive episode, my urges to selfharm and drink, and the build up to a really bad panic attack, which are now stopping me form doing the last of my homework and exam prep. the situation is im dating a love and have for a couple of months but also have a really strong crush on a mutual friend of ours 1/4 -🦊

they're both monogamous, but the friend reciprocates my feelings and would like to make a poly relationship work whereas my boyfriend doesn't think he'd be okay with me being in a polyamorous relationship. now, ive been here before and know from experience forcing myself to stay monogamous hurts, so i took a lot of time to think about what to do. the friend ended up basically accepting we won't be able to have anything and "stepped down", if that makes sense 2/4 -🦊

it still hurts, and i can already feel my feelings for both of them are changing because of this whole thing. my anger and hurt is seeping into my love and changing it, basically, and i hate it and it terrifies and pains me. but i don't know how to talk about this with them when everything has already settled. especially when the only thing to stop the hurt is for all three of us to agree on a compromise/agreement of some sort 3/4 -🦊

i know what i want and what i need to stop my pain, but i dont know if i can get it rightfully without causing even more pain to me or either or both of them. help? 4/4 -🦊   

update: ive talked with my boyfriend. it went... okay. not well, but not bad either. ive told him in how much pain i am and why, and he told me he's afraid & doesn't think he's ready for a poly relationship. told him to think abt his priorities & that i wont force him into anything but that i WILL have to break up with him if he cant be in a poly relationship (which ive also told him is 100% okay and that i dont blame him). dunno what to do with myself while he thinks tho -🦊

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 

First thing’s first is to take care of yourself. If you need to apply for extenuating circumstances for your schoolwork because of your mental health, then do that. Reach out to the support systems you need to keep yourself stable if you find you’re having urges to self-harm - your therapist, school nurse, college counsellor, GP,  or even going to the emergency room if you’re in a really bad way. 

Just because the initial circumstances that brought up these feelings have been resolved doesn’t mean the issue is settled. If this is something that’s been an issue before, then this almost certainly won’t be the last time. It’s okay to have different needs to your partner, and sometimes, there just isn’t a compromise that can be reached. If you’re poly and need to fulfil that part of your attractions, and he’s not comfortable not being in a monogamous relationship, then that’s okay. It sucks, but it doesn’t mean you’ve done anything wrong by him, and it doesn’t make you a bad partner to him. It’s okay to be hurt and angry and upset by this situation, because it’s always frustrating and awful to be stuck in a situation where there isn’t a good solution, but it’s not your fault and it’s certainly not you that’s causing pain to the people involved - it’s the unfortunate circumstances. 

I think talking to your boyfriend was the right decision, because it wouldn’t be fair to either of you to stay in a relationship that wasn’t able to fulfil your needs - you would be unhappy because you were forcing yourself to be monogamous when you’re not, and he would be unhappy because he’d be aware that you’re unhappy. It’s not forcing or blackmailing him or giving him an ultimatum or anything to realise that you have these particular needs, and to be aware that if they conflict with his needs, then the relationship isn’t going to work out long term. I know it sucks and it’s awful, but in the long run it’s the mature thing to do, and the best choice for both of you. 

Please try not to beat yourself up or blame yourself whilst you’re waiting on him to make a decision - remember it’s not you hurting anyone here, any more than it would be your fault if you for instance realised you were gay whilst dating a different gender partner. Try to keep yourself busy and occupied with something positive for the time being so you don’t spend too much of your time dwelling on it - there’s no use in worrying too much over something that’s outside of your control. Take extra care of yourself, and I hope however things turn out, your pain eases soon and that everything works out for the best in the long run 💖

#long post #negative / #advice #self-harm / #alcohol / #mental illness / #rant #not a suggestion #fox anon #Anonymous #answered

[edelwary]

when you were first getting into art, what and how did you draw? (like did you just doodle ur masterpieces on pieces of paper and posted-notes or did you have a proper sketchbook) how did you find motivation? bc ive been trying to draw but I always get unmotivated and stop while still wanting to get better just by doing nothing.

REALLY LONG, LOTS OF ADVICES FOR ARTISTS : 

TL;DR ; skip to the HOW TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DRAW part bc i have a megaton of shit to say lol + The MOTIVATION part 

mmh… I’ll get into details with this one tbh bc it’s a long ass process ahah : 

I live by the sea ; when i was youung i used to draw TONS of boat, but like, dollhouse boats, you could see the insides and stuff ; i loved to add tiny details and stuff, and imbricate everything together !

around 8 or 9 yo, i went to the public library with school and discovered the wonderful world of mangas ! I basically… Copy pasted an entire Mermaid Melody tome x) 

For about 2 years i alternated between reading mangas and trying to copy them ! Then i just kept drawing in the margins of my schoolwork for about… 5 years ! I have a Fuck Ton of sketchbooks of that time, it was… The start. Lol. Never say it’s bad because it’s never bad, just not there yet !!

Around my 13 yo, i went every saturday, for two years, under a bookstore ; there was a cave, and drawing classes ; that teacher was mean and harsh and stuff, but like… Not really. He would take away my eraser for the class, force me to use pencil, to draw something else (bulky boys instead of magical girls). 

I’ve learned a lot, more in terms of How To LEARN to draw than to draw itself, but i still progressed a LOT !! 

Then i kept drawing by myself for a year and i really worked hard on it ; about hours a day, trying watercolors and stuff ; i have a real problem with colors in traditionnal art, but i’m much better with lines (i should scan some RAD stuff i made in the weekend, yall ive never done anything this good i stg i dont know why i always forget im so much better on paper) 

This gets us to my sweet 16 ; i have to year of advance, bc i got ‘’’promoted’’’ idk how to say it ; anyways, i entered my (current) animation school for the first year at 16; vERY IMPRESSIVE AND TERRIFYING. 

And i learned. A fuckmegaton. Of shit there. 

Now i’m going for my third year there and i can make photorealistic marmora blades and cyberkpunk decors if i want to and that’s rad, but here is

 HOW TO ACTUALLY FUCKING DRAW : 

I have one HYPER important advice, and i’m keeping it to heart since i’m like, 11 : Have. Sketchbooks. Please !!! It’s very important. Here’s why : 

You keep everything with you in one place. You have 1 sketchbook, it’s basically easy to take every where (a A5, or A4 are pretty easy to carry, i have like, 12 of those, and around 8 of A3) 

You keep track of what you’ve done. It’s super important, bc first you can cry of laughter at your old stuff bc its cute but not so good, and second, you can just be like ‘holy mama’ and see how much you’ve improved

It’s very important to be organized. I WORK in art, and trust me, if there’s something that i’ve learned this year through tears and missing files and bugs : Be. Impeccable. Now if it’s for fun, go a little loose, and just have a folder for art on your computer, and a sketchbook, no need to stress, but the better you try to keep a record of where is what, the better you’ll see whats wrong

Notebooks are friends !! You can draw, write, glue stuff, make notes, lists, everything !!! I have my life in those. It’s more important to me than any of my phones. 

Be proud of it. Like, not everything, duh ! But try to tell yourself than it’s like a RPG ; even if it’s only 2 xp here and there, one day you’ll beat level 40, and that’s super important : art is. Fuckin. Long.

I cant stress it enough. It’s soooo long !!! SO LONG !! it’s years. It’s like karate and fishing and ANYTHING. To be good at it, it takes time, but it WILL COME if you keep trying. There’s no secret passage. 

You’re gonna me it, believe in me who believes in you. 

Use. References. 

Coming from a little shit who’s got a really good visual memory, that can sound like bs, but i stg everything is always AT LEAST twice as good if you’ve used a visual support. 

I’m not saying COPY EVRYTHING (even though thats a good training) I’m saying, if you really want to do that asian tiger, please have at least two or three pictures of it nearby. Take photos of your hands, and stuff ! 

Make it harder. 

No eraser. 

Paint. 

I draw all my backgrounds on my sketchbook with INDIAN INK; no returns, no refunds. 

Ink, Ink, INK !! Don’t allow mistakes.

And if you make mistakes :

New page, restart

It’s okay

It’s for you

I once started back again a whole EXAM bc it was bad, i got one of my best grades 

You’ll improve and be more assured if you know you just have to DO IT. Trust me. It’s VISIBLE; if you can erase, you fidget and hesitate and ‘’kbeujebez hahhaaa idkkidsd’’ ; stop ; do it, and if you don’t like it ? Try again, there’s no time limit

Draw as large as you can 

There’s no interesting story here, it just helps. Bigger movement of the hand, more place for details, breathing lines

Thin lineart helps

Thinner. Make it even thinner

Break the rules, but not the ones that structure your art 

Big lineart ? Why not

Unfinished lines, vaporeous colors ? Pretty

Cubism is actually based on extensive and intense practice of classical art, it’s not wibbly wooblly ; the anatomy is more correct than you think 

Structure and composition are important, but so is movement and life ; choose your fighter ; mine is fluidity and fun, i’m like, a rogue/archer in drawing. Some people are dwarf fighter. That’s amazing and great. 

Don’t be afraid to do nothing

Pages and pages of my sketchbooks are actually just lance facing right and smiling, you know… 

Sometimes it just doesnt work : two ways :

Take a break, Kiki’s delivery service style

Keep trying, break your art until it obeys and comes back

Take breaks. Breath. 

Don’t compare. I do it, it doesn’t help at all. You’ll make it ; and if you compare, keep in mind that everyone’s different

I’m not gonna lie, it’s NOT easy, it’s even hard 

But I really, really think it’s worth it 

MOTIVATION :

My main bitch 

I’m always pumped for art because i can LITTERALLY NOT do anything else ; i love reading and writing and stuff but at the end of the day i just want !!! to draw !!!! aaaaaa-

Fall in love with it, and with the possibilities ; i have stories to tell, tell me yours ! Do your best, one day it WILL work

Actual advices : 

I have an inspiration blog where i just reblogs stuff i like to draw them later

Find a picture, copy it. Do it again. Change the characters (i have 2 ocs and Lance and Keith as default characters) in the pic. 

Like an artstyle ? Break it to its very core, analyse it, copy it, redo it, trace it and ABSORB it. Don’t copy/past, LEARN from your heroes.

Do what you like. I have 86578 pieces of voltron, this is not a coincidence. I have ENDLESS ideas for this show, wtf. 

Try new things. Buy indian ink im begging you. It’s so cool. 

Have a game with yourself, or a challenge. STICK TO IT. 

Study. When you’re bored, usually it’s because you’re stagnating. Make it harder or do hands until you cry. 

Love your backgrounds; make backgrounds, study trees, and tokyo streets, and venice’s bridges. Decor is just as cool as characters, if not more

Mess a little with everything. My roomate more than one found me stained from head to toes trying to DO STUFF 

Draw outfits. Draw what you want but can’t afford 

MAKE YOUR LIFE A COMIC. Remember those sketchbooks ? Make a comic a week/month/every full moon, whatever, and draw your life (mine’s the roomates au lol) 

Prompts blogs are cool too 

Make fanart of a fic you liked ; you have the characters and the pose already, you just have to illustrate ; double bonus, you probably will make a writer’s day, if not year !

That little movie that plays when you listen to your favorite song ? DRAW IT

Your favorite scene in your favorite movie ? Redraw each shot. On post it. Plus it looks awesome afterwards to have the infamous TREX scene of Jurassic Parks in post it

Get bored. That’s inevitable. Dance, scream, get back to it. Walk, draw everything you see. 

Make a paper google map street view : Take a walk : every 50 meters, draw what is in front of you. 

Snapchats your friends. Draw their snapchats when they answer 

Draw maps. Invent places. Invent bikes, and hovercrafts, and monsters. Make your everyday inventory. Make your life a video game, and do the concept arts of it. 

FETCH your inspiration. I have approx. 20 artbooks, full of drawings and concept arts of my fave movies/games ; take what you like and add it to the story you have since you’re 8. We all have one. 

Ask for it ; your sis, your mom, me even ! If you dont have ideas, someone will have them. 

WELL i’m gonna stop there, even though i got like, 9864567 more to say, but with this you should be fine ! Anon, i’m rooting for you ! we all start somewhere, just hold on!!!! 

#Anon you'll do it !!!!!!!!!! #asked #artist advice #art #i put my heart in this omg #it's 1.5 K WORDS #wtf #but yeah #you just gotta do shit and mess around

[haeroniel-doliet]

gah another 5 am post eh fellas

fuck i really wanna do ballet. i really rarely become obsessed (if ever) with anything, but for once i’m so so so so soso wanting to do ballet. so bad. i know i might hate it bc im fucing not musical at all, so not in shape, so not comfortable or etc. but at least im 18,(wait fuck 19 now)  and not 45 trying to get in it all stiff and stuck and i think based on all the sweet positivity to adult ballet starters beginners and sure i wont perform professionally but fuck man i dont think i need that. i just want that grace and flexibility and elegance and gah itd be fabulous. i mean even now im pretending to look for turn out and walk around the house like they do in point shoes and i try fix my posture tothe advice by a ballet dancer youtuber who ive been watching so much of. i just i really wanna do it. 

saddest fucking thing is guys, that i could’ve had the chance to go to the fucking royal ballets adult absolute beginner classes. in london. i could have. fuck. u wanna know what happened? i found out about it like a month or two ago and was fucking psyched bc its one of those things that just is too good to be true. the best company in uk?? w adult classes? while im in london?? yeah id have to miss a few weeks bc. whoops i gotta go back up to do my exams,but i couldve at least done a few weeks, come back and done a few last so i’d have had the best opportunity to give this a go in the best environment and then have a kindling to go off with to other available ballets. and not start with some barely managing person in a shitty studio thing. idk. sure so i tell my parents so fuckin excited bc look! its possible! but yeah its expensive, wouldve been abt 90 pound w me being a student and id have to miss 3/10 classes. but still! thin of it gah its making me so sad happy. sad bc guess its now sold out. of fuckin course it is. i told my mom and she just was uhmm ohh i dunno i dunno, oh its adults i could do it, and thinking that maybe getting her involved would mean i have a better chance of going, dont care much for her company but if shed take it as a bonding thing hell, i’ll probably do better than her in class and minor confidence boost as well as if they all others are old old i wont be alone. and she could pass over what they learned when im up in scotland. Guess that was a fuckin mistake. she got all nervous and self concious and put it off with a we’ll see we’ll see about it im thinking. and making it a whole thing like instead of me wanting to go so bad and offering for fun that shed join me, as if im trying to pressure her into doing it and would only go along to make her feel better. uh.... fucking wrong! im so mad actually. bc of course, no matter how often i mentioned it she wouldnt take it seriously to even consider booking me in! no no of course not we’ll see. and then i check before im coming back, dreading and being right that yep. theyre fucing sold out. of course they are its such a fanstastic opportunity! my only fucking opportunity! when ever again am i going to live in london with weeks free to go participate in that? when ever again? never. theyre moving out of london this summer and fuck. just doing some research and the scottish ballet is in fucking glasgow. yes i was supposed to get there if i hadnt been so shit with studying for my exams. (sure i wouldnt be doing archery and wouldnt have all the other wonderful things i now enjoy in aberdeen but fuck its frustrating) and ofc. aberdeen seems to have: one shady dance company that offers ballet fusion. not adult ballet classes. another shady school that practices at robert gordons that have no website nothing. no info how to sign up or if they have adult classes or when its so stupid and weird. maybe ill have to contact them directly idk. sure my uni has a what seems to be a thriving dance society that i have a glitched out membership for. (its 50 pound a year and i have cerrainly not paid that) and i guess they do ballet on the side. but again from a glance around, looks its only intermediate. not beginners. dont think theres that many uni age girls who just wanna start ballet now. 

so it looks bleary. even in finland, i cant understand body parts in finnish so that might just be frustrating if i could even find a place that offers it. not that i’ll have long at all in finland. ill be there barely a month before heading back to uni and i come back holidays. if i wanted to take one of these eleven week courses, i think id have to geta fuckin liscence and a car and drive to glasgow 3 hrs both ways for a class once a week and that sjust stupid. im so fucking mad about this missed opportunity. like my muscles are itching and aching to do it. my legs want to work out in ballet positions. they just rly do. yeah maybe ill have to start doing barre at home from videos to try ease that, but its not gonna be the same and ill do it all wrong bc i have no teacher to direct me or anything. correct either. sure if i had done it and loved it i might still be mad that i have no opportunities to continue like i want to, but at least id have that expereince and could keep practicing at home based off of it.  i am genuinely upset okay. upset betrayed disappointed sad twitchy and ugh. sure tickets go on sale today to swan lake after exams. and by fuck will i go see it. and ill get all the background before it and know it inside and out before i see it (already kinda do) and i will love it. ill bemaybe more upset and more twitchy that i cant do it, that i cant be lie them and that rly sucks. i really really wish by some miracle the school would offer summer courses so that i could just, get myself after exams into one. also another frustrating thing not quite so pressing on my mind is how my dad wants me to get summer jobs, maybe even two. one here and one in finland. sure it should theoretically be easier getting it here, esp. since im 19 now and yeah. i could work in a cafe or store just to get money and have smth to put on a cv thats not 2 weeks. but i dunno i dont particularly want to, i was hoping in london i could get the most of it culturaly (considering ive been a pouting and sad whailer whos not done anything for the last two years) then again i have p much no friends here so if i did go work somewhere theres a slight chance thered be someone i get along with and could hang out w. or visit if i needa back in london. i dunno. things are weird. sure i could try get an admin job w nhs like some lady suggested but its one of those too much responsibilty things, consdiering im shit with work i kinda would prefer to do some physical job like stacking shelves in a shop bc im good at that. but thats not gonna help me in the future. money yes, but cv building or careers wise? nah. i should owrk in hospitality or smth i dunno even i can barely get thru my work to pass rn so  i dunno about job searching. im jsut a mess am i not. regardless maybe i should look if theres other ballet schoolsin london. be desperate, get a job and a ballet class going over summer and do art on the free time i guess. 

okay so fer now ive found a course for like fucking 156 pound thats a 2 day full days course that looks mad cool for having different classes to learn vocab and etc and then a bit of fucking swanlake like yooo.. best thing its in like july but thats also possibly bad bc its july 28-29 and july 30 we move out. man it could be cool tho. then they offer there as well a taster session p much every other week and then a full 8 weeks of class p near by to me. sure this is specifically taught by a man and id prefer a woman but, i guess. since its ideal timing and place. and i got wondering why thats 150 and the national ballet wouldve been abt 90 and i guess there i get concession and it wouldve been only 6 classes considering the dates they had off. i should rly ask if they do do concession bc 150 is a bit steep still. for 8 classes thats almost 20 pound for 75 mins. its kinda insane. theres probably more companies i havent looked at but there is one other thats like a drop in thing 10 pound cash each class and thats a 90 mins so it might be better. ofc. obv. fault being that its drop in so being an absolute beginner w likely a lot older adults idk how id fit in or keep up or get hte most of it. i think ill go try it once regardless. then when back in abdn ask around for taster sessions and beginner ballet. worst comes to worst i wait another 4 years till i get to a big enough city that they have a nice ballet company and somewhere i can live like an adult but also get in on adult ballet and enjoy myself. maybe my industrial placement city will have  a ballet company idk. 

all i know is that im a bit obsessed and everyone says to go for your dreams etc. and as much as i enjoy archery (slowly gonna dedicate to it) and aikido (though training can be frustrating and training with old men isnt that fun) and ice skating is another less of a dream but in the same realm as ballet. that im gonan get new skates for and give it a better try. i just think ballet could  be so fucking rad and im sad that its not so easy rn. and that my mom fucked me over. for that one course that couldve been cheap and amazing and mindchanging. to go to the ballet knowing what some of it feels like would be great. sure id love  a chance to do some after as well u know. ofc it sucks it might cost a couple hundred over summer to these hobbies and i feel iffy spending 180 on a quality waterproof jacket. sure. they spend it but, im v concientious and dont wanna spend much of their money esp cus im not making my own. i guess logically, i should put a bunch of effort to getting thru this term rly well without lies and get a sumemr job. that way, i could theoretically take loan from my parents  and pay back with summer job money w some left over to do as i like with (yeah i should save it for sensible shit but idk) also considering how nice i am my dad might not even want me to pay back. look i dunno. thats an idea. be good, be rewarded w ballet classes and an unstrained relationship w my parents, joyously move back to finland and start next term w a clean slate, hopefully more help and new determination into hobbies. maybe i wanna do 4 sports since i never did much as i was younger. tho sure, i did aikidos cousin taekwondo. ive shot a bow and arrow whenever i had a chance. ive skated since literally like 3 yrs old. and i used to take a form of dance a alot younger. sure no musicality but i think the exercises would be great for my knees and legs and butt and torso and posture. htese are fun sports since i dont like to work out. and since im not comfortable enough in myself to go swim. 

#ballet an hobbies and thoughts and lots of things. #honestly noneed to read

[neverthoughtofthatlol]

TWENTY on My Twenty

I actually want to write this on 31st Dec but i will just do it now.

If there’s anything I’ve learned in my twenty years of life and if I were to put it into words, it would be these:

1. Allah.

In the end of the day, all that matters is Allah. His blessings, His rahmah and His loves. No matter what my problems are, it will be always gonna be done somehow with the helps of Allah. Allah loves me more than anybody else do and Allah loves loves when I came back to Him. I am very much of a sinful person yet Allah always give me His blessings and loves. I can’t thank Allah enough and i am so so grateful for being born as a Muslim. Allah is The Most Merciful and Gracious. He is Al Fattah, Al Rahman and The Goodness is only His.

This life is but a tool for us to find Jannah. There is something bigger, better and kekal than this dunya. But for us to just live life as it is, we cant get into Jannah. Do as He tolds us to, from the Quran and His Prophet SAW. Do everything that please Him. Find more ilm, knowledge on the religion. One by one, step by step. InsyaAllah.

Above all, He is The Most Merciful, Most Knowing. Everytime I fall, i went back to Him, crying and praying. Alhamdulillah. Each times, He helps me get through my problems. So Isma, whenever you are in such a bad situation, or even you are not— always run to Him and pray. I learn this ayah this year and I love it‏

‏وَلَمْ أَكُنْ بِدُعَائِكَ رَبِّ شَقِيًّا

‏"Dan aku belum pernah kecewa dalam berdoa kepada-Mu, ya Tuhanku."

‏(Maryam: 4)

Sungguh, i am far than being a person of Zakariyya tapi Allah sungguh mendengar semua doaku. Though not all are granted the way i want them to be, but they all good for me.

2. Family.

I thank Allah everyday for my family. Each and every of them. My parents especially. I am ever so thankful for my sisters and brothers in laws. My parents and siblings been there for me on my highest and lowest.

Mummy. For everything that I had done, i always think that it all thanks to mummy’s prayers. Perhaps among those days, there might be a day that i gonna take my own life or i might be facing a big problem and it were mummy’s doa that saved me. Maybe there are days that i supposed to fall and fail, but again doa mummy save me. I am not a good student ykno, tapi tiap kali exam besar, i asked mummy to pray for me and setiap kali itu I got result yg agaik baik. Lebih daripada cukup makan. Alhamdulillah.

I dont have friends. None at all. No bestfriends and nobody to talk to. But i have my family with me. I have my sisters whom i shared few things with. I dont go out with friends, instead i went with my siblings. My brothers in laws took very nice care of me. Like real brother.

And for all that, i so appreciate them and pray to Allah everyday for each and every them can go far and successfully in whatever they do. I dont know how to express my love and appreciation, but i just know i love them to death. I dont have anybody. But i know they always have my back.

3. Qadr

If Allah already written a thing for you, it will get to you. Even if that thing is right under your nose, if it does not mean for you, it wil never be yours. But if that thing are mean for you, it will get it eventually.

Don’t worry about a thing. God has write everything for you ever since you are in your mum’s womb. Tenang. Pray and cry to Him. Dont forget to breath.

What isn’t for wont be yours. Make peace with your past. Let go of things burdening you. Believe in Allah. He will guide your through. Accept the Qadr of Allah. He knows best. He is the Divine Planner. He loves you . Know that His plans will always lead to something better and great. If things go wrong, that might be a form of protection from God. Things might rough sometimes but later, when you look back and see how perfectly the pieces fit together.

3. Timing

You are never early and never late. You are just in time. Perfectly in your time frame. If people your age doing better than you, then it is their rezeki.

Boleh jadi the time that you want that certain things to happen in your life, is the time that you are not ready for anything. Boleh jadi you belum kaya sebab you belum cukup knowledge about handling money. Boleh jadi awak belum buat degree sekarang, while people around your age are on their second year kf degree sebab you belum ready untuk semua tu.

You are not late. Remember that life is not a race. You don’t compete with anybody in this life okay. It’s about you again yourself. You nak maju or you nak stay still di sana.

4. Manner

Manners maketh a man. Sebelum menuntut ilmu, kena ada adab. Sebelum kita mengajar adab, kita kena membeli jiwa. Manners for me is the first thing to be taught to our children. What is a person without manners. What is a professional without manners.

If you being rude to me or anybody else, then consider our last meeting is our last chapter together. With that being said, i dont want to associate myself with mannerless people. Sure it’s cool and all but for what?? Being mannerless is not just about talking in a rude way but also taking benefits out of a person and leave him when he is in need. Being rude is also being a person with no commons sense.In the religion we call it akhlaq. What is a muslim without akhlaq.

If in your place, everybody do that. Then keep doing it. However in my place, dont act like that. You are in MY place. So behave yourself.

This is a note to myself too. For me to being a nice person to everybody regardless of who they are, their background.

5. Mental health

Mental illness are real. Three years ago I dont even know what is a depression and anxiety. Years ago, I even mocked people with mental illness. Years ago, I believe nobody should ever have it and everybody should endure it well. Years ago I believe none of my surrounding would be one of them. Years ago I believe I just have to be strong and calm to overcome it.

I was wrong. Who knows years later, me out of everyone else, the me that was known for her strong will, the me who are so ambitious, the me who stay rational and collected most of the times, the me who didn’t bother thise little things. Who would expect me to be one of the fighter of mental health. Who would have know that me will go through all these.

I mean even me myself never imagine that I would be in that black episodes. Huh. Things are real. Mental health are real. It happens. To everyone. Regardless of whom and whys.

Few things ive learned about mental health are they are real and they will come to you unexpectedly. It will tear you apart. It bring you down. It will make you lost your sanity. You will lose control of everything. Breath became heavier than ever.

But you will overcome it. You will go through that. And you will learnt a lot. You will realize about lot of things. You will appreciate more. You will turn to your Creator again.

Everytime it hit you, try your best to hang in there and always always run to Allah. Cry your eyes out. Bail. Beg to God. It is hard but it will pass.

Read again. Books. Fiction or nonfiction, read. Get that feeling of reading again. It somehow helps me. Read the quran also. Read the hadith. Read random quotes from socmed. Unfollow the flow. Breath again. Look at the sky. Get a cup of coffee once in a while. Listen to talks. But dont read other people story on how to overcome it. Dont read the survivor’s sharing. It will trigger you. Dont google the topic. Leave it as it is. Enough with what you know. It will trigger you, harder than the usual.

7. YOU HAVE TO DO IT

If you have dreams, you have to get it yourself. Nobody else are going to do it for you. Sure people will help you but no one can make your dream into reality other than you.

Once you enter adulthood, it

[stay-hopefull]

Okay so. I've thought a lot abt writing things down but every time the effort of like. Sitting down and writing everything out is too much? Idk tbh

Past days ive been tired a lot again; monday was all day and today i started great! There's this online discord-"library" where you just turn on your camera but turn off your microphone and others do too and that way it doesn't feel like im studying alone all day. Short term its good for making me start on time and keeping me from wandeeing around the house aimlessly. It does however push me to do more than i can actually do spoon-wise? I think? Idk i did good work before noon and then ate and took a longer break, but then i sort of got mentallystuck on the couch

(okay this isn't the energy thing tho this is the fact that there was really bad communication from the teacher abt if class was a lecture (which i can stream) or guided excercises (which id have to independently figure out bc i cant go to class rn). And also there was miscommunication abt when class would start. Meaning that it was 15 minutes after when i thought class would start and i still had no idea what whas going on. And my brakn was kinda stuck like 'hey you have to watch this lecture' but there was no lecture. So i needed recalibration time. I did eventually succeed at figuring out what to do :) )

Anyway i was able to join the guided excercises via videocall with a friend who was there. So that was okay but also chaos bc there was lots of background noise and i couldnt find a sound level at which i could understand everything i needed to (without having to put concious effort into hearing ánd understanding people) but not overwhelmed by the (very similar) background noise. So i just had my brain struggle a bit more than it should've. And then i was really fuckening tired. And i literally just shut off the video call and laid my head on my arms bc there was No Energy For Anything. Moving to the couch 2 meters away was like impossible. I think it took me abt 15 minutes of laying there? And then i put my stuff back on my own desk and crashed in the couch. For like an hour. Which, yk, was probably an indicator that i'd done enough that day but noooo

My brain has this amazing tendency to say "you haven't finished your work so now you can't do anything else. Oh you can't work rn? Guess you'll spend time scrolling social media and feeling like your life has no purpose"

So i checked if anyone was in the library and there was so i joined them and continued studying. I think i did like 45 minutes? And then my dad said go eat so i did. But after that i went back to studying. I only stopped bc in high school i refused to keep working later than 8pm. And it was already 20h30. But yeah i started crying just before going to bed so i dont think today was as okay or repeatable as id like it to be. I feel kinda overworked and i have no idea how i'll manage 7 weeks of this + exams. Just today we received the dates of when reports are due and i already feel so behind on everything. I don't even know how much weeks of class have passed already. Its like one big blur of stress and anxiety and "you have to do this!" "You have to be there then!" "Remember to answer the 25 messages from yesterday!" "Oh yeah you're running out of food and haven't done the dishes in a week :)" and i keep telling myself that ill be fine, that ive done this before but like. At what cost. What's the point of keeping on doing this to myself. I just want it all to stop.

So that overwhelmed feeling is almost definitly the one that turns into breakdowns. Along with the voice that says 'you did this wrobg. You did that wrong. That's no good. Why did you do that. Stop trying. You'll never be good enough'.

I guess i can call them burn-out and impostor syndrome but right now giving them a name just makes me angry at how you can't get faciliteiten at uni unless you have a diagnosis and even then idk what that'd help with.

Im gonna sleep now i have class tomorrow morning :)

[luvdsc]

yeah, ive got like two to threeish weeks left until summer vacations starts!! im literally sooo excited for it 💖 and yes!! i totally get you when you say that they are annoying but in an endearing way,, most of my guy friends are like that haha and uniforms? what was that like?? did you like your uniform?? and, youre absolutely right!! its nice to see people put effort in the way they dress for once,, and yesss!! ive literally begged my friends to consider stem, but most just dont like it (1/5)

and so far im considering going into IT (is that the right word?), but im not too sure about that,, and thats literally why i love stem so much! its really challenging and really amazing to think about!! and, yeah, i wouldnt even know where to begin to buy n95 masks adfad most people either use masks they made themselves or those one use masks,, and i will!! please stay safe too!! many dont seem to take the pandemic seriously anymore, but its still not over so definitely stay safe!!! 💖💕 (2/5)

code names sounds fun!! i love guessing games,, i cant wait to host a game night with my friends once this is all over!! and lmao that must be so weird to just sit there while you wait for your prof haha zoom does seem to be v annoying, but im happy you got it to start working!! and, same, i could never live in vietnam bc the humidity is just too much,, no, not really haha it only ever snows a couple of times a year and most of the time it melts away in a couple of days, but no ive never (3/5)

gone skiing or snowboarding,, a lot my friends have tho so it is common to go but i just havent yet,, and same! i figured eugene would give matt alcohol but just alcohol?? i was absolutely not surprised that matt nailed it!! and gordon ramsey? who? and, oh, croissants! they seem so difficult tho because youve gotta chill the dough all the time, but tell me how they turn out if you decide to make them!! and a triptych and in an impressionist and pop art style?? that sounds difficult!! (4/5)

but im sure youll do well 💖 id love to see the piece once your finished because i love impressionist style artwork,, and damn must be weird to graduate now without a proper ceremony :( i really hope you get to do a big celebration once all of this is over because you totally deserve it!! and haha i get it,, must be nice to know that youll never have to cram for another exam again fasdfa and thank you! im having a great weekend,, how about you? (5/5)

✿ ✿ ✿

omg ok i know i’ve been pm’ing you a lot instead, but i still want to answer these!!! you’re almost done with school, you can do it! summer is just around the corner 💕  YES, i feel like all guy friends read the same manual or something, like how are they so darn annoying all the time, but you can’t seem to hate them for it?? i actually really loved uniforms!! it made it easier in the morning because you already have an outfit picked out. also, people can’t judge you based on what you’re wearing because they’re wearing the same thing. it’s an equalizer, and that’s really nice :’) people who put effort into fashion are amazing, like it takes me an hour to pick one decent outfit to go out in and then i’m drained rip

omg i’m going into IT!!!! it’s a fun field to work in, and i hope you’ll like it! and yes for sure, stem makes you use your brain a lot ajksdhfkasd ah, same! my friend gave me one of her n95 masks, but besides that, my mom sewed a lot of masks herself, so we use those if we go outside! yes, i will also!! yeah, the pandemic is still going on, so i hope everyone still stays mindful of that ): 

omg yes, i miss the weekly game nights we had ))): we host one every friday night online still, but it’s not the same.. ashdjkalfhas literally everyone is just sitting there, waiting for the prof to come back, and we all look dead inside on cam LOL i don’t know how people can survive in humidity like that all the time... my friend absolutely loves it and says it’s because it makes her a dewy goddess, but humidity just makes me look like a sweaty beach ball LMAO  oooo i see! that’s still lovely to be able to experience snow for a few days 💖

matt and eugene are good at everything, i’m not even surprised anymore aksjdfjhlaksd when he did that painting while drunk in their latest video, i was like :O yeah, croissants seem really difficult, but hopefully, i’ll be able to expand my baking skills over the summer!!

and actually, i sped painted each one for 3-4 hours each! so it wasn’t too bad, and i chose impressionism because it’s more about painting what you feel, rather than doing a photorealism style, which would’ve taken ages rip and we’ll be getting our actual ceremony next year!!! it’s so exciting, and thank you so much again!!! 🥺  my weekend is off to a good start! only 9 more hours til the commencement ceremony starts at noon :’) 

(also you don’t have to answer these!!! i know we talked about the majority of this through dm’s already ajskdfhas)

#asks #latetaektalk

[wisteria-banette]

Thank you study blog community. I took the other post down becase it was in the middle of class in a hurry and not heaetfelt enough cause guess who is a snappy friend. Moi.

A few weeks ago I took mu audit test. In a span of 4 weeks and considering other classes i had. I put in (in that class alone)120 hours of self study, work, revisions, study, everything. 120 hours…and I only stopped at that number because in the end I was so burnt out I just said Fuck it and stopped counting nor giving a shit up till maybe a week before exams. I felt well prepared save for a chapter he sped through. I walked in half confident I would get a solid B for my huge effort (I aim low because this always happens) and walked out almost im tears. A 85 MC and 2 short answer test of 2 hours and 35 minutes in length. I could confidently say I answered 15 right with 15 more in the semi confident zone. All that effort in the trash. I read. I read every sentence, annotated, refused to move on till i understood, didnt cheat through hw (i.e. quizlet or googled the hw) instead fully doing them. I reviewed, I flashcarded, I made mind maps and taught to my empty bed the stuff. All that effort to come out in tears. I posted on tumblr these woos and tears into a small post no one would see my studyblr isnt big. Its a comfy small amount of little few loyal mutuals (I love you all) and so it was no more than a vent to a small group of friends and maybe a diary. A few encouraged me and gave me reassurance. That I truly tried my best. I honestly couldnt have “try better next time” because if told me to do better, I would glare at you and say 125 hours isnt good enough already?

Today, i got my score. I didnt fail. Didnt ace it didnt even do anywhere near as good as my clasdmated whom some didnt even fully read the chapter. Things dont quickly click for me. Ive always been just a little bit slower than everyone in my class. I put extra effort to remedy my little cobweb brain. But i passed. I got a 77. Not bad, 3 points from an 80. Which is maybe b- meaning i got a C+. I had walked out calculating my doomed cumulative grade in the class thinking i got a 40 on the exam. Its a 77 after a 12 point curve. It saved the entire class. It saved me. It saved my broken heart.

Sure, I could be negative and say that without the curve, i really actually got like…a 65. My effort truly translated to a 65. But someone was feeling a little generous. And i will take this extra little boost with all my heart. I cant complain. I didnt fail. I had a bunch of you lovely humans root me on.

So thank you studyblog community. I couldnt have mentally done it without you guys. Thank you so much. I cant be the studyblog with perfect handwriting or perfect grades and masterlists of (how to get a 4.00) will not help me but i tried my best. I put my best to show you all. This is a loving community, it really is. Thank you all

#study #studyblog #studyblr #accounting #accounting major #auditing #thank you #personal #studyspo #study inspiration

[chickenfetus]

HI!!! i like to request ALL of the flowery asks! btw i LOVE ur blog and maybe u????? idk 🌸🌸 (jk i love u alot)

who is this????????/ under cut bc i get rambly 

azalea: what’s one word that describes you?

lame lmao

baby’s breath: what did you want to be when you were a kid?

honestly? my answer’s like yours jen because i wanted to be an astronaut but also a vet and then a few years later i wanted to be something else of a whole different profession but now i know what reality is like and i have no clue what i wanna be whoops

begonia: are you a messy or clean person?

i hate seeing my desk/workspace be messy but i cant bring myself to clean it up either???? bc im lazy 

bleeding heart: has your heart ever been broken?

hMMMMm mmm idk i dont think so

bluebell: do you drink tea or coffee?

i drink tea more than i drink coffee but i drink water more than i drink tea i drink water like. everyday lmao obviously but i drink a lot of water its my brand now

buttercup: what are five things that make you apologetically happy?

what does this mean why is the word apologetically there i cancelled it lmao no negativity in this house

my favorite people (u know who + my friends)

when people answer my anon asks and . they respond with a long reply/seem really happy responding thats my fav fam

this is getting real anime but when i get an UR/4* from scouting 

finding an anime/manga/book that perfectly suits my taste

im very tempted to just say water bc idk what else 2 say 

calla: what’s your favorite book?

ive only read 3 whole books this year but i recommend all of them 

challenger deep - neal shusterman (i could go on about this book for days honestly its so interesting and even though its told by the same person it has two kind of perspectives because there are two settings, that didnt make sense but this book is my new favorite)

see you in the cosmos - jack cheng (i love this one too because its just so warm? made me a little emo but its really good and i love how unique it is, text type wise)

a monster calls - patrick ness (this was something i heard from my school first so i didnt know if i really wanted to get it but its actually pretty good?) 

carnation: what are your five most played songs?

i cant really check using the music app bc i added the songs at different timings so itll be inaccurate ill just do most played song from each band/group

again - astro (this is their best song dont @ me)

letting go - day6

all in/stuck - monsta x

death by a strawberry - dance gavin dance

check yes juliet - we the kings

chrysanthemum: what are you afraid of?

i may not b a child but im still afraid of the dark bc my imagination is wild im also afraid of bugs and disappointing others nice oh shit im also afraid of asking for things

daffodil: what’s your astrological sign?

capricorn 

dahlia: what’s your favorite band?

this question was made for me its day6

daisy: which ‘friends’ character do you relate to the most?

ive never watched friends 

dandelion: are you an extrovert or an introvert?

in between!!!!!

geranium: how has your day been?

its been good!!! i managed to ask my mum 2 take me to hair place so i can get it cut finally and im working on updating my tumblr pages and doing all my tags

hydrangea: what’s your dream job?

pass

iris: who’s your celebrity crush?

pass

lavender: what’s one of the best gifts you’ve ever received?

oH FUCK FAM my friends got me a kermit toy for my birthday i lvoe it 2 dEATH

lily: what’s something you’ve achieved that you’re really proud of?

i got first in my class once wow amazing that was 2 years ago i wish i was as good as the me from 2 years ago 

marigold: what would you like to do more of, but don’t ?

well i want 2 b more hardworking but guess thats too late

morning glory: are you an early bird or a night owl?

now that school is over and i have no reason to wake up early ive become neither which is saddening because... i like waking up at 7am on weekends and doing things early but now i wake up at like 9-10am and i still sleep at 11pm  

orchid: what’s the last movie you saw?

i really dont remember?? maybe uh guardians of the galaxy?? i dont remember who i watched it with and when but it was good actually i remember who i watched it with nvm 

pansy: do you believe in love at first sight?

i dont really believe in romantic love anymore 

peony: what does your url mean?

chicken fetus means an egg

periwinkle: what are you thankful for?

god get ready folks im gonna go on my biggest boxy rant ever...

so boxy is my friend who ive been mutuals for over a year and our first common interest is love live and haikyuu so we had that to talk about but im bad at keeping conversations with ppl on tumblr so that ended quickly but earlier this year or late last year i made a twitter and told people on here about it and she followed me and i didnt really mind/pay attention to the stuff she posted/rted uNTIL. until that fateful day... june 25th... at like 8pm? she rted a pic of mister brian kang with dumb minion glasses on and ok maybe i do believe in love at first sight? bc wow!!!!! whos this dumbass with minion glasses and the fluffiest hair ??? so i slide into boxy’s dm.. expecting an explanation and she gives me a good one saying how brians from a band (i would later find out), day6 and im not a fan of kpop, never have been.. ive only watched like some kpop mvs bc i love my friends so i expect myself to listen to them and get over them as soon as im done. boxy my friend, bless HER she sends me all of their mvs from congratulations to i smile and i watch the first one - i smile and me? i start smiling and i can feel myself getting excited because holy fuck theyre a band! they play fucking instruments??? and at this point im already whipped then i move onto how can i say and that shit blew my mind let me tell you.. so because of boxy... i get to where i am now, proudly stanning 3 groups and if it were not for her i wouldve never gotten into mx as well... boxy is just?? really important to me her impact is just that great?? so im super!! sUPER thankful for her and i dont think she’ll ever see this but boxy i love u thank u so much!! boxy gave me more than one reason to live, and not just exist?? without her i wouldve never been able to make so many (like 2 but hEY) new friends and this probably got so long idk im just really thankful for boxy thank u lord for blessing us with boxy (@/youngkwhom on twitter) (kittenma on tumblr) i hope shes happy forever and i also hope she has good days for the rest of her life?? boxy deserves it i lvoe u boxy

petunia: where were you ten years ago?

10 years ago i was like 6 probably watching pokemon or some shit and getting glasses

poinsettia: where would you like to be in ten years?

dead thanks

poppy: what’s your online persona?

i dont understad the meaning of persona but an egg?????? 

rose: who’s the last person you spent quality time with?

all my classmates in an exam hall for 2 hours, quality time indeed

snapdragon: what are your goals?

pass

sunflower: what’s your favorite quote?

i think i had one before but i forgot so maybe it wasnt my favourite lol idk i dont have one now

tulip: if you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

for all of my favourite people to be happy forever

a good future

i want astro, mx and day6 to get an award for all of their hardwork thanks

violet: what’s one thing most people don’t know about you?

i was gonna say smth negative but lets not hm m m i? ?? ill put smth irl ppl probably dont know either uh hhh i guess?? that i eat a lot?? but also get full really quickly but then really hungry right after that idk thanks digestion

zinnia: do you believe in magic?

no ????/ idk is there any evidence that magic exists 

JEN !!! thank u so much for asking even tho u probably asked just to get back at me but this was still fun ask memes will never get boring bro,. i love u and i hope u have a good evening also i love ur blog too moon anon probably already told u

to anyone who actually bothered reading through this mess - thank you and i hope you have a good day/night too!!

#vampbin #asks