#maybe i shouldnt say that

[effervescentleaf]

they never should've told me about laziness

#its my own future im jeopardising #but like this is not the attitude of someone who wants over 400 points in the leaving cert #dont feel like you have to read the tags i just need to rant and tumblr has no recipients #ive spent the last 2 days watching glee scenes #and the last at least month slacking off and not doing shit in school #ive already done 2 exams so it cant be that bad right #(the easiest subjects) #like i cannot remember the last time i wrote anything in french #engineering? i copied some marking scheme answers into a copy and cheated on the mocks... #maybe i shouldnt say that #but at peast my parents think ive been studying all day so that a plus #i cleaned my desk so ill be able to do something tomorrow hopefully #im glad theyre all in the first week but that also means i have to study for everything At Once #which is terrifying #anyways #leafposts #i promise its not as bad as im making it out to be i am autistic after all

[idolomantises]

i really want to draw sera and lili going to church together. however, churches are a pain to draw. i'm tempted to use 3d assets if the task feels too overwhelming.

#txt #i actually used a 3d asset in one of my earlier comics and i think nobody noticed #or maybe they were too polite to say anything which i hope is the latter bc there's a lot of stigma towards using 3d assets #but if you can blend them in decently i feel like it shouldnt matter too much #there's a character at the church i really want to introduce as well

[kana7o]

[I used to know my place was the spot next to you]

#obikin #sw #yeah ive been listening to speak now (Taylors version) all day can you tell #this ones my favourite from the album its so *chefs kiss #anyways i like thinking of force ghost obiwan hanging out with vader and watching him with sad eyes #but maybe also a little happy? bc he can finally be close to anakin agan after all this time? #or i shouldnt say happy but im not sure what that feeling is #anyway im glad i finally drew this bc its been pingponging in my head for probably a month now

[ganondoodle]

so, inspired by the warm welcome the captain received with that rough doodle i posted, i made an updated design for Ki'ita as well (basic and with clothes)

i removed the piercings she had bc considering that they spend the majority of their time in arctic waters i think having metal directly in your skin is a bad idea, no matter how thick your blubber is; i also gave her typical white markings a green hue bc ... i liked how it looked and makes them stand out a little more

(i will not repeat what i wrote on the post about the captain but wanted to add a bit of more info about Ki'ita herself)

(i dont have ALL of their backstory done yet but) the captain and Ki'ita worked together in another organization, one in which the father of the captains child also worked at, before being betrayed and barely managing to escape, after which the both of them founded their pirate crew (possible name is the Solar Pirates bc of their solar powered boat stuff); since the captain had her daughter shortly afterwards Ki'ita managed most of the organisational matters at first, including the construction of their base on an abandoned island they had initially fled to

over the years they invented the solar powered ships that allowed them to gain control over a large part of an important trade route, leaving normal ships (mostly) alone but attacking those of hunters and similar, rescuing demons and mutants, even some humans from them, most of which also join the crew and it quickly lead to them becoming their own little community

Ki'ita does not like to spend alot of time among large groups of people, no matter how much she cares about them, and her originally being from norther lands gave her the idea to explore, and if viable, do underground missions in those norther areas to disrupt the infrastructure the hunters had built in recent years and overall keep the crew informed about things that may otherwise stay hidden; with each of their travels her time absent from the base increased but the patience of the captain is wearing thin so its likely a serious talk is underway on Ki'itas third solo mission she nearly died due to entanglement in abandoned nets made by hunters from an unknown material that she could not break, the massive scars on her tail especially come from that, only surviving bc the date they were supposed to return to the crew had passed and the captain grew to worried about her and made the entire crew rush into an emergency search, including the captain herself and her toddler, who were not suited for the cold climate just like the rest of crew, taking a huge risk that Ki'ita still feels ashamed of for causing; they stayed within the base for a whole year afterwards, not just to recover but also as a silent apology, taking time preparing herself to ensure theyd not get into a situation like that again

(before departing on their next mission the captain gifted her a sword with the blade made from the material of the net, a wooden handle, bc of the cold, and a blue wrap around it reminiscent of the captains striking blue teeth; a reminder of what had happened, a means to defend herself when their strength and teeth are not enough, and also a promise to always return again)

the oldest members of the crew know Ki'ita well and treat her like an old friend, among the newer members she has more of a .. cryptic status, the mysteriously absent vice-captain who only appears every few months or so out of thin air, throws a big party, sleeps for a few days and then vanishes again, the only hint to when they will return soon again being the captain getting noticably grumpier

(OC art, Ki'ita, she/they)

#ganondoodles #art #oc #original art #artists on tumblr #original character #character design #monster #man why do i keep writing such long texts #its not even that much i wrote here!! #sorry for the long post #idk if its good to write more about my ocs maybe i shouldnt? might make the post less rebloggable with so much text on it idk #right now im thinking about them actually having a kid together later on but i havent decided yet #their relationship is kinda out of the norm i guess #neither ever said they were in a relationship and neither does the crew know #and they are not overtly like a typical pair in love kinda thing #its hard to explain #they do love each other but its like super private while also not?? #like they never say publicly that they love each other nor kiss #but when youd hear the news that the captains having another child and its from kiita youd be like yup that makes sense #(also her nickname is Kiki but only the captain knows that) #ANYWAY #sorry for this sudden disconnected oc spam #i love these lads #and im so happy i got their design down more coherently #i spent over and hour writing all this argh i wanted to get more sleep for once damn it #just now noticed i fked up kiitas arm there #man #dont draw when you are tired and need to sleep kids

[metukika]

is it selfish to just want to look at the blue sky?

#there were so many quotes i could pick but i deleted the mini list i made like an idiot #a bit corny a bit cringe but hmmm #maybe i shouldnt have added the lyrics? #Yorushika - Hitchcock and Say It for anyone wondering #shigeo kageyama #reigen arataka #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #metukikart #i suppose

[shepherdenjoyer]

crufts 2024 best of breed belgian shepherds. groenendael, laekenois, malinois and tervuren.

#crufts24 #pics #mine #not much to say im not an in depth conformation person... i like the laek but not terribly happy overall #mal could've been nice maybe if it wasnt so stressed out. #and the way it was held while being observed by the judge can't have helped. same w the groen #its easy to miss and idk maybe those things are acceptable in the show world #but it makes me angry. im sure there's better ways to go about having to keep a dog in one spot #and if they really cant handle being observed by a judge then they probably shouldnt be bob and theres no shame in that

[umblrspectrum]

how familiar

#yea i got lazy and technically didnt shade all of her #bite me #i have unlocked so much raw power by not limiting myself to almost exclusively sharp edges #this looked a lot better in my head #i spent 4 hours on this god im tired #my layers are a fucking mess #maybe i shouldnt host all my drawings on the same file #art #artwork #murder drones #murder drones uzi #murder drones uzi solver #murder drones n #serial designation n #murder drones v #serial designation v #murder drones skig #!!!!!!!!!!! #god i fucking love skig so much #when is uzi allowed to say the fuck word

[obihoe]

naruto in that waterfall scene truly was like. the villagers have shunned me all my life and now they love me but its all fake cuz they just love me for what i have done to protect the village i HATE those fuckers, they can shove their autograph requests up their dumb asses and then he is like. well i got the solution. to solve all this hatred. to dissolve it and cure it. i'll just keep trying to become who they want me to be, if i manage to be the person THEY want me to be, they will love me and i'll keep their approval. this is the solution to all my problems ^_^ and then he like, hugs his dark self and it dissolves and the whole thing is done its like sfdfdgdgfs. okay, way to repress ur own feelings and do the exact same thing that youve already Been doing all ur life so far LOL. literally victim-blaming ur own self for what others have put u thru but alright. 👍

#naruto #posts #takes that are news to literally nobody here but yeah .. #its like 'i just have to be strong and be positive ^_^ just like that killer bee guy' #which like yeah cool that killer bee kept his cool all this time and just remained chipper but still. #its not his and neither naruto's fault that he was hated and ostracized all this time. lol #it shouldnt be Their responsibility to just be cool with it. and/or make it better #ANYWAY. this is all obvious but yeah #i also do have to say i kind of like the way killer bee's story of how he grew up was presented. nevertheless #cuz he's just like yo yo yo check out these cool rhymes 😎😎 while everyone throws like tomatoes at him or smth. asfsfdgds #like he just cannot be bothered #even when motoi his friend opens up to him abt hsving tried to murder him (which is like huh?? okay. youre scared #of the eight tails so youre just gonna ATTACK his jinchuuriki? w a silly little kunai as well like okay???) #anyway but his friend tells him he secretly hated him and wanted him gone and he's like whatever man 😎 give me ur fist #we are best bros forever like sfsdsfsfs #its kinda cool i think. like u COULD maybe frame this as 'ppl are going to treat u however they choose but if u just stick to urself #and know who u are. u have worth independent of them. believe in ur own strength cuz youre FUCKING cool and youre YOU #nobody can take that away from u. even if they throw eggs at u' or smth then that would be great!! #but no its framed more as 'well u just have to keep being nice and take it and believe that u can become better #so that they will love u' ... which is :[ like naruto bbygirl fuck those villagers .. u are worthy no matter what they say #ANYWAY. lol #killer bee

[rebp1lled]

tcc meetup and we all just sit on a large comfy bed and play with plushies :3

#why are there like no tcc people near me. #im in philly btw :3 #maybe i shouldnt say where i live #whatever idc ^_^

[radiocity]

THE L WORD | S1E2 I was just wondering if you had those, uh... you know, those– those… sweet little figs?

#the l word #shane mccutcheon #lara perkins #kate moennig #lauren lee smith #i tried to add subs onto these gifs and let me just say maybe i shouldnt try to edit subs onto gifs when im coming off local anaesthesia #i am ok my feet are just in pain #will i ever move on from season 1 and that one bike episode in s5 lets find out together #oh my god i need to gif molly fuck it all #I NEED JENNY #why did she do this

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the doctor isnt neurodivergent or autistic or adhd or nonbinary or genderqueer or asexual. what the doctor is, is Not From Here

#which necessarily of course says something abt their (non)whiteness #(i had all these words in quotation marks first so mentally add those to whiteness too) #but we've them be black for all of 1.5 episode now so #lets see how that develops you know #also i dont think i understand the politics of that part well enough to say much abt it #not that i probably understand the politics of these parts better but #im annoyed enough abt this Thing happening these years. in these 20s i guess. the 'representation' thing #to complain abt it anyway #the dsm isnt real and it isnt gonna fuck you buddy #maybe i'll read some books and then one day i'll write an essay driven by spite and pettiness #i wonder if i can make the thesis statement about the tension between their status of main character #in a 60 year running family adventure show vs this therapy thing we're doing now #like. you cant do that. in terms of like. what story is and does. what a character is and does. it strains #in an interesting way. like im not saying they Shouldnt have done it. im just observing. that you cant do that really. i think #or maybe you can! but i'll find that out #i also dont know shit abt narratology or whatever so. need to read books first. sigh #always have to pause my thoughts to read myself in first its so annoying. esp bc i rarely really do #bc then new thoughts new things to do you cant do EVERYTHING. you can do almost nothing. bane of my existence really #but like you might even be able to say smth interesting here about whether you can call them traumatised at all #remember that article i saw around on tumblr a few years ago i think that was abt like. some scholar in the middle east maybe #saying that ptsd is a western thing bc it necessitates a Post #all of this is western. psychiatry is western. its all stories. how you conceptualise trauma is a story #whos Other is story #where youre from is a story what you stand for is a story who you are is a story #ah. checked the article. dr samah jabr. palestinian. i'll start with her book maybe

[avengerphobic]

not inspired by anything recent but sometimes you people will just not read anything but white men when you're reading comics and it really shows how little you care about women/poc

#look maybe i shouldnt say anything because im king white woman hater but like you have got to read poc #you cant be like well i dont connect to these characters because you're not making the effort #and you cant be like well they arent in as much because Yeah because you people wont read them thats why they arent in anything

[toubledrouble]

You know what we should bring back?

Older christianity. I mean the anti government, anti military, community based christianity. The one that cared the most about peace, equality, mercy, kindness, and radical love. The one with shared property. The one that didn't conform to society but instead existed mostly outside of it. The one where noone considered one sin worse than another because in the end, we are all sinners trying our best to be better.

#“progressive christians are ignoring the bible except for ”love thy neighbour“” #yeah well LOVE OVER VERSES #quit it. im tired of this. just. can we just be nice to everyone?? please?? peace and love on planet earth?? #“being gay is a sin tho” “wow this is so immodest” do i look like i care? does jesus look like he cares? i dont think so. #go stab out your eye or smth if you wanna live by the law so badly huh??? #funny how suddenly it isnt literal and shouldnt be done because humanity learned and grew since that was written #*points to the verses used to justify homophobia* i mean literally this whole concept changed since then it isnt even the same thing #screaming at the top of my lungs while punching the wall like please please dont cherry pick the bible #“*blank* is a sin” do you like seafood tho?? is your clothing from mixed fabrics?? did you shave?? #im just saying that maybe you should let the spirit guide you instead of following the law blindly. what do i know tho. im just a stranger. #queer christian #progressive christianity #i guess?? #my religious rants #leftist christianity? anarchist christianity? i do not know??

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,

if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."

i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,

i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason

#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions #ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person #if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully #that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is #not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion #yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something #like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi' #I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad #honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner #and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion #and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully) #but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ? #im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them' #have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf #its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!' #LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333 #ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious. #MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions #ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol #being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless #but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy #and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize #ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people #so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3 #i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE #watch nobody read this fr #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #meows post

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 289

you know that episode of steven universe where ruby and sapphire are fighting because sapphire distances herself emotionally from her immediate surroundings in favor of looking at the big picture and ruby is focused on her emotional reaction to the immediate problems that surround them?

yeah dude

#day 289 #year 3 #aradia megido #jade harley #homestuck #arajade #they have. issues! #problems occur and aradia thinks she is being very comforting and level-headed about it all #but literally everything she says and does just further infuriates jade because to all appearances aradia doesnt seem to care #and SOMEONE has to fix the problem so it might as well be jade herself! #and the fact that aradia DOESNT share that impulse to take responsibility for the problems around her? #strikes jade as kind of careless and even selfish! #and maybe it is sometimes #meanwhile aradia thinks jade is getting awfully worked up about things that really dont need to be her problem and wow isnt that silly #i feel like she can end up being quite dismissive of others emotions #even though it really DOES matter to her that she treats others with kindness. she just thinks that redirecting peoples focus to like #THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS where their problems are rendered very small and unmeaningful #IS an act of kindness. because she finds that distance comforting so why shouldnt everyone else? #basically. #aradia optimistic nihilism vs jade optimistic existentialism: FIGHT

[littlelightfish]

The hearts don't mean he is in love with no one. The problem with English is how vague of the word love is in his meaning. It envolves different kinds of caring in one single word. But I'll try to express here what I mean.

He cares, as a person, about everyone. This is a basic level of love that he haves towards everybody. He doesn't want anyone to actually die, that's what I mean. He doesn't necesarily cares about someone, but he loves them enough to not want them to die.

He starts befriending someone and gets to know it. He starts liking things about them and disliking others. He starts loving this people in another way, we'll call it liking. This is more a get-to-know phase he doesn't always like. The less he knows, the less reasons to get attached get attached he has. I think this are the kind of love the hearts show in the image. He has to make sure to keep a balance between how much he loves and how much he let's himself be loved. He doesn't want to have misunderstandings. He is in constant fear of "what if I made them love me more and they care more?"

And then it comes the deeply care that love is in the non-romantic way. This care a (good) parent has for his babies. The love that makes people suffer emotionally in an absolute different way from what it could be a heartbreak or a misunderstanding between friends. If something happens to the loved one, the pain is unbearable. It's one of the worst things rhat can happen. And Chilchuck knows this, he is father of three daughters, and his wife left him. She left, he knows the pain it is to come home and find it empty when there should be someone. He knows the guilt it comes with failing those loved ones. The shame. He doesn't like being this vulnerable. This love makes him suffer like no other does. So he is very very carefull of how much he allows himself to care about someone so he won't get to love like this.

He draws a line between work and private life because his private life envolves love and deep care, and he doesn't want to love nor care like this for people who's job is to constantly risk their lifes. He doesn't want to feel the anguish, he doesn't want to feel the loneliness it will come after the unenviable separation of the party.

He tries his best to not get attached to people. To not let people get attached to him. But he fails. He fails and falls downstairs with a whole drum set.

He can't help but to care about this people. He can't help but to love this people he's been living with the past few weeks in the risking of their lifes. He tells himself he's doing this for money and that he doesn't care, but he does.

Those hearts don't mean anything other than him caring about them. He cares about Senshi. He cares about Marcille. He cares about Laios. About Itsuzumi. About Namari. He cares in a way that hurts. He loves this people. He doesn't want to even imagine a world in where they are gone, or suffering, or in problems. They're his friends, they're something he, unwillingly, accepts as family.

He cares about Falin and Mickbell because he doesn't want them dead. He doesn't feel any anguish toward if they do or not get hurt after they're out of his sight. Sure, he cares, but he can live without thinking about them the rest of his days. It doesn't happen like that with Laios. He can't just simply let Laios go and follow Fallin just after he recover consciousness from a punch in the gut. Was it Mickbell, he would let him if he really didn't wanted. But Laios didn't wanted to sit and wait, and he had to care. He had to verbalize to himself that he cared. He had to let them know, so they would act accordingly. So they won't get themselves killed like idiots.

He doesn't want others to fall in romantic love with him. He doesn't feel romantic love towards anyone either. He isn't the man for this kind of love. He is, in fact, afraid of it. He doesn't want to fall in love, because he's still in love with his wife. She left him because he was negligent. But since when has this become the definitive stop for love? Chilchuck knows his wife is angry at him, and she has all the reason to be so! His husband, the one she loved and cared for, gets himself in dangerous situations, treats his body poorly and almost never is home. She loves him, and it hurts her to love like this, so she leaves. Like this she won't have to look at him get himself mistreated like he does. She would have the pull in her's stomach that tells her that he could be in great danger, that she could become a widow, but she tries to calm it with his daughter's mail to him. He could never. He can't imagine a world in wich they cease to exist. A world without his wife, even if she distanced herself, without his daughters, would be a world worthless of living. He knows this. Because he cares and he loves in such a deep level that he is scared of loving anyone else like this. To become so vulnerable to emotion. This vulnerable to something bad happening.

The fact that he is so afraid of loosing his wife, even after she left him, says a lot. He still cares about her. He is still in love with her. He wants to go back to what it was before, but he can't and he know its his fault. And he respects his wife's distance because he loves her. Now, he doesn't love her in the movie way, he isnt in love like a teenager would to his first girlfriend, he doesn't want to kiss her, or hug her, or be by her side at all moments of the day. He loves her. He cares about her deeply, deeply enough that he doesn't need to be by her side to care, to love. He also respects her. He can survive without her because he knows she's better with his daughter. For sure he wants to hug, kiss and be by the side of this person he loves, it would be ideal, but he can survive without thinking about it too much. It's just like with his daughters. They're all adults that now live far from him. And he is ok with it now. He sends mail and recieves mail, and even if he misses greatly, he can manage not to think about it. Because he knows she is allright. Because he knows he fucked up. He doesn't know where he fuked up, but for his wife to leave him, at least he knows he did. They never talked about it, because they both seem to have a problem in expressing themselves. She fell into a bad mood and then she disappeared. The amount of pain he must have felt it's... let's say it's quite big.

He keeps his guard up. He doesn't want to love deeply anyone. He doesn't want to feel the emptiness, the hurt, that comes after someone so dear leaves. He knows for a fact he'll be leaving this people. He knows that they could die. If he loves, it will hurt in a way nothing else hurts. He will miss. He doesn't like missing people he cares like this. This is why he doesn't want to love. This is why he doesn't want to be loved. This is why those hearts that are almost full are his main source of concern. This is why he makes the effort to keep this feelings at bay, to love only in the friendly way and with extreme caution.

But he can't controll his own love. And he ends up caring more and more about these people. He slowly makes him a part of the dangerous love zone that family means. He is afraid to confuse someone about his feelings towards them, so he still tries to maintain distance with his abusive remarks, but this only works so far. He loves and is loved. And because of this he will suffer.

I... I extended myself a bit I see...

#i dont even know what im talking about anymore #but i hope i made sense #as an aroace i feel the need of being extra cautious about how people think of my relationship with them #because I dont want them to like me romantically #i want friendship #because its so uncomfortablr #not #love #so this Chil here is basically me trying to figure out if saying certain things could be considered flirting or not by the other #i shouldnt care #it isnt my fault if they do fall in love with me #but i would be happier if they didnt #to know someone is in love wirh you #and that you dont love him back #but youre still friends #so youre friends but the other wants to be more than that #and to avoid that i gotta measure every interaction #maybe im a bit paranoid #but it has happened to me to have friends fall in love with me #and i dont want to hurt their feelongs but i definitely dont lovs rhem bacj #because i care abkut them in a friendly way #and i don't want them to suffer because of me. but I dont want to suffer because of them either #its all way to complicated? yes bit thing is that chil here represents me interacting with my friends #but in my case the hearts would be romantic #dungeon meshi #chilchuck #chilchuck tims #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi spoilers #my shit