#its only that i see the hate is disproportionate in only one direction | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heraldofcrow · 1 month

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Remember that one Tumblr thread where one person writes a huge rant about how much they hate Olaf the Snowman that gets progressively more insane and as if wasn't cursed enough someone responded with "I'd have less problem with this post if Olaf wasn't queer-coded"? Imagine this exchange but it's Ciaran writing ungodly long hateful rant about Smough an Gwyndolin's only reaction is "I'd have less problem with this post if Smough wasn't queer etc" idk

Ciaran: God I fucking hate Smough the Executioner so fucking much holy shit. Holy shit, every room he's in, every painting, every hallway, every execution ceremony, he's got this painfully vacant, stupid as shit, fuckass look on his stupid tiny face. Absolutely no part of his ugly as sin piece of shit armor design is endearing. His stupid fucking hammer? Who the hell uses a hammer for executions. His dumb flaily fucking disproportionate arms? His shitty, tiny bastard head? The three thousand percent unnecessary dumbass shitass fucking FAKE ARMOR BREASTS that no knight has EVER FUCKING HAD IN tHE HISTORY OF GWYN'S GREEN FUCKING EARTH? God, I hate him. I hate him so much. So FUCKING much. Every time I see a marble-carved statue Smough or a Smough painting or a shitty goddamn stained-glass portrait, it ignites my primal rage response and I'm overcome by the need to punt this shitty little homunculus into the fucking sun. "Bhurr blur, I'm Smough the fuckshit executioner fucker, I like eating people’s bones". Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. You look like the Covetous Demon summoned a patronus. Your dumb fucking double-faced armor makes your whole shitty head look like a bulging skin tag. I hate your dumb fucking muffled perv laugh and your stupid, empty googly eyes and your over-the-top goofy ass jealous brown-nosing cannibal personality. Any time he's sad it invokes all the wrath and fury of a spoiled child having a meltdown over an Estus bar in a H*llowmart checkout line. And I know its irrational. That's the worst part. I know he's just a shitty fucking executioner in a stupid fucking different part of the castle, I know it doesn't matter, I know I shouldn't care. But that's part of the problem. The part where no matter the might and fury of my hatred, the locus of my homicidal intent is alltogether inconsequential. I find myself laying awake in the dark in the early hours of the morning consumed by the spirit of Chaos itself, all the force and might of a flaming hurricane directed at a bottle of piss in a ditch by the roadway. The absurdity of it all burns me to my core. What better things could this energy be directed towards? And yet my disdain for this stupid, useless, insubstantial failure of endearing armor design utterly eclipses the intrigue of all other pursuits. I hate him. I hate him on a level of my mind reserved for the worst of the world's array of sinners, and I can't even begin to justify it. Shitstick the Smough dick is, for all intents and purposes, the animated corpse of all of humanity's saccharine pretenses- every condescending, passive-aggressive statement of meaningless upper middle class Lordranian drama distilled into a single, hateable form. The fucking. Fuck. I have no words. There is no curse or epithet in any language that can encapsulate the height of the emotions I am experiencing. God, I hate him so much. I hate him so, so fucking much. I want to light his ugly little dumpster body on fire. I want to graphically beat him to death with his own stupid fucking hammer. I want to punch him to death. You know that weird feeling you get, when you see a picture of something so cute you find yourself overcome with the bizarre, inexplicable urge to squeeze it? It's EXACTLY like that, except instead of cuteness it's disgust. The wordless knowledge that his existence as a king’s executioner is evidence of all the failures of godkind. I find myself possessed by the will of a Holy Lord’s Blade gone rogue with the belief that Gwyn has made a mistake, and I alone must correct it. This is the trial by which Seath himself fell from grace. This wild, meaningless rage. A thousand blades of shining steel cast with inhuman force in the direction of a burlap travel sack floating on a breeze. What horrors must I have committed in a past life to be plagued by this torment now? I must Unmake this fake ass executioner.

Ornstein: holy shit you’re not wrong

Gwyndolin: I'd feel better about this whole rant if Smough weren't possibly queer. It might be largely the voice – the laugh, the inflection especially – but he's got massive "Ornstein’s gay sidekick" vibes. And if you're actively critiquing that? Sure, great, go all out. Hate whom you will. Say whatever you want about how "gay" is equated with "Ornstein’s silly sidekick used for hammer comedy, with no serious bearing on anything, literally human and treated by Serious God Co-workers as... well,a sidekick, peripheral to your life and safe to ignore.

But if you're not engaging critically with that aspect of Smough and are just overwhelmed with hatred whenever you see or hear or think about the possibly queer executioner and his mannerisms make you feel violent, that is a little bit. Uncomfortable. At best.

Ciaran: what on Gwyn’s green earth are you talking about

Artorias: See sometimes I wonder why I still haven’t left to battle the Abyss yet, and then conversations like this come along. Amazing.

Gough:

—

Original Post

#DRSTFYAGHU #YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELF #I WILL TAKE ANY CHANCE TO MAKE DS BLORBO HELLPOSTS LOLL #smough the executioner #lord’s blade ciaran #knight artorias #dragonslayer ornstein #hawkeye gough #dark sun gwyndolin #dark souls #silly post #asks #mutuals

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lordsovorn · 4 months

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Horror of Shapes

I am OBSESSED with borders and angles, with the language of shape and form.

There is nothing quite like the admiration I feel for the art of dissecting and then reassembling the core sensory components of different things.

I do not mean cosmetic coatings or costumes. I do not mean stiching together equally recognisable, pure parts, like a griffin or a furry. No, I mean the shapes and borders, the silhoette, the weight, the sound envelope, the motion, all talking directly with your reptile brain - and saying different things. Using the language of recognisable forms - but mixing them to say something new. And more often than not, something disturbing.

Our brains don't like things between categories. If they are absurd enough, that's funny, that's just a combination of normal things - but if the contradicting parts are interwoven properly, that's just... real. A wrong, stressful kind of real that doesn't contradict itself, but rather, contradicts our deeply ingrained sensory and emotional catergories.

So it's not at all surprising that this kind of shape mixing - successful or not - is especially common in horror media.

One shape speaks human, and the other doesn't. And it is moving in your direction.

...

For example.

...

And that's why we're all here - to talk about the Stalker from Amnesia: The Bunker a bit.

(Medium-heavy spoilers for Amnesia: The Bunker)

(I'm discussing in detail the design of THE monster of the game. You'll hardly get a good look at it normally, and I will also inevitably reference its nature a bit. Without any story or gameplay spoilers)

...

When you think of the Beast and its defining shapes, what comes to mind first?

Long, terrifying claws? Rows of needle-like teeth? A twisted, contorted visage, from which a snarl of unprecedented hate emanates?

I think of its neck. I'm in love with that fucked up neck as a subtle, yet powerful design choice. If you're surprised you've never really noticed it - google its model and marvel at the huge, thick, long neck of the Beast.

And think for a moment what it means in terms of silhoette.

...

The unnatural length of the neck is invisible from the front - the direction you're most likely to *really look* at the creature when you are cornered and have to shoot. When it stands up to howl before dashing, it keeps its inflexible neck behind the head as well - but the head appears disjointed and disproportionate, moving in a way it's not supposed to in a humanoid creature.

The Beast is quite front-heavy - with huge claws and massive head. This is only emphasized by the perspective trick at play - the head looks bigger because it is actually closer to you than you think, thanks to the neck.

From the front it looks humanoid, like a monstrous gorilla, standing on its knuckles. But when you look at it from the side, while it crawls along the half-lit corridors, you see just have elongated it is. The neck ruins the humanoid silhouette, breaks the shoulder line, lowers the head and emphasizes the arched back, creating an image of a predatory, confident beast.

But the two bayonets sticking out of its spine disrupt even this image. Of course, you're unlikely to even distinguish that those are bayonets in normal circumstances - it's just two strange spikes, breaking up the smooth line of the predator.

...

The back is different too - it is the least deformed part of the creature. Its legs are almost... normal, in the proportions at least, and it's from this angle that you clearly see the ragged remains of torn clothing on a disturbingly hunched back.

It kind of makes sense that from the least dangerous angle in the gameplay sense, the Beast looks the least threatening. Almost like a big, awkward, miserable human - more comfortable with this part of itself than with the huge claws in the front, but incapable of balancing itself any other way.

...

The claws deserve attention too, as they are the first thing you see as it reaches out from its burrow. They are grotesque in their absurd size, that suggests something huge is about to emerge from this tiny hole.

They are bigger than they have any reason to be - it is very clear how awkward moving with them is, as the Beast constantly switches between full-palm run, knuckle-walk and standing on its two legs.

It is the claws that disrupt the "beast vs human" duality - no beast needs such unwieldy claws that are good only for killing. No beast prowls constantly and leaves dismembered, not eaten corpses. No beast constantly vocalizes its anger and frustration in uncontained growls and hisses as it hunts.

...

Finally, this contradiction is also true for left vs right, as the right half of its face is torn and twisted into an almost crocodile-like form. This lateral assymetry, visible also in its uneven shoulders, sends a very clear message - sickness.

Nature is symmetrical - this monstrocity isn't. It is distinctly not natural - not even in terms of lore, but in terms of basic shape language.

Normally, the game does an exceptional job of hiding the Beast - even when it kills you. This contradiction of unwieldy mass, dangerous length and terrifying speed; of awkwardly human, confidently bestial and sadistically demonic never goes away - precisely because the Beasts' very proportions read differently from different angles.

...

Devs at Frictional seem to have been searching for this image for quite some time. The contradiction of human and unnaturally demonic is visible in the concept art of The Dark Descent, but, I dare say, not in the game itself, where enemies look like wax torture mannequins.

A Machine for Pigs tried to do it more explicitly, but failed to properly bind together the disparate shapes, and instead created ugly furries. SOMA did monster design wonderfully, utilizing the strengths of the engine and avoiding its weaknesses - but, of course, not in THAT way. While Rebirth put the horror of shapes back a bit, focusing on ramifications and pacing.

The Bunker seems to be the culmination of this search - a rather elegant solution, one that must have taken a lot of time to get just right. And in the end it is not just simple - it is persistently hidden.

It is the culmination for Frictional of the art of hiding the monster, while letting the shapes do their thing - speak terror into your mind in the most basic language possible.

#amnesia the bunker #amnesia #the bunker #frictional games #horror #horror games #monster #game design

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beardedmrbean · 2 years

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After nearly two years of attacks on Asian Americans, the community is mourning another victim.

On Jan. 16, Michelle Alyssa Go, who was of Asian descent, was pushed to her death in front of a subway train at New York's Times Square station. The man believed responsible fled the scene but turned himself in to transit police a short time later, Police Commissioner Keechant Sewell said at a news conference at the station.

As of now, the tragedy is not considered a hate crime, according to police. Yet the incident still leaves some Asian Americans reeling and once again wondering: Am I next?

Go's death follows a trend of violence against Asians and Asian Americans exacerbated by the pandemic. Stop AAPI Hate, a group that tracks discrimination and xenophobia against Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders, documented more than 10,300 anti-Asian hate incidents from March 19, 2020 to Sept. 30, 2021. In New York alone, the Hate Crime Task Force reported a 233% increase in subway incidents targeting Asians in 2021.

"The pandemic is still continuing, so people are angry and frustrated and still blaming Asians for it," says Russell Jeung, a sociologist and co-founder of Stop AAPI Hate. "People are mourning, clearly upset so they're directing all of that towards Asians. That why we continue to see racism even in 2022: It's the long-term historic racism that has just been unleashed."

Though much progress has been made by activist groups like Stop AAPI Hate, some are wondering: When will it stop and where is the passion for the Stop Asian Hate movement now?

Michelle Go's death may not be a hate crime. But Asians are still living in fear.

Police officials said Go's killing, including whether it was a hate crime, is still under investigation, but they noted the first woman whom the assailant allegedly approached was not Asian.

Go's death has still had a chilling effect on the AAPI community, which continues to face verbal assault, harassment and even violence. According to Stop AAPI Hate's most recent survey, nearly one in five Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders experienced a hate incident in the past year, despite only making up 7.2% of the U.S. population.

"Not to say everything is racially motivated, but we understand there's a broader context of anti-Asian hate currently," Jeung says, pointing to numerous "random" attacks on Asians including Yao Pan Ma, a 61-year-old man who died on New Year's Eve from injuries during an attack last spring, and Vilma Kari, a Filipino immigrant who was brutally kicked by an assailant who allegedly said "You don't belong here."

"In that context of racism and fear, any kind of violence against us triggers and reminds us that we’re considered outsiders or threats. So when we see an elder attacked, we think, 'That could've been my mom or grandmother,' and we collectively experience it," Jeung says. "It seems random but it's not in that it could've been any Asian, and that's part of the racial trauma."

Experts say even just witnessing violence can lead to trauma, which can cause a range of debilitating mental and physical health effects. But for Asian women, the trauma is complex as it is often layered with racism, sexism and hyper-sexualization.

"Obviously there are safety issues and members of our community are much more vulnerable, but we have to recognize that Asian women are experiencing harassment and discrimination at disproportionate rates, and it's happening in public places: on the streets, on the sidewalks. It's a serious issue," says Cynthia Choi, co-executive director of Chinese for Affirmative Action and co-founder of Stop AAPI Hate.

It's not a moment. It's a movement.

In response to the thousands of hate crimes and incidents across the country, groups like Stop AAPI Hate have been advocating for change – both on a social and political scale.

During its height, there were benefit concerts and rallies spreading the message of Stop AAPI Hate. However, Choi reassures that Stop Asian Hate isn't just a social media trend that is waning in interest: It's a movement.

"These feelings of fear are so real and so valid, and the trauma has been devastating. And yet I wake up every day and I do have hope, because I look back and think about our history, and we've overcome so much," she says.

In the last two years, progress has been made: President Joe Biden passed a hate crimes bill into law to address a drastic increase in violence and discrimination directed at Asian Americans; the Stop Asian Hate movement provided a collective voice for Asians to stand up for racial justice; and organizations have attempted to shed light onto the issue including American Girl, who unveiled its first Chinese American "Girl of the Year" earlier this month.

"We've overcome legal discrimination, mass violence, discriminatory treatment, and we have resisted, fought back and it's our movement to advance social change," Choi says. "It's a reminder that those who hate depend on us to give up, to feel it's never ending."

Jeung agrees, adding that Stop AAPI Hate will continue to push for more long-term, systemic changes.

"We're concerned it's just a moment, but what we want to do is build a movement. That's why promoting education is important: It continues to raise people's consciousness and make them develop racial empathy," he says.

"I'm not so concerned about performative efforts. Stop AAPI Hate is thinking about long-term solutions to push policies and make institutional changes."

How to cope with racial trauma

Michi Fu, a professor and licensed psychologist who specializes in cross-cultural and international mental health, said speaking about trauma can be important to cope as it helps someone feel supported and validated.

For those experiencing trauma, Fu suggested:

Know it's not you. "Racism and discrimination chip away at our inherent sense of worth," she said.

Make your safety paramount. "If provoked or attacked either online or in person, try your best to take a moment and decide how you want to engage," she said. "Your physical safety and emotional sanity are the most important."

Join communities. During the pandemic, online communities are a way to connect with "like minded folks for support."

Process your feelings with trusted friends, family or therapist. "Ideally, someone who understands and empathizes with your experience specifically as it relates to racism and discrimination."

Do things that bring you joy. This can include "unabashed self-care" or activities like cooking and dancing.

If you have the energy or capacity, find a purpose. This could be donating to a cause, organizing and advocating.

#nunyas news #stop asian hate #asian lives matter #also if you really need to ask why it's not talked about as much #you need to open your eyes a bit better

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sometimes-men-need-help-too · 3 years

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What does modern feminism do that you don't agree with? This is genuine btw

A couple things before I start:

- This is not meant to bash all the feminists out there unless they fit into what I’m saying. I know there are good feminists out there

- When I say ‘you’ I’m not meaning you, I’m saying it in a general way

-I hope I get my point across and it’s clear. I sometimes struggle with that

Also I’m sorry this is so long and it’s in no particular order and I hope none of this comes across as being aggressive or anything

A lot of my issues with the movement boils down to attitudes. To me, that is very telling of its true colors. And I do try not to necessarily judge an entire movement from just the bad people because I know that isn’t fair, although I do feel like the bad feminists have taken over the movement and end up drowning out the good voices and that’s why we hear more negativity than positivity.

One thing that I have issue with the lack of respect towards those that disagree whether it’s with the movement itself or it’s a particular thing. For a movement that preaches about a woman’s choice, I don’t feel that really happens like it should. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong here but depending on what the topic is I get a general impression like you’re not really supposed to disagree with what’s being side. You do and you might have someone lash out at you (that’s another point I have). Or if you say you’re anti feminist, you have people coming up with these reasons why they think you are; one being internalized misogyny and you get called a pick-me which I find a bit insulting. I should be able to have an opinion without someone assuming I’m trying to get a man’s attention or I can’t think for myself or I hate other girls. That isn’t it! Wouldn’t you think that is misogynistic?

And if it’s not internalized misogyny, then there are other factors; her being white (which usually then goes on to sound racist) or it’s because she has money or internalized racism or whatever they come up with. And it sounds condescending and that just bugs me. Hey, maybe instead of some underlying reason, we just don’t agree.

or you have people try to stick the label on anyway.

‘If you believe in equality you’re a feminist’

The label means nothing. I don’t understand why some will focus on this so much. I don’t want to be called a feminist. I don’t need to. In the same way, it’s not necessary for me to refer to myself as an MRA (men’s rights activist). And yeah, I know this says it’s an “MRA blog” that’s what I had when I started. But ultimately, the label isn’t important. I’m all for equality. It’s cool, it’s great. But I see this sort of thing (online that is) being forced on people and the thing is, with that wording it makes it sound like the movement is all inclusive when it’s not. You have to have certain politics and for the most part (unless you’re a religious feminist) you have to be pro choice otherwise you’re not a ‘real’ feminist.

My next issue is all the aggression. You can just tell sometimes with how people respond online or if you catch a video that someone posted. And not only that, but how quickly people fall into name-calling or just all around acting like a child. And for the most it seems pretty acceptable to some because it keeps happening. It’s not hard to find on this site or otherwise. If you can’t communicate your opinions about something without having a fit or blocking someone (excluding if they just keep harassing you) then you’re not mature enough. That shows me you don’t really care about having a real discussion. And some can say that it happening on here is probably done by teenagers and to an extent they’re probably right. But it happens on other sites and in real life as well and it’s more than just teens. It’s people my age and older and that’s not cool.

And then we have how some like to ignore the differences between men and women. Sure, yes, there are many things a woman can do just like a man but we also have to acknowledge our differences. I don’t see a lot of that with some forms of feminism. STEM, for example, is something I would attribute the differences more to just how men and women tend to be rather than sexism. Could there be certain circumstances where it is sexism? Sure, I suppose you can’t rule it out entirely. Otherwise I would say it’s just what they’re happy doing. I know girls who are doing science stuff or business things but I also know girls who are going to be teachers or psychologists or nurses. It’s not that they're actively being told by everyone that they can’t do it(I suppose unless they live in some other country like that). That’s just what they want to do, you know, their choice. Just like how some men go towards a job like with computers or farming or they’re pre-school teachers or gynecologists.

I found an interesting fact (source will be posted below) that said women are actually preferred over men two-to-one for faculty positions. The study was done by psychologists from Cornell University with professors from 371 colleges/universities in the US. It also noted that: “recent national census-type studies showing that female Ph.D.s are disproportionately less likely to apply for tenure-track positions, yet when they do they are more likely to be hired, in some science fields approaching the two-to-one ratio revealed by Williams and Ceci.”

Yet, we need to ask ourselves honestly, how often do facts like these get passed around vs the idea that women are suffering from misogyny and therefore are unable to fully represent in STEM jobs?

The next thing I want to address is misandry. Now there are a good portion of people who don't think it exists or if it does, it's really not much of an issue because of the "power" and the "privilege" men have within society. And to me, I have a problem with that. If feminism is supposed to be for men as well, I would think they would want to combat misandry as well as misogyny. If someone really doesn't think it exists, I would suggest that the person really take a look at what goes on in real life and online that's directed towards men.

There's the whole "male tears" thing which is on coffee mugs and t-shirts. There's the kill all men/yes all men thing. All of which are supposed to be jokes and if a man says something about it he gets mocked for his "fragile masculinity"

That's just not okay. They're being immature and a bully which they usually try to justify (men have done this and that throughout history to women) but you just can't.

I found this article, this really really atrocious article. It's one of those open letter things and found on this feminist website (feminisminindia) and I almost believed it to be satire with how.... stereotypically Tumblr it was. I did research and looked at the info regarding the site and nope, it's a serious site. I'll post the article below but I'll also summarize it:

Basically this woman is telling the men in her life that she will not stop saying "men are trash or other radical feminist opinions." She's saying it because women and others have suffered so much at the hands of the patriarchy because they're not straight white men. She goes on to say:

So let’s establish: misandry isn’t real. Just like unicorns and heterophobia, misandry is a myth because it isn’t systematic or systemic. Unlike misogyny, cis men don’t face oppression purely based on their gender. While they may encounter instances of racism, homophobia and ableism, they are not dehumanised as a function of their gender identity (read: cis privilege).

That is wrong. Absolutely wrong. Misandry is real. "Cis" people do face oppression purely based on their gender. Anyone can. To deny that lacks understanding.

And the rest is just saying that: It is time to start hating on men-as-a-whole and starting celebrating the men that you are.

And: Because at the end of the day, feminists need men. Whether it’s because you wield structural power or because we genuinely value your existence, we need to band together to destroy ‘men’ because men are trash, but you, if you made it to the end of this, are probably not. Prove me right.

I would imagine this is a common viewpoint. And it's not a good one. If you genuinely think a whole group as a whole is bad you need to reexamine your thoughts. It's not "men" that are bad, it's the sexist people.

To wrap this up (I'm sure you might be tired of reading this lol); like I said, the attitudes play a huge part of it. Modern feminism, in my opinion, is just not good enough for me to say I agree with it and want to identify as one. I just can't

Here is the link to the feminist article: https://www.google.com/amp/s/feminisminindia.com/2020/09/23/men-are-trash-and-other-radical-feminist-opinions/%3famp

And here is the link for the STEM thing: https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2015/04/women-preferred-21-over-men-stem-faculty-positions

#mens rights #answered asks #i might have overdid this a bit....

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clustxr · 3 years

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actually. dream is a fuckin sore loser when it comes to competitions LMAO i would hate to win against him in mcc only for him to whine about how it’s unfair and “disproportionate […] statistically”

this got longer than expected so tl,dr: dream should suck it up and admit that he just isn’t very good at buildmart instead of bitching about it every time it gets played just because he isn’t guaranteed a spot on the leaderboard

this is about buildmart btw. like he’s all ”oh i can‘t focus it’s too hard to remember all of the stuff“ MEMORY IS JUST AS MUCH A SKILL AS PVP… and you have chat + teammates to help you out??? just bc pete (and specifically *pete only* and in just that one event) doesn’t always use those resources doesn’t mean that using them makes you automatically suck. fuckin complain about “but PETE doesn’t use them so i shouldnt need to!!“ sometimes people are better than you idk what to say. and sometimes you don’t always need to compare yourself to other people and use the most individually focused strategies possible in every game.

the REASON why dream thinks that buildmart sucks as a team communication game is because he doesn’t see it as one. he treats it like an individual game, so he gets its experience as an individual game, and then complains when it’s not working as an individual game. when it is very much a team communication game unless you are incredibly aware of the builds & needs of others without needing that verbal communication and have a good memory & rapid response time. when people like grian play buildmart, a large part of their success is reliant on teammates discussing needs, communicating priorities, and checking in with each other frequently in order to get builds done. this is highly effective, as seen in grian‘s teams’ consistent good placements in buildmart. however when you look at dream‘s efforts, he’s more focused on doing his own thing. i think if he instead learned how to direct his team in buildmart like he does in pvp oriented games (and take a leaf out of grian’s book strategy-wise) he could make a great leader and get a better score.

of course, buildmart doesn’t force teamwork like grid runners does, which is probably a source of frustration for dream (& others, no doubt) but honestly? yeah maybe it’s not strictly necessary but it certainly *helps* if you’re not fuckin insane at the game.

part of his rant which sort of confused me is the “i’m not bad at buildmart but i don’t like it, except i’ve never placed above grian and even with my best efforts i still haven’t won“ like no offense but maybe you ARE bad at it lol just admit that non-forced teamwork isn’t your strongest suit and go. there’s no shame in admitting that you just aren’t good at something! but insisting that you are, when you’re clearly *not*, is not going to help.

“there are ways for people who are worse to do good, but there’s not in buildmart”… the same could be said about other team based games like sot and grid runners imo. if you’re a good team there’s a chance that you might fuck it up with a game like buildmart but if you don’t have that teamwork then you won’t do well. that‘s the whole point of the game. and let’s be real here even with the occasional pop-off of a ”worse” team in another game it’s pretty much guaranteed to be the same outcome either way. and again buildmart is supposed to be something that challenges a pvp-oriented team (i.e. a standard dream mcc team) and forces them out of their comfort zone and puts them i an environment where the “worse” teams will almost certainly do better than them, or at least have a chance. in other words, buildmart is the pop-off *game* rather than a pop-off *moment*. it could actually make an impact on the leaderboard compared to the moments that a team would have in another game.

even way back in aug 2020 he had a tendency to whine about minor inconveniences. remember when 1.16 dropped and he tried to petition mojang to revert changes to fortress generation instead of a) continuing to speedrun in older versions, b) trying out 1.16 and getting used to the high amounts of resets/etc, c) figuring out new speedrunning strats or digging deeper into world generation to find a workaround to this problem, or d) waiting for someone else to do all of the work until new speedrunning strats were figured out that would revolutionize 1.16+ speedrunning and make a sub10 rsg igt wr possible? yeah. (i guarantee that if this happened nowadays, dream stans would be bitching about it too and dream antis would fucking hate it lmao.) at this point the tantrums just come with the guy i guess lol hell if i know what to do about it at the end of the day

#to be clear: i do not dislike the guy i just think his constant complaints about buildmart are annoying as fuck #and i strongly disagree with him on these points #and he’s being a baby about it lmao L #but ye all of this isnt meant to be taken super seriously i’m playing up my saltiness for the entertainment lol #i really am not that invested in it all #it’s just a lighthearted post #mcc #mcyt #minecraft championship #dreamwastaken #buildmart #dream neg /#(i dont rly think it is but just in case i guess)

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crusherthedoctor · 3 years

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Can we have some unpopular Sonic opinions?

I tried to cram in a lot, so I hope this satisfies you. :P I tried to stick to the ones that I haven't brought up quite as often, since by this point, we all know that I think IDW's storytelling is dire, SA2's story is overrated, X Eggman is an embarrassing portrayal (at least from season 2 onwards), Blaze shouldn't be handcuffed to Silver, Shadow's backstory had issues with or without the Black Arms, Neo Metal Sonic looks silly, etc. But anyway, here we go:

- Knuckles may be tricky to incorporate into plots that don't relate to Angel Island, but making him obsessed with his duties is no better than having him forget about Angel Island entirely.

- I like Marine, and never found her annoying. Oh, I understood what they were trying to do with her, but I honestly wasn't put off by her, and found her Aussie lingo more endearing if anything. Since her debut was during the period in my life where where I couldn't stand Sonic himself, I instead thought he was irritating (and hypocritical) for getting annoyed with her for doing shit he would often be guilty of.

- Silver is just as guilty of being shoehorned into games and plots as the Deadly Six are. Having more fans than the latter is irrelevant, since we're still talking about a character who constantly has to time travel in order to be present.

- Speaking of Silver, if he has to stick around, please do something different with him. They've pulled the doomed future routine multiple times now, and it's been boring every single time. I wasn't interested when it involved Iblis. I wasn't interested when it involved Knuckles drinking the edgy Kool Aid. I wasn't interested when it involved a council of dumbasses... give it a rest already.

- The Tails Doll can work as a mildly creepy thing, with maybe more to it than meets the eye when it's time for a boss fight or what have you. But the memes about him stealing your soul are just dumb, and I thought it was dumb even back in my teenage youth.

- “Eggman is supposed to be clownish!” Yeah, well he's also meant to be a genuine villain with a 300 IQ. These qualities don't have to be mutually exclusive.

- “Sonic is supposed to have attitude!” Yeah, well that's not the same thing as being an absolute cunt. Sonic was only ever meant to come off as having an edge compared to Mario. He was never meant to be a GTA-tier protagonist.

- Rouge is not a villain, and never was a villain. Literally the whole point of her role in SA2 was to reveal that she was working against Eggman and Shadow the whole time, albeit using sneakier tactics to do so. You'd think all those people who exult SA2's story would remember this, but apparently not. She barely even qualifies as an anti-hero, since aside from stealing the Master Emerald, she rarely does anything morally questionable otherwise. She's got a lot more good in her than people give her credit for.

- Captain Whisker is a better Eggman Nega than the actual Eggman Nega. And as far as robot characters in this franchise go, Johnny's design is pretty underrated.

- I don't like Iblis or Mephiles, but I DO like Solaris, and it annoys me that it was out of focus for most of the story due to all the time spent on its less interesting halves. Had they kept the backstory with the Duke and his experiments, and worked from there, I think they could have provided an interesting contrast with Chaos (since Solaris can also qualify as a monster with a sympathetic backstory) instead of recycling the surface level schtick.

- Black Doom may technically be just as bad as Mephiles, Nega, Scourge, Mimic, etc, since he's yet another villain with one-note characterization and fucked over Eggman. But because he never gained a disproportionate fandom, he doesn't annoy me to the same extent. It's easier to ignore him by comparison, and his Dr. Claw voice and face shaped like a lady's delicate part make him enjoyable to mock.

- Likewise, while Lyric is also on the same level as these other villains, it's easier to dismiss him because I was never invested in the Boom games anyway, and being an obvious alternate universe (compared to Sonic X or IDW, which retain the Modern designs and plot elements), it never had an effect on the main series. I also unironically like his design, and if nothing else, at least this snake didn't start a hypnotism fetish across the internet.

- Sally - and the rest of the Freedom Fighters for that matter - have had their importance in the franchise severely inflated. They may have been lucky to be the face of popular media (SatAM and Archie), but they're not these magnificent entities that the game characters are but a speck of dust in comparison to. Having a “legacy” doesn't make them more entitled to shit than any other character, old or new.

- Conceptually, the treasure hunting gameplay is one of the better alternate gameplay styles IMO. But it was let down in SA2 by its one track minded radar (the levels may have been big, but I don't think that would have been an issue on its own if the radar was better). If they brought it back and made it more like SA1's treasure hunting, I'd be all for it, although it would probably be better suited for a spinoff title.

- This goes for a lot of games, but when it comes to 2D, I prefer sprites over models. Not that the Rush models are bad (though the ones in Chronicles sure as fuck are), but the sprites in Mania and the Advance trilogy are just so charming and full of character.

- I actually like Marble Zone. Yeah, the level design is a bit blocky, but I love the concept of an underground temple prison, mixed with lava elements in a zone that otherwise isn't a traditional volcano level.

- I also like Sandopolis Zone. Again, completely understand why it's not the most popular zone around, but I've been a sucker for the Ancient Egyptian aesthetic since childhood (you can thank Crash 3 for that), and Act 1 is visually stunning.

- I prefer the JP soundtrack for Sonic CD over the US version overall... but I also prefer Sonic Boom over You Can Do Anything.

- SA2's soundtrack isn't bad by any means - I love Rouge's tracks, and The Last Scene is one of my favourite pieces of music - but as far as variety goes, it's a step down from SA1's soundtrack.

- If Sonic X-Treme had been released, it probably would have been unenjoyable and confusing. Whatever your thoughts on SA1, it was probably the better option between the two as far as Sonic's first legitimate translation into 3D goes.

- I have no qualms with Modern Sonic and the other Modern designs and characters, but I also fully acknowledge that changing gears from Adventure onwards - and doing it with a great amount of fanfare - was always going to create one of the biggest divides in the fandom, and fans shouldn't act surprised that this happened. The fact that they felt the need to hype up a new design and direction in the first place (compared to Mario, who has mostly been the same since the beginning, with only the occasional minor change with little fanfare) also indicates that they weren't confident enough in Sonic and his universe being the way it was, which often gets ignored by all the “SEGA have no confidence!!!” complaints you see with their recent games.

- Unleashed did not deserve the incredibly harsh reviews it received back in the day... but it doesn't deserve its current sacred cow status either. It had more effort put into it than '06 to be sure, and I can respect that, but much of it was misguided effort, and even if you like the Werehog, you have to admit that the idea came at the absolute worst time. The intro cutscene may be awesome, as is the Egg Dragoon fight, but 2% doesn't make up the entire game. Chip was also quite annoying, and I wasn't particularly sad when he pressed F in the chat at the end.

- On the other hand, while Colours definitely has its shortcomings, and people have every right to criticse those shortcomings, a lot of its most vocal detractors tend to have a stick up their arse about the game because people actually enjoyed it, and it had a gimmick that people actually liked. Yes, it may have been the first game to have those writers everyone hates, but then SA1 was the first game to give the characters alternate gameplay styles and have other villains upstage Eggman, so...

- Forces is absolutely not on the level of '06. It's nowhere close. A game being flawed does not make it the next '06, clickbait YouTubers. Or should I say, the game they want to retroactively apply '06's reception to, since they've been trying hard to magically retcon '06's own quality...

- To echo @beevean, ALL of the 3D stories have their issues. SA1 is probably the most well-rounded of them on the whole, but even that one isn't perfect.

- To echo another opinion, although I do love SA1, I'm not crazy over the idea of a remake, and would prefer them to just take Sonic's gameplay from SA1 and work from there. Because with a remake, you're stuck in a hard spot: Do you keep it the way it is bar the expected graphical upgrades, and risk accusations of not doing anything to actually improve the experience? Or do you try to address past criticisms, and risk the wrath of the fans who will inevitably go on a #NotMyAdventure crusade about it? What people fail to consider is that the Crash and Spyro remakes were accepted gracefully because their original iterations were still unanimously beloved for the most part, whereas SA1 - and especially SA2 - have always been divisive, and have only gotten moreso over the years.

- People take their preferences for the character's voice actors too seriously. I have my own favourites like anyone else, but I don't make a big deal out of it.

- And with fandom voice actors, they usually focus too much on doing a basic impression of their preferred official voice actor, and not enough on the acting. So you end up getting a lot of fan voices who sound like decent impressions of Ryan Drummond or Jason Griffith on the surface, but they sound utterly empty beyond that impression, because there's no oomph or depth to the actual emotions. They think about the actor rather than the character, when it should really be the other way around.

- The thing with Ian Flynn is that he is capable of telling a decent story, and he can portray some characters well. But he's proven time and time again that everything will go off the rails if he's given too much freedom (ironic, given how quick he is to point the finger at mandates when something goes wrong).

- Ian Flynn and Shiro Maekawa are not the only people in the world who are allowed to write for Sonic. I understand that one should be cautious when seeking out new writing talent, but for all the fandom's accusations of playing it safe, they sure aren't in a rush to experiment outside of their own comfort zone.

- And of course, the big one: You don't fix the franchise's current problems by crawling back to its previous problems. It's much more helpful and constructive to discuss the good and bad alike with each of the games. Less “THIS GOOD, MODERN BAD”, and more “This could work, but maybe without that part...”

#Crusher's Asks #Opinion #Sonic the Hedgehog

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thecreaturecodex · 4 years

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Asura Rana, Cas

Image by Daarken, © Wizards of the Coast. Accessed at the Heroes of Horror Art Gallery here

[Furtober finishes off with a big bang and a Big Bad. Heroes of Horror introduced Cas, the Lord of Spite, and I remember a lot of people making fun of him at the time. The idea that a supervillain evil god has the head of a moose was seen as ridiculous, and comparisons to Bullwinkle were common. Nowadays, the fact that moose are huge and terrifying relict megafauna seems to be more appreciated, and there’s something I find appealing about the idea of a prey species becoming the hunter. Appropriate for a god of spite and revenge. The knee pads and codpiece made of human skulls are admittedly silly, though.

The original Cas was NE and a god, and his CR 25 avatar was basically just a 20th level ranger with some extra outsider HD and a few surprisingly weak SLAs. I’ve moved him to LE to fit with his retribution theme, and because his hatred of the gods seems very appropriate for the asuras. I’ve left some of the ranger abilities, but added some inquisitor material as well, in addition to a few new surprises.]

Asura Rana, Cas CR 26 LE Outsider (extraplanar) This giant has reddish brown skin and the head of a moose, the antlers stained with blood. It has clawed hands, cloven hooves and brandishes a large mace of black metal. Its body seems to shimmer with heat.

Cas Lord of Spite, the Red Grudge, He Who Balances the Scales Concerns spite, disproportionate retribution, vengeance Domains Destruction, Evil, Law, Strength Subdomains Corruption, Ferocity, Hatred, Judgment Worshipers inquisitors, vigilantes, the wronged Minions asuras, devourers, revenants Unholy Symbol a rack of blood-stained antlers Favored Weapon heavy mace Devotion spend one hour ruminating aloud on those that have wronged you, beginning in a whisper and culminating in a scream. Gain a +4 profane bonus on Diplomacy checks to gather information, Survival checks to follow tracks, and Intimidate checks. Boons 1: bestow curse 1/day; 2: transformation 1/day; 3: energy drain 1/day

Cas the Lord of Spite is an asura rana who nurses hate and frustration, stoking the fires of vengeance until they erupt destructively. According to his cult, he was once a mortal huntsman with a loving family. He and his family grew isolated from their community, until violence erupted and his whole family was slain. Due to the social standing of his assailants, he could not turn to the law for recourse, and so turned to the gods. When divine intervention was not forthcoming, he swore vengeance against both his assailants and the divine order, fueling his apotheosis through pure rage and resulting in the destruction of the entire kingdom.

Cas’ ultimate hatred is towards the gods, making him a natural member of the asura ranas. His ambition is still greater; he is currently brooding over his lesser position surrounded by more powerful asuras, the Lords of the Nine and even Asmodeus himself. Cas covets true divinity, but he knows he has a long way to go, and this sulking bitterness fuels him. His violent outbursts at every slight make him a fiend of few allies and many toadies, but more powerful archfiends attempt to steer his rage into useful directions.

The Red Grudge enjoys combat, but he even more enjoys drawing out the hunt of a victim and increasing their terror. He is rarely found without the Ebon Rod of Cas, which he wields in two hands in order to feel more savagely its crushing blows. Cas’ blood boils with the heat of his rage, and the shimmer this causes makes him difficult to strike in combat. Cas is a skilled spellcaster despite his love of violence, and uses magic to inflict pain, forbid actions and heal himself and his allies.

Cas’ faithful are few and far between, and often keep a low profile. His cult broods in dungeons and cellars, not meets in exalted temples. He delights in perverting those with legitimate grievances, as he once was, turning them into ruthless vigilantes who kill to punish minor crimes. His priesthood believes that civilization is a thin veneer beneath which lies nothing but chaos, and it must be kept in order through savage violence. They also believe that anyone, even the most holy and pure, can become a follower of Cas if wronged sufficiently. The faithful of Cas have an unfortunate tendency to rise as undead upon their death, continuing their campaigns of violent revenge beyond the grave.

Ebon Rod of Cas (major artifact) The prized weapon of Cas, he occasionally loans it out to his devout in order to strike somewhere where he cannot go himself. The Ebon Rod of Cas is a Large +3 vicious adamantine heavy mace. It acts as a bane weapon against any creature that has caused injury to its wielder for up to 1 year. It is effectively immune to sundering and other forms of direct damage; a creature that deals damage to it must succeed a DC 25 Will save or take that damage instead. The Ebon Rod of Cas can only be destroyed if it is carried for 100 years by an empyreal lord devoted to peace and forgiveness, whereupon it evaporates into mist.

Cas CR 26 XP 2,457,600 LE Large outsider (asura, asura rana, evil, extraplanar, lawful) Init +7; Senses darkvision 60 ft., detect good, Perception +39, see in darkness, true seeing Aura frightful presence (60 ft., DC 34) Defense AC 44, touch 26, flat-footed 36 (-1 size, +7 Dex, +1 dodge, +9 profane, +18 natural) hp 573 (31d10+403); regeneration 25 (deific or mythic) Fort +23, Ref +23, Will +28; +8 vs. mind-influencing, improved evasion DR 15/good, epic and cold iron; Immune ability damage, ability drain, charm effects, compulsion effects, curse effects, death effects, disease, divinations, energy drain, fear, fire, petrifaction, poison, polymorph; Resist acid 30, electricity 30; SR 37 Defensive Abilities freedom of movement, hateful ward, heat shimmer Offense Speed 50 ft., fly 100 ft. (perfect) Melee Ebon Rod of Cas +48/+43/+38/+33 (2d6+25 plus 2d6 vicious/19-20), gore +40 (2d8+7 plus 2d6 fire) or 2 claws +45 (2d6+12 plus 2d6 fire), gore +45 (2d8+12 plus 2d6 fire) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks agony beam, favored enemy (dragons +2, good outsiders +6, evil outsiders +4, humans +4, magical beasts +2) Spell-like Abilities CL 26th, concentration +35 Constant—detect good, freedom of movement, mind blank, true seeing At will—bestow curse (DC 23), enervation, greater teleport (self plus 50 lbs. material only), malicious spite (DC 23), permanent image (DC 25), vampiric touch 3/day—command undead (DC 26), fire storm (DC 27), greater dispel magic, instant enemy, quickened major curse (DC 25), summon asuras 1/day—energy drain (DC 28), unhallow, wail of the banshee (DC 28), wish Spells CL 20th, concentration +29 6th (6/day)—blade barrier (DC 25), harm (DC 25), heal (DC 25), mass fester (DC 25), overwhelming presence (DC 25) 5th (7/day)—dispel good (DC 24), geas/quest, greater command (DC 24), mass castigate (DC 24), unwilling shield (DC 24) 4th (7/day)—cure critical wounds (DC 23), divination, divine power, fear (DC 23), greater invisibility, spell immunity 3rd (7/day)—arcane sight, deeper darkness, dimensional anchor, heroism, terrible remorse (DC 22), ward the faithful 2nd (7/day)—cure moderate wounds (DC 21), howling agony (DC 21), knock, resist energy, silence (DC 21), spiritual weapon 1st (8/day)—bless, comprehend languages, cure light wounds, divine favor, expeditious retreat, shield of faith 0th—bleed (DC 19), brand (DC 19), create water, detect magic, read magic, resistance Statistics Str 35, Dex 25, Con 37, Int 22, Wis 28, Cha 28 Base Atk +31; CMB +44; CMD 61 Feats Combat Expertise, Combat Reflexes, Critical Focus, Dazzling Display, Dodge, Improved Critical (mace), Intimidating Prowess, Mobility, Power Attack, Quicken SLA (major curse), Shatter Defenses, Spring Attack, Staggering Critical, Stand Still, Stunning Critical, Whirlwind Attack Skills Appraise +29, Bluff +35, Escape Artist +11, Fly +41, Intimidate +47, Linguistics +29, Knowledge (arcana, history, nobility, religion) +29, Knowledge (local, planes) +32, Perception +39, Sense Motive +35, Spellcraft +29, Stealth +31, Survival +35; Racial Modifiers +6 Escape Artist, +4 Perception Languages Celestial, Common, Infernal, 23 others; telepathy 300 ft. SQ asura rana traits Ecology Environment any land or underground (Hell) Organization unique Treasure double standard (Ebon Rod of Cas, other treasure) Special Abilities Agony Beam (Su) Once every 1d4 rounds as a standard action, Cas can unleash a beam of pure pain in a 120 foot line. All living creatures in the area take 12d12 damage and are filled with pain for 1 minute, suffering a -4 penalty on attack rolls, skill checks and ability checks. A successful DC 34 Fortitude save halves the damage and negates the penalties. Multiple failed saves cause the duration of the penalties to stack. This is a pain effect, and the save DC is Charisma based. Asura Rana Traits (Ex, Su and Sp) Cas has the following traits:

Cas can grant spells to his worshipers as if he were a deity.

Cas’ natural weapons, as well as any weapons it wields, are treated as lawful, epic, and evil for the purpose of overcoming damage reduction.

Infernal Resurrection (Ex) Cas rules an infernal domain. If he is slain, his body rapidly melts into corruption (leaving behind any gear he held or carried), his soul returns to a hidden location within his realm, and it is immediately restored to life (as true resurrection) at that location. Once this occurs, Cas can’t use this ability again until a full year has passed. An asura rana that is slain again during this year or is killed by unusual methods (such as by a true deity or an artifact created for this purpose) is slain forever.

Immunity to ability damage, ability drain, charm effects, compulsion effects, death effects, energy drain, and petrification.

Regeneration (Ex) Only chaotic, epic and good damage, or damage from a creature of equal or greater power (such as an archdevil, deity, demon lord, or protean lord) interrupts Cas’s regeneration.

Resistance to acid 30, and electricity 30

Summon Asuras (Sp) Three times per day as a swift action, Cas can summon any asura or combination of asuras whose total combined CR is 20 or lower. This otherwise works like the summon universal monster rule with a 100% chance of success, and counts as a 9th-level spell effect.

Telepathy 300 feet.

Favored Enemy (Ex) Cas gains the favored enemy ability of a 20th level ranger. Hateful Ward (Su) Cas gains a profane bonus to his armor class equal to his Charisma modifier. Heat Shimmer (Su) Cas’ body radiates heat, warping his position and protecting him from attacks. Creatures gain a 20% miss chance on attack rolls against Cas if they use sight, and a creature that strikes Cas with a melee weapon, natural weapon, unarmed strike or touch attack takes 2d6 points of fire damage. Weapons with the reach property do not endanger their wielders in this way. If Cas takes 30 or more points of cold damage from a single spell or effect, this ability is suppressed for 1d4 rounds. Spells Cas gains spellcasting as a 20th level inquisitor. He does not gain other class abilities of inquisitors, such as the judgment ability.

#cas #asura #pathfinder 1e #D&D #furry

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sweetsmellosuccess · 3 years

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The Best Films of 2020

The 15 Best Films of 2020

Normally, when I assess a full year of cinematic offerings, I consider both sides of that coin — the outstanding entities, and the least successful — but the year of our lord two thousand and twenty provided more than enough misery for all of us, I do believe. Ergo, in my own small way to bring better vibes into the universe, for this year’s round-up, I’m staying solely on the positive tip, highlighting those films whose unfortunate release date during the Year of the Hex shouldn’t preclude them for being fully appreciated. Let’s take a year off from negativity and schadenfreude, shall we, and just stroll amongst the poppies and bright sunshine of some of the best releases of the year.

15. The Invisible Man

“Leigh Whannell’s film is thoroughly modern in approach and sophistication, but the film it most reminded me of was made back in 1944. George Cukor’s Gaslight starred Charles Boyer as a loathsome husband who attempts to convince his already anxious wife (Ingrid Bergman) that she’s going insane by secretly rearranging things in their house and taking things from her so she thinks she’s always misplacing them. He preys on her emotional vulnerability in order to mask his own pathology and emotional detachment. The effect is absolutely enraging: Onscreen, he’s one of the more hateful villains ever committed to celluloid.”

Full Review

14. The Killing of Two Lovers

“From the opening sequence, with a distraught, estranged husband standing over the bed of his wife and her new boyfriend with malice in his heart, and a gun in hand, the film spirals out into incredibly well structured compositions, taking us inside and outside of David’s recurring psychosis, utilizing a bevy of techniques: The framing shrinks down around him, the sound gets muffled, as if underwater, save for the incredibly unnerving metallic sound of cables being stretched taut, and the sickening kathunk of a heavy car door slamming shut.”

Capsule Review

13. Another Round

“Typically, Vinterberg avoids simple conclusions — and God help us all if this film gets picked up by a U.S. studio and remade with, say, Vince Vaughn, Kevin James, Steve Buscemi, and Chris Rock — providing more or less equal examples of the delirious fun drinking with your friends can be (the film opens with a group of high schoolers gleefully doing “lake races” whereby teams compete to drink a case of beer while running around the nearby body of water; and closes with the same teen crew, and some of their teachers, whooping it up in celebrating their graduation); and the horrorshow it can become (one teacher ends up peeing the bed, and on his wife in the process, another wakes up bloodied and out of it in front of his neighbor’s house), leading to very real and horrible consequences.”

Capsule Review

12. Soul

“Co-director Pete Docter is the creative force behind many of Pixar's best titles, having a hand in the Toy Story franchise, WALL-E, Up, and also directing Inside Out, a brilliantly moving treatise on the subject of emotional upheaval. This film, which he co-wrote and made along with fellow co-director Kemp Powers, is his first film back at the helm since that high-water mark, and he has again dug into the fertile earth of our mortality and come back with a particularly vibrant crop.”

Full Review

11. The Burnt Orange Heresy

“Based on the novel by Charles Willeford, the film briskly moves through its paces, clouding the waters with the schemes of duplicitous men, who have sold out any love of art for their greater obsession of cash and prestige. A literary thriller in the vein of The Talented Mr. Ripley, it’s become a genre all too rare in the era of blockbuster bravado. This film will remind you what a mistake that is.”

Full Review

10. Lovers Rock

“In the course of the party, the fuses blow while the house DJ is spinning Janet Kay's "Silly Games," a fan favorite at the time. Undaunted, the guests continue dancing away, singing the lyrics a capella in delirious unison, as McQueen's camera swirls around the living room as if nothing happened. Such a heartfelt moment of unbridled togetherness, putting into distinct bas relief the sense of community we've been denied as a species in 2020, feels like a benediction, an epitaph for the year, and a salve for what we've all been so desperately missing.”

Capsule Review

9. Time

“Ostensibly, it’s about the strain of incarceration on even the most grounded of families (an experience naturally disproportionate for POCs); but, on a deeper level, it’s also about the manner of our use of the limited number of revolutions we get to enjoy situated on this earth. It is a profound knock-out.”

Full Review

8. New Order

“Meet the new boss, only in Michel Franco’s damning portrait of a society locked forever in cycles of oppression, revolution, and new oppression, it makes no difference who you are, what your belief system is, or whether or not you subscribe to a moral set of ethics.”

Capsule Review

7. Dick Johnson is Dead

“Utilizing stunt people and special effects, Johnson kills her father off a number of different gruesome ways, as a means of softening the blow of actually losing him as his mind slowly slips away. This eventually culminates in a final gambit, both acutely painful and deeply moving, in which our sense of things gets seriously upended. As Johnson put it during the post-screening Q&A, the film serves as a “doomed experiment trying to keep my father alive forever.” This film won’t make him immortal, alas, but it does make him indelible.”

Capsule Review

6. Martin Eden

“Marcello packs the film with offbeat bits and pieces of other films, including strips of what appear to be vintage home movies, sometimes in juxtaposition to what Martin is feeling — a group of kids swinging wildly from the bar of a fence, to a full galley ship taking in water and suddenly sinking like an iron ingot – which adds a more winsome, timeless element to the narrative. It’s clearly set in the past, but avoids being too dependent on that particular sense of place and time. Martin is a young man, at first, just coming into himself, and the actions he takes, what he goes through, the film seems to suggest, would be similar in any age.”

Full Review

5. Minari

“The film is certainly charming, but that’s not to diminish its straightforward approach to its characters’ plight. It doesn’t shy away from their difficulties, and as a result, it doesn’t cheat towards smarmy emotional closure.”

Capsule Review

4. Collective

“The breath of hope in the film, when the inept Minister of Health resigns, leading to the placing of a new, emboldened director who works quickly to clean the quagmire left by his predecessors, is just as quickly expelled after the next round of elections, in which the Social Democrat party — the very ones in charge of this catastrophe in the first place — gets re-elected with an even greater majority than what they had before. A perfect reflection of what happens when a government is allowed to exist without any meaningful oversight, other than from a bedraggled press and a disenchanted electorate.”

Full Review

3. First Cow

“Reichardt, a naturalist at heart, is not known much as a humorist, but there is a lightness to her screenplay -- co-written by Jonathan Raymond, her frequent collaborator, who wrote the original novel upon which its based -- that keeps it as sweetly airy as one of Cookie's fried confections. The two friends are so out of step with their surroundings -- the party of men Cookie initially travels with are little more than brutish thugs, and the fort upon which they end up is no better -- they almost had to find each other. They are reunited in the local bar of the fort only because literally every other patron runs out to egg on a brawl between two loutish combatants.”

Full Review

2. Never Rarely Sometimes Always

“Hittman’s eye for detail and emotional complexity — her characters can rarely articulate anything they’re experiencing — is incredibly acute, and she pulls tremendously understated performances out of her two leads.”

Capsule Review

1. Nomadland

“Perhaps no American director since Terrance Malick has made more of the collapsing light of dusk and twilight than Chloe Zhao. Much of her new film, which stars Frances McDormand as a transigent woman (“not homeless, houseless”), who traverses back and forth across the west in her beat up live-in van, doing seasonal work, takes place in that particular kind of vibrant half-darkness that shrouds the desert and its mountains with a magic kind of mystery.”

Capsule Review

Other Worthy Mentions: 7500; Assassins; Bacurau; Beanpole; Beginning; Black Bear; Bloody Nose Empty Pockets; Boys State; Come Play; Emma; Gunda; His House; Horse Girl; I Am Greta; Jacinta; La Llorona; Let Him Go; Limbo; Mangrove; Mayor; MLK/FBI; One Night in Miami…; Palm Springs; Possessor Uncut; Red, White & Blue; Relic; She Dies Tomorrow; Shirley; Shithouse; Shiva Baby; Some Kind of Heaven; Spring Blossom; Swallow; Tenet; The Dissident; The Invisible Man; The Nest; Sound of Metal; The Vast of Night; The Viewing Booth; The Way I See It; Vitalina Varella; Welcome to Chechnya

Inexplicably Underrated: 7500; Shithouse

Biggest Welcome Surprise(s): The Vast of Night; His House; She Dies Tomorrow

The Best Two Films I Saw This Year, Period: Satantango (1994); Harlan County, USA (1976)

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smartbutuncertified · 4 years

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So. Today I read J.K. Rowling’s essay on trans people.

I could spend hours finding sources to debunk what she said. I could yell until my fingers are tired that trans women are women, trans men are men, and nonbinary people are valid. I could cry. I could leave it to others. It’s been a long few months. I’m tired.

But I’m a trans man. I can see how she’s weaponizing our existence against our trans sisters. I can’t let that pass.

A lot of the discussion around TERFs revolves around trans women, and for good reason. TERF’s hatefulness is primarily directed at AMAB trans people, especially transfem ones, because of the mistaken belief that they are men invading women’s spaces. All that they are doing is striving to be treated as who they are instead of who others say that they are.

Because of this, much of the pushback against TERFs comes from a place of support of and defense for trans women. This has led to the TERFs developing a tactic that I’m going to name “Dysphoric ‘women’ in distress.”

Persistently attacking a group without clearly defending someone is a great way to get panned for being unreasonable. TERFs don’t want to be seen as a hate movement, so they focus their vitriol on trans women, and attempt to sweep trans men and AFAB nonbinary people under their banner. They’re protecting all “females”, see? No bigotry here.

Here’s a few passages from Rowling’s essay about trans men, and about biological sex, in the order that they appear. The bolding is mine.

“Ironically, radical feminists aren’t even trans-exclusionary – they include trans men in their feminism, because they were born women.”

“The fourth is where things start to get truly personal. I’m concerned about the huge explosion in young women wishing to transition and also about the increasing numbers who seem to be detransitioning (returning to their original sex), because they regret taking steps that have, in some cases, altered their bodies irrevocably, and taken away their fertility.“

“The UK has experienced a 4400% increase in girls being referred for transitioning treatment. Autistic girls are hugely overrepresented in their numbers.“

“The writings of young trans men reveal a group of notably sensitive and clever people. The more of their accounts of gender dysphoria I’ve read, with their insightful descriptions of anxiety, dissociation, eating disorders, self-harm and self-hatred, the more I’ve wondered whether, if I’d been born 30 years later, I too might have tried to transition. The allure of escaping womanhood would have been huge. “

“I’ve read all the arguments about femaleness not residing in the sexed body, and the assertions that biological women don’t have common experiences, and I find them, too, deeply misogynistic and regressive. It’s also clear that one of the objectives of denying the importance of sex is to erode what some seem to see as the cruelly segregationist idea of women having their own biological realities or – just as threatening – unifying realities that make them a cohesive political class. “

Trans men are not women. We are not girls. We are mostly AFAB, with some intersex and CAFAB men as well.

As an autistic trans man, autistic people may be more likely to transition, but that doesn’t mean that our transitions are less valid or more suspect. To say otherwise is both ableism and infantalization.

Lastly, the idea of womanhood being biological is as deeply offensive to us as it is to trans women. We share a lot of the health risks and need for reproductive rights and justice that cis women do, but this does not make us women. Trans women are women, not us.

Trans men are not delusional women to be protected from ourselves. We are not part of any “class” of women. This sickly sweet “compassion” because we “were born women” is not something that we support or want any part of. We are not and never will be women. The only people we’re in danger from are transphobes like Rowling.

This is not to say that trans men face the same things as trans women.

Trans women face a whole section of transphobia that transmasc people are exempt from, transmisogny. They are disproportionately targeted by TERFs and other transphobes.

Compare what she says about trans women to the statements about trans men. Again, the bolding is mine.

“Magdalen was an immensely brave young feminist and lesbian who was dying of an aggressive brain tumour. I followed her because I wanted to contact her directly, which I succeeded in doing. However, as Magdalen was a great believer in the importance of biological sex, and didn’t believe lesbians should be called bigots for not dating trans women with penises, dots were joined in the heads of twitter trans activists, and the level of social media abuse increased.“

“Examples of so-called TERFs range from the mother of a gay child who was afraid their child wanted to transition to escape homophobic bullying, to a hitherto totally unfeminist older lady who’s vowed never to visit Marks & Spencer again because they’re allowing any man who says they identify as a woman into the women’s changing rooms. “

“I happen to know a self-described transsexual woman who’s older than I am and wonderful. Although she’s open about her past as a gay man, I’ve always found it hard to think of her as anything other than a woman, and I believe (and certainly hope) she’s completely happy to have transitioned. Being older, though, she went through a long and rigorous process of evaluation, psychotherapy and staged transformation. The current explosion of trans activism is urging a removal of almost all the robust systems through which candidates for sex reassignment were once required to pass. A man who intends to have no surgery and take no hormones may now secure himself a Gender Recognition Certificate and be a woman in the sight of the law.”

“But, as many women have said before me, ‘woman’ is not a costume. ‘Woman’ is not an idea in a man’s head.”

“So I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe. When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman – and, as I’ve said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside.”

“On Saturday morning, I read that the Scottish government is proceeding with its controversial gender recognition plans, which will in effect mean that all a man needs to ‘become a woman’ is to say he’s one. To use a very contemporary word, I was ‘triggered’. Ground down by the relentless attacks from trans activists on social media, when I was only there to give children feedback about pictures they’d drawn for my book under lockdown, I spent much of Saturday in a very dark place inside my head, as memories of a serious sexual assault I suffered in my twenties recurred on a loop. That assault happened at a time and in a space where I was vulnerable, and a man capitalised on an opportunity. I couldn’t shut out those memories and I was finding it hard to contain my anger and disappointment about the way I believe my government is playing fast and loose with womens and girls’ safety.“

Things to note:

She was concerned about trans men undergoing voluntary hormones and surgeries because they “have, in some cases, altered their bodies irrevocably, and taken away their fertility.”, but is repeatedly horrified by the idea that trans women could be considered women without them.

She is consistently pitching the narrative that trans women’s interests are men’s interests and in conflict with women’s interests.

The misgendering is about equal in both sections, but in this one, the misgendering is intentionally framed as trans women being deceitful men, whereas trans men are framed as women and “girls” in distress. Notice that the trans women are always “men”, never “boys”, for maximum implicit threat.

“’woman’ is not a costume” is a huge red flag. Trans women aren’t wearing costumes, they’re living their lives as women.

The narrative she’s weaving is that trans men are misled women who need help and protection, and trans women are potentially predatory men. She leaves caveats, such as the “self-described transsexual woman”, but even she is referred to as a former man, and we don’t know how that trans woman feels about that. She’s being used as a prop, framed as an exception.

This is all transphobia, and heavily leans towards transmisogyny.

In short:

Trans men aren’t interested in you persecuting our sisters to “defend” us. Fuck off, Rowling.

#transphobia #transmisogyny #trans man #jk rowling #long post

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vamonumentlandscape · 3 years

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Washington D.C: Day 1

Our first stop on our trip was to Lorton, more specifically the Occoquan Historic District. The Occoquan Regional Park is on the land where the inmates of the Lorton Work House Prison worked in the brick kilns. Only one survives today, but it gives you a look at what once took over the large park space by the river. After eating at the cute riverside spot Brickmakers, we walked up the hill to see the nearly complete Turning Point Suffragist Memorial. According to the park’s website, over 150 women were imprisoned at the Lorton Work House in relation to the women’s suffrage movement from June to December of 1917. The “Silent Sentinels”, as the monument described, were the women who peacefully demonstrated outside the White House, but were detained and charged with falsified information. Those charges led them to be imprisoned at Lorton or in the District of Columbia Jail. These brave suffragists, like Carrie Chapman Catt, Alice Paul, and Lucy Burns, were the sparks of change that paved the way for women's rights. Paul and Burns both endured much pain fighting for their rights, like with the notoriously long hunger strikes they would enact when imprisoned. The statues done for Paul and Catt are beautiful depictions and show their strengths as activists. Alice Paul is holding her famous picket sign, MR. PRESIDENT HOW LONG MUST WOMEN WAIT FOR LIBERTY, to greet you at the beginning of the memorial. After you have rounded out the beautiful garden path, you end with seeing Carrie Chapman Catt with a big bouquet of flowers to symbolize their success. While Paul took the more radicalized approach with Burns which they picked up from British suffragists, Catt was a peaceful activist who took a more amicable approach. Another interesting piece of the memorial was the original White House Fence from Wilson’s time in office on display. It was powerful to see the large black fencing these brave women stood in front of almost daily to fight for their rights. The goal of women’s suffrage never would have been achieved without all of these brave women.

Unveiled in 1876, the Emancipation Memorial (also known as the Freedmen’s Memorial) has been controversial since its unveiling. Though the sculpture of Lincoln and a former enslaved person was funded by free African-Americans, there was some shock during the dedication ceremony in response to the deification of Lincoln and the stance of the African-American male. In his keynote address, Frederick Douglass expressed some criticism for President Lincoln. In the end, Douglass acknowledged an “earnest sympathy” for Lincoln. When talking about this statue in the spring semester, we knew that a stop at this memorial was essential. During a hot afternoon, Lincoln Park was packed with families with their children and their four-legged friends. We took a close look at the statue that has garnered more-recent criticism from activists like Glenn Foster of Palm Collective, who we were fortunate enough to talk to just a few weeks ago. Foster believes that a hidden narrative exists with the statue actively marginalizing African-Americans. “What does it mean for an African-American child to see the statue?” Foster asked. As we saw it with our own eyes, we understood why the memorial was so controversial. Though Lincoln’s Emancipation Proclamation freed enslaved persons in the South and made the cessation of slavery the goal of the Union during the Civil War, we were taken aback by the depiction of the man kneeling at Lincoln’s feet. It is problematic, to say the least, and requires a sign for historical context if the city does not take it down. Just across from the Emancipation Memorial is a statue that honors Mary Bethune. As a child of formerly enslaved persons, Bethune became a notable educator, civil rights activist, philanthropist, and feminist. She was the leader of many organizations like the National Association for Colored Women and was an adviser to President Franklin D. Roosevelt. She most notably started a school for African-American students in Daytona Beach, Florida, which became Bethune-Cookman University. Throughout the life of “The First Lady of the Struggle,” she never gave up in standing up for the right to improved opportunities for African-Americans. The Bethune monument, which was unveiled in 1974, stood in direct contrast to the feelings we had with the Emancipation Memorial. We may not know what should be done with the depiction of Lincoln, but it certainly requires some sort of action. Lincoln will always be one of the most consequential presidents of our history, but our society must be honest in interpreting his legacy along with that of African-Americans.

We took a quick ride on the Metro over to the L’Enfant Plaza stop to see the memorial for Dwight D. Eisenhower in front of the Department of Education. A statue of a young Eisenhower raised in Abilene, Kansas can be seen looking towards his future of being the General that commanded the D-Day invasion in Nazi-occupied France and the 34th President of the United States. All depictions of Eisenhower and his close allies during his time in the military and the Oval Office are beautifully done. The memorial shows the powerful presence that Eisenhower had in every role that he had. We made sure to also read through the speeches on the back of the marble pedestals, which included his famous farewell address where he warned of a military-industrial complex. During his presidency, Eisenhower sent in Federal troops to ensure the integration of schools in Little Rock, Arkansas. His largest project would be the Interstate Highway System, which has been the way that most Americans get around ever since. One can understand why Eisenhower is seen as a President of a higher echelon. We certainly did after viewing this memorial.

In response to the murder of George Floyd in 2020 and in support of calls for justice, Mayor Muriel Bowser of Washington D.C. supported the renaming of a section of 16th Street NW to Black Lives Matter Plaza. This section of the street is located at the Lafayette Square end of the White House. This action may have been a jab at the former president, who did not look favorably upon calls for police reform, but it was also a move to show that the city was listening and understood where people were coming from. The vast majority of protests were not composed of “thugs” and “looters” as charged by the media, but involved peaceful calls for ending police brutality and systemic racism. We were able to walk on the bright yellow letters that spelled Black Lives Matter. Though it has been over a year since most people were out in the streets of Washington protesting, the street still felt like a pilgrimage place for all Americans. Saying the words “Black Lives Matter” should not be treated as taboo and it is not claiming that other lives do not matter. BLM is all about the issue at hand, which is that African-Americans are disproportionately targeted by police, even when they are unarmed. Unwarranted killings and attacks by those meant to protect must end, and they must end now. As evidenced by our stop at this living memorial, the movement is here to stay and legislation must be passed in favor of fulfilling justice for all.

After seeing Black Lives Matter Plaza, we took a stroll to Lafayette Square just across from the White House. Just like BLM Plaza, this park is a social hub for tourists and residents alike. It was great to be able to walk upon this park to see the beauty of the White House up close. With the previous President, no one had been able to get very close for a while. Music, voices, laughter, footsteps, and the whirr of the sidewalk scooters filled the air. The beautiful weather made it an even better atmosphere. The one statue that took us off guard while enjoying the grounds was of Andrew Jackson. He is one of the most controversial presidents in American History. His fame originates from being a famous soldier in the wars against Native Americans. Later the “common man” became more popular as he was not an elitist running for president. Duels were something he took part in quite frequently as we have learned. Rebecca Grawl, an alumnae from Randolph-Macon Woman’s College and our tour guide for part of DC, told us that he actually had been shot at around 12 times and had 2 bullets lodged in him from previous duels. The worst part of his legacy was the Indian Removal Act of 1830 that led to the infamous Trail of Tears. Thousands of Natives were displaced, died of disease and exhaustion, and were forced out of their homes. Another one of his blunders was his dismantlement of the National Bank. It is ironic that the man who destroyed and hated the national currency of the United States resides on the twenty dollar bill. Another fact learned from Rebecca Grawl was that his equestrian statue is wrong. There is a rule for when there is an equestrian statue built for someone - the front two feet symbolize how the rider passed away. Two feet on the ground means that they died of natural causes, one foot off of the ground means they died due to an injury or disease from battle, and two feet off the ground means they were killed in battle. Jackson’s horse has two feet off of the ground, yet he was not killed in battle. Despite his title of being an American president and winning the popular vote three times for president, his legacy is troubling to say the least.

Our last stop for the day before heading to Shake Shack (YUM!) was the World War I Memorial. It is unfinished, but what is complete is absolutely stunning. A statue of John J. Pershing towers over the memorial representing his incredible military leadership of U.S. troops during The Great War. Beside his grand statue are maps engraved in gold, red, and blue on black granite with descriptions of each campaign. This is a place for reflection and education as many of those lost in the war may only have distant descendants living and those who visit are mostly coming to learn. The largest unfinished part of the memorial is right behind the small pool of water. A Soldier’s Journey is a large sculpture that follows a young male soldier through the “myth of a hero’s journey” from home, to the battlefront, and his return home where he is changed from the war. This part of the memorial will be complete in 2024 and we all are eager to return to see the finished product.

#Washington DC #Virginia #monument #black lives matter #Eisenhower #wwi #turning point #suffragist #lorton

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serialreblogger · 4 years

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I know you don't talk about school much, so feel very free to just pass this ask by, but how did you... make a decision for a degree and everything?

whooof a good question! short answer is, there’s a reason i don’t talk much about school, and that’s because i straightup don’t have a clue what i’m doing. but for the record: nobody? does?

there’s this idea that as soon as you hit grade 11 you need to get started planning the rest of your life out, and once you graduate high school you have to have like a ten-year career plan. but nobody, really, does. if you have a ten-year career plan in grade twelve, the only thing that guarantees is that you’ll be doing something dramatically different in ten years (and probably have at least one major identity crisis two to five years in).

because here’s the thing: it’s really, really unfair to put that kind of expectation on teenagers, to start with. you literally don’t have the necessary experience to make that kind of decision. you aren’t capable yet of making informed choices about the direction of your life, just because you haven’t LIVED enough, you don’t have enough information to draw from. and really, you’re also still a kid. you’ve been entirely dependent on your parents for survival up to now, and for a disproportionately high number of teens, that means accepting abuse, micromanagement, neglect and/or general unhealthy circumstances as a fact of life. none of that equips you to make any kind of balanced choice about the direction you want your life to take.

all of this is to say, first of all, if you’re planning to go to university just after high school, don’t hold yourself to an all-or-nothing standard when it comes to your course of study.

when you’re starting an undergrad, especially if you’re doing so within a year or two of finishing high school, don’t worry as much about picking a major that will serve your career path (look, i’m going to be honest with you, there’s seriously no undergrad degree that gives you a significant leg up in the job market at this point, and that includes the sciences. english majors + chemistry majors = equal difficulty finding work after graduating without either a master’s degree or some kind of nepotism. the only exception is maybe business majors, but they don’t really count because nobody trusts business majors). don’t worry about what you “should” be majoring in or whether the subjects that interest you are “practical.” None of the courses in university are practical.

That’s what I did, anyway. i didn’t declare my own major until halfway through my third year (and still graduated in four). My university had a whole bunch of core required courses for every major regardless of your field of study, which made that easier; i took an introductory course on plant biology, an english course where we studied dracula, a philosophy course, a course on “history of the Western World” (which was essentially colonialist propaganda + the black plague), and a theology class from the Catholic college partnered to my university. I don’t know if you know this about me, but i forkin adored every minute of that semester. That’s the second thing: if you hate high school, that is ABSOLUTELY not a guarantee you’ll hate university. In uni i finally got to learn about things that actually interested me, got to choose courses and drop ones i didn’t want to deal with, and was not only allowed but encouraged to engage critically with what i was being taught. it was brilliantly freeing.

So: if you’re looking for advice on how to pick your major when you first start college or university, i guess my main advice is don’t. Not that you shouldn’t declare a major if you have a pretty solid idea of what you genuinely want to do, but like. if you don’t have a solid idea. that’s OKAY. 90% of people don’t, because you just don’t have the necessary context to determine what you really enjoy and what you want to learn more about (let alone what you want to do for the rest of your life).

(also, if after your first semester you think university just genuinely isn’t something that appeals to you, maybe take some time off. like i said, going to university doesn’t by any means guarantee a career. you can figure out who you are and who you want to be in settings that aren’t the suffocatingly stressful, high-stakes conditions of academia. i, personally, am overall glad i went to uni and value the ideas and facts and ways of thinking i learned there; but the fact remains that it took my anxiety from “bad enough to spawn eating disorder” to “i can’t bear being alive and also resonate way too hard with descartes’ ‘does anything even exist’ crisis oh god oh help” levels. also: student loans. if you find that learning for its own sake isn’t exciting or fun for you, take a break!! find something that IS exciting and fun, and try doing that for a bit instead. never feel like you have to put yourself through something that’s taking more from you than it gives.)

#existential crisis tw #whoops i thought it had been long enough but i remembered that particular anxiety obsession for too long jeez i'm good at freaking myself o #still got it!#anyway #for whatever it's worth - and bearing in mind that i'm by no means qualified for this advice #here it is #i don't give this sort of monologue unsolicited because i really don't know if it's useful #i still feel at sea myself when it comes to academia #if you ask me about why i'm getting my masters in library science i will stare at you with the void of infinite darkness in my eyes #and my adhd mouth will tell you ''iunnno''#we shall see! how it goes!#and for you lunar i wish all the luck and happiness in the world #i hope this helps at least a little? in some way?#whatever path you end up taking is gonna be awesome #just because you're the one that will be on it #ask linden

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jamboreeofsurprises · 3 years

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idk how to say this in a way that wont come across as whiny and dumb and make it even more apparent how autistic i am but whatever, its my personal blog, it’s meant to be a judge-free zone anyway. its not like im not putting out this thought to change how anyone feels about anything im just ranting.

pixar has been an important special interest of mine for decades (!) as their movies were literally some of the only movies i looked forward to seeing as a kid. i hated going to the theater because of the sensory nightmare of it all but braved it for pixar movies because they tickled my imagination so much. nearly every year had a new pixar movie which was a big event in my life for that year. i think they have struggled a lot since the 2010s especially as an over-focus on sequels happened (largely as a result of corporate disney grip) so don’t assume by any means i’m uncritical of them. as with anything else i like, i’m not about to pretend like it’s golden all the time just because i’m a fan

but i feel like most of my mutuals now immediately want to assume negatively of pixar because theyre mainstream and un-vogue and pretend like the incredibly stagnant, unchanged western animation landscape they were born of didn’t exist and how crucial their defiance towards it was for moving the medium forward. when it came to western animated movies we had disney movies and disney-imitation movies, that is to say, Fairy Tale Musicals and Other Fairy Tale Musicals. which, don’t get me wrong, i love a good fairy tale musical, but pixar were special and not just for beautifully introducing & advancing 3d cg feature animation, but because their angle was telling completely new stories that challenged this whole format. it was absolutely a breath of fresh air. and the movies could be pretty genuinely touching too for both older and younger members of the audience, usually without even having to have melodramatic character deaths or anything. monsters inc. is pure character-motivated drama and the ending made me cry buckets as a kid and still does because the characters are lovable and relatable. you don’t have to throw in a dead parents backstory or whatever for me to sincerely feel that emotion for them.

as we ushered into the 00s and walt disney animation, dreamworks, etc got a load of the critical and commercial success of pixar, their response was to copy the technology but very little of the creativity/heart. dreamworks i have come to realize at least with Shrek were still doing something pretty subversive albeit in a different direction that i think was forward-thinking but by and large, attempts to hop on the wagon of what made Pixar capture the world’s attention were pretty misguided. i think as the 00s progressed more unique animated movies started coming out as things picked up real good around 2009 (you need only glance at the academy nominations that year to realize just how varied and good every entry was) so pixar kinda got left in the dust a bit in the 2010s, and the change of direction didnt help but my god, that doesnt override their significance in the whole pantheon of animation. but i feel like everyone is forgetting that and it makes me feel like im losing my mind that im the only person remembering just how crummy most other american animated movies of the 00s were. dont get me wrong im not saying that anyone who dislikes pixar or is critical of a movie of theirs is doing it to be some Mean Hater™, but i feel that the level of negativity is strangely disproportionate to that of other animation studios which is like ??? is it just because people like them and have for years so now we have to turn that around arbitrarily?

idk i just feel like because other studios have stepped up their game some people discredit pixar entirely and that hurts. the thing that has sucked the most about it is how i don’t even feel allowed to eagerly anticipate anything pixar is going to put out even when i want to because it has to immediately be couched in such harsh judgment and discourse, which /*AGAIN*/ is not me saying they’re infallible and should never be criticized. anything and everything is open to criticism, i have my own apprehensions about some of their movies too. i just feel like the aura of negativity online surrounding each pixar release now leaves me an anxious mess while anticipating/watching the movie instead of going into it with the childlike wonder i want to go in with and could go in with because i feel like ppl are going to think i’m basic or just flat out stupid for liking the thing, no matter how sincerely.

which like, i’m not friggin basic. kanashimi no belladonna is one of my favorite animated movies lol. and so is up (the movie that made me interested in animation & storytelling as artforms), ratatouille, etc ... its almost like some mainstream things are good and popular for a reason?

this rant isnt even telling you anything, i know ive historically been overly sensitive to people being critical/negative about things that mean a lot to me and i need to get the hell over it, i just feel frustrated by everyone’s relentless negativity these days and feel like at this point so much of it’s not even coming from good faith

#journal

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gcldenchild · 3 years

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let it be known that goldie is not okay by any stretch of the imagination.

as shown in the ask post, he has some serious mental health issues. his most pressing? his suicidal tendencies and thoughts. this covers how those came to be, and how they’ve affected him throughout his life.

to say that he’d always dealt with it is inaccurate, but it certainly has been persistent for a good portion of his life, even before the attempt at transmutation.

at first, it was only the thoughts. they were minor, of course. after his mom died and he and al were truly left orphaned, ed had wondered if it was because he existed that their dad left. hohenheim was crying in that one photo they had together, after all. it always stuck at the back of his mind, and thus began the fantasizing in order to somehow justify what had happened to him and his brother.

he grew a mild fascination with death. constantly envisioning what it would’ve been like if he’d never been born- or died before he could damage his parents relationship somehow- and how al would’ve lived afterwards.

how al would’ve felt having a normal family to take care of him for his whole childhood, instead of it being completely taken away when he was only four.

part of it stemmed from an inherent longing to see his mother again in some fashion, twisted into childlike fantasies where he’s the one to die first and watches on from whatever kind of heaven he’d go to, reunited when the rest of his family passed on. peacefully.

he didn’t want to deal with grief anymore, but he couldn’t deny his true reality. their mother was gone, their shithead father was nowhere to be seen, and the house was unbearably lonely. things began to get overwhelming. he’d begun to grow slightly delirious in his study of alchemy.

most of it is masked as enthusiasm. it becomes a subconscious habit to talk about alchemy with a fake sense of determination, in order to fool the people around him into believing he wasn’t losing his mind understanding the greater world of science ahead of him, with every single word he’d read swirling around in his brain as he attached it all to the fading face of his father.

yock island, though instilling a certain lesson, does intense damage to his psyche. it was the first time he’d started to grow uncomfortable with his own fascinations. at this point, it wasn’t his own life at stake- it was al’s, too. he’d already started losing it by studying things for days on end, but nearly starving to death with his brother really put things into perspective.

he learned the meaning of all is one and one is all, but the cost could not be justifiable. not when a pool of fear stirred in his gut constantly, him finally aware of the true nature behind all his “harmless” fantasies.

he tried to shut them out. to ignore them. and then izumi had to go and warn them to never commit the taboo of human transmutation.

something broke in ed the day he even suggested that they try to find a way to crack human transmutation. so much had grown. he’d barely been able to get up that morning. even still, he acted like everything was normal. like he wasn’t struggling to even stand, being crushed under the weight of his spiraling, pent up emotions and thoughts.

he just talks with al, and something in him just... breaks. completely. he can’t bear the weight of it all anymore, and he finally talks, from the darkest recesses of his soul.

“i think we could bring mom back.”

he wishes al could’ve known better. he regrets ever saying those words, ever pushing his brother to help him with it all, ever placing his hands on that transmutation circle.

for a brief moment, he feels like he dies. it’s almost satisfying, to him. and then he wakes up in the fucking gate, truth taking his leg as payment. and then- the fucking thing they brought to life, for the cost of al’s whole body and his leg. it spits blood, reaches out at him, and he has to literally resist the urge to retch and let himself bleed out.

he only continues for al. to get al back. al didn’t deserve this. he was only ten, damnit.

it gets worse. he screams during his automail surgery, ranting about anything he can think of, trying to keep himself breathing. trying to push through it all for alphonse. everything is boiling over, and he can’t handle it.

he slowly begins to develop anger as a protective shield. it’s the only way he’s able to shut everything in his head up. the only time it begins to boil over to a point he can’t control is when he can’t bring himself to be angry.

ed still cared for other people, no matter how much he tried to ignore it. he still does good things out of his own natural moral code. unfortunately, though, being that nice? it actively hurt him, because it lets the chaos spiraling in his stomach return. he’d barely be able to get up the next day without a solid thirty minutes of extra “sleep.”

his naps become ways for him to cope with the hellish cacophony. it’s just so much easier to yell and not acknowledge the fact that people want to help him, no matter how much he may need it.

when nina happens, the nightmare that follows- although not the first of its kind- is one of the only ones to render him inconsolable upon waking. he can’t just go back to sleep, but he can’t talk, either. he has to sit through it, with his heightened breath, the heavy feeling in his chest practically choking him the entire time.

he shuts people out. he shuts his own brother out. the normal facade serves its purpose well.

when scar almost kills him, he is pained to say that the conflict in his head is wildly disproportionate.

living for al’s sake is outclassed by the want to die.

it’s the first example of his thoughts breaking out from their prison. he was ready to accept death, above all else. and then al punches him for being stupid. with everything having already snapped, he can only respond as if he were a deer in headlights, unable to truly comprehend the situation.

things just get worse. and worse. and worse. he can’t cope with it all. his anger keeps exploding, trying to protect him from himself. to keep him from going through with some of those thoughts and just sacrificing himself to get his own brother’s body back, as if the world would be better off without him.

to an extent, he was convinced it would. he never acted upon it consciously, however.

ed would never make a direct attempt. he’d do stupidly self-sacrificial things sometimes, yes, but he’d never try to kill himself outright. he wouldn’t want al to see- al had already had enough death in his life, and ed didn’t want to burden him with both his own death and the fact he was his own murderer at once.

this doesn’t stop the fantasies from getting worse. though. nor does it stop him from looking at himself in the mirror, hallucinating both the feel and sight of choking himself. (not like that would be the only way, though, of course. he’d imagined so many, over and over, and they played in his head constantly.)

he thinks about it so, so much. al is the only thing to keep him grounded. his little brother is the only being that grounds him.

it doesn’t stop him from doing things to harm himself, though. when he’s alone, he finds himself knocking against the side of his own head hard or pulling on his hair to intentionally cause pain. his head becomes sensitive, but only because hes desperate to do anything to drown everything out.

one could even find scratch marks along his arm from when he gripped onto it too hard during one of his fits, paired with the tips of his automail having a sharper edge. he hates letting people see those, but at least they’re faint. he can play them off as simple wounds from getting into a fight. the bruises are a different story, but its not as if he cant make something else up to explain them.

he panics when people see through his facade, and retaliates with even worse anger. he goes on the attack like a caged animal because deep down, he WANTS help. it’s just hard for him to even receive it before he’s been completely, utterly broken for that day.

being separated from al is debilitating.

even though he knows that alphonse can handle himself, it still does not change the fact that he’s become unhealthily dependent on him. al is his entire reason for living, and being far from that tether eats away at what composure he has left.

when he’s impaled, he wasn’t even sure if what he was going to do would even work. to envision himself as a philosopher’s stone? he’d never had that sort of a handle on his own soul before.

as he’d seen with envy, though, the yelling of everything inside him, screaming to be let out perfectly matched the stones of the homunculi. ed saved his own life, only letting himself live for alphonse, wherever he may have gone.

the months of being separated are fucking torture.

or, at least, they are, for only a while. by the time he was in alenthaal, ed had grown ... unnaturally hopeless. even though he looked fine, almost everyone in town saw through his mask.

luitumi is the one to break him first.

“edward?” “yeah, whats up, luitumi?” “you don’t need to pretend anymore.”

he’s completely dumbfounded. she attacks him right at his core. naturally, he puts up his shield, trying to force her out. to get her away from his problems. and then she fucking takes his normal hand, squeezes it, and looks at him with those unwavering glass eyes, and he breaks.

it’s all let out at once. every thought swirling around manifests as panicked crying, yelling, whining- really, anything he can verbalize. he says “you don’t know anything,” and she shuts him up completely by saying “i wouldn’t be talking to you if i didn’t, edward.”

she doesn’t destroy his shield. she takes the other route of forcing him to put it down.

ed still doesn’t remember a lot from that day, other than the feeling of being hugged by multiple people at once. the entirety of team lazarus.

emotionally drained, he can barely get up the next day, too. but instead of suffering through it by himself, he can feel a hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him through it.

he’d fallen asleep inside the living room, and lucaun and carson were waiting for him the next morning. luitumi was making food with yularosá, and cobalt was talking with heinkel and darius and greed.

it’s ... sickeningly domestic.

and yet, it wasn’t something he’d experienced since mom died. he hadn’t felt this familial safety since then, not even at the rockbell house. luitumi had broken down his walls in a single night, most likely fueled by whatever emotions charity had been able to pick up on, and now the rest of the people who could be considered “friends” in this fucking town are doing what they can to help.

talking with any of them about his feelings becomes mandatory. they don’t give him a choice, and for some reason, he can’t bring himself to fight it. the better part of him knows that he needs it.

at first, its twice a day. usually luitumi and lucaun handle it. cobalt and carson deal with his constantly presenting daddy issues, though. carson knew the feeling of growing up with a dad who didn’t love him (and, initially, no dad at all), and cobalt knew the feeling of fucking hating his own father.

his need for a parental figure slowly dies down. cobalt will never be a father to him, just like mustang, but he’s okay with that. cobalt doesn’t have any legal standing over him unlike the colonel, and he’s a lot more fucking comfortable with that.

cobalt doesnt have to pretend like he’s a father in any capacity for ed. what he does is out of his own heart, not because he sees ed as a ward.

at least, that’s what ed believes. and he likes it like that. people not pretending to be things they aren’t helps him shut away that one need.

it moves to once a day. he trails them a lot. his attachment issues come into presence, but they keep reminding him that its okay to need someone. slowly but surely, he’s able to deal with being left alone, though not for very long.

it moves to every other day. his thoughts are a lot less loud than he remembers them being.

it moves to only twice a week. the first time ed doesn’t artificially smile is for their christmas and new years celebrations, when luitumi drags him into the dancing circle with her. the whole thing reminds him of some of the celebrations they used to have in resembool in the summer. he says he’s not a good dancer, but luitumi doesn’t care. he lets her take the lead for the start, and just like everything else in his life, he learns fast.

he finally begins smiling, completely free of his thoughts for once. he actually has fun that isn’t tethered to everything he’s been building up for over these many years.

alenthaal becomes his safe place. “whats said in alenthaal, stays in alenthaal.” he genuinely believes it to be true.

when the promised day draws closer and closer, he promises to come back. it’s not just al he’s living for, anymore. he’s living for this town, too, full of people who make him feel safe.

when al sacrifices himself to bring his arm back, it sets ed back what feels like years. his anger returns, completely unstoppable, and his one focus is to kill father. and then greed dies.

it just gets worse. even with the bastard gone, his progress is still set back significantly.

he yells at hohenheim. calls him a rotten father. he didnt want to deal with any of that self sacrificial garbage, not because that was the man who left them, but because thats exactly what ed does.

he thinks. thinks so, so hard. finally, he draws out the circle, everything finally becoming clear.

he sacrifices his own alchemy. ed doesn’t need it anymore, not when it’s caused him and his brother so much pain.

he has the town of alenthaal. he has his friends. he has his family.

who needs alchemy, when he’s got them?

and he beats truth, in his own special way. al is brought back. even though they spend months in rehabilitation, ed’s head is so much clearer than its ever been.

he returns home resembool. everything was worth it.

when he visits alenthaal once again, luitumi’s changed. she’s permanently merged with charity as a result of the promised day. they become two extremes- a complete lack of any alchemy at all, and a newfound power that still has so much unknown alchemy to tap into. even still, they share that hug, ed having kept his promise to not die.

he does his best to be more open. alenthaal is his safe haven, but having more than one isn’t impossible.

in the time before he goes off to the west, he tries to open up, bit by bit. its hard. the thoughts aren’t gone, and he knows they never will be. he’ll still have times where he’s rendered useless by them all, but this time, winry and al are there to help.

his emotions are genuine. his smiles are genuine. he doesn’t have to fake anymore.

when decides to study alchemy in the west, he knows every possible risk. he continues, despite the danger, because this would be his way of coming to terms with what happened to hohenheim. he ties alchemy to him, and even in death, that doesn’t change.

his father is gone. his father was one of the greatest alchemists the world had seen.

so ed will just overcome him, even without being able to perform alchemy anymore. he’ll prove that he’s more than just his kid. he’ll make his dad proud, as much as he hates calling him by that name.

luitumi joins him on his journey. they ground eachother. neither will have to deal with their pain alone, not this time. ed knows suffering through it isn’t an option for him anymore.

the thoughts will return, once in a while.

ed no longer shuts them out at this point. he lets them be, allowing them to stir until the mental soup is done. until his head finally becomes clear.

#tw suicidal thoughts #cw suicidal thoughts #tw suicide mention #cw suicide mention #tw self harm #cw self harm #goldie is seriously fucked this is a general warning #post promised day hes a lot better but before it? he still needs consistent help. things still constantly overwhelm him.#even though he gets a lot better at dealing with it in alenthaal it still very much is all there.#this is also a uhhh super fucking long post HGDJHS #{|❂|} THE GOLDEN CHILD | edward.#{|❂|} HE WHO TRAVELS THE STARS | info.

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onelungmcclung · 3 years

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Hello <3 Could you share what behind the scenes goodies are making you interested in Welsh/Roe? Also, could you share some more about the W*bgott dislike? Specifically how W*b comes off as anti-Semitic? I genuinely want to be educated and appreciate it in advance!

hey!

re welsh/roe: haha, sure thing.

re My Soapbox: that’s a more serious question, but you asked very courteously and I’ll do my best to answer. I hope it will taken in good faith by everyone who reads it. I haven’t discussed it publicly before, and I’m unlikely to do so again.

[nb. I’m going to request no rebl/gs on this, just because it’s a two-part answer dealing with two entirely unrelated subjects.]

i. welsh/roe: it came to me in a vision (it did not)

It’s Not That Deep: sometimes I like to pick two characters and speculate what their dynamic would be like in canon and how it might play out as a ship. (sometimes my experimental oneshots backfire on me horribly and I lose sleep over what is suddenly The Love Story of the Ages. I still think the basic approach is... fun? no I have not “learned better”.) so, that’s a mindset in play.

I think perhaps it was this that made me realise that they don’t have much onscreen interaction and thus wonder what their dynamic would be like. I guess baberoe being such a popular ship (and I do like it!) means that most of the roe fic is written through the lens of that dynamic (much angst, much fluff), and I just like to try out other angles. rarepairs are a great way to investigate characters’ less-explored facets. roe is often written as angst-ridden; welsh is probably one of the least angsty characters in the show; he’s a tiny fearless powder keg of energy & humour. what would they bring out in each other? this is for research purposes. (they certainly share a tendency to charge headfirst into danger without hesitating.)

roe does shout at welsh (“an officer & a grownup”, etc). I think welsh respects it, tbh. and I think that’s pretty much their only interaction apart from when welsh is injured.

which brings me onto rick warden’s quote about shane covering him while harry’s injured - he’s discussing it more in the context of acting choices, but the character implications are what I care about. roe is trying to protect welsh while he can’t protect himself; welsh feels protected by him. which is something welsh very rarely seems to need.

of course this is just what roe does. but for both of them, it’s a crucial moment. and for me, I’m always interested in small, potentially revealing interactions between characters who don’t have much screentime together.

ii. so you hate w*bgott

oof. ok.

a disclaimer: it’s only recently I analysed why I’m Not Into this ship. when I first discovered its popularity, my initial thought was “why?” but I didn’t dwell on it. (ship hate means it’s time to go outside.) coming back to the fandom made me think about it a little more closely.

admittedly, I find webster self-absorbed, entitled and privileged in almost every scene he’s in, so that doesn’t help. but I’m capable of taking an interest in his friendships (1st platoon, for example); I just do not think he and liebgott are friends, at any point in the narrative, and I would ship liebgott with literally anyone else in the company before w*bgott would ever occur to me. frankly I think it’s as plausible as martin/webster or guarnere/liebgott, and it never did occur to me. (that is, of course, just me, but this is my Opinion Hour and everyone has to live with it.)

firstly, I dislike the scene in wwf when he pulls a gun on the german shopkeeper. to some viewers, I think this reads as righteous anger. to me, it reads as self-involvement. what he should be doing is helping the prisoners, not threatening random shopkeepers. (lesniewski gets that. web doesn’t.) no doubt the shopkeeper is complicit in local antisemitism and his business has likely benefited, but he’s not important. the wellbeing of the jewish prisoners is the priority.

(his anger towards the german troops also comes across as self-indulgent and rather... unearned. the rest of the company has gone through a much more brutal war than he has. I’ve tried, for the sake of argument, to read his anger as altruistic, but that is not how it comes across to me.)

liebgott prioritises the prisoners completely. when he realises the nature of the camp, he reins in his feelings - of horror, grief, anger - in order to focus on the man he’s talking to. he knows this man has seen horror, cruelty and death beyond anything he himself has ever seen or imagined. this is the first time in a long time he has been around other jewish people, and it is nightmarish, and all he cares about is helping them. these people could be his friends, his family, his neighbours, himself: they are his people. at first, he refuses a direct order to tell the prisoners they have to remain here. when he relays it to the prisoners, he tries hard to be calm, not to distress them further. when he cries, it’s only for a few moments, because they are still what is most important: not his own grief for them.

I emphasise this as the emotional context of the mountaintop scene in “points”. liebgott feels unable to show his grief in front of the other soldiers, because they don’t share it, but he can show anger. the commandant mission offers the possibility of some catharsis, of a glimpse of revenge. (what he needs, I think, is to be among other jewish people, to grieve with them, to know that his feelings are understood, shared, recognised, accepted; but he wants to avenge his people.)

webster has lashed out at germans twice: the shopkeeper, the troops. he views that anger as justified. and yet in this instance - an order to interrogate and kill a nazi commandant - he balks. he argues the man might be innocent. the commandant is more culpable than anyone else they’ve encountered, but webster treats liebgott’s anger, which is far far more personal than webster’s, as disproportionate and irrational. he has no understanding of liebgott’s grief and rage; he makes no attempt to understand. he’s uncomfortable with it; he dismisses it. it’s deeply privileged and condescending.

part of me thinks this is just bad writing: it’s a contrived moral debate; webster wasn’t on the mission irl and his presence seems unnecessary; if he’s so opposed to the mission, he should have voiced that to speirs, not liebgott. but bad writing or not, this is the show and characterisation we’re all working from as fans.

(I think this ship is somewhat responsible for fans mischaracterising lieb as “angry”, for... reacting to antisemitism?. but because I don’t read anything for this ship, I have limited engagement with that.)

just for the record, while I’m pouring out my heart, I don’t see any evidence of a friendship, even a volatile one, in tlp. web didn’t know the men in 2nd platoon particularly well before, and still less post-bastogne. I think he plays politics with jones to try to get off the patrol, and then plays politics with 2nd platoon in order to be more accepted by the group. (the fact neither plan works is... quite entertaining, really.)

I know people point to their conversation about plans for the future as evidence of a friendship, but to me that interaction seems fairly one-sided. liebgott is looking forward to getting home; he wants to talk about it. web isn’t particularly interested in the conversation. that and their scenes together in “points” seem scripted to emphasise how little they have in common. and, of course, that their backgrounds have little in common isn’t necessarily a barrier to friendship, but webster dismissing liebgott’s anger over the camps is. there’s no way to write them being friends that doesn’t involve a heartfelt apology and a lot of slow relationship development.

I don’t lose sleep over what other people write/ship; that’s their prerogative. I don’t have to read it (in this case, I haven’t and won’t). I’m not telling anyone they can’t write this - or any other - ship. I’m simply uncomfortable with its popularity.

liebgott has some great onscreen friendships (mostly implied, as is the way of the show): tab, popeye, grant, ramirez, babe, mcclung, alley; maybe dukeman, jackson, tipper, luz, martin, malarkey, roe... I could even make an argument for liebgott & lesniewski. personally, I would much rather see more attention given to any/all of those.

#replies #'charactering'#earnest semi soapbox moments

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moneypedia · 3 years

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How to Defend Against False Accusations: A Personal Defense and 5 Guidelines to Protect The Truth

August 5, 2018 By Drew Shepherd

[Note: This post contains details about an undiagnosed case of borderline personality disorder (BPD). These details are included for informational purposes only, not to spread hate towards people with the illness.

If you or a loved one have been diagnosed with BPD, however, you may want to avoid this article.]

Guilty until proven innocent.

That’s the new norm these days.

Our current social climate has made it empowering to be a victim. And any abusers left standing must be exterminated—whether they’re guilty or not.

Please don’t think I’m downplaying the experience of actual victims though.

I know what it’s like to be among the lowest of society, and the struggle of real victims is part of the inspiration behind this site.

But the inconvenient truth is that all these “abusers” aren’t the monsters they’re made out to be.

Why do I say that you ask?

Because I’m one of them.

And this is my story.

The Accusation(s)

During my early twenties, I got involved with a girl who I later realized had borderline personality disorder (BPD).

I’ve already written about the experience and I’ve alluded to it multiple times since. So please read that article before this one if you haven’t already.

BPD is a serious mental illness, but most people have never heard of it, let alone know how to diagnose it.

If you’re not aware of how people with the disorder act, this post will come off as a rant against an innocent girl who liked me—which couldn’t be further from the truth.

But to summarize, the most notable symptom of BPD is the inability to regulate emotions. It’s a symptom so powerful that a sufferer’s feelings can define his or her reality. And this is what leads to many false accusations.

Manipulation, emotional abuse, cheating, promiscuity—she publicly accused me of all them.

It’s part of the process of “painting someone black.” The BPD person goes through cycles of both extreme love and hate for their loved one, but once the relationship ends, the other party is permanently devalued.

Of course this treatment is reserved for those in close relationships with the BPD sufferer. Outsiders will only see a victim pleading her case.

I’ve stayed quiet on these accusations so far since most of them don’t have any substance, but I unfortunately made one mistake that appears to give her claims some validity.

So I’m sure that she already has, or eventually will use this evidence against me. And if her false accusations were to gain traction, they would not only destroy my reputation, but also the legitimacy of the message I present on this site.

The latter is my primary reason for defense.

I’ve always said that the Bible is the basis for my moral judgment, and that couldn’t be more important than in sexual matters.

Now do I always control my lustful impulses and thoughts?

And do I always prevent myself from viewing images I shouldn’t see?

No.

I’m a Christian but I’m still a sinful human being. Controlling lust is part of the lifelong battle against sin in the Christian life.

But when it comes to things like fornication and adultery, I’ve held true to my stance on abstinence.

And as tough as it is to be a twenty-something with this stance in our sex-saturated world, it’s beyond frustrating to be accused of doing the complete opposite.

I’m an ambassador for what I believe. And I can’t allow anything on this site—faith-related or not—to be diminished because of one person’s claims.

So I’ll go into detail here about what really happened, and then I’ll show you how to defend against false accusations once and for all.

Drew “The Player”

I’ll preface my story with a little background information.

I was going into my last semester in college, and it had been about a year since I saw my accuser in person.

Things didn’t end well between me and her the last time we were “together.” But I was admittedly still interested in her—even with all the red flags.

It appeared that both of us were sad with the way the first go ‘round ended. So I foolishly tried to work something out with her before the semester started.

To my surprise, I was ignored and indirectly shot down.

How a normal girl would’ve reacted

It hurt pretty bad after putting myself out there for someone I thought still cared. But rejection is a part of life, so I moved on.

What’s crazy though, is that she changed her mind at some point afterwards. And even though I never got a direct response from her, she apparently assumed we were in a quasi-relationship.

Now fast forward to February.

It was the week of Valentine’s Day. And while I did still think of her, I wasn’t sending a Valentine’s Day anything to a girl who I didn’t trust, who now lived in a different state, and who couldn’t even respond to my direct communication.

The only reason I entertained the thought of us getting back together—if we were ever truly together in the first place—was because she hoovered me back in.

Hoovering is a term that describes actions similar to what its namesake, the Hoover vacuum does.

It’s a tactic people with personality disorders subconsciously use to suck loved ones back in after a failed relationship.

In this case, she used one of the social media apps we both had to convince me that she was open to a renewed relationship, and that she had changed for the better.

But at this point, I was just focused on schoolwork because I had no clue what this girl was thinking.

I had a senior project for an external company that took most of my time that semester.

My project group and I met just about every weekday. And at the time, we were all trying to meet a deadline coming up the next week.

The day after Valentine’s Day, one of my teammates mentioned that we should go play trivia at a local bar. But being the introverted party-pooper I am, I declined.

My schedule involved waking at around 5:30 each day. My teammates were always out too late for my liking, and I knew I’d never make it back in time to get enough sleep if I went.

So I gave the whole, “Thanks, but no thanks” spiel even though I knew they wouldn’t let me off that easy.

Our team was a pretty tight group—especially for four people who were assigned to each other at random.

We had a ton of inside jokes by the end of the semester. And they were the first to tease me at graduation because my honor stole nearly fell as I walked across the stage.

So naturally, they all had a good laugh at me for not wanting to miss my bedtime.

Of course it was all playful fun though. I did get back at them numerous times over the semester, but I’ll admit that I have an off-kilter personality that lends itself to being teased.

So anyway, we went our separate ways and I headed to bed.

The next day, I saw an email from the night before saying that I was invited to a school-specific social app. I didn’t see the email until the early morning though because I went to bed early.

I had never heard of the app before and I was skeptical. So my first thought after waking and reading the email was, “What the heck is (app name here)?”

My second thought was, “Who’s the funny guy who sent this?”

Now I knew it was someone who previously had my email address.

Of course any student could have pulled that info from the school’s directory, but I doubt anyone would have gone through the trouble of searching their class roster, finding me, and then using my email address for the sake of hitting me up on an app.

So it had to be someone with whom I worked with closely or had a personal relationship with.

With these facts in mind, I falsely concluded that it was a prank from my teammate that the rest of the group was in on.

They had just gone out together the night before. And they always found a way to mess with me—even when I wasn’t around.

So just like any other time I felt I was being pranked, manipulated, or taken advantage of, I played along with the hope that the other party wouldn’t realize until it was too late (and this has been my M.O. since I was a kid).

But doing this, in hindsight, was a terrible idea.

Any form of participation on what I later realized was a hookup app would paint me in a bad light. And the consequences of my actions weren’t as clear at 5:30 in the morning.

After I made a quick profile—complete with pictures no man would ever use if he was truly seeking casual sex—I waited about 15 minutes for a response that never came.

Then after realizing how bad my actions could appear without context, I quickly deleted the app and went on with my day.

I’m not sure if I completely wiped the profile I created. But since the app was lesser-known and low key about its hookup aspect—it’s not like I signed on to Tinder—I figured this wouldn’t be a problem.

Outside of my own actions with the invite and the app though, I don’t know anything else. But there’s a chance that a troll profile made 10 minutes after I woke could end up biting me. And that’s why I’ve chosen to address it.

Now, I’m almost certain this invite was from my accuser. And I still kick myself for not recognizing the true source of the bait.

My actions gave her the apparent confirmation that I was “playing the field.” And within the week, she either started, or just made it obvious that she was sleeping with another guy to spite me—a wild and disproportionate response to the thought that your S.O. may be seeing someone else.

So once I confirmed that this actually happened, I ghosted her and all her drama, focused on my schoolwork (which led to my first 4.0), and then went along with my life.

People with BPD are notorious for doing stuff like this. It’s the reason why a popular book covering the illness is called Stop Walking On Eggshells (affiliate link):

They’ll cry about a lack of communication but then ignore you when you reach out to them.

They’ll go on about how lonely they are while sleeping with one of their (or even your) “friends” behind your back.

They’ll say you’re too stupid to complete a task but discredit you when you do it, and then raise the bar higher so you won’t reach the new mark.

After a while you won’t know what to do because she’ll never be satisfied. And everyone else will chalk it up to you not knowing how to treat a woman.

No-win situations and constant testing are common to those in relationships with these people—especially in regards to anything sexual. So I presume the invite was a test to see if I was some dirtbag who would cheat on his partner.

Now I’d hesitate to call it cheating either way since she ignored my attempts to directly communicate, and I had no idea what our relationship status was.

But the other “fact” she gathered was that I was a player who enjoyed casual sex (an assumption that would have driven a younger me mad with laughter).

Look, I understand that I don’t have a squeaky-clean Christian boy appearance—going through trials doesn’t purify the outside after all.

But that doesn’t mean I partake in the same activities those who look like me may be into. And it for sure doesn’t mean that my moral character is anything different than what I present on this site.

Of course it doesn’t help that I’m black either…but I won’t go down that road.

I should also note that I don’t have a personal Facebook or Instagram account. So it’s tough for others to know much about my life unless they read this site or talk to me or my loved ones personally.

This blank space makes me an easy target for accusations since I can be unknowingly attacked through mediums where I can’t defend myself. And there are no videos of me playing with my dog to fill the holes left by my “shady” lifestyle.

Usually this isn’t a problem as most of the people I meet don’t care about my online presence. But of course there’s always one person who assumes the worst case scenario. And it’s sad that in my case, this person was someone I genuinely liked before.

These obsessive behaviors were nothing new though:

This same girl cried sobbed in the middle of one of our classes—when we were both in our twenties mind you—because I didn’t initially return her interest.

She would go from spaced-out to depressed and then stare at me like it was my fault.

She even accused me of cheating after seeing a pic my mom took of me when I was at dinner with my family.

So you can imagine the relief I felt when I closed the door on that for good.

At this point, the only ones who still believe her lies—or to be fair to the illness she has, her reality—are people I’ve never met.

But I’m not even mad anymore. I’m just annoyed that my life is still negatively affected because I fell for the wrong girl.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the honest truth.

How to Craft Your Defense

So now that my story’s out of the way, how do you fight your own false accusations?

It’s not too difficult.

Just follow these 5 guidelines to protect yourself in both the present, and the future:

1) Remember the Alibi

As tempting as it is to piece together a story that makes you look like a saint, you have to ensure the truth you present is actually…well, true.

Since I couldn’t remember all this off the top of my head, I dug through my old emails and group conversations to get the timeline right. And I could always use them again if legal action was involved.

It also helps that I have an archive of posts here that clearly present my personality and the mistakes I’ve made.

You can even compare this post to the one I wrote on BPD earlier and you’ll see numerous similarities. If anyone thought I was lying, they could search the other 40+ posts here too to see that the story adds up.

But if you don’t have thousands of words as supporting evidence, just take your time, breathe, and write down what happened as best as you remember.

False accusations can cloud your memory when you first hear them, and your emotions will push for a raw defense. But if you start writing what you remember, you can put that passion to good use now, and update your writing later with more facts.

A story set in writing will be a great resource to have. You don’t want to lean on your memory or your speech when the pressure’s on.

If you write down what happened, you’ll also find other bits of evidence you’ll need to prepare your defense. And if your audience is really concerned with the truth, they’ll take all the info they can get.

2) Compare the Fruit

Perhaps the easiest way to expose the shakiness of false accusations is to note the shakiness of the accuser’s lifestyle.

This is by far my least favorite technique though since it appears to be an attack on character instead of the accusation itself. But understand that those two targets aren’t mutually exclusive.

A person who usually acts one way is almost certain to do it again.

And no, that fact isn’t judgmental. It’s simple probability.

This is going to sound like I’m bragging about my accomplishments and attacking her character, but let’s compare some notable points about my life and my accuser’s:

I improved to at least a 3.5 GPA in my last four college semesters within a STEM major. But I’ll admit my accuser was booksmart, so we’re pretty much even there.

I have never gotten blacked-out drunk (or even consumed alcohol). I have never taken an illegal substance. And I have never lived a promiscuous lifestyle. My accuser has done, and probably still does, all three.

I landed a stable job in my field more than a month before I graduated, and I’m still employed there today. My accuser barely held a job as a bar server about a year after graduating with the same degree.

Again, I don’t like expressing my achievements, and I never want to attack anyone’s character. We all make mistakes, and I made one of the biggest mistakes any student ever will (which she contributed to by the way).

But when someone’s lifestyle displays a clear pattern of incompetence, recklessness, and mental instability, the validity of their claims also takes a hit.

And that’s without mentioning that I’ve written the equivalent of a book here at HFE—a site where I cover my own shortcomings just as much, if not more than my accomplishments—on my own time and dollar because I believe it will help others.

So knowing all this, let me ask you, who do you think is telling the truth?

A tree’s fruit always gives it away.

Know who you are and know who you’re dealing with so any other lies are dismissed as the jokes they are.

3) Change “I” to “We”

The most unfortunate thing about false accusations is that no one’s waiting to hear a verdict.

As soon as those words leave your accuser’s mouth, you will be facing much more than one person.

Friends, family, social circles, even whole communities may turn against you.

And what began as a defense against one liar becomes a battle against an entire army.

So what do you do when this multitude of warriors stands against you?

It’s simple.

You gather the troops.

Find people who can vouch for your story. Get help from friends who aren’t blinded by the lies. Ask people who were neutral bystanders to explain what happened since they’re not biased.

I know I can get anyone from former classmates, friends, and family members to acknowledge the truth of my claims.

And since I know the mental issues my accuser deals with, I can also refer to a psychologist or another mental health resource.

An understanding of my accuser’s mind is one of the best counters to her claims. Yes, she acts in unstable ways, but they’re predictably unstable, and numerous people have experience with the problem I have now.

You shouldn’t be afraid to get professional help either.

Lawyer up if it’s serious enough.

Slander and libel are legit crimes. And if you can prove that your life is heavily impacted, especially financially, you may have a case.

So don’t go at this alone. You can bet your accuser isn’t.

4) Go One and Done

The biggest mistake people make when presenting any argument, defense, or reasoning is that they over-explain themselves.

Sure, you want to be as thorough as possible in your explanation, and you should reference points of that original argument to answer questions. But there’s no need to add to your stance or sate a mind that will never believe you.

If you’ve taken the necessary steps to present and defend the truth, you have to live with the results.

Learn to be comfortable with the fact that everyone won’t like, listen to, or believe you. Because the more you add to your original defense, the weaker it will appear.

You’ll also introduce more room for error. And it would be a shame for a memory lapse to cause an otherwise solid defense to fail.

Remember that it’s only your job to present the truth. Not to make others believe it.

I’m confident that my defense removes any ammo my accuser has left. So now the only claims she can bring against me are accusations of neglect—which don’t matter since I’m not her parent—or causing hurt feelings—which isn’t a crime in America yet.

I presented the truth one time, and now there’s no need to address her claims again.

Every accusation doesn’t deserve a response. So stay true to what really happened, and let people think what they want afterwards.

5) Don’t Even Fake It

These accusations have made me realize the importance of the Bible’s command to, “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” (1 Thessalonians 5:22 KJV)

It’s not enough to just avoid evil acts. You have to avoid situations where you could possibly do them too.

For instance, plenty articles on false accusations describe how to protect yourself against false rape claims. But if someone can accuse you of something like rape without an obvious fabrication, you are in over your head.

You can’t reach the point where a verdict is decided by a “yes” or “no.”

It’s one of the many reasons you shouldn’t sleep around in the first place. You are putting your life in the hands of someone who could easily change their mind in the morning. And you have to stay out of that gray area.

Remember to guard your character at all times. You never know when you’ll need to fall back on your integrity.

For example, I remember one conversation I had with a friend a few years back, and my accuser happened to be in the room.

My friend noticed that I received a few glances of interest from girls. So out of the blue he asked, “Drew, how many girls do you get?”

He chuckled while asking the question, so of course it wasn’t anything serious. He didn’t ask about anything explicitly sexual either.

So being the joker I am, I said something along the lines of, “I don’t know. I lost count.”

Then the both of us laughed it off.

But there’s a chance my accuser heard those words and immediately assumed the worst.

It would have been ridiculous to say something like:

“I’m sorry sir, but I am a Bible-believing man of God who has accepted the challenge to live righteously. How dare you imply that I live such a heinous lifestyle?!”

So I had a quick laugh and moved off the subject.

But even this could have added to her claims. So now I try not to even joke about stuff like that—at least not when I’m around people who barely know me.

You should do the same. But don’t limit your efforts to watching your tongue:

Always dress in a respectable manner.

Avoid the crazy nighttime venues—they’re magnets for people like my accuser.

And please don’t go to a hotel room belonging to a member of the opposite sex.

Presentation always matters.

Avoid the appearance of evil, and it’ll be impossible to even accuse you.

Grant Me That Chance

I’ve had enough headaches from my past relationship, and I’d rather not think about it anymore.

But it was important to defend myself here before any other false info leaked.

I hope none of it came across as too aggressive though. I wrote all of this to clear my name, not to get revenge.

From all I’ve seen, read, and now experienced, real victims don’t go out of their way to destroy their abuser’s life. They just want justice and a chance to finally move on.

So if anything else comes up about this, please remember this point and grant me that chance.

Contrary to what some people think, I don’t hate my accuser, and I hope she’s able to turn her life around.

If there was a normal version of her who didn’t have what she had, I’d love to meet her. But the ship has sailed on anything between me and the real her.

All I want now is peace and the freedom to live a good life. And I’m sure that’s all you want too.

So remember who you are, take a stand for the truth, and then defend it with your life.

And who knows? Someone else may come to your defense if you do.

-Drew

#truth

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