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heraldofcrow · 5 days

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Remember that one Tumblr thread where one person writes a huge rant about how much they hate Olaf the Snowman that gets progressively more insane and as if wasn't cursed enough someone responded with "I'd have less problem with this post if Olaf wasn't queer-coded"? Imagine this exchange but it's Ciaran writing ungodly long hateful rant about Smough an Gwyndolin's only reaction is "I'd have less problem with this post if Smough wasn't queer etc" idk

Ciaran: God I fucking hate Smough the Executioner so fucking much holy shit. Holy shit, every room he's in, every painting, every hallway, every execution ceremony, he's got this painfully vacant, stupid as shit, fuckass look on his stupid tiny face. Absolutely no part of his ugly as sin piece of shit armor design is endearing. His stupid fucking hammer? Who the hell uses a hammer for executions. His dumb flaily fucking disproportionate arms? His shitty, tiny bastard head? The three thousand percent unnecessary dumbass shitass fucking FAKE ARMOR BREASTS that no knight has EVER FUCKING HAD IN tHE HISTORY OF GWYN'S GREEN FUCKING EARTH? God, I hate him. I hate him so much. So FUCKING much. Every time I see a marble-carved statue Smough or a Smough painting or a shitty goddamn stained-glass portrait, it ignites my primal rage response and I'm overcome by the need to punt this shitty little homunculus into the fucking sun. "Bhurr blur, I'm Smough the fuckshit executioner fucker, I like eating people’s bones". Fuck you. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. You look like the Covetous Demon summoned a patronus. Your dumb fucking double-faced armor makes your whole shitty head look like a bulging skin tag. I hate your dumb fucking muffled perv laugh and your stupid, empty googly eyes and your over-the-top goofy ass jealous brown-nosing cannibal personality. Any time he's sad it invokes all the wrath and fury of a spoiled child having a meltdown over an Estus bar in a H*llowmart checkout line. And I know its irrational. That's the worst part. I know he's just a shitty fucking executioner in a stupid fucking different part of the castle, I know it doesn't matter, I know I shouldn't care. But that's part of the problem. The part where no matter the might and fury of my hatred, the locus of my homicidal intent is alltogether inconsequential. I find myself laying awake in the dark in the early hours of the morning consumed by the spirit of Chaos itself, all the force and might of a flaming hurricane directed at a bottle of piss in a ditch by the roadway. The absurdity of it all burns me to my core. What better things could this energy be directed towards? And yet my disdain for this stupid, useless, insubstantial failure of endearing armor design utterly eclipses the intrigue of all other pursuits. I hate him. I hate him on a level of my mind reserved for the worst of the world's array of sinners, and I can't even begin to justify it. Shitstick the Smough dick is, for all intents and purposes, the animated corpse of all of humanity's saccharine pretenses- every condescending, passive-aggressive statement of meaningless upper middle class Lordranian drama distilled into a single, hateable form. The fucking. Fuck. I have no words. There is no curse or epithet in any language that can encapsulate the height of the emotions I am experiencing. God, I hate him so much. I hate him so, so fucking much. I want to light his ugly little dumpster body on fire. I want to graphically beat him to death with his own stupid fucking hammer. I want to punch him to death. You know that weird feeling you get, when you see a picture of something so cute you find yourself overcome with the bizarre, inexplicable urge to squeeze it? It's EXACTLY like that, except instead of cuteness it's disgust. The wordless knowledge that his existence as a king’s executioner is evidence of all the failures of godkind. I find myself possessed by the will of a Holy Lord’s Blade gone rogue with the belief that Gwyn has made a mistake, and I alone must correct it. This is the trial by which Seath himself fell from grace. This wild, meaningless rage. A thousand blades of shining steel cast with inhuman force in the direction of a burlap travel sack floating on a breeze. What horrors must I have committed in a past life to be plagued by this torment now? I must Unmake this fake ass executioner.

Ornstein: holy shit you’re not wrong

Gwyndolin: I'd feel better about this whole rant if Smough weren't possibly queer. It might be largely the voice – the laugh, the inflection especially – but he's got massive "Ornstein’s gay sidekick" vibes. And if you're actively critiquing that? Sure, great, go all out. Hate whom you will. Say whatever you want about how "gay" is equated with "Ornstein’s silly sidekick used for hammer comedy, with no serious bearing on anything, literally human and treated by Serious God Co-workers as... well,a sidekick, peripheral to your life and safe to ignore.

But if you're not engaging critically with that aspect of Smough and are just overwhelmed with hatred whenever you see or hear or think about the possibly queer executioner and his mannerisms make you feel violent, that is a little bit. Uncomfortable. At best.

Ciaran: what on Gwyn’s green earth are you talking about

Artorias: See sometimes I wonder why I still haven’t left to battle the Abyss yet, and then conversations like this come along. Amazing.

Gough:

—

Original Post

#DRSTFYAGHU #YOU BROUGHT THIS UPON YOURSELF #I WILL TAKE ANY CHANCE TO MAKE DS BLORBO HELLPOSTS LOLL #smough the executioner #lord’s blade ciaran #knight artorias #dragonslayer ornstein #hawkeye gough #dark sun gwyndolin #dark souls #silly post #asks #mutuals

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heraldofcrow · 10 months

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reviving ciaranblr 🗡️🗡️🗡️ What are a few of your favorite headcanons for Lord's Blade Ciaran or the other Knights of Gwyn?

LET’S DO IT!!! 🗡️🗡️🗡️

I’m gonna do the cop-out thing with you and just drop my old backstory plan for her in headcanon/outline form because Ciaran deserves the attention 🖤🖤 (Some of our ideas are extremely similar, it’s hilarious!) (Also, sorry for how long this gets 💀).

Here, have this gif of her VA with the right hair too!!

—

🗡️ Ciaran was half-human, half-god. Her mother was of Gwyn’s race and her father was one of the early pygmies. This is why she was so small and aged differently.

🗡️ Ciaran was born mid-dragon war (I share the hc) and grew up in the depths of Anor Londo, back when it was more of a walled fort instead of a peaceful city.

🗡️ She never knew her parents as a child. Her earliest memories were of destruction, war, and the threat of dragon firestorms.

🗡️ She grew up thieving and roaming the slum streets with other lost children, always trying to survive the miserable days.

🗡️The people she stayed with were Declan, an older, dark-haired boy that had befriended her, and Aedan, her sickly, younger brother that she fought to protect.

🗡️Aedan was her only family, and her “little fire” of hope that kept her going through hard times.

🗡️Declan was a loyal friend and very street-savvy. He taught Ciaran how to pick locks, use knives, and con merchants.

🗡️Ciaran was Declan’s stealthy scout as well. She was very acrobatic and lithe from a young age, good at scaling buildings and slipping through windows.

🗡️They thieved to save up money. Declan wanted to escape the slums and fight in the war. Ciaran just wanted to ensure Aiden’s survival. Their environment was poor for his health.

🗡️One day these three were offered a chance to escape the city depths by a smuggler who demanded pay from anyone accepting his services.

🗡️Ciaran, Declan, and Aiden went along with a group of other youths with this smuggler, near to the outer walls of the city.

🗡️He betrayed them, and left through the wall with their money. They all panicked and tried to leave. The walls were dangerous because of looming dragon attacks.

🗡️A dragon did attack, showering the group in flame. Declan and Aiden perished, but Ciaran survived, albeit with horrible burn scars along her arms and neck. She was the only one to make it out because of her smaller size. The larger bodies shielded her.

🗡️A broken and bitter Ciaran swore revenge on the smuggler and planned to hunt him down. She became a killer then.

🗡️After years she could not find him, but her skills as both a mercenary and a thief brought her among the criminal networks.

🗡️She became a hired killer, helping rival gangs take each other down. She also became known as the Hornet after coating her knives in poison.

🗡️More years passed, and finally her reputation became expansive enough to earn her attention from political figures.

🗡️Certain protesters of the dragon-war around Anor Londo wanted Gwyn dead. One of these found Ciaran and offered to pay her an exquisite sum if she crossed over the walls to find him and drive a blade into his throat.

🗡️She accepted and began her hunt. Her journey over the walls was tumultuous, but soon she found the silver knight barracks where the armies slept.

🗡️Gwyn was among them. Ciaran meant to kill him in his sleep, and nearly did, but a mysterious figure stopped her.

🗡️A blue-robed assassin in a porcelain mask disarmed her. A Lord’s Blade.

🗡️Ciaran was captured and was going to be executed, but the Blade that had stopped her put up a protest.

🗡️The woman explained that Ciaran’s skill and reputation was not something to be taken lightly. Her skills could be useful.

🗡️Gwyn agreed, and demanded that Ciaran be made to become a Lord’s Blade under close supervision. Betrayal would mean instant death.

🗡️This is where Ciaran’s new arc began

🗡️She was forced into the group, and trained rigorously, initially against her will.

🗡️Her leader, Keira, was a strict disciplinarian and trained the women assassins to be ruthless warriors, obeying Gwyn’s every order.

🗡️Ciaran was better than all of her peers and excelled, earning a place at Keira’s side.

🗡️Along this time she met Ornstein, who encouraged her to feel loyal to Gwyn’s cause, as it would save the people of the slums in Anor Londo if the war ended.

🗡️One day, the barracks were attacked by an especially volatile dragon. Many of the knights were killed and the Lord’s Blades were caught in the middle, wounded and dying.

🗡️Keira was seriously injured, but told Ciaran to help Gwyn, who was outside the camp and in a dangerous position.

🗡️Ciaran obeyed and managed to save Gwyn’s life, along with another knight that had been with him.

🗡️She distracted the dragon, risking her own neck to draw him away. This gave Gwyn’s firstborn time to arrive and kill the beast.

🗡️After this Keira died of her wounds, and Ciaran’s act of heroism earned her Gwyn’s undying favor. He knighted her and named her the head of the Lord’s Blades.

🗡️ The knight that had been with Gwyn, Artorias, was first introduced to Ciaran through this event, and was smitten with the beautiful, fearless assassin that had risked everything to save her lord.

🗡️ This knighting by Gwyn changed Ciaran’s life, and afterwards she was given a secret document by Ornstein that revealed the history of Gwyn’s blades.

🗡️ Ciaran learned that the Blades were Gwyn’s faithful, cloaked assassins that worked for him in the shadows and snuffed out his enemies without hesitation, whether those enemies were dragons, traitors, or political rivals.

🗡️ Finally, Ciaran learned that Keira, the former leader, had been her biological mother, and there had been a statement placed in the document from Keira herself explaining that her role as a leader had been compromised.

🗡️ Biases, breaches of emotion, and attachments were forbidden among the Lord’s Blades, but Keira had fought for Ciaran’s life upon realizing the latter was her lost daughter. Keira had believed her entire family had perished, but had been given new hope upon seeing her daughter alive.

🗡️ Ciaran then understood that her mother had saved her life and given her the chance to redeem herself as a knight of Gwyn. She owed Keira everything, and afterwards her ambitions became set in stone. She would be Gwyn’s most deadly and trustworthy knight.

—

And that’s when the dragon-war ended, and the political drama began. Anor Londo was rebuilt in the Age of Fire, and Ciaran spent centuries hunting down Gwyn’s enemies with the mindset that nobody was as loyal as she—even the other knights.

She was cold and detached from the other three, usually spouting out the same reminders about how their relationship was only professional, and how if any of them betrayed Gwyn, she would kill them.

But was she really so detached? As a Lord’s Blade, she was notorious for keeping her emotions in check, but the little details, like accidentally calling Ornstein “Aedan” once or twice, or begrudgingly listening to Goughs ramblings were what revealed the subtle nature of her care.

The only one she could not understand was Artorias. At first she strongly disliked him because of his idealistic, overly-positive outlook on everything, and to make things worse, he was the only one that could see through her mask, her facade of nonchalance. This felt like a weakness to Ciaran, and so she did everything she could to push him away.

Yet it was Artorias in the end that Ciaran opened her heart to. Another story though, for another time mayhaps.

—

A few small things here:

I agree that she loved flowers and gardens too!

Her favorite food was hot broth with herbs and vegetables in it.

She was a cat person that had learned to tolerate Sif.

Her favorite color was green, like her lost brother’s eyes.

Artorias reminded her of a more innocent Declan, and Ornstein was very much a brother-figure. She often thought of Gough as some kind of docile uncle.

She preferred the rainy grey days of spring to any other time.

She never knew she was half human, and thought of humans as very cynical, dark beings.

Her former reputation in Anor Londo’s slums often came back to haunt her during missions.

Ciaran did not believe in supernatural occurrences or superstitions. She was very cold and rational.

She never divulged her past or her hidden traumas, but it was difficult to hide her reactions to these things at times.

The porcelain mask was Keira’s, but Ciaran altered her own unique headpiece and robe to be more “hornet-like.”

—

Ok, I’ll stop for now because I too have jumped right into fanfic territory, but as I said, Ciaran needs more focus, so I’m not ashamed 😔🥂

I want to go into her complicated relationship with Ornstein, her funny dynamic with Gough, and her deep bond with Artorias, but I’ll save that for another post, I think. I really love these four. I think they were a weird, misfit family.

Ornstein the stressed out, very tired lion-captain, Artorias the overly-excited, sunshine wolf-knight, Ciaran the cynical, very serious assassin, and Gough the chill archer-dad of the group.

Of course, this is just my interpretation, but it’s so fun to imagine all the possible dynamics 🥺

Anyway, thank you so much for letting me ramble like an insane person about my girl!! I have an old fanfiction for her outlined and ready to go in my docs that I really would like to work on again someday. That’s where I came up with all this stuff, so I appreciate you letting me talk about it again <3

Cheers!!

#sorry i went way off the rails too 🤣#i’m doing it for ciaranblr istg #we all gotta talk about her more <33 #lord’s blade ciaran #knight artorias #hawkeye gough #dragonslayer ornstein #four knights of gwyn #asks #mutuals #dark souls

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