#its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it

[moeblob]

I am really tired of a situation rn.

#fe three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet! #anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine #can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 ! #why am i getting your insurance company calling me today ! #also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp #and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene #so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth #literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic #i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck! #im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like #bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved #cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered #idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy #got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam #and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified #there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them #and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious #its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #i have three medical appointments in the work day in the next three weeks #one on Thursday then two mid/late January and i know that its good bc i need these appointments but i get so #anxious that ppl ay work are mad at me for having so many #im also scared about thirsdays one bc its for my ankle and hand pain and ironically the hand is way better and the ankle is also #more stable. something clicked again a couple days ago and fixed the pain in half of ky foot. no idea what happened there but #the click itself hirt like a bitch which is new. most of my pain doesnt start with a click and most clicks are painless #so fun #im just in a permanent state of being afraid i wont be taken seriously. my physio wanted a scan on my foot so om gonna #relay that but like idk what theyre gonna say. also if they do want to swnd me for a scan that's gpnna be ANOTHER appointment #so fuck me i guess. at the very leasy its not like severe psin any more so they wont send me to a and e for an x ray like they did #with my hip that one time. that would fucking suck to explain tp my manager #hey julia im fine but ive been sent ro rhe hospital for a scan so i guess ill be back when im back? #fuck me im anxious. and i hace so much apprenticeship work tp do i want to scream #also was distracted by my aching hands bc often they just ache abd successfully triggered myself so bow time to play what #is actual acge and what is remembered ache oh joy #one of the other appointments is gender clinic appointment abd im hoping to get referred for top surgery now ive been on t #for 9 months. waiting list gonna be like four fucking years but debating saving like mad abd going private bc jesus Christ #i cant bind bc of sensory problems and constantly aching ribs and last time i taped i ripped chunks of skin off so kinda #think i shouldn't do that again but like it sucks. not as bad now that my voice is dropping abd shit but still not fun #we'll see!

[snailune]

wiki how do I stop spiraling about my life once every 2 weeks I'm getting sick of it

#personal #i just want to make things so bad #it hurts to even look at something anyones made bc im not doing it #i started so late and its still so hard. i got months without doing anything bc im just exhausted from daily life #if i spend more time with my girlfriends i feel like im closer to them but then i have no time for art #if im making something im spending less time with them #and i like my job so much. i really do. i even considered just saying fuck it and going into library sciences #but i still come home barely able or willing to talk sometimes. and i dont know how to fix that #and i feel so unfulfilled and extremely lonely even tho i have friends #but i can barely get myself to draw or write even when i have so many ideas #i feel so uncomfortable in my body and so tired of trying with therapists and doctors #all of it makes me so anxious i feel sick #so Frustrated i feel dizzy. and then i still cant do anything!!!! #i dont want to live here anymore i just want to be with everyone else. but everyone is moving away or planning to. us included #but no one in the same place. it makes me so sad #i dont know what to do or how to do it when i dont have motivation to do the bare minimum #maybe i just like torturing myself by thinking i can do the things i want instead of aceepting i cant. :/ cringes #for anyone that has somehow read this far ill be ok in like 20 minutes im just having a moment dw. im fine. will handle it like an adult #and not spend to much time thinking about this

[rohirric-hunter]

.

#prayers/well wishes appreciated #just had to call out of work on account of 101° f fever and uncontrollable shaking #which like is obviously the right choice #but now theres a very real chance i wont be able to make rent this month #but like first of all ill go to work when im all sorts of sick but i draw the line at 100° f+ fevers #thats my rule #and if i go outside in the cold with these shakes on the slick ice ill probably fall over #and i definitely dont want that #its probably fine because i was verbally told that i can pay rent up to 5 days late with no penalty. dont have it in writing but #and ill have another paycheck 2 days after rent is due that will more than cover the difference #ill call the office and let them know itll be a couple of days late theyre easygoing and it SHOULD be fine #but last time this happened to me i got an eviction notice and had to move out of my apartment on christmas eve #so im understandably anxious #this situation is totally different #these people are professionals my last landlord was a bitch who didnt like me #because i was on her case about renting out the other apartment before shed had the cockroaches dealt with #and because i demanded basic amenities such as the ability to close the window in the winter #itll be fine #but im anxious #and shaking #which is making the anxiety worse #anyway i think ill get some juice and then try to get back to sleep

[caffeinatedopossum]

Me: well I don't have any counting compulsions

Also me: (anytime I have to count anything) *recounts it at least 3 times because I think I counted it right... probably. but now I'm not sure and I have to check*

#i dont think i considered this might not be normal until just now #this might actually be why physically sitting down to fill out a math sheet is torture to my soul #but i also know math just fine. its just the anxiety about counting things wrong #its worse when theres physical things involved though like when im cooking because im convinced #that im gonna majorly fuck up #idk if this is normal or not but i straight up count to 5. normally and correctly. and then suspevt i was wrong #and have to redo it again and again until i get so frustrated that i have to convince myself whatever it fucks up cant be that bad #i think it would be a big problem if i was counting something important or anything at a higher number though #but thankfully the most important thing i count is cups of rice that go into my rice cooker lol #also still doubting wether i have ocd or not but goddamn. the word 'probably' has single handedly impacted my brain chemistry forever #i think... probably :') #god forbid i be sure of anything ever #lmao oof i just remembered some things. time for a small tags trauma rant i guess #so I remember never being sure of anything ever as a kid. for some reason i was so anxious and unsure #that the only thing i thought i knew to be true for sure was my faith in my religion #lol needless to say... i deconverted at 16-17 #now idk for real man. i was wrong about the only thing i was certain of #not sure how to recover from that #obviously im never going back to that religion. it was so incredibly harmful idk if i could even put it into words #but at the same time... im not sure why i doubt everything #or more accurately im not sure how everyone else DOESN'T #how can they be so self assured? how can they know anything? how are they #how is anyone so sure of something that theyre just at peace with never thinking about it or doubting it or questioning it #ive never had that i dont think

[justabunchofdragons]

hello o7

#chaos.txt #aughhh im so tired. not enough spoons to do private life updates so im just... sending it out to everyone #uhmmm im doing good! have not made as much progress on my neocities as i wanted :/ studying is going well though #still quite stressed but less so because i have Been studying #working on a few new carrds + paintings #would like to do some digital art studies .. clouds and landscapes they are calling me .. #what else. i went to go watch astv again! it felt revolutionary in a different way the second time #but i cannot economically justify going again! excited to have it on streaming because i would LOVE to do some scene redraws #listening to worlds beyond number + very much obsessed. been also squinting at a few commentary ytbers cuz some of the stuff they say is.. #not. great. i don't fully like em. hm. also been organising my files etc etc. made a cute notion that im not using! as expected #thinking about writing some fic tbh . had some epic watcher ideas a while ago that i would like to explore #im going to ... schedule this. for tomorrow. not in the headspace to . speak . to people. aa. its fine #i miss u guys. i think. i am so anxious and stressed all the time !! aagh. so dramatic. so dramatic chaos. what a mess. goodbye lads #see uuu all . in maybe 10 days .nods. maybe another life update in 10 days. because my exam is in 20 #this exam is so so so important guys. idk. why it feels more important than everything else ive done for the application process but it doe #and it. stresses .me .out. ok gbye forreal now

[grimmthorne]

rlly wish I wasn't so needy and clingy 👍mentally ill shit in the tags lol

#i just feel stupid for needing so much reassurance i hate it #i genuinely hate it #i cant stand that fact about myself sometimes. anxious attatchment or smth i guess #just. fucking. can i get a moment where im not freaking out. #please. #and like i never shut the fuck up im like incapable of not talking about everything on my mind and it stresses me out #bc i feel like im dumping everything out of my brain and that someone is eventually going to go jesus christ youre so annoying #jesus christ youre so needy and clingy and desperate for attention and its pitiful .. i hate it! truly hate it! #bc when i eant to bring it up it feels so stupid. ppl have lives idiot they cant pay attention to you all the time #im just. idk. ill go cry about it and be fine or whatever im just so overdramatic all the fucking time

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#uuuuummmmmm hypomania? bitch what? like huh? huh????????? #fucking hello???? like that's fucking like clearing whats happening at this moment #like i mean. im still grounded but like high energy. notably elevated mood. deminished need for sleep. im like fucking on right now #and but like i really really should not b. like hello? #but like its weird bc like what does that mean? like it happens every so often like too much energy that feels unhinged #but like it doesnt really affect my life too much it just feels kinda wild and upsetting to me bc its like not in control #but like i mean right now this is notable with respect to what i normally experience. like energy higher and mood higher than normal #like its midnight and im not even a little tired after having a fucking week like what??? #not looking forward to when this breaks and i crash. but like whats the pattern her? how long has this been happening? #im gonna have to start tracking my mood bc idk i feel like im noticing it more now. like i dont remember this happening always cyclically #and like in the past it usually lasts like a day or ill have a few days where im like high energy but also fried and kinda up and down #but like im not going like full on way way high for long periods of time. but its hard to tell bc i have so much emotional dissonance #like ill have this like frantic energy while im standing completely still and i wanna grin in an unhinged way but its black static down #thr middle. so its like am i happy? and i depressed? fucking idk. im usually mostly depressed i think as a product of being so anxious all #the time. i don't usually go super low out of nowhere. i mean. i think its more linked to hormore stuff but i also think this is as well #idk its weird just. thoughts. i should start tracking my mood and ya kno also probably talk to a doctor #but like im about to lose my parents health care as i turn 26 and also fucking atrocious executive function #issues. like. it feels like my brain has holes in it. or i heard my lab mate say she was worried she had a brain tumor #bc its just like. something is not functional in the way its supposrd to be. ya kno? but like its fine #i mean. its not fine but like its fine #sigh. god im gonna forget to track this shit. like im already like my braun is disintegrating in my skull #can i pls be exused from being an adult while i have some sort of episode lol. but like idk #itll b fine. ive got a level head and an analytical brain and big control issues so i can keep myself on the rails #dispite the trashfire haha. ugh wtf do i do tonight tho. lay here abd try to sleep i guess #hope the mood stays up tomorrow so i dont like collapse into a puddle #ay ay ay. interesting. very interesting #im like a commit pinging around. a pinball bounding of those little pin thingys. ill meet with my boss Tuesday like yooooooo #idk if u havent clearly noticed but ive been a bit ya kno emotionally #unstable ✌️ or maybe ill b back to my normal sad sack self by then lol. idk weird vibes. real weird vibes but good 4 now #unrelated

[toytulini]

.

#toy txt post #i guess i just need to find a different job since this one seems to be. not great for me #but i also like. dont know what wont be bad for me. like sorry i just dont think there are jobs that are accessible to me that arent going #to feel Like This #at least in some way. and this one has good insurance and shit. and if i can get my shit together it has fucking. paid community service #time that i could theoretically use to like. volunteer at the aquarium or smth and have a day off for it and get paid by my job #which could be a foot in the door to a career that i am interested in but im just fucking. stuck and fatigued and in pain and wallowing and #have no fucking energy and i cant do anything and im fucking nocturnal and i joke about it and i was fine with it but i hate it i hate #not seeing the fucking sun and i miss my old job which is INSANE but i know what i miss about that job was #that it was part time. and i regret not doing more with that #but im also allergic to normal hours i guess i dont fucking know #i know part of it is prolly just feeling profoundly out if control of my life so i just stay up bc at least thats quiet time for me #w no expectations but thats not even tru bc i shoukd be at least doing my fucking laundry or smth cos it would make sense #and the fucking answer to so many of my issues rn is like just do that then or just stop doing that then but i cant i dont know why im just #like this ive always been like this stupid useless cant fucking do anything cant fix my shit just fucking wallowing and angry and doing #nothing and its just gotten worse cos now i have fucking chronic pain and fatigue and now i REALLY do FUCKALL #im depressdd and anxious and in pain i should get a therapist but thats hard and i dont fucking trust ppl #i should move out and maybe that would help bc i wouldnt feel like i have to wear a mask around my own house but im barely functioning #as is w a lot of support from my mom i cant fucking live on my own #not to mention the whole country being so fucking. Bad rn. ive done nothing all day not even resting #and tomorrow ill wake up too late and be in a rush and in pain and tired and just #i dont fucking know #im so miserable and lately so many topics can just send my stupid little brain just Spiralling but i dont want to say that i dont want ppl #to feel weird for talking about fucking college. i dont want to sit here being so bitter that something in my brain broke about school #im happy for ppl who can do their fucking college shit i just. smth wrong in my brain and i cant dwell on it and i try not to be too #outwardly negative about it cos i dont want ppl to feel like they cant talk to me about it or smth idk #rambling and venting and im gonna hit tag limit lmao for sure #been having the same goddamn problems nonstop for my whole life and its just that i cant fucking do anything #i have too much shit i should rid of #whatever

[hyperionshipping]

I'd really like the praise of my f/is for going to the dentist so. One hundred thousand kisses should be good

#only almost cried a billion times #was genuinely so fucking anxious like to the point of getting sick and had to consistently remind myself to count my breaths #but i did it #and well. i have to go back. multiple root canals and possibly surgery for my wisdom teeth and its very overwhelming for someone with #(severe) dental trauma. like straight up idk how well im gonna be with the root canals if i understand correctly how many i need #but. its. going to be fine. #idek how to go about with the referral for wisdom teeth or if my insurance covers it/will put me under under and not just numb me. its. #yeah. wish my mom was doing that bit #tricks rambles

[altruistic-meme]

im being so totally and perfectly normal about the volunteer thing

#im anxious as hell about it cjajdjsjjs #WHY #WHY AM I ANXIOUS I WANT TO DO IT #but their thing says bg check and idk if id have to go on beforehand for that or whatnot #which basically means I'm gonna have to go up there and ASK #and im just ;;; nervous ;;;;;;; #but ik ill probably enjoy it and if i dont i can literally just leave but hghhhh #THE SOCIAL AMCOETY IS STRIKING ME HARD #and i dont even want to tell anyone irl bc then theyll just pressure me to do it anyway #and then ill feel wven WORSE if the anxiety wins #bc then ill have to deal with their disappointment TOO #but also im just a wreck about it for no reason ??? #sigh #its fine its chill we've got this #ill try and go up tomorrow to talk to them about it #and that way i can kinda gauge the vibes of the place too ya know?? #yeah. yeah. sounds like a solid plan. #shh ac

[callouiee]

x

#idk if ive ranted about my #mid year (summer semester) yet here #but here we go #i mean its been fine up until this week #(technically my finals) #cause i have two final presentations in the same week #along with some discussion forums (but im almost done w these) #and looking at my english presentation genuinely makes me so #anxious that i might throw up #i still dont know how i'll proceed w mh presentation #(thats on friday 😵‍💫) #and it kinda makes me sad how ive lost affection #w english as a subject #whenever i have to take a major class #i always feel nervous #just cause this school succeeded in making me #understand that im below mediocre #anyway #i just have to make it through this week and i'll be #okay again #at least for three weeks lol #uni diaries

[steampoweredskeleton]

.

Ignore

#delete later #the decision between microdosing bg3 spoilers in order to msybe reduce the amount i will be overwhelmed when playing it #anf not looking at anything bc the interest level is getting to the point of i may end up having a panic attack #i saw one of the voice actors is from near where i grew up and got super excited bc no one ever knows my hometown and that #has NOT helped so now i know im getting pulled in whether i want to or not. so noe its just trying to mediate its effects #try and make it so i dont get so overwhelmed that i start having panic attacks and meltdowns #i think im just gonna have to stay away from his character completely until ive properly chilled. no idea why but any like #thing where my hometown is mentioned just makes me super syper super happy and that is like the QUICKEST way for me #to get panic level overwhelmed #its a really odd one and i really dont understand why it happens but it does #microdosing may be the wwy to go otherwise ill build it up to the point that i won't be able to play it bc of the anxiety #autism is wild i rly wish i didnt have it. in good news i problem solved very well today. it did make me so exhausted and #overstimulated that i couldnt do anything else today but hey. i still managed. im so anxious about next week. itll be fine though #also since i haven't had a media special interest for a hot minute ive been able to become more aware of the bits of it that are #unhealthy in terms of my mental health abd im gonna have to do a lot of picking abd choosing what to interact with #which is going to make media special interests straight up less fun but also i know that that shit can fuck up ny brain #way more than like bugs or folk tales. #one of which is avoiding stuff about the real ppl behind it bc cementing stuff ij reslity with real ppl can make things worse #in my brain bc i tend to gave difficulty seperating ecerything anyway #i daydream constantly and i need that to stay with fictional things bc if it goes into reality things it starts to get way worse #this ended up being a weird rant about how my brain struggles to stay in reality but that's fine ignore me

[stupidnaturals]

.

#GAH hate not knowing how ppl feel about me #bc i used to be SUPER close friends w this person like they were ~25% of th reason i came back to my uni town after moving away last summer #and i keep texting them like ' hey we should meet up sometime! ' and they respond ' omg YES 100% i have SO much i need to catch you up on ! #unfortunately i am out of town every single day. also so busy. ' #and like yeah okay college very busy life very crazy. but how are you out of town every single day and also why have you NEVER reached out #and i saw them in person at target and they seemed genuinely pleased to see me! and also said something like #' we gotta hang out i have so much to tell you!! *ill* message *you* ' in a way that seemed to convey guilt at ^^ all that #but then how in the WORLD do you happen to be driving out of town immediately after the one event i know we'll both be going to??? #and also casually gracing over the fact i also mentioned getting dinner beforehand?? #also i dont know any reason they wouldnt like me unless its one of those ' im autistic and didnt notice you getting fed up w me ' #or if theyre just actually that busy or too anxious to see people or anxious to reach out or fucking whatever #and like even when i saw them at target they told me a bunch of stuff that i dont tthink youd say to a random acquaintance #which if they do still like me makes sense! bc we were super duper close once! but doesnt make sense if they dislike me/want me to go away #like UGH just either ask me to hang out or say yes to a hang out or tell me to fuck off already!!!! #oh and ALSO the one time we DID have plans we didnt set an exact time but they texted me at like 11 and said ok we can hang out now until 2 #or they texted me at 11 and said ' i work at 2 but i dont think thats gonna be a problem also are you okay w hanging w my roomies too ' #and i know their roomies so thats fine but i was like ??? WHAT shouldnt be an issue? r you gonna call off to hang out for more than 3 hrs? #or are you gonna friend break up w me so it wont take 3 hours #anyway i was like uhhh shit we didnt set a time so im actually at a tattoo place like an hour away w my roomie? #so we rescheduled for the next day when uh oh they hung out w someone who was exposed to covid so had to cancel again! #i cant think of a single reason they wouldnt like me except that they never did but we had an activity together so they were stuck w me #and they seemed genuinely happy to see me and also seem upset declining plans but like if thats true what the FUCK is happening???? #anyway this was a mile long if you e read this far i love u if you have tips feel free to reply or dm me

[yousaytomato]

Trying my hardest not to be anxious and sad about things that have already happened and that I can't do anything about now. But How

#woes of emily #work shit. which wasn't entirely my fault but was my fault enough and :( #like. if a customer is mad at me i dont care but when a colleague is it makes me sad and anxious and i hate it #and just. the way she dealt with me was bad idk #like she was like. i wouldn't have done that. you shouldn't do that. you should have noticed that #if you'd said i would have helped #like I'm still so new if im doing something wrong just tell me!! just step in!! just help #like now i can't even defend myself #and now I'm worried even though its probably fine #like either in a month i will have forgotten all about it #or. it'll be a big thing and I'll be fired from my job so <3 #maybe not actually fired but. it could be bad #but also. more likely. literally it will be fine forever idk :/ #it's just been a long week and I've felt like crying all afternoon #and i met up with my friend which was nice but now I'm two stupidly expensive cocktails deep #also also. i got a text saying that basically I'm no longer going to be registered with a gp practice #but thinking about doctor/medical stuff literally makes me want to kms sooooooooooooooo. not helping #sorry. feeling emotions and they're going here #need sleep. more than anything

[amlovelies]

.

#ive been feeling some weird anxiety lately around social media #i dont know if its the internalized cringe #or just that ive onserved some pettiness which is making me anxious #(none of my mutuals btw) #and i know its stupid and but i spend so many years being made fun of and teased #that sometimes i cant help but shut down #afraid im going to do and say the wrong thing #and people wont like me anymore #theyll have figured it out that im a waste of time and space #and yeah it stupid but its still there #and i just want to ramble about my silly little stories #without worrying about being right or wrong or that someone somewhere is laughing at me #anyways im total fine and healthy and normal #just ignore me #aml talks