#i daydream constantly and i need that to stay with fictional things bc if it goes into reality things it starts to get way worse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fatgothgf · 4 years

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i cannot believe 2020 brought me back so far into fandom shit that i’m reading hundreds of thousands of words worth of hannibal fanfiction on the daily

i need to get my license and a car next month or i’m gonna.. i dont know what im gonna do. i will maybe just combust.

i only sink deep into fandom hyperfixations when im depressed and isolated, but im NOT really any more depressed and isolated than normal, its just the state of the world rn, i cant leave my house i can barely see my friends i CANT see my older family members and all i have to fill the void is.. this. fictional worlds, more interesting and romantic versions of reality. constantly daydreaming, always thinking about tiny stupid details.

but i didnt do this to myself, this time. covid-19 forced me to return to depressive routines bc staying home and not seeing people is the responsible thing to do. but it’s also exactly what i do when i’m sad. i feel like im choking. i’m fine. there’s an empty void in my soul but it’s not real. nothing is real anymore!

i sound bad, i sound unhinged, but i am genuinely doing great, like, i’m happy and i’m stable and surviving. as much as one can living in america rn. but i feel like, restless and insatiable and strange in a way i have not since the lowest pit of my depression, i dont know what is going on but im unhappy about it.

i want to wake up, i want to stop daydreaming. i trained myself to crave reality instead of this, to keep myself afloat. present. but there is no reality to come back to, i wake up and have no choice but to return to the fantasy world, because i cannot see friends, i cant take a long drive alone, i can’t ground myself. i am ok, but i am acutely aware that the area i find myself bobbing around on the surface of the water is the deep end, and if i stop swimming i will drown

#dont reblog #hi this was meant to be a joke post but i needed to get this out

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aronasnack · 4 years

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circles ⎮ aròn piper fiction

summary: flying back to madrid leaves ur heart feeling heavy bc you know you were bound to reconnect with ur past.

characters: arón piper x bella alvarez (o/c)

author's note: this is the start to a series! ps sorry for the terrible spanish, i'm using google translator BAHAHHA :') in this storyline, aron is 23 when he starts filming elite. :)

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pt. 1 ⎮ pt. 2 ⎮ pt. 3 out now!

word count: 1,489.

This can't be happening. You knew you were bound to meet him when you returned to Madrid, but you never imagined in a million years that you'd run into him in the club the both of you used to party frequently together, and needless to say, on the very first night back to your hometown. You had been trying to suppress the thoughts of him ever since you entered the club. Despite the club looking completely different as compared to when you were last here, the atmosphere it had with the blasting of hip-hop and r&b music, the high that you were feeling, the view of hips swaying, strangers making out with strangers, and everyone else dancing their night away, it was all too familiar. Four years ago, you were here, dancing your night away with the love of your life, hoping that the night would never end as you swayed your hips against his, loving every moment you spent with him. Crazy how four years went by, and everything's changed, here you were trying to run away from the very guy you once thought was the love of your life. You could still hear him calling and running after you, but you just weren't ready to face him. After so many years, you never expected to meet him in such a manner, you were expecting to bump to him in the streets, or in a mall, where you could just look away and walk off. However, it seemed like someone was playing a joke on you, forcing you to have a conversation with someone you've been trying so hard to forget over the past four years. You quickly run to the dance floor that was packed full of people, squeezing your way through the swarm of drunkards that were dancing like there was no tomorrow. You couldn't hear him anymore with the loud music that was almost ear-deafening, and you thought that you were safe enough for him not to find you, so you turned around to make your way to your friends.

"Bella, where have you been? you've been gone for almost an hour." Miguel rushes to examine you, worried that something might have happened. "I was resting in the loo, and... well, i bumped into him." you replied cautiously as you knew they had been trying to resist mentioning him the entire night. You had noticed how your friends stopped talking as soon as they were about to mention him, but changed the topic because they were trying to be considerate of your feelings. " you met arón! ...oh, so did you guys talk?" your friends questioned, after all, they were friends with him. All of you, together with his group of friends, used to hangout frequently together. You knew some of them were still close friends with him, but the fact they were your close friends first, before meeting Arón, is the very reason why they are still here after the breakup. You shooked your head and sighed, "i'm not here to deal with whatever i left in the past. it's unnecessary." the group stays silent because you clearly weren't in the mood, and then Miguel says, " alright now you freaks, we're here to party, so let's cheers to Bella being back!!" All of us smile and laugh, realising that he was right, and we cheers our glasses together, yelling, "WELCOME BACK BELLA!!!!!"

The night continued until it was 4 in the morning, and damn, half of your group were drop dead wasted, and you were barely sober when you guys all made your way out of the club. They were going to send the drunk ones home first, and they forced you to go home first since you had a long flight and a very long night as well, so there you were alone outside the club, in your coat, waiting for your cab home. Lighting your cigarette, you take a puff, and felt the heaviness that was weighing your heart down lifted. You had been smoking for the past four years, as a coping mechanism to deal with all the sudden changes in your life over the few years. You smiled to yourself as you had enjoyed the company of your friends that you hadn't met all this while, and that smile dropped when you see someone suddenly yanking your cigarette away, dropping it on the floor, standing in front of you. "We need to talk."

You look up to see Arón staring down at you, and it sent shivers down your spine, because those hazel orbs that you were looking at used to be your major weakness. "i have nothing to say to you," before you look away to turn around and walk away from him. However, with a sudden grab on your left wrist and a strong pull, you were struggling to keep up with a fuming Arón taking you to an alley near the club. "what the hell do you want from me?" you yelled at Arón as he finally stops pulling you into the alley. You touch and look at your wrist, only to see how red it is, and you knew it was definitely going to turn into a bruise. Seething with anger, you looked up, ready to curse and swear at Arón, and you stopped when your eyes meets his equally fiery eyes that softens when he asks you, "so you smoke now?" Seriously, did this guy just drag you here just for this. "i don't have the energy for this. my ride is coming." you turn to walk away once again, and again, he grabs your arm to pull you back to face him. "when did you come back?" he asks you another question. You knew he wasn't going to let you leave until you answered his questions, so you replied him stoically, "yes. and this morning." you tilt your head up to take a look at him and you swear, you saw his eyes glistening, and for that split second, he seemed sad. "it's nice meeting you again. you look.." arón's eyes wander from your body to your face and smirks, "beautiful." Hearing his compliment didn't leave you feeling surprised or happy, instead you were rather indifferent, replying "i wish i could say the same. just a word of advice, lock the door next time. my ride's here so goodnight arón." before turning away to catch your cab. As you walked away, Arón continues to stare at you until you got into your cab, and he whispers, "i miss you."

You laid back in the cab, groaning at the encounter you just had with your ex. Saying you were uncomfortable was an understatement. The night was great, but running into your ex with a girl on him and furthermore, having to be alone with him in a desolate alley was the last thing you could have ever imagined how your night would have panned out. As your thoughts started to wander around the thought of that awkward encounter, you found yourself daydreaming about how good he looked in that blue striped shirt, with his luscious curls that you once loved twirling so much. "señora, hemos llegado," your driver informs you that you've arrived at your apartment, snapping you out of the thoughts you were having of Arón. fortunately. You returned home, quickly washing up and got into bed because you were exhausted from all the travelling and partying, and you knock out at the drop of a dime.

the next few days, you stay home to unpack your luggages and arrange the furnitures to make your apartment more homely and cozy. it was nice having some time off to recuperate because you've been working consecutively for multiple productions back in the States, and you had barely any breather. thus, the time you had before starting the new netflix production was a great chance for you to relax and focus on your well-being. however, rest was over. it was finally the day for you to meet the cast of the new netflix production as you were heading down to the studio to do the first reading of the scripts with them. you had already met the crew prior to moving to madrid, as they flew out to LA to discuss on the script and some technical parts with you. you were ready for a new chapter in your life, to direct a series that was in your native language. it was exciting for you. you made your way down to the studio with a ferrari f430, that you had bought a few days ago so that you didn't have to constantly rely on cabs as a mode of transportation. you arrive at the studio shortly after, smiling, ready to welcome the cast into the family. "chicas y chicos, meet the directors whom you'll be working with closely." your smile falls, oh god, this can't be happening.

pt. 3 out now!

#aron piper #aron piper imagine #aron piper x reader #aron piper ff #aron #ander munoz #ander #aron piper imagines #fanfiction #elite cast #elite #elite netflix

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