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heartbrokenct · 3 years

Text

without you - jjh

pairing idol!jung jaehyun x reader

genre fluff + the slightest bit of angst

word count 5.7k (i know)

warnings get ur tish ready b, this is-...

summary Jaehyun is sent to the US for a music study, but what he doesn’t expect is to leave with a lot more than just music theory.

a/n i was going to make this a multi-part thing just so i could keep it short but i figured why not make it one huge fic. anyway, pls lmk if you enjoy this!

“Oh, come on, loser. It’ll be great! Besides, what is one small blind date going to do? Nothing, exactly! So get dressed and do whatever, and be ready to go at 7.” Your friend rambled on the other side of the phone, and you rolled your eyes.

“How in the hell do you always manage to convince me to make the dumbest decisions?” You say, slightly annoyed. Apparently one of your cousin's friends was “on the market” and of course your cousin decided to make plans for you and this friend of theirs without even asking you beforehand. Hell, you didn’t even know what this "friend" looked like. After a few more minutes of your cousin desperately getting you to agree, you laughed and hung up, realising the time was just past 4pm, and the date was in only 3 hours.

Quickly jumping into the shower, you heard your phone ringing again, and assuming it was your cousin, back to bother, you ignored it and got busy getting clean and fresh. After the shower came the skincare routine, as usual, and after that the terrifying choice of “what to wear on a first date with a stranger” loomed over you as you stared at the numerous possible outfits in your closet. Sighing, you start to yank things off hangers and try them on, twirling in the mirror and doing a few greeting motions, trying to gauge what you’d look like. You caught sight of yourself as you were taking off a top, and noticed just how great you looked, instantly getting a boost of confidence.

You checked your phone quickly and noticed a missed call and a few texts from an unknown number, so you unlocked it and took a closer look.

#### : Hey, this is Jaehyun. I got your number from your cousin, they mentioned that we should probably decide on where to go but if you don’t mind, I made some reservations at this restaurant.

#### : Address.

#### : Does 7pm sound okay?

You checked the time stamp on the message, and gasp. He’d messaged you almost an hour and a half ago, so you quickly typed a few messages in response, and hoped that he wouldn’t be too upset. And you hadn’t even gotten the chance to set your phone down when it dinged again, and another message popped up on the screen.

Blind-date guy : Oh wow, I was beginning to think you were standing me up before the date even began.

Blind-date guy : I’m just joking! Please don’t stand me up again, I truly can’t go through the night again with 5 waiters giving me sympathy pats on the back.

At that, you let out a small laugh, and wonder suddenly if he was some creep who just emanated those vibes. Honestly, leave it up to your family to prank you like that. They mentioned he was some sort of celebrity in Korea, but was here in the states studying music.

Blind-date guy : Was that too much info? That was definitely too much info… Hopefully I’ll see you tonight!

A smile graced your features, and you gave him an affirmative response before frantically turning towards the closet with a rather worried look. The address he had sent you was of a pretty upscale restaurant, and you weren’t sure if you had anything nice enough to wear. Plus, it was almost 40 minutes away from your place, which meant almost an hour and a half with the traffic in your city. You sighed, and double checked the time. Almost 6pm. Screaming, you decided on something elegant but also pretty casual, and grabbed your favorite pair of shoes to match. After one last look over in the mirror, you snapped a pic and sent it to your cousin, who called you while you were rushing to your car to tell you just how great you looked.

“Jaehyun’s going to be drooling all over you. He loves that fashion style, and the fact that you just look so exquisite… yeah hopefully you wore something nice underneath too!” They quipped, and you gasped, laughing and telling them off, before thanking them quickly and hanging up.

Almost 75 minutes later, you got to the address Jaehyun had sent you and you marveled at the exterior of the building. It looked so wonderful, and the smell of the food emanating from inside only reminded you of how hungry you were. Rushing inside, you went up to the hostess, and said you were here under a reservation for Jaehyun. She smiled, giving you a knowing look before leading you to a table near the back where it was more quiet.

You knew who he was even before the hostess motioned you to the right table. He just looked kingly, and his presence seemed to draw everyone’s attention all at once. His face looked a bit nervous, but as soon as he looked at you, it seemed to drain from his face and was quickly replaced with awe. His eyes looked up and down your body and suddenly you felt the need to hide from his piercing gaze. He stood, and nodded a thank you to the hostess, then came around the table and took out your chair, allowing you to sit before tucking it in slightly.

“Hi-ello...Hello.” He said, his voice coming out a bit softer than he expected, and you stifled a laugh.

“Hi, I’m Y/n. It’s really lovely to meet you Jaehyun.” You said, and sent him a warm smile. His face seemed to go a bit red and he cleared his throat, trying a greeting again.

“Hello Y/n. You look amazing; it’s likewise very lovely to meet you.” A short pause, and he continued, “My friend told me a lot about you, but they didn’t mention just how attractive you are. Well, not attractive- I mean yes attractive but- Like- Y'know-” He stammered, and lifted a hand to run through his hair, and somehow managed to poke his eye slightly. He let his hand drop to the table and he laughed. You let out the laugh you’d been holding and joined his, reaching over the table to grab his nervous hands softly.

“Thank you, please don’t hurt yourself trying to compliment me.” You joked, and paused to check out the menu as the waiter came to take your drink order. After getting over the original awkwardness and choosing a meal, the both of you fell into a comfortable conversation ranging from your careers to deep philosophical questions. You picked up on the fact that he seemed to be really proud about his career as an idol in Korea, and how he had always wanted to become a singer. His eyes lit up as he described a bit of what it was like, before he asked you about your job, and passions.

You barely noticed when the food was placed in front of you, or when the other patrons all looked at you both talking with knowing looks in their eyes, or even when the water came by with the bill. You could only focus on this wonderfully interesting man in front of you, who was surprisingly deeper than his very apparent good looks. The waiter came by to see if the bill was ready, and the both of you stopped your conversation, and then half argued about who would foot the bill. He refused to even let you see the total cost, so in the end, you had let him win. He went to reach for his wallet before asking you another question which again distracted you from the bill and as the waiter made his second appearance, Jaehyun quickly (and rather proudly) tucked his card into the leather folder all while giving the waiter an apologetic smile. You watched him, your head tilted to one side and a soft smile played on your lips as his dimples made their comeback on his face. He turned to you and then grabbed a hold of his drink, making eye contact with you over the rim.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked, and you cleared your throat, shaking your head.

“Oh… Just admiring from afar.” You said, and he seemed to get a tad flustered. You let out a laugh through your nose, and the waiter came by with Jaehyun’s card.

“How much was the dinner? It wasn’t too much was it?” You ask again, and he shakes his head.

“I’m the one who made the reservation so I gladly paid for it. Don’t worry about it at all, okay?” He said, in a soft tone, and stood coming around to your side of the table and holding out his hand.

“Shall we?” He said, and you raised your eyebrows while putting your hand into his. He gripped it as he led you out of the restaurant and then stopped outside, looking up at the sky. You checked your phone, and saw the time read 11:17pm.

“Already?” You mumbled out loud subconsciously, but Jaehyun caught it.

“Already what?” He said, and looked at you, peering down at the screen of your phone. He noted the time, and sighed.

“Ah, did I keep you too long? If you’re taking public transit or a cab home, let me drive you. Since it’s late.” He said, and raised his eyebrows waiting for a response. You smirked, and rummaged around your belongings before producing your keys, and you jangled them in front of his face.

“I’ve got a ride, but thank you. It’s been a wonderful evening. Everything and more.” You said, a smile plastered on your face. He gave you one of his own, dimples and all, and you melted.

“Well good. If you’d like… maybe we could do this again? I’ll be in the states for another few months, for my music study.” He said, and you nodded, suddenly hit with the fact that he was some celebrity, but you hadn't seen a single crazed fan anywhere tonight. Nonetheless, you said your goodbyes, and gave him a hug before walking to your car. You missed the way he stared at you as you walked away and smiled to himself. He missed your creased brow as you wondered if it was even worth pursuing him.

A few dates and three months later, you were sprawled out on Jaehyun’s couch after a long day at your job. He was currently in the shower, leaving your eyes to roam around. The last time you’d been here you hadn’t really stopped to look around, and as those thoughts flooded to the front of your mind, you felt your face heating up. Suddenly the shower turned off, and you straightened up, trying to push the memories out of your mind, as a half clothed Jaehyun walked around into the living area.

“Hey, stranger, long time no see.” He said, walking over and leaving a soft but chaste kiss on your lips. You smiled at him and stood, using one finger to push him away by his chest.

“Hey yourself, stranger, I suggest you get dressed before we get really well acquainted with one another.” You said, and your eyes flicked down to the edge of the towel that was currently the only thing wrapped around him. He smirked and tried to pull you closer to him, and just as your lips were about to connect, his phone rang. He sighs and lets his head drop, and apologises before quickly picking up the phone.

“Yes, Hello?” He said into the phone, and suddenly his back tensed. You frowned, looking at his suddenly stiff muscles, and wanted to reach out to comfort him but something in your gut told you to hold off. He huffed angrily into the phone and let his head fall back, looking up at the ceiling. He finished his call, and turned to you with an upset look on his face. You pouted and he sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“An emergency came up. I have to fly back to Korea early.” He said, dejectedly.

“How much earlier?” You ask, afraid to ask. Truthfully, you knew this time was coming. The time when this weird three month long fling would come to an end, but you had decided to pursue it anyway. You knew that you’d end up hurt and he’d move on to whoever in Korea while you’d be left back here picking up the pieces of your heart. But his face twisted into one of empathy and he swallowed down his tears.

“A few weeks early. My manager said my flight is… next Thursday.” He said, and you gasped. He came up to you, and enveloped you into a huge hug, just holding you tightly against him. The smell of your shampoo invaded his senses and the only thing he wanted was to hold you like that forever. He suddenly remembered everything that he left back in Korea. His career, the rest of the members, his family. Everything was there, but you were here. You had changed his life in these past few weeks more than all his 23 years of experience had. More than his music study could ever teach him. And now, with just a few days left to be here with you, he found himself dreading going back.

“Jae?” You mumbled into his bare chest.

“Hm?” He answered, still holding on to you.

“Can you go put on some clothes and let’s just chill at home?” You responded and shifted your gaze so that you were looking at him. He peered at you and smiled, before leaving a kiss on your forehead and going to quickly change into some loungewear.

About 5 minutes later, he strode back into the living are where you’d made yourself comfortable on one of the couches. He smiled and threw himself next to you with a grunt, and grabbed you close to him as you cuddled up together.

Jaehyun had asked you to accompany him to the airport and see him off, but as you woke up on the day, you dreaded having to see him off. He texted you, and you responded that you’d be there. After all, you were in love with the guy.

You rolled out of bed and took a super fast shower, then got ready and jumped in the car. His flight was in just a few hours, but you wanted to make sure that he was there on time. As you pulled up to his apartment and went up to his door, you tried to hold back your emotions. He seemed intent on going back the past few days, and even mentioned that he was excited to leave and see his family and work again. Little did you know he was just trying to convince himself that it was the right choice.

You couldn’t help but think that some of the moments you shared weren’t as special for him than they were for you as you took the elevator up to his apartment. Before you even had the chance to knock on the door, he swung it open and you were greeted with a red eyed, puffy faced Jaehyun. You instantly could tell he had been crying, and you stepped in, pulling him into the biggest hug, which he returned with such ferocity it almost knocked you over. He let out a muffled sob and your heart broke into a million pieces. You gently pried him off of you, and calmed him long enough for him to tell you what was wrong but in between his breathy crying and staggered breathing, you could barely understand, so you just held him as he let it out.

The one part of his ramblings that you did catch however made your heart skip a beat.

“A-and you...these months-” A few sniffles, “So good, -nd I don't wanna go-” A soft ragged breath, “b-cause you are my everything…” He said, and then stopped. You felt his heartbeat quicken at what he just confessed, and you tried to steel your emotions

“Jae, I know. We grew close and these past few months have been fun, but that’s it. You have a career and your whole life in Korea, and you deserve to go and live it out and follow your dreams, like you told me you always wanted to do.” You said, tears pricking your own eyes. He suddenly shifted off of you and gave you an incredulous look.

“Just fun? Just fun?” He said, his voice rising a little. “So all this time, this was just a fling for you. You made me fall in love with you and now you’re telling me it was just fun? You’re saying that if I asked you to come with me you’d say no and tell me this is what? One sided? That you don't feel like this is the worst mistake?” He said, and you folded your arms over your chest. There was no way that you’d stand in the way of his career, no matter how much of a bad guy it would make you. He would get over it soon, and continue and be a world famous singer… Right?

You thought that is what he wanted, but as his words wash over you and you understand the depth of the relationship between the two of you. Something clicks in your mind but you don’t speak. You just stand there and look down at the floor.

His breath catches in his throat and he mutters a quiet but forceful, “get out.” And you follow suit. Sighing and holding back tears of your own, you step out of his apartment and head out to the car, knowing that at some point he’d have to come down since you were his ride to the airport. As awkward as that one hour car ride was going to be, you didn’t have much of a choice, as before everything went down, he made sure that you were the only one to see him off.

A couple of minutes later, a puffy faced angry Jaehyun appeared at your passenger side door, and he knocked aggressively on the window, jutting his thumb to the back of the car.

“Open the trunk.” He mouthed, and the already thick tension only grew as you nervously opened the trunk and waited for him to climb in the car. He opened the door, and then slammed it with such force you thought the door was going to snap off. The two of you sat in silence for a few minutes as you drove, and when you pulled into the freeway, you decided to speak.

“Listen-” You started, and he interrupted you with a raised hand. You heard him take a loud breath, and then he began to speak.

“I know you’re driving and your attention has to be on the road but please, hear me out.” He pleaded with you, and the desperate tone in his voice sent the waterworks your way again.

“It's true. Without you, I can’t live. I can’t eat or sleep, or breathe without thinking about you. Everything that you did to me was so ethereal. You changed my life so much in these three months. I can’t begin to describe how hard it is for me to go. Honestly, when my company suggested that I come to the states for the music study I was skeptical because I already know music theory and production. But it was the best decision of my life. And now you’re sitting here telling me that this isn't-” He said and the tears began to spill on his face again. You gripped the steering wheel tighter and tried to keep your eyes focused on the road ahead, but the emotion in Jaehyun’s voice was getting to you as well, and a few rogue tears slid down your cheeks.

“I know you can’t just leave your life behind here, but I really really want you to. I want you to come to Korea and live with me, and we can be happy. I can introduce you to my family and the other members, and it’ll be so good. I can ask the company to find you an apartment and we can-” he continued, but you stopped him.

“Jaehyun. You and I both know that as soon as you get back, you’ll be so busy that we won’t have time to see each other. You’re about to have a major comeback and I don’t even know Korean so it’ll be hard for me to even assimilate there. I really really want to put my whole life on hold but… How can I?” You say, and the hurt is clearly evident on your face as the both of you have tears streaked faces. The rest of the ride is relatively quiet, but at some point, Jaehyun reaches over and rests his hand on your thigh as a signal for a truce.

He sniffles and leans his head back on the headrest, eyes squeezed shut as you pull into the airport parking lot. After finding a space, and getting his luggage out of the trunk, he takes your hand and you both go inside. He checks in, and you start to head over to the security checkpoint, which you were not allowed to pass.

“Please, promise me that you’ll stay in touch and we won’t be like those couples who promise and then never do and they grow apart. I seriously cannot live without you.” he said, while pulling you to face him. A couple of people were starting to gather, and by the looks of it they recognized Jaehyun, so you sent him a sad smile and gave him a huge hug, never wanting to let go. The both of you pulled away, and he grudgingly went to the passport check. Just before he disappeared behind the security checkpoint, he turned and locked eyes with you, and even from this far you knew he was sending you a soft, sad smile. Not a “goodbye”, but rather a “see you soon.”

Four Months Later

You rushed to shove on your shoes and grab all of your luggage as you heard your cousin impatiently honking outside of your apartment building. You had been planning to surprise Jaehyun for a few weeks, and asked them to come and take you to the airport. You left your apartment and quickly went over to a neighbor's where you asked them to take care of some plants and to pick up your mail each day. The middle aged woman agreed, and happily took your keys, wishing you a safe flight and travels.

You thanked her as you flew down the hallway, and heard her chuckling just before you rounded the corner and smashed the call button for the elevator. You knew it wouldn’t come any faster if you kept pressing the button, but you did it anyway. The nerves kicked in as you descended in the metal box, and ran out to your cousin’s car. They flung the door open for you, and you threw your bag into the backseat before hopping in. The drive was filled with some laughs and the memories from your last trip to the airport came suddenly flooding back. It had been only a few months ago that you had driven Jaehyun to the airport and had your first teary-eyed farewell.

Since then, you both called at least once a week, but texted every day. You slowly became more interested in NCT, his group, and even started talking to a few of his other English-speaking members, who all welcomed you with excited messages. You had been learning Korean with Mark and Johnny, to surprise Jaehyun, and not to toot your own horn, but you’d been getting pretty good! You could now communicate at it’s most basic sense of the word, and at least order food and ask for traveling directions. You smiled as you pulled up your conversation with Jaehyun, and read some of the new messages..

Jaehyun : Babe! Have you had the chance to watch our m/v yet? It came out like a few hours ago!

Jaehyun : You really should watch it and let me know what you think. I wrote the lyrics with Johnny-hyung this time. I think you’d be proud.

Jaehyun : Yo babyyyy….?

Jaehyun : Babe? Ah you’re probably busy. Ok call me when you watch it so i can see your reaction!

You smiled at all the messages, and sent him a quick “I’m at work, call you later, love you.” and then thought about how you’d explain away being inactive for your 13+ hour flight. You sighed, and locked your phone, then leaned your head back.

Your cousin pulled into the drop-off lane at the airport. You looked at them with a grateful smile, and gave them an awkward hug over the center console which they returned. As soon as you grabbed all of your belongings and double checked for your wallet and passport, you waved them goodbye, and they sped off. You turned and walked into the airport, and after a tiring 45 minute ordeal through check-ins and security, you finally made it to your gate. You took out your phone while you waited for the flight to board, and saw a few messages from Mark who was also in on the surprise. He said that him and Johnny managed to get you a company car to pick you up from the airport, but that you’d have to find your own housing.

“Shouldn’t be too hard…” You mumbled, and replied to him before searching for hotels in the Seoul area. There were a few upscale locations, but you decided to also check Airbnb for any long-term residence options. You came upon a sweet little apartment near Itaewon , which was about a 45 minute drive from the SM campus. You searched for anything cheaper or closer, but after not finding anything, you quickly booked the location for a 2 week period. You smiled happily, having one less thing to worry about on your flight, and then heard the “All-Passengers Now Boarding” message, so you grabbed all of your things again, and huddled in the line. You had been lucky to find a good deal on a seat in the economy class, so you took your seat near the front of the plane, having a rather great view out the window. You smiled and relaxed as a kind looking lady sat down next to you, and you fell into a comfortable conversation as the rest of the passengers were seated and the plane took off. She told you a few stories about how her family was all in Korea but she visited the US to see her daughter who just had a baby. You smiled at her story, and she patted your hand.

“You go to Korea? What do you have in Korea?” She asked tentatively, and you told her your love story. You left out the part about him being a singer, thinking she might not believe you, and she smiled warmly, and recounted a few stories from her youth about her and her now late husband. You smiled, and upon checking your phone, saw that you’d managed to pass a few hours of your time swapping stories. A steward announced that passengers could now use their in-flight wifi, and you quickly took out your phone to see a few missed calls from your cousin (who probably just wanted an update) and a few tests from none other than Jaehyun himself.

Jaehyun : Baby, I have the night off… are you still at work? We should call.

Jaehyun : Please? I really want to see your pretty face, I miss you.

Jaehyun : Ahhh, come on, I know you’re not busy because we usually call at this time…

You stifled a laugh, and rolled your eyes softly at his antics. He was always begging to see you, and now you didn’t know how to remedy the situation and not expose your location. You got an idea and ran to the lavatory, which was thankfully unlocked. After fishing your headphones from your pocket, you plugged them in and asked if he was free at the moment, and before you were even able to respond he was already video calling you. You laughed and hit the accept button, and smiled at the camera.

“Hi! Oh- I missed your face so much, you beautiful work of art…” His voice rang into your headphones, and you saw his eyebrows furrow as he drew the phone close to his face to see the screen.

“Where are you?” He said, brows still furrowed, and you smiled, trying to look as genuine as you could,

“I’m in the restroom at this little place, I wanted to take some time out and just treat myself, you know?” You said, and technically you were vague enough to not lie, and somehow he didn't press for any more information.

“Oh, baby that's good that you get to do something nice for yourself… Have you watched the m/v yet?” He asked, impatiently and you already knew he just wanted you to stroke his already inflated ego. You laughed, and he smiled widely, and shook your head.

“ I haven't but I swear I will as soon as I get home tonight? I know it’ll be late but you have to promise to wait for me!” You say, and he tiredly laughs.

“I promise to wait for your call tonight babe, I don’t think I’ll even sleep peacefully until I hear your opinion on the m/v.” He said, and you laughed. After a few more minutes of talking, you told him that there were others waiting to use the restroom, and after an insurmountable nu be of "I love you"s and "Yes, I'll call you later"s, you hung up just before you exited the lavatory. You spent the rest of the time napping and sometimes chatting with the lady seated next to you, who had a multitude of interesting things to tell you. You’d lost track of time, and only noticed when the stewards and stewardesses came by with lunch trays.

After that, you fell into a deep sleep, and only woke when the “Please Fasten your seatbelts for landing” messages were being played on the intercom. You hastily buckled it, and the nervousness started to kick in once again. The lady next to you must have sensed it because she reached over and gave your hand a sympathetic squeeze, and reassured you that “He will be excited to see you. I promise”.

After the landing and a rough battle through customs, you finally made it to the gates where onlookers waited for their friends and family to walk out. You spotted a man holding a paper with your name on it, and went over, greeting him formally and returning his polite smile. He took your things and led you to a nondescript car, where he put your things in the trunk and held the back door open for you to get in. Once settled, he asked if you would give him an address, or if he should take you to the SM building.

“SM building, please.” You say, hoping that you were using the correct verbage and honorifics. The driver’s eyebrows raised, and he made eye contact with you in the mirror. In a soft broken English he complimented your Korean, and said he was surprised that you knew pronunciation so well. You smiled and thanked him, and explained that some friends had helped you study it before coming. He nods, and the rest of the ride is spent in a comfortable silence.

An hour and a half-ish later, the car pulled into the parking lot of the SM building, and you almost burst out of the car in excitement. You’d been texting with Mark and Johnny in a private group chat, and they said Jaehyun had fallen asleep waiting for you to call him somewhere in a waiting room. You were shown into a side entrance, so as to avoid any prying eyes, and you quickly met up with the aforementioned boys, who greeted you with wide smiles and big hugs. They led you around the building and showed you a few of the locations that you’d seen before in videos and on call with Jaehyun.

You smiled fondly as you followed them around and they led you into a small room with couches lining the sides, and a few tables thrown in the middle. And you saw him. Him.

He was slouched against one of the couches, chin to shoulder and out cold. An innocent look was on his face as he slept and as you admired him, Johnny and Mark said they'd wait for you guys downstairs and left.

You gently set down your small bag on a table and silently made your way over to your sleeping boy. Smiling, you sat on his lap, legs straddling his thighs and he stirred from his sleep with a sharp intake of breath. His eyes fluttered open and he made eye contact with you, staring into your eyes with a confused glare. You put your hands on his shoulders, and then moved them up to his face, cupping his cheeks as you sent him a smile.

"Y/n…? I-Is this… Am I still dreaming?" He whispered and you laughed, answering,

"No, you're not dreaming. I'm here… kiss me." You said, and he immediately obliged, closing the distance between your lips. His hands finally made their way around your waist, and he pulled you closer to his chest, and smiled into the kiss.

"What? How? How did you even find me?" He said, breathlessly and you explained to him the whole story from beginning to end. He listened with a marveling look on his face, and let his head drop as he smiled shyly.

"Well I am so glad you're here. I missed you so much, you've got no idea. Korea isn't half as fun without you." He said, and you sat and caught up for a few minutes, before you remembered the other two who were waiting.

"Johnny and Mark are waiting for us! They said we should go out to get some late-night food." You quickly said and climbed off of Jaehyun's lap as he stood and stretched. He gathered his things and you yours and just before you two set out the door, he took your hand in his and placed a gentle kiss to your knuckles.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you, Y/n?"

"Everyday."

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