#its a horrible thing to deal with

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

things about ocd you might not know

- it's an anxiety disorder. it's right there along with generalised anxiety (shout out to the ‘you don't need to have panic attacks to have an anxiety disorder’ club), social anxiety, panic disorder etc. it often comes along with other anxiety disorders and is treated similarly.

- it is not 'only' being obsessive about tidiness or hygeine, but at the same time people who struggle with these particular forms of ocd are NOT 'perpetuating a stereotype' or bAd rEpreSentaTiOn, they are people with a disorder, and they are just as valid as anyone else.

- any which way ocd is not cute. it is not funny. it is not something to joke about. it is uncomfortable and distressing, and it needs to be better understood by the masses.

- intrusive thoughts (the 'obsessive' part) can be about anything. for example they can be about you or loved ones being harmed, feeling like you want to harm yourself or loved ones even though the thought horrifies you, feeling like you are always being watched/judged/punished or that everyone knows what you are thinking (even though you know logically that this is not true, which is where it differs from actual paranoia), and many more, some a lot more taboo.

-ocd can make you doubt things and compulsively check them, not be able to stop worrying about irrational things that won't or are very unlikely to happen, or feel like you can cause something bad to happen by just thinking the 'wrong' thing or doing something entirely unrelated. you can also have intrusive feelings and/or bodily sensations or a mixture of all.

- none of these thoughts or others not mentioned mean that someone who experiences them is a bad person, or would ever act on them. the whole point of intrusive thoughts is that they go directly against a person's morality. they are deliberately poking at what makes you the most uncomfortable and distressed, and the more reaction they get, the more you (very understandably) try and fight against them and stop them, the louder they become. the very fact that you recoil from the thought and are afraid that you might act on it, going over and over where it is coming from and desperately fighting against it is proof that you never would.

- compulsions are the other part of ocd, the obsessive cleaning or checking for example. however, they don't have to be physical and obvious, they can also be mental, such as counting, repeating words or phrases, or obsessive praying for example.

- the general idea is that compulsions are done to relieve the anxiety caused by the obsession (intrusive thought part), but this is not always the case. compulsions can happen to relieve nonspecific feelings of discomfort and anxiety unrelated to a specific thought, which in theory dissapate after the compulsion. likewise compulsions don't always happen when there is an intrusive thought.

- compulsions can also include neutralising thoughts, which are attempts to shut down/counteract/drown out intrusive thoughts. compulsions can also be involve an intense need for symmetry in some way, or repeating certain things or actions the ‘right’ number of times, whether or not you know what that number is.

- ocd can develop in childhood, as well as later in life.

- ocd, adhd, autism and tic disorders have a fun little club going on where they have high rates of comorbidity with each other as well as overlapping symptoms (repetitive actions with that you feel you need to do/cannot control on some level) which makes working out which one(s) you actually have a challenge.

- the general idea from what i've read and experienced is that you have the least control over a tic; it is involuntary and it takes a lot of energy to suppress it. compulsions can be controlled more easily, but it feels uncomfortable/anxious/distrressing to do so, and it's not an enjoyable thing to carry out anyway. a stim is more enjoyable and a way to regulate energy/sensory input or self soothe and it can fairly easily be stopped or continued in a different form most of the time. of course if you have comorbidities something can start off as a stim and then become a compulsion for example 🙃🙃

people with ocd take an average of ten years to seek treatment due to the shame the disorder causes. it can make you think you are an evil, shameful, terrible person, but that is not true in the slightest. resources about ocd are wonderful because they speak about it in a very matter of fact manner, and can help you realise you are not alone or beyond/undeserving of help, not to be really cliched but yeah :') i recommend ocd uk and this guide for dealing with intrusive thoughts as good places to start 💖💖💖💖

#ocd #intrusive thoughts #tw intrusive thoughts #intrusive thoughts tw #adhd #autism #tic disorder #mine #bc learning this stuff literally changed my life :') #its a horrible thing to deal with #and im extremely grateful i only have it fairly mildly #and that it's got better since i was a kid #but it's far far better to know what you're dealing with #to call it what it is rather than #being terrified there's smth evil and deep down Wrong w you #one of the many excellent reasons why purity culture #and the idea that your thoughts have to be completely Pure and Good and Correct #or you're Bad #is so damaging #your brain is just a big dumb computer processing anything it comes across #trying stuff out poking wasp's nest just to see what will happen #it is your reaction to your thoughts #and the way you act #which counts

[carpp]

I noticed most of your Emilute content suggests a past relationship because Lute has her arm.

How about some post-trial angst in which Emily can't bring herself to even look at Lute after her actions in the courtroom or post-finale angst of Lute being so changed by the battle she is emotionally distant from Emily?

Sweet delicious angst.

its actually supposed to be a prosthetic!

I do agree that if they were close before the trial there would be some great potential for angst, emily would probably be crushed that both sera and lute kept such a horrible secret from her

#hazbin hotel #emilute #emily #lute #delusional rambling ahead #personally i like the idea of them getting to know each other after the events in season 1 #there could be some nice parallels #emily was shielded from everything that had to do with hell #while lute was made to go down there and slaughter sinners #both were taught that sinners are all horrible #but also to deal with them in different ways #basically for lute its 'slaughter them all they deserve it' #and for emily its 'whatever you do don't question anything or you'll become like them' #emily is already questioning things though #and maybe if she started spending time with her lute could too

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Hi, I hope you don't mind this message, and idk if anyone else has told you, but there's this troll going around on Tumblr named @/freethepuppet. They claim to be “fighting for justice in the puppet industry”, but really they're just sending hateful and threatening messages to Welcome Home and My Friendly Neighborhood artists/fans.

I myself have receive multiple death threats from this person, and they have sent threats to many of my friends over the matter, some of which are minors.

Because of this issue, I have decided to keep myself and my friends anonymous, especially considering the fact that @/freethepuppet intends to send threats to PartyCoffin himself, along with the creator behind My Friendly Neighborhood.

I just wanted to warn you about this person, so that you can block and report them, as well has tell others in the community about the troll. If you decide to ignore this, then that's fair and I respect your decision.

In any case, I hope you and your friends stay safe. Best of luck!!

blocked! thanks for letting me know! to add on to this, a little advice for everyone:

Don't Engage With This Person At All!

Don't Look At Their Stuff, Don't Respond To Messages, Don't @ Them Or Give Them The Time Of Day. Just Go Block Them And Let Them Exhaust Their Own Hate

#block and move on - thats the best way to deal with this sort of thing #dont give them a single millimeter to work with #they'll get tired of their own vitriol eventually #its like the best way to deal with assholes who say horrible things just to start shit: just ignore them completely #an 'ok. anyway-' will take the wind out of their sails better than any counterargument #they WANT you to engage. they WANT you to argue. they WANT you to waste your time on them #so. Don't! #block and ignore and move on with your day knowing that you're free from that bullshit <3 #rambles from the bog #and you know? i hope that person gets better #no one goes out of their way to be so hateful unless they've got their own shit going on so. #even though i have them blocked! a message to that guy! #things Will get better. i hope that one day you look back on your hate blog with embarrassment and maybe some guilt #because you're in a happier - or at least more peaceful - state of mind #good luck man. ik its rough out there. you'll get through it

[phoenix-art-official]

dont ask me why i made this, its all my hand felt like producing

#w359 #wolf 359 #doug eiffel #douglas eiffel #for anyone who cares about context: #basically i have this pet fic idea in my brain #because i feel like we never properly got to deal with the trauma of. yknow. U.S.S. Horrible Unending Nightmare #and i was like ok then well its super easy to break things in the haephestus for plot reasons #lets break the heating for a bit :) #yknow like in pan-pan #and the idea is eiffel is the one who goes out and reboots the heating this time #cuz hes getting antsy in there and he wants to do it himself thanks #except. when he goes and does the thing #it kinda. jitters everything unpleasantly #and it causes that section of the ship to lose power momentarily #but ofc all eiffel can think as he shouts for hera or minkowski or ANYONE #is that. oh god no hes trapped again and alone and hes going to die slowly here and he can feel himself freezing all over again and and and #anyway the gang has to go get their boy and try and calm him out of the panic attack of a century #there we go context enjoy

[liquidstar]

the goddamn show came out

#no actual hate tbf i dont think its BAD but. very annoying on a personal level if youre greek sorry 💀 #i think the past couple weeks have been horrible for a lot of reasons and i do not have the energy to like #be reminded of dull takes on our mythos every 3 seconds esp when they hardly even acknowledge greece exists its just fandom blorbo shit #its annoyingggg its annoying i dont wanna see it i want it Gone #i actually think pj itself is a pretty middling example of this though. again its not bad esp compared to like booktok shit #a lot of it is often the /fandom/ but even still i find it annoying #at the very least the show does have jason mantzoukas which is more than the books did w like. acknowledging greece lol #to be clear tho i dont think all the characters have to be greek or played by greek ppl i think its cool to have a diverse cast play gods #and their kids and whatnot. its mostly just abt like somekinda nod to where youre taking it from i guess? acknowledging the culture #that still exists! in the books they go to fucking italy ffs whats the deal #basically i have complaints and find it annoying bc it doesnt care about greece like most things about.... greek mythos #so im not excited to see it all over my dash i just think its very annoying personally sorry #ppl can still like it and have fun with it idc abt that but doesnt mean i have to like it either 🤷‍♂️ #ergo. blacklist my best friend do your thing and get it away from me. and we will all be at peace again

[carriesthewind]

It never ceases to amaze me how shockingly cruel people are willing to be for money. Just, they get a paycheck and turn off the part of their brain that makes them see other humans as real people. Evil.

#the worst part of this goddam job #its so exhausting to have to spend so much time dealing with evil fuckers like this #especially because I can't even point out how evil they are being #because that's rude #because by the rules of my profession #treating someone like a disposable piece of trash and destroying their life is fine #but pointing out that you are treating another person like a disposable piece of trash and destroying their life #and that is a horrible evil thing to do #is over the line #and at least prosecutors pretend to believe in a greater cause #here it's literally just. profit margins

[bruciemilf]

Hey guys guess who has an infected tooth and is DYING of pain lmao

#actually not lmao at all #like #heres the thing i went to the dentist for the first time in my life just like. three weeks ago #and he basically told me he'll have to send me somewhere else bc the tooth was too complicated (i think its called a root canal in english) #and ive been taking meds for the pain (ibuprofen to be exact) and holy shit i am Scared #like my biggest fear in life is being addicted to hard substances and i KNOW its stupid but im just scared #ive been taking them for like a week bc the pain was/is truly so uncomfortable and just horrible #and i cant go to an appointment bc my mom just went herself and shes dealing with mouh pain too. its just. not a fun time #but if anyone dealt with this before and could give me some home relief tips id be grateful #i washed my teeth like 4 times a day just today holy hell it hurts #vent #not dc

[pandora15]

life is cruel.

it's tragic, horrific, and unfair. it gives us the worst of things, causes us to feel and experience things that are so unspeakably painful that sometimes I can't even. I can't even.

and it seems even more cruel in those moments of pain and grief and loss when you see something beautiful, like fall colors, or the color of the sky at sunset, or how the holidays typically are meant to bring joy to people but all you can think about now is that every year when this time of year comes, you'll just think about how tragic it is.

and cruel.

and horrific.

and unfair.

and beautiful.

#grief #grief tw #so i'm dealing with grief intimately for the first time like. ever. and i'm having a lot of emotions #and i can't help but observe that the way i write it in fic feels. kinda like how i feel right now? in some ways? #but also like. everyone goes through it differently and there's no like correct way to process #for me i'm. okay most of the time when i have a lot of stuff to do #which is like 90% of the time #but i'm also just feeling a lot of things and trying to figure out how to move forward #especially with the knowledge that life is short and cruel and you just never know what might happen #and i can't just not do the things i truly want to do with my life because i'm SCARED #because. you never know what might happen #you never know when the end is gonna come #anyways i drove back to my apartment today and i saw beautiful fall colors on the way #and all i can think is ''how can the world be so beautiful and so horrible at the same time'' #''so beautiful and so fucking CRUEL at the same time'' #''and to the people who least deserve its cruelty'' #anyways that's where i'm at ig #still got two classes moving and a full time job to do while all of this is happening 🙃 #all things considered. i'm okay. not great but i'm doing my best #really in my post tpm obi-wan era except to a lesser degree #but i certainly have a LOT of responsibilities to deal with along with my grief so. yeah.

[snail-speed]

Look I hate Nintendo as much as the next guy but the (maybe) oncoming legal action against Palworld kinda has some merit. There's a lot of original designs in the game, but there's also lots that very blatantly use parts of the models that are used in modern Pokemon games, and allegedly there's also some designs that are just fanart taken without permission.

Like from what I've seen the people deep in the discourse trenches are using both the "The designs are NOTHING alike!" and the "It's a parody, it's SUPPOSED to be a rip-off!" arguments interchangeably and it's like- No. No, you can't use both of those at once, they're paradoxical.

Either you believe Palworld is just another mon game, and just like every other mon game, there's some design elements that are inevitably going to repeat, in which case we'll have to wait and see what happens, or you agree that Palworld is plagiarizing and you're okay with it, in which case you can't really complain when a lawsuit hits.

#i'm looking at the palworld tag just kinda laughing at how overly passionate people get about the discourse #nothing against the game it looks fun but this isn't the first time a mon game has been hyped up as a Pokemon Killer #the “ITS A PARODY BRO” defense also really sucks for palworld because i highly doubt that's what PocketPal is going for? #like yeah it's taking the piss a bit with the pal abuse mechanic but pokemon is not the only mon game that makes a big deal #about the relationship between mons and their owners #if it's taking the piss at anything it's at the genre as a whole #treating it as just Pokemon Killer/Pokemon But Edgy is a disservice to it #and it's gonna cause it to age horribly. if the (maybe) oncoming lawsuit won't do that to begin with #that said though the feature to enslave humans is... A Thing for sure #like i get it's a commentary on humans and mons not being too different but #well IRL we didn't exactly have a slave trade consisting of cloud eevees let me put it that way #pokemon #palworld

[chainofclovers]

Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death

#(i'm fine) #(personally) (mostly) (really) #this has just been an absolutely terrible year for our planet and its people and animals #and it's fucking insane that as an american living in relative safety and comfort and experiencing the pleasures and guilt of that... #...i can experience this horrible yet ENTIRELY SURVIVABLE blend of acute pain over so many things at once #including war and genocide and the utter hopelessness of that #and also things like being really really sad that matthew perry's life was so hard and he died #and also so many bad and weird things have happened to family members this year but we mostly have the resources to come together and deal #which is amazing and bolstering and exhausting #and my brain still has space to be excited about writing and numb to writing and angry/impotent about writing #desperate for feedback yet private and retreat-y and weird #always hoping to hit upon The Perfect Thing :-/ #and i live in a place that basically is not a democracy any more and also the u.s. is so cursed we've never been what we said we were #so a lot of my own perceived safety is incredibly fragile #but still so much more solid than what the people i am mourning for had #and none of the comparisons make a lick of sense and are in and of themselves deeply unfair #to the point that it's humiliating to feel guilt (making it about me) and simultaneously humiliating that i don't feel guilt *constantly* #and i have therapy this week but also this deep sense that while my therapist will be a fine person to talk to it will feel unuseful #i've always been a muddle of optimism and pessimism and i am very adamant that life is super beautiful and this is precisely why... #...all the violence in the world is so brutally devastating #it's just that the casserole of all these thoughts feels increasingly horrible #and feeling that way is 100% sane #and even intersectional frameworks and intentional attempts at gentleness only get you so far in the grapple #for meaning and for ideas of what to do #so i end up contacting my reps about various awful things #and zooming in and out on my fixations and having excellent days and terrible days #often dependent on what feels like a camera setting i only partially control #and i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling embarrassed that deep empathy and grief for people i've not met somehow ends up being... #...at least a sliver about ME and my little world #about me

[deus-ex-mona]

series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:

#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨ #and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate #so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah. #thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou #i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh #compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol #i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help— #so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig #my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa #i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control… #b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you #tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao #so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol #but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato) #so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though #either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane #i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date… #at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration… #…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig. #oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far… #i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience. #help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m. #anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#tis i! tragic daughter one of three! #motherless at age 26 #the last wake was today and this was more fun than the 1st. more casual. my moms childhood friends were there #ans it was fun to catch up with my uncle and his side of the family #i feel so weird tho. bc ppl r asking how we r and like genuinely i feel fine most of the time #like my sister is like: i sacrificed so much for my mom and i saw her downslide into death #and im like yea i fucked off to [redacted state] and showed uo after the horrible part was over #and bc im finally on medication i really feel better than i have possibly ever. so its just weird #weird to br at my mother's wake and think: god ive wasted so much fucking time being miserable. i dont want to do that anymore #and i feel like thats an option now. i mean ill always be frustrated by the same things. the difficulty reading and focusing #and the lack of social ease. but it feels like less of a big deal now #i say that now before im entrenched in school again. but idk. its just weird #but idk i love my mom but there was distance there and i have weird insect brain which i think makes it hurt less #i dunno. maybr ill feel it more later. when im on my own again #its just that i never reached out to her. i didnt realy on her and she didnt reach out to me so now things won't change much #i dunno. well see #unrelated

[buppypuppy]

.

#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad. #the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously. #being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like. #it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help. #i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!! #because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like . #i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad. #my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well. #i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate. #i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day. #jane mary cry one tear

[finleycannotdraw]

verdict on 3x08: too much relationship drama, not enough richmond himbos

#ted lasso #ted lasso season 3 #ted lasso spoilers #I appreciate the storyline. I do. but come on I don’t see the reason for bringing henry and michelle and dr jacob back for a subplot while #the whole episode is actually about keeley and the horrible reality she’s dealing with + her gf is turning out to be yikes yikes yikes #also WHEN will the show address the HUGE FUCKING ISSUE that Is #michelle and dr jacob’s relationship??? #THAT IS. SO UNETHICAL???? #and everyone is like ‘your ex is moving on it’s ok’ but ITS NOT JUST THAT #like come on #there were some banger lines as usual but overall I was underwhelmed #this episode was saved by two things: henry playing with the team & trent crimm #his little woof and his gay mug

[urwendii]

i truly believe that being An Eldest Daughter should come with an income.

#here i am being scolded for something i havent done #+ being the one to remember when are the neurologist appointments bc my mom “has too much work” <- i gave up on the irony of her statement #and having to deal with her anxiety that translates in Lets Be Snippy At Cassy For Random Stuff just because #no really #me on the phone: its been raining all day #her answer: well maybe if you had your driving licence it'd be better #WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO ANSWER TO THIS #“yes hello mom i think that thing in your brain is pressing on the BULLSHIT area ” ?? #DEEP BREATHES #and i cant go run outside bc its dark and rainy and im a WOMAN and i think assault is not needed on my 2023 bingo card thank you very much #CHEWS ON FINGERS #and i had a horrible day at work bc BEING A WOMEN IN TECH IS JUST HORRIBLE SOME DAYS #screams in the void

[toytulini]

would be cool this yr to do like first aid training maybe?

#toy txt post #hope i can. get an opportunity to do that. not sure when. the horrors and inability to commit to things u see #but i think i should do that #at some point. altho i feel like i will almost certainly have to do CPR training? and like. like it seems like useful knowledge. and like. #i should know it and maybe im the worst person in existence for this but im a bit of a germaphobe and scared of covid and im not taking my #mask off so like. feels like. that is pretty mutually exclusive with CPR unless thereve been advancements im not aware of? #like would i be able to carry around some sort of billows but for human lungs to do that instead of my mouth? idk. this has in fact been #a legitimate hurdle to me wanting to pursue first aid training. sorry. genuinely dont know how to reconcile that and maybe! in a crisis #situation id overcome it to save a person. genuinely do not know. sorry im like a selfish horrible bitch tho and i cant see myself #doing CPR and am icked by the idea of even learning it. i know now they make those things to put on someones mouth but its still like. #that doesnt do anything against respiratory shit...idk. like is it worse to not pursue any of this at all to avoid the ethical quandry of #not wanting to deal with CPR even as a concept bc im a stupid baby squicked out by lip touching? or is it worse to do first aid and learn #like everything except CPR so i could still theoretically help in some cases that arent necessarily CPR. idk. im sure im just a Bad Person #for this and hate to even admit it. i think i should at least try to find a stop the bleed course or smth ig