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babygirl06301 · 3 years

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SPN S1 Review

I honestly have no idea if this post is about to be hella long or moderate, but I feel like a lot of my feelings got aired out when I was reviewing each individual episode, so I’m just gonna dump the rest of my thoughts that I’ve jotted down while watching this season here. This is basically gonna be me saying, “Wow, this was interesting,” or, “This is similar to/different from later seasons because…” These are all coming from notes on my computer, so they’re half-baked. Nothing too fancy or analytical, but I’ll be doing one of these for every season.

Random thoughts:

I don’t like the monster-of-the-week, episodic format that much, and a lot of those episodes this season felt average in quality for me. However, when you don’t have much else to focus on besides an arbitrary goal of the boys finding John to kill something they know nothing about, it isn’t so bad. Filler episodes suck more later because they’re often completely disconnected from the main story, which isn’t the case for most filler episodes in this season. Plus, the main stories later have more involved goals for the season than this one did, which made the filler episodes later more annoying. For example, if Sam and Dean want to hunt a Tulpa at a haunted house because John is off doing something somewhere, that’s fine. Kill the time. But if Sam and Dean really need to figure out a way to kill God, like, now before Chuck decimates every fleck of existence he’s ever created, maybe don’t waste my time with an episode about a wood nymph, you know? If the stakes are higher, then the quality episodes shouldn’t appear with less frequency. All I’m saying.

The tone, acting, and writing of these characters is so different. Like, when you know a show intimately, these kinds of differences between one season and the next are natural to you. It’s not like I wasn’t aware that the boys looking for their father feels a lot fucking different than the boys having a kid, but when you actually let yourself be aware of how much the show has changed, it’s kind of crazy. Like, if I just think about it offhand, I’m like, “Yeah, this is Supernatural.” But if I break the fourth wall a bit in my mind, it’s like, “Damn, I really did watch these characters and their actors mature for fifteen years, didn’t I?” Crazy.

There are so many episodes that end with the Impala driving down the road. Like, an aerial shot of it. And if the very last scene isn’t that, then it’s probably the scene right before the last scene. Until the last few episodes, that is.

I don’t know why I’ve written this down, but it’s easier to remember episode titles in season one because you can match it to the creature without having to remember the plot. Like, “Oh, the Wendigo episode.” I’ve also said in this same note that the folklore plots died out later on in the series, which is true.

A quote from my notes: “The show really does feel better with Cas, huh?” Look, I’m not gonna say that the S1 finale didn’t slap, because it did. However, I will say that Cas can brighten any episode up, so, had he been in the series from the beginning, the season finale may not have been the only S1 episode to slap. Not that there weren’t other episodes that were good, but you know. Also, this isn’t to say that Cas should’ve been around the whole time because him coming into Dean’s life when he did was exactly perfect.

They do this later, too, but a handful of episodes in the early seasons will be like, “Here’s a girl. Now, one of you Winchesters, go bond with her this instant.” And it’s weird? You don’t need to bring a girl in just to make googly eyes at one of the boys? You could just give her the story she was supposed to have but minus all the flirting?

So, Sam is meant to be the central character for the first five seasons, right? Yes, Dean is supposed to be his equal; yes, he went to Hell and had that whole storyline; yes, he’s Michael’s vessel, but it was always really about Sam, you know? Sam was the one who had the connection to the biggest, baddest thing imaginable (at the time), that being Lucifer. Sam was the one chosen for Lucifer. Sam was the one with the psychic abilities and the one to drink demon blood and the reason Dean sold his soul. Dean is obviously a main character with his own story, but Sam was meant to be the special one, yeah? But even so, Dean is such a beautifully complex character because he wasn’t special. You can see that, even in S1—that his specialness came from his lack of central focus. It’s almost like the plot was saying, “Sam,” and Dean went, “I’m gonna cause problems anyway,” and that’s awesome. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I just feel like Dean is the most interesting character in the entire series, and he wasn’t even the one S1 picked out as special.

Sam’s psychic abilities seemed a lot cooler when you didn’t know as much about them. Like, yes, Sam having those abilities for the purpose of housing Lucifer is cool and all, but it felt so much more mystical when it just seemed like something Sam could do for some reason. Not that that would’ve been a better payoff than what we get—it’d be stupid for the story to say, “I know a demon chose you to be the vessel of Lucifer himself, but the psychic thing you can do? Just a coincidence”—but it’s some food for thought.

John is barely fucking there even though his existence permeates the entire fucking season. I thought he was so much more present than he was in this series. They treated him like they treated Cas. “We said his name a few times, that’s good right?” No. No, it isn’t.

I hate the pattern the episodes have in S1. It goes: location name, bad thing happens in said location, Sam and Dean talk about said thing, they go to said location, they research and maybe flirt with some random girl, they fight, they drive away in the Impala. Like, nearly every episode is like that.

Without demons in the mix that often, the tone of S1 is really different when you compare it to every other season.

Dean is a lot more emotionally vulnerable in this season. I mean, he’s not sitting down with Sam to talk about his feelings all the time, but his emotions are definitely closer to the surface. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he hasn’t had to emotionally shut down to protect Sam yet. Obviously, he represses things because of the way he was raised, and because he had to raise Sam; however, he still had John to lean on at this point. So, he hadn’t developed that habit of hiding his feelings and leaning on no one but himself yet as he did when he lost John. Because of that, he was able to be scared and tell Sam that he was afraid of losing his family and stuff like that. He becomes a way darker character in after John dies, and he more or less only leans fully on one other person for the rest of the series, albeit in a different way.

John saying in 1x21 that he wants Dean to have a home after Azazel is killed is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard. For one, because John is aware that he deprived Dean of a real home, and by extension, is aware that Dean is damaged because of that. But also, it’s sad because Dean has lived 26 years of his life up until now without ever having a home he felt safe and loved in.

Dean running from a potential fight with Azazel in 1x22 is super interesting because he’s fighting to be a part of his family rather than simply fighting for them to be saved. Dean doesn’t want to die, isn’t willing to die. That’s something that definitely changes later. Big time.

Filler episode rate:

By my count, which admittedly might be wrong, there were 7 episodes that were primarily main story episodes this season and 15 monster-of-the-week/filler episodes.

Now, in the early seasons, it isn’t as easy to separate the filler from the main story because almost every episode will deal with character conflict that’s tied to what’s going on with the main story. However, I called it a filler if the primary plot was just a random hunt. For example, I called “Scarecrow” a filler because, even though Meg was introduced after Sam and Dean have a big fight, the main plot is hunting a god.

My bottom 5 episodes in order:

These next two sections are based on my ratings of these episodes from my reviews of every episode. I’ve just ordered them, with one being my least favorite/favorite episode this season.

5.) 1x07: Hook Man

4.) 1x03: Dead in the Water

3.) 1x02: Wendigo

2.) 1x13: Route 666

1.) 1x08: Bugs

My top 5 episodes in order:

5.) 1x14: Nightmare

4.) 1x06: Skin

3.) 1x15: The Benders

2.) 1x21: Salvation

1.) 1x22: Devil’s Trap

My top episodes for Sam:

This section and the next will just be me bringing up some good points of development for Sam and Dean throughout this season. I mean, of course they develop almost all the time, but these episodes are some of the best/most interesting. At least, in my opinion. If you want to read more about my reasons, check out my reviews. Just search for “spn s1 reviews” on my blog.

1x05: Bloody Mary - Sam’s psychic abilities got alluded to for the first time during this episode, but it also told us how much Sam blamed himself for Jessica’s death.

1x10: Asylum - Sam’s resentment for Dean is voiced, and though he’s under the influence of a ghost while he talks about Dean, some of it is supported by development in other episodes this season.

1x14: Nightmare - Sam bonds with Max over their shared abilities and pasts. We also get to see that Sam initially related his own trauma when growing up to Max’s, even though he acknowledged that Max had it worse at the end. It’s an interesting point of development that Sam saw his upbringing that way.

1x19: Provenance - Through Sarah being a part of this episode, Sam reveals that he sees himself as dangerous because the abilities he has has put the people he loves in danger in the past.

1x21: Salvation - Sam reveals that he’s willing to die, and by extension, risk his family to get the job of killing Azazel done.

1x22: Devil’s Trap - Sam has to choose between losing his family through getting his revenge or losing his chance at revenge to save his family.

My top episodes for Dean:

1x06: Skin - Dean’s abandonment issues are touched on for the first time.

1x09: Home - Dean shows fear when faced with returning home and dealing with the trauma of what he went through the night Mary died.

1x12: Faith - This is the first episode that we see a serious internal conflict in Dean about the worth of his life, which is interesting, because we can see in later episodes that he doesn’t want to die. However, his attitude in this episode seems to suggest that he doesn’t see his life as valuable.

1x18: Something Wicked - Honestly, this isn’t my favorite episode in the world, but it’s the first flashback episode of the series; in it, you’ll see the reason behind Dean’s feelings of responsibility regarding Sam.

1x21: Salvation - Dean insists that nobody will die to kill Azazel, showing that he wants to be a part of his family rather than just saving them.

1x22: Devil’s Trap - Dean shows a darker side of himself in an attempt to get John back, and his fears of being unneeded by his family are revealed as well as his fears of losing his family.

Well, that’s all I’ve got for this season’s review. I’ll rate this season in my series review that I’ll write once all this is over, but my impressions right now are that the first season of Supernatural was all right. It didn’t necessarily walk in a straight line, but it still felt like there was a definite destination. And, on top of that, the season ended in one of the most banger ways an SPN season has ever ended. The monster-of-the-week stuff has made most of the episodes this season ones I would probably not revisit, but S1 is definitely still special.

We’ll see if this changes later, but for now, my rating (and average, based on my ratings in my reviews) for S1 is ★★★☆☆.

#spn season reviews #spn s1 reviews #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #mary winchester #jessica moore #castiel #azazel #meg masters #destiel #spn s1 #spn s15

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trenchcas · 4 years

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episode origins p1

i was watching moriah earlier today and was wondering what the significance of the name moriah was, so i searched it up. i’ll explain it here in this. i wanted to learn which episodes have titles derived from pop culture, literature, etc. so i put together this list. it’s not complete, feel free to reblog with more!

why did i waste hours on my life on this, you ask? i don’t know.

season 1

pilot: obviously, all the first episodes of shows are called pilots. nothing new here.

wendigo: they’re fighting a wendigo

dead in the water: the phrase means “unable to function, move”.

phantom traveler: the name of the demon they’re fighting

bloody mary: based off the legend

skin: shapeshifters, also there might be a meta about how it’s a metaphor for dean

hook man: they’re fighting a hook man

bugs: bugs

home: they go home

asylum: they go to an asylum

scarecrow: scarecrow

faith: the concept of god first comes into play here, i thought that was pretty interesting. that’s why it’s called faith, duh. dean + faith is explored.

route 666: racist truck yes

nightmare: sam’s visions

the benders: i think it’s based off of the bloody benders, a family of serial killers

shadow: meg’s stalkery?

hell house: it was literally a hell house

something wicked: originally chanted by WITCHES in shakespeare’s macbeth. the full line is “something wicked this way comes, open locks, whoever knocks”. obviously the shtriga is a witch and it refers to that.

provenance: painting provenances, it’s in the episode

dead man’s blood: they use dead man’s blood

salvation: being saved or protected, like the boys and john do with the family

devil’s trap: the devil gets them in a trap. and they built a giant devil’s trap too.

season two

in my time of dying: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

everybody loves a clown: based off of the gary lewis song [x]

bloodlust: i think it’s for the vampires but they were also a band in the 90′s

children shouldn’t play with dead things: based off of the 1972 movie

simon said: the whole “you do what i say” thing with andy and evil andy

no exit: it’s a song by blondie and in the episode h.h. holmes captures blondes...? am i just clowning

the usual suspects: based off of the 1995 movie

crossroad blues: based off of the robert johnson song (fave!) [x]

croatoan: i like this one. okay, so you guys probably know about the whole roanoke/croatoan thing in the 1600′s. so there’s a theory that the settlers were wiped out by a disease (similar to this town). also, the town would disappear off of the map.

hunted: gordon hunted sam

playthings: dolls, but the little girl was the grandma’s sisters plaything

nightshifter: a shifter in the night

houses of the holy: based off of the led zeppelin song and album [x]

born under a bad sign: based off of this song [x] there are a bunch of others including jimi hendrix but...?

tall tales: yeah i think this one is self explanatory

roadkill: someone got killed on the road

heart: werewolf heart but also how sam gave his heart to madison aww also there’s a band called heart

hollywood babylon: based off of the book by the same name

folsom prison blues: based off of the johnny cash song!! [x]

what is and what should never be: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

all hell breaks loose: yes it did

season three

the magnificent seven: based off of the pretty famous western go watch

the kids are alright: based off of the who song [x]

bad day at black rock: based off of the 1955 movie

sin city: there’s a bunch of songs but the city was sinning so

bedtime stories: they were bedtime stories

red sky at morning: the full phrase is “red sky at morning, sailors take warning”. with the theme of this ep it fits pretty well.

fresh blood: fresh blood yes

a very supernatural christmas: i’m not sure. i think it’s based off of a christmas album?

malleus maleficarum: a 1400′s book of witches. latin for “hammer of the witches”.

dream a little dream of me: i love this song! based off this: [x]

mystery spot: mystery spot

jus in bello: i can’t really explain it but here [x]

ghostfacers: g h o s t f a c e r s

long-distance call: long distance call

time is on my side: based off of the rolling stones song [x]

no rest for the wicked: a biblical quote that means “evildoers will face eternal punishment”. also, “one’s work never ceases”.

season four

lazarus rising: in the bible, lazarus is the righteous man, which makes dean the righteous man. and he rises. so.

are you there, god? it’s me, dean winchester: based off of the judy blume book (maybe?), are you there, god? it’s me, margaret.

in the beginning: they go back in time

metamorphosis: with the rugaru but also sammeh

monster movie: monsters and movies

yellow fever: referring to the disease i think, but also there are a few songs

it’s the great pumpkin, sam winchester: based off of it’s the great pumpkin, charlie brown.

wishful thinking: yeah

i know what you did last summer: dean + hell, sam + ruby. is it based off of the shawn mendes song? i don’t think it is because this came out way before the song.

heaven and hell: opposite sides meet, dean’s hell experiences.

family remains: there are remains

criss angel is a douche bag: idk?

after school special: based off of the abc program? i think?

sex and violence: there was a lot of sex. and violence.

death takes a holiday: death took a holiday

on the head of a pin: i’m not sure but this article is interesting, maybe related. probably related. [x]

it’s a terrible life: based off of it’s a wonderful life? i love that movie btw

the monster at the end of this book: ughhh! yes!!! first of all there’s a sesame street book by the same title. also, chuck actually was the monster at the end of the book! that’s crazy. insane.

jump the shark: “(of a television series or movie) reach a point at which far-fetched events are included merely for the sake of novelty, indicative of a decline in quality.“ probably the whole long lost brother thing.

the rapture: a belief that christians will rise to “meet the lord in the air”. kinda like jimmy does.

when the levee breaks: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

lucifer rising: lucifer rose

season five

sympathy for the devil: based off of the rolling stones song [x]

good god, y’all!: cas goes to find god

free to be you and me: a marlo thomas album and the brothers split up

the end: yeah it’s the end

fallen idols: i think we get it

i believe the children are our future: a lyric from a whitney houston song

the curious case of dean winchester: based off of the short story, the curious case of benjamin button.

changing channels: channels were changed. the end.

the real ghostbusters: based on the 1985 animation

abandon all hope: the full phrase is “abandon all hope, ye who enter here” and that pretty much sums up this episode.

sam, interrupted: i’m not sure?

swap meat: meats were SWAPPED.

the song remains the same: based off of the led zeppelin song [x]

my bloody valentine: based on jensen’s movie. but also the band?

dead men don’t wear plaid: based on the 1982 movie

dark side of the moon: a pink floyd album

99 problems: that one jayz song whatever

point of no return: a 1993 movie but also the poto song hehe

hammer of the gods: based off of the 1985 book i think? it’s about led zeppelin so probably yeah.

the devil you know: means that it’s better to deal with a situation you understand than one you don’t.

two minutes to midnight: this phrase is commonly used as a countdown to a global catastrophe (i.e. the fucking apocalypse)

swan song: someone’s final performance before retirement (i think this is about both brothers because it’s sam last battle and dean’s last fight before living with lisa)

season six

exile on main st.: based off of the rolling stones album [x]

two and a half men: it was a sitcom? but idk if that’s where it’s from

the third man: based off of the 1949 noir thriller? maybe? but there were also three men so idrk

weekend at bobby’s: it was a weekend at bobbys

live free or twi-hard: based off of twilight and that bruce willis movie that i watched once way back when

you can’t handle the truth: truth goddess. soulless sam gets exposed ig

family matters: based off of the 1989 sitcom? maybe

all dogs go to heaven: based off of the 1989 movie? probably

clap your hands if you believe: i think this is an original title idk

caged heat: based off of the 1974 movie i think

appointment in samarra: probably based off of the 1934 novel of the same name

like a virgin: based off of the madonna song [x]

unforgiven: sam does unforgiven things

mannequin 3: the reckoning: not sure

the french mistake: just... just read this link [x]

and then there were none: based off of the agatha christie novel of the same name

my heart will go on: y’all all know what’s up [x]

frontierland: they went to yeehaw town

mommy dearest: based on the 1981 film? maybe?

the man who would be king: based off of the 1888 novel by rudyard kipling

let it bleed: based off of the rolling stones album/song [x]

the man who knew too much: shares a name with the 1956 film

season seven

meet the new boss: they met the new boss idk

hello, cruel world: sad sam

the girl next door: there’s a 2004 romcom with the same name

defending your life: a 1991 romcom! wow!

shut up, dr. phil: sam and dean became philanthropists idk

slash fiction: hahahahaha i think we know what it means but wHY is it called that?

the mentalists: they met a bunch of magic people wow!

season 7, time for a wedding!: more like season 7, time for a slightly r*pey episode and GARTH!

how to win friends and influence monsters: based off of the 1936 book how to win friends and influence people

death’s door: they were at death’s door idk

adventures in babysitting: based off of the 1987 movie by the same name

time after time after time: based off of the cyndi lauper song? [x]

the slice girls: prolly based off of the spice girls idk

plucky pennywhistle’s magic menagerie: yeah idk

repo man: it’s a 1984 film too

out with the old: they were fucking around with antiques

the born-again identity: obviously based off of the bourne identity which i haven’t seen in forever

party on, garth: hahaha

of grave importance: it was very important

the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo: probably based off of the movie/book the girl with the dragon tattoo.

reading is fundamental: reading is fundamental. go read a book.

there will be blood: there was blood

survival of the fittest: everybody fought idk

okay i’m gonna stop here for this one because i’m tired asf and i’ll do part 2 later

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misha-moose-dean-burger-lover · 5 years

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Destiel - my shower isn’t working can I use yours 😆

Okay, so where I'm going with this one isn't exactly a meetcute to me, but it also could be, if you are into that kind of stuff, I'm not sure about most things, please enjoy the story ~

***

It's been one hour since Dean's gotten up, and the day already sucks.

Things had been fine till all the noise started. It was eleven, on a Sunday morning, and he had been contentedly sitting on his couch, watching Queer Eye as he had his breakfast of milk, cereal and beer, as one does, and wondering about Sammy's whereabouts, even while he prepared punny punchlines for the latter's inevitable walk of shame - when the drilling had begun.

And Dean didn't like disturbing loud noises - not so early on weekends, and not ever.

Obviously some sort of construction work, or maintenance was happening at the apartment across the hall from his. Dean's brain registered it immediately as the one with the ridiculously cute Lit. Major, Cas-something, and his friend (well, Dean hoped, though they did seem pretty close).

Dean didn't know those two very well, because they'd only just moved in like a month ago - which could've made the drilling sorta suspicion-worthy, if their apartment building had had any good reputation at all. Dean had had his midterms then, so he hadn't gotten to know them much - though Sam had told him, from when he went to the mixer they threw like a fortnight ago, that they seemed like good people.

Dean's interactions had thus been pretty limited with Cas - Sam had only remembered that much of his name, for the stupid giant head he has, and Dean couldn't even be sure that it was correct, they'd never conversed so he'd never had a chance to use it - but that's what he calls him when he thinks of him in his head.

And he does. He knows Cas studies Literature, because he's seen him with Professor Moseley. And he knows Cas liked honey, because his friend, Balthazar had come to ask if they had any, because 'his roommate needed it, and was too anxious to initiate social interactions', Dean remembers, in a sarcastic accented drawl. And he knows that Cas runs in the mornings, and that he -

There's a knock at his door, which brings him out of his reverie. He sets down his tray, and went to open the door, expecting Sam - silently regretting using some of the last minutes thinking about his gorgeous neighbors, instead of what all he'd say to get Sam all riled up, when he showed up in last evening's clothes.

But it isn't Sam. It's Cas - or, to play on the safer side, Dean was going to pretend he didn't know his name at all; that would be better than to call him by the wrong name because what kind of asshole does that?

"Hello!" From the other side of the door, Cas - or whatever the fuck his name is, Dean keeps calling him Cas, because he has been doing it in his head, for a month now - breathes out, in a beautiful goddamn baritone. He's looking straight at Dean with unbelievably blue eyes, and Dean's never stood this close to him, in actual reality before.

So, undoubtedly, he is too busy gawking at Cas, to respond to the greeting - but he can't be blamed. Cas is breathless, and sweaty - from the way his fitted grey tshirt sticks to all the right places, and how sweat glistens on his forehead and plasters his black hair to his head. If Dean had ever been able to get Sam's nagging, 'You're confusing reality with porn again' out of his head, his brain could've conjured up some really interesting scenarios.

He stands in front of Dean, dressed in only a tshirt and what are clearly running shorts, and suddenly Dean's aware of the fact that he's wearing flannel pajamas, which are also Sam's, if that isn't embarrassing enough by itself - since he didn't wanna do laundry, and which are hatefully too big for him - a white shirt that has Donald Duck on it, and his fucking heart on his sleeve.

"Uh." He begins, eloquent as ever. "Hey there."

"Do you," Cas's lips twist into some sort of a frown. "Think I could come inside?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure." Dean mutters, making way for him to enter. The passage is wide enough for there to be zero contact between them, as Cas shuffles inside and Dean reaches forward to shut the door and lock it behind him - and for the first time, Dean wishes he lived in a skimpier apartment. "What's up, dude?" Dean asks, trying to get a hold of himself, as he stares at Cas tentatively, waiting for him to make the next move, as he tries to figure out how to keep looking at him before coming off as creepy. As one does.

"I - well, I -" He begins, and then stops abruptly, holding his hand out to Dean. "I'm Castiel, by the way, and I live across you."

Dean nods, wetting his lips, as he shook his hand. "I, uh, know." He says, uncertainly. And then realizing he hasn't introduced himself either, he hurriedly adds. "And I'm Dean. I live across you, too."

Castiel smiles at him, in spite of the lame joke, and Dean is grateful, because he was about to start looking for a hole to bury himself in. Then, Castiel starts speaking too, and Dean shifts his focus between his words and the way his voice sounds, to keep up. "As I guess you've probably heard, Balthazar is getting some repairs done at our place. I didn't know it was today until right about now, but this thing might take time. Shelves to be made, showers to be fixed, fire alarms which actually work to be installed -" Dean snorts at that, then is instantly appalled at himself, because that's the most unattractive way he could laugh, fucking get your act together, Winchester. "And so on. I'm sorry on both our behalf, because the noise must be disturbing, and -"

"Nah, nevermind." Dean interrupts. "It's not a big deal." What else is he supposed to say? 'I wanna kill myself because of it, so please don't need a new shelf, ever again?' Pfft.

"You're very understanding," Castiel smiles once again, and it's a polite one - and Dean is suddenly hit by the realization that that is perhaps what Castiel is here for. To be polite and curtesical about the fact that they're disturbing the whole building. Not because he wants to have anything to do with Dean - perhaps he did this with everyone on all the floors, and gave compensation-cookies, but then ran out of them before he came to Dean, but didn't think Dean was worth that much of an effort.

Dean's subconscious does make an effort to put a pause to the annoying workings of his mind, but as always, the other side triumphed. And then Dean stands there, feeling ridiculous about himself having internally made such a big deal of something like this.

But then, Castiel start speaking again. "And, I know this is such an idiotic favor to ask for -" So there is more, thinks Dean. "And you are allowed to turn me down, okay?"

"Ask away, dude," Dean tells him. I'd literally bend over on the centerpiece for you, if you asked nicely, he doesn't say, because. Well. Boundaries and crap.

Castiel seems to be gathering his words.

Dean wonders what it could be.

He hasn't wondered far, when Castiel finally lets it out. "I - I just came from my run, and I really think I need to shower. And my shower isn't working, could I use yours?"

Dean is stunned. He didn't think things like this we're supposed to happen in actual frigging reality. Castiel - the totally hot dude from across the hallway was asking to take a shower in his apartment. Dean's brain was practically stuttering, at this point.

"Dean?" Castiel echoes.

Dean's brain goes around the roundabout, and starts to take the route back to a safer place. It's obviously not like Castiel is going to be in the shower, and then asking Dean to join. That, now that would be something that would honestly throw him off. But this is cool, right? The guy has a reason. (And no porn has such legitimate explanations, okay?) So perhaps Dean should go looking for his brain in the gutters, and respond.

"Yeah. Uh, sorry about that." He shrugs, and then nods. "You know what? Sure. You can. I mean, why would I say no, you know?"

Castiel blinked at him. "Are you sure?"

"Of course." Dean nods, way surer now that Castiel looks insecure of ever asking. And Castiel gives him a small smile. "Thank you."

A moment passes, and they're simply looking at each other, and Dean is obviously trying to alternate gazes between his eyes, and his lips. Then suddenly, Castiel clears his throat, and raises his eyebrows with a slight tilt of his head and Dean returns to the present.

"Right!" He swallows. "Right now. Okay, yeah, okay." He doesn't really know what to do for a moment there, but then he looks at Castiel, who's sporting an absolutely adorable gummy smile.

"You do know you don't have to do anything, right?" He supplies, somehow reading the tension in his body. "Just, uh, direct me towards your bathroom, please."

And Dean's brain stops short on the verge of short-circuiting - he doesn't know why, okay!? - and he just nods. "Yeah, uh. Sure. That's smart. It's this way."

When Dean has shown Castiel to the bathroom - the one attached to his bedroom, and not Sam's - he instantly fetches a towel for him, too. Kind of a 'I'm not always as slow as I just was in the living room' gesture, and Castiel accepts it with a smile. "Thank you, again."

"It's not an issue, seriously," Dean promises, still hovering, even though he's shown Castiel to the bathroom and handed him the best towel he owns. "Oh, right." Dean suddenly steps into the bathroom, remembering - Castiel follows him in, like he's obviously supposed to, but now it's just the two of them in that confined white-tiled space, and Dean's mouth feels dry. "About the, uh, thingy? Contrary to what you may infer from the symbols, left is hot, and right is cold. We actually installed it wrong."

"Oh," Castiel takes it easily. "Thank you for telling me that."

"Yeah." Dean checks himself, and then the space around him, and is sure he's done all he can do - to help Castiel, to embarrass himself, etcetera - and he takes his leave. "I'll, uh, go now. Enjoy, I guess."

And he hears a bit of a chuckle behind him, as he practically rushes out of his bedroom and back to the living room, where he sits with his legs folded on the couch, and screws his eyes shut - trying to focus all his energy on going back to a happier timr, where he hadn't said 'enjoy' to Castiel, before leaving him in a fucking bathroom.

Dean tries to not think about it - he really does. He tries not to listen to Cas showering, and tries not to hear Castiel's almost-mute (maybe non-existent) humming, and he tries so frigging hard to not imagine a very naked Castiel in his shower. Or what he might be doing, and - OH, that is another level of gross, even for him.

And because the world is so fair to him, he manages to stop thinking about it - for one goddamn moment, before he's now thinking of worse things. Like all the kinds of things there are in his bathroom. Fuck, there's probably some gross hair in the drain from when he shampooed a few days earlier. There's that one crack in the tiles, where Dean had fallen - one very, very complicated afternoon. And, Jesus fucking Christ, there was lube on some rack somewhere.

As Dean sits on the couch by himself, regretting all of his life choices all at once, and wondering how much easier it would be if he flees to Alaska for the rest of the time Castiel is at Stanford - he tries to tune out the sounds of the water to the backdrop of Queer Eye - and all the drilling, obviously, but he still notices when the water is turned off.

It couldn't have been more than ten minutes, if he's being honest, but it feels a lot longer. Sighing, Dean throws his head back against the couch, and rubs the palms of his hands against his eyes -

And that's when Castiel yells for him.

Dean is thrown off at first, but then he's rushing, because why the hell would Castiel be asking for him now - when he's clearly just finished showering - if it wasn't something important.

So Dean crosses the living room with large steps, and is going into his bedroom when he sees Castiel, standing in the doorway of the bathroom - completely naked, except for the towel around his waist.

If Dean had thought he'd been having trouble looking away before, well, he certainly had no chance against this. Castiel's arms were a feast for his eyes - his fucking biceps would've been as big as Dean's, easily. His entire torso was lean and muscled, and his shoulders combined with his pecs were something that would certainly feed Dean's fantasies for a long, long time. And all the running had certainly paid off, because he had these beautiful fucking calves, and all his -

Shit. Dean is extremely not okay, when it comes to this guy. He needs to stop.

"Dean." Castiel's voice hits him with a jolt, and Dean's eyes turn up to Castiel's - wishing with all his heart, that he had not caught him checking him out. "I'm so sorry."

"What?" He blinks. What had he done? Wait, did he somehow break his shower, because Dean kind of had feelings for that shit.

"I need to ask another favor of you," Castiel looks truly apologetic, like it pains him as much to be asking Dean to do this - as it pains Dean to not go back to staring at him. "And this one is all sorts of dumb, but I -"

"What do you need?" Dean cuts him off; the apologising routine was cumbersome.

"My clothes, from my apartment. Mine are drenched from the run." He emphasizes. "And I was about to go get a towel and a change of clothes before, but then you handed me that towel, and I was too distracted - I mean, I wasn't thinking of it then, and Dean - I obviously need clothes." With his jaw fucking dropped, Dean waits for him to finish. "And I don't think I should go into my apartment like this," He looks down at himself. "There's other people working there."

Some part of Dean wants to hang onto the part, which hints that Castiel is fine being this way in front of Dean - but not in front of those workers, but then he instantly realizes that's dumb and nothing romantic at all. There is no comparison.

"Dean." And now, he's giving him a full on puppy stare. Sam-level. "Would you please -"

"Wait." Dean hears himself speaking, though he's almost sure he's not thinking those things through. "That's not smart. I wouldn't know where your stuff is, and I'm not going to pick out pants and shirts for you. It would be easier if you just wore something of mine. We're basically the same size." And this time, Dean has somewhat of an excuse to space another glance to Castiel's naked upper-body.

"But," Castiel looks like he might try to protest, but then he doesn't. "I do think that is the smarter option. I just hope you don't mind."

It's better than me playing dress-up on you, Dean thinks. 'There's no way I'd survive looking at your wardrobe, even.' But he keeps it to himself. "I don't. You can, uh." He leans in and slides open one door. "Pick anything from here."

"Okay." Castiel swallows. "Thank you, Dean."

"Yeah." And it comes out a little bit strangled, because now Dean has another thing that makes him feel suffocated, but in all the best ways. Castiel, in his clothes. And also because he's still staring at him, a little bit.

"Thank you for everything, Dean." Castiel sighs, and Dean - for a fleeting second - imagines that he's gonna get a hug but then it's like they both remember in the same instant that Castiel doesn't have clothes on.

Now that would've been a surefire way for Dean to have finally gotten the attack he's been on the verge of, since the moment there was a knock on his door.

Almost an hour later, Sam stumbles back in. He might be in last night's clothes, but he looks tardy in the 'all-night-group-study' sense, and not the fun sense - and Dean wouldn't put it past his geek of a brother.

But Sam comes in to find Dean has a guest over from across the hallway - and the-Cas-guy is wearing Dean's AC/DC shirt (or maybe Sam's just sleepy) and they're having grilled cheese while sitting too close on the couch, as they watch Queer Eye.

(Dean fills him in later, that because Dean had kinda helped Cas out that day, he says with a bit of a blush, Cas had offered to make him breakfast to repay him; but Sam knows that's Dean's cereal bowl in the sink, but he can easily imagine how Dean must have leaped at the the offer of a second breakfast, as long as Cas, the cute guy Dean hundred-percent has a crush on, offered to make it - and in turn, stayed some more.)

***

I'm finally back to destiel! It took me a while ;) but I found my way back ~ this was so fun to write, and I almost lost my draft for a bit there and then it came back and I was like, THIS ISN'T SAFE IN QUEUE, POST IMMEDIATELY (≧∇≦) Anyways, thank you @petrichoravellichor for the prompt! I keep thinking, I'll do the cookie fic next, and there's this huge hype around it, and then I think that maybe I'm not ready yet and I start creating something else Ψ(￣▽￣)Ψ The next is gonna be Sabriel, I think!

This time, I'll just tag the list as it is, because it's destiel: @ctrl-alt-design @emmii4 @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @styggtroll @petrichoravellichor @all-or-nothing-baby @moderatelypanickedbiromantic @elvenlicht @legendary-destiel @noemithenephilim @galaxy-charm @trenchcoatsandfreckles @naitia @ladywaywarddsc @zoerayne2426 @thekidsmaybealright @hellfire37 @3dg310rdsupreme @impulsivedandelion @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect List is Open! Send me messages, I guess, if you wanna be added/removed.

That's all for today! Maybe leave me a comment to gush about. Hope you all have an amazing day ~ Keep it sailing ~

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eisforeidolon · 4 years

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Episode: Back and to the Future

I get why, thematically, they chose that song for the previouslies that kick off the final season. However, from my perspective I just do not think it actually works at all. It is far too sedate for the action it’s recapping and the scene it cuts into. The juxtaposition of such different paces is just ... odd.

I guess I'm supposed to feel all sad and shit from the lingering shots of dead!Jack's burned out eye holes? Maybe if he'd had a personality other than being an amorphous shifting blob of unbelievable power and permanent intellectual infancy I was supposed to care about because of the number of times they had the other characters say he was their son/family/awesome. As is? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I wish I could say I was surprised that the veritable army of animate corpses making a beeline for the Winchesters and Cas just … somehow … let them escape and run away. I'd have been a lot more surprised if the writers had actually bothered to do the work to get the characters out of the corner the last finale put them into, at this point. Then there's the bit where the writers shove some nonsense into Dean's mouth to try and make it seem like this whole thing with Chuck isn't a sudden random asspull to go for the most absurdly overpowered villain they could think of for the last season. Totally believable, oh yeah.

Although the idea of a sewer running through a graveyard including right to the wall of a crypt does not exactly seem likely to me, I do actually give the writers points for having that not actually work as an escape route. Also awarding some points for them remembering that as an angel, Castiel should be able to see demons.

As other people have already pointed out, considering what he did to the Novak family and how haphazardly he handled Claire, especially? Him bitching about any other creature defiling somebody's corpse is pretty fucking hilarious. Though I'd possibly be more sympathetic if demon!Jack didn't already show a 500% more interesting personality in thirty seconds than actual!Jack did in two seasons. So far as I’ve been concerned, the only think Jack has really had going for him is Alex, so Alex as a different character, even a demon, I’m calling a win.

I honestly do not get the decision of trying garner fan nostalgia by bringing back ghosts from previous seasons if they're just going to arbitrarily make them kill anyone at random for kicks. Would it have been that hard to have shown “Bloody Mary” killing one person who might have had a secret where someone died? Because I could buy it for one of those teen girls, but not both. Or limiting the “Woman in White” to attacking men along highways who might possibly be unfaithful? Maybe we're supposed to believe that they're all just so pissed off at having spent all that time in hell that they have completely lost touch with what originally tied them to earth and drove them to kill in the first place? I don't mind them no longer being tied to a physical location since they were banished and unnaturally returned, but to be so disconnected to what drove them to become angry spirits seems much more intrinsic to who and what they were. I guess even the ghosts lose their personalities to become cardboard in the hands of Dabbernatural.

Oh, look, mysteriously, big G God's tantrum opening up hell is not actually big enough to impact the whole planet – or even, you know, more than the literal next town over. This is my surprised face.

Then we get to the bit where the Winchesters find an abandoned car with a bloody mess inside and are all, “Look at this Woman in White kill! Obviously it was a Woman in White! Totally the specific one we sent to hell! Because … car! And, uh, blood! And, oh, because the fucking script says so.” REASONS, YO.

Aren't all garage doors required to have an emergency pull for if the power goes out? Obviously the script required the pair of VotW end up stuck hiding in the garage, which, uh, a ghost can't find people hiding now? Did I miss something in there that explained that silly convenience that makes the ghost even less spooky in an episode that really really fails on that count even more later on?

I guess maybe I should be happy that it's Castiel that gets hit with the dumb characterization stick to necessitate Sam & Dean not work together to clear out the town? Look, at this point, considering the way the writers have had him act as a constant disaster zone of idiotic choices and betrayals for several seasons now, my ability to sympathize with Cas is a wee bit limited. To have him now sulk like a toddler and refuse to work with the demon to help the Winchesters save an entire town full of people and prevent the spread of angry hell ghosts to the world beyond that? Because oh noes it's wearing Jack's face and he was just sooooo attached? Even though all of them supposedly thought of Jack as their kid? He doesn't even try to offer up alternatives to working with the demon with the very convenient solution, just whines about it?

So basically this billions of years old angel somehow has less fucking practicality than the Winchesters (despite how easily he killed the shit out of his fellow angels when it suited his plans). Not to mention that by refusing, he's saddling Dean with having to work with demon!Jack. The human guy who was just recently convinced he had to kill Jack for the good of the world after Jack killed his mother, only to have a change of heart when he saw Jack’s understanding, only for Jack to end up killed anyway – you know, emotions a hell of a lot more conflicted about their supposed kid's than Castiel's? Castiel is just fine with that! What a self-centered dick.

I liked Dean's conversation with Rowena on the phone and his response to her presumable demand to ask more nicely. I laughed at Sam accidentally shooting Cas and Cas' resultant reaction. I thought it was curious that they had the demon bring up Dean's time as a torturer in hell, though I'd be pleasantly surprised if it was anything but a way to segue into the Cage getting opened. One utterly wasted Michael storyline is apparently not enough for Dabb! Maybe it's just supposed to be some kind of weird demon idea of flattery, but I did find their interactions interesting. I would be intrigued by the weird flashes when Cas was trying to heal Sam (Another angel power that actually works for once? Wow!) … if Dabb hadn't already yammered on about what it means in an interview. That dude is absolutely allergic to leaving any kind of major storyline an open mystery or letting it retain any intrigue for fans to speculate about. I was not impressed with Sam getting damsel-ed to be saved by Castiel at least twice. Come on, show.

As I speculated before and said above, I’m fine with the Chuckified nature of their release meaning some rules don’t apply. I could maybe even understand the thought process that them being out in the daytime, without being limited to darkness, was scarier? I just wish anyone behind the camera was awake enough to actually look at the aesthetics of what they did here and realize that no, it's really really not. The whole thing just looked so embarrassingly mediocre - pantomime actors in bad bargain basement costumes silly. I think it was @hippychick006 that suggested gifs of the whole end portion looked like they should be set to Yackety Sax? The context of the episode does not in any way negate that. Just … wow. Like with the wire fight, I am flabbergasted that this made it to air without somebody finding the brakes.

I'm not sure if the writers actually made a failed reference by having the Woman in White say Dean was the one who took her home when it was Sam, or if they meant to imply he and Sam together had been there/responsible and Dean was the one she was addressing. Regardless, I'm not impressed with how all the ghosts Sam & Cas were being confronted by just … stood there to be shot one by one for a while. And then … ran … literally ran … chasing them down the street instead of doing the whole ghost teleport thing. There are way, way too many times in this episode where the guys get away or win a fight because reasons and there is absolutely no tension in that. Even if it didn't also look ridiculous. Dean’s part of the confrontation was a little less absurd in that respect, at least. And the spell effects actually looked reasonably cool.

I'm a little annoyed at myself that the obligatory brother scene at the end of the episode kind of works on me. Though I’m not particularly impressed with Sam's conclusion that God is totally going to leave them alone now. Sure, Chuck has a long habit of leaving when he's bored, but he isn't leaving this world because he's bored. You guys actively pissed him off! Yet Sam treats it like a foregone conclusion Chuck will have buggered off instead of sticking around to watch his previously favorite but now uncooperative toys suffer and die first. Though I'm not sure if that's a writer issue, actually, or just a legit choice I don’t care for. I could see Sam insisting on trying to sell a potential positive side with no room for doubt with as fatalistic as Dean is being. I could also see it just being one of those things Sam convinces himself must be true because he's reasoned it out in his head and refuses to consider alternatives may exist. Like how he was so convinced it could only be God planting visions in his head back in season 11. Still, I like the callback and I can even see why Dean is the most immediately cynical and pissed off, so hey! There was actually one whole entire scene I enjoyed in there!

#negativity for ts #anti dabb #anti castiel #anti jack kline #writer incompetence #spn 15x01 #spn season 15 #long post

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nerdylittleshit · 5 years

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Thoughts about Spn 14x08

SPOILERS AHEAD! BEWARE!

So, does anybody else have Buffy season 2 war flashbacks? (I know you do) What an episode. It was a lot to take in, both emotionally (ALL THE FEELS), as well if what happened in the episode could mean for the future. For whatever slow pacing the season had so far, Jack’s sickness and death arc happened rather fast. They could have dragged it out longer, and the reason they didn’t means it was a plot device. Though unlike Kevin or Charlie’s death (who were plot devices as well) this ended on a happy note. For now.

But, as always, let’s take a closer look.

Because I made a promise, because I love you

I saw some speculation about Jack’s death after last week’s episode, that he had to die in order for the story to make sense, but in all honesty I didn’t expect it so soon. I was not ready. And obviously neither were Sam, Dean and Cas. And we see how different they react to his death, how Dean can’t even bear to be in the same room when it happens, but afterwards he is the one dealing with the most mature. He is the one talking about a funeral, and he is the one most suspicious of the deal Lily Sunder offered. And I think it might be because he has been a father his whole life, and it is not the first child he loses (Sam), whereas Sam and Cas are strangers to the situation. Sam only lost people who took care of him but never someone he felt responsible for.

I hope nobody dares to give Mary shit for not calling back immediately. I think Dean calling her was a good way to include her in the episode, because apart from Team Free Will she was closest to Jack. And Dean, who tried to hold everything together, just needed for a moment to be a child as well. He needed comfort as well, and Mary is the only one he allows himself to ask for it.

The episode focused on the unnaturalness of a child dying before his parents. All three (Sam, Dean and Cas) fully accept Jack as their child. Cas says that this is not how he thought Jack’s story would end, which of course is very meta thing to say. Even on a show like Supernatural nobody expected Jack to really die. And we see two women trying to help Jack who both know what it means to lose a child: Rowena last episode and now Lily Sunder.

A word about Lily: I’m glad they brought her back because she has been an awesome character. I’m glad that she found some sort of peace and that they let her age (because, you know, women aren’t allowed to get older on TV). There is also regret of what she had done. Yes, she got her revenge, but it almost cost her her soul (metaphorically and literary), reminding us again that revenge will never bring you peace. And by doing so she ruined her chance to be reunited with her daughter. I love how they ended her story, how Dean reminded her of her humanity, of her own pain, and how that one big sacrifice got rewarded in the end.

Dean is the one who is the most suspicious of the deal they made, which shows his growth. Also his first assumption is that Sam made a deal, and he got really angry about it. I do believe that the spell they used to save Jack will have consequences. If Dean is suspicious it is always an alarm signal. Lily says that as long as he only uses his soul to sustain his body it won’t cost him much. So Jack will probably use this magic for more, which will have an effect on his soul. I… don’t like it.

After Jack dies he goes to heaven, which makes sense, because without his grace he is essentially human. And yet the Empty claims him. So does the Empty also claims other angels who lost their grace? Does it matter more what you were born as, than as what you die?

I also wonder if the Empty has been awake since Cas woke it up (and it can’t go back to sleep until Cas returns), or if Lucifer woke it up again? Naomi said Cas is the only one who ever escaped the Empty, so does that mean Lucifer is still there and that she doesn’t know about him yet? Is the Empty pissed because Cas escaped or because he woke it up or both?

I also loved how Erica Cerra played the Empty (better than Misha and his weird accent *cough*). I really think the major issue is that the Empty is now awake, aware of the endless nothingness it is surrounded by. I would go bonkers as well. The deal Cas makes is of course a huge reference to Buffy and the curse Angel was put under. Angel lost his soul after one moment of true happiness, and that happiness happened after he finally allowed himself to return Buffy’s love. So yeah, if they go that route, it would be a huge step towards Destiel. I wonder if Cas remembers this del however and if Jack does as well, because we know Sam and Dean forgot all of their heaven memories.

One more thing about the Empty: back in season 12 it was already a metaphor for depression, representing empty nothingness, and we saw how Cas overcame it. And now, when he finally allows himself to be happy, it will take him away again. Ouch.

I also saw some suggesting that Cas only needs to become human, so he will go to heaven if he dies. But Jack was human when he died, and the Empty still claimed him. A deal is a deal.

Also speaking of Destiel, the episode made a huge deal of separating Sam from Dean and Cas, and showing us basically them acting as husbands the entire time. Because they are.

It is also interesting that Jack’s heaven, one of his happiest memories, is their hunt from 13x06. That was after Cas returned and Den finally started accepting Jack. He sees them as much as his family as they seem him as their child. I don’t think this makes Kelly less important, but he simply had no memories of her he could see. I do love the ways in which the show made Kelly part of Jack’s story and that they were finally able to meet. It tied her story up perfectly. And her and Cas’s story as well. All. The. Feels.

On another note I love how Supernatural just mixes up all religions. Yes of course Anubis works with heaven (and yeah for a moment I thought they would have the same point system as in The Good Place). But also Anubis’s reminder that it isn’t him or God who decides where we will end up but just ourselves. Our choices determinate what kind of person we are. (I wonder where Sam and Dean would go? They did save the world (a lot) but also did some really awful things)

So next week we will see Michael again. How does heaven know where to find him? And what is the relationship between heaven and Michael? Michael didn’t seem to fond of the angels and Naomi just gave his location to the hunters who try to kill him… unless it is a trap *badadum* We will see.

Until next week <3

#supernatural #spn 14x08 #byzantium #spn meta #spoilers #my meta

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hippychick006 · 5 years

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5.04 - The End

Or the one where Jensen works his ass off, doing double time and Jared comes in and steals the episode. (paraphrasing Jensen’s words).

Even though I don’t like where Sam and Dean are at right now, and I don’t like the arc of Season 5 over all (that Sam somehow needs to get redemption), I’m just trying to switch off from that and enjoy the parts of episodes that don’t annoy me and there’s some very good scenes in this one and it’s a very good episode overall.

Also, contrary to what some people might think, I’m happy to have the brothers separated if the story is interesting enough, and this one is. And by separating the brothers on occasion, it’s nice to see what one of them is like without the other. In this case, Future!Dean is very like Sam was in Mystery Spot. He’s functioning, he’s even leading a group of survivors, but there’s no empathy to the way he goes about things, and he’s cold and clinical. Not our Dean at all and Jensen does a great job playing both versions of Dean in a single episode. We have the best scene towards the end of the episode with Sam as Lucifer, and now that I’ve re-watched this, I’m going to be completely biased and say Jared does the best take on Lucifer. 😊 We also have my favourite version of Castiel so it’s an episode I’m happy to have on my re-watch list. Not one of my overall faves, but it’s up there.

Episode opens on the Impala pulling up to a hotel. As Dean gets out and approaches the hotel, a religious man handing out pamphlets asks if he’s “taken time out to think about God’s plan for you?”

Dean: Too friggin’ much, pal!

Inside the hotel room, Dean’s on the phone to Cas. Cas tells him if he’s still set on the “insane task of killing the devil”, then he’s found out the demons have the colt. Dean says it doesn’t make sense for the demons to keep a gun around that kills them. Dean also thinks it’s funny that a messenger of god has to use a cell phone. “It’s, you know, like watching a Hell’s Angel ride a moped.”

Castiel: This isn’t funny, Dean. The voice says I’m almost out of minutes.

These lines are what made Castiel interesting to watch and why, in my view at least, Castiel is a character that had a time and a place that is long finished. I feel that about a lot of characters (except the leads of course). Keep the side characters fresh and interesting rather than stale and boring. Also, it means you don’t end up fast forwarding the scenes of a character you once enjoyed watching - e.g. Lucifer.

Dean isn’t convinced the gun is still around, but since they have no other options, he’s okay with getting on board. Castiel asks where Dean is and wants to come over immediately, but Dean has human stuff to do, like eat and sleep so asks Castiel to come in the morning.

Castiel: Yes, I’ll just… (Dean hangs up)… Wait here, then.

Possibly the most recognisable Castiel line across the series as well as the shot of him just standing at the side of the road… waiting. I loved this moment.

Dean’s sleeping but is woken up by his phone. He answers without looking, “Damn it, Cas, I need to sleep!” It’s not Cas though, it’s Sam. Dean looks at the clock and reads out the time - quarter past four - Sam says it’s important. We next see Dean pulling a beer out of his fridge, Sam is driving while they have their conversation. Sam’s brought Dean up to speed on the whole vessel situation, as Dean puts it: “Lucifer’s wearing you to the prom?”

Sam is surprised at Dean’s lack of alarm to this news. Dean says he’s just numb at this point. When Sam asks what they are going to do about it. Dean asks what Sam wants to do. Sam says he wants back in for starters. Dean tries to speak but Sam continues. “I mean it. I am sick of being a puppet to these sons of bitches. I’m gonna hunt him down, Dean”

Dean: Oh, so, we’re back to revenge then, are we? Yeah, ‘cause that worked out so well last time

Sam: Not revenge. Redemption

As mentioned earlier, I hate this arc. Redemption for what? Unknowingly breaking one of the 66 seals. Never has a character needed redemption less than Sam Winchester.

Dean asks if they’re going to be the dynamic duo again (I like that he thought they were a dynamic duo in the first place). Sam says he’s going to prove to Dean he can do this.

I start a Go Fund Me for Sam to speak to someone about his self esteem issues and having to continually prove himself. This is before we find out in later seasons he always felt he was unclean growing up.

Dean says it doesn’t matter what we do. That they are “the fire and the oil of the Armageddon.” and on that alone should just each pick a hemisphere and keep away from each other. Sam says it doesn’t have to be that way, they can fight it.

Dean: Yeah, you're right. We can. But not together. We're not stronger when we're together, Sam. I think we're weaker. Because whatever we have between us—love, family, whatever it is—they are always gonna use it against us. And you know that. Yeah, we're better off apart. We got a better chance of dodging Lucifer and Michael and this whole damn thing, if we just go our own ways.

Sam asks Dean not to do this, but Dean says bye and hangs up.

I like this whole next scene. Dean wakes up and the room is completely different than how he went to sleep. Everything is broken – including the alarm clock - and the room looks to have been abandoned for years, there’s no mattress or covers, the window is broken and when he looks out of it, the streets are apocalyptic. I like that route 666 is the last movie playing in the abandoned cinema next door.

Dean leaves the hotel and looks around. I think this is one of the biggest sets the show has went with to date. Lots of burned out cars, trash everywhere, graffiti. He comes across a little girl that’s on her own and goes to see if she needs help. He sees blood drip from her mouth and then she suddenly slashes him with some broken glass. Dean knocks her out with a single punch, which is strange to watch a kid getting hit like that (necessary obviously, but strange). He looks around and sees Croatoan written on a wall. Dean: Oh crap.

A horde of infected come around the corner and chase after Dean. Sadly for him, these are not the walking dead kind of zombies, they are 28 days later or world war z type so they can run. Dean runs but gets trapped at a fence. Just when things look bad, the army arrive and start shooting the infected people. Dean ducks down and retreats to take cover in an alley while the army kill the infected to the song Do you love me by The Contours. Great scene and well shot by director Steve Boyum, though I think if it really was a zombie apocalypse, they’d be more careful with preserving bullets.

Later at night, we see Dean break through the fence that was surrounding that part of the city. He sees a sign saying no entry. The sign is dated 2014 (which at the time of episode airing, it would have been 5 years in the future to Dean’s own timeline). He hotwires a handily parked car and tries to get a phone signal as he drives (bad driver alert), he also tries to get radio, but both fail. Dean: That’s never a good sign.

Zachariah arrives in the passenger seat with a quiet flap of wings. He startles Dean as he reads from a newspaper. None of the headlines are good and Palin is apparently President. Zachariah says he found Dean through human informants who have been given Dean’s image to look out for. Dean realises the “bible freak” outside the hotel grassed him up. He demands to be sent back, but Zachariah says he wants him to “marinate” for 3 days to see where his current course of action will take him. Dean asks what he means. Zachariah responds: “It means that your choices have consequences. This (Zachariah holds up the newspaper) is what happens to the world if you continue to say "no" to Michael” He vanishes, Dean is pissed and continues driving. We see fires burning through the window.

First person Dean visits is Bobby. The place has obviously not been lived in for a while. Bobby’s wheelchair is turned over. When Dean sets it upright, he sees bullet holes and dried blood on the back of the seat. He brushes cobwebs off the mantelpiece and opens a hidden compartment and I like these little details we get that they have things that only they know about in case of an emergency. He pulls out his dad’s journal from the hiding place and we see a picture of Bobby and Castiel with 3 other unknown men. They are at a sign saying Camp Chitaqua so I’m guessing that’s where Dean’s heading next.

Sure enough, we see him approach the camp at night. It’s got a fence all around it and men are patrolling. He sees baby and she doesn’t look good. He goes closer to investigate and says: Oh, no, baby, what did they do to you? As he’s taking in the damage to the interior, he hears a noise and doesn’t have time to react before he’s knocked out with a single punch. The camera pans up and we see it’s another Dean. Let’s call him future!Dean so we can differentiate between them.

What’s better than one Dean? Two Dean’s of course! And I love this next scene. Dean wakes up, one hand is handcuffed to a frame. He takes in his surroundings, including future!Dean cleaning a gun. Dean: What the hell?

Future!Dean: I should be asking that question, don't you think? (he points the gun at Dean). In fact, why don't you give me one good reason why I shouldn't gank you right here and now?

Dean: Because… you'd only be hurting yourself.

Dean tells future!Dean that he’s not a shapeshifter or demon or anything like that. Future!Dean answers: Yeah, I know. I did the drill while you were out. Silver, salt, holy water—nothing. But you know what was funny? Was that you had every hidden lockpick, box cutter, and switchblade that I carry. Now, you want to explain that? Oh, and the, uh, resemblance, while you're at it?

Dean explains that he’s from from 2009 and Zachariah brought him to 2014. Future!Dean asks where Zachariah is as he wants to talk to him. Dean says he doesn’t know, he just wants to get back to his own year. Future!Dean asks him to tell him something only he would know to confirm he’s him.

Dean thinks for a few seconds, then smiles: Rhonda Hurley. We were, uh, nineteen. She made us try on her panties. They were pink. And satiny. And you know what? We kind of liked it.

No Hellers, you need to educate yourself. This is not evidence for someone being bi.

Future!Dean thinks for a minute and then says “Touché.” He brings Dean up to speed on the Croatoan virus. Dean asks about Sam. Future!Dean freezes then answers: Heavyweight showdown in Detroit. From what I understand, Sam didn't make it.

Dean is surprised, “You weren't with him?” Future!Dean says no, he hasn’t talked to Sam in five years. Dean: “We never tried to find him?” Future!Dean says they had other people to worry about. He starts to leave and Dean asks if he’s just going to leave him here Future!Dean says yes, the last thing his people need to see is “a version of The Parent Trap”. Dean says fine, “But you don't have to cuff me, man. Oh, come on. You don't trust yourself?”

Future!Dean: No. Absolutely not.

Dean (after he’s left): Dick!

I’m a little disappointed in future!Dean in not remembering how resourceful he is. Dean manages to work a nail out of the floorboards which he uses to remove the handcuffs. He takes a look around the camp and comes across Chuck. Future!Dean’s obviously the camp leader as Chuck tells him they have an issue with supplies and asks Dean what they should do. Dean doesn’t really know and suggests that they should maybe share. A woman comes up and tries to attack him, but Dean grabs Chuck and uses him as a shield saying “Easy, lady!”. Chuck supplies her name; Risa. She accuses Dean of sleeping in “Jane’s” cabin the previous night. Our Dean has no clue if that’s true and asks Chuck, did I? Chuck nods. Risa flounces off and Dean complains that he’s “getting busted for stuff I haven't even done yet.” He asks if Cas is still here. Chuck laughs, “Yeah. I don't think Cas is going anywhere.”

This has to be one of my favourite Castiel’s. His cabin has a bead curtain and there’s hippy type music playing. He’s surrounded by several women. He’s saying stuff like: “So, in this way. We're each a fragment of total perception—just, uh, one compartment in that dragonfly eye of group mind. Now, the key to this total, shared perception—it's, um, it's surprisingly physical...” He spots Dean and says he needs to “confer with our fearless leader for a minute… why not go get washed up for the orgy?”

Dean: What are you, a hippie?

Castiel: I thought you'd gotten over trying to label me.

Dean says they need to talk. Castiel realises Dean is “not you. Not now you, anyway.” Dean confirms he’s from 2009 and Zachariah is to blame. Dean wants Castiel to “strap on your angel wings and fly me back to my page on the calendar?”

Castiel (giggling): I wish I could just, uh, strap on my wings, but I'm sorry, no dice.

Dean asks if Castiel is stoned and he says “generally, yeah.” Dean asks what happened to him. Castiel: Life

Future!Dean arrives back at the camp with some other men – I’m not sure if any of them are in the photo from earlier. He tosses beer to one of the men, raises a toast to him and they both drink. When the man walks away, Future!Dean pulls out his gun and points it at the back of the man’s head. Dean shouts a warning and the man turns around to look and future!Dean shoots him in the head. The others look more shocked that there’s two Dean’s than one of their own has been killed in cold blood.

Future!Dean points at Dean: I'm not gonna lie to you. Me and him—It's a pretty messed-up situation we got going. But believe me, when you need to know something, you will know it. Until then, we all have work to do.

Dean is shoved into the room he escaped from earlier (I’m guessing it’s Camp HQ). It shouldn’t be hot that Future!Dean is the one that shoves him, but it is. Dean can’t believe his future self shot a man in cold blood. Future!Dean says he knew the man was infected and that he “didn't see the point in troubling a good man with bad news.”

Dean: 'Troubling a good man'? You just blew him away in front of your own people. Don't you think that freaked them out a little bit?

Future!Dean responds that “plugging some Croat, it's called commonplace. Trading words with my friggin' clone—that might have freaked them out a little.” He goes on to say that 2014 is his time, so he’s in charge and Dean needs to do what he tells him to do. Dean apologises and says he’s not trying to mess up. Future!Dean says he knows and offers him a glass of whisky.

Dean asks what the mission was that Dean went on. Future!Dean pulls out the colt explaining that the demons have been moving it around for the last five years, but he’s got it and tonight he’s going to kill the devil.

Future!Dean’s having a meeting with his inner circle, which sadly for him, consists of Hippy!Castiel and Risa, who is still pissed from earlier. She’s not impressed they have something to kill Lucifer with, she asks if they have something to find Lucifer with. Future!Dean picks up on the saltiness asks if she’s okay.

Dean helpfully supplies the answer as to why she’s pissed: Oh, we were in, uh, Jane's cabin last night. And, apparently, we and…Risa have a connection.

Castiel laughs, but future!Dean isn’t amused as he tells Dean to shut up. Dean raises his hands.

Future!Dean says they know where Lucifer is, they caught one of his entourage earlier who knew the location. Risa is skeptical about trusting a demon. Future!Dean says to trust him, the demon wasn’t lying. Risa asks how he knows and Castiel answers, “Our fearless leader, I’m afraid, is all too well schooled in the art of getting to the truth.”

Dean: Torture? Oh, so, we're…we're torturing again... No, that's… that's good. Classy.

Castiel laughs and Future!Dean looks at him. Castiel: “What? I like past you.”

Future!Dean ignores him and shows on a map where Lucifer is. Castiel comments that it’s right in the middle of a hot zone. Future!Dean asks Castiel if he thinks his plan is reckless. Castiel, “if you don't like, uh, 'reckless', I could use 'insouciant', maybe.” I like hippy!Castiel

Despite his protests, Castiel’s on board, but he questions why 2009 Dean is coming along, “If something happens to him, you’re gone, right?” Future!Dean’s not interested in debate and says Dean’s coming. Castiel and Risa leave to prepare.

Dean asks why he’s going along. Future!Dean says because he wants him to see something, “I want you to see our brother.”

Dean: Sam? I thought he was dead.

Future!Dean: Sam didn't die in Detroit. He said 'yes'.

Dean: 'Yes'? Future!Dean doesn’t answer and Dean realises… Wait. You mean...

Future!Dean: That's right. The big 'yes'. To the devil. Lucifer's wearing him to the prom.

Dean: Why would he do that?

Future!Dean: Wish I knew. But now we don't have a choice. It's in him, and it's not getting out. And we've got to kill him, Dean. And you need to see it—the whole damn thing, how bad it gets—so you can do it different.

Dean asks him what he means. Future!Dean wants Dean to go back and say ‘yes’ to Michael. If he could go back, he’d say ‘yes’ in a heartbeat, but the angels aren’t listening any more. He begs Dean to say ‘yes’, then realises he won’t. “'Cause I didn't. Because that's just not us, is it?”

It’s night at the camp and they are preparing to leave. Chuck gives Dean some advice when he gets back to his own time: “You hoard toilet paper. You understand me? Hoard it. Hoard it like it's made of gold. 'Cause it is.”

Dean is riding shotgun with Castiel who is popping amphetamines. Dean asks what’s going on with “the drugs and the orgies and the love-guru crap?” Castiel says he’s not an angel anymore, he’s mortal. When the angels left, his mojo disappeared ((which may tie into what’s happening in 2019 if we ever get back to tying up the angel storyline). Cas thinks he’s all but useless as a human. He even broke his foot which laid him up for two months. Dean says welcome to the [human] club. Castiel: “Thanks. Except I used to belong to a much better club. And now I'm powerless. I'm hapless, I'm hopeless...”

It’s day when they walk through the hot zone. Future!Dean tells them their plan; to go in through a second floor window. Risa asks if he’s sure. Dean says to trust him.

Our Dean is not trusting a word that comes out of Future!Dean’s mouth. Dean: Hey, uh… me. Can I talk to you for a sec?” He asks what’s going on. Future!Dean acts innocent, but Dean calls him out, he says he knows their lying expressions because he’s seen them in the mirror. Future!Dean continues to deny he’s hiding anything.

Dean: Oh, really? Well, I don't seem to be the only member of your posse with some questions, so, uh, maybe I'll just take my doubts over to them.

Future!Dean: Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait.

He tells Dean to take a look around which Dean does. Future!Dean says the place should be crawling with croats. Dean realises they cleared a path for them which means that it’s a trap. Dean says if that’s the case, they can’t go through the front.

Future!Dean: Oh, we're not. They are. They're the decoys. You and me, we're going in through the back.

Dean looks in disbelief at his future self. “You mean you're gonna feed your friends into a meat grinder? Cas, too? You want to use their deaths as a diversion?” Future!Dean doesn’t answer and looks away. Dean: Oh, man, something is broken in you. You're making decisions that I would never make. I wouldn't sacrifice my friends.

Future!Dean: You're right. You wouldn't. It's one of the main reasons we're in this mess, actually.

Dean says these people trust Dean. Future!Dean answers: “they trust me to kill the devil and to save the world and that's exactly what I'm gonna do.” Dean says he’s not going to let him. Future!Dean punches Dean and knocks him out.

When Dean wakes up, he hears gunfire inside the building. He runs around the back and arrives in time to see Future!Dean on the ground, under a white shoe. Future!Dean sees him, but then his neck is broken by the owner of the shoe. We see that the owner of the shoe is Sam (or Lucifer in Sam’s body). As an aside, I’m going to make a comment here, that I don’t understand why they don’t keep the clothes consistent between vessels. Wearing all white suit and loafers is definitely not Sam’s choice of clothing, which means it’s all Lucifer, so why isn’t Lucifer choosing this for all his vessels? Why just with Sam? I mean I know Jared looks smoking here, but that’s not the point and he certainly doesn’t need the suit to distinguish us from Sam as Jared does that job brilliantly on his own with a great performance in this scene (along with Jensen).

Anyway, Lucifer turns around and Jared’s face looks so innocent in this scene. He really does make a perfect Lucifer.

Lucifer: Oh… Hello, Dean… Aren’t you a surprise.

Lightning flashes and Dean has to avert his eyes, Lucifer appears behind him. “You've come a long way to see this, haven't you?”

Dean says to go ahead and kill him. Lucifer looks at him and then at the dead version of him. “Kill you? Don’t you think that would be a little…redundant? He sighs. “I'm sorry. It must be painful, speaking to me in this—shape. But it had to be your brother. It had to be.”

I gnash my teeth against later seasons and move on. Lucifer reaches for Dean’s shoulder, Dean moves away. Lucifer tells him he doesn’t have to be afraid of him. He asks what Dean thinks Lucifer is going to do. Dean: I don't know. Maybe deep-fry the planet?” Lucifer is examining a rose but turns back to face Dean. He asks why he would want to destroy something so stunning and beautiful. “The last perfect handiwork of God.” Lucifer – despite Dean’s protests of not wanting to hear it – tells the story of how he fell from grace. Dean says Lucifer is not fooling him, that he knows what he is.

Dean: You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing my whole life. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground, supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you is the size of your ego.

Lucifer smiles: “I like you, Dean. I get what the other angels see in you. Goodbye. We'll meet again soon.” He turns and walks away. Dean demands that Lucifer kill him now or he will find a way to kill Lucifer, and he won’t stop until he does.

Lucifer: I know you won't. I know you won't say yes to Michael, either. And I know you won't kill Sam. Whatever you do, you will always end up here. Whatever choices you make, whatever details you alter, we will always end up...here. I win. So, I win.

Dean is crying, he says Lucifer’s wrong. Lucifer says he’ll see Dean in five years. More lightning and Lucifer disappears. (I think Lucifer has to be the most dramatic angel yet encountered, no mere flapping of the wings for him, thunder and lightning the whole way)

In sharp contrast, Zachariah has to be one of the quietest angels as we don’t hear him flap in. He zaps Dean back to his own time. Dean looks at Zachariah: Oh, well, if it isn't the ghost of Christmas screw you.

Zachariah says enough. That Dean saw what happened, he needs to say yes so they can strike before Lucifer gets to Sam. Dean looks like he’s considering it, he turns away and is silent then he takes a breath and says: Nah.

Zachariah: 'Nah'? You telling me you haven't learned your lesson?

Dean: Oh, I've learned a lesson, all right. Just not the one you wanted to teach.

Zachariah: Well, I'll just have to teach it again! Because I got you now, boy, and I'm never letting you—

With a flap of wings, Dean is gone.

Zachariah (looking around the empty hotel room): Son of a …

Seriously, if Zachariah isn’t your favourite angel, I do not know what is wrong with you.

We see Castiel and Dean at the side of the road where Castiel was earlier. Dean tells Castiel that it was nice timing. Castiel: “We had an appointment.” Dean puts his hand on Castiel’s shoulder and tells him to never change. He pulls out his phone and Castiel asks what he’s doing.

Dean: Something I should have done in the first place.

Dean’s leaning against the impala which is parked on a dirt track and watches as another car drives up. Sam gets out and they walk towards each other. Sam is wary, even more so when Dean pulls out Ruby’s knife, but he doesn’t back away, even though I think he’s expecting Dean to use it on him, and that just makes me want to cry at how badly damaged their relationship is. Dean turns the knife around and holds it handle first out to Sam and says, “If you're serious and you want back in...you should hang on to this. I'm sure you're rusty.”

Sam tentatively takes the knife, but he can’t look at Dean and he doesn’t say anything.

Dean: Look, man, I'm sorry. I don't know. I'm...whatever I need to be. But I was, uh—wrong.

Sam: What made you change your mind?

Dean: Long story. The point is...maybe we are each other's Achilles heel. Maybe they'll find a way to use us against each other, I don't know. I just know we're all we've got. More than that. We keep each other human.

Sam: Thank you. Really. Thank you. I won't let you down.

Dean: Oh, I know it. I mean, you are the second-best hunter on the planet.

Sam smiles and asks what they do now. Dean says they make their own future.

I wish I could say this is the start of the healing process, but no, we’ve still got episodes like Dark Side of the Moon to get through. And dammit, because Kripke is only giving us what we want, because I love the angst in dark side of the moon. Thankfully next episode we get a break from the myth arc with a MOTW, Fallen Idols

#supernatural #season 5 #rewatch #5.04 #the end #episode recap

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dustydreamsanddirtyscars · 7 years

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04x01 “Lazarus Rising” // 09x05 “Dog Dean Afternoon” 09x08 “Rock and A Hard Place” 09x11 “First Born” // 10x23 “Brother’s Keeper” 11x03 “The Bad Seed” // 12x23 “All Along the Watchtower”

On the Topic of Healing on Supernatural

Loosely belongs to the Series “Of Blood, Bone and Darkness”: A Carver Era Rewatch Hiatus Meta-Series

***prefacing this by saying this meta will probably feature a few very critical/negative thoughts on Dabb and his showrunning***

While working on the next couple of posts for my rewatch meta series linked to above, I kind of realized once more why S9 will probably always be the season closest to my heart and why Carver to me personally will always remain an absolute favourite in terms of showrunning. And it is based in how he structured the narrative stretching from S8 to S10 and the whole MoC arc and how this storyline factored in and built on everything Dean as a person has been through at that point in the show - his struggles, his traumas, his whole life, light and dark spots alike. But not just that I truly adored and still adore how the aspect of “healing” was tackled in those seasons, because it also transfers, transpires and makes a point about to how the series in general deals - or rather not not deals - with the topic of healing, which is a huge and important aspect however and something all characters - even though I will focus on Dean here mostly as the MoC arc was centered around him, his past and his struggles - need deeply, but which to this day and particular for Dean after the mess that was S12 and the showrunning of Dabb seems further off and the least of anyone’s concerns on the writing team than every before. So, that’s why I like to look back to a time when imo SPN was at its peak writing wise.

At the time when S9 aired I have talked about the narrative and the MoC arc often times in terms of “band aid”-metaphors, which to me still seems a very fitting visual, which is why I am bringing it up here again as it also relates nicely to the aspect of healing - or well, not healing. Throughout S9 this topic is tackled and illustrated by two polar oppositional journeys, which are connected to the Winchester brothers (and are also kind of explored in a different but comparable sense through Cas and Crowley growing more human over the course of S9 while Dean veers off into demonhood). One is illustrated by Gadreel possessing Sam in order to heal him “from the inside out” (which serves as a band aid for a deeper underlying problem - the inability of the brothers to let the other one go/co-dependency) and the other is centered around Dean taking on the mark of Cain which poisons him and kind of kills him “from the inside out” (Dean taking on the mark can be also read as a band aid for the underlying issue of his lack of self-worth and as a form of “sentence” for the fallout his decision to save Sam via possession has caused). The aspect of “superficial healing”, which in the end ain’t healing at all, is contrasted to the brothers and is further showcasing “internal healing” opposed to “internal death”. At the time S9 aired I have talked about these things a lot with the summary of “the true big bad is internal”, because in fact S9 did not showcase a true big bad as an external force, but focused on how someone can fall apart if his traumas and issues and fears remain untreated, unheard and uncared for - essentially what happens when much needed time for healing simply is not allowed to happen. This is also imo the reason why S9 was so heavy and so tough in terms of emotions, because it was a very psychological and in that regard very emotion driven arc.

And I love how very intelligent S9 showcased and explored the topic of healing in the MotW episodes as well. I singled out two moments that stood out in particular as they also focus on an internal aspect, consumation/incorporation really (though I won’t go into that in depth as it opens a whole new cans of worms when you bring Freud into it - though his structural model of personality was very directy woven into the MoC arc as I have written about multiple times at the time). In 9x05 “Dog Dean Afternoon” we meet Chef Leo, who is basically dying from cancer but he cheats death by consuming different animal’s organs. When he wounds Sam and Gadreel saves him, Chef Leo want Sam as his next main course for his “healing powers”. Similarly but with a slightly different end game in 9x08 “Rock and A Hard Place” we meet goddess Vesta consuming people’s livers to regain some of her powers. One of her most interesting lines of her surely is the one when she tells Sam he’s basically only barely stitched together and shouldn’t by all means be alive judging from his internal condition. And this is where the Band aid metaphor imo works pretty well again. Because while Gadreel did truly try and heal Sam it was kind of a band aid - like the MoC as a suicide mission for Dean - that was plastered on a bleeding wound, a wound that would be covered up, but that would never truly heal underneath, but fester. Meaning, while physically the brothers throughout the series got mended time and again, mentally is a whole other beast and that beast, showed its claws best in S9, because in that season it was all about how the way one feels and sees himself determines your choices and those can lead you down dark roads and right into self destruction.

Now when keeping all this in mind I find it important and interesting to take a look at how SPN treats healing in general, because imo one thing gets pretty clear when truly thinking it about it: the route the show goes can be seen in direct opposition to what the characters would need for true healing. What do I mean with that? Let me explain. Not always f do wounds stand for a bigger underlying issue with SPN, often times they appear in fights, but still often enough and especially when tied to the big emotional and myth arcs they do stand for and serves as symbols for a larger underlying problem. And especially in those cases I find it very telling how the show tends to deal with these instances, because most of the time they don’t and go the easy route by having Cas for example fix the Winchesters as captured above in 12x23 “All Along the Watchtower” for example. We have seen those moments countless times since S4, but what’s important to remember is that this is physical healing, internal healing is something drastically different. Just because it’s out of sight doesn’t mean it’s out of mind. The best example for that is when Dean looks into the mirror in 4x01 “Lazarus Rising” and sees himself without a scratch but vividly remembers being torn apart by hellhounds. Similarly can be said for Sam and his Hell and cage experiences. Though they both are back top side, it doesn’t mean they are “freed” and that is btw also something S9 utlized beautifully visually with all of the prison imagery we see in that season.

In this regard I find it important to point out one moment in which Dean actively refuses to be healed by Cas in 11x03 “The Bad Seed” (talked about this aspect here in that gifset as well at the time). As talked about in the meta linked to there is much more to this action and scene, but what in relation to this meta imo is important to point out is that in this case Dean actively wants the reminder of what happened, wants to hurt, because he thinks he deserved it. Here being healed would have felt like scorn, because he couldn’t possibly forget what he himself did - so it’s basically in a nutshell an incident in which physical healing and emotional healing as narrative concepts overlap and are head on addressed on SPN and that doesn’t happen a whole lot on the show.

So basically what we witness throughout S9 is Dean internally withering away while Gadreel tries to internally heal Sam. But it’s only a stepping stone of course. Being physically alright doesn’t mean you are emotionally stable. Just because you are healed physically, doesn’t mean you’re healed mentally. And that is something I feel sadly has been very far off, but which is increasingly important for the characters and especially Dean after the MoC arc. This is where the title of this meta “Our scars remind us that the past is real” comes into play, because what the important takeaway from this saying to me is that not only do you realize and remember what you’ve been through when you look at your own scars, but they also tell you that “you survived”, that you’re still standing, that you overcame them, that you grew stronger the more those scars fade away.

And this is where I have to mention once again how I will alway remain more than a bit disappointed how the MoC arc was wrapped up and even more so how Dabb did away with it and the progression and process towards healing was comletely discarded by him. Now of course it is useless to be upset about an arc not playing out the way you wanted, believe me I know, but in terms of set up and how this whole arc was structured to me it never made sense for it to be possible to erase the mark from Dean’s arm, because IT WAS JUST SO MUCH FREAKING MORE THAN A MARK. It served as a symbol abd visual stand in for so much more. It brought up the resentment Dean felt for never having hid own life, how he was treated by his father, etc. etc. and while of course the mark was changing Dean and turned him into something he didn’t wanrt to be, at the same time it did shake things loose that needed to be tackled for a long time in order for Dean to heal. So to me it just doesn’t make sense the way the show “resolved” this, because the mark was just an outward physical sign for an underlying issue Dean has struggled with for years. By simply erasing the mark, to me they took away the possibility of Dean healing and that to me would always have come to be connected with Dean getting more in tune with himself and that the more he healed the mark would have faded away. After all the mark and Amara as a force behind it was directly connected to how Dean was denied an own life, just like Amara wasn’t allowed to exist in her brother’s world.

Now, I did still like it a whole lot when Amara was freed and it got clear that the MoC arc wasn’t truly finished. The struggle Dean had fought on the inside was externalized through Amara and he could head on tackle it. Needless to say of course that didn’t all end in the way Carver had planned as he also wasn’t allowed to kill God. So the aspect and what to me the Amara arc all lead up to: Dean re-integrating his externalized “dark parts” in order to become whole and heal didn’t really pan out. Dean didn’t heal and S12 made a great effort in undoing any kind of step Dean went towards healing from S8 onwards - even though healing was what Amara had wanted for Dean. Instead it’s further off than ever before after clusterfuck that Dabb wrote and called a season, because what he did with all of this set up was throw it out the window and worse made it an entire goddamn scene to say that Dean’s own traumas aren’t even worth mentioning (and yes I know and I have made countless posts on this before trying to explain it when people misunderstand by hate with Dabb’s writing: Dean always puts himself last. That is absolutely in character. The show has done that before, but it always made sure to make it clear that only Dean thinks of himself as worthless but everybody else doesn’t. Now with Mary they did the opposite and the entire season finale showed that indeed Dean’s mother doesn’t give a flying fuck about Dean, but only when he talks about Sam - so yeah, the show or rather D(r)ab(b) made plenty clear how important Dean’s healing is for him...). Sorry about all the hate in the end, but wow, it just makes me so sad and angry to look back and see the amazing structring and narrative focus that was part of Carver era and how it was all rendered undone and useless under Dabb. Anyway, in order to end this post with rather some Dean feels than utter frustration, I’m just gonna leave these lyrics here, because yeah, they do describe Dean and the MoC arc pretty well

“I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much My scars remind me that the past is real I tear my heart open just to feel”

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blissfulcastiel · 7 years

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Get Closer to Me

Fandom Writing Challenge | blissfulcastiel Prompt: Sweat Pairings: Destiel Tags: College au, friends to lovers, confessions, angst/fluff, bed sleeping bag-sharing AO3 ; thank you to my beta-bae @adoringjensen ♥

Cold air brushes across Castiel’s cheeks as the door swings open, hinges creaking their usual protests. He breathes out, a small puff of white briefly appearing before him until it disappears within seconds. Stepping out of the Impala, he glances around the small campsite, finding a small fire pit with the stones in disarray. Other than that, there’s nothing. So Sam wasn’t kidding when he mentioned they’d be ‘roughing it’. Their saving grace is that there are bathrooms down the road.

“Brr, it’s gonna be a cold one,” Jess comments as she gets out of the car next and hugs herself with a small shiver.

“No kidding. Sam, we’re going to freeze our asses off,” Dean grumbles beside him as he steps out next, the door slamming closed behind him.

“You’re the one who changed his mind about coming, Dean. And wasn’t I the one who told you that leather jacket wouldn’t be warm enough?” Sam counters, throwing him a look over the hood of the car. Castiel catches something along the lines of ‘whatever’ under Dean’s breath as he moves towards the trunk to unload their bags.

Sam does pose a good question, though. When he asked Castiel if he wanted to join him and Jess to go hiking, he’d asked if Dean was coming too – not that it would’ve swayed his decision one way or another. Even though he’s been friends with Dean since freshmen year of college and didn’t meet Sam until later, a good friendship formed between them. But when Sam told him Dean ‘had no interest in sleeping on the frozen ground next to a pair of gross lovebirds’, disappointment laid thick over Castiel. He couldn’t tell if Dean truly had no interest in hiking or he just didn’t want to spend more time with Castiel. He’s fearful it’s the latter.

Ever since that party last week, things have been off between them. He was hoping this outing would’ve brought them back together and they can officially get past this… awkwardness. That’s why when Castiel went over to their house so they could leave together for their last minute camping trip, he was surprised to see Dean getting behind the wheel to drive. By the look on Sam’s face, he wasn’t the only one taken aback by Dean’s presence. It begs the question: why did Dean change his mind?

Castiel’s happy Dean did – he’s always happy when Dean’s involved – but so far, they’ve barely spoken two sentences to each other. Just an awkward greeting and an offer from Dean to help Castiel put his bag in the trunk. If that’s any indication to how the rest of the trip’s going to go, this is going to be a long two days.

“You know how to pitch a tent, Cas?” Sam asks, bringing him out of his reverie.

“It’s been awhile,” he admits, following them around to the back of the Impala to help unload their supplies.

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you the ropes,” Dean tells him with a grin and a wink as he hauls out one of the tent bags. Castiel snorts at the awful pun. Okay, maybe he was over thinking everything, as per usual. Maybe things with Dean are fine. At least, that’s what he’s desperately trying to convince himself of as he follows Dean to pick out a smooth patch of ground to set up their tent, Sam and Jess settling nearby to do the same.

They work together fine, but there’s really no conversation except for Dean giving Castiel instructions and him asking questions in return when something isn’t going together correctly. Once they have the tent up, Dean leaves him to set up the guy lines as he demonstrated while he goes about making everyone some sandwiches before they hit the trail. Castiel glances over at him occasionally, still feeling unnerved by how he’s supposed to be acting. Working close to Dean wasn’t uncomfortable per se, but… something’s not right. Dean is Castiel’s best friend, and he always knows when there’s a problem. The only difference this time is that he can’t tell if Dean feels this too or if Castiel’s the only one still trying to get past what happened. They still haven’t had that conversation.

Dean glances up, meeting Castiel’s eyes and his mouth twitches as he holds up a hand – along with a slice of cheese – in a half wave. Shit, caught staring. Castiel never used to be embarrassed if Dean caught him staring.

“You okay, Cas?”

He nods quickly, tearing his gaze away while his chilled cheeks fill with warmth. “Uh – yes. Maybe, um, if you have a second, check my work?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Dean slap together a completed sandwich, dusting his hands of crumbs, and walks over. Just the presence of Dean standing behind him feels like a heavy weight slowly crushing Castiel. Even worse – Dean leans down, reaching past Castiel to pluck at one of the thin ropes.

“Nice work, Cas. They’ll hold well if we get any crazy ass winds tonight.”

“Thank you,” Castiel murmurs, still very much aware of how close Dean is to him. Dean seems to finally notice the same and he jerks back to his feet, putting space between them. “Lunch is, um, ready.” Castiel listens as Dean walks over to Sam and Jess’ tent, the couple having decided to disappear inside to ‘set up their sleeping bag’.

Over lunch, Sam outlines which trails they’re going on and which natural wonders they want to see, the biggest one being a frozen waterfall. With the route he and Jess make up, it’s set to keep them out the rest of the day and hopefully not too much longer into dusk. With that as a source of motivation, they’re quick to gather their things and set out on their first trail.

Castiel enjoys the outdoors. He finds nature fascinating and relaxing. It’s his time to clear his mind – or let it wander – and feel the peace surround him. This hike, however, is anything but peaceful.

First, there’s the overwhelming presence of Dean walking next to him. Most of the paths are wide enough that they can walk two by two with Sam and Jess leading the way. It’d be pretty damn obvious if Castiel was avoiding Dean by either walking ahead or lagging way behind. Then there’s the known fact that they walk together wherever they go. He hates it because they’re so close. At times, their arms brush together and it leaves Castiel momentarily stunned, instantly thrown back into a time when the room was hot and packed with too many sweaty bodies while the floor vibrated with the music’s heavy bass beneath their feet. A time that might seem hazy from the several shots he’d taken, but he can still very much recall the way Dean’s hand felt brushing against his arm, bodies pressed together from lack of anywhere else to go. He always snaps himself out of the memory before it can progress too far, and keeps walking as if nothing happened.

Second, Dean’s grumbling the whole way. About the cold. About almost slipping on a random frozen puddle. About how ‘this waterfall better be some epic shit for all this effort’. Sam and Jess are too wrapped up in their conversation to hear him, but the little comments are starting to get under Castiel’s skin. Because it still doesn’t make sense. Why did Dean fucking change his mind?

Then there’s the final straw. The moment that convinces Castiel he’s actually in Hell.

They’ve arrived at their final destination, the frozen waterfall, after hiking for hours. Castiel can see why Sam and Jess were so excited to see it. The sight is truly breathtaking. Winter may have just begun, but the cold has already hit them hard and therefore creating the wonder Castiel’s currently staring up at in awe.

It isn’t a huge waterfall by any means. It’s spread wide as it tips over the cliff’s edge above, making it look bigger than it is, but the stream isn’t too intense. Standing under it in the summer would probably be akin to standing in a shower with excellent water pressure. Now, the water’s frozen mid-air, some sections of the waterfall touching all the way to the ground. Behind the distorted icy wall is an alcove that could possibly be considered a small cave, where Sam and Jess are currently exploring. Castiel’s not really sure where Dean went. Maybe he followed after them.

It’s been a fairly gray day, but there have been occasional breaks in the thin layer of clouds that tease the blue sky behind them. Now, with the sun setting behind the cliff, the colors of sunset reflect off the gray while creating a picturesque backdrop beyond the waterfall. Jess, having a love for photography, has been taking pictures along the way and Castiel could easily ask her to take the photo for him, but he decides to see what he can capture on his own.

Stepping back, he pulls off a single glove to fish his phone from his pocket and open the camera app. He holds it up, but he’s too close to get the full view he wants. Step by step, he backs up as more of the cliff fills the screen. It’s too late that he realizes he should probably be paying attention to where he’s walking, because one moment he’s upright, the next his feet are tripping over a rock. He scrambles to regain his footing, but lurches the wrong way and ends up on the small stream created by the waterfall, the frozen water doing no favors in his attempts to right himself. His feet finally slip out from under him, and with his heart in his throat, he braces for impact, praying his head doesn’t land on anything sharp. His fall is stopped by something, though. A tight grip wraps around his arms, and he’s leaning against something soft. He opens his eyes, having squeezed them shut at some point, and looks up to find green eyes staring down at him.

“You should probably watch where you’re going,” Dean tells him.

Castiel breathes out, body slumping against Dean’s while his mind plays catch up. “Sorry.”

“Are you okay? Can you stand?”

With the help of Dean holding him, he’s able to regain his footing on the ice, but Dean holds on securely while Castiel takes stock of himself. “I think I’m good. Nothing seems to hurt.”

Dean grins at him. “You’re lucky I was here, then.”

Castiel swallows, heart still thudding in his chest, only for different reasons this time. “Um, thank you. I, um, didn’t realize – I thought you were with Sam and Jess.”

Dean shrugs. “Figured they’d want some time alone to be in their nerd heaven. I’m more interested in finding a way to climb this thing and get a vantage point.”

“Any luck?”

“Not without doing some serious climbing or walking around to find a better slope. I don’t know about you, but my fingers and toes are too frozen for all that.”

Castiel chuckles. “I’d have to agree.”

For a moment, they both look at each other and seem to realize that Dean is still holding onto Castiel’s arm. He drops it awkwardly before nodding towards the waterfall. “I, uh, believe you were trying to get your picture?”

Castiel pushes away the emptiness that comes with the loss of Dean’s touch. Those feelings are bad. They’re the reason why the incident happened. They’re the reason a cloud of tension has been hanging over them ever since. He nods before lifting his phone to snap his picture. When he opens it up to check the quality, he’s acutely aware of Dean looking over his shoulder at it.

“Damn, Jess is gonna be jealous someone can take as good a picture as her.”

Castiel snorts, looking up at him. “You’re just saying that.”

“Come on, Cas, I would never…” He trails off suddenly. Something flashes through Dean’s eyes then. Was it doubt? Hurt? Castiel can’t place it before it’s gone, replaced quickly with mischief. “Hey, get a picture of me licking the waterfall.”

Castiel chuckles. “Don’t you need a few shots first to think reckless ideas are good ones?” The words are out of his mouth before he realizes it and the regret is instant. The playfulness of Dean’s face dissipates into guilt and… something else. “Dean, I didn’t mean –“

“It’s fine, Cas. You’re not exactly wrong.”

Before Castiel can try to do some damage control, Sam’s calling to them. “Hey, you guys done looking around? Sun’s going down fast and we should be heading back.”

“Sure thing, Sammy,” Dean replies gruffly as he walks away from Castiel. He waits a few moments before sighing and following suit. He hadn’t meant to say what he said, but is it not true? Alcohol has a long history of clouding people’s judgments, which happen to include kissing your best friend. Castiel swallows thickly, quickly shoving the memory away before it can fill his mind with images and feelings he shouldn’t be thinking about.

The walk back to camp drones on too long. Dean’s walking ahead of the group while Castiel brings up the rear. He can feel Sam and Jess’ curious gazes glance back at him, but he ignores them. By the time they make it back to camp, it’s pitch black with the exception of their flashlights lighting up the darkness. Sam gets to work building the fire while Dean loads their cooler from the trunk of the Impala. Jess and Castiel set up their chairs around the fire pit and give order to the stones meant to contain the fire. Once Sam gives life to the flames, they all take a moment to thaw their frozen bodies and visit the bathroom before roasting some hot dogs, a classic camping meal according to Dean.

They talk as a group, Sam and Jess taking up most of the conversation as they pass around her camera to view her pictures. Dean and Castiel never speak directly to each other. In fact, Dean won’t even look at him. Not that Castiel is looking much at Dean either. He sneaks quick peeks here and there, but he’s too terrified of what he might see if their eyes meet. His stomach churns and he’s worried he may just be sick. This was never supposed to happen.

So many times, Castiel’s thought about what it would be like to kiss Dean. All sorts of scenarios, all sorts of events. Just about every one of them was more favorable than the drunken make-out session they had. Of course it felt incredible. Castiel still recalls the way Dean’s lips felt against his, how wonderfully soft and smooth they were. The way Dean’s hands gradually slipped around his waist, pulling them even more impossibly close than they already were. His tongue – oh god, his tongue. Like silk, sweetened from the fruity tequila cocktail he’d stolen from Charlie. Castiel swore he could stand there all night, relishing in the way Dean felt and tasted. The kiss – quickly turned plural – was sloppy, but oh, did it make Castiel’s head spin. For a moment, he was convinced he was getting drunker off Dean than the actual alcohol.

At the time, Castiel didn’t care that he’d regret not tearing himself away sooner. In that moment, it was perfect to him. Hindsight is 20/20, though. Now he can see how he lost his chance. His one and only kiss with Dean, and it was wasted at some random party with alcohol being the only reason it happened. Castiel can’t remember how it got initiated, but he’s fairly certain it was all on him. Years of pining mixed with tequila means very little restraint on Castiel’s end.

But aside from the kiss, their friendship. What if they won’t ever be able to get past this? Castiel’s been trying to put it out of his mind, but how can he ever act like he isn’t painfully in love with his best friend after getting a taste of what it’d be like if things were different? Keeping Dean as a friend is more important than some stupid kiss, but how long will he be able to keep up this façade that he’s fine?

“Cas?” He looks up to see Jess looking down at him, eyebrows furrowed. “You okay?”

He blinks a couple times before giving her a smile. “Sorry, I just - Are you and Sam turning in?”

She grins at him. “It’s okay. I know we did a lot of walking today and it’s cold as hell. But yeah, we are. Maybe you should be getting some sleep too?”

Castiel nods, getting to his feet. “Good idea.” He says his goodnights to Sam and Jess before they disappear inside their tent. When they’re gone, he glances to Dean, who’s staring into the fire. “Are you, um…”

Dean doesn’t meet his gaze. “In a few.”

“Okay,” Castiel sighs softly. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Night, Cas.” The soft way Dean says the words only serve to make Castiel melt and ache all at once. Without sparing another moment, he slips into their tent and zips it up behind him. He quickly sheds all his layers to change into something more comfortable to sleep in – a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt with a hoodie thrown over. Within minutes, he’s tucked into his sleeping bag, watching the shadows created by the flames slowly fade as the fire dies out. It’s then he hears Dean stomp out the remaining embers and starts unzipping the tent. Castiel closes his eyes and is eternally grateful for the dark to hide his horrible attempts at acting. Once Dean is done changing into his own version of pajamas – it’s too hard to see through the dark what he’s wearing – Castiel hears him slip into his sleeping bag.

Then it’s just quiet.

Castiel honestly tries to go to sleep. He really does. But his mind won’t shut off. It won’t stop thinking about Dean and the kiss and everything that’s happened since. It won’t stop thinking about what the future holds for them, whether Castiel should come clean about his feelings or hope the eggshells will eventually clear and he and Dean can be the friends they were before that damn party.

Out in the middle of nowhere, essentially, with the darkness too thick to see much of anything, time is not a concept to Castiel. He has no idea how much of it has passed. An hour? Two hours? Thirty minutes? He could probably sneak a look at his phone, but he doesn’t want to give away that he’s been up this whole time.

He keeps trying to make his eyes shut. Eventually the exhaustion from the hiking and shivering from the cold will wear him out and he’ll have no choice but to pass out. But why won’t it just happen? Probably another twenty minutes passes, if Castiel’s being realistic, and the wind starts to pick up. The tent is doing pretty well at taking the brunt of it, but he can still feel the icy breeze sneak in through the zipper of the entrance and ‘windows’, despite them all being zipped closed. If he wasn’t shivering before, he definitely is now.

There are times when Castiel wishes for endless nights. This is not one of those nights.

Barely withholding a frustrated sigh, he crawls out from his sleeping bag and reaches for his duffle. He packed an extra pair of fuzzy socks to use at night should it get unbearably cold. He feels around for the soft bundle, but comes up with nothing.

“Please, please, please,” he prays softly, this time dragging out all his stuff in hopes the socks will appear. They don’t. And then he remembers. The socks are sitting in his laundry basket, waiting patiently to be packed. “Fuck,” he sighs, sitting back dejectedly. He must’ve forgotten them while he was too busy wallowing over Dean not coming on the trip. Which, as it turned out, was completely pointless.

“Cas?”

He freezes at the sound of Dean’s voice. It takes him a couple seconds to remember to answer. Obviously Dean knows he’s awake now.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Some shifting. “Nah, you didn’t – it’s alright. Is, uh, everything okay?”

Castiel sighs. “Yes. It’s just that I didn’t exactly come as prepared as I intended.”

Dean chuckles, a quiet sound. “Leave it to Sam to want to go camping while it feels like Elsa iced us all over.”

“At least it’s not snowing.”

“Thank god for that. Please promise me you’ll never take me camping in the winter again.”

A smile pulls at Castiel’s lips. He wants to ask why Dean even came in the first place, but the comment gives him some hope. Any talk about the future together is a good sign.

“You have my word. Although, I doubt Sam and Jess will want to have a repeat of this night. I bet they’re just as cold as us.”

Dean snorts. “No way. Those two are definitely sharing a sleeping bag. They’re probably alright.”

“Ah yes, I forgot about the benefits of sharing body heat.”

“If we’re smart, we should do that too.” At first, Castiel doesn’t think he hears him correctly, but then Dean clears his throat. “I mean, um, if you’re really that cold. Survival 101, ya know? I, um, have a double, so there’s room over here.”

“You’d be… okay with that?” Castiel asks slowly.

“Come on, Cas. We’ve kissed before, haven’t we?” He can tell Dean means to say it as a joke, but it comes out almost timid, as if worried Castiel might storm out of the tent at the reminder. If he knows what’s good for him, Castiel would politely decline the offer. There’s no way he’d be able to sleep next to Dean and not slowly die the rest of the night. But right now, Castiel’s freezing and he misses being close to Dean. He hates this space created between them. If this is Dean’s attempt at getting past the tension, then there’s no way Castiel’s going to leave him vulnerable.

“Alright.”

He feels his way over Dean, and it takes some shuffling before they get settled in the sleeping bag. There’s enough room for them to turn over, but close enough that Castiel can feel Dean’s breath tickle his face. They lay in silence, but it’s oddly not awkward. There’s just a sense of ease being this close to Dean. They’re able to do this. Coexist in silence and not feel the need to fill it. Until a question blurts out of Castiel’s mouth before he can stop it.

“Why did you change your mind?”

Dean doesn’t answer. Not right away, at least.

“I still think about that kiss.” It’s barely a whisper. “I… Fuck, I know I shouldn’t be saying this right now but - I think about that kiss too fucking much.”

Wait… What?

“And I know we were drunk. I know it meant nothing, but dammit Cas, I – I can’t forget it.”

“Dean,” Castiel interrupts, his head spinning. He can’t be really saying what Castiel thinks he’s saying. But there’s one thing that Castiel wants to make perfectly clearly. “It wasn’t meaningless to me.”

“It… It wasn’t?”

Castiel huffs a soft, humorless laugh. Well, if they’re going down this road, might as well see what’s at the end. “Not in the slightest. You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to…”

A pause. “Do you really mean that, Cas?”

Castiel nips at his lip. He’s thankful for the darkness because a blush is burning hot on his face, but damn if he isn’t dying to see exactly what’s showing in Dean’s eyes right now. “Of course. I – I’m sorry it had to come out this way but… how could I not develop feelings for you, Dean? You… you mean too much.”

As if set off on a trigger, the warmth on Castiel’s side disappears and suddenly there’s a weight settled on top of his body while lips dip down to meet his. Castiel’s breath hitches in his throat and it takes a moment for his brain to figure out what the hell is happening. When it finally does a heartbeat later, Castiel’s frozen fingers tangle themselves in the fabric of what feels like one of Dean’s Henley’s and he returns the kiss. It doesn’t last more than a couple seconds before Dean pulls back enough to whisper clearly against his lips.

“So long, Cas.” Another soft kiss. “So long I’ve wanted to tell you. I should’ve, but – dammit, I had no idea how. You’re my best friend and I didn’t…“

Castiel grins in the dark, kissing the corner of Dean’s mouth. “I think we both shared the same thoughts.”

Dean chuckles quietly. “You know, I never thought it’d come out like that. Drunk at one of those stupid frat parties. I… I always kinda pictured us going on a date or something…”

“Dean Winchester, old fashioned? I would’ve never guessed,” Castiel teases, earning him a gentle shove against his shoulder.

“Shut up. I wanted to be classy for you, okay?”

In reality, Castiel knows perfectly well how thoughtful Dean is to his love interests. He may put on a tough front, but he’s never been anything less than a gentleman in his past relationships. That was always hard to watch for Castiel, wishing it could be him. He reaches up to feel along Dean’s jaw, which causes him to shudder. They can’t see each other, but he’s hoping the touch will make for a good substitute of seeing each other’s eyes. “I like you as you are, Dean. You don’t need to be anything but that for me to be happy.”

Dean ducks his head, forehead resting against Castiel’s shoulder. “Jesus, you – you can’t say stuff like that, Cas.”

Castiel smiles. “Say for the sake of curiosity, we haven’t had our first kiss…”

Dean lifts his head. “Well, since you asked.” There’s no doubt a smirk is painted on Dean’s lips and a glint is in those eyes right now. Butterflies take flight in Castiel’s stomach as Dean’s lips brush against his, a soft peck that’s quickly followed by a firmer press. It’s innocent and tender, completely different from their first drunken kiss. This must be what it feels like for angels to soar through the clouds. So breathtaking and light, the feeling of invincibility and awe spreading throughout his body. Castiel’s hands trail down Dean’s side before spreading out over his back, feeling along the strong muscles underneath the Henley. Dean, still holding himself up with one arm, uses the other to cup Castiel’s face, his chill fingers searing against the warmth that seems permanent under his skin now.

After a few moments of gentle kisses, there’s the lightest brush of Dean’s tongue against Castiel’s bottom lip, and he parts his mouth experimentally. A soft sigh escapes him after the first caress, and he eagerly seeks out more. Honestly, it’s silly for Castiel to feel like he’s never kissed anyone before, but kissing Dean completely sober like this, without the taste of alcohol, it’s making his head spin more than the first time, which also was ten times more explicit.

It doesn’t take much for the kisses to lose their shyness, transforming into complete and utter want. Dean works his tongue deeper into Castiel’s mouth, and Castiel pushes back in an attempt to get more. Their breathing ratchets up with the heat, hands moving more eagerly over skin and clothes, touching all they can. A low fire starts to burn in Castiel’s stomach, and it’s materializing in the way his cock gradually hardens. Feeling Dean’s cock do the same, pressed against his thigh, isn’t doing him any favors either. Imagine how powerless he is when Dean adjusts himself so that when he thrusts ever so gently, it brushes right over Castiel’s erection.

“Dean,” he moans against his lips. Dean chuckles in response. Castiel isn’t too far gone to get his revenge, though. Gripping Dean’s hips, Castiel moves his hips and gives an answering thrust.

“Fuck,” Dean breathes, fingers tangling into Castiel’s hair. They continue to go back and forth, their kisses becoming sloppier and more desperate as they rut against each other. Jesus, they’re like the horny teenagers in those eighties movies Dean had them watch during their movie nights. He should probably be embarrassed at how fast he’s approaching the edge, his boxers absorbing the pre-come as he aches for more while having no control over the desperate sounds that are escaping him. He can’t find it in himself to care. Dean seems to be the same above him anyway.

“Shit, Cas, I’m gonna –“ And just like that, Dean rips himself from Castiel’s arms, rolling onto his back beside him. Castiel whines pathetically at the loss, but his mind won’t give words to his protests. “Christ, Cas, we can’t – we shouldn’t do this here.”

Castiel’s trying hard to catch his breath, feeling dizzy from being so close to coming and then suddenly lacking any stimulation. But Dean’s right. If they come now, they’d either have to sit with the mess in their boxers all night or be assaulted by the cold to change into new ones. Neither option sounds particularly pleasant. “You’re right,” he admits reluctantly.

For several moments, they lay in silence with the exception of their labored breathing, not feeling chilled at all. Far from it. In fact, he wants to shed his hoodie because his blood feels like it’s boiling under his skin, causing it to become damp with sweat. That’s one way to warm up, he supposes. When it feels he’s come down from being so high, he rolls over to nuzzle himself to Dean, almost worried he might wake up any second now and realize this is all a dream. He’s reassured by Dean’s arms wrapping around him, and a soft kiss is placed just above his eyebrow. If only he was able to look at Dean right now. Read whatever could be in those green eyes.

“I’m glad you changed your mind. About coming with, I mean,” Castiel finds himself saying.

“Me too, Cas.” A soft kiss. “Me too.”

Sleep takes Castiel then, and when he wakes up the next morning to find himself still tangled with Dean, whose hair is a mess from last night, he smiles. His heart skips a beat when Dean blearily blinks open his eyes, slowly adjusting to the bright sunlight streaming through the walls of the tent. All sorts of shades of green and hints of gold dance in them as they come to life and seem to remember the events that led them in the same sleeping bag.

“Good morning, Dean,” Castiel murmurs.

Dean smiles lazily at him, adoration prominent as he gazes back at him. “Morning, sunshine.”

It’s then that Castiel swears he’s fallen in love.

#fandomwritingchallenge #destielfanficnet #destiel fic #destiel #adoringjensen #envydean #angvlicmish #galaxystiel #destielonfire #megan writes #my stuff #someone sue me for saying beta-bae wth

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caranfindel · 5 years

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Recap/review 14.13: “Lebanon”

THEN: They hit me right in the face with gorgeous young 1.01 Dean saying "Dad's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days" and beautiful baby 1.01 Sam saying "we've got work to do" and we end with 14.12 and Sam furiously punching his brother and then furiously hugging him and Dean saying "let's go home" and does anything else matter? No.

NOW: We see the reflection of Sam and Dean walking up to a pawn shop, with a nice selection of guitars and sunglasses and that weird monkey that was in Rocky's Bar. The proprietor seems friendly enough. Dean flashes him a wad of hundred dollar bills because they're looking for "the really good stuff." This gains them admittance into a secret back room full of things hunters would be interested in, including a hockey mask (?) and a perfume atomizer full of dragon's breath. They tell the guy they're looking for the skull of a specific woman who was executed during the Salem witch trials, and the fact that he has it basically proves that he killed the friend of theirs who previously owned it. (Also Sam picks up a teddy bear and starts to pull the string to make it speak and the guys warns him not to and this is Dean's role, isn't it, messing with things he shouldn't be messing with? But I don't care because chastized Sam and eye-rolly Dean are precious to me.)

Sam goes through a ledger of the guy's inventory and says he's got a lot of occult objects that they should take with them. (Dean plays with the dragon's breath. Sam ducks and flinches and does the really, Dean? thing with his hands and face. I laugh again.) Dean agrees they should take the stuff home.

Title card!

The Impala zooms past a sign welcoming us to Lebanon, Geographical Center of the USA. Then we find ourselves in front of a movie theater showing Beetlejuice and Hell Hazers (All Saints' Day is coming soon, and I imagine Route 666 can't be far behind), where a group of teenagers is talking about... somebody. "People say they're brothers," a kid in a knit cap says, "but all I know is, I was standing right here, and I heard this bam from the trunk of their car. And then, this like, shallow breathing." I'm pretty sure this is a fake-out, and it will turn out he's talking about someone else, but the Impala pulls up in front of the theater and Knit Cap Kid says "that's them!"

As the Winchesters get out of the car and enter a liquor store (decorated with that Family Business neon sign from Rocky's), Sam is still reading the ledger, which lists things like a hangman's rope, fairy dust, and John Wayne Gacy's cigar box. Well, that's oddly specific! The guy working there greets the "Campbell brothers" and knows their usual order. Oh, wow. I love that they're actually known in Lebanon, and that they're going by Campbell. And we know that actual Lebanon, Kansas is too small to have a movie theater or this much business downtown, but I'm happy to handwave that.

What do you mean, "happy to handwave that?" You're always complaining about the inaccuracies regarding tiny Lebanon having traffic cams and whatnot.

Well, maybe this episode just MAKES ME HAPPY, okay?

Anyway. Sam thinks cataloguing the confiscated items would be a good way to take Dean's mind off "things," but Dean's pretty convinced nothing will ever take his mind off that.

Outside, the teens are asking where the guys even come from, and what about their weird trenchcoat-wearing sidekick, and "that kid with the dumb Bambi look on his face all the time" (!) One girl says that, whatever the deal is with these guys, they do have an awesome car, and no one can argue with that. And the other girl, Max, who seems to smitten with the first girl, gets an idea.

Inside, Sam has discovered something significant in the ledger - the "beyzoo" (no, I know that's not how you spell it), which is one of eight ancient Chinese treasures. A pearl that gives you "what your heart desires." Oooh, getting rid of Michael, maybe? But as the guys are discussing this, Dean sees the Impala drive by the window. Guess Max figured out how to impress that other girl! (BTW, there are couple of COOL old trucks on the street.)

The guys see Knit Cap Kid standing on the sidewalk looking confused, and while Sam tells him the car is dangerous to whoever stole it, Dean looks like he wants to murder someone. And yet the Winchesters are confused when the kid says he doesn't want to die. (Or get locked in the trunk!) He says Max is new and he doesn't know where she lives. Dean raises a fist, but Sam pulls him away.

MURDER. I'D MURDER THEM.

Post office. There's a poster of stamps featuring old cars behind the customer service counter. I'm really getting my old truck fix tonight. Sam comes in with his sweet anxious smile and asks for help finding the girl who washed his car, since he forgot to tip her. Post Office Lady is not amused or helpful, or the least bit swayed by his sweet anxious smile. Then Dean comes in and calls her by name and asks about her grandson and she MELTS and he gets sincere and puts his hand on hers and she does exactly what I would do, which is offer up ANYTHING YOU WANT, ANYTHING AT ALL, WOULD YOU LIKE MY SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER WHILE I'M AT IT? Unfortunately, all she knows is where Max's mother works.

SAM’S FACE.

(Sidebar: Have I mentioned that Sam is wearing that nice blue jacket from the episode where he killed the alpha vampire? I like it. Toss that stupid orange jacket, Sam, and wear this more often. And Dean's wearing the black jacket that I always love.)

At the restaurant where Max's mom works, we learn that she has no idea where her daughter is, because she was supposed to be in school. But the guy working in the kitchen knows February 7 is Skip Day (is it always February 7? what about when that falls on a weekend?) and that she'll probably be at a party at this old house on Route 36. (Yes, I did confirm that Route 36 is just outside of Lebanon. Yes, I did use Mapquest. I'm old school up in here, y'all.)

Party house. The little batch of delinquents has taken all the boxes of occult objects out of the Impala for some reason. Including the evil teddy bear. Luckily, someone announces "pizza's here" before a girl pulls the teddy bear's string. At some point I've got to find out what would happen if you pulled it. Fic it for me, friends! (Also, I just noticed the teddy bear's mouth is SEWN SHUT and that's not creepy AT ALL.) The camera slowly pans to a wooden box, and we watch the lid open to reveal a smoky/dusty ghost hand. With a ruffled sleeve. Uh oh.

Knit Cap Kid runs in to warn the partiers that "those guys" are looking for Max, and he's told to chill. Another teen goes into the bathroom, where the mirror frosts over and then the CREEPIEST CLOWN EVER comes out of it. Seriously, creepier than the clown in Plush, which you wouldn't think was possible.

The Winchesters pull up in yet another antique truck, where Dean greets his car with "Baby, Baby, please tell me you're not hurt." Sam's more concerned about the boxes of dangerous occult objects missing from the back seat. Ghost Kid comes running outside and the girl following him tells the brothers that he saw a clown ghost that tried to kill him. Maybe it's my imagination, or maybe Sam has a flash of crap, a killer clown ghost expression before they run into the house.

Dean announces they're FBI and everyone needs to get out, now. Once the room is cleared, he asks if "anything screams clown to you?" Sam immediately notices John Wayne Gacy's cigar box and guys, I'm ashamed to say I didn't put the two together until now. The killer clown ghost is John Wayne Gacy. And Sam is freaked the fuck out about it. "We should burn that right now," Dean says, in a lovely holding-in-the-freakout way, and Sam rushes to throw it into the fireplace. Then Dean says "I mean, this is like a best worst thing that's ever happened, because you love serial killers, but you hate clowns" and I'm DEAD. (I'm also loving TWO gifts from the Continuity Fairy in once sentence.) The lights start flashing before Sam can get his lighter lit, and then the killer clown ghost shows up and tosses Dean around. Knit Cap Kid and the girls run back inside just in time to watch John Wayne Gacy's ghost go up in flames. So the kids get the "monsters are real" speech and are told to keep it secret.

Back at the bunker, Sam's going through the occult goodies and thinks he found the magic pearl. Dean's ready to use it right now, and dismisses Sam's suggestion that they call Mary or Cas. If it doesn't work, he doesn't want to have gotten their hopes up. Sam looks distressed at the idea it won't work, but agrees. The pearl doesn't come with any instructions, so Sam suggests Dean hold it and concentrate on what his heart desires. "Michael out of my head," Dean says, and I'd have been more specific. I'd have concentrated on Michael out of my head and destroyed, and me perfectly fine, but, well, what do I know?

(Also, I KNOW all you Wincest and Destiel fans are gonna have your own ideas about what - or who - appears in front of Dean when he’s granted what his heart desires. This setup is better than sex pollen. Have fun, my kinky little friends.)

Dean clutches the pearl and concentrates, and the lights flash and then go out, and in the red emergency light we see someone in the bunker. Someone fighty, who knocks both brothers down and then pulls out a shotgun and says "don't you move," but it's a familiar voice and then the lights come on and what do you know? Winchester Surprise!

So, was anybody truly surprised? I covered the guest stars on first viewing, as I always try to do, but I noticed on rewatch that they didn't even credit JDM at the beginning of the episode. Which they sometimes do, to avoid spoilers. And yet. Has there been a single episode of this series that was more spoiled? I don't think so.

(Sidebar: What do you think would have happened if Sam had taken the pearl and made a wish? I think Michael would be gone. Because I don't think there's anything Sam wants more than saving his brother.)

Back to our story. Everyone is shocked. John thinks Sam should be in Palo Alto, apparently in his 14th year of post graduate work. He thinks he's still in 2003, and he doesn't notice his boys are older. And they apparently don't notice that his hair is very short and a lot greyer than it was when we last saw him. (I mean, really, they slapped a wig on Samantha Smith to make her look like The Last Version Of Mary, so why couldn't they do the same thing with JDM? It's distracting.) Sam figures they must have accidentally summoned John from the past. So they do what one does in this situation - sit down and drink.

John's astonished. Dean's proud. Sam's visibly anxious. We don't get to see exactly how much of the backstory they tell him, but they do tell him about the apocalypse and Lucifer and living with "an angel and Lucifer's kid." And now John thinks he died "taking out Yellow Eyes," which... not really? But okay. And they don't tell him Mary's back, until he mentions her and Sam's, all, yeah, about Mom, and then she comes in and John hears her voice and tears up and dammit. This reunion is everything I didn't think I ever wanted. I mean, I've made no secret of the fact that I'm not a fan of John Winchester. He's a fascinating character and JDM does a great job with him, but he's such an awful father (don't bother arguing with me, you will not change my mind) that I can't really like him. And I'm not too impressed with resurrected Mary, either. But when these two come together... damn. It's good. It's very good. Well done, you two.

I love that the boys give them some privacy, because it's been over a decade since John saw them, but it's been even longer since he saw his dead wife, and this should really be a John and Mary reunion.

Out in the hall, Dean's gleeful and Sam's all, how the hell did this happen? Dean explains that he's wanted this since he was four years old (oh, my heart) but Sam warns that messing with time will not end well. I don't actually remember Sam being that concerned about the unintended consequences of time travel, but I'm sure there's a good reason he's bringing it up now. Dean doesn't care. Dean just wants one family dinner together (oh, my heart again, remembering his one last dinner with Mary).

Sam, sans Dean, runs into John in the library, because Mary's off making a shopping list and he decided he'd rather examine the bunker than be involved in that I guess? Okay. But then this happens.

I screwed up with you a lot, didn't I?

No, that's okay.

No, it's not. Sammy, tell me the truth.

I don't want to talk about that.

You didn't have a problem talking about it before you left.

Dad. For me, that fight, that was a lifetime ago. I don't even remember what I said. I mean, yeah, you know, you did some messed-up things. But I don't... I mean, when I think about you... and I think about you a lot... I don't think about our fights. I think about you... I think about you on the floor of that hospital, and I think about how I never got to say goodbye.

Sam. Son. I am so sorry.

I'm sorry too. But you did your best, Dad. You fought for us, and you loved us. And that's enough.

OH MY GOD. This is everything I ever wanted.

1. John admitting he was a crap parent to Sam.

2. Sam trying to sidestep that - because he's Sam Winchester and that's what he does - and John not letting him.

3. Sam finally calling him out instead of just saying nah, it's fine.

4. John calling him Sammy.

5. Sam pointing out that he didn't get a goodbye from John. (Did he ever find out that Dean got praise and an apology?)

6. John apologizing.

7. Sam forgiving him.

8. "And I think about you a lot."

9. The way Sam keeps having to stop talking and look away and make that little "hmmm" noise.

10. And the tears.

10b. The way Sam tears up even before The Talk, when he remembers them as kids trying to make Winchester Surprise.

11. The shaky voice.

12. And Sam's shirt.

13. And the way Sam's expression looks so much like his expression in Sacrifice, when he tells Dean that his confession was about how he let his brother down.

This, right here, is two minutes and 24 seconds of the best television I've ever seen. I don't care what else this episode does, this 2:24 is worth it. And yes, this is three weeks in a row that Jared Padalecki has ripped my heart out of my chest and STOMPED ON IT.

And I love it.

Meanwhile, Dean gets the shopping list from Mary. Sam finds him and tells him he's right, because Sam also just got everything he ever wanted, and then offers to go shopping with him. (Saaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmm!!!!!!!)

When they get to town, the guys split up - Sam to the grocery store, Dean to the liquor store. Dean's surprised to see the liquor store guy, the one who remembered his "usual" earlier in the day, has no idea who he is. If Dean had ever seen "It's a Wonderful Life," he might say this is just like when George Bailey goes into Martini's Bar and isn't recognized. But apparently Dean Winchester, pop culture aficionado, has never seen that movie (no, I haven't gotten over that, and I never will) so he doesn't recognize a classic uh oh, we changed the course of history moment when he experiences it.

Meanwhile, Sam steps out of the grocery store and finds that neither Max nor the postal clerk recognize him. And then he sees a wanted poster in the post office window. Dean Winchester, wanted for assault, murder, and credit card fraud. Whoops! He trots to the car, where Dean is waiting, and tells him they have a problem. "Yeah, we do," says Dean. "Check this out."

He shows Sam his phone and it's a video of SAM IN GLASSES AND A BLACK TURTLENECK AND SLICKED BACK HAIR GIVING A TED TALK. HE RUNS A LAW FIRM AND LOVES KALE. IT IS THE SECOND MOST AMAZING THING I'VE SEEN TONIGHT.

HE'S STEVE JOBS.

So, those of you who were spoiled... did you know about this? Or did they actually keep THIS AMAZING THING under wraps?

Sam Jobs tells his audience that being your best leaves no time for hobbies or a family, and Sam has seen enough. He tells Dean about the wanted poster, and Dean says yes, of course he googled himself too ("a lot of beheadings," hee!!!) and wonders if there are alternate versions of them running around. Sam thinks it's a "temporal paradox," and time is self-correcting, changing to the new one. If they don't fix things, they'll become those alternate versions of themselves. "Well, I'm cool," Dean says, "but you're, ugh." Sam's less worried about them, and more worried about what else might have changed.

(Sidebar: You know, I could quibble about why bringing John forward in time has such a significant butterfly effect, but bringing Mary back, and their other time travel, and Henry's time travel, changed nothing. I absolutely could. But I choose not to, because SAM JOBS, Y'ALL. But okay, let's think about it. 2003 John would have disappeared while Sam was at Stanford. Dean wouldn't have gone to get Sam. Or Sam would have refused to go. Maybe the hurt on both sides was still too fresh. Maybe that's why Dean's hunting alone, and Sam's an internet-famous lawyer.)

What else has changed, you might ask? How about ZACHARIAH? That's right, my favorite angel is back. And with him is ORIGINAL FLAVOR CAS WITH HIS FLUFFY HAIR AND THINGS JUST KEEP GETTING BETTER AND BETTER. Zachariah calls him "Constantine" and Castiel says "I don't understand that reference" and THANK YOU BABY JESUS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID TO DESERVE THIS, BUT THANK YOU. They enter Max's mom's restaurant and ask who's been messing with time. (Because she would know?) And if they don't start talking, he'll have Cas murder all of them. "My name is Castiel," he intones solemnly. "I'm an angel of the Lord." YES YOU ARE. He reveals himself like he did to Dean (no, not like that, jeez) with the shadow wings. Outside, the Winchesters see the bright light of an angelic reveal coming through the restaurant windows, and they know something's up.

They herd everyone out of the restaurant, and are shocked to see Cas and Zachariah. Zachariah is equally surprised to see them. He says they had big plans for the Winchesters, but then their father disappeared and... and he doesn't finish, so we'll never know why yoinking John out of 2003 changed any of that vessel stuff. (Handwave!) Cas, of course, doesn't know them, and when Zachariah orders him to kill them, he complies.

Dean pulls out an angel blade but is, of course, unwilling to actually kill Cas, so he starts hitting him with other things. And Cas, for whatever reason, doesn't just put a finger on his forehead and kill him dead. (Handwave!) Zachariah chokes Sam and asks him what they did, even though he can't talk because he's choking (handwave!) and Sam acts like he's trying to speak so Zachariah gets closer to hear him, and Sam stabs him with an angel blade. Cas continues fistfighting with both of them, and slams Sam head-first into a table a couple of times, leaving him spitting blood on the floor. Which Sam uses to paint an angel-banishing sigil while Cas is choking Dean. Smart Sam for the win!

Bunker. Pretty bruised Dean has explained the temporal paradox, and John accepts that he has to go back, or else Mary will probably disappear. "Okay," he says. "I mean, me versus your mom, that's not even a choice." DAMMIT JOHN WINCHESTER DO NOT MAKE ME CARE ABOUT YOU. Elsewhere, pretty bruised Sam explains it to Mary, and tells her John won't remember anything.

John tells Dean he never meant Dean to have this kind of life. He's proud of him, but he hoped he'd be able to have a normal life, with a family. "I have a family," Dean says. They sit down and have one final family meal together, and everyone's quiet and sad until John points out that they can either think about what's going to happen, or appreciate what they have right now. They cheer up and listen to Bob Seger (well, we listen to Bob Seger) and talk and laugh and have the family dinner Dean has always wanted.

Later, while doing the dishes, Sam says how unfair it is that they all had this and then have to throw it away, and John has to go back to being Dad. He thinks it would be nice for John to go back knowing what he knows now. "I used to think that too," Dean says, and admits that he's blamed both John and Mary for their crappy lives. And if they could send him back to 2003, or even earlier, maybe none of the crap would happen. "But here's the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Maybe. But I gotta be honest, I don't know who that Dean Winchester is. And I'm good with who I am. I'm good with who you are."

Later. Mary and John are holding hands, and I guess they're doing the thing now. I'd hoped they'd at least let these two have one last roll in the hay (especially since I'm pretty sure Mobby is permanently done after this), but no. They have a very sweet goodbye and their sons are brokenhearted and I am too. John tells his boys to take care of each other and Sam says "we always do." That's a nice change from telling Dean to take care of Sam, isn't it? He tells them both (BOTH) that he's proud of them and loves them, and they have a three-way hug and Sam wipes his eyes and Dean says "love you too" and I REALLY CAN'T, BOYS, YOU HAVE TO STOP. Then John takes Mary's hand again and Sam crushes the pearl (why does Sam have to be the one to do it?) and John glows and then fades away.

We get a quick glimpse of downtown Lebanon returning to normal, and the three teens talking about how cool it is that "those guys hunt monsters," and then we're back to the bunker. Cas walks in the door and sees the remaining Winchesters, obviously distressed, and asks what happened. "Well, there's a story," says Dean.

And finally, we see the Impala WITH HER ORIGINAL KANSAS PLATE. John's asleep in the driver's seat when he gets a phone call from Dean. "No, I'm okay, I just had one hell of a dream. No, it was a good one."

GUYS. GUYS.

When I heard there was going to be a musical episode for the 200th, I was sure it would suck. When I heard about the Scooby Doo crossover, I cringed, because I knew it would be awful. WHY AM I ALWAYS SO WRONG.

Eh, who cares why. Let's just appreciate what we were given. Happy 300, my friends. Here's to 300 more.

(Please help me stay unspoiled for future episodes, thanks!)

#spn #recap #tv recaps #14.13 #things that make my heart hurt #sam winchester #dean winchester #john winchester #mary winchester

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years

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I was wondering if you were thinking that Mick's conversation with Wally was meant to evoke Dean and Cas' conversation in 4x22 at all? There are, of course key differences, but it seems there's an underlying theme of not taking the easy way out if it results in a lack of freedom. (Also, visually having just re-watched the scene with Mick and Wally, I noticed that Wally didn't eat the burger that Mick bought him, which feels sort of like a callback to 4x22 too.)

Well I hadn’t been thinking it until now but now I am and that’s a great parallel :P (I was comparing it to Metatron in 9x18, giving Cas the pitch - since Mick was framing the story with a typewriter and talking directly into the camera it was definitely borrowing from this episode and I guess establishing Mick as the author avatar in the way Metatron represented Carver - I had said I’d been wondering when Dabb would personify himself especially in relation to writing… which I guess is a meta I should save for another post :P)

Anyway! For this parallel it’s definitely got the thematic stances paralleled, of a hunter sticking up for freedom and a drone of a sketchy organisation on the other side. Cas is convinced by Dean and officially and finally switches sides forever (and we also saw it coming from a mile off, ever since he said he had doubts back in 4x07)… But on this side of things, it’s completely flipped over.

Mick has been discussed as a dark Cas mirror before… I guess this would be swapping it around that while Dean gave Cas the speech in 4x22, this is more characteristic of Zach’s chats with Dean instead… Though when it’s a dark Cas mirror it can still be about him, just, like, this is the absolute antithesis of who Cas is these days and that’s what we should be looking at?

There’s been a LOT of emphasis on paralleling who is a good soldier and stuff… Mick would probably like to think he isn’t one of the drones doing field work, but since all the BMoL so far represent the anti-freedom point of view because they’re all working for this organisation running around like drones as the angels once did and we don’t have a Cas character in there yet, one who has been clearly shown to have doubts, I think Mick does count as one of the brainwashed soldiers if you have to make the parallel, even if he doesn’t want to get his hands dirty. (Wow that was a long sentence, sorry.) He’s out there running around talking to people anyway, not staying safe at home in a library or whatever. I think this also makes Mick a dark Cas mirror because he is buying into the ideology and seemingly happy with his current lot in life, which Cas apparently never was.

And Wally was an archetypal American hunter who probably stood in for every conversation Mick had up until that point rather than montaging him failing to make the pitch to dozens of hunters we just get this example conversation. And of course Wally also represents the Winchesters and more specifically Dean because Dean isn’t a typical hunter (12x06 showed how he’s still a sort of outsider in that group and that’s a theme that goes back as far as, like, season 2, when they began fleshing out the idea of a real community of these guys for the first time) but he’s much closer than Sam would be to the Generic Hunter Type.

So we have a good allegory for Dean talking to a complete worst case dark Cas mirror, with shades of antagonists like Metatron and Zach to him (who are terrible angles who’ve served to contrast Cas to and show how great he is :P)…

I guess the key line from 4x22 would be

CASTIELWhat is so worth saving? I see nothing but pain here. I see inside you. I see your guilt, your anger, confusion. In paradise, all is forgiven. You’ll be at peace. Even with Sam.

which is a similar suggestion Dean gets a lot in season 5 - I think from Pamela and the whore of babylon both talk to him about the peace afterwards, in 2 consecutive episodes right before he gives up and goes to be Michael’s vessel. So it’s the same line basically as the sales pitch for what Heaven is trying to achieve (I think Zach says it a few times too)… Very similar to the “world without monsters” speech. I think the stuff Pamela says in 5x16 is actually closest because of the emphasis on everyone being locked up in Heaven in these passive little memory-dream bubbles completely under control -

PAMELA: You don’t believe me.

DEAN: No, I do, it’s just, you know. Spending eternity trapped in your own little universe while the angels run the show, that’s lonely. You know. That’s not Nirvana. That’s the Matrix.

PAMELA: I don’t know. Attic’s still better than the basement.

DEAN: Yeah, but (he holds his hand out) you know this place feels real, but it’s Memorex. Real is down there.

PAMELA: Yeah, well, close enough. Look, Dean, I’m happy. I’m at peace.

DEAN: What? Are you trying to sell me a time share? I mean, what’s with the pitch?

PAMELA: (chuckling) I know that Michael wants to take you out for a test drive.

DEAN: (interrupting) Pamela…

PAMELA: Just saying. What happens if you play ball with them? Worst case.

DEAN: A lot of people die.

PAMELA: And then they come here. Is that really so bad? Look. Maybe… you don’t have to fight it so hard. That’s all I’m trying to say.

but yeah, that’s all just expanding on the philosophy of what Dean and Cas were arguing about there.

I guess Wally being able to tell Mick to shove it has less riding on it, but it also does nothing to change Mick’s mind. But now Mary has been taken in by it, she’s a Winchester who is now going to have an arc where she is being controlled, so though Mick has given her the pitch and she’s gone along with it (so now totally flipping 4x22 because it would be Dean being like “yeah okay you have a point” after Cas says that) we go further down this route (because of course the immediate stakes are much lower with no Lucifer rising in the next half hour to bother them :P)… Kind of out into uncharted waters when it comes to this exact parallel then because obviously Cas got past his brainwashing again and rebelled properly, while Mick is just feeling victorious that control’s won right now, but there have been other times the main characters have accepted being controlled for the greater good (Sam in season 4 for one) so it’ll be interesting to see where this goes for Mary. I suppose the victory in 4x22 for Cas and freedom is waiting for Mary because by reflecting it like this, it’s now on Mary to reject the control instead? Idk. :P Drawing random conclusions here while sounding out the ideas.

#Asks #12x09 #season 12 spoilers #parallels #4x22 #5x16 #< dabb #lol #Mary F Winchester #superbritish

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tricksexual · 6 years

Text

I stopped watching Supernatural somewhere between seasons 8 and 9.

I stopped for multiple reasons, but for huge Cas-stan such as myself, the biggest was having to watch my favorite character die over and over-and us as the audience never really knew if this time it would stick, or if he would just be brought back once again.

But now the show is on season 13, and I honestly can't believe it's survived this long. But finally having time to myself, I decided to rewatch the show from the very beginning with a clear mind-not being actively involved in the fandom, the drama, the ships. And it's honestly be very eye opening.

So far I've caught up to myself from the past. I've watched seasons 1-7 in completion and am currently in season 8 (which I fondly remember being called Season Gr8), and I have Opinions™.

Season 1 was, of course the slowest, and I found myself skipping through a few monster-of-the-week fillers until we started coming onto the plot that would lead us all the way to season 5. And I genuinely enjoyed it. It was a great story, Sam and Dean go through some serious character arcs and handle certain storylines with a lot of emotional intensity. Sam's struggle with emotional and mental abuse, being taken advantage of, and the addiction he struggled with were seen with greater appreciation this time around. Having gone through some serious things in my own life, I felt myself really reaching for Sam as he fought tooth and nail to redeem himself in the eyes of those who loved him.

Dean's battle with depression was something I'd connected with when I first started watching the show who knows how many years ago, so to see it beginning to stem and build after John's death and continue all the way into season 8 (and I'm sure further down the line as well) was hard. The one thing I always loved about Dean, though, was that he always made the choice to stay alive in the end, to fight. And, of course, at the end of the day it all about Sam and Dean and their relationship that keeps both boys on the right path.

Something I had noticed the time around is that Dean constantly foreshadowing our Big Bads-which I directly correlated with Stiles from Teen Wolf, who has first impressions of characters that tend to be directly spot on. Seeing it now makes me want to scream at the other characters while Dean tries futilely to get them to see things his way.

Castiel is probably my favorite story. He started off as someone who was mindless, followed orders, and didn't question his Father. I relate because I spent many years walking and talking to my father's tune, and I was a good daughter. No matter how my fathers actions hurt me or others, there was a part of my brain that said, "follow orders, unquestioningly. I consider this brainwashing, and to break this connection is extremely difficult. For Cas, it took falling in love with humanity. Seeing the worth of humans, especially the ones he guarded. His story progressed, and I noticed Dean calling Cas a 'child' more often then not. Now that I can take a step back, I understand how, once again, Dean was foreshadowing events to come. Castiel didn't know how to handle his new found free will, making choices which cross the line between right and wrong. Later he admits that he truly doesn't know what is right and what is wrong, which I can understand. After having been under someone's control for so long, only to be left alone to remake who you are can leave your perceptions pretty askew.

The lines, "It sounds so simple when you say it. Where were you when I needed to hear it?" - "I was there, where were you?" Between Dean and Cas really strikes something in me. Castiel tried so hard to make the right choice, but instead he decides to do right by his leader, Dean, who wanted a normal life outside of hunting after Sam jumped into Lucifer's cage. I found this parallel between Dean and God much more pronounced this time around for Castiel. Cas never really made his own choice, only did his best to follow a leader that wasn't present. Of course, Dean would have dropped everything for Castiel if he'd gone to him, but the drive to give Dean normalcy overrode sensibility. Later rationalizing terrible decisions and tragic mistakes, which is indeed childish and would be his downfall. That downfall lead to a great redemption arc in season 8, which I haven't watched in it's entirely quite yet, but have enjoyed.

To build off of that, I wanted to address Dean's trauma. The fact that Cas refused to go through the portal from Purgatory traumatized Dean so much that the memory became unreliable, and lead Dean to believe that he wasnt strong enough to bring Cas back. Dean goes through so much. I've touched on his depression, but he has absolutely been through the ringer, and I can guarantee that he still holds the weight of the world on his shoulders, which leads to this complex of 'im not strong enough to save the world but I HAVE to try'.

When Bobby dies, Dean's severe alcoholism really begins to stack up. Enough that even Sam speaks up about it a few times. The episode where they fight the Shojo, he asks if Dean can even get drunk, and Dean's surprised when he does. And it gets worse when they have to send Bobby back before he becomes a vengeful ghost. When the cameras pans over to show Castiel watching form the background, really broke my heart. Through Castiel's mental break and outright refusal to participate in any conflict, he still knew his loyalties and was still broken by Bobby dying, something that we hadn't seen Cas handle until that moment.

At this point though, in season 8, I'm getting more critical of what I'm seeing. The vision that Kripke had for the show has run it's course, and that's crystal clear to me. I have to remind myself that these characters have grown and moved on in ways that I didn't originally see them going. Namely, Amelia and Dean.

I don't like Amelia. At all. And I vaguely remember that being the majority opinion among the fandom, but I could be wrong. Yes, I'm glad Sam found someone who knew the pain of losing a loved one. That's extremely important for Sam to recover and move on. And yes, I'm glad Sam found someone to move forward into a better life with. But good good, could they have written someone a little kinder? A little softer? Someone who wouldn't have so mean, rude, and harsh? At this point for me, 8-9 episodes in, I have no interest in her and am excited for her character to be written off. In my opinion, Sam deserved way better from a partner, someone similar to Lisa for Dean back in season 6.

As for Dean, I understand that he's gone through a full year of combat. He and Benny bonded like they fought in the same foxhole, saw blood and gore daily, took lives or else their lives would be taken. I know that Dean is going through a PTSD arc, and that's fantastic. It's a story that's very much needed, because Dean has been through a lot already, and the mental scars of those things need to be addressed as well as healed eventually. But I'm absolutely horrified at Dean and the way hes treating Sam for moving on. I continuously find myself routing for Sam to go off on his own again, to leave Dean and his attitude behind. In my personal opinion, Sam doesn't deserve the treatment that Dean's been giving him. I understand that Dean was hoping Sam would find a way to bring him back, fail, and move on like Dean had done back in season 6. I understand that Dean has seen so much war in Purgatory that now his vision of civilian life, even hunting itself, might be askew. But that doesn't make.his treatment of Sam okay.

The final thing I want to touch on is Sam and what he went through while having visions of Lucifer in season 7. I just want to say how proud of Sam I am at this point, because he is not the picture of mental health. He has been through things that most couldn't imagine. And we get to see him heal. That is the most important message to me. Go through hell, heal, grow, make better choices on the next go. That's all you can ever do. And I've watched this boy do it time and time again. Sam's message on mental health is probably my strongest take-away from this rewatch.

I'm my writing this to get a reaction or to even interact with the fandom, just to get my thoughts down in writing. Because I've had all these thoughts floating in my head since I started the rewatch, and I just couldn't keep it in anymore.

If you do wanna strike up a conversation, you can message me or reply to this post, totally up to you. I'll probably do another post once I fall into season 10 and again once I'm caught up with the series.

#dont mind me #meta #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel

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nellie-elizabeth · 7 years

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Supernatural: Who We Are/All Along the Watchtower (12x22/23)

Uhhhhhhhhh okay. I remember last season's finale was a big ol' anticlimax, although it did set up some potentially interesting ideas. This season finale was... is... I mean... not an anticlimax, let's just say that. Yikes. I'm going to review both episodes in this same post, but I'm going to break it up into sections.

Who We Are

Cons:

I know I complained about this in last week's review, but it bears repeating: Sam and Dean being trapped in the bunker really doesn't make sense. We didn't get any explanation here as to why Ketch thought that was a good idea. Like. What. Of course they got out. They just blew up a small part of the bunker, and they were free and clear. Oy. This felt like a bit of a wasted opportunity, also, in the sense that it took all of ten minutes for Sam, Dean, and Toni to escape from their near-death. There could have been more material with this, if they were going to go this route.

Toni agrees to help Dean try and un-brainwash Mary, but only with the promise from Dean that he'll let her get a head start so she can try and escape. Cool. Unfortunately, while Mary and Dean are both unconscious and hanging out in Mary's brain somehow, Ketch shows up and kills Toni. We don't actually get to see it happen, we just see Dean waking up and he notices Toni lying there with her throat slit. All of the baggage that they built up with Ketch and Toni... leads to nothing. I feel like this should have been a bigger moment somehow.

Pros:

For practically every season of this show up until now, I feel like the brothers have had to take turns being the myth-arc lead. Being the one who has to do the awesome thing to save the world at the end. The last two seasons have been Dean, Seasons Five and Eight were obviously Sam... you get what I mean. This year, Sam and Dean both had different quests, and they both pulled out major victories, sharing in the glory of winning the day. It was so refreshing to have Sam lead a battle, while Dean tapped in to his emotions to free his mother. Neither task felt more important than the other, and both were done with great pacing and care.

The opening scene where Sam, Dean, and Toni work to break out of the bunker was pretty cool. The way that this premise came about was obviously stupid, but whatever. I like how Sam had a solution that involved magic, and then when that didn't work, Dean came up with using sledgehammers, and then when that didn't work... the grenade launcher. The fact that they've been planting that all season is just so hilarious to me. Chekhov's grenade launcher. I love that Dean got a chance to finally do what he's been wanting to do since he laid eyes on that thing. So great. We also got a lovely little brother moment, where they despair at their lives ending in such a way. They always thought they'd go out in a blaze of glory. Dean laments the fact that recently, he thought they had it all. Cas, Mom, each other... and now it's all gone. This was a good way to establish their despair, so that the victories they achieved later in the episode had greater weight.

Once they escape from the bunker, they get a call from Jody. Their mother showed up to kill her. Luckily, Jody, with an assist from Alex, managed to subdue her and tie her up. God, I love Jody. I didn't think they'd be stupid enough to kill her, but after what went down last week with Eileen, I figured anything was possible. It was so great to see Jody and Alex, and we even got a mention of Donna (although, hey, where the heck was Claire during all of this?). The famous "kick it in the ass" line is said by Alex to Jody, as she wishes her adoptive mother well on her quest. Even better, Jody's presence in the episode is more than just a cameo. Here, we get to the part where Sam and Dean each have their own tasks to complete.

Sam rallies a group of hunters to take down the British Men of Letters, giving a rousing speech about how the American hunters are in the right. They know to follow their guts, and that hunting is more than just killing. This is a great moment of leadership for Sam. He falters a bit at the beginning, but then gives a speech worthy of Buffy Summers. I love all the callbacks here. We see earlier Dean on the phone with Garth, we get Walt and Roy showing up to help in the assault... apparently there are no hard feelings for the whole murder thing.

Sam and Dean have another emotional moment, when Dean says that due to his leg injury from the grenade launcher, he's not going to go with Sam and the others to take out the British. He'll stay behind and try to save Mary. The brothers share a hug, with Dean telling Sam to come back, and Sam promising that he will. They exchange a Winchester I love you: "Bitch." "Jerk." I love this moment because it encompasses so many things about their relationship. Dean knows Sam can handle this on his own, and so he takes a step back. He trusts Sam to do it right, and that's something Dean has had a really hard time with over the years. There's also the fact that this whole British Men of Letters plot started with Sam getting shot and tortured by them. It's very satisfying to me that in the end, Sam gets to be the one to lead the strike on their headquarters.

And it's a pretty bad-ass take-down, I gotta say. Some of the hunters do indeed fall on the assault, but the remaining ones manage to breach all the way through to Madame Hess, who tries to stop Sam from killing her by saying that he'll need the British Men of Letters to help take down Lucifer. Sam is shocked to hear that Lucifer has escaped, and that Crowley is apparently dead, but after only a moment's hesitation, he declines the offer to keep working for these lunatics. Hess reaches for her gun, but before she can do anything, Jody shoots Hess in the head, dropping her instantly. So. Cool. I'm glad Jody got to take the shot, since it shows just what an awesome hunter she truly is.

Meanwhile, Dean gets Toni's help hooking himself up to Mary's brain to try and break through her conditioning. The way they do this is just brilliant. Dean shows up in his childhood home. He sees baby Sammy, he sees himself as a toddler. And he sees Mary taking care of them. Dean talks to her, but she doesn't react. Dean eventually discovers that Mary is choosing not to acknowledge him or respond to him, so he forces her to acknowledge him by giving her this amazing speech. He tells her: "I hate you." He blames the entire messy life he and Sam have lived on the fact that Mary made that deal with Azazel all those years ago. He had to be a father and a mother to Sam in order to keep his little brother safe, and that wasn't fair. Eventually, however, he says that while he hates her... he also loves her. He can't help it. And he forgives her, because he's made deals to save the people he loves. He knows what that's like. He begs her to see him, to turn around and really look at him. They can start over. They can move past this and be a family again. Mary does seem to acknowledge Dean. They are then both pulled out of their connection by Ketch's arrival, and just as Ketch is about to kill Dean, Mary shoots and kills Ketch instead. Yes!

What's so brilliant about Dean's speech is that it's the buildup of his emotions during this whole season, and yet I don't think any of us really understood how he was feeling until this moment. His whole life, he felt abandoned by Mary. And knowing that she had been responsible in some way for her own death made it that much harder. And then Mary has miraculously returned, and what's the first thing she does? She leaves them again. This speech was also amazing because it mirrors what Mary must be feeling about herself. This is why she stayed away. She wanted to help, but she didn't want to be around Sam and Dean. She was just so ashamed of what she had done to them. Jensen Ackles knocked it out of the park in these scenes. Great acting. Great emotion. A+ resolution to the Mary Winchester story-arc of the season.

And things get even more lovely from there. Sam shows up as Dean and Mary are talking about moving forward as a family. Mary is worried that Sam won't be able to forgive her, but Sam quickly assuages that fear and pulls her into a hug. Dean, relieved and proud that Sam is back, goes in for a hug as well, and the three of them stand there in the bunker in a group hug. My heart exploded.

Ultimately, the first half of this finale was a better episode than the second. It may have been less of a finale, in that it didn't end on a giant cliffhanger, but it was good because it gave agency to Sam and Dean in a way that they've been missing for most of the season. They worked together, they worked separately, they both succeeded in their missions and came together at the end victorious. It was exactly what we needed to see before jumping in to a second hour, where things were ripped from their grasp quite firmly once again.

All Along the Watchtower

Cons:

I'll start with the smaller complaints before getting to the biggie. Another off-screen death of a recurring female character. Rowena is apparently no more, and judging by the charred remains, I'd say this one's going to stick. I feel like killing Rowena was pretty unnecessary, but more than that, it sucks that we don't even get to see her put up a fight first. Just like Ketch and Toni had all of this relationship drama that we didn't get to see play out, here we have Lucifer and Rowena, another fraught sort of partnership, and we don't get to see that resolve. Feels like a wasted opportunity.

I kept waiting to understand Crowley's motivation for keeping Lucifer out of the cage, and I feel like we never really got it. Sure, Crowley talked about how Lucifer humiliated him or whatever, and there was a nice moment where we learn that Crowley hates his job, as if we didn't already know that... but at the end of the day, Crowley came across as a total dumb-ass for not being able to handle the Lucifer situation.

Kelly never really solidified for me as a character. She spends the episode lamenting the fact that she'll die never getting to be a proper mother for her child, who she has named Jack. She paints his room, builds him a crib, makes him a video where she tells him she loves him... I get the sense that I'm supposed to be moved by all of this. Cas and Kelly have this relationship where it seems like Cas is really coming to care for this woman who is inevitably going to die. All of it feels lacking, somehow. I can't make myself care about Kelly, and I can't make myself care about Cas caring about her.

The episode ends with Sam running in to the room to see that Kelly is dead, sort of as an afterthought. He then follows some weird burning footprints up to the baby's room, where he sees a fully grown man with strange glowing eyes sitting in the corner. I'm not sure if I'm all that thrilled with another baby-turned-insta-adult. Didn't we just do that with Amara? Sigh. I'm trying to reserve judgment until I see what they do with this guy next year, but... c'mon, guys.

Supernatural is a show with many weaknesses, and one of those weaknesses is how it treats death. Let's just... talk about that for a second, here. I think for the most part, the characters who died in this episode are going to stay dead. Kelly is out. Rowena, probably out. Even Crowley... I think that actually may have been the end for him, and it was a good one. But Cas? I don't know if he's dead-dead, or just dead-for-now. And that's a problem. Am I supposed to be shocked and crushed that Cas has been killed? He's died several times on this show already, and he's always popped back up when the story wanted him there again. So there's a paradox, right? Because if I'm not supposed to believe that he's really gone, and he is really gone, then that death moment wasn't big enough to be a sendoff. And if he's not really gone, then I won't be surprised, and the effect of the moment itself doesn't work. I want Cas to be alive. Very badly. And if they do kill his character off permanently, I'm going to want something a lot better than what we got here.

Because, yeah, this is another thing - Why did Cas even bother going in to the alternate universe in the first place? Sam, Dean, and Crowley had this plan to seal Lucifer away in an alternate plane, and it looks like it would have worked. But at the last second, Cas comes storming in to pointlessly stab Lucifer. He comes back into our world through the rift, everybody smiles for half a second, and then Lucifer shows up again through the rift and stabs Cas, killing him. What was Cas doing? Why on earth would he have thought that a puny little angel blade was going to do anything against Lucifer? His motivations were totally unclear and completely stupid. I hate the idea of Cas dying because he made another bad decision. That seems to be the pattern. Cas does something dumb, it goes poorly, and everybody pays a price for it. If this show kills off Castiel, then it has got to be a lot more meaningful and epic than what I just witnessed.

Pros:

In the first half of the finale, Sam and Dean were able to take real initiative and be agents in the story for the first time in a while. In the second half, they were back to reacting to everything. Oddly, it worked perfectly. After an hour of triumphs, of defeating a season-long foe and getting the family back together, Sam and Dean watched as everything crumbled around them. They had a plan. They nearly executed the plan. And then they lost Crowley, a long-time ally, Cas, their dearest friend, and Mary, their only recently restored mother, all in the span of minutes. Frankly, it was chilling how much they went through in such a short amount of time. Having them be so helpless in all of this was a great way to set things up for next season. To have peace and victory so very close, and then have it all ripped away... ouch, ouch, ouch.

As I said, Kelly never did much for me as a character. However, I did like the moment when Mary and Kelly are sitting together while Kelly is in labor. It gives us a chance to see the bond of motherhood. Kelly is scared, but at peace with her death, as she is willing to die for her son. Mary knows what that feels like.

So, the real wrench in the proceedings comes into play as we introduce an alternate realty. Somehow, the unborn nephilim creates a portal that Cas goes through into an alternate post-apocalyptic wasteland. Cas later brings Sam and Dean in, and they meet an alternate version of Bobby, one who doesn't recognize them. Turns out, this is a world where Sam and Dean were never born, and they therefore didn't save the world. Sam, Dean, and Crowley quite cleverly perceive that this would be a way to trap Lucifer away from their world, as what Lucifer is after has already happened on this alternate plane. What I love about this is the possibilities it brings for the future. If Jack the nephilim has the power to open a portal to another dimension, could he do it again? Are there infinite dimensions? Could this be a way of bringing back virtually every character that has ever died on this show? If so, yes please. I remember when we were first introduced to the Darkness. I was hoping that we'd end up in a post-apocalyptic world for the next season, and really force things to the next level. That didn't happen. But maybe this time it will. Maybe this time we'll actually spend some significant time interacting with realms different from the original one. That could be really fascinating.

Also, Bobby. Just... Bobby. I'm so glad he showed up. He was as ornery and delightful as always, and his gun was named Rufus. Please let him reappear next season. Please.

Before we get to the serious stuff, a brief break to talk about my favorite comedic moments of the episode. We get a mention of "The French Mistake," the crazy world where Sam and Dean were actors, and as Dean remembers and says to Sam "you were Polish." Their line delivery was just great. Also, lots of funny moments with Crowley. When he first shows up, Dean just immediately punches him and is about to kill him, when Sam stops Dean, a bit half-heartedly. Dean and Mary both say "seriously?" Later, as Dean is despairing in the craziness of their situation, he says: "I don't even know where to start," and then suddenly Crowley just appears out of nowhere, and Dean says "Oh, come on!" Another great line read from Jensen. Humor is always very important to lighten the mood when it comes to such serious episodes.

Before all this shit goes down, Dean has a line where he says: "I have faith in us. You, me, mom, Cas, and... Crowley. Sometimes." This line is all the more depressing when you realize that Sam and Dean are about to lose all three of the other people that Dean just listed.

Cas. God, Cas. I wasn't thrilled with all the stuff with him and Kelly in this one, but I still really do love him. I love the fact that Cas and Dean basically act like lovers in the middle of a fight who are both trying to stow their crap to get on with more important things. Cas heals Dean's leg sort of off-hand, and Dean says that they'll work out their problems, just like they always do. It's lines like these that make Cas' death all the more difficult to bear. Setting aside my own hangups about this death, I did really appreciate Dean's reaction to it. Just... dead inside. Just... drops to his knees and doesn't even know how to keep going on. Again, we contrast Sam and Dean in their behavior with Cas. When Cas rushes through the portal to attack Lucifer, Dean is the one who shouts Cas' name and tries to run forward, while Sam pulls his brother back to the portal and to safety. After Cas dies, we have Sam, who looks terribly sad but then rushes off to figure out what happened inside the house with Kelly, and then we have Dean, who doesn't even make a move to follow Sam inside. He just stares at Cas and drops to his knees. This just breaks my heart.

Mary gets to punch Lucifer in the face with brass knuckles, and it's super awesome. She also gets trapped in an apocalyptic wasteland, which is less awesome. But does this mean we get to see Mary and Bobby team up in an alternate reality next season? That would just be everything I never knew I needed. Honestly. I don't have much to say about Mary in this second episode. She's amazing, and I hope that now that all her insecurities are behind her, she can come out the other side of this whole apocalypse thing a stronger person than ever.

Crowley. I love Crowley so much, but I really do hope that this is the end for his character. Because if so? Amazing. So amazing. To start off with, he goes to the Winchesters for help in defeating Lucifer, because he knows that he can count on them above all others. And then he ends this episode by killing himself to protect the world from Lucifer. Or, probably more accurately, to screw Lucifer over in his own personal vendetta. But do you know what? It's still a noble sacrifice! Earlier in the episode, he promised Sam and Dean a reward if they helped him stop Lucifer: he'd close the gates of Hell, meaning none of them would ever have to deal with another demon again, other than Crowley himself. He has realized that he hates his job. He's spent so long fighting to keep power that he forgot to notice how much he actually hated having it. I couldn't imagine a better resolution to this character we've known for so long. I've been saying for seasons and seasons now that Crowley should either become the final big bad, or die heroically in the quest to stop the final big bad, throwing in a last-minute redemption as he exits. And that's what this was. His final words are to say goodbye to Sam and Dean, which just... rip my heart out, why don't you? I know I'm supposed to be more emotionally connected to Cas' death, but it was Crowley's that tugged at my heartstrings. This truly feels like a fitting end to his character.

So... uh... yeah. Let's do a little death tally on these two episodes, shall we? How about just named recurring characters?

Toni Ketch Hess Rowena Kelly Crowley Castiel

Yikes? Especially yikes to Crowley and Cas, obviously. I've complained above about the impermanence of death in Supernatural. But even keeping that in mind, killing off two main characters in a single episode is very ballsy, especially with a show like this one, where the cast is so very teeny tiny to begin with. It's a risk that I really appreciated, and as I discussed above, I actually do hope that this is the end for Crowley. It would be such a fitting way for him to go. For Cas, I'm less convinced. I don't like the idea of him dying because he made yet another ill-advised move. It happened too quickly, and I think we all deserve a lot more out of the departure of this show's main non-Winchester character. Obviously, Sam and Dean will do what they can do to get Mary back. But what about Cas? I'm trying not to freak out, since I have to assume they can bring him back... Gosh, I don't know. I guess I'll leave it at that.

I'm glad we're getting a Season Thirteen. I'm not sure that Supernatural has actually been a good show in a very long time, but it's a show I take great comfort in. I still feel really connected to the characters and what happens to them. I'll be with this show til the bitter end, whenever that may be.

9/10

#review #supernatural #supernatural review #spn #12x22 #12x23 #who we are #all along the watchtower

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