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la-scree · 8 months

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Let's Talk About FFXIV's Dancer Story...

For the few who know I exist and voted for this in the poll I put up, it's time to talk about one of the Jobs within Final Fantasy XIV: Dancer. And how...I really find the story horrible. Much worse than Paladin's.

Now before people start coming at me with 'but um actually's, I'm going to state this: I actually love Dancer. I've always been a sucker for classes and jobs who put focus on performance aspects. While I'm not a dancer, I used to sing in choirs and be in my schools' drama clubs. Yes, I was a Drama Kid but not the crazy batshit ones like you see on Glee. I just had fun with it. I also tend to main the Dancer Job at least when I play on Yua and anytime I really don't feel like doing much/my brain decides to go brrrrrrrr after a shift at work. You would too if you had to deal with face to face interactions. It's also great that I tend to think of great glams that would look good without the usage of mods and a lot of my glamour plates tend to be either casting or aiming involved. And yet despite all of this, I have strong feelings about the story. Negative ones.

But it wasn't always like this. In fact, when Dancer was announced during Fanfest before Shadowbringers hit, I was happy to know it was a Ranged DPS. I was going to level it first then hit the MSQ afterwards. And when I played it the first time, I thought it was alright and enjoyed it. Proudly sported the AF gear and paraded around (that's kind of a big oof there but more qualified folks can talk about that than me) But then...others started bringing up some issues they had with Dancer's story; about how the tone didn't feel right or the story was giving off a bad message. And this made me think because people weren't pulling this out of their asses, they were talking about points in the story that I myself had glossed over. Unlike how I was with Hien, blindly going along with the majority in saying how bad he was, I decided to replay the story on another character and really go through all the dialogue and story and see if they had some weight to it.

And they were right. Replaying it, I had started to get angry and really rip into it on the second go. It wasn't until my forth run that I could finally really get a good sense of how I felt. I still deemed it as the worst but I could word why a bit better.

So what is the story anyway? A group of dancers from Thavnair travel to Eorzea and want to 'bring succor'. The group, Troupe Falsiam, performs in Limsa and their leader, Nashmeira (looks like a prim rich lady) sees you and asks you if you wanna join them as a dancer and kind of psuedo guide around the realm so they perform. You also meet her protege, Ranaa, who feels like the genki girl that I swear if I didn't know better that she'd try and act like Tomo from Azumanga Daioh, and she's all happy that you're coming along. It's not until later, around level 65 that Nashmeira reveals that she was hiding something from you and the others: their journey was to stop a dance called the Totentanz from causing chaos and despair.

(On a side note, why the fuck is this dance and the war dance we know are German names and our attacks are French origin names when we don't get anything like it in Thavnair proper? Or was this a 'pull out of our ass and need some pretty names for attacks?' We'll never know.)

And where do we go to stop this place? Poor areas.

You heard me.

Nashmeira's idea is to go to poorer areas, dance for them, bring out a despair monster from it, fight it, and...that's it. Everyone should be happy for about five minutes while not knowing that it wasn't for show. So we're lying about it too? Oh goodie. It's here where I'm starting to see the tone shift/deafness of the story. Here's this conflict happening but what are you trying to tell the audience? A dance will make your problems go away?

In an ideal world, that would be nice but I bet if Nashmeira met and talked to a poor person, did her dance, the poor person is probably going to look at her and ask "It's nice and all but how is that going to help me get food/shelter?" In fact, during the level 63 quest, one of the troupe members asks her why poor people in particular while agreeing that both the common and higher classes should be able to enjoy dancing, it doesn't explain why specifically the poor. You find out later that 'poor folks are more prone to despair' according to her.

Bet during Endwalker, that line of thinking bit her in the ass.

Nashmeira: "Just trust me bro, it'll be fine."

Another point to this is that during the story, this is the only time someone kind of questions the troupe's leader. There's no one who looks at this in the story and questions why they're doing this and what will it help with. Again, no one speaks up and asks "Hey, how will this help me?" or even challenges Nashmeira or Ranaa's beliefs or about what they're doing. Hell, Counselingway from the Loporrits even questioned the Dreaming Ways in their questline. When a dumb meme rabbit does better than you, something's up.

The issue I have here is that Nashmeira isn't doing what she says she's doing. In order to actually stop despair, one has to look at the situation, figure what's causing the conflict, and try to stop it there. Some may say that what she and the troupe are doing are putting a band aid on but what good is it going to do if there's no result of the solution provided? They're not stopping despair, they're just only pretending to do so. It's even worse when some of the people they're trying to help are duskwights (level 65 she and the troupe actually see them as villains instead of people who need help and had them arrested by the Twin Adder and constantly demean them, calling them from rabble-rousers to nasty duskwights), those of the Brume (who have been going through some nasty revelations since the Dragonsong War ended), and those affected by the Garlean Empire's rule for over 20 years. It's heavy matters but it's just thrown off to the side like it's nothing. None of these characters have nothing to say about the meaning of despair, what a dance could do, nothing about how the art is connected to Thavnair outside 'we're from Radz-at-Han'.

Which brings me to another point as to why I say this story is the worst: the motivations of its main characters. Or rather, the lack of motivation. I brought up that Paladin is second compared to this and it's because at least a character had a motivation for picking up the sword: remember that kid from the 50-60 questline? He wanted to get stronger because his mom died. Still a shitty motivation but at least he has one. We never learn why Nashmeira or Ranaa chose the path of the Dancer. Why do they dance? Outside of this mission bullshit, we don't really understand these characters we're supposed to be standing by. While they try to give Ranaa something in the 80 capstone quest, it just has her go to Kugane. Just that and you and her dance together to let her make her choice. Why does she dance? Why and how did she get to come across the troupe? How did she become Nashmeira's protege? If I didn't play this questline four times, I would probably needed to google their names or just call them Rich Lady and Genki Catgirl. They're boring to follow and all I wanted to do was just move onwards so I could get Technical Step. I dragged my feet during my last playthrough because it was that bad.

To add on about the shift in tone, another reason I want to point out is that it was introduced in Shadowbringers. Given the idea of using emotions and finding ways to drive away despair, it should have been introduced in Endwalker. Not only that but it could have given more about the dancers' culture since we see a lot of Radiant Host members are in fact dancers. The tone of each of these expansion stories are different and it just feels like Dancer was just thrown in there because they already had two Jobs for the next expansion and in all honesty, makes me kind of sad. But even in Endwalker, we don't have any kind of lore or stories about the dancers unless you dig through a throwaway line during a small side quest in order to unlock another side questline. They just feel rather forgotten.

However, I think because quite a lot of people had feedback on it, and this is only a silly theory, the devs tried to do more within some of the sections like Thavnair's second half as the Palaka's Stand folk speak about what they learned from the gods or even Endwalker's Role Quests (minus the capstone); actually, those questlines address things I even brought up here like a conflict that's deep rooted within the community and steps to take to make it better besides 'kill the blasphemy'. You can't just fight the thing, you have to understand who they were, why they turned, what's the root conflict, and try to solve it. Some did it better than others but they tried at least.

And if you made it this far, congrats. You somehow survived my ramblings. And if you disagree and think that the Dancer Story is S Tier, then cool. It's ok to think that way. These are just my thoughts and overall, Dancer deserved much better because the potential there is great. But potential can only go so far. You can't solve despair with just a dance: you got to attack it head on and do something to ensure it stays at bay.

#ffxiv #ffxiv dnc #dnc story sucked hard #dnc #lita has thoughts

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justanothercloudinthesky · 1 year

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Requests( 0/10) and Match-ups (12/12)

Hello All, I've had a blast doing these compatibility/ideal types headcanons, and I have decided that it might be fun to add matchups to the mix. I'm gonna state kinda my thought process with these so if you're able to read through it before leaving a request/matchup ask, I'd greatly appreciate it!

So, I really really wanted to open up match ups and requests and will leave details on each. On each of my platforms, I'll open 10 slots for requests, and 12 for match ups, I'll try to update how many slots are left, Due to working boarderline full time and being a full time student, I really can't afford to put more time into this hobby, even though I'd like to.

Guidelines:

I will try my very best to accommodate what fandoms are requested, as a general rule if I've written in the fandom before, I'll be good to write in it again. However if I don't have any works posted about it, you can ask, but please link a fandom I have written for as a second option.

since a whole heaping ton of these fandoms are high-school based, please take the request with either aged-up or aged-down assumption! I won't include anything NSFW in any of the responses.

Please avoid talking about triggering subjects, I'm fine if you mention your mental health but I realize that this is a neutral space, but if a request or match up involves anything super triggering? I'll either not address it or not write it all together. I'd like to keep high-key triggers out of this space.

-One last thing, I will not be highlighting sexuality or gender-identity in my writings. For similar reasons people have religious traumas, I've had traumas with people in the LGBTQ+ community. I will not be making any mean comments, but I also will not be taking any hate for it. I am of the firm belief that we are responsible for our own safe-spaces, and this is something I've put in place to keep this place safe for me. If this bothers you, I hope you find some place else that is a better fit for you.

Matchups:

Please leave these in my message or inbox, I tend to easily loose them if they are linked in comments!

What Details I need from you (and which ones i don't!):

-if you have a gender preference, please state so. but I won't usually include pronouns in the response, so please keep that in mind, I just don't want to mess it up, especially since I'm usually writing these late at night after work, so if I do mess it up, I don't wanna offend anyone.

- I'd love to know your love language, pet peeves, what you notice first in a friend/partner, and any little details that make you... you! clothing style if you'd like, taste in music, some hobbies if you want (and why you like them)

-Physical attributes usually won't contribute much to match-ups, but if you do include them I can add some more detailed (SFW) physically affection, or things that catch the characters attention/opinions. I don't really think pictures are necessary, so it won't really help the response if you include them

-if you'd like to include your beliefs, opinions on life and your living it. I'd like to get to know you a bit, so i can really create a detailed/realistic headcanon.

-if you'd like to stay anon that's fine, but please some identifier (emoji, nickname, favorite burrito ingredient, go to order at mcdonalds, who knows)

(For the one anon I have currently, I'll just put you as original anon)

-lastly, if you'd like. please specify if you'd like a list of what happens or a headcanon on how you fell for each other, if neither are specified, I'll plan to do a mix of both

Matchup responses will be tagged with #YourWeatherReport

Total Weather Reports Currently: 2 (with more to come, so bring your umbrella!)

Requests:

I will be taking up to 10 requests on each platform at a time,

-they can be AU based but please know those might take a little longer if I'm not as familiar with the subject matter, as I would want to do proper research on the topic. due to my current life style I might do requests out of order.

- I will only be doing x reader preferences as that's my writing specialty for now.

- There can be general headcanons as well, not linked to anything romantically. So if you could specify whether you want something as a general or as a reaction. (I.E. MHA love languages vs MHA boys and their SO love languages) I'd just frame/aim it differently, so please specify.

I think that's about it, Thank you for your patience, I'm really looking forward to this, if you have any questions or concerns at all, please message and I'll try to get back. Please note I'll also post my own things between requests/matchups, so it could take a little bit, but I'll try to let people know when it's finished drafts and going into editing!

#Don'tForgetYourUmbrella #cloudpassingby #x reader #guidelines #requests open #mha requests open #Haikyuu requests open #mha matchups #haikyuu matchups #matchups open #hq #mha x reader #bnha x reader #x reader matchups

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zanarkandfayth · 1 year

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15 Questions

I was tagged by @ivorydice, thanks!

Tagging just... whoever. I don’t feel well and I don’t wanna think lmao

1. Are you named after anyone?

Well, I took "fayth" from Final Fantasy X because I adore the fayth so much and to me it's a gender neutral name. It started out combined with zanarkandfayth as a username idek when, late 2000s, and then just gradually evolved into me calling myself fayth. My legal name, no. My first name was apparently just easy for my dad to spell and my middle name is french because my mom likes the language. I hate both names and they can fuck off lol.

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhhh... I have a hard time crying these days even though I want to. Almost did last night because surgery recovery has been a bitch, does that count?

3. Do you have kids?

Nope. Don't want them. I'm not even capable of taking care of myself, why would I want to be responsible for another human being? And I did not win the gene lottery and the world sucks, I'm not inflicting this miserable existence on someone else.

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

Yes, though less than I used to because even sarcasm is effort and I'm tired.

5. What sports do you/have you played?

I liked basketball as a kid, and baseball, though I wasn't any good at either. I used to like to run. Uuuh I also did taekwondo as a kid for a couple years? idk if a martial art counts as a sport though.

6. What's the first thing you notice about other people?

Hair... idk it's usually the most noticeable thing to me. Except that guy who came through my line at DT once who was about seven feet tall, I definitely noticed his height first.

7. Eye colour?

Mine? Boring brown. Will forever hate it.

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

Happy endings. I used to like/not mind scary movies when I was younger, but now I need the feel good chemicals. Also I don't watch movies anymore. Legit could not name the last movie I've watched at this point.

9. Any special talents?

Making my readers cry lmao. No, idk. What's considered special? What's considered a talent? I don't want to stand out.

10. Where were you born?

Southern US, the same miserable state I exist in now, good ole Tennessee, though I'm now at the opposite end of it from where I was born/grew up. It's worse on this end for sure.

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing, video games, cooking... I'd say reading but I don't do that as much as I used to. The guilt of not having the energy to comment on fics gets to me and so I just don't read at all instead :/

12. Do you have any pets?

A shithead named Max. He's a flamepoint siamese cat that an old neighbour rescued from where he'd been abandoned on the side of the road and me and my ex ended up taking him in. My ex named him (after mad max apparently and I hate his name lol) but he attached himself to me so when I kicked the ex out a couple years later for being an abusive cheating narcissistic asshole, Max stayed with me. He turned ten this May but he still zooms around the house like a kitten. I love him but my health problems have made it increasingly hard to take care of him so he's going to be my last cat.

13. How tall are you?

5'2, forever sobbing

14. Favourite subject in school?

English was the only one I really enjoyed just because it was so easy. When I did university for the third time (the one I actually graduated from lmao), I also really liked most of my sociology classes, enough to make it a second degree, and I liked my scottish history class. If I could afford a third degree it'd probably be in history.

15. Dream job?

At this point? Nothing. Being a stay at home husband (with no kids, yes), or being an eternal university student just taking classes and getting degrees for the heck of it would be my ideal. I would also like to try my hand at making my own video game, but a) I can't art for shit, and b) chronic fatigue makes even starting on learning coding too daunting. I don't even have the energy I want for my current hobbies.

#fifteen questions #I love having an excuse to talk about myself #lmao #it was a nice distraction from how terrible I feel #turns out surgery recovery is your body finding new ways #to torment you every couple of days #real life #ignore me

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hikari-ni-naritai · 1 year

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do prime numbers^^

curses, my crimes have come back to haunt me u_u

2. How old are you?

29! soon im going to be very old

3. When is your birthday?

march 2

5. What is your favorite color?

really depends on the current vibe but i do really like sky blue

7. Do you have any pets?

we've got 3 cats in the house. Little Boy, Little Girl, and Destiel Cannon Spanish Dub. technically theyre not 'mine' though theyre my brother's

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

uhhh i wanna say........ 3? i have the pair i actually wear, i have an old pair that i havent thrown out, and im PRETTY sure i have the cream converse i bought in college for my 10th doctor cosplay.

13. What talents do you have?

im pretty good at ff14 raiding. everything else is like. skills ive never been talented at but ive worked on for years.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

if this is like a 'who' as in an example of a person, i dont have an answer. but if its just describing someone, it has to be a girl who's nice to me, can spend a lot of time with me, and it needs to be an exclusive relationship. im a very fragile, very lonely, and very jealous person and ive learned that i cant compromise on these things or ill just get myself hurt over and over. beyond that, it would be good if shes a better person than i am so i have something to aim for. anything else is like, just unnecessary benefits? it would be nice if she'd raid with me, it would be nice if shes a redhead, but like. its fine if not.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

thats a hard question. i do wanna get married someday and i dont wanna just go sign a paper at the courthouse but i dont have any connection to the church anymore but i do like the idea of committing blasphemy by being a trans lesbian marrying a woman in a church. who knows. id probably just get married somewhere else.

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?

i dont think so!

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

with this obscenely dysphoric body? hell no

31. What position do you usually sleep in?

on my left side, wrapped around hanako daki lol

37. Favorite swear word?

huge fan of fuck, personally

41. Are you a good liar?

im SOOO bad at lying. unbelievably bad. i can hardly even say lies. ive learned to avoid telling the truth if necessary but even that im bad at.

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?

if ive got a script to read! i did a lot of accents when playing through ace attorney. cant guarantee they were good or accurate but like. i did them. EXTREMELY bad at german though. had to keep doing that for fucking klavier. awful time.

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?

the aforementioned 10th doctor cosplay for sure

53. Favorite foreign food?

there was a fuckin pasta stir fry i had in israel when i visited and it was the best thing ive ever eaten but i have no idea what it was or how to make it.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

both, im very impatient and i love biting

61. Do you sing to yourself?

i do!

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?

if i had 50 blank spaces i could probably fill them. im not going to do it here tho.

71. What makes you nervous?

Basically Everything! people and strangers especially.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

less often than i used to! its very rarely appreciated or wanted so i dont.

79. Who was your first real crush?

ive talked about her a lot but it was this cute redheaded girl when i was in 8th grade. it did not go well! i was so so so bad at socialising in school and i freaked her out and she didnt like me. i have evidence that we became friends by late high school but all my memory of that disappeared when i went to college. she got married a few years back. shes still both my ideal gender and gf appearance.

83. How fast can you run?

im surprisingly fast when i need to be. my legs are the only part of my body that has any muscle mass in them. dont have much stamina though anymore.

89. Do you like your age?

the hell does this even mean lol. its okay i guess

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

i dont think so! no idea what my dad's side of the family got up to back in the day though.

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inkofamethyst · 2 years

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September 26, 2022

I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT I HAD MY FIRST CONVERSATION WITH A POTENTIAL ADVISOR AND I THINK IT WENT REALLY WELL AHHHHH

Now that my list of places has been reduced significantly (down to only seven from the twelve I was originally thinking about omg), I’ve got a plan for when I’m contacting people. I’ve got this, I’ve got this. I will admit that I’m working my way up to contacting the Ivy League Dude though lol. I need to be real intellectual for that conversation.

Also,,,, switching gears, Michael Giacchino has done it again. The Lightyear soundtrack was really quite good. Difficult to say if I’d call it memorable because I’m so biased towards The Incredibles and Ratatouille and Up and even Lost because those are iconic and they’ve had time to “age like fine wine.” But it was good, and the movie was cute (and Chris Evans has a hot voice). Honestly the whole ~gay kiss~ was sort of a blink-and-you-miss-it deal but I also understand that even that kind of representation is something that is fought for. Not every piece of representation can be as overly-dramatic as the first interracial kiss on television, and sometimes that’s okay.

Speaking of movies, I also finally saw Inception and I have a few comments. First, I really enjoyed it. It sits in sort of the same category as Tenet and The Matrix and I enjoy that type of scifi (unless it’s confusing just to be confusing which was the case with Tenet I think, but maybe I just need to watch it again). Second, the term “inception” literally just means the beginning of something. And I’ve known that denotation for a while, but culturally, when someone says that something is “like Inception” they mean that it is confusing or multi-layered. I didn’t find the movie confusing, but I did enjoy the layered aspect, and I think it’s really interesting how media can enter our lexicon that way. Same with The Matrix: “oh I’ve seen [something weird], that must be a glitch in the matrix” is something that I vaguely understood had to do with a movie, but I didn’t really understand the reference until I saw the reference material, just that the connotation was “the world as we see it is a little strange, and perhaps there’s more to it than meets the eye.” There was also the whole red-pill blue-pill thing which I’d heard but didn’t get at all until I watched the movie (I’m talking about the meanings pre-pillsphere, in case it wasn’t obvious). Third, apparently the Inception soundtrack (which I listened to a bunch in high school because I was into “epic music” then (like Two Steps From Hell type stuff)) was sort of the ~inception~ of the epic cinematic music genre which Hans Zimmer is so well known for. The hefty brass, the brazen percussion, the building strings, weightless climaxes followed by more brass... It’s really cool to contextualize such a defining piece of this genre that, truly, Hans Zimmer does best most successfully. That man is everywhere. Though, I do wonder if/when tastes will shift?

To switch gears entirely I’m not actively trying to date anyone right now (to be frank I’m going to be there’s a good chance I might be a miserable person until, like, March, and I don’t wanna put anyone else through that (this... this might be a manifestation of low self-esteem, actually, um, hm (I have half a mind to try my uni’s counselling center but I’m so busyyyy (and also I’ve got the whole “I’ll fix myself just you wait” issue which isn’t helping (and and and now that I’ve stated out loud that I’m going to I might be miserable ‘till March, this has really got me thinking that I might just get the whole seasonal affective disorder thing lol))))) but reading [_____] x reader headcannons for a fandom I don’t even really interact with much (showed up unprompted on my feed I promise) sure does have me feelin some kinda way (the kind of way that makes you want to pound on your desk, to be specific). Listen I understand entirely that those are idealized fantasies and real life doesn’t work that way. I like reading about the cute stuff but god help me if anyone lays a hand on me I might combust.

ANYWAY today I’m thankful that the conversation went well :)

[edit] It’s 2:30 in the morning but I sent my second potential advisor email out!!! Time for bed, finally.

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aceinspaces · 2 years

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oh I have a positive update since I sorta left this blog by the wayside for a bit. But I have some happy stories from the last months

but I have the BEST nurse practitioner now from a pelvic pain specialist clinic. She is truly an Angel and I want to be her when I grow up even though I’m 25. I wanna brag on this woman. When my insurance didn’t approve my endo medication to relieve my pain she stomped down the hall and returned to me with a brown paper sack with a FOUR MONTH SUPPLY said it was a “free sample” and then within two days had my insurance rep meekly agreeing that the drug should be covered haha and found a local pharmacy in my area that had it for me. She apparently reamed them out over the phone that she is an expert in treating pelvic abdominal pain and their approval computer is not and does this on the regular for her patients. Holy shit.

when I had bladder pain she was on top of it figuring out if it was an adhesion, inflammation, or what and giving me treatment to relieve my pain. Holy shit, it worked!?

she referred me to a pelvic physical therapist who took me from “I’m in pain whenever my body decides to be aroused, and I can’t pee.” To being able to actually masturbate without any discomfort. Yo for two years orgasms made me feel like I had been punched in the stomach and put me in so much pain I would be nauseous. I’m ace af but I got a real swell sleep aid back and that’s great. Plus I can pee again. Miracles. I can use the biggest dilator now. That’s huge. I was struggling with number 3 last time I posted here my dudes.

recently I told her I was terrified my treatment options would be impacted by roe, and she said she would lawyer up or drive across state lines to refer me to a surgeon if anyone tried to tell her not to make her patients a priority or how to treat them. She knows I’m not interested in children and despite my age she promises the second my less invasive medications don’t work she will start working on a plan to remove the affected tissue even if they need to remove structures like Fallopian tubes or one of my very cyst-ridden ovaries because I know who I am and can decide my reproductive future obviously. (A really rare point of view in a lot of folks in the gyno setting tbh). ((I don’t want to recover from a surgery rn and the medicines have been effective so I’m ok))

I would cry and remember being physically hurt during exams by other doctors and nurses before going to appointments. I have trauma surrounding medical situations due to the neglect I faced in the past. This past august for the first time in a good while I went into her office and had full faith she would care about my concerns and hold my interests as a priority in my treatment. I have NEVER had a provider like this before. I’ve gained my functional daily life back enough to go back to uni, I’m in nursing school.

I genuinely want to be someone like her who makes people who have been vulnerable and ignored in the healthcare setting feel seen. Even if I could only become a fourth the nurse she is it would be an honor. My life has been measurably improved because I finally have a provider who listens to me. I still got endo, I still have bad days when I flare up, but I have tools to cope with it now and the flares have been less severe and less frequent. Surgery in the future when my insurance stabilizes will be the ideal way to reduce the pain long term but until then… I’m doing better than I have in years with her.

#endometriosis #pelvic floor dysfunction #pelvic pain #positive story #medical #Shout out to my np Melissa for real I love her #she’s very funny too honestly and very frank #also in nursing school rn every time my textbook says to watch out for something I swear I’ve seen her like do everything RIGHT #Like every example I get of how you should be ideally? I can think of an example #I have Bad examples from ex docs I’ve fired too lmao

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survey--s · 1 year

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483.

what is the one thing you remember most about January of last year? Uh, not much to be honest. As far as I remember it was just a normal month.

you look at the clock and it’s 11:11, do you wish? Nope. how do you think you will look 3 years from now? Probably pretty much the same as I do now, lol. My appearance hasn’t really changed that much since I hit my twenties.

once you graduate (if you haven’t already) are you leaving your hometown? I moved away from my hometown about seven years ago. what is your dream job? I love what I’m doing at the moment. Maybe in an ideal world I’d do something with exotic animals but I’d need to go back to school to do that now.

what would be number one on your bucket list? I don’t really have a bucket list, but I’d love to step foot on every continent on earth someday. That seems like a pretty cool goal.

how old do you think you’ll be when you make your will? I don’t really need to make one. I’m married without kids so by law everything goes to Mike (and vice versa if he dies first).

you get a text message. who do you hope it is? I’m not really fussed about it lol. I’m not very sociable ha.

are there any songs that you hear that just make you wanna dance? Sure, mainly 9-5 by Dolly Parton and Mr Brightside by the Killers.

do you get any of your songs from limewire? Hahah yes, I used to love LimeWire and Kazaa back in the day.

what’s the oddest thing you are wearing right now? I’m just wearing leggings and a hoody.

you and your best friend get in a fight. why do you think that is? The only time we argue is about housework or the cats.

do you use the word “basically” a lot? I don’t think so?

do you use proper grammar or use IM talk? I use proper spelling but I don’t always bother capitalising words - it depends on the context.

what is your biggest annoyance at the moment? I woke up at 6am on my morning off and couldn’t get back to sleep lol. And I have to back out to feed Monty soon which is just annoying ha. Looking after him has definitely taught me that I never want a horse of my own though.

you see the person you fell hardest for. what do you do? I mean, he’s upstairs so I’d just say hello, I guess.

have/are you depressed? I’ve been diagnosed with depression in the past, but I’m not currently medicated. did you grow up in the united states? No. I’ve never even been to the states.

are you dreading tomorrow? No, but I really can’t be arsed with doing the pop-in visits I have booked lol. Luckily it’s less than a week until Easter break.

do you call anybody ‘baby’? Some of the dogs and the cat, LOL.

if your school had a winter formal on new years, would you go? No.

where is the fanciest place you have ever visited? We went to some amazing 5* hotels when I was younger - Chateau Lake Louise in Canada is the main one that springs to mind. I’ve also been to a few really posh Michelin star places - my parents are big foodies.

who is the one person you can completely be yourself around? Mike.

are your pop-ups blocked on your computer? Who doesn’t have pop-ups blocked these days?

do you wear earrings on a normal basis? Yeah, I never take my earrings out unless I’m changing my jewellery which pretty much never happens anymore.

how old were you when you realized that life goes on? I have no idea. are your parent’s night owls or morning birds? My mum’s an owl and my dad’s a lark.

do you like to sing? I do, but I can’t do it in tune lol.

are there some songs that you will never understand the lyrics to? I’m sure there are. do you own a lot of picture frames? No.

who is your favorite author? Neil Gaiman.

how many pillows are on your bed? We have two each, plus two throw pillows.

how is your hair right now? Damp from my shower and tied up in a messy bun.

is your phone fully charged? Nope, it’s at 28%, I’ll charge it in the car on the way to sort Monty.

what’s your favorite thing about the holidays? Time off work, good food, sleeping in and spending time with friends and family. are you still in school? No.

how many days/months until your next birthday? Seven months, nine days.

what is your favorite type of cake? Cheesecake.

how many rings do you wear on a day-to-day basis? Two - my wedding and engagement rings.

when will you next laugh until you cry? How am I sipposed to predict that? lol.

#survey #surveys

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nobodynobodynobodynobodynobodyn · 2 years

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I can’t even shit with the door open now that he’s moved in. Ngl it feels like my rights to shit comfortably are being taken away. I don’t like the light or the noise from the bathroom. So now I’m shitting in pitch black. It’s cool tho. I kinda conquer my fear of the dark when I do it. I’m the shitting conqurer. Facing my fears one upset stomach at a time.

I have to accept that finding friends that I like, that I truly vibe and feel comfortable around , is gonna take a long time. I’m probably not gonna find them on an app. Ideally the people I would probably be really good friends with are agoraphobics but i won’t find them outside. And I don’t believe knocking on everyone’s door asking if they want to be friends is a good idea. So I’m thinking about a book club. But all the book clubs in my area are filled with white people who either read books abt unbearably sad white women or all the variations of rich dad poor dad self help capitalist genre.

I think the only way to fully complete my new emergence of self is to move to a new city. I wanna move somewhere hot. Somewhere where there’s a lot of queer black ppl. Somewhere with a vibrant culture. I’m thinking North Carolina or Georgia or Texas or Colorado. I have to do more research.

I wonder why I want to move away so much. I’ve actually always wanted to move away. Virginia is an absolutely beautiful place. It’s the place I was raised up in. But I feel like I’ve seen it all. Even though I don’t get out much, I know the layout. The parks. All of it. I want somewhere new. Where I can establish my self. I’m not going to become a whole new person once I get there. I’m already beginning the process. I think I’ve outgrown this place. I’ve grown confortable here and I want a change. An uprooting of everything I know of how to be comfortable. I’ve had great memories here and poor ones too. But I need new air. A new place.

New place new titties too. I don’t really like having big boobs. I think they’re giving me body dysmorphia. I don’t like the weight of them. They make my back hurt. They sweat to much. They’re uncomfortable. Especially bras. I never liked bras. But now I got DD and I’m confined to the cotton n latex prisons for life. Solitary confinement of anything whether it be titties or people is an injustice. My boobs don’t feel like me. I feel like I need small boobs in order to move around comfortably. I even hated wearing bras in hs they were awful and always made me sweat. I def went braless most my high school career and didn’t really care. I want to wear shirts with out that uncomfortable feeling if skin to skin fabric to skin irritating the skin friction even more. I hate it.

The more I look back in my life the more I want to get tested for autism. I’m realizing I had a lot of sensory issues as a kid. I would always wear sunglasses in the house if was too bright. I could hear the sounds of light pass through my head. I always beat box or hum of tap my fingers on my chest in a drum pattern. I always used to have bad anxiety in school. Also with making friends.

A part of me wonders though about the bad things I’ve done. Cause I’ve only seen autistic people be described as kind, giving. There’s been times where I had to say no and it really hurt me to say no (this was when I was first establishing boundaries and my ability to say no. My friend asked me for twenty dollars and I thought about it and I thought how much he owed me and what happened last time I asked him to pay me back and I didn’t want to deal with potential conflict so I said no and I felt bad cause he’s in a bad place but, idk man I just had to say no) I also used to be really mean to my cousin when I was lil. I regret it now. I wish I could have clearly stated my boundaries. I didn’t like him being so close to me so my go to was to hit and scratch and I hate I did that. I regret it. I want to say sorry but I’m not on good terms with my family, I think.

I’m figuring out ways to reconnect with my family after not talking. I know I could just say hi. You know what,.. I think I will just say hi. Cause it’s been too long and I haven’t seen or heard from them. I think they think that I don’t like them, that isn’t true. For the longest time I didn’t know how to talk.

I hold my body really still instead of moving. I’ve been so afraid to move. Cause I think I saw my stinking behavior once and didn’t like it.

#monday #9 #2022

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celestial-heartbeat · 2 years

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HOW TO BECOME THE PERSON OF YOUR DREAMS!!

˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺

with the new year, we often come up with many different goals and aspirations for what we want to do or become. and oftentimes, after only a few months into the year, we give up pursuing those goals and dreams because it feels “too hard” and we put it off until next year. but now that we know how to consciously manifest, accomplishing these goals and becoming the person you’ve always wanted to be is extremely EASY!! in fact, you can literally become your ideal self overnight!! in this post, i will be giving you guys an easy guide to manifest becoming your dream self

STEP 1: who do you want to be?

the first step is pretty predictable, however it is a very important one: figuring out exactly who you want to be! so take a moment, relax, and really think about who you want to be. what does the ideal version of yourself look like? how do they act? what do they wear, who do they hang out with? what is their dream career or school? what are they good at? consider these questions and other similar questions and come up with some answers. no pressure and no judgment! you can literally be WHATEVER you want, so don’t limit yourself.

once you’ve thought of some ideas of your dream person, i would highly recommend you writing down a list of the qualities and characteristics of your ideal self. you can write this down on a sheet of paper, a journal, or on the notes app on your phone. if you’re more of a visual person, you can make a vision board of your ideal self (pinterest is a fantastic place where you can do this!). the reason why you're writing it down is so that you have a clearer idea and goal of who exactly you want to be. it isn’t mandatory of course, but i strongly suggest you do so. plus it’s fun!

˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺

STEP 2: becoming this person

now that you have a better idea of who you want to be, now it’s time to become this person! you might be thinking that this is the “hard part” but i assure you that it’s incredibly easy to become your ideal self. so how do you do this? you simply assume that you are now your ideal self! you guys, the second you desired becoming your dream person YOU ALREADY BECAME THAT PERSON!! “wait what? but i’m not-” UHH YES YOU ARE?? stop focusing on the 3d (and yes that includes who you think you currently are) and start assuming that you are now your dream person!! walk by faith, not by sight! i don’t care if you ain’t rich in the 3d, i don’t care that you don't have your ideal body, face, wardrobe, etc, in the 3d, IT DOESN'T MATTER. the 3d has never ONCE mattered and the 3d can change instantly. don't put your focus on the external, and start changing your assumption in your inner world.

METHODS

alright so that’s the simplest answer on how you do it, BUT if you wanna do a little more than assuming or you need help building your assumptions, you can do a method! now a disclaimer: methods are NOT necessary to manifest. they are just tools that are powered by your mind. if you assume that a method will 100% work for you, then it will (and vice versa). ok with that being said, here are the top methods that i’ve noticed work very effectively for people in this community...

METHOD 1: affirming

this is the classic law of assumption method and personally my go to method because of its simplicity and ease. to do this method, you just think the thoughts you would be thinking if you had your desire. i go much more into detail about affirmations in this post.

METHOD 2: SATS/lullaby method

this method is done by getting into a drowsy sleepy state (preferably when you’re falling asleep) and visualizing a short scene that implies that you have your desires. you then loop this scene over and over until you fall asleep. alternatively, you can loop affirmations until you fall asleep. here are some great posts on this method that go further into detail

the lullaby method/i am state

THE SATS METHOD

How to use the State Akin To Sleep to get what you want

SATS + success stories !

FEELING IS THE SECRET: chapter 3

METHOD 3: the void state

the void state is a state of being in which you are in a literal pitch-black void, where you are pure consciousness and there are NO limiting beliefs, time lag, doubts, fears etc. this essentially means that manifesting is INSTANT and 100% guaranteed in the void. to get into the void state, you simply lie down, get into a drowsy state (similar to the SATS method), stay STILL, and then you affirm things like “i am pure consciousness” or “i am in the void state” until you reach the void. once you’re there, you can affirm, visualize, or do whatever you want to manifest. once you’re finished you will come back with all your desires! here’s a post that has everything you need to know about the void.

METHOD 4: subliminals

i won’t go too much into detail about subliminals here, but this post will tell you everything you need to know. however, i will link my subliminal playlist + a few subs that i really like!! just listen to them whenever you want and assume that you already have/will get your results.

my subliminal playlist

be ready for 2022 (bundle)

⭐% G꩜RGEoUS ヽ(-∀-☆)ノ

just like that, my playlist vanished

²⁰²² new year, new me *·˚

˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺ ⁎˚˚⁎༻ ☆༺

TO WRAP UP...

don’t overcomplicate it, it is EASY to become your dream person. it all starts with you. you don't need to work out 5x a week, spend a ton of money, etc. just assume that you are already your dream person, EMBODY your ideal self!! make 2022 the year you become the person you always wanted to be

#law of assumption #neville goddard #manifest #manifesting #manifestation #affirmation #affirming #self concept #ideal self #dream girl #it girl #law of attraction #witchblr #astrology

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eeunoia · 3 years

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ENHYPEN Imagines

pairing: lee heeseung x reader

summary: being the most popular students in your school, everyone can’t help but to ship heeseung and you. it was okay for you since you really like him but heeseung was just okay with it because of the benefits he gets from it.

word count: 6.4k

warnings: extra spicy and cursing

a/n: here’s heeseung’s version of niki’s concept in campus heart-throb. I will maybe post Sunoo’s after posting his prince one shot. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this one because I actually had fun. ksksksk have a nice day 🌸

“y/n, how about you? will you be at the game later?” one of your classmates suddenly had asked you while you’re at the library.

It was library period and you were just silently reading a book while some of your classmates were chatting at the table where you’re sitting.

Your head raised up to face them and you already saw all of their eyes darted at you. “What kind of question was that? Of course y/n will be there. Her Heeseung will be playing, right?” one of them answered even before you can talk.

They cheered and even showed you a teasing smile. You can’t help a smirk to spread across your face after hearing how they address Heeseung as yours.

The librarian shushed you that made you chuckle and you signaled to them to just be quiet. They let out small giggles as they decided to talk more quietly again. You, on the other hand was thinking about Lee Heeseung.

A small smile was still plastered over your face as you think about him. He’s one of the most popular student in your school, president of the student council and captain of the basketball team. He was indeed the ideal type and everyone in the academy knows him.

Girls also go crazy for him but they can only stare from a far since you exist. Students in your school was shamelessly shipping the two of you with each other. They think you’ll both make a perfect couple.

You’re labeled as one of the prettiest girl in your campus. Smart, from a well-known family, and captain of the campus cheerleaders. Just like Heeseung, boys at your school adores you but they don’t even bother as they know you were already his.

It’s all almost perfect except for one tiny thing... Lee Heeseung doesn’t like you. If you’re crazy for him, he don’t even feel anything for you.

You were snapped back from reality when someone gently taps your shoulder. And when you look over the girls at your table, they have this teasing smile so you already have a clue who it was.

“Hm?” your eyes met his serious eyes as you turn and face him. He has this smile but only you can tell that it was fake.

“I won’t be able to wait for you. I’ll be off to somewhere. I’ll just see you at the game.” he mumbled enough for the students at the table to hear.

You smiled and nodded your head at him. He smirked and leaned down over to give you a gentle kiss at your forehead. Lightly shutting your eyes at the process, you can feel your heart racing by the sudden affection.

It wasn’t new, really. You two were used to giving shows for those people who ships you two. He needed this, he’ll stay more popular if he acts like this. Popularity secures his position as the student council president. In short, he was using you and taking advantage of the situation.

You weren’t ignorant about it. He was straight-forward when he said that to you. He also told you that since you love attentions so much, you can use him as well so students eyes follows you all the time. It was a good deal so you agreed. And besides, you have feelings for him.

He nodded once before smiling over at the students at the table before he turned and walk away. Your eyes were glued at him as he coolly walk out of the library. Eyes were following him as always.

“Huwaaa you two are so perfect for each other, y/n!”

“Yeah right. I envy you so much.”

“Heeseung is so hot, y/n. How can you survive him?”

They were talking nonstop and all your response was just a small smile. Even if it sounds a bit rude, you enjoyed looking how other people envy you.

“You’re a bit late.” your head snapped over at the side when somebody suddenly talked.

Your brows furrowed hardly as you saw Jay leaning over the wall, both of his hands were inside his pocket.

“Jay? Why are you here outside and why aren’t you wearing your jersey?” you asked, now approaching him.

The corner of his lips raised up and he faced you giving you a full view of his bruise at the side of his face. Your mouth fell a bit.

“I was suspended so I cannot play for today’s game.” he said a smile now plastered over his face.

“What happened to you? Did you had that checked?” you were worried for him of course. He’s your friend and you’re close to him so seeing him at a state like that made you worried.

“It’s fine. Don’t you want to go inside? The game’s starting already.” he said and even tilted his head towards the auditorium.

You can already hear muffled screams and cheers from the inside. You gave him a nod before he gently grab your things from you so he can carry it for you. Jay’s a legit trouble maker but he’s a gentlemen so it wasn’t really surprising for you anymore.

The auditorium was crowded as expected. You had to squished yourself through the pile of students and thankfully Jay was there. His firm arms helped you so you wouldn’t be just bumped by somebody. You gave him a smile as you two arrived at the seat Heeseung had saved for you.

You saw how the players ran over the other side of it, the ball was at the opponent. Heeseung was very attentive and so focused in the game making him ten times more attractive. You really love it whenever he’s so focus about something.

The game continued and of course, Heeseung was the highlight of the game. You just smile while watching him enjoy the whole game. The whole auditorium went wild whenever he makes shots.

They won the game and you just watch as his members hover around him. They cheered and celebrated for their victory.

“You wanna go approach them?” your head snapped over at Jay when he asked you that and you just gave him a small nod.

He smirked and led you towards the court. Students paved way as they saw you approaching, they already know what you came for. His team member’s eyes darted you and you didn’t mind the obvious desires that lingers over their eyes. For you, it was only Heeseung that matters. He’s the only one who exist for you.

You smiled at him as a small smile appeared over his lips as well. He tilted his head one of his eyebrows raising at you. His arm opened a bit, indicating a victory hug.

“Congratulations, my mvp.” you said, enough for the crowd to go wild and tease the two of you.

Heeseung felt the playful nudges of his team-mates over him. He chuckled and shake his head side by side with a slow phase. “Where’s my kiss then?” he asked, sounding like as if he was challenging you.

You rolled your eyes as a small smirk appeared over your face. With a brave expression, you approached him and quickly snaked your arms over his nape to pull him towards you. The whole auditorium roars as the students saw you two making out. One of his arms slid over to your waist to pull you closer to him.

After the kiss, he pull away and rested his forehead at yours. You looked straight to his eyes, “Oh how you love the crowd, Y/n.” he whispered at you.

You chuckled, “Don’t say it like I’m the only one.” and you gave him one last gentle kiss at his cheeks before you move away from him.

He told you that he will just take a shower so you gave him a nod sending him off. You were left there together with Jay. He greeted you with his signature smirk.

“That’s quite a show.” he said that made you roll your eyes. Nobody knew about your set-up except from you and Hee’s friends.

“I was just planning to give him a peck. He was the one who deepened the kiss.” you explained because that was really the original plan. To give him a peck but Heeseung pulled you closer so you were a bit carried away.

Jay let out a chuckle, “Who would let the chance of making out with y/n slip away?” he said that made you chuckle at him.

You walked closer to him and leaned towards him, face inches away from you. “So you will make out with me if I insisted?” you joked at him. Well, you’ve been friends with them for a while too so you’re comfortable with them.

You saw a glitch of darkness pass through his eyes before he smirked at you. He raised his hand and put his two fingers over your forehead before gently pushing you away from him.

“Stop talking nonsense, y/n.” and he scoffed at you. He handed you your things before putting both of his hands inside his pocket.

“You should wait for Heeseung here. I’ll get going.” and he waved at you before turning his back and walking away.

You chuckled and just rolled your eyes before waiting patiently for Heeseung.

“Where’s your victory party?” you asked Heeseung as you walked side by side after he showered.

Now, he looked extra handsome while wearing his clean fresh white shirt paired with his black jogging pants. He do look really really attractive, with that slight wet hair. His gym bag hangs at one of his shoulder while he held your small bag using his hand. You can’t help but to bite your lip as you stare at him.

“Frat house? I’m not yet sure.” he answered. You two started walking out of the auditorium. There’s still a lot of students left and their eyes were quickly darted at your direction right away.

“Dude that three point shot at the end was perfect!” one of his team-mate walk beside the two of you.

You just gave him a smile as his eyes went over you from time to time. Heeseung responded with a thank you as you felt his hand rest over the small of your back, making sure you are closely beside him.

“Will you go eat with us before going home to get ready for the victory party?” his team-mates once again asked.

“Nah, I think I’ll spend some time with my lucky charm first. I’ll just meet you later at the party.” he said politely as he tapped his shoulder before guiding you to walk faster, dismissing any chances of him to talk again.

A small smirk appeared at your face as you two walk over to his car. “That was rude.” you mumbled as he send last wave at his team-mates then opened the door for you.

He scoffed running his hand over at his hair once, “He was annoying.” he shrugged his shoulders off before telling you to go inside.

You were checking your phone as he finally get inside. Expecting for him to start the engine already, you kept yourself busy with your phone but then you noticed he wasn’t doing anything.

“Is everything okay?” you asked, worried.

His eyes were already darted over at you-- on your exposed thigh to be specific. A smirk slowly spreads through your face as you tilt your head at the side.

“Enjoying the view? My eyes are up here, Hee.” you pointed out and even snapped your fingers in front of his face to catch his attention.

He looked up at you, “Yeah, I do and I bet all of my team-mates enjoyed it too.” you saw how his jaw clenched hardly.

You pursed your lips trying to suppress a smile to form, this shouldn’t be the time to be happy about the situation, y/n. Heeseung did said to you that he doesn’t feel the same way and even rejected you for a hundred times already. But this is one of those times where he kind of gives you missed signals.

“I wore this for you, Heeseung.” you said and smiled innocently at him. Your hand rested over at his face and you saw how he seriously eyed you.

His hand raised and held unto your wrist, with a smirk he started pulling you to straddle above him.

“Then prove it to me.” and without even warning you he pulled your face closer to his causing both of your lips to crash with each other.

You groaned a bit as you felt him bite your lower lip making you open your mouth slightly. Heeseung took the opportunity to slid in his tongue as his hands slowly undress you.

You gasped as he pull away from the kiss. His lips made contact with your neck and you let out small moans as you slowly felt his erection.

“If you didn’t made it clear that you don’t have feelings for me, I might think you're jealous right now.” you mumbled.

Heeseung was continually placing wet kisses all over your neck and as he made it over at the upper part of your chest, he shamelessly suck the skin marking you.

He leaned away and starred at his work for a while before he looked over at your eyes.

“I don’t like it when other people take interest over my toy.” and you felt his big hands rested over your tiny waist before he kissed you once again.

“I’ll pick you up at 8pm.” Heeseung said after rolling down his car window after he dropped you over at your house.

“For what?”

“Victory party. You need to be there as my date.” he said seriously. You bit your lower lip as you just gave him a small nod before waving at him.

He smirked, “Show people my masterpiece.” he shouted lastly before droving away.

You rolled your eyes after chuckling then just decided to just go inside your shared apartment with your cousin.

“Oh~ someone had fun.” you rolled your eyes as you plopped over the sofa.

“I didn’t know you were home, Jake.” you acknowledged him as you saw him sitting at one of the single sofas.

“Yeah, I went home to rest for a while because of the party later.” he said and shrugged his shoulders off.

You rolled your eyes at him, “You’re going? You know what? You have to stop fucking different girls per day, Jake. That’s not gonna be good for you.” you tried lecturing your cousin.

He smirked, “I don’t do that everyday, y/n. What are you even talking about?”

You sighed, okay maybe that was exaggerated but the thought was still there.

“I don’t even know why girls still fall for your trap. Everyone in the campus obviously know how bad of playboy you are.” you mumbled and rested your head at the backrest of the sofa.

Jake let out a snicker of laugh, “It's because of this, y/n. This--” he said pointing over his face that made you roll your eyes.

“This is the key to everything! It’s because I have a face of an angel.” he added.

You can’t disagree to him because he’s partly right. If you look at him the first time and you don’t know him, you’ll probably think that he’s very innocent. But that’s not the case, he’s very much corrupted.

“So where did you two did it this time?” Jake asked casually as his reached over the remote to open the television.

You were close to your cousin and he knew about Heeseung and everything about it. He’s cool with it as long you’re happy with your set-up.

You gulped as you fished your phone and acted like as if you’re doing something important.

“In the car.” you answered like nothing.

You can see from your peripheral that he turned his head at your direction.

“Woah, in his car? Really? Again, y/n?” he sounds like he can’t believe it. You rolled your eyes and sighed heavily.

“You two seriously need to stop doing the deed in his car. I sometimes hitch with hyung and to think you do the nasty there makes me uncomfortable.”

“Then don’t hitch anymore. You have your car for a reason.” you can’t remember how many times have you rolled your eyes already but you once again did it.

You stood up and decided to go to your room and leave him at the living room.

“Ah seriously. I just can’t understand why Heeseung hyung enjoys the thrill of getting caught.” Jake even shrugged his shoulders.

“Whatever.” and you finally left him there. He’s really annoying.

Heeseung did pick you up for the party and as you two enter, a lot of people were already there. Attentions quickly went over at the two of you as he was the main reason why there’s a party.

He stood proud beside you while his arms were possessively locked over your waist. Well, who wouldn’t be proud to have you as their date? You’re y/n after-all.

They had this cute short program for the team that made everyone laugh as they call them one by one. They were asked to give short speeches just to be fun.

“And lastly, for our MVP! Lee Heeseung.” the mc had called his name as the crowd cheered for him. Heeseung smiled and stood up from his seat which is beside you. He walked towards this small platform and a spotlight was pointed at him.

He chuckled, “Ah this isn’t necessary but yeah, I want to thank everyone for supporting and congratulating us. For coach,” he said and raised his fist for him. The crowd chuckled and so did you.

And then his eyes soon darted over you. “And of course, to my lucky charm.” he added and soon another spotlight was at you now. The crowd started teasing the two of you.

You tried smiling as your heart ache for some reason. Breath hitched at the current situation, even though you know any of this wasn’t true, you can’t help but to feel butterflies over your stomach.

“Thank you for always being there for me, y/n.” he said and he smiled meaningfully as his eyes starred right at you.

Your smile faltered a bit as you know how sarcastic his smile was. It hurts for you to know that your feelings aren’t being returned.

Your eyes roamed around as they cheered for you to go join Heeseung at the platform. You had no choice because they were really pushing you already. He was just waiting for you and when you were beside him, he then pulled you in a kiss that made the crowd roar in excitement.

As the night went deeper, people get drunker as well. You were already with some of your girl friends when Heeseung told you that he’ll just go meet his friends. You agreed, mind still occupied of what happened at the short program.

And when you noticed that Jay was already flirting at some random girls, your brows furrowed as you started seeing his friends having their own businesses.

“I’ll just go and look for Heeseung.” you told your friends and they just nodded their heads at you.

You, then proceed on looking for him since it’s really getting late and you’re starting to feel sleepy. When you turned over the corner, you saw him sitting at a couch, beside him was a girl. You don’t know her and you’re sure she isn’t from your school.

You balled your fist, starting to feel jealousy took over you. With chin raised high, you walked over at them. Good thing the students around them were pretty much wasted so they don’t have any clue that Lee Heeseung was flirting with some stranger.

”Heeseung, i’m sleepy. Take me home.” you interrupted rudely. Both of their heads snapped over your side. Heeseung’s forehead furrowed and you sort of saw that he was a bit pissed. The girl broke into a smirk.

“Oh look, your lucky charm.” you heard how she emphasize the words lucky charm and it annoyed you so much.

“Then go and find Jake to take you home, y/n.” you were dumbfounded when you heard Heeseung said that. How can he tell you that?

With a pained expression you held unto his arm when he once again turned to face the girl, “No, you took me here so you have to take me back home.” you were serious when you said it.

If you saw him a bit pissed a while ago, this time he really looked like he’s really mad. You let go from him, kind of got scared of the way he looked at you.

“There’s no more crowd, y/n. There’s no need for that anymore.” he said with a blank look over his eyes.

You stepped backward from him, “So would you please leave me alone? I’m busy right now.” he said before he turned his head without glancing over at you again.

A tear fell from your eyes as you slowly backed away from them. You saw how the girl teasingly waved at you and seems like she was really enjoying what’s happening.

You sniffed and harshly wiped off your tear before turning and left the scene. You fished your phone to go and dial your cousin’s number. Your chest was hurting so much that you can’t even process things properly.

“Jake where are you?” you said as you heard him answered his phone. You can hear muffled sounds from the other line.

“Y/n? Why? I’m somewhere.” you rolled your eyes because you know so well what that means.

“I want to go home. Pick me up back here in the party.”

“What? Where’s Heeseung? He took you there so he should-”

“He can’t take me home.” you cut him before he can even continue what he was saying.

“Why? Wait, I’m currently in the middle of something so--”

“Never mind, i’ll just go home by myself.” you said and was about to end the call when he talk again.

“What? No! Wait up, I’ll go there. It’s late already you can’t go home by yourself. Where’s Jay anyway?” he asked and you once again heard muffled sounds from his line.

“I don’t know where Jay is--”

“I’m here.” your head snapped over to the side when you heard someone interrupted you.

It was Jay and his brows furrowed as he saw your tear-stained face. “Great! Pass him the phone, y/n.” Jake said from the other line.

You sighed and gave Jay the phone. You have no energy to fight with him anymore so you just followed what he told you.

Jay talked to your cousin for a while but you didn’t really understand what it is because your mind was spacing out. He handed you back your phone after the call before he starred right at your eyes then smiled warmly.

“Let’s go, let me take you home, pretty.” he mumbled softly and you pursed your lips trying to stop yourself from crying.

Jay did take you home that night, it was a silent ride but you were somehow at peace. To know that he was just there beside you, calms you down. He was very reliable and a very nice friend to you.

“Thank you for taking me home, Jay.” you smiled a little at him.

He chuckled and extended his hand and gently messed your hair.

“Anything for you. Go inside since it’s cold.” he said and pointed the door using his chin.

“Your jacket?” you asked and motioned him his jacket that you were wearing.

“Keep it.” you starred at him for a while before you waved at him then went inside.

The next day in school, you were silent all the time. They were asking you what’s wrong but you just smile at them saying that you were just tired.

Heeseung acted like as if he wasn’t an asshole yesterday. He was doing the same things like nothing happened, walk with you in hallways, eat with you and now taking you home. You were at the parking lot of the school and there’s almost no students left.

“I really don’t like the way you acted last night, Heeseung.” you opened up.

You like him--no, you actually love him. One reason why you still kept up with this set-up with him. But last night, you were really hurt and you can’t let him do that to you all the time.

Heeseung rolled his eyes as he looked over at your side, “If you’re worrying for your image, don’t worry. Everyone was wasted that time.”

“Is that why you flirted with that bitch and sent me off like I’m no one?” you asked him. His face turned dark as he grabbed you by the wrist.

“Don’t call her like that.” you never saw Heeseung that way and it really scared you.

You gulped trying to act strong in front of him, “Well she deserves to be called like that by how she acts yesterday.”

Heeseung then smirked at you, “Then how should you be called? You let me fuck you here in my car like a slu--” you slapped him hard even before he can finish his sentence off.

He was dumbfounded as he raised his head to look over at you. Heeseung doesn’t know what to feel when he saw your eyes filled with tears. He was lost of words and his mind was clouded that’s why he didn’t have the chance to stop you the moment you walked out of his car.

You were crying so hard that you didn't even realized that you had dialed Jay’s number instead of Jake’s.

“Hello, y/n?”

“Please pick me up.” you said between your sobs.

Jay was in the middle of practice when he saw you calling. They were having a water break and without even thinking twice, he ran out of there ignoring the shouts of their coach.

“What happened?” he asked as he went out of his car. He was still wearing his basketball shorts but now wearing his plain white t-shirt.

His face looked so worried as you approach him with a blank face. You tried smiling at him to ease his worry but you just saw how he clenched his jaw hardly.

He raised his hand to cup your face gently, “If you don’t feel like smiling, don’t smile.” he said and he raised your chin so you can meet his eyes.

“And if you want to cry, then cry. It will help you feel better.” and that was your cue. You cried so hard in his shoulders that you even had a hard time breathing.

That time, you felt safe inside his embrace while Jay’s lips were near your ears whispering you calming words and his hands ran smoothly over your back.

You slept in Jay’s place that night because you don’t want your cousin to see at that state. Jay spent the night comforting you and you were very thankful for him. You don’t know what you’re gonna do if he wasn’t there.

“If it’s hurting you that much, stop with that set-up already.” he suggested while handing you over a bowl of popcorn.

You pursed your lips while watching him set up the movie.

“I love him.”

“But he’s hurting you.” he said, eyes still fixed over the television.

You stayed quiet and wait for Jay to lay beside you to give you cuddles for that night. You felt safe and a lot better because of him.

The next day, Heeseung was a bit spacing out. What happened in his car kept on replaying over his mind and he just can’t help but to curse himself.

His eyes darted over at the door of the classroom as he saw someone going inside. It was you and he saw how your eyes really looked puff, probably because of all the crying.

He was so worried and was about to call you out when another person followed behind you. You turn your head before chuckling at that person.

“Here, wear this. You look funny.” he suggested and handed you a sunglasses. You laughed but followed what he had said.

Eyes of the students followed the two of you including Heeseung. He watch how Jay sat beside you and rested his hand at the back of your chair. He saw how he lean closer to whisper something at your ear that will make you laugh.

He felt strange an unknown feeling taking over him. Were you always like this with Jay? Well, Jay’s naturally flirty so he’s not shock at all but to think you act like that around him lit up something weird inside him.

He was still deep in thoughts when the bell rang. He snapped back to reality when Jake tapped him lightly at the shoulder to tell him that they need to go at the cafeteria.

He gave him a short nod before he saw Jay walked out behind Jake. He was about to turn back at where you’re sitting but you were already standing beside his seat.

Heeseung was actually surprised as he stare at you, he watched how you raised the sunglasses showing off your eyes before smiling.

“Let’s go eat.” you mumbled with your usual smile but unlike before Heeseung knew it wasn’t sincere.

He nodded after gulping, trying to get rid of that lump over his throat. Some students pass by over the two of you and you greeted them with a soft smile.

You two walked together over at the cafeteria like the usual routine. He was really clueless but somehow a but relieved that you didn’t shut him off completely.

As dismissal came, he was already plotting how he’ll say sorry to you. He was actually nervous as you both walked side by side over to his car. You were giggling moments ago with Jay but as he went in a different direction and was left alone with him, you grew silent.

Heeseung opened the car door for you but you were still silent after muttering a low thank you. He walked around and went inside his car. The drive was suffocating that’s why he cannot find the right timing to say his apologize for you.

“uh, y/n.” he tried catching your attention because you were already busy with your phone.

“huh?” you asked coldly not even sparing him any glance.

“I just want to say sorry for yesterday. It was an asshole move.” he said. He stopped the car because of the red light giving you a chance to actually look at him.

Heeseung was taken aback at how you look at him. It was cold and blank. He can’t even recognize you, it was very different at how you look at him before.

“Don’t mention it. I understand.” was your cold response to him.

He wasn’t satisfied and he was about to talk again but the green light appeared. He once again continued driving and you went back on texting over your phone. Heeseung tightly gripped unto the stirring wheel.

“Drop me off just there, Heeseung.” he was pulled back to reality when you suddenly talked.

His brows furrowed in confusion as he saw that you were pointing over to a place not even near your place.

“Do you need to go somewhere else? I can go with you.” he offered.

You looked at him and his heart ache as he saw that cold stares again. You smiled but he can tell that they were fake.

“It’s okay, Jay’s gonna pick me up here. Thanks for the ride, take care.” you said before going out of his car without even letting him to bid good bye.

Heeseung sat at his car dumbfounded. It happened really quickly that he wasn’t even able to stop you, just like what happen yesterday. He rested his head over the stirring wheel as he slowly sort out his feelings.

He was pretty clear that he doesn’t like you. Yeah, you were ideal. Beautiful, smart, sociable and have a great status in life but he just doesn’t seem interested in you... before. You were always vocal of how you feel towards him, making it easier for him to figure you out. Maybe that was the reason why he don’t take interest in you. Seeing you now slowly slipping off from him makes him mad. Not at you but to himself.

The days continued that way. You act like nothing’s wrong but obviously there is an invisible wall slowly grew between Heeseung and you. It was the other way for Jay tho, you two became even more close. The more days you dripped away from him, the more he have come to realized that he was indeed in love with you.

“This ain’t gonna work. You need to stop hanging out with Jay that often. They’re starting to make rumors that you are cheating over me with one of my friends.” one dismissal, you were planning to peacefully go home but it seems like Heeseung had reached his limit.

You sighed, “Fuck rumors.”

He was surprised at how you responded. If it was the old you who cares so much about your image, you would’ve take his suggestions but no. Jay had told you that there’s something else you need to care other than caring for what’s the other people are thinking of you. You realized that he was right.

“Y/n...” Heeseung sounded helpless as he calls out to you.

Actually, that was his last resort to keep you from leaving him. He may appear to be in control of the situation but the truth is, he was very worried. He’s afraid you’ll leave him and he knew so well that he ain’t gonna take it so well. He’ll go crazy. He cannot lose you.

You let out a heavy sigh once again and you turn to face him, “This isn’t working anymore, Heeseung. I’m out of this set-up. I know you can still win the next election for student council president even without my help.” you mumbled continuously before you attempted to open the door of his car.

Heeseung was still processing everything. He can’t believe you really said that to him. Between the two of you, he was expecting him to pull out of this set-up.

He went back to his senses as he quickly grabbed your wrist, refraining to let you go.

“I love you, y/n.” he blurted out.

You were stunned at the sudden confession. You weren’t expecting it and to think that it was from Heeseung was unbelievable. You scoffed at him and starred at him with full sarcasm.

“You’re just saying that because you’re afraid of what you’ll gonna lose.”

Heeseung clenched his jaw, “Yeah, and that’s you.”

You starred right at his eyes and you can see that he is sincere but still, the pain that he caused you tells you that it’s not enough for you.

So instead of believing him, you chuckled, “Good-bye, Heeseung.” and you shoved away his hold from you before going out of his car and left.

The next week, Heeseung was not himself. He was lost and everyone took notice of it and instantly indicating that it has something to do with you. The students around the campus had concluded that the two of you may have fought each other.

Heeseung was always lifeless, like as if he had no will of living anymore. He was always quiet and serious, everyone is really surprised and worried about him.

And when their basketball game for their finals came, you planned on going since Jay invited you, you were greeted by their stressed out faces.

“What’s wrong?” you asked Jay handing him the drink you bought for him.

He smiled a little, “Heeseung hyung is not here.” he said.

You furrowed your brows because you know how Heeseung was never late in his games. You roamed your eyes around and you didn’t saw him anywhere.

“y/n, can you do me a favor and please call him for me?” his coach even approaches you that you quickly agreed on.

You stepped outside of the auditorium for less noises and quickly dialed his number. It took him three rings before he picked it up.

“Yah! Lee Heeseung? Where the hell are you?” you sounds frustrated and mad at him. Even if you called off the set-up, you still worry for him of course. You know how much he wanted to win so it is a very big deal for him.

“Home.”

“Home? Your game will start in 5 minutes!”

“I know.” you were out of words after hearing him say that. You thought he just lost track of time but to hear that he knew confused you.

“Then why are you still there? Go here now.”

“I’m not gonna play.” his voice sounds so firm.

“What do you mean you’re not gonna play? Are you crazy? You wanted so bad to win this and you needed this for--”

“I don’t need that. You’re the one I need.” you were dumbfounded.

“Heeseung,”

“Tell Jay I said good luck.” and he turn off the call.

You were stoned at your position the whole time and when you finally went back inside, the game was starting and they were left behind. Jay’s pretty much trying his best and of course, he’s scoring. But the duo from the other team just can’t be hand just by him.

They lost their first game in their finals and everyone seems to look so gloomy about it. Some of them were wondering why the Ace wasn’t there and you don’t know what to say to them.

The next day, it was the time where the candidates for the student council president will make a speech in front of the students. You were kind of worried for Heeseung because lately, he wasn’t himself.

Thankfully, he did appeared at the stage. He was all serious and not even smiling. When it’s his turn to make a speech, he went in front and you can see that everyone’s anticipating for him.

“Good morning. I, Lee Heeseung is here in front of you to make my speech.” his eyes roam around and as he find yours, it remained. He was silent and not talking.

He sighed and a small smile appeared over his face. “Actually, I don’t know if I can do this.” he said that made almost everyone to gasp.

You looked at him with worry. “I used to think that being the student council president is a piece of cake. I convinced myself that I’m very much made for this. That I can do this because, I am Lee Heeseung.”

You saw how the corner of his mouth lifted a bit, “Everyone may know me as a very responsible student, a role model for my hoobaes, a good friend and a good boyfriend.” and his eyes settled at you.

His smile fell as tear slowly show over his sad eyes, “Don’t get me wrong, I am indeed all of those except from one.” he added.

A smile appeared over his face as a tear fell, “I haven’t been a good boyfriend for y/n causing me to lose the most precious girl I have ever known.”

Your eyes started to water as well as you listen to him. “After losing her, I realized that she’s everything to me. She was the one who gives me encouragement whenever I get tired of my works as a student council president. She gave me assurance whenever I get nervous before my games during basketball games. And most of all, she showers me love even if I’m flawed and imperfect.”

He bit his lower lip, “Y/n, I wanna tell you that I would rather lose all of this than to lose you.”

You pouted and quickly stood up to go over at the stage to give him the warmest hug. The student cheered as you two embrace each other.

“I love you.” you mumbled.

“I love you even more, baby.” heeseung can’t explain the happiness he was feeling as he locked you into his embrace. To have you close to him sure is what he needs the most.

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cow-smells · 3 years

Text

Eli/Hawk x Reader: Changes

Request: Can you do a Hawk x reader where they are dating since a long time and y/n tries to handle with his change from Eli to Hawk? @sophiahardy912

A/N: Thought I’d write all cutesy lovey dovey fluffy smutty things but then this angst came out? sorry if i failed you idk what happened here

Words: 2054

Warning: A few cuss words

----

Eli wasn't... Eli anymore.

Not just in a metaphorical way – he was Hawk now, inside and out. At first it was a refreshing change – you loved Eli back when he was introverted and lacking in confidence, but now Eli loved himself, and that was surely better.

Confidence is a good thing. Right?

You remembered the day he texted you 'Dig it?' attached to a photo of him – classic brunette gone, dyed down and gelled up to a Blue Mohawk.

The phrase 'dig it' by itself was previously foreign to the boy, so of course the new bold hairstyle was a big shock for you. Not a bad one, just unexpected. Even more unexpected was the new attitude that came with it.

When Eli walked up to you the next day at school, he adopted a strut that came with his new hair and attire. You almost didn't recognize him without one of the comfy sweaters he previously would wear, the ones you would steal borrow when you'd go over to his on date night.

It had been a while since you had one of those date nights – Eli wasn't fond of spending too much time in public, always feeling like people were staring at his lip – so you'd often spend the night at his house, watching some horror movie late in to the night, laughing together at cheap, unconvincing productions. Or, even better – clinging to him when a movie really was scary, finding an excuse to casually entwine yourself around him. You loved how he would turn red every time, as though you haven't been together for a long time now.

The last date night you two had was... unusual, yet exciting all the same.

Eli had been Hawk for a while now, and things were taking a turn for the worse. At first it was nice – Eli would link your pinkie fingers together under the table at lunch, Hawk would put his arm around you as you two walked down the hallways between classes. Eli cowered when anyone would so much as look at him; Hawk would shut down anyone who tried to start with him.

You didn't mind it, so to speak, when he got in to a fight with his former bullies. You were worried, of course, but Hawk knew how to handle himself. He beat the shit out of them and after years of Kyler and co taunting him, it felt like fair karma at play. You were actually proud. Hawk came home on cloud nine that day and you were all for being his cheerleader; it ended up being a night of great celebrations.

However, these days he was getting exceedingly violent with anyone who would look at him wrong. It was one thing paying back those who wronged him, but the whole karate thing was getting out of hand; it came to a red line for you once you saw his treatment of Demetri, the only one other than you and Miguel who accepted him far before he accepted himself.

You two had gotten in to a serious argument, Hawk stating that Demetri's treatment is his own doing for being such a nerd, you telling him to grow up.

A couple of days went by with you giving him the silent treatment. Hawk thought he'd just slide in by you the next day at lunch, kiss you and everything would be fine – but you weren't having it. If he didn't mind throwing Demetri under the bus so quickly, how long until that was you instead?

Not talking to Eli proved harder to do than you thought. After so long together it was strange, suddenly having this wall between you two. It had only been a couple of days of you riding the bus to school rather than on his motorcycle with him and you already felt an insistent pit in your stomach that refused to go away, no matter how hard you tried to distract yourself with schoolwork and your other friends.

So unsurprisingly, when Hawk texted you asking you to meet him at an unfamiliar address, you agreed.

It was dark out – the only people you saw around the road you were going down were a couple of shady looking dudes, only obviously under the influence.

You checked your phone again to make sure you were going the right way.

“You made it!”

Eli's voice startled you, making you look up from your phone. Illuminated by the blue florescent lights from the shop he stood outside of, he seemed... relieved.

“Yeah,” you answered simply, your eagerness to make up disapparating in to an unconfident hesitation. “what are we doing out here?”

“Look,” Hawk took one of your hands in his. “I don't wanna lose you. And if that means being nicer to Demetri or whoever of those dorks, whatever. I can live with that. But not without you.”

You hated how he knew exactly what to say, even if it wasn't prefect. It was enough.

“You didn't answer,” you said, allowing a flirtatious tone to creep up. “What are we doing here?”

Eli smiled, a smile that was more Hawk than Eli, and pulled you in to the shop after him, knowing he was well on his way to winning you over.

“This is my guy, Rico,” Hawk introduced, fist bumping the older man. Between the familiar name, funny looking chair and sketches on the walls, you knew exactly where you were and what was about to happen.

“Eli?” you tentatively called as Hawk guestued for you to sit in a chair behind the funky-looking one. Rico adjusted said chair and motioned for Hawk to come over. Eli sat on the chair, his back to you.

“You sure about this?” Rico asked, preparing ink on a side table. “Sure,” Hawk answered confidently.

Naturally, your curiosity got you up on your feet towards Eli's other side – of course you wanted to know what he was getting inked – but Hawk quickly protested.

“Stay over there!” he scolded playfully. “It's a surprise.”

The machine started buzzing and even though it wasn't you who was getting anything done, adrenaline started rushing, making you a giddy mess, forgetting all about your previous fight. As needle pierced skin, you spent the time waiting making assumptions over what Hawk was getting on him – at first you guessed the Cobra Kai snake, later guessing Sensei Lawrence in a heart – a suggestion that made Eli laugh particularly hard, in that way that he used to laugh when it was just the two of you (this earned a scolding from Rico, who couldn't get the work done if his canvas was jittering about).

It must have been twenty minutes at best before Hawk rose from the chair and turned to you, gesturing to the new piece over his heart – a heart with your name in it.

Was it possible to have your heart sink and jump simultaneously? On the one hand, you were realistic, and there would probably come a day where he'd regret this – a thought that made you sick. On the other hand, it was the most romantic thing you've ever experienced, and it was unlikely for anyone else to ever top that.

What was done was done, so you shoved aside any negativity and allowed yourself to revel in the love you felt, showering Hawk with kisses that quickly turned in to a deep, longing kiss – until Rico politely suggested you take the show elsewhere.

Apparently “being nicer to Demetri” meant ignoring him altogether, besides some threatening looks. It wasn't ideal, but it was better than the alternative, so you let go of it despite it seeming like Hawk was constantly on the edge.

You were ready for another date night – the first since the tattoo parlor – ready to get away from school and its drama, just to spend some quality time with your boyfriend.

Now that he wasn't shy anymore, he suggested going to see a film in an actual movie theatre, which was exactly what you were doing.

The two of you split up – you needed to go to the bathroom so Hawk stood in line for tickets. By the time you had come out you had lost sight of your boyfriend – the crowd around the ticket stalls had suddenly increased.

“You looking for someone?” a male voice asked. Turning around, a couple of guys you didn't know were approaching you. “Think you'd have more fun with us.”

Just as they reached you, a hand grabbed your arm. You were relieved to turn and see Eli – but he wasn't even looking at you. His eyes were locked with one of the guys – you could feel the tension in the air.

“Eli, no,” you whispered firmly. His grip on you tightened, moving you aside – but you weren't going to stand for it. You stepped in front of him, grabbing hold of him as he did to you. “You start something, I walk.” your voice was low, not wanting those guys to hear, but serious enough to make Hawk understand you weren't playing around.

With a grunt, he looked down at you, took your hand and walked away.

You optimistically thought the worst was blown over.

You and Hawk were waiting outside the theatre to be let in, chatting away when Hawk stopped you mid sentence with a kiss.

Another pleasant surprise about Eli's newfound confidence was how willing he was to show affection to you publicly, while before you two could pass off as acquaintances at best.

It was rather random but you accepted the kiss – even when he deepened it, getting closer to you, pulling you closer to him.

His hands started sliding lower.

It wasn't anything you haven't done in the privacy of your bedrooms, but to get that intimate in public, in broad daylight – it was too much for your liking.

“Eli -” you called, pushing away from him. He didn't allow it.

Pulling your hips to his with one hand on your bum, his other went up to hold your chin, tilting it back to grant him access. He managed to hold you for a moment before you mustered up the power to push him a few steps away from you.

Hawk was visually surprised – whether because of you or himself, you were unsure.

“What the fuck was that?” you asked, not bothering to keep your voice down this time.

Despite trying so hard to become this new person, new Eli still had old Eli's tells – and a quick glance he threw aside told you everything you needed to know.

Following his line of sight, the two guys from earlier stood there, watching the scene unfold.

“So that's what this is about?” you huffed. “some territory marking thing?”

Hawk struggled to gather his words, his bottom lip bobbing wordlessly a couple of times before he spoke. “Look, you didn't want me to take care of it out there, so-”

“So you do whatever you want with me? Like I'm nothing?”

“Y/n, you know it's not like that-”

“So what is it like?”

When Hawk didn't immediately respond, you turned on your heel to the exit. Hawk followed you outside.

“Come on, Y/n, you know I'd never hurt you!”

“You just did!” you yelled back. “you... I don't know you anymore, and I say that in the worst way.”

“What,” Hawk huffed, “you want me to go back to being a pansy? 'Cause that's not going to happen.”

“You know what's the worst out of all this?” you asked, coming to face Hawk. “at first I thought it was cool, you being all tough. Seeing Kyler become afraid of you. I thought it was great. But now... Now I'm afraid of you.”

Hawk frowned, the realization dawning upon him. “C'mon...” he lifted his shirt to show the heart tattoo dedicated to you. “Doesn't this mean anything to you?”

“Make it mean something.” you replied with a heavy heart, taking a step back and left, leaving Hawk standing alone in the parking lot.

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